#while homeless like i cannot describe how much it wasn’t our intention to do so

[rpfisfine]

whatever I don’t care abt my stupid grandma anymore we have kittens

[bibleteachingbyolga]

What Christian father lacks the deep desire to see his sons become men who are wise, godly, strong, selfless, mature, and responsible?

I have prayed that my son would become a man consumed by a passion for the supremacy of Christ so that he pours himself out in sacrificial love for others. Ultimately the Lord does this, not us. “Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain” (Psalm 127:1). “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth” (1 Corinthians 3:6). God builds. Fathers labor, plant, and water, but God alone gives growth. Even still, God calls Spirit-filled fathers to faithfully bring up their children in the training and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). Loving fathers want to do everything in their power to help their sons become mature men.

But our world is confused on adulthood generally, and manhood in particular. The fog of confusion inevitably seeps into churches. The fog clouds our parenting. I tremble at the possibility of failing to give my son the opportunity to realize his potential as a mature and godly man. But the Lord is our Shepherd. By grace, I’m witnessing him build my boy into a man, in part through an approach I have learned from the Scriptures, the church, and other Bible teachers.

Acknowledging that my son (now 15) and I are still very much in the process of launching him well into manhood, and that we cannot be sure now whether his current trajectories will hold over decades, and that the specifics will undoubtedly be different for different families, here are a few principles guiding me in raising a man, under the three broad steps: aim, ready, fire.

Aim: Clarify the Goal

First, we take aim. We clarify the goal. What are we praying and working toward for our boys? For us, that has been mature Christian manhood. Even if God doesn’t save our son under our roof, we can pray that our efforts set him up for responsible manhood in common grace, with seeds planted to bear fruit if the Lord eventually converts him (Matthew 11:25–27).

Define what manhood is and when manhood happens. We have tried to clarify what manhood is so that our son can aim at it. What is manhood? In a two-part series, Albert Mohler gives a clue reflecting on the question, “When does a boy become a man?” Mohler answers that a boy becomes a man when he reaches a level of maturity spiritually, personally, economically, physically, sexually, morally, ethically, relationally, socially, verbally, and in worldview, character, and biblical knowledge.

Much of what Mohler points to, however, is adulthood in general rather than manhood in particular. So, taking Mohler’s reflections with John Piper’s definition of manhood (What’s the Difference? 23–47), we might summarize when a boy becomes a man this way:

A boy becomes a man when he becomes mature enough to embrace and enjoy the sense of responsibility to lead, provide for, and protect women and children in ways appropriate to a man’s differing relationships in order to fulfill humanity’s God-given commission.

As an (important) aside, the definition of womanhood completes this concept of manhood. To build again on Piper’s definition, I would describe mature womanhood this way:

The essence of mature femininity is the freeing disposition to support and strengthen worthy leadership from men (and reject or redirect unworthy leadership) in ways appropriate to a woman’s differing relationships in order to fulfill humanity’s God-given commission.

The definition of manhood above has been my goal as a dad: help my son reach a level of maturity to embrace and enjoy this sense of masculine responsibility. How do I help him get there? Through preparation and commencement.

Ready: Prepare for Parting

To help prepare our boys for manhood, we can communicate the calling, instruct him for it, and lean on the help of others.

First, communicate the goal and a time frame. Communicating the goal has first meant making sure our son understands the definition of mature masculinity. In other words, have we clarified a goal for him?

As time progresses, we have reminded our son that God is growing him up to be a man and that he should aim to be a man when he comes of age. The Bible doesn’t provide a set age for this, and American culture is unclear on when a boy becomes a man. Is it at 21, when he can drink alcohol? At 18, when he can vote? At 16, when he can drive? Earlier does allow for some overlap in the home, in which we have affirmed his manhood but still have immediate influence on his development and decision-making.

Once my wife and I decided on a target age (for us, 13), we reminded him regularly, and especially each birthday, that he only had so much time before he would become a man (and that he had a lot of work to do to get there). If we determined that he wasn’t prepared at 13, we would have slowed the process and delayed entrusting him with more freedom and responsibility. Age 13 may or may not be a wise target for your son. It does seem wise, however, to have some intentional and communicated time frame. Targeting a specific age gives both you and your son a sense of clarity and urgency for cultivating the right maturities.

Teach and train him in knowledge and practice. Having established a target time frame, we instructed and trained our son for this calling. Leaning heavily on counsel from Vern Poythress, we pursued and encouraged specific growth and development in a handful of key areas. For example, we sought to train our son in knowledge of the Bible and the gospel, memorization of Bible verses (Psalm 119:11), and a grasp of our church catechism for basic theology.

We also repeatedly encouraged him to seek God through the disciplines of Bible reading, sermon listening, and repentance and gospel restoration. We exposed and called him to serve others by serving some of our homeless neighbors, helping other kids in the church, and leading in prayers in the home and in smaller group gatherings. We called him to develop physically with running, push-ups, and chin-ups. We studied financial stewardship. We reflected on basic objections to Christianity. We also taught him the goodness of God’s design in human sexuality.

Lean on the community. Another essential piece has been the local church. Our sons need the social skills of interacting with others from all walks of life, so we must lean on our churches to help in raising them.

Furthermore, our sons will learn how to lean on the community as they see their fathers getting help. Our church encourages and prays for adult members to build meaningful friendships with the children of the church for present and future discipleship. There is a wealth of wisdom and grace poured into the lives of our church families. To benefit from the church family, my son came up with several questions to interview some men he admired. He asked them questions like, When did you become a Christian? When did you feel like a man? What prepared you to lead a family? What helped you grow spiritually?

As sons hear the call, receive training in the knowledge and practice of maturity, and spend meaningful time with other men in the church, they will continue (by the grace of God) to mature in masculinity. Once ready for manhood, we now have an opportunity to clearly communicate their arrival.

Fire! His Turn to Step Up

To launch a son into manhood with clarity, we can now affirm his manhood, cut the cord of childhood, and partner with him in ministry.

Verify and affirm his manhood. For a father to clearly affirm his son’s manhood, we must first discern it. In a sense, the testing is going on for a year or so (or even longer) before the formal declaration of manhood.

I watched my son read his Bible and interact with family and friends. We conversed about many topics. I asked him questions about the Bible, basic theology, and personal purity. I observed his disciplines. We tested him physically in running and basic upper-body strength. I asked the other men who met with him how their conversations went and what they observed of my son. Once satisfied, we scheduled a time to declare and celebrate his manhood (again, inspired by Poythress) with our family, the men who invested in him, church family, friends, and neighbors.

Cut the cord of childhood. Once we declared our son to be a man, it has been up to us to live consistent with that reality and calling. Though he is a man, he has still been dependent on us. While he lives in our house, we have let him make as many decisions as possible. We switched our approach definitively from parental control to parental influence and guidance.

Partner in life and ministry. At this point of responsibility, we gave our son the opportunity to publicly profess faith in Christ and join the church. As he joined the church, we reminded him of his responsibilities as a member and of his accountability to church discipline (Matthew 18:15–17). We have encouraged our son to continue to engage the men and members of the church as he did in childhood. The difference now is that he does so as a man in discipling, accountability, and service. Like other members in the church, we share life and Jesus with one another and partner together to love our neighbors.

Sons of Clarity and Confidence

Even though the specific applications will look different for other families, I advise fellow parents to consider intentionally cultivating mature manhood in their boys through a clear aim, persevering and patient preparation, and a definitive declaration and commencement.

If we continue without clear direction, our boys may grow up confused and unprepared for manhood, leaving us disappointed with missed opportunities and untapped potential. But if we move forward deliberately, then our boys can grow up with clarity and confidence. If the Lord graciously saves them, then they will be set up for a life of joy serving our King and his kingdom.

[loudspirits]

i know ~ park jinwoo

Summary: No contact years after of failing your dreams, until back in Seoul, a dream reappears. Genre: Some luff, a bit of angst Word Count: 2,179 Fanfic Number: 005 Author’s Note: Kinda proud of myself for this one. Let me know if you have any requests or just want to say something ‘cause I like making new friends ayyye

“Can I get a mocha frappucino, please, with an extra shot of espresso?”

I knew this single cup of coffee would definitely make me stay up till at least two in morning, but another minute working would most likely send me into a slumber deeper than Snow White’s. Hopefully this new café would be worth losing work time. I didn’t really like change, but who would when you had just moved back to Seoul after six years of failing your career America?

“What size would you like that?” The waitress lowered her black visor, punching in my order.

“Small will be fine, thank you.” I kept in mind that I should value my sleep, even if I still had a few more hours of work to do.

She brought her eyes up to mine. “And what is your name?”

“Y/N.”

“That will be ₩17,000.”

My jaw dropped at the number. “You do know I ordered a small, right?”

“Yes, that would make your mocha frappucino with an extra shot of espresso be a total of ₩17,000.” Her fake smile only shone brighter.

“Why would a small coffee be ₩17,000? Is it poured from the gods? Planted on ancient religious soil? Filtered through specks of gold?”

“Nope, but we can assure you that we bring the highest quality ingredients into every cup we brew.” Her eyes remained bland while attempting to bring excitement in her smile.

I looked down at the money in my hands. I did not expect a small coffee to be so expensive as I had only brought ₩10,000. My after-dinner cravings would have to be brought to my usual cheap gas station standards again.

“Maybe I can help with that.” I jumped at the husky voice behind me.

I impulsively rolled my eyes knowing his intentions right away. I’d dealt with these boys too often in America, and I was not about to let the boys of Seoul think they could take advantage of me either.

I swung around to face the source of the voice. “Look, I can take care of myse-”

We met eyes, and immediately I remembered them. No matter how tall he grew, or how deep his voice sunk, they had to be his.

My voice appeared as a whisper. “Jinwoo.”

He handed his money to the waitress, showing off his memorable picture perfect smile. I took the moment to take in his presence. His body definitely wasn’t this buff the last time we met. The veins in his arms were practically bulging as he reached around me to drop the change into the tip jar. His face was carved to be symmetrical and flawless. It seemed as though he used a knife to chisel his jawline at the perfect angle. Looking into his eyes, though, they were still as warm and inviting as always. As if they would always await for any comment, concern, or secret to be told and kept safe inside him.

Jinwoo chuckled. “Hello to you too, Y/N.”

My trance evaporated.

“Sorry, it’s just… you look great.” A sigh blew through my words.

“Well, you know how puberty goes.” He replied.

I laughed. “As you can see, I do not have the same familiarity with puberty. Or at least my body doesn’t. It certainly didn’t create as great of a transformation as for you.”

A genuine smile curled into his lips. “I think if you were standing from my point of view, you definitely would not be saying that.”

Redness burned into my cheeks.

“Y/N?” The waitress saved me from my embarrassment.

I snatched my coffee from her, immediately taking a sip in an attempt to hide my blush. Unfortunately, I had immediately taken a sip from the god-like steaming hot cup of coffee. The lava scorched my tongue, rushing down my throat, blistering my stomach. My face shrunk and released a small shriek in pain.

I tried to play it off as no big deal. “Would you like to uh… hang out tonight? To catch up on what we missed.”

“Yeah I think I can be free… are you alright, though?” He asked.

My voice raised in pitch, obviously lying. “Totally, completely fine. Nothing wrong at all. Let’s go out, shall we?”

I held his arm and led both of us out of the cafe, noting that his arm was so muscular, my fingers wrapped around a rock.

///

Jinwoo broke the awkward silence between us. “So… how have you been?”

I focused my attention on the view before us. We basically hung off of a cliff next to a highway. After we left the coffee shop, his fans spotted us. They continued to chase after us until we hid next to a garbage dump for probably an hour. We decided it would be best to buy as many snacks we could from the nearest gas station, and find the most secluded area.

“Well, after we stopped all forms of communication I got in a car crash, sent to the hospital, my record company found the next Justin Beiber during my stay, and decided to drop me. I then played on the streets of L.A., and barely got by without becoming completely homeless. How have you been?” I finished with a perky fake smile.

Jinwoo’s eyes grew. “Um, I’d rather not say.”

“It’s alright, I already know how great your life has been. Congratulations, by the way. I know how much you wanted to achieve that dream. It was the only thing that came between us when we really wanted to be together.” The smile formed into honesty, but I still stared at the sun turning the day into dawn.

“Hey,” Jinwoo nudged me with his elbow. “I know how much you wanted to make it come true, and I’m sorry it took a turn for the worst. Really, I wish I had known about it. I would have flown over as soon as I could to help.”

“You know I would have been pissed if you did that. I couldn’t be the one to take away the hard work you put into your career so quickly like that.” I munched on our snacks.

“It wouldn’t have made a difference. The thought of you, pushed away from your dreams, living off the streets. It would have echoed in my mind every day. I wouldn’t have been able to get anything done.” He became increasingly tense with every word that spit out of his mouth. “How you suffered over something as stupid as the decision your label made, and I was too far away to do anything about it. Knowing you felt unhappy, that’s what would have driven me off the edge.”

I tore my eyes away from the sunset to look at him. Jinwoo’s fists clenched the cement edge of the cliff, turning white in the knuckles. The jawline protruded, showing how he grinded his teeth. From his chest, I could tell his breaths kept unrelaxed as they rose and fell so suddenly. They kept a slightly quickened pace from mine, and I wanted to help them relax. Without thought, I felt my fingers graze above his heart and linger.

My gaze rose to meet his. “Thank you.”

His voice hushed. “For what? I didn’t do any of it. I didn’t keep up any conversations with you, I didn’t ask how your career was going, I didn’t visit you like I promised, I didn’t keep track of where you stayed. I didn’t do anything.”

“I know you didn’t do any of those things, but you’re the only person who cared enough to wish you did.” I took my hand away from his chest, realizing it stayed for too long.

The sun begged to give its warmth across the view I gazed through. Its colors cleansed my mind. However, it became clustered again whenever I reminded myself of who stared at me

I felt his eyes leave with a smirk. “Wasn’t our young love fun?”

A chuckle released as my feelings matched the sunset. “We were never in love.”

Jinwoo’s smirk changed, staring into the pink. “I know I was.”

I smiled at him. Even the simple thought became too funny to be real. We were too young, it was simple as that. Teenagers don’t know what they’re feeling and make too many assumptions, too quickly. They think they know everything about anything once they have the tiniest experience relating to the subject. Still, it made me feel uneasy if Jinwoo’s grin actually represented happiness.

“Why would you think that?” My voice revealed the confusion he gave me.

That smirk covered itself with the bite of a lip. “You know, after all these years, I have not found a single girl that could put a witch’s cackle to shame like you.”

I gasped at his insult. “Park Jinwoo, I cannot believe you!” I took a slug at his arm.

“Hey, alright, alright, calm down. No need to hit me with your broomstick.”

Another punch. “Jinwoo! You know I’m insecure about my laugh.”

He wrapped me up with one arm. “I’m sorry, but you just make it so easy to make fun of.”

I turned into his scent, letting it wash over me. It gave me something I couldn’t find anywhere else. He made me content.

I let my arms drape around his body. “Were we in love?”

His chest rose. “If I’m being honest, I think I would still be in love with you if we had stayed together.”

I cocked my head up at him. “Why?”

He gave a casual shrug. “Nobody has made me feel the way I felt with you.”

Something about that didn’t feel right with me. All I wanted at that moment was to enjoy our time together, enjoy the feelings I had around him, enjoy the fact that I felt like this was where I needed to be right now. The more we talked about the past, and what could have been, the more walls of discouragement appeared in my mind. Everything he described, I felt the same way. But that was the past.

“What is love?’ I asked.

I felt his forehead lean down to rest on mine. “I guess I believe in it being content, happiness, excitement. Those are the only words I can think of to fit its definition, but words are never powerful enough.”

“How are we supposed to know what love is if we can’t even find the words to describe it?”

“Why do you want to know so badly? Isn’t that the thing with love? You don’t know it until you feel it, and sometimes even then you don’t know what it is.”

“Are you in love right now?”

“I guess I won’t know until I find out.”

My eyes couldn’t help but become curious of his own as they reach up to find his eyes already looking into mine. They never left each other, his pair reminding me of how they would envelope me into him without the need of his body. However, Jinwoo’s arms still held at the small of my back. They wouldn’t let me turn away from him even if I tried,  though I couldn’t think of any reason to. I became surprised by the lack of discomfort for the short distance between the two of us. If anything, I felt more secure of every inch that disappeared between our bodies.

“How do you feel right now?”

“This might be one of those moments that words are never powerful enough to describe.” He held our eye contact without any hesitation.

Another inch disappeared. The wind picked up a bit enough to softly blow a few strands of hair in front of my face. He tucked them away behind my ear. Another inch disappeared. His eyes studied every aspect of my face in the moment, darting in different directions. I couldn’t help but become mesmerized by the passionate interest they had in me. The last inch disappeared. The softness of his lips moved together with mine, bringing me to focus on the sparks lighting off in my stomach. They created a smile into the kiss, and formed an addiction to the connection. My hands grazed across his jaw, folding together behind his neck to embrace him further.

He pulled back, revealing he was also smiling. “I wasn’t sure if you’d let me do that.”

A blush rose on my cheeks that pushed my eyes to the ground. “I wasn’t sure either.”

Jinwoo tilted his neck to the side, leaning down to maintain eye contact with me. “Do you want to do this?”

No hesitations held me back. “Yes.”

That smile crept onto his face again, shining bright enough to enlighten my smile too. I threw my hands around his neck to repeatedly peck at his lips.

I paused. “Are we really doing this? With your fame and fans and everything?”

“I’ve waited too long for you to come back. No matter what’s in my life right now, having you by my side will make it all better.”