#which u know could still be a positive thing cuz people want to get better at the game so they fighty

[jenivi]

you dont get random lobby squid parties like this anymore

[ca-suffit]

Hi! Have you watched Jacob interview? He made very clear he dislikes Loumand and kinda make the same point Lestans do, they are all monsters so you can’t judge them. He also said Louis know he has some kind of power ove Lestat, he means Lestat loves him so much he knows how to hurt his feelings and being cruel I guess. I love him but he gave some points to the worst part of the fandom :/

Putting this ask with this too: "have you watched jacob’s interview with autumn? he hates loumand so. much. and he does not seem to like armand much either lol maybe no jassad interviews was for the better"

I watched and took extensive notes and bitched on twitter.

To touch on Loumand first, here's the one positive thing he said that I wanted to get down word for word, cuz I knew the fandom would overlook it (not any of u, I mean in general).

"And, like, I think the fact he jumps into that relationship with Armand so quickly…which I think is, like, um….I think that it is based on something. There is an attraction, there is a pull. But, like, the fact that he jumps into that relationship in the way he does. And he has to construct this kind of dream version of Lestat. He's not able to be on his own. He's just not one of those people. He has to have a distraction and he has to have, I think, something to fight against. Like he needs…a….like a foil? He needs…he needs like…some…some passion but also somebody that he can disagree with and have a problem with. And it distracts him from all the problems he has with himself." (From the "Louis is finally living on his own" segment)

But, ya, overall...aside from saying at a point that he does feel bad for Armand (and complimenting Armand as an individual character outside of being with Louis), it is v heavy on disliking Loumand and kind of killing it all dead p instantly. He does say "Fuck Lestat" too but he also refers to them as "soulmates" and mentions the "vampire bond" and all (which I thought everyone agreed is not....rly real? Not in the way Louis is using it to excuse his pull to Lestat, anyway, but...idk w/e). But, ya, he says at a point that he feels like Loumand never rly even spent much time together. That Louis was always out eating and doing something and Armand would stay behind and "play house."

He also does later touch upon a fear of being too dismissive of them but also says he didn't understand their relationship in the book either and feels like the show is true to the book (it is and it isn't).

I mean. I think there's a lot that could be talked about more in all of this but Autumn isn't someone who...asks about much, so here we are.

Like. I fucking hated that whole "can't moralize," "they're all awful" shit too, bcuz ya I know the fandom is gonna run wild with that. I also think, sry to Jacob, that it's shit to say that? There's a lot u can still explore in a topic about a character's motivations. There's a LOT of racial motivations for things in these stories, for example, and it's v harmful to gloss over them and say they're all awful and it's just what it is. I also don't expect only the actors of color to speak on this tho, I think white actors should be talking about this more often too bcuz there's more protection there to speak about it without being seen as "a problem." I'm not trying to go too hard on Jacob for this part, just like I don't think Delainey needed to be the one asked about the trial (and still the only one who has been?).

There was a little bit of the cruelty part that I liked (this is in the "Louis's cruelty" section) where he calls threatening Lestat with "vampire loneliness" a "mutual punishment." I think there's a lot to explore there for the character of Louis, for the Loustat relationship, for what it does to Lestat too. But...not in this fandom lol. Not with the "mutual punishment" prbly leading to some bullshit about 1x5 again ffs. But there was a rly bad post in the last week about not being able to see all these "book" Louis qualities in Jacob's Louis and this is such a prime example of some real Catholic shit Louis does.

This is long. I might write separate posts later going into more stuff from my notes and having this sit in my head some more.

I want to be clear tho that this isn't meant to be any excuse for slamming Jacob or simplifying this down to shipping wars or whatever else. It's overall all connected to racism issues in this fandom and the ways that all of these conversations (or lack of them) affect these things too. All of these actors are their characters as well and all tend to speak from their perspectives and also know these stories from other angles and goals of the show instead of whatever reasons we're all here. I wish the interviews had more depth but I'm not trying to create more friction in the fandom with reducing this down to some kind of soundbite like "fuck Jacob cuz he doesn't like Loumand!" or w/e.

[cogbreath]

obviously im in a state of bejng brutally honest with u guys so yeahb but would you guys be okay if my alters who r technically introjects of 9/11 hijackers wanted to meet you guys/be open??? like tbeyre nice guys.

the one specifically that wants to be open is ziad. mohamed he doesn't particularly care about that prospect but i do think he could benefit from the opportunity. neither of them exist because of the fact i idolize the hijackers or condone their actions or anything, they exist obviously due to circumstance, me splitting whilst in the middle of my 9/11 investigation fixation.

ziad in particular he is really nervous because what people would think, and hes also a practicing muslim like me and he's afraid of the islamophobia, like he says the situation of who he is does not look good at all and would give many ppl a reson to want to hurt him and the rest of us by proxy ans so we previously agreed to pretend to everyone like he and mohamed dont exist and they jsut fronted stealth mode pretending they are me but ziad wants to be himself. idk do u guys think its a good idea or bad idea. i want to be safe i dont want to give anyone an excuse to try to hurt us, and plus i also feel like ppl pretend to be okay about "problematic" introjects? like i feel that deep down ppl seem to think that they exist because the system/someone in the system idolizes feels positive about what their source is.

like okay i will admit to you that in my studies i feel the hijackers were the target of actual discrimination, which ended up becoming their justification for their actions in their opinions. and while that doesnt excuse or justify what beliefs they went onto hold and the actions they took, i can still recognize, as a muslim myself, that like, damn. the united states is a fucking awful country and i can somewhat (SOMEWHAT) understand how one would come to think that they needed to do what they did. i dont think they are super tragic ppl poor wooby figures who didnt know wtf they were doing. as they were adult men who ultimately shoulda known better. but me learning that stuff plus being traumatized at the exact same time i was learning said things lead to introjects developing.

point is. i dont wanna let them be open if it's under the circumstances that they have to constantly hate themselves publicly and feel bad and apologize on behalf of what happened in regards to their source cuz OBVIOUSLY they didnt fucking actually do that. basically, what do you guys think. can they be open safely and recieve the respect that a non "problematic" introject would get,

or do u think that it would come across to everyone as some sort of insiduous thing and ultimately wouldn't be worth bothering?

[brb-on-a-quest]

20:A song that has many meanings to you

Ohhhhh this one is kinda hard bc it's not that it's all meanings but more like... memories and associations.

I think the song that first broke me (in a good way) after I heard it was this one

IRL Beloved sent it to me while I was living at my aunts for a couple of months and it was the first time I felt listened to by a song in such a long while? Other songs in this category are (Battle born by FFDP, Sorry about your parents by IFH, Guardian by Aetherrealm- actually I should make a playlist for that, see what's on it).

Idk if you meant to get a lore drop but uhhhhh here u go: "I like digging holes and hiding things inside them. When I grow old, I hope I won't forget to find them." -> I journaled all throughout when I was a kid (very inconsistently) because we moved far more than literally most people I know (not as bad as some ppl, but I've lived in over double digit amount of houses In 1.5 decades of my life, in a couple different states. Do I have a lot of these journals? sadly no. I have fragments of them now. Most of them I pray have been lost or destroyed. Some of them I tried writing on google docs and I have a couple of blogging stints I tried (pretumblr on blogger.com- no you can't look for them they're private dontworry). Writing/reading were the part of my life that was really a very consistently enjoyable hobbies and escape and that's why I will keep writing until I die even if I am consistently very bad at posting or actually committing to it.

"I build a home and wait for someone to tear it down.....And a thousand times I've seen this road A thousand times." This is what my childhood was after the first logistical move I remember. Whenever we moved, I knew it was temporary until we found something different. This is not necessarily a woe-is-me thing I swear. I enjoy getting to new places and exploring and the first bit of falling in love with life again and new beginnings. But a lot of times it was hard to enjoy the new beginnings when the wounds of endings are still there (: (Side note I also associate this with Dr. Who and him building a relationship with of his companions before they get ripped away from him also the I DONT WANT TO GO david tenant face I'm sorry).

"I've got no roots, but my home was never on the ground" Over the years, I've built my home not in the ground or physical stability but in the loving relationships of the people around me whether that be sibs, friends, internet friends, college peeps, I've learned to associate home with not a place but like a purpose or a vocation or being present to a person in that moment (which is really hard cuz I fail but c'est la vie we try and fight again).

"I like standing still, boy, that's just a wishful plan. Ask me where I come from, I'll say a different land" I got asked this a lot. I'd give a different answer every time. Now for simplicities sake I'll just say the <Redacted> state I'm from to make things simpler to explain, but sometimes I recognize I'm not really from there or where I was born, or different places where I grew up.

I count gates and numbers, then play the guessing game. It's just the place that changes, the rest is still the same" Yeh this was standard on every single move. Still had family at the end of every move. The challenges of making new friends was the same. Was it perfect? nah. We're all idiots who are struggling for improvement at the end of the day and we're trying to make it better sooooooooo. idk. Ohana or something bitch idk.

Also I could go on about how the music in the background is bouncy like moving but its not necessarily a positive or negative connotation its just like... it me. this is my reality. it be like that sometimes.

[omanu]

hey, i just wanted to pop in and say that if i remember correctly you posted a selfie a while ago and i was thinking oh my god that's such a pretty person i need to draw him, and i tried going back to find it again but i think you deleted it since? which is perfectly ok, even if i didn't get a chance to draw you im glad i got to see you!! we've been mutuals for a few years now atp i think and im pretty horrible at talking to people, but when i came back to tumblr after a year or so and i saw you in my notifs it really felt like omg that's my friend! like yknow coming back into a barren wasteland and then someone pops up like hey bud im still here 😭 idk as i said im pretty bad at talking to people, but i do enjoy seeing you in my notifs, and as someone who's halfway to 30 and still in college with one single friend i feel you, but i also think it'll get better and no one is destined to be alone and miserable, even if it's really hard to not feel like it, and i think even if happiness takes a while to get to it's still gonna be worth it, everyone, and i truly mean Everyone!!! deserves to know they have a place in this world, we deserve to take up space and be ourselves and find people who want us the way we are, and ive been there where your brain tells you to just die already but honestly. im glad im still here and im glad you're still here, even if all it means is that i get to smile when i see you in my notifs <3 im one of those people who think if someone likes and reblogs my posts then we're friends already, so even if im just a silent little thing in your phone, im still here!! and so are you!!! and i think that's pretty neat

so yeah, anyway, that got a little long winded, but i hope, even if slowly and sometimes a little painfully, you'll find something and someone who makes you happy, you deserve to stick around and find little things (and big ones, too!) that bring you joy <3

- a beloved mutual

aah just know that i think i read these messages like a day after you sent them! im really touched, like, fjdkkf first of all, there is someone here?? second of all, thank you so much? for everything you said.

usually, rarely (?) when i get on here it's bc i feel so bad in my head that i dont think ppl on my twitter (where I live) deserve seeing any of my whining... and to be honest that place is not safe for that cuz strangers are always jumping on people for anything and everything, so thats why i come here to cry. im sorry for that cuz it makes it look like im always miserable, which is kinda true, but when it gets unbearable i need to write shit down. so, im here now, meaning: i was gonna do what i always do here :D but then i remembered i had to reply this message dkdkd

it's so cool that youre almost 30 thats amazing, and thanks for sharing that you Get Me cuz you probably do, this makes it feel more normal. Usually i dont really mind being so alone but it always gets to me at some point. and it's kinda like,, i totally believe i could be okay living like this, i wouldn't mind. but some days when everything seems shitty and ugly it feels so bad, yknow? im sorry i cant really be that positive rn, after all i came here to cry, but this is a nice way to try and stir away from my usual single pity-party.

and i cant believ u saw my selfie cuz the day after i felt really weird, like why did i say all of that, i am a loser! i dont even know why i complain about having no one cuz on my normal days i just know i dont mind it. so weird.

anyways! thanks again im glad youre here!!!

[diaryfullofsparklesandkisses]

Downsides to working:

I get nothing done

Zero creativity

No time or motivation for basic things

Tired from physically working

Upsides to working:

Not feeling guilty for being unemployed and failing at being creatively successful

Rent is easily paid

Health insurance

Saving money

It’s worth it. Unfortunately I’m still pretty convinced my actual purpose in life is to be creative and have a career with that and benefit ppls lives. And the failure will continue to make me sad, I mean what do I expect lol I’m just average at everything I do which is fine, it’s normal. But ya know, it’s not great to always be knowing your dreams and giving up on them.. actually executing some and having them flop because getting lucky would be so strange and slim. I mean like knowing u have something unique to offer but knowing u won’t be able to get a seat at the table because that’s just the way it is being small. Normal and fine, it happens to ppl every day. We have to expect it and be ok w it. It’s just nice when ppl interact with ur creativity, or u know it made their day better, or that ur painting is in their house and they look at it and like it all the time. It’s like ur adding something worthwhile to the world w ur gift and talent. That seems cooler than working every day monotonously just to come home and be too scrambled to get it together to work more.. the guilt of being unemployed was horrible, it’s so burned into our society. Like forbid u take a day “off” when unemployed to do nothing, that feels even worse. It feels amazing but the internal judgement of “laziness”. It weighs a lot. Idk I don’t care about my life that much but fuck this world that would make a setup where someone like what I’m describing can’t fully express their gift. I distance it from myself cuz idk about my gift lol I’m kinda weird and uggo. But artistic identity placed on someone else, I would want them to go full potential mode. I guess for myself working is absolutely a million degrees below my full potential but it’s what I have to do to survive. I have to kill my dreams (that aren’t even that farfetched lmao) and I knew this would happen, I knew I wouldn’t like it.. this sounds so silly probably like I don’t want to make it sound like I’m a martyr. I fully have to not care to get through the day. I try to not think about it. It does make me extremely pissed that so many others are likely in the same position and may never get their moment and connection with the career they could have. I think wasted creativity is sad, not everyone has to do it but for those who can and want to it should be encouraged. Like go be prolific, go be awesome. Obviously that’s near impossible to do for a variety of overlapping factors depending on the person. But also kinda, fuck art from a wealthy privileged person like it could be good obviously but I think we all know some really intensely interesting and valuable art and music comes from people who are not that. But u have to be at least somewhat wealthy to do something creative full time that’s more ur own thing. Idk it’s so weird, I like my job rn, fuck having a society where creative ppl are forced to like kill that part of themselves, kill their inner child right. That makes me so mad it’s fucked up. Literally the world would be a better place, so it seems like I’m pinpointing a problem. Dunno how to fix it.

[vrisrezis]

Sal fisher with a crush + relationship hcs

- sal with a crush is very sweet, but he is sweet in general

- upon meeting you, very nervous, he’s taken away by you

- as time goes on he still gets nervous, but it isn’t noticeable

- he gets very blushy, but again this is not noticeable due to his mask

- he likes spending time with you very often though, it’s likely you spend a lot of time with him and Larry.. but ofc that means ghost adventures and detective shit with them very often

- he can’t help but smile and laugh around you

- and his voice just gets so soft and just.. he can’t help it.. he loves you genuinely

- he will talk about you and there’s just so much love when he does

- he thinks you’re amazing

- goes to you often when he has nightmares, appreciates you being there for him

- asking you out scares him, you’re one of the best things to happen to him and he doesn’t wanna lose you

- Larry ends up forcing him though

- when he does he’s very nervous, stutters and allllll that

- relieved when you say yes but he has to do a double take “I understand.. I mean who’d wanna.... wait what?”

- he’s such a sweet, understanding, and comforting boy

- when he grows comfortable he likes to grab your hand at random times

- but you’d have to do it first, he wouldn’t wanna do something to make you uncomfortable

- takes a long time for him to reveal his face if you haven’t already seen it

- he’s just like so scared

- but when you don’t look away he finds himself crying

- that’s when he knows you’ll never judge him, like Larry

- lots of cuddles and hugs

- kisses from him arent often because of his mask, he likes you giving him hand and neck kisses though it always makes him flustered but really happy

- always with you, but Larry ain’t third wheeling promise... you’re the one that’s third wheeling if anyone is ...

- but the three of u usually on the same level so . Usually not lol

- if you were to get hurt he would be so scared

- if you’re missing like mans running and yelling for you like he just gets so worried something would happen to you

- but honestly can you blame him?

- would get mad if you did something stupid

- you protect and look after him especially when he gets depressed or bc of Travis

- he’s such a level headed and understanding boyfriend, he would understand whenever you’re upset/mad and he’d comfort you

- even when you’re being mean, he knows you don’t mean it

- comfort him, he doesn’t have good self esteem obviously

- he may not believe it when you call him oretty the first couple times but after awhile he might believe it

- hold him gently, face too ofc

- nobody’s ever looked at him .. after seeing that face of his.. with so much adoration and love

- so much love that he finally believes you actually find him attractive

- big cuddlebug

- when you start sleeping in the same bed he stops getting as much nightmares

- he can’t live without you tbh

- he doesn’t care for marriage, if you aren’t into marriage he doesn’t care. We all know he isn’t the traditional type anyways

- however he wouldn’t realize how happy it would make him to marry you until it happens

- likes the idea of kids! He loves kids actually

- might’ve thought about breaking up with you because he’s too “broken” and That you “deserve better than him” but Larry snapped him out of it quick

- appreciates just you loving him for all of him, including his face, and including the scary ghost shit

- likes hugging you for long periods of time

- maybe since you’re so protective you can get him out of the building where he killed his loved ones before the police are there :)

- you’ll comfort him, even if it’s hard for him to live with himself cuz of it. You’ll get him the help he needs and deserves after that

- and once again he’s reminded of how much he loves you and appreciates everything you do

- he never did take off that mask often enough, when you two are alone he takes it off quite a bit around you

- you are his home, you make him feel happy and welcome

- will buy you things, he wanna spoil you yes

- when his mask is off he likes kissing your lips the most

- his idea of romance is TV so obviously he would think kissing the lips is the best

- he remembered asking Larry if anyone would love him romantically, his mind immediately went to you and he silently hoped you loved him back

- he genuinely just feels so lucky

- sometimes he can’t believe he could have somebody like you

- he wants to look after you too! The boy is a sweetheart and will not rest until he gets to make you feel the way you make him feel

- braid his hair . Pls

- speaking of which he loves when you place with his hair

- good at comforting you through nightmares and stuff since you’ve done it for him so many times

- he just knows how to make you feel better and to feel more positive

- he’s ok with people bullying him but not you, will do whatever it takes to get the bullies eyes off you and on him instead, he’d rather take a beating than you plus you’re his protecter he’s gotta protect you for once.

- looks at you in class yessir

- he will always love you 😊

[eevee-nova]

Oumota, but i feel like you already answered something like that for it so Kaimaki too

Lol I could rant about oumota all day but cuz I know I have I'mma keep it short!

Ship It: (obvs)

1. What made you ship it?

Chapter 5. Full stop. I loved Kaito's character from the beginning and Kokichi grew on me but seeing their team up was 😍. I didn't originally ship it in a romantic context until I looked at the fan content and saw just how well the pairing works in a platonic as well as romantic lens. Plus I love a good narrative foil/enemies to lovers dynamic and they have the best I've seen.

2. What are your fave things about the ship?

Narrative foils, the fact that they understood each other better than anyone else despite hating each other, chaotic energy, smart boi/"dumb" boi, height difference, P U R P L E. But mostly the potential the ship has for so many different relationship dynamics. They work in any AU or situation. They came together during their hardest times so it's possible that under different circumstances they'd work as well. Domestically or casually, healthy or unhealthy, whatever you want to explore with the pairing, you can, and it'll stay in character for them. They're two great characters that become amazing when played off each other. Even in a platonic context.

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have for your ship?

Idk what's popular and unpopular so imma just give a couple headcanons?? Lol.

• Kokichi is a very "show my love thru actions" type of person so he doesn't always say "I love you" or other mushy stuff (except in a teasing way) so he'll get gifts or show kind gestures esp if he accidentally (or purposely) pisses Kaito off, he'll do sweet things to make it up to him.

• Everything is a competition with them. Theyd do dumb shit like "who can give the other more kisses in a day" or "who can get the other a better gift". They're pretty even with who wins, but Kokichi is a much more insufferable winner.

• Kaito would propose first, he'd make it super romantic and perfect and just how Kokichi would want it. But then a week later, Kokichi also proposes in an even grander gesture because he "needs to make sure Kaito wants to marry him just as much as he does."

Kaimaki tho... It kind of teeters on the edge for me. I love both Kaito and Maki as characters, and their friendship is sweet and romantically it's cute, like seeing art and reading fics I always find it adorable but canonically... It feels more one sided than anything. So I'm gonna say

Don't Ship It:

1. Why don't you ship it?

Maki very obviously had feelings for Kaito, she literally says so. However, I relate to Maki in the sense that I've felt unwanted and unloved and struggled to love myself. And I've had people who come along and make me feel special, almost like a replacement for that self love I needed. I think Kaito is that someone to Maki. He cared for her, and saw the good in her when others seemed not to, and as sweet and romantic as that can be, it also has potential to lead to a misunderstanding and over idealization. So from I guess a personal stand point it's one of those "oh yikes this doesn't seem ideal" situations.

2. What would have made you ship it?

Probably if Kaito showed a bit more of reciprocation, but he doesn't. Also if maybe there was a moment of Maki realizing that Kaito kind of has a lot of issues too.

3. Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it?

I think it still has potential. It's possible for them to grow and love each other in an equal way, but it requires a lot of effort on Kaito's part to bring down his walls for his friends. I think that Maki would need to also establish herself and understand who she is and what she truly wants because it's hard to tell if her feelings for him come from a genuine romantic love or if she simply loves the idea of Kaito. I just think it would end up very one sided without those things. Which, don't get me wrong, would still make for an interesting dynamic when it comes to exploring that part of their relationship.

This was tons of fun, thanks for asking!

Send me a ship and I'll tell you if I ship it or not! 😊💜

[bo0zey]

I hope you're doing ok, I only read about what happened at riot fest through someone who saw some of the people who fainted and had to be taken out, but to be in the situation that you were is so terrifying. I really wish I could whisk you to another concert of theirs, it breaks my heart that arseholes who have no regard to others' wellbeing ruined your experience. (And reading your post about how gerard was trying to control the crowd, I couldn't stop thinking about how disturbing it must have been to watch people fainting left and right and having to be surfed out of the crowd, and people still continuing to push.)

i'm okay!<3 i went home and hit the Hay afterwards lol. my abdominal cavity was still rlly sore tho lol like i couldn't eat my burrito once i got home :( which i shouldve expected cuz i couldnt even drink water without sharp stabbing pangs from my diaphragm n intestines still on bad terms with each other skjskjng . but i was better the next day :) . and i was so sad for the band you're 100% correct i can't imagine what they must've been thinking up there having to perform while so many people were getting hurt :/ . like gerard handled everything so well, better than the event organizers ffs, and i was so mad because then the tabloids were released ranking the 13 most "dangerous bands/crowds" at riot fest & MCR was right up there and it's like!!!!!! the band was doing everything they could to keep the crowd safe, pausing between every damn song, literally ZERO bantering from gee in between because he was too busy counting the steps he wanted the crowd to take back.

that's why i'm still kinda annoyed abt me almost fainting bc i know it's not my fault but i still feel so stupid n weak bc i feel like everyone thinks it's my fault too and i 'couldn't hang' but i was literally being crushed from all four sides of my body and my nose was in this stinky bitch's armpit like:((( it's not fair. and like i tried not to let the fact that i was almost barrier, ~1hr away from seeing the band whose music was literally the only thing i listened to from 12-16yrs old when my mom was sick and dying and i deadass had nothing left that resonated with me aside from mcr & the boys' side projects for 4 years straight. it sounds corny as fuck but it honestly felt like a dream come true to be able to see them live and so up close like??

but i'm not gonna lie i couldn't stay positive lol. i was in a fog and dissociated for their entire set. n like the fact that i was 1000000s of feet away from my original spot so i couldn't even see them on stage, just the big screen, it just made the dissociation worse because everything had already looked and felt unreal and now mcr felt unreal too but like in the worst way possible, like they actually WERE NOT real and i was watching a youtube video at home lol. and i've literally never tried so hard in my LIFE to re-ground myself because i wanted to be at least somewhat present for this once in a lifetime chance u know?? so i tried singing along but i couldn't because it made the shooting pains so much worse. then i tried just mouthing the words but the pain kept getting worse and i literally had to leave during the middle of TKFY because i was getting nauseous and lightheaded again. aside from the pain i truly couldn't feel anything while watching them perform i was just so numb from everything and i couldn't stop crying because i deadass felt zero happiness, and that realization made me cry more because they weren't even happy tears, they weren't the ones i'd expected to cry. it was honestly one of the worst feelings i've ever experienced, feeling nothing, just numb as fuck inside despite being live and present at the concert of the band that had at one point made me feel everything, every emotion, tenfold all at once. and there i was 10 years later, feeling nothing. tis a veerrrryyyyyy hard pill for me to swallow lol n im still tryna choke it down. i haven't been able to listen to any mcr songs since bc i'm afraid i'm going to experience the same empty feelings again orrrrr worse break down and cry like a little bitch n feel sorry for myself bc i was so.close. to having this 1 thing i always wanted but never thought i'd be able to have and then *poof* IT'S GONE. like i can't have shit in this world lol i jsut wanted to give my inner child some peace and remember happier days before mom was gone and what happpens instead??? god yanks mcr away from her too lmaoooo. it's like funny and ironic tbh idk. and then ofc for their last song gerard played cancer and i was 10000000000000 of feet away in pain while my stepmom tried 2 find me water n im just sobbing next to some trashcans bc suddenly im 12 years old realizing i just lost the last piece of my childhood n mcr can't soothe me anymore and mom isn't there either and now i truly have nothing left inside or outside myself that makes me happy:-). like i don't think i've EVER even cried to cancer bc i didnt think it was /that/ sad and my mom literally died of cancer and i still never cried??? But idk that was another weird sad thing that jabbed the knife in deeper lol.

but also ik why gee played it, they were supposed to close with TKFY but played cancer bc it's their slowest 'saddest' song which would hopefully make everyone chill the fuck out & leave without trampling each other. which, AGAIN, gerard is literally an amazing fucking frontman for once AGAIN going out of his way to try and mellow ppl out n keep everyone safe aND FOR TABLOIDS TO ATTACK THEM calling them the most dangerous band like!!!!!!!! it literally wasn't their fault ppl are just fucking idiots and don't understand BASIC PHYSICS/HUMAN ANTOMY DKDFNSKD. ngl the only reason i'm not wrathful abt the article is bc it's validating 2 me n my experience that Yes that crowd was actualyl fucking awful and what happened to me was OUT of my control n therefore it wasnt>:(my>:(fault>:(((

[teresa-moyocoyotzin]

short recap of my thoughts on 5x09

okay so i was gonna rewatch the whole episode and do a blow-by-blow reaction post but i’m not sure i’ll have time and i kinda wanna focus on watching my fave scenes from the show before tonight. also, everyone else’s reaction posts p. much sum up my thoughts lol 

nonetheless, i just wanted to give my main takeaways on the episode a week later, in case anyone cares where i’m at going into the finale! gonna go over the things i liked first, anyone who wants to just remain positive and not see any salty takes might wanna just stick to reading the first part b/c i definitely rant a bit at the end lmao. we’re still having a fun time tho 😂

THINGS I LOVED

- i mean... i think we know LOL

- obviously. i loved james and teresa’s i love you scenes, and kisses, and OOF THAT SEX SCENE. if someone had told me we were gonna get that scene back in like 2017??? i probably would have started literally floating. i totally respect that people had very specific ideas of what they wanted out of those scenes and could have different feelings about it but NOT ME BABES I AM ECSTATIC!!! i did go into the episode with a ~feeling~ that we were gonna get at least one ILY in the episode, and i just had a feeling it would be james, or at least that he would say it first. i’ve already explained in my meta about the scenes why i think it makes sense that he said it first and why i love it that he did, so i won’t go into that here. but i went in having really no expectations for it other than that it was gonna happen! i was debating about whether it would happen really casually while they’re talking, or in like a big action scene, or really dramatic or what, and what i would prefer, and i came to the conclusion that i would love it no matter what lol, but i was really into the idea of james just. fucking. saying it. while they’re just talking about something really casually. so therefore i was pretty happy with it when we got sort of a mix! they’re talking about teresa’s insane death trap of a plan so there’s that drama of “i don’t want to lose you esp. not before saying ILY” kinda thing, but it’s also just. so simple and sure! and then teresa’s i love you is like the perfect scene for me where one character is super focused on something else (in this case, trying to protect the woman he loves! agh!) and the other is just like.. i love you!!!! SO GOOD

- let’s see, what the hell else happened in this ep?

- oh okay i really liked james and teresa’s vibes this episode, they were so focused on each other and had this very ride-or-die feeling about them like they knew that each of their plans was increasingly stupid and desperate and might not even get them where they wanna go, but they were IN IT TOGETHER no matter what 😭i wish we had gotten a callback to that line but at this point, i’m p. sure they Know they’re in it together, and we do too. so it’s okay. i love that teresa still asks his input and considers his opinions even if she does her own thing anyways haha 

- oh on that note, i LOVED the moment where their plans to kill Kostya aren’t working and Teresa says something like “If I can meet with him in person, I can kill him myself” and James just has this LOOK that just is the epitome of the “I am in love with a women who is DESIGNED TO STRESS ME OUT” meme lol, it made me giggle, v classic QOTS moment 

- oh and of course, I LOVED that scene with devon and james at the end!!!!!!!! i was also confused about how james was showing all his emotions in that scene esp. since he tries to be stoic about his feelings for Teresa around Devon, but now that i’ve read a few people’s thoughts about, it i’m fully on board w the theory that james and teresa already knew this was coming, b/c they’re smart, and b/c james knows devon wouldn’t have let him walk away to save Teresa at the beginning of the season without motivation (like having him in place to kill her when she’s no longer useful to the CIA) and THEREFORE james was sort of “overacting” to make it believable to devon (and the audience lol) that he didn’t know this was coming, didn’t want to do it, but felt like he had to, rather than the fact that they were already plotting a fake death. that makes a lot of sense to me and makes me really love all the layers to that scene. it does give me a little bit of hope that the finale ~teresa’s not really dead~ reveal will be at least a little well executed and not just shoved in at the very end. we shall see though! 

- alright i think that’s what i loved about the episode, if u don’t wanna hear me bitching about the little things then u should probably stop here!! just have to get out some of my saltiness lol 

THINGS I WAS ANNOYED ABOUT

- i’m just gonna get it out of the way, yes, i too was supremely annoyed at the amount of KA and Pote take suburbia; it was all 1000% predictable down to the raccoon and the cookies, and the point could have been accomplished in exactly 1 scene, maybe 2, certainly not like 10 or however many we got. whatever. ugh. 

- okay. OKAY. chicho. we need to talk about chicho. i for one, am not mad that he called pote, my boy was stressed. I AM HOWEVER, mad at the writers for making pote come back after saying he trusted chicho to take care of teresa now. like. it totally devalued THE WHOLE THING!! imo, pote shoulda stayed his ass at home where we had to watch him settle all episode, and chicho should have gotten THE HERO MOMENT HE DESERVED (esp. cuz he’s on first name basis w teresa now??) which ALSO WOULD HAVE MADE THE SCENE WHERE TERESA GIVES CHICHO THE DISTILLERY AND THE BAR SO! MUCH! MORE! MEANINGFUL!!!!! or just made it make sense at all? like .... i’m just so confused by that whole plotline like what was the point? chicho does nothing but call pote and gets T’s whole legacy in NOLA? 

- and don’t even get me started on how it makes ZERO sense that pote would have had to charge in at the last minute to save teresa when JAMES THE SNIPER W AMAZING AIM WHO IS LITERALLY. IN LOVE WITH HER. is standing outside like. ur telling me james and chicho (who again, is supposed to be her #2 after james now) just stood there like “oh hey pote yeah you go ahead we’ll wait here good luck” like WHAT also.. how did pote get past all the guards that made james stay outside? are we meant to believe pote is that sneaky? y’all. it just. doesn’t make sense. this whole plot situation maddens me more than anythings tbh UGH JUST MAKE IT MAKE SENSE 

- oksana’s daughter..... what’s her name again? idk b/c we only MET HER THIS WEEK....okay this amuses me but i’m also annoyed b/c like. there were so many other women who could have taken that spot in the opening sequence... Lil T, Castel, hell even Isabela??? Like idk how they could have done it but they put so much effort into her plot in the first seasons that i really thought she was gonna end up w/ Teresa in the end.. idk that would have been kind cool, Camila’s two “daughters” eventually working their way out of the life together..again idk how they could have realistically done it but i really do wish it had been someone we met before. if it had to be someone new this season, they could have introduced her earlier instead of one of the seemingly dozens of random guys we knew for 1 episode before they died... like.. give her some depth please. is she even gonna be in the finale? honestly she better be after making us listen to pote welcome her into the family... like the family u were supposed to leave so u could have an actual baby pote? the family that’s literally dispersing as we speak? also.. since when did pote love oksana so much anyways? also...... just.. if teresa’s gonna have some sort of daughter figure or whatever she’s supposed to be, wouldn’t it make sense to have her be the one to give the big welcome to the family speech? idk y’all..... i’m amused but also baffled at the sheer lack of planning behind this. did no one realize they needed someone for the opening scene until like. halfway thru the season? did they plan to have it be castel but they couldn’t get her for filming (hence all the weird castel plots?) INQUIRING MINDS WOULD LIKE TO KNOW. it’s whatever tho lol 

- i just hope that what’s-her-name gets a lil bit of plot in the finale esp. since otherwise it might just be pote running around being pissy (i don’t actually think that haha but i am a lil nervous that teresa won’t come back until the last few mins and i’ll have to spend all episode looking at boaz and devon and pote and KA.. i haven’t looked at any spoilers tho so i’m still hopeful! i will probably make a post about my hopes going into the finale a lil later, both realistic and unrealistic :) 

[charmspoint]

what i know abt qifrey from u talking abt him uhh ok so he's genuinely just a nice guy but also he's evil and irredeemable but also he's literally just a pleasant gentleman

I know ur not asking for a rant about this but by god ur gonna get it.

So the thing is, I don't think Qifrey is evil or irredeemable at all. We joke around the fandom (at least i hope its mostly jokes) that he's evil and crazy but he's really not. If id have to pin Qifrey on a morality spectrum I'd say morally gray but leaning towards the good.

Did Qifrey do some messed up stuff? Yes, fo sure. But I've always gotten more of an impression that he's teetering towards the edge and not completely over it. He does do damage but so far he's mostly made sure that damage was extremely localized and not actually harming other people (I talked about before how Qifrey's own memory erasing spell seems weirdly specialized compared to what we were brought to believe memory erasing spell actually does when used by anyone else).

But now comes the question

Do I think Qifrey will get worse?

Yes, 100% I believe this is where we are going towards, I said before that I'm p convinced he will become some kind of obstacle for Coco down the line.

Qifrey is going through a LOT rn. He's already got ptsd from, you know being stripped of his identity, buried alive, almost drowned and then remembering he was experimented on like a lab rat, but now it's getting worse. Before he could at least relay on the fact that even though his past was horrible, his future was bright. He genuinely loves his job, he loves his girls, he loves teaching. This monolog gets me every single time

Now he's losing his future, he's losing not only his eye, but the whole identity he built out of nothing, he's losing his teaching position, he's losing his kids, he's losing Everything he gained after he had already lost Everything.

It leaves him rushing against an uncertain time limit, desperate, stumbling, sloppy. I don't think he's thinking straight anymore, not really. I think he's convinced he is being methodical and calculating but in actuality he's stumbling forward, grasping at straws, unable to hold on to anything but his need for revenge and the empty words that his actions aren't only for his own sake.

It's all very striking, in his relationship with Olruggio in particular. Olruggio is very clearly supposed to be the guiding light for Qifrey, the one who pulls him back when he goes too far, the one who helps him resist the growing darkness. It's very meaningful how as Qifrey continues on his path he makes sure Olruggio doesn't even know about it. He said it himself, if Olruggio knew, he'd try to save him. He'd try to bring Olruggio to light again and Qifrey doesn't WANT to be saved, he has decided on a road he wants to take and he won't allow anyone to change his course. Not even Olruggio.

So do I think Qifrey is evil?

No

Do I think he'll get worse?

Yes

Do I think he'll become evil?

Not really

See here's the thing. Qifrey's desperation, how quickly he's trying to work through this, how determined he is to throw everything else under the bus if he could just achieve his goals? All of that is dictated by the fact he's running out of time, the fact that once he loses his eyesight he can no longer be a witch. Eyesight is VERY important to witches since magic is a very visual art. We've seen with Tartar how something as seemingly miniscule as color blindness can basically doom someone, causing everyone around them to say they can't become a witch without good eyesight. So complete blindness is a death sentence to a witches career. Now, it's funny how a lot of the Coustas and Tartars arc has to do with adjusting the world to disability and not the person to the world. How it's made pointed, over and over again, that people with disabilities shouldn't be written off but given proper tools that will help them function, how the world should adjust to be a more comfortable place for all kinds of people and not just those who are already adjusted to it. Without the threat of his eyesight going out and cutting his whole identity into bits, Qifrey wouldn't have to act like this, he would be able to sit and think and not rush and if he still wants to pursue brimhats he could do it more safely for himself and everyone else because the desperation factor would be gone.

So what I think is going to happen is that Qifrey will lose his eyesight but won't lose his standing as a witch because he, Olruggio and the kids will figure out how to make magic accessible to him.

Now there's of course a bunch more unaccounted for variables which I'll probably have a better grasp on after the current arc is done being translated. Ininia and Lord Restis represent a very interesting development because they are brimhats introduced specifically via healing injuries. The rule of 'medicine magic isn't allowed cuz it's a slippery slope' has been there since the beginning of the series and a big thorn in the 'yeah the witch world rules are good and fair' side cuz of course, everyone thinks healing people should be allowed. Now the brimhats we've had so far were fully ready to attack and experiment on children's bodies in order to further their own goals so of course that immediately leaves you disliking them and not putting much account into their rhetoric even though it does make sense at times, but ur not gonna listen to ppl experimenting on kids. That's why I think Ininia and Lord Restis are interesting, cuz if they aren't literally attacking children they might get a good case in about medicine magic being allowed. I think we are going towards at least some sort of medicine magic becoming acceptable considering Tartar's arc. But then the question is, if some sort of medicine magic is approved, will it be used to heal disabilities cuz like...that would kinda suck. I would much rather have a 'world should be adjusted so disabled people can participate in it equally' narrative rather than the 'just heal the disability with magic lol' narrative. But honestly this whole paragraph is pure speculation because the arc isn't fully translated or even fully out yet but I sure af am LOOKING at it. I think it will be v important in understanding where the story is going to go. I just hope Shirahama does a good job with it, but honestly she never once let me down up until now so I'm feelin positive.

Circling back to Qifrey, I do think he's one of the kindest, most understanding, most lovable characters I've had a joy of reading and studying. But he does have a black hole in him that is pulling apart all that kindness, leaving him a shattering shell. I don't think he's evil, I don't think he'll ever become truly evil and despite what he's done I don't think any of what he did is irredeemable, especially with how careful he tends to be not to take away from people more than he has to to further his own goals. But I do think that hole will eat at him more and more and that before he can get better somebody will have to notice it and help him plug it up. Olruggio noticed and Qifrey refused the help, convinced that he can't be helped, not in the way he needs. He will need proof that he can keep his future before he can ease up on the frantic hunt after his past

[kono-rohan-da]

Captain and Coach

Some time ago, @blueboltkatana requested this to be written: Hey uh, I'm embarrassed to be writing this cuz I feel like I'm telling you what to write, but I've had this prompt in my mind for so long. I was thinking how Daichi wasn't just captain for the crows he had to act like a coach as well for quite a while and so he is used to giving advice and helping his teammates but didn't have someone to do that for him and Ukai of course notices and tells him he can leave the team to him now it's ok, and Daichi breaks down because he didn't even realize how much that responsibility weighed on him all this time. I mean Dadchi deserves a dad sometimes too! If u don't like if u don't have to write it it's ok I don't want to seem like I'm telling u what to do!!

Now it's written 😉 On AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32628205Or, read below ----

When Ukai Keishin became Karasuno high school’s coach, he thought he would be expecting a chaotic team that doesn’t know how to behave with a coach in the room. Turns out, he was wrong.

Sure, the kids could be rowdy as hell and would screw around but they had drive. They put in the effort. They expected a result and in order to get that result they put in as much work they could as possible.

One thing Ukai regrets, though, is the amount of time it took him to realize why the kids are always so much of a team without his interference.

The realization comes after his first Interhigh with the team. The clue came when he was watching his team return to the sidelines after losing, getting ready to line up and thank Aoba Johsai for the game. In his head, Ukai was planning to say words of comfort and a good job. Calm them down a bet, maybe offer a few hugs.

He had to do exactly none of that.

Sawamura already had an arm around Nishinoya, his free arm raised so he could rub Tanaka’s head. He moved around so quickly from one player to the other, patting the heads of the first-years, hugging the second and third years, pulling Yachi and Shimizu into a small group hug. It’d be only a week later when Ukai would realize that even though Sawamura had dealt out comfort and kind words he hadn’t gotten any in return.

It’s not long until exam day comes. Practice continues but only every other day in the afternoon. Ukai decided to test a little theory out.

During practice after his little revelation, he gave a few commands for drills but left the rest to Sawamura. By some stroke of luck, Takeda wasn’t here to ask Ukai what he’s doing and why he’s staring at Sawamura so intently. Just like Ukai expected Sawamura easily steps into a position of command and support, telling his teammates what to do, suggestions of improvements, and words of motivation that make even Tsukishima move a bit faster.

Sawamura is always moving around. Most people don’t notice this with Hinata and Nishinoya constantly running around but even they stop. Not Sawamura. Always looking around to see if his teammates are good, briefly checking if shoelaces are tied, tracking movement, provided perfectly timed words. At times Ukai wonders if there’s something otherworldly inside of Sawamura. No, he’s just a kid who cares a lot more than most.

“Sawamura-kun!” Ukai calls at the end of practice. “Can you stay behind for a few minutes? I want to talk to you about something.”

“Okay,” Sawamura replies, a smile of agreement on his face with no hint of the annoyance or slight fear of having done something wrong that would have been on Ukai’s own face if his grandpa had asked the same of him back when he was still in school. Maybe there was once a time Ukai would have thought of Sawamura as too trusting of a kid with his response but now he knows better. In his own way that doesn’t have to do with education Sawamura is the smartest kid he knows.

Twenty minutes later the volleyballs are back in their cart and hidden in the storage room. The net has been taken down and it’s too quiet. Ukai and Sawamura are the only two left now, the boy’s jacket zipped all the way out with his hands stuffed in his pockets.

“You wanted to talk to me, coach?”

This already feels weird. He’s used to having to pull Tsukishima or Tanaka aside, sometimes Asahi to remind him to be confident, and all three of them have Ukai tilting his head up just a bit. He has to move his gaze below eye level to make eye contact with Sawamura.

“Don’t think you’re in trouble, kid.” He knows that Sawamura doesn’t think that. “I just wanted to give you a tip like you give your friends.” Sawamura’s eyes widen with interest. Ukai clears his throat. He hopes this doesn’t come out awkward. “You’re an amazing captain, the best I’ve ever seen. And even though you’re captain it doesn’t mean you have to pick up everyone’s slack and carry all the responsibility.” That sounds too much like an attack, gods help him.

“What I mean,” he tries again, running a hand through his hair while closing his eyes “is that I’m here to help, kid. I’m not going to steal your spot or anything. Just...you work so hard and I don’t want you stressing too much. So it’s fine if you want to take a step back every once in a while, sit on the side and just take a few sips of water or something. And if-” his rambling is cut off by a wet sniffle and a shaky breath.

Oh hell no.

Suddenly he’s panicking. He never expected this, never in a million years.

“Hey, are you okay?” Sawamura’s head is bowed, a steady hand out of his pocket which struggles to stay steady as it wipes at tears. Ukai quickly moves closer, placing his hands on the boy’s shoulders. “Hey hey, shh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything bad by that.”

“N-no, I’m fine.” The kid contradicts himself by sniffling again. His voice is wet and forced, too small. Ukai already knows that after this he’s going to open a new pack of sigs with how bad he feels. He made Sawamura cry. “It’s just that, just...thank you.”

Ukai freezes.

“I...no one’s ever tried to take some of the responsible,” Sawamura explains. His voice sounds so small, shoulders hunched forward and arms wrapped around himself like a hug. “I don’t want to complain. I don’t want to sound too lazy.”

“Kid, have you ever cried before now?” Ukai can’t help but say. Sawamura’s laugh is humorless and cuts into Ukai. The sniffles are louder and little sobs can’t be muffled anymore. Sawamura shakes his head. A burden, by definition, is something heavy. Generally too heavy to carry on one’s own. And here’s Sawamura not just carrying his own but those of others, making sure that the rest of his team doesn’t feel the pain and hurt and disappointment that can come at any moment.

Gently, Ukai unfolds Sawamura’s arms so that he can properly hug the kid, bringing him close with a hand wrapped around his back and the other on the back of his head, lightly rubbing circles along his spine. Sawamura’s hands, so small, grip the front of Ukai’s shirt, tears quickly soaking into his shoulder.

“You’re a wonderful captain,” Keishin says, choosing to do for Daichi what he does for his team. He’s going to make sure the kid hears these words, understands, and accepts that they’re facts. “You are an amazing defensive and offensive player. You’re willing to dive for the ball at any moment, to try new plays without the fear of failure. Or even if you do have that fear you don’t let it control you. From what I’ve heard from sensei you’re also a really good student.”

He doesn’t know how much time has passed. His throat is starting to feel a bit sore and his eyes had prickled with heat at some time but the words of positivity and support never stopped flowing.

“Thank you,” Daichi mutters at long last sounding utterly exhausted. Keishin ruffles his hair and pulls him back in for a tighter hug.

The next day, Daichi is one of the last people to arrive at practice, his walk leisurely. The hoops are still down from the basketball team’s morning practice. The gym isn’t chaotic at the moment, with most of the players talking to each other or bumping a ball to each other.

Keishin watches as Daichi ignores Sugawara’s greeting. This pikes his interest. He leans forward on the bench and watches as Daichi heads to the ball cart, grabs a volleyball, and walks to where the basketball court’s half-court line is. The boy draws his arm back and launches the ball at the hoop on the other side of the gym. By some miracle, it falls through the hoop.

The gym is silent.

Hinata, Kageyama, and Nishinoya openly gape.

Tsukishima and Ennoshita look like they’re about to go into shock.

Without looking away from the hoop, Daichi points at Tanaka, who is standing by the cart.

“Give me another,” he says, finally looking over his shoulder with an expression of childish glee on his face. Nishinoya beats Daichi to getting a ball and completely fails at getting the ball even close to the hoop. The rest of the team may be confused but Keishin is happy.

This is one of Daichi’s visibly happiest moments. How can he not be happy about that?

[aphrodite1288]

Ks has been receiving love calls since he was still in the army. He had already said that if he was asked to participate in a variety show, he would accept. He doesn't want his private life exposed is one thing, doesn't mean he doesn't want to be promoted. You are making excuses for the neglect, mistreatment and sabotage the career him

#Disclaimer: 1st of all that's going to be a long ass Post to reply to any asks like that, so I hope people would read everything and not just read half of it and go bark somewhere about something I said that I have explained later but y'all didn't reach it to read it! So read everything before making comments or sending me asks. I don't want to repeat what I said here. So read before coming at me and bombard me with asks about stuff I already discussed here in this answer!

Sis you barely even know anything of him now. He already started filming his movie in June and finished filming his MV in late May or early June and you knew nothing about it 💁🏻‍♀️ coz if he really wanted to share that with y'all he would have mentioned it in his bubble or at least we would have seen him outside in the set. BUT HE DIDN'T WANT TO 🤷🏻‍♀️ HE doesn't want y'all to know, and don't tell me "coz SM is locking him up in the basement" that's why he can't breath and write you in bubble?? Heck! He even comes sometimes just to tell us about the weather or to drop a song and never mentioned about anything else about his life or his schedule. Normally all the members update about them going into their schedules but without revealing the content of the schedule coz that's the rules, but at least we get a pic or two of them heading to their schedules! To know that they're jobless! Heck Sehun is jobless now but we see him more than we see Ksoo who's extremely busy with a drama a movie and a debut and album preparations and promotion preparation! But Ksoo doesn't want that! He doesn't want y'all to know things about his life or what he does, or where he goes 🤷🏻‍♀️ That's why his fans and Fansites are so secretive and don't share anything, UPON HIS REQUEST. And to respect his extreme private character.

If he wanted he would have accepted Variety shows darling. He is busy filming a drama and a movie and making a debut and an album and preparing for promotions. Do you think he is free to be on Variety now? Even if he was asked , he can't now. Maybe later after or during his debut to promote for his album yeah, But definitely not now. Yes he had opportunities and he refused them coz he's busy. And maybe we would see him in the future but he is not into reality shows that much. Now he is focusing on his acting career and singing career relatively. As he is still not built as a solo artist yet to start a new journey for building a variety character and image for himself now. But maybe after his debut. Hopefully 🙇🏻‍♀️🕯️🕎

Sis he is busy, booked and he doesn't like being in the lights. He said it himself he had trauma in the past that left scars on him and affected his behavior with his own fans that's why he said he is distant from them.

Stop making me look like I hate Kyungsoo. This account is MAINLY and ONLY about HIM and Ji 💁🏻‍♀️ do you think I'd bother make an acc about him and talking about him 25/8 if I hated him 🤦🏻‍♀️

Fans don't want to admit their idol don't like interacting much with them 🤷🏻‍♀️

That's the truth. He likes his job but not the fans and sasaengs and aeygo part of it. He said it himself, he even thought of quitting Many times, as he found that he isn't FITTING into this idol world.

There's something u need to know, SM only wants to renew with Ksoo and Chan and Ji and Baek and mainly KSOO and Baek. So he is not sabotaged he is favored in the company. It's just that he doesn't like working with sM anymore! and he is enjoying his acting career and idol life while being locked up in the studio and movie sets without fans mobbing him and following him everywhere. If it wasn't for Hongki we would never know that Ksoo started filming and making his album and blah blah. Yes Ksoo doesn't like talking much to the fans and he isn't the type of idols to share everything about his life and everything he does.. with his fans. As he does his job as a real job and he enjoys it. I sometimes doubt that ksoo is the one writing in bubble 💭 except for the song recommandations maybe. 🤔

If he wanted he would have sent y'all pics of himself in Bubble like how all the members do but HE DOESN'T WANT TO 💁🏻‍♀️ Now go blame SM on that too.

I was always told that Ksoo said he wished he was a professional actor and singer but to not be famous! He said he wishes to be known for his talents and to do his job that he loves so much but to not famous at the same time 😂 which is impossible btw. He said he hates fame. He wishes he could do the job he loves so much but without the whole interacting and fame and spotlights part of it. I was told that. Since very long ago and I was sad at first to hear that. But after seeing Kyungsoo enjoying his privacy and not being mobbed and respected by his fans, I was extremely happy. Heck you can rarely hear anything about him or see any pics of him from his fans coz they keep everything to themselves coz I was told that that's what Kyungsoo wants and they keep his life private and never share anything about him- I was so happy to see him do what he likes the way he likes it in complete privacy.

We rarely hear he was out with someone for a meal but when we do, it's years after it happened 😂 or with no pics at all. Like how he met Zico and they were both at the studio maybe collaborating. But we didn't get any pics from his solo stans and Fansites not even Exol. Cuz they know he doesn't like it when things about him get exposed .

Like we rarely saw any pics of him outside not before military nor after. And this been happening for years now since debut (I mean the issue of rarely getting updates and pics about him in the streets or restaurants or hanging out with friends) wdym SM is putting him in the dungeon for once debut?? No! Sorry he was the most promoted member and the first one to start a solo career as an actor ONLY 2 years after his debut when he was still a rookie, he has always been the most promoted among all the members even before Jongdae and Baekhyun ! 🤷🏻‍♀️

To put it up in another way: Ksoo doesn't like working with sM anymore and all the members too as they're all now going to leave and not renew so they mostly accept few of the projects suggested to them to make profit from them and stay active in the lights in the mean time before they decide what to do later. So they will not risk taking big opportunities with big companies or shows and sign big-long term-contracts for a long period with big acting or variety companies coz they can't do much projects now in the name of SM since the contract is nearing its expiration, so as long as they r still labeled as SM ARTISTs and still under SM contract so SM would still take their fair share of the profits, So since their contract is nearing its end..they can't do big projects that require long period of time such as accepting deals for long term positions in a show such as "Official MCs" or "Fixed cast member in a show that would last for years" or to "sign with an acting company coz most of them have the bare minimum for a contract is 3 years i guess (idk i don't remember) or to sign with any company that obliges a long-term contract " etc.. coz SM would still take their profit even after they leave as the contract was signed with those companies when Exo's contract with sm was still on. And that's the last thing they want.. is after leaving your shitty company, they would still take profits from you.

Also most companies don't suggest you big and long term projects when your contract with your company is nearing its end! That's why most if the members now are jobless only getting few short-termed projects, Coz these companies are not only working with the idol BUT they're working with their company as well. As it's the one who decides most of the the idols opportunies and decisions and does everything for them.

So if you don't like the truth and don't like to hear things that don't go along with your fantasies about your Oppa then that's not my problem 🤷🏻‍♀️ Go Fix it .

And I hope you won't drop Ksoo after discovering something about him that you didn't like to admit he has 💁🏻‍♀️ he doesn't like yall to know things about him and he doesn't like interacting with his fans that much through social media. He has a private IG and if he wanted to talk to y'all he would have made a public one but he doesn't 🤷🏻‍♀️ just like Jongdae! And they are free and we should respect their decision! Jongdae Chose his private life over fans and trust me he is so happy with his wife and daughter and i saw them with my own eyes. He is enjoying his privacy and he is caring less about what haters are saying or if fans are disappointed.

You should get used from now on to the feeling that your bias doesn't want your nose always in his life and doesn't always want you to know everything about him and doesn't want to show himself up in programs and projects he doesn't want to do just COZ YOU WANT TO SEE HIM THERE. Also Make it in your heads that your bias private life and his close people are 1000 better than being with you all the time and satisfying your requests and fantasies💁🏻‍♀️

Respect and understand that your idol doesn't always want you to know everything about them and if your Oppa likes to be introvert and private you should respect that ! instead of complaining 25/8 on Bubble and twitter and IG about wanting to see him.

Be like Korean Exol they see Ksoo they meet him all the time they photograph him yet they never share anything or if they do it's after a long time, just coz they respect him and they know how private he is and how he hates his info and pics of him enjoying his day being exposed all over the internet. That's why we rarely get updates about Ksoo from OPs. And even if you beg them to buy his pics and updates they won't give u anything. That's why sasaengs always say they can't get anything about ksoo coz it's very hard as he is a very private person and his info are the hardest and most expensive to get.

Remember in the first half of 2019? When he disappeared for 6 months straight and never updated one word about himself and we were so worried and though he was leaving? He didn't even come out to deny the departure rumors it was SM who did, instead when we were all scares he was leaving and we haven't heard anything of him and were dying of concern, he was enjoying his cooking courses and applying for military and preparing for his position as a chef in military and going on vacation with his friends and squads and lover and chanyeol and you didn't know anything about him, you didn't hear one word from him! (Except for the pics with chanyeol at the airport and just coz chan was there if he wants tI doubt we would have got pics of ksoo at the airport leaving to japan) And he went straight to military after that with no update nor a goodbye Party nor anything! Just a plain letter in which he said he will enlist and after that he disappeared for 3 years (6 months before military and 1 year and a half of military and 7 months after discharge💁🏻‍♀️) Heck He even went and told the member that he will enlist without hesitation coz he is like that and members said they were shocked when he came and said he is enlisting all of a sudden like he just told them he was going to play football or something 🤷🏻‍♀️ He didn't want to make a goodbye party for his enlistment like how XIUMIN did, and why again? for the same goddam reason 🤷🏻‍♀️ don't you ask yourself why we rarely get any news about him 🤔 it's COZ HE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW. 😂

After his discharge we heard he went along with Park shinhye and his Hyung actors squad to play golf together right after his discharge (in January 25th) , in February but we got no pics 💁🏻‍♀️ Why? Same reason🤷🏻‍♀️ everyone in korea knows Ksoo doesn't like coming out of the closet and expose himself to the public and interact with FANS and haters and obsessed fans and sasaengs.

KSOO WAS TRAUMATIZED BY FANS and SASAENGS AND IF YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DID TO HIM AND WHAT HE SUFFERED YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND HIS LACK OF INTERACTION WITH FANS and you WOULD GIVE HIM EXCUSE. HE CAN'T HELP IT! He tried so hard to get over this issue but couldn't. HE LOVES HIS FANS BUT HE CAN'T INTERACT WITH THEM PROPERLY AND HE APOLOGIZED ABOUT THAT A LOT! So please understand him.

Sometimes it's not always the company sometimes it's the idol himself who wants some SPACE. Maybe A LOT of space 😂 in Ksoo's case.

I'm not making excuses for the sabotage and Mistreatment, I'm showing you the Kyungsoo that you probably don't know.

We can't judge SM mistreatment to him now as he is not active now, but once his album is dropped that's when we would see and we could judge if they treat him well or not. And i hope his album would get all the promotions his talents deserve.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Ur take on a malec beauty and the beast au please

ugh you got me in a difficult position here because on the one hand, i do love the idea of a beauty and the beast malec au. i just think the idea of a socially isolated person who thinks themself/is perceived as monstruous and who has locked away their heart and doesn't believe they could ever be loved fits magnus like a glove. but on the other hand, i don't want to make magnus, a brown character, animalistic, for obvious reasons. and i can't really think of a way to make him monstruous that doesn't fall into animalization/beastification (both racist tropes) or ableist tropes

so i'm thinking... maybe the spell is just that people are repulsed by him/fear him automatically? like it just creates this horrible almost impossible to ignore repulsive/fear/"fight or flight activating" aura around him for absolutely no reason and makes ppl be repulsed and/or hate him. even if it doesn't change his appearance at all. it's not really a changing or shifting spell, more like a spell of hatred

which like.... i know doesn't sound like anything poc/queer people don't already go through but there is a main difference which is that it makes it impossible to find a community. like even other brown and queer people look at him and feel this... huge disgust and even fear and might even hide and so the isolation is absolutely total and it fucking hurts. and besides it is one thing (a very bad thing) to walk around and have to be on constant alert because you never know if someone is going to be violent, and have to deal with occasional comments and disgusted reactions... it's another to consistently have like, children screaming and people cowering 100% of the time without exception, you know? he's basically living the life ppl with social anxiety think they live and he has nowhere to turn to, no one who understands or who's more likely to actually want to talk to him because of his differences. there's no one to lean on. even the people who love him aren't immune to it, even if of course they are not turning their backs on him

so anyway here are my thoughts: this was totally done by camille lol beacuse the whole backstory about being mean to an elderly lady doesn't fit magnus anyway and also i just like sprinkling camille angst where i can. so after magnus finally got himself free of her and her stupid claws she hexxed him back into isolation. both as punishment (a kinda "if you don't want me, then you have no one" logic) and just to make him more vulnerable because again, abusers want you alone and isolated and away from a support network so you are more dependant on them and more likely to buy into their thwarped logic if they can immerse you in it. so she's just trying to manipulate him into getting back with her, because she wants him and most of all his power

and basically you know the drill, if he doesn't find anyone who will love him romantically until the rose withers yada yada he will die. and again she just wants to make the spell so it constantly drives home how alone he is and how he can't find anyone who will love him (except for her), and make it so he's more and more likely to come back to her as time goes by because then the spell will be broken

(sidenote: camille obviously doesn't actually love him, because anyone who does that to someone doesn't love them. but as the one who cast the spell, she can lift it whenever she wants. so all she has to do is kiss him and lift the spell and be like "see, magnus? who else would love you like this, but me? even after all these years?". and honestly if it had come to that magnus would know she was lying because there is no way this is love, none. but anyway it doesn't come to that, that's just what her plan is)

anyway it still doesn't work because magnus is done and he won't get back to her, and he particularly doesn't want to get back with her after, you know, all this trashfire. and he just sets his jaw and is like "fine" and accepts that he will live however long he still has with his friends and people he loves and away from her, basically

and like gosh sidenote but this would have been so painful for his friends. camille very deliberately made it romantic love because she knows magnus has so many fucking people who love him, but him and the immortal squad have found family dynamics, not romantic ones. so there is nothing they can do even though their love for magnus is just... so real and pure and they hate to see him like this, hate to know that right when he finally got rid of her she made sure he still couldn't go out in the world. especially since magnus has always been so damn sociable, loved to be surrounded by people and to meet them and care for them. but here he is, walking as hidden as he can and with his head down avoiding eye contact because he knows the horror is there and some children run away screaming when they see him

and i just picture this desperate little scene with raphael in particular where he's just like.... "i'll try to kiss you. we have to try" and magnus is all, "my boy, you don't even like kissing, and she was very adamant that it had to be romantic" and raphael is almost in tears like "but i do love you, goddamn it! i should be able to undo this spell" and it's so sweet that he's trying and willing to be in this really awkward position where he kisses (yikes) magnus (which is just weird especially since magnus is kind of a father figure to him) because he's just... so desperate to have him free of her, finally, once and for all, you know?

but obviously it doesn't work, not even with dot, who had a kinda fling with him in the past but doesn't really feel Romantic Love™ for him even though she does love him, it's just... not what the spell requires. and it's unfair as hell and there are lots of tears but just the fact that magnus falls asleep surrounded in a teary cuddle pile after some of the absolute worst kisses of his life because his friends/family love him enough to put themselves in such an uncomfortable position in the hopes of making him free, is enough to make him feel a little better. and the fact that they are still there for him and obviously still love him so fiercely even though looking at him now literally evokes fight or flight instincts in them is already more than anything camille could ever give him. if anything, she's proven how loved magnus is

and that helps him get through it that day and is something he tries to hold unto in the worst days, but still, it's hard and it just... sucks. it's tiring to go out in the street and always have people staring at you and to see the horror in their faces and be so isolated and never really know what might happen, if he will be attacked or harrassed or what exactly will happen. so he isolates himself more and more and soon the only people who ever see him or visit him are his friends. and fuck, do they hate seeing him like this

things settle in a weird kind of way. magnus is still living his life and working as a wizard and etc and in a way the spell even helps him have some more credibility because you know, isolated scary person is kinda what ppl expect from wizards. but he avoids having contact at all costs and mostly sends the potions they request and stuff their way, and the only ppl he sees are his friends unless he absolutely can't avoid going outside. and he's fucking miserable. and every once in a while camille will come back to be like "so, magnus, are you ready to stop with this little tantrum of yours and come back to me now? how is the rose doing, by the way?" because god forbid he catches a break

also it turns out that magnus' adoptive streak becomes even stronger because he is 1- extra lonely; and 2- empathizing more than ever with the outcasts. don't get me wrong, he always has, he's a fucking brown, bi trans man for fuck's sake. we all see ourselves in the stray dogs and lonely people one way or another. but now this is turned up to a thousand, so, you know

so he has one (1) extra kind of contact in his life which is basically with stray animals (particularly cats cuz u know, this is magnus) that he finds around in need of help. they can all leave if they want, but a lot of them stay, particularly the black cats, disabled animals, and others that have a particularly hostile environment outside. you know

(not me again with my very specific hcs about deaf pitbulls who fall in love with my faves but LOOK pitbulls are very sweet and caring animals who don't deserve the fame of monsters that they have and if the idea of one being best friend's with magnus and them having a loving and caring relationship doesn't appeal to you then idk what the fuck to tell you)

this of course doesn't help his image cuz this guy is just going there and collecting black cats and snakes and has a huge pitbull around with him at all times but it's not like it can get any worse so magnus doesn't care, and besides, he can't just leave them out to die in the cold and harrassment of middle ages white ppl who think black cats are the worst possible thing but rats carrying deadly diseases are fine (and look, i know rats are also animals that get a lot of shit and persecution, but like, seriously, clean the streets)

and every once in a while there will be a person in need too, like a homeless person in need of a place to stay or some sick person who has been abandoned or something of the sort, so magnus brings them in as well and cares for them as well as he can, but also tries to maintain minimal contact because he's been burned too many times, okay

so like, cue alec! i know in the original BATB belle ended up with the beast to save her father's life but fuck that. i lowkey consider making it "izzy ran away from home so alec comes after her and they both end up staying with magnus" but i think i like it better if it's just alec who decided to leave. like he's done with the abuse both towards him and his sister and he wants to be able to live his life even if he's gonna have to start over in some other village all alone. anywhere but here and all that

and of course alec used to be plenty rich and he has a lot of skills that help him pass by - he's a good archer and hunter, he's a good leader and organizer so he could do wonders for a failing business, he's smart and cunning - but he also has, like, 2 gold coins to his name. maybe some more from stuff he took from home and sold, but still

initially he is living at a tavern and i guess i'm making simon, raphael, and maia tavern owners again! i don't even care anymore, it suits them. rapha is the cook and the three of them run the business and simon also makes musical appearances during dinners every once in a while, and they are living the happy queer polyamorous life of their dreams. we have no choice but to stan

anyway alec is staying with them and he becomes friends with i think maia in particular since, you know, she is the one with the most contact with the customers since rapha is in the kitchen and simon is up the stage most of the time. plus they are both the same brand of bastard and they have an easy understanding between them that just works

and look! simon, raphael, and maia are 3 trans, non-christian/non-white (unnecessary addendum: the concept of whiteness didn't exist until around the 17th century, but whiteness as a concept came basically as a substitute for christianity [link to source], so i'm counting the fact that simon is jewish and raphael and maia are not culturally european as equivalent to non-whiteness in this context) people, so it's not like they would ever kick a gay man running from an abusive home out. but you know what they also are? magnus' friends. and after a while of talking to him maia thinks he is trustworthy enough for them to send magnus' way, because magnus needs as many friends as possible. plus, he wouldn't kick a person in need out, so unlike with them magnus can't really push this newcomer away so he'd have more company. plus, the possibility that he might fall in love with magnus and undo the stupid spell is there, i'm just saying! i'm not saying it WILL happen but why not give it a fucking shot?

raphael in particular is of course super protective of magnus and he swears to god that if this guy gives him half a bad look raphael will end him, which earns him some pats on the shoulder for his troubles and "rapha, we don't want magnus to be hurt either"s. maia says that she's been assessing him for quite a while now and she's pretty positive that he won't be terrible to magnus, but if she's wrong, she'll kill him personally too. and rapha trusts maia. how could he not? she's maia

so, they send alec magnus' way. "i'm sorry alec, but we are struggling to make ends meet *hides gigantic gold stash* and the tavern is packed *raphael upstairs stomps at maximum speed to make it seem like their 13 empty rooms upstairs actually have people* and we really need your room to give to this customer *simon in a wig* BUT we have a friend who we're sure will give you shelter if you ask, it's not very far away, and once we have a free room we will let you know". and alec is just like, okay, because he's been staying there for free or considerably less than the usual fee/in exchange for some stuff he hunts for quite a while now, and they are nice, so it's not like he can complain

and they don't tell him about the spell exactly because it is not their story to tell but they do let him know what to expect re: magnus' vibes and say it's a spell. and alec's like ok i guess. alec's very practical, he doesn't really care, and it's not like it's the guy's fault anyway. which is exactly why maia is sending alec there

so they send magnus a heads up ("magnus this guy is HOMELESS and we are SOOOOO packed can you please give him shelter for a little while thx xoxo"). alec arrives there a while later carrying like 3 prime rabbits he has hunted as a thank you gift because he hates being dependant on people but it's not like jobs abound in the middle ages, and he is actually a little embarrassed to go in and ask this guy he doesn't know for shelter but he IS kinda desperate. for now

anyway he is standing there with his 3 rabbits debating whether or not to knock on the door and magnus just opens it magically like "i know you're there, dear, just come in" so alec does and awkwardly presents him the rabbits and shit and is all "thanks for letting me stay, uh. i can help you with food and taking care of the house and stuff" even though, you know, magnus has magic and doesn't need it

(and magnus appreciates it deeply, because it is tiring to do it all magically on his own but most non-magical people don't even consider that)

and like... it is very awkward at first because magnus does NOT trust at all and he mostly just wants to keep away from anyone who can... look at him. but they ARE living together (oh my god they were roommates!! just kidding they each have their own room but you get it) so it's inevitable. but like magnus' insecurity makes him keep to himself for long times and makes things awkward, kinda like how the initial days with the beast and belle the beast was rude and kinda shitty except magnus is not shitty, just... private

and maybe the subject even comes up like "thanks for the meal alec. i'll go eat it in my room" "i mean, you could eat here if you want" "and ruin your appetite? no thank you" and alec is just like "*shrug* it won't ruin my appetite. unless you are my parents, the concept of failure, or some girl wanting me to marry her, i don't think there's a lot the spell can do to make me scared. besides, you literally have a kitten on top of your head right now and you refuse to remove it and are using a spell to keep her from jostling when you move" "her name is Fluffy, and she is sleeping!" "right, my bad" "wait did you say the concept of failure?" "yea"

it's not that the spell doesn't work on alec; it does, just like it works on his friends. but he is willing to go beyond that initial repulsive reaction that he knows is illogical anyway (and alec is the kind of guy who is just like "if my feelings aren't logical, i don't listen to them" which in this case is useful lmao). and the thing is that once you get to know magnus there is nothing about him that is scary, and the feeling just becomes completely ignorable, because humans are nothing if not adaptable. but most people don't want to go through the trouble to try, and magnus himself doesn't want to let himself be vulnerable enough to give them a chance because there IS a great chance that he will be met with some level of aggression, even if it's an unintentional microaggression

and eventually they grow closer and build trust. i think this happens particularly when camille steps in for one of her regularly schedule shoving-it-in-magnus'-face visits and alec is just like. "hey why don't you just use magic to keep her away?" and magnus realizes that he never even THOUGHT of that and like, jesus, how much has he been unconsciously torturing himself? so he does it, and he ends up telling alec about the story of the spell, which might be the first time he's told someone that didn't know him before the spell was cast

(alec: "so she's basically just killing you slowly?" magnus: "don't be silly, alexander. torturing me first is the most important part". and he sounds self deprecating and almost resigned and god alec feels murderous)

ohh but wait bonus: magnus says that she will only undo the spell if he gets back with her, he doesn't mention that it technically can be undone by romantic love or whatever bullshit's going on because he doesn't believe it can happen anyway, so, who cares

anyway! time goes by. fun fact: alec and magnus get along really fucking well. magnus is so so smart and knowledgeable and he shows alec many of his inventions that never got to see the light of day or that were stolen by someone else who wasn't cursed and took all the credit. he also fascinates alec with his magic, but mostly with his personality. there's something just endlessly endearing about this guy who is so fucking proud of his puns and so so nice and gentle to every creature he encounters, be it a kitten or a pitbull, who's letting alec stay with him for no reason other than that alec needs it

and alec is so goddamn appreciative of it because like he IS and we stan! and he's always trying to give back to magnus which is kind of a rarity, but most of all he's also extremely funny beneath the whole no-bullshit attitude, he's caring and fierce and resourceful and strong (so's magnus) and they click so well. they can also talk about their similar experiences with like, abuse and trauma without making it super heavy and they're just,,, so supportive of each other. so like yeah surprise surprise they fall in love

but they don't really say anything because (on magnus' part) that's just fucking ridiculous, he's a monster; and (on alec's part) he will put magnus is a way too uncomfortable position if magnus doesn't like him that way and they will just... be living together. and magnus will feel like he has to compensate to alec somehow and alec doesn't want that. it's just complicated when one of them is dependant on the other, and besides, alec has had very little to offer magnus so far

(no, he has no idea how much his company means to magnus and has brighted his depressed ass life. he is stupid)

sometimes magnus' friends visit and they're always just so happy for him, to see how he's hanging out more and let someone into his life after so long. it earns him a lot of forehead kisses and "i'm so happy to see you like this". and over time he starts to invite them over more as well as just open up back to the people in his life :')

angsty but also kind of fluffy sidenote: i picture that every time they kiss his forehead or cheek or whatever they linger for a little while and then open their eyes slowly and sigh like "i had been hoping that it would work this time. magnus, you know i love you, right?" and magnus is all like "i know just from you saying that, darling. it's just not how the spell works" and aaa

and like to be extra clear im not saying that alec fixes him or romantic love heals him or whatever, just that having let someone in, someone who didn't know him before the spell, and have them completely accept him and realize how much he had been missing out re: touch and human contact helps him realize how much he misses his friends and how pushing them away is stupid when they've never been anything if not supportive of him. they don't care that he's cursed. and obviously magnus was already on the way to that if he even managed to let alec in anyway

anyway! dramatic healing scene. LOOK. usually i'd be all for "they don't change back actually because people don't have to look beautiful to be lovable". like the original BATB disappointed me sooo badly because i had just been hoping that he'd stay the same way and still be loved. but in this case it's not that magnus doesn't look beautiful! it's that the spell has made him be hated by people for no reason other than existing. and breaking the spell is not changing magnus himself, it's changing that hatred. so, yeah. i'm not saying it's a deep metaphor or anything, just, you know daudhasdja it's different from the usual monster thing

and i'm torn here because on the one hand i LOVE the drama of the original BATB where everyone decides to gather to kill the beast and belle saves him and shit, but idk if it fits with the vibe ive been building here. no actually @ me shut the fuck up. you know how i mentioned that they kick camille out with magic finally? i actually had no intentions of following through with this in any way but like of COURSE she would be absolutely pissed out of her mind and want to get back in some way, we already know she's vindictive. so i'm gonna use that. this is what neil gailman meant when he said that writing is just making a rough draft and then writing it again but like it's on purpose this time

anyway! so after they yeet her camille is obviously furious and fuming and it might have finally dawned on her that magnus will NOT fucking cave and she is losing power over him, not gaining it. so she decides to play a last card and get him to almost die so he kind of HAS to take her bid, you know? so she makes up some shit about how magnus has kidnapped the lightwood heir and she's only now hearing about it, and no one else is safe and yada yada. and she has "proof" because alec IS indeed there and again the spell just helps everyone easily agree with her that magnus is That Kind Of Guy or whatever, and middle ages ppl weren't exactly waiting for a good enough reason to grab their pitchforks. and they don't even KNOW about the spell, really. all they know is that he's very powerful, secluded, and they all fear and almost hate him just from one look

so camille makes up some bullshit story about how he made a deal with the devil to become extra powerful, and that the source of his powers is the rose, so they have to get rid of the rose to kill him. (sidenote: i never understood why the hell the rose was never used as a weakness against the beast. like was he keeping it super guarded and safe just for the fucking shits?) so they devise an attack so someone can sneak up and get the rose, and camille makes up some bullshit story about how they have to destroy the rose a specific way so it takes longer and she has time to manipulate magnus before he dies. man, it's easy to be a villain when your target is secluded

anyway! big attack at magnus' house. magnus' friends don't hear about it until it's too late because camille knows exactly who they are and warned them that they were on "the witch's" side. alec is maybe away hunting when it happens? camille obviously has magic in this AU so she can check for that information. maybe she even says that she will be the one responsible for finding the lightwood heir so there is minimal risk of him revealing that she lied lmao

oh no, violence! they battle and yada yada. catarina is probably the first one to realize what is happening because i figure she, madzie, and dot are the ones who live closest to magnus'. they send fire messages and get ragnor, simon, maia, raphael, and meliorn to help. oh yeah, and alec i genuinely forgot trust me to forget about romance in a romance-focused au. but alec is the only one of them without any magical resources and he's far away and on foot, so he's gonna be the last to get there, which camille had been counting on

but alec or no alec, they can keep the attackers at bay because they're all powerful and smart and shit and a lot of them have magic as opposed to the mundanes who don't, but of course that's mostly because they are holding off on attacking and the invasion is mostly a distraction because their PLAN is to use the rose. and camille tells them all to leave once the petal puckering starts so she can "protect them from any lashouts" (have her big villain speech). and it's not like any of magnus' friends is gonna leave to go after them when magnus is dying, bUT they also won't attack camille because she's his only hope. and they won't be able to get to stop the rose plucking in time because that's in another room and while she made it slower than something that the person can use to kill him in a second it's also not slow enough for them to get there on time (maybe there's a spell against magic use near where magnus keeps the rose? just for extra safety, so the ones with magic can't portal there or whatever)

anyway. big villain speech. magnus screams in pain every time a new petal is plucked. his friends are either running to the rose thing desperately or trying to get camille to stop this madness, she's going to kill him for fuck's sake. i don't know which chooses to do what so you can figure that out i guess. and for that extra drama, right when the last petal was going to be plucked, wee woo alec lightwood arrives! and he went straight for the rose because magnus had told him about it and he figured that there was a good chance the attackers might go for it. so he shoots the person's leg or something and gets them away from the rose and yay, day saved! mostly. because now there is only one petal left to fall before magnus dies, so at the very least, his lifespan has been shortened considerably. also, he is still in pain

i'm torn about what happens to camille then. on the one hand, i love killing camille! bonding activities for the whole family. on the other, she kinda is the only one who can save him now. they all know magnus won't want to get back with her, but hey, it's not like camille wants a relationship! she wants magnus to be her asset. a relationship was just the best way to get him to do that she had initially. but magnus doesn't want to cave and be dependant of her, so, you know. but maybe they can try to convince her to stop this fucking madness, god knows how

so okay yeah no camille-killing yet because they don't want to jeopardize magnus' safety, so she just leaves convinced that either way, she wins, and this might be the best possible scenario actually because magnus will have lots of times to think it over and be real desperate and come to her and strike a deal. so, yay her! she just needs to lie to the mundanes that the mission was successful or whatever, and it's not like that's gonna be hard because magnus won't want to be seen there again, so

we are all running to check up on magnus now. he's kinda like, on the ground coughing blood, but he'll live for as long as the last rose doesn't fall. still, they all settle on trying to help him, getting him in bed, tending to his wounds, etc. and thinking about what the fuck they are all going to do now. so you have raphael and maia making magnus soup, simon running his mouth as he throws around ideas on how they can fix this, ragnor, cat, dot, and madzie (who is here now that the danger is over ofc) checking and rechecking magnus' vitals for the billionth time and trying to figure out how much time they have, meliorn using their fae powers to stop his pain. and madzie is all snuggled in bed with magnus holding his hand and asking if he wants her to tell him a bedtime story, and magnus just... feels cared for and loved

alec meanwhile i think would tell what ACTUALLY happened to the person who was doing the rose thing - i actually have thought about it and think it might make sense for it to be luke. just because i love him and it kinda fits the whole "initially sided with shadowhunters, lately became a downworlder" thing. and like luke genuinely believed he was saving a person/people so alec brings him in too and magnus is all "catarina, dear, can you help heal his leg? i would, but i don't think i have enough magic right now" because he is the sweetest man immediately wanting to help the guy who almost killed him. and luke is in awe

(and alec brings him on purpose, too, because he knows that anyone who actually talks to magnus for a little while will see what an amazing person he is. and he hopes that luke, as a mundane, can tell the others that and turn them against camille)

and after that, of course, alec sits down by magnus' side and Does Not Leave. he's just there holding his hand and talking to him and magnus' friends, who are all also kind of. sitting there, trying to snuggle up in a gigantic pile of like 10 ppl to cuddle close to magnus and make sure he feels loved and cared for and that they know he is real. madzie gets special privileges in that sense because she's smaller and also a kid, so she gets to be kinda snuggled up with him. so alec has to be content with holding magnus' hand lmao (which he is, he's just happy that he's alive and okay. and he has a whole plan to get camille to undo the spell, mostly involving getting the mundanes against her and telling her that she is only safe for as long as magnus lives, because once he dies, she will have a bunch of ppl who will hunt her down to the faces of the earth to make her pay for what she did to him. the only reason they didn't do that yet is because she can still save magnus' live, so is she really going to let him die knowing that she will be next?)

so alec takes his hand and tells magnus that they will fix this, he promises, and give a little kiss on magnus' hand. just a little peck, no deep intentions, but magnus gasps a little because he feels something, and his eyes water a little bit because he's so touch starved and tired and hurt and alec kissed his hand and he can feel this kind of ache inside him, somehow a good ache, but he just can't explain it. and so alec notices his watery eyes and he very tenderly wipes his tears away and tells him that they're all on his side, will always be, and kisses him on the forehead. and this kiss? this kiss is full of adoration and love and purpose, and magnus gasps and the wounds that hadn't been healed suddenly mend together, and the petals that had fallen go back to the rose before it disappears in a beautiful flash of light, and suddenly magnus' magic is back full force and he just looks at himself for a second, and everyone erupts into joy because holy shit, the spell is broken

and alec is so confused because again! he didn't kNOW about the whole true love's kiss thing or he would have asked magnus to let him kiss him as soon as he learnt about his feelings, because even if magnus didn't feel the same way, alec could undo the spell. and he's like "why the hell didn't you tell me?? we could have fixed this months ago" and magnus is like "i didn't think it would make a difference. wait, you're in love with me? have been for months?" and alec is like "first of all, yes. second of all, i have nothing else to say, i just said 'first of all' because i was so indignant"

and magnus laughs and jumps on him and kisses him on the mouth this time and they are both smiling and laughing into it and so so happy. and raphael is kind of just peppering kisses on maia's face too, like, "you were right, he undid the spell, thank you" and maia was never sure that this would happen but she will take the credit actually please and thank you

and they all live happily ever after and kill camille together the end i guess. god this post was so long i'm so sorry

[cozymochi]

I already know this, but it’s worth asking-

What are elements of the soft retcon you love and what elements do you still prefer from the original continuity?

AFTER OUR BINGE, I noticed a lot of things.

but im too scared to blast this to the masses cuz it involves some tinfoil hats on my part so 😭 It’s kind of long and dumb.

The soft retcon stuff I like is definitely the design overhaul. I dunno. I really like the more saturated and bright look. Both for the aesthetics and the characters. Though I’ve seen people rly hate that. …Not my problem though!

A BIG THING I LIKE: I think I like the soft-retcon Membrane family waaaay better.

After watching the main series’ I kinda noticed how much harder it was to root for Dib, or how kiiinda flat the other members of the family were. Don’t get it twisted, I liked ‘em fine as they were. They just didn’t really do anything for me. It’s definitely evident that JV and co didn’t quite pin down what they wanted for them yet. (This kinda thing is pretty normal for anyone I think, sometimes ur characters are just gonna be wips for a while, and IZ was cut off really fast)

The overhauls in the soft retcon (primarily in ETF) such as making Dib’s general motivation more personally driven, or making the family dynamic a little better (and cooler in some cases) I think makes them all a bit more palatable as characters? I dunno. Lol. I just like seeing more positive things. (I don’t view this as in-universe “character development” tho that’s kinda weird imo, sometimes it really just is easier to say that somebody just changed their mind). The Membranes in ETF definitely feel like a fleshed-out culmination of stuff that was getting rolling in the comics.

Even if the gainax ending in ETF punches me in the face.

(And believe me i got a myriad of issues with the comics, but those guys aren’t really one of them) 

The stuff I prefer in the original continuity though is pretty much everything and anything having to do with the Irkens and other aliens.

BECAUSE THAT STUFF WAS PRETTY GREAT and I think it got shafted pretty badly in the comics and ETF. I can see why though. I read some JV interview from 2015 (I think on IGN? Idfk. I should’n’t have been on incognito), around the time the IZ comics were getting started. Long story short, he wanted to use the comics as a means to address all the problems he had with the Membranes in the og series and kinda… revise them. Which, gr8 yay, they needed it imo

As for Zim? He said Zim wouldn’t change.

Call it my tinfoil hat moment, but I think that that mindset was exactly the issue… Zim and co. were VERY defined and fleshed out by the og series end (as wack as some later eps were gonna be), but I think just leaving them to the wayside like that as characters that don’t need change (i.e. that much attention) is exactly why Zim, The Tallest, and much of the other space-centric stuff kinda got warped and flanderized. Or, hell, not referenced altogether. Zim got dumber, the Tallest got dumber, and a lot of the other space things specifically involving ID2 kinda… phased out.

Sometimes what you remember a character being like, wasn’t what they were like at all. And if u don’t reaaally work with them, ur gonna exaggerate or even forget whole things. The Membranes were worked on with the intent of fleshing them out and reworking them to what we end up seeing in ETF.

Zim? He wasn’t. He was just considered fine as he was, and while I agree with that on principle, in the comics execution he doesn’t quite feel the same. He feels more like… maybe a caricature is too harsh? But. Definitely weird. I’m just not nearly as invested. :( (There are a couple exceptions, but. Meh)

But I should also mention in that same interview the point of the comics wasn’t really for lore or continuing setups from season 2, but just random anthologies and a sandbox to fix up some characters *cough* the membranes. Unfortunately, that didn’t include the titular one. Meh. What can ya do.

SO YEAH. ORIGINAL CONTINUITY ZIM AND CO? Yes. They WERE more fleshed out and defined. But plz, that doesn’t mean nothing else can be done with them! ya gotta actually work with them! Character expansion happens naturally. …Eh. What would I know? I don’t have a dang series.

This is kind of an aside: But I really don’t like the idea of trying to make the soft retcon retroactively fit into the old continuity yet have both things play out in the exact same way. Sometimes it makes sense, other times it just makes something get framed a whole a lot worse unintentionally by trying to deem it as “unseen character development.” Trying to tie everything together under a single path is kinda dumb imo. There’s no way to do that without making something a lot more FUCKEDDDD. Or way more complicated. IZ was workshopped waaay too much in it’s run to do that jfhfhchv

And, personally, I don’t really like making things more complicated tbh. Sometimes— as dumb as this sounds— not looking into stuff is much easier to swallow than trying to make everything work as a single unit.

All a soft retcon is is just: “things pretty much are setup the same they just played out a bit differently.” You may as well call ETF a soft retcon of Zim Issue #1 /s There’s just no way, man. God forbid this go into anime territory with “HERE IS A DIFFERENT TIMELINE” OH GOD NO!!

It’s ok guys really. Sometimes… things just be like that aight…

and that’s why at the end of the day we hand-wave it by not getting too deep, or pick and choose what we like and head out :DD

and let’s be real despite what i praise i don’t enjoy everything from the soft retcon, if my zim rant wasn’t enough. Like how i don’t enjoy everything from the comics or OG series. And despite my wording I actually don’t take all of this that personally.

…But it’d sure be nice if i could have all the good stuff from all of it mushed together. Gimme the alien lore from the og series, gimme the membranes and earth from ETF, and—

…

well idk wtf i’d take from the comics lmaooo maybe the Gaz plots.

[mypimpademia]

Can I request a hc for taking fatgum to a black cook out ( and would you mind that I added you to my black tumblr writer list?)

Taishiro (fatgum) x black!reader

TW: Swearing

Key: Y/u = Your uncle;

Note: Not at all :) id be happy to let other ppl find an acc for poc

For Taishiro meeting your family for the first time, they decided to have a cook out

Hes excited 1. Because he can meet your family and 2. There's food

But hes also really scared cuz he doesn't want to make a bad impression

By the time you get there, Tai is so nervous

And its really unlike him to be so not-confident, so you know he really wants to make a good impression

"But what if they don't like me?"

"Tai, they're gonna like you. Shit, they already like you based on the things I say and they aint even met you."

That makes him feel a lot better

When you get there, you're immediately greeted with hugs and distant hellos from people that can't leave where their standing

"Hey, is that Y/n? Get over here girl."

You went over to your uncle who was on the grill, still hand-in-hand with Taishiro

"Hi Uncle Y/u."

"Is this the big man Tai?"

Your uncle gave Taishiro a hand shake and a hug

"I heard you like to eat. Some of the food got done cookin before yall came, why dont you fix him a plate Y/n?"

At the table full of food, there were collared greens, mac and cheese, chicken, steak, etc.

Tai got almost all of it

Taishiro + soul food is otp

Manz eats that shit UP

Luckily, he was wearing his more baggy clothes (which is probably most of his closest because he tends to eat a lot in general)

So when his quirk started setting in, he easily filled up his clothes

Once he reached as much as he could take, yall had an 8 ft tall fat man in your backyard

Just so he could get back to his normal size, he allowed all the little kids to use his stomach as a trampoline

Also let whoever was willing use him as a punching bag

"Come on, you gotta be feelin somethin, bruh."

"Nope, feels like ya flickin my stomach."

When he finally got back down to his normal size, he socialized more with your family, and you could tell he was much more relaxed

Your parents especially took a liking to him

They liked how he had such positive vibes, he was educated on black culture, and he was really good for you

Man is an all in one package

I know he knows ho to cook, so he probably helps out on the grill at some point

All your lil cousins and the other kids love him

Since he's 6'4 (?? Something like that ik he's above 6'2 but I think he's around 6'4 - 6'6) they're all climbing him like he's some sort of tower

Once it gets late and yall the kids are inside, he probably stays outside for a few drinks to keep talking with your uncles, cousins, and dad

Tai is basically family after that because it went so well

But he still gets nervous a few more times when he goes over

But you just gotta let him know that they all love him