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scenes that make me wanna eat drywall dust
#qkdraws#id in alt#haikyuu#kageyama tobio#hinata shouyou#tumblr can't even handle 4k images i had to compress this one. smh#did some layer fuckery to get the motion blur to work. the screenshots of this fuckery r kinda silly#this bitch rly is pieced together like a puzzle. kageyama himself is like.sliced in twain.#twain.that's a fun word#i've learned from past projects that blurring specific parts of an image is more complicated than just pressing the blur button#example: the blurring around lumen's hands in that suncaster pic of them all lying down in the grass#(i recognize a lot of people who will see this will see it in the haikyuu tag and have no idea who that is.roll w it)#the edges of her hands r still sharp in that image bc <3 i did it wrong<3#idk how to explain it but like#if u don't Also draw what's underneath whatever ur blurring it will not look right#especially if all ur colors r neatly snuggled up together and not overlapping (which i tend to snuggle them instead of overlap)#then the colors ur blurring have an empty Canvas Color beneath them that pokes out#this is prolly common knowledge to most people. in retrospect it seems like common sense. however (doesn't elaborate)
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Analyzing Klavier's Behavior Because I Am Nothing If Not Predictable*
*But also I made this post at 2am and am determined to see it through
Alright so a few days ago I posted this reblog of a response to a post I made mentioning that Klavier's behavior that is so commonly poked at as "Klavier, there was a murder" could very well be a coping mechanism. As you'll know if you've read the essay I wrote on the parallels between Ryulock and Homumiko, I really like to analyze fictional characters. So I have decided to analyze Klavier Gavin's behavior throughout his appearances because there's implications in there that I think aren't talked about enough.
(Also important to note because I feel like it'll come up; this is all my interpretation of Klavier's behavior based on a combination of personal experience and just how I read his behavior. I am not going to claim my analysis to be objectively correct.)
Part 1: A Brief-ish Summary of Klavier's Canon Appearances
Klavier's only canon appearances are in Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney and Turnabout Academy in Dual Destinies (which is a shame but that's not my point). In the latter, he's not acting as Prosecutor Gavin, he's acting as Rock God Klavier. I still think, for the sake of context, it's important to go over these appearances and how he acts during each one.
Turnabout Corner
Our first introduction to Klavier is in Turnabout Corner, the second episode of Apollo Justice. He's introduced as a cool, suave prosecutor that likes to throw his weight around a little (as indicated by him overriding the police and allowing Trucy and Apollo to investigate People Park), and it's easy to (correctly) assume pretty early on that he doesn't really care about giving information to the defense like every other prosecutor in the series (something that will come up later). In Turnabout Corner, we also learn about Klavier's status as a rockstar, and how he usually acts during court proceedings. Apollo's first impression, which carries over into Turnabout Serenade and is still part of how he sees Klavier into Dual Destinies, is that Klavier tends to not take things very seriously.
Turnabout Serenade
Turnabout Serenade is... interesting. We see a side of Klavier that he seems to want to keep under wraps at first — he's a perfectionist when it comes to his music, and his focus is on Daryan's missed cue, not the fact that a murder happened at his concert; notably, he's focused on Daryan's fuck-up, when he's not the only one who messed up during the concert. He comes off as irritable during investigation segments, seeming to put on a mask of his usual confident and carefree attitude when Apollo and Trucy show up.
This is also the first time Klavier starts to get honestly pretty mean when even the implication that something he didn't want to be true is true is suggested. The second Apollo implies LeTouse was murdered during the second set (which is when he first presents the igniter) Klavier gets mean ("Herr Forehead, don't destroy what little respect I have for you!" which implies he never had much respect for him in the first place, which I'd argue is not the case but I'll get into that later). We get into Daryan's testimony once it's made clear that Daryan's a suspect, and at that point he's less mean to Apollo and tearing into Daryan instead. Turnabout Serenade alone shows that Klavier's views of people can and will change on a dime.
Turnabout Succession (2019 section)
I'm gonna get it out of the way now, Klavier is a brat during the 2019 section of Turnabout Succession. This is relevant; he seems to have grown out of this by Turnabout Corner, but he's still prone to being a dick. Klavier's also much more egotistical during the 2019 section of Turnabout Succession; most notably, he brags about the success of The Gavinners multiple times during the trial (which Phoenix describes as an "utter lack of humility"). As a 24/25-year-old, he's not normally an egocentric asshole; this trait only really shows itself during times where he'd be stressed. Again, we'll get to that.
Turnabout Succession (responses to Kristoph's involvement)
The first reaction to Kristoph's involvement is when Vera mentions the commemorative stamp with Troupe Gramarye on it, and he gets intense about asking Vera about what the first forgery she made was. He actually scares Vera and concerns the judge:
And this is where he first breaks down. Trucy gets concerned, Apollo has to tell him to calm the fuck down because he's badgering the witness (at which point Klavier calls Phoenix Apollo's "soiled, sullied mentor"), and then Vera collapses from atroquinine poisoning and the trial ends. I cannot imagine what the next span of time before the trial continued was like for Klavier.
Once Kristoph actually takes the stand, Klavier's quite quiet for a while, aside from defending Kristoph when you press certain statements (and even then, Kristoph will not hesitate to talk over Klavier). Apollo even mentions that Klavier's acting different, and decides it's because Kristoph's in the courtroom. Klavier gets so upset that he can't even function properly, which Kristoph blames on Apollo ("My, my. You've upset my poor brother to the point of uselessness."). Klavier does eventually snap out of it and accuses Kristoph of bluffing, and the rest of the trial he works with Apollo to convince the jurists that Kristoph is behind Drew and Vera's poisoning, not Vera (although he does tell Apollo he's leaving the case if he can't prove Kristoph is behind forging the evidence in the Zak Gramarye case).
Klavier's behavior in the 2026 sections of Turnabout Succession very much remind me of 17-year-old Klavier, and his breakdown sprite does not help this (which I've also done an analysis on. Parts of that analysis will be relevant later). Again, this will come up later.
Turnabout Academy
I personally think Klavier's behavior in Turnabout Academy is also similar to his behavior when he was 17, although in the complete opposite direction from Turnabout Succession. Looking at Klavier's behavior in Turnabout Succession's 2019 section vs his behavior during Turnabout Academy, I am immediately struck by similarities. Notably, Klavier exhibits some degree of inflated self-confidence (he calls his own voice "godlike" if you present the tape recorder to him, tells Apollo and Athena to find the Gavinners banner, leading Athena to wonder if he just wants his banner back, claims the burnt fragments of the Gavinners banner is a "challenge directed at [Klavier] and Gavinners fans everywhere"), which leads him to put down Apollo specifically (telling Apollo that the role of a fledgling lawyer is one he was "born to play," calling Apollo a wet blanket, "That feigned swagger does not suit you in the least," probably jokingly accusing Apollo of destroying the statues of Klavier and Phoenix).
It's all behavior that feels like it should come from 17-year-old Klavier, not 25-year-old Klavier, at least not under most circumstances.
Part 2: A Slightly More In-Depth Analysis of Klavier's Behavior
Klavier's behavior, notably, changes depending on the circumstances he's in. I think it's important to figure out what the baseline for adult Klavier's behavior is before we go any further however.
I, personally, think the baseline for Klavier's behavior is most clear in Turnabout Corner. He doesn't have any personal involvement in the case beyond Apollo getting Kristoph thrown in prison, and he's pretty chill the entire case. It feels like, at the very least, he's adhering to his rock god persona (and I don't think it's a stretch to assume that's at least partially what he's like when he's not masking anything). Turnabout Corner serving as the baseline for Klavier's behavior also makes sense from a writing standpoint. So, I'm going to use Turnabout Corner as a baseline for Klavier's behavior. Now that we have that out of the way, let's analyze Klavier's behavior.
Part 2.1: Turnabout Serenade
So, first of all, let's look at the transition from Turnabout Corner to Turnabout Serenade. Klavier's having fun, he's at a concert and performing with someone he looks up to and admires. Then, tragedy strikes. A murder happens during the third set. The pianist for the second set is arrested. Daryan missed a cue he shouldn't have missed. This is the first time Klavier is aggressive. It's the first time we see perfectionist Klavier. The second Apollo and Trucy show up, he starts acting like he did during Turnabout Corner. To be completely clear, I do think he was genuinely happy to see them. I don't think his behavioral change when Apollo and Trucy show up is entirely a front. At worst, he's pretending everything's fine by acting like he normally would. Two explanations I can think of for this:
Maybe he just doesn't want Trucy and Apollo to see him like that.
Maybe he doesn't actually care how Trucy and Apollo see him, and he pretends everything's fine by instinct.
Additionally, this is the first time we truly see the extent of how egocentric Klavier can get. He opts to completely ignore the fact that a murder happened at his concert and instead focuses on Daryan's missed cue. That's what we see, at least.
By the end of the case we find out that missed cue was crucial evidence. That missed cue had implications for the entire incident. It's also implied in Turnabout Corner that Klavier is always multiple steps ahead, and in Turnabout Academy he suggests that the missing Gavinners banner is relevant to the case, and it ends up being crucial to the case. Exactly like Daryan's missed cue.
I don't think Klavier was just being an egocentric asshole here. I think he knew that the missed cue was somehow relevant, especially if he noticed Lamiroir and Machi's mistakes during the second set. If he did notice the mistakes Lamiroir and Machi made, then noticed Daryan's missed cue, I don't doubt he'd think they were somehow related. The one thing saving him was that the entire case, both the defense's side and the prosecution's side, hinged on the murder taking place during the third set, so he gets fucking mean when it's implied the murder might've happened during the second set, because there goes any plausible denial. Once Apollo suggests the murder happened during the second set, Daryan's alibi goes out the window, and he becomes their prime suspect. Basically, Klavier's aggression in Turnabout Serenade, and potentially how set on figuring out Daryan's missed cue he was, was very likely him getting defensive.
Part 2.2: Turnabout Succession
Not gonna talk about the 2019 section of Turnabout Succession much here. Klavier's behavior in Turnabout Succession is very much like his behavior in Turnabout Corner. That is, until Kristoph is made a suspect in Drew Misham's murder.
Klavier's pretty much the same as he was in Turnabout Corner for most of the first trial of Turnabout Succession. He's enjoying himself (a fact Apollo and Trucy mention), he's having fun teasing Spark Brushel a bit.
And then Vera brings up the commemorative stamp with Troupe Gramarye on it. As I mentioned above, he gets so intense about finding out what Vera's first forgery was that he scares Vera, concerns the judge, concerns Trucy, and has Apollo telling him to calm the fuck down because he's badgering the witness. Even taking 17-year-old Klavier into account, that's incredibly out of character for him. 17-year-old Klav was a bit mean to witnesses, sure, but he never badgered them. This exact moment is where, upon replaying AJ:AA, I was like "holy shit, you can pinpoint exactly where and when Klavier realizes Kristoph's involved in this."
During the next trial day, he's out of character on the complete opposite end of the spectrum, by which I mean he's too quiet. Klavier's usually talkative and flamboyant. He likes to test Apollo and Apollo's theories. He likes getting under Apollo's skin. But the second Kristoph's on the witness stand we don't get any of that. He's just quiet and he lets Kristoph talk over him. Kristoph's presence is enough to make him uncharacteristically quiet (which makes me wonder what the fuck their history is, especially with Klavier's "Spinning out of whose control? Mine? ...Or yours?" line after Kristoph says he's spinning out of control and the fact that what triggers Kristoph saying that in the first place is Klavier saying "Let's clean out the family closet" and Kristoph claims Klavier's going to say something he'll regret, but that's a different post for a different time). Klavier eventually gets so desperate for proof that Kristoph killed Drew and tried to kill Vera that he literally begs Apollo to prove it. Once Klavier has seen evidence that would indicate that Kristoph is guilty of Drew's murder, he's mostly back to his normal self.
Part 2.3: Turnabout Academy
Turnabout Academy is interesting because Klavier's behavior still feels off but you aren't playing as Apollo; you're playing as Athena, who doesn't know what Klavier is usually like. Klavier's a lot nicer to Athena than he is to Apollo (he is still a bit mean to Athena at points, just to be clear). I personally think it's because Klavier knows Apollo but doesn't know Athena well, but that's just an assumption, I don't think there's really evidence to support it.
Anyway, Klavier's behavior during Turnabout Academy feels pretty similar to when he was 17 in my opinion. He is brutal with Apollo. Klavier:
Tells Apollo that the role of a fledgling defense attorney is one he "was born to play"
Calls Apollo a wet blanket
Calls Apollo a stick in the mud
Accuses Apollo of destroying the statues of Klavier and Phoenix TWICE (probably jokingly but that's still mean, Klavier. This is also, notably, reflective of Klavier accusing Apollo of setting his guitar on fire in Turnabout Serenade)
17-year-old Klavier, while he doesn't target anyone specifically, is a fucking brat. He's irritating and he likes harassing people (like how 17-year-old Klavier was ever allowed in a court of law is beyond me. Granted this is the same court system that let an 18-year-old with a whip prosecute cases but I digress). In some of 17-year-old Klav's dialogue, we also get a taste of just how egocentric he could get at 17. Some of 17-year-old Klavier's lines in the 2019 section of Turnabout Succession that had me like "wow, never has a more irritating 17-year-old existed":
"Herr Detective, this is my stage. Can the antics."
"And I haven't proven anything yet, beyond my good looks, and startling record sales."
"...Would you hold me accountable for a mistake made in my youth?" "That was just this morning!" "...I am still young."
"I would hope the defense refrains from its customarily broad, sweeping accusations."
"...Truly, there's no substitute for experience. Nothing blinds one to the truth so effectively."
I can 100% see some of those lines also coming from Turnabout Academy Klavier. That then begs the question; if Klavier had evolved past acting like this by the age of 24, why is he back to acting like that by the age of 25?
Simple; it's very likely the same reason his behavior was the way it was in Turnabout Serenade. Constance Courte had personal significance to Klavier and quite literally shaped how Klavier prosecutes cases. Klavier says this himself; "She may have taught the judge course, but she had a huge impact on me. She was fond of saying, 'The end is only justified through proper means.' She wouldn't tolerate dishonesty and always revered what was right beyond all else." From the beginning of the case, it's had more personal significance than any of the cases Klavier prosecuted (while other cases did have personal significance to him, it was only ever clear near the end of the trial).
The thing about Turnabout Academy is that, in terms of Klavier's role in the story, it is incredibly similar to Turnabout Serenade. Here's a list of similarities just to show what I mean:
Both cases involve Klavier having Apollo and the individual he's investigating with figure out something that doesn't seem to be significant to the case but is actually crucial evidence (Daryan's missed cue in Turnabout Serenade and the Gavinners banner in Turnabout Academy)
Both have personal significance to Klavier in some way (Daryan was the culprit of Turnabout Serenade and his mentor is the victim of Turnabout Academy)
You would not be blamed for saying "Klavier there was a MURDER" every time he shows up in both cases
Klavier's roles in Turnabout Serenade and Turnabout Academy are similar enough to me that it caught my attention almost immediately (in fact, I tagged the screenshot I posted of Klavier telling Apollo and Athena to look for the Gavinners banner as "turnabout serenade ass behavior"). That also means that his behavior is similar in both cases; the primary difference, in my opinion at least, is that Klavier's more intense and mean in Turnabout Academy (which was obvious to be quite quickly).
Part 2.4: Klavier's Shifting View of Kristoph
(This isn't important I just wanted to bring it up)
It's made pretty clear in Turnabout Succession's 2019 section that Klavier has a positive view of Kristoph. Klavier takes Kristoph at his word that Phoenix is going to present forged evidence and keeps him anonymous when he mentions that he gave him the tip that Phoenix would present forged evidence. He was excited to go against him in court (which just makes the fact that Kristoph forged evidence to beat him a lot more sad), something he even acknowledges when it's made clear that Kristoph forged the diary page that got Phoenix disbarred ("...Kristoph! We were supposed to face each other in that trial! A fair fight, brother to brother! I deserved that much! You let me borrow the victim's belongings... ...You showed me all your research on the case!").
We can literally watch this crumble during Turnabout Succession. He knows Kristoph is a good defense attorney; when Apollo first meets Klavier in court, Klavier says that he's prosecuting the case because he wanted to see the true strength of "the little boy who bested" Kristoph, which at the very least implies he respects Kristoph's skills as a defense attorney. That's completely crumbled by the end of Turnabout Succession, with Klavier literally telling Kristoph "You're not needed anymore." It's honestly really sad to watch too. It makes you wonder what was going through his head during that span of time during Vera's trial where Klavier's just not as talkative as he usually is and Kristoph's on the witness stand.
(To be clear, I think Klavier knew Kristoph was a piece of shit before Turnabout Succession. I don't think Kristoph's emotional abuse of Klavier started during Turnabout Succession, and I very much think Klavier knew that Kristoph was a piece of shit because of it. However, I don't really think he would've expected anything that came out during Turnabout Succession, which is why he reacts how he does. I also think it would be safe to assume that either Kristoph only started emotionally abusing Klavier after Zak's trial or Klavier realized that's what he was doing after Zak's trial, due to Klavier's attitude toward Kristoph holding the implication that if Kristoph was actively being abusive at that point in time, Klavier didn't realize it)
Part 3: What We Can Conclude About Klavier Based On This Information
I've mentioned it before (in fact it's in the Klavier breakdown animation analysis I linked earlier in the post), but Klavier's behavior comes off as him not having been able to properly grow up, whether because he became a celebrity when he was 17 or for some other reason. It's like he regresses back to 17 during traumatic situations, or possibly has some sort of relapse if we assume he got mental health treatment between the 2019 section of Turnabout Succession and the start of Turnabout Corner, and his behavior supports that, which is fucking heartbreaking. It's like he's putting on a mask of maturity because he was forced to. By who? Could be anyone. He could've felt obligated to do it by his status as an international celebrity. He could've been pressured into it by the Gavinners' record label (assuming they weren't indie). Kristoph could've pressured him into it because Klavier had eyes on his every action on a global scale. He could've experienced some kind of psychological trauma that caused it. There are so many potential explanations here and they're all fucking heartbreaking.
Part 4: Conclusion
So. 3.3k words later. This is longer than my Ryulock/Homumiko essay. Anyway, conclusion: I don't think Klavier's ever been flanderized. I think people are misreading his primary trauma response (that being, some form of regression or relapse). He's not even the only person this happens to in the series (*stares at Athena*), it's just not obvious with Klavier if you don't consider ALL his behavior together, including his behavior when he's 17 because that's really what explains his behavior in my opinion. Klavier's behavior isn't easily explainable in a nearly 3.5k word essay without knowing how he was at 17.
And yes, you could argue that this is all coincidence. You could argue that none of this was intentional, especially when you consider how Ace Attorney is written. Someone who goes into Dual Destinies without playing Apollo Justice first won't get the additional context required to recognize the full extent of Klavier's behavior.
I would beg to differ however. Some of Phoenix's bitchiness from Apollo Justice is still present in Dual Destinies and Spirit of Justice, and I very much think that was intentional. Apollo's behavior in 5-4 and 5-5 are very much indicative of him having trust issues as a result of everything that happened with Kristoph and that's a hill I'll die on. Simon still acts the same as he did in prison, likely as a result of either trauma, habit, or both.
If you think Ace Attorney doesn't reference past games in characters' behavior, you're underestimating Ace Attorney's writing. I absolutely think Klavier's behavior in Turnabout Academy and his behavior in Turnabout Serenade are meant to be reflective of each other. I'd be genuinely surprised if that's not an intentional parallel and if it doesn't indicate something about Klavier's response to traumatic events. Even worse, I am quite sure that Kristoph has put him down over this. Hell, you could argue that his comment about Klavier being stressed to the point of uselessness is him putting Klavier down for how he copes with trauma. It explains why he was so quiet while Kristoph was on the witness stand, actually.
I also don't think Klavier's as egocentric and quite as much of a perfectionist as he lets on. I think it's part of what I referred to earlier as Klavier relapsing. I very much think he might've been like that at 17, but much like his other behavior at 17 it feels like he grew out of it, and he has a tendency to fall back into it during traumatic situations, whether it's as a defense mechanism or just how his brain responds to trauma.
Essentially this causes traumatic situations for Klavier to turn into him bottling everything up, which comes across to other people (including anyone who decides to play Apollo Justice and Dual Destinies) as irritability. This happens to me too; I'm prone to emotional overreaction but I've gotten to a point where I tend to bottle it up instead of doing literally anything else.
Capcom, please for the love of the Holy Mother give Klavier therapy.
#i worked on this for six hours pls reblog it if you think it's worth anything lmao#(nobody asked but this is almost 4k words. of just me talking about klavier)#also deepest apologies for any inconsistencies. when i do stuff like this i tend to think while i'm typing which leads to inconsistencies#ace attorney#apollo justice ace attorney#dual destinies#klavier gavin#ace attorney analysis#character analysis#aa4#aa5#apollo justice spoilers#dual destinies spoilers#aa4 spoilers#aa5 spoilers#tw abuse mention#long post
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Hey. Remember that Metamorphosis fanfic you linked me when we were talking about Queenie? Yeah I finally read it and it destroyed me. FUCK YOU (THANK YOU) ((IT WAS SO GOOD)). A Kinger/Queenie centric fanfic was exactly what I needed and I wish there was more
HEHE HELL YEAHHHHH im so glad my recommendation could prompt someone else to read it!!!!!!!!
its my FAVORITE tadc fanfic (arguably one of my fav fanfics just In General), if u saw that like 600 word comment on it that was me LMAOOO, it has SUCH good pacing and character interactions and has one of THE most interesting examples of a cognitive change in the main character that ive seen in a fic. im still in awe of how he managed to do that, cus conveying a gradual shift in how a characters comprehending memory and the world around them without it seeming abrupt or borderline nonexistent is EXTREMELY challenging. that the reader can tell whats going on as its happening is SOOOO cool!!!!!!
that AND just. the charaacter interactions. i love how queenie interacts with everyone. the scenes w gangle make me collapse into dust. i love gradually hearing each of the characters get mentioned in their own ways its kind of horrifying. "he doesnt think queenie got better" makes me want to bawl, and the shift from "queenie hasnt been feeling alright lately" [repeated] -> "queenie really hasnt been feeling alright lately" -> "he doesnt think queenie got better" -> " queenie is dead" -> "kinger hasnt been feeling alright lately" makes me. .augh. aoughhhhhh. "the first player to never know queenie" fucks me UP
anyway. point being i LOOOVE this fic so much i NEED to reread it again bc its been WAY too long since i last sat down to read it, though i genuinely do regularly think about it HAHA. for anyone reading this post that hasnt read it, u can read it here!!! worth noting the author of this fic IS also on tumblr and his acc can be found here!!!
i do think its funny like i havent searched thru tadc fics in a Minute but all the ones i remember REALLY loving had to do w kinger HAHA i think something about that man just brought out the fic authors who like to write like... grounded and vaguely-to-very sad things which i DEEPLY enjoy. one i remember being especially fond of was Just Hold Onto Me!!! which i think has a fun grasp on the series silliness but with enough emotional sincerity that works REALLY well imo!!! i need to reread it again too its also been far too long, ive spent so much time on tumblr nd yt i forget to come back...
i need to get back into looking around for rly good tadc fics, im truthfully quite picky with fics so i dont read them verrrry often, BUT its always SO fun finding really REALLY good ones, and one day i really gotta try to find some pomni ones
#ask#it makes me wanna get back to work on my pomni kinger fic...... someday ill finish that#im just at a weird point in it where im now a bit jaded abt all ive got written for it...#which is a BIT unfortunate when i have a little over 4k words written. im tempted to rewrite it all#but i also havent had much prose writing ability iin my brain lately...#waves hand. one day!!!#AND!! fun fact.#that the other day i mentioned i wanted to make a timeline for myself!!! and i still want to and eventually im sure i will#but as a fun thing for when im finally done w that is that the time frame i place queenies abstraction in is genuinely incpired by this fic#its why i really view ragatha in particular as having known queenie too!!! and i liek it when gangle knew her also :D#though w gangle i do get a bit lenient.... but i try to keep it bc i just rly like the events of that fic#and i want it to be canon. in my heart
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actually there's no need to make this assignment any more complicated than it already is. horatio vs patroclus 'the lovers' epilogue' short story from 2021 revamped now ok?
#i have to do 7k words (4k creative 3k critical) and my extension isnt for as long as id like. my initial project is fun but im not in a#headspace rn to be able to do it justice and im needlessly panicking about it being perfect. i think it might be best to work with smth i#already have the groundwork for in the kind of layout i work best in (two characters yapping with minimum external description)#i stopped it in 2021ish because i found it a bit too fanfic-y for my tastes but. happy 2025 this is on cambridge for letting me in.#stay tuned :)#notnow#and tbf. fanficness aside. i was onto smth insofar as the actual foils went... horatio who resents patroclus being associated with him from#the moment he didnt actually have to deal with the aftermath of losing someone and got to simply 'jumpstart' the action instead#patroclus got to do the easy thing (die). horatio has to carry the epilogue#and yet theyre both often positioned as respective parallels/classical lovers in popular discourse. which i think is very fascinating#and comes with delightful interpersonal crossover implications#anyway. you can also tell this idea was old because i was still writing about men
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i am going to get this section out tomorrow or so help me
#about 1500 words/75 minutes of that was new writing#the rest is editing baybee!!#I retype everything to edit it which is why the first 29 chapters of mating habits are uh#not very edited#because it takes forever#taking a short break to let my fingers rest because i can only do ~25 minutes of this at once lol#I manage like 3.5k-4k words per hour editing so at least it's not as slow as it could be#7800 more words of this to go through!#ramblings
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this is part 1 of my catholic guilt eddie/buddie wip! (working title) i've previously posted small snippets here and here, but this one today is the opening scene!
At the end of the night, after Tommy swoops in and saves the day, delivering Chimney to the altar by chopper, after the vows and kisses are exchanged, after people have eaten and danced and drank and celebrated—
At the end of the night, Eddie finds Buck.
He’s standing alone at the edge of the garden, watching people dance. The party is starting to break up, the crowd thinning out. There’s something wistful and sad in Buck’s expression, and Eddie finds himself walking over to him before he even thinks about it.
“Where’s Tommy?”
The man had been here earlier. After the heroics, he had stayed for a while. Eddie had watched as he and Buck danced together without meaning to, drawn to the two of them slow dancing to the band Maddie hired. Eddie had caught Buck’s eye over Tommy’s shoulder and lifted his glass in a toast. Buck’s nose had crinkled in disgust. How are you drinking right now? he seemed to ask, which made Eddie’s stomach roll in turn, his hangover roaring back to life. He shook his head and pointed to the gatorade bottle on a nearby table. Eddie watched as Buck’s mouth went crooked like it did when he was trying not to laugh.
Tommy had glanced over his shoulder, then. There was something in his gaze when he made eye contact with Eddie, something calculating that had Eddie looking away.
He didn’t know what to do with the flush of embarrassment he felt. Like he had been caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to. He left them to it, slinking away to where Marisol was waiting for him inside.
Now, though, he’s standing with Buck alone.
“Tommy left.”
“He had to return the chopper, huh?” Eddie tries to joke, but Buck doesn’t react.
“He said…” He watches as Buck takes a deep breath. “Tommy and I—It’s not going to work out.”
Eddie doesn’t know what to do with that. “What? I thought you said the second date went well.”
“It did.”
“And then Tommy flew in here, delivering Chimney to save the day. I thought you’d be into all that knight in shining armor schtick.”
“I was. Am.”
“So?”
“It’s just… not going to work.”
“That sucks, I’m sorry man,” he says lamely. “I’d offer you a drink, but.” Buck doesn’t laugh. “Do you want to come over later?”
“I probably shouldn’t,” Buck says, and there’s — something in it that Eddie can’t identify.
“Maybe this weekend, then.”
“Listen,” Buck runs a hand through his hair. Eddie resists the urge to smooth it back down when it sticks up. “Tommy said something before he left, and I—I think he might be right.” There’s a pinched quirk to his lip. “He said that it wasn’t going to work out between us because it’s obvious I’m caught up in my feelings for someone else.”
There’s a whisper of a thought in the back of Eddie’s mind that fills him with dread; he refuses to think it. “Who, Natalia?”
“No.”
“Taylor, then.” It made the most sense, it had been Buck’s longest relationship. The sting of their breakup had lingered. Her betrayal of Buck’s trust had hurt them all, and even if Eddie never liked her, it’s obvious that Buck loved her. Even though the thought of her coming back into their lives made him want to vomit.
But Buck — Buck looks at him with this look in his eye, and he’s not, not sad but more regretful. He’s anxious. Eddie is suddenly, painfully aware that he doesn’t want to hear what Buck’s next words are.
Because he knows what Buck is going to say. He’s going to say it, he’s going to name the thing Eddie’s been so carefully avoiding. Their relationship has been a minefield for years, and Eddie has gotten extremely good at picking his next move carefully, but Buck is about to throw caution to the wind and take a daring step forward without watching where he places his feet.
He’s filled with so much dread in an instant, but he’s helpless to stop Buck as he’s opening his mouth to say:
“Eddie, I think I’m in love with you.”
Buck says the words, and nothing changes.
Everything changes, really, everything that matters anyway, but — it’s not the explosion of movement Eddie is expecting. It’s like the earth stands still. The party sounds fade to nothing, the twinkling lights frozen in time. Nothing moves. There’s no wind, no insects buzzing, nothing at all.
It feels monumental, like something should be shifting. Everything should be thundering with the weight of this moment, but. Nothing. It’s like a hush has fallen instead, the world taking a pause to watch them, waiting to see what happens next, and Eddie—
Eddie takes a step back.
He doesn’t know what Buck’s expression does because he very stoutly doesn't look at him.
“Eddie,” Buck says, but Eddie is already shaking his head and taking another step.
“I have to, um,” he doesn’t even come up with an excuse before he’s turning his back to Buck and walking away.
#buddie#buddie wip#911 fic#spec i guess but like... not really#cge wip#i'm hoping by posting this can muster up some motivation to keep writing lmao#this wip is currently around 4k words and i'm estimating it'll be about 15k when done which is... intimidating#in an ideal world i finish it before thursday but i guess we'll see. place ur bets.#evan buckley#eddie diaz
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Okay so yall know the Frostbek oneshot I posted a while back? Yeah, that wasn’t the initial one. That was technically the second one. Which I wrote as a way to avoid writing the first one, because I couldn’t figure out how to write a conversation between Frost and Gricko that sounded real enough from Gricko’s end (why is this fucker so hard to write omfg)
Anyway, I say this bc I just realized that I’m nearly at the point in my rewatch I was at when I initially started writing the oneshot. I mean, I’m nearly done with the oneshot now (thank fuck, this thing is a BEAST), and it’ll either be done sometime tonight or tomorrow if I keep on it. So hopefully I’ll post it sometime on Wednesday :)
#it’s already 3.5K words and I’m not done yet#it’ll probably end up being about 4K words when I’m done#which is actually kinda funny bc my other Frostbek oneshot is almost 4K words#I just won’t shut up about them I guess#/lh#tho I think I might make this one kinda like a part 2 of the one I posted first#bc timeline wise it does take place later#and I’ve been writing a bit of a reference to the previous oneshot so idk#I’m actually quite proud of how it’s coming along so far tbh#despite how much I struggle with it lol#legends of avantris#once upon a witchlight#ouaw#torbek#morning frost#frostbek
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to the person who left critical feedback on my bob dylan study I love you . I do plan to mention that in the discussion following the results section because it was SUCH a blunder that I was kicking myself for midway through collecting results but I didn't want to change horses in midstream so I just left the survey as it was. But there were so many little gender-related caveats I forgot to consider to be honest so I'm just rolling with the punches
#the issue is so many lines are blurred when it comes to discussing identity so I didn't want to place too many specifications on what it#meant to be genderqueer. but at the same time it would have been SO helpful to have like a scale with masc and fem on either side to#sort of distinguish the standpoints of different people. which also would have solved the issue of butch cis women and stuff which#I couldn't figure out how to consider without overcomplicating things when I was making the survey#MAYBE IF I HAD PLANNED THIS BETTERRRRRR but it was supposed to be a silly project and I made the survey at like 1am one evening. oh well#maybe I will do it again and it will be amazing and way better. such is the way of studies#to be hoenst I didn't want to overcomplicate it BECAUSE it was a silly project but now that I'm in so deep I may as well go the whole way#but anyway. I'm 2.5k words into this report and I haven't even done the discussion so let's go. it's so gonna reach 4k I just know it#emi's meandering jotts
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Hey, will the Welsh be mad at me if I put Camelot in Cadbury Castle instead of one of the possible places in Wales in my BBC Merthur fic...? No? Cool. 'cuz I work with maps, y'all, we're having knights going on quests and a warlock disappearing into an old forest and a king riding after him, I need to map out everyone's trajectories and honestly I do not have time to get a degree in 100% historically and nationally accurate arthuriana. As much as it does hurt me to not spend the rest of the year brushing up on my folklore-accurate Welsh arthurian canon, sorry. Camelot is in Somerset, Tintagel in Tintagel, Cornwall, the Saxons are invading from old Alba, Londinium is around and making trouble for everyone and Brecon Beacons (wasn't that the place in Torchwood where the team met the cannibals...?) in Wales is covered by an old forest. It's the 5th century AC and it's fantasy, there's dragons and wizards and shit, who's to say there wasn't a magical mystical forest there after all.
#see my problem whenever i write anything is that it needs to be accurate and correct#i have to do research I HAVE TO or else nothing makes sense#which is partly why it's hard for me to finish anything#this is a dumb self-indulgent merthur fic where arthur is a simp for merlin and his knights are laughing at him#why am i doing so much research what even the hell can somebody stop me#anyway. wrote something like 4k words today. total word count 5k. still one part to type and one part to edit and then type.#i will finish this fic (with minimal time wasted in reearch nobody but me cares about)#rapha talks#rapha writes#merthur#merlin#merthur fic#arthuriana#at some point i had like 7 different tabs about arthuriana topics opened i had to forcibly stop myself
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Stuck at work but thinking about chapter four of Remember Again...
#already have 6k written#but thats because i had 4k written a month and a half ago#ut this is one of my favorite chapters#that im most excited for#ill probably have it written today or by tuesday#im expecting 8k words?#maybe?#which is just under double of the next longest chapter#and like 3 times the longest chapter of the other me lmao
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1700 words and i havent even gotten to the point yet....
#wip#tired as hell might stop and just continue working on it tomorrow#i dont wanna lose momentum but its 6am...#700 words is the incomplete build up to the thing i drew the comic of#nc the comic took up ~1k words#which makes me thiiiiink thisll maybe end up around like#3-4k words? somewhere around there? im bad at estimating these things#and thats assuming this goes right. a lot of this isnt necessarily planned. i have specific points i have in mind but its very loose
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Regarding that one post you reblogged, I reload your snippets fic everyday even if im aware of your schedule. It's a nice surprise when i suddenly see it updated when I didn't check tumblr first.
I'm not sure which post you're refering to but, same. I also check my AO3 daily to see if I have any new comments.
But it also makes me happy to hear that there are people out there who is this excited for the next Snippets chapter :D
Makes me want to write even more for Snippets.
#asks#snippets of sirin schariacs life#it recently became the most kudos'd hi3 fic#i know not to count kudos and id never advertise snippets as being the best hi3 fic#but i failed multiple classes due to me being unable to describe things#or even write a short story about anything if it was swedish class#so having Snippets AU rise to the top of hi3 fics means so incredibly much to me personally#i love to see that people like my story so much#makes me rise/keep my quality standard which is why im currently rewiritng 4k words of the ch105 wip
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i am aware Suzanne Collins will likely never write a Finnick Odair novel so I have taken it upon myself to do it myself with fic
*insert thanos "fine, ill do it myself" meme here*
#el rambles#thg#finnick odair#i am notoriously bad at sticking with writing#but i currently have like 4k words which is the most i have written nonacademically in a v long time#also i am aware several fanfics like this probably already exist#but also i have very specific ideas and headcanons i wish to incorporate#if this becomes anything it likely wont include a detailed description of his games and def wont feature detailed depictions of exploitatio#but it would focus on his life before and after the games#bc i think his trajectory from career to rebel is so interesting#and everything with annie and mags#and even johanna and haymitch and the other victors#so yeah#wish me luck i guess#if ur still reading these notes ily have a great day
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what is it about smut that makes me literally talk for ages bc like. now this drabble is turning into a whole fic too what the heck do i do now 🧍🏽♀️
#like when it’s just a fluff drabble#i can keep it short#but#every time i try to write something remotely scandalous#i’m like ok i gotta give this backstory#and oh we gotta have this scene to establish this detail#oh but i can’t forget that 12 years ago this happened so now that’s why that happened which led to this#and of course there’s the fact that they both have this and that and#boom#now i’m 4k words in#not remotely close to the sex scene i had in mind#and now i’m not even in the mood to write smut anymore and i have like#18273 scenes left to work out and#WHY#why do i do this to myself
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i feel really stuck with my fic rn AH i have the big plot points and i know what needs to happen this chapter but it feels boring ?? but i have no inspiration
#which is also bad timing bc if i dont finish it today itll be a few weeks and i feel bad bc its already been 2 weeks#tbf i could just do what i have rn bc itll be 4k words when my aim is 3k but like it just feels bland#fic: help me hold onto you#m talks
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.....i think im gonna have to rewrite part of chapter 11
#i just! dont like it!#time to start over#well i like the One Scene which is the most important one#but i need to rewrite the beginning cause it's like.. bad#that means i'm probably going to rework about 4k of this chapter#and save 3600 words#it's gonna be a long chapter. i won't split it. but given its current form is 7.6k it could reach 10k
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