#which would be unpleasant! but not like
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My bedroom ceiling decided to start dripping water over the exact corner of my room that contains multiple plug sockets, my console power supplies, my TV, and the extension cord that powers my plant light setup
#literally the ONE place in my whole room where it could do serious damage#anywhere else it would just be dripping onto the carpet#or my bed#which would be unpleasant! but not like#dead console and potential electrical fire unpleasant#we checked the attic and it turns out the roof has some Problems#so there are temporary fixes in place to keep the water from coming through my ceiling#and we're calling in a professional tomorrow
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lloyd 'survived on one meal per day for years' frontera would absolutely see sharing food as a love language and javier 'lived in the streets for months as a child' asrahan would be fluent in it
i do believe there is a point in their lives where they both heal from the trauma of going through severe food insecurity but neither of them ever quite really forget just how important food can be. and when the other shares their food with them, they appreciate it as the show of affection it was meant to be
#i talk a lot <3#tged#the greatest estate developer#lloyd frontera#javier asrahan#i've talked before about food as a love language in tged which mostly affects the relationship between marbella and lloyd#but i do think it would bleed over to other aspects in lloyd's life#and there's a scene in the hell arc where javier figures out something is wrong because lloyd complains about the food#something javier notes he never does. no matter the quality of the food how plain or unpleasant it is lloyd never complains about it#and he explicitly calls it out as the way someone that had been starving for years and knew the preciousness of food would act#which if you then take into account that this is been said by a person that survived on his own as a five year old child in the streets#in the middle of winter... well. it sounds less like speculation and more like someone speaking from experience.#anyway. all this to say lloyd would peel an orange and then give half of it to javier and javier would absolutely swoon#and when they're on the road and they sit down to eat javier will always give the fuller plate to lloyd#and lloyd will have to swallow the knot in his throat before he can start eating#llojavi#yeah fine i'll tag it
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#oc#rex#dragon#closerverse#doodle#made up the font to the left it's Sci Fi Future English TM#reads 'rex's radio repair'#he does do this for the record. he likes machineray and he likes radios and he will repair your shit for free#this is another reason people tolerate his horrible attitude and unpleasant demeanor.#its largely like if once every two or three months some guy would show up on your block ostensibly to drop off packages#and while he was there he just fixed your cell phone because he was bored#and then sent your mail off for you and left#and while he might be generally kind of a prick and not a lot of fun to talk to he's out of there fast enough#oh. and he'll fix it with spare things lying around or by using the materials already in there#which is nice in a world without consistent shipping or easy supply lines#closerverse is still on a 'things are more expensive than labor' system but labor is also expensive there.#specialty materials are just REALLY expensive#favorite
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an idea i invite anyone else to write about / run with lol....
the premise that The Change gets all messed up for alberto, say it's something that can happen from stress, &/or happens rarely and you just have to wait for it to resolve itself....used as some parallel to struggling through some emotional turbulence / upheaval / questioning / Realizing Things, etc etc
#luca 2021#pixar luca#alberto scorfano#another idea i've failed to write for & so invite anyone else to run with: ciao alberto but what if he peaces out by swimming off lol#ends up in a coastal town maybe an hour's swim from genoa. but not Getting In Touch w/anyone for a while b/c plausibly he thinks that#giulia may not be a fan of him now by extension; just being too embarrassed asf to reach out to luca kinda lol....luca off doing his own#thing just fine & alberto not wanting to write him now like b/c i Ruined Everything again ahaha....#and by ''not in touch w/anyone for a while'' who knows. months; a few years even....might stumble across news of him b/c like.#say more sea folk are coming to land / more humans know abt them & not many places are as [harpoon]ly from the start anyways#portorosso exceptional in that way....maybe where alberto settles down they're like legendary but also considered Good Luck anyways lol.#anyways like some people know of him who might; say; swim down to portorosso. have their own teen who knows a teen who mostly lives on land#most convenient re sparking [wow could they mean Our alberto] if he doesn't go so far as to take up an alias lol. but why would he....#that difference in that massimo might figure that however alberto was surviving before; he could continue to do so now; but even though tha#is some comfort it's still Not Actually Enough....feeling way more Parentally towards alberto than his biological dad like that; obv#and anyways re: this [The Change gets messed up] idea it's more of an inconvenience lol but one that could still have some significance#like if he first finds out the issue exists via hopping right into the ocean; failing to change forms; never being human form'd in water b4#thee worst....crash intro course to the experience of drowning. observation of How Humans Swim / being able to grab any part of the boat...#and besides That unpleasantness it's like; hey. where's my nonhuman form at#or; of course; being in sea form even while dry....especially if he's still dealing with Nonsense on land. which is presumed.#&/or if there's an upswing in nonsense b/c of Other ways you're Othered...ofc we can consider like; tfw you're a gay fish & maybe that's no#something that on its own would be like Aah until it's like well a) i kinda wanna do things that would make this Visible and b) i've learne#that humans also Have Issues about this kind of thing....#appropriately my tablet was also all thrown off. no pressure sensitivity; input sensitivity overall was rough#but i would've had to restart my laptop about it lol like eh i'll just work around it
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@thunder-threnodies morgan can definitely try!!!
the scoundrel REALLY doesn't take well to dream intrusions. they don't take well to any amount of messing with their mind, but. well. dreams are perhaps the thing that irritates them most of all. any amount of scoundrel dream diving would have to be quick, delicate, and most definitely behind their back- and they will notice regardless, and they will hold a grudge for the rest of their stupidly long batty life about it.
as for the actual contents of those dreams, well...
when they first achieved their ambition, the scoundrel used to dream of flower fields and starry skies. as time has gone on, this dream has. Distorted, somewhat.
the flowers have become wilder. the grass has become twisted and tangled amidst thorns and thickets. the stars have started blinking in and out of existence. ice has started creeping up along the edges of her mind, like a memory she just. can't quite get rid of.
(there's a certain city in the distance. he always tries not to look at it. he always fails.)
it's oddly peaceful, once you get past the frost and the foliage. the scoundrel usually sits at the valley's heart, surrounded by a web of dahlias and daisies. her exact dreams vary wildly, but no matter what, he always plays them out at the center, like the entire dreamscape is just a stage for that night's particular performance. there's always a chance to step away and go further into the field, if he wills it. he never seems to realize it's an option in the first place.
when her mind is kind, and quiet, she does have normal nights. simple time spent with her paramours. joyous days as a beast, hanging upside down and snacking on fruit and bugs to her heart's content. simply existing as she wills it.
but. well. most of her plays aren't that. most of her plays can only be best described as nightmares. her entire dreamscape is essentially one big fancy backdrop to that.
most often the play is a memory. a small mistake she made, a social interaction she floundered. sometimes it's a surgical appointment with her coworkers. sometimes it's an argument with someone he's never gotten over. sometimes it's performing open heart surgery on someone wearing her own face. sometimes it's a monkey and a single bronze fruit, never eaten.
sometimes it's a corpse pinning him against the ground and screaming, wailing, begging for the answer as to why he's done what he's done.
other times her dream-performance is more... esoteric. flocks of bats he can't quite recognize. a mirror he can't quite look through. a star commanding him to put a leash around his neck, which he obeys with utmost gratitude.
he tends to prefer those nights. they hit less closer to home.
for all of his power in parabola, he gets lost in his own dreams... Very Very Very Easily. it's probably part of why he's so protective over them. being seen completely enveloped in a torment nexus your own mind made up isn't exactly stellar for one's image. having her dreams exposed and sifted through is Deeply Unpleasant to the scoundrel. it means she's vulnerable. open. human.
and her mind can't imagine anything more terrifying than that.
#ive actually answered an ask abt the contents of the scoundrel's dreams/nightmares ages ago#but i feel like it's been so long that the answer has changed a bit#so this is a fun little character lore exercise nowadays. look at how much they've grown(???)#yin-thoughts#fallen london#tldr; the scoundrel's dreamscape is essentially one big flower meadow stage on which she acts out her nightmares and/or worst memories#just. putting them on for all the world to see. the non-existent world at least#having someone actually go in her brain and Actually Watch freaks him the fuck out#and he's proficient enough in glasswork to usually return the favor (unpleasant dream scouting) tenfold. so.#it's really not the best idea tldr. probably makes for GREAT glasswork level grinding though!!!#admittedly the scoundrel willingly allowing someone into her dreams is probably a good indicator for insane levels of trust on her part#not that morgan would qualify#sorry i went off abt bat dreamscape lore. hopefully this isnt too incomprehensible. ur welcome#scoundrelventures
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shoulder feels like it’s in the wrong place and needs to make a mighty crunch but i keep trying and it just makes weak little clicks and feeling more and more tight and hurting. help! i have joints 👎
#bluejay.txt#my flute professor would Get me for this honestly. it’s definitely from holding tension while i was playing earlier#she’s always all over me for playing with tension and pushing through pain#she’s right but i’m afraid she also doesn’t get that me and my stupid demon collagen are gonna have pain no matter how perfect my posture#but i should fix it as much as i can and i just have so much trouble with that.#at least i don’t play with Visibly bad posture anymore. my elbows are down my neck is up spine is straight knees not locked etc.#used to do all that & looked like the hunchback of notre dame.#now i just hold too much tension bc i’m afraid my shoulders will evacuate the premises (sockets) while i’m playing 💀#which has happened before and is very unpleasant though it doesn’t hurt.#music school moment#i guess#i should have an EDS tag but it would probably just make me sad lmao#man i just want my joints to work right. i would sacrifice the scary shoulder party tricks for less pain and instability fr#been a while since i used this site as a diary like this. hope you all are enjoying it i guess :)
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i can't stand the fact that solas hates tea like first of all what a weak tasteless bitch. i simply can't respect a tea hater unfortunately. but also drinking tea fits his vibe so well so idgi. I used to work in a tea shop and I can confirm he'd 100% be that customer who is way too pretentious about his taiwanese oolongs. bro is an alishan drinker i can smell it on him. bro only drinks tea prepared gongfu style. i just know this about him.
#in fact i had a regular who was somewhat solas coded#he was bald and wore buddhist monk robes and gave himself a sanskrit name and he was white#i mean perhaps he was actually a monk tbf but he was so incredibly unpleasant as a customer that i didnt give him the benefit of the doubt#he ended up being banned because he was so demanding that the owner had a nightmare about being in an arranged marriage with him#so she kicked him out lol#ftr i don't think solas is like that. just the pretentious part#also he literally had spies which was solas coded. they were other customers he befriended who would gossip about the employees
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Hi! Im more-mouse-bites on ao3 and I came and followed for the mgv content.
I’m writing an ABO house fic of my own atm! I was going to follow the long-beloved trope of “house hides his second gender and everyone thinks he’s an alpha, but then something happens and he’s exposed” but I realized that I could have a lot more fun with having House as a known omega from the start. I have omegas as slightly more uncommon and definitely frowned upon in high-intensity careers like medicine, because of their perceived frailty. I’m such a slut for the socio-economic implications of an ABO universe, lol.
Which segues into my question— in your AU, what’s the general consensus societally on omegas? Does House have to routinely fight against ignorance and dismissal? And if so, how would Wilson react? Or even just to general patients being terrible to House. Would he step in, or would House stop him because that would undermine his credibility?
Really love your AU! Can’t wait to see more ❤️
(hiii thank you for the kind words on here and ao3 kisskiss) house hiding his status as an omega and going through life as a false alpha is great i won't lie, but the idea of house being ASSUMED to be an alpha simply because of how he carries himself and taking great joy in surprising people by being like (loud incorrect buzzer).... the mischief. it's so yummy
that's rly neat!! i definitely believe that omegas being in places of power/authority are uncommon due to how they are perceived as the lesser secondary sex. an omega NURSE or orderly would be easier accepted than an omega DOCTOR, for instance. and then some patients being like "i don't wanna get treated by no 'meg, i want a different doctor seeing to me" of course.
given to the types of people who end up seeing house for their mystery illness of the week, there are definitely more than a couple of hardheads who try to challenge house's authority either as a patient in the hospital bed, or as family/loved ones of the ill who can't believe a mere omega can cure the patient. house would antagonize them back, of course, but not give up the case either if it's good enough a puzzle.
wilson's reaction to seeing house get discriminated would depend on what the aggressor says/does and wilson's own cycle as well. (this is operating on the default that they're unbonded as well) because as much as i LIVE for protective wilson, he also knows how to throw house's shit right back at him. and house is a jerk, no matter the au, so from the outside looking in he wouldn't bat an eye. if he's brought on as a consult to the case, he'd be a little more involved; professional, but he would defend house's integrity and skill.
closer to rut, though, he would be a bit more..... tense. he catches an alpha kick house's cane out from under him in a fit of aggression and before you know it, he's pinned them to the nearest flat surface and is growling in their face. HUGE no-no as a doctor but also one he can get away with at trial, yknow, "crime of passion" type thing.
as a distinguished (.... sort of. it's greg house) specialist and literal grown man, it gets on house's nerves, yes. and as someone at odds with his secondary sex, he also hates that he even brings out that part of wilson's alpha biology, too. but -- and he wouldn't admit this under threat of death -- it also makes him preen a little inside that wilson's hindbrain (his subconscious, the pure primal instinct with No Thought behind it) deems him as something worth fighting over, protecting, defending when house himself does not.
#asks#lucradiss#your handle makes me chuckle btw it's like ludacris but not! funny! love that#house md#hilson#yeah i'm tagging this i feel like i wrote a thesis paper while my food was cooking#house seeing himself a bad omega years before the infarction too#because he doesn't like to submit and he's not the ideal omega male physically#getting into something serious with stacy (alpha) was the first time he let himself be bonded to someone else#which meant in turn that her later betrayal of his wishes hurt even more..... man#for me a pair can become unbonded over time if they don't reaffirm regularly or can be induced medically#which is painful/unpleasant and probably only relegated to emergency situations#and house probably opted out of it medically so he was naturally being unbonded while also recovering from the surgery. man#no wonder him and wilson would get mistaken for bondmates. house probably imprinted on him without either realizing
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I have a very dear, very close friend, a little younger than me but not much. We met in middle school, roomed together when I went to grad school where she was finishing college. She was the only non-family member at my wedding.
And she's a massive Taylor Swift fan. This is actually kind of my fault. She was only vaguely aware of Taylor Swift before I fell in love with Red and brought the album along on a car trip. She liked it enough to give 1989 a shot and was hooked from there.
She bought me a copy of The Tortured Poets Department.
Normally this is not an issue. She's far from the only Swift fan I know, far from the most obsessive. But...
She loves this album so much she wanted to share it with me so we can talk about it and I think it might be the worst* album I've ever listened to.
*My personal taste, not an absolute judgement.
She's going to be so upset with me when we talk next weekend....
#if anyone who follows me likes the album please tell me what you like about it#maybe i can listen again with those points in mind?#every song is just so musically sparse but not in an interesting way#which would be fine for one or two songs but doesn't work for a whole album#i just need something to say to my friend that isn't#'you shared something deeply meaningful to you and i found it dull and unpleasant'
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#oh hey i just caught myself harboring Unnecessary Nightmare Scenarios#that last post made me think about how the only thing stopping me from getting another dog is money#like i could afford having a friend for savu. it would be no problem#BUT in a situation where i lost my partner and had to provide for the dogs by myself and they'd both get sick i'd be in deep trouble#which has sounded like a completely rational thing to be aware of. a completely valid reason for not getting another dog#except that is quite a few things that need to go wrong before the deep trouble would actually hit#and is that really the way i want to live my life? waiting for this relationship to end? accepting that eventually i will be left alone?#that my current life is nothing but a brief respite from a continuous struggle with both finances and illness? a glitch that will soon pass#it actually doesn't sound valid at all when i write it out like this#i have a partner who brings another stable paycheck into this household. i have no reason to believe this would change anytime soon#i have a wonderful dog that would probably benefit from having a friend#shelties are not super prone to any major lifelong diseases or such so it's unlikely the new dog would need constant expensive treatments#i think this thought pattern got a hold of me when savu got sick last spring#it was scary and unpleasant and i still feel raw around the edges after experiencing all of it#(the dog is fine by the way! definitely better these days and i'm super happy we got the surgery. we have many good years ahead of us still#but like. i'd like if my brain accepted 'this summer was scary and i'm not sure if i'm ready to possibly experience it with another dog'#instead of feeding me lies about a future where i'm all alone and desperately poor#but hey i've never caught this one before! now i know this thought pattern exists and can do something about it#sussitalk
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I always think I can’t handle spice bc I don’t enjoy things like takis or super spicy ramen or whatever so I buy stuff with ‘medium’ spice level then I get annoyed bc it’s not spicy at all. and I can never tell if something is going to be ‘goood spicy’ or ‘bad spicy’ so I always end up with bland ass products
#I bought this curry instant ramen and like#it’s pretty good#but it is not spicy AT ALL like I’m adding a 1/4 tsp of cayenne and curry paste and hot sauce to that shit to make it edible#or it just tastes like dry cumin which is unpleasant#and I bought them bc they were ‘medium’ spice and I was like cool i don’t like spicy spicy stuff this should be good#but I would consider this mild. so then it’s like ok when is mild mild and when is mild like. white person mild
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My roommate and I had a conversation last night and I keep rotating it in my brain and I Don’t Like It
#blue chatter#they called me a resilient person. and no the fuck I am not. I break down so easily over everything and my body is falling apart on me.#I scream in terror when someone knocks on the door too hard the fuck you mean I’m good at handling adversity#I pointed out that I freak out whenever my grade gets low even a little bit#and they were just sitting there like ‘yeah. and then you pick yourself up again and you do the work.’#and no? not always? oftentimes I give up and don’t try hard enough to fix it and let points go that I could have earned#I barely ever go for extra credit opportunities and I’ve never gone to office hours of my own free will#I can’t even think about talking to a professor about a bad grade without wanting to cry? hello?#but they were insistent that even with those things I am still managing Incredibly Well in class given the circumstances. which made me#uncomfortable. like. I don’t think of myself as resilient At All and I feel a bit like I’m lying or tricking them.#I start shaking like a chihuahua when people are upset and I’m In The Vicinity. even when they’re clearly not upset with me.#I really struggle to advocate for myself ever and even when I do I usually feel guilty and walk it back partway so I don’t cause a fight#and I always get way too emotional for the situation when someone has anything they’re upset with me for. which isn’t fair to them bc I need#to be able to take constructive criticism without taking it as a personal attack on me.#like what the fuck do you mean *resilient*. I can’t even handle seeing a bug flying near my face or getting a B in a class. or being told#that I did something wrong. I’m actually significantly worse at handling adversity than I used to be. high school me was a resilientish kid.#and it’s not like I was ever *good* at handling my emotions. even when it was essential for my safety. I’ve always cried way too easily#even when it actively made the situation I was in Much Worse. even when I knew better.#I would get angry and scared and sad and start shaking and crying and even screaming at my parents when they were mad at me even though#I knew that it would always make my life much worse. and extend an already beleaguered argument.#I brought this up with my therapist and she was like ‘well. anybody would have done that if they were treated like you were’.#which. okay. maybe so. I still feel like I should have been able to handle it and just shut up and move on and not make it worse.#but I am aware that this is probably a cognitive distortion. even so. that definitely doesn’t make me resilient.#I just. I feel gross being called resilient. I’m not. I’m weak and easily scared and unable to handle even small amounts of adversity.#the fuck is my roommate even *seeing*.#the annoying part is that they’re generally an insightful person about other people and I know logically that they’re probably right#which is why I’m not going to complain any more about this to their face bc I should just drop it and not make it a Thing#I talk too much about myself and my problems anyway. not every conversation has to be about my brain worms.#but the discomfort is Distinct and Unpleasant. and now I’m just having to sit with it. and Feel Uncomfortable. and try to accept what was#definitely intended as a compliment. I know it’s draining to talk to someone who doesn’t accept any of the kind things you say about them.
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Me: yeah I don’t need to get contacts I’m fine just wearing glasses
Me, when I want to cosplay: okay wig
#ghost posts#also glasses mess w makeup#at least I can see though#contacts are expensive idk how people afford them#I’ve never worn them but it seems unpleasant#but also man it would be nice to see my eyes without frames one day#i walk around the house without them but it looks like my eyes are closed bc I’m squinting#which is why I draw myself the way I do
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Was just reading about the 2019 Stuttgart Mefistofele (the one with the hazmat suits) while slacking off at work and it's cracking me up because some aspects of it seem to show the same directorial tendencies that I would bring to the piece, only cranked up exponentially. Like, I would only put an orgy into ONE (1) of the chorus scenes. A good reminder to use restraint in my imaginary opera productions.
#mefistofele#hot faust summer#one thing that i definitely would not do though#which this production did#was make the angels at the beginning cold and sterile and unpleasant#like. the score will not let you do that#yes i know contrasting the music and the action is a whole thing#but i don't think this is a place where that works#i think you need to have a glimpse of the sublime in this opera to clarify the stakes#and deploy the sordidness strategically#tbc some of the choices sound a lot like me but like. in a bad way#a couple in particular actually evoke one of my marloweverse wips#(although i think they are good there ;) )#faust friday
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shadoedseptmbr replied to this post
I always go with "she reads young to him" but not like "don't go there, young"
That is a likely intended interpretation, yeah.
I think if there weren't *also* dialogue lines with Liara that came across to me as "Shepard knows way more about all this romance stuff than her and she is Very Young in comparison" (which gives me the heebie-jeebies) it would not make me twitch as much.
#shadoedseptmbr#replies#springy plays mele#Merrick Shepard#my main memory of my original romance run with her#is the feeling that she would be in So Much Trouble if Shepard decided to be unscrupulous instead of being serious about her#which probably also has something to with the fact that Shepard can be *very* unpleasant with her at the locker scene#and (unlike Kaidan and Ash) she doesn't rightfully drop Shepard like a hot potato at that point
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Should I force myself to talk to women on hinge
#I do not want to#but I am also actively trying to overwrite unrequited attraction that is actually making me ill#so like. idk.#would that count as exposure therapy in this context?#I was introduced to the concept of limerence and I feel a lot more normal about it#not in the sense of ‘I am okay now’#but in the sense of ‘this is a shared and recognized phenomenon that acknowledges the compulsive nature of it#and suggests that it may come from a similar neurological place/process/imbalance as OCD#so instead of well meaning people who don’t grasp how overwhelming these feelings are telling me to just try to date other people#I at least have the validation of ‘you are not crazy because other people have experienced this kind of debilitating intensity too’#and the suggestions for coping with and overcoming limerence include CBT/DBT#which is a lot more structured and helpful than my friends giving me well intentioned advice for something they don’t really understand#like I cannot tell you how much relief this has brought me#I don’t just have a crush on a straight woman and can’t get over it i literally have these non stop intrusive thoughts about her#coupled with the constant mental noise of i know she isn’t interested and i need to be respectful and maintain boundaries#it has literally made me feel like I’m losing my mind or some kind of stalker#but a mental stalker#anyway it has been incredibly unpleasant and upsetting and now I’m focusing on consciously stopping and countering those thoughts#and approaching it the same way as my other intrusive thoughts#also note: I tried to make an appointment with my therapist but she is overbooked and if this does not yield change I might spiral again
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