#which means the question of Life. The Universe. And Everything is how many chapters does it take

[adaines-furious-feast]

I think there might actually only be two more chapters of Wizard and a Sorcerer. I've got everything I need, but I feel like I'm forgetting something.

I need someone to ask "how are you going to resolve this bit" to make sure I have all the answers.

[esther-dot]

I was reading your comments about Jon's chivalry and protecting the vulnerable. This all brought to mind Jon's TV ending of stabbing Dany in the heart while kissing her. While we don't know whether or not this version of Dany's end is close to what will be the written version, it seems as though it's possible in part because of the Nissa Nissa legend. Jon doing that in the books (or something like it) would align with the Azor Ahai story, but in a warped sort of way, leaving events open to interpretation (as is usual with the prophecies and legends). But in any case, Jon killing a woman will be an act that is antithetical to so many of his values that it seems like it would come close to destroying him even if justified within Jon's universe. I wonder if Martin really plans to bring Jon this low, but also how it will be received. The optics of portraying such an ending for Dany given today's sensibilities could be viewed even more dimly than it would have been when Martin started writing the series?

(about this ask)

I'm so sorry that it's taken me this long to respond! I have finally reread some pertinent chapters to situate my thoughts.

First, I just want to acknowledge how upsetting this spec is to some, and remind everyone, no one wants this ending. We all think it's gross, we're just discussing the possibility, not merely because of the show, because it's an old theory. I looked around and saw posts about this starting in 2013 by Dany fans. So, the presence of this myth is substantial enough, even BNFs/Jonerys shippers felt like it had a strong chance of manifesting (although they believe Dany would willingly sacrifice herself) well before D&D committed their fuckery. I suppose all that answers your question. Man killing his lover is a gross trope, being forced to kill a loved one to save the world is overused, so now, I can't imagine anyone reading it and being happy about it.

In trying to look at the context in-canon Martin has created, he's taken it out of the strict man kills lover idea of the AA/NN myth, and is discussing the idea of sacrificing an innocent child to a god which fans have already compared to myth, Stannis & Shireen = Agamemnon & Iphigeneia. This sacrifice hasn't happened yet, but it's been confirmed as a Martin plot point. Stannis is already burning people alive, justifying kid killing, and Davos has already planted the Stannis=AA, kid=NN idea:

Davos was remembering a tale Salladhor Saan had told him, of how Azor Ahai tempered Lightbringer by thrusting it through the heart of the wife he loved. He slew his wife to fight the dark. If Stannis is Azor Ahai come again, does that mean Edric Storm must play the part of Nissa Nissa? (ASOS, Davos V)

Although, rather than this being a justified death, the fans will be horrified as we're meant to be. Davos' thoughts call into question the idea of killing another for your "magic sword":

A true sword of fire, now, that would be a wonder to behold. Yet at such a cost . . . When he thought of Nissa Nissa, it was his own Marya he pictured, a good-natured plump woman with sagging breasts and a kindly smile, the best woman in the world. He tried to picture himself driving a sword through her, and shuddered. I am not made of the stuff of heroes, he decided. If that was the price of a magic sword, it was more than he cared to pay. (ACOK, Davos I)

and Martin impresses upon us the value of each life:

"Your Grace," said Davos, "the cost . . ." "I know the cost! Last night, gazing into that hearth, I saw things in the flames as well. I saw a king, a crown of fire on his brows, burning . . . burning, Davos. His own crown consumed his flesh and turned him into ash. Do you think I need Melisandre to tell me what that means? Or you?" The king moved, so his shadow fell upon King's Landing. "If Joffrey should die . . . what is the life of one bastard boy against a kingdom?" "Everything," said Davos, softly. (ASOS, Davos V)

The talk of greater good/killing kids reminds me of AGOT in which Ned's story is inundated with the topic of child murder/protecting kids. We have Mycah, his memories of Aegon and Rhaenys, his promise to protect Jon, his guilt over his lies and treason bubbling up repeatedly, his fight against the assassination of Dany, his attempt to save Cersei's children from Robert...we all know, kid killing is wrong according to Martin, so we've already been told that this wannabe AA's actions are contemptible. The myth in which the sacrifice is happy to die, that sacrificing someone is heroic, it's being contradicted by what we're being shown in the Stannis storyline.

Now, while Stannis is being declared Azor Ahai, we're constantly being told he isn't. Jon calls the act a mummer's farce and comments on his cold sword and that is right before a Dany chapter, so the idea is, Dany is actually AA. @trinuviel is the first person I saw lay out the argument for that and contend that being AA is a bad thing (meta parts 1, 2, 3). People have said that Drogo kinda becomes her Nissa Nissa in that scenario. She burns him to get the dragons, and what are the dragons called?

"When I went to the Hall of a Thousand Thrones to beg the Pureborn for your life, I said that you were no more than a child," Xaro went on, "but Egon Emeros the Exquisite rose and said, 'She is a foolish child, mad and heedless and too dangerous to live.' When your dragons were small they were a wonder. Grown, they are death and devastation, a flaming sword above the world." He wiped away the tears. "I should have slain you in Qarth." (ADWD, Daenerys III)

That kinda makes us think, oh, the myth already has a canon counterpart, don't need to worry about it anymore. Only, we've also said Rhaegar impregnating a young Lyanna could be read as a play on Nissa Nissa, with him risking her life to get the prophecy baby, otherwise known as the third head of the dragon. And Jon is not only a kind of dragon, he repeatedly intones that fun little phrase about being a sword, and sometimes, that happens within an interesting context (for speculation purposes):

"I will." Do not fail me, he thought, or Stannis will have my head. "Do I have your word that you will keep our princess closely?" the king had said, and Jon had promised that he would. Val is no princess, though. I told him that half a hundred times. It was a feeble sort of evasion, a sad rag wrapped around his wounded word. His father would never have approved. I am the sword that guards the realm of men, Jon reminded himself, and in the end, that must be worth more than one man's honor. (ADWD, Jon VIII)

So, although there is one character that seems to be Azor Ahai (Dany), I am definitely open to the myth manifesting, or rather, being examined from multiple angles. IMO, that's what Martin is doing and we can use each variation to reassess what he's saying with it. We have Dany and Drogo (the official one/successful one), Rhaegar and Lyanna (not AA, but Jon is born), Stannis and Edric (denied), Stannis and Shireen (he will kill Shireen, but we don't know if he'll get what he wants and we do know he isn't AA)... lots of pics of a similar idea. To emphasize Stannis not being the dude and Dany being the "real" AA, we have that Jon passage and chapter transition:

Even though we have lots of contenders and commentary about this myth with the canon characters, none of it romanticizes human sacrifice, and all works towards the twist that what is said to be a hero/the weapon that will save people brings destruction. If we look back at it critically, Dany has a habit of accepting, or even causing, the suffering of others for her greater good, including sacrificing Mirri to get her dragons. We might even argue that Mirri is a Nissa Nissa for her, as Dany had taken Mirri under her protection before killing her to get dragons.

That being said, even though we're getting told this shit is bad in canon, the indictment of killing innocents and people who depend on you to protect them, it wouldn’t apply if someone were to kill Stannis or Dany. It isn’t on the same moral level as killing a child, or a spouse who loves and trusts you. It isn't the same as invading and then killing people who won't worship your god or accept you as a leader. It isn't the same as killing a slave, simply because, when their times come, Dany and Stannis will be guilty. After their actions, it would be justice for them to die. I think why other parts of the fandom entertain the idea of Dany as NN while also condemning us for entertaining it, is that Dany's vision does have her being grasped at by hands of her "children" and fans have this idea that she is sacrificing herself/her happiness for the greater good already, and in the AA/Nissa Nissa story, it does sound like she offers herself willingly for the tempering of the sword. So to them, it’s part of Dany’s heroism. Dany's death is inevitable to some, at the hands of Jon is ok, but her not dying a hero, that's unacceptable.

But thinking about how it's been discussed thus far, I can't imagine we're gonna get a romanticized version of the AA/NN myth in canon when so far, it's pretty dark/condemned. None of that precludes Jon killing Dany in what you described as a:

warped sort of way, leaving events open to interpretation (as is usual with the prophecies and legends).

which really sticks out to me as the important part of all this.

The idea that Jon might do it and characters recognize it as a tragic love story a la the myth, that fascinates me because of how Martin has written wild rumors into the story (rumors about Dany, Robb, and Sansa spring to mind), and some of us have written reality and what the public thinks into fic as two distinct things because it feels like a potential way the story might go. What is widely known to be true, like say, Jon being Ned's bastard, may not be the truth that we the readers come to know. There's no guarantee that Westeros will know what the readers know about past or future events. We may get a take on AA/NN, the characters in-world may not understand it the same way.

Jon is undeniably a hero, in a world where institutional corruption is rampant and ideals abandoned, he’s a standout in his values. We would expect, and we find, contrasts between him and these other characters (Dany, Rhaegar, Stannis), primarily, his practical actions that are about saving life/protecting life, even from Stannis, so the idea that he would abandon certain values, it's a tough one. The difference is, while Stannis, Rhaegar, and Dany were acting on these prophecies or visions or dreams, things we're repeatedly warned against trusting in the text, Jon would be taking action based on the fact that Dany is a mass-murderer, a threat to all of Westeros. It isn't a sacrifice to an unknown god for some promised mystical good, it's justice. The religious fanaticism wouldn't be a factor, the killing of an innocent wouldn't be a factor, killing a child wouldn't be a factor, killing to achieve a self-serving end wouldn't be a factor. All the things that have been criticized thus far aren't at play.

The moral quandary presented to the audience in AGOT is killing someone who might be a threat, but is a child at the moment, and Martin presents the sneaky assassination / child killing as abhorrent:

Grand Maester Pycelle cleared his throat, a process that seemed to take some minutes. "My order serves the realm, not the ruler. Once I counseled King Aerys as loyally as I counsel King Robert now, so I bear this girl child of his no ill will. Yet I ask you this—should war come again, how many soldiers will die? How many towns will burn? How many children will be ripped from their mothers to perish on the end of a spear?" He stroked his luxuriant white beard, infinitely sad, infinitely weary. "Is it not wiser, even kinder, that Daenerys Targaryen should die now so that tens of thousands might live?" "Kinder," Varys said. "Oh, well and truly spoken, Grand Maester. It is so true. Should the gods in their caprice grant Daenerys Targaryen a son, the realm must bleed." Littlefinger was the last. As Ned looked to him, Lord Petyr stifled a yawn. "When you find yourself in bed with an ugly woman, the best thing to do is close your eyes and get on with it," he declared. "Waiting won't make the maid any prettier. Kiss her and be done with it." "Kiss her?" Ser Barristan repeated, aghast. "A steel kiss," said Littlefinger. (AGOT, Eddard VIII)

which is all interesting context for Dany later being assassinated, especially because the first lesson Martin gives us on justice is one that Jon is there for, and then is reiterated in relation to Dany:

Ned had heard enough. "You send hired knives to kill a fourteen-year-old girl and still quibble about honor?" He pushed back his chair and stood. "Do it yourself, Robert. The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword. Look her in the eyes before you kill her. See her tears, hear her last words. You owe her that much at least." (AGOT, Eddard VIII)

The convo about killing Dany with LF is about a bedding and before that it was presented in terms of a wedding gift, which makes me squint now knowing the AA/NN stuff:

Yes, it's awful, and I do understand, almost agree with you here:

But in any case, Jon killing a woman will be an act that is antithetical to so many of his values that it seems like it would come close to destroying him even if justified within Jon's universe.

but the way it might tie together the initial discussion of killing Dany and the eventual act weighs heavily with me when determining what Martin might do and why/why not.

The other suggestion is that Arya kills Dany. If having dragons is Chechov's gun for KL burning then Arya being a trained assassin feels like a Chechov's gun for killing Dany. But in that scenario, there is no conflict. No inner struggle. We spent so much of AGOT weighing the morals of killing Dany, it's hard for me to believe when the time comes, it's presented without any moral complexity. Arya is already able and willing to take a life, even when it isn't justified. It doesn't feel right to me that killing Dany would be a presented without an inner struggle, that it would be done easily, as easily as Arya now kills. TBH, it removes the drama if someone other than Jon does it because it will be so highly necessary and just when the time comes. Jon is really the only character who can make it squeamish because of the guy killing a woman thing and because it will be kinslaying.

There is a lot of talk about poison, so I think it's totally possible Arya tries to kill Dany with poison first, but I think Jon is more likely to be the one to successfully kill her, and in a way that calls to mind Ned's opinion on it, See her tears, hear her last words. That would allow Martin to make sure we see it as just/moral, bring home the Targ v Targ issue, and it shades Ned's decisions and values in a very interesting way.

After s8 fans said Ned was wrong to fight against killing Dany in s1, but Martin thinks he was right to object to killing children, so for the two Targ children he was protecting in AGOT (Dany and Jon) to come face to face and one kill the other prevents the conclusion that Ned was wrong. It was the same mercy, the same refusal to see the child of an enemy as an enemy, that saved the boy who will in turn save Westeros. IMO, it's a way to uphold the belief in mercy. I tend to think it’s also Martin’s way of addressing one his questions about his beloved LOTR (what about orc babies etc).

If another person ends Dany, we still get dead Dany, but it doesn't say anything interesting? Killing her wouldn't be a sacrifice on anyone else's part, she won’t be loved and she has to go. But, Jon, who so desperately wants to have honor, if he kills her, it's right as well as an egregious "sin." Ned dishonors himself to protect Sansa (and obvy was committing treason to protect Jon), it feels like coming full circle for Jon, who so wants to be worthy of being a son to Ned to follow his path there too. Also, one thing I expect we’ll keep tracking is kinslaying. Kinslaying comes up with the AA/Nissa Nissa issue in the Stannis storyline, so I do expect that to be addressed in Jon chapters:

We have the whole baby switch to assure us, Jon values human life a great deal. All the same, that involves a moment of cruelty on Jon's side, so Martin isn't interested in keeping him perfectly pure. He likes those moments where doing the right thing is very difficult, even compromising in some way. It's why, while we say Ned committing treason for Jon is a no brainer, Martin writes Ned tortured by it. He likes the inner turmoil over decisions, placing a societal good (honor) against another obligation or ideal and asking what is right.

I wonder if Martin really plans to bring Jon this low, but also how it will be received. The optics of portraying such an ending for Dany given today's sensibilities could be viewed even more dimly than it would have been when Martin started writing the series?

Despite all the ways I think it makes sense, yes, I def think this is one of those areas that if he had finished the series as quickly as he'd hoped, would have gone over better. Dany has dragons, therefore, she will be an overwhelming threat to Westeros, so it isn't like Jon will just randomly kill a woman, yet it's distasteful all the same. Martin is looking at things from the context of his story and the ideas he’s already introduced/talking about though which is why I can wince but kinda understand it. There are other issues where my sensibilities diverge from his, so didn’t like it on the show, I don’t like it for the books, still think it’s probably gonna happen. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[thelunarfairy]

hey, what chapter do you think TBHK will end?

i mean, we already got to 100 chapters, do you think we'll make it to 200?

also what do you think could be the ending of the story?

hopefully Yashiro gets her life span back

It's a good question, the chapters can increase or decrease according to the fame and success of the manga, and since sales are good, it's likely that it will become a little longer.

There's still a lot that needs to be developed and explained, although the mysteries are almost all without the yorishiros, we still have the story of the twins, Yashiro, Mitsuba, the family of exorcists, the entity, Tsuchigomori (who seems to have a very important role here), there's also the possibility of more alternative realities emerging and of course, the development of the original story itself.

So, in addition to that, we still have the development of their relationships, we're following the problems, we need to find out how everything will develop over time in relation to many things.

We are still in the discovery phase, in this current arc, we will still see the new changes, how they will deal with it and try to reverse it, and then the story of Number 1, we may still see more about the twins' story directly or indirectly, but if you want to know, this year will probably only focus on this arc.

Considering that it is a monthly publication, then we have 12 chapters per year, it all depends on the size of the arc that will be developed. The arc of number 6 was long, we basically went 1 year without seeing Hanako.

So, even if we have a list of everything that will still happen, what determines the size of the arc is how it is developed.

While the arc of number 6 was very long, the arc of number 5 (Tsuchigomori) was very short, it was an arc of introduction of the character.

So my answer is that we cannot have a precise idea because it will depend on the development, however, I believe that there is still a lot ahead.

And about the ending, wow, I really have no idea! Aidairo is so unpredictable, literally anything can happen. But if we are to follow the anime's credits and what happened to the school when time advanced, the twins will probably "become one", with this entity and great destruction.

I talk a little about this here:

The possibilities:

Everyone dies

Nene sacrifices herself and saves the twins

Amane lets the illness he had as a child develop and Tsukasa wouldn't have sacrificed himself.

Amane accepts that Tsukasa sacrifices himself and lives his life.

Reincarnation (I don't know if it's possible in this universe, but I don't want to rule it out)

Hanako does something terrible, but manages to make Tsukasa and Nene stay with him in a controversial way.

Of all the situations, I believe in 6, because Amane is not the type to easily give up on the person he loves and is capable of doing something terrible to have the one he loves by his side.

For a neutral ending: They go back in time and completely destroy the entity, without the entity, nothing bad happens, but in this case, Nene and Amane will not be together, Amane will probably die of the disease and only Tsukasa will be left. (assuming he doesn't take his own life in the process, which could also happen.)

For a positive ending:

Let's imagine that Amane got sick because of the entity (it's a hypothesis) so, if they go back in time and destroy the entity, the twins will live normally, but in that case, Amane will be too old to have a romantic relationship with Nene, but at least he and his brother will be happy and Nene will live her life normally.

For an even more positive ending, everyone would die and be reincarnated, so they would live together normally.

Negative ending:

The entity inside Hanako breaks free, he loses control and destroys everything, Nene tries to stop Hanako, but since he is not under control, he kills her, Kou will have to exorcise Hanako, a promise he made at the beginning of the manga and I think that this is not here for nothing.

Kou will be the only one who does this, Tsukasa lost the seal to make Hanako weaker, and before Kou exorcises Hanako, Amane will realize that he destroyed everything he loves and had neither Nene nor Tsukasa, and he himself asks to be exorcised.

Probably, only Kou will be left among all of these.

I only gave a few endings, there are many other possibilities.

[nextonmy-tbr]

Book Review: Ninth House

Author: Leigh Bardugo Genre: Dark Fantasy

Imagine being thrust into the world of magic and getting to attend one of the world’s most elite universities. Sounds like a dream come true right? But Galaxy ‘Alex’ Stern knows that nothing comes for free and this opportunity sure hasn’t but she will not let this slip away from her hands. At any cost.

But when there is a murder in the campus, it forces Alex to question whether magic is made for her and whether all of this is worth it. This raises a question – will she be able to survive in this world? Will she be able to navigate her way amongst dark spells, new responsibilities, old secrets, shady societies, untrustworthy authorities and growing powers? Read the book to find out…

My thoughts:

The crow series have been one of my all-time favorites. Hence when I saw this book from Leigh Bardugo, I knew I have to read it and let me tell it did not disappoint. As soon as I started reading it, I could not put it down. Tbh this book has everything – a gripping story, badass characters, magic, mystery and a fitting plot twist.

One thing I loved in this book as compared to other fantasy books is that here magic has consequences. When I say consequences, it doesn’t mean just ones where the characters somehow manage to find a loophole and get out of it. Here characters had to face some gruesome and cruel situations for their actions.

If this is not enough to convince you guys to read this book then I hope it will after the end of this.  

Plot:

“If you were going to hell together, murder seemed like a good place to start”

Here you will witness an unlikely plot where the protagonist is already aware of her powers, she doesn't need to learn how to use them; she needs to learn how to protect herself from them. The plot is fresh, dark and intense. The plot revolves around our protogonist trying to find a balance between her truth and her lies, the magical world and normal world, her magical duties and her academics, maintain her true self and her facade. While she juggles around all of this, we see politics, dirty work of the societies, Yale campus, murder and everything in between.

What I liked about the plot is that it consists of lots of elements and this could have easily seemed cluttered but the way Leigh has beautifully weaved the plot, it looks effortless and we'll put together.

Characters:  

“I let you die. To save myself, I let you die”

Alex is strong, beautiful and a badass. She is traumatized because of her past and the bad decisions in her life but is adamant to turn her life around. Her life at Yale gives her the clean slate to do so but her investigation with murder on campus and her secrets can put this life at jeopardy. One of the qualities I liked about Alex is how fiercely loyal she is to her people. She will protect them and stick for them no matter what. There are no limits which she won't cross for the people she loves. She is also a survivor and those instincts can be clearly seen throughout the book. This was the one quality that made me relate to her. There are few questionable decisions she makes, but with her being a survivor it makes sense for her to do those things.

“‘Gentlemen scholar’ seems like a good description for you”

Darlington is one character that I have been dying to talk someone about. If you need to learn how to make presence of a character felt without him being in the book, you will get that from him. He is such a charismatic, snobbish but by far the most adorable character in this book. I think adorable doesn’t do justice and if fictional characters could hear our emotions, Darlington would also feel the same. At first, I was very intrigued by him coz Alex in any of the chapters would just not shut up about him but then I quickly realized Alex, I get it. There is a lot of mystery to this character, where is he, what is he doing, what is he going through right now, why did he join Lethe, does he have any powers? There are so many questions around him, which will be answered eventually in the book. I think that’s what makes him a really interesting part of the book.

Other characters have their own flavours to add to this story. If you are looking for a dark plot, murder mystery with magic and complex traumatic characters with questionable decisions all mixed together in a concoction in form of a book then you know which book to go for. Let me know what are your views on this book and if you have any books in store for me to read or write further reviews on.

[lemonlover1110]

The Insincerity of the Stars

Suguru Getou

[Chapter 18] Lost Sense

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Pairing: Suguru Getou x f!Reader

Chapter Warnings: Smut, Vaginal Fingering, Oral Sex (f. receiving), Vaginal Sex, Creampie, Praising

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Suguru’s heart beats faster at the thought of you. There’s so much love in his heart for you. When he wakes up, his first thought is you, and when he goes to bed, his last thought is of you. The thought of you brings him so much comfort, yet he hates it.

He hates it because he tries everything possible but you refuse to get back with him. He doesn’t understand why, although you’ve told him why. He doesn’t understand why he’d give his whole life for you, yet, you refuse to do anything with him. But you’ve slipped a couple of times. He’s sure he can get you to completely fall. He has to think it through carefully.

He has to play the long game, yet he’s at his wit’s end. He spends so much money on flowers, chocolates, teddy bears; a lot of stuff that you love. He can’t keep spending so much money on someone who won’t bother to give him another chance. Although he doesn’t realize how many chances you’ve given him.

He nearly gives up, until he catches you walking to your car after work. For a moment he debates on just leaving. But he ends up calling your name before saying, “Wait up!”

You don’t know why, but your feet come to a stop. You turn around to see him, and you watch him walk up to you. You give him a subtle smile as he walks up to you. Your smile, even though it’s not necessarily a happy one, cheers him up.

“Are you busy tonight?” He asks when he comes up to you. You bite your bottom lip before you shake your head. You know you should just lie before he invites you to go out, but you decide not to. You stand in silence for a moment before he decides to ask, “Do you want to do something?”

“I’m so tired. I just want to go home.” You respond and he slowly nods. You chew on the inside of your cheek before you decide to speak up, “If you want a drink, you can join me at home…”

“Oh.” Suguru is taken back by your suggestion. The one time he doesn’t really try anything, you suggest this. Of course, your offer doesn’t necessarily mean anything. For all he knows, you just need a drink and a shoulder to cry on. Which is something that he can take advantage of. “Yeah. That sounds nice.”

“You know how to get there, right?” You question. He nods in response, fighting back a smile from coming to his lips. You begin to walk away, and he watches in disbelief. Is the universe finally on his side?

-

You get to your apartment way before Suguru, so you begin to tidy up the place a bit. It isn’t a big mess, but it does need some organization. You don’t understand what’s taken over you, but you want to see him again. He’s so sweet with you, and you feel like giving him a chance. Well, not necessarily a chance, but you do want to be able to speak with him again.

Or maybe it’s just your loneliness that’s taken over you. Suguru gives you the attention you crave, or at least he’s trying to give it to you and you turn him down. You keep thinking about why you’re really doing it even though you want to dismiss it. You don’t want to think about it. It’s best for you if you avoid thinking about it.

It’s been around ten minutes, and he still isn’t here. He doesn’t know which exact unit you live in, so you decide to step out of your apartment and go outside the building to wait for him. You’re eager for him to get here, and you don’t fully understand why. You notice his park as he parks outside the building, and you patiently wait for him to get out. It feels interminable as you wait for him.

He finally steps out of the car and walks towards you with a bottle of wine. It seems like he made a quick stop which is why it took him longer to get here than expected. He gives you a small smile. You don’t exchange any words before you walk away, and he follows. 

You get to the apartment, and take the bottle of wine from him, setting it down on the kitchen counter. You look for two wine glasses as you tell him, “Make yourself at home.”

“Okay… Thank you.” Suguru takes a seat on your couch. He wonders what the hell happened to you, not that he minds. Maybe his efforts have finally paid off. He looks around the apartment while you pour the wine. It’s decorated beautifully, and the aesthetic really suits you. Not to mention that you have a great view from here. Nothing too magnificent, but regardless, a very nice view.

“Here.” You walk to him and give him a glass half full of wine. He takes it, a thank you leaving his lips. You end up taking a seat next to him, which surprises him. What surprises him is the fact that you had the option to sit elsewhere, but you’re inches away from him. 

“How are you doing?” He can’t help but ask. This behavior from you is certainly weird, so he wants to make sure everything is okay. Maybe it’s the fact that he hasn’t tried so much. If it’s that, he should’ve stopped trying much sooner. He’s assuming that more will happen tonight. He isn’t too far off. You wouldn’t invite him over for nothing.

“I’m good… A little busy, but that’s it. It’s how it usually is.” You tell him, an ingenuine laugh escaping your lips before you bring your glass up to your lips. You look over him, your face getting warm as you take in how handsome he looks. Maybe that was why you invited him over in the first place. “How about you?”

“Yeah. Me too.” He responds. You begin to make small talk, not wanting to get into bigger and heavier topics because it’d kill the mood. Sincerely, you have so many other important topics to talk to him with, but you both know better. It’ll get you upset, and then you won’t get what you want from each other.

The small talk gets boring after a while, and you both rely on your drinks. Until your glasses are empty. Suguru doesn’t know if he’ll be staying the night so he doesn’t want to drink more than what he can. You stand up, grabbing his glass to fill it up again. Before you can walk away, his hand wraps around your wrist, stopping you.

“Make it clear for me. Are we going to do anything? As much as I love spending time with you, I can’t make any more small talk.” He says, and you bite your bottom lip. It makes you realize that you don’t have that much to talk about other than your past problems. But that reminder isn’t still enough to make you back out. He lets go of you and you put both glasses down on the coffee table.

“You won’t let it get to your head, right?” You ask, looking down at him. He shakes his head, even though he knows he will. This will just confirm that he does have a chance. He stands up and you grab his hand. You lead him to your bedroom, and he can’t fight back the smirk that comes to his lips. You get into your bedroom, and push him onto the bed. You get on top of him, your lips going on his.

Your tongues press against one another while his hands begin to wander around your body. He won’t waste any time. He begins to ride up your skirt before his hands rub over your clothed cunt. He pulls away from the kiss, kissing down your chin and to your neck. He begins to suck on your neck, attacking that one spot that makes the sweetest moans leave your lips. 

He pushes your panties to the side, two fingers running through your folds. His fingers begin to circle your clit, while his mouth continues to suck on your neck. Hearing how you sound on top of him is like music to his ears. He stops playing with your clit and sucking on your neck, putting you down on the bed. He gets on his knees on the floor and forces you to spread your legs.

“What a pretty little pussy.” He comments before he spits on it. His tongue runs up and down your cunt before it fixates on your clit. His tongue flicks it repeatedly while he presses two fingers against your entrance. He pushes two fingers in, and you bite your bottom lip to not make an audible reaction.

He begins to suck on your clit while his fingers curl inside your cunt, doing what he knows you love. He wants you like putty under his touch so you’ll come back over and over again. He’s slowly coming to the conclusion that he can’t live without you, so he has to keep you hooked. And the only way is to do what you love.

“Suguru-” You moan as he curves his fingers so they press against your sweet spot. Your eyes are rolling to the back of your head. He’s so eager with everything, letting you know that he’s enjoying this just as much as you are. It’s really no surprise to you though, Suguru absolutely loves eating you out. He always has, which is a trait you’ve always adored because it benefits you greatly. 

Your hands go to his hair, and his free hand undoes the bun that keeps his hair together. He lets you pull his hair, and finds joy in it. His fingers pick up speed as your moaning gets louder and louder. You taste so sweet on his tongue, the same as always. He fucking loves the taste.

“Oh– It’s so fucking good, Suguru.” You shut your eyes, out of breath already. You’re reaching your peak and Suguru doesn’t have any intention of stopping until he knows that you’ve came. You get louder and louder as you approach your orgasm, and you finally finish, your legs spasming. He keeps going until he’s had enough, taking his fingers out but his mouth is still sucking on your clit. 

He pulls away and stands up, and the face you see when he’s back into your gaze is a face you want to remember forever. Hair messy all over his face, eyes dark as he looks down at you. He begins to kiss you heatedly, and one of your hands goes behind his head while the other begins to feel the bulge that’s in his pants. When he pulls away, he lays back down on the bed. He begins to unzip his pants.

“Want you to ride me, baby. It isn’t fair if I do all the work, now, is it?” Suguru takes his cock out, and once again, you get on top of him. Your hands land on his chest, and you begin to unbutton it. Suguru begins to position his cock to your entrance, too impatient to actually wait for you to finish unbuttoning his shirt. Sure, he wants you to do the work, but he doesn’t think he can wait for you to finish unbuttoning his shirt.

When you undo the last button, you feel his cock slowly enter your cunt. Every single inch fills you up, and you have to wait a moment before you begin to move on his length. Your hands hold on to his chest for support as you move. His hands go to your ass, and his nails dig into your flesh while he praises you, “You’re doing such a good job, baby. What a good girl.”

“Anything for you.” You mutter as you bounce on his dick. Your sex brain manages to bury all other thoughts, which is something that Suguru knows. Something that he’s taken advantage of a couple of times. 

Suguru can’t help but admire how beautiful you look on top of him. He loves the sight. He loves this. He loves everything about this and you, “I love you.”

You ignore his words, too focused on moving on his length and reaching another orgasm. That’s why you wanted him here in the first place. At least that’s what you’ll tell yourself. One hand goes down to play with your clit while you move, and when Suguru notices this, he begins to move for you.

“Oh– Fuck, Suguru!” You can’t help but moan as he picks up a pace that you certainly couldn’t go at. You certainly love it more like this though. And he adores the face that you make as you adjust to the pace he’s set. 

You look down at him, watching how his eyes are so fixated on your face, admiring your every future. He looks so handsome in this position, but you don’t admire him all that much. Your body rathers admiring the way he moves in and out of your cunt. 

“What a good fucking girl.” He praises you while you throw your head back, letting your moans out freely into the air. Your eyes are rolling to the back of your head as another orgasm threatens to overtake your body. His nails dig into your flesh so hard that he draws some blood from it, but neither of you notice it. Your body is overtaken by pleasure, the pain not felt. Or at least not as strong as the pleasure.

“I’m gonna–” You bite your bottom lip, so close to finishing. The sound of your skin smacking is very loud in the room, but somehow the moans that leave your lips overshadow it. Your legs spasm, your nails digging into his chest unconsciously as you come around his cock.

“Good job.” He continues, feeling ecstatic by the way your cunt wraps around him. He wants to feel this every night once again, and he’s going to get it back. That’s what he thinks about when you’re on top of him, your pussy wrapped around him. “Fuck–”

He comes to a stop, and his cum fills you up. Neither of you say anything as you take his cock out of your cunt. You lay down beside him, and unlike last time, you don’t say anything. Because you know it’ll happen again.

It’s inevitable.

🏷 @witchofoe @cactustattoo @hayatxlife @dearsunaa @dmnbby @mykyoon @luvs-wrld @tojidilfs @b3ast1706 @crispmarshmallow @matchabluebeiry-for-nanami @nobody289x @brownskinnedgirll @watyousayin @lilith412426 @cloudsinthecosmos @todoroki-slut @pinkfilmcamera @nothisispatrick300 @lilithlunas @tojianddabisslut @septembersums

[juanabaloo]

20 questions for fic writers!!

thanks to @coraniaid for the tag!

(1) How many works do you have on AO3?

21 works on AO3, all fics (+ 1 work about HTML code tips)

(2) What's your total AO3 word count?

195,661 word count (for those 21 works, not counting the HTML work)

(3) What fandoms do you write for?

I exclusively write for Buffy the Vampire Slayer!

(4) What are your top five fics by kudos?

All but the last one are part of my all human / no powers AU series where Faith and Buffy meet post grad school, but these fics are in their "established relationship" era.

My top 5 fics by kudos:

I don't care about the presents: E-rated long multi-chapter about Christmas in Sunnydale where Buffy brings her girlfriend Faith home to meet her Mom. There's a lot of feelings and processing and also lots of E-rated fun. (A little in ch. 5 and then a ton in ch. 8 and 10)

Game of Tag: E-rated well established Fuffy, with 4 short chapters.

Cool Granite Countertop: E-rated short one-shot.

I can see you with my T-shirt on: a WIP! E-rated Fuffy on a vacation trip. This is my current posted WIP. 2 of 4 chapters are posted, but does NOT end on a cliffhanger. I do plan to finish this.

Praise Her Blindingly Scrumptious Luminescence: (the only one of the 5 not part of the AU series) Canon divergent T-rated long slow burn one-shot. Faith awakens from her coma in Season 5 and ends up helping Buffy fight Glory. Nothing bad happens to Joyce. Featuring The Mayor (who survived S3) and several Bring It On characters.

(5) Do you respond to comments?

Yes I respond to comments although sometimes slower than I would like. I ADORE comments, they give me life.

(6) What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

The ending is hopeful but my angstiest fic (so far) is facing sorrow with Faith. Please do mind the tags. It is E-rated, but not really smut. (There's a little but it's VERY brief.) It's about Faith dealing with some of her past trauma, it means a lot to me.

(7) What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Almost everything else I write has a very happy ending, whether they are blissed out post bedroom fun (E rated), or smiley happy sugary good (G and T rated). There's some angst in I don't care about the presents but I consider it mild, and it has a happy ending.

(8) Do you get hate on fics?

Nope! Probably means I need to be writing less boring stuff, haha. Or just more unconventional stuff. But also fuck the haters.

(9) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes. I mostly write E-rated F/F smut but I've dabbled in F/F/M and F/M. (Only one fic with the dabbling is posted, but I'm working on more, including a sequel / fill-in.) Also typically what I write is older-than-canon Fuffy. (gif inspo one and inspo two) I try to write PWP but often feelings get involved. For example, if a scene includes a smutty milestone, then sometimes that MEANS something, and feelings intrude.

(10) Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I rarely write crossovers. Praise Her... (from 4 above) includes several Bring It On characters, but they are in Sunnydale in the Buffyverse. (So that's not tagged a crossover.) I did write a T-rated Seinfeld crossover (My summer vacation in NYC) where pre-teen Faith visits her aunt Elaine, so it's Faith in NYC in the Seinfeld universe. (Although she only interacts with Elaine, not the other characters.)

Neither of those are especially "crazy." I have a rough idea for a weird crossover fic... imagine Bring It On but with elements of Fight Club. Which means: Cliff and Missy are actually both just Missy. Torrance imagines Cliff sometimes, because she's very deeply repressing her attraction to Missy. (Except since I prefer Fuffy over Missy x Torrance I would probably soften Buffy into Torrance, or sharpen Torrance into Buffy.) So Fuffy but no powers AU and they're in the Bring It On world and Faith is both Cliff and Missy.

(I don't think we ever see anyone but Torrance acknowledge both Cliff and Missy as 2 separate people, which is what sparked this idea. Like usually when Cliff and Missy are in the same shot they are alone with each other or talking to Torrance.)

BUT I don't have any idea when this will get written. So if any readers want to take this idea and run with it, feel free! (Maintaining the manic hyper cheerleader campy vibe of Bring It On feels like the trickiest part of this, for version in my head.)

(11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

(12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope but I have a blanket permission statement in my AO3 profile that includes translations.

(13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, I think it could be fun.

(14) What's your all time favorite ship?

Buffy x Faith aka Fuffy.

(15) What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I plan to finish all my WIPs. There is only one posted WIP too, so I technically only have one to finish, that y'all know of! (*evil laugh*) I might decide to cut some short, so instead of writing a multi years long version, better to just chop it into one season. Praise Her... was originally way longer in the outline, but I'm glad I shortened it.

(16) What are your writing strengths?

Writing fics in a series out of order, which I'm treating as a strength. Working in canon dialogue but in a remixed way. (I have a no powers/no vamps AU drafted fic that works in something very close to the famous "tell me staking a vamp doesn't get you a little bit juiced" line. Cracks me up every time.)

(17) What are your writing weaknesses?

Lots of things I want to get better at! Titles for sure. Getting better at discarding ideas I am in love with. Also, I dislike having to describe what people look like. I will gladly use a famous character from another fandom (any fandom) just to avoid having to describe them. In several fics I pair up Tara with Letty Ortiz from the Fast and Furious franchise. Although I think I just call her Letty and don't describe her, so it was all in my head oops.

(18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I can probably swing it in Spanish, for short exchanges. I can definitely do it for a "Fuffy in a situation where they need to speak Spanish but it's sort of broken" scenario. (In my head - Faith speaks it OK, she's not fluent but she understands it and people can understand her. Buffy really struggles with it though.)

(19) First fandom you wrote for?

Same, Buffy the Vampire Slayer! I think I wrote maybe half a story in middle school with my friends, some mean RPF, and then I put fanfic writing in a box and forgot about it. Trying to make up for lost time now I guess.

(20) Favorite fic you've written?

It really depends on my mood. (ahem) I'm proud of my fics but don't want to get into smut talk here. For non smut I'll say a tie between Praise Her... and facing sorrow with Faith. (Again mind the tags on the latter.)

Thanks again for the ask!

No pressure tagging:

@beatriceeverytuesday-old @hersterical @thenewbuzwuzz @rahirah @fictiongods

@blazinwolve @andremichaux @charmedslayer @doggirlbuffysummers @chasingfictions

@veronyxk84 @fancyflautist @explosionshark @shittinggold @whatisyourchildhoodtrauma

(apologies if you don't write fic or someone else already tagged you)

anybody else, feel free to tag yourself in too!

[technicallywrite]

20 Questions for Writers

Thanks for the tag @envexenveritas, you're enabling me to procrastinate on writing a rather tricky scene.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Just two but one of them is sort of a song parody (about writing fanfiction, to the tune of Losing My Religion), not a fic. But the question says 'works' and... for better or worse, it's a work, I guess.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

393,520 across both works but the song is just 273 so, yeahhhh. That should tell you everything you need to know about my One Fic.

(42 chapters so far, in case you're wondering, including one that was a whopping 20k+ words)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Doctor Who, specifically the new UNIT gang, with heavy emphasis on the Big Finish audios in terms of sourcing story material. I'm basically rewriting the new UNIT storyline, centered on the developing relationship between Osgood and Kate Stewart.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I mean, if we're specifically talking fics, I have just the one. So it's my best fic and my worst fic at the same time, on any metric you choose to apply!

My Cosmos is Yours, aka Cosmos or sometimes Cosmosgate, has 297 kudos so far. Also, 30 bookmarks and 10,493 hits, in case that matters.

5. Do you respond to comments?

Do I reply to comments? Hah. Yes, yes I do. Religiously. Not always immediately, as sometimes I need a bit of time to digest them before replying; but I do read them all right away and I reply to everything eventually.

I welcome every kind of comment, from one-line "GAAHAHHHHHH" eructations to multi-paragraph analyses, rambles and vocal if not always coherent expressions of enthusiasm.

Funny thing, there's a bit of a culture of commenting that has grown around Cosmos. For reference, it has 1,194 comments (though half of that are replies from me).

Part of it, I suspect, is that word has got around that I'm pathetically needy for comments (I make no secret of it), so most of my regular readers have got into the habit of feeding me comments at every chapter, which is very lovely of them. And perhaps because there are so many comments on every chapter, some of the more occasional readers do also seem to find themselves motivated to leave comments, which is a wonderful effect, if true.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I haven't finished a fic yet so, no overall endings to speak of, but if I look across the 42 chapters I've written so far, Chapter 38: Endgame has got to be the most grim in terms of where it leaves Osgood and Kate.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hah well if we apply the same principle of looking across Cosmos chapters, Chapter 42: Life, the Universe and Everything has got to be the winner, with no fewer than three happy endings (one of them a double), if you'll pardon the phrase.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not so far, no. I occasionally get razzed by my British regulars for committing Americanisms (most famously, writing 'faucet' instead of 'tap') but it's all in good fun.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yep. Though I've been told it's not actually smut, it's erotica, which is the best compliment I can imagine. It's all character-driven, and it's very necessary to the story (I say to justify myself). I won't put any labels on it; I'll just say that by intent, it's loving, it's very mature, but it's never unnecessarily explicit. Though it does get people quite hot under the collar, reportedly, which is very gratifying!

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Well, I did pull in Malcolm Tucker from "The Thick of It" for one chapter, and he'll be showing up again because he's so fun to write. But it's not a zany kind of crossover.

I don't think I have any crazy crossovers in me, at least not at this moment in time; when I'm in the mood for that sort of thing I go to Lambrookmist.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, I'd be terrible as a fic co-author. I've co-authored a technical book in my professional life and it went well enough (the book got published and we're proud of it) but I suspect it was a frustrating experience for my co-author. I'm very critical and I change my mind about important stuff all the time.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Osgood/Kate Stewart obviously. With a side of Gabrielle/Xena and Janeway/Seven. There may be a pattern there.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I'm like a dog with a bone, I will finish everything, eventually. Although with Cosmos, I can't imagine running out of story to tell anytime soon. It could take years. Unless I find a good stopping point and just finish + start a sequel. That's an option.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Accurate characterization, I think? I'd like to think I do a pretty decent job with pacing and balancing action vs. talk. Also my real-life scientific/technical background helps me write credible plot details for our two favorite science geniuses.

From a stylistic standpoint, I've been told my writing has a cadence and musicality that's very enjoyable. That's something I care a lot about, so, yay.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm painfully aware that I overuse certain phrases. And I overthink things a lot, so it takes me ages to ship out new chapters. Especially now that I have a full time day job again, which I didn't when I started writing Cosmos— long story for another time.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

A few lines here and there can be very helpful when the setting calls for it (the characters are abroad, or working with people from different cultural backgrounds) but you don't want to overdo it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Well, I wrote a one-off Picard/Crusher ficlet in the late 90s, so I'm legally obligated to say Star Trek: TNG. But I never wrote anything else (fic-wise) until Cosmos.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Surprise, it's Cosmos!

In case anyone is curious, I'm about 1/3 of the way through writing Ch. 43, so hopefully it won't be nearly as long til the next update. (For reference, it took me three months to get Ch. 42 out.)

I think I'm supposed to tag some other writers now? Let's say @starfleetwitch, @kowarth, and gosh I need to look up some usernames. Will add those later. Got to go feed my family now.

EDIT: adding @colourmestoked04 to the taggees

[jinmukangwrites]

Weep little lion man (9.5/14)

First - Previous - Next

Fandom: Jedi: Fallen Order / Survivor Rating: T Warnings: N/A Ao3 Notes: next chapter is officially the beginning of the endgame. Thank you everyone who has joined me for this story. This is the final .5 chapter.

Summary: After defeating Dagan Gera for a third and final time, the Compass ends up in Bode's hands without a scratch. He could go back to Jedha with Cal... but he's holding what he wants. He doesn't see the point in pretending any longer. He makes a split-second decision. Or: Bode's betrayal goes a bit differently.

-o0o-

Never in Merrin's life has she been so glad to have so many friends willing to take charge. So many friends that knew how to make quick and effective plans on the fly; allowing her to set her mind on autopilot and simply do as Cere or Cordova tells her to.

They can worry about the specifics, the details, the intricate strands of unwoven tapestries, and she can just work.

"Merrin, can you help find Zee a way up this cliff?"

"Merrin, I need assistance moving some equipment from the smuggler tunnels."

"Hey witch, keep an eye on Caij for me, will you?"

She does everything anybody (except Caij, though the questionable woman never requests anything anyways) asks, because she's happy to help and she's a creature of action. Having a set of instructions and a task at hand helps her keep useful and productive even though she's no good at knowing the history of ancient Jedi civilizations, nor is she much of a use for putting together technology which will make it possible to traverse an un-traversable and chaotic plume of abyss in space.

She at least also got to protect Rambler's Reach from vengeful raiders and even the occasional troupe of Imperial invaders. She knew that she could do the leg-work, she enjoys the leg work. She had spent so long alone on Dathomir, desperately trying to cling to control as the forces of the universe did everything in its power to rip it away from her. Finding Cal... all those years ago... It gave her a greater purpose other than control. He helped her move on and focus on doing something. Let someone else be in charge, let the legacy of her sisters and mother not weigh her down so hard.

Helping Cere and Zee explore old Jedi chambers and temples, helping Cordova build a way to track through the abyss, even just keeping Caij in her sights, it made her feel like she was helping build progress on finally rescuing Cal and figuring out what exactly Bode's problem was. Singe the hairs of his eyebrows while she's at it.

Once Cere found a breakthrough in the mysterious Arrays, once Cordova managed to find a weak and unstable signal on Cal, Merrin couldn't help but think it took the Galaxy long enough to turn in their favor.

"So what's the plan?" She asks, folding her arms across her chest as Cere explains that activating the final Array just outside the Reach would make a temporary safe path through the abyss.

"Merrin, you'll get Zee to the array," Cere explains, her face calm but her voice twinging with undisguisable excitement. "Activate it, and join us on the Mantis. We should have just enough time to fly through the abyss, and with Master Cordova's work on the bounty puck, we'll know where to find Cal."

"Well," Caij says, leaning against the center console of the Mantis, Merrin narrows her eyes at the 'former' bounty hunter. "What are we waiting for?"

-o-o-o-o-

Getting Zee into the final array and getting herself back onto the Mantis was... concerningly uneventful. She thinks most people would celebrate things going easy, but things never went something as simple as easy when involving Cal. Too many things going exactly as planned couldn't mean anything good. Luck and karma didn't work that way for her family.

She kept her worries to herself, however, because if she were asked what was worrying her she wouldn't even be able to explain it. The Mantis hummed perfectly as ever as Greez lifted the old thing up and toward the Koboh atmosphere. The seats were comfortable. BD didn't leak oil. The array stayed lit like a beacon. Caij didn't suddenly get yellow eyes and cut down her family.

Geez punches it towards the triangle puncture going through the abyss, hands only shaking a little, but pure determination kept his flying steady. Silence filtered around the crew (and Caij) as star speckled black space turned into swirls of pink, purple, and blue. It looks like something only a child could draw with those glitter markers she saw once on Coruscant. It feels like flying into the heart of a supernova.

That feeling of something about to go wrong lingers. She can barely restrain herself from fidgeting as she stands behind Geez's pilot chair. She forces herself to look dead ahead at the carved path before them, a squeezing sensation wrapping around her heart.

"The path is getting thinner," Cere says, and Merrin closes her eyes for just a moment to breathe.

The array is shutting itself off, and they're already too far in to turn back. They need to go faster, onward, or they'll lose themselves here.

Cere grabs onto the hyperspace controls, ignores Geez's panicked shouting, and closes her eyes.

Something has finally made itself complicated; and while it seems Cere is about to initiate a solution, Merrin can't help but find a little comfort in the tides turning into currents. Deep down, she knows this will only be the first of many problems, but at least now it's familiar.

"Now!" Cere shouts, mostly to herself, and flicks the switch.

Geez screams, Caij swears, Cordova calmly breathes a visible breath, BD clutches into Merrin's shoulder, and Cere looks dead ahead at the streaks of hyperspace. Merrin... Merrin doesn't know what she does. Everything gets so loud and so real in her brain where if her physical body does anything, it wasn't her consciously controlling it.

She trusts Cere, but she doesn't trust fate. They'll get through this, but whatever is waiting on the other side is promised to be a thousand times worse.

Hold on, Cal, her brain desperately screams, it's almost over.

-o-o-o-o-

With a flash, the empty space above Koboh suddenly finds itself filled.

The pilot, sitting alone within the cockpit that used to belong to his father, frowns beneath his helmet as the signal he had just been tracking suddenly disappears.

He reaches for the puck, moving his gauntleted hands over the small FOB and checking to see if there's a loose wire or something else as temporarily inconvenient. He can't find anything wrong with the tool, which means something else had caused the signal to suddenly disconnect.

A flash of light, and he blinks ahead at a strange cluster of space dust that's settled itself as near to the planet as a moon would. Three beams of light tear through the center of the plumage, though one is in the process of going out.

The bounty hunter glances back at the tracking puck and quickly checks the last known coordinates of his target. He's almost not surprised that they point him directly towards the mysterious abyss.

The third beam gives a final, violent shudder, then flickers out in a blaze of glory. Whatever path it has carved, it's gone now, and so is Caij Vanda.

Only at a slight loss, he bites his lip and looks down at Koboh. He can't give up on his target, not quite yet, and perhaps wherever that broken beam had come from, there will also be someone who knows what the point of it was, and if his target is dead or not.

He has enough of a reputation that simply confirming a death will get most contractors good faith. He can still get paid here, and then he can move on to other bounties with no sleep lost. Bigger bounties, maybe that red-hot one the Empire just tripled.

Turning Slave 1 towards Koboh, Boba Fett makes preparations for landing.

[bambirex]

It's A Game We Play: Chapter 4

Pairings: Geraskier, Yennskier, Radskier

Characters: Jaskier, Geralt of Rivia, Yennefer of Vengerberg, Radovid, original female characters, Essi Daven, Priscilla, Ciri of Cintra, Valdo Marx

Additional tags: inspired by Mamma Mia! (movies,), crack, alpha/beta/omega dynamics, omega jaskier, alpha geralt, alpha yennefer, beta radovid, awkwardness, jaskier is a good parent, protective jaskier, weddings, found family, post mpreg, fluff and humor, alternate universe- modern setting, jaskier is having the worst time of his life, valdo is here to make everything worse, confusion, banter

Rating: teen and up audiences

Full word count: 10,713 words

Chapter word count: 3,324 words

Chapters: 4/?

Summary: Jaskier's daughter is about to marry the love of her life, and she decides she wants both her parents at her wedding. Only problem is that Jaskier has slept with a little too many people in his youth, so the identity of the other parent is a mystery. That does not stop the bride-to-be from inviting three potential daddy candidates and unleashing absolute chaos in the process.

*

Otherwise known as Jaskier's terrible horrible no good past decisions leading to terrible horrible no good outcomes. Also known as the Mamma Mia! AU nobody asked for, but I wrote it anyway.

Chapter summary: Running into familiar, unwanted faces and meeting weirdly eager strangers.

Author's notes: Chapter title speaks for itself, since this question will pop up during this chapter many times. I liked the suggestions in my comment section about Geralt, Yennefer and Radovid knowing each other so much, that I decided to work that in, thanks for the idea!!!! I am also bringing you all a beloved beloathed character, and Amaryllis's big meeting with the "daddies" as well.

Read on Ao3

*

If someone told Yennefer just a week prior that she would literally drop everything and get herself an emergency sabbatical from the bistro, and she would force herself through a nearly four hours long ferry ride, all because she received a mysterious letter from someone she's slept with twenty years ago, she would've called them a fucking moron.

Yet, there she was, staring at the waves licking the side of the ferry as they made their way over the sea. Yennefer put her elbows on the railing with a deep sigh. She closed her eyes as she breathed in the salty air. Twenty years ago, she was traveling across the sea just like she was doing it now, full of youthful energy and hope. She had none of that now. She was just anxious as all hell, because seriously, what could Jaskier possibly want from her? How was she even supposed to react when she saw him standing on the docks, waiting for her? How was she supposed to greet him, what should she ask? How was she supposed to cope with the fact that she had to face someone like that from her past?

"Yennefer?"

As Yennefer turned around fast, the wind blew all of her hair into her face. She cursed and sputtered as she tried her best to remove it from her mouth and eyes.

When she finally came face to face with the person who called out for her, Yennefer suddenly felt the urge to throw herself off the ferry and into the water.

“Geralt,” she hissed, her eyes widening, “what the fuck are you doing here?”

Geralt cleared his throat awkwardly, a habit that he seemed to never have abandoned since Yennefer last saw him. Her and Geralt had dated about ten years ago, and for a while, Yennefer was convinced that maybe he could be the one. She was wrong, like she always was, about every person she dated. Geralt wasn’t a bad person, not by any means, and Yennefer did love him. But maybe two Alphas were just never meant to work out; their too similar personalities soon led to constant fighting, which lead to a not very nice breakup, during which Yennefer told Geralt he was a ball-less coward who really needed to get off his high horse, and Geralt called Yennefer a control freak with anger issues.

And now, to make this already weird and frustrating situation ever worse, here he was, staring at Yennefer with that constipated look on his face.

“It’s nice to see you too, Yen,” Geralt grumbled, arms crossed over his chest. Yennefer scoffed.

“Don’t call me that.”

“I was hoping we could have a civil conversation, but clearly, I was wrong. I just wanted to say hello.”

“Okay, you did. Goodbye.”

“Yennefer,” Geralt sighed, “let’s not be childish, okay?”

Yennefer gripped the railing again to stop herself from committing a crime that would’ve earned her a life sentence.

“Oh, yeah, says the man who’s allergic to commitment, and drops everyone like a hot potato the second things turn serious!”

“Yeah, because you handled everything so maturely,” Geralt growled, “you were only looking for flaws in everything, of course you found them!”

“Did you come here to antagonize me?” Yennefer spat. “You should have just ignored me.”

Geralt deflated at that, somewhat. There was a small, barely-there smile at the corner of his lips. Yennefer hated to admit, but it was still stupidly attractive.

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” Geralt said, his voice much softer. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Same. So, what are you doing here, Geralt?”

Before Geralt could answer, a teenage girl rushed over to them, knocking into Geralt so hard it looked painful. Her ashen blonde hair was mussed from the wind, and her grin was mischievous.

“Dad,” she called out with a giggle, and Yennefer’s eyebrows shot up to her hairline. Dad!?

“I’m gonna drive a Bentley!”

“What?” Geralt turned to her with utter confusion. Yennefer was pretty sure she was going to pass out and into the sea.

“I never said that you could drive it!” Came a voice from behind the cackling girl. “I just said that you could see it if we reached land!”

A tall man with long, reddish-blond hair approached them with a huff. He looked utterly miserable, which might have had something to do with the seagull shit that covered the shoulder of his clearly expensive silk shirt. He looked familiar. Yennefer narrowed her eyes as she stared at him, trying to figure out where she knew him from.

Geralt blinked at the man with a similarly confused expression. “I’m sorry, do you know my daughter that you’re offering her a car show, or should I call the police?”

“Did you just accuse me of… rude!” The man huffed. “She walked up to me and asked me if the Bentley was mine! I wasn’t gonna send her away!”

“It’s a nice car,” the girl chirped, seemingly uncaring of the adults’ impending brawl. “Can I get a driving license, Dad? I’ve driven your car before, I’d do good!”

“I’m sorry,” Yennefer interrupted them, “Geralt? She’s you daughter?”

Geralt gave her a wounded look. “Yennefer… she’s Ciri. My daughter.”

Yennefer opened her mouth then quickly shut it again before she said something that wasn’t meant to be heard by a child. Geralt used to insist he could never have a family of his own. That he would be a shit dad, and children were too much hassle. He clearly found Yennefer’s desire for kids weird and unnecessary. And here he was, with a kid- a kid that was clearly a teenager. Holy shit, he had a kid while he dated her, he must have had a partner he cheated on with Yennefer, then. He made her into a homewrecker. Yennefer was going to kill someone today.

Ciri nodded towards her with a grin. “Nice to meet you! I like your dress!”

“Thanks…”

“Wait,” the blond guy turned towards Yennefer, “I know you!”

Oh, no. Now that Yennefer took one more look at him, it became obvious where she met him. It was the evening she officially ruined her career as a chef, and she was pretty much exiled to cook at a cheap bistro. She had to cater at some expensive business party, and she was so nervous around all the stuck-up suits, that she messed up the meal, big time. And that guy was there, his stubble was a little thinner and his eyes were a lot less stern back then, but Yennefer recognized him. He was the first to spit out her stew, which then drew attention to the mistake she’s made.

“You put sugar in the stew instead of salt,” the guy said, “it tasted like cake smothered in grease.”

“It wasn’t as bad as you all claimed!” Yennefer snapped. “But your spoiled ass had to make such a frenzy about it! You’re the reason I’m still cooking at a shithole bistro!”

“Oh, thank the stars, that’s better for everyone.”

“Wait,” Geralt said, cutting off the mighty string of curses Yennefer was about to throw. “I know you, too. You have that company. And a tarantula.”

“Huh?” The man turned to Geralt. His eyes widened. “Oh, wait, I remember you too! We met at the vet. Your foal tried to eat my shirt and it also jumped out of your hands and started wreaking havoc in the waiting room!”

“And you were so convinced that your tarantula was more important than my sick horse that you ran in before me! It probably wasn’t even sick, you just didn’t know how to take care of an animal properly.”

“You leave Franz Joseph out of this!” The man yelled, pointing a finger at Geralt’s chest. “He was very sick!”

“Who’s Franz Joseph?” Ciri whispered to Yennefer. Yennefer shook her head, which was quickly growing dizzy.

“Okay, alright,” Geralt sighed deeply. “Your pet has nothing to do with your own arrogance. How’s, uh, Franz Joseph, by the way?”

“He’s dead.”

“Shit. Sorry about that.”

“Alright, will anyone tell me what the fuck is going on?” Yennefer huffed. “Geralt, have you had a kid all along? While you were dating me? Was that why you said you could never have one with me?”

“Maybe not in front of Ciri,” Geralt tried. Ciri narrowed her eyes at him.

“You two dated?”

Geralt released a long-suffering, deep sigh. “Yeah. Some time ago. Yennefer, I adopted Ciri four years ago. She is my daughter, but we haven’t met while we were together. Okay?”

“Okay, and why are you headed to Thanedd?”

“Why are you?”

“I… I got a letter from someone, it’s an emergency, or whatever, I had to drop everything at home, I’m really fed up already, and you are not helping!”

“What,” Geralt’s voice wavered slightly, “a letter? You too?”

“A hand-written letter?” The other guy chimed in, his face turning pale. “From someone on Thanedd? About… a life and death situation?”

“Yes?”

“Who wrote to you,” Geralt asked, his eyes widening with panic, which made Yennefer’s nerves even worse. Yennefer grabbed the railing again, this time to not faint.

“An old love… I mean, someone I knew. Is this an interrogation?”

“You started it,” rich guy reminded her. “And this someone, who sent you a letter… he’s not called Jaskier, by chance?”

“How do you know him,” Geralt growled dangerously as he turned towards the other man. They were about the same height, but he still seemed to tower over him. Yennefer could feel the angry Alpha pheromones oozing off him. It made her feel even more snappish, not to mention that possessive flare upon hearing someone else knowing Jaskier. Her Jaskier.

“Control yourself,” the man warned him, “your child is standing right there next to you.”

“Don’t bring me into this!” Ciri huffed, crossing her arms over her chest in a way that was so similar to Geralt’s. “I have zero idea what’s going on, I’m just enjoying the free show.”

“Why would Jaskier write to you,” Geralt continued, lowering his voice slightly. “Who are you to him…?”

“Radovid,” the guy helped him out with a sigh. His eyes narrowed to slits. “And how do you know him?”

“He wrote to all of us!?” Yennefer asked in horror. “What… why the fuck would he do that?”

They all stared at each other. Geralt chewed on his lip, his brows furrowed in distress. Radovid stared at his feet, stiff like a statue. Ciri looked from one to the other, both confused and clearly entertained by the mess she ended up in the middle of.

Yennefer turned back towards the sea and groaned. It wasn’t enough that she had to worry about what Jaskier needed of her after all this time, now she had to face the fact that her ex, and a random guy was also here, and they all got the same letter, apparently.

She really should have thrown that letter away.

--

Probably everyone thought Amaryllis was insane, what with the way she was pacing up and down on the docks, muttering to herself to calm her nerves. She couldn’t possibly know if her plan worked at all. There was a chance their address changed, and none of them received her letter, or if they did, they could have just ignored it. After all, twenty years have passed since then, what were the odds they would leave their homes so abruptly to come see Jaskier?

Amaryllis could only hope that her Papa left a mark on them deep enough that they would want to find out what he (well, Amaryllis) wanted. She knew her father was a remarkable and loveable guy, but she didn’t know how the other three were. She could only go off on the descriptions in the diary, hence why she was nervous if she would recognize them at all.

By the time the ferry arrived, Amaryllis was a hair’s breadth away from passing out. She watched the cars roll down, then the people walk off, her heart beating at an abnormal speed all the while. What was the chance she would get a heart attack right now? She pressed her fingers against her neck to feel her pulse. Oh, God, she was going to explode from anxiety.

Amaryllis craned her neck to see over the crowd that milled around the docks, trying to find faces similar to the descriptions. She really did hope no one went through a drastic style change that made them look entirely different.

The crowd cleared a little, and Amaryllis noticed a shiny white car- a Bentley.

He is literally blonde Prince Charming, not on a white horse, but in a white Bentley.

Amaryllis’s breath hitched in her throat as she approached the car slowly, her palms growing clammy with sweat. What were the chances the car was the same, that it was Radovid’s?

Once she reached the car, she was greeted with a girl somewhat younger than her, who grinned at her brightly.

“Nice car, isn’t it?” She asked proudly. “It’s mine!”

“No, it isn’t… whatever. Let the kids have fun.”

Amaryllis turned towards the voice. She gasped at the sight of a tall, lean man, with blond hair, dressed in expensive clothes there were only somewhat dulled by the smear that suspiciously looked like bird poop. It had to be him.

“Radovid,” Amaryllis breathed out. The man’s eyes widened comically.

“Do we know each other?”

“It’s you…”

“I’m sorry, how do you…?”

Amaryllis wobbled on her feet when a broad, white-haired man stood next to the teenage girl who declared Radovid’s car her own.

“Geralt…?”

“What? How do you know my name?”

“Okay, I genuinely don’t know what’s going on, but…”

Amaryllis turned towards the female voice, and yes, indeed, there was Yennefer. She couldn’t believe her luck.

“Yennefer,” she whispered, causing the woman to stare at her like she just massacred her entire family.

“Do you know my name too?” The young girl laughed. Amaryllis sent her an apologetic smile.

“Alright, this is strange,” Geralt noted, “how do you know us?”

“I… huh. Lord. This is weird, I know. Bear with me, okay?” Amaryllis bit her lip, trying to hold back an excited squeal. “My name is Amaryllis Pankratz.”

“Pankratz!?” They all yelled in unison. Amaryllis grinned. They remembered her Papa.

“Yes. I’m Jaskier’s daughter.”

She had never seen faces turn so white all at once. Geralt practically wasn’t even breathing. Radovid closed his eyes. Yennefer’s jaw literally dropped. The teenage girl grinned in delight.

“Jaskier has a daughter,” Yennefer whispered. She looked Amaryllis up and down, recognition lighting up in her eyes. “Shit. You look just like him. I should have known.”

“Yeah, do you know how many times I got the ‘oh, did Jaskier went back in time and turned into a girl’ joke?” Amaryllis chuckled. She swallowed in embarrassment when no one laughed. “Erm…so, yeah, Jaskier is my father. And I know you guys all know him, and I know you don’t know me, but… ugh, this is difficult! We gotta get to know each other a little better before my wedding.”

“Before the what?” Geralt asked. Amaryllis chuckled nervously.

“Yeah, so I’m getting married and I kinda need one of you to be at the wedding, but first I need to figure out which one of you should be there, because I think one of you is… shit!”

Amaryllis turned pale when she spotted Jaskier in the distance. He was luckily not facing them as he was walking towards the market, but she couldn’t risk him seeing his old lovers there before Amaryllis had a chance to talk to them.

“Trust me,” she practically begged the bewildered group, “and follow me, okay?”

Before any of them could protest, Amaryllis practically shoved them all towards the cars, away from Jaskier. The teenage girl went with them, and while Amaryllis wasn’t sure who she was, she kind of liked her already.

They would all have plenty of time to get to know each other, if everything went well.

--

Jaskier was contemplating which watermelon to pick when he felt a hand brush his side gently. He jumped, dropping both melons on the ground. They smashed on the asphalt, coating his new shoes in juice.

“Thanks for this,” Jaskier groaned as he stared at the mess on the ground, “I will not be paying for these, but you will!”

He looked up to see who touched him. The breath caught in his throat, and his head started swimming right away. He wobbled on his feet for a second, before he let out a mighty “what the fuck are you doing here, you ghoul!?”

“Oh, Jaskier,” came the snarky laugh in response, “you did not change one bit.”

What terrible sin Jaskier must have committed against the gods that they brought Valdo Marx, the bane of his existence, his formal rival, his archnemesis, the curse of his life, to the peaceful little island he lived on!?

“What are you doing here,” Jaskier huffed, hands on his hips, “I thought you were in jail for being a sex offender or something.”

“You wish,” Valdo grinned. He raked his eyes over Jaskier with an appreciative hum. “Look at you. You look lovely, still. Gained some weight, but that’s par for the course after having a child, isn’t it?”

“It takes me approximately one second to grab one more melon and bash your head in with it,” Jaskier warned him. Valdo laughed heartily.

“Oh, come on, now, Jaskier, don’t be so hostile! It looks good on you. You look gorgeous, was what I was trying to say, and yet, here you are, threatening me with assault.”

“Stop with the fake compliments,” Jaskier spat, “what the hell are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be playing shit music with your band of disgraced theater kids?”

“Another thing that didn’t change: your deaf ears. We’re playing plenty, don’t worry. That’s actually why I’m here.”

“What?”

“Oh, haven’t you heard?” Valdo grinned mischievously. “A certain Mrs. Cooper is best friends with our manager. And he offered her a lovely band, ours, to play at her daughter’s wedding.”

“No,” was all Jaskier was able to say when he realized Valdo was talking about the mother of Amaryllis’s fiancée. Valdo laughed again, enjoying the horrified look on Jaskier’s face.

“Congratulations! I’ve heard Sara is marrying your daughter! Can’t wait to meet the lovely brides.”

“You. Are. Not. Playing. At. My. Daughter’s. Wedding!” Jaskier growled, emphasizing every single word. Valdo tutted at him condescendingly.

“Oh, don’t be like that! It’s going to be lovely! You can give your daughter away to the sound of my beautiful singing, doesn’t that sound good? You’ll get to watch me bask in the glory while you cry in the background. Just like old times.”

Jaskier let out a scream as he grabbed another watermelon off the stand. Valdo ducked away just in time before his head collided with the large fruit.

“See you around, Jaskier,” Valdo chuckled. The bastard had the audacity to grab his hand and kiss his knuckles, making Jaskier let out a sound that he didn’t realize he was able to make. He rushed away before Jaskier could attempt to murder him one more time.

“You’re gonna pay for all the melons you smashed, I hope you know that!” The clerk yelled at him. Jaskier nodded with a sigh of defeat.

His hands shook as he fished his money out of his wallet. This couldn’t be real. He must have been experiencing a terrible nightmare, and he would wake up soon.

He would have to come up with a plan to make sure Valdo wouldn’t get to make a mess at Amaryllis’s wedding. Jaskier won’t let that happen, that was for sure.

At least things couldn’t get worse in the meantime, he reassured himself as he walked home.

[tortoisebore]

silly question, maybe, and I'm asking it anon because I don't want you to feel obligated /at all/ to answer (or to feel pressured to read my fic, lol) but.

my question is, how do you deal with the "pressure" of posting on ao3? I reckon for you it can be quite a lot of pressure to have so many people reading your fic / waiting anxiously for new chapters, and feeling that pressure when you're writing.

for me it's kind of the opposite - I post my stuff publically to ao3 but I barely get any hits/kudos/comments, which I know isn't the be-all-end-all of fic writing (I loooove fic writing and would continue to do it either way for my own enjoyment) but it can feel a bit daunting sometimes to post something and not feel insane pressure to /live up to high standards/.

like, I'm not delusional (most of the time), I won't be the next zeppazariel or moonymoment or whatever, but it does feel like a lot of pressure to write something PERFECT in order to be "allowed" on ao3 and receive comments and feedback and word of mouth, you know?

idk this became really rambly but I just figured you might have some good insights into this as you /seem/ really smart and I value your thoughts? anyway hope you're having a good day x

hi!! this is NOT a silly question 🫶 i’m speaking from my own experience so please take it all with a grain of salt and know that those feelings of pressure and discouragement and that need to meet a certain standard are reeeeaalllll and we all feel that at some point when doing anything in the realm of creativity

i have a very specific mindset when it comes to not just writing, but literally everything i create. i went to an art school and had all of my work ripped to shreds in public critique from age 17 on, so i built a very thick skin early and learned to separate myself from my artwork and designs. it sounds very cold, but it was/is necessary in my career and i’m thankful for it now!

all that to say i’ve carried pieces of that mindset into my creative hobbies. when i do something like write fic or make art just for the sake of making something, i’m coming at it from a place of “this is for me and me only.” i don’t find myself looking to other people for confirmation that i’m doing well because if i’m enjoying what i’m doing, that’s all that matters!

i feel like it sounds kind of arrogant to say this, but because of that, i don’t feel pressure surrounding writing fic. i write when i want, i write what i want to see, and no amount of comments asking for updates is going to change my process or make me feel guilty for taking “too long” between updates. i have a whole entire life outside of this (as do you!) and for the most part people understand that you’re a person with a hobby just trying to do something fun.

i’ve also been in fandom spaces since i was a very young teenager and i feel very familiar with the way people act surrounding fic and fic authors, so i knew what i was getting myself into when i posted the first chapter. i expected it to not be seen by many people, i expected negative comments, and i expected lots of backlash about the story not being finished when it was posted (for some reason people hate wips now????). i just got extremely lucky that someone liked it enough to post about it on tiktok, and then on twitter, and it took off from there.

i also don’t really keep track of hits/kudos other than getting the kudos emails (but i do read every single comment i get on ao3!). those numbers don’t mean much in the grand scheme of things and i try not to let them get into my head when i’m writing. i’ve also been extremely lucky in that i think i’ve had one singular kind of negative comment on the entire thing?? and it was someone that just didn’t seem happy with the slower pace of the story. i was able to look at that and be like “great, it’s my story and i don’t care <3” and move on from it quickly.

i know that this is not a universal feeling and that most people do not feel this lack of pressure and anxiety surrounding posting their work. i have such a specific set of experiences that’s led me to this level of comfort surrounding sharing my creative endeavors, and i know it’s probably not helpful to hear, but that’s how my brain has worked behind the scenes about this!

if i had any actual helpful tips to give, i think the biggest one would be to write from a place of self-indulgence! you’re going to be most passionate when you’re writing things for you, and that’s going to come through in your work. other people are out there looking for the exact things you want to write, they just haven’t found it yet.

((also use ao3 tags liberally 🫶))

this was so so so rambly and probably not very helpful i’m sorry fhfhffhfjfh if you ever want to talk more pls dm me or send another ask if u want to stay anonymous!! 💕💞✨🫶

[vic0329]

Black Mirror: Season 3

Episode 3: “shut up and dance”

Synopsis:

In the midst of the bustling and interconnected technological universe we live today, "Shut up and Dance" takes us into a disturbing analysis of how our intimidated is violated and influenced by digital media. Set in the near future, the plot centers on Sara, a college student who sees her existence take an unexpected turn when she is involved in the world of cyber extortion. A mysterious hacker, using a lethal weapon: In order to protect her reputation, Sara is compelled to undertake a series of supposedly insignificant but embarrassing acts. As the pressure builds, she falls prisoner to a deadly game where technology stands as the worst of her enemies and threatens her freedom. Through surprising plot twists and a story full of tension, "Shut up and Dance" raises fundamental questions about online security, the fragility of our digital lives and how privacy occupies an increasingly sqlvático world. Exploring the darkest corners of technology and human nature, this Black Mirror release presents a visually striking aesthetic alongside poignant performances. While Sara faces a merciless enemy and struggles with her own feeling hopeless, the audience is captivated by an intense emotional experience that leads us to reflect on the real control we have over our lives during these digital times. In "Shut up and dance", it is clear how in the virtual world there is no clear separation between public and private boundaries; showing us how a simple action like clicking can distort both truths and falsehoods.

Analysis:

IA and social media: In the chapter we do not see that the AI does not affect, but if the social networks because of a harassment that has an unknown person, the main protagonist has to do things he does not like as meet more people with the same problems or more serious, even had to kill another person to q the last equal to be disclosed a video of him, many people suffer from this daily because they are manipulated through social networks or cases where they get into pages with viruses and watch them all the time.

Mental health: Mental health has a great effect on our daily life and is related to our emotional, psychological and social well-being. It influences our most difficult moments and we react to various situations in which we face throughout our lives. This episode shows us a clear example of how, due to difficult situations and an imbalance in mental health, people made mistakes because they did not know how to deal with crises, stress, anguish, desperation and did everything to save their reputation.

Unfortunately we allow many people to play with our mental health and this is how it is presented in this episode, even though we want to be conscious in our actions, to manage our emotions, when we have pressure in various situations we make mistakes, stress wins us and our decisions go down, our life falls and in it our mental health and that is when we react and we realize that it was better to face the mistakes and not hide them no matter what, our physical and psychological health is worth more.

Positive aspects: social networks help us to manage our future, i.e. many activities in the future they will make our lives easier but they can replace us, through them we can communicate with our relatives at a distance and in emergency situations, social networks are a means of communication that when used in the right way are used to disseminate certain important news and be in context with what happens in the world second by second, the networks facilitate information, communication and entertainment and in our hand is the use we want to give it. Negative aspects: Social networks are categorized as a double-edged sword, many people take advantage of this knowledge in them to do evil, identity theft, theft of photos, personal information and manipulate people to do what they want, it is unfortunate that such an important and very useful tool little by little we are damaging it and so it is destroying us.

Rating:

The score we give to this chapter is 10, this chapter is one of the strongest chapters that in our opinion Black Mirror has had, it is known that Black Mirror touches on themes from the dark side of technology; This specific chapter talks about pedophilia and how hackers through the computer can be aware of everything the user does and use this against him. This 19-year-old young man violated his privacy by recording a video of him masturbating and How they threatened him that they were going to upload this video to networks and make him do illegal things.

This leads us to see the reality of many young people today and how this can influence their behaviors and mental health, leading them to commit illegal acts and even lead to death.

Technology is advancing rapidly, but even though it seems safe, we are always willing to take risks just by being on the Internet, in addition to the fact that technology today unfortunately handles everything and just one click away they have all our information. This chapter leaves many lessons, mainly about the care that must be taken with the devices and the information we give to them, because they can be within the reach of all hackers.

[thememoriesofaqueen]

In Another Life - Part 11

Masterlist (x)

A/N: [Chapter uploaded in April 2023] Hello :) I know that a lot of time has passed since the last update, but somehow I struggled with this chapter. I changed the last part over and over again, followed new ideas and made adjustments. Now I can present you with the end result. As always I want to thank you for your continuous support and feedback. It means a lot to me ♥ hope you enjoy it and please make sure to leave feedback ♥ English is not my first language    → I do not own anything of the TVD - Universe and I’m not affiliated or associated with the writers etc. This is only a headcanon/fanfiction.

Pairing: Kalijah ( Katherine / Elijah )

TW: drunkness, blood

Word Count: 7k

Please read also: AO3 and FFnet

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"Elijah! Thank god you finally managed to answer your phone!"

"Good Morning to you too, sister," Elijah answered calmly while keeping a close eye on the campus. This one administration building with the large windows upstairs gave a good overview over the grounds that came into question when it comes to Katerina. What happened last night seemed so unreal hours later that he feared it truly had been some kind of fever dream. He had to see her again but without appearing like some kind of stalker. Here, several meters above the ground, he could observe people unrecognized.

"May I ask what's on your mind, sister?" Because he is aware that she doesn't call without a reason.

"Perhaps, brother, even if it apparently seems to surprise you, I missed you?" she retorted, almost sounding offended which caused a little smile to play along Elijah's lips.

"I miss you too, Rebekah. So I assume everything is alright?" Just because he's currently away, doesn't mean he ceases to care about his family home in New Orleans. He regretted missing the first months of his niece's life but he had more pressing matters to attend to.

"Yes – Perhaps. It's difficult"

That reply caused a frown on Elijah's features while still keeping his gaze on the many students who made their way to their lecture halls.

"Please do elaborate."

"Well, we think there's something up with the witches. They've been remarkably quiet lately and are rarely seen. We suspect they plot something. When will you return back home?"

Elijah sighed, his grip tightening slightly around the phone. A new threat against his family is what he had feared, also because he cannot divide himself. He cannot search for Katerina and protect his family.

"What does Niklaus think?" he asked instead, not capable of giving an answer to her question of when he's coming back home.

"Our brother is not very happy with you right now. On the one hand, he wants you to come back, on the other hand, he doesn't want to see you. But he too feels like the witches are plotting something. It would be safer for Hope if you were with us. We are stronger together."

Elijah inhaled, his eyes closing for a second before they snapped open again.

"I love my family, Rebekah. If there is any concrete evidence of a threat, I will return as soon as possible, no matter the current differences with Niklaus. I assure you that I won't let any harm come to my niece if I can avoid it. However,–" he paused, his eyes focusing on a female with a familiar wavy ponytail, "– I can't and won't come because of a mere hypothesis. I cannot leave where I'm currently at."

His eyes followed the female, certain that it was either Maisie or Katerina. Even if he was watching her from a distance, he noticed the differences in her looks. Last night ... last night she looked like how he remembered her. This morning, however, she looked like the person he had seen on the terrace. The clothes she wore were too light for Katerina's current dress style. The ponytail also was something he had never seen on Katerina. And again he questioned if this really was only one person or two. Can she really pretend like that? He didn't doubt her skills but he supposed that it should be much harder now that she was human. His train of thought was interrupted by Rebekah's voice in his ear.

"Please tell me you're on a simple holiday and aren't still busy catching that bothersome doppelgänger."

"I'm busy with ... business," he retorted, his tone a bit too distanced to not notice the difference from his previous tone.

"Brother!", Rebekah hissed quietly on the phone, apparently choosing her words carefully. "If Katherine Pierce is still alive - which I don't believe if I'm honest - the worst you can do is play her shadow. Just think about it, Katherine Pierce is usually not shy to demand things if she wants them. She hasn't asked for your protection and heaven forbids that she will ask for your help. That woman is cunning and will use you. Haven't we had this topic before?"

Elijah was silent because of course his sister was right on some points. He could imagine Katerina trying to take advantage of him in her current situation. However, he would not refuse to help her if she needed it, regardless of their current relationship with each other. In addition, she had the chance to ask for his help although she was admittedly not in a clear state of mind. If she wanted to use him, she would have already tried. But that hadn't happened. Instead, she wanted (or rather expected) him to vanish.

"Elijah, please, I beg you to reconsider your current 'business'." He heard her exhaling on the other end of the line. "Look, I really loath that woman and the fact that she apparently got the cure, but even I know that it's awfully stupid to be anywhere close to her if you want her to stay alive."

"Not long ago, you yearned to be a human, sister. If you had taken the cure, wouldn't you have wanted your family to be around?"

"Of course, I would have wanted that. But there's a difference between her and me. I would have been prepared, I would have wanted to be human. I would have been prepared to say goodbye to you and Nik in order to live a peaceful human life. I would have known about the costs. In addition, you guys would have never left me without protection although I hope you wouldn't keep watching me like a hawk. Gosh, Nik probably wouldn't have let me out of his sight after he calmed down because of my choice. But with her it's different. There are many people who want her dead and you impossibly can keep an eye on her the entire time. If Nik finds out that Katherine Pierce is alive and human, and the reason you ignore us, she's more than dead. Elijah! If that woman is indeed alive, stay away from her!"

His sister's words weren't what he wanted to hear and the tension in his muscles grew. The last he wanted to be is a threat, although he is aware of the risks. Part of why he's so eager on keeping Klaus away.

"I'll keep it in mind, sister. If the situation in New Orleans gets worse, let me know. Until then, take good care of you and our family." With these words, Elijah ended the phone call just as the doppelgänger entered a building and therefore was out of sight.

▬ xxx ▬

Even if he didn't want to admit it, the phone call with Rebekah kept him occupied all day. Of course, he had considered that he would not make the whole story better if he just showed up and drew attention to her changed way of life. One of the reasons why he didn't just show up and talk to Maisie/Katerina.

His approach should be well considered and although he wanted to talk to the doppelganger, he now had doubts about whether it was a good decision in general. What if he really messed up her life too much? Apart from the fact that he didn't know if Katerina wanted to see him at all - her reaction last night was very ambiguous - he could not estimate whether it would be for her good.

For these reasons, he decided to show restraint until he was clear about how to proceed. In addition, contrary to his previous plans, he stayed in the administration building until the reading was finished and the students poured out of the building where Maisie/Katerina had gone into. That way he would at least keep a safe distance.

He had not been idle during that time, of course. He had asked George to arrange for Maisie to get the desired health insurance. He owed that to Eleanor Williams. Without her, he wouldn't be here – no matter the outcome.

In the crowd, which unfortunately went out of the building almost simultaneously, it was difficult to find an individual. Especially if you only had a view from above in a few decameters distance. Nevertheless, he stayed patiently at the window and let his attentive gaze wander over the various heads - for as long as he actually found her.

The initial smile disappeared from his lips when he spotted the young man at her side from the day before. Although he did not want to, he felt a hint of jealousy. He knew it was nonsensical, that he had no basis for it, but he was very unhappy with the idea that his Katerina had found interest in an ordinary person.

Of course, he knew he should be happy for her. A relationship with a person showed that she was not at odds with her fate. And didn't he want every vampire to have access to their humanity? That they didn't forget or betray human principles? Shouldn't he be glad that Katerina (or Maisie) seemed to live out what he wanted for others?

Strangely, this was difficult for him when it came to people who were close to him. He remembered the phone call with his sister and the phase (which probably still existed) in which she desperately wanted the cure. Although he would have welcomed any other vampire to have the opportunity to abandon vampirism, he could not deny that he found it difficult to feel the same when it came to his own sister.

It was selfish, he was well aware of that, but he didn't want to lose Rebekah to natural death at some point. He didn't want to imagine what it would be like if her natural lifespan was coming to an end. In the end, however, he would have accepted it, just because it was what would have made his sister happy - as long as she was really sure it was what she wanted. He still doubted that being human could solve all of her problems and desires.

He could challenge his sister's decision, but he had to accept Katerina's decision.

His eyes followed the couple, the man unknown to him had his arm around her waist. The two meandered skillfully through the crowd until they were welcomed by two other women. They seemed to converse briefly before the four of them set themselves in motion and finally disappeared behind a building - and thus out of his field of vision.

▬xxx▬

Hours had passed since he last saw the doppelganger. The more time he had, the more time he had to think about everything, and the longer he thought, the more he doubted his own mind.

Logically and rationally, there can only be one doppelganger, and Maisie's existence has been proven in many ways. She had a family, especially a grandmother who had even set up a room for her at home. She had documents proving that Maisie Williams was officially enrolled at this university. She seemed to fit into the social structure without any problems. Nothing, really nothing, indicated that Maisie Williams was not real.

"But what was that than last night?" asked his heart, which should actually have no opinion.

Could it really be that he had become so lost?

The sun had long since disappeared behind the horizon and Elijah knew he should go back to his hotel. He also knew it would be more efficient if he got his things and found a hotel in Columbia. Closer to the university, closer to her, or rather closer to the reflection of her.

He had already come into the dubious pleasure of meeting several doppelgangers, all were similar to each other, of course. But while they are similar, they are also different from each other. It started with the color of their eyes, which all seemed to have a different shade of brown. It continued with their hair, which all had an almost identical shade, but had a different hair structure. It ended with the sometimes very different personalities and self-perception, none of which were identical to the other. No one is an exact copy. They are different. Their own person. Linked to each other but still individual beings.

Maisie Williams was completely different from Katerina (or even Elena). Maybe it was only the hairstyle that Maisie seemed to prefer, maybe it was the light, almost pastel-colored clothes, which are so different from the usual dark and strong colors of Katerina's clothes.

So why, despite all of his experience, was he so sure that Maisie is a role Katerina had taken?

Could it be that he did not want to acknowledge the truth?

Was he so determined in his attempts to find someone who perhaps did not want to be found that he wasn't able to admit defeat?

Shouldn't someone like him already have come to a successful completion? After all, he had been looking for months for a person who was human for the first time in half a millennium and could no longer resort to her supernatural powers. Even if Katerina was an impressive and very clever personality, she should not be able to hide in the long run. Especially not after he learned about her condition at the hospital.

Or should he, perhaps, see it quite differently?

Shouldn't he be content with the knowledge that Katerina apparently - fortunately - was still alive? After all, the hospital and later Caroline Forbes had confirmed to him that it was Katerina with whom they had contact.

Should he perhaps consider his sister's words that Katerina would find a way to contact him if she really needed his help? Although he no longer trusted that she would. To be honest, he had already disappointed her too often, albeit partly unknowingly.

As he crossed the paths of the campus, he tried to order his mind.

What should he do? What was the right decision?

His once clear goal seemed incredibly blurry and vague.

Even if Maisie - despite all the odds - was actually Katerina, should he actually try to interact with her? Should Maisie really be a very clever and incredibly amazing fake, should he interfere? Maisie seemed content and happy, after all.

Moreover, even if he did not want to accept it, he had to be careful that his motivation was not driven by guilt or regret. He also had to be careful that his complex feelings for this woman did not prevail in his decisions. Only Katerina's well-being should come first.

Subconsciously, his feet had carried him to the fountain where he had met Katerina the evening before. At least he thought he had. Like the night before, this place was moderate to barely visited and Elijah decided to remain at this place for a while.

His eyes rested on the water surface of the fountain as he increasingly doubted his mind. He couldn't have been imagining what had happened last night, could he? And yet he remembered the episodes in the hotel and hospital where he had imagined himself smelling her blood. Having it stuck to his hands. The realization that his mind was actually able to play such bad tricks on him frightened him.

Elijah took a deep breath and shook his head over himself.

He in particular should know how dangerous it was when feelings came into play. That those kinds of strong feelings are able to make his head spin and are able to stop his rational thinking.

And yet he simply could not act otherwise.

He decided - although he feared it was a bad idea - to sit on one of the benches by the fountain.

Maybe he hoped that she would show up again, that he had a chance to offer his help. If she didn't want it, he would accept it, but she would at least know that the option existed.

Besides, and he only now remembered it again, he had to give her something back that belonged to her. Something she may have already missed: Her daylight necklace.

At the moment, he didn't have it with him, but in case of need, he could also send her a messenger or find another solution to give her the necklace back without actually having to show himself if he comes to the conclusion that it would be better not to meet her. Although for that to happen, he'd first need to locate Katerina (and not Maisie).

Why did the whole situation have to be so ambiguous?

Elijah leaned back on the bench and ignored the cold of the wood underneath him. If only the whole situation were clearer...

Even though he didn't know why, actually considered it pointless, Elijah took his mobile phone out of the inside pocket of his jacket. His instinct before his conscious thinking knew what - or rather who - he was looking for in his phone. He slightly frowned when he saw the contact 'Kaitlyn Sawyer'.

He knew it was pointless to call her, but he just wanted to hear her voice again. Making sure she was actually still out there somewhere, even though he knew she didn't seem to be using that number anymore. Otherwise, she would have reacted to his message in her mailbox, right?

He stared at his display for some time before actually calling 'Kaitlyn Sawyer'.

It took some time until it connected and started ringing before he was led to the mailbox, just as he expected – perhaps even hoped for. If the telephone company were to shut down her number, he would be deprived of the only way to hear her voice.

"Hello. I'm currently not available and my time's precious, so whoever this is, make it short."

It beeped - the sign that he could now take his message - and yet he was surprised for a moment. What did he want to tell her? What should he tell her?

"Katerina...it's me, Elijah. You probably lost access to this number or perhaps you simply don't wish to talk to me. I- I hope that you are okay. I miss you, Katerina. I want to do right by you. If- If there is any way for you to ... to send me a sign that I'm on the right way, I'd be thankful to detect it."

He is no one who usually believed in signs, but in this case, he hoped there would be a sign.

▬ xxx ▬

Elijah doesn't know how much time has passed. He knew, however, that it was time to leave - firstly because it was already very late and secondly, because it became noticeably colder. The seasons passed into the first harbingers of spring, yet the breath still left small white clouds. Nevertheless, he enjoyed the cool air that made him realize that all this was real, that he was not trapped in a dream. That he didn't chase any illusion - at least depending on how you took it.

One of the tower bells of the campus - probably one of the main buildings - just struck midnight. It was a dull yet dignified tone that quietly echoed through the almost perfect silence. Of course, his sensitive hearing could note that the chime was not the only sound. There were still some people roaming through the paths of the campus; laughing and chattering but they were not in this corner of the park and therefore ignorable.

Elijah closed his eyes and focused on the sound of the bell. Not on the often annoying people, but on a sound that had consistency.

Bells – no matter if found in a church or town hall or even on the deck of a ship - are timeless classics. They exist in one form or another in almost every century, giving them something ancient. Their purpose was manifold.

They called people to pray or warned of danger, proclaimed peace, or celebrated solemn events. Sometimes it was as simple as showing that another hour had passed.

The last reverberation of the bell was fading away, a steadily quieter hum. And before you knew it, the sound was gone, as if it had never existed, how small some fascinations could be-

"Elijah?"

This so familiar voice seemed to have appeared out of nowhere, and Elijah opened his eyes abruptly.

As if the sound of midnight had conjured up a spell, he now found a well-known woman a few meters away from him. He admittedly had to blink once to make sure that he had actually snapped back to reality after his previous brooding over bells.

Even if she looked different than he actually knew her - she was wearing a half-opened parka whose hood she had pulled over her head - it was definitely her. A few curls spilled out from the hood which seemed to be partly still moist and she carried a few bags of several kinds of foods in her arms. Chips and cookies as far as he could identify. An unusual choice, as he could not remember that Katerina had ever shown interest in such things.

As if it were an automatism, Elijah stood up from the bench and smoothed his coat, his eyes fixed on her all the time.

"Do you need help carrying?", he offered; a reflex of his helpfulness and possibly the best he could say without making a mistake. Especially when you look at the complicated situation. And yet...

She had known him by name, it had to be Katerina.

As if to reinforce his train of thought, his most ardent presumption, she gazed at him with a puzzled but yet questioning look.

"No ... yes ... perhaps. Are you really here?" She questioned and knitted her eyebrows together as if she didn't trust her own eyes. "If this is some kind of first sign for starting ... delusions, I definitely am going to quit. I didn't even drink today" She shook her head as if she wanted to underline her words.

Despite Katerina's obvious suspicions of this current situation, Elijah was almost overjoyed by this turn of events. She could remember him and she seemed to remember their interaction the previous night. Surely that only means one thing: This truly is Katerina!

Although he knew better, he could not resist the unconscious attraction she had to him. He walked towards her and carefully reached out a hand, an offer that he actually wanted to help her carry the various foods she currently had stacked in her arms.

"I assure you I'm not a product of your imagination, Katerina. It seems like I wasn't capable of 'poofing' in the morning as you had wondered about last night." He offered her a careful smile because, on the one hand, he wanted to calm her, on the other hand, he wanted to help her understand that she had not imagined him. "And I can help you with your purchases if you want to. Before the top half slides to the ground."

The brunette raised an eyebrow before she allowed him to help her. As always, he was careful not to cross any boundaries hence why he asked if she even wanted his help.

"How- how are you here?", she questioned and made it obvious that she truly seemed to be surprised by his presence.

"The short yet truthful version? I was looking for you." And now that he could finally talk to her and had the certainty that she really could only be Katerina, he felt incredible happiness. A feeling that warmed him from the inside and put him in a state of excitement.

"Why?" It was the suspicion in her voice that dimmed his excitement. As if she couldn't believe that he would indeed do such a thing. As if she deemed it entirely impossible. It only showed how much he had hurt her. What his not entirely thought-through decision had caused.

"Because the biggest mistake was to leave you with the apparent belief that you mean nothing to me. Something that has never been true and something that I deeply regret. It had never been my intention to look like I didn't care about you. In addition, you tried to reach me, but I was not able to answer." All the while Elijah spoke, the impression in his eyes grow softer. He had never thought he would make such a declaration shortly after midnight with a bag of chips in his hands. But he needed her to know that she means a lot to him; that he could never treat her like she didn't matter to him anymore.

Katerina tilted her head before turning her gaze away. "These times are long gone. What happened then is over. You didn't have to come here."

Of course, Elijah didn't expect everything to be all right if he just formally apologized to her for his mistakes. Nevertheless, her obvious rejection hurt him and made him feel like she stabbed him with her words alone. Perhaps he had hoped and had counted too much on the fact that she would be capable of recalling their conversation the previous night. About how he didn't want to hurt her, about how much he still likes her. About his admission that he had been a coward for leaving the way he did. But apparently, the saying about drunk people speaking the truth is indeed true. Last night, she had acted devasted about his past choice to leave and she had voiced her doubts about his return openly. If that's what she felt yesterday, then it's what she still feels now.

"I know that I can't make up to it with my appearance alone, and I know I'm, unfortunately, quite too late. But I do mean what I say. If you need me, I'll be there. Even if it's just for something as little as helping you carry your food."

Katerina raised her vision and looked at him again, apparently considering his words. He could tell that she was still suspicious and mistrustful. While she did so, he remained silent and still, wanting her to give her the space of making a decision. Although he wasn't fond of the possibility, Elijah had told himself that he would leave if that was what she desired.

A little sigh escaped her lips, for a moment leaving a tiny white cloud in the air. "If I ask you to try these chips you hold in your hand just to check if they're still edible, would you do it?"

This question seriously caught Elijah by surprise because out of all possible requests or things she could voice, she asked him to try the chips? Apparently, Katerina could see the confusion on his face because she raised an eyebrow and added: "They're out of a vending machine. I don't know how long they've been in there and I don't want to get a stomach ache, nausea, or worse."

"I admit I have never tried chips before ... am I supposed to detect a difference?" He looked at the inconspicuous bags in his hand and is almost certain that they have an expiration date one could check. Actually, it was almost incomprehensible why he had never tried something as simple as chips in his life. It had not occurred to him to even consider it.

"They will be soft or taste rancid. I'd also be careful if they have an unnatural color," she pointed out, appearing to have made her experience with expired food which gave him a feeling of unease for what she presumably had to endure in the past couple of months.

"If that is what you want me to do, I will try them for you."

This answer seemed to make her genuinely happy which left him wondering why she was so keen to have these chips. When did she develop a liking for such food? Though he wouldn't even call it food. It was a gap filler, something in between proper meals.

"Great. So... are you going to try them? It's getting cold out here and I'm really hungry."

As if her body wanted to confirm her words, he could hear her stomach growling and see her shifting from one foot to the other.

"Are you sure that's the right option if you want to go to sleep without getting a stomach ache?" Elijah asked but did as she told and placed the bags on top of the wall of the fountain before he took one of them and tore it effortlessly open. "As far as I can recall, vegetables which are rich in dietary fibre, vitamins, minerals, and complex carbohydrates are good to eat before one goes to sleep. Or alternatively, unsalted nuts, yogurt, curd, cottage cheese, crispbread, warm broth, or even dark chocolate can help overcome hunger." Things that would ease the hungry feeling and help her fall asleep. He isn't sure if chips can achieve that or if it will result in something like acid reflux.

Nonetheless, Elijah reached into the bag and took out one of the slightly greasy chips. He cannot say that he liked the texture it leaves on his skin. It made him want to wash or at least clean his hands. He did, however, led to his lips and tried it. It was ... crispy and noticeably salty. Probably exactly what good chips should taste like.

While he tried the chip, Elijah could note that Katerina was watching him closely. Either to catch every of his reaction or to see if he indeed had eaten that thing.

Knowing that she was expecting his final findings, he finally told her that the chips were still edible. Katerina took this as an opportunity to put the bags she was carrying next to the ones she had already handed over to him on the fountain wall and to take the opened chip pack from his hand. She reached into the package and fished out a few chips before eating them with relish.

After she had swallowed, she immediately took the next swing out of the bag, but before she ate it, he was again part of her attention.

"Should I be surprised why you know what's good for a midnight snack?" She raised an eyebrow before continuing to eat while still waiting for an answer.

"I was inevitably occupied with this topic the last few months." After all, at least one had to pay attention that the pregnant person was well cared for in her household. This included providing the necessary food. In addition, he had of course dealt with it again intensively after he had learned that Katerina had become human. He wanted to be helpful, after all.

"Well, there's something like comfort food, a guilty pleasure, it doesn't have to be healthy, it has to serve its purpose – and of course, don't ruin me with food poisoning. In addition, I just happen to have no access to the things you have recommended. It's the middle of the night, and now only bars are open." She looked at him as if she had just stated the most obvious things.

Maybe he's indeed a little out of touch. Elijah had to admit that he hasn't occupied himself with restaurants that are potentially open during this time of the day - or rather night. Especially in reach within a campus.

And yet, although he could not estimate how she would react, an idea matured in his mind. One way he could spend more time with her, while at the same time could prove that he was serious about his words.

"If you want, I could try to find an open restaurant where you get a real meal. I'm here by car, so it wouldn't be a problem to drive you anywhere, just tell me what you want."

"And leave my laboriously collected booty here?" Her tone did not sound enthusiastic.

"No, of course not, I can help you get them safely to a place of your choice." He suspected that even if they seemed to consist only of chips and cookies, she would want to bring her achievements into her premises. He already knew that she lived very close to this park.

"You seem to be really serious about this," she finally realized in surprise and rolled up the opening of the chip bag so that no air could go into the package, therefore, making sure they'll stay crispy.

"Why shouldn't I be serious, I'd do anything for you, Katerina." And he hoped she would believe him at some point.

The brunette pursed her lips and seemed to consider his offer while appearing as if she'd weigh the pros and cons.

"If I, theoretically, agree do you promise that this will not be a kidnapping and you will bring me back here?" Although her words were most likely not serious, he felt fundamentally hurt by her allegation. "And I assume that's an invitation, right? So I'm assuming you'll cover all the costs? Not that you expect a share in the fuel costs at the end."

"I assure you that this is no kidnapping attempt of any sort and I'll bring you back whenever you wish to be brought back. I also do not expect you to share any costs. This will be, of course, an invitation at my expense." He is a gentleman after all, and certainly wouldn't expect her to pay after he had invited her even if she weren't in the position of most likely not really having money at hand.

"I consider it." This reply of her caused Elijah to frown slightly because her previous interested tone suddenly switched to an indifferent one and he wasn't entirely sure what caused that change. Had he said something wrong? Did he accidentally insult her by inviting her to dinner? "Are you going to help to carry now?"

A quick nod followed her request before he got the many bags of snacks she had purchased. He considered this a good option and was glad that she accepted his previous request because the light in this place was sparse and he didn't want her to trip because she didn't see where she was stepping because of the bags of chips. "Tell me where I should bring them?"

Katerina eyed him for a moment before she said "In my room, of course. They're only useful there. Come."

As if it were a matter of course, Katherine walked past him and hinted at following her. In one hand she held the already opened bag of chips, with the other she began to rummage around in the pocket of her parka after some time. He watched her silently, but still interested, as he followed her. She seemed to have no concern that she had him in her back and therefore could not see him. He grasped this in such a way that he hopefully did not pose a threat to her. Something which should be a positive sign, right?

At some point, she had found what she seemed to be searching for in her pocket, and he could hear the clanging of a keychain. After a short time, they had reached the four-story, neo-classical building in which she probably lived – at least it was the same place she had vanished into last night. He didn't really know if he should follow her in or is even able to, but he decided to take the chance. She chose the left of the two symmetrical staircases that led up to the entrance of the building, and he followed her quietly until they reached the entrance gate.

Before he could even think about what would come, whether he could even be prevented from stepping in by a potential protective spell, Katerina had already turned around and extended her arms after she had unlocked the gate.

"You can give me the bags now." And after the handover happened, she let him know: "Wait here, I'll be right back."

And then she was gone - without even waiting for an answer on his part. He stepped away from the entrance gate to the parapet to let his eyes wander over the grounds, of course, he would wait.

At the same time, however, in her absence, he remembered the conversation with his sister. Doubts overcame him about whether it would be a good idea to be seen with Katerina in public and to go to a restaurant with her. He didn't want to draw attention to her, but she seemed to be really hungry. He could not leave her to such an unhealthy and for her atypical snack like chips. She needed a proper meal even if it were only a good soup to still her hunger and let her sleep peacefully afterward.

His thoughts were interrupted by two guys coming out of the building and lighting a cigarette outside. However, nothing of Katerina could be seen yet. He changed his current position so that the terrible smoke of the cigarettes did not capture him, but remained in direct view.

Now was definitely not the time to worry, especially after she had already announced that she'll be right back. He would just have to be very careful.

While he was waiting, he was already looking for restaurants on his phone that were not too far away and were still open. He also instructed George to control the area, just to be sure.

After another 20 minutes had passed, he slowly began to wonder if she would bail on him. Meanwhile, it was just before one o'clock and the two guys with their cigarettes were already back in the warm. Nevertheless, he would of course continue to wait and not move from his spot, although he considered whether it would make sense to get the car so that she would only have to get in. This would mean, however, that he had to leave this place which he definitely cannot do. Not if she could be back at any moment.

He waited and waited; not moving away from the spot where she had left him. Every now and then, even if it happened very rarely, other residents came by and either left or entered the building. When the first option was the case, he always automatically straightened and couldn't help that hopeful look on his features.

But when the clock hit 2 am, he had to face the truth that Katerina had decided against having a meal in a restaurant. A fact that was very disillusioning for him. He had been a fool for believing she would want to have a very late dinner with him. He should have known that that that was too much to ask.

Elijah wiped his hand over his face before he pinched the bridge of his nose.

Stupid. So incredibly stupid. He had been too intrusive and really believed he would have chances for a proper talk. To show that he cares. That he was terribly sorry for how things had turned out. Stupid.

In addition, her rejection hurt to a certain point. Not that he was in a position to complain but he really had believed - hoped - that he was on the right path. How else is he supposed to take the right steps?

▬ xxx ▬

In the following days - weeks - Elijah had withdrawn. He still drove to campus every day but kept his distance from any possibility of crossing Katerina's path. Rather, he had decided to be a silent observer while sorting his thoughts.

He investigated the last evening they had met, over and over again, just to get the same result every time: In the end, Katerina didn't want any further contact.

'These times are long gone. What happened then is over. You didn't have to come here,' were her words.

Of course, there was a small, overly optimistic voice in him that told him that there could be other reasons for her not showing up. Even a very simple one: Maybe she just fell asleep.

And even if this was within the realm of possibility, he felt like a stupid idiot to hope for it.

Didn't he say he would accept any of her decisions? Even if it meant she didn't want any more contact with him?

Why couldn't he do that now?

It was surprisingly difficult to decide what to do now.

Be happy that she seemed to be well? Accept the rejection? Should he be content with having tried? Or should he not give up yet? Show her that his apology was indeed serious (although he had no idea what else to do without questioning her decision)? What if he gave up too soon? If this were another mistake on his part? But what if she felt pressured by his presence? If she really didn't want him around anymore?

No matter how many times he asked himself these questions, he didn't know the answer.

Sometimes he couldn't help but quietly observe her whenever he saw her on campus. He saw her with - what he assumed - her friends, with the young man who for Elijah's taste kept too little distance from her. Sometimes he also saw her with a blond woman who did not seem to belong to the other group, but with whom she seemed to get along well.

Once, unexpectedly (and unintentionally), their paths had almost crossed and he is sure that she must have noticed him. But there was no realization from her reaction, but it was as if he were air for her, one of many.

Of course, he took this as an opportunity to have doubts again about the whole Katerina / Maisie situation. However, he was sure that Maisie was actually Katerina - even if he still did not know how she had done it. What good is it to question everything again?

He knew only one thing with absolute certainty: he loved this woman and he wanted her to be happy, no matter what that meant for him.

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A/N: And that’s it, I hope you enjoyed it. I personally found the idea of a 'test of courage' for Elijah, which is something common for every normal person, very amusing.

What do you think, will Elijah try again to contact Katherine directly? Or will he keep his distance and withdraw?

Please consider leaving feedback (even if it's just a <3) as it keeps my muse for writing alive. Thank you ♥

[lifechanyuan]

Preface to "The Chapter of the Greatest Creator"

Do you have further questions?

If so, I can address them in this manner. First, I will ask: “What does it mean to lift? If holding a stone with both hands and placing it above one’s head constitutes lifting, then what about this definition?” If not, what does “lifting” mean? If so, suppose the stone is the Earth, and I stand upside down, holding the Earth with both hands. Is the Earth above my head then? You might argue that it isn’t, because the Earth is below my head. Fine! Then, if I move along the Earth’s meridian 360 degrees while performing the same action, the Earth should be above my head at some point, right? No? So, which point in the universe is above us? Which point is below us? You might then argue that even though my hands are holding the Earth and the Earth is above my head, it’s not me lifting it but the Earth’s gravity pulling me. If so, we must first reconsider the meaning of “lifting.” What then is “lifting”?

Regardless of how “lifting” is defined, by changing orientation, I can claim to have “lifted” the Earth. If you agree that I “lifted” the Earth, then I can prove that I did not “lift” it. So, does the question “Can the Greatest Creator create a stone that He cannot lift” hold?

We must seek the Greatest Creator and understand the Greatest Creator; otherwise, we will never grasp the origins of the universe, the origin of LIFE, the past and future of humankind. We will also fail to understand animal instincts and the purpose of life.

I am 46 years old and have worked in over 20 different professions: shepherd, farmer, laborer, Youth League secretary, clerk, Party branch secretary, instructor of a commune cultural propaganda team, fitter, electrician, auto mechanic, middle school teacher, office staff, office director, translator, driver, salesperson, grocery store manager, restaurant purchaser, bar attendant, nightclub manager, fast food manager, and real estate developer. Except for the roles of office director and restaurant purchaser, which I held for only two months each, I have worked in all other positions for more than six months.

What have I gained from working in so many different occupations?

The gain is that a life without faith and without a goal is like a cloud floating aimlessly in the sky, driven by the wind.

A few years ago, a mysterious car accident I experienced personally prompted me to start exploring the meaning of life. What am I living for? For the motherland and the nation? Nonsense! I can’t even solve my own survival problems, yet I talk about the motherland and the nation. For my parents? Definitely not, because if it were for them, I wouldn’t be able to continue living after they passed away. For my partner? That’s absurd! If I didn’t exist, my partner might actually live better. For my children? No, why do people without children still continue to live? My children have established their careers, so why should I keep living? Living not only doesn’t help my children anymore, but it also adds trouble and burden to them. For myself? Ridiculous! I can’t decide my own birth, nor can I decide my own death. If I could choose, I would prefer to have no life, to be a zero. So, who brought me into this world? Am I a random product of my parents’ accidental union? Absolutely not! The universe is governed by laws and rules; everything is inevitable, and there are no purposeless accidental events.

Everything that exists has its own purpose. So, what is the purpose of my existence? I can’t tolerate living such a vague and confused life. Either I die, or I live clearly and transparently. Even if I don’t know where I came from, at least I need to know where I’m going! Otherwise, if I were to suddenly encounter another car accident and die tomorrow, wouldn’t that be an injustice?

Will money help me understand the purpose of life? It seems that no millionaire in the world has ever solved the problem of life’s purpose. If I wait until I am rich, I might not have much energy or time left to figure it out before I die. Besides, money is not something that can be obtained just by wanting it; otherwise, everyone would be billionaires.

Will power help me understand the purpose of life? Throughout history, how many emperors and ministers have appeared, yet which one of them understood the purpose of life? Who among them left us a "Treasury of Classical Advice"?

Will becoming a scientist help me understand the purpose of life? Even greats like Newton, Einstein, and Stephen Hawking didn’t understand the origins of the universe, humanity, or LIFE. Can I, after becoming a scientist, understand more than they did? Moreover, just as I am not naturally gifted with a singer’s voice and cannot become a singer, can I become a scientist? I cannot dream such dreams.

Will becoming some other kind of expert help me understand the purpose of living? Probably not, just like archaeologists and anthropologists who keep changing their theories about human origins. One moment they say humans originated in Europe, then Asia, then Africa, based on a few fossils they’ve uncovered. This kind of theory is unreliable, as they might discover another fossil somewhere and claim humans originated in Antarctica.

Will reading the Bible help me understand the purpose of life? Perhaps I am not gifted, but after reading the Bible for years, I still haven’t had an awakening. Where exactly is the kingdom of the Greatest Creator? Does it already exist, or will it come in the future? If it is in the future, then where and when will it happen? Is "the future" one thousand years, ten thousand years, or a hundred million years? My life is only a few decades! Can my body be resurrected? How is it resurrected? Jesus is god, no doubt about it, but are there other gods who can restrain Jesus? If there are no other gods, why did Jesus have to suffer? Why did almost all of Jesus' disciples die violently? Can't god control his own destiny? As god, why couldn't he protect his few disciples? Why must suffering be the path to future blessings?

I hope that Buddhist scriptures can point me in the right direction!

Buddhism discusses concepts such as past lives, future lives, samsara, karma, and the interplay of causal conditions, all of which are meaningful. But how exactly does karma transform? How should one live to ensure a better future life? Where exactly is the Western Pure Land? What is it like? I haven’t read all the vast Buddhist scriptures, nor do I dare to make rash conclusions. But Buddhism has existed for over two thousand years, and it still can’t make people understand the purpose of life. If life is merely a process of suffering, why did the Greatest Creator create so many beautiful things for humans to enjoy? If the purpose of life is to become a Buddha, then what is a Buddha? How does one become a Buddha? What is the probability of becoming a Buddha? If a thousand people practice Buddhism and only 2-3 people can become Buddhas, wouldn’t the rest have "wasted their life and lost their joy"?

Money, power, and status, scientists and other experts, Christianity, and Buddhism all have their own reasons, but none can make people live clearly and understandably. Moreover, as an ordinary person who can’t even solve the problem of daily meals, how can I have the time to master social sciences, natural sciences, and religion?

Is there a shortcut? Can I bypass gods and human-acquired knowledge and seek the Greatest Creator directly, since only the Greatest Creator knows everything and has the final decision?

Where can I find the Greatest Creator?

Read the "book without words" by observing the sky, the earth, people, and things. Fortunately, I have engaged in over 20 different types of work, experienced many hardships, and, after graduating from high school, attended school three times, living in rural areas, small towns, and big cities. This allows me to connect various phenomena and events for chain thinking, but the result is still rather vague.

Where is the problem?

By chance, I read the Quran and was greatly inspired. The Quran says, “O assembly of jinn and mankind, if you are able to pass beyond the regions of the heavens and the earth, then pass. You will not pass except by authority.”

Yes! How can I escape the "bounds of heaven and earth" without borrowing the authority and help of the Greatest Creator?

How to borrow the help of the Greatest Creator?

Rely on spiritual awareness. Humans are part of the universe; “heaven and humans correspond.” If a small thorn pricks the toe, the brain immediately senses it. If I send a "thought fax" to the Greatest Creator, the Greatest Creator will surely know.

Sure enough, the origins of the universe, LIFE, humanity, and 36-dimensional spaces gradually appeared on the "screen" of my mind. And the issue of fate resolved itself without further explanation.

At this point, I recognized the Greatest Creator, recognized god Jesus, recognized Buddha Shakyamuni, recognized Celestial Ancestor Laozi, recognized humanity, understood the universe, time, space, energy and material, the physical body and the spiritual body, the essence of LIFE, and the purpose of living.

I recognized the Greatest Creator through spiritual awareness, but spiritual awareness can only be understood and cannot be conveyed. To spark interest, I used 40 natural phenomena and 8 logical inferences to forcibly prove the existence of the Greatest Creator and explain the 8 characteristics of the Greatest Creator and the 8 relationships between the Greatest Creator and humanity. Whether you can sense the Greatest Creator depends entirely on your own spiritual awareness and wisdom.

[eabwriting2023]

ANY QUESTIONS - DAY FOUR

As I see you before me with all your smiling faces I bet your wondering “Who is this woman and why is she interrupting the last day of school?” Well, the answer is very simple and I shall tell you in precise detail. I would tell you to lean back in your seats, relax and enjoy my presentation but alas, you are at school, which means and I do not care otherwise you must obey the rules.

I want to see your young, scrumptious faces staring up at me with backs straight as planks of wood with legs and arms by your side. Of course there shall be no interruptions or no questions till the end, hands down at the back there!

We start at the very beginning, a fabulous place to start as you might say. We were all young once, even me would you believe it? All crawling and Scavenging for that sense of belonging. Your parents, how wonderful they are? Taking you in, looking after you all, what do they get in return? Many, many hours of crying and whinging. Life is so unfair!

This is where we start a new chapter of your life. Here. Stuck, day in day out doing the same

laborious activities. Some may call this a prisión, you cannot escape until whoever is in charge lets you, disgusting meals, decor left to be desired, but you would be wrong! Prison is far more cruel and ugly you have it far too easy here!

Somehow you have managed to go through this life just scraping by until we reach today, the big moment in your lives when the gates are opened and you are set free like baby birds falling from cliff tops.

You are finally let out into the big wide world, where life is your oyster! Only, sadly not. Society will always have rules and you will obey unless you really do want to end inside prison…

Some will move onto college, then university where even though you say “I’m free to do what I like.” Is that really true? Classes, and work schedules, hurrying to hand essays in time, is it really that much different from where you are now?

Ah, but some of you sat in front of me are probably thinking, “Once I leave this dump I’m working for myself, I’d rather earn my own money than to keep bowing to the man.”

Yes, at first, everyone seems swell. Freedom and responsibility without voices breathing down your neck… until it does. Unlike now as you ignore your teacher yelling to finish a Maths problem you have company bosses with stern looking faces, macho men and women thinking they’re far too important for the likes of you.

As I look upon you all, I sense fear and uncertainty, panicked eyes with life dying slowly. You probably think that by the end of this little chat I will raise your confidence, everything is going to be okay, your doing great hunny.. that’s what your parents would say, wouldn’t they?

Yet again, you are fooled, your tiny minds cannot comprehend the fact that someone really doesn’t care one tiny bit about you. You are a leach, prying upon its victims for nutrition and you won’t stop until something comes along to end it.

If that is what needs to be done, let me be the one to do it. You have had life far too good, handed to you on silver platters. WAKE UP and smell the chemical roses, take off your hue glasses, Life isn’t far.

As for I, I am you, far from now in the distant future, clinging on for any hope. You could say I was the ghost of future you in a sense…

I have been your future and I hope you all have a fantastic summer thinking about your mortality, Any Questions?

[oflgtfol]

The Human Cosmos is a book that has overall made me very conflicted. The first half or so was mainly just discussing the intersection of astronomy and human history, a really engaging mix of anthropology, religion, politics, history, and astronomy. But as the central thesis of the book began to uncover itself to me, the more conflicted I got.

In the final chapter of the book, Marchant herself clearly states what the thesis is: "This book has followed how, in the Western world at least, we have inexorably removed personal experience from our understanding of the universe." And I think that's an engaging idea of its own right, and in simple terms I do agree as well. There is absolutely something lost when we remove the tangible aspects of astronomy, the actual senses of our own bodies as we stargaze and navigate the world around us, and rely solely on instruments and data. But like, we still need those instruments and data to learn more beyond the limitations of our bodies. And Marchant does make sure to include that qualification, but she seems more like she's conceding rather than actually believing in both things being true. And so something about it just doesn't sit entirely right with me.

The final few chapters in particular she seems to bring up the idea of credulity vs. skepticism (which is so funny since the last book I read was Sagan's The Demon Haunted World which was basically entirely about credulity vs. skepticism, those exact words even), or sometimes phrased as subjectivity vs. objectivity. But she seems to give like, way too much faith in credulity/subjectivity? Something about the tone seems to act like skepticism and objectivity are like, boring, as it takes away the magic of navigating the cosmos through our minds and bodies; or that skepticism is like, mean, because actual scientists believe life exists on Mars but oh these skeptics keep coming up with alternate explanations (which is so. ??? to me. life on Mars is such a bold claim you need steadfast proof to hold up to scrutiny and skepticism, if your evidence can be explained through nonbiological means, then that's not skeptical scientists being mean or anything, it's just being rigorous and diligent?) And one chapter in particular just gave a lot of credence to certain ideas that could lead into actual pseudoscience, which also made me a bit uncomfortable; ie, the idea of the Moon being able to actually affect human beings in significant ways. This idea is one I don't have strong opinions about, as I believe ultimately it's a question for biology and not astronomy, since there are soooo many factors behind the Moon that could potentially cause biophysical effects (are we talking gravity, tides, 30-day cycles, phases, just brightness in general?), but the way Marchant was wording the proponents in Moon-affecting-humans vs. skeptics, just felt like it could veer very well into like, astrology, especially because at one point in a single sentence she said something about how if the Sun, Moon, and the Earth's magnetic field, all can affect life on Earth, then why not the stars (I'm paraphrasing). And whatever, yes, she absolutely is correct in citing all these scientific studies of those celestial bodies and phenomena very much actually affecting biorhythms in multiple species including human beings, but like, there is a huge difference between the things that are huge and visible in our sky and are actually located inside of our solar system, vs. pinpricks of light in the sky that are located trillions upon trillions upon trillions of miles away from us. And to her credit, she doesn't follow through on that line of thought beyond just that one single sentence, but it just dealt a heavy heavy blow of doubt to my ability to give her the benefit of doubt, and it became easier for me to disagree with her about everything else that wasn't sitting entirely right with me this whole time.

I know a part of me being baffled by this is how I just came from The Demon-Haunted world which took such a strong stand against credulity and which I had pretty much zero disagreements with at any point throughout the book (pretty much the entire experience was just staring at each page and shouting "yes! you get it!") so I am trying to keep an open mind and accept other viewpoints to this as well, but also I am just really stuck on the weird tone to these last few chapters.

And now, here in the final chapter, Marchant moves away from the credulity vs. skepticism concept again and moves back into the main thesis, the removal of personal experience from scientific missions. Which again, I agree with that, that there's something lost in doing so, but also again, something in her tone made me uncomfortable with fully agreeing with her, and it finally set off the alarm with this passage:

"Until a few years ago, scientists ignored [the] more human side of stargazing, preferring to leave such musings for artists and poets to explore. Now, though, they are fasting realizing that far from being merely aesthetic, direct contact with the cosmos can have profound, practical effects for our mental health, and how we choose to live."

It just does not sit right with me that she is presenting science as this cold, sterile, inhuman and unlively thing that we indulge in our quest for Cold Hard Knowledge, and how she presents it almost as the opposite of emotions and human connection! The idea of advances in technology having led to modern science, particularly astronomy, becoming estranged from the lived human experience due to the reliance on instruments, tools, and institutions to do research, rather than your own hands, eyes, and backyard - that is an intriguing idea, and one that I definitely agree with and love to ponder! It's something that I grappled with as well in my own life and my own path in astronomy, how I fell in love with a certain idea of astronomy which conflicted with my experience as a college student.

But god damn if astronomers don't also love the work they do? I find it kind of insulting to insist otherwise?! As if astronomers themselves aren't the ones hosting dark sky parties for lay people to look through their giant telescopes, because astronomers themselves know the human importance of seeing these celestial objects with your human eye? "Scientists ignored the more human side of stargazing" as if stargazing, in and of itself, no matter what side of it you look at, isn't intrinsically human? As if astronomers aren't the absolute nerds we are and constantly trying to get lay people to stargaze with us? As if astronomers aren't the people championing for an annual dark sky night despite the insistence of everyone else that oh we can't possibly shut our fucking lights off at night. Every time I get home from work after sunset, my mom asks me why it took so long for me to get to the front door after she heard the sound of my car door closing, and it's always because I had glanced up at the sky and gotten stuck there for five minutes just looking up at the stars. The last time I was outside at night with my parents with me I pointed out the Summer Triangle to them and was explaining the three star names and the constellations they're inside of.

Sorry I'm just utterly baffled at the idea of astronomers being uncaring over the loss of dark skies across the world, of astronomers just shrugging their shoulders and saying "ugh, whatever, we got other telescopes we can use instead, who cares" (in my experience, the only people who act like that are the "space nerds" on the internet who are not actually involved in the field in any official capacity). And I'm baffled at the idea of scientists not being utterly enamored with the night sky and the very subject we dedicate our lives to, that like what, with the modern development of advanced technology and instrumentation that also alienates us from the night sky, that also means we ourselves become increasingly sterile, cold, uncaring, boring, on a personal level? That there's some sort of fundamental contrast between science and humanity, as if science isn't an intrinsically human endeavor in and of itself?

Yes, there's something to be said about this alienation that comes about with the reliance on machines and institutions, rather than your own personal senses and experiences, and I personally believe (as well as like, any sane astronomer otherwise) that science, and astronomy in particular, needs to have a balance of both to hit the sweet spot (personal experience, to feel the true passion and heart behind why we do what we do, to really fall in love with what you study; instrumentation, to learn of the things that exist beyond our limited, human senses), but to try to pin the blame on the scientists themselves is just a bit mean-spirited, and well, honestly, bad faith to me, as well, considering the earlier credulity vs. skepticism and subjective vs. objective arguments brought up earlier in the book. Skepticism and objectivity is necessary in science and I really don't give a fuck what you think, and no, that does not make science cold, sterile, inhuman - that makes science science, and it's what helps us separate the truth from misconceptions, and giving any sort of lenience to credulity and subjectivity beyond just the idea of "emotions can and should go hand in hand with logic and reason, because the two are not mutually exclusive, because human beings contain multitudes" honestly also gives lenience to pseudoscientific ideas like astrology, or "UFOlogy" or whatever else. And in an increasingly anti-intellectual, anti-science world, I'm finding that I have less and less tolerance for this kind of indulgence, which is why I'm annoyed enough to be sitting here writing an entire essay about this lol

[bigskydreaming]

Okay, so you know “Justice League meets Batman’s kids, who they’d previously been unaware existed” AUs?

So picture that.....but this time, instead of them just having no knowledge of any of these other Gotham vigilantes at all....the Batkids all migrate to various cities as they get older and become known as their protectors - Dick in Bludhaven, Tim in San Francisco, Cass in Hong Kong, etc....

Meaning they’re all established figures, the Justice League are aware of them as solo local heroes who stick to their cities and so they just don’t interact with them much if at all, or else some are members of team lineups but are particularly vague about their histories or life outside of the team’s adventures....

So the big reveal isn’t that they become aware of all these other Gotham vigilantes all at once....its that some big conflict or whatever requires a huge team up of all available heroes, and in the aftermath, they figure out that like.....despite being known as solo heroes who work alone or loners outside of their team settings, 80% of these heroes all not only seem to already know each other, they seem to be related.

And so naturally they all turn to Batman, who has profiles on every known hero and they thus figure had researched these individuals too and just never mentioned this little detail, and they’re like, “Did you know about this?”

And then Nightwing turns to him too, arms crossed and is like, “Yeah Dad, did you know about this?”

And the infamous Red Hood is all: “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I have never met any of these people before in my life. Lives? Whatever.”

And then Red Robin moodily grates out “I have no siblings.” Since he’s nursing a grudge since Dick and Jason broke into his apartment the night before and replaced all his custom Red Robin gear with Darkwing Duck merchandise and his vengeance will be swift and also totally disproportionate because things escalate quickly in this family, that’s true in every universe.

Cass meanwhile has deftly skewered Jason’s lie by walking over to him and brazenly patting down the man with many many guns with no fear whatsoever. He squawks and futilely attempts to bat her hands away as she riffles through his many pockets, but he doesn’t seem shocked, just annoyed. Eventually, she pulls away and triumphantly reveals a box of Hello Kitty themed band-aids.

“So these are yours then? Just for you?” Black Bat asks smugly. Red Hood squints at the box.

“What the fuck? How long have those been in my jacket? Why are those in my jacket? Did you freaking plant them in my jacket just on the offchance you could at some point in the distant future use them at my expense?”

Black Bat frowns, puzzled. “Yes?”

“Oh come on, Dead Hood,” Spoiler says with an exaggerated toss of her head meant to convey she’s rolling her eyes beneath her own mask. She skips her way across the room to Black Bat and then drapes herself languidly all over the smaller woman. Who in turn doesn’t so much as twitch beneath the sudden added mass as Spoiler holds out her hand towards the box of band-aids. 

“One please. I have a boo-boo,” she says with easy familiarity straight into the intimidating cowl of Black Bat. Only then does she deign to finish her train of thought with Red Hood.

“I mean seriously, are you saying you don’t have potential blackmail set-ups, pre-rigged releases of incriminating material, and a random assortment of traps, pratfalls and mortifying scenarios in place for the express purpose of being able to humiliate any and all of your siblings at any given moment, without any need for additional prep time?”

“Is this true, Little Wing?” Nightwing whirls on the larger Red Hood with a faux-scandalized gasp. The founder and leader of the Titans, formerly the Teen Titans, renowned for his stratagems and calm competence when directing squads of supers in the heat of battle while he keeps pace with nothing more than naturally acquired acrobatics and a utility belt that apparently uses the same technology as Wonder Woman’s invisible jet....now appears to be....staggering with the back of his hand pressed to his forehead, moaning about how he felt....faint? 

What is happening right now, several dozen superheroes want to know. Is this a drill? Are they supposed to be checking for signs of a mental ambush from undetected psychic saboteurs? Did they all hit their heads at the exact same time and are now experiencing some kind of shared mass concussion?

Look, that wouldn’t be the weirdest thing to ever happen on the Watchtower. 

“Have I failed you so utterly?” The veteran child hero bemoans with a dramatic twirl - that when contrasted with his stern demeanor of a mere ten minutes ago - makes the fears of telepathic infiltration seem less paranoia and more....concerningly probable. “Did you learn nothing from me? Did you learn nothing from B?”

He stops and jabs a finger up at the sky. “Quick, everyone! What is the very first rule of Living While Batty?”

As if by rote, over a half a dozen voices chime in from all over the room, causing various heroes to jump. Spooked by yet more and more vigilantes joining in some kind of mass recitation like they and they alone have some kind of clue what the hell is going on and everyone else just hadn’t been invited to the party. Which is just rude, honestly. Nobody likes feeling like they weren’t invited to the party. Not even superheroes. 

“If you’re not going to bother preparing for every possible contingency and at least six impossible ones, you might as well just stay in bed.”

Even the Red Hood joins in the Illuminati chant or Cub Scout pledge or demonic ritual or whatever the fuck that just was, though his slumped and exasperated posture gives away every hint of sulkiness his headgear otherwise would have kept safely hidden. He’s surprisingly more...expressive, than most who’d only known of him by reputation had expected him to be. The day continues to yield surprises.

“Of fucking course I do,” he growls out, snatching the box from Black Bat. She doesn’t even fight to hold onto it, just lets it go with a knowing smirk. “I wasn’t surprised by the idea of it, I was just surprised she bothered with such a weak effort. Like yeah whatever, actually those could be mine. I use those all the time at home. So what?”

He aggressively yanks one of the band-aids out of the box, fumbles with the peel-off strips with one hand and he roughly rolls up the sleeve of his jacket with the other. Then just slaps it on his forearm and raises said appendage high, showing it off this way and that. “See?”

“Oh yeah, for sure,” Signal drawls from the other side of the room, nodding his head approvingly. “Totally convincing. Nice job walking that one back, you really showed them.”

Red Hood’s head snaps in his direction with ominous intent. “Watch it, Day-Glo.”

Signal just snorts.

“Yeah, like I’m gonna take constructive criticism on my name and costume from a dude who’s spent the last several years calling himself Red HOOD while running around in a freaking HELMET.”

“Its not meant to be literal, you fucking pedant.”

“So wait, its not literally a helmet? Huh, does it at least protect your head literally, or just like...symbolically? Like if Bane were to clock you across the head, would your concussion just be a metaphor? What’s the treatment protocol for a metaphorical concussion? Fluids, bedrest and a philosophical prescription of two chapters of Chicken Soup for the Soul as needed?”

“Laugh it up, KC and the Sunshine Band,” Red Hood bats back. “You just got yourself disinvited from Thursday night’s poker game.”

Signal just grins and folds his arms over his chest cockily. “Please. You’ve been looking for an excuse to ban me for weeks, cuz you know until you can prove I’m using my ghost vision to cheat, you can’t actually bring suit against me for it in Family Court.”

“That, and also Family Court isn’t a real thing, you toddler. Stop validating Wing-a-ding-ding’s obsession with Shitty TV Nostalgia and just call it that thing where Oracle traps us all in a room until we settle our latest fight without anyone getting stabbed.”

“Yeah, but like, say that five times fast,” Spoiler pipes up. “Its just not practical. Family Court’s way easier.”

“Says the one who’s not even in our fucking family.”

“And yet I grace you all with my sublime presence anyway,” she blows a kiss at him, beatifically unbothered. “You’re welcome.”

The Red Hood scoffs and rounds on his heel, zeroing in on Batwoman in the far corner.

“Hey Auntie B, my siblings are all dead to me and I just helped stop an alien invasion so I deserve nice things like a fun Saturday night. Can you get me into Dad’s fundraiser so I can crash it? He won’t put me back on the list until I promise not to bring any C-4 with me and I won’t promise not to bring any C-4 because he should just trust me that I won’t when I say I’m not gonna and he won’t trust me that I won’t until I admit I shouldn’t have brought any to that sting last month where three tiny little yachts blew up through barely any fault of my own, and I’m just not gonna do that ever because I have convictions and I feel I shouldn’t have to be punished for that. Y’know?”

Batwoman blinks at him. “Kid, I’m not gonna lie to you. You’re my nephew and I love you, but I stopped listening three seconds into all that.”

“Ugh, fine. Can you help me crash Dad’s event tonight so I can teach him a lesson about why he should just trust me not to make a scene so I don’t have to always make a scene to make a point.”

“Tempting as you make that sound,” she says wryly, “I have a strict policy for dealing with you lot and your......everything. I only worry about tolerating one of you at a time, and there’s seven of you, and seven days in the week. You each get your own. You know perfectly well its Robin’s day today. You get me on Tuesday, just like always.”

“Auntie B, we’re not like other families, are we?” Red Robin’s delivery is sarcastically childish and his question clearly rhetorical. Most of his attention is fixated on whatever it is he’s doing with his wrist-mounted computer. 

“No sweetie, we’re all severely fucked in the head and a little bit too comfortable with that.”

“Just checking. Oh hey, Hood, I just emailed you a patch for the hole in your firewall I exploited when replacing all my shit using your accounts just now.”

“You did what?”

“Used your accounts to pay to replace all my stuff that you fucked with last night?” Red Robin says slowly. “Did you not realize that I’ve been sticking within ten feet of you for the past five minutes just so I could clone your devices and do all that while BB and Spoiler kept you distracted? I gotta say, bro, I feel like that’s on you then.”

Red Hood swivels his helmeted head in the direction of the aforementioned two. Black Bat waves. Spoiler shoots him an utterly unrepentant thumbs up.

“You’d side with your ex over me? That’s what its come to?”

“My only allegiance is to chaos,” Spoiler says brightly. Black Bat shrugs.

“Plus he bribes better.”

“Hateful,” Red Hood points at Black Bat, moving on to level the same finger at Spoiler, who curtsies in acknowledgment: “Hateful-er.”

Then the finger rounds the bases to aim judgmentally at Red Robin. “Hateful-est. And that was all Nightwing’s idea anyway, not mine.”

“Oh, I assumed as much,” he says casually. “Your idea of a prank tends to have more of a Carrie vibe. Or be a literal literary reenactment.”

“Its called an homage, 4chan.”

“Whatever, plagiarist. And anyway, I couldn’t go after ‘Wing for payback on this one. He used an Immunity card. If you didn’t want me getting back at you, you should have used one too."

Red Hood looms aggressively. Red Robin ignores willfully. Round and round they go. Superheroes who can survive excessive G-Forces are getting dizzy just watching them have a largely motionless stand-off. That shouldn’t be how that works, but whatever. All the most infamously reclusive and isolated heroes in all hero-dom are apparently part of the same one big reclusive and isolated family of fucked up weirdos and they’re all officially bonkers. Nothing makes sense anymore. Reality broke. Try another stall.

“Okay, but see, in order to have an Immunity card, I would have to participate in one of you losers’ stupid Immunity challenges,” the Red Hood drags out with exaggerated patience. “And I’m just not going to do that, on account of those all being fucking stupid. You see the problem there?”

Red Robin just shrugs. “I don’t know what to tell you, bro. You can have principles or you can have an Immunity card. You can’t have both.”

Meanwhile, on another side of....the same room.....look, its like, an octagonal room, probably. It has a lot of sides. Robin fends off questions from an aggrieved looking Superboy.

“You never told me you had a bajillion brothers and sisters!”

“Yes but I never said I didn’t either.”

Superboy rolls his eyes. “Oh yeah, so I should just assume everyone I meet has a bajillion secret brothers and sisters?”

“Well clearly it would have worked out in your favor in this instance if you had, now wouldn’t it?”

“Assuming of course that you can trust what has been said or implied here today and I am actually related to any of those numbskulls. Which I am not actually admitting to,” Robin tacks on hastily.

Superboy eyes him dubiously. “You joined in the same creepy chant all the others did and then got super self-conscious and looked around to see if anyone had noticed. Which uh. I did.”

“First off, your interpretation of body language is abyssmal. I do not get self-conscious,” Robin says with a delivery that probably could have benefited from being a little less self-conscious. “And second....that proves nothing. I guessed what they were going to say.”

“Word for word,” Superboy says super-skeptically.

“I’m very good at guessing things. You know this.”

“Okay. Guess how much I believe you right now then.”

Robin glares and folds his arms grumpily across his chest. 

“And what was that anyway? Was that like....you guys’ family motto or something like that?”

“Oh no,” Spoiler pipes up. “That’s much shorter.”

Superboy balks at that. “Wait, you guys actually have one of those for real?”

“Yup,” Steph says, counting out the words with her fingers. “He who laughs last....probably works for the Joker. So tranq him just to be safe. See? Only sixteen words. The first rule of Living While Batty is way longer, and what we said was just the abridged version. You should hear the original, before Black Bat put her foot down and refused to memorize it unless sizable edits were made.”

Superboy hovers between her and Robin now, both in mid-air and on the verge of taking Spoiler’s words as an invitation to hear just that. A low growl arises from Robin’s direction.

“Must you?” He asks the older vigilante, with a most put upon expression.

She looks at him pityingly. “Do you actually need me to answer that? Like, we’ve met, right? Hi, I’m Spoiler.”

“Wait, so Robin said that I just never specifically asked him if he had a bajillion brothers and sisters, and that’s why he didn’t tell me, so that means he wouldn’t have just lied and there’s not some code of secrecy that flat out forbids telling other people stuff, right?” Superboy realizes excitedly.

“Yes, excellent direction. Go on,” Spoiler says, steepling her fingers. Robin buries his face in the palm of one hand.

“Soooo, what other stuff could you tell me about Robin’s super top secret family that I wouldn’t think to ask about but that he would tell me about if I knew what questions to ask?”

She claps once, lightly but with emphasis. “Well done. You’ve passed the first barrier. Untold secrets await you behind just a few more.”

“I’ll get you for this,” Robin vows calmly. She waves a hand at him.

“Yeah, yeah. Just make sure you do it before January 1st, remember? You’ve promised retribution like ten times already this year and those don’t roll over, y’know. Rules are rules.”

“Enough!” Thunders a voice then, from the front of the room. Well one of the fronts anyway. Like sides, it has a lot of them, but this is the one where Batman’s standing. All eyes snap to him. Which is kinda just what eyes do when Batman says stuff like that. Its like his superpower, except he doesn’t actually have superpowers, which is what makes it scary. But where the snapping of the eyes (directional) is usually followed by Batman saying something else besides just “hey look at me,” here he pauses in the wake of his own call to attention’s waning reverberations. Uncharacteristically silent.

Not that, y’know, he’s normally Mr. Talkity Talk, but usually his silences feel like he has the words to fill them, he’s just withholding them. This though, this feels more like he doesn’t have any words at all. And he’s as confused by it as any of them, and most everyone else is confused by Batman being confused, and its this whole trickle down economy of confusion and its wrecking havoc on the value of the golden silence standard.

Of course, not everyone present is rendered spellbound with confusion.

“C’mon B,” Nightwing cajoles, leaning forward and practically radiating delight. “I think you know what you have to do now. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Its not likely to come around again.”

Red Hood snickers beneath his helmet and chimes in. “Yeah Pops, go ahead. You do this and you’ll actually have my respect for a whole twenty four hours. No, wait. Sixteen. No! Eight. Yeah, eight. Still a good deal.”

“Carpe diem, B,” Red Robin grins, leaning back as if to enjoy the show.

“Hey! Infringe on my trademark one more time, dude,” Signal throws a faux-glare at the former. Red Robin just quirks an eyebrow.

“And what, you’ll start saying Yum every time you eat a burger? Oh no. I’m hoist by my own petard.”

Signal flips him off with a grin and then redirects his attention back to Batman. “Yeah seriously though B, you kinda gotta do it now. Because if you don’t do it, then you’ll forever be the guy who didn’t do it, and you don’t want to be that guy, do you?”

“Yeah you really don’t want to be that guy,” Spoiler shouts out. “Nobody likes that guy. He’s the worst.”

“Do it, do it,” Black Bat starts chanting beside her, steadily picking up speed and volume. Several others start joining in. Even Robin appears to be slightly anticipatory, albeit trying very hard to hide it.

Batman sighs, and somehow everyone manages to hear it. Stills. Waits for....something? Nobody but them seems to have any clue what, but the air is thick and heavy with portentiousness. Something is about to happen, and all most of the heroes present could say for sure is it was something they never would have in a million years seen coming.

Finally, Batman straightens with the resigned air of a man about to have oh so many regrets. He crosses his arms, shakes his head, and in an absolute deadpan monotone, says:

“You are awful children. You know you’re killing me. You’re killing your father.”