#which. we sure won't forget you sir

[an-absolute-nightmare]

oh hey i forgot to mention this weird thing that happened couple days ago. i was hanging out at the park with my friends when this old man having four paintbrushes in his hand comes up to our group and starts looking at us. and we all became kinda awkward because well. it was an awkward situation. and i think we were all half expecting him to ask if he wanted to paint us but then he went from one corner of our (fairly large group) to another and then? starts to sing?? and we all didn't know what to do bc it was so weird and random but also he was singing pretty well so we all just sort of stood/sat there until he finished and then he brisk walked away??

[michelleleewise]

Can I have a story where reader has a huge crush on loki (reader won't admit they're inlove tho) and wants to be his in every aspect? She doesn't want to confess because she knows she'll get rejected and knows she's not his type. Though reader maybe sneaky, they forget that loki can sometimes read minds. They play this cat-and-mouse game it may or may not lead to smut 👀 I kind of had this idea by listening to "I Wanna Be Yours" by Arctic Monkeys. Thank you so much <3

Hiiiii!!! I'm sorry this took so long to get to!!!! But thank you so much for sending it to me!! I hope you like it!!! 💚💚💚

====================================

Thinking of You

Pairing: Avenger Loki x female reader

Warnings: swearing, mild yelling, mind reading, self esteem issues, NSFW, masturbation, mildly rough sex (nothing graphic), if I missed anything let me know!! 💚

Summary: Everytime you see Loki your thoughts run wild....unbeknownst to you, he can hear them too...

A/n- sorry this took so long!!! It's probably terrible, I'm a bit rusty......sorry!!!!! 💚💚

"No the other way." You urged into the coms, swiping between screens on the computer screen like a maniac trying to guide the team to where they needed to be. "Y/n, where is it!?" Tony yelled into his earpiece making you wince "there is no need to yell Stark" You heard Loki's smooth voice sound in your ear making you sigh "that's easy for you to say Rudolph, you aren't surrounded by agents." Tony said when you heard an explosion echo into you ear. "Do stop complaining Stark." Loki said when you heard a grunt sound through Loki's coms "you are becoming rather insufferable." He continued making you giggle "I swear laufeyson, when we get back..." Tony started when you heard Thor's booming voice join the conversation "would you two please desist with this nonsense!" Thor yelled making you jump.

"Yes, please silence yourself stark....now darling which way do we go?" Loki asked into his earpiece, the low timbre of his voice sending a shiver up your spine "i...I...let me see" you said searching the map again "take your...umph...time darling, no rush." Loki purred into your ear as you heard a thud on his end. "Ok, everyone needs to get to Loki's location, that's where the serum is." You said pulling up everyone's position, "aaah, Right again I see." Loki laughed into his earpiece "shut up Loki." Thor bellowed into his coms "come now, jealousy does not suit you brother." Loki mocked making you laugh "something funny agent?" You heard Tony snark into the coms "no sir, sorry." You said looking down at your hands.

You listened as the team completed the mission, bickering the entire time. If you were honest you weren't sure how they didn't kill eachother everytime they went on a mission. "Alright, back to the jet everyone." Tony said. "I thank you for your assistance lady y/n." Loki purred into the earpiece making your cheeks heat up "y...you welcome Loki "Alright romeo let's go...shutting down coms, see you back at the tower." Tony said as the line went silent. You took a deep breath pulling your earpiece out when Nat walked over leaning on your desk "quite the sweet talker isn't he?" She asked making you giggle "well they do call him silvertongue." You said trying to not look at her "yeah, makes you wonder what else he can do with his tongue." She said as you stood up "Natasha!" You whisper yelled making her laugh "oh come on, we all know how you feel about him." She said as you grabbed a stack of files quickly turning "I don't know what your talking about." You said making your way to the filing cabinets.

"Y/n, why don't you just talk to him?" She asked following you "I do talk to him." You snapped hoping she would let it go "you know what I mean y/n." She scolded crossing her arms "because..." you sighed setting the files down "because there will never be a universe where he feels the same." You said opening the filing cabinet "you don't know that, the way he talks to you..." She started when you slammed the drawer shut "I'm not stupid nat, he's just being polite...letting his princely charm ooze out of him. I've seen I him do it at parties." You said closing your eyes "I'm not special, he doesn't like me and he never will...why would he?" You asked walking back towards your desk "um, your funny, smart, witty.." nat said continuing to follow you "plain, ordinary...boring." you huffed grabbing your bag "y/n seriously..." you cut her off lifting your hand "no, he doesn't know...he'll never know." You said walking towards the door, stopping in the doorway "I...I don't think I could handle that rejection." You said before walking out heading towards your apartment

You spent the next few days chained to your desk, stacks of mission reports to go through and file from the last mission. Looking up rubbing your eyes seeing you had worked past your lunch "I need a break." You sighed closing the file you were working on as you stood up. Grabbing your coffee mug you made your way to the break room and the espresso machine Tony had recently installed. After choosing what you wanted you leaned your head against the cabinet waiting for the machine to do its thing, praying it would hurry when what nat said the other day ran through your mind does everyone really know....am I that obvious? You thought when the loud beep pulled you from your thoughts. "Thank god." You breathed bringing the cup to your lips taking a small sip you closed your eyes feeling the caffeine touch your soul "mmmhhh." You moaned with a sigh.

"Now that is a sound I could get used to." A deep voice behind you said, your eyes shooting open as you turned seeing Loki leaning against the doorway his arms crossed, the buttons of his white shirt straining against his chest "l...loki w...what are you doing here?" You asked setting the cup down "oh, some nonsense of starks." He said pushing off the doorframe sliding his hands in the pockets of his tight black jeans "something about not completing my reports." He shrugged taking a step into the room "o..oh, um he didn't say anything to me." You said fidgeting with your fingers "well let's be honest, when have you known stark to be organized?" He asked making you laugh "so, naturally I came to you to see if there were any...discrepancies." He purred coming to stand in front of you, his cologne wafting between you making you sigh god he smells good you thought hearing loki laugh "do you like the cologne? I just purchased it." He asked smiling "oh...yeah! Your...rrr I mean it...it's good." You stuttered watching his smile widen

"well darling, if you wouldn't mind may I....come with you?" He asked, the baritone in his voice stirring something inside you I'll be coming later you thought remembering all the nights you touched yourself at the thought of his large hands roaming your body, his deep voice whispering how much he wanted you in your ear. You bit your lip seeing him raise an eyebrow at you "er...um sorry...what were you saying?" You asked wringing yours hands "Darling, i was asking if I could come and look at the reports." He said smiling again "oh! Right...yes absolutely!" You said shaking the impure thoughts from your head as you stepped around him and headed back towards your desk. You sat down, digging through the stack of files until you saw "Laufeyson" pulling it out "ah, here it is." You said freezing feeling a hand on your back "you forgot your coffee my dear." He purred setting your cup on the desk "oh, thank you Loki." You said feeling your cheeks heat up.

"Now, let's see shall we?" He asked, taking the file from you He sat it down on the desk in front of you, his one hand sliding to the back of your chair as he leaned his large lithe frame over you, feeling the heat from his chest against your arm. "Hmm..." he hummed flipping through the file page by page, his scent ingulphing you as your mind raced at his proximity to you, the way his forearms flexed with each page turn, your eyes tracing the veins running down to his... "I do not see any issue, do you darling?" He asked when you tilted your head up towards him, your nose almost touching his as he leaned closer "i...um...." your mind going blank as your eyes met his, you couldn't help stare into them. They always reminded you of a forest after a storm, the deep green and blue swirling in a maelstrom as powerful as the man they belonged to but at this closeness you could see specs of gold shining in them.

"Loki..." you whispered, your eyes shooting down to his lips they look so soft you thought when you felt him lean closer "y/n." He breathed when you looked back into his eyes "i..." you trailed off, feeling like your heart was going to beat out of your chest "tell me darling." He whispered as he hovered over you his eyes never leaving yours "i..." you tried again, your mouth going dry feeling his finger tuck your hair behind your ear "hmm?" He hummed expectantly the tip of his nose touching yours "agent y/l/n." You heard from across the room making Loki shoot straight up as you jumped "a..agent hill, morning...er afternoon." You stuttered watching Maria walk in "and what do we owe the pleasure Loki?" She asked nearing your desk "oh, I was only ensuring my report was accurate, I would hate to make miss y/n's job harder then it is." He explained, freezing feeling his finger slowly trail up your arm. "Well im sure the agent has it under control Mr. Laufeyson." Hill said coming to stand on your other side "yes, she does. So I will take my leave...perhaps I will see you later agent." He purred as you looked up at him seeing him smile "o...ok, bye Loki." You smiled back as he bowed slightly before walking to the door.

You sat staring at the file Loki had been going through when you felt Hill nudge you "oh my God, what was that about?" She asked sitting on the edge of your desk, her stern demeanor vanishing "i...I don't know." You said looking up at her "well he looked like he was about to eat you." She laughed making you laugh with her "no, he just wanted to go through his report." You said setting it back on the pile "riiight, even though he's never had an issue with them before." She said crossing her arms. "I...well maybe he...umm." you stuttered trying to think of a reason "dude, just accept the man wanted to eat you like a cream filled donut." She said making you laugh "what!? No he doesn't!" You urged hearing her laugh "well apparently you didn't see the look on his face." She said hopping off the desk. "Look, all I'm saying is maybe he likes you too." She shrugged walking to the door "no he doesn't, he's just being nice." You said grabbing your cup "uh huh...whatever you say." She winked as she walked out.

You sat back sipping your coffee trying to process what had happened when you heard your name called, looking up seeing Tony "Hey kid, I just wanted to check and see how those are coming along." He said pointing at the reports "fury is down my throat about them." He laughed as you looked up at him "oh yeah, they're almost done." You said setting your cup down "oh, and Loki came by like you asked." You said grabbing his file "i didn't ask him to come by." Tony said crossing his arms "yes you did." You said looking back at him "no....I didn't." He argued making you sigh "you sent him down saying there was an issue with his reports." You argued back tossing the file down "I hate to break it to you, but I didn't send him down here, I haven't even talked to him in days." He said making your eyebrows furrow "just have them done by tonight ok?" Tony asked as you nodded looking back down at your desk. "If Tony didn't tell him to come down here.." your thoughts trailed off as you looked up at the clock seeing it was already almost three "shit.." you sighed pushing your thoughts aside grabbing the next file getting back to work.

It had been a couple weeks since your last interaction with Loki, but you couldn't get it out of your mind, it was beginning to drive you crazy. You were sat at your desk tapping your pen on a stack of files remembering the way his eyes stared into yours, how close he was to you, frowning remembering the lie he told you "Hey y/n, I need you to have Thor fix this." Maria said setting a piece of paper on your desk, seeing it was one of his mission reports "oh? What's wrong with it?" You asked picking it up "look at the description." She laughed as you looked down at that section seeing a simple "we won" written "I've told him that's not adequate but..." She sighed shaking her head. "Could you please have him actually write what happened?" She asked as you nodded "yeah, I just gotta find him." You said standing up "I believe he's in the training room, good luck." She smiled walking out. "Of course he is." You sighed walking towards the elevators.

You took a deep breath grabbing the handle of the door you pulled it open seeing Thor sparring with Steve as you walked in "Thor!" You yelled getting his attention seeing him smile at you as he walked over "Lady y/n, what can I do for you?" He asked setting his hammer down "you didn't fill out your report from the last mission." You said holding the paper out to him "you have to write a full description." You said holding your pen out to him "I do not see why, we won that's all that is important." He said grabbing the pen "just write something to make Hill happy." You laughed crossing your arms "very well, give me one moment." He said walking to the benches sitting down.

You looked out into the training room seeing Natasha on the treadmill, Steve had gone over to the punching bags, and then your eyes landed on Loki, dressed in black gym shorts that gave you full view of his muscular thighs, accompanied by a black tank top that was so tight you were surprised he could move, biting you lip watching as he sparred with Bucky. Your eyes traveled up seeing his long hair pulled back into a low bun, sweat making a few loose strands stick to his forehead as he pivoted and swayed, avoiding all of Bucky's attacks with the grace of a dancer. "Fuck...." you breathed, crossing your foot over the other clenching your thighs together trying to hide your arousal as bucky lunged at Loki when his large hand grabbed his throat, planting his foot behind bucky he threw him to the mat on his back kneeling next to him with his hand still on his throat god he could choke me anytime you thought biting your lip when Loki's eyes suddenly met yours making you jump.

His eyes didn't leave yours as he stood up, extending his hand to bucky pulling him up you watched his bicep flex, the veins in his arms bulging as Bucky got to his feet goood...I want trace them with my tongue you thought feeling your face heat up, arousal pooling in your stomach as your eyes met his again seeing a darkness in them you never had before "Lady y/n." Thor suddenly said next to you making you jump "apologies, I didn't mean to startle you." He said as you clutched your chest "no, it's ok." You said taking a deep breath "I have finished your report." He smiled holding out the paper "oh, thank you thor." You said quickly grabbing the paper "are you ok? You look a little flushed." He said as you ripped your pen out of his hand "yes! I'm fine." You said glancing over seeing Loki still watching you "i...I gotta go, see you later." You said quickly turning and walking towards the door, one last look back seeing Loki's eyes still on you making you shiver as you walked out.

You made your way back downstairs gripping the pen and paper in your hand, walking into Maria's office you slapped it on her desk "there." You said turning around "you ok? You seem...off." She said making you turn back to her "yeah! Totally fine!" You rushed out "I'm gonna call it a day, I'll see you tomorrow." You smiled before walking to your desk shutting everything off heading back upstairs to your apartment. Walking in you closed the door behind you leaning your back against it "Dammit Loki." You sighed closing your eyes, the friction of your clothing against your core making you moan "bath...a bath sounds good." You said rushing into the bathroom you turned the water on adding the bubbles as you pulled your clothes off before easing into the hot water.

You leaned back, closing your eyes you pictured the broody God, his eyes....his smile...."loki.." you whispered sliding your hand down your stomach, you gripped the side of the tub as your fingers slowly slid over your folds, biting your lip as you slowly moved your fingers down to your entrance dipping them inside you rocked your hand back and forth, imagining they were Loki's. "God...Loki..." you moaned moving your fingers faster, feeling that familiar tightening in your stomach "mmm....haaaarder...." you breathed picturing Loki's eyes staring into yours, his hand wrapped around your throat "fuuuck..Loki." you cried out feeling orgasm wash over you, squeezing your thighs together you slowly slid your fingers out.

You took a deep breath still feeling unsatisfied "ugh, that usually works." You sighed sitting up rubbing your temples. You groaned, grabbing your body wash you cleaned yourself up before getting out of the tub, the ache still very present in your core. Looking up seeing it was almost ten "Maybe I'll make some tea." You said to yourself slipping on your sleep shorts and a bright green tank top pulling your hair back before opening your door and making your way down to the kitchen. You slowly walked in releasing a breath seeing it empty and dark "good, everyone must be busy." You said walking in grabbing the kettle filling it before setting it on the stove.

You opened the cabinet seeing all the coffee mugs on the top shelf "freaking giants" you mumbled lifting you knee onto the counter pulling yourself up freezing hearing someone clear their throat. You slowly leaned back, peeking out from behind the cabinet door seeing Loki standing next to the counter by the door, wearing the white shirt that would cause your death, his hand in his pocket as he tilted his head "h...hey Loki." You said smiling nervously "evening y/n, may I ask what it is your doing up there?" He asked when the kettle screamed. You cleared your throat watching him move it and turn the burner off. "Well, you see....I couldn't sleep so...tea." you laughed as he looked back over to you "and all the mugs are up there." You said pointing to the top of the cabinet "ah, I see." You heard him say as you reached up grabbing a cup.

You went to put your foot down on the floor when your other knee slipped causing you to drop the cup as you fell back off the counter when an arm wrapped around your middle pulling you backwards, you back hitting solid muscle looking to the side seeing Loki smiling down at you. "Your cup my lady." He said lifting his other hand you looked at it seeing your cup dangling from his finger "t..thank you." You stuttered lifting the cup from his finger. "You really must be more careful my dear." He purred when you felt his thumb sliding up and down by your rib, slowly moving up towards your breast "i...I should finish the tea." You said pulling away from him walking to the stove. Stop it y/n, he's just being nice you thought shaking your head when the cabinet door slammed making you jump, turning to see Loki's hand on it.

"Loki...are you ok?" You asked as he turned around "no y/n, I'm afraid I'm not." He said taking a step towards you. "I...I can get bruce...or thor?" You asked stepping back as he came closer "I'm afraid neither of them can assist me." He growled continuing his advance as you walked backwards through the kitchen, loki right on top of you "um..well I could.." you trailed as your back hit the table "these games have exhausted me y/n." He said coming to stand in front of you his chest inches from yours "I don't know..." you started when he leaned forward planting his palms on either side of you caging you in "do not lie to me y/n," He said sternly making you shiver "l..loki i..." you sighed looking down fidgeting with your hands when he leaned forward freezing feeling his breath on your ear.

"I love your eyes as well." He whispered making your head jerk back looking at him "i...you..." you stuttered as the realization hit you "yes dear, there are times i can read your thoughts." He said as your eyes widened "h...how much is sometimes?" You panicked seeing him smile "well, it comes and goes, but depending on how...hard your thinking they make it through." He purred as you looked down, embarrassment flooding through you "y/n look at me...please." He whispered as you took a deep breath "Loki i..." you were cut off by his lips gently touching yours before he quickly pulled back checking gauging your reaction as you stood speechless. You must have taken too long to respond as panic flashed in his eyes as he slowly stood up "i...I have over stepped, I apologize." He said taking a step back, the loss of contact kicking your brain into gear.

"Wait." You rushed out fisting the front of his shirt you pulled him back to you, rising up on your toes your lips crashed into his, your other hand sliding across his side to his back pulling him closer moaning feeling his tongue slide along your bottom lip, his hand cupping the back of your head as you parted your lips hearing him groan as his tongue slipped inside tangling with yours. God his lips are soft you thought when you felt his hands slide across your sides to your back moving down his palms cupping your ass squeezing making you moan into his mouth as he lifted you up setting you on the table. Stepping between your parted legs he pulled back slightly as he kissed along your jaw, tilting your head back feeling his lips wrap around your earlobe "l..loki..." you moaned when his hand moved to the small of your back, pulling you towards him groaning feeling his erection press against your thigh.

God, fuck me..please fuck me you thought screwing your eyes shut feeling his teeth nip at your pulse point "say it." He growled, the husky tone of his voice making you shiver "w..what." you breathed when he pulled back looking into you eyes, his hand gently gripping your chin "I want to hear you say it." He growled his jaw clenching as he watched you with an intensity that sent electricity up your spine "i..I want..." you stuttered seeing his eyes darken "yes..." he encouraged rubbing his thumb across your lips "i...want you Loki." You whispered seeing him smile as he leaned down to your ear "do you want me to fuck you y/n?" He breathed as you gripped the table screwing your eyes shut "y..yes...please." You said, opening your eyes meeting his "norns..." he whispered as he lunged forward his lips crashing onto to yours, his hand going to the back of your head as he guided you down onto your back.

Arching your back feeling the cold wood through your thin tank top "I need to feel you...now." loki growled against your lips as his other hand slid up your side to the bottom of your shirt "as much as I love seeing you in my colors..." he trailed off standing up his hand slipped out from under your head joining the other, hearing a loud rip you gasped feeling the cold air hit your bare skin, looking down seeing your shirt ripped in half "gorgeous." Loki purred placing a large hand on your stomach, his finger tips ghosting over your skin as he slowly slid it up to the valley of your breasts gently pushing you back down. "One more thing." He smiled when you heard another rip, feeling your shorts and panties pulled from you. "Norns....you truly are magnificent." He purred as he wrapped his hands around your thighs sliding you to the edge.

"Loki...." you moaned feeling his clothed cock press against your core "I know my dear, be patient for me." He groaned lifting his hand a green light swept down across him, shivering feeling the tip of his cock at your entrance "are you ready love?" He asked making you look up, his smile melting your insides as his thumbs rubbed small circles on your thighs "y..yes....please loki." You whined laying back stretching your arms above your head "mmm....we'll have to look into that." He growled as he leaned over, his large body hovering over yours as he pushed his hips forward, stretching you slowly as he entered you. "Gods your...mmm tight." He groaned, bucking his hips forward making you gasp as he bottomed out.

"Holy fuck." You cried out digging your nails into the table as he leaned further over you, his eyes meeting yours "are you ok dear? Do you wish to stop?" He asked, concern lacing his tone as you stared up at him "God no!" You rushed out wrapping your legs around his middle, a deep rumble coming from his chest as he laughed "loki?" You asked wrapping your fingers around the end of the table "move...now" you demanded shifting your hips "as you wish." He growled as he planted one large hand next to your head, the other gripping your hip as he slowly pulled out, leaving only the tip in before slowly pushing back in.

"H...holy...." you moaned as he set a steady pace, burying his cock further inside you then anyone ever had God, he's ruined me you thought when he suddenly snapped his hips hard against yours jolting you up the table "that was the idea my dear." He growled "my cock will be the only one that can satisfy you." He said gritting his teeth as he slammed into you "Loki!!" You cried out gripping the edge of the table "the only pleasure you will find is impaled upon me as I bury myself in your perfect cunt." He said, his fingers digging into your flesh as he set a brutal pace, the table shifting under his thrusts as he consumed you. "F...fuck! Loki...ahhh....i.....im...." you cried out as his tip hit that soft spot deep inside you "are you going to come my dear?" He groaned, sliding his hand under your shoulder pulling you to him as his pelvis hit yours "y...yes....God Loki!" You yelled feeling the familiar tingle in your abdomen.

"Come y/n...come on my cock." Loki gritted as he thrust hard into you as your orgasm slammed into you screaming his name as he continued his unforgiving pace "w..whose cunt is this?" He growled digging his fingers nails into your shoulder "y..yours..." you moaned feeling another building "who....n...norns...who do you belong to?" He moaned screwing his eyes shut as you squeezed your legs around him "y...you Loki...only you!" You cried out as he bottomed out, holding himself there you felt him release deep inside you triggering a second orgasm as he slumped on top of you laying his forehead on your shoulder, his warm breath fanning your skin as you let go of the table, a hand going to the back of his head running your fingers through his hair, freezing feeling him stiffen.

Why did i do that...I shouldn't have done that you thought as you pulled your hand away "y/n?" You heard Loki ask but your thoughts drowned him out i....I should go...this was probably a one time thing... "y/n look at me." Loki's voice rang out again as you tried to slip out from under him what am I going to cover up with....I need to get back to my.... "y/n!" Loki yelled making jump, your eyes shooting to his "apologies, I did not mean to yell but you were lost." He said as he grabbed your hand helping you sit up "now, let me make one thing perfectly clear." He said raising his hand again, the same green light traveling across your skin as your clothes reappeared "you...are mine now." He said leaning forward "you are not a one night stand, you never were...you deserve much more then that." He said as you looked down fidgeting with your fingers "you deserved to be treated as a queen, a goddess...my goddess." He said brushing a loose strand of hair away from your face

"so y/n, will you alow me to take you out?" He asked as you looked up at him "m...me? You want to date me?" You asked laughing but seeing Loki looking more serious then you ever had "I um...I'd like that Loki, very much." You said seeing him smile "how about we go to my chambers and you put on one of your midgaridian films and we can talk more hm?" He asked making you smile "that sounds nice." You said sliding off the table as he held his hand out, placing your hand in his He linked your fingers together as he guided you down the hallway to his room "loki, does that mean your my...boyfriend?" You asked as he smiled down at you opening his door "you may call me whatever you wish, as long as you are mine." He said as he waved you ahead of him "I'll always be yours....my king." You said walking through the doorway "mmm....now that will get you more then you bargained for." He growled following you "oh, I'm counting on it." You smiled closing the door behind him.

@mjsthrillernp @eleniblue @nina25sblog @lokiandbuckysdoll @muddyorbs @crimson25 @kkdvkyya @kaylalikescatsandstuff @chokeanddagger @chantsdemarins @ladymischief11 @jaidenhawke @high-functioning-lokipath @lokidbadguy @buttercupcookies-blog @crzyplantladyvibes @princessdragon23 @lelliefant @stupidthoughtsinwriting @sinsandguilt @emarich7 @lokiswife-dark-fox-queen @differenttyphoonwerewolf @kikster606 @edelweissbarnes @kateslife15 @holdmytesseract @pennyl4n3 @huntressandlioness1 @libbybeaz @lokidokieokie @irishhappiness @daggers-and-mischief @dukes2581 @peachyjinx @ladyofthestayingpower @mysticalmayhem1930 @presidentlokis-hornyhelmet @janineb86 @anukulee @loz-3 @fictive-sl0th @aniar4wniak @jotunqueenneith @yelkmelk @lokisgirl96 @cabingrlandrandomcrap @genderfluid-anime-goth

[theladybrownstarot]

Pick-A-Card : What messages your future spouse wants to give you ?

✵ Here's my masterlist for more !

✵ Make sure like/follow/reblogg/Comment for pacs like these !

Pile 1. Pile 2. Pile 3.

❀˖° Pile 1 .

Come on pile 1 ! Let's see your fs's messages :

I wanna play hide and seek with you hihi !

I'm your naughty baby and you are my parent ~ come on baby me right now !

Every Day and night I just wanna see you secretly and then surprise you out of nowhere !

Will you love all that I wanna give to you ? I'm scared you will reject me .

I wanna put my hands on your waist from the back and kiss your neck like no one ever could ~

Don't worry love I'm always there for you and will be forever with you ♡

Let's go on a beach and run together holding our hands , enjoying together and kissing under water where there's no one .

I always think about you like you think about me my love , don't worry I didn't forget you .

I just wanna hug you so closely and tight that yours cheeks get red out of suffocation and then I kiss you on your cheeks and run away after my small lovely tortures.

I love seeing your angry face which is only for me and no one else .

❀˖° Pile 2 .

Come on pile 2 ! Let's see your fs's messages :

Your beauty is really mesmerizing ! Don't be insecure about yourself sweets

I will be there with you everytime and everywhere you need me .

Even though if we haven't met yet but still I can feel you .

My well wishes to you! Touchwood

Ouch ! I can't even lie to you why haha

I wanna sit next to you playing guitar and you singing a song inside starry nights ~

Our vibes rock together you know ! There's no one like us .

Let's go somewhere where there's only us and no one .

We will go to a gym and make and then flex our muscles and abs together.

You know after we will meet our life's gonna change forever like ever .

❀˖° Pile 3 .

Come on pile 3 ! Let's see your fs's messages :

When I'm with you I feel like my inner child is alive again .

I wanna dance with you everywhere I feel .

I love it alot when you scold me like I'm your baby.

I know you read lots of smuts ! what about me ? Did you think I won't know about it ?

Come on let's rob some fruits from our neighbors and then later I'm gonna steal yours also haha

I'm ticklish are you too??

Whenever you gonna argue with Me I'm gonna dance to end it up !

Madam/Sir , I'm at your service to annoy you!

If I'm gonna fall then I will make you fall too ! That's what we say together forever pinky promises .

You are my sun shine! I'm your moon light!

©️ @theladybrownstarot 2023 all rights reserved. Any stealing Or copying of work will be a punishable offence.

[child-of-helios]

Calypso x Leo SUCKS, here is why

Look, I get why that sounds harsh, and it is, but hear me out.

First and most importantly, Calypso is a pedophile. We see her fall in love with 14 year old Percy, then 15/16 year old Leo. Already weird, right? And look, if we got some explanation as to why it would ever be okay for a titaness who is thousands of years old to fall in love with CHILDREN, maybe I could see past it.

BUT in the odyssey myth, Odysseus was MUCH older than a teenager. He was already noted to be an old wise king (who was old enough to feign madness from old age) at the START of the Trojan war. Now that war lasted 10 years and add to that the multiple years he spent traveling to Ithaca, and you got an old-ass man. So either Calypso was already a mature adult, or a child thirsting after some old dude. Sure, it happens, but weird. Let's not forget that Odysseus was married and very much still in love with his WIFE Penelope, but Calypso basically kept him hostage on her island and would not let him leave at all.

Now let's get to Percy, he got blamed for not making sure that the gods kept their promise??? Good sir that is a 16 year old who just got out of a WAR and had his memory stolen, of course he didn't check with the gods. ITS NOT HIS RESPONSIBILITY! He shouldn't be held accountable. Also let me remind you that Calypso wanted him when he was 14. Not a good look.

And finally, we get to Leo. Poor poor Leo. A boy who was oh-so starved for love that he took anything he could get, and that's my explanation as to why Calypso x Leo ever happened. Honestly, I adored Leo. I had a crush on him (still kinda do shhh), I won't lie. However, I also adored Annabeth but since her and Percy are amazing together, I could get behind Percabeth. But Caleo? Hell no. Sure, they have a fun dynamic, but it's more of a sibling dynamic in my opinion. I would've rather had Leo x Khione or something. Maybe Leo x Echo cause that would've been adorable. But Caleo??? No. He should've never gone back for her. Leave her to rot.

Secondly, Calypso is simply a jerk. And I'm the type of person who adores asshole characters when done right. Octavian is great because he's an irredeemable asshole AND he gets karma. But Calypso? She's a bitch and gets such a kindhearted boyfriend in return. Like I said, she tried to pressure a (married) man into sleeping with her and is simply a dick to Leo (HER BOYFRIEND) and I could understand if they were siblings, cause siblings are dicks to eachother with love underneath, but she just sucks. She immediately hated him, which she has reason to do after what happened to her, but even after that she was just horrible to Leo. I seriously don't see why he loves, likes, or even tolerates her.

In conclusion, I hate what Rick did to Leo. I adore his stories like no other (which is why I'm so passionate about this), but he really fumbled the bag here. Calypso is just not a good fit for Leo.

Personally I really do prefer Leo x Jason, Leo x Nico or even Leo x Echo. And yes it does sound weird for me to say that considering that I call Calypso a pedo, but I could see Echo not being able to age normally because of being stuck with Narcissus. Echo x Leo is in my opinion much better than Calypso x Leo.

Um sorry- that was really mean but I needed to say that.

On a lighter note I saw this really long worm which was cool! :D

[l1tw1ck]

Clingy

bottom!afab!sub John Doe x top!masc!dom Reader

☆ Word Count: 958 ☆

↳ [REQUEST] | AFAB Language Used

CW: Yandere, Face Fucking, Sir Kink, Riding, Nipple Sucking, Orgasm Delay, Squirting, Creampie

You can't go a day without John Doe by your side or at a distance. Everywhere you go, they follow. No matter where. It was starting to get annoying. They even kill people for you, all those close to you are gone and all you’re left with is John.

John clings onto your arm as you walk home, their signature grin on their face. “Can we do it today?” He asks, rubbing his head on your arm.

You sigh. “Sure.” You reply, stepping into your house. You don't have much patience to deal with them today so at least they'll do something worth your while. Having sex is one of the few instances in which you're not annoyed with his presence.

You plop down onto the couch and John scurries over to slot himself in between your open legs, wasting no time getting your length out of its confines. They tuck their hair behind their ears before darting their tongue out and licking the tip of your cock. John drags their long tongue along your shaft, wrapping the unnatural appendage around it and getting you hard. You groan in pleasure as his warm mouth swallows your cock, his tongue still wrapped around your length as he sucks you off. He looks into your eyes as he does so, a red blush strewn across his cheeks.

You grip his hair and force him to move faster, his previous pace too slow for you. John moans as you fuck his face, happily letting you take over. He doesn't gag or drag his teeth along your shaft, one of the few things you love about him. He makes for a good cock sleeve. He reaches down into his pants to touch himself, jerking off his bottom growth as you make a mess of him. You make him deep throat you while letting out sounds of pleasure as he takes your cock without issue. John speeds up his hand movements, loving the noises you make. It tells him that he’s making you feel this good, that his mouth is bringing you this much pleasure.

“You’re better off as my cock sleeve.” You roll your head back. John blushes even harder, eyes rolling back as he orgasms. His moans vibrate along your shaft, bringing you closer to your peak. You pick up the pace, aggressively fucking his mouth before slowing down and dumping your load down his throat.

You pull John off of you, a cute expression on his face that almost makes you forget why he annoys you so much.

“Mo- more..?” He looks at you sweetly.

“If you stop following me around and killing off every person I talk to, I’ll give you more.”

If they stop, will you keep giving them what they want? Just the idea of it makes them excited. “Okay!” They grin.

You stand up and force them to lay on the floor stomach first. John raises their ass high and looks back at you with an intense and excited expression. You unzip their jeans and tug them down, not surprised to see how damp his underwear is. After taking off his boxers, you align your length with his hole and shove yourself inside their warm and welcoming pussy. John bites their lip, eyes rolling back as you fuck into him roughly.

“Yes!” John moans like a shameless slut. “Harder!”

“You don't get to make orders, whore.” You spank their ass.

They moan in response. “Sorry, sir~!”

You grip John’s waist tightly, fucking him even harder. You use your other hand to grab his hair and pull him back. His mouth hangs open, more moans falling out of him. “If you're good, I’ll come inside.”

They shiver. “I- I’ll be guh- good, sir~! So good~!”

“Yeah? You won't come before me, right?”

“I pro- promise!” They nod rapidly. They always come first but now that they're presented with a reward, they’ll try harder to hold back.

“That's a good demon.” You flip them onto their back and push up their shirt. You grope his breast, your mouth occupying the other, and start fucking him at the same pace. John rolls their head back, literally drooling as you stimulate all but one of their pleasure points. They're not sure if they can keep their promise anymore.

“Wa- wait-” They feel their orgasm quickly approaching. “I wah- wanna ride you, sir!”

You stop completely. “..Okay.” You pick him up and sit down on the couch with him still on your cock. John pulls their shirt off completely and starts riding you, moving slowly and sensually. You grope his chest, returning to once again give them the love they deserve. John moans softly as you suck on their nipple.

“Does it feel good?” They ask, gyrating their hips.

You pull away for a moment. “Yeah, move a little faster.”

They pick up the pace, rising up before forcefully slamming down onto your cock. Your moans are muffled by his breast but he can tell you like it. “Are you gonna come, sir?”

You take your mouth away from his chest and nod. You lean back, reaching your peak. John stares at you intensely, focused on how attractive they think you look when you orgasm. A grin grows on their face as soon as they feel your cum flooding their insides. They slow their movements to a halt and wait for your instructions. You rub their clit in circles, causing them to subconsciously roll their hips. You don't mind the slightly overwhelming sensation and help him get to his peak. John holds onto your shoulders and throws his head back, squirting.

“You’ll be good from now on, right? No more killing or stalking.”

“I promise.” John nods, looking at you hazily.

[dairy-farmer]

Is me~ back to haunt you Ask Box o/ because I just had A Thought(tm)

What if~? The OPPOSITE of my Magic Sex Toy idea? Uno Reverse?

But how would that even work? You say. Tim would very obviously notice!

Oh ho ho~ ye of little Faith! *slaps my "join the Church of Civilian Tim" poster I obviously made myself* CONSIDER! Not a cape! Semi-stable schedules!

We open our scene with stalking. As ya do. Tim would prefer you call it "bird watching" or "observing the night life" but... let's be real here. Stalking. He's getting them NICE Premium Pics for his Definitely-Not-A-Stalker-Shrine. There's a newbie on the scene. A gaudy robe wearing mofo.

3 guess what HIS shtick is. First two don't count.

But! Thing is? Tim is no long a wee baby faced pre-teen. He is a Man(tm). Legally, twice over. And well... you find a LOT if Neat Late Night Shops running after the bats. He may have been persuaded by CERTAIN libidos that maybe he should check them out. Who can say? You can't prove ANYTHING. These bags are groceries and no you can't check..

Where was he? Ah, right, Pics of the Nightwing booty. *click*

Tim forgets Rule Number 1.5: ALWAYS keep an eye on what the villian is doing.

By the way... what that bright light? Oh, just a SPELL BOLT. Fuckin DODGE, MAN!

He fails to dodge.

🥺 H-His camera... Night-booty... Also why does he feel? Tingly? He doesn't stick around to figure it out. Grabs his TRAGICLY dead camera and bolts. Not getting caught at the scene of the stalking TODAY, no sir! Batmans definitely gonna check the area and he SHANT be there! Early night it is!

He gets back to his apartment. Still feels tingly... but less? Maybe those charms he looked up how to make protected him after all. Still, shouldn't push his luck, you know? He settles in for the night. Gets a warm shower.

Comes out and eyes the bags he dropped by the bed... and... well...

He DID wrap up early~ Maybe treat for Timmy time. He digs them out.

Weird.

They? We're already pretty life like (it's why he bought them) but... when he TOUCHES one? He swears it gets MORE life like? He really should look this up or something... suspect toys in Gotham and all... but on the other hand? Horny. And the boxes WERE closed. It's fiiiiine.

But which one? It's kinda been a while. And he doesn't want to be sore tomorrow. This one!

So Tim lays back. Let's himself enjoy working himself open. Then works the fake(?) Cock inside himself. And oh~ it's WARM. Twitchs. He let's himself enjoy a slow, lazy session. Get really sloppy and relaxed before finally finding juuust the right angle aaaand~

Across the city, the current Robin, Damian Wayne, is shaking APPART on a roof top. Sweat pouring down his temple, thighs trembling as he tries ro stop himself from rutting up into empty air. It won't help. Won't make the damnable TEASING go any faster. Wet and tight and PERFECT around him.

Came out of NOWHERE. One second he was patrolling, the next barely catching himself from falling. Stumbling into an alchove on some god forsaken roof. Hands fumbling to turn off his comms. Absolutely not. They could NOT hear him like this.

Panting into hands pressed tight over his own mouth to stiffle the sound he wants to make. Beg and demand that magnificent heat go FASTER. Plunge him DEEPER. But he CANT. Because there's no one there. Just him and the slowly increasing pressure in his balls, begging for relief.

Then, like prayers answered, it DOES. He could WEEP. Can't stop the aborted jerks of his hips as he chases his relief. Soon is trembling like the virgin he ISNT anymore as he spills into... into SOMEONE.

They take it so well. So perfectly.

He's RUINED. His hand will never be enough after this. And Tim has no idea.

Sure, he's not stupid. He didn't buy toys the fake cum. (So to be safe plan B it is) But? In the cold like of day? Prooooobably magic sex toys. Eh. It's Gotham. Not the weirdest thing to happen. Tim's keeping them.

And using them.

Thus begins the "phantom lover" incident, as Bruce will insist on calling it. Because "we were haunted by random fuckings" sounds... unprofessional. And he's a Dramatic Bitch at heart.

Damian, obviously, told NO ONE. Patrol? Utterly normal. Mind you business. But Bruce? Uncomfortable conversations for EVERYBODY~☆

See, Tim has a long day. His new camera isn't gonna be in for a WEEK. There is no point in going out. So his evening stretchs long and empty before him. Which... SPEAKING of things both long and things empty... >.>

He remembers. There was an absolute UNIT that he bought. It also has that base... which mean he could put it on the sex pillow. Try riding it... oh he's GOTTA, now.

Lucky for Bruce, he's not even in the cave when it hits. Unluckily, it is a cock teasing hell. Nothing to hold. No body to press close. No skin to run his hands across or ears to whisper filthy praise. So TIGHT. Fluttering and fighting to take him. Sinking little by little. Can't even HEAR him praising them. He can't even distract them, rub their clit and sooth them as muscles relax.

Can't hold them by the hips and work them up and down. They way he knows will work best. At angles that will make them SOB. Just nothing, nothing, nothing. Trembling and eager around him but so SLOW. Pausing again and again to adjust. Can't thrust in, can't pull out, only TAKE it. Let himself be teased.

But OH. When they finally, FINALLY get a rythme? He knows they can hear a word he says. Not yet. But the FILTH he growls. The audacity of what they're doing. He's GOING to find them. Going to pin them done and-

Tim spend the next day sore, but happy. Definitely not an "every day" sort of toy, but holy shit the orgasm. He hasn't slept this well in a WHILE. Though... when he wakes up? The Bats are acting weird. Violent, hyper-focused, seemly shaking down leads with a single minded enthusiasm. Weird.

Speaking OFF. Now he's wondering... does the possibly fake cum... TASTE like real cum?

One way to find out.

And... look. Dick may have been warned, but it's one thing to hypothetically get your bits milked dry and another to be doubled over seeing the face of god. He would gladly kill a man for the ability to grab hold of whoever is doing this and ram home. The mouth on him is a thing of wonder and it keeps TEASING the tip. They keep running soft, pampered, little hands up and down his length. God he wants them to feel him in their GUT. Fuck their face and their ass and any OTHER holes they have til everything is sloppy and wet and-

Yep! From the tast flooding Tim's mouth, that's real cum. Good his he got his shot. But it begs the question... whoms't exactly is he fucking? Tim's not sure he's comfortable with random hook ups. What if, Gods forbid, it linked him to the JOKER or something!? He'd have to blow up the city and everyone in it.

He considers this as he resumes his sta- he means, BIRD watching. Newly be-camera-d. Weirdly enough, now Nightwing is acting off too. What is going ON? Also... he could of SWORN he saw the Red Hood a second ago. Did he leave? Aaw D:>

.....what's that sound?

*boss music starts playing* That would be the Red Hood. Owner of the mythical Common Sense gene. HE immediately phoned a friend! And by THAT we mean he beamed up to The Watchtower to get poked at by magic users until he had a scanner.

Beep beep, mother fucker. You have explaining to do.

OR, counter argument.... Tim makes a run for it. Doesn't GET far. But he Sure Did Try! Jason is unamused. Consent is sexy, kids. And he has the gun to explain that. But! TIM has the panic babbling to explain his horny stupidity and innocence.

Fair enough. He's confiscating them though. If you get horny, just fucking ask.

Wait.... really? Does Jason really mean that?

And... two things. Cute Horny Idiot knows his identity. And.... he never said HE wasn't also apparently a horny idiot. Sure, why the fuck not.

He confiscate the magic contraband... then bends that twink in HALF. Comms off, back into it. Tim can barely breathe, pressed down so tightly to the bed as his guts get re-arranged, callused hands holding his legs spread, his childhood hero rumbling FILTH into his ear as hips snap against his, again and again and AGAIN. The world is hot and fuzzy around the edges and... AND-!

Jason's pretty damn smug that HES not only the one who found mystery twink, but them fucked him incoherent. He seriously considers just... not saying anything. Whoops! Nothing to find here folks. To bad the Watchtower is a fuckin snitch.

So obviously Bruce finds out. And wants to "talk to him". Which inevitably ends with Tim, pressed close to his front, held still as he "fucks him properly". Which as far a Tim is concerned is a god damned excuse to EMPALE him on his monster of a cock. Work it deeper and deeper, all while holding him like a lover, as he absolutely DESTROYS Tim's poor puss. Makes him lose count of how many times he's gotten off. Until everything is too bright and hyper sensitive. Til it's nearly hurting but not quite there and all Tim can think about, as he whimpers and drools, is SLEEP.

Oh... and THEN he wants to talk about how Tim knows their secret identies. Ask him in the morning or Tim WILL cry at you.

He wakes up in Wayne Manor. He did not go to sleep in Wayne Manor. He can't move his lower body with out pain. Bruce is clearly pretending he planned that. Liar.

Then? Karma. His horny chickens come home to roost. Has Bruce introduced you to his sons? This is Dick and Damian. They remember you. And would like a "word".

(The word is sex and they would like it as soon as possible)

👀👀👀!!!!!!!!!!!! a reverse magic sex toy!!!!!!!!!!!!! where tim tortures the other bats by fucking his little pussy with their cocks while they're forced to just suffer and endure it until he's finished. more than once they almost scream from frustration because tim finishes before they do and he pulls them out of his warm, slick little hole. 👀👀👀👀

[speedycoffeedelight]

An Animalistic Disaster

Summery: Where you remember some bad memories and almost get into an accident.

CH-4: Bad memories and a deery situation

TW: Truma flashbacks and strong languages. Though Angel being here means there's gonna strong language every chapter.

Wait you guys?!? What the fuck happened? please tell me I'm just hallucinating from my drinks!'Angel practically screamed as he frantically looked around at the animals around him which sounded like his friends. Charlie looked at Angel sympathetically. Angel was now a white furry spider with a big pink heart on his back with two of his big mismatched eyes and six small pink eyes.'Clam down angel, we'll explain everything' Charlie said, preparing to tell the tale of her mistake again.

Angel's mind was practically blown after he heard Charlie's story. 'What the fuck do we do now?? I was just wondering where the hell everyone went since the hotel was feeling empty. I never imagined get sucked in a book like this' Angel freaked out more. 'And worse looking like this!'

'Clam down angel.. we'll figure something out.. eventually..' Charlie cringed mentally as she said that since all of this was practically her fault. If she had only listened to Vaggie back then, this wouldn't happen. Meanwhile while they were talking Niffty went around the house looking for something to clean with. This place was rather filthy in her opinion and she wanted to clean it. But she had to find something of her size to clean with. After some searching she came across a small brush perfect for cleaning and she could hold it in her mouth. Cleaning with brush in her mouth was much harder then she imagined, but she was determined to make this place squeaky clean.

Meanwhile you reached the city soon enough, parking your car, you quickly headed to the nearest super market. You finished picking your stuff soon enough. Making sure to get enough dog foods and treats.You bought enough to last a week.

Since you live alone now and you didn't really want to drive for over an hour total everyday to buy foods. After completing the purchase, you picked up the bags in both hands and headed towards your car. While walking, someone suddenly called you.

Looking back you saw some man with shit eating grin checking you up and down. "Hey doll~ need a man's help carrying that many bags?" You internally gagged at his words. But you forced a tight smile on your face. "No, it's quite alright my good sir. These little bags feel nothing to me!"

To emphasize your point you pulled the bags higher and twirled around a little. "But I do thank you for your most gracious offer" with a fake smile you turned around and started walking again. The man was quite shocked at your strength. Even he could tell the bags were quite heavy.

While walking, some angry shouts reached your ears. Looking at the source of sound, you noticed it was a couple nearby who were blaming each other for something. You became tensed and uncomfortable at their screaming and started to walk faster. You desperately wanted to drown out their screams as soon as you could before...oh..

'You are a disgrace to our family!'

'You are a bad example for our daughter, we don't want you near her!'

'I really hope you won't turn out to be a disappointment like your mother!'

'You lying bitch! My son did nothing wrong!'

'Can you do anything right?!'

'look at me when I talk!'

Tears strung at your eyes and memories started to storm through your brain. You desperately tried to forget them as much as you can. You really hated screaming or being screamed at. It made you want to rush to a quiet place,and blast music in your ears till those screams were drowned. You bit your cheek and held your tears in. When you reached your car, you quickly put down the bags and just sat on seat, trying to collect yourself and your thoughts. 'alright I can do this, you're a big girl now (y/n) and they aren't here anymore, collect yourself.' you told yourself as you as you started the car and wiped your eyes.

The rest of the journey was going rather smoothly. You were humming alongside your favourite songs playing in the car. You were close to your cabin. You looked down for a second to change a song as no other car was in the road. But when you looked up at the road, suddenly there was a deer, standing right middle on the road, looking straight at your car. Panic took over your mind as you pushed the break as fast as you could. A bad screeching sound was heard as your car stopped meters away from the deer.

It felt like the deer suddenly came into life. Your (e/c) eyes locked with the deer's red eyes for a split second before the deer sprinted away within the forest beside the road. You gripped the steering wheel hard, breathing heavily from what just happened. Your shopping bags were now on the floor of the car. You were sure some of the eggs you bought broke. You just hoped all of them didn't. You ran a hand through your hair, trying to clam yourself down. This day was just going great.

You put the bags up and started driving again. This time, a lot slower then before. You finally reached your home, parking the car, you took out the bags and went in front of the door. You quickly opened the lock of the door, pushing the door inside. "Home,sweet home" you mumbled. The puppy ran straight at you holding your detailing brush..? In her mouth? Crouching, you put the groceries down and picked up the puppy as it let go off the brush and barked at you happily. You were largely unaware of a pair of red eyes watching you from the distance.

Walking inside and closing the door, you noticed your floors looking a lot...cleaner then before. You looked at the fallen brush which now had dirt on it and then at the puppy. "Did you do this darling? Did you clean my room while I was gone?" You only got some small barks in return. Looking ahead you saw the sheep coming out of your room with the moth on its head as usual. You crouched down again, holding the puppy with one hand and extending the other. "Come here little ewe, I need you guys a bit" The sheep somehow understood what you meant as it came into your arms. The moth again flew to your hair. You held both the puppy and the sheep close in a warm hug, feeling today's fatigue slowly fading away.

"Thank you guys.." you mumbled. In reply the sheep nuzzled into your neck a bit more, the puppy licked your cheek a little and the moth buzzed a little on top of your head. You slowly let go off the animals as you stood up. "Welp,there's no use moping around, let's get you some food puppy!" you took the groceries inside and pulled out the dog food. You picked out a bowl and poured some of the food inside and gave it to Niffty. Niffty began to eat as soon as you put down the plate which startled you. "Guess you were really hungry huh?" You said smiling.

You decided to properly sort through the groceries later. For now you choose to just put the perishable foods like meat and milk inside the freeze. You wanted to begin working as soon as you could so you could distract yourself for a bit. You went into your room to change. After changing into more comfortable clothes, you sat on the chair and turned on your laptop. You were an online newspaper editor. It was your job to make sure there are no typos or mistakes and everything was written well. You would change the narrative of some lines to make them appear more 'exciting' to read, without changing the truth of course.

While waiting for your page to load,you absentmindedly looked around your room. ' Hmm..i should probably get some paintings for the wall, it looks rather empty. Oh look there's a big spider on one corner watching me. As for pillows, I should buy some-'

'THERE'S A BIG SPIDER??'

A.N:(Please read) Just wanted to let you guys know, English isn't my first language. So if y'all find any grammatical errors, I'm really sorry. I'll get back to editing again once my exams are over :')

Also our reader is going to be a physically strong girl, not too much, but stronger than average. So yes she has a bit of muscle. It'll be explained later.

Also reader is a big fan of hazbin hotel:). I wasn't sure to make them a fan or not but think of all the fun scenarios of the characters going through your fanfic history and your thirsty posts about them. Wouldn't that be a sight to see ? :)

*Sips tea cutely*

Author out✌️

Master list

[martiandmichelle]

OK, it's time to tell the story all my friends are on me to tell. . .

I'll start by explaining this blurry photo (as taken by my associate Kaatje). The morning the Southeast exhibition of my Agency opened (at 9:00 am) those of us who had a display booth were asked to be ready for an inspection by the staff beginning at 7:30. The convention center was nice enough to open for us at 5:30. The previous night I had gotten a call from one of the organizers asking if I could be ready by 7:00 and I'm like "Sure!" since I'm a morning person anyway. I arrived at 6:00 dressed as in the photo (it was unusually cold outside for early Spring). As many of you know who have attended these kind of things, the flow when you walk into the arena is usually you go right and the last booth you see are the ones of the far left. Well, I was the far left booth - though it was an unusually large booth. So I should be the last one anybody visits, right? Well, read on.

The lady pictured whose booth was next to mine was an absolute riot - friendly and funny. She's a 6'4" trans lady named Melodee. She and I hit it off immediately: short me with the monster boobs and tall Melodee with the long legs and schlong. We had chatted for maybe 10 minutes when I grabbed my bag to go change (after agreeing to go with her and her trans friends to a bar that night - "they're going to LOVE you!" she said) when suddenly her smile change to a gasp with an OMG look on her face. "What?" I asked.

"It's him, it's Mr. G------! The global CEO!" She acted like she was putting something on a table in her booth when there was actually nothing in her hand. "Be careful," she said quietly. "He's an absolute bastard." Then she exclaimed "And, oh fuck, he's coming this way!"

Melodee was suddenly a nervous wreck. I wasn't sure what to do; I mean, I've fucked my share of wealthy, powerful men and stared down plenty of assholes in the past so I just held on to my bag and smiled as he approached.

As he approached a big smile lit his face. "Good morning, ladies," he said as he got close. "You're Melodee, right?" he said shaking her hand. "What's wrong?" he then asked her shocked face.

"Nothing, sir. I mean I'm just surprised you remember my name," she answered.

"Not at all," he said. "It's important to remember someone's name, and, besides, I hear good things about you. Congratulations!" She blushed and nodded a thank you. He turned to me. "And you must be Miss Marti. I've been dying to meet you!" He reached out his hand and I took it. "Very anxious to meet you indeed," he repeated then bent and kissed my hand. I could see Melodee behind him mouth a long "Wooooow!" in my direction. He turned to Melodee and asked "May I borrow your neighbor for a few minutes?" She nodded and he directed me to the back of my booth.

"But you are at a disadvantage," he said when we turned to face each other. "Here, my name is Bas. Well, Bas G-------. But I won't you to call me Bas," he seemed more nervous than I felt. "It is only fair for me to say that I am the Global CEO of -------------- (my Agency) but I want you to forget that. I am here this morning because I wanted to tell you without others around that I am a huge fan of yours." His eyes roved to my chest, stayed for a few seconds then came back to my face. "Yes, a VERY BIG fan. And I wanted to thank you for all you do for the Agency's business and for my eyes - and, well, other parts, too!"

Where was this asshole Melodee warned me about? He was being very nice and charming. Bas was tall, the same height as Melodee, gray haired, nice looking, and fit, especially for a man in his late 60's. But I was most impressed by how this very wealthy and, in this circle at least, very powerful man only wanted to talk about me. So we had a very pleasant 15 minute talk, we laughed some, he spent a lot of time staring at my breasts - which I enjoyed - and then he had me autograph one of my photos for him.

When he took my hand to say goodbye, he had one last thing to add. "I am, unfortunately, very busy with business this weekend during the show, but I have cleared my lunch time today. Would you join me?" I said "yes" and he beamed, made our lunch plans, then left to spend a bit of time with the other girls and guys who were showing.

When he was away from Melodee and I she grabbed my arm as I left to go change. "Girl," she said. "That man adores you!" I waved her off and went to change.

I'll stop there. More to come!

Marti

[ivy-loves-chocolate]

𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝙸 𝚜𝚊𝚒𝚍 𝚐𝚘𝚘𝚍𝚋𝚢𝚎

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨ P l o t ୧⋆ ˚｡⋆ Leon and the reader get separated after the events of the RE2 remake.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨ N o t e ୧⋆ ˚｡⋆ I don't know where I'm going with this so bear with me lmao. I was thinking of turning this into a series, with some time skips to RE4, RE6, and so on. For now, I'm scheduling this for two chapters, but if you like it and want more I can extend the story. I don't write for Leon often, so please tell me if I did it right. Your feedback is really appreciated!

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨ P a i r ୧⋆ ˚｡⋆ Leon Kennedy x Reader;

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨T a g s ୧⋆ ˚｡⋆ fluff, angst, and a bit steamy at the end.

Ko-fi || Patreon

The train finally stopped at the end of the line after a long and silent ride. Claire and Sherry fell asleep on the bench while you spent the ride in Leon's arms. None of you talked about what happened; you were just happy to be alive.

When you reached your final stop, everyone was eager to exit the train to breathe the fresh air. The morning sun was too strong for your sensitive eyes, which got used to the darkness. Still, all of you were grateful for the warming sensation that caressed your sore bodies.

After a very long walk filled with Sherry's silly and funny questions, you managed to find a gas station. The cashier was weirdly watching all of you, and who could blame him? Everyone was dirty and bloody, with an expression of sorrow and regret on their faces. The only one who seemed relatively normal was Sherry, but maybe she was just good at hiding her pain.

All of you walked around the store under the judgmental eyes of the cashier, trying to find some affordable supplies.

"Do you have any money on you?" Leon was a bit concerned.

"Yeah, I think I can cover the water."

"Good."

A soft smile appeared on his face. It wasn't because of you; no, it was just a simple thing that made him happy. Still, that smile warmed you, and you wished you could've stayed and watched him a few seconds longer, just to make sure you'd never forget it.

"Shit, if I knew that we'd end up here, I would've robbed a few cash registers on the way," Leon said as he picked some sandwiches.

You giggled as you picked up some protein bars.

"That would've come in handy right now."

All of you placed the products on the counter and waited for the cashier to finish scanning. You watched anxiously as the sum increased, exceeding the number you had in your pockets. The total felt heavy, and everyone began to empty their pockets.

"It's all we have, sir." Claire said, after he counted the money and realized it was not enough. He gave you a long stare, but before he would say anything, Leon intervened.

"C'mon, man, we had a rough night."

"Please, mister," Sherry added.

The guy looked at all of them again and let them go.

"Now we need a ride." You said as you walked out.

A random man just came in and passed by you, ignoring your presence completely. He had his convertible outside, probably with a full tank.

"He won't notice it's missing," Claire said as she boldly approached the vehicle. "Sherry, keep an eye."

"Wait, what are you doing?" Leon asked, worried.

"What does it seem I'm doing? I'm getting us a ride."

"Claire no."

"Do you want to walk to the next city?" She asked, ready to hotwire the car.

"I don't know. No, of course not, but stealing is not okay."

You couldn't help but smile because of how cute Leon was at that moment. Even after he went through hell last night, he still maintained some of that rookie innocence.

"Guys, hurry; I think he is coming," Sherry said, alarmed.

"Come one." Leon scoffed as everyone got in the car. Before the man realized it, the car was long gone. His wallet was in there. Maybe luck was starting to be on your side.

.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・．.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・．.・゜゜・　

Sadly, when you got to the nearest town, Claire had to go on her own to find her brother, Chris, leaving you, Leon, and Sherry in a hotel. She took the car but left you the cash and cards you found.

"Are you sure you want to do this on your own?" You were a bit concerned. After all, you three destroyed an Umbrella facility and survived the mess they created. That will backfire at some point.

"I'm sure. It's my brother; I've got to do this on my own." You hugged her and held her tight for a few seconds. Claire was an amazing person, and you didn't know if you were ever going to see her again.

"Take care," Leon said as he hugged her too. He didn't want her to go, but he couldn't force her to stay either. To be honest, he thought that all of you would stay together to figure out the next move. Claire's leave saddened him a little.

The most affected was Sherry. She glued herself tightly to Claire's body and hardly let go.

"Take care of them for me, ok?" She said it in a brittle voice.

Sherry nodded and joined you and Leon, watching Claire go in the car and drive far away in the distance.

.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・．.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・．.・゜゜・　

Leon thought it would be best to have separate rooms, one for you and Sherry and one for him. He wanted some time alone to cope with everything that happened: the outbreak, the countless deaths, the loss of Ada, and Claire's departure. He didn't know about the destruction of Raccoon City yet.

Leon locked the door behind him and sighed. The room was modest, with orange and yellow tones, a small TV on a table in front of a queen-sized bed, a bathroom next to the entrance, and a cloth hanger. The first thing he did was close the curtains. He wasn't there for the view.

Leon knew he should get some rest, but the events of the previous night kept hunting his mind. The screams, the lies, the blood, and the monsters took their turn to torment the young rookie, who was fidgeting around the room.

Suddenly, a powerful smell hit him and almost made him puke. After a few sniffs, he realized he was the source of the reek, and hurried into the bathroom to take a hot shower. The warm water was a blessing on his beaten skin, and he lingered there hoping that the water would also wash away his memories and guilt. Sadly, it didn't have the desired effect, but at least he smelled nice.

Leon didn't have any clean clothes around but a white bathrobe. Feeling tired he lay on the bed trying to get some sleep. Frustration begins to build up the more he kept squirming in bed.

"God damn it," he said, but he wasn't ready to give up yet. He kept fidgeting until he found a comfortable decision, but his relief was short-lived when his mind started to play with him once more. He needed answers—lots of answers. Who was behind all of this? Why was Umbrella developing all those monsters? And most importantly, what happened to Raccoon City?

Defeated, he got up from the bed and went to the minibar to search for alcohol. A gentle knock on the door got his attention.

"Come in," he said, and a smile appeared on his face when he saw you standing in the doorframe, waiting for him to invite you inside. You wore a bathrobe too.

"Thanks," you said as you closed the door behind you. "How are you holding up?"

"I had better days," he confessed. "How's Sherry?"

"Well, we didn't talk much about what happened. We washed then we watched some cartoons. After that, she fell asleep. The kid was exhausted. I wanted to sleep but I couldn’t…because of…�� you paused, trying to ignore all the flashbacks that came to you.

“Yeah, I know…” Leon added gloomily.

“Anyway, I decided to check on you. Figured you weren’t sleeping.”

"How kind of you," he said while opening the small door of the fridge.

"They don't have any alcohol. I checked first thing when I came in the room."

"Damn it. Then why do they have it on the menu?"

You shrugged.

"Beats me. It’s what we get for the money we paid. I mean, the rooms are pretty cheap; it's not like we will get quality service." You said.

"Damn, and I really thought we'd get top services here. I really wanted a valet to park my Lamborghini."

"If a valet is an old security guard sleeping on duty, then you're halfway there."

"Yeah, all I need now is a Lambo."

You both laughed, but the moment lasted shortly, and Leon dragged himself to the bed, where he sat on the edge. Then he rested his head on his palms and sighed.

This drastic and sudden change in his demeanor scared you a little because you knew it was becoming harder and harder for him to hide his pain behind silly jokes. In front of you, there was a broken man who suffered terribly after what happened in Raccoon City and who was now carrying the burden of being one of the few survivors. You sat next to him, and you began to gently caress his back.

"Why did they allow this to happen? Why didn't I come sooner?" He said it in a brittle voice.

"If you came early, then you would've been long dead. And you wouldn't have met me, Claire, and Sherry."

"Yeah, but still..."

"Leon, there is nothing you could've done to prevent this. Please stop torturing yourself." You pressed your body against his and held him tight. One of your arms slid across his chest, while the other went over his back. Leon grabbed your hand and held it tightly.

"I'm sorry; I just don't wanna lose you too."

"Leon..."

He rose, and now you were on the same level. His blue eyes were staring at you, expressing both need and sorrow. He needed you to be there for him.

His palms fell to his knees, and your right hand was still in his gentle and warm grip. You raised your left arm, your delicate fingers brushing away some strands of blond hair from his forehead. Once you started to gently caress his temples with your fingertips, he closed his eyes and allowed himself to enjoy the pleasure that a gentle touch brought him after so many hours of hell.

"I'm here, Leon, and I'm not going anywhere."

"That sounds so good."

You locked eyes again. His grip tightened, and your palm was resting on his face now, your big thumb caressing his bruised cheek.

"Promise you'll be here for me too."

"Promise."

He closed the space between you, and soon your lips touched. It was a delicate, shy kiss in which you kept pressing your lips over and over onto each other. His hand let go of yours just to move to your waist and join the other one. You cupped his face and kept him close as the kiss became more and more passionate.

Tag list: @shadow-wolf510 @skylar-todd @lunarastrobabe @ravenrune @alewesker @rokurodokuro (if you want to be added dm me🤗).

Oh and on a small note, the next chapter will be steamy :)

[peachymilkandcream]

My Husband, My Monster|Part 2|William Afton x Wife!Reader

(A/N: Part 2 is here! I've honestly had such a good time writing this so far, part of me is kind of happy to not have a technical storyline to stick to so strongly like Break Me Slowly. I'm trying my best to keep these to once a week but we'll see how well we do with Christmas coming up. Also I'm not sure how long this fic will be, apparently more movies are coming out so once it's finished I might just make some oneshots inspired off of them but we'll see. Enjoy and don't hesitate to hope in my inbox for requests!)

WARNINGS: noncon, dubcon, power imbalance, age difference, manipulation, mind breaking, yandere themes, yandere behaviours, domestic violence, misogyny, violence, William’s a warning himself, etc.

=============================================

A person's first job was always a memorable part of their life, truly learning how to become an adult and gain valuable experience. And one hell of a experience it was.

The first shift had been great, William had taken her under his wing, showing her the ropes and ensuring that she understood her position. The atmosphere of work was lovely, friendly and playful and she got to interact with children which she loved. Each section of the diner was a wonder of mechanical feats, animatronics who came to life all because her boss was an ingenious man. Ketchup stains and the occasional milkshake spill were well worth the experience of it all.

"Well done for your first day, I hope everything didn't scare you off just yet."

She smiles, taking a moment to rest her feet after the long day. "Yeah, I knew going in there would be some level of chaos, it'll be fine."

"So in that case I'll see you tomorrow at eight sharp?"

There's a pause. "In the morning?"

"Of course, although it's common to be here a few minutes early."

"Well- sir- I have class that morning-"

"And I need you here. There's the most to do in the morning."

"I understand I just think I can't make it-"

William frowns. "I thought you could be flexible."

"Well I can but-"

"No it's alright, I see how it is. I'm counting on you and yet you're not here to back it up."

She chews her lip, she never could stand letting people down. "But class-"

"At the end of the day schooling won't get you everywhere you need, job experience is what's important."

There's a long moment of pause, considering her options. "Well- I suppose I can skip one class, one of my friends can take notes for me."

Now William brightens. "There we go, I knew I could count on you." His hand lands on her shoulder, keeping it there for a touch longer than usual to let it sink in.

Her smile is tight and forced, clearly a bit annoyed at having to miss one of her classes, but that she would come to grips with soon enough. =============================================

The next day ends similar to the first, hard work and exhaustion, stains and slight discomfort. Moments of rest spoiled when her boss slid her the paper copy of her indefinite schedule.

"These are all mornings-"

"Of course, it seems like that's where you're the best suited and it's where I need you the most. Why, is that a problem?"

"Did I forget to give you my class schedule? All my classes are mornings."

William shrugs. "I'm not sure what to say, I'm sure you can get by on notes."

"I'll get in trouble-"

"Oh you've never been to higher schooling, I have, don't worry it will be fine. All that really matters is that you know the material for tests and quizzes. That's all."

She shifts uncomfortably, as if deciding whether or not to argue the point further or if she should believe him.

Finally she nods, accepting. "I suppose you're right, it'll work out in the end."

============================================

Weeks went on like this, William working her to near collapse, giving her little time for friends and family and no time for school. The exhaustion was affecting her grades surely, since she always complained about not finishing an assignment on time.

It was inevitable when she came to him and told him of dropping out.

"You had to drop out? Why?" He asked innocently.

"My grades went down too far, and I just couldn't seem to focus or find interest in the course anymore. It was for the best to just quit before I spent too much money."

"That's such a shame."

She shrugs and gives a sad smile. "It's probably for the best, if I couldn't handle the schooling I wouldn't have handled the field."

He can't help but press further. "What do your parents think about this? They paid your tuition yes?"

"They're not happy at all, which is why I have to give in my two week notice."

This gave him pause, annoyance and confusion causing him to frown. "Two week notice? I would think you'd need a job more than ever now."

She shakes her head. "My parents are moving me away, they're convinced the reason I fail is because of my friends so they believe if I'm separated from them then I'll get my career."

All of his hard work was being threatened now, he had to think fast. "You're really going to give up your entire friend group because your parents are trying to order their grown daughter around?" He shakes his head. "I wouldn't allow that if I were you."

"But what can I do? I have no where to go, I can't afford my own place even at full time pay."

William pauses for a few moments for effect. "Well, I hate to see young futures go to waste, and since my heart goes out to those in need, I would be willing to help you afford an apartment. I'll get you to make it up to me in other ways, have you work some more or something, nothing to worry about."

"You'd really do that for me?" Her eyes shine with admiration.

"Of course, I care for all of my employees, and bright young minds need independence to thrive."

"Oh thank you thank you thank you!" Her smile is so big and bright, completely oblivious to the looming clouds threatening her happiness.

[pascaloverx]

Rewrite The Stars

Summary: One photo changes your whole life, when you accidentally bump into a celebrity and the world starts to believe that you are a couple.

AO3 LINK next chapter

PREVIEW

Work to achieve your dreams, they say. But what they don't tell you is that even if you work hard, some dreams won't come true. But for tonight, you will believe that your dreams will come true.

"Table six has been ordering the dish for half an hour. You know how these rich people are. If you don't want to lose your job, learn to walk faster." Your supervisor speaks almost shouting at you. It even seems like you're the only one who is a waitress in this restaurant. Five stars, my ass. Obviously at the moment, you can't respond back saying that the service is terrible because half the staff is busy waiting for the big celebrity who is coming to dinner here tonight.

"Yes, chef. I'll walk faster." You rush back with the last two orders you were in charge of taking. You were supposed to be dismissed almost two hours ago but we can't leave until the big star of the night comes. Pedro Pascal.

The man of the moment. Probably the face you've seen the most all year. They're coming to dinner at the restaurant where you work that night, they made a reservation for four. Everyone is speculating that he will bring some romantic interest.

Your manager has simply spent the last three hours warning you that any mistakes today will be resolved with a dismissal. You just can't imagine a worse time.

You almost trip when you're finishing serving the couple who ordered duck in white sauce. The restaurant is in chaos and thanks to that, your manager didn't fire you. You then decide to go outside to get some air, which might help you stay on your feet for the next few hours.

You're breathing chaotically, without any rhythm. You want to escape from this almost claustrophobic restaurant. In your haste, you don't see anything in front of you. You just feel that you bumped into another person's body. Your body was almost thrown to the ground with the impact. And when you looked up, you saw him.

"Mr. Pascal, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you." You say it as soon as you realize what you did. An interesting fact is that Mr. Pascal held you tight with his arms so that you don't fall to the ground. If anyone saw from a distance they would think you were hugging each other. You immediately walk away, thinking that if your boss sees this, you're fucked up.

"Are you well? Your forehead is bleeding." He asks, touching his forehead lightly as if he were more worried about that than hiding. I bet he came through the back to avoid commotion.

"That was nothing, Mr. Pascal. You can follow me and I'll take you to your table calmly." You say, ignoring the burning in your head. What's a hurt next to losing this opportunity.

"Are you sure?" Pedro Pascal himself talks to you almost as if you were an alien because you don't allow your pain to show.

"Yes, sir. You don't need to worry about that, worse things have happened to me." You try to improve your expression so that Mr. Pascal can finally enter the restaurant. That's when you notice that you are being watched, by noises from what you imagine are paparazzi. You then take an unprofessional action. You push Mr. Pascal into the restaurant using his body as a shield so that the paparazzi cannot identify him.

"Is this how you treat your customers?" Pascal speaks as you lock the back door. Embarrassed, you turn to face Mr. Pascal after pushing him.

"Mr. Pascal, I'm terribly sorry. But I suspect there are photographers out there. I'm really sorry for the inconvenience." You say almost as if asking for mercy.

"Alright, miss. If you'll take me to my table, I promise to forget about this pushing." Mr. Pascal speaks as he watches you. You feel awkward, but you nod your head positively and lead him to his table.

[jayden-killer]

DREAMS ARE MY REALITY. (pt. 4)

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3]

What would happen if your favourite fictional character appeared in your bed...?

A/N: oh boy. This is 1000% certificated angst. *cries hard* ALSO ITS BEEN ALMOST ONE YEAR OMG I'm back!!!

Taglist (write me down in the comments if you want to be added!): @strxngegirl @d1lf-loverrr @laysmt @musicalhistorical @souichi-sbitch

☆

Miguel and I didn't have much to do that day. My boss had let me take a few days off, and I was somewhat relieved. The possibility of not going to work in those days turned into an opportunity to strengthen the bond with Miguel. Now he lived in my house until his Gizmo adjusted and he was able to get through to Lyla. I didn't mind his presence, because I had always considered him as my friend, or maybe more than a friend, even before I knew he was real.. But that didn't matter. Miguel was going to leave sooner or later. And this would also lead to a void in my heart. I decided to chase those thoughts away and suggest that he take a walk in the city park near my house that morning. He agreed.

°☆°

The humidity was gone, and I remember him blowing a light cool breeze that ruffled our hair and clothes. On our way to the park, we didn't talk much. I had guessed that Miguel was a man of few words, but I still hoped that he had something to say. Anything.

"Here we are" I let my face adorn itself with a smile "A little fresh air won't hurt you. Lately you've always been locked up in my studio trying to find a solution to get back into your dimension".

"Indeed" he agreed, looking around "But it's not a situation to be underestimated. I'm afraid Lyla is broken"

"I'm sure you'll find the right solution, but it's not good for you to be stuck indoors 24/7. Even I go out once in a while!" I replied, joking. There seemed to be a small smile on his face. "Maybe yes..."

My gaze fell on a café, never seen before, which had probably recently opened. I figured a coffee or something might help miguel relax even more. I met his eyes, tired and thoughtful. "Would you like a coffee?" I proposed.

"Okay. No sugar, but milk...and medium"

"Wow, the big boy is thirsty this morning!"

“Whatever, get in line, since there's a lot of them.” He rolled his eyes annoyed. "Okay, you stay here, I think it won't take me long. The queue is flowing" With that, I left Miguel for a few minutes, hoping that nothing had happened, nothing strange or bad. But maybe I was wrong. And I could not have foreseen it.

Miguel remained silent, watching his friend leave. He took a deep breath and looked around for the third time, then sat down on a nearby bench. He admired the children's play area for a while (at least, it seemed to him a while) and tried not to think about it at all. But it was not easy for him not to think of his beloved Gabriella. Her beloved, perfect child. Every time her face came back to him, the memories resurfaced and he always ended up in a difficult situation, in which he either cried or was forced to repress that sadness. And the second option today was the one he would have chosen. Crying in public, at his age... "You're a grown-up adult, O'Hara, act like one! Gabriel wouldn't be happy about that, so don't try to cry-"

"Excuse me, sir, but can you get the ball out of those bushes? It's too high".

That voice managed to bring Miguel back to reality and he noticed a pretty, little girl in soccer gear and her face slightly covered in mud. Miguel's eyes widened, his heart rate accelerated considerably and he seemed to forget what was around him. He almost forgot even the little girl's ball. He was too busy watching the girl smile politely at him, patiently waiting for him to give her the ball back. Nodding weakly, he got up off the bench, plucking the ball from the branches with ease. The little girl jumped with happiness and took back the ball that Miguel handed her, to then give him an even bigger smile.

"Thank you very much, sir!"

"Gabriella..."

His words flew out of her mouth without a second thought. "Is that you, Gabriella?"

"Thank you". Smiles to the bartender, carrying in hand the two glasses full of coffee. On one of them there was written "Miguel :)". I specifically asked the bartender to draw a smiley face, because I thought it was cute. But as I was walking to the place where I had left Miguel a few minutes ago, I almost dropped my coffee by the hand. My mouth opened with surprise. I never expected to find Miguel chatting happily, inches away, with a little girl. His tail was high and he was wearing sportswear, while he was swinging his legs with a football on his legs. That little girl had a very familiar face. I thought I saw her somewhere. It was at that moment that I realized: it was the carbon copy of Gabriella, Miguel’s daughter. But what was she doing there? Why was she there?

My legs moved by themselves, getting closer and closer to eavesdropping on the scene. And so Miguel noticed me: he looked up from the child’s eyes and, unexpectedly, smiled at me. I never thought I’d see Miguel smiling. He radiated a warm, warm smile that made my heart cliff. Gabriella really had a strong influence on him.

"I... I brought you your coffee," I said without a second thought, and I stretched my arm, passing the glass. He nodded, and took it. She opened and closed her mouth when she finally spoke. "She is Gabriella"

"Great pleasure!" The girl gave me a bright smile and waved at me, so I waved back.

"My pleasure. W-Wha..?" My head moved towards Miguel's direction, visibly confused. "What is happening?"

"She, huh... I pulled a football out of a hedge. And now she’s telling me that she had auditioned for a major soccer team" Miguel explained. I had the distinct feeling that he was almost justifying himself as if it was wrong for him to talk to a shameless copy of his daughter. I never thought there was one on this Earth. Where did she come from? All that was missing were anomalies that appeared outside of multidimensional portals and began to disrupt the city. I shuddered at the thought. Maybe not.

"Oh" I sighed, and smiled embarrassed. "Anyway... cool!"

"Yeah," Miguel smiled even more when his eyes fell on Gabriella’s adorable face. "Can I see some dribble? I bet you’re really good"

"Sure, sir!" Gabriella got up from the bench with speed and, without wasting time, showed us some dribble she made with her foot. The ball held its balance on the tip of her foot, and Gabriella took on a real concentrated expression, frowning her eyebrows. At the end of that, she smiled all satisfied, and asked, "Was I good?"

I clapped my hands, clearly surprised by his performance and showed a big smile. Miguel joined too, clapping more than me. He leaned over her and messed up her tied hair. "You were great, mija".

Mija.

He had unknowingly called her mija.

In my heart, I hoped that Gabriella did not know Spanish. But she didn’t say anything, on the contrary, she smiled even more at his praise. That little girl was special to Miguel, I could read his face. " Now I have to go. Bye, sir!" She waved at him, and we did the same, watching her running away and returning to the park area. That's when I decided to finally sit beside Miguel, coffee still in my hand. I didn't want to look up at him. I could sense he had a look full of sorrow, and decided to keep looking at my coffee.

"She's great".

"Huh?".

"I mean, she's... Great." It was his time to sigh now, shooking his head and chuckling. "I didn't know there was one of her here".

"Neither did I".

Our brief conversation ended in an awkward silence. This was until Miguel decided to keep talking to me. "I'm not saying it's your fault. Of course, it's not, you couldn't know. I'm just saying...I miss her".

Oh. I didn't expect that confession. Miguel wasn't one to express to another person his feelings, and maybe this was the perfect occasion to him to show that he really missed Gabriella.

I couldn’t imagine how he felt devastated to see a variant of his daughter here when he didn’t see it coming. It was the last thing on his mind. All those memories that he tried to repress, all the emotions that he felt for his daughter, now surfaced. Maybe I was stupid to take him out that sunny afternoon. Maybe it was better if we both stayed home. But still, as he said, how could I know?

I glanced at Miguel, who was smiling faintly. Nom had still touched his coffee. " Don’t worry. I know you really miss her".

"My precious girl...".

His voice broke and I saw him shaking. He was...crying. Holding tightly his coffee, he shook and put a hand on his face. He didn't hold himself. Oh, god. No, I couldn't see him crying. This broke my heart. Miguel... was crying. He looked like a scared baby. A baby in a man's body.

I gently took his arm and brought him close to me, placing his head on my shoulder. He buried it more and uncontrollably sobbed. "It's okay, Miguel". With one hand I rubbed his back. "None of this it's your fault. It's okay. You're going to be okay". I softly said, almost like a mother comforting his child. But in reality, I didn't know he was going to be okay. I just hoped he would be, someday.

[goodvibesandmemes]

MOVIE MEMES: “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” (1971) 🍬🍫🤸🏽‍♂️ ↳ Please feel free to tweak them etc.

Themes: fantasy, quirkiness, chocolate, sweets/candy,, whimsy, poetry (some lines are actually from poems quoted by the movie)

“A little nonsense, now and then, is relished by the wisest men.” “What would a computer do with a lifetime's supply of chocolate?” “Oh, you should never, never, doubt what nobody is sure about.” “She was a bad egg.” “If the good lord intended us to walk, he never would’ve invented roller skates.” “The suspense is terrible, I hope it will last.” “Stop. Don't. Come back.” “There’s no earthly way of knowing which direction we are going.” “I am now telling the computer exactly what it can do with a lifetime's supply of chocolate.” “It happens every time, they all become blueberries.” “Impossible, my dear lady! That’s absurd! Unthinkable!” “Time is a precious thing. Never waste it.” “Why? Are you having fun?” “So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it.” “We are the music makers; we are the dreamers of dreams.” “Is it raining, is it snowing, is a hurricane a'blowing?” “Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.” “Don't just stand there, do something!” “Gives it a little kick.” “You're an inhuman monster!” “You will live in happiness too.” “All I ask is a tall ship and a star to sail her by. All aboard, everybody.” “The danger must be growing.” “Can it, you nit!” “I think I can safely say your time and money have been well spent.” “Up the airy mountain, across the rushy glen, de daren't go a-hunting, for fear of little men” (as in the little/wee folk/fairies) “They have a good sporting chance, haven't they?” “There is no life I know to compare with pure imagination.” “You're a crook. You're a cheat and a swindler! That's what you are!” “Little surprises around every corner, but nothing dangerous.” “I'll get you one before the day is out.” “I won't tell, that would be cheating.” “I know how anxious you've all been these last few days...” “Delighted to meet you, sir. Overjoyed, enraptured, entranced.” “Spitting's a dirty habit.” “I think it's the most wonderful place in the whole world!” “So shines a good deed in a weary world.” “You get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir!” “Goodbye, [name]. Adieu. Aufwiedersehen. Gesundheit. Farewell..” “It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal!” “No, no, don't speak. For some moments in life, there are no words.” “The strawberries taste like strawberries.” “We're about to witness the greatest miracle of the machine age.” “Now, don't get excited. Don't lose your head, [name]. We don't want anybody to lose that.” “They won't really be burned in the furnace, will they?” “I’m sorry, but all questions must be submitted in writing.” “Don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he always wanted.” “If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it.” “What is this, [name]? Some kind of funhouse?” “He can't swim.” “Want to change the world? There’s nothing to it.”

[kenmaiii]

MOOVEEE IM CURIOUS!! please do tell why you think each of the boys would flop in dating I'd love to hear an indepth! like as a huge levi fan I'm extremely patient with him as is because same hat with stuff he goes and struggles through but just know I have to put my foot down because he'll eventually be too much and won't accept we definitely got some unhealthy dynamic going on down the line

YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE ANON. kind of a coin toss here tho cuz I think every character in any property should have flaws to some degree! Even if they are a 'perfect' character bcuz no one can actually be entirely 'perfect', but its like. a double edged sword with OM cuz thats either admitting that the writers kind of did their thing for once OR is it just that they completely fumbled in approaching these flaws properly

and reminder this is not me saying they wouldnt have ANY good dateable qualities at all, just pointing out why you'd look at one of them and think Hm. This Is Kinda. Not As Fun As I Wouldve Thought.

BUT YEA. WHY I THINK CHARACTERS WOULD FLOP AT DATING U

LUCIFER: oh boy where do i start. I dont know about the rest of you but I fear that this old man is way TOO strict and domineering most of the time. (not always.................. of course. he has a silly side for sure but good lord...) 😒 like I am nawt trying to date a prison warden can you ease up off me a bit sir... I know the game has taken more care to editing his dialogue in a respectful way but my gawd does this guy demand things from you so much. Like VERY demanding in not tolerating certain things from you, literally it's his way or the highway and you have GOT to do it right too or else. he's like that with everyone sure but with the MC? dating? yeesh! I think if you are the type that doesn't like being told what to do or being talked over you'd get annoyed with him very quickly.

Like the writers unfortunately nailed having someone be so prideful to such blazing smoldering degrees that it ended up overshadowing a lot of his good parts. Getting him to admit things/wrongdoings is so very hard. He's VERY emotionally constipated as hell on top of that. I know he can actually set aside the time to say things to you while being genuine. occasionally. rarely. but he's way more likely to mainly ONLY be open while DRUNK. and while i think its kind of cute as a trait somewhat, are YOU willing to wait for him to be extremely real mainly when he's too drunk to possibly remember every time.

Speaking of getting drunk though he's also like- ridiculously horny a lot which?F?DSf is a bonus if you like that but it can come across as him being overly pushy in many many cases. but once again i can acknowledge the writers/translators have been better at adding in clear consent to choices. 👍🏿 Another thing is that you'd have to deal with him always being busy and overworking himself. and constantly. And as someone that also has very questionable sleeping/eating/overworking habits you are going to have a very hard time getting through to him about this bcuz he puts way too much responsibility on himself AND he has a tendency to forget that he hasnt slept/eaten. It would be a very nasty combo if youre ALSO like that (even if he would scold you for doing the same and take care of you)

Also he cares about them sure but he's most definitely always gonna be complaining about his brothers and Diavolo to you constantly. Are you ready to sit through that. More than usual that is.

Speaking of the brothers being a package deal they will most definitely interrupt any peace and quiet you and the eldest both rarely get, like the mood will just nawt be right im sorry.

Oh and if youre not a dog person I cannot imagine how you are even going to tackle time with him and a giant three-headed demon dog bcuz that would also have to be your baby by default. Walks must be absolutely something! Like I love dogs but really think about it. An actual life-sized Clifford. But a demon dog. I do not have the strength to deal with regularly sized dogs even

MAMMON: he was one of the slightly higher ones on that 'worst to date' poll (nowhere near Luci or Belphie ofc), but it was only people listing about money problems or going 'Ha. imagine sharing a bank account with that guy. it'd be drained so fast'. And yea sure I hear that. u-u All that guy really needs is someone to properly manage and limit his funds and advise him really (but I mentioned before that Mammon shouldnt just be limited to money or material valuable like the writers always do. His fatal flaw is his greed! and greed can encompass many things not just material (There's power, love, friendships, food etc).

His flop when dating you, I would think is being too overprotective and possessive of your time. As much as I love him he DOES overstep quite a bit with the 'being your first'. Sometimes he simply does not consider YOUR feelings on situations and schemes first. Though that's a flaw of most of the people in the devildom have by law of the Main Character Curse™. You must be put into situations I get that -w- But like I said yea he really does have a really big problem with possessiveness and always wanting your time and attention. Which- could get tiring if you're not in the frame of mind to deal with clinginess or possessiveness! Because I totally get that it's a lot for some people.

Harking back to the money thing though I genuinely dont think it'd actually be a SUPER DUPER MAJOR problem with your relationship? He's shown to be quite considerate on that aspect when it really comes down to it. Like he HAS worked a couple extra shifts at a job in canon just to save up and buy gifts before. And he's literally a highly sought after model! And surprisingly good at math when he has the opportunity (though it def still has to relate to him positively $$$) so he could stack his dough pretty normally. He just needs someone to keep an eye on his funds + other sources to balance out his Greed more! 😅

Somehow he manages to be both capable and completely hopeless also which is very impressive! You would have to help him out with a lot of things since he IS used to being spoiled, in a way. He does get treated very poorly by a lot of the characters BUT he clearly still has very lavish tastes and was both a very high-ranking angel AND demon so combined with greed he's used to the good stuff (thus me thinking he's fairly spoiled still- so he will expect a lot of you lowkey) Also I know I said he's well capable of finding his own source of income but he IS canonically bad at saving... and added with the thing above ^ well... If you've watched Abbott Elementary at all he WILL be the Tariq to your Janine, sorry!

TBH.. I cant really think of any other flaws atm besides over-asserting himself to your time and attention

LEVI: grabbing you by the shoulders- THATS IT THATS EXACTLY WHY ANON!!!! his flopping is mainly coming from the fact that he always puts himself down so very much!!! his head is literally his biggest enemy! its natural for people to have insecurities or doubts about things. and that can be especially heightened in relationships; whether platonic or romantic! but oh mein gottness does that guy put himself down so much.

I also struggle with the same things (believe it or not Levi was my wife for a good while like he used to make me teehee giggle like crazy so i get it i relate heavily). But at some point you ARE going to feel a bit drained or tired constantly hearing negative things about someone you care about and love! Supporting and providing reassurance or denying the negative stuff is a given, and can go on for as long as time would permit! But at some point you have got to start believing in yourself a little more and serve cuntress or something, Levi!

If levi was able to work on believing himself more and being more confident (which he has shown himself to do in quite a few cases) I think it can flop a little less!

His gaming time might cut quite a bit into your romantic time as well, especially if youre not the type thats super into gaming. Also considering that this is definitely his first real relationship (compared to the others) and not an ingame one I feel like there would need to be a serious chat at some point over ideals and expectations that he's picked up in game. Or how things possibly work irl. I must be honest, while it is cute for him to get so excited or irl achievements and progress with you he does unintentionally compare that to his gaming experiences quite a bit (even out loud in front of you). Not babying him or shaming him but it's still nice to talk about the things you expect or want relationship-wise and I know he'd be out of his depth with that.

his only other flaw (to some, not me 🤔) might be his avid infodumping and explaining of shows/anime/games/manga IF you arent interested in hearing about that a lot. What else do you guys have in common that you can relate with I suppose? A very minor thing though as I think many of us like a little infodumping nerd as long as they arent being pretentious about it! ^_^

<- she is not going into detail on Rurichan since there's too much debating on if its weird or simply his special interest/comfort character. them artists (especially in the anime) really keep trying to set him up tho..

SATAN: oooh boy. I recognize that Satan's character (ignoring Nightbringer) is for the most part stuck in a limbo of constantly having ties to Luci and his insecurities around that. Not necessarily a flop since I do believe that he would confide in you about it a fair amount buttttt he definitely loses points for constantly bringing up Lucifer. -100 EXP

People are always making him out to be extremely angry at the drop of a pin, which yea does get angry about things, but also he? don't be getting angry all that often? especially when he gets his little annual pockets of character development? angry and annoyed occasionally sure but its not his ONLY trait. now if he's raging 24/7 and could barely have a convo with anyone that'd be red flag dating flop city! but since he is not we can slide him further down the least to being less of a dating flop with you. (we're ignoring the NB version of him btw)

Now an actual flaw I can actually point out is he's also quite selfish... but he can surprisingly own up to it most of the time. sorta. kinda. well-

and to a degree he definitely seems to be lacking in awareness in certain social aspects. He's just a silly guy on the spectrum like most of his brothers tho: he gets a pass. Plus he's a socialite he's got a lot of fun connections, what does it matter that he can meow on command in the middle of this fancy dinner. Sure the other guests are looking at us weird and he's a little bit of a freak but he can meow-

His biggest flaw is being funny actually. That pisses me off stop making me laugh ✋🏿🙄 and if you hate him making cat puns i suppaws that would get under your skin too

ASMO: Asmo's insecurities are gonna get the better of him every now n again also, so while he's not quite in the same self-deprecating league as Levi, he definitely needs a lot of reassurance and compliments to stay grounded. So if that's not something you can keep up with it could prove to be a lot considering he's so obsessed with himself. Just like Mammon he has a lot of possessive tendencies, but it comes out in interesting ways unlike Mammon's ig. He's covertly silly with it since he'd say it with a cute smile on his face. He's a little insane also. I think it's just cuz the version of Asmo I have in my head is drenched in blood I hope you understand. Something isn't right up there (affectionate) so you would also have to get used to the most insane things being said with a smile. Not a flaw to most people of course but to ppl that are normal... well... it would be a lot

But Imagine youre dating him, you walk into his room and you see him quietly mumbling to himself in a ring of mirrors to cheer himself up. I'd be like hey um. Do we need to talk about this.

And to finish it off he does have a quite a bit of selfish moments considering he loves to put himself first (common theme with the ppl in the devildom hm...) and a lot of times where he gets unreasonably angry! But to be fair I love selfish angry characters IF they fit the right boxes, so I cheer whenever he gets like that bcuz I love studying him 🔍. Dealing with it in real life tho well... hm. who's to say how one would handle that! He's still my little sweetie tho and he would eat up the romancing and wining & dining and know HOW you need to be loved, there's just the other things to deal with when it comes to dating him!

BEEL: he's on the LEAST likely to flop while dating you scale honestly cuz he's literally just a chill sweet guy when he's trying his best. I think his only problem would be in not understanding you sometimes. Im sure he listens but will he really GET everything. Bcuz there are a few moments in game where Beel seems to be a lot more internally insightful even if he's not as vocal about his thoughts. And he's clearly very considerate abt the people he cares about, but ultimately there's a lot he just wouldn't get unless you sit down and clearly explain it to him. Bcuz otherwise it could come off as him not caring or being indifferent since he's pretty nonchalant. Blunt at times but still, easy-going and fairly perceptive.

And he's very much also a guy that just charges into things, though it's kind of a give-or-take thing. He is equally the guy that worries and stresses about something in silence if it's serious enough or he does not dwell on something for too long at all- which! could possibly be something that annoys you as once again, it could come off as him seeming too nonchalant or unintentionally dismissive. Or well. the things he charges into might have to be something you talk him out of. You're gonna hear shit like this on the regular and he's gonna wonder why youre staring at him funny

Another flaw is his sin i supposeeeeee but i'd rather not just dumb him down to guy who eats a lot cant stop eating food food food yknow -w- but well yknow. just how much WOULD his sin get in the way of things, bcuz it seems to consume him in a way thats wayyyy more intense than any of the other brothers sins interestingly enough

You'd have to deal with Belphie by extension too since they LOVE having the twins as a set that simply cannot be separated...... That also means having to always be dealing with Beel babying Belphie even though that man is very well GROWN. -100 EXP

he's crazy for saying this kinda thing all casual like also. do that in private man ☝🏿

Belphie: Sorry I have to bring it up again even tho i know ppl are dead tired of hearing about but i STILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL think there shouldve been an actual proper talk and the appropriate amount of time given abt the killing instead of them moving right past it and MC being like 'it was just a lil oopsie we all have our bad days teehee ^-^'. if i got into a relationship with someone that tried and SUCCEEDED in killing me in this little magicverse i'd be like um. can we idk. talk about this in depth. You're not gonna kill me again in the future somehow right. Right?

Also I see and understand people saying that quality time, words of affirmation and acts of service are very clearly things Belphie likes since he's constantly asking to be around you/hear our opinions on things and ask if you need help with things (even tho he can be kinda lousy at helping out honestly -_-) but he also has a problem with demanding things of the player.. not quite in the same way as Lucifer, but it's close. Like if I do not want you to head over to my room to sleep together (literal sleeping) then why are you inviting yourself over? 🗣️📣📣📣📣LISTEN TO MEEEEEEE & STAY IN YA ROOM❗ ❗ ❗❗

He's a spoiled brat also! Like actual brat! Youngest syndrome is so very real with him, so if you're alright with being the main. well. person that has to do nearly everything then good'onya. I cannot imagine getting this dude dressed AND lugging this dude to classes all bcuz he wants to sleep in a little more ☝🏿 GET UP but if youre into being the main caregiver then shrugs

-10 MILLION POINTS DEDUCTED for being funnier than me also. thats a mistake no one should ever make ☝🏿

DIAVOLO: well. you see. so. there's. well. so um.

I do think he has a bittttt of an issue with choosing to completely overlook things. Diavolo is on a very thin line to me as a character bcuz I do think he is silly and fun at times and not 'AS' quick to read the room... and really is just essentially like... experiencing things for the first time and causing unintentional chaos because he's been so tied to his duties all his life but he's also like? Still very grown, smart and capable of quiet observation of others. (gestures to NB currently)

I feel like he would be analyzing you all the time whether you realize it or not (for good or bad). He's just a lot more observant about things than you realize so while he WOULD use this for good to spoil you he would probably be reading into you as a person way too much. But in a lowkey manner. Not manipulatively per se just,,, I think you are still mainly like an intriguing pet to him at times, or something to study and take note of. Like he really just does whatever the hell he wants for his own pleasure. He made an entire fake beach and sun just cuz he wanted a beach day yknow what the hell. I get it but how did he do that. What other powers do you have

Impressing you could come off as belitting you unintentionally (not always but sometimes). OKAY WALK WITH ME HERE- for example. That one scene from Ouran High School when Tamaki is making a big show of trying 'commoners coffee'. I know what youre saying ur sayin 'But Carly that sounds more like something Mephisto would do' nonono I shake my head. Mephisto is not going to make a show of trying it he'll just outright be recommending YOU a specially made blend of his tastes to put YOU onto better things FIRST. Diavolo's DIVING IN first though. Dia would absolutely think it's some great big fun adventure to try 'normal' human world tea or coffee and comment on it. But like, if i was sitting across from this big hulking guy complimenting tea I drink normally in a 'Wow, so this is what humans drink. How inspiring.' I'd want to shake him since it unintentionally sounds like im being belittled -_-. Give me back my damn instant blend! ❗ ❗ He's thinking he's bonding with you and trying something from your culture (which yes he is), but does it warrant such grand showboating and amazement. It's just tea man. Just silently enjoy a cuppa instead of patting yourself on the back for being brave enough to try human tea </3

Or. Or. demanding your time on his schedule at the wrong times. He's The Prince why wouldn't you wanna drop everything and have dinner with him. 'Oh,,, you're busy 👉👈 oh what a shame.👉👈 we (Barbatos) prepared a nice lovely dinner! 👉👈 However, I suppose its quite alright if you do what you need to do. 👉👈 Eating alone tonight, be safe 👉👈' And then he sends a picture of the meal with eye emojis, do you get what im putting down

One big flop for certain tho is him always being oh so busy. Like sit there and really imagine it. Dating a royal is already something but a Prince? Soon to be King? thats a lot of responsibility to juggle I know it'd get crazy balancing attention and schedules.

Also lets be real yall he's so used to being babied quite a bit, mainly by Barbatos. Barbatos is tough on him at times for his own good sure but he more-so spoils him still (hypocrite that he is!). are you ready to unintentionally be compared to that in terms of being able to care for Diavolo. Barbatos won't technically be competing with you either but as his main caregiver he'll still be inserting a lot of himself between the two of you. Also, that man is lowkey needy and has some lingering childhood issues you will have to be very careful with talking abt and comforting him for once he gets to a point to actually open up about it- so be mindful of these things

Also he's insane. But if you're into insanity it's probably whatever.

BARBATOS: I know I am '''''''''barbatos ceo''''''''' so i have been very very very delusional about him but aside from being so very 'malewifecore' i'd place him on a scale of 1 -10 at a 8.5 (1 being worst mostl likely to flop partner ever, 10 being best). Looking at his character he's very much set on keeping a very decent distance between him and the player for quite some time so i think dating wise there's just so many things he'd never properly open up about. Or it'd take so very impossibly long.

I remember reading his wiki one day and seeing this ^ (which btw theres a lot going on there.) so I feel like, even if he did really like you, he would most definitely always prioritize his work to the royal family first so.... he might potentially? be on the fence about further pursuing things with you even at one point??? Not to say that he isn't caring and attentive but I think he would greatly struggle with balancing his openness and affection towards you. And we must keep in mind that just like Mammon he ALSO has the Greed sin. He is a lot less likely to show it around others but he is very secretly possessive and makes it known occasionally so if you have problems with that it'd be interesting finding a balance with him. Secretly he 'will he or wont he' dude internally. But yea I've always thought it's so interesting that he'd say he just gives up. Makes you wonder and think more... but yet he wants to be bound by his lover. Very conflicting right? Which explains his struggles with desires and duty very well!

More on his duties though he's gonna overwork himself like crazy and it would be so tricky making plans or spending time together. Also he lowkey has insecurities about ONLY being tied to the butler role, much like how Leviathan will always bring up being a shut in. Like you are more than that cmon -_- youre gonna make MC feel bad! He must still be reassured a fair amount!

Something is also terribly wrong with him. but if you are insane like me you find that fun. Like oh he's tortured people? God forbid women do anything in this economy 🙄

Actual in person dating though <- she would be perplexed by his mysterious unnerving ways

SIMEON: Simeon definitely high on the scale of being a good partner so he's A LOT less likely to flop on this list. BUT, he definitely seems to hold back on sharing his opinions or opening up about certain things with himself quite a bit. 😮 And I feel like he might be the type to try and keep the mood content and peaceful so it would be a bit hard to talk about the unpleasant things. He CAN talk about unpleasant things, dont get me wrong, but I get the feeling he'd be good at dodging certain things and saying what you feel like should be said. Especially if he isn't particularly ready to talk about something YET. Big emphasis on the YET. I imagine as his partner, if you are aware that he's constantly being a bit dodgy about certain topics constantly you would feel some way about it since it's easy to recognize when he's doing it. This isn't to say he's manipulative or a dishonest character, but I find that it would take a long time to really get to his core even if things are genuinely sweet and easygoing between you two.

Also its a genuine pet-peeve for some people to deal with others that arent all that tech savvy? If you show him a meme on your phone he's gonna grab the whole thing, not get it at all, say 'who is this?' in confusion, try to zoom in and when he taps the screen it's gonna switch to a different picture/app and he'll be like 'What happened to it :(' which I think is hilarious and cute; but once again, could be something that genuinely annoys ppl, and annoyances over little quirks DO build up over time! Still adore him tho mwah

SOLOMON: Something is wrong with him. 🚶🏿‍♀️ That's his flaw. 🚶🏿‍♀️ Like something is just deeply wrong with him and he's way too casual about it. 🚶🏿‍♀️ He's literally that post where it's like 'yea something happened to your boyfriend and he came back all wrong. yea. sorry. we don't know what happened.'

If you're the type that stresses about things or worries a lot or finds that very easy-going people annoy you then well... Solomon will annoy you.

Im not saying he's not going to be attentive to you because he's shown to be very active and forward in a lot of ways, but I'm talking more along the lines of unintentionally dismissing things. Like for me personally I need a bit of guidance and structure and direction and if I don't see that I will be forced to take the lead. Just depends on how you are as a person really!

Let's get the most obvious thing out of the way though he can never cook you a fancy meal. Not everyone can cook we all have our different strengths that is for certain but if you don't tell him straight up, or constantly You're Going To Have To Eat His Food.

He may or may not be the reason you constantly get into situations also, in between Levi's games and Diavolo's chaos, Solomon is pretty much the main reason so many situations happen in events!? fhskfs I think that would increase in dating him even if he does actually do his best to look out for you in his own way.

But he's also like. Just a guy to me. Which is crazy because besides the mental illness + genuinely being playful with the MC, there is surprisingly a lot to him that is just. not touched on writing wise. or not explored. so I can admit there are other things that aren't coming to mind really. He's just there to me.

Apparently he's very forgetful with important dates also so if thats something that bothers you then well </3

MEPHY: of course in comparison to the others we do not know AS much abt Mephisto but looking a mile away you know his elitism is his main flaw. He would be very uppity with you and not realize whats wrong with that per se, even though he's so quick to call out the rudeness or impoliteness of others

his main flop is that he's going to be dramatic as hell at some point whether intentionally or not. he is definitely the guy to tell you he's fine while he's visibly shaking fists clenched trying to act unbothered when he really wants to complain to someone. He may very well go running to Satan or Dia for advice regarding the two of you if he really needs a second opinion without directly consulting you. So yes, those guys will also be privy to your business by extension. I know Belphie's also in the anti-luci league but can we really count on him for advice when Satan is most definitely the more dependable choice? anyways

Mephisto is also literally the image of the boyfriend walking with his girlfriend looking back at another girl. But the other girl is Dia. He's looking back at Dia sorry... that's his childhood buddy. He's so obsessed with that guy.............. You're gonna hear him going woe is me a lot over losing his buddy to his duties and the Prince always having his attention on Luci.... it just is what it is :/ Me personally also I just feel like I would get into mini arguments with him a lot. he is my rival and my bestie in my mind that I want to strangle whenever he opens his mouth

Like he is a BRAGGER by nature. And if you do not like people that brag about the littlest things he is going to get on your nerves. And since he also seems to come from a royal/rich background he is most definitely spoiled and parades through life with the expectation that others will treat him with appropriate amounts of respect. And due to his riches he could indirectly insult you at some point no matter what your financial status is, he may unintentionally make a comment that's in poor taste. Like if you take him to your favorite hole in the wall restaurant for a chill date he's going to say things even if he doesn't actually mean to come off as prudish.

He'd make an effort at least if youre getting him to try new things and he's not necessarily THAT uptight. He gets involved with things and has fun still!.... sometimes! But in reference to what I mentioned about Dia earlier with the whole commoners coffee thing this is another example to compare. Dia trying a burger for the first time would be like: "Ah! So this is what it's like to enjoy something this simple. The taste is rather interesting but I quite like it! Perhaps I will ask Barbatos if he can add this homestyle method to our regular menu :D" Whereas Meph is taking bites with his knife and fork like: "Hm. They really ought to improve the production cost and quality for these things. Oh, No I never said i disliked it, I'm merely making a note of something. Not bad though."

RAPHAEL: once again in comparison to the others we do not know AS much about him compared to the 'main' group. so im going off the little that i have witnessed in game and trying my hardest not to confuse that with fanposts but... He's so terribly blunt and unaware of things. He's a bit similar to Beel in that regard that he dives first into things and seems rather uncaring or dismissive about something due to his bluntness. But he's like BLUNT blunt, like blunt to the max even. Like this is crazy to me. how is it that LUCIFER is saying you're too much for him.

So he would most definitely struggle with being way too blunt towards YOU... it would take awhile for him to ease up on that I believe.

I'll be honest he kinda just. Sits there quietly really. I imagine trying to talk to him can feel a little bit like dealing with a brick wall, because I think it would be hard to understand what's going on in his mind at times, not to mention being tied down with his strictness.

And not to mention his sense of justice and penchant for casually mentioning violence seems to completely overpower him at the flip of a switch. I mean if you're cool with him threatening to use his spear on people that annoy you then so be it.

I don't know really, he's just so neurodivergent to me so i cant really call him a flop for that he just exhibits so many of those traits, it's just something you'd have to work on with him or get accustomed to

-ONE BILLION TRILLION POINTS DEDUCTED FOR LIKING SOLOMONS FOOD THO 100000000000000 EXP

THIRTEEN: once again in comparison to the others we do not know AS much about her compared to the 'main' group.

but she is most def on the LEAST likely to flop at dating you end of the list, cuz she quite LITERALLY is upfront about liking the player a lot more quickly than the others. she's literally so cute and just minds her business until OTHER people bother her peace. She does have tsundere-like qualities sure, but if you're direct with her she does eventually come around to expressing why she does what she does. And I don't think she would ever mess with the length of your lifespan just bcuz the two of you have a little disagreement or something. To someone else though for fun, sure:

that aside tho i can't particularly point out any major flaws in the moment i love her so bad. someone would have to sell me on it, but also why arent you supporting womens wrongs hm? 🤨🤨🤨🤨

[spaceisout]

𝙨𝙚𝙘𝙧𝙚𝙩 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙡𝙙 // 𝙠𝙚𝙞𝙜𝙤 𝙩𝙖𝙠𝙖𝙢𝙞

Pairing: keigo takami x f!reader

Words: 2.055

Summary: being married young was never in either of your plans, more or less being married to a hero and a quirkless human. still, it made an interesting switch to your lives, one you might not regret.

Warning(s): angst, fluff, slight cursing

A/n: this is a mini series that i have in mind, i hope you like it and any feedback is appreciated thank you!

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0 ◁ II ▷ 2

"You look beautiful, honey." your dad said smiling down at you with tears in his eyes not believing his only daughter had gotten married.

"Thank you, dad." you said holding onto both his hands tightly.

"We are going to miss you so much." he held the side of your face, "Please remember to call us everyday, okay? Don't forget to come and visit."

A faint smile rested on your lips nodding at his reminders. "I promise... I'm sure I will have plenty enough time to stay in touch."

"Sweetie," your mom spoke walking up behind you and rested her hand on your shoulder. "Your husband is waiting for you."

"Right," your mom stood next to your dad, looking both at them you did your best to smile making sure they didn't leave feeling worried about their daughter. "I should get going then I do not want to make him wait any longer."

"You're going to be just fine, okay?" she smiled teary eyed.

You nodded, "I know, mom."

"I promise to take care of her." Keigo said as he walked up from behind you and wrapped his arm around your waist. "I won't let anything happen to her, Mr. and Mrs. (last name)."

"We know, Keigo." your dad said, "I know our daughter will be happy by your side."

"I will." you said, "I'm..." you breathed out chuckling trying to stop yourself from crying. "Going to miss you both."

"We'll visit every time we can." Keigo assured you, rubbing the side of your waist in a comforting motion. "I can always drop you off whenever you'd like to see them."

"I'd like that."

"Well, off you go now!" Your dad said, ushering you two out of the reception hall. "I know you two would like to be alone now, we won't hold you back anymore."

"I hope you two enjoy your time together." Your mom said sadly smiling as she watched you two getting into the private limo.

Looking both at them you waved goodbye and send them an air kiss before getting inside. Keigo spoke to them for a few seconds and soon joined you inside as well.

"Off to your house, I assume sir?" the driver asked looking at him from the rear view mirror.

"That's right, Kenji." he responded and turned to you as Kenji began to drive away. "I told your parents to help me pack some of your belongings, they should be there at my house already. If there's anything you might be missing I can send someone to go get them for you."

"Oh okay, thank you." you said looking down at your lap shyly, realizing the minimal space you had. "I should be fine since my parents know me... but I will let you know in case."

"Listen..." he gently placed his hand on top of your own, which caused you to blush. "I know we barely know each other, and I'm sure you did not plan on marrying someone like me." a chuckle escaped his lips, earning a sly smile from you. "But I will try my best to make you feel comfortable."

"I agreed to this whole thing as well," you said. "I'll be honest you are right about picturing myself and marrying someone quirkless like myself but― you shouldn't feel bad... I had the choice to say no too."

"Yeah, I know... and for that same reason when we're in public we have to make sure we do not know each other."

Your lips parted to speak but he held his hand up.

"Let me explain, because of what I do there are sometimes villains after me. I manage to catch them in time but being part of this life is unpredictable." he continued, "I made a promise to your parents that I would keep you safe and I will make sure to do that."

"From what I heard... you sometimes work with the hero public safety commission?"

"Yeah..." he mumbled. "I do things for them in exchange of them helping me and my mom out when I was a kid. Meaning... sometimes I have to do things I do not want to do."

"Do they― are they aware of our marriage?"

Keigo shook his head. "The safety commission would have been against it and I like knowing this isn't something they have under their nose."

"I see... then in public you don't know me and I don't know you?"

"That's right."

Slowly you turned your body to face the front again understanding that this was going to be just like you knew from the start. "Then I guess going out together or doing normal things is out of the question?"

"I'm sorry..."

"We're here sir." Kenji announced.

He got out of the private limo and walked over to your side and opened your door.

"Thank you, Kenji." you said and he gave you a small smile in returned.

Keigo walked over to you and extended his hand out for you to take.

Thanking him you took his hand and got out, he held the end of your dress making sure you did not step on it or tripped.

He bid his driver good night and told you to walk towards the elevators. As the doors opened you stepped inside, following you he did the same and pressed the button to the top floor.

Your eyes wandered over to the array of buttons that were on the wall, you counted at least sixty by the times the doors opened once again.

"Follow me." Keigo said slightly smiling as he still held your dress, walking beside you.

You quickly realized that this was the front door to his penthouse. There was no front door or any other main way to his place to enter which made you worried.

"Um... so can anyone just walk up to the top main penthouse and walk in... here?

"You and I are the only ones who have access to this place with these keys." he explained taking the them out of his pocket with one hand and holding one up to you. "Visitors will have to call ahead or press the button to ask for permission when in the elevator. There are cameras by entrance so you can see who they are without them knowing you are seeing them."

You nodded, trying to understand how it was possible for someone to have so much technology on their side, you took the shiny key that was attached to a red feather keyring.

"Is this... one of your actual feathers?" you asked moving your fingers gently over the soft red feathers.

A tingling sensation could be felt on his mid lower back where the end of his feathers met. Of course he did not say a thing about it and tried to ignore the feeling in his chest.

"I want you to carry that key with you wherever you go." he said, "If something happens to it it'll let me know instantly."

"And you'll come to my rescue?... Wouldn't that blow everything?"

"Don't worry about that." He said and continued to walk again down the long hallway that lead to the large kitchen. "I always make sure the fridge is stocked. Of course now that you'll be living here too you add anything as well or buy what you might need."

"Under my name?"

"Yeah, of course."

Keigo then took you around the rest of the penthouse to show you around, explaining how many rooms there were and what each room had inside. The place itself was very big with the two of you here, you wonder how it'll feel when he leaves for work and it'll be just you here by yourself.

He was very kind, letting a stranger into his home and private life. You two only met about three months ago, did not talk much but knew the basics of each other. Still, if it had been any other pro hero things would be much different. You always wondered why he even agreed to this marriage in the first place.

"I do not want to pressure you when it comes to sleeping in the same room as your husband." He said, but the word sounded so nice coming out of him. "I made sure to get help in decorating a room for you and get stuff you might need as well. Of course you can change anything you want about it too."

Turning the knob on your door, he opened it and led you inside first.It was huge compared to the room you had back at your parents house. The bed was almost triple the size of your old one, not to mention the bathroom was beautiful with a separate tub and shower.

"Keigo..." you said in awe by how much thoughtfulness he put into your room. There was even a huge vase of (favorite flower) sitting on a nightstand next to your bed. "You really... did not have to do this. I would have been fine with a simple room―"

"None sense." he stepped forward, "You're my wife now... I'm going to be sharing a home with you, the least I can do is help you feel a bit more well... comfortable."

An overwhelming feeling took over you, your body lunged into his arms, hugging him tightly around his neck. You felt grateful for the type of husband you had. People did not know how kind Keigo really was.

"S―sorry," you quickly pulled away feeling your face turn red.

Keigo chuckled, placing your veil back behind you neatly. "I'll make sure to do stuff like this if it means you welcome me back with a hug everyday then."

He tried teasing you in hopes of distracting you from seeing his wings fluttering in happiness.

You shook your head chuckling, "People should know how much you like to joke too." You bit your lip trying to hide the smile.

"Trust me it'll make me lose my charm too."

His phone then vibrated, he pulled it out to see Endeavor's name on the caller ID.

"Sorry I better take this." He excused himself, closing the door behind him, leaving you alone in the room.

"Endeavor, hey!" He exclaimed walking into the kitchen. "It's quite late for you to be up at these hours."

"I called you to let know I'll be going to kyushu."

"Seriously? Well that is a surprise. I wasn't told about you coming to visit me."

"I kept in touch with your agency but they kept saying they haven't been able to contact you." Endeavor said, "Where have you been for the last three months? I'm surprised you even picked up my call."

"Yeah I know." Keigo walked into his home office and closed the door behind him. "I've been busy working on other things, you know life of crime never stops."

Endeavor did not know whether to believe what he was saying or not. After all he had been under orders of the heroe commission safety to infiltrate the league of villains. Even so, he knew he could trust him and hopes that he will do so as well.

"I did hear there has been a rise in crimes lately." He played along, "I'll be there by tomorrow morning at your house to discuss somethings."

"No it'll be best if we meet at my agency, it's closer anyways from the train station."

"Very well then."

After hanging up, he breathed out in relief.

"Is everything okay?"

Turning around he saw you standing there dressed in different clothes. Seeing you wear that oversized sweater made his cheeks turn red.

"Y―yeah!" He smiled resting his hand against the back of his head. "I didn't talk too loud did I?"

"Oh n―no not at all!" you exclaimed with your hands shaking no along with your head. "The call took quite long... I got kinda worried."

You were really making it hard for him not to fall for you.

"Sorry about that, are you hungry?" he asked.

"A bit yeah..." you sheepishly answered, "Are you?"

"Starving actually, I have a place in mind. Is it alright if we order in?"

"Sure!"

Getting married young was never in his plans, still sitting down and eating a meal for once not alone, made him see how much he'll enjoy having someone around.

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

Do you have anything to say about my baby, the Honda CR-Z?

(Please excuse the low resolution, I wanted to introduce it with a pic from my collection and this was the only stock one I had)

Oh, the CR-Z... Pepperidge Farm here remembers obsessively following its debut on Top Gear Magazine! Pepperidge Farm and not many others, it seems, as in present day the CR-Z seems to be as relevant in today's car world as basket weaving. Wait, no, less.

In fact, coming up with an answer to this question was the most I thought about the CR-Z in almost a decade.

But thought I have, so here's your answer:

I don't get it.

I mean, don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't like it! I am on record as a serial Honda liker -hell, to those who think it counts I own one- and I see no reason this one should buck the trend (although I've always felt it would look better with something between the headlights to stop it looking so big-snooty, as the bumper below does a good enough job of exemplifying that I won't bother rendering something better).

It's just that... I don't know what the point of it was. And looking at its sales that seems to be the experience of most vertebrates.

(To be fair, U.S. sales started in August 2010 and production ended in 2016 with the following years's sales just being stock clearing - but still, pretty bleak picture.)

It's not like we don't know what Honda were going for, they told us plainly: it's a sporty hybrid car, light on the wallet but heavy on the fun. And Honda would know of sporty compacts - what were they producing as the CR-Z rolled out?

Oh. It's the most hated of all six Civic Type R generations. Hm.

It's a joke, "most hated Civic Type R generation" is a bit like saying "most normal Kia Soul commercial".

If that car looks unfamiliar to you yankees, however, that's because y'all got different looking Civics for a while, such that your sporty Civic was this, the Si - seen here in the bewinged Mugen trim.

The Si is meant to sit below the Type R, but, since America wasn't getting the Type R, the yankee Si and non-yankee Type R were free to get the same 200hp from the same venerable engine (one day I'll go over all that makes the K20 so great) and the usual great handling, courtesy among plenty things of a limited slip differential. Wait, why is that not a link? Ah, right, I've never explained differentials... well, for now you can just trust that it's a cool type of differential that helps maintain grip when you're giving it the beans. Wait. Is it "giving it the beans" because you're stomping the gas pedal? Surely not. What is it from? Let me google this... Okay, sources seem scarce and shaky but apparently the idea was that if you fed horses beans they wou- wait this post is about the CR-Z. How did we get here? I swear this NEVER happens.

In short, Honda knew, and has always known, how to make proper sporty cars and give them great engines, whatever their size. So can it possibly have been a surprise when this thing came out and, forget motoring journalists, even the more talkative stray cats were meowing that the CR-Z did not have the engine grunt to back up its sporty pitch?

And look, if anyone here will say a car with as little as 120-130hp cannot be worth bothering with, it won't be a diehard of the Mazda Miata, which sold well over half a million units no more powerful than that. But that's a car that focused on open top enjoyment and getting a lot out of a little, just like the 60s European spiders it threw back to. What did the CR-Z throw back to?

Well that'll be the CR-X.

Introduced in 1983, the CR-X was a coupe version of the Civic of the time (hence its 1987 update corresponding with the Civic's). And just like the Civic in question, it is most fondly remembered for its sporty, proper-fun Si guise (pronounced "ass eye", because eye me dat ass) and the even sportier SiR that yankees never got. Which makes perfect sense, considering its main appeal against the Civic was the sportier looks.

Sure, since the CR-X left us North America got a Civic coupe in its stead, but am I going to pretend this thing looked half as good as the CR-Z that was about to join the lineup?

Not for free I'm not.

So now, imagine the stellar engine and manual transmission from a Civic Si/Type R, but now with electric assistance for even more power AND fuel efficiency, all in a car hundreds of kilos lighter, significantly shorter -thus more agile- and with the sleek CR-Z looks.

Then keep imagining.

The CR-Z never got an Si or Type R version, it was just left to sit there with its 122hp (later begrudgingly upped to 130) that, forget the contemporary sporty Civics, compared unfavorably to its 30 year old predecessor.

The CR-X was the sportier Civic. If its successor gets walked not just by the Civic but even by the CR-X itself, what's the point of the resurrection?

However, I concede there's an objection to this argument: this graph.

These are the US sales figures for the second generation CRX (which I think dropped the dash?), and, if you were to be able to parse it, you'd notice that the sporty Si version made up about a third of the sales - meaning most buyers forewent the sportiness in favor of the lower cost of the standard DX model or the High F-iciency of the even slower HF model. So if those versions sold well, why shouldn't the CR-Z have?

Well, if you ask me: image is more than looks.

This blog -and other affiliated entities- touched on the concept of race wins on Sunday bringing sales on Monday, and the same phenomenon happens with cool sport versions. Today's Corolla is a much cooler car in the eyes of the people who see in it the underlying foundation of its extraordinary GR version, and this phenomenon is most amplified the smaller the gap -or perceived gap, at least- between the version you're admiring and the more modest version you could realistically be interested in. I strongly believe that many people bought the dog slow CRX HF because the CRX Si ingrained within them the idea that they were buying something cool.

And Honda, as we touched on, had the perfect engine to dump into the CR-Z to make a wicked sport version. Hell, they could even have just given its regular engine forced induction - and we know it because the CR-Z Mugen RZ did just that!

Here at last was a perfectly respectable sport version that, while still underneath the Civic's best power-wise, was more than good enough to make car enthusiasts give a damn about the CR-Z. And what did Honda do with it? They limited the production to 300 units and only sold them in Japan. Take a fucking drink.

I cannot fathom why they would do that. It's not that they couldn't homologate the power additions or whatever, because a. that doesn't justify the limited production run and b. the supercharger (or at least a supercharger, not sure if it's the same) was made available in the US in the form of a dealer-fitted optional extra. Not by selling a supercharged special version altogether, no no, that may cause the public to -gasp- notice and care.

What was the point? Were they deliberately trying to keep the CR-Z's image one of an efficiency-focused... sleek hatch-coupe with minimal backseats?

Wait what?

Dear God, yankees, what have you done to Honda to get done so comically dirty?

Is it just that they thought y'all too big to fit back there?

That makes it even crazier!

Why in tarnation would they think people would care about a sleek, three-door, two seat, manual... efficiency-oriented hybrid?

Oh, right. Because they made the first generation Honda Insight. Which I myself love.

This was even sleeker and more hardcore than the CR-X: it was as light as the lightest ones despite the electric powertrain, it did without backseats entirely, it was the most aerodynamic production car that had ever been built... but all this wasn't about performance at all. It was about milking every drop of your hard-earned fuel for every single fucking inch of forward movement it was worth.

And it sold very well! I mean, look at the yearly sales figures!

Look how much America loved it! In a year of production that started from December it sold around a third the units the CRX sold in a full year!

So imagine what the production numbers were like for the year 2000!

huh?

Oh you mean these are the total sales. Like, all the first generation Insights ever sold in its entire six years and change of production. Oh. And it totals to like 17.000. Which is around how many CRX Si they sold in a year in North America alone. Hm.

Yeah, it suddenly makes a lot more sense how the second generation Insight was a Prius wannabe.

In fact, now that I look at it... that back looks familiar, doesn't it?

Wait...

Wait!

Well, now suddenly the car makes a lot more sense. And actually, come think of it, let me check the sales figures for the Mk2 Insight...

Considering, again, the CR-Z's US debut happened in August 2010, they match up pretty well, and it would be a pretty reasonable sales split if we were to consider them the 5 and 3 door versions of the same car.

Now, this may make it seem like it wasn't such a failure after all, and it did well in the segment it was actually intended to compete in. But let's give some context on how good those Insight sales figures are.

Yeah. Yeah no. The second Insight just wasn't a hit either.

But at least, now I can say I get the car. The Insight was pretty big and... uncool, so the CR-Z was a good way to offer that same hybrid efficiency to people who wanted a more compact, sleeker package - though perhaps not as extreme as the first gen Insight. Unless you're a yankee, I assume.

The name still doesn't make sense.

I mean, it would if I could see Honda seeing CR-X as just... a body style, and its resurrection of it akin to resurrecting, say, the Civic Shuttle.

(It was the only side picture I had saved.)

And Honda's press material made another point to this end, that I wasn't aware of.

So sure. Point taken. The CR-X was shaped by the quest for efficiency, so it follows that its successor would be efficiency focused as well.

But that's not how the CR-X is remembered. In everyone's minds, the CR-X is cemented as the sporty version (that Honda sold, mind - this is not like with the Supra, whose reputation was defined by modders). And the weirdest thing is, they don't just know that, they bring it up.

And indeed, they call the CR-Z's role "quite different from the original Insight coupe's" - they want this car to "change the current perception of hybrids" by blending hybrid efficiency and sportiness. They rightly sell its looks as sporty, take great pride in the manual transmission and explicitly state it's for driver engagement, over and over talk about 'enthusiastic' owners and 'enthusiastic' driving and 'enthusiastic' engine note etc etc. They brag about how much of a difference their Sport mode makes. They call attention to the valves per cylinder. They constantly remind of how (unlike the Insight) it has the legendary V-TEC. (If this is the first you hear of it, ask about it in the tags).

This is the press release for a sports hatch.

But when time came to give it a sports hatch's power? Japan got 300 units, North America got a dealer-fitted kit with a numbered plaque two years before the car's nixing, and we had to hope to never have a flat tire because Europe didn't get jack.

Was it to avoid stepping on the toes of the sporty Civics, because if the sporty CR-Z's potential buyers will otherwise just get a sporty Civic then why make two models to get the same amount of buyers? If so, I'll tell you why: because that was the only chance of moving regular CR-Zs, which surely must have been a worthwhile pursuit if you made the damn thing.

Was it the fear of a power-focused engine resulting in fuel economy so underwhelming it would undermine the model's eco premise? If so, heyo, you have electric assistance, which means you can either get more speed out of the same engine marking a win for the hotboys or get the same speed out of a more efficient package - and in both cases you're showing a hybrid powertrain bringing something to the table, which is how you actually "change the perception of hybrids" in the minds of people who consider them synonymous with boring.

I'm not saying my counters are bulletproof or that there is no argument against a hot CR-Z. I'm just saying that if there is, it's an argument against the regular CR-Z also. Because if the CR-Z was never to be something worth considering over anything that could be called sporty, then they should never have bothered to begin with - at least, if they were going to aim it so squarely at "the enthusiastic drivers".

In short,

Honda sought to make a sportscar - be it to sell the car itself or to sell a concept like "we're committed to preserving driving enjoyment even into electrification" or "hybrids are cool, so buy a hybrid, and please don't whine if we ever need to make a hybrid Type R or whatever thanks". And I'm always down for Honda building a sportscar. It was Honda that wasn't, for whatever reason. And so there the CR-Z stood, waiting until its passing for a sportier engine that would show the world how cool it was. But it never came. And it bugs me. Because I find it a shame. Because I remember reading of the Mugen prototype and waiting with bated breath for the production version that we ultimately never got. Because I still would love to see them about more than I do. Because I wish the second generation that apparently was in the works got to see the light of day.

Because, even after all these days of thinking about Honda's strategy and learning all we went over, and perhaps because of it,

I still don't get it.

Links in blue are posts of mine about the topic in question: if you liked this post, you might like those - or the blog’s Discord server, linked in the pinned post!