#which is weird because I'm so sure it's actually a common neurodivergent experience ?
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ghostscrown · 1 year ago
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Okay that is very specific and it may be just me but also, the fact that Ranpo genuinely believed he had a superpower when in fact he was just basically autistic this whole time, is so relatable because me too, I genuinely thought my autistic traits were the sign I had some sort of supernatural abilities, causing me to have a severe chuunibyou phase for most of my teenagehood, before I learned it was just autism
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For today's Wholesome Sonic and Tails Wednesday, may I present:
Tails having friends doesn't mean he's not autistic, or, How Having Zero Social Skills Will Accidentally Get You Adopted
(It's a little long but we'll get there, I promise)
Okay so I read a comment by someone basically saying that Tails can't be autistic because he has social skills and I? just? can't?
First off, yes, autistic people can have social skills. While it is a common symptom to not understand "normal" social cues, autism is a spectrum, and some autistic people have skills which others don't. Along with that, many autistics have learned to mask and imitate neurotypical behavior because of being bullied/punished when they act differently, or because they're trying so hard to fit in. So that in of itself is not proof someone isn't autistic.
Second, where are you getting that Tails has social skills?
Tails doesn't have social skills. Tails has FRIENDS. There's a difference.
You might ask, "How can someone make friends without having social skills?" Well for starters, I think there are a lot of decent people who are willing to be accepting of people who have a little trouble with social skills.
But the main reason Tails has made so many friends without social skills is that NO OTHER CHARACTER IN THIS WHOLE FRANCHISE HAS ANY. Most of the characters are neurodivergent coded, and even those who aren't still have zero social skills. You're telling me that in a world with Sonic the ADHD king, Knuckles the "a punch in the face is a warning" Echidna, and freaking Shadow, Tails is the one going to have trouble making friends? The entire Sonic the Hedgehog crew has exactly one social skill between them, and generally Amy has it. The characters just understand that people have trouble socializing. Maybe that's why they found each other. In my experience, we "odd" people tend to flock to each other. And once we've formed our weird little groups, who needs social skills?
But to show that Tails has very little social skills (and to prove you don't need them) let's analyze his first interaction with Sonic.
To start with, before meeting Sonic, Tails is just wandering around alone and bullied. Little guy, all alone, can't make a friend to save his life.
And then comes Sonic.
Depending on the version of backstory we're looking at, we have:
Tails spots Sonic, decides he's cool, and starts following him around until he finds his plane, which he then fixes and repaints without asking. Sonic shows up and is like, cool, you can come with.
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Stalking will get you adopted, folks
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Actual dialogue: "You looked cool, so I followed you, and when I found your plane, I figured I'd fix it up and we could be friends!"
Or Tails being bullied, Sonic runs by and stops it, and then again Tails just starts following him around until Sonic decides he can come with.
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And the there's the movie version, where Tails, who's been remotely spying on Sonic for a years, shows up and HITS KNUCKLES WITH A STOLEN POLICE CAR, tells Sonic to jump in, and Sonic does because he's afraid for his life, upon which Tails proceeds to excitedly rant about how excited he is because he's literally meeting his special interest.
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Also the version where Tails just falls on Sonic's head:
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Does any of this scream "social skills" to you?
And in all these situations Sonic, who has zero social skills himself, just adopts him on the spot because that's just... who he is? This dude just wants to help everyone. Half his friend group have introduced themselves by trying to kill him, but he's willing to make friends anyway. And then those friends become Tails's friends, because he and Sonic give off classic "extrovert adopting an introvert" vibes (I'm not sure that Sonic is actually an "extrovert", but he's def. more open and better at making friends).
TL;DR: Having social skills doesn't make you not autistic, but even if it does, Tails doesn't have social skills, he just has a great big bro and a group of people with even less social skills than him
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cringelordofchaos · 1 year ago
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ok thanks @sobeksewerrat now I'm having an existential crisis again lmao,.. (/lh also thanks for making me more self aware again ? )
list of things I do that MAY be associated with ADHD and or autism.
MAY,
I don't know if I have it, in not diagnosed and no one has professionally suggested I might have it.
I made a list to organize all my thoughts and I genuinely hate the fact that I'm oversharing shit online again bc i almost never think of consequences of my actions so idk if ke oversharing is bad or good and shit now I'm anxious.
ANYGAY.
Many of these traits are not exclusive to being neurodivergent at all, I'm aware o just wanted to share my experience
Either way it doesn't really matter. ADHD doesn't really get diagnosed here often. And not many specialize in it. So what do I know
List under the cut (it is probably going to be a bit long)
I possibly stim,
I chew things constantly for example, I used to chew my shirts so much a year or two ago and all my clothes had holes bc of that. It got so bad to the point of my mom buying me a fucking pacifier. I learned how to cope by just biting my tongue or just moving my mouth in general but it sometimes hurts not having anythig to bite. When I was really young, like in elementary school, I would bite and eat my own hair and would of fucking course cough bc of it. It was all an automatic involuntary actions. I also used to bite my arm to the point of it getting red. And would always bite my fingers to the point of them bleeding. I still do this, a lot actually, and it's very visible.,it's automatic and I hate it. It's like, I NEED to bite something right fuckinf now or I can't stay alive no more. It used to be worse, I would chew ANYTHING THAT WAS IN FROMT OF ME. I started a COLLECTION of chewed up pencils. Bc whenever they got near my mouth I would chew them. Which is BADDD IF YOU CAN XONTROL IT PLS DOJT DO THISSSS . I never did this because I was anxious or nervous, I just did it bc... I existed ?? Idk whenever I try to Google it up all the results say it's a sign of anxiety but for me it's just a symptom of existing). Whenever I feel anxious, (for example when I have to pass by a human being when getting to my apartment, and then they greet me and I greet them back but I feel like I did it incorrectly somehow and they hate me and think I'm incompetent/.>.gen), I flap my hands a lot (privately + primarily voluntarily) bc i feel just so much anxiety, I'm sure this is normal though. I also flap my hands a lot when I'm happy too. I do this moreso privately but sometimes it's a bit involuntary. When I'm really happy (usually about a wentoon lmao) I do a little dance and flap my hands and it actually feels pretty involuntary because if I DONT get up instantly and get into action it feels very suffocating. I pace around constantly, when thinking to myself I'll just walk In circle for long, sometimes I will just walk in a circle for literal hours. Usually I will move my hands in a weird motion . I rub my fingers against each other also to the point of visible and obvious injury. I don't know how to stop this. I constantly shake my leg though it's really common in neurotypical ppl so I should probably not be making a big deal out of this. There's probably more. Either way it's ,mostly harming to me lmao. But there's also the good in it ig
Okay actually it might take too long to organize everything and explain my whole life story so erm
I get distracted easily, or it's hard for me to pay attention to things I don't really care about, such as school (or moreso it's education system, since I can get actually pretty interested in private lessons) among other things. It's proven to be quite detrimental to me and my grades, to the point of me requiring multiple private classes to not fail a whole class, overall I'm just pretty much incapable of paying attention to stuff like that, but I'm pretty sure it's normal. And deficits in attention has been proven to be a result of modern day technology addiction among many youngsters, myself included, so I do not view this as necessary proof, especially seeing as I am actually capable of paying attention with good teachers in private lessons covering everything slowly enough. So yeah, essays over I am probably neurorypixal
either way
I get really obsessive over the things I'm interested in, I am not sure if they are hyperfixations but many times they get so genuinely intense they are the only thing I can think about. Genuinely. Once while trying to study history, for example, I just couldn't focus on learning history, not because it was uninteresting but because I was thinking of a fictional relationship (Roblox flicker mason x aadiv) and angst and fluff potential. I tried thinking Abt other things but I COULDNT. Also another short example: I once tried reading a book, and even though I could usually read it I just watched the finale of TMF and I literally could not NOT think about drew. just drew. I would try reading a sentence but then my brain would tell me how much I love drew. Goddamn it. This is a regular occurrence and has been proven to be detrimental to my life regarding it's real of my education. Focus on class? No, I can't, I'm trying to draw a symbol for a fictional religion me and my online friend made up. Focus on studying? No, k can't, I have to watch my favorite YouTuber or no, I can't, I have to daydream about being a YouTuber. These obsessions usually last a few weeks or months or so, so not too long, but usually for at least a week, to the point of it merely being mentioned gets me EXTREMELY hyped up. Sonic was probably my longest obsession, consistently lasting for about a year. If not flamingo (YouTube) who I was obsessed with for two years and based my whole personality off of back in the day. Sleep? No, I can't, I have to research neurodivegence. Hang the clothes? No, I can't, I have to pace around the room and think about the whole entire graspable depth of the relationship between Sean and daisy, as well as Sean's character alone and many implications surrounding his existence. I think y'all get the gist. Oh also I was once obsessed with TOH so much I literally knew so much Abt it and was so obsessed with it and if you gave me a line I could instantly tell you from which episode it was and I HUGELY related to Luz who's canonically neurodivergent and implied to have ADHD. This could all just me being passionate or obsessive thoug
Poor memory; I'm pretty sure this is the case buster, I lose things all the goddamn time it's actually traumatized me ti this point, losing a sharpener will get me having a whole breakdown screaming crying for an hour straight. Forgetting tests n stuff too, or forgetting ti check my to-do list Every . Single. Goddamn time.again this could probably stem from overuse of digital devices and electronics. So.
Oversensitivity to surroundings; aka possible sensory issues. I am pretty sensitive to noise, usually light too and smoke, and while I thought my reactions to surroundings were pretty normal (covering my ears, mouth, or squinting my eyes), upon observation I have noticed others do not do the things I do. Which is odd. How are they not suffering?? Anyway, sometimes I get overwhelmed so I etiehr try to ignore it or I escape. Literally. At times, things are louder and messier and more confusing and irritating. Also for food it's to a lesser degree but *lately* there's this food I forgot what it was called in English and chewing on it feels so utterly disgusting to the point where I'll cry bc the texture is just so extremely horrible and I literally spit it out of my window bc i didn't want my parents to see me not eating it. Bit then again I was able to eat the same food but bought from a different place, idk
Emotional disregulation; this could really just be me being a teenager, with hormones - you know how either you could have "two modes" you either feel like a GOD and everything is AMAZING or EVERYTHING IS HORRIBLE AND YOU WANT TO DIE?? Those extreme emotions?? Well, at least according to my kom, it's a pretty normal process of puberty, so I should probably not pay it much mind. This goes out to my "possible" rsd (I say possible bc like while I'm unsure for being nd, there's no fucking way I don't have rsd...) I get extremely, extremely sensitive when it comes to any form of treatment k get that I could perceive as rejection, and many times I avoid any form of social interactions just for the sake of not being rejected in the slightest. My friend called me stuojd as a joke without tone indicators? I WILL have a breakdown abt it and I WONT communicate it to my friend bc i don't wanna disappoint them or make them feel like it's their fault. I'm really insecure and probably feel this way due to my childhood. Though, feelings of emberassment guilt or rejection sre in most cases common due to natural instincts, y'know, we couldn't have survived without communities, which practically the modern day brain translates rejection = death. Except there's not a real physical threat. Yada yada y'all know Abt this. So I don't think this proves anything, it's just a natural instinct I suppose, though idk if many ppl experience it as often and strongly as I do or if they just never talk about it. Sometimes I will get the lightest criticism ever and I WILL cry Abt it unless it was absolutely clear it was a joke lmao. And I always feel like things are super targeted at me even when they're not. Ive had so much breakdowns over this it's not funny.
Sleep issues: I am writing this as 1 AM is approaching. Need I say more.
Physical hyperactivity: see "stimming" section. I can't exist without moving unless I am asleep.
Mental hyperactivity??: sometimes my brain will be so loud my ears will genuinely hurt, don't ask how this works I actually don't know, it's in a rarer occasion however.
Resting bitch face: I've had people ask me so, so so often if I was sad or okay or ANGRY when I was feeling completely neutral. And they always say how I look angry. But I don't get it. But whatevs. I guess it just comes naturally, idk why. Maybe everyone else has a resting bitch face too and they just never rest idkk
Fuck I'm doing the finger thing rn it hurts so goddamn much
Anyway
Executive dysfunction?? Sometimes I feel like I literally can't physically do stuff and it takes me a ton of effort to get into a shower and I cry each time for reasons unknown. Though ut could just be me being s teenager and yearning for feelings of independence and control bc it's a normal thing for ppl experiencing puberty. But then again I don't see anyone else being like me except my brother who's in elementary school
I have taken online quizzes, I KNOW ITS NOT A RELIABLE SOURCE AT ALL, I just took them to see the results and also bc i wanted to research neurodivegence more and on literally all the quizzes I took over the years, all the time (except once I think) I got "you probably have ADHD". I know it doesn't prove anything and online quizzes don't take ones life context into account but I feel as if it is a BIT worth noting?
Possible meltdowns ?? Idk. I don't want to make it seem like it's a lesser deal than it is bc it's not. But for example once I accidentally left bread crumbs on my bed and my mom got really anxious and started yelling at me a bit and I was crying and covered my ears and started SCREAMING and did not get over it for a while. I frequently experience (like every day or two) periods of time where I am just on the floor or in my bed extremely anxious sad and yelling over the most genuinely minor experiences
*Possible* intrusive thoughts - (TW VIOLENCE) whenever I think of an embarrassing or cringe memory when I feel like I somehow screwed up a tiny bit my mind instantly makes me think of me peeling off the skin off of my head and it bleeding, or my arm being chopped off into two parts. Many times I will look at the window and get anxious thinking what if I just threw my most prized possession through there. Also happened once when my mom was standing in front of it and my mind made me think "what if I yelled and she fell you would be a horrible person wouldn't you". Also I sometimes think of DISGUSTING sexual thoughts and they pop up randomly and I don't like it. Anyway I'm not sure if these r by definition intrusive thoughts but they're involuntary and annoying and correct me if I'm wrong
Comfort item - dude I used to bring this plushie everywhere with me for years until I stopped and just put him in a special place so he wouldn't accidentally get damaged. I literally could not live without holding him. Like some super emotional attachment. Sometimes I talk to him. I also realized that when I wasn't holding something in my hand my hands felt too empty and suddenly I had to move them in weird ways (see stimming section for reference) so maybe that's why
I don't have a special interest (smth I was UTTERLY OBSESSED W MULTIPLE YEARS) so ig that crosses out the possibility of me being autistic
I also constantly hc my fav characters as neurodiverse and hen proceed to self project onto them and I constantly daydream about making YouTube videos Abt the theories of them being neurodiverse. Idk why I brought this up
Weird (emotional) empathy ? If someone is crying in front of me I'll probably feel genuinely nothing but anxious bc i WANT to help them feel better but idk how to and other times I get super empathetic with fictional characters or people seen on screen. Idk why I feel like a terrible person for this sometimes. I'll also feel bad for Minecraft trees and having to cut them but that's sympathy not empathy. As for cognitive empathy though it's pretty normal and my mom has noted I'm pretty good at it ?
Genetics: my sister is probably questioning it and sorts acts like it and goes to a psychologist, my mom has said she thinks she might have ADHD once out loud, my brother also watches some YouTube videos Abt ADHD and has been to a psychologist once, none are diagnosed but many speculate it, coincidence? Unsure
That's all I can think of for now
Bye
God why did I post this erughhhhh
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buckevantommy · 2 years ago
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What about reading things that aren’t just derivations of media you already like. Like you were kidding about only reading fan fiction instead of books right. Please tell me you were kidding.
i was not, in fact, kidding. 😔 [x] 
but here's the thing about my brain: i find it extremely difficult [re:impossible] to manifest faces from text alone - and i can't enjoy or sink into a story with characters whose faces i can't picture in my mind's eye (whose visage continually shifts between this and that but mostly remains undefined). I can't read a book (or fanfic with original characters) without spending time looking for 'face-claims' - which are actors or models or whoever to use as visual references for those characters. but doing this is time consuming and exhausting and eats up my mood of wanting to read. i may end up with a bunch of good visual references (or none at all) but by the time that happens my excitement of diving into that story and the motivation to do so has usually faded, so then i have to wait for another reading mood to strike me and just hope it doesn't come with a desire to read a different book. 
i like fanfiction because i already have the faces in my mind so it's much much easier on my brain to manifest what characters look like - even if their style changes from fic to fic it's still the base actor underneath it all, meaning no face-claim searching is necessary. i find i can mold different hairstyles and clothes etc. around a familiar face without needing reference pics to help me along so for my brain fanfiction is perfect. 
[i actually don't know if other people experience this. is this a common thing? is it a neurodivergent thing? i'm curious.] 
but i love new media!! i'm just a tv-and-movie girl, is all. 
(the closest i come to reading books these days is browsing quotes on goodreads - which sometimes inspires me enough to try and give reading the actual book a go, but it's just not something my 31yo brain wants to do - my 20s brain was down for the challenge, but things change with age. and since there's So Much amazing fanfiction out there I end up embroiled in another fic instead.) 
the last books i read were a few years ago: The Captive Prince series (i think only 2 books had been released at the time) and The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue. I thoroughly enjoyed the characters and worlds and plots and relationships that the authors crafted for us and their narrative style and skill.. but then i found fanfiction, and suddenly i didn't have to spend a week (no joke) googling faces that fit the character descriptions. 
i guess this weird thing my brain does is really only an issue for fiction, but i prefer reading fiction. every now and then i add a biography to my wishlist pile (because it's real people and places there are surely reference pics just one quick google search away) but i prefer the escape of fiction, and find informational books extremely dull - i can take it in if it's a doco but i can't slog through a text version.
one exception is podcasts (like Bridgewater!). i can just google the voice actors and i'm good to go! 
i'm not at all ashamed of how my brain works, but i am immensely annoyed by it. if anyone has any tips or experiences anything similar, please let me know. 
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hexonthepeach · 2 years ago
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Hello! It's me again, the one from the last ask who ran out of positive adjectives to describe your masterpieces.
I have since then devoured and thoroughly enjoyed your notes on the ncta, and I'm so excited about all of that wonderful worldbuilding!
I also found your introduction, and I didn't know you're autistic! I am, too. I am also very shy, and in my case that has severely limited my life experience.
That made me kind of self-conscious about my writing — thoughts like "if I can't read people well, how can I write them?" or "would this thought process even make sense to anyone else?"
Would you say absorbing those things from movies and written work is enough? Additionally, how can I have my hyperfixations work for my writing not against it?
I'm so sorry for rambling, I hope you have a nice day! 🌷🤍
first and foremost thank you so much you really are such a good soul to come in with all of the adjectives i really feel like crying right now at how kind and real that is when I feel so undeserving of them.
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thank you thank you thank you over and over again (and also sorry if i include both asks in one i want to make sure i answer you well and don't miss anything) but also apologies for not being able to make this brief
not to be narcissistic but i'm really grateful you read my lore and notes. it's one of the few things that i go back to ground myself knowing that i don't always have the energy to write but getting it out there has been meaningful. i wrote my fic over 8 months so i had a lot of time to think about things and edit and go back to ideas but the gist is i'm not a super good writer with a lot of references, i just let things carry me when i'm lucky enough to find them and pick and edit when i can.
not sure if you are familiar with the baader-meinhof phenomenon but there were a lot of weird moments writing out that first draft where i was wondering if the universe might be smiling on my absolutely weird delusional self-insert fantasy. knowing people have enjoyed reading it has been helpful, so again thank you so much
i'm going to answer your questions as honestly as i can as someone who realized they were autistic after i turned 30-something and am still struggling with my own internal questions about what that means, as well as how i approach the rest of my life. like i knew when i was a kid but they didn't really have the language for it then for afab persons, they just put you in special classes and testing and thought it was funny you could memorize full books you read. for a long time i desperately wanted to be "normal" and there might still be a space in my heart that does regardless of how angry it makes me to think it's necessary
so, that said, i was able to have a lot of life experiences. pretending to be normal, and sometimes not. but it felt like, and still feels like, they were at a great cost.
one of the pivotal experiences for me back in 201x when i reached my burnout mode as an afab adult was learning from other f-presenting asd persons about how socialization constructs our experiences. we learn how to wear masks and we learn how to read people and we learn how to say things separate from our own, personal sense of self. i really thought that was the way the world worked for a long time and was maybe lucky enough or maybe cursed enough to be called out on it multiple times as an adult. it made me more cognizant of the fact that when other people are present, my only desire is to disappear
this kind of mentality is also pretty common from people who have been through abuse and trauma (which unfortunately i have also been through) but when you're a self-actualized adult as a child/teen because your brain is working more than people expect it to, it's normal to feel lost. and it does get worse when you try to be "normal".
im luckily older so i don't feel compelled to fit in and have made friends with a lot of other neurodivergent individuals. but what ive also found though is what is "normal" doesn't really exist and questioning it is really more of a gift than anything. it's why a lot of autistic individuals don't feel bound by concretization of gender or sexuality or societal constructs in general, or feel bound to them from some ethical or moral framework that doesn't actually exist. so when i think about the correct way to apply what ive observed i dont always feel bound to it, i guess?
that's how i write, and how i will imagine people is sort of existing outside of those boxes
i think i may have already answered your question in terms of "how can my hyperfixations work for my writing not against it?" but just to belabor the point a little more
fiction exists as a liminal space where we can experience things without being personally affected by them. and if you have difficulty, like i do, reacting to anything as it happens when you do find the courage to participate, oftentimes you will find yourself in a place where a performance makes the most sense.
ive always really enjoyed theater and media for that reason as well as transformative writing because it does have a level of self-actualization. i honestly think imitation is the highest form of flattery as well so that’s why i pull a lot of other work in but on an introspective level i think it makes sense why i hyperfixated on kpop for the last few years because it's the unreality that makes it special. 
when you know what it takes to be something you are not, you understand that there is a person underneath--acting or writing or performing--that you cannot and do not need to involve, and you are free to take the skin off of it or a surface level reading and make it your own. but it’s also something to relate to and even if i don’t always have the words to describe how i feel i think those emotions are still there and can be invoked by studying the way others present them
and not to be too forward with my advice but the best i've received in the past for writing is to be authentic to yourself without fear of judgment. because even if you believe you don't have an audience, there are always people out there who will have a similar experience. don't be afraid to idealize situations you have not been in and walk yourself through with a hand held internally through it. no one is going to give you a quiz or a test at the end, they'll just be grateful you helped them through it, too if you share it with them
i legitimately am rambling now but it's so nice to meet you and i hope i gave you a little bit of courage to continue creating, as you do me
bless, and thank you
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compassionatereminders · 3 years ago
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For any weird asks who go on ranting about the 'proven genes' behind autism and adhd, I get a little more terrified of where people put their energy instead of actual mental help for nd people. It's common in families, there's some heritability, but they're not a simple on-off switch gene that could or should be weeded out. And just because adhd and autism spectrum share symptoms and developemental similarities doesn't mean they're the ONLY way someone's *brain differs from each other* which is what neurodiversity means!
I'm fairly sure my father has or at least has had some form of manic bipolar and adhd or asd, my mother's side is full of adhd cousins, yet both families are also incredibly ableistic and forcefully so, and CERTAINLY don't differentiate between types of neurodivergence. Trauma changes the brain and just plain PTSD can then easily be neurodivergence, and on top of my own clear adhd I FOR SURE suffer with paranoid, dissociative spells that come from trauma that must, at least in some ways, be relatable to schizo-spec people too.
We're all different, that's what the diversity of neurodivergent brains means. But our experiences - the fact that the world judges our brains while keeping support and healing away from us - are similar enough that we should be looking for solidarity in the community. Not gene tests to weed each other out.
Anyway, you've sure had a weird variety of very self-absorbed asks in a short time. I wish people took a minute to think first and make assumptions after considering a little.
You make a good point. Maybe if we focused less on trying to limit the use of terms like neurodivergent to certain disorders, we'd have more time and space for actual solidarity...
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words-writ-in-starlight · 6 years ago
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hi, it's the adhd anon again. according to the dsm-v, i think i have it, which is weird bc i've never seen myself as having more trouble than others. (my grades are better than almost anyone else in my grade.) (although that might just be bc i'm interested in what's being taught - when something's not interesting or too hard, i have a pretty hard time doing it.) anyway, if it's not too much trouble, what does feel like to stim/hyperfixtate for you? (i'm so sorry to bother you in advance)
Hey, dude, welcome back!  So, okay, first things first: the stereotype of someone with ADHD automatically doing terribly in school is based heavily on the original diagnostic criteria, which categorized ADHD strictly in terms of “young hyperactive white boy who has violent outbursts and/or disciplinary problems and Just Doesn’t Do Well in academics.”  And there are people who manifest ADHD like that, it’s a stereotype with roots in reality--a lot of people with ADHD either consistently struggle with academics or eventually reach a point where their previous focusing techniques fail them.
However.
I left high school for college two years early, and if I hadn’t, I would probably been valedictorian of the graduating class, because I had a GPA well above 4.0 due to my general habit of doing extra credit whenever it was offered.  In college, I had a reputation for turning in beautifully complete lab reports and essays five pages over the minimum requirement.  I got high honors on my thesis, graduated magna cum laude, and finished a pre-medical major in half the recommended time period.  When I was a kid, the phrase “savant syndrome” got thrown around a lot, to give you some context.
On the other hand, I manifest a lot of those stereotypical ADHD symptoms: I’m loud, I interrupt people a lot, I have erratic and overwhelming mood swings that I struggle to control, I fidget incessantly and can’t stand silence, I have a tendency to get destructive when I’m angry, I have managed to seriously injure myself because I couldn’t resist a stupid impulse more than once, and if we’re all being honest, I would never have graduated high school at all, because I was on the brink of expulsion for getting into fights during class periods.  
It’s easy to feel like “I never really struggled academically” is somehow a counterargument to any and all symptoms of ADHD that you might manifest, but it’s really not.  (Heck, sometimes ADHD is even helpful--I finished my thesis a full week before anyone else and had time to fix my citations, mostly because my ADHD responds well to pressure and that crunch time hyperfocus Had My Back.)  It might take time for you to come to terms with this idea, and that’s okay!  But try to at least consider it.
All that being said, I am actually gonna answer your question, I just got distracted because the amount of time I spent making the statement “I’m faking having ADHD because I did well in school” is mindblowing and I have a Thing about it.  Forgive my ramble.
Stimming: I’m going to answer this first because the answer is going to be the most useless.  The ways I stim tend to be vocal/auditory stuff (I talk a lot when I’m alone, I sing and play music when I’m doing menial tasks, if I’m really anxious I’ll hum a single note until I calm down) or tactile stuff (sometimes destructive things like scratching my arms, sometimes neutral stuff like tapping my fingers in specific patterns or rubbing my palms over my jeans or the leather of a jacket or something).  It’s mostly things that ‘pass’ for neurotypical with very few exceptions, because I trained myself out of a lot of my ‘non-passing’ stims (rocking back and forth, knocking into walls, hand-flapping, that sort of thing) really young.  As for what it feels like to stim, it’s just...good.  It’s sort of like the brain equivalent of running your hand the right way along velvet, and discovering that you’ve been rubbing it backwards all along.  Or like the equivalent of stepping into a cool shower on a really hot day--it’s not that it’s miserable outside the shower, it’s just that the shower is extremely good.  I have a playlist of music that, for whatever reason, hits the right combination of voice and rhythm and notes and words to make my brain suddenly get calm, and it’s not necessarily my favorite music or a cohesive collection of tunes or anything (featuring Six Shooter by Coyote Kisses and also Human by Rag’n’Bone Man, which have nothing in common), but it’s Good.
Hyperfocus: You didn’t actually mention this, but I think it’s worth mentioning because it’s one of the hallmarks of ADHD.  It bears more than a passing resemblance to the concept of “flow”, but turned up to 11.  Hyperfocus is the state of being so overwhelmingly tuned in to the thing you’re currently doing that everything else falls away--which is fine, unless you’re one of us folks who can hyperfocus ourselves right through meal times.  It’s inexorable, it’s all-consuming, and it can feel pretty fucking great, which is why it’s important to be careful and find a way to hydrate yourself.  The primary difference between hyperfocus and flow is that hyperfocus is generally involuntary and does not necessarily tune you into something you planned or wanted to pay attention to.  If you ever see me publish a fic that includes a note about “I didn’t mean to write this but it’s 2 AM so here”, that’s code for “please validate me, I’ve been hyperfocused on this for two or three hours and I failed to do a lot of important things as a result.”  The other thing about hyperfocus is that afterwards, the drop coming off it is a real bitch.  It leaves me feeling hollowed out, exhausted, and kind of pettily disinterested in anything that would usually hold my attention.  Being hyperfocused is like being a machine designed to do one thing and one thing only and doing that thing feels incredible; coming off hyperfocus is like being an overtired toddler.
Hyperfixation: Hyperfixations are the ADHD equivalent of a special interest, aka: that thing you’ve been struggling not to pester every single person you know about, every single second of every single day of the past two and a half weeks.  Were you around, dear anon, when this blog was Only Animorphs, All The Time, and if you didn’t give a shit about morphin’ teens you just had to sit down, shut up, and learn some stuff, or else unfollow me?  That’s what hyperfixating looks like.  Sometimes it’s useful stuff--do you know how unbelievably useful having a hyperfixation on triage techniques is to me?  I crushed my triage training, I owned that shit, I wrote a whole chapter of my thesis on it.  Other times, it’s...well, Animorphs.  Or the American Revolution.  Or X-Men.  Or dinosaurs.  Some random shit like that.  Learning about hyperfixations, talking about them, is generally pure unadulterated joy.  On the other hand--oh, God, listen, I know how annoying I am, but I cannot stop myself.  I know I haven’t talked about anything but Animorphs in three weeks, I know I’ve made forty-five TAZ posts today, whatever you’re about to complain about, I already know, okay, I am aware, and there is nothing more painful than to have a fucking out-of-body experience watching yourself rattle on about a hyperfixation while the other person obviously gets bored in front of you.  And then you try to keep your mouth shut and it physically hurts not to talk about the thing.  It’s hard to describe what it ‘feels’ like except that ADHD brains are magpies at their core and hyperfixations are the shiny, shiny objects your brain wants to take home.
Anyway, I’m not sure how useful ANY of this has been, but like.  After a certain point, you kind of have to trust yourself enough to decide, once and for all, whether you really, truly believe you’re faking a neurological disorder for the attention.  If the answer is no, then great!  You have sussed out your symptoms and can start managing them accordingly, whether that’s some helpful apps on your phone or medication or something in between.  If the answer is yes, then you probably need some therapy, and your therapist will be able to help you get to a point where you feel able to trust yourself.
Go with the neurodivergent gods, my dude.
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lowestechelonabomination · 3 years ago
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hey this is kinda an awkward question to ask🧍but uh. as an aro guy, did u ever feel like you CANT love? like you really want to love someone romantically but it just didnt end up working out or something? im trying to figure this out myself and youre one of the few people i think could help so
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hm. this is a difficult question to answer because my aroaceness is more complicated than most people's I think. I never really went through the whole sexuality questioning process because honestly, I just never really cared. like, to me, the extent of my knowledge on sexualities for many many years was just the vague subconscious awareness that well, some people like other people I guess, whatever, that's none of my business, who cares. I literally only found out I was aroace when one of my friends was like "hey have you ever heard of asexuality?", and I looked at that and went "huh. guess that works", and then just kinda forgot about it. as a kid I'd tell other people that I had crushes, but I don't think I ever knew what a crush actually was. people would talk about theirs and I'd sit there like "oh yeah, I totally get that too. mine's uh *points at random guy across room* that one". for a few years in elementary school I'd convinced myself I had a crush on one of my friends, but looking back, I'm like 99.999% sure it wasn't one, but also have no idea what else was going on there either. did I have any feelings for him? who knows, it's not like I can actually name, recognize, or even really feel any feelings anyway. also, to clarify, the main reason why I say that being aroace is Very Complicated for me is because I just happen to have this really weird form of alexithymia that I haven't ever really seen anyone else have, where I literally only experience emotions physically. like, for example, instead of feeling stress like everyone else, I'll just get shaky randomly with zero actual emotion. it's...extremely confusing, to say the least. anyway. having that knowledge about my weird little autism brain means that I have this lingering doubt of "what if I'm not actually aro, and any crushes I may or may not have gotten were just blocked by my complete inability to recognize literally any emotion?" but then I reassure myself that being aro is having a lack of romantic feelings, and if I have a lack of general feelings then that implies a lack of romantic ones too, so even if my aromanticism was caused entirely by autism then it would still technically be aromanticism. anyway, I've gotten off track. so. to answer your question, I've never wanted to like someone romantically, and I genuinely have no idea what love is. not in a sad or edgy or depressed way (though I do also have some pretty strong anhedonia which does not make things any easier to figure out), but purely in a My God Do I Have Some Autism Alright way. I've tried to figure out the concept, but my brain just. can't. so basically, I'm probably not the best person to ask this either, considering how very dependent my aromanticism is on my specific kind of neurodivergence. I don't know if I can or can't love, and I frankly don't really care, so I solved that problem just like how I solved every other question I didn't particularly care about answering: by completely ignoring it. exhibit a: gender. anyway sorry for this unnecessarily long ramble, it's late at night and I like talking about myself a bit too much
tldr: uh I am probably also not the person you should be asking. being aro to me is heavily dependent on my specific forms of neurodivergence and personality, and my relationship with being aroace is definitely not common. sorry. wish you the best in figuring things out though :). I'm sure you could also find some good resources for questioning aros if you dig around
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autistic-google · 8 years ago
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Hi! I was wondering if you could help me with self-diagnosis a little bit... Basically, I meet most of the requirements for autism, and my autistic friends accept me as a Fellow Autistic and like to point out when I do Autistic Things, but I'm not sure if I might be misdiagnosing... I have difficulty with conversation things like knowing when it's my turn and all that, but I have no problem with metaphors, and actually I tend to latch onto metaphors and extend them out as far as I can, (1/?)
even when other people would expect them to break down. I also definitely did pretend play when I was little, often. It wasn't even one-off sort of stuff; I had huge expansive worlds that I would imagine. And my imagination is still really strong, such that I can imagine things into the real world for myself. I'm pretty sure getting metaphors and pretend play (which I still sort of do aaa) are polar opposite to autism? but other than that I fit the criteria perfectly -- stimming a lot (2/?)
and really enjoying stimming; having trouble understanding other people's emotions and social conventions, going nonverbal; I don't really meltdown usually but it has happened, all that stuff. Other "weird" things about me, if it helps at all: I constantly have music playing in my head and often it will mix and layer; it never ever stops; if I start the day with a bad song it will pretty much ruin my mood and NTs sometimes think it's funny to play my "bad mood" songs to see my reaction (3 or 4?)
(sorry I lost count back there let's call this 5) although thankfully they don't do that often. Also I think I have mild synesthesia because sometimes I can visually stim to a song if that makes sense? I was able to read when I was really little and I've always been good at it, but I think I did learn to talk first and talked at a normal time (another mark against autism). I'm kind of rambling now... Sorry this dragged on and on, I'm just not sure where to start with this. Some days I (5/6 of ?)
Some days I will be super confident like "yes, I am autistic, I can understand myself better now" but other days I'll be like "I'm faking it, look at these contradictions" and aaa I've never been good at reading myself. I know this string of anons was really confusing but if you can please help me out? ;-; 
I have a lot to say about this, so I’m going to bullet point it:
-I can’t really tell you if you’re autistic or have synesthesia or whatever. Neither can your autistic friends, tbh. You know your brain best, so in the absence of a professional diagnosis you should go with what you think.
-Not all autistic people have speech delays (that was why, originally, Aspergers was a diagnosis-- to describe those without speech delays). In fact, many professionals think speech delays aren’t a symptom, but instead a comorbid disorder
-The pretend play thing is common in autistic people but not universal; maladaptive daydreaming is also an autistic thing and it kind of sounds like what you’re describing
-Some autistic people have trouble with metaphors, but not all. In particular, many autistic people understand and can use metaphors but find it difficult to detect when someone else is using one. It’s also common for autistic people to understand metaphors because they’ve memorized specific, common ones, but they still won’t understand one if they’ve never heard it before.
-Reading very early is a sign of hyperlexia, also an autism thing.
-If you think you’re misdiagnosing, look at similar/comorbid disorders. Consider if any of them better explain your experiences.
-If you think autism describes your experiences and you benefit from the community, you do have a place in the neurodivergent/autistic community. Even if it turns out you’re misdiagnosing, as long as you aren’t hurting autistic people or intentionally lying about being autistic it’s not a huge problem.
-I run a kik chat for people who are in the process of self-dx’ing, are self-dx’ed or have comorbid disorders, specifically because these kinds of feelings are really common. You can message me @chronicleofhumanity if that’s a thing you’d be interested in that.
-Standard list of diagnostic resources:
https://www.autismresearchcentre.com/arc_testshttps://musingsofanaspie.com/aspie-tests/https://musingsofanaspie.com/tag/take-a-test-tuesday/http://politeyeti.tumblr.com/post/16448184988/autistic-created-alternative-autism-criteriahttp://www.unstrange.com/dsm1.htmlhttp://autiedog.tumblr.com/post/104218756709/arc-open-source-diagnostic-tools-for-asdshttp://autiedog.tumblr.com/post/104134778649/self-diagnosis-resources-for-asd
-In general, focus less on specific symptoms and more on the actual dsm diagnostic criteria, which is way more broad. Do you have communication problems? Do you stim/have special interests? Do you really like routine and rules and such? Do these things make it hard to function? Congrats, you’re probably autistic. Keep in mind, you don’t need to have *every* symptom to be autistic.
-mod Ari
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