#which makes sense because its really just self indulgent me getting a scene out of my head that i had at 6am

[syn4k]

23, 10, 5?

poetic, rambly, and thoughtful

i think one time i took an unplanned two month break after writing the first sentence of a chapter draft for ashes. over the years i have learned to not beat myself up for having inconsistent writing motivation because i figured out the hard way that doing that helps Nobody, Actually, least of all myself

"As long as it doesn't kill, poison, or otherwise harm me, yes," said Jordan. 

[masochistartt]

okay fuck it jamie self perception post

jamie has been signed to city since he was a child. this is how the academy system works - they recruit players (children) from local grassroots leagues and bring them into their club system, hoping to raise them up to play for their club in the future (or sell them off to other teams for profit). these players are typically between the ages of 9 and 10 when they're first recruited, but can be younger/older. they're evaluated every year, and players can be cut at any time.

i think jamie joined city when he was around 9, solely because of the fact that he said his dad started showing up when he got good at football, and georgie my beloved would not let jamie go on a trip abroad with a complete stranger to him when he was 14. i think james started coming back around when jamie was somewhere between 11 and 12, playing for city's u14 team, and his skill at that age level is how james heard about him (it's not uncommon to hear about great players who are that age. city recently signed a like. legendary 14 year old and i've heard about it (young boys should not be having their egos inflated like that at 14 but that's beside the point)).

that's a whole lot of rambling before i even start touching on the original point – the contract jamie's had signed since he was ~9 that dictates what he must and mustn't do. this is the idea that he's had of himself in his head from that very young age.

screenshots are provided from the 23/24 premier league youth development forms bc honestly i cba to go back and find anything older (i've tried looking and it's not working so you're getting this) but

the scholar here is the academy player. 5.1.3 and 5.1.4 are what interest me here. jamie was obligated to not only train & play to the best of his ability always, but he was obligated to maintain a high standard of physical fitness at all times from the age of 9.

think of the thoughts that might put in a young jamie tartt's mind. he had to be at his peak always. if he wasn't at his peak, he was disobeying his contract. he was owned by his club, and he knew that if they sell him, they'll make a whole lot of money off of him (there's a certain base fee x number of years the player was trained + extras = total homegrown player transfer fee algorithm but i don't want to do math rn so im not touching on that). i don't think jamie ever wanted city to sell him, so i think he put pressure on himself to be at his best always, to never let his standards slip, and when james came back into the picture, that pressure only grew exponentially.

it's also interesting looking at the "the scholar shall not" section of the contract. 5.3.1 is interesting bc like. if the club (city) didn't think his house on the estate was safe they could've fully just. Moved Him. but 5.3.3 is insane to me. especially the beginning. "the scholar shall not indulge in any activity or practice which might endanger his fitness". this means no fun roller skating birthday parties. this means jamie probably knew how to ride a bike before he was 9 bc if he "indulged" in learning when he was with city that might have endangered his fitness. no rock climbing. no tree climbing.

and if jamie took things as seriously as i think he did (boy really wanted to play football, that was his dream in life, i don't think he would've purposely done anything to endanger that dream), i think he missed out on some fun in his childhood solely bc he was Keeping His Body In Full Fitness For His Club.

which brings us to Adult Jamie. bc he was raised in this environment, raised with the mindset of My Body Belongs To My Club, My Body is an Asset for my Club, it makes even more sense why he'd put up with the auction at the gala without starting a fight (even if the whole manipulate keeley & possibly bribe bex thing happened behind the scenes).

his club (even though he was on loan, it was his club for the season), was auctioning off Its Own Asset (jamie's body) to the highest bidder for a night. jamie's body, from a very, very young age (does jamie remember much before he was signed to city? i don't think so) has always Belonged to His Club.

this is also part of the reason that i headcanon jamie doesn't like driving - driving is, in his mind an Activity Which Might Endanger His Fitness.

also. for the record. this stuff is also in the professional player's contracts too.

the player agrees to maintain a high standard of physical fitness at all times and not to indulge in any activity sport or practice which might endanger such fitness.

3.1.6 is another reason i think jamie went along with the stuff at the gala too. the player agrees to comply with and act in accordance with all lawful instructions of any authorised official of the club. rebecca/higgins/whoever put on the gala is an authorised official of the club. he kind of. had to by contract not put up a fight with them about this

the player agrees that he shall not undertake or be involved in any activity or practice which will knowingly cause to be void or voidable...policy of insurance maintained for the benefit of the club on the life of the player or covering his physical well-being including injury.

he still can't do anything that might get him hurt. i ignore that he engages in kink practice both in canon and in my own headcanons bc i think the heavier kink stuff really only comes in later seasons' timelines and even then he's engaging in that kink stuff with someone(s) who knows that this stuff is in his contract. they know his limits.

anyways something something jamie's body is an asset for his club (city and then richmond) and i think that says a lot about the way he views himself. you know ?

[alittlebitofloveliness]

5, 14, 15, 17

More outsiders asks? Heck yeah!

5. What are your favourite ships?

a) Curly Shepard x Ponyboy Curtis- idk why other than the fact that fanon Curly seems to balance out Ponyboy perfectly, and that I read a Curly fit on ffn when I was like fifteen that fundamentally changed my brain chemistry

b) Steve Randle x Sodapop Curtis- I don’t like any other within gang ship but Soda and Steve make sense to me and ngl my closeted ass clocked them as gay when I was reading the book because of the ‘pillow fight’ scene. I genuinely answered a comprehension question in class like ‘Ponyboy’s naïveté is shown through the fact he believes soda never drinks and that Soda and Steve were having a pillow fight when they slept together’ and my teacher had to be like oh sweetie no….

c) Marcia x Two-bit Matthews- Not a HUGE fan but they had such chemistry and I wish that could’ve been explored. I’m actually working on a fit about them rn, just because I wanna explore Marcia’s psyche. She was fun :)

14. Five headcanons I basically see as canon

a) Steve is secretly SUPER protective of Ponyboy, partially because he knows Sodapop would never be ok if something ever happened to Pony and he couldn’t stand it if Soda’s spark ever went out, but also because he wants Ponyboy to have the happy childhood he never had.

b) Darry absolutely dotes on Ponyboy, even though he’s strict, he’s lenient about letting Pony go places and works overtime to make sure he can afford to get Ponyboy everything he needs (and some stuff he simply wants), especially after Windrixville.

c) Johnny Cade is scary looking. Full stop. The gang just doesn’t see him that way so it doesn’t show in Ponyboy’s narration

d) Dallas Winston had a good mom and a happy childhood and her death was the catalyst that made him into the hoodlum he was.

e) Sodapop Curtis absolutely drinks, Ponyboy just doesn’t believe he does and Soda is not anxious to correct him because he doesn’t want Ponyboy to see him differently

15. Five headcanons that are entirely self-indulgent

a) Angela Shepard and Curly Shepard have to share a room because Tim refuses to share with anyone. Neither of them actually hates it half as much as they pretend they do.

b) Part of why Curly and Ponyboy became close was because Ponyboy was struggling with getting over his concussion, and the side effects were really stressful for him (dizzy spells, blurry vision, absentmindedness) and Curly kinda helped him with it because Curly spent 90% of his childhood concussed so he knew what Pony was going through

c) Tim Shepard and Sylvia are best friends and would kill for each other but not die for each other. However, they would avenge each other’s deaths.

d) Steve Randle wishes more than anything in the world that Darry Curtis was actually his irl older brother 

e) Two-bit’s little sister HATES Ponyboy Curtis because her older brother spends more time playing older brother to him than he spends actually being an older brother to her.

17. Are there any criticisms or salt you have with the book?

My criticisms with the book lie with the author. SE Hinton has proven to be homophobic and racist, and its written into the book, which is my biggest issue. I love the story of The Outsiders but do not want to support Hinton or her harmful, bigoted ideology under any circumstances. (For anyone out there who wants a copy of the book but doesn’t want to support Hinton, you can find a free pdf online, all you gotta do is google it)

On a slightly lighter note, I would have loved to have seen more of the female characters in the book. Marcia in particular had so much potential, and I wish we’d seen one actual scene with Sandy or Sylvia.

Thanks for the ask!!!!!

[kosmicdream]

How do you come up with ideas for your comics? And have you ever had to kill your darlings?

Usually when I end up with an idea for a story for a comic its because I can’t stop thinking about the ideas, which could really come from anywhere but usually involve my dreams in some way. A feeling, a moment, an experience, something i met, ect.. I enjoy how much dreams have the real and the unreal mixed in them, as dreaming is a real experience about something that isn't happening. It gives a lot of material to work with. Then, the habit is that i cant stop working on/thinking about the ideas that they end up becoming a project that I draw. It isn’t like the only way but that’s a pretty frequent path. I actually don’t come up with “new stories” too often that actually stick enough to get to a level where it feels like something I can work with. I’d say it happens once every couple of years there’s something too interesting to ignore. I actually try my best NOT to think of new stories or characters as I have a lot I’m working on already. It still happens regardless. but i sorta think that me trying not to ends up filtering out the weaker ideas so that only the strongest ones remain or whatever.

As for the kill your darlings thing.. I guess I’ve never super jelled with that concept even if I respect it as a pretty solid writing rule. I see that it makes sense and is very valuable. I just can’t say that I’ve really ever felt like I’ve truly gone against my own wishes? LOL ... That probably in the end makes me a weaker author, or maybe even stagnates my growth as one, but like. I write and make my stories out of personal pleasure and desire to seek that out.. I’m less interested in being the best author ever vrs making the story how I personally imagine it and think about when I go to bed at night, daydreaming about future scenes to draw. That doesn’t mean I don’t like kill my characters tho. I do that. But I’m not really a “cut things out if I love them a lot/are attached to them to make the story better” kinda author, at least not currently. I think this is why i get called very "self indulgent" but i also am like what would be the point of giving the audience the version of the story IM not actually thinking about. Id rather share as much of the version I feel is real, at least real to me. I also don't really change certain things in a story up until a certain point. If that's how Ive decided something goes, its how Its gonna go regardless. doesn't mean things dont change along the way, often times drastically, but there's often some core things that don't change because I am "married" to them as something that feels.. idk.. essential to being part of the experience, even if I come up with better "ideas" along the way. that's just some of my philosophy on things i guess though. Its more personal instinct than reason TBH

[thatsparrow]

post-dead man's chest rewatch thoughts

- (which number rewatch is this? how many times have I seen these movies since they first came out? couldn't possibly tell you)

- the opening scene is such a great mood-setter, and I think also exemplifies what makes these movies so fun when they're at their best (and from what I recall of the later entries, one of the most immediate places where they trip themselves up.) I am always having my most fun watching a pirates of the caribbean movie when it is being simultaneously earnest and self-indulgent—completely buying into its own concepts while also not taking itself too seriously—and that's what we get at the start of dead man's chest. the rain in the tea cups. elizabeth in her soaked wedding dress. will marched up in irons. on the one hand, it's a little cheesy, but it's all in service of something very sincere. the relevant information is that elizabeth and will were meant to be getting married, and that's been interrupted by will's arrest, but then we get all these fun set-dressing elements that aren't strictly necessary but heighten and underscore the emotions in visually dynamic, compelling ways

- all of that was a long way of saying that I like the opening scene, which I do! for all the above reasons, and because fundamentally I'm a sucker for will/elizabeth

- I think cutler beckett is a great villain, and tom hollander does such a fantastic job (obviously this is not within his control, but I love that he's a little short—the fact that he doesn't seem that physically imposing is then turned on its ear so effectively by his absolute surety and ruthlessness). narrative-wise, I also think it's a great way of raising the stakes from the 1v1 of jack and barbossa in the first film (which we still get in a sense with jack and davy jones, but now with the added looming threat of the entire east india company in the background)

- man, what's the point of the whole cannibal island sequence. just to call back to the "and then they made me their chief" line in black pearl? jack's afraid of the open ocean, so is the thinking that they moored at the first island they found (presumably where they also wouldn't be arrested for being pirates?) it just feels like such unnecessary, manufactured danger, and for what? okay, will found jack, and all but like 8 of the crew have been eaten/killed (relevant when jack tries to bargain with jones for his life) but surely there were more interesting, more plot-relevant, more character-driven ways of accomplishing that

- tia dalma is great, and so is naomie harris! I don't know if they were already planning for her to be calypso at this point, but I love the look of irritation she gives gibbs when he's like, "so was it the sea or a woman that davy jones loved?" and she says "both"

- I think this movie really glosses over jack's selfishness—or at least, it doesn't address it in the ways I want it to be addressed. we know he's selfish already, he makes it clear throughout black pearl that his first priority is himself, he's intending to screw will over from the jump if it means he gets the pearl back, but ultimately his and will's/elizabeth's goals align re: defeating barbossa, and so we don't actually see what would have happened if he had the choice to trade one of his allies lives for something he wanted. granted the stakes are higher in dead man's chest (his own life as opposed to the black pearl), but the whole movie, it's clear there is no one jack won't sacrifice if it means his own survival, and I don't think it's ever properly acknowledged. he tricks will onto the dutchman, tells him to say "jack sparrow sent me to settle his debt," which will doesn't have context for, but we do, and likely so does the rest of the pearl's crew listening, and that it's jack saying, will, tell davy jones that you're giving up your life for mine. and I guess, yeah, will has made it clear that he doesn't think of jack as a friend, and jack has no special loyalty to will at this point, but it's also not like there's no history between them—they were allies, they have taken turns saving the other, but now here's jack willing (no pun intended) to trade will's life for his own, seemingly without a second thought

- i love the design of the flying dutchman and jones' crew—a) it fucks tremendously and b) what a cool yet horrifying visual interpretation of these sailors who would have died at sea being literally reclaimed by it

- it's WILD to me that, in full view of the crew, jack makes the bargain with jones to trade 100 souls for his own (including will's!) and everyone, including gibbs, is like, hey sure thing captain, let's set sail for tortuga to find a bunch of dumb suckers we can trick into signing away their souls. no questions or concerns here. it's just baffling to me that at no point does anyone within the story question what's happening. jack, is your life really worth the lives of 100 other men? can we live with ourselves after misleading them into making this bargain? does will deserve this? do any of them deserve this? you already got like two-thirds of the crew killed while hiding out on cannibal island from jones and the kraken, and now you want to condemn 100 more men to death? at what point is enough, enough? maybe it's just me, but it feels like the movies sometimes swing into this place of expecting like, unquestioning loyalty from their audience when it comes to rooting for jack, like of course we all buy into the premise that saving jack is worth whatever it takes (to the point that rescuing him from the literal afterlife is the cliffhanger on which this movie ends)

- love the liar's dice scene, love stellan skarsgard's look of absolute horror when he realizes will is on the dutchman, love all of their interactions! the moment where bill is helping him escape and says something to the effect of, it'd be a lie to say I didn't feel the need to leave and find work at sea, but it'd also be a lie to say I didn't enjoy it

- man, the organ/music box motif, the complementary melody with tia dalma's, so good!! (although I feel like this watch, I only just appreciated how far forward davy jones is leaning over the organ so his tentacles can reach the upper rows of keys. like, he's really getting low over that organ)

- love the worldbuilding detail of how jones summons the kraken—practically, of course sending out this massive vibration would be the best way to catch the attention of something under the sea, and visually the build of the hammer rising and rising before the ominous heavy fall works so well

- (oh man, also, jones sending the kraken after that merchant ship and will escaping. one of jones' crew saying "maybe he was claimed by the sea" and jones immediate, furious "I am the sea" yes yes yes)

- when I was younger, I don't think I paid as much attention to what's happening politically between governor swann and beckett, but the whole sequence of him breaking elizabeth out of prison, that he's cashing in on the little loyalty and influence he still has, mercer murdering the captain at the docks, and governor swann now a political pawn for beckett to use on the promise of sparing elizabeth's life—all very compelling! so much of these movies seem to be about power in very immediate physical senses (who has a sword or gun, who's pointing it at whom, danger as something that can be escaped or overcome in the moment, an enemy in front of you that you can run from or attack), that then zooming out to beckett's institutional power, the dread that instills, how that motivates threatens compels norrington, elizabeth, will, and the governor—it's all so good

- i've said it before, I'll say it again, elizabeth disguising herself as a man while looking for will awoke something in me no less than any of her most iconic scenes in the first movie

- (I can't possibly call out all the specific shots I really love, that's what gifsets are for, but honorable mention to the shot of elizabeth's wedding dress sinking in the wreckage of the edinburgh trader with the music box melody in the background)

- way back at the beginning, when beckett mentions an arrest warrant for norrington, there's that reference to him having left port royal, and with most franchises, I'd assume that'd be their one-line way of saying the actor isn't going to be in this one, but no! I love having norrington show up in tortuga, drunk and disgraced, with no need to affect any of the restraint or decorum he had while being a commodore, and now he's blunt and reactive and so much fun to have on screen (would the old norrington have made that remark about elizabeth seeming attracted to jack? absolutely not! is it delightful that he's now in a position to notice and remark so freely on it, and that the observation hits so different coming from him, a man who sought elizabeth's love and was rejected, than it would from anyone else? yes absolutely!)

- but okay, speaking of jack and elizabeth—yes, I buy that elizabeth is attracted to jack, that he represents all the freedom adventure and excitement of piracy that she's found so enchanting since she was a kid, and of course I buy him trying to chase her as well, and I think it's a dynamic that nicely tees up the moment at the end of the movie when she distracts him with a kiss to handcuff him at the mast BUT I do quibble with its effect on the compass. like, there's attraction, sure, but it's a whole other set of implications to say that there are moments where jack is what elizabeth wants most in the world (cmon.)

- the isla cruces set piece!! god, sprawling dynamic swordfights that make the most of every aspect of their surroundings in inventive ways is such a staple and highlight of the potc films (though I do think this sequence also has some of the most examples of like, cheesy slapstick humor. which isn't a thing that bothers me on its face! but I do think the later potc films especially turn to those sorts of jokes as a way to undercut some of the sincerity, the old wink and nod at the camera, haha wasn't that crazy, looking at YOU sequence with dozens of jacks in the locker) — anyway, tremendous shout outs to jones' crew rising out of the surf, the flying dutchman exploding up out of the water, the absolute classic water wheel fight, elizabeth pintel and ragetti trading swords as needed while they jointly fight their way back to the ship, norrington stealing the heart! so fun, so much of the same energy of the cavern fight from black pearl (one of my absolute favorite scenes from the first movie)

- alright. okay. the kraken coming after the black pearl. what we've been building up to this whole movie. I like will using his prior experience of seeing the merchant ship being attacked to strategize how to best counter the kraken. I like that jack initially takes the last life boat and leaves! I think it's a very realistic conclusion to the, "to hell with everyone else, I am only interested in saving myself" attitude he's had for so much of the movie. I do like him looking back at the pearl being attacked and having a change of heart. I don't like that the movie seems to use that change of heart as a way of glossing over most of his prior actions (like, well he came back to help them fight this one time, and so see, he's fundamentally a good man, he was there when it counted, what about those 100 other men he was going to trade for his own soul? don't worry about it) the elizabeth/jack kiss would bug the absolute hell out of me except for the fact that it's her ploy to handcuff him to the mast, which is perfect. it's something will would never do, but elizabeth absolutely is calculating enough to realize the kraken won't stop chasing them if jack survives, and is ruthless enough to sacrifice his life for theirs. I like the look jack gives her once he realizes what she's done, a little disappointed, a little proud, fundamentally not surprised. I like that she's the one who forces jack to stop running (if he wasn't compelled to face the kraken, when would it have been over? how desperate would he have continued becoming in pursuit of saving his own life?)

- geoffrey rush descending the stairs as barbossa. peak ending. no notes. how I've missed you.

[away-ward]

Kill Switch Discussion Questions

On to Kill Switch, which I possibly might have even less to say about.

What did you like most about the book?

There was a scene were Emmy was hinted at. I liked that.

What did you like least about the book?

Winter. And Damon. and most everything else.

If there was one aspect of the story you could change, what would it be?

I really don't know. I wish I could tell you why these characters aren't connecting with me, why I didn't really like anything that happened, and why all of that somehow led to this blog.

Did I like it? No. Did it compel me to continue? Yes. But why?

I would have changed Winter's personality a little. I would have left Damon's redemption, if he absolutely needed one, to the end of the series. I would have changed a lot.

Was the book what you expected it to be?

Yep. I was about as interested as I expected to be.

Is Damon a sympathetic character?

I'm literally dying. Sure. Abuse sucks. He went through a lot of it. His responses make sense. I sympathize.

I just wish that his redemption didn't lead to him to becoming a caricature of his former self.

Do you understand his behavior in previous books more or less so now?

Yeah, of course I understand. I don't think anything he's done was a healthy response. It wasn't reasonable. Damon's still a mess, and no matter how much you explain the reasons, there is no magic wand that is going to wave his craziness away and make his behavior acceptable.

But again! I also never cared if his behavior was acceptable. Let him be messy!!

Where you surprised that Rika and Damon had such a strong relationship without Michael knowing?

Rika can't help herself from getting involved with things she knows she ought not. Damon likes messing with things that aren't his.

I struggle to understand why anyone finds Rika fascinating. So on that level, yeah I was surprised. But as far as the characters and this story go, this all made perfect scene.

Do you feel that the relationship between Will and Damon is co-dependent? 

Still yes. Neither of them function well without the other. One leaving causes a disturbance and disorder in the other's life.

Banks acts as Damon’s kill switch growing up. How so?

He used her to distract from his pain by creating a new pain, and she took an active role it in to keep him happy.

Who is the most powerful character in Kill Switch?

I don't know. Can't be Gabriel cause he dead.

I'm just gonna toss out Winter, because she's the only one who tamed Damon and got him back in line so he could stop terrorizing everyone. Could be Rika because she set this all in motion by supplying the information.

I think I continue to miss the point about why it matters.

Is Will closest to Damon out of the group, because he understands him and connects with him, or because Damon is another of Will’s vices?

Will doesn't feel like he can compete with Michael and Kai, because they take a more mature approach to things, while Damon indulgences Will. So in a way, Damon is another of Will's vices, but I don't think that's the whole reason why they're closest to each other.

Now reading Michael’s, Kai’s, and Damon’s story, who is the strongest leader so far?

Again, I'm crying. I can't figure out why this matters.

Michael is the leader regardless, because Damon follows to him. Whether it's out of ease because he doesn't want to be without them and he knows Michael wants the role, or because Michael is stronger in the role and Damon doesn't want the job, doesn't change anything.

It's not Kai, though. That's a hilarious thought.

Why is the Queen on his chess board a metaphor for how Damon operated during this book?

Ugh, chess. I haven't played in a million years.

The queen is the most powerful piece on the board, though it's not the end goal and it can be captured. The queen is also not limited in its movements, which directions it can go in, and how many squares it can move in a single turn.

So is the point that Damon could go anywhere and was a powerful player, but he wasn't the end all, be all of the game?

WAs winter the king? Rika?

It wasn't Banks because of course it wasn't.

I don't know. I think it's in how he moved throughout the story.

How do you believe spending 33 months in solitary confinement changed Damon’s perception of reality, changed him mentally, and changed him physically?

It made him worse. It would make anyone worse. I don't know the exact ways it changed him. He'd be more deranged, less resilient both physically and mentally. He falls apart in Corrupt, less than a year after being released, and it takes him nearly three years to start putting himself back together.

After reading about what transpired between Winter and Damon, do you feel Winter betrayed Damon and wrongly sent him to prison because she didn’t tell the truth?

In a way? Like she knew that she was a willing participant but she was violated. I don't think it was wrong, but she was not being fair.

Do you believe Damon raped Winter because he actively concealed his true identity? If you were Winter’s parent, would you feel like he had taken advantage of her impairment?

Yeah! And Yes. He definitely took advantage of her impairment. How else do you understand it when he's making the effort to trick her other senses to avoid her being able identify him.

I don't mean to say that Winter is without responsibility in this situation, but if you are concealing you're identify because you know this person wouldn't come near you under any other circumstances, and you gain their trust and then use that trust to have sex with them, you have to understand when that person feels violated. That's fundamental. And I maintain that consent requires full disclosure.

But she was aware that this person could be anyone. She put herself in the position, and I don't usually victim blame, but in this case she was a willing participant. I don't, however, blame her for feeling like she'd been violated.

She should have accepted that she let someone who had not disclosed their identity get close to her, instead of refusing accountability for the entire time.

Should Damon have served time in prison?

I believe if Winter had accepted accountability, (and if strings weren't be pulled behind the scenes) Damon could have avoided such a long sentence.

I don't know whether he should have gone to prison or not. It's not like Winter was 18, and was fully aware of all the facts. He took advantage of her. There consequences for that.

It may not seem fair, but it is justice. They don't always align.

Was Damon justified in his revenge towards Winter and her family?

I guess. Because Winter only hated Damon as much as she did because her dad lied about her injury. If he hadn't lied, then Damon might have been able to be honest and have a real relationship with Winter. And then if he hadn't encouraged Winter's feelings of being violated, she might have spoken up in defense of Damon.

Mayor Ashby attempted to ruin his life and his relationship with Winter, and for a period of time, he succeed. Damon wanting revenge makes sense.

Who is the stronger sibling, Rika, Banks, or Damon? 

Why are we back here? Not that I'm shocked.

I guess Rika, because the other two will move to defend her. They sort of revolve around her. I guess she is the King on the board.

I hate that we're still talking about this.

With regards to Winter’s “ghost”, do you believe she thought it might have been Damon or truly believed it was someone she didn’t know?

I think in the deepest part of her that she didn't want to acknowledge, for self-preservation, she knew there was a chance it could be Damon. Her ability to deny that was both a blessing and a curse.

Why did Gabriel let his wife molest Damon?

Because he thought that it would make him a man like him, cruel and feared? Because he never cared about Damon and his pain, and maybe his pain could one day be useful? I mean, it almost worked for his benefit. If those darn friends hadn't come alone and weakened him.

Do you feel more or less sympathetic towards Christiane’s character now that you understand what happened between her and Gabriel?

It changes not one bit how I feel about Christiane's character. I sympathized with her before, I feel bad for her now.

Do I think this provides an excuse for her excessive drinking and leaving teenage Rika to care for herself? No. She's mom. No amount of bad things happening make it okay for her to turn that part of her off and nearly drink herself to death. And it kind of sucks that she comes back to life only when Damon becomes available to her again.

The way Rika deserved a better mom...

huh. Maybe I do feel less sympathy for her. What do you know. The questions might be useful after all.

Should Gabriel’s death have been more horrific knowing how terrible of a person he was?

Hm. On one hand, his death was very anti-climatic. But there's also something great in it being treated as unimportant.

He was a terrible person. Let his existence fade without note.

Why did Damon marry Winter’s sister and not her?

Power trip? Toying with Winter?

I'd actually be interested in a thoughtful answer to this question.

What is Winter’s kill switch?

Damon? Dance? Those times when Damon would take her driving?

Why did the power switch to Winter in the dynamic between her and Damon after the bathtub scene?

Oof, I don't remember. I wanna say it's because Winter became aware of how much power she actually held over him; how weak he was to her.

Why was it so significant that Damon hid those tiny treasures in the catacombs and gave Winter the “instructions” on how to find them?

Huh. Again, don't remember this. But was it because he was introducing her to part of his world, but trusting her to navigate it alone?

Is sex Will’s kill switch?

Yeah.

How is the knowledge of Michael’s father responsible for the death of Rika’s father a change in the relationship between Michael and Rika?

Rika is vengeful, but that's her fiancé's father, so obviously that's an issue. To get her revenge, she'd have to risk stepping over Michael.

Why is Damon leaving the revenge on Michael’s father in her hands?

Because she's the King?

Or it's possible that he considers this revenge to be hers and not his, and she gave him the opportunity to get his revenge. He's returning the favor.

Maybe speed running these questions two years after I finished reading them the first time was not my best idea, but I wanted them complete.

Nothing called for this and I do wish I had better answers. Thanks for reading anyway.

[the-valiant-valkyrie]

For the fanfic questions thing:

Are there any writers that inspire you?

What’s the fic you’re most proud of?

Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write?

for 1. @pointsfortrying 🫵 rye you have altered my writing style in UNSPEAKABLE ways....... honestly everyone from the 'recent' dst rp scene (recent being since around 2021 onward. which sounds CRAZY when i say it out loud. that's amost 3 years ago) has been SO fun to engage with and everyone's styles are so silly and awesome... its so much fun having other people's writing methods slowly rub off on me.

for 2 that is. a really good question honestly. going off of exclusively the ones i've published on ao3 (not only for convenience's sake but also because those are all probably some of my best work to begin with) i would say it's a tie between Such Lovely Feathers On Your Turncoat and I Owe You One (or two, or three...), both ieytd related works.

i really like the former because it's one of my slim few fics that are simultaneously self indulgent, but also polished enough that i don't feel embarrassed to reread. it's also my most popular modern fic by a landslide, which makes a lot of sense- everyone loves a good torture fic. but the latter i really like because everything just flows so unusually nicely for it being as long as it is. honestly i surprised myself with just how smoothly everything felt. i took out several scenes that i only realized in hindsight didn't even really need to be there at all. i felt like it really taught me something about where i want to take my writing style in the modern day

as for 3. and just to keep this simple i'll stick with the dst cast. but characters that don't frequently get a lot of screentime from other artists are usually the ones i find harder to write. in feed the roses, for instance, i'm writing with the entire pre-dst cast, and characters like webber and wolfgang have been really giving me a run for my money. wicker would have been too but thankfully @zestinator5000 has been there to fill my mind with visions of gramma grandeur and it has become inordinately easier. ty zesty mwah mwah

[kinetic-elaboration]

September 29: The Conjuring 2

I first tried watching The Conjuring 2 years ago, after seeing the original for the first time, but I couldn’t finish it. I don’t even think I got very far; it just didn’t catch my attention in any way. But I thought maybe that was a me problem, that I wasn’t paying attention enough or giving it enough of a chance. So I tried it again.

I feel like I was right the first time, honestly. It was… fine. I guess. I have no desire to ever watch it again. I don’t always know with horror when I am not paying enough attention and that’s on me, because so much of it is really dependent on immersive atmosphere and just… getting into it, feeling like you’re in it—and when the movie itself isn’t grabbing me enough, isn’t bringing me to that immersive place and that’s a fault of the film.

This one’s biggest sin is being too long. WAY too long. Horror over 2 hours better damn well earn it and this did NOT need to top 90 minutes. It did not. For much of it, I felt like I would cut the nun stuff—then that turned out to be important but in a way that was imo pretty unbelievably coincidental. So she’s been having visions of this particular demon that lives in a house on an entirely different continent for like 10 years just so they can happen to encounter it now? I mean I guess the point is that it’s not a coincidence, but it seems pretty coincidental to me, something that only make sense for movie-plot purposes and nothing else. Also there was no nun in the Amityville house. Also that nun design is not at all frightening, it’s not doing anything for me at all.

So, I don’t know, maybe I would cut it because it really did feel like something that belonged in a totally different movie for most of the movie, and even at the end, its inclusion mostly felt like a very strange coincidence.

I would also just straight up shorten most of the scenes. Everything dragged. Everything dragged even though there were also fairly significant time jumps in the movie, which I did like—the sense that everything has gotten exponentially worse off screen. And I would cut the more… cute stuff, I guess? Like the movie was too self-indulgent. The Conjuring was good but it wasn’t SO good that I need to see Ed Warren singing like Elvis to a bunch of kids, or two slow stories about their individual backgrounds with ghosts, or a scene of them dancing at the end. I think the movie assumed I cared way more about them than I do.

This is something a bit frustrating with both Conjurings honestly: you can just SEE all the strings forming this franchise together; the franchise-machinations are so clear. ‘Here we are placing in elements that will later get their own movies. Aren’t you looking forward to a whole movie about the nun???’ (No.)

I would also cut or otherwise totally redo all the 'is this a hoax' stuff. Because I didn't believe for one second it was a hoax lmfao. So I would either really play into that from the get, with it being way more ambiguous, or I would just do the scares in earnest. The first might be more interesting, but also perhaps hard to pull off given what franchise we're in. But the second is fine too if it means trimming more of this excessive fat.

I found most of the scares a little… obvious, too. The first movie had a great atmosphere. This one… it’s so hard to explain because they’re really quite similar movies, which is perhaps also the downfall of 2. Like, if I wanted to watch this film I would just watch the first one. Initially, it’s captivating and interesting. The second time, it’s rote and paint-by-numbers. Some of the bigger apparitions, like the crooked man for example, were almost clown-like to me. It’s too much. It’s unbelievable.

You know what’s scary: the voice that doesn’t get picked up on the tape; the knocking on the door in the middle of the night; the swing set in the mist and fog. The end credits were legit the spookiest thing to me, with their disturbing jump-cuts inter-spliced with more normal scenes.

I still want to see Annabelle. I’ll make sure I have some sewing for that too—hopefully sewing that goes better than today’s did, as I suspect I’ll be pulling all of this out…

[minkiverse]

POLY!ATEEZ FIC RECS PART 1

Part 2 - Kim Hongjoong - Park Seonghwa - Jeong Yunho - Kang Yeosang - Choi San - Song Mingi - Jung Wooyoung - Choi Jongho

A collection of Ateez fics that I think everyone should know about!!! This has been QUITE the project, but I'm so happy to have done it. Unfortunately not all my recs could fit on one post so there will be at least one other part to this list, as well as individual member lists. (i really thought i could fit them all on one post lmaooo) I hope you enjoy and support these authors!!

DISCLAIMER none of these works are mine and majority are MATURE 18+, please review all warnings before reading!!!

Key:

✨ - My Favs

🔥 - Smut (MINORS DNI)

⛈️ - Angst

💗 - Fluff

🍑 - Humor

POLY!ATEEZ

Sway With Me - @luvt0kki 🔥⛈️ Sci-fi ✧ Ongoing

the world 🤌 the story 🤌 the SMUT 🤌🤌🤌 but truly this fic is such a fun take on a sci-fi adventure. im already obsessed with the mc, AND HER AND WOO'S CHEMISTRY?!?! off the charts sooooo good like 👏👏👏 the interlude has me a tiny bit nervous because now i know how well this author writes angst and yeah its gonna be a doozy 😩😩

Wonderwall - @atzfilm ✨🔥⛈️ Yandere ✧ Faerie AU ✧ Ongoing

i realized pretty quickly that yandere is much more popular in this fandom than in previous ones i've been in, so i never really read any. HOWEVER, i get it now i do lmao. this was the first one i read, and i was HOOKED like i couldn't stop reading! the story just like took over my brain, and i am thinking why am i sympathizing with the guys BUT I AM BECAUSE THEY ARE COMPLEX AND SO INTERESTING AND WELL WRITTEN!!!!! its hard to put into words how much i love this series

The Answer - @berryunho ✨🔥⛈️ Cult AU ✧ Ongoing

i genuinely don't think i've ever read a fic like this, and i mean that in literally the best way possible. i was STRESSED reading this like there are so many scenes that make me question everything, but like there is no one to trust about what is actually happening. idk if i'm making sense but this fic just needs to be read to understand the legit anxiety it gives me in certain chapters lmaooo😭😭

Deep Down - @seventhcallisto 🔥⛈️💗 ABO AU ✧ 9th Member AU ✧ Ongoing

this is just self indulgent fun AND THAT PEOPLE IS WHAT FANFICTION IS MEANT TO BE!!! like im just kicking my feet reading about this 9th member ateez finding out she's an omega!~ i'm having the TIME OF MY LIFE!

Into the Aurora - @honeyhotteoks ✨🔥⛈️💗 Idol AU ✧ Complete

this soooo quickly became my main comfort fic for ateez! like i have reread this TOO many times. sometimes i'll just revisit specific chapters, but i know the exact chapter number.... is that concerning? lmaooo~ but truly this is more than just a you date every member of ateez fic (WHICH ARE GREAT DONT GET IT TWISTED!!) but the more we learn of the mc the more i adore her and her relationship with the boys!! it's just a must read ok 👏👏

Inception - @remedyx ✨🔥⛈️💗 Dragon!Teez ✧ Royalty AU ✧ Ongoing

my brain is still stuck in this world tbh, like its maybe a bit embarrassing how many times i look at the map and moodboards and just vibe and think about this fic lmaoo! but honestly the world building is so thoughtful and its so easy to just immerse yourself in it which is amazing!!!!!!!

Dragon from the Window - @thelargefrye ✨🔥⛈️💗 Dragon!Teez ✧ Fantasy AU ✧ Ongoing

this collection of one shots, drabbles, headcanons, and world building i went through SO QUICKLY I WAS IMMEDIATLY OBSESSED. i am so genuinely invested in this story and how each member react to their connection with the mc!!!! ALSO the mc is a witch SO BIG BONUS POINTS!!!!~

like the moon - @sunmoonjune ✨⛈️💗 Warrior AU ✧ Clan Systems ✧ Ongoing

try not to cry challenge - FAILED, MULTIPLE TIMES 😭😭 this is major hurt/comfort, but its truly such a beautiful story!! i would do anything ANYTHING for gray!!!!! all of them deserve the absolute best in the world and i just adore them so much 🥹🥹🥹

Morning Mist - @mint-yooxgi ⛈️💗 Dragon!Teez ✧ Yandere ✧ Ongoing

another story with an mc that is just 🤌🤌🤌 like she is so badass i'm in love but also scared lmao,, but i think if you are new to yandere, this is a good starting point! like yes they are obsessed but not like terrifyingly so if that makes sense~

MULTIPLE MEMBERS

This Night Together - @honeyhotteoks ✨🔥⛈️💗 Yunho x Reader x Mingi ✧ ABO ✧ Ongoing

listen i'm a bit of a slut for ABO fics and this one!!!! THIS ONE IS SO FUCKING GOOD!!!!!!!!! im like just in love with all of them not just yungi n reader but EVERYONE (except u minseok u bitch) like not only is the main plot so good but the side plots for the other members is just incredible,, i just love this story too ok if you see this author know that every fic they write is going to be a comfort fic for me 🥹🥹

Project Omen - @atzfilm 🔥⛈️ Hongjoong x Reader x Wooyoung ✧ Hybrid AU ✧ One Shot

Bouncy - @hongism 🔥Yunho x Reader x Jongho ✧ Mechanic AU ✧ One Shot

splish splash - @atozfic 🔥San x Seonghwa x Wooyoung x Yunho x Reader ✧ Swimmer AU ✧ One Shot

sharing is caring? - @byuntrash101 🔥Hongjoong x Reader x Mingi ✧ Idol AU ✧ One Shot

Untitled - @orgverse 🔥Seonghwa x Reader x San ✧ Idol AU ✧ One Shot

Untitled - @cheollipop 🔥San x Reader x Wooyoung ✧ One Shot

Threesome with Yungi with woosan watching - @k-hotchoisan 🔥Yunho x Reader x Mingi (San and Wooyoung) ✧ One Shot

one more rep - @cheollipop 🔥San x Reader x Wooyoung ✧ Personal Trainer AU ✧ One Shot

blue bird - @seonghwaddict 🔥💗San x Reader x Wooyoung ✧ Mafia AU ✧ One Shot

What's the Time, Mr. Wolf - @starlitmark 🔥Yunho x Reader x Mingi ✧ Hybrid AU ✧ One Shot

the good friend + the better friend - @byuntrash101 ✨🔥San x Reader x Mingi ✧ Idol AU ✧ Two Shot

as a sangi bias this fic changed my life maybe?!! the smut is just toe curling ESPECIALLY PART TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!! literally i could drool just thinking about this fic 🤤🤤 i need this to be my reality ASAP

Untitled - @ja3hwa 🔥Seonghwa x Yunho x Mingi x Reader ✧ Business (?) AU ✧ One Shot

knockout - @igbylicious 🔥San x Reader x Wooyoung ✧ Boxer AU ✧ One Shot

Untitled - @sanspuppet 🔥Hongjoong x Reader x Seonghwa ✧ One Shot

Untitled - @thetypingpup 🔥San x Reader x Mingi ✧ One Shot

Time of Love - @desayunho ⛈️💗 San x Reader x Wooyoung ✧ SMAU ✧ Complete

compromise - @cyberpxnk 🔥⛈️ Seonghwa x Reader x Yunho ✧ College AU ✧ Soccer AU ✧ One Shot

Untitled - @cheollipop 🔥San x Reader x Wooyoung ✧ One Shot

cheerleader - @byuntrash101 🔥Seonghwa x Yunho x San x Ming x Reader ✧ One Shot

from eden + Pt. 2 - @atzfilm 🔥⛈️ Seonghwa x Reader x Yeosang ✧ Vampire AU ✧ Two Shot

whichever way - @igbylicious 🔥💗 San x Reader x Wooyoung ✧ Neighbors AU ✧ Ongoing

Under the Comforter - @thelargefrye 🔥Seonghwa x Reader x San ✧ Idol AU ✧ One Shot

Double Trouble - @kitten4sannie 🔥 Wooyoung x Reader x Jongho ✧ Hybrid AU ✧ One Shot

What Should We Become? - @sluttywoozi 🔥💗 Yeosang x Reader x San ✧ One Shot

like a dream - @cheollipop ✨🔥💗 Yunho x Reader x Mingi ✧ One Shot

this is like so incredibly hot, literally all i need in life is to be in between these two men 😩😩😩 but it is also so sweet and both boys are so doting to the mc and the end!!!!!!!!!! so loving and cute and aaaaaaaaaaaa 😭😭😭

SCENARIOS/TEXTS/HEADCANONS

ateez as royals who fall for you (hyungs, maknaes) - @eightmakesonebraincell 🔥⛈️💗 Royalty AU ✧ Scenarios

subby ateez - @seventhcallisto 🔥Headcanons

Ateez cumming too soon - @sluttywonwoo 🔥Headcanons

soft cuddles with ateez - @beenbaanbuun 💗 Scenarios

first kiss with ateez - @beenbaanbuun 💗 Scenarios

Ateez and pussy slapping - @kitten4sannie 🔥Scenarios

Bedroom Mishaps (hyungs, maknaes) - @seohwang 🔥💗 Scenarios

Ateez 'n free use - @seventhcallisto 🔥 Scenarios

Cupping their Cheeks - @yeorisanaxox 💗 Scenarios

Ateez as Exes + Pt. 2 - @kisshwa 🍑 Texts

Friends to Lovers Headcanons - @kpopnstarwars 💗 Scenario

boyfriend!ateez discovering you write smut - @eightmakesonebraincell 🍑 Texts

Ateez being overstimulated (hyungs, maknaes) - @ateezscupid ✨🔥 Scenarios

listen i just like sub!ateez a lot 😭😭 but like these are such a go too for me when i NEED some dom!reader content like it is so cute/hot/toe curlingly delicious 🤤🤤🤤

mtl of who would like choking - @sxcret-garden 🔥 Headcanons

texts when they think you’re asleep - @beenbaanbuun 💗🍑 Texts

[oldkitty]

Ahsoka episodes 5 & 6 - thoughts. *Spoilers, spoilers, spoilers*

There is plenty to love about Ahsoka so far, but there is plenty I find frustrating. First the positives; it continues to look and feel expansive and it is beautifully shot. Rosario Dawson is sublime as our hero and the rest of the Rebels gang are fun to watch. Baylon, Shin and Elspeth never looked more villainous. The fight scenes are thrilling and the whole look of the show is immersive. This show is done with profound love and plenty of wonderful homages to other genres by its creators.

Now for my own personal frustrations. The show has for some reason not attempted to build any of the characters from scratch for the uninitiated, so I feel they - our heroes and villains - are bereft of urgency, passion and narrative, e.g. Hera will do everything - including risk her career and son to help Ahsoka. Why? Yes, yes, I know, watch Rebels and "once a rebel, always a rebel", but for someone not versed with her background, her sense of loyalty at all costs is not explained at all, i.e. there is no foundation to build on, you are just expected to accept this situation in good faith. It really feels like coming late into a theatre to watch a play mid way. You just about get who is who. You don't get a sense of why.

Episode 4 came the closest to scratching the surfaces of our heroes and villains, only for most of Episodes 5 & 6 to plaster over these scratches instead of digging deeper. Yes, there was the long drawn out live action Anakin and Clone wars dream/flashback sequences to give our hero the impetus to keep fighting, but for me it felt indulgent and slightly negligible solely because you do not see any conflict with Ahsoka prior. She is so self assured, so determined with her quest to find Thrawn I felt that even without Anakin giving her the support to choose to live, she would have resurrected and continued on regardless.

The show's greatest strength for me continues to be Sabine's prickly yet fond relationship with Ahsoka, because at least you get a sense of a friendship that is a little broken but not irredeemable , and with Sabine, I get a sense of personality, of conflict, of what drives her actions. She desperately wants to tap into the Force, she misses Ezra and she clearly has love and respect for Ahsoka, but there is resentment there. Instead of leaning into these potential kindle to a potentially explosive blast of self-realisation and character growth - we get a very linear quest to find Thrawn and Ezra - two motivations that elicit very little emotional investment. I only care because Sabine clearly loves and misses him.

Which brings me to the big bad of the show. Does Thrawn make THE convincing villain so far? I mean he looks great, acts with disdain with his most loyal followers and shows little regard for Baylon, Shin and the space whales. Plus he has a big bad ship with legions of troops and he relies on the scary red Witches. But are those enough to make him compelling? Does he make me fear for Sabine and Ahsoka's lives? Does he make me quake in my boots at what he could do to the rest of the galaxy?

There are two more episodes of this show. It will no doubt dazzle visually, and I hope they capture some passion and emotion, some impetus and inner conflict with our heroes and villains. Because the story progression is painfully superficial for me. It really needs to build a sense of urgency, a sense of dread, or just something - other than nostalgia for animated shows - that would make me genuinely root for our heroes while genuinely fear the villains in the here and now.

[thedarkmistress16]

please gush about your passions and pastimes!!! I would love to hear about them

ack- im happy you want to hear about them!

Passions:

obvs as y'all know recently and just in gen., i guess, writing- i love crafting worlds and stories where anything can happen and just creating scenes above all else, like getting lost in the details of everything. I love getting lost in my own world and making myself happy as most self-indulgent writers do (and showing off my legitimate skill in a proper form of writing after doing shitpost-y things for so long is pretty rejuvenating, XD). And upon going back to some of my older, posted works and wips, I still laugh at the dumb shit I thought was the best stuff ever and now find myself giving those ideas a refresher like my last writing update, because it's still a legitimately enjoyable read.

i love sketching for similar reasons, but more so to visualize a fuzzy, almost-there idea, usually about fashion. Like recently I re-drafted some outfits for a fic idea I had, in order to make the world and designs make sense in my head. And I redesigned an existing outfit, running with certain themes and embellishments in design. I'm so happy I can churn out simple sketches like that when i really put my mind to it and feel content with the finished product nowadays. I feel accomplished as a hobby artist now and it's all thanks to heavy online research, a few how-to books, and putting effort into one art class. It's the second hobby of mine that I want to be good at, almost as much as my writing. Speaking of, I sometimes draw what I write or dream about because it's that prominent in my head.

Wow i love music guys- ha, but you already knew that *lenny face*

Past times:

I really like playing the simpler games in life- not as much in the vein of it being less difficult or busy, but more so with fewer controls, interesting mechanics, and a captivating style that I can easily fuck around in or beat some levels for a few hours. Bring on the (spider) solitare (only 4 suit sucks ass why do i do this to myself), jewel quest (FUCK YOU CROWS), barbie's fashion show (SINGLE DREAM-), zoo tycoon (fuck guest happiness), and sonic adventure or x-men of course.

MMD vids are v neat, like I know a handful of choreos that are fun as past midnight exercises to get my blood pumping and i get to discover new songs and learn more about other languages at the same time! Also the aph as mmd crack vids are the best whether its them making 'i hate this' or 'yeah im hot shit' faces or being completely into it as they're forced to dance or simply copying a vine. Like, they give me brainrot and serotonin at the same time its so fun. I love seeing all the different outfits for mmd vids in general, too, on top of new covers i never would've known about.

I really love analyzing things in general, actually. It's how I learn most of the things I do and know now, even though it technically causes me to lose large chunks of time because all i'm doing is staring at the damn thing, XD. Sometimes (all the time) I'll look at a gif or vid of a character changing their facial expression as they do/say something and I'll be completely enthralled by it. Something similar happens when I stare at REALLY GOOD artwork. I think it's the technical part of my brain trying to figure out the individual elements which make up whatever that thing is, like what facial muscles are being used to convey that emotion or mix of them, what the character is feeling, how the lighting or shading of the environment or extra details in editing affects said expression, etc. And for art, I'm thinking of the lines, posture, composition, object placement, color palette, negative space, tone, and all that jazz you learn from studying art.

Scrapbooking is a fun pastime for me that's extended from celebratory cards to actual gifts to my personal sketchbooks. It's part of the "creating something out of nothing/seeing what you can create with some basic templates and decorations" kind of mindset. And it makes me happy because I get to be creative and my family members and friends (even my employer) love them as part of their gifts every time and come to expect it from me each holiday, so I'm constantly encouraged to do it in the best way. I've recently kinda gone overboard on using ribbons and charms for the spiral and stickers and washi tape for the actual book itself on my sketchbooks, but I find myself wanting to draw in it more because I did that, lol.

I love rewatching the things I love. I usually have the same commentary about it, but its nonetheless enjoyable. And I never know what new thing I'll discover about it next, even if i've seen it over 50 times and only have it on as background noise and don't actually watch it. And yes, I will easily let something play on repeat at least that many times in my lifespan as well (like, a full day of it, at least).

wow i love staring at characters im attracted to for hours on end can i get a HUYEA-

[nights-at-crystarium]

The way the Exarch says "Break" and "Il Mheg, the faerie kingdom" are two of my most favourite goddamn lines PURELY because he just feels so smug and like how he was in CT and it's so,,,,, I love him anyway point being, the way you drew that scene even in one page alone is like 500 bajillion pages in my heart, if that makes sense.

It makes total sense! The sheer glee in his voice. I didn't have to, and didn't plan to include this scene, but then the fanboy in me won the negotiations, that's how we got exactly ONE page of Exarch fanservice x'D

More replies under the cut~

Vivi looks so cool in the Crystarium armour. Did you intend to exclude the shoulder armour, bc it looks really good, like he looks like,,, a prince,,, but like a faerie tale prince. Like in the purest sense, he looks so nice in it,,, ough

ART IS HARD, armor takes a while to draw, so I prefer to avoid it whenever possible ;w; But also I have a convenient in-character explanation for Vivi: he stopped wearing armor pretty early on in his career, as he realized that he never gets hit thanks to the Echo telegraphs.

he looks like,,, a prince,,, but like a faerie tale prince

We're off the beaten track, not many people will stop and read our nonsense, so lemme indulge you and other dedicated readers: you might be on to something here o/////o

Ryne looks so curious to see him. I wonder what Thancred has told her about Vivi.

Oh my fucking G O D he probably kept quiet as a grave. Daughter mustn't know.

All the pixies coloured in your comics look like light being split in a glass shard. They're so,,, prismatic and colourful and vibrant. How do you choose to colour them? :O

As a self-taught artist I can make something work, but EXPLAIN it? Boy oh boy.

You've already pointed out that they're all vibrant, as in, staying on top of this color box, not going down into the more muddy zone. This makes the pixies stand out on my backgrounds which I'm aiming to keep somewhat realistic color-wise. As for the color combos, I think I'm "skipping" a color from the rainbow? Orange is absent on the left pixie, and yellow and teal are absent on the right one. That creates more contrast. I wouldn't mix, say, neon red and green, those clash and look unpleasant. They're opposite on the color wheel. Making them pastel (adding white color) reduces the clash and makes them easy on the eyes. OH I also use gradients and highlights, as in, add a slightly different version of the main color to make it pop. Example: the wing tips on the left pixie.

It's very sweet that Feo Ul thinks this of people, esp bc FFXIV doesn't pull its punches abt how Bad they can be (and playing as a character who sees so much of that bad).

I'll just go :3c and let Vivi speak about this. Soon (tm) :3c

A bit of a ramble, but it's more special bc there are many notable moments where the Warrior of Light is compared to a herald of death, such as (but not limited to) the dark knight quests and Elidibus' jabs at them in the patch quests. Also the fact that most of the time, when you have to save a life, you often have to kill.

...And about this. You've hit the nail on the head once again. Vivi might be feeling so nice on the First because there seems to be less of that.

I imagined the First being somewhat chilly, like the temperature is like cloudy weather chilly. I think this also has a lot to do with the colouring being somewhat on the colder side, so it feels colder, if that makes sense?

Yes yes YES YES YES I hc the same!! And I'm trying to keep the colors on the colder side while the wicked white's there.

Vivi's expression is a little difficult to describe for me, mostly because there just feels like there's so much in it. Is he surprised because Feo Ul compared him to the sun, or because they mentioned that they wanted to see the sun again? Is it understanding? Logically, of course Feo Ul has been affected by the light as well, but they hardly show it. Is it hearing them say this out loud that puts this expression on his face? Is it compassion, not in the sympathetic sense (not to say that he doesn't feel sympathetic, but that it's not the first thing he feels atm), but part of the understanding aspect, like he is seeing that they also have a longing?

This has gotta be the most complex viviface I've drawn yet. It's all you've described, plus, like, waking up? *fights off the urge to say LA HEE*

He takes it easy and rests a lot as Exarch suggested many many episodes ago, yet Feo Ul manages to find the elusive path to his heart, and gently shake him awake. You're still in a fucked up world bro.

Feo Ul doesn't want anything from him, that's the biggest catalyst for the rapidly growing friendship. They've already managed to win over his trust, and I imagine this gentle plea wasn't planned at all, it just escaped their lips as they rambled on. The most genuine kind of a wish. They're opening up to each other just for the hell of it, because they feel safe to do so. Also Vivi rarely opens his eyes this wide. There's something raw and intimate and vulnerable going on between these two, and you, the invisible observer, are privy to it, as per the law of storytelling. This could be why this panel really bites into your heart ;w;

Thank you so much for showering me with all these words and love, I'm gonna hoard and cherish them like the dragons from the previous episode \o/

✧✦✧ "Fragments" - episode 30 ✧✦✧

This hero's deaf to the loud cries for salvation, but a gentle plea of a friend will reach him. Probably.

New reader? Start here: @ffxiv-fragments

[damonalbarn]

Hey I was wondering if you knew the article that Justine spoke about suzi in?!

It was in The Guardian in 2000. Here you go:

Sweet revenge

In the mid 90s, Justine Frischmann and Damon Albarn were the First Couple of Britpop. Then he used a Blur album to rake over their break-up, while she languished in obscurity amid rumours of heroin addiction. Now she's back with a new album, and it's her turn to exorcise her demons.

Caroline Sullivan

Friday March 24, 2000

As Alison Moyet once said, it's hard to write a decent song when you're happy. Rock bands thrive on romantic turmoil in their private lives, without which they would be reduced to padding out lyrics with football scores and the weather.

Thus it was for Blur's Damon Albarn in mid-1998 when he sat down to write what would become the 13 album. His eight-year relationship with Justine Frischmann of the chart-topping Elastica, whom he once described as **"the only person who's ever been completely necessary to me" **had just ended, at her instigation. Pained and humiliated, he decided to exact revenge by exposing their most intimate details to public scrutiny.

The outcome? Embarrassment for Frischmann, a number one album for Blur and a bit of a result for Albarn.

Break-up albums are by definition both embittered and yearning - in the case of Marvin Gaye's vindictive Here, My Dear, they're just plain nasty - but 13 got more up-close and personal than could be considered gentlemanly. Albarn portrayed his former partner as neurotic, even slipping apparent drug references into the single Tender: "Tender is the ghost, the ghost I love the most/Hiding from the sun, waiting for the night to come". Frischmann was the ghost, supposedly, who was on the verge of being consumed by what one music paper euphemistically called "the darkness at the heart of Elastica".

Frischmann's response can be found on a song called The Way I Like It, which appears on Elastica's first album in five years, The Menace (out next month): "Well, I'm living all right and I'm doing okay/Had a lover who was made of sand, and the wind blew him away".

This is unlikely to be her last word on the subject. As she ambivalently begins her first round of interviews since 1996, she's finding that everyone has the same three questions. Why did Elastica nearly sabotage a promising career by taking so long to follow up their million-selling debut? Had Frischmann taken leave of her senses when she walked out on Mr Britpop? And what about the drug rumours?

"One journalist said to me, 'Dahling, I heard you were on heroin - Mahvelous!' " she says with some amusement. "Drugs are around, but I'm not that interested and never have been, although there have been elements of party animal in my band. The rumours are a lot to do with rock'n'roll mythology, where people want to believe you're having a more exciting time than you are."

The only drugs on her person today, as she perches on the edge of an armchair in her publicist's north London living room, are Marlboro Lights. Her other indulgences are two cups of herbal tea and a Cadbury's Flake cupcake, which she nibbles with well-bred pleasure. Her dark eyes are clear, and her long, tanned body is a testament to the virtues of a daily swim in a pool near her Notting Hill home. Only Elastica know whether they really succumbed to heroin and hedonism after their self-titled debut made them more famous than they'd ever expected to be, but if they did, Frischmann, 30, seems little the worse for it.

Given the current predominance of damnable boy bands, the Britpop mid-90s are beginning to seem like a halcyon period for English music. It was a time when the underground went overground, and a self-described "little punk band" like Elastica could sell 80,000 albums in a week.

More than a few loser guitar groups saw Britpop as a licence to print money, but Elastica, led with cool elan by the androgynous Frischmann, were one of its gems. The Blur connection was a marketing godsend (Frischmann and Albarn met on the London indie circuit, she as guitarist in an early line-up of Suede and girlfriend of frontman Brett Anderson, he as a cherubic baggy hopeful), yet the spiky-haired Elastica LP embodied that euphoric time like nothing else.

Frischmann, guitarist Donna Matthews, drummer Justin Welch and bassist Annie Holland were unprepared for the album soaring to number one in its first week. When they signed their record deal, Frischmann, whose great-grandfather was a conductor of the Tsar's orchestra at the Summer Palace in Byelorussia, was five years into an architecture degree at London University. A liberal north London Jewish upbringing - her engineer father built the Oxford Street landmark Centrepoint - had instilled expectations of success, but the reality of being photographed in the supermarket and having her rubbish stolen was a shock. Fiercely independent, she also resented her unsought role as half of Britpop's First Couple.

There was more. Two of Frischmann's musical heroes, The Stranglers and Wire, decided that two Elastica songs were suspiciously similar to two of their own tracks, and won royalties. Meanwhile, there were malicious rumours that Albarn had done much of the work on the record. He hadn't, but he did find Justine's success in America, where she was substantially out-selling Blur, hard to endure.

"It was very hard for him to deal with and he's very confrontational," she says, with the flattering openness of someone who prefers interviews to be more like conversations. She admits she often says too much, but in an era of image control and spin, her honesty makes her a one-off. Not that she's likely to land herself in it too badly - she possesses the intellectual ammunition to look after herself, which must have been instrumental in attracting two of rock's more articulate stars, Albarn and Anderson.

She's been accused of being a professional rock girlfriend, though it was probably they who were lucky to get her. She spent the cab ride over reading the Sylvia Plath letters in Monday's Guardian, and muses on the irony of the poet's subjugating herself to Ted Hughes when she was the more gifted. (Her new boyfriend, by the way, is an unknown photographer, "though that'll probably change, because men seem to get famous when I go out with them".)

"I reacted the way a lot of women do, by being passive," she continues. "He put a lot of pressure on me to give up Elastica. He said, 'You don't want to be in a band, you want to settle down and have kids.' " In so many words? "In so many words. He kept putting on pressure till I started to believe him." She adds bemusedly: "I've met his new girlfriend, and one of the first things she said was that he wanted her to give up travelling with her work to stay home with the baby [Missy, born last autumn]. I'm surprised he's got away with being thought of as a nice person for so long."

After 18 months, during which they did seven American and three Japanese tours, Elastica came off the road to record company demands for an immediate second album. Annie Holland's response was to quit the group, while Donna Matthews became renowned for hard partying on the nocturnal west London scene. They lethargically recorded some demos, but their heart wasn't in it. By 1997, when a second album should have been ready to go, Frischmann and Matthews were barely speaking, and there was nothing useable down on tape.

Holland's replacement, Sheila Chipperfield (of the circus Chipperfields), was deemed not good enough and left by mutual consent. By 1998, their continued lack of productivity was being likened to the Stone Roses' lengthy and ultimately self-destructive holiday between their first and second LPs.

"I didn't think Elastica were going to continue at that point, and we did kinda split up," she says, absently stroking her publicist's cat. Frischmann is a cat person; she's owned a tabby called Benjamin since she was 10. "Unconditional love," she coos. The pet's place in her life is so assured that prospective boyfriends are subjected to his feline scrutiny before she'll go out with them.

On top of everything else, in early 1998 her relationship with Albarn was in trouble. Frischmann retains enough of the indie ethic to detest the phenomenon of celebrity couples, and was dismayed when they became one. "I really hated the tabloid interest, and I went out of my way not to be photographed with him. Only about three pictures of us together exist, I think. In many ways, I think the media interest broke us up, because it made me feel the relationship was quite ugly, and I had to get away from it. There were other factors, too, obviously, because we were together for eight years, and I finally felt it was better the devil you didn't know, really."

Albarn's ego seems to have been severely undermined by having a girlfriend who was nearly as successful as he was, and something of a sex symbol to boot. Despite adopting a resolutely boyish T-shirt-and-jeans uniform, she's thoroughly feminine, a mix that got her voted fifth most fanciable woman in a lesbian magazine.

"I'm completely heterosexual, so I didn't know how to take that. It scares the shit out of me, the idea of being with a girl. I'm glad I've narrowed it down to half the people in the world."

She seems to view Albarn with indulgent exasperation these days, simultaneously praising his intelligence ("The Gallaghers just couldn't compete") and ticking off his flaws. "Damon adores being in the press, and sees all press as good press. He orchestrated that rivalry thing with Oasis. He really wanted kids, and I didn't feel our relationship was stable enough. He was a naughty boy, and he wasn't the right person to have kids with. I had this cathartic moment..."

At which point they split up. Albarn wrote 13 and then met Suzi Winstanley, an artist. "She was pregnant within three months," Justine observes wickedly.

Of the acclaimed 13, she's tactful, describing several songs as "really lovely". She studies her cigarette for a while before adding, "but I'm cynical about selling a record on the back of our relationship". But you're doing the same now. "It's true, but at the time I had no right of reply."

Elastica finally pulled themselves together last year, just as the music industry was about to write them off (their American label had already "very kindly let us go", as she puts it). Holland rejoined, Matthews went to Wales to sort out her life and the band banged out an EP and played the Reading Festival. Things came together quickly after that. They spent the last £10,000 of the recording budget on re-recording a dozen tracks, finishing the album, after years of procrastinating, in six weeks. They've called it The Menace "because that's what it was like to make".

It's dark and resolutely uncommercial - all wrong for 2000's pop-oriented climate. It's unlikely to match the success of the first one, which is fine with them. Call it (though Justine doesn't) their White Album. Its 70s punk aesthetic brings to mind angry girls such as the Slits and the Au Pairs, although the defining mood isn't anger so much as catharsis. None of the songs is specifically about Albarn, she claims. "The dark feeling is due to the sense of isolation, tasting success and getting frightened by it. I was questioning whether I wanted to be in a band any more, and there was no one I could ask for advice. Getting success and everything you ever dreamed about is hard to handle, and makes you question everything."

She's better prepared for success, if it comes again, this time. Already the privacy-preserving barriers are in place. The next interview of the day is with Time Out magazine, which wants a list of her favourite restaurants. "I'm not telling them where I eat," she says reflexively. "I'm gonna lie."

[the-insomniac-emporium]

Everybody Talks Too Much (Cassandra Dimitrescu/Mute!Reader)

Fandom: Resident Evil: Village Rating: T for language, brief violence Summary: Whenever Cassandra gets angry, no one wants to deal with her. Well, no one but you, that is. Thankfully, the middle child appreciates your company... not that she'd ever admit it. Notes: Another self-indulgent fic with a selectively mute reader. This one's a lil different. Sections in italic are mostly indications that the reader is miming actions in order to communicate, though there are a few internal thoughts that are marked as such. Unlike the past two I've done, this takes place pre-relationship, so there's some mutual pining of sorts. I think that's the word.

--------------------------

Among the many servants of Castle Dimitrescu, there were a number of secret rules to be followed. Guidelines that were never written down, only spoken in hushed whispers, for specific (and dangerous) circumstances. Most could be divided into one of two categories: 1, how to reduce the chances of a Lady of the house killing someone. 2, how to make sure that if they kill someone, it will not be you. Of these rules, there was one that you knew best of all, despite never having been told it. Why? Because you have observed it time and time again. After all, the rule revolved around you. To put it plainly… If Cassandra Dimitrescu was in an awful mood, but had yet to draw blood, send in the mute.

Even now, as you rushed down a corridor, you did not know why this rule was in place. You simply knew that you had been summoned countless times by frantic maidens, to go serve their volatile mistress. Admittedly you did understand their eagerness to thrust the task upon someone else. Cassandra was often considered the deadliest of the Dimitrescu daughters, for she was the quickest to anger, the one with the deepest bloodlust, and took the longest to calm down. Personally, you disagreed, believing that it wasn’t terribly hard to know what she did and did not like. All it took was some observation. It was Daniela who scared you, seeing as she was unpredictable. She didn’t even need to be in a bad mood to want to kill you.

Of course, that didn’t necessarily mean that you saw no danger in working with Cassandra. In fact, you saw a fair bit, such as now: Right as you round the corner, a shiny object hurls past your head, embedding itself into the wall. Had you been walking ever so slightly faster… Well, you preferred not to dwell on such things, especially not when the one who threw the thing was still nearby. Based on the howling laughter and swarm of insects that moves around you, the intended target was Lady Daniela. Across the room is the markswoman herself; Cassandra stood tall, huffing in anger, staring at the spot her sister had just vacated from.

“Damn it!” She yelled, stomping her foot as if the resulting shockwave might do what her weapon had not. Oddly amused, you’re quick to remove the sickle from the wall, careful as to not damage it. It’s a tad dirty, but nothing you can’t fix with your handy pocket cloth. Cleaning as you walk, you slowly move towards your employer, not even bothering to spare her a glance. After all, you had your own rules for dealing with her.

(1: Avoid eye contact for at least one minute after an outburst.)

By the time you make it to Cassandra, the minute has come and gone, allowing you to ever-so politely look her in the eyes when you return her blade. She scoffs, then practically rips the sickle from your hands. This was your job, however, so you made no complaints. Not that you could, at least not verbally. Instead, you gave a short bow of acknowledgement. Afterwards you stood still, awaiting either instructions or a dismissal. Neither came.

“I can’t believe that little shit tried to take my favorite dagger and thought she could get away with it! Agh, the nerve of her! Can you believe this?” Cassandra snapped, turning to you as if you might agree with her. Nod, simple yet effective. “At least you know how to handle a blade. Damn Daniela is lucky she didn’t get any scratches on mine.” Then she pulls the knife in question from its place on her belt, letting it gleam in the light. A soft exhale, head tipping to the side, wow is it pretty. So is the one holding it. Your mind wanders but your gaze does not. Always polite, always ready to serve.

(2: Do not get distracted; she is no patient lover, rather a demanding boss.)

“Cassandra! What was all that noise a minute ago?” Someone called, interrupting your ‘conversation’. The speaker soon appears, being none other than Lady Bela, the most reasonable of the castle residents. Though that meant little, considering the nature of her family. As if to prove your point, Cassandra merely rolls her eyes in reply, refusing to divulge the truth. And so Bela turned her gaze to you, perking a brow. “Feeling up to talking today?” She asked, already knowing the answer. Of course, your hands are already moving, not even waiting for her to finish speaking. This is a game you know intimately.

A hand goes to your belt, moving to pull a nonexistent blade from its sheath. Raising it, moving it forward then back several times, launching it towards the wall- towards the hole left behind. Then shifting, waving your hand in front of your face while exhaling a sharp breath. Flinching. An exaggerated gulp, pretending to check if your nose is still attached, sighing in relief. Lastly, an inclination of your head towards the culprit. Cassandra.

“I was aiming for Daniela. Not that it matters, nobody got hurt,” she stated, confident. Both hands clasped together, then tapping the palms together, mimicking a heartbeat at a reasonable pace. Suddenly a stomp. The beating stops, and you hold your hands next to your ear, as if listening for signs of life. Pause. Three seconds. Worried expression, eyes wide. Finally, fast as a gunshot, the heart beats again, wildly. At this, Bela shoots her sister a look of doubt, as well as judgement. Hoping to change the subject, Cassandra looks to you. “What are you doing here anyway?”

Rubbing your chin, thinking. Squinting for effect. Ah, got it! Both hands go to your sides, lifting the imaginary hem of a dress you aren’t wearing. Waltzing forward, yet in place, with the poise expected of a professional maid. Then the focus shifts to your face. Fear. A silent scream, a hand at your forehead, feeling like you… might… faint. Falling backwards, making a step at the very last second to prevent a real collapse. End scene.

“Someone was scared?” Bela asked, sounding uncharacteristically unsure of herself. When you nod, she does as well, considering the implications. “Why would they send you?”

“I hardly care why, I just want to know who so I can kick their ass,” Cassandra interjects, taking a step closer to you. All you do in response is shrug. Unsurprisingly this is not enough to please her, and before you know it she’s wrapped a hand around your throat. “Give. Me. A. Name. Now.” A perked brow. Thoughts practically telegraphed. ‘What do you expect?’ Opening your mouth, slightly, then wide, back to almost closed. No sound comes out. Obviously. It’s not like you wanted to break your own rule, but in this case you had no choice.

(3: Give her whatever she wants, consequences be damned.)

Luckily for you, Bela acts as a foil to Cassandra, there to smooth the seas. Moving behind you, she reaches into your back pocket and retrieves the notepad you keep there. Then she’s handing it to you while making eye contact with her sister. Cassandra promptly releases you, though she’s clearly not pleased, going so far as to push you away in one last act of anger. Internally you roll your eyes. On the outside, however, you quickly write down everything you know… which isn’t much.

“I don’t remember who it was. A lot of people have asked. This happens a lot.” Then you hand the paper to Bela, who soon looks back up at you in confusion. Too antsy to wait for her own turn, Cassandra yoinks the notepad from her sister’s hands, reading it over several times before reacting.

“What the fuck? Why would they send you to me because somebody pissed their pants in fear? I’m going to kill someone. Ugh, I don’t- this doesn’t make any goddamn sense,” Cassandra ranted, pacing back and forth, looking like she wanted to destroy something immediately. To your surprise, Bela doesn’t look the slightest bit concerned. If anything, she looks amused, and smiles when the two of you make eye contact. Something tells you that she knows something that you don’t. Before you can react, she quietly retrieves your notepad and returns it to you. Then she pauses, thinking, eying you with curiosity.

“Why don’t you go for now? See if anyone thanks you for stepping in, hmm?” She suggested, tone implying that this was absolutely about something else entirely. Still, you don’t care to disobey, and so you bid the two of them farewell with a deep bow. As you leave, you can almost make out part of what they say next. But you’re certain that you must have heard incorrectly. “Showing your favoritism a little too much, sister? If even the servants can see it-” the rest of the sentence is cut off by angry muttering from Cassandra. After that you’re too far away to hear anymore. What a strange day...

--------------------------

“Hey, you know where Lady Cassandra’s room is, right?” Ygritte asked, casually, definitely not having just been told by someone else that you were the solution to her problem. Pretending that you were unaware of this, you give her a smile and a nod. Later, behind her back, you will mentally add her to your list of people to watch out for. Maybe even decide to refuse to share your biscuits with her. In the meantime, you pretend that you don’t mind whatever task she’s about to dump on you. “Can you bring these books to her? I really have to get back to the kitchen soon, and that’s in the opposite direction…”

Technically true. Something told you that the real problem was that Cassandra had been extra loud the past few days. Regardless, you accept the books from her, leaving before she even finishes thanking you. Why do people do this? I don’t get it, you think. It’s like they think I’m immune to her rage. If that were true, I’d gladly throw myself between her and others. But no, that’s not the case. Hmmph, if only they saw my scars. Shaking your head to clear your thoughts, you keep walking, subconsciously rubbing the spot on your arm where Cassandra had cut you. Well, the worst spot. Being pain tolerant had made her take interest in you, during your first few weeks, but it’s what allowed you to learn her rules. Your rules, really.

Knock. Knock. A pause… three more, much softer. The door swings open, revealing your Lady, whose eyes widen at the sight of you. Tipping your hat (which you are not wearing), you greet her, forcing another smile. Then you present the books, free hand gesturing with a spiral motion towards them. She doesn’t respond. No, wait, she glances at the door hinges, considering closing the door in your face. Now both of you are staring at each other, daring the other to move.

“You’re not supposed to be here,” she finally said. There’s a gruffness to her voice that you hadn’t expected. It’s unlike her usual tone, less angry, more tired. Were those bags under her eyes?... No, just smudged makeup. “Don’t just stand there- tell me why you’re here.” Again, you gesture to the books, extending your hands further towards her. This time she takes a half-step backwards to avoid you. Peculiar. “Someone else was supposed to bring them, dipshit. Fucking hell, why can’t anyone around here do their damn jobs?” At last, she takes the books from you, carrying them deeper into your room. Though she does not close the door, you assume that your job is done. Or maybe you simply do not wish to deal with a Cassandra who’s frustrated by your specific presence. Either way, it breaks one of your rules, though you do not remember until it is too late.

(4: Do not leave until dismissed by a member of the family.)

“Where the hell are you going?” The sound of buzzing flies, a blur of motion around you, then the form of Cassandra solidifying in front of you. One of her hands is raised, pressing against the center of your chest. She pushes you, hard, making you stumble backwards into her room. Next thing you know you’ve crashed onto her floor. A tad stunned, you bring a hand up to hold your head, blinking rapidly for a few seconds. There’s the sound of a door closing, and then someone’s trying to help you stand. “I didn’t say you could leave yet. Now c’mon, I’ve got stuff for you to do.” Then she’s guiding you to her bed, making you sit down on the end. Panicked thoughts race through your mind one after another. What exactly was she intending? Thankfully you don’t have to wait long to find out. “Read through these, and-” a pause, like she hadn’t known what she was going to say until she was already speaking- “take notes. Make a summary of the bookmarked sections, or whatever.” Handing you a couple books (neither of which being ones you had just brought to her), she sits on the other side of the bed, refusing to look at you. She does, however, say one last thing, voice barely above a whisper. “Just stay for a while, okay?”

Inside your head, you make a mental note to amend your list of rules.

(4.b: Do not leave until dismissed by a member of the family. If Cassandra asks you to stay, you stay, no matter what. It’s worth it.)

[moldcorpse]

I HAVE SOME SELF INDULGENT THEORIES AND HEADCANNONS FOR SHADOWS OF ROSE

I make no promises that this will make any coherent sense cuz the theories and headcannons are probably mixed up with each other, but fuck it I need to get this out. Also really sorry, I'm on mobile and can't figure out how to do read more...

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So, a lot of people are wondering where the Lords are in Shadows of Rose, right? Well, I saw one theory talking Duke having some memories from them that got mixed into him when Miranda was making him (which side note, I don't think the Duke we know from the main game is dead because based on Evelyn, Ethan, and Miranda they act same as they did in life, but thats another thing.) But what about the rest of the Lords' conscious?

In my mind, those in the Megamycete are more forced to stay in their own memories. I think someone that has a connection to and is around the Megamycete when they dead once they enter it they stay in their memories. They might have some influence on where they are in their life and can stay there, like we already know where Ethan got his little space settle as. So, those that just enter are stuck there until they have a reason to get out and start building up power like what Miranda did to get to the other levels (I forgot what they are actually called).

So, with the Lords, I feel like they are, more or less, content in their memories. At least once they got some control over where and when they were cuz I can't imagine at lot of it was pleasant. The Dimitrescu girls probably all found a way to their mother and they are all living it up in the castle in their memories. Beneviento might stay in the part of her life where her family was in still alive. For Moreau, I'm not really sure since we don't really get much on him beside how utterly devoted he is to Miranda, so something to do with her? Only Heisenberg I could see at least once popping out of his memories to see whats gonna on sees Miranda still on her bullshit, said "Fuck that bitch, I'm good", and hops back into his memories. I can't really expand much more on this part more cuz this is a almost baseless theory on where the others are in the Megamycete, but it feels right to me.

Now with Ethan I think once he realized that he is dead and now just a consciousness, he knew Miranda would continue to try to get Rose somehow. He doesn't really have experience with powers expect his healing which isn't gonna do much. But this is Ethan and he's gonna try anyways. I think when someone who has died enters the Megamycete they start on the deepest level and thats why we only get a glimpse of Ethan in the Beneviento at the entrance of the next level. Why Ethan warns that its harder to get out the deeper you are. Because by the time Rose shows up he hasn't gotten enough power to fully manifest himself at the top only able to do just simple thing aka the words, manifesting objects, and moving objects. Unlike Miranda who was able to manipulate the outside world some, so if we go with my idea she can fully reach the top level.

Okay, hopefully last thing. I truthfully don't think Ethan's consciousness died at the end. I know people are like "Oh my god, Ethan died a third time!" I don't believe he's dead. He didn't crumble away like Miranda before Rose woke up. I think only an outsider, aka someone like Rose, can kill a consciousness in Megamycete. The copies of Rose aren't real, we've seen that they become the monsters that we fight in the DLC at the end, then once they're dead they become goo. So, the only real death we can work with is Miranda's and I think Ethan's okay at the end. Maybe without Miranda around he builds up his power to manifest himself, to some extent, in the real world to check on Rose and really is the figure we see in the end cut scene.

Anyways, that my spiel. Maybe when its not almost 7 am I'll expand on some of this, but for now I think I'm good.

Have a good morning, good evening, and good night!

-Twig

[vrishchikawrites]

Could I have a prompt? 🥺🥺 So WWX is taking bath in the Cold Pond to heal from the wounds by the discipline paddle (which I assume he was punished being clothed in his Black robe or in his Gusu Lan disciple robes or Head disciple Jiangs robes whichever fits). Before going to CR, wwx is whipped by mdm yu and LWJ notices wwx’s raw red scars and many scars across his back kinda overlapping and not yet being healed because maybe MDM yu sealed his core or something. LWJ, or with LXC saw WWX’s many crisscrossing scars and realize they’re still raw and kinda risking for infection because when mdm yu unseals his spiritual energy before going to CR, WWX never thought of healing it. Cue LWJ and LXC gets horrified and ask WWX why he had many scars on his back (or other parts of his body can also be included!) no pressure 💕 I love your writing! ❤️❤️

Anyway, it is set during the period in which WWX studies at CR. Lån Qiren, who is obviously not eyeing Wei Wuxian just in case the boy creates some trouble ends up realizing that he is too non chalant about  not eating (because the food there is for rabbits) and WWX is like "Oh, yeah. Nah its fine, I've been worse".

This one has trigger warnings for child abuse, negligence, and issues related to eating habits. Keep that in mind before proceeding. Nothing graphic, but I wanted to warn nonetheless.

I've merged two prompts here.

Please remember that prompts are closed. Also, remember I do not write self-deprication. All prompts that require WWX to have low self-esteem are not going to be written, apologies but the subject is very uncomfortable for me and I don't believe it is canon accurate anyways.

On to the prompt fill.

"That Wei child is entirely too careless." 

Lan Qiren closes his eyes and prays for patience. That boy has been a menace ever since he stepped into Cloud Recesses. Brilliant but wily and mischievous with absolutely no regard for rules. 

"What has he done?" He asks gruffly, reading over the reports from the kitchen staff. Cloud Recesses always monitors the food intake of their guests to make sure everyone is well-fed and no one is consuming more than their due. It wouldn't do for young cultivators to fall ill in their care, after all. 

The primary healer, a matron of some age, had brought the reports instead of the kitchen manager, which was quite unusual, "He forgets meals. Goes without food for days. Survives on small bits of fruit."

Xichen, who has been working on his own reports, raises his head and looks concerned. 

Lan Qiren crosses his arms, feeling a growing sense of ire, "He dislikes our meals." He's not the first one to skip meals because he considers them 'bland' and 'boring'. It's likely the child has been sneaking down to Caiyi town to have more extravagant meals. 

"I checked with our ward team. When he goes days without eating, he doesn't make any trips to Caiyi town either."

Lan Qiren pauses and studies her. Lan Mingyun nods curtly, "When I first noticed this behavior, I immediately put him on my list." Her list of children with food-related issues, he assumes, "His eating habits are very erratic, erratic enough that I wish to assign one of our senior disciples to keep an eye on him."

"You're that worried?" Lan Xichen asks in surprise while Lan Qiren frowns. It isn't unusual to do so but he wonders if it is really necessary.

"As far as I know, the child lived on the streets for quite a few years," She says and Lan Qiren narrows his eyes, inwardly reprimanding himself. He had forgotten about that aspect of Wei Wuxian's history, "The link between early childhood trauma and behavioural problems are well known to us."

Lan Xichen frowns, "I'll ask Wangji to keep an eye on him."

He glances at his nephew sharply, "Why Wangji?" He demands because surely someone else would be better.

"From what I understand, Wei-gongzi will not welcome an assigned senior. He seems to be someone who brushes injuries or illnesses off. He likes Wangji and will be more willing to accept his company."

While the argument is reasonable, Lan Qiren is loath to involve his precious nephew in this. He's already so bothered by the boy. 

But.

He thinks of Wei Wuxian with his sharp eyes and lingering smile and nods. 

---

Wangji listens to Xichen patiently even as his fingers curl into fists under his sleeves. 

He doesn't like Wei Wuxian. The boy is too disruptive, too bold, too distracting-

Too beautiful.

He doesn't like him, but that doesn't mean he's content to ignore his well-being. When Xichen asks him to keep an eye on Wei Ying's eating habits and general behavior, Wangji agrees. 

It will be taxing for him, but he agrees.  

What he doesn't anticipate is… everything that follows. When he starts consciously looking for them, the signs are alarming. Wei Ying doesn't just skip meals whenever he gets too distracted, he picks at the food even when he is eating. While Wangji is comforted to know the boy frequently seeks something richly flavored at Caiyi Town, he doesn't do it often enough to compensate.

There are also some concerning behaviors in the Jiang contingent. Upon closer inspection, it is clear that while Wei Ying does break the rules, the other Jiang Sect disciples are often complicit. Including Jiang Wanyin. 

They not only let their da-shixiong take the blame for all of their actions, but also encourage it. Wei Ying seems disconcertingly accustomed to it. He makes a scene while being punished but seems alright within an hour. 

Jiang Wanyin encourages mischief and reprimands him in turns. 

Wangji doesn't understand this.

"Xiongzhang, I am concerned," Xichen looks up from his tea, his attention immediately on Wangji, unwavering and comforting, "Wei Ying," He takes a moment to form his thoughts, "I am uncertain. I believe he is in an unsafe environment."

Xichen sets his tea aside, "How so?"

"I happened upon a conversation," He grimaces because it is eavesdropping even if his intentions are noble, "Jiang Wanyin and Nie Huaisang requested and encouraged him to get alcohol into Cloud Recesses. When he complained about the punishment, Jiang Wanyin said 'at least, it wasn't Zidian'."

His brother sucks in a sharp breath, "Zidian? Madam Yu? Spiritual weapon? A high-grade weapon typically used against enemies?"

Wangji dips his head. 

"I'll ask uncle to stop assigning corporal punishments." Lan Xichen says, "They won't have the desired effect in any case and we don't want to damage him permanently. Tomorrow, ask him to practice Cultivation in the Cold Pond as punishment."

Wangji nods, "I'll assign Jiang Wanyin and Nie Huaisang proper punishment as well."

"Wait until we have a better grasp on the situation." Xichen says solemnly, "If we act too quickly, things will escalate and may cause more harm to Wei-gongzi."

Wangji is reluctant because his sense of justice is not satisfied. He remembers how the Jiang disciples encouraged Wei Ying to accept punishment on their behalf. And then to know Jiang Wanyin was also complicit…

"We must approach this cautiously, Wangji."

He nods.

---

Red, irritated, scarred.

Wangji swallows as he sees the state of Wei Ying's back as the Jiang disciple steps into the Cold Pond. There are so many whip scars on his back, so many that have barely begun to heal, that he feels nauseous. 

"Wei Ying," He struggles to keep his tone neutral, "Your back." He cannot imagine the agony that Wei Ying would've suffered when he took more punishment on it the other day. 

Wei Ying glances at him and grins, "Aiya, Lan Zhan, is that concern I see on your pretty face?" He asks, spinning around eagerly, "Concern for little old me?"

His back is out of sight and the way Wei Wuxian is leaning towards him is meant to distract and fluster.

Wangji… suddenly understands. Wei Ying is naturally playful and mischievous, but he uses his personality for disguise and manipulation as well. Not maliciously, but in a way that harms him.

"Wei Ying," Wangji refuses to be moved. There is a significant shift in his mind. He no longer feels annoyed by the person before him. If anything, he feels furious. 

He feels protective.

"Wei Ying, your back."

The Jiang disciple shrugs, "Punishment, you know how it is." 

"For what?" He demands, catching Wei Ying's elbow and turning him around. The willingness to touch him stuns Wei Ying momentarily, enough for Wangji to get a good look at the brutal devastation written on Wei Ying's back. 

Wei Ying clears his throat and shrugs, "It's more of a preemptive punishment? Madam Yu knew I would cause trouble here, of course." He chuckles.

"Preemptive punishment?" He asks softly, the very notion troubling him. 

Wei Ying shrugs again but doesn't attempt to explain when it is clear Wangji isn't willing to indulge him.

"Wei Ying,"

"Lan Zhan," Wei Ying starts to move towards the shore, "Don't worry about things that don't concern you. Your head will forever be burdened if you do."

Wangji feels something in him recoil at such a blunt dismissal. 

"Doesn't concern me? How can it not concern me?" He wants to ask but is unable to. 

Wei Ying has made him very uncomfortable with his forward personality and near constant teasing, but Wangji has seen the genuine offer of friendship underneath it all. 

He has always spurned it. 

As Wei Ying climbs onto the shore, his wounds red against his naturally pale skin, Wangji makes a decision, "Would you not feel concerned if it were me?" He asks but he already knows the answer.

He already knows this man enough.

"Of course," Wei Ying says and shrugs on his robes, hiding a wince but unable to help his body's reaction to pain, "But you and I are different." He glances over his shoulder at Wangji, "I consider you my friend," He says, "But you don't consider me yours."

His breath stills at the acceptance in Wei Ying's tone.

"And that's alright." The Jiang disciple waves and walks away, "Don't worry too much, Lan Zhan. This one isn't weak. The wounds will heal within a few days."

---

"The facts are these - Wei-gongzi is punished preemptively with Zidian, often enough that there are deep scars on his back," Lan Xichen explains, "I assume it is his Golden Core keeping him from sustaining permanent damage."

Lan Qiren is still bristling at the very thought of preemptive punishment. What a ridiculous notion! Of course, the child doesn't care about rules and upsetting people! He has already been punished enough to excuse everything but outright treason.  

How is such a method effective? How does it correct a child's misbehavior? 

"The Jiang Sect disciples are accustomed to their da-shixiong being punished in their stead. They actively encourage it. Jiang Wanyin has asked Wei-gongzi to sneak in alcohol. And he refused to come forward when Wei-gongzi was punished." Xichen takes a deep breath, "I believe any lingering issues he may have because of his early days as a street orphan-"

"Are ignored," Lan Qiren concludes grimly, "It is no wonder the child has such strong cultivation. He is facing strife constantly."

"Is there a way to rescue him?" Wangji asks after being grimly silent for the entire meeting, "Get him away from the Jiang Sect?"

Lan Qiren eyes him, "Wangji, the situation is complicated. He's still the Jiang Head Disciple and sects don't just part with their high ranking disciples."

Xichen smiles sympathetically, "We'll find a way to pressure Jiang-zongzhu into taking action. He'll lose face if the other Sects know how his lady is treating their Head Disciple." He shakes his head at Wangji's expression, "Let us think about it. Meanwhile, you just need to be there for your friend, Wangji."

Lan Qiren arches a brow, "Friend? Wangji, I thought you disliked the boy."

Wangji purses his lips, a stubborn light entering his eyes, "Wei Ying is my friend." He insists, resolve lining his every word. 

He looks at Xichen, who just looked amused, "According to Wei-gongzi, he considers Wangji a friend and will be very concerned if Wangji was in a similar situation," He huffs, "But Wangji doesn't consider Wei-gongzi his friend, so there's no need for Wangji to worry."

Lan Qiren closes his eyes and rubs his forehead in an uncharacteristic display of frustration, "That boy is a singular menace."

---

Wangji pursues friendship with all the dedication in his being. He learns to cook savory dishes and gives them to Wei Ying every day. Wei Ying, unable and utterly unwilling to deny, eats it all. 

He glares the Jiang disciples into submission whenever they attempt to draw Wei Ying into mischief. The Jiang Head Disciple is fully exempt from corporal punishment. Instead, he spends hours in the library either copying rules, rewriting classics, or transcribing Buddhist texts. 

All of these activities prove to be much more effective punishments.

Meanwhile, Lan Qiren attends a Discussion Conference and has word with Jiang Fengmian. 

The response is a gentle order from the Jiang-zongzhu for Wei Ying. He asks his disciple to remain in Cloud Recesses for Musical Cultivation training. He also mentions it is time for Jiang Wanyin to take up Head Disciple responsibilities and learn true leadership. 

Wei Ying eyes the smiling Lan Xichen and impassive Lan Qiren sharply but doesn't say anything.

In two years time, the distance between Wei Ying and the Jiang Sect grows. The distance between Wei Ying and Lan Zhan ceases to exist. 

Just like that, Wei Wuxian's destiny changes.