#which leads me to believe theyre just Searching for someone to be mad at

[angryaromantics]

It's so fucking weird how reductive people can be online. Like, do you really think me complaining about niche issues that predominantly affect aromantic people on my aro sideblog means i have no hobbies or joys in my life? Do you think, in the weeks between posts, I am sitting stationary, stewing in my frothing rage, and doing absolutely nothing else?

You can see very little about a person while just combing their blog for something to get mad about. Can't you just block me like a normal person? Don't worry, I'll do it for you <3

[multishipper-baby]

heyyyss !! dont know if youve talked about this before but i know you have an interest in eakoweddy and/or eakowededdy and i was wondering...

what is your vision of freddeak? (i dunno what theyre called.. sorry) i mean. i can imagine fredeak and eakwynn dynamics but i have some trouble thinking of a dynamic for freddy and eak so i wonder what YOU think of them. im really curious !!

-Vibrates- YES I can absolutely tell you about my freddeak dynamic! I have a lot of thoughts about them, both as a duo and as part of my OT3/4 madness, so I’ll try to explain all that a little. Warning: this is very long and rambly. I'm sorry if you wanted a short answer lmao.

How the ship happens

With this ship, we have a few interesting narrative points we can explore:

Eak is currently working with Owynn in his quest to find shadows, so he’s an antagonistic figure in Freddy’s life.

Eak doesn’t know Freddy has a shadow yet, and Freddy doesn’t know anything about the villains' plans, which means neither of them are aware of their antagonistic relationship yet.

Eak doesn’t actually want to work for Owynn or hurt anyone, but instead is doing it out of a desire to help Cami. This means he’s very likely to betray Owynn if given the opportunity.

So, what can we do with all this? I think it would be very interesting to explore the possibility of Freddy ultimately being the reason Eak decides to leave Owynn’s side, outing the whole plan and leading up to a victory for our heroes. It would be very poetic, I think, for Owynn to lose because someone from his team chose Freddy over him.

But how would we get there? It’s simple- like I’ve mentioned before, we know that Owynn is looking for shadows. Cami is the one who has the magic violin and her ability to control people, but in Ep. 4 Season 2, Owynn asks Eak how the search is going, which leads me to believe that he’s supposed to be doing something offscreen related to finding the shadows. As far as we know, though, Eak doesn’t have any special abilities, so… What is he doing? I like to think he’s the one keeping an eye out for rumors, trying to figure out who could have a shadow through the grapevine- looking for people who talk to themselves, or have odd mood changes, or seem to act differently depending on the day. And because of all this, it’d be easy for him to figure out something could be going on with Freddy, and decide to take a closer look. Especially if he knows Owynn has a special interest in him. So, now we have a reason for the two of them to interact. How would their dynamic work?

I think it would make sense for them to form a very casual friendship, at first- nothing exceptional, just classroom friends. Someone you hang out with at school and like alright, but aren’t close enough to actually invite to your house on the weekends or something. Eak wants to figure out what’s going on with Freddy, but he’s obviously going to look suspicious if he immediately jumps into trying to be best friends after not talking to the guy during most of their school year(s). And with their time together, there’s a chance for things to slowly take a turn.

Eak isn’t evil. He’s willing to do some evil things for the sake of the plan, but it’s clear that he isn't having fun with it the way Owynn is. The only reason he’s even helping with the plan is because he cares so much about Cami, and later, because he’s worried that things going wrong will lead to Towntrap getting hurt. He’s obviously a very loyal guy and, if he even got close to Freddy, I can imagine his loyalty would start getting in the way. So he’d be the perfect character to finally get the animatronics on the loop of what’s actually going on, hoping that they’ll be able to help him (and Cami, and Towntrap) get away from Owynn. I don’t even think Freddy would feel betrayed (although maybe he’d be a bit hurt) by Eak lying to him at first, given how understandable his situation is. I mean, who wouldn’t lie if it’s to save their friends from death? So, they can work together to defeat Owynn and have their little happily ever after.

The dynamic

Okay cool, we have a way for the characters to get close. But how would they actually interact? What kind of relationship would they have?

For starters, I think they would have a good start in the relationship, given the fact that Eak would probably know about Fred from the start- and wouldn't find that all too surprising. Eak is already informed of the shadow world, and of magic in general, so I think he'd be able to help Freddy navigate that part of himself more easily than someone who isn't as aware of it like the animatronics. Not to mention that Eak already knowing who Fred is and what he is means that there's no need for Freddy to hide or feel nervous about him, so that would be a pretty big weight off his shoulders (especially since I think Fred and Eak would get along. I ship them too, after all).

Plus I feel like Freddy deserves someone who's a little too devoted, someone fully ride or die. The animatronics are good and I like all their friendships, but Freddy is always getting dragged into weird shadow stuff and has a villain gunning for him- he needs the guy who would risk his life just to help a friend.

On Eak's side of the whole thing, I think he'd be glad to have someone a little more on his wavelength. Cami and Towntrap are polar opposites in every way- one who's very serious and another that never seems to fully grasp the seriousness of the situation. One who's cold and unfeeling and another who feels things too much. One that's smart and cunning and another who somehow fucks everything up. He loves them, but they're kind of A Lot. Having a partner who's more relaxed, more down to earth could do wonders for him. Someone needs to keep him from going insane, and Owynn definitely isn't going to do that lol.

A thing worth mentioning is how much Freddy teases Fred in Season 2, once their relationship is more friendly, and how much Eak does the same to Towntrap. They would love poking fun at each other and you can't convince me otherwise. They can be a little mean, as a treat <3

Also I have the headcanon that Freddy is touch starved and Eak is canonically very touchy. Freddy who's too shy to say he wants affection x Eak who is so comfortable holding his hand and putting his arm around his shoulders and sitting close enough to touch that he does it constantly. I want good things for Freddy, what can I say?

A tangent about my AU

If you’re not aware, I have an AU called “FHS: Farewell Despair Highschool”, which is a crossover AU with the characters of FHS inserted into the plot of Danganronpa. I’m mentioning this here because working on this AU is actually what really sold me on the ship, so I’d thought it made sense to mention how their relationship works in it. Be warned though that if you haven't played Danganronpa this part might be confusing.

Since the AU takes most of its elements from Danganronpa, I thought it'd be interesting to think about what an actual full game for the AU would be like. Because the entire thing would be completely from Freddy's point of view, all the characters will be filtered through his eyes and they'll need to interact with him for plot and character progression. So, I had to think about how Freddy's relationship would be with all the characters, and how each of those connections would develop as the game progresses and more people die.

During murder investigations, Eak and Freddy end up working together quite often- with Eak being the one that watches over the scene of the crime and examines the corpse most often due to being one of the less squeamish students, while Freddy is the main detective that ends up solving all the cases. Due to this, Eak ends up being on Freddy's side when there's conflict amongst the class, becoming somewhat loyal to him. In his eyes, despite Freddy's flaws, he's still the one that's pushing them all forward by solving the mysteries so far- which means they'd all be dead without him. This becomes especially true given that Freddy's biggest rival is Meg, someone Eak doesn't get along with.

So, our anxiety ridden and zero self-esteem Freddy now has someone on his corner. Eak isn't the only one who's supported him, of course, but by Chapter 4 most of his friends are dead, leaving only Eak and Usagi as his main companions. He feels more confident in his reasoning abilities, given that he's been able to solve everything the game throws at him so far, but emotionally he's breaking down more and more as their numbers drop. He's in need of this small support system he's made for himself more than ever before…

…and then Eak becomes one of the killers. Not to save himself, mind you, but to get rid of all of them. Eak wants them all to die, for a reason he won't specify, but that he assures him is very important. He needs to kill them all for their own good, because he cares about them so much. They need to trust him and choose death. And Freddy doesn't get it, can't understand it, so he lets Eak die to save the rest.

Except he later finds out that Eak was very much telling the truth: he tried to kill them to keep a secret so horrible, so despairing, so awful that it threatens to destroy all of the survivors mentally. But together, they manage to pull through, and find out that everything that's happened to them was only part of a simulation. Which means that they have the chance to reunite with all of the dead students… Eak included.

Now, this AU isn't about freddeak. Not only is it not canon, but it's not even the main relationship Freddy builds in it- that would probably be Freddy and Usagi, or Freddy and Chica, or Freddy and Meg. But I thought the dynamic between these two was very interesting as I examined it more deeply, and I couldn't help but enjoy it a lot. I love the idea of them becoming friends. I love the idea of Eak defending Freddy when he's too unconfident to defend himself. I love the idea of Eak's betrayal, and how it's not actually a betrayal, but an act of love towards his classmates. I love how later learning the truth about what happened reframes it almost like it was Freddy who betrayed him, by not believing in him while Eak always believed in Freddy. I love the idea of them reuniting and working through their awful trauma together. It's very detached from anything canon, but it certainly won me over.

I actually have thought more about their reunion and the “post game” storyline and all that other stuff but that also has a lot to do with a larger group dynamic and both their relationships to Owynn so we'll leave it here for now. But since I mentioned Owynn, how about we transition to…

The larger OT3 dynamic

Okay last section I promise. Now, we'll be talking about my idea for freddeak in the context of eakoweddy (Fred is there too but won't be discussed much because he's got other stuff going on and this is already getting long).

So obviously I like eakwynn and oweddy- just following me for a while will make this abundantly clear. I like a lot of Owynn ships. However, I don't think a lot of Owynn ships would be necessarily healthy. He's the villain, he looks down at others, he's willing to hurt basically every character we've met so far for his own ends… he's just not a good dude. This isn't really a problem for me, as an enjoyer of complicated and toxic relationship dynamics, but it does leave me wondering: if we wanted a ship that could redeem and help Owynn become a better person, what would that look like?

I think Freddy, on his own, would have a good shot at it… but he'd definitely struggle. Freddy, for all he tries, isn't very good at being assertive with anyone that isn't Fred. He's often pushed around or ignored by others, and Owynn is very much used to doing these things. Owynn has also shown so far that he's likely to hide away his true intentions and personality with the heroes, so we don't know how willing he is to show Freddy his true colors. Not to mention the whole “Owynn blames Freddy for some unmentioned transgression and seems weirdly obsessive about his revenge” thing. Very gay, but not very healthy.

On the other hand, there's Eak. He already knows all the worst parts about Owynn, knows all of his flaws and bad intentions. That's one of the main appeals of eakwynn for me, the idea of falling in love with someone after already seeing them at their worst. And Eak is a headstrong guy, who isn't afraid to speak his mind, even when what he wants to say is rude. If Owynn wasn't holding Cami and Towntrap over his head, Eak would definitely call him out whenever he crosses a line. However, I don't think Eak would necessarily be able to really “redeem” Owynn. I always imagined their dynamic as a more mutual thing; Eak makes Owynn a bit of a better person, but Owynn also makes Eak a little worse. See, I think Eak being a very loyal person has the chance of making him a bit of an enabler, too willing to look past the bad behavior of someone he loves and too willing to defend them when he shouldn't. He can call out Owynn when it's necessary… but he might not want to do that.

But the two of them together? I think they would balance out each other's weaknesses. Freddy keeps Eak from forgetting his morality too much. Eak makes sure Freddy is heard and not brushed aside. Freddy shows Eak the best in Owynn, and Eak helps him brace himself for the worst of Owynn. They compliment each other wonderfully.

And they can also work as each other's emotional support. Because of course not everyone is going to accept that they want to date someone that hurt them both. I imagine the animatronics, Cami and Towntrap would be far from thrilled to learn about the relationship. But with both of them dating Owynn, they can talk about him without worrying about judgment from others. They get that part of each other. Bonding over mutual bad taste in guys.

It's nice to have a crazy guy to smooch, but sometimes you want to also smooch someone less crazy. They're each other's less crazy <3 and I think that's gay.

Conclusion: Eak and Freddy should kiss.

[iwannainspire]

rambling 12/15/18

so lets start with the universe

i’m feeling more and more connected to the universe lately. i’ve always felt a connection to the universe, but its different now. like my relationship with ethan maybe. we used to fight, but realized we’re family and stuck together, now its all love and he’s so much cooler than i used to give him credit for. same goes for me and the universe

anyways, i feel like i can feel the vibe in the room. everyone can but some rooms have more tension. the outside is sometimes calm and other times its chaotic regardless of how many people are out there with me. i feel overwhelmed by the chaotic air when there are no people and i feel overwhelmed by the people in calm air. idk calm air is easier to walk in tho people or no people. i feel like my horoscope is always accurate and even if its not i check my friends and see theyre right. i like vice horoscopes because theyre vague ish. yknow? like it just tells you how the day will feel not what will happen. i like knowing how the planets change moods. i am connected to the planets and the tides. the universe moves and i move with it. my emotional state does. my psyche?

i feel overly connected. i feel the universe too strongly sometimes and it weighs me down or pulls me off my feet. i live in a snowglobe for days at a time caught up in the tides of emotions that don’t always belong to me. i invite them in and let them go in their time tho now which i used to not do. i used to ignore feelings i didnt like and sought out the happy ones. the search left me disappointed because happy wasnt as happy as i expected it to be. i put a lot of pressure on myself to feel happy when i knew sad was the one knocking at the door. ignored him or asked him to wear a happy mask. disrespected him and only made him feel worse. i’m sorry sadness. i accept you now. i invite sadness, anger, frustration, jealousy, anxiety, etc to come in and talk. where do you come from? what do you need? how can i help you before you carry on your way? i know we’ll meet again, but we won’t fight and hurt each other like we used to. let’s be friends.

i’m trying to accept all of my emotions. not just the happy ones. holding on to happy isnt good. trapping happy hostage when he comes to visit lol. locking him in the basement so he can’t see the sunlight and bloom. he gets sick and dies down there then you’re left alone again with just the painful memory of happy. it didnt have to be painful! let happy come and go as he pleases! i promise you he will come back if you let him go. don’t hold on to old happy times when you could be making new ones. live each day!

————-

zephyr-

the thing about zephyr is

idk. i forgive him. he isn’t evil or a bad guy. he is a product of his circumstances. he was born and raised to be this way. the environment and political climate he grew up in created him. it’s not his fault he is the way he is.

but he could be better.

i think zephyr is immature. i think his parents failed him. i think he failed himself. i think we all fail ourselves and other people. nothing to feel guilty or bad about tho. who has time for guilt for the past when the future is always a second away? accept what happened, where you are, who you are, and move forward. keep moving forward because you can’t go back. alright im getting weird and off topic now but anyway,

zephyr has a good heart. he has an innocent child’s heart. he’s young and immature. he was raised to believe he’s a grown man since 4. he makes his own independent choices. nobody can tell him what to do. he resents people telling him what to do. even if its good advice or something he knows he should do and was going to do but wont now because someone told him to. he’s an idiot. but it’s not his fault. he’s just immature.

he is sexist and shitty. it’s not his fault? but it is. he knows better than to be homophobic/transphobic/misogynistic/racist/EVERYTHING but he still does it because he has been told not to be. and that’s not okay with him. he doesnt like being told what to do more than he cares about how the other person feels when telling him what to do. its a virgo thing i think. not selfishness, but just stubbornness.

so zephyr could be better and he knows it, but he won’t be. he has to decide to do it for himself. i can’t make him decide to be a better person. i can’t make him understanding of others if he doesnt want to be. i cant teach him. i could, but why would i? i spent years climbing that hill and never reached the top. then it occurred to me that i had my own hill to climb. i need to take care of myself, not zephyr. he is not my responsibility and i am no one else’s but my own.

so i forgive him. im not mad about the time i spent climbing his hill to never reach the top. i wouldn’t have been able to see my mountain with its patchy trees and shrubs as beautiful if not for the barren desolation of his mountain. thank you zephyr for teaching me so many things about myself.

i am stronger than i thought i was. i’m always surprised by my growth because i can’t see it while i’m in it yknow. being with zephyr was experiencing growing pains and now that they’ve stopped i’m taller and stronger than i was before. thank you zephyr for making me feel alone. i found a friend in myself. thank you for making me feel smaller than i was. it makes it easier for me to see how much i’ve grown. thank you for hating the same things about me that i did. i know exactly what to work on loving and embracing about myself

i hope you can learn to love your true self too

————-

people have demons. i believe everyone has a good heart. this is leading off the zephyr paragraph bc he’s an example of a real human but it’s not about him.

i think all people are born innocent. theyre babies! completely and 100% being themselves. i think everyone has a good heart. nobody at their core wants to inflict misery on another. life is what you make of it and you are what life makes of you! it’s the universe!! we’re all connected to it and thus connected to each other so nobody at their heart of hearts wants to do anything to hurt the universe we are all a part of. but things happen! not everyone feels as strong a psychic connection to the universe. we have demons too. we have anxieties and jealousies and angers. they look like the wendigo to me. or centipedes. semi-translucent grey shapes lingering in the shadows. big ones stomp around making the floor shake. they rocks at you from a distance. they follow you when youre walking home alone at night. they whisper in your ear. they slither through your blood stream making your heart beat too fast then too slow and your hands cant stop shaking. they twist in your stomach and bubble up your throat. they wait until you aren’t looking to move.

do you do what they say? if you do that then maybe they’ll stop terrorizing you! they’ll leave you alone and you’ll spend the rest of your day worry-free. right?

wrong! everyone has demons! they don’t stop! but guess what? theyre not as strong as you think they are. don’t give in to them! they’ll invite their friends and by then you’ll have a real problem. demons breed demons. don’t feed the demons.

so what do you do? you can’t stop them and you can’t give in to them. should you fight? you could try that. you could try ignoring them too. i’m not really sure yet honestly. i know you shouldn’t feed them though. i’ve found ignoring them to be the easiest option, but it doesn’t kill them. so maybe it is a good idea to fight? fighting makes me tired, but the demons aren’t as strong as you think. tackling one or two a day shouldn’t be too hard and then i could take off weekends.

but wait, let me tell you that fighting the demons isnt a risk-free option. be prepared to lose to them every once in a while. but if they get you down, dont stay there. get right the fuck back up. finish the fight if you can or go home and take a nap to regain strength but dont just sit there in the dirt feeling defeated. never do that because you’re a fighter. life isn’t fair. everyone has demons and we’re all fighting our own battles.

so don’t judge people so harshly because you don’t know their battle. maybe their demon of the day is a level 2 maybe its a level 20. we all have good hearts and we all have demons. some of us have fallen for the demons and their tricks and that’s why we do bad things. the demons want to disrupt the universes cycle. i’m fighting them because i want to protect myself and everyone else. we’re all one