#while a lot of the places with fun-looking cakes are more lackluster in terms of quality

[scribefindegil]

What I've learned from a couple weeks of engagement is that I'm going to be pretty chill and flexible regarding like 98% of wedding stuff however I am already conducting an exhaustive survey of every bakery in our metro area because that is the only way to acquire a cake that lives up to my standards.

[nxncydrews]

midnight in salem: a review

Your girl finally beat Midnight in Salem last night and...I have thoughts. Feelings. Concerns. But also hope? This review is like a year late but whatever. Overall, I didn’t hate the game nearly as much as I thought I would, and I was fully prepared to loathe it. Spoilers are under the cut for anyone who hasn’t played it yet! (also...it’s long lol)

The general gist of it is this: Midnight in Salem is an okay game. There are some glaring issues that I’ll talk about in more detail, but there is a foundation that I feel is strong for the future. Even with the problems I saw I don’t think MID is the weakest in the series (MED and RAN still claim those spots). Let’s break it down.

Good: the mystery. Although I guessed Teegan’s role in the fire early on, I thought the overall storyline was compelling and that they did a good job of intertwining the characters and motivations in ways that wasn’t super obvious. The one problem I did have with the story is I felt like I couldn’t follow up with characters as much as I wanted to. For example, you can go upstairs in the museum and discover pretty early on that the Parry family changed their name from Parris but you can’t ask Teegan about it until she brings it up much later in the game—and even then it’s not something you prompt, it’s something she just gives up.  I also think I found out about things in dialogue before I was supposed to as though branches of the dialogue tree were incorrectly crossed. Despite that, I think the mystery was good...just needed a little more refining to pull it all together. There were also a few threads that didn’t get tied up (do we just assume that Jason mimicked Olivia’s smoke bombs because he watched her in the square?). 

Bad: the linearity. The thing that I loved (and hated) about past games was that you could hit moments where it wasn’t always clear where you were supposed to go next. With MID, however, you were led from location to location with little reason to return to other places when you finished the single task you needed to do. You would start at the Parry’s house, go to town square, make one trip out to Hathorne House, go back to the town square and repeat the next with a random trip to Lauren’s shop instead of Hathorne. And with the lack of locations to begin with...it just felt like it was a small game without much to do. That said, some of my favorite games have had a much smaller setting (TRT, for example) and did it well. So perhaps this issue could’ve been fixed with more complexity added to the puzzles and additional side quests.

Good: the voice acting and characters. Look, I loved Lani as Nancy Drew and she will always have a special place in my heart, but the new voice of Nancy has won me over. She’s got the exact type of energy I imagine and had a more modern voice. I do think she was one of the weakest voice actors in the game (random lines seemed to feel out of place emotionally, but that could just as much be on the editing team as the voice actor), but I still liked her overall. The rest of the voice cast was also great, which helped to carry a script that I felt was weak at moments—there were times when the dialogue was just...bad. The characters as a whole felt unique and fun, and I really loved the interactions between Deirdre and the Hardy Boys. I would argue that the strongest part of the game is the characters, even if I do think they could’ve gone further with some of the friendships and relationships that were hinted throughout the game (Judge Danforth and Jason, Mei and Jason, Teegan/Olivia/Lauren, etc). I also liked that the characters felt more alive...moving around, in multiple places, etc. The positioning of characters when they followed you was...unfortunate at times. Deirdre scared me every time I turned around and navigating the tunnels at the end of the game was nearly impossible with how characters constantly blocked your view. 

Bad: the graphics. This is obviously something that has been complained about since the beginning, and it’s for good reason: the graphics were lackluster. I have a pretty good laptop so I was able to play on high settings, but even then they weren’t nearly as good as I was expecting for how long they worked on the game. The character models are one of the most glaring issues: choppy and awkward animations, a lack of texture and shadows, and those really freaky eyes. The environments, though slightly better, still felt as though they were built from unity assets that the developers picked up off online stores and threw together. I couldn’t stand looking at the leaf piles on the ground or the street outside the Parry house because they were so incredibly flat. The final puzzle scenes felt better to me, as did Olivia’s shop and even the graveyard, so it’s clear that they can do better, but that level (or even higher level) of detail needs to be present in everything. The lighting is another huge issue—it was extremely flat in most parts of the game and took away a lot of the mood that could’ve been set. That said, I think graphics can be improved....if they put in the money and resources.

Good: the puzzles and interact-able objects. The puzzles that we did have in the game were fun and varying, which I think is important in mystery games. Some of the controls in the puzzles were really frustrating (more on the controls later), but there wasn’t a puzzle that I flat-out couldn’t solve. I also liked the way we could rotate objects and see all sides of them but again, the controls were a little frustrating. 

Bad: the number of puzzles. There just wasn’t enough puzzles for me, particularly puzzles that directly affected the storyline. For example, you can find a ripped-up note in the trash can in the Parry house but it’s never referenced again and you don’t actually need to do it to solve the mystery. Same with the piece of the flyer you find in the scarecrow. I think I saw a reddit thread or a post here that suggested things with book sorting or doing stuff with displays in the museum as additional puzzles and I 100% agree that they’d be great (and easy) additions to the storyline. Or maybe even helping Olivia with doing her store inventory (as we see on her list that she clearly doesn’t want to do it). 

Good: the mini-games. I loved the pumpkin quest and making johnny cakes (though I wish we could’ve actually made the various recipes and not have done the flipping part 6 times). I also loved making the herb mixtures! I honestly don’t have any complaints here. I think there was a good amount of them and they were fun to come back to.

Bad: the controls. While I appreciate what HER was trying to do with the controls, I really don’t think they worked. The “looking around” in a scene is cool in theory, but the actual act of dragging around an object was tedious and frustrating. The movement through the town square was really annoying, too—it took me forever to get from one side to the other. I think the yellow glow around the cursor when you found something to interact with could be a little more prominent, too. I think if HER wants to continue using this setup then they need to fix the cursor sensitivity to deal with how slow looking around a scene can be when dragging. I think we also could’ve done with a way to read the logs of conversations because I definitely missed a few things when I looked away for a second. 

Good: Deirdre. Shannon. I love her. So much. She’s absolutely fantastic. Her snark was great and I really appreciated how they gave her autonomy and actively contribute to the case. I would’ve loved for her to be playable (like maybe we follow her to do research on the town or search for the will), but I can’t complain about the amount we saw her. Her scenes with the Hardy Boys were some of my favorite in game....and I really hope we continue to have her as a phone contact in future games (if not see her in person again!). 

Bad: no charm. Despite some high points with characters and the mystery, overall this game just lacked the charm of the past. I know some of this stems from moving to Unity and the subsequent changes to graphics and models, but I really feel like so much of the uniqueness to the games was stripped away as well. There are some easy changes that I think could fix this, starting with the UI and dialogue display and working to improve the lighting and character models. Nancy Drew needs a small amount of grittiness, I think, and a clean, modern look just doesn’t feel right. 

Good: throwbacks to old games. I appreciated that there were some throwbacks to old games mixed in as you went and that some of our old familiar easter eggs popped up (Koko Kringle candy, for one!). I like to think that the black cats in Olivia’s shop were throwbacks to Suki from SAW (though that one is unlikely) and there was also a mention of a Waverly Academy, though I think this was either a mistake or unintentional because the letter is for an art school and Waverly was a boarding school. I was hoping for a Kate Drew reference when on the phone with Carson, but alas. Here’s hoping they continue to bring past games into new ones. 

Bad: the lack of depth. I felt like overall the game only scratched the surface of what it could’ve in terms of bringing in more history and complexity. The lack of puzzles and overly-linear story made it a pretty quick solve and the characters, though interesting, could’ve done with more interaction with each other. More puzzles, more history, and more side quests could’ve helped with this immensely. (Oh, and get rid of the ridiculous side love triangle and manufactured drama with Ned and Nancy. That’s something worth it’s own post, however.)

tl;dr I wouldn’t go so far to say that MID was a roaring success or met the expectations I had for the game, but I do think there is hope for the future if we get more games. The mystery was solid and there are some good things that came from it, but they’ve got a lot of work to do to bring the next game back to the quality level that we saw in past eras. If anything, this did make me want to play through all the old games in order again, which I haven’t wanted to do in years. 

Time to go open photoshop and make all the Mei/Jason and Frank/Deirdre graphics and get back in the edit game!  

[oneletterwrites]

-But squares are even better

Part 2 with a happy end! Of Triangles are the strongest shape. Hope you enjoy!

Summary: While Patton, Roman, and Virgil are enjoying each other’s company, Logan is left out. He supposes that’s for the best, as a non emotional trait, they don’t really need him in the way...

..But he’s very, very, wrong.

Based off this (X)

Pairing: Pinning for Logan Lamp/Calm, polyamsanders.

Warnings: Some swears, a bit of a panic attack, sadness! Angst! Feelings of not being wanted, CUDDLES.

Logan went about his days as he always had. No matter the break down, no matter the heart ache. Routine had to continue and he would be a fool to break that routine. Days would go on and so would he for better or worse. Still the pain lingers and likes to be felt, and as much as he would try to push away that hurt, he knows it will still be there. There is not much he can do about it.

Maybe he could try and ‘get over’ his feelings, but knowing how it feels to actually love someone, all three of them, he’s not sure he can give that up. For just a quick moment thinking of them makes him happy. Just a quick moment of their smiling faces with their legs all tangled up on the couch, laughing and enjoying themselves. The most amazing thing he has ever seen and all he ever wants to see. For that quick moment, he’s blissfully happy.

But he’s sad the rest of the time and there’s no way the others would ever understand. They understand sadness of course, how could they not? But they won’t understand how he could be sad. One of Roman’s ever present nicknames ‘Robo Logo’ clearly reminds him that they don’t see him as someone with feelings, someone with the capacity to love.

He has feelings, has come to terms with them on a basic level even if they do frustrate him to no end on good days. Little nuisances that mess with his head. There is little peace in knowing which feelings they are and for what reason, but at least he can explain it should someone ask him. If someone would ask him. Ask him.

The idea makes his throat tight with unsaid hopes. An inkling of want and he’s putting his head in his hands once more. Maybe just a day he would like to pass without dreaming of one of them, any of them, asking him how he feels about it all. Maybe then he could be honest and tell them how much it hurts to be left out. Tell them how much he does feel. How much he does feel for them all.

That day is not today even as he takes a look longingly at his closed door, hearing laughter on the other side of the hall where they play some silly hand game that Patton made up. There’s a shout from Roman, another bout of laughter from Patton, and if he listens ever so carefully a soft snort from Virgil. It makes him smile to hear them enjoying themselves. It makes his heart hurt to have not been invited.

He excused himself right after he finished eating, the day growing heavy on his shoulders and the sight of them starting to cuddle worming dangerous emotions in his stomach. They did not question his leave. He is not surprised. They never truly have before. Yet regardless of the voice telling him to keep his eyes forward, his head tilted just enough to catch sight of a soft sad look in Patton’s eyes.

He tried to work and yet couldn’t bring himself to do so. As much as he would rather spend this time doing something productive, reading, writing, making plans, it all comes back to them and their happiness just a wooden door away. They would not have him. With much effort he pulls himself away from his cluttered desk and to the bed, crawling in between the sheets and their lackluster warmth.

With a lazy wave of his hand soft music plays in his room, just loud enough to block out their voices to lull him to sleep. He breathes as evenly as he can, hoping tomorrow he will be able to handle his emotions better.

--

Patton bites his lip, the image of Logan walking away with that kind of pained look in his eyes has him questioning so many things and yet nothing at all. Should he go check on him? The music that plays tells him no because that’s Logan’s ‘trying to sleep’ music and he wouldn’t interrupt that. Maybe something happened earlier in the day to make him lose appetite too? He didn’t eat very much at dinner. Though Roman attempting romance by feeding Virgil hadn’t gone exactly to plan and there had been a bit of a mess to clean up.

“Something’s wrong,” Virgil says suddenly stopping their little game of Patton-cake. He’s rocking back and forth, eyes darting from corner to corner and never resting on one spot.

“What is my love?” Roman asks calmly placing a hand gently on Virgil’s leg.

“Something,” Virgil insists. Patton sighs, twisting his fingers together. That something is probably Logan and it makes his tummy feel bad. He can feel their emotions to a small extent and the sadness that wafts from Logan every so often is aching. He feels a wisp of that now.

“I want to tell him,” He whispers. Roman blinks at him dumbly while Virgil continues to rock, now twisting the sleeve of his jacket between his teeth. Patton nods to himself then looks up to meet their eyes.

“I’m going to tell Logan,” There’s a fire in his belly, determination to do something to ease that sadness. Roman runs a hand through his hair, somehow it falls back to it’s perfect wave.

“That’s a baaad idea,” Virgil warns quietly. Patton knows this. 

“I’m going to do it anyway.” Gosh darn it his love for Logan has been pushed aside for too long and gosh darn he deserves to know. When was the last time any of them told Logan they love him? Far too long in his opinion.

“It could, change something..” Roman trails off, his eyes scrunching up as his mind whirls a million ideas and paths and outcomes and dreams of what could be. The slight smirk on his face tells Patton that Roman is at least open to the idea.

“I can’t think about it, it will freak me out too much,” Virgil shakes his head, getting rid of his own whirling thoughts down a much darker path. Patton giggles and crawls over to practically sit in his lap. Roman shifts to be behind Virgil and wraps his arms around the both of them from behind.

“Tomorrow?” He suggests. There’s a shared cautious look.

“Tomorrow.”

--

Music is still playing when he wakes up. It’s pleasant. He makes a note on the pad of paper next to his bed to at least look up a study on sleeping with music versus without it. Perhaps it could lessen his mood swings. He doesn’t feel as emotionally heavy this morning which makes him only a little hopeful it will be a decent day.

The frantic knock on his door is unexpected. He furrows his brows and makes sure his appearance is at least semi decent before opening the door to a very panicked Virgil. His hands are shaking and his eyes are wide, shifting from spot to spot. Logan knows what heartache is and that’s all he feels seeing such a look on Virgil’s face.

“Virgil what is wrong?”

“I DON’T KNOW.” Virgil screams at him then clamps both hands over his mouth at hearing the echo. Logan blinks at him and the steps to the side, ushering him in. Virgil scampers in and begins spinning wildly, insecurity in his stance. It’s his whole body shaking now.

“Virgil look at me,” Logan places his hands on the anxious trait’s shoulders, coaxing him to sit on the floor. Virgil basically falls but it’s easier to calm him from a lower height as well as press his back to the bed post for some sort of stability. Logan moves his hands from Virgil’s shoulders to his hands, holding one and placing the other on his chest and covering it.

“Breathe with me,” He says evenly and begins to recite a poem, something long ago Virgil mentioned liking with his head down afraid the others would make fun of him. Logan had read the poem so many times to memorization. It’s coming in handy now so he’s glad he did.

Slowly but surely Virgil’s breathing is even with his, steady and grounding him to a better reality. Logan finishes the poem knowing it would bug him to not do so, taking a second to enjoy the feel of Virgil’s hand warm on his chest, then realizing what position they are in and letting Virgil go.

“Are you better?” He asks as calmly as he can. Virgil nods, still taking long slow breaths.

“I don’t know what happened,” Virgil admits with a twist in his mouth. Logan nods. He gets to his feet and helps Virgil up, letting go of his hand as soon as possible though he’d rather hold on. He doesn’t pry on the beginnings of the panic attack, it’s not his business. He walks behind Virgil when he heads to the door.

“Uhm, thanks,” It’s mumbled but it means a lot. Logan fights the urge to hug Virgil, knowing the other isn’t too fond of surprise contact, or would want a hug from him. Virgil shifts from foot to foot outside the door, staring at the ground. It’s tempting to ask him if something else is the matter but Virgil snaps his eyes up to meet Logan’s and speaks before he can.

“I love you.” It’s quick and hurried, just like the way Virgil takes off down the hall immediately after without waiting for a response. Not that Logan has one with his jaw dropped and now staring at the wall across from his room. He must have heard wrong. No he didn’t hear wrong. He closes the door as quietly as he can.

Love him? Preposterous. Foolish to get your hopes up is what that is. He doesn’t mean it that way. Friends, helped him down from a panic attack, nothing more. He can hear the others talking in the kitchen area with excited voices. Don’t think about it, don’t dwell on it, don’t believe it. He summons water and downs the glass, finally managing to rid himself of that lump that appeared since Virgil left his sight.

It’s nothing more than a simple slip, probably said out of feeling gratitude for helping him calm down. That seemed plausible, not outlandish in the least. He’s seen Virgil give small gifts to those who help him with such episodes, and this is merely just another one of those gifts. Maybe a cruel gift if looked at in a very Virgil way, but Logan doesn’t think Virgil capable of that kind of cruelty. As rude as he is, he knows Virgil to be kind and many more wonderful things.

With a shake of his head, heart pounding trying to get rid of the nagging thoughts, he grabs a book to distract him and heads to the common room for breakfast. He needs something to get his mind off those words and what he hopes they mean or he will drive himself mad. Thankfully no one else is in the commons, the time later than he normally would head down since he needed to help Virgil. He’s almost thankful for the solitude.

There’s a small plate of something still warm on the table with a little sticky note with his name on it and a doodle of a dog. Patton’s handiwork. Logan takes the post it and puts it on the inside of his book for a potential bookmark later. The food is good as it always is and after the plate is put in the proper place, he sits on the couch and begins to read.

“Watchu reading there Specs?” There’s a weight on the cushion behind him and he glances up at Roman, smirking like the devil does and reading over his shoulder. Logan huffs.

“Introductory to the Discovery of Stars “ Maybe considered boring, but stars will always fascinate him. Roman snorts.

“I’m surprised at it being introductory with how smart you are~” It comes out a purr and Logan pushes up his glasses.

“You must start somewhere,” He says plainly back wondering what the sudden interest is in what he’s reading. Roman snorts again and hops over the back of the couch to land next to Logan. He spends a minute laying down, getting comfy, then plops his head right on Logan’s leg for a pillow. There’s a smirk on his face when Logan freezes up and blinks down at him not sure how to react.

“Read to me Teach?” Roman asks with that damn charming smile. Logan couldn’t deny that if he wanted to. He narrows his eyes though in annoyance at the sudden demand and clears his throat. It’s easy to read, his voice getting a little more loud when something he considers more interesting is brought up. Roman gets comfortable in his spot with a smile on his face.

Every few pages Logan will look past the cover to Roman’s relaxed face and closed eyes, wondering if he’s fallen asleep. Surely this can’t be too interesting to the royal. Yet every time the silence drags on just a little too long, Roman opens his eyes and smiles wide.

“Keep going,” He says. Logan does so. Roman is far to encouraging for his own good. Far too many things. Extra is the word he uses, and it suits Roman perfectly. Hours pass and he closes the book halfway through, an alarm on his phone telling him it’s time to start a bit of work seeing as he did none the day before. Roman rolls off the couch and holds out a hand to help him up. Logan tentatively takes it.

“Thank you my dear, your voice is enchanting,” Roman bows low and places a kiss to Logan’s knuckles further flustering him. Logan is sure he’s not seeing things correctly.

“Quite exquisite I must say, all the more reason to love you,” Roman winks and saunters off. Now Logan is sure he’s not hearing things correctly. That’s surely not what Roman said. No, can’t be. Roman out of all of them knows very well the weight of words of love. For all Logan thinks he’s reckless he knows the royal is far from careless to do such a thing.

He’s in a bit of a daze as he walks back to his room and to his papers to maybe work on a bit of scheduling for Thomas. He barely registers the even more excited talking coming from Patton’s room. Once the door is closed he flicks his wrist to play a soft symphony, anything to try and ease his thoughts from running him ragged.

The work is a welcome distraction, should it actually work as a distraction. His mind keeps going back to what happened earlier in the day. First Virgil, then Roman. His nerves are shot and he’s not sure about how much more he can take. The hope is driving him mad.

They had said what he thought they said, and he’s not sure how they mean it. Surely being together so much as aspects would have made them close for a platonic sense of the word, but the possibility of them meaning it in the way he so desperately wants it to be drains him of all energy to do anything. Nothing productive gets done.

He’s brought out of hiding by the rumbling in his stomach caused by a delicious smell from the kitchen. He hesitates at the door, hand shaking. Seeing Virgil and Roman alone had been fine, but seeing them all together for the first time, which he knows they will be as Patton loves his ‘family dinners’, he’s not certain he can handle it. He steels the rest of his frayed nerves and opens the door.

“There he is!” Patton cheers once he sees Logan appear. Logan sighs and keeps his eyes straight ahead and away from Roman sitting on the couch with Virgil curled up in his lap. They didn’t mean it.

“Yes here I am, would you like assistance with anything?” He asks the practiced statement, asking it every time he joins them for meals unless the table is already set. Patton hums in thought.

“Can you get some plates please?” His smile is bright and it makes Logan lose his words. He nods instead and helps set the cutlery on the table as well. Patton giggles.

“Can you try this for me?” He waves Logan to the kitchen, holding out a spoon of sauce for the pasta. Logan huffs and does.

“Wonderful cooking as always,” Is the easy compliment, something he has always said when Patton asks him to try something. Nothing new, nothing to be taken out of context. Patton sighs in relief.

“I was worried I made it bad,” He giggles. Logan narrows his eyes just a small bit but keeps his mouth shut. They sit for dinner, Roman desperately trying like he always does when they have pasta to get someone to mimic that scene from the movie with the dogs. Patton as always complies with this request. Something awful stirs in Logan’s chest.

What ever Roman and Virgil said must be untrue. Something rude and twisted, but it’s not above Roman to pull pranks, or for Virgil to get in on those pranks. It is cruel though and it leaves his pasta tasting bland. He barely eats but that’s fine by him. His bitterness leaves him no appetite. He gives one word answers if they ask him something, not engaging in conversation. He ignores their glances between each other. Perhaps it is his cue to leave. They don’t want him.

He stands abruptly, taking his plate, and still somehow politely waits for the others to pass their dishes along so he can take them all to the sink. Patton giggles as Logan heads to the kitchen.

“Thank you Logan! Love you~” That’s the last straw. A joke. Cruel and rude but never in his lifetime something so mean that Patton would play along with. Twisting his feelings up is far from moral and how could he do that? How could Patton ever play a joke as mean. It’s not possible and Logan snaps.

The dishes clatter in the sink as he drops them forcefully, almost throwing them and he’s sure at least one of them broke. There’s silence as he steps back from the counter, looking down at his hands wondering why, why, did he do that. Breathing comes in short bursts. He’s angry and so very confused.

“What. Is your problem?” Logan jerks his head up to stare wide eyed at Virgil, eyes narrowed and an incredulous look on his face. Roman places a hand on Virgil’s shoulder to calm him and stands. Patton has hands over his mouth, looking as if he may cry in surprise.

“You’ve been essentially rude for the past hour what is ailing you?” Roman asks him coming closer. When Logan takes a step back he stops. They all know enough about sensory overload from Virgil and causing a panic is not something any of them want.

“I-” Words run dry. He doesn’t have an answer. An answer that would end with this passing as easily as possible. There is no easy way out, and he’s sick of hiding how he’s feeling. He swallows hard.

“I can’t- I can’t handle this,” He stutters out. He can’t stand the pain of watching from the corners, can’t stand being left out of their soft moments, can’t handle knowing they won’t ever feel the same.

“I know, I understand that you all-” He swallows again, eyes searching the ground for something sensible to speak. He won’t look at them, it will hurt too much to see the rejection in their eyes and misses the pain they all express.

“I apologize, for pushing this on you all, but it hurts,” He manages to say. Against his better judgement he peeks at them, a sick sense of relief not seeing that rejection, but a sad misunderstanding.

“I understand that you do not want me to be apart of your romantic relationship, but it’s too much to see any more and be left out of your musings.” He grits his teeth, hands clenched tight in front of him, willing tears to be forgotten to him for at least another day. He can feel them pricking at his eyes anyway.

“Please excuse me,” He says quickly and tries to brush past Roman and back to the safety and solitude of his room. Roman blocks his path though, his expression set to determination to stop Logan from leaving. He grabs Logan’s arm and he jumps back. Logan doesn’t have the energy to get around him, can’t risk getting touched again by something so warm, something he can’t have, will never have.

“Logan,” It’s so soft, so gentle he feels like breaking down just at the sound of his own name coming out of Patton’s mouth. It takes all of his resolve to not show too much as Patton slowly rises from his chair and comes closer, there are tears in his eyes too.

“Logan do you not believe we love you?” And does it hurt.

“How could you?” He asks in disbelief. Patton inhales sharply. He carefully looks to the others, a deep pain in their faces and sadness he can practically feel. He drops his head.

“I know that you all perceive me to be an emotionless creature but I- I do. I- I love- I love-” The words won’t come out. He feels them so much and to admit them now is too much.

“Logan,” Patton says again. Logan inhales a shaky breath.

“Logan, Logan,” Patton is pleading. Logan can see him reaching his hands up, part of him wants to back away and run. Run far away from all the emotions running him ragged but then, oh then, Patton’s hands are on his cheeks, thumbs brushing away tears he didn’t eve realize he let slip by and all is lost. He lets out a choked sound and is pulled into a hug so tight it leaves him fumbling to hold himself up.

Patton is warm, and wraps his arms around him so tightly it’s grounding in a way. His hands rub up and down in a comforting manner. Logan presses his eyes into Patton’s neck as his hands turn to claws on Patton’s back, clinging to him like a lifeline he didn’t even know he needed, but he knows he needed this, needed everything Patton would ever have to offer. His sobs are fairly silent, just the uneasy inhales give away his emotional outbreak.

Patton pulls back all too soon hands back on Logan’s cheeks. There’s a reassuring smile on his face and redness around his eyes to prove his own tears. Logan sniffles and tenses as arms wrap around his waist from behind. Roman rest his chin on Logan’s shoulder and it makes Logan wonder if Roman has done this before with those in distress he has saved once upon a time. Maybe he shrinks a little into the hold, wanting to feel that protection that Roman caries for longer than he might ever be able to.

“We know you’re not emotionless, we just never thought you would want us like this,” Patton tells him gently rubbing his red cheeks softly. Logan blinks dumbly at him.

“I had been under the impression none of you would want me.” There’s a harsh laugh and Logan looks to Virgil standing just at the entry way to the kitchen, holding himself tightly and rubbing at an eye harshly.

“I don’t know if I should slap you or kiss you,” He says roughly, offering up a half smile to Logan. The idea makes Logan look back to the ground. Perhaps either option would be nice at this point. 

“It would make sense however,” His tone is even like he would during a lecture. The arms on his waist tense and Patton tilts his head in confusion. Logan takes a steady breath.

“Being a less emotional trait, having me involved could be counterproductive to your overall happiness.” That’s a bad feeling in his chest but still his words are no less true to himself. He’s spun around to face Roman, his entire body freezing at being so close to the royal, so close to seeing the absolute adoration in his eyes. 

He’s seen this look before, mostly directed at Virgil or Patton. It causes a pounding in his heart to be on the receiving end.

“You believe we do not want you, that we do not long for you the way you might have longed for us. I know you want to be correct in all you do, but Logan,” Roman gives a wry smile. “For once let yourself be wrong.”

The tone is so pleading. Roman looks as if he’s about to cry as well but puts up a strong front. Logan forgets to take in air until he’s forced to with the way Patton crashes his face into his back, rubbing his face back forth hazardously between Logan’s shoulder blades and making pouty noises to complete the action. 

At a sudden weight on his sleeve he glances to the side surprised to see Virgil there. He’s looking at the ground with his face twisted but the grip he has on Logan’s sleeve is so tight his knuckles turn white. There’s so much around him and Logan doesn’t think he’s ever been encased in such a loving embrace. He sighs and sinks into the hold on him and for the world hopes it never ends.

--

“So I knew Patton would be the easiest to confess to, which is why I told him first you know?” Roman’s voice is calm like he’s reading a bedtime story though none of them want sleep. They are in Roman’s room however, sitting on his bed and piled into each other. Roman and Patton are sitting shoulders pressed together, backs to the wall and pillows cushioning their heads.

“He glowed bright pink when I told him it was so beautiful to see,” Roman’s musings cause the ceiling to shift into a hazy view of the scene he’s describing. Patton giggles tilting his head into Roman’s shoulder in embarrassment.

“So we just started being romantically involved, no use hiding how we feel when it’s mutual as far I’m concerned.” Logan feels tender from his break down, his head resting on Roman’s chest, feeling it rumble when he laughs and secure in the arms that are wrapped around his belly. His back is warm from his leaning on Roman, legs spread out long and crossed at the ankles with Roman’s legs on either side of his.

“Of course Virgil’s anger felt like rain, but when you finally told us how you felt it was like the clouds parted,” Roman laments with a dreamy sound in his voice. Virgil snorts and turns his head to hide in Patton’s shoulder. Patton sits criss-cross with his arms wrapped tightly around Virgil who sits sideways, sideways so he can put his legs over both Logan’s and Roman’s.

“You left the room when he told us,” Roman tells him specifically. “That had been I suppose the big thought that you didn’t want to be involved.” Logan sighs and curls a little in on himself. The ceiling portrays that moment in a fog.

“I had, perhaps foolishly thought, that maybe Virgil and I could bond in our mutual upset.” He doesn’t like admitting his thought process but honesty is the best policy and he’s exposed enough as it is. When Virgil’s legs press down on his he feels okay to be exposed.

“We could’ve, maybe,” Virgil shrugs, not saying much else. It’s a small comfort to the past.

“For so long we thought you just didn’t like the romantic feelsy things,” Patton says with a small laugh. Logan sighs again.

“I may not be the best when it comes to emotional events, a reason for how long it took me to admit it at all.” It’s not the best reason, but one the others accept by shifting closer as much as they can. Roman begins to hum, the ceiling once again changing, this time to stars in random patterns and shapes, some Logan recognizes from his book.

It had been Roman’s idea, of course, to re-tell from their side of things why they thought Logan did not want to be involved. Logan agreed, if only to see if the story would settle some uneasy feelings in himself as to why they never bothered to ask. It does. With the way Roman tells him his perspective, it’s easy to see why they would think they way they did. He can’t be upset with them for that.

Patton shifts with his tongue sticking out a little to get the right spot to be able to pry a leg out from under Virgil and put it over Logan’s as well. He looks down at their limbs, recognizing whose leg is whose, something he had never really been able to do before. He takes a deep breath and leans more into Roman’s hold, arms tightening silently in response.

“Virgil? How are you feeling?” Logan finds himself asking. After the morning panic, and then all the intense emotions, he wouldn’t be surprised if Virgil needed to say something. The anxious trait twists up his nose.

“Something’s... right.” He ends up saying. Patton giggles and nuzzles him while Roman laughs. A smile finds a way to Logan’s face as Virgil grumbles. The moment is soft, loving and sweet. He wanted to be involved in moments like this. A hard tension in his chest finally releasing at the inclusion. He catches Patton’s eye. There’s an adoring smile on the father figure’s face, one that he can return in his own way, taking Patton’s hand to curl their fingers together when offered.

In a mathematical sense, triangles hold more power in their shape than any other. Three points are needed to order to make anything other than a line. Each end connected to the other. Each piece supporting the other. It makes every other shape in a series of patterns. Logan looks at how they are connected. Each person holding another, strong and stable and sure. Yes triangles are the strongest shape, but squares are even better.

--

Thank you all so much for your support ahh!!

Tag List: @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch, @princeyssash, @awesomelissawho, @authordrawingmusic, @a-blog-just-for-sanders, @lizziepopanime, @fandoms-n-ship, @fandolover, @backatthebein, @redundant-statements-for-400, @artistgracie,  @cookieartcannon, @demonickittykat, @msprettyweird, @sunshine-goblin, @tree4life25, @karszy, @novagalaxy4real, @leafygreendisaster, @sylveon-lover-crazyfangirl1415, @silver-owl413, @somewhatsanders, @thepusheenqueen, @colinthehatter, @loganpatton, @erentry, @cakercanart, @nerdy-emo-royal-dad

[delcat177]

My Dinner With Garfield: An AppVenture

Just because you’re smiling doesn’t mean you haven’t drowned --They Might Be Giants, Dark and Metric

There was a time in my life where I genuinely enjoyed Garfield.  There has never NOT been a time in my life where I haven’t genuinely enjoyed free money.  I consider myself a warrior of fortune--you can daily find me dutifully filling out surveys and watching ads in various services that will give you gift cards for being a cog in the capitalist machine, and I’ll put my hand in toward anything promising semi-paid semi-labor.

This is especially true with ground-floor terribly-planned enterprises, which is how I was able to legally flimflam Bing out of $15 worth of gift cards by searching for pictures of animals once a day.  So of course after the initial wave of nausea and secondhand embarrassment over Garfield Go, I was installing it and ready to see how effectively I--and any other card-hunters--could grin and bear my way to some free Starbucks.

The Garfield emulation is so complete that you already know the punchline before reading it, but come along, won’t you?

WARNING: Yes I will be comparing it to Pokemon Go.  To be fair, it knows EXACTLY what it’s doing.

WARNING THE SECOND: I batch-edited these and Tumblr doesn’t like the size, but in keeping with the true Garfield spirit, I’m too lazy to edit them again.  You’re not missing anything.

The first thing I managed to do was break the app.  I disallowed AR, thinking that it would have a stock background similar to PoGo, because that shit eats battery like...God, I don’t have it in me to make a lasagna joke, just let it be said that rather than issue a warning, it went to an entirely black screen.  I fixed it manually and was greeted with Not Garfield on my coffee table, demanding food.  Contrary to his nature, he refused to eat anything I didn’t curveball directly into his dish.  My sister and warrior-in-apps commented on how I managed to land it in on my second try, and I realized I actually had an edge from never giving up on PoGo.  Not a lot of edge, and not enough to get it more than one out of three times, but it set my spirits moderately high.

I did some checking around in the app, and wasn’t able to find much to do while stationary except bake food.  I wasn’t sure what it was for, but when an app tells you to do a free time-based thing, you do it, and I threw a lasagna on.  I was offered the option to bake it immediately for more in-game currency than it cost to buy one.  I had a couple thousand free starter coins but also first-grade math skills, and declined.

The time was ripe.  After trading comments on how janky the controls were (you have to use two fingers in a twisting motion to change the map view, which is one of the dirtiest sounding and looking mechanics I've seen since jerk-off jogging in Wii Fit), my sister and I parted ways and the experiment began.

My nightly walks tend to be heavy on the “nightly”.  This led to the game’s first flaw disguised as a perk: While it’s true that it will gladly put its Pokestops anywhere (they’re Bistros here), “anywhere” includes “your neighbor’s apartment”.  They’re also full minigames, which means instead of giving your phone a quick swipe, you stop dead and play a lackluster Simon expy, because there is nothing less awkward and likely to get security called on you than standing in front of someone’s house at 11:42 at night silently tapping away on your phone for an extended period of time.  I threw the game, got some free food, and quickly moved on before I had to explain my motivations.

Things got dark fast.  I mean that literally.  One of the other reasons forced AR is a problem is that it isn’t built for nighttime play.  Every time I tapped a hotspot, it gave me a “Waiting For GPS” screen before dropping Goblinfield in pitch black, enticing me to appease him with baked sacrifices.  It’s a simple mechanic: If you successfully pitch food into his dish, Gerbfield will eat and then find a chest for you to open.  It’s also a highly broken one.  The food items are all made of lead that turns into rubber on the impact, requiring an unsatisfying Herculean toss to pitch a piece of cake that’ll most likely either miss or bounce back out again.  You get three tries, which is somewhat generous, but the sheer frustration nullifies it.  My frustration was amplified on the realization that GarGo does not allow you to throw high enough to even possibly hit Goobfield in the face.

"Hey kids, wanna see where I hid Lyman's body?  Tap the box."

One of the things that is admittedly sort of clever is having a button to tap to refresh hotspots.  One of the things that is not is not instructing the player that it's there.  I was a third of the way through my usual route before I noticed it and could begin playing again.  I stopped for a moment to relate the information to my sister. She replied that the app was claiming she was ten blocks from where she was and near an inexplicable horseshoe-shaped structure.  I took a side-by-side of where I was to relate GerBo's...relaxed attitude toward geography and also the laws of physics.

Novelty was running low, but I got a boost in determination from getting my first gift card...fragment?

Well, that explained how the gift card scenario was going to shake down.  I could guess how many first pieces of the promised $100 gift card were already being given out and how few of the next two would ever be found, much less that golden fourth, but that was fine.  I play these for the little prizes, not the big ones, because expecting to win anything that isn't roughly 1/80,000th the value they squeeze out of you is a recipe for disappointment.  I kept going.

The hotspots led me into the local Safeway, which happened to also house a Pokestop, and I ran flat against a new flaw: The game is NOT subtle.  PoGo can be played with relative normalcy 80% of the time, since you can turn AR off and keep marching staunchly ahead as you catch.  GerfCo requires either violently whipping around at 180 degrees or slowly turning the same distance with your phone up like a pod person, and I was quickly pressed to decide which was worse.  I ended up buying a candy bar as a social apology for looking like a jerk in a public place and hopefully as an unspoken excuse for being there.  Upon doing so, I realized I didn't have any cash on hand and was paying for a dollar candy bar at midnight in Safeway with a credit card, which made me look like a right pillock instead of a jerk, but now one hundred pennies deep into this venture, I soldiered on, chocolate in hand.

I had noticed by this point that the food system was tiered, so I switched to the one piece of lasagna starting the game had given me and stuck the landing. This gave me a "better chance" of finding the highest-tier chest, but I was unsurprised that it wasn't one.  I was more surprised by what was inside.

I hope you weren't expecting "that $100 gift card".  Ah, yes, Garfield's trademark white fedora, the one he's so known for wearing.  Compelled to take every chance available to make this experience as viscerally unpleasant as possible, I equipped it immediately.

This is why I need meninism.

Things weren't getting better.  The next refresh of the hotspots spawned absolutely every one on the other side of the street.  I was now adding "crossing the road in the middle of the night" to the list of fun-filled family activities GlorpNo had to offer.  I had run out of food and was now using the in-game currency to buy it fresh.  My iPod, which has slowly developed sentience over the years, kept shuffling up Mountain Goats songs.  I was starting to feel distinctly unnerved.

PoGo wasn't averse to getting its two cents in on the matter.

Standing outside of a dimly lit Pizza Hut where the cashier was closing out their drawer and probably wondering if the guy whipping around in half-circles outside the building was planning the world's illest-advised burglary, I won a comic strip panel.  Not a comic strip. A single panel.  Despite the ability to look up literally every Garfield strip ever made on multiple platforms with a casual Google search, I was being given a single panel of a single strip as a hallowed reward.  I pictured a small child working for days for the RNG to let them read a three-panel strip in full, staring bleakly at the one they had in the meantime and wondering if it was the punchline or the setup.  

I began redefining my understanding of the term "liminal space".

By this point, I was entirely out of food, nearly out of coins, and on my last percentage of patience.  As if sent by Jim Davis’ automated humorbot itself begging me to reconsider, I got a notification that the lasagna I had started making an hour and a half ago was done.  I hauled ass to the next hotspot and got ready to make good.

Yeah you all saw that coming.  You know, Globeel, if I tossed a fiver toward a busker’s case and it landed behind it, they would just pick it up.  I know it’s food but 1) you’re a cat 2) you are Garfield the Cat (question mark heavily implied) 3) at least the busker offers a return service.

I need to state that at this point I was actually going to stay with this game, despite my readily apparent feelings on it.  It's not fun, it's not a mentally rewarding experience, but I am by nature a patient person, and I was willing to stick with it for the eventual gains.  That's how you win at these things--being willing to put the time in for the gradual increments to stack up.  I was actually looking forward to going home and checking in on food I was baking and slowly going after the gold.

Then I decided to check what I had earned so far, and the entire thing came to a screeching halt.

Here’s the grift, folks, here's how the carnival game works.  Remember how the system is tiered?  You have to have the highest-tier item to get a chance of seeing one of those diamond chests, and there's no guarantee the piece will be inside.  Again, it takes an hour and a half to bake one piece of lasagna, or else 350 coins to buy one.  You get a small handful of coins from chests and a slightly larger handful if you finish a "trinket" collection, but unless you are willing to devote your waking hours to the game, your recourse is buying your way there.  And...how much are those coins?

Yyyyyeah.  It's Vegas, baby.  You pay to play and the house always wins.

So, friendly fast-buck-sters, this app definitely isn't worth it for money value.  If it was a matter of staying inside and rolling the dice while I multitask, I might be on board for chasing the golden ticket, but GlerbGubler demands all of your attention in public spaces and turns out Sisyphean as a result, if Sisyphus was constantly aware of how awkward he looked pushing that damned boulder. Play Lucktastic, join e-rewards, get into the sites that actually reward you consistently for a reasonable amount of effort.  Your time does have value, so make sure it's honored.

I uninstalled the app on the way home.  Deleted all the data I had, torched it. Stood on the sidewalk laughing, watching it burn, all tabby cat orange and lasagna sauce red.  Then I put on a top 40 station, got on the Hollywood Freeway, headed north.

Never could stand that cat.

[theotherboywhonevergrewup]

MY TOP 10 SONGS OF 2018

Disclaimer: These are certainly not the “best” in terms of musical quality, nor are they what I think are the “best.”  They’re not even my favorite songs of 2018.  They are simply the 10 songs I find to be most defined the year 2018 for me.

I think the first thing I should mention is that Rihanna had released absolutely zero songs this year.  She did not even feature on one, which is the first year that this has happened ever since she started her career.  This also means this is the very first time she has not made this list.  Hope to hear new music in 2019!  I would also like to give an honorable mention to “Lost in Japan” by Shawn Mendes which was on this list before I arranged it.

10. “Give Yourself a Try” by The 1975

And I was 25 and afraid to go outside A millennial that baby-boomers like Won't you give yourself a try?

I had the honor of seeing The 1975 live in 2017, and it was an incredible show.  The band’s lights perfectly matched the mood of each of the songs, taking the crowd through an emotional rollercoaster.  Most notably their hit “Somebody Else” took everyone to a different place.  Their 2018 release, A Brief Inquiry into Online Relationships, is another definitive 1975 album, with songs like “Be My Mistake,” “Sincerity is Scary,” “It’s Not Living (If It’s Not With You),” “Surrounded by Heads and Bodies,” “Mine,” and “I Couldn’t Be More In Love” being my favorites.  “Give Yourself a Try” gets the 10th place on this list because it was the most prominent single that made the biggest impact on me.  In true 1975 manner, it lyrically dives into a dark place with mentions of fear of growing old, STDs, suicide, depression, and drug addiction, but all oddly over Joy Division’s “Disorder” bright guitar riff and bouncy drums.  This song is the epitome of singer and writer Matt Healy’s open honesty about such subjects but in a positive way, moreso as advice given to their younger selves but more importantly their fans.  Ironically, I also struggled with anxiety and depression when I was 25, so this song speaks to me in that you’re never alone and you live and you learn.  He’s encouraging us to let go of all those fears and things that don’t matter and really give ourselves a try.

9. “Get It” by Busta Rhymes featuring Missy Elliott and Kelly Rowland

Every time we step up in the spot Homie, I'ma take yo shine from you Homie, you ain't got the slightest clue Diamonds'll shine with the brightest blue

I’m not the biggest Busta Rhymes fan, but he has been such a constant presence ever since I was little, so his songs have always gotten me hyped up.  Even moreso, Missy Elliott was always playing in the house when I was little.  “Get Ur Freak On” was one of the most memorable tracks of my childhood.  Last but certainly not least, Kelly Rowland is absolutely one of my favorite singers ever.  Her new single “Kelly” was her first main artist release in five years and it does not disappoint.  It’s such a banger, and I love how she continues to grow in her confidence.  Something about having all three of these people on one track really got me going.  It felt like bringing back my childhood but also felt so fresh.  Busta and Missy do not hold back, and their raps were a stark contrast to the ever-popular mumble rap of 2018.  Not saying that there’s anything wrong with mumble rap necessarily; it’s just not my cup of tea.  My only gripe with this song is I wish that Kelly was on it more than just the sample.  Even then, I can’t be that mad because it goes so hard!

8. “Love Lies” by Khalid and Normani

If you're down, don't hide it Feelin' me, you don't gotta deny it Baby you gon' make me overnight it Tell me, are you down?

Last year, Khalid’s “Location” made my 2017 list.  I had mentioned that none of his other tracks really stood out to me, but I was hopeful for his future releases.  Well, “Love Lies” certainly does not disappoint.  Again, the slower, bumping R&B beat really supported Khalid’s smooth, deeper vocals sliding on top.  I am a sucker for duets, and who better to add to this track than the smoothest Fifth Harmony member Normani.  While she vocally may be on the weaker end of her former group, her voice perfectly fits this type of song as it flows over the deeper sounds.  Normani just oozes sexiness too as she adds a little bit of flair to both the video and live performances of this song with some choreography.  She really made 2018 her own, and I look forward to her future releases as well!  The only thing that is holding this track back for me is that it is for a film, Love, Simon.  I’m always wary of made-for-film songs because I’m not sure how true the artists of the song are being to the piece itself or if has been molded to fit the film’s narrative or theme.

7. “All the Stars” by Kendrick Lamar and SZA

I hate people that feel entitled Look at me crazy 'cause I ain't invite you Oh, you important? You the moral to the story, you endorsing? ..., I don't even like you

I’ve been following SZA for a few years now, and I have to say that she is really making a name for herself and changing the R&B game.  Of all the megahits this year, this is easily my favorite.  It’s received one Oscar nomination and four Grammy nominations, and it deserves every ounce of the respect it’s been given.  The simple rocking beat serves as a metronome for some more complicated percussion as Kendrick expertly serves his flow, slowly introducing the synths and strings that allow SZA to take the song to an otherworldly place.  The music video is absolutely stunning too.  Like “Love Lies,” however, this song is held back for me in that it was also made for a film, Black Panther.  I am not saying either of these films are bad necessarily, in fact, they were both fun movies.  I’m just saying I wonder where these artists could have taken these songs if they were completely untied from any other projects.

6. “We Don’t Care” by Sigala featuring The Vamps

Try to keep my composure Would be easy if I was sober But you keep getting closer And I'm feeling alright

Another artist that was on my top 2017 songs, The Vamps had several bops this year, including singles “Too Good to Be True,” “Hair Too Long,” and “Just My Type” and non-singles “What Your Father Says” and “Cheap Wine.”  I had the opportunity to not only see these guys perform live but also finally meet them!  They were the nicest dudes, and it was definitely a highlight of the year.  My favorite 2018 release by them though was their feature on Sigala’s “We Don’t Care.”  Even though it’s not their track, it harkens back to many Vamps songs just about having a good time, and that stress-free nature is why I love them.  Sigala certainly knew how to make the best of this collaboration, and I feel like I’ll be dancing to this for years to come.

5. “Tempo” by EXO

I can’t believe 기다렸던 이런 느낌 (oh) 나만 듣고 싶은 그녀는 나의 멜로디

For reasons I will explain later in this post (see entry #3), I have officially fallen in love with K-pop, and in my search to find more K-pop artists to love, I have oddly landed back to one that I saw live a few years ago, EXO.  In 2015 or 2016, my friend Brit became “ill” to K-pop fever and fell in love with EXO.  As someone who claims to love all genres (with a few exceptions), she asked me to go with her to their concert in 2016.  I did not hesitate at the opportunity, and while I saw that they were truly talented, something held me back from loving them at the time.  While I had never really been a K-pop fan in the past, I was aware of what they could deliver.  When it came to boybands in particular, I was aware of Big Bang, Super Junior, and SHINee and how different their songs were from American and European music beyond the language they are sung or rapped in.  However, I found EXO’s repertoire to be quite lackluster at the time.  This was before the release of Ex’Act, so their biggest hits at the time were “Growl,” “Overdose,” “Call Me Baby,” and “Love Me Right.”  With the exception of “Overdose,” these songs as well as a lot of their other songs sounded too familiar.  They were safe R&B vibes, and as someone who grew up with R&B, these songs did not stand out to me.  “Overdose” was somewhat of a highlight, but it was still just a bit lacking to me.  My favorite song of theirs at the time became “Wolf” (and Brit aptly made fun of me for it lol).  Sure, “Wolf” gets made fun of because it’s kind of a mess of a song, but that’s why I love it.  It’s so out there and experimental.  It was EXO trying to find their voice.  It wasn’t safe; every aspect of it goes hard (maybe too hard).  The icing on the cake that “Overdose” was missing?  Chen!  Let me quickly explain my love for Chen.  This man (who I’m exactly only 10 days older than!) has the voice of an angel.  Even back then when I went to their concert and couldn’t remember any of their names for the life of me, I remember telling Brit, “The one with the cheekbones has the best voice!”  And while “best” is debatable with Baekhyun and D.O. in the group (and even compared to other vocal powerhouses like Super Junior-K.R.Y., and y’all, don’t you dare sleep on Suho), Chen still stands out to me because his vocal quality is 100% the kind of voice that I wish I had.  He has this vibrant, clear tenor timbre to his voice that I find so pleasing.  Chen is apparently the least favorite EXO member for whatever reason (maybe he’s the ugliest? idk, I’m not a girl/don’t like men), and some people say his voice is less emotional than the others.  I disagree, as I think the lightness in his voice just puts the emotion in a different place where people aren’t used to hearing it.  Regardless, since “Overdose” was made when they had the EXO-K and EXO-M split before, it largely lacked Chen vocals, and he goes hard in “Wolf.”  All this to say, when I revisited EXO’s discography this year, it was chock-full of hit after hit that finally filled that sweet-tooth K-pop craving.  They were no longer standard R&B hits.  They were each creative directions, starting with “Monster” which built off of many of the same vibes as “Wolf” and “Overdose” but with more expertise and a healthy dose of Chen (“Don’t be afraid / Love is the way / Shawty I got it / You can call me monster” what an english-god! lol), to “Ko Ko Bop” which is a reggae fusion smash (if you know that I love Rihanna, then you gotta know that I love me some reggae fusion and who knew that it would fuse so well with K-pop), to the infectiously fun and upbeat “Power” that they performed at the Olymics closing ceremony.

Now let me finally get to why I am obsessed with “Tempo.”  Chen opens the song with “I can’t believe” and then silence.  I am a Chen fan, so you know I’m already hooked.  Then the synths come back in and there are some a capella elements.  Baekhyun dares to sing over Chen (just kidding, he sounds good too obviously).  Once Chen is done singing, the drums come in leading into the chorus, with the bed squeak which is a R&B/hip hop sample staple.  To be clear, I never wanted EXO to leave their R&B roots; I just wanted that and more from them, and this song is it.  After the second verse, instead of going back to the chorus, they hit this alternate “slowed down” version of the chorus which again hits different R&B vibes, and this beautiful piano brings us to the a capella portion and oh my.  Then Chen’s scream signals the piano, drums, synth, squeaky bed, and everything to go into the last chorus.  And let’s not forget his Michael Jackson-esque ad-lib.  The line distribution was mostly fair too.  I mean, obviously I’m biased, but Sehun got a whole rap section.  If anyone, Xiumin and D.O. (and Sehun) probably could have used more lines somehow.  Lay was even in the Chinese version (though I’m not sure how many songs he was gone for?)  But honestly, zero complaints here.  GET IT GUYS.

4. “Remind Me to Forget” by Kygo featuring Miguel

I need you to let go I got these mementos And I'll be alright

Shortly after my breakup this year, I still had tickets to see Miguel and no one to go with.  So I asked my ex if she still wanted to go, and she did.  He performed all my favorite songs by him, including “Adorn,” “Sure Thing,” and “Pineapple Skies.”  It was kind of an ethereal experience in a way.  A huge amount of his repertoire is baby-making music, and boy did that make a mood that night.  I’m not sure if she realized it, but Miguel was actually what I put on during our second date (I also just remembered that his song was on when we had our first kiss during our first date).  But this song (which he did not perform but played afterwards as everyone was leaving the venue) is lyrically actually so significant to that relationship.  Kygo’s echoey instrumentals was a match made in heaven for Miguel’s soaring vocals, and while the song doesn’t exactly convey pain, it beautifully encapsulates letting go of a relationship.  I still like my ex as a friend, but from experience we know that’s all it should be.

3. “Ddu-Du Ddu-Du” by BLACKPINK

두 번 생각해 흔한 남들처럼 착한 척은 못 하니까 착각하지 마 쉽게 웃어주는 건 날 위한 거야

All right, here’s how I became ill with K-pop fever.  As I’ve mentioned in entry #5, I try to be a lover of all genres of music.  I’m not perfect; I have a few dislikes: parodies (because I want the originals to stand out), covers and remixes (for the same reason), anything I find lyrically too heavy or too opposed to my values, and anything that includes too much screaming.  When it comes to falling in love with a genre, I’ve noticed I have a trend: I fall in love with a girl.  Sometimes it’s an actual girl that I meet, but most of the time it’s one of the singers.  R&B, hip hop, and pop is what I naturally grew up with, but Paramore got me into rock, Kelly Rowland’s collaboration with David Guetta got me into EDM, Whitney Houston got me into 80′s music, Carrie Underwood got me into country, etc.  As I’ve also mentioned, K-pop has been on my radar for several years now.  I’ve never been opposed to it (with one-ish exception, which I will get to), but I’ve just never fallen in love with it myself.  My first real exposure was about 10 years ago from my friend Kalvin.  I specifically remember hearing Girls’ Generation/SNSD’s “Gee” non-stop, and I couldn’t blame him.  It was catchy!  At the time, though I honestly was having trouble loving my identity as an Asian.  My younger self wanted to be white or black or latino.  Why?  Because if you looked at America’s standard of who was famous and attractive, there were barely any Asians, and the Asians who were there were women (Lucy Liu).  Anyways, Kalvin and a few other friends such as my prom date Esther introduced me to a few more K-pop artists over the years: Super Junior, Kara, Big Bang (and G-Dragon and Taeyang’s solo music), T-ara, 2NE1, and f(x).  I liked them, but again, I never fell in love with them.  Then, Psy’s “Gangnam Style” came into the picture.  I hated it so much because I knew this song would be many people’s first impressions of K-pop.  Psy’s talent aside, it was a song and video that was intended to be funny, almost like a parody.  This perpetuated the Western thought of Asian men being only smart and funny, not sexy.  Years later, BTS came into the picture.  While I didn’t fall in love with them either, I supported them because they are a K-pop artist that America is actually taking seriously.  Around the time I heard about BTS was also the time I first heard about BLACKPINK.  When it comes to pop music, the girls I like the most are in my opinion not too girly (i.e. SNSD) but also not too unconventional (i.e. 2NE1).  I think Rihanna is a good example of that balance.  She’ll sometimes wear all pink and sometimes go with a completely baggy hip hop vibe, but most of the time she stays somewhere in between.  When I heard “Boombayah” a few years ago, this song was so close to being my K-pop drug, but the “oppa!” and the chanting at the end of the song killed it for me.  Stars did not align back then.

This year, as I continued to grow up, I learned to love my Asian identity more than ever.  2017 was a hear of depression and anxiety and just overall hating myself, so I made a conscious decision to love myself more in all ways.  It just so happened that 2018 was the year of films like Crazy Rich Asians and To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before.  The former took a man who I find to be an average or slightly above average looking man (like the Ryan Seacrest of Asia) Henry Golding and made him into a superstar.  He even got to star alongside one of my favorites Blake Lively in A Simple Favor as her husband.  This amongst other things did wonders for me in viewing myself and Asians as attractive and equally viable partners.  To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before did something else for me.  With that movie, I realized I wanted more young Asian celebrities to fill this void of “there are no sexy Asians” because if I have a child, that child will undoubtedly be at least half Asian.  I want that child to grow up to be confident in who they are and find themselves to be absolutely beautiful or handsome.  All this to say, yes, I finally started seeing Asian girls as sexy.  Then, “Ddu-Du Ddu-Du” dropped and my life was changed lol.  Here were four sexy women (Jisoo is my bias!!) singing and rapping a song that was perfectly in between girly and unconventional.  It wasn’t the usual bubblegum pop girly K-pop, and I loved it.  After listening to it two billion times, I needed something similar, so I went back to “Boombayah.”  I found “Whistle” and then the gateways flooded.  I now listen to pretty much every K-pop artist I previously listed and more.  I am so proud of these girls charting higher on the Hot 100 than any other K-pop artist other than BTS and Psy.  I sincerely hope either BLACKPINK or BTS (or anyone really) beat Psy’s record (thank God for Maroon 5 for preventing Psy to ever hitting #1).  Here’s to hopefully a full BLACKPINK album next year and more Asian sexiness!

2. “Dangerous Night” by Thirty Seconds to Mars

I, I am a man on fire You, a violent desire

From the get-go, you can tell that this is not your ordinary Thirty Seconds to Mars track, and that’s because Zedd’s producer mark on it is undeniable.  I absolutely love the America album, especially “Rescue Me,” “Great Wide Open,” “Hail to the Victor,” and “Live Like a Dream.”  However, Zedd’s spin with “Dangerous Night” makes it hopelessly catchy.  It takes the recklessness of entry #6 and combines it with the tumultuous relationship of entry #4.  Above all, I had the opportunity to see Thirty Seconds to Mars live and to meet them in person.  What a wild night!  It was one of the best experiences of 2018.  The Leto brothers are so kind and rocked the night away.  They fought with security a couple times to let fans do what they wanted (in still a safe way).  And the absolute best part was that they invited a random select few in the crowd to go up... including me!  It was insane being on stage with my favorite band singing one of my favorite songs “Closer to the Edge” in front of thousands of people.  INSANE!  Truly a night I will never forget.

1. “Never Be the Same” by Camila Cabello

And I could try to run, but it would be useless You're to blame Just one hit of you, I knew I'll never be the same

Someone who is just looking at this list and my list from last year (where Camila also made #1) might think I’m obsessed with her haha.  I swear I’m not.  Rihanna will always be my true number one.  I honestly don’t even like that many more Camila songs than this and “I Have Questions” (last year’s number one).   I mean, I like her songs, but those two are the stand outs for me.  Anyways, Camila’s unique voice and creative runs take the cake here on this track over the equally addictive synths and drum beats.  Lyrically, the song is about being forever changed by a relationship that she doesn’t outright say is bad but heavily hints at it with the imagery she uses.  It’s kind of a love song but has the feeling of a breakup or near breakup song.  After my first date with my ex, we sat in my car for a long time just listening to the radio and while there were several cute moments like singing Ed Sheeran and Beyoncé’s “Perfect” together, one thing I remember is staring into her eyes while this song was playing.  Throughout our relationship, it became apparent that we were bad for each other in a way.  And in many ways, I will never be the same.  I don’t regret it.  I’ve learned so many things.  But yeah, even though this is not my favorite song of 2018, it is definitely the most 2018 song to describe my year.

[alexfryerproductions]

My Ranking of Star Wars Films: From Worst to Best

Star Wars: The 40 year old Global Phenomenon. Without the likes of the first film (and Jaws before it) blockbuster films would never have been given more footing, even though most blockbusters of today have fallen below the curriculum of quality. But I digress. For the past 40 years Star Wars has captured the hearts and imaginations of millions around the world, myself included. It has certainly inspired generations of film-makers (three of which have directed the most recent outings).

Self-confessedly, I was a hard-core fan (expanded universe generally) in my younger years until the film-bug got me at the age of 16. Nevertheless, these films have helped me understand the form and craft of film as much as another other classic in general. The film series has had its high points as it certainly had its lows, which is why, given the recent release of The Last Jedi, that I thought I should compile a personal list of films starting from worst to best: 

10.) Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) 

Directed by Dave Filoni 

RATING: 2/5

While the Clone Wars television series itself is astoundingly good, the film that started it off however, is not so much. While the film itself can be given a bit of praise for its cinematic feel, character personalities and fun action, the quality just falls short to sloppy animation (which did improve hugely throughout the television series), a weak plot and an inconsistency in tone. Children may have more truck with this one, but the same can’t be said for adults.  

9.) Star Wars: Attack of the Clones (2002)

Directed by George Lucas  

RATING: 1/5

This is one the worst, if not, the worst entry of all live-action Star Wars films. The problems within this film are infinite, whether it is the terribly written love-story, the overuse of CGI, cringe-worthy dialogue and acting that is so wooden that the characters themselves become lifeless. And top of that, the film is just boring. Its 144 minute runtime, is a result of a storytelling structure that is so dense to the point where there doesn’t seem to be any whatsoever. To make matters worse for the film itself, it is completely dull and forgettable and lacks little to no scenes that are worthy of Star Wars iconography.   

8.) Star Wars: The Phantom Menace (1999) 

Directed by George Lucas 

RATING: 2/5

Now, I am going to be frank and say that this is not as bad as I remember it. I can at least give it credit for being the Saga prequel with the most practical set designs and expanding the Star Wars universe in a very imaginative way. The lightsaber duel is certainly thrilling to watch, even if it may be over-choreographed at times. Nevertheless, The Phantom Menace still stands out as a lackluster film with nearly the same issues as Attack of the Clones following it. Along those similar flaws, there is also a political plot that is visually unappealing and clumsily executed. The film also suffers from a lack of character development, which makes the story all the more weak. And I really don’t need to talk about the character of Jar Jar Binks, who is nothing more than a toy advertisement....

7.) Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith (2005)

Directed by George Lucas 

RATING: 3.5/5

While Revenge of the Sith still follows (yet again) the same stream of issues as the previous two entries before it, they are not as excessive and there is some fun to be had thus making this a more enjoyable and tolerable watch. There are some emotionally powerful moments in the film and it is probably the darkest of the saga films given Anakin Skywalker’s completion to becoming one of the most famous villains of all time and how its executed (which, for the most part, is done well). The relationship between Anakin Skywalker and Obi Wan Kenobi is very interesting to follow and Ian McDiarmid’s performance as Palpatine himself is a total scene stealer. Even though it falls short of greatness, it stands tall on the weight of goodness. 

6.) Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)

Directed by Gareth Edwards 

RATING: 3.5/5

The first live-action spin-off film of the current Anthology series is quite daring since it sets itself apart from the Skywalker saga and tells a story of a different group of characters in the Star Wars Universe. Director Gareth Edwards brings a great sense of authenticity to the Star Wars Universe as a result of his brilliant film-making seen throughout the film. The action is chaotic and intense giving Rogue One a great visual style of a war film. The final act of the film is certainly something to behold and is a great lead up to the first film we all know and love. It’s a shame however that the characters are not given a great deal of interaction and development, which is a result of some pacing issues and a script that stumbles in a few a places. Despite these flaws, Rogue One is a worthy addition to the series through its dark and more mature tone and its mixture of old and new elements. 

5.) Star Wars: Return of the Jedi (1983) 

Directed by Richard Marquand 

RATING: 4/5 

Considerably, this is the weakest of the original trilogy. And that is pretty much down to its lack of focus on tone and some unnecessary use of some characters (Ewoks anyone?). It doesn’t add much that is new to the table either. Those aside, Return of the Jedi provides a satisfying conclusion to the original trilogy by answering all the questions left hanging by its predecessors, while inserting some emotional and dramatic beats in the process. Although the stakes for the main characters are still levelled at there highest as the ultimate battle between good and evil commences, the film doesn’t lose its sense of fun. 

4.) Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015)

Directed by J.J. Abrams

RATING: 4/5

After a ten year hiatus (or technically seven if you count the The Clone Wars) Star Wars was back on the big screen. And boy was it a welcome home present. While the film does have its naysayers in relation to the film’s similar story beats to A New Hope, it can be argued that it was a necessary evil since The Force Awakens needed to feel safe and familiar in order for it to make way for what comes next. Not everything works, however. There are occasions where nostalgia approaches where it is not needed (such as another useless superweapon for instance) and there are some plot convolutions in a few places. That being said, the film rises well above those flaws through introducing a new set of compelling characters to care about, as well as seeing the return of some old friends. At best, J.J. Abrams brings back the magic of what made Star Wars great in the first place. 

3.) Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017)

Directed by Rian Johnson 

RATING: 4/5

This recent entry has proven to be the boldest yet most controversial Star Wars film amongst audiences (hardcore fans especially). That is what makes it so great. Rian Johnson takes everything we know about the Star Wars universe to not only twist them but question them in the process. Johnson’s direction and writing breaths a whole new life to the franchise itself thereby telling a story that makes the universe more vast, endless and full of countless possibilities for future stories. The film delivers twist, after twist, after twist to the point where this no telling where the upcoming final film in Skywalker saga will go. The performances are a joy to look at and the cinematography is probably the most visually dazzling ever put to a Star Wars film. And finally, our beloved princess Carrie Fisher, is given a great send off as she gives a remarkable final performance, which was filmed prior to her tragic and untimely death in late 2016.  

2.) Star Wars: A New Hope (1977) 

Directed by George Lucas 

RATING: 5/5

We now come to the film that started it all. It goes without saying that Star Wars changed the face of not only Hollywood cinema but film-making in general. From the classic opening crawl, to the iconic space battle sequence, to John Williams’s classic score, Star Wars is hardly the film that anyone is going to forget, whether one loves it or hate it. Above the special effects that have not dated a bit, what makes Star Wars work ultimately is the characters. Without those characters, the special effects become meaningless as does the wondrous settings. It is a story that is so simply told but in the most visually spectacular way possible. It is a fine example of how to put a story before spectacle. 

1.)  Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back (1980) 

Directed Irvin Kershner 

RATING: 5/5

Prior to this, a lot of sequels tended to be commercial and critical failures. Empire for that matter might as well be textbook on how to do a sequel: Take characters into deeper depths than the first film; Raise the stakes; Insert new elements that works for the story; And above all else: take risks. By meeting those requirements, Empire is far more superior than any other Star Wars film in terms of story, structure, tone, world-building, special effects and character development. However, the real topping on the cake for Empire, is the twists, all of which makes the story and characters all the more compelling. As a result, the film delivers truly one the best surprises in the history of cinema, making this a darker entry to the series. It is for these reasons why Empire Strikes Back is not only the best Star Wars film of all time, but arguably the best sequel of all time.