#which was weird being in a loft bed

[libraryspectre]

Once in my freshman year of college I woke up in the middle of the night, climbed out of my loft bed, and went and locked myself in the bathroom. I was standing there trying to figure out why I had done that (I didn't need to pee or anything and I hadn't thought concisely about what I was doing at all until that moment) when suddenly I heard the doorknob to the dorm room start jiggling violently, like someone in the hall was really trying to get in

[flemingsfreckles]

Ol’ College Try (18+)

Synopsis: UCLA!Jessie x UCLA!reader You and Jessie finally have bedrooms no longer in a dorm room, meaning you finally have the chance to explore a new step in your physical relationship using a strap on.

Warnings: SMUT (18+), first time using a strap on smut, its a little awkward and clumsy, strap on (R Receiving), Oral sex (R receiving), little bit of frustration and embarrassment, language.

WC: 3.9k

A/N: Hi, I haven't posted smut in months, literally since July, I sort of fell out of the mood for writing it, I'm working on getting back into it but we'll see. I’ll also be honest, I finished writing this and couldn’t bear the idea of rereading it so I’m sure there’s errors, I apologize.

“You have to promise not to laugh when I turn around.” You rolled your eyes behind your girlfriend’s back at her sudden change from confident to less than, all due to some silicone and leather.

“I won’t babe, I promise, just come over here.”

“I feel like it looks weird.” You watch as Jessie swivels her head to peek at you over her shoulder. You had been watching the way her arms and back moved as she maneuvered.

“You can take it off if you’re not comfortable.” You reassure her from where you were laying on the bed, blanket pulled up around your chest, you were shirtless and had been okay until Jessie’s warmth had left as she moved off the bed, suddenly feeling chilly.

“No, I want to at least try, it’s just new and different. What’s that saying they have? ‘Give it the old college try?’”

You smile at your girlfriend “I think it’s technically ‘Ol’ not ‘old’ but yeah babe, it’s okay if you’re nervous, I am a bit.” You admit. You and Jessie have been dating since the third month of sophomore year at UCLA, now upperclassmen, you were able to move off campus and you each had your own apartments just a few minutes from each other. With the new living location came new bedrooms, bedrooms that weren’t shared with another student, bedrooms that didn’t have a lofted twin size bed, bedrooms that didn’t have paper thin walls.

You both had returned to school early for pre-season, her for soccer and you for cross country meaning when you weren’t at practice, your roommates weren’t home and the two of you had a lot of free time. No classes, assignments, projects, or other school responsibilities had started yet. Reveling in your reunion after spending the summer apart, you and Jessie had found yourselves making up for lost time, often in the sheets of each other's beds. Which led to you the other day texting Jessie, being too shy to ask in person, asking if she’d want to try using a strap on you. She had quickly agreed before telling you to send her what you wanted and she’d buy it.

You had been eager to try it, testing out new waters in your relationship. Jessie had giggled when you opened your front door for her this morning, she held a bag out to you with a silly grin. “I feel like everyone can tell what’s in the bag.” She said as you opened the top, peering in to look at the toy. You sweetly rolled your eyes at your girlfriend’s bashfulness, taking the bag from her hand.

It wasn’t long after she arrived that the two of you were in your bed, Jessie’s body weight holding you firmly to the mattress as she kissed you.

You kissed her back hard, enjoying the feeling of Jessie’s hands roaming your body while yours ran up and down her sides. The two of you made out, quickly losing your shirts, throwing back your head as Jessie’s lips came to rest on your neck.

“Don’t, I’ve got photos tomorrow.” You gently remind her as you start to feel her start to suck on the skin. A dejected noise falls from Jessie’s lips as she releases the suction, causing them to vibrate slightly against you. She moves on, kissing down your chest to give attention to your breasts. Your fingers tangle themselves in her hair, pulling gently, gaining a hum of appreciation from Jessie this time. The longer you make out the more impatient you get, starting to grind up into Jessie, trying to hint to her you were ready to move on.

Jessie finally climbs off of you and heads toward where you had placed the bag earlier on the chair in your room, beginning to mess around with the harness and toy, leading to now where she’s shyly peeking over her shoulder at you with the harness fastened around her waist and thighs.

When she finally turns around to face you, your eyes drop to her waist and your stomach clenches at the sight, your beautiful girlfriend and between her legs the bright blue toy. It somehow looked larger sitting against her body.

“Come ‘ere.” You wave her over, hoping to boost her confidence back up as you can see the way she avoids eye contact with you. She crawls onto the bed, waiting for a moment before moving over to you.. As she leans over the toy sticking out pokes you in the stomach. “Hey!” You quickly move your hand down to grab it, moving it away from jabbing into you.

“Oops sorry, I didn’t think about that, not used to having anything there.” She says, laughing slightly as she looks down to see your hand holding it. “Hand on let me just.” She says before pulling the toy to be flush against her stomach.

With the toy no longer separating you, she leans down, finally reconnecting your lips. She kisses you for a moment before letting her hand trail between your legs, her fingers moving the cloth of your panties to the side. You sigh as her fingers begin to work between your legs, collecting your arousal before coming to your clit to rub slow circles. She continues touching you, pulling small noises of appreciation and approval from you as her fingers work.

“Jessie, come on.” Whining into her ear and bucking your hips she finally gets the message and pulls her hand back.

“What, are you ready?” Jessie pulls away from your lips.

“Yeah, I guess.” You could feel a small pit of nerves growing in your stomach, you’d hadn’t done this before, you trusted Jessie, she wouldn’t intentionally hurt you or make you uncomfortable, but it was new to both of you. You make a quick movement to remove your underwear before tossing it to the side and putting your legs back on either side of Jessie.

Jessie sits back on her knees, hand falling to the base of the toy. Her other hand comes up to rest on your inner thigh, pushing it slightly outward, her eyes falling between your legs. A smile comes across her face and you have to look away for a second from her intense stare.

“Hand me that.” Jessie points to the bottle of lube sitting next to your head on the bedside table. You grab it, passing it to her and watching as she opens the bottle, pouring on the liquid. She brings her hand down to begin spreading it. “Oh, it’s kind of cold.” She looks at her hand for a moment, rubbing her fingers together before adding “and slimey.” The bottle gets returned to the side table and Jessie slides herself closer to you, the tip resting on your stomach.

“Just go slow.” You say, putting your hands around her shoulders and lacing your fingers together behind her head.

“I will.” She nods down at you before breaking eye contact to look down where her hips rested between your thighs. Jessie maneuvers and you feel the toy now sitting against your core. She moves it around again before looking up at you quickly then back down, adjusting her hips again causing the toy to move. You feel the tip of the toy bump against a place you definitely didn’t want it going. “Wait.” You push against Jessie’s chest and she looks up, nervously. “Um, higher up, that’s the wrong-”

“Oh my god.” Jessie immediately inches backwards from you. “I’m sorry.” You watch as she drops her head in embarrassment. “I know where it is with my fingers.” She mumbles to herself, her confidence slipping away more and more the longer she has the appendage on.

“Babe, it’s fine, here I’ll help.” You reach down to where the strap hung gently grasping just above where Jessie’s own hand was wrapped around the girth. You take the tip, letting it glide across your clit before beginning to move it downward slowly. “There.” You gently push the tip into yourself before removing your hand placing it onto Jessie’s shoulder. “Go ahead.” You say looking up at your girlfriend who still had a hint of fear in her eyes.

She gives you a small nod and you watch her body begin to move and you feel the pressure of her hips angling forward, the toy beginning to push inside. You can tell by her gaze that she's unsure of what she’s doing, watching you for approval. “Is this fine?”

“Yeah, I’m good, keep going babe.” You nod up at her. She gives you a quick smile before her concentration face returns, her eyebrows furrowed and her bottom lip being tightly bit between her teeth, her eyes wander to where the two of you are connected, still moving her hips towards you ever so slightly. You bite your lip, starting to feel a larger stretch as Jessie continues to push forward. It wasn’t painful, but there was a definite tightness as Jessie bottomed out.

It takes a moment but Jessie’s hips finally are flush to yours and you can feel the fabric of the harness against your legs. Lying there you try your best to relax your muscles, still feeling a little nervous and unfamiliar with what was happening. You're unsure of where to put your legs, did you leave them lying on the bed? Should you bend them, put them around her waist maybe?

“Does it hurt?”Jessie looks between where your hips touch and back up to your face.

“Not exactly, it's just bigger than your fingers.” Your eyes trail to her hands that lay on either side of your waist, Jessie had good fingers, long, thick, but nowhere near the girth of the toy.

“Just let me know when you’re ready.”

“Yeah, maybe try pulling back a bit.” Your fingers dig into her shoulders, anticipating discomfort when she pulls back, only finding it to be not uncomfortable, just weird.

“Right, okay.” You watch, her face still contorted in confusion and concentration. She slowly shifts her hips backward again, just a small amount and the drag of the toy inside of you has you sighing, a noise that causes Jessie to freeze. “Are you alright?”

“I’m good babe, keep going.” You encourage her, giving her shoulder a squeeze, before letting your nails gently rake along the skin of her back. She pushed back in the small amount she had pulled out before pushing back in again.

Jessie slowly pulls back again, this time she drops her head, watching the toy slide out of you. You can see her eyes widen in amazement as she watches.

“Like what you see?” Bringing your hand to her chin you gently pull her face up to watch as she blushes.

“Yeah, it’s good, it’s hot.” She says looking up at you. Jessie gets lost looking at you for a moment, her hips stalling for a bit before she picks up her motion again.

“You can try going faster, or maybe harder?” You’re not fully sure what’s going to feel good. Jessie nods, her curls bouncing in front of her face. Her face is trying to mask a level of uncertainty. “Don’t be so nervous babe, it’s just me.” You bring a hand up to her rosy cheeks, hoping the gentle touch of your fingers will reassure her again.

“I just don’t want to hurt you.” The sincerity in Jessie's voice is cute you think, she was really worried about hurting you more than anything. You also knew her concerns would likely prevent her from fully letting herself go, it would take some time and practice.

“You won’t, fuck me like you mean it.”

Her eyes widen at your vulgar ask before a small smirk comes across her face as she looks at you. She drops to her forearms, her chest meeting yours as she ruts harder into you. Her strokes become firm, a loud noise of her hips meeting yours fills the room for a second before you start hearing Jessie’s ragged breathing in your ear.

“Oh, fuck Jess.” Your words spur her on, she pushes herself up again, thrusting faster, using the full length of the toy.

You get lost in the sensation, letting small moans of pleasure fall from your mouth. Muffling your moans Jessie kisses you hard as she continues to speed up her movements. Her trusts are a bit uncoordinated, a hard one, followed by some quick ones, she’d then slow down, then some shallow, some deep. It wasn’t bad by any means, just unpredictable.

You feel Jessie pull slightly too far out, the tip falling toward the bed but notice she thrusts her hips forward. You bring a hand to her waist giving her a gentle push “Hang on, you slipped out.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, it’s fine.”

“I’m not good at this.” You watch as she starts to frown, the little bit of confidence she had gained a moment ago dwindling.

“It’s the first time Jess, it’s okay.” Your fingers draw lazy circles across her back, feeling goosebumps arise on her skin.

“Does it even feel good?”

“I mean,” you hesitate, not knowing how to exactly answer. Before you can clarify why you hesitated, Jessie talks.

“I’m sorry.”

“No baby it’s not you. I think I’m nervous, and it’s just something new, and it feels good but not in the mind blowing orgasm way,” you pause looking up at Jessie, you didn’t want to take a hit to her ego. “It’s good though, just like you being inside of me, it’s nice.” You blush as the words come from your mouth, having to break your gaze with Jessie.

“Okay. Do you want me to keep going?”

“Yeah, for a bit maybe? But, can you add more lube please.”

Jessie gives you a smile and a nod, reaching onto the bedside table and adding the liquid onto the toy. When Jessie begins to move again she gently runs the head of the toy across your core, letting it bump against your clit, causing your breath to hitch. You feel the tip at your entrance again and you nod at Jessie when she looks up confirming she’s in the right spot.

There’s a different sensation when she pushes into you this time, you feel as though you’re filled again just how you should be, not even realizing how empty you felt before. You let out a sigh of relief.

“Good?” Jessie cocks an eyebrow at you, you can see the slight smirk across her face, pleased with the reaction you had from her movement.

“Mmmhm.” You hum up at her with a nod.

Jessie lowers her body onto yours, causing the strap to shift deeper inside of you, as the warmth from her chest comes to rest on yours. It feels close, intimate, her body covering yours, your legs wrapped around her back, her face tucked tightly into the nape of your neck. You can hear her heavy breathing as she picks up again thrusting into you. In this position her thrusts are slower but more even, less sporadic, she has more control.

As you go to wrap your arms around Jessie’s back, her hands find yours first. She takes both of her hands interlacing your fingers and bringing them up to rest by the sides of your head.

With each thrust into you Jessie gives your hands a gentle squeeze. It’s a simple gesture, holding hands with Jessie but in the context, it’s overwhelming. “I love you.” You hear her mumble against your skin before she places a kiss.

“I love you.”

After a couple thrusts, Jessie releases one of her hands from yours and brings it between your bodies, she fumbles around before her fingers find your clit and she begins rubbing circles in time with her thrusts. “Is this okay?”

You suck in a breath, the mixture of Jessie’s fingers and the feeling of being full is a new sensation, one your body is still trying to process. You focus on her fingers, fingers that knew your body well, they knew what you liked, what made you feel good and that's what they were doing, making you feel good. “That's good baby.”

Despite the added pleasure from Jessie’s fingertips, you can tell you won’t cum from this. Too in your head about the toy, the newness, the unfamiliar territory, it had you slightly on edge and not the edge you wanted to be on.

“Jess.” You say gently, you hoped telling her wasn’t going to make her feel inadequate.

“Yeah?” She picks her head up from your neck, you can see the small sheen of sweat on her forehead, her baby hairs stuck to it.

“This feels good, I promise, I just don’t think it’s going to, ya know, get me there.” You cringe as you say the words, worried about what her reaction might be.

“Oh.” Her expression is surprised for a moment before her face falls, appearing disappointed. “I’m sorry.”

“No, no, babe it’s not your fault.” Holding her head in your hands you caress her cheeks. You think about what to say. If you mention you don’t feel comfortable enough, she’d blame herself for that though, it had nothing to do with her but Jessie always put her performance, in school, on the field, or in bed, on herself, even if it wasn’t her fault. You had to choose your words carefully with her. “It’s not you I promise. It’s me, I’m just not, I think it’s just I’m not used to there being something inside, it’s good, just new and I’m not quite used to it enough.”

Jessie nods in your hands but doesn’t say anything. You pull her down bringing her ear to your mouth. “Baby, you always make me feel so good, this is no different, you can still make me cum without the strap, that’s even better when you think about it, you don’t need a toy, it’s all you Jess.” Releasing the hold on her, she sits back up, careful not to move the toy around too much while still inside of you. “You always make me feel good babe.” You groan out as Jessie moves to trail her tongue down the side of your neck.

“Should I pull out?” Jessie asks, looking down at her waist.

“Yeah go ahead.” You try and relax as she pulls her hips back, pulling until the toy falls out. You notice Jessie's attention being pulled down to where the toy was now. “Hey.” She looks back up at you with a small half smile. “It’s okay Jess.” You pull her by the chin, bringing her mouth to yours, the toy sticking into your stomach again as she tries to lean over to kiss you. She giggles as her hand again reaches to press the strap up against her abdomen.

The two of you kiss, her tongue gently running over yours, softly pulling on your bottom lip with her teeth, causing you to let out a deep moan. She kisses your cheek, down to your jaw and up to place a sloppy kiss just below your earlobe.

“Can I eat you out?” She whispers following it with a couple more kisses down your neck.

“Please baby.” Your voice comes out more needy and wanting than you expected. You can feel her smirk against your neck and she continues to kiss across your chest, teasing you ever so slightly, taking her time moving down your body.

“Come on Jess.” Your hands find their way to her shoulders and you gently push her down where she was already headed, between your legs. She gives in, letting you push her between your legs. As she goes to lay down, the toy catches on the bed, preventing her from being able to fully lay down.

“Fuck this.” Jessie says sitting up and scrambling off the bed to remove the harness. You laugh at your girlfriend’s frustration with the toy as she pulls and fiddles with the various straps, until the harness loosens and falls off her waist. “Not funny.” Jessie grumbles, placing the toy onto the nightstand.

She wastes no time climbing back between your legs, her hands picking up your thighs and bringing them over her shoulders. She brings her face to your core, her tongue beginning to lick long strokes, appreciating your taste and the feeling of having her mouth back on you. She hums into you. Giving you a few more long licks, Jessie begins to pay attention to your clit.

She gives it a few flicks, her tongue firm before a slow circle around the nerves, her eyes locked on yours intensely watching as you roll them back, enjoying the feeling of her. “You’re so good at that babe, fuck.” You watch as Jessie's eyes light up at the praise. She always liked being praised, being told she was pleasing you. You feel her increase her pressure, adding more suction with her lips, putting all of her focus onto your clit.

“God Jess.” Jessie moans into you in appreciation of your words. Your hand finds the top of her head, running your hand through her hair before gently scratching her scalp, knowing the action spurred her on. You feel yourself finding the edge that you had been looking for, feeling the tightness in your stomach growing, the tightening of your thighs, your muscles all tensing. Your hand holds Jessie's head tight to you, your other hand fists the bedsheet tightly as you peak. Your hips thrust against Jessie's tongue, you feel her hands try to hold your hips steady to let her keep pleasing you, a groan of her name falls from your lips followed by a whine, beginning to feel the sensitivity of your post orgasm. Your hips buck a few more times, trying to escape the now gentle stimulation that Jessie was giving you to work you through your orgasm.

The grip on your hips loosens and Jessie pulls her tongue away after giving you one final featherlight lick, looking all too proud of herself and cockly when she pulls up, resting her cheek on your inner thigh.

“What?” you say, knowing she was just proud of herself. She always was, Jessie would get so cocky watching you fall apart from her touch.

“Nothing, I just love you.”

“I love you, ya dork, come up here.” You motion for her to come kiss you and she does, resting her body weight onto you for a moment as you lips meet. You kiss for a bit before Jessie rolls off of you, lying beside you, draping an arm across your waist.

“Thank you for trying that with me.” You quickly glance at the strap that was still sitting, covered in lube and your slick, on the bedside table.

“I’ll try anything for you baby, I just want to make you feel good.” Jessie says as she leans up, planting a heavy kiss on your lips. “I think I just need more practice.”

“Well I’ll always be interested in practicing with you Jess.”

A/N pt 2: here’s part 2, tumblr is being a pain and not posting it under the tags

[lanadelreyscokewhor3]

marvel men- stoner edition

this is how i think the marvel men would act while you (and them) are high:) please enjoy and get baked appropriately, whichever method you choose stay safe! <3

peter parker

- one word. munchies.

-this man prepares an entire feast before the two of you get high and he gets so hungry it’s not even funny. you pray to get a bite in… but he cooks such good food, so you can’t complain.

-you bring over a desert so it’s even, last time it was chocolate fudge brownies and he kissed the chocolate off your lips

- he’s very touchy, always wanting to cuddle!1!1 more than normal, like he literally sits you on his lap despite there being an empty chair next to him

-you guys watch starwars movies often, or compilations of brain rot that you both know all the references to- you laugh with him for hours to the point you’re silently dying, tears down your face and needing to call a time out

-often times you get high at his place, with lots of low, dim christmas lights, open windows for the nice breeze (and so you can sit on the fire escape) and he always makes sure your spot on the bed is made and has stuffies!

-essentials- fuzzy blankets. his camera (to take pictures of you), fuzzy peaches and baggy clothes

bucky barnes

- super good at rolling. you make him roll everything for you and he pretends to get annoyed but secretly he loves it

- he has a much higher tolerance then you so it’s super funny when you’re already on cloud nine and he’s barley high yet, he makes fun of you

- he’s super protective of you if you guys go out, normally you go to the gas station to grab snacks because it’s close by, but despite this he holds you close and always is slightly in front of you when people are around to shield you

- you guys typically smoke at the little creek by your house and watch the stars or in your room, from out the window

- he really likes your room (mainly your bed) and is constantly insisting on cuddling, which results in you freaking out because he threatens to wear his outside clothes under the sheets if you don’t hurry up

- super calm and relaxed, but still alert to protect you! even if you’re in your home, he’s still a guard dog

- you tend to play with his hair and put butterfly clips in it (he “does not” like this)

- usually if you’re at your house you watch lord of the rings

- essentials- his fancy lighter he likes to show off, chocolate covered pretzels, baggy clothes and a nerf gun (to protect you ofc)

steve rogers

- says “do a flip!” to anyone who is on a high surface, including you

- he always brings his notebook because he claims his ideas flow better when he’s had a few hits, so sometimes he’ll just randomly pull it out and write or draw

- he likes to draw you a lot whenever you guys get high together

- huge video game lover! you guys play Minecraft together at his house and build little villages (and then he brings you to the nether with no weapons so you’re running around freaking out)

- #1 fruit gummy and goldfish lover

- if he slid his hand on your upper thigh and gave you that look he knows drives you wild, you would have 216 nickles. which isn’t a lot but it’s weird it happened 216 times (you fuck after)

- does spot on fuck boy impressions to make you piss your pants from laughing so hard

- essentials- a game, lunchbox snacks, thin blankets (so he doesn’t get hot, he’s picky), and his notebook

matt murdock

- he likes to eat “treats” that you bake, his favourite is the homemade rice kripsies with weed butter

- you guys always cheers them before you eat them after a nice homemade, candle lit dinner

- typically you guys lounge on the couch and like getting stoned when it’s storming so you can listen to the rain on the roof (his high, echoing loft makes it louder:) )

- he’s old fashioned, you guys make a charcuterie board and play board games like chutes and ladders and battleship

- matt like to run you a bath, light some candles and play with your hair while you watch a cheesy sitcom

- lazy make out sessions allll the time, and being perched up on his knee while he rubs your arms and back

- words of affirmation… always. he already tells you stuff all the time but when he’s stoned it’s every two sentences. “you’re so soft and sweet and so good” is a classic, where he rambles on

- just really romantic:) also SEXY! but sexy romantic. he takes care of you and touch is a must

essentials- red wine, sweet smelling candles, his dog eared box game of battleship and some good italian bread

loki laufeyson

- this man… yeah. sex!

- the two of you stretch out with a soft blanket and watch compilations of people acting like idiots and getting hurt, or super bad reality tv to laugh

- i feel like he’s artistic! whenever you guys smoke that side comes out even more, so you guys often paint together- recently you did that trend where you painted your partner in real time

- he’s a cat man so your black cat locks is always with you, curled up in a ball or slung across his shoulder

- he really likes frozen/ cold fruits. like frozen grapes. i feel he would have a deep connection to them and would feed them to you like some greek goddess

- sometimes you guys smoke before a night out in town, and you go see a play or something and eat sooo much popcorn up in those little balcony boxes

- late walks in the city too, to look at all the pretty lights and such! he often snags you a fresh baked good from a vendor to nibble one

- essentials- his cat, his grapes, and his lady!! also he has this really soft pair of sweatpants he likes to wear, black of course! you guys have matching ones

[dellalyra]

a scenario: where tsumikis schoolmate says shes going to have a little brother, and then she hints at the reader and gojo like "those baby clothes are cute" or "that baby is so cute" and gojo and reader are like this😐😐🤔

A/N: this was ADORABLE I just had to write headcanons oh my GOD.

• Tsumiki comes home from school one day and she’s acting… cagey. No cagey isn’t right. She’s being suspicious either way.

• She tells you that she and Megumi are going to stay at Aunty Koko’s this Saturday night, and you don’t remember planning a sleepover for them? Did you forget?

• She ensures you that you didn’t, she just wants to and then she’s telling Gojo that he should take you to dinner on Saturday night. He blinks owlishly and glances at you, to which you shrug – you’ve no idea where this weird behaviour is coming from. But she’s 13, and kids that age are weird.

• Satoru does as suggested and you both have a lovely evening and dinner then you return home to be ploughed right into the mattress – the perfect evening.

• Things continue as normal for a few days after that, then Tsumiki is sitting beside you as you both get your nails done and she keeps showing you videos on her phone of sweet babies – tiny little things – even one dressed as a little bear. You giggle and coo at them with her, not even thinking twice about them, little girls love cute things – and what’s cuter than a sweet, pudgy baby?

• A few days later, she dragged a box from the loft and it was full of you and Satoru’s baby photos – a tiny blu-eyed, white haired boy in professional photos and ones of baby you sitting in a field of flowers taken on a film camera by your mom, she keeps handing Satoru the photos of you and you the ones of him.

• She calls you in one day to her room, saying she needs help with her science homework – and shows you a notebook you know isn’t her school one filled with 4x4 boxes she’s drawn out. She explains it’s about genetics and can predict the genes of a baby.

• “So let’s use you and papa as our experiment!”

• She proceeds to explain to you (weren’t you helping her) what you and Satoru’s offspring might look like.

• By now you’re catching on.

• That night you and Satoru are laying in bed, and you fill him in on your theories about her antics lately.

• “So she wants a baby sibling? Isn’t Megs enough for her?” He laughs.

• “No, she wants a real child, not one who acts like a 70-year-old man.”

• “What about you?”

• “Do I want a sibling? No – my brothers enough for me thank you ‘toru.”

• “No, dumbass. Do you want a baby?”

• “With you?”

• “No with Nanamin – yes with me!”

• “You know I do, silly man. I thought we said we’d wait until my IUD was out. I’ve only 2 years left until I get it out. Then we could just, continue as we are and see what happens?”

• “That’s a perfect idea – think we should get some practice in though, so we can get it right.”

• The next incident came when she was watching you get ready one morning, putting on your make up.

• “Mama, where do you keep your pill?”

• “I don’t take the pill, ‘Miki. I have an IUD.”

• “The the inside one, right?” She asks, slightly crestfallen.

• As you were shopping that day, the boys off somewhere – you took Tsumiki to the clothes stores with you. She snuck up to you, and handed you a little bundle of yellow fabric. It was a tiny newborn sized Winnie the Pooh onesie.

• “This might be a bit small for you, ‘Miki.” You joked.

• “Not for me! I just thought I’d show you! Isn’t it adorable?” Then she passes you tiny green socks and a red and white mushroom design sun cap for babies.

• “You trying to tell me something, sweet girl?” You smile at her, one brow raised.

• She blushes, knowing she’s been caught. Her subtle tricks hadn’t been that subtle.

• “Hana in my class, her baby sister was just born and he’s so cute! I was just thinking, that maybe I could have one too?”

• You giggle at her.

• “Is this what’s been going on? The impromptu date night? The videos of babies? The questions about my IUD?”. She nods at you.

• “Would you be happy to wait 2 years? Because we’d love to give you another little sibling – you’re such a good big sister already. I promise we can go shopping in every baby store then, okay?” You say, planting a kiss on her head.

• She seems placated by that, starting to ask you what you’d name them when the time comes.

• Akio really would have loved her.

[foundmywei]

Buddie Fanfic Recs 1

Here are my favorite buddie fics! This post includes 40 of them

Check Part 2 and Part 3 for more

10k words or under

the wood marked for your fire by hattalove

(10,264 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

“Chim. Weird question?” Chimney’s chair creaks. Buck cranes his head over the back of the couch and watches him straighten up, pop his back, close the folder. “You only ever ask me weird questions,” he says, and then crosses the loft to sit in one of the armchairs. He levels Buck with a look that’s way too knowing for the amount of words they’ve exchanged. “What’s up?” He takes a breath. “What does it feel like to be a dad?” in which buck is used to wanting things he's not allowed to have; it's just that he never thought being a father would be one of them.

but, baby, watching you blush by calvingseason

(10,100 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

Eddie opens his mouth. Closes it. Finally, he settles on, “You told your parents you’re married? To a man?” Chimney and Hen both glance at him with twin looks that clearly mean he’s on his own with telling the rest of the story. Which—they had no problem teasing and joking about it three seconds ago, but now that Buck has to really get to the heart of the issue, they’re leaving it to him? Go fucking figure. “I told my parents,” Buck says, rubbing at the bridge of his nose with closed eyes, “that I’m married to you.” or, buck and eddie go to hershey for buck's high school reunion. the only problem? everyone thinks that they're married.

take my hand (take my everything) by cnomad

(10,307 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

When Buck has another near death experience, he decides the smartest thing to do is update his will. It's not a big deal, really—he just wants to take care of the people who matter most to him: Eddie and Chris. But to Eddie? To Eddie that's a pretty huge deal.

for all the perfect things i doubt by extasiswings

(5,199 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

Evan Buckley is really good in bed. Sometimes he wishes he wasn’t.

it was you, love by hammersmiths

(6,673 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

Eddie doesn’t realise the pattern until Karen says, “You’re collecting us like Pokémon.” “What, Wilsons?” Eddie says. He’s mostly distracted by Christopher on the couch, who is with Denny showing Miles, Hen and Karen’s newest foster, how to play Animal Crossing on his Switch. Miles is already developing the same starry-eyed look in his eyes Christopher himself gets around Buck. “You certainly don’t make it hard.” “Not Wilsons, dummy,” Karen says. “Lesbians.” Which is—not what Eddie was expecting her to say. “Uh. What?” or, Eddie befriends May and Linda at dispatch. Then realises some stuff.

you remind me of home (oh, baby, merry christmas) by catchingpapermoons

(7,247 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

“Buck, just come here,” Eddie says, and Buck feels his heart start to pound. “Do you need me to come get you?” “Oh.” He takes another deep breath. “You’re sure?” Eddie laughs. “Like Christopher won’t be over the moon that you’re here.” “For a month, Eddie.” “So?” -- or, Buck has to live with Eddie for a month, which would be fine if he wasn't in love with the guy.

one of the few things by thatnerdemryn

(7,222 words | General Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

“I want someone who’s going to take care of him, love him just as I would without babying him or making him feel like he can’t do things, you know? I want someone who is going to fight for him, not against him, who would literally go through hell for him because he deserves it--” Eddie cut himself off, but Hen didn’t need him to continue. “You want it to be Buck.” Maybe she should’ve been more surprised or she should’ve asked the question instead of saying it so surely and causing the bit of panic that erupted in Eddie’s eyes, but it was obvious in everything Eddie was expressing. Or five times that Eddie tells someone else that Buck is Christopher's legal guardian plus one time he finally tells Buck.

someday soon i'll make you mine by lecornergirl

(2,710 words | General Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

"I didn't raise him to be this dramatic, you know," Eddie mutters as they listen to Christopher making his way down the hallway to make his entrance. "He gets this from you."  Eddie doesn't seem to think there's anything unusual about what he's just said, but something warm blooms in Buck's chest. He gets this from you. His artificial, arbitrary line in the sand between parent and not is blurring once again. 

you can start a family who will always show you love by fleetinghearts

(8,185 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

“Yeah, yeah, he’s—he’s my kid, he’s my kid,” Buck tells her, tripping over his words in the effort to get this whole process to hurry the fuck up so he can see Chris. There’s the sound of something hitting the floor from behind him, followed by what might be plastic bouncing off the shiny hospital tiles. The person at the desk looks up in surprise, over Buck’s shoulder, and he turns to look too. Eddie’s standing there, Styrofoam cup rolling at his feet, coffee splattered all down the bottom of his faded blue jeans. The plastic lid of the cup skitters over the tile before coming to a stop a few feet away. He looks like someone punched him in the gut, absolutely shellshocked, something Buck can’t quite read behind the startled expression on his face. or, buck's looking for something, and the diazes let him know he already has it

can't see anyone but you by allyasavedtheday

(4,967 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

“Besides,” he says, clearing his throat. “Once I’m on the date, there’s no beating me. I know how to treat a date right.” Buck tilts his head to the side, his cocky smirk re-emerging as he appraises Eddie. “Wanna put your money where your mouth is, cowboy?” “What?” “Let’s go on a date,” Buck says like it’s obvious. Eddie splutters through some attempt at a response but Buck carries on speaking before he can come up with something to say. “You show me your best date moves and I’ll show you my best date moves and whoever’s better doesn’t have to pay for dinner.” * Post 6x17, Buck and Eddie decide to go on a practice date. It goes exactly how you think it would.

something to hold onto by foxwatson

(5,185 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

There’s about a palm’s width of distance between Eddie’s knee and Buck’s thigh, where they’re both sitting on Eddie’s couch. It would barely take any movement at all for Eddie to just nudge his leg over a little further, press their knees together and let his rest there. or the one where frank tells eddie he should work on letting himself want things, and eddie starts by cuddling with buck

accidents happen ( but i will love you on purpose) by withmeornotatall

(4,425 words | General Audiences | Chapters: 171)

"Buck..." Eddie says lowly. "Did you already put a load of laundry in?" "I had nothing to do whilst Chris was doing his math homework," he explains himself, turning back to Eddie. "And my workout stuff smelt so bad, Eddie. I almost cried." "Buck, let me do the groceries then—" "No, Eddie, its fine." Buck shakes his head resolutely. "You know I love shopping, especially with Chris. And beside, you still have to do the light load and then fold it all up. Even split of chores, I promise." Buck wonders if Hen and Chim ever split their errands on their days off, before Karen and Maddie. (OR: buck kisses eddie, goes grocery shopping with christopher, then realises he's in love with eddie, in that order)

I-10 by sunryder

(6,997 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

Instead of taking the 1-40 through Nashville back in 2012, Buck took the I-10 along the southern border. But once you were in West Texas, all roads led to El Paso. There was no getting out of the state without passing through it. Evan considered inevitability a pretty damn good analogy for Eddie Diaz. (Where Buck literally takes a different road and meets Eddie a few years early.)

baby, you were my picket fence by spaceprincessem

(6,179 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

Buck is all in. He’s one-hundred percent, give em everything he’s got, will do anything Maddie asks— “You can’t tell anyone,” Maddie suddenly becomes so serious Buck feels like he has whiplash. He blinks a few times, brow furrowed, “Well, yeah I know that.” “No, Buck,” Maddie leans forward covering his hand with her own, “I mean it. No one else is allowed to know about this.” Buck opens his mouth, but Maddie reads him like the traitorous sister that she is and cuts him off by saying, “That includes Eddie.” “Maddie,” Buck whines, and he’s very well aware at how pathetic it sounds, “that’s not fair! It’s — he’s — it’s Eddie!” [or Maddie wants to propose to Chimney. She gets Buck involved. Buck can't tell anyone. He somehow proposes to Eddie instead.]

all i know since yesterday by sibylsleaves

(6,082 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

Buck knows what he’s doing might be constituted as ‘a bit creepy,’ but he can’t really help it. He has a book in his lap, so it’s not like he’s just staring at Eddie, but—ok, so he hasn’t actually read a page in over twenty minutes, and in the meantime he has watched his best friend chop like six different kinds of vegetables to go in Bobby’s ragu. “How’s it going, Buck?” Hen asks, flinging herself into the adjacent arm chair. “Fine,” Buck says, barely looking at her. “But something’s up with Eddie.” or, Eddie flirts. Buck worries.

Break Glass in Case of Emergency by Beforeastorm

(2,894 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

Eddie’s mind wandered to the red folder, tucked high up in the back of his closet. He recalled back to a conversation he had with Buck, almost a year ago at this point:

“It’s an insurance policy; a break glass in case of emergency. A trump card.” “One I really hope we’ll never have to use.” “But if we have to, we’ll be really glad we did this.” When hospital policy doesn't allow Chris, as an unrelated minor, to visit a comatose post-lightning strike Buck in the ICU, Eddie has a solution. Unfortunately, that involves sharing some pretty personal information in a waiting room filled with the 118.

like a heartbeat racing by elisela

(3,600 words | General Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

Buck can do this. He can totally do this, it’s just a favor for Maddie, and what’s he good at if not helping out his sister? Sure, doing a cake tasting when you’re neither the bride nor the groom is a little … unorthodox … but it’s cake. He loves cake, he specifically ate fewer carbs all week so he could pig out to his heart’s content on cake, delicious, fluffy cake, and he can do this. “I can’t do this,” he blurts out the night before, pacing the apartment with Eddie on speakerphone. “Maddie said she told them I would be coming so at least I don’t have to pretend to be Chim, but how pathetic is it to show up to a cake tasting alone?”

you were the wilderness I crossed into by rowan_wood

(9,218 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

“Truth.” “How many times have you fallen in love?” The table was quiet, but Eddie didn’t take long to think it over. “Three times.” “With who?” Lucy asked. “Nope, not part of the question,” he smiled at Lucy, easy as anything. Buck tried to count quickly in his head, the math not adding up. “My turn, right?” Eddie asked the group. “Chim. Truth or dare.” or: the 118 has a 24 hour shift, and zero calls. The firefam spends it playing games, and everyone takes the opportunity to tell Buck just how much they love him.

11k - 40k words

The Family We Choose by maybeamystery

(20,468 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

“Hey, bud!” says the scowling man, suddenly all smiles. The smile changes his face into something beautiful; Kelly realizes that this kid has not one but two hot dads. As he’s swept into the arms of his other dad and they start off in the direction of the nearest ice cream shop, Kelly says to the curly-haired man, “You two have an adorable son.” [10 times Buck is mistaken for Christopher's dad and 2 times it's not a mistake. Contains major spoilers for 5x14]

a leaf falls on loneliness by iimpossible_things

(11,163 words | Not Rated | Chapters: 1/1)

Buck doesn’t think that if he were to say, “I’m in a bad place”, that anyone would turn him away. Really, he doesn’t. The 118 has too many good, kind people for that. But every time he wants to open his mouth, to say something, to reach out to Eddie or Bobby or Hen or Chim, he hears Eddie yelling, “you’re exhausting.” —you’re exhausting, you’re exhausting, you’re exhausting— So each day he does his job and he laughs and he jokes and he pretends he’s the care-free goofball he’s always been. And each day he packs away his bruises and his worries, takes them home to his empty loft with its quiet rooms, and licks his wounds in silence.

Buy Back the Secrets by allyasavedtheday

(18,808 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 3/3)

He casts his gaze to the right, to the voice he’d heard a minute ago and the hand still on his shoulder. And, well. Okay. So Buck may have just been unconscious for an indeterminable length of time but he doesn’t think he’s exaggerating when he says the guy leaning over his bedside is one of the most attractive people he’s seen in a long time. Especially when his face splits into a smile that rivals the brightness of the hospital lights that almost just fucking blinded Buck a second ago. “Welcome back, hotshot,” the guy says and it sounds fond – familiar – and Buck honestly has no idea who this guy is. His brown hair is dishevelled on top of his head and his eyes look tired but then Buck notices the LAFD t-shirt so- alright. Someone from the firehouse, maybe? But he’s pretty sure he’d remember a face like that. * After getting hurt on a call, Buck wakes up thinking it's 2018. AKA Buck can't remember who Eddie is but he's pretty sure everyone's lying when they say they're "just friends."

you're my whole house by hammersmiths

(11,958 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

Eddie shrugs. “Christopher mentioned to Daniel that Buck and I are partners. I mean, sure, it’s a little weird that she invited him over as well, but—” “Partners,” Hen interrupts, “like work partners?” Eddie and Buck glance at each other. “Uh, yeah?” Eddie says. “What other type of partner?” Hen stares at them for a moment, before she bursts out laughing. “You dumbasses. She thinks you’re together.”

the distance to the stars by cloudydaisies

(27,258 words | General Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

“Didn’t know you were seeing someone.” Buck just laughs. Like, honest to god giggles. Eddie is stuck fighting off doubly massive waves of butterflies and confusion, all while Buck just gazes down at him. “That’s cute,” he hears Buck mumble, just before climbing into the truck, calling Eddie after him. - or, everyone knows eddie is dating buck except for eddie, literally.

The Definition of Love and All Things Ineffable by ElvenSorceress

(29,351 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 3/3)

Maddie asks him, like she’s been waiting to ask him, “Does Christopher call you ‘Uncle Buck’?” It’s… it sounds so casual. Nonchalant. Maybe even reasonable? And like there’s something she’s trying to figure out, but why would Chris ever call Buck his uncle? He’s Jee-Yun’s uncle. “No,” Buck answers. “Why?” “He called me Aunt Maddie.” She tips her head curiously, brows knit together. “You’re far closer to him than I am. I thought if I’m his aunt, you’d have to be his uncle. Why wouldn’t you be Uncle Buck?” There are pieces of chicken mushed into Jee’s fingers and carrots sticking to the bib draped over her front and what might be peas caught in her hair. And Buck doesn’t really have an answer. It’s just. It’s wrong. He’s not Chris’ Uncle Buck. Maybe he should be? Maybe he’s supposed to be? Or maybe Chris doesn’t call him that directly because he’s always been BFF Buck or His Buck. He shrugs and uneasiness settles in his stomach. What more could he ever be to Chris but an uncle? ~~~ In which Buck processes his breakup, learns his place in his family, has a huge crisis of sexuality, and finds the truth about love beating in his own heart.

Didn't think you meant it by EtoileGarden

(33,519 words | Explicit | Chapters: 12/12)

“Y’know,” he said. Shrugged again. “That last call? I kind of thought I’d have that by now.” “What,” Eddie raised his eyebrows at him. “A roof collapsing on you?” Buck grunted, elbowed Eddie. Lightly, because he did appreciate the humour in Eddie’s voice. “No,” he said. “Just - married.”

drink the river dry by Rianne

(32,215 words | Explicit | Chapters: 1/1)

It wasn’t until they were discussing his discharge paperwork and painkiller schedules that it really sunk in for Eddie that Buck would be staying with him and Christopher. That he would be around 24/7 except for his shifts at work. That he’ll sleep on the couch, where he’s been sleeping for days now to look after Christopher. The worst part is that it’s necessary—Eddie isn’t going to be able to do a damn thing for himself for the next couple of weeks. He’s lucky if he can put a shirt on by himself a month from now. Yeah, that’s going to be a problem. Or: Eddie gets shot, breaks up with his girlfriend, and pines like there’s no tomorrow.

Despite it all, Because of it all by kitkatpancakestack

(23,747 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

He puts the truck in park in front of Eddie’s childhood home. Christopher shifts in the back, already unbuckling his seatbelt. Eddie is frozen with his jaw set, eyes hard and unblinking as they bore holes through the windshield. Buck was here once before, after that relief trip to Texas, but he is under no illusions that this time will be similar. For one, he doesn’t have the buffer of other firefighters to hide behind. This isn’t a visit that will last a couple hours, and so the sugary, superficial niceties will eventually crumble when it’s mid-way through the week and he’s still hanging around. There is also the shadow of everything that has happened since the wildfires skulking behind them, waiting to be found out. But, this is Eddie and Christopher, needing him to have it together, so he paints on a smile and squeezes Eddie's knee and slides out of the truck. * Eddie's dad gets sick. Buck goes with him and Christopher to El Paso.

you light the spark in my bonfire heart by woodchoc_magnum

(22,669 words | Mature | Chapters: 2/2)

A post-5b fic, in which Buck slowly realises that he's been in love with Eddie this whole time.

some day i'll fall into you by allyasavedtheday

(13,467 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

I got you. I got you. I got you.

“You said that,” he says, clearing his throat around the emotion clogging his windpipe. “In the firetruck. I heard you.”

Buck leans back enough that they’re looking at each other. The hand he’d had on the back of Eddie’s head moves to the side of his neck, his thumb pressing lightly against the hinge of Eddie’s jaw.

Eddie swallows around the lump in his throat and meets his gaze. “I believed you then.”

Buck sighs like the breath has been punched out of him and leans forward to press their foreheads together. “Believe me now,” he murmurs and Eddie’s not sure if it’s a plea or a request but he finds himself nodding anyway.

“Okay.”

*

A look at how Eddie deals with his recovery post-4x14.

I Know a Place We Can Go by maybeamystery

(15,580 words | Explicit | Chapters: 1/1)

“Well, that was heartwarming,” Chimney says loudly. “Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s go save some lives. In WeHo. Where Buck goes to gay bars because he is apparently a bisexual now.” “I’ve always been a bisexual,” Buck sniffs. “You just didn’t notice.” “There are gay bars outside of WeHo,” Hen adds. “Just saying.” [5 times Buck and Eddie get hit on in West Hollywood and 1 time they definitely do not]

Tick Tick Boom by ChasetheWindTouchtheSky

(30,439 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

“Did you know if you put a frog in water and slowly bring it to boiling, it won’t hop out?” Chris is chattering as Buck makes a quick dinner while Eddie argues with his gas company on the phone. He can hear the occasional swear word in Spanish as his voice raises. Eddie doesn’t like to raise his voice around Christopher – the very thought makes Buck want to kiss him full on the mouth – so he decided to take it to the living room while Chris sits with his homework in the kitchen and Buck cooks. “Hmm?” Buck asks, unable to fully pull himself out of Bobby’s baked mac and cheese recipe. It took him years, but he finally convinced the man to write it down. Bobby’s handwriting was juvenile at best on a good day, but this was nearly unreadable. Buck wonders if he did that on purpose. “Frogs?” “Yeah!” Chris states. “My teacher said that if you put a frog in a pot, you have to make sure it’s not immediately boiling. You put them in water and then slowly raise the temperature and they won’t realize what’s happening. Then once they realize, they have no place to go. They can’t jump out.” * S6 Spec: Buck decides he doesn’t need therapy, reverts to some bad habits, and explodes. Or, the Breakdown Fic.

40k+ words

To Build a Home We Deconstruct Our Rituals by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

(44,248 words | Explicit | Chapters: 11/11)

After the shooting, Eddie realizes he needs to put some things in place. Like who will get his assets if he dies. Who will speak for him if he ends up in a coma. What might happen if his family contests Buck's guardianship. Luckily, he's got a simple easy-peasy solution that won't result in insanity, catastrophe, or heartbreak:

Marry Buck.

the mortifying ordeal of being known by Polish_Amber

(60,866 words | General Audiences | Chapters: 7/7

The thing was, the 118 was full of gossips. Eddie had been at the station less than a week before Hen and Chim wrangled details about his “hot young thing” from him (“Buck is only 4 years younger than me, he is not a ‘hot young thing’!” Eddie complained.) And Bobby was open about his worries for his son’s lack of direction and the secrets he appears to be keeping (“I just wish I could help Evan find the thing that gives him purpose,” Bobby lamented.) It just made it all the more ridiculous (and horrifying) when Eddie realizes he’s been dating his Captain’s son this whole time (“Defiling his baby,” Chimney cackled, because he clearly wanted Eddie murdered.) -- Or, the AU where miscommunication abounds as Eddie seeks advice about his new relationship, Bobby despairs over his adopted son's career prospects and his refusal to talk about it, and Evan Buckley-Nash juggles training at the fire academy, building a family with his new boyfriend, and trying to work out how to tell his overprotective dad that he's already chosen the life he wants, actually. It takes a goddamn tsunami, of all things, to get the story straight.

Stuck on Fast Forward (Throw Away the Blueprint) by extasiswings

(42,884 words | Explicit | Chapters: 9/9)

“Sounds like the problem is you think casual sex with a stranger or finding someone new to date are your only options.” Eddie’s brow furrows. “Aren’t they?” “I mean, there’s always…someone you already know. Who you’re already comfortable with.” “Because my pool of male friends who are single and who would be interested in having sex with me has so many options?” “Well, I don’t know about many, but you only need one,” Buck points out. “And who would that be?” “Me, of course.” [Or: Frank gives Eddie therapy homework, Eddie misunderstands the assignment, and Buck is just a really supportive friend...right?]

Don't Take My Sunshine Away by SevenSoulmates

(113,785 words | Mature | Chapters: 21/21)

Eddie is in a coma, and Buck blames himself. He should've been there to protect Eddie. The least he can do now is to be there for Christopher, even if Buck doesn't know if he has it in him to be a parent without Eddie. Buck makes Eddie a deal: he'll fight for Christopher in the real world, while Eddie fights to wake up. Eddie's come a long way since those bleak days in El Paso, listening to his parents comments about how he's not fit to be a father. How Christopher doesn't deserve to be dragged down by the likes of Eddie and Shannon. Eddie thought after moving to LA, he and Chris had escaped that. When he wakes up and finds Buck neck-deep in a legal battle with his parents for custody of Christopher, Eddie must face his own mistakes, and find the confidence to stand up for himself against his absolute worst nightmare.

i think i belong to you (hope you feel the same) by Ran

(41,111 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 4/4)

Buck’s taking him to therapy, where he knows Eddie’s therapist’s name and Eddie’s entire history with him; Buck, who let himself into Eddie’s house with food from Eddie’s favorite coffee shop with coffee crafted perfectly for Eddie’s tastes; Buck, who apparently has a book on Eddie’s coffee table with so many dog-eared pages it’s like any interruption at Eddie’s house is worth putting it down. Buck, who touches him with a devotion as palpable as all the little pieces of himself scattered throughout Eddie's home. Eddie thinks he might have solved his own question, but he’s afraid to look at the answer too closely—because he’s fairly certain his best friend is in love with him, and Eddie can’t remember a single thing about him. Or, the one where Eddie wakes up from the shooting only to think he was hurt in a certain 7.1 earthquake years prior and learns to appreciate the life he's created for himself since then.

Overcome by Spicysauce

(53,697 words | Mature | Chapters: 10/10)

“I’m not leaving you, Buck.” Eddie says with a tired sigh, like he’s struggling with the weight of the world and Buck’s the one who put it there. “Just switching jobs, that’s all.” That’s all?, Buck wants to scream, because every relationship he has is tied to the job in some way, and first Maddie left, and then it was Chimney, and now it’s Eddie. But he doesn’t scream, because that would be a little bit too tragic, even for him, and nods instead. Bites his tongue. Pretends that he isn't falling apart where he's stood. *** Or, set post season 5A, where Buck is alone, and angry, and exhausted, but mostly terrified that everyone he loves is slowly slipping away from him.

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Buck by sunryder

(50,287 words | Mature | Chapters: 13/13)

Red is dying and Buck is fucked up about it. Not just about losing a friend, but about ending up like Red: dying alone without the people who used to be his team. Buck doesn’t want to go out like that. It might take him a few panic attacks, a road trip, and a book recommendation, but Buck is going to tidy his life up.

let the world have its way with you by fleetinghearts

(54,477 words | Explicit | Chapters: 1/1)

“It’s just that—I died,” Buck continues, voice unsteady enough that Eddie wonders if this is the first time he’s acknowledged that out loud. “I died, and there’s so much more. There’s so much more I want to do, things I don’t even know I want to do yet, and I almost had the chance to have and live them taken away. I don’t want to die and regret missing out on everything else, Eddie.” “So let’s make a list,” Eddie says. “Let’s do them.” or, a bucket list that’s really about buck needing to make a change and an eddie who’s ready to do anything to see him fall in love with life again. it takes some crossing off for eddie to realise—the thing at the top of the list in his own heart? it’s been right here all along

you and me by woodchoc_magnum

(55,411 words | Mature | Chapters: 2/2)

An alternate ending to Season 6, where Buck realises that what he's been searching for has been right in front of him the whole time.

[lemotmo]

They just don't get it. They intentionally don't want to get it. It's bizarre. The Max thing was spot on and I never thought of that before!

Q. I'm going to ask this with good intentions so hopefully you respond with equally good intentions. I don't understand how you all can honestly say they didn't have any buildup because I'm sorry they did. And they ended episode 5 in a truly good and sweet place so breaking them up in the very next episode was indeed a weird and out of nowhere choice. And I understand you're all excited, odd way to truly show love for Buck but that's not my business I guess. But Ryan pretty clearly shut down the Buddie stuff in his interviews So I don't know why you're so convinced.

A. Anon, I always attempt to answer asks with good intentions. But it's difficult not to sound perplexed when answering asks you know the sender doesn't actually believe themselves. They had absolutely no build up. You all keep throwing that word around and not a single one of you have offered any kind of example as to the build up you're talking about. The man was barely ever on screen. Buck barely ever spoke about him when he wasn't on screen. Build up is impossible if neither one of those things are occurring.

They met. They had a misunderstanding of a first kiss. They had a terrible first date that ended with Buck standing alone on a curb. Buck had a lovely conversation with Maddie about said terrible date, but that was an accident. He went to her because he was upset about lying to Eddie. Maddie even told Buck he wasn't sure of his own feelings ( I admit that personally I always leaned more into Maddie was probably talking about Buck not being sure of his attraction to a man in the first place, but Maddie has had Buck's underlying Eddie thing pegged since her arrival and his first kiss with Tommy was entirely muddled by his obvious misplaced confusion regarding Eddie so it's even more likely Eddie is who she was talking about). She then told Buck if he decided he had something to tell Eddie then he would. The entire conversation was Eddie based. Tommy made a brief appearance at the bachelor party, didn't bother dressing for the occasion, looked bored, yawned and then went to fight a fire. He and Buck didn't have a single conversation. He showed up at the hospital wedding, had a second kiss so Buck could have a mass coming out (the point of that scene was to ensure that Eddie was the only one who Buck personally came out too. Eddie was the only one he wanted the actual conversation with. That was the point of the hospital scene). Buck and Tommy have a weird date in the season finale where Tommy briefly mentions issues with his father after Buck tries to initiate a conversation about Bobby. Then he made a daddy sex joke. He had one scene in the premier with Buck and Eddie and spoke two lines. 'That sounds like Gerard ' and 'you're a vision in a cone'. We don't see him again until 8x5. He briefly shows up at the hospital and joins with Eddie in mocking Buck for his belief in curses. We see him at the loft with Buck where he brings him an ice pack and ibuprofen (which Buck is likely allergic too) and then tells Buck to turn off his laptop and go to bed while Buck is trying to talk about the Billy Boils stuff he's looked up. We see him sitting at the table the next day while Eddie, who Tommy called btw, is tending to Buck's face. We see him at the hospital with the team being the only one who doesn't receive the group text about Denny, making it noticeable that Tommy is an outsider (the entire point of him being in that scene). Then we see him at the graveyard with Buck but he's in the background and blurry. It is a clear contrast to the Buck and Eddie graveyard scene from season 6 where Eddie is standing beside Buck at the gravestone. Both scenes were written by the same person so it was a clear, intentional parallel. In episode 6 we see their anniversary date. Tommy gave Buck basketball tickets, the audience knows Buck doesn't like basketball (everyone knew it was over in that moment). Buck learns that Tommy used to date Abby. Tommy tells him that Abby went nuts after he broke up with her and took up with some 'himbo' half her age. The audience knows he's talking about Buck. Buck goes to Maddie and then Josh with his concern. Josh gives a speech that is so blatantly about Eddie it's laughable, I'm ignoring the glee part because gross. Tommy shows up for a date. Buck does what Buck always does when he's unsure of his true feelings and tries to double down on the relationship. He asks Tommy to move in with him. Tommy tells him that he can't do that because he knows how their relationship ends. He tells Buck that he's his first not his last. Buck makes a point of saying some people can be both. The show makes a point of having Tommy say yes but not usually. It was intentional to force that dialogue exchange into that scene because although Eddie won't be Buck's first he will be his last. Buck will be Eddie's first AND his last. Making Buck the exception to the rule Tommy is telling him about. Even their breakup was used to foreshadow Buck and Eddie.

This was their entire canon relationship. Where is a single scene of build up? Where is a single scene of great potential? There isn't one. Because all this relationship ever was was Buck's bisexual realization. The show used it to finally make Buck aware of his attraction to men. The rest of the relationship was used to juxtapose the contrasts between Eddie and Tommy. The show purposely made them surface level similar so they could highlight their differences as far as Buck goes. Tommy was a plot point for Buck's storyline. And a subplot leading into the Buck and Eddie storyline. He was never a character in his own right. He never had agency. He was never anything other than a plot point for Buck. Everything you all are screaming about are Cameos you paid for and headcanons you invented. It was a relationship built entirely in your minds and through Lou's grifting of you. That's not our fault. That's not the show's fault. And it's definitely not Oliver's fault. It's your fault. And it is Lou's fault. You're entirely to blame for your pain.

I'm only going to add one thing regarding the interviews because I think we've all explained the interview things at nauseam at this point. But I will say this. Every interview Ryan does with Max comes off as weird. Every single one. Ryan always overcompensates in Max interviews because I think he goes into them automatically on the defensive. Max has openly talked about is dislike of Ryan and it's clear that Ryan is not comfortable during those interviews and it comes across in his responses. Everything sounds defensive in those interviews. I ignore those interviews entirely. The show really should stop forcing Ryan to talk to him, at least in my opinion. Anyway anon, you already knew all of this but I condensed it nicely for you. Enjoy!

Thanks Nonny! Much appreciated!

I don't understand how people can see buildup in a relationship that only got 41 minutes in total over a couple of episodes in season 7 and 8. All their scenes were awkward and devoid of any chemistry. In season 8 there wasn't even any physical contact anymore, besides a kiss on the cheek. That isn't buildup. That is plot device.

As for Max Gao? Yeah, ever since Max wanted to get an interview with Ryan a few years back and it didn't work out, he's been really obvious in his dislike for Ryan. It must be an uncomfortable situation for Ryan.

All of the other interviews? Just forget about them for a while. Read them, but take them with a big bag of salt and forget them. Focus on the show and the story they seem to be telling us. Follow the clues in the narrative. Don't listen too much to showrunners and actors. They will deflect if they feel someone might get too close to the truth.

We've had so many examples in the past of 911 actors talking about things that didn't turn out to be true. This is following the same pattern in my opinion.

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[capseycartwright]

hiiiiiiii lorna it’s only weird if you make it weird if u want<3

a throwback to quarantine era because there's just not enough of it u know?

Eddie Diaz is a grown man. He probably shouldn’t need to clarify that, but he is a grown man – and as a grown man of thirty-something years of age, he shouldn’t be feeling so weird about sharing a bed with his best friend.

Except he might be having a panic attack of some kind.

“Eddie,” Buck huffed, squirming as he got settled on the left side of his California King. He looked laidback, and comfortable – which was to be expected, Eddie supposed, given this was Buck’s bed, and Buck’s home. Eddie had always struggled with comfort, and he relied on being in his own space to find that comfort: and now, he was here, in Buck’s loft, sharing the relatively small space with three other people, and he wasn’t sure when he’d actually be able to go home to his own house, to his son.

“Buck,” Eddie mimicked, trying to use sarcasm to cover up his nervousness.

He didn’t know why he was being so weird.

(He did –

His slowly changing feelings toward Buck were something Eddie didn’t have the mental – or emotional – capacity to deal with just yet, and then the world went mad, and they were in lockdown and there was a killer virus spreading through the world, and now Eddie was having to face sharing a bed with his best friend who he might – maybe – have some less than platonic feelings toward, and –

He was being weird about it.)

“You have to get in bed if you’re going to sleep,” Buck hummed, folding his arms across his chest. He was wearing pyjamas, a garish cartoon character printed on the front of the grey material.

“I just – is it weird?” Eddie hopped from left, to right, the cool wood of Buck’s bedroom floor cold under his bare feet. But he’s not an animal – he wasn’t going to sleep with socks on and face the cripplingly domestic task of finding the socks he would inevitably kick off during the night under the weight of the shared duvet.

“It’s only weird if you make it weird,” Buck shrugged, seemingly unbothered by the prospect of sharing a bed with Eddie for the foreseeable future.

“I snore,” Eddie offered.

“I talk in my sleep,” Buck countered. “I kick sometimes, too – so sorry in advance to your shins. Any other arguments to make?”

Nightmares, Eddie wanted to say –

Sometimes, he woke up screaming and he couldn’t remember why: and other times, he woke up screaming and the why felt terrifyingly vivid: it was Afghanistan, it was watching Shannon die, it was losing Christopher and that constant fear that Eddie wasn’t a good enough father, it was watching the ladder truck up and the weight of it crush Buck while Eddie screamed Buck’s name until his lungs burned.

“I’m a restless sleeper,” he finally settled on a more measured set of words: because admitting to the fact that his sleep was plagued by nightmares and insomnia felt as though it wasn’t something he could talk about right now – and maybe wasn’t the right moment, either, given the tension that had crept into every corner of Buck’s loft as the four of them wondered how long they might have to live like this: crushed in like sardines, desperate to protect their families from a virus they didn’t know enough about yet.

Buck grinned. “I’m a deep sleeper,” he countered. “So, we’re a perfect match.”

Eddie couldn’t argue anymore, and so he nodded, padding the final few metres to the right side of Buck’s bed, tugging his side of the duvet free, sliding in, the cotton of Buck’s sheets soft under his skin. Buck’s bed was big, sure, but they were two relatively big guys – so Buck’s shoulder was pressed to his, as Eddie tried to get settled.

“It’ll be okay,” Buck reassured, his voice quiet, quiet enough to make sure that Hen, and Chimney couldn’t hear from downstairs. Those words were for Eddie, and Eddie alone.

Eddie appreciated it so much he could cry.

“How do you know that?” he wasn’t great, at voicing his fears, but Buck had always made him feel comfortable enough to admit to some of those dark thoughts running a marathon inside of his head.

“Because,” Buck nudged Eddie’s shoulder, the faint outline of his smile in the dim light of the loft all the reassurance that Eddie had ever needed to get through the worst days of his life. “It always is, when you and I have anything to do with it.”

And yeah –

Maybe Buck was right.

send me a 'there was only one bed' prompt

[qfzeeph]

Suprise! You get Zeeph Writings today because I am very sick and thinking about him to keep me sane :3

♡Kaito (Vocaloid) x Reader/Master HCs [3]♡

♡Reader is Sick♡ ♡Kaito is taking care of them!!♡

☆Since he's a weird android-type thing, Kaito doesn't really get sick in the way we do. Which makes him all the more available to take care of you when you fall ill.

☆it doesn't matter what you've got. This man will be by your side until the day you recover, wether that be if you're stuck at home or in the hospital recieving care. (For the sake of this post, reader is mainly going to be ill at home.) ☆He'll happily sleep on the floor when you're too sick to share a bed. He tries to stay close by to you incase you need anything ☆if you DO need anything, he'll do his best to have it right away. Tissues, ginger ale, you name it. ☆Keeping high spirits while you're sick is important. Kaito is really good at making you feel happy even when you're feeling your worst. He'll sing lullabies to you to help you sleep, watch TV with you to make you feel less alone, and even sits on the side of your bed when he can so you can hold his hand. He won't let you feel like you're suffering alone even for a second. ☆Sometimes being sick isn't pretty. Even when you're a disgusting hot mess, he's going to be right by your side to help you clean up. Hell, he'd help you clean yourself up, send you back to bed, and then take on the rest of the cleaning on his own so you can rest. He doesn't care how gross the mess ends up being, because if it's for you it's worth it. ☆Likewise, you have a washing machine. If something gets on the scarf, it gets on the scarf. He understands human illness isn't always just the sniffles and icky things do happen. He isn't going to get mad at you if he gets a little dirty trying to care for you. ☆Kaito tries not to be too clingy while you're sick. He understands that cuddling and hugging and being attached to you at all times is more stressful than comforting when you're not feeling well. He can't wait for you to be back on your feet so he can shower you with affection again. Though, sometimes he can't help himself and leaves little kisses on the top of your hand or forehead. If he's sitting next to your bed, a little hair ruffle means the world to him. ☆The first thing he'll want to do together after you recover completely is either take you to go get ice cream or alternatively your favorite sweet dessert. He'll even pay for it since you deserve a nice treat after all you've gone through. ...so basically, I have the norovirus ;A; it is NOT fun! But thinking about my blue guy makes me feel a little better. I'm cooped up on the couch (I have a loft bed and was having a hard time getting in/out of it) with one of my Kaito plushies to keep me company. As usual, thanks for givin' a read and hope everyone is healthy! ...at least healthier than I am right now :(((

[morganaspendragonss]

you only see the light shine in dark times

5.01 has apparently given me inspiration again we love to see it! enjoy! ao3 | 1k | 5.01 coda, angst and hurt/comfort

He’s grown used to it by now, to Carlos rushing off in the middle of lunch dates and coming home in the middle of the night. He’s grown used to the thousand-yard stares and the constant presence of that case looming over them. He’s grown used to sleeping alone.

But it still hurts. It still aches something deep within TK when he spends yet another night with only Lou Two for company. He could invite people over, the crew, his dad, but he doesn’t want them to know that this is what his life – his marriage – has become. They wouldn’t understand, and he thinks perhaps his dad would understand a little too well, which is an uncomfortable thought.

Not that his marriage is going to end up like his parents’. TK won’t let it. And he is proud of Carlos; deeply, wholly, overwhelmingly so. Seeing him on the news tonight, standing at the chief’s right hand, the youngest Ranger in the line-up by far, had sent a pulse of love and pride directly to TK’s heart, where it still sits, beating strongly away. He loves Carlos for his dedication to his work, and he wouldn’t have him any other way.

But he would have him at home.

The loft isn’t a big place, smaller even than his New York apartment, but right now it feels cavernous, yawning around him. He can almost hear the echo of his feet on the concrete as he sets Lou back in his tank and clears up for the night. The remaining peppers go in the fridge, alongside the leftovers of a dinner he’d made last night in the foolish hope that they could share a full meal together without worrying about call-outs or cases. Instead, TK had been left with too much chicken pasta and Carlos had eaten vending machine energy bars and peanuts.

TK doesn’t fully trust that he won’t do the same tonight, but there’s nothing he can do about it now, except leave the light by the window on. He imagines it’s a beacon, a sole light in the dark, and he imagines that Carlos can see it from his office all the way across town. 

Come home, he thinks, wishes, prays. Come home to me.

Even after he gets in bed, he always tries to stay up for a while, waiting to hear the door rolling along the tracks, Carlos shuffling about, the click of the lamp being turned off. It’s a rare occasion, but it’s happened once or twice, and TK likes to feign sleep until Carlos is finally settled next to him. Then, he’ll pretend to stir, just a little, and he’ll roll over to pull him close.

Tonight, as with most nights, he doesn’t make it, though he’s not sure what time it is when he finally falls asleep. All he knows is that it’s late and Carlos still hasn’t come home.

*

While nights are an ever rarer privilege, TK can usually count on at least a few minutes with his husband in the mornings. Which is why he panics this morning, when he wakes up not to Carlos in bed with him, but to coldness on the other side of the bed. It’s happened before when he’s overslept after a long or late shift, but yesterday’s was neither, and a quick glance at his phone tells him it’s not even seven yet. If Carlos hasn’t come home… But he has to have come home, because who will TK call now that Gabriel is gone? 

His phone is in his hand anyway before he’s managed to disentangle himself from the bedsheets, but it’s proved unnecessary a second later. The bedroom door slides open and Carlos appears on the other side, smiling despite the exhaustion lying heavy across his features. 

“Hey, I thought I heard you,” he says, coming to sit on the bed next to TK. He puts a hand on TK’s knee, his thumb rubbing gently across the skin. “You look upset, what’s going on?”

TK waits before answering. It’s a difficult question to answer these days; he can’t let Carlos know what’s really wrong because that… Well, that’s an argument he doesn’t want to have just yet. 

“Nothing,” he decides. “Just, weird dreams, you know. What time did you get in last night?”

Carlos’s expression shutters and he pulls his hand back, ostensibly to look at his watch. “Uhh, no idea. I stopped for something to eat on the way, so.”

“Good.”

The silence that falls between them is tense, awkward in a way it so rarely is between them. TK doesn’t know how to fix this, doesn’t know when it broke in the first place. It was gradual, cracks forming with every missed dinner and late night. Sometimes it feels like the only thing connecting them is that light by the window, left on as a sign that there is someone to come home to. 

Carlos sucks in a deep breath and TK turns to him, already knowing what he’ll say. 

“I was just about to head out, wanted to see you before I left. You should go back to sleep.” He pats TK’s knee again and makes to stand, but TK snatches his hand before he can fully pull away. 

“I’m awake now,” he tries, pouring as much love as he can into the words. “Maybe I can drive you to work, we can pick up some breakfast on the way? I’ll pick you up when you finish.”

Carlos smiles, but it’s small and regretful. “I already ate, and I don’t want to bother you on your day off.”

“It’s not–”

“Besides, I might stay late again,” Carlos interrupts. “I’m not sure, but I have to keep working on this, TK. I can’t– I couldn’t forgive myself if I stopped.”

TK nods. “I understand.”

And he does. He does. Still. His heart sinks as he lets go of Carlos, allowing him to stand up and leave.

“I’ll leave a light on for you,” he calls out as Carlos reaches the door. “I love you.”

Carlos turns back once, smiles. “Love you.”

Then he’s gone, and TK is alone again.

[mazzystar24]

Something something Bobby talking to Eddie about how Athena was there for him when he was struggling and Buck also defining love as never giving up on a person when they are at their worst which is so similar to what Bobby is getting at

And hmm who has been their for each of them when they are at their lowest? Let’s look at some examples:

Eddie being the one to drag buck out of bed when he was depressed after the bombing and pulmonary embolism

Then he shows up for him again and reassures him when Buck was dealing with the guilt he felt in the aftermath of the tsunami

Buck being the one to breakdown the door and help Eddie deal with his mental breakdown

Eddie being Buck’s safe place to go after everyone showed up at his loft to check in after the lightening

The lawsuit era and Eddie’s fighting and how they both just spiralled further because they weren’t able to be there for eachother

Eddie being the one buck went and talked to after that cursed dinner with his parents

Eddie being there for buck (hospital jail scene) when maddie was kidnapped by Doug

Eddie being there to rationalise and talk to buck after chimney punched him and left and maddie left before that

Buck admitting to Eddie in the graveyard scene that he is very much not okay and just feels the need to pretend to be the same old buck

I’m pretty sure this isn’t even all of them but yeah I feel like it’s so weird for them to keep including lines about love being so interlinked with this concept of being there for someone at their lowest and then consistently showing us that when buck and Eddie are at their lowest they are each others person to turn to

Like oh my god I actually sob like they trust eachother with the most fragile, the most painful, the most dark parts of themselves and are so vulnerable with eachother time and time again

[leandra-kinard]

Lots of speculation on the order of things after those stills came out, and some slightly weird takes on that, imho.

So here's mine.

Obviously, the Bucktommy dinner date comes first; Buck is happy and unburdened. There's no way he'd look like that after a) learning Bobby had a heart attack and his and Athena's house burned down and b) even 'just' what happened at Eddie's. No way he's happily grinning and smiling after that.

In hospital, he and Tommy are wearing the same outfits as in Buck's loft. Also, in the trailer, we can see Eddie already standing by the bed while the others rush in. So. Hospital comes next. (Buck got a call and rushed to the hospital with Tommy, who possibly drove him).

THEN he goes home with Eddie who tells him about the whole drama with Kim and Chris seeing her (Chris is probably at Pepa's or somewhere). Both Buck and Eddie are still wearing the same outfits as in the hospital.

And last, we get the scene with Chris being back and Eddie's parents being there. Which is likely the next day, or maybe even later. (And Chris tells Eddie he wants to spend the summer with his grandparents, probably).

[shehungthemoon]

My bucktommy coda that I sat on for days before crumbling over my love for them (read on ao3)

buck makes a phone call 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

It’s been a good couple minutes and Buck still hasn't found the strength to push himself away from the counter.

It's a good counter, he thinks, supporting all his weight like it is. He’s a heavy guy, it can't be easy. In the far reaches of his mind, he’s aware that that's really a very weird thing to be thinking about his kitchen countertop. But his brain feels like it's being tossed around in a whirlpool at the moment, so he's decided to give himself a pass.

He can't bring himself to move yet he’s still antsy—antsy to sprint out the door and run after Tommy as fast as he can, to call him even though he hasn't been gone five minutes just so he can hear that ridiculous low voice again, to turn back a clock and kiss him just one more time before he walks out of Buck’s home.

His thoughts are spinning like he’s six shots deep, fuzzy like they’d been sweetly wrapped in a wool blanket, wired like the electric hum of a neon sign, everything and nothing all at once.

His hand shakes just slightly as he lifts his fingers to his lips, itching for some kind of physical feeling to ground him. He presses down, into the slight swelling of them, relishes in the tingling and the warmth that spreads. He feels like a teenage girl, giddy after her first chaste kiss at her doorstep. Buck presses harder and smiles. He really can't bring himself to care.

He pushes off the counter in a sudden rush of adrenaline, grabbing the sweating, abandoned beer bottle off the counter as he goes. He doesn't want it anymore, didn't really ever, but his hands need something to mess with or else he might start pulling at his hairline, which is a habit he'd worked very hard to break.

So he plays with the label and half focuses on the stickiness of the paper that rolls up in between his fingers and half focuses on preserving the memory of Tommy’s strong fingers pulling impatient, commanding, oh-so-wanting on his chin.

He paces his apartment, bottom floor and top. Stares at Hen’s contact on his cellphone, finger hovering over the screen. Bites his lips when the blood starts leaving them as if it could preserve the kiss. Breathes in the cologne he tricks himself into thinking he can still smell in the air. The cologne.

Buck eventually comes to the conclusion that for the moment he's happy—genuinely, unreservedly, proudly happy—and with a heavy sigh that feels like dropping a firehose off his shoulders he heads up to the loft to get ready for bed. He leaves his phone charging downstairs.

Buck falls asleep with his body flushed pleasantly warm under the blankets and his mind not quite settled but not quite not, a phantom throbbing across his lips. He doesn't dream that night, for the first time in a while.

---

He wakes up alongside the sun the next day with his internal clock. It doesn't take more than a few moments for the memories of the night before to come flooding back. He pulls off his sheets and begins going through the motions of his morning, and catches a small smile on his face in the mirror when he goes to brush his teeth.

Huh. So that's what he's feeling. He didn't know if it would last.

He lets the smile grow as he bounds down his steps and starts on breakfast. He finds himself pausing every few minutes, rushes of emotions washing and breaking over him again and again, coming like waves and leaving his heart racing.

“Well,” he says to himself, into the empty sun-strewn air of his apartment. “This is new.”

He decides to go out for a run, and thinks about calling three people.

He needs Hen. He doesn't need Hen? He wants Hen’s advice. Her support. As he’s bouncing on the balls of his feet, shaking off his stretches outside of his building he realizes that maybe this time, this once… maybe he’s got it. Maybe this is something he’d actually look forward to tackling alone. Like an adventure.

Buck starts off running down the sidewalk.

Eddie deserves his apology, more than anything. It's not his own voice in his head joking about the dwindling pain killer windows of opportunity. He thinks about what to say, how he’d explain it, how he'd confess it. The worst thing he’s felt so far comes crawling up his throat, scratching and tightening. Panic, and he hates it, hates that it makes his brain race toward nebulous thoughts and fragments of feelings that scream danger and loss and guilt.

Buck does not want to call Eddie right now, just as much as he wants to, needs to. Both things make his legs falter and feet stutter on the concrete, so he turns left into the neighboring park to distract him and give him something softer to trip onto.

This… this, with Tommy, wasn't the same. Wasn't the same as his previous relationships. Obvious reasons aside, of course. Tommy took those steady steps across his kitchen floor. Tommy pulled him in. Tommy asked if the kiss was okay and told him with no room for argument that he was going to pick Buck up for a date.

Maybe he was supposed to feel demeaned or insecure or a million other things that should make him want to back far away from the unfamiliarity, but he couldn't find it in himself to. Instead it just felt… nice. Felt like someone wanted him, really wanted him, in the way he always wants other people.

He’d almost feel like he didn't deserve it, if it weren't for the way he remembers Tommy’s voice shaking just slightly when he asked Buck if it was really his attention that Buck had been after.

Buck can remember everything about it. The way his heart had leap with startling joy in his chest when he saw who was on the other side of his door, not who he was expecting but entirely and completely who he didn't know he wanted.

He remembers the way Tommy had ribbed him about Eddie being able to have multiple friends, and how it didn't feel mean-spirited or judgemental at all, somehow.

He remembers how he’d felt something shift, silly teasing turning to warm tension thrumming in the air around them when they talked about Muay Thai and flying lessons. Something different in Tommy’s voice. In the way his gaze had dropped to Buck’s lips for just a second, maybe something he imagined.

The way Tommy had looked into his eyes and had a wordless conversation with him so fluidly, understanding and wanting just as much as him, asking Buck if it was ok before he ever said the words out loud. The way his eyes softened and his lips pressed together when he realized that Buck was only ever going to say yes.

The way he’d kissed him, chaste and promising and heavy, meaning more than any kiss in his life had ever meant, and yeah, that had really, really been okay.

The way Tommy had hid his excitement from his voice but not his eyes when he’d said “8 o’clock—”

And wait. Shit. 8 o’clock. Saturday. Shit.

Well, here’s his excuse.

He slows down to a less strenuous pace and reaches for his phone, fumbling a bit with it as he tries to slide it out of the tight shorts pocket.

He doesn't give himself time to overthink before he presses dial.

The third ring was barely beginning before the person on the other end picked up with a cut-off hello.

“Hey, hi,” Buck says with a nervous laugh into the mic. “It's me Buck.”

“I know,” comes Tommy’s voice, amused. When Buck hears it it's like his legs turn to jelly, has to stop where he stands on the sidewalk or risk taking a tumble. He clears his throat and tries to catch his breath without sounding too loud.

“I, uh, promise that this isn't me freaking out, or being insanely clingy, or anything like that, I just. Kinda got, distracted, last night and totally forgot that I already promised to babysit my niece Saturday evening? I don't wa—need to cancel, just maybe, um, does 8:30 work instead? If that's no trouble?

There's a beat of silence over the phone in which Buck guesses Tommy's taking it all in. He tends to babble when he's nervous, unfortunately. He can only hope that Tommy finds that charming.

There's an exhale from the other end and a short, humming laugh. “I was really worried you were going to back out. 8:30 is no trouble at all.”

Buck can't help the relieved grin that spreads over his face.

“Ok, perfect, great, uh. Thank you,” he barely gets any of it out coherently through his grinning and his pounding heart. He doesn't know why he still feels so wired.

“Hey, Evan, for the record?”

Something settles low in his stomach when he hears his name. He hasn't named the feeling yet, but he doesn't hate it. “Uh, yeah?”

“That stuff you said before, about freak-outs and clinginess?” Buck presses his fingernails into his palm and rolls his shoulders tightly, the giddiness tilting toward that awful panic. He hums shortly in acknowledgement. But then Tommy says: “You can do all those things with me, if you want. Or need. Any time.”

Buck wishes there was a bench nearby. Something to brace himself on, because those weak knees come rushing back and he’s never felt like this, ever. He doesn't know what to say—what does he say? If Buck didn't know Tommy, he’d half think he was lying. But does Buck actually know Tommy? Better question, why does Buck feel like he knows Tommy so stupidly well already?

Buck believes him. That's the thing. He believed him completely and entirely. Worst of all, Buck trusts him.

He doesn't know what to say that wouldn't scare any normal person away.

Tommy isn't looking for him to say anything, it seems.

“I really want to kiss you again,” is what Tommy finally says into the quiet, murmured and breathily genuine. It carves into Buck's heart and twists his stomach, so beyond butterflies at this point it's ridiculous.

“Yeah,” Buck sucks in a breath. “Me too.” He hates that his voice is shaky when he says it, so far from suave and too close to vulnerable. And then Tommy laughs bright and fond and real and Buck feels free even when the line goes dead and all he's left with is the sound of Tommy's laugh ringing in his ear and the promise of 8:30, Saturday.

Tommy beat him to the punch with his last words. The same thing had been in the back of his throat waiting to be whispered out since the night before.

Nobody's ever said them first before. Not like that.

He stows his phone and picks back up his jog. He’s not… worried, like he'd thought he'd be. Not in the ways that swarmed his mind last night, not in the ways that he'd ignored when they appeared fleeting over the years.

Buck remembers stubble against his cheek and calloused fingers along his jaw, new sensations so foreign, so searingly new. Buck likes new, he thinks. Especially now that he’s realizing that doesn't mean you erase the slate and start over. Sometimes, maybe new is building and altering and learning and becoming who you want to be with all the pieces of who you used to be building you up. Maybe it's figuring out that all the things you want to be were already within you after all.

He lets the worry and panic fade, drained out of him. Instead he feels calm like low tides, gentle surety and excitement for the future flowing through easy breaths.

He'll talk to Hen after the date, after he's gone in on his own, probably fumbling and nervous and all-too-excited. For some reason he feels like all that might be ok, this time.

Eddie… he'll talk to Eddie at work. He'll apologize in person. They both deserve that much. He’ll face the panic and the fear and the overwhelming love with as much strength as he can. It's what Eddie is owed, and it's what he owes to himself.

And Tommy, he'll see Tommy soon. He'll find his nice shirt from the back of his closet, he’ll plan to argue over the bill before letting him take it, and he’ll keep Tommy's laugh in his head until he hears it again in person.

And he'll kiss Tommy first.

Buck smiles. He thinks he's gonna like new.

[rothjuje]

Thank you guys for all the bedroom setup advice!! Someone pointed out how heavy a tub full of water is, so maybe bunk beds would be fine. Several people mentioned that Gen will want a full eventually too which honestly I hadn’t considered. She’s such a tiny peanut it’s hard for me to picture her in a big bed. Alyssa and George have always been giants, they take after my side of the family while Gen takes after Justin’s. I like the lofted bed idea but only saw a twin option, I’m sure there’s a full option. We’re going to a furniture store this weekend to look around.

Such a weird week with the kids not having school Tuesday. Normally days off are chaotic and crazy but the kids were all in a great mood, we had a slow morning and then played outside the rest of the day (thank Gd for rain suits).

Being able to go outside again is such a parenting game changer. So, so, so thankful it’s above 40 degrees and staying light until 5:45 now. We played outside from 3:30-5:30 this afternoon and everyone came in tired and happy, we had a peaceful dinner and bedtime and everyone fell asleep quickly.

We registered Gen for MWF next year (instead of T/Th). Mainly so I could get more done/potentially focus on a career, but also because it’s been so good for her. But something I didn’t realize until after we signed her up was Justin gets every other Friday off…so we can have day dates twice a month. We have had exactly three dates outside the house since we moved here (I remember them well.. a movie, out for drinks, and a cemetery walk). I think it will be so, so good for our relationship. Especially since life has been absolute chaos since we moved here 20 months ago (fixing up the house, adjusting to life across the country, but also so many freak medical things/minor surgeries and one major one).

I am doing all the things right to manage my ADHD (sleeping enough, eating well, daily exercise) and it helps but definitely is not a cure. There was a moment last year when George started sleeping through the night and it was my first time sleeping through the night in 4 years so I thought my ADHD was cured just because I had energy again…so naive. I took a wellness class at a yoga studio a couple nights ago and we had to sit down on mats and listen quietly. And the room was quiet. Everyone seemed so quiet and relaxed, just sitting still. And listening. I tried to listen and tried to stay still but I am a leg shaker. My brain was zipping around in so many different directions. I just cannot think in a straight line unless I am physically moving. I didn’t even realize how bad it was honestly until I saw everyone else be so normal and calm. Yikes..

[cranberrymoons]

hi! i'm sage. I'm glad you're here!

you can find my writing on ao3 here and under the 'my fic' tag on this blog and in the masterlist under the read more. reblogs of other peoples' fic are tagged as 'fic', and writing resources etc are tagged as 'writing'

fic masterlist 🩷

look who's inside again 16,846 words | rated m | buckley-diaz family, chris character study, reconciliation, follow-up/prequel to i'm holding on (barely)

chris misses his dad. he misses his mom. he misses buck. he's still trying to figure out what it means that he misses them all in the same way.

close ain't close enough (til we cross the line) buddie | 9,884 words | rated e | infidelity, possessive sex

buck and eddie are not even approaching normal about each other; things escalate quickly (aka: the sexting fic, part 2)

don't slow this down buddie | rated e | 2,581 words | getting together, domesticity, intimacy, hand jobs

They’re twenty seven hours into ninety six off, three more days of nothing stretching out in front of them. Nothing but this, and Buck, and the early afternoon sun pouring in through the big loft windows. "I guess I don't have to go."

911

i'm holding on (barely) buddie + helena character study | 12,543 words | rated m

August comes, and with it comes Eddie. Eddie and that friend of his who was there back at the start of the summer, the one Christopher has talked so much about over the past few months. Buck this, and Buck that, and – All of it. Helena takes one look at them, and she knows. eddie and buck take christopher home to california; helena and ramon decide to follow

nothing wrong with me loving you buddie | 4,496 words | rated e | infidelity, sexting

He’s not thinking about it. He’s not. He’s definitely not. Buck leaves for the night, gets in his car and drives away like everything’s normal – normal because it is, it literally is, it’s the most normal night in the world, and Eddie is the most normal he’s ever been, and then maybe an hour later, he gets a text. buck and eddie watch red white and royal blue together; one thing leads to another (aka: the sexting fic)

breathe in, breathe through buddie | rated t | 1,045 words | 803 coda, pre-relationship, pining, bed sharing

Eddie blinks back at him, and Buck feels his heart give a lazy thump in his chest. “Long night,” he says after a moment. It’s the first thing either of them have said since they left the station, since they ended up here by silent agreement. Eddie nods, and Buck feels himself smile. “Did I tell you I got to steal a motorcycle?”

ring like silver, ring like gold buddie | rated e | 1,163 words | established relationship, car sex, being FREAKS about domesticity etc

“Did you see the way Parker’s mom was looking at you?” Gasps. Huffs against his neck where Eddie’s skin is flushed and hot, sticky from their mingled sweat and the flat expanse of Buck’s tongue. “Asking if you wanted to help chaperone the Spring Fling.” 

late night high (i'm floating) buddie | 1,649 words | rated e | drug use, self-realization, mustache burn 😌

eddie gets very very high and realizes several important things about himself; buck's just trying to follow along

an aching in my heart buddie | rated m | 1,154 words | first kiss, beach camping, poetry

It’s dark out here past the lights of the city, air crisp and fresh and new in a way that makes him feel like his lungs can finally fill up for the first time maybe ever in his whole life. No smoke. No smog. No haze of dust or ash hanging over everything and sneaking into the crevices. Just air and the salt spray of the sea and Eddie sitting next to him on the beach with their shoulders pressed together.

i'm a cliché (who cares) buddie | 7,326 words | rated e

“You okay?” Buck asks, and Eddie blinks, lets out the breath that had gotten caught in his throat. “Yeah,” he says, even though – no, not really. “Sorry, just – a surprise, I guess. Hearing from him.” Which is weird, come to think of it, because they used to be close. Closer than anything, as close as – well, as close as him and Buck, but in a different way. In a way that felt frantic and clinging and desperate, something to hold onto while they were being shot at. Eddie hears from an old army buddy; it brings a few things to the surface.

let me put my lips to something buddie | 2,524 words | rated e | blood kink, possessive sex

It’s a rush, having sex with Buck. And he thinks part of it is probably down to this, the fact that it’s something that finally feels right-sized after a lifetime of not. That’s a big part of it, but another part of it is that it’s him. Him. Everything. The way it feels like they could consume each other like fire and it still wouldn’t be enough.

we all fall down pre-buddie | 1,634 words | rated m | infidelity/angst

Buck hates that he was here for this. He hates that he was here for this, Eddie and his girlfriend and the fucked up thing with the woman who’s not Shannon, and Buck just standing there in the middle of it, the four of them trapped together in Eddie’s living room on a random Thursday night like something out of a soap opera because they all happened to converge at once. when the metaphorical house burns down, you don't want to be the only one left standing in it

closer than my hands have been buddie | 4,578 words, rated M

Eddie never feels easy. Tommy feels easy, but Eddie – he doesn’t. He doesn’t feel easy now, and he didn’t feel easy last night, and he didn’t feel easy the night before that or before that or before that. Well, except for the parts where he did, when everything felt easy and loose and uncomplicated. Free. He misses that feeling. buck and tommy are together, and eddie's fine with that. it's fine. it is.

i feel a change in the weather (i feel a change in me) buddie | 2,133 words | rated M

It all comes to a head on the hot dusty path up to the top of Runyon Canyon. It feels inevitable, feels like something they’ve maybe been inching toward in fits and starts ever since they met. Feels right and easy and lived-in already, like a favorite shirt that’s been folded in the back of the closet for years, just waiting to be picked up and put on. buck and eddie go for a hike, kiss in the sunlight, and fall in love, not necessarily in that order.

you and tequila make me crazy buddie | 1,533 words | rated M

His arm is still draped over Eddie’s shoulders, hand still holding the other side of his head, and he shifts so that his fingers push up into the hair at the back of his neck, thumb slotting up against his ear. And he’s so close. Half an inch closer and he’d be able to feel Eddie’s heartbeat under his tongue, solid and sure and alive, and – “Hey,” says a voice above them, sharp enough to cut straight through the fog that’s settled over them. “There you guys are.” in which buck and eddie lose chimney because they're drunk and horny

for the rest of mine buddie | 644 words | rated M

It happens on a Tuesday night, with the soft whirl of the dishwasher running in the kitchen and ESPN on low in the background and Chris’s homework left laying out on the coffee table when he went to bed about an hour ago. 

heart in throat (am i dreaming?) buddie | 1,227 words | rated T

I kissed someone, he imagines himself saying eventually, when he’s ready. I think I really like him. Just like that. No big announcement, no declaration, but just – just letting it sit there and breathe between them.

already standing on the ground buddie | 1,195 words | rated T

Buck lets out a laugh, one hand coming up to scratch at the back of his neck. Laughing like he’s relieved, like he can’t quite believe the words coming out of his own mouth. “We were on a date.” And – Eddie blinks. “Oh.”

such a sweet thing (i wanna do everything) bucktommy | 5,582 words | rated e

Buck doesn’t want to take it slow. He doesn’t want Tommy to ease him in or treat him gently. What he wants is to suck a dick.

stranger things

here you come again stommy | 16,172 words | rated e

Steve and Tommy haven't talked in nearly three years. After everything, maybe the best way forward is back.

so fondly today steddie | 8,267 words | rated E processing trauma, getting together | tumblr post

Eddie's hair is pulled up on top of his head, and there’s a piece of it falling down to frame his face, and Steve’s sleep-deprived brain sends a shock of want rushing through him. Want: he wants to touch? Wants to look? He’s looking. Wants to… something? He feels electricity crackle at the backs of his teeth and he blinks, wanting. Wanting so badly that something aches inside his chest. (it's been a few months since everything, and steve is beginning to realize some things about himself)

get it off your chest steddie | 7,415 words | rated E rough sex, spanking, read the ao3 tags! | tumblr post

“You think this is me taking you apart?” Eddie asks. He lets go of Steve’s hair and plants a hand in the center of his chest, then gives him a shove toward the bed. “That’s adorable, Steve. Seriously.” (or, steve and eddie have life-affirmingly good sex) aka my Consent Is Sexy manifesto

dressed up to the eyes steddie | 8,737 words | rated E rough sex, spanking, read the ao3 tags! | tumblr post

Steve almost didn’t come out tonight. It’s been a long day, and he kind of just wants to be at home in his sweatpants, curled up on the couch with takeout and an old movie, but – But he’d agreed to be social tonight – if nothing else, in Robin’s honor since she was supposed to have a date tonight but is trapped in bed with the flu – and so… here he is. Being social. Ish. Socialish. Steve and Eddie are strangers in a bar... or are they?

something so pretty steddie | 3,087 words | rated M | tumblr post

Eddie raises Steve's hand to brush a kiss over his knuckles, then catches him around the waist again, swaying them back and forth to the rhythm of a Bangles song coming from the radio. “I said you look pretty, and I meant it. Deal with it.” Steve feels a reluctant smile pull at the corners of his mouth. “Really?” (the girls paint steve's nails and it causes him to feel several enormous feelings)

can't start a fire steddie | 3,831 words | rated T | tumblr post

“Are you sure this is okay?” Steve asks in an undertone once everyone has arrived that first night. He looks genuinely nervous, which is… insane; he’s a bat-wielding, bat-biting jock who saved the world, and Eddie’s just – “I don’t think your friends like me very much.” Eddie feels the corners of his mouth draw down as he follows Steve’s eyeline to where the others are huddled in the corner talking amongst themselves. (steve doesn't need people taking care of him. except, maybe he kind of likes it when they do)

the sweetest thing steddie | 14,022 words | rated E

It had started out simple enough between them, Eddie making some off-hand comment about Steve not being able to hold out for a whole month and Steve, ever unable to back down from a challenge, rising to the bait. “Whatever,” he’d said, rolling his eyes. “A month? Please.” He could do a month. Easy. He just hadn't counted on Eddie being – well. Himself. eddie goads steve into a No Nut November challenge; he never said anything about taking it easy on him

the seas be ours (steddie pirates au) (2 works, 10,943 words, rated E)

Eddie The Dread Pirate Munson captures the Harrington heir with the intent of ransoming him back to his family for an easy payout. He really could not have guessed what he was getting himself into.

back in the new york groove (26,823 words, rated E) summer 1999 | tumblr post | ch 6/? rockstar eddie/middle school teacher steve, soft dom steve

“Ha!” Eddie says, jabbing a finger into Steve's chest. “I have a publicist. That automatically makes me cooler than you.” “Oh yeah? Well I have about eighty twelve year olds back in Santa Monica who think I’m the coolest guy on the planet.” (new york isn't home, but it's the next best thing) Steve and Eddie chaotically parenting their gen-z toddler in the late 90s (part of the future fic series)

future fic series (23 works, 64,995 words, rated G-E)

a love letter to the idea of home or, the happily-ever-after future in which Eddie is a rockstar and Steve is a middle school teacher and they have a bunch of kids and live by the ocean (rockstar eddie + middle school teacher steve)

a love to last past saturday night (3,550 words, rated T for now but will go up in later chapters) | ch 1/? coffee shop au

There’s a little cafe at the end of Steve’s block that he’s only ever been in once.  It’s called Corroded Coffee and it’s dark in there and maybe a little pretentious, but not pretentious as in… people reading classic novels or having discussions about French Cinema. Pretentious in the sense that there’s an intimidating collection of vinyl records taking up half an entire wall and they use single origin arabica beans and the scary baristas look at you sideways if you order regular milk in your latte.

misc. series:

kinktober 2023 (14 works, 39,566 words, rated T-E, stranger things)

a collection of fics written for kinktober 2023 and eddie month 2023 prompts – works can also be found on tumblr under the "kinktober 2023" tag

steddie microfic (16 works, 6,502 words, rated G-E, stranger things)

a collection of microfic written for the monthly steddiemicrofic challenges – works can also be found on tumblr under the "steddiemicrofic" tag

discord drabbles (16 works, 8,479 words, rated G-E, stranger things)

a collection of drabbles/microfics written for daily discord prompts – works can also be found on tumblr under the "discord drabble" tag

steddie holiday drabbles (29 works, 21,715 words, rated T-E, stranger things)

the 2023 fic advent calendar! a collection of fics between 300-1,000 words each, written for steddieholidaydrabbles' prompts and warm-up rounds – works can also be found on tumblr under the "steddieholidaydrabbles" tag

[shmowder]

So I've been loving your other reader stuff and wanted to discuss expanding the x reader universe with some Stamatins.

I have this one idea, please consider, reader accidently seducing Peter, which causes Andrey to fall hard for reader as well (since I doubt he could ever really love someone who doesn't also love his brother.)

Specifically, I have this scene haunting me, and I'd love to see you expand upon it.

Peter and Reader are at his loft where he's doing figure drawings/painting of Reader. But instead of it being just some sexually charged thing, it's super comfortable. They're laughing and joking with each other. Peter keeps getting distracted bouncing ideas around the room. It's this genuinely sweet and tender moment.

Meanwhile, Andrey is also around watching this all go down. And he's seen muses come and go. Usually, it's pretty or interesting things that catch Peter's eye and are gone just as quickly. But this one is so very different. Genuinely engaging with Peter's ideas. Not some lovesick puppy or someone living in a fantasy. Just a person enjoying spending time with another person.

Hope that was at all coherent? Feel free to get weird. Sfw and nsfw interpretations are valid

Aword

[Fluff, Romance, referenced sexual topics/Alcohol/drugs, Falling in love, Devotion, Codependency, GN reader]

[Andrey/Reader, Peter/Reader, Polyamory]

In which Andrey Stamatin attempts to understand his younger twin's enamoration with you and how it might have started.

Only for him to helplessly fall a victim to your smile.

Andrey Stamatin can recall the exact number of times he has seen a smile on his brother's face in the past year. his fingers were more than enough to count them on; the number kept dwindling with each cycle around the sun.

The seasons would come and go, yet neither of them would blink an eye. Downing a full bottle barely burns the back of Andrey's throat anymore, the smoke rarely stings his lungs, the adrenaline flooding his brain from taking another's life scarcely lasts more than a second.

Peter's smile, however, the chime of his laughter, could feed Andrey's starved soul for centuries. Paint the greys of his world in velvet crimsons and royal blues, gold-like yellows, and sunset bright oranges.

Drugs could only go so far, after all. Various stimulants were sampled and put to the test, yet not a single one managed to match a fraction of the euphoric bliss he gets from seeing his brother gleaming with happiness.

Currently, the source of Peter's unusual fits of passion was laying in an empty bathtub, fully clothed. The same empty bathtub his brother tended to use as a makeshift bed.

Peter always had the most unusual ideas whenever he found himself in a creative rut, attempting to overcome the art block by any means necessary.

Andrey was nothing if not overly indulgent of his brother's fleeting whims.

Not to mention with the very short amount of time Andrey spent inside their shared house, Peter could just easily use his brother's untouched bed whenever the neck pain from sleeping on an oversized ceramic bowl grew too cumbersome. Or so Andrey assumed, he hasn't really checked on his supposed personal room in a long time, he can't even recall what colour the walls were painted with, let alone what type of sheets were laid upon his bed collecting dust by now.

Just how exactly did you weasel your way into Peter's life from under Andrey's nose? The older twin can't help but wonder at times.

Did the two of you meet in one of Peter's bi-monthly trips to stand in front of his beloved paper wooden daughter and simply stare? No. Andrey makes sure to accompany his brother during those trips to the polyhedron.

Maybe it was something absurdly mundane, like in a grocery store or a trip to the tailor? Unlikely, Peter's food is delivered to his front door, and he would rather set his whole wardrobe on fire than wear something touched by amateur hands when it came to sewing.

Andrey witnessed it before when their maid in the Capital sent one of his brother's favourite shirts to be repaired in some no-name tailoring store. Coming home that day to his brother sitting on the front steps of their burning house, grumbling about how the winds keep swaying the flames and messing up the shadows as he sketched the scene of the crime on the few unburnt papers he grabbed on his way out.

It doesn't matter how.

The voices of chatter fill the usually quiet room, light conversations flowing seemingly between you, the art subject, and his brother sitting on a stool nearby, the painter attempting to immortalise your beauty on a canvas.

Because no matter how this miracle happened, Andrey will do anything in his power to make sure it doesn't slip away from Peter's fingers, from his own fingers.

The sunlight phasing through the apartment's window reflected mesmerizingly against your skin, the gentle smile on your face only making you appear more radiant. Andrey's eyes could barely look away from the ethereal view amidst the mundane messy room, from the way your fingers ever so delicately traced against the rim of the bathtub, temptation tugging his heart forward by its strings.

Your air of comfort was infectious, Peter's fingers gliding against the canvas with the brush as he noted every single detail he saw, each colour documenting every feeling passing through his soul.

getting up from the comfortable armchair, Andrey walked over to the middle of the room where the main event was taking place. Resting his chin above his brother's shoulder to take a better look at the painting, the other acknowledged him with a proud look as if to show off his magnum opus.

Peter's put great details in the way the light reflected off of your eyes. The way your body was positioned looked almost an invitation for onlooker to step inside the oil painting and bury themselves into your chest and tuck their their bodies safely inside your heart for eternity.

He could almost feel your lips against his own just by looking at this piece of art.

What did they taste like? a sweet cherry ripened to perfection? A fresh minty finish from your toothpaste? A rich bitter aftertaste from your morning coffee?

Or did you prefer milk? Would his tongue taste a hint of the creamy flavour if he traced the insides of your mouth with it?

Or maybe you had more bite to your bark and a sharp iron taste would overwhelm his senses as your teeth dug into his lips while his fingers tightened around your neck enough to leave a shadow of discoloration behind.

His biggest mistake was turning his head around to face the real thing. The real view of you laying back with such a relaxed expression despite being in a room with the two most dangerous men in town was more than taunting in his eyes, it was basically a personal offence to carry such a bright smile carelessly in his presence knowing what he is capable of.

Whatever Andrey desired, Peter would overdose on until he developed an addiction. From the first sip of alcohol from a stolen bottle he shared with his brother, to the last person who warmed Andrey's bed only to end up in his brother's for the week.

Andrey would get something, and his younger twin would wordlessly copy him. Andrey would find someone, and Peter would borrow them from time to time.

A silent agreement between the two to always share, that's how it always worked.

Up until now.

Somehow, it was Peter who found you first. Somehow, you've been living under a rock away from Andrey's eyes and reach. A hidden gem that he didn't get to first, despite turning every rock and poking into every crevice in this forsaken town.

Is it jealousy that he's feeling? Is it the burning of envy's green flames suffocating his lungs? Andrey was always the man at the centre of everyone's envy. It will never be the other way around. He rejects those feelings belonging to lesser men, never someone of his status.

No. This is something different, something much deeper. He is above petty envy; he lets Eva roam freely and never looks twice at whose life Maria's ending with a kiss this week.

Or was it simply different because Peter was involved this time around?

Because this isn't mere sex, you're not a stray from a one night stand Peter's taken pity on.

Andrey's not even sure his brother even bedded you yet. The smell of sex simply wasn't in the air, and he would know since Peter never opens the windows to air the room out.

What exactly was your relationship?

The two of you joked and laughed like long-lost friends, knew just how much to push and when to pull back. It wasn't the intense passion of sinful lust burning in his brother's eyes but the budding hope of a lotus blooming after a fresh morning rain.

You've even tried to include him, to infect him with your warmth, reel him in with your innocent smile. You probably weren't even aware of how tantalising you looked with your pure friendly act.

The worst kind of sirens in Andrey's eyes were the ones who weren't aware of their temptations yet. Those ones posed a real danger to his sanity, a real threat to his addictive personality.

Pulling his body away from leaning against his brother, Andrey walked over to you, staring you down as his legs stood uncomfortably close to where your head laid, almost boxing you in.

You didn't look nervous. You weren't the slightest bit intimidated by his towering presence. As if all his muscles were for show, as if his hands, which took lives too easily, couldn't touch you if they tried.

It was suffocating, your heavy presence. The power you held despite literally laying down beneath him, staring up with wide innocent eyes. It made him want to puke his poisoned heart out. It made him want to kneel before you and seek redemption for his sins. It made him want to fall asleep in your embrace.

It made him want you beyond bodily desires, beyond sex and beyond a mere muse to burn in order to fuel his creations.

But he'd never utter those words, for there is no need to. His brother perfectly understood him from just one look, Peter practically guessed what's going on in Andrey's mind during any given moment of the day.

Yet the word for what you are hasn't been invented yet into this world, linguists didn't stumble upon it, scholars never felt it.

How lucky they are to stumble upon a glowing ember of another miracle practically begging to be added to their list of ever growing resume of achievements. A creation in the making.

They did it once with a tower, it's about time they tried it on a living breathing human being.

Andrey leans closer to gaze down upon your eyes, upon his latest invention, still a newborn in its prototype days.

For now, a muse is what you shall be called.

Until the day comes when the whole world learns a word fit enough to name you by. A word both of him and Peter will piece together letter by letter.

[doublel27]

You know, now after seeing the pilot rescue with TK's overdose again, there is just something about how EMPTY his apartment looks compared to the home he and Carlos built together with the loft and I am feeling some way about it.

Oh man, rewatching the Pilot after season 3 is such a weird mindtrip. Because wehn you watch the pilot the first time, it's upseting and traumatic within the first ten minutes (much like the movie UP). But rewatching it AFTER you know these characters and watch them grow...it's devestating.

Like, not only is TK's apartment so empty, there's this...person TK is clearly TRYING to be.

Like, his proposal to whats his name was so much less personal and meaningful. It was in public, at a fancy resturant, with a fucking gaudy ring (I will never approve). He admits to his dad that he felt why can't I remember his name pull away and wanted to "fix it" with a proposal. We contrast that to his proposal to Carlos which is at three am in bed after a very traumatic week because he just can't live any longer without Carlos being his husband. And it's not trauma or fear it's love, and he's overflowing with it. He doesn't want to waste another moment without being married.

Mind you, we only see pilot TK briefly, but his apartment is so impersonal, versus the loft which feels very much like TK and Carlos. The breif glimpse we get of him is not the bouncy, happy TK we have after time in Austin. Like TK fully bounces places now. And then hew as much different.

I just..the healing these two have gone through in the progression of their relationship from the pilot until now is just...it's entirely magical. TK and Carlos have really allowed the other to be their true selves and become more themselves in their relationship than they were outside of it...and that's a beautiful fucking thing to see.