#which makes me happy even tho its my deadname

[doodlboy]

I FORGOT 2 SAY

I MADE A FRIEND @ WORK 2DAY!!

[dirt-grub]

1, 5, 11 and 23!

1 - How did you choose your name?

THIS IS A COOL STORY OKAY because i actually don’t have a deadname for my first name!!! Connor is my middle name! So Aiden is actually my bio first name (spelled in a girly way tho so i just go by like Aid) BUT I had a dead middle name that began with C, and for a long time i couldnt decide what to change it to, but i knew i wanted to keep the C initial. I have a little half brother who i care a lot about, and since we dont have the same last name i thought hey! his middle name is Connor, my middle name is a C... we can have a name in common! its funny like, when i made my tumblr a little over a year ago i didnt expect to make friends i just sorta wanted to reblog for an aesthetic account and stay on the down low, so i put Connor as the name to test it out and see if i liked it, and it stuck really well! Of course I do like going by either name otherwise I wouldn’t have been known by Connor to you all still XD

5 - What was the first time you suspected you were transgender?

This one is really hard for me to pin down, because I was one of those kids that always sort of “knew” to a capacity- I hate being like grouped in with my sister/female cousins, i didnt like “girly” things, whenever we would play pretend my character was male, stuff like that. i sorta was always a boy in my head, in a strange way? like id always be happy until i was reminded i WAS a girl, which apparently had to be done for me to realize. i have plenty of memories being with family friends and outlining the character i was making for myself and having them interrupt and say wait, you wanna be a BOY? youre not a boy! and having my day just be ruined in a way i didnt have the vocabulary yet to describe

11 - What are your experiences with binding or wearing breast forms?

I have binded in REAL UNSAFE WAYS! DONT DO ANY OF THIS SHIT!

I started pretty much the second it was decided i had too much tit and needed to wear a bra now 24/7, so like around 12. I had these shitty training bras that didnt really fit me, and id wear a ton of them over each other every single day. like, there was a time where i was layering four or five of them, which probably didnt even help compress, but i felt like i NEEDED to or id just like die

i got my first binder uh maybe freshman year of high school? i REALLY tried to go stealth when i entered hs but i just didnt have the resources to. basically i had a long time bf through hs (t4t) and he got a binder first, and id borrow it whenever i could. we were about the same size so i got his hand me down when he got his second, and then once we had more money going forward we got our own. Since then i bind regularly with like a real one that fits me (altho not as much in quarantine bc i mean i dont leave the house)

23 - What’s your biggest trans-related fear?

I’m not sure i can say the real one here bc its sorta really bad lol but id guess being stuck in a situation with transphobic people like consistently? like i can handle getting into a fight a stranger i’ll never see again in the bathroom, but if i had to live somewhere with transphobic people being shitty to me every day i would go absolutely insane. Like its hard to explain specifically, but if i was around cis guys who were like uwu soft trans dude thats so hot or cis women who think im just an oppressed woman who needs to embrace my womanhood id go postal 

[kommunistkaitou]

my other ramble snce I'm inebriated talking about personal stuff rn is that like ok im very. Tied to my identity as a gay dude like not just in a sexuality way but like my gender as a guy in general is tied to faggotry but like im also not someone who considers gender to be more important than who somebody is so while im not going to develop a crush on a woman it is apparently within the realm of possibility for someone ive been into for a long time, to come out as trans, without me stopping being attracted to her, & the thing is its definitely mutual and like we mightve even gotten together before she came out to me if it wasn't for covid

But like im worried that even if I do see her as a woman (which tbh i mostly do but not 100% yet bc she JUST came out to me like less than a week ago and we've known each other for almost 3yr and she's still closeted to other ppl so I still have to deadname her often) im worried that us dating would be like mutually harmful to each of us in a gender way except also blike why should we let a fucking labeks and social contract definie who we can date if we both like each other

& also she's said ishe doesn't experience mich dysphoria like she isn't miserable being perceived as a fem gay guy, its more gender euphoria around womanhood like it just makes her extra happy to be girl. So maybe itd be ok but like ya.

Oh but also there's the concern that like im into her now but like i have no idea how my attraction meter (lol) would respond to her medically transitioning like tbh it would probably be ok bc i have dated trans guys who were both pre and post different various stuff but like idk i don't want to break both our hearts. U know. Also unrelated to the gender thing but she also has some issues with internalized ableism that i also have but the things we find helpful to talk about them tends to be opposite (*hurtful) to each other by accident so we have temporarylt tabled that discussion until we r ready for it so like idk if dating would be get bad in that condition idk. Anyway none of my relationships have ever rlly ended well except for mayhe my 1st one which was online the whole time anyway and we met via msparp i was 15 and she still said I broke her heart even tho we stayed for friends and we both ended up being gay later idk. don't want to throw away a good friendship is what im saying here.

[teenagebeautyqueen]

[Image description: a young person holds a mobile phone with a blue case and a paper on the other. the paper has a drawing of an umbrella colored with the trans pride flag. we can only see their upper body. they are looking down and to the left of the image. they're smiling without showing their teeth, and look relaxed. they're wearing a black, loose hoodie and some shorts can be seen at the bottom of the picture. they're also using black nail polish. on the background there is a door and a star wars poster. the other image is a close up of the paper. end ID]

🌈ʜᴇ/ᴛʜᴇʏ🌈

happy trans day of visability to all my fellow trans*!! here is me and my project for peace's day... i personally love it. it's on spanish, but i'll translate it for y'all.

the text on the left says "cada persona que conoces está luchando una batalla de la que no sabes nada. sé amable. siempre", which is the translation of that quote that goes like "every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. be kind. always".

the one on the right says "¿qué sentido hay en pelear? ¿por qué insistimos en sabotearnos mutuamente? Todos caminamos por el mismo sendero embarrado, todos nos dirigimos al mismo final." its translation is something like "what's the point on fighting? why do we insist on sabotage each other? we all walk the same muddy path, we are all headed for the same end."

and above the umbrella there's words like "odio", "acoso", "ignorancia" & "discriminación", which mean "hatred", "harassment", "ignorance", and "discrimination".

yeah i'm very subtle.

i've decided to share my story with the world. but i got kinda carried away. it's not s fairy tale, so don't read it if you're sensitive to themes like bullying, mental health issues, and toxic people.

——————————————————————

it's been... one ride of a journey, to say the least. i've said a few times that i started to question my gender around summer. but that's not quite true.

growing up, i never was fond of... anything that i associated with femenine, really. this included, but wasn't limited to, any color that wasn't blue (pink and purple get a special mention, i despised them), flowers, clothes too loose or too tight, shorts if they weren't from some sport, etc. i think you get the idea.

this collided with me being afab (aka a girl for everyone including myself) & neurodivergent. i wanted nothing to do with those things. but society wanted me to love them.

5 yo me said she didn't like Monster High. 5 yo female classmate said i was a weirdo. 7 yo me loved football. 7 yo male classmate said i couldn't play because i was a girl. 9 yo me hyperfixated on minecraft. 9 yo pretty much every classmate called me a geek.

so i stoped trying. for a while, i loved pink, wanted to have rapunzel's hair, watched disney channel, etc. but i already was the weirdo. i remember being three and friends with all of them. i remember playful fights for the toy rocket and reading books with the only other boy who could read, to ourselves, each other, and the whole class. but people grow up, and they change. so yeah, i was bullied. always the last one to be chosen, left alone on the bus rides, on my own at the playground.

and you'll be thinking "that sucks, but pao, how is it related to you being trans?"

you'll see, i didn't have many friends. i was kinda alone until i turned 7. then two new kids came to my class. let's call them eva and john. i made friends with them asap. i loved them so much!! they were my first friends since kindergarden. so i allowed myself to let go. i was already hated by most of my peers. why wouldn't i be myself with those who didn't despise me? (i was 7 when i thought this. 7 years old, and i thought that out of 20 people, 18 hated me. and then people wonder why i've got self-steem issues lmao. i'm tryna make the point that bullying in primary school isn't just some mean kids calling you names. i'm currently in high school and it still has its mark on me. but that's for another moment.)

so yeah. i went "wild". eva has adhd too (noice, right? i mean she has her diagnosis becaise she's primarly hyperactive, while i'm primarly inattentive, but we understood each other way quickier than with neurotypicals– even if i didn't know why yet), and john was kinda shy & corpulent (he wasn't fat, but he didn't look slim either), just like me. so we became friends. and i slowly opened up a little, while still playing my role of "the freak kid". i knew i was seen as that AND as the smart kid. double pressure, double bullying. but i had my small circle. it evolved until my current friend group, in which, god bless, there's a trans girl!! (eva's still on it– she's my best friend and i would die for her, no doubts. john can go fuck himself, the goddamned fascist).

but it ain't that easy. it never is. i'm 14 and afab. shit happens. y'all get it.

my first period happened while i was on a school trip (bad), on a hotel with no pads avaliable (very bad), on another country so i couldn't call my mum unless i had wifi because politics & stuff– and i did not have wifi (really bad). cue a lot of dysphoria (even if i didn't know it was that) + not being able to contact anyone. add the fact that i was the second one to have it, and it was some kind of taboo– it meant the other girls wouldn't leave me alone, and the result is clear: one of my worst panic attacks ever, on a tiny bathroom of some shitty hotel room.

from there it went downhill. my body started to become femenine, and the football short didn't make my hips smaller. my face, my oh so alarged face, suddenly became rounder. puberty hit me not only physically, but emotionally. and if that wasn't enough, we, as a class, were entering what's called here "the turkey age", a.k.a. teenagerhood, where looks become even more important. it didn't take long until i hated my body.

[WARNING: from here, this gets hard. mentions of eating disorders, depressive episodes/thoughts, toxic enviroments, homophobia/transphobia (both internalized and external), anxiety attacks, and thoughts of self-harm]

i thought "it's big, it shouldn't be big, it's fat. besides i don't want it to grow so fast. i want to make it stop growing. how? well, i grow up by eating. no eating=no growing".

yeah. eating disorder. when i think about it, i want to laugh. because it only took a few comments and "jokes" for me to be so angry at myself when i should be mad with them. i'm big. always have been, very likely always will. i've been told that i could make a very good rugby player. i probably would. i shared my cantine table with people (😔). and they wouldn't shut up. "[deadname], the rest wants to eat too!", "look at [deadname], she's gonna eat it all!". things like that. i stoped eating. i would pick up the smallest amount of food i could, even if my stomach was begging me to please eat something. eventually, my mum found out. and she helped me to grow out of it. i sometimes releapse, but never for that long. because i went on a whole year like that. and it sucked.

so, last year. socially anxious neurodivergent girl with several doubts on her sexuality gets to eight grade.

i play basketball. since i was little. i used to enjoy it a lot. we weren't a team– we were a family. loved 'em so much, 1000/10 one of the best things of my life. BOOM. now you're old enough & good enough to be on the "good" team. in the good time there's the cool kids. i am not a cool kid. oops. i was left behind, they all laughed at my back, no one cared about me (except one girl, but she was in the group and was scared to act until almost the end of the year. love her for that tho). i felt like shit. i was too scared to go to train. the sight of a ball scared me, because i couldn't help but think everyone was talking shit about me. we went to a national championship and when they went out to the city, they didn't tell me, then sent a pic of them having fun to the groupchat & delated it saying "oops it was for the other group". i had several breakdowns on my room that night. it was such a bad experience i can't even hear the name of the city without tearing up.

not to count that a new girl decided to make my life a living hell. now i know how to deal with her, but then i didn't, and i ended up curled up on the bathroom floor crying.

all while i discovered my own identity. i was so scared of being non-straight i hated myself for it.

it was a tough year and there were times where i would wish i'd never existed. it was too much for me to deal with, and i was just miserable. but i got out of it. remember the trans girl i mentioned? she's closeted, and she told me just this october. but even before that, she was my friend. she bought a new life to it all, a fresh one. i owe her a lot, including accepting myself as i am.

she is here, despite everything.

i am here, despite everything.

you are all here, despite everything.

some of us aren't here. they are the ones we remember. each one of us has our history. i shared mine with you all. it is not an easy road. you know that. it's hard, and it's tough, and it's difficult, and it's unfair.

but we are here, despite everything. the ones who made it, the ones who didn't, the ones who are halfway through it, and the ones who are to come.

we are here. we are trans. and we won't be erased.

[lovenotereminders]

To everyone struggling with their identity and/or belonging

It’s gonna be okay, eventually. People who respect your choices, your feelings, identity, you, will come into your life. Not necessarily from places you expect them to be, and it’s possible it won’t always be immediately visible they respect you, but they will and it’s gonna feel great. They’ll make you feel like you belong, even if you’re still a bit of an odd one out.

Let me tell you a story. Mentions of dysphoria, bullying, surpressing ones identity, and loneliness.

I’m Danish, trans, in the non-binary part of the spectrum, leaning towards demiboy, afab. Still figuring stuff out tho. Ever since kindergarten grade I’ve felt like the hugest, dumbest odd one out. I was blocked out of the girl group from day one, and the boys constantly made a point of making me out to be different. I was nicknamed “hermaphrodite” and was “jokingly bullied” for not fitting in. Ended up surpressing who I was and very, very lonely. By the time I changed school, I had no idea who I was and no idea how to behave in any other environment than my old school’s. I have no idea what people thought of me on the new school, but I know they didn’t think of me as a friend or even part of the community - I wasn’t invited to anything, everyone treated me as though I was a strange, awkward alien, and I was left to sit by lonesome self.

In Denmark we have primary a d secondary school, then university. Primary school is from kindergarten grade, also known as 0th grade, to 10th, though 10th isn’t mandatory. You graduate 9th and enroll into secondary school, which is from 11th to 13th grade. What I just described was my entire primary school life, and none of it changed until I got into secondary school. At this point, I knew who I was - well, enough to say “hey, my name is Jax, and what the papers say is my deadname” and be true to my own personality.

My first attempt at 11th grade was severely fucked over by depression, energy loss, and a lacking will to do anything, so I’m in 11th grade for the second year. Over the last one and a half year my dysphoria has gotten a lot worse, to where I also despise my body now. A couple of months ago, I didn’t. A couple of months ago I would’ve felt uncomfortable with being is a “girls” messenger group, but now it straight up sickens me. The boys took inspiration from the girls and made a group chat as well. I wasn’t added. It made my heart heavy and hurt, as though someone had jabbed a knife into it and stuffed stone into it. But I didn’t speak up, too afraid to be the odd one out; too afraid of being in a crowd and not belonging.

The girls planned a movie night & sleepover for Friday, and the boys one for Saturday. I denied coming to the girls one, my dysphoria screaming “no no no no no!”. I wasn’t invited for the boys one.

…well, at first. This is where things lighten up, I promise.

There’s one guy in my class who knows I’m nonbinary. I’m not secretive about it but I’m not comfortable with yelling it out loud, either. We talked, and he found out I wasn’t in the boys group chat. He was, first of all, baffled, then a little offended, and then got me into the group chat and invited for the movie night. I was no less than ecstatic - excited, happy and ecstatic but also very very scared. I turned up at the movie night fidgety and sweaty, anxiety in the roof, feeling incredibly awkward.

Conversation loosened me up. More of the boys showed up and it got easier, even if I was still quiet and feeling a little out of place. But I didn’t feel like the odd one out.

We chatted, did some physics puzzles (yes, we’re the nerdy type of students), figured out together how we all should sit/lay in front of the TV, and fooled around. Me and another guy were walking sleeping bag worms, we all shared our different types of candy, threw apples to each other, three of us melodically slapped a thick pillow, three or four guys took off their shirts bc it was just that warm, and nobody seemed uncomfortable with touching each other or me. There were still things I was scared of saying bc I didn’t want too much attention on myself bc that’s always meant being the odd one out, but I was never uncomfortable. I was neve rnot included. When decisions were made and I didn’t speak up myself, I was asked - casually and friendly.

My inability to speak up made us watch something that lowkey triggered me, and when we went to sleep I desperately wished for someone to stay and sleep in the same room as me. Calm breathing calms me when my anxiety is skyrockets. I didn’t speak up, but someone stayed by his own choice. It was…nice. And i fell asleep feeling okay.

The morning was honestly fantastic. It was calm, it wasn’t awkward, it was casual - and somewhere along the lines I managed to say Im nonbinary because it was casual to the conversation. Later, the same happened with my autism. How they treat me hasn’t changed a bit. If anything, after this sleepover the guys are a lot more comfortable around me and me aorund them. We left together, took the same bus, and talked the entire way, though without any pressure. I went home feeling great.

Going to the sleepover was a leap, but im proud of it and happy I did it. I have never felt this welcome in a social circle that isn’t my closest friends. Of course, the sleepover wasn’t perfect. There was and still isa lot of uncertainty and things I’m not entirely clear about with them. But its a step in the right direction, and they’ve let me into their community with open arms.

For the first time ever, I feel respected, accepted and like I belong in a bigger social circle all at once. It’s a good feeling. A feeling worth living for, and it will come to you too.

[www-wlw]

Hiya I love your blog so much. It always manages to help me w dysphoria and bad feelings. I’m a trans girl and I am just about to enrol in college as a girl (I’ve never presented “feminine” in public before) and I’m absolutely terrified. My girlfriend is going to the same campus as me which will help but I’m so petrified of being stared at, deadnamed, not allowed to use the women’s bathroom etc. I don’t really know what to do in panicking about it

I was in a really similar situation just last year! It’s definitely scary!! I’d say the scariest thing I’ve ever done in my life, but I’m still here! going into my second year of college surrounded by friends and people like me!

I’m lucky to be in a lgbt friendly school (osu :>), but the world is filled with loving people no matter where you are. Keep an open heart and friends will find their way to you and love you as you are!! There might be people who don’t respect you and that’s unfortunate and perhaps inevitable! but those people don’t change the fact that you’re valid and beautiful! now here’s a few of my personal tips for going to college trans:

1. Find some friends! very important!!!!! if you have a community, some people with shared experiences, it makes the world a lot less scary. Being with your girlfriend is a great, but look into some lgbt spaces as well! find allies where you can. I cannot stress enough the importance of this.

2. Know your campus! just knowing where things like private/gender-neutral bathrooms and less used pathways are can be important, especially when you’re still getting comfortable in your own skin.

3. Nobody really cares! the world is full of strange strangers and while people might look at you weird, no stranger is going to really care about who you are or how you look. and unless you encounter someone particularly bigoted and bold, nobody’s really going to care if you use the ladies room either! (as always, when in doubt be safe tho)

4. You dont have to do it all at once if you don’t want to. Change is liberating but also very scary. It’s okay to take things in bite sized chunks. I’m not very used to wearing dresses or femenine clothes or anything, but I’m still a woman. It’s okay to take baby steps.

5. They don’t know unless you tell them. Even if they figure out you’re trans somehow, they wont know your deadname unless you tell them. If you haven’t already, I would scrub as many instances of your deadname from your school documents as possible to avoid embarrassing situations with dorm rooms or attendance sheets. It’s a lot easier than youd think and it might help with changing other docs if you havent already.

6. It gets better! not to be cheesy or anything but its the real truth. Over time you get more confident in who you are and in how you present yourself to the outside. You get more friends who support you and have a more fulfilling life as you live as yourself. The world is not as scary as it seems, it really is a beautiful place if you know where to look.

May your next year be safe, exciting, and happy!

- Honu

[arosebyan0thername]

im currently hyperficated on other people's ocs. please tell me abt ur ocs 🦉🐔

Hi! I have no idea when you sent this as I’ve been talking about my book on here for a while, but I am happy to oblige, whether or not you are still interested!

So! First is Ella my heart and soul, and honestly kind of a doozy to write about. She’s trans but she spends a lot of the book not out to the people in her life, especially her family, so she’s deadnamed a lot and misgendered even more, which sucks, but the narration will never ever do it. True to the cinderella trope, she’s very nice and sweet and very very very strong and brave. She doesn’t have the typical cinderella story father figure to teach her values, though, she just knows that that is how the world should be. She is doubted by a lot of people and overcoming that and the self-doubt it leads to is a big struggle, but she gets shit the fuck done, don’t you worry. Animals aren’t quite as big a deal with her, she doesn’t have any mice friends or anything, but she does care about animals and the environment more than the average person and it does help her. She’s pretty naive because of the way she was raised (although she has, of course, Seen Some Shit), but very quick to pick up on things, and she adjusts pretty well. I really cannot give a lot about her away without spoiling things, because most of her personality comes from her particular backstory and much of that isn’t revealed until later on.

Ian is my good good boy. He’s the younger of the two princes but first in line for the throne (more on that later), and he is very proud of his role and eager to become king and clean up the messes his country is still dealing with from his shitty grandmother. He is also very proud and defensive of his older brother (not that andrew has much trouble defending himself, physically or verbally). He meets Ella when she’s at a low point in her already troubled life. He is in fact a straight man, so with her not yet out and certainly not passing, it’s not love at first sight, but he does immediately want to help because, again, good good boy. He’s the kind of royalty who knows the names of every single member of the castle staff and he treats them with kindness and respect (I do not endorse monarchies irl but this is a book with magical fairies so I get to make the rules here). His love language is 100% acts of service, which I love for him as the future king, and, once they get there (it’s a slow burn for sure), he practically worships the ground Ella walks on (but in a healthy way. eventually). One of the first things to really draw him to her is that she’s very outspoken about her disapproval of the former queen (aforementioned shitty grandmother) in a way which he just doesn’t normally get to hear. She’s very open and earnest, but not just hostile for the sake of it, you know? Like she actually has opinions and reasoning and isn’t just “fuck queen genevieve because I said so.” She’s also open about her opinions of the current royal family in a way he never ever hears, since she doesn’t know he’s the prince right away. I’ll be honest, most of Ian’s characterization revolves around Ella, he’s almost kind of a mary sue. He does have flaws he’ll address tho don’t worry.

Andrew is maybe my favorite possibly, he’s very great. He’s the colonel fitzwilliam to Ella’s lizzy bennett, they’re absolute besties and I can’t get enough of it. I’m in fact very very defensive of their relationship and its platonicness, and I know i cannot avoid people shipping them but I need it to be very clear that that is distinctly not my intention. They’re very very close, definitely at least almost as close as she and Ian, but like andrew is ella’s man of honor at she and Ian’s wedding, you know? And anyway, he’s gay and she’s a woman so you can’t really ship them without invalidating at least one of them. They spend a few days pretty much alone together when ella first gets to the castle and she really just opens up to him right away; there are things she feels more comfortable telling andrew than ian, and she’s known Ian longer and also is in love with him. Being the older brother, it is his divine right and duty to bully the hell out of Ian, but in a way that they both always know is just joking - he knows very well how to not take things too far. He and Ella actually frequently tag team and just shit on ian relentlessly (bur affectionately, of course), it’s great. He’s also not at all afraid to actually call ian out on his bullshit in ways that no one, not even their father or ella will do. He doesn’t do it in a mean way, but a very flat out and honest way, without sugar-coating. if ian is in the wrong, andrew will tell him “you are wrong and you have to stop.” The position of royal heir was taken from andrew by force, but he grew to learn that he would not want it anyway. He sees how hard it is to have political power and not become corrupt or let it completely break who you are as a person and he wants nothing to do with that; he could never take himself seriously and would never want the pressure of an entire country’s fate on his shoulders (although he would be good at it and he frequently acts as advisor to his father, and later his brother). He is very very proud of his brother, though, and has absolute confidence that Ian will be the best king their country has ever seen.

Madame Louise Bouchard would have been on Dance Moms for sure, and honestly that’s an understatement. I also can’t say much about her without spoilers bc she’s the main antagonist and the driving force for most of the plot, but i do think dance moms sums a lot of it up. She would definitely be a republican; she’s for sure homophobic and transphobic but honestly that’s not even why she’s so awful to ella, shes just a horrible person all around. She has two daughters (who I genuinely have not given enough thought to yet to warrant their own section), Vivienne and Camille, and she loves the image of them :) she loves when people think she’s a good mom :) does she love her daughters? :) good question :) she is a single widow and she does everything she can to make sure she and her daughters have enough money to look good and be seen in high society. She grew up with money and honestly her parents were pretty good to her so idk how she came out the way she did but sometimes people just suck and there’s no reason and thats like,, a major moral of the story. Her husband was like a minor politician iirc?? idk i wrote his backstory a while ago, but he also moved in high society until he mysteriously died of being poisoned disease but that’s never confirmed. and her daughters do love and trust her and follow her lead, not questioning why shes so awful to ella and instead playing along, as they grow up and far past the age where they should be able to recognize basic morality. Like i said I’m not sure of a lot of their specifics bc they haven’t come into any of the parts ive written yet, but basically they have draco malfoy syndrome very bad. Louise also does everything in her power to hide how she treats ella from the public so as not to besmirch the buchard image, but that relationship is very complicated and, again, half of the plot.

Queen Genevieve isn’t even alive by the time the story takes place so there’s not a lot to say about her, other than that she was a bigot and a colonizer and pretty much everyone in the country, regardless of general political views, hated her. She caused a lot of really bad things and also stirred up a lot of distrust in the royal family.

I don’t think I’ve given the king a name yet, but he’s. he tries. He’s not the very best father on account of having been raised by genevieve who was awful, and also having to spend so much time and effort making up for the shitstorm she left the country with when she died, but he does truly love his sons and he wants them to be happy and successful. He’s not a bigot but he’s not exactly like, fresh with the times, either, so some things are a little bit of a battle to get him to accept and be normal about. he’s generally fairly liked, although a lot of people think he’s maybe a bit too much of a pushover, overcorrecting from his mom. He's not an A+ dad, more like a B average probably.

There will be a few more principle characters who I know the general idea of but haven't actually started writing yet (ella has a handmaid, who I've been referring to as Tiffany for the time being, and she's very sweet and 100% rooting for ella and Ian endgame), but those are like the main main cast. Thank you for coming to my ted talk

[the-gaytriarchy]

Norah’s Back?

So, today is my birthday (woo) and this blog has been semi-inactive lately (for about 7 months) other than the obvious untagged crossposts from Diaspora so I feel like I owe you, my followers, an explanation. TL;DR version: I've been busy AF and havent had time to focus on my blog, *might* remake sometime later but stay tuned. Also please make my transition fund go viral even if my blog sucks ily <3 Full personal update and related triggers under the cut (just so ppl can see this)

All involved triggers I can think of: nsfw text, food, dysphoria, misgendering, transitioning, transphobia, transmisogyny, mental illness, capitalism, school, impostor syndrome, religion, family So from my college graduation to mid November was characterized by dedicated activism in my community and bitter underemplorment but shortly before Turkey day I finally got a job in IT that I always wanted (!!!). Unfortunately this position was obtained under my deadname and I’ve basically been pretending to be a boy there ever since. Would have come out a while ago but its located in a buttfuck nowhere rural town that doesnt have legal employment protections for LGBTQ people and even if the company is changing its own policy on it soon but dragging their fucking feet on it.  Lying about myself is getting harder and harder to deal with. 

Part of that has to do with dysphoria getting worse in general, and the fact that I thought it was a great idea to take night classes to finish my IT certification which was stuck on the backburner. This has left me with next to no free time and regularly exhausted. Since im coming straight from work to class I have to be dressed almost in boymode every time I come in which is fucking degrading even if I use my real name there (while still getting sired by a prof and sitting next to a part time transphobe).

I also came out to my parents and they didnt react great but it didnt go especially bad either. They wont let me come out to my youngest sibling which sucks bc I *really* want to come home and be their daughter and an older sister </3 They like that im less of an atheist though I guess but I can only work the queer Christian angle so well, not that I should have to perform as such to demand my dignity as a woman.

It hasnt been all bad new tho, happy to be chasing my dreams and weekends are my days off where I look femme AF then. Im in the process of getting electrolysis set up but would need to get it weekly on a weekday which would require me to buy another car instead of carpooling to work. (I dont wanna buy another fucking bank breaking garbage metal death machine that will definitely break later because thats already happened enough times to the point where its literally traumatizing.) The job itself tho is otherwise way nice bc I make a living wage and great benefits (holy shit right) even if the commute sucks. Also my night classes are about to end their semester soon and my next one will be online and therefore 100% easier to deal with (my job benefits may even pay for it for me!) and give me actual free time again yaaaaaay. So thats been my life lately, I’ll try to be on here more often. I also started my transition fund which will help out with a lot of these problems, so please reblog that around! Also big thanks for being my followers for some reason and listen to me vent! <3

[soledadcatalina]

gay books (long post under cut)

this isn’t exactly a complete rec list im just trying to compile all the ones I have on my shelf right now. havent read all of them just yet so i will update this as i go

most of these novels are lesbian / wlw specifically 

pulp 

beebo brinker  by ann bannon 

odd girl out  by ann bannon 

(both these books are part of the iconic beebo brinker chronicle bannon writes, be warned that there is still a lot of homophobia in these books as they were written and released in the late 50s and early 60s. but from a historical pointview they’re a pretty big deal for not ending in such a huge tragedy, ask for more abt this if ur okay with spoilers)

short stories

painting their portraits in winter - myriam gurba (just started on this one! very dark but beautifully written stories revolving around mexican folklore as backdrop for modern stories. there are mentions of rape, and graphic depictions of death and assault, along with homophobic slurs)

the needle on full  - caroline forbes (lesbian sci fi short stories. not all of the stories are specifically abt lesbian relationships, there is one story in here thats a bit transmisogynistic so u can hmu on that one to skip or to read at ur own discretion) 

young adult (forgive me for this theyre still my guilty pleasure)

everything leads to you - nina lacour (romance between a set designer and a debuting actress with a lot of questions surrounding her family’s history and legacy. not bad, pleasantly surprised to find out mc is mixed race, which is explicitly mentioned and touched on)

lies we tell ourselves - robin talley (okay. this one is a historical novel set in the civil rights movement. mcs are a black girl who is intergrating with a few other black students into a previously all white school, and a white girl whose faher is a huge proponent of segragation that she’s inherited. it is a heartbreaking story with a hopeful ending, i dont think its written horribly but the fact that the book is written by a white author doesnt feel great (but im not black so maybe i can get a second opinion on this)

beauty queens - libba bray (lord of the flies with beauty pageant contestants and a bigger conspiracy underneath it. HUGELY satirical, it is a fave of mine, and doesn’t take itself too seriously. that being said, not super pleased with the lesbian relationship and trans girl character. the lesbian relationship doesn’t suffer from bury your gays but it did feel downgraded from the het relationships and the trans girl is outed by someone walking in on her while taking a bath soooo. not great.)

not otherwise specified - hannah moskowitz (this one’s okay. mc is a black anorexic dancer attending therapy and trying to audition for a big name school in nyc, who struggles with her lesbian friends who alienated her for being bisexual. obvs goes into themes of eating disorders, “”””gold star lesbianism””””, bisexuality, race and being a minority in a predominantly white town)

keeping you a secret - julie anne peters (this is baby’s first lesbain ya novel, and it fits the title of lesbian ya angst to a tee. internalized and explicit homophobia from parents, friends, classmates. hopeful ending but its a rough one to get through)

the art of being normal - lisa williamson (trans book, about trans girl mc trying to find a way to come out and discover herself, a boy who wants to find his father bc his mom forced him out of the kid’s life. mc gets misgendered through the entire novel even by the ppl she has come out to, including the other mc who apparently is okay with deadnaming her when he’s feeling upset. there is a twist to the story but it ain’t making up for that. lots of explicit and internalized transphobia, vivid descriptions of dysphoria, sexual assault, bullying, forced outing, does have a happy ending tho)

symptoms of being human - jeff garvin (trans book abt a genderfluid mc who is the child of a famous politician, writes an anonymous blog abt their life as a genderfluid teen. this one i think is written with a lil more respect than the one above but still, lots of internalized and explicit transphobia, vivd descriptions of dysphoria, sexual assault, forced outing. does have a hopeful ending) 

simon vs. the homo sapiens agenda - becky albertalli (mc is a gay teenage boy who is blackmailed by one of his classmates who threatens to out him via showing emails mc has exchanged with his anonymous crush. it’s a pretty loaded premise but the book itself is actually a lot more lighthearted than it sounds, with a very endearing mlm romance. that being said, still contains explicit homophobia, and frankly as a lesbian not too pleased abt mc’s assertation that ‘gay girls have it easier since guys are more into them’)

it’s not like it’s a secret - misa sugiura (japanese-american mc finds out that her father is cheating on her mother, starts falling for a girl in her new school and trying to balance the weight of being in the closet and knowing this family splitting secret. it is a pretty cute read at times but the drama just keeps on coming man. story mostly revolves around the cheating plotline, but also gets into the discussion of traditional japanese attitudes, and the idea of “model minorities” wrt racism and the way the asian characters are treated vs the latino and black students)