#while epic its still I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT SPIRIT

[llitchilitchi]

Bit of a nitpick and not really a trope but I'm rather defensive about how people write c!dream's dialogue, idk where anyone gets the idea that the man is anywhere near eloquent or stereotypically cartoon villainous in his speech patterns 24/7. That man stutters and jumbles over his own talking constantly. This is not to say c!dream never had Big Villainous Talking moments like his white flags bit, spirit monologue, staged finale, snake monologue (based and sexy), or post prison break c!tommy chase, but I would actually chalk up Dre's main form of delivery as mostly casual and weirdly normal sounding.

big shoutout to any author who can channel the 'do you suck or blow' energy of c!Dream

[cacturne]

heres my epic bg3 class (+some subclass) opinions based on what ive played of them and how fun i think they are. Will give them a numeric score because its fun to do that. Keep in mind i only play on explorer and thus cant do multiclassing + im shit at strategy

Barbarian

ive played barbarian “two” times to game completion (on karlach and tav, same run but well it is two of them!) overall i think the class is super fun, no nonsense, just hit the funny yell button and beat a guys brain in. Solid 8/10 2 points deducted because its so mindless it doesnt give you much satisfaction in lategame. Not bad though. Overall i think the subclasses are more secondary to the class itself but they still stand out a bit

Wildheart: cool! I dont really do much with it but i like animal 👍 usually i go bear heart on karlach with aspect of the bear and aspect of the elk because i dont do much other than run up and hit people so the more complicated aspects are useless to me

Frenzy: honestly ive only ever used this subclass because companion guides told me to, ive got no use at all for its niche since ive never tried the tavern brawler builds which i think its mainly used for. My least favorite just because i personally see 0 use for its niche

Wild magic: my tavs subclass! Its fun honestly. Like i never fucking use the wild magic because im too busy using up my actions on hitting people but that doesnt take away the whimsy and fun and silliness of having stupid shit go off. While fighting viconia in the house of grief i got the difficult terrain around you wild magic effect and it FUCKING SUCKED but i loved it. Also being able to reroll every time you get hit at a certain level is fun too if a bit annoying with the constant pop-up. My favorite subclass of the three!

Bard

I have played extremely little of bard. Maybe up to like level 3 or 4? Got to the goblin camp little. Of course i cant properly assess what i think of it because of this but so far im a bit eeehhh about it. Obviously its a support class first and foremost which im not very good at but also you have so little spell slots… how can i support you if i can only do it like 3 times… definitely a skill issue on my part but i just dont gel with it. It IS fun though. Despite all this its extraordinarily silly. I made a bard durge and a bard drow (not ocs)(yet?) who i hope to maybe finish the game with at some point so i hope to be able to play it at full or just more power sometime and maybe understand the class a little more! Optimistic 5/10 for now.

college of swords: the only bard subclass i have played! I think its fine enough like i said i literally just got to that subclass level so i dont see how unique its play style is yet but it sounds fun!

Cleric

Cleric ive played to game completion two times because ive had shadowheart! I think its not very standout at first but once you get spirit guardians its all over. You turn into the evil giggler as you sprint into your enemies like a beyblade. Idk what shadowhearts got in her but she is CRAZY at dodging too often times ive had everyone else wiped but she is just holding out and taking the rest out herself. Its an unexpected powerhouse with great support! Solid 8/10 because its not a first pick but i do enjoy it

Trickery domain: the only subclass ive properly played for obvious reasons! Yes this is where i come out as a guy who never respecs shadowheart. I dunno i literally never really use the trickery stuff so i cant really say ive played the subclass how the game wants me to but its fine! Does its job!

War domain: i literally only played this in the opening of the game before deleting the character after killing the intellect devourers but i do think it has fun potential with that feature that allows you to expend a point for an extra attack. Definitely still ogling it

Druid

I do not have a good relationship with druid. Its just not for me. I think it is absolutely a good class and can dish out a lot of damage but personally i struggle a lot with juggling human and animal form. Ive never been good with that kind of stuff. Ive played the class to game completion 2 times with jaheira once with her constantly shifted and now im actually rarely shifting her at all and just using her spell slots. Its obvious balancing that needs you to use one of your actions to transform but it hurts me personally because unless i do it beforehand (which fucks up cutscenes if jaheira happens to be included) i will never be able to rationalize with it being worth it. So i either always shift or never shift. 4/10 but its said pensively because its my brains fault

Circle of the moon: the only subclass i use because more shifts AND you can shift with a bonus action instead of a normal action? Kiss me.

Fighter

FIGHTER SWEEEEPPP. MY MAIN GOAL IS TO ACTION. ACTION. ACTION. ACTION SURGE. ACTION. ACTION. ACTION. AND THEN ACT LIKE I DONT KNOW NOBODY! HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH! Ive played fighter to game completion two times with lae’zel and i love it. Sure, great weapon master makes your accuracy shit, but its all worth it when every action that DOES hit does the same amount of damage as attaching a c4 to someone. Its just dumb fun, its like barbarian but even better because it has the epic highs and lows of percentage gambling and makes you laugh evilly when lae’zel hits all 6 of her actions at level 12 and takes out 3/4ths of ansurs health in a single turn. 9/10 one point deducted because its honestly kinda plain lore wise which isnt an issue but you know. I like a little cool factor.

Battle master: the only subclass ive played! Battle master is another one of those subclasses im not strategic enough to use to its full potential, but sweeping attack has really saved me against crowds of 1hp enemies. I should honestly use it more often, when lae’zels ai fucking demolished me while we were homoerotically dueling by using all her superiority die i was kind of amazed at all the potential i do not use. I like it a lot! It feels very core to its class.

Monk

Im not kidding when i say monk is my absolute favorite class in the game. I love this thing to death it is SO FUN, ive had an abandoned playthrough in act 3 and an in progress act 3 playthrough with a durge! Coming off the heels of a certain mmo i was afraid that monk was going to be miserable but i could not be more wrong. Your movement is fucking ludicrous (i got to dame aylin in the colony within the first turn by using step of the wind, freed her because jumping no longer costs a bonus action after using that, then STILL HAD MOST OF MY MOVEMENT LEFT and because i was so deliriously high on the power literally did a victory lap by running all the way back to where i started the turn for fun) and flurry of blows is even more so. This is a class for those who want to be high on the absolute joys of being a kangaroo. This is a class for those who love great sfx when you beat the shit out of people. 100/10 best class ever your damage output is stupid and nobody can run from you because you can jump up a fucking skyscraper if you wanted to.

Way of the four elements: the only subclass ive played! Sorry for thinking element magic is cool. The main character i use right now only uses fire spells so i only have a lot of experience with those, but i love starting out my turn with fangs of the fire snake to get that bonus 1d4 fire damage to all my hits afterward. I also love how using that puts your hands and feet on fire for the remainder of the turn thats just cool vfx! Yeah i like it a lot :) the cool subclass.

Paladin

Ive played a little but of higher level paladin via minthara and finished one playthrough! I cant really visualize the whole class from level 1 onward since you only get her in act 2 but i do like it! If i recall correctly my best run with her i managed to find gear that powered her up when concentrating so throwing shield of faith or bless on someone and then divine smiting people to death was SO much fun. 7/10 because i always kind of forget its there? I think if i played it on a tav or durge especially with oath lore and the like i would like it more (i promise you ive tried many times in the past but always end up deleting the character… i really gotta find a good fit)

Oath of vengeance: only oath ive played because its minthara! I dont really know the difference between oaths very much? Probably because i didnt start from level 1 with her so i dont really have much of an opinion. I feel oaths aside from some class actions are mostly lore stuff anyway.

Ranger

i have played a little bit of level 1/2 ranger and more than a little bit of level 12 ranger thanks to minsc! I feel like ranger is very customizable in what you want it to be which is really cool, but i always threw minsc into being a big heavy bow damage guy. Its honestly really fun, which is why i started a (still ongoing) run as one! I like that as beast master you can choose and switch out familiars if you want and i especially enjoy the damage output you can do with that aoe of your normal ranged attack. Great for people with sanctuary or invisible enemies (if only most of the invisible bhaalists werent before recruiting him…) it makes me become the evil chuckler because i like seeing numbers that bows should not be able to do. Solid 7/10 close to an 8 i feel like its more of a “sure ill have that as support damage” class instead of a real main party class. Its also kind of on the more boring side even with a cool animal familiar.

Beast master: only subclass ive played! Holy fuck you get a little guy! For free! Insane!!! Nothing else to say really its perfect.

Rogue

I enjoy rogue SO much more than i thought i would. I was really digging my heels in about playing it at first not wanting to AT ALL leaving astarion in camp jail but ever since i made my durge one ive become hooked. Ive beaten the game with it “twice” (two rogues on the same run, technically “three” times but like i said. Astarion used to be a camp princess. I cant count that since i literally never used him that run) its pretty simple honestly but nothing can beat the pure serotonin of scoring a like 50 damage crit and uncontrollably evilly laughing about it. Another big gambler class like fighter. 9/10 because if youre not in an advantageous position it feels a little frustrating since you cant do your funny gimmick.

Arcane trickster: i kind of hate this subclass. Ive literally never used the spells and never will so it just sucks because thats its thing. Entirely a me thing of course you control the buttons you press but this is my truth, im never using it.

Assassin: now THIS one i love. Bonus to initiative (beautiful) free advantage on enemies that havent taken a turn (beautiful) combine this with alert and the cape given to daddys favorite and you will be practically unstoppable. Literally im never looking at thief or arcane trickster again assassin rogue is my best friend now.

Sorcerer

Okay so nobody kill me but… i think ive fallen off a lot on sorcerer. I dont dislike it! But i think as someone who usually prefers magic classes over martial classes in fantasy… i just prefer the martial classes here. Ive gotten to act 3 with my very first and abandoned run and am currently in act 3 with a durge and a tav (can you tell i really tried to work with it LOL.) Ive tried really hard to like, love it, and when it clicks i do feel really good with it but the thing is that it often unclicks for me. And then i dont really see the fun in it anymore. I do like sorcerer points though, theyre a nice mechanic! 6/10

Wild magic: i LOVE wild magic, its just goofy! I think this subclass specifically elevates it to a 7/10 just because its really fun to fuck around and find out. Nothing much else to say really, its just silly! Definitely my favorite

Draconic Bloodline: i enjoy draconic bloodline. I like the damage boost to specific elements even if its kinda small come lategame (because i was planning on doing a single element run on that character anyway lol) and the choice (and ability not to choose!!) of a cool aesthetic difference is really neat! I hear you get wings at level 11(??) which if true is fucking wicked but my draconic sorcerer hasnt reached that level yet so i will still see!!! Would probably elevate it over wild magic if so.

Storm sorcerer: eehhh tbf i played this subclass on my very first run that i abandoned when i had NO IDEA what i was doing, so im giving it the benefit of the doubt but as far as i remember it wasnt all too exciting. You just get to fly after a spell.. nothing crazy about it really.

Warlock

It took me a while to realize how to really use warlock, and thats spamming eldritch blast. The thing is, its powerful, and i like warlock, but i also kind of dont like it because of this?? Its just become kind of boring to play because unless you need to do crowd control with something like hunger of hadar or cloud of daggers or wall of fire youre always fine just… using eldritch blast. Using your spell slots on hellish rebuke instead or something since thats a reaction. Ive played warlock to game completion once with wyll and have a tav warlock in act 3. I dunno! I think it can just be improved but i have no idea how. 6/10 most if not the entirety of the class feels carried by how much you like your characters lore to me. Its really so cool lore wise.

Pact of the fiend: the only pact ive played! I dont remember if the pacts are just for lore or give you specific class actions/spells… i think they do. Anyhow, i really like the fiends spells!

Wizard

I think wizard is kind of boring. Sorry. Ive played it to game completion once with gale who then subsequently blew up so you know. Anywho, i do like the sheer amount of spells you get with wizard in stark contrast to sorcerer, but i dunno i just never really find a use for that versatility. I always just kinda use the same 5 spells so the whole gimmick kind of falls flat for me. Its not a bad class! I just dont really see much appeal outside of character reasons. 6/10.

Evocation: only subclass ive played. I never respec gale and only after checking what exactly evocation spells are did i become mad about this subclass. “Oh your evocation spells are powered up” MY EVOCATION SPELLS? THE SPELLS WHERE 99% OF THEM DO NOT DO DAMAGE? As far as i know this subclass is completely useless. Bastard.

[swaglexander-the-great]

If you feel like it : develop on your hatred of the new Beauty and the Beast movie? I've heard a lot of salt about the way the music score was handled 👀

O MAN DO NOT DO THIS

Every time I think about this film, rage fills me like a super saiyan powering up and i scream

How do i even start

i think i will do bullet points

these will not be in any coherent order, I take no criticisms on this or my extreme bias

also i have not watched this movie for like years so my rage may outweigh my accuracy BUT

The opening?? With Cate blanchett narrating?? Who do u think u are?? Lord of the Rings? Peter Jackson in an epic trilogy changing the world forever?? You’re Disney eating your own meal and shitting it out again don’t fucking even try it

They didn’t even change anything and the animated intro was much shorter and better

The enchantress enters like Malificent, acts like a trickster god japing bitches, but try to paint her as Good uwu Princess.

Gaston, roughly the size of an ox if the ox was a slightly buff man who would bounce off Terry Crew’s majestic chest like a ping pong ball

You don’t have to be a crusty cynical adult to narrow ur eyes at that twunk picking up a solid 170kg of two people and think CGI

Yes, a queer-coded snivelling sidekick who adores a horrible man is exactly the gay representation we all wanted may I lick ur boots Disney and also suck ur dick but only if we say no homo

Gaston’s sidekick (don’t ask me to spell french) bribing the bar people to like Gaston or something??? The whole point?? Is that Gaston DOES check off the list for Desirable Bachelor in those times!! Can hunt? Yes. Lorge? Yes. Well off? Yup! An asshole? Of course, but does that matter in these times? No! Your privilege is to wash his socks! But Belle is a Different and Special Girl who DOESN’T find Gaston attractive for all the things the village thots do! Gaston is the outer ‘perfection’ that society praises while he’s still a cunt, the Beast is seeing the goodness within no matter what society says! The whole movie is fucking inverted by that one goddamn scene!! I hate this film!!!

this also makes it fuckin weird that they then discriminate against Maurice and side with gaston in the end? The villagers just do whatever the fuck the writer wants them to do and in this it’s so painfully obvious, the CEO of disney may as well be standing there with flags directing their movements in the background, I hate this fucking film

Instead of making cool inventions belles dad just makes like, a weird dolls house if I remember correctly

THEY DUBBED THE WOLVES IWTH TIGER NOISES! W  H   Y

The Be My Guest was so lacklustre. It was like a clown singing kareoke in an empty warehouse while frisbees fly around. You wasted Ewan McGregor on this. Disney has no imagination anymore

To add to that, the ending ballroom scene dance thing?? Lacklustre. Disappoint. Bad dress.

The best character in this film is the horse, who not only remembers the impossible way to the Beast castle, but runs at max speed between the two locations (a half-day journey), regularly with ease, carries the Beast, who IS roughly the size of an ox, and fights off fucking wolves who also seem to totally ignore his presence

Disney robbed me of the one scene I did desperately want, which was Belle deadlifting the Beast on to the main character, the horse

THE PLAGUE

ok the fucking plague ok. You do not mess with the goddamn plague. And this wasn’t cowpox either, this was the full 1500’s shithole Paris Black Death burn-you-alive fucking PLAGUE. Belle’s mom had the Plague, and both her and her dad somehow did not contract this while living with her through her entire sickness, they go to a different town (ISOLATE U HEATHENS) and then?? The Beast and Belle GO BACK to a plague house and run their hands all over shit! Do you know how long the plague takes to die off?? Even TODAY when we dig up a plague pit, everyone has to get immunized, I know this from EXPERIENCE. Congratulations, you and the Beast either have plague or have introduced it to your lovely village. Do not fuck lightly with the plague.

The magic fucking teleportation book.

Why

what the shit

w

t

WHY

They use this shit to instantly Star Trek beam themselves into a plague house

I assume the Beast wasn’t using this to heist random women to see if they would fall in love with him because, like, why would you not do this when you can just politely return them with your stupid magical teleport book

People attack the castle? Use the magical teleport book dumbass

The Beast’s unnecessary, long, boring song from the top of some fucking tower, idk, I skipped it, I got bored

The Beast design. What’s the point if he doesn’t look like feral garbage please. Also his voice pissed me off but I can’t remember why

I dont like him even personality wise

give him to Guillemo del toro you cowards

This was set in Actual History for some fucking stupid reason, and for another unfathomable reason, it was set directly before the French Revolution, so I guess it’s not a happy ending at all. Who wants to be transformed into a guillotine ?

Why is it so fucking dark half the time

The teapot is creepy

Why in the shit did we get the Prince’s fuckin weird tragic backstory? We don’t care. Man get turned beast is what we come for. And why? Why do we need a tragic backstory to excuse his actions? Can he not just be an asshole? Rich, stupid asshole? Who then maybe has to learn a lesson? Instead of oh tortured soul rich boy is so misunderstood! No. Die.

Disney’s absolute desperate need to have characters be ONLY GOOD or BAD BAD makes me want to knee the face of the collective corporation so hard that they are sent into the Hell Dimension

Where did the hot priest at the start go? Why do I think of him sometimes

They want this to be painfully French, but somehow ends up and an even more agonizing blend between painfully British and ass-kissingly american.

Why does the castle just fall apart like that. What is holding it together? Spirit gum? Why? Stone that looks like it has been soldered together with a welding iron doesn’t just give out, or The Earth would have caved in millenia ago

Ian McKellan uses his Gandalf voice and in this film it’s honestly a crime and also jarring to hell

The prince is not hot at all

The stupid dubbed growl at the end which I try so hard to repress makes me want to throw myself into a swimming pool full of mace

The only 1 good thing about this film was the dude who got dressed up by the dresser and was so fucking happy about it.

People complain about the soundtrack, but I for one refused to listen to the songs that bored me within the first 20 seconds, and the ones I listened to were like average remakes of the OGs so that wasn’t really the worst sin

This film so visibly sucked its own dick that this is probably why it was banned in china

Thinking about this film makes me want to commit Violence so I think it’s about time I stopped

I will not be taking constructive criticism or counterpoints to anything about my thoughts on this ever.

Goodbye and thank you for your curiosity