#which means that even when the resources are there nobody can actually find them without having to navigate a web of referrals and digging

[clash-of-moonbeams]

I think “Mastermind” could have been a stronger episode if the trial focused on the fact that Stolas’ incompetence has led to humans discovering the existence of Heaven and Hell.

In the past, there have been alluded to consequences about I.M.P creating a commotion up top and not being careful, so why not have that finally come back to bite everyone in “Mastermind”? But, what do I mean by saying it’s the fault of Stolas, you may ask? After all, it was I.M.P who did their business without being properly careful, right?

That’s still technically on Stolas.

Alright, consider the other two times we see Hell-born doing a job up top, that being Barbie-Wire and the succubi. Both parties not only had a way to get there, but a human disguise as well. Presumably, Barbie-Wire and the succubi were given both Asmodean crystals and human disguised by their employers, because you know they’re supposed to be discreet and all. We could also assume they all got some form of training on how to act, too. Why am I bringing this up though?

It’s because Stolas irresponsibly let I.M.P have access to the living world without training or human disguises!

A high-ranking Goetia prince gave access to his grimoire, and that was all he did, presumably with an assumption they would be careful. And then in the D.H.O.R.K.S episode, he just leaves the two head agents alive! Two humans who have knowledge about Hell being a thing are just hand-waved away by him, simply stating that nobody would believe them. No wiping their minds or anything, they’re just left there!

Which comes back to bite everyone because those two had actual evidence that was believed, and now they’re working to open a portal to Hell. Even after that episode and “Seeing Stars”, Stolas doesn’t give them human disguises, even after Blitzø had asked about getting some earlier.

Tl;Dr of it all is that Stolas is responsible for I.M.P’s actions up top and them not being properly careful. Mostly because he didn’t give them the resources needed other than the book.

Ok, but how would Andrealphus know all about this?

That…actually comes with a bit of a rewrite. So imagine if Andrealphus, after Stella won’t get anything from the divorce, sends out an imp to spy and regularly report back to him about Stolas (and eventually I.M.P’s) actions through one of his tail feathers. In this rewrite, Andrealphus has the ability to see things through his tail feathers, making the fact that he’s a peacock matter in the narrative.

So through his spy (sent after the events of “Western Energy”) Andrealphus learns that Stolas gave the grimoire away to be used. But not only that, the spy sees the fight with the cherubs, as well as them leaving via portal that doesn’t look like a standard one used often in Hell, and it doesn’t look like something Heaven would use either. So the spy brings back their findings, which Andrealphus brings to the Sins. An investigation is then launched (presumably during the time period between “Apology Tour” and “Ghostf**kers”), and a lot of damning evidence is found by the agents that were sent (presumably by Satan).

So, that’s when the trial is set up, and both I.M.P and Stolas are brought in. Several things are properly brought to light, Stolas is found guilty (but I.M.P got off scott-free, a rarity in Hell), and he’s striped of his title, legions, everything. Satan states that it’s a fitting punishment, since he can’t be trusted with his former position and the responsibility that vmcomes with it. And Octavia’s still 17, so Andrealphus temporarily serves as a regent until the day of her 18th birthday. Meanwhile, the Sins go to talk about just how bad the damage is, and what they can do to fix it.

Maybe one of them suggests bringing Lucifer in, but that’s shot down by Satan, alluding to how Lucifer hasn’t gotten involved in the state of affairs in Hell for a while now.

…So that’s my vague idea for a rewrite that I think makes a better episode. What do y’all think?

[gyarustarrr]

LORE LORE LORE!!!🗣️🗣️🗣️ (This is super long and my English is horrible for a native speaker so bear w me)

ILL BE REAL I DIDNT PUT MUCH THOUGHT INTO A REASONABLE BACK STORY but bcuz shes a self insert i had to make a mention for my bestie who can EASILY be in the pressure universe fr <3

Pre-lockdown: I think itd be unique that if Sebastian was used to give humans gills then Phanny can be used to find immortality cuz who doesnt love when a corrupt corporate entity tries to find the cure for death, happens all the time lol. I say for the important parts shes fused with an immortal jellyfish, my favorite jelly which im extreme jelly of 😼😼😼😼, and i would say that its possible that she could live forever IN THEORY with the dna of that jelly but that would have to be tested lmaooo.

I believe because shes also able bodied (mostly) she would be given similar jobs as Sebastian so shes not depressed, rotting, or lashing out. Not sure if they'd work together but she's observant and being a psychologist, she def psychoanalyzing the hell outta everybody in the facility out of boredom. She seems happy but ofc its a coping mech to make the best out of the absolute horrors around her, still emotional unstable and freaks tf out frequently. Once Sebastian frees everybody, she's free to roam and sees what Sebastian is doing. She asks to assist him in his goal but she only plays a part once Seb handles BIDNESS on land during lockdown. Post lockdown she scavenges for data and whatever here and there but shes mostly left alone or out of most of his operation, yk,,,working with Mr Lopee and all. She really tries to get close with Sebastian (despite emphasizing hes a married man, YEAH SURE BUDDY YOU'RE LIKE 32, WHATEVER MAKES U FEEL BETTER💀) and being the drama fiend i am, i think having a "moment of weakness" would lead to their complex semi romantic possibly toxic dynamic.

Fight: And as i did my research its highly debatable if Sebastian is telling pAInter the truth about getting them both out. Phanny would believe this without question cuz if he can make a plan and has all these skills and resources, he should be able to take everyone (this also includes other peoples inserts and ocs who are experiments because it makes the setting more lively and interesting). I even thought of a cool ass line my homie thought was cold asf for argument dialogue between Phanny and Seb about taking everyone back up to the surface.

Just to summarize: Phanny mentions how noble Seb is after making progress with his escape plan, assuming that he'll take at least as many people as possible including Phanny. Sebastian at this point is already trying to push her away post weakness moment and he know damn well he's just doing this for himself and never accounted to leave w/ a whole damn facility of sentient experiments. He just wanna see his mom again and hes already working in private with Mr Lopee i mean this is a one man escape plan. This ofc shatters Phanny cuz from what hes saying, nobody and he mean NOBODY is getting out of here with him. Hes not a savior and hes not responsible for people he dont even know or fuck with like tf?? And Phannys like OKAY? Nobody's asking you to be JESUS but can you at least be Moses?? Free us so we can all get justice! Explain why you can't take a handful and come back once u take this damn company down?? What about your promise to pAInter? To ME.

Ofc it ends in a big brawl, think Mark getting his shit rocked by his own dad (Omniman from invincible) and they just have this heartbreaking dialogue and they split ways.

Post fight + breakdown: After this, Phanny is basically losing it. I even have a vision for this if it was actually in game and she was an actual character with weight to the gameplay. Like crying and wailing in the vents and pipes, shit breaking, Phanny not being seen for a majority of the game until shes physically stopping u from going through doors and rushing the player. Not to kill them, she loves the expendables and protects them but if she really has to if it means Sebastian can get out/she gets to see another day then...

Plus i drew what that would look like in my last post where shes just standing in the dark in the corner blocking the door. Even if shes not blocking the door she's obviously going through something and can't be interacted with, she just follows the player with her eyes and breathes heavily. If its not that then shes crying by the the water and interacting with her gets the player a DEVIOUS side eye or no response.

Pre-breakdown + if she were actually in the game: I can't really explain why she would help the expendables WITHOUT knowing removing the crystal will indirectly end their lives, i actually havent evaluated that yet but shes friendly to expendables, takes free trade in exchange for shiny objects, and can be seen hanging out with or talking to Sebastian, or passing by in the water/halls. She's capable of killing the player entirely by accident due to her tentacles hanging from the ceiling which she chills in and dying to her makes her scream or apologize (before Sebastian says something snarky) since shes strictly against killing and never willing.

Announcing ur presence helps her know shes in the way. Typical interactive npc shenanigans. Maybe even saving expendables from certain attacks but these are rare interactions in the game. She's overall friendly and if she were real, she'd prolly be a fandom fave (ofc not on Sebastian's level, LETS BE HUMBLE YALL😭) because shes so polite and her tragedy comes near the end where the player isnt even aware of how she became hostile in just a few hours of the run. Her story would hardly happen in game and itd be one of those things a creator would have to mention outside of their game for fans to know abt yk?

Its typical for creators to just drop the craziest lore ever about a character but they're purposefully vague or literally like oh yeah time constraints so we scrapped it lol.

ALRIGHTY CLASS, ANY QUESTIONS? (typing this on my phone was so crazy guys ik its a lot but trust me its DECENT lore </3

[mllemaenad]

Not that you are by any means the worst offender in this regard, but it rubs me ghe wrong way how much leniency the NCR gets when it comes to considering the effects of their actions, and perhaps more importantly, their intentions.

Groups like Caesar's Legion, The Brotherhood of Steel, House's factions, The Unity, The Enclave, and The Institute are treated as villains if anyone is even indireehurt because of them.

If two human surface-dwellers kill each other in Diamond City, people blame the Institute.

If the White Legs emulate Twisted Hair cultural traditions without fully understanding them, Ulysses blames the Legion.

And yet... the NCR is treated by fans as well-intentioned and good-natured despite the harm they cause. The situation in Nipton was the fault of the NCR. Its corrupt Mayor was from the NCR. The Powder Gangers were only in the Mojave because the NCR moved them there.

Vulpes set up his lottery (not that I'm saying it was a perfect solution) to address a problem that had gotten out of hand, a problem downstream of the NCR... and yet most fan discussions blame the Legion for what happened in Nipton.

ThevNCR seems to get a pass because people see their goals as noble... but their goals are to recreate the exact conditions that caused the Great War!

We see the exact same phenomena in pre-war terminals as we do in contemporary NCR. A government more obsessed with maintaining its own power than solving problems, a corrupt justice system that favours the wealthy, an obsession with democracy that makes decisions slow and bureaucratic, and a rapacious desire for resources that leads to expansion and conflict eith other factions.

Why is Caesar condemned for his ego, and his shortsigtedness, but Kimball is not?

Why is Roger Maxon blamed for creating an organisation that has hurt people, but not Aradesh?

Why is Justin Ayo blamed for his secrecy and lack of trust, but not Colonel Moore?

It's a double-standard. Others are blamed for trying something new, the NCR gets carte blanch to repeat old mistakes!

Hi, anonymous person.

So ... I've read this, and I've read it again, and again after that and ... I'm a little puzzled about what's bothering you. The NCR is broadly attempting to feed, clothe and house hundreds of thousands of people ... and fans tend to give them a little more leeway when they fuck up than they do, say, the Enclave, which is a fascist organisation bent on global genocide and this is ... bad?

Honestly not really seeing the problem there.

I've barely written anything about the NCR, and certainly not in depth character profiles of the people you bring up, so I'm not completely sure why this is directed at me. If you're saying that there are fans who refuse to acknowledge that the NCR has flaws ... well, I haven't met those people, but if you look for an opinion on the internet you'll probably find it, so I'm not going to try to claim they don't exist. I've seen people claim women don't play Fallout, which is kind of a problem, from where I'm sitting. :)

But. Well, okay.

It's a double-standard. Others are blamed for trying something new, the NCR gets carte blanch to repeat old mistakes!

Nobody's trying anything new. That's kind of the point here. War never changes. Just to do the main antagonists ...

Richard Grey/The Master is just doing eugenics with a sci-fi twist. He's going to forcibly convert everyone who can be into a super mutant, and prevent any remaining humans from breeding. One of the ways to beat him is to tell him that his "master race" is sterile. It's a horrifying plan.

The Enclave are American fascists. They believe that only their people are truly human and that everyone else should literally die.

Edward Sallow/Caesar is ... I mean he's just cosplaying as Caius Julius Caesar because he thinks it looks cool. That's an actual human being who lived, and who quite famously got stabbed to death. More historical precedent than you could shake a gladius at. Sallow got over excited when he read Caesar's Commentaries and decided he wanted to be Caesar. Presenting "doing ancient Rome" as new is ... certainly something, and particularly hilarious as a plan for a civilisation given the decades long clusterfuck that was the fall of the Roman Republic, plus fun subsequent imperial followups like "the year of the four emperors".

The Institute has just reintroduced slavery, only this time let's 3D print the people instead of abducting them so literally no one will care what we do to them! They also lean into the idea that they are the only real people, although they are not quite as committed to this as the Enclave.

What's new and exciting here that I should be willing to give a try? They're all old ideas, and ideas that seem to involve a lot of genocide, enslavement and general misery for anybody who isn't part of a specific in group.

Vulpes set up his lottery (not that I'm saying it was a perfect solution) to address a problem that had gotten out of hand, a problem downstream of the NCR… and yet most fan discussions blame the Legion for what happened in Nipton.

I ... what? Yeah, I'm going to disappoint you here. The massacre at Nipton was the Legion's fault because they were the ones who walked in there and, you know, massacred people. Mayor Steyn was absolutely engaging in a round of "play stupid games, win stupid prizes" and if anybody tries to argue that he was competent I will dispute that wholeheartedly. But there was only a massacre because the Legion actively set one up.

There's political corruption in Nipton, but the problem of the Legion is that they think a lottery that decides who gets beheaded, who gets crucified and who gets sold into slavery is some sort of solution to that problem, rather than an atrocity. That's why they're still the bad karma choice, even if the NCR is kind of fucking things up.

Also ... ha. I promise you imitating ancient Rome is not going to solve your political corruption problems. I mean ... I know Vulpes Inculta makes his little speech, but Rome never did solve the problem of profiteering governors and corrupt politicians. This is not a problem that is going to miraculously disappear under Legion rule. And the idea of Rome somehow getting rid of prostitution is just ... Honestly, Caesar's Legion would be hilarious if you didn't have to have these conversations standing next to people dying on crosses.

If two human surface-dwellers kill each other in Diamond City, people blame the Institute.

... Diamond City is run by the Institute, under the synth-replacement of Mayor McDonough. The leadership actively plays up the paranoia in the city by refusing to investigate disappearances. The particular scene you are describing is paired with one that occurs in Goodneighbor, where the neighborhood watch is able to accurately identify a synth infiltrator – because they are not Institute run.

It's also a feature of gameplay that an inhabitant of one of your settlements may be a synth infiltrator and become hostile to the other settlers. So I'm pretty sure people are blaming the Institute for things they're doing.

If the White Legs emulate Twisted Hair cultural traditions without fully understanding them, Ulysses blames the Legion.

... The Legion massacred Ulysses' people. They enslaved some and crucified the rest along the roadside, like Spartacus's army of old. That's why he's the only one left who understands what the braids mean. His reaction is somewhat unfair to the White Legs, yes, who had no way of knowing what they were doing was wrong ... but I can't see why blaming the Legion would be a problem. They did, in fact, exterminate his people.

ThevNCR seems to get a pass because people see their goals as noble… but their goals are to recreate the exact conditions that caused the Great War!

There's a line I like, that Deacon says in Fallout 4.

I never really much cared for the Minutemen. The idea sounds great. But you give small men big power and sometimes you'll pay for it. –Fallout 4, Deacon Miscellaneous Dialogue

In the context of Fallout 4, the Minutemen are the scrappy underdogs you root for. They're helping to rebuild the shattered settlements of the Commonwealth and they're a potential source of resistance against the Institute. But if you talk to Preston, you get hints of the politics and infighting that brought them down the first time. There's no reason that couldn't happen again. They could become a controlling and exploitative organisation.

Do I think that means you shouldn't work with them? No, of course not. You deal with the situation in front of you. You try to support the people who aim to make life better for everyone.

If we roll back around to the Commonwealth in Fallout 8 or something (assuming I haven't died of old age by then) and the Minutemen have become a military dictatorship ruling the people with an iron fist ... well, we go deal with the fucking Minutemen then.

Deacon's right about the threat, but if you don't take the chance on trusting people, you never build anything.

It's a thing in Fallout. War never changes. There are some truly evil, terrible ideas that turn up again and again and need to be slapped down. But there is no perfect Utopia on the other side of it. There are just communities banding together to try and make it work. What stops them from going bad? Nothing. It can always happen. You make the best choices you can in every story, given what you have to work with.

Or you do an evil playthrough. Your choice. Not my business.

The NCR is supposed to hurt. Watching them fail is supposed to hurt. It's no good if it doesn't hurt. No one cries when you blow up the Enclave. That's a job well done. You can't say good things about them.

The point of the NCR is that you can. They have some runs on the board! Democracy! Agriculture! Education! You want them to make it work. And yeah, it lets you ask much more interesting questions like: how many fuck ups do we let slide?

We don't need the Enclave, or the Legion, to fuck up to know they're bad news. Their goals are bad. We want them gone. But with the NCR ... how much bad are we okay with, to keep the good?

You haven't given me any examples to work with, so I can't reasonably speak to what fans say. But I don't think the games give them any sort of uncritical pass. Fallout New Vegas is ... absolutely about the problems of colonialism and aggressive expansionism. It's very clear that the NCR has not made good choices recently. The game gives you a lot of room to figure out what you want to do about that, and no answer is perfect.

It's only with regard to the Legion specifically that it's an obviously moral choice – and they level the playing field for you there. Both the Legion and the NCR have imperial pretensions, and those are not good. But since that specific thing is the same, well, we're supporting the people who aren't implementing mass slavery and treating women as "breeding stock", right?

If there are people who won't admit flaws in the NCR, well, yeah, I'd call them wrong. But I don't really think it's a double standard to favour a group that doesn't have "wouldn't it be great if we murdered everybody" as a core philosophy over one that does.

[edwardos]

Is there a way we can play your mod or is it not public yet

(First time tapping on this blog btw)

Wow. Always an uplifting surprise to find that.

I'll give you the short answer, and then a monologue. NBODE is not public yet, nobody but me and allegedly just one other person has played it, and it's expected to stay that way until Alpha 1.0.0 is complete on Modrinth. I'm projecting that this will take a few more months.

(Monologue)

It greatly boosts me to hear that people who are on my blog page like what they see in my mod and are interested in playing it - especially if they've only been on it for like 20 minutes at the time. Probably because I've been working on it for more than 24 months now and have been having a lot of fun playing it on a private server. I honestly can't wait for the day that it's public. Once this mod is released and gets attention on a bigger, playable scale, I will truly be the king of Beta 1.8. I think I'd like to see what let's plays happen on it a lot. Most retro Minecraft mod let's plays are unailed by the video-design scourge that clickbaitifies and controls modern Minecraft videos.

Most of the screenshots one will see from Noticeably Beta 1.8 on this blog are either development screenshots or pictures from a multiplayer server I run myself for me and practically one other person. It's called Monty Cabin, and the three worlds it uses are called Elder Hills, Mount Creep, and "Castle God". Working title on that last one. I've shared download links to Noticeably Beta 1.8 patches (it runs in ModLoader and ModLoaderMp) in the place where me and some online friends meet, but for all I know nobody but me and the one guy have ever downloaded or played it. My other friends have access, but supposedly no time to join in.

Noticeably Beta 1.8 has been taking a long time because of some "insurmountable walls" in coding difficulty and the shocking failure of modern search engines. It's terribly difficult to find any help resources on very basic things about modding Beta in ModLoaderMp, like how to make packets work or new custom mobs. Which is stupid because everyone and their mother seemed to be amazingly skilled at modding Beta back when Beta was the cutting edge vanilla version and the threads should still be around.

I also made something of a pact with myself that without adding "two specific new features" first so that me and my friend can unseal that Alpha 1.0.0 Nether Portal and go exploring them, I can't call Alpha 1.0.0 complete. Those specific features have been very hard to add. I'm not an expert at Minecraft modding by any means, and this whole time I've been punching well above my weight. I've been wondering this year if trying to get those features into the game before the completion of the first true alpha is something I should do and is worth it.

Lately, however, I'm feeling more confident. If I can figure out how to use Beta 1.8's infrastructure that was ultimately introduced in that version for a certain one of Minecraft's gameplay areas, I'll have very little work left to do before I have acceptable compromises on some of my vision for the time being, and can reasonably try to see if Modrinth approves it.

I feel I should also let people know that NBODE has some things about it that might not be satisfying for some Minecraft fans that have different tastes, even if they are Golden Age fans. In the interest of letting those people down easy, I've got some points to share. One of the first things I did was actually change Endermen a lot.

I didn't remove them, but I've been pissed off at Endermen for a long time and so I took away a lot of things that bother me about them that I think lots of people traditionally may have liked. I turned off their teleportation and removed that animation where their jaw opens and completely detaches from the back of their head for no reason.

On a potentially more agreeable note, I gave them more health than they normally get in Beta 1.8, and made it so that blocks they pick up are not removed from the world (less griefing that way) and an Enderman in the world can only place two blocks in their life each. They're also less like whatever an Enderman was before and more like fire demons, though they look the same as before. I also had to give them a discount sound effect because their usual tone is not in Beta 1.8.

Golden Age players may find this next one to be no biggie at all. It's the fact that NBODE is like Beta 1.7 in a lot of ways, the way I'll focus on here being that it's practically all about survival, gathering resources, and building. Big expeditions/journeys like you'd get in Minecraft Release 1.11 don't really come into it. Unless you want to find cool terrain. This is Beta 1.8 terrain on the other hand, so it's got famously subjectively bad landscapes and objectively over-huge oceans.

Hilariously, The Adventure Update of vanilla Minecraft in Beta 1.8 hardly had any excuse to go on "adventures" at all. It was pretty much all about extreme hills and abandoned mineshafts, which appropriately enough are terrains that partly brought me to choose this version for my mod. I also chose it because of its crazy-good mood/appearance (IMO).

After much struggling I was able to create a small structure on the surface that lets people know a Stronghold is below if they find it while playing the mod. But the point is that Beta 1.8 wasn't a very expedition-trip kind of game compared to Beta 1.7, and in Beta 1.8, and NBODE at this time, building stuff, mining, killing monsters that get in your way, and just being based is most of what you'll probably do. But a lot of people are fine with this, including me and obviously the modern-age retro gaming Minecraft Beta community.

Finally, I'll cut the "bad news" short here by finishing it with the doors. I worked very hard to change doors to make them make more sense, meaning that they are anchored on the hinges beside the door block, instead of Minecraft's usual thing where they break off if you break the floor. You can place any door against a cliff in this mod. There are already screenshots of that. However, when I added this many months ago I wasn't smart enough to make the block item activateable when right clicking on the ground, which means that some people may get confused or find it difficult to place doors. You have to stand in front of a couple of stacked blocks and place the door against their side, while "looking forward".

Since before this project even really started, I've been terrified of plagiarism of this mod. My ideas have been stolen or in some other way lifted before I could succeed before. That applies even just in Minecraft content itself. Luckily, my approach to NBODE was really smart and nuanced with the stuff I was doing. And I started documenting my development and showing that it exists pretty quickly. Because of that, I think the worst case scenario is that somebody pretends to beat me to the punch with their own bootleg Noticeably Beta 1.8, but this hypothetical person is also really stupid in addition to being a creatively-bankrupt thief and has no idea how to do all the big and little things I've picked up that make NBODE as carefully well-designed as it is, or how to do what makes it work so well.

I was also really upset in real life when I did a curious search and found out that I wasn't the first person to come out with a Beta 1.8 mod trailer or product in this decade. The mod I found is nothing like my mod, but I wanted to be the first to hit the road on Beta 1.8 bigmodding. I hate Beta 1.8.X for doing that. >:|

This is also the first answer of a Tumblr ask that I've done entirely on Linux. There's a bit of a technological disruption here, as I don't know how easy it will be to set up MCP and my mod workspace on this other computer, but maybe I'll finish the first public build before I get off my big computer. It's unknown. But I know I have to get everything backed up from my big computer and replace the operating system very soon. It's going to be okay, but it's going to be different.

[crabbytime]

Actually fuck it y'all get my tfa ocs too because I forgot to post them but I love them dearly (yes my ref style is inconsistent but I refuse to make it consistent)

Mini bios!

Deadweight- An Autobot defector and medic who hoards spare parts, junk, and whatever they've graverobbed. After having their conjux executed during the war for becoming a Decepticon spy and losing their entire team to a wayward alien parasite, they completely lost all joy or hope and switched sides. They don't express any sort of emotion and just let things happen, but they're as honest as they come (though it's mostly due to lacking the energy to lie). This can be detrimental if you're on the operating table, but otherwise it makes others know exactly where they stand with Deadweight. Due to their size, they tend to be used by other Decepticons as a weapon. The compartment on their back is akin to a mobility aid since it's mandatory for them to transform, and they occasionally use it for support when their leg injury acts up. The compartment also acts as a personal infinite pocket dimension, perfect for hoarding their collection! Their alt-mode is a hearse.

Diama- After the Allspark was shot out into space, the Autobot High Command wanted to find a way to create new Cybertronians without wasting too many resources. Thus, Perceptor started a new project that began and ended with Diama. Their goal was to create a completely artificial 'bot that wouldn't need too many resources to run on, and could even survive without energon. What they got was Diama. She was invented with the possibility of failure in mind, so she was made quite compact and with individual parts that combined to make her body in case they needed repair. Since they weren't sure if she'd be scrapped or not, they made her alt-mode something practical they could use were she to be shut down so their resources weren't wasted. A magnet. Her body emits a natural magnetism she has to keep low so she doesn't stick to the metal architecture of Cybertron. This also means she's fairly liable to fall apart at the slightest bit of force. Because she's completely artificial, she has no personality, the reason Ultra Magnus cancelled the project, as he deemed the sacrifice of personality too great a cost in exchange for progress. Though, because her personality is AI, her behavior is influenced by those around her, so her data keeps having to be fixed and reset by her handlers. The only reason she still "lives" is because they have her go around doing maintenance work for situations normal bots can't quite do. Perceptor likes to keep her around as his walking flashdrive.

Throwback- An unaligned amnesiac the Autobot High Command took in after finding his mangled body post-explosion. Nobody knows where he came from or what he is, considering his entire infrastructure was archaic by their standards, yet he had a spark. They had to completely recreate his outer shell while keeping his bare-bones intact, both to study and to not accidentally kill him. The damage he sustained gave him a large amount of damage on his processor and joints, but they couldn't be fixed due to his anatomy being incredibly outdated and unknown to the Autobots. Because of this, Throwback has an incredibly difficult time absorbing new information, which is incredibly frustrating for him and everyone else. He acts out as a result of that and his situation, pushing his already brash personality to its limits. He's incredibly loud and rude but turns tail at the first sign of conflict. His alt mode is a boomerang, but only his top half can turn into it, leaving his legs to their own devices. Because he keeps trying to escape his confinement, they've paired Diama with him so she can use her magnetism to pull him back when he runs.

Evolutia- Has earned the nickname "mommy issues" in my friend group and for good reason. She's as old as Alpha Trion and has both the experience and knowledge to back it up. Having lived through so many conflicts, she's gotten a distaste for it, and instead busied herself with off-planet work and exploration. Knowledge was always something she sought and she was willing to do anything to figure things out. However, an accident left her T-Cog destroyed and rendered her unable to transform. This didn't stop her, however, as she continued her research regardless. There she found that her body, though it could no longer transform, could instead shapeshift and meld to match the environments she was in. This ability was unnatural and made her fellow Cybertronians afraid of her, so she ran off before they could experiment on her. As this occurred during the Decepticon conflict, she ended up switching sides just to learn how they functioned and to study their anatomy. It was there that she took Shockwave under her wing, taking notice of his own shapeshifting abilities. She mentored him in this and various sciences in hopes that he'd use this for Cybertron's benefit, but became disgusted by him and ended up abandoning both him and the cause. She lived alone in space for countless millennia, stopping by other planets and stealing resources for her own purposes. She's even the basis for a variety of myths, legends, and rumors across countless planets as a result, thanks to her ever-changing appearance. There was always just one question she could never answer, the secret to life and existence, and she aimed to find out one way or another. So, she began building constructs to try and recreate Cybertronian anatomy using her vast knowledge of the subject. When this didn't work, she began harvesting honorable sparks from still-living bots from the shadows in order to pass their noble traits onto her new generation. She was the one to first create Throwback, not that he remembers, and she has countless other constructs wandering around the cosmos. She's incredibly patient and motherly, but once she's disappointed, you're essentially dead to her. She does not have nostalgia in the slightest and has no problem with switching her opinions around at the drop of a hat with no hesitation. Her highest priority is Cybertron's future and evolution, and she will stop at nothing to achieve her goals. Before her T-Cog was destroyed, she turned into a moon rover.

This turned into a massive infodump but I love them a lot. All of them have more info on my Toyhouse! I'm not sure how the algorithm works on this site so idk if I'm allowed to link it but my username is also Crabbytime!

[yubellia]

Nobody needs a Snow White remake. Snow is already a strong protagonist

Yes. I just said that. And I mean it. You can‘t believe how the actress that plays Snow White is getting on my nerves. „She won‘t be saved by a prince.“ „it’s not about ‚one day my prince will come‘.“ and NO! This is not about her skin color! That discussion is so annoying anyway. This is about her talking nonsense! Nothing more!

Seriously, I know it sounds like I am looking down on that girl. Yes, girl. She is just 23. And I know she probably doesn’t have that much control over anything there. But all I see is a kid, that thinks she is super smart and smug because she has it figured out and isn’t realizing that she knows nothing.

Like, excuse me?! Did she even watch the original movie? Did the team behind this movie watch the original?!

Let’s take a look because if you do, you see that snow is not a damsel and indeed very strong in the context of her circumstances! Everything they claim Snow White lags, she already has. You just have to look and actually want to see it!

——————————————————

The first scene with snow is after the queen learns about her not being the fairest anymore. Snow is forced to work as a maid wearing rags pretty much. Is she complaining or whining? No. She puts on a smile and sings a song about how things will get better. She get to know the prince, the queen is jealous and orders the huntsman to kill her.

One of the things people complain about is that snow is too passive. Too nice. Sorry but that is her greatest strength.

It’s her kindness that made the huntsman spare her life. What made the dwarves take her in. After she runs away, she breaks down crying in the forest before the animals help her. She sings a song and NEVER cries again in the entire movie.

You have to understand that Snow White is a teenager. She just learned that her stepmother, the only family she had left, wants to kill her. She ran, has no food, no home for the night. She has nothing except the clothes that she wears. Breaking down crying in that moment isn’t weak. It’s VERY UNDERSTANDABLE AND ACCURATE!

Now, she finds the cottage and decides to clean up. That’s not Disney being anti feminist and Snow White being a weak woman. She realizes that she won‘t be able to stay for free. She notices that no one is doing household chores, which is what the queen forces her to do for years. So she thinks, I proof myself usefull to them and than, they might let me stay. She even said that outright!

She notices that there is a position that could give her an advantage and she uses that! She is very resourceful and uses what little she has! Not just that! She also proofs that she has leadership skills like a royal by splitting the chores up to the animals! „Snow white won‘t dream of love. She will dream of becoming a leader!“ pah! She already is! It’s small yes but that’s natural in her position! Where exactly is Snow White shown to be weak!? Or a damsel that needs to be saved?! She saves herself (with animals).

Later when she sends the dwarves to wash their hands, she takes on a strict but caring role. She shows leadership skills the entire time!

And yes, there is a little bit of romance. She does hope to see the prince again. But she NEVER waits for him to save her! She focused on what’s important and did it herself! What’s so damn wrong with dreaming of a loving relationship?! Can somebody explain that to me!?

At the end, Snow White is the story about a victim of abuse, she escapes, TAKES ON A JOB! And earns her place and food among the dwarves. She does beg them to let her stay but NEVER without offering her services. And even when she literally has the most powerful woman of the land against her, she tries to stay positive and put on a smile! A truly strong, independent woman who gets her happy ending with her prince! A great role model if you ask me.

Do you see now why I think that Rachel Zegler and Disney have no damn idea what they are talking about when they speak about the original movie!? You CAN watch the original Snow White and find a very positive feminist message on how to be strong AND kind despite the odds! But if you don‘t WANT to see it, we get a remake no one asked for! Yes Snow White is not this „in your face!“ feminist! But honestly, we don‘t need more girl boss movies. And I am saying that as a woman!

If they wanted to do something unique and expand on the original, why didn’t they use the real original story and combine it? Make the queen try to get rid of Snow White not twice but FOUR times in total. That way they could focus more on the characters, their bonds and make the queen even creepier.

——————————————————-

I hope i didn’t offend anyone too much here. But I think many people are already scared for this movie. But seriously, watch the original and remember this post. You will see it. I promise.

[clownflower]

Transcript of above link: It’s wild when you realize that nobody can actually articulate a reason why Israel should be supported that is both logically coherent and morally defensible.

Westerners grow up being indoctrinated with the understanding that this tiny country in the middle east is super duper important and needs to be supported and defended at all cost, but if you examine the reasons given for why this is so as an adult, you find that none of them really hold water.

“Israel is the only place where Jews can be safe!” This is clearly false. A Jewish person in New York City is self-evidently much, much safer than a Jewish person in Tel Aviv. Forcefully creating a brand new apartheid ethnostate dropped on top of a pre-existing civilization naturally means that Israel can only ever exist in perpetual violence, which places everyone who lives there in danger.

“The Jews deserve a homeland!” Why? Why does any religion deserve to have a country of their own where members of that religion are in charge of everyone else and receive preferential treatment? There are more Mormons in the world than Jews, and they don’t have their own country. There are more Sikhs in the world than Jews, and they don’t have their own country. There’s no logically coherent reason why every religion should have its own nation state, and there’s no logically coherent reason why such a principle should apply to Jews but not to Scientologists.

“Israel is the only liberal democracy in the middle east.” This one’s just silly. A genocidal apartheid regime which actively disenfranchises and abuses the Palestinian population is the exact opposite of “liberal” and “democratic”. But even if that was not the case, there is no logically coherent and morally defensible reason why any given religion should have a representative of a particular political ideology in it, no matter how many people need to be murdered and oppressed to make it so.

“I support Israel’s existence but I oppose the mistreatment of Palestinians.” This one is quite popular with the liberals, but it’s nonsensical and self-contradictory. Israel has been abusive to Palestinians throughout the entirety of its existence from its very inception; only in the imaginary fairy tales of liberal Zionists has it ever existed without tyranny, theft and murder, and only in their imaginary fairy tales can a Jewish ethnostate be dropped on top of a civilization of non-Jews in a way that could ever be without nonstop tyranny, theft and murder. The only choices are a two-state solution which Israel is openly doing everything it can to prevent, and a one-state solution where everyone has equal rights which would per definition not be a Jewish state. Liberal Zionists pretend they live in a fairy fantasyland alternate timeline where this is not the reality. This is how liberals try to square the circle of supporting Israel when it’s morally indefensible; they simply invent an imaginary world in which it is moral, and pretend it’s a real possibility.

“Israel is essential for protecting our interests in the region.” This one is logically coherent from a certain point of view, but it’s certainly not morally defensible. There’s not even any logically coherent reason for any normal westerner to say that Israel protects “our” interests in the middle east. It is only logically coherent for the managers of the western empire to say that helping Israel wage the nonstop violent force necessary for its existence helps sow the chaos, tyranny, destabilization and division necessary to ensure their geostrategic domination of a resource-rich region and keep middle eastern nations from uniting into a superpower bloc who use their resources to advance their own interests around the world. Contrary to what some people believe, Israel isn’t responsible for the existence of western warmongering — western warmongering is responsible for the existence of Israel. If there wasn’t an Israel they’d just invent another excuse to maintain a military presence in the middle east and keep sowing violence and chaos. Biden himself has acknowledged this, saying “Were there not an Israel the United States would have to invent an Israel to protect her interests in the region.” So from that perspective it does make logical sense to say that the western empire would have a harder time advancing its unipolarist objectives on the world stage without a destabilizing agent whose existence is wholly dependent upon constant western backing. And if you really want to go whole hog in siding with the imperialists’ reasoning for supporting Israel, you can also argue that Israel provides the perfect narrative cover for maintaining a military presence in the middle east. For many years the final debate-ending argument against western military withdrawal from the middle east has been that it would ensure Israel’s destruction, because Israel’s neighbors would simply eliminate it without the deterrence of the US war machine there to protect it. And if you take it as a given that Israel must continue to exist in its present iteration, it really is a debate-ending argument. If you take it as a given that Israel must be permitted to exist as an apartheid ethnostate which was artificially forced into existence in the mid-20th century, then of course there is no way it can exist without nonstop violence, and of course there is no way it can come out on the winning side of all that violence without the backing of the US-centralized empire. What this means is that if you accept that Israel must continue to exist as it presently exists, you are necessarily accepting that the US and its western allies must retain a military stranglehold on the middle east. There is no way to maintain this artificially created astroturf state without nonstop violence, so you have to remain in a position to help inflict that violence at all times. Which is mighty convenient for the US-centralized power structure, to say the least.

But it is, of course, not morally defensible. It is not morally defensible to keep killing middle easterners year after year, decade after decade, in order to rule the world. It might be logically coherent, but it is also profoundly evil. All arguments for supporting Israel fail either logically, morally, or both. Which is why so much propaganda goes into manipulating us into supporting this murderous regime, and why voices who oppose it are getting increasingly suppressed by establishment power structures. It’s why the mass media have been demonstrably wildly biased toward the advancement of Israeli information interests in their reporting, and it’s why critics of Israeli atrocities like Richard Medhurst, Sarah Wilkinson and Mary Kostakidis have been outrageously persecuted in the UK and Australia. They have no argument, so they are increasingly resorting to the blunt instrument. When you peel away the layers, the arguments for keeping the Israel project going are all about domination and control, which is why more and more domination and control is being used to protect that project from scrutiny. Israel, ultimately, is nothing but a nonstop war. And, like all wars, its existence depends on hiding the truth from the public.

[adleryoung]

A magick school for lowfolk? The thought of them snooping all over a sacred elvish palace made my skin crawl, but what concerned me most was the presence of Edessa. I had unfinished business with the scheming, conniving femme who played a key role in Estmere's death and my long imprisonment. The lowfolk magick school itself … that could be a potential asset, if I controlled it. My grandfather, Adler the Prudent, had seen fit to encourage the Lowfolk Interbreeding Initiative, so clearly fostering good relationships with the lowfolk should be an Imperial initiative. I could dictate the school's curriculum and boost my own prestige if the students saw me as their main benefactor. After all, I had been planning to teach a coven of lowfolk witches magick before that whole plan fell apart. If someone was founding an actual school, why not let them do the work so I could reap the rewards?

"I'll see what I can do," I told Ash.

"I should certainly hope so!" he retorted hotly. "This is a serious threat to the elves' superior position over lowfolk. I'd also like to request that you call me by my proper name henceforth. When you lifted my geas of banishment, you also gave me back my Vulpitanian name, Dr. Owter Cessawonki. The lowfolk name 'Ash Marten' is so crass. It's beneath someone of my stature."

Ash was an ass, but I held my tongue. No sense getting into an argument since he had clearly come to help. "You're reestablishing yourself in Faerie," I observed. "That means you have a damage report on the current social and political situation."

"I've only recently been back," he admitted, "so my knowledge is very basic, but anyone with eyes can tell that Faerie is in freefall and on the verge of collapse. Whatever your plan is to fix this mess, I hope you do it quickly. The prevailing opinion seems to be that you are an ambitious upstart who murdered his brother, and in that respect you have widespread support among traditionalists. Even the Seelie can hardly find fault with such tactics. However, most elves also believe you released the Plague of Battles just to watch the world burn, and nobody wants a reckless madman in charge. Plus the Gaps have fractured Faerie into innumerable isolated realms, many of which are only accessible by Gate. They've mostly grown accustomed to ruling themselves over these past few centuries and are not likely to swear allegiance to Albric Tor without some heavy persuasion. You may officially be crowned Emperor, but getting anyone to accept your rule will be a challenge. A civil war could potentially start if there was any faction actually capable to wage one. None of these pocket realms, with the possible exception of Vulpitania, possess the strength to oppose you. Currently that's to your advantage, but it won't be for long. Once a real push for reunification begins, then competitors will start popping out of the woodwork."

Hmm. I needed to confront Edessa, and see if I could count this lowfolk magickal school as an asset. I also needed to start strategizing ways to rebuild the Empire. Or did I? That felt more like a long-term goal, while the old queen lurking in a school library seemed more immediate. She was a threat to my imperial authority, so dealing with her would also further my other goal. That settled it. I would take care of Edessa first.

Now then … should I go straight to Persoc Tor, or should I enlist the aid of Burnside and Rebecca? Burnside would be useful if I needed to strongarm the heartless wench who murdered my brother, and Rebecca might find a magickal school appealing. If I could somehow link Rebecca's coven and the school together, that would make these potential resources all the more valuable.

Can you guess what I did? (i.e. time to wake up and make a few audience suggestions)

"Oh, one last thing," Ash, I mean Dr. Cesawonki added before I departed on my journey. "Might you have any knowledge as to the whereabouts of General Bonsai and his shrub knights?"

[jeremy-ken-anderson]

On Metas, Specs, and Creativity

There's an incorrect argument that if you create a system like that of WoW where you can specialize in various directions with a spiffy skill tree, players will immediately work out the mathematically optimal output from said tree and nobody will be creative or play out their personal power fantasy using said tree; Instead, everyone will look up The Build online and just use that.

This is a valid concern to have, but it's not true.

Like, literally: We know it's not true. Most people - indeed, an enormous majority of MMO players - don't give a shit about "optimal play." You can look at the achievement listings for Heroic tiers of dungeons in WoW, or how many FFXIV players clear even the Extreme trials, and find that most people don't bother with them.

What's actually happening is that the people who are deep enough into the game that they're talking on a forum about the game between sessions of playing the game care a great deal about optimal play, and assume everyone else is like them.

Now, this doesn't mean introducing creativity into your game is without flaws.

You can see gradations in M:tG or City of Heroes (heavy creativity of build), WoW (moderate creativity of build), and FFXIV (low creativity of build) and how these play out in what content works and how it works.

In a game with low creativity of build, the players are consistently clamoring for new jobs and game modes so they can try out new options. But I do admit this mode has worked well for FFXIV. They can release things on a clear schedule and their time savings get to double-dip: They save time making a bunch of options for players and trying to balance all the janky combinations of options the players select from what they offer.

In a game with moderate creativity of build there's maybe an order of magnitude more work, and as I said on the "savings" end for FFXIV this applies to both making the cool skill tree in the first place but also in trying to make all the possible specs even in the same ballpark when it comes to power. And if they're not - if an enormous majority aren't viable even in regular gameplay - the choice is illusory, right? Incidentally, this is where the "everyone does the meta build" lie comes in. Because there's actually a lot of variance between the difficulty of doing regular quests for regular NPCs or even regular dungeon content, and trying to handle top-end raids. In the former, I played one of the weakest specs of the weakest class at the time, and only once (in a dungeon where, as a tank, I couldn't hold aggro because my solo-focused spec was bad at that) did I get any flak for it. I had a blast for 99% of my gameplay experience as a "bad" class. But for that upper end, the mathemagicians aren't generally wrong about which classes are bad. If you come in with a poorly-considered spec you're potentially wasting hours of others' time. The real problem is WoW, having already spent the resources on making the extra content that enables creativity, isn't willing to do the exponentially more work of balancing all the possible outputs of that creativity.

Where does it end? Well, looking at City of Heroes, you can have a system where the top end is about story rather than challenge, I suppose. The issue is that doesn't hold players well; Arguably this "lack of a real endgame" is part of what led to CoH's original demise. But also, this stratifies your community without their knowledge/intent. Players who are even sorta-kinda better than average at making characters with a mathematical advantage are going to be doing more powerful content more quickly. Those who absolutely twink out their builds will be ready for endgame trials almost immediately. Those who hardly understand the enhancement system will struggle to clear regular content at level -1, which in turn means their basic leveling experience will be slower. City of Heroes attempted to solve this problem by making ways for vastly different-powered characters to empower or disempower themselves to engage with each other's content. I think with a better matchmaking system this might have worked out, tbh, but the issue of resistances and AoE value at high levels became insurmountable with the way their design philosophy worked. Some other direction might have fixed it, but in my opinion nothing they had felt like a true fix.

M:tG players have a similar system, and there a couple meta decks really do begin to emerge; While there are literally billions or more of ways to set up a legal M:tG deck, in a given expansion there are just a few collections of the cards that rise above the pack (pun actually not intended for once) in efficiency and interconnected synergy to make for solutions to the puzzle of deckbuilding that tend to outperform the rest. There are a lot of possible decks, but some will just win more often. And when that's a known fact, it's hard to ask players not to win as often in order to enjoy the thrill of creativity. Game modes like the booster draft format can prevent people from leaning as heavily on The Meta, but it still looms over proceedings.

[sudenlehto]

My experience with healing and developing the kind of self-compassion that allows me see where I'm being given less than the bare minimum, - often feels like growing out of a glass box.

You grow, but the glass breaks and the shards wound you. The price of wanting better is being reminded that indeed, you settled into a small glass box before, and therefore growing into a bigger version of yourself will remind you of this.

By this I mean the people in your life who, even if they've been good and supportive with you in many situations, - don't really exhibit the qualities of someone who could be truly close with you.

I mean people who have not yet unpacked the cruelty towards themselves, who still find it silly when someone grows out of the same mentality. I was just like that, and can still be like that in some life areas. I remember being younger and telling a fellow autistic person they're asking too much by asking their friend to stop perpetuating dehumanizing caricatures/stereotypes of autistic folk, because I was used to just taking plain open transphobia and ableism to my face without complaint, to not get abandoned by others. To me, tolerating bigotry towards myself was just how life was and I wasn't allowed to complain. The price of complaining was humiliation and being told I'm asking too much, and I had internalized this.

My words to that other autistic person were still cruel. I was wrong. That person just wanted their friend to have basic, bare minimum level of respect for themselves. I found it silly, and like it's asking too much, because I had never gotten even the bare minimum in my whole life. I could not envision this kind of thing in social relationships.

Similiarly, now that I'm growing to be the person who draws a really hard line to certain things, and has actual experience of what being truly listened to, respected and understood feels like, - this including people in my life committing to unlearning bigotries towards various marginalized identities of mine (and I'll do the same work with myself for their sake because I want them to be safe with me), - I am discovering how many people just can't do the work.

Their reaction to hearing of a wrong that seems too petty for them, is to mock it, to even rub it to my face a little bit, how much I need to just "take it", even if they're somewhat compassionate about it.

Because I've began growing out of my glass box, these moments I was formerly desensitized to, now make me very emotional. I feel hurt and betrayal, I feel the slight in them, because I remember what it felt like to share this with someone who was truly supportive.

It sucks to realize some friends go from friends to acquaintances you regard similiarly as a grandparent who you love but who is also toxic and homophobic and won't change. A part of their worldview will always dehumanize with you and view it as a personal attack that you ever stand up for yourself. They feel like you're the nuisance and the burden for wanting anything different.

You can't force people to change, or force their formation of opinions or worldviews. Everyone in this life comes to hurt another. Nobody is perfect. Everyone is triggering for someone. I have compassion for that these people are just in that kind of part of their own journey, but for my own good, I need to admit some folks are just toxic to me.

For my truth and integrity, their views and attitudes feel violating. I am not a bigger person than this. This hurts me. I will no longer deny my hurt, like I did for my whole lifetime. If a friend's reaction to my pain about dehumanizing tropes that were repeatedly used to abuse me is to make fun of it, that friend is cruel, and doesn't respect me.

This work to undo my desensitization has restored me to be more in touch with my emotions than I've ever been. I literally use testosterone HRT which is stereotyped for how little you'd cry on it, but this emotional work with myself has actually made me more prone to tears than I've ever been back when I had PMS. I get moved to tears by little things, I feel emotionally vibrant, - and that includes feeling hurt and angry to the fullest scale too.

It's beautiful to finally be present and able to feel my emotions so vibrantly, outside of just mind-numbing bitterness and rage or terrified fawning, my typical default states...

It's just that this sensitive, true and beautiful person needs to be treated with a certain level of kindness and protection.

I can not change others, but I can change how I encage with them, or whether I encage at all actually.

A boundary is something you say you won't do. "You keep doing that and I won't stay here in this room with you."

A rule is telling others what to do."Do not talk about banana peels in my presence."

Making boundaries is stuff like... - Never staying in conversations where the other person starts verbally abusing you - Never encaging with people on topics they have shitty and hurtful views about because this gives them a chance to hurt you. - Not arguing with assholes. Instead, not giving them a time of your day.

In this world, especially when multiply marginalized, your dehumanization is everywhere, behind every corner. Repeated bigger and smaller traumas over the same shit happen simply because you refuse to give up on life and encage with society. Sometimes the PTSD anger makes it hard to make good decisions. Sometimes it feels like you're forced to fight, to get justice, to win yourself back from someone else. But often the damage you'll suffer from being punished and victim-blamed is even worse than the initial offense, and not worth the fight.

It's a heartbreak, because it's repeated losses of people who were truly bright stars in your sky, to them being assholes and unwilling to work on it. If you feel stupid and belittled for even kindly bringing up a problem, that's a red flag.

Your only option remains kindness and love with boundaries.

By this I mean, especially kindness for yourself. You need to create your own bubble where you thrive. You get to be exclusive with who belongs to your more personal sphere. With CPTSD it's hard to have "layers" of social relations, as we kind of fall in love with even strangers for being kind of nice to us and stuff... Or worse, we mistake our terrified fawning for 'love'.

Yes, you can be in community with the people who are well-meaning but harbor a couple of toxic views here and there. But it's very different to be friends than acquaintances with someone.

You can have your broader sphere of people where you also navigate the people who are sometimes difficult. Maybe these people, too, are in different tiers, - some are ones you avoid unless mandatory to interact some way, some are people whose company you seek occasionally and others are those fair-weather-buddies you don't really take your mask off for.

With my all-or-nothing thinking stemming from this angry part of my healing journey, it's easy to forget this, and fully obliterate your relations with some people you simply just needed clearer boundaries with.

Your more personal sphere of people are the ones you are letting into your thriving and love bubble. With CPTSD it's such a difficult concept that there can be things that are yours, which exist so that you can have your needs met. That's something healthy people naturally know to cultivate. For us CPTSD havers it's a struggle to conceptualize we too can create our exclusive, personal bubbles we get to be selective with.

These bubbles are our source of strength and joy. They are our sanctuary. Only the people who truly listen to and respect us are welcome here. Being here is a priviledge of the few, one that can be revoked too.

Without my own bubble, or remembering I should be gardering and cultivating it, - I'm just an angry, resentful mess who feels that I'm forced to fight people, because I can't make the choice to close my world away from them. I'm constanty angry, always at war with everyone, feeling in my bones how I can not escape the evil projections casted on me to justify my dehumanization and mistreatment. It makes me feel claustrophobic, like a trapped animal that wants to kill and destroy, kill and destroy....

It's a constant stabbing and exhausting pain to have mind-numbing anger bigger than this body, because I want control, because I want JUSTICE, because I want to "teach a lesson". I'm a nightmare that wants to kill, a nightmare that wants to crush your skull to the wall, and drown your annoying friend into the nearest water sink like he fucking deserves, - in my homicidal ideation, that is.

It doesn't represent my values or real opinions.

TL;DR; When you grow to care for yourself better, you'll realize some people are more toxic than you thought. Sometimes you realize you're no longer compatible.

Disappointments, loss, betrayal and grief are always on their way. Sometimes it feels like asking for even the bare minimum is almost like asking to be punished, - with the wrong people in your personal inner circle, that is.

The anger can sometimes consume you. You can't escape the source of it because you exist in a society.

The solution is letting go. Making your own personal bubble that exists as your sanctuary, to get your needs met, and that you only choose the people for that make you feel genuinely safe, listened to and accepted. You need this source of love, kindness, strength and joy.

The love will be greater than the hate. It'll make you a stronger, more resourceful person.

[betterbemeta]

I'm just starting out watching star trek but the more I watch the more it seems to me that the actual role of a starfleet ship captain is to be the main tank. like in a MMO raid group.

the main tank is often the 'leader' of the raid or dungeon instance or whatever the multiplayer instance is called. This is because they are often very close up in the boss fight's face and are seeing its telegraphs, and often have to call them for the supporting players. They are basically in the central chair on the metaphorical bridge, to do their job. There is no other way to do the job.

It is also the main tank's responsibility to position a boss when possible so its attacks endanger the minimum amount of other players. It is like 70% of their mechanical role to make needs-of-the-many calls, while they personally mitigate as much punishment as they can. To facilitate this, they can't just use their own abilities to shrug off damage; they must know ahead of time for each encounter how other players must stand in formation, which is another reason why they're often the 'leader.'

In encounters where the boss or main threat can't be positioned, the main tank's responsibility is to prevent adds from reaching other group members, relieve as much pressure from the other group members as possible, and to replenish group resources. Basically: facilitating everybody else's jobs, so they must understand what each group member needs to accomplish their roles, too.

During an encounter, communications are often restricted to the main tank, healers, and sometimes a lead DPS (in cases where the DPS has to split off to some kind of special mechanic or task?). The main tank is responsible for responding to the input or status of these other role leaders (identical to 'status updates' during a situation on the bridge.)

When something goes wrong in an encounter, like if a healer dies, it is the main tank's responsibility to keep a cool head and clearly direct other group members about how to recover or adjust the strategy during a confusing situation. (again, like during every space battle,)

Because of the low margin of error for themselves and their group if they make a mistake or call something incorrectly, the lead tank is expected to study the attack patterns and phases of each encounter in the raid. This is important even when running brand-new content because it's often derivative of older content in some way. (a new space vexation happens every week and the captain is expected to know how to roll with it, every time,)

The main tank is often in a leadership role in a raiding guild because organizing 20-40 people for group activities tracks to social/guild organizing. The drama about if somebody is good in this role or if they are toxic in this role tracks perfectly to personas in the command track, as does drama about which guilds are more 'elite' or prestigious than other guilds.

Main tanks have a reputation for being bossy and status-driven but too much focus on hierarchy actually hurts their ability to do their job, and nearly every effective main tank is good at communicating with less experienced group members without intimidating or subordinating them. The main tank is often responsible for kicking truly disruptive people who join the group, so without establishing this trust nobody wants to sign up for their activities.

Main tanks often have a best friend who is likely their regular lead healer, their off-tank (who they may have trained?), or rarely an experienced DPS who helps them coordinate the positioning of other DPS on the ground. it's really unlikely they'll take a raid without this person; the amount of time in multiplayer content like this means they have friends with similar time investment. This is basically their number one and if you find a main tank who does not have this person either something happened, or you should be wary of them/why they want this responsibility but don't keep consistent friends.

In most games that feature tanks, choosing to be one nerfs your character significantly in doing other kinds of content such as single player questing or PVP. They are only powerful when they are supported by other players, just like how starfleet captains get bodied all the time when they're on their own despite being well-educated badasses the rest of the time.

Main tanks can even be expected to do diplomacy as the 'leader' of the activity they are doing. Such as doing gear runs and asking that others give up certain drops to outfit one of the party members for more difficult content, deciding when to give up and how to persuade the group without hurting morale if the raid isn't succeeding for whatever reason, and negotiating availability for scheduled raids and substitutes in case people can't make it.

incidentally, the other role parallel I can think of for the ideal main tank is 'grade school teacher', so make of that what you will.

[bi-furiosity]

content warning for addiction, overdose, ableism, classism.

since apparently nobody on this godforsaken website knows how to google things or engage critically, some of yall been usin harm reduction in completely irrelevant ways that misconstrue what harm reduction actually is and, believe it or not, that fucking hurts people.

harm reduction: is the idea that moral judgement is not a productive aspect of addiction care and accommodating drug users. it's any practice designed to minimize the potential negative consequences of drug use and prioritizes overall well-being over stigmatizing drug use any further.

harm reduction is a relatively new idea that's only been put into practice in the past few decades, which is pretty fuckin sad considering the majority of it is common sense and was already practiced unofficially in certain marginalized communities.

what does harm reduction include? a whole lot of shit

needle exchange programs

decriminalization of drug usage

community support and outreach programs

access to naxolone (also known as Narcan,) which can reverse the effects of an opiate overdose

recovery programs

supervised injection sites

access to related healthcare without threat of discrimination or legal action

etc.

harm reduction is a wide-ranging field of strategies, it boils down to respecting drug users, meeting them where they're currently at, and keeping all involved parties as safe as possible.

addiction is horrifically stigmatized, and this stigmatization leads to families being ripped apart, people overdosing, incarceration, and a host of other consequences. for many of us, addiction is a reality that we cannot ignore. it's ourselves, our loved ones, our communities. as it stands, marginalized communities are disproportionately affected by the stigma of addiction and drug usage, especially communities of color and poor communities. i am from appalachia, and while i'm not personally in recovery, i was raised by a mother who is. i grew up going to 12-step programs, and i've seen the way the system and its view of addiction destroys lives.

i say this to show the stakes. harm reduction is the first time that the needs and humanity of addicts and drug users has really been formally considered by organizations, much less local governments. it's potentially game-changing for many people. harm reduction saves lives. it keeps kids from being raised by grandparents or in the foster care system. it keeps people from OD-ing in the streets. it gives the chance for addicts to be treated like the people they are, in a world that does nothing but vilify and kill them. every overdose could be preventable. anything that gets in the way of that costs lives.

why is this relevant rn? because people online have a habit of taking serious terminology and diluting the meaning to prove their own point. i'm telling yall right now, you cannot be doing that. i don't even want to get into the specific case that i just witnessed, because point blank, yall cannot be using this to win arguments in fandom or shed accountability. harm reduction is DEEPLY stigmatized in many of the communities its most need in. in 2015, 25 to 40 year olds in appalachia were 70% higher in terms of fatal overdoses than those outside of appalachia. (source) overall, for a lot of social and political reasons, the stigma is worse in places it's needed more. (example)

can harm reduction be used in other contexts? yes!!! absolutely! (for example, it's also utilized by sex workers.) it should be used in other contexts, when it's appropriate and productive.

do you know when it isn't productive? when you're diluting the meaning by using it when talking about fandom shit. for real, if i ever have to see this shit again i'm going to lose my mind. please understand that the misunderstanding of what harm reduction is kills people. it is not a toy for you to play with. undermining the actual purpose of harm reduction gives politicians and opponents to harm reduction more leverage to block life-saving programs that are desperately needed and sorely underfunded.

this shit is particularly relevant rn because the pandemic has led to overdose rates skyrocketing. alright? ok.

FIND A HARM REDUCTION PROGRAM NEAR YOU (x)

reading you can do: (this is not extensive, i'm fuckin exhausted from writing this shit out. if you have suggestions hmu. also they're biased towards wv and appalachia bc. hick.) Understanding Harm Reduction (available in English, Chinese, Punjabi, Farsi, French, Korean, Spanish, and Vietnamese) Reducing Stigma in Appalachia Sex Work + Harm Reduction Stigma Free WV How the Closure of Harm Reduction Changes Rural Healthcare IHRC 2019 Reading List NHRC Resource Center

[meat-the-sullivans]

Tw: vauge references to self harm.

So last time Sully was off his meds, his paranoia got really bad. And I mean really, really bad. He was convinced his boss in the mafia didn’t actually trust him, and that they had put a tracking chip on him somewhere.

He searched and scratched at his whole body trying to find it. Eventually even pulling our one of his own teeth (which yes he did get a fake one put in later once he was more lucid and back on his meds)

His medication numbs him out a lot which is why he’s usually very calm and collected for the most part. Speaks pretty monotone and proper. And never, ever raises his voice, especially at the children.

But he’s much more like his little brother when he’s off his meds. Except Cade is usually aware of what he’s doing and why, which arguably makes him more scary from a normal persons perspective. Because he knows what he’s doing and still chosen to do it, sometimes even happily. But Sully, when he’s like this, is only really half aware of his surroundings. It’s hard for him to know what’s reality and what isn’t. Which makes him entirely unhinged and unpredictable.

His biggest fear being off his meds is that he’ll do something that will scare the kids. Or worse, in a delusional state, he might hurt one of them, thinking they’re someone else. Unlike Cade, who’s never been to therapy (other than the mandatory sessions to get approved for trans health services) Sully has been in and out of therapy since he was 7, and has been heavily medicated since he was 12.

Sure, he was still killing people, while on his medication. But for most of it, he was just following orders in the mafia. And when he wasn’t, his kills were very skilfully planned out and meticulous, never leaving a trail until his boss thought he was too much of a loose cannon and framed him for everything, including murders he didn’t even commit with his own two hands.

He became knows as the Catacombs killer cause his boss planted all the remains in the Paris Catacombs to be found.

Sully was also devastated after he lost Daffodil, and was carrying around a lot of Rage and anger in his younger years over it. Of course, he was also using the mafia right back, using the skills the taught him and their resources for his own gain.

One of his Delusions that never leaves, medication or not, is that Dipper “cannot survive” without a mother. Despite the physical evidence of her doing just fine up until now, he’s still convinced she would be better off is she had one. And because this isn’t just your average desire of “I want a wife, and a mother for my kids”, he often and willingly goes to far with it.

His plan when he seeks out these women is never to kill them. But it always seems to be the outcome. Because nobody can live up to his Daffodil, his Queen, and nobody is good enough for his little princess.

Out of everyone in the family, Sully could feasibly turn his life around. Move again and just pretend to be normal. He could give up on this silly quest of his and just be a dad. Sure a dad with a horrible, insane past, but Sully has always killed out of what he perceived as necessity. Wether that’s the truth of the matter or not.

He’s very suggestible, and irritable and easily manipulated when he’s off his medication. Hence why Cade stole them in the first place. Cade doesn’t do well with authority, not even when it’s his own family. He wants to be in charge. All three of the Sullivan’s have OCD, it’s one of the illnesses that runs on their family. But they all have it at Differing levels. Sully is more driven by his obsessions, while Cade is more driven by his compulsions.

Obviously Dipper hasn’t shown many signs of anything yet, but she’s only seven. Sure she has to drink blood to survive, but that’s not her fault. And as of right now, she hasn’t directly done anything to cause the death of the people she gets her blood from. That’s all been her father. But I assure you, she will become the most unhinged in the family. Having been raised by Sully and partially her uncle, there’s no way in hell this girl is turning out “normal”. Her entire view point of morality is already being skewed.

But unlike her father, who is constantly searching for love, Dipper is the opposite and doesn’t believe in it. Not in the way that Cade “doesn’t”, where he just needs to be show what love can feel like, and that it’s a good thing. She genuinely believes it’s not real, and people are foolish for seeking it out. Yes, including her family.

Anyways, that’s all the back story spiel I’ve got for now…

Tag: @queer-and-utter-chaos @vincent-sinclair-deserved-better @mothmans-kingdom @shonkgobonk @myers-meadow @bluecoolr-main @solmints-messyocdiary

[sunnywalnut]

That just reminds me about how Warrior Cats attempted to make Neurodiverse/disabled characters part of a new age kind of prophecy in "Power of Three" which. As an autistic kid? I loved Dovewing. Because she reminded me of myself. Always overwhelmed because of her ability to hear EVERYTHING all the time. And her family and clanmates were always like whoa!! You're so cool!! Can you hear this? What about that? And she was always like... Sure? I guess? I mean it genuinely hurts my ears, but yeah I can. And in my little kid brain, I felt seen.

Because yes. Her "disabilities" were helpful. However nobody even thought to ask her about how it affected HER. This ability was GENUINELY referred to as a "super power" against her will (which. If you don't know. Is extremely fucking common in the autism community specifically with well meaning allistic parents).

And I know plenty of autistic people besides myself who headcanon her as autistic because of this.

And that's just ONE example I can think of off the top of my head. But that was also well over eight years ago when I was a child.

I wasn't familiar with X-Men or other "disabled" characters in media. Mostly because they just didn't interest me. I didn't care for the repetitive fight between good and evil. I liked fluffy animals with personality.

So to me, this opened up my whole world. Which is what representation is supposed to do.

But what happens if the only characters you see that are like you have to serve some sort of purpose? And what if that purpose is always fixing someone(manic pixie dream girl)? What if that purpose is always putting aside your personal problems in order to help other people(Dovewing)? What if your purpose is only ever to be smart and crass(Sheldon Cooper, Shaun from The Good Doctor)?

Because instead of being a regular nuanced character who, yes, is disabled, but has other things that they bring to the table, you find a whole surplus of characters and movies and shows singled out AROUND having a character with disabilities.

It's never "this is our main character. A smart girl who struggles to make new friends but does her best anyways:) she has her two best friends that have been with her through thick and thin since middle school and her hobbies are old books and looking at antiques. Also she happens to be autistic :)"

But it's ALWAYS "this is our AUTISTIC main character. She's smart because she's AUTISTIC and she struggles to make friends because she's AUTISTIC. She has ONE friend because she's AUTISTIC and they take care of her because she's AUTISTIC and they're embarrassed when she acts AUTISTIC. She has special interests because she's AUTISTIC and one of them is trains. Because she's not like other girls. She's AUTISTIC."

Like yeah man. We love representation. We love things that tie to them as characters. We love character quirks and we love realistic takes on people with disabilities.

But disabilities are just that. Disabilities. They disable us.

We're not always gonna be useful. We're not always gonna be smart. Or concise. Or overly kind enough to the point you can infantalize us and think it's okay. If a character has a cane, chances are they're NOT going to rig it to be a sharp shooter with lightning bolts. Cause they need that shit to stand. Not every disability aid needs to ALSO be a weapon. And not every disability(especially mental) needs to be a "superpower"

Like you can HAVE a disabled character who's super power is completely different than their disabilities. It's possible. Needs workshopping, but possible.

You can have autistic characters who are extremely smart and also good in battle.

You can have physically disabled characters and put them in mech suits without them actually being parts of their actual bodies.

You can have disabled characters building robots to attend to them throughout their day while also letting them have human friends.

Disabled people are incredibly smart and resourceful. It comes with the package of having things constantly be a struggle.

But those struggles look different for everyone. It's not one size fits all, even if they're all under the same diagnosis.

And that diagnosis is not a box for them to fit into.

It's a step to help them to climb higher so they can reach new things.

And it should be treated as such.

Recently I watched this tiktok about writing disabled characters and one of the tips was that your character's disability needs to have a plot point/purpose in the story.

As someone who's disabled, let me explain why I don't agree.

Now obviously if you want to add that plot aspect go ahead (within reason and respectfully) but I don't think it should be required.

Because it's not accurate. In real life, there's not a plot point/purpose of me being disabled. It's simply just how I exist. My disabilities don't serve a purpose. It's just how I am.

And I think that implying that disabilities need to serve a purpose goes down that slippery slope of "your disability is only acceptable if it benefits something somehow" or "this disabled person is only valid because their disability can help others in some way, be exploited maybe"

You wouldn't say this about any other trait. Or at least perhaps you shouldn't. People who have certain traits or other aspects of them are literally just existing, not to serve a plot point.

[aelaer]

“Nobody asked about my writing” meme

Thanks for the tag, @tea-understands :) Thankfully I have a small handful of folks who ask me about such things but I do love these memes.

 1: what are you currently working on? 

The Big Boy Fic! The finale of Earth-197320, which I'm 99% certain I am calling Above the Shadows. And I'll have a fun update on Write Every Day June in a couple days.

2: summarize your current project 

It's the fifth and final fic in a series that I started 4 years ago from an anonymous prompt sent to @amethyst-noir. I really clicked with it and she gave me her blessing to pursue it as a full-fledged fic, and here we are today.

Here's my first stab at a proper summary that I wrote for this questionnaire (tell me what you think y'all??):

2019 starts off in crisis-mode as rifts within the borders of reality begin spiraling out of control, drawing the resources of the Masters of the Mystic Arts thin. Tony now juggles the problems of a suddenly-absent Stephen, keeping his work with the sorcerers a secret, and Pepper's uncertain future. Stephen does what he can to maintain the stability of reality while keeping the promises he made. And somewhere out there, the other Stephen Strange is still hiding, putting his own plans into play.

3: summarize your current project poorly 

An author split up what should have been a single work into five separate stories because she wanted to fulfill Bingo cards in 2019, leading to a series that the readers are probably going to need to reread because there's so much detail in Fic 5 that calls back to stuff that happened in Fics 1-4. Fics 1-3 match the length of Fic 4, and Fic 5 is well over the length of Fics 1-4 combined, making for even poorer fic splitting choices. Whoops.

4: describe your favorite character or characters

I mean. Do I really need to? If you're on my blog you know who my faves are.

I guess quick summary as they are in the series in particular:

Stephen Strange: Has an enormous guilt complex that he's been working through a lot. He got better with the help of new friends. His work has endeared them to him quite a bit.

Wong: Has taken a leadership role, but not the title of Sorcerer Supreme for reasons not yet established to the readers. Carries his own secrets. Excellent poker face, but not emotionless.

Tony Stark: Has been blatantly ignoring the Accords ever since he went against Ross's back to find Steve in Siberia and has been continuing that trend since. Seeing the feds turn their eyes on Peter changed his opinion quite strongly. The Steve Issue is still difficult.

Other Strange: He thinks the Avengers and Masters of the Mystic Arts have failed their duties and that he can protect all of reality by himself. He just needs more power.

5: post a line from your current project without any context 

Closed my eyes and scrolled and went to a random page. This is what came up.

Oh, Jesus Christ. This explained so much about the man.

6: how do you get through writers block?

If it's not something health-related which just makes it physically very hard to work on items, I'll switch projects with my shorter fics. For a long fic like this, I'll put on a sprint and just power through 15 minutes at a time to get the harder bits out.

For health-related stuff (including mental), you sometimes just need to work on that first before you can be in the right space to write.

7: would you want to live in the world of your current work? 

Hell no. Superhero worlds are terrible for normal people.

8: briefly discuss your outlining process, if you outline 

I write an outline with the main beats of what I want in that chapter. Then when I get to the actual chapter, I'll sometimes expand the outline with more detail in that chapter section itself. I often go back to the main outline and add new things as I come up with them, or switch around elements in the story to a new chapter. This is how the planned outline has grown from around 12 normal chapters and 1 interlude chapter to 18 normal chapters and 2 interlude chapters (with potential for more growth seeing as I'm getting into some areas that have original outlining that I no longer am certain I want to use as they were ideas from over 2 years ago and the story's evolved a lot since then).

9: what is the aesthetic of your current project?

So much plot. Rewriting a lot of the end of phase 3 to push my Found Family agenda. Fix it vibes, but I think it's a natural fix it arc from the canon drama that could have happened in canon if the Russos gave a damn. A lot of character exploration into their own separate journeys and growth arcs. Pretty accurate on Marvel tones with action, drama, a bit of snark and humor. An itty bitty dash of canon romance but we all know I'm including it only because it needs to be there due to the plot and character arc reasons and not because I'm all googly-eyed for the genre.

10: what song sums up your current work the best?

Each chapter in the series takes a song lyric from a specific song and I identify that song with the story pretty heavily. For instance, Illuminating the Shadows took "The Light" from Disturbed.

For Above the Shadows, it's "Phoenix" by Fall Out Boy (who I'm seeing live in concert in a couple days, yay).

Tagging those who I know are writing/trying to write: @mckiwi, @sobeautifullyobsessed, @burglarhobbit, @amethyst-noir. No obligation either way. Also if I didn't tag you please feel free to take this (and you can poke me here if you'd like as a reminder that you're still actively writing fic regardless of the fandom and I'll try to remember for these sorts of things).

[v-akarai]

Why servamps are a failure

or rather why they can be nothing but an incomplite and never a living thing

Even the Mother, who seemed to be the closest of all siblings to finding the peace and the true answer for her "sin" and thus managed to calm her demon down, even she called herself nobody without a name. There is no way for servamps to become "somebody" once and for all, even with the help of eves. The best that eves can do is to help find true reasons behind servamps' "sins" and solve them out, like it was with Hyde, Ildio and will probably happen with Kuro.

Actually, no one wants to sin or meet the consequences. But when humans are afraid of losing something, they're prone to start abusing it. Lawless didn't want to see everything as worthless, or to carelessly change eves. He wanted to treasure and to achieve. For Ildio everything became tastless because he didn't know what to do with this infinite freedom.

Kuro wanted to get a bit of peace here and now, but because his troubles were too hard for him to solve, he got a false peace by ignoring his own anxious, depressing thoughts and problems that were causing them. It reminds of Ildio's case. Of course, it didn't work. Each one's mental state and problems were just getting worse.

I also doubt the sin always charactises the human part of servamp, I mean, the person that was turned into servamp, but it primarily charactises the demon. At least, we were shown the Wrath demon's urge to fight and rampage but not Freya's one. Yes, the demon affects her, as could be seen even during fight with Shamrock.

Freya still was ready to cut his head off and destroy him. She, the servamp named Freya, wanted that. When Izuna took away her sword, Freya seemed so shocked, as if asking: "why on earth did you stop me?"

It was only a brief moment, just the remaining excitment of the battle, it wasn't even her normal emotions, but this is how it is. Even after Izuna managed to see fear and hurting that hide behind wrath and came to terms with the demon, some things remained the same. As if servamps develop a taste for their sins very fast, and this is why eves should serve as counterweights, to remind servamps about their true wishes, reasons for their actions and feelings. And it'll be this way until there are demons, since sins are the key to their longevity, their endless resource with which they maintain life in servamps. Because of that demons cannot but keep on intoxicating human parts.

Over the course of time, the technique was, indeed, improved. Lily also started to 'atone' his sin, but still he wasn't free from it, begining from his strips and ending with the overprotection of Misono (if we can consider lust as not only carnal desire but also as strong feelings that make people do harmful things out of love).

Even Tsubaki calls himself unperfect. Because the living thing is an integral thing, it consists of the one and only part. It isn't a cup that broke down into pieces and then was glued back with some additional substance.

This is why the Count decided to 'deassemble' his creations, as they were when he found them, and instead of keeping the broken thing in a frozen state until enernity, he will (probably) try to make them reborn, integral and whole again. I have no idea how it can be possible, thou. Especially since his own "rebirth" involves using Tsubaki as the core (but maybe this time w/o the personality and any sin) and someone's (Tsurugi?) body, but well

Futhermore, looking at Lily and Hyde, it seems that demons and humans switch places? Kind of. Demons acquire the physical form, while the souls stay inside preserved, pending the rebirth.