#which makes me wonder if this is the story Ella told her

[missellafitz]

“Ella worked with Duke Ellington, Count Basie and Nelson Riddle,” Morris Rosman said, but never recorded with Frank Sinatra because at the time it wasn’t approved for a black and white singer to do a duet."

First and foremost, they recorded the duet "Necessity" in 1954.

Second, did they plan to record romantic songs? I think "Going Out of My Head" is quite romantic, and we know they were planning to put that song on their album in 1967.

Either way, this statement doesn't seem right to me, and I'd bet my bottom dollar that Ella said this as some kind of diversion from the truth (my theory being that Norman hated Frank because he was in love with Ella but knew Frank and Ella had been having an affair for a long while).

*Also (based on the tag), she recorded several duets with Bing Crosby in the 40s and 50s. So, yeah, this makes no sense (and I love it!!!)

*Another also, on the 1958 episode of The Frank Sinatra Show, where Ella guest starred he literally said (which was scripted) "I sure am a big fan of yours, and I don't know, maybe, why don't we make an album together?" I will say this for Sinatra. The man would've moved heaven and earth to make the album with her if it was discouraged for racial reasons. He was a wonderful contrarian in that way. And let's not forget that his one regret of his career was not recording an album with Ella. Beyond the Norman and Frank feud, apparently, Capitol and Reprise never could come to an agreement in terms of recording times for contractual reasons.

From: https://www.circlingthenews.com/palisadian-morris-rosman-recounts-the-life-of-a-remarkable-woman-ella-fitzgerald/

[one-idea]

I had an idea for a story but no time to do anything with it so I offer to you:

The crew is facing some monarch with a devil fruit that forces absolute obedience from the people they hit with it. Zoro gets hit, but the command is "kneel and obey your king" and. Well. Zoro has only ever had one king, hasn't he?

It quickly turns out that Luffy and Zoro can read each other so well that Zoro starts responding to nonverbal orders, things Luffy wants but would never say, never command. Zoro might not even be mentally present, just responding automatically.

I love this!!! And I am honored that you chose me.

On this could be so sweet and at the same time utterly heartbreaking.

Because you know as soon as they find out what that guys devil fruit ability is Luffy hates him. Luffy values freedom above everything else. The idea that someone has the ability to strip someone of their freedom so completely and force them to obey every command has to enrage him.

Especially if the people under his control have no free will. Because you can play this ability a few ways

Complete and utter control. They don’t do anything without being told to do it.

They live their lives normally until an order is given (like Ella enchanted. She has to obey the order but she is conscious the whole time and able to express her displeased with certain orders)

Mix it they live a normal life until an order is given and then they kind zone out until the order is complete.

And depending on which style it is can lead to a lot of different outcomes. (You could even make it so that the ability differs depending on how many times he commands them, the power becoming more encompassing each time.)

Anyhow the Strawhats hear about this and Luffy goes in Guns a Blazing as always. Nami tries to stop him because “what happens if he orders one of us?”

Luffy is sure that defeating the guy will free everyone, it’s worked every other time. Besides they are all stronger willed enough to probably break free. Zoro agrees because he’d never take a weak man’s orders. Sanji is hesitant but agrees that they have to beat this guy and the other two have already left.

But they get there and Luffy and Zoro have fought their way to the top. The others following up behind them. They are facing down the Monarch who smirks because they’ve heard about the famous strawhats Captain and his loyal dog. “I wonder what you’ll do Strawhat, when your mutt no longer listens to you.” They then turn to Zoro and order “Roronoa Zoro kneel and obey your King.”

They’re smirking expecting Zoro to fall to his knees in front of them. And Zoro does fall to his knees but he’s facing Luffy. He’s not speaking (he can’t) and is awaiting his orders.

Luffy is shocked. The enemy is cackling because he thinks he’s got Zoro but Luffy yells. “Zoro get up.” And Zoro’s right back to his feet.

“Yes my king.”

The king is flabbergasted and Luffy is looking on with pride thinking Zoro shook off the command.

The monarch escapes durning some confusion which isn’t ideal but they’ll catch up.

It isn’t until later when Zoro is doing every little thing Luffy says with out complaint (“Zoro carry me.” He gets scooped up no question. “Zoro! Meat.” They’re heading to the kitchen) and it takes the crew a while to catch on because Zoro is always by Luffy and Zoro always does things for Luffy. But normally there is gruff complaining from him at the least.

It isn’t until later that they put it together that Zoro is under the devil fruit power. But the command “Kneel and obey your king” was a poor one to give Zoro because he already has a king. He is the first mate of the future pirate king. The monarch meant obey me but Zoro’s brain only processes King as Luffy. There is no other.

Luffy is horrified when he finds out. Zoro has been doing whatever he wanted all day. And he thought it was his first mate indulging him. In actuality he had stripped Zoro of his freedom. Zoro had been obeying not because he’s the best first mate ever but because he had no choice. And he hadn’t said anything!

Zoro figures it out right away. But he can’t say anything to Luffy. He knows his captain. If he knows he has complete control over Zoro he would hate it so much. He’d be overly careful around Zoro and probably stop talking to him to try and avoid giving him any commands. (He’s right that’s Luffy’s go to strategy once he finds out)

He trust Luffy completely. Luffy, while silly, rarely gives Zoro orders that he wouldn’t chose to obey anyways.

Until they find out. Maybe Zoro sees a threat and goes to chase after it and Luffy yells to wait. He means for Zoro to wait up, he wants to fight to. But Zoro freezes mid-step. And just like that all the pieces click together.

And the idea that they can read each other so well that Zoro is obeying non verbal commands is so cute but also heart wrenching because Luffy is trying to hard not to order Zoro around that he’s just not talking to him. But Zoro knows Luffy. And is so used to predicting and interpreting his wants and needs he’s doing things any ways.

He’s pulling Luffy into hugs when he needs comfort (a movement Zoro normally lets pass) he stands beside him when Luffy needs support.

And it’s causing Luffy to spiral because Zoro doesn’t want to do these things he’s making Zoro do them.

But Zoro absolutely wants to be with Luffy and comfort him and support him. Luffy could ask him to disembowel himself and he’d do it. Because the king was right he is Luffy’s loyal first mate (dog) and if he was going to be forced to obey anyone he’d pick Luffy because he trust him completely.

But to Luffy this is a violation of this trust. Any order he has to give that Zoro follows blindly is stressing him out because Zoro is going to hate him for taking his freedom.

Oh I love this idea so much!!! Thank you. I’ll have to think about this more.

[uramilf]

Dangerous Game - Matty Healy x reader smut

A/N: Guys this is FILTHY. Like the most unhinged deranged smut I’ve written so far, fair warning. It’s set around Christmas 2022 as it mentions the guests at the UK atvb tour, just for context xx

Warnings: SMUT. Cheating (yes cheating is wrong but it’s just a story, if you don’t like it don’t read it please!) Some BDSM, cockwarming, light anal AH SOZ, spanking, oral (f&m receiving), unprotected sex, spitting, biting etc, degredation, dom!Matty

Stepping out of the lift, I straightened my skirt and checked my hair in the reflection of the shiny metal doors as they closed. I was playing a dangerous game with the short skirt and tight blouse, but I couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride on catching a glimpse of myself.  A few months into working at Dirty Hit as Matty’s assistant, and I still tried my hardest to look nice when I knew I would be with him. I knew it was wrong. Every morning I left my own boyfriend in our shared bed after he told me how beautiful I looked. He looked prefect on paper apart from the fact that he wasn’t Matty, and that I often wondered during sex if Matty would do a better job. Sometimes I wanted to tell him exactly who I was trying to look beautiful for, so that I would be free to do whatever I wanted with my gorgeous co-worker. But even then, I wouldn’t be able to make a move on him. He had a girlfriend too, Ella. And she was perfect, a literal model. He wouldn’t even look twice at me.

I walked into the Matty and George’s small shared office. I loved George, but I was glad he was taking the day off for once. Matty looked up from his laptop when I entered. “Morning, love. You look pretty.” “Thanks,” I laughed, sitting down opposite him, trying not to let my face turn red or allow him to see how thrilled I was. “Busy day today?” “Not hugely. Still a few things to sort out for tour, but y’know, I’m getting there,” “That’s good,” I nodded, opening my own laptop. It was never awkward with him, but there was a certain tension in the air every time we were alone. It was as if he could tell that I was actively trying to act appropriately around him, and maybe like he was doing the exact same thing.

We worked quietly for 20 minutes, and as I was checking the guestlists for each show I noticed that his girlfriend’s name was missing. “Hey, Ella’s not on the guestlist for the first London show. Should I put her on?” Matty looked up abruptly, jaw clenching slightly at the mention of her name. Had something happened between them? He relaxed his face and his eyes softened when he saw my worry. “Um, no thanks love. She’ll be out of the city for a few days. Visiting family.” I saved the document and shut the laptop, standing up from my desk. “I’m gonna go get a coffee, you coming?” “Sure, babe. Two minutes.” BABE? What the fuck was he trying to do to me? I didn’t know how long I could stay around Matty without accidentally telling him exactly how I felt about him. A feeling of guilt overcame me and I shook all thoughts of Matty from my head. 

---------------------

On the way back from our coffee run, Matty and I stood quietly together waiting for the lift. When we had been walking back from the Starbucks down the street, our hands had brushed each other multiple times and it was all I could do to not kiss him right then and there. The lift doors opened, and we stepped in. I opened my mouth to speak but Matty didn’t give me the chance. He grabbed my waist and pushed me against the wall, staring straight down into my eyes. “Fuck this,” he almost spat at me. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t pretend there’s nothing going on with us anymore.” I felt as though my throat was closing over. “Matty,” I said in a voice which was barely a whisper. His eyes softened. “Matty, I have a boyfriend. You have a girlfriend.” His jaw tensed again. “She left me. She left because she could see how badly I wanted you. And as for your boyfriend, are you seriously saying you’d rather have him than me?” I raised an eyebrow. “What? You know I’m right. He’s too boring for you. And he doesn’t look at you the way I do. Shit, can he even make you cum?”

The lift doors opened and he sprung away from me, leaving me with wide eyes and red cheeks. Jamie got in the lift as we got out, and I prayed he hadn’t seen anything.  “Morning, you two. Y/n, have you had a chance to look over those guest lists?” “Yep, all done,” I managed to say, voice breaking under the pressure of nearly being caught with Matty’s hands on my waist and lips a fraction of an inch from mine. The second we made it back to the office I turned and locked the door. “You’re right,” I blurted out. He looked at me with raised eyebrows.  “Yeah?” he smirked, approaching me like an animal stalking its prey. I felt small, but safe, around him; like I knew he could absolutely ruin my life, but chose not to. Like he could turn around now and tell me he was joking, and that he didn’t really want me. But he didn’t. Instead he shoved me back against the wall, the cold surface touching my bare thighs and making me shiver. “Right about what, exactly?” “He can’t make me cum,” I whispered, not looking him in the eye.  “Right.” Matty lifted my chin and forced me to look into his eyes, “And why is that, I wonder?”

“Because he’s not you.”

Matty kissed me then; hard, rough, needy. His hips rolled into mine as his tongue slipped into my open mouth, brushing against my own. I moaned into his mouth and he grabbed at my waist eagerly. One of my hands tangled in his hair, the other feeling desperately up and down his bicep, which seemed to have grown a lot recently. Shit, all that working out was doing wonders for him. Matty’s hips bumped into me again and he groaned. I could feel him getting hard in his black trousers and a wave of heat rushed through me. Just as the kiss was deepening, his phone rang. He pulled away, fumbling in his pocket and rolling his eyes. “Hello?” he snapped. “Oh, hi mate. Sure. Yep. I’ll be there in a second.” “Everything okay?” I said, trying to catch my breath. “Adam’s outside. Says he’s got some paperwork or something I need to look over before tour. I’m gonna run down and grab it, okay babe?”

When he left, I checked my phone and sighed. My boyfriend had texted: Miss you baby. When u coming home? I texted back: Miss you too, not sure yet, pretty busy here x I still felt a little guilty, but slightly less so after feeling Matty so close to me like that. After a few minutes of me trying to calm myself after our encounter, Matty walked back through the door. I draped my arm around his neck and kissed him again, but he pulled away after a few seconds. “Hey gorgeous, can we finish this later, yeah? I have so much fucking work to get through here.” “Oh. Yeah, sure.” “Sorry, babe. You know I want you, like, right now. But Adam’s shitting himself about getting this all done. In the meantime can you get Taylor, Lewis and Charli’s teams on the phone and go over the details for the UK shows, please?” “Of course,” I said, swallowing the lump in my throat. Back to being an assistant. Maybe he didn’t want me that badly after all. 

I was wrong. 20 minutes into my phone calls with various celebrities’ teams and managers, Matty sighed and looked up at me. “Fuck, babe. I can’t work when you’re sat there looking like that. C’mere.” I stood up and walked to his desk, sitting down on the edge. “What’s wrong?” I smiled teasingly. Matty laughed and gestured to the obvious bulge in his trousers.  “But you have so much work to do!” I feigned shock and Matty rolled his eyes. “I know that was a dig at me, but you’re actually right. It’s ok, I think we can do both.” I raised an eyebrow as he unbuckled his belt and tugged his trousers and boxers down. That shut me up. He was huge, dripping precum, a thick vein running up the side of his cock from base to tip.  “Sit,” he commanded. I wasted no time in doing what I was told, straddling his lap and grinding down on him, my clothed core rubbing against his cock. He let out a deep groan from the back of his throat. “Darling, if you want me all to yourself tonight, you need to let me get my work done. Sit.” This time I lifted my hips and positioned myself right over his cock, pulling my thong to the side and sinking down onto him. We groaned out in sync as a wave of pleasure washed over us both. I mentally begged him to move, to do something. But I knew he wouldn’t. I sat there whining into his ear and clenching around him for a further ten minutes. I tried to sneak my hand down to touch my clit but he grabbed my wrist and threw it back over his shoulder. “Behave,” he smirked, not looking up from his computer. 

Finally, Matty finished what he was doing and looked up at me, still perched on his lap, trying not to grind my hips downwards. “The rest of this can wait until tomorrow. It’s time you got some attention, yeah baby?” He moved his laptop, notebooks and papers to the side and lifted me by the waist onto the desk, pushing my shoulders so I ended up flat on my back with my legs spread, him now standing between them. I whined at the empty feeling and Matty shushed me gently before pushing into me again. He threw his head back as he thrusted into me. I wasn’t used to the stretch required for me to fit around his cock, and it felt perfect. The sound of our combined moans and his skin hitting mine filled the room, but neither of us cared to stay quiet. Matty pulled out of me again and I could have screamed in frustration, but he didn’t give me time to complain.

“Hands and knees,” he commanded, and I obeyed. He groaned when I pushed my ass towards him and placed a firm smack there, making me giggle with giddy anticipation. Instead of fucking me again, Matty sat down in his chair so his face was level with my cunt and leaned forward to lick a stripe straight up my core.  “Shit! Oh, Matty, please!” His tongue teased at my entrance, flicking back and forth, his rough, calloused hand sneaking around to find my clit and rub light circles over it.  “Does he ever do this to you, baby?” “Yes,” I gasped. “But it doesn’t feel as good as this.” Matty’s tongue ventured further away from my cunt and I gasped. “Matty, wait. No one’s ever done that to me before.” “Ssh, baby. You’ll like it.” With that he flicked his wet tongue over my asshole, making me scream out.  “Oh fuck!” He did it again, and again, building up speed into a proper rhythm. The thought of letting a guy ever do this to me had never even crossed my mind, but holy fuck, it felt good. As he continued to kitten lick over my hole, he thrusted two fingers into my wet cunt and I could feel myself tipping over the edge at last.  “Fuck, I’m gonna cum!” I cried out, nails digging into the cold wood of the desk, clenching around Matty’s fingers. My vision was overcome with a bright white heat as I came on Matty’s hand, screaming his name. He pulled his fingers out of me and I saw him flick his tongue over them, closing his eyes in bliss. “Fuck, you taste good.” He placed his thumb on my lip and whispered “open,” before spitting into my mouth. “Don’t you think you taste good, love?” I swallowed and nodded quietly, eyes never leaving his.

Matty gave me some time to recover, but I noticed he was still hard. He was the first guy to give me an orgasm in six months, as my boyfriend was seriously lacking in experience and confidence. I wasn’t gonna let the favour not be returned. I pulled my skirt back down to cover my thighs and dropped to my knees in front of Matty. He was in the midst of pulling his boxers back up over his hard-on, but I stopped him. “Fuck, babe. You’re so desperate for me you should be ashamed of yourself,” Matty smirked down at me. I just rolled my eyes and licked his tip, relishing the sound he made. I tested the waters, taking his tip fully into my mouth and sucking. I could taste his salty precum and moaned around his cock, making him echo the sound. Slowly taking more of him into my mouth, I looked up at him through my eyelashes to see his head tipped back, eyes shut in ecstasy. His hands found their way to my hair and grabbed a fistful each, forcing me down further. He hit the back of my throat and I gagged a little. A groan of “Good fucking girl” made its way to my ears. He guided my head up and down, fucking roughly into my mouth.  “Fuck, I’m so close,” he stuttered, his cock twitching in my mouth. He spilled his cum onto my tongue with a loud moan of my name and I pulled away, swallowing while staring straight into his eyes. “C’mere,” he breathed heavily, pulling me up to stand close to him. He grabbed me by the hips and kissed me hard.

“You’re actually incredible, you know that, right?” Matty asked softly, brushing my hair behind my ear. I didn’t look at him, just smiling. “Have you never been told that before?” “Not really, no.” “Well you deserve someone who’s gonna tell you that every day of your fucking life, darling.” “Someone like you?” I grinned. “Exactly,” he smiled back.

--------------------------

I hadn’t gone back to Matty’s house. It seemed too obvious. Instead I headed home and changed into a tight dress and put some makeup on, some stupid excuse about meeting up with work friends for a drink spilling out of my mouth. It wasn’t entirely a lie. 

Matty had opened his front door and pulled me inside before I even had a chance to knock, lips meeting mine immediately. He was still in his work clothes. Not for long, I decided. He dragged me upstairs into his bedroom, shoving me down on the bed and yanking off his shirt and tie. I almost let out a moan at the sight of his toned stomach and muscular, tattooed arms. He slipped my feet out out my shoes and kissed all the way from my ankle to my thigh, pulling my dress, stepping back in feigned shock when he saw my lack of underwear.  “Someone’s being a bit cheeky tonight,” he whispered. “It gets worse, no bra either,” I joked. “Fuck!” Matty exclaimed, reaching down to pull my dress straight over my head. He stood there with his mouth open for a moment or two at the sight of my tits moving with my deep breaths. “Jesus Christ,” he muttered, grabbing my thighs and spreading my legs. He knelt on the bed between them and dropped down to take one of my nipples into his mouth, one hand trailing down my stomach towards my clit. He continued to suck on the skin of my breast and circle my clit with his thumb as I moaned out his name. “Fuck darling, you make the prettiest noises.” Matty moved up to my neck to place a messy kiss there, and I cried out when he sunk his teeth into my skin. He stood up to undo his belt, but kept his trousers on. I raised an eyebrow. “Pretty girl, I think it’s time you got a little punishment for all the times you’ve given me a fucking boner in work this week.” My eyes widened in shock. “Four times this week, babe. It’s only Wednesday.” He reached for his tie from the floor and told me to get in the same all-fours position I had been in earlier. This time, he grabbed my wrists and tied them together behind my back, forcing my head down into the mattress.  “Okay, pretty girl. You’ve got me all worked up four times this week, and I’m starting to think you’re doing it on purpose. So I want you to count your punishments, okay?” I nodded, letting out an excited whimper. I heard the belt buckle clink and clenched my cunt around nothing. A sharp sting landed on my ass and I yelped. “Count.” “One,” I breathed. Another. “Two.” Another. “Three.” “One more, babe, You’re doing well.” He brought the thick leather down on my soft skin once more, the sensation burning pleasurably.  “Four.” “Good girl.”

Matty grabbed my tied wrists and pulled me up so my face was no longer in the sheets. “Are you gonna take my cock again like a good little slut?” I just whined in response. “Words,” he grunted. “Or do I need to remind you what your punishment is?” “Yes, Matty. I’ll be good for you,” I whimpered. He let go of my wrists, my upper half dropping back onto the mattress. Without warning, he pushed into me hard and established a fast, steady rhythm. I cried out as he found my g-spot effortlessly.  “Fuck Matty!” This only encouraged him, and he thrusted deeper, harder, all the while groaning my name. He alternated between grabbing handfuls of my ass and placing firm slaps there. Each time he hit me I clenched hard around him, ripping a moan from his throat. 

After around ten minutes of hard, rough, rhythmic thrusting, Matty grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled out of me, cumming all over my back. “Fuck, love. How are we ever gonna share an office again without me getting a boner?” I laughed at him while he untied my wrists, wincing when his hand brushed the sore skin of my ass.  “Oh, darling, I’m sorry if I hurt you. I know I can go overboard sometimes.” “Are you seriously apologising for the best sex of my life right now?” Matty grinned at this. “Are you joking?” “Absolutely not. You’ve met my partner, you know he’s not doing any of that.” I glanced at the clock. “Oh shit! He’s gonna be wondering where I am.” “Text him and say Charli drank too much and you’re staying with her to look after her. I’m not letting you go home by yourself at this time of night. Plus, I need to take care of my pretty girl.”

After I had made my excuses to my boyfriend, Matty cleaned me up in the bathroom and carried me back to his bed, tucking me in under the sheets and curling up beside me, his head on my chest. I had a hand in his hair and one of his was exploring the skin of my stomach underneath my borrowed t-shirt.

“Get some sleep, love,” Matty yawned. “You’re gonna be sore tomorrow.”

[burntsaltsblog]

tw: nsfw, mdni

Chapter Seven

Two weeks later

Sex, food, and sleep. That was all Butcher and I participated in. Rarely did we leave the bed, except for a daily shower, which Butcher insisted we take together. Though I was never one to complain, especially when he held me firm against the shower wall with my legs wrapped around his waist as he fucked me hard and fast.

"Good girl. Such a good girl for me," he'd praise as I lost control in his arms, gushing all over his length the second he told me to. In the past, I had been vehemently against taking directions from anyone. But, as soon as Butcher looked at me with his deep, hazel eyes, asking me if I wanted "Daddy to take care of me," I was putty in his hands, yearning to obey his every command.

Every night, we'd hear from MM, Hughie, Frenchie, and Kimiko, stating that they were ok and out of harms way. MM and Hughie had crossed the border into Ontario unscathed, except for Hughie's tragic fall, which I still found hilarious, and Frenchie and Kimiko had driven to New Jersey. Apparently, Kimiko had discovered the reality show, The Real Housewives of New Jersey and had begged Frenchie to take her to the state where it all takes place.

Butcher and I assured the rest of the group that we were safe as well, living as Ed's only guests in his small inn. And since we were his only tenants, Ed had taken the opportunity to show off his baking skills, making us anything from chocolate scones to apple tarts. According to Ed, he had learned it all from his late wife, Edna, and found comfort in recreating her original recipes.

Butcher wasn't one to coo over sweet stories from Ed's fifty-year marriage, but the baked treats kept him satisfied and uncharacteristically docile compared to his usual irritated personality.

"How much longer do we have to lay low?" I inquired on a Monday night during our third week at the inn. "I'm getting restless; I want to go see the town and walk around."

"Oi, Have I not been keepin’ ya’ busy?" Butcher asked, mildly insulted as he tore his eyes from the small TV in Ed's quaint living room on the first floor. We were watching reruns of old noir films, cuddled up on a pink settee.

My cheeks heated as I nestled further into his side, leaning my head on his shoulder. "No, you've done an excellent job at that...but I'm feeling a bit like a vampire. I miss the sun," I whined.

"Dontcha worry, Ella, you'll see the sun again." Butcher rubbed his hand up and down my arm, keeping me warm as a New Hampshire blizzard blew outside.

"Ella? Who in the hell is Ella? Fuck, I knew you had a side piece.”

"I'm talkin’ about the bird from that vampire show you and Kimiko watch all the bloody time," he replied.

I rolled my eyes as I breathed out a laugh. "You mean Elena? And the show is called The Vampire Diaries, for your information."

"Eh, Ella sounds better," Butcher shrugged.

I turned to him, a bemused look on my face. "Oh, really? Do you wish my name was Ella? No wonder you rarely call me by my name. You don't even like it."

"Come now, love. I see what you're doin’, tryin’ to get me all riled up. Well, it ain't gonna work unless ya’ want a very long trip over my knee."

I couldn't stop the way my legs rubbed together, seeking friction after hearing Butcher's threat. He'd already had me twice that day. But what can I say? I suppose Butcher was right, and I was insatiable.

"Sorry, Daddy," I said, pawing at his chest as I stared at him doe-eyed.

"That's it," he grumbled, standing from the small sofa and dragging me with him. "You asked for it, doll. Good luck sittin’ tomorrow."

I giggled in anticipation as we began to exit the living room, but Ed appeared in the doorway, halting us in our tracks.

"Oh, I was worried you folks had retired for the night. I just finished this fresh batch of brownies, and I simply could not wait for you to try them," Ed beamed, holding a tray chock full of chocolate squares with steam rising from them to prove they had just left the oven.

"Uh, sure. Of course. Sounds lovely, Ed. You're so generous, always offering us your wonderful sweets," I said kindly as Butcher and I retraced our steps back to the settee. Butcher discretely slipped a pillow into his lap to hide the tent forming in his pants.

"One for you, Mr. Butcher, and one for you, Mrs. Butcher," Ed said, extending the tray in front of us so we could each select a brownie. I still wasn't used to being called Mrs. Butcher, and I made sure to turn my head so Butcher wouldn't see how flustered I got.

"I'll tell ya’, Ed. If you keep feedin’ us like this, the misses and I will have to wrap up the honeymoon. I'm afraid she'll divorce me if I go up another size in me trousers." Butcher joked before stuffing half of the chocolate treat into his mouth.

Ed tittered," Speaking of the honeymoon, you all never told me about the wedding. Or how you met, for that matter. I'm sure it's a beautiful story."

I looked at Butcher to take the lead. We hadn't planned out a story ahead of time, so I was waiting to see what improvisation he had up his sleeve.

"Well, gov, where should we start?" Butcher asked, having already finished his dessert when I hadn't even taken a bite of mine yet.

Ed thought for a moment before his face brightened. "The engagement! Oh, tell me about the engagement. How did you propose, Mr. Butcher?"

I stayed watching Butcher as he brushed excess brownie crumbs from his lap and began to speak.

"Well, my girl here loves to see those Broadway shows. So, on the night of our second anniversary, we drove into the city to see her favorite one. What was the name of the play again, love?"

Realizing it was my turn to take the reigns, I sat up straighter, looking at Ed. "Phantom of the Opera. I always thought the show was so romantic, and Billy here definitely took advantage of that."

"That's for sure," Butcher chuckled, placing a hand on my thigh and rubbing it affectionately. "After the show, I took her to The Plaza for drinks. Then, I led her to one of their balconies, where I had hundreds of red roses set up. It was there on that balcony, under the moonlight, that I got down on me knee and asked her to be my wife."

"I didn't even give him a chance to finish the question before I was screaming, 'Yes! Yes!' over and over again," I laughed. "There was no need to think it through. I knew he was the one the moment I met him."

"Isn't that just precious," Ed declared, looking between the both of us with a wide smile. "I know two soulmates when I see them, and there's no doubt that you both were fated to be together."

"I certainly think so," I mumbled as Butcher and my eyes met. We gazed at each other as thick tension bloomed between us. If it weren't for Ed's constant feedback, I would've forgotten he was in the room with us.

A faint ding from the kitchen broke the bubble around Butcher and me, and he casually cleared his throat as I focused on eating my dessert.

"Oh, that's the oven timer!" Ed exclaimed, jumping up from his lazy-boy recliner. "That means my second batch of brownies is done."

"As it so happens," Butcher stood, stretching his arms. "Me and the misses outta turn in for the night."

"Of course, of course. You folks have a lovely evening, and like always, don't hesitate to come find me if you need anything at all."

Butcher and I nodded our thanks and watched Ed scurry from the room on a mission to rescue his brownies from burning in the oven.

"He's adorable," I commented as Butcher followed me up the short flight of stairs to the second floor. "I'm going to feel bad when we leave. He's going to be all alone."

"Dontcha worry, doll. He'll have other guests," Butcher assured me, holding our bedroom door open as I waltzed past him over the threshold.

I hummed faintly, thinking of poor, soon-to-be lonely Ed as I stripped off my clothes and readied myself for bed. A quiet settled over the both of us as I rummaged through Butcher's drawer in the dresser, looking for a shirt of his to steal.

When I turned towards the bed, donned in a dark blue Hawaiian shirt decorated with tall palm trees, I caught the man himself, standing on the other side of the bed, lost in thought.

"Everything alright?" I asked, pulling the covers on the bed back in order to dive under them.

"Yeah, darlin’. S’all good," he mumbled as he unbuttoned his shirt, letting it drape over the back of the desk chair.

"You sure?" I pressed as gently as I could. "You know you can tell me anything, right? I mean, if this relationship is going to work, we need to be able to communicate comfortably with each other. So, if there's something on your mind," I painted on a small smile of encouragement. "I'm all ears."

Butcher regarded me for a moment before turning around, and I surveyed the tension cascading down his back.

Concerned, I abandoned the bedding and circled the bed, coming to stand in front of Butcher.

"Don't hide from me," I whispered, "Please, Billy."

Butcher wrapped his arms around my back to pull me close, and I leaned into his chest and pressed a kiss over his heart, wanting to stop it from beating so erratically. He sighed at the affection and rested his cheek against the top of my head.

He didn't speak, so I took his lead and remained silent as well. If this was the comfort Butcher needed at the moment, then damnit I wasn't moving from this spot until my legs gave out.

Eventually, my eyes drifted close as I relaxed in Butcher's hold. I had come very close to falling asleep standing up when he finally spoke. I didn't know how long we had been standing there in each other's arms, but I disregarded that thought as I focused on Butcher's words, which were barely loud enough for me to hear.

"I stopped wearing me ring around my neck.”

He didn't continue after that, and I wondered if he was waiting for me to acknowledge his statement.

"Oh," I mumbled, my mouth muffled by his chest.

I didn't want to hinder the rest of his confession if there was anything left of it, that is, so I all but held my breath. It was like walking on eggshells, but even the toughest of men sometimes needed to be handled delicately.

"I took it off the night we got here after ya’ fell asleep. Didn’t think it was right to ask ya’ to be my girl when I was wearin’ it."

"Oh," I said again, feeling terribly lost for words.

"I don't-" Butcher hesitated. "I don't even know why I was wearin’ it. For safekeepin’, I suppose. But what was I keepin’ it safe for?"

"Do you ever wonder?" I asked cautiously, pulling back from Butcher's hold to look up at him. "If she'll come back? The police never found a body. Maybe, subconsciously or something, you were holding onto it in case she ever returned."

"She ain’t comin’ back, petal," Butcher whispered, stroking my cheek. "But it's ok. I've moved on. That's why I got rid of the bloody scrap of metal. How can I focus on the future if I'm still holdin’ onto the past?"

I nodded, contemplating what Butcher said as I bit the inside of my cheek. I wanted to ask if, in the extraordinary event that Becca came back from the presumed dead, Butcher would put his ring back on. They were married for eight years, almost a decade, for goodness sake. Why would he throw all that away for someone like me, who he's been in a relationship with for two goddamn weeks?

But I didn't want to beat a dead horse, and I had a feeling that that's I would be doing should I voice my concern. Butcher cared for me too much to admit that he'd leave me for his reincarnated wife.

"But speakin’ of movin’ on," Butcher stated, pulling me from my rambling thoughts. "I want ya’ to be the one I move on with."

"What do you mean?" I cocked my head. Isn't that what was already happening since he'd asked me to be in an established relationship?

"Well, I guess all that talk down there with Ed tonight got me thinkin’ about things. About us. About our future."

"Our future?"

"Yeah."

"What would a future for us look like?" I ran a hand down his bare chest.

"Well, after we kill every evil supe cunt that's ever walked this bleedin’ earth, I thought we could get married."

Butcher peered at me intently to gauge my reaction as he broke the barrier on the subject of marriage.

I rolled my lips together as my eyes nervously found his. "You're not like proposing now, are you? Because I've got to say, you really set the bar high with that bullshit proposal story you told Ed down there."

Butcher chuckled, "No, darlin’, m’not proposin’. What kind of a wanker proposes without a ring? All I'm sayin’ is that after all this shite is over, I want us to be together. Long haul and all that."

The side of my mouth curved up as I listened to Butcher describe his dreams.

"We could buy a nice fuck off house in the country somewhere, you know? So we can finally get some peace, and you can go outside and see the sun whenever ya’ like,” Butcher continued.

"And, if you're up for it, we could start a family."

I had to work hard at swallowing the lump in my throat as Butcher's hand came to rest on my lower stomach, both of us imagining what a little bump would look like there—proof of our devotion to each other.

"Billy," I croaked as my eyes burned with unshed tears.

"Ya’ don't gotta say anythin’ right now, love. I don't wantcha to feel pressured into-"

"No," I interrupted. "No, I want that, Billy. I want all of it. Everything you said. I want to marry you and build a home with you."

I placed my hand over Butcher's, which was still on my belly. "I want to have a baby with you."

I lost control of my tears, and they fell freely over my cheeks. I saw Butcher's eyes fill with his own emotion, and he swiped my tears away before bringing me in for a kiss.

"I love you," he whispered against my lips, and I inhaled sharply, pressing my mouth harder against his.

The kiss was heated, filled with emotions and confessions that we were finally letting free.

I drew back as I traced my fingers over every beautiful line on Butcher's face. "I love you too. So much."

"Fuck, I don't deserve ya’," Butcher shook his head, now swallowing a lump that was in his own throat. Unable to say anything, he brought his mouth back down to mine, wanting to express his feelings physically if he couldn't do it audibly.

"Want you," I plead as Butcher's mouth traveled down my neck, sucking and nipping to mark me as his. "Need you."

"I'm gonna ruin you," Butcher promised, voice like gravel. "I'm gonna fuckin’ ruin ya’ for every other fucking man."

I had no problem with that, and I jumped, wrapping my legs around his middle, groaning when both his hands groped my ass, kneading the soft flesh.

Butcher threw me down on the bed before unzipping his dark jeans. I followed his lead and unbuttoned my shirt, tossing the clump of fabric to the end of the bed, totally forgotten.

"Take them off," Butcher instructed, pointing a finger toward my white lace panties.

"Yes, Daddy," I obeyed, pushing my hips up to easily slide the underwear over my thighs and down my legs, never breaking eye contact with Butcher the entire time.

"Look attcha, followin’ Daddy's orders," Butcher uttered possesively, leaning over my frame, causing me to lay down on the bed so he could tower over me. "But s’not because you're a good girl, is it? No, it's because you're a needy little whore who's so desperate for Daddy's cock that you'd do absolutely anythin’. That's the truth, ain’t it, doll?"

I gripped the sheets as I felt my core clench around nothing, desperate to be filled to the brim.

"I think I asked ya’ a question, sweetheart," Butcher said, running his hand down my neck before wrapping his long fingers around my throat, physically stating his dominance over me.

"Yes, Daddy, it's the truth," I mewled, beginning to pant as if I were a bitch in heat, preening to be fucked.

"And what truth is that?" Butcher pressed, applying pressure to my neck, cutting off the blood flow to my brain. My head grew fuzzy, and a dopy smile covered my face as I gave Butcher the answer he was waiting for.

"I'm a needy little whore who's desperate for your cock, Daddy."

"Fuckin’ look at ya’.” Butcher observed my body. "I bet you'd let me do anythin’ to you, huh? Just Daddy's little toy who he can fuck however he wants."

I wrapped my legs around Butcher's waist and ground up into the hard-on he was sporting through his boxers.

"Did I say you could do that, princess?" Butcher reached around to smack the side of my thigh. The lasting sting caused me to moan, pressing harder against his covered shaft and relishing in the friction against my throbbing clit.

"Can't wait," I whined, blinking up at him helplessly. I was beyond the point of being embarrassed at how pathetic I looked.

"God, you really are a slut. I can feel ya’ makin’ a mess all over me fuckin’ boxers. Eh, drop your legs," Butcher slapped my leg again and I reluctantly let them fall against the mattress, but that didn't stop my hips from lifting off of the bed to find something to hump like a desperate pup.

Butcher slipped his boxers off and threw them somewhere behind him, not caring where they ended up, and wrapped a hand around his length, veins bulging and weighty balls hanging below.

"Show me your pretty cunt, sweetheart," Butcher said, and he barely got his request out before I spread my legs for me, pushing my sopping pussy up toward his face.

Butcher dragged his red tip that was already leaking pre-cum through my folds, and a broken sob left my mouth. "Please don't tease me."

Butcher repeated the same action until real tears began dripping down my face. "I'm serious, Butcher. Please, I can't fucking take it."

Butcher glared at me before grabbing my hips harshly and slamming his cock into my cunt. I gasped at the sudden intrusion and braced my hands on his shoulders to steady myself.

"That's not my fuckin’ name, doll," Butcher whispered darkly in my ear as he began to fuck me harshly.

"I'm sorry, Daddy, I'm sorry," I all but yelled as I hung on tight as Butcher rammed into me unrelentingly.

I reached down to circle my clit, and as a result, squeezed Butcher's length, letting him know that I was going to finish sooner than expected.

"Fuck, you're already close? My girl is more pathetic than I thought," Butcher chuckled.

I could barely process the shame from getting off on being so degraded due to Butcher slapping my hand away so he could work my clit himself.

"Are you gonna come, sweet girl? Cuz I'm gonna come too. And ya’ know what?" Butcher leaned his head down to whisper in my ear again. "I'm not gonna pull out."

My head slammed back against the pillow as my eyes screwed shut.

"I'm gonna come so fuckin’ deep in this cunt that you'll never question who ya’ belong to. You are mine. My girl. My wife. The mother of my children-"

Butcher's hips stuttered, and I felt hot ropes of his cum coat my walls.

My mouth opened wide in a silent scream as I pulsed around his cock, my slick streaming onto the bed sheets as I came, almost violently.

My body was covered in pins and needles as Butcher took deep breaths while coaching me on how to do the same.

"Breath for my, sweetheart," Butcher encouraged, rubbing a hand over my stomach.

"That's it," he said in approval when I took a full breath, filling my lungs with much-needed oxygen. "Good girl. Doin’ such a good job for me."

Butcher waited a couple of minutes before pulling his softening length out. Then, he climbed off the bed and pulled his boxers back on.

"Stay right there, doll. I'll be back in a jiffy." Butcher kissed me on the forehead, and I mumbled unintentionally in response.

He walked into the bathroom, and I heard the sink begin to run.

I didn't have to wait long before Butcher returned with a damp washcloth in hand. He knelt at the foot of the bed and pulled my legs apart, all sexual intentions gone, only the idea of aftercare on his mind.

The warm cloth against my skin was healing, and I felt a fatigue take over my body.

"I'm sleepy," I mumbled.

"Good. That means I wore ya’ out," Butcher teased, standing to take the used washcloth back into the bathroom.

I sat up and retrieved Butcher's shirt, slipping it back over my tired body, yawning as I did so.

When Butcher appeared again, he ducked under the sheets. I didn't hesitate to nestle up to his side, and I made a soft sound of contentment when he pulled me onto his chest.

My ear rested over his heart, and I smiled when I felt it beat slow and steady, unlike how it raced earlier. I was happy to know Butcher was at ease and void of his previous anxiety. And if I had something to do with that, well, I guess that would explain the butterflies tumbling in my stomach.

Butcher ran a hand through my hair, twirling the strands and lightly scratching my scalp as he attempted to lull me into a soothing slumber.

I was almost asleep when a bang rang out downstairs, and as a complete parallel to our first morning here, Butcher and I shot up in bed, gazing at each other, alarmed.

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tag list: @weallhaveadestiny @im-nowhere-but-also-somewhere @mandossillyriduur @bluemerakis @karlurbanism

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[alexismcknight25]

What if Ella Kneeled – Part 2

What happens when Charming is taken before The Queen of Hearts?

Based of the scene from the looking glass Red and Chloe see but a new version to fit with this story.

Part 1 - ao3 link to this chapter

The Queen of Hearts sent some of her Knights to Cinderellasburg to fetch Charming. She doesn’t know exactly what happened, but she has heard enough to know he has not treated Ella as she deserved.

At this moment, Ella is concealing herself, where she can hear everything that is happening but no one can see her.

Charming is about to be brought in, and she wants to show him what he’s done.

If he wanted to abandon his family, then he could believe they were all gone.

Bridget asked Ella for her glass shoes before Ella hid, and Ella handed them over. Bridget then used one of her cards to create a new pair of shoes just for Ella, which Ella loved and put on straight away.

“If you want to keep your heads, not one word to Charming about what has happened here?” The Queen of Hearts threatened her captives.

The Card Knights drag Charming in.

“Let me go” Charming complains to the Card Knights holding him.

“Oh, Charming. So nice to see you again” The Queen of Hearts greets Charming

“Where’s Cinderella?” Charming asks as the Card Knights throw him to the ground

“Why? Do you still care for her?” The Queen of Hearts questions him as she grabs the glass shoes from a Card Knight

"No!" Charming yells, distraught, not seeing his wife.

“Are you looking for these?” The Queen of Hearts asks him holding the shoes out in front of him

“What have you done?” Charming asked her, still distraught. He never thought Bridget could harm his wife, but it turns out he doesn't know her.

The Queen of Hearts then throws the Glass Shoes on the ground shattering them into millions of tiny pieces.

Charming pleads, "No... No... No," as he scratches his hands on the pieces of the Glass Shoes in front of him.

“You know I didn’t think you cared anymore?” Ella comments as she comes into view

Charming is confused as he looks up and sees his wife walk up to The Queen of Hearts' side.

His wife is seemingly still alive. Whose shoes were just destroyed in front of him as if they meant nothing?

He also notices Chloe is missing.

“Where’s Chloe?” He asks wondering where his daughter is. She is always with her mother.

"Oh, so now you care about my daughter? Where have you been for the last eight years as I raised her alone? Also, I'm not sure if you're aware, but Bridget has a daughter the same age as Chloe. Both girls are missing. Not that it would matter to you. Bridget and I will find our daughters. We don't need you!" Ella complained to him. Why is he mentioning Chloe now? He hasn't been there for the last eight years, so why should it make any difference now?

Then Ella does something she hasn’t done since she was a teenager. Something she tried so hard to forget.

She walks closer to Bridget takes her face in her hands and does like she did so many times in the past she kisses Bridget but this time for everyone to see. This time for Henry to watch.

Bridget is shocked at first. It's been a long time, and she told her daughter, Love ain’t it Ella broke her heart when they were teenagers, but she remembers this so well. This right here, right now, Ella is choosing her. Choosing her over Charming and kissing her in front of everyone.

So after a moment, Bridget starts kissing back. The kiss gets more heated and they have both missed this so much. So when Ella’s tongue runs along Bridget’s lower lip of course she lets her in and then the two of them are full-on making out for everyone to see.

When Ella finally pulls away breathless she turns to the Card Knights and commands “Take him away”

The Card Knights are shocked and confused at this order and turn to their Queen for confirmation.

“Well you heard her, take him away. Lock him up in the dungeons” The Queen of Hearts commands her soldiers

Charming is just lost for words as the Card Knights drag him away.

Bridget turns to Ella and god does she love this woman? Even more after her actions just now.

Ella is blushing so hard. God she has missed this woman.

"Sorry," Ella whispers to Bridget.

"Don't be," Bridget whispers back before leaving a chaste kiss on Ella's lips.

"I have missed this," Bridget tells her as she slowly pulls away.

"Me too," Ella whispers back.

The two then remember they are not alone.

The Queen of Hearts stares everyone down

“Anyone, going to say anything?”

Everyone wisely keeps their mouths shut. Knowing it's better to remain silent. Most people are too shocked to say anything, knowing that speaking up could cost them their heads.

[alovesreading]

Constant Repeat | Part 9

Summary: Having worked at Focus Creeps for a year, Ella knows that as a production assistant and part of the crew, there’s one important rule: don’t interact with the talent unless it’s needed. But once she meets Arctic Monkeys, and the recording of the music videos for their upcoming fourth studio album starts, the band seem to become her exception. Not only because they treat her more like a friend than just someone else they’re working with but when Alex continuously makes her blush with his flirting, so enthralled by her that he forgets he’s got a girlfriend, Ella finds herself growing closer to him. As videos are filmed, wrapped and edited, the friendship lines become blurry. Situations unfold, secrets are told and others are kept under lock and key, but how long can Alex and Ella endure being stuck in each other’s minds on constant repeat.  

Word Count: 20.4k

Story Warnings: Throughout this series there will be suggestive talk, jealousy, cheating, alcohol and drug use, angst, smut.  

A/N: This is gonna be a rather lengthy author's note but it's needed. Y'all must definitely know the wonderful @imagine-that-100​ and her masterpiece of a fic Nothing Revealed In A Common Crisis. I'm not exaggerating when I say that fic changed my life in many amazing ways: it introduced me to the 1975, I made friends with N and she's now my best mate and such a special person to me, and through becoming friends with her i gained the courage to start writing again and finally post my fics. I hold @nriacc so close to my heart, so it's a massive honor that N allowed me to borrow Wheels and Curly to use in this story, giving them an alternate universe story line that melts my heart. I'm so beyond excited for you to read this chapter and the rest of this UK trip because it's so fucking fun and eventful. I'm looking forward eagerly to see all of your reactions! I'll shut up now, but I hope you enjoy this chapter!!!!!

Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 |

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It was cruel how slow time had been going. A month had never felt longer, and days were specially slow as she was back at the Focus Creeps office everyday.

Organizing all the clips she had gotten from the recording had only kept her busy for the first week back, and after that it had just been torture to get back into routine.

The one good thing was that, since Aaron had a new PA, Ella was properly getting more into the videography aspect of it all and being mentored directly by Ben.

She had studied for that type of job, all she had ever wanted was to be behind the camera in any type of production and finally being able to do it, no matter how small the production was, was a dream come true.

However, it was a lot of work and, whilst she loved it, managing the crew and instructing a whole team for a production could get really stressful. She still had her PA brain in her so regardless of not needing to, she would take on more responsibilities just to ensure everything would end up perfect on shoot day.

Needless to say, just the thought of the holiday approaching made her incredibly giddy.

The day she had gotten to drop Breana off at LAX had been the day she had started getting nervous. The model had been able to get off work and fly over a week earlier than Ella, and even though she had offered to wait another week so they could fly together, Ella had encouraged her to go ahead.

Bre was already dying to see her boyfriend, so why would Ella want to keep her another week away from him?

The silver lining of the situation was that she'd get to be with everyone in only a week. Just seven more days to wait were nothing in comparison to the three endless weeks she had already waited so it'd be fine.

When she got home that afternoon, she went straight to get her suitcase which was hidden away in a corner of her closet. Ella laughed to herself as she packed away, the whole scene being soundtracked by Bowie. That was probably the first time since she moved out to college that she had packed her things with that much time in advance.

She had just rolled up a pair of black pants when 'Modern Love' was interrupted by a call. A call from the one and only, Alex Turner.

Beaming at the contact name, she swiped on her screen to answer and it wasn't even a fraction of a second later that she heard "Hello my darling!" being shouted by a very obviously drunk Alex.

Ella could hear chatter and music in the background, but his loud slurred greeting had been heard without difficulty. "Hi Al! Having fun?"

"Erm," The singer hesitated dramatically, "A bit, yeah."

"Sure sounds like a bit of fun." She replied sarcastically, making him giggle.

"Far less than it would be if you were here."

Ella tried hard not to laugh again, "Oh wow, I'm worried now I might not remember this trip."

"Oh it'll be memorable alright." Ella couldn't hold her laughter in any longer, giggling loudly at the slurred statement and he smiled to himself hearing that sound, "Remind me why aren't you already on your way with Bre now?"

She sighed, "Because I have a big shoot this week and I couldn't miss it because I'll be filling Aaron's place and working directly with Ben."

"You're so fucking amazing, darling." Alex started, completely amazed at her stories now that she was hands on working on the directing aspect of their productions, "I want you directing our music videos from now on." He demanded as seriously as a drunk man can.

"I think drunk you might not be making the best decisions." She quipped with an immense smile on her face.

"Yeah, no." He was quick to disagree, shaking his head profusely like Ella was there to see him. "That'd be the best decision actually. I'll give Ben a quick call."

"Alex, stop it you idiot." Her cheeks were already heating up so she took her phone away from her ear and put it on speaker to place it on her bed as she continued packing. "It's only one more week. Six days if you count this day as over."

He groaned loudly, "Six more days is too long. I can't wait to see you."

Ella was fully melting. It had been so excruciating to be away from the lads, especially from Alex that she kept thinking about what it would be to hug him again. To lean on him for support as she doubled over in laughter, to cuddle him again. She missed him loads, and she'd realized just how important he had become to her when he had left.

She tried to play it cool though, "Okay but you should be more excited about Glastonbury rather than me coming, Al."

"Well you are coming to see us at Glastonbury so it's basically the same thing." Alex defended himself, when in reality he really wasn't able to point out which of those two he was most excited for.

Ella could only shake her head and smile to herself, "You're funny."

"'Course I am." Alex chatted back with an almost offended tone.

She wanted to taunt him a bit more, he was always hilarious when drunk. "That wasn't necessarily literal."

"Yeah, yeah sure–" Alex started but was interrupted by Matt yelling, "Ellie!" out loud as he had come out looking for Alex and heard her through the speakers of the singer's phone.

"Jesus Christ, my eardrums just burst." Ella exaggerated as she folded a black top and rolled it to fit into her case.

Matt scoffed, "Why are you such a bitch, I was about to tell you how much I missed you."

Feeling accomplished by getting that reaction, she giggled but admitted, "I miss you too Helders."

"Did you drop Bre off today?" The drummer asked first and foremost. He was eager to see his girl, a month had been way too long already.

Ella was proud to announce, "Yes. Got back a few hours ago. She texted me she was boarding about twenty minutes ago so your girl is on her way."

"Thank fuck. That plane better speed here." The hours the flight took were always the worst wait for him, they had been every time.

"I'm sure Bre is making the pilot go as fast as they can to get to you as soon as possible." Ella joked, being able to picture the scenario so clearly. But as she picked up her favorite pair of high heeled boots, the leather slipped between her fingers and landed with a loud thud on the floor. "Oh shit!"

The silence from the lads' side was loud, but Ella's was louder so Alex inquired very quickly, "What are you breaking Eleanor?"

Whenever he used her full name, her insides twisted in a knot. Ella rolled her eyes at the feeling and sassily replied, "Nothing Alexander, just dropped a pair of shoes I was about to pack." She hoped he felt the same way when she called him by his full name.

If Ella had gotten an answer to that, it would've been yes but it was overcome by the giddiness Alex then felt over the fact that she was already packing for the trip. "You're packing already?"

"Yes. Apparently I can't stay still now thinking about this trip." And it was true, she probably took a look at her tickets at least twice a day just to check if they were still real.

"Well it is quite eventful, innit? Glasto, Nick's wedding, the music video..." Alex listed with a loopy smile on his face. It would be the perfect first stay in the UK for her, and he couldn't wait to make it even better.

But Ella was suffering through the wait so it just made her whine for him to stop. "Stop because I will cry from having to wait another week."

Alex flustered at the noise but he was reminded he wasn't alone when Matt laughed beside him. The singer sighed, really putting his drunk mind to work out a solution to the problem, "Why isn't teleporting a thing yet?"

Ella snorted in laughter, "It would make it all so much easier, wouldn't it?"

He really started going deep in thought, thinking about how if they were just grasping the logical ways of the concept then the government or whoever would already have something developed. Or they should, at least. "I'm sure there has to be something that–"

Alex's heavy rant was prematurely interrupted by the usual troublemaker in the friend group. "Ellie?"

"Yes, Matthew?"

"Don't forget to pack your skimpy underwear, you'll be going out on the pull here. We need to get you a rebound!" Matt was so drunk, he missed the amount of people walking past them and turning to see him after being so loud about his plans for the American girl.

Ella cackled, deciding between a few skirts she had laid out on the bed. "It will be noted."

But at the same time Alex cussed out his best mate, "Oh fuck off Helders."

Matt frowned at him, "What? I'm just looking out for her! She needs to get every faint memory of that dickhead fucked out of her brain."

Alex hated thinking about that being the situation, he wouldn't have it. "Jesus– Just, fucking shut up."

"I do actually," Ella agreed on Matt's logic, "But let's not talk about it." She sighed in slight melancholy.

"See?!" Matt fought Alex loudly, making Ella laugh loud at him.

Alex turned to the drummer about to threaten him, "Helders I will fucking–"

Ella stopped them before they could do anything, "Okay don't fight now. I'm not there to record."

"Don't worry, I'll ask Jamie to record as I kick his arse." Matt said confidently, almost ready to run back in and ask for Jamie's help.

But she was quick to kick the drummer's ego down a few notches, "I doubt that'll happen."

"Bitch!" Matt gasped out loud, completely offended.

"Thanks for the support, darling." Alex replied with a smirk, raising his eyebrows at his friend.

"Yeah, you just say that 'cause you want his–" Matt tried to say but it was all muffled what she heard next. Ella held her breath to try and listen but nothing could be heard other than shuffling.

About a minute later the line went clear again and someone cleared their throats, "Sorry 'bout that darling, he gets on my nerves."

Ella shook her head, only imagining what it was that they had just done. "He has that effect."

"Well I can't wait for you to get here, darling. It's gonna be fucking amazing I promise you." Alex would make sure of it like his life depended on it.

Her excitement bubbled up inside her once more, "I know it will, I'm so excited. Finally started watching Game of Thrones to practice my accent."

He remembered getting a picture of the three seasons on DVD she had gotten not long after they had gone back to London and how she said she'd watch it soon to prepare for her trip. "Oh darling, I cannot wait to see you miserably fail at that."

"Hey!" Ella warned him before switching to her very fake and forced british accent, "It's quite good actually." Alex couldn't not let out the loudest laugh at it though, which made her laugh back as she tried to say, "Don't laugh!"

He tried to stop but he couldn't so it was about half a minute later that he could properly say, "Sorry, that was just bad."

"You're mean." She pouted to herself, rolling a pair of jeans.

He hummed and sarcastically said, "Sure I am." Ella was about to call him out for it when they heard, "Alex!" being yelled out by Nick. "Okay, I gotta go now but, erm, I'll call you tomorrow alright?" He stumbled in his words, his tongue tangling because of being drunk and excited.

Ella smiled at that, "That's perfect. Enjoy the rest of your night, Al. Love you." She just couldn't help but add.

Alex swore he would never get over her saying that, even if she didn't mean it like he wanted her to. "Love you too, darling. Bye."

"Bye." She said almost breathless as his words hit her like she hadn't heard him say that before.

The line went dead and they both sighed before going back to their activities. The week needed to pass faster.

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Ella had been walking around LAX with a skip on her step. Her flight was due to leave California at seven in the afternoon and she'd be landing in Montreal at around three in the morning. She had a connecting flight, of course, but she had made sure to make her calculations well and she knew she'd get there in time.

She had made sure to leave her house and order herself a taxi with enough time to spare, taking LA's traffic very into consideration. The counter of the airline she was traveling with had been packed but she got her boarding pass about forty minutes later, with two hours left to go through TSA and then rush to her gate.

Being mindful of how long it would take, she had already taken everything that could beep off her body and placed it inside the big bag she was carrying with her. Though she shouldn't have needed to worry because being the time it was and the fact that it was LAX, the line for TSA moved specially slow, taking her about thirty minutes to get through.

And, of course, her gate was the one furthest away so she was power walking through the airport, not without making a quick stop at McDonald's first. When she finally found her gate, she'd sat in the waiting area with her laptop open in her lap to edit some pictures.

She'd had to do some shoots on digital for a brand that was working with Focus Creeps and despite it not being her favorite medium, they had turned out amazing. She had studied quite intently everything about photo editing in university, so really she was just putting old skills to use when editing them.

When she was almost done with the first batch of pictures, and eating the last of her chips now that her burger was gone, she noticed that the time in the top right corner of her laptop said 7:16PM and they hadn't been called yet, so she started to fidget in her seat.

There was just one person at the counter but they didn't have the airline's uniform. She could see a plane parked right at the gate though, and people driving the boarding bridge in place. Her legs bounced up and down as she watched her surroundings for any signs of them boarding soon.

Just when Ella was about to panic because the person who was at the counter left, her phone buzzed in her pocket, startling her. She pulled it out, grateful for a small distraction from her building anxiety and her face relaxed at the notification of Alex's text.

(27/06/2013 19:17) Hope the airport isn't too crazy at the minute, darling. How's everything going? Have you boarded yet? x

She bit on her thumb, looking around for anyone from the airline getting the counter ready for boarding but no one was there yet so she fully focused on texting the singer.

(27/06/2013 19:18) We were supposed to board twenty minutes ago, so I'm slowly getting nervous. Every minute counts, you know? I can't miss y'all at Glastonbury Al :(

(27/06/2013 19:19) Don't you worry darling, you'll make it just in time. And I'm sure you'll be boarding in no time, just listen to some music, yeah? Maybe some Beatles to set the mood x

(27/06/2013 19:20) I think it'd be better if I blast some Arctic Monkeys, wouldn't it?

(27/06/2013 19:20) I suppose that works too, they're overrated though x

(27/06/2013 19:21) Okay now, don't talk shit about them when I'm only traveling this long to see them.

(27/06/2013 19:21) Hahaha sorry darling x I cannot wait to see you, the lads can't wait either and Bre has been screeching about your first time over here since she got here.

(27/06/2013 19:22) You always know what to say, Al. I feel like I'm gonna puke from excitement now and not anxiety. Can't wait to see y'all.

(27/06/2013 19:23) Everyone's already planning so much shit for when you get here. Just a little heads up for you x

(27/06/2013 19:23) Jesus Christ... I'm scared of the hangovers to come already.

(27/06/2013 19:24) It'll be fun, that's all that matters. What Bre and Matt are planning though, I have no idea about.

(27/06/2013 19:25) Oh no, they're in charge of the parties before the wedding right?

(27/06/2013 19:26) Exactly, so we must be in for a wild night. Gutted we can't be together for those x

(27/06/2013 19:27) Who's gonna save me from Bre then?! She's gonna have me black out, I can't handle alcohol as well as she does.

(27/06/2013 19:27) You can't handle alcohol at all, darling xx

(27/06/2013 19:27) Thanks for the faith, Al. So sweet of you x

(27/06/2013 19:28) Won't apologize for the truth x But Katie and my best friend will be there, they'll take care of you x

(27/06/2013 19:29) Rude! :(( I'm so excited to meet everyone properly!!! x

(27/06/2013 19:29) Just stay away from tequila and you'll be fine darling x And everyone is excited to finally meet you too xx

(27/06/2013 19:30) Such good advice xx P.S. someone's just set things up for boarding! I'll text you when I get to Montreal xxx

(27/06/2013 19:30) Have a great flight, darling. Love you lots xxxx

(27/06/2013 19:30) Thank you Alex, love you too xxxx

Ella stood up from her place with a bright grin on her face. She'd never not react like that to his sweet words.

Once she got her thoughts together, she hung her bag on her shoulder, after stuffing her laptop back inside it, and walked to throw away her McDonald's bag.

As soon as she was able to, Ella boarded her flight. Feeling so elated as she walked to the plane's door and through the hallway up to her seat. She loved being in planes, even though going out of the country had never happened for her before.

She found herself unable to stay still when she got to her seat. There were so many things making her insides feel like jelly, she had a little silent cry in the plane as it took off. Ella was grateful nobody beside her could really see her as she had a window seat, her eyes glued to how everything was looking more minuscule by the minute outside until it was just clouds.

Eventually, she pulled out her laptop again and continued editing, she had a little bit over five hours to kill and since she had no other way to distract herself, she was going through the pictures faster than anticipated.

How she was going to brace the seven hour flight from Montreal to London, she had no idea. She probably would have to come up with concepts for future shoots, work with words rather than with reference pictures since she had no wifi.

Ella had been amazed, watching Montreal under the plane when they were about to land. The lights of the city lighting up everything for her to see, she felt like a child being amazed at such a simple thing, but it looked so beautiful she had to take a picture. She used her phone first but it did little to no justice to it so she pulled out her camera and took a few pictures just to see if it would show on film as beautiful as her eyes could see.

Even walking around the Canadian airport was fascinating to her, because all the signs were in French too, which made her think about just how amazing it would be to visit France.

Thankfully, walking through the airport and finding her gate had been a breeze so she could sit down calmly and just sort through some stuff that she had been procrastinating for long. Before starting to organize her scans though, she sent Alex a quick text.

(28/06/2013 04:20) Landed in Montreal a few minutes ago, and at the gate waiting for the next flight! Only an hour left to wait and then I'll be on my way. I cannot stay still!!! xx Also Canada is beautiful, I love it! xx

Due to the lack of wifi connection, she sent it as a regular SMS, not really caring about being charged. She just hoped it went through as she went back to her laptop screen to work the next hour away.

But her bubble of giddiness had burst when she and all the others who were waiting for their connecting flight, were surprised by someone from the airline crew going up to the gate's waiting area microphone and informing them all that their flight had been delayed six hours because of some issues with the plane that was supposed to take them to London.

Ella scoffed in disbelief. Of course this would happen to me, was all that came to her mind.

When they told them their luggage would have to be picked up from baggage claim and they'd have to check in once again, it hit her just how much time she'd be losing.

She started panicking as she walked out to baggage claim, spotting her flight number in the furthest conveyor belt.

She had debated texting Alex again to tell him about the whole situation, just to let him know, but when she properly made her calculations and realized how much later she'd get there, her whole attention was drawn to fixing the issue.

People saw her rolling her big suitcase around the airport in a haste, her bag continuously falling off her shoulder but it was the least of her concerns as she approached the counters of the airline. She saw the big line of people and was about to cry, but thankfully she spotted some people assisting at the very end of the queue that could help her.

Ella told them about her situation and they apologized profusely. They told her to wait as they saw what they could do and after twenty minutes in which she just watched them type away, call and speak with different people behind the counter, she was told she could get a ticket for another plane they had which was leaving in two hours.

When the time was very scarily going closer to six in the morning, she had been able to check in her suitcase and run to go through security once again. She was grateful everyone had been lovely in every checkpoint, because if she had been faced with another obstacle, she was sure she would've broken down in the middle of the airport.

Never in her life had she walked so fast, and it was only when she got to her gate did she allow herself to fully sit in the panic. On her way, she had been doing the math and she realized she'd be landing in London cutting it very close to their set. It was when she remembered she still needed to get driven to the place the festival was at, that she found she'd get there after the lads had gone on stage, probably in the middle of their set.

Without letting another minute go to waste, she called Alex and tried her hardest to keep herself composed. At least she had a ticket and it would be a minor setback, not six hours.

"Hello, darling!" He exclaimed and she could feel his smile through the phone, her shoulders slowly loosening up at the thought of being beside her best friend soon.

"Hiya, Alex." Ella greeted, trying to copy his enthusiasm but she failed incredibly and Alex knew her so well now that he immediately knew something was wrong.

He walked away from the noise around him, they'd gotten to the festival early and they were all drinking and watching the final touches to the stage setup. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

Ella bit her lip, trying not to get too worked up and push herself to tears. "I am, I am. Just— My original flight got delayed six hours..."

Alex's heart dropped, "Oh darling." He muttered, filled with sadness.

"Okay but listen," She continued, trying to switch the situation around—more to try and calm herself than anything else—, "I managed to get a new ticket, but it leaves in about an hour. So, if my calculations aren't wrong, then I might be landing around eight in the evening."

He hummed, "The drive is about two hours and a half, it's okay darling. You're getting picked up by the driver we hired, you'll make it."

She sighed, "I hope I make it on time..." She knew she wouldn't be there from the start but just the knowledge of being a few minutes late to their set wouldn't make her weep at that very moment.

Alex just had to reassure her though, because anything could happen and it was out of everyone's hands so the last thing he wanted was for her to blame herself. "Even if you get here a little late, we just want you here. It's okay Ellie. I promise you, darling."

If Ella hadn't been in public, she would've let herself sob, but she had to inhale deeply to keep herself at bay and focus on the fact that she was on her way to them and that was all that mattered.

"Okay, Al. I'm just gonna distract myself as I wait and, uhm, yeah. I hope this one doesn't get delayed." She tried to joke but her heart sank at just the thought of it.

"Touching wood as we speak, Ellie." He truly was, knocking softly on the wooden table that was set beside him.

She laughed quietly, "I guess I'll see you soon then Al, but just in case I don't get there in time," her voice went a little quiet as she was getting sad at the thought, "Good luck okay? You're all gonna do so amazing, I have no doubt."

"Why don't you just wait until you're here to tell me?" Alex just wanted her to stop thinking like that, she was gonna make it regardless and that's what mattered to him.

"Alright." Ella agreed softly, trying to feed off his positivity.

"Have a great flight darling. Love you. It'll be alright okay?" That sweet conviction of his that he always showed when it came to her laced around his words had her melting and calming down in her seat.

She nodded, smiling tightly at his words. "Yeah, it will. Love you too Alex, see you soon."

They exchanged quiet goodbyes and just like that the call ended.

The panic had gone away and its place had been taken by excitement again. She just wished time would go faster because she had little patience left inside her and it had only been fifteen minutes she had been waiting at the gate.

Working on organizing her scans had been wonderful for her, not only because she had so many that she had forgotten about, but she had been able to see her growth as a photographer and it had made her a little bit proud of herself.

It had been a burden to see the ones with Julian in them, or the ones that she clearly remembered had been taken by him but they were good shots of her where she felt and looked beautiful so she would focus on that rather than give that man any more of her thoughts.

She'd known ever since that day at the beach that she was done with him, over the whole situation and, since she wrapped her mind around that realization, she'd only felt peace. He thankfully hadn't made any more appearances or tried to contact her—of course that also was because she'd made sure to block all contacts that could tie them together any longer.

That all had worked like a charm and surrounding herself with work and keeping in touch with her friends and family had helped her heal.

When she was sorting through the pictures she'd taken in March, that were mostly frames of her birthday party as Bre had been drunkenly taking many pictures of everyone, the crew had started to board.

Ella was glad to see they had started boarding earlier than anticipated and she was on her plane seat in almost no time. And to her luck, she had been seated beside a very lovely woman who had the most beautiful ginger hair Ella had ever seen. That had been the start of the conversation and the girl, who's name was Gabby, had thanked her and started conversation with her right then.

It seemed like the friendship had been sent from above as the two spent most of the flight talking about everything and anything: their jobs, their hobbies, why they were on that plane, the things they were most excited for when they landed.

"Rockstars..." Gabby has started after Ella told her she was on her way to visit her rockstar best friends, "Be careful, you never really know about them." She warned, based on past experiences that made a melancholic smile tug at the corner of her lips.

When the plane landed, they had gone through all of the checkpoints together up until the baggage claim area.

Ella and Gabby exchanged Instagram accounts and they promised each other to keep in touch and maybe plan something while Ella was in London.

It seemed like luck was on Gabby's side because her suitcase was one of the first ones to come out only 20 minutes later, leaving Ella with a long hug and a "Take care sweetheart."

Without the ginger beside her, Ella had been well aware of every minute that was passing and how if everything was going according to schedule then it would be less than two hours that the lads would go on stage.

Maybe if the driver just floored it, she'd be able to make it just in time. She prayed that was the case.

But time kept running and she watched people getting their baggage and leaving, everyone but her. It was a group of twenty people maybe that was waiting with her, and suddenly the conveyor belt stopped carrying cases which made Ella even more fidgety.

When she watched the clock go from nine o'clock to quarter past, she'd had enough. She sighed, fixing her bag on her shoulder to turn around and leave—after all, if her case was found, it had her information attached to it and they'd contact her so she couldn't care less about it—, but then cases started rolling in again and the third one was hers.

Ella practically ran towards it and pulled it up with a strength she didn't know she had in her. As soon as she had a hold on it, she walked fast towards the exit in search of the driver the lads had gotten her.

It took her a few glances around the crowd of people waiting for her to find her name on a small sign. 'Eleanor Hayes' read the sign in the man's hands and she approached him with a relieved smile on her face.

They exchanged pleasantries and he took the suitcase from her as they walked out to the car. It was outside that it hit her where she was. Seeing cars driving on the other side of the road and everyone talking in thick accents around her was enough for her to smile hard.

Even if she was two hours away from the guys, they were standing in the same soil and that was enough for her to breathe calmly for a while.

Ella got in the back seat of the car, and once again she felt like she couldn't sit still. The worst part was that she wasn't even able to call Alex or text him because her phone was basically useless.

So she put her earphones in and connected them to her phone to play some music. Something inside her knew exactly what she needed to hear then and so she scrolled all the way down until she found that song she hadn't been able to stop listening to since that day.

Her eyes watched out of the window, how they were driving on the left side of the road, how different it all was but something felt constant and growing inside her. But then 'Feels Like We Only Go Backwards' started and her thoughts drowned before she could even allow herself to point out what it was.

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Ella had made light conversation with the driver when they were walking up to the car and he had taken her petition to go as fast as he could to heart. He knew she needed to be there by ten in the evening so he had done the best he could.

Yet that hadn't been enough, because they got there at a little bit over eleven.

The driver had lent Ella his phone so she could call an assistant to the band's manager who was waiting for her to arrive.

The girl had been lovely and told Ella she'd be coming to get her and about thirty minutes later, with her heart leaping on her chest, Ella was walking up to the balcony at the side of the stage.

She was almost in tears seeing and hearing the massive crowd go incredibly insane at the sight of the lads coming back for the encore.

Ella had barely registered the manager's assistant telling Breana that Ella had arrived until Bre had jumped on her to hug her, and that was when the tears had started falling. Ella was so overwhelmed that she was just now processing the long day she'd had and it was hitting her like a ton of bricks.

She was so entranced by the guys getting their instruments and about to perform again that she had only been able to smile and wave at the girls around her. She recognized Kelly of course but she didn't know who out of the two other girls that were there was Katie and who was Alex's best friend.

Alex started strumming his guitar and teasing the crowd with the lyrics to 'Soul Love' by David Bowie, everyone at the balcony laughed as they sang it back to him but he was quick to cut them off when he said, "I'm only messing, I'm only kidding."

He walked backwards for a few seconds before going back to the mic and this time teasing them with 'Yellow' by Coldplay, which made the crowd sing it back to him even louder.

"I'm only messing, I'm only messing." He tried saying but the thousands of people ignored it so he laughed looking at Jamie and shaking his head, "I'm only kidding. Pipe down now, pipe down." And since they still didn't listen, he went ahead and started singing the next song which was 'Cornerstone'.

Ella hadn't even known that they had a string section playing with them until she heard them join the guys during the second verse and she swore she had ascended.

Nothing would ever compare to hearing Alex's stunning voice, accompanied by the violins and cellos, and the crowd so wholeheartedly singing along.

Alex was enthralling standing there just talking to the masses of people and getting them to cheer loudly at him when he suggested an old monkeys song that they didn't perform often. Ella was trying to guess which one it would be when the violins started the gorgeous melody of 'Mardy Bum' and it all sounded even better when the crowd sang along.

It was mesmerizing to say the least. Ella had thought seeing them perform Outside Lands in 2011 had been insane enough, but nothing compared to this. She had never witnessed something like it before and it was leaving her breathless.

A few tears fell down her cheeks and since Bre was holding her close, resting her face against hers, she noticed. The model turned to her best friend, cooing and gave her a loud kiss on the cheek.

Ella was sad she had only caught the end of their performance but so glad to at least have caught a bit of it. She wouldn't have forgiven herself if she had missed it completely.

She watched as Alex changed her acoustic guitar for his Fender jazzmaster when the song was done, and in no time he started playing the chords to 'When The Sun Goes Down'. The crowd was so loud almost completely drowning his voice, making everyone at the balcony sing along.

Just before the song fully kicked in after the first verse, Alex stopped and encouraged the crowd to get louder and louder. It was mental to see how much control he had over them, making them scream as loud as they could with a small movement of his hand.

Finally when they continued, Ella just fully let go of any inhibitions and started dancing with Bre, jumping on her spot and singing along loudly. The girls had done the same, all of them faking playing a guitar and headbanging.

One of the girls she didn't know had wolf whistled and yelled "That's my best friend!" which had Ella instantly knowing who she was. She was glad she had just spent most of the song with her arm swung over the girl's shoulder and both had danced together like they'd known each other their whole lives.

It all got even cuter when Alex asked the crowd if they could help him sing happy birthday to his mum. Ella had melted as she and everyone sang along, Alex had a permanent grin on his face loving the energy and how perfect the night was going.

Ella watched intently as Alex welcomed Miles on stage, whooping and clapping for her friend. She had only been able to see Miles playing 505 with them on video and caught glimpses of it in the studio when the guys were playing around and strummed along for a few seconds, but she was sure this one time would be life changing.

When Alex sang "I'd probably still adore you with your hands around my neck", she felt Bre teasingly choke her which made her laugh. That made her almost miss Alex doing it to himself softly in front of the whole crowd. She had to keep herself from letting her eyes roll at that, not only because she was in public, surrounded by people but she had to not think about Alex like that.

She couldn't. They were just friends and no matter how attractive she could find him, she couldn't let herself and her thoughts wander beyond that point.

The song reached its climax and she was taken aback by the crowd's volume once again. It was nothing compared to how loud they got by the end of the song, when the lights grew intensely and lit the whole stage as the band waved them goodbye, blew them kisses and left.

Once the guys were out, that's when Ella properly turned and gave Bre the biggest hug to say hello.

"I missed you so much!" Ella had said hidden away in her neck, "Today was awful."

Bre let go to check if she was crying or not, she only found Ella's eyes pooling with tears, "I knew I should've gone with you." The model cooed and hugged her back again, "Let's go back down to their trailer and I'll introduce you to everyone."

Ella sniffled and followed Breana, who was keeping her fingers intertwined with hers as everyone walked out and back to the band's trailer.

She expected the lads to be out there already, but they told them that they had gone to be quickly interviewed at the BBC Radio area. So she took the brief moment of tranquility to properly take a moment and meet the girls officially.

Kelly was the one walking towards them so Ella was quick to meet her in the middle and give her a quick hug.

"Hi! It's so nice to finally meet you!" Ella said enthusiastically, and the bride-to-be hugged her back tightly.

They swayed a bit in their place before letting go of each other, Kelly was a little bit tipsy by then and the lads and Bre had been talking about how excited they were for Ella to get there that she was ecstatic to meet her.

"You too Ella!" Kelly agreed and then turned to see the other two ladies coming to them. Kelly waved them over for them to hurry and both of them started giggling as they quickened their pace.

When they caught up to where they stood, Ella smiled brightly at them, "Hi! I'm Ella, so nice to meet you."

She hadn't known exactly if she should hug them or shake their hands but the answer was given to her when the brunette one crushed her in a tight hug which surprised her.

"I'm so glad we can finally meet!" Ella had reciprocated the hug because she truly needed it and it's only when the girl let go that she said, "I'm Flo. Welcome to England, love."

"Oh! Alex's best friend, the artist! I've heard so much about you." Ella replied, looking at the pretty girl smiling even harder in front of her.

"I sure hope so. I've heard loads about you too, it was about time you came so I could properly meet you." Flo winked and it made her blush, she was intrigued by the amount of times Alex would mention her if his best friend had been so eager to have her here.

Ella giggled and then turned to give the blonde girl who, by process of elimination, would be Cookie's girlfriend. "You must be Katie then?"

"That's me. Hi Ella, so nice to meet you." Katie said with a sweet smile and a tender brief hug.

Ella reciprocated and held her with the same tenderness. "You too. Congratulations on the engagement, by the way. Lucky guy Cookie is."

Katie laughed and waved her off but before she could disagree on that, Flo jumped in saying, "Isn't he?"

Ella nodded, already feeling that Alex's best friend would be one she'd grow the closest with. Katie felt the need to say something about her then so he pointed at the things that they knew from the lads.

"We've seen your pictures Ella and, bloody hell, we might need to hire you for some shoots because you leave me astounded."

Ella smiled brightly at that, her cheeks tinting red as she watched them all throwing compliments around. Bre threw one of her arms around Ella's shoulders and said, "Think maybe we should just take a day away from the guys and play with the camera."

All the girls agreed on it and Ella was totally willing to do it. "I'm down if you guys are down, that'd be amazing. I came up with a few concepts on my way here, actually."

"It's settled then. Girls day will be a photoshoot day with Ella." Flo settled raising her cup in the air.

"You tell us Kelly if you want it before or after the wedding just so we don't interrupt with any plans." Ella was quick to say, remembering the big day coming up.

"Let's do it after. We have loads of time before we leave for our honeymoon."

Flo smirked at her, "Oooooo the honeymoon. Big anticipation for that Boss, make sure you're well rested beforehand. I speak from experience."

"Wait, you're married?" Ella asked in slight shock. Alex had failed to mention that big little detail.

Flo showed off her ring wiggling her eyebrows, "Very happily so." And then she turned to look around for her husband, "Where is he? Curly?!"

And as if it was magic, the lanky man with the long hair Ella had seen earlier at the balcony had popped out of nowhere with a cigarette in hand by the trailer.

"Sweetheart?" He asked and if it wasn't for the way they had kept quiet, they wouldn't have been able to hear him.

"Come here a second, say hi to Ella."

And like every one of her wishes was a command, he appeared right behind her with a smile on his face. He dropped the cigarette to the ground and stomped on it as he offered a hand out to Ella and introduced himself, "Nice to meet you, I'm Matty."

Ella gave him a kind smile, holding herself from cooing at the way he held Flo close to him. "Hi Matty, I'm Ella."

The man smirked, "Oh we know, famous Ella. You're quite the talk around here."

Breana laughed, knowing how much of Ella they had all heard and seen through the band, especially in the past week and earlier that very day.

Ella blushed at the information, "Jesus... Good talk, I hope."

Flo smirked looking at her, "Oh very good talk, especially from Alex. He's been like a broken record since he got back."

She had no idea what to say so she just blushed quietly for a few seconds until Breana pinched her waist and she jumped, "That's... good, I guess."

"Indeed it is." Katie added with a subtle smirk and a raise of eyebrows which only had Ella blushing even harder.

"Okay, yous stop it." Kelly said, finding it adorable how she reacted to everyone's teasing. "You're getting her all red, bless her."

"You know what you need?" Matty asked playfully and Ella shook her head as she lacked a response, "A drink."

"Oh yes. You're far behind." Informed Breana who had been drinking almost all day with the girls.

"What would you like?" Flo asked nicely, wanting to get her new friend going as the night had only just started.

Ella had a think about it but just shrugged when she couldn't decide on anything she particularly wanted at the moment, "Surprise me."

Flo smiled hard, "I love you already."

So Flo and Matty left to make her a drink and the other four girls stayed outside whilst they talked. It had been mostly about the wedding, Ella had managed to convince Kelly that it wasn't gonna be an issue for her to take pictures all day so Kelly allowed her to be another one of their photographers but only at the reception. Because "I don't want you feeling like you're at work during the ceremony, you're our friend.", was the reasoning she'd given her and Ella smiled at her and promised she'd only pull her camera out during the reception.

Miles had appeared then, interrupting the wedding chat to crush Ella in a tight hug, "Fucking finally! We've been waiting for you!" The scouse had made her giggle with the scoff he'd let out after that.

"Sorry, had to get a new flight and it was shit." Ella replied with a struggle from how tight he was holding her.

Miles left a wet kiss on her cheek and pulled back, "Don't apologize. You're here now."

Ella nodded with a sweet smile, letting herself indulge in Miles' side hug and starting up a conversation with him and the rest of the group.

About five minutes later, when they were trying to get information out of Breana about Kelly's bachelorette party or hen do—as the british girls called it—Matty and Flo finally came out of the band's trailer with multiple drinks in hand.

They were carefully coming down the stairs managing to grip onto two cups on each hand when behind them someone yelled, "Oi! What were those two doing alone in our trailer?" It was when they continued saying, "You nasty bastards!" that Ella recognized it was Matt walking back with the rest of the band following behind.

"Oh my god!" Ella yelled, letting go of Miles and completely missing whatever Matty had yelled back at them because she was too busy running towards them.

She had her guestlist wristband on so security didn't stop her when she jetted off to hug the first person she saw, which was the drummer.

Matt had barely even seen her when she threw herself at him, "Ellie! You're here!"

"I missed you so much, I'm so sorry I was late." She truly was sorry but he wasn't having it.

Matt held her tighter and shook his head, "No need to apologize Ellie, it's all fine. You're here!"

Before she could apologize once more, the rest of the band joined them in the hug. They all crushed Ella in between their bodies and said her name in unison which had her laughing.

By the time they'd all let go and given her space, she had shed a few tears. She turned around with a pout and hugged them one by one, apologizing again and again for being late, for which Alex had gone and hugged her again when she was done hugging everyone.

Alex held her tight and rubbed up and down her back, "I told you that all that mattered is that you'd be here darling, and you are."

"I caught the encore." She mumbled in his ear, sniffling.

He loosened his grip on her and made her look up at him, "Did you like it?"

"It was insane Al. The crowd was so loud! And the strings!" Ella fanned her face to gather herself, "I will cry just picturing how it was from the very start."

"Don't cry darling." Alex cooed, brushing some of her hair behind her ear and wiping a tear that had fallen down her cheek. "We'll catch a rerun of it on TV next week, it's okay."

She didn't have time to keep protesting because Alex started leaving kisses all over her face until she giggled. It was only when she couldn't breathe from laughter that he stopped, getting a hold of her hand and followed the lads walking back to where everyone was gathered.

When they got there though, Ella was met with someone she didn't know. Thankfully, Alex was quick to introduce them to her.

"Ella, this is Penny, my mum. Penny, this is Ella." He let go of her to let her freely hug his mum.

And that Ella did, holding Penny tighter when she'd said "Oh it's so lovely to meet you, sweetie."

"You too. Happy birthday, by the way. That was a lovely serenade you got just then."

Penny cooed, "Oh thank you. And it was, wasn't it?" She turned to her son to steal a hug from him, "Thanks to this one."

Alex relished in his mum's embrace, leaving a kiss on top of her head. "Love you mum." She saw as she was all ready to walk out, her friend waiting for her beside his manager by the entrance of the backstage area. "Are you leaving?"

"Yeah, so sorry to leave you lot but I can't be camping out anymore. I'm not fit for this lifestyle now." Penny joked, looking at everyone who was watching the interaction intently.

Ella scoffed, acting like Penny was saying just pure lies, "What are you on about? I was gonna take you out dancing to celebrate!"

Alex's mum laughed at that, gently grabbing her hand and giving it a squeeze. "Oh sweetie, that's a tempting offer, that."

Flo joined in Ella's antics, "We'll bring the party up north next week then Penny, get yourself ready."

"That better be a promise." She pointed at the girl she had seen grow up, and Flo blew her a kiss in response.

Alex left Ella with their friends to walk his mom back to her friend, making sure they were all set to leave. And as he went back, he couldn't believe his eyes.

He had been anxiously waiting all day for her to arrive, his heart beating a bit faster the closer it got to their set. He tried blaming it on headlining Glastonbury for a second time but he knew deep inside that really wasn't it. Yes it was making him nervous, but most of all it was because of Ella.

When he had walked on stage, he had anticipated that his thoughts would be fully taken over by the crowd and the place they were at, but he had been wrong—the thought of where Ella was, held a place in the back of his head throughout the whole set.

And when they had been taken to BBC Radio's lounge to get interviewed and saw the mirrorballs hanging from the ceiling, along with the cow print on the floor, he was taken back to Ella.

Ella, Ella, Ella.

He'd been so fucking glad to see her there as they came back. And now, walking back and seeing her laugh with his childhood best friend, it was a sight that had him grinning brightly to himself.

The group seemed to be talking very eagerly about something, and he was just beyond happy that Ella fit perfectly with them all. His smile only faltered when he was getting closer to them and Ella snapped her head in his direction with a deep frown and a gasp.

"Alex Turner, how could you keep this information from me?!" Ella asked loudly, as she had just been embarrassed for not knowing something that seemed like everyone knew.

Alex giggled, frowning back at her, "What?"

"You've never told me that your best friend's husband is in a band as well?" Matty had just said he was excited for the next day and Ella had asked what was happening, which Flo had laughed hard about when she realized Alex had failed to mention it to her.

"Oh," he cringed, "Sorry darling." He apologized to Ella first and then turned to Matty to make sure he hadn't taken offense by it, which he hadn't but just in case Alex said, "Sorry mate."

"S'alright." Matty waved off with an amused smile at Ella's bright red cheeks.

But Ella didn't agree, "Yeah, it's not for me but whatever."

Alex laughed, noting that she had a drink in hand and he guessed that would have to do a little bit with her current mood. "What are you drinking Eleanor?"

"It's called 'none of your business', isn't it Flo?" Ella asked the brunette seriously.

Flo tried to match her seriousness but her smile couldn't be held back, "That's right."

Alex took the drink from her, only to take a sip and when he did he realized what it was. "Angel, you gave her a jagerbomb? She can't handle alcohol, she's gonna be plastered by half past."

"Well, I'll blame this beautiful angel right here." Ella nodded towards his best friend, playing with the word he had just called her, and Flo did a small curtsy back at her.

Alex hadn't expected this duo to be such trouble. He feared them and Bre together would be even worse and he didn't know what to expect.

"Of course you will." Alex shook his head with a smile, and Flo winked at him. She knew him like the back of her hand, and she could just see it all written on Alex's face. He was whipped.

It had been a lovely night, slowly and with the help of the drinks, the buzz the lads had gotten from the night had gone down and by three in the morning, they were all ready to go to sleep. Especially Ella, who despite having multiple jagerbombs with Flo, had succumbed to her exhaustion from her long day traveling.

The lads had their tour bus parked somewhere in the fields, so after the group said bye to Matty and Flo who were staying with the rest of their group, they took on a long drunk walk back to the bus. It had been filled with giggles at the clumsy steps they'd take, especially Ella and Bre's who were holding onto Miles' arms and subsequently making him trip with them.

The walk back had been exhaustingly long to them all in their drunken states, so when they finally reached the massive vehicle, they jetted off up the stairs by the door and chose the first bunk they saw.

Thankfully no one had chosen their bunks yet so there wasn't any bickering about someone stealing someone else's bed but it was hilarious to Alex, who had been the last to go up, to see everyone lazily slump into the beds and groan in relief when they could finally rest their bodies.

Due to how drunk everyone was, they had passed out almost immediately and slept deep and uninterrupted all throughout the night, even through the choir of snores coming from Nick and Matt.

That was until the noise outside woke them up at around eleven and they all realized that if they didn't properly wake up soon and get ready for the day, they'd miss Matty's band.

So, like they had been shocked back alive, the girls started getting ready quickly. Ella was so thankful for the bathroom in the bus being a decent size and it hadn't been much of a burden getting ready in the enclosed space.

She was also grateful for the girls around her, who were going on and on about all that Ella was going to see and what she couldn't miss, warning her about different things around the field but making her more excited about it all by the second.

They all had a bite of food on their way to the stage The 1975 would perform on, and they got there just in time. Matty's band was due on stage in ten minutes, when the group walked up to where Matty and Flo were standing by the steps that would take them up the stage.

Ella was well aware she stood up like a sore thumb from how she was dressed, not that her black shorts and her The Doors shirt were strange but her black and silver cowboy boots were. She had earned herself quite a lot of glances as they paraded around the place, but she couldn't care less.

Matty pointed them out right away but with a compliment because he truly loved them, "Fucking love your boots Ella."

"Awh thanks Matty." She looked down at them, already muddy and dusty but she loved it, it reminded her of home.

His wife had taken the chance to tease him then, "Be careful, he might try to steal them. He's taken half my wardrobe."

Matty bit back saying, "We're married so what's yours is mine. Technically not stealing."

A very tall guy with a man bun walked behind Flo and clicked his tongue as he threw an arm around her shoulders, "He got you there baby."

"George, you're supposed to be on my side always." Flo complained, but leaned into George's touch.

"For that you've got your cousin." The tall guy argued with a smirk, which made Flo elbow him on the ribs.

Matty cackled watching George doubled over in pain and Flo took that moment to turn around and call over the two other members of the band to meet Ella.

Another very tall guy with a buzzcut came their way, along with a slightly shorter brunette, and when they stood beside her with soft smiles, Flo introduced them to Ella.

"Ella, this is George," She pointed to the tallest one who had just been hurt in the ribs, "This is Ross." She then signaled to the one with the buzzcut and finished by pointing at the brunette, "And this is my cousin, Adam."

Ella smiled at them, "Nice to meet y'all."

They all reciprocated the pleasantry with smiles of their own and they started small talk until they were called on stage.

The big Monkeys group stood on the side of the stage, watching The 1975 get cheered on as they grabbed their instruments.

As they played their first three songs, Ella made a mental note to listen to their music when she had the time because they were amazing live and they had this sound that she wasn't really used to listening but she'd just loved. They all had great stage presence, just by enjoying performing and dancing around, and it was funny to hear all the things Matty would just say in between lines.

Their little group had all cheered along with the crowd by the end of 'You' when Matty jumped on George's drumset and played the end of the song headbanging as he looked down towards George.

They all looked amazing on stage, and when the next song started and the crowd got even louder, they fed more off of their energy and somehow got even more hyper.

Ella was particularly entranced by George, seeing every single one of his facial expressions as he hit the drums had her just gawking at him.

She had leaned back a bit knowing that was the only way Flo and Bre would hear her say, "He's fucking hot." as she pointed at the drummer.

Alex's best friend laughed loudly at that, making Matt and Alex turn around to see what had happened and when she informed them of what Ella had just said, Matt joined the laughter while Alex only rolled his eyes in amusement.

"You fancy George then?" Matt asked loudly over the speakers.

"I mean look at him!" Ella had said, he truly looked amazing, "Oh, and Ross! Flo, even your cousin looks hot right now!"

"I'm glad we share opinions when it comes to George." Flo winked at her, "I'll make sure to relay the message."

Ella blushed just thinking about it and shook her head, mortified, "Oh god, no, don't."

"But you need a rebound!" Matt fought and Bre nodded intently.

"No, that'd be so messy!" Ella shook her head just thinking about how she wouldn't be able to act normal if she actually made a move on one of Flo's friends.

"That'd be messy alright. The nice kind of messy." Flo said and that just made Ella double over in laughter.

They kept listening to the rest of the song after that, and Ella was sure she'd have the chorus stuck in her head forever. 'Chocolate' was a hit, no wonder it had been their breakthrough.

She pouted when Matty said the next one will be their last, leaving her to wish to see a longer set of theirs in the future.

The strong riff of the guitar had her already hooked but it was the lyrics to it that made her slowly become obsessed with it.

When Matty turned around to point at Flo as he sang "She's got a boyfriend anyway", Ella gasped realizing this was about her. She screeched then when Matty turned back around to face the crowd and the lyrics got more interesting.

She couldn't help but become entranced by how proud Flo looked of Matty, it was so sweet to see the way she wholeheartedly sang along, her smile never leaving her face.

The end of the song was just heavy and perfect, made it erratic and Ella was absolutely loving it. Especially when the last line Matty sang was changed to "You've got a husband anyway" as he pointed at himself while looking straight at his wife.

Flo blew him a kiss and Matty turned around to play the outro of the song with all the energy he had, it was captivating. Ella was taken aback when it hit her that she was now friends with all these incredible musicians, it was truly a dream that had her pinching herself.

When the guys came off stage, it was pure adrenaline they were running on. Matty didn't take a second to kiss his wife earnestly, and Ella could almost cry from how adorable they were.

The rest of the day had been spent with them all running around the festival, sharing drinks as they tried to catch up to artists in different stages, bumping into friends like Zackery who had taken a few pictures of them—and introduced the band to a group of artists who had designed and hand painted a leather jacket for them at their request for a song in the upcoming album.

Ella had been loving how different yet similar the festival was when comparing it to Bonnaroo. The messy muddy fields, the loud chatter and laughter, the smell of good food in the air mixed with the good weed. She was on cloud nine and she didn't want to leave.

That night they watched The Rolling Stones and it had been absolutely insane seeing Mick Jagger on stage. She was sure she'd lose her voice from how loud she screamed when Mick Taylor was invited on stage and when they performed '2000 Light Years From Home'. She was sure she'd never be able to listen to The Rolling Stones the same ever again.

Sunday hadn't been any different. They had enjoyed every bit of the festival like it was the last they'd ever attend.

Ella had been so grateful to have experienced all of it, and she had made sure to tell Alex that multiple times. The group was so glad they had the massive bus to drive them back home and they needn't worry about a thing through the whole drive but be completely comfortable and enjoy the peace after the bustling weekend. It had ended up being almost three hours due to the traffic, but that had allowed them to rest longer so they didn't complain.

She'd asked to be dropped off at the hotel she was staying at and Alex had offered to go with her and then walk home as she wasn't staying too far away from his flat, but she declined because she knew he was exhausted and so was she so she walked in alone at four in the morning to check in.

It was amazing that it hadn't been a struggle to get checked in, she had been expecting something going wrong with that too after all that had happened at the airports when she was on her way there but it hadn't been, so with her keys in hand she made her merry way up to the fifth floor and to her room.

The little energy Ella had left in her was put into taking a shower, brushing her teeth and just plopping onto bed. The weekend had felt longer than just three days, it felt like it had already been a week since she'd had to run around Montreal's airport like a madwoman looking for a new ticket.

She sighed happily as she snuggled into the plush pillows in the dark, her eyes closed but behind her eyelids was the whole weekend playing like a film and she found herself filling up with warmth. She couldn't wait to see what else this trip would have in store for her, she only hoped it was all good.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

The greatness of the London Eye had Ella trying to gather herself in search of words. She had been struggling to truly believe where she was since she woke up to a view she wasn't used to, gloomy and no sun out, the sky teasing a rainfall later, a little chilly when she went out the balcony for a smoke and the bustling of a city she was yet to get to know.

Alex had called her—thankfully they had figured out the whole cell roaming situation during the weekend so she wasn't uncommunicated and alone—, telling her to get ready as he was coming to get her and they'd be walking around London so she could get her proper touristy stroll around the city.

She had personally asked him for one at Glastonbury, when they were eating as they walked between stages, and he had gladly agreed to it. He wanted to be the one to witness her reactions to one of the cities he held so close to his heart.

Ella's steps slowed as they got closer to the attraction, people already in a long line at eleven in the morning.

"Holy fuck, it's huge." She gasped, staring all around the giant metal structure.

Alex just watched her mesmerized expression with a smile, "D'you wanna get on it?"

"Erm, not really. But I might as well have to, right?" She was looking at the very top of it which was barely in her line of sight but she would have to bear it because why would she come all the way there to not get on it.

"Flying all the way here to not get on it would be regrettable." He said honestly, it looked scary but it was a great experience, one that he didn't want her to miss.

Ella sighed, her brows a little furrowed as she gathered some courage, "Alright let's go."

They quietly walked to the end of the line, which had resumed moving slowly, and Ella felt her heart racing in her chest. Not only because of how she was shitting it thinking about how high she'd be once inside but from the memories coming aggressively to the forefront of her mind.

Valentine's day, Belmont Park. With Alex beside her, just like at that very moment.

She smiled to herself, the thought of that day no longer bitter by any grudges she was holding. So she thought mentioning it might distract her and keep her from shaking. "At least it's a shorter wait than the one we did at Belmont Park, remember?"

Alex gave her a sweet smile, really enjoying the opportunity to think back to that day but he also wanted to take the moment to tease her as she was fidgeting in her place. "Still afraid of heights, darling?"

"Yes but don't remind me, or I'll make you take me to the next place to not get on." Ella smiled slightly embarrassed, her cheeks tinting a faint pink.

"You silly thing." Alex laughed breathlessly, reaching out to grab her wrist and pull her into his side to hug her, "Just think about all the stunning pictures you're gonna be able to take."

She melted into him, looking up and grinned brightly at him, "You just always know how to get me on your side, don't you?" It really did seem like it to her, how fast he could make her twist her arm into stepping out of her comfort zone so she'd enjoy herself.

He just stared down at her adoringly, counting every freckle on her cheeks and admiring how the makeup she had on just accentuated every little thing on her face. So he said sincerely, "I'm glad I do." because he was truly grateful he could.

About ten minutes passed, silence between them was comfortable but sometimes broken by small talk about random things they'd remember or things she was hoping to see and the possibilities of places they could visit.

They had stayed holding each other the whole time: Alex's arm around her shoulders, his fingers clutching her tightly, and Ella's arm around his waist, her thumb rubbing little circles over the fabric of his shirt.

That was until she had remembered about Alex and who he was and she had started overthinking and noticing more and more the glances the people in line were giving them, so she gently pushed herself away from him and he had to slowly let his arm drop from its place around her.

Alex gave her a questioning look and Ella recoiled into herself as she gave him an answer, "I just keep thinking people are looking at us– well, you. And I don't wanna get you in trouble."

"What do you mean?" The singer frowned, not really understanding in which way she'd do that.

"Well, I just feel like they keep glancing over here and I don't want you to get swarmed for being recognized." Her voice was small as she explained, scared of sounding stupid but in her head, it made sense.

He chuckled softly, brushing off his status. "Darling, I'm not that big of a deal."

But Ella wouldn't let him try to downplay it, "Sure you aren't Mr. Rockstar." She rolled her eyes with amusement, "This is your home country, and you're massive here."

Alex just shook his head to have her let go of her worries, "Not gonna get swarmed, darling." And then he further explained, "You know most—if not all—known people that do, is because they get their agents to put out their locations for paparazzi and media's attention right?"

"Oh?" Ella blushed, feeling oh so stupid, "Do they really?"

"Yeah, and it's bullshit. You'll never find me doing that so don't worry. We're safe." He assured, tucking her into his side once more and he smiled when he felt her arm snaking around his middle once again.

"It's just because you love the mysterious act, though, isn't it? Maintains the appeal." She pinched his waist to accentuate the teasing, making him laugh.

"Dickhead."

They laughed together then, falling back into a comfortable silence, just relishing in the warmth they got from each other. It wasn't awfully cold but it was chilly and it was how used she'd gotten to Californian weather that had her performing worse in weather that she used to be able to bear when she lived in Tennessee.

Alex kept her warm and cozy so Ella found herself really snuggling into him and he accepted it with a smirk on his face. Moments like this was all he wanted.

The minutes passed and Ella couldn't help but be hypnotized by the whole scene, especially when they moved further and further up the line until they ended up in a corner where they had the perfect backdrop of the Thames and the city of London.

He felt her get away from his hold again but when she saw her reaching down to grab the camera hanging from around her neck, he breathed calmly.

"Stay there, I wanna take a picture." She instructed, seeing that his position was perfect for a picture.

"Here?" Alex asked, not sure if she really wanted a picture of him right there and then.

But Ella showed him the prettiest smile and said, "Yep, just like that." and Alex couldn't say no, not that he'd really ever tell her no. "Smile for me, sweets." The pet name rolled off her tongue so easily when seeing him standing like that in front of her.

"Sweets?" A massive grin broke out on his face hearing her call him that, his insides melting at the simple word.

Ella pressed the shutter instantly, exhaling in relief at having caught that face in time. "Perfect."

"Sweets?" Alex asked again just to check he hadn't imagined that.

"Yeah..." She timidly confirmed, rolling the film and tucking the lever back in its place to turn off the camera and let it softly drop back over her chest.

He watched her take small steps towards him again and accepted her back in his arms with a "M'kay darling."

Ella poked his ribs making him jump before asking "You don't like it?"

Alex was quick to retort, "Who said that?"

"I don't know–" She tried to start but he was quick to dismiss the whole thing.

"I love it." He backtracked quickly and firmly with an honest smile on his face that had her biting her tongue and fighting back a smile just as big as his.

In no time, the line moved sporadically and it was sooner than expected that they were boarded into a capsule with a family of five.

Ella stepped inside with wobbly steps and Alex followed closely behind. "Oh my god..." Her words were breathless as she was taken aback by the view around her.

"That line was quicker than I expected." The singer thought out loud as he got beside her, both of them standing close to the windows.

But when she heard the glass doors closing and felt the capsule moving to the right, she took a big step back and reached back to hold his hand. "Al, you're gonna have to stay near me because this is freaking me out."

He squeezed her hand in his and giggled, "I'll stay right here."

"Okay..." Ella mumbled unsure but soon her whole attention was taken by how perfectly she could see it all in front of her. "This is so beautiful."

Alex could feel her hands growing sweaty and starting to shake so he took it upon himself to distract her. "You can see it all from here. Look," He pointed to their left, "That's Westminster bridge, the Big Ben, Westminster Abbey and Parliament." He listed as his finger pointed at each of the landmarks, making sure she was correctly watching each as he talked, "We can see it a bit better now that it's going up, oh and there's Buckingham Palace as well."

It looked so small from there but it was still breathtaking, "Oh wow..." Her heart was swelling in her chest now, just from being able to experience this, "We can see the whole city, Al!" She whispered with such excitement that made Alex want to coo at her.

"It's quite the view, isn't it." He took the smallest step towards her until he was pressed softly against her back and he leaned in to watch her face.

She turned to him completely mesmerized, "I think New York has got some big competition in my book now."

"A tough one between them two." He agreed, resting his chin on her shoulder for a second before standing back up straight again and pointing to their right now, "Oh look, over there is St. Paul's Cathedral. We're going there later 'cause I know you'll love it. And way back over there is the Tower of London and Tower Bridge."

Her eyes swam around the panoramic view and it was all well until she made the mistake of looking down to her feet and her heart sank. With her eyes closed, her panicked words came out incredibly fast, "I'm loving this view but I just accidentally looked down and I feel like I'm gonna have a panic attack."

"You're okay darling, I'm here." Alex promised, taking his hand that was still intertwined with hers and wrapping that arm around her waist, "Just take your pictures, I won't move an inch."

She gulped and let her eyes open up again, feeling slightly better in his hold and slowly untangled her fingers from his to lift her camera, "Okay."

It certainly worked like magic. The second she started looking at the city through that viewfinder, it was like she had completely forgotten she was hundreds of feet above the ground in a spinning wheel, completely focused on capturing the panorama as best as she could.

Alex watched intently as she worked, noticing the little things she did like biting her lip as her finger hovered and seemed to hesitate for a few seconds over the shutter until she caught the perfect moment and it was just a triumphant smile as she turned the lever and then the cycle began again.

Ella counted the shots in her head and only stopped when she had only twelve frames left in the roll.

Letting her head fall on Alex's shoulder, she had to ask, "How long does this take again?" Only because she had felt like she'd lost track of time.

"Half an hour but it's already been fifteen minutes so we're halfway there." His fingers rubbed circles on her waist, sometimes the pads of his fingertips managing to get under her shirt and erupting goosebumps on her skin.

She felt like she was burning up so she let her camera drop back down on her chest and turned around to face him. "I'm just gonna stare at you now because if I look out I'm definitely gonna freak out." She giggled a bit, trying to trick herself into thinking that looking at Alex wouldn't have her chest tighten just as much.

"That's fine by me." He replied with a smirk.

But she didn't entertain his teasing, only giving him a sincere, "Thank you." in return.

His face fell into a sweet smile, "Nothing to thank me for, darling. I'm buzzing to have you here right now." He wasn't afraid to admit it at all, because he truly was beyond happy about the whole situation.

"See? Sweetness!" She softly exclaimed, bringing one of her hands up to cup his cheek but before Alex could get his hopes up on anything happening, she squished his cheeks with her hand, "You're just pure sweetness."

Ella felt his face go warm under her touch so with a giggle she let her hand fall back down. "Your hair looks great today." He looked great. In a pair of blue jeans, a white shirt and his brown leather jacket—he had changed the Chelsea boots for white high top converse and a pair of sunglasses had been tucked into one of the pockets of his jacket.

"You like it?" Alex asked innocently like the simple compliment hadn't made his heart rate stutter.

She nodded, "You know I do. It always looks amazing but whenever it's just like this, without gel..." Her fingers combed through the freshly cut greaser looking hairstyle, "It's so soft."

He nudged her hand with his nose softly and joked, "Are you messing it up?"

She chuckled, combing through it again and again to give it its perfect shape, "I'm fixing a few strands here." She used both her hands then to bring a few of the strands to fall on his forehead like she loved. "There you go."

He raised an eyebrow at her, "Look good?"

Ella's answer was quick, "Beautiful." And she didn't waste a beat to ask, "Can I have another picture?"

"Of me?" Alex asked naively and she just hummed, so he shrugged and nodded, "I suppose."

"I wanna have one of this very moment. With you, my favorite tourist guide." She joked in the end to make it seem less like she was baring her heart out to him.

"Right." He chuckled, his eyes crinkling around the edges slightly.

But she wanted more, she wanted to see his grin fully reach his eyes. "C'mon sweets, show me that gorgeous smile."

Her teasing worked because he felt his cheeks warming again and he had to keep himself from averting his gaze from hers, "Stop." He only said, half a warning but mostly a plea for mercy on his heart.

"What?" Ella inquired like she had nothing to do with it, if she only knew all that she did to him. "Amazing, t'was perfect." She complimented once more.

Alex had to change the topic then because he felt like he could combust any second, "Are you taking them in black and white?"

She had mentioned it earlier when he'd called her, as she was debating whether or not it'd look better. "Decided against it last minute. I don't know, there's something about the atmosphere today that I just wanted to capture the closest to reality I could."

He hummed, understanding what she meant, "You can always take the black and white ones later, you're staying three weeks after all."

Ella smiled brightly at the reminder, that many days just sounded so promising and she couldn't ignore how this was one of the very few times she felt ecstatic thinking about the uncertainty of what the future had to hold.

"So glad I am. It's barely been three days and I already know this is one of the best trips of my life."

"It's only just getting started darling." Alex winked, making a giggle bubble up her throat again and what a lovely sound that was.

Just like that, they had done the full ride and they hadn't realized it was done until they heard the doors open back up, way too entranced in their own little bubble. It was lucky that the rest of the people inside their capsule were on holiday and no one from the family had interest in finding out who they were or interrupting what they were doing.

When they walked out, Alex let out a loud laugh when Ella thanked God for firm soil multiple times, said so devotedly like she wasn't a determined atheist.

From there, they walked through Westminster Bridge to get to Big Ben. Ella had gasped as their feet took them across the bridge and asked Alex to pinch her because she felt like she was dreaming.

She couldn't believe her eyes were actually seeing all of that for themselves in real life and not through stock pictures on Google.

Seeing her glowing from her excitement had Alex's heart breaking as he had to give her some bad news. "This actually has me fuming now because this is just one of those things everyone wants to see once in their life but, a few years back they closed all Big Ben and Parliament tours to people who aren't UK citizens or residents so unfortunately I won't be able to take you inside for a tour."

Ella clearly deflated but it was in an instant that she really turned the situation around in her head. She shook her head standing in her place, making Alex stop beside her on the sidewalk, and she pointed at the landmark right in front of them, "But I'm seeing it right now and that's what counts, Al. It's okay."

Alex hummed reluctantly, still disappointed at not being able to give her the best experience. "We can walk around it, I'm half sure there's some places you can manage to take a peek inside."

She giggled and grabbed his hand, fingers intertwining as she went ahead and dragged him behind her to finish their walk through the bridge. Alex didn't say a word, his smile permanently stuck on his face as he watched her walk enthusiastically in front of him.

She had changed her roll of film right when they got to the street across the monumental place. Alex chuckled as she made him help her by covering her device with his jacket so that her first roll didn't mess up as she put it away, and the new one didn't either as she locked it and rolled it inside before placing the lid back in its place.

They resumed their walk, Alex closely walking next to her with a hand hovering on her lower back as she kept her hands engulfed around her camera but he felt the need to keep his touch on her.

Ella had taken so many pictures already, and about fifteen minutes later she had grown worried she hadn't stuffed enough rolls in her bag before leaving her hotel room. Half the frames she had captured had been of him, either smiling at the camera or unaware as he walked beside her with a burning cigarette resting between his lips.

There was a particular one in which she had stopped without saying a word and he had kept walking a few paces before noticing she wasn't beside him anymore, and when he turned around to search for her, the shutter went off.

Her heart kicked in her chest at the memory of that one picture she had taken of him, back at the start of 2012 when the lads had just come back over to Los Angeles and she had taken them around the city, the one where he was looking back at her with the rest of the band walking in front of him.

Her throat ran a little dry as she placed her camera back down to rest on her chest and watched Alex walk back towards her.

"You've been taking so many pictures of me already, let me take yours." His voice sounded almost like a beg and her knees went a little weak.

Only because of the way he'd said that had made her feel, Ella sighed with a smile and pulled her camera back up, "Alright, I'll show you how to."

She showed him the basics around her in a simple manner and he seemed to catch it all quite quickly. After all, he had seen Matt taking pictures and had gotten ahold of the drummer's cameras throughout the years so it all came back to him when Ella had done her brief run down.

Alex listened to her instructions of having him take a few pictures of their surroundings just so he could get comfortable, and it only took two to have him nodding and reassuring he was ready to take her picture. Ella nodded with a shy smile and took two steps back to stand in front of the camera.

Truth be told, Ella had always preferred being behind the camera and not in front of the lens but it was just because she never thought she was interesting enough to be the constant subject of pictures.

Alex couldn't think of her more differently. Seeing her with a bright smile that had her eyes closing, her hands intertwined in front of her as she softly leaned her head to the side and her hair so perfectly falling over her shoulders had him thinking about how if she looked this breathtaking in front of the camera in such a normal setting, then she needed to be in front of it at all times.

That's why right after the shutter sound went off and she relaxed again, he rolled the film and took another picture without warning her.

That made her shriek and hide behind her hands, "Alex no! It's gonna look so bad!" Ella's words were muffled as her hands covered her face.

"I'm looking through the viewfinder and you look stunning, darling." He was quick to reassure her, "Now could you please drop your hands? I want to take another one." His skilled fingers rolled the film once more as he tried his best to convince her with his eyes.

That unfair look in his eyes made it so impossible to resist anything he could ever suggest. "Last one?" She made sure to ask him before giving in.

"Fine, last one." He agreed with a sigh, his stomach doing somersaults at having gotten away with it.

She slowly let her hands fall back by her sides and it wasn't until he said, "That's it. Beautiful, darling." that he took the picture as her face broke in another massive grin that made his heart skip a beat.

Ella ignored the way her tummy was fluttering as she reached out for her camera, "Alright sweets, that's enough." She wasted no time to push the lever back in its place and hook the camera strap around her neck again, the camera falling to rest on top of her chest.

"Only for now." He countered smoothly, making her scoff out a laugh.

After that they continued walking, leaving Big Ben and Parliament behind to make way to Westminster Abbey.

The massive church was breathtaking. Its structure was gothic architecture perfection inside and out, which accompanied by the stunning gardens and sculptures just made Ella be more in awe.

The gray sky tied everything together, the birds flying around and resting in the old walls and peaks, the tinted windows looking straight out of a painting.

Ella spent a full roll there, small gasps leaving her mouth every corner they turned. She had even been so entranced by the devotees kneeling on the seats and offering their prayers, unbothered by the rest of the people walking around them. Religion was a concept that fascinated her because of how much she just didn't get it like those people praying did.

Once out of that place, they walked to Buckingham Palace and it was a funny stroll since Ella couldn't stop bouncing on her feet like a little girl, asking loads of questions she could come up with about the Royal Family.

"You know," She started with a small smirk on her face, "Prince Harry is fit."

Alex cackled at the way she said it, listening to her try and incorporate British slang in her vocabulary had been endearing all weekend and he was glad she wasn't stopping it. "Oh really?"

Ella hummed eagerly, "I wonder if he'd give an American a chance."

"So you're aiming for the Royals now?" The singer inquired rhetorically with a cheeky smile.

She shrugged, smirking back at him, "Why not?"

Alex chuckled, "That's ambitious."

"Well I like to think of myself as an ambitious person."

With a nudge to her hip, he grabbed a hold of her hand so they could walk a little faster, "Alright Miss Ambitious, we're almost at your lover's place."

From afar Ella could see the palace behind the trees and she thought about the different instances a person could be allowed into the place. "I'm sure we could get in if you just said you're from the biggest British band in history."

"The Beatles are way older than me and half of them are dead so I don't think they'll believe me."

Ella snorted at how nonchalantly he'd just said that and turned her head to look at him as they kept on walking, "Oh you're being humble now."

Alex scoffed playfully, like her words had offended him, "When am I not?"

"I can list some instances." She shrugged again with a teasing smirk on her face.

His eyes narrowed at her as if challenging her to start talking, "Enlighten me then."

But all Alex was met with was silence as they finally got to the big black and gold arches and crossing the road from there was the monumental place standing there in all its glory. The Victoria Memorial was even bigger and more spectacular than she'd seen in pictures, the gold against the gloomy sky and the greenery around was leaving her breathless.

So Ella dropped Alex's hand and started snapping away, frame after frame until they walked closer to the gates of Buckingham Palace and she caught a glimpse of the beefeaters standing there like they were frozen in time and just that got her even more excited about it all.

"They look like little dolls! Oh my god, look at them!" She waved them hello so enthusiastically making Alex hold giggles back and when the guards just stood there without moving a single inch, she turned back to pout at Alex.

The shaking of his head and the "You're so painfully American," he gave her contrasted immensely against his growing smile.

"Hey!" Ella gasped and poked him in the ribs, "Don't call me out like that, I was blending in perfectly well." She joked but she was well aware she hadn't been.

"Yeah, sorry. You were, darling." Alex corrected, faking agreeing with her, "Everyone's a tourist here, so yes you were blending in perfectly well." He changed his words to tease her further and the way her jaw dropped a bit and she frowned at him made him laugh.

They were there for about twenty minutes, walking slowly and taking their time so Ella could capture the moment the best she could. She had taken a few of Alex when he wasn't noticing but at the third one she'd gotten caught, meaning she got pictures taken of her by Alex.

As they waited for some people to move around so they could get a better view from a different angle, they were playing a game that had started with Ella making funny guesses about members of the Royal Family and their hobbies, which had earned her multiple laughs from Alex as she really had no clue about anything to do with the Royals.

Eventually, when the place started getting more crowded, they decided to move onto the next place which Alex had said would be Piccadilly Circus so they could get some lunch and then continue on.

Trafalgar Square had been captured in multiple of her frames and she had finished her film roll as they walked up to the restaurant they were going to eat at. Once again Alex had helped her change her roll covering her camera with his jacket, giggling as she struggled to properly roll it as she couldn't see well what she was doing in the darkness they were making for the film to not get fucked.

Once Ella had managed to set everything up, Alex had asked her if he could have the camera for a bit and of course she said yes. The prospect of getting Alex into one of her passions had her smiling as he took pictures of a place he already knew so well and since she knew he was capturing the views for her, she took her own time to take everything in: the streets, the people, the chatter going on around her, the restlessness of the city, the smell of smoke and coffee every time they walked past a coffee shop, the memories in the making around her that she'd never get to know.

She loved it all.

Ella was so entranced by the scene and completely caught up by her thoughts that she'd missed the multiple times Alex had managed to sneak a picture of her. Only really catching him smiling proudly at her as he lowered the camera from his eyes when she had turned to point at a girl who was wearing an Arctic Monkeys shirt as she smoked outside a restaurant.

Alex chuckled, letting the camera hang around his neck and getting a hold of Ella's hand to then keep walking to the place that was not very far away from where they were then.

When they got there, Ella had been surprised by the fact that Alex had gotten a reservation for them and he had almost perfectly timed it all. They only showed up ten minutes early to their table and it wasn't a fuzz for them to wait.

He offered her a cigarette and, between chatter, they waited for their turn to come up. It had been relatively easy as they finally talked about the adventure it had been for Ella to fly over and it had ended with them hugging as Ella got a bit upset again over not being able to see their full set.

With a promise to find out when they'd be replaying their set on BBC, they went back to get seated as it finally had turned into the time they had the reservation for.

They didn't rush through their meal, enjoying every minute they could get in the lovely restaurant and talking about absolutely anything that came to their minds. And after a pouty Ella—since he hadn't let her pay for the meal—had let Alex take a picture of her with the English streets in the background, they had left the place to resume their stroll.

Their pace was slower then, Alex had suggested taking a cab to get to the next place so she didn't have to walk that much but Ella declined it saying it was alright plus she loved how they could just simply walk places around the city unlike in Los Angeles. It was only when they got to Covent Garden and walked past the underground station that she asked why they hadn't used it yet.

"This one has 193 steps to go up and down it. I was being kind not taking you through it to get here but we can take it to get to St. Paul's if you'd like."

Ella had gasped at the information, because who the fuck in their right minds would make a station have that many stairs. "193?!" She asked again and Alex nodded amused at her disbelief, "Why?"

He chuckled and shrugged, "Been asking the same question for far too many years."

"That's insane." She said under her breath as they continued walking, then remembering his suggestion, "And no, let's not do that. Can we take the bus? I've yet to get on one and I really want to be the cliché American being amazed on every type of your public transportation."

Alex's laughter reached her ears, making her grin brightly at him. "Of course we can." He assured her and Ella scrunched her nose at him for being adorable, but then he continued, "And you're being the best cliché American. Really off the charts performance, darling." making her roll her eyes in amusement.

Between teasing comments, giggles and playful nudges, it didn't take them long to get to the Apple Market and there Ella was instantly blown away by the amount of shops and market-type kiosks of trinkets, hand-made jewelry, souvenirs and art.

They took their time walking around, really ignoring the retail shops because Ella was far more interested in taking her time to look around the little stands in the middle of the place, and it was all so beautiful.

The variety of goods that were offered out for everyone was amazing, and she gasped when they made it to a stand that was offering analog cameras, leather and handmade camera straps, camera cases and lenses.

She had thought about getting one of the few medium format cameras that were there but decided against it after a good few minutes of internal debate. Alex had watched her amused the whole time and giggled when she went from staring between a Halina, a Rolleiflex and a Pentax to getting one of the leather camera cases along with a strap and bought it.

It was bad how indecisive she was because she had spent so much time in the first few shops that she felt the need to rush through her indecision which ended in her buying at least one thing from every shop she had purposely stopped by.

There was a little red bus in her bag, along with a few magnets, her new camera case and strap, a locket, a few pins, a set of coasters and the last kiosk they were looking at was full of rings, necklaces and more handmade jewelry.

Ella easily fell into conversation with the lovely old man who was the owner of the little store. She had complimented him after he told her it was him who made every piece by hand, and she took her time to look intently through it all.

A few minutes passed of her taking a closer look at the different accessories but since she couldn't make a proper choice, she turned to Alex for help.

With her lips pressed she grabbed his wrist to pull him closer and in a bit of panic, she looked up to him and asked, "Could you choose for me please?"

Alex bit his bottom lip not to chuckle at the soft frown on her face and nodded, "Anything in particular, darling?"

Ella looked back at the table, giving it a quick sweep and she found her attention mostly on the hand jewelry. "Maybe a ring?" She tried saying but it sounded more like a question, "They're all stunning." She added then in a quiet whine like it hurt her that everything was too pretty and she couldn't choose.

The singer hummed and stepped closer to the table under the gaze of the old man who had a small smile on his face seeing them two together. Alex took less than a minute, his decision being made when he found one which had a pretty green stone in the middle of the gold band of the ring. "This one." He grabbed it and it seemed to be just the right size, so grabbing her right hand in his, he slipped it on her ring finger. The sight of her Pure Desire tattoo sparking too many thoughts in his mind that he had to push aside.

Ella was breathless seeing him putting the ring on her but she fully felt like she had forgotten how to breathe when he added, "Matches your eyes." with the sweetest smile.

Her eyes didn't move from his for a few seconds that felt eternal to them, dropping to the ring and then back up at Alex to ask, "Does it?"

"Yes," He nodded, completely satisfied with his choice, "Stunning." He complimented, but he wasn't speaking about the piece of jewelry because his gaze was firm on Ella's gorgeous eyes.

She scrunched her nose at him, he was just too cute for her to handle so with rosy cheeks she turned back to the man in charge of the kiosk and deemed that being the last purchase of the day. The lovely man was smiling brightly at them and agreed with Alex when he noticed Ella's hazel green eyes.

Alex had puffed his chest out in pride of it, saying a smug "I know" to the old man and making Ella laugh as she paid. He practically had the color of her eyes permanently imprinted in his mind, he didn't ever have to think hard to remember them and how it felt to get lost in her eyes.

She left the old man with a long hug and Alex gave him a hand shake before the two moved onto the next stop which would be St. Paul's Cathedral. And just like Alex had promised her they would do, they took a bus to the church.

It had been hilarious capturing her smile with her camera as one of the red busses approached them and he had been hearing and seeing her little giddy noises and how she just couldn't really stay still in her seat.

The cathedral had been breathtaking and, again, Ella had snapped away multiple pictures as they walked around. She had been fairly wary of the lots of people worshiping their religious figures then so she tried not to take too many so the shutter going off wouldn't interrupt them.

When they left to go to the next place, they ticked off another thing off Ella's list as they rode the underground to go over to the Tower of London. The only thing she had been overly excited about was the way the stations looked because then being in the tube felt just like taking the train in New York, only cleaner.

Alex had managed to get a picture of her standing there waiting for their train to arrive, and he hoped the frame had captured the big grin that tugged at the corner of her lips making her eyes crinkle at the edges before she had hid her face behind her hands.

The Tower of London had been quite informative, at first she had walked in completely amazed by the structure and architecture of the castle so she was taking picture after picture of the inside and the greenery of the courtyards but then they started walking into the exhibitions and she had forgotten about her camera to read the signs around the rooms.

Going to see the crown jewels had been hilarious to Alex since Ella had been trying so hard to keep her cool as there were beefeaters guarding the exhibition. The White Tower had been rather concerning because of the torture chamber that was located there, and the Green Tower had been as well as it was where the execution memorial was held. And the last bit of the place they had visited was the Bloody Tower which had left Ella gasping as they found it was named that because of the murders of two princes which had been suspected to be done by their own uncle.

They talked about everything they had seen as they slowly walked out of the place and under the Tower Bridge, it was getting late and the sun seemed to be getting ready to set already. She yawned and hid it under her right hand, Alex getting a hold of her left hand and intertwining their fingers so she would walk with him at his pace.

"Where are we going?" Ella asked intrigued, they weren't going very fast but it was like he had the intent of getting somewhere on time.

"Just a bit further down here." He pointed forward with a tilt of his chin and continued walking.

Ella had no other option than to walk along him, and it had been the best day strolling around the city with him so there wasn't a bit in her that wanted to complain about a single thing.

They walked past a Starbucks and to her right she saw a little stand that sold boat tickets. They were walking right by the Thames after all so it wasn't rare to see all the people that were walking ahead of her and stopping by the railing along the short brick column.

As they walked closer to the people gathering for the view of the bridge, Ella finally saw the sculpture that stood there in a fountain and she let out a little gasp of awe.

"That's so cute! I'm gonna take a picture." She squeezed Alex's hand before slowly letting go of it and quickly turning on her camera and getting as close as she could between the people gathered there to get a good frame of the sculpture with the view of the bridge and the city behind it.

She snapped a pair and went back to Alex, excusing herself as she made her way through the people in the way.

"Are we not staying here?" She inquired when Alex grabbed her hand again and pulled her along with him, seeing as everyone seemed to stand next to the fountain to watch the sun go down.

Alex shook his head, "There's a few benches over there and way less people, so we can sit and watch the sunset quietly and alone."

Ella intertwined their fingers properly again with a grin and let him guide her to where he was referring to. It wasn't longer than another minute when they saw a lonely bench by a tree which had the perfect view of the bridge without it being spoiled by the people standing at the railing.

They sat down and sighed in relief, their backs and their feet aching after the long day, yet their smiles were stuck on their faces as they moved closer to each other and Ella let her head fall on his shoulder.

Alex left a kiss on her head before resting his head over hers, making Ella snuggle closer to him and inhaling deep in comfort.

"Thank you." Her voice was low and soft, with the echoes of the people chattering around them, he almost missed it.

His head turned slightly to be able to glance down at her, "What for?"

Ella kept her gaze on the city, being slowly bathed in orange and pink hues as the sun fell to bed down the horizon. "For today. It was lovely and you're the best tourist guide ever."

The last bit held such playfulness that earned her a snort from him, "I'm glad you liked it, darling." And Alex truly meant it, closing his eyes and relishing in the feeling of having her close to him.

"Absolutely loved it, sweetness." Her hand went to grab his—they had let go when they got comfortable on the bench—, intertwining their fingers and rubbing the back of his hand with her thumb. "You know if the rockstar gig doesn't work you can just take people around the city and make them pay you for your charm." He felt her move her head a bit and when he looked down at her, she had her eyes set on his face with a smirk tugging at the corners of her mouth.

Alex lifted his head to match her smirk and played along, "Charming am I?"

"You know you are." Ella rolled her eyes as if it annoyed her telling him the truth so she added, "Don't let it get to your head, it's already too big as it is."

The singer scoffed, straightening his back so he put a small distance between them, "Oh wow, thanks."

The American girl let out a small "Nooo," and hooked her arm through his to bring him back into her side. "I'm joking, I'm joking."

He hummed doubtfully but let her pull him closer. "You better be because you've got a bigger head than mine." He quipped back at her, making her gasp.

It was her turn to put some distance between them as she pulled herself off him with an offended frown, "Excuse me?"

But Alex looked at her completely disregarding her expression and teased her by saying, "Mhm, you're excused."

Ella gasped, "You're such a little shit." and poked him in the ribs, cackling when he jumped and let out a little yelp. She was so glad she got him back beside her after a whole month, "I missed you so much."

"Missed you more darling." He reciprocated, snaking his arm around her waist to pull her into his side. "We should go watch a film soon, I know it won't be the same but we haven't gone to the cinema together in far too long and I miss going to Los Feliz with you."

A bright grin broke out on her face, thinking back to the times they had been able to go to Los Feliz together. "Isn't it amazing? I'm so glad I got you obsessed with it too."

And without really thinking it through, Alex admitted something that had been making rounds in his mind for a while, "Making me consider moving to LA, you."

She rolled her eyes playfully, shaking her head looking at the view in front of them, "Yeah sure."

But, staring right at her and pinching her side so she'd look at him, he promised, "Swear down."

Narrowing her eyes at him, she chatted back, "Don't believe you, Turner."

His right hand came to clutch his chest like her lack of trust hurt his heart, "Rude. I thought you loved me and I was your best friend."

Her gaze stayed on his, unwavering and trying to gather her thoughts so she could answer but the only thing she came down to say was, "Touché."

She scooted back close to his side and rested her head on his shoulder, his fingers that were holding her waist had started rubbing circles on it over the fabric of her shirt. Ella was glad she had been able to control the shivers his touch gave her and took a deep breath as they watched the gorgeous sights in front of them.

The sky was turning lilac then and the dying sun was painting the cloud a beautiful pink and orange. It was breathtaking seeing the city coated by the colors, it was truly out of a painting and it somehow got even more beautiful as the minutes went by, the shades growing more intense and the urge of capturing it bubbled in her chest.

"This is stunning." Her words were breathless as she turned on her camera, trying to remember if it was four or five frames she had left in her current roll but only shooting three just to not mess up any of her previous pictures on the roll.

Alex watched her focusing as she watched the landscape through the viewfinder, her eye squinted and her bottom lip caught between her teeth.

"Can I get a picture of you?" He asked as soon as she brought her device back down to rest on her chest.

Ella hesitated for a second but before she could agree, she remembered the lack of proper lighting, "The flash is gonna ruin the sunset and if I don't use it, it will look too dark."

He thought of it only for a second, knowing she knew more about it than him but came to a different solution, "With my phone then."

She hummed like she was considering it, but her decision was taking longer than what he wanted so he bumped his head against hers softly and said, "C'mon darling."

When Ella turned to see him, Alex was grinning at her like he knew she was going to fold and she rolled her eyes when she finally agreed, "Okay just a quick one." She turned off her camera before she could move, purposely taking longer to do that.

Switching seats so he could take the picture properly, and taking her camera from her, Alex pulled up his camera on his phone and turned the flash on. "How does Bre get you to let her take your picture?" He wondered out loud as Ella shied behind her hands and took a few deep breaths.

Letting her hands drop, she shrugged and smiled, "Because it's Bre."

But before he could snap the moment away, Alex rolled his eyes and said, "Right, I forgot you're secretly in love with her still."

"Oh shut up." She hit his knee with hers, truly meaning it when she replied, "She's my best friend."

With that he smugly raised his phone back up, and with a, "And so am I, so smile for me darling." he waited for her to give him a big smile to take the picture.

He lowered his phone as he went to his camera roll to see how it had turned out, "That look alright?" Ella asked shyly, trying to see the product as he was grinning like an idiot at his screen.

Alex nodded intently, "Yes, I love it." And he wasn't lying, her eyes had closed from how big she had smiled, her cheeks rosy almost as much as the pink in the sky and once again he was brought back to that day they spent together in the west coast when he couldn't even begin to appreciate the sunset behind her as he drove because she looked so beautiful.

She demanded softly with a tug of his wrist, "Show it to me." And when she saw herself on his screen, she felt her cheeks heat up, "I look so..."

"Pretty?" He quickly finished the sentence for her.

But she shook her head, putting that to the side for the moment for her own good, "Blushy. My cheeks match the damn sky."

"You always are darling." He confirmed to her, "Don't think there's been many instances since 2011 when I've seen you and you've not been blushing."

She was properly embarrassed then, thinking about how dumb it was for her to always be blushing and for him to have noticed every time for the past two years, "Okay don't call me out now."

"Anyway, you look beautiful." The singer came back to see the picture once more and smiled to himself, "I'll send it to you now."

Her phone pinged with a notification of his text then and unlocking it to see it now on her screen, she sat comfortably again, shoulder to shoulder with him. "Thanks sweets."

His arm came around her shoulder and brought her into him, "You're welcome darling."

The minutes kept passing by and with it the sun lowered even more until it was completely gone and the sky went from orange, pink and lilac to a deep blue pierced by many stars which glistened as much as the lights of the city did.

Exhaustion was catching up to them, her eyes were closing and she was struggling to keep them open. Alex noticed when her hand started falling slowly from the top of her thigh where it was resting to the space between their legs.

So, softly getting a hold of her hand, he played with her fingers and asked in a low voice, "Should we head back to the hotel darling?"

Ella groaned but nodded, really wanting to get in bed and rest now. "Please?"

He pouted at her tired expression and slowly stood up after giving her a little squeeze, "'Course. Let's go."

Alex extended his hand out to her and she accepted it, letting him pull her up. "Thank you." She stumbled a bit, bumping into his chest where she rested her hand so she could stabilize herself.

He took advantage of how close he had her so he left a kiss on her temple and mumbled, "You're welcome." against it.

Turning around to leave, Alex grabbed her hand but she only moved an inch before she called out a "Wait." that he had barely managed to hear with the rumble of the city in the background.

"What's wrong?" He turned back to her with a small frown, he had her camera hanging from his neck and she had her bag hanging off her shoulder so he wasn't sure if there was anything she'd forgotten.

The bench was empty which confirmed she wasn't forgetting a thing but her frown softened up when she continued with a "Nothing just– c'mere," And she dropped his hand to open her arms up for him to walk into.

He of course obliged, taking a big stride her way and clutching her tight, her arms wrapped over his shoulders and his around her waist. She giggled when she felt her camera in the way of their chests pressing together, making for a rather awkward position but it was a hug from him so it was everything but. They swayed a bit in the embrace and he heard her say, "Love you Al, thank you for today." in his ear.

Filling up with warmth, the biggest smile showed on his face and he didn't waste another second to reciprocate, "Love you too Ellie." Kissing her cheek first, he pulled back to look into her eyes and make her understand that, "There's no need to thank me, darling. It was my absolute pleasure."

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A/N: Personally, my heart burst writing this, and rereading it made me tear up. Wheels and Curly being here along with the rest of t1975, Alex and Ella reuniting, and then being absolutely adorable makes me wanna cry. Once again, a million thank yous to @imagine-that-100​ for being wonderful and allowing me to have them here and expanding the multiverse a bit more, and I hope y'all enjoyed catching a glimpse of them in an alternate timeline because I certainly did fucking adore writing them in. If you haven’t read @nriacc​ yet, what are you waiting for? Anyway, I'm wondering now if you have any predictions about what's gonna happen in this trip, I would love to see what those predictions are and if there's anything you want to happen hehehe. Thank you so much for reading! See you in two weeks with the next!! xx

Taglist: @imagine-that-100​ @red---moon​ @kennedy-brooke​ @faveficz​ @indierockgirrl​ @ladydraculasthings @moonvr​ @unwantedlovergirl​ @eaglestar31 @nikisfwn​ @funniestpersoninnyc​ @andrearroe​ @justacaliforniandreamer @alexturnersgf69 @yourorganiccigarette

[pennyserenade]

all we ever wanted was everything

interlude i: henry & mariella - fade into you | ao3 link

pairing: javier peña x female oc, javier peña x named female oc (mariella), male oc x female oc rating: e (explicit) tags/warnings: angst, smut, talk of children and pregnancy, marriage, depression, infidelity.  word count: 6.7k summary: theirs is a story as old time: married much too young, certain they were pioneers on those unbeaten paths of love. all they ever wanted was everything & all they ever discovered was how none of it was really as original as they had hoped. it is a love story & it is not.  a/n: you don’t technically have to read this but i think for the sake of the story & all  understanding of mariella as a character, it is recommend. also it does play an important part in the next chapter, but i do think could get by without it.

The clock ticks past midnight at the college library and no one notices. Mariella Tawes and Henry Rath are both little more than lowered heads at the opposite ends of the same room, drawing in the same tedious, steady breaths.

She is studious at the wrong hours, insomniac and homesick, and he is making up for another weekend of fun. His head swarms, full of numbers and equations, and hers tilts, rested on the palm of a tired hand. Mariella’s mouth follows along silently with the words on the page and Henry’s eyes are prone to wandering in her direction. He chances a glance at her now and then, and finds she never looks back, so he grows braver still with the length at which he inspects her each time.

He remembers her name. They had health together last year in that cold, creaky classroom with old Mrs. Severson (who remembered, ironically, as being pretty severe with the deadlines). Her name is Mariella, pronounced Mari-ella. He wonders if she remembers him. She doesn’t seem to notice him from her corner of the world – and didn’t then, either – so he guesses probably not.

Henry is good-looking: hazel eyes, more green than blue, generous nose, boyish smile with a heavy bottom lip, and a head full of thick brown hair that falls shaggily over his ears and cascades just above his eyebrows–just how the girls like it. If you think of an All-American boy–try to conjure up an image–he might be the product you receive. Someone, in the spring of his Freshman year, told him he was the Pacific Northwest’s answer to JFK Jr, so of course he is not alien to the attention of women. He doesn’t really need more of it, but for some reason he’d really like Mariella to look at him just once.

Maybe that’s why he’s staring so hard. It’s not just a glance anymore. He’s inspecting her the way she’s looking at the book in her hands, careful and captivated.

She looks up at him, notices, like she can hear his thoughts. He smiles at her, not as nervous as he ought to be for having been caught. He wanted to be caught. It's the truth. She smiles too, before she ducks her head and finds her book page again. Her cheeks tint red and he feels poorly, but nicely too—liking the idea that he might be something that could make her nervous in a warm way. They go back to their quiet, to their own work, until his hungry stomach upsets the balance in the room thirty minutes later. It grumbles for seconds that feel like hours.

He laughs nervously, embarrassed. She smiles, reserved. “I haven’t eaten in a while,” he says.

“I think the pizza place is open down the street,” she provides kindly. He nods; it is. During the week, he works there. It is odd that he has never seen her there.

“Are you hungry? Would you like to go with me?”  He is personable. Mariella is less so, it seems, but not in an unwelcoming way. He can tell she’s shy. He remembers that she rarely ever raised her hand in class.

She shakes her head. “I’ve got to study.” The book in her hand is lifted, as if to say: see.

He smiles. “That’s fine. I’ll bring one back for us.”

He doesn’t give her the time to protest. When he comes back, cheeks red from the winter bite, he’s got half cheese, half pepperoni. She’s still in the corner, softly whispering a passage to herself. “Which kind?” he asks, opening the box in front of her.

“It’s okay, really,” she tells him. She smiles. “Eat your pizza. I don’t need any.”

“Are you sure?” he frowns.

She shakes her head again. “I don’t want to take your pizza. I’m okay, really,” she insists, still smiling. A polite smile, cushioning a rejection.

He gives up, trying not to act too defeated. He probably wouldn’t take his pizza either, now that he thinks about it. “Okay,” he tells her. He goes back to his side of the room, opens the math textbook that has been making his head feel heavy, and gets back to work. Grease stains the college-lined paper as he begins yet another problem.

“You’re Henry, aren’t you?” she asks out of nowhere.

When he lifts his head, he sees her looking at him from all the way over there. Her finger is tucked in between the pages of her book and she is beautiful in a way he can’t necessarily pinpoint, and wouldn’t want to. He nods sheepishly. Rejection does wonderful things to the ego, especially at hours like this. Even JFk Jr. would blush. “Yeah,” his voice says for him.

“I’m Mariella. I think we had a class together.”

“Yeah, health last term. I didn’t know if you remembered.”

“I did.”

She did. He blooms with his newfound boyish crush.

They are going to fall in love. It’s written between the lines of the grease stained paper his number is sketched on—the one he gives to her just shy of one am, and she keeps for decades after.

—

Leafs fall on campus the day Henry walks Mariella to class for the first time. They meet in the middle of the large university, at the edge of the empty soccer field. She wears a maroon cable knit sweater and her smile grows incrementally as he approaches her. His hair is wet, curling around his ears already, and the wind is biting as it blows in his direction. He wouldn’t have put this off for the world; he’d jog halfway here from the gym, wet droplets falling onto his heather-gray sweater the whole way. Even with the shower, he smells somewhat like chlorine and clean sweat, but he’d made it. His chest burns from the effort, but he beams at the sight of her–a beautiful square toothed smile.

They’ve been seeing each other in that tentative way young people do when they’re not sure what the other one wants; casual non-dates at the cafeterias peppered across campus, kissing in the back of his car with the radio turned down low on weekends; promises to see each other throughout the week. But no one dares to say the word date or boyfriend and girlfriend. They exist in the liminal space of the pre-relationship, and it’s beginning to worry him.

“Want me to carry those?” he asks her, nodding to the books in her hand. They don’t seem to be weighing her down, but the act seems chivalrous and he wants to be helpful, giving. Last night he’d explored the inside of her mouth with his tongue, tasted the salty column of her neck and felt her over her white lace bra. The car had gotten so stuffy, and she’d been grateful to let him draw up her blouse — it had proved rather tantalizing for them both. But as nice as that was, he doesn’t want her to think that’s all he wants.

“It’s okay,” she tells him. He looks so handsome like this: dripping wet, his chest rising and falling, so earnest. He’s got such an intense stare–so imploring.

Henry likes her–really– and she knows it, which scares her most of all. Something about him makes her feel helpless. He is like a cosmic wonder, some shooting star that tails its way across the night sky and fills you with hope – all while making you feel the precariousness of human life.

“You didn’t have to walk me to class, you know? I’ve been doing it by myself for a long time,” she says, though not unkindly. Her voice is always warm with him, even without her trying.

His bottom lip protrudes and his eyes go droopy, as if he is a puppy dog that’s just been kicked. “You don’t mind it, do you?”

“No. No, of course I don’t,” she's quick to clarify. “I just don’t want you to think you’ve got to do it.”

A cloud of relief flushes into the ecosystem of his body. He wears a contented grin as he breathes out: “I do want to. I like being around you, Mariella”

If  he only knew how much she wanted him. She can’t shake this feeling of impending failure, can’t shake how it looms ominously over each interaction they have together. At the dining halls she worries her food choice is wrong. In his car she worries he might have more experience than she does. On walks such as this one, she worries his inspecting gaze will catch an errant behavior, an ugly mark, too much smile or too little—anything—and find her no longer attractive. The fact that he seems so pleasantly happy to be here with her, walking, stuns her more than it ought to. It isn’t that she isn’t pretty. It’s not even that being pretty is what matters most to her. What Henry has brought into her life, along with a pocketful of joy she’s trying her best to ignore, is the realization that she’s afraid she’s not lovable. That something is wrong, always has been wrong, and that when she opens herself to him, he will find it.

“I’d like to take you as my date to this party I’ve been invited to next week.” He broaches the topic gingerly as they round the corner. They branch off into a more secluded pathway that she takes every day to this class. The stony decade old buildings provide an echoey background as he says,“It’s a low stakes affair, just something a friend of mine’s putting together.”

She stares ahead, feeling the lump of fear form in her throat. Now is the time to back out, she thinks. But for some reason she can’t. His body bumps into hers and he apologizes weakly for the misstep. In his voice she can hear nerves. She looks at him. His face is open, nothing to hide on its handsome expanse; he is nervous. “You don’t have to,” he adds quickly, “I just thought maybe since…”

“I’d love to go,” she tells him. Okay, she thinks. This is it. You are going to do this. This being: pursuing him, allowing herself to be pursued, falling in love with him. Getting serious. This is more than she’s ever given to any person in her life and it makes her flush. A grin breaks out across her lips and she feels like laughing. He looks like he feels that way, too.

“Great,” he says. “I…Would you like to have lunch with me? After your class?”

“Yes.”

“Two yeses in a row. I feel like I’ve got a good streak going here.”

“You do,” she laughs. They turn another corner. When they bump into each other again, no one apologizes.

“Mariella?” he asks.

“Yes?”

“Would you be my girlfriend?”

Her eyebrows draw up to her hairline. She looks to see if he’s joking. He is not.

“Okay.” It doesn't take her long to decide. This is a part of the plan, after all, just served up sooner than she imagined. “Yes.” —

In Harvey, James Stewart talks to his imaginary bunny and loses his mind in the most endearing manner. He’s set to the soft volume of six tonight, heard but not always seen. The hues of the movie throw shadows on Henry’s face and Mariella admits to herself that this boy is devastatingly good looking. Her heart thrums nervously in her chest as his warm hand skirts up her leg. They’re going to do it. He’s got condoms in his bedside table and a bottle of lube in the bathroom, if needed.

It isn't Mariella’s first time, nor his, but there’s an exciting freshness to it anyway. He gathers her up in his lap, asks her once, twice, ten times whether or not this is okay. His hand fondles her breasts, grips at the flesh of her ass, and drags a slow path to the waistband of her underwear. She nods against his forehead, warm with desire and flush with excitement. Last week he had fingered her in his car, in a position much like this one. She’s been thinking of it since, let’s it cross her mind at odd and obscure hours of the day. To be wanted by Henry makes her feel good, seen, human. When she thinks of his fingers inside of her, the way he kissed her hotly as his fingers ran over clit…

She moans wantonly and he nods, encouraging her. “Please,” she tells him softly, “Now.”

Suddenly Henry is above her, in her, forearms pitched at either side of her head, tongue in her mouth. Her hands guide his ass and her legs embrace him, the entirety of her body opening for him. He groans softly as he sheaths himself inside of her. Beneath them, the mattress groans from the pressure of their sway. It is nothing. It is everything. People have been doing it for centuries and yet nothing like this, not the way Henry and Mari do it now. It is flesh meeting flesh, the undoing of neatness and propriety that has guarded her for too long. Mariella gasps earnestly when he comes inside of the condom and he kisses her until her lips are red and plump and ache a little. Then he does something no man has done before and he makes her cum too, his lips glossy with her want at the end. She likes him.

In the post-coital aftermath, they finish the movie. He holds her loosely against his naked frame and touches her appreciatively, a thumb stroking a nipple, or her stomach, or some place as innocuous as her cheek. When he tells her that the movie is a favorite of his father’s, a man who calls him once every five years and who he scarcely knows past that single fact, Mariella falls a little in love with him.

Henry Rath understands her before he knows he does.

—-

They move in together, in an apartment close to campus. During the summer they had searched relentlessly for a place, calling long distance from Laredo to Washington, racking up unimaginable phone bills as they circled their newspaper entries with red pens. They hummed and hawed over the possibility of their future and now they stand in it: A plain two bedroom that costs three hundred a month. 

The manager had been so adamant that they take the apartment as soon as possible — “These things go fast because we’re so close to campus” — so they did. Because why not? It's been two years and Henry’s finally got a diploma. He wants to hang it somewhere that’s all his. 

Mariella wraps her arms around his torso and lays her head against his back. She moves with his muscle, listens to him speak through the sinew of his body. “It’s so hot,” he groans, but he doesn’t tell her to get off of him. He bangs a nail into the wall and laughs with boyish pride when it turns out alright. She had told him she worried that his craftsmen skills weren’t up to boot. 

“You did it,” she says, poking her head out from behind him. He lifts an arm and she pulls herself through, hanging off his side. It is hot; she can feel the sweat on the small of his back. They inspect his work with  grins only people in love can wear; soft and pleasant, like life is a cloud and they’re ready to sleep on it. “I probably shouldn’t have,” he responds. But he’s happy he did. 

She nods; she told him so. But this is so new. He is a college graduate and she’s a year out from her own degree. For the first time in her life she will never return home after the year finishes. This fact alone is enough to make Henry warm with excitement. Two summers without her had been long–even with internships to keep him busy. He visited her once, midsummer this past year. Laredo had welcomed him as most places did: with open arms. Mari’s father thought he had a good head on his shoulders, and told her so. And secretly, without her knowledge, Henry had asked the man—who could be intimidating when he wasn’t actively being warm—if asking Mariella to marry him would be alright. 

“At twenty-three it is easy to think you know what the world wants for you,” James told him. But he’d said yes after Henry added on the fact that he wouldn’t do it until Mariella was finished with school. So there’s this apartment and the promise of more to come. It’s pleasant to have so much future, an endless expanse of more stretched out before them. 

They will even thrill at the insanity of shared holidays, divvying themselves up between Laredo (her father’s) and Washington (his mother’s) with a bewildering delight. Their marriage is inevitable, but time is no race. Unlike their parents, they vow to do it right. -

She wears an inexpensive pink gown that her father had bought her for a different occasion–her college graduation–and admires the way her simple gold band looks against the tan of Henry’s suit. It’s fitted, the first he’s ever had. He’s so handsome that she feels a deep and incessant need to just touch him. Her husband. The word feels ethereal and interminable, sweet on the tongue as she nuzzles her head into his neck and whispers it. As they sway along to the soft sound of wedding acoustics, he lays his hand on the small of her back. Married in a church earlier today and celebrating in the back of her grandparents’ sizable home, Mariella feels like she’s beat some magnificent curse. After the reception, they travel into the thick of the Washington woods. He’s gotten them a honeymoon cabin, equipped with a hearth. There is no reception, just trees and the eerie quiet of vast woodlands. What is usually the makings of a horror movie seems a respite with him.

She wraps herself around him in an armchair, moves into his lap, lets herself gasp with pleasure. There is no one around to hear. He tastes like forever, his tongue finding her own, his cock deep inside of her. They move like they did when they were dancing, a sway, his hips meeting her hips, a rhythm so comfortable and easy as to allow for conversation.

“Two children,” he rattles off, tucking her hair behind her ear. He looks down between them, his voice heavy with his own desire as he watches them connect. Henry. He’s got a mole on his cheek and he wants to fill her with children. His wedding ring rests against the softness of her curves and hers presses into the firmness of his bicep. Two children, he says, because he and Mariella are the only children to two sets of parents who didn’t work out. It’s lonely being the only creation. She nods against his forehead and presses her lips to his. They gasp into each other as he fills her deeper.

She’s on birth control so the sentence is little more than a fairy tale, but they like it. Maybe it’s sweet naïveté or honeymoon foolishness. Perhaps it’s the fact that they’re tucked away in the trees, no one coming to disturb them for a week, not even in the form of a phone call. Whatever it is, they enjoy it. They form these stories between them, hips moving together in wedded sync. She feels him deep inside of her and her cheeks tint red as he tells her, against the cusp of her ear, “Let’s make them now, Mariella.”

It’s so easy to agree knowing it can’t happen. Playing pretend like children, except now the concepts are grander and the playing is different, a shade more intimate. She closes her eyes and imagines hazel-eyed children in a beautifully lit house, their little feet in the palm of her hand. Their toes will look like his; their smile will look like hers. Maybe they will inherit something from his mother. Maybe something of her father’s. It doesn’t matter. There will be two and they will not be lonely, and they will be half of him and she will love them just as much, if not more.

Her and Henry are going to grow old together. They’ve discovered love, really discovered it, a groundbreaking newness to the oldest thing in the world. It's never been like this, not between anyone else. Mariella is so sure.

- During the first summer of their new marriage, Henry makes friends with the principal of a private Catholic school. They stand cart to cart in a long checkout line and find common ground on a topic as simple as Sunday night football. By the time they reach the end of the line, Henry’s got himself an interview. They need an accountant as badly as he needs a job. In the parking lot, holding a package of hot dogs in one hand, he leans forward and shakes the man’s hand with the other. He is so pleased with himself that he calls Mariella as soon as he gets to the car.

He gets the job because he’s Henry: lovely, affable, and qualified. He does a good job. Such a good job, in fact, that they take Mariella on too.

At first she is a helper for a large second grade class, but then she matures quickly into a full fledged teacher herself. Mrs. Miller has a baby in December and decides the baby needs her more than her little classroom does. There is talk of Mariella being set to take on kindergarten next year, too because Ms. Neely, a seasoned kindergarten teacher, is ready to move up with her class.

The air is full of promise. Their future feels nearer and nearer every day. They buy a moss green ranch house with a downstairs and an upstairs, and two extra rooms for anything they want. They get the approval to paint it tan by the Homeowners association and they laugh together about the fact that they have to ask for things like that.

Henry falls asleep on the couch sometimes, too tired to drag himself to bed but they are happy. They married young and people told them it would be hard. And it’s not terribly hard, not as bad as they made it seem. He is still adoring. He brings her flowers for no reason, and he still loves her enough to take her on dates every Saturday night, no matter what. She can’t ask for much more.

——

Henry’s wearing a red baseball cap. His cotton white t-shirt is paired with blue-wash Levi jeans and he looks devastatingly good–like a baseball player on a day off. It is the school’s annual end of summer picnic. Mariella wears a pink summer dress that falls to her ankles, and a delicate gold cross on her neck to make up for the indency of bare shoulders. Children and parents alike call her “Mrs. Rath” as she helps pass out food.

One of the mothers is flirting with Henry, the way mothers tend to do because school accountants don’t usually look like this. It makes Mariella ache with pleasure. His muscle is flexing beneath the cotton of his shirt as he plays idly with a baseball in his hand and listens to the woman. It’s like he’s James Dean or Marlon Brandon: an American dream lover in the flesh. He is all hers.

The mother looks at him like he’s the greatest thing on God green’s earth and he’s so polite, so kind, nodding along to her like he doesn’t notice. Perhaps he doesn’t. She wouldn’t put it past Henry.

He turns his head and sees her. He begins waving like crazy and the mother turns her head to look too. When she sees Mariella she smiles like a woman who understands, or one who’s been caught, and nods her head respectfully. I see, the move says. And Mariella beams. Yes, she thinks warmly, he is all mine.

She finds she wants to bury herself in the love he has for her. She’ll give him children, of this she is certain. Not now, but one day. They both intrinsically understand this, so he doesn’t ask and she never says. Their condoms and their concepts stretch on, because they are so young and life is so sweet with ripe possibilities, but she knows, looking at him, that she must do this for him. She loves him more than anything. If she is going to give anyone children, it has to be him.

-

Her mother was older than this by the time she had her.

Henry and Mariella experience a shift, eat separate dinners on Wednesdays and Fridays, and make friends with people at work. He goes golfing sometimes, talks about country clubs and moving away. This is ennui. She shrugs, content with life but open to the possibilities. Or is she content? Is this just boredom she’s grown used to? She finds it’s better not to think about that. It is contentment.  

One night Henry asks her about babies. It is not a forbidden topic but they’ve begun to treat it like it is. He has come home late, a little buzzed, and he is groping her. She doesn’t mind. It has been two weeks. “When?” he asks softly into her ear. She leans back into him, hums. He humps against her backside and seems to forget she doesn’t answer.

She has children. Fourteen, all small and bright and lovely. There’s a precocious little girl who she favors, and almost makes her consider the possibility of it. It just doesn’t seem like the right time now.

Some day, she will give him his children.

They are still young. There is so much time. –

Over a cup of coffee, Mr. Seton confesses to Mariella that he loves her. His classroom is across the hall from hers and he seems to be her only friend these days. They’ve bonded over many things: music, old movies, the fact that they’ve both got busy, active partners and that they are the youngest on the roster this school year. Henry has so many friends, and seems to make a new one every week, despite the fact that his job is rather isolated. It makes Mari nervous, like there’s something wrong with her. When Mr. Seton – whom she calls Adam when there are no children around – tells her he loves her, she feels betrayed. You were my friend, she wants to tell him, in the same tone she uses to tell a student she is disappointed in them.

When she gets home, she tells Henry. He is upset—not at her, he makes sure to clarify—but at Adam. He asks her all kinds of questions about him, and though they are spoken in a gentle tone, she knows: Henry is upset at her, even if he says he’s not. It’s an undercurrent, his anger, his frustration.

“He knows I’m married,” she adds hopefully, as if it will help. But she has wondered all day if maybe she hasn’t been doing a good job at showing how married she is–wondering if maybe somewhere along the way Adam had figured out something she hadn’t. When Henry asks, “And Adam’s wife? Does he not think of her?” she knows the questions are meant for her, at least in part. And Mariella’s husband? Does she not think of him?

Henry loves Mariella more than he has ever loved anyone. If this divide they’re experiencing is because of children then he won’t ever ask about them again. He hadn’t even meant to. He’d gotten a little tipsy that night and it had slipped out, but it doesn’t matter to him. Not this much. He’ll do anything if it means that goddamn teacher won’t tell Mariella things like that again. Next time he sees her–tomorrow–Mr. Seton will know Mariella is too goddamn in love–that it will be pointless and embarrassing to confess something like that. Their love is invincible and this is just a kink because they married young. Everyone said they’d go through rough patches and this is one of them. How dare that man think his confession could come to anything?

“Mr. Seton, love your own wife,” Henry can imagine himself saying to the be-speckled, wannabe home-wrecker. He is nothing if not equable, even to those who threaten his domain, his life. “You’re going through a rough patch, and my wife will not be your garden of Eden. She loves me. She tells me what you said. Your secrets are her stories to me, because she loves me.”

Maybe not so equable, then, not in his own mind. Not to Mr. Seton. Not to fucking Adam.  

Later Henry fingers Mariella on the staircase. They don’t make it to the bedroom because they can’t; it's needy and desperate. It feels like before, like she is twenty and he is twenty-two and this is that shitty apartment they rented together their second summer as a couple. It feels like that until he asks her to say she loves him. She does, and he asks again, over and over and over, and he swallows the words in his mouth along with her moans. They go down like stones, hard and sharp. They are true–she does love him–but they are also just words, yet to be eroded by the pleasures of deep meaning.

Mr. Seton loves her, but Henry loves her more.

She loves me, she loves me not.

God, they married so young.

- A third anniversary. They don’t think of children, at least not together. Henry does, but it makes him ache so he tries not to. They’ve got a lifetime ahead of them and Mariella is not yet even thirty. They will have her eyes, her mouth. They will have his eyes, his nose. They will be perfect and loving and worth the trouble and the time and this desperation he can’t seem to fix.

Mariella forgets to say she loves him in the morning before work but remembers many more times throughout the day. This is just life.

- They argue. It is so rare that they do. They are not like this.

It is angry. His anger is large, not violent, but it makes her lip trimble anyways. For the first time in her life, she thinks she could hate him. She does. But then she doesn’t. She loves Henry so much and this is her fault. She works so late, comes home too tired to do anything but sleep.

“What does a teacher even have to do that late, Mariella?” he bellows and it is an ugly accustation. She counters: “Are you saying my job is somehow less important than yours? You don’t think I need to stay out as late as you because what–you make more?”

The argument becomes about so much of nothing in the end. Henry wanted to go on vacation—and it was only a suggestion. She was unrelenting and mean and they end the night by fucking. Fucking, unlike anything they’ve done before. It is ugly and they don’t use a condom. He cums on her thigh, mostly, and she is afraid two weeks later when her consistent period isn’t consistent anymore.

She doesn’t buy a pregnancy test to assuage her fears, not that first week, and she doesn’t tell him. The thought of it makes her sick. She can’t bring a child into this. It is so boring and ugly, and they are so young. She has fourteen kids in her class and she doesn’t want to take time away to be a mother. Not yet. She knows she will not be like Ms. Miller and he will not understand. Henry aches to be a parent. She can’t barely handle it, the way he aches. When her period comes she wants to be happy, but she is so notably unhappy now. Henry worries more about the teacher who confessed she loved her, to the point of quiet paranoia. He asks her so many questions about him. He finds the pregnancy test in the trash. They don’t talk about any of it. - Henry doesn’t want to divorce Mariella, but he realizes that he has to. He’s watching a movie late at night and she’s gone, at a conference for teachers and he is so excited for her to get home, wants her more than ever. But he knows what will come is not the Mariella he needs. It’s this idea he’s in love with, and maybe he’s that to her too. Ideas don’t stretch very far.

She doesn’t love him anymore. Not really. Not the way he needs her to.

They discuss it in the shower when she returns. He can’t tell if she’s crying as she leans her head back into the water spray. “It’ll cost money,” she tells him, so matter-of-fact he wonders whether or not it's a badly timed joke. It is and it isn’t. She loves Henry. She only said it so she wouldn’t promise babies to make him stop talking about it. Because she can’t do that. Not yet. Not now. Probably not ever. She is only twenty-six.

She read once that babies inherit fears and anxieties of the mother when they are in her womb. Her mother had been twenty years old and scared to death of her, of the idea of having to care for her alone. Maybe that’s where she got this: a fear of motherhood. Or maybe she’s just wrong, born out of sorts. She’s got a maternal instinct but an emotionally barren womb. It's no man’s land, working but unavailable. Everything will come out wrong somehow, she knows. If God was that cruel to Eve, what’s stopping him from doing something as twisted as that to her? Nothing.

Henry will never understand that. She is only twenty-six today and next time she will be only twenty-seven. Or maybe she will just be twenty-six and divorced. Who knows?

—

It's raining so hard outside that they’re wet from the downpour. He’s kissing her like he’s never kissed her before. Her lips are cool against his own. She shivers, drenched. They are going to be fine. She is an April baby and it always rains on her birthday. He gives her a necklace that’s too expensive but just her taste. They discuss a child quietly in bed that night and he is so excited. She is twenty-seven and terrified. They are going to be alright.

Aren’t they? - Henry asks Mariella for a divorce in the summer. By Christmas they are. She goes back to Laredo, tail between her legs. She doesn’t eat properly for months, but life moves on. - He invites her to the wedding. They promised to remain friends and this is how he is  a friend. She knows it’s not mean, that Henry really wants her there. The wife looks so different from her. She wonders how badly she must’ve fucked him up. Mariella declines. She is meant to be a good friend the way she was meant to be a good friend: hardly. - He is a father to a baby girl. Her name is Emily and she is their concept, an idea they formed together as a married couple, come to life with some other woman. She doesn’t have anything of Mariella’s, not the eyes or the mouth or the nose. Mariella tells him congratulations so earnestly she hates herself for it later. She is in Washington to visit her grandparents. Her grandpa is dying, which is something she might’ve told him before, but can’t now. He has a child! The grocery store is so overwhelming, all that bad fluorescent lighting and passing carts. She just needs soup. He tells her to keep in touch, really means it because he’s so goddamn happy and full of life. A beaming new father. She doesn’t keep in touch. Of course she doesn’t. - Randomly, he writes to her. Asks how she is, says that he wonders about her. His daughter is yay high and his wife is happy. Mariella writes back. She’s got a new job as a teacher. It’s been a good week so she sends the letter and forgets about it until he sends one back. They talk and talk and talk, safety in the miles between them.

She is happy to be his friend. - She visits her aunt and her grandmother at the beginning of summer. Henry isn’t on her mind until he’s in her line of vision. Another grocery store. She’s wearing a summer dress and her hair is shorter than it’s been in ever. His daughter tugs at his shirt and they stare at each other forever, remembering the life they had once lived. He asks about dinner. She says yes. Of course. They’re good friends.

They spend the night having sex, and it’s familiar. It  isn’t supposed to be like this. He is home. She was so young when she fucked it up. They are in love or maybe not. Maybe this is just the past mistaking itself for the present. That happens when you get lonely enough.

“You’re so…” Henry stutters off. His fingers dig into her hips, his groan deep as she fits herself over him again. “Tight,” he finishes. “God, Mariella. It..” His pace quickens, the sound of bare skin hitting bare skin evading the sex scented air. “It’s never been like this.”

Her skin tints red. A furrow settles between her eyebrows and he wrongfully mistakes it for mounting pleasure. She feels his satisfaction between her legs, his moan low and guttural as he takes in the sight of her above him. When he opens his mouth to speak again, she raises her hand, covering his wet lips with her fingers. The unashamed obscenity of his words is so unlike him. She never thought about the ways he’d be attuned to his other wife, about the ways doing this with him would make her think of the fact that he’s no longer hers. He takes her finger in his mouth, his hot tongue eagerly swirling around it.

His eyes connect with hers for the longest second in the world. They are the most promising thing she’s ever seen, wet with silent apology and the pain of their enduring love. Maybe even a little bit of remorse. He’s a cheater, after all, and she is his willing accomplice.

Beneath the soft orange hue of the bedside lamp, his eyes are green, freckled with familiar browns and blues. She replaces her finger with her tongue in his mouth. He tastes achingly of home, of their abandoned Washington ranch house someone else probably owns now. It’s so ironic she could cry. He does, a little; their kiss becomes salt drenched and tragic, but real, honest, like it should’ve been at the beginning and not now, some place even further beyond the end.

He twitches inside of her. He pushes her downward, so close to his chest that her nipples scrap over his chest.

Her cheek rests against the warmth of his lips.

She is gone by morning and he frowns, touching her side of the motel bed like he’s not quite sure she is really occupied by it. But she did. He remembers. Hip to hip, mouth to mouth, married in memory. When he gets home, his little girl opens her arms and giggles into his embrace. His wife is in the office, the one they share. She is also an accountant and she doesn’t ask where he’s been, but he tells her anyway. “Was at work,” he lies.

She believes him, because why shouldn’t she? He is always at work.

—

It has been three months. He leaves her a voicemail once, twice, three times and she deletes them all. His wife does not know. His daughter asks him why he’s gone so much. He cries in the shower and wonders why the hell he lets Mariella ruin his life.

And the answer is as simple as anything, but no less painful: because he loved her first and he might love her always. He is envious of the men he cannot know exist--the ones he imagines might be entertaining her. He wants to fly to Laredo, to ruin her life, but does not. Life moves on.

All they ever wanted was everything. He realizes that was too much. He will settle for half of it. 

[endlesslystarlitskies]

Lost and Found- Part 4

A/N: Hello again! I’m going to do my best to do one chapter a day, as right now I have a couple chapters written up, so hopefully that works out. Please let me know what you guys think. I am starting to worry the pacing of the story is a little weird, so let me know! Also, I’m not trying to get lazy or anything, but I also don’t want to be repetitive, so a lot of the fighting scenes are glossed over. Let me know if it looks bad. Thank you to everyone who’s followed the story so far! Hope you guys like it as much as I’m enjoying writing it again!  Genre: Horror, action, adventure, Romance, Slow-Burn, 

Pairing: Leon Kennedy x Named Reader (Named but not Described)

Summary: Ella was one of the missing hikers who was kidnapped by the villagers. She narrowly escaped being sacrificed, but her friends weren’t so lucky. Managing to survive out in the woods with her previous skills and knowledge, she runs into Leon, and that meeting begins the longest, most dangerous adventure of her life as she tries to help him save the girl she saw being taken into the church. What will happen along the way? Only one way to find out.  

Warnings: Canon typical violence and gore, Death, Murder, Monsters, Suicidal ideations mentioned, Ella has little regard for her own life and is dealing with the loss of someone closest to her while also fighting to survive with waning self-preservation instincts. Please be cautious if that triggers you.

Word Count: 4,399 Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

Story Masterlist xXx

When Ella had first seen Ashley, she had been on the hill in the woods when she passed by the church, never having been directly by it. The torches had caught her eyes, making her move forward to see what was going on, and it was there she saw Ashley being carried into the building, struggling as much as she could against the large, robed man that was carrying her. Ella could tell the girl wasn’t from the village, and she had wondered if she had been like her- an outsider wandering into something they could have never seen coming.

Ella had stayed there for an hour or so, but there had been infected everywhere, and they didn’t seem like they were going anywhere any time soon. Whoever was in there, they didn’t want her getting out. Ella still waited for as long as she could before she had to move on to find food and water, promising to return with help. And now here she was, not too long after that. Maybe Leon hadn’t been the help she expected to find, but he had proven himself pretty damn reliable already, as well as determined, so she would say she accomplished that goal.

Ella and Leon made their way past the graves and through the surprisingly unlocked gates, but unfortunately there was a larger locked gate in front of the church that required some sort of circular key, which meant they couldn’t get in.

“Damn it.” Leon growled, and Ella felt disappointment fill her. They were so close. Ashley was likely just beyond those doors, and they couldn’t reach her.

She knew that upset Leon the most, Ashley being the only reason he was here after all.

“I’ve got to update my contact.” He told Ella, taking a step back as he pressed on the earpiece. He didn’t seem too concerned with her overhearing, though he did walk a few steps away.

“Condor one to Roost. The church is sealed up.” He got straight to the point, and Ella just leaned against the gate as she listened in on his conversation out of curiosity.

“And baby eagle?” A female voice responded, Ella able to hear her this time. The code name made sense considering, but Ella still found them kind of silly. Baby Eagle? They really couldn’t come up with anything better than that? She supposed the United States Government didn’t have to be creative, though.

“Negative, nothing yet. But they sure do have this place locked up tight.” Ella had to hold back her scoff at that, thinking that he should have seen it when they first brought Ashley here. You would have thoughtSaddler was in the church.

“I see. I can think of one reason they’d want to do so.” Ella couldn’t help but wonder why they talked exactly how you’d think they would in a cliche action movie, a small breathy chuckle escaping her. Leon glanced over at her, but continued to talk to the woman on the other end.

“Oh, she’s here. That’s for sure. I’ll find a way in. Condor Out.” Ella didn’t miss the fact that he didn’t mention her, and if she’d have to guess, he didn’t mention her in the factory either. She didn’t think too much of it, assuming that his contacts wouldn’t care to know about anything other than Ashley.

Leon turned to her after breaking contact, noticing the look on her face.

“What?” He questioned, his expression showing that he knew she had been judging him the entire time.

“That was the most cliche conversation I’ve ever heard. ‘Condor one out’? You might as well have said “over” while you were at it.” She laughed, Leon’s expression of annoyance only furthering her amusement. “Either those action movies are really accurate, or you’re the definition of a cliche 90’s action hero.” She snorted in the middle of her laughter, receiving his now signature roll of the eyes.

“You know that reminds me, I realized I had an extra granola bar, but suddenly I’m not feeling very generous.” Ella’s laughter immediately stopped at that as she gave him a surprised look. He was just telling her this now? Did he think that one granola bar had been enough to satiate her hunger? “Oh that’s just cruel.” She almost pouted. “You would deny someone who’s been wandering around the woods for almost a week food? I thought you were nicer than that.” She laid on the guilt trip immediately. “Not only that, but it’s someone who’s saved your life on multiple occasions. Have you no heart?” That earned her a look of “really?”, and she shrugged. “I would do anything for that granola bar. Don’t test me.” She warned, and he shook his head, before reaching into his pack and tossing it to her.

“Go nuts.” She grinned, tearing open the wrapping and taking a bite out of the sweet snack. She didn’t even like granola bars, but having not eaten much the past few days, it was practically the most delicious thing she had ever tasted. With that, she followed Leon as he scaled the barrier to the church, quietly eating her snack. It reminded her that she needed to get more water soon. . .her throat was getting dry.

“Now I’m wishing I had more. This might be the quietest you’ve been.” She rolled her own eyes, but not even he could ruin the moment she was having as she ate the granola bar, opting to enjoy it in peace.

Her not replying with a witty retort seemed to surprise him as well, but his attention was quickly taken by the wooden door he found to the right of the church, it surprisingly being unlocked.

Ella followed after him, her eyes taking in the small room that was lit by a lantern on a wooden table. Papers were scattered everywhere; a map being pinned up to the wall that Leon took interest in first. Ella was right behind him, munching on her bar as she tried to read the scribbled and smudged writing.

It wasn’t too hard, and it mentioned that they had locked Ashley in the church when they learned Leon was here. That made sense. It hadn’t been very long after Ella watched them carry the girl into the church that she ran into Leon.

More importantly, however, the writing mentioned that the key was being held in the lake, guarded by a monster. Naturally.

“Well, it’s a good thing someone wrote the location of the key here on the map that was behind an unlocked door.” To be fair, Ella had learned early on that most of the villagers weren’t very smart. An effect of the infection, she supposed.

That also made her think that Leon was infected with the kind that didn’t deteriorate the mind, as his senses and intelligence didn’t seem the least bit affected thus far, which meant he would turn out to be powerful if he fell to the infection. Like the man in the hat, or the man with the necklace.

She decided to keep that to herself.

“Yeah, convenient. But it’s all we have to go on.” He had a point there. Ella turned away from the map, looking to the table that held the lamp on papers. She noticed a photo, picking it up and examining it. It was Ashley, the girl lying on the ground with her hands and ankles tied.

“Hey Leon, look.” She turned, showing him the photo as well as the writing on the back. It mentioned an appointed time, which couldn’t be good. Ella found herself once again wondering what it was they could want with the president's daughter. . .

“Hey, that Saddler guy can control the infected, right?” Ella questioned as the wheels in her mind turned.

“Yeah, I think so.” Leon responded, as it had been mentioned a couple of times in the notes and letters they found.

“Then maybe that’s why they want her. They want to control someone in the white house.” It seemed like the most likely reason considering, but that begged the question: What did they want control of the Whitehouse for?

It also meant that like Leon, Ashley was likely infected too, which meant that their goal had just gotten that much more difficult. At the very least, it meant they weren’t going to kill Ashley, so that was good.

Ella could see that Leon was thinking along the same lines, his expression full of contemplation, before he nodded.

“Yeah. Let’s get moving.” Probably a good idea.

xXx

There was a tunnel below the room they had been in that Ella had found, the two making their way down and finding their way towards the lake there. They ran into another village, taking care of the few people there, and finding a couple of gems and a fancy looking ring for their troubles.

The lake was below, but there was no way to get to the body of water from the settlement they were in, as it was attached to the side of the mountain, so they had to continue forward. Making their way through a narrow path, they came across an open wooden drop gate, and directly after it was possibly the most terrifying thing Ella had ever seen.

A gigantic hammer, one end of it being sharpened.

“Good luck finding someone big enough to use this thing.” Leon scoffed, and Ella gave him a wide-eyed look.

“You did not just say that.” She groaned, and Leon turned to her, confused. “I don’t know how much you read books or watch movies, but that has got to be the most obvious line of foreshadowing I have ever heard in the real world.” Leon’s tendency to follow cliches was seriously becoming less funny.

“You know what. . .I’ll actually give that to you.” He sighed, offering no argument as he replayed what he had said in his head.

Now more cautious than before, they headed into the open area beyond another wooded drop gate, and it took less than five seconds for both Ella and Leon to hear a deep, rumbling growl that was sounding behind giant double doors with a single large piece of wood keeping it locked.

Ella didn’t even say anything, just looking at Leon and gesturing to the doors with one hand, the word “see!” clear in her expression.

He grumbled in a low voice, Ella barely hearing him, but she was pretty sure he said, “Yeah yeah, I know.”

Satisfied that Leon had seen her point and hopefully learned his lesson, she focused on the way out of the clearing.

They were very quiet as they made their way to the other side of the opening and past the monster that was behind the gate, not wanting to risk catching its attention and figuring out if that single piece of wood was enough to keep it at bay.

Fortunately, they made it by, though Ella had a terrible feeling they would be back and next time, they wouldn’t be so lucky. xXx After making it through a little cavern in the mountains (Ella had been surprised the Merchant wasn’t inside), they came out the other end at a cliff by another section of the village overlooking the lake, and that was when Ella noticed the people in a boat.

“Leon, look.” She got his attention, the man pulling out binoculars and getting a better view. It was hard to tell for Ella, but it looked like they had dumped something, before driving off, leaving it floating in the lake Ella couldn’t even finish questioning what it could be as a giant creature suddenly emerged from the water, swallowing whatever they had dumped and making Ella gasp in surprise.

She hadn’t needed binoculars to see that.

“What the hell was that?” She murmured. She remembered the mention of the monster, but she had never imagined something like that.

“Trouble.” Leon breathed as he put his binoculars away, once again shocking Ella with how casual he was about seeing something so terrifying.

Whatever it was he had gone through before; she could only imagine it was absolutely horrifying to make him desensitized to what they had just seen.

She couldn’t imagine what it had been.

Deciding to not comment on yet another instance of his cool and casual reactions, she followed him down to the docks. The fact that he wasn’t the least bit worried about the monster was baffling to say the least.

She didn’t know how he did it because she didn’t even want to step foot onto the dock, let alone get into the small boat that was tied to the wood.

She would be lying if she said she wasn’t relieved when Leon learned the boat was out of gas, but that did mean they would need to explore more to find it. xXx It took taking care of yet another section of the village, but they finally found fuel, much to Ella’s disappointment.

Really, she knew that if they wanted to get the key, they had no choice but to go on the water, but she had been hoping to somehow find another way. They had no such luck.

To even get through the village to the fuel, they had to travel in water, unfortunately, which meant traveling in it once more to get back.

“Remind me to have us dry our boots when we have a second.” She sighed, her survivalist teachings coming into play once more as she thought about the dangers of wearing wet boots for too long.

“We don’t have time for that.” Leon argued, and Ella glared lightly at him.

“Yeah, you know what else we don’t have time for? Trench foot.” She pointed out. “Trench foot Leon! Do you know what that is?” She had a feeling he did because he didn’t argue further. Heading back to the dock, Leon filled the motor with fuel, before turning to her.

“Stay here.” He told her, turning back to get in, and as much as Ella didn’t want to argue, she didn’t want him to go out on his own either.

“Wait, hold on-” She had started, but Leon cut her off.

“We both know that thing is going to attack. It will be harder to deal with it if you’re in the boat too. Let me take care of it on my own, and then I’ll come back.” His tone was firm, showing he didn’t want to argue this, and Ella didn’t really want to argue it either, even if she felt bad letting him fight it on his own.

“How are you even going to kill it?” She asked him, not understanding what plan he had.

“There are harpoons in the boat. I’m going to let it come to me.” Ella couldn’t help but think that sounded like a terrible plan, as so many things could go wrong.

That clearly showed on her face because he sighed. “You got a better idea?” He asked her, and unfortunately, she did not. She had half a mind to suggest not going in the water, but she knew that they didn’t have a choice on that front.

“Okay fine, whatever.” She relented with a sigh. “You know, sometimes I don’t know whether you’re brave, or just stupid, but I guess those things don’t have to be mutually exclusive.” She lightly jabbed at him.

“Ha ha, now get back. This dock doesn’t look very stable.” He didn’t have to tell her twice. However, as she stepped off the dock, she remembered something.

“Wait, hold on!” She called, stopping Leon just as he was about to start the motor. Going into a little shack not too far off, she grabbed more harpoons she had remembered seeing when they had first come to the area, before bringing them over to him. “There. I don’t know if that’s enough, but it’s better than what you had originally.” At least she could help somewhat, and Leon gave her an appreciative nod.

Officially getting off the dock, Ella watched as he started the boat, before driving off into the middle of the lake. She had a feeling that this wasn’t going to end well. xXx

It had taken less than a minute for the thing to come for Leon, and Ella watched in horror and panic as the line of the boat caught on the monster, dragging it along with it as it swam and making Ella’s heart race with worry. Leon had to be sparing with the harpoons, only having so many, and he also had to watch out for things in the water that could damage the boat if he hit them.

Ella was truly and utterly useless to help, as it was too far out for her gun, and she had nothing else on her that could hurt that thing.

The good news was, Leon had a great arm, and great aim. When he did throw the harpoon, he almost never missed, and he always managed to get it in the head.

She had no idea how he did it, but after the tenth or so harpoon to the head, and the last one to its eye as it came straight for him in an attempt to swallow him, it died.

Relief washed over Ella as Leon and the boat seemed relatively intact, and she once again made her way to the edge of the dock as she waited for him to come back. She could honestly hug him after all of that, because for a moment there she thought he wasn’t going to pull it off. S

As Leon moved to start the motor once more, he suddenly froze, Ella’s brows furrowing in confusion. Why would he stop? Was he seeing something else in the water?

Ella hoped that wasn’t the case, as he definitely wouldn’t have enough harpoons to take down another one.

However, the next thing she knew, Leon seemed to be coughing up a lung, before disappearing out of Ella’s sight as he fell forward into the boat.

“Leon!” Panic once again seized Ella as she realized that Leon was possibly hurt and out in the middle of the damned lake, far away from her.

What could she do? There had to be something!

She could swim out there, but what if there was another one of those things? Or just another monster? Or what if the one from earlier wasn’t actually dead?

Despite her worry, Ella knew she couldn’t leave him out there, it being too dangerous.

“Oh fuck, I can’t believe I’m actually doing this.” She murmured to herself as she kicked off her boots and pulled off her socks. Next, she set her gear down on the dock, not wanting any of it to get wet, though she kept her knife.

Lastly, she pulled off her flannel, leaving her barefoot and in her shorts, tights, and black t-shirt. She was going to have to disinfect her shoulder again after this.

Not letting herself think about it any further, she dived into the murky water, shoving away her fear and swimming towards the boat. xXx Ella’s limbs were exhausted, and she was soaked to the bone as she drove the boat back to the dock. Leon was still breathing, much to her relief, but he was out cold. She had checked his arms, and sure enough, his veins were black, and more were becoming visible.

He got onto her for not being careful and look at what he was doing.

Dragging Leon out of the boat was no easy feat, but soon, she got him under the shelter of the wooden shed, laying him down on the dirt and resting his head on a couple of folded thick sacks she had found.

As much as she wanted to just fall back on her ass and rest her sore muscles, she had to start a fire, disinfect her shoulder, put their boots by the fire to dry, and-

There was just too much to do, and she couldn’t rest yet.

xXx

Eventually, Ella was sitting by the fire, holding her knees to her chest and letting the warmth permeate the cold that had settled in her core. Her and Leon’s shoes and socks, and her flannel were as close as they possibly could be to the fire without risking them being burnt, and her now filled water bottle was coming to a boil on a makeshift stand over the top of the flame. Her gear was sitting off to the side, but within reach if she needed it.

Leon was still out cold, but he didn’t seem to be in pain, so hopefully he would be okay.

Ella had disinfected her shoulder and did her best to replace the bandage, leaving it exposed so her wet shirt didn’t soak it.

She was exhausted, her eyelids heavy, and she had to fight to stay awake. She had to take her water off the fire soon, and make sure her flannel, the shoes, and socks didn't catch. She also had to make sure no enemies arrived, though she had set a tripwire of her own that had anything she could find that would make noise if someone hit it. So, unless someone came from the lake, she would know if there was anyone coming.

But it wasn’t just that. Leon had had blood on his hand, which meant he had coughed it up, and she was almost scared he was going to suddenly die on her.

She got the water done, able to stay awake long enough to let it cool and put the iodine tablets in, but after that, she couldn’t keep her eyes open, Ella laying her head on her knees and letting the warmth of the fire lull her to sleep. xXx She was startled awake when Leon suddenly gasped, sitting up and checking his arms as if there had been something wrong with them.

Ella was up in a second, moving over to him.

“Hey, you’re okay! You’re fine!” She assured him, not touching him as to not risk startling him further. He looked at her, panting slightly as he slowly seemed to snap out of whatever confusion he had been in.

He didn’t say anything, just taking a moment as he looked around, noticing that his shoes and socks were missing, the little camp she had made, and their clothes by the fire.

The fire was small now after not being tended to for who knows how long, but the socks and her flannel seemed to be relatively dry. Ella only hoped their shoes were dry enough.

“Um. . .Yeah, you know, trench foot.” Was all Ella could find in herself to say to explain herself. She had warned him she was the survivalist nut of their friends.Leon didn’t say anything about it, just nodding as he looked down at himself.

“How long was I out?” He asked her, his voice a little scratchy.

“Um. . .to be honest with you, I fell asleep. Swimming to and climbing in the boat and dragging your heavy ass out of it and into shelter wasn’t easy. But I know it had been at least an hour and half before I fell asleep. Maybe a little more.” She answered, the soreness of her muscles all to happily reminding her of what she had done.

“You didn’t have to do that.” He murmured, and Ella couldn’t help but feel a little annoyed at his words.

“Well sorry, but I had no idea if you were dying or hurt or what. You go off and fight some big ass water monster with a few harpoons, without thinking twice, leaving me on the dock to just worry about you the entire time, useless to help, and then you pass out all the way in the middle of the lake! For all I know, the boat was damaged and filling with water, and you could have drowned! So, excuse me if I give a shit about you and-” He stood up, putting his hands on her shoulders, having a habit of cutting off her rants that way.

“Okay, I get it. I’m sorry.” He tried to soothe her, though he had a shitty comforting voice. “Thank you.” That was a little better, and Ella found the annoyance and anxiety disappearing as she took a deep breath, the warmth she could feel from his hands doing most of the comforting if she was being honest with herself. She told herself it was because her clothes were still a little damp, making her a bit cold.

“You’re welcome.” She breathed as her hand came up, gently resting on his wrist. She didn’t even consciously do the action, but Leon didn’t seem to mind it much. “Are you okay? You coughed up blood. I think the infection is getting worse.” She voiced her concern, and he pulled his hands away, standing up straight as he looked to his arm, noticing the difference in his veins.

“Yeah, I’m fine now.” Ella didn’t know if she believed him, but she couldn’t really argue as she knew it would be pointless. “Let’s get going.” Ella deflated slightly, but she knew she should have expected this from Leon. He never just took a breath, always being on the move. Ella knew better than to protest, despite being worried about his health.

With that, they got their socks and shoes on, and Ella was relieved to feel her boots were mostly dry. Her flannel was warm as she pulled it over her shoulders, feeling nice against her muscles, and she let out a breath, gathering all her gear and putting out the fire, before following Leon to the boat.

It was obvious she was still concerned about him, as she was quiet and lost in thought as she sat in the front of the boat, staring out at nothing in particular.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay.” Leon told her as he steered the boat towards the boathouse, Ella looking over at him. She knew he was trying to comfort her, and she appreciated that, but she couldn’t shake off her worry. She just nodded, not saying anything, despite wanting to; the question at the tip of her tongue.

‘Yeah, but are you?’ She hadn’t known him for very long, but with everything they’ve already been through together, she felt closer to him than most of her “friends” or acquaintances back home, strangely enough. That wasn’t saying much, though. The only person she was truly close to had been Alice. Even so, as much as she didn’t want to feel close to him or care too much about him whatsoever, considering the situation they were in and the fact that she had already lost so much, she couldn’t help it. She had a feeling that would come back to bite her in the ass.

[wondergotten-concepts]

[[Turbø's interactions with øthers characters]]

(Long text in the below)

About King Candy:

"King Candy, or Candy I go by his name was the very trustworthy person I had in my life. Never expected he was so friendly to me at first, not everyone can be like him though. He always so happy and looks innocent, never seen if he's sad or angry. But sometimes what I remember, he and I were the same person...?一I guess I don't know, my memory still fuzzy.. hope if there's other way I can find to jog my memory. But hey on the bright side, he does always cared about me a lot just like I'm being his brother一as long that I care about him just to keep him safe from dangers.."

About the Twins:

"I remember about them being my rivals, they mess with me and I mess them back. Though, I can't even tell which one is the meanie and the other is the opposite, because they had the same outfits back in the past! Well, I saw the newspaper lately, as soon the magician twins can be possibly those two. Maybe there is a chance they can jog my memory back, but I don't know where exactly is Steamy Skyland or what that is.. You know, maybe I should be sorry for what I did, leaving them dead behind. But they would be not forgive me, I guess.."

About Cruella de vil:

"'She's one of the most popular tailor in Wondergotten', that's what Zippy said to me. Although, most people that has been interact with her often calls her Ella. She's always talks about dress this, fashion that, and even... use animal's fur as her new coat.. oh boy, talk about a deep, dark story she told me about the last time my first interact with her.. I'd rather not telling me THAT one一it stills traumatised me.."

About Dr. Facilier:

"Facilier was very一interesting to me. I mean, the first time at the court meeting or whatever it is, he showed up right behind me, I almost got a heart attack. The last time I see him wearing a skull mask, later after that he disappeared. Huh, weird一but suddenly, he appeared after I was getting carried by his meanie shadow then goea to him out from the library, seriously I just got that book in the first place! Anyway speaking about him, he always giving me information about in the book I had, I think it's called一Tarot of rules... it may be confused me but I still want to learn about it. I kept wondering why is he doesn't want to talk about his life in this world before I was here, even Candy doesn't know about him. Maybe some sort of character's mysterious past..? I'll figure it out with that later."

About Jack Horner:

"UGH... Him. He always be a troublemaker and pulls a prank on me. I mean hellooo一I'm a newcomer here you dumbo tiny legs! Hmmm, you know maybe if I get a chance to pull a prank on him would be called a 'payback'.. hehehe一Also I think Candy talks to me about him that he always promise making pie or cupcakes for him, huh一guess Candy was getting along with him I guess which I don't. On the other hand that reminds me, I didn't know he was great at cooking."

About Orson:

"Woah woah wait, you want me to talk about that guy?? Well, heh... I may or may not rather talk about him. Soooo umm, how should I put a word... unhinged?一Look, I've been fought that big crazy bugaboo in his bossfight and it was NOT Turbo-tastically OKAY! I tried to avoid him that I don't want to interact with so please don't ask me about him ONCE AGAIN一Thank you.-"

[marshmallowprotection]

oooooo fairytales! I love fairytales and also.... fairytale AUs 👀

Rapunzel Ray... sweet lovely prince locked in a tower... rescued by his prince(ss) and loved for the things he was taught to hate about himself...

Cinderella stories were my shit growing up (Anne Hathaway in Ella Enchanted (wait a sec... ella enchanted ray/saeran... I'll come back to this) and Drew Barrymore in Ever After made me gay) and I must apply cinderella AUs to all my faves.... cinderella!saeran or !saeyoung would need some playing around with bc of the sibling thing... something could probably be done with saeran's perception of saeyoung... i just love cinderella AUs

And now because the brainworms attacked: Ella Enchanted Ray/Saeran. If you like Cinderella stories I'd guess you've probably seen or read it but if you haven't the short version is: as a baby Ella is given the ""gift of obedience"" by a fairy godmother, which curses her to do anything she is told to do. In both versions she breaks the curse but I prefer the way the book does it--when the stepmother orders her to marry the prince, intending to make Ella her puppet for power since she's magically compelled to do whatever she's told, Ella breaks the curse through sheer force of will and refusal to hurt someone she actually loves (then marries the prince bc she wants to and can make the choice herself). Which reminds me a LOT of Saeray defying Rika on day 10 and running off with MC.

[I don't think you've read Calluna. While it may be older, it holds a soft place in my heart as it's a Ray themed story! He takes the place of Rapunzel in a strange twist of fate when he encounters a thief... who has a heart of gold and a secret you may not believe.] If you wonder how the twins can work in that situation, meaning how they are separated in that world, read to find out!

And, I love Ella Enchanted! Anne Hathaway was a member of my young gay awakening. You made me picture the scene in the chamber of mirrors and the thought alone is enough to make me cry. Him with a trembling hand, tears in his eyes, trying to choose a fate that won't hurt anyone because his heart is too soft for this curse. Though, picturing the way things lay out in the book... there is no wrong answer here. I could get really into that.

Sigh... I need to see Ray fancied up as a prince with a twist of angst...

[jonnylovers-in-neverland]

Chris Martin’s NME playlist

“With competitiveness and professional jealousy, I feel very lucky that it very quickly alchemises into just being inspired by someone and then being a fan of them,” Martin told NME, before giving us the lowdown on his fandom love of The Verve, R.E.M., and Missy Elliot in his genre-smashing choices. Check out what tracks he selected and why here…

‘It Makes You Forget (Itgehane)’ – Peggy Gou

Chris Martin: “Peggy Gou is a genius, as far as I am concerned. Her grooves are wonderful. Some people are still in the age of social media and everyone knowing everything, while some people just have ‘cool’ about them. Nick Cave has cool about him, Jay Z is effortlessly cool, and I think Peggy Gou is like that. Of course she has ‘Nanana’, which was brilliant, but I heard ‘If It Makes You Forget’ a few years ago, and every time I do I’m like, ‘How does she do that?’ It’s so clever. When talking about people who make you want to be on top of your game, and she’s one of them.”

‘Bittersweet Symphony’ – The Verve

“Any list of songs that I like has to include this because it’s still the most important song in my life. In a strange way, if you put together all of our songs, they’re all essentially saying that same thing: ‘It’s a bittersweet symphony’ – focussing more on the sweet, but always aware of the bitter. I was at that perfect age for that song; it was just seismic.

“When we were late-teenagers in the mid-90s, the big five of British bands were The Verve, Oasis, Blur, Supergrass, Radiohead. While I still love all five of those bands equally and for different reasons, if I had to take one song from that period, it would have to be ‘Bittersweet Symphony’. It only just beats ‘Airbag’ [Radiohead], ‘It’s Too Late’ [Supergrass], ‘Song 2’ [Blur] and the whole of ‘Different Class’ [Pulp]. ‘Bittersweet Symphony’ must always win.”

‘Independent Women, Pt. 1’ – Destiny’s Child

“This is the blessing of being in our band is you’re allowed to like all kinds of different things because you never have to worry about being cool! Now of course, liking Beyoncé is super cool. The first time we played Top Of The Pops, we were walking up the stage looking like what we were (which was students who’d just been given a bit of money).

“We didn’t look very good, but coming down the stairs were this group of goddesses. I hadn’t heard of them yet, but it was Destiny’s Child. We’d just done our performance of ‘Yellow’ or whatever, and ‘Independent Woman’ was around that time. I was like, ‘Oh my God, there’s a whole other level beyond grime-y bars and indie cool’. To this day, Beyoncé is someone who I’m always inspired by and in awe of. That was the first song that made me understand how good she is.”

‘In The Wee Small Hours’ – Frank Sinatra

“There definitely comes a time in life when you realise, to paraphrase Spinal Tap, no one has loved and lost like Frank. ‘In The Wee Small Hours’ and ‘Only The Lonely’ – those two records that were made in the ‘50s and arranged by a guy called Nelson Riddle who also did a lot of Ella Fitzgerald’s records. His arrangements are compositions and geniusly put-together. There’s a warmth, a sadness and a beauty in those albums that just really hits me now. I feel the same way about Chopin. These are all things that put me firmly in my place.”

‘Feeling Good’ – Nina Simone

“To me, she’s a real paradigm for one of the key philosophies of our band: look at what’s missing as an opportunity, look at what’s broken as the crack where the light comes in (that’s a Leonard Cohen line). Whatever’s happening to you is supposed to be happening to you and is for its highest good. Her story is that she was rejected from a classical conservatoire because of her colour, so she went and became Nina Simone. That’s alchemising trauma in such an incredible way. I hold her in the pantheon of great humans.

“I first heard this song being covered by Muse, every night when we opened for them back in 2000. I was like, ‘Oh this band are really good and that Nina Simone song is amazing.”

‘Nightswimming’ – R.E.M.

“R.E.M. are in the first group of big inspirers. After James, plus ‘Bad’ by Michael Jackson, Aha, and a band called Five Star, they were my first influences. Then came the first real wave of indie and shoegaze – some of it I really liked but some I just pretended to be into to impress the older boys.

“My introduction to R.E.M. was ‘Losing My Religion’, but then ‘Nightswimming’ was when I really fell in love with that band. I realised you could be a great band without any virtuosos if you’ve got the gift of songs and you really care about what you’re doing. R.E.M. gave me that lesson, and ‘Nightswimming’ still blows my mind every time I hear it.”

‘Starburster’ – Fontaines D.C.

“Will [Champion, Coldplay drummer] actually told me about Fontaines right at the beginning with ‘Big’. I listened to it and I got insanely jealous, which is my highest compliment. It was the same thing I felt when I saw The Flaming Lips for the first time or heard Nicki Minaj’s verse on ‘Monster’ by Kanye West. ‘Oh my god, how do you get this good?’ With ‘Big’ I thought, ‘This is unbelievable’. Then ‘Boys In The Better Land’ did the same and my son got really into Fontaines D.C. a few years ago. I thought ‘Skinty Fia’ was a masterpiece and I was eager to hear ‘Romance’ and ‘Starburster’.

“It shows how you become a brilliant band over a long period of time. It’s brave, it’s forward-thinking, it’s got soul, the lyrics are incredible, the melodies are incredible, the production is incredible, it keeps every other band on their toes. You can play it last in a set when no one even knows it and it will hold up. It’s perfect. That deep inhale is the best anti-sing-along too, it’s a breathe-along!”

‘Die Fledermaus: Overture’ – Johann Strauss II

“I saw this the other day at The Hollywood Bowl. My friend is a conductor and he was conducting it. It’s a waltz. Classical music was pop music at the time, and it really hit me the other night. I went right to the back of The Hollywood Bowl behind everybody and watched from way back. I felt like a fan and intimidated by how good the piece was. It was so full of life and colour.

“If this came out tomorrow, it would still be a hit in its way. Even the barrier between ‘classical’ and ‘modern’ music are being erased now. Things are either great or they’re not. This is really, truly wonderful.”

‘The Spark That Bled’ – The Flaming Lips

“When I was 19 and Coldplay was forming, you can hear in our early stuff that my main two influences at that time were Jeff Buckley and Radiohead. Jeff because I could sing in the same range. Before that, I didn’t think we stood a chance because I couldn’t sing like Liam Gallagher, we didn’t have the energy of Supergrass, I can’t observe like Jarvis Cocker could with Sheffield, I’m in trouble. Forget about trip-hop and hip-hop; that seemed so far away. Then Jeff Buckley seemed to sing like I sing but much better, and Radiohead at that time were from a similar socio-economic part of the country and were brilliant. They made me feel like it was possible to be in a band.”

“For a while, you can hear their influence, but then in 1999 we played Reading Festival at the bottom of the bill in the new band’s tent. At the top of the bill was The Flaming Lips, about whom I’d read in the NME and Melody Maker, because they were all into ‘The Soft Bulletin’ and saying it was the best album ever. I had to check them out.

‘The Spark That Bled’ was the first time I’d heard them when I saw them live, and it changed my entire world. It made me realise, ‘Oh, what our band needs to be is just ourselves’. As the internet grew and we travelled further and wider, we found too many influences to name. At the centre of any artist, should just be the freedom and bravery to be yourself – regardless of what anybody says.

“As a human too; as long as you’re not trying to hurt anybody, then the biggest thing you can be is yourself. Wayne Coyne was the first person I saw in the flesh, being really himself. It changed my life.”

‘Work It’ – Missy Elliott

“I remember that video being brilliant. I was probably watching that in the studio, thinking ‘Where has this come from?’ We hadn’t been to America yet or anything, and this was another thing that felt a million miles away but now doesn’t. It’s another perfect song.”

[link to that playlist on Spotify]

[songs-about-girls-like-me]

chapter 8: cute handwriting and muddy water

The next week at school the camp faded away quickly. Ella, Olivia and I were creating a new role play/ avatar game that involved tiny versions of "ourselves". We had named them “Minies” for they were mini sized, and we would spend a lot of class just chatting about what they were supposedly wearing or what classes they were taking at school, cause they were older than us. Like actual teenagers. Like, 14. Mine was called Clarissa since I had just watched a re-run of “Clarissa explains it all” on Nickelodeon’s “Nick at night”. Ella's was called Jade and Olivia's was Miley. Ella and I had actually even "brought them" to the school camp and we had thought about their outfits both for the disco and cute everyday wear. The superhero game we had been playing since first grade was evolving into this and we were playing superheroes way less. I was sitting in class having finished my school work, drawing something related to “Clari” in the back of my notebook when we were told to put everything away from our desks cause it was Time for "Good News", which is what our school called this short catholic education class we would have twice a week. Most of the Times it would only mean it was Time for this type of group activities that were supposed to make us bond or be nicer to our classmates, or our parents, or be grateful for our lives, and stuff like that.

That day, after a long story Time from our “Good News” teachers, we were asked to write small cards of appreciation to some of our classmates. We were handed colored sheets of paper cut in half. I liked the class enough and I liked my friends a lot, so I wrote one to Liv and one to Ella and I meant whatever I wrote. Then I was wondering whether I should write to anyone else since the dynamic kind of asked for it to be broader than just writing to our friends. I really can't remember if I did write to anyone else. At the end of the class, we were told to hand in our letters and so I looked for my friends. I got one from Ella and one from Olivia as expected, and they were very nice. And then I got a third letter.

MJ handed it to me.

"This one's yours, Rees" she passed it to me, and left with a smile. The piece of paper had been folded carefully twice and for some reason I noticed just then that it wasn't bond paper but nicer thicker one. I pulled one of the corners of it and the orange card seemed to unfold by itself. It had my name written on the top of the page in big calligraphy. It read:

"Rees:

We're not really close, but I really like the Time we've been spending together. Thanks for all the help and fun during jazz!

You're awesome ! :)

From: MJ [last name initials] xo"

It really was from her. For a second, I found it so random that it prevented me from feeling just very happy. I was so glad she had specifically written about Jazz cause if not, maybe I wouldn't had been able to understand when had we hung out together, or what she was talking about.

But now that I thought about it, it was true. I had enjoyed some moments with MJ during Jazz or just before entering the dance classroom. I clearly hadn't given it too much thought but now I was really happily surprised. She had written "Help and fun", I was glad I wasn't uninviting or cocky. Sometimes I did worry about coming across as cocky with Jazz stuff, just cause I really liked it and I knew I could be annoying with the "I've been taking this class since I was 4" veteran vibe. No one thought jazz was cool anyway but I still didn't want to be conceited. Ella, standing next to me, had received a similar letter from her and was reading it. I thought that was so nice of MJ. Olivia had not received one, but it made sense cause she had changed to the other dance group and she wasn't around as much during that “Before Jazz Time”. Mary Jane's handwriting was so fresh, fun and pretty, it almost had a flirty, italic inclination to it. It seemed like the type of hadwriting a diary on a tv show would be written in. It was similar to her, and I liked that. Like a natural charm. It just made sense that she was the crush of half the boys in our class. I smiled at her from across the room, amongst her friends. She smiled back and we laugh a little like a friendly "thanks-you're welcome". I hadn't even noticed about these small hang outs but I was happy to know we'd be hanging out later today then cause we had jazz class. She looked so sincere.

"MJ's nice" I said to Ella.

"Yeah, I also wrote to her"

I looked at Ella and kinda felt funnily confused. Not even about not having written to MJ myself, but the fact that these interactions had completely slipped off my mind somehow, and I was part of them.

"She's kind of our friend, don't be thick*, Rees"

I didn't say it out loud but I could've asked Ella "since when?", just genuinely.

She did say "kind of" and MJ wrote we were "not really close". And we would only really talk during or before Jazz. She had her own friend group and we had ours. I guessed I wasn't insane for not thinking anything about it. In my world, we were just joking around together. Or repeating to her how to do a "pas de bourrée" when she asked, and guiding her through it for a couple tries until she got it right, without being a bitch about it. One thing I knew now for sure though: Mary Jane for real was not a mean girl, even if I still thought her friends were real muddy water.

*this is british slang for "stupid", so sorry loll i had to use it

[carolinemillerbooks]

New Post has been published on Books by Caroline Miller

New Post has been published on https://www.booksbycarolinemiller.com/musings/everyone-has-a-story-to-tell-2/

Everyone Has A Story To Tell

My essay below first appeared in the ebook magazine Women Writers, Women’s Books on July 27, 2020.  This is a reprint of that article.   EVERYONE HAS A STORY TO TELL “Everyone has a story to tell,” said the woman seated opposite me at my retirement center. Somewhere in her 80s, she had the beauty of a Gibson Girl.  A cloud of silver hair framed her pale complexion, and her eyes were the size of blue pebbles, though the color had faded.  As she told me her story, her eyes strayed into the distance, as if images of her past were being thrown upon a far wall.   I drained my coffee cup, not daring to make a sound, while she recounted stories of her youth–a period during World War II when, as a dancer, she entertained American troops on the Western front. Though well into my 70s, I sat like a child before her, open-mouthed, dazzled by her adventures. She was proving her truth. Everyone has a story to tell. The question for most of us is how to begin and whom to address.  Are the memoirs we write meant for friends and family?  Or should the public be included? That decision is crucial from the start. Friends and family are a willing audience. Relatives are curious about their predecessors. Why did Uncle Herman stop speaking to his brother? When did Cousin Ella become fearful of ponds?  Grandchildren will turn the pages of a memoir salaciously, wondering if their grandparents ever kissed. A family memoir is often linear in structure.  The course of events unfold as they were lived–first this, then this, and then this.  The vignettes march across the pages like a troop of well-rehearsed drummers. Introspection isn’t deep, though we may learn that Grandpa Rutherford favored eggs for breakfast because his mother served him porridge as a child. Family members who hunger for tidbits about their heritage will tolerate a linear construction. The general public is likely to yawn. For them, a memoir must venture into a wider sea. No longer a teller of family secrets, the author sets a course for human understanding. What makes us laugh or cry? What dreams do we hold in common? Organizing insights like these invite a structure more varied than a linear one.  Book lovers who attempt a public memoir will have an easier time organizing their thoughts than the occasional reader. Bookworms make good writers. Call it transmigration or the process of osmosis, but those of us with well-worn library cards have been inhaling the writer’s skill simply by observing it—the way an infant learns to stand by mimicking its parents For those of us less well-read, organizing material according to themes is a good plan: humorous stories, stories of disappointment, or those about overcoming difficulties.  James Harriot’s format in All Creatures Great and Small also works.  He salts sad stories between several happy ones. Celebrities can ignore my advice and suffer no consequences. People will buy a famous person’s book out of curiosity or because they admire the individual.  If the piece is boring, they will pass it along as a form of revenge to a neighbor–the guy whose dog likes to pee on your zinnias. Most importantly, a memoir writer must be honest. Too many self-congratulatory remarks smack of narcissism. Expose your mistakes so your audience learns from you.  If they do, they will love you for it.  “We’re all mad here,” said the Cheshire Cat. Everyone has a story to tell.  If yours helps someone to reflect, laugh or shed a tear, you will have mastered the art of memoir. My upcoming memoir, to be published on November 1, 2023, makes a stab at all of the above.  The narrative begins with an incident at my retirement center which provokes memories of a time in my earlier twenties when I spent four years abroad. In 1959, the ink was barely dry on my college diploma when I followed my fiancé to England. After two years spent struggling to adapt to life in a new country, the man I adored broke our engagement. Rudderless and far from home, I joined an English acquaintance to teach in East Africa. I knew nothing about the political turbulence in that part of the world, an era when white colonial empires struggled to maintain their grip on indigenous populations.  By the time I stepped off the boat in Cape Town, UHURU’s freedom cry had ignited the land. Even so, I little realized my coming-of-age story would mirror the joy, suffering, and danger of the birth of new nations.  By the time I returned to the United States, I was a  stranger in my country. I’d been transformed by my experiences yet well knew the value of making human connections. Now, with my hair turned silver, I’ve chosen to retrace the journey that became a pilgrimage.  Will readers connect with my story? Like every artist, I stand with my heart in my mouth awaiting their decision.

[teachandwrite-blog]

Being a teacher is like being a farmer.

You rise early in the morning.

You prepare the field I that is your classroom.

You sow the seeds that are reading, writing, and arithmetic.

You hope for good soil, warm sunshine, and gentle rain that are good homes, healthy foods, and healthcare for your students.

You work with your hands, feet and heart with your plants who are your students.

Your harvest is your students.

Your winter season of fallow fields is your summer break, your empty classroom.

My Grandpa was a farmer.

Once he told me, "When you're a farmer, you live in a seven year cycle. One year will be wonderful. One year will be awful. Two years will lean toward the wonderful. Two years will lean toward the awful. And one year will be right smack dab in the middle."

What can we do during those awful years and those years that lean toward awful to keep on keeping on

Reflecting on women in the Civil Rights Movements helps me.

I read the book Women in the Civil Rights Movement: Trailblazers and Torchbearers 1941-1965 by Vicki L. Crawford, Jacqueline Anne Rouse and Barbara Woods with a group of students in a Civil Rights history class at Converse College.

I learned that the remarkable women in that book had some awful years, too, as they worked toward their wonderful goal of equal rights for Black folks, for all folks..

I learned about Fannie Lou Hamer, who was beaten mercilessly in a Sunflower County, Mississippi jail cell for her efforts to register Black voters.

Later, she would speak before the 1964 Democratic Convention and the nation on behalf of the Mississippi Freedom Democratic Party in opposition to Mississippi's all-white delegation to the convention.

Awful led to wonderful because she hoped and worked, stayed and fought.

I learned about Ella Baker, who worked toward the idea that the Civil Rights Movement was about people struggling together in a democratic society to make American society a more human place for all people (and democratic work is indeed a struggle) rather than about Mosaic type leaders leading an oppressed people to a promised land.

Awful led to wonderful because she lived unseen and unheard by most people in the world, but was the heart, soul, hands and feet of the movement.

I learned about Modjeska Simkins, who taught high school at Booker T. Washington High School in Columbia in my own state of South Carolina and was forced to resign after eight years because married women weren't allowed to be teachers.

Awful led to wonderful as she went on to become the secretary of the S.C. branch of the NAACP from 1941-1957 and helped write the court case Briggs v. Elliott in Clarendon County that grew into the Brown v. Board of Education lawsuit.

These women and so many others - Septima Poinsette Clark who helped create the Citizenship Schools upon which the Civil Rights Movement was built, Jo Ann Gibson Robinson who helped lead the Montgomery Bus Boycott, and so many others - didn't quit.

The rows they hoed were long and hard but look at their harvest - you, me and the students we teach!

Wherever you fall in the seven year farming cycle, please remember that your work is a seed in fallow ground that is life to all people, regardless of color, nationality, socio-economic status, sex, ability, or sexual orientation.

Your life is shows us that we are human beings of inestimable worth.

Thank you.

Keep farming.

- Trevor Scott Barton, Brown Eyed Stories, 2022

[mardetragediasx]

Language Tragedies of a 10-year-old

The smell of Crayola crayons, the smell of a new book, the smell of wooden pencils and rubber eraser shavings, and the smell of my mother making caldo de pollo for dinner. These scents bring me a sense of comfort and nostalgia. My family of five lived in a cramped apartment with my dad working early mornings and my mother working late nights. My mother would leave our dinner ready so my little sister and I would eat before my uncle got home to watch over us until my dad arrived from work in the morning. 

I remember crying out of frustration one night because my second-grade homework wasn’t making any sense to me. My mother was running late for work and I really needed help with my assignment. She told me to keep trying because she knew I was a smart girl and not to give up with some tears. My tears would only damage the page I needed to hand in for class and it would make it difficult for me to write on. She handed me two dictionaries. One dictionary was so worn out that if it could recount stories of my mother and father using it to get around NYC as migrants, the pages would turn blank and disintegrate. The second dictionary was the New Edition: English to Spanish, the cover was still red and shiny and there were barely any signs of wear. She pointed to the sentence and asked me which word I had trouble understanding. I pointed to the word “elaborate”. My mom sighed, handed me the old dictionary, and told me, “Apurate a buscarlo antes de que me valla”. With tears and boogers running down my face, I started to skim through the “E” section of the dictionary. AHA! I found it. My mom found the word too and skimmed the translated section, “Elaborar”. She explained to me that I needed to explain what I was writing for my assignment. She caressed my head and apologized for not knowing any English. I don’t know if I cried more after she left that night for work but I was able to finish my homework. 

I had to learn how to be tough with my words. I had to learn “difficult” vocabulary because at a certain age I understood that my parents needed my tongue to get through this English world. So, I read books every day and night. My teacher told my dad that my reading level had reached level Z in fourth grade. She wondered what their parenting style was like because many students struggle to get past picture books but he didn’t know how to answer her, “Ella es inteligente. Le encanta leer”. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed my fictional books. I enjoyed them so much that I convinced my parents to get me the entire Series of Unfortunate Events book series from the Scholastic book fair. It was my comfort series because I related to the characters so much. 

Anyway, I remember one day after school, my mom needed to run some errands and she told me she needed my help renewing my insurance. I started to feel stressed because I knew the receptionist at the insurance office would get frustrated that my mom didn’t understand her. The receptionist would give up trying to pronounce Juana and name her “Johanna” instead. I knew I had to confront this receptionist sooner or later and so I braced myself to do so that day. 

We got to the insurance office and to my surprise, there was someone else at the reception desk. My mom was holding my hand with an intense grip that was starting to annoy me until the receptionist greeted my mom and me in Spanish. I felt her grip loosen up and I remember looking up at her and she was smiling with relief. We were ushered into the office packed with cubicles, people talking, and phones ringing. A lady walked up to us with glasses sitting on her head, clipboard in one hand, and a pen in the other, “Johanna?” she asked. She looked at my mom and then looked at me and asked my mom, “and this is…?” and my mom pointed at me and back at her. The lady rolled her eyes as she impatiently waited for a response, which I said, “I’m her daughter. I am going to translate my insurance documents for her”. She looked at me in confusion, put on her glasses, and lowered down to my height to tell me, “I don’t need you to tell me that. I need her to say that to me…in English”. I wanted to cry, curse her out, and yell “DO YOUR JOB AND GET HER A TRANSLATOR THEN!”. But I didn’t. I looked at my mom and told her, “Mami, no me va dejar ayudarte porque tienes que decirle en ingles la razon por que me trajiste”. She grabbed my hand, pulled me close to her, and said, “Vamonos”. We left and I remember seeing my mom enraged speaking with the receptionist. The receptionist apologized and offered to make a new appointment for us with a translator this time. My mom said the translators did not answer the last time she was there, so what difference would it make if we made an appointment. We left. Our neighbor told her about pop-up tables at the hospital that help people like nosotras with their insurance. We never went back to that office.

I still think about this moment from time to time. My tongue failed me that day.

I still think of the countless times my parents have apologized for not knowing English. The amount of “mija, disculpame”, “mija, tu puedes porque eres nacida aqui”, and “mija, te tenemos confianza”. 

I get upset recounting this memory.

[ellana-ravenwood]

“You’re not my real mom !” - Batkids x Fem!Reader (Batmom)

Synopsis : A story about those few dreaded words : “You’re not my real mom”, said by the batkids, to you, in a the heat of a moment. And the aftermath of it all... 

This has been in my draft for ages. I hope you like it :) : 

my masterlists : @ella-ravenwood-archives

__________________________________________________

DICK 

It happened so fast. In a quick moment of anger. 

A flash, a bang, words said too quickly to truly realize their meaning. 

Dick was frustrated because he felt you didn’t understand him, his point of view. And you were trying to explain to him that it was not okay to...

You know what ? 

You couldn’t even remember what he did. As if whatever it was, it was all wiped out of your memory when he pronounced those bone chilling words. 

You only remembered you were “scolding” him, just like parents do when their child did something he wasn’t supposed to. You rarely told Dick off, even when he would burst into fits of anger. 

You always told him : “When you came into my life, you changed everything. And I love all of you little bird. Not just when you’re joking around and smiling. But also when you get angry, and lash out. You are my son, I love all of you.” 

And you meant it. Often, you or Bruce would take the brunt of his anger, without batting an eye. After all, that child went through a lot. It was totally normal for him to lash out at times. 

He saw his parents died right in front of him. It wasn’t a trauma that would be solved that fast (Bruce was proof of it). “The magic of love” couldn't simply cure someone who was so deeply hurt. Although it helped, over time. 

Yes. Time. 

It would take time, and support, for Dick to heal. And you were here for it. Here for him. 

But there were times, you had to say something. 

Usually, it was when he was being too reckless. 

Your son could be overzealous, and go too far. And you were so worried about his safety and wellbeing...Very rarely, you’d have to “scold” him. 

And you couldn’t even remember what you were lecturing him about that evening (even if you had an idea it was about being a little more careful). All you remembered was...

“You’re not even my real mom ! You can’t tell me anything !” 

And him turning away from you, crossing his arms and refusing to look your way. Which was good anyway, because you were an instant mess. 

“Ok”, you managed to say, wondering how the hell you were able to get the words out. And then you left. Feeling the tears welling up in your eyes. And your heart slowly breaking. 

Bruce found you two later, both clearly feeling down... 

Dick stayed quiet the entire time they were on patrol, and Bruce instantly knew something was wrong. He wasn’t there during your fight, and he only arrived when you were already gone, surprised that you went to bed so early in the night, and didn’t stay with your son downstairs until it was time for patrol... 

The man didn’t push the boy, waiting for him to open up if he wanted to. And as usual, Dick did finally speak up. In a weak voice, as they were surveying the city from a rooftop, he said :

“I told her she wasn’t my real mom...” 

“Ah.” 

Bruce felt the urge to go back home and console you, knowing that you were certainly a mess, right now. But he had to take care of his boy, too. 

And oh, oh Dick looked so crestfallen and sad as the meaning of his words slowly etched into his mind. 

“I told her she wasn’t-she wasn’t-but she is I just-I-I don’t know why I said that-I...” 

The little one was on the verge of tears, and Bruce understood why. 

He probably understood more than anyone else. 

He told Alfred “You’re not my dad !” more than once, and remembered how even the stoic butler looked, whenever he said it. 

He remembered the hurt in his eyes, the resignation too. The “very well sir”, said in a neutral manner, but the stiff way he’d left the room. 

It took Bruce a while, to finally realize that Alfred WAS his father. That he raised him, most definitely. And was always there for him during the hard times. 

That he even helped and supported him, when he came back after disappearing for years, saying : “I’m going to dress up as a bat and wipe crimes from Gotham”. ...How many parents would be that understanding, eh ? 

Alfred knew Bruce. And always tried to do his best for him. So whenever Bruce would yell at him that he “wasn’t his father”, it hurt. 

Bruce knew it. He noticed how Alfred’s entire demeanor would change. He’d see a light go out in his eyes. 

“Very well, sir.”, a small bow, and the stiffness of his body as he left...

And Bruce remembered. 

The guilt and the pain he felt himself, as he regretted ever saying those words. As he knew they were going to hurt, which is why he said them in the first place.

It wasn’t that he wanted to hurt his adopted father, oh no. It was that sometimes he just...He just felt so angry ! Like everything was unfair ! And he missed his parents so much ! 

It was a force stronger than him, he wanted Alfred to leave him alone, and pushed him away...”You’re not my dad !”. So yes. Bruce understood little Dickie. He understood you, too. He knew how you must’ve felt, he saw it enough happening to Alfred. 

Once you’d get home, he would take care of you. But right now, he had to care for his son. 

Right here, on one of Gotham’s rooftop, the scary and mighty Batman slowly kneeled down, and took his boy in his arms, holding him tightly. 

Dick didn’t need more to throw his arms around his father’s shoulders, and hold him strongly too, with all his nine years old strength, sobbing slowly. 

Bruce drew soothing circles on his back, and whispered : 

“It’s ok, it’s going to be ok. It’s ok. Calm down, things are going to be ok.” 

Your husband lost count of the time passing. Were they there, holding each others while Dick was sobbing uncontrollably, for ten minutes, or for ten hours ? He didn’t know. And he didn’t budge.  

His son needed him. Just like once, he needed Alfred... 

Dick fell asleep in his arms, and that night, Bruce came home early. 

Not like he was going to stay out anyway, knowing you were probably devastated, all alone in your room... 

************

Dick fell into a deep sleep, and didn’t budge one bit even as Bruce came down the building, rode home, and put him into bed. 

Bruce’s guess was that all the pent up feelings truly exhausted him. Also, he knew that crying could be tiring. And freeing, in a way. 

Putting the boy’s blanket all the way up to his chin, Bruce laid a kiss on his forehead and then rushed to your shared bedroom... 

You had cried too, but you were not asleep. 

Your eyes were puffy and red, and your cheeks marked with your tears. You seemed surprised, when he came in, and looked at the clock. 

It was only midnight ? 

“Hello, my love.” 

He sat down next to you, and from the way he ran his fingers through your hair, and caressed your cheek, wiping the salty tears from it...You knew he knew.

He knew how devastated you felt. How those simple words that would mean nothing for many, truly wounded you. 

He knew how much you loved that boy, how as soon as your eyes laid on his little face that terrible night he lost his parents, you felt like he was going to be your son one day. 

He knew how much you’d sacrifice for that kid’s happiness, how far you’d go to keep him safe...And so, how hurtful him telling you you weren’t his real mother must’ve felt.  

There was no need for words. 

He knew what to do. He laid next to you, and you just cuddled up to him, letting him wrap you up in his warm embrace. 

He drew those same soothing circles on your back than he did on Dick’s. And whispered : 

“He didn’t mean it. He truly didn’t. He loves you, you know. I love you too.” 

You fell asleep to his words of love and reassurance, finally letting go after hours of not being able to sleep, reenacting the terrible scene in your head over and over again, making yourself feel worst each times. 

************

You woke up around 4 am, with Bruce’s arms wrapped around you.  

He was asleep and escaping his grasp (without Alfred’s help) took you a little bit..but you managed to leave without waking him up. 

He did groan a little at the loss of your warmth, and grabbed your pillow to hold it against his chest. Which was extremely cute, and oh how glad you were to be the only one to see this side of him. 

You went down to the kitchen and... 

Dick was coming from the other door, opposite to the one you took.

The kitchen had three access. Two doors facing each others, and one on the third wall. The door you took was because you got a little lost and did a detour through the drawing room. Dick, however, came from the door you should’ve come from too, which was the one you accessed from the West Wing third corridors, which was directly under your bedroom, and Dick’s. 

The boy probably stood up a little after you, and while you got lost in your own home (again), he took the normal way and...

Boom. Here you both were, arriving in the kitchen at the same time. 

There was a small silence. Awkward. And...

Your heart tightened. 

Dick was sort of cowering backward in fear. Fear of what ? 

Oh. But of course. 

“He didn’t mean it.” 

Bruce whispered to you many times, before you fell asleep. And the way Dick looked at you, worry in his eyes...He was thinking you were mad at him. And the regret in his pupils was as obvious as that fact. 

“Ice cream ?” 

You ask him. His eyes widen a bit, and you can almost see the gears in his brain trying to piece everything together. You’re...not mad at him ? 

Of course you’re not. You felt sad, and lost, and hurt, yes. But never did you feel any hint of anger. Of course not. 

You take out his favorite flavor from the freezer, and settle a bowl in front of one of the high stool around the counter. 

At that time, Dick was so tiny. A very short little bean. And he’d stay small for a long time, only having a sudden spurt when he was around fifteen. 

He climbed onto the stool, and watched you as you gave him some ice cream and a spoon, and then sat down next to him to eat some as well. 

The silent was slowly turning less awkward. 

Slowly, and unsurely, Dick picked his spoon up and looked at you. And completely missed his mouth, the ice cream spreading on his cheek instead. 

You turn around to look at him, ice cream on his cheek, and he’s clearly embarrassed, as a tint of color slowly rises on his face. 

You don’t really know why, but something snaps in you and you start laughing. And laughing. And laughing. 

Because honestly, the kid missing his mouth as he picked his spoon up full of ice cream, is kinda funny right ? And also, all the tension and stress you felt suddenly broke with this simple, silly thing. 

Unsure at first, Dick just looked at you. But your laughter quickly spread to him, and soon enough, you both were bursting out in laughter. 

Anyone not knowing what happened, would probably think you were both crazy, laughing that hard for no apparent reasons. 

Instinctually, you ruffle his hair and Dick gasps. You really weren’t mad at him ?!

You realized what you did, and slowly, both your laughter subsided. There was a small silence as Dick stared at you, and you stared back, and then : 

“I’m-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean it !” 

He says in a small voice, and he can’t add anything else as you just pick him up and hold him tight against your heart, and you say : 

“I know.” 

And it’s all he needs to realize you’re not really mad at him, and although he messed up and hurt you, right now, you were both on the path of recovery... 

Next morning, Bruce woke up alone in bed, which greatly distressed him as usual (he often woke up first). But a gut feeling was telling him that...

He found you asleep with Dick in his bed, holding him tightly. 

************

After that event, you sat down with him, so you could have a serious talk about the underlining issue this raised. Talk about something important. 

“Little bird, you know I love you, right ?” 

He nods, but still cannot speak quite yet, doesn’t have the energy to. 

“I want you to understand something. Something vital. Are you listening ?” 

He nods again, his eyes fixed on you. And he’s listening, oh he definitely is. 

“It’s ok to be angry. It’s ok to lash out. It’s ok to not be alright. It’s ok to make mistakes.” 

He nods, a little slower than before, and you can see his eyes slowly becoming wetter and wetter. 

“It’s ok. It really is. I’m here. And I love you. Even when you don’t want me around. Even when you push me away. I’m here. And I always will be. Ok ?” 

He nods one last time, unable to hold his tears, and then his little arms latch around you, and he refuses to let go for well over an hour...

Oh. Sweet, sweet boy. 

Your son. 

************

Even now, at age twenty seven, Dick still often think about this day. And the regrets are as burning as they were back then. 

He often thought about it. 

Whenever you did something for him, went out of your way to make him happy, or were just there for him, always...

He’d have a flashback of this day, and feel nothing but regret and anger at his younger self. 

And then you’d read him like an open book. Know exactly what he was thinking, and would slowly shake your head, and say : “I know I often said that, but I will say it till the day I die if I need to :  when you came into my life, you changed everything. And I love all of you little bird. Not just when you’re joking around and smiling. But also when you get angry, and lash out. You are my son. I love all of you. Even when you’re a little bit of a jerk.” and you’d wink at him, making him chuckle and feel a surge of affection toward you. 

Kind of like the ones you’d feel sometimes. A sudden urge to hug your family, to tell them what they mean to you. Both you and Dick understood since a long time that with the life you all lead, you never knew what could happen, and should never waste a “I love you” if you felt like saying it. 

Well, the apple never fall far from the tree ? 

Yes. Because you were his mom. And nothing would ever change his mind on that. Ever. 

JASON 

"Well Jason, you did it you idiot !” 

He says to himself in the mirror, and oh he could’ve punch himself if it was possible. He took his desk chair, and threw it across his bedroom, letting out a scream of frustration. 

He went to his desk, and threw everything that was on it on the floor. He then went to his book shelves and...

There. Your book. The one you wrote for him. 

Jason fell to his knee, holding his head in his hands, crying softly. 

Yes. Yes he did it...He ruined this one chance life gave him to have parents. 

He hurt one of the person that meant the most to him, one of the person he loved the most...His mom. You. 

Because you were his mom, no matter what he told you, in that moment of anger as you scolded him after he did something dangerous during one of his patrol. 

He hadn’t been allowed to go out for long, by then. And Bruce had already scolded him before for the very same thing, so when you did it too, he had enough and...it happened before he could think about it. 

He was angry, about the lack of trust and about the sermons, and his brain tried to hurt without even thinking about it. Triggered by years of living in the streets, where he had to think quick and act right away, and then suffer the consequences. If he wasn’t fast enough, it could be the end of him... 

A gut reaction triggered by years of being all on his own, having to fend for himself. His brain went into overdrive, “hurt” is what it set into motion. 

“You’re not my mom !” 

And that was it...

As he saw your face fell, and his father’s face turn angry, he knew. He knew he messed up. He messed everything up, as usual !

“Jason !” 

Bruce called, but Jason wasn’t about to stop. He ran out of the cave, right to his bedroom. Oh, oh but if only he stayed a little longer. He’d realize that his father wasn’t angry, just hurt as well. 

Hurt to see the woman he loved being hurt. 

Not angry. Ah but being in pain could sometimes look like you are mad ? And Bruce hadn't been able to hide his frown as he heard Jason’s words... 

“Let him be, Bruce.” 

You say in a weak voice. You knew Jason, you knew sometimes he needed to cool down on his own. That he could be impulsive, but always came around. 

Ah. But that time, he needed everything but to be alone. 

Because, as he thought he ruined his one chance at having a real family, he thought... 

“Better to leave before they throw me away !” 

He knew he could never bear to face you and Bruce, as you’d certainly tell him you were “un-adopting” him. Jason saw it happened before. Someone thinking their adopted kid was “too much”, and sending them back. 

It was awful, of course. But it happened. For real. And Jason knew that life could really suck...But her couldn’t bear to face you as you’d send him away. 

Worst, what if you just send Alfred and that was it ?

No. Jason would leave before you could do that. He couldn’t bear it. He couldn’t. 

Filling his backpack with some clothes, and snacks, he opened his window and slid down the gutter all the way to the ground, and then ran away into the night. Tears trailing down behind him, as he left behind the one place in which he ever felt safe, warm, and loved. 

In the meantime, you and Bruce were unaware of that, and slowly falling asleep in each others’ arms... As usual, Bruce was there for you. 

************

“Jason ? I thought I wouldn’t see you anymore after you got adopted by dem fancy fellas. Are you here to get some work ?” 

“No.” 

“Really, why did you come then ?” 

“I didn’t, I’m just passing by.” 

“Nah, don’t believe it. Once a bad boy, always a bad boy !” 

“TAKE IT BACK !” 

As he ran away, Jason went back to a place he thought he never would need to. A few intricate alleys, in the Bowery, under the main city. 

The Bowery, a filthy underground neighborhood, hell on Earth for many. Although things did improve when Batman started his work a few years back. 

“Wow there tiger, relax.” 

Jason came in this specific area for only one thing. Retrieve a few items he left behind, thinking he would never need it again because he was leaving behind this life. 

He had a hideout, not far. In which he hid some materials to survive in the streets. He thought he probably had to go back to stealing cars’ tires...Although maybe he should change it. Thinking of what happened last time he did this hurt his heart. 

He knew that next time he’d get caught stealing tires, the person wouldn’t end up adopting him...Anyway, he didn’t want any other parents but you and Bruce. 

And he messed that up so bad, by being so mean to you ! 

“Listen, it’s not because you got all fancy schmancy that you can talk to me like that. Remember who’s boss in this part of town.” 

Batman did a lot of good to the city, but also, by getting rid of some big players in the “crime business”, he allowed small time thugs to climb up the ladders...It felt, at times, like there always was someone to replace whoever Bruce just put behind bars... 

The man who was talking to Jason, used to be a small time criminal. Turned boss, when the Batman kept arresting all the people above him. Jason used to “work” for him, bringing him watches or jewelry that he’d exchange against cash. 

Damn. He never thought he’d ever see him again... Oh and he definitely didn’t think this through. 

As the new boss, who’s name was Johnny Clancy, told him that he’d forever be a “bad boy”, Jason saw red and...getting mad at a crime boss was a bad idea. 

Before he could even think about an escape plan, Jason was surrounded by dangerous armed men. 

“How dare you talk to me like that ? Mmm. The Waynes adopted you right ? Mmm. They’re loaded. Probably would pay a fortune to get you back uh ? And to think they’re gonna give me a lot of cash to get a little runaway brat back haha. Because that’s what you did right ? You ran away ? As you always did before mm ? You know, I observed you Jason Todd. I saw you run away from anyone getting close. I saw you.” 

Jason’s heart didn’t need anyone to push and squiggle the knife he felt in around some more. He had just lost his family. Did he need more reminder that he always fucked up ?! 

“They won’t give you any money, they don’t want me anymore...” 

But Johnny didn’t believe him, of course. He told two of his thugs to grab the boy, but Jason, by instinct, dropped them to the floor with a few well placed kicks and punches. 

And that was enough to unleash Johnny Clancy’s wrath.

See, he was a new boss. He had to assert dominance. And an eight years old kid making a fool of him and his gang ? That wouldn’t go. 

So what if he had to off a child ? Anything to keep climbing up, and leave the Bowery’s slums. 

************

“Have you seen Jason ?” 

Bruce asks you, a few hours after your fight with him. 

“What ? No, I thought he was with you ?”

“No, he skipped his training and I thought he might be with you, apologizing for what he said yesterday ? You know, sounds like something he would do.” 

“I haven’t seen him since, you know. I thought he was avoiding me...” 

“He would never.” 

“Bruce...” 

“He would never, my love. I know what he said hurt you, but I’m sure he’s regretting it right now. You should go see him, he’s probably sulking in his bedroom. I wouldn’t be surprised if you meet him up the stairs as he comes down to say sorry.” 

“Bruce...” 

Your husband comes to you, and takes your hands in his. 

“You know him. He’s impulsive, and a little abrasive sometimes. But he’s a sweet child. And he regrets his bursts, you know it. Tonight was just tough, we both scolded him, he’s not used to it.” 

“You’re right.” 

“Of course I am, I’m-”

“I swear to God if you say “I’m Batman” I’m going to smack you.” 

Bruce smiles softly at you, glad he managed to at least made the tension go away a little. He pecks your lips quickly, and watches you as you leave to go to your son’s bedroom. 

He was about to go down the Batcave, when you came back, panicked : 

“He’s gone ! Jason’s gone !” 

Ah. Bruce knew that placing a tracker in his children’s molars was a good idea. 

************

“HOW HARD IS IT TO CATCH A FUCKING KID ?!” 

Jason runs as fast as he can, without looking back. He managed to break the line of thugs coming at him, and escape in-between to of them who didn’t pull their guns out quite yet. 

They were shooting at him. With no hesitation. 

Johnny was set on proving he was an unscrupulous boss. To earn everyone’s respect. So what if he had to shoot a kid ? It’d send everyone a message. He’d back off from nothing ! 

Jason turned in an alley and...Damn it ! He must’ve taken a wrong turn at some point, it had been a while, since he roamed the Bowery’s alleyways...

He was faced by a wall, stuck. And they quickly caught up to him. 

“Wooouh, you’re fast kid. And you’re sneaky. Too bad you’re such a brat, I bet you could be a nice addition to our-”

Johnny Clancy never finished his sentence. In fact, he never could properly speak after that night. After getting his jaw broken into a thousand pieces by the Batman’s fist. 

Bruce had come down from nowhere, with...you in his arms ?! 

This was the first time Jason saw you wear the costume he saw a few times in the Batcave. He thought you wore it only to go to the JLA’s watchtower, to hide your identity. Not that you could actually...fight ?! 

And wow, you definitely could hold your own ! You made a few disarming pass, taking the guns away from all the men before they could even react, and letting Bruce finish them off with well placed kicks and punches. 

Oh and that night, the Batman unleashed his rage and unforgiveness full force. How dare they touch his son ?! 

You didn’t have anything to envy from your husband either, however, as you worked through Johnny’s gang rather fast too. 

That night, the both of you exterminated (figure of speech, of course, neither of you ever killed, that was the one big rule...but there were never a rule against breaking a few bones) Johnny Clancy’s gang, who dared to even think of hurting your precious son. 

Jason, holding his backpack tight against him, couldn’t believe his eyes. You two came to save him ? But...why ? 

He messed up. You’d surely not want him around anymore ! 

Once Bruce dropped the last man, you rushed to Jason and before he could utter a sound, took him in your arms. 

“Oh my god, I’m so glad you’re safe baby, I’m so glad you’re...” 

Your voice broke at the end, and you chocked, the emotions too strong and squeezing your throat. 

Jason didn’t understand. And through his surprise, he managed to say : 

“I thought-I thought you’d never want to see me again, and that you wouldn’t want to be my mom anymore.” 

You hold him even tighter, as you feel Bruce get down on his knee and bring the both of you in his arms. 

“Oh sweety, never. Never.” 

You say, not letting go. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry...” 

Your son manage to choke out, before sobbing profusely and holding on to you and Bruce. 

“I’m just glad you’re safe...it’s ok, it’s ok it’s already forgotten...” 

And it was. As soon as you saw that Jason-That your SON, was missing, you forgot he ever told you “you’re not my mom”. You forgot and it truly didn’t matter anymore, as all you cared about was to find him, and make sure he was safe. 

“Jason, oh my little Jason, I’m so glad you’re safe...”

Wether it is a conscious things or not, he returns your embrace fiercely, holding tightly as he looks up at you. It almost feels like he wants to make sure you really are there. And won’t go anywhere. Like everyone else did in his life. 

Jason was tired of losing those close to him. Those he cared about. Sometimes, he’d push them away, by fear of getting attached again just for life to rip them away from him. So he held onto you, as you held him back. 

Tightly against your heart. 

“Mom...” 

This was the day Jason Todd realized something very important : He wasn’t alone anymore. He had parents who loved him, and he loved them back. 

So much. 

And they’d never let him go. Never. 

************

Years later, this love he had for you and Bruce, turned out to be the very reason he became “Red Hood”. 

From that day he told you : “you’re not my real mom !”, he felt like he belonged. Like finally, the people he loved loved him back. Like he was cherished. And then Bruce didn’t avenge him. He let Joker get away. And you let him do it. You, the people he trusted and loved most in the world, betrayed him...

He felt like he wasn’t worth it. He wasn’t worth Bruce breaking his one rule to avenge him. He wasn’t worth it...He didn’t matter enough. 

Jason felt so angry. For years. He wanted to hurt you, to hurt Bruce. To show you what it felt like. What HE felt like. 

But Jason has always been a strong one. You knew it. You told him enough times : “you’re a fighter, my Jason. You went through so much, and always came out of it. You lost a lot on the way my little one, but you never give up. You never give up...” 

You never give up. 

Love. 

It’s what drove him to become the Red Hood. It’s what drove him over the edge. What gave him so much pain. 

Rather, the feeling of not being loved. The thought all you and Bruce said to him, about how much you cared and loved him, was a lie. 

Yes. The thought that you lied about loving him, is what broke him. What made him find every way possible to truly, truly hurt you two.

You never give up. 

He was so angry. But he never could quite give up on his family...that’s why he didn’t stay with the Al’ghuls. That why they didn’t keep him. 

He could never forget you and Bruce. Move on. 

He could never. 

Jason was a strong lad. Strong enough to see past his hate and need of revenge. His pain. His deep trauma. 

It took a while. But the change came from him. He’s the one that gave you another chance. And it allowed him to realize...nothing was a lie.

And you got your son back.

Because you showed him. You showed him nothing was a lie.

When his dad never gave up on him even as he killed more and more people, and even as Jason saw him completely erase people who used to be close from him as soon as they killed once. When you refused to let him go. When Bruce kept going back, even as he knew Jason would fight him and try to hurt him. When you pleaded with him, even when you knew his answer would be the same... 

Jason never gave up. 

But you didn’t either. 

“You’re not my mom”, are words he never meant. Not even once. Not even when he was the “old” Red Hood, the one that killed mercilessly any criminals, and that was trying to be exactly what Batman wasn’t. 

“You’re not my mom”, even at his worst, at a time he suffered greatly, Jason never meant it. He never did. 

And ultimately, it’s this filial love, and the love you and Bruce had for him, that brought him back out of the dark pit the Joker pushed him in...

TIM 

Tim knew that his overly pragmatic mind sometimes could make him sound tactless. That he had trouble, sometimes, expressing himself properly. 

He knew that what he said, although it could be the factual truth, could be perceived as not being very nice... 

He knew, yet sometimes, he couldn’t help himself. 

“But you’re not my mom.” 

He told you that day, as you asked when was the “mother/child day” at school. 

Tim’s school had a day each year, during which every mother would come and do different activities with their kids. You did it with Dick and Jason, and it was always great fun, and amazing bonding time. 

By then, Tim had been with you and Bruce for over a year now. And he did, see you as his mom. However, he was a little too set, at the time, on rules and specifics. In the “mother/child day” rulebook, it “specifically” said that the actual child’s mother had to come, not the nanny or anyone else. 

In Tim’s mind, although he did see you as his mom, he thought the school wouldn’t. For him, the way the rules were written, were clearly stating his birth mother had to come. And the official adoption papers were not processed yet. Those took quite a while. 

He had been living with you for over a year. He called you and Bruce “mom and dad”. He truly considered you two his parents. But the official papers were not done quite yet. So to him, in the eye of the law (be it a silly school rule), you weren’t his mom quite yet. 

So when he said : “but you’re not my mom”, that’s what he meant. Of course, you misunderstood...

How could you guess that Tim was thinking that only his “birth mother” could take him, because officially right now he didn’t have a mom, just “guardians”...

His mother was dead. Has been dead for a while, now. And even if she wasn’t, Tim knew she’d never come at this event...She wasn’t the caring type of mother. Not like you. Which is why it really bummed him out that those rules were so clearly stated like that !

What Tim misunderstood, is that this specific rule had been added to the rulebook because many family would send their nanny, or a big sister, instead of the mom. Because Tim was of course in Gotham’s Academy, full of rich families, in which the moms were very busy...

Which is why such a day existed. Some kids spend quality times with their mom only on this school day. Nowadays, everyone made an effort to come (the fact you appeared, the famed (Y/N) Wayne, a few years back, with Dick, and it made all the papers’ headlines, might’ve influenced others to participate too).

To tell the truth, Tim was very disappointed that you couldn’t go with him, and was considering asking the principle of the school to do an exception to the rule and allow you to go with him.  

He was already fomenting a plan in his head to convince the headmaster to let you come as his mom, and as usual when he was planning things out, he completely disconnected from reality. 

And therefor, didn’t see how your face “closed”, and your eyes turned sad. The boy was typing away on his computer, as if nothing had just happened, as if you didn’t feel your world crumble as he flat out told you you weren’t his mom...

Of course, it was all a misunderstanding. He meant it as “officially”. Not about his actual feelings. 

For some reason, the way he said it so nonchalantly hurts you more than when Dick and Jason yelled at you that you “weren't their mom”. Because at least, in your eldests’ cases, you knew it was in the heat of the moment. 

That it was because they felt frustrated and sad. 

But Tim just told you : “But you’re not my mom.” matter of factly, and moved on. And it hurt. 

It hurt so much, because that boy...You loved that boy, of course. And considered him your son for sure. Part of your heart, now. Part of your family. And he felt so far, right now...so far... 

You left the room and he didn’t even notice. 

Did he really not see you as his mom ? Was he just calling you “mom” to imitate his brothers ? ...You didn’t know, but it hurt. 

It hurt so much. 

************

You found Bruce in his office, doing some paperworks for Wayne Inc. When he saw your face, he immediately smiled, your presence lighting his whole world...But then he saw your expression, and he frowned. 

“What happened ?” 

************

“Mom ? MooOOooom ?” 

Tim had been looking for you for the past hour, but wasn’t able to find you. You weren't in all your favorite places ! Did you leave the Manor without telling him ? It was unlike you. 

Finally, he found you. You were in a room that was rarely used, but which was conveniently close to Bruce’s office, and had a couch. 

Laying on top of your husband, you were fast asleep as Bruce was going through his paperworks, letting you holding onto his waist as he kept working. 

When he saw the boy come in the room, he smiled at him. And it was hard, not to smile at Tim, seeing his own big wide smile. 

Tim was missing a few teeth, that fell not long ago, and it was absolutely the cutest, when he smiled widely. He looked so happy, eyes sparkly and genuine smile. It felt wrong to Bruce, to think that this sweet boy didn’t see you as his mom...

Maybe it was all a misunderstanding ? Wouldn’t be the first time. Although, Bruce knew how sometimes Tim could be brutally honest, and say the facts in a matter of factly way that could be very harsh on the uninitiated. 

Your son was holding a cardboard sheet almost as big as him, and looked very excited about something. He slowly approached you two, and said, whispering, yet the excitement was clear in his voice : 

“Has she been asleep for long, dad ?!” 

He called Bruce dad. Without an hesitation. And it felt so genuine. Like he was relishing in the word rolling off of his tongue. And it was often the case, with Tim. His parents, when they were still alive, never really noticed his presence... 

And sometimes, it could be even worst to have parents who acted as if you didn’t exist, than caring parents who passed away. Bruce realized this. 

“No, she just closed her eyes.” 

Bruce answers, looking at you. And oh he couldn’t possibly know how soft his expressions as as he gazed at your sleeping face. 

“Oh...” 

Tim was clearly disappointed. His shoulders fell down, and he looked on the floor, looking defeated.

“What is it, champ ?” 

“Well, I wanted her to-Oh ! Mom !” 

The rumbling of your husband’s chest as he spoke is what woke you up. Not the actual sound of their voices, just that low vibrations reverberating in his chest. 

You opened one eye, then the second, and was greeted by your youngest son’s face being very close to you. As Tim saw you were waking up, he kneeled down next to the couch, settling his piece of cardboard next to him, and approached you very closely. 

His smile and sweet expression filled your vision. And you felt even more hurt, as you saw him so happy to see you, to know he didn’t really think you were his mom. 

It was clear he cared for you. And loved you, and being with you. But to him...You weren’t his mom. And that was so painful. 

“I got a plan mom, I got a plan !” 

A...Plan ? For what ? You don’t even have time to ask him, and, still a little hazy as you just woke up from a short nap (that you took after crying exhausted you), you raise a little from your husband. 

You exchange a curious look with him, as you see Tim spring to his feet and get a hold of the piece of cardboard that is almost as tall and large as him. 

He turns it around and...

Your heart drops. 

It’s a lot of very detailed drawings, maps and words about...about...

“This is how we’re going to convince the headmaster of my school that you’re really my mom, even if officially you’re not yet !! I thought we could start with logic first, and then go down the path of pathos if he really doesn’t change his mind !” 

What ? Your brain is trying really hard to comprehend what’s happening, although it is starting to put two and two together. 

“The rules say that the mom HAS to be the one who comes, and the way they wrote it suggest that they wouldn’t accept someone who isn’t yet official. But I think we could convince that, in our heart, we’re already an official family, right ?!” 

Tim looks at you, and then at his dad, a little worry in his eyes (what if for them, he wasn’t their son yet because the paperworks weren’t finished and officials quite yet ?!?!). Bruce cannot help but smile, and nods, feeling his heart melt (a rare occurrence). 

And you. You have exactly the reaction he expected you’d have. You sit up, put the cardboard aside, and drag your son into a tight hug that makes him giggle and exclaim : 

“Hahaha mom wait I can’t breaaaathe !! Mom !!” 

But he hugs you back, knowing that this means yes, you do consider him your son already, paperworks or not, and you will probably follow his plan to convince the school to-

“Mom ? Why are you crying ? Mom ?” 

You can’t explain it to him. You feel silly, but also so emotional and touched. You thought he didn’t think of you as his mom. But he did. Oh he did, and was actually worried about technicalities of rules and...So sweet. That boy is so sweet. 

Carefully, Tim dries your tears, and look curiously at his dad, his eyes clearly asking : “Did I do something wrong ?”

You’re still unable to speak, as you hold onto him, and Bruce ruffles his son’s hair saying : 

“She’s just too happy, champ. She’s just too happy.” 

CASSANDRA

"You, not my mom !” 

She screamed. You never heard Cass raised her voice before. And yet, here, she screamed at you. And then closed her bedroom door right on your nose. 

And you felt it in your heart. That specific pain that you wished you’d never feel again. That kind of hurt you wished you’d never feel ever again. 

It happened just liked it did with Dick and Jason. You were “lecturing” her about putting herself in needless danger, and she felt frustrated at the fact you “didn’t trust her”. 

It wasn’t true of course. You did trust her. And you knew she could hold her own. Didn’t mean you wouldn’t worry, and scold her if she really scared you... 

It was pure instinct. You couldn’t stop yourself from telling them off when you felt they went too far. You did it with Bruce too. 

Once, he threw himself in the way of a bullet to save you, and once he recovered enough...Oh you were so mad at him. 

It’s not that you wanted to take that bullet, of course. You knew it was also instinct that made him move to save you. But in truth, you would rather take a thousand bullet than lose any of them. Bruce, or your children. 

And sometimes, it was hard for them to understand this. To get why you were so worried, when you accepted fully their night activities. 

Why you monitored the batcomputer, if it was to scold them when they put themselves in danger ? 

Ah but they didn’t understand that you only got “mad” when they put themselves in NEEDLESS danger. Pushing themselves too far that one night, being careless with something, ignoring their own safety to finish a task... 

You couldn’t help but be afraid. And your fear turned into you scolding them. And sometimes, on each sides, things boiled and...

“You, not my mom !” 

The meaning was clear. As Cass slammed her door right in your face, you knew not to push it further, not to tell her anything more. 

Maybe you should’ve ? Should’ve open her door, and continue lecturing her so she’d understand her life was valuable ? 

Cass put herself in danger more than any other member of your family, because she was raised as a weapon and thought of herself as an “expendable”. You weren’t mad at her for this, of course not (but oh, David Cain probably should never cross your path, it wasn’t pretty, when you were truly angry). 

You were just worried. And unfortunately, being a parent was complicated and sometimes, your worry turned a little overbearing for your kids. 

This was a mistake every normal caring parents made. Wanting what was best for their children, sometimes not realizing they’re going too far. And you ? Your family wasn’t normal. 

Your children were vigilantes. Your worries were tuned up to the max.  

Being a parent was hard. And sometimes, both you and your kids were frustrated. It happened. In any family. 

It was resolved rather fast, most of the time. A little conversation, understanding and indulgence, and boom. Sorted. 

However, there were times when things would go a little too far. Wether because one of you was tired, or didn’t feel well etc etc...

Tonight, was such a time. 

“You, not my mom !” 

Cass didn’t even register what she said. She was just mad and frustrated, and said the first thing that came into her mind. Her hand slammed the door shut before she could even think about it. 

And here you were. In the corridor. In front of your daughter’s door. 

Hurt. And feeling as devastated as you did when her brothers told you the same thing. You would think, after a few times of this happening, it’d be easier, right ? Well. No. It wasn’t. It really wasn’t. 

As usual in those instances, you went to seek comfort in the arms of your husband. 

************

Cassandra didn’t feel ok. 

In fact, she felt absolutely terrible. 

She couldn’t even remember the last time she felt that bad. 

When she went to look for you and apologize for her behavior, she found you in her dad’s arms, crying, and it made her run away...

She couldn’t face you, knowing she truly hurt you like that. 

The worst thing is, she knew she would hurt you by saying those words. Yet she still did it. It was as if she couldn’t control herself. It was like an ugly force took over her, and made her say those words. 

But she knew. She knew she’s the one who ultimately decided to say them. She’s the one that pronounced them. Under the anger. 

Anger. 

The ugly force. 

She turned around in her bed, holding onto the plush toy you gave her shortly after her arrival. You said “every child should have one” and that this one made you think of her. 

It was a fox with bright colors. And it still smelled like you. 

She was about to fall asleep, when she heard a knock on her door. 

“Can we come in ?” 

It was her older brothers. 

Dick, Jason and Tim. 

It was rare, to have them all in the same place nowadays, what with how busy they all were. Dick with Bludhäven, Jason with the gods only knew what really (the gods, and you and Bruce...but sshhh, that’s a secret), and Tim with college applications. 

So Cass immediately understood that they heard about the fight she had with their mom. 

And she felt a rush of shame come over her. She felt sad too, because maybe they’d be mad at her ?

Cassandra didn’t think she could bear to break your heart, and have her precious brothers mad at her all in the same day. 

She almost told them to leave. But she didn’t have the strength. 

They surrounded her, and their presence was so...soothing. 

And then they spoke. They each told her the story of the time they told their mom those few dreaded words. 

“You’re not my real mom !” 

They told her how awful they felt, and how they knew they hurt their mom. They told her that...well, they did have the best mom ever. 

You never held any grudge. Ever. Especially not against your own family. 

You never even mentioned again the fact they told you this awful thing, you never even mentioned once this, under any circumstances. 

Her brothers stayed with her for hours, talking about their feelings on the matter. Telling her it happened. That everyone wasn’t always on their best behavior...

It was hard, for Cass, to not be “good”. She did so many awful things when her biological father raised her to be a weapon, she felt like she had to catch up so much on those years of “badness”. 

She often felt like she was evil, and could never caught up to everything. Like she was doomed, and could never become good. 

On that, Jason told her she was wrong. That everyone could change, and no one was born truly evil. Environment, and the way you’re raised, matter. And what she did...wasn’t her fault. She was forced to. If she really enjoyed doing this she’d never become a Batgirl. She would never be part of this family. 

She often felt like she was a bad daughter. 

On that, Dick told her she was wrong. He too, felt like a bad son, when he “replaced” his parents with you and Bruce. He too, felt like a bad son when he would get so mad while you would do anything to make him happy. He too, felt like a bad son...on so many occasions. But he grew. And thanks to you mainly, he realized he was just human. Mistakes are human. And it’s not being a bad son, to sometimes feel so hurt that you lash out. That your trauma are so strong, things sometimes are tough. 

She often felt like she couldn’t fit in, and would never fit in. 

On that, Tim told her she was wrong. Him too, felt too different. He already had parents, they were alive, he just wanted to help, he didn’t have any friends...But in this family. In this family, everyone fitted in. Because you made it so. Bruce made it saw. You both accepted any flaws, and differences your kids might have. You loved them unconditionally, they all knew that by now. 

And Cass...Cass didn’t want to hurt you. 

They knew that, too.

It was an accident. In the heat of the moment. She didn’t mean it. Of course, you are her mom. Of course...

It felt good, to have her brothers there for her, when you couldn’t be. 

************

Later that night, after her brothers left, Cass slowly exits her room and take the known way to yours and Bruce’s. 

You are both there, and she knows her dad stayed because you felt bad. He always stayed with you, when you were feeling down. And vice versa.

Cass always told herself that, later, if she ever found a significant other, she’d want her and them to have the same kind of relationships than you. You and Bruce set up a rather high standard for whoever would come into her life. 

But that was another story. For now, she was opening the door slowly, scared of waking you up. But you were awake. 

Bruce was asleep, deeply. As usual when he felt your warmth against him. But you were not. Cass could see you slowly and absentmindedly caress your husband’s hair. It was soothing to both of you. His silky smooth dark hair were soft in between your fingers, and helped you get your mind off of the pain and focus on the sensation, while for him...Well, it put him asleep, when you did that. 

The door creaked a little, and you abruptly turned your head towards it, ready to fight and...You instantly recognize your daughter, even in the dark of the room. 

She doesn’t need to talk. You manage to roll over Bruce, who then by instinct roll too, and therefor you create a little spot for your daughter to climb in bed with you. 

You turn around in Bruce’s arms, and slowly wrap them around your middle, instead of your shoulders. You turn towards Cass, your back against Bruce’s chest, and tap the small spot you managed to create next to you. 

Cass understands, and climbs in, facing you. She lays her head on her arms, as you do the same. And then she mouthes : 

“Sorry mom...” 

And that’s all you needed. You gesture for your daughter to cuddle up close, and she does. By instinct, Bruce lets go one arm off of you, and grabs his kid to bring her closer. He is still asleep, but it wouldn’t surprise anyone that his subconscious holds onto the two most important women in his life like so. 

And there she is. Cass feels safe. And warm. And she hears your heart beat softly. And she knows it partly beats for her. 

And partly for Bruce. And partly for Dick. And partly for Jason. And Tim. And Damian. And Duke. And Alfred. 

It beats for your family. 

For her family.

Family. 

She has a family. 

And you are her mom. 

Her biological father never hugged her, never told her everything was going to be alright, never... 

Cass never felt safe and warm. 

Like she did, right now, held by both you and Bruce. 

“Family...”

She whispers, as she slowly falls asleep. And you’re the only mom she ever wants to have. You are, her real mom. Always have been, always will be. 

DAMIAN 

Damian didn’t really think this was a big deal, at first. 

Just like his father, he often made the mistake to think that people around him will simply understand his true meaning. 

When he told you : “You’re not even my real mom !”, he obviously didn’t mean it. He was angry because you told him he couldn’t go out on patrol for a few days, as he was grounded for skipping school and going to work on cases instead. 

“But school is boring, I already know everything ??” 

“It’s the principle of it, Damian. You can’t just do what you want whenever you want, this is not how it works. I don’t feel like we’re extremely strict parents, so when you betray our trusts like that, it has consequences.”

Bruce kept out of the argument, ready to jump in however if you needed him to affirm  that yes, actions have consequences and although you two are pretty lax with your son on many fronts, he still has to listen. You and Bruce made clear rules when you first adopted Dick, because you realized your lifestyle was anything but normal, but it didn’t mean your children could just do anything they wanted. 

Neither of you wanted them to turn into privileged little brats. Or to think they were above everything. And you were right, by skipping school so much, and lying about it, Damian did betray your trust. 

Understanding actions had consequences was a big step that took a while, with Damian. Unfortunately, he grew up in an environment that indeed taught him he could do whatever he wanted, no matter if he hurt people on the way... 

Unlearning all this, was tough. And you understood that. Which is why you let things go a lot, with him, and only slowly told him about things. Gradually teaching him about your values and principles. 

However sometimes, like in this case, you needed to be firm and strict, because otherwise he’d just keep doing it knowing it had no bad consequences, and you didn’t want him to simply not go to school anymore...School was important for his social development, you realized it as he made friends and...

And simply, an eleven years old kid couldn’t just roam around all day as he saw fit. That’s it. And so here you were, trying to explain this to him. And that’s when he said it. 

He scrunched up his nose like he always did when he was angry, and then, turning his head away from you, throwing his Robin boots at the back of the cave. 

“You can’t tell me what to do, you’re not even my real mom !” 

And then he bolted out of the Batcave, leaving you behind, with a broken heart and feeling guilty...What if he hates you, because you were too harsh on him ? 

Bruce, that night, did not go out on patrol either, and stayed with you. Of course, he did. 

************

The fact he still listened to you and didn’t go out, made him thought you knew he was just angry and didn’t mean a word of it. 

To him, it was so obvious he thought of you as his mom, and that he said this just because he wanted to have the last word, that he honestly didn’t think much of it. 

Sure he was frustrated and angry, just like any kid was when their parents said : “no” to them. But he didn't mean it... 

He didn’t really see you of the entire day. Finally, he decided to go see his father to ask him what was up. 

“Father ?”

“Yes ?”

“Is-is mom ok ?”

“Well, what do you think ?” 

“She doesn’t seem ok.” 

“Do you know why ?” 

“Did you do something to upset her ?” 

Normally, Bruce would feel vex at this statement. What, did he really do things to upset you that often ? Yes and now. Sometimes,  he would get on your nerve, and vice versa. It happened, in relationships.

But it was never anything major. Not anymore at least. Because now, when he had his “dark days” and could be a total jerk, you knew how to handle him. You knew not to take his bullshit. 

Yes. Normally, Bruce would pout like a child, at the fact his son thought that his mom was feeling down because of him. But not today. No. 

Because he knew that what made you sad, was something important.

Unfortunately, Damian inherited from him his bad habit of thinking others will understand his meaning. 

Like, when he tried to push you away at first so you wouldn't get involved in his crazy life, what he really wanted was for you to get closer...Or when he told you that he was fine at times, all he wanted was for you to hold him and take care of him etc etc...The first time he told you “I love you”, wasn’t with words, but by not going on patrol one night, to stay with you. And he thought you’d immediately understand that he truly loved you...Truth was, it wasn’t as obvious to you (or anyone really) than it was for him. 

And Damian had the same problem. Doing things that he thought would obviously tell his meaning, his real feelings, when really...No one but him would get it. 

Although you became quite good at deciphering your husband’s true intentions, you could still misinterpret things sometimes. 

And yesterday night, when you grounded your son and tried to teach him a life lesson...You definitely didn’t see that he didn’t mean what he said and just wanted the last word. For you, he was seriously meaning it. And that’s why you were avoiding him a little, because it was too hard to...to... 

Damian’s words truly hurt you. You often were scared he could never see you as his mom (even if he did call you mom now and clearly cared for you) because of how he grew up. You’d never give up on him, of course, but it didn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt when he pushed you away or pretended to not care... 

Damian thought it was obvious, that his actions actually reflected how much you meant to him. That without you, he’d be lost and honestly wouldn’t want to live in a world where you weren’t. 

But it wasn’t obvious. 

Bruce sighed, and then smiled : 

“Since when is she acting odd ?” 

“This morning. She didn’t kiss me goodbye when she went to work !”

It felt like such a serious issue to your boy, in that instant, that Bruce wished you were there to see his reaction. You’d instantly know he didn’t mean it, when he said you weren’t his mom... 

But you couldn’t quite face him. You didn’t really avoid him or try to hurt him by not saying goodbye. Of course not, you were an adult, and you definitely knew that doing to others what was done to you is pointless, and mean. And why hurt someone the same way they hurt you ? You’re no better than them uh... 

“Can you think of anything that might’ve upset her ?” 

“I spilled my milk a little, but cleaned it after. I didn’t let Alfred do it like last time. I woke up a minute late, too. Jason hasn’t called in two days, but he was there yesterday afternoon. Dick said she messed up her pumpkin soup but he was just joking and she knows. Tim fell asleep at the breakfast table. You clinging to her this morning apparently made her late, I heard Alfred say it. Um...Cass um...Cass didn’t do anything bad really...None of those things sound like it would upset her though ! She really looked sad this morning, not like herself at all !” 

Bruce couldn’t help but smile. It was pretty cute, how Damian often acted as if he didn’t care about anything, yet no details would ever go past him. Especially not when it came to his family. He always noticed, when one of them felt down in any way, and tried to help (in his own way). 

Hell, he probably woke Tim up and told him to sleep more and take care of himself. Called Jason and told him to call his mom. Scolded Dick to not make this kind of jokes again. 

This was just the Damian that was privy only to them. A sweet child, who unfortunately often had trouble expressing his true feelings. 

Just like his father. 

Damian would often brag about his siblings, and how awesome they were, to his friends (notably to Jon, who didn’t have any siblings). But he’d never tell them right in front of their face. 

Bruce tried to help Damian see what was wrong, and said : 

“What about last night ?” 

“Ugh ? What about last n-OH !” 

Damian replayed the events in his head, and remembered his anger and frustration. But most importantly...What he told his mom. 

“I have to find mom ! Where is she ?!” 

Damian looked absolutely panicked, which was quite unlike him. Bruce answered : 

“She’s at work, she had a meeting with her editor. She should be back soon, though.” 

And on that note, Damian ran out to do god knew what, as Bruce shook his head and...Well, he just knew things would turn out alright. 

************

Alfred almost fainted, when he saw Damian tear off his beautiful flowers from his garden. He almost ran out, and had a very “get off my lawn !” moment...up until he realized that the boy was probably doing this for a reason. 

Oh. Oh his poor lilies.  

Hopefully, this really was for a good reason. A very good one. One so good, that it would stop him from strangling his grandkid, hopefully...

************

When you came home, Damian was waiting for you at the front door. He had a bunch of lilies in his hands (that you were pretty sure were from Alfred’s precious garden) and he looked absolutely frantic. 

He ran to you, almost threw the flowers in your arms, and yelled : 

“I’M SORRY I DIDN’T MEAN IT !! YOU ARE MY REAL MOM ! I WAS JUST ANGRY ! I’M SORRY !!” 

You were a little confused as to why he was yelling, but before you could continue he took a drawing out of his pocket and added : 

“THIS IS A DRAWING OF YOU ! I MADE IT FOR YOU !! YOU ARE MY MOM ! YOU REALLY ARE ! PLEASE FORGIVE ME !! I’M SORRY !! DO NOT BE MAD AT ME !!” 

Still confused as to why he was screaming, you bend down to look at him eye level, settled the flowers on the floor, and said : 

“It’s ok Damian. It’s ok. We all get frustrated sometimes...I won’t lie and say it didn’t hurt, but it’s ok. It happens.” 

Damian’s face showed great relief, and he leaped into your arms, yelling : 

“I LOVE YOU !!” 

You winced as he screamed in your ear, and said : 

“Why are you yelling, little one ?” 

Damian took a step back from you and said : 

“BECAUSE I HAVE TROUBLE EXPRESSING MYSELF AND JASON TOLD ME THAT SAYING THINGS IN AN AGGRESSIVE WAY MIGHT HELP !! AND HE’S RIGHT !! I LOVE YOU !!”

Damian told you he loved you before, in certain moments. When he got really hurt, when you were really hurt, if he felt really sad...It was always a moment full of emotions. And it was still rather hard for him to say the words. 

It didn’t really surprise you that Jason would have such a technique. Yelling his feelings. Yep. Sounds like him alright. And it did seem like it worked for his little brother too. 

Only you and your close family would know, because you were the only ones to truly know him, but those two were more similar than others would think. And it wasn’t because they already killed before. Oh no. On the contrary. 

“I love you too, my little one...” 

You say, as he goes back for another hug, clearly relieved you’re not mad at him. From this day on, he swore to himself that he would really try to tell others’ what he truly felt, even if it meant yelling it at them. Because other wise...otherwise it’d create this sort of terrible situations, in which his mom thought he didn’t think of her as his mom ! 

He couldn’t have it, anymore. Many “I LOVE YOU !!” were heard in the Manor, from that point on. 

DUKE 

“You know you can tell me anything, right ?” 

Duke doesn’t know why this time, this made him snap. 

Today was the anniversary of when his parents got “jokerize”, it had been two years already...And not one step closer to cure them ! He was so frustrated, sad, and lost. And you noticed. 

Duke tend to try to keep things inside. Not that he didn’t want to bother anyone, more like he just thought he HAD to handle things himself. Like it would make him stronger, and therefor, he could protect those he cares about. 

He could protect them, unlike when he could do nothing but watch as his parents fell into madness...He couldn’t bear the thought of this happening to you, Bruce, or any member of this family ! Not again. 

He couldn’t bear it...

“You’re not even my mom ! Stop acting like you are !” 

Are the words he heard himself scream at you as you asked him if everything was ok, and if he needed to talk. As you were caring, once again, and he just couldn’t...he couldn’t stand it ! Not today.

Not today. 

He immediately saw on your face the way you shut down, and took one step behind. The way your face “closed”, and as you said : “I understand.” and left the room, your body stiff and your face inexpressive (which was very unlike you), Duke felt it. 

The guilt. 

Right away.

When those dreaded words were said by all your other kids, they were young. They were all under the age of ten, and the immediate consequences of their actions didn’t truly registered. 

But Duke. 

Duke was almost eighteen. And he knew. He knew he hurt you. 

He felt the need to run after you and apologized, but there was something stopping him. 

After all, it was true right, you weren’t his mom ! His mom was still alive, and she could be cured one day ! HE ALREADY HAVE A MOM ! 

So what if you always cooked him his favorite meal, or knew exactly what his favorite food was ? So what if you would go out of your way to grab his favorite burger from his favorite joints when you knew he felt down ? 

So what, if you were always there when he was sad ? Cheering him up with comfort food, kind words, and just your presence ? 

So what if you knew exactly what would make him feel better, which movie to put on to put a smile on his face ? 

So what, if you spend entire night right by his bedside when he got really hurt, or when he was sick ? 

So what if you’d listen to him at any time of the day or night, and always took time to give him your thoughts on the matter, and truly, truly listen to what he was saying instead of waiting for your turn to speak ? 

So what if you’d make him laugh, smile, feel loved, even as he felt so alone and isolated, especially after he discovered his powers ? 

So what if you never made him feel like he was different because of it ? 

So what if you opened your house’s door without a second thought for this unknown teenager who was also a meta ?!

So what...so what...so what if you obviously cared a lot, and if you...if you... 

He already had a mom. And she might get better one day. 

He couldn’t have two moms. 

...

...

Right ? 

What would happen when his parents would be cured ? Forget all his feelings for the Waynes ? So it’d be easier to pretend he wasn’t part of the family, right ? 

It would be easier. 

Yes. 

But it was too late. 

It was too late... 

He ran after you. Caught up with you in the corridor. Tears in his eyes, he said : 

“I’m sorry, please don’t go...”

And fell into your arms. Almost eighteen years old, yes, but still needed the support of a mother. Of his mother. 

And you were there. You’d always be there, no matter what happened in the future. And he needed you, especially in that moment of frustration, where he really missed his parents, and was starting to lose hope to ever find a cure... 

And you were there.

Who ever made a rule that you could have only one mom anyway, right ?

BRUCE 

They did tell him “you’re not my dad !” too. And for him, it was as terrible as for you. If not worst, on certain aspect. Especially since he had a hard times truly expressing his feelings more often than not. 

He knows how devastating it can feel. He knows it even more, because not only did he feel it as they told him “you’re not my dad !”, but he also felt it as he told Alfred “you’re not my dad !”. He knew the feelings from both sides. 

It enhanced everything. 

Of course, in general, Bruce always felt things more than anyone else around him. He was born like that. Hypersensitive. That’s why he worked so much on hiding his true feelings, and appearing detached and cold. 

It’s much easier, than to always being overemotional. Of course, it didn’t mean he felt nothing. On the contrary, he felt everything. He was just better, nowadays, at pretending he was okay. At pretending he didn’t care. 

Ah. But you existed. 

You. 

The only person that could always see through his bullshit, and know when he was lying and fake smiling. 

Between the two of you, there has always been something. Even before you were together. It was an irrational and irresistible attraction. 

An unbreakable bond. Always supporting each others. 

You have no idea how you’d live without him. And he couldn’t even fathom a world without you. It’s a world he wouldn’t like very much...  

Even during the worst times, and oh you went through a lot together, you knew at least...at least you’d have warm arms to fall asleep in. At least, you’d have each others. 

Bruce had known pain so strong he sometimes wished death would just take him away. And then you came in. Ready to put up with his shit, and to not give up on him even when he gave you every reason to. 

And oh, oh he gave you back everything times a thousand. You knew he’d never let you fall. Not alone. 

Whenever something hurtful as your children telling you two you weren’t their real parents happened...It’s when you truly realized how vital you were to each others. 

When you fell, Bruce was there to catch you. 

When he fell, you were there to catch him. 

Better to fall together, than to stand alone. 

__________________________________________________

And here we are :). I hope you liked it ? Don’t hesitate to leave a little feedback and reblog if you want to ^^. I’m a little afraid I disappointed y’all for some reasons haha. I couldn’t explain. Self-confidence crisis hahaha. I finished writing that late, and exhausted after a hard week, maybe it plays into account ? Anyway, I really do hope you enjoyed your time reading this :). And thanks for reading, of course ^^.