#which puts me at what like. 40 minutes past recommended use limit? so a light burn isn’t surprising

[chipjrwibignaturals]

> apply sunscreen

> go outside

> reapply after an hour

> only spend 2 total hours outside

> sunburnt anyway

> mfw

[coldasyou]

How to gif without photoshop

Hello! By popular demand (of like 4 people) I am going to write out a tutorial of how I make gifs when I’m on my personal laptop and don’t have access to photoshop. There is another method I use with a different software that is a bit more complicated and if people are interested, I will make a tutorial of that method as well. I’ll do my best to keep this concise, so let’s get started. 

Warning that this is VERY text and image heavy because I know how frustrating it can be when a tutorial feels like it’s skipping steps and I want this to be as clear as possible. Also please read this on desktop, tumblr mobile kills the quality of gifs inside text posts.

This is the video I will be giffing and here is the gif I will be making!

What you need:

 A video to gif

For the best results, I recommend a video that is either 720p or 1080p (basically the higher the quality, the better). Videos with good lighting and bright colors also turn out the best. Unfortunately for me, I gif the TV show Prodigal Son a lot and that show has neither of those things, which is why my gif example is from that show; if you can make a scene with zero lighting or vibrancy look even somewhat decent, you can make anything else look good.

A video downloader or screen recorder

This is the video downloader I use and this is the screen recorder but basically any youtube video download website or screen recorder program works. Keep in mind that ezgif has a pretty low upload limit for videos, so if you want to gif something longer than like ~4 minutes, cut the video down to the specific parts you want first on a website like this one. 

ezgif

A very straight forward website that anyone can access. You don’t need to download anything, it’s all online. 

Bonus: Online Image Editor (not required, but I use this website to add text to gifs)

1. Making the gif:

Once you have a video downloaded, you go to ezgif.com and go to the section video to gif. Click choose a file, scroll to your downloaded video, and hit upload video. Your screen should look like this now.

There are two ways to pull out the sections of the video you want to gif. You can either write in the start and end time in the little sections (you have to convert them to seconds: for example, if my gif started at 1:16 and ended at 1:20, it would be 76 seconds and 80 seconds respectively). Or you can do the method that I feel is easier, where you go to the section you want it to start on, hit pause, and hit the blue button that says “use current position” then let the video play until it hits your stopping point, hit pause again, and click on the second “use current position” button.

Once you have the start and end time recorded, scroll down to the next part of the screen with the size options. For size, select “540xAUTO (for Tumblr)” since tumblr gif sizes start at 540p and go down the more gifs are in a row. For frame rate, try to do either 20 or 25; the higher the frame rate, the smoother the gif will look. If you are trying to gif something in 540p that is longer, you might need to chose 10 to keep it under 5mb, which is the tumblr gif size limit. For method, leave it on FFMPEG. Then hit, convert to gif.

your gif will now look something like this!

Now, this gif is currently 5.7mb, which is above the size limit for tumblr (5mb or above gifs will still play if I recall, but the quality will be really bad when you post them). If I was planning on keeping the gif this size, I would go back and change the frame rate to either 20 or 10 to get the size down. However, I am going to resize the gif to 268p, so I don’t need to worry about it being to big.

Using the correct gif size for tumblr is one of the easiest ways to make sure the gif looks good! For gifs that take up a whole row, the size should be 540p wide. For two gifs in one row, the size is 268p each. For three gifs in one row, the sizes are 177p, 178p, and 177p in that order. Here is a visual of it. 

The next step would normally be resizing the gif, but Prodigal Son youtube videos come with a black banner on the top and bottom that I need to crop out. You will see a menu full of options under your gif, and you want to click on “crop.”

Cropping is pretty straight forward; you just move the little box over the part you want cropped, then hit the “crop image” button. Make sure width stays 540p!

Your gif now looks like this

Next, you look at the options under your gif again, and go to “resize.”

Again, resizing is pretty straight forward. I just put in 268 into the “width” section and leave the “height” section blank since the site will automatically resize the height. You can ignore the other menu options.

Your gif now looks like this

Next step is optional, but I usually do it. Once again, you go to the menu of options under your gif and select “speed.”

Speed is also super straight forward. I almost always reduce the speed of my gifs somewhere from 90% to 80% no matter what, just because I think it makes it look smoother. For gifs that are of short scenes that go really fast, I will reduce it to anywhere from 70% to 50%. You can try different speeds to test out what you think looks best. For this gif, I’m going to put it at 80%.

Here’s what we have so far. Congrats, you have made a gif!

Now for the fun part!

2. Coloring the gif

Go to the “effects” option, in the menu under your gif. You will see a LOT of options, but the panels I’m going to focus on are “colorize”, “brightness and contrast” and “color presets”. This section is going to vary a lot depending on what specific video you are giffing so remember to be flexible and try lots of different options out! It took me a while to get to a place where I can just eye a scene and know what settings to use. It’s super easy to go back and tweak a setting if the gif doesn’t look like how you want it the first time, but it’s a lot of trial and error. 

The main option I focus on in the “colorize” section, is “saturation.” This is what will make all the color in your gif pop out. The saturation I use varies a ton; for scenes that already are colorful/bright, I usually keep it around 120 to 150, since you don’t want it to be over saturated. If I’m making an edit that is supposed to look toned down or more grey/neutral tones, I’ll decreases the saturation in the range of like 90-40. For a show like Prodigal Son, where there is basically zero color vibrancy, I tend to go full out with saturation, usually in the 150-200 range. For this gif, I have it all the way up to 200.

Next is brightness and contrast. This also varies wildly, but a good rule of thumb is I always try to keep my contrast at least 5 points higher than whatever my brightness is, it just makes the lighting more even. You need to find a good balance; obviously, the darker the scene, the higher you want the brightness and contrast, but if you go too high, the gif with be staticy/grainy. For Prodigal Son, which has horrible lighting, my brightness is anywhere from 10-30 and my contrast is anywhere from 15-35. For this gif, my brightness is on the lower side since the scene is outside in natural light; brightness is 16, contrast is 26. 

After you get those settings, I go over to “color presets” section and click on the “tint” option. It will pull up a color chart that looks like this

You ALWAYS want the intensity up to 100. This part is where the most trial and error occurs; there isn’t any one color option that works for every gif. The shade I use most often is light red/pink or light blue/light purple. For scenes that are lacking warm tones (which is almost all of Prodigal Son) I tend to go to the light reds, and for scenes that are lacking cool tones, I go to the light blues. The light reds are best for making characters skin tones look more...like actual skin tones and not totally washed out. To select a color, you just move your mouse around the chart. This is the range of color codes I tend to use.

Again, intensity should be up to 100 (it automatically starts at 50 and I was too lazy to move it while getting screen shots :P). 

For this gif, I actually used a new technique I’ve been trying out where I start with a light blue tint to even out the color tones, then once that gif is done, I go back to effects and add a layer of pink to make the colors brighter. Usually, one color works fine, but sometimes it’s hard to find a good balance (the red colors can get too red and the blue sometimes brings out too much of a yellow shade). For now, I have my color tint set at #eeebff. 

Ultimately, this is what my effect settings look like and this is what the gif looks like now. 

Now, like I said before, I added another layer of tint to this gif. All you have to do is go to the menu under your gif, and click on effects again.

It will take you back to the panel you were just on, expect now your colored gif is on the top and all the settings are blank again. The only setting you need to use now is the tint option; go there, and select a light red shade. I used #fff0f0.

And here is the final gif! To save it, just right click and hit “save image as.”

I know it seems like a long process, but once you get a hang of it, it goes by super fast, especially if all your gifs are coming from the same video.

BONUS: Adding text

If you are trying to gif something with dialogue or you want a quote to put over your gif, you will want to put text over it. ezgif has a “text” option that you can use if you want, but I personally don’t really like their font options, so I use the website Online Image Editor.

This is what it looks like. You can either hit “upload an image” and upload your saved gif, or you can go back to ezgif, right click the gif, hit “copy image url” and paste that url into the “upload from url” option. The web page should now look like this.

It’s pretty straight forward from here; click on the “add text” button and a menu will appear on the left hand with options for the text. 

Type whatever you want the caption to be in the “type text here” box. This website has a ton of font options you can play around with, but when I just want to caption a gif, I stick with “Arial Bold Italic.” For a 268p gif, the font size should be 10-12, depending on how much writing you plan to put on each gif (if some gifs are going to have more writing than others, pick a smaller font size so it stays consistent!) When I make a 540p, the font goes up to 14-16.  I use white for the color and black for the stroke. I make the strokewith 3 because it makes the caption stand out more. Once all these settings are selected, hit the “preview” button under the text box.

You can now drag your text anywhere you want on the image! The only bad thing about this website is that it doesn’t automatically center text, so you either have to eyeball it, or if you’re picky, like me, open up one of those online ruler applications and use it to measure out the center. For captions, I move the text just slightly above the bottom of the gif. 

Finally, you hit apply. Once your gif has the text on it, all you have to do to save it is right click it and hit “save image as.” And here is the finished project!

That got a lot longer than I thought it would, but I hope it was informative! If anything was unclear or if you have further questions, feel free to send me an ask. Thank you for reading.

[theydonotbindus]

In Itself - a Quiet Thing

On Ignis' gentle nature and how a father selected his son's Hand.

It had been a generation since these exams were held. After all, Regis' father didn't think he needed an advisor--he had been so sure that he could crush the war before his son took the throne. Now, though.... Well, now his son would become the King of Light. And the Astrals knew that Noctis would need all the help he could get. 

Regis looked over the exam's agenda one more time. It was very rigorously scheduled--four straight hours of ceaseless testing. As for the exam itself, it covered a broad scope of topics...and was not only designed to be impossible to finish in the allotted time, but each and every battle simulation was designed to be unwinnable. Scores were to be disregarded--he and Clarus were to look at how the children answered. It was almost assured at least one of the thirty children in the testing room would break down from the pressure during the examination, and as if his council hadn't already ensured the stakes would be high they wanted Regis to pace the halls around the exam room so the examinees would see him on their breaks and get nervous. With a sigh, the king pondered the morality around forcing so much stress on children. Yes, an advisor would need to be level-headed but the children testing were no older than eleven--these were levels of stress he wouldn't recommend for most adults. A knock sounded at his office door and he called for Clarus to enter. "Your Majesty, it's time." "To terrify children?" Regis quipped, earning an eye roll from his Shield. "To test them under pressure." --- True to his council's expectations, the children were definitely rattled by his appearance. A couple of them bowed, one little girl paled so much Regis feared she would faint, and most of the rest began to murmur quietly among themselves. He was only in his dress shirt and suit pants, but the ring on his hand gave away his position--and these children were all Lucian, they would recognize him regardless. Regis was concerned, though, as he took a back hallway back to his office fifteen minutes later. He had only counted 39 of 40 children. One may have been in the bathroom, (nobody had broken down yet, Clarus had informed him earlier), but even with as safe as the Citadel was, having a child roaming about still made him nervous. How many times had Noctis wandered into exactly where he wasn't supposed to be? He took another step forward and felt it--the shooting pain in his knee--and he allowed his body to sink to the floor in order to take pressure off of the leg. An old injury to his knee some ten years ago would occasionally flare and render the ligaments useless...doctors assured him it would be nothing more than a minor inconvenience until he was seventy but he doubted they considered the strain of the Wall. Pushing his back against the wall, Regis had resigned himself to wait it out; either he would be able to bear weight on the knee in a few moments or Clarus or Cor would find him shortly. Some king, left to slump in the halls of his own palace.... "...Sir? Are you okay?" The accent startled him first, then the higher pitch of the voice, and Regis whipped his head to the right to find himself looking at a young boy who had knelt down beside him. He must have approached as he fell, but...why was there a child from Tenebrae in the Citadel? "I...I'm fine, young man. I just have a bad knee, it hurts sometimes." Seafoam green eyes sharpened at him, and Regis swore the child had to be mentally chastising him. "People that are fine don't sit on the ground without a reason." Something told Regis that this was his 40th examinee. "If I told you I would be fine, would you believe that, then?" The child nodded briskly. "Yes. Do you want me to get help?" "Ah...no. It's alright. What are you doing here?" The little face went from concerned to reassuring, and he patted Regis' much larger hand as a silent comfort. "I'm here taking a test." "Then shouldn't you be in your exam room?" "There was a question about Cosmogony on the test. They said we couldn't use the library but nobody said the mural was off-limits...I saw it coming in. Do you think I'll be in trouble?" Regis bit back a laugh at the honesty with which he'd just revealed his loophole. "Not at all. Maybe they should have given you more rules, hm?" Shoes clacked on the floor and he glanced up to see ever-vigilant Cor, face more drawn than usual. "Cor. I'm alright, come here and meet my new friend." The Crownsguard member approached, eyes swishing from Regis to the boy, and his perpetual frown deepened. "Hello." "This is my friend Cor," Regis said to his companion. "And I haven't gotten your name." "I'm Ignis, Ignis Scientia." The boy stood and extended his hand to Cor, who had to stoop to take it. He tugged at the soldier's hand and Cor cautiously leaned closer--Ignis whispered to him before turning back to Regis. "I have to go back to my test now. Take care." "He didn't ask for my name," Regis said as Cor knelt in front of him. "Didn't need to. Smart little guy." "Why do you say that?" Regis asked, wincing as the Immortal experimentally prodded his knee. "Told me to please help the king. Said he was trying to hide that he needed help."  Sighing, Cor looped Regis' arm over his own shoulders and stood, helping to support his weight. "Tell Clarus I want to see his exam," the king instructed. --- Ignis Scientia. A Scientia was a lesser member of his council, and the man had pulled him aside a few days prior. His nephew had recently come under his care, the boy's parents having been killed in an Imperial raid, and his nephew was interested in taking the examination to be the prince's advisor. Of course, he told Regis, his nephew was only six and he didn't expect him to score higher than the older participants, but, well...the boy liked puzzles and he was lonely. In the hallway, Ignis had shown himself to be gentle and clever, as well. Clarus was looking over the first section of his exam while Regis reviewed the second. "This equation is wrong," Clarus said, marking it. "...That's theoretical calculus and you and I both would get it wrong. And the boy is six." "The eleven year-old got it right." "And has had nearly twice as long to learn, Clarus." Regis looked up at the man. "An advisor needs more than sheer intelligence." "It is the first one he's missed out of 30," the Shield admitted. "I just want to make sure you consider the others as well, considering the boy charmed you." Regis continued to scan short answers (insightful, although it was jarring to see them in a child's handwriting) and check the answers for logic puzzles, already mostly decided when he turned to the next page and stopped. He read the lines twice before bursting into laughter, pushing the book to Clarus. Around 10:15 AM, I encountered King Regis in the hallway. Please make sure he sees a doctor about his leg. I'm concerned he's going to try to hide the injury. The Shield's eyes warmed at he looked at the writing. "And already primed to call a king on his shit, my friend." --- Where his uncle was beaming behind him, young Ignis was quietly subdued as he stood before the king. Regis couldn't stop the small smile that crossed his face when he saw the boy peering at his leg. "Ignis, do you know why I've called you here?" "Is it about my behavior last week, sir?" Regis frowned. "In the hallway? Whatever for?" "I didn't treat you with the proper respect, Your Majesty. Even though I knew you were...." "I was actually hoping you could enlighten me about that," Regis said. "Why did you act like you didn't know who I was?" Ignis darted his bright eyes to Clarus just behind Regis, to his uncle, to Cor at the entrance to the throne room. "...May I be honest?" Cautious. Considerate. Regis spared a glance to his Shield, who nodded. "Certainly, I ask for nothing less." "You were ashamed." Ignis is now staring at Regis' shoes, frowning. "When you fell, your face.... I thought it would hurt more if I recognized you." Clarus makes a soft noise in the back of his throat, a noise Regis has long since learned to associate with pride towards young Gladio. Cor is watching from the doorway, and Regis can see him mouthing "six years old" to himself. Clearing his throat, Regis replied. "That was very kind of you. I appreciate your...discretion." He's rewarded with a slow, soft smile in return. "You're welcome, sir." Regis begins to tell him about his score on the exam--highest overall--and is just about to praise Ignis on his clever solution to the Cosmogony question when his son's nursemaid hurries past Cor. "King Regis, sir! Noctis is...well, he's...." He knows the look on her face and sighs. "Another tantrum?" In hindsight, it shouldn't have surprised him at all when Ignis asked if he could follow. --- Clarus gingerly stepped out of the way of a teddy bear--in his rage, the young prince had inadvertently put a barrier around it, which meant impact would hurt. As his Shield made sure the other child was safely behind him, Regis watched from behind the doorway as Noctis sobbed out something he couldn't understand to the frantic maid. Ignis' eyes caught the light in that strange way again, and he silently stepped past Clarus and walked over to the red-faced prince, settling himself primly on the ground next to Noctis as he continued to cry. His son sensed the new person in the room and stilled for a moment, sniffling up at the other boy. "Hello," Ignis said, and Noctis began to shrink away. In return, Ignis leaned back so he was just a bit farther from the prince. "What's the matter?" Regis definitely hadn't been expecting his son--cheerful, usually, but shy--to reply. "...It's playtime," was all the four year-old offered. Ignis frowned at that, then looked at the toys that hadn't been thrown. Two cars and a track, a small pile of stuffed toys, two wooden practice swords. "Somebody was supposed to play with you?" "...Wanted Dad to," the smaller boy sniffed. "But he's too 'portant." "Well, I'm not too important," Ignis smiles. "I can play with you." "...Do you read?" "Yes." "Can we read stories?" "Yes," Ignis said again, rising and holding out his hand to the heir to the throne. Noctis took it. "But can you wash your face first?" --- A week later, Noctis smiles as he grasps Ignis' hand again--between both of his, this time--and Regis knows he's made the right decision.

[roro-robot]

I passed my driving test!!

Probably the most accurate GIF I could find of how I reacted lol. (Sorry if it’s making you dizzy... it’s starting to make me a bit... lol)

After spending about 20 minutes (illegally) practicing the road courses (and getting hella stressed bc SW does NOT know how to criticize), I managed to pass the course test, get a permit, (legally) practice the courses a bit, then take the road test, which I almost failed off the bat thanks to a sticky emergency brake! 

I figured that I would write down some of the steps (aka the 3 tests), and what I used in case anyone else is interested in taking the test! 

(Hopefully under the read more lol)

So basically there are three parts of the test (ALL of which can be taken in English [and prob other more common languages too], woo!):

The written test

The course test

The road test

So first up, the written test. I used the Android app (only for Android, sorry) Pass! Korean Driver’s License to study the questions on the test. These questions are basically taken from all of the past tests, and they have a TON to study. The written test only has about 40 questions, but the English translations are a bit complex and tricky (at least for me). Unfortunately for me, I got a lot of pick two answers questions (which I’m terribly, horribly, no good, very bad at). If you study through the app longer than I did (which was around 30 minutes total lol), you’ll easily pass. You only need 60% to pass, which was a blessing for me. You get about 40 minutes to take the test, and to be honest most of the questions are easily answered through common sense (besides the penalty questions). 

Steps for the written test: Fill out the application form, watch a movie (with subs in English and other languages available --- I had Chinese subs since I was late) for about an hour (also it’s pretty entertaining if you like K-dramas), get a stamp to prove that you watched it, then sign up for the written test (which is computerized).

Next up, the course test. This one is actually a LOT harder because a) it’s all very technical, and b) a machine (aka the car and a BUNCH of sensors) is scoring you. To pass, you need 80%! The courses are all basically the same, and you can find videos on YouTube. My main issue with taking the test today was basically that I thought the emergency brake was down since it wouldn’t go down (it wasn’t, oops! Realized when I tried to move), and I forgot about the emergency stop so it took me a bit longer to stop than I should’ve. BUT surprisingly a LOT of people failed the test really quickly (I watched 3 people fail one after the other).

I used these two sources to basically help me (although the YouTube has the video from the DMV with a voice over explaining it better in English with hints): 

https://www.reddit.com/r/korea/comments/6armv0/updated_guide_to_the_drivers_license_exam_for_the/

For the road test, each course varies. For Gangseo-gu (where I took the test), they have 4 courses (A-D) and they had the course maps on the homepage... somewhere. SW found them for me ^^;; I’m assuming that all of the DMVs have the course maps on their pages, so please take a look around to see if you can find it (I’ll ask SW later how he found it so there are better directions). The course test takes about 20 minutes and you need 70% to pass. 

Testing procedure:  you have a proctor and another student in the car with you. The car is rigged with sensors and an app that automatically deducts points if you fail to do certain things. The app is basically a GPS without the map, and the language can be switched to English (which is a bit strange). You 

If you’ve driven in the states, it shouldn’t be too hard. Once again, the emergency/hand brake was the bane of my existence and almost caused me to fail before I even took the car out of park. Thankfully, the proctor let me have one more go before she failed me. The most important thing to remember is putting the car in neutral at red lights, how to do U-turns properly, and using the blinker well (you have to use the left one to exit out of the parking lane at the start of the test). I was basically super cautious, went a bit under the limit, and I have no idea what I actually scored. I’m just too grateful that I didn’t have to do it again, since tests TERRIFY me and make me feel stressed no matter how much I studied/am capable. I’ll update this better information on how to find the course information... but after you finish the course test, they give you a map of the road test courses. It all depends on the DMV surrounding area. It shouldn’t be more than 5KM to drive, though. Typically, there is at least 1 U-Turn (not including the one to turn around to park when you reach the test center). 

This is the course map  for the Gangseo-gu DMV:

http://dl.koroad.or.kr/PAGE_license/gangseoLic/view.jsp?code=102210&isSkin=Y&cmd=view&boardCode=100979&page=&bseq=131170&tt=7

Basically, just search (city) (... 구) 운전면허시험 도로주행코스도 and it’ll hopefully pop up. Notes: 

I took the test at Gangeo-gu in Seoul, which I HIGHLY recommend. The area isn’t insanely crowded, and I didn’t notice too many cars on the road... making the road test much less stressful. 

You do watch the DMV instructional movies for both the course and road tests before you’re allowed to take it (usually in the group), so don’t expect to start right away. The videos have subtitles, thankfully (at least the road test did... the course one is a bit of a haze).  A worker also goes over the various penalties and how many points are taken off (which was all in Korean so I ignored since I didn’t want to stress out further). 

Anyways, that’s basically all I can remember from the test. Hopefully this helps you out! Let me know if you end up passing the tests or have any other questions!

@sealbb 

[jeremystrele]

An Honest Conversation On Single Parenting By Choice + Donor Conception With Takeawei Ceramics Founder, Chela Edmunds

An Honest Conversation On Single Parenting By Choice + Donor Conception With Takeawei Ceramics Founder, Chela Edmunds

Family

by Lucy Feagins, Editor

Inside the Jan Juc, Victoria home of Chela Edmunds from Takeawei Ceramics, and her daughter Ocean. Photos – Nikole Ramsay

Chela and Ocean! Photos – Nikole Ramsay

Chela decided to have a child at age 40, and Ocean was conceived via sperm donor and IVF. Photo – Nikole Ramsay

This home is warm, earthy and full of pastel colours – just like Chela’s label, Takeawei ceramics! Photos – Nikole Ramsay

As well as being a mother, Chela runs a business encompassing designing, making, running classes, wholesaling, an online shop, bricks and mortar store, and soon-to-launch Airbnb! Photo – Nikole Ramsay

‘I would like Ocean to grow up proud of her birth story and her life. I think that talking openly with respect to all parties involved is important,’ says Chela. Photo – Nikole Ramsay

Australian women are increasingly seeking assisted reproductive treatments and choosing to become single mothers, but it’s not often we hear these stories openly shared. 

Someone who can speak to this experience is ceramicist Chela Edmunds, owner of Takeawei, whose gorgeous 18-month-old daughter Ocean was donor conceived. 

From deciding to become a single parent at 40, and the intimate details of the IVF process, there wasn’t a single question that was off limits in our interview with Chela. We’re so grateful she shared her family story with us.  

Have you always wanted to become a mother?

I always enjoyed being around children, but I hadn’t given motherhood much thought. I guess I just assumed one day I would meet the right partner, at the right time, and we would have children together. 

I turned 40 and making the decision to have a child was probably the hardest thing I’ve done. I had so many questions that just couldn’t be answered: would I miss being free to do as I please? Would I be a good parent? Would Father’s Day be awkward at school? Would I be enough…just one parent?

I felt that I would be happy and fulfilled with or without a child. Some people seem to know without a doubt that they want children, so did I want it enough?

The deciding moment came when a friend asked how I’d feel if I found I was pregnant right then, and I was so elated with love that I just knew I wanted to be a mum, and all those other questions could be worked out along the way.

What did your life look like when you decided to have a child?

I had just turned 40, and I was happy where I was in life, career, geography, and I felt financially stable. I had spent most of my 20s partying and traveling and my 30s focused on career and building my small business. I didn’t have a partner and I wanted to have a family, so I had to be proactive about it and take steps to make that happen. 

How did you then eventually decide on the donor conception route?

I initially went to the IVF clinic to see about getting my eggs frozen and see how my fertility was tracking. My first appointment I was shown a pretty bleak graph with age versus eggs, and later my test results seemed to confirm that my chances of becoming pregnant were slim. It was then I realised I had no obligation to wait for a mythical partner before starting a family, and it was now or harder the longer I waited. 

Choosing a donor was just part of the process to me, as I didn’t have anyone I would ask to be in a father role or share parenting. 

The most common questions I receive are misconceptions about donors (don’t call them dad) and their role, which is fair enough, because I didn’t know much about sperm donation until I went to the clinic, received the compulsory counselling sessions, and did my own research about the process.

What exactly is involved in the IVF treatment and process?

Blood tests, hormone treatment, lots of self injecting, then choosing a sperm donor, egg harvesting, and an embryo transfer a few days later.

I had gone on a holiday prior to starting the process, ate well, gave up smoking and drinking, and received acupuncture and craniosacral therapy to help me feel balanced. 

I found the worst part was the wait from egg harvesting – watching embryos not make it – and finally after the embryo transfer being told how important it was to stay stress free and happy in order to give the transfer the best chance of success. I was also opening my first solo retail store with Takeawei at the time, and just generally in the thick of Christmas trade 2019, so it was not an ideal, stress-free environment! 

They even recommend watching comedies that I just bawled my way through and then felt bad about crying. Being light and cheerful is really so hard when you are full of hormones and wondering if this little life inside you is going to make it. 

I was surprised and finally genuinely cheerful when I found out the transfer had taken the first time.

What was your resulting pregnancy like?

I loved it. I felt like mother nature with all the changes in my body but also the changes to my mind.  I think I became kinder also – like I could see the child in everyone – and I really stopped worrying about small stuff. 

I would get really tired some days but I knew those were the days when Ocean was doing some serious growing so it made me feel everything was going well. 

Mostly I was just a bit slower and rounder, and I could smash three punnets of blueberries in five minutes.   

Were you able to take much time off work after Ocean was born?

I took three months parental leave where I left the day-to-day running of Takeawei in the capable hands of my staff. Here and there I would answer emails or jump online and do a website update or Instagram post.

Most of all I was just really happy to spend down time at home getting to know Ocean and stare at her for hours. I don’t think I put her down for the first month. 

Ocean is 18 months now and she has just started daycare, so although I have been working, it’s a very different work schedule. I do most work at night. 

How do your days now start and end with Ocean?

We co-sleep so waking up to Ocean saying ‘up up!’ and giving me a kiss is a good start to the day. 

Usually I just grab a coffee at home, have a little breakfast on the balcony, and watch the dogs get walked or the garbage truck come past. 

If Ocean is up for it we take snacks and the push trike up to our local cafe and onto the lookout at Jan Juc beach, or to the park for a play. After that we are both pretty tired so we have something to eat and while Ocean naps I get some work calls or emails done, tidy up a bit, and then Ocean is usually awake again. 

The second part of the day we grab a snack and might go to the studio for about an hour to take some photos of pieces, chat with my colleague Tessy about what we are making and firing, and any orders we have. 

If we have time I’ll take Ocean to the park or the beach before we go home, and then her dinner, bath and bedtime starts around 4.30pm. I eat with her, but it feels really weird having dinner at 4.30pm, so I usually have another dinner later and do some work on the computer. Once Ocean is asleep, I read or watch a movie if I haven’t fallen asleep feeding Ocean. 

I throw a lot of things on the back burner as the most important thing is getting the food and sleep we need some days. I’m excited for both of us now that Ocean has just started daycare two days a week. I feel like she will get the play she needs with other kids and I will get some time to do so many of those things on the back burner. My mum and aunt babysit once a week while I teach, and I love that they have a close relationship with Ocean. 

Who have been your greatest supporters as a parent? 

My mum, Pauline, is just my biggest support always. She was the first to jump in and say ‘of course you can do it’ when I first questioned having a baby. She told me it would be hard and it would also be fun, which is so true. Mum came and stayed with us the first month; she took care of me so I could take care of Ocean. 

My friends have also been a great support. I had three close friends at Ocean’s birth and I’m so thankful to all my friends that made sure I was fed for months afterwards, or held Ocean while I took a shower.

What have you learned since becoming a mother?

To be kinder – everyone is dealing with their own stuff. 

What advice would you give to other single women hoping to have children?

How do you explain to someone how hard something can be but how none of that matters when so much love fills your life?

Having Ocean is the best thing I have ever done, I love her beyond words. I would like Ocean to grow up proud of her birth story and her life. I think that talking openly with respect to all parties involved is important. 

Also, don’t let the washing get out of control – it will bury you. 

FAMILY FAVOURITES

Family activity or outing?

We love to go to the beach. 

Cafe? 

Our local, Swell.

Ideal ‘me time’ activity?

Hamam or a surf.

Sunday morning breakfast ritual? 

Anything with lots of eggs, because Ocean likes cracking them and would do the whole carton if I let her!

Weekend getaway?

Down along the Great Ocean Road to Lorne.

Shop Takeawei Ceramics online or at their new store at 120 Gertrude Street, Fitzroy.

If you’re interested in learning more about donor conception, and the experiences of donor-conceived children, Chela recommends the following resources: varta.org.au wearedonorconceived.com

[roadtrip-2020]

Park City, Utah.

We were really excited to spend an entire week in one place: Park City. We wanted to do a whole week here because we had a lot of friends in Park City that we wanted to see. It ended up being so nice settling into a place and finally unpacking/relaxing a bit rather than being on the go constantly and living out of our car and suitcases. 

Where we stayed

We rented the cutest one bedroom miner’s cottage right off of Main street. We rented directly from the management company, Vacasa. It was a very tiny cottage, but worked perfectly for the two of us. 

Chris and I had both been to Park City multiple times before for ski trips with our families and usually stay in ski in/ski out condos. That’s really the move during the winter, but if you’re going off season like we were, staying right off Main street is ideal. 

What we loved:

Location, location, location!

Cute design

Big bathroom

Cute porch

What we didn’t love:

Old kitchen appliances, the stove top we had to manually light every time

No parking spot - there was a parking lot across the street so we just parked in there but it might be more difficult in the Winter / busy season as I believe there is a time limit peak season.

Small space overall, but worked for our needs! Might be tighter with full winter/ski gear

What we did

We did a loooot of lounging, to be honest! As I said, we were excited to settle in. It was also pretty cold when we were there - low 40s mostly - so we were happy to cozy up at home in front of the TV and cook. We made it out to meet up with friends a few times and went hiking on a trail at Park City Mountain Resort, but it wasn’t anything to write home about, to be honest. I’ve put together a list of some of our fav spots and activities from this trip, and trips’ past, below.

Coffee and Breakfast:

Harvest - Our fav for coffees/chai lattes and breakfast

The Bridge - A fun outdoor brunch spot right beneath the Park City Mountain town lift. Diner breakfast food. 

Dinner:

Shabu - High-end Asian fusion

Yuki Yama Sushi - Trendy Sushi spot

Chimayo - Southwest cuisine (I haven’t been but Chris and his family LOVE)

Riverhorse on Main - American fine dining

Bars:

No Name Saloon - Best dive bar in Park City! An institution! Also, great sunsets from the rooftop deck

High West Distillery - Another Park City institution. I’ve only been for drinks but supposedly they have good food, too!

The Spur Bar & Grill - Live music, good vibes, drinks and pretty good bar food.

Hikes:

Bald Mountain via Ontario Trail - We couldn’t do this one because it was arm season and the lifts were closed, but Chris has done it before and loves it. 5 miles out and back.

Lake Mary Trail - So this one is like an hour outside of Park City, but came highly recommended by our local friends. It’s a short 2.6 mile hike to a beautiful lake.

Nobletts Creek Trail - This was a beautiful, easy hike we did one day with friends and it goes along a stream. 2.1 miles out and back. It’s by Heber City, about 20 minutes outside of Park City.

Hiking Park City Mountain - Damn, I forgot how tiring hiking a ski mountain is! Plus, that altitude, woah! I cannot for the life of me remember which exact trails we took, because I remember we ended up doing 3-4 that connected to make a loop from the base of the ski mountain, up, around, and back down. We ended up logging something like 11 miles that day and I was ZONKED. 

Skiing:

Park City Mountain Resort - Huge resort, many runs of all kinds. Connected by a gondola to Canyons resort, which Park City/Vail resorts bought. I’ve skied this mountain a few times and really enjoyed it. Skiing and Snowboarding allowed.

Deer Valley - As skiers, Chris and I LOVE Deer Valley. They are well-known for being ski only (no snow boarders), which is part of the appeal. I’ve only been once, but I noticed much smaller lines than at most resorts. Plus, they have a Veuve Cliquot Champagne yurt mid-mountain. What’s not to love?!

We also went into Salt Lake City one evening to go to Top Golf. At the time, I was reluctant and thought “why are we going all the way to Salt Lake to drink and golf?”, but it ended up being super fun. 

Comment or message if you have specific questions about Park City, happy to help! 

[justinbrownphotographer]

Bali - Indonesia

So, after much research about our next holiday we finally chose Bali, Indonesia. One thing that we know can be an issue when being a Vegan is the destination is not Vegan friendly (food-wise, we cannot go into another country and change their culture). Using youtube, Instagram and Google we established the best place for a chilled out vibe and Vegan options in abundance was a town/city (I am not sure if they have cities in Bali except Denpasar) Ubud. 

All set to go, we finished work on the Wednesday, jumped into the car and headed for Birmingham Airport, parked the car, grabbed our cases, ran for the bus. A few minutes later we were in the Airport, we located our boarding area and checked in. Once checked in you finally feel a weight lifted of the shoulders and you can think about getting into holiday mode. Fast forward 17 hours (flights we with Emirates, 7 hours to Dubai, 9 hours to Bali, Airbus was great).

Once we finally got through Bali customs, we were looking out for our driver, we spotted him. Whilst walking through Bali Airport (Denpasar), it takes a while to sink in, but you realise they have trees and gardens within the airport, which was a bit surreal. Our driver then told us to wait in the carpark whilst he went to collect his vehicle. At this point you begin to notice how warm it was, just from standing and waiting, you could feel your forehead starting to gather beads of sweat. After about 10 minutes the driver returned, we jumped in the taxi and headed to Ubud (about 40 min away). I will not comment too much about the roads in Bali, if you are from Europe, you will be confused how it works and how are there so few accidents, but some how it works, so leave what you know about driving back home when you come to Bali. Our place of residence for the next nine nights was Pecatu Guesthouse (via AirBnB). This place was immaculate and the hosts were forever accommodating. 

Emirates Vegan Meal

View from Airbus Window

One of the Best Hip Hop Albums ever!!

Our Room at Pecatu Guesthouse

After a bit of sleep Pecatu Guesthouse we were treated to breakfast, pancakes and fruit. We ate our breakfast on the roof top, where they have a swimming pool also. When you first walk onto the rooftop you realise why there is a garden within Denpasar Airport. For as far as the eye can see, just trees, plants, flowers etc. I think it is safe to say it would be harder to stop things to try and grow here.

View from Rooftop of Pecatu Guesthouse

View from Rooftop of Pecatu Guesthouse

Pool on Rooftop of Pecatu Guesthouse

Pancake with Coconut

I will not go through what we did every single day, so I will summarise the best things about Bali (everything in my opinion). Firstly, the main reason(s) why people choose Ubud over the other places like Canggu, Nusa Dua etc (surfing areas). Ubud offers Yoga and plenty of Vegan options. The main place for Yoga in Ubud was a place called the Yoga Barn, we did not get chance to go here, but from speaking to people who met and spoke to they highly recommended this place. Ubud also has a spiritual vibe about the whole place, you will smell incense whilst walking around as all the residents will burn this during offerings, which take place throughout the day. The offerings may be placed high or low, either way a bird can eat some of the food and stray dogs/cats can eat. There is a balance between giving and taking with the Balinese people. However, they are more inclined to give than to take. The Ridge Walk, which is just towards the north of Ubud offers valleys surrounded with vegetation (coconut, papaya, banana trees). But, again feels quite spiritual, when walking around there early morning do not be surprised if you see locals and tourists/travellers doing some Yoga or meditation. 

Decorations

Host of Pecatu Guesthouse (Ibu)

Papaya Tree

Secondly, the food. Coming from UK where you have to search far and wide, read ingredient lists, and question restaurant staff, this was not the case here in Ubud. Obviously, they had places that sold meat etc, but there was a vast amount of places that served Vegan or Raw food. The foods were full of flavour and oozed freshness. The main difference I think from our short stay here in Bali is the food does not seem to have a processed element to it. Also, all the ingredients are locally sourced. If, you like spicy food (I do), you may find the food a bit tame with heat, so when you ask for extra chilli or spicy, they will provide chopped red chilli in a small bowl, I considered this an inconvenience initially, but then when I tried the chilli, I was like OH!, the chillis are very hot, hence why they do not mix it with you meal. Regarding the cost of food, a typical meal for two people with a drink, main and dessert would vary from between 250-300,000 Rupiah, which is about (at the time) £13-16. When speaking to a local taxi driver, we concluded in Ubud from the market you can buy 1kg of cucumbers for approx £1, I told him for one solitary Organic Cucumber in England this will cost you around £1.60, he laughed!! Even though Ubud has all of these great food places that offer Vegan/Raw food, you would not necessarily see any locals eating in there. I do not know whether this was down to cost or it is something they would not particularly eat.  I will try not to post too many pictures of food. 

Raw Courgette Lasagne @ House of Chakra

Green Fiend @ Kafe

Balinese Curry @ Atman Kafe

Babur Inji @ Atman Kafe

Crepe Dessert @ Creperie

Pulled Jack Fruit with Salad and Lemonade @ Sage 

In this next part I will try and explain the culture and places that we visited around Bali. If, you are not a fan of or have a fear of dogs, I would not recommend travelling to Bali, they are everywhere. From what I seen approximately 5% of them had owners, otherwise they just roam around either by themselves or in little packs. Generally they are harmless and may be a bit vocal. However, one tip I will give you is these dogs do not like it when you run past them. I went for an early run to the Ridge Walk and back to Pecatu Guesthouse (approx. 7-8 miles), I probably past 30-40 dogs on the whole run, the dogs were on the other side of the road or at least 5-10 metres away, on the way back near my hotel, I could see this dog looking at me, whether I got to close (even though I had no choice due to pavement size, approx. 1 metre), the dog bit my shorts. Luckily I did have on undershorts, so the bite did not pierce my skin, but it put a hole in my shorts. Obviously, getting bit by a dog in Bali would be a problem, hospital, vaccinations etc... 

The people of Bali are forever well spoken and polite. They may only ask you once if want a taxi and then wont ask you again until they see you again later on that day. They do not hassle you endlessly, they even say ‘thank you’, when you have declined. The pavements in Bali can be a bit tricky, in the sense not very level, with slabs missing here and there. So, definitely do not try to walk on the pavements and get caught up looking around too much, as you may trip over. People in Ubud, Bali are incredibly talented, they still make loads of things by hand, whether it be fencing, photo albums, pieces of art work, carvings, I think the only time we seen machinery was in Denpasar where they were building new roads. The children in Bali are always happy and dressing up as the Barong whilst playing native instruments and getting donations from tourists. One thing that confused me a bit when first walking around the streets of Bali were these small shops selling fluid in bottles, it was not water or soft drinks, it clicked when I seen a person on a scooter pull up and ask for one of the bottles then started to pour the contents into their scooter, it was a petrol station.

Mosaic

Typical Street in Ubud

Lighting Shop

Blacksmith

Young Kids

Young Kids Happy

Petrol Station

Regarding money we found it useful to exchange money on a daily basis, as we did not spend much, so I think if we were to have exchanged for example £1000 (UK) to Rupiah (at the time £1 = R17,600) we would have been walking around with R17,600,000.00. We exchanged £100 (UK) almost everyday, but some days we did not need to as we had money left over from the previous day.

We visited a Barong Dance, which is a cultural story between good and evil. We visited a waterfall, which I would recommend, due it being so hot in Bali that cool water goes down a treat. We visited a coffee plantation, where we tried twelve different coffees and teas, which were all grown locally on the plantation, safe to say some were nicer than others. We visited the main temple on Bali Pura Besakih on Mount Agung, this temple is massive, it has many parts to it. The local guide explained to us all the ceremonies that take place here, all the past eruptions, the duration of some of the ceremonies, the buildings all have seven parts to the roofs to correspond to the seven chakras in the body, and finally Bali is Hindu, but Buddhist Hindu with Shiva being their main God. We trekked up Mount Batur a previously once active volcano opposite Agung. This was quite a tough trek at 0200, but we had to start trekking this early to catch the sunrise. I am relatively fit and found it quite manageable, however we seen a few people who could not carry on, so I would recommend if you plan to do a trek, try to acquire some fitness. 

Barong Dance

Waterfall

Coffee Testers

Pura Besakih

Pura Besakih

Mount Agung from the top of Batur

After leaving Ubud we went to a place called Amarta Retreat in Tabanan, we thought after being in Ubud we may want to experience a nice chilled out place. The hotel location was on the beach front, which was nice. The staff were so friendly and polite. The menu was very limited compared to the amount of choice within Ubud, the food menu was very European, I do not think there was a authentic Balinese food option. This location was that remote that by the third day we jumped into a taxi and went to the next beach location down, Canggu. Canggu was a bit more lively, full of surfers, travellers and vegan options. There was a definite difference between the type of people here compared to Ubud, a bit more younger and alcohol friendly. We spent the evening in Canggu and walked up and down the main road, one place that stood out the most was a place called Ji, after speaking to a staff member in there, she explained the building within the building was a temple carried from Japan approx. 300 years ago when there was conflict between China and Japan, it is now rebuilt and the restaurant Ji is here. 

Amarta Retreat

Amarta Retreat

Amarta Retreat

Ji

Ji

Ji

Concluding, would we go back to Bali (Indonesia) again? Without doubt!!

What would we do differently, travel to different parts maybe Java, Seminyak, Gili Islands and trek Mount Rinjani. We would definitely still go back to Ubud. 

[dcnativegal]

It is the law of all progress that it is made by passing through some stages of instability -- and that it may take a very long time. (de Chardin)

My mind, my heart, is awake and brave.

I do not know my mind and heart as separated. I know myself, through a glass, darkly.  Physician, heal thyself, applies to me, although I’m a mere social worker.

Today I am all about metaphors and clichés.

I have been about healing myself since I sought out psychotherapy in the 10th grade: I was the first self-referred adolescent anyone could remember at that public clinic in DC. I have been healing the betrayal of a limited and dangerous faith, Christian Science, since that morning I discovered that my grandmother was cold and stiff in her bed at the age of 65, dead from preventable causes. I went on to school that day, after telling my little sister to go tell Mom that Nana had died. I was 15. It was that year, 1975, that I called Bullshit on how I’d been raised. I started in earnest to separate the wheat of the many gifts and legacies I was given, from the chaff of illness, limitation, cruelty, which grew up right alongside.

Apparently, it’s a lifetime pursuit.

One thing about moving to so radically different a physical location (DC to Paisley) is that the usual thoughts and routines were stripped from my consciousness and I was plopped down as if by helicopter into a new world. I’m still learning where I am, physically. I’m still discerning the subtleties of Eastern Oregon etiquette. I am not known, yet, not very deeply, so I have settled into a now familiar loneliness. Nevermind “Question Authority”. I question everything. What I knew Before, without thinking a whole lot about it, floods in and fills up the spaces that had been stripped by the new environment, flooding in like the water does after an underwater earthquake. Past memories pull away, so strangely. And then flood back in a tsunami.

Which is why what I’ve been writing since I got to the Oregon Outback feels like memoir. My awareness is filled with the Before, alternating with The Brand New. It makes my brain full to overflowing. Some evenings, I go to bed at 7pm. I dream of cities.

**

For the past month or more, I have felt tears very close to the surface, multiple times a day, and they spill over if I let them.

Because…

·       I have been living in this skin for almost six decades

·       I am well trained and broadly experienced as a clinical social worker for three decades

·       And I am ­­familiar enough with my own experience as a client in psychotherapy…

I know that something is up. I am living in the midst of not knowing what it is. Which I can actually tolerate, although I do so hate crying at the beginning of a work day because part of my brain is just mush after that.

I had a big cry at the beginning of a work day recently. I noticed later in the day, that I was looser and more open with my clients, a bit braver with my questions of them, a bit more tuned in. I also had to monitor myself in a different way that the usual self-monitoring. I had to see if my inner turmoil was skewing the session, more than usual. A big part of being a psychotherapist is working to keep my shit from contaminating their shit. Or maybe I could pick a nicer metaphor. How about I keep my water colors inside myself, and let them paint their own picture with their water colors.

A recent Sunday morning’s tears came from the embarrassment and frustration of psyching myself up to go to the Catholic Church up the hill from my house for the first time here in Paisley, dressing up just a bit for the occasion, only to find that once again I have miscounted which Sunday it is. This parish meets 1st and 3rd Sundays. And it was Fourth Sunday. Dammit.

I deeply hunger for church. I feel guilty for feeling so needy about the comfort of church. The Episcopal Book of Common Prayer puts it this way: “Deliver us from the presumption of coming to this Table for solace only, and not for strength; for pardon only, and not for renewal.”

I hunger for all of it: solace, strength, pardon, AND renewal.

Valerie and I are beginning to be recognized at the Episcopal Church in Bend because we’ve been there more than once, and we are greeted with smiles of recognition. I’ve enjoyed the Episcopal flavor of Eucharist in Coos Bay, Reno, Nevada, Eugene, Salem, and Lakeview, who’s parishioners you can count on two hands. I’ve hung with the Lutherans, Quakers and the UUs in Klamath Falls and the Methodists in Fort Klamath.

I went to Paisley Community Church the weekend before my attempted Catholic crashing, for the first time in 4 months. It is such a lovely building, with the big bell that gets rung by a child at 9:30am every Sunday. I see familiar faces and they smile back at me. By now, I know half the congregation by name. I hear prayers and concerns, announcements. We sing songs with the words projected stage left from the altar, and some of them I recognize. How Great Thou Art made an appearance. Not a favorite, but I knew it.

What killed me was the sermon. It was preached in what Valerie explained to me is a typical evangelical style, not planned out, but extemporaneous, so the “Holy Spirit” can edge in there. How I received it was, well, negatively. I was not tuned into his channel. Especially when I hear the name Jezebel, and talk of watching out for the Devil, after weeks of #Metoo, as millions of women reveal they, too, have been sexually harassed or assaulted. I was not having it.

I’d much rather watch out for God than the Devil. I do not go to church to find God but to share God, as Alice Walker points out In the Color Purple. I couldn’t share. The sermon was a sincerely delivered, garbled mess, as far as I could discern. It left me bereft.

What I hunger for is a story. Tell me a story.

I also hunger for familiarity, because familiarity triggers the epic mystery of ritual. After 40 years of the Collect for Purity, I weep from the missing of it:

Almighty God, to you all hearts are open, all desires known, and from you no secrets are hid: Cleanse the thoughts of our hearts by the inspiration of your Holy Spirit, that we may perfectly love you, and worthily magnify your holy Name; through Christ our Lord. Amen.

I feel better just reading this aloud.

I am trying to remain as open as I can to the spiritual gift of new challenges, including evangelical preaching. Among my questions: how to remain open without pulling a muscle?  I seek spiritual nourishment and I am starving. I’m going to seek out the Catholics. At least the liturgy is familiar.

**

I’m met with a brand spanking new psychotherapist for the first time in October, in Bend. I’ve decided that a monthly, rigorous archeological expedition of my psyche would be good. I miss my former therapist, The Wizard, who never failed to leave me feeling better and more functional after 50 minutes with her. But the three phone calls we’ve had since my move west are just not enough.  I need the in-person three-dimensional interaction.

It always feels a little scary to see a new therapist. I can relate even better to my clients’ experience when they first see me: they must wonder who the hell this woman is who wants to know such personal stuff.  I was going to be picky in selecting a new therapist, and I asked for recommendations. Then I checked what’s covered by my insurance, and looked to see if LGBT is on their list of interests. Not that being queer is an issue for me now, but I so don’t want it to be an issue for my therapist because if it is, her water colors will most definitely smear into mine. I don’t have time for that. Seriously. You don’t have to know much about what it is like to be gay, but I do not want to sense on any level that you think it is a bad thing, some sort of disability, something freakish. I mean, I’ve gone through a spell of crying daily, for god/ess’ sake. Your homophobia will not help me.

Turns out there is such demand and so few therapists that I had to get on several waiting lists. Finally, this one gal called me back. I saw her for 80 minutes on a Wednesday on the way to a training in Portland. I like her. She seems smart, kind, experienced. I impressed her; I was trying to. I want her to like me, so that when she hears the stories of my ruined parts, she will hold them in context. I will see her once a month.

I am reminded of Anne Lamott:

I asked a friend of mine who practices a spiritual path called Diamond Heart to explain the name recently, because I instinctively know that Sam and I both have, or are, diamond hearts. My friend said our hearts are like diamonds because they have the capacity to express divine light, which is love; we are not only portals for this love, but are actually made of it. She says we are made of light, our hearts faceted and shining, and I absolutely believe this, to a point: Where I disagree is when she says we are beings of light wrapped in bodies that only seem dense and ponderous, but are actually made of atoms and molecules, with infinite space and light in between them. It must be easy for her to believe this, as she is thin, and does not have children. But I can meet her halfway: I think we are diamond hearts, wrapped in meatballs.

Anne Lamott, Plan B

 ­­**

There are lots of metaphors and explanations for psychological distress, and for the prospect of trying to grow and change out of patterns of behavior or thought that do not serve me or help me serve others. I spent much of social work school trying to diagnose my mother. It was the side gig of my Master’s Degree.

Apparently, sometimes, the brain inherits traits and characteristics in the DNA, and genes get flipped on or off depending on environment. Sometimes the in-utero environment makes an impact. Did you know that when a family has a series of boys, one of the younger ones might be gay? I know of three families in which this is true, including my own.

I read somewhere that when a mother is anxious, the fetus will be bathed in cortisol, the stress hormone, and then once born, they are more likely to be anxious as a child. It certainly seems intuitive that an anxious child picks up anxiety when the mama is anxious.  In childhood, the child does everything within its power to capture the attention and love of the mother.

“The key role of the 'good enough' mother [is] adaptation to the baby, thus giving it a sense of control, 'omnipotence' and the comfort of being connected with the mother. This 'holding environment' allows the infant to transition at its own rate to a more autonomous position.  The good-enough mother...starts off with an almost complete adaptation to her infant's needs, and as time proceeds she adapts less and less completely, gradually, according to the infant's growing ability to deal with her failure." (Winnicott, 1953)

“Failure” sounds harsh, but it is inevitable that a mother fails her child because it is impossible to meet every need, in fact it is not a good thing to have every need met. However, there is a basic minimum, the Good Enough, and my mother could not meet it. Although she did the best she could.

My sister and I both survived our mother, and when we look back to our ancestors, we’ve concluded that we are pretty darn high functioning, given the heritage.

I do wonder at the trauma my clients have survived, and how lucky I was. Of the highest possible score of ten in the test, “Adverse Childhood Experiences,” most of my clients score a 5 or more. I do realize that having a troubled childhood is not a competitive sport: I must deal with what I was dealt and take responsibility from there. (I scored a 3: https://www.ncjfcj.org/sites/default/files/Finding%20Your%20ACE%20Score.pdf)  As my first therapist once told me, it is okay to acknowledge our own deprivation. Perhaps an early step of self-care is this acknowledgement, and the beginning of healthy self-soothing.

Unhealthy self-soothing is rampant: for me it’s over eating and over spending. I don’t feel that there is ENOUGH for me. I need MORE. And yet I have plenty.

There is

Always

Enough

And

Enough

Is

Plenty

Guillermo in Simply Living: The Spirit of Indigenous People by Shirley Jones

 Although I KNOW I have enough, somehow, I don’t feel it. I don’t act like I have enough.

All kinds of behaviors and ideas about myself came from being an anxious child in an anxious, chaotic household. Without psychotherapy, I slowly return to my default position: anxiety and self-doubt. Psychotherapy is like physical therapy, for me. Without it, I tend to deteriorate. Ongoing therapy taps into my strengths and I get stronger, again, over and over. Depression and anxiety are the default positions, but not my fate. It’s like diabetes: it cannot be cured, but it can be managed.

I do realize how much I use the word HUNGER as a metaphor. Or maybe it is reality. We can hunger for love.

***

The triumvirate of healing for me is, talk therapy, psychotropics, and self-awareness. Oh and church.

After finding a therapist, I also saw my family nurse practitioner. I did not intend to go in there looking for a new antidepressant, but as we discussed my chronic illnesses, and my discouragement, I cried pretty much the entire time. Tears have a way of sending up an emergency flare, don’t they? Within the hour, I had a new antidepressant. It is my third one. Prior to starting each of the three, I had daily crying jags that I could not stop.

The very next day: no tears. Either I’d cried myself out, or the subtle shift of chemicals stopped up the leaky tearducts. Either way, I’m grateful. New psychotropics?  Check.

***

Self-awareness is risky because it can fall so easily into self-absorption or self-pity. The worst is self-delusion. Tell the truth to yourself, if to nobody else.  Self-awareness means I notice my thoughts, moods, what comes out of my mouth, to make adjustments, to query myself, what’s going on? Why such caustic cynicism? Why so many f-bombs?  

Depression can express itself in irritability, in the lack of pleasure in usual things, in the over estimation of some things and under estimation of others. My former fiancé once said, life is a shit sandwich, and every day a bigger bite. Depression is the glass half empty. And it lies.

Sometimes, when I am in a darker place, it has meant that too much is going on at one time and I am simply overwhelmed because of stressors that are not my fault. What got me into therapy with The Wizard back in 1999 was what we both eventually referred to as an emotional multi-car pile-up. Many external stressors were wearing me down and my internal leaning is to anxiety and self-doubt. I leaned so far, I fell over.

Is that’s what’s going on now?

Some very old emotional stuff got stirred up in September. My ongoing and mostly unsuccessful struggle with pancreatitis makes me feel bad and is wearing. My work is challenging and it’s not just the pain of the clients I see. I am deeply disappointed in my failure to get my shit together in one important area (that would be my finances) and the self-beration is corrosive, not to mention the stressor of the consequences (poverty). Wouldn’t it just be easier to change my behavior instead of berating myself for behaving in the old, familiar ways?

The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

Behavior change is not easy. Insight helps but it is not enough.

Like many people, part of my sadness comes from the dying of the light, as fall turns to winter in the northern hemisphere. I share this with millions. (It’s called Seasonal Affective Disorder.)

I listened recently to a podcast on managing money called Bad With Money. The host is a ‘creative’ who happens to have bipolar disorder. Her guest on that episode also had bipolar, and she spoke about spending money wildly when she’s manic.  She’s built in some safeguards in her life to prevent her from doing this. She also has friends give her feedback if she’s getting too ‘weird.’ How wonderful is that. People who gently say, hon, I think you’re getting a little wound up here…And this creative woman can say, oh shit, thanks for pointing this out! And she goes into radical self-care mode, and maybe adjusts her medications.

Yeah, it would be helpful to have friends like that. My gentle, totally unneurotic partner picks up a number of my craziness clues. Mostly, I observe myself. I am the turd around which the world revolves, after all. (Once again, Anne Lamott.)

Ever heard of Maria Bamford? She has struggled with OCD, bipolar disorder and a bunch of other things, and she is on top of all of that, mostly through ‘better living through chemistry’, which is to say she finally found the right drug for her. Depakote, as it turns out. She is an actress and comedian and quite wonderful. She has had to spend her entire adult life figuring out how to survive (literally, to not kill herself) and then, finally, thrive. It is hard work! She is well worth watching to see how she does the thriving thing: her art is standup comedy. An inspiration for wee neurotic me.

So.

I am aware that something is a bit more stirred up, a bit looser, a bit more aware of the echo of old pain, than usual. I am not sure what to do with this awareness beyond what I am doing, which is, a bit of bibliotherapy (writing about it), seeking out a new therapist on this side of the continental divide (done), switching antidepressants (done), and looking for church (ongoing.)  I am also lucky to be going on a weeklong retreat that my incredibly loving and generous only sibling is paying for, in mid-November. I will have the luxury to concentrate on me and only me for a bit. (Warning: the following is metaphor frappe.) I go in the hope the part of me that is the observing ego can revisit some old tender places, cast an eye, and an ear, to listen to the echo of the old pain, and practice self-healing, self-forgiveness, to be whole for a minute, to allow the pain to wash over me. I would like to orchestrate the old pain, the long ago deprivation, into a cleansing bath, like the conductor does in the video I’m of late obsessed with: a concert in Verona Italy, with Peter Gabriel singing a haunting version of David Bowie’s Heroes. Watch the YouTube video and see this lithe man swing his arms ­­­­so that all the violins will conjure up the sweet agony of the music. (Google

Peter Gabriel - Heroes (Live in Verona 2010) - YouTube

and watch him yourself.)

Before enlightenment: chop wood, carry water. After enlightment: chop wood, carry water.

Before mental health is re-established: show up for work, show up for the people who love me, practice self-care, and crochet. After mental health is re-established: show up for work, show up for the people who love me, practice self-care, and crochet.

Here is one of the most comforting bits of writing I’ve ever found, for times like these. The thing is, the unformed unknowing never ends. But that’s okay. It has to be okay. I am trying, always to “accept… the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense, and incomplete.”

 Trust in the slow work of God.

We are, quite naturally, impatient in everything to reach the end without delay.

We should like to skip the intermediate stages.

We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown, something new,

and yet it is the law of all progress that it is made by passing through

some stages of instability -- and that it may take a very long time.

 Your ideas mature gradually --

let them grow, let them shape themselves, without undue haste.

Don't try to force them on, as though you could be today what time

(that is to say, grace and circumstances acting on your own good will)

will make them tomorrow.

 Only God could say what this new spirit gradually forming within you will be.

Give our Lord the benefit of believing that his hand is leading you,

and accepting the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense, and incomplete.

                                                          Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

 depression anxiety de Chardin therapy

[great-jenna-bake-off]

Season 1 Episode 4: Hot Lemon Soufflé

This bake both terrified and excited me. Terrified, because soufflé is notoriously tricky to make; Mary’s recipe refers to it as “fiddly”, but that doesn’t do justice to just how difficult it is to get a perfectly risen soufflé with nothing but hot air and egg whites. But excited, because I. Love. Soufflé. I’ve been on a quest to find the perfect chocolate soufflé in LA ever since my favorite French restaurant The Moustache Café closed like a decade ago, and it’s been a struggle. Angelenos just don’t appreciate a good French dessert like I do. This was the first recipe I’ve made for my bake off that left my mouth watering after just reading it. 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/mary_berrys_lovely_lemon_73914

My first hurdle was straight up finding ramekins in which to bake my soufflés; Target sadly left me high and dry, but I found some “fall color” ramekins at Michaels of all places. Go figured. Hurdle #2 was figuring out what the recipe meant by cornflour; I had a hunch this was British for corn starch, and a quick Google showed that I was right! I’m learning. 

With those issues sorted out, I took a deep breath and embarked on my soufflé journey. First I needed to get all that sour goodness out of my lemons by zesting and juicing them, which was made infinitely easier by my recent investment in a handheld citrus juicer. My collection of random kitchen equipment is growing by the day (while my bank account sadly continues to shrink). Next up was separating the eggs into whites and yolks. My grandmother taught me how to do this by passing the yolk back and forth between the two halves of the shell, and it worked like a charm. I was very proud of my perfectly pure collection of egg whites. 

I very quickly noticed that I was racking up quite a collection of bowls for this recipe, which, as a very lazy person, is not the way I prefer to operate. I’m more of a dump everything in one bowl and see how it goes kind of of baker. But if I was going to get that perfect rise, I needed to bake with precision. And if that meant more clean up, so be it. I guess. 

So. Many. Bowls. 

Soon it was time to whisk my milk as it heated on the stove, and it occurred to me that during a Los Angeles heat wave was probably the worst time to bake a recipe that involved slaving away over a hot stove repeatedly. Things got toasty in my kitchen. Mary’s recipe instructed me to whisk my milk, cream, flour, and corn starch over the stove “until it’s thickened.” After several minutes of whisking away, I started to wonder how I would know when it was thick enough. Not much seemed to be happening, but maybe there was a subtle change in consistency I wasn’t noticing? Just as I had that thought, however, I glanced back down into my saucepan to notice that my concoction had gone from liquid to a custardy consistency in the blink of an eye. It was like magic! So point being, you’ll know when it’s thickened. 

Science is AMAZING. 

When this mixture was combined with the lemon juice and zest, egg yolks, and sugar, it was time to turn my attention to the most important ingredient: the egg whites. The only rising agent in a soufflé is air; by whipping the egg whites, you trap air inside them that expands when exposed to heat. If the whites aren’t properly whipped with the air trapped inside, your soufflé will just be a sad custard. Mary’s recipe instructs you to whip the egg whites until they “look like clouds”; contestants on GBBO often check their whites by turning the mixing bowl over their heads and hoping they don’t get a head covered in eggy mess. You are welcome to try that trick at home, but I decided to eyeball it. 

Fluffy clouds of eggy goodness

Finally, the crucial “folding in” phase: you need to mix the whites into the rest of the ingredients enough so that they are fully incorporated, but without mixing out all the air you just so carefully inserted. Paul recommends using a “figure eight” motion to gently stir the whites into the batter, while Mary’s recipe describes it as “using a spoon to go around the outside of the bowl and then cutting through the middle.” I did my best interpretation of those instructions. 

Perfectly folded?

And with that, my precious baby soufflés were ready for the oven. I was a little concerned that I did not have enough mixture to fill my ramekins all the way to the top, as specified by the recipe. Was this because my hastily purchased ramekins were too big, or was the volume of my egg whites too small? Only time would tell. 

Here goes nothing...

I texted Matt and our friend Amanda that they had exactly 14 minutes to make it to my apartment, as soufflés must be eaten within 2 minutes of coming out of the oven. This was a precisely timed operation.

The GBBO contestants seemed to share my feelings of fear at the thought of making soufflé. As the technical challenge is announced, Paul comments that making soufflé strikes fear into the heart of even the most experienced bakers. Super.

Thanks, Paul.

One thing I took note of while watching this challenge was the time limit - Mel and Sue announce very clearly that the bakers have 40 minutes to complete their bakes. Uh oh. My soufflé process took more like an hour and a half from start to finish. Just a reminder that usually the most difficult part of the GBBO is racing the clock. 

Carrrrrrrrrefully folding in the egg whites...

Here’s Miranda doing the classic “watching the oven from the floor to make sure your bake is done” move. I even did my own interpretation of this pose for my own bake - since you can’t really put a soufflé back in the oven after you’ve opened the door, trying to peer inside is really the only option for checking the progress of the bake!

From here, you also get a great view of how dirty the kitchen floor is.

Disaster strikes for David - after putting his soufflés in the oven, he realizes that he forgot the yolks entirely. Looks like another bad bake for David!

Here they are so carefully set aside in an adorable heart-shaped thing for some reason!

Most of the bakers are not quite able to get that glorious rise in their souffles - and I notice with growing trepidation that filling the ramekins all the way to the top seems to be crucial to that process. Uh oh. 

Nothing gets past these eagle-eyed judges. 

But Miranda manages to defy the odds and produce perfectly risen golden brown soufflés. She’s an inspiration to us all.

I would like to eat those please.

Well, how did my soufflés fare? Here are Mary Berry’s...

And here are mine, in all their glory: 

***

Matt’s Review: I’m not fancy enough to eat soufflés on the regular, so this was a special treat for me. The closest I’ve come to a soufflé in recent years is standing on the other side of a restaurant window. Like Napoleon plunging into Russia, I plunged into the unknown. But unlike Napoleon’s plunging into Russia, this plunge was a complete success. Not to spoil War and Peace for anyone. These lemon soufflés were delicious. I say “soufflés” plural because I had more than one. They were light, consistent in texture, and spot-on in taste. There was a spirited debate about whether or not they deflated a bit. I didn’t see any deflation, and even if there was, debatable deflation is still pretty damn good for a dish that is pop culture’s go-to for “dessert that is hard to make.”

I think the one criticism I might draw is that they didn’t have the brown crust at the top that you see in all the pictures. While I can’t imagine it affects the taste too much, it definitely took away from the visual wow-factor. Oh and also they weren’t all equal sizes. But all-in-all, I'm probably not going to stop bugging Jenna about making more any time soon.

Was there a soggy bottom?:  I don’t know. It’s a soufflé.

***

Final thoughts: I wasn’t able to get a golden brown crust on my soufflés - I’m still not sure what went wrong there. And Matt’s being generous; they definitely deflated once I took them out of the oven. But they didn’t sink as much as some of the other contestants’ attempts - it was more like they went from being puffed up on top to being flat. For my very first attempt at a soufflé, I will call that a success.

I have to admit, my first thought upon pulling them out of the oven was that it seemed like a hell of a lot of work (and dirty dishes) for four tiny little soufflés. This recipe is labor intensive; every step requires constant work and vigilance. Unlike the bread process, which took more time overall, I couldn’t take my eye off this bake for a second.

But then, I took my first bite of soufflé, and oh. my. god. It was delicious. I seriously could have eaten a bathtub full of this stuff. It was light, fluffy, lemony, sweet, and oh so tasty. Matt and I each had our own soufflé and then split another one, and I could have kept eating it all day. So yeah, totally 100% worth the effort. I’m still salivating just thinking about them. C’etait magnifique!

[unify-my-universe]

More of Mikey goodness...

She was just about to go back to sleep for a bit when someone knocked on the door.

Surprisingly enough the knock didn’t wake Michael up so Penny had to answer the door. It was John.

“Oh Penny wasn’t expecting you to answer the door.”

“Yeah I’ve slept with Michael the past couple of days. You okay?”

“Oh yeah, fine, fine. I’ve been summoned by Terry, well Terry Jones to get you and Michael up. Apparently we’re filming The Witch Village Scene so that’ll please Mike.”

“Why would it?”

“Well the scene involves having our faces covered in dirt, I suppose it won’t be too bad.”

“Oh no, well people in the medieval times were quite dirty! Hygiene was limited after all!”

“Yes, yes that’s very true. Anyway I’d hurry up getting ready if I were you, you know what Jonesy’s like for punctuality!”

“I will do, see you in a bit John.”

To her surprise, Michael was still asleep so had the job of waking him up. She really didn’t want to disturb him!

“Michael? John’s just been at the door, we gotta get up now. Terry Jones’s orders!”

“Mm? Oh okay love I’ll let you go and get ready.”

Penny went to go and get ready in her room and accompanied Michael in the car to the film set.

“Ah there you are Mike, Penny. Mike I want you to put as much dirt on your face as possible and Penny if you can go to Hazel, she’ll sort you out with your costume for today.” Said Terry J.

Penny’s costume didn’t look particularly flattering but the thing she really wasn’t looking forward to was having her face covered in dirt! She put the bare minimum of dirt. When Michael came up to her, she laughed in his face.

“Michael I get people in the medieval times were dirty but don’t you think you’re going a little overboard?”

She noticed that John too had gone a bit crazy with the dirt whereas Eric on the other hand had like her put the bare minimum of dirt on his face.

Penny’s lines were simple in this scene. She had to shout lines like a witch, a witch! And burn her, burn her!

Today however Eric, John and Michael had got the serious case of the giggles to the point where Eric had to bite into his scythe to stop himself from laughing! Penny for once was being completely professional although it was hard not to join in with the giggling!

She hadn’t got a clue what they were even laughing at but it was nice to see them having fun for a change as opposed to bickering at each other.

Still they managed to film the scene in one take so filming was over pretty quickly. Penny couldn’t believe it was going to be her last day in Scotland. Back to her dreary flat for a few months…

She supposed the wait would be worth it since she was going to marry THE Michael Palin. She wondered what kind of house Michael lived in. Probably a lot nicer than her flat! That wasn’t exactly difficult.

“Honestly what is up with you guys? You’ve been giggling throughout this entire take!”

“Well gotta make light of the situation!” said Eric.

Michael was also aware that this was Penelope’s last night here. He wanted to make sure it was one to remember.

With thanks to a recommendation from Eric on a French restaurant complete with the perfect romantic ambiance, Michael treated Penny to a posh meal topped by a romantic walk by one of Scotland’s many lochs.

Like where Michael proposed to Penny only a couple of days ago, they had the loch to themselves.

“Can’t believe you’re going back home tomorrow…”

“I know. The time has gone so fast but I’ve enjoyed every minute of it.”

“I’m glad love. I will miss you Penelope. When I want to really strangle the guys I’ll be thinking of the next time I see you.”

“I’ll miss you too Michael. When I’m stuck at a boring desk having to deal with silly members of the public, I’ll be thinking of you always.”

“Oh, well since we’re here do you fancy a dip?”

“Uh with our clothes on?”

“No naked silly…”

“I don’t know Michael…”

“What you scared of? The Loch Ness monster?”

“No for goodness sake Michael, that’s only a legend and even if it was real it’s been sighted in the Scottish Highlands not round here…”

“You know sometimes Penelope you really put me to shame with your historical knowledge. What period of history did you study in your degree?”

“Modern history like yourself I believe?”

“Yes I did study modern history. Though who knows? In about 30/40 years time, people at university studying history could be learning about the Two World Wars.”

“Yes perhaps…”

“So you gonna join me for a quick swim?”

“Won’t it be cold?”

“Well yeah a bit but I’ll keep you warm.”

“What if someone comes?”

“Penelope no one will come, we’ve got this place to ourselves!”

Michael at this point had started to undress himself until he was completely naked. Penny marvelled at the sight. And it was all hers to enjoy…

Michael jumped in and flinched out how cold the water was.

“Bloody hell it’s as cold as the shower at the hotel! Come on Penelope, you know you want to…”

Michael’s tone of voice had immediately convinced her.

God damn it why did he have to be so persuasive?

Penny slowly took off her clothes, looking each direction to see if anyone was coming. It seemed Michael was right and they’d got the place to themselves.

“Wow my wife-to-be really is a sight to behold!”

Penny slowly jumped in and was caught smoothly by Michael.

“Oh my god, oh my god Michael! It’s so cold!”

Michael wrapped his arms around Penny’s waist pulling her close to him.

“I know love but you’ll soon get used to the temperature.”

“Do you usually do completely mad things?”

“No only when I’m with you. It seems you have that effect on me…”

“Well I’m flattered Michael but I guess I already knew you were completely and utterly mad!”

Michael encouraged Penny to swim with her and after a while she didn’t feel so cold. Begrudgingly she accepted Michael was right.

She quite enjoyed the swim, it had been ages since she had been swimming! Swimming was one of her hobbies when she was at university. The only good thing her parents ever did was invest in some swimming lessons for her!

“Well, well Penelope I have to say I am impressed by your swimming technique!”

“Not bad for someone who hasn’t swam since she left university! Probably the only good thing my parents ever did was to pay for me to have swimming lessons!”

Just as they were getting into the groove of swimming a few lengths in the loch a torch shone in both their faces.

“Everything alright, sir? Madam?”

It was a police officer. Penny gave Michael the dirtiest look ever.

I’m going to kill you Michael.

Penny let Michael do the talking.

“Um yes, yes everything’s fine officer.”

“Hey don’t I know your face from somewhere?”

“Umm you might do?”

“Yeah I know your face, you’re from that TV programme Monty Python! You’re Michael Palin aren’t you?”

“Yes yes I am. Are we trespassing officer?”

“Oh no, no not at all. I was just checking that your wee lass wasn’t injured at all!”

“No no I’m fine we’re just um, going for a quick dip?” said Penny.

“Aye so I see… Well I’ll leave you two lovebirds to it then.”

As soon as the police officer had gone, Penny punched Michael in the arm hard.

“Ahh that hurt!”

“Oh there won’t be anyone about, goes to show how much you know! I had visions of us being arrested for indecent exposure! That would have looked good front page of the newspapers, Python Michael Palin arrested for skinny dipping in Loch! Honestly Michael I could have killed you.”

“Oh calm down Penelope, you have to admit it was quite funny.”

“Oh well I’m glad you found it so amusing!”

Michael then started to laugh uncontrollably. Michael’s laugh really was infectious so Penny found herself laughing with him till she too couldn’t stop laughing.

“Honestly Michael you’re such an idiot.”

“Ah but you love me.”

“Yes I do, very much!”

She kissed him on the lips and wrapped her legs around his waist.

“You really shouldn’t do things like that Penelope…”

“Oh yeah? Why’s that?”

“Because it’ll be very hard for me to resist temptation!”

“Oh well we can’t have that Sir Galahad can we?”

Penny wrapped her legs even tighter around Michael’s waist, she started stroking Michael’s now wet hair.

“No I’m sworn to chastity!”

Michael and Penny had promised each other that no sex would happen until they got married which was very hard when one was prone to tease the other. Penny didn’t want any unexpected surprises before she got married!

“Well Sir Galahad we’d better get back to the hotel, early start and all!”

“I agree my fair maiden! Right well I uh better get the towels out of the car.”

“What like this?”

“It’ll be fine, it’s not like anyone will be about.”

“You said that last time and you saw what happened…”

To Penny’s surprise, Michael came back with the towels without anything out of the ordinary happening. Penny breathed a sigh of relief!

Penny and Michael dried themselves off with a towel and put their clothes back on. They headed back to the car and straight to bed.

Both woke up relatively early so Michael could help Penny pack and load up her car.

“I don’t really want to say goodbye.” Said Michael.

She put her hand on top of his and squeezed it tightly.

“I know.”

“Don’t miss me too much!”

“I’ll try not to.” Said Penny.

“Michael?”

“Yes?”

“Make sure you tell your mother the good news.”

“I will love.”

 Penny got into the car and wound the window down. She reached over to Michael, gave him a kiss and drove off.

The next few months were pretty boring for Penny. She worked a lot of hours at the library even though she got quite a good wage packet for her part in The Holy Grail. Probably down to Michael, she thought.

Michael also had a boring few months. The arguing amongst the Pythons had gotten worse, especially between the two Terry’s and John and Terry G. It had got so bad between John and Terry that John had told him to piss off. So for a while they stayed out of each other’s ways!

So Michael was quite glad when his scenes were over and he could go and visit Penelope. Before she went Penny had given him her phone number and address.

Therefore when Michael got back home he rang her up straight away.

“Hello?”

“Oh Penelope am I glad to hear your voice!”

“Michael hi! God I’ve missed you. You okay?”

“Yeah I’m fine, just glad to be home!”

“I bet! So when are you planning on coming over?”

“Tomorrow if that’s okay?”

“Sounds great, any idea what time?”

“Mid-morning?”

“Okay well I’ll make sure I’m up early! Can’t wait to hear about the rest of your filming!”

“Mm I bet, anyway love I’d better go as I’ve just got in and I want to unpack and have a proper shower!”

“I understand that completely love, see you tomorrow!”

Penny put the phone down and smiled. How she loved hearing Michael’s voice, she couldn’t wait to see him tomorrow.

She immediately started tidying up the apartment the best she could, dusting, hoovering and cleaning the kitchen and bathroom. She didn’t know why she was making such an effort for him… Like he was going to notice!

She supposed it was because she wanted to prove to him she was capable of making a nice home for him. Though Michael didn’t give the impression he wanted her to be a housewife!

Michael couldn’t wait to spend a few days with Penny, he deserved a break after putting up with the Pythons for the past two months! The wedding was already booked, the honeymoon too now all they had to sort out was what they were wearing!

However Michael wanted to make the next few days absolutely perfect for Penny. He knew she had been working really hard as of late and wanted to treat her. The big problem was, he wasn’t too familiar with Birmingham so how could he spoil her if he didn’t know where to take her?

He reckoned Eric might know of good places to take her as he was pretty knowledgeable on the best places to take girls! There was a reason why Eric had a reputation for being a lady’s man!

So he decided to ring Eric up.

“Hello?”

“Hi Eric it’s me.”

“Oh hi Mike, got back alright then?”

“Oh yeah fine, listen Eric I need your advice.”

“Go ahead Mike I’m all ears!”

“Well I’m going to see Penelope up in Birmingham for a few days and I want to treat her and—"

“You don’t know where to take her?”

“Yeah.”

“Well I know there are probably some nice restaurants in The Bullring you know the shopping centre?”

“What about local attractions?”

“Well you could take her to see a show? There’s the Birmingham Hippodrome and since you’re both into history take her to Kenilworth Castle, that’s not far from Birmingham.”

“Thanks Eric, I just want to make the next few days really perfect for her.”

“I understand Mike, well I’ll see you soon!”

Perfect. Michael had got the next few days all planned. Tomorrow night he’d take her to a fancy restaurant, maybe a bit of shopping, the next day take her to Kenilworth Castle then a show of her choice at The Hippodrome and finally to Shakespeare’s Birthplace in Stratford-upon-Avon.

The last day would be spent sorting out their wedding outfits. Maybe they were leaving it a bit last minute but they had been so busy with work, they just hadn’t had the time to find a dress and suit.

Penny still hadn’t sorted out her bridesmaids. It was a difficult job as she hadn’t got any friends. Well except Carol and maybe Connie.

She decided to ring up Carol first.

“Hello?”

“Hello is that Carol? It’s Penny.”

“Oh hi Penny, I heard the good news. Congratulations! You’re certainly a lucky girl bagging Michael!”

“Thank you. I’m very lucky! Anyway I wanted to talk to you about the wedding.”

“Oh yes?”

“Well I’m estranged from my parents and I haven’t really got any friends so I wondered whether you wanted to be my bridesmaid and help me find a dress?”

“Why Penny of course I will! What day were you thinking of buying a dress?”

“Friday morning? I imagine Michael will be sorting out his suit on the same day as well. I think he’s asked Eric to help him.”

“Yes that sounds fine.”

“Great well I’ll see you Friday then! Oh don’t suppose you could meet me in Birmingham? I can just meet you at the train station and we’ll go to The Bullring?””

“Yes yes of course, Birmingham New Street right?”

“Yes that’s the one.”

“Yep so meet you at the station at about quarter past 10?”

“Yes that sounds great!”

Penny put the phone down and called Connie. She really hoped John wouldn’t answer the phone… She hadn’t told Connie about John having some form of feelings for her as it wasn’t like he’d tried it on with her.

“Hello?” answered a soft American voice.

“Hi is that Connie? It’s Penny, Michael’s fiancée?”

“Oh yes hi Penny. What can I do for you?”

“Well I was wondering whether you’d be one of my bridesmaids? I’ve already asked Carol you see and well you’re the only friends I’ve got other than the Pythons.”

“Why yes I’d love to Penny!”

“Great!”

Penny definitely felt more organised now. She ran herself a hot bath before heading to bed. She fell asleep with the thoughts of seeing Michael again and becoming his wife.

Michael couldn’t sleep as he was too excited about seeing Penny tomorrow. He remembered that he hadn’t sorted out who was going to be his Best Man so he rang up Terry J.

“Alright Terry?”

“Mike why on earth are you ringing at this time for? It’s nearly midnight!”

“Sorry Terry, having trouble sleeping I’m seeing Penelope tomorrow you see so I’m really excited! Anyway the reason why I was ringing is I wanted to ask you whether you could be my Best Man?”

“You rang me up at this time to ask me to be your Best Man?”

“Yes I know it’s late but I just wanted to feel organised. Penelope will go mad if I haven’t sorted out one of the most important parts of the wedding!”

“Mm but Mike you don’t even need to ask course I’ll be your Best Man, now go to sleep!”

“Night Terry.”

Michael and Penny were up very early, with Michael making the drive to Birmingham from London and Penny doing some last minute cleaning of the flat.

To make the long journey more bearable, Michael blasted some tunes with the windows down. Before he knew it he’d reached Birmingham. He spotted Penny’s car a mile off and parked next to it.

He walked to the building and pressed the buzzer.

The buzzer went and Penny immediately knew it was Michael. She gave him a few minutes to come up the stairs and he gently knocked on her flat door. She let him in.

He was stood at the door in a white shirt and flared trousers. His hair looked like it needed a bit of a cut as his fringe was longer than ever. She went up to him, wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed him deeply.

“Bloody hell give me chance to get through the door!”

She started to mess with his hair.

“Your hair needs a cut. Hope it’ll be cut in time for the wedding!”

“Don’t worry love it will be.”

Michael inspected the flat. It looked immaculate but then again he didn’t expect anything less from Penelope. Everything was all open plan which made the flat feel bright and airy.

“Wow Penelope it looks very tidy in here!”

“Haha you sound surprised! Actually it’s extra tidy today because I wanted to make an effort for you.”

“So just a one bedroom is it?”

“Yeah I have no need for another bedroom well except for like a storage room or something. But I don’t have that much stuff so moving out should be easy.”

“Mm so can I have a grand tour?”

“Of course dear.”

Though there wasn’t much to see Penny gave as much of an extensive tour of the flat as she possibly could. Then she got to her bedroom. Oh shit, she forgot about the many Michael posters on her wall…

“Well, well this is a turn up for the books. It seems I’m marrying a woman who is completely and utterly obsessed with me.”

“I was going to take the posters down before you came but it just completely slipped my mind. I was worried you’d think I’d got a screw loose somewhere.”

“Now why would I think that?”

He put his hands around her waist.

“I don’t know because I’m worried about losing you?”

“Penelope I love you for god’s sake. Actually I’m rather flattered if not slightly embarrassed that my future wife has pictures of me in her bedroom. Well least I know you’re definitely in love with me!”

“Of course I am Michael. Now what did you want to do today?”

“Well first my love I want to unpack then you could give me a tour of your hometown?”

“Alright then, sounds good!”

So Penny helped Michael to unpack and they set off into the city centre. Penny quite enjoyed giving Michael a guided tour as every time she went past a building of significance Penny told Michael about the history of the place. Local history was Penny’s speciality!

After the sightseeing, they went into The Bullring only for some window shopping because Michael wanted to spoil her later after the meal then they headed back to the flat to chill for a few hours.

Penny put the television on and they both sat on the sofa. Michael put his arms around her and started to gently stroke her shoulder.

“You know if someone was to say to me a month ago that I would be marrying my favourite Python I’d think they’d gone mad!”

“Well I suppose it has been a bit of a whirlwind romance hasn’t it?”

“Yes it has but I don’t regret any of it!”

They sat watching the telly for a while until Michael said that he was taking her somewhere nice for dinner.

Penny therefore made a great deal of effort in her makeup and outfit choice. Michael did the same, he was fully suited and booted!

She’d never seen Michael in a suit in person before. Of course she’d seen him wear one in many of the Python sketches but seeing him wear one in person was much nicer!

“Mm aren’t you the most handsome man in the world?”

“Mm aren’t you the most beautiful woman in the world?”

Penny tousled up his hair.

“Oh Michael you’re so sweet!”

Luckily Penny’s flat was within close proximity from the city centre so they just walked there. Penny had never been to the restaurant Michael was taking her probably because she couldn’t afford it. She wondered how Michael even had knowledge of restaurants in Birmingham then she guessed that Eric might have had something to do with it.

Michael insisted on paying for the meal, saying that she deserved to be treated.

“Honestly Michael this is the nicest meal I’ve ever tasted but you should have let me pay my half!”

“Penelope I’ve told you, this is my treat!”

“Hm well okay Michael.”

Then they went shopping, Michael took Penny into a jewellery shop and told her to pick any piece of jewellery she wanted. After much reluctance from Penny that she wasn’t worth spending this much money on, she decided on a necklace. A gold necklace with a love heart on it. It was quite expensive!

After some more shopping, they headed back to the flat. It gave Penny chance to try on her new necklace.

Michael did the honours of putting the necklace on Penny, he started to kiss her neck delicately. She had to admit she was pretty turned on!

“Oh Michael don’t do that…”

He carried on kissing her neck, slowly and softly. Honestly he was such a tease!

“Why not? I know you love it.”

“Yes I do but how am I meant to save myself until marriage if you tease me like that?”

“Alright love I’ll stop. That necklace suits you, didn’t think you could look any more beautiful but as usual you surprise me.”

“It’s beautiful Michael but so much money. You shouldn’t be wasting your wages on me.”

“If I can’t spend money on my fiancée then what can I spend money on?”

“You’ll have to let me make it up to you.”

“Well that’s up to you love but you don’t need to buy me expensive gifts to prove you love me.”

She stroked his face.

God he really was perfect.

“Hm okay then, well we’d better get off to bed!”

“Yes I am feeling pretty tired and Penelope darling?”

“Yes?”

“Can you perhaps get rid of that picture of me right by my side of the bed? I don’t want to wake up in the middle of the night to my face staring back at me.”

“Haha okay love.”

Penny put what she considered a very cute photo of Michael back in her drawer.

Well I suppose I don’t need all the photos of Michael if I’m going to be marrying the guy!

Both headed to bed straight away, it had been a long day!

They woke up mid-morning and had a shower. Luckily Penny’s flat had an ensuite in her room and a separate bathroom! Michael had been quite secretive of what their plans were for the next few days. This morning all he had said was that they were going to be experiencing some local culture!

She realised where she was straight away. Kenilworth Castle. Although Penny was interested in local history she’d never been to the castle before and had always wanted to go.

The place was stemmed with so much history and Michael took a lot of photographs of the castle and of Penny outside the castle. She really enjoyed herself and being with Michael had made the day pretty perfect.

It had been really nice weather which was to be expected in June. However they were in Britain, where the weather was very unpredictable!

Michael and Penny had even got a slight tan from being out all day. They got back to the flat and Penny decided to cook them both a meal. It was her way of making it up to Michael for spending so much money on her.

Although Michael spoilt her out of love, she was so used to being spoilt as a way of shutting her up. So it was safe to say she wasn’t a fan of people treating her.

They were lying in bed when Penny decided to ask Michael about how the last bit of filming for The Holy Grail went. She was surprised he hadn’t mentioned it earlier! Which made her think that the experience hadn’t been very enjoyable.

“You haven’t told me about how filming went yet, thought you’d be dying to tell me!”

“Ah well the experience hasn’t exactly been the most pleasant. I mean Terry G tried to get me to eat mud for one scene!”

Penny raised her eyebrow slightly.

“Mud?”

“Yeah I was meant to be a mud eater and they were like oh you don’t have to eat real mud we’ll put some chocolate there for you to eat. I went how am I meant to know which is the mud and which is the chocolate? And Terry was like oh you’ll know and I thought what is the point? We had to do so many takes for the bloody thing and I just lost it. Jumped into the mud, started throwing my fists about shouting what is the fucking point. Course Gray and John found it hilarious and started clapping. Don’t think they’d seen me so angry before!”

Even Penny found it funny as she was laughing very much. She wished she’d been there to see it!

“Oh dear, poor baby! So I’m guessing the tensions between you lot hadn’t improved?”

“No, John got even more difficult to work with. Him and Terry G fell out completely at one stage! It’ll be weird doing Flying Circus without John.”

“Well you don’t have to do another series do you? I mean your last series was very good!”

“No but I suppose once it’s out the way I can spend more time with you. We’ve only got enough material for six episodes anyway so it’ll be over before you know it!”

“I think it’s because you’ve been in each other’s pockets for so long you’re sick of each other’s company. It’ll probably do you good to have some space from each other.”

“Yeah I think you’re right love. So do you fancy going to the theatre tomorrow?”

“Ooh yes I’d love to! Haven’t been to the Hippodrome in years! But what do you want to see?”

“Whatever you want to see.”

“Hm well I really want to see Phantom of the Opera.”

“My you are a depressing soul!”

“Oh shut up, the book is really good, so full of emotion and well I like my musicals.”

“Alright well Phantom of the Opera it is!”

In the morning Michael cooked themselves a nice breakfast. To Penny this meant he was very self-sufficient! Was there no end to his talents?

“Right well I’ve booked the tickets for the theatre. 2:30 matinee, thought it would be better for you than in the evening.” Said Michael.

“Oh Michael you’re a star!”

“Yes I suppose I am being a Python!”

“Anyway have you sorted out Terry being your best man?”

“Yes I sorted it out a couple of days ago my love. What about you? You sorted out your bridesmaids?”

“Yep Carol and Connie are going to be my bridesmaid. I’m meeting Carol on Friday to sort out a dress.”

“Connie eh? You might be able to find out what’s going on with her and John when you meet up with her to sort out her bridesmaid’s dress.” Michael said with a wink.

“Michael! I will do no such thing! That’s John and Connie’s business, nothing to do with us. Honestly you’re like one of the Pepperpots wanting to know all the gossip!”

Michael had reminded Penny to contact Connie in the next few days about sorting out a bridesmaid’s dress. Come to think of it, she wasn’t sure what kind of wedding dress she wanted let alone what the bridesmaids should wear!

“Ooh don’t I know it love?” said Michael in his best camp voice.

Even when Penny was slightly annoyed with Michael, his impressions always made her laugh. She always thought Michael was the best out of the Pythons to play a wide range of characters. Or maybe she was just completely biased about her future husband’s talents?

They decided to get some food before they headed to the theatre, luckily there were quite a few restaurants within the vicinity of the theatre. Michael again wanted to pay for the meal but Penny insisted on paying for herself. Michael knew not to try and change her mind!

“Penelope you really don’t have to pay for yourself. I told you, I want to spoil you.”

“I want to. Thing is Michael I have a problem with being spoilt. My parents did it all the time to shut me up. I know you do it because you love me but I just worry if you do it too much you’re doing it because you feel guilty about something.”

She started to look down at her feet. It didn’t matter how often Michael told her he loved her, she was still terrified about losing him. He was famous and what was she? Just a wanna-be actress. He deserved so much better. She worried that he’d meet someone prettier and more talented than her and just leave her. Then she’d be all alone. She couldn’t bear that again.

Michael grasped her chin so she had to look into his eyes.

“Penelope, I know you worry about being alone again but believe me I’m here to stay. You won’t ever, ever be alone again. Anyway why would I want to look elsewhere when I’ve got the most beautiful woman in the world?”

He kissed her deeply. She knew he was right but there were still things that Penny hadn’t told Michael about herself yet. The time would be approaching where she had to tell Michael everything.

“Why have you always got to be right?”

“Because I’m Mr Michael ‘Sexy Pants’ Palin!” Michael said with a wink.

Penny looked at him in horror.

“How did you—"

“Darling you talk in your sleep. I mean I’m presuming you mean me when you say Mr Sexy Pants…”

She turned bright red. She wished the ground would come and swallow her up.

Shit he wasn’t meant to know about that nickname!

“Oh bloody hell now I feel a right idiot.”

“Aw actually I found it rather cute. Well makes a change from being called The Nice Python!”

Michael got them front row seats which meant they had the perfect view. The musical was spectacular though it wasn’t Michael’s cup of tea. He preferred more cheerful musicals and plays. Penny was in tears. She loved every minute of it.

Every time Penny reached for her handkerchief and blew her nose, Michael rolled his eyes.

“Did you actually enjoy that? You were blowing into your handkerchief every time I looked at you!”

“Yeah course I was! I told you it’s a very emotional story.”

“If you say so love.”

“So who’s cooking dinner tonight?” said Penny.

“Well I can if you like?”

“Yeah okay sure. I don’t think I’ve got much food in though.”

“Ah don’t worry about that, leave that to me!”

They quickly head back to the flat. Penny gave Michael her flat key as he was going to the supermarket to buy some food. She didn’t have a clue what he was planning on cooking her, all he said was to trust him on this.

In the meantime Penny decided to ring up Connie to sort out a bridesmaid dress for her.

To her surprise John answered the phone this time.

“Hello?”

“Oh John hi, is Connie there?”

“Yes yes she is. Good to hear from you Penny, how are you?”

“Yeah I’m great thanks. Michael has just gone to the supermarket to buy some food for our dinner tonight.”

John seemed to ignore what she’d said about Michael.

“Good well I’ll go and get her for you. Connie? Penny’s on the phone.”

“Penny hi, hope John wasn’t being too much of a pain.”

“Oh no not all. I wanted to know when you were free in the next few days as I wanted to sort out the bridesmaid dress. As Carol is helping me find a wedding dress, I’ll sort out her dress on the same day.”

“How about Sunday?”

“Yeah sounds great. Are you okay with meeting in Birmingham, say the train station?”

“Yes that’s fine, about 12ish? We could grab some lunch as well?”

“Yeah okay, see you then!”

She hung up before John could try and talk to her again. Penny set the dining room table up to give her something to do.

After another half an hour had gone by, Michael finally returned.

“Bloody hell Michael you were gone for a while. What did you do raid the whole supermarket?”

“Had to get the right ingredients love.”

“I see. Oh I’ve just been on the phone to Connie and I’m meeting her on Sunday to sort out a bridesmaid dress for her.”

“Ooh you are being organised!” Michael said, teasing her slightly.

“Yeah so organised I haven’t a clue what type of wedding dress I want!”

She had to admit it was stressing her out a bit. The wedding was next week!

“Don’t stress Penelope, I’m sure you’ll know when you’ve found the right dress.”

Michael stroked her hair and put his arms around her. It always felt good for her to be Michael’s arms. She felt safe and, well, not alone.

Michael’s preparation on their dinner took a lot longer than expected which meant Penny was absolutely starving. It seemed making food from scratch wasn’t Michael’s forte!

Luckily Penny came to the rescue and dinner was finally served, at 9 o’clock.

“I’m sorry that dinner took so long love, I just wanted to make a really nice dinner for you.”

“I know darling but seriously Michael, you don’t have to put so much effort into impressing me. You impress me enough by being yourself.”

“I suppose I’m making up for the last two months of not seeing you!”

“I know and it’s really sweet of you to make so much effort but you’re not Delia Smith dear. Maybe stick to less complicated dishes?”

“Hmm may be a good idea! So who answered the phone when you rang Connie?”

“John surprisingly.”

“Ah he must be back from Scotland then.”

“Yeah I was telling him you were out buying food for dinner and he just didn’t respond at all when I mentioned you.”

“Hm sounds like things between him and Connie aren’t improving. His mood did seem to get worse when you went.”

“Have you spoken to him about his feelings for me?”

“God no, things were tense enough as it is without something else kicking off!”

After Penny washed up the dinner plates and Michael dried them, they were ready for bed.

It was getting closer to when Penny had to tell Michael everything. It was only fair she was completely honest with him. I mean she was going to be his wife in a matter of days!

Penny woke up the next morning earlier than Michael and opened up her wardrobe. The top of her wardrobe was where she kept important documents. There were some documents that were very important indeed. She reached up and got them. She checked to see if they were all there. To her relief they were. She put them back where they originally were.

Michael stirred from his sleep. By this point Penny had closed the wardrobe door and was sat on Michael’s side of the bed watching him sleep.

“Penelope? What you doing?” he said sleepily.

He rubbed his eyes. Penny smiled. His voice sounded even cuter when he was sleepy.

“Sorry darling did I wake you? I had to go to the toilet then I thought I’d watch my cute husband to be sleep.”

She stroked his hair, moving a piece of hair from his eyes.

Man he really needs have a haircut!

“I see, in any other situation I’d call that creepy but since you’re my fiancée I’ll let you off.”

Penny made her and Michael a cup of tea, had a quick breakfast and were ready to set off on another adventure.

Penny wanted to drive for a change as she felt bad that Michael had been doing all the driving lately. After much persistence on Penny’s part, they went in Penny’s car and drove to Stratford.

It was certainly an experience for Michael as he’d never seen how Penny drove before. Michael thought she was a good driver but had got the feeling that she hadn’t had the car very long. Her clutch control was a bit woolly at times!

“Penelope you didn’t have to drive you know, I wouldn’t have minded driving again.”

“I know but I felt bad that you were doing all the driving. Also it’s one way of getting used to your future wife’s driving!”

Michael did a very successful job of directing Penny to Stratford as she had never been before. She did love Shakespeare though.

Penny spoke about her favourite Shakespeare plays and her memories of studying Shakespeare when she was studying for her O and A Levels.

“God isn’t this place really beautiful?” said Penny.

“Yes, shame you can’t visit the place where Shakespeare wrote his plays.”

“Yes that is a shame, well maybe one day we’ll be able to.”

Michael loved to take pictures of places he’d visited. Though his favourite subject was always Penelope. She was so photogenic and had the most beautiful smile.

“Michael! Are you going to take some photos of the landscape and buildings or you just going to be taking photos of me?”

“I’m not just taking photos of you, you vain creature! Though what can I say darling you were born to be on camera!” Michael said in a camp voice.

He was such an idiot sometimes but Penny loved him even more when he was being very silly. Maybe he was just born to be a very silly person?

After they’d finishing going round the house, they explored the town of Stratford. It was a pretty village. It was somewhere Michael envisaged him and Penelope living in the future. It was quiet and picturesque place to bring up children.

“You know I wouldn’t mind living somewhere like this in the future.” Said Penny.

“Mm I was thinking the same. It’s so quiet isn’t it? And plenty of pubs!”

Penny laughed. She knew Michael liked a drink or two and drank pretty much anything. However Penny had no cause for concern because Michael knew his limits.

They headed back home as Penny wanted Michael to sample the pubs around Birmingham. Before they knew it, they had got pretty drunk though Michael was worse than Penny! Well someone had to be the more sober one!

“Nice place int’it luv?” said Michael.

It seemed Michael let out his inner Yorkshireman when drunk.

“Yeah it’s great. But maybe it’s time to go home.”

“Aww but I’m enjoying myself so much darlingggggg”

Penny rolled her eyes, god he was embarrassing drunk. But hilarious at the same time.

“I know but you can enjoy yourself at home too. Come on we can grab something to eat on the way back.”

“Aw you’re no fun anymore!”

God now he’s making Python references, definitely time to go home!

They stopped off at the local chippy and as soon as Michael got some food down him, he felt sober.

“I embarrassed you didn’t I, in the pub?”

“Hm maybe a little.”

“I’m sorry Penelope, sometimes I go a bit overboard with the drinking sometimes!”

“Michael it’s fine, you are allowed to let your hair down every now and then. I’m not going to stop you from having fun.”

They settled down on the sofa for the night and finally discussed some of the honeymoon plans Michael had arranged. Michael after all had been quite secretive about where they were going. All he’d told Penny was that they were staying somewhere in this country for the first week and the next week they were going somewhere exotic.

“So am I going to find out any more about this honeymoon? You’ve been very secretive about it!”

“Well I was thinking we could go to this little Caravan Park in Devon then the week after somewhere nice and hot.”

“Yes but where?”

Michael tapped his nose.

“Ah you’ll have to wait and see.”

As much as Penny liked surprises, she didn’t like being kept in the dark about her honeymoon! But she trusted that Michael had picked somewhere they would both love.

They had an early night as tomorrow was a very important day.

“Have you rang Eric about meeting tomorrow to get your suit?”

“Shit, knew I’d forgotten something.”

Penny sighed and handed Michael the receiver for the phone in their bedroom.

“Well do it now. Honestly Michael you’re so forgetful sometimes…”

She left Michael to speak with Eric, as she knew how annoying Michael found people telling him what to say whilst on the phone.

She hadn’t fully witnessed the Palin wrath yet but there had been times when Michael had lost his temper a bit.

It was usually the little things that annoyed Michael, well he was a sensitive person.

Penny still had no idea what kind of wedding dress she wanted. Well Carol’s presence would be useful as Penny wasn’t the best on knowing what style best suited her figure. Maybe Michael was right that she’d know when she’d found the perfect dress.

Michael came out of the room to indicate that he’d sorted out meeting with Eric tomorrow.

“Done it?”

“Yep. You didn’t have to go out the room you know.”

“Well I know you get annoyed when I try and tell you what to say whilst you’re on the phone. One of your pet hates!”

“Oh yes that’s true. You do have a habit of doing that!”

Both fell asleep straight away but Michael and Penny were both very nervous about tomorrow.

Penny was up earlier than Michael and went to meet Carol at the train station.

They went round a number of bridal shops but still Penny couldn’t find the perfect dress. On the plus side she had managed to help find Carol a bridesmaid dress. A yellow coloured shift dress with small white flowers around the neck. Well Carol had got the legs for it…

Penny wasn’t quite sure if that type of dress would suit Connie but she hoped it would. After all the bridesmaids had to wear the same style dress!

Michael on the other hand was having much better luck than Penny, the only difficult decision he had to make was what colour tie to wear!

“What do you think Eric pink or blue?” said Michael, holding a tie in each hand.

“Pink’s a bit bright for a wedding Mike!”

“I thought the colour suited me.”

“You want something a little subtle otherwise you’ll outshine the bride and, well, you can’t have that!”

“Mm you’re right Eric, well blue it is then! Fancy a pint after I’ve paid for this?”

“Thought you’d never ask Mike!”

After a good half an hour browsing through the shop, Penny thought she’d found it. The perfect dress. It was made out of chiffon with crochet lace around the chest, neck and bottom of the dress. It looked quite vintage which was perfect for Penny as she’d always loved clothes from the past.

Carol urged Penny to try it on and it really suited her. She bought a petticoat to emphasise the fullness of the skirt. She complimented the look with a longish veil.

“Oh Penny you’re going to look absolutely stunning in that dress, it’s just so you!”

“Thanks Carol. I wonder if Michael has managed to get a suit yet?”

“Oh I suspect that him and Eric are in the pub now!”

Penny could probably guess which pub he’d taken Eric as him and Penny did have a sort of regular pub they’d go to after they’d been out somewhere.

Carol accompanied Penny to the pub that she suspected Michael and Eric were in and her suspicions were proved correct.

“Penny! Carol! Good to see you both. How did you know we were in here?” said Eric.

“Well let’s just say my fiancé is very predictable in terms of what watering holes he samples.” Penny said with a wink.

Penny sat next to Michael, her arm around his neck.

“So how did you get on love? Managed to get a dress in the end?”

“Yes eventually. Got a lovely bridesmaid dress didn’t we Carol?”

“Oh yes, though not as lovely as the bride’s dress!”

“When do you collect it?”

“Sunday. What about your suit?”

“Tomorrow.”

Penny started stroking his hair. She was hoping Michael was going to go to the hairdressers sometime soon!

“I do hope you’re going to have your hair cut sometime in the next few days!”

“Don’t worry my love, I’m going to sort that out tomorrow.”

“Well make sure you do!”

Eric and Carol looked at each other and smiled. They really were a cute couple both of them thought.

“Bloody hell she’s nagging me already!”

“Ha well me and Carol will take that as our cue to leave! Don’t want to be caught up in the middle of a domestic! See you Penny see you at the wedding!”

Penny gave Eric and Carol a hug and a kiss on each cheek before they headed to the train station.

They walked back to the flat hand in hand. It had been a pretty productive day for both of them.

“Oh Michael forgot to say that work rang me whilst you were asleep. They want me to do a shift tomorrow and on Sunday afternoon. I said I’d do it because well it’s good of them to give me so much time off work for the wedding and honeymoon.”

“Yeah that’s fine love, gives me time to sort out a few things for the wedding. Like a haircut for instance?”

She kissed Michael on the cheek.

“Thank you dear.”

It was getting even more difficult for Michael and Penny to save themselves till Monday, Penny wanted Michael and Michael wanted Penny.

Though Michael might not want her after she told him everything.

Penny had to be up early for work so left Michael in bed as he looked too peaceful for her to wake him up. She was doing a full shift today but as the library was closed on Sundays she only had to be in on the afternoon tomorrow to help sort out the new books that had come in.

So Michael was left to his own devices all day Saturday. He decided to get his hair cut. As he knew if he didn’t, he’d have Penelope on his back! He also went to collect his suit and hung the bag the suit was in, in his side of the wardrobe.

He’d told the barber that he only wanted a trim as ‘his girl liked it long’.

Penny meanwhile was busy dealing with ‘wonderful’ members of the public. Well when she meant wonderful she was being sarcastic. She had one person who just couldn’t accept that there wasn’t a book that they wanted in the library. She made Penny check multiple times to find this book, believing it was an error on the library’s part, that it had been put in the wrong section. Even when Penny said to her politely that they didn’t have that book and that she’d have to try another library, she wasn’t having any of it.

Penny felt like strangling her.

God kill me now! I bet Michael is having a much better time than me! Wonder if he’s missing me as much as I’m missing him?

Michael however was pretty bored. There was only so much watching telly he could do! He thought about doing something useful but what?

He tidied up the flat a bit though to be fair it was pretty clean anyway. He knew that Penny finished at half 5 so wanted to make sure dinner was ready for her by the time she got back. After last time’s experience he knew not to make anything from scratch!

After that pesky customer eventually went away, the rest of the day was pretty good. She liked helping people find a good book, especially books that were historical. She also enjoyed recommending similar books to what they had borrowed. She’d certainly read a few books in her time!

She knew that Michael was an avid reader too, he really was her soul mate.

Michael quickly went to the local florist and bought a bouquet of roses. He found a clear vase and put one of the roses in it. He placed the vase in the middle of the dining room table. Was Penny even a flower person? He just wanted to show his love for her without overdoing it. He knew how much she hated being spoilt!

Finally her shift ended and she could get home! She’d missed Michael so much and was looking forward to seeing him again. The poor guy must have been so bored all day!

She turned the key into the front door and opened it. The smell of food hit her and she looked over to the dining room table where there were two plates of food not long come out of the oven. In the middle of the table was a bouquet of flowers with a small piece of paper attached.

She dropped her handbag on the sofa and picked up the paper.

Thought you’d might like these flowers and your tea on the table when you got back from work. Just popped to the shop to get something.

All my love,

Michael X

Man he really is the most adorable man in the world.

She sat at the table and waited for Michael to return. He came back a few minutes later with a bottle in his hand.

“You read my note then?”

“Mm I did, what’s the special occasion?”

“Well there is our upcoming wedding and I thought you’d had a hard day so thought I’d treat you. I took on board the fact that you don’t like to be overly spoilt so I thought I’d be more subtle.”

“The flowers are beautiful, thank you Michael and the food looks good too!”

“Well only the best for you love. So shall I crack open the bottle?”

“Yes please! I think I need a glass or two after the day I’ve had!”

“Oh dear has it been a bit of a day for you?”

“Just difficult customers from time to time! Other than that, it hasn’t been too bad of a day.”

“Well you’re home now and you can relax.”

“Very true my darling!”

Penny and Michael had a few glasses of white wine between them which of course made them very sleepy. Michael was holding Penny in his arms when she fell asleep.

Michael woke up suddenly and saw Penny in a deep sleep, her hair messy and mascara under her eyes. She looked absolutely shattered. Michael moved a strand of hair from her eyes and kissed her forehead.

“My angel.” Michael said to himself.

Eventually Michael carried Penny to bed and then went to sleep himself. Tomorrow would be his last day as a bachelor.

Penny although excited that she would be finally getting rid of her awful parents’ surname, was worried after what she was going to tell Michael tomorrow. He may not even want to marry or even be with her any more.

Penny went to meet Connie and surprisingly enough Connie was happy to wear that style of dress, much to Penny’s relief! Penny also went to collect her wedding dress. Much to Michael’s disgust, Penny kept it very secret the style of dress that she’d chosen!

Although Penny didn’t know Connie as well as she knew Carol, Connie was being surprisingly open about her marital problems.

She knew Michael was dying to know the gossip, so quickly told Michael before she headed into work for a few hours.

She couldn’t completely concentrate at work, she was trying to work out how to explain it to Michael. Well he was a pretty intelligent man so he’d probably understand.

Penny soon finished work and felt completely ready to tell him.

She came in the door and Michael gave her a big hug.

“Really missed you today love, I’ve been bored stiff! Oh Terry rang earlier about a sort of stag do the guys have organised tonight at his house or something so it means I have to travel back to London. But don’t worry I’ll be back early hours of the morning. I’m a bit worried as I’ve got no idea what they’ve planned!”

“Well knowing the Pythons something very wacky indeed! Anyway Michael I need to tell you something, will you sit down?”

They both sat down on the sofa. She held his hand tightly.

“Go on love, I’m all ears!”

“Well I haven’t been entirely honest about my personal life. Yes I was treated like shit by my parents and people were horrible to me at university but well, I don’t know how to put this but I’m not from this time, I’m from the future.”

[priyaivf-blog]

Best 18 Tips for a Healthy Pregnancy

1. Staying Healthy During Pregnancy

If you're pregnant or thinking about getting pregnant, you probably know some of the basic pregnancy advice about taking care of yourself and the baby: don't smoke or be around secondhand smoke, don't drink, and get your rest. Here are more pregnancy tips, from taking vitamins to what to do with the kitty litter, that can help ensure safe and healthy prenatal development.

2. Take a Prenatal Vitamin

Even when you're still trying to conceive, it's smart to start taking prenatal vitamins. Your baby's neural cord, which becomes the brain and spinal cord, develops within the first month of pregnancy, so it's important you get essential nutrients, like folic acid, calcium, and iron, from the very start.

Prenatal vitamins are available over the counter at most drug stores, or you can get them by prescription from your doctor. If taking them makes you feel queasy, try taking them at night or with a light snack. Chewing gum or sucking on hard candy afterward can help, too.

3. Exercise

Staying active is important for your general health and can help you reduce stress, control your weight, improve circulation, boost your mood, and sleep better. Take a pregnancy exercise class or walk at least 15-20 minutes every day at a moderate pace, in cool, shaded areas or indoors in order to prevent overheating.

Pilates, yoga, swimming, and walking are also great activities for most pregnant women, but be sure to check with your doctor first before starting any exercise program. Aim for 30 minutes of exercise most days of the week. Listen to your body, though, and don't overdo it.

4. Write a Birth Plan

Determined to have a doula? Counting on that epidural? Write down your wishes and give a copy to everyone involved with the delivery. According to the American Pregnancy Association, here are some things to consider when writing your birth plan:

- Who you want present, including children or siblings of the baby - Procedures you want to avoid - What positions you prefer for labor and delivery - Special clothing you'd like to wear - Whether you want music or a special focal point - Whether you want pain medications, and what kind - What to do if complications arise

5. Educate Yourself

Even if this isn't your first baby, attending a childbirth class will help you feel more prepared for delivery. Not only will you have the chance to learn more about childbirth and infant care, but you can ask specific questions and voice any concerns. You'll also become more acquainted with the facility and its staff.

Now is also a good time to brush up on your family's medical history. Talk to your doctor about problems with past pregnancies, and report any family incidences of birth defects.

6.Practice Kegels

Kegel exercises strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, which support your bladder, bowels, and uterus. Done correctly, this simple exercise can help make your delivery easier and prevent problems later with incontinence. The best part: No one can tell you're doing them, so you can practice kegels in the car, while you're sitting at your desk, or even standing in line at the grocery store. Here's how to do them right:

- Practice squeezing as though you're stopping the flow of urine when you use the bathroom - Hold for three seconds, then relax for three - Repeat 10 times

7. Change Up Chores

Even everyday tasks like scrubbing the bathroom or cleaning up after pets can become risky when you're pregnant. Exposure to toxic chemicals, lifting heavy objects, or coming in contact with bacteria can harm you and your baby. Here are some things to (hooray!) take off your to-do-list:

- Heavy lifting - Climbing on stepstools or ladders - Changing kitty litter (to avoid toxoplasmosis, a disease caused by a parasite which cats can carry) - Using harsh chemicals - Standing for long periods of time, especially near a hot stove

8. Track Your Weight Gain

We know—you're eating for two. But packing on too many extra pounds may make them hard to lose later. At the same time, not gaining enough weight can put the baby at risk for a low-weight birth, a major cause of developmental problems. Recently the Institute of Medicine (IOM) issued new guidelines for weight gain during pregnancy. Here's what the IOM recommends, based on a woman's BMI (body mass index) before becoming pregnant with one baby:

- Underweight: Gain 28-40 pounds - Normal weight: Gain 25-35 pounds - Overweight: Gain 15-25 pounds - Obese: Gain 11-20 pounds

Check in with your doctor frequently to make sure you're gaining at a healthy rate.

9. Go Shoe Shopping

At last, a perfect excuse to buy shoes! As your bump grows, so may your feet—or at least they may feel like they are. That's because your natural weight gain throws off your center of gravity, putting extra pressure on your tootsies. Over time this added pressure can cause painful over-pronation, or flattening out of the feet. You may retain fluids, too, which can make your feet and ankles swell.

So it's important to wear comfortable, nonrestricting shoes when you're pregnant. Many expectant moms find they need a larger shoe size even after they give birth, so go a step up if you need to. And be sure to put your feet up several times a day to prevent fatigue and swelling of the feet, legs, and ankles.

10. Rethink Your Spa Style

Pregnancy is definitely a time for pampering, but you need to be careful. Avoid saunas, which can make you overheated. Ditto for hot tubs: According to the American Pregnancy Association, it takes only 10 to 20 minutes of sitting in one for your body temperature to reach 102 degrees Farenheit—nearly the limit of what's considered safe for pregnant women. Also, certain essential oils can cause uterine contractions, especially during the first and second trimester, so check with your massage therapist to make sure only safe ones are being used. On the taboo list: juniper, rosemary, and clary sage. The same goes for over-the-counter medicines and supplements containing these herbal remedies; don't take them without first consulting your obstetrician or midwife.

11. Eat Folate-Rich Foods

In addition to drinking 8-10 glasses of water each day, you should eat five or six well-balanced meals with plenty of folate-rich foods like fortified cereals, asparagus, lentils, wheat germ, oranges, and orange juice. "Folic acid is crucial for the proper development of the baby's neural tube (it covers the spinal cord), and it's vital for the creation of new red blood cells," says Frances Largeman-Roth, R.D., author of Feed the Belly.

12. Recharge with Fruit

Most doctors recommend limiting caffeine during pregnancy, since it can have harmful effects on you and the baby. Cutting back can be tough, though, especially when you're used to your morning java. For a quick pick-me-up, try nibbling on some fruit. "The natural sugars in fruits like bananas and apples can help lift energy levels," says registered dietitian Frances Largeman-Roth.

13. Go Fish

In a 2007 study of more than 12,000 children, researchers found that youngsters whose moms ate the most fish during pregnancy had higher I.Q.s, plus better motor and communication skills, than those whose mothers did not eat fish. Scientists say that's because fish is high in omega 3s, a nutrient critical to brain development. There's just one catch: Some kinds of fish contain mercury, which can be toxic to both babies and adults.

To be safe, the FDA recommends that pregnant women eat no more than 12 ounces of fish per week. Stick with canned light tuna, shrimp, salmon, pollack, or catfish. Avoid swordfish, shark, king mackerel, and tilefish, which are all high in mercury.

14. Wear Sunscreen

Being pregnant makes your skin more sensitive to sunlight, so you're more prone to sunburn and chloasma, those dark, blotchy spots that sometimes appear on the face. Apply a sunscreen with an SPF of 30 or higher (many brands now offer chemical-free formulas, if you prefer a green option) and wear a hat and sunglasses. While no studies prove spending time in tanning beds can hurt your baby, the American Pregnancy Association recommends you avoid them while you're pregnant.

15. Travel Smart

Go ahead: book that flight, but take some precautions. The Mayo Clinic say mid-pregnancy (14 to 28 weeks) is usually the best time to fly—by this time you're probably over morning sickness, and the risk of miscarriage or early delivery is low. Still, check with your doctor about any travel plans, and make sure the airline has no restrictions for pregnant women. On the plane, drink plenty of water to stay hydrated, and get up and walk around every half hour to reduce the risk of blood clots. An aisle seat will give you more room and make trips to the bathroom easier.

In the car, continue to wear a safety belt. According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, the shoulder portion of the restraint should be positioned over the collar bone. The lap portion should be placed under the abdomen as low as possible on the hips and across the upper thighs, never above the abdomen. Also, pregnant women should sit as far from the air bag as possible.

16. Say Yes to Cravings—Sometimes

Truth be told, no one knows why cravings happen. Some experts say they may be nature's way of providing nutrients an expectant mom may be lacking. Others say they're an emotional thing. Regardless, as long as you're eating an overall healthy diet, it's usually OK to give in to your cravings. Just be careful to limit portions—don't down all that ice cream at once!—and know which snacks to steer clear of. A few foods to avoid: raw and undercooked meat or eggs; brie, feta, and other types of unpasteurized cheese; herbal teas; and raw sprouts.

17. Know When to Call the Doctor

Being pregnant can be confusing, especially if it's your first time. How do you know which twinge is normal and which one isn't? According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, you should call your doctor if you have any of these symptoms:

- Pain of any kind - Strong cramps - Contractions at 20-minute intervals - Vaginal bleeding or leaking of fluid - Dizziness or fainting - Shortness of breath - Heart palpitations - Constant nausea and vomiting - Trouble walking, edema (swelling of joints) - Decreased activity by the baby

18. Indulge Yourself

You may think you're busy now, but once the baby comes you'll have even fewer precious moments to yourself. Be sure to get at least eight hours of sleep a night, and if you're suffering from sleep disturbances, take naps during the day and see your physician if the situation doesn't improve.

Treating yourself, too: A lunchtime manicure, a much-needed night out with the girls, or simply taking a quiet walk can help you relax and de-stress—and that's good for both you and the baby.

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[spacetechnique]

Slowly towards completing Step 2 and starting on Step 3

Status Update

I've followed up the Rainbow-01 satellites with new more streamlined Rainbow II, this satellite is smaller and it's far easier to pack multiple of them aboard a single mission. The Rainbow II should give me a great idea of the kind of satellites I'll need to likely bring 4-8 of on the prep missions prior to the final Jool mission.

Rainbow II satellite

There won't be much to change in this design for quite some time as the OKTO2 is the only thing that's going to lighten it up--though I may consider going to ROUND-8 tanks if there's enough Δv in them.

Other than that, I've launched 3 small probe science missions as part of the DBuster program. Two probes were sent to the Mun and the third to Minmus after the first two probes determined that the LV+delivery system had more than enough Δv to handle the trip with fuel to spare.

And on that note...

RCS engines are not so bad, but they are bad

I'd always known about RCS engines as an ultra-light low thrust alternative to parts like the 48-7S and LV-1 Ant, but had always done the mental math as "well, it's clearly going to be heavier because there are more nozzles." Still, no time like the present to try it out, eh?

The current Dbuster program probe, which has flaws (namely, 2x RV-105 instead of 4x, what was I thinking?), looks like this:

DBuster I in the VAB

This probe's 4x Place-Anywhere 7 RCS ports and 2x RV-105's provide 10kn of thrust amounting to 792 m/s Δv with 0.315t in fuel from a single Stratus-V (I'll probably have to add more thrusters later)

For the weight, you'll all agree, this is terrible! An Oscar-B tank + LV-N? 2.23 TWR (Thrust-to-weight ratio) with 1400 Δv, Oscar-B + 48-7S? 19.5 TWR + 1200 Δv (the RCS thrusters in the example yield about 10~ TWR thrusting aft)! So what's the edge? Landing safety, and only landing safely, exclusively and entirely only and exactly landing safely.

There is no other upside.

650 Δv is more than enough to hit the ground at the Mun or Minmus, and with the RCS thrusters you gain 100% control over the ship as it comes down. My three test flights, while far more expensive than regular engines, had 0 difficulty landing or adjusting their landing zone once down. A polar landing that would have put me in shadow below a hill with a standard engine (or with a requirement to do some dangerous hops, constantly fighting to zero out angular velocity while stabilising from a hop) with the RCS thrusters I was able to slide sideways on descent and land squarely on a comfy plain nearby.

1. Initial landing location. 2. After adjustment landing location at 79° 41' 12" N by 3° 27' 57" W

So for 14x the price you can guarantee a safe landing in an optimal location. I enjoyed my fiddling with the RCS engines and can recommend them firmly on ease of use during descent -- however, anyone more price-minded should absolutely steer clear. Reaction Systems Ltd. and STAEDLER Engineering Corps have completely failed to deliver cost-effective engines... which makes sense because these things aren't engines..... so good on them I suppose.

Satellite alignment for optimal constant coverage.

IT WAS THIS EASY THE WHOLE TIME?

The inner two axes have the 4 Rainbow II probes. One at 45° degrees and the other at 135°

Set yourself into an orbit that is exactly some #of hours, for example, 2 hours, once into that circularised orbit break off a relay and burn up to an orbital period of 3 hours.

As soon as that's done, set your node to circularise at your periapse again.

This will allow your first relay to travel halfway around it's orbit, then slow yourself on the other side.

With 3 probes it's about the same idea, except you add 40 minutes (putting you 40m behind, or 1/3rd of 120 mins) and then run the orbit.

I can't believe it was this easy. Thanks to Youtube channel Matt Lam for the tutorial that finally put it all together for me (I've set this to approximate start of the important bit)

With a total success around the Mun we've just got to send the Minmas probes next and then step 2 is complete.

A final note: I've gone with this pattern of two axes to try and guarantee signal to all parts of the Mun at once, if 2 craft on 1 axis are at N and S pole, then the 2 craft on the other axis are at W and E poles, giving nearly total coverage. Obviously my setup didn't go perfectly but Minmus is the goal and that's where it needs to be perfect.

Electrolux II and the Rainbow II mission.

Almost immediately after developing the Bissel II I mirrored the success by creating the Electrolux II, a medium lifter capable of carrying 3x the Bissel's load into orbit. I did opt for less Δv to spare by using a pair of BACC Thumpers, but at $21,000 and utilizing 2x Advanced Inline Stabilizers I felt I was already pushing the limits of cost effectiveness as I know I'm able to move that payload to orbit for 15k or 16k from past experience.

The Electrolux II-01-LV.

What's the real difference? The Electrolux II is the same base shape as the Bissel, but with double the fuel and an LV-T30 as the central engine. The BACC boosters fall away and the first stage has fuel pipes to equalise the fuel supply, guaranteeing they all run out at the same time and fall away together.

I chose to develop the Electrolux II so quickly because of the MIGHTY need to move 4x Rainbow II satellites into an orbit at the same time. I wanted to make sure I had enough fuel in the second stage to do multiple fairly significant inclination changes once in the desired moon's orbit. I figured an LV designed to lift 7.73t into space lifting a payload of barely 2.5 (the individual Rainbow II sats are 0.48t) would end up with a ton of Δv remaining, and I was right, the Rainbow II mission entered Low-Kerbin Orbit with roughly 2000 Δv remaining, practically the entire second stage's fuel supply.

The Minmusian landing was actually driven to action by this mission (ah how things fall into place) as I'd completed the Rainbow II satellites and the Electrolux II but was uncertain if they'd be aerodynamically sound without a fairing - surprise they were not. I could not manage to keep any of the earlier Rainbow II test flights stable and eventually had to launch launch DBuster 3 to Minmus to gather the science required for the AE-FF1 Airstream Protective Shell.

The results were not pretty, but eminently stable, as the four probes on top of each other stacked higher than the fairing wanted to go so I had to resort to a four-leaf clover shape (as an aside, I love the internal attachment points on fairings! I need to find a way to use those!)

Okay let’s try a grossly high-quality image here then. On a personal note I love that all the antennae fit together snug but don’t touch.

This somewhat awkward layout is fine as the Rainbow II mission releases 2 probes on the same orbit anyway, then rotates 90° to release the other two, maintaining comfortable stability.

I'd say the downside here is the Electrolux II's second stage is meant to be a second stage, not a craft capable of operating independantly, thus it has no CPU, turning it into space junk once the communication satellites are launched. Nuts.

In it's current arrangement, a single Rainbow II program mission launch costs $10,409 per satellite put into orbit.

The Infinite Possibilities of a real open world - what's next?

I need a bit more cash, so I've accepted satellite missions for Goliath National Products, StrutCo, and Kerbal Motion LLC. None of these three satellite missions are particularly difficult, and will likely lead to me putting another 300k~ in the bank. This will provide me the cash needed to comfortably upgrade my Research and Development facility.

That's the real big thing though, once I hit R&D level 2 the Kerbol system really is my tiny green cartoon oyster. Once the R&D facility is upgraded I think I will attempt 4-6 more DBuster missions to the Mun to acquire Advanced Electrics, Advanced Exploration (and pre-req. Space Exploration), and then Specialised Construction. This new science will allow me to start putting space station parts up (starting with the science station core) that aren't terrible, using Clamp-o-Trons, BZ-52s, and empty fuel tanks (what!? I'll have Cubic Octagonal Struts some day!)

That segues into the real challenge: mid-term science acquisition to unlock all of the scanning and other science equipment. I'll do as much of this as possible before mounting some fairly major science missions within the Kerbin system, lugging every bit of science equipment into orbit, perhaps on a reusable system, before finally merging that craft with the station I've built.

This sets up a great situation for mining, fuel processing, and storage to be added to the station to create that lovely "all-in-one" station.

During this period of rapid growth, I'll need to find time for rescue missions and station missions, rescues are a fantastic source of free Kerbals and station missions are simply bursting with $.

I'll also need to start thinking about reusable craft for science gathering.

Yes, we're almost at the interesting bit.

+ What did we learn?

RCS thrust is pretty alright for a lander, but the cost is extreme compared to traditional LFO systems.

I am on the cusp of "the big part of the game" and I haven't even left Kerbin influence.

Parts drag is as real as it ever was, don't try and stick 40~ parts at the top of a rocket with no fairing.

Oh my gosh comm networks are so much easier than I thought.

+ N.B. and mods

I've removed USI as it is simply too much part clutter. Kronal Vessel Viewer (KVV) I've finally found a version that works and will be giving money to LinuxGuruGamer as soon as possible in thanks.

Sorry there weren't many pictures, here's some shots of earlier vessels exploded in Kronal Vessel Viewer.

Bissel II-01-LV

The defunct Rainbow 01.

A preview of the section for the Goliath National and StrutCo satellites, nothing exciting here.

[brittabroad]

Groningen Day 5 -Independence

So what I wanted to do my 3rd day here I finally got to do (mostly)! hehe

I wanted to go to a quiet place on my laptop and get some work done on typing up about my days thus far and posting them as well as looking up some things for my switch to my AirBnB and then doing some writing perhaps and then have the evening for a movie on my laptop or something! I got to do most of that!

I woke around 10:30 and decided to take breakfast downstairs at the hostel today. It was very limited -some grainy cereals, breads (brood), cheese (kaas), meats and PB &J  (as well as the chocolate sprinkles Hagelslag lol) then coffee, tea, milk (melk) or yogurt to drink (thanks Duolingo for teaching me these Dutch terms months ago lol and I’m sorry if I’ve gotten them wrong! :$ )

This is what I chose (saved the apple and orange for later):

bread with peanut butter and strawberry jam, Earl Gray tea (added milk later) and a banana

Afterwards I went back upstairs and grabbed my things and headed out. I wondered where I should go sit to write.

martini tower

I headed into the tourist information in grote markt and looked around getting 2 postcards (1 for me one for a penpal) before asking the information girl. She suggested Starbucks located in central station or the university then said most if not all cafes have free wifi so I nodded and thanked her and set off.

I wanted to get myself some pop or something so I went in search of the “dollarstore” I’d seen a couple days before in passing. Instead I located the library haha so I went there and sat down! Perfection for environment!

I sat and finished off the writing about Day 3 and posted it, used the washroom, snuck chips and corn nuts into my mouth as I was on my laptop typing up a bit of day 4 (yesterday) and also added some Crystal Light to my waterbottle for a taster lol

Finally I admitted defeat of needing food so I packed up and set forth.

Determined, I walked in the direction I thought I had seen the “dollarstore”. After not finding it down one street I thought, I paused and considered whether I wanted to eat at McDonald’s or Hema. I decided to check out both. Turning to walk again, I realized I’d stood myself right in front of a “dollarstore” although whether it was the same one from before I’m not sure XD but I browsed through it before getting 2 cans of Coke (one for later). Spoiler alert: I’m drinking 1 tonight right now not one during the daytime lol

I also saw this awesome thing:

I also then popped into a luggage store thinking of maybe getting a luggage scale and ideas on prices for a new suitcase (coz my Canadian one is having issues with the wheel and if I can get a few inches more space to not crush everything well...) But for 120 or more Euros for ones not even bigger than the one I have now...no thanks. I did see this interesting sight in there though uh:

I went into McDonald’s briefly to just check out the menu and prices before popping back into Hema to check them out. But my need for the toilet was huge so I went to the toilet. In the little I could understand of the Dutch sign you need to pay 40 cents to use the toilet. I wasn’t sure though whether it was mandatory or suggested... There was a woman sitting off to the side with a little dish at a table. I really needed to go so I just went in. Then on my way out she stopped me and another woman in Dutch and I’m assuming she asked the older woman if I was with her the woman answered then left me standing there and the dish woman spoke again in Dutch so I said “sorry/beg your pardon” or something so she spoke in English and told me I need to pay 40 cents for the toilet. I apologized and had to go into my bag for some change. She didn’t even speak to me after that when I put my payment down. Sorry ma’am I didn’t know for sure what I was doing; when I need to go my brain literally just goes away and on leaving I’d honestly forgotten :/

After looking at what Hema offered I decided to just get 2 hamburgers from McDonald’s and their peanut M&M McFlurry! YUM

BUT LOOK AT THIS: THEY WEAR DENIM AS THEIR UNIFORM HERE AT McD

Then I ate and walked at the same time for the central station to do some money exchange.

The woman recommended because of the commission charged 3.95 or something that if I wanted to do exchanges to do more than I was doing now which was initially 50 pounds to Euros. I panicked in last minute decision and exchanged for 90 instead

discovering afterwards that I still have like 30ish Euros left in my wallet to begin with and I also have a 10 in my suitcase at Carlijne’s. Damn. Probably didn’t need so much cash. Oh well. Better to have than to have not right?

By this time my blister could be felt again and I knew tis better not to aggravate so I grabbed a bus (coz I was right there)... I looked at a map and figured the 3 or 4 might work coz they went past Carlijne’s stop so I could get off nearby. I ended up on the 3 coz it came first.

I’m telling you it’s extremely liberating and pride-in-yourself-making when you take public transport in a foreign country for the first time on your own! :D

I ended up having to get off a little closer to Carlijne’s than I anticipated coz no stop was there by the car garage (where we did go) but it’s ok coz it was about halfway between the garage and her place so not terribly far.

When I got back to the hostel, I settled down on my laptop and later opened a Coke and emailed back family, emailed my AirBnB regarding check in (he hasn’t gotten back to me after he answered my 1st question but I need my other one answered so I know whether I come there tomorrow afternoon or evening... C’MON MAN) and I typed up and got pictures for the remainder of yesterday’s write up. Then I worked on this one!

Plans now? A film I think. Oh and I should mention that I was listening to a song on Youtube ‘Heathens’ by Twenty-One Pilots to start and it then autoplayed a hell of a lot of Celtic Woman suddenly lol no complaints tho but how do you go from Heathens to Irish music?! XD hehe

I discovered I had 2 new “roommates” when I got back tho neither were here just their bedding. One (to my right) had a sheet up like a curtain and she arrived within the 1st hour I was here. She’s Asian and very quiet which makes me wonder if she’s asleep lol

About an hour and a bit ago from now (it’s currently 10 mins to 9) a female staff brought in the other roomie; a boy. He looks nice he’s just been on his phone with his headphones and eating his sandwich and other things :) The staff lady asked if I wanted something to hang as well for privacy but I said it’s ok and I’m leaving tomorrow anyway I’ll be okay. :)

If anything else important happens, I’ll reblog this and add the new developments underneath!

Good relatively calm day today! I liked it!!!

[roccorrios]

Fallout Shelters Near Me: Nuclear & Bomb Shelter Locations (Under Ground)

A fallout shelter is a specially designed enclosure that safeguards occupants from radioactive waste in case of a nuclear war.

Underground fallout shelters are made of steel and were built in the past as civil defense systems during the cold war.

Read on to learn more about how to find the closest underground shelters near you and how to locate shelter signs.

Helpful resources:

Ultimate Survival Kits – Here

22 Best Survival Rifles & Survivalist Guns All Around (Prepper SHTF)

101 Bug Out Bag List Essentials: The Ultimate SHTF Gear Checklist

How to survive a nuclear attack

If you’re wondering how a nuclear explosion would impact your area, here’s a helpful simulation map that allows you to plug in where you live and test different detonation spots to see what the fallout area would look like.

Find your nearest fallout shelter

While nuclear explosives are lethal, you’ll experience their effects the most if you’re stuck in a limited area.

According to safety experts, you can survive a nuclear attack by taking the right precautions. Of course, the chances of surviving are usually higher if there has been a prior warning from your government’s ballistic missile warning system.

To increase your chances, locate an underground shelter – like a fallout bunker.

If none are in sight, you can go find a secure building, like an elementary school, and move to the center inside as recommended by the government.

Make sure you’re away from tall, collapsing buildings, doors, windows, and outer walls for ultimate protection.

The only problem with this is its really not a safe option – even in the basement.

It’s better than nothing. But, really you want something underground and built for that purpose.

The best way to survive a bombing is by hiding inside a nuclear shelter. To do that, you must know the basic fallout shelter signs.

Overall, there are only three survival options when it comes to optimal protection: Underground Mines, Caves, and Government Bunkers.

More helpful reading:

How to Clean a Rifle in 5 Steps (Bolt Action, Barrel, & Semi Auto Parts)

32 Best Everyday Carry Knives for Self Defense (EDC)

Option 1: Underground Mines

With underground mines you have to be careful to make sure the air has sufficient oxygen and isn’t toxic.

People have died from asphyxiation by going into an underground mine that lacks oxygen. Also, if the mine has been unused for a while, it could be in danger of collapsing from the explosion since it hasn’t been reenforced for some time.

These aren’t the only dangers with abandoned mines, though. Here’s more.

If you still want to know where all the mines are located near you, here’s an interactive map that shows where Mineral Resource mines are all located.

Note that not every mine is underground since the map also shows surface operations.

You’ll want to make a list of the mines and go visit them to see which ones could be an option for you.

Mineral resource mines aren’t the only option, though.

Here’s another interactive map showing inactive metal mines. You’ll also have to determine which ones are surface or underground.

I don’t recommend going inside of them.

Let me recommend another option – one that will be better.

Option 2: Caves

The popular ones are probably going to be taken quickly in an emergency. You need the ones that aren’t well known.

A good place to start is by searching through this list of caves by state. While you’re searching, take note of how many visitors go to visit the cave each year.

Option 3: Government Bunkers

There are several problems with Federal bunkers. Not only will it likely be difficult to gain access, they are also likely to be quite far away from your location. You aren’t going to have a lot of time to find safety.

Quick access is key.

You need something that is right near you – not 15 or 20 minutes away.

That’s why you need to build your own underground bunker or shelter just in case.

Look out for warning alerts

Whenever a warning sign has sounded, you want to be well prepared. Search for fallout shelter signs and locations in advance.

If you can’t find one, your only option may be the basement of a secure building, school, or hospital. Remember, the flight time of any powerful explosion ranges between 20 to 40 minutes depending on a targeted area.

This means you won’t have much time to make last-minute preparations.

Understanding what to do when an emergency occurs is your best bet for survival. You’ll want to avoid hiding inside a car because radiation can penetrate glass and metal or in the normal parts of a building because of falling debris and glass.

What should I do if the only fallout shelter near me is quite far away?

Identify a proper structure near you and take yourself inside safely and immediately. If you live in a high target area that may be prone to attack, consider constructing bomb bunkers.

You can also check out fallout shelters for sale if you’re working on a budget.

Evaluate whether or not it will fit all your needs. These can be more cost-effective than building from scratch.

There are lots of things that can happen due to a nuclear explosion. What are these effects?

A pulse of thermal energy

A flash of light

A pulse of nuclear radiation

An air blast

A fireball, and

Radioactive fallout

The first three effects occur almost immediately because they move at light speed. Thermal radiation can last for some seconds and cause extreme burns miles away from the explosion site.

An air blast travels farther and causes tremendous damage during a bombing by collapsing weak buildings, toppling vehicles, and throwing debris around.

You can avoid these effects by identifying and hiding in fallout hideout locations.

If you can’t find any, there is always one near the president of your state. For instance, Washington DC has one if ever an attack is made and is designed protect key people from unexpected fallout, falling buildings, and other signs of war from either world or cold war.

Understanding fallout shelter signs

Underground fallout shelters are critical and can help you survive the initial signs and stages of a blast.

If you have to go inside a house, you want to make sure it’s strong enough. Close all doors and windows and seal off air conditioners. Fallout shelter signs are usually easily distinguishable and noticeable – buildings, school, and other infrastructure within the city.

According to the CDC (Center of Disease Control), removing your outer clothing in case of a nuclear explosion is important and doing so can clear away up to 90% of harmful radioactive material.

You also want to be careful when removing the clothes to avoid shaking radioactive dust loose.

Safe disposal practices

Put your clothes inside a container or plastic bag, seal, and place it away from pets or humans.

Take a shower while exercising caution to cover any open wounds. If you’re unable to shower, the CDC recommends that you should wash your face, hands, and any other uncovered area of your body at the sink.

Clean up

Where there’s no soap and water, wipe your uncovered body parts with wet wipes. Remember to blow your nose and the proper disposal of contaminated items as we’ve mentioned above.

What else should you do when stuck in fallout hideout locations?

Follow the latest updates through a hand crank emergency or battery-powered radio. Remember, making calls can be difficult during an emergency. Try communicating with your friends and loved ones through text messaging, social media platforms, or email.

Can you survive a nuclear bomb in a fridge?

The idea that humans can survive an explosive in a fridge was first shown in a movie scene.

However, studies performed by scientists show that you’d hardly survive something like this – especially when you’re very close to the detonation site. It is one of the many signs that you cannot survive this kind of explosion.

Does the US have underground bunkers?

There are several underground bunkers across the United States, in Washington D C the most, built during the cold war that are available in case of signs of war. Some of them were built in isolated mine shafts that have since been excavated.

The US, particularly Washington DC is most prepared for this since it is the biggest – and the capital of the country.

How long can you live inside a nuclear shelter?

According to some government manuals, you can live in a fallout shelter for approximately two weeks. However, the time it takes for radiation to fade varies between a few days to roughly two weeks.

What Should I Include in a Nuclear Disaster Survival Kit?

What should you include in a survival kit for a bombing?

It can happen anywhere without prior warnings and signs and the first few hours can be critical for your survival.

How do you prepare for like this?

Having a go-bag or supply kit at home or inside your car can come in handy.

I recommend something like these Ultimate Survival Kits

Having a fallout shelter map will also help you identify a hiding place easily and fast. Also, finding and responding to fallout shelter signs will be of huge help for your survival.

Let’s discuss the most important items to have in your survival kit.

Enough drinking water – water is a critical component of the human body. While you can survive without food, it’s impossible to live without water.  If you’re fortunate enough to have found a fallout shelter for sale and gotten it all set up, chances are you already have enough water there. If you don’t have a bunker yet, you’ll need to store your supplies inside your nuclear survival kit.  Apart from drinking water, you’ll also need to clean the harmful components away which are why you should plan accordingly. According to safety experts, the best way to reduce the effects of a bombing is to take yourself in a safe place.  Sometimes you’ll have to travel long distances but if it helps you survive longer and guarantees safety, go for it. Remember, your food and water supplies should be well sealed to prevent radiation from penetrating through. Canned food is the best for emergency purposes but they usually take up lots of space inside your kit.

Pack MREs – you may want to consider packing some meals ready to eat (MREs) as they take up less space in your survival kit. Many people prefer canned foods because you can eat them without having to heat them. MREs should be heated before consumption.

Source of heat – here, we also apply the rule of 3s. This means you can survive 3 hours when stuck in severe weather conditions. If you live in extremely cold areas you’ll need something to heat your surroundings.  You should include these inside your survival kit. You don’t want to start collecting heat sources in the middle of an explosion. Some of these sources include propane, kerosene, and candle heaters. Regardless of the resource you choose, it should be portable and easy to use.

First aid kit – remember to include prescription medicine for any medical needs you or your family members may have. Include multiple items to keep you going for several days. Nuclear wars can happen at the time you least expected it, and having a first aid kit ready at all times will do you a huge help.

Objectives of an ordinary first aid kit

There are three basic goals of a normal first aid kit; prevent infection, stop bleeding, and help in decontamination (removal of harmful substances).

For your survival first aid kit, you should include radiation poisoning prevention items.

Even when you know what supplies are inside your kit, having a first aid handbook helps you in the middle of a disaster. Here’s a list of items you should consider adding to your survival kit.

Radiation protection

Potassium Iodide tablets (KI03). Radioactive iodine is discharged in the air following a bombing. Once you inhale or ingest, your body absorbs it and this can cause thyroid cancer.

Dust masks

Iodine. This can be used as an alternative to KI03 tablets. Apply iodine to the skin around your abdomen to facilitate its absorption in your body. While it’s not as effective as KI03 tablets, it’s better than nothing.

Heavy-duty plastic waste bags. You’ll keep all your contaminated items and clothing here.

Non-prescription drugs

Eye Wash

Non-aspirin or aspirin pain reliever

Anti-diarrhea medication

Laxatives

Antacid

Rubbing oil

Hydrogen peroxide or antiseptic

Syrup of Ipecac and activated charcoal. You should only use these if and when advised by the poison control center within your locality.

Specific need supplies

While this isn’t a conclusive list, it’ll help you understand any specialized medical supplies you or your family members may need for survival. Put into consideration any existing medical issues you may have before concluding your list

Prescription glasses

Hearing aids and extra batteries

Contact cases, lenses, and bottles of solution

Diapers

Insulin and syringes

Asthma inhalers

Feminine products

Blood pressure and sugar monitoring tools

Minimum of a 14-day supply of prescription medication

Always store your first aid kit within easy reach but away from moisture. Apart from items that come with an expiry date, monitor your supplies regularly, and cycle them accordingly. Use and replace any items with a shorter expiration date to ensure you have safe, fresh, and effective items to make it through an emergency.

Light source

During emergencies like a bombing, chances are high that there’ll be an extended power blackout leaving you in the dark for some days. If you’ve got a generator in your bomb shelter you could be lucky.

Still, you’ll need to stock up enough fuel for your generator. If you don’t, you may want to prepare alternative power sources – such as solar. Always include a power blackout kit inside your survival bag. These can be,

Candles

Lighters

Flashlights

Chargers

Torches

Extra batteries

Tools

You’ll need tools for canned foods. A can opener will be ideal in this case. Still, you can opt for multi-tools. With these, you’ll be able to fix anything that needs to be attended to. As a survival enthusiast, it’s important to have a folding knife with you always.

There are many folding knives available in the market to choose from. Do your research and select one that best fits your needs. The tools you can carry depend on how much space you have in your survival kit.

Radiation detector

Once everything has settled down and you want to move out, it’s important to ensure that radiation levels are safe. The ideal radiation levels should be below 20rem. A radiation detector will help you figure these out. States often prepare this before and after a nuclear war.

Fallout Shelters

Often, public fallout shelter locations come with three upside triangles enclosed in a circle. This is the universal fallout shelter sign. They’re specially designed to accommodate up to 50 people in case of an emergency. However, some of them can accommodate hundreds of people. In big cities like Washington D C, New York, Chicago, there are several hideouts prepared and built beforehand.

Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) recommendations state that every occupant should have at least 10 square feet of room space. The organization also recommends a minimum of 6.5 feet headroom. This is recommended as shelter signs that can help you survive and last long.

How to find fallout shelters near me

The ideal place to begin your search is a fallout USA map. There are lots of interactive maps online that you can take advantage of to identify mineral reserve operations within your region. Some of these maps show all nonmetallic and metallic mineral reserves complete with the deposit name, commodity, and location. Washington D C usually offers shelters for it is the capital city of the United States.

You’ll even get references. All you need is to zoom in on your region and locate city bomb shelter locations within your state. However, it’s important to understand that not all results you’ll get from a map are a real underground mine. Some of them could be gravel pits and surface mining activities. You’ll need to research further to obtain conclusive information.

Frequently Asked Questions

How much is a fallout shelter?

Underground bomb shelter prices vary depending on their specifications. If you want a basic one designed to resist the effects of an explosion, you’ll spend at least $2,500 in materials. This cost can go up to more than $6,000 based on your construction materials. Building a first-class bunker will set you back around $10,000 or more. Some of the available government bomb shelters for sale can be cost-effective.

When is it considered safe after a nuclear bomb?

Fallout radiation decays fast with time. Depending on the area, residents may be allowed to go on with their normal lives after five weeks.

Why does snow form after a nuclear bomb explosion?

Nuclear bomb fallout is a leftover radioactive component discharged in the upper atmosphere after an explosion. It’s named so because it falls out from the sky once an explosion and shock wave has faded. Fallout refers to radioactive ash and dust generated following the explosion of a nuclear weapon.

Don’t wait until the last minute

One of the best strategies to survive a nuclear explosion is to take shelter and remain calm. You’ll survive a nuclear bomb attack by applying these tips today. Get on Google Maps and do some research.

https://www.ready.gov/nuclear-explosion

The post Fallout Shelters Near Me: Nuclear & Bomb Shelter Locations (Under Ground) appeared first on .

source https://survivalistgear.co/fallout-shelters-near-me/ source https://survivalistgear1.tumblr.com/post/623681900666552322

[survivalistgear1]

Fallout Shelters Near Me: Nuclear & Bomb Shelter Locations (Under Ground)

A fallout shelter is a specially designed enclosure that safeguards occupants from radioactive waste in case of a nuclear war.

Underground fallout shelters are made of steel and were built in the past as civil defense systems during the cold war.

Read on to learn more about how to find the closest underground shelters near you and how to locate shelter signs.

Helpful resources:

Ultimate Survival Kits – Here

22 Best Survival Rifles & Survivalist Guns All Around (Prepper SHTF)

101 Bug Out Bag List Essentials: The Ultimate SHTF Gear Checklist

How to survive a nuclear attack

If you’re wondering how a nuclear explosion would impact your area, here’s a helpful simulation map that allows you to plug in where you live and test different detonation spots to see what the fallout area would look like.

Find your nearest fallout shelter

While nuclear explosives are lethal, you’ll experience their effects the most if you’re stuck in a limited area.

According to safety experts, you can survive a nuclear attack by taking the right precautions. Of course, the chances of surviving are usually higher if there has been a prior warning from your government’s ballistic missile warning system.

To increase your chances, locate an underground shelter – like a fallout bunker.

If none are in sight, you can go find a secure building, like an elementary school, and move to the center inside as recommended by the government.

Make sure you’re away from tall, collapsing buildings, doors, windows, and outer walls for ultimate protection.

The only problem with this is its really not a safe option – even in the basement.

It’s better than nothing. But, really you want something underground and built for that purpose.

The best way to survive a bombing is by hiding inside a nuclear shelter. To do that, you must know the basic fallout shelter signs.

Overall, there are only three survival options when it comes to optimal protection: Underground Mines, Caves, and Government Bunkers.

More helpful reading:

How to Clean a Rifle in 5 Steps (Bolt Action, Barrel, & Semi Auto Parts)

32 Best Everyday Carry Knives for Self Defense (EDC)

Option 1: Underground Mines

With underground mines you have to be careful to make sure the air has sufficient oxygen and isn’t toxic.

People have died from asphyxiation by going into an underground mine that lacks oxygen. Also, if the mine has been unused for a while, it could be in danger of collapsing from the explosion since it hasn’t been reenforced for some time.

These aren’t the only dangers with abandoned mines, though. Here’s more.

If you still want to know where all the mines are located near you, here’s an interactive map that shows where Mineral Resource mines are all located.

Note that not every mine is underground since the map also shows surface operations.

You’ll want to make a list of the mines and go visit them to see which ones could be an option for you.

Mineral resource mines aren’t the only option, though.

Here’s another interactive map showing inactive metal mines. You’ll also have to determine which ones are surface or underground.

I don’t recommend going inside of them.

Let me recommend another option – one that will be better.

Option 2: Caves

The popular ones are probably going to be taken quickly in an emergency. You need the ones that aren’t well known.

A good place to start is by searching through this list of caves by state. While you’re searching, take note of how many visitors go to visit the cave each year.

Option 3: Government Bunkers

There are several problems with Federal bunkers. Not only will it likely be difficult to gain access, they are also likely to be quite far away from your location. You aren’t going to have a lot of time to find safety.

Quick access is key.

You need something that is right near you – not 15 or 20 minutes away.

That’s why you need to build your own underground bunker or shelter just in case.

Look out for warning alerts

Whenever a warning sign has sounded, you want to be well prepared. Search for fallout shelter signs and locations in advance.

If you can’t find one, your only option may be the basement of a secure building, school, or hospital. Remember, the flight time of any powerful explosion ranges between 20 to 40 minutes depending on a targeted area.

This means you won’t have much time to make last-minute preparations.

Understanding what to do when an emergency occurs is your best bet for survival. You’ll want to avoid hiding inside a car because radiation can penetrate glass and metal or in the normal parts of a building because of falling debris and glass.

What should I do if the only fallout shelter near me is quite far away?

Identify a proper structure near you and take yourself inside safely and immediately. If you live in a high target area that may be prone to attack, consider constructing bomb bunkers.

You can also check out fallout shelters for sale if you’re working on a budget.

Evaluate whether or not it will fit all your needs. These can be more cost-effective than building from scratch.

There are lots of things that can happen due to a nuclear explosion. What are these effects?

A pulse of thermal energy

A flash of light

A pulse of nuclear radiation

An air blast

A fireball, and

Radioactive fallout

The first three effects occur almost immediately because they move at light speed. Thermal radiation can last for some seconds and cause extreme burns miles away from the explosion site.

An air blast travels farther and causes tremendous damage during a bombing by collapsing weak buildings, toppling vehicles, and throwing debris around.

You can avoid these effects by identifying and hiding in fallout hideout locations.

If you can’t find any, there is always one near the president of your state. For instance, Washington DC has one if ever an attack is made and is designed protect key people from unexpected fallout, falling buildings, and other signs of war from either world or cold war.

Understanding fallout shelter signs

Underground fallout shelters are critical and can help you survive the initial signs and stages of a blast.

If you have to go inside a house, you want to make sure it’s strong enough. Close all doors and windows and seal off air conditioners. Fallout shelter signs are usually easily distinguishable and noticeable – buildings, school, and other infrastructure within the city.

According to the CDC (Center of Disease Control), removing your outer clothing in case of a nuclear explosion is important and doing so can clear away up to 90% of harmful radioactive material.

You also want to be careful when removing the clothes to avoid shaking radioactive dust loose.

Safe disposal practices

Put your clothes inside a container or plastic bag, seal, and place it away from pets or humans.

Take a shower while exercising caution to cover any open wounds. If you’re unable to shower, the CDC recommends that you should wash your face, hands, and any other uncovered area of your body at the sink.

Clean up

Where there’s no soap and water, wipe your uncovered body parts with wet wipes. Remember to blow your nose and the proper disposal of contaminated items as we’ve mentioned above.

What else should you do when stuck in fallout hideout locations?

Follow the latest updates through a hand crank emergency or battery-powered radio. Remember, making calls can be difficult during an emergency. Try communicating with your friends and loved ones through text messaging, social media platforms, or email.

Can you survive a nuclear bomb in a fridge?

The idea that humans can survive an explosive in a fridge was first shown in a movie scene.

However, studies performed by scientists show that you’d hardly survive something like this – especially when you’re very close to the detonation site. It is one of the many signs that you cannot survive this kind of explosion.

Does the US have underground bunkers?

There are several underground bunkers across the United States, in Washington D C the most, built during the cold war that are available in case of signs of war. Some of them were built in isolated mine shafts that have since been excavated.

The US, particularly Washington DC is most prepared for this since it is the biggest – and the capital of the country.

How long can you live inside a nuclear shelter?

According to some government manuals, you can live in a fallout shelter for approximately two weeks. However, the time it takes for radiation to fade varies between a few days to roughly two weeks.

What Should I Include in a Nuclear Disaster Survival Kit?

What should you include in a survival kit for a bombing?

It can happen anywhere without prior warnings and signs and the first few hours can be critical for your survival.

How do you prepare for like this?

Having a go-bag or supply kit at home or inside your car can come in handy.

I recommend something like these Ultimate Survival Kits

Having a fallout shelter map will also help you identify a hiding place easily and fast. Also, finding and responding to fallout shelter signs will be of huge help for your survival.

Let’s discuss the most important items to have in your survival kit.

Enough drinking water – water is a critical component of the human body. While you can survive without food, it’s impossible to live without water.  If you’re fortunate enough to have found a fallout shelter for sale and gotten it all set up, chances are you already have enough water there. If you don’t have a bunker yet, you’ll need to store your supplies inside your nuclear survival kit.  Apart from drinking water, you’ll also need to clean the harmful components away which are why you should plan accordingly. According to safety experts, the best way to reduce the effects of a bombing is to take yourself in a safe place.  Sometimes you’ll have to travel long distances but if it helps you survive longer and guarantees safety, go for it. Remember, your food and water supplies should be well sealed to prevent radiation from penetrating through. Canned food is the best for emergency purposes but they usually take up lots of space inside your kit.

Pack MREs – you may want to consider packing some meals ready to eat (MREs) as they take up less space in your survival kit. Many people prefer canned foods because you can eat them without having to heat them. MREs should be heated before consumption.

Source of heat – here, we also apply the rule of 3s. This means you can survive 3 hours when stuck in severe weather conditions. If you live in extremely cold areas you’ll need something to heat your surroundings.  You should include these inside your survival kit. You don’t want to start collecting heat sources in the middle of an explosion. Some of these sources include propane, kerosene, and candle heaters. Regardless of the resource you choose, it should be portable and easy to use.

First aid kit – remember to include prescription medicine for any medical needs you or your family members may have. Include multiple items to keep you going for several days. Nuclear wars can happen at the time you least expected it, and having a first aid kit ready at all times will do you a huge help.

Objectives of an ordinary first aid kit

There are three basic goals of a normal first aid kit; prevent infection, stop bleeding, and help in decontamination (removal of harmful substances).

For your survival first aid kit, you should include radiation poisoning prevention items.

Even when you know what supplies are inside your kit, having a first aid handbook helps you in the middle of a disaster. Here’s a list of items you should consider adding to your survival kit.

Radiation protection

Potassium Iodide tablets (KI03). Radioactive iodine is discharged in the air following a bombing. Once you inhale or ingest, your body absorbs it and this can cause thyroid cancer.

Dust masks

Iodine. This can be used as an alternative to KI03 tablets. Apply iodine to the skin around your abdomen to facilitate its absorption in your body. While it’s not as effective as KI03 tablets, it’s better than nothing.

Heavy-duty plastic waste bags. You’ll keep all your contaminated items and clothing here.

Non-prescription drugs

Eye Wash

Non-aspirin or aspirin pain reliever

Anti-diarrhea medication

Laxatives

Antacid

Rubbing oil

Hydrogen peroxide or antiseptic

Syrup of Ipecac and activated charcoal. You should only use these if and when advised by the poison control center within your locality.

Specific need supplies

While this isn’t a conclusive list, it’ll help you understand any specialized medical supplies you or your family members may need for survival. Put into consideration any existing medical issues you may have before concluding your list

Prescription glasses

Hearing aids and extra batteries

Contact cases, lenses, and bottles of solution

Diapers

Insulin and syringes

Asthma inhalers

Feminine products

Blood pressure and sugar monitoring tools

Minimum of a 14-day supply of prescription medication

Always store your first aid kit within easy reach but away from moisture. Apart from items that come with an expiry date, monitor your supplies regularly, and cycle them accordingly. Use and replace any items with a shorter expiration date to ensure you have safe, fresh, and effective items to make it through an emergency.

Light source

During emergencies like a bombing, chances are high that there’ll be an extended power blackout leaving you in the dark for some days. If you’ve got a generator in your bomb shelter you could be lucky.

Still, you’ll need to stock up enough fuel for your generator. If you don’t, you may want to prepare alternative power sources – such as solar. Always include a power blackout kit inside your survival bag. These can be,

Candles

Lighters

Flashlights

Chargers

Torches

Extra batteries

Tools

You’ll need tools for canned foods. A can opener will be ideal in this case. Still, you can opt for multi-tools. With these, you’ll be able to fix anything that needs to be attended to. As a survival enthusiast, it’s important to have a folding knife with you always.

There are many folding knives available in the market to choose from. Do your research and select one that best fits your needs. The tools you can carry depend on how much space you have in your survival kit.

Radiation detector

Once everything has settled down and you want to move out, it’s important to ensure that radiation levels are safe. The ideal radiation levels should be below 20rem. A radiation detector will help you figure these out. States often prepare this before and after a nuclear war.

Fallout Shelters

Often, public fallout shelter locations come with three upside triangles enclosed in a circle. This is the universal fallout shelter sign. They’re specially designed to accommodate up to 50 people in case of an emergency. However, some of them can accommodate hundreds of people. In big cities like Washington D C, New York, Chicago, there are several hideouts prepared and built beforehand.

Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) recommendations state that every occupant should have at least 10 square feet of room space. The organization also recommends a minimum of 6.5 feet headroom. This is recommended as shelter signs that can help you survive and last long.

How to find fallout shelters near me

The ideal place to begin your search is a fallout USA map. There are lots of interactive maps online that you can take advantage of to identify mineral reserve operations within your region. Some of these maps show all nonmetallic and metallic mineral reserves complete with the deposit name, commodity, and location. Washington D C usually offers shelters for it is the capital city of the United States.

You’ll even get references. All you need is to zoom in on your region and locate city bomb shelter locations within your state. However, it’s important to understand that not all results you’ll get from a map are a real underground mine. Some of them could be gravel pits and surface mining activities. You’ll need to research further to obtain conclusive information.

Frequently Asked Questions

How much is a fallout shelter?

Underground bomb shelter prices vary depending on their specifications. If you want a basic one designed to resist the effects of an explosion, you’ll spend at least $2,500 in materials. This cost can go up to more than $6,000 based on your construction materials. Building a first-class bunker will set you back around $10,000 or more. Some of the available government bomb shelters for sale can be cost-effective.

When is it considered safe after a nuclear bomb?

Fallout radiation decays fast with time. Depending on the area, residents may be allowed to go on with their normal lives after five weeks.

Why does snow form after a nuclear bomb explosion?

Nuclear bomb fallout is a leftover radioactive component discharged in the upper atmosphere after an explosion. It’s named so because it falls out from the sky once an explosion and shock wave has faded. Fallout refers to radioactive ash and dust generated following the explosion of a nuclear weapon.

Don’t wait until the last minute

One of the best strategies to survive a nuclear explosion is to take shelter and remain calm. You’ll survive a nuclear bomb attack by applying these tips today. Get on Google Maps and do some research.

https://www.ready.gov/nuclear-explosion

The post Fallout Shelters Near Me: Nuclear & Bomb Shelter Locations (Under Ground) appeared first on .

source https://survivalistgear.co/fallout-shelters-near-me/

[gethealthy18-blog]

Let’s Talk About Racism + The Wellness Industry

New Post has been published on http://healingawerness.com/news/lets-talk-about-racism-the-wellness-industry/

Let’s Talk About Racism + The Wellness Industry

We all want to believe we’re not racist. Even people who engage in overtly racist behaviors don’t see their behavior as racist. Our egos are a powerful thing that prevent us from seeing how our words, our actions and many times our silence and inaction can be harmful to other people. But that doesn’t make it right. And I am certainly not immune to this. This past year, and in particular the past few weeks have really woken me up to how I’ve both contributed to and benefitted from racism in this country. The wellness industry is no exception.

Now I could certainly address how our entire country is built around systemic racism, I wanted to focus on the wellness industry, because it’s my industry and the one I’ve dedicated my career to for the past 8 years. It’s also the area where I feel I can have the greatest impact and I sense this is the case for you too. They say that any lasting change must begin in your home and well, this place is my home so let’s start talking.

The History of Wellness

The Oxford English Dictionary first recognized the word “wellness” in 1654 as “a state of being well or in good health”. The term wasn’t given much thought or use in literature until the 70s with the establishment of The Wellness Resource Center in Mill Valley, California in 1975. The center brought together followers of Dr. John T. Travis’ concept of the Illness-Wellness Continuum.

“Moving from the center to the left shows a deteriorating state of health. Moving to the right of center indicates increasing levels of health and well-being. The Treatment Paradigm can only take you to the neutral point, where the symptoms of disease have been alleviated. That is all it is designed to do. The Wellness Paradigm, on the other hand, which can be utilized at any point on the continuum, helps you move toward higher levels of wellness.” (source)

Ironically, the group was profiled by Dan Rather in a 60-minutes segment as being more of a cult than a group looking to better their health. Wellness was very much still a fringe concept. Also yes, the irony is not lost on me that this all unfolded in my own backyard. These “wellness hippies” were enthusiastic with the concept of “self-care” i.e. caring for our own minds, bodies and nature as the means to enduring health and happiness. They were also weary of conventional doctors and medicine – two concepts that remain a central position of the wellness industry today.

There’s debate as to when “wellness” made its comeback but one thing is certain, it’s jumped from the fringes to being mainstream. According to the Global Wellness Institute, the wellness industry is a $4.2 Trillion Global Industry – with 12.8% Growth from 2015-2017 (source). That was just 3 years ago. This is more than 3 times the growth of the global pharmaceutical industry! Rather than a war between conventional medicine and wellness culture, we’re seeing more integration and cooperation. No doubt, these are all good things, but that doesn’t mean everyone feels included in this change.

Is The Wellness Industry Racist?

Before jumping into this question I think it’s probably fair to assume that yes, the wellness industry is racist. Just look up the hashtag #wellness on Instagram and you’ll see an overwhelmingly amount of images of thin, white women. Though the tides are changing, it’s overtly clear who gets to participate in #wellness and those who don’t. While the images may speak for themselves, let’s focus on the facts:

Black women are 3.4 x more likely than white women to die in childbirth (source)

Only 1 in 3 Black Americans who need access to mental health care actually receive it – despite being affected at the same rate as their white counterparts. (source)

Less than 10% of participants in medical studies come from minority groups – despite making up almost 40% of the US population (source)

In the US, approximately 11% of African Americans are not covered by health insurance (source)

The Death rate for African Americans is higher than whites for heart disease, stroke, cancer, asthma, influenza and pneumonia, diabetes, HIV/AIDS (source)

Clearly health outcomes for Black and minority populations in the US are not good, and this is just looking at health outcomes. BIPOC are not receiving the same access or level of health care as White Americans. But this just barely touches the wellness industry which oftentimes comes one step before or one step after conventional healthcare.

People tend to engage in wellness practices as a form of preventative medicine or an alternative approach to conventional medicine when they feel conventional has failed them. These practices include everything from supplements to workouts, various diets to body care products. Perhaps not always rooted in medical science, proponents of the wellness industry look for anecdotal or occasionally spiritual evidence to support their claims. I’m not here to tell you that conventional vs. alternative (namely wellness practices) are mutually exclusive. I think there’s room for both. They both however are exclusionary.

For one, a central tenant of wellness is the idea of “self-care” as the key to health and happiness. Put simply, BIPOC don’t have the same luxury to engage in self-care practices as their White counterparts. When you’re busy working twice as hard as your fellow citizens for positions which still offer less money, less access and less overall support, the idea of caring for yourself is simply a luxury you quite literally cannot afford. The cost of supplements, workout classes, special foods and body care products is a barrier to entry for many, especially when the wage gap between Black and White Americans is over 26% (source).

Not to mention the fact that minorities are grossly underrepresented as wellness practitioners. I don’t have exact facts to back this up but walk into any nutritionists office or yoga class and I can almost guarantee you they will be white. The cost of most training programs (including nutrition, coaching and yoga) ranges from $3000-$7000 dollars. This requires expendable income that many minority groups simply don’t have access to and aren’t given appropriate reparations to get access to. And when you can’t feel seen in class or by a coach or teacher, it feels hard to believe these practices apply to you.

The ironic piece of all of this is that many of the wellness practices can be attributed to communities of color. White people have appropriated these practices and then limited access just for themselves. It’s wellness colonization of sorts.

How to Be Anti-Racist in Wellness

So what are we going to do about it?

I am certainly not a anti-racism teacher or academic so I will be deferring to resources from Black and minority voices and teachers to share how we can become actively anti-racist in the wellness community.

The first step is to uncover your own racist biases. 

I encourage you to start with these two resources:

Read both. Learn. Listen. Fill out the writing prompts. Let it sink in.

The next step is to implement change.

I’m not going to repeat the actions listed in the Diversity Workbook as you should really consider financially supporting them to get access to to their suggestions. Instead I’ll share how we are implementing change to be anti-racist in wellness.

Making sure this space is inclusive of all backgrounds. This includes all of our messaging, images and anything we promote. If it doesn’t support people of color and/or isn’t accessible to them, we will not promote it.

Not working with any brands that do not also support BIPOC and/or aren’t including BIPOC in their messaging, influencers or promotions.

Utilizing the blog and social media to promote stories and work from BIPOC. We don’t need another white girl teaching you how to make matcha 😉

We have always offered a sliding scale to BIPOC for Camp Wellness, however we will officially be offering Camp Wellness for free to communities of color until further notice. We consider these reparations for generations of abuse and not gifts or donations.

Taking consideration of where a wellness practice was created and if credit is appropriately applied and/or if there’s a better voice to share it.

Staying in my own lane. While I want to ensure what we share is inclusive, I cannot understand the pain and the hardship of people of color so I will not create tips and resources to speak to those communities. I will certainly continue to promote and amplify the people who do.

A huge overhaul of THM to be more inclusive of voices from different backgrounds – stay tuned!

Black Women in Wellness to Follow

I wanted to highlight a list of Black Women in Wellness to follow for inspiration. I’ve had the opportunity to chat with many of these women on the podcast and some I’ve followed for years. This list is not exhaustive. There are MANY more voices of color in the wellness space. Please share any you love in the comments below and of course, check out this list for inspiration.

Koya Webb – Koya is such an inspiring voice in the wellness space! She is a yoga teacher, health coach, author and speaker who promotes a few of my favorite things: self care, eco-friendly living, mental health and social injustices.

Alex Elle – Alex is one of my favorite IG follows. She is such a light in that space – her words are so powerful! Alex is an author and wellness consultant that teaches workshops and retreats. Her mission is to build community and self-care practices. She’s also an author of multiple books… highly recommend!

Lauren Ash – Lauren is a trailblazer in the wellness space for the Black community. She is the founder of Black Girl in Om where she creates content and experiences speaking directly to Black women and women of color. She is a meditation guide, yoga instructor, speaker and host of the Black Girl Om podcast.

Latham Thomas – I had Latham on the podcast ins 2018 and loved our conversation! She is changing the conversation when it comes to women and childbirth. She is the founder of Mama Glow, a company that supports women through fertility, pregnancy, after birth and into new motherhood.

Lalah Delia – Lalah is the founder of Vibrate Higher Daily, a wellness company dedicated to helping people to live a higher vibrational life. She helps people return to their empowered, whole selves.

Maryam Hasnaa – Maryam’s focus is on teaching other’s to live their soul’s purpose. LOVE THIS! She incorporates ancient wisdom with new information to teach deep transformational healing.

Tiffany Ima – I am here for Tiffany’s message! She shows up in her real, authentic voice and image to help others embrace their body. She shares simple tips to help build your body confidence and become the woman you always dreamed of becoming.

Arielle Lawrence –  I still think about our conversation regularly… it was so impactful! Ariel has lived with diabetes for 12+ years and has made it her mission to use her platform, Just a Little Suga’ to support and educate people of color about diabetes. So so important!

Erica Chidi Cohen – Erica worked as a doula in the San Francisco prison system – working with pregnant inmates. She has since co-founded LOOM to “empower people as they navigate their sexual and reproductive experience.” Erica is passionate about helping people cultivate body literacy and sex positivity. If you’re pregnant, check out her book, “Nurture: A Modern Guide to Pregnancy, Birth and Early Motherhood.”

Jessamyn Stanley – Another podcast guest! I love Jessamyn and her message of body positivity! She is a yoga teacher that focuses classes around body positivity by encouraging students to ask “how do I feel?” rather than “how do I look”.

* * * * *

We have a long way to go in making the wellness space more equitable and more importantly, just. I also acknowledge how much work I need to do personally to unravel my own biases and ways in which I’ve benefited from white privilege. But I’m a firm believer that none of us can be “well” if only some of us can be well. We have an opportunity to redefine what wellness means. I hope we can expand beyond the notion of “self-care” to be inclusive of all care. We are committed to this process. We hope you will be too.

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