#which obvs isn't really a great solution either

[fluentisonus]

while we're talking about it though that's something really fundamental to spock's character I think in a way I don't always see discussed, that by joining starfleet he's making the explicit and intentional choice that he'd rather be seen as a perfect example of an alien amongst humans than as an imperfect vulcan amongst vulcans. I see this framed a lot as him being more accepted in starfleet than he was on vulcan, and I really don't think that's the case at all: he's still very attached to vulcan, and we see all the prejudice he has to face and how little he's understood in starfleet. but what it comes down to is that he'd rather exist in a place where no one understands him and so he has nothing to prove -- even if that means being very alone -- than in a place where he's surrounded by the familiar & meaningful but everyone can see the ways he can't quite fit. if that makes sense

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Grace

Rio: Hey Rio: rough night, I hear Grace: Ugh Rio: That bad? Grace: Let's just not Grace: mum and dad have obvs given you the goss so like Rio: they just said you might wanna talk Rio: I'm out of the loop Rio: try me Grace: oh please none of you wanna pick up the phone unless Janis uses hers to call me out Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Rio: that ain't true Rio: and I'm here now Grace: sure babes Rio: come on Rio: you're gonna do me that dirty? Rio: pop an aspirin and spill Grace: there's no big drama, I've already told literally everyone that Rio: then why has it been made into one Rio: your chance to put your side across, don't be too pouty to take it Grace: UM hello, cos Janis is extra Grace: 🤞 that we'll all forget she took nan's car the other night if we focus on me rn Rio: So she made it up? Grace: she made it into something it's not duh Grace: so I hit up my ex Rio: Not like her to get involved, ever Rio: never mind for nothing Rio: what's up with that? Grace: like I said, mum and dad are !!!! about her and her bf so Grace: she's over it Rio: Who even is he Rio: some english kid, they said Grace: mhmm Grace: he's the hot new boy at school Rio: isn't there anyone new you've got your eye on Rio: exes are never a good idea, drama unwarranted or nah Grace: It's not like he's ever gonna be more than that Grace: I just needed a ride thanks Rio: You can't be doing that, babe Grace: I didn't end up doing anything, it's fine Rio: That ain't the point, you know that Rio: you treat lads like shit, give them the warrant to do it back Rio: you don't need to be living like that Grace: He already did, that's why he's an ex Rio: and that's why you don't hit him up Rio: that is not an ex, honey Grace: OMG he took me to a party not a registry office Rio: No one is concerned you're taking it too seriously Rio: not seriously enough Grace: Great, it's your turn to call me a hoe now Grace: love that Rio: Stop Rio: trying to be so right you hear us all wrong Rio: not taking serious how you let lads treat you Grace: No, Ri you can stop Grace: however bad you want me to feel I already do, trust Grace: it was the worst day, I tried to make it better Grace: that did NOT happen Grace: & now I'm over it Rio: I don't want you to feel bad, that's the whole point Rio: so what happened Grace: Nothing! I went to the fair with one boy, he left so I called another to take me home Grace: like I'm so sorry I'm not still there literally stranded Rio: You wouldn't be stranded don't be ridiculous Rio: we're not daft, you didn't need to go anywhere with that lad Rio: what happened to the first lad then Grace: well I OBVS wanted to Grace: who wouldn't after such a cringe date Rio: but your ex is a twat, no Rio: what kind of solution Grace: he doesn't pretend he isn't Rio: that makes it alright then Rio: come off it Rio: it's ice cream and bitching you need, not pencilling in another immediately after Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: I'm not 9 hun Rio: Yes, you're very mature Rio: for God's sake Grace: Excuse you Grace: I shouldn't have called him okay but it's not that deep Rio: you two need to sort it out Rio: mum and dad don't need this Grace: OMG Grace: how dare you Grace: that bitch literally put herself in REAL danger, that's not me Rio: that's not what I heard Grace: Yeah? Grace: so when you literally just said that they told you I wanted to talk that was a lie Rio: well they're not going to just throw that at me with no context Grace: & the context is ???? Rio: Grace, tbh, I don't have the time to relay to you what you did, hence asking you at the start of this conversation Grace: mhmm Grace: you never have time for any of us Grace: & now you expect me to open up to you or something Rio: things change Rio: I'm not a child anymore either, I've got my own family, a job Rio: just because I can't be here 24/7 doesn't mean I'm not still your big sister Grace: Just stop Grace: pretending that you care about me Grace: treating me like I'm still 12 Grace: you can just stop Rio: we all care about you, Grace Grace: thanks for not wanting me to also get killed, obvs Grace: but like I've got that covered Rio: Clearly not Rio: I thought you were better than this Rio: we need less people in this family acting so recklessly Rio: why do you have to join in Grace: UM Janis is the one drunkenly trying to joyride Grace: give her some of this energy Rio: and you think getting taken to a party where you don't know anyone and it's majority older men then getting blackout drunk is any less dangerous Rio: worry about yourself Rio: she's a separate issue Grace: That isn't even what I did Grace: he lied to me about the party Rio: this is why you can't associate with people you already know are bad news Rio: you're a smart girl, you need to act like it or you'll get taken advantage of Rio: none of us want to see that Rio: you don't need me to tell you all the worse things that could've happened, my god, just like Janis doesn't need us to explain to her the dangers of what she did, but we still have to if you're both going to be pulling stunts like this Grace: I need for Janis not to tell mum and dad that I'm following in yours, Edie's and Carly's footsteps depending on the mood Grace: if she'd left me alone I wouldn't have been that drunk Grace: it's totally her fault that I couldn't just go home Rio: You can't put yourself in needless danger because you two are having a spat Rio: there's no scenario in life you don't take responsibility for your actions, babe Rio: because you'd be the one getting hurt, not her Grace: OMG it wasn't about her! I literally told you I was having the worst day Grace: like you've never hit up an ex cos he's a sure thing Grace: & I'm so sure Buster was right there whenever & that was always a good idea Rio: You just said it was Rio: and even if this was about me and my mistakes, which it isn't at all, what, you think that means it's okay for you to repeat them and I'll be cool with that Rio: god love them but I am not mum and dad, that's not how I do things okay Grace: & you just said I'm the problem Grace: I know, okay? Rio: I did not Grace: whatever, babes Rio: Do not whatever me Rio: I didn't, and you don't get to dismiss actual advice and concern because you're in a strop Grace: ugh Grace: in a strop? Really Rio: Yes, really Grace: You literally have no idea how I feel Rio: then tell me Grace: I'd honestly rather die than have you report back to mum and dad anything I've ever said Rio: for god's sake Rio: that isn't what it's about Grace: Oh okay, you just happen to be in my inbox Grace: it's so not cos I won't tell them anything Rio: If you don't feel good, it needs to be sorted Rio: that isn't going to happen if you keep doing what you're doing and don't talk to any of us Grace: I can't talk to any of you, you're my problem Rio: if you aren't mature enough to talk about this, then I'll have to tell 'em as much Grace: No, this family is literally my problem Grace: growing up in it as the ugliest one, the stupidest one Rio: why would you even think something like that Grace: Duh, it's what everyone thinks Rio: no it's not Rio: and the ones that say they do are not worth listening to Rio: there's always going to be the ones that say horrible things, but that doesn't mean it's true Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Rio: don't roll your eyes like it doesn't matter Rio: it does Grace: your mum answers don't matter & they don't help me Rio: Grace, you need to help yourself Rio: you have to decide it isn't going to get to you, and then it's a process of actively ignoring that and telling yourself the opposite, surrounding yourself with other people who lift you up too, not drag you down Rio: then, you stand a chance of believing it Rio: lamenting how mean people are and blaming us, will never make you feel better Rio: you deserve to feel better than that, you need to Grace: OMG you chose to do everything you did online & marry our cousin, I didn't choose to look like this Grace: You don't know what it's like & you can't Grace: none of you do so stop judging me for how I deal with it Rio: And you can choose to reckon I deserve it then, that all the rest of us do Rio: but that'll never stop them judging you as well Rio: anything you do, they still will, that's just life I'm afraid Rio: and I'm not judging how you deal with it, I'm telling you I see that you aren't Rio: uncomfortable as that might make you, it's because I want you to, I want you to feel better Grace: Wow, thanks Rio: Deal with it, seriously Rio: this is no way to live your life Grace: Good talk, babes Grace: so motivational Rio: Shut the fuck up with your fake bullshit for once and take it in Rio: I am so sick of this, I'm not doing it again Grace: I have Janis for my tough love so Rio: It's not tough love Rio: consider why someone just trying to be real with you feels like an attack Rio: you can't fake that those defenses are real with me, girl Rio: I've known you longer than you've known yourself Grace: honey, I know why, I know everything I am & everything I'm not Grace: of course I'm the fakest Grace: why would I wanna be real? Rio: You know what they say you are Rio: and you're prepared to live up to that and that alone Rio: no life, like I said Rio: you can do so much better Grace: cos being real worked out so well for Edie, right? Grace: & Janis is really living her best life with that honesty too now Rio: Stop deflecting as if this is about anyone but you Rio: you are no better off Rio: it'll kill you just as fast Grace: I can't separate myself from any of you, that, like I said, is my problem Rio: yet again, because you're obsessed with the validation you'll never get from arseholes who have no stake in seeing you win Rio: they want another show and you are giving it Rio: this family has done nothing but encourage you to be yourself, ever Grace: Do you even remember what 15 feels like? Take a sec, babes Rio: Like I said, you won't get the 'we all make mistakes' off me Rio: you can learn, you have so much opportunity Grace: Opportunity to keep being compared & always come last in that comparison, sure Grace: 👌👌👌 Rio: so be a loser, yeah? Rio: prove them right Rio: because who have you won over here Rio: your bitchy friends that are more trouble than they're worth Grace: they OBVS are right, I'm not pretty or smart Grace: I'm a bitch and not in the way where it's actually goals Grace: so like ??? Rio: None of that is true Rio: but we can't have this conversation if you're at a place where you believe it is Grace: bye then Grace: catch you at the next crisis 👋 Rio: No, Grace Rio: you don't get to feel justified in thinking none of us care just because the help you need goes beyond what we can say and do Rio: I'm getting you professional help, but it won't work unless YOU want it to Rio: and if you don't, if you're happy to settle for this then yes, you are exactly like her Grace: You're not mum, stop acting like it Rio: it's your decision, and one you know full-well she won't think is a bad idea Rio: let alone put a stop to Grace: Duh, she never puts a stop to anything Rio: You'll be able to discuss all of that Rio: you need someone impartial Rio: you're never going to take on what we say, if we're the problem to you Grace: I'm not mental Rio: for goodness sake, who said you were Rio: you're having problems, you work on solving them Grace: OMG my problems aren't that big of a deal Grace: just cos most of this fam are in love with themselves Grace: leave me alone Rio: They are Rio: the way you've said you've felt is horrible Rio: you shouldn't have to live with that every day Rio: you don't have to Grace: the way you're trying to freak me out is worse Grace: I don't wanna talk to some random therapist wtf Rio: I'm not, there's nothing to be scared of remotely Rio: do you wanna feel better? Grace: I'm not telling a stranger everything about me, that's so gross Rio: You don't, you lead the conversation, talk about what you want to Rio: and it's totally confidential, she isn't on her coffee break slagging you off Grace: I don't want to talk about anything Rio: How well has that worked for you so far then, eh Rio: you will Rio: and the offer will still stand then Grace: STOP Rio: No, I won't Rio: how much shit has been allowed to happen in this family through not talking is ridiculous Rio: it's time for that to fucking stop, alright Grace: Please, Rio Rio: I'm not saying it won't be painful but can you tell me living like this doesn't hurt Rio: the mess we're all in Grace: it's like I told Janis, it's too little too late Grace: I can't just like undo everything Rio: It never is Rio: you aren't dead Rio: and being 15 will not last forever, the friends, the feelings, none of it Rio: you'll always have yourself and you should be fucking good with that Grace: I'll want to be if I have to talk about everything that's wrong Rio: it's daunting Rio: but you can do it Rio: if you live like this, you burn out Rio: we've all seen it, as I said, I'm not prepared to do it again so easily Grace: or I'll get pregnant & turn my life around like every other woman in this fam Rio: Give you that, but it's not funny Grace: 😂😂😂/😭😭😭 Grace: 🤷 it'll be Janis now she's so in love anyway Rio: it'll be neither of you, no discussion needed Grace: aw babes, it's okay Grace: we've all had that discussion Rio: I've already told you it's no joke Rio: so have I, so had mum Grace: Duh, me and my friends all went & got the implant together thanks Rio: Good Rio: babies don't fix anything Rio: especially not you Grace: I don't want any of my exes around that long, trust Rio: no more exes Rio: you know better than that Grace: Excuse me Grace: I'm not giving any new boys chances if it's gonna work out like Ash at the fair Rio: Boys are not the issue here either Rio: focus on yourself Grace: obvs Grace: that doesn't mean I wanna be constantly alone with myself Rio: of course not Rio: but you need to be comfortable with yourself when you are Rio: otherwise you'll be willing to surround yourself with anyone just so you aren't Grace: I thought we'd established that I am Grace: cue Janis' slut intervention Rio: You joke but tell me otherwise Grace: I'm sorry, who actually wants to be alone?? Grace: literally nobody ever so there's no need to target me Rio: Anyone who respects themselves would rather than be treated poorly Rio: that's the issue Rio: not that you want company, the company you're willing to accept and not know that you deserve better Grace: it's not my fault that decent teenage boys barely exist Rio: then wait Rio: you have options Grace: EW & do what 🙏🙏🙏? Rio: 🙄 Rio: If you're gonna be silly I've got to go now Grace: If you don't see that as ridiculous then yeah do go, hun Grace: I really would look & sound mental Rio: The only thing that's ridiculous is you would rather be treated like shit than to know and own your worth Rio: and you can blame the lads 'til you're blue in the face but it'll never change what happened and you will regret it, big time Rio: I would know Rio: and plenty of people don't have boyfriends at your age, at any age, respect that a fuck ton more than girls who are not ready rushing into bad situations because they feel left out somehow Grace: OMG like it's not bad enough that every boy at school wants to get with Janis over me, you want me to be like UM NO THANKS to any I can get Grace: nobody would respect that AT ALL they'd just think there's even more wrong with me Rio: exactly, in the grand scheme of things, they are nobody Rio: letting them dictate your behaviour will just leave you miserable because that's what they want Grace: if I leave school rn, sure Grace: but that isn't what you're saying I should do Grace: so that means years around these people Rio: I repeat, are you happy now Rio: is it working for you Grace: & I repeat, I can't change the way I look Grace: that's also years away Rio: that's the answer to nothing Rio: nothing I said and just nothing in general Grace: of course you'd think that Rio: It isn't Rio: you can change yourself beyond recognition but you'll never be satisfied with the results Grace: You've always been beautiful, you don't get to speak on it Rio: you're beautiful, Grace Grace: Don't even Grace: you literally sound like mum & dad now Rio: it's true Grace: it's embarrassing Grace: you call out all these lads for how they allegedly treat me, at least they don't lie about things like that Rio: it isn't a lie Rio: people use your insecurities against you for their gain Rio: those people don't love you like your family do, you choose to believe them, you're choosing to hate yourself Grace: Duh, I do that too Grace: like I said, babes, there's no beautiful personality either Rio: I'm fully aware, Grace, and I'm not the only one Rio: it's not just about looks, every bad thing you think about yourself, it's as clear as day for every predator that wants to take advantage Grace: okay great Grace: that makes me feel so much better Rio: yes, you need to make yourself feel better Rio: this conversation isn't here to make you feel better, no one is here to make you feel better Rio: nothing worth having is handed to you, you have to start working for it Grace: 👏THIS 👏 is 👏 who 👏I 👏 am Grace: so sorry if you don't like me Grace: I'm sure there'll be takers on the fam whatsapp to discuss that tho Rio: No, it isn't Rio: you're 15, you aren't the same person minute to minute Rio: and more importantly, these are unresolved mental health issues Grace: it makes no sense to label me if that's what you think Grace: so what's the thing here, am I just 15 or am I just mental? Rio: The thing is, Grace Rio: these issues didn't appear overnight, and they aren't going away any quicker Rio: you're talking of a lifetime of feeling ugly and stupid Rio: if you start addressing that, at 15, you stand a chance of seeing 30 Grace: I know, I've literally lived it thank you Rio: and if that's such a problem, stop Grace: stop stressing me out more!!! Rio: I'm sorry but you need it, you think you can go undetected doing the things you do and hope Janis or one of the others will always be doing something worse Rio: no, no one gets left behind Grace: they don't get left cos they leave Rio: they've not left Grace: Oh please Grace: reaching out now cos mum & dad made you doesn't mean you're here Grace: you literally said yourself that you can't be Rio: Good god, I'm nearly 23 Rio: did you expect me to stay in that house forever Rio: that isn't what happens, that doesn't mean we aren't family, that kind of feeling is what fucked it up in the first place Grace: &? nobody's ever at home but me & Gus or Diego somewhere Grace: I don't wanna stay here Grace: but I leave & suddenly it's the biggest drama ever Rio: Yes, because fact of that matter is you're 15 and that's where you need to be Rio: until you have somewhere of your own, somewhere better to be Rio: and you don't, now that's really sad, I'm sure but neither does anyone else your age Grace: Billie did, Janis does Rio: Billie should never have been allowed to go, and Janis isn't, either Rio: don't assume for a second she isn't getting the same talks Rio: and I'm doing all I can to talk to Billie but she's technically an adult now, she's got a baby, it's harder, much harder Grace: Can't I just come & live with you? You know I'm a really good babysitter Rio: I know you are Rio: but you need more attention, less responsibility Rio: it wouldn't be right Grace: Please, I promise I won't invite boys over EVER Rio: You know it'll be worse, right? Rio: we actually have rules at my house, routine Grace: I'm not Indie, I have a schedule Rio: I'm saying, even if I agreed to a short break for you, it wouldn't be Rio: you know full well you've got way more chance of mum and dad leaving you be Grace: maybe I don't want that Rio: if you're serious about this Rio: and I mean all of it Rio: not just the part where you get a break Rio: then I can talk to Buster Grace: Rio, I can't see a shrink rn, okay? Grace: talking about any of this is like Rio: I know Rio: okay, but we can start making the positive changes we can make, yes Rio: like I said, you're not stupid, you know what's good for you and what definitely isn't, more of the former, less of the latter, okay? Grace: I don't even really remember what I said to Janis or mum and dad when I was drunk and that still makes me wanna die Grace: Idk what to do but it isn't more of that Rio: We've all done that Rio: you will survive it Rio: couldn't have really said anything worse than you're in love with your cousin, can you, so I wouldn't worry Grace: I think I told Janis I love her & that's WAYYYY worse Rio: Loving your sister? Imagine that, I'd better find out an LBD for the wake Grace: I really REALLY miss you Grace: nobody else EVER wants to talk to me Rio: I miss you too Rio: we've all got to try to be better, alright Rio: it's by no means just you but you ain't exempt from my mumming, not sorry Grace: Yeah Grace: I think she's better, she never would have come to get me before that boy moved here Rio: I thought the same Rio: if Edie showed me anything, but she showed me a lot, it was that it is really, really hard to stop loving your family, Grace, even when you want to Grace: I know Grace: I miss everyone, even her Rio: I know, darling Rio: it's taking time, more time than we could've ever anticipated before but if we can all get to a place where we're all trying Rio: it's a start Grace: I don't ever wanna be older than her, it's too weird Rio: It is, but you will want it when you're there Rio: no one should be 16 forever Grace: I can't stop thinking about what Janis did either Rio: me either Rio: what do you really think of her boyfriend then Grace: he's really hot, everyone's lost themselves over him Grace: & them as a couple but ew Rio: thanks for updating me on the school ground goss, even though you clearly think I'm a grandma, you cheeky cow Rio: but I more meant do you think he enables her bad behaviour like Kai did Edie or Rio: though I have a hard time believing Janis could ever be as easily led, seen strangers things Grace: well babes if you wanna talk about my REAL trauma I've seen more of their PDA than I'll ever be comfortable with so Grace: & she smokes now which is GROSS Grace: but tbh he's not like that Rio: Hmm Rio: neither of those are exactly encouraging but not damning either Rio: say the jury is out on him for now but I'll be keeping an eye Grace: it's a good thing if someone she loves wants around though, yeah? Grace: maybe she won't run again Grace: *her Rio: yes and no Rio: short-term, sure Rio: but I don't need to tell you how much you wanna hide forever when it ends, do I Grace: idk I'm just saying I saw them at the fair & she was like ?? happy Grace: she said it was a sugar rush but I'm not stupid Grace: & he's got it SO BAD for her OMG Rio: That's cute Rio: and don't get me wrong, I want her to be happy, all of you Rio: I just know it doesn't immediately fix everything if she ain't also trying but maybe she is Rio: like you said, she did come to get you Grace: Yeah Grace: I didn't think she really would Rio: Any of us would Rio: you really can't just turn that stuff off Grace: she can, she has Rio: nah Grace: he's obvs turned her back on & I don't just mean cos he's the hottest white boy our school's had for ages, tho also obvs Rio: 😂 Rio: I won't ask for pics, feels a bit creepy Grace: [sends one anyway] Grace: not really your type, babes Rio: Oh, he is very cute Rio: and ha ha, if you think you can come up with any original joke for me, you can have at it but really decreases the chances of me making up the sofa for you any time soon Grace: no shade he's not my type either Rio: no? Grace: I would obvs hook up with him but I couldn't date him Grace: no way of that working he's too nice & too poor Rio: Grace Grace: ?? Rio: Not funny Grace: he is! I'm not even joking Grace: I'm too high maintenance for a boy like that Rio: You earn your own money then Rio: can't have things like money coming into it Grace: Duh, I will Rio: Good Grace: No boy's sticking around long enough to pay my bills, honey Grace: even if Janis thinks I'm selling myself now Rio: Not all it's cracked up to be Grace: I'll settle for a lot less, thanks to her, we all know Rio: Whatever she said, and I'm sure it was a lot Rio: you have to see her intentions were good Grace: her intentions were dramatic Grace: she can't ever stop being a bitch to me Grace: unless I'm blackout apparently Rio: that shows she had reason to be, no? Rio: not showing concern unless she has to Grace: I'm not saying it wasn't sketchy there Grace: that's why I asked her to come & not mum & dad Rio: how sketchy? Grace: like I was glad when I left Grace: & mum would've killed me Grace: or him Rio: Yeah Rio: I get you Rio: I'm just glad you're okay, but no more going off with people alone without telling someone, even if it's just your friends Rio: I know you think you know people, especially when you've hooked up with them and whatnot, but it's no real indicator Grace: yeah when a lad isn't really drinking but you are that's not a mood so obvs he's deleted 🙌🙌 Grace: I don't need the receipts Grace: be as much of a mess as me thank you Rio: 👍 Rio: what I like to hear Grace: I kept waiting for her to shout at me but she like didn't Rio: maybe she wants things to be different too Grace: There's no way though Grace: Mia is beyond extra about her dating the new boy Grace: she just won't let it go Rio: She liked him too? Grace: we all thought he was hot but idk it's like not about him, she can't deal that Janis finally said yes to someone Grace: has something Rio: It's best to not take sides Rio: but at the end of the day, they're different relationships, Mia will never be your sister Rio: and even if she does have issue with Janis, she shouldn't take that out on you, as a mate Grace: UM I wish you'd told me not to take sides before I threw her out of the house & made her hate me, babes Grace: 😱😱😱 Rio: why'd it come to that, like Grace: they were there too so she was just being THE WORST and would not stop Grace: like I don't wanna see them making out either but Rio: Sounds to me like she just needs to calm down Rio: what business is it of hers what Janis gets up to, really Grace: You literally have to let me stay with you 🙏 I'm so over it Rio: I'm asking, I promise Rio: I'll let you know asap Grace: 💜💜 ILYSM 💜💜 Grace: I get why Nancy moved schools now it's gonna be so annoying Rio: I love you too Rio: well she was really bullied but yeah Rio: fallings out always make it awkward Grace: it's not just Mia, everyone's like OBSESSED Grace: cos Janis finally lost her virginity & we still don't know literally anything about the new boy Grace: there's so many weird rumours Rio: your problem and your answer Rio: people always find new things to talk about soon enough Grace: 🤞🤞🙄🙄 Rio: I'm sure Janis isn't appreciating it very much either Grace: at least nobody's calling her a lesbian anymore Grace: she didn't appreciate that AT ALL Rio: being talked about is shit Rio: that's something we can all relate to Grace: 🤷 I tried to tell her there's way worse things to be called Grace: maybe when she has an ex she'll agree Rio: lies are always the worst, no matter if they're inherently insulting or not Rio: no one should get to dictate who you are Rio: let alone people who have no idea Grace: Yeah, I guess Grace: the truth hurts a lot too tho Grace: sometimes Rio: sometimes Rio: but you can always learn and grow from it Grace: idk hearing that someone thinks about you the way you do should be like this 🙌 yay 🙌 moment but it just never is Grace: it's just like 💔 Rio: when you don't like the truth, as you're seeing it now, it's always gonna hurt to hear it, even if it validates your worldview Rio: truth can be changed, is my point, lies stay lies Grace: okay yeah that makes sense Rio: oh, the kids just woken up from his nap Grace: laters then Rio: yes, I'll get back to you as soon as he replies Rio: 💛 Grace: he's so gonna leave you on read hun Rio: well that's charming Grace: you're literally the only one of us he likes Grace: if he can see my name before he opens it, there's no way Rio: very awkward if he can only muster like at this stage Rio: and give me some credit, not an amateur Grace: EW don't Rio: don't be silly, I'm married to and have kids with him Rio: you're coming over to OUR house, if you are Grace: exactly you're like so OLD! Rio: oh shut up Grace: it's like thinking about mum and dad Grace: so gross Rio: lead with all of this, shall I Rio: not selling yourself here Grace: if you wanna go in with screenshots, maybe pick the ones where I say ILY or something Grace: or send him a selfie of me crying Rio: how soft do you think he is 😏 Grace: duh Grace: boys are easy Rio: hmm Grace: go away 💜 Grace: I have a mum, it's time to be someone else's Rio: 👋 Grace: 💋

[bartsugsy]

I don't really get why everyone is so pissed at aaron for saying "a kid of our own"? maybe it's just me but i don't hear that as him saying seb isn't their son, he does think of both of them as his dads, to me he meant "a kid that would be just ours and no one else" because even though they are seb's dads they do share him, he's not a kid of their own the two of them, that's accurate? I don't get the anger it's not a crime to want to have kids with your husband without a third (and fourth) party

i mean, my opinion is that in the context of aaron’s entire relationship with seb, but much much more specifically the last week of episodes, the whole “a kid of our own” thing was worded super deliberately?

because i think you could argue that if, say, aaron had decided a month ago that they should have another kid and broached that subject with robert, the phrasing would be entirely different

it would be about expanding their family and giving seb a sibling and loving where he and robert are at in their lives, i’d imagine? like, just going by the way aaron has spoken about their family previously

and even, if we go to a specific scene - the last time they spoke about having kids, right before gerry’s death, robron are like u know what??? we are great dads and great guardians, which accidentally gets them onto the topic of having more kids. they have that weird little pause where u know they’re both internally yelling what if we have eight more kids right now, before they’re like loool three kids in the house is enough for the moment right hahaha

but u know they’re fully into this idea

like, this whole conversation is obvs helping to frame the tragedy of gerry’s death, yes, but it’s also a good look at how they’d see having more kids as exactly that - more kids on top of the family they already have

(and there’s a lot of other moments where you can see how aaron sees his place in seb’s life 

fuck rmr when they proposed to each other and rob was like OK AND WHAT ABOUT ADOPTING SEB and aaron was like wait what and then the next day like UH I’D LOVE NOTHING MORE???

like, the show has done months of groundwork of them being a family, everyone refers to aaron as seb’s dad, aaron is always both comfortable in his place in seb’s life and has been very outspoken about that. rebecca has also said multiple times that aaron is also seb’s dad. like, the framing is there.

(i know that people have said that they don’t necessarily think the way they’ve done it is convincing, but not finding it convincing does not mean it didn’t happen on screen. whether the viewer believes it or not is a separate issue.)

as i said, i can’t imagine that, a few months ago or even a week ago, aaron would have broached the subject of babies as ‘let’s have a baby of our own’, with this implication that seb isn’t their own, or that aaron wasn’t genuinely very satisfied with the situation of their parenting 

like, he literally never had an issue that he was co-parenting with two other people. that never came into things as a problem for him.

so then the conversation yesterday is happening in the context of a lot of things :

rebecca wants to take seb away

aaron doesn’t want it and is the most outspoken about that

rob is very much like ok we need to keep the peace but i stand by aaron’s choice here - and so we genuinely do see them working as a team, as this complete unit, with aaron genuinely taking the lead on how to proceed with what’s happening with seb

until rebecca has a meltdown bc she want robron to live 50 miles away from seb but her living 50 miles away from either her boyfriend or seb would be the end of the world

and rebecca is talking about getting the courts involved and staying in emmerdale until a decision is made (and no longer)

and rebecca makes it clear that robert and aaron won’t win, thanks to aaron’s convictions

robert, feeling the need to protect aaron from understanding that he is the reason why ultimately they won’t get to keep their son (as the show frames it) decides that if he gives up seb now, without aaron getting a chance to fight it, aaron might never have to realise why they had to lose seb and maybe it would be easier to not delay the inevitable and ultimately kinder on aaron

which means ultimately that robert sends seb away without consulting aaron

aaron straight up asks robert if he thinks aaron is a bad dad - he feels hurt and undermined in his position as seb’s dad

rob tries to explain why he did it but he can’t really, because the whole point was to save aaron from the truth of it

and i think this was like... the turning point for aaron to start feeling insecure about his place in seb’s life. bc before, seb was living happily with them and they were talking about adopting and legal rights and whatever and no one even questioned how aaron fit in with seb’s life - aaron was seb’s dad and that was that

so i genuinely don’t think he ever particularly worried about the fact that seb legally wasn’t his, or that his position relies entirely on robert??? bc he never had to before????

and rob clearly never really thought about it, beyond knowing that he wanted aaron to have legal rights somehow, particularly once they thought rebecca was out of the picture

robert literally said that he felt relieved when rebecca had left, because it could just be the four of them. aaron barely reacted to rebecca leaving and coming back outside of being worried about robert - he never once wavered in how comfortable he felt as seb’s dad. he spent a whole scene describing elements of seb’s future that he’d been thinking about and all the ways he knew he’d be a parent to seb. 

but then rob ripped seb away from him without even giving him a say

and it was with good intentions and the best rob felt he could do in a horrible situation, but

to aaron i think it was like being hit with the reality of the situation all at once

and then aaron’s struggling and robert is trying to explain things to him and making him feel better and aaron literally spends the entire next day hugging seb lmao 

rob doesn’t get even one hug hahaha 

but then aaron can’t bring himself to give seb back bc aaron knows what it’s like to be abandoned by a parent and rossbecca panic and start bringing the police and the courts back into it 

which makes robert panic because he knows they’ll lose - even though aaron doesn’t

and so he has to ultimately explain this to aaron, thereby causing him the pain he’d tried to avoid

but the fact that rob took seb away without asking aaron still happened

and what happens when aaron tries to take seb away?? the fuckin police almost get involved and suddenly they’re staring down the threat of supervised visitations lmao

bc rob’s say technically outweighs aaron’s

and then robert is pissed bc aaron deciding that kidnap was the right response was obviously stupid and short sighted - particularly since, as robert explained in detail, rob has very strong feelings about not going to court and about parents being amicable where children are concerned thanks to his own childhood

so rob is like fuck u i’m going to the lawyer by myself and i’m gonna ignore your calls all day xoxo - not because rob thinks he has more of a right to seb necessarily but literally because he’s a petty bitch lmao. he specifically makes a point to aaron that he ignored aaron’s calls because aaron had taken seb and not picked up his phone and rob had spent all day worrying that they were dead lmao (and then it caused an entire shit storm lololol)

but again, to aaron, who has already been forced to confront the lack of control he has over this situation that’s hugely life affecting for him, this just feels like even more of a push back

and then robert says ‘my son’ and aaron is once again like ok so you said we’re a team but we’re actually not a team where seb is concerned, it’s all about you???

and rob explains that he’s just angry and so not thinking clearly about his words and doesn’t see that it’s a big deal, but it’s like a final nail in the proverbial coffin, isn’t it? aaron’s spent days dealing with the fact that his own son can be taken from him without him being able to do fuck all about it

and his baby sister has just died, something incredibly out of his control and something he wasn’t really able to grieve over in public

and so whilst paddy is with robert explaining that aaron struggle with grace’s death and that for the pain of their own son being taken from them, all they have is each other, aaron is contemplating this whole world of ways in which he's not allowed to be a parent to his own son

and so his solution is to have a baby with robert - a kid of our own. not another baby - a baby that’s just theirs. who can’t be taken away from him.

this is happening in the context of everything above. this isn’t supposed to be the perfect solution, because the reality is that getting a surrogate and having a baby isn’t going to make aaron stop seeing seb as his son and it isn’t going to cure the fact that he feels this immense loss of control 

like, it’s not going to make him feel any more secure as seb’s parent - something he still very much is. 

this is the longest fucking answer in the world all to say the following: i think the choice of words is indicative of aaron struggling with a different problem and his solution isn’t one that will help solve that problem at all

it’s not that aaron wants a kid with robert without a third party - it’s that he wants a kid with robert because there wouldn’t be a third party, because he thinks that that’s the best way to simulate what he feels should have happened with seb

but it doesn’t actually solve the issue with seb, which won’t ever go away. they’re literally trying to actively stay in seb’s life, as his dads. having a baby now won’t make aaron suddenly feel ok about the situation with seb.

the damage is already done. it was done the second robert gave seb to ross and rebecca. 

bc the reality is that it’s not about having a baby or being a parent. it’s an issue that aaron has with robert. because robert inadvertently caused all of this. it’s the bad luck of a terrible situation yes, but it was also robert. aaron felt completely secure until robert undermined him. not rebecca. not ross. rebecca and ross both were totally treating aaron with the same respect they were treating robert. they didn’t make aaron feel insecure about his place in seb’s life. robert did.

and so having a kid with robert isn’t going to solve that issue at all lmao