#which will fuck all y'all one day
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To My Beloved iPod (2018ish-2023)
RIP IPod nano 7th gen. I kept you alive as long as I could since I bought you at the Good Pawn Shop to replace the 30-second battery life iPod nano the other, Bad Pawn Shop sold me and would not let me return. (The Good Pawn Shop died in Covid, the shitty one, of course, survived). You lasted lo these many years, the last few of which have required me to use increasingly elaborate elastic band combinations to get you to attach to the cord. But now, no matter what I try, it's like an essential catch is gone and the cord flies out like a greased pig. I can no longer charge you, much less add new podcasts, and this is thus the end. You represent the era before enshittification destroyed the music business. You existed before Spotify, which will one day erase everyone's music that they don't own and don't even rent, because it can—and anyone who thinks otherwise hasn't been paying attention. You represent an era in which 'having a data plan' (at brutal Canadian prices), wasn't assumed, and I was not treated like an idiot for not shelling out the hundred+ dollars a month to have one just to stream music while paying a rental fee to not own it. You represent an era before it was expected that I would want an overpriced smartphone to do everything poorly—a poor phone, a poor camera, a poor Mp3 player. An era in which I could want to listen to music or podcasts without being interrupted by emails or texts or phone calls or a dozen other notifications—when I was allowed to 'unproductively' be alone with my self and my audio of choice. You represent the last era where it was okay to own things, before neo-feudalism became the 'smart' tech-savvy thing we were all supposed to embrace and everyone wondered why I looked at them with such contempt: given what is now happening with video streaming, I was right, and I remain right, and I was never wrong. I have spent some sum on a knock-off, because replacements are now either the nightmare roulette of second-hand ebay gambles or unopened mint-condition $300 money grabs. I will have to come to terms with ending 20-odd years of iTunes—which hasn't been a good program since 2010 at the latest but I was used to it, damnit, and part of the enshittification is that nothing is allowed to last. A few months ago my pop-corn maker died: it was older than I am, dated from my parents wedding, and had outlast that marriage by over 25 years. Young people won't understand: things used to last. You bought something on the guarantee it would last you many, many years. when you bought it, you owned it, and no one in a C-suit could take it away. And, if it broke, it could be repaired. All of that is dead. We let the tech companies kill it because we kept wanting newer, shinier things. More 'convenience.' Not quality. Not longevity. Just ease. And they have fucked us and our world in thanks. iPod, you did nothing for me but play music and podcasts. It was all you needed to do: not play movies, not have games, not have a browser, or a webcam, or connect me to social media. If we want to improve the world we need to make such things again: items that do only what they need to do, and do that well, rather than accepting a device that does 30 things poorly and thinking it is a good compromise because it is 'convenient' and 'easy.' It just lets capital sell you garbage it won't even let you keep. Ave atque vale, iPod. See you at the crossroads with those who went before: tell them that in my memories, they live on forever.
#music#spotify#which will fuck all y'all one day#ipods#mp3s#mp3 player#ipod#enshittification#streaming
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there is not enough femslash in batcest circles. the girls deserve to be just as weird about each other as the boys are. if BruDick gets to be weird father/son/brothers/lovers/friends/rivals/soulmates then it is only fair that Babs/Cass get to be mother/daughter/sisters/lovers too. Something about that deep intrinsic but undefinable love that is born out of trauma, especially if you consider Cass not knowing what healthy love looks like in the first place. i think it's fun and deserves just as much fandom content.
besides that, you can get even more niche with rarepairs like Helena/Steph. Huntress/Spoiler: Blunt Trauma is already a fantastic comic and even though it's their only real canon interaction it has so much potential. very comparable to TimJay in how Helena tries to get Steph to understand her morals and the corruption you could play with it.
batman: huntress/spoiler: blunt trauma (1998)
that comic also highlights on how both Steph and Helena are outcasts of the Batfamily and don't have the approval of Bruce to be doing what they do in "his city". I think there's so much Potential in Helena taking Steph under her wing because Bruce won't let her in and it becomes a weird codependent toxic sapphic mess. I think the protectiveness Helena feels over Steph from the get-go is so clear and the way she wants to look out for Steph, wants to make sure Steph understands the real world? I love them. Helena should be allowed to steal Steph, actually. I think it'd be fun.
there are a lot of other possibilities too like Babs/Steph or even getting weird with Helena Bertinelli/Helena Wayne and the existential question of "is it selfcest or not." But these two specifically live in my head rent-free, especially Helena/Steph and one day I'll convince everyone else to ship it too.
#batcest#necrotic festerings#how do i tag ships that are almost non-existent#helena bertinelli x stephanie brown#cassandra cain x barbara gordon#as resident huntress fan my answer to the is helena w/helena b selfcest depends entirely on which version of helena wayne you're using.#pre-crisis!helena wayne/pre-flashpoint!helena bertinelli? yes i agrue is selfcest adjacent at least#because helena bertinelli was meant to be an adaptation of helena wayne#if it's jsa (2022)!helena wayne then it's *not* selfcest because they co-exist in the same universe#and according to current lore helena wayne was named after bertinelli and took the name huntress in her honor#which is a *choice* for sure but that's a different post#i still think shipping them is super fun in a “don't meet your heroes” sort of way with helena wayne time travelling#and then potentially running into bertinelli and realizing she's not what wayne thought she was and it being weird toxic shit#as for new-52 helena wayne. i do not acknowledge her and will not comment.#*god* I hate new-52 huntress.#(imo it would be selfcest tho bc they tried to make helena wayne a bertinelli clone. so. there's that.)#i'm going to write a helena/steph fic some day and none of you bitches can stop me#yeah yeah we have stephcass but y'all have sanitized the fuck out of that to convince yourselves it's not batcest and that made it boring.#and helena/babs is neat and all but i prefer helena/zinda when it comes to BoP ships#i should've included panels for cass/babs but it's been a while since i read batgirl (2000) so none immediately came to mind#i have a *lot* more helena/steph thoughts but no braincell to word them. know i will talk about them again.#they got one whole comic and now i won't let them go#also cass/helena is fun for combating morals and the complicated batgirl mantle#cass wears the batgirl suit *helena* made y'all think i can't make that romantic bc i can and will#if we have robin pile then give me batgirl pile#babs/helena/steph/cass hell throw in bette too.
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ramble about ur favs i wanna hear abt ur thoughts -zaptrap
HAN’S INFODUMPING ABOUT JAY... START!!!!
so like sgdkdhdkdhd I say Jay and Lloyd are my “favorites” but honestly it’s so hard to pick favorites out of this skittles squad like I love EVERY character for a variety of different reasons. I was going to also infodump about Lloyd but then I started talking about Prime Empire and then this post got. Long. So. it's just Jay I may infodump about Lloyd another day especially since I'm very Conduit Brained Rn but yea yea!
this is long so i'm putting most of it under the cut so y'all don't kill me for making a huge long post
I considered putting Zane and Sora on here as well since I’d also consider them my “favs” but like this is already gonna be. A lot of. Infodumping (also i typed THIS part before I even started and decided not to yell about Lloyd because this already got long enough). Maybe I’ll make a separate post for those two hmm hmm much to consider but for now MY (technically) FAVORITE NINJAGO CHARACTER: JAY WALKER
THE SPARKPLUG WHO INVADED MY BRAIN LIKE A PARASITE
so hey his name is a pun this makes me laugh ridiculously hard every time I remember he is named. After a misdemeanor HSKSHDKFH
Jay is such an interesting case of a character for me because I started out the show not liking him. Which is. Stares at my entire account I think my feelings have changed somewhat
Jay starts out as an asshole I don’t think anyone can disagree with me there (although honestly they’re all assholes in early ninjago they bullied a ten year old and left him dangling several feet off the ground) but over the course of the show you can see him start developing into a much more interesting character. He goes from being so insecure he's faking everything about himself to someone who knows who he is and is so genuine about it
now yea we could argue about whether his character was too uwu-ified post-season 10 but this is the FUN HAN POST SO WE'RE NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT THAT the point is you can SEE the growth that Jay has gone through and I am going to show you that growth through what I call
✨ The Skybound to Prime Empire Effect ✨
I AM SO PASSIONATE ABOUT THE IDEA THAT PRIME EMPIRE WAS WRITTEN TO BE A DIRECT PARALLEL OF SKYBOUND AND WAS CENTERED ON SHOWING HOW THE NINJA ESPECIALLY JAY HAVE GROWN THROUGHOUT THE SEASON
when season 12 rolls around we are at the point in Jay's development where he is CONFIDENT in who he is. He's a fun-loving jokester with the power of lightning and the drive to help people whenever he can. He uses jokes and humor to help alleviate tension and get people through whatever's happening. And when on his own what does he do?
BECOME AN ENTERTAINER BABEY
i like to think jay's club in prime empire was a safe haven for anyone stuck in the game who figured out hey. we Can't Leave and felt freaked about it. Also Jay would generally try and spread the word that hey something ISN'T RIGHT HERE which would lead people to want to stay with him
(totally plugging my friend's fic but this kind of thing is explored in would you like to enter prime empire by @finn-m-corvex y'all should check it out cool cool)
also the prime empire shorts which i watched all of in the midst of typing this video cuz i love them go watch them please please please jay was publically fighting the red visors which I imagine may have raised some red flags for some players
THIS SOMEHOW TURNED INTO PRIME EMPIRE INFODUMPING LMAO ANYWAYS Jay's confident! He becomes an entertainer because it's who he knows he is! And it's something that will get people hyped and having fun, which is very in-character for Jay to do! He uses those kinds of things to mask the Bad Things going on and get people remembering what's good
I've talked about this sort of thing before but that's Jay's whole philosophy as early as season 9! Which is a DIRECT contrast to how he views it in season 6, as Nadakhan puts it scarily accurately
"You make jokes to mask the fact that you're afraid"
(i was gonna grab a screenshot for that like i did with the hunted scene but netflix has bloCKED THE ABILITY TO TAKE SCREENSHOTS THE WAY I USED TO and i don't have them already and i'm too lazy to grab them from elsewhere so alas trust me he says it)
making jokes to hide your fear and using humor to remind yourself of what's good and coping with the bad are two VERY different outlooks on it
so I think this outlook is what drives him to make this glamrock persona in the first place - this is a bad situation, one he's in with other civilians, and what better way to keep him and themself safe until the others get there than throwing a big performance at a safe place!
also it's just so gender okay I want to look like Superstar Rockin' Jay so badly
it's also interesting to see his outlook on his parents change over time! In season six he finds out Ed and Edna aren't his birth parents and feels upset about it, not understanding why his birth parents would've abandoned him. In season twelve, that outlook changing is EXACTLY why Jay's able to get through to Unagami
"I was abandoned by my parents, too!... I never understood why, and I never had the chance to even ask. But I always hoped there was a good reason. What if there's a reason?"
(again curse you netflix i wanted SCREENSHOTS whatever whatever)
It's this scene that gets Unagami to calm down long enough for Milton Dyer to get there, and presumably is what stops him from just. Flattening him and Jay like a pancake.
to piggyback off of this i absolutely adore how Unagami and Jay consider each other adopted brothers in that one book I still haven't read and I hope he's in Dragons Rising at some point Unagami is my favorite "villain" (no longer a villain) in the whole show he deserves more screentime
like this is where i found out about this and it's plagued my mind ever since. i need to read. this book just for them
SO YEA OKAY Prime Empire is "Who is Jay as a Person Post-Skybound" to me also it opens up so many fascinating things about Jay. I rest my case
so backpedaling a little bit. JAY CARES SO MUCH ABOUT HIS PARENTS GUYS IT'S SO SOFT AND I'M sobs
like yea the first episode with Ed and Edna in it has Jay avoiding them like the plague but this gets explained very easily when you remember he was bullied for his home life before he became a ninja. It makes a lot more sense why he wouldn't want them around his new friends, assuming they'd react the same way. Also how was he supposed to know literally all the rest of the groups parents were either dead, presumed dead, or had a toxic relationship with their kid lmao
(Cole calling his mom kills me. Cole's mom is dead. I know they probably just didn't think that far ahead when writing the dialogue but it's so funny mans pretended to call his dead mom to get on Jay for not appreciating his parents iconic behavior)
anyways literally every episode Ed and Edna are central to (except like the one in skybound) Jay stops at nothing to protect his parents and it means the absolute world to me he's so much like them!! They raised an inventive little nerd and he will stop at nothing to make sure they're safe and it's. It's SO IMPORTANT TO ME OKAY
ALSO this is an excuse to clip my favorite piece of dialogue possibly in the entire show. Except Netflix won't let me now. So you just get the text dialogue
Jay's just fallen from the sky with a messed up eye and is incredibly distraught that all his friends are captured. And his dad just. The woRLD IS FALLING APART AND HE'S EATIN' SOUP-
Ed i love you
anyways
anways anyways this just turned into me rambling about prime empire and then Ed and Edna and a lot of disjointed other stuff but thank you for this opportunity i was going to also ramble about lloyd but i put this post in a word count and
yea i think that's enough for a tumblr post anyways! If anyone wants any like. More logically thought out and direct thoughts about characters feel free to send me asks this was fun thank u @zaptrap for this opportunity to scream about jay
#help this was. my brain is so not intact today so if this makes absolutely 0 sense i understand#i did end up watching some prime empire stuff during my ramblings and guys. the ending of that season still makes me cry#this is fully prime empire propaganda btw i need to like. talk about the season more because despite what my skybound posting would lead#y'all to believe THIS IS THE ACTUAL SEASON THAT LIVES IN MY HEAD AT ALL TIMES MOST OF MY MUTUALS ARE JUST MORE SKYBOUND BRAINED#AND IT RUBS OFF ON ME EASILY#but no prime empire is the fucking best#if i talk about jay long enough it WILL just turn into prime empire#also after I wrapped up this post i continued thinking more jay thoughts but this post is already long enough#like how jay is actually SO incredibly self-sacrificing and how he cares so much about helping people#also wow i didn't even mention his powers in that whole ramble. rare for me.#one day i wanna do!! a powers masterpost. like how i view all the ninja's elemental powers#but thats another day's project i am. So Eepy#anyways hope y'all appreciated this#also thank u serp for sending this ask which allowed me to Scream into the Void about jay walker#category 11 han moment fr#ninjago#lego ninjago#jay#jay walker#unagami#edna#ed#i have no idea if ANY of this is coherent btw#prime empire#skybound#hunted#quest for the lost powers#ask#spinjitsu screams
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not to be weird and sappy on main, but frfr i'm so glad i have found a community of people who think my work is good
#talking#to the tags if you want the longer rant that maybe i'll talk about fully one day#tl;dr when i was in hs i was with my ex that i think ive mentioned like once or twice#there was a lot of shit wrong with that relationship and us and me at the time#but the thing that happened after we broke up which was the worst was her saying i was passionless#because in her mind i wasn't 'trying hard enough'#didn't help that she was super talented in art (even if thinking about it now its way too disney for my taste tbh)#and seemingly had her life together bc she had a super cool supportive mom#(wish i could've gotten her in the divorce tm)#and tbh that haunted me for YEARS#i stopped drawing for years after being with her#i didn't really pick up drawing HARD again until 2020#and i didn't really work on many of my own wips#just kinda poked at the ashes of the wips i got in the divorce (which funnily enough i don't use anymore. used the ocs but not the plots)#i was just so fucked up about it#but seeing y'all comment that you like my writing and my art#having people say that my worldbuilding is fire and passionate#idk it heals the part of me that died that day#so thank you all from the bottom of my soul#whenever y'all are kind enough to compliment me the hole mends even more#so idk i was just thinkin about it like bro the difference between me then and now is night and day#in part to all my lovely friends and mutuals#so yeah idk thank u i'm gonna go back in me corner again
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inspired by elli's poll lol cause this seems fun actually but if you guys have bad answers I'll kill myself on your doorstep or smth
#“rori all of these are your faves how can there be a bad answer” well I still have an internal ranking on some of these#and if all of you pick an option that I think pales in comparison to the others. well. hm#I know what's gonna sweep though because two of these are niche as hell and 4 maybe 5 of these are things you people don't follow me for#fun fact I actually had to scrape my brain to make sure I couldn't come up with any more#I am unintentionally very picky on what is a favorite apparentlyyyy#I also just don't watch/read enough stuff these days so there's that#AND I NEED LONG TERM EXPOSURE TO KNOW THEY'RE STICKING AROUND#so like. I have some options but I don't KNOWWW if they're sticking yet#but this feels like such a small poll lmao#also no sapphics on here this is actually cause I hate women-#NO. JOKING. zelink is here. I almost put gideon and harrow but I'm in a perpetual state of not having finished tlt#and I couldn't put nebetta and darya I was drawing the line at 2 tbos ships. well. actually. changed my mind#not editing these tags actually you guys can see my thought process#WAIT AND SAYMARI. FUCK. I LITERALLY MADE A PLAYLIST FOR THEM I LOVE THEMMM#ok. is 4 tbos ships too many. hmm#I said 2 of these are niche now four of these are niche it's really the “which tbos pairing is your fave” poll#THIS POLL IS SO FUNNY IT'S SO SELF INDULGENT I HAVE TO TAKE OUT AT LEAST ONE TBOS SHIP#I should add one more general one...#cause I do actually want genuine and varied answers I gotta give y'all options so they don't all pool at the first two#I also almost put ellie and abby on here.. that would've been so funny four popular 1 rarepair 3 super niche ships#ellie and abby are soooo interesting to me though so of course the thought of them having something horrible going on together compels me#and they are one of my 3 favorited ao3 tags... they deserve a place...#ok well while I debate on that I'm putting akutagawa and atsushi on here I admittedly have only had like two months of exposure to them#but it is enough I can tell they are so crazy to me#the way my tags are just me overthinking everything on what is supposed to be a fun and silly poll... no one does it like me I'm afraid
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Path to Freedom: an Amprule First Note analysis thingy
Due to popular demand (of my 3 friends), I've decided to type up another break down of an amprule illustration!!! yippee!!!!
Once again let's start simple!! the light composition!! There is a clear light/shadow duality happening in this illustration so here's a neat chart I made to show it:
Now you might notice the red/green tint I added, as well as how Chungsung is in the light meanwhile Dongha is in the dark. So let's break down the components of each side.
Dongha is surrounded by shadows. The shadows likely show how he feels trapped in the Yeon family. The paintings that surround him add even more pressure because he has the Yeon family name to live up to.
He is looked down by the paintings behind him (it's only Chungsung who's looking up at him) meanwhile Dongha doesn't look at anyone, he fears that he has failed the family (his father). He seems to be considering his choices between the two paths he could take.
What are his two paths exactly? Well, they're shown through the doors! The door next to him and the door below him.
The door next to him will possibly take him deeper into the mansion. The path is pitch-black and the darkness will make him feel even more lost. This path will probably keep him trapped in the mansion forever.
The door below him is lit up and will possibly lead him to the exit. The path is lit up and it all seems good, but there is yet another painting in the way. His fight for freedom won't be easy but we already know that he is determined to take that step forward.
The physical locations of the doors could also mean something. The one that leads inside the mansion is higher up, it means that if Dongha wants to keep his social status he's gonna have to give up his freedom. But if he wants to become free he'll have to "lower" himself and possibly lose his status. (It is worth pointing out how the positions of the characters show their imbalance as well.)
Now, everything I've mentioned to this point has been focusing on Dongha's struggles, so where's Chungsung in all of this?
I've talked about the role colors play in Amprule art in my previous post. Chungsung's red contrasts with the Yeon family green and gives Dongha a place to Be. There is no red in this illustration, Chungsung is as trapped in the family as Dongha is.
Just with the way he's positioned shows us that he is leaning toward the idea of freedom (is it his freedom, does he want Dongha to be free, or is it just his willingness to be a tool for Dongha's freedom). And if we take account of the light = freedom & shadow = restraint meanings, the light is practically shining upon him.
But at the end of the day, he is still only a butler and he is waiting for Dongha to make a decision. His loyalty to Dongha is not something to question, we all know that Chungsung will stand by his side no matter which path he chooses. However, if Dongha chooses to go deeper into the mansion he might end up being separated from Chungsung and their distance would become even bigger.
"To me Amprule means freedom." is something Dongha says to Hajun in the Showdown Aftermath drama track. Dongha forming Amprule is not only him choosing his freedom but choosing to get closer to Chungsung as well. Though I suppose neither of them are aware of how they've been closing the gap.
Considering how this is a bit of a "prequel to Amprule" type of image it gives us a decent look into just how suffocating their lives in the Yeon family were. They still haven't made it to equal footing, but we know that they're slowly getting there and setting themselves free.
#not mentioned here bc i didnt wanna derail Too Much is the fate drama track#bae straight up tells it to his face that the stronger their bond becomes. the stronger amprule will get#which causes the showdown drama track. and chungsung playing geoguesser to find which market baby hajun & dongha went to#if i become even more deranged one of these days ill literally type out a line by line analysis of them sharing the candied apples#anyways heres to hoping that this whole thing sounds coherent. i wrote down all the points i wanted to make#just. the role of chungsung is SOOOOO important to dongha. his constant support means so much to him. blowing them up#fucked up dadmom and sonboy combo the world#paradox live#amprule#yeon dongha#baek chungsung#nile talks#Btw if y'all want me expand on other stuff or just wanna talk about amprule in general. I am always here. I gave many things to say#*have not gave
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at that time of the year where i have No Motivation to work
#i MIGHT get a raise next month after my performance review like i'm holding my breath since i got a significant one in april#but would be REALLY nice and would really raise morale#would make me not think about quitting law to work at bunnings every day#also would make me less 😒 about the partner just fucking around and making me do all his work#like yesterday!!! he just took the day off without even giving me a heads up like ????#man i mean he did tell bossman it was because his child was ill and i do appreciate that it may be stressful for you to juggle-#-work and also an infant child but......?????????#literally your wife isn't even working atm and she could've probably dealt with it?????? and i was SWAMPED yesterday#and again? no notice??????? like was bossman the one who had to do all your appointments or was i the one who had to pick up on your slack#i'm not even convinced his child was sick yesterday tbh low key think he's got a side hustle he's working on#which is fine you do you#but man we are understaffed i am working at bloody capacity I GO INTO WORK AN HOUR EARLY JUST SO I CAN CATCH UP#and you really out here playing these games with me????????#why tf should i 拼死拼活 just to make money so you can profit off just fucking around#ANYWAY yeah y'all can see i'm reaching my max tolerance on this :/#work stories
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fanfic rambling in the tags, nothing interesting really, just me talking to myself lol, okay to ignore or read as you please ✨
#so i've found the perfect prompt list for an olli/allu fic advent calendar sorta thing#but i'm too intimidated by my own expectations and ridiculously high standards to even start writing any of them 😭#honestly these prompts are so insanely cute and fit olli/allu PERFECTLY#like. i'm actually having trouble deciding which ones to use because i want to write them all 🥺💞#but i'm so so scared that i'll just end up writing the same (boring) story over again for 24 times 😔#i wish i could just write without thinking and trying so hard to write a literary masterpiece#when i KNOW it's alright if it's just a silly little story about my blorbos#that's perfectly enough and i know this but my brain's just not having it 😩#also if i were to write 24 independent fics i'd have to keep them short and simple but. that's not how i do fics. unfortunately (for me)#to overcome this i guess one option would be to write just one longer piece with 24 chapters#and somehow try to include the prompt of the day in each chapter 🤔#but i don't want to make this even more complicated to myself lol especially because i'm planning to write AUs for a couple of the prompts#i REALLY want to do prompts (of any kind!!) but i'm just so scared of stressing myself out to another months-long writer's block 😭#fair enough the last time that happened (last winter/spring) i was in a shitty place mentally anyway#and so far i've been happy to be writing on random bursts of inspiration. that's how it's the easiest for me. the words just...flow out#i'm so insanely jealous of anyone who can just create stuff when given any prompt 😭#y'all are super humans to me how do you do it pls spill your secrets#and anyone tempted to comfort me by saying i shouldn't stress myself over this and that i don't have to write anything i don't wanna write:#i knoooooowwww and i appreactiate the sentiment but the thing is i actually DO want to write these prompts 😭#in theory at least. because they really are cute as fuck wth 🥺#the problem is that i can't /force/ myself to write something at the snap of my fingers without a clear idea besides the prompt#and also because i know it can take me days to finish even one story let alone 24 💀#so to even START on this project is a little intimidating 🫣#i just fear i won't have the patience :(#and when i realise i won't be able to finish the project i'll become frustrated with myself#if only i knew how to write shorter one-scenes in order to not tire myself out#but often i find those kind of fics somehow...unsatisfying :(#i'm just a sucker for crafting the context/background for stories. a little flesh around the bones if you will 🤧#okay that's all now i'm gonna go stare at a wall while doing nothing useful for the rest of the weekend byeeee#if you read this far i hope you're having a nice saturday
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#rant incoming lol#UGHHHHHHH#ALL I WANNA DO IS SIT IN BED AND WRITE MY SILLY LITTLE STORIES#I was sick for two days and catching up on all the work I missed is literally insane and not one person has a normal fucking request for me#and just when I was thinking that I was gonna have such a nice relaxing do-nothing weekend......#my bathroom ceiling starts leaking and I have to call my landlord#and deal with the idiots in the unit above me not knowing what *please stop running the water* means#and there's gonna be a stranger in my house to fix it which is good obviously but still makes me uncomfy#and I just want the whole world to stop please and thank you#ok rant over#I swear I have seen y'alls asks - literally just waiting for my life to slow down for three seconds so I can work on them
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IN THE HEIGHTS countdown: 1 DAY!
song for today:
abuela, i’m sorry but i ain’t goin’ back because i’m telling your story and i can say goodbye to you smilin’, i found my island i been on it this whole time i’m home!
#song for today: finale#GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT#we fucking did it y'all!!!#i am leaving tonight!#usnavi is staying in washington heights and i am going to koszalin to see the play#SCREAMING CRYING ETC ETC#i just need to survive this one last day at work and then i'll be on my way#the play is tomorrow but it's literally the other side of poland so i have to get there somehow lol#which probably means i'll be here with all of you all night tonight#unless i'll try to get some sleep on a train#we will see#IT'S FUCKING HAPPENING!!!#i'm the happiest person ever now#btw you can also expect the whole fucking essay after#as i promised#it won't be long now*#Spotify
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Nebulizing a dog is harder than it sounds let me tell you that
#we're gonna have to do it to malta two times a day#and it has to be two people to hold her to do this#cause girly will not stay put#also she had to do a blood exam today because there's a worry she might have pneumonia 🙃#which according to the vet is especially harsh on a dog her age#so like for y'all religious folks if you could pray for my dog to at least not have pneumonia i'd be happy#cause uhm the cancer is bad enough on its own#because she has melanoma#which is one of the most aggressive for dogs apparently#and we hoped she would be fine after surgery#but it already spread#and to her fucking lungs#which is not ideal#at all#and at this point i'm scared#god i just hope she makes it to her birthday#and before anyone is like 'oh but its too early to be pessimistic'#i saw the xray#her lung was lit up with white dots everywhere#and it's been only a MONTH since we first caught the cancer#her previous xray was fine#there was nothing#we'll meet with the oncologist on tuesday#to see what are our options#but i have my doubts any of them will be good
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Here I go to spend several days by myself in the North Carolina wilderness. Wish me luck. Never gone camping alone (but I have my dogs, and I trust them more than any people I know), so that's intimidating. Hopefully I don't have to fistfight a bear over whatever I'm cooking that night. Not looking forward to no toilet or shower until Monday, but it is what it is. I absolutely have to do this, for my mental health. I'm losing so much money taking the time off work to just have mountain time to myself. But I gotta. My life has been such a chaotic mess for over half a year now - everything that could go wrong, has - and I've never felt so close to just letting myself snap. I can feel it boiling right under the surface at any given time.
But yeah. Should be a time. Might post pictures upon my return (provided a bear doesn't decide I'm on the menu). Wish me luck!
#not vc sorry#camping#going to pisgah in case i never return and y'all gotta help direct the cops#should be back online sometime next week#really hoping there's no phone service so no one can bother me#i WILL hike the mountains. i WILL return to the dirt and moss from which i came.#i think it'll be good for me to just fuck off for a while and hang out with my puppies#it's just been shit after shit for so long#like. starts off with me getting fired over a false police report that no one cared was obviously fake#then the only person I've ever given a shit about says he's had a massive thing for me for years and just ghosts me?#then my mom started getting worse and is constantly blaming me for all her problems and breaking my stuff etc#like. she tells my 15 year old brother he's a failure and won't be shit at least once a day. blames me for his behavior.#then I'm getting constantly fucked over at work. treated like I'm an idiot. paid less than the guys despite doing the same work.#my physical health isn't great but what do i even do about that?#i have no control over anything in my life. it's all going to shit.#but you know what i can control? where my gay ass subaru is driven. and it's driving me to the mother fucking mountains.#and i WILL chill and relax and not stress over shit that's out of my hands!!!!!!!#it's supposed to rain a lot but who cares. just means less likelihood of other people camping near me.
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ignore this.
learning to shut up when i dont have anything new to say to the discussions my mutuals are having about the treatment of the female characters in this show and fandom
even though ive just gone ahead and rambled in the tags a bunch of bullshit
#lohst.txt#they're all so right#because this fandom has had problems since the beginning#its always about the boys#the fics and the art and everything#and the fact that a large portion of this fandom is obsessed with the squip. the ACTUAL villain. yet would wish a 16 year old girl death#yeah. chloe did some fucked up things. yeah. dywh is an awful situation that was not handled well#(because this show has awful writing. you guys have been saying that already and youre right)#but come on. y'all act like the other characters did nothing wrong#if the writers would have cared to put actual depth into these characters#i havent listened to the source material in. a while. and i never got around to watching any other boot other than two rivers#i dont know what im saying#it was so easy to join bmc rp servers because no one ever picked the girls#did that mean i was left out of the rps? mostly. yeah#i mean. those servers always had the same rich and jake so we'd team up#but the jeremy and michael would barely give room for anyone else to interact with them#i used to have some discussions with someone about the flaws of this show and how the girls are constantly ignored#(back when i had sort of dipped out of the fandom)#anyway im never one to get involved in discourse directly#i support my mutuals and reblog art and post my silly little fics#mostly because im always too tired to put a lot of thought into any in depth analysis#(even though i have alot of thoughts on chloe and fairytales. which has nothing to do with this whatsoever)#everyone else has said it so much better than what i can currently come up with rn#but the way that the girls get watered down to one personality trait (this includes madeline). and are always used as background characters#the way there was so much christine hate at one point because she got inn the way of boyf riends#i looked chloe up on pinterest the other day out of curiosity#and there was so much hate#everyone likes christine and brooke#theyre the nice girls#the ones that get watered down to innocent and naïve and the mum friend of the group
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the idea of three hopes dimivain is also so funny to me tho bc dimitri goes and recruits miklan and then miklan just gets back only to find out his brother and king are Very Close and he's just like "oh god. oh no". he knows exactly what he is going to be subjected to for the rest of his life.
#DCB Comments#your king is in a relationship with your brother what do you do. nothing exactly bc u can't; ur on faerghus probation#there is nothing you can do when they start kissing on the couch in front of u#u just have to accept that the king who gave u a new life is also kissing ur brother#bUT ALSO. all the happy family stuff THINK OF ALL THE HAPPY FAMILY STUFF#miklan saved by his eventual brother in law and being able to call the literal king his brother in law#and ALSO you have all the routes to consider. sb where miklan is left with his brother in law but his brother died#gw where miklan is alive and sylvain and dimitri are together#ag where sylvain and dimitri mourn losing him together#best option: ag au where he didn't fucking die#bc even if u consider gw well matthias died so here in this house we just consider the happiest option#which is AG: He Didn't Fucking Die#miklan going into dimi's office to report smth and he just stands there dead inside when he walks in on sylvain flirting with dimi#tell me there isn't room for shenanigans with this family TELL ME THERE ISN'T#you CAN'T because there is SO MUCH ROOM. it will be HEARTWARMING and it will be FUNNY#and ONE DAY matthias will go to dimitri and be like ''thank u for helping this family recover''#AND miklan is going to be sylvain's best man at the wedding shut UP it's exactly what happens#dimivain in three hopes is absolute perfection for a lot of reasons but when u have to have miklan involved it's extra perfection#listen i warned y'all i woke up on the dimivain side of the bed (my cat was next to me maybe she woke up on the dimiclaude side)#this had nothing to do with the fic i was thinking of writing for months btw BUT that doesn't stop me from adding to my list of fics#also yes i am on the EDGE right now like i can tell i am going to sell my soul to gautier dimivain fam within the next few minutes#DCB Three Hopes Stuff
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Song of the Day: December 7
"Wolverine" by Goghi
#song of the day#beautiful beautiful song very very fun to sing. about loving nature and wanting to bite people! ideal. pristine.#every line is the best line but the whole chorus is really something special#'I am the wolverine / get close I show my teeth and / no love for my own / I walk my path alone and#I am the submarine / deep hunter of the seas and / I sink enemies / making widows in the open ocean'#there's a little fuck I never know what that's called. what's it called#a little ripple-run in the melody on 'making widows in the open ocean' that brings such incredible joy. amazing song to sing#also--this has nothing to do with the song--I am so hungry#Nick has his friends over (which is good! not complaining about that. he did get permission and they're not rude or destructive so chill)#but our livingroom is now a minefield of people and beverages and popcorns I think that smell is popcorn#and to get to the kitchen I would have to pass through. step over all of them and walk between them and their videogames on the big screen#and I'm just not feeling it!#so we turn again to the grace and foresight of past-me and we reap the great pop-tart harvest#do y'all know how many boxes of poptarts there are under my bed? literally I do not know. I've just been getting interesting flavors#apple jacks. banana bread. snickerdoodle. apple fritter. eggo. cinnamon sugar pretzel. cinnamon roll. that's seven!#seven boxes of poptarts under my bed! I gave the boston creme pie and pumpkin pie ones to Nick bc they were gross but these are all good#I missed out on the vanilla latte and chocolate churro flavors sadly. they were before I started#(do you ever get halfway through a sentence and then you think: huh. my whole life to date and this is what I'm doing now. huh.)#anyway they were before I started collecting poptarts
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..
#so i'm part of the mrballen server#and one time we had a joke about starting a matchmaking channel#so people could say they met and fell in love in a discord server#it was funny and after that we just carried on as usual#then one day i get a message from a guy who's in the server#and he's introducing himself and whatnot#i thought it would be like we chat every now and then type thing but like...#it's so much more#i literally made a joke about matchmaking in the server and i'm dating someone from the server now 🤣#he lives in ny so we were able to meet pretty easily#and y'all...he is FOINE#he's Ukrainian and so shy about his English but it's fine lol#he does construction#right now he's in the Philippines for 3 weeks building a fucking oil rig and I've been worried since he left#but he messages me every day though there's a 12 hour time difference#i really like him y'all#he's a single dad of 2 daughters and he's so amazing with them#he's a few years older than me which I prefer#he's just an all around good guy#and i wouldn't mind if things got a bit more serious between us...
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