#while kendall comes and cleans up after him.

[clowndensation]

also kendall and roman "you thought you were dad, tried to dad it, but you fucked it" and the implicit "but it's okay, because i went up and fixed it. you fucked it, and i took care of it." there can only ever be one dad. theirs is dead, someone has to step up.

[wambsgansshoelaces]

so basically my finger started gushing blood this morning so I decided to ignore school and start a headcanon series

please let me know if you like them and want more!!! I’ll always take requests :)

cutting your finger

Kendall

ᝰ takes your hand and cleans it for you

ᝰ “quit squirming, it doesn’t hurt” while he has a cotton pad doused in saline solution clamped on the open cut

ᝰ carefully puts a bandage on it, admiring his work

ᝰ gets you a can of ginger ale

ᝰ “ken, it’s a cut.”

“i don’t care. drink.”

ᝰ leaves for work the next morning after kissing your forehead and demanding you “don’t do anything stupid”

ᝰ “it’s just a cut,” you say again.

“do you want to amputate your finger? just listen!”

Roman

ᝰ blood makes him squeamish

ᝰ you’re sitting there just watching your finger gush blood and he’s run across the room

ᝰ “can you at least get me a bandage?”

ᝰ flings you one from the kitchen like it’s an olympic discus

ᝰ doesn’t come back until the blood is gone

ᝰ “very helpful,” you say, a bit disappointed in him

ᝰ takes your finger and gives it a kiss

ᝰ “all better,” he tells you

ᝰ and it is all better

Shiv

ᝰ “oh, no, what’d you do?”

ᝰ you shrug and then you both realize you don’t have bandages in the medicine cabinet

ᝰ she takes a paper towel and wraps it around your finger

ᝰ “i don’t think this is doing anything,” you say, watching the paper towel turn red

ᝰ “i’m just staunching the blood flow!”

ᝰ “i don’t think you know what ‘staunching’ means.”

ᝰ you end up just sticking your finger under the sink’s hot water

ᝰ she makes dinner in apology

ᝰ kisses you before sliding you your plate

Tom

ᝰ sees it before you see it

ᝰ before you can even notice the blood he’s wrapping the tip of your finger in a bandaid

ᝰ “you need to be more careful,” he tells you, so deadass serious

ᝰ “what even happened?”

ᝰ you never saw the blood

ᝰ demands you change the bandage every three hours so you don’t infect yourself

ᝰ peppers your face in kisses

ᝰ “am i dying?” you ask him, suspicious of but loving the affection.

ᝰ “no, because i’m taking care of you.”

Greg

ᝰ “oh, look, i’m bleeding,” you tell him while you’re cuddling on the couch

ᝰ acts like you got hit by a bus

ᝰ “oh my god i have no idea what to do!”

ᝰ “greg, i literally wiped it and it stopped bleeding”

ᝰ “stay there, i’m going to target.”

ᝰ he comes back with a bunch of snacks and a box of minions bandaids

ᝰ “they’re the only ones i could find…”

ᝰ “they’re kind of cute.”

ᝰ just so he stops worrying, you stick one with the little fat minion onto your finger

ᝰ “thank god you’re okay.”

ᝰ you kiss his cheek, laughing

ᝰ you’re grateful he cares

Stewy

ᝰ “stew, can you grab a bandaid? i’m bleeding.”

ᝰ “oh, cool, let me see.”

ᝰ inspects your finger

ᝰ “sick,” he says

ᝰ puts the bandaid on for you

ᝰ it’s all lopsided; the sticky part is on the cut

ᝰ “you tried,” you tell him

ᝰ plants a sloppy kiss on your mouth

ᝰ you spend the rest of the night watching him play video games

ᝰ you wake up the next morning, the bandaid lost to your sheets

[from-the-clouds]

giving kendall roy a blowjob pls

i have a fic about this here buuuttt i've been so down bad for ken lately and am embarrassed to say i literally dropped all my WIPs to also write this. inspired by this gif from @technicolourtelevision. also please follow my succ sideblog if u are a kendall girlie like myself @kendollroyco!

warnings: smut under the cut (18+ only, oral sex m receiving, degradation, dom!kendall - sorry but i want him to be mean to me) not proofread, and potentially just bad -- i wrote this in like a 30 minute fugue state.

first off, where you do this is kind of important because there are sooooo many good opportunities. maybe you work for him and he's making you suck him off under your desk, his hand down the front of your blouse. you have to go to the bathroom after to clean yourself up because your mascara is smudged and he's ruined your hair. or maybe you're on your knees for him in the back of a car, and he's refusing to roll up the partition. the straps of the gown you've got on are falling off your shoulders, and you're worried about getting caught but he's shoving your head down and he's whispering shit like 'but you're taking it anyways, aren't you?' and you can't help but moan as he shifts his hips so you take him even deeper.

but REALLY what i think about is like, in the most recent episode when he talks about not sleeping well. you're his girlfriend who lives with him, but you hardly see him. and one night when he comes home late you can just tell he's tense, like, ready to snap at anyone who gets in his way. you're curled up wearing one of his old harvard sweatshirts maybe watching tv or looking at your phone and he looks so fucking good in one of those suits that fits him like a glove.

when you ask him how he's doing, he's short and snippy. 'fine.'

'you stressed or something?' you ask, rather than start an argument.

'fuckin', uh, i don't know, what does it look like?'

you're sort of taken aback by how rude his response it, standing over you with his hands on his hips. 'don't tell me you waited up this late for me....' he's trying to chastise you, but you can see right through him.

'you're working too much' you sit up.

'uh-huh, right. i don't want to hear your shit right now, i'm fuckin' exhausted-' and he's trying to be mean, to push you away.

'i bet. all you do is toss and turn at night,' you agree.

you reach out, hook your fingers around the cool silver of his belt buckle and yank. he steps forward, even if his eyebrows are still pinched together, his lips curled down into a frown.

'i could give you something that might help.'

by the time you've pulled his briefs down to his ankles, his face has neutralized, even though his hands are still on his hips. you drop to your knees, ignoring the chill of the italian marble. he smiles a little, then, puts a hand on top of your head.

you don't go slow, you don't want to, and he doesn't let you. he pulls your hair and jerks his hips into your mouth. you take him all, using your hands to spread the slick from gagging on him several times around. of course, he talks you through it, tells you exactly what to do and how he wants it in that deep, raspy voice, which only gets deeper when he's turned on.

'god, you're such a fucking slut.'

and you don't care about looking pretty while you blow him. no, you might normally try to be cute about it, but when he's mean it only makes you more feral. you choke and gasp until tears run from the corner of your eyes and you're drooling, straddling his foot and grinding yourself against his black prada oxford's.

you whine and mewl around him, mouth so full the noises are unintelligible. 'you're so pathetic,' he groans, looking down at you, and you can tell he's getting close because his voice doesn't have the same conviction as before. 'that's it, atta girl, just take it.'

the more you allow yourself to get into it, the more turned on you get. the more turned on you are, the more desperate and filthy you want to feel. it just keeps building, compounding. until you take him just a little too far and retch. 'easy, easy.' kendall pulls back, his voice stern.

glancing up, he almost looks concerned. he scolds you. 'control yourself.'

you're pissed that it nearly sobers you up. 'shhh,' you hiss, swat his hand away from where it's landed on your cheek.

'okay, fine, if you fuckin' want it that bad.' his fingers fist the back of your head again.

immediately, you wrap your lips back around his cock. you use both hands to jerk him while you suck on his tip, bobbing your head and humming around him.

he gets quiet, and that's your cue. he's not great at using his words when he's about to come, but it's a good indication to keep up the rhythm you've built and not stop under any circumstances.

'uh-huh, that's-fuck!' ken makes sure he's buried in the back of your throat when he comes, hard, his hips stilling their movements, but he keeps your head in place with both his hands until he's sure you've swallowed everything he has to give you.

at some point, you pull away and slump against the back of the couch. your eyes are watering, your face feels impossibly hot, and your jaw aches. it's hard to see straight, so you cover your eyes with your hand.

'jesus,' kendall mutters your name.

you peek at him between your fingers to see him squat down. now he's on the same level as you. he moves your hand away from your face, a look of genuine curiosity etched in his features. you'd never blown him like that before. 'where'd that come from, sweetheart?'

'it's dumb,' you shake your head, a little embarrassed. 'i listened to this podcast...'

the corners of his eyes crinkle as he smiles, hand under your chin so you are forced to look at him. 'uh-huh?' he asks. 'at home all day fuckin' uh....taking notes on how to give me good head?'

'shut up,' you go to smack his head away, feeling a new warmth rise to your cheeks, but he grabs your wrist and hauls you against his chest, nose poking into your hair, lips on your cheek.

'is there, uh, anything else they had to say on there i might be interested in learning about?'

'potentially,' you answer. 'if you have all night...'

he laughs, a comforting rumble right into your ear. 'i do.'

[hughiecampbelle]

Being Roman's Favorite Sibling Would Include:

Requested: I looooved the "being connor's favourite sibling" headcanons and I was wondering if you could do some for bwing roman's favourite sibling as well? :) xoxo - anon

A/N: He is so baby boy. He is so little man. How much I love little man. Lol anyways!!! I hope you like it my love!!! Thank you for requesting!!! Feedback is always appreciated 💜💜💜

Being Connor's Favorite Sibling Would Include:

Roman didn't like that you were born. There were enough of you running around, he didn't need another sibling. Especially not one as young as you considering he was almost a teenager by the time you were born

Still, there's not much he could do. Like the rest of your siblings, he looks after you. He starts to like you when you're about six months old. That's when you start to look and act like a little person and not, in his words, some gross little flesh monster

You immediately love him from the start. Roman is your everything. He's the one you want when you cry. He's the one you want to sit next to. To play with. To follow around and copy. He secretly loves when you'd take his sunglasses and a pair of his shoes and walk around your little toddler walk pretending to be him

"I'm you, Romey."

"You're not as cool as me."

From a young age you call him Romey. Everything is Romey. Even when you're upset or fighting or anything, he will always be Romey

He likes you now that you can walk and talk and go to school. When your other siblings can't, he'll walk you home from school

"Guess what I learned today?"

"Brain surgery."

"Noooooo Romey, I learned how to multiply."

"That's helpful too, I guess."

All you wanna do is hang out with him, be his little shadow

You know that your father is not a good man. When you fall off your bike and get hurt you don't run to Logan, you never have, instead you go to Roman. He's not very sympathetic, but he'll sit you on the counter and clean you up

"I want the dinosaur bandaid."

"You can't always get what you want."

He gives it to you always, not wanting you to be upset

You're the only one who can go near him after Logan's hit him or berated him. He tends to self-isolate and pushes everyone away. Only you can open the door and come inside and wrap your arms around him. He doesn't push you off, he can't. That would be like acting like your father. He lets you stay as long as he needs and when he's done, he tells you he's okay. Somehow you always know when he's telling the truth and when he's lying

"I'm sorry about Daddy."

He makes it very clear if Logan ever touches you like that you go to him. Not Connor, not Kendall or Shiv, him. He has this terrible feeling that Logan can't differentiate between you two, that he sees you as an extension of Roman instead of your own little person

The older you get the closer you become. You pick up on his sarcasm, his wit, and annoy your siblings to no end when you gang up on them

"Kendall's gone crazy."

"He's been crazy for a while, you're just noticing?"

"Can you guys please stop talking about me?"

"You're forgetting I grew up with him."

As a joke, and maybe not as a joke, he has you in his phone as Mini Me. Mini for short. He'll call you on the phone and text you and you're always Mini

"Mini, where's Shiv?"

"How should I know?"

"Mini get out, the adults are talking."

"I'm an adult!"

"Not with that attitude."

You guys tend to stick together. Roman was right after all. Logan goes after you like he does with Rome. You're a teenager the first time you show him what's been going on since he left the house. Your eye is bruised and swollen shut. You try to put ice on it and get rid of the swelling, but it's too late. When he sees you, he loses his cool. You have to hold him back from going to your fathers study

"Please don't go after him."

"Y/n-"

"Please. It'll only make things worse. You lnow this."

"Fine. Fine, okay? Fine."

From then on you have more sleepovers at his apartment. He makes up a bed on the couch and you stay up and watch movies with snacks

"Isn't it past your bedtime?"

"Do I look five years old?"

"Four and a half."

"Fuck off."

Your first word was a swear courtesy of Roman. It was most likely fuck, but he swears he can't remember. It was the best day of his life listening to you say fuck over and over again, giggling in that little baby voice. He tries to play it off like he doesn't care abut really, it'll be etched into his memory forever

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine, Romey. Dad does it all the time."

It makes him feel sick knowing you were going through all that and he wasn't there to protect you. You protected him and you're the baby sibling. It's his job to look after you, to protect you

You guys fight all the time. Not in a mean way or a serious way, more like calling ewchother stupid and dumb and pushing and shoving. You never go too far, you never do anything to hurt one another, just as a means of disagreement

"You're so fucking stupid."

"Me? Are you kidding?"

"See! Can't even tell when I'm being serious."

"You're never serious, Romey."

Whatever you accomplish, he's always quietly cheering you on. He's not going to be as outwardly affectionate as Connor is. It's just not in his nature. When you get your degrees and find your place at Waystar he visits your desk multiple times a day

"Look at you becoming a corporate pig."

"I learned from the best."

You and Roman actively make fun of Tom and Greg

"Did you see what Tom was wearing?"

"Fashion disaster, I know."

"Why is Shiv even with him?"

"Daddy issues. Mommy, too."

You stick up for Roman when your siblings make fun of his lack of dating/sex life. It's none of anyone's business

When you do start to date and bring people home and find that someone special, they know they have to get through Roman for things to be serious

"Where'd you find this one? A back alley?"

"Please be nice, I really like them."

"Are you paying them? Are they paying you?"

Say what he will, he's happy you're happy. It hurts watching you grow up. You were his Mini Me not so long ago. Now you're taking part in the company and finding love and you've got your own place. You showed everyone that despite being the baby of the family, you're a force to he reckon with

He loves you. He loves you more than he loves himself. He doesn't say it, and when he does it never comes put right, but you're his baby. You always be

[sunflowerdigs]

Unpopular opinion: while obviously in a strictly legal sense, Gerri was in the right last week, from a larger storytelling perspective, neither Gerri nor Roman was completely in the right or completely in the wrong. Their situation is incredibly complicated and deeply poisoned on both sides by the abuse that Logan institutionalized during his tenure.

Because, here's the thing - Gerri has shown that when she wants to, she can overlook rule violations from her boss. She did it for 30 years with cruises. In fact, she was the one who instituted the policy that said that all of the cruises stuff was to be cleaned up quietly behind the scenes and the family wasn't to know about it. When Kendall expected Tom to eat the shit for him? That came from years of best practices created by Gerri. That is why, in episode 2x07, she is able to reassure Logan that there won't be paper tying the family to the crimes. She never yelled at Logan or told him that he needed to go through the proper channels to pay off Mo's victims. Oh, right, and when Logan got caught, she cleaned that up for him, too, so that he wasn't held accountable.

Like, honestly, it's a bit of a joke that, after all of that, she's pulling Roman in by the ear for not firing an employee correctly. How does that compare to Logan allowing hundreds of sex workers to get used, abused, and violated so that, presumably, Lester wouldn't blackmail him?

And it's because of Gerri's history at WR that Roman knows that when Gerri comes at him in 4x06, she isn't doing it because he violated a rule and it's policy that she needs to scold him. Because she hasn't done that to a CEO in 30 years. No, she's coming at him because she is pissed about what happened between them and this is her way of taking back some control. He can see that, from that point forward, every time he forgets to dot an "i" or cross a "t", she is going to be there treating him like a teenager. So, if he is going to keep power and maintain the office hierarchy, he has no choice but to fire her. Now, she can go to HR about him, that is totally fair. But when HR asks for the company precedent on employee sexual harassment and wrongful termination, guess whose 30 years of precedent they're going to find? I hope Gerri is happy with a payoff and an NDA.

But here's the truly tragic thing, I think. Roman was one of Logan victims. Roman was NRPI. And everyone knew it. When Logan hit Roman in front of everyone in 2x06, instead of even just hauling Logan in for workplace harassment (Roman was an employee at the time), Gerri just said "it played well" and, like everyone else, pretended the hit hadn't happened. In the scene in 4x06, Gerri is trying to hold Roman accountable for a workplace violation against a woman, likely in part because she knows that he will never get held accountable for his violation of her trust with the dick pics. And Roman is throwing it back in her face and saying that Gerri should just clean it up like she did for Logan because Roman was one of Logan's messes that consistently got swept under the rug, both by Gerri and by others. And the fact of the matter is, they're both victims and both perpetrators of this system and instead of holding the root cause of their suffering accountable, they're shouting at each other. And it sucks.

[spoopydooblr]

The Ken and Stella pregnancy blurb was so good could you write one where they find out that she’s pregnant?

ive been thinking about this scenario a lot and i cant really decide how i want this to go . . .

i think a year or so after they get married (stella is like 30ish) they start to really do their research and find the best fertility clinic in the city. its been almost 20 years since kendall and rava struggled to get pregnant, but still, he's not feeling optimistic.

stella gets a clean bill of health from the doctor, but ken isn't so lucky. just as he suspected, he was the problem. again.

was it the drugs? he was clean now, but he used so much...could he have ruined his chances forever?

stella assures him that it'll be okay, but she never went through what he had to 20 years ago.

they decide on a couple of treatments. they're both taking shots every day and pills at night and its exhausting. most of the meds go to kendall, but stella has to take some too, just in case.

they begin with intrauterine insemination, which is pretty simple and painless, but stella gets her period two weeks later. its hard on both of them, but especially kendall because he knows it's him, not her.

next they try ivf, which is a lot more complicated and expensive (not that money is an issue). now they both have to do injections and stella goes in for her egg retrieval.

the egg retrieval goes better than expected and they're left with 10. ken's sample has some relatively viable sperm so they pull the trigger and try to make some embryos.

the waiting is by-far the worst part, because deep down kendall knows there's no way those embryos are going to get made with his shitty sperm. he's right, unfortunately, and they're back to square one with zero embryos and ten now-frozen eggs.

kendall suggests a donor, like they did with iverson. stella's heartbroken, but they start to look into other options.

because they have the best doctors, however, they get into a trial for a new drug that increases sperm count and viability. stella is thrilled and insists kendall try it, but it's another injection and he's not super happy about it. nothing has ever worked for him, why now?

it's nice to have a break from more intense treatments, so they agree and kendall marks his torso up with injection pricks again.

three months later, ken and stella are enjoying some time off from surgery and tiny, microscopic cells that control their lives. kendall's in new york for the week, working on some financials for their production company (i imagine them making something rival to waystar and completely taking over the media scene), and stella is holding it down in los angeles, or at least trying to.

it's flu season and she's been to so many fancy parties in the last few weeks, stella is sick as a dog. she's a little worried, but the nausea, vomiting and headaches are typical for the flu, right?

she also chalks her late period up to stress. but it's been at least a few weeks...

the day before kendall is supposed to come home, stella drives herself to the hospital after she can't stop throwing up.

"when did the symptoms start?" the doctor asks.

"a week ago, i think, but ive been feeling kind of off for a while."

"and there's no chance you're pregnant? when was your last period?"

stella's heart skips a beat.

"um, i'm not sure. we're trying, uh, but it's been unsuccessful. my period is really irregular and i've been stressed so--" she trails off. "we've been trying for a couple of years."

"and are you taking medication?"

"i did, but it's not really..." she thinks for a bit. "it's not a uterus issue, it's my husband."

"and what is he taking?"

she tells the doctor about the new medication kendall is taking. "it's only been three months, so we're still hopeful. or at least i am."

"i've heard some great things about that new drug. it's really changing people's lives." the doctor smiles, turning away from stella and writing something down. "i'm going to order some tests, but i think you're fine."

------------------

kendall, obviously, sprints to his jet when stella tells him she's sick. she insists she's fine, but wants him to come home as soon as he can, which stresses him out to no avail.

he bursts through the door four hours later, finding stella reading a magazine on the couch.

"stell!" he says, running towards her.

"hey baby." she hugs him, bringing him down to the couch with her. stella presses her lips to his, but kendall is confused.

"aren't you sick?" he pulls away.

her face breaks into a huge smile. "about that..." stella gets up from the couch and walks to the kitchen.

kendall looks at her quizzically, as she comes back with a piece of paper in her hands.

"i have something to show you." she says, holding the paper close to her.

"okay..." kendall smiles at her, utterly confused.

stella carefully sits next to him on the couch. "here."

kendall recognizes the picture immediately. he used to frame them when rava was pregnant with iverson.

"what is this?" he holds up the ultrasound. it's too good to be true, right? tears prick his eyes.

stella is crying already, and takes his hand. "that's inside of me."

he looks down at the black and white photo again. a fuzzy, bean-looking object sits, next to another, smaller object. he's speechless for the first time in his life.

"what is that?" he whispers, pointing to the smaller object on the page.

stella looks at him, and he really can't read her for once.

"this surprise comes with another surprise." she laughs.

kendall's crying, but he takes another look. "is that..."

"yeah."

"two?" he smiles wide.

"i'm pregnant." she finally says, putting her hands on his cheeks. "baby, we're having twins."

they both burst out into crying giggles, hugging. kendall kisses her all over, stopping at her stomach. it's still pretty flat, but he knows her body so well he swears he can see a tiny bump growing.

THIS WAS SO FUN AND LOVELY TO WRITE I LOVE THEM AND I HOPE U DO TOO

[kalispitronhibernation]

for ask reasons i'm going through old drafts and here's a cute kenstewy thing from a very early draft of telemachus' detachment, back i when i was like this could be cute instead of very depressing

[set after the interview with Kendall coming out drops]

When he’s made it back that night, and he’s sending a half-coherent email to Comfrey about scoping out a profile with Attitude, a message pops up from Stewy: I hope you’re happy, bro. It’s followed by a link to his Instagram. Kendall clicks on it.

He’s not expecting the picture. Stewy’s just captioned it with the year: 1999. It’s him and Stewy, about nineteen, in their dorm. It was self-timed, the camera set up at the other end of the room, while they sit on the floor in-between their beds. They’re in jeans and college sweaters. They both have long hair: Stewy’s is curlier than he lets it get nowadays. Ken has the beginnings of patchy stubble; Stewy’s clean shaven. Stewy is kissing him on the cheek. Kendall looks pink and embarrassed, but he’s smiling. He hasn’t seen the photo for a long time: he deleted or burnt everything potentially incriminating when he was twenty-five. Anyone who saw it would know, immediately, that they were in a relationship, and not just joking around: they’re too close, nearly sitting on top of each other. They both look too pleased. He notices, and doesn’t remember seeing before, that they’re holding hands.

Kendall doesn’t know what to text. Thank you would be stupid, and not enough. Stewy’s just got himself into an absolute shit storm.

We looked good.

I looked good. Stewy replies. He’s still typing, though: We did look good.

And then: Okay I’m turning off my phone, my notifications are fucking scary.

[myloveforhergoeson]

what made roxy fall for james?

hello!! tysm for the ask, i've got a very long laundry list for you :)

(and btw im still thinking about the mickames confession, it had me shaking and crying and cheering and sobbing with how masterfully it was done! <3)

as we all know. i have written a lot. and i tend to favor more subtle forms of care here and there throughout a very very long period of time. rames wasn't love at first sight; these two idiots had no idea what their friendship would evolve into, it just kind of... happened over the course of spending time with each other!

for roxy, based on information presented to her by logan about james' dating past in Minnesota when they first meet, she either doesn't recognize his attempts at flirting or brushes them off as 'oh, he's just like this.' pretty standard pretty boy stuff lol. it isn't until she gets her heart broken on the night of the school dance she notices that james actually has stake in her happiness (he did far before this, of course, but this is the first time she truly takes note of it). he stays away from the action to make sure she's okay, gives her time and space to talk through her break up, and eventually, when she asks, he takes her to the dance to ensure the entire night isn't a bust. while she doesn't realize this, this event is the catalyst for her realizing she might like him a bit more than friends :)

her thoughts are more like 'wow! james is actually really sweet, that was nice of him to stand up to my ex, come talk to me and watch me write a new song, and take me to the dance! what a good friend!' girl...

over the next few chapters she finds herself in more situations where james is overtly showing her how much he cares; cleaning her wounds after she's attacked by a cat, comforting her after their first music video disaster, etc, etc, all culminating into big time rush and their assistant being sent home to Minnesota at the end of the first season!

at this point she is still good friends-ing him in her head, but, they are the only two of their friends who actively work to get back to LA and find themselves in a record deal with hawk records. it's now, for the first time, roxy truly takes note of how hard james is willing to work to reach his goals. (not that she didn't at rocque records, but i think solo v band dedication is different) she finds his dedication and drive more than inspiring, and recognizes his efforts to get back to Hollywood... all while insisting to their new record label that he only flies back out there if she comes with him.

to james' credit, this was mainly a career move considering she's written almost all the btr songs, but of course, he has liked her for months at this point and also can't stand the thought of being across the entire country from her. he takes care of her on the flight over (my poor always airsick queen...) comforts her on their first night alone in their new apartment when she confesses that being there without kendall carlos and logan feels wrong

so now, she's able to see his hard work first hand, he isn't having to share his journey with his friends so he's working so much harder than he did in btr, and she takes note of his passion for what he does and finds that incredibly inspiring. but what she finds she likes even more, is his choice to ultimately return to big time rush even when hawk was willing to give him a solo three record deal.

after a steamy little moment in an elevator, she realizes she wishes james would have kissed her, sees him finally reconnect with his friends after days of being away from each other, has a dramatic flashback of all the good times they've had together, and realizes, at long last, she has a crush on him which only grows deeper and deeper until they finally get together

and, even with all this, i also don't want to discount physical attraction, especially with teenagers lol. she thinks he's super hot !

so yeah, lots of little things over a long period of time. mostly that he's actually quite caring when it comes to not only her, but their friends, he's one of the most dedicated people she's ever meet and they both have a unique shared tenacity for reaching their dreams, and she loves the way he makes her feel strong and confident - like she can do anything she sets her mind to!

truly i believe that tasw loses a lot of this explanation in real time because roxy is a little dumb (affectionately), so i've been trying to work on that these last few chapters!

again, tysm for the ask! i love yapping about my little guys sooo much and getting to correct areas of my story i feel i haven't done justice to :)

from the mickames confession, i've got a pretty good idea about james and mickey and their feelings towards each other, and i'm so excited to see the future of their relationship. spoiler-free butttt anything you're looking forward to writing now that they've confessed??!

everyone else - favorite rames moment?? tell me in my inbox for some bts knowledge lol

[stewy]

what do you think of shiv's politics and humanity despite of It All? on one hand, she is a billionaire who did Stuff to support the family business, but historically, looking back on the whole show, i think she's the roy who's closest to caring about other people in a somewhat genuine way, which obviously has to do with her status as a woman even in her own family. she was a political consultant who worked to elect progressives, and even after gil fired her for billionaire behavior, she still said he was a great candidate, A SOCIALIST. she told connor, who was pathetically shittalking gil for his politics, that he was gonna be the next president. she seemed genuine, which is pretty shocking for someone in her economic position. i think shiv's deal after s2 is that she was so fucked in the head because she thought she got so close to gaining logan's approval and respect that there was no turning back for her when it came to keep pursing that above basically anything else. after s3, it's also that, but i assume the focus will be getting revenge on him. i do realize she also wanted professional and political credit for working to elect gil, so there's the nuance of self-serving motivation. when she said she genuinely cared about "cleaning up" ATN of the horrific misogyny, i think she was being more truthful than kendall, who was too fucked in the head by his own very personal and localized issues to understand the scope of ATN's social damage and part of it was ego, like she said to his face. he basically started to understand that only at the end of s3, and while shiv has always been the most advanced roy in that regard.

oh damn. i think you've laid it all out, but the fact that there is not a right answer is, in itself, an answer. the Roys all care about other people, they're humans after all, but I think you're right in saying that Shiv is the one who come closest to what an outside would call a decent person. and I think that is due to the fact she is somewhat the child most humanized (?) and shown displays of affection by Logan. when you are sure of where you stand with your parents (or parent, seeing as Caroline holds a certain disdain for her daughter) it's easier to navigate relationships outside of the family structure. we know she was dating Tom for years before the wedding and even if she was always had some level of neglect towards their relationship, she was clearly present enough for him to have lasted all those years.

eventually, however, we cannot forget she is a billionaire from the crib, and even her exile from Waystar won't put her begging on the streets for money or in a remotely unstable financial situation (at least it's what I assume). so if we're talking about class, she's just a basic liberal white woman. who cares if she tried to elect a democrat? at the end of the day, it was just a job for her, she had no real skin in the game. the hand-shaking on episode 2 of season 2 tells you (and Gil) everything you need to know about where Shiv stands.

[takeeachdayonebookatatime]

Why did you elbow me? 155

Achilles Castle part 57

Kate: Ryan and Esposito ask how my Dr's appointment was since i'm back from it. It turned out good boys, everything is looking okay for now.

Ryan Jenny has an ultrasound appointment today, she is stopping by afterwards to say hi and discuss what the Dr said.

Jenny: pov I grabbed some lunch before my Dr's appointment. This is just a check up. Everything has been looking good so far. Our little boy is right on track and growing just fine. So far my Dr's have no concerns which is amazing.

Ryan: pov After doing paperwork for a while Jenny appears and says everything went well at the appointment the baby looks great and right on track with growth and development.

Lanie: pov turns out my victim did died by suicide, while I'm talking to Esposito on the phone updating him I mention you don't have to keep looking into his life it was 100% a suicide. Me and Esposito have plans for later.

Esposito: pov after work me and Lanie head home since she had a long day at work we order Chinese food and pick a movie to watch nothing like dumplings, egg rolls and fried rice to make your day i know it's unhealthy but who cares. After cleaning up the garbage things start heating up in the bedroom Lanie starts taking my clothes off. The top drawer has what I'm looking for in it. I grab one and slide it on. I can tell Lanie is excited since she got me these pajama pants, it comes with a matching shirt which I also grab.

Time jump a few days later

Kate: pov Dr Burkett my Cardiologist said i should see a Dr who treats scar tissue and i made an appointment with one. Today is that day and I'm 100% nervous. In a few days Castle will start physical therapy on his foot. They wanted to wait a few extra days just in case until the cast comes off. Not sure if I should wear one of the funny shirts Castle suggests or a plaid button down shirt and black pants. After taking my meds and brushing my teeth I hop in the shower quickly once that is done I grab the plaid shirt and black pants.

Martha: pov last night we talked about it and I offered to make Katherine and Richard oatmeal before her appointment since I head out to my acting school a few minutes later. Richard is going to use his crutches today but just in case Katherine is packing the wheelchair. Breakfast is great. A discussion about her upcoming appointment is discussed, especially about how nervous she is.

Castle: pov after breakfast me and Kate head off to her appointment. I know she is very scared about it. She finds a parking spot in front, the waiting room is packed. Kate signs herself in and the woman behind the desk hands her a clipboard to fill out a form for her medical history. I know Kate handed the receptionist the paper stating she has a heart condition and PTSD. 40 minutes later and her name is called. A nurse has us follow her down a hallway and into a room with light yellow walls. The nurse takes Katie's vitals and asks if she is on any medication. Kate replies yes and lists all the medication she is on.

Nurse Kendall: pov the first appointment with a new Dr is always nerve racking. I will give you a few minutes to settle down then take your vitals again. Mr Castle says to me your reading might not actually be accurate since she has a heart condition. Oh I did not think about the fact that her vitals might be different from other patients. A Dr should be with you in a few minutes.

Dr Pierce: pov after introducing myself Kate explains why they are here today. I read your medical history and understand you have a heart condition and survived a shooting, she says yes it was at my Captain's funeral I was giving the eulogy when it happened. I know from her medical records that her shooting caused her heart condition. That must have been so traumatizing getting shot at a funeral.

Kate: pov you have no idea, I have PTSD, loud noises and light reflecting off of stuff bother me and a few other things. We discuss a few more things, Dr Pierce asks if I can take off my shirt so he can look at my scars. He asks why they did a thoracotomy instead of a sternotomy, my trauma was so severe they weren't even sure if I was going to make it. We talked about the location of my scar tissue and issues it is causing. Dr Pierce mentions anything done to remove or shrink my scar tissue would require a cardiac surgeon being present since I have a heart condition and have had a few cardiac arrests, also some of the scar tissue is on my ventricle which is another concern. I also have a weakened immune system which puts me at risk for complications.

Dr Pierce: pov her surgery Scar is pretty big, it's not her big concern it's the internal scar tissue causing her the problems, I would like to get an ultrasound of your scar tissue. Castle mentions she just had one done at her last check up a few days ago with her cardiologist and her pulmonary Dr, they should be in her file. After going over the scans and pointing out a few things we discuss what the best opinion would be for Kate. You should talk to Dr Burkett and get his opinion before you make a final decision.

Castle: pov we part ways leaving the appointment very hopeful that this will help Kate live a better life. I’m going to hang at the precinct today. Maybe it will inspire me, you never know. It's decided while on the way back we are stopping to pick up food. Let's hope the rest of the day turns out good. To be continued. ……….

[youvebeenlivingfictional]

Since we're in a baby fever: stewy being a literal daddy. I feel like he would actually be good with kids

Warnings: Implied drug use, mentions of pregnancy

He's a little bit of dick at first when you tell him.

He tells you that he'll start interviewing nannies, and he says it with a teasing little grin.

But when you press, "Stewy," Softly, belying your nerves, it kinda lands with him more seriously.

He jumps into plan mode—getting you a better apartment with room for the baby, but not moving you in with him.

It makes sense to you. Stewy needs his space, and you didn't expect him to become a lap dog with a baby on the way.

Besides, he likes his late-night activities, and you're not gonna begrudge him that. There are some activities of his that you don't want around the baby.

Stewy doesn't want those around the baby, either. He saw how they messed up Kendall's relationship and marriage.

Speaking of marriage—

"Do you wanna get married?" He asks while you're sorting through paint color sample sheets.

"If this is your proposal, Hosseini, I'm underwhelmed."

"Seriously, though."

You glance up at him, thoughtful. Then you say, "Maybe, someday. But not just because of...You know."

You look back down at the paint, and he drops the topic.

You and the baby get the best of everything.

Did you know that there was such a thing as designer maternity clothing?

You know now, because it just turns up at your door. You never order any of it, Stewy always does.

He takes care of the down payment on your new apartment, but agrees to let you pay the utilities.

He puts your name on the lease, lets you choose most of the furnishings, which makes it feel like your home, not like 'the place that was bought for you'.

You do disagree over the nursery's furnishings.

You manage to talk him down from white carpet, because it's a baby's room, and, "Babies are messy."

"You'll have a maid, it'll stay clean."

"Stewy."

"...Grey?"

"Better."

Once the baby's there, Stewy's at the apartment most nights. Not every night, but often enough to know when dinner time for the baby is, and bedtime, and when not to come bursting into the apartment after a night out.

That's when his having his own apartment comes in handy.

If he can't say goodnight himself, he usually tries to FaceTime with the baby.

The baby gets as many designer clothes as you do—almost entirely ordered by Stewy as well.

It's not uncommon to see Stewy with the baby in his arm, and his phone in the other hand, texting or emailing.

Or to see Stewy bouncing the child with his phone tucked between his ear and his shoulder.

Stewy curses around the baby often, but not pointedly. He just doesn't think about it.

He does hire a nanny to help you out, and you find that you don't mind it as much as you thought you might.

You're able to go back to work without worrying terribly about the baby.

Sometimes, when you're heading home, you step out of the office building to find Stewy standing in front of a black town car, waiting for you.

9/10 times the two of you go home to the baby.

The other time, he ushers you into the bar and takes you out to dinner, or at least get takeout before heading home to the baby.

Stewy's not always the easiest to be with, but he's mostly understanding when you put your foot down where your child is involved.

On the baby's first birthday, as you're getting throw the baby's birthday party, you look down to find the baby crawling you.

"Honey," You coo, bending down to scoop them up, "What are you doing? I thought Daddy was picking something for you to wear—" Your eyes dart to a small bracelet on the baby's wrist, and find an engagement ring hanging there.

You stare at it for a moment, stunned, before you spot Stewy standing in the doorway, smiling expectantly. You huff out a soft laugh, shaking your head a little as the baby squirms and squeals, gripping your shirt.

Stewy comes more deeply into the room, asking, "Still underwhelmed?"

"Shut up," You laugh softly as Stewy cuddles into your side and drops a kiss to your lips.

[wambsgansshoelaces]

Something Sweet; Chapter 8

Kendall Roy x Reader

a/n: I do not want peace. I want problems, always :^)

Word Count: 3.425k

You don’t see Kendall in person for the next few days. He texts you non stop. And when he calls, he always sounds so dejected and utterly fucking exhausted.

“Basically, in his heavily drugged state,” he says, frustration evident in his tone, “he’s insisting he stay on and he’s making ridiculous fucking decisions. Everything’s going to collapse around us without us doing anything.”

You didn’t really know what you could do to help other than be a pair of sympathetic ears. “What’s he done, specifically?”

“He’s firing essential personnel left and right. He’s pissed off half the shareholders in two days. He’s going fucking crazy, Y/N, and I don’t know what to do.”

“Surely there’s some sort of fall back for this kind of thing,” you say. “Checks and balances and all that.”

He hums, agreeing. “There is. The issue is getting enough people behind me to actually get it to work.”

“Can the press thing work more than once?”

“Only for a bit. They don’t control internal affairs, anyway.”

“You and your siblings are all on the same page. We can come up with something.”

“Conner,” is all he says to remind you.

You sigh. “That’s another problem.”

“What’s wrong, babe? He giving you a hard time?”

He throws the pet name out so suddenly your heart stops then restarts. “He’s just... being complicated.”

“Nit picking?”

“Mhm…”

“I’ll get him off your ass. For a bit, anyway.” You hear him shift around in his seat.

“What’s kept you in the office for so long?”

“I’m scared shit will hit the fan while I’m away. I need to clean up my dad’s shitstorms, fucking armor the company for any bullshit coming.”

“I’ll drop off some sweets,” you say firmly, knowing he’ll try to argue. You don’t care. You’re going to see him.

“Babe, don’t bother. Don’t let me distract you.”

“You don’t want to see me?” you ask teasingly.

“Of course I want to see you. You’re all I think about. But I don’t want you overworking yourself.”

“We’ve had this conversation millions of times before, Ken.”

“Don’t start.”

“I’ll see you in an hour.”

In your bakery kitchen, you take out the layers of a prototype cake for Willa. You’ll let it cool while you see Kendall, and the rest of your day will be spent experimenting with frosting decoration. You toss a bunch of sweets you know he loves into a box and you’re off. Your to-go boxes have never been used more than when you’ve been with Kendall.

You’re not really sure why you offered to go to him. You’ve never been to Waystar before, and quite frankly, it is horrifying. You’re nervous as you stare up at the building. You don’t even know where his office is. You must look as out of place as you feel, because someone rushes out to meet you. She’s very well put together, pencil skirt and blazer straight, stilettos high.

“Kendall told me you’d be coming. I’m Jess, his assistant.” She reaches out to shake your hand. “You’re so much lovelier in person! I’ve heard so much about you. Come on, he’s waiting.”

You go up an impossible number of levels in the elevator, Jess pleasant and polite. She shoos off any stray associate asking after her employer, taking you straight to his office and opening the door for you. You thank her and scoot in, giving Kendall a wave.

He waves awkwardly back from behind his desk before quickly getting up to take the box from you. He drops it on a coffee table laid out in the office and cups your face in his hands to kiss you.

“I told you you didn’t have to come.”

“Wanted to.” You kiss his nose.

“I wanted you to. Don’t ever take me seriously, okay?” He gives your hair a stroke before stepping back to his desk. You sink into a chair across from him, watching as he anxiously taps through his computer. “I’m sorry. There’s just so much.”

“It’s okay. What’s going on now?”

“Nothing new. Shiv and I are scrambling to put things together. Roman’s trying to keep Dad distracted. I think. I hope.”

He frowns to himself, chewing on the inside of his cheek.

“It’s really no big deal if I have to leave-”

“No, absolutely not. Stay, I want you to stay.” His gaze flickers between you and his screen. “Just you being here helps me.” He waves you over.

You round the desk, and he reaches out to you, pulling you into his lap. You feel the heat rush to your face. His entire office was ceiling-to-floor windows. It’s not like you had privacy. He gives your hip a rub.

“I want your opinion on something,” he says into your shoulder.

“Always.”

His chin now sits on your shoulder, peering at his computer screen. “Am I a bad person because I’m trying to sever my dad’s control in Waystar? Completely?”

You shift in his lap, sitting so you’re half facing him. “Kendall. You’re a good man. I don’t know why you won’t let yourself realize that.” You let your hands slide over the expanse of his shoulders. “You’re so good. So kind, thoughtful. One decision doesn’t determine who you are. Besides, I have a feeling you’re doing it for the right reasons.”

“Does it even matter what my intentions are?” he asks meekly, small smile playing at his lips. “I’m… I feel so conflicted.”

Your fingers begin tracing patterns into the ridges of his shoulders. “All I’ll say,” you begin, “is that I trust that you’ll do what is right. Not just by family- but by the company. The people who work here. The people who rely on their jobs, barely making any money. Roman, Shiv, even Connor. You’re smart, Kendall, and you’re a good man. I trust any decision you make will be the right one.”

જ⁀➴

“God, Y/N, it’s gorgeous!” Willa exclaims, rounding the counter to view the prototype cake from all angles. It’s a few more days after you’d visited Kendall in his office, and his workload hasn’t lightened. He’d taken your advice, called a vote of no confidence, and gotten his father removed from the company with an incredible amount of backing. Now, he was scrambling to keep everything together. Shiv had been appointed joint CEO alongside Kendall, Roman acting COO.

You know Kendall wasn’t purposely avoiding you, and he had a shit ton of work to do, but apart of you still felt neglected.

“I’m glad you love it! We’re good with the colors and flowers and everything?”

She’s grinning wildly, hands clasped in front of her. “Can I have a slice?”

“Of course.” You cut her a piece and hand it to her. She leans against the counter, spooning a bit into her mouth.

Saying nothing, she puts the plate down and wraps you in a warm hug. “You’re going to make the most important day of my life so much better.”

You give her a friendly squeeze. “I’m so glad.”

“How are things going? Apart from baking. How are you?”

You can’t stop yourself from smiling. “Oh, I’m alright. I can’t complain. There’s lots of business coming through thanks to your fiancé’s family.”

She’s smiling back. “That’s good. You deserve all of this and more.” She goes back to her cake, taking another bite. “There’s… a lot going on with them, isn’t there?”

You tuck a strand of hair back behind your ear. “Too much,” you mutter back.

“Well, I’ve been around long enough to know what it’s like for one of us.” She gives your arm a squeeze. “We’re friends. You can count on me.”

“You’re sweet,” you say sincerely. “And my door is always open if you need anything. Feel free to knock even if I’m closed.”

“It’s so nice to have someone in my corner,” she admits. “You know, someone normal.”

You snort. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“As much as I love Connor, I can’t say the name ‘Roy’ is very appealing. It brings a lot of… drama.”

“I can’t disagree with you, really.”

The two of you continue to chat, Willa finishing her slice. As the sun dips across the horizon, you ask her if she’d like you to cut up the rest of the cake for her to take home.

“Let me help you,” she insists, finding a clean knife and getting to work. You both carefully box up the rest of the three layer cake, continuing your chatter.

“We’re going to be eating cake for a while,” she says, laughing. “Thank you so much for everything. I’m sorry Connor didn’t come.”

“It’s alright. Your company is good company.”

You wave her off, twin smiles pasted on your faces.

You decide to close up for the day after a few customers come in after dark. You make your way back up to your home, checking your phone. Kendall hasn’t texted back since the morning, and it makes you nervous. Once you’re curled up on the couch, you decide to give him a call.

No response.

You think nothing of it. Eventually, he’ll see your missed calls, and he’ll call you back. Besides, it’s the 30th of December.

You had plans for tomorrow.

The night goes by without a peep from him. You’re beginning to worry. Sometime the next morning, before you go down to work, you call Shiv.

“Y/N, hey. I was actually just about to call.”

“Hi, Shiv. Have you heard from Kendall lately?”

“That’s what I was going to ask you.” You hear her put down something onto a table. “He left work yesterday early and I haven’t seen him since. He was supposed to be here at six.” You glance at the stove clock. It’s ten. “I thought he’d be with you.”

“So did I,” you respond. “I’ll keep calling him. Let me know if you hear from him, okay?”

“Yeah, of course. Same to you. Take care of yourself, Y/N,” she says carefully, right before she hangs up.

Your workday is distracted. You can’t think of anything but Kendall. All of you was praying, hoping that he was okay, that he wasn’t doing anything to hurt himself.

Shiv comes by to buy a few things, with no good news. “Still nothing,” she murmurs to you over the counter. “He’s probably fine. Spells like this happen all the time with him.” She chews on her lip, fiddling with the cap of her hot coffee. “But I thought I’d just let you know this, in person, rather than you having to figure it out yourself.”

You blink. “Let me know what?”

“Historically speaking,” she begins, “every time Ken’s gone for a day or two, it’s because… it’s because he’s back on drugs. Something triggers him, he runs, he finds it again.”

You swallow. He’d been running from something, the first time you’d met, then. Thanksgiving felt like ages ago- but it was only more than a month.

It’s not like you hadn’t thought about it. You’d first met him when he was high out of his mind, and then he was immediately sober for every other interaction. Anybody would find it suspicious. You found it suspicious- you found yourself quietly questioning, will it happen?

You think you know him well enough to speculate it won’t. That he won’t.

But you don’t know him that well, do you?

Shiv leaves you with a brief hug and a whispered ‘good luck’. You keep the bakery open until nine, your hope dwindling with each passing hour. He was supposed to come over at eight.

You can’t tell if you’re more angry or worried. For one, you’re raging. You’re so fucking pissed that he’s leaving you hanging like this, that he’s gone radio silent. But then, what if he hurt himself? What is something went wrong?

You’re torn between yourself as you drop yourself onto the edge of your bed. You had plans to dress up and put glitter and tinsel in your hair, but as you saw it, there’d be no point.

You change into your pajamas and stretch out on the couch, putting on your favorite comfort show. The angels above knew you needed it.

Ten rolls around, nothing.

Then eleven.

And midnight.

Happy new year, Y/N!

A text from Willa, at least. You’d pop one of the confetti poppers you’d bought for you and Kendall, but you can’t be bothered to clean the mess it’d make up.

The first days of the new year are agony. The cynical, negative part of your heart that you tried to stamp down screamed ‘I knew it, I knew it!’

Even thought it’s only been a month, it’s only been barely a month, you wanted so badly to be loved, to be wanted by someone. You thought you were going to get there with Kendall. You’re distraught these next few days, hearing nothing from him, his family hearing nothing from him. The only sort of communication given was that Shiv had been given the reigns in his absence to ‘handle something’.

You don’t know what to do with yourself.

But what can you do?

Mid-January rolls around, and you’ve coaxed yourself into a false sense of contentment. You’re not over it, though. You’ll never really be over it.

While you couldn’t say you loved Kendall, you knew you were on your way to it. And as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Your only company for the last couple weeks has been Willa. She was a constant in your bakery. She began to hang around after one afternoon of tasting sweets, helping you with miscellaneous tasks around your shop.

She was observant. She noticed your progressive deflation, despite your best efforts trying to pretend like you were fine. That you were ‘over it’. Willa never said anything; she just watched as you frosted cupcakes much slower than you used to and picked up a stray piping bag and asked to be taught.

She comes in every day, brings in the trash bin from outside before you get the chance to, and acts as an employee.

“Willa, at least let me compensate you. You’re doing so much,” you tell her one day, leaning against the counter, wiping cake batter from your hands.

She shakes her head as she chops up a raw bar of dark chocolate. “I have more than enough money.”

“Then what can I do for you in return? I can’t just let you do all of this.” You watch as she hums happily to herself, chopping and transferring the chips into a separate bowl.

“I don’t want anything in return,” she replies. “I’m doing this because I want to.”

“Willa.”

“Really, I do!” she insists. She turns, brushing away stray flakes of chocolate off her hands. “You’re going through something right now. We’re friends, I’m going to be here for you.” She comes towards you, setting her hands on your arms. “I can’t say I know where Kendall is, but from what I know, he’s so, so into you.”

You bite your tongue, trying to stave off oncoming tears. “Then why…?”

Willa sighs, giving your shoulders a rub. “Again, I can’t say I know. But I can promise it’s something out of your control, something he did for the good of you both.”

The tears fade away, and you frown. “So you know?” you ask carefully.

Caught, she drops her grip from your shoulders and instead takes your hand. “He asked Connor not to say anything. I’m going to respect his wishes.” So he’d been in contact with someone. And as much as you were bitter, you respected Willa more because of it. “He wants to talk to you. He does. But he can’t.”

You chew on the inside of your cheek, turning things over in your head. “Can you tell me something?”

“I’ll do my best.”

“Is it… is it the drugs?”

She nods. “Yeah. Yeah, it is. I can’t say anything else. I’m sorry.”

You struggle to comprehend. “Do you think you can get Connor to ask him to talk to me? To reach out?”

“I promise, he’s tried. I don’t think he’s trying to avoid you on purpose.”

As little of a reassurance that it is, it helps you. It takes the suffocation of does he? away from you. Even though you’re still confused, you’re still extremely upset, you can now cling to a shred of hope.

It’s dangerous, yes. But there are worse things in life.

The days leak by. You’re nearing the end of January, inching closer to February, to Valentine’s Day. To the wedding.

A week after your conversation with Willa, you’d gotten a call from an unknown number on your work phone. You lose track of who and how many people you give your business cards to, so you make it a habit to always answer calls made to your work number.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Y/N.”

“Kendall.”

There was a long stretch of strained silence.

“Listen. It… I… I don’t know how I got here,” he said, his voice breaking. He sounds absolutely exhausted, his voice raspy. “I’m so fucking sorry. I did this all the wrong way. I should’ve told you the minute I got here, but they wouldn’t let me, they just called my fucking dad…”

“Kendall, slow down.”

“I’m in rehab.” Another long, intense, pause. “I… it was a bad relapse. And normally, I wouldn’t run to rehab like this, I’d just continue on… but dammit, Y/N, I can’t fucking do that to you.”

“When? When’d this happen?”

“Two days after I last saw you. In the office.”

“Are you okay? Healthy?”

“Yeah, fine. I’m fine. I checked myself in. I should’ve said something, I know it. I feel fucking horrible, because you’re nothing but sweet and kind and gorgeous. God, I feel like garbage. I understand entirely if you’re… if you don’t…”

“Kendall, enough. I’m not dumping you over this,” you say with a note of finality. You fiddle with the hem of your shirt. “I’m upset, yeah, but… but I can’t really be that upset, right?”

“I’d be mad,” he says quietly.

“I mean, I am. But I understand.”

Another pause. “That’s all I can ask.”

“When can I see you?” you ask quietly.

“I don’t… I don’t know. They don’t allow visitors.” You hear him shift in his seat, clothes rustling. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Just take care of yourself. For me.”

“I will. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

જ⁀➴

You take the next few weeks one day at a time. You get yourself ready for Croatia, for the rigor that will be the wedding.

You and Kendall go back to talking daily, but it’s different now. Choppy, forced. You want to make this work. You can’t let this fail. You just can’t.

Willa starts bringing you handwritten notes from him. In one of them, he writes about how he feels he’s failed you, and how once he’s back to normal, he’ll pour his entire soul into everything he does for you. He talks about how he want you to feel special, wanted, loved. Loved.

You can tell, just from the amount of notes sent, he’s trying. He’s sorry. It only takes a week for you to amass a large stack of scraps of paper, his thoughts scrawled all over them.

He tells you he misses you, and over and over again that he’s sorry. You believe him. As badly as you want to stay mad, you can’t. You just want to talk to him face to face now.

You don’t have time to write notes back. You’re so busy with preparations for the wedding you don’t even have time to breathe. You don’t want to know what’ll happen to you if you fuck up in front of Logan Roy; even though he’s sick and frail, you don’t want to even come close to finding out.

February first, you’re packing your bags last-minute. You’re scrambling, making sure to take everything you need. Aprons, baking uniforms, nice clothes, cute outfits you haven’t had the chance to wear. Your toiletries and all of your makeup make it into your carry on, jewelry and accessories packaged carefully and stuck into the bag you planned on checking.

You manage to drag your big suitcase out to the car Connor had sent for you, the driver quickly coming to help. You have a flight booked business class- you were beyond excited. Once everything is in the trunk of the car, and you’re sat in the backseat, you’re off.

[girlbenson]

hi for the love of god hello! idk if youve answered this before but favourite kenstew fics?

OH BOY . OH BOY .

kenstewy fic rec under the cut.......

numb gums and nosebleeds by moonrocks

summary:

February 1999. Cambridge, MA.

Stewy is always chasing Kendall, in one way or another.

home is where i want to be (but i guess i’m already there) by moonrocks

summary:

Three days before spring break, Stewy and Kendall get locked out of their dorm. Emotions complicate things.

client kings by leoandsnake

summary:

It is really hot to him, how bad Kendall wants him. He’s a guy, so he’s not used to being desired like that. He’s not used to rapacious male eyes on him. But it’s fun. It’s a very different kind of power, to be able to put a powerful man under your thumb like that. No powerful man has ever listened to Stewy the way Kendall does — mostly they just tolerate him. (part 1 of the frat bros series)

altitude sickness by leoandsnake

summary:

“Us?” Stewy sits up and tugs his boxers back on, so he’s no longer lying prone under Kendall with his used-up dick out. “Us as in you and your dad, the guy who pissed on your office carpet because he was walking around tripping balls from having no oxygen in his brain and the one earthly thing he could remember was that he hates you? That guy?” (Part 2 of the frat bros series)

corporate patricide by leoandsnake

summary:

“To be clear,” Kendall says, coughing, “I don’t want to see or talk to Sandy tonight. I’m not, um, in the right mindset. This is good, though, for you… for you guys. No matter what happens with me, this is good for you, so, just, uh, keep that at the fore.”

Stewy stares at him, then demands, “Why are you talking to me like you’re about to blow your brains out?” (Part 3 of the frat bros series)

buy more stock in roses by skazka

summary:

Stewy and Kendall have a standing arrangement at Harvard.

vertigo

summary:

So, the axioms of Stewy: 1. touching Kendall, 2. getting away with it.

'cause we both know money burns by janie_tangerine

summary:

“Are you still wearing those trousers? The Armani?” He asks, noticing that Kendall has on the same damned pair he used to put on in college all the time even if it was obvious it didn’t fit right.

“Oh,” Kendall says, “I guess. They were a gift from my father’s. Guess I should throw them away. But they seem to fit now.”

“And do you like it?” Stewy asks, honestly wanting to know the answer. Surely he didn’t at Harvard.

“No,” Kendall replies at once. “Guess I could use ruining them for real.”

“Oh,” Stewy asks, “and do you need a volunteer?”

Kendall half-smiles back. “I guess it doesn’t mean you won’t stab me in the back if it benefits you?”

Or: three times in which they fuck under the influence and one in which they don't.

i don’t forgive you (but please don’t hold me to it) by moonrocks

summary:

After abstaining from the vote of no confidence, Stewy is looking to make it up to Kendall.

For whatever reason, Kendall lets him.

(Canon divergence from "Prague" in which Kendall agrees to "talk in private.")

and treat this night like it’ll happen again by postcardmystery

summary:

Kendall and Stewy go on the road trip from (to) hell, hide out and freak out and stop avoiding the hard questions, and come to terms with what it means to pass the point of no return.

bring your love baby, i could bring my shame by blamelessfool

summary:

Stewy resists the urge to roll his eyes, but just barely. He’s bored of Kendall pretending to hate him.

Cannon divergence from "Prague"

Clean Break by skeilig

summary:

“Is that why you’re calling me, you want me to– what, read the stock price out loud to you while you jerk off?”

Kendall and Stewy, after the press conference.

Inside Dark Corridors, Beneath My Ribs by s_endeavour

summary:

Stewy makes a late night visit to Waystar offices. Set somewhere between 1.03 and 1.06.

soap bubbles and champagne by moonrocks

summary:

Stewy visits Kendall in Denver, CO, but quickly realizes Kendall's attention is split.

Chemical Best Friend by s_endeavour

summary:

Stewy meanders across the coffee shop, catches Kendall’s eye and raises an eyebrow. Kendall is standing before he even realises he’s on the move.

After that scene in Lifeboats. You know the one.

[from-the-clouds]

Thinking of a Place (Part III) - Kendall Roy x Reader

gif by @televisionchronicles

Part One | Part Two | Fic Playlist | Masterlist

Summary: You attempt to piece your life back together after your time spent with Kendall, and finding out your job is likely obsolete.

Words: 6.9k.

Warnings: Contains SMUT (minors dni) unprotected sex. Depression. Angst. Kendall Roy existing and being a deeply sad man. Spoilers for seasons 1-3 of Succession.

A/N: So uh, I didn't think I'd continue this but I was kind of itching to write something longer with Kendall, and I really liked these two. So I sat and thought about how to keep this going and have a plan. All the kinks aren't ironed out yet, but I am assuming there will be at least 3-4 more parts, maybe. Hopefully ya'll are interested/excited & down for the ride.

I apologize in advance for any inaccuracies in business procedures or anything like that while I progress through this storyline. I write for fun while still working full time, so don't always have time to deeply research every story I post. But I've been really enjoying writing this. Sorry in advance for allllll the angst. And sorry to my former english teachers for using flashbacks. Also, all flashbacks are in italics

Also please go listen to the playlist I made for this story! Music is such a big part of the writing process for me and I love when writers post what they listen to when writing! Helps me discover new stuff.

Frantically typing on your computer, you were trying to get all your work done before the end of the day. For the first time in years, you had time off for the holiday, and you were spending it alone at a resort in The Bahamas. You were usually alone on the holidays anyways, but at least this year it wouldn’t be spent in your shoddy apartment.

When you heard a knock on your office door, you looked up, to find Kendall poking his head in. “Oh, hey Ken, come in,” you frowned. He rarely came to visit your office, so you wondered if you were in trouble, especially when he shut the door behind him.

“Hey, you’re leaving tonight?” he asked.

“Yeah, I got a flight to catch in a couple hours,” you said, eyeing him as he stepped forward, somewhat awkwardly. Fuck, fuck, fuck. You tried to figure out what you had done wrong recently that might warrant a closed door meeting. During your last one-on-one with him you had gotten rather snippy about an acquisition he wanted to make that you thought was a poor choice, and the conversation ended with him commanding you to leave his office. But honestly, that type of thing had happened before and hadn’t been a big deal. Maybe this time it was, and you hadn’t realized it.

“Uh-huh, I wanted to catch you before you left. Give you this.”

“What?” you sat up straight in your desk chair, leaning forward as he presented you with a very professionally wrapped gift you hadn’t noticed he was holding until now. “What is this?”

“You can open it,” he stood in front of you, waiting, crossing his arms.

“Kendall, seriously?” You asked, looking down at the white box, emblazoned with the Dior logo. But you did as he instructed, undoing the crisp ribbon and lifting off the top of the box. Reaching inside, you pulled out a very intricately designed piece of what felt like…silk.

“Wow this is…” your eyes widened as you pulled the scarf out of the box, admiring the detail, the feeling of the fabric slipping delicately through your fingers. “It’s beautiful.” You shook your head, unable to find anything else to say, unable to express any emotion besides pure shock.

“Uh-huh,” he said, watching you closely. “I’ve been clean for a year now, and uh, I know that uh, you aren’t still…doing the same job you did when we met but uh, I can’t help but think you’re partially responsible for helping me get my shit together, so uhh…I wanted to thank you.”

With a fucking Dior scarf? What were you going to do with a Dior scarf? You didn’t even want to know how much it cost, even though you were absolutely going to look it up when you went home just to see. Probably more than you spent on groceries in a year. You did pretty well for yourself at this point, in fact, you’d been pretty excited when you were able to buy a dress one time at FreePeople that wasn’t in the sale section, but Dior? That didn’t seem attainable, ever.

“If you’ve been clean for a year, you should buy something for yourself, not for me,” you said, wryly, setting down the scarf and offering a smile. You really, really, hated receiving gifts, there was something about it that made you feel guilty, especially when it was unexpected. Because of that, the only thing you could do besides blush and avoid eye contact was crack a joke.

“Uh-huh, well, it’s Christmas, too,” he said, as you continued to inspect the gift. “And…I’ve seen you wear stuff like that. They’re hand painted, you know.”

“Yeah,” you shook your head, taking a deep breath. You already knew that because you’d read it last week in an art magazine. This was, in theory, a very good and considerate gift. But, you wondered if it was even appropriate to wear something like this around the office, if word got out that he’d bought it for you.

Pushing back your chair, you stood, circling around your desk to approach him. “Thank you, Kendall, it’s beautiful. Very thoughtful.”

In some deeper part of your brain, you thought this was a really hot thing for him to do for you. But you were going to pretend like you didn’t.

So you hugged him carefully, and he seemed surprised at first, taking a second to hug you back, embracing you cautiously. As you pulled away, however, he pressed a gentle, well-mannered kiss to your cheek. One of your hands remained on his shoulder as you looked at him.

“You should be really proud of yourself, you know. Staying sober for a year…still in this shitshow?” you chuckled, gesturing around the office, shaking your head. “I’m proud of you. That can’t be easy.”

Squeezing his shoulder, you dropped your hand. He chuckled, looking down, putting his hands in the pockets of his suit jacket. “Uh-huh…fucking, it’s not. But uh, thanks. I should let you get back at it, though. Merry Christmas.”

You smiled. “Merry Christmas, Kendall.”

--- --- --- --- ---

Sunlight streamed through cracks in the curtains, and it took you a minute upon waking to recognize where you were.

It was warm. Comfortingly, blissfully warm, and you turned your head to find the source of the heat, and the soft sighs next to you.

Kendall.

His head was on your shoulder, your arms wrapped around him, holding him close, while one of his hands splayed across your belly. Snippets of the night before flashed through your mind, his mouth on every part of you, body stretched out over yours.

Now, he looked so peaceful, curled around you, snug, fast asleep. The air in his place was cool, you could feel the goosebumps rising on your exposed skin, but he was like a furnace coiled against you. You didn’t mind.

“What is this?” he had whispered at one point the night before, while you were still trembling in the wake of an orgasm, his arm across your waist, pulling you back against his chest. The two of you had been up nearly all night, you’d let him take you however he wanted, however you begged for him, a pathetic, whiny mess. You obeyed every order he’d given. And he had been so, so good to you.

Your stomach tightened at the thought of it, a dull throb returning between your thighs, as if you hadn’t had enough. It would probably be awhile before you did have enough. And that was the issue.

There wasn’t an answer to his question you felt you could give. It was Kendall, after all, and you liked Kendall. You could feel that this wasn’t a one time thing. But from a practical standpoint, maybe it should be. Or maybe not. Your mind kept batting the possibilities around. Even now, there was a deep impulse to sneak out of his arms, gather your things, and leave the apartment without saying a word.

“Hey,” a low voice interrupted your emotional turmoil, as your eyes locked onto the man who was causing said turmoil. So much for leaving without waking him, you thought, staring into his dark eyes.

“Hey,” you answered, as Kendall shifted his weight, sliding from underneath you. It allowed you to fall deeper into the down pillows, trapped beneath him as he hovered over you, arm around your waist.

“Have you been up for long? You should’ve woken me.”

“I didn’t want to,” you answered. “You needed sleep.”

“Uh-huh,” he murmured, leaning forward to nuzzle his face into your neck. “How sweet.”

You were trying to figure out a way to stay in this bed longer. Leaving meant facing consequences. But unfortunately, you had to pee.

“You sleep okay?” he asked.

You giggled, the vibration of his voice, low and gentle in your ear made you shiver. His lips found a place on your neck, pressing there lazily, absentmindedly. “Yeah, I did.”

Of course you did. It would’ve been nearly impossible not to sleep well after last night, made up of several rounds of intense, passionate sex. It was all fucking, napping, talking, and then fucking again, until you both eventually found your way to sleep.

“Are you hungry? Do you need to shower?”

You thought for a moment. If you said no, made some excuse and dipped out awkwardly, he’d definitely ping it as being weird. Then you’d actually have to talk to him about what you’d both done. Maybe if you pretended like everything was okay, you wouldn’t have to. Also, unrelated, but you knew his bathroom was probably much nicer than yours, and you kind of wanted to experience showering in a billionaire's shower. “A shower might be nice.”

“Go ahead,” he pulled himself away from you, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear tenderly. Why was he being so nice? It was like he could sense your apprehension.

The shower felt nice, an opportunity to wash away the filth of the night before. And while you kind of hoped that Kendall would join you, you were a little thankful that he didn’t, ultimately. It was good to have a little space, an opportunity to clear your mind. Even if that space left room for all the doubts that had been in the back of your mind while you let Kendall have his way with you.

Why did you do that? That was a terrible idea. Everything’s gonna change now. Was it worth it?

Sure yeah, it was. And you needed to stop acting like you hadn’t been in your right mind when you’d made the decision. You had been. You knew exactly what you were doing. You had wanted it.

There were ample towels to dry off with, you wrapped one around your head and one around your torso when you were finished, brushing your teeth with a spare toothbrush you found still in it’s packaging in one of his drawers. After that, you felt a little more human, looking in the mirror and noticing the lovemark Kendall had left on your neck. You knew it’d be a bitch to cover up. A few bruises on your hips left a roadmap of other places he’d touched you. Thinking about it again had your stomach flipping and you could feel yourself getting flushed.

But you couldn’t let your mind wander. You had to focus on your exit strategy.

Leaving the bathroom, you ducked to pick up the dress you’d worn the night before, that had been discarded on the floor, along with your bra and panties. You heard the sink running in the other bathroom - yeah, his fucking master bedroom had two bathrooms – and assumed Kendall was freshening up as well.

Now would’ve been a good time to sneak out. But the idea made less and less sense the more you thought about it. You knew deep down you would’ve never done it to begin with, because it was downright cruel. And you didn’t want to be cruel. You could have your dramatic mental breakdown about this later. You had to keep it together, for him.

“Here, let me help,” you were attempting to zip your dress back up as Kendall’s voice interrupted you, reentering the room. He had changed into a sweater and sweatpants.

Stepping behind you, he helped you zip the dress all the way up, squeezing your shoulder gently, and you turned around to face him. “Do you want breakfast or anything?” he asked.

You shook your head no. Really, you were overcome by the urge to ask him if he’d get back in bed with you just to cuddle. He looked so cozy in that fucking sweater. But that was no good, you figured. “No, I should probably get going, Ken.”

“Uh-huh, okay,” he pulled away from you slightly, looking a little wounded. Something you wouldn’t have noticed if you didn’t know him. “You okay?”

Fuck. You nodded, lying. “I’m fine, sorry. I just feel like I’m imposing.”

“Well, you aren’t,” he smiled lightly, reaching out to pull you closer to him, his hands steady on your hips, touch still igniting a flame within you. “But if you need to leave, let me at least walk you out. You want me to call a car?”

You shook your head no. “I don’t mind walking. But thank you.”

The walk would clear your head, or so you hoped. A smile teased at the corners of your mouth as you made your way down the hall together, pausing to put on your boots and grab your purse.

“So, is this it, then?” Kendall asked, stopping you as you were about to slip out the door, his hand clasped around your bicep, holding you back. You hadn’t hugged him, hadn’t kissed him since you’d gotten out of bed. His eyes were wide, earnestly searching yours. Oh my god, you really couldn’t refuse him. Not just from a physical standpoint but also just…because it was him. You couldn’t forget everything he’d been through. “Will I…can I see you again?”

You tilted your head. “Is that…what you want?”

Kendall nodded. “Uh-huh…I do, I- yeah. I do.”

“Okay then uh, maybe Friday?” It was only a couple days away. Hopefully by then you might have your thoughts sorted out.

“Of course, I’ll call you.”

You smiled, nodded, stepped towards the door but he stopped you again.

“Hold on, come here,” he said, pulling you close, into his arms. He kissed you again, reverently, hand cradling your face and slowly parting your lips with his tongue. Tears bit at the back of your eyes, overwhelmed by emotion - guilt, sadness, uncertainty, affection - spinning through you all at once. All that, and you still couldn’t help but smile against him, as he pulled away slightly, just to wrap you tightly back against him. Returning the hug, you let your fingers graze between his shoulder blades.

“Thank you,” he said into your ear. “For everything.”

“Of course, Ken,” you pressed your lips to his cheek, his eyes fluttered closed. “I’ll see you soon, okay? Take care of yourself.”

He nodded. “I will.”

--- --- --- --- ---

The phone rang several times before the person on the other end finally picked up.

“So let me guess, you’re finally jumping ship?”

You were sitting on your couch wearing sweats, curled up under a blanket, laptop open in front of you. On your TV were reruns of MasterChef, but muted, as you were more occupied with the person on the other line.

“Oh hey Stewy, glad to hear you’re doing well,” you answered, pushing back the cuticle on your ring finger with your thumbnail. “I’m doing great, thanks for asking.”

“Come on, you of all people should appreciate skipping out on general pleasantries,” he answered, clucking his tongue. He paused on the other line, lowering his voice before speaking again. “I know there’s only a handful of reasons you’re calling me.”

“Mhm,” you affirmed. “Care to guess which one?”

“Well, if you really wanted to make my day you can imagine what I’d like this phone call to be about…” he paused, and you rolled your eyes, even if he wasn’t there to see it. “But in light of current events I’d suspect the real reason isn’t fun.”

You chuckled lightly. Stewy was the biggest flirt you’d ever met in your career. It almost would’ve offended you, if he wasn’t equally as suggestive with every other person he met, Kendall included. In fact…maybe even more so with Kendall than anyone else. But that was an analysis for a later time. “Yeah, well I hate to burst your bubble, but it’s not fun.”

“That’s too bad. You know, I always figured you’d reach out. I’m just surprised it wasn’t sooner.”

Throwing the blanket off your lap, you stretched your hands over your head. “How do you mean?”

“Well, Kendall and I used to be friends…and uh, even considering that, I don’t think I’d last long working for him. You held out a lot longer than I expected. But then again, he did seem awfully….protective of you.”

“Kendall’s not the issue,” You said. Kendall was frequently, and currently, an issue, but…in a different way. “He is…was a good boss.”

“How’s he handling this news?”

“I don’t know,” you lied. “I mean, I’m sure he’s not thrilled but uh, hopefully he’ll figure things out.”

“Yeah, well, we’ll see about that. If you’re still on good terms with him, I’m surprised you’re calling me.”

You sighed. This man was kind of exhausting. Sometimes, you felt your brain wasn’t meant to work the same way the people in this world did. To you, there weren't a thousand thinly veiled messages being communicated in this call. Right now, you were just trying to find a job. “Well, you and I have always gotten along. And I trust you-”

“You shouldn’t-”

“Can you let me finish? Damn.” you snipped, sitting up straight and rolling your eyes. “I mean that in the simplest sense of the word.”

“Atta girl.”

It was easy to picture him now, leaning back in his chair with his feet on the desk, maybe strutting down some hallway with one of his hands in his pockets, the other holding his phone to his ear, always in a rush to get somewhere, each conversation he was running off to always more important than the last. Honestly, you were a little surprised he picked up at all.

“You’re a well connected guy, Stewy,” you said, standing up, beginning to pace around your small living area, stepping in between the cracks of your wooden floor absentmindedly. “And I’m looking for work. It kind of makes sense you might help me out. Keep an ear out, if you hear of anything.”

There was a long pause on the other end of the line. “I mean, I’ll see what I can do. I can give you the number of a good headhunter, for starters.”

“That’d be great.”

“Yeah, I’ll have my assistant send it over. You should send me your resume, too. And uh, don’t go hopping on to anything too quickly. Talk to me, first. And who knows? Ken might still need you.” He started to talk a little faster, which told you you maybe had 30 seconds before his attention was pulled elsewhere.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I don’t know. Logan can’t be the only one to make this decision, selling all of Waystar. There’s other people- hey, sorry, I gotta run to a meeting. But uh, yeah, let’s keep in touch.”

The line went dead before you could say goodbye and you sighed. All things considered, that went better than you were expecting. You just hoped it would pay off.

--- --- --- --- ---

The few days away from Kendall were exactly what you needed. It sounded counterintuitive, considering that he’d been on your mind most of the time. But you’d worked through the kinks.

You’d come to a conclusion, or really, a lack of a conclusion. Logistically, it was a bad idea to sleep with your former boss. Doing this was setting yourself to be hurt. There was no way it would ever work out. So you decided to keep doing it, anyways.

As someone who had spent all their life buttoned up, sacrificing their own happiness to do the right thing, the practical thing, the good thing, you were sick of it. It wasn’t fun. It wasn’t rewarding. It just made you more miserable. You wanted to do the bad thing. It felt good to do the bad thing. And if he needed someone, why couldn’t it be you?

One trembling hand reached out to open the front door of your apartment, finding Kendall on the other side. The last time he’d been here, you’d been unprepared. Hell, the last time you’d seen him, you’d been unprepared. This time, you’d cleaned your place, you’d made dinner, you’d showered, shaved, made sure your underwear was matching, spent the better part of your day just making sure you looked your best. At one point, while you were on your hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor, it dawned on you that Kendall had probably never had to do anything like this, and it sort of pissed you off a little, nearly making you reconsider inviting him over in the first place. But then you immediately changed your mind.

Now, you half wished you hadn’t invited him over here days ago, and that he would’ve just showed up without any plans in place. Because all of the preparation, all the anticipation, had given you too much time to think.

“Hey,” Kendall stepped over the threshold, into your space, looking around. He looked handsome, of course, wearing a fucking sport coat and brown pants. Underneath the blazer was a crisp white t-shirt, unbuttoned just enough so you could see just a peek of his chest hair. Coming into your place looking like a professor who you’d do anything for to pass his class. It kind of pissed you off.

“Hey,” You’d already started drinking before he arrived. Kind of because you didn’t want to be drinking in front of him, since it had seemed like he was trying to stop the last time you were together, but mostly because you were fucking nervous.

“I brought this,” he said, revealing a bottle of wine that had been tucked under his arm.

You let him place it in your hands, looking at the label. You knew very little about wine, but you knew that this particular winery didn’t sell bottles for anything less than $500. “Thank you, this is like….really fucking expensive.”

“Oh? I don’t fucking know. The guy at the place said it was good, so…it probably s.”

“Come on in,” you said. “I just made dinner, if you’re hungry.”

Kendall followed you in. “Maybe in a little bit. Unless you are…”

Shaking your head, you crossed your arms in front of your chest and leaned back against the counter to look at him. Your stomach was just doing constant summersaults, twisting into itself. You didn’t want to eat either. And you were sort of frustrated with yourself for being so on edge, considering that the last time you’d been together he’d been fucking you raw. It had been awhile since you intentionally spent time with someone you actually liked.

Kendall watched you set the bottle down on your countertop, hands trembling. You weren’t easy to read but he had picked up on things over the years, here and there. It was rare, really, for you to show any type of anxiety, uneasiness. In fact, out of most of his employees, he could always rely on you to be composed. Of course, he wasn’t going to call it out and make things worse. There was, in the back of his brain, the very real concern that he was here just so you could tell him you regretted everything. In fact, he sort of wanted you to say it, so then he wouldn’t spoil you any further. Everything he touched got fucked.

Even knowing that, he still reached out, tentative.

“You look beautiful,” Kendall stepped closer to you, one of his arms sliding around your waist. Something about his touch made much of the nervousness dissipate. He leaned into kiss you very slowly, eyes searching for your own, all warmth and sadness before they closed, his lips slotting with yours.

Immediately you wanted more. Wanted him to hoist you up onto the counter, push your dress up over your hips and let him have you however he liked, frantic, desperate. All he had to do was kiss you, it was pathetic. But Kendall hadn’t been into that when you were last together. And maybe you needed to exercise some self-control and let him take off his shoes first, at the very least.

But he seemed different this time, his hands wandering, one of them gripping your ass, the other holding you tightly to his chest. Humming against his mouth, you let him lift your leg to hook over your thigh. His hips pressed forward, pinning you in between him and the counter, gave him space to run his hands underneath the skirt of the dress you’d worn, casual but nice enough for a date.

Two fingers hooked in the waistband of your thong, dragging it down. “Wow, so eager,” you teased.

“I can’t stop thinking about you,” his voice was lower than usual, husky, filled with want. The warmth of his breath hit your neck, fanned out, his tongue grazed over the spot where he’d bitten you, now a fading bruise.

“Me too,” you whimpered when he sucked down on the still tender area, like he still knew it still hurt but wanted you to feel it anyway. You didn’t know how he was so good at guessing what would turn you on, but maybe it made sense, deep down. He’d known you for long enough. Maybe he paid closer attention than you thought.

You rutted your hips against his, desperate for some kind of friction, something to help quell the arousal burning between your legs. Kendall steadied you, holding you back, away from him, and you whined in protest, until he spoke. “I’m gonna take care of you,” he murmured. “Don’t worry.”

And then he dropped to his knees, one hand on each of your hips. Looking you at you, he pressed his chin to your stomach, pulling you flush with him. And he stayed like that for a moment, watching your chest rise and fall, feeling the goosebumps that rose on your skin.

When he finally tore his gaze away, you knew what he was going to do, but that still didn’t prepare you for it. One of his hands lazily dragged down to hook on the soft underside of your knee, lifting it over his shoulder.

Kendall’s head turned to press a kiss against the inside of your thigh. And you were trembling, not from nerves anymore, it was anticipation. He was moving so slowly, smirking at every noise you made, every hitch in your breath. You made fists in the shoulders of his dress shirt, longing for purchase, even though it gave you very little.

And he was nipping, sucking, trailing his mouth lazily, moving closer to where you wanted him. “These dresses you wear…” he chuckled. “You make it so easy for me, don’t you?”

You nodded. Maybe you hadn’t imagined this exactly, but it was part of the reason you’d worn one. “Ken,” you sighed, softly, one final sweet plea before his mouth latched onto your clit. You were so wet already, he sunk two fingers into you with nearly no resistance, all at the same time.

Crying out, you reached behind you to brace yourself against the counter, clinging to anything you could just to keep yourself from collapsing. You’d never met a man so eager to go down on you, so fucking desperate for it. Kendall was fucking moaning into your cunt, the vibration making you shake even harder, even in his steady hands.

He found a rhythm that had your toes curling, sobbing out his name, and he didn’t relent. Not even bothering to offer any dirty talk like before, his mouth was otherwise occupied, and he seemed focused, diligent. You were going to last an embarrassing amount of time, having spent the better part of the week daydreaming about him. Curling his fingers perfectly, over and over again.

You came within minutes, too easily, overexcited, or maybe because he knew how to play you like a fucking instrument. Legs buckling beneath you, you squeezed your eyes shut as he let you ride your orgasm out on his mouth and fingers. And then he was standing again, wrapping you up in your arms.

“Kendall, you really didn’t have to-”

He cut you off with a kiss, tasting yourself on his lips. “Shh,” he pulled away. “Enough of that.”

“Wanna go to my room?” you asked, giggling in between sloppy presses of his lips. He was really horrible, really, in the best possible way.

“Sure,” he said, tugging at the loose end of the scarf in your hair, the one he’d bought you as a gift years ago. You never thought he’d notice you wearing it in this context, trailing behind you to your bedroom where you praying he’d fuck you within an inch of your life.

He was palming at the zipper of your dress as you stumbled over the threshold, you turned around to claw at the buttons on his shirt, a bit more confident this time around, and better at unbuttoning them. Before you’d been thrown into this world, very few of your previous flings ever wore button downs, besides on special occasions. They were a little frustrating.

The problem with Ken going down on you was that it seemed to only make things worse, as in – that it only made you more needy for him.

After you’d haphazardly managed to get each other out of your clothes, your back hit the bed, he stepped between your legs and you reached for his cock, hard between you both. His head tilted backwards, eyes closing as you worked him with your hand. You really, really wanted to suck him off but you were also feeling a little bit selfish, so you resisted the urge. In his brief moment of surrender, you watched him carefully in the dim light of the room, his cheeks all pink and flushed, the way his throat worked as he swallowed hard between gasps.

“You’re great, you know that?” you asked him softly, and his chin tilted down, eyes snapping open to look at you. You thought it might’ve made him smile, briefly, something to break the tension. Because he was, and you’d always thought so, even despite seeing his worst parts. But instead, his brows drew together and he shook his head, cupping your jaw with one hand and answering you with a bruising kiss. His teeth trapped your lower lip and he bit down, pulling back until you mewled at him. All of that to avoid just saying that he didn’t believe you. Like if he vocalized it, only then would you realize it, too.

“I want you on top, understand?” he asked, and you nodded, moving to let him join you on the bed, straddling his hips. He sat up, hands squeezing your breasts, pinching your nipples, as you kissed him again, moaning into his mouth.

You lowered yourself onto him, slowly, as he was still above average and not entirely easy to take all at once. But he was patient with you this time, pressing his lips down the column of your throat, down your chest, latching on one of your nipples, groaning at the feeling of you around him.

When you were fully seated on him, tentatively swaying your hips, feeling him deep in the pit of your stomach, he wrapped his arms around your waist.

“You’re so good,” Kendall cooed. “So fucking good for me.”

“Just for you,” you answered, voice a hoarse whisper, gazing down at him through half-lidded eyes as your hips rocked forward.

It felt nice to be so close to him, you’d always wanted to feel this, never imagining how good it might really be, or that you’d be able to do it at all, so you savored every moment. You knew that was the point of all of this, perhaps, but it went deeper than fucking for you.

Kendall felt the same, even though your self-doubt wouldn’t always let you believe such a thing, you knew it to be true just from the look in his eyes, his fingers tangling in your hair while you moved languidly, lips locking. He met each rise and fall of your hips, you felt him deeper than you ever had.

When you came, shuddering and sighing, gripping him tightly, he let out a gasp that sounded pained, and in one swift moment was somehow able to flip you both over pressing down into the cradle of your pelvis. He was on top of you again, pinning your hands over both of your heads. “Ken-” you sighed, still throbbing around him, inhaling sharply as he drew back, fucking into you, determined. After one particularly deep thrust he came undone, filling you up, your name on his lips along with a few choice expletives.

You really were too good, too sweet, too loyal for him, but he couldn’t help himself. He wanted you anyways, he was greedy. He liked that you wanted him back, it almost had him believing maybe he did do something right, somewhere along the way, even if he had a long way to go.

In the afterglow, he held you, tucked under his arm, head resting on his chest, still trying to steady your breathing as his fingers trailed down your arm. Your eyelids were heavy, he was so warm. There was something about him that felt so….safe. And that was wrong, probably. But it wasn’t like you could tell yourself not to feel that way.

“So uh, before we got distracted I did have something exciting I was meaning to tell you,” Kendall’s voice, still husky from lingering arousal, cut through the silence.

“Hmmm?” you asked, looking up at him, mind still hazy and blissed out. “What’s that?”

“I’ve been talking to Roman and Shiv, bouncing around ideas, and uh, we realized there’s still a chance to save the company if we can convince the shareholders that dad’s not acting in their best interest.”

You stared at Kendall a minute, processing the information, what this meant. When it registered, you raised your eyebrows, blinking once and shaking your head. “Okay.”

“What?” Kendall asked. “What’s that face?”

“Nothing,” you lied. “I’m thinking.”

“What’s there to think about?”

So many things. You jerked your head forward, widening your eyes in shock to answer his question. Your lawyer brain started up. “You really want to do this?”

“Yeah, you know, fucking, we’ve gotta start reaching out, talking to people. But uh, if we can pull this off, we can get the company back,” he explained. “And then, get everything back on track.”

“Ken,” you sighed. “I thought you didn’t want to be CEO anymore. I thought you wanted to cash out.”

“Uh-huh, well, if this doesn’t work out then maybe, I just-” he began, and you rolled off of him, onto your back, covering your face with your hands. He stopped talking, and you felt him shift to face you, one of his hands carding through your hair. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I’m trying not to argue with you right now….because you just made me feel really good,” you shook your head. Dread was pooling in the pit of your stomach. This. This was why all of this was a bad idea. “I should’ve fucking known. Fucking Stewy tried to warn me,” you muttered.

“Stewy, what do you mean?” Kendall asked. “Have you been talking to him?”

You shook your head again, rolling your eyes before turning to Kendall. “Yeah, I called him Tuesday about helping me find a job.”

“Alright, what the fuck? What’d you do that for?” he said, irritable. “I told you I’d take care of you. Also like, I’m gonna fucking need you when I do this.”

“Oh, you’re going to need me?” you asked, raising an eyebrow. “Great. I’m so glad I get a choice in the matter.”

“So what, you don’t want this?”

“No, I don’t. I think it’s a poor idea.”

“Nice, cool. Fuckin’ uh, glad to see you’re supportive-” Kendall moved, sitting upwards, making to leave the bed but you grabbed his wrist first. He’d taken you so off guard with this, but now your brain was working a little better.

“Hey, Ken, stay here a second,” you softened your tone slightly, realizing you were coming in awfully strong, forgetting everything that had been going on for him the past few months. Also you weren’t interested in chasing him down through your apartment so scantily clad. He did, looking over at you with a surprisingly bitchy look on his face, one you’d seen probably a thousand times before. “Just let me finish.”

He stared at you, expectant.

You took a deep breath. “First of all, you need to do some soul searching as to why you think any critique of an idea you have is a declaration of hate because that’s not what this is. It’s not…it’s not that it’s a bad idea, okay?” you rescinded your words from earlier, even though you still very much thought it was a bad idea.

“I just don’t want to see you get hurt again,” you continued, pausing to gather the rest of your thoughts. “It’s….it’s been really hard for me to watch over the past few years because I care about you.”

Kendall sighed, expression softening as he lowered himself back down slightly. You continued. “I think you’re so smart and capable, and maybe all that energy could go into something else.”

“Uh-huh,” he turned back to you. “But this means a lot to me.”

“I know it does, I get it,” you sympathized. “But I want you to be happy. And I don’t know if putting yourself through this again is going to help.”

Kendall’s mind was already made up, you already knew. You weren’t going to be able to change it. “I’ve still got to try. Not just for me, but for Shiv and Roman. I can’t leave them hanging.”

“I understand,” you nodded. And you did. He’d caught you so off guard, you weren’t prepared for a conversation like this. Didn’t have the tools to fight him on it without it blowing up. So you backed down.

“And, I do need you,” he said, after a long pause. “I was gonna fly to LA on Monday.” I was hoping you could come along. You’re so good with this stuff.”

You should say no. But you knew you couldn’t. Why couldn’t you?

“After, we can spend a couple days in Acapulco,” was leaning towards you now. “Just the two of us in a private cabana, a hot tub overlooking the ocean, a bed big enough we wouldn’t have to leave it…”

He pulled you closer to him, hand on your waist, slowly trailing down to grip at your ass, squeezing roughly. Your eyes closed and you sighed, too pliant under his influence. But you knew if you were going to do this, you had to draw a line. I mean hell, it had been important to you, when deciding if you wanted to follow through with whatever the fuck this was between you both – that he was your former boss. Not your current one. And if you were back under his wing, well, that changed everything.

“Kendall that sounds lovely,” you said. Because it did. “But uh, if we’re going to be working together maybe this-” you gestured between the two of you. “Isn’t a good idea.”

“Why not?”

You scoffed. “Uh….so many reasons? Morally, ethically, spiritually. Obviously, it’s an HR nightmare, and a huge potential scandal. And just…you know…boundaries. Like, we’re talking about work right now and I’m in bed with you. That’s not fun. I don’t want to do that.”

Kendall pursed his lips together, confidence in his eyes that rarely surfaced, and you liked, but in this situation found annoying. “Uh-huh well, I think you should reconsider.”

“Okay,” And if he was getting to play this game, then so were you. Because if you took it in any other direction you’d end up arguing. You paused for a minute, furrowing your brows and looking around the room, pretending to be deep in thought, before focusing back on him and nodding. “Yeah, I just did, and I still think it’s a bad idea.”

“Well, I shouldn’t be here, then.” Kendall sighed, removing his hands from you, which was unfortunate, and you realized, you did not want. At least not now. You didn’t want him to leave you like this. In a salty kind of way.

“Wait Kendall-” you hooked your leg over his hip, dragging him back towards you.“This doesn’t change that I like you. You can’t leave yet. I just need some time to think it over. We should enjoy tonight, at the very least.”

He glanced back at you, unamused. “Plus, you haven’t even had dinner yet, and, not to brag or anything, but I am a culinary school dropout.”

“Oh wow, you’re so impressive,” he said sarcastically, and then added after a moment, fondly. “I didn’t know that about you.”

“It was a long time ago,” you explained, climbing on top of him, knees on either side of his waist, you pressed your palms against his chest. He tried to look irritated, but the facade slipped when you tilted your head, running your finger down the bridge of his nose, over his lips, before giving him a cheeky grin. He wasn’t going to change the subject, distract you from getting what you wanted. “Please?”

He looked at you, the affection in his eyes betraying him before he could even give his answer. “Okay.”

Part IV

[nextdoorharry]

imaaaaagine a world like that..can you?

-

in which you and harry are exes, but still remain good friends when you’re always there for each other. both of you can’t help but reminisce…in your head.

a/n: super sorry i haven’t written in FOREVER!! been crazy busy with school (still am) and i will get back to the writing grind when i’m not as busy, with that being said this is just a quick thing i was thinking of. also, no hate to olivia and harry’s relationship at all. pr or not, both deserve respect and anything written in this piece is solely for writing purposes only. no hate will be tolerated toward an individual. we’re all human.

-

it happened when you were on your way home from dinner with your friends. a call from harry. this wasn’t out of the ordinary for harry to call you, being exes and all. you both apologized after the breakup and agreed that you both couldn’t let 5 years of love, being close with each other’s families, and a pet cat all go to waste. you agreed upon being friends with him. still hang out here and there after the breakup, acting all platonic. you can’t help but have a glimmer of hope its a call wanting to start a relationship again.

“hello?” you said, one hand on the wheel, other holding your phone.

“hi love, sorry s’a bit late, was wondering if i can come over. it’s about olivia.” harry says. still sending you butterflies when he said the simple yet warming term of endearment. but once he said olivia, your heart dropped.

she’s beautiful, confident, and makes your harry happy from what the tabloids portray. the last time you and harry spoke was before he went off to LA, filming for don’t worry darling, a movie his new lover produced. still a few texts since then like “happy birthday!” “congrats on the grammy,” or “how’s the cat?” you two always saved catching up for in person. it was just your thing you kept during the 5 year relationship and after. it keeps things more meaningful at the time, rather than texting or quick phone calls.

“ah, olivia. isn’t she my replacement?” you teased while laughing. you hear a burst of giggles from the other end of the line. god you missed hearing that everyday.

harry on the other end of the line, heart aches a bit hearing you say that. no one could ever replace you. ever. you are so special to him. if only it wasn’t for his team making it difficult for him to ease down on touring for a bit for you. you asked for one thing from harry, which was to start settling down. you both were only getting older and the talks of marriage and kids were frequently becoming the topic of discussion with family. a year and some after the breakup, which happened to be during quarantine, where he had so much time on his hands without you, he reflected on what could’ve been and how stupid he was for letting you go. you were always so patient with him. going to his shows, god awful dinner parties with industry people, changing your work schedule just to fit into his. you asked for one thing. and instead of fighting for you with his team, he instead sided with them, and let you go.

teasing not dying down, harry goes, “someone keeps up with me in the tabloids, eh?”

it’s the fact that he’s not wrong. you remember that tabloid very well. when the first pictures of harry and olivia came out in an article titled, “harry styles and olivia wilde new romance? is y/n replaced?”

your heart was hurting.

“of course i am. keep having to make sure my name is finally out their mouths.” you joke. “i’ll be home in about 15 minutes if that’s okay?”

-

you pull into the driveway already seeing harry sitting on your porch chair. he waves at you and you get out of the car, walking up to him. he stands up and greets you with a bear hug.

“missed you, y’look nice. where’d ya head out to?” he asked, hoping and praying you weren’t out on a date looking like that. he knows you only wear a red lip when its date night. his mind filled with jealousy at the thought of you with someone else. whereas he has no right being there are pictures of him kissing, cuddling, and whispering to olivia on a yacht in italy. all for the cameras. his stomach turns. that was supposed to be you and him. on a yacht on italy. except leaving the display of affection for the bedroom.

“on a date” you say blatantly.

his heart drops. and lets you go from the hug. lying through his teeth he says, “ah really? happy for ya, you have to tell me about it, hope it was with a good bloke.” he says lightly.

“i’m kiddingg, was out for dinner with friends. mel got engaged by the way! was celebratory dinner for her.” you say, unlocking the door, letting harry in.

harry sighs in relief. “that’s good! m’happy for her, pass on my congratulations.” harry follows you into your kitchen, sitting down on the counter stool, watching you making his favorite “calm down” drink, loving that you remembered how he likes it. he didn’t even have to ask you to make it. you just know its what he needs right now. he can’t help but ponder that it should have been you. it should be your friends out for your celebratory dinner for your engagement with him.

you pass him his tea, knowing he’ll only take a few sips of it yet keep it in his hold for warmth. you were on the other side of the counter across from him, making a mini cheeseboard you two can snack on while talking.

“so..what happened?” you ask, heart not ready if you can handle what he’s about to say about his new lover.

“s’just so complicated. originally it was supposed to be a pr stunt for the movie. but now i don’t know how the pr team messed up so badly but they did. no one is really believing it. everything was executed poorly. it sucks because it’s her team conducting everything which means i barely have a say in it. i look like the bad guy being portrayed as a home wrecker, and she’s not doing anything about it! s’like she’s enjoying it. the kissing, the night outs, etc. she knows that if my team did have a say, it would have been over a while ago.” he breathes out. he’s been wanting to rant to someone for so long about this. he also just wants you to know that he’s not into her. it’s all for show. he’s still all about you. he wants to make that crystal clear.

you nod your head listening to everything he’s saying. body feeling uneasy filled with jealousy when harry says she’s enjoying the intimacy they have to do for show.

“well, did you talk to her about it? or talk to jeff at least? there has to be something he can do..?” you ask.

harry sighs, “i’ve tried so hard. jeff said nothing they can do about it. and he’s telling me not to mess with olivia because her team can do more damage than good with my name. not that s’already ruined.” harry rubs his face with his hands, feeling stressed.

the way he’s acting is familiar to you. early on in your relationship, when you two were a freshly new couple, you guys wanted to be completely private. during that time, with harry and the band’s album coming out, his management made him do pr stunts like these. he was as stressed as he is now. you were so new to dating something in an industry. he didn’t want to scare you away. but you understood. you get it. and you still get it as he’s speaking.

“hmm..if i can recall, back when you had to do a stunt with kendall on the yacht, m’pretty sure it was the same situation. with kendall’s team being difficult, your’s not having much of a say. do what i told you back then, stand your ground, harry. tell olivia like you did with kendall. also kendall’s team at the time played dirty, yet they still were understanding with you and got someone new for a stunt. olivia’s team will probably get someone new as well. and how badly can they ruin your rep? everyone knows you’re the nicest person who wouldn’t kill a fly. and tabloids are tabloids. would you rather have a few bad headlines about you or would you rather deal with a stunt for what? another year now? that you feel uncomfortable with?” you state. smiling a bit because you know harry knows your right, he’s smiling a bit too. he knows you love being right and debating, pulling out facts. that’s what you always did during an argument. which is why you were always right.

man. why couldn’t he stand his ground with his team. why didn’t he take your advice back then? he should’ve sided with you. not his team. why is he always so scared of them?

self-loathing, harry breathes out a laugh, “always have to be right don’t ya? you know what to say every damn time,”

“what can i say? the lady is always right.” you say, smiling proudly while cleaning up the remains of the cheeseboard you and harry snacked on.

“thanks y/n, really, i know i can always come to you with this stuff,” harry states. looking at you with his piercing eyes, meaning every word he said.

you smiled and nodded, cleaning the kitchen a bit. it started to pour early on when you guys were having a chat about his situation, hoping silently it would come down faster so harry has an excuse to stay, you offer nonetheless. “why don’t you stay back for a bit, hm? s’pouring out there, only gonna get worse. we can watch something?”

“love island?” harry suggests.

“thought you’d never ask.”

-

few gasps and scoffs at some of the islanders and their drama later, you slowly were drifted off to sleep. harry, sitting on the other sofa from you, peaks to see if you’re still watching. his face was in awe. he misses this. domestic nights with you, chatting away eating in the kitchen, then watching something afterwards. only difference is that you two are on different sofas. whereas before you’d be coddled under his embrace. he slowly drifts off to sleep as well. rain still going on, technically he can still go home. driving in the rain was never an issue for him. but he’ll always use an excuse just to be with you.

-

iMessage: Olivia Wilde

1:34 AM - I miss you, and our casual hookups. Can’t stop thinking about it.

that was one part harry left out of the story. he hooked up with her.

-

ahhhhh!!!! lmk if you guys want a part 2!!!

[pynkhues]

Any thoughts on Roman saying he can’t piss near other men for unspecified reasons? Cuz I can’t get it out of my head. Like it’s not really a sex thing but it goes in the direction of his sex things

Y'know, there's actually a term for that! Bladder shyness is a very real thing, and it's a form of social phobia / anxiety (in fact, it's considered the second biggest social phobia after public speaking, which is pretty interesting to me given Roman doesn't seem to have the latter).

I'm not sure if it ties into his issues with sex, but I do think it's likely something that's been caused due to Logan's abuse and the feelings of inferiority and competition with men that Logan's really groomed into Roman.

Men's bathrooms have played an important role in the show really since 1.01 where Kendall had (and cleaned up after) his meltdown, something that's only increased over the course of the series. It's a place for dealmaking (Stewy and Kendall in 1.03, Roman and Eduard in 2.06, Roman and Mencken in 3.06 and, of course, Roman and Mattson in 3.07), it's a place of vulnerability (most notably for Kendall in 1.01 and in 2.02 after agreeing to gut Vaulter, but also Roman in 1.05 when he's uncomfortable with Grace being in there with him, and Logan in 1.07 after the bag of piss is thrown at him), and surprising intimacy too (Logan and Tom in 3.05, and Roman jerking off while Gerri's on the other side in 2.08).

It makes bathrooms a central space for the show, but it also clearly defines it as a space for men. I think the only time we've seen a woman in a bathroom is when Shiv's in the cafe bathroom in 2.06, being shut out of the planning around the cruises article (and her being shut out is, in fact, the point. She might be in the bathroom for once, but nobody else is). It's a place where men can both perform and shed performance, connect and disconnect, and it not only functions as a neat and heavily gendered symbol of how women are blocked from this space, but I think also compounds things like Roman's inferiority complex and his issues with other men.

In a lot of ways, the bathrooms are used as a stage for masculinity, particularly when it comes to Roman, and while he's increasingly good at performing on that stage, it doesn't quite swallow up the way he's been raised as the third son and the fuck-up.

I think the bladder shyness is about underlining that point, and showing that for all Roman's bravado in this new part of his life, those same insecurities and anxieties are still there, just beneath the surface.