#which leads me to think they're kind of blah

[kremlin]

@wikwalker hi sure yes anything to give me an excuse to procrastinate the post i should be writing right now. here are all teh drugs and how to manage them. you can trust me, a drug addict

first of all: https://www.erowid.org/ , erowid always

don't be afraid of drugs, if they're the right drugs, you should do them since they will be a blast regardless and overcoming fear is also good (but outside the scope here)

OK to do as much as you want: alcohol - social benefit greatly outweighs health effects, no reason to avoid if predisposed to abuse since that'll happen sooner or later. what can i say? don't be a fucking dork. when you start drinking, really overdo it as much as possible without dying and get a few real nasty hangovers under your belt so you know how much is the right amount to drink.

weed - innocuous enough to be fine but will make you stupid in the long term. make sure to only buy from a real drug dealer and never some legal institution. cut it out when you're a "real adult". don't smoke weed and watch TV routinely, go out and do things so you naturally grow to hate it. good to go through this as early as possible to minimize the time you spend as a cringe weed enthusiast

i guess those are the only two.

ok to do infrequently (annually): "lsd" - or whatever it is, probably not lsd, blah blah blah, if it works and is sold on blotter its fine and won't make you go nuts or whatever. opt for a better psychadelic imo. see psych rule at bottom of section

mushrooms - better than acid since you know what they are. rule of thumb is to always do more than you think you want. minimum 1/8oz. see psych rule at bottom of post

dmt - if you somehow have a dmt hookup you don't need to be reading any of this. lasts 10 minutes which leads to tendency to way overdo it, don't do this, my favorite webcomic artist is permanently crazy from exactly that. using a crack pipe is also not the uhhhh most dignifying-feeling thing to do either. it's harder than you think.

mdma - for use at electronic music event or rave. overuse causes brain lesions or something.

coke - wait until you're in your 20s, have maxed out your roth IRA for a couple of years in a row, and havent missed a car payment in a similar timeframe. better still if you've worked a very shitty low paying job and know the value of a dollar. if you still find yourself buying candy you're not ready. too expensive to be worth it to get hooked on. know that you are VERY ANNOYING to anyone who also isn't high. don't fuck around with the guy selling it to you. avoid discussing or thinking about business ideas. you can't afford to make it a habit + kinda turns you into a piece of shit after a while, but at least a very interesting one

ketamine - another sick drug that rules, but save it for a special occasion. don't try and go into the k-hole your first time

rule for psychedelics - you get one good strong trip a year and that's it, make it count, always opt for doing a bit more than a bit less. but don't make it a habit, otherwise you turn into a very stupid very annoying "hippy" style cliché and believe in ghosts, aliens, crap like that.

ok to try once prescription opiates/benzodiazepine (xanax), valium, this kind of shit - worth trying so you can go "holy shit, this stuff is way way way too good to ever use responsibly" and then never do again. especially if you're white. for some reason we just can't handle this shit. if a doctor prescribes it to you, idk, that's your call to make.

ayhuasca - this is just dmt in a different form. do some other psychadelics a number of times before you do this. once you realize the whole "substantial visual hallucinations" thing is made up, its time. do exactly this: -buy root online (legal). receive box of dirt -boil dirt into "tea" (read erowid for exact recipe) -take over-the-counter anti nausea medicine or anything that will give you a stronger stomach -drink tea (its nasty as fuck, get it down quick) -have someone bigger than you keep an eye on you for the next five hours. -have the experience, which is absurdly intense, has no bearing to the real world, etc etc. don't be a bitch and throw up, if you do it'll only last an hour or so. again there is no way to provide a consistent description of the experience except that you will meet god. you only ever need to do this once and never again. trust me

peyote/salvia/etc - try em if you want, you'll never ever want to again afterwords. these are drugs for idiot teenagers too lame to get real drugs. imagine being very very sick from poison and utterly terrified at the same time. No good

whippets/nitrous oxide - just find a dentist that uses it and don't bother creating hundreds of pounds of trash on your floor for this crap that lasts ten seconds. you have to understand the extremely short timeframe coupled with the cost makes zero sense. go to a phish concert parking lot and do some people watching -- you do not want to be these people. only use is as a motivator to get routine dental exam. also if you somehow manage to make it a heavy habit your fucking legs stop working, no shit, but they start working again once you quit.

don't ever do heroin/meth/pcp - is is truly a mystery why you should never do these 🙄

synthetic weed/k2/shit from the gas station - it is so funny that they sell this as "weed that won't pop you on a drug test". its not weed. it is some dubious chemical sprayed on yard waste. smoke it to have a terrible time and go nuts. only buy drugs from legitimate drug dealers!

kratom - anyone's guess as to why this is legal but it's heroin for pussies. its still heroin

dxm/cough syrup - do you ever wonder why it is exclusively teenagers robotripping? it's because it sucks ass. is like a cheesegrater on your brain in terms of health effects with repeated usage. you're better than this king

inhalants - these are at the bottom of the list for a reason. do not huff gas. don't huff paint. do not consume computer duster. not fun + fastest way to make yourself a complete, uh, (word i can't say anymore) and then dead

not listed quaaludes- unavailable due to no longer being manufactured. these ruled apparantly

sincis2c - unavailable due to not existing, i just made this up

amphetamines - cannot provide objective take here. they're my albatross, lifelong (posted 4:55am natch)

[farasen]

So... racing AU

Brain rotting brain rotting

Here I'll write a lil concept for dwk racing au, who what which and blah blah blah

I'm not very familiar with all the intricacies of racing and driving technics so it's gonna be pretty surface level. And I don't know jack shit about car models, so you ain't gonna see them there.

Okay then, let me tell you about the characters. They're all amature street racers, aiming to become pros. Also they're aged up so all of them are in their early 20s. They made a team called DWK and challage other street racers and even pros.

Leon. He is known for his agrresive driving style, like putting the pressure on the opponent by driving VERY close to their car (he'd never hit it tho), speeding up and drifting at a high speed. But he's good at it and shows good results at the time trials. Prefers to lead if ''cat and mouse'' kind of race. Good with mechanics, not as good as Raban, but he can take care of his car if needed. Got in a several accidents due to his driving style before, yet he's alive somehow. Probably got a rear wheel drive car, but dreams of all wheel drive.

Marlon. This guy is good on wet roads, somehow driving the car at a high speed on it. Unlike his brother, he doesn't show his whole potential right away and puts more thought into when and where it's better to speed up and overtake. Always achieves high level of concentration and thus can react quickly at critical situations to prevent anything bad happening. Has a rear wheel drive car too.

Vanessa. The guys didn't want to take her on their team for a long time, because:

She is a woman

She used to be a biker

These two factors made dwk very skeptical of her being on the team. If the first one is obviouse, the second is because she didn't really drive cars before she got one, or so they thought. Actually I haven't made up my mind on how she was tought to drive cars. Perhaps, her grandma landed Vanessa her car and that's how she gained some experience. She ended up on the team eventually after winning ''cat and mouse'' race to Leon. Their driving styles are pretty alike as it may seem, she drifts and speeds up at corners, but she's rather defensive in a race. Also, since she was a biker, can handle bikes as well. Drives a rear wheel.

Markus and Jojo. I think it's better to talk about both of them in one paragraph since they usually work together. Jojo doesn't have a car so he drives Markus'. The irony is, even though Markus is the one who owns a car, he usually serves as a navigator, his ability to concentrate and memorize the road is very helpfull. It doesn't mean he isn't driving his car at all, but his speeding and braking techniques lack good execution. Unlike Jojo's. They compensate each other's disadvantages, which makes them a good duo. Nonetheless, they can manage racing on their own, even though it would take more effort. They drive all wheel car.

Deniz. When I said all of them are amatures I kinda lied since Deniz is very close to the title of pro. He's a rally driver and has some experience in official competitions, just like his father. He's known for his outstanding skills at driving off-road and dealing with winding road and sliding through corners. Has a high level of concentration, but maintains it... in a rather weird and maybe even dangerouse way - by holding his breath. If gets carried away it might lead to the opposite outcome - loss of concentration so he's gotta be careful with that. His father wasn't happy with the fact that his son does street racing and wastes his time instead of preparing for actual competitions, but allowed it later. He has a rally car, thus an all wheel drive.

Raban. The only one who has a front wheel drive. Mainly uses grip technique while racing. Kinda sucks at it tho. What he does good is tuning and mechanics. He learned that from Hadschi and sometimes Raban helps him with service. While he may not be a good driver, he's a good navigator. He spots everything that's happening on the road, calculates the time and finds better trajectories to pass the corners faster. Very helpful to Willi with these skills.

Willi. An ex-pro, who got in an accident which prevented him from racing anymore. Now he dedicates his life to making these teens achieve their goals. Usually does all the planning and comes up with strategies.

Hadschi. The mechanic and engineer of the team. Does all the tuning and set ups for the guys. Knows a lot about cars and can give information about weak and strong points of the opponent's car.

---------------------------

That's all for now. Idk if I ever going to continue working on this AU, it will probably sink into oblivion like the rest of my AU concepts. I'm drawing some concept art, but I haven't finished it. I hope I will. But if not, have a peek, just in case. Might change them later on, but most likely not, I'm lazy.

[androgymagnus]

ohhh my god speaking of house md and brilliant minds comparisons. yikes. like. okay. i understand why people try to start with this. i truly do. i think if you're trying to communicate something you like about the show to someone who hasn't seen it, and you do that by relating it to a very popular medical drama, that's like. i get why you're doing that. but while there's a pretty good common thread here (ie, medical drama starring disabled doctor who will do anything to help his patients and his gaggle of diverse interns) it's.... largely surface level and reductive, because these are two very different shows other than that little logline.

like, their disabilities and how they're handled and what they mean to their characters and how they handle them are very different. (SO different i'm not even gonna get into it. but they serve different purposes you know?) the tone of the whole show is different--my god is the tone different. the shows are actively trying to do different things.

and like (this one deserves its own line) while i personally believe house is very empathetic and cares about his patients under All That, uh, All That still exists, and does not excuse any kindness he might have under All That, and All That is still a problem (ie yes he will go to any lengths to cure his patient but he will also call them and their whole family slurs. blah blah blah complex character motivations and trauma the effect is still bad no matter the cause) and anyway, that's just what i think from his characterization, generally, he is still incredibly rude and caustic and you could certainly argue for the reading that he actually cares about the puzzle, not the patient. and even if you, like me, believe he deeply cares about his patients even when he doesn't want to, he still largely focuses far more on their literal health than their feelings or lived experience in the hospital. he'll save your life but he'll be a dick the whole time. he'll make patients cry and not really care. meanwhile dr wolf cares about his patient's lived experiences, how they feel, not just their literal physical health. that is literally his entire approach: getting to know them as people, treating them with kindness and understanding when other doctors have brushed over them or signed them off as a lost cause. rather than any kindness/empathy being subtext or shown through certain actions, it's the text.

now, i'm not saying this makes dr wolf a better character than house (a better person, perhaps!) or even a more complex character, since again. they are very different characters serving very different purposes. house is a deeply fucked up little man dealing with very bad chronic pain, childhood trauma, probably repressed bisexuality but let's not go there, etc., and he lashes out. he's a complex character, he's sympathetic but not a victim, he's an asshole but often you like him anyway. wolf is serving a different purpose as a character--i'd say his speech about harold in the first episode really speaks to it. like. he cares, about things other doctors don't, that even house probably wouldn't (depending on the episode and season probably). he's got his own backstory, albeit one we don't know all of yet, that plays into how he interacts with people now and why he is the way he is.

like. agh. gestures frusturatedly. there are interesting contrasts one could make here between these two characters (for example: if we buy that house is deeply empathetic, he deals with this by not wanting to get attached to patients at all, refusing to see them directly, and treating them like puzzles, because when he does see them as a person it hurts more when they die; meanwhile dr wolf does the exact opposite and loathes the idea of seeing patients as their diseases, as a puzzle, but as a consequence gets maybe even too attached every single time, which, while admirable, can lead to burnout or just, you know, getting fired or being a bit single-minded with blinders on trying to save them), but ultimately, it's kind of apples and oranges (that previous parenthetical is fun and all but they have very different backstories and motivations and context and that's kind of just isolating one thing, you know?) and seeing people uncritically compare the two is at least mildly irksome. they have, again, wildly different backstories and motivations.

these shows are trying to do different things! neither one of them is better than the other (i think i'm enjoying brilliant minds more personally, although with only seven episodes out to house's eight seasons i think it's a bit of an unfair judgment to try and make objectively as of yet) because they are trying to do different things. they just happen to be medical dramas about a doctor who will do anything to cure their patient, which is, when you think about it, a very broad category. you could throw in 'and he's disabled!' but let's be real, their disabilities (and how they're handled and interact with the plot) are very different.

the point is, i understand why people make this comparison but i think it's a little reductive and misguided. but at the same time like, i get it, trying to get across something in an easy to understand way when you're trying to convince someone to watch the show, just--don't go giving them the wrong impression! if someone goes into brilliant minds expecting house md, and they like different things about that show than you did, they're gonna end up being disappointed

anyway, disorganized ramble: end. hope it somewhat made sense

[solarwynd]

To be honest with you I don't even know what type of music we're going to get with BTS because from what I understand that hyyh  project is already done and they also have songs already recorded with J Balvin and Pharrell which means the music is already made,  unless they release that before the actual reunion.  I think they're just going to hurry up and do the tour. I genuinely don't know what to expect, maybe it's not even a full-fledged tour. There's a lot of vague words being thrown around when it comes to their comeback and considering Hybe's shitty situation right now (financially speaking) it's weird that they're not creating more hype or being more specific around their return.  The fandom is so incredibly divided with solo fans,  armies are in their lazy era they don't even want to stream and a lot of them have become multis or straight up antis.  Plus the boycotters that are probably going to continue knowing that scooter is not going anywhere next year either.  So yeah I'm kind of blah  about what's coming up frankly,  also the company seems  to have already been planting the seeds for JK as a soloist so whatever group endeavor that we're going to have is going to be only for a short period.  I don't know, everything seems so uncertain for me. I hope Jimin gets to make more music and his own solo tour in the future because his songs are so tour worthy. He has the theatrics, the choreography, the concepts, the hooks, the angst, the anthems. I know I'm also sounding biased but I think there is a reason why the fandom seems to come alive every time he releases something, love him or hate him, there is always a lot of hype and talk around him and his work.

No cause the details surrounding the hyyh project are hella vague. But I hope they��re actually clever with it and not just do some rehash or something that isn’t even worth the anticipation they’ve been trying to drum up for it. Then after this, I hope they put hyyh to rest and move onto something fresh.

I didn’t know about J balvin, but the fact that him and Pharrell are involved leads me to believe that the sound will probably be main stream leaning. Which is fine with me. Pharrell is versatile though so whatever song he worked on could be any genre.

[axel-the-goat-guy-and-gal]

OKAY HEAR ME OUT

So, I have a theory about Undertale & Deltarune...

So... Basically, Deltarune is a prequel to Undertale

NOW BEFORE YOU SCROLL PAST HEAR ME OUT

So, I have no "hard" evidence or proof (Wait no! Don't go!) BUT, it would kind of make sense from how Undertale was even made.

So, yeah, Undertale was made first, but Toby said (through various sources that, to be blunt, I'm too lazy to find) that it was made as a "test to see if one person [with some help with art and stuff] could even make a full game" and he did! He made Undertale!

HOWEVER!!!

It was not his final project. It was, as he said, a test.

And Deltarune is the game he actually wants to make.

But why do I think Undertale is a "sequel" to Deltarune?

Well... The most prominent example (and well known queen killer and sexyman) is Sans.

AND NO THIS ISN'T "Sans is all powerful and all knowing and the lord of Undertale and its fanbase blah blah blah" Like i've occasional seen people say similar crap cause "Oh its THAT god damn overly popular"

But the line in particular I'm referring to is when he says "I gave up trying to go back a long time ago"

Plus the Q & A with Papyrus where Sans very deliberately cuts it short when Papyrus is talking about "where they're from before Snowdin"

And I know every facet of Sans has been discussed to death, but why do I think that line he's referring to Deltarune? Or perhaps more accurately Hometown?

Well... It's a simple line said by Toriel in the Ruins in Undertale.

"It may come as a surprise to you but... I've always wanted to be a teacher! Well... That may not be that surprising..."

AND THAT RIGHT THERE

Is another part of why I think Undertale is a "sequel" or at the very least some kind of spinoff to Deltarune.

Because in Deltarune she IS a teacher.

So... It's been a while since I played Undertale (i'm actually playing it right now which is why I suddenly had the urge to write this all out lol) but I'm certain that if you go through Undertale you can see some parallels to Deltarune.

But I'm calling it right now.

Deltarune is a prequel.

That could also explain why Deltarune (originally) only had one ending. That ending (some-fucking-how) leading to the creation of Undertale and it's world.

Hell, maybe Undertale is after the roaring or whatever... Cause in Deltarune the main bosses and such talk about "reforging the world" and maybe that's because of Kris. Maybe Kris successfully reforged the world in their own image. With their parents (Toriel and Asgore) becoming the rulers of Monsters, and (this one is mostly speculation but-) Kris' hate for humans led to the banishment of Monsterkind, and it kind of line's up strangely well...

And maybe a lot of things don't line up, sure, but Deltarune isn't even fully out yet.

I'm calling it right now. Deltarune is a prequel and Undertale is Kris' reforging of the world through darkness and darkworld fountains or something.

I SWEAR TO GOD IF I'M RIGHT I'M GONNA BE FUCKING ECSTATIC XD

(Also sans is 100% Ness /j)

BUT HEY! THAT'S JUST A THEORY!

A GAME THEORY!!!!

Rest in peace mat pat (i know he's not dead, but in internet terms he might as well be lol)

[sadlittleratboy]

I once said Tomura vaguely had she/they vibes to me on tiktok, back when I had one, and people ate me alive bc I listed his hair as a reason (and also bc I continued forward with using he/him pronouns throughout the video and I'm like...but that's the canon and I'm talking about something theoretical that I don't necessarily have a hard hc of, they/them Dabi is a different story lol) and people were like "thinking femininity is tied to long hair is transphobic and misogynist and blah blah" and it's like no you completely missed my point.

Firstly, I know that, because back when I was a girl and embracing my femininity in ways that I won't now that I identify as more masculine, I had short hair. I always had short hair. Androgynous girls with short hair lead me to the conclusion of being nonbinary.

Secondly it's not about the hair length, it's about the hair STYLE. Every transfem I've ever met started with that style or similar when it grew out. It's cute, it's fun, they're playing with long hair for the first time or even just in a new context.

It's also just about the general vibe. I listed elegance as a reason too, just the way he moves, but nobody considered how he's also so NOT elegant sometimes. It's the type of elegance he has, because there are so many different types. It's also int he way his so expressive. He shows so much on his face, which men tend to do in manga but it just feels different with Shigaraki. Again, I'm going on vibes.

Also being a nonbinary girl suits him because he'd be a total girlfailure, a loser girl, and I love that. Every transfem I knew was also a massive nerd. Most importantly I don't see him performing femininity in a traditional way. He is performing femininity by identifying as feminine and performing. He wouldn't change how he dresses or talks, he would simply realize that his identity isn't quite what he thought and run with it, because that's the kind of person he is. All those masculine codes brash actions like putting his feet up on overhaul's table to show dominance, and using ore, none of those things NEED to change because gender is so complex and that's FUN.

Again. This is mostly off vibes. I know a lot of people that think it/it's or other neopronouns suit him, and I can see that, especially with the way he dehumanizes himself (and with his stinky rat behavior, something a lot of nonbinary people, myself included, identify with), but that element actually makes me personally stray from that hc. Shigaraki dehumanizes himself in a negative way, and I think that's not good for him. Of course an argument can be made for that being the call all trans people have to be vaguely inhuman and monstrous in ways that only we really understand, so I don't think it's a bad hc at all.

I mean honestly he reads trans masc just as much. A lot of the league reads kind of trans because we tend to see ourselves in weird little outcasts. It's just a vibe a get from him. A lot of the she/theys I've met just also kind of have this "fuck gender and expectations, I'm doing my own thing over here".

Also there is of course the constant of Shigaraki chosing how he identifies himself and defying the expectations other people have placed on those identities. He's Shigaraki because he is, not because of AFO. That's his villain name because he connects to it. Despite all that he constantly gets deadnamed too. It's just...the vibes, the ability for anyone to read into anything what they want because their own experiences and it will fit because fiction is flexible (and even when it doesn't, does it matter?).

Anyway, his vibes, his masculine features and mannerisms along with the feminine ones and the feeling of being feminine even without having to conform to it (much like Magne did, and lots of people read her design as transphobic but tiger was literally there performing as a full transitioned man still comfortable with his feminine side, and it's like...all the trans women I know don't bother to shave and wear masculine clothes either occasionally or always even after starting hrt). It's finding a home within yourself as you slot the missing pieces into place and realize you find joy in different pronouns because they better describe you. Every trans person has their own wild ass journey and uses different ways to describe themselves with different things that bother them or don't and I think trans hc are fun for that very reason.

[kittick-art]

Wahoo, time for another Animatic Deep Dive!

I did this on twitter after my jeanmarco animatic came out last year, and I wanted to do something similar for the Royai animatic! This post will include HD stills from the animatic, as well as some nerdy insight into some shot choices and such, bc I need an outlet to geek out about it. Everything is under the ‘keep reading’ break! :]

Ok to start off, I wanted to show some behind-the-scenes stuff, including my first thumbnails I drew in my sketchbook, as well as part of the shot sheet that kept me organized (and sane) throughout the animatic.

Also, fun fact is that I'm primarily a 3D animator, so I used that knowledge to sculpt a rough version of Mustang's office for the final shot :]

Ok so now for actual stills...starting with one of my FAVORITE sequences to draw, which I have dubbed 'the scrolling bit.'

And a fun little composition tidbit about this sequence is that I tried to show the passage of time through Roy & Riza's placement in the shots. So in order, they progressively go from the right of the screen to the left. It was actually a really last-minute decision, bc originally I had two different shots (see below) which got scrapped in order to do that silly compositional thing. I think it was a worthy sacrifice because that drawing of Black Hayate on Mustang's head was just so fun to draw.

OKAY, now I want to move onto my favorite part of any animatic, which is the pretentious stuff about 'character placement' and "the deeper meaning." Blah blah, all that art-school kind of stuff that you'd hear in some film analysis class.

It's not intentional whatsoever, but I realized after the animatic was finished that Hawkeye is almost always on Mustang's righthand side, other than a select few times when he's the one supporting her. Feel free to look into that if you'd like, but just know it was not intentional and isn't consistent 100% of the time.

What was intentional, however, were these 4 shots, and specifically the placement of Mustang & Hawkeye within them:

These 2 sequences are meant to be direct parallels to each other, in everything including how Mustang turns to Hawkeye, and Hawkeye is already facing him. They were also my favorite shots to animate, especially with Riza coming out of her salute. Seeing them in the final animatic almost made me tear up, ngl. They're just so dang in love!

Finally, the last part that holds some artsy deeper meaning is a sequence I actually shared a long long time ago. I've dubbed it the 'spotlight section' bc idk how else to describe it.

Back when I teased this sequence, I alluded to some "deeper meaning" behind the use of red in the tags. And while the use of red is a pivotal thing throughout the entire animatic, it's most important here. It starts on Hawkeye's back, then transfers to Mustang's glove, and finally goes back to Hawkeye as her blood. Basically what I was trying to get at was something about consequences, and where flame alchemy has led them. In some way or another, Riza's decision to show Roy her tattoo ended up leading to her own (near) demise. So the red was supposed to show that transfer of consequence, if that makes sense.

ANYWAYS. Enough of me rambling. Thank you for reading if you somehow made it this far. All the love on this animatic - even since I first started teasing it back in November - has been insane to me. I still feel like I can't wrap my head around it. I'll leave you all with one last sketch from when I first started making the animatic. Have a good night, everyone!

[thesweetnessofspring]

I have to acknowledge that I am in my feelings about this A LOT because yay recent friend (at this point ??? on that description) drama

But this morning, after tossing and turning nearly all night and crying a little, I'm escaping into fiction and I just hate G@le H@wthrone. (mandatory oppressed teenager blah blah blah but this is about his relationship to Katniss)

And I think there's a reason why with the HG renaissance and people who were teenagers in its heyday are looking at him more critically now is that they've grown up been around guys that exhibit similar attitudes/behaviors and can see what kind of shit it leads to.

And the thing that is KILLER is that some people (less now, but they're still around) will defend this with pointing out good things he did without acknowledging the fact that up until the bombs, he was fighting and strategizing to get what he wanted. It's all there. He ponders on how to "convince" Katniss that he loves her, he measures up what he has in his arsenal to still win her ("that's the one thing I had going for me") and he's able to see animal's and people's perspectives in order to trap them and destroy. All of that is just so manipulative and gross and I cannot ever, EVER see anything he did for Katniss as anything but trying to satisfy himself. Going to the Capitol to get Peeta, even, is part of that. It's not heroic. It's still selfish. It's great because it looks so noble and self-sacrificing, but it's not. He needs Katniss stop obsessing with Peeta, she can only do that if Peeta is safe, and so he goes.

And people like to point out that he didn't force Katniss to kiss him in Two when she wasn't all there mentally, but again, everything he does is a strategy. I can't trust that even that wasn't something he weighed out and calculated against his long-term goal of securing Katniss as his partner.

And he knew her and he knew how to manipulate her. It's there time and time again, especially in CF. And there's always this cloak of protection around him of their past and how she had to lean on him before which led her to trust him but all of that is still used for his own manipulation. Whatever good qualities he has is put on as a veneer to protect himself from anyone seeing into how he's trying to move Katniss around to where he wants her to be.

And I don't care if Peeta respects him or whatever despite their rivalry. Peeta hasn't seen what we see or experienced Katniss's thoughts like we have and she doesn't talk to him about it. He's just the actual good man in this situation and knows how important the other guy is to Katniss and manages his feelings. G@le after all does have that veneer of "best friend, strong, protective, masculine" protecting him.

I'm so sick of predatory men getting passed by because of the face they put on to look good, while abusing women in order to satisfy their dick. I'm exhausted of trying to get other men to believe us, to LISTEN to what all of the women around them are saying about those men.

Maybe Suzanne kept it tame, maybe she didn't want G@le to be so obviously a conniving douche, but his behavior is reflected in real men who don't have authors with a carefully crafted message, just their own egos and self interests and they hurt people and we know them. We all know them. Some people just can't see it.

[redwineconversation]

Olympique Lyonnais Behind the Scenes (Episode 6)

Kind of like last month's segment, I didn't want to do this one either because of how annoying fucking stans are. They genuinely make me want to not translate / transcribe things because they have an inability to just take a step back and act like a normal human being / football fan. However, I also want [normal?] people to get to a point where they can understand this team the way I do, so it leads us to this: me screaming into the void at how much I hate stans overstepping boundaries while I translate a genuine cause of sleep paralysis.

Again, I feel this would be simpler if OLPlay would let one screen record and my technology skills were better, but here we are. Can't have everything in life.

Blah blah standard disclaimers apply; @OL Comms Dept either chip in for Starbucks or a bottle of wine, I'm cool with either option; banning stans from stadiums would make the sport a better place; what won't I do to put off vacuuming? Apparently not much; y'all know the speech by now.

Come for Cascarino being unable to hide her Lyon DNA, stay for Becho's admiration of the likable red team. Love a team who literally recoils in horror at the thought of being seen as human. It's not that Lyon creates monsters, they honestly don't. The players were already monsters before they signed for Lyon, the only thing Lyon did was take the muzzle off.

OLYMPIQUE LYONNAIS BEHIND THE SCENES (EPISODE 6)

[LYON -SLAVIA PRAGUE GAME FOOTAGE]

Danielle van de Donk: We had a draw against Slavia Prague at home as well. It was a bit frustrating, it was just not nice for us because we wanted to get into a nice flow.

Vicki Becho: It's not the kind of performance we want to do, it's not the kind of result we want. So it was disappointing for us, for our fans. It's the type of performance we have to keep in mind to tell ourselves there are still lots of things to work on, and that we have to do much more.

[OPENING SEQUENCE]

[LYON - STADE DE REIMS GAME FOOTAGE]

Delphine Cascarino: After the draw against Slavia Prague, we wanted to do much better, and then we played against Reims. There was good content in the game.

[LYON - STADE DE REIMS GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Becho: I was really happy for Euge[nie Le Sommer] because she was going through a complicated period and that she scored, I was really, really happy for her. I remember Eugenie's brace because I provided the assist on one of her goals. Having playing time again, getting some minutes under my belt, it was the best of things. And in that game, when I provided the assist, I'm happy. That's what I take away from it. Beyond that, I told myself that I can do much better and those are just the kind of performances I should keep in mind to do even more.

[LYON - STADE DE REIMS GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

van de Donk: Eugenie [Le Sommer] scored her 300th goal, so that was amazing for her. And I saw the people in the stands with the little paper going up. Everyone on the bench was asking what that was for, I think it was Laura [Benkarth] and I explained to her that she [Le Sommer] had 300 goals for Lyon, which is just amazing. It's great, they're so much more up to date than I am. They're actually very helpful.

Cascarino: Obviously - obviously we were happy for Eugenie [Le Sommer] because she deserves that status of top scorer for Olympique Lyonnais. And yeah, I hope she will score many more. It's quite frankly exceptional for her and the club. It shows that she's really a club legend.

[LYON - STADE DE REIMS GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Cascarino: There was a good context within the game. However we conceded a goal, so that was - that was a negative.

[LYON - STADE DE REIMS GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Cascarino: Conceding a goal is never easy, be it for the goalkeeper or even for the forwards. We owe it to ourselves at Olympique Lyonnais to not concede any goals.

[LYON - STADE DE REIMS GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Becho: We won, but it remains super frustrating because we've been conceding quite a lot lately. At the beginning of the season we weren't conceding at all. Lately we've been conceding more. We need to do better. We know our previous performances haven't been that good, we need to do better in terms of defense, and offensively we need to do much better.

[LYON - STADE DE REIMS GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Becho: At the end of the game, when I saw Eugenie, I said to her "Another one? Another record? How am I supposed to catch up to you?" [Becho laughs. I don't] No, I really like to tease Eugenie. I'm really happy for her. She leaves such a big imprint at Lyon and even in French women's football, and global women's football. And I know that for many girls, she's a role model.

van de Donk: After the game, in the locker room, we celebrated of course with the song and everything. We did a little bit extra for Eugenie [Le Sommer], of course, because it's just amazing to achieve that.

[TRAINING FOOTAGE]

[UWCL DRAW FOOTAGE]

Cascarino: So there was the possibility between Benfica, Ajax and Hacken. We landed on Benfica, who is a really good team. So yeah, we know it won't be easy. They drew 4-4 against Barcelona. So we're expecting a really good opponent.

Becho: They can cause problems for us, so we will need to avoid falling into their trap. We'll need to play really good football to get past them. I would have liked to have played against Ajax, I see what they're doing this season and honestly it's incredible. They manage to sell out their stadium, they're doing a lot of things. So they're a really good team that I wanted to play against. In any case, to win this competition we have to beat the best.

van de Donk: I do think Benfica is like very tricky, they're all very technical players. I feel it's just like the Portuguese team. As we experienced it lately with the Netherlands, they're quite hard. But yeah, I'm just very excited. I mean, they're kind of my style of football so I love to see them play, now I have to play against them. They want to keep possession all the time, they have all the skills. It's just going to be frustrating, but we're just not going to have to bite, you know. And then get them when they're the most - I don't know how you say it - when they're the most vulnerable?

van de Donk: The thing is, when you build it from the back, that's kind of my quality, coming out with the press[ing]. I know when to go, so when people do it, it's fine for me. But I do think that Lyon has a good press. It's kind of our game.

[MICHELE KANG FOOTAGE]

Cascarino: Honestly, it was positive than it ended - that it became official, but unofficially we knew that the club had been sold to Michele Kang, so it was just formalities that needed to be sorted out. Now it's done and we can move forward with peace of mind.

Becho: We talked about it a lot. We heard a lot of people talking about it as well. But as long as it wasn't done, we couldn't look ahead as much as we can now. And now we have peace of mind. We know there is someone there for us, we know there is someone who wants us to have the best possible conditions. We know our future is set, so there aren't any worries in that regard. We're very happy on our side.

Becho: She hadn't even officially taken over her role and she was already doing a lot for us. We saw the number of staff members increase. A lot of things changed. For the better, but with the caveat President Aulas had already done an enormous amount for us. Knowing there will be this person going forward, it was reassuring for us.

Cascarino: Since Michele Kang's arrival, there has been a lot of positive changes. There's almost as many staff members as there are players. So it shows we're becoming even more professional. We're getting even closer to what is done for the men's teams. So it's really positive for Olympique Lyonnais. In every area, whether it's nutrition, fitness preparation, psychology, mental health, in every area, if there's any doubt then we have someone we can ask questions to. It really helps us to reach the highest level.

van de Donk: We were kept up to date with how the process was going with Michele [Kang] buying our side, of course. Because as soon as she stepped foot in our changing room, when I met her, I was blown away by her. I think she's amazing. She's going to do very, very good stuff for women's football. So yeah, I'm a big fan, not going to lie. When I heard it was done, it was just a nice feeling. I think we're in good hands.

van de Donk: She's so involved with the women's side. She was already making so many changes for us. You can tell that she wants things to be better and bigger, which is really nice for the next steps of professionalism in women's football. When it was all done, because everything in France takes a while I think, I think it was very good. I was very happy.

[TRAINING FOOTAGE]

Becho: You're not allowed to lose a Lyon - PSG game. You're not allowed to lose. Those are the types of games we like to play, those are the types of games we want to play.

Cascarino: We know that PSG knows us by heart, we know them by heart. So it really comes down to tactics to win the game. We worked really hard in preparation for PSG. We worked really, really hard on tactics that week.

van de Donk: Every time we play against PSG, it's just - it's wild. I think everyone goes into a different mindset. I think everyone is just a little bit more focused because the rivalry, it's just amazing. It's just a different kind of level, everyone just really wanted to beat them.

van de Donk: Before the big games, we do a lot of tactical training during training sessions [news to anyone who has watched Bompastor coach recently]. It's not necessarily my favorite part of training sessions, but I like all the small stuff, all the small games, the technical stuff. But I do think we need all the tactical stuff. But it was good. You can taste what kind of game you're going to play or something. It's hard to describe how it is if you're not a player yourself. But normally you have a whole week to prepare. So the beginning of the week it's a bit more chill, a bit more jokey, we can have a bit more of a laugh during training. But before PSG it's just not like that, everyone is focused, "we need to get this and go."

[LYON - PSG GAME FOOTAGE]

Cascarino: It was a pretty close game, pretty difficult.

Becho: We started the game off well. We started really strong, we managed to press pretty high, we're in their half. We had chances.

[LYON - PSG GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Becho: As time went by our level dropped, we weren't pressing as much, there was a slower reaction time. We weren't unified. We were a little - how to say this - we were late in the press, and it could be felt. The team opposite us starts to gain the upper hand over us.

[LYON - PSG GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

van de Donk: Obviously they have a good team, super fast wingers. On the midfield, I feel they just overload us. The attackers are dropping into the midfield so we're having to play four or five against three. It's going to get complicated if we don't do the defending very well.

[LYON - PSG GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Cascarino: It was pretty frustrating to see that we weren't able to do it.

van de Donk: They had one long ball on Chawinga. It's complicated because she's just super fast. It was outside of the foot, I remember. So it was actually a very good goal, but it's just hard. Don't allow them anything and you give one long ball away and it's goal.

[LYON - PSG GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Becho: For the whole game we didn't give them any opportunities, and that's - that's the top level. If we let them have one opportunity, we'll pay for it. We told ourselves that we had done everything not to concede that goal, but yeah. We conceded. So now we have to switch on.

van de Donk: No, losing is just not an option for us. There's certain players on the team who make sure we're not losing. They keep the standards very high and whenever we need to be picked up, they will pick us up. I think it was kind of an equal game, like both parties were in the "gray, but not bad". It was just a bit of a weird phase in the game. Luckily, when Delph[ine Cascarino] came in, she changed the game so, so much.

[LYON - PSG GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Cascarino: I felt that the team needed help in that moment and was losing 1-0, so you have to take risks. You really can't hesitate to go into a challenge, and press for a goal.

Becho: I think it's harder to come on when the team is behind, because you don't have the same way to react. When you're losing, you want to do everything quickly, you want to score, you want to equalize. When I came on, I said to myself it will come from us, the substitutes. The game was at a bit of a stalemate. You have to bring something extra to the team. They have to feel like we are there for them, that they can count on us, that we're a relief.

Cascarino: It wasn't easy to come into the game, especially a game like that with so much intensity. But I owed it to myself to give it my best for the team.

[LYON - PSG GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Becho: Delphine [Cascarino], when she comes on, we know what she is capable of. The opponent knows it too. But I don't think they were expecting her to do it so quickly and at that moment. Delphine got the ball and she did what she had to do, what she knows to do.

[LYON - PSG GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Cascarino: Well in that moment I felt there weren't really any solutions because they were defending well, really, really well. They're playing one-on-ones. I could feel when I got the ball PSG as hesitating. So I took advantage of it and faked passing in order to dribble past some players. Then I put in a strong cross. I said to myself "it doesn't matter, Ada [Hegerberg] is a little behind." But I put weight on it anyway. And she managed to get the defender off balance enough to put the ball at the back of the net.

Cascarino: At that moment we - you're not thinking. You're acting on instinct. I saw there was a small amount of space. I scampered into it and it paid off. Sometimes it doesn't work, it depends. It depends on the situation. It depends on a lot of things.

van de Donk: Delph[ine Cascarino] did this trick with her leg, it was crazy. She runs with the ball. She's super fast, first of all. It's hard to keep up with her. And then she does stuff with her leg in the air, and she keeps going and goes past you. It's just done.

Cascarino: It made me happy in the moment to have been at the origin, if we can call it that, of the equalizing goal. But I was still disappointed with the final result because we didn't win the game.

[LYON - PSG GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Becho: We weren't able to put forth the style of play that we wanted, but we didn't lose and that's what we should take away from it.

[OLPLAY STUDIO ANALYSIS]

van de Donk: I had no idea where Montauban was, it was a bit of a shock. It was quite far as well. But it was a cool game to be fair, I think they had a good crowd going on.

Becho: The away trip to Montauban, it reminded me a little of the away trips when I was young. You could tell the crowd was family-leaning.

Cascarino: Montbaunan was playing the game of their lives. It was good, the crowd was really pushing them to play well, so it was nice, we like those sorts of games.

[MONTAUBAN - LYON GAME FOOTAGE]

van de Donk: Games like that, they always start off a bit weird because the pitch is not as good, the opponent is fired up because they're fired up because they're playing against Lyon. They always go the extra mile, I would say, a bit harder in tackles and everything.

Cascarino: We gave ourselves a fright at the start. Unfortunately I gave away a penalty. I think it was the first time in my career.

[MONTAUBAN - LYON GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Cascarino: Maybe subconsciously there was a little bit of carelessness. Maybe a bit of tiredness as well. The month of February is never easy physically. So maybe that's why there was a bit of a drop-off.

van de Donk: I think we're just very patient as a team. Instead of killing them straight away, I think we're like "get into the game first, play our game, and then the goals will come". In the end that was true, but the second half was more easy.

[MONTAUBAN - LYON GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Becho: It was nice but in that moment, I wasn't thinking that- I was frustrated. Like I said, we've been conceding more goals lately, and it's something that I really hate. We are Lyon, and we - I want no team to think they can beat us or even think to themselves that we tossed them a bone or that they got something from us. No. We can't let them have anything. So I was frustrated to have conceded that goal.

[MONTAUBAN - LYON GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

van de Donk: Yeah, everything is a bit harder, it's a bit always - when you start the game, then after five minutes you know what kind of game it's going to be or how they are exactly. But that's why they are a bit more hard. I think it's a bit more difficult but very exciting always.

Becho: In the end, when you could see even the substitutes, Eugenie [Le Sommer] come on, Ada [Hegerberg] come on. We know we're a team where you can count on everybody.

Cascarino: Yes, the second half was much better and the goals kept coming.

[MONTAUBAN - LYON GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Becho: After that, we were really happy to see Alyssia [Paljevic - former Lyon academy goalkeeper, best known for being the same height as Selma Bacha], who used to play with us. We were happy as well because we qualified for the semifinal.

[MONTAUBAN - LYON POSTGAME FOOTAGE]

van de Donk: Before the game I saw Alyssia, our little goalie from last year. I think she's amazing, she's such a good kid. So it was really nice to see her but I could tell in her eyes that she was a little bit down. I figured it's because she didn't start the game. But for her it was really nice, she came on so she could play against her old club. She's just amazing, I love her.

[INTERNATIONAL BREAK]

Becho: We're leaving for the international break.

Cascarino: First of all I really happy to be called up by the head coach. It was really nice for me to go back to the French National Team and play in my city [Lyon] as well. So it's really a pleasure for me to play in the Groupama Stadium. And yeah, we were really happy to have won.

Becho: In the final, we were playing against Spain. They were playing at home. We know that in that moment we have an entire stadium against us. But it's okay, we tell ourselves it's a final, it's the League of Nations. We have to win it. They were better than us, we're not going to hide it. They had a better game plan than us, we tried to play with what we had.

Cascaarino: They played really well tactically. They really moved the ball around, they really lulled us. And yeah, we know it, it's the style of play that they have and it worked. Unfortunately for us we weren't able to impose our style of play and, yeah. I came on as a substitute. It was complicated to come on in that type of game, especially when we were down 2-0. We weren't able to get any goals back.

Cascarino: Now we are ready for the month of March and we hope we will win everything in the month.

[allterrribleideas]

TADC Ep 2 The Caine Train

Blah blah blah Caine does this thing. We get a quick gag of Bubble saying something that has to be censored ha ha funny joke laugh at the gag

OH YOU THOUGHT THAT WAS A JOKE YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS A THROW AWAY LINE HUH DID YOU WELL? Well maybe it is. But I want to mention that when Bubble curses, it isn't censored the same way the 'human' characters are. In fact, it's weird that Bubble can curse AT ALL. Since the whole thing is censored it's even weirder, we've only seen individual words censored out so far too. This leads me to believe (random speculation) that NPCs can curse or violate the content policy or whatever, but when they do it the 'system' or whatever (since that seems above Caine's control) censors it differently than when humans produce censorable content. This might matter! We've seen Pomni and Zooble get censored via hilarious gag and that would confirm they're both humans, maybe!

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Moving along, Zooble seems to consider going on the adventure, and Caine is pretty frantic at trying to get her to join in. It seems like he to some degree requires the consent of the humans to do stuff, but I'm not gonna read too much into that. Zooble, by the way, has some SHOCKINGLY awkward looking walk animations this episode. I think it's understandable she (is it she? I don't want to get the pronouns wrong but I'm kind of out of the loop on that particular discourse) doesn't want to tag along since her body is like...not very robust looking. Kind of a bummer!

Pomni refers to everything as 'LARPing', which is like, yeah that's what they're doing, and harkens back to her belief that all of this stuff is just fake nonsense. Ragatha doesn't even disagree! And, gloriously, Ragatha starts LARPing right in the next scene. How fun.

One last thing I'll mention is that Gangle in this scene is completely quiet and just wears her comedy mask the whole time. Gangle in particular is very interesting to me- she represents kind of the comedy/tragedy blah blah blah you know what I mean it's the classical theater thing. Importantly though (so far) Gangle's 'comedy' bit is basically nonexistant, literally just a mask for her apparent permanent angst. She wears a happy face like Ragatha does!

[dumbjackass]

starting to feel kind of like shit but not overwhelmingly so. been off t for a month almost now and tbh I DO normally feel this blah and lazy especially after my long shift. so maybe I feel the same. I don't want to make myself feel worse anticipating that I'll feel bad like a lot of folks report. I've just been thinking so many dork cliche shit like "take it day by day" which pisses me off but it does help lol

lots of family stuff going on and the chaos is stimulating so its hard to completely chill or rather have no energy.

my cousin thinks my mom is dying but I've just heard of her and her siblings dying before and then living so its just kind of hard to react to at this point. we're "estranged" since I was 24 and I don't know if I'll feel guilty when she does die. I know people will be mad at me because they're watching the misery shes in. I only know its there and believe people. I've considered reaching out but I don't even know what I'd say. "Fuck you for being a bad parent when I was a kid and a shit person as I've been an adult" ? like what's the point.

im just not sure if I love her. like I think part of me does because shes a person and I believe everyone deserves basic humanity. And I know her behavior stems from her own abuse so my heart does hurt for her somewhere. sometimes I have access to that feeling and sometimes I don't.

i also know if I did contact her, her anger would come out and thus mine would. I try to be a self reflective and self aware person but no one makes me react like she does and I have no way of knowing how I'll feel because I haven't talked to her in 6 or 7 years. I used to scream and smash shit and cut myself living under her roof but I also had no other way of getting the lead out because I had no way to live on my own until I did. and when I did I changed a lot. I just don't want to revert back to being a teenager.

Anyway, I just don't know if I have anything to give her or tell her. I don't wish her well I just don't wish for her pain (all the time). it feels like jekyll and Hyde. one of me wants to punch her in the fucking face and tell her rot quicker and just fucking die already and one of me wants to tell her I'm sorry for all the pain shes endured and that its okay.

being a Libra is so hard...jkjkjk...

[anxiouspregnantlady]

9+6 - first OB appointment

Woaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh

Had been feeling fairly calm leading up to the appointment. But we did health history & blood pressure and talked for a while before it was time to try the doppler, and I was so super nervous that my *own* heart beat was drowning out every other sound. It was BOOMING. Honestly, it was ridiculous. It was so fast that it could've been a fetal heart beat -____-. When the NP couldn't find anything from baby she was great, firm & kind, told me she was not even a little bit worried at all, and promptly wheeled in a super old school ultrasound machine. And then I got to see baby, albeit super grainy, with its heartbeat and it was rhythmically waving its limbs around!

So. This baby is happening.

Still feeling pretty blah, nausea wise. Exhaustion seems to have lifted quite a bit, which is nice - although I'm seeing here that only five days ago I was complaining about how tired I was over here, so I suppose that is a very recent development.

I'm going for my first official 'intro to climbing' class today, which is a bit funny because I have been climbing intensively for years, but it is time for me to lay aside my love for bouldering and try to embrace top roping. I decided I wanted to take a class because P is getting really eager about climbing too and asks all the time to do "wopes" (ropes) rather than just climbing up to a height where we can support her. If I'm going to be belaying her, I sure as hell want to be properly instructed. To add to the fun, K (who has vehemently declared that he HATESSSS climbing all this while) has had a sudden change of heart and asked me to buy him climbing shoes. Maybe my dream of us being a climbing family will actually come to fruition!

Nothing else really noteworthy from my appointment... they're checking all the usual bloodwork plus thyroid. Next appointment is at 14weeks. Hoping for a steady decrease in nausea between now and then, plus a growing bump.

Idk if I'm talked about my belly yet on here but since 9 weeks there has been SOMETHING going on. It's thicker. I can feel it. Also, I think my linea nigra is slowly coming back. Fun!

[invisiblerhythmcat]

I fucking love Till the End of the Moon

It fit in the same kind of box in my brain as Wuthering Heights - it really does fit a kind of gothic romance thing.

but, I really struggled with caring about the romance of it all. Which, for an aroace, I usually get really attached to the romance being portrayed, so this was weird.

but, I think what happened is that the relationship pings a very specific dynamic for me that is incredibly uncomfortable.

See, for me, Tantai Jin is probably the most autistic-coded character I've seen on screen for a long time (for example, the whole basically copying Xiao Lin to figure out how to be a person...) and so, I feel like a lot of his relationship with Ye Xiwu is "neurotypical who is helping by teaching him to be more neurotypical". And yes, she does a lot to help him navigate emotions, socety, etc, but she also is instilling social norms at all times.

And it does get to a patronizing level. At the same time, he is constantly forgiving of her (even when he thinks she poisoned him, he is willing to forgive and forget because she came back to him), and she takes advantage of that.

It's "oh, poor Tantai Jin just can't figure emotions on his own, time to take advantage of how forgiving he is to just manipulate him into having the emotions I want him to have" (and come on, making him fall in love with her so she can kill him is creepy)

And I have seen and been in a lot of similar relationships - where people take advantage of me because I'm forgiving, or where people think they're saving me simply by being nice in a creepy, patronizing way.

My desire was to have this reverse 500 years later, where Li Susu has to really enter Tantai Jin's world and learn how to operate by his norms. And they do, kind of. Li Susu realizes she wasn't just making him fall in love with her to kill him. She realizes she loves him and is significantly less controlling of his choices. She's grateful and happy for what he gives her.

Even when he makes choices that scare her, she believes in him. Even when she has reason to completely distrust him, she still willingly enters his separate fake Bo're life with him and enjoys it with him. I definitely enjoyed that part of their relationship better.

But Tantai Jin never really gets to lead in their relationship, even in marrying her (a bajillionth time). He never gets to have a moment to teach her the way she taught him. All he gets to do is sacrifice himself for her.

And, my god, if that isn't uncomfortable. Of course, at the end of the day, the autistic character whose main relationship already has Very Sketchy power dynamics at play, ends up sacrificing.

And, blah blah, fate, destiny, character arc. I know. i highly doubt this was even a consideration in the creation of the drama.

But it is still something I experienced while watching and I think it's worth acknowledging. it's a beautiful, incredibly drama. Also, for me, it's not a romance, except in the most fucked up gothic sense, it's much more a tragedy.

[zerobaseonefics]

i'm glad to know i'm not insane because 😪😪 doom at your service ricky has taken over my mind

but i also thought for a bit about the other zb1 members and which kdrama male lead they'd be and i already have a few of them!!

so first of all the lil cutie park gunwook. HE IS LITERALLY THE LOVE CHILD OF HAN SEOJUN AND LEE SUHO don't tell me i'm wrong because i am RIGHT. he looks super intimidating and acts so confident just like han seojun but soon enough we find out both of them are just cute boys that deserve all the love in the world💔💔 and like suho, gunwook is academically smart and comes off as intimidating but he's just a lil awkward that's all.

the second candidate is kim taerae as this bro from while you were sleeping i forgot his name. BUT i just thought of it while on the toilet and everybody knows toilet thoughts are superior. like both of them are super attractive but they're also kind of losers (affectionate 🫶). idk but taerae just fits his vibe SO MUCH i swear!! i can see him doing whatever the male lead did in the show. the awkward things AND the brave/badass things 😽

and then we have your bias as kang chul from w two worlds. they're both the main characters from their shows and. idk. hanbin just fits the vibe toooooo much. he would be SO cool as an agent or whatever tf kang chul was but yeah millionaire hanbin, rlly smexy🤧 he cared so much for his friends and family, it's just. ugh. perfect.

and lastly, the last member is jiwoong but it's probably not as accurate. kang taemoo. IKIK ricky "young and rich tall and handsome" and all that blah blah but jiwoong just fits so much as well???? i can literally see him go "you know what my credit card and my love for you have in common? they both have no limit" and then send a wink your way. taemoo was flirty but unintentionally, jiwoong would do it intentionally 😪 also we know that taemoo was for the boys and the girls (he and his manager......... 🤨) and we know what jiwoong was doing before lol.

yeah that was all i could think of. i kind of think hao could be lee suho while gunwook would be han seojun but yeah gunwook fits the both of them ate the same time a lil too much. i haven't watched enough kdramas to assign all members a male lead sadly☹️

-anon_x2

ok im sorry that im answering this just now omg i read it yesterday but tbh i was so tired my brain couldn't speak english correctly....... and i wanted to give you a proper answer cUZ I LOVE YOUR MESSAGE

you're sooo right about gunwook and if i had to choose which one of suho or seojun i'll give him, i think i'd go with seojun bcz of his personality. ++ the way seojun respected jookyung regardless of whether or not she loved him back, and never left her side </3 this is a very gunwook thing me thinks

next omg WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING IS MY FAVORITE KDRAMA </3 i can totally picture him in jung jaechan cuz you said it yourself... :

AND HE IS ONE. A LOSER WHO ALWAYS ENDS UP WINNING BUT STILL.

i could've seen gyuvin in this as well BUT THEN. idk if you've seen weightlifting fairy kim bokjoo BUT HEAR ME OUT GYUVIN IN THE ROLE OF NAM JOOHYUK IN THIS ONE. IT'S SCREAMING GYUVIN THE MAN IS ALWAYS CAUSING TROUBLE AND JOKING AROUND BUT‼️‼️‼️ HE'S SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT‼️‼️‼️ bonus point : he is tall

now i have to correct you SUNG HANBIN IS NOT MY BIAS 👹👹👹👹 EVERYONE IS SAYING THE CONTRARY BUT MY BIAS IS GUNWOOK 👹👹👹👹👹👹 i've never finished W cuz the female lead was pissing me off but i can definitly see hanbin playing kang cheol ✋🏼 however . i have another proposition . idk if you've seen the korean movie 20th century girl (if you didnt, i recommand you to!! it's not long since it's a movie and i personally loved it) but hanbin is giving pong woonho

i haven't seen business proposal yet so idk the character you're talking abt for jiwoong </3 but with what you're telling me abt him, it seems quite correct and jiwoong is an actor anyways he better adapt to my anon² thoughts 👹

as for hao i could say baek inho from cheese in the trap???? or maybe i'm just saying this cuz he plays music and im in love with both of them

[the-firebird69]

Watch "Meet my viral TikTok team #dreamteam" on YouTube

Ken his laughing and it's because my son is saying I don't understand any Vietnamese accent and he's doing a nice stash I'm s handsome man it says your face is squished down because of your buddy. So he's trying to get in touch with his illness and her son says just half the brain and that's it it shouldn't be the body and they're messing with you. The Jackson is true there's not many stem cells from the brain except in your face teeth for some reason drains down so he gets that and he's trying to be rough with him or something just saying that's good enough it's not going to work for him he said he's got some kind of army work on it when he was a kid and actually hit them and he says you taught her how to do it and he says wow I did because what happened she came in and she took the material and then she left and showed me the product in vanished. So bunch of people heard it instead of laughing and said how big were the babies the babies were as big as you saw. Really normal sized and I guess they come out that way but they came out real fast. Where are they they were underneath Governor wills bunco and Governor ducaca head. And that was Trump because we hate him and she knew a lot more about him than I did cuz he took over from ghwpb and we're still trying to get information. Just started getting mad I said who are these Giants were fighting Galactus and they said that's very fun grandkids buddy f*** off. And your like him wonderful. So something is this free s*** be given out in the middle of the desert in Arizona so they said okay and that's going to be there about 3 weeks so we're going to set up a f****** tent there. I'll send my son down he can talk to you about it you see him in the videos which one do you like the best you like brown colored people or green so they start laughing we don't want either one well there's three of them so they said we don't want to see any of them I said that's easy they can come out and cloak and they said I don't think he's getting it I don't think you're getting it this was protecting me and I should have them protect him because you're a f*****. It started screaming this we're like all trumpsters okay so if I get rid of you here I'm getting rid of you from over here my son's hear me the ones that you say don't exist. So their plans again though they tried to leave they couldn't and can left and eat your heart out but Ken will start to tear up and he said I don't know what to say that's why he's doing it and he keeps saying it and what happens is these assholes start laughing about his kids and it works and so Ken says he wants you to blah get rid of you because you're such a nuisance so he's trying some stuff up and it works and they come around they waste them and say that's good ken. The problem is these guys are like the leading for Tommy f whatever obscenely stupid

Thor Freya

And it's Mike the maintenance man he looks like the character next door so we want the guy out of there

[shinraelectricpowercom]

So someone in the notes pointed out that it's a little? weird? for Idril to be a participant in the "asking Turgon not to execute Eöl" thing, and I agree that JRRT's rationale for it was probably just more of his "women as tempering influences and Kind, Merciful People" thing which, blah, boring.

That said! I do think there are some potential reasons for both Idril & Aredhel to be against the execution that actually reflect on or contribute to their characterization beyond "womanly and kind".

Aredhel: it's possible she still loves Eöl in some way and wants him not to die, period; it's possible she hates his guts & wants him punished, but not dead, because she doesn't think killing people is a good solution to problems (anymore); it's possible she wants him dead but doesn't want Maeglin to see his father die; it's possible she wants him dead but doesn't want Turgon to do it, because she wants to do it her damn self, or something else; it's also possible she's thinking about the politics.

Idril: as @foiazoli noted, it's possible she just wants Turgon to not kill someone, whether that's for Turgon's sake or anyone else's. She also is presumably aware of Aredhel's past disagreements with Turgon re: Aredhel leaving Gondolin, where Turgon basically went "I'm the King, you have to listen to me" and Aredhel had to set down an ultimatum to be allowed her own desires, and has decided that she's going to support Aredhel because if Turgon won't listen to his sister, maybe he'll listen to his sister and daughter. And then the politics.

[The Politics hidden under cut bc I love talking about politics & it got. long.]

THE POLITICS: In the relatively precarious situation of Beleriandic International Relations, Turgon executing Eöl is possibly VERY RISKY. Depending on your read of the text, it's possible that the only actual crime Eöl has committed at the point where Turgon says "I'm gonna kill him" and Aredhel says "do not kill him" is "attempted murder". I know Gondolin's entire thing was "planning to stay isolated forever", but to anyone who didn't think that would work out for the actual rest of time (eg, Idril), "the King of the Noldor's second son executed a visiting Sinda for injuring his sister" is potentially disastrous for the Noldor (& especially Fingolfin's followers) in terms of their credibility with other groups if it becomes widely known.

Even in the reading where Eöl did abduct & rape Aredhel, there's questions of process & authority: Eöl, who the Quenta makes very clear is a subject of Thingol, has committed a crime against Aredhel, a Princess of the Noldor; whose law do they follow? They're in Gondolin, where Turgon is King and makes/enforces the laws, but he's legally subordinate to Fingolfin; what do Fingolfin's laws say about this sort of situation? The crime was committed in Nan Elmoth, and Eöl explicitly rejects Turgon's (and Fingolfin's) legal authority over him, so should he be punished by Doriath's laws? Is Thingol in any way culpable for his subject's misbehavior? Should he be consulted about the punishment?

All of these questions are rendered moot in practice by Gondolin's isolationism of course, but that doesn't mean they wouldn't rapidly become VERY VERY RELEVANT if that isolationism ever ended and word of Eöl's summary execution got out, and Thingol was still a major player on the political field; which you would expect him to continue to be, as it's only the intervention of Literal Fate (in the form of Beren-meeting-Luthien) that leads to Thingol's death. So I personally would rather play it safe & cautious wrt Not Pissing Thingol Off if I were a politically-minded Fingolfinian in Beleriand.

I don’t even think it’s textually supported that Aredhel would have been happy with Turgon executing Eöl. If anything, the textual evidence we do have is that “Aredhel and Idril moved [Turgon] to mercy”, which is presumably to say they convinced Turgon not to decide to execute Eöl BEFORE Aredhel died, which means that at that point, even after he tried to kill their son, Aredhel still doesn’t want Eöl dead. (Or at least doesn’t want him executed.)

And then she dies, and Turgon immediately executes Eöl.