#while also making an informative and funny as hell video like fuck he’s so talented

[dwtdog]

MOST TALENTED BOY IN THE WORLD

8 MONTHS NO VIDEOS EVEN LONGER WITHOUT A GAMING ONE AND HES BACK AT THE TOP ALREADY

[thelyingjoke]

hello mx bow today i cannot stop thinking about the motive video watchparty _(:」∠)_ it started w/ me thinking about how sad it is that gonta *agreed* to help kokichi show everyone the motive videos, and then kokichi lost his trust because he chose to lie abt everyone hating bugs *on top* of that...sir please stop self destructing all your personal relationships bc of your paranoia it hurts my feelings :[

but then i couldn't stop thinking about the plan WORKING nd how that would change the entire trajectory of the story...obv ryoma and kirumi would get A Lot of attention from the group but (unsurprisingly) i can't stop thinkin abt how it would affect kokichi...being outed as a pacifist w/ a small organization that just does silly hijinks would crush most of the villain plan. and he was *willing* to do that!! i don't remember where i was going with this. wah. kokichi being more integrated into the group is spinning in my head at all times forever.

SOSOSOSOOOOOO REAL

the plan working would lead to so many changes……..i love kokichi working in the main group scenarios it gets my brain going. especially with this scenario because it’s not just his word they’re relying on, they have more evidence that they can actually trust him!!! think how the group dynamics would change!!!!!! they’d still think he was annoying (he is) but they’d actually know he wouldn’t mean any harm. he can’t play himself up as a villain anymore and he’s fine with that because now he knows this current plan (the nicer plan) is working! not to mention ryoma & kirumi would be able to get the support they need. it’s not likely kirumi would try to kill again any time soon because at this point she’d be too obvious and hopefully everyone would convince her out of it

something interesting as well, i think, would be how everyone sees maki. how would people react to learning her talent from her video while also knowing kokichi is someone they can trust? would they distrust her more than canon? would some people sympathize with her, given that her orphanage was likely in her video, or would everyone focus on the assassin part? it also of course depends on how much of the situation the video gives away, if her being an assassin is even mentioned to be because of her worry for her orphanage in it at all. people were already a little wary of her in canon, after deciding to believe in her during the trial and her talent being revealed by a guy not many of them are fond of, and it makes me wonder what would have changed in these circumstances

it’s also funny to me to think about how MAD tsumugi would be at this. what the hell! this little shit foiled her heartwrenching murder of the chapter!! she came up with such good motives too!!! she can’t even try to villainize him later. what the fuck you were supposed to be the antagonist who fits with the season’s themes asshole we gave you a whole rivalry with kaito and everything stop breaking the script. she can’t just let everything stop before the chapter 2 murder! she’s definitely going to try her darndest to get people to kill. and given the new information about him, it may be hard to try and get someone to kill kokichi as much as it would be convenient for her. someone would probably eventually kill though, it’s important for the ratings, but also can you imagine how crushing that’d be

kokichi went and had the PERFECT plan that was working! he even showed himself to be trustworthy!! he gave up his villain plan for this!!! and then someone went and killed anyway. dude. Why Did They Do That. IT WOULD BE SO PAINFUL !! ohand imagine . he’s gained the trust of the group but then his trust towards them starts to be broken even more from this. he already had trust issues before but now it seems like they’re being confirmed. his nice peaceful plan only prevented one murder just for another to happen??? did he throw away the mastermind plan for nothing? he still believed there was a mastermind, and it seems even more definite now that someone in their group is working against them. he just doesn’t know who. in his mind it even further confirms his idea that cooperation will be punished. oughhh……… this scenario is so full of opportunities for both kokichi fluff & angst i am consuming it so hard even though it’s only mere crumbs i made up in my head

SPEAKING OF TRUST ISSUESSSSSSSS i am so with you on the gonta bit. stop it dude DON’T TELL A NEEDLESS LIE THAT WILL ONLY ALIENATE YOUR CLOSEST ALLY IN THE END. YOU ARE KILLING ME. although i also wonder if maybe it has something to do with the way he grows increasingly frustrated at gonta over the course of those 3 strategy meeting pre-fte dialogues! in the first one, if you invite kokichi, he’s hesitant about it before he receives the OK from gonta, while if you invite gonta, he’s very polite about letting gonta hang out with shuichi and saying they can meet later. in the second one, inviting kokichi has him expressing hesitance since he’s with gonta again—however, when you invite gonta, he gets more aggressive and goes “i get it, i’m not wanted!” after gonta mentions he’d been falling asleep. by the third one, kokichi doesn’t hesitate to hang out at all, and just says he’s got a plan, and inviting gonta has him go “i don’t mind, take him off my hands”. to me it seems like he was trying to explain everything, but gonta found it hard to follow—hard-to-follow things make gonta fall asleep, and kokichi took that the same as gonta calling him boring, which he hates. if you invite gonta the second time it merely comes out earlier, and kokichi probably notices it later if you decide to invite him instead, which irritates him. he gets tired of trying to explain it and decides lying to him would be easier, which is the plan he figures out by that third event. maybe a combination of all that and his paranoia made him do that? idk i’m just kinda spitballing ideas here . i’m very not normal about motive video watchparty !

[imonthinice]

The Criminal Psychology Majors, Jason Todd x Fem!Reader Part 7/?

Word Count: 3.5k

Author’s Note: Y/N - Your Name, A/N Any Name (your best friend’s name), (Name) - your ex’s name !genderneutral (Don’t use a DC character! Y/N hasn’t dated any other DC character!) :)

3.5k words, my god. And they’ve still only known each other for 4 days and we’re on part 7. I do not know how to finish this.

Lol, Enjoy!

Warnings: Swearing, Heated moments, There is French in this one, No beta bitch we die like Jason Todd

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14) (Part 15) (Part 16) (Part 17) (Part 18) (Part 19) (Part 20)

Falling asleep in Jason’s arms after that escapade the two of them pulled the night before was something magical to say the least. Of course, they only got like 5 hours of sleep before they had to wake up and get out, at risk of Y/N being caught in the building, although the thrill of it excited the both of them deeply, but that’s obvious. They liked breaking the rules already.

Riding back home seemed a lot less like a journey to her this time, she just wanted to spend more time with Jason, but he had work and she didn’t want to hang out at Wayne Enterprises. She’d probably go to the library today, she didn’t know exactly what she’d do today, but she always thought that was the most exciting thing ever. “I don’t know what I’m even going to do tomorrow,” one of her friends asked when she moved to Gotham, ‘How exciting!’ she answered.

That friend said the next day she ran through the streets of Metropolis with her arms outstretched like a kid, and she did it in Y/N’s honor. “I told you!” she said, “How exciting that sometimes you never know what you’re going to do tomorrow!”.

These thoughts swirled in her head as Jason drove her back home when, like clockwork, like it was out of a movie, he said,

“I have no idea what I’m even going to do today.”

She laughed, “I always say ‘How exciting!’ when someone says that to me.”

“Really?”

“One of my friends back home, when I gave her that advice, she then spent the next day running around the city with her arms outstretched in my honor, it was apparently one of the more fun things she’s ever done, so” she paused, “I really mean it. how exciting! The possibilities are endless, are they not?”

“Well, not really, I have work to do,” he frowned.

“So own it. Make the office your bitch. Take charge, take lead.”

“Why not?” he said in agreement.

“Why the fuck not.”

-------------------------------------------

Jason walked her to her door, “Won’t you be late?” she asked,

“Dad knows where I am, I don’t think I’ll have my ass handed to me.”

“You never know,” she laughed.

He laughed too and slightly pecked her lips. He wanted more, he was hungry for more out of that kiss, but work and life gets in the way of their relationship, and he really whined when he had to break away, but she laughed at it.

“Slow your roll Tiger, one day,” she mused.

“You say that like you don’t want more.”

“This isn’t about me,” she retorted, “So, shut up, respectfully.”

He laughed and kissed the back of her hand, “You have a thing for doing that, huh?” she joked.

“I literally don’t know how to answer that, I think I’m losing my touch with flirting,” he joked back.

“Okay, okay, you need to get going now.”

“Fine! You want to get rid of me so badly, I get it,” he joked and walked back to the car and she waved him off. She hated that time he left, a lot. She knew it was healthy to take a day’s break if they’ve been on 3 back-to-back dates, but that didn’t mean she liked it.

She opened her door and walked in, thinking A/N was asleep so she wouldn’t be barraged for her hair being a mess, but, boy oh boy, was this girl waiting for her to get home.

“What happened? Why’s your hair a mess? Oh my god, did you have sex?” she asked.

“No, but we kissed, will you take that as information while I shower or do you want all the details now?”

“You can shower, you can shower. I’m not that needy.”

“Yes you are,” Y/N joked and went to go shower.

And like she always did, she opened her phone and looked at the news before answering her friends,

Millionaire’s Son, Jason Todd's Girlfriend’s Name Revealed!

She laughed, cause it wasn’t her name. She didn’t think he was seeing anyone else, and they used her picture, so she knew they just fucked it. She forwarded the article to Jason with the caption ‘ Fuckin’ idiots’ .

She then answered Artemis, who asked Did you two kiss? Dick’s up my ass about it ‘cause he knows we’re friends.

I want to take that out of context so badly. She joked with Artemis.

I knew this man had a terrible name that would come to haunt me, but did ‘ya kiss?

Yeah we did. Get Dick out of your ass, though, that’s weird, you have a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend.

Shut up, you’re not funny.

I’m pretty funny.

You are but I’m not going to admit that, girl.

And one of her old friends had texted her, it was someone who Y/N had seen off and on the past few years, they were polite, but she didn’t exactly want to speak to her ex.

Hey.

(Name)? What do you want?

Saw you in the news with the rich boy, guess we’re over?

We have been over for like 5 months, my guy. 

Bitch.

Okay!

People from her hometown were noticing her in the articles and recognizing her. Some would think this is the coolest thing that someone they loved met a nice boy, the money a bonus, some would give her the reaction her ex did, but she knew she was days, hours, maybe minutes away from her parents finding out about her love affair with Jason.  

She shuddered at the thought, she loved her parents, a lot, but something told her that maybe they wouldn’t did Jason to be like she found him. She also knew she could be overthinking it entirely and they’d like the Criminal Psych Major that she knew all-too-well.

But overthinking was fun, apparently. And she couldn’t stop thinking the worst of so much.

------------------------------------------------

When she got changed and just threw on whatever the fuck she saw, she went out to go talk to A/N.

“Hey, nerd. I’m done,” Y/N said.

“Nerd? You’re the one dating the bookworm and  you’re in criminal psychology,” she joked.

“Ha, ha. So, how are things with your lover? Have you secured him yet or are you just doing your own thing still?”

“Still just doing our own thing, don’t really have the time to date while getting my degree and working.”

“I mean, if it works for you I can’t throw judgment.”

“What about Jason? How’re things with you two?”

“You ever seen the Wayne Enterprises Ballroom before?”

“In pictures, why- Don’t tell me he took you there you lucky bitch?!”

“Then I just wont tell you,” she laughed.

“The Ballroom? Oh my god, that’s crazy, he's really pulling out all the stops to make you smile, huh?”

“I would do the same if I had more to offer, but I have barely anything since I bought that place in the dance competition across the country,” she said.

Y/N had bought a place in this competition before she met Jason, and she was heading to it on Saturday, in two days, and she actually had practiced the routine during downtime between her and Jason. She hadn’t exactly told Jason about this, and Jason had asked why she looked strained and like her muscles hurt, but that just never seemed like something you share with your casual partner, to her. She never seemed like her casual competitions were worth anything. A/N had begged to differ since Y/N had met her.

A/N said that Y/N had talent, that she could go somewhere, Y/N saw it as an extra circular that didn’t affect her much. She wasn’t the type of brag, and all her trophies were back home with her parents, anyway.

“Have you told him about your,” insert A/N’s heavy sarcasm, “’Casual’  competitions, yet?”

Idk what the hell happened with that line ya love to see it

“I’ll send him a quick text about it, I guess,” she sighed and sent just a quick, Hey, can’t have a date on Saturday-Sunday, forgot to tell you but I’m going to Cali for a quick dance competition, lol. My bad, shoulda said something.

“Why are you like this, be proud of your accomplishments, dammnit!”

“It’s a casual competition!”

“And you’re talented! I’m this close to just showing him videos of you going at it,” she said, exasperated.

“He already knows, we danced in the Ballroom.”

“Oh my lord,” she laughed, “You’re an enigma, if I had your amount of trophies I wouldn’t be hiding it.”

“Im’ not hiding it! It just kind of never came up.”

And he texted back, Oh damn, are you at least going to kill it? You better, I want to show the live broadcast to my family and brag.

She laughed, “See!”, she exclaimed, showing A/N the texts, “He doesn’t care like you do, nerd.”

A/N laughed, “Sure he doesn’t. Do you want to go to lunch, by the way? I’m bored off of my ass.”

“Sure, why the fuck not.”

“Go get dressed then, and I’ll do the same.”

“Okay okay, meet up in 10?”

“Yes ma’am.”

And off they went.

---------------------------

Y/N texted back Jason for a quick minute before getting dressed, Of course I’m going to kill it, my notes aren’t a representation of my dancing skills.

Well, I hope you win something. And text me. But mainly win something.

Of course I’ll text you, Jay. It gets boring at competitions.

You should go to a Wayne Gala then, god damn, those fuckin bastards are the most boring events this side of America.

Well maybe you’ll invite me one day.

I’ll probably have to if you show up on National TV. The press will finally know your name.

I hope I’m not on National TV then. Fuck the press.

Fuck the press indeed.

Since Y/N didn’t feel the need or want to dress up, she didn’t. Quick shirt and jeans and she was out the door. Sometimes she would dress up for lunch dates with her friends, just because she was bored as fuck and dressing up was fun, but she just didn’t want to do it today. Combat boots, jeans and a shirt were enough most days. You don’t have to be a model just because the press knows your face, she thought, you don’t.

“Who’s driving?” A/N asked.

“I can if you want. I don’t mind,” Y/N said as they walked to the beat up car they loved so much. It was nothing compared to the Porsche she had been in the night before, but it was still running, and you don’t fix something that ain’t broke.

“Maybe your boyfriend will buy you a new car,” A/N joked.

“If anything, he’d buy me a new computer, since mine is getting mailed to me and you’re going to love hearing the sounds that bitch makes,” she retorted.

“Is it bad?”

“Terrible. My sister called it a screaming electronic goat once,” she laughed, “I hate that fucking thing. But if it ain’t broke-”

“Don’t fix it, I know.”

“Exactly.”

--------------------------------------------------

For some reason, they decided in the car to go to McDonald's, because hey, it’s not like Y/N is on a  dance diet or anything. She wasn’t, because she didn’t want to starve herself for the sake of winning a competition. That was even her thought process as she was younger and more vulnerable to her teachers, she always told them she’d never do that. Years later, she still stuck to that mindset.

They got out of the car and like fucking clockwork, the press was in her face.

“You! The girl with no name, Jason Todd’s girlfriend!”

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!” she whispered under her breath, “How do they always find me!”

“Tell us about yourself! Are you serious with Jason? How do you feel about his family? How-”

But then she had an idea,

“Quoi? Je parle pas l’Anglais? Qu’est-ce-que vous voulez?” she said, using her bilingual skills to her advantage.

“What? No I mean-”

“Pas de l’Anglais! Désolé mes amis!” and she ran off into the McDonald's with A/N.

“Did you just speak French to get them off your ass, you genius?”

“Spoke very broken French because I wasn’t thinking, but yeah, I did that.”

“I forget you’re multi-talented sometimes, you have a lot hidden under your belt and I try to treat you like a normal person but you’re far from it.”

“I appreciate you for trying, but I think with my new love affair, you aren’t going to get far with those attempts anymore, sorry,” she joked.

Jason texted her, Did you just speak French to avoid the press?

How do you know about that?

We were watching the news during a meeting and they said that you spoke French.

You got to do what you got to do to get by.

That is literally the most genius thing I’ve heard of anyone doing in so long. I think you’ve truly bamboozled them for a while and they might hop off of your back for a while.

You think so? ‘Cause I really hope that’s the case.

My siblings think it’s hilarious, and no one’s leaked that you are just joking with the press, so yeah, they might actually leave you alone.

Let’s fucking go. That is the news of the 21st century.

4 days of knowing each other and you’ve flipped off the press twice, outran them with me once, hid in the Wayne Enterprises Building with me and you’ve spoken French to bamboozle the press. That is impressive.

I feel like the press is going to hate me one day.

Probably. But they also hate most of us most days.

You should probably get back to work.

Yeah, talk to you soon.

She put her phone away and went to stand with A/N, who was waiting for their food.

“Talking to your lover?” she joked.

“When am I not doing that?”

“That’s valid.”

-----------------------------

Going on a lunch date with A/N made a little bit of the harassment just better. They both bonded over how they hated the press before her love affair with Jason, and how their opinions wouldn’t change much unless, knock on wood, one of them went missing. Y/N told her about all the cases where the press and the internet did so much to solve cases around the world, love or hate the press, they did do a lot for solving crime.

She also told A/N that Jason was related to Dr. Barry Allen and Clark Kent, two people the two of them knew well because of the news and the fact that A/N knew Y/N when she wanted to go into forensics and was reading Dr. Barry Allen’s work.

When her mother texted her.

Y/N? Is that you in the press running around with Jason Todd?

Yeah mum, why?

Are you two in a serious relationship?

No mum.

Then why are the vultures so obsessed with you, says your dad.

‘ Cause you two made a pretty girl and he’s high up in the world, I guess, I don’t know. I don’t really like the press.

I can tell. We’re not mad at you honey, but be careful. And your dad says when you two get serious he needs to take Jason fishing.

He doesn’t speak French, mum.

Dad says he’ll work on his English for you.

Well tell everyone I love them, mum.

She panicked a little bit, her parents were nice when they wanted to be, but they were strict, why wouldn’t they be. So this, while being a welcomed surprise. was still a little panicky.

“Your  parents find out?”

“Yeah, they seem chill with it though.”

“Bing in the press sucks when you’re trying to keep your love life out of your parents' eyes, huh?”

“You could say that again,” she joked.

“Being in the press sucks when you’re-”

“I didn’t mean literally!” they laughed.

--------------------------------

Back at Wayne Enterprises, Jason was betting bombarded by his colleges, friends and family about Y/N and how she was able to get around the press’ constant harassment without flaw. And also because Bruce had seen the two enter the building at around 12am the night before. So Jason was called into Bruce’s office that day.

“1, I know everyone is bombarding you, so you can hide out here, son, 2, you and Y/N didn’t have sex in your office right?”

“God no, dad. We just hid here because security is tight as fuck and unable to get past.”

“I saw you two kissing on the cams and heading into your office, Jay.”

“Okay, okay, but we didn't have sex and the intentions were there, dad!”

“Uh huh, pretty girl in your, my, car.”

“Dad, stop it,” he joked.

“Well, her little shenanigans with the press are very amusing, have you told her that?”

“I have.”

“She’s basically not afraid to tell them what we all think.”

“That’s what I said, dad.”

“Well, hold onto that one and don’t let her go.”

“Do you regret doing that with Talia?” Jason asked.

“God no, she’s insane. The son I got out of her antics is literally her spitting image, so if I need to be reminded of her I can just go talk to Damien for a couple minutes.”

“Dami’s a lot like you too, don’t act like his personality is just Talia, he acts like his dad in every aspect and you know that.”

“Lord help any woman or man that kid goes on to date, my god,” the two of them laughed. It was the small things with Bruce that made Jason happy to be a Wayne, even if he didn’t share the last name. Jason grew up on the streets and even before that, his mum and dad didn’t have a lot of money, so the amounts of money that Bruce could shower on him was a lot, but he was okay with just working for his money. And Bruce knew that.

He spent a lot of his workday in Bruce’s office, hiding from the rest of the office, and texting Will.

She knows about your kid.

Well, she’s a good kid. I’m glad you’re bragging about her, means I raised her right.

Shut up. I love that little girl and I’ve helped raise her, Will.

You’re used to my new name?

I changed your contact to Will when you changed your name, so I could remember that that’s your name now and not Roy. I’m hoping I remember it in person though. It would be awkward if I forgot my best friend’s name.

It would be funny to look back on, though.

Like how your relationship with Jade is funny now?

Never stick your dick in crazy.

I wish you would have listened to that sometimes, but then I remember Lian is amazing.

I’m a cliché of dumb choices, what can I say Jaybird.

----------------------

In Y/N’s house, she would always play loud and sad music when she had the chance, some people thought her mental state was fucked, which sometimes it was, but most of the time the sad music went harder than the happy tunes you would catch from the other side of the house.

But even if music was blasting the loudest it could ever be, somehow she would still find herself lost in her thoughts, whether it was new dance routines or a story she would scribble down in her dream journal. there was something about those little fits of artistic passion she would experience from time-to-time.

It’s hard to put into words how those moments reminded her of the simplier times before sh was thrust into stardom, but also how they reminded her of Jason, and untouched mind she longed to know further. She knew there was so much more to the boy she had gone on dates with.

She would end up ignoring her phone for most of the rest of that day, just because she wanted peace and quiet, when A/N’s lover came over and she had to turn the music up louder so she wouldn’t be disrupted by the obvious.

I just got off of work, how are you? How’s your day been? Jason had texted Y/N while she ws turning up the music.

Well, I just had to turn up my music because my roommate’s lover is over, but other than that I’ve been enjoying peace and quiet in my room, waiting for something to do.

Is texting me something to do?

Yes.

That’s sweet of you. Work was boring though so I hope you don’t expect a story.

I don’t, don’t worry. You don’t always need a story for something to do.

Well, I’m going home with my brothers and dad, and we’re probably going to play office chair racing because I’m a bad boy.

You’re a bad boy?

Was that not funny?

It was pretty funny, isn’t that dangerous though?

Yeah actually, my brother broke his leg playing it and another time my little sister broke her leg playing it.

It seems fun but like, damn, two people have gotten injured playing that game, y’know.

Well if I die it’ll be a fun story!

[partyinthemysterymachine]

I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR MORE ABOUT THE SH ACTOR AU (per ur tags on the sh1 post), PWEASE,

LITCHERALLY SHAKES AND CRIES AND MOUTHBREATHES SO HEAVILY THANK YOU

SO i wrote a little bit a while ago, and there's even some art i did to go with it, as well as a piece i commissioned in its honor

however A LOT has changed since then lmao like So Much it's kinda insane. the first post i linked has a lot of incorrect information now, BUT i thought i'd slap it there for some basic ideas, and reiterate what’s still true here as well

THE STORY GOES that, because i love my own work, Get Out Of My Town (GOOMT) has been adapted into a Netflix series from the books series themselves. (yes; GOOMT is a published book series. how blessed and unfortunate for everyone ur welcome. WHICH LEADS TO AN

IMPORTANT NOTE: i, as the author, actually have no place in this. i don’t put myself in it at all, like i wrote it, published, and then fucked off lmao just blip bye y’all can deal with this LOL - not the “death” of the author but. yeah i’m just not involved, like an absent parent. this is ur problem, enjoy)

it’s advertised as a “inspired by Konami’s Silent Hill series” and some other legal mumbo jumbo that makes this possible, and to reiterate, it’s an adaptation of GOOMT. because of this it’s a little controversial on the notes that the two main male characters will end up in a romance; the various, deeply uncomfortable themes; why tf Netflix is choosing to take this big a risk; why the hell it’s getting a TV adaptation in the first place, etc.

so it’s getting a bit of publicity, to say the least.

there are four seasons planned, though, of course, the future of it is hinged on its success. they will move on to shoot s2 if it does well.

WELL GUESS WHAT IT SURE DOES AND HOWDY DO HERE COMES SEASON 2

(ALSO ALSO IMPORTANT NOTE: for ease and to avoid confusion, i refer to the actors (who actually have real person names) as their characters - even when they haven’t been cast yet.)

WE GONNA NEED A CUT HERE MY GOOD SUCKERS SO AWAAAAY WE GO

(no like seriously there's so much text under here lmao rip in fucking pieces all ye who dare enter)

the director cast a C-list character actor to play Harry, whose resume largely consists of minor roles in TV and barely known by name, more by “hey it’s that guy!”, and a new and upcoming actor to play James, who, thanks to his debut comedy film, has suddenly rocketed into fame and the public eye.

naturally, casting James for such a serious role directly after cementing himself as a comedy actor has people scratching their heads and already saying he’s going to nuclear bomb it. he’s brand spanking new to the big time entertainment industry, possibly on the way to being an A-lister, and he’s gonna risk career death already??? ur fuckin nuts but ok sure whatever dude

the doubts that he can even go on an Ambien-powered DREAM of doing a small serious role any justice are high, as when digging into his resume, his theatre credits are primarily comedic roles. he’s shown himself as pretty relaxed and funny as person in interviews while, to his merit, holding an air of maturity. he’s very fun and interesting to interview, and his social media is rather chill. he posts every few days, answers fan questions and general interaction, does the occasional expected promotions, his pictures/videos are a total delight, and seems to be taking near-instant fame pretty damn well.

James has loads of nerdy interests, mostly in prop replica, but include collecting playing card and baseball card decks, preservation of Las Vegas history, gambling machines (including pachinko! but not as much as American machines; and no, he’s not a gambler), SPAAAACE, and the evolution of toys.

on the other side of the concert hall, also casting an essentially no-name actor to play his first huge role is getting some chatter. people’ve dug up Harry’s credits and done some nitpicking, many believing that there’s no way he has the actual talent and range to do barely a pebble’s throw of a good a job as other main listers could. there were rumors of other well-knowns potentially slated to take on the role of Harry Mason, which were obviously all just that: rumors.

some speculate that he was chosen thanks to his SURPRISINGLY CONVENIENT natural, deep widow’s peak hairline, AND his left-handedness. (imagine that. what a coincidence. wow. what good luck indeed!!) Harry obviously nailed the auditions and if he didn’t, he was ready to retire from acting. he’s been in the business for decades, was tired of the small character roles. he stopped looking for his Big Break a long long time ago, and suddenly he’s Harrison Ford’ing it by getting a leading role in a Netflix show. Whew.

he hasn’t gotten to do an interview yet, only releasing a statement about how pumped he is (with some old photo from one of his TV roles for reference), so the public is left wondering what kind of a guy he is until he’s sitting across from some journalist.

so these are pretty gutsy casting choices, which pushes more publicity and anticipation onto GOOMT, ensuring a healthy viewership for, at the very least, the first episode. phase 1 of evil genius complete. suckers

James is 25 to his role’s 27; Harry’s 43 to his role’s 48. they tried to intentionally cast a bit younger without jeopardizing the “wrong look” of their characters, thinking ahead that, should GOOMT get its four planned seasons, it’s going to take years to shoot, and so James and Harry will age and “grow” into the look/age of their characters.

(this thought process was based on the evolution of the cast of Stranger Things; no, the adults didn’t really have much differences in their appearances to show for in terms of age during the years it took to shoot, and they of course have modern makeup to fix any problems, but they are working against time. this sounds very confusing and contradictory to the above “they have time to grow into their characters so cast young” to a lot of critics and such, but the director is so fucking weird that people have given up on trying to figure that one out.)

other changes include dyeing James’s hair from auburn to blond (which will then be decided that he’ll be wearing a wig to avoid killing his hair lmao), and dyeing the correct grey pattern into Harry’s naturally dark brown hair. neither have to wear contacts, as WOW LUCKILY ENOUGH, James bears green eyes, and Harry, brown. Harry does get to have prosthetics made for his ears to make them elfin :3c

Harry was required to gain weight for the role and, contrary to the first link’s information, was NOT as pleased. James just has to maintain. it sucks a little (lot), for, to the knowledge of absolutely NOBODY and they’d like to keep it that way, they both suffer from eating disorders. that are the opposite of each other. and they have no idea they’re about to be each other’s triggers lmao RIP IN PIECES KEK

i honestly flip flop between how they first meet: was it a part of their final audition process, doing a couple scenes together to judge their chemistry, or did they meet the first time when they met everyone else (crew, production team, big wigs, etc)?? i have actual scenes/ideas as to how both scenarios play out, but i’ll spare y’all for now LOL

IRREGARDLESS (god i hate how that’s actually in the dictionary now), they hit it off splendidly. they make a point to hang out outside of production time, text, get to know each other. Harry gets to enjoy (not) the paparazzi experience for the first time and thanks he hates it :) so now the public gets better pictures of him, unflattering and flattering, out on his own and also out with James. it really fucking sucks and it makes Harry so anxious that he’s This Close to actually backing out, but.. can’t do it, for a multitude of reasons; the show must go on.

he eventually gets used to it and, with James (and in the future, Douglas and Heather), get to have a bit of fun with the paparazzi, on their own terms.

Harry hails from West Virginia Appalachia. he worked hard to get rid of his VERY thick Appalachia accent, and somehow got out of that holler when he was seventeen, right out of high school that day. there isn’t a person out there that could confidently snitch on Harry’s “normal” American accent (aka, Midwest). there have been a couple roles he was able to use it for, though. these days he practices it in private, feeling attachment to it after being so ashamed of his roots for all his life, finally trying to preserve a bit of his own history.

he’s also mega fudged personal information in order to scrub himself free of being a deep mountain hick (which he’d say himself that he was.. is). but now that he’s stepping into the limelight, he’s just waiting for that shoe to drop, knowing how snoopy people are and how information can just be plucked out of thin air, and he’s always HIGHLY valued his privacy.

yeah. he hired a therapist. there’re a lot of triggers he didn’t even know existed for problems he didn’t even know he was repressing.

Harry’s lived in the Los Angeles area/suburbs for about twenty years now, and along the lines, bought a house. he paid off the mortgage on his house just a couple years ago. his house is time capsule frozen smack dead in the 70s and in the “ranch” style. it’s a modest, unassuming abode, with shingles painted brown and wood strips hatching diamonds onto the smaller windows. the door is an orange-yellow with four textured smaller glass diamonds in dark red, orange, blue, and yellow.

mustard yellow curtains shield the living room behind the large and wide front window, where built-in planters with the same white border and hatch pattern hold seasonal flowers. a huuuge old oak tree shades most of the lawn, which is kept such a pretty green, and even partially shades the lazy snake of a walkway. it’s cement and bordered by earthy, multicolored bricks, a few lanterns alternating in distance to guide the way, and annuals planted amongst them.

the house had seen an exterior remodel, and when he saw the original pictures, it drove him absolutely crazy LOL so he fully plans to get someone else in and DO IT AGAIN and return his goddamn house to its proper exterior glory. and fix a few things. anyway,

the most important thing about his house is that he has a conversation pit. thank you for your time

he also drives an old 1987 Toyota Corolla LE sedan in that wonderful light blue metallic (8D8), totally unremarkable, and he loves it so much.

James moved to Los Angeles from Portland, Oregon. he was born in Idaho and went to Portland at seventeen to try to get his foot in the door in doing some theatre, make friends, have weird experiences, meet a girl, break up with her, meet another girl and have an exciting two-year romance, dabble in plaster sculpting, get REALLY super into/discover the nerdy interests he has now, come to kinda super hate Portland,

he went to audition for the comedy movie on a fuckin whim. he was in San Fransisco of all places when someone mentioned it and he was like. okay fair when is it?

and he jokes about this a lot in interviews, how it was a literal race against time and all odds to make it to the audition before the cutoff, like he was in some late 80s-mid 90s feel-good movie. James had about no knowledge of what he was auditioning for other than it was comedy, had nothing prepared, a fly’s sigh worth of knowledge of the character, and blew it all right out of the park, home run, won the championship.

life has been BONKERS since then. he’s been nominated for awards, been on red carpets, getting starstruck meeting people he thought that the potential to be meeting them would be through a wild LSD trip - and so busy, and so stressful, and he’s turning back to unhealthy coping mechanisms. he’s seeing a therapist - and just glad he never got into substance abuse.

too much of that one at his childhood home.

James doesn’t like the flashy mansions - or any really huge house. it’s only gonna be him most of the time! truth be told, he’s no party boy, and the vibes gotta be good. he instead got himself a sweet little industrial/exposed brick wall/repurposed warehouse/firehouse type loft. a LOFT! with BIIIG floor space to skateboard on. (oh yeah; he does that. it’s kinda cute seeing him nyoom through the sets/backlots all dressed up as his character James Sunderland, backpack and all)

AND A FIREMAN’S POLE! FUCK YEAH he’s having a great time dressing up the place in all his nerdiness and yeah.. buying some expensive bells and whistles like telescopes, outfitting the garage into a workshop.. some collection items.. installing an enormous fish tank in the wall in his bedroom so he can have his bed right up against it and stare at the fish..

it’s weird and lonely and James isn’t sure how long it’s gonna take to get adjusted. yeah, he has friends over, has been making new friends, busy schedule, blah blah.. but just.. weird. he likes the fish though, and that he can skateboard indoors without anyone saying jack shit about it, and really didn’t like the Dolce and Gabbana suit at all……. not much of a fan of the brand so far, anyway….. god, rich people are stupid about brands. (hipster of him; you can take the man out of Portland, Oregon, but..)

James thinks that it’s SICK that his character drove a 1977 Pontiac Ventura but can’t see himself ever driving one. he can appreciate vintage/classic/hot rods/vintage muscle cars (Road Runners are fucking SWEET and they go MEEPMEEP and the Firehawks are REAL cool), but…… he likes motorcycles. yeah, he rides motorcycles - and he’s not about any discourse. straight up doesn’t care.

he owns a 2017 Yamaha YZF-R3 ABS that is custom painted with (yeah, sparkly) He-Man/KISS theme. look. he’s 25 and stupid as fuck and he unironically loves He-Man and KISS. actually he doesn’t really know about KISS, he just likes a lot of the KISS merch he always saw in Spencer’s and the pinball machine was cool. anyway, KISS

BUT ANYWAY

Douglas pops up out of total nowhere. GOOMT has wrapped its first season and they’ve already been green lit for s2. fame is comin to the cast and crew, and god pls leave Harry alone!!! he was doing his best to go incognito one night, wearing a stupid beanie to hide his hair (nothing can be done about his beak, rip), dressed casually and Not-Harry Mason (which he’s figured out has more of A Look than he thought it could), and for the most part, he’s been flying under the radar tonight.

so he was heading down the sidewalk after having dinner with James and his girlfriend (met her on set; was a monster girl extra lmao), going for his little car waiting for him at a meter. but parked a car ahead of his Toyota, there’s this REALLY stunning beige, four door Chrysler New Yorker, circa late 1960s.. but couldn’t tag the exact year. Harry’s not too much of a car guy, but he can appreciate a good looking car.

so he goes to take a look. it’s evening, about 9p. Harry doesn’t notice someone sitting in the front seat, so when he bends to look through the passenger window he gets a HUGE jump scare when he sees someone peeking at him lmao, and when this enormous, 6’4” dude (in his early fifties, Harry guesses, with beautiful, fully grey hair, built Ford Tough like kinda soft but undeniably STRONG underneath, whew) steps out Harry wants to die but for two reasons and the first one goes in the fucking trash—

anyway Douglas apologizes for spooking him, Harry says sorry for being creepy looking at his car, they have a little talk about the car. vibes are amazing. Harry, after that weird lull of silence after conversation you can’t figure out how to proceed with, says his thanks and goodnight and goes to leave, when Douglas is like hey wait. you wanna come to trivia night?

Harry’s like, h u h ? and Douglas explains that he was heading in to trivia night at the bar/lounge right up the street, he’s meeting some friends there, wanna come along? Harry bluescreens a bit, gets some anxiety about Being Seen but. doesn’t let that hold him back. his gut says go, so he says sure, drops quarters into the meter so his car doesn’t get towed and LA is HELL, and away to the bar

packed place. Douglas’s (rather big) friend group are wedged onto two couches (and perching on the coffee table) in the back. they all say their hellos - and, realizing he didn’t want to use his actual name because people are already giving him the curious ‘i think i recognize you’ squint, Harry grabs a name and profession out of the air to hide behind for the night.

Dusty Farlow the home carpet cleaner gets to know a great group of people during the Los Angeles History Trivia Night (with a bonus round of landmarks haunted by celebrities from the silver age of Hollywood!) he’s amongst a mixed group of people ranging from age 22 (it seems) to about 60 (it seems). and yet. none of these people (except a couple of amused/curious looks), not even the old-timers, recognized the pseudonym he chose for the evening.

guess no one watched Dallas.

ha.

anyway the night wears on and Harry learns that Douglas is a glassblower and he “moonlights” (as he calls it) in making glass tiles, glass paperweights, Crown glass for windows, and kaleidoscopes. he didn’t get to hear much more on that front and only got bits and pieces about him where he could cuz it was hectic, and loud, and the conversations were everywhere.

anyway eventually Harry has to make his excuses and ago, he’s kinda getting claustrophobic and super tired, and starts to say goodbye but can’t see Douglas :( probably went to the bathroom but hhhh he’s seeing a cluster glancing at him and whispering and not-so-sneakily holding up a phone so it might be time to make like a tree and scram

he gets out into the night and starts down to his car and Douglas catches up to him, apologizes for having disappeared into the bathroom at the wrong time, they say their “thanks it was great hanging out” and then Douglas asks for his number……. ……. and Harry surprises himself by giving it to him, and Douglas returns the favor, sent a text, now they have each other’s numbers for sure

another goodbye, shyer? shy from Douglas too? and Douglas goes off, leaving Harry standing there like. what the fuck just goddamn happened here on this one night and Yeah so There’s That

i can jump WAY ahead to how Douglas gets cast BUT GOD I’VE GONE ON SO LONG KDFLKSFGHSDIG

ANYWAY that’s essentially the basics of actor AU, it’s a TV show, shenanigans ensue, there’s So Much and by god it goes even HARDER on set and how their professional lives flow and all those other interpersonal relationships and i have so much lore it’s so stupid lmfao

THANK YOU FOR YOUR INTEREST AND GOD BLESS I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS GREAT BIG MESS 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

[normal-thoughts-official]

I'm ignoring my responsibilities in favor of watching the All Malec Moments video compilation so get ready for a livewatch no one asked for

Hodge is so incredibly wrong about everything he says about Magnus and it's kind of impressive because all he says is heavily supported by the Clave's files, which. Is proof of how great Magnus is at manipulating them and having them think exactly what he wants them to, tbh. Especially considering that as much as Magnus closes off emotionally, he was always very caring and kind to all other downworlders and warlocks, like, they all know they can trust him, he was named HWoB, he has a thousand kids, he took them all into hiding, etc. But the Clave and circle members are still 100% sure he's a super greedy lothario who's good for nothing but partying, and like. Obviously it's because they racist but they have an intelligence system and a file full of pictures and information and it all seems to support what Hodge is saying about him. So like Magnus was quite literally living a double life, with a whole personality he put up for shadowhunters and enemies, and another for his allies and friends, and even that one isnt 100% him because he was still trying to protect himself by closing himself off from relationships. and thats fucking impressive like my man is so smart i love him

Their first official talk is so funny magnus literally goes "I'm magnus" and Alec goes "Alec" and then he smiles and then he just goes. "Oh yeah right we should uh we should go to the hmm youhavebeautifuleyes what's it called hm" and its hilarious because they exchanged three (3) words and Alec is already all lost because Magnus is just That Beautiful. also all Magnus has to do is introduce himself and Alec smiles for the first time in 4 episodes like bro. bro. seriously. help him

he's SO frustrated when Alec doesn't get the "i love a dirty lair" flirt like he does that little eyebrow raise and hes just like "what the hell i thought that was GOOD" but Alec's head is legit playing wii music

Magnus pays izzy for "defending the warlocks" i had forgotten about that and it makes me so soft ;-;

Magnus and Izzy were just vibing with magnus asking her what presents Alec likes and clary immediately interrupts to ask about the memory demon like homophobic from day one i guess

Magnus is positively impressed by the way Clary goes "I'll do anything to save my mother" you can see how much he values loyalty right then have i mentioned that i love him

we talk about the "I'm talking to you" part a lot but we never mention how Magnus just throws that one and yeets off with clary not even waiting for a reaction he's just like that's RIGHT bitch you have beautiful hazel eyes too! do with that what you will i am now summoning a demon goodbye forever

the second him and Clary are away from the rest he tells her not to trust anyone and to be careful, like... ugh he cares so much it's unreal and again very deliberate, flirt a little, give izzy a necklace, throw in some innuendos, make it seem like it's all very innocuous so no one bothers to follow them or listen in when he goes away with Clary alone, and then immediately warn her about the clave when he gets away from the others. like he cares so much and he's so good at keeping that visible only for those he wants to it's astounding, my man is so talented and i hate that he had to learn to do that to survive but god i admire him and how committed he is to helping others too. like he could say "welp who cares it's dangerous imma go fuck off" like ragnor did but not only did he stay but he had a huge vulnerability with all his generosity and he never gave that up not for a second, even as he closed himself off from having any close friends or family or lovers, he never was anything if not generous and kind

the way he deliberately calls Jace shadowhunter in the most uninterested and even lowkey condescending way after the "pretty boy" incident idndjdndi we stan a king

the way Alec and magnus hold hands to summon the demon and even Magnus seems a bit shocked at the intensity of the sound and the bond that they make like. obviously they have their little staring contest and Alec is doing the Lightwood Intensity™ thing but like you can see Magnus frown just slightly and be a little confused because it was so strong right off the bat. even the sound of when they hold hands is louder than when the others do, like you can just feel their connection and the way magnus' magic flows so freely through Alec like god the soulmate energy tbh

Alec has a full body jerk when they hold hands too and he's the only one like damn we get it u 2 r vibin get a room

Izzy going "you ppl are pathetic" straight to the hets is so funny especially after Alec reacted to holding magnus' hand like he had gotten a 1000W electric shock or something. but i get the feel maybe she did that deliberately so they wouldnt pay as much attention to Alec's reaction too

the special effects were truly so bad like we all knew this but damn

Jace is such an asshole like Alec made it to kill the demon because it was you know about to seriously hurt them all and Magnus had just said that he couldn't contain the demon for longer (and like we know that Alec is the only one who ever cared if Magnus overexerted himself out of the shadowhunters but like bro this affects you) and Jace just???? shoved him??????? against the wall???? like a fucking piece of shit??? they should have let valak kill him tbh

the first time magnus calls him Alexander is when he calls Alec to see if he wants a drink and it's just like very clearly a thing that's supposed to be between them two? like he never did it when there were others nearby and i dig that

the fact that when asking Alec out he said "it was nice getting to know you, you seem sympathetic" like he could have gone with a lot of better more flirty adjectives but for a second the truth slipped out and he said what he thought - that while Alec was objectively you know tall and strong and all what really attracted him was the way Alec clearly gave a fuck whether or not Magnus was struggling with his magic to keep the damn demon at bay. and that was before the magic sharing shit too when Alec proved him right by cleaning up his things and saying that he had exerted himself enough for one day. like so many ppl see Magnus as the All Powerful Son Of Asmodeus Who's Also There To Service Shadowhunters and Alec just shows the faintest signs of caring about his wellbeing and he's immediately drawn to him like damn Im sad

also maybe this might be why he asked Alec to come so he could draw from his strength specifically, like he knew from the little hand holding thing that Alec was open and receptive to his magic (which probably adds to the "sympathetic" stuff like the fact that Alec had such an intense reaction to his magic and yet didnt try to push it back or draw away from it basically shows that he's open to Magnus if that makes sense? not only because magic is a part of warlocks but also because shadowhunters are all taught that magic is like, dirty and evil, so it would be instinctive for Alec to be resistant to demonic magic in his body, but he wasn't, he accepted it so readily and intensely it was a shock to the both of them) and also that he cared enough to support him. he kinda had Magnus' back from the beginning, first killing that circle member in the club before Magnus even saw him, then helping Magnus kill the other, then immediately making it to kill the demon when Magnus said he couldn't hold him back for long. like im aware I'm reading too much into this but s1 malec was very kept to the between-the-lines and its very interesting to me to think what Magnus was thinking, even if obviously on a subconscious level. Alec was showing himself to be open, reliable and caring, and magnus values that, and hes attracted to him and he hasnt had that in a while, because he wouldnt allow himself, but now he's healing and the pull he feels when he finally gets that while being emotionally available enough to accept these little gestures of caring is really strong. love that for him tbh

i go FERAL over everything about the magic sharing shit okay i always have. the way alec shows up and Magnus is kind of falling over, exhausted from trying to hold onto luke, and Alec immediately runs to support his weight and make sure hes okay? and magnus even as he was about to fall over never had his magic falter, my man couldn't keep his balance but still wouldnt come close to stumbling and risking luke's life further for even a second. so when Alec gets there he's just quite literally having his back, supporting his weight, when even Magnus didnt care about that (which like. unhealthy) and was focused on luke? and like Magnus can focus on luke because Alec is there to give him his support and make sure he's fine and how long's it been since he last had someone to do that?? and it's clearly alec's first instinct and like we know Jace or even Clary wouldnt fucking react like that. and then they have this ridiculous fucking staring contest again like we get it alec you're gay panicking at Magnus' beautiful eyes but like pls? and then we get to the most important part which is TAKE WHAT YOU NEED

like JDNDJSNSKDNDJDBSHSBSUSNSISNSIBSZJBZUZBSJSBSISNSSINSIS *SCREAMS INTO OBLIVION, SENDING SELF OUT OF EARTH'S GRAVITY ZONE*

his reaction is just SO intense and immediate he's just like "take what you need" he just offers himself fully to help Magnus just like that, no hesitation, and like Magnus is literally drawing from Alec's strength/life force, there should be some kind of resistance, even from a regular person or a friend, like its a very natural instinct. but Alec just grabs his hand and goes take what you need and he doesn't resist he just lets him do it and lets Magnus take his strength, because he genuinely worries about his wellbeing and safety just because he does, he believes in protecting others and being there for them, same as Magnus, and to Alec it's the most natural thing in the world but to Magnus it's shocking because he's always been self reliant, he has to be, he's been alone too many times and he's been used too many times and he's scared of what he'll let people take from him if he opens himself up because he always gives and gives, and he hasnt even let anyone be there for him to have his back and give him support when he needed in these last few centuries, not fully, not since Camille. but Alec shows up and just immediately cares for him in both small (like later when he refuses to let Magnus clean his couch magically because he knows he's tired and does it himself) and huge (like literally not hesitating before letting Magnus use a super intimate and presumably draining spell on him without putting any kind of limit, so Magnus can not overexert himself like he always does) ways and it means so much to him? and hes just so drawn and attracted to him and suddenly he realizes he's catching feelings that he had forgotten how to, because of course he had been healing and opening up, but he still kept people at some kind of length that didnt allow them to take care of him even if they wanted to, but Alec got that opening and he dived right in, and Magnus realizes how starved he's been for this kind of care and support that he's been denying himself and he decides to chase this, take it seriously, and i just aaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

and like again Alec doesn't even think twice about it, because he's always been the protector and the support anyway, and he doesn't want to let anyone struggle and also most of that is just him being a Decent Human Being, but just like he got that opening that no one else did before, he met Magnus at the right time and he was sympathetic and caring and that sparked so much in Magnus, made him realize just how much he's been craving affection and care and close contact with people, and being vulnerable emotionally, and all of that that he's been denying himself. obviously magnus is romantically attracted to him but right then Alec is unlocking honesty with himself inside of magnus, he's unlocking vulnerability and not using it against him but really making a good thing out of it, and magnus' forgotten it could feel like this, safe and nice instead of hurting and scary. and again it's such a simple gesture but fuck my boy's been starved!! for so long!!! okay! and he can't help but want to desperately clutch to that feeling because against all odds he trusts alec to see his vulnerability right then (and he deliberately lets him see it further when he gives Alec that drink, tells him he's been closed off, that alec's unlocked something in him. you can see all the sadness and hope and vulnerability in his eyes right then, pretty much for the first time in the show, hes just so open and vulnerable and that's deliberate! first time was a fluke but second time he's choosing to because he wants to see where this goes, and if the magic sharing scene is the spark, the drinking scene is the fire, because they're not in a life or death situation anymore, Magnus is choosing to give Alec a chance by showing him a glimpse of his insecurities and Alec answers in kind, letting Magnus see his own confusion and want, and also again shows his caring and doesn't betray or use magnus' vulnerability and fuck!!! Magnus falls in love right then because this boy stays with him all night and talks, and he sees Magnus look at him with shiny eyes and admit that he's been scared of relationships, and he tells magnus not to overexert himself, and they click and Alec is open to his magic and hes funny and hes compassionate and also passionate about what he believes in, and they have so much in common with the way they hide and care so deeply and protect others always and are so loyal and i just. udndjdndidjdjxnxjxnskxndk SOULMATES god)

I need to lie down actually this was a bad idea I'm not strong enough I'm too feral

Might continue this later who knows. I'll be tagging malec livewatch and also long post as always if you want to filter this nonsense out

[longgae]

11 celebrities who've been called out for homophobic comments

This is gonna be interesting...

1. In 2020, Twitter users accused J.K. Rowling of transphobia after comments she made on Twitter. Rowling tweeted, "'People who menstruate.' I'm sure there used to be a word for those people. Someone help me out. Wumben? Wimpund? Woomud?" Fans on social media quickly told the writer she was not being inclusive to the transgender community. Rowling backed up her statement by tweeting, "I respect every trans person's right to live any way that feels authentic and comfortable to them. I'd march with you if you were discriminated against on the basis of being trans. At the same time, my life has been shaped by being female. I do not believe it's hateful to say so." She also said, "I want trans women to be safe. At the same time, I do not want to make natal girls and women less safe. When you throw open the doors of bathrooms and changing rooms to any man who believes or feels he's a woman – and, as I've said, gender confirmation certificates may now be granted without any need for surgery or hormones – then you open the door to any and all men who wish to come inside. That is the simple truth."

2. Kevin Hart stepped down from hosting the Academy Awards after his old homophobic comments surfaced, saying, "I am evolving and want to continue to do so."

Between 2009 and 2010, Kevin Hart made insensitive jokes on Twitter and in his standup specials. For example, in one tweet, the comedian said he would break a dollhouse over his son's head if it turned out he was gay. In his 2010 special, "Seriously Funny," he reiterated the point that he would act abusively if his son was gay. "I wouldn't tell that joke today, because when I said it, the times weren't as sensitive as they are now," Hart later told Rolling Stone. "I think we love to make big deals out of things that aren't necessarily big deals, because we can. These things become public spectacles. So why set yourself up for failure?" When it was announced that Hart was going to be the host of the Oscars in 2018, his past jokes resurfaced. After backlash from the public, Hart stepped down as host. "I have made the choice to step down from hosting this year's Oscar's....this is because I do not want to be a distraction on a night that should be celebrated by so many amazing talented artists," he wrote in a tweet. "I sincerely apologize to the LGBTQ community for my insensitive words from my past … I am evolving and want to continue to do so. My goal is to bring people together not tear us apart."

3. After Paris Hilton was caught criticizing the gay community in an audio recording, she apologized, saying, "Gay people are the strongest and most inspiring people I know." In 2012, an audio recording of Paris Hilton in a taxi cab was leaked. According to reports, she was in the car with a gay man who was showing her the gay dating app, Grindr. In the audio, you can hear Hilton say, "Gay guys are the horniest people in the world. They're disgusting. Dude, most of them probably have AIDS. ... I would be so scared if I were a gay guy. You'll like, die of AIDS." Her publicist confirmed that the recording was in fact Hilton but emphasized the socialite was not homophobic. (Are they sure about this? God...) In an apology statement, Hilton said, "I am so sorry and so upset that I caused pain to my gay friends, fans, and their families. Gay people are the strongest and most inspiring people I know."

4. After a member of the audience called out Tracy Morgan for his homophobic remarks during a standup set, the comedian apologized. In 2011, a man chronicled Tracy Morgan's standup set in Nashville on Facebook. In the post, the man said Morgan said being gay is a choice because "God makes no mistakes." The comedian also allegedly said he would stab his son if he came out as gay. (Kevin Hart, you here?) After backlash and a half-hearted apology on "Late Show with David Letterman," Morgan issued an official apology. "I want to apologize to my fans and the gay & lesbian community for my choice of words at my recent stand-up act in Nashville," he said. "I'm not a hateful person and don't condone any kind of violence against others. While I am an equal opportunity jokester, and my friends know what is in my heart, even in a comedy club this clearly went too far and was not funny in any context." (Good sir. There is more to LGBTQ+ then just gays and lesbians)

5. Sarah Silverman used a gay slur in a 2010 tweet. When asked about it in 2018, she said, "I'm certainly creative enough to think of other words besides that that don't hurt people." In 2010, Sarah Silverman tweeted, "I don't mean this in a hateful way but the new bachelorette's a f-----." Although the tweet went relatively unnoticed at the time, it picked up momentum again in 2018 when people pointed out that it was unfair for Kevin Hart to step down from hosting the Oscars for doing something similar. "Yea, I'm done with that," Silverman told TMZ when she was asked about it in 2018. "I think I can find other ways to be funny. I used to say 'gay' all the time like, 'That's so gay!' Because we're from Boston. We'd go, 'That's what you say in Boston. I have gay friends. I just say gay.' Then I heard myself, and I realized I was like the guy who'd say, 'What? I say colored. I have colored friends.' I realized it's stupid, and I'm certainly creative enough to think of other words besides that that don't hurt people. But I fuck up all the time."

6. Eminem has been criticized for using gay slurs in his songs, but he insists he isn't homophobic. In 2018, Eminem released his album, "Kamikaze." In one song titled "The Fall," he focuses on fellow rapper Tyler, The Creator. In the song, Eminem raps," "Tyler create nothin', I see why you called yourself a f----t, bitch." This wasn't the first time rapper had been criticized for using a gay slut. Throughout his career, he has used similar words in his songs and received a lot of criticism for it. Eminem, however, insists he is not homophobic. "The honest-to-God truth is that none of that matters to me: I have no issue with someone's sexuality, religion, race, none of that," the rapper told Vulture. "Anyone who's followed my music knows I'm against bullies — that's why I hate that f---ing bully Trump — and I hate the idea that a kid who's gay might get s--- for it."

7. Mel Gibson mocked how gay men act in the early '90s. While doing an interview in 2001 for Spanish newspaper El Pais, Gibson said, "With this look, who's going to think I'm gay? I don't lend myself to that type of confusion. Do I look like a homosexual? Do I talk like them? Do I move like them?" Throughout the '90s, GLAAD protested Gibson's films, but the actor refused to apologize. "I'll apologize when hell freeze over," he said. "They can f--- off."

8. Alec Baldwin went on a homophobic Twitter rant against a reporter he did not agree with. He later said his remarks were "in no way was the result of homophobia." In 2013, Daily Mail reporter George Stark wrote a story accusing Alec Baldwin's wife, Hilaria, of tweeting at James Gandolfini's funeral. Baldwin took to Twitter to express his anger at Stark, calling the reporter a "toxic little queen," among other comments. In an interview with the Gothamist after the incident, Baldwin stood by his decision to call the reporter a "queen." "The idea of me calling this guy a 'queen' and that being something that people thought is homophobic … a queen to me has a different meaning. It's somebody who's just above," he told the publication. "It doesn't have any necessarily sexual connotations," Baldwin said. "To me a queen ... I know women that act queeny, I know men that are straight that act queeny, and I know gay men that act queeny. It doesn't have to be a definite sexual connotation or a homophobic connotation." He later issued an official apology, according to The Hollywood Reporter. "My anger was directed at Mr. Stark for blatantly lying and disseminating libelous information about my wife and her conduct at our friend's funeral service. As someone who fights against homophobia, I apologize," Baldwin said. "I would not advocate violence against someone for being gay, and I hope that my friends at GLAAD and the gay community understand that my attack on Mr. Stark in no way was the result of homophobia."

9. Chris Brown also used homophobic language (no shockers there) when talking about another rapper, but he later said, "I love all my gay fans." In 2010, rapper Raz provoked Chris Brown when he tweeted about Brown's past assault on Rihanna. Brown responded by attacking Raz on Twitter, referencing the fact that Raz was molested by another man as a child and calling him a "#homothug." "I'm not homophobic! He's just disrespectful," Brown tweeted later. "BTW…I love all my gay fans and this immature act is not targeted at you!!!! Love."

10. Azealia Banks has a long history of problematic comments, but she has since said she will no longer use gay slurs. In 2015, singer Azealia Banks was caught on camera yelling at a flight attendant after getting into a fight with a fellow passenger. In the video, you can hear Banks call the flight attendant a gay slur, according to HuffPost.She later tweeted about the incident, writing, "I don't care. I've said it before and I'll say it again."Banks' history with the word doesn't stop there. In 2016, she used the word to attack fellow singer Zayn Malik on Twitter, leading to the deactivation of her account. She has also called the LGBTQ community "the gay white KKK. Get some pink hoods and unicorns and rally down rodeo drive."In 2016, however, she announced she is never using the gay slur again. "The amount of people that get hurt when I use the word vs. the amount of people I've said it to are just not worth it," she wrote on Facebook. "Honestly... This isn't a cop-out, it's just me realizing that words hurt. and while I may be immune to every word and be thicker skinned than most, it doesn't mean that I get to go around treating people with the same toughness that made my skin so thick."

11. Drake Bell received backlash after posting a transphobic tweet. He later called the remarks "thoughtless." When Caitlin Jenner came out as transgender in 2015, Nickelodeon actor and singer Drake Bell tweeted, "Sorry...still calling you Bruce." After receiving backlash, he deleted the tweet and then posted another, misgendering Jenner. "I'm not dissing him! I just don't want to forget his legacy! He is the greatest athlete of all time," Bell tweeted. "Chill out!" After that, he tweeted out an apology. "I sincerely apologize for my thoughtless insensitive remarks," Bell wrote. "I in no way meant to hurt or demean those going through a similar journey. Although my comments were made in innocence, I deeply regret the negative effect they've had on so many."

Here are some tweets that were mentioned earlier (I couldn't find all of them)

So... yeah

[strayycarrot]

Take care of you - Chapter 2 (Seventeen Hoshi X reader)

Words: 1961

Genre: Fluff? I don’t even know anymore

Warnings: y/n murders someone in this chapter, but it’s not graphic. Also, y/n interacts with a pedophile, so that might be a trigger for some?

Notes: This is strongly inspired by Criminal Minds. I’m sorry, I’ve been watching that show too much.

You had known that he wouldn’t stop. You had tried to intimidate the asshole but he just couldn’t help himself.

You watched as he watched. You gritted your teeth when he stood up and walked over to a little girl on a swing. You couldn’t hear what he said, but you saw her nod and he began to push her on the swing. To anyone else, this would have looked harmless, just a dad or an uncle having a fun time with his daughter or niece. But you knew better. He was a coward. He attacked only those who couldn’t defend themselves.

You could easily call the police right now, turn over your information to them and they would make sure he went away forever.

But that wasn’t what you were being paid for. For your employers, a life sentence wasn’t nearly enough punishment for those monsters. You were paid to make them pay. Your employers were parents, teachers, neighbors, the ones with enough anger to stop caring about the law, the ones who didn’t trust the system.

Once, you had been one of them. But you’d decided that you couldn’t just sit around and watch. You had to protect the innocent.

And that was why you were at the park today, your eyes focused on the middle aged man in overalls talking to the little girl with blonde pigtails. Nobody else knew what his search history looked like. Nobody else knew that he routinely watched his neighbor's kids playing in the yard. It was your responsibility to stop him.

The bastard took the little girl’s hand and led her towards his truck. You stood up and followed them, trying to draw as little attention to yourself as possible.

He was showing her his dog, a golden retriever. He had used this ruse several times, but you had never caught him in the act before.

“Hey sweetie, your mom is looking for you.” You smiled at her brightly, and she ran back to the playground. The immediate danger had been eliminated, but the monster in front of you was still breathing. He shouldn’t be allowed to breathe.

“Why don’t we go for a ride, Sam?” You got into the passenger seat of his van without waiting for a response.

He sat down next to you.

“Who the fuck are you?”, he asked.

You smiled.

“That’s not important. The real question is: are you going to stop harassing minors, or do I have to use what’s in this bag to convince you?”

He laughed.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Now get the hell out of my car!”

“I don’t think you want me to do that.” You calmly unzipped your bag and pulled out your phone. 

“There is a bomb under your seat. By sitting down, you armed it. One wrong move, and this entire car blows up. Now I can leave, like you said, and let you die, or you can tell me where Miriam is, and I will disarm the bomb. It’s your choice.”

You leaned back and closed your eyes.

“You think I’d believe you? You’re what, twelve? There’s no fucking bomb. Now get out!”

You sighed and reached the phone under his seat. You snapped a photo and showed him the device you had planted there earlier.

“Just tell me where she is, Sam. I don’t have all day.” Technically you did, but Miriam didn’t. She needed her insulin. She would die if you didn’t get to her in time.

“You’re not with the police are you?”

You shook your head. “But you’re going to wish I was.”

“Look I don’t know how you found me, or what you think I did -“

“- cut the crap, Sam”, you interrupted him. “I know you have her. Where is Miriam?”

You could tell he was weighing his options.

“If you kill me, you’ll never find her.” He smirked.

“That won’t do you any good, buddy. I will track her down eventually. You, on the other hand, are stuck. You don’t really have a choice.” You returned the same smirk. Sam’s forehead was covered in sweat.

“Who the devil are you?”

“I’m nobody. Call me whatever you want. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is, do you want to live or die?”

Minutes later you walked away, an address in your head and Sam screaming at you, still in the car. Thankfully he waited until you were far enough away before he tried to get out. You’d never planned on defusing the bomb. He deserved to die. The children in the area wouldn’t have been safe if he survived.

Half an hour later you kicked in the door of the cabin. It took you a while but you finally found her, tied to a chair and barely alive. Relief surged through you when you found her pulse, faint but definitely there. You were not too late.

“Come on, sweetie”, you whispered, cradling Miriam in your arms. “ Let’s get you home to your mommy and daddy.”

Onto the next job, you thought, wishing things always turned out this well.

“Nobody can know about this.” The man sitting across from you was whispering, even though there was nobody else in the house.

You raised your eyebrows.

“Confidentiality comes without saying in this line of work.” You leaned forward. “You give me a name and I’ll make him go away. You give me half the money now, half later. Deal?”

He fidgeted in his seat.

“It’s a she, not a he. I’ve seen obsessed fans before, but this one…”

He took a crumpled piece of paper out of his jacket pocket and flattened it out for you to read.

“She taped this to the hotel door. I don’t want her anywhere near them again.”

You focused on the message on the paper.

“She’s been sending Hoshi letters like this one for more than a year. We asked the police for help, but they refuse to do a thing. Now she’s following us on the world tour. I’d like to hire you as a personal bodyguard for Hoshi. A friend of mine said you were very… efficient.”

You looked up at the desperate man and frowned.

“I usually only take on cases with underage victims.”

You took a deep breath and thought about the cute guy you met less than a week ago, drunk and all alone and not at all safe. You’d helped him then. If you didn’t help him again now, then it would all be for nothing. Back then you’d had no idea that someone was stalking him. 

“Please! We can’t let this get any more out of hand. We already have bodyguards, but apparently that’s not good enough. I’m their manager, I’m supposed to keep them safe.”

You smile.

“Don’t worry sir, I will take care of it.”

“Good. Now let me introduce you to the boys.”

Two hours later you were standing in a cramped hotel room. Somehow, all thirteen of the members and their three manager had fit themselves into the small space, and they were all looking at you.

You focused on Hoshi.

“I’m going to need your phone, laptop, any tech you have used during the past year.”

Then you turned to the manager who had sought you out.

“I also need all the information you have on this woman. Every letter she’s sent, anything that might give us an idea about her identity.”

Hoshi jumped up from where he was sitting in the floor and you followed him to the next room. Wordlessly he pointed to the laptop on the bedside table, and went to his suitcase to look for something.

You plopped down on the bed, making sure not to let your feet touch the covers, and opened the laptop in front of you.

“The password is -”

“- ilovecarat1234?” You grinned.

“No! What? Of course not!” You looked at him over the shoulder. His face was bright red. You figured it was probably because he’d been staring at your butt.

“Yo! Over here!” His eyes snapped back to yours. “I was joking. I don’t need your password.”

And with that, you took your trusty magical usb stick out of your jeans pocket and stuck it into the slot on the side. Not a minute later, Hoshi’s home screen popped up. You felt Hoshi come up beside you.

“Are you a magician?”

You laughed.

“Something like that. And that’s why I will never reveal my secrets.”

“No, you’ll just stick your nose in mine”, he mumbled.

You sat up quickly and grabbed his arm just as he was turning away.

“This is my job. If I could help you in any other way, trust me I would. But you’re in danger, and I have to do whatever is necessary to change that.”

He nodded and went back to his suitcase. So far, he hadn’t let on that he recognized you. Maybe he didn’t remember you. After all, he’d been drunk, and then hungover. Now that you thought about it, this was the first time you saw the real Hoshi, able to think clearly and make sensible decisions. You wondered why he had gone to that club all alone if he knew that someone was stalking him.

You decided that you weren’t going to mention the fact that you’d met him before unless he did. It was better to pretend you didn’t know the victim. You definitely couldn’t afford to get attached to him in any way.

You turned back to the laptop and scrolled through everything. There wasn’t anything important in here. You were sure it was important to him, but you couldn’t find a specific reason for someone to target him. He was talented, passionate, funny and kind. You already knew that though. Cat videos and movie reviews weren’t all that special. The only thing on this laptop that seemed unique were the notes he took for his choreographies. You leaned your head to the side. You had a feeling that his mind was very sharp, even though his notes were chaotic and confusing at best.

You sighed and closed the laptop.

“Find anything?”, you both asked at the same time.

“No”, you said. “I think the letters will shed more light on the situation.

“Right.” Hoshi sat down next to you. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“Why do you do what you do?”

You hesitated. You had heard that question before, but usually only from those who were in a position to understand exactly where you were coming from. Hoshi probably had no idea what kind of monsters lurked in the shadows.

“Someone has to do it.” You thought of Miriam, who would have died without you. “I take care of others. It’s what I do.”

“Don’t you have a family?”

You shrugged. “I don’t really like people.”

Hoshi laughed. “Yeah right.”

“I’m serious! You never really truly know anyone. I mean how many people have, unknowingly, lived with a serial killer? I just can’t let my guard down like that.”

“That’s sad.”

You rolled your eyes. “Don’t throw me a pity party. We don’t have time for that.”

At that moment, the door opened and you were in front of Hoshi in less than a second.

“Just me”, the manager called out, holding up a stack of letters. “I got your reading material right -“

“Oh my god! Hoshi turn on channel 7!” One of the other boys, Joshua?

Hoshi grabbed the remote and turned on the news. The volume was turned down, but you didn’t need to hear in order to grasp what was going on. Someone had been murdered. An idol. And, judging from the look on Hoshi’s face, it was someone he knew.

[tuwasduwillst]

ch6

who the hell are you

i don’t know what any of that was about, but okay.

would you stop blowing things up?? what is even the point

Shuichi and the others decide to try to go talk to him and get him to stop.

stop blowing things up!!

he says he wants to destroy the school to end the killing game.

well that’s just rude.

they try to convince him that they can stop it together and that there’s still hope; Shuichi says there could still be somewhere for them to go, though he’s mostly just basing that on what Kaito told them before his execution about someone watching.

still, though, that possibility is their hope. they still have things to investigate in the school; they can’t just give up now.

great, thanks, now that you’ve blown half the place up you’re willing to stop and cooperate. couldn’t have just spoken to everyone before the explosions, noooo.

he says he’ll wait until dawn. what gives you the right to place a time limit on them?? 

once it hits dawn he says he’ll end the killing game and kill himself? okay

Monokuma shows up and says that the killing game is eternal and can’t be stopped.

also, destroying school property like that is ~an act of mutiny~. so now Kiibo’s going to have to fight off Monokuma and his stupid “kubs”. u_u

at least they’ll be distracted while Shuichi and the others poke around, i guess. still, what the heck. the guy just starts blowing things up without speaking to anyone else about it... geez... how inconsiderate...

Shuichi, Maki, Tsumugi, and Himiko all go into the school and decide to try to find the actual mastermind, because they think there could be someone in the school controlling things. they all split up, but before Shuichi can leave the school’s entrance--

a hole in the floor in front of him is created by some of the damage to the building.

what

staircase in the hole!

aw. i was wondering where it was, since it hadn’t shown up yet...

since there’s damage to the door, Shuichi can get in.

o: 

Shuichi looks around and most of his comments are “this seems comical” or “this seems like a kid’s idea of what an evil organization would have”

he won’t play with the RC helicopter :(

...not that he has time to, but.

Shuichi finds this book about the history of Hope’s Peak. Maki shows up while he’s looking at it and he asks her to tell him what she remembers about the history of the academy. she sighs, but she does it.

what she says is what he remembers as well, but it doesn’t match the book, and the book is apparently the most accurate account of the school’s history.

you can’t keep what you found from me, that’s unfair! i want to know now too :(

well, whatever he discovered, he decides he needs to go to Kokichi’s room and figure out more about him, since he found this book in his lab.

...don’t the rooms lock after the person dies?

what the heck

Shuichi’s remembering some kid asking him if he’s part of the Gofer Project; Shuichi says he’s not because he’s just a normal high school student. the kid was convinced all the kids were still alive despite the fake funeral thing and he was calling them ~heroes~.

oh, it was a delayed flashback light thing from the one Monokuma used after the trial. Maki apparently also remembered something like that.

time to go to Kokichi’s room! which i guess isn’t locked, because they get in easily.

awww, the whiteboard is too tiny to see on Tumblr. it’s funny, though--he’s got “annoying” written by the “kubs”, “suspicious” by Maki, “trustworthy!” by Shuichi (aw)*, and “weird” by Kiibo.

--oh no, i accidentally hit it away! D: come back, whiteboard!

* or it’s “trustworthy?”, i can’t tell. either way it’s cute

is that a lightsaber

Shuichi says they don’t have time to look through them, but Maki says she’ll do it. that way Shuichi can keep looking at the rest of the room.

speaking of the rest of the room, Kokichi had a bunch of stuff from the past murders. i was kind of wondering where that stuff goes after the investigation... and Shuichi commented on the missing inner tube after Kirumi’s trial.

Shuichi finds one of the motive videos on Kokichi’s bed and decides to play it. he doesn’t think it’ll be Kokichi’s video, but he wants to check it out.

it is his, though!

cuuuute

once Shuichi’s done seeing that, Maki tells him he can go and she’ll keep looking through the blueprints, because they rely on Shuichi most in situations like these. before he goes, though, she wants him to look at something she found.

it’s like a scavenger hunt! let’s go!

Maki thinks it’s probably just a prank, but Shuichi thinks it needs to be checked out. i agree, let’s goooo

oh, good, this is the right place. i had no idea what that note meant by “garden”.

huh.

Shuichi has another flashback before he leaves this area.

oh, good, Shuichi thought it was stupid as well.

anyway, the reason is ~*hope*~. you guys in the DR universe have serious problems when it comes to “hope” and “talent”.

Kiibo also had a flashback, so he ends up crashing through the roof of the area Shuichi’s in. he offers to destroy Rantarou’s lab’s door so Shuichi can get in there and check it out.

Kiibo does that and then tells Shuichi he’ll help him get anywhere he needs to go. even the place behind the bookshelf? o:

well, first: Rantarou’s lab.

ooh, roses. Himiko shows up, having heard the sound of Kiibo blasting the door.

uhhh... no.

weird zodiac vault...

the HORSE

what the... really.

and there’s a laptop on the table, so...

one file on there and it’s a video. oh, it’s Rantarou’s weird video, but now i get to see the whole thing.

one part of it was the video.

was there something special about his Monopad?

Rantarou got blocked from saying something in the video.

what kind of ultimate survivor gets lured over by a camera’s flash?

Shuichi thinks the mastermind knew his identity and that’s why he died.

another flashback!

Shuichi’s school friends: u gonna fuck some hot girls in space, bro??

yeah that’s definitely what Shuichi’s main concern and priority was

once the flashback is over, Himiko says she’ll check for whatever the other part of Rantarou’s perk was so that Shuichi can continue moving. Tsumugi approaches him just as he’s decided to go to the bookcase room--apparently there’s a new room by Kaito’s lab that opened up due to the destruction, so Shuichi has to check that out first.

it’s the room they were all asleep in.

there’s a thing on the table that apparently has all their information in it. Tsumugi noticed something she wants Shuichi to see.

and Tsumugi is worried about that because Junko also had a twin sister.

what, is it like a rule in the DR universe that if you have a set of twins one of them has to be evil??? no. Shuichi makes a note of it just in case it’s relevant.

now it’s time to go to the library.

Maki’s down there and she has something she found in Kokichi’s room that she wants Shuichi to look at.

bugvac...

Miu apparently made a prototype version of it. it works, but there’s nothing in there.

Himiko shows up--she didn’t find anything in Rantarou’s room. Shuichi wonders if someone took whatever he’d had.

they decide to check out the hidden door, but one of the Exisals shows up before they can even really get close to it.

good.

then he blasts open the door.

good idea!

well, here’s the room.

they start talking about the mastermind and Monokuma’s voice speaks up, saying it’s time for the “last boss”.

hey, it’s an ugly Monokuma head.

i’m not calling you that.

it claims to be able to make Monokumas, so everyone demands that it do it right now. it doesn’t.

hey, it’s Rantarou’s thing!

he had a map that had every single space labeled, including this secret room!

he was also told about the Monokuma spares, which is probably why he was trying to get into the hidden door that one time.

Maki goes to get the pictures of Rantarou from Kokichi’s room so they can figure out what’s up with the blood on this Monopad.

and what kind of idiot leaves it in the trash? surely there was somewhere better to leave that thing.

Kaede’s vest?

Shuichi gets another flashback, this time of when Monokuma first showed up and erased his memories before the killing game started.

Himiko tells Shuichi she’ll keep looking here, so he can go somewhere else to investigate more.

Shuichi and Tsumugi leave the room, but after they do the fight between Kiibo and the Exisal causes the hidden room to be blocked by rubble, trapping Himiko inside.

Shuichi says they’ll have to leave her there for now (Kiibo doesn’t want to risk hurting her by blasting it away) and continue their investigation.

oh, weird, the timer ran out and then it just gave me a huge chunk of time while keeping me in the same place.

since i wasn’t sure why it ran out and thought it might be due to my typing, i had to stop for a bit.

Shuichi found a way to make flashback lights in one of the classrooms; it let him pick from several different versions of memories and then spat out a flashlight into a locker in the room. when the door gets opened, the room goes back to normal.

Himiko found a hidden passage to the secret room; it’s not on Rantarou’s perk map.

Shuichi thinks he’s found enough to figure things out.

Monokuma agrees to the trial because it’s more interesting than fighting Kiibo. he warns them that there will be consequences if they don’t accomplish what they’re aiming for, but everyone left is prepared to accept that. they know they can finish this.

Monokuma makes Kiibo’s gear get removed before the trial starts, and when he shows up again, he’s got his ahoge back.

apparently the Monokubs put it back because he asked them to repair him.

what if every ahoge was secretly an antenna

Maki has the bugvac with her, so Kiibo asks to take a look at it. apparently he can zoom in on things now.

why bother making them in the shape of tiny Monokumas with cameras!

aw, it’s kind of cute.

apparently they function as a hivemind and they’re swarming all over the place. what the heck.

they bring up Kokichi using the electrobomb before.

haha.

although, Tsumugi... well. it doesn’t matter right now. we’ll see what happens in the trial.

...i feel like i’ve accidentally spelled her name as “Tsugumi” in these posts before, uhh. oops. listen. ...her name is literally right there, why... i have no excuse...

trial time! the “kubs” already won’t shut up and i hate it. Monokuma asks Shuichi why he called this trial.

gotta go back to that first case! he’s found new evidence and thinks that someone else was responsible for the murder, not Kaede.

did he become the ultimate survivor after that? what was he before that, then...

anyway, reviewing things! they thought Rantarou was the only one in the library at the time he was murdered, but that isn’t necessarily true.

someone was in the hidden room. someone had to have taken Rantarou’s Survivor Perk Monopad away from him after his death.

ughh, the bearsss

you tell ‘em, Shuichi.

they argue that he just didn’t have it with him, but the photo of Rantarou clearly shows him holding it.

regarding the timing, the mastermind would’ve known exactly what was happening in the library due to the tiny... Nanokumas? i think that’s what they were calling them.

Monokuma claims the Monopad got taken back just because it was meant for Rantarou’s eyes only, so after he died, it was removed. he says it’s not relevant, though, because this is about Rantarou’s murder itself.

Shuichi says that the mastermind was the one that killed Rantarou, though.

i still can’t believe it was just put in the trash can. who does that.

ughhh, i want to care about this trial but i really dislike those stupid bear cubs. just blow them all up already, they ruin everything

anyway... Shuichi says that Kaede’s shot put ball missed, so the mastermind had to fix it in order to keep the game going. that means that Kaede was executed for a murder she didn’t commit.

and now they’re trying to figure out who the mastermind is. Himiko suggests it was a 17th person, but:

it said that the person comes to the hidden room often, so they weren’t always there. if it was someone that had to stay completely hidden, it seems unlikely that they’d risk that.

there’s also the flashback light classroom--it reverts to a normal one when the door is opened. if they were just a 17th person, they could just use their own room for stuff like that.

the unfortunate truth that reveals is that the mastermind is one of them. Maki says it’s possible it’s not one of them right there; Kiibo agrees, saying the mastermind could have faked their death.

in order to really know who the mastermind is, Shuichi needs to know who killed Rantarou. which means he needs to go over everyone’s alibis again.

Himiko and Maki were in the game room. Kiibo was in his room. and Tsumugi was in the dining hall, but she left to go to the bathroom.

the bathroom that has the ~secret passage~. since the card reader dust was still there, that passageway is the only way the culprit could have gotten into the hidden room at that time.

etc.

Tsumugi denies that it’s her, saying it was just a coincidence that she was in the bathroom.

the trial continues and Shuichi points out that Tsumugi is the only one that didn’t try to command the “Motherkuma” to give birth to more Monokumas. she specifically told it to “create” more; it only works if the mastermind tells it to “birth” more.

why.

anyway, Shuichi doesn’t want to think Tsumugi is the mastermind. he’d prefer if she could refute what he’s saying. he wants everyone’s help and cooperation to find the truth.

Tsumugi isn’t saying anything to defend herself; they all want her to say anything that would prove her innocence.

Monokuma tells Shuichi to do the manga thing.

“wtf”

gotta be honest, i wouldn’t just stand around staring up if this happened, i’d immediately be backing away.

she has nothing to say to defend herself, though, all she says is that she didn’t do it and it’s obvious their logic is flawed. point out the flaws, then! participate!

no

no! get out of here

go away!

u_u

Shuichi says the trial is over; Monokuma covered up what she did and the whole game is illegitimate. 

she admits she messed up there, but that’s about it. the others start asking about the people watching.

the only reason she cared about things being exciting or the rules was just to replicate the original feel of the killing game.

Shuichi doesn’t believe that. that’s what they remember, but that doesn’t make it true. he brings up the book and asks everyone to say what they remember about Hope’s Peak and its history.

oh, that’s what was bothering him. and the other things... oh, this isn’t hard at all, even with my terrible memory. nice.

Shuichi brings up Rantarou--he said he’d won a previous killing game in his tape, but he’s not one of the students from Junko’s other games they know about.

he also has suspicions about Kokichi. they all assumed he was a Remnant of Despair, but Shuichi doesn’t think that’s true.

i never thought that was true, it didn’t make sense... idk why they were so convinced he was. is it because he lied all the time?? ...i mean i guess he did lie about being the mastermind and set up a murder and stuff, so it’s kind of understandable... and they had a memory of it or whatever.

anyway, Shuichi brings up Kokichi’s motive video and his organization.

it only had 10 people in it, too.

Shuichi talks about the flashback lights and the thing that makes them.

they “implant” memories and i don’t like the hangman’s gambit thing, geez.

the memories being false means that nothing they learned from the flashback lights matters. so even their memories about being students at Hope’s Peak...

okay, well, i apologize for being rude to Naegi before, then. if that plan isn’t real then it’s fine.

anyway, the reason she had them remember Kokichi as a Remnant of Despair is because she wanted to get rid of him; with them remembering Hope’s Peak as well, they’d be likely to target him, like Maki did.

all of the lights served a purpose like that--pushing them to do one thing or another, or feel a certain way about things.

Shuichi wants to know who this “Junko” is.

get out of there

THE SONG IS BACK

oh, good, it stopped. also, uhh, you’re kind of... drooling.

DR reveals the truth: cosplayers are evil

Shuichi brings up the whole “cospox” thing.

Megumi Ogata! <3

uhhh, right, actual game stuff is happening.

that’s stupid.

no u

no, it’s just stupid.

that doesn’t even make sense

“Sakura is my muscle waifu”

same tho

except i’d never use the word “waifu” ever, even ironically

so anyway this game really doesn’t want you to actually care about it, huh.

hey that ugly kid is there

you can’t mix Roman numerals and Arabic numerals like that

you know, if you’re sick of making these games or you’re bored or something, you don’t have to keep doing it.

well gee, if people want to watch teenagers murder each other in a game like this, i guess there’s just no choice but to continue making it happen

blllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhh

oh, hey! did you know i’m getting my passport today? i’ve never had one before, so i’m kind of nervous i’m going to mess up the application or something. i think it’ll be okay in the end, but i’m still a little worried. i’m really excited to go to Japan in May, though!

i’ve never even been outside of the US before, so that also makes me a little nervous, but i’ll be with my sister and her boyfriend, so i think it’ll be fine. i do need to make sure i keep studying Japanese, though, because i’m the only one that knows enough to have a conversation or read anything.

we’ll just be wandering around in Tokyo for the ~9 days we’re there, because we don’t want to wander too far and end up being lost or something. there’s plenty to do there, though! i want to eat a crepe~ which offends my sister because she’s been to France and had French crepes, but Japanese ones always look so good... and i’ve never been to France, so it’s not like i’ll know the difference.

in 53 seasons? really? what the hell were they doing

but i was talking about Japan. anyway! yeah, it should be pretty fun. i’m trying to save up as much money as i can. i’m not sure how much i should bring with me, but IIRC they still don’t really use cards much over there.

my sister is going to just withdraw cash whenever she needs it because apparently the conversation rate is better that way, so maybe that’s what i’ll mostly do as well. right now we’re looking at a place in Shibuya to stay at and it’s pretty close to a lot of really convenient things!

money aside, i kind of worry about public transportation. we don’t really use much of it here and it can be tricky to figure out, y’know? though with all the apps and technology around these days, it’ll probably be fine.

you can’t mess with me by using a piano~ you already did that once~

oh! there’s a really cute cafe that sells doughnuts that look like animals in Tokyo! we’re going to try to find it, but apparently it’s in a kind of hard-to-find place. the doughnuts are sooo cute, though.

oh, it finished.

sure, why not.

“ultimate real fiction” just sounds stupid

what was i talking about before? oh yeah, the doughnuts. honestly, i think the food will be a highlight of the trip, i am so ready to try new things and hopefully like them despite how picky i can be.

i think sometime before the trip i might go to one of those all-you-can eat Japanese places with my sister, just so we can try some things we've never had and make sure we're okay eating them. brand new things are fine to try, but you also don't want to get sick or just waste money on food during a trip like that...

i hate fish, so i know that's going to limit me a lot. i think other than fish the most common meat is chicken, though, so that should be fine? and i can have vegetable dishes or whatever, too.

hmmm... i ran out of things to say.

i just chose the option that appeared in front of me, don’t bring me into this. i'm done

hopebot

she wins: they get to live at the school forever Keebo wins: they have to finish the game and only two get to "graduate"

this post won't even let me stick any images in here anymore, so i guess i'm going to have to describe everything.

Kiibo volunteers to sacrifice himself so ~hope can win~. Maki also volunteers to sacrifice herself.

Shuichi starts talking about how he rejects that hope, blah blah, Kiibo's like "noooo despair can never be better"

Shuichi says that the people watching want hope, which is why this game keeps continuing and they ignore everything they suffer through to get this point. so if they choose hope here, they're just giving them what they want and it'll never end.

Shuichi wants to know what kind of punishment Maki and Kiibo will get. if it's what he's thinking, everything makes sense, including why Rantarou would participate in another game like this.

the punishment is to participate in the next game; Rantarou must have sacrificed himself last time, which is why he wanted to win this game. so if they choose "hope" here, the game won't end.

he decides he's not going to vote. if no one votes, the audience will hate it. he's done playing.

Shuichi gets the other three to agree and all of them decide to just stop. the audience doesn't like that and decide Kiibo's personality needs to be erased.

Shuichi says he's going to change the outside world, since they're why that happened to Kiibo.

okay i'm sick of not having screenshots, i'm going to do something

(click here for the secret end of the game post)

[tearlessrain]

okay, I have a spare afternoon and a freshly made batch of guacamole I need to hide from my roommate because I only had one avocado and that is not enough to share. time to ruin it by watching Maximum Ride.

aw sad bird child. okay she looks nothing like the description in the book but she is adorable. why does the old guy look so much like Sad Island Luke.

listen I’m gonna be honest and say I barely remember the plot of the books and have no idea who anyone is. I remember who Ari is and like three of the bird children

why would the nicknames they (if I remember right, see above) gave eachother be on their official forms

oh god down we go into Voiceover Exposition Hell

... that is not a tomboyish fourteen year old girl.

... that is NOT a fourteen year old boy

seriously she looks like liv from izombie

um. did his wings get cut off. why is his back like that. where are her wings. why are they acting like it’s a big secret nobody is watching this who didn’t read the books we’re just here to see mediocre cgi wings. you have one job, movie. don’t screw up your one redeeming quality.

omg small child is adorable. he’s also the best actor by far for some reason. not that the bar was high but like this kid can actually act

why are they like. going out if their way to make max as unlikable as possible. I dislike her almost as much as light turner.

description of iggy I recall reading: pale, light-haired, fine-boned, somewhat calm and serious

description of max I recall reading: dark-haired, relatively sturdy build for a bird child, blunt and outspoken

so why am I seeing literally the exact opposite????

I just really, really hate her she hasn’t displayed a single redeeming quality or resemblance to her book counterpart

fifteen minutes in and still no sign of wings aka the only thing that would make this movie even slightly watchable

“I know you think max doesn’t care, but she does” are you sure about that fang because we’re almost a fifth of the way into the movie of which she’s the titular character and she has yet to display even one single emotion

wait that’s iggy sorry they both have the generic white boy haircut and dress similar

why did they give iggy all of max AND fang’s distinctive/interesting traits

less than one minute later: “you’re wrong to think max doesn’t care, she does” okay so like... you know the part of editing where you go through and look for superfluous lines and remove them? I THINK THEY FORGOT TO DO THAT.

god it’s like listening to a bioware dialogue tree

the only plot this movie has had so far is “nobody can go outside and everyone has to keep quiet” and now you all come pouring out of the house and start yelling the instant something suspicious happens. okay.

WINGS. FINALLY.

it wasn’t even a dramatic reveal though it was literally just schwoop there she goes

oh that’s some hobbit-level cgi oh dear

you know if you don’t have the budget to make decent wings and show them more often you shouldn’t be making a maximum ride movie that’s the only reason anyone is even here. seriously, one job.

oh my god ari I’m dying what did they do to his character design holy shit that’s bad

wHY ARE THESE CHILDREN BETTER ACTORS THAN THEIR OLDER COUNTERPARTS

WHAT IS THIS 80S MUSIC VIDEO OVERLAY EDITING

lasto beth nin, tolo dan nan galad

her face is just slowly rotating closer please stop.

i don’t want it.

what did that accomplish

aaand max continues to be a passenger in her own movie while fang and iggy take all the initiative

such dramatic. very slo mo. wow.

I love how they were so confident in their writing ability that they thought they could made the wings an afterthought

paul ari you is a wirwulf

I’m sorry nobody is going to get that it’s a mystery science theater reference

okay know what we should just rename the movie “Iggy” because he’s literally the only one who’s done anything useful or interesting

omg ari did the Shan Yu Punch out of the ground amazing

okay those wings are in no way sufficient to lift a child. even a child with hollow bones and whatever other bullshit physiology. they aren’t much longer than arms, you don’t even need to worry about being cumbersome when folded because they apparently just vanish magically so why not go for it. seriously, you had ONE JOB.

“stop.” thank you fang that’s just what I was about to say to her. but I think you meant “stop being irrational about this particular thing” whereas I meant “stop talking forever please and thank you”

you do NOT have enough chemistry or nuance for this much dialogue-free face closeup content, movie. when I said stop talking I meant stop the WHOLE scene containing the talking.

you know that “lemon stealing whores” porn intro that became a meme? that’s the quality of acting I’m looking at here. I’m not exaggerating that’s the vibe I get from her.

ah the ol’ “convenient nearby sexual assault” trope, hallmark of a writing team who forgot to give their protagonist a personality or redeeming qualities and are desperately trying to make up for it too late.

here comes fang in all his music video quality cgi slo mo glory to once again render max utterly superfluous

the funny thing is in any other movie I would kind of hate him but the baseline is max so he seems all right

it’s been 40 minutes and like three things have happened

okay I know normally in these liveblogs I’m yelling “show don’t tell” but that only works if what you’re showing has any internal consistency or meaning, if I just wanted to watch a bunch of disjointed scenes sometimes in slow motion I’d watch Koyaanisqatsi because at least they did it well. movie, please stop showing me things.

speaking of internal consistency they keep going wildly off model on the wings, they keep changing size/shape, now they look like they’re made of bendy wire how hard is it to google bird anatomy. YOU HAD. ONE. JOB.

how is she this bad at acting. I’m just looking on in awe now.

oh fang you’re a saint for putting up with her but you should have just left her in the house and taken over the movie

THE DIALOGUE IS SO BAD. “how’s you’re shoulder?” “fine......................................................... seriously, that’s all you’re going to say?” HE DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING

this is just such a bizarrely disjointed mess

no. no please don’t kiss I don’t want to see it and it definitely didn’t happen in the book

thank god

omg it was iggy, finding yet another way to save the movie

oh stop trying to make her out to be all heroic and shit now, you wasted half the movie making this bed now lie in it and make someone else the protagonist. how about iggy, who has a personality and does things and stopped the unnecessary romance subplot in its tracks. the boy’s a hero.

only 30 minutes to go I can do this

I’m not even mad about the bullshit science because every other component of the movie is somehow even worse

“you were his favorite” FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY SHE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES

actually scratch that SHE HAS NO QUALITIES SHE’S JUST THERE

flashback to the comparatively talented child actors time again

what was the point of that flashback though, you’re just relaying the exact information fang just told everyone with no new contributions. I didn’t say show AND tell ffs.

I don’t even know what to say about ari he’s just generally hilarious

okay we get it the ringing is loud, you have established this into the ground now please stop

okay good nobody’s talking Imma just take my earbuds out until it’s over

finally

and they’re back in their weird, economically inefficient cage arrangement again. oh no.

seriously why are all the children better actors like where did they find these children. moreover where did they find such terrible adults.

here comes woverine’s obnoxious metalhead little brother again

OKAY, WE KNOW IT’S JEB, YOU CAN STOP BUILDING UP TO IT NOW

please stop talking I beg you this is painful

“I brought you to the house so you could develop physically and emotionally” and I assume they brought her back because that part of the experiment was a complete failure

okay listen the pacing and editing in this movie is awful. it’s so slow. they pause for at least three seconds between every single line of dialogue and it feels like they’re doing that because they’re trying to cover for the fact that they have absolutely nothing to say. this conversation could last half as long as it is. and the editing isn’t even interesting it’s just “headshot headshot fullbody distance shot from the side repeat” even if the actors were good this scene would be boring as all fuck.

[monotone exposition]

[more exposition]

[badly emoted emotional response]

there now imagine that repeated several times over and you’ve watched the entire, I shit you not, seven minute scene.

so she walked out of the room calmly and voluntarily right past ari and then we cut to ari aggressively wrestling her back in the economically inefficient cage room

why is he talking like batman

why are they all looking to her for leadership she’s shown zero leadership

MAKE IGGY THE LEADER MAKE IGGY THE LEADER DEPOSE MAX

bit late to establish a new villain with no precedent in your already disjointed movie isn’t it?

p l e a s e stop with these establishing shots

asdfkdgs she punched him in the chest and his head jerked to the side miscommunication

once again that went on longer than it needed to I think we’ve identified this movie’s fatal flaw

one of them

the other is max’s acting

and the ratio of wings to literally anything else

everything that’s occurred in this movie could have happened in thirty minutes tops

running running running

with no indication of how far apart they are or where they’re going of course so there’s absolutely no tension

wha

omg she’s still standing there fucks sake learn pacing

“so what now” “I dunno” LEADERSHIP

oh goodness oh no she has passed out I guess we’ll just have to make Iggy the leader such a shame

you know even in the book I remember liking Iggy a lot. he was a wildly different character from the little I recall but I do know I liked him.

they flashed back to the entire movie sped up and it took less than a minute which I think says a lot about how little happened in this movie

oh no enough romantic tension

S T O P

I was at least expecting a final dramatic group takeoff since they’re a bunch of BIRD PEOPLE standing on the edge of a CLIFF and all, but I guess the cgi budget ran out so we end with the bird children just standing on the ground in a group to dramatic music.

YOU

HAD

ONE

JOB

fuck this I feel cheated but at least it’s over.

[k-hiphopshit]

Enjoy The Drive (Jay Park x Reader)

Requested by anonymous. I know it’s not exactly like the song Drive but It is inspired by it, I hope it’s what you wanted. Enjoy!

Being in a relationship with someone like Jay was never easy, but it was worth it. You were a bit of a handful, that also means you are fun to be around, you could go from roasting someone to dancing in the middle of the road and eating like you've never seen food before. That's why Jay was interested in you, he met you from your best friend Giant Pink, you and her were inseparable when you were young, your dad was African American and your mom was Korean so your dad worked with her dad at the casino in the management department. You tried to visit her from time to time when she moved from Busan to Seoul, you were her number one fan and she was your support system. When you announced that you found a job in Seoul she got super excited and as soon as you moved she introduced you to everyone she knows, so she can make you feel welcome and that you have friends.

One of those friends was Jay, the first thing he noticed was your appearance, your choice of clothes was pretty over the top, so when you showed up with a fury red coat and leather shorts with boots that reached your knee, he had to notice you. What also caught him completely off guard was that when you took off your coat, both of your arms were pretty much covered in tattoos, the designs were beautiful and that's when he decided to get to know you. He slowly made steps to get on your good books, he wasn't even sure if this could work between you, he knew his flaws and how overwhelming his life could get, so he took it super slow, let you adjust and see if you also respond to his flirting.

"hello babe"

He started calling you that a few days before, it was the last step before he took the decision to ask you out, he wanted to see how you would reply to that nickname and luckily you liked it. He might not be sure but you were 100% crushing on him.

"Hey JJ"

you said before hugging him, he had invited you for lunch with the others, conveniently enough the only seat available was the one next to him. You had just clocked out from work so you were still in your pencil skirt and a white dress shirt and glasses, you didn't like wearing contacts at work.

"New shirt?"

"yeah, it was on sale and it goes well with the skirt"

"Nice, you look good"

He complimented, you smiled and touched his cheek. When you liked someone you were kind of awkward to taking their compliments, so you showed your gratitude by touch.

You ate and talked with the rest and after a couple of hours it was time to go home. Jay offered to take you, he knew you were saving to buy your dream car which means public transportation was your friend.

"thank you very much Jay"

"Before you go, I want to ask you something"

"what's wrong?"

You asked, as you closed the half open door of his car. Jay took a deep breath and opened his mouth

"I don't want us to be awkward with each other after this but... I like you and I would like to take you on a date"

".... tomorrow at 8pm, don't be late"

You kissed his cheek and left the car with the biggest smile on your face.

As the relationship progressed you fell more in love with him every day. He was kind, loyal, funny, caring, generous, hard worker, but he was also a public figure, which translates to you staying in the shadows and having to deal with every rumour and scandal in silence.

You could take the rumours, people would talk no matter what but he was pushing it, there was no reason of him posting the video of that girl, he could promote his music in other ways and you had not a single one of regret for confronting him.

He knew it was his fault, he was loyal and you were too, so he could understand how you felt. Not only you were mad at him, he also had a ton of stuff to handle, show me the money, asia got talent, approve budgets, take care of his artists, it was getting to him and the stress was pilling up. That made him feel even more lonely and miss you, you were always there when he needed you, to give him as much comfort you could, from cooking to giving him a massage or just simply being your silly self.

"I got to go, I won't be here in the morning"

He briefly informed the others while walking out the door. He had a plan, well it wasn't a plan it was an idea that he was praying it would walk. He got in one of the cars that you loved and drove outside of your house, with food and the biggest teddy bear he found at the store, he wasn't really the sappy guy but he had to bring the big guns and if that meant stuffing a life size teddy bear in a foreign car then so be it.he walked outside your apartment door and ringed the doorbell, hiding behind the bear who easily covered his body.

".... really?"

"hi (y/n) i'm baba the bear and Jay wants me to tell you that he is sorry"

He said in a high pitch voice, he heard your chuckle which was a good sign.

"Hi baba, do you want to come in?"

"no, i want you to come out"

"what?"

"just come with me"

Jay said in a normal voice, putting the bear down. You smiled and went to the side for Jay to come in and put the bear inside, while you put on your shoes and got your stuff.

"Milady"

he said as he opened the car door, showing you the seat and a fuck ton of Mcdonalds food. You almost screamed from happiness

"So far so good"

you said as you got in the car, taking th bags in your hands in order to not smash your food with your butt, he closed the door and quickly went to the drivers seat, starting the engine and taking off.

"Where are we going?"

"Time and patience young one, you will find out"

He informed you and just kept driving. You have to admit that you missed him, Jay was your partner and you chose to be with him for a reason, he was a great man and he did love you, sometimes too much and he did go to extremes often, like buying you very expensive stuff just for the hell of it,you understood where he was coming from, he wanted to make sure people that he cared for had what they wanted since he came of a lower class family, now he had the opportunity to take care of others.

"Why are we going away Jay?"

"Cause i was stressed, so I decided to take what's necessary. Food, phone, car and my girl"

"We haven't talked since-"

"I know" he cut you off " and I apologize, I didn't think of your side when I posted it and I know you kept your tongue back before, it wasn't just that video, it was all the stuff you decided to not say that made it big. I love you (y/n), you are my Beyonce, let's just enjoy the ride"

"Sounds good, my Jay Z.... but more handsome"

You ended up driving for hours, you found a good spot with a grat view and just stayed there, eating and listening to music.

"Do you feel better?"

"Yes, I always forget my stress when i'm with you"

Yeah... he was the one.

[thecheekybrunette]

Honestly, I actually like having a lot of information about something before I really get into it. So please, hit me with everything you've got, I really don't mind giant walls of text. :) BTS fandom introduction anon

tOkay, kid, well I guess I’ll give you a run down on each of my babies (MY BABIES). I am just gonna give a quick run down, but like... these are my perceptions, so some people might see them differently. And I am sure they see themselves somewhat differently. So. Take everything with a grain of salt. 

Seokjin/Jin: Seokjin is the oldest member of the group. At his most basic level, he’s known for liking the color pink, telling dad jokes, and being bad at dancing (though he’s gotten much better!). Fans of Seokjin tend to really love and support Seokjin, almost aggressively so, because he isn’t given many lines. And by many lines, I mean any lines. So it’s really hard to be a Jin fan, which is unfair because he’s great. Like, he’s head visual, so he’s the most objectively hot (lately people have been calling him ��Mr. Worldwide Handsome” because of a response to an interview question about all the attention he got at the Magenta Carpet). He does a really good job caring for the younger members. He’s the one who drove Jungkook to high school in the mornings, and Jimin has called him “mom” on multiple occasions. Also, he loves food. Like, first, he makes videos called “Eat Jin” where he just records himself eating. But also he’s a great cook. And like... he’s the kind of cook where it’s really intuition based. I feel like most Asian cooking isn’t really about recipes and more about feeling it out? But I’m still impressed during the rare opportunity I get to see him cook. He’s often shipped with Namjoon? And it’s like probably the most mutually agreed on ship, like I don’t know if it’s the most popular, but I don’t think anyone adamantly has ever disagreed with it. 

Yoongi/Suga: Okay, so Yoongi used to be my bias wrecker, and if anyone knows me, they know I’m loyal as hell to my biases, but like... I keep going back and forth between Yoongi and Namjoon because they’re both so great. But okay, so the thing about Yoongi is first, he’s an amazing rapper. I think Namjoon is more lyrically gifted, but I think Yoongi has a much better delivery if I’m being honest. You don’t have to understand what he’s saying to know how he’s feeling. His mixtape is straight bars, like fuck. Which is wild because Yoongi typically isn’t very expressive? He usually looks tired or bored, and he sounds tired or bored, all while giving these impressive one-liners. He’s got a dry, sarcastic sense of humor, that I’m obsessed with. He also is one of those people who acts grumpy when they’re secretly having a great time? So, like, a good moment of this was once the boys were all in Malaysia, and Yoongi was alone with the camera talking about the trip, saying all these good things like, “I really like it here. Did you know Malaysia doesn’t have any natural disasters? I think I will take my parents here.” And then as soon as other people shows up, he’s like, “Ugh, I guess it’s okay here, it’s not any better than any other resort I’ve been to.” LIKE WE ALL KNOW YOU’RE FULL OF BULLSHIT, YOONGI. He also cheats really blatantly during games. But he’s also super responsible? Like he watches over the money in the first Bon Voyage series. And he’s had to suffer a lot for his music. And he’s secretly the cutest little peanut ever, and you should love him, he deserves it.Also, he ships himself with Hoseok, so you should support their wonderful romance (I’m being a dweeb, but Yoongi really does make a big deal about it.)

Namjoon/Rap Monster/RM: My current bias wrecker. The love of my life. The leader of BTS. Namjoon is really lyrically gifted. He plays a big role in making most of BTS’s music. He has a baller mixtape. But I’m not here to talk about the musical genius that is Kim Namjoon (because I could go on for days). No. I need to talk about how big of a dork, Namjoon is. Because first, this kid is unbelievably klutzy. recently, he wasn’t able to dance in a concert because he stubbed his toe on a piece of hotel furniture and ripped off his pinkie toenail. Idiot. Also, I once watched him attempt to put on sunglasses and break them on his face. Just shattered them apart in his hands. He breaks everything he picks up. He breaks everything he leaves alone. He breaks the world. Once, he tried to cut an onion and did such a bad job that as a segment on a variety show, they asked him to cut an onion for the camera. Jin and Jimin had to step in to make sure he didn’t cut his fingers off. God bless. Also, okay, as the leader, he is so sweet about trying his best for the other members. He’s also not well known for dancing, but just like Jin, he’s doing much better! He and Jin usually get teased for having a relationship similar to a married couple. Also he was an underground rapper (so was Yoongi!) before BTS. Also he’s really obsessed with Ryan from Kakao! 

Hoseok/J-Hope/Hobi: I personally feel like Hoseok might be the most underrated member of BTS. Like... Jin doesn’t get recognition by the company, but I don’t feel like Hoseok gets recognition from the fans? But it’s more quiet. Idk. BOTH DESERVE MORE LOVE AND ATTENTION. ALL OF THEM DESERVE MORE LOVE AND ATTENTION. But okay, so that being said, Hoseok is the head dancer in BTS. He makes a lot of choreography decisions, and he’s also known as the “mood maker” of BTS, which is probably true. Like, Hoseok visibly cheers up the other members and he’s really vocal about supporting them, which is so cute. But when he’s mad, his mouth makes a triangle, and everyone is on edge. But because he’s usually pretty upbeat, he’s part of what’s called the “Sunshine Line” which is like... Hoseok, Taehyung, and Jimin, and it’s just the most smiley members of BTS. He’s also just like... so nice. And so funny. And I can’t emphasize how upbeat he is. Like fall in love with him, it’s easy. Also!!! He is same-age friends with Namjoon!!! And I just! Love! Their friendship! Please! Appreciate it! 

Jimin: Okay, the most precious wonderful, amazing boy in this world. Like, he has the cutest little baby hands, and the cutest little smile eyes, and the cutest little face. He’s short and he used to have super chubby cheeks, and he’s just an angel sent to us from above. (But also, don’t let him fool you, he’s kind of quick to be snappy or grumpy, and also he’s fast to make an innuendo or naughty joke, God bless. A demon in disguise.) Jimin used to be really insecure, and he’s still hard on himself. He also seems extroverted? And he talks a lot with the members, so I think it seems like he’s really outgoing, but you’ll see in interview and even on stage sometimes, he’s much shyer. He’s very nervous about performing, but does a bomb ass job, and like you’ll be surprised by how sexy this boy can be. Also he’s a phenomenal dancer and vocalist! 10/10 on both fronts.Also so you know in advance: Jimin used to love bothering Jungkook, and calling his name, and babying him, and being annoying. So a lot of people ship them together. But Jimin and Taehyung are also really close and same-age friends, so people ship them together. And people ship Taehyung and Jungkook together, so that’s a hot mess, and sometimes fans can get really angry about it. My advice if you want to ship within BTS is to ship everything, be impartial, and avoid the drama because it’s not worth it, especially when they’re all obviously close and best friends and none of them are actually dating. Also Yoongi/Jimin is a very popular pairing. It’s everywhere, but I don’t see it as much as some other people do? (But like I said, I multi-ship everything, so I’m not here to tell you it’s not a good ship. They all are. They’re all close, they’re all best friends, this is just for fun, and anything works.) 

Taehyung/V: THE VERY REASON I BREATHE. I THINK ABOUT HIM WHEN I’M AWAKE. WHEN I’M ASLEEP. ALL OF THE TIME. ALL OF THE TIME FOREVER. FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER. Okay, so Taehyung is the best, but he’s often gets distracted. When he’s talking or listening, you can literally see him stop paying attention and losing his place in the conversation. He makes weird comparisons. He finds weird things and carries them around. He’s a little out there, but in a really... eccentric, eclectic way? His style is super indicative of that. He’s into loud florals and cutting edge men’s fashion (but also he sometimes comes to events having just rolled out of bed in inside-out pants, so there’s that). Also he’s funny. Also he’s nice. Also he’s a cute little muffin, a muffin, a muffin, my baby. He’s really into jazz (he likes Chet Baker), and art (specifically Vincent Van Gogh and photography), and he’s learning to draw, and he’s a great actor who recently had a role in a K-Drama!I find myself having a difficult even talking about him because I’m too obsessed with him, so I’m just going to move on. But he’s really social, he makes lots of friends, and he’s both quiet and loud, like he has different personalities. Also if Taehyung starts crying, Jungkook will start crying, so watch out for that. (And Taehyung is kind of a crier, but to be fair, he’s having a crazy year.)

Jungkook: Head vocalist. Golden maknae. He’s the youngest of the group, and he’s bizarrely good at everything? Like once he had to take up archery for like... this little K-Pop olympics thing, and he got two bullseyes and one just outside the middle ring, like it was insane. He just picks up crap and is immediately good at it. He might be the youngest in the group, but he really likes acting older. Like, his favorite thing in the world (I CAN SEE IT IN HIS EYES) is when he beats the older boys at something and gets to give them a punishment, like I see you, Jungkook, I know you. I’m not sure if you follow me because you know BTS, but like... I think of him as Oikawa. Super talented. Super annoying. But even as I say that, he’s just... really objectively attractive. He’s also really adorable. He’s got little bunny teeth everyone says? So they’ll call him a bunny. He’s also usually everyone’s first favorite in BTS because he’s so good looking, and so good at everything, and has so many lines. But! It won’t take you long to realize he is a massive dweeb. He is really shy. He’s a muscle pig, he’s so strong. But like he’s dumb. Ugh. And he loves bowling? Like what a loser. I hate him. (But that’s a lie and I love him, I just refuse to admit it.) (But actually he says the cutest little things. Like once in this bon voyage episode, he was just like “I like this sweatshirt” and “I like hamburgers” and he just had all these happy things to say and he was holding hands with everyone, and like... a happy Jungkook is unreasonably adorable.) 

Okay, I need to stop talking, I hope this was in some way useful. 

[kayluh1915]

DISCLAIMER: This is all speculation and just my thoughts! None of this is to make light of whatever Anthony is going through (if anything) or as to why he’s REALLY doing what he’s doing! It’s just speculation to settle your and my nerves about what’s going on if only for a moment. THIS ENTIRE THING could be wrong and that’s fine, but it’s all just speculation, thoughts, and opinions that I HOPE are wrong! You’re free to disagree, just don’t be a dick! 

~Thanks! __________

I agree, but I also don’t. While I do think that Anthony has changed and is seeming more distant because of Miel, I don’t think it’s because of Miel FORCING him to be distant or to dress and act this way. Over the past three years of observing and following Anthony VERY closely, I’ve noticed that Anthony’s the kind of person to change his beliefs, habits, lifestyle, and past times based on the people he is around the most at certain times in his life. Look back at when him and Kalel spilt. He was a modern LA guy that wore plain T-SHIRTS AND FLANNELS and had a LIGHT UP #& at the head of his bed for fuck’s sake! Not to mention that he was VERY argumentative on Twitter with things like veganism and even went as far as to say you were just as bad as the Holocaust if you ate meat… yeah… our sweet Anthony said that. I think he deleted the tweet, however, due to obvious backlash. Skip to a few years later when he’s allegedly dating Miel.

QUICK DISCLAIMER: THEY ARE NOT A CONFIRMED COUPLE! Neither Anthony nor Miel have confirmed their status and you SHOULD NOT spread it around as a fact. No matter how damning a photo or what someone says on the internet about it, DO NOT spread the information as fact without it coming from the main source (I.E. Anthony or Miel)! Anthony has even STATED that he doesn’t like the spreading of information without his confirmation, so respect him and don’t be a dick!

He’s now wearing assumed EXPENSIVE FASHION, HOUSE PLANTS, and a sense of humor that is no longer funny nor his own. Again, I don’t think it’s Miel FORCING him to dress the way he is or to make the shitty jokes that he does now. It’s just Anthony changing to fit into the people he’s around the most… Which seems to be Miel and her friends any time he’s not at work. Of course, it seems like that he’s NEVER at work at all, but that comes later. I’ve already stated that I find Miel’s humor to be stale, cringy and SO OUT THERE that literally barely a handful of people would get the punch line. I have to RESEARCH her jokes just to get it and by the time I do get it, I realise that it was just wasted time because it wasn’t funny to begin with. Anthony’s also adapted this type of “MEHHhhhh” humor and I CAN’T STAND IT! It’s just not funny and is obviously just her style of a failing stand up comedian being painted onto a different canvas. It makes it even more painful for me because I KNOW Anthony can be funnier than that. He’s a very talented young man and he’s wasting ALL of his talent on humor that is SOOO stupid and not worth anyone’s time.

I’ve also noticed that he tends to take these “distancing spells” from time to time. Sometimes it’s due to a REALLY FUCKING GOOD Ianthony moment like THE KISS. He always takes time away from Ian and work after something like the kiss happens for unknown reasons. I think it’s because he constantly denies his feelings for Ian and needs to get away to get the haunting thoughts out of his head, but that’s the shipper side of me speaking. We don’t actually know why. We obviously like to speculate, but nothing is written in stone as to why he does. So, he could just be holding back from Ian and S*osh because of some conflicting feelings. On the other hand, he’s also been known to take distancing spells when he’s spending time doing other things. Anthony’s an explorative person who likes to try new things and has been known to jump on trendy bandwagons even if he himself has made fun of it. Like Vine... and Snapchat... and Music.ILY... and a vlogging YouTube channel. All apps/trends he has made fun of in the past but was then caught using them a mere WEEKS later. When he gets focused with useless trends like this, he distances himself from everything else and focuses on these trends for WEEKS at a time until he either gets bored or when the trend dies. It has happened plenty of times before and it could be happening now with something private. You never know.

Anyways, to wrap this up, I think Anthony has definitely changed to be like Miel and has been a bit distant from Smosh, but I’m not necessarily sure it’s because of Miel forcing him to. I think it’s just because Anthony is a people pleaser. He changes what he does and who he is to “fit in” with the people around him even if it’s his possible romantic partners. Yes, I know people change, but do they really change that much? Look at Ian. He’s the same person that he has always been. He NEVER changes for anybody and he is exactly what you’re expecting to get. He’s never (to known public knowledge) changed his lifestyle or eating habits for anyone. He’s matured a lot over the years, yes, but he’s still Ian who obviously loves his video games and unhealthy eating habits. With Anthony… IDK who the hell he is. Is he a nintendo fanboy who loves his shirts and Mountain Dew, a modern LA man who brags about being vegan and owns extra AF decor, or a failing stand up comedian who dresses expensively and owns dozens of house plants? I know that sounds a little harsh, but it’s only because I care about Anthony IMMENSELY and want to see him happy with who he is without feeling the need to change who he is every year just to be like whoever he’s around.

Again, THIS IS ALL SPECULATION! I honestly hope that I’m wrong about all of this and he’s just grown and evolved into this person because it IS who Anthony is, but based on what I’ve observed, I don’t think that’s the case. I could be wrong and I’ve already told you that I hope I am….

[loudlytransparenttrash]

I wasn’t prepared for this...

There’s plenty of weird and wacky things going on in America these days. The Apprentice guy is our president, BLM is rioting in defense of criminals and chanting for cops to be killed, SJW’s are rioting against democracy and feminists are walking around dressed as giant vaginas and calling themselves oppressed.

The left tries to normalize everything from Islamic terror to 400 genders but not even I could have imagined they would go low enough to try normalize child abuse. I mean, it’s bad enough that they’re forcing 5 year olds to carry “this pussy grabs back” signs and forced to say “which one of us will be raped next?”, “I shouldn’t need a penis to get paid” and “fuck the patriarchy”. But what’s worse is this whole gender issue that’s becoming out of control.

When people ask me what I think about trans people I give a pretty distinct answer. In general I have no issue of women transitioning into men and men transitioning into women but what I do have an issue with is normalizing children being forced to become transgender.

These two parents went on Buzzfeed in a video called “I Am A Gender Non-Conforming Parent” to brag about how awesome it is to force your child to live as a boy AND a girl because gender doesn’t mean anything, right guys? It’s pretty fucked up. In the video we have a mom… and a mom, raising their kid and essentially messing with them psychologically. “My understanding about gender is that ultimately it doesn’t mean anything, it doesn’t give you the information about that person.”

In 1965, some kid named David Reimer was born and he was reassigned to become a girl and raised female at birth. He was given hormones, surgeries, etc and he was raised entirely female. For a long time David was fine and researchers and phycologists such as John Money took this as proof that gender identity was learned and not biological. But it ultimately turned out to be a failure after David stopped calling himself a girl aged 11 and transitioned back into being a guy aged 15 and began discouraging others from transitioning, after being depressed for years he killed himself. It’s the many cases like these that are swept under the rug by people who claim that there’s no difference between guys and girls and their behavior and identities are all just a social construct.

Raising your child as something they’re not, the child is going to grow up thinking they are something they’re not. Gender isn’t this amazingly complicated thing some people like to make it out to be. Already kids are being confused as hell because everybody is telling them to question their gender and change their gender, even when they’re just three and four years old.

The fact is, most children who experience gender dysphoria will not remain gender dysphoric after puberty. Most kids grow out of it. And the ones who don’t are usually confused by their homosexuality as most GID children turn out to be either gay or bisexual.

Children aren’t born with the cognitive capacities of your average adult, and before the age of 11, most children are simply unable to perform abstract reasoning or understand nuances when having a discussion. Instead, children below this age generally see things in either-or scenarios, and divide the world into dichotomies of “wanted or unwanted.” So when a parent asks a little girl if she wants to be a boy, the little girl probably thinks, yeah sure I want to play in mud and wrestle people so their mom excitedly posts on facebook that she’s a cool mom with a cool transgender kid and books the next appointment to see a therapist to begin the transition process.

How about we let the kid grow up first before we start pumping them with hormones or blocking their hormones, it’s really not that hard to stop yourself from abusing children. Anyway, back to talking about the crazies in this video:

“The person I am today was very much in line with a person that I was or longed to be when I was little. I was a tomboy, my best friends were primarily boys, I played with “boys” toys.”

I don’t know how many times I have to make this point. Liking things that aren’t traditionally for guys or for girls doesn’t make you a new gender. It means that you may not be traditionally masculine or feminine. If I like something that wasn’t traditionally female, it doesn’t mean I should turn myself into a guy or start calling myself genderfluid or whatever one of the 400 new genders I can pick from. What makes these people think that since they have some non-traditional gender trait (which is fine by the way) they have to change their entire gender, transition into a new one and enforce their kids to do the same? What the fuck is going on?

“People ask me, “do you have a boy or a girl?” Whatever that means, this person could be anybody.”

This is like saying it’s wrong for humans to call their babies human because many people identify as a non-human. Whether you’re pushing for children to be genderless and to stop conforming to oppressive gender roles or whether you want them to be known as non-human and stop conforming to oppressive human species roles, first you must throw out everything we know about biology, endocrinology, neuroscience and any last piece of common-sense that you have left - which is something most people just ain’t willing to do.

“It’s real funny because our son is super into sports, like maybe he was like an Olympic athlete in his past-life, like he’s come with all of these sporting talents that were like visible at seventeen months.”

Yes, it’s so funny and weird that your male son is super into sports and is naturally talented at sports even though you’re raising him as a total genderless child. Totally shocked! Who would have thought! … These people like to contradict themselves. First they call their “genderless” child a boy and then they talk proudly about him being a traditional male. This entirely goes against the non-binary, agender narrative. She’s telling us that the kid is just a typical boy but she’s trying to queer him up not because it’s what he wants but it’s what she wants to make herself feel better, so why not mess with him right? It’s like those fat dance moms and beauty pageant moms who force their 3-year old daughter into dancing on stage and wearing wigs and make-up and the mom is stood up in the middle of the audience desperately encouraging and reciting their kid’s choreography and routine while the kid is dying on the inside as everyone watches on, all because the mom wants to live her own fantasy through a toddler.

“I’m constantly trying to like queer up my relationship with him and get him to wear tutus and he hates it, he’s just like NO!”

They laugh at this. They think they’re doing a noble feminist deed by forcing their son to dress and act like a girl, even when they themselves admit that he hates being dressed up in feminine clothes and begs them to stop, they just laugh it off and continue to force it onto him. He’s too young to understand the importance of dressing like a girl but he’s old enough to tell doctors he wants hormone treatment, right? Am I the only one who’s noticing how fucked up this is? What’s the difference between this and forcing a little girl to wear dresses instead of jeans? They go mental when it’s reversed but when they enforce their own version of genderless roles on children, it gets turned into a cool empowering Buzzfeed video to inspire others to do the same.

”He’s taking in like kid media and he has a book that is like just pictures and words but it also has like a picture of a girl and there’s a picture of a boy and but I’m just like child - child. This is where he starts learning like what things are and so I hate the idea that he’s getting imprinted on him what people look like.”

Oh shit, he’s being introduced to reality? Oh fuck, learning about biology is going to cause some problems. I mean, it goes back to what I was saying earlier, getting pissed that a children’s book shows a boy and a girl and calls them a boy and a girl would be the same as a human non-conforming parent getting pissed that there’s a book with human children being called human. I’m so sorry science isn’t changing just because parts of it goes against your fantasy. A woman is a woman, a man is a man, a human is a human. If YOU don’t identify with these, that’s fine, you have my sympathy, but leave children out of it and stop trying to force the world to play along. I can’t believe that saying something as realistic and obvious as “don’t abuse and lie to your children” is now controversial.

“Everybody needs to be reconsidering the way that they’re presenting genders to their kids.”

No. They don’t. This goes to show just how closed-minded these people are for thinking they have the moral high ground to tell every parent out there to join their genderless utopia where everyone pretends to be equal and abide by their oppression rankings and rules and if they don’t, well they’re just bigoted assholes. Why does the word “cult” continue to spring to mind whenever I start talking about their ideology? Maybe it’s for good reason…

[viruswithsaas]

Reaction piece to “The RISE and FALL of ROCK ‘N’ ROLL“ (not good)

No reviews this week.  Not that there is a shortage of tunes, far from it, there is the new Bell Witch album, Re-TROS, Igorrr, Ivolve… Tons of music waiting to be reviewed. No, the reason is that with the holiday period happening, my schedule has been turned upside and down and there is not a single opportunity for me to sit down and attentively listen to an album.

However, there has been a video so cringy that I simply had to talk about it: “The RISE and FALL of ROCK ‘N’ ROLL” by SpectreSoundStudios. In case, you’re not familiar with the channel: it is run by Glenn Fricker, a part time producer, part time YouTuber and part time day jobber because neither of the previous two gigs makes enough money to pay the mortgage and the bills. He has some popularity and I followed him for a little while. Although I’m no longer subscribed to his channel, his videos still pop up in my YouTube-overview for some reason that only the YouTube-algorithm knows. In this particular video  Fricker goes over the history of rock music, not just rock ‘n’ roll, and tries to build up to the conclusion that the labels are screwing over REAL musicians with REAL talent who play REAL instrument and REAL music is in the shitter. All that in a timespan of 9 minutes and 17 seconds with his typical, loud, obnoxious deliverance.

Bad videos are nothing to him but this one is just embarassing at every level. It is not informative, funny or insightful. One of the most blatant shortcomings is that Fricker doesn’t mention any band or trend that came after Nirvana. Based on his rambling you’d think that Radiohead, White Stripes or the whole Britpop wave never happened and neither did funk, hip hop, let alone the new wave of hip hop with Drake and Kendrick. It raises the question: has he stopped listening to the radio after 1994, is he really that narrow minded or is he just playing the part to pander to the views (and add revenue) from the metalweeabos?

Since I can’t imagine any somewhat serious producer being borderline autistic like him, I’m more inclined to speculate he doesn’t buy his own bullshit. In which case he is a phoney, just like the popstars from the 2000’s that he bashes in his video. Otherwise, he is incompetent and the best he can do, is sell his studio, pay off the mortgage and just start a manga channel.

Contrary to what Fricker proclaims in the video, there is no conspiracy against rock music or metal but as The Needle Drop’s Anthony Fantano explained in his video on the more or less same topic from THREE YEARS ago, rock is too busy kissing its once glorious ass to notice that other, fresher sounds has popped up: EDM had its hype but it’s still a major cultural phenomenon, trap exploded, there are some exciting and accessible things going in jazz. There is just a lot going on that is fresher, more exciting than ripping off Led Zeppelin and the music industry, not music charity, goes where the audience goes.

But even if rock is not the most popular music on the radio, does it matter? If you really love a genre, do you care how popular it is? I’ve got plenty of issues with the overly materialistic philosophy of trap but I just turned 37. What the fuck would I be telling to a 15 year old who is more cynical than me and has a better understanding of the world than I had at the same age? My time is over, Fricker’s is over and soon Lil’ Pump’s will be too. Music is a living thing and it is constantly mutating.

But his most disgusting statement is that rock is supposedly dead. Mainstream rock has been reduced to a handful of beerbellied 50 year olds playing 30 year old songs but there is plenty of great stuff happening in the underground. Hardcore punk has been revived again, bands like Ulver, Omrade, Re-TROS and in their own way Death Grips are taking metal and rock into the 21st century. Hell, most rockfans have had no problem embracing The Prodigy, The Chemical Brothers or more recently Perturbator. In my opinion it just comes down to “acceptance”. Accept that a certain esthetic belonged to a certain era and accept that said era is over. Accept the sound of the present.  If your standard in 2017 is still Judas Priest and early Metallica, it might be time to retire from music.

And maybe it is time for the older generations to stop trying to catch up with today’s music and telling their kids what good music is. Also, fuck you, Glenn.

[it-was-not-the-cat]

Questions 1-99.

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?Heaven - PVRIS, What's Wrong - PVRIS, Walk Alone - PVRIS, Winter - PVRIS, I Like Me Better - Lauv, Now or Never - Halsey2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?The lead singer of PVRIS, probably. I'll be seeing her in February, but not technically meeting her. 3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.I don't have a book near me at all, haha4: What do you think about most?"Where the hell is my cat?"5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?"I'm home" This was literally 2 days ago HHAHAHA6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?With7: What’s your strangest talent?I honestly have no idea. I'm not that good at strange things haha8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)Girls are pretty; Boys are icky.9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?Nope.10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?I honestly don't know haha.11: Do you have any strange phobias?GRASSHOPPERS 12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?Hah, funny story, a rock once. Got a bloody nose because it was stuck and had to go to the doctor to get it removed.13: What’s your religion?I don't really follow any religion.14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?Coming inside.15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?Wayy behind it.16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?PVRIS, hands down.17: What was the last lie you told?I'm going to vacuum today.18: Do you believe in karma?Sometimes, I guess.19: What does your URL mean?When I used to self harm, I would tell people that it was just a scratch from the cat, but that was a lie. It was not the cat.20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?Greatest weakness is probably saying no to people. Greatest strength is being lazy. 21: Who is your celebrity crush?Demi Lovato and Lynn Gunn22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?Nope. 23: How do you vent your anger?I just get in my own little bubble and just get angry at everything or shut everyone out. 24: Do you have a collection of anything?Rocks and shot glasses from my travels.25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?Chatting online. Not necessarily video chatting, just like messaging. 26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?\I'm a lot happier with myself than I used to be. But I have a long way to go before I'm completely happy with myself. 27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?I hate hearing people chew and swallow. I love Jasper's purring. 28: What’s your biggest “what if”?"What if I never started cutting?" 29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?Ghosts- YES, Aliens - no.30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.Right arm - coffee cup. Left arm - wall. 31: Smell the air. What do you smell?It just smells like the air? I kinda smell the coffee next to me. 32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?South Side, St Joe.33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?East Coast34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?Tim McGraw. 35: To you, what is the meaning of life?Just to be freaking happy.36: Define Art.I don't even know. 37: Do you believe in luck?Mmm, sometimes?38: What’s the weather like right now?It's fall, cold and windy, but like perfect. 39: What time is it?1:33 pm40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?Yes, I drive. I've never like gotten into a wreck, but I've hit 3 deer...41: What was the last book you read?My textbook for my Psych of Communications class. Hah, we read it cover to cover. 42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?I don't hate it, but it's not my favorite. 43: Do you have any nicknames?Mac.44: What was the last film you saw?How The Grinch Stole Christmas while I was babysitting.45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?I have a lot of problems with my back and hips. I wouldn't really think of it as an injury because it wasn't caused by anything in particular, but it is definitely something that hurts like a mf.46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?Yeah.47: Do you have any obsessions right now?My cat. 48: What’s your sexual orientation?GAYYYY49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?Yeah that I was a lesbian back in middle school. I didn't know I was a lesbian then, but ayyy.50: Do you believe in magic?I really don't know for sure. 51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?Yeah, but like I'm not like absolutely horrible toward them. I just don't forget what they did to me. 52: What is your astrological sign?Libra53: Do you save money or spend it?Both.54: What’s the last thing you purchased?Blockus.55: Love or lust?Love!56: In a relationship?YES :)57: How many relationships have you had?Serious relationships? 2. Stupid middle school relationships? like 4.58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?Yeah.59: Where were you yesterday?I just stayed at the apartment all day. 60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?A headband, tweezers, and my backpack.61: Are you wearing socks right now?Nope.62: What’s your favourite animal?Currently, giraffe.63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?HAHAHA my what to what64: Where is your best friend?Sitting right next to me :)65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.secrets-written-in-my-skin, h--e--r--o--i--n--a, lesbian-and-lesbian-, take-a-look-to-my-life, sheekeepsmewarm66: What is your heritage?Uhh, American?67: What were you doing last night at 12AM? Allie and I were playing games.We were probably playing Snakes and Ladders.68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?wut.69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?Hell yeah.70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?Yeah, honestly I would like to have me as a friend. 71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?I would try to help the dog, but also call someone to help and then explain to my boss what happened. If it was my boss I have right now, she'd be understanding. 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?Oh yikes. I would probably tell people it was happening. I would definitely travel with whatever money I had left and I would be absolutely terrified. 73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.Love. 74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?Don't Be So Hard On Yourself - Jess Glynne75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?I would prefer not to put that out there. 76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?You should probably like, love the person. But also being able to be yourself around them. And being able to silently sit in the same room, doing separate things, and still enjoying it and not finding it awkward. 77: How can I win your heart?Bring me food.78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?It can, but for me it just brings anxiety. 79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?To start talking to Allie off anon. 80: What size shoes do you wear?Anywhere from a 7.5-8.5. It depends on the brand/shoe. 81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?Just the normal thing, birth date, death date, and like "daughter, wife, mother, etc"82: What is your favourite word?Probably fuck or shit?83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.Love.84: What is a saying you say a lot?"I love him" (I say "him" funny and I say it about my cat.) or "Listen, Linda".85: What’s the last song you listened to?Jolene - Dolly Parton.86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?Currently, purple and turquoise/teal.87: What is your current desktop picture?A colorful space thing I designed on a website.88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?My old manager. He was such a dick. He made me hate my job so much that I would get insanely anxious before going in and then I'd call in. 89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?Uhmm... I don't really know. 90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?Freak the fuck out, scream, wake up Allie, grab my cat, and leave. 91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?Oooh, umm to see the future?92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?The first time I met Allie in person.93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?The part of my life that I never talk about.94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?They are all way out of my league. 95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?Ireland.96: Do you have any relatives in jail?Not that I know of.97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?Probably when I was little, but not that I know of. 98: Ever been on a plane?Yes! 99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?"uhh..."

[grizzlefur]

WWEm - ‘Angelic Ascension' to 'Nuclear Hobo’

Transmission date: Monday 22/Tuesday 23 May

.

It's far too warm to be funny, so here's FRIDAY AFTERNOON RAW.

.

that's what this blog is going to be now, just me stating the facts while being disdainful of this whole 'Sun' bollocks

.

who thought summer was a good idea

.

ugh

.

um

.

anyway

.

wrestling?

.

yes

.

wrestling

.

yestling?

.

no

.

ahem

.

and we're opening with the advert for the extreme rules five-way

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which includes bray promising to kill brock with the spear of destiny, so that pleases me

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and just as i type that, wyatt cut through the end of the vid

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we're in grand rapids tonight, because nobody in detroit can afford tickets any more

.

i'm assuming they don't mean the one in minnesota, otherwise that joke doesn't work and i'd have to make up some shit about logging camps and judy garland

.

but yeah, bray's here to lead a revival

.

he's going to liberate all us slaves of brock

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or the beast here may be metaphorical

.

because it lives inside us all and keeps our children up at night

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but i like to think that's all tiny brocks

.

bray has straight-up promised to murder brock, crack his ribs and eat his heart

.

we're straight in at the deep end here

.

this is seriously full-on revivalist shit

.

he keeps telling us to stand up, and it makes me want to

.

this is some lovely crowd work

.

he's like fuck this five-way i've already sacrificed seth and joe

.

guess they need to make a new video package

.

doesn't even need to mention roman's name and the crowd are already on the verge of armed insurrection

.

like fuck your yard, i own he world

.

here's roman to take issue

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or, as cole puts it, "Here is the keeper of the said yard!"

.

thank you, master wordsmith

.

roman and bray are doing some top-shelf glowering across the room at each other

.

roman comes in like say that to my face you bitch, bray just starts cackling

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and then says it to his face

.

they keep calling each other 'old friend', i'm getting the feeling i should know more classic nxt

.

roman squares up in bray's grill, cue kurt to intervene

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maybe they''re just big x-men fans

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now i'm imagining bray as professor x and roman as magneto

.

it's quite an image

.

kurt acknowledges that these two are two of the favourites

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probably, like top 5

.

he's just like fuck this showrunning thing, this is a match now, bye

.

despite the number of times roman's fought bray, he still gets freaked out by the whole hanging backward off the turnbuckle thing

.

at least corey lampshades that as well

.

thanks for following my thought processes, graves

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bray uranages roman, forgoes pinning him to just go and bite the ropes

.

he's just taking every opportunity this match to fuck about and laugh at roman

.

bray does not and has never given a shit

.

like three minutes into the match, here's joe to pick a fight

.

at least he hit his music, rather than just turning up like usual

.

stands there telling bray to get up and fight him, bray's just like um no i'll sit here thanks

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so joe coquina clutches roman for the dq

.

bray tries to join in, gets a clutch of his own, and now here comes seth to slay some kings

.

or failing that, some large men

.

bray tries to blindside seth, roman superman punches him

.

long awkward moment between seth and roman, everyone glares at each other, hit what the fuck music is this

.

seriously, it sounded like cage the elephant or something

.

can we fire the sound guy

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apparently it's barns courtney

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(who's from aylesbury, so that explains a lot)

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clearly everyone in the room has realised it's the wrong music but just to finish the segment anyway like it was intentional

.

gj, guys

.

announcements for later: finn/anderson, and sheamus/matt, with the winner of the latter picking the stipulation for their extreme rules match

.

so either matt wins and they do a ladder match because hardyz, matt winds and they have some kind of dilapidated boat mindfuck (i want this), or sheamus wins and is just like fuck it let's have a knife fight (i would also watch this)

.

oh, apparently that barns courtney song is the theme for extreme rules

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so i guess it makes a certain kind of sense

.

still a weird-ass time to play it, though

.

anyway, i should probably unpause this and stop writing long-ass comments and looking up aylesburian singer-songwriters

.

(it doesn't necessarily come across, but i take some serious research breaks on here)

.

but now, seth and roman are passive-aggressive at each other backstage

.

kurt shows up like fuck this high school bullshit you're teaming against bray and joe in the main event

.

they accept this, walk off, elias fucking samson break

.

kurt like fine you have my attention what the fuck do you want if i give you a match against dean ambrose will you go the hell away

.

elias responds with some more abstracted strumming, kurt seems to take that as a yes

.

are we just playing him as mute on this show

.

that would be kind of great

.

but now it's cruiserweight time, with tozawa facing ariya daivari, who's accessorised with aviators, chains and possibly the most garish jacket observable by science

.

just in case you forgot he was the heel

.

and meanwhile, instead of being on announce like a normal person, brian kendrick is backstage with a big-screen tv, watching the match and occasionally chipping in with comments like a fucking nfl analyst or something

.

i swear, i'm like fifteen minutes into this weird-ass episode and it's already making me want to tap out to the bugfuck strangeness of it all

.

i think we're in one of those weeks

.

jinder mahal beating randy orton for the world title clearly broke all laws of god and man, and now reality is irrevocably shattered and we must get used to the new world we find ourselves facing

.

sorry you had to learn about it from a wrestling shitpost blog

.

anyway, back in the match

.

tozawa is in green and teal shorts, and it doesn't work for him at all

.

but he's working through this personal obstacle to beat seven kinds of piss out of ariya

.

cut back to brian, who provides us with his incisive analysis viz. HA chants being dumb

.

he is wrong

.

tozawa provides some, then does a top rope back senton for the pin

.

what was his finisher before?

.

cos that's a great one

.

cut back to brian, who's like fuck that imma kill him tomorrow

.

tozawa shouts in the face of a small child, end segment

.

next up, dean/elias

.

but first, charly interviews sasha backstage

.

she's like foxy ain't shit, alicia and noam turn up to taunt her some

.

oh wait, it's usually his snap german

.

fuck

.

how did i forget that

.

anyway, diving senton is cool too

.

but now, elias samson has a song for us about grand rapids

.

credit to him, he can actually play his guitar and sing and shit

.

because everyone hates people who can't use their props

.

but to be fair, everyone also hates elias samson

.

so *shrug*

.

dean interrupts the last few bars, corey takes advantage of his mic being back on to be like what has happened to my life

.

miz and maryse are on announce to tell us how dean ain't shit

.

maryse badmouths dean for "kicking miz in his no-no land"

.

meanwhile in the ring, elias is reminding us that he is actually a large impressive man

.

smacks dean's neck into the ropes, because fuck your head trauma rules

.

likewise, hangs dean's head off the apron and then does a bunch of knees into it

.

cut to ads, and elias is choking dean into unconsciousness

.

would have thought he'd just pin him by now

.

apparently dean is losing because miz's presence is sapping his power

.

this information brought to you by the miz

.

dean's starting to get his zaynwheels spinning, so time for a comeback

.

wait, shit, were we not meant to call it that any more?

.

dean goes off the top rope, takes a knee to the face in response

.

dean takes elias down, miz runs to the ring and kicks elias once for the dq

.

like fuck you mr ambrose i know how the rules work

.

truly the most dangerous quality in a wrestler

.

chasing miz around the ring keeps dean occupied while elias gets back up, and swinging neckbreaker for giggles

.

up next, bálor/anderson

.

but first, cass is angry backstage

.

we pan over to enzo unconscious in the middle of a bunch of weights equipment

.

and fade on medics trying to wake him up

.

to an advert for that barns courtney song

.

we come back, and he's awake

.

and doesn't rmember who blindsided him

.

kurt promises to get to the bottom of this, because he seems like a good boss

.

cass is like well let's see who finds them first

.

[large new yorker intensifies]

.

and we're back in the arena, and finn has got this whole appearing in a column of smoke thing down

.

*does the arms*

.

i love how he does proper ballroom dance hands when he does the arms

.

both because it enhances the lines of the pose and because it's kind of adorable

.

booker makes a comment about how everyone wants a piece of finn, a solid 70% of people watching just joined with me in nodding knowingly

.

he has a mic

.

but can't say the word 'fatal'

.

acknowledges it, the crowd are like fuck it, we love you

.

and then interrupted mid-speech by...heyman?

.

with a speech about how not one of the people in the five-way is shit

.

wait, was this speech meant to be in the opening segment but we replaced it with unexpected blues rock?

.

paul makes a reference to roman killing taker, the crowd hate him even more

.

paul finally reaches finn's place in his list

.

oh, apparently he's not going to trashtalk him

.

calls him the most talented performer in wwe?

.

where's the twist coming?

.

paul saying the word 'extreme' is getting a pop

.

okay, so apparently finn is his pick to win the five-way

.

this is odd

.

but i am intrigued

.

finn has a message for brock

.

(spoiler: he ain't shit)

.

paul just stands there like welp this is super intense

.

but here are anderson and gallows

.

oh yeah

.

remember there was a match happening?

.

cut for ads, and we come back to finn stomping the shit out of anderson

.

right up until anderson tries to rip his nose off and gallows gets a cheap shot in

.

not a bad match, but when have i ever not liked a finn match

.

these two are just so fluid together

.

it's almost like they've worked together for years

.

finn kicks anderson off the turnbuckle, then hits his big apron punt on gallows

.

anderson goes for a powerbomb, finn does a lovely counter into a standing double stomp and tope

.

and sling blade, corner dropkick (slightly misjudged), coup de grace for the pin

.

finn walks up the ramp, someone holds a palestinian flag up on camera

.

how long till they get disappeared

.

and corey reminds me why i love him by pronouncing coup de grace properly

.

another graphic for matt/sheamus, this time with a less broken picture of matt

.

weird

.

but now it's sasha/alicia

.

sasha enters in a double-breasted half-camo waistcoat, and i want to ask her where to buy it

.

apparently the point of this match is if sasha wins, alicia gets to fuck off

.

noam distracts sasha by literally going durrrrrrr at her, near-fall

.

noam is the best armcandy

.

sasha dodges a scissor kick into her double knees, awkward-ass pin, end

.

this whole angle has just been really weird

.

is it done now

.

noam comes into the ring to shout at sasha

.

goes for her, gets deathslapped, but alicia's there to blindside sasha with a scissor kick

.

but now we're backstage again, with kalisto and apollo

.

kalisto being like the fuck is wrong with you why are you working for dickbag o'douche

.

and also btw did you attack enzo

.

apollo denies it, talks about how he's working for titus for his connections

.

titus appears to be like oh hey you want to join the titus brand awesome

.

shockingly, kalisto actually doesn't

.

so titus sets his minion on him for a match later

.

but next, alexa talks about extremity

.

after our first ad for mitb

.

we'll be seeing a lot of those

.

and now we talk about the demise of the golden truth

.

booker talks about how being an inscrutable evil isn't like goldust at all

.

making me question whether he's actually met the man

.

and now we have a shattered dreams video package, featuring a low framerate goldust doing slam poetry about gold and wearing a suit jacket over his bodysuit

.

a disembodied hand tries to give him a script, he's like fuck that i'm reasserting creative control

.

does his oldschool weird breathing, end thing

.

and now charly has alexa backstage

.

but mostly to introduce this vt of her beating on bayley last week

.

in which they cut out the bit where it took alexa three tries to find the kendo stick

.

but with bonus pictures of the welts on bayley's back

.

whoever wolf whistled in the crowd, fuck off

.

alexa's just like heh yeah that was pretty great

.

and i'm totes gonna do worse at extreme rules

.

and apparently she's fighting mickie tonight

.

whom she's also going to murder

.

and now we talk about roman and braun some more

.

are we seriously doing the vt of braun getting his elbow fucked again?

.

apparently we are, yes

.

with dramatic replays and colour separation and everything

.

and restating that yes, he will be off for some time

.

not sure why we needed that segment

.

but anyway

.

now it's kalisto/crews

.

and the editing means we missed the start of kalisto's entrance

.

boooo

.

or should i say

.

beeeeeeoooooo

.

apparently titus is the most in-demand public speaker in the world today

.

i think we need a cetacean here

.

kalisto tries running the ropes, apollo just standing dropkicks him in the face

.

kalisto gets some offence, tries to run the ropes again, gets stopped with an enzuigiri

.

dude

.

stop trying that

.

apollo goes for a muscle buster, kalisto counters for a near-fall, titus screams at apollo to sic 'em, distracts him enough for a salida del sol

.

haven't seen that in a while

.

mostly because kalisto hasn't been allowed to win things

.

apollo looks stunned and hurt, titus shouts at him, end segment

.

up next, crazy vs irish

.

the eternal dilemma

.

the hardyz are both wearing solid green tonight, and it's an odd choice

.

matt does his delete arm on the turnbuckle, jeff does a super half-hearted one

.

now that he's wearing more and his beard's grown, sheamus's entrance has changed from 'angelic ascension' to 'nuclear hobo'

.

i'm still totally in the kkb corner for this, though

.

sheamus' strategy for this match appears to just be hitting matt in the face a lot

.

see how many teeth he can claim

.

matt chases sheamus out of the ring, is immediately shown why this was a bad plan as sheamus smacks him back-first into the apron

.

sheamus starts the ten beats of the bodhrán, stops after two when it becomes apparent that the crowd want to count along and just tackles him off the apron into the barricade instead

.

i love smart heel moves like that

.

matt mashes sheamus' face into all the turnbuckles, i'm guessing that may have been a thing in tna from the volume of the delete chants

.

cut to ads as cole tries and fails to say the phrase 'pick the stipulation'

.

sheamus gets a near-fall off white noise, the crowd think he's an obsolete mule

.

and jeff distracts him while matt gets a tornado ddt

.

sheamus gets the offence again, matt hits side effect out of nowhere

.

does the whole delete setup for a twist of fate, sheamus counters into a big knee to the face, the nearest of falls before matt gets the bottom rope

.

grand rapids think this is awesome, and they're kind of right

.

cesaro looms toward the action, jeff takes him out, sheamus kicks jeff in the back, matt takes the distraction for a twist of fate for the win

.

and now here's charly to ask matt and jeff what the thing will be

.

ooh, cage match

.

that is not the way i saw this going

.

but i could still see that working

.

and now we get the bit where the announce team recap the opening segment of this episode

.

go get a drink or something

.

dramatic advert for the main event, ahppening in like half an hour

.

cut for ads, and we're back with the cruiserweights

.

nese/aries, with the goblin king of newcastle lurking in nese's corner

.

one day my dream will come true of a neville promo where the crowd interrupt after every sentence by shouting PET

.

until then, i'll just have to do it in my head

.

apparently the aries/neville title match at extreme rules is going to be a submission match

.

i mean, they both use submission finishers, so not that strange

.

austin gets nese in a weird headlock/heelhook thing while staring daggers at neville

.

neville's procured an office chair to just lurk at ringside because the announce table isn't there any more, and i always find that kind of hilarious

.

and...cm punk chants?

.

cmon guys, if chicago could get through like all of takeover and backlash without doing that, you can use some self-control

.

austin goes for an elbow off the top rope, nese catches him with an elbow to the face in midair

.

then goes for a vertical suplex, which austin converts into a guillotine choke

.

nese tries to facebuster him out of it, which just lets austin bounce over into the last chancery for the tap

.

some lovely transitions there

.

austin walks off as him and neville glare at each other

.

and neville smacks nese's face into the canvas and puts him in the rings of saturn because fuck you

.

austin just kind of golf claps as he keeps walking up the ramp, like nice job that's going very well for you

.

but now we have alexa/mickie

.

mickie has redesigned gear that looks even more like off-brand star sapphire cosplay

.

graphic for the extreme rules women's title match

.

kendo stick on a pole

.

christ

.

mickie gets alexa in a waistlock, alexa makes it to the ropes and tells the ref to get her off, except i totally hear it as just BUGGER OFF

.

mickie is currently just stomping all over alexa, which is weird

.

near-fall, only one person does the 2 sweet thing

.

fair enough, grand rapids, you're let off for doing the cm punk chant

.

alexa just goes fuck it and punches mickie in the face really hard

.

and ddt for the pin

.

has alexa somehow inherited show's magic fist?

.

and/or jake the snake's ability to get a pin off a straight ddt

.

alexa lingers at ringside with a face like thunder, and then it only takes her two tries to find the kendo stick

.

hits mickie once, bayley runs in

.

knocks alexa down, gets the shinai, looms threateningly while alexa runs away like she does so well

.

dramatic slow-mo of alexa hitting mickie with the kendo stick, mostly just serving to highlight how badly mickie mistimed selling it

.

but next it's main event time

.

after an ad for 205

.

which we'll wyatt cut through anyway, because bray doesn't give a shit

.

recap video of bray fucking over everyone around him

.

i wonder how this tag match will go

.

seriously, somebody discipline the tech guy

.

seth's music drops, gets through a few bars before turning into joe's entrance because he's the one who's actually coming in

.

wrong tron and everything

.

and *here's* seth

.

bray's just standing on one turnbuckle grinning at seth and roman as they come in

.

bray's another one of those solid gold background actors

.

talking about the contendership match, booker seems convinced it's an elimination match

.

long awkward start as both seth and roman refuse to get out of the ring

.

eventually roman does, and seth just explodes on both the heels

.

goes poorly, as joe distracts him while bray throws him into the barricade

.

dramatic tag to roman, kicks bray in the face into a samoan drop, grand rapids don't give a shit

.

bray distracts him with the spiderwalk thing again, joe blindsides him, bray blind-blindsides him

.

cut backstage to kurt standing off to one side of a television showing the match and watching it in three-quarters profile, like humans do

.

i'm guessing that's actually a really small room and they couldn't decided on how to make the perspective work

.

joe does his corner enzuigiri to roman, the announcers freak out like that's even his physics-glitchiest move

.

bray runs through roman and then takes a moment to hug the ring post

.

and then puts roman in a chinlock for ages, which would have been boring if bray wasn't doing a whole narrative with his face

.

naturally,that narrative was dhalgren or some shit, but that's what you get when your stories come from the faces of men possessed by the devil's relatives

.

bray distracts the ref while joe attacks roman, joe rolls a natural 1 and gets immediately whipped into the barricade and driven-by

.

(it took me far too long to work out what that past participle should be)

.

dramatic double tag, seth just unloads on everyone

.

springboard crossbody, blockbuster, plancha, sling blade, suicide dive

.

fuck you i'm seth rollins

.

goes back to the top, bray distracts him long enough for joe to punch him in the head

.

bray and joe very slowly set up a double superplex

.

which seth manages to reverse into crossbodying both of them

.

fair enough

.

joe fights back, bray goes for sister abigail, roman gets involved and throws bray out, goes for joe who dodges and lets roman superman punch seth

.

seth shouts at roman like what the fuck dude until bray pulls roman out of the ring and joe coquina clutches seth into unconsciousness

.

well, that wasn't the ending to the match i saw coming

.

but is anyone honestly surprised by this

.

i don't think i've ever correctly called a match in a promotion that exists outside of my head

.

#extremefantasybooking strikes again

.

bray and joe square off, and we pan out to kurt watching through non-euclidean geometries

.

finn turns up to be like the fuck kurt why didn't i get in this

.

so next week, double main event

.

finn/bray/joe and seth/roman

.

and we end on kurt literally saying "Damn, I'm a great GM."

.

i do love his sheer guilelessness running the show

.

but yes

.

that was raw, and it was not shit, which is something of a turn-up

.

smackdown will follow, after our feature presentation: Six Hours of Sarcastic Cicadas!

.

---------------------

.

Okay, so that was more like 23 hours, but I think it was worth playing four times

.

Such good times

.

Such memorable quotes

.

"'Chirp'."

.

i have ordered merch

.

I am a newly committed member of the SHoSC fandom

.

but for another example of things I enjoy, consider exhibit B: SATURDAY NIGHT SMACKDOWN!

.

(yes, i am missing doctor who for this)

.

let's see how this show goes in this brave new post-jinder world where literally anything could happen

.

i wonder if he's developed any new magical powers we should be told about, like TELEPORTING OUT OF A FUCKING FRIDGE

.

we open on a video package of the fans being pissed at jinder becoming champion and a bunch of press outlets being like wut

.

we're in toledo tonight

.

where the counterfeit american steel comes from

.

apparently later jinder holds his 'punjabi celebration'

.

but first, the announce team are interrupted by the sirens of a police escort to a motorcade

.

the singhs get out of one humvee and roll out a lovely carpet, jinder gets out of his white maharajamobile to scowl and show off his belt

.

usa chants, because fucking america

.

but here comes the money

.

presumably carried by shane

.

i wonder if this song is just because shane is always carrying his wallet in that cheap jacket

.

he's wearing white nikes

.

the fuck is that, shane

.

mitb briefcase hanging above the ring already

.

it's kind of bold to assume nobody will steal it in the next four weeks

.

i'm betting jinder

.

shane references jinder, the crowd react like he dropkicked a puppy

.

apparently randy has "instituted" his rematch clause

.

at mitb, which is in st louis, so randy's fucked

.

which i am happy with

.

but now let's talk about the actual briefcase match

.

and he's just straight-off introducing us to the participants

.

five of them this time

.

first off, here's aj

.

turns out they do want some, as long as it's some briefcases

.

and baron

.

how would you carry that case on a motorbike

.

now sami, and the image of him skanking with a bright blue briefcase fills me with joy

.

and dolph, who doesn't give a shit

.

and here's kevin, after a weirdly long beat

.

shane's like what is this kill the music kevin you were not invited

.

but this man is

.

it's shinsuke, surprising literally nobody

.

oh, apparently daniel was surprised

.

he had money on james ellsworth

.

this is why i never take his betting tips

.

shinsuke glides past kevin on the ramp like fuck youuuuuuuuu i'm awesome

.

if you want my call for the briefcase, i'm going baron or sami

.

but as we know, i may be even worse than daniel when it comes to predicting matches

.

shinsuke still gets to do his long-ass entrance while the other five guys stand around awkwardly

.

shane starts talking again, kevin immediately interrupts like excuse me mr commissioner but this is bullshit

.

dolph, baron and aj lost at backlash, unlike SOMEONE I COULD NAME

.

starts a promo on shane's weird favouritism giving the lie to smackdown's alleged meritocracy

.

that, or shane's just jealous of him cos he beat aj

.

shane reacts like hmmm yes you have some solid points

.

and puts him in the match?

.

well that was easy

.

if you want the match, just shout at shane for like 30 seconds

.

baron cuts a promo about how everyone else ain't shit, but is sadly betrayed by his mic

.

aj cuts in to tell us all some more about his house

.

and an extended three little pigs metaphor

.

calls kevin eric cartman, the crowd love it

.

feel like that one's going to stick

.

calls them all out, but calls shinsuke a rockstar while doing so, and he just smirks like why thank you yes i am

.

sami starts talking about his climb to glory, baron cuts back across him

.

with an american football film reference i don't entirely get

.

sami's like oh ok tell me more about how i KICKED YOU IN THE FACE

.

kevin tells sami to shut up, dolph tells him to shut up like hey guys remember when i won this briefcase before

.

do you really need another one, dolph

.

how many documents do you carry to work with your hoodie and wrist tape

.

shinsuke takes his mic, lets the crowd stew a bit

.

as he does so well

.

then basically introduces himself and says he's going to win, cue the massive pop that he can get off saying literally anything

.

shane cuts in like right guys let's actually do a show

.

baron/sami later on, kevin/baron v styles/nakamura for the main event

.

which should be fucking gold

.

an aj/shinsuke team sounds just amazing

.

but now it's women's time

.

nattie and carmella already in the ring

.

vs charlotte, who's stolen billie kay's black feather look, and becky

.

naomi, tamina and ellsworth are also here, because why not have the whole division in one room, it saves us having to do booking

.

one of the facts in charlotte's sidebar is literally just "The Queen of WWE"

.

[citation needed]

.

becky's got a new sleeveless trenchcoat thing that i like a lot

.

and her hair's calmed down since backlash, so i'm not so intimidated

.

carmella's still in solid red, which i'm still not convinced by

.

becky headlocks her, noogies her on top of that because giggles

.

and we cut this match into a quarter screen to play an advert break

.

is this how we're doing things now?

.

seems like

.

so if you like tiny silent wrestling while adverts happen, do i have the video for you

.

but to be fair, it's an ad break, so it's just the heels beating on becky

.

this is really weird and it's super hard to concentrate

.

and we're back in the room

.

i don't get it

.

becky keeps going for the big hot tag, nattie is keeping her off it

.

until now

.

charlotte tags in and cleans house

.

goes to the top rope, tamina tries to knock her off, naomi takes her out

.

becky tags back in and dropkicks the fuck out of nattie

.

she tags carmella, who tries to get to james, until naomi takes him out too, disarmher for the win

.

end thing

.

and let's have a graphic for jinder's punjabi celebration

.

but up next, corbin/zayn again

.

and that is now

.

and it lasts like 20 seconds before sami gets a rollup pin

.

outstanding

.

naturally, baron reacts by beating the piss out of him, but that's kind of an occupational hazard

.

baron throws him into the timekeeper's area and then just smacks him with a chair

.

and then resumes the piss-beating among the crowd

.

throws him headfirst into some stairs, hoists him over his shoulder, then drops him on a barricade

.

baron's needed some hardcore time lately, so this is good

.

goes to leave, then decides he'd rather punch him in the head on the barricade a bunch

.

some refs finally materialise to shout him off

.

it's like handling a wayward bear

.

baron corbin is probably more scared of you than you are of him

.

here comes the stretcher and the deeply questionable medics

.

and let's just cut straight to a graphic for the main event

.

idiosyncratic smackdown editing, take a shot

.

but next, fashion files: the final file?

.

(god, i hope not)

.

(but luckily, the standard rule about question marks in headlines applies)

.

but now let's have recap videos of sami getting turned to paté

.

and now, aj approaches his old friend shinsuke in the locker room

.

to be like welcome to my dojo

.

shinsuke's like i'm working with you tonight but i will cheerfully fuck you over at mitb just sayin and walks off

.

but now it's fashion files time

.

*tonk tonk*

.

they've been called into the commissioner's office

.

unfortunately, the commissioner in this case is shane, who has no clue what's going on

.

he's like guys you are not actually cops did you know this

.

which results in them having an existential crisis

.

they start giving him all their stuff

.

shane's like guys sort yourselves out you complete weirdos you have singles matches against the usos

.

so they take their stuff back, cheer up, and fandango takes one of shane's doughnuts but leaves him with a water pistol

.

i could type literally anything here and you'd have no reason to doubt it

.

cut to techs preparing the ring for the punjabi celebration

.

cut for ads, and now lights are down and we have indian drumming

.

someone starts singing in punjabi, lights come up, we have like nine guys doing proper indian dancing with staffs and stuff

.

enter the singhs, with indian-style jericho scarfs and less awful shirts than usual

.

this is actually pretty cool, because they've all committed to it

.

the dancers line the ramp as the maharaja enters

.

he has new graphics, and he's stolen the miz's red carpet thing

.

finally reaches the ring, and it's decorated with garlands and stuff

.

dancers surround the ring, still givng it some

.

jbl is very impressed, which is weird given its non-americanness

.

but i guess heels gonna heel

.

after a very long intro, jinder might actually talk

.

this is like a fucking olympic opening ceremony

.

jbl's like what the fuck is wrong with all these people booing, and to my shame i agree with him

.

jinder's just like fuck you all i'm the dude

.

and also you guys are all super racist

.

even jinder's throat is currently against him

.

sunil, samir, someone get him a drink

.

does a thing about randy being in decline, which is kind of objectively true

.

and he's like hey guys i know you guys don't like this celebration but guess what i don't give a shit

.

because i'm here for my people

.

now let me do a thing in punjabi

.

he does so

.

usa chants try and drown him out, because fucking america

.

he finishes, have some pyro

.

jesus, that was more pyro than seemed reasonable

.

fun fact: jinder mahal is canadian

.

(note: yes, heritage is a thing, but i just find that kind of funny)

.

here's a hype graphic for the main event, but now, have some more trash jazz in this lana video

.

still coming soon

.

and now it's time for tag team but not action

.

jey/tyler first

.

day one is still h, apparently

.

even when it's a singles match, tyler gets the breezango music

.

tyler has all his stuff in a box still for some reason

.

tom casually drops a treasure of the sierra madre reference into conversation, retains nerd cred

.

bell rings, jey takes a mic to talk shit at tyler

.

so fandango squirts him with a water pistol and tyler gets a distraction pin

.

and now straight on to fandango/jimmy

.

tyler puts on a grey wig out of his box, taunts jey with some handcuffs, they run around the ring a few times, fandango pins jimmy off the distraction

.

the actual fuck just happened

.

that's not a question, it's a statement

.

that which just happened was the actual fuck

.

fandango tries to taunt them, his mic is also dead

.

so tyler fixes it

.

they want a title rematch again

.

fandango threateningly gyrates at them

.

the usos are like fuck it let's do it live

.

the ref gets a message from backstage, and the match is official

.

so yes, now we have a tag title match now

.

and we're doing the tiny screen/cars 3 trailer thing again

.

tiny picture of the usos beating on tyler

.

and we're finally back

.

yeah, tyler is just getting the piss beaten out of him

.

but then, it;s an ad break

.

that's how this works

.

dramatic double tag, fandango comes in on fire, spin kicks jey in the head like fuck you guys i'm actually a p great wrestler

.

nearfall off a ddt cmbination, jey goes for a falcon arrow but then just smacks fandango's head into the turnbuckle instead

.

double superkicks to both of them, jimmy goes for a superfly splash, fandango counters into a nearfall

.

goes to the top, gets punched in the head

.

jimmy blind tags in, fandango does the last dance on jey, but then jimmy superfly splashes him for the pin

.

nice finish

.

confirmed on reply, that was really nicely coordinated

.

so the usos retain, and i'm ok with this

.

but next it's main event time

.

and i realise i may have earlier said it's kevin/baron

.

it's not, it's kevin/dolph

.

but now, shane's on the phone to someone when nattie comes in to badger him for a title shot

.

until carmella, james and becky come in to tell him why they should have a shot

.

and tamina like you guys have all fucked up title shots, i haven't

.

side effect of never getting one

.

james claims this is because she's secretly in love with him

.

sure

.

and here's charlotte to tell everyone how they suck

.

shane finally cuts through the argument

.

next week, five-way contendership match for the title at mitb

.

and who knows, maybe after that this division can support two angles at the same time

.

advert for the 205 street fight, which i'm looking forward too

.

and a promo from kendrick and his overactive hands

.

fuck off, guy behind the announce table with your too sweet sign

.

back in the ring, we’ve already got three people in

.

and here's kevin

.

clearly we didn't have enough time in this show for shinsuke's full entrance twice

.

kicking off with aj/dolph, because let's save the big pops

.

weird for aj not to be the big pop on a team

.

styles/ziggler has just turned into a dropkick contest

.

double tag, the crowd is hype as fuck

.

kevin just shouts at aj and shinsuke about how they're both losers

.

so shinsuke kicks him in the face some

.

seems fair

.

goes for a kinshasa, kevin rolls out

.

cut for ads, come back to shinsuke infuriating kevin with his weird floppy thing

.

does good vibrations, which pisses kevin off enough to get the offence back

.

dolph tags in, kicks shinsuke in the knee and scrubs his face on the rope

.

his two weak spots

.

dolph does a weird sexual harassment neckbreaker, then into a chickenwing crossface, and it's all a little bit predatory

.

kevin tags, and as ever, only the heels get to be organised

.

they're really not putting shinsuke over as hard as i'd expected

.

but to be fair, i guess with this crowd reaction, he'll be over as fuck whatever happens

.

he could lose every week for a year and everyone would still think he was awesome

.

dolph's still wearing his neon design vest, and all i'm getting from it is that mike pence fucked a horse graphic

.

aj almost tags in, kevin knocks him off the apron and cannonballs shinsuke

.

cut for ads, and when we come back nakamura is still getting fucked on

.

kevin tags dolph back in, shouting for him to take his revenge

.

strike him down, young one

.

dolph gets punched in the face a bunch and bullfought into the post, shinsuke gets the dramatic tag

.

so aj punches everyone to death, ushigoroshi for the nearfall

.

and tom doesn't call it an ushigoroshi, probably cos he can't do it justice

.

aj sets up a styles clash, kevin distracts him long enough for dolph to hotshot him

.

kevin tags in, sentons aj on the floor, puts him up on the apron just so he can kick him off again

.

and then takes a break to taunt nakamura because he can

.

and throws aj into the ring to apply a master headlock

.

aj tries to run the ropes on kevin, he counters into a beautiful back body drop

.

it's like professional vaulting up in here

.

dolph tags in, weirdly caresses aj before headbutting him

.

slow-ass superplex setup, aj escapes but dolph catches him before he can tag

.

so aj just hits a vicious facebuster on him instead

.

maybe lead with that

.

and dramatic double tag, after which shinsuke has regained his flow

.

and proceeds to use his joints to destroy kevin's

.

nearfall until dolph gets involved

.

goes for a famouser, shinsuke dodges, goes for kinshasa, kevin interferes, aj peles him out of the ring, goes for a styles clash, dolph superkicks him out, shinsuke hits kinshasa on kevin for the pin

.

proper chaotic tag finish there

.

shinsuke dances around the ring while aj stands on the turnbuckle like dude we get it calm down

.

kid in the crowd with a violin, i love you

.

aj and shinsuke pose at each other some more, focus on the briefcase, end

.

no advert for talking smack, so i have no idea what that'll be about

.

and nor do you, because i haven't told you

.

unless you've already heard, what with it being like four days ago

.

*shakes fist at the spacetime continuum*