#which is. close to impossible
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terrible terrible part of not growing up with a very very big piece of media is that once you get into it older, there is just So Much. and you're like well shit how long will this take
#im the kind of person who HATES missing details about a show or a game or anything#like i have to know everything#which is. close to impossible#but i have to feel like i have a very large and accessible library of Source Material that i can consult at all times#because i am also terrified of having a surface level interpretation of a character like man just take me away to the guillotine atp/j#let me atone for my sin#it's a fun process though.. Learning Shit#it just takes so long. and i want to know everything NOW NOW NOW#but alas i am a human being with basic needs and responsibilities and not as much time as they'd like to have#whatever!!!!!!!!#yeah this is about dr who#making my way through modern who first#then ill find a way to watch classic who as well#i know there are audio dramas and also books but i have no idea where to start with those#if anyone actually knows I'd appreciate your Friendly And Wise Guidance Thank You
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anbu tattoos remain one of my favorite things in naruto purely because they’re like a sign of ownership. anbu ninja are tools moreso than than the normal shinobi of their village. so much so that the village marks them with a signature that everyone recognizes. and even when that anbu—that tool—is allowed to rest, manages to leave anbu ranks, or dies, they remain branded by the village that owns them. they don’t truly escape, they can always be called on again because a tool does not have feelings, it does not have choices, it’s only made to be utilized by those who know how to wield it.
anyway. anbu is so fucked up and minato…i love minato but the illusion that he’s a pure little guy who’s a wife guy and a little shy nerd is crazy. he saw kakashi, someone he’s seen grow up, someone he’s guided and taught, some he’s supposed to care for. and he thought, ah yes, i need to keep you close to me. how best to do it? perfect! you are now forever marked as an asset to me and the village! and he does it with what he assumes to be love in his heart.
and i’m not saying this is a good or a bad thing, the morality of minato’s choices within the context of the story is nothing entirely out of the ordinary, but the way in which he’s portrayed, how we see him and his demeanor… it’s all very much a sweet facade to mask what’s hidden underneath. he’s twisted and calculated and ugh, i love him. because he genuinely thinks he’s doing the best thing he can by kakashi and also by the village. kakashi is talented. he has a sharingan and he’s vulnerable. of course minato wants to help but he also sees an opportunity and he strikes. now they have kakashi of the sharingan in their highest ranks, and he won’t ever be able to escape the duty instilled in him. not unless he becomes a nukenin but everyone knows by that point that kakashi is so indoctrinated, the thought of leaving never crosses his mind.
and then minato dies. and kakashi is still a tool. his feelings should not affect his use. but they do. and for the first time…
kakashi of the sharingan, anbu hound, thinks maybe… leaving the village might be a good idea. if not to get away from everything. he can’t be a good tool if he’s rusty and broken. he can fix himself, he can he can. he doesn’t want to keep breaking over and over again. it hurts it hurts it hurts and the village never puts him back together the right way and for once he just wants to feel whole.
so when kakashi disappears, it’s quiet. it’s full of guilt. ashy tongue, scratchy throat, tears in his eye, and aches in his joints. but he leaves because he needs to be whole to be useful again. but it hurts. it’s not right. he’s not supposed to feel this way. he’s a tool he’s a tool he’s a tool. a weapon. an extension of the village’s wide reach. he almost can’t bear it. he throws up bile all night, on the verge of returning and getting on his knees and begging for forgiveness. he didn’t mean it, he’s sorry he just wants to be better. to feel better.
he doesn’t return that night if only because he can’t make himself get up. his body weak and feverish. he’ll go back the next day.
but he doesnt. he feels better the morning after. only a little bit but it’s enough. maybe he can take care of himself. he can mend his wounds, tighten the loose screws, clean off the rust and dirt. he can do it.
and for every day he stays away, he feels better. more whole. he’s still a shinobi. he does odd jobs when he can but mostly, he takes to helping out villages in need. he likes to help out on different farms, it feels right to him, like something in his muscle memory. he’ll also help with construction if needed, anything that uses his hands in a thoughtful, meaningful manner is good. it makes him feel good.
he likes being a shinobi, he thinks. it doesn’t feel quite right when he says that anymore. but he loves the way it feels when he builds something instead of destroying it. when he uses chakra to make the kids in all the villages he visits eyes light up with joy and wonder. he loves using katon for fires that create. he loves it he loves it he loves it.
it takes time to learn what he’s feeling, and the ever remaining guilt and shame linger in his chest when he remembers that’s he’s supposed to just be a tool and he has to return back to his wielder at some point. but for a long time, years even, kakashi lets himself be something else. something that feels close to human and he thinks he can put off going home a little longer.
#kakashi hatake#naruto shippuden#hatake kakashi#minato namikaze#anbu hound#anbu tattoos#what if scenario#kakashi returning to nomadic hatake clan roots#getting in touch with his inner farmer#i just think he deserves to rest#and to be a little selfish#he can figure out the rest later#sequel to this#obito comes and picks him up so he can be the akatsuki’s live-in gardener#he just wants kakashi close again#and he’s not an enemy anymore#sure he’s still a shinobi and a prodigal genius but his fight is gone#until well#until obito is put in danger#which is basically impossible but kakashi doesn’t know that#and then the feral animal comes out#kakashi the weapon reappears and he’s no longer so reserved and quiet#he’s snarling and severe#wild and untamed#and he kills any threat that tries to disrupt what he has#obito finds it incredibly hot#cuz he a freak#obkk
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I went to see the day the earth blew up bc of your post and I can't believe Daffy Duck is confirmed transgender
YAAAAAY I'M SO HAPPY TO HEAR THIS!!! that's great!!
i've been loving the influx of trans Daffy posts i've been seeing because of this film... he's been laying eggs since at least 1950! this isn't even anything new! always has been!
okay well this is actually incredibly misleading because that is, in fact, not his egg but he took credit for it anyway BUT. he does lay an actual egg at gunpoint ("that just goes ta show ya! you don't know what you're gonna do 'til ya gotta gun against yer head!") . so the point remains the same
also check out this officially licensed trans Daffy fidget cube? or i guess trans Tweety gay Daffy fidget cube? both? i don't know but it makes me laugh out loud every single time i see it
#i still have asks to get to that amount to 'hi im new here what do you recommend' (YAY): GOLDEN YEGGS DIRECTED BY FRIZ FRELENG IS ONE OF#THEM. VERY VERY FUNNY GOOD CARTOON#that close-up painting is one of my favorite paintings of all time god Paul Julian is so good#and i love that pic of them together Porky is so proud#and that's also a whole nother layer of comedy in this short. Daffy is i guess Porky's duck because he has chickens and geese on the farm#but Daffy is literally just some guy. his introduction is so funny to me. it's literally just the normal Porky and Daffy dynamic but not.#it's so funny#i am the token cis friend of my friend group(s) but i must say i do agree that Daffy Duck is gender. that Jimmy Neutron screenshot where it#a pie chart that says girls boys and duck lovers that's me#so i get it and heartily celebrate and rejoice#just remembered a very funny quote my friend said once: 'Is it impossible to believe a cis woman could love porky this much?'#(because i've had multiple people assume i'm a trans woman from the way i draw < ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????#and because pronouns in bio. which even without solidarity theyre there because i've been mistaken for a guy! because of the way i draw!!!)#(i mean i act incredulous but i know why it's because surely women can't draw funny cartoons or have interest in golden age cartoons)#for now i instead salute all you trans Daffy truthers out there go get em tiger#anonymous#asks
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what i really wanna see is layton and sholmes from tgaa together...the time period is still slightly off but definitely less off than with phoenix and sholmes also likes to be a mysterious ass who definitely knows the answer but pretends not to so it would be a fascinating case of 4D chess between two guys who try to suss out each other because they both arleady solved the case at hand
#me yapping#tgaa#professor layton#herlock sholmes#for sure it wouldnt be closely as fun to play as pwvsl or tgaa because it requires the player to be on the same level of understanding#which is quite impossible somestimes due to gameplay and narrative reasons#but DAMN would it be entertaining to watch a small special case
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odysseus the moment when, for the first time in 20 years, nobody is trying to kill him: whelp, guess it's time to kms
#epic the musical#like he's so real for that#it just makes me giggle#also the fact that ruthlessness is mercy#in this case being ruthless to himself is the only mercy against the voices in his head#also also the fact that he became the monster#i.e. the thing he is now fighting#man vs monster to man vs self pipeline is the same battle#also also the fact that he chose his life over everyone else's and is immediately like#fuck#actually i don't want this#but not just because of the guilt#which would do it for any mortal#but because he's battled hunger and storms and monsters and gods to get home to his wife#and now he's on a literal magic prison that makes it IMPOSSIBLE for him to get home to his wife and kid#the only thing he wants to do#like no wonder he's going through it#“please let me close my eyes” king i love you#you may have killed a baby and your idea of greeting the world with open arms is pre-poisoning wine with lotus juice but i still love you#at least the musical version#fae rambles#odysseus
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you ever just read your wips from an outsiders perspective and once you’re done, you think, “wow, I really hope the author finishes this,”only to realize you’re the author that needs to finish this.

#I’m back with the milk#You have no idea how many wips are so close to being done#If I just sat down and wrote 2 paragraphs to conclude the story I would be done#But those two paragraphs bake in my cerebellum for 2 years#I’m holding a gun to myself#Gun to your head finish a fic this month#Impossible challenge don’t disappear for months at a time#Like the wip doesn’t even need to be good but it’s not done#Therefore incomplete and I do not read incomplete stories#My ao3 perma tags are English and complete works#One is non negotiable the other is a need#I’m not telling which one is which
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Liam Interview in The Guardian, 4 June 2017
#liam gallagher#oasis#liam on noel#2017#liam interview#lg solo#liam on nghfb#things#i wonder if this scenario or something close to it did play out after beady eye split up#by that i mean noel putting out feelers about a reunion and liam saying no#because noel was out there telling rolling stone circa jan 2015 that he was open to a reunion#then two months later he recorded dead in the water#the lyrics of which are about fighting for a relationship but the title of which is used more often to describe#a deal or a plan or project that no longer has a chance of going forward#like a reunion scheme?#with his 2011 album and council skies he talked about wanting them to tell stories from the first track to the last track#so what if noel recorded CY because he was thinking of the 'story' it would tell to reunion#'brother's arms' and all that#and then other factors made that impossible?
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full special multi-21 presser transcript
Q. Before Malaysia you were viewed as the good guy, but since then you have become the bad guy. How do you feel about the situation? SV: I don't consider myself being the bad guy. I don't think I did something that was in particular bad. I think I said everything I had to say after the race, and I apologised to the team - which was important to me to get things straight. I took the opportunity to go see the team after the race straight away and explain what happened from my point of view, like I did to you after the race, and that is it.
Q. Helmut Marko has been quoted as saying there will be no more team orders at Red Bull. How much more difficult does that make your job of winning the championship? SV: I don't know. I haven't seen Helmut yet. But it makes no difference.
Q. How do you define your relationship with Mark Webber now, and do you think you can count on his support? SV: I think being completely honest, I never had support from his side. I have a lot of support from the team, and the team has supported both of us the same way. But in terms of relationship to Mark, I respect him a lot as a racing driver, but I think there was more than one occasion in the past where he could have helped the team and he didn't.
Q. Is that why you did it then? SV: I explained to you why I did it. But whether you believe me or not is on a different page.
Q. But you said that Mark never helped you. Were you paying him back? SV: You could say indirectly so, but as I tried to explain to you after the race, in my opinion it is always best to be truthful. But sometimes the truth is not what the people want to hear. As you can see controversy is more popular than the truth. I told you after the race what happened. I was racing, and as a racing driver I was solely focused on winning the race and I got a call on the radio, which I heard, but I didn't understand at the time. I should have understood. That is why I apologised to the team, because in my action I put myself above the team. Whether you believe me or not is up to you.
Q. Didn't you know exactly what you were doing though? SV: I apologised to the team because it was the last thing I want as a team member, which is what I am and how I feel. I am one of the guys, you might say I am more or less important but I feel more or less on the same level and as a team member I didn't obey the team's order, which as I said was not my intention. My intention if you look at it as a racing driver is to win the race, so I don't apologise for winning the race.
Q. Going back to earlier in the race, was the decision to change to slicks at the first stop your call, or was it made by the team? SV: It was my call. I came on the radio at the beginning of the lap saying that it looks pretty dry. At the end of the lap I felt it was the point of crossover and I thought I would come in and take the risk, because I thought it was dry enough. Unfortunately as it turned out it was not the perfect call and it was probably one lap too early. Plus I had the gap, so I was not in need of being the first one in. But I felt it was the right time and that is why I went for it. As it turned out it was still a bit damp, plus I came out in traffic, turn 1/2/3 was still a bit damp so people passed me straightaway on inters, and then I was behind them when I came onto the dry section and couldn't make use of that. So the bottom line is that I lost too much.
Q. Was what happened later on your way of making up for it then? SV: Well what happened was that I was racing and I wanted to win. In that regard, I succeeded.
Q. You apologised to Mark after the race, but you are not doing so now. Have you changed your mind? SV: These kinds of things I sort out with him straight away, face to face. I think everything that happened in the past, there was sometimes more talk about what happened, sometimes less. It is not my style to run to the media and explain myself. If I have something to say then I prefer to say it internally.
Q. During the race you were backed into the Mercedes by Mark. Did that annoy you? SV: Not annoyed, I came on the radio and said that I was faster. I think it was a bit misunderstood because probably what I said came across a little bit arrogant but what I actually meant was that I had pressure from behind. Mark speeded up as soon as I got closer and to be fair he was even a little bit faster towards the end of the stint. At the beginning I ran a little bit into the back of him, which I am not blaming him for, and Lewis was very close, Mercedes had strong race pace and fortunately from our point of view they ran out of fuel and they could not keep pushing until the end.
Q. Have you been punished by the team? SV: There are a lot of marks on my back! No. As I said, I like to deal with these things face to face. I have always been open and I think I have always been truthful so if I have something to admit or talk about something I did wrong, then I have no problem admitting it. It is probably not the easiest to say the truth but that is what I did straight away after the race, and straight away to the team as well. My intention was not to put my interest above the team's interest because as I see my position, I am a team member, I am one of them - and the team is putting a lot of effort to give me a good chance to win races and have a strong car, and ultimately trusts me. I want to give that trust back as much as I can.
Q. Do you think Christian Horner's position has been weakened by your actions? SV: Well you could say so... but as I said, I went to talk to everyone straight after and explain what happened. The intention was not to undermine the decision by the team principal.
Q. How do you go about resolving the situation with Mark? Can you trust each other? SV: I wouldn't call it trust, to be honest. I think we have a professional relationship. As I said in the past, obviously, there was more than one occasion where things didn't work the way they should have, and as I said - I respect him a lot as a driver. I think he has achieved great things in his career in F1, and also before F1, and I respect that.
Q. Do you want a different team-mate next year? SV: It is not for me to decide.
Q. No it's not your decision, but you can have an opinion. Do you want a new team-mate? SV: I see where this is going...but I don't like talking bad about other people. It is not my style to complain or talk to everyone about everything. If there is something that I feel I have to say, I do address it to the people that are important for the decision.
Q. Had you understood the team order properly, would you have obeyed it - as you had saved the best tyres for that final stint? SV: I think as you mentioned, I was faster in the end. That is why I was able to overtake. Overtaking is not easy, let's not forget that, in F1. If I had understood the message and would have thought about it, I am not sure I can give you a perfect answer on this because thinking about it, obviously I probably had realised in the moment that there is quite a conflict, because on the one hand I am the kind of guy who respects team decisions and the other hand, probably Mark is not the one who deserved it at the time.
Q. So you would do it again under the same circumstances? SV: I am not sure I can give you a proper answer because in the moment it might be different, but I would probably do the same.
Q. How do you deal with racing Mark now? SV: It is not the end of the world here. At the end of the day I cross the paddock entrance every morning because I do something I love, I love racing and I love coming here, I love working with the team and the guys, I enjoy that a lot. It gives me so much satisfaction and I cannot think of anything else that gives me that much pleasure. I think the bottom line is I don't want to forget that. Sometimes we have easier or more difficult times but at the end of the day I am here for that, and that is what I enjoy most.
Q. Christian Horner said that there was no point in ordering you to give up the lead in Malaysia as you would have ignored it. Is that a sign that this is your team now, and that Christian is no longer in control? SV: I don't think that is right. I think the circumstances for that have a different nature. He is the boss, he is in control of all the employees and he is leading the team so I think I am not in any other position than I am. I am the driver.
Q. But you broke an order and you got no sanction? SV: I did speak up and I did apologise and I meant it. Sanction as in punishment? Maybe it is a little bit of a dreamland that you all live in, but what do you expect to happen. Make a suggestion! We dealt with it internally. As I said I did apologise to the team, I took it very seriously, I went to see the whole team as soon as I could, not just the people working here, and told them as well.
Q. So if Christian had asked you to give the position back, would you have done it? SV: I didn't mean to ignore the team's order because I didn't understand it. I heard it but I didn't understand it in the proper way, the way I should have. I apologise for that because with my action I disobeyed the team order and put myself above the team. Had I understood the message and had I thought about it, reflected on it, think what the team wanted to do, to leave Mark in first place and me finishing second, I think I would have thought about it and I would probably have done the same thing. He didn't deserve it. To me it is best to be myself. I have always been truthful and I said the truth after the race.
Q. You said that you don't like to talk about other people - but you complained about Mark earlier in the race on the radio... SV: Your translation is complain, my translation is that I can see why, because if you take it word by word, I can see how it means and how it comes across. The fact is I was faster at the time and I was under pressure from behind. As soon as I closed the gap to Mark he speeded up - I had no problem with Nico at the time, and I was able to pull a little bit away from Lewis. In the end it wasn't enough but I am not blaming him for that.
Q. Will the war in the team affect your title hopes? SV: I don't think we have a war, to be honest.
Q. So what part of Multi 21 did you not understand? SV: It is a code....believe it or not is up to you. I can only say what really happened, whether you buy it or not. I was looking on the steering wheel and got a little bit not confused but couldn't find the map change as we do map changes all the time in the races, you don't get that usually. I am not sure if you got the code as well. We have this code for quite a while in the team and I should have understood, full stop. But I didn't.
Q. Why do you believe that Mark did not deserve to win? SV: I don't like to talk about other people. It is not my style. I have said enough. The bottom line is I was racing, I was faster, I passed him, I won.
Q. Is it not the case that you passed him because you knew that Alonso was out of the race? SV: Honestly I didn't care where Fernando was.
Q. But he is likely to be your main competitor. Maybe you don't consider Mark as your ultimate competitor and you couldn't go away from that race leaving seven points on the table? SV: Well, to be honest with you I didn't think maximum points, maximum points. I thought winning the race, winning the race. It is race two of the championship. I know there are so many races. We have won the championship three times in a row. I know how many things will happen. Sometimes you will like it, sometimes you will not like it. But over the course of the season...things like what happened to Fernando when he damaged his front wing slightly, and that meant end of the race, zero points. These things will happen to everyone over the course of the season. Like it or not. Can you get away without it happening? No. There is probably a reason but you are also a little bit lucky. But these things, they hit on everyone and in that moment, race two of the championship, I don't think about numbers. I don't think about points. I think about winning the race. Ultimately you can say it is stupid, but from my point of view if I think about the championship and the points situation too much then I am not in the moment. I am not racing. I will give away a gap, or I don't go for the gap, because maybe I think it is too risky, I shouldn't do that because I might lose points - and it is better to have 12 points in the bag for fourth than three more points for third. You don't have time in the car where, if you are really going for that gap that all of a sudden is there, to reflect on whether it is right or not? Is there the right amount of risk or not? If you see a gap and you are free in your mind, you go for it. If you have any doubt you go for it and you crash. I can give you an example. Last year I started dead last in the pit lane in Abu Dhabi. I damaged my front wing and I was dead last again. I was fourth at the end of the race, with Jenson to pass. He was very difficult to pass because he was as quick as I was. You could say, I came from last, Fernando was only two places ahead, what is the point for three points? I am in the lead of the championship, so relax. Take the points and don't risk the very risky manoeuvre I had with Jenson. I saw the gap and I wanted to finish on the podium. I went for it. I knew the championship is important and I wanted to win it; but I saw the gap and went for it. I didn't think twice. And I got third place, and won the championship by three points. So...that is my view.
Q. There is a lot of tension between you and Mark. How are you dealing with it? SV: We say hi just like we do every other time.
Q. Is this ultimately a big fuss about nothing? You gave the fans what they wanted to see, you were given a team order and you said screw it, I am here to win, I am here to race... SV: I had a very normal two weeks, very quiet. I had time to prepare for this race which I am happy for. I tried to prepare and I am here in the best shape I can be and I am looking forward to driving the car. Maybe that sounds too simple for you, but that is how I feel.
#i paid $6 to autosport for this and just about lost my mind trying to find it again so i might as well actually post it#had it in my drafts for two years now#sebastian vettel#chinese gp 2013#multi 21#f1#wish the full vid was easier (i.e. not impossible) to find online as i don't fully trust this transcription but close enough#there's an awful lot of misinfo out there about what seb said (which is part of why multi 21 is so compelling)#but genuinely the truth is so much richer...seb chose his words VERY carefully. he's too smart to let some quotes out there#aaaaand post
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Second Chance Round - Match 2
#okay theres no contest for me you cant beat abbacchio its impossible#prosciutto might come close but its the true lesbian icon leone abbacchio#also theres so many part 5 characters here in the second chances huh#im eventually going to do a statistic analysis on which parts won or lost the most#leone abbacchio#jjba prosciutto#prosciutto#paco laburantes#jjba ghiaccio#ghiaccio#vento aureo#golden wind#the jojolands#jojolands#jojo no kimyou na bouken#jjba#jojo's bizarre adventure#who's hotter jjba#hottest jjba character bracket
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college … wasted on the youth (me)
#didnt help that 2/4 yrs was covid telezoom but man.. MANNN#forgetting how impossible it is to pursue rhe degree plan u actually want (advising hell) i feel like . theres just#so many diff things i want to learn now Knowing that im more solidified in my interests and who i am and what i would be interested in doing#and like.😭RGAAAAAQH TEARING MYHAIR OUTTT every other week i have a night where im sititng there like damn i couldve been sm1 completely dif#dgmw i still rly enjoy some of the upper div classes i Did take but what if i took x and liked it more or minored in y and it led me to z#bc i do feel rly set in where i am rn which . i DO ! like it but im never gna be in that environment where u have the flexibility to explore#ykwim . i wish i had taken physics and calc srsly . i always thought i hated that shit but i like it. i like it quite a lot actually😟#or more geology .. urrghh.. sprinkle in sme extra art history . no bc thats what actu pissed me off ab school#i rmbr wanting to dual major and they straight up told me no i cant . but then i was like maybe an arts major bio minor when i wanted to do#science illustration but sry we dont offer bio minor . ok bio major arh or studio art minor . no sry not enough open spots we rly only#reserve it for when we have extra openings post admission❤️#and then even late into sophomore year u would still be last in registration so all the cool classes would be closed#and then bc of covid half that shit was cancelled bc they couldnt transfer labs online (rip comparative vertebrate anatomy)#and then by senior yr an additional collection of classes were unavailable bc u dont have the prereqs bc the prereqs were cancelled during#covid and u dont have enough semesters left to actually take it . like it was gen such an awful experience so ik why i couldnt ever do what#i wanted but .😭 AND LIKE the classes i DID enjoy like genomics or molecular genetics were closed by registration and i had to email and beg#for access . thts crazy .literally crazy .#anyways . i think i want 2 start reading textbooks bc i think thats the closest ill get LMAOO#i remember seeing my coworker read a textbook for fun one time and idk why i just didnt understand why bc it seemed so dry but i Get it now#like yeah .. u knew what was up ..#sad too that like . i could theoretically audit a course but i Work..during the day .. so sad . so sad#guys wht if i just said yes to grad school (<the devil talking.dont agree)
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90s sonic comic moments
#sonic the hedgehog#archie sonic#sonic archie#some of the gags genuinely read as something from ‘tails gets trolled’#‘IMPOSSIBLE ive outlawed all religious freedom’ had me GOBSMACKED#anyways on the Archie run ive read the 1st 16 and on the idw run the first 50. closing in on the latest which i thinkkk is 76?#so far faves from the new characters include belle and surge#surge is actually CRAZY GOOD#her 2 second interaction with metal lives in my head rent free#telling him he cant replace sonic cuz she will… and then that he’s not even good enough to be her fake. bye.
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Massive protest in Buenos Aires against severe budget cuts for free public universities. People sing "And now you see, and now you see, those who don't jump voted for Milei".
#i didn't take the best video#but i hope it's clear that this agglomeration I recorded here was not even close to the entirety of the people gathered up to protest#it was so massive you couldn't get to the plaza where the protest was meant to culminate#because there was so much people it was entirely occupied and it was physically impossible to advance#the subways were filled to the brim in both directions and you had to stand in line to use them. which NEVER happens#people who you could never even concieve of going to a protest were there. people ideologically opposed to protests were going.#people of all different political leanings were singing their own songs and suddenly united singing our national anthem in unison#you do NOT fuck with our public education. universidad gratuita pública laica y federal.#on a tangentially related note#there were basically no reports of repression even though they had been going crazy with police brutality in all the previous protests.#i think it's bc there literally weren't enough cops to handle this amount of people#a revolution is sounding reeeeeeally appealing right about now
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"He's MY big brother!" The other girl is Melissa, an OC of mine, the brief story is that they meet each other, and after getting to know one another he calls her his honorary little sister. Jovi later finds out about this. And she isn't happy sharing. (doodle alongside reference image down below)
#ref was found on pinterest#so you know this thing has been stolen and reuploaded so many times it's next to impossible to find the original#which was probably from a japanese art site account that closed a decade ago#i'd like to draw my oc stuff more often#jovi#oc#trainer michael#ravinoforre#pokemon xd
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We’re on day six straight of “wake up in the middle of the night/morning hypervigilant and struggle to sleep again” which means we’re reaching the season of Perma Tension and Overthink.
Can’t wait to get through the next two days of work so I can start my week of suspension.
#personal skuun#there was money missing on my station is the upshot#and it’s been a really long time since I’ve made a mistake of that magnitude and yes it DOES happen#but it also looks like it might be coworker’s ADHD setting stuff aside to buy later and forgetting and then we don’t know where or what#I’m like. the third person being suspended for cash loss this month which is also unusual#COULD happen but it could be a lot of things#so I’m just like. trying to keep an eye on her and make sure it’s not a gambling thing#and keeping an eye on my boss who’s letting the chips fall on the off chance it’s him and he’s spreading it around?#I’ve seen both in my time here which makes it impossible to determine without another point on the mental graph#but it’s probably better it happens now#because this is one of two seasonal points where my sleep patterns and mental health run a little thin#and I’m most likely to make those mistakes then#my bills have reduced since the storage unit closure so I just need to kind of. tighten belt and stay home#which I’m good at anyway#although it’s funny because I know half my bosses will be at Pride on Miami Beach this weekend#it’s just two more days of paying close attention and then I can collapse#I’ve stockpiled foods in the pantry to try to make myself keep eating nice things#I have a ton of books and uh. varying. alcohols.#(sorry but sometimes I just want to be sedated and I’m med free running through these seasons.)#I have a beach cleanup event on Tuesday so I won’t be totally isolated/warped with a sense of uselessness/powerlessness#just have to hang on and see if my head clears. same as always.#got to introduce my mom to the flavor of perilla oil today though so that was kind of fun#and I can focus on moving my plants into the room…#maybe paint like I keep saying I’m gonna do and then don’t do#it just feels like my body’s made up of all these uncomfortable lumps#and then on top of it you get dreams that make you wake up crying and unable to get back to sleep for hours? fuck off with that
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I’ve been too scared to reread rtc to work out what needs to happen in chapter 13 because I convinced myself that the whole fic is a flaming pile of cringey flimsy garbage, but ya know what, I finally gathered the courage to (skim) read it and it’s not as bad as I thought lol. My interpretation and understanding of the characters has changed a lot since I started writing it (thank you to all of the extraordinarily talented writers in this fandom whose works have since shaped my characterisation for the better) so if I could go back, I’d make some different choices. But - and this is me putting this into words in an attempt to convince myself of its truth - this is a hobby, not a test. I’m not a failure because I’m not retroactively meeting the standards I have for my writing today with words I wrote six months ago. Are there bits of clumsy writing and mischaracterisation? Yes, absolutely. Does that mean I’m a bad writer and a bad person who should throw their laptop out the window and never write another word again? Probably not lol, even if rereading that mischaracterisation makes me want to do exactly that.
I’m glad I’ve pulled the bandaid off and reread it, a) because I kinda know what I want to happen in the next chapter now and b) because rereading it, despite the Shame and Embarrassment, reminded me that I actually like writing rtc. Even the bits I cringe at now - I remember having fun writing them. And then I looked back at some comments and remembered how much I love the sense of community that comes with putting myself out there, even though being perceived by others is probably my biggest fear. I like writing, and I like sharing my writing. Why am I letting shame ruin this for myself? I want to stop feeling icky and embarrassed about things I worked hard on.
Anyway. All this to say: I like writing rtc, despite the flaws I see in it, so I need to learn to work through my learned response to imperfection, which is to just feel terrible about it lol. I’m going to start messing around with chapter 13 soon. I really do miss playing around in the rtc world and I’m so excited to show you all what I have planned for the characters <3
#finally doing tumblr right by oversharing like this blog is my diary#I hope this is relatable to at least one (1) person#stop aiming for the unobtainable goal of perfection challenge level: impossible#all of this and I’m still too lazy to actually edit any of it lmao#I think I’ve been more motivated to work on Wishbone because I think it’s an objectively better piece of writing#compared to rtc which I think is patchier#I am so very grateful that people like rtc#we are all just our harshest critics#on the bright side I still think the dinner scene with black and the electrician is one of the funniest things I’ve written lol#‘close your mouth and open your menu’ remains hilarious to me
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as the day goes on, the pit of dread in my stomach grows deeper
#💢.butcher#🫀.vents#expecting an email about court results#I feel pretty sick about it honestly#extremely concerned that if he gets sentenced worse because of us he'll come after us#which is impossible but he already tried to fuck with us using his family and shit so who knows#I'm not going anywhere without a weapon#I'd buy a gun if I could#I know that our roommate would straight up kill the guy if he came near us though#I told her the whole story and she had a look like “oh yeah I'll kill him if needed”#we're probably fine#we live in a high rise#our roommate has a dog which is some level of protection#and also many family members close by who all know his face and what he did#whatever#I'm just trying not to think about it
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