#which would be a great defense if he actually gave a shit | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

purplecoffee13 · 2 months ago

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NFWMB - part 2

Summary: “Y/N’s first self defense class leads to some inevitable tension, all of which is thrown out of Y/N’s mind when she gets an unexpected visit at her office desk…”

Wc: 4.8k

Tropes: boxer!Harry x innocent!reader

Warnings: sexual TENSION😈, brief mention of SA, blood

A/N: hi everyone! I am so positively overwhelmed by the great response this new series has been getting🥹. I have such a good feeling about this and I hope you’ll appreciate this little adventure we’re going on😋. Xxx

P.S. I would also recommend listening to ‘Knuckles’ by the Snuts. Not only because it’s a great song, but along with NFWMB, it’s kinda the theme song of this series🤭.

General Masterlist

Series Masterlist

It was 8:55pm.

Harry had never been so fixated on time before. It was like his brain was counting down each second, even when he was trying to concentrate on quite literally anything else.

All weekend he had been wondering whether or not Y/N would show up tonight. Even though he had other things to do, and plenty of more urgent matters occupying his mind, the thought of her still managed to take up some space.

He hadn't heard from her. Not that it was technically possible; he didn't give him any contact information. God, why was he sweating this so much?

8:59pm.

The gym was entirely empty. He always closed early on Tuesdays. The rest of the week he stays open until 12am. There are more people who go to the gym late at night than he thought, but since he needed to cut himself some slack, he decided to use Tuesdays for that.

Not that he really cut himself some slack. He'd stay and do his own exercises, then stay longer to work on administration. He would eventually go home at around 11pm. Greg scolded him for it, demanding he take some time for himself, but that seemed to be impossible for Harry.

He loved this. He loved helping people and the shitty administrative stuff was nothing in comparison to the smiles he would see on people's faces upon leaving the gym. Whether that was one of the women in his defense classes, or a man who'd reached his new weightlifting goal. He loved seeing people happy.

9:04pm.

A wave of disappointment flooded through Harry's body. He didn't even know why he thought she'd come. It's not like he gave any indication that she wanted to. She actually told him, outright, that she didn't. He needed to check himself into a mental hospital or something... occupying himself so much with a girl he met once. He needed some sort of reality check.

The sound of the reception bell tore Harry from his thoughts, his head shooting towards the hallway where the sound was coming from. His feet began to move before he could even comprehend, and when he turned around the corner, a small sigh left his mouth.

Shit. There she was. Wearing baggy sweatpants and an oversized Rolling Stones t-shirt. Her hair was up in a ponytail, much like it had been the last time he saw her. It still looked different, though, as if she had put in more effort this time. There were no stray hairs, and the ponytail was braided. Her eyes were as big as ever, and he could've sworn they gleamed a bit when they landed on him.

Angel.

"Hi." She smiled shyly, adjusting the strap of her duffel bag that slung around her shoulder. The corner of Harry's mouth tugged up.

"Hi."

She didn't say anything, just stared at him and waited for him to continue talking. Harry, however, was too busy with looking at her that he forgot he should probably say something. It's why it took him a little longer to say:

"C'mon, let's go to the other room."

He waited for her to pace towards him before he turned around and walked to the training room. He tried, he truly did, to stay casual and just keep walking, but he couldn't help it. His head turned—just to check, he said to himself—to see the beautiful woman still walking behind him. She really was here.

Having entered the training room, Harry walked onto the mat, Y/N following him closely. He turned around and gestured for her to put her bag on the ground. She did as instructed, and stood back in front of him. He noticed her posture, the way it was extra straight. She was compensating for the insecurity that displayed in the way she fiddled with her fingers behind her back. She probably thought he didn't notice, but there were mirrors all around the room, so he could see every single part of her.

Harry titled his head downwards and looked at her. He was only realizing it now; the height difference between them. He had seen it last week, but now that he was standing close to her, it was more prominent.

"I want to say beforehand, that during these classes I will have to touch you." He said softly, his voice still in that low baritone. Y/N's lips slowly parted, but no words came out. "Is that okay with you?"

From the way her cheeks flushed after vigorously nodding her head, he could tell she had found her quick agreement to be a bit embarrassing. Harry only smiled.

"Words, please, Y/N."

"Y—yes," She quickly answered, and Harry opened his mouth to communicate his approval, but the continuation of her consent caught him off guard. "You can touch me."

His heartbeat began to pick up a bit, blood rushing towards parts that it should definitely not be rushing to. He clenched his jaw and balled up his fists, hoping the tension in the other parts of his body would refrain his cock from straining too hard against his pants.

Jesus, what was wrong with him? Why was he acting like he just got out of prison?

"Let's warm up." He said gruffly, sounding more moody than he wanted to. Y/N nodded, looking at her feet as she took a step backwards. She waited as Harry walked to the bench to get jump rope. When he walked back and handed it to her, her eyebrows knitted in confusion.

"It's to get your heart rate up. It'll have you ready for the exercises."

"Okay." She took the rope from his hands and got ready, but never started the exercise.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked. Her eyes went all big like it did in that first class.

"Oh— no, nothing. I was waiting for you. I don't know why... you're the instructor, of course." She was rambling again, shutting her eyes tightly for a few seconds after closing her mouth. Harry bit his lip to keep himself from chuckling at the woman in front of him.

"You know what, you're right, I'll join you. I haven't done my exercises today anyway." He said as he grabbed another rope. It was a big fat lie; he had trained for a good two hours today. But these exercises were harmless fun, and if it would make her feel more comfortable, he'd do it in a heartbeat.

"Would you like some music? I always prefer it because it tends to get kind of quiet in here. But we don't have to. It's really a personal preference." Harry explained, holding up his phone. A small smile appeared on Y/N's face.

"Uhm, yeah, that would be great. What do you usually listen to?"

Harry shrugged. "Uhm, rap usually."

Y/N hummed. Harry squinted his eyes at the woman in front of him, then raised a brow.

"You don't like that, do you?"

"What? No! I don't care, really. You can put on whatever you want." She was quick to defend herself. She wasn't exactly lying. Y/N didn't care, she wouldn't dream of opposing the man in front of her.

"What do you usually listen to?"

"Uhm, I like older music." You confessed. Harry tilted his head.

"Yeah? What kind?"

"Jazz, Soul, classic rock, a bit of hard rock, disco."

Harry nodded, and looked down at his phone to type in something. Y/N frowned—probably wondering what he was doing—but a giggle escaped her as 'Let's Hear It For The Boy' started playing through the speakers. Harry's eyes twinkled as he took in the sight of her. He couldn't help but smile pridefully, knowing he made her laugh like that. It felt like an accomplishment.

"Okay, let's begin."

And so, Harry and Y/N began jumping with the jump rope next to each other. He told her to count until fifty out loud, and she obeyed him. By the time they were done, Y/N's heavy breathing made her realize that her physical shape had gotten a lot worse since moving out. She always used to run back when she lived with her parents, she told Harry, but she hadn't found time for it since she'd moved.

They did a couple other warm-up exercises together, and when stretching the final time, Harry dared to comment.

"You're pretty flexible."

Y/N looked up, shrugging at her instructor. "I was a cheerleader back in high school, and I used to do a lot of yoga in college. Maybe it stuck."

"Yeah, probably." Harry nodded, admiring the woman in front of him. She talked so casually about herself. She was actually impressively flexible; it's why he noted it in the first place. She was taking herself for granted, he could tell.

"Okay, let's start, shall we?" Harry said, getting up to his feet. Y/N silently nodded as she followed in his footsteps. "I'm going to teach you some basic things, but I also want to ask you if there are some specific exercises you would like to focus on. If so, we can start by handling those after having learned the basics, okay?"

"Okay." Y/N said, taking a deep breath.

"You can think about it, and tell me next time." Harry added, and as The Jackson 5's ABC began to play, the real exercises started.

Y/N listened intently as he explained her the basic things about throwing a punch. Balance was the most important thing, Harry had said. She followed his instructions closely and stood with her feet shoulder-with apart, her right foot—the dominant one, he told her it had to be—slightly ahead of her left one.

"Good." Harry's sound of approval had awakened something in your stomach. "Now clench your fist— you have to wrap your thumb around your index and middle fingers. Otherwise you'll break your thumb."

Y/N did as he said, keeping her wrist straight. Her stomach dropped as he let out a disapproving hum. He went to stand beside her as he lowly said:

"Bend your knees."

As soon as the words had left his mouth, Y/N bent her knees a bit. From all the nervousness she kept stretching her limbs all the time, going against his order. Seeing her answer to him so quickly had made him smirk a bit.

"Good."

He didn't miss the deep breath Y/N took as he spoke. She desperately wanted his approval. It was endearing... and other things that it shouldn't be. Harry mentally slapped himself in the face. This was a professional environment, why were his thoughts racing the same way they used to back when he was a teenager? It was pathetic, really.

"Now, when you punch someone, it's important to put your entire body into it. If you punch without moving the rest of your body, it won't have as much of an impact. You have to generate the power from your core and legs. That way, the blow will land way harder." He explained, trying not to smile at Y/N's faint frown as she took in all the he was saying. She was so concentrated, wanting to absorb every piece of information he shared. "Like this."

He showed her what he meant. Y/N nodded and tried to imitate her instructor, but without much luck.

"You don't have to lean forward that much. If you turn with your entire body, it'll do that for you." He said, and had to fight the small grin that threatened to form on his lips when she tried to hold herself back too much this time. She huffed in annoyance.

"How am I ever going to be able to defend myself again if I can't even get a punch right?" She murmured, mainly to herself, as she pinched the bridge between her nose. Harry's ears perked up at what she said.

What did she mean with 'again'? Rage started simmering in his body at the sole implication of someone having done something to this woman that made her have to defend herself. Is that why she was so interested in the class? Why she wanted to learn so bad despite being so shy? Because someone had hurt her, or threatened to, and made her feel unsafe?

"Can I touch you?"

Y/N's gaze shot up to Harry's, keeping them locked for a few seconds before she let out a soft 'yes'. He nodded once, went to stand behind her, and told her to get back into position. As soon as she had, he grabbed her hips. Firm, but light.

"Do it again, slowly."

Y/N did as he said, and let him help her move her body in the right way. Automatically, her foot stayed in the right position, and she wasn't really leaning forward anymore.

"That's it." Harry said proudly. He was kind of caught off guard when Y/N sucked in a breath and turned around, his hands falling off her hips immediately. For a second, he felt bad, not having wanted to make her feel uncomfortable in any way, but when he saw her swallow, biting her lip, he knew that his touch had caused something else.

Fuck. He was definitely better off not knowing.

"I— Can I drink some water?" Y/N asked, almost sounding like she was out of breath. Harry did his best not to let it get to his head too much as he nodded, biting inside of his cheek. She scurried over to her bag, and took out a water bottle, of which she probably gulped half down before she set it down on the bench.

"Okay, c'mon. We have a lot to cover." Harry said when he felt she was lingering by the bench too much. She immediately walked back to him, and there was sense of pride that filled Harry's chest. Such a good listener, she was.

Y/N was exhausted. Her first self defense class was finally over, and it was a lot harder than she thought it'd be. They went over the basics of punching, and Harry had decided that she definitely needed to build some muscle. In the end, they practiced half an hour longer than the original hour Y/N thought the class was going to be. The regular classes were sixty minutes, so she'd just assumed.

It was also unbearable. She couldn't believe how worked up she was getting over the proximity between her and Harry. It was embarrassing, she had to be ovulating or something. Of course, it probably also had something to do with the fact that Harry was singlehandedly the most beautiful man she'd ever seen, but she shouldn't have let that distract her from her goal. She needed these classes, she needed not to be weak anymore.

After the class, Harry told her to be here at the same time next week, and she thanked him before walking out of the gym.

Harry probably didn't expect her to still stand outside ten minutes later when he walked out to lock up, but when he noticed the pouring rain, it looked like he understood.

"Did you walk?" He asked casually, locking the door. Y/N shook her head.

"Bike." She pointed to the soaking wet bicycle a few feet away.

"D'you need a ride?" He questioned, stepping towards her. Again, she shook her head.

"It's fine, I'll just wait until this blows over."

As if the universe and the weather were playing a crude joke on her, loud thunder ripped through the sky just as the sentence left her mouth. Harry tilted his head a bit.

"Yeah, no. I'm dropping you off at home." He said, and before she could protest, Harry began to walk away, right into the rain. He stepped into his car and drove over to Y/N, then got out of the car again. As he approached her, he asked:

"Where are the keys to your bike?"

Too stunned to say anything, she just handed him the keys. She was a little occupied with how hot he looked all soaking wet and— oh Jesus, she needed shock therapy.

She watched as Harry carried the bicycle and out in the trunk of his car. The grey hoodie that he must've thrown on before leaving the gym was a few shades darker now, and strands of his hair clung to his forehead. He made his way to the passenger door, and opened it, a wave of his arm gesturing for her to get in. She ran into the car, the door closing behind her with a harsh thud.

Harry ran around the car and got in himself, closing the door and turning the vehicle on immediately. Y/N's eyes went wide as Harry pulled the hoodie over his head, tugging his t-shirt up a bit along with it. She eyed the tattoos that inked his hip bones. They seemed like... leaves of some kind? She couldn't exactly make it up in such a short time because she shifted her gaze to the car window and strictly kept it there as soon as she'd realized she was staring.

"Where to?" Harry asked, but Y/N only replied with a distracted hum, not daring to take her eyes off the car window. She had never been around someone who'd made her so nervous before. Sure, she'd been awkward a whole bunch in her life, especially around her crushes in high school. But she was 23 now, she shouldn't be behaving like this around men anymore!

"Y/N?" He leaned forward, waving a hand in front of her face. She snapped her head to him.

"Oh, sorry!" She said, her tone revealing how stressed she was.

"It's okay. Just type in your address, and I'll drive you home." Harry answered sweetly. His soft, green eyes made him seem like much less of an intimidating man. That was, until one would look further down his body of course. The man was extremely jacked, and while that was very hot, it could also be quite scary. But she couldn't find any part of herself that was afraid of him.

No, he might've intimidated her, and that might've made her act like an complet fool in front of him, but she wasn't scared of him.

The silence during the car ride was mostly filled up with Harry asking Y/N questions about herself. Where she was from, what she'd studied. She, alike, returned those questions and found out a bit more about Harry's past as well.

The he was a boxer, retired two years ago, and now owned several gyms. Y/N knows she should've been taken aback a bit when she asked Harry's age and he said he was 29, but for some reason it worked the opposite for her.

Was this a topic for therapy?

She hadn't time to think too much of it, as he soon pulled up in front of her apartment complex. They both got out of the car and Harry helped carry her bicycle to a little garage for bikes at the side of the apartment.

They walked back towards the car, both drenched in water by now, and Harry turned around to say goodbye, but Y/N interrupted him.

"What do I owe you?" She asked, not caring that she was standing in the pouring rain and she was shivering from the cold. A sort of didn't want the conversation to end just yet. Harry thought it over for a few seconds, then shrugged.

"Nothing." He said, to which Y/N knitted her brows.

"But I need to pay you for the classes." She stated the obvious, at least she felt like she was.

"It was a try-out class." Harry replied with a smile.

"I already had my try-out class." She reiterated. Harry shook his head.

"That was your group try-out class, this was your private try-out class. Try-outs are always free."

Y/N bit her lip, unsure of what to say to that. Eventually she settled on something in the middle. "Fine. I'll just tip you extra good the upcoming classes."

Harry let out a laugh. "Sure, angel."

She could've sworn that her heart skipped the beat at the sound of that nickname rolling off Harry's tongue. Did he really just call her that? Y/N scanned for answers in Harry's face, and only noticed a slight shock in his eyes, but it was quickly covered up with that casual ease that always seemed to be hanging over him.

"I— I'm gonna get inside. Thank you for the ride, and the class."

Harry just gave her a small nod. "Anytime."

With that, Y/N turned around and hurried to her apartment complex, shivering by the time she got inside her own place. Her mind was racing, everything that had happened tonight kept flashing through her brain and it was like she could feel the burn of his fingers on her hips.

This was so unlike her. Unlike anything she'd ever done. Taking this class was a risk, one she'd thought being worth it, because it would bring her safety and security.

But this... these tingling feelings crashing into her like an avalanche— she hadn't felt like this since college. Hadn't had a crush become so intense in such a short time.

What the hell was she gonna do about this?

All she knew is that she couldn't stop thinking about him. Not as she got in the shower, nor as she got into bed. She kept tossing and turning until she gave into that feeling that had been nagging at her all night, her hand slowly sliding down her belly and to the sensitive ache that had been growing between her legs.

She closed her eyes and didn't even have to try to imagine Harry's hands on her again, the way he'd said those words to her. As if he wanted her to misinterpret them for something dirty.

"Can I touch you?"

"Do it again, slowly."

"That's it."

The sound of his voice ringing through her head had Y/N rubbing her fingers faster over her clit, her legs starting to close from the immense stimulation. Nevertheless, she forced herself to keep them open as she pleasured herself. Small gasps for air began leaving her body as she felt her climax coming closer and closer.

"Sure, angel."

The teasing tone in which he spoke, the playfulness in his eyes and the accent with which he said the nickname, that memory is what made her make a mess all over her fingers. A small moan even left her mouth in the sound of his name, and although no one was there to hear it, Y/N was embarrassed as she went to the bathroom, cleaned herself up, and went back to bed.

She did fall asleep quite quickly after, though. She was exhausted.

The next morning, there was a slight flutter in her stomach and a smile on her face as she opened her eyes. A new reason to get up in the morning had been making its way into her life, and she couldn't feel anything but giddy about it. Having a crush was always fun.

Despite the replaying of yesterday's practice over breakfast, and the heating of her cheeks at the memories of his words in the car on her way to work, Y/N knew that she was playing with fire by letting herself indulge in this crush. She needed to be careful not to let it go too far. A simple crush wasn't a problem, but he was her instructor and if she truly wanted to learn something in those self defense classes, she better separate business and pleasure.

With the loads of work she had to do at work, Y/N managed to drown out most of the thoughts about Harry the rest of the morning. She was finally relaxing after getting some important papers sent over—which was a stressful problem, as they had to be sent yesterday but some incompetent idiot messed up, leaving Y/N to solve it by herself first thing in the morning—when she got an e-mail from Sophie.

You are invited to

SOPHIE'S 30th BIRTHDAY PARTY

SATURDAY 5 OCTOBER

8:00pm (don't be late!)

Theme: Casino Night

Y/N stared at the invitation on her computer screen, a wide smile covering most of her face. She knew she didn't have any plans, but she still checked her agenda to make sure she was available Saturday next week. She felt like a child who'd just gotten her first ever birthday invitation. It sure felt like that.

Y/N hadn't really had such sweet friends before. Getting along with Sophie had been so incredibly easy and although she always felt like it was too good to be true and there must be some sort of trap, there never was. Sophie just enjoyed Y/N's company, and vice versa. It was like having a big sister and a best friend in one.

About five seconds after silently celebrating having received the invitation, Y/N began to stress about what present she should bring her new friend. It had to be something good. Sophie had earned a lot of money, and could basically get herself anything she wanted, so it had to be more of a sentimental gift.

Y/N had her eyes on a present already. She was very enthusiastic about it; it was something Sophie would really like.

All caught up in the excitement, she didn't notice a tall shadow standing over her until he coughed to get her attention. Y/N looked up, dread filling her stomach as she locked eyes with Oscar. She was still trying to remember how to breathe since her body just shut down out of anxiousness at the sight of him, when he started talking.

"Look, I'll keep this short, because I know you don't want to talk to me," He looked to his left and right before grabbing onto the desk and leaning over it. "but I just want to make sure we're on the same page."

Y/N could do nothing but blink at the man in front of her. What was he talking about, 'same page'?

"Things didn't really go how I thought they would that night, and I've accepted that. But I would appreciate if you wouldn't go around telling people."

"Telling people what?" The words left her mouth before she could stop herself. Originally she didn't want to utter a word in front of this man, nor did she believe she was able to, but this demand of his made her stomach twist. The way he said it, the distaste so apparent on his tongue. As if she were an inconvenience to be dealt with. He'd really mastered that heartlessness that only the cruelest of lawyers could conjure.

"You know what..." He said through clenched teeth, giving her a bit of a warning glare. The anger that boiled within her was new. She had never experienced it in such a large quantity before, and it had her acting out of character.

"What? About you assaulting me?"

The sentence had barely escaped her mouth when Oscar leaped forward a bit, frown so deep that it had made the vein in his forehead extremely prominent. She flinched at the sudden movement, tilting back into her chair. She felt the sped up pace of heartbeat as she clenched her fists, the rest of her body frozen in anticipation of what he was going to do.

"I did not assault—" he stopped himself, his crazy eyes calming a bit, as if he realized he was still in the office. "You know what, you can run to whoever you want. This firm trusts me, and they know what kind of man I am, that I would never do such a thing. Either way, it’s most likely not my job you'll be risking by bringing forth such an accusation."

Y/N had no idea what to possibly say to that. Not that Oscar gave her the chance, seeing as he backed away and walked off before she had the chance to come up with something. She began breathing more heavily with every step he took away from her.

Did he just threaten her?

A tingling pain in her hand distracted Y/N from the rabbit hole of thoughts she was just about to fall into, and when her eyes moved to see what it was, she raised her brows at the sight of blood in her hand.

Unconsciously, somewhere in between looking at the invitation and Oscar's impromptu visit, she must've grabbed the pair of scissors that were laying on the desk. She must've balled up her fists so much that she cut her hand.

Staring at the blood, a thousand thoughts running through her head, only one was the loudest.

She needed to get out of here.

Taglist: @meetmeatyourworst @mema10 @seafoamwhispers @namoreno

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jyoongim · 10 months ago

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Based on ep 5

ALASTOR

BARKK BARK AOOOGAAA

Love a caring, defensive, sadistic, cannibilistic daddy demon

Title: Acts of service

Themes: slight submissive y/n, protective, blood, demon form, fluff, relationship dynamic, implied married couple, human life mentioned

Alastor can take a lot of shit…but even he has a breaking point….

(hehehehehehe)

Charlie’s hotel was not making the progress she wanted and so one day she shocked everyone with four words;

“My dad is coming”

The hotel was in a state of frenzy.

Everyone seemed excited to meet the King of Hell.

For once everyone was on one page and getting the place in tip top shape.

You had finally calmed Charlie down from her nth breakdown and had started primping yourself for the big man’s visit.

“Honestly its about time Luci showed his bright ass around here” you said as you patted some blush on.

Alastor was standing in the corner of your bedroom; oozing darkness menacingly.

He had been rather quiet and for once not making a fuss.

You almost smirked, whether or not he admits it

He adored Charlie

And HATED being bested in anything.

“Youre glowering dear” you say as you finish applying your flawless makeup.

“I just dont see what all the hoopla is about. So what if the Morningstar is coming…its just charlie’s dad” Alastor grumbled in a rant.

You giggled “Yea but this is important to Charlie so no funny business mister”

His big smile tightened and his eyes narrowed “no promises”

You and Charlie greeted Lucifer

“Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel!”

He damned near choked Charlie in a bear hug before turning to you

“Long time no see Sis” you hummed and gave him a big squeeze, but not before hissing lowly in his ear “do not fuck this up Luci”

He swallowed and you grinned before walking to stand by Alastor.

You nudged him towards Lucifer and reluctantly he introduced himself.

“Alastor sir pleasure to put a face to the name”

Lucifer shot you a look before eyeing Alastor suspiciously

“Uuuhh and you are?”

Alastor eye twitched “i’m the host of the hotel…you might know me from my radio broadcast hmm?”

Lucifer shrugged “nope guess thats why Charlie named it the HAZbin hotel”

You facepalmed and charlie was visibly getting nervous as you could literally see Alastor’s ego flare

“HA HA HA actually i came up with that”

“Ha Ha Ha well it wasnt very clever!”

They were in each other faces now

Alastor growled “ha ha HA fuck you”

You interjected, getting between the two, mostly Alastor

“Boys Boys reign it in PLEASE” you threw a look at Alastor, who straightened his suit.

You sighed and turned your attention to Charlie

“Dear why dont you tell your dad the whole point of your hotel” you gave a tense smile.

“Y/n is right dad! Alastor here has been tremendous help with the hotel…i wouldnt have made it this far without him” lucifer made a face.

You could see the wheels turning in Alastor’s head

He was up to no good.

“Yeeeeessss we are all very proud of Charlie. I am honored to fulfill any wish this lovely young lady has”

He hugged Charlie and it took all of your willpower to not laugh at Lucifer’s annoyed look.

You giggled as he completely ignored Alastor and in turn to the others.

Charlie introduced her girlfriend and you could literally see his shoulders ease.

“OH thank Hell youre a lesbian! Cool cool i totally approve of THIS!”

Lucifer went on to give luxurious suggestions to Charlie, which Alastor shot down.

You sighed lovingly at Alastor’s antics.

He might have been the big bad Radio Demon, but he really was a softie when he wanted to be.

Definitely would have made a great dad…

You blushed at the thought.

Lucifer and Alastor were currently bickering with each other about who was the better father figure.

When suddenly the door flew open and a short, voluptuous, 1920 styled woman bursted in.

Your eyes widened “Mimzy?”

She squealed and embraced you in a tight hug, you kissed each other’s cheeks in greeting

“Ooooh y/n darling how you’ve been? Its been too long” she asked.

You grinned and gave a shrug “ooh it hasnt been that long has it?”

She greeted Alastor and gave you an astonished look “Y/n darling you still with dollface here?” you felt everyone eyes shift to you and you felt your eye twitch a bit but said nothing.

She begged to have you chat with her but you told her youll catch up her later, as you were helping Charlie and Alastor with Lucifer.

Not many people knew what your relationship with Alastor, hell not many people knew about Alastor life in general.

And you kind of liked to keep it that way but Mimzy was a talker if you ever saw one.

But Mimzy was not was one to just show up just out of nowhere…

She wanted something

You and Alaster were trailing behind Charlie as she explained the purpose of the hotel when Husker appeared to the two of you, addressing Alastor

“Boss a word with you” you quirked a brow when Alastor kindly shooed you off to have his discussion. You walked a bit aways before morphing into the wall and listened in on their conversation

“What is it?”

“You and I both know that Mimzy only pops her ass up when she needs somethin, that bitch is trouble and who knows what kind of shit she got into to come running to you”

True.

“Dont worry so much Husker, its nothing i cant handle, besides who in their right mind would cross me?”

“I mean…youve been gone a while and it aint like no one knows why-”

He was cut off

“And they dont need to know” that sharp smile was tight

Alastor patted Husker’s head condescendingly; like a pet.

Husker shoved his hand away angrily.

“Big talk for someone who’s also on a leash”

You saw Alastor glitch, eyes turning to black and glowing dials

Uh oh.

“What did you say?”

Your eyes widened as contract chains shot out at Husker, wrapping around his neck

Alastor was menacingly toying with the chain as he growled

“If you ever say that again i will tear your soul apart and broadcast your screams for every disrespectful wretch WHO DARES TO QUESTION ME!”

Husker was shaking like a leaf and you were stunned; Alastor rarely ever lost his composure.

When Alastor disappeared down the hall you morphed to Husker to ease his nerves

“Oh Husker are you ok?” you asked as you tried soothed his nerves.

He shook it off (not really) and grumbled “fucking asshole”

You headed back to the lobby with Husker when a loud BAM was heard.

What the fuck?

“Mimizy you skank c’mon out here!”

You see Mimzy hide behind the bar and raise a eyebrow.

You frown, going to heave her over the counter

“Mimzy care to enlighten me about what the actual fuck is that”

She sweatdropped “i-i may or may not have borrowed some money from a loan shark”

Your frown deepened “how. Much. money?”

“O-o fifty…grand”

You hissed.

The hotel was shaking and was being heavily damaged

You pulled charlie out of the way as some debris fell from the ceiling and hissed at Lucifer “arent you gonna do something!?”

He was trying to make this a life lesson and now was NOT the time.

You growled and went to march right outside to give those goons a piece of your mind when a clawed hand settled on your shoulder.

“Dont worry dear ill handle this”

“But Alastor…”

His smile turned wild “its about time i reminded everyone why i am here…a reminder to not fuck with the Radio Demon!”

He transformed. Antlers out and black tentacles flaring.

You watch him grow big in size and rip the gangsters apart, eating a few.

You smiled wickedy, hells he was hot

After he had his fun he shrunk back to normal and you launched yourself at him

Lovingly you purred into his neck “you ok now?”

He grinned, nuzzling you “i missed blowing off some steam”

Mimzy approached the two of you and you frowned, opening your mouth to say something but Alastor beat you to it

“I think you should go Mimzy. Now”

She was shocked. Usually Alastor let her off the hook and it was you who normally told people off.

“Y-you cant be serious…”

His eyes narrowed “I mean it. You brought danger to this place just for me to clean up your mess. I wont allow that here”

He was putting his foot down. You leaned into him, happy.

You flashed her a sharp grin “i agree Mimzy, you should go”

She blinked “you backing up your hubby over ya own friend? y/n!”

She hissed at Alastor “you think i dont know you? You cant really give a shit about this place”

You crossed your arms, giving her a pointed look, hissing as you felt your eyes glow in anger “leave Mimzy. While i’m the one being nice”

She huffed and turned to leave, but not before flipping you both off.

You relaxed and turned to Alastor, who was looking smug.

Tugging on his bowtie you craned his neck to your level, purring

“Bedroom now dear”

His ears perked and his smile grew wider “feeling big emotions doll?”

“Ooh you have no idea”

With a flick of your hand the hotel was restored and you were whisking the lanky red demon upstairs to blow off some steam of your own

….

extra:

"what y/n and Alastor are married?!"

charlie blinked "yea i thought you guys knew that"

"WHAT THE FUCK!"

#hazbin alastor #alastor the radio demon #radio demon #alastor x reader #alastor #hazbin hotel

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wlntrsldler · 8 months ago

Text

poisoned mercury | lifestyles of the rich & famous

i. lifestyles of the rich and famous by good charlotte (introduction)

a/n: introductory chapter! introducing the dynamics of the band, luke's relationship with his mom, and teenage boy antics. pre-reader and pre-chb. things will pick up quickly after this, i promise! bear with me as i set the scene :)

series masterlist | previous | next

“why the fuck am i seeing tabloids on top of tabloids with my kid’s plastered face on the front page of all of them?”

luke winced at the sound of his mom’s voice echoing through the empty event space. chris covered the bottom half of his face with his shirt, trying to hold in his laughter. may castellan was in her usual pantsuit, high heels clacking against the floor, as she waved around trashy magazines. she was furious.

“ignoring the fact that you are not 21 years old and cannot legally drink, what were you thinking, luke?” travis dropped his drumsticks on the ground, motioning for chris and connor to follow him backstage. they’d seen luke get chewed out by his mom more often since they started their world tour. as the three boys walked toward the side of the stage, may turned to them. “none of you are off the hook either. you may not have been on the front page, but care to listen to what they said about you in one of their glorious articles?”

“i would actually prefer not to, mama castellan,” chris mumbled, suddenly feeling caught. all traces of humor instantly drained from his face. luke couldn’t help but scoff, the boys always gave him shit for getting yelled at by his mom, so he was glad that this time around they were all on the sinking ship.

she dramatically cleared her throat, opening up one of the magazines. luke grimaced at the sight of him on the front page. he was sitting on the curb, his sunglasses askew, with a girl awkwardly patting his back. he doesn’t even remember this. may shot daggers at chris, who was cowering behind his mic stand, “bassist of poisoned mercury, chris rodriguez, was photographed away from the band when he was caught outside smoking something that wasn’t a cigarette, if you catch our drift. hopefully, his habits don’t catch up to him anytime soon.”

she stared at the stolls next, “drummer and lead guitarist of the rising band, travis and connor stoll, didn’t miss out on the fun. they walked out of the club with two models, who looked like twins, along with a bottle of dom perignon before heading into their suv.”

“and my darling child,” her words were sweet but her tone was anything but. luke chewed on the peeling skin of his bottom lip, “superstar, teen heartthrob, poisoned mercury lead singer, luke castellan, had a great night as seen in these pictures. the resident bad boy had one too many, it seems, as he walked out of the club stumbling with a mysterious blonde under his arm. castellan couldn’t make it into the car and had to sit on the curb to puke his guts out. let’s hope his actions didn’t ruin his chance at a budding romance.”

may closed the magazine, arms on her hips. she waited patiently for one of the boys to speak up.

“in our defense, this was in canada,” luke tried to reason, scrunching his face up. “legal drinking age is 18.”

that was the wrong response, luke realized, when his mom’s eyes lit up in anger. she let out a breath, “you were in toronto where the drinking age is 19, which you weren’t until yesterday.”

“i did not know that the drinking age in canada varied by region. i always learn something new whenever i talk to you, mama castellan,” travis said, trying to lighten the mood. connor shot him a look, motioning for him to quit talking. may castellan was clearly not in the mood for jokes.

“i am tired of you guys acting reckless,” she roared, dropping the magazines. they fell with a heavy thud. she rubbed her temples with the pads of her fingers, “your parents trusted me to take care of you guys while you chased your dreams and this is what you’re doing under my watch?!”

seeing his mom at her wit's end made luke feel sick.

“mom,” luke hopped off the stage, ignoring the sound of the magazines ripping under his feet as he landed on top of them, “we’re sorry. i’m sorry.”

“sorry’s not gonna cut it anymore, luke,” may said, shaking her head. “after this tour, you guys are taking a break. no touring, no public appearances.”

“what?” connor exclaimed, joining luke off the stage. the other boys followed, looks of bewilderment evident on their faces. “w-we can’t take a break now!”

“yeah, c’mon, mama c!” chris added, shaking his head, “we’re just getting really big. if we quit now, we’ll lose this momentum.”

“you’re not quitting. it’s just a tiny break– three months,” she cut them off, raising a hand in a stop. “we’ll release a statement to the press saying you guys will be taking some time off to work on your sophomore album so people have something to look forward to when you return.”

“okay, so that’s the cover story,” luke ran a hand through his curls. he knew that there was no winning against his mom when she made up her mind. he looked at her and spoke before the rest of the band continued their protests, “but what are we actually gonna be doing?”

“you’re going to spend your summer in montauk, just like old times,” his mom explained, voice still stern. “you’re going to camp half blood.”

“what the fuck is a camp half blood?” chris asked, plopping down on the couch they had inside their dressing room. rehearsal was cut short following the news delivered by luke’s mom.

“it’s a music camp,” luke explained, fidgeting with random things sprawled across his desk, trying to find the pack of cigarettes he hid. he really needed to clean up. “my dad used to take me there over the summer when i was younger.”

the topic of luke’s dad was a sore subject for him. his dad left him and his mom when he was 7 for some young waitress from their hometown diner. one second, he was signing up for little league with his dad as the coach; the next, he was sitting in the hallway listening to his mom cry after his dad packed a bag and left town with wendy the waitress in the passenger seat. luke hasn’t heard from him since then. last he checked, his dad was lounging beachside in santa monica with his third wife who was definitely too young for him. as far as he’s concerned, his dad was dead to him.

but he couldn’t deny that his time at camp half blood was the place of origin of some of his best childhood memories. he got his first taste of what it was like to be on stage at camp half blood; the adrenaline coursing through his veins, the pounding of his heart at the applause, the wild images in his head about what it would be like to be known for his music-- it all started at camp half blood. he was his happiest at camp, at least before his dad ruined it for him.

“is it fun?” travis asked, twirling a fresh pair of drumsticks between his fingers.

“used to be, yeah,” luke chuckled, hoisting himself up to sit on the desk. “haven’t been there since i was seven.”

“dude, i do not want to hang out with a bunch of little kids all summer,” chris groaned, letting his head fall back against the wall.

“relax, rodriguez,” luke lit a cigarette, inhaling the smoke before continuing. “there’s two sides to the camp. we’ll be with the older kids.”

“oh shit, is camp half blood mr. d’s music camp?” connor asked. the name of the camp was starting to sound familiar to him.

luke took another drag, nodding, “that’s the one.”

“dude, i fucking love mr. d. he always has the wildest stories,” travis laughed, “he’s so mellow and chill now, i wouldn’t’ve ever guessed he used to be like that.”

“it was the 90’s,” chris shrugged, “pretty sure everyone was like that at one point.”

“paid off for him though,” connor replied, opening a bag of doritos. he offered a chip to his brother, who in return, snatched the bag for himself. connor rolled his eyes, reaching over to grab another one. he was used to this. “i mean being a ceo of a multi-million dollar recording company isn’t too shabby.”

luke hummed along, mindlessly, letting the chatter of his bandmates fill the air. the three boys fell into a conversation about the last time they saw mr. d at the recording studio when they were finishing up the vocals for their debut album, but luke’s mind was far away from the topic at hand. he couldn’t shake the feeling of disappointment from his body. he knew the way his mom looked at him would haunt him for the next few nights.

it wasn’t like he was actively trying to disappoint her– really, he wasn’t, but he just gets so caught up in the noise of fame that he forgets how to act under the pressure. there was something about his mom breaking down in front of him because of him that tore him apart. he felt guilty. his mom didn’t ask for this life, she didn’t even want it. she was content being a suburban mom in westport, connecticut, but she gave up her comfy life to let luke live out his dreams of being a musician.

he was lucky, he knew that. not every mom would be on board with her kid dropping out of traditional high school to perform rowdy songs about teenage angst, but may castellan was okay with it because she loved luke so much and wanted him to be happy. so when poisoned mercury got a record deal with olympus records, she didn’t hesitate to drop everything and go on the road with four unruly teenagers, promising their parents that she’d take care of their sons.

sometimes, he thinks about what his mom sees when she looks at him. he wonders if she still recognized him, the him before all the fame got to his head.

he was may castellan’s little boy. the boy who used to beg his mom for chocolate chip cookies after a bad day at school, who used to knock on her door in the middle of the night wondering why he wasn’t enough for his dad to stay, and who cried when she got him his first guitar on his tenth birthday. for most of his life, it’s always just been him and his mom.

now, at 19, luke didn’t know who he was anymore. he was just going with the flow, doing whatever, doing whoever, his fame and his status threw his way. he did what any teenage boy would do in his position– he drank, he smoked, he had fun, maybe too much fun, sometimes. it’s a rockstar’s life, his wildest dreams come to life, but it was a distraction, mostly. luke wasn’t brave enough to face the music just yet, so he dove into this fantasy head-first, too afraid to look back.

except sometimes, he fucks up really badly, like in toronto, and he’s forced to deal with the consequences of his actions. one time, his mom cut the band off from playing video games on the tour bus for a month after a heated argument between the four of them caused them to cancel a show. the argument was stupid. luke was adamant that scorpions did not have the same mental capacity for understanding pain that humans do and that did not bode well with travis. rehearsal ended in a brawl because travis kept doing impromptu drum solos to drown out luke’s voice. his mom was pissed that hundreds of fans were disappointed over the canceled show and it was all because they couldn’t agree over a damn scorpion.

another time, she banned them from driving the golf carts around the venue when they crashed it into a very expensive sound system in portland. they ended up owing upwards of $4,000 for the damages and were banned from playing at the event space ever again. the four of them laughed about it when the chaos of it all subsided, and they were fine not playing at the house of hades again, but they did miss the snack bar they set up for visiting talents. chris said he still dreamt about the pomegranate juice ‘til this day.

luke can look back at the punishments over the years fondly now. in the grand scheme of things, none of it really mattered. but going to camp half blood? this was a different type of punishment.

luke didn’t want to go to camp half blood. the last memory he had of camp was not a welcomed one. plus, after what he experienced on tour, he could think of a million other ways to spend his summer months, and living at a camp with spotty cell service and designated arts and crafts time was nowhere near the top of the list.

“yo, castellan,” chris’ voice snapped luke out of his thoughts. “you comin?”

luke put out his cigarette against the wood of his desk, “huh?”

“we’re grabbing food, do you wanna go with us?”

luke hopped off the desk, slipping on his black, puffer jacket, “yeah, i’m right behind you.”

as luke was walking out of the dressing room, adjusting his t-shirt, he saw his mom talking to teddy, their publicist. they were engaged in a serious conversation, no doubt talking about the press release regarding their second album and their hiatus. luke stood in front of the door for a brief moment, a stutter in his steps, not knowing if he should interrupt.

luke pursed his lips, deciding to jog over to his mom.

“i think we should post it on the band accounts first before the boys announce it individually. it make–” may furrowed her eyebrows, noticing luke coming closer to her. she turned her body to face him. she looked much calmer now than she did during rehearsals, “hey, what’s wrong?”

luke shook his head, “nothin’, mom. i just–uh, just wanted to say sorry again.”

“let’s talk later, may,” teddy gave the two of them a small smile before walking away.

“i’m not changing my mind about camp half blood,” she frowned. “sorry, luke but i can’t have you guys running around all sum–”

“no, no, i know, mom. i-i didn’t come here to try to convince you,” luke looked down at his feet, suddenly feeling like a little boy again. “i just– uh, shit. okay, i’m sorry for toronto. it was a bad time and it’s not fair that you have to deal with the fall out of our shit. and uh– thank you for sticking by us even though we drive you kinda crazy.”

may laughed, smiling at her son, “you’re my kid. you know i’ll always be there to set you straight.”

“thanks, mom,” luke chuckled, backing away to catch up with his bandmates. may waved goodbye, making her way to teddy’s makeshift office. before luke left the tunnel, he turned around, “wait mom! last thing!”

she raised her eyebrows, “what?”

luke raised his hand in a thumbs-up motion, grinning from ear to ear, “love you!”

“i love you too, kiddo,” may replied, a hand over her heart. “now scram, i gotta clean up your mess.”

#frances writes #hermes will never beat the deadbeat dad allegations #poisoned mercury #luke castellan #luke castellan x reader #luke castellan fanfic #luke castellan imagine #luke castellan pjo #luke castellan x you #luke castellan x yn #luke castellan x y/n #luke pjo #percy jackson fanfic #percy jackson

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livwritesstuff · 3 months ago

Text

not exactly a happy one, and vaguely inspired by some stuff going on in my personal life

Eddie is pretty much constantly in awe of his oldest daughter Moe.

Granted, he’s in awe of all three of his kids, albeit for different reasons across the board, but Moe in particular because of how nothing gets to her. It’s kind of crazy, honestly, the way she can roll with the punches – it’s actually very Steve-like, and she's basically his double so that makes sense, but where Steve was doing it out of necessity, Moe seems to be innately unbothered by even the worst that life has thrown at her, and in all his years of raising her, there have been only two occasions where Eddie has seen Moe unable to immediately shake something off.

The first time was when the girls got their results back from at-home genetic tests and found out that Moe has a different bio-dad from her younger sisters.

The second time is now, after Moe learned that she didn’t pass the Bar Exam.

She didn't react great, obviously, and Eddie can admit his dismissive, "No way," when she told them probably hadn't helped at all but, in his defense, she made it through law school with as close to flying colors as one can get in goddamn law school, and she's been working her ass off studying for the Bar, so none of them had expected her to not pass. When she only looked blankly at her laptop screen for a moment before saying, "Fuck, I failed," as her head fell into her hands...yeah, Eddie sort of thought she was kidding.

"C'mon Moe," he'd continued after his entirely tactless no way, "Don't fuck with us about this."

And Moe had just given him a betrayed kind of look before shoving her chair out from the table and storming away.

A moment or two later, Steve had mumbled, "Shit, she actually didn't pass," sounding a bit perplexed as he looked at Moe's laptop like the big, red FAILED might suddenly change to something else.

They gave Moe a couple minutes before following after her.

“Hon,” Steve begins when they find her sulking (in the laundry room, of all places), “I’m sorry. I remember from my psych stuff what this shit is like. I get how –”

“No, you don’t!” Moe exclaims, “You don’t get it because you passed your test on the first fucking try even though you’ve got, like, brain damage or some shit.”

Moe misses the hurt look that passes over Steve’s face for a moment before he’s able to mask it.

Eddie does not.

“That’s how low the–”

“Alright,” Eddie interrupts, and he tugs Moe back by the hood of her sweatshirt, ignoring her protests as he begins ushering her down the hall and out the door.

He corrals her all the way out to the car parked in the driveway, opens the passenger-side door with one hand and shoves Moe into the car with the other.

“What the–” Moe protests.

“Can it,” he cuts her off, slamming the door on whatever retort she might have had for him.

Once he's in the driver's seat and the car is rumbling to a start, he turns to look at her.

“I understand that you're upset, Moe. I really do, but you do not get to take that out on Pop,” Eddie told her, “He’s way too good to you for that.”

Moe has the decency to look somewhat mollified even though she doesn't saying anything (which has always been a tell-tale sign that she knows she's in the wrong), and as Eddie throws the car in reverse and starts backing out of the driveway, she curls in on herself, leaning against the car door.

Eddie drives for a while with no real destination in mind (same as twenty-something years ago when Moe was a baby and Eddie would drive aimlessly around Cambridge in the hopes she'd maybe doze off).

After ten or so minutes of silence, Moe quietly says, “Literally everyone else I was in school with passed.”

Eddie glances at her, and does a double-take when he sees that she’s scrolling on goddamn Instagram. He reaches over to yank her phone out of her hand and toss it behind him into the depths of the back seat where it lands with a questionable clatter.

“Dad – what the fuck?” Moe looks at him, “If that’s broken now–”

“Then we get it fixed,” Eddie replied, “Or we buy another one. I don't care. Moe – when the fuck did you ever give a shit about other people?”

Moe gives a minute shrug as she looks away again.

“It’s been a point of contention with you basically since birth,” Eddie continues, “Seriously, it’s – and do not tell your father I said this, but it’s my favorite thing about you and I never want it to change.”

Again, Moe mostly ignores this.

"I get that this is disappointing and I get that it’s a setback and there's nothing any of us can say to make it better, but take it from someone who needed three tries to graduate high school — screw everyone else. Screw 'em. It's okay if something takes a little longer than you wanted it to.”

Eddie pauses, because there’s a lot he’s not saying here, stuff about how his third try at his senior year was hell on earth in pretty much every way possible, but how he also knows that if he hadn’t gone through it he wouldn’t have made life-long friends in Robin and Nancy. He wouldn’t have Steve and he wouldn't have everything about their life together the way it is today.

He settles on adding, “Sometimes you get a whole lotta good out of it in the end.”

After a moment, Moe actually nods, which Eddie takes as a victory.

"So...take the time you need to be disappointed or sad or angry or whatever. When you’re feeling better – or even when you’re not – you gotta apologize to Pop, okay?”

“Okay.”

Eddie glances at her again.

"You wanna stop and grab stuff to make margaritas?" he asks.

"God, yes."

#louder for the people in the back: You Are More Than A Test #steddie #liv’s steddie dads verse #steddie dads #steve harrington #eddie munson

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cowgurrrl · 5 months ago

Text

I Don't Smoke

Pairing: Javier Peña x fem!reader

Author's note: this hatched as an idea for @tightjeansjavi 's june writing challenge but it doesn't end as I thought it would necessarily but I kinda lurv it so (ps thank you @egcdeath for your help 🫶)

Summary: "Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you'll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you'll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small quiet room." aka Javi makes a reappearance in your life [8.6k (she’s a whopper)]

Warnings: canonical type shit

It's a random Friday in April 1998 when you're walking down the hallway of FBI headquarters and hear a familiar voice call your name. Not just any voice but a voice you came to know as well as you would know your own. A voice you loved. A voice you haven't heard in four years. You freeze in your tracks and take two breaths before you actually turn around to see him.

He smiles big as he approaches you, and you struggle to find the same response. His hair is shorter and styled nicely, and he's wearing a bureaucratic suit, which you know he hates or used to hate. He's broader than you remember and seemingly more confident. You're still tense, but once he's close enough, muscle memory takes over, and you hug him.

His cologne is different. For some reason, that tugs at your heart.

"Hey, honey," he says into your hair, squeezing you a little harder. You hold him for another second before remembering you're at work and let him go. "Wasn't expectin' such a warm welcome."

"Well, that's what happens when you see an old friend for the first time in a long time." You say and Javi smirks, scratching at the stubble on his jaw.

"'Old friend.' Is that what they're calling it these days?"

"It is when I'm at work and have a reputation to uphold."

"Right," he says and puts his hands up in defense. "Didn't mean to insult Ms. FBI."

"What are you doing here? Last I heard, you resigned." You redirect, making him laugh even though you just gave away that you kept up with him even after you broke up.

"Stoddard asked me to teach a few classes to incoming DEA agents. Figured it was a good enough reason to get out of Texas," he says. You step to the side to let somebody go by in the hallway, and that ever-wandering eye falls down your body. "You look great."

"You too," you adjust some files against your chest, suddenly all too aware of how heavy his gaze is, and glance around. "How long are you in town for?"

"A week. We should get drinks or something. Catch up." He says, and you laugh at the absurdity of it all. You're talking like you went to college together, and you're gonna reminisce about the good ole days over a few drinks. You take a deep breath and nod.

"Sure, Javi. When are you free?"

"For you? Any time," he says so easily your heart squeezes. "But, I'm around tonight. I can meet you at the bar across from the Hill after work?"

"That works for me."

"Alright, then. I'll see you tonight." He smiles and looks you over again before swaggering down the hallway and into one of the classrooms like he used to walk to your desk or into your apartment. Nostalgia and something bigger bubbles in your throat, and you swallow it down.

You've often wondered about what it'd be like if you ever saw Javi again.

You never expected it would sting as much as it does.

You force yourself down the hallway into your office and let out a big sigh as you bury your head in your hands. Your engagement is cold against your skin.

You should be planning a wedding. You should be debating which version of white the napkins should be— eggshell or cream— or fighting with vendors on the phone. You should be doing a lot of things in the two months leading up to your wedding. Getting drinks with your ex is not one of them.

You worked at the United States Embassy in Bogotá during the hunt for Pablo Escobar in the early nineties. You were a fresh graduate from the DEA academy and got shipped off the day after you passed all your exams. They needed bodies in chairs and on the ground doing work to end the drug war, and you just happened to have a pulse and the qualification. Javier Peña happened to have those same things. Now, he's known as one of the men who took down the most dangerous crime syndicates in Latin America, but, at the time, he was just Javi.

He was a little older, a little more experienced, and, by all accounts, a little bit of a slut. He had a wandering eye and a bad habit of sleeping with newly minted Embassy employees who didn't know better. You were warned about Javi and his brown eyes and swagger, but you couldn't avoid him. He was your coworker, for Christ's sake. So all you could do was remind yourself you were there for a job and try to ignore him when possible. What they don't tell you about being thousands of miles away from home and dealing with nightmare-inducing horrors every single day is that you start looking for comfort wherever you can find it.

You made bad decisions like smoking cigarette after cigarette, sneaking just a little bit of whiskey in your coffee, or letting Javi bend you over his desk and leave bruises on your skin as he buried himself inside you. One time, you told yourself. You'll do this one time to get it out of your system, and then you'll both move on. As long as it didn't interfere with work, you thought it was okay to fuck him once, but either convenience or care kept you reaching for each other for the rest of your time in Colombia.

You spent most nights at his apartment because it was a little nicer and it felt like it would be too real if he entered your space. For all his sarcasm and hard edges, he was sweet with you. He'd make you breakfast and drive you to work under the guise of carpooling. Over time, you started to learn all his little quirks and tells, and you looked for him first when the smoke cleared and the gunfire ceased. He started stealing files off your pile of paperwork so you'd have less work to do, cook your favorite meals, and was ready with open arms when things got to be too much.

The love was like everything else that happened between you: quiet yet all-consuming.

As the months stretched on and you only grew to love him more and more, you started to imagine a life with him. You were naive and had too much faith in the world, but you couldn't stop yourself. The daydreams of a house with a big backyard, a dog, and maybe a few kids to fill it kept you alive when it felt like not even the weapon attached to your hip could. You wanted it so bad. You told him how much you wanted it, and he agreed despite how fucking crazy it sounded out loud. Love allows you to be delusional to avoid the possibility of rejection.

And you loved him so much that you let yourself believe once Escobar was dead or in prison that, you could go home together and live a somewhat normal life. That he could give it all up. That you could make it work.

So you threw yourself into the hunt. You didn't sleep. You barely ate. You went from smoking a few cigarettes a day to a pack as you got closer and closer. Javi wasn't much better off, and you definitely enabled each other's behavior, but you believed so hard in this future that you thought it would be worth it in the end.

He got snappy, and you argued a lot. You both shut down so much that it's a miracle you could find your way back to normalcy. He didn't even tell you when he got sent to D.C. for questioning. He just disappeared. When you and Steve stood over Escobar's body on a rooftop in Medellín, you couldn't focus on anything but the blood splatter on the shoes Javi got you as an early Christmas gift. At the end of the day, your only thought was, "It's over. We can go home. We can start over. We can make something of this."

Escobar wasn't even cold when Javi accepted a new position in Cali.

Everything he'd seen and done, the things you counseled each other through, the faces that kept him up at night didn't matter as much as that job. He broke the news to you as you were packing up your apartment. "There's an opportunity out there for you, too," he said, looking at you with those big eyes. You almost folded, drowning in affection for him, until you remembered how many times he'd almost died or disappeared without a word or struggled so much he buried his memories between your legs or at the bottom of a bottle.

How could he want to return to that? How could he want you to return to that?

That's when you broke.

You don't remember exactly what was said during the argument, but you know it was bad. There was a lot of yelling and tears. You said things you didn't mean, and he returned the favor. It went on for what seemed like hours, back and forth back and forth, until you were exhausted and done negotiating. You gave him an ultimatum: come to D.C. with you and start your lives, or go to Cali. He chose Cali. You chose D.C., and that was it.

That had to be it.

You didn't talk much in those final days, but you did a lot of crying. The horrors he helped keep at bay threatened to suffocate you. You were a shell of a person, but you couldn't reach for him again, knowing he didn't love you enough to stay with you. You had the tiniest shred of self-respect.

So, the day you left, you gave his stuff back, and he drove you to the airport in complete silence, even walking you all the way to the terminal without saying a word. His final act of care even when you'd told him you hated him forty-eight hours earlier. You waited until the very last second to get on the plane, hoping he'd change his mind or you'd change yours. You were both too stubborn and too broken, so you wished him luck and left. You didn't even hug him because you were so scared you'd never leave his arms if you did.

Things happened fast once you were stateside again. Within a week, you found a nice apartment in D.C., transferred to the FBI, adopted a cat named Astro, and swore off dating. With all your experience in Colombia, you got your pick of jobs and workload. You avoided field work for a while and got stuck pushing papers around at your desk, but you got bored three months in and asked to go back out. Your first case back in the field had you dealing with a serial arsonist who may or may not have had ties to a terrorist group. You were examining the rubble of yet another building when one of the firefighters called your name.

Harry was tall and charming and trying to explain something about accelerants, but all you could do was watch his scarred hands as they pointed. You remember thinking he was going to be a problem. It took three more fires for you to catch your guy, and Harry would later say it took those fires to build up the courage to ask you out. "You were much scarier than any fire," he told you. He had soot on his cheeks, and the flashing lights made his eyes sparkle. There was something about that stupid New York accent that just made you melt.

You thought one date couldn't hurt. You thought it would help you adjust to your new life. When he showed up in a nice shirt with a bouquet of flowers to pick you up for your first date, you knew you were fucked.

You went on a second date. And a third. And a fourth. He was patient with you as you struggled to open up to him about your time in the DEA and never pressured you to tell him anything you weren't ready to. That Christmas, you went home to New York with him and met his parents and all three of his sisters. By the next spring, you, Harry, and Astro moved into an apartment halfway between each of your jobs.

You got into the habit of bringing him cookies when he worked overnights at the station and smelling his shirt when he got home because, more often than not, it'd still smell like smoke. He'd surprise you with coffee or flowers at work "just because" and drag you away from your desk when you've been staring at the same words for however long. When a bullet grazed you in the middle of a chase, he made one of his EMT friends drive him to the hospital you were at in the ambulance with the lights on so he could get there as fast as possible. He made it in seven minutes and started crying the moment he saw you lying in the hospital bed, even though you were completely fine.

For something as unexpected as this relationship, you guys work really well. He cooks dinner, and you wash the dishes at the end of the night. He looks at big houses in nice neighborhoods and humors you even though there's no way you can afford it with two civil servant paychecks. But, when you see him playing with your nieces and nephews, something so deep inside you aches that you think the life-long debt would be worth it if it meant he got to be a dad. You take time off to visit his family, and even though he thinks it's the most badass thing about you, he doesn't say anything about your involvement with Escobar until you accidentally let something slip during a barbecue. When work gets too much, you hold each other, cry, and make promises to stay alive.

He proposes to you on the fourth anniversary of your first date. You knew he would because you'd looked at rings together, but you blub like a baby anyway and almost tackle him to the ground in Rock Creek Park. You're deliriously happy as you celebrate your engagement and even as you start to plan the wedding. It's like you blinked, and suddenly, it'd been four years since you left Colombia, and you're living the life you dreamt about, just with a new person. A person you love so fucking much, you still get butterflies when he walks in the room. The ring on your finger and the way he casually drops "my wife" into conversation when he means "fiancée" only adds to the giddiness.

You can't wait to spend the rest of your life with him. So, why the fuck did you agree to get drinks with Javi?

You pick your head up and dial the firehouse number before your brain can fully devolve into panic mode. They might be out dealing with a fire, but you figure it's worth a shot. On the second ring, Jack answers with his gruff "D.C. Fire Station 19."

"Hey, Jack."

"Oh, hey, darlin'! How're you doin'?" He asks, and you swear you can hear him smiling. Jack is one of Harry's best friends and groomsmen, and he absolutely adores you.

"I'm good. How're you?" You ask, already feeling the weight come off your shoulders just from talking to someone.

"You know, I can't complain. I mean, I could, but I won't," he says, and you laugh. "You callin' for your lover boy?"

"If he's not busy, yes."

"Nah, you're all good. Well, listen, it was nice talkin' to you, sweetheart. I'll get him now." He says before yelling Harry's name through the station so loud you wonder if the neighbors could hear him. There's some shuffling and a quick "'S your wife" as the phone changes hands. The identifier makes you laugh and it's the first thing Harry hears when he presses the phone to his ear.

"Oh, you have no idea how much I needed to hear that." He swoons, and you make a sympathetic noise.

"Rough day?"

"No, I just miss you."

"You're so cheesy," you say. "I miss you too. A lot."

"You okay? You sound off." He asks, and you chuckle. Of course, he caught the tiniest change in your voice.

"I'm okay. I bumped into somebody I worked with in Colombia today, so I just… feel weird," you say, rubbing your forehead. You hear him shuffle like he's trying to move to a more private place, but the cord on the phone isn't letting him get very far.

"Good weird or bad weird?"

"I don't know. Just weird. We're gonna get some drinks tonight and catch up."

"Maybe that'll help," he chirps. "I mean, as much as I like listening to your stories, it might make you feel better to talk to someone who was there. Maybe get some closure."

"Maybe." You say. It goes quiet on the line, but you know he's there because you can hear him breathing and hear the distant sounds of the firehouse. You don't feel pressured to say anything; just knowing he's there breaks up the tension in your chest. "Chief is gonna have your ass if he finds out you're running up the phone bill." You tease, and he laughs.

"I'll just tell him I'm talking to my wife, and if he doesn't want me on the phone, then he should stop making me work overnights."

"Which I'm sure he'll take well."

"You're his favorite. I'm almost positive he'd install a whole phone just for you," he says. It's true, but hearing it still makes you smile. It goes quiet again.

You watch people mill around the bullpen from your office window and chew the inside of your cheek. You should tell him it's Javi. He wouldn't discourage you from getting drinks with him, but he knows your history with him. He should be in the loop. He's going to be your husband, for God's sake. But you also don't need him worrying about this while in a burning building or doing CPR.

"You know I'm not technically your wife for another two months, right?" You change the subject, and he hums.

"Yeah, but it has a nice ring to it. My wife." Even the way he says it over the phone makes you giddy.

"I can't argue with that." You say. He takes a deep breath, and you copy him.

"You're gonna be okay. Go get drinks with your friend and try to have some fun. Maybe invite them to the wedding if you get drunk enough and decide it's a good idea," he suggests, and you laugh at the idea of Javi at your wedding. "I'll be home tomorrow afternoon, and we can talk about it or not talk about it if that's what you want, okay?"

"Okay." You resolve and twirl the phone cord in your fingers.

"I love you."

"I love you, too. Have a good day. Don't be a hero."

"Wouldn't dream of it." He says. You wait another second to have him nearby before hanging up and looking out over the bullpen again.

You could not show up. You could go home, cuddle with Astro, and put on Sex and the City or something else to take your mind off the day. You could go to bed early and take Harry breakfast in the morning. You know his hair will be messy and a little darker than normal, but he'll still smile and pull you into his lap even though the guys tease him all the time about your PDA.

But you're also too interested in what Javi could have to say to do that. You owe it to yourself to get closure or answers or whatever the fuck he has left to offer you.

And then you'll never think about him again.

Easy.

It's a slow day filled with paperwork and pencil-pushing at the FBI. No bombs or killers or threats. Just meetings and emails and the dread about meeting with Javi all day. You linger around the office a little longer than you need to until you're almost late, and only then do you start walking to the Hill.

It's bustling with tourists dying for a peek at the cherry blossoms scattered around D.C. and the Suits you usually see trying to get home. The April sun feels good on your skin, especially after being inside all day, and you take a moment to watch the sun dip lower and lower in the sky.

All things considered, if Javi was going to visit D.C., this would be the time to do it. Spring is in full bloom, and the last dredges of winter only show up at night or early in the morning when it's still cold. People are constantly out walking their dogs or taking their kids to the playgrounds. It feels like the city has come alive again after such a long winter. You come up with a list of recommendations of things for Javi to do while he's here, even though he probably won't do any of them. The least you could do is give him something to distract himself from work.

By the time you get to the bar, the sun has nearly set, and traffic is a waking nightmare. You push your anxiety away and duck into the bar, searching for Javi's familiar eyes amongst the exhausted interns and law students. He's in the corner, scanning the space just like you thought he would, and there's a glass waiting for you at the table. His eyes light up when he sees you, and your chest aches.

He gets up to greet you with a hug and pulls your chair out for you like a gentleman. "Don't know if your order's changed, but I figured I'd make a guess." He says, gesturing to your drink as you settle across from each other. You smile and hang your jacket on the back of your chair.

"Thank you. Next round is on me," you say as you raise your glass to his and take a sip. "How was teaching?"

"It was fine. Although I wish they'd actually listen instead of just staring at me like I have a second head." He says, and you laugh.

"You're a living legend to them. Escobar and the Godfathers of Cali? You might be the most experienced person they've come across."

"I think I'm the person professors warn students not to be in the field."

"There are much worse things to be than a Javier Peña or a Steve Murphy," you say. "Besides, I think the DEA has bigger problems than a few rogue agents."

He shrugs and glances up when the bell above the door chimes, checking out whoever just walked in. He did the same thing when you sat in bars in Colombia like he was always waiting for a fight. You used to tease him about it, but the fact that he still does it makes you smile.

"Steve sends his love, by the way." He says.

"How is he? How old is Olivia now?"

"She's gonna be five soon, and they're about to have another baby. A boy," he beams. "They're all doing good. Steve runs training courses for FBI agents now and sometimes goes back to Colombia to liaise with their government. Connie works at a hospital, and Olivia's in Pre-K."

"Sounds like you guys talk a lot." You're pleasantly surprised. They were good partners, but they could barely stand to look at each other when things got tense. Not to mention Steve leaving the DEA at the same time you did.

"Well, when Olivia started calling me Uncle Javi, it was pretty hard to ignore him," he says, and you 'aw' at the idea of her little hands reaching for him. Uncle Javi suits him. "She's a good kid."

He fills you in on his work in Texas and asks about your transfer. You tell him what you can about your job and the annoying bureaucrats you hate working with. He seems lighter than you've seen before, not just because of the drink in his hand. His shoulders are relaxed, and even though he still has the instincts of someone working in the field, he doesn't get trapped in them like he used to. It's a nice change.

You're almost done with your first drink when he digs a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and offers you one. God, when was the last time you even bought a pack of cigarettes? It had to have been right after Harry came home from a particularly bad fire resulting from a stray cigarette. Three people died. After that, you couldn't pick up a cigarette without thinking about the seventeen-year-old who got stuck in the apartment. That must've been three years ago now.

"I quit," you say, and he raises his eyebrows at you.

"That's new." He says like your hair turned blue before his eyes, but pops one into his mouth anyway. You shrug.

"Sorry to disappoint."

"No, no, 'm not disappointed. Just surprised."

"Yeah, well," you sigh. "American cigarettes aren't as good as the Colombian ones."

"I guess that's true," he says as he flicks his lighter open and inhales until the end glows. Just as always, he politely blows smoke away from your face. "Alright, so you got a new job, a new apartment, a cat, and you quit smoking. What else has changed since I saw you last?" He asks, and your thumb immediately presses into the band of your engagement ring.

Well, it's now or never.

"I, uh... I'm getting married," you say, and his eyes fall to your ring. "In two months." He takes a big sip.

"Congratulations," he says. It might be the most unenthusiastic thing you've ever heard somebody say. "Who's the lucky guy?"

"His name is Harry. We've been together for a few years now."

"What's he do?" He asks in his interrogator's voice, and you give him a look.

"We don't have to do this." You say. Javi takes another drag of his cigarette and grinds his teeth.

"Do what?" He asks. "It shouldn't be hard to talk about if you love him."

"I do."

"Then, why don't you want to tell me about him?"

"Is that a serious question?" You scoff, and he shrugs. "Fine. What do you want to know?"

"I already asked you," he says. "What does he do for work?"

"He's a firefighter." You know it's a cliche: a cop and a firefighter, but you don't really care.

"How'd you meet?"

"First field case I had was an arsonist. He was one of the guys on site when I got there."

"Romantic," Javi muses, and you hum. You wait for him to continue bombarding you with questions, but the air gets thick, and suddenly, all you can do is take big gulps of your drink. You signal to the bartender for another, and Javi finishes his cigarette in silence. "Well, I'm happy for you," he says softly. He doesn't seem like he is, but you know better than to press him, so you just nod.

"Thank you," you say. The bartender drops two more drinks off at your table, and Javi raises his glass to you.

"Here's to you and Terry-"

"Harry," you correct, and he laughs, breaking up the tension that's settled. He took the news much better than you expected, but you're still waiting for the other shoe to drop. There always seems to be one waiting when Javi's around.

"To you and Harry and a lifetime of happiness." He says, tapping his glass against yours and taking a drink. "Now, tell me what you've been doing with the fuckin' FBI."

"Oh, you're gonna need to buy me a few more drinks before I start spilling government secrets, Peña." The name rolls off your tongue before you can stop it, and it brings you back to hot Colombian days and red yarn on a corkboard and his apartment. He raises his eyebrows like it's a challenge and smirks.

"Don't tempt me with a good time."

It's late and you're drunk. Drunker than you've been in a while. You didn't mean to. You just kept talking and drinking, and it felt so good talking to him after so long. Once you got through with the elephant in the room, it was so easy to fall back into the groove with him. You talked about Colombia and your lives outside of work. You even tell him the story of accidentally letting it slip that you used to work for the DEA after smoking a little bit of weed with Harry's sister, Caitlin.

You laughed together until last call and then argued over who would pay the tab. "Consider it my weddin' gift," he half-slurred, and you rolled your eyes and let him pay.

Now, you're strolling the empty National Mall, working off your buzz and elongating the time you have with him. You didn't realize how much you missed him until tonight. Despite everything that happened, you did have good days with him. Days filled with music and chain smoking and laughter. You'd like to get those back. You'd like that version of him back.

As you walk, you point out monuments to him and messily retell the stories the tour guide told you when Harry thought a walking tour of D.C. was a good second-date idea. You switch presidents and periods too much to make sense, but Javi listens anyway. Every so often, his warm hand will brush against yours, barely touching your skin but enough for you to notice when he does it. Neither of you say anything about it or break the flow of your conversation. Maybe it's for old-time's sake. Maybe it's because you don't know what there is to say. The night is clear and eerily quiet. The only sound besides your laughter and drunken stories is the chilly wind blowing through the trees and the clacking of heels from an exhausted-looking White House intern as she walks by.

Or, at least, it was until you stumbled across a busker by the Lincoln Memorial. The empty space echoes with the sound of his saxophone, and you smile as you get closer. There are a few other people milling around, and a few take turns throwing coins in his case. You've seen him playing here before, but you've never had the time to actually stop and listen. He's good. You wish you'd stopped sooner.

"You wanna dance?" Javi whispers in your ear, his breath fanning across your neck, and you furrow your eyebrows.

"Here?" You ask, and he shrugs.

"Why not?"

"Because nobody else is."

"C'mon," he tuts. "Live a little." He doesn't wait for you to say anything else. He just grabs your hand and pulls you a little closer to the musician. You sigh but let Javi hold one of your hands and rest the other on his shoulder. He smirks and you roll your eyes to hide the fact that you're shocked he wants to dance. With you. In public.

Sure, you had little moments where you danced in the kitchen, but never in public. Even then, it wouldn't have ever been his idea to dance. He's like a whole new person. You don't know how to feel about it.

What the fuck happened to him in Cali?

He spins you under his arm, and you do your best to follow his lead. You have two left feet as it is, something Harry has helped get out of your system, but the alcohol makes it even worse. You almost trip yourself but land against Javi's chest before you can hit the ground. He makes an oomph sound but doesn't do anything to push you away. You don't do anything to pull away.

The saxophonist continues playing, and the cicadas chirp nearby. If you listen hard enough, you can hear Javi's heartbeat. You think you'd know the sound anywhere. You memorized the rise and fall of his chest when you woke up from nightmares, and he was the one to calm you down. You used to count the contractions of the muscles in his heart until you fell back to sleep. It was often the first thing you heard when you woke up if bombs weren't going off somewhere in the city or your phone wasn't blaring with an emergency message from the Embassy.

And now, here it is again, unexpectedly thumping against you after four years, following the rhythm of the music surrounding you. Javi's warm as he tentatively rests his head against yours, and you feel his fingers flex around your hip. A mixture of his cologne and cigarettes invades your senses, and you can do nothing but ride the nostalgia wave until the song ends.

You pry yourself from Javi to turn and applaud the saxophonist, and he gives a gracious bow. Javi looks a little disappointed that the song is over but drops a ten-dollar bill in the saxophone case anyway.

"Didn't take you for a dancer." You say as you walk away from the Lincoln Memorial, and he shrugs.

"'M full of secrets now."

"I guess so," you say. You start walking toward your apartment, suddenly too cold and tired now that you're a little more sober. Javi follows, putting himself between you and the street and grazing your lower back whenever you cross the road. He's always been protective of you, even before you started dating. It makes sense he would still be, right? You're trying to make sense of the muddled mess in your head when Javi pulls his cigarettes out of his jacket, and you eye them. You must not be as discrete as you thought you were because he laughs at you.

"For someone who quit smoking, you look like you want a cigarette." He says, offering the pack to you, and you sigh. You take one from the middle and put it between your lips. Javi is quick with his lighter, and you lean into him just a little as you inhale. He watches your every movement like he's watching a miracle unfold before him.

You hate to admit how good the smoke feels in your lungs. After three years of not even looking at a cigarette, all it took was an offer and a quick puff, and you're back to the beginning. You'll start again tomorrow.

"Don't tell Harry." You say as you blow smoke away from him, and Javi laughs.

"What? He doesn't like you smoking?" He asks, looking for a reason not to like Harry, and you chuckle.

"It's not that. I've just heard one too many horror stories about a stray cigarette starting a fire." You say, and he hums.

"Is that why you quit?"

"Kinda. I also…" you start but then shake your head. "Never mind."

"What? Now you have to say it."

"You're not gonna like it."

"Try me." He says, and you inhale deeply, blowing smoke out of your nose. You think about telling him to leave it alone, but the alcohol and the pain in your chest tells you to say fuck it.

"I quit because it reminded me of you." You admit. He gets quiet. He takes a long drag of his cigarette and looks up at the stars as you silently spiral. You feel like you need two more cigarettes and a shot of tequila.

Javi has always had a special talent for making all your worst habits bubble to the surface.

"You're right, I don't like that." He says softly, and you nod. You walk a few blocks in silence. The only sounds are your shoes clicking against the pavement and the tiny crackling of your cigarette as you smoke. A siren blares somewhere in the city, and your stomach drops. It always does, but especially now.

Your fiancé is out there, putting his life on the line to save others because that's how good of a man he is, and you're getting drunk and slow-dancing with the man who broke your heart? You didn't even tell him it was Javi. What if something happens to him tonight, and you're out? What if you miss the phone call? Guilt gnaws at your throat like an angry dog, and you feel like throwing up. You swallow hard and stomp out your cigarette before it can get to the filter.

"I'm glad we did this," you say, trying to get things back on track. Javi gives you a weak smile. "I missed you."

"I missed you too."

"You know, Harry said there's a place for you at the wedding if you want it. I know you'll be back in Texas, but it could be fun. We'd love to have you," you say, and he shakes his head.

"I don't think that's a good idea." He says. You knew he'd say no, but it still stings.

"Just thought I'd ask." You say, and he nods. You're about two blocks away from your apartment, and you start fishing for your keys out of your purse when Javi stops. You keep walking, thinking he's going to finish his cigarette and pull out another one.

"Don't marry him." He says, just loud enough for you to hear, and ice floods your veins. Whatever alcohol left in your system seems to vanish, and you freeze.

"What?" You ask as you slowly turn around. Javi chews on his bottom lip and stares at you.

"Don't marry him," he says again. Something behind his eyes is familiar, and suddenly, you're the girl he couldn't leave Colombia for again. Tears prick in your eyes, and you shake your head. "You'll get bored in a few years, and you'll be stuck if you marry him."

"I love him."

"I love you."

"Stop," you mumble. He takes a step forward and cradles your face in his hands, tilting you up to look at him, and your jaw tightens. You wonder if he can feel it. "You don't love me."

"I do. I always have. I fucked up, and I'm so sorry for hurting you, but I'm here now. We can start over. I'll move to D.C.. I'll do whatever." He says in one breath like he's afraid he'll lose the courage to say the words out loud.

"It's too late." You say, and he shakes his head.

"No, it's not. We can go tonight. Anywhere you want. I-"

"You let me leave," you cut him off, years of frustration and heartbreak coming back up to the surface as you take his hands off your face. "I was drowning and you let me get on the fucking plane."

"I thought that's what you wanted."

"I wanted you to reject the position in Cali and come with me because I really thought you could at least try to love me more than your job."

"I couldn't just give the Cali position up." He says and you scoff and take a few steps away from him.

"But you could give me up," you say, throwing your arms up in defeat. "That's not love, Javi. That's having someone around to play with and throwing them out when you get bored."

"It wasn't like that."

"Enlighten me, then."

"Do you remember when Carillo died?" He asks and you take a deep breath before nodding.

Most of your memories of Colombia are muddled, but not that day. You were pissed Messina wouldn't let you go, but you were fine to let the Colombian police make the raid. Javi and Steve were anxious. You remember watching them stand next to the radio like guards and trying to guess what was going on in their heads. Javi's gaze lingered on you a few too many times to be an accident, and he smiled fondly at you. You joked about them paying for the drinks you'd have later to celebrate. Things felt stable enough for you to sit down next to Messina. You were halfway through a cigarette when the gunfire chattered over the radios.

It wasn't an ambush.

It was a fucking massacre.

They never stood a chance. The scene was horrendous. Hearing Messina call Mrs. Carillo to tell her what happened was worse. Steve, somehow, was able to go with Carillo, so he wasn't alone in transport back to Bogotá. You and Javi were the cowards who went back and drank until you stopped seeing the pile of bodies you felt responsible for.

Javi put his fist through the wall of his apartment when he got home that night. You wanted to cry but knew that if you started, you'd never stop and who were you to be crying? People had just lost their sons, husbands, brothers, and fathers on your orders. You didn't deserve to cry. It was the beginning of the end for you and Javi, but you clung to your idea of the future so hard, it had claw marks on it when you finally let it go and got on the plane.

So, yeah, you remember. You remember it all.

"I couldn't let that happen to you or anyone else ever again. It would kill me," he says. You're about to tell him it's not his fault, and it never was. It was shitty intel. It was a trap. It was a lot of things, but it wasn't his fault. That might be the only thing you can say for sure about that tragedy. "So, I put everything that wasn't work out of my mind and made bad decisions, and that's on me, but I never stopped loving you or believing in our future."

"Then, why didn't you fight for us?"

"I didn't know how. You were so…" He searches for the right word. "Sure. You knew you didn't want to go to Cali, and I couldn't make you stay."

"I would've if you said the word," you say. "Even though I was miserable in Colombia, I would've come back if you asked me to because that's how much I loved you. Even if you'd just called me after I got here, we probably could've worked something out, but I'm marrying the love of my life in less than sixty days. And I've never had to beg him to stay with me or give him an ultimatum and question if he loves me because he wakes up every day and shows me how much he wants to be with me. I can't walk away from that."

"Does he know what you did down there?"

"Of course, he does." You say, annoyance buzzing in your molars, and you cross your arms over your chest.

"Does he know everything?"

"You mean, does he know I've killed people?" You ask. "Yeah, it was super fun trying to explain that to him. You want to hear about how I hyperventilated through the whole thing, or do you want to ask me another question to try to undermine my relationship?" He purses his lips and shakes his head.

"No," he says. "I just don't think you know what you're getting yourself into."

"Fuck you, Javier." You spit. You don't know the last time you used his full name like that. Something about it feels wrong and makes your skin crawl. "You left one girl at the altar over a decade ago, and you think you know about marriage?"

"That's not fair."

"No, what's not fair is you coming here and making me feel like the bad guy for moving on. I deserve to be happy. I've worked, and I've cried, and I've fucking killed for it, and the second I feel like things are going my way, you do this!" You yell.

"I love you." He says again, like it'll change anything. The pressure behind your eyes returns, and you turn away from him, but he catches your wrist before you can. "Listen to me. I love you. I love you. I love you." He repeats over and over again, but all you hear is, "I love you, but I can't come with you." "I love you, but I need this." "I love you. Isn't that enough?"

You rip out of his grasp and punch at his chest with tears slipping down your face. He takes it, still saying that he loves you, and for some reason that hurts more. You push him hard and watch him stumble back, his brown eyes tracking the tears down your face.

"If you really love me-"

"I do." He cuts you off and you take a stuttering breath.

"Then, let me be happy," you beg. "Let me go. Please. If you love me, you'll do that for me."

You feel pathetic, standing there crying like he shattered your heart all over again as he just stares at you and thinks. You want to go home. You want this to end. You want to never see him again.

Maybe in twenty years, you could stand to face him again. You'll be happily married, and you hope he'll be, too. You'll have a few kids, and you'll tell stories about them and Harry will pull pictures of them out of his wallet. You won't hurt anymore. Maybe when your daughter goes through her first heartbreak, you'll find the courage to tell her about Javi. Maybe all this grief will be worth something someday. You want it to.

But right now, you're just the girl he didn't love enough to leave Colombia for, and he's not the man you love enough to marry.

He clears his throat, his own tears glistening in his waterline, and nods.

"Okay," he mumbles. "I'll tell Stoddard I had a family emergency or something back home. Get the first flight back." Your eyes flutter shut at his words, and you try to keep yourself from crying more.

"Thank you." You say.

"I love you." He says again, and you open your eyes. He's grinding his teeth again, and his hands are in his pockets as if he's forcing himself not to reach for you. You give him a small smile and nod.

"I know," you say. "I'm sorry."

Just as you did at the airport all those years ago, you stand awkwardly far apart, unsure of what to do now. He waits for you to change your mind. You won't. He'll get on the plane, and that'll be it.

He nods to himself one more time before turning to walk away.

"You do deserve to be happy. I've never doubted that. I wish I could've given that to you." He says like he's trying to convince you he's a good person. You sniffle and spin your ring around your finger.

"You did for a while. It's just Harry's turn to do that now," you say. "Goodbye, Javi." He opens his mouth like he's going to say goodbye or something else, but you turn your back to him and start walking toward your apartment before he can.

You figure, after everything, it's only fair that you get the last word.

You didn't sleep. You knew you wouldn't. Astro seems to sense your anxiety and cuddles into your chest, purring loudly to try and drown out your thoughts. You reassure her you're okay and kiss her head as the inky blue sky is replaced by a stunning pink and purple morning.

A good omen, you hope.

You force yourself to get up and get ready for the day. It's Saturday and a fire station breakfast day. It's never anything fancy: donuts picked up from a nearby cafe, greasy fast food breakfast, sometimes cold pizza. Today, you walk to a nearby bodega and pick up his favorite breakfast sandwich with two steaming cups of coffee before walking to the fire station.

It's cold, and D.C. hasn't quite woken up yet. It'll be a few hours before life returns as people sleep off hangovers or long weeks. That's okay. This morning is just for you.

The garage door is wide open when you get to the station, and Harry is perched on the back bumper with the firehouse dog, Maisie, whispering things to her. He looks tired. You don't think you look any better, but he still lights up when he sees you, and Maisie even starts wagging her tail.

"Hey there, stranger," you greet him as he pulls you closer and smirks up at you. "You have a good night?"

"No, but it doesn't matter now that you're here." He says. You would normally roll your eyes at his cheesiness but your chest fills with warmth instead. You lean down and kiss him. He smells like smoke but tastes like the chapstick you make him wear because of the heat. Maisie sniffs at the bag in your hand, and you laugh against his lips when she licks your arm.

"I think she's jealous." You say, and he sucks his teeth as he looks at Maisie.

"You have breakfast, you little terrorist." He reminds her but he immediately folds when she gives him that innocent look. "She can have one piece of bacon, but that's it. We need you trim to get up in the trucks, right?"

You pull a piece of bacon off one of the breakfast sandwiches and make her sit and shake before you give it to her. She crunches on it happily, knowing she's absolutely spoiled rotten. She makes space for you to sit next to Harry on the truck and you rest your head on his shoulder. "You okay?" He asks as he kisses your hairline, and you nod.

"Just missed you," you say. "I couldn't sleep last night." He makes a sympathetic noise and wraps an arm around your shoulder to tuck you further into his side.

"Were you thinking about Colombia?" He asks and you hum. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Not right now."

"Okay. You wanna hear about why our kids will never be allowed to buy candles ever? No matter how old they get or how much smarter they think they are than us?" He changes the subject easily, and you laugh despite the pain still radiating in your body. You know he'll be there when you're ready to tell him about last night, no matter how long it takes you, and you will tell him. Eventually.

"Hit me with it." You say as you unpack your breakfast sandwiches and pass him his coffee. Maisie wags her tail as you alternate between sneaking her treats and listening to Harry's story. He knows you're giving her extra snacks but won't ever stop you.

You sit there on the back of that dirty firetruck, talking and watching the sunrise together and debating on which version of white the napkins at your wedding should be— eggshell or cream— and know you'd do everything all over again if it meant this was the outcome. You love him with everything that you are and ever could be.

And as you eat your breakfast and soak up each other's presence, you find yourself hoping Javi could love someone like this someday. You believe he has it in him. You've seen it. Whoever ends up being the one to tie Javier Peña down will be lucky and loved.

It just wasn't meant to be you.

#tightjeansjavijunewritingchallenge #narcos fanfiction #narcos fic #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal cinematic universe #javier peña #javier pena narcos #javier pena x reader #javier pena fanfiction #javier pena fic #javier pena x you #javier pena imagine #javier pena one shot #javier pena angst #javi peña #javi p x reader #javi p fic #pedro pascal

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vengeful-horde-of-angry-ghosts · 1 year ago

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I think something to keep in mind regarding Kiriona and John's relationship, especially regarding the content of Kiriona and Ianthe's argument at the tomb, is what happens when they first meet. Yes, Gideon has a parent now! He's God! He gave her a new name connecting her to their culture and a commission in the cohort and made her his heir! Maybe he really is trying (when he's not drunkenly fucking his way through the cohort).

But the first time she meets him (during the Jerry Springer portion of the book), she sees the fight with Mercymorn and Augustine where he admits to lying about the cavaliers having to die. (As a cavalier who died, I think it would be totally reasonable for her to take this one personally.)

More importantly, she's angry with him for hurting Harrow. She straight up tells him, "Go to hell, Pops."

She watches Ianthe save him and says, "She got one choice, and not only did she blow it, but she blew it in such a huge fucking spectacular way that you would’ve been impressed had you not hated her for it."

Next sentence she calls John "the guy who had lied to everyone about everything."

Not a great first impression.

So back to Kiriona. She seems loyal enough. She plays the part. But she goes awol to get to New Rho first chance she gets (I don't believe for a second that John actually sent her there, especially considering there was no way to know they'd end up on the ninth. It has to be about Harrow, which Ianthe even asks.). She seems to me to be angry and defensive when she talks about what John has done to her body, her eyes "hard and dead and bright, like something that had been dug up" when previously they had been compared to Nona's eyes.

I feel like her loyalty to John isn't as secure as most people seem to think it is. If Harrow was disappointed by him as God while he still had his shit together, how disappointed must Gideon be to finally have a parent and it's John in his breakdown stage? Even Ianthe is disappointed by him.

I'm reminded of this exchange with Harrow in GtN:

“I need you to trust me.”

“I need you to be trustworthy.”

Given everything she's seen him do, I cannot imagine her finding John trustworthy. I can't imagine that a few months of playing happy families has changed that.

#only she's allowed to beat up Harrow #only she's allowed to save Harrow #i maintain that while she does have some familial feelings for John #her loyalty to Harrow supercedes everything #tlt #gideon nav #harrowhark nonagesimus #kiriona gaia #gideon the ninth #harrow the ninth #nona the ninth #gideon my beloved #kiriona my beloved #angry ghost thoughts

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cherries-in-wine · 6 months ago

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A sort of rant/review (mostly negative) of the tortured poets department:

English isn't my first language so apologising in advance for the mistakes <3

I don't think ttpd would've had so much criticism if it wasn't so hyped up by swifties and Taylor herself. Folklore and Evermore are my favourite albums and because Taylor put so much emphasis on how good the songwriting of this album is i thought i was going to love it. So my expectations were a more Lana del rey or the national kind of vibe, orchestral pop or psychedelic rock and it would be like a third sister to folklore and evermore. I've noticed that Taylor's albums are all starting to sound like midnights. 1989 is such a good pop album but 1989 tv sounds midnightified especially the vault tracks sound like they belong on midnights. As much as I love Jack Antonoff as he gave us some great albums i think Taylor desperately needs a new producer. I think the album is definitely "raw" in the sense that unlike the other albums that are super put together, in order and organised, ttpd is messy like a bunch of paragraphs from her notes app thrown together, it isn't essentially a bad thing, but if you're gonna talk about how ttpd required more song writing talent than any other album, it's pretty reasonable for people to be disappointed. I thought name was a reference to joe's group chat name and kind of poking fun at that, but oh no it's an actual fuking asylum and the whole idea makes me very uneasy. The reason why folklore and evermore work is because it's not from the perspective of Taylor but rather the people she's made up in her mind and because she is such a good story teller those albums sound awesome. Something about a straight cis billionaire white woman calling herself a tortured poet in all seriousness and romaticising asylums/electroshock therapy makes me so so so uncomfortable. I understand why swifties are so defensive and protective of Taylor, with all the shit that happened with Kim and Kanye but I feel like they think she's a god that can do no wrong, which is stupid you can like an artist but still call me them out their shitty decisions. The "oh you think her singing writing is not that good why don't you write something better" is such a stupid argument, this random person criticising Taylor isn't constantly referred to as the greatest song writer of our generation, she is. I saw a post saying "the biggest burn is that most songs are about Matty Healy and not Joe Alwyn" like excuse me but if my ex that I dated for many years just starts gushing over a slimy ass Nazi racist sexist pathetic excuse of a man, I'd go "thank god good riddance". What happened to "you are what you love" Taylor?. I really like some songs, but I keep getting disgusted when It clicks who they're about. "But daddy I love him" is a great song but it's about ratty Healy fuck off ew.

I have a lot more to say but my brain isn't braining so I'll update later lol

#Taylor Swift #the tortured poets department #ttpd #anti Taylor Swift #anti matty healy #anti taylor swift #ratty healy

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kanencrow · 2 months ago

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How would Lucy Maclean act like if her younger sibling (they/them) gets hurt while in the wasteland with her?

Just a Boo-Boo - Lucy Maclean | Headcanon

Summary: How would Lucy respond to her younger sibling (you) getting hurt while in the wasteland?

Warnings: Swearing, Blood, Needles, Descriptions of Wounds, Probably OOC Lucy Maclean.

A/N: Kinda gave some unnecessary lore at the beginning, but ultimately stayed in line with the original ask. Thanks for the request, Anon! Hope you enjoy!

Word Count: 2100+

Let’s say you’re, like, only two or three years younger than her, which would make you the middle child amongst her and Norm. But even then, your placement in the family lineup isn’t super important when it comes to how close you are to your older sister and younger brother. You guys are all cooped up in that vault, probably forced to be around each other more often than not, so you’re used to their presence. And you don’t find it immensely difficult to get along with them either, which is great for your dad. Because the last thing he wants – as the overseer – is for his star children to be the star troublemakers of Vault 33.

Norm definitely does stick to doing his own stuff most of the time, though. If anything, the residents of Vault 33 will find you and Lucy hanging out far more than you and your brother. It’s not that you dislike him. He’s just… different, and he seems to like his independence more than he likes being social with you and your sister or other people, which is something you can’t really blame him for. Living inside of a linear-like vault for the entirety of your life can become pretty exhausting. Especially when the people within it are overly friendly, to the point where it almost feels fake.

Hell, even Lucy has come to carry a similar demeanor to herself that the majority of the residents do. But you know her kindness isn’t something she’s pulled out of her ass. However, you can’t really say the same for the rest of the individuals that reside within your underground home.

But that’s besides the point.

Lucy isn’t a mean sister – she’s actually very doting and kind to you, which a lot of people are pleasantly surprised by. Feeling her pull you in by your shoulder and squeeze you giddily as she introduces not only herself but you as well to someone new to the vault. You’re probably the only sibling around at the time, so you’re subjected to being a greeter with her, whether you like it or not. Nonetheless, that new member definitely makes a comment about it. How ‘you two are so sweet to one another,’ with one of those tones that show complete and utter surprise, and you can’t help but crease your brow in confusion, because you don’t understand why her kindness would be so surprising.

If anything, it’s Norm you have to watch out for sometimes.

Your brother can be far too grumpy for his own good.

But that’s what makes him unique, so you can’t complain.

Overall, things inside of the vault were great, like you were stuck inside of a dream that you couldn’t wake up from. But, it was like the world could hear you actively thinking about how good things were one day, and that was when shit went awry. What with your dad deciding to pawn Lucy off to marry a resident of the vault you were neighboring, only to find out that it had been previously raided by bandits and the whole ‘marrying the daughter of the overseer’ thing was a ruse to get inside of Vault 33. That was a shitshow and a half. But, luckily, you had taken those self-defense courses with your sister which helped keep you and other residents safe, and it all worked out in the end, even if Stephanie ended up losing an eye…

And even if your dad got taken by the leader of the entire ordeal.

Lee Moldaver.

So obviously, that led to Lucy wanting to go and find him, and although Norm was more than willing to stay behind and hold the fort down, you were stubborn and practically forced her to bring you along with her. Unsurprisingly, she was reluctant about it. Saying how the wasteland wasn’t safe for you, but you – of course – you hit her back with a ‘well, it’s not safe for you, either,’ which ultimately ended up being kind of a gotcha moment for you, when she went quiet and seemed to look at you as though you had won the little debate.

And of course, you only ended up doubling down on your desire to go with her, when you mentioned something about ‘also needing someone to have her back,’ and she couldn’t necessarily argue with that either, so she let you come along, but you had to promise her to stay close and not do anything stupid.

Which, like… when have you ever done anything stupid?

Y’know?

Like… sure, there was one time where you might’ve schemed with Norm and put a harmless little bomb inside of a cake for your dad’s birthday, but that was one time. Or maybe she was referring to the time when you almost killed your cousin after you found out he kissed Lucy. But you were just being a protective younger sibling. Who can blame you for that? Like, seriously! Who kisses their relative? That’s disgusting!

Either way, you agreed, even if – deep down – you didn’t really think you were going to do anything stupid. But maybe that was something you shouldn’t have promised to her or yourself, because – just your luck – within the week, you ended up somehow getting into a tango with a fucking radscorpion. Honestly, you didn’t even know those things existed, and in your defense, it just flew up from the fucking desert floor and jumped on you as though you were its next meal.

That was not fun.

So, yeah. First week out in the wasteland sucked major ass.

And, honestly, it wasn’t even your fault that a radscorpion slashed your stomach and almost bit your face off. You were just trying to go to the bathroom one night, and just as you finished up and started making your way back, there it appeared. You swore your life flashed before your eyes as it jumped on top of you, and if it wasn’t for Lucy being a light sleeper, you probably would have died. But you didn’t. Your big sister was there to save you, which… wasn’t an entirely uncommon occurrence.

She couldn’t even kill it, either. That thing had major armor or something, because it still managed to move just fine after she unloaded an entire mag into its body. She did manage to steer it away though, while you laid on the ground and panted as though you had run a marathon. So, by the time it disappeared beneath the desert floor, she holstered her pistol and rushed towards you, far more focused on making sure you were alive, rather than scolding you for wandering off without her acting as a chaperone. She would do that later.

Of course, Lucy eventually helps you to your feet and takes you back to the little camp the two of you set up. And by the time you and her get there, she’s telling you – in nicer words – to sit your ass down and let her see the wound that the radscorpion created.

“I told you to wake me up if you needed to pee,” Lucy quietly scolded, while you winced and leaned back against the log, looking down at the way her fingers tentatively cleaned the gash on your stomach, the cut of which spanning horizontally from the right of your belly button to the curve of your waist. You probably shouldn’t have looked at it, because the sight of the open wound, all jagged and – hopefully – not radiated, made a wave of nausea wash over you. “Do you know how dangerous it is to wander around at night, Y/n? On the surface, of all places?”

Her words are pointed, like she’s trying to drill how stupid your actions were into your head, which makes you roll your eyes and move your focus away from your wound to stare out towards nothing. “I didn’t think one of those… whatever you call them would be lurking under the sand, Lucy.” Your own tone can’t help but become sharp, clearly annoyed by how incessant she is with her scolding, and even as a silence ensues after your words, all it does is make you more frustrated, which urges you to continue. “I could’ve died, yet you’re more worried about lecturing me than making sure I’m okay.”

You wince when she squeezes around the gash to rid it of any dirt that may have gotten into it, and as your fingers curl into the ground beneath you while you lean up against the log the two of you found earlier, your sister pauses momentarily to lift her chin up and meet your eyes.

You stare at her silently, sending her a look that conveys guilt and dejection, and it causes her features to soften, before you breathe in deeply and flicker your attention back towards your wound. But she continues to gaze at you, internally realizing her behavior, and after a short moment passes, you can hear her let out a quiet sigh, as she goes back to tending to your gash. “I’m sorry,” she mumbles, her tone – for the first time ever you think – portraying defeat, or disappointment, as she leans back on her heels and reaches towards her backpack to pull out the medical box she brought with her. “I was scared… and I shouldn’t be getting mad at you.”

You huff, but the sound is slightly humorous, as you shake your head and flutter your focus back to meet Lucy’s hazel eyes again. “You think?” you uttered, only to wince when a jolt of pain shot through your open wound, “I’m over here bleeding out and I have my sister scolding me for getting assaulted by a fucking radscorpion–”

“Hey,” Lucy says, her brow creasing, which makes her look like a mother scolding her child, “language, Y/n.” You immediately scoff at her words, and although you’re hurt, it still doesn’t stop her from smacking your shoulder, which causes you to flinch and let out a quiet laugh. “Since when do you know that word?”

“I’m an adult, Luce,” you remind her, deadpanning, “not five.”

Lucy purses her lips and lowers her eyes to focus on guiding the needle and thread she mindlessly set up towards your wound. “I would’ve never guessed… considering you were crying about missing home just last night.”

“Shut up,” you grumbled.

The days after your little mishap, Lucy loses the desire to scold you and focuses more on making sure you’re okay. Neither one of you have a stimpack, so it makes your healing process a lot slower than her own, like when she got stabbed herself during that bandit attack back at the vault. That’s definitely one thing she decides to mention, too. How you and her ‘are matching’ because you both share an abdominal scar on your stomachs. In a way, it’s kind of sweet, but at the same time, it’s also equally depressing to think about, because of the fact that you’re in this mess because of that raid in the first place.

Either way, Lucy makes sure to check on your wound every night before the two of you go to sleep. She always says something about it being her duty as your big sister to take care of you, but really, you know that she’s just worried it’s going to get infected. Last thing she wants is for you to die, and honestly, you share that same sentiment when it comes to her. It’s just the two of you out in the wasteland, working together to try and find your dad and simultaneously dealing with raiders, creatures, and cult members in the process, so of course your physical states are important to each other.

You and her even stumble across a Brotherhood of Steel soldier stuck in a power armor suit, and a ghoul who’s actively cosplaying as a cowboy. And that makes the wonders of the wasteland all the more intriguing. It’s a… weird time, up on the surface, but you and her try to make the most of it. Even if her constant desire to coddle you because of your injuries is starting to get on your nerves. Mainly because of the fact that she doesn’t let you go anywhere on your own now.

If she had one of those backpacks with the leash on it, she would definitely force you to wear it, but instead, she just settles on watching you closely or even just holding your hand when she can spare a moment to actually touch you. Always talks about how she can’t trust you to be alone anymore after what happened, which – again – wasn’t your fault. And you try to tell her that, too, but she’s not hearing it. Which is a trait that every older sister must have. The inability to see reason when it's coming from their younger siblings’ mouth.

You love her, though.

Even if she sometimes treats you like you’re five.

#lucy maclean x reader #lucy maclean #fallout x reader

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drdemonprince · 6 months ago

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how did you know that seeking institutional help was the right step to take?

For four years I was always in high levels of care. When I transitioned out of that, I was a "revolving door patient" to ip units living with a carer the rest of the time. I sometimes self-harmed or did other actions intentionally to get hospitalized during that time. I'm going to focus on mostly that because I don't want to get into the weeds of how different psych treatment programs are categorized and run.

I would say that my goal of being hospitalized usually was to change something in my outpatient life - let my therapist know I wasn't willing to do something, get my companions to let me go for walks alone, whatever. I'd get hospitalized or call the cops on myself or send scary texts to my therapist and then try to end my life, eventually being stopped. I didn't want to die, but if I could prove to them I was willing to, they'd listen.

Another person mentioned a desire for closeness+physical touch, and that was a huge part of it for me. i even got restrained sometimes just because I wanted any touch, which is something commonly heard from incarcerated people. I had certain nurses and other staff who I saw as my family, calling my therapist "dad" and interacting in a needy, childlike way with floor staff.

I also liked how much it pared down my life. I was in college at the time, and found the social habits of the other students confusing and overwhelming, so I'd get hospitalized to miss class.

what helped you trust the professionals or the institution enough for it to be beneficial to you?

i wouldn't say I trust any of the institutions, but some staff earned my trust. I was a scary mean noncompliant patient so the few who actually bothered to get to know me were usually moments away from some kind of burnout where they realized all this shit sucks.

One of the things they did that earned my trust was to share about their own mental health or addiction history. This is encouraged in sud places, but usually VERY discouraged in psych units, moreso the higher level of care it is.

Another big thing was to allow me to break rules or break them themselves. My ex-therapist used to meet with me for extra time, give me my DVD player when I wasn't allowed, etc. and it felt like he saw me as equal. Turns out he sucks. but. during the time he was treating me he definitely helped me a lot with my thinking patterns, so the trust still ended up benefiting me, even if the relationship didn't always. He also talked A LOT about his family and life outside of work, and showed me pictures, and I even met his dog once.

for me this is an example of why therapists are kind of. not great? because he earned my trust enough to help me, I was at his defense. I felt like not getting better was something I was "doing to him", and his displays of sadness (once something I'd considered a positive aspect of his self disclosure) became a way to manipulate me into the hospital when I didn't want to go, without having to resort to force or law. i agreed with the assertion of psychology that he knew me better than I know myself, and gave every part of my personality, personhood, to the medical model.

so yes it helped as in now when I'm suicidal or about to bpd-style destroy my every relationship I think "play the tape forward what happens next" and don't. which is lame bc it means most of the people who treated me get to leave patting themselves on the back about how well im doing now.

which kinds of institutions have been *less* traumatic than the others?

A few times I got to live in supportive group home style places, and those are kind of nice! It was cool to be in a place surrounded by other mentally ill people. Much less lonely. In general, places that let you outside independently, let you access food independently (e.g. no staff in the kitchen), and let you keep some secrets from staff are the best. My quality of life was 100% better when all the program heads knew we were vaping in our rooms but just let it happen unless someone started setting off alarms. Ditto with like, being able to stay up late on Devices.

Having that independence, a place for my sense of self other than being a patient, was sooo sooo helpful.

is it sometimes worth simply not being able to act on the ideation, even if it means putting up with lots of institutional bullshit?

I didn't find the hospital particularly good at getting me to not act, instead they just prevented the worst consequences. All three hundred stitches I got for self-harm were while I was institutionalized. But like, my nerve damage is less than it could've been. I am not sure how to evaluate if that's better than having just died, because I have no idea how much the institution itself caused self-harm and suicidality.

all things being equal, would it always be better to be able to stay at a friend's house instead?

yes

if you could get 24-7 company from a loved one, would that be better?

yes. however. i think it would be good if people had some information about how to talk to suicidal people. like... i forget the training. but its similar to what they teach helpline volunteers. thats its ok to say suicide. to ask if they have a plan. to ask if theyd be willing to get rid of the means. etc.

SORRY IF THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE TO READ

this is a wealth of information, thank you!

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mrbeastimagines-3 · 8 months ago

Text

Karl! X Gn! Reader

Suggestion: y / n

Reader pronouns: they/them

POV: First Person

TW: minor swearing, fear of thunder / storms

Story Size: Medium

Summary:

You and the crew (Jimmy, Nolan, Kris, Chandler, and Karl) were staying in a hotel for a video that you would be filming tomorrow. You were planning on exploring the city that night, but it quite so happened to rain, causing a power outage. Jimmy had the great idea of playing Truth or Dare in one of the rooms, which you and the others , you had no clue what was in store for that night....

~★☆★~

“great, it's raining?” I heard Nolan groan from the hall. Raining? I didn't even notice since I was so caught up in my phone. I glance out the window, and to my surprise, it was pouring buckets. "Aw shit!" I heard Karl cry, which made me jump in shock a little. "I was so excited for tonight-"

Oh right, Jimmy planned for us to go to this dinner place. I remember Karl being really excited when he first told us, for whatever reason. Ah, well. I got up to the hall, unlocking the crisp white door. Jimmy obviously overdid himself with the pricy hotel, even though we were only staying two nights. Anyways, I met back up with the boys and Kris. "Hey guys… so uh… what are we gonna do since... Y'know-" I ask, more montotoned than I thought. Kris shrugged. "I dunno. Jimmy?" She glanced over at Jimmy, who was just walking up to us. I stood next to Karl, who looked disappointed.

"Well.. There's always watching TV!" Jimmy suggested, right when a big boom of thunder crashed outside. Karl and I jumped, and all the lights turned off. Great. I've always been afraid of storms… I try not to show my fear, but I clearly fail, since everyone looked over at me in concern.

"Well uh…" Jimmy began saying, making no comment upon my sudden fear. "Why don't we play truth or dare?" He perked up, proud of himself for making such a great idea. "I'm down" Kris smiled, and Chandler nodded.

"Why not" Nolan agreed. They all looked over at Karl and myself. "I'll play! Y/N are you going to?" Karl softly smiled. "I guess... There's nothing better to do-" I half smiled back.

"Alright! Let's go to Y/N's room since they're the closest!" Kris shouted. "Wait why my ro-" I began saying, but then, gave up. We entered the dark room, rain still pouring and thunder still crashing outside. We could see well enough from the city lights that were still on, but I still found myself uneasy in this new atmosphere. Karl noticed this again somehow, making him inch himself closer to me. I tried not to blush.

"Alright, who's going first?" Nolan asked. "NOT IT!" We all screamed, pointing at our noses. We all laughed.

"Well Nolan, since you didn't put your finger on your nose, you're asking first!" Jimmy explained; which was funny since he explained it in his YouTube voice. Nolan sighed. I actually wanted to go first, but come on. You gotta make fun of Nolan any chance you get!

Nolan looked around. "Y/N, Truth or Dare?" He asked, looking down at me since he was on the foot of my bed. "Um... Truth" I said. Nolan smirked.

"Okay uh, would you date anyone in the crew?" Nolan asked, as Jimmy, Chandler, and Kris just looked at each other, entertained.

"Uhm..." I glanced around the room for a second. "Yes" I finally stated, giving no more information. It's true, if you couldnt tell by now, I had a crush on Karl Jacobs. It's been a while now. He's just so… ugh... Anyway, it was now my turn to ask.

"Karl, truth or dare?" I asked him, turning my head to my right so I could see him properly. "Truth" He said. "Okay uh... Who do you like-?" I wondered. He opened his mouth, but before he could respond, an even louder boom of thunder than before bursted through the room. I jumped, and without even thinking, cuddled up next to Karl, afraid. It was my defense mechanism I guess.

"Y/N are you okay?" Jimmy asked, concerned once again. This made me snap out of my trance. I noticed where I was, burrowing my face into Karl's chest. I opened my eyes and stopped nuzzling myself into his soft, silky shirt. "H-holy shit I-" I jumped up, look at Karl, my face completely red. "I'm so sorry It just sorta happened and-!" I started to say, quickly, and embarrassed, completely ignoring Jimmy's question. "No it's okay...! Don't worry about it." He turned away. I couldn't tell if he was embarrassed because he enjoyed it or embarrassed of me...

After we all calmed down, we continued our game, leaving Karl's question in the dust. This went on for hours, each of us slowly leaving the room to go to sleep. Chandler was the first to go, Nolan and Jimmy being the second (Jimmy had to drag Nolan out of my room, cause he fell asleep directly on my bed). Kris and Karl decided to leave too, since it was already 1 a.m, and we needed to get up early for our video shoot tomorrow. Right when they started to get up, the power turned back on. I heard Nolan scream some nonsense from his room, which made the three of us laugh.

After Karl and Kris left though, I snuggled up in my bed. But I just... Couldn't get comfortable. The thunder storm was over, but I didn't feel... Safe? With that, I got up, not even thinking. I inched towards Karl's door, quietly, slowly checking if the knob was unlocked. If it's unlocked, I'll go in... Was my logic. And to my 'luck', it was. I slowly creaked open the door, seeing Karl sitting in his bed, attempting to sleep. He was basically just staring at the floor.

"Karl?" I said quietly, making his eyes look up at me. "Y/N..! What are you doing here-?" He asked, patting down his hair so he could look presentable.

"I uh... Can't sleep" I mumbled, brushing my leg over my other and looking away. "But the thunder is over" Karl said, looking out his window he forgot to close.

"Yeah it's just…" I was about to explain myself, but I turned around to leave. "You know what, just forget it." I held back on his door knob, about to close the door. Karl sprung up, running up to me and grabbing my wrist gently. "No wait..."

I turned my face towards him. "Stay" He said in a soft, and sincere tone. "I-" Before I could decline the offer, he held my hand and brought me to his bed. "Here, I can sleep with you if you need a friend." He said, as we sat on the edge of his bed. "Wait that sounded weird..." he looked down, thinking his words through. I just giggled, which made him give me the most adorable smile I've ever seen. My face turned pink at the sight. His eyes sparkled with the moonlight that sprinkled through the window curtains. He then just stared into my eyes, and I stared into his.

"Y'know… I.. Well... That question you asked me at truth or dare?" He said, which made my eyes widen. He remembered?! "The answer is you" He blushed furiously.

"Wait you...?! You like me...?" I gasped, as he grabbed my hands. "Yeah." He smiled.

"I like you too" I grinned, and hugged him. We soon found ourselves cuddling on his bed, him wrapping his arms around me. "This is... Crazy... It feels like a dream..." He mumbled sleepily. I smiled.

"Yeah.." I said softly in response. "But... Even if it was a dream..." He muttered. "I'm glad it's with you... And... I'll always protect you Y/N, I promise..."

With that, we both drifted to sleep, in each others arms.

~☆★☆~

A/N: srry if this is bad or smthin! but ty for readinggg ^^

#mr beast #imagine #karl jacobs #karl jacobs x reader #dsmp #chandler hallow #chandler #kris tyson #kris #jimmy beast #jimmy #x reader #i love you

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peacesells-imbuying · 3 months ago

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Sami Yaffa with a girlfriend who comes off as blunt and uncaring but behind closed doors she's actually the sweetest and most affectionate girlfriend ever and actually gets really upset when someone says she doesn't love Sami, because she very much does. And one day someone gets mad at her for seemingly not caring or listening to Sami when in reality she is and so she just gets silently upset and Sami gets defensive of her. When they get home that night his girlfriend is just so upset so she's not as affectionate as usual. You can choose how Sami comforts her and in the end they just cuddle.

omfg I love u and this sm. 🙇‍♀️ Hope you’re doing great! thanks for the request! info blog | masterlist

The love you had for Sami was unbeatable. As a teen, you were labeled as very blunt and “unemotional”. No one bothered to know the real you, a kind hearted and caring person. Sami was the only one who broke your wall and tried to know you more as a person.

“Hey, look at that guitar isn’t it so cool?” Sami pointed at the guitar happily like a kid receiving candy.

“Not really.”

You said straight forward and Sami laughed got distracted by the other fans.

“Do you actually love Sami?” The questions you constantly get was so stupid.

“Yes.”

If you didn’t would you be with him? No.

“Bullshit. You’re so heartless and Sami is the opposite. I swear you only with him for the fame.”

The “fan” laughed at you.

“And you call yourself a fan?”

You scoffed walking away to find Sami. Fans like that made you sick. Who are they to question your love for him.

At home, you always gave Sami kisses and hugs. Which he loves a lot. Hell, you even bought him flowers or a new guitar whenever you received money from work. Sami had to stop you from purchasing something crazily expensive saying “spend it on yourself instead.” If he’s having a bad day, you do everything to make sure he relax and listen carefully as he rants. You were the listener and he was the chatter. That’s what you both loved about each other.

It was a Sunday, as you and Sami were outside. Someone was with you both, as usual Sami is talking. You didn’t utter a single sound, paying close attention to his words but to others you look really bored. Somehow this pissed off the other girl.

“You’re not even paying attention. Do you even care? Just fucking leave already.” They sneered with an awful glare.

No one said before. You stood there shocked and very upset. Sami’s arm was already wrapped around your waist. Pissed at the girl. “Leave her alone. You don’t know her like that, so stop assuming shit.”

“Sorry.”The girl walked away and Sami glanced at you with a slight frown.

Night arrived, you weren’t your usual self. Sami deeply frowned at your current state. He misses your hugs, kisses and yourself overall. “Hey” He sits next to you wrapping his arm around your body.

“Forget what that girl said earlier. Their opinions don’t matter at all okay? I know you do care and love me. No one can change that fact. They don’t know the real you.” He kissed your and placed your head on his chest.

“Love you.” You whispered.

“Love you too.” Sami smiled. Ending the night with a cuddle.

#80s #fanfic writing #request open #hanoi rocks #sami yaffa #fem reader #sami yaffa x reader #peacesells-imbuying writing

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y2kbugs · 1 year ago

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Why Rincewind deserves your love

Tumblr loves characters like Rincewind right now. The sad, weary one who really doesn't want to be here but does it anyway cause no one else bothered, and is often vulnerable, cowardly, and a weakling compared to everyone else. In other words, the pathetic wet cat, the poor little meow meow.

Vimes is also a perfect example of this archetype, he's there and he's great, but Rincewind to me is a sort of hidden gem bogged down by the author's early writing and the struggle to live up to those later, more deep characters. It doesn't really help that Pratchett also got bored of writing him, and only felt obligated because he had fans (which in a way sounds like Rincewind himself), but...

The first two books aren't even bad. The only thing I'd say is that TCOM has some confusing writing going on and feels more like a collection of stories but it's good and could be better if rewritten. Rincewind is a wonderful character and Twoflower is a delight. TLF is a definite improvement writing and character wise and gives development to Rincewind.

He's not "a weak character who doesn't do anything but run". He is not badly written. He is a character who does not want to be the hero but does it anyway. He has deep empathy and believes that throwing your life away for a good cause is inherently selfish rather than selfless (and! he does this himself, kind of. He does make a sacrifice to help somebody, but he lives).

He isn't stupid. He might be the smartest character in his books, but that's more because the other characters are relatively kind of dumb. The only thing he's really bad at is being a wizard, that's it. He's not a good wizard, but he's a great strategist, he knows a lot about magic, knows almost every language on Discworld and this was how he got to know Twoflower in the first place. I would call him an average intelligence and very high wisdom character in DnD. He's intensely rational and will point out gaps in reasoning and logic. He might be a pessimist, but he has experience and he's going to use that.

That's not to say he doesn't make mistakes. He absolutely does, but making dumb mistakes is much different from willful and sheer ignorance which he does not display.

His hat says "Wizzard" because it's supposed to be a pun on "he can't spell", and it's highly unlikely that he actually misspelled it not knowing the actual spelling considering he reads a lot.

He is very, very defensive and adamant about his identity as a wizard. It's pretty much everything to him and he has a crisis whenever other characters mock and have general distrust of wizards.

He's done the following:

Beat the shit out of an eldritch horror until it ran away from him (TLF),

forced an extremely powerful spell out of his head with sheer will (TLF),

Defeated the most powerful deceased wizard possessing a magical staff with only a brick in a sock, and took both himself and the wizard's son into the Dungeon Dimensions, where he fought back creatures to allow the boy to escape. (Sourcery)

Gave the boy a speech about how it's important to not let anyone define who you are as a person and no one should have to tell you what to do (Sourcery)

Used a whole terracotta army to beat an entire army, and succesffully intimidated them via psychological tricks. (Interesting Times)

Brought rain back to Fantasy Australia and talked back against Death who convinced him to give up. (TLC)

Maybe he's not the most sympathetic character, because he's not chivalrous or manly. He has no bravery and freely admits to being a coward, he's kind of a jerk who cools down as time goes on, and he's selfish enough that he thinks being selfless is a total waste of time and is selfish in itself. He's a cynic and a pessimist with a worldview shaped by his terrible experiences on Discworld, but he's very well-traveled even against his own will, and from this experience he knows precisely how to get out of danger, how to outsmart an individual (or a whole army) and more.

He's shown empathy. Being tired at the world at large and not liking the other wizards very much but going out of his way to save the world from a wizard gone rogue anyway because nobody else bothered to and he's angry, saving a boy from his abusive father's power and diving headfirst into the Dungeon Dimensions, trying to convince an "army" of mostly children why trying to fight against a legitimate army of warriors is a horrible idea and will only get them killed, Helping some thirsty sheep out to get access to water despite not needing to, bringing rain back to Fantasy Australia even though he could have given up and gone home at any moment, being made a "test subject" for the wizard's project in creating Roundworld/Earth, learning aabout the life on there over millions of years and talking about how hard it is for life to grow on there in its earliest millions of years, teaching Roundworld inhabitats the importance of art and creativity not only to outsmart the elves but because he wanted to (while the other wizards considered him stupid for this idea).

And he doesn't want to be a hero, he has no obligation to and is perfectly happy just being alone in the library and reading old books. He wants a life of peace and quiet and nothing life-threatening, but unfortunately he's pushed into these situations. Often though instead of simply resigning himself and giving up altogether, he sucks it up and goes and does it anyway with the expectation that he can go home in the end. That, and by now he's already expected this is his role: to fix shit and go home, even though he'd love to have someone else do his job.

It rubs me the wrong way to see people call him one-dimensional or just "the guy that is scared and runs away"...That to me is like simply calling Vimes "the depressed cop who drinks a lot" or Granny Weatherwax "the old witch who kicks ass". Of course the character will seem one dimensional if you describe them that way. Vimes is better written overall and gets better development for sure, which is also what his character is built for, as well as a more serious story that doesn't lend itself as well to basically slapstick. Rincewind isn't built for overcoming his fears, but rather his selfish attitude and to finally find peace with himself, and he works as a comedic character while also balancing out the fact he can be anything other than a clown or coward.

He gets what he always wanted in the end too. Pratchett might not have wanted to write him anymore, but instead of simply putting him on a bus, he gave Rincewind a position at Unseen University, only dampened by the fact the other wizards clearly don't respect him, therefore he can't really be a professor as a job, but he doesn't mind. In fact, he loves that. He gets free food, a quiet place to stay, and has zero obligations. He's happy, and the last thing we know of him is that he's studying the effects of plants on the nervous system (Raising Steam), and he's very important in the Science Of Discworld series, initially being a test subject and later being the "to go" for information about Roundworld/Earth, even getting to keep the globe in his room.

#discworld #rincewind #this initially started out all casual but then it got long and essay-like as i am prone to writing #i probably got things wrong...correct me

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xoxoladyaz · 11 months ago

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Krampus Baby

Me: we should write a cute little holiday blurb to publish on Christmas Eve, maybe something Hallmark-y, maybe some mistletoe -

Also Me: KRAMPUS EDDIE KRAMPUS EDDIE KRAMPUS EDDIE

So that's what we've got for you today, my lovelies!

CW: BDSM, allusions to punishment, brief descriptions of sex, implied future monsterfucking

“Babe, this isn’t what it looks like!”

“Oh, really? And what exactly does this look like, Eddie?!” Steve stood in the doorway to Eddie’s all-purpose-game-room-slash-music-studio-slash-office and glared at him, his arms crossed tightly across his chest.

Eddie shot a frantic look at the guys. Gareth and Phil were very conveniently looking elsewhere (the traitors). Jeff, who was the only one brave enough to make eye contact with Eddie, just shook his head slowly. “You’re on your own, dude.”

Well, shit.

The truth is, Eddie knew he was the only person to blame for the situation he’d found himself in. But in his defense, it’s not like there’s a manual that you get when you become a Krampus that says “hey, here’s how you tell your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/spouse/whatever that you’re a Krampus, meaning that you spend all of Christmas Eve travelling around your assigned region and birching people that Santa/Jesus/someone says needs to be scared onto the straight and narrow.”

Well. Maybe he could have just led with that and gone from there?

Fuck, this would have been so much easier if he’d just agreed to be a Santa but no, his dramatic gay eighteen-year-old born-in-the-North-Pole ass just had to pick the more flamboyant career option. And sure, it was fun for a while – he’d always had a flair for theatrics and performing and every December 24 he gave the performance of a lifetime – but after about ten years of birching undeserving creeps he’d realized hey, maybe something like this could be fun the other 364 days of the year with humans he actually liked (or, ya know, that he at least thought were hot and wanted to get off with.)

And so Eddie the Krampus became Eddie Munson, training Dom at the Hellfire Club, and after twenty-seven years of walking this earth, he finally felt like everything in his life had fallen into place. Naturally that’s when he met Steve Harrington, a bratty little prince with perfect hair and an even more perfect ass and fell madly in love – far past the point of no return, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars. He’d never really given a lot of serious thought to love or dating or anything like that because, you know, the whole Krampus thing, but from the moment he laid eyes on Steve his entire world had shifted to orbit around his beautiful, delightfully dorky, somewhat clueless human. Even more incredibly, Steve seemed to feel the same way because he'd given Eddie a key to his house after only four weeks of dating and happily reorganized his home so Eddie could have his own space and fuck, Eddie was going to marry this human and make him immortal and traipse all around the world with him until it was time for him the next generation of Krampus’ to take over.

(Krampusses? Krampusi? Krampussies? There really wasn’t a great plural form of his job title, was there?)

Right, it was a great plan, no, it was a perfect plan, because nothing could be better than almost-eternity with Steve. There was just one teeny tiny minor flaw with his plan, that being the fact that he, uh, forgot to tell Steve.

And now it was December 24th, and Eddie and the guys had finally gotten home from a long night of birching (which wasn’t really fun anymore now that Eddie got to punish someone he loved in a very, very fun way almost daily) and were unwinding with a beer when Steve had stormed in – Steve, who was asleep when Eddie left.

Steve, who was now seeing Eddie in his Krampus form for the first time (along with Jeff and Gareth and Phil). Steve, who looked angrier than the time that Eddie tried to experiment with forks in all of the electrical outlets in their house.

Steve, who was probably the first human to ever cause a Krampus nightmares.

“I can’t believe this. I seriously cannot fucking believe this, Eddie - ”

“Look, baby, I know this looks kind of crazy,” Eddie started slowly, extremely conscious of the way his horns protruded out of his hair, of the soot on his furry legs and the loud clopping sound his cloven hooves made as they tapped nervously on the floor. (He’d never felt bad about how he looked in this form; hell, he even thought he looked kind of hot. Not everyone can pull off the whole “burning-red-eyes-and-weirdly-long-tongue” thing like he could. But now that he found himself caught in Steve’s fiery gaze, he wanted nothing more than to disappear into a tiny ball, to make Steve forget that he’s ever looked like this.) “And I was meaning to tell you, I really was, but - ”

��Oh, really?” Steve scoffed, narrowing his eyes at Eddie even further. “You were meaning to tell me that you were punishing other people, is that what you’re trying to say?”

“ – wouldn’t believe me anyways, I mean, most people don’t believe in Krampus – wait, what?” Eddie cut off as Steve’s words worked their way into his brain. “I – what?”

“You heard me,” Steve scoffed again. “You just forgot to tell me you’re punishing other people? Even though we’ve been exclusive for almost a year? Even though you moved into my house?!”

“I – Steve, wait, it’s not like that - ”

“Oh, really,” Steve repeated himself, “so you didn’t spend Christmas Eve running around and whipping people who aren’t me?”

Eddie shot another look at the guys, all of whom looked as shocked as Eddie felt. (Except for Gareth, that little fucker was grinning like this was the funniest thing he’d ever witnessed.) “Steve, it’s not - ”

“It’s not like what, Eddie? It’s not like you threw a fit the one time someone else tried to Dom me but apparently that doesn’t go both ways! Apparently, I have to share you! You better not be fucking them, Eddie Munson,” Steve seethed, “because I swear to God – ”

“No, no, no! Steve, I wouldn’t, I would never,” Eddie raced out, cautiously stepping closer to his boyfriend. “And it’s not – it’s not like us, okay, it’s literally just punishment and nightmares and stuff. Most of them won’t even remember me tomorrow!”

“Oh, but some will?”

“I – maybe?”

“What Eddie is trying to say,” Jeff saved him by jumping in, “is that this is just a job for us, man. It’s literally just a job. We really don’t get that sort of enjoyment out of it. Hell, most of us aren’t even in the lifestyle outside of this.”

“Yeah, Eddie’s just weird,” Gareth snickered, although he sobered somewhat when Eddie turned to glare at him.

“He loves you, man. He wouldn’t cheat,” Jeff finished. “That’s not what this is.”

Steve huffed, although the crease in his brow had softened somewhat. “You’re really a Krampus, then? And the horns and shit are real?”

“Yeah – yeah, super real, see?” Eddie said, grabbing hold of his horns and yanking them as hard as he could. Ouch. “This is just my Krampus form. I, uh, don’t wear it out all that often.”

“But you have horns.”

“Uh, yeah,” Eddie replied nervously.

Steve’s face went through a few emotions before settling on angry. “You mean I could have been holding onto your horns the entire time we’ve been fucking?”

Eddie heard the sound of someone choking loudly behind him, but he didn’t have the brain space to care about that; in fact, the only brain space he had was completely overrun by images of Steve on his back, hands gripped around Eddie’s horns as Eddie drove him further and further into their bed. “I, uh - ”

“Well,” Steve cut off his blabbering with a cold look, “since it’s Christmas Eve and all, I might as well do a little punishing of my own.” He turned on his heel and stomped out of the doorway, pausing briefly to yell back over his shoulder. “You’re sleeping on the couch!”

“BABE!” Eddie whined back, stomping his hoof on the ground. “Until when?!?!”

“Until I say so!” Steve hollered as he disappeared out of view.

“That went well,” Gareth said drily once Steve was out of earshot. The sound of their bedroom door slamming echoed into Eddie’s man-cave and all four Krampus’ winced.

“Yeah, good luck getting out of that one, man,” Phil said, and with a nod he disappeared in a cloud of smoke. Gareth snorted and followed suit, leaving Eddie and Jeff standing alone.

“Honestly, I really think it could have gone worse. You might need to speed up the timeline on that ring, though.” Jeff clapped Eddie on the shoulder. “Unless you have another plan.”

“Oh,” Eddie replied slowly, quietly, a maniacal grin spreading across his face. “I have a plan, all right.”

“Yeah, that doesn’t worry me at all,” Jeff rolled his eyes. “It’s your funeral, man.”

“Mmm,” Eddie hummed, thinking about the brand new switch he’d purchased for Steve – one of his many, many gifts for the man. “At least I’ll die doing what I love.”

“And that is?”

Eddie smirked even wider. “Why, punishing Steve.”

#let me know if you wanna see steve get punished #because I am having some THOUGHTS let me tell you #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie #steddie fanfic #steddie fic #steddie holiday fic

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