#which sounds wild but then one of my classmates and friends was almost 4 years younger than me

[kaluawoo]

Considering the dude mentioned that Johannes needed a recommendation, he was probably 17-19 during the flashback

Oh true I forgot that bit, yeah, the dude does mention that. Assuming they're both from Germany - which, they're named Johannes/Hänsel and Margerete/Gretel (and I am so damn glad that's her nickname and not Gretchen), so that's fairly likely - he's probably 16-18 years old, and I'd assume younger rather than older.

If Servamp is set in the 2010s or thereabouts - I'm not sure - then Johann's school time is post-DDR but pre-G8, so he'd usually take 13 years of schooling and then finish age 19, but considering he's called a genius he might've skipped a grade and/or his parents might've decided to send him to school a year early, and depending on state his birthday might've been in the summer holidays, making him on the young side in general and also would be after the end of the final school year.

Theoretically older (up to 21 in theory) is possible depending on state and if he repeated a year or two, but feel unlikely for him specifically.

[bangtangalicious]

the glow up (6) | kth, pjm

pairing: taehyung x reader, jimin x reader

summary: after going off to college, you & your best friend committed to working out. a year later, the results show, and you cant wait for your hot hometown friends to see you. now all you wanna do is wild out and have lots of sex, and enjoy it without feeling insecure

genre: angst, smut, childhoodfriends!au weightloss!au (is that a thing) friends-to-lovers!au

word count: 3k

warnings: cheating, explicit smut: heavy making out...like HEAVY, in a pool, oral (f receiving), shower sex, unprotected sex, penetrative sex, slow burn, feelings, slut shaming, slight exhibitionism, alcohol use, choking, small daddy kink, taehyung calls you princess, swearing

part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7                                                   masterlist

Taehyung let his feet sink into the water, warmed by the body heat from the many ex-classmates of his who populated the pool. He stared out onto the horizon, the suburban hills a largely underwhelming contrast to the party vibes. He felt a presence come beside him, and the overwhelming designer perfume scent let him know it was Hobi.

“What’s up champ? Got eyes on anyone tonight?” Hobi asked, placing his hand on Tae’s back playfully. Taehyung simply sighed.

He was playing a losing game. He knew from the moment he kissed you that it was a mistake. He knew you would pick Jimin in the end, and he would get heartbroken.

But somehow he couldn’t deny you. Whenever you would text to hang out, his heart would flutter. He did his best to make as much time for you as he could this summer, soaking up every word you said, every smile you sent his way. He knew you just wanted him to have sex. But he enjoyed your company more than you knew.

He was an idiot. He pushed you too far too fast, he understood more than anyone why you needed freedom to explore your body and sexuality. You had insecurities you needed to deal with. You weren’t ready. You never were.

“I don’t think so…maybe I’ll just double team with Jungkook” Taehyung faked a laugh. Hobi gave him a fist bump.

“Fucking Jimin almost started a fight with him, so I sent them and Y/n inside to sort their shit out” Taehyung felt his stomach flip.

“Oh yeah” He couldn’t even find it within himself to pretend to look amused. He was pouting. He didn’t even care. He knew exactly what Jungkook was likely going to make of the situation, and he knew you would let him. Jungkook, like him, was more promiscuous, and had a bad reputation behaving with girls, but he never expected him to treat an old friend the same way. He called him out, but Jungkook did not have any apologies.

“She likes it Tae. I guarantee it” Jungkook had said before Taehyung almost punched him in the face.

“I hate this” Taehyung muttered, tilting his head up as he felt his eyes getting wet. The prospect of you having sex with Jungkook hurt him a bit too much. He shouldn’t care, it was your life. You guys weren’t exclusive at all. He hadn’t been loyal to you either. “What the fuck is wrong with me?” Taehyung groaned in frustration. Hobi chuckled.

“You’re in love with her”

Taehyung clenched his fists. He hated that he understood what you were going through. He hated that he was able to read your every thought and understand your every desire. He hated what you were doing to him.

“You should at least tell her. She probably doesn’t think she has a genuine shot with you. Let her know her options.”

“She’s not gonna pick me over Jimin” Taehyung laughed, “Jimin is her best friend. She literally can’t go a fucking week without him. Even if she dated me, she would still go to him for everything because he knows her better”

“You should give yourself more credit. From what I’ve heard anyway, Jimin’s been sort of a little bitch to her about all this. Some people are just meant to be friends, others maybe something more. Let me tell you…” Hobi wandered off onto a tangent about his own relationship and Taehyung tuned out. He downed the bitter watery beer left over in his cup, mentally noting to go for something stronger next time. His phone vibrated.

jungkook: ur girls tits are fire

Yeah. He definitely needed something much stronger

You woke up slowly to the sound of a booming base, realizing quickly that the party was still going on. You tried to turn but Jimin’s cock was still inside you. You smiled.

“Jimin, wake up” You called out softly, reaching your hand to stroke his head which was lazily muffled into your neck. He mumbled something incoherent, the vibrations of his voice on your skin making you blush. His body was sticky with sweat and you were both a mess. “Let’s freshen up, I don’t wanna miss the whole party come on” You nudged him and he stirred. You slowly rolled away, his cock sliding out of you causing him to groan in frustration, reaching out blindly for you on the mattress.

“Where’d you goooo” He complained, his eyes finally opening slightly. Seeing your naked figure sitting besides him he simply couldn’t help but feel like the luckiest guy in the world.

“I’m gonna go freshen up.” You informed him, kissing his forehead slightly. “I feel gross”

Jimin sat up and cupped your face. “Y/n…wait…let’s just sort this out. I hated what just happened okay. I’m sorry but I did. I don’t want to share you. Be my girlfriend. Let’s fucking just date. I’m sorry I’ve been moody and a jerk, but beyond all that you know I adore you more than anyone in the world. No amount of distance has been able to get in the way of you and me. Let’s try this out. Let’s date”

The look in his eyes was pleading, like he was a frail piece of glass that was about to shatter. Your gut screamed no. Say no. But your heart did not want to see that light in his gaze fade. You nodded your head.

“Yeah…let’s date”

-

You found yourself back at the pool. The sun had set, and the rainbow colored lights made the place look magical. You really wanted to dance, the music was loud and the songs were perfect. You should feel happy, you finally had a boyfriend. But instead you felt like someone was choking you— you couldn’t breathe. You looked across the pool to see a drunk Taehyung splashing around wildly with a few girls. He wrapped his hands around one and spun her around, giggling like a mess. You wanted to be her. You wanted to play and goof off but you couldn’t.

Unknowingly a tear ran down your cheek. You put your hands in your palms, allowing your tears to fall freely. Why were you so unsatisfied? You had the perfect guy in your hands, so why were you unhappy?

You felt a wet hand on your knee, quickly wiping your eyes to see Taehyung in the water below you. He was shirtless, hair soaked, a drunken gleam in his eyes.

“Are you okay?” He asked sweetly. You had no idea how he was managing to be nice while he was drunk. Taehyung was a wild drunk, you knew this well.

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it” You stated dryly. You couldn’t bear to look at Taehyung too long, you just felt like breaking down even more. Taehyung sighed and pulled you into the pool.

“Let it happen” He whispered, bringing you into his embrace. He rand his wet hand through your hair before holding the back of your head and pulling you in for a kiss. “Don’t think. Just don’t think” His words brushed up against your lips. You moaned into his mouth, your arms finding their way around his neck, pulling yourself as close to him as you possibly could get. Taehyung held you tight and floated the two of you towards the back of the pool.

You couldn’t stop, your lips attached like magnets. He kissed you long and sweet, and you responded to his every move with even more eagerness. Your pulse races, and you felt a tingling sensation run through your chest as you shut your eyes, focusing on the hot feeling of his mouth against yours. He paused, barely aware from your face to inhale quickly. His sparkling eyes were gorgeous under the florescent lights, his pink hair almost glowing against the darkness. “Hold your breath” You nodded quickly as he captured your lips again and dragged you under the water.

The music went quiet, everything was still. All you could feel was wetness and Taehyung all over you. You let your hands find his face holding your mouth against him. Your lungs constricted as you lost air but you didn’t care. It was serenity. Taehyung’s hands moved to your hips and as if you could read his mind you wrapped your legs around his waist.

He picked you up and rose you back above the water. You both gasped for breath, smiling wide into each other’s eyes before kissing yet again. You looked around quickly to see that quite a few people were staring at you guys, which only made you smile even wider. Taehyung watched your gaze and giggled slightly.

“You just love putting on a show don’t you princess”

You turned to admire the man who held you. His soaked hair, gorgeous eyes and toned body. His lush lips and sweet voice. He winked at you and you felt your heart explode, blushing furiously. You buried your face into his chest in embarrassment. Taehyung motioned for the crowd of observers to leave the two of you alone as he rested his back against the pool wall, continuing to hold you close.

Taehyung stroked your cheek like you were a prized gem that he couldn’t believe he got his hands on. When your eyes met again your blood rushed and you kissed him furiously, whimpering softly. “Easyyy princess”

“I can’t get enough” You exhaled, barely able to speak. Your lips throbbed, swelling from the contact but you just wanted more. “Tae let’s get out of here. I want you” Your tongue traced his mouth and you softly bit his bottom lip, dragging it teasingly.

Taehyung hesitated, as if the liquid courage in his veins drained at the reality that you were not his to have. He could never say no to you. You were too amazing. He loved you far too much.

“Whatever you want princess” He playfully bit at your nose before lifting you out of the pool. You got out, water dripping from your clothes and helped drag Taehyung up as well. He grabbed himself a towel, rubbing it through his hair, and you almost drooled. He then grabbed another one and wrapped it around your shoulders so that it covered your chest.

Hobi walked over to the two of you, clapping his hands. “Wow what a performance. That was hot” He pinked your cheek playfully and smiled fondly. “You two are more than welcome to use my room” You stiffened, remembering what all had transpired on Hobi’s bed earlier. Suddenly the water on your body felt heavy. You felt gross.

“Think I could use a shower first” Taehyung stated, patting your ass lightly and squeezing it. He winked at Hobi who nodded. Taehyung took your hand into his and led you down to Hobi’s bathroom. Unbeknownst to Taehyung, you tried to hide your face with your towel. After all, Jimin was still around here somewhere. And you totally just cheated on him.

Hobi’s bathroom was as impressive as the rest of his house. The shower was spacious, clear glass walls and marble tile. Taehyung began to peel off his drenched attire. He then proceeded to undress you, almost tearing your tube top as it stubbornly stuck to your skin.

You had forgot how drunk Taehyung was but he reminded you soon enough, as your tits popped out and he went right to them, growling as he sucked harshly. His fingers found your clit and started to explore your folds, causing you to limply fall further into his embrace. He stopped to look into your eyes again, unaware of the heat soaring through your cheeks.

“Do you want to try something?” He said, his words beginning to slur slightly. You nodded and he smirked, pulling you into the shower, and turning the warm rain on. Taehyung dropped to his knees, pressing you against the glass wall and began to kiss your clit softly, letting his tongue peak through and flick against it. Your hands found his hair and your pushed his head towards you as he let his tongue slide out more, lathering you up and licking every crevice. Sensation was building up with every move and you felt like your chest would explode. It felt so good, but you missed the feeling of his body against yours.

“Tae…tae…kiss me” You pleaded. He spat on your pussy and used his tongue to mix his saliva with your arousal. You twitched as his he became harsher. “Tae”

He was not listening, too engrossed in eating up every last drop of you. He sucked, pushed his tongue into your core, pushing your thighs further and further apart. You felt your orgasm approaching, but you didn’t want to cum yet. You wanted to look into his eyes. You wanted to feel his lips on your body. The shower continued to hit your chest, rolling down onto Taehyung’s head. He rose up, licking his lips, with a feral look in his eyes. He grabbed your neck and brought his face close to you. His grip tightened and you squirmed, unsure of what he was about to do.

He watched as droplets of water trickled down from your forehead, over your supple blushed cheeks, down your bruised lips, off your chin and down the valley of your heaving breasts. “I love you” His breath hitched. “I love you y/n” He choked you harder, your breath escaping you. He let his nose drag against your face, from your ear down your neck. He bit into your collar, sucking your skin harshly to mark you.

“Taehyung I can’t breathe” You yelped. He released his grip and you took a deep breath. Your vision was hazy, the hot fumes of the water and the lack of oxygen pushing you into a feeling of light headedness. Taehyung wasted no time in pinning your hands above you and slowly pushing his now rock hard cock into you.

You couldn’t really feel what was happening, desperately trying to breathe as Taehyung bottomed out. His chest pressed against yours and his lips barely an inch from yours. Keeping one hand holding yours, he gripped your hips with the other and began pummeling into you roughly. He smacked your thigh when he felt you try to close your legs, your pussy sore from the harsh movements. He began to slow down, rolling his hips more so you could really feel his cock hit you in all the best places. 

Your pussy clenched, causing him to moan out. “Is my little princess gonna cum on my cock? Gonna cum on daddy’s big cock hm? Your such a little whore for me. You love the way daddy’s dick feels in your little tight pussy don’t you? Hm?” He growled into your ear, his words sending you further and further over the edge. His thrusts became slow but harsh, as he grunted with each one, feeling his cock go as deep inside you as it could.

A wave of shock washed over you as your reached your high, your body twitching immensely. Taehyung began to rub your clit furiously as he felt you orgasm, helping you through it. You screamed out with pleasure, Taehyung cooing at you to keep going. Your ecstasy did not relent, his rapid fingering pushing you straight into another orgasm causing you to yell out his name like a prayer.

Taehyung rested his chin on your shoulder, holding you with both his hands now and let you grab his hair. He pounded into your drenched pussy as you both continued to soak under the pouring shower. “Say it…tell me you love me y/n…or are you really just the little whore they all say you are” He bit the lobe of your ear, making you gasp out at the unexpected rush of pleasure.

“Taehyung…fuck you feel so good” You whimpered at the overstimulation. You felt Taehyung smile. What you couldn’t see was Taehyung head lifting up to make eye contact with a certain someone at the door of the bathroom.

Now fully awake from his nap, Jimin stood, shocked at what he was seeing. The way you were so intimately being fucked by Taehyung, the way you moaned out his name, the way your hands were clenched in his hair as water poured down on the both of you. Taehyung’s eyes were sinister. His smirk as he continued to whisper sweet nothings into your ears.

“Say it princess. Say you love me.” He mumbled, thrusting in extra hard and making you scream.

“I…” You couldn’t think straight, feeling a second high coming, “Fuck…more Tae more…I’m so close, you feel so good. Taehyungggg” You panted feverishly, “Yes baby, I love you, I love you so much. I love you more than anything baby ahhhh” The orgasm hit you, and your pussy squeezed Taehyung’s cock so violently that he came then and there too, all while not looking away from Jimin for a second. Taehyung then kissed you, continuing to hold you against the glass.

“I love you” You panted, cupping his cheeks as he kissed you softly. Jimin felt like he was going to throw up. He couldn’t see your eyes—he didn’t even want to. His heart was absolutely shattered.

He felt tears coming on strong. This was his soul mate. His best friend. Did she really not love him back? Was this really happening? Jimin clenched his fists. Memories of your sweet laugh, your endless nights with him talking about everything. You were home to him, and now he felt as though he had lost everything. Were you really that desperate for cock? That you would ruin your relationship with you best friend? Why didn’t you just say no if you didn’t love him? Why did you say you wanted him when you didn’t?

Jimin’s thoughts ran a million miles a second and he couldn’t hold it back anymore.

He dropped to the floor crying.

Who were you? Where was his y/n? Did this glow up destroy the beautiful girl he fell in love with?

A/N: next chapter will be the ending!! thanks for following along & all your support, i hope you enjoyed it:) wonder who y/n will finally go with....

<----------previous                                                         next----------->

Taglist: @honeyspillings  @hollowtree10

[ezzydean]

our fate, your hands

6 times the ace kissed the setter’s hands +1 time the setter kissed the ace’s hands

for @notsuchasecret

happiest of days my friend

1 Yamamoto

Tora sits down next to Kenma, back against the gym wall, and takes a deep breath.  It doesn’t do anything to settle him, not like he had hoped it would.  His feet twitch, his fingers tap out a meaningless rhythm were they’re pressed against the floor.  He rolls one shoulder and then the other and then the first again.  Kenma huffs softly and leans towards him, keeps leaning until he’s pressing his shoulder into Tora’s.  It helps a little, helps ground him.  But Tora’s mind is still whirling, still spiraling, still showing all the opportunities he missed in that last practice game.

He pulls his hands into his lap and starts tapping his fingers against each other as he replays that last point in his head.  If he had moved a little faster.  Or maybe stepped back a little sooner to let one of the others take it.  Or maybe—

Tora stares down as his brain freezes and tries to process the sight of Kenma’s right hand resting on top of his own hands.

Kenma has switched his phone to his left hand to play whatever game he has on it and Tora’s watched Kenma play his games enough to know how much slower he is with his left hand.  How much more concentration he has to use to tap the screen in the right places.  How much trickier it is to make the right swoops and slides across the screen.  How much Kenma dislikes doing it.  Kenma doesn’t look at Tora but he presses a little closer and wriggles his fingers against Tora’s palm.

Tora picks up Kenma’s hand and presses a kiss to the back of it before tangling their fingers together.

Kenma rolls his eyes but he takes the gesture for what it is: a quiet thank you for being there.

2 Tanaka

It wasn’t nearly as tricky as he had imagined, stepping into the role of ace of Karasuno’s team.  Sure Asahi left him some pretty big shoes to fill but he had already been playing with Kageyama as starting setter for a year and even with Hinata on the team Ryuu managed to make a kind of frightening duo with Kageyama without much effort.  Kageyama trusted Hinata with his crazy bizarre almost instinctual quicks and on the fly changes.  But Ryuu trusted Kageyama to put the ball in front of him when it counted.

Kageyama sits down onto the bench next to him, gaze serious and thoughtful as he stares at the volleyball Ryuu has been spinning idly as he waits for practice to start.

“What’s on your mind?”

“They trust me,” Kageyama says, voice quiet but sure.  He isn’t questioning his place, isn’t questioning the team or their thoughts.  He’s just stating a fact.

“They do,” Ryuu agrees.

“They put their trust in me every game and I have to pick the right people to put the ball in front of, the right hands to connect it to.”  He stares down at his own hands for a moment before looking up and meeting Ryuu’s eyes.  “Hinata’s the one I put it in front of for the wild plays.  The ones that shouldn’t work but do.  You’re the one I put it in front of when I need it work.  When I need the team to know we can do this.  That no matter what we’ll keep going.”

“Oh,” Ryuu says.  

He’s not sure why he does it.  But he reaches over and grabs Kageyama’s left hand and kisses his knuckles.  Kageyama watches him, curiosity sparkling in his eyes.  When Ryuu just shrugs instead of explaining himself Kageyama lets out a quiet laugh and tilts to the side to lean against Ryuu’s shoulder.

3 Ushijima

Shirabu talks a lot about things like being worthy enough to play with Wakatoshi.  Being talented enough.  Wakatoshi isn’t sure about the whole being ‘talented’ enough or ‘worthy’ enough thing.  Those are odd quantifiers for ‘enough’ in his mind.  You’re either enough or you’re not.

Shirabu is.

Wakatoshi watches as Shirabu tapes his fingers, careful and precise in his motions, and nods in approval when Shirabu notices his watchful gaze.  Shirabu nods back, flexing his fingers as he tucks the roll of tape back into his gym bag.

He’s not sure what stray spark of thought and muscle reaction makes him reach out as Shirabu moves to walk past him but it’s probably the same one that encourages him to wrap his fingers around Shirabu’s wrist — and has it always been so delicate looking or is Wakatoshi’s hand just that large in comparison? — and press a careful kiss to the outside edge of Shirabu’s wrist — the one he sprained earlier this spring and had cursed himself out for hurting for the entire time it took him to heal.

Shirabu looks startled but Wakatoshi simply tells him, “You are enough,” before heading across the gym to start his stretches.

4 Azumane

There’s been a lot in Asahi’s life that he just never really understood.  Things that he’s never fully grasped.  Things that will forever be unknown to his mind.  He’s okay with that.  He doesn’t want to, or need to, know everything.

Except for when it comes to Suga.  Suga and his ability to stir things up and drag Asahi along on the most amazing adventures.  Suga who pulls him out of his funks and makes him smile.  Suga who challenges him.  Suga who never forces him to give more than he can.

Which just makes Asahi want to give Suga everything he can.

Suga who has had his back even when he’s been dragging Asahi down hallways and forcing him to face his biggest fears on and off the court.  Suga who never stops trying and never lets Asahi give up.

He has often been a creature full of hesitation, full of doubts and worries and forever chased by little gray clouds of worry.  But he doesn’t stop to think, doesn’t give himself the chance to worry about anything, when he sits down next to Suga under the tree outside the gym.  He just takes Suga’s hand and presses a soft kiss to his palm, doing his best to convey everything he wants to tell Suga and can’t with the simple gesture.

5 Ushijima

Semi sits down two seats from him stares at the side of his face until Wakatoshi turns to look at him.  When he does Semi simply continues to stare.

“What is it?”

Semi blinks at his question but doesn’t respond.  He just nods to himself like Wakatoshi just answered some question of his.  Which is strange because Wakatoshi hadn’t even known that Semi was asking anything.  He just turns back to the magazine he has open on the table in front of him and lets Semi go back to whatever it was he had been doing.

Twenty minutes later Semi is staring at him again.

Wakatoshi grabs Semi’s wrist and tugs at it until Semi moves to the chair next to him with a questioning hum.  The sound cuts off dramatically when Wakatoshi brings Semi’s wrist up and kisses the delicate skin just under Semi’s palm.  Semi lets out a soft little noise when Wakatoshi presses his lips against that delicate skin a second time.

Wakatoshi will never really understand people.  But that’s okay.  Because he’s found the ones who understand him well enough that it doesn’t matter in the end.

6 Kyoutani

It’s just another day.  Classes he drags himself through.  Lunch that’s mediocre without being entirely bland.  More classes.  Practice.  He sprinkles in arguments and eye rolls and scoffs, seasoning his day with irritated responses and head shakes from his classmates.  Same as any other day he’s repeated hundreds of times and will repeat hundreds more.  Even the shouting match he gets into with Yahaba while Watari watches them with that disappointed look on his face even as his eyes sparkle with amusement is the same as always.

Until it isn’t.

One second Yahaba is jabbing at Kentarou’s chest with his finger and the next Kentarou has hold of Yahaba’s wrist and is pressing kisses to the tips of Yahaba’s fingers.

Yahaba stares at him in shock.  Watari snorts.

Kentarou raises his eyebrows, daring Yahaba to respond in some way.  Yahaba just watches as Kentarou finishes kissing the fingers on one hand and then grabs the other to do the same thing.

Yahaba has always had an odd way of showing that he cared, that he wanted his teammates and friends to be okay.  Kentarou figures that it’s only fair to thank him in just as odd of a way.

+1 Koganegawa

It… hadn’t been the best of games.  He had tried, they all had, but it just hadn’t quite been enough.  Kanji is irritated and frustrated with himself.  But as he watches Futakuchi take a deep breath and run a tired hand down his face he realizes that he’s not the only one feeling this way and he’s sure that it’s a dozen times worse for his captain.

Futakuchi scrubs at his face and runs his hand through his hair and presses his palms against his forehead and Kanji just wants to make it better.  To make things easier for his captain, his ace.

When Futakuchi growls and starts to dig the heel of his hands against his cheeks Kanji steps over and grabs his wrists, pulling Futakuchi’s hands away from his face.  He kisses the edge of Futakuchi’s palm.

“We’ll do better next time,” he promises, lips brushing against Futakuchi’s warm skin.

Futakuchi stares at him in surprise for just a few seconds before takes a deep breath and nods.

“Of course we will,” he says.  “I’ll make sure of it.”

Kanji grins and lets go of Futakuchi’s wrists, stepping away to grab his bag from the bench.  It might not have been the best of games but they wouldn’t let that stop them.  Futakuchi wouldn’t let that stop them.

That’s why he was the ace, after all.

[umbry-fic]

A Palette Full of You (4)

Summary: Glimpses into Colette and Lloyd’s lives as they grow up together, learn who they are, and fall in love with each other.

(Written for Colloyd Week 2021)

Fandom: Tales of Symphonia Characters: Colette Brunel, Lloyd Irving Relationships: Colette Brunel/Lloyd Irving Rating: G Chapter: 4 of 6 Word Count: 5897 Mirror Link: AO3 Original Post Date: 12/06/2021

Chapter Title: Stardust

Chapter Summary: The astronomy club holds a stargazing event on the school rooftop. As chairperson, there's no chance Lloyd isn't going to invite Colette. But as the night progresses, actually spotting the hard-to-find stars become the least of Colette's concerns.

(Colloyd Week Day 4: Stargazing)

Notes+Warnings: Chapter 4 of my multi chapter Colloyd week fic! Warning for some major internalised acephobia.

Chapter list Full fic Previous chapter Next chapter

~~~

16-years-old

Stepping out of the science lab into the corridor, Colette came to a halt, her schoolbag weighing on her shoulders, soaking in the warm air as other students filed past her. One of the most unfortunate things about attending practical make-up was that she wasn't guaranteed her usual seat by the lab window. Sitting right under the air-con was enough to send her into hibernation, and the test was hard enough as it was. She'd barely managed to finish on time.

Rummaging through the pocket of her navy blue pinafore, her fingers brushed past a packet of tissue and her wallet before successfully pulling her phone out. She needed a reminder of where the stargazing event was taking place, and who better to ask than Lloyd? She hoped he was reading his messages.

"7.23 pm, May 18th" blinked at her from her phone screen.

Wait, 7 missed calls? From Lloyd? What for?

Gah, she’d forgotten to tell him.

She dialled his number, placing the phone against her ear and waiting for his anxious voice to ring out. Which it did, just seconds later as he picked up.

“Colette? Where are you? I tried calling you so many times, and Sheena and Zelos wouldn’t pick up because they’re both at tuition!”

“I forgot to tell you the makeup got pushed by an hour. Sorry for making you worry, Lloyd. But I’m done now. Where’s the event at?”

"We’re on the school rooftop! Where we celebrated Sheena's birthday last month, remember?" Lloyd replied, his voice tinny in quality from the phone call. She could hear, in the background, the overlapping sounds of many voices.

“School rooftop, school rooftop, school rooftop…” she mumbled, beginning to scurry through her secondary school's corridors, head darting every which way to determine where she was and try to find clues as to where she was going. She didn’t often wander into this part of the school campus - block D, the science block - since she only took two sciences. Usually, she’d take the main staircase straight down to the canteen, but it would take forever to get back to the roof from there. She didn’t want to be too late.

“You’re coming from science lab 3, right? If I remember correctly, it’s one right, walk past the storage room to block C, and then take the first left down the bridge to block B. You should see the staircase to the roof. Do you need me to come and get you?”

“No, no, it’s fine! Just stay on the phone?”

“Alri - OI, MATTHEW, STOP MESSING WITH THE TELESCOPE! YOU DO NOT GET SPECIAL TREATMENT JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE MY DESKMATE! GET YOUR HANDS OFF AND LET ELLA HANDLE IT!” The yell was muffled, probably because Lloyd had taken the phone away from his mouth to avoid deafening her, though his raised voice was still enough to make her wince, tearing the phone away from her ear.

“Sorry about that,” Lloyd said, his voice lowered back to normal volume again. “Got to prevent property damage. You know how it is.”

“Right…” She laughed nervously, wondering how many people were up on the rooftop and what exactly they were up to. She was hoping to spend a peaceful evening stargazing with Lloyd and listening to him talk about constellations, the shining passion in his eyes rivalling even the stars above, not… getting distracted by people fooling around.

“How’s it going? Are you getting closer?”

“I’m pretty sure I’m heading in the right direction,” she assured Lloyd, taking the left he’d directed her to and running down the bridge connecting two blocks, her ponytail flaring behind her and her pinafore swirling around her legs. There was almost no one left in the school now. The hallways she’d run through had been abandoned, for the most part, the stragglers she passed by all heading in the direction of the main gate. The sky, visible from the bridge, was in the last throes of twilight, slowly bleeding into night as black seeped across the sky.

Colette skidded to a halt at the end of the bridge, gaze landing on a familiar door. She could recall this stairwell now, having taken it two months ago. She, Zelos and Lloyd had somehow managed to lead a blindfolded Sheena up it, whereafter they had surprised their friend with a birthday cake they had baked together. That birthday cake had been salvaged solely by Zelos, who was a surprisingly good baker. Or maybe they were just average, and weren't knocking over the baking tray every ten minutes like her.

“I’ve found the right staircase!” Colette said, hanging up and stuffing her phone back into her pocket and starting to take the stairs two at a time. She usually never did that (and was often teased by Sheena over it), choosing to climb each step carefully, for the risk of tripping was too high. But she was in a hurry, and so had no other choice. Her shoe-laces were coming undone, and her school bag seemed to be getting heavier with each step.

Everyone else who was attending the event was likely already on the rooftop - Colette could hear voices and the sounds of footsteps against concrete through the open door at the top of the stairwell. Grabbing the cold metal handle, she threw the door open, finally emerging onto the rooftop.

There were about thirty or so people milling around, everyone still dressed in their school uniforms, chatting with friends, holding cups of fruit punch or lounging on the mats that had come from the gymnasium. Not enough people to count as a crowd, but certainly respectable. Just a small event, one where she could relax and enjoy some peace and quiet.

Now she just had to find Lloyd...

"Colette!"

Speak of the devil! Or the angel, perhaps... Colette tracked the source of the voice and spotted Lloyd, making his way over from a group of students who were busy fiddling with a telescope, his hand gripping a red plastic cup. One side of his collar was flipped up, and the small shooting star pin that marked him as the chairperson of the astrology club was pinned to the other. Only one of the sleeves of his white blouse were folded like they were meant to be, the other way too long and leaving barely any skin visible above his elbow. His white long pants had been rolled up as much as possible - which wasn't much, honestly, the most it could reach was mid-thigh. It was one of those stuffy nights with no wind that was stifling and hard to fall asleep in.

"You made it!" Lloyd's grin grew wider as he grabbed her hand, only for him to flinch away instantly, vivid red liquid nearly sloshing over the rim of his cup. “Gah, your hand is really cold.”

"Sorry! You know how cold the lab is. Anyway, I only made it here thanks to your assistance." Colette laughed, feeling her weariness peel off her instantly. Lloyd always had that effect on her - his energy was infectious, like it was being injected straight into her veins whenever she was in close proximity to him. Especially now, with clear excitement alive on his face.

It was strange, though. He was the only one with that effect on her. Meeting her other friends never failed to make her happy, but Lloyd was the only one that could make her feel ten times more alive in an instant the moment she saw his smile. It had only started in the past year, this unknown, electrifying sensation that arose in her heart whenever she was with Lloyd. The desire to see him again after school ended got stronger with each day, but she couldn’t understand any of it…

“You’re staying for the afterparty, right?” Lloyd asked, taking a sip of the fruit punch. He said afterparty, but she knew it wouldn’t be much of a party. Just all the members of the astrology club hanging out in the tiny room the school had assigned to them, playing card games and chatting. Everyone in the club knew her by name, for she was the friend of their chairperson who somehow managed to turn up at every meeting. She was practically an honorary member at this point.

A homey gathering without any alcohol in sight. She much preferred it that way. The last time alcohol had come into play when she was staying overnight at a chalet with the rest of her class, sometime late last year. She'd avoided the cans of beer stacked on the floor, the smell not appealing to her. But alcohol sure made the rest of her classmates go wild. Running away from slightly drunk classmates trying to get her to play truth and dare was not fun. Normal truth and dare was already horrible, with questions like "who are you crushing on" and "who would you like to kiss". She didn't understand why it was a game that people insisted be played at every class gathering or orientation. No one ever believed her when she answered honestly with "no one", and she was fairly used to the reactions by now, the common ones being that she had to be lying, for everyone had someone in mind, or that she should stop acting so high-and-mighty, or just snickers of her being a prude.

Just because she was used to the biting words didn't mean they had stopped hurting, reminder stacked atop reminder of how she was isolated from everyone else around her. And as much as she hated answering "truth" whenever that accursed bottle landed on her, answering "dare" was even worse. There were the innocent ones like doing the chicken dance, and then there was having to kiss someone. She always did her best to leave as soon as the bottle made an appearance, but she could never say "no" when someone asked her directly to join, for she never knew how to turn people down. Neither did she want to give her classmates more reasons to treat her as a laughingstock for being too much of a coward to play. So now, whenever she was forced to play the game, she would give the least offensive answers possible - mostly girls, for she at least found them pretty, though she didn't think that was what attractive meant.

But the drunk version of truth and dare? That was hell on Earth. The questions got even more invasive. She could never understand how someone could ask "who would you sleep with here" with a straight face. And alcohol loosened the lips of her classmates, enough that she had heard snippets of some of the more adventurous ones describing their sexual escapades in sickening detail. She really didn't need the reminder that sexual activities weren't just a thing of fiction, but something that actually happened amongst real people and that people seemed to really want to do. She'd spent half of that chalet stay playing Uno with Zelos in a corner, because Zelos was way better at promptly rejecting offers to play truth and dare.

Only her friends had ever come to her defence, but it was not like they could help that much when they weren't in the same class, apart from Zelos. Still, they afforded much-needed safety, and they never pointed out how she was weird or strange or different, even if they must have noticed by now. But...

She was 16. Wasn't she supposed to get it by now?

“Yep, I'm staying. We can go home together,” Colette suggested, tearing her thoughts back to the present. "Dad already knows I'll be coming home late, and Aunt Anna can just pick us both up."

Colette reached out to fold Lloyd's right sleeve, straightening the wrinkles out, before reaching to flip his collar down. His uniform was always in such a state of disarray, and it was always up to her to get him looking neat before the teachers did their inspections during morning assembly.

"Yep, I'll let Mom know," Lloyd replied, squeezing her hand. "Let's actually get to stargazing, shall we? Come on, I reserved the mat with the best telescope. The..."

Colette let Lloyd ramble on about the specifications of the telescope as he guided her towards their destination. It was always endearing to hear him talk about the topics he loved, whether it be the ocean or the stars. His words would get faster as he went on, until he was barely intelligible as all the syllables clumped together, without him even noticing. She didn’t want to interrupt him, though, much preferring to just watch him as a smile inevitably grew on her face.

"Right! Get comfortable!" Lloyd said, having completed his spiel and coming to an abrupt stop. Colette stumbled a few steps forward, so engrossed in listening to Lloyd that she'd nearly tripped. He gestured towards the deep blue mat stuffed with foam, placing his cup next to it before crouching to adjust the sleek black telescope, nimble fingers flying from knobs to levers. His face was scrunched up in concentration, focussed entirely on his task.

Colette dumped her school bag down and kicked off her school shoes, leaving her feet clad in white socks, and scrambled onto the mat, lying down on it. Lloyd joined her soon after, having finished whatever preparations he was doing, sidling closer on the mat so that his shoulder pressed against hers as they both stared up into the night sky, now completely dark. In the distance, Colette could see the lighted-up M sign on the business complex.

“We can look at the stars first before we use the telescope to find the planets. What do you see, right now?”

"Um, well… I can only see one star in the sky," Colette muttered, pointing out the lone, twinkling presence. It was common knowledge that there was too much light pollution to actually see any of the vast galaxies and planets that were scattered throughout the universe. The most Colette had ever seen at once when looking out at the sky from the balcony of her apartment was three stars, dimly shining and far away from each other. They were hundreds of light-years away, unreachable and yet still shining their light for all to see.

"No, there's more. It's a really clear sky tonight, and we can see so much!" Lloyd replied eagerly. The starry-eyed enthusiasm had returned to his eyes, seeming to burrow straight into her heart. Pointing up into a particular patch of sky, he said, "There! Do you see the top of the Big Dipper?"

"Ah..." She tried to follow the line of his arm but didn't spot any hidden stars, shaking her head. "No...? The Big Dipper is the one that looks like a frying pan, right?" It was one of the many constellations that Lloyd had taught her while on his impassioned rambles about astrology. Ever since he'd picked up that one book on constellations from the library in primary school, he'd been obsessed with stars. She could still fondly remember the first time he had talked about it. She'd plopped down in front of him at the canteen table after school, asking what he was reading. He'd shut the book and told her about white dwarfs, planetary systems and the Milky Way for a full five minutes while she listened in awed silence. She'd rarely seen him this excited over anything. Lloyd had been about to continue before shutting his mouth abruptly, flushing as he realised how long he had gone on for and apologising for running her ear off. She'd told him that she didn't mind listening to him - there was something soothing about it, really, listening to his voice and watching his excited mannerisms.

"You remember?" Lloyd craned his neck so that he was facing her. There was something in the depths of those eyes that stared back at her. Something which, for the past two years, she would spot occasionally. And yet she still couldn’t put a name to it.

Somehow, how truly close they were hadn’t registered in her mind until this very moment. If she inched forward just a little, their noses would bump.

But they’d been this close so many times before. Why was this time so different?

Or, more accurately, what had changed in the past year? Why couldn’t she be this close without something in her clicking, filling her with a warmth that was both familiar but foreign? Why were her palms starting to sweat, her heart starting to race? It felt like she was about to give a presentation to a room full of strangers.

But that wasn't the case. She was just next to Lloyd, her oldest friend and the person she trusted most in the world.

Perhaps recently she had been noticing more tiny things she hadn't before, staring at him for just a little longer than she used to - how his hair fell into his eyes on days where he didn’t bother to comb or style his hair, how there was a dimple only on the right side of his mouth, how his hair could vary in shade under different lighting, from a golden brown to dark chocolate. It even appeared red sometimes.

She felt like she was at the cusp of a discovery.

"Of - of course I remember." Colette stumbled over the words, averting her gaze up towards the night sky. "You've been working on the notes for this club for so long, and I helped you with them! So of course I'd remember."

"That's true. We did spend a lot of late nights on those." Lloyd chuckled. "Remember all the pillow fights?"

"Yeah, I do. You always let me win, you cheater," she grumbled, glad for the light-hearted change in topic to distract from her confusing feelings. "But I'm happy everything worked out and you managed to get the club set up! You've worked really hard on all this. You deserve the success."

"I couldn't have done it without you, really," Lloyd retorted, taking gentle hold of her wrist. "And I know I've thanked you already, but let me just say it again. Thank you. In return, I'll do my best to show you as much as I can!" Lloyd pointed her arm towards a point in the sky. "There. Look closely. Do you see it now?"

She focussed on that spot, squinting in hopes that the secrets of the night sky would be revealed to her. "Oh!" Colette exclaimed. She could see it now, just barely - a faint source of light. There was a lonely little star, shining as brightly as it could, just enough to be noticeable but going unseen by the unobservant eye.

"You got it!" Lloyd cheered, beginning to slowly guide her hand to trace out a shape - that familiar pan shape he’d drawn for her so many times. His fingers, wrapped around her wrist, were so warm... "Now do you see the Big Dipper?"

"You're right," she said in amazement. The pattern had been there all along. How many more were waiting to be found, causing the sky to come to life before her very eyes?

"There are so many beautiful constellations to find in the sky." Lloyd grinned. Dimly lit by the gentle light of the night sky, far from the harsh fluorescent lights of the classroom and the often blinding rays of the sun, his features seemed softer than ever, and she had the urge to just... reach out and touch his face. Splay her fingers on his cheek, rest her forehead against his, let the strands of his hair fall through her fingers…

"Yeah..." She glanced back up at the night sky. She could spot the Little Dipper now, glimmering. Already, she was discovering new things.

When she glanced back, Lloyd was staring at her with a wistful expression, the arm not holding hers held stiffly against his side, like he was aching to reach out but was holding himself back.

The moment was gone, as quickly as it had come, and Lloyd's face once again sported a happy smile, like nothing of significance had happened. Perhaps she had imagined the whole thing. But in just a few seconds, the entire centre of her world had shifted, throwing her irreversibly off balance.

Her chest felt constricted, like she couldn't breathe properly, that strange sensation back in her heart again.

But it would be a lie to say she hadn’t figured out what it was. She had fallen into the unfamiliar pit of love, just as she had always wanted. Or maybe it would be more accurate to say she had fallen a long time ago, but had only just realised she wasn’t standing on solid ground any longer.

She had found The One. Finally.

So why... Why had nothing changed at all?

It was no longer possible to convince herself that she could be just like everyone else. Not when she was acutely aware of how stupidly immature she was compared to everyone else, always cringing away from the thought of sex. Whether it be skipping raunchy scenes in books or shows, avoiding popular pop songs with explicit lyrics, or promptly deciding to stop listening whenever her classmates decided it was a good time to talk about it. She couldn't rid herself of nausea that would roil in her stomach. But... that was wrong, wasn't it?

If she loved someone, she was supposed to desire them. That's what happened in all the stories - people fell in love, and then they happily had sex with each other. It was everywhere. In every book, in every show. Even the terrible sex-ed lessons had parroted that a happy relationship was one with healthy amounts of sex. Everyone was going to have sex at some point once they got into a relationship, to want to have it and to eagerly give it. But she didn't. She had never felt the same way. And that was her truth, the one that went unregarded by others.

Or maybe her truth was that she was just broken. That something had shattered inside of her a long time ago, and now she couldn't be put back together, couldn't feel what she was supposed to, what others did. And she didn't know what to do about it.

No matter how much she hated the idea of sex, someday she’d have to force herself to go through with it. After all, it was a requisite for a relationship. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be worthy of love, and she didn’t love her partner enough. She owed it to whoever her partner was, even if one day it ended up being Lloyd. This was her fault, after all. No one else was broken in the same way as her.

It would just be like… forcing herself to eat her vegetables when she was younger, wincing over the yucky taste until she got used to it. Nothing more. Easy.

Maybe then she’d finally get it.

Maybe then everything would magically fix itself.

Tears pricked at the corner of her eyes which she willed to disappear. She felt like the stars above. Shining alone, so far away from any other companion, looking down upon a world that was too far away to understand. All alone. Always all alone.

"Too bad we can't see more here in the city. One day, I promise, we'll see the real starry sky together! The galaxies, the planets, the suns... All of it. It'll be amazing," Lloyd continued, oblivious to her inner turmoil. Because even he could not read her mind.

Colette folded her hands over her stomach, closing her eyes. The enormity of the emotion beating in her heart absolutely terrified her, as did the thought of the future and what awaited her. Could she ever act on these feelings? Would she ever be deserving of acting on them, inadequate as she was? Did she even really love him?

There was no use in agonising over these thoughts, for no answers would ever be found.

"I'd like that," she whispered, squeezing his hand. She was more than willing to just enjoy his company for now. Her dearest friend.

“I’ll show you the rest of the stars that are visible today! Then we can look into the telescope and see the nebula. I’ve already pointed it in the right direction! You won’t want to miss it, it’s incredible! Over there is…”

So long as she could remain with him, everything would be alright.

~~~

“Bye, Lloyd!” Ella said, waving as she sprinted out of the club room. “Have a safe trip home!”

“You too!” he called out after her, as loud as he could without waking up Colette. Her head was resting on his lap, the hair she had freed from her ponytail forming a golden sea that swallowed his legs. Her arms were still wrapped tightly around the huge penguin plush that acted as the club’s unofficial mascot. He couldn’t for the life of him recall where it’d come from.

How did he always end up being Colette’s pillow? Not that he was complaining…

Lloyd ran a gentle hand through Colette’s hair, making sure not to awaken her. Mom would take another 20 minutes to arrive at the drop-off point, so he might as well let Colette continue to sleep. After all, he still had to clean up and lock up the room. At least Colette had helped him with most of it.

He moved his hand rhythmically, watching her minute facial movements. What dream was she having right now? Was it a happy one? He hoped it was. He wanted nothing more than to see a truly happy smile on her face every day, and that was the root of the feelings that had built up over years.

In the ensuing silence, he couldn’t help but think back.

What had happened while he was showing her the stars? There had been a period of time when she had seemed to withdraw into herself, becoming far quieter than she usually was. Almost contemplative. Even a little sad.

She had been back to normal afterwards, cheerful with her large smiles and bright laughter. He didn’t know how to question her about it, didn’t know how to even start the conversation. He wanted to find out, so he could help, in any way he could.

But… No matter how much he hated it, he could only wait. After all, if whatever was weighing on her was simple, she would have told him already. He could only hope she’d be able to tell him about what was troubling her, someday.

And he would wait. For as long as needed…

~~~

26-years-old

Lloyd set the rental car in reverse, slowly backing it up into the empty lot in the mostly deserted car park, the wheels crunching against gravel. Turning off the engine, he pulled the keys out of the ignition and stuffed them into the pocket of his jeans. Glancing over at the seat next to him revealed that Colette was peacefully asleep, head lolling onto her shoulder. Somehow, the abrupt bump in the road some ten minutes ago hadn't woken her up.

This was their second day in Melbourne to celebrate their honeymoon. Dad and Mom had come here for their honeymoon too, but maybe some things become a tradition for a reason. He and Colette had followed a strict itinerary, taking some advice from his parents when planning where to go. They had visited the fisheries for lunch yesterday, where Colette had sung the praises of the fish fillet, absolutely delighted at its freshness, which could never be experienced at home. Following which, they had driven to Phillip island to catch the nightly penguin parade, Colette cooing over all the little penguins waddling home. It was a cute sight - both the penguins and Colette.

It was the middle of winter, the temperature just shy of needing actual winter gear but cold enough that they were both wearing turtlenecks, not accustomed to the winter winds. A bit of a shame, actually. He would have loved to witness the adorable sight of Colette in a beanie that covered her ears, cheeks flushed from the cold and fingers housed in fluffy gloves. But alas, that sight would only remain in his imagination until they travelled to a country with much colder weather.

The car journey had been silent, Colette alternating between staring at the rare car that passed them on the narrow dirt roads, or doodling on her phone with a stylus, occasionally letting out a tiny giggle. As they had agreed upon, she had stopped looking out of the window for the last leg of their journey, which was close to a whole hour. At some point she had stopped making conversation with him, soft snores replacing the sound of her voice as the quiet night and hours of travelling had finally taken their toll.

He reached out a hand to hover over her shoulder, hesitating. He didn’t want to disrupt her rest, but she wouldn’t be seeing anything if she didn’t wake up, and that would render all his effort to transport the two of them into the remote meaningless. He had no choice.

“Colette.” He called her name softly, gently shaking her shoulder until she let out a tiny sigh. Her eyes fluttered open, still filled with sleepiness.

“We’re here. It’s time to get out of the car,” he said, grabbing hold of the strands of her hair that had fallen into her face during her sleep and tucking them behind her ear.

“Oh. Thanks for waking me up.” Colette yawned, covering her mouth with her hand as she stretched, trying to shake the sleep out of her system. “I need to cover my eyes while I get out, right?” she said, covering her eyes with her palms and giggling, doing exactly as they’d discussed without question. “I can’t look until you say so! Can’t spoil the surprise now, right?”

“Perfect! I’ll help you out of the car. Wait there.”

Lloyd stepped out of the car, shutting the door and running over to her side. He opened the passenger-side door, grabbing hold of her bent arms.

"Carefully now," he muttered, slowly helping Colette out of the car and steadying her when she stumbled slightly onto the gravel. Taking a stronger hold around her arm, he began to guide her across the carpark towards a small hill, walking backwards and taking the occasional peek behind his shoulder to get a gauge for where he was going. With each step they took, the loose bits of gravel under their feet were kicked aside.

The grassy hill was a little harder to go up backwards, but he persevered. The grass was wet with dew, starting to wet the hem of his jeans as they brushed the skin of his ankles. Colette was completely silent, seemingly holding her breath in anticipation of the big reveal.

The trip out here had been exceedingly long, for this place truly was off the beaten path. He could count the number of people here with the fingers on one hand. But he could certainly say the trip had been worth it. Just sneaking a peek upwards was enough to make up for everything. This place really lived up to all the praise it had been given online.

Making sure they had a wonderful view of the sky, Lloyd came to a stop, turning Colette by the shoulders so she was facing the right direction. "You can look now," he whispered into her ear, tapping her shoulder and stepping back.

Colette uncovered her eyes and let out an audible gasp, transfixed by the night sky. They were far from civilization, so distant that there were no artificial lights to interfere with the natural dance of the stars. Laid out above them were millions of stars, clustered together and twinkling in unity. Swirls of pink and purple denoted the galaxies, resembling little bits of cotton candy painted onto the black canvas of the sky, interspersed with tiny dots that represented planets. The entire universe was spread out before their eyes to witness, splendid and magnificent.

He watched as she raised an arm, tracing the skies slowly. It almost seemed like her index finger was trailing stardust. He wouldn't be surprised if she actually was, since she was already pure magic in every other way.

She turned to face him, the starlight reflecting in her wide eyes and off the ring on her left hand, painting her as a more beautiful sight than even the gorgeous skies above him.

"You remembered!" she exclaimed, running over to throw her arms around him, knocking him back slightly as she smiled up at him. Thankfully, they were nowhere near the edge of the incline, or they would have gone tumbling down a long way. This close, he was even more reminded of her untouchable beauty: her shimmering blue eyes were breathtaking. "You kept your promise."

Colette moved her arms so they were wrapped behind his neck. She was practically hanging off of him; his gaze focussed on her smiling face.

"Well, I wanted to see it too." He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to press a kiss on her forehead. "And I always do my best to keep my promises."

I promised that I would never leave you, and I will keep that promise. No matter what.

“They’re all together now. They’re not alone anymore,” Colette said, "Thank you." She rested her head against his shoulder, his hands automatically shifting to her back, holding her close. "I love you."

She said those words so easily now, without the hesitance that had bogged her down at the beginning. He knew not all of her fears and insecurities were gone - maybe they never would be, and all they could do was reassure each other. There were the terrible nights where she would sob next to him and admit she felt like a fraud for being unable to give him sexual intimacy, crying that she wasn't enough and that he deserved so much more. All he could do was hold her in his arms and whisper into her hair that it was alright, that he loved her, that he didn’t care. But as time went on, those nights became less frequent, until they were few and far between. Besides, she did give him pieces of that intimacy, whenever she could - the gift he cherished, for it truly meant the world coming from her.

"I love you too. Picture?" he offered, holding up his phone. He wanted to create a physical memory of this magical moment, one that they could preserve forever.

Besides, if his parents didn’t get a photo, they would probably murder him. Mom, at least. So would Sheena, with Zelos’ snickering as an accompaniment to the crime. He wouldn’t live to see another day once he got back home.

"Of course," she replied. And he hoped the picture would be able to capture her bright smile, that which was most precious to him.

~~~

The picture they took would become a cherished memento, to be displayed on their nightstand forever - Colette pressing a kiss to his cheek, even as she gave him bunny ears, both of their faces lit up with large smiles.

~~~

Next chapter

[dustedmagazine]

Listed: Lanterna

Photo by Theo Merritt (c) 2021

Lanterna is the ambient shoegaze project of Champaign, Illinois veteran Henry Frayne, who, in the 1980s, played with midwestern bands including The Syndicate, ¡Ack-Ack!, Area, and The Moon Seven Times. In her review of Frayne’s seventh album as Lanterna, Hidden Drives, Jennifer Kelly noted that, “It hits a sweet spot in the overlap between ambient meditation and propulsive groove.” Here are some of the songs and artists that inspire Frayne.

The Past Seven Days — “Rain Dance”

I joined a Champaign band called ¡Ack-Ack! in 1984 and in addition to learning about group composition I gained access to their mix tape library and LP collection. One song on a mixtape was “Rain Dance,” a curiously long song for a 7" from a band that only released one 7".

A song with a guitar part that is almost all harmonics is stunning. Also, the dark and unsettling drones that hover at the edge of the sonic space (with indistinct voices and the insistent beat.) I’m not sure how many other guitarists it inspired but I have to say I did eventually end up recording a song using only harmonics. After all these years I am hearing the slow fadeout for the first time and those rather discordant notes at the very end.

Tubeway Army — “Me! I Disconnect From You”

My father always returned home from his travels with an LP for me from the places he had visited. In April of 1979 he and my mom were coming back from Europe and meeting me at my grandparents’ house in Riverside, NJ. I had been listening to a newly acquired copy of The Yes Album on an old console turntable when my father pulled out a copy of Tubeway Army’s Replicas from his luggage. He’d walked into a record shop in London before flying home and asked, “What's hot this week?”

One might wonder how this influential piece of vinyl affected me. How many copies of Replicas were in the US at that time? Did I start my own dystopian synth band in the garage when arriving in Maine that summer? Did I flee to the relative comfort of my progressive rock albums (where ironically the Minimoog had been in common use for some years!)? The answer is that Tubeway Army’s Replicas still sounds as mysterious as it did in the parlor of my grandparents’ house all those years ago.

StarCastle — “True To The Light”

My brother’s high school newspaper interviewed the resident local progressive rock band StarCastle in January of 1977 (at the local Champaign Pizza Hut on the U of I campus). My brother brought home the brand new Fountains of Light and I proceeded to put on Side 2 and was met with the heavenly flanged/chorused vocals of StarCastle’s “True To The Light.”

StarCastle were mostly local lads. Three of the members had graduated from my high school a few years before. They were signed to Epic Records at the time and recorded with Roy Thomas Baker (for two albums in one year). A friend delivered papers to their band house and hung out with them when they weren’t touring which was always! It was only in recently years that I’ve realized just how much StarCastle toured. They played with practically every band that passed through the Midwest and beyond in the mid-1970s.And it being the 1970s they thought nothing of releasing two RTB produced albums in the calendar year of 1977!

The StarCastle experience taught me that music on LP records can come from people who live in small towns just down the street from where one was playing Little League baseball.

The Chameleons — “On The Beach”

A blur of sound! It is still hard for me to believe that these songs were recorded in a conventional studio and not just sounds echoing through the glens captured by a bird watcher with a tape recorder in the Peak District.

Giles, Giles & Fripp feat. Judy Dyble — “I Talk To The Wind”

From reading about The Brondesbury Tapes it is apparent that they were recorded on a Revox reel to reel machine with the sound-on-sound function which allowed one to add a new part to an existing track (a function which could be repeated a number of times). This yielded a mono master, but it is in fact composed of multiple performances.

Before acquiring a Tascam 4-track I created songs using a Revox A77. As well as being able to create my first tape echo effects on the A77 it taught me a lot about mixing instrument parts together. It is fun to imagine the folks in Brondesbury Road going through the same process as I did to make this recording of “I Talk To The Wind.”

Blitz — “For You”

Another album borrowed from a member of ¡Ack-Ack!. It was the era of lightly chorused guitar and bass. I’ve always been in awe of the glassy sounding guitars on this track, and puzzled by the haltingly uncertain guitar solo near the end. One can feel the legendary ambience of Strawberry North throughout this track.

The Vertebrats — “Left In The Dark”

Sophomore year at Champaign Central High School a classmate started playing in a group called The Vertebrats. In December of 1979 I was in the audience in the chapel at the Red Herring Coffeehouse in Urbana, Illinois to see one of their earliest shows. The chapel would always sport a very reverberant sound but with vocals, two guitars (one a Fender Mustang favoring the treble pickup), drums, and bass it was an awesome experience. For one, there was someone I knew making this ruckus, in addition to the songs and particularly “Left In The Dark” being instant classics. I’d started seeing rock shows at the local arena the year before but never up close with the band playing at floor level. I had a handheld Sony tape recorder on loan during that time but sadly didn’t take it along to this legendary show.

The Beatles — “Only A Northern Song”

In June of 1974, following afternoon showings of The Seven Samurai, and Modern Times at the University of Illinois, my father and I did our usual rounds to the local new and used record emporiums. Record shops proper, but also The Salvation Army. It was here amongst the discarded shirts, slacks, pots, and pans that I spied the distinctive artwork of the Yellow Submarine soundtrack album. I’d seen the film a few years before when it was first in the theaters, and still had the songs buzzing in my head. Being able to listen to songs from a film at home was a new concept which I was willing to dive into. The band was most certainly not quite right but that was okay with me!

The Wild Flowers — “The Promised Land”

A purchase at Champaign’s Record Swap (still around, now in Urbana at Lincoln Square!) in the Fall of 1984. As was the case with The Sound’s Heads and Hearts, The Quaker would hand me an album from behind the counter and it would go on to influence me for years to come. My favorite guitar, bass, synth, and drum sounds of all time!

Yardbirds w/ Jimmy Page & Jeff Beck — Blow Up (1966)

With a father who taught film studies at the University of Illinois, it fell to him to once in a while check incoming acquisitions to the 16mm film library there. I’m sure that I didn’t see ALL of Antonioni’s Blow Up but I'm sure I bestirred myself from doing my grade school homework when the opening howl of “Stroll On” tore through the Frayne household one summer’s eve.

At the time I had no way of knowing that the chap on stage right was the very same guitarist playing some wicked (heavenly?) acoustic and electric guitar (including a Fender Electric XII) on a certain tune that WLS would be playing every hour on the hour for the next several years.

[annalyticall]

Anime Newbie in her Twenties Ranks her First 10 Anime

With the recommendations of my sister @ging-ler​ and friends, I started watching anime just over a year ago and within that time I’ve watched a total of 10 - some clocking in at almost 200 episodes and some with only 12. I told myself a while ago that once I had finished 10 anime shows I would rank them like some Anime Newbie WatchMojo list, so, here we are. Really this is just an excuse to force more of my unwarranted opinions onto unwilling followers.

I should also preface this by saying I don’t think any of the anime I watched this year was bad, and I enjoyed a lot about every show even if I ranked some low. However, the top three anime on my list are the ones I would recommend to anyone following me even if they don’t watch anime.

10. Death Note

Despite absolutely loathing the “protagonist” since episode one, I really enjoyed the first half of Death Note! The story was intriguing with all of its wild twist and turns and I found myself immediately invested in what was going to happen next. Unfortunately, after the death of who I thought was by far the best character, the show seems to go off the rails as it introduces new characters and contrived plot devices in the second half that were frankly hard for me to care about at that point. The ending was satisfying but I forced myself to sit through a lot of painful meandering to get there.

9. Cowboy Bebop

Cowboy Bebop was the first anime I watched as suggested to me by @mcsherrybr​. The smooth and jazzy art, atmosphere, animation, action, and music were all a lot of fun, as were the lovable ragtag group of misfits that made up the main cast. I enjoyed myself a lot while watching this western/sci-fi melding pot of a show, and I only ranked it so low because the last few episodes were a huge disappointment to my found-family-trope-loving heart.

8. Violet Evergarden

Violet Evergarden, following the story of a child soldier learning to love, is absolutely beautiful to look at and listen to. The music in this anime is, for me, THE best music from any show on this list. This is also the only anime that made me sob several times while watching it. The collection of short episodic stories that explore the deep facets of human love and connection are incredibly resonant and will stay with me for a long time. However, the strength of the small story arcs made the rushed overarching war story and finale weaker in comparison. Similarly, the memorable characters introduced in the one-off side plots were more interesting to me than the cast of rather bland reoccurring supporting characters. While I will remember a lot of great individual moments, I can’t seem to remember a single character’s name besides Violet’s, but that might also be due to being one of the shorter entries at only 12 episodes.

7. Hunter x Hunter (2011)

Going from one of the shortest anime on this list to the longest, Hunter x Hunter was an great and engrossing story during the entirety of its 160+ episodes. It’s colorful and playful, but can also be very dark and at times even heart-wrenching. Because it contains so many distinct arcs, there is a wide variety characters and stories to get attached to, and some, like the Chimera Ant Arc, I even cried over. But this also left me with issues regarding the pacing. The show has great action and introspective moments but will often drag with long drawn-out pauses between fights to explain simple concepts (though I understand that’s a common trope in old shonen anime in general). The world-building is rich but also caught me off guard with some strange ideas, and admittedly not all of them I liked. Some eccentric characters and concepts rubbed me the wrong way and ended up hindering my enjoyment of the show. Overall though, it was a lot of fun and I left with a few more endearing favorite characters, like Leorio and Killua.

6. Erased

Also a 12 episode anime, Erased was amazingly impactful for how short it was. Even as I followed the unfolding murder mystery, I was also touched by the meaningful themes and kind-hearted characters I met along the way. The already-strong story is accentuated with great symbolism, art, and music. The only problem I had was with the mystery itself; I was able to tell who the true killer was within the first 4 episodes, which didn’t lend itself well to suspense and I spent the remaining episodes frustrated that the main characters couldn’t see some obvious clues.This is a minor problem, though, since the finale has less to do with mystery and more about the morals and resolution of themes that I felt was satisfying.

5. Demon Slayer

Demon Slayer is gorgeous. The stunning art style, fluid animation, and breath-taking music are all valid reasons to watch it, but the main character Tanjiro and his unwavering devotion to find a cure for his sister-turned-demon Nezuko are the reasons to stay. Tanjiro is unbelievably gentle as he shows even the evil demons he has to slay a hard-fought kindness, and it’s those tender moments between all of the amazing action sequences that really elevate this show for me. The issues I have lie with the rest of the cast. While I love some supporting characters, like the pig-headed Inosuke and the stoic Giyuu, others have very niche personalities that can get annoying if they’re on screen for too long, which they definitely tend to be. Still, the bond between Tanjiro and Nezuko is so strong that it gets me through even those dragging scenes.

And it’s written by a woman!

4. My Hero Academia

Hey so this might come as a shock for anyone who’s followed me for a while: My Hero Academia is not my favorite anime! I do love it a lot - it’s the only anime on this list that has inspired me to read the manga, write fic, and buy merch. There are so many lovable characters and exciting arcs in this show that there is bound to be something for everyone to enjoy, both inside and outside of canon. It’s a wonderfully paced and animated deconstruction of the superhero genre and besides its deeper themes and commentary, there’s also just a lot of endearing teenage goofin’ to be had, and the show balances the tone of these two almost-equally engaging aspects of the story fairly well.

The downside, for me, is the show’s sexualization of female characters, especially the teenagers. With the likes of pervy fellow classmate Mineta, it’s a flaw that’s hard to avoid and takes up an unfortunate amount of screen time. There are in-universe characters that protest against this behavior, and the female characters are still well-written for the most part, but that doesn’t make up for the canon material including it at all. It’s not a huge part of the show but it’s present enough that it really knocks the ranking down for me.

3. Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood

Out of my top 5, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood is the only one that is complete. Because of that, I can tentatively say that so far, it is the best completed story on this list. From beginning to end, the pacing was perfect - the action never dragged, the characters were never unnecessary, and the plot twists were never unearned. I found myself more invested than I thought I would ever be for the large cast of characters, and everything, including its ending, was satisfying to watch. The animation is fluid and lent itself well to the most impactful scenes, especially involving the flame alchemist Roy Mustang. It’s also written by a woman! Really, the only nitpicks I have were with tonal problems - serious moments would sometimes be ruined by too much slapstick or visual gags.

As I mentioned before, my Top 3 are shows I would recommend to anyone who’s unfamiliar with anime simply because they’re good solid stories with almost no distracting anime tropes. This is a good place to start.

2. The Promised Neverland

The Promised Neverland is deceiving; on the surface it looks like a sweet show about a bunch of adorable kids playing together in the spacious green backyard of their quaint orphanage. Once you finish the first episode, however, you will quickly discover that there is definitely something more sinister lurking under the surface. This show is an expertly executed dark horror/thriller that always had me on the edge of my seat. The cute aesthetic never distracts from the suspense, in fact, it adds to the discomfort when the horrific visuals and expressions are contrasted against the character designs. I loved all of the characters, including the antagonist, who manages to be just as sympathetic as she is menacing. The sound design and music are also beautiful and adds so much to the rich atmosphere. I am definitely excited to see where this series will go!

1. Mob Psycho 100

ONE, the creator of Mob Psycho 100, said the single word he used for the concept for the series was “kindness”. Kindness shines through so much of this story following the life of Mob, a super-psychic kid that just wants to fit in, and I adore every second of it. While many shonen anime stories force the child protagonist to get stronger, become more powerful, and fight in battles against hostile adults, Mob Psycho 100 says “that’s stupid. Kids shouldn’t have to be traumatized by immature power-hungry adults. The only strength that anyone should pursue is strength of character, motivated by self-love and love for others.” And it says it with the most beautiful animation I have EVER seen in a show. The simplistic character designs mean the animators can have as much creative freedom as they like with expressions and movement, and they absolutely use that freedom. Humor is a large part of this mostly-comedy anime, but it makes the serious and introspective scenes so much more important when they do happen. The shifts between these two tones never feel awkward or imbalanced.

Mob Psycho 100 has inspired me to become more experimental and joy-seeking with my art, as well as just become a better person in my own life, which I can’t say for many other anime or many other pieces of media period. Even though a Season 3 hasn’t been officially announced yet, I can still safely say Mob Psycho 100 will forever hold a special place in my heart.

[gizkasparadise]

cdrama rec/review: le coup de foudre

KDRAMA AND CDRAMA MASTER LIST OF REVIEWS

Series: le coup de foudre / love at first sight / i don’t like this world, i only like you Episodes: 35 w/ a special Genres: then & now, slice of life, high school to adult life, romance, reunion/getting back together, working with the ex Spoilers in the Rec: for set-up/light ones for character backgrounds If You Like, You’ll Like: the reply series, sad-looking dogs that are loved very much, because this is my first life (VERY similar male lead), sibling love, my sunshine but if people were nicer and had significantly better hair, multiple couples that are all a lot of fun

Rank: 10/10

PREMISE

flashback to 6-8 years ago (because the OP here can’t remember lol): it’s desk selection day in qiao yi’s classroom! a very dramatic moment for all high schoolers, qia yi has to select who she sits next to. because she’s at the bottom of the class ranking, she gets last pick, which essentially narrows down her choices to that creepy kid who writes love poetry to every female student in the class and yan mo, the scary genius student who has placed 1st in their class since...forever.

taking a gamble, qiao yi goes with yan mo. yan mo eventually agrees to tutoring qiao yi outside of class and they become friends. then...friends? if you know what i mean. it’s very sweet and cute. only problem is that yan mo is both a genius and from a Family of Means, and so is already planning on attending cambridge (yeah, fucking cambridge) after graduation. not wanting to separate, yan mo asks qiao yi to come with him and she agrees to study hard so she can get accepted to a university in the UK, too.

but then, well, bad shit happened. 

qiao yi ended up staying in their home town, yan mo left for cambridge, and we got two v heartbroken teenagers on our hands.

4 years later, yan mo returns after studying in the uk, and by chance they end up bumping into each other. angry because qiao yi hurt him, yan mo puts up an ALOOF AND COLD AND I DONT CARE AT ALL front that she sadly buys. but after he leaves for the big city to pursue a business opportunity, qiao yi harnesses some amazing big dick energy to go after him, in a sort of inverse DONT LET HER GET ON THAT PLANE! move. very abba. 

the plot bounces between their (and their friends’) high school years, their lives as reunited adults, and their future lives as married folks. i love it very, very much.

MAIN CHARACTERS

zhao qiao yi

as a high schooler, qiao yi was a quiet girl with low self-esteem, who consistently ranked at the bottom of her class and was always attempting to retreat into her school tracksuit like a turtle. despite this, qiao yi has some solid friends and is always kind if somewhat shy or uncomfortable in certain situations. as a adult, qiao yi works as a television producer and is clearly more confident. 

she buys truly awful graphic t-shirts as thank you gifts that one feels obligated to wear. falls for scams easily. will help you fold 1000 paper stars for your boyfriend even if she hates your boyfriend because she’s ride or die like that. look at how cute she is no one is allowed to be mean to someone as cute as this.

yan mo / “frank”

if you liked se hee in because this is my first life, you’re in luck because here is a 10% angrier version. at first, yan mo seems cold, aloof, snobbish, pretentious, arrogant...

okay, but he’s ALSO got a lot of feelings and will help people out. well, at the start of the show, he’ll help two people out. but that expands to like 10. so, progress! in high school, he falls for qiao yi in the typical Cannot Spit It Out fashion, buying her sentimental cans of coke, PUTTING IN ONE EARBUD SO SHE CAN LISTEN TO THE BEATLES WITH HIM, feeling Weird about her tying his tie, and single-handedly ruining a for-profit afterschool tutoring business in about 30 seconds, because they weren’t teaching qiao yi anything, and he knew he could do it better. tbh he completely fucking destroys a lot of things and people in under a minute. #ruthless

he’s very protective of qiao yi and rather than explain it, here is a clip from the special episode where yan mo confronts another student who left a love confession meant for qiao yi in his desk by mistake (subtitles have to be selected under settings, but it’s subbed in english):

zhao guan chao

zhao qiao yi’s twin brother, who has always placed 2nd in their classes after yan mo. despite his high grades, he comes off as a laidback teen heartthrob and has a reputation for being a flake and a playboy. BUT he’s legit a chill dude and clearly popular for a reason--he gets along with (almost) everyone. he loves his sister and is extremely protective of her, especially since she’s so shy and has low self-esteem for Reasons That Will Be Explained in the Tragic Backstory. he’s such a good brother. the best brother. also looks out for qiao yi’s best friend, wu yi. understands the value of shoes.

hao wu yi

qiao yi’s best friend, and another classmate of The Crew. i say this with so, so much love, but she’s got a lot of chaotic dumbass energy. struggling along the bottom ranks with qiao yi during high school. she has the worst taste in men as a teenager, falling for the guy who literally bullied her in like. ep 2. thankfully she’s got qiao yi and guanchao.

the trio are close, and that doesn’t change as they grow up. wu yi ends up becoming a novelist who writes pop and steamy romance novels and has a significant teenage girl fanbase. it’s amazing. 

fei da chuan

my boy. another classmate, he, qiao yi, and wu yi make up the official Dumbass Trio of their high school class and have adorable adventures + solidarity in it. he’s also yan mo’s uncle. somehow. because rich people families are wild. while he’s got a place to live, he more often than not crashes at yan mo’s, who Does Not Like It. but da chuan does not notice or care. 

abrasive but 100% sincere about everything and toward everyone. people will think he’s an asshole or a gangster but then he’s secretly feeding abandoned kittens in the corner or something. as an adult, has the best business casual outfits. serves as a big brother figure to a lot of people, but qiao yi in particular. cannot, cannot fucking do math.

SUPPORTING

“alicia” / cheng youmei. an old family friend of yan mo’s who is very posh and rich and dignified. studied abroad with him at cambridge, and is cold toward qiao yi after arriving back in china. cosplays B)

teacher gao. everyone’s high school teacher who later owns a bar that seems to be there only for dispensing advice. seriously. there is no way this bar is economically sound as the only customers you ever see are gao’s students coming in one at a time for Wisdom and you never see them pay for anything. also the bar has no fucking roof and is directly above traintracks. i have hang-ups about this bar

lin shu. yan mo’s mother. very sweet and pretty and a ballernia turned program director. is almost never home but clearly loves her son. du chaun’s sister. somehow.

zhao suyin. qiao yi and guan chao’s mother. one of her kinks is roleplaying condor heroes characters? okay okay okay

tian weimin. qiao yi and guan chao’s stepfather who works as police officer. best dad award. he’s so sweet and corny and peak dad humor. he loves them kids & they love him back

grandpa. yan mo’s dog in high school. a very old basset hound with sad eyes:

dollar or d. i cant tell you anything about him, other than he used to be a stray and yan mo says he’s ugly, which, rude.

DRAWBACKS

plot...hm. there’s SOME plot, but this is about characters + romance + friendship + family. if you’re looking for scheming mothers-in-law or tragic car accidents or secret destinies this isn’t the one for you. similar in vibe to Reply 1988 (they even watch the show in the show :’D / make references to it)

OKAY SO every plot summary i’ve seen says that yan mo is in a relationship with someone else when he gets back to china. no he is not. i say this because it was a huge turn off for me/initially put me off watching the series. he is definitely a one-and-only type. there’s no cheating in this show. lmao, hell, neither of the mains are even interested in anyone else but each other

i liked du chuan and his love interest a lot, but they definitely didn’t get as much screen time as the others

while it’s clear qiao yi + yan mo are the mains, another couple gets a lot of screen time as well. this might be a skip if you don’t like multiple couples/secondary relationships in a show

i surprisingly enjoyed the high school storyline a lot more than the adult one? which is super weird for me, but idk i was sad when it was over because it was so cute.

some...weird technical decisions. every once in a while, the camera will have like a nostalgia filter and then it disappears and then the edges get a bit blurry and idk it feels very film school 101 to show that what’s on screen is a ~memory. the soundtrack/music is sometimes also too loud--to the point where it can drown out the actors (particularly janice wu in the high school arc, since qiao yi is soft-spoken)

REASONS TO WATCH

the lead actors (janice wu + zhang yujian) are legit two of my favorites and they have great/easy chemistry. all the actors are amazing. everyone’s loveable

SIBLING GOALS the zhao twins are amazing and they’re both each other’s biggest fans. gaunchao had some really heartwarming brother moments

i love love lmao. this spoke to a lot of my favorite dynamics: exes reunited/having to work together, childhood sweethearts reuniting as adults, “gangster” and princess, childhood friends turned lovers, bickering couples, cold man who actually has a lot of feelings, lots of people being overprotective, idk. everything was just great. 0 complaints on any of the ships.

i genuinely liked every character other than that one piece of shit poppa zhao. even alicia, who’s put into the stereotypical rich bitch role, was actually really fun and subverted a lot of expectations for this trope

it’s just. real cute y’all. probably my favorite cdrama and definitely in my top 10 (maybe 5?) dramas overall.

FINAL THOUGHTS

i love them ;;

[iya5rt]

Kalopsia Project [Bakugo Katsuki x Reader – Tokyo Ghoul AU]

Chapter 5 – It’s Called a Second Chance, not a Guarantee

Chapter Summary: Catching up with old friends, yet another day at school, and an unexpected ending to a seemingly mundane day.

Kalopsia Project Masterpost

“That’s so wild!! I can’t believe it’s really you, [F/N]-chan! It’s been forever – you look so different!” Ashido exclaimed, having long jumped up from her chair and thrown her arms around you. Middle School friendships really were something else, huh? You hugged her back, giving Kirishima a grateful smile when he noticed Ashido’s strong grip was giving you trouble with holding the tray, and took it from your hand.

“I’ve changed? It’s not me who’s died her hair pink!? It looks so good on you though, oh my gosh!” you giggled with her, moving in to give Kirishima a hug too. When your eyes swept to the other two occupying the table with them, he spoke up.

“Oh, those are Kaminari and Sero! You don’t know them since we only met in high-school but we’ve been hanging out a lot with them since!” he pointed out. You could only assume the blond with a black lightning-shaped streak in his hair was Kaminari (it did, after all, match the meaning of his name), while the black-head, who seemed to be the most regular-looking out of the bunch, was most likely Sero.

The two flashed you a grin with a small wave, and you smiled back at them.

“[L/N] [F/N], though you can just call me [F/N]! It’s nice to meet you! I used to be those two’s classmate in middle-school, though we’ve kinda lost touch since!” You motioned towards Kirishima and Ashido. You heard someone clear their throat, and glanced towards the counter, only to find Bakugo looking at you expectedly. You returned a nervous smile and a thumbs-up.

“Say, how about this? Lemme take your order and do my job, then we can perhaps catch up for a little bit?” You glanced around at the mostly empty cafe. The group of four agreed and you quickly jotted down a few more things, before returning to Midoriya, who also seemed to be constantly glancing up from the coffee he was making.

Just as you opened your mouth however, he put up a hand.

“No need. They come pretty often and always order the same thing, so I have it memorized,” he smiled, tapping his forehead. You nodded wordlessly and watched him, as he went back to work. “So, you know them then?”

You nodded back and he hummed. His eyes then scanned around the cafe quickly, until they landed on Uraraka, as she walked in from outside with a tray of empty cups.

“Uraraka-san?” he called out, and she turned to look at him. “Do you mind taking over the rest of the customers?” She glanced at you, then at the only occupied table inside, noticing the four who seemed to be awaiting your return, and nodded.

“Sure, no problem!” she smiled at you, and was soon on her way yet again. Your eyes were already wide, as you turned to Midoriya.

“Thank you, I...” Though he only laughed.

“Oh, it’s fine. You can talk to them in peace now, don’t let Kacchan bother you. Here-” he put a beautifully decorated hot cocoa (he must have been learning from Todoroki, huh), an iced tea, and a small box of macarons on your tray. “The rest will be ready in a bit but I’ll bring them over, don’t worry about it.”

With one final nod, you set off towards the group. You did briefly wonder if Midoriya also worked as a waiter occasionally. In turn, you began to picture Bakugo as one too. You had to force your laughs down though, lest you would have spilled the drinks.

The next hour or so had been spent catching up on the last 4 years with the two you hadn’t seen or talked with in forever, and getting to know the two you’d never met before. Stories were exchanged about how everyone had first met, how Mina seemed to always be responsible for the group getting into trouble, how everyone had been trying to convince Sero to dye his hair to match the rest of them (turns out – only the streak in Kaminari’s hair was unnatural, as he really was a blond, much like Bakugo). The topic of how you had come to work at Yuuei (and how they hadn’t seen you prior to today, despite being regulars, as confirmed by Midoriya himself) came up once or twice, and you had to lie about just needing a part-time job.

Well, it’s not like you were necessarily lying. Just… omitting some of the truth. Though you were pretty sure this was in everybody’s best interest.

The darkness had already befallen the city, as it was also time for Yuuei to close up shop for the day. Despite Ashido’s nonsensical protests, the four had to leave. They promised they’d be back very soon anyway, so you would have had plenty more time to talk, and perhaps hang out a little later.

“Say, how about this?” Kirishima spoke, just before you closed the door behind him. “We’re going to the arcade tomorrow, since Ashido says she wants to play some games.” The girl exclaimed something about “shooting zombies to death”, though she was a bit too far and her voice came muffled. “Wanna come with us?”

You really wanted to accept but reasoned with yourself. Your shoulder hadn’t healed. You still had the duty of working at Yuuei. And, unfortunately…

“I have class tomorrow...” Your face fell. Kirishima only shrugged.

“It’s cool! We’ll just take you with us next time, yeah? Goodnight, [F/N]-chan! See you soon!” he waved goodbye and headed down the street alongside the other three. You bid them a goodbye for now too, giggling when Ashido’s insistence on walking backwards until you were out of sight had her running into a street lamp on accident. Soon enough, they had turned a corner somewhere in the distance, and you finally closed the door, turning the sign to say ‘Closed’.

The thought of how you’d just slacked off the whole day crossed your mind. Needless to say, Bakugo hadn’t been all too pleased with this…

That night, the short segments from your dream that you could still recall even in the morning brought you joy. They were full of happiness, and smiles, and laughs, and friends.

Your life had taken a sharp but seemingly brief detour into the dangerous and extraordinary. Maybe things were finally going back to normal. Maybe there would have been nothing more for you to worry about.

…

Maybe.

***

The following day, you had found Bakugo waiting for you outside Yuuei in the morning. At your initial surprise he had mumbled that the place was on his way and he knew you were probably going to class today anyway. If anything, you were most surprised by his regular attendance. You had first taken him as the delinquent type, not the type with a perfect attendance score that showed up 20 minutes early to anything. Then again, three years together in high-school had proved you wrong a long time ago.

All throughout, you had taken notice of his sluggish and unfitting movements. He had almost bumped into a sign, crossed at a red light, and fallen face-first on the ground in just the span of 20 minutes. Something was not right. And though it bothered you at first, it didn’t take long for you to figure it out.

“Hey, Bakugo-kun? You alright?” He glanced at you, but his half-lidded eyes returned to his feet before you knew it.

“Nothin’,” he muttered, ushering you to hurry up. At this rate, he might as well have stumbled another two times. So he refused to tell you. How foolish of him to think you wouldn’t notice. Your parents did use to be ghoul investigators, after all.

You were trained in the art of observing ghouls, even if that wasn’t exactly something you could brag about at a sleepover. Or anywhere else, for that matter. Unless you were actually set on becoming an investigator yourself which, considering your recent circumstances, teetered the line between a suicidal mission and a genius calling.

“Is that so...” you grinned and sharply spun around, blocking his path. You probably looked like children goofing around to anyone passing by.  “I would say that you’re probably hungry!” He stiffened in place, but tried to give himself a skeptical look. You didn’t even let him retort anything back though. “After all, I haven’t seen you really go out ever since Friday, and who knows how long it has been since you last fed. Am I right?” you inquired, noticing he refused to look at you anymore.

“That’s not it. Even if it is, what do you care?”

You hummed and moved out of his way, returning to walking absentmindedly beside him. His pace was much easier to match with how much slower his stride was compared to usual.

“It’s alright. I’d say I get what you mean but I obviously don’t. I’m not really scared of you though, if that’s what you’re worried about!”

Bakugo raised a brow.

“Yeah? You didn’t learn anything from the first guy that tried to eat you?”

“Not a thing!” you grinned, playfully bumping into his shoulder, before running on ahead to avoid the oncoming wrath. Not that he could manage much “wrath” in his current state anyway.

***

You were quickly falling back into the mundane rhythm you were used to. After a shared class with Bakugo first thing after your arrival, you had to temporarily part ways. By the time you were ready to head back to Yuuei, the sky was already dimming and any moment now the street lights were likely going to spring to life and illuminate the darkening streets.

People were walking about, all ready to go home and retire for the day. Ah, how great some rest sounded right about now…

However, instead of the grumpy yet surprisingly mellow for today ash blond, who had offhandedly mentioned he would wait for you to return to Yuuei together, a freckled boy with messy green hair stood beside the entrance and kept glancing back and forth between his phone and the halls.

“Midoriya-kun?” You approached the familiar face. “Didn’t think I’d find you here,” you smiled. His face too lit up when he spotted you and he put away his phone.

“There you are. Kacchan-” he stopped when he noticed your scrunched brows, realizing the nickname had likely confused you. And here he was, thinking you were already used to it. “Bakugo – I mean, Bakugo – said he couldn’t make it, so I swung by to pick you up. It’s getting late and we don’t want you getting hurt again!”

Perhaps you should have been more surprised but even from the short time you’d known him, Midoriya had always sounded like such a sincere person. So did he really care for your well-being so much?

“I- thank you! There really was no need though!” You waved your hands. “I can get there by myself, no need to trouble yourself like that!” Midoriya however only shook his head, motioning for the two of you to head out, as he spoke.

“Oh, it’s fine, really. I was in the area anyway. And hey – everyone seems to have taken a liking to you! We just wanna make sure you’re alright.”

You tried to hide the blush that spread to your cheeks.

Less than an hour later, Midoriya dropped you off at Yuuei, though he mentioned he had some other business to take care of and, heading out again, this time with Aizawa in tow, left you at the cafe. You weren’t scheduled to work today, so you took to helping out here and there with preparing the occasional orders (you still weren’t allowed to even touch the coffee as per Bakugo’s orders but hey, anyone could go and fetch a bottle of juice, right?), and washing some dishes.

Closing time came and went, and you did your best to strike up the occasional small conversations with the handful of fellow workers at Yuuei. You didn’t really know most of them and, as it turned out, you hadn’t even met some until today. The atmosphere was a little awkward but you at least felt at ease. None of them were acting hostile or disapproving of you. Which was a great start.

One of those same new acquaintances called you over to one of the tables to help her carry over the many leftover glasses from a particularly large group of middle-schoolers. You cringed upon remembering how loud they had been. Not that you wanted to turn down any customers, but you were more than happy they weren’t piercing your eardrums any longer.

Complying, you brought over a bigger tray and moved as many glasses as you could fit (and physically still carry) onto it. As you were about to turn around however, you noticed the girl’s head perk up, as if she was sniffing around for something.

Oh, does she have a strong sense of smell like Bakugo-kun? Does that mean Midoriya-kun and Aizawa-san are back?

Someone stormed past outside, though the blinds were closed so only their silhouette was actually visible, and stopped at the door.

Not long after, it was roughly opened, making the small bell chime to warn everyone inside of the new “customer”. Of course, that proved to be unnecessary, as all eyes were already glued to where the figure was going to emerge from any moment now. It was already so late, the place was closed, and that could only mean one thing – it was one of Yuuei’s “special customers”.

Meaning, this was a ghoul that was either too weak or afraid to hunt their own food, so they came to Aizawa, who provided them with what they needed.

You half-considered hiding in a back room to avoid being seen. It should have been okay though. You were going to have to meet all those special customers sooner or later anyway.

As the door opened, a faint mumbling came from outside.

“I can’t believe them. Curse them. Curse both of them, that human and that goddamn ghoul. To think I’d have to stoop this low. Me? This is ridiculous.”

A pair of sunken eyes with unhealthy eye bags scanned around the room. He was keeping his head low, as if ashamed to be seen, yet looking for help. His hair was messy, clothes dirty and skin covered in cuts and bruises. His movements were slow, reminding you of how Bakugo had been acting all morning.

But as his eyes darted anywhere and everywhere, they finally landed on you. At first, he had no plans of sparing you even a second glance – perhaps it wasn’t you he had been looking for.

But they lingered for just a second. And then that second became longer. You stared back. Suddenly, your heart all but stopped.

A pair of light blue eyes. Deep, yet lost and distraught. Almost like he was there but simultaneously wasn’t. His face had once used to be soft and his mouth hadn’t formed anything other than a smile for a while after you had first met him.

But it had been a smile that didn’t quite reach those distant eyes of his.

That’s what you once thought.

The tray dropped and the glasses shattered to countless pieces on the ground.

Your eyes widened, the breath hitching in your throat. You took a step back, only to be met with the cold wall.

Shit.

Shit.

SHIT.

In an instant, a pair of cold hands wrapped tightly around your throat. Suddenly it wasn’t the breath hitching in your throat that was the biggest problem. It was its inability to even reach there in the first place. He leaned closer to you, baring a crooked sneer.

“Who would’ve thought,” he said in a low voice, though every word dripped with hate and a morbid satisfaction. “To run into you here of all places.”

His grip loosened just enough for you to open one teary eye. He wanted you to see how happy he was. How overjoyed he was at this chance presenting itself to him just like that.

“Everything. Everything that has happened to me. It is all your fault.” His eyes changed. The blue hues were replaced by the familiar black and red. Just like last time. “And I don’t let people who wrong me go unpunished.”

No.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

Was this what your second chance was going to come down to?

You were faced with him. He was going to kill you.

Monoma was here to put an end to your life once more.

But perhaps this time you weren’t going to be quite as lucky.

***

[CLASSIFIED INFORMATION]

Protocol K78152112

Subject #24

Real Name: N/A

Background: CCG Investigator mortally wounded in battle; officially classified as dead on arrival.

Results: Numerous mutations; change in size; loss of rational thought.

The subject’s skin hardened as desired, though it led to difficulty in moving. Subject was still responsive, but quickly deteriorated.

(scribbled in pen) This guy stayed pretty obedient. Should try and figure out how to replicate that.

***

Author’s Note: Haha, I feel like a mess. Anyway, hope that cliffhanger has you on edge! Come to think about it, if you consider the arcs of Tokyo Ghoul, maybe this scene wasn’t nearly as surprising, what with it somewhat mirroring Nishiki’s second encounter with Kaneki (when he was with Hide aka the most precious bean in this entire world-)

I digress. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! I would say some of the plot’s picking up next week, so please look forward to it! Thank you so much for reading, please drop your thoughts and predictions in the comments, and I’ll see you again next week! Bye~

(Psst, @afuckingunicornn  @creativedogs  @chims-kookies  - thank you for the support and here is yet another part!)

[plusultrabitchez]

I Will Run To You Chapter 1: UA Sports Festival

Shinsou's POV "It's time for the next match! Shoto Todoroki vs. (Y/N) Kubo!"

Midnight's voice rang through the stadium. Hitoshi perked when he heard her name. It was the Semifinals. Whoever won this match would continue to on to fight that asshole Bakugou kid. He was glad the crowd didn't boo her this time. During her first match, some asshole in the crowd threw stuff at her and called her "Villain Spawn" and soon after a lot of the crowd joined in and started booing her. Luckily Aizawa got on the stadium mic and defended her and called out the asshole that started it all. It made him sad how she reacted. No surprise, just acceptance, like she expected it to happen.

Kubo had won her previous matches easily and quickly. He wondered how she would fair against Todoroki since he was a big stand out in the festival so far.

"Ready? BEGIN!" . . "Holy shit!" Hitoshi muttered under his breath as Kubo effortlessly shattered an ice attack from Todoroki. "I had no idea she was this powerful." He thought. Whenever Todoroki sent out a huge blast of Ice Kubo would deflect it and throw a blast of pure energy his way. The entire stadium was on the edge of their seats.

The match was brutal and had been going on for almost 15 minutes. Hitoshi could tell the teachers were about to step in since both of you were in pretty bad shape. Earlier in the match, Kubo had dislocated her left shoulder, but before the teachers could step in she had popped it back into place and screamed: "Is that all you got?!" She was a legit badass and Hitoshi was really starting to admire her tenacity.

Kubo and Todoroki were on opposite sides of the battleground and started running at each other full force. Todoroki starting on a huge ice wall and Kubo generating a giant force field. Cementoss quickly created a wall between the two of them causing Todoroki to pull back, but Kubo didn't slow down.

She demolished the cement wall, the ice wall and forced Todoroki out of bounds in one fell swoop. She landed in front of Todoroki's unconscious body, the camera showed her on the giant screen. She was covered in cuts and bruises, but she still had a victorious smile. She went to take a step forward but her leg snapped and she screamed in pain as she collapsed to the ground which made his heart skip a beat.

The teachers rushed up to the two of them along with the medical team. There was some deliberation between them, then Midnight's voice came over the stadium speaker.

"Todoroki was forced out of bounds. However, Kubo's injuries are too severe for her to compete. Therefore Todoroki will move on to the next round!"

"What?!" Hitoshi stood up and clenched his fists. "That's bullshit! She beat him fair and square!" He couldn't believe the crowd was cheering. And he knew it was just because she had villain parents. If she had hero parents or even just regular parents she would be more popular than Bakugou and Todoroki combined. "I only met this girl a few hours ago. Why the hell do I care so much?" He thought to himself as he watched her unconscious body be taken off the field. "Should I go check on her? Would that be weird?" Hitoshi's thoughts were all over the place. He stared off into space and let his internal debate rage on. "Fuck it." He said and headed to Recovery Girl's Office. . . ~Your POV~ "This is such bullshit!" You sat on one of the beds in Recovery Girl's office while your dad Kaito and Aizawa tried to calm you down. "So just because I snapped my leg in half I can't compete?!" "Kubo, listen to what you're saying." Aizawa said. "You're in no condition to-" You cut him off. "I've had way worse and was able to fight then!" You looked to your dad who looked at you sadly. "(Y/N) you had no choice then. Trust me, this isn't because we don't believe you can, we just want to put your health first."

Tears of frustration welled up in your eyes. "You both know that I have to work 10x harder than anyone at this school because of who my parents are." You choked back a sob. "This was supposed to be my shot."

Kaito sat on the bed next to you and held you close while you cried. "You'll have another shot. This isn't the end."

After about an hour of Recovery Girl working her magic, your leg was pretty much healed. You had managed to stop crying and calm down a bit. You were still frustrated, but you understood the teachers were just trying to look out for you.

"You'll need to go easy for the next week and make sure to elevate at night." She told you while she patted your knee. You smiled at her. "I will. Thanks for fixing me up. Sorry for all the yelling earlier. I was upset and my adrenaline was pumping." She waved her hand. "It's quite alright dear." She smirked and leaned in. "I thought it was bullshit too." Her comment made you giggle. "Alright, get out! I'm sure I'll have more patients to deal with soon."

You stood up and hobbled out the door. "Hey." You heard a deep voice. You looked over and saw Shinsou. "Oh, hey. What are doing here?" You asked limping over to him. "Did Midoriya fuck you up or something?" He chuckled. "No no, I'm fine." He gulped and rubbed the back of his neck. "I uh, your fight was pretty intense so I just wanted to see if..." He looked at the floor in efforts to hide the pink painting his cheeks. "...just wanted to see, if you're okay."

You felt pink paint your own cheeks and gave him a soft smile. "Yeah uh, nothing she couldn't handle." You said gesturing at Recovery Girl's Office.

"It was a pretty bullshit call that they made. You won fair and square. They should've let you fight." Shinsou said looking up at you.

You smiled as your stomach did a backflip. "Thanks, Shinsou. I mean, in their defense my leg snapped pretty bad."

Shinsou looked at your leg with a concerned look. "Does it hurt?"

You waved your hand nonchalantly. "Meh, I've had worse. No biggie."

"She's had worse than a snapped in half leg?" He wanted to ask more about what you meant but decided not to press the subject.

"You know you're a really good fighter." Shinsou said breaking the silence.

"Oh, thanks! Lots of practice." You said fidgeting with the hem of your shirt. "Why the fuck am I so nervous?"

"I could teach you if you want." You blurted out.

Shinsou looked surprised. "Umm..."

"Oh fuck, now I insulted him. God (Y/N) you idiot he probably is already learning and why the hell would he want to learn from a fellow student let alone you of all people."  Your mind was going nuts.

"Uh sorry, I didn't mean to insult you. I'm sure you already-I mean, I'm sure you have someone- I uh...I'm gonna go." You started to limp away as you tried not to die of embarrassment.

"Kubo wait..." Shinsou reached out and grabbed your hand to stop you from walking away. His touch sent sparks through your body. He wasn't as built as your other male classmates, but he had strong hands. "That would be awesome actually."

His words made you perk up. "Really?"

He chuckled. "Yeah I mean, it was kind of obvious in my match with Midoriya that fighting isn't my strong suit."

"Well, I thought you did fine." You smiled sweetly at him. "Midoriya is a hell of a wild card. I never know how fights will go with him."

Your words made Shinsou feel a bit better about his match. "Well, if I want to get into the hero course I obviously need to know how to fight effectively."

"It'll be easy! I can totally teach you! I've been training since I was 4 so I have a lot more experience than the other first years and I can teach you everything I know."

Shinsou smiled. "Thanks Kubo, that's really nice of you." He realized he was still holding your hand and quickly let go and shoved his hands in his pockets hoping he wasn't blushing too hard.

"Sure! Anything I can do to help." You said and gave him a thumbs up. "We can start meeting up after school next week. I'm sure I can convince the school to let us use the gym."

"Oh wow, so soon?" Shinsou gulped.

You looked concerned. "Is that okay? If you're busy that's totally fine! Just let me know when you're available to start."

Shinsou relaxed a little bit. "Yeah, that sounds good."

You smiled and your stomach growled loudly causing you to blush, but Shinsou laughed. "Do you want to get some food?"

"Oh my god yes please, I starving."

~Shinsou's POV~

After hitting up some of the food booths just outside the stadium and getting a ton of Gyoza and Dango, the two of you headed back up to sit with your classes and watch the final match. The two of you had somehow gotten onto the topic of horror movies and she was gushing about her favorites. He was liking this girl more and more. She was a total badass, sweet, smart, she loved horror movies, and was completely stunning. He was having to make a conscious effort not to stare at her and come off as a fucking creep.

"Oh my god I may love her." Shinsou thought to himself as he listened to her gush about Silence of the Lambs. While the two of them discussed Hannibal Lecter, a cute round-faced girl with brown hair came up to them.

"Hey, Uraraka." Kubo said with a smile. "What's up?"

"I just wanted to check on you since you've been gone for a while. I was worried."

Kubo seemed genuinely surprised by this which made Shinsou a little sad. How could someone so great not have a million friends?

"Oh, thanks Uraraka. That's so sweet of you. Yeah, I'm fine, I was just grabbing some food with Shinsou here."

His heart leaped when she said his name.

"Oh yeah! You fought Deku! That match was great! Your quirk is so cool!" Uraraka said and held out her hand. "It's so nice to meet you!"

Shinsou shook her hand and noticed the pads on her fingertips. "Toe beans..." he muttered.

"Oh fuck!" Kubo grabbed Uraraka's other hand and looked examined it. "Oh my god, you DO have little toe beans! Awwwww."

Uraraka went wide-eyed. "But... they're on my hands. Are you saying my fingers look like toes?"

"No!" Shinsou and Kubo yelled in unison. "You just have cute little pads like cats do. It's adorable!" Kubo said and gave her a reassuring smile. God, that smile. Shinsou wanted to see it every day.

"Okaaaay, well the final match is about to start, Midoriya and I saved you a seat up front." Uraraka smiled.

"Aw thank you." Kubo turned to face him. "Let me know when you want to train?"

"Yeah definitely will! I'll see you around school." Shinsou said rubbing the back of his neck.

"Great! Oh and Shinsou?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for the food and for checking on me. That was really nice of you." She gave him a soft smile that made his heart melt.

"It's no problem. I'm glad I got to meet you today."

Kubo giggled. "Me too."

Shinsou smiled as he watched Kubo and Uraraka made their way to the class 1A viewing box. He walked into his own class's viewing box and sat down next to one of his friends.

"Dude you were gone a while, you okay?"

"Yeah, I was just checking up on Kubo." He said leaning back into his seat.

Another one of his classmates scoffed. "I'm sure princess is fine."

Shinsou rolled his eyes. "She's the farthest thing from a 'princess'."

"How would you know? You only met her a few hours ago."

They had a point, but Shinsou felt it in his bones that she was more complex than just a pretty girl in the hero course. "There's just...so much more to her."

[peachylixir]

My EraserMicWeek2019 Fic Masterpost

I had a blast participating in EMWeek this year!! It was so wonderful seeing such a steady stream of everyone else’s content, as well as getting to share a few short fics with you all. I’ve been posting these on Twitter (feel free to follow me since I’m more active there) but here’s a neat post with links to all my fics on AO3 in one place.

Check them out below the cut! 

Day 1 - reminiscence/memories/recollection

The One That (Almost) Got Away | G | ~1300 words  In high school, Yamada and Aizawa had been teetering on the edge of something special, both too afraid to make the first move. Years later, when Yamada bumps into Aizawa at a coffeeshop, he reminisces on what could have been and just maybe... what could be.

Day 2 - yearning/aching/pining

My Handsome Academia | G | 3000 words 

In his efforts to exercise his voice, Hizashi dabbled in a bit of voice acting and landed a role in a small otome game. When Shouta agreed to play the game in a show of support for his best friend, he didn't quite know what he was getting himself into.

Maybe playing a game where his crush voiced his literal love interest wasn’t the best idea, but Shouta wasn’t about to turn back now.

Day 3 - surprise/unexpected/revelation

Say It Again | M | 2100 words

In which Shouta throws a wrench in Hizashi's carefully thought out life plans, but Hizashi doesn't mind one bit.

Day 4 - opportunity/chance/risk

Confessions and Cloudy Skies | G | 2600 words

“Oooh, are you a romantic, Yamada?” she cooed. “You want someone to come running up to you with flowers and a boombox?”

“Ahaha, I just think she has a point, ya know? I would be swept off my feet too with a sweet confession like that!”

Shouta’s head snapped up. For the first time, he was sorely regretting not keeping up with his classmates’ conversations. 

Day 5 - rebuilt/recovered/regained

What Was Missing | M | 4800 words 

It had really been too long since he and Shouta had lazed in bed together like this, and even longer since they had shared such a wild night of sex. Why had it been so long?

In the still morning light, surrounded by the sound of Shouta’s soft snores, the answer hit him like a punch to the gut.

He and Shouta had broken up last week.

Day 6 - recognition/appreciation/admiration

Expressions of Love | G | 600 words

Shouta has always been bad with words, but for Hizashi's sake, he'd try.

Day 7 - soft/quiet/tender

to rise with the sun | G | 500 words 

On Sunday mornings, Shouta gets to sleep in and wake up with Hizashi by his side.

[ashleigh-luvs-14cats]

A Rencounter Fic

OMG I MADE A 2ND CHAPTER!!! And in short amount of time (not really but short enough)!! This one is really special cuz @ice-cream-kitsunegirl and I work together on this one. She made an amazing intro (in my personal opinion). Once again both of our Ocs are here, I have her permission to use her character, I hope you will like it and please check out her blog if you like bnha x readers fics, I recommend reading her stuff. (She has more experience in writing than I do. XD)

Summary: Ashlen and Amy have been friends online for three months but never knew each other's real names or faces. They are from different countries but feel as if they are very close to one another. Ashlen is on an exchange program to UA High School to Class 1-A for a year. One year away from home in the U.S, will she get along with her new classmates? Why does one of them sound familiar?

Chapter 2: A Sense of Change

Meanwhile at UA…

“WHOO-HOO~!”

Amy whooped as she flew her broomstick up in the air, high enough to run a hand through the clouds, the same place where her head was as she grinned at the bright moonlight. It was the perfect amount of light that she would need to charge her gemstones for when she got down. She looked down to see their brightness…

She wasn’t alone though, she had her dear friend Shinsou riding with her on her broomstick, and he wasn’t crazy about how high they were. They were a little too high near the clouds, he knew that Amy was an adrenaline junkie, but how did he let her convince him to do crazy shit like this?

‘It’s like riding a bike she said… it will be fun she said…’ He thought to himself in dread, but he refused to show that he might have been just a little bit scared of falling since this relied purely on her telekinesis to let her fly.

“Hitoshi! We’re so freakin’ high! I’ve officially gotten better with my telekinesis, and now I can fly this thing anytime I want! Haha~! I want to get away, I wanna fllyyyyy away~.” She started singing as she floated about and let the wind blow in her face.

“You shouldn’t sing while we’re up here… you need to focus, so your telekinesis doesn’t break… Let’s just get back to the ground… I don’t think I really like fly-“ Shinsou nearly screamed when she suddenly descended, and he held on tightly to this broomstick as she whooped yet again, swerving a circle around the Heights Alliance building and potentially disturbing some of the other Class 1-A students with the heavy wind blowing through the windows from her fast flying..

As soon as she reached the ground, Shinsou was happy to be back on his feet where he wouldn’t fall to his death. “HA! Never gets old…” Amy laughed cheerfully as she got down off her broomstick, secretly amusing Shinsou despite what his expression indicated. “You’re setting witches back a hundred years by flying on a broomstick, do you know that?” He asked her sarcastically as she laughed a little bit, “Yeah, but it’s fun~. Now watch this! The moonlight is perfect for my gems~.” Amy sang-songed as she cheerfully went over to the gems she had collected to charge up for the perfect night.

They were gleaming, provided by the brightness of the moonlight that shined upon them, Amy stared at them in awe as she started to sing the incantation.

“Crystal, Gleam and Glow

Let your power return

The full moon shine so bright

Return your state of might.”

A low humming radiated from the glowing gemstones, and Amy’s grin grew and looked somewhat crazy from Shinsou’s point of view as she did her best to not let out a dramatic cackle, and instead just giggled happily. “AH! I can’t wait to utilize their power for later~ I’m just mad about gemstones.” She said excitedly, which Shinsou secretly found endearing. Even if he didn’t know why he was out here in the first place.

“Why am I out here again?” He asked in the most deadpan tone she had heard yet, and he wasn’t surprised to see Amy’s trademark smirk.

“Duh, Mr. Aizawa trusts you the most with me, I need you to back me up if I get in trouble, and on top of that… I need to make up being away from you for 4 years… do you know how sad I was without you?”

Amy explained, her smirk turning into a more somber smile, “But you had the other witches. You certainly think highly of them… a lot more than the other girls here, that’s for sure.”

It was true. Amy often mentioned her sisters from the coven at Miss Robichaux’s Academy for Exceptional Young Girls at New Orleans to her friends and classmates. Her sisters were young witches that had been made public not long ago but were an independent heroine group that followed their own rules thanks to Amy’s Supreme Cordelia Goode demonstrating a heroic attitude despite the witches’ controversial, and some say questionable hero methods. Amy’s dear friends Zoe Benson, Queenie and Mallory lived there, and she missed them terribly, but frequently spoke to them online, along with a new friend she had made in the states. And sometimes she would stay up till the dead of the night talking to them, which had lately been forcing Bakugou to make her ‘go the fuck to bed.’

“I do… I mean the girls here are great… but… my sisters are… pretty badass.” Amy chuckled a little bit, but Shinsou couldn’t help but rolls his eyes. “Yeah, we hear you go on and on about how great they are… Except for Madison… nobody can stand her, I really can’t stand her.” Shinsou reminded her but made sure to remark on his intense dislike for Madison Montgomery, the bitchiest witch who had been ‘taking care of you’ and shadowing a very reluctant Aizawa on Cordelia’s request on most days. But nobody, not even sweet Izuku, Kirishima or Uraraka liked her.

Amy couldn’t help but giggle. Madison was more of her frenemy than anything, compared to Misty, Mallory, Zoey, and Queenie, but Madison was a hedonist who looked out mainly for herself and most definitely NOT a hero. Although, Madison did care about Amy, given that she took her on a wild bender after Bakugou was rescued and was being kind of a distant asshole afterward.

That proved that Madison DID care about her and had a heart underneath the stone-cold bitchiness. “Hee-hee, Madison’s a bitch. But… I can handle her. I mean… look at who I’m dating.” Amy shrugged a little bit and laughed, not fully noticing the look of annoyance on Shinsou’s face.

“But… as much as I talk about how great my sisters are… they aren’t you Hitoshi… they made me feel less lonely… but they couldn’t replace you at all…” She said softly with a warm smile at her childhood friend, who didn’t seem to expect that as he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, willing himself to not blush.

“So sentimental…” He muttered a little bit in slight embarrassment as Amy giggled a little bit, unable to stop herself from hugging his arm affectionately as he sighed heavily in mild annoyance. Although, Amy’s hold loosened a little bit as her brown eyes widened ever so slightly, pausing momentarily as she stared upwards into the distance and looked around.

There was nothing in the area, but her senses were tingling and telling her something that she couldn’t really say. Yet, she felt nothing bad, which was surprising to her since one of Amy’s gifts allowed her to sense bad juju and of bad things yet to come. So naturally, Amy learned to be cautious, even if she wasn’t sensing the usual bad juju…

Which was a little bit alarming to her. She’d been used to bad juju, and for some reason, it seemed to be naturally drawn to her wherever she wants, whether it was at Robichaux or UA. She recalled many times she felt it, such as the attack on Robichaux, the Witch Hunters, the Axeman’s attack, the USJ incident, the Hero Killer’s attack at Hosu, to the Summer Field Training trip. All bad incidents, so why was this so different?

Amy wondered what this could have meant. Whatever it was, it was lingering in the atmosphere, and Amy was growing more curious about it by the minute.

As she thought to herself, Shinsou knew that the witch must have sensed something when she was uncharacteristically quiet, so he could tell she must have sensed something, “What is it, Amy? Is something the matter?” He asked her, a hint of concern in his tone as Amy chuckled and shook her head.

“Nothing really… I thought I sensed something but… now it’s gone… it’s nothing.” She replied with a smile and decided to quickly change the subject somehow.

Ding!

“Oh! Hello~. Wonder who that could be~?” Thankfully, one of your friends messaged you, which was the perfect distraction from the weirdness you felt.

Ally-luvs-14cats: Hi! What's up Ice cream!?

Ice-cream-FoxGirl: Oh hey girl! Just flyin’ about with my buddy. Almost died lol

Ally-luvs-14cats: Which one? The Zombie one or the Explodo boi?  

Ice-cream-FoxGirl: HA. I haven’t killed Explodo Boi YET. But I’m with my dear Zombie Boy.

Shinsou looked over Amy's shoulder, "Who are you talking to? And who are you calling Zombie boy?"

Amy nearly jumped, and she flashed him a nervous, toothy grin, “Just a friend… Zombie Boy? No…” She laughed very nervously, “Nobody… definitely not you… I don’t think your zombie-like features make you look like a zombie…” She said, not convincingly at all as she tried to wave it off.

Ally-luvs-14cats: XD i bet he pissed his pants!

Ice-cream-FoxGirl: XD LOL I dunno. Maybe. I didn’t check my broom lolol

Ally-luvs-14cats: you better. Wouldnt want a nasty ride XD

"Who are they? Are they your friends from the coven?" Shinso asked, with a face of annoyance from the 'pissed' comment.

“Hee-hee… not this time… Madison probably would’ve said something like that. But no, this is my bud from the States... She ain’t a coven girl, well… that I know of,  but she’s definitely a friend…” She clarified, for once not saying anything really snarky since she had grown to like this girl, she was pretty cool. A LOT cooler than Madison that’s for sure, the witch Amy was stuck with.

"You know, you really shouldn't be buddy-buddy with people online. They could be a creepy old man from Japan." He warned, he heard creepy tales of how disgusting villains kidnap kids over the internet.

Amy almost chuckled, but Shinsou’s concern touched her. “Hitoshi… I’ve already killed two creepy old men back at New Orleans. I can easily kill another. I’m good at killing creepy old men… I LIKE killing creepy old men.” She smiled a little too wide, intentionally making herself look a bit bloodthirsty, which… she kind of was. “But seriously… I trust this person. Everything I’ve read from her doesn’t strike me as suspicious. No bad juju from her.” This time, that was a bit more reassuring since this girl so far didn’t give Amy any bad vibes. "And besides, we haven't said our real names and where exactly we live, just our countries."

Ally-luvs-14cats: ugh my morning was rough XC

Ice-cream-FoxGirl: uh-oh. O.O What’s the T Christine? What happened?

Ally-luvs-14cats: let’s just say i got my ass kicked by one of my older sisters...mannn i thought today was the day im going to win! 😗

Ice-cream-FoxGirl: Eh?! You didn’t win?! Awwww man… well hey, you can do it next time! This time strike when she least expects it! Go all ‘Surprise Bitch!’ on her! Works every time! 😆

Ally-luvs-14cats: XD if only that were easy. I totally went all out! Even used my special move. But she's just too dang good.. unfortunately the next time will be in a year though…

Ice-cream-FoxGirl: DAYUM! >.< That’s almost like when I didn’t pass the Seven Wonders… I mean, most witches usually die when they don’t pass but I just couldn’t do any Divination… I feel your pain though girl… :/ I can’t beat Madison… that bitch is cray-cray… but hey, you can try again next year at least! ;)

"She only knows that you're a witch?" Shinsou asked as they approach Amy's dorm room.

Amy tried not to look so obvious, but that was just in her nature unless she was trying to manipulate someone. “Yup… that’s… that’s all she knows… she definitely doesn’t know all my friends’ names… just the girls from the coven…” She muttered, not being discreet at all. But… Amy was a risk-taker by nature, it was something she needed to seriously work on.

Ally-luvs-14cats: Also I got some news! Like a future warning...

Ice-cream-FoxGirl: Oh? Future warning eh? I wanna hear that T.

Ally-luvs-14cats: pfft..anyways yea im going to be M.I.A. im going to be moving sooo i wont be able to talk to you for a few days...ill be moving to a new country annnd guess where it will be!?

Ice-cream-FoxGirl: AWWW! >.< Booo! Oh well… will miss u gurl~. Have fun with moving! Aaaaaaaaand… France? Canada? New Orleans~? … Norway?

Ally-luvs-14cats: PFFT! New Orleans isnt a country! XD Also none of those are correct btw..

Ice-cream-FoxGirl: XD Yeah but New Orleans is AWESOME!! Aaaand… Taiwan? … London? Paris? Maybe Tokyo?

Ally-luvs-14cats: Ding Ding! It is JAPAN!~

Ice-cream-FoxGirl: O.O JAPAN?! HEY THAT’S WHERE I’M AT! GIIIIIRL~.

Ally-luvs-14cats: YEA! ill be going to this like fancy school for an exchange student program...ugh i hope this school wont be filled with snobs like the ones here..¬_¬

Ice-cream-FoxGirl:  UGH Tell me about it… I love the lot I’m stuck with, but Robichaux had cooler ladies. Now the guys here though… ;) Ooh la la girl… you’d love the guys here…… I’m licking my lips as we speak~

Ally-luvs-14cats: >u< oh my gosh! Lol! Man i hope soo...i do have a thing for Asian boys..

Ice-cream-FoxGirl: They are only some of the most beautiful men on the planet~. And these guys sure are… I have a picture of this dude I’m dating, took it when he wasn’t aware of it at the pool. Among other photos he doesn’t know I secretly have of him~. Including one of him while he was sleeping... XD

"Is that so? Amy.." A voice came up behind her and almost came out as a growl.

“AHHH!!” Amy’s eyes widened, she managed to read her most recent message, but her furious boyfriend had kind of distracted her as she jumped and screamed when he was getting too close and in a snap, she teleported at least 5 feet away to text as quickly as she could.

Ally-luvs-14cats: XD Well i gttg..I need some breakfast after that defeat..and who knows maybe we'll see other. So bye!

Ice-cream-FoxGirl: Great! Talk to u later! Can’t wait to see you! I’ll show u pics when u do! Girl bai!! I’m gonna try and not die now XD :3

Ally-luvs-14cats: Oops someone found out something XD sorry but...you are on your own!

                                    Ally-luvs-14cats had left the chat!

"AMY! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!"

Not many things scared Amy and not even Bakugou, but his rage was enough to raise the hairs on her back as she took off running. “No! Go drink some tea or something and ‘leaf’ me alone~!” If she was going to die, she was going to go out on a really lame pun.

Shinsou couldn’t really do anything except watch his best friend and her dumb boyfriend chase each other. He probably should have stopped Bakugou with his quirk, but… Amy wouldn’t learn anything if he did. That’s what he told himself at least.

That’s what she gets for the piss comment…

[rmjunhao]

[ beyoncé voice ] bitch, i’m back by popular demand.

hELLO!! to all you oldies, hey. imy. & to you newbies, hey!! i’m yumi and i have here for you, xu junhao, blessed w diamond mimicry! he’s a 19 year old disenfranchised first year majoring in business w concentration in international relations. he’s also alpha’s hazing target & the initiate most likely to be dropped and if that doesn’t scream Hot Mess™ to you then ,,, good 4 u. 

on a side note, i’ve revamped a few minor things abt him & his background which is all conveniently included for y’all under the cut. read: i made him a bit more angsty purely for the sake of my own personal entertainment. 

anyways, i’m super excited that rm is up and running again!! and of i’m so excited to write with y’all so smash that like button if you’d like me to slide into your ims for plotting purposes ofc (((; i also have a twt ( @sichengly ) and a discord ( yumi#1724 ) if that makes life any easier for you.

soOoOooOOo yeah, pls love me and my revamped boy. over and out. 

profile ! mutation ! bio !

born in hong kong as a big shot celebrity child to a former gold medal figure skating olympian turned ceo & a model/actress. he’s known as hui janho in cantonese, though he goes by xu junhao as well. probably goes by jun a lot. 

obviously he had to play the part of the perfect son so learning how to act & also being in the center of the public eye is something that became normalized in his life from a very age but eventually he grew to love the attention, the endorsements, the lifestyle

junhao by nature was a Wild child, the type to mess around and get himself almost killed if his parents turned around for two seconds

story time: 7 yr old junhao for some reason thought it’d be a brilliant idea to try to rollerblade on his slip n’ slide because that acceleration tho—yeah he has a long jagged scar on his left knee from that despite his mother’s expensive anti-scarring creams bc his toddler fingers couldn’t help but pick at the scab!!

parents signed him up for all kinds of sports as soon as he could freaking walk to channel some of this reckless energy into something more productive

eventually stuck with rugby & was well on the path to playing professionally with various uni scouts fighting to recruit him until the Incident during 12 grade

naturally a very social boy and made friends left and right ,, but of course his lifestyle led him to come off as snobby to some people

a fellow high school classmate was one of said people and clashed w junhao from the start ,, now junhao isn’t known for being a pacifist and he kinda got a kick out of egging this boy on bc let’s be real, he’s your typical, immature teenager

one day the snide remarks escalated into a full on fist fight in which junhao’s powers manifested for the first time

imagine punching and being punched by a blindingly bright boy whose skin is literally as hard as rock that also happens to be 183 cm tall & 65 kg of mostly muscle ,, yeah it didn’t end very well for that boy

lots of outlandish rumors spread about what happened that damaged his public image and he lost a lot of his university offers because of this

parents wanted to send him away so he could learn to “fix” this issue somewhere far away from them so they gladly pulled every string in the book to get him into gumi although he did have to take a gap year bc of this mess

he’s having a hard time trying to come to terms w the fact that he’s been practically disowned and no longer has half the luxuries he took for granted. he’s trying to pass as nonchalant & carefree abt his fall from grace & as far as the general public knows, he’s being shipped all the way to s. korea for uni bc he’s the new youth ambassador for a pro mutant-human coexistence organization. but he really misses rugby & just his old lifestyle in general :((

stumbled upon seoul’s underground fighting scene by accident one weekend and now he’s using it as an outlet for his pent up angst & stress & also as a source of income bc he needs the money now. it also gives him a nice rush whenever he wins & makes him feel kinda nostalgic. in cases like these, he quite likes his mutation bc it’s lowkey enough that the moderators don’t know that those rock hard abs still stay tht way even after eating 20 big macs

personality wise, he’s like your stereotypical  loudass 19 yr jock who rarely takes anything seriously, says bro & dude too much, laughs at dick jokes, & doesn’t know when is not an appropriate time to snicker at vines on twt. he can’t deal w anything emotionally charged and uses humor as a way to hide the fact that he can’t do the whole feelings thing

trouble kind of always follows him around ,, he’s always got stupid ideas that he’ll act upon before thinking through the consequences but it’s always minor things like ,, he’s not a murderer or anything

lowkey a closeted kpop girl group fanboy!! like he listens to twice and momoland on the daily ,, knows all the dances to all the songs ,, u get the gist but stfu he doesn’t like talking about it

all in all, a Hot Mess™ trying to live the gucci gang life okay he’s not as bad as he sounds pls love him

[nerdiests]

Here’s day 4 of Kaminari week!!

Check it out on ao3!

prompt: theories - traitor/backstory/creator’s choice

Denki had never been good with Japanese to begin with, but the fact that it wasn’t his first language definitely didn’t help matters. Sure, he’d grown up speaking an amalgamation of English and Japanese, but he hadn’t grown up writing an amalgamation of English and Japanese. After all, despite his parents speaking Japanese so he wouldn’t flounder when they moved back to Japan, America didn’t prioritize learning second languages until later years. So he didn’t exactly get to learn any written Japanese. Coming back to Japan was definitely a struggle, since he had to pick up a new written language.

After moving back to Japan shortly after his twelfth birthday, Denki had a bit of a crisis. He could speak the language just fine, so everyone assumed he would be able to write Japanese just as well as he could speak. That was not, in fact, the case. Being thrown into Japanese middle school as he had been without any knowledge of written Japanese whatsoever, he was immediately floundering. Denki took it upon himself to try and teach himself how to read Japanese, but it was slow going. Kanji was, after all, much harder to read than English. And Spanish and French. So Denki was barely passing his classes, and his parents were extremely disappointed in his sudden drop in grades.

Eventually, as high school approached and everyone always laughed at his low test scores, Denki decided he was going to shoot for the best school out there. U.A. High School. Everyone was shocked when he said he’d be shooting for the most prestigious school in Japan for heroes, support engineers, business students, and even academically. But Denki was going to blow all of them out of the water with his expertise. He knew what they were talking about, he was learning everything they’d talked about in classes, he just couldn’t read anything anyone wrote. So he was going to especially brush up on his kanji comprehension skills before going in to take the U.A. exam.

For the almost year leading up to the exam, Denki spent all his spare time studying - both for school and how to read written Japanese. They were both slow-going, but he managed. Picking up how to read kanji definitely accelerated his learning process with school, since the more kanji he learned how to read the more words he could read. Though he did a lot more studying of more advanced words as he looked for the material that would be on the U.A. entrance exam, which was a lot more complex than the words he’d been studying for the past year.

The day had snuck up on Denki with almost no warning, though his mom had reminded him about his exam the week prior. It was a tiring day, for sure. He’d almost gone over his voltage limit repeatedly during the practical portion, and he might’ve written some of his answers on the written portion in English instead of Japanese. It’s not his fault he didn’t learn any written Japanese until he was twelve, it’s the American education system’s fault for not prioritizing bilingualism. If they had he’d probably have done a lot better on the entrance exam’s first half, which did not go well.

He, surprisingly, passed with flying colors. All Might - who was teaching at U.A. now, wow - informed him that someone had to specially grade his test because it was an amalgamation of English, Japanese, and a bit of Spanish and French, surprisingly. And the practical exam - which he got 53 points on - was definitely enough to get him into U.A. Thank goodness.

As the year began, and continued to go on, Denki grew close to some of his fellow classmates. Ashido Mina, Kirishima Eijirou, Sero Hanta, and Bakugou Katsuki to name a few. He also might’ve had a few. Crushes on fellow classmates (Read: all of them). And all the events the class went through definitely drew the class closer together. They had to move into dorms after an event at their summer camp, and Denki couldn’t even help because he’d failed the practical final and-! Let’s move past that for now.

The dorms were nice. He’d almost short circuited the whole dorm building at one point because Kirishima decided it was a good idea to get the whole class to watch a movie and someone (Bakugou) decided to take it upon himself to ensure they watched SAW. He’d also almost beaten a level on Geometry Dash when Ashido decided that sneaking up on him while he was sitting in the common room lounge was a good idea! Nope! What made him laugh, though, is that despite living in close quarters with all eighteen of his classmates, it never came up that he was technically American. Well. Not until the joint English/World History project.

“Alright, listeners! We’re doing a joint project with World History! You’re going to be assigned a country and give a basic summary of that country’s history, but here’s the catch! It has to be all in English!” Present Mic explained, and groans chorused throughout the classroom. Denki, however, grinned. Denki felt eyes on him for a moment, Present Mic possibly, before his teacher continued.

“Now, for countries! Aoyama Yuuga… Belgium!” There was a quiet sound of disappointment, but Denki had tuned everyone out for a moment. Wouldn’t it be wild if he got the U.S? Like, man. If he could spend a whole project blathering on about his home country that would be a blast, he could make so many pop culture references…

“Kaminari Denki… United States of America!” Denki froze. Holy shit. He heard someone laugh around him, muttering about how he’d have an easier project. Denki began to laugh lowly under his breath, and someone tapped on his shoulder. Kirishima. Denki turned around to see his friend’s slightly concerned face.

“You okay, man?” he asked. Denki nodded once.

“I’m doin’ absolutely amazing, Kirishima!” Denki said excitedly, unable to keep the manic grin off his face. Kirishima nodded slowly, seemingly not believing him.

“O… kay…” Kirishima said, and Denki turned back around, manic grin still on his face. Denki tuned out everyone else for the assignments, though he heard the explosions that followed Bakugou being assigned France.

The next few weeks were a breeze for Denki. He didn’t have to do a ton of research, since he’d saved all his notes and assignments from American History - he’d tested out of Texas History, thankfully - and he could detail the first half of American History fairly well, plus he just knew random facts about the 1900s because a lot of his favorite movies and games were from the time period, plus it was just an interesting time period. The 2000s were definitely more… Intriguing, though. It took a fair amount of time to get to present day with his research, and he went. Extremely in depth, because who wouldn’t go extremely in depth when you can actually read and understand what you’re reading?

The day before Denki was set to present, he managed to get a pass to leave campus to go shopping. And they let him go by himself. What a blessing. He needed to grab the fashion items - or make them, in some cases - before he presented. He’d already gotten his permission to walk in when he was supposed to present from Present Mic so he just needed to get the clothes he’d need for his presentation. People would get extra credit for wearing the fashion of the country, after all. And he was going all out.

The next morning, when he was set to present, Denki was waiting outside of the classroom.

“Next to present, possibly for the whole class period as I’ve been told, is Kaminari Denki, with his project on the United States of America!!” Denki grinned. Time for his entrance. Denki kicked the door open with his saddle shoe-clad foot and walked into the room with a grin on his face.

“Sup, I’m Denki Kaminari and I lived in the United States for twelve years!” Denki said enthusiastically. Everyone looked at him, shocked for the most part, but he spotted a grin on Present Mic’s face. Denki’s grin grew wider, and he gestured back at the old fashioned Powerpoint he’d made, with cruddy transitions to give the effect that it was, in fact, the early 2000s and not their current time.

“Now, lemme tell you about the wide and varied history of the United States of America, complete with cultural anecdotes, a few Spanish and French bits because I know bits and pieces of both languages, but other than that it’s totally in English. Aka, my first language,” Denki said, before turning around and adjusting his handmade cravat.

“So. U.S. history technically didn’t start with Jamestown and Roanoke back in the 1600s…” And so Denki went on to ramble for the entire class period - all in English, no less - about American history, a subject he’d found to be somewhat interesting.

He ended up getting the highest grade in the class. His… Cross decade ensemble - saddle shoes, legwarmers, ripped up jeans, a graphic tee, a cravat, clip-on disco ball earrings, and a fascinator - got him some extra points, eventually when he revealed that he made half of them himself. Denki spent a month fielding questions about why he never revealed that particular fact, and half as much time being asked to get a translation for the people that hadn’t understood a word. It was a wonderful month.

[ko-fanatic]

Busy Hands (Part 2)

Rating: Teen and up

Fandom: Ouran High School Host Club

Relationships: Tamaki & Kyoya, Kyoya x OC

Trigger Warnings: OCD, Panic Attacks, Intrusive Thoughts, Mental breakdown

Summary: On, off, on, off. You have to keep going, don't stop. On, off- Is that blood?

Other fanfics in this series: Part 1

The next day brought a lot more anxiety than Kyoya was typically used to, and that was saying something. His book was to stay at home, he had to allow himself to let his hands be idle, he had to try and get over these compulsions. His father wasn’t a psychologist, he just read papers about it. How could he know? It could be him who got hurt. He could hurt his own father, like a horrible person, because he would. He’d hurt people.

He was shaky as he walked along the corridor, wringing his hands. He was already sweaty, but almost freezing, and he didn’t know if he could last another hour – let alone the whole day – like this. It wasn’t so much not writing for that time – it wasn’t a consistent compulsion – but the anxiety of it being forbidden to him. It was as if he were on a high wire, the safety net pulled out from under him, as if that would somehow make the show more interesting.

Show. Circus. Safety net. He always hated the circus, he wasn’t sure why. Perhaps it was the risk of death, the open flames, the audience participation; he hated it and Tachibana let him stay at home whenever Fuyumi begged to go see it. Everything was scary. Going outside was terrifying. Still, he couldn’t be a hikikomori; he had to be a successful, functioning member of society – another reason why he couldn’t write. Why his father gave him pills he never took and urged him to attempt recovery. He hated it so much, and no one ever seemed to take him seriously.

Who else got violent thoughts when alone and with nothing to do? He really was a freak.

Still, stepping into the classroom made him feel as if all of the oxygen was removed; that he was in some sort of hellish vacuum where he didn’t belong, but everyone else seemed to. So many people, too many, and it wasn’t like the whole class was even there yet. He couldn’t move. His feet were stuck to the floor as firmly as if he’d been cemented there. The light above a small group in the corner gave his sick imagination too much fuel; sparks, fire, broken glass.

Ouran had good janitors and maintenance workers, but was that ever enough? It only took a moment for these things to spiral out of control and hurt others. His hand reached out, pale and twitching, pads pressed against the switch – 1, 2, 3, 4, on, off, on, off.

The sound in the room gradually filtered into silence, the gaze of other students on his back, the weight of judgement compressing his chest further. He knew they were all staring, because who wouldn’t? A member of the Ootori family was flicking the lights on and off in a cold sweat; even without knowing what was running through his head, it was still incredibly strange.

“Kyoya?”

He distantly heard Tamaki’s voice, but he was too absorbed in his compulsion to really do anything with that information. He heard everything, his mind just fumbled when it came to actually processing it. There was worry there, an undercurrent of stop and you shouldn’t do this. Despite Tamaki being his best friend, he could never understand how Kyoya thought when it came to this. He didn’t understand the logic, which was fair enough because Kyoya wasn’t too sure sometimes himself.

“Kyoya, you have to stop,” Tamaki stated, voice stronger and calmer than it was the day before, but he couldn’t. That was the issue. If he did, people would get hurt and there’d be blood, so much blood, and a guilty conscience that would rip him apart at the seams.

20, 21, off, on, off –

“Ridiculous…” Tamaki muttered, Kyoya not hearing the rest of it as his closest friend grabbed his hand, pulling it away from the switch. The other hand. Would it work with the other hand? Yes, yes, check the lights, on, off, on, off. But no, because Tamaki now had the both of them, and he couldn’t rip free of the grip around his wrists.

“Let go of me! Get off! Stop touching me!” Kyoya yelled, like he did back in elementary school when the well-meaning teachers’ aid tried to stop the flickering lights then, too. Tamaki didn’t understand, he had to do it or they’d all die.

“Kyoya, calm. Calm down,” Tamaki tried to soothe, but it all came out far too harsh and Kyoya was too far gone to really listen. Another reason why he hated the circus, spectacle. That’s what they were, right now. He was just the freak, and this was the ringleader. He just continued to try and break free, people staring as he got more and more frustrated, more and more upset, until suddenly –

CRACK!

He didn’t even register the blood, or what he did. He just heard Tamaki give a nasal cry of pain, a few crimson spots appearing on the floor, accompanied by the gasps of a few classmates. On, off, on, off, 39, 40, 41 – back to checking the switch. Sixty, sixty is a good number, a safe number, and he had to get to it or the light would burst, raining down broken glass and electrical sparks; the school might even catch on fire.

“Ootori?” Another voice inquires, and if he were more stable his mind would be cast back to a mountain villa at night and stargazing and soft lips, all of which amounted to nothing but financial gain and a small crack in his armour, “Ootori, what number are you on?”

“Fifty three, fifty four, fifty five…” He lists off, lights flickering in time with his breathy, panicked numbers. But, like that, he gets to his lovely, safe number – sixty, always to sixty, no more and no less – and he immediately slackens. The tension that held him up so stiffly was gone, and he was so relieved that he almost fell to the floor.

“Sixty. That’s better, yeah? That’s your number?” Kazuhiro tried to soothe, but that just got his back up once more.

“Don’t patronise me,” He snapped, as if he hadn’t just spent all too much time flicking the light switch on and off, “It’s… It’s a thing. I’m fine.”

Eloquent.

“Right, Ootori, I understand that, but you did just punch Suoh in the face. You haven’t been like this for a while, and…” Kazuhiro’s voice filtered out, overtaken by screams and confusion that created a cacophony that only he could hear. Because he was crazy, and that’s what crazy people were like. Kazuhiro tried to be gentle, voice soft and low as if he was talking to some wild animal. Wasn’t that what it was like, though? He made Tamaki bleed without even processing it…

“I’m not crazy,” He almost whimpered, as if he was the injured one and not his best friend, nails that had to be cut to the quick raking across his arm and leaving red raw marks, “I… It didn’t work. It didn’t work, why…? He stopped me, he stopped me, and he got hurt, it’s why I have to do it, I don’t want… I don’t want that…”

“Ootori. Ootori, I need you to breathe, alright? We’re going to slow this down. The girls are going to take Suoh to the nurse, and I’m going to hold your hands. We’re going to go sit down, calm down, and then we’ll see where to go from there,” Kazuhiro explained, soft hands so careful and delicate as they took his own, “There we are. You shouldn’t do that, your arms…”

“It helps,” He offered, biting his lip and feeling completely sick from anxiety and just… everything. It was too much, really; scratching gave him something to focus on and kept his hands busy. His father – and Tachibana, and Fuyumi, and everyone – insisted that he cut his nails as short as possible to avoid him hurting himself too much. He still managed to, persistence was his specialty, and so his skin was red and messy. No broken skin, but blotchy.

“Honestly, I find that hard to believe.”

Kyoya just looked away, awkwardly standing as he held hands with Kazuhiro, of all people. Or Akiyama, as he should say. That was literal years ago now, and it wasn’t like it was that big in the first place. Besides, Akiyama still used “Ootori”, so it was more a testament to his passed naivety. After all, he was just a hot mess at this point, the least he could do was remember basic courtesy…

A/N: Why have I written another chapter after all this time? Blame @imagine-it-ouran. Why am I making it a big thing? I'm me. Kazuhiro isn't a complete OC. He's the guy who invited Kyoya to the mountain villa in And So Kyoya Met Him. Shipping Kyoya with a background character? Truly, I'm a mess. Hope you stick around regardless, and comments make my day, so feel free to leave one.

[chickenfetus]

ALL MY EGG (and for the four names: jae, killer kang, minhyuk (whichever one), and santa

deadass i did the 100 questions ask meme for this ask and almost posted it rip

🐰 what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone?

theres literally nothing i dont even know what to say ???? 

💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be?

not 2 be delusional but i would give up my world to hug changkyun

🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why?

glaceon is UP THERE idk why honestly but the sinnoh games were my first and i just??? i was really into ice and snow and shit u know so glaceon... thakn u

another pkmn ill always have is lucario ????? its just so cool?????

🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like?

hopefully forgiveness and like???? acknowledging mistakes and learning from those u know jst positive stuff and like?? water. god i love water

👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had?

hm okay i think this one was from last night or the night b4??? and like???? idk???? i dont even know how 2 start tbh?

so im like hanging over at this two kid’s im a kid 2 i think place and idk we just talk and shit??? idk whomst the boys were tho

and then we get to a scene where its like??? at a train station???? and i go to the washroom to shit or smth idk thankfully i didnt shit myself irl

then i have to get onto the train which isnt even a train its like a carousel with seats??? and its like on a train track boys this is 2 much and i forgot to get ready my train card thing so the guy (who i was p sure was evil) waited for me to remove it so i got onto the transportation device lmao

and then once im seated i remember i forgot my jacket so i make like hand movements 2 the creep and hes runnig 2 me with my jakcet but the ride’s way too fast so i yell and say ill come back for it even tho im p sure i wasnt going 2

after that i wke up wild

☀️ what do you like the most about your best friend?

i dont have a best friend and all of my friends have their own unique qualities if i went into a rant abt them rn this will b so long

😘 talk about your crush or partner

[minhyuk voice] theres none

💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back?

ya bc im petty but it really depends on the person

🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!)

my personality (the good parts)

my values

my taste in friends (my Big Friends are either geminis or scorpios good)

🐾 what are you scared of most? how will you overcome it?

the dark and bitch isnt gonna turn off her night light any time soon

🎁 what never fails to make you happy?

seeing my favourite happy, listening to the music i like 

💙 what annoys you about some people?

i jjust went into a full out rant abt this on the other reply so ill be quiet now

😤 do you get angry easily?

yeahhhhh 

🐇 what do you always daydream about?

my faves tbh

🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change?

bad people , gone.

everybody only sends love and happy things on anon

i just want everyone 2 b nice & friendly wars of any sort dont exist and no one wants anybody dead

🍓 send me 4 names: kiss, befriend, kill or marry?

if u sent jae’s name earlier id have trouble so im glad

kiss: tihis is so fucking embarrassing wtf minhyku (mx) but only on the cheek basically everywhere except the lips or anyplace weird

befriend: brian :-0

kill: jae goodbye loser

marry: sanha we can yell every time we gotta turn the lights off

✈️ what is your dream city and why?

tokyo bc its NICE

☕️ talk about your ideal day

cant read

🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert?

i suddenly thought of the word ambivore which made me think of the word vore i wanna delete im a both? mayb idk

💧 when was the last time you cried?

nov 3 bc my heart hurts whenever i see ppl being a bad friend

🎵 name 5 songs you love at the moment

oh worm

all alone - day6

with you - astro

dramarama - mx (even though it isnt out yet lmao)

run - bts (the superior bts song)

hellevator - / (i was rly gonna make this mixed languages but rip)

⚡️ if you had any superpower, what would it be and why?

to fly bc im basic

💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say?

dont do that

💚 who are you jealous of and why?

nobody in general????????? 

💎 which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why?

intelligence i have 2 live somehow what if my money gets stolen

🙊 what are you ashamed of?

my humor

🌺 which languages do you know? which do you want to learn?

i (barely) know chinese despite having 2 take it all my life legends only

i know english but im bad at that 2 and its my first language once again legends only

i wanna learn japanese and korean 

🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be?

the cow from voltron 

☁️ talk about your dream universe.

weve already discussed this

💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today?

oh w-0rm ok so im a regular anon on this persons blog and i wanted to send an ask but never got arnd doing it so im gonna send her one. soon/

🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why?

let me live my life as a furry and cat

🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike

are u ready 4 me to b the meanest person yet bc i sure am lets fucking go

so theres this girl. and i know her (unfortunately) and ive known her since like 4 years ago and back then she was already pretty shit tbh

she cried bc she had to sit in between the “weird” and “dirty” girls in our class and she headass cried in front of them and everyone just bc she didnt like the arrangement?? shes called the “dirty” girl disgusting before and has made fun of her in front of everybody its just bad :-/

now. fast forward 3 years and in addition to still being disrespectful and rude, she now vocalizes her weird fantasies for her “oppas”??? some examples: 

“when i go watch __ perform im gonna climb onto stage and then my mother and my future husband will fight for me” and she calls those kpop idols weird shit and basically sexualizes them/???? she says the weirdest fucking shit on her ig story and tags them??????? 

another thing. she went to korea nd took a picture of a complete stranger and posted it on her public ig and called him her “oppa” and said that they had a “fun day together” despite the guy not knowing her at all???? she posted the pic of him??? i still dont get it tbh 

she wasnt even being ironic at all??? she calls herself & classmates “autistic” whenever she/others do smth dumb or mess up and its just sososososo fucking wrong

being one of the people to see how shes basically grown from bad to worse is something i dont fucking enjoy and i jsut want to leave my class already lmao 

ok but there are times where i do appreciate her because sometimes the class will be rly quiet and the teacher is basically talking 2 themselves but she’ll always respond w/o fail so thats great but its only bc she talks so damn much 

i just got a flashback to when she “jokingly” said she wanted to be a trainee for the rest of her life how do i just. god

😣 talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately

we’ve once again already discussed this

🍪 what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now?

i wanted to be various things honestly?? ranging from an astronaut to a vet to an editor to an animator to other stuff i get influenced pretty easily so if i watch smth and i think its cool ill want 2 be that i guess?? ive been trying 2 get rid of that habit so now i have no clue what i wanna be

��� what are some of your favourite sugary foods?

sweets and chocolate cake

🍑 what are you obsessed with?

drinking water and staying hydrated

making my friends laugh is great 2

💘 what happens to you when you’re stressed?

acne LMAO 

😪 what are you sick of?

the usual

🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker?

i love scouting on sif and bandori so yeah 

💥 what are some unpopular opinions that you have?

lets not 

☔️ would you consider yourself a good person?

to a certain extent

😊 what do you like to do as hobbies?

use my phone???? send nice anons and comment on art/fics 

🎤 what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself?

none

🐝 what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it?

my tolerance for ppl’s shit is so low

🎨 what do you always doodle when you’re bored?

my ocs

🐻 what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams?

i dont have a dream hence myself

🌷 what’s your mbti personality and why do you think it suits you?

infpt i dont rmb shit but yeah

🐶 send me 3 fictional people and I’ll choose my favourite!

falen i dont rmb what u sent

👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why?

i dont follow any :-o zendaya has had my heart ever since shake it off tho

🐴 opinion on day6?

ur rly gonna do this 2m e?

all alone just started playng this is terrible lets get it

so day6. a band i only found out about in late june (thank u boxy) and before this i only ever listened to bts and mx bc my friends stan them so i thought i was gonna expect boys dancing, the usual. 

i clicked i smile and i lost my fucking shit as soon as i saw the instruments because prior to day6 i was a big 5sos fan so this was rly resonating to me tbh and i was just !!! so fukcng excited??? i never intended to even get into day6 honestly??? but after witnessing how good they are and watching about all of the available mvs at that point i was completely in awe so i caved a created a stan twitter for them.

now, this isnt even the most of it. after becoming a fan i realized how much more these 5 boys are. they compose (if im not wrong) and brian writes lyrics for the songs each month because of their everyday6 project and again, im wow-ed because??? the amount of dedication???? they went from releasing 2 title tracks in 2 years to releasing 12 title tracks and 12 bside tracks in a single year. they havent released the december song yet but haviing to work on 2 or more songs in 4 weeks is fucking amazing if you ask me. 

theyre really talented and theyre just so versatile (am i using that word correctly) and each month their songs sound different. this project has given them the opportunity to try new things and you can hear the steady improvement in each of their vocals (dowoonie not so much since he barely gets lines, but we all know hes working hard) and if you listen to their debut song - kongchu and compare it to the version they released along with sunrise it just???? the drumming has even changed from the original version nd its so noticeable that whenever i hear kongchu from 2015 i know its the old ver

to add to those, they do vlives every week and although those vlives are always scheduled it still makes my day seeing them and watching them do the usual. 

one thing im upset about is that how they barely promote themselves, they rarely get on variety shows (the most is individual schedules) and we, as mydays never really get to know the boys so its harder to fall for them as a whole. i dont know if its jyp or day6′s decision but if this is how they want to be known for - their music only, then so be it. we still have jae’s presence on youtube, music access and asc. thats the most we can get and it makes it difficult for us to learn about the rest but thats okay.

another thing. their concerts are something i always look forward to (even though my interest has died down a bit;) their concerts are just so fun to listen to?? there’ll always be mydays who stream the concert so everyone else can listen to them play and they sound so good live it drives me crazy. mydays are always so hyped and whenever mydays sing along it just gives me goosebumps??? bc theyre so???? good????? 

tldr; day6 deserve more, following wise and promotions wise because they work so hard and once this project ends i hope they’ll manage to rest but still remain as a presence that will be known instead of returning to jyp’s dungeon.

🍋 do you consider yourself an emotional person?

there are days where i am more emotional than usual 

📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them.

this is tiring

😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? does it help?

i sleep and boy it really helps

😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad?

rest

🌍 which country do you live in?

singapore

🐧 describe yourself in 3 words

lame funny swag

🐵 which quotes changed you?

“rocky swag” - park minhyuk, 2017

💭 do you keep a diary?

nope

💫 who inspires you?

brian kang 

👻 do you believe in ghosts and why?

yes bc i love losing sleep

🎀 what’s your fashion sense like?

terrible

🎬 what are some of your favourite films?

i watched spiderman homecoming and i have no idea why i didnt see the plot twist coming but its GOOD watch it

🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory?

theres none lads

🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be and why?

all my internet buddies but sometimes i dont want to bc im kinda....gross

[jordansyndicate]

Last Thoughts on Kurt Cobain

Wow. 25 years. I feel like now is the moment to share my story of how Kurt and Nirvana touched my life.

First some background: I grew up in a conservative Christian home. Secular music was, for the most part, verboten. In my pre-teen and even early teen years, my exposure to popular music was limited to some pop/rock records (Michael Jackson, Elton John, The Eagles, Simon & Garfunkel) and Great Falls' long-gone oldies station (1310 AM, KEIN).

That changed in 1994. I went to a friend's birthday party where music was playing throughout the evening. I heard hits from Whitney Houston, Salt-N-Pepa, Janet Jackson, Madonna, and more. I was amazed. I was just beginning to realize that there was a much wider world of music out there than I had previously been aware of. So I started listening to the Top 40 format radio station in town. I find delicious irony in the fact that Top 40 was my gateway into music discovery and appreciation, given that nowadays you wouldn't catch me listening to that format if my life depended on it. Then again, we are talking about Great Falls, MT - station choices in that market were (and remain to this day) sorely limited.

Among all the Ace of Base, Counting Crows, Paula Cole, and Lisa Loeb in early 1994 was something different: Nirvana's "All Apologies." Despite really liking that song, at that point I didn't even have a sense of who/what Nirvana was. In fact, Kurt's death was barely a blip on my radar during that freshman year of high school, only entering my consciousness via the expressions of grief from some of my classmates.

Flash forward about a year to when one of my friends gave me a mixtape containing several songs from Nevermind. The funny thing is I didn't have the realization that these songs I was falling in love with were Nirvana songs until some years later. I just knew this was something different, something visceral, honest, raw, and powerful.

Flash forward a few more years. In my first year in Seattle, I was frequently in the audience of Jet City Improv, a group that exists to this day (jetcityimprov.com). At that time they performed in a tiny theater in the U-District, and every night pre-show in the lobby they would play music; one song always in the rotation was "Smells Like Teen Spirit." And it was through that experience that I understood the intrinsic connection between Nirvana, grunge music, and Seattle...and I loved it. And over the years, it all became part of who I am.

Despite the fact that my childhood was radically different from Kurt's - I had no demons to exorcise or pent-up anguish to express - I felt a significant connection to the music, the lyrics, and the feeling conveyed in this noise of guitars and his voice that alternated between screaming, disinterested moodiness, and hypnotic charm. And that connection became stronger over the years as I slowly (in the pre-iTunes/YouTube days) explored more of their music and lived through a few difficult personal experiences for which Nirvana's raw, emotion-packed sound was often a balm. And it made no difference that I was diving in to the music 10-15 years after it was made; it remains vibrantly fresh and timely. The angst-filled intensity of the music facilitates catharsis and validates the listener's pain, joy, fear, hope - often all at once.

Perhaps no other performance better exemplifies this than their stripped down set on MTV Unplugged - the candlelit set, the special guest appearance by Meat Puppets, and Kurt's banter with the audience and the band - all indelible in my memory. That was such an intimate, otherworldly, unique moment, culminating in the unforgettable final chorus of "Where Did You Sleep Last Night," when Kurt seemed to be trying to expel all his pain as he belted out "shiverrrrrr...the whole...night through." So. Many. Goosebumps.

I recently embarked on what I would call my own personal Nirvana journey. It started in August 2017 when I saw Meat Puppets perform at the "Rock the Boat" celebration on Everett's waterfront. It was almost magical hearing them play their songs that Nirvana had introduced me to: "Plateau," "Oh, Me," and of course "Lake of Fire." And I would be remiss if I didn't mention that the show's headliner, none other than Sir Mix-A-Lot, graced us with his own abbreviated rendition of "Smells Like Teen Spirit." A few short weeks later I saw my first Giants in the Trees show down in Olympia. (In case you don't know - not very likely since you've read this far into a blog post about Nirvana - Krist Novoselic plays bass and accordion for Giants in the Trees.) I went to that show to see Krist but came away with a new treasured PNW band. Their energy and music welcome you in and show you a rockin' good time. I would see them 4 more times over the next year in various venues, leading up to the capstone of my journey: Foo Fighters with The Joy Formidable and Giants in the Trees at Safeco Field on 9/1/2018. And the best part? I had my sons with me. About halfway through the Foo's set, the much-anticipated (almost expected) moment came. Dave brought Krist on stage to play "Molly's Lips" - one of my favorite tracks from the Nirvana compilation that is Incesticide. Three quarters of Nirvana - Dave, Krist, & Pat - reminded us in that moment just how awesome Nirvana's music was, is, and ever shall be.

I still find myself at a loss for how to reconcile Kurt's genius and talent with the fact that it was largely driven by his lifelong demons that led him to cut his life tragically short. I wish he could have found some way to rise above his tortured existence and achieve a life of peace, wholeness, and hope. But I'm not sure if that path is available to everyone. There's a song by The Mountain Goats called "Love Love Love," and it includes a verse about Kurt ending his life. John Darnielle of The Mountain Goats had this to say about the song:

The point of the song is, you know, that we are fairly well damaged by the legacy of the Romantic poets–that we think of love as this, you know, thing that is accompanied by strings and it’s a force for good, and if something bad happens then that’s not love. And the therapeutic tradition that I come from–I used to work in therapy–you know, also says that it’s not love if it feels bad. I don’t know so much about that. I don’t know that the Greeks weren’t right. I think they were–that love can eat a path through everything–that it will destroy a lot of things on the way to its own objective, which is just its expression of itself, you know. I mean, my stepfather loved his family, right? Now he mistreated us terribly quite often, but he loved us. And, you know, well, that to me is something worth commenting on in the hopes of undoing a lot of what I perceive as terrible damage in the way people talk about this–love is this benign, comfortable force. It’s not that. It’s wild, you know?

So be grateful for the relationships and aspects of your life where you're lucky enough to interact with love as a constructive, affirming force, And try to be patient with those for whom that isn't the case, for whom love and life have left them battered and hurting. They probably need an easy friend with an ear to lend.

P.S. If you're at all curious about the details of Kurt's childhood, I highly recommend Charles R. Cross's biography Heavier Than Heaven.