#which my high tide depression the last month led to more drinking generally so I feel like I’ll get withdrawal
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#officially in my crippling depression era#which is honestly annoying af#my depression kinda feels like the sea where there’s high tide and low tide#and it had been high tide for like the last month randomly fluctuating with hypomanic episodes#but man now the tsunami has started#idk I guess I’m lucky bc my depression doesn’t make me like sad or sob or anything#it’s just complete hollowness and numbness / emptiness#and SO MANY PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS which is the most annoying part#my body’s made of lead. I can’t stand for too long or I break a sweat#zero appetite#zero thirst#and my brain like… idk. it’s like something that’s not quite a headache but is on the verge#it makes it hard to think or concentrate#sure sometimes I might have a random tearful moment but it’s just this hollowness mainly that feels all consuming#zero care about anything in the world#if it weren’t for the physical symptoms that keep me chained to my bed and unable to accomplish basic tasks the emotional part would be ok#weird how that works lol#but yeah fml#gonna cut out all alcohol / weed to help my brain chemistry recover#which my high tide depression the last month led to more drinking generally so I feel like I’ll get withdrawal#which is even more of a sign it needs cut off#just. a little scary and annoying getting to go through withdrawal and a bad depression episode#when it’s week 10 of the quarter and I have finals and 40 papers to grade#kill me lmao I hate this so much
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