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rattlung · 5 years

Text

sorry this took so long! it kinda got away from me after a bit (it’s like 6k words so i’m rlly hoping this read more works on mobile lmao) and turned into a lot of introspection, as my stuff often does when it comes to mirage for some reason. hope you enjoy :^) and ty for sending smth in

(yeah ik mystik keeping in contact through fuckin fan mail is a bit of a stretch especially since crypto mentions burning letters, implying communication through paper, but it was the only thing i could come up with and i didn’t want this to take longer than necessary. just kinda shrug it off because at this point - eh yknow??? the letter mirage comes across is based off the one crypto sends to mystik in the loading screen with him and gibby

also, i looked up a ton of different sites and even checked the wiki but i’m still nervous about crypto’s name and how to write it properly. if i’m still doing it wrong, please please PLEASE let me know. i will literally rewrite this entire thing lmao)

established relationship kinda idk and also set in a kinda canon divergent au where the games hold seasons that last a few months with set teams

----=----

Despite popular belief, Elliott was a smart guy. He lived and studied under his mother, an amazing engineer in her own right, and even had a huge part in the development of some of the tech he used in the arena. It’s just that, sometimes, even he forgot about his own intelligence. Standing next to his fellow legends, it was like any confidence he had left in one fell swoop. He would stutter under their gazes and second guess himself on anything he said the second he said it. It’s something he’d always berate himself on later when he’s alone in his dorm where no one could see him.

Because he was smart. He’d tell himself that when he looked at his own smiling face, as surrounded as he was by it. Apex merch, some fanart, some cutouts they had stood up in stores he’d been sent. Elliott would stare at it all and remind himself that Mirage in the media was who he was. He’d gotten to legend status on his own, and that wasn’t something to write off. He was as intelligent as the rest of them, he just needed to remember that.

Though, admittedly, it did take Elliott a good minute to realize that the message he’d been sent wasn’t for him.

But, in his defense, this wasn’t an issue that had ever come up before. After their breach that forced them to move planets, the Apex Team had taken extra precautions when it came to legends getting fan mail. Elliott hadn’t blamed them, but he still couldn’t help but raise a brow at the extent they went to. In his opinion, it was just, like, two steps above sending it in on paper the old fashioned way. Honestly, that would go faster, since that didn’t need to be scoured by security software. Sometimes the dates lagged by so much that Elliott would get things months after a someone sent it.

So, yes, it did require a few read through’s for him to parse what was going on in the small paragraph. To be fair, it had his name in it. Don’t act so pretentious, TJ, everyone knows who Mirage is. The rest of the message was written in the same way: to someone who wasn’t actually Elliott and from someone who’s seemingly exchanged letters with this “TJ” before.

Maybe the program was on the fritz, picked out Elliott’s alias and sent it over to his inbox. It was something worth mentioning to the higher ups, because that absolutely had to be a liability in their new safety protocols. But more importantly - and definitely the thing he was going to address first - who was this letter for? Who was TJ?

There were only a few options, as most of the legends had opted to come forth with their real names when signing up for the Games. Elliott knew Bloodhound still operated under a veil of mystery, but he doubted they could be TJ. From what he remembered when he walked passed their dorm - which was usually something he tried to do quickly, since the bird Hound kept in there with them seemed to like Elliott only a little more than it liked Pathfinder - they didn’t even have a computer set up. No contact to the outside world unless it was through interviews.

Wraith just recently came across her name, Elliott remembered. She’d mentioned it in passing before disappearing for a few weeks in an abrupt request for time off. Wraith never really talked to anyone, so it kind of made sense. Everyone needed someone to vent to, even if it was about Elliott. What could TJ stand for? Taylor Jenkins? Tanya Jones?

Tilly Junior.

But then again, it really could have been any of them. Elliott wouldn’t put it passed Caustic to be using a fake name. Any of them could be using a fake name, and he doubted going around and asking would get him anywhere.

Elliott let the holopad slip onto the cushion of the couch he’d been lounging on, his head falling back to thump against the wall. Crypto would be able to help with the new mystery, that was at least something he was sure of. The amount of badgering and begging needed to actually get the hacker to relent and do any helping? Now that was unknown as well.

In the months that the season encompassed, he and Crypto ended up getting closer than probably either of them would have liked - at least in the beginning. Elliott couldn’t imagine what he would have thought then if he was told that most of his nights out of the arena would be spent at the other’s side, in his dorm, Crypto fiddling with some of the tech Elliott had lying around as Elliott himself talked his ear off.

Crypto was a good listener, he found. It was something in the quiet he maintained around him, a whole lot different than, say, Bloodhound’s. Not that Bloodhound was cold and off-putting; it was more so like what Elliott imagined stepping into an ancient library would be like. Something about Bloodhound made anything above a whisper seem too loud, and out of respect for said library, Elliott left them alone.

And then there was that time Crypto had caught Elliott staring at him when he blasted Caustic with a Charge Rifle from about 300 meters away. The only thing he’d done was give Elliott that knowing smirk then followed it up with an honest to god wink. Elliott was gone after that.

Things had changed in a steady progression. Instead of Elliott being the one to find him, Crypto would seek him out rather than hide away in his own dorm. When Elliott would invite him to his dorm, mostly joking, Crypto would surprise him by accepting. There wasn’t any verbal confirmation in the shift, though, and sometimes Elliott would worry about it, wonder if he was reading too much into things. Not that it was a big deal. He never cared much about labels, except when he really, really did.

But then Crypto would sometimes push Elliott against a wall in the downtime during the games while they were looting, or even when they were just hanging out. He’d silence ramblings by covering Elliott’s mouth with his own, and who was Elliott to tell him no?

They were close, now, yes, but for as good as Crypto listened, he didn’t talk much. It was something Elliott attempted to change. He tried to get him to open up in various ways, but the longest he’s ever gotten Crypto to talk was when he asked about the Holo Gear Mirage used on the field. Even then, Elliott did most of the talking. He’d gushed about his mom, how she did a lot of the work and he handled more of the fine tuning, reminisced about their workshop, the long days they used to spent together. Elliott remembered picking up something different from Crypto, then, something almost sad. Like maybe he’d been missing something, too.

Elliott never got to ask about it. Crypto had retreated to his own quarters pretty fast after that. He was too confused to wonder what he’d done wrong, and the worry was put to rest before he ever actually got to worry about it at all when Crpyto sidled up next to him the next day right before the drop. The situation just reaffirmed that there was a lot that Elliott didn’t know, like what kept Crypto so quiet, who he thought about when Elliott talked about working with his mother, what he always seemed to be working on when he was alone.

Or his name, Elliott realized.

After a pause, he scrambled back into a sitting position and grabbed the holopad again. There was public information on every legend that signed up for the Games, but the last he’d checked there had been something wrong with the page dedicated to Crypto. It showed multiple different error codes that were random upon opening the page and sometimes it would even crash a browser entirely. Forums still existed, though, and Elliott would use that to his advantage.

Quietly, in the back of his mind, he felt guilty, felt like he was doing something he shouldn’t.

A lot of the threads were just talking about the recent games and Crypto’s happenings in them. They talked about his marksmanship, which was pretty impressive, Elliott had to say. It wasn’t until a few minutes of scrolling - spent looking through GIFs and videos of highlights, that he won’t admit to - brought him to a specific thread. The person who posted was wondering about the drone Crypto had in his possession, asking about its name, speculating on the model. The top comment on it claimed to have spent time behind the scenes on the Apex Games Production team and declared that the drone Crypto used had a lot of similarities to the ones they use to film the Games.

The next comment didn’t exactly discredit the correlation, but they did say it was likely that the drone’s blueprint was leaked and got sold to another company, not Crypto having the clearance to use Apex equipment.

I doubt they’d let him have one of the official ones, with all the controversy surrounding them, the commenter said.

Elliott bit the inside of his cheek and narrowed his eyes in thought. It was a stretch, but it didn’t stop him from backing out of the forum and searching “apex filming drones”.

The first result wasn’t a link to the Apex Game’s website. It was another website with comment threads, its title “look what i found???”.

So, Elliott did.

i was doing some VERY LEGAL digging around, because i was wondering where the new guy came from and all that, but there’s literally NOTHING that isn’t hidden behind encrypted messes that would take like ten years to get through but when i tried, i got something on some dude named hyeon kim but when i went around looking for more i found this

??????

Below the post was a screenshot of an article from a news site called Outlands’ Journal. Elliott read it over, but the only thing he processed was “Disgraced computer technician, Tae Joon Park” and “Mystik, Joon’s former caretaker”.

And then, a little more down, was the comment, “Isn’t that the dude who’s wanted for murdering his sister or something?”

----=----

Despite popular belief, Elliott was a smart guy. In that moment, though, it really didn’t seem like a good thing.

----=----

The decision was one he made almost subconsciously: Elliott was not going to tell anyone what he’d found.

How would anyone even believe it? Elliott was hardly sure he even believed it. Spoken out loud, it would seem like such a tin-foil-hat conspiracy, and it’s not like he could use the thread he’d found the information in to back the claim up. He’d checked it again when he woke the next day, wanting to make sure he hadn’t had some fever dream, but the entire thread had disappeared. Even the account it was posted from was wiped from the site. On a whim, he checked his history and went to the link directly, but that only got him an error page.

The code was something he remembered from Crypto’s buggy Legend profile.

Elliott had almost been late getting ready for the games, he sat there for so long and stared at it. Luckily, the turbulence that signified they were getting close to the closed off arena literally jolted him as a physical reminder. Elliott shook his head and stood, making his way over to the collapsible, garage-like door in order to pull it down.

Isn’t that the dude who’s wanted for murdering his sister?

He was almost regretful that he wanted to go looking for more information. What if Crypto was somehow able to track the searches that were relevant to the article? That could be how the thread was taken down so fast, how the account disappeared. Was that what he was doing all the time, bent over his computer? Working to hide what he’d done?

Why even join the Apex Games, a program that was widely broadcasted across planets? Wouldn’t he want to keep a low profile? How did he even get the clearance to sign up? The producers had run background check after background check when Elliott had been brought in for an interview. So his public intoxication got put under the microscope, but the murderer they let in for free?

And yet, that didn’t sound right, even when he thought it. Sure, yeah, they all technically participated in a blood sport - but the technically was heavily implied. No one actually ever died; sometimes bones were broken and people had to retire after a serious injury, but that was just about it. Everyone who signed up was capable of killing.

But capability of killing was different than cold blooded murder. At least in Elliott’s opinion.

He was just pulling on the last of his Holo Gear when the door rattled in its frame. “Pull y’self outta bed, we got a game to win!”

“Door is closed for privacy,” Mirage berated.

Lifeline only cackled shortly before replying with, “I ain’t lookin’ at you, am I?”

Mirage pulled the door up so she could see his put-off pouting, which didn’t do much of anything besides getting her to laugh again. He followed her into the loading bay, passing Bloodhound and Wraith. They each gave him a respectful nod, always frighteningly eager to board their dropping platform. Still, Mirage responded with a courteous wink and two solid finger guns.

As the automated commentator announced the approaching drop zone, Mirage was suddenly very aware of the empty space beside him being taken up by another person. At first, neither of them said anything, but that was weird for him, so he had to say something, didn’t he?

“Fashionably late, as always,” he greeted, going for something half-joking, half-flirty. Honestly, he would proudly say he hit the mark, but Crypto didn’t say anything back. “Long night?”

Then, a too long second of silence fell between them as the dropping platforms began to hiss. Freezing air blasted, chilling his face, blowing his hair around, but it wasn’t the reason why his blood went cold in his veins. A voice went off in his head almost like an alarm. He knows, it said. He knows you found out. He knows.

“Always,” Mirage heard, just barely above the wind whipping between them.

And it was stuff like that that made him felt immediately guilty for the fear he held just moments before. There was that haunted, pained tone that took hold of Crypto’s voice that Mirage always seemed to catch when he knew he wasn’t supposed to. Just like how he caught something like longing when Mirage had spoken of his mother. How Crypto’s empathy felt different than others when Mirage mentioned his brothers.

He didn’t talk often, sure, but Crypto couldn’t stop himself from expressing in some ways. Not around Mirage, not anymore.

Obviously, there was the possibility that Crypto had done something - that very specific something - but Mirage just couldn’t see it. He had that gut feeling, and following those types of feelings got him to where he was right then. Standing among Legends.

Legends, and Tae Joon Park.

----=----

It’s about a month of doing his best of forgetting what he’d uncovered when he realized a problem he’d overlooked. Elliott had already come to the conclusion that Tae Joon and Mystik were close, close enough to risk each other’s safety by maintaining their pen pal status. They kept in contact that way, so the fluke Elliott had gotten in his inbox was not the first letter that had ever been sent between them.

Which meant that Crypto was going to be expecting a letter from his former caretaker that Elliott didn’t know how to give him without starting a shit show.

Just another thing to add to the reasons he wasn’t getting sleep at night, because “doing his best to forget” was awfully hard. Tae Joon’s silences were just periods of dreadful anticipation to him now. Every time they were together and the tapping on Crypto’s keyboard would pause, Elliott would expect to look up to see Crypto already staring at him, glaring, asking him how long Elliott had known -

But Tae Joon’s eyes would be on the monitor when Elliott would brave looking up, watching text wrap around the screen at all kinds of speeds. Sometimes it would freeze all at once, certain words blinking, and a corner of Tae Joon’s mouth would pull in an annoyed grimace - meaning he’d done something wrong, and the typing would start back up with a new kind of spiteful energy to it. Elliott would go back to what he was doing, wishing he could let out the breath he felt he’d been constantly holding, because sooner or later the typing would stop again.

Elliott was stressed out of his mind and it was starting to affect his performance on the field, but a horrible, evil little part of himself relished in knowing something others didn’t. That stupid, childish thrill of secret keeping. He wanted to hold it close to where no one else could see it, because he really, really wanted to. If not telling anyone meant protecting Tae Joon, then he wouldn’t tell a soul - even if that included Tae Joon himself.

But that was kind of backwards, wasn’t it? He was literally harboring a criminal, wasn’t he? Regardless of what Elliott’s stupid gut told him. Crypto was wanted for murder - but what was he supposed to do? Tell the authorities and get a potentially innocent man potentially killed? Or tell Tae Joon himself and be proven wrong, find out the very dead way that people Elliott found attractive really are out to get him.

Knowing what he did and not doing anything about it was dangerous either way. Hence the trouble sleeping.

People were starting to notice, too. Tae Joon noticed - and it was stuff like that that was going to get Elliot into trouble. He found himself switching the names around in his head. Tae Joon Park and Crypto were now interchangeable; the only way he avoided not messing up out loud and inadvertently revealing himself and what he knew was just by... not talking.

Which was hard to do.

It was easier than trying to condition himself to stop using the name, though. Because Elliott liked knowing it. There was a certain level of intimacy to it; it felt different now whenever Crypto would corner him or when he’d let Elliott turn him away from his computer. It felt like he was holding someone more, in a way. Not a mystery, but a person. He was holding someone. He was holding Tae Joon, kissing Tae Joon in secret, making a mess of Tae Joon’s bed. It was so much, and in those moments the secret was something he almost couldn’t bear. He’d just barely hold himself back from breathing the name, he’d bite his tongue to stop it.

And then the guilt would flood into his head, because he was lying. It felt so wrong to know this when Tae Joon wasn’t the one to tell him. So, Elliott withdrew. He was polite in the games, communicated as much as necessary, still bantered with Lifeline. Slowly he weaned himself off of flirting with their other teammate and reverted back to the beginning of the season. Except, not quite, really. Even in the beginning Elliott couldn’t help himself when it came to Crypto, but back then it was petty arguments that he didn’t know he craved. Now, it wasn’t much of anything besides civility.

The worst part of it might have been that Tae Joon never asked why. He allowed the regression to happen nonchalantly, but that was on purpose. Every so often, Elliott would still get pushed against a wall, when no one else was around. Tae Joon wouldn’t ask why Elliott didn’t talk to him, didn’t visit him, didn’t invite him to his dorm anymore. He would just kiss him, hard, desperate. It was almost like it wasn’t surprising to him. Like maybe Tae Joon had been waiting for it to end the entire time.

Shame would tear Elliott up after he’d pull away without a word. It would tear him up even worse when the next time Elliott saw him, Tae Joon would act as if nothing happened. Business as usual.

----=----

It had to end in some way, so Elliott really shouldn’t have been shocked when it actually happened - or that it was his fault that it went down the way it did.

----=----

He never had liked fighting Wraith. Mirage had been on her squad a few seasons ago and they’d spent a lot of their time in the arena watching the other work. So Mirage knew her tricks, but worst of all, Wraith knew his. Besides his good looks, charm, and being a crack shot with the Wingman, tricks were just about all Mirage had.

She had followed the sounds of his footsteps when he’d cloaked earlier in the gunfight to heal, weaving through the decoys he’d dropped without skipping a beat. It was a mess of bursts from SMGs, Wraith phasing away to duck behind cover. Another few bursts and MIrage would get sprayed down, only to disintegrate into lights and have him reappear around another corner.

Mirage strained to hear over the firing outside for her footsteps, placing her somewhere downstairs. He continued up, for once being grateful for the Skyhook buildings and the buffer they provided with their multiple levels. It gave him time to repair the damage done to his shields as Wraith presumably did the same before she began her chase again. They were bound to run out of supplies and floors at some point, but all Mirage needed to do was buy time for his teammates to secure their kills so they could come and take her off his hands.

It was a good plan up until it stopped working. Thing was, Wraith was fast, and Mirage was learning that if you’re not in her squad as often as you used to be, you forget just how fast she could be.

He heard the cocking of a Peacekeeper after he was a few paces onto the roof, which is also when he remembered seeing a fucking zipline in the building on his way toward the stairs. He hadn’t thought about it, immediately stored it under the dumb idea section; zipping straight up to the top floor just for Wraith to light him up and have him fall straight back down like a ton of bricks? No thank you, he’d take the stairs.

“Fuck,” Mirage said quickly, just as a shotgun blast exploded in front of him. Most of the spread was dodged by running around one of the pallets stacked with construction materials, but it still cracked through what was left of his shields.

He was dead, Mirage was absolutely dead. There was no way his Wingman was going to win against a Peacekeeper, not unless he hit every shot and Wraith missed all of hers - which she didn’t, she never missed.

A kick was placed neatly between his shoulders and Mirage flailed wildly, gripped at the metal framing of an empty wall and used the momentum to swing around -

- directly into another shotgun blast, one of which he took right into the stomach. That sent him sprawling. He landed hard on his back and the air was knocked out of him, leaving him gasping for it as he skidded a few paces forward.

Calmly, Wraith sauntered over to stand above him, reloading the few shots she’d used in her Peacekeeper. Mirage wanted to say something to maybe lessen the blow his pride and his body just took, but the only thing he could get out was a wet cough.

She grinned at him and knelt, shotgun going to one side so she could show Mirage the blade she held before pressing it to his throat. “Don’t worry,” she whispered, leaning in close. “I would have gotten you either way. Zigged or zagged.”

Mirage would’ve rolled his eyes had it not been for the kunai at his jugular, so all he did was swallow and wait for the push. But it never came. In the very next moment, Wraith was sent flying to the ground next to Mirage, her side smoking from a fresh Mastiff shot, the sudden sound of it nearly deafening him.

She pushed up unsteadily in an attempt to get to her feet, but Crypto beat her by grabbing at the scarf at her neck. “It seems like you zigged,” he started, mocking her previous low tone with his own smug lilt. Mirage watched as he raised his hand and his drone seemingly appeared in his grip while he finished with, “When you should have just quit and gone home.”

The drone came down against Wraith’s head hard, and in the time it took Mirage to blink, she was replaced with a golden case.

Crypto turned to face him, then, showing off the small smirk he’d been wearing. “Fashionably late,” he announced with a shrug.

Mirage couldn’t help the relieved grin that spread across his own face. “As always. Love that about you, kid.”

Crypto knelt at his side, taking the place Wraith had left behind, and fished around in the pack around his waist for the syringes he kept there. Once it was plunged into his chest, all of Elliott’s muscles seemed to twitch, but he felt his heart rate lower down to something manageable. He lost a lot of blood, though. He was going to have to huddle in a corner and lick his wounds for at least another five minutes before he’d be anywhere close to mobile.

“Thank you,” Mirage said in between a few deep breaths. “You’re a lifesaver.”

“Match isn’t done yet,” Crypto chided lowly. He stood up straight and held out his hand for Mirage to take.

Which he did, but he only got halfway up before he hit the ground again. The cracking snap of a Kraber shot echoed in the empty air above the buildings and Mirage stared up at the blue sky, wondering why he wasn’t feeling any pain. Then, he heard the sound of himself hitting the floor for a third time and thought, that’s weird, I thought I already did that.

After that, he thought, I lost a lot of blood.

Tae Joon, is the next thing that came to his mind in the form of a horrible realization, one that he ended up voicing out loud in fear, in panic. He sat up from the adrenaline that panic gave him, hysterically hoping that maybe that the other hadn’t heard him, but mostly to satisfy the need of having to see if Tae Joon was okay.

And he wasn’t, not really. He was on his back, too, propped up on one elbow, one hand clutching at his shoulder that was spilling red between his fingers. But worst of all, he was staring at Mirage like the pain was second to the shock.

Mirage didn’t like the look he was getting, and it was especially devastating that it was Tae Joon who was the one giving it to him. Underneath the cloud from the medicine coursing through his system, he knew he had to explain, had to make it so Tae Joon could understand that Mirage knowing his secret wasn’t a big deal, that’d he’d known for a long time and nothing bad had happened.

So, he began with “Tae - “ and then, for some reason, finished with, “Tae - tuh - tuh - uh - totally thought you were going to die from that.”

Finally, he thought, Nice save, and collapsed.

----=----

They didn’t win, but that was the least of their worries. Well, maybe not Lifeline’s, but that was beside the point.

Elliott left the medbay as soon as he could, which still took a good amount of time. The nurse had mentioned something about the side effects of the Revival Syringe along with blood loss and not using anymore meds to stabilize after he was injected. They spent extra time checking his vitals and Elliott didn’t have to be a doctor to tell them that those were going to be skewed.

His heart was still racing when he made his way back into the dorms. It was a little relieving to find that it was empty; after the games, everyone typically accumulated in the mess hall to celebrate the winners. But the at the same time, it was disappointing. He almost wanted to see Tae Joon standing around every corner Elliott rounded waiting to confront him, because getting this over with meant getting back to normal, and Elliott couldn’t wait for that.

So, he risked a glance over at the other’s dorm across the sitting area as if getting a look at it would help him decide on whether or not he should knock, initiate it himself. The door was pulled up, though, left open. Elliott blinked at it once before wandering closer.

The room had always seemed bare, but the emptiness was emphasized now. He noticed that the blanket that was supposed to be folded and draped across the back of the couch to show off the South Korean flag was missing. The box Tae Joon had shoved under there and filled with parts and drives was pulled out, tipped over and empty. Even more, the drone’s docking station was gone.

Elliott rushed over to the desk and tapped the first key he could reach. Only one of the monitors flashed on, glowing blue and asking to proceed with setup.

“Oh, no,” Elliott muttered. He hurried back out to the seating area and looked up to the screens displaying that day’s match stats. Scrolling across the top was the ETA for the ship’s landing. Ten minutes. “Oh no, no, no you fucking don’t,” he continued to say, practically running to the hall for Boarding.

It Tae Joon got into the city before Elliott could catch him on the ship, it was likely that he’d never see the man again. He couldn’t let that happen.

But Boarding was empty, too, bar the few bots that managed the floor. Elliott practically skidded to a stop in front of one of them, startling the unit’s arms up and out.

“Hey, buddy, you wouldn’t have happened to see a guy, this tall - “ He holds up his hand, palm down, level with the top of his own head. “ - might have looked pissed off, which would be my fault, so I’m trying to find him. Have you seen him?”

The bot’s screen on it’s chest flashed red in the negative, then blue in an apologetic sad face.

Elliott grunted in disappointment. “Nah, don’t sweat it,” he assured the bot, even thought he was absolutely going to.

He was biting his lip when he exited, nervous. The ship held at least sixty people on it at once. It was a decent size and if someone like Crypto was hiding on it, someone like Elliott wasn’t going to find him.

Elliott swore, once in frustration, twice in shock when he was thrown roughly against the hard, metal wall of an empty hallway. Someone held him there with a fist against his shoulder and the threat of a pistol pressing into his abdomen. He was blinded before he could gather his bearings by a sudden flash of green light, leaving him blinking rapidly to clear his vision.

“Where did you get a gun?” Elliott chose to ask, deliriously, for some reason. “They don’t let weapons on the ship - “

“Who are you?” Tae Joon questioned. The aggression in his voice was something Elliott hadn’t heard since the first few weeks, around the same time Tae Joon was just as likely to twist his arm as he was to snap at him.

“What? Babe, you know who I am - “

“Elliott Witt is too clean, everything on him was too easy to find - they wouldn’t send an Elliott Witt to hunt me down.” His expression was neutral, but there was so much going on in his eyes that Elliot couldn’t look away, even when the gun reminded him of its presence with little jabs. “So who are you?”

And maybe there were a few things Elliott should have been offended by. Like how he wasn’t prestigious enough to warrant a protected record, or Tae Joon’s implication that he wasn’t capable of something he had already done - mostly on accident.

But what he ended up asking was, “You think I made everything up? You think I lied about my entire life for, what? Getting into bed with you?”

Tae Joon didn’t seem taken aback by the hurt that was evident in Elliott’s voice, but it did leave enough room for one second of hesitation. “Then they got to you,” he whispered, somehow sounding equal parts flat and devastated.

Elliott shook his head in confusion. Who was they? “No one fucking got to me, I actually don’t know who or what you’re talking about,” he tried to explain.

“Then how?” Tae Joon asked - angry. Elliott was finally able to identify one of the things burning in Tae Joon’s glare. Anger, and maybe confusion as well. Fear.

How did this happen, they both seemed to be thinking. How did I let it get to this?

“How did you find out?” Tae Joon snapped when Elliott spent too long watching him. “Who told you?”

“Mystik,” Elliott blurted, shocking the other enough to pull back just a little bit. “Kind of,” he went on in a hurry. “She sent you something, and I - I think the new software they implemented for security read my name enough times in it so it got forwarded to me - I don’t know exactly! I didn’t do it on purpose, it must be mald- malfuk - bugging out! So, I went to check, and I’d show you the forum post I found, but it’s gone already, I swear.”

Tae Joon took a step back, then another. “What did you find?”

Elliott let out a breath, wet his lips in a nervous tic. He shrugged. “Just - just an article.”

Disgraced computer technician -

Wanted for murdering his sister -

Tae Joon looked away suddenly and down the hall, like he was planning on running again. His frown was so intense a crease began to form between his brow.

“I didn’t tell anyone,” Elliott said firmly. “I promise. But - what happened?”

“I can’t tell you that,” Tae Joon told him quickly. “If you don’t know, I can’t tell you.”

“Okay,” Elliott replied, despite how much he wanted to push.

Tae Joon seemed to sense that, gave him a troubled look. “I didn’t do it.”

“I know,” Elliott told him. “I believe you.”

It it was so easy to say, but they both knew it was more than the words spoken out loud. The admission meant Tae Joon’s shoulders could drop from their high strung, protected hunch. It meant they could both breathe. It meant Elliott could push off from the wall, get close - slowly - and gently retrieve the gun Tae Joon held to find that the safety was on. Because if he didn’t have to, Tae Joon wasn’t going to hurt him. He‘d never wanted to hurt anyone.

He put his fingers on the cool metal lining Tae Joon’s jaw to get him to look at Elliott.

“I believe you,” Elliott repeated, and Tae Joon kissed him for it. He put an open hand on the back of Elliott’s head and threaded his fingers through the curls that were there, pulling him in roughly. Elliott made a surprised noise but recovered fast enough. He pushed an arm underneath Tae Joon’s open coat to wind it around man’s waist and pressed his front to the other’s, hoping that somehow he’d get Tae Joon to feel the honesty in his words through an embrace. Thinking that he could show off the part of Elliott that was dedicated purely to him by just holding him against his chest.

Anything to get Tae Joon to stop kissing him in that same, desperate way as before, like he was still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Elliott said when they broke apart. He didn’t let the other go, though, and rested his forehead against his. “So you can’t either.”

Tae Joon’s features darken in a very particular way. “Don’t say that.” When Elliott lifted his head a little to show him a confused expression, he goes on to explain. “They take everything.”

Who’s they? I’ll kick they’s ass.

“They can’t take Mirage,” he said, smiling. “According to you, he’s too hard to carry.”

Instead of laughing, or giving that smarmy little smirk, or even rolling his eyes, Tae Joon raised a brow and asked, “What about Elliott?”

“Elliott’s yours,” he told him without thinking. “No one’s taking that.”

Tae Joon Park moved back in to kiss Elliott again.

=====

thanks for the prompt :^)

#apex legends #crypto #mirage #elliott witt #cryptage #cryage #those are the tags i know i'm sorry #kon's a writer #tae joon park

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shellheadtm-a · 4 years

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anon | ‘✖‘ cuz it seems like you're only willing to rp w/ people who are big on aesthetics, or 'friends only' ...

anon | ‘✖‘ the times i have reached out to you, i've been ignored... i do love your blog so, but naturally i'm hesitant because of that.

i’m gonna answer these together and be breathtakingly, brutally honest about myself here. first things first: i remade in part because this was a bit of a problem, in that so much was happening on my dash at all times i literally could not keep up with the influx of ims, how fast my dash moved, and it was incredibly, awfully, not fun overwhelming. rp started to feel like a job, and i’m not here for that. i couldn’t keep up. i was stretched thin. so naturally i gravitated back to the people i have sure, plotted things with. things i don’t have to think hard about because i don’t have to really consider how tony feels, i already know. does any of this make sense? probably not. but this is a lot of it. there was just too much, at all times, going on, and now that i’m here, on this new blog, the list of people i’m following is genuinely under a quarter of how many i was. i do regular clean outs when things aren’t clicking.

so let me clear up the main elephant in the room here that...if you’re here, if i’m following you. i want to rp with you. i don’t care if you’re 616. i don’t care if you’re mcu. i don’t care if you’re another fandom. i don’t care if you’re an oc. i don’t. if i’m here and you’re here, i want the thing. sometimes it’s gonna take some hashing out before we do the thing, however. and that all comes down to the point that scenarios that would work for an mcu based tony will not work for a 616 based one. things have to be kinda guided, i know not everyone is familiar with the comics and how astronomically different tony is. but i’m here to do that, to talk about, to explain how he’s different and answer any questions anyone may have because i am a literal tony stark wiki article. except more indepth and a better wealth of cited sources. you get me? please i am begging you - if you ever legit have questions about how comic tony is different, i am always happy and more than willing to answer them. you’re giving me a chance to do my favorite thing, which is talk about my boy.

and if i’ve ever ghosted you in an im or something, it’s by accident usually. again, i used to get...so many ims. so many. i could not keep up. i’d open something with the intention of replying and get swamped with something else and...by the time i realized i’d never replied it’d been ages and i’d look like an asshole. like i said, my dash is much, much, much smaller now. and i definitely intend to keep it that way. i’m still bad about being flaky on tumblr ims, i don’t know why my brain hates them so much. and i will say disco is literally the best place for this kind of thing, if you have it. but i’m doing what i can - now that i’m not...drowning under the weight of things - to keep up with what i have. i’m...well, probably still failing miserably, but i’m trying. there’s also the fact that i’m socially anxious, shy, and awkward. i don’t do the whole hi how are you thing very well. i do better, handle it better, if we just jump right into it. it gives me something to latch on to that’s not the social graces i lack. (as a note, you’ll probably notice i’m in literally almost no marvel/rp servers at all that aren’t exceptionally tiny and closed, and this is part of that, too.)

last two things, here we go. one, there are certain people (that shall remain nameless) that i have a lot of things with. and by a lot i mean unintentionally they make up the bulk of my drafts and inbox. we just have plotted and built so much we have a lot to say. but that doesn’t mean i’m closed to having more friends like that. let me be really clear about that. i’m absolutely here for it. and now, hopefully, with such a small dash, i can do that. like everyone else, sure, i have my friends. we happen to have plotted things more. i have threads i’m really excited about, and they get a faster turn around - strike while the iron is hot, etc. but it’s because we talk and plot that that happens. i know i’m kinda awkward, and it takes a tic to get me comfortable. i don’t do small talk at all. but honestly - i prefer being friends with people i write with because it makes it all just...so much easier than writing with a stranger. i’ve never been very good at that, and i come - originally - from an rp background stretching back to livejournal and dreamwidth where friend groups move through the community together, and all the friend groups are interconnected by some people so they merge and move and...it’s like that. it’s how i know how to operate. and i would love - and i can’t believe i’m finally gonna say it - to have a good, solid group. for continuity and plotting. a bunch of avengers rpers where we can just. set up a continuity line and run with it. would fucking love that.

lastly, here’s the the thing: i don’t give a good doodly fuck all about aesthetics. i really don’t. i like making things in photoshop, it’s fun for me. it’s a hobby. it’s relaxing some days to do nothing but make comic edits. i like comic artwork, so i make things out of it. a lot of the rpc is into it. i know some people do it for...idk. popularity points. but it’s completely incidental. i make things because i want to, not because i give a good goddamn what anyone else thinks about it. don’t use icons? cool, that’s fine. don’t have a fancy theme? great, those don’t matter. don’t make fancy promos? okay, would you like one? i like making promos. like it’s a thing that literally just doesn’t matter to me, but is also a hobby that overlaps the rpc and it is what it is.

a lot of my reticence has to do with the fact that...i worry people come here looking for a tony stark that acts like mcu tony, and uses comic artwork, and that’s not what this is. i’m a comic tony through and through, and he’s as different as you can get without a lot of core things being true. i feel like that’s probably disappointing to some people, and if it is, i’m sorry, but it’s why, ultimately, overall i was disappointed with how the mcu panned out. but it makes me really kinda...gunshy, even though i very much want to interact with you if you’re here! i do. and that’s the truth of it.

why aren’t we rping | accepting

#file //: ( anonymous )#array //: ( ooc asks )#// i had a real problem feeling uncomfortable on my own blog #// before i remade #// it seemed like #// i couldn't just enjoy rp #// there was always something #// now though?#// i feel pretty good about it #// small dash #// full of people i genuinely want to interact with #// even if i am a forgetful idiot #// if i ever just kind of #// seem to forget #// (because that's what it is)#// just nudge me #// i won't be mad about it i swear #// you're doing me a favor

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thefinalcinderella · 5 years

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Tsurune Book 2 Chapter 4-Unsolicited Statement (Part 2)

The only thing worse than kyudo terminology...is Shinto and Buddhism terminology.

In other words, please enjoy this long-awaited continuation of the chapter, where the boys go to the Amatsu Star Festival in their fancy getup and we learn that Ren is actually Masaki’s stepbrother (not like the anime didn’t already spoil that for us). Also Nikaidou and Fuwa show up (not at the festival)

Glossary here

Full list of translations here

Translation Notes

1. A sekitori is a sumo wrestler ranked in the top two professional divisions.

2. A multi-tenant building here ( 雑居ビル) is a building that houses a mixture of businesses, shops and residences

3. Aratama and nikitama are parts of the spirit (mitama) of a god in Shinto belief. The aratama is the rough and violent side of the god that must be appeased while the nikitama is its normal state. (Thanks yugioh wiki for leading me to the right place)

4. The jousou of a priest is worn at regular festivals. A kariginu is a traditional hunting robe worn by Heian nobles. Basically, what Masa-san is wearing here is what he wore in Episode 10 of the anime (when the boys visit the shrine) except it’s all white.

5. Issun-boshi is a Japanese folktale about a one sun (3cm) boy who kills an oni. It’s similar to Tom Thumb and you can read the gist of it here

6. Jaki (邪気) means maliciousness or evil spirits, and mujaki (無邪気, literally “no jaki”) means innocence.

7. So apparently tsumikegare is a complicated term. Tsumi is sin and kegare is impurity, but sometimes tsumikegare happens to you without you doing anything wrong. In any case it taints your energy and you have to cleanse yourself of it.

8. The ritual Masa-san’s mom is doing is the shubatsu, a purification ritual that takes place before a ceremony. Also, ooasa is more commonly known as onusa, apparently. See one here. The sakaki tree is an evergreen that’s sacred in Shinto and used in many rituals, as well as salt water (entou), which is rock salt dissolved in water.

9. The term kaji ( 加持) is used here. In Buddhism it corresponds to Adhiṣṭhāna, which refers to receiving blessings from the Buddha. On a side note I pretty much had to guess the translation of this passage lol

10. Joue ( 定慧) is two-thirds of the Threefold Training of Buddhism. 定 is “right mindfulness” and 慧 is wisdom. The third one is 戒, which is virtue.

11. Momote Shiki is a kyudo ceremony performed for those who are turning 20 and becoming adults. It is conducted by the Ogasawara-ryuu, who dress in formal kimonos and shoot two arrows at a target. You can read about one in more detail here

12. A naorai is a banquet during a festival where the offerings made to the gods are eaten. It marks the end of a ritual. Read more about it here

13. A goldfish with protruding eyes is called a telescope goldfish or demekin

14. Nanao makes up the word pazarinko in Chapter 3 of Book 1, where apparently it’s supposed to mean “you’re welcome” It’s the furigana for “了解” which means “got it”

15. Yo-yo scooping is a popular festival game where you fish for small balloons with a paper string and a hook. The balloons you get act like yo-yos I think?

16. Yakitori is skewered chicken that’s grilled over a charcoal fire.

17. A marebito is a word that refers to a divine spirit or being bringing gifts of luck and happiness from afar. They are usually welcomed with festivals. It’s lso the title of the next chapter

Previous | Next

Countermeasures against the heat were necessary for summer exercise. Kyudo was no exception.

Kazemai High School was located in a relatively cool region of Japan, and kyudo was blessed compared to outdoor sports, but it was still hot during daytime. Although there was a fan, the wind almost never reached them, and so the fan head desolately turned.

In summer, the kyudo equipment also changed due to the heat. Because it was easy for the bowstring to stretch and for the draw strength to weaken if it was a bamboo bow, one used different equipment for summer and winter. The heat had little effect on glass fibre bows, but one needed to be careful as they could deform if one left them inside a car under the blazing sun.

For kyudogi, there were ones used specially for summer in addition to year-round. As the kyudo uniform must not be directly worn on bare skin, an undershirt must be worn, and the style for the bottom was a hakama that completely covered the feet. It was difficult to say that it was a cool getup. People who sweated a lot and the like had their sweat dripping onto the floor during zasha.

At break, Ryouhei and Nanao flapped the sides of their hakama.

“Ugh, it’s so humid since there’s no wind today.”

“The floor’s so steaming hot it’s like there’s indoor heating. My hakama’s getting stuck to my feet with all the sweat, you know.”

“Can you wash hakama?”

“The hakama and obi we wear for practice are made of synthetic fibers, so you can put them in a laundry bag and wash them with a washing machine. If you take them to a dry cleaner’s, it’ll be expensive since they’ll undergo the traditional clothing treatment. Though, the hakama Masa-san wears when he needs to wear kimono is probably made of silk or wool, so I don’t think he can use the washing machine for that.”

“My underglove is also really damp from all the sweat.”

“I hate having a sweaty yugake, so I’m going to air it out when I get home. Although when I say that, I’m just going to spread it out in my room and turn it over. Apparently, it’s also good to put a drying agent in it.”

The two replaced their undergloves that had become damp with sweat with new ones. In the case that one’s grip became slippery with palm sweat, one could also use rice chaff ashes, called fudeko, or one’s own white powder on the left hand.

Seiya handed Minato a towel and a water bottle. The ice made a cool, rattling sound, and the barley tea disappeared in an instant.

“Minato, if it’s not enough I can give you more.”

“Ah, thanks. I’ll have more later.”

“Are you suffering from heat fatigue? It looks like your dad has a lot of business trips lately, but are you eating properly?”

“Mm, I’m fine.”

Kaito, who was next to Minato and Seiya as they talked, knitted his brows.

“Are you mothering Narumiya again, Seiya? Leave him alone, he’s not a little kid.”

“Isn’t it fine? It’s not bothering anyone, and it’s my purpose in life.”

“So you finally got serious.”

“What? Do you want me to mother you too, Kaito?”

“Not a chance!”

“I also don’t want to take care of a child with such a bad expression.”

“I’m not a ‘child’ with a bad expression!”

Kaito finished his water bottle in one go.

Hanazawa, Shiragiku, and Seo had on dumbfounded expressions that said, “Ah, here we go again.” They were completely used to seeing the sketch comedies that Kaito was associated with.

Tommy-sensei asked them to gather around.

“Were you all able to hydrate? Takigawa-san explained this the other day, but what is the method of breathing while shooting?”

Ryouhei answered.

“If you’re concerned about your breathing, it becomes more difficult for you to know how to shoot. Or rather, you can’t do both at the same time.”

“Exactly so. Since the way of dantian breathing used in kyudo is slightly different than the commonly stated dantian breathing, and it is difficult for those who hold the bow and still have a few years to go, it is good to store it as knowledge in a corner of your minds right now.”

“Yes.”

“If I have to be extreme, Japanese archery is lifting the bow up, parting it in both directions, and waiting to release the arrow—that is all it is. Even though just that should be good enough, people do unnecessary and pointless actions. First of all, let’s correct the major causes that produce difficulties for hitting the target. Because when you covet this-and-that, you will not be able to understand why.”

Ryouhei nodded deeply.

“Now then, it will be summer vacation soon and there will be a training camp, but before that, I will give everyone a mission. The gentlemen will be time warping back to the Heian era.”

“Heian era? Time warp? What does that mean?”

“For that, go there and enjoy what happens. The girls will be in charge of seeing that with their own eyes.”

Minato and the others blinked rapidly before Tommy-sensei, who was chuckling.

“Ah.”

Tsujimine High School’s Fuwa let out a sound without thinking.

The person before him was clicking their tongue.

Fuwa was at the bus stop in front of the hospital with his phone in one hand. A man with a muscular figure, on par with a sekitori (1), was in front of him in line, but he seemed to have decided something and left the line. Just when Fuwa was about to close up the gap and lifted his head, he saw Nikaidou right in front of him. They couldn’t see each other due to the large man hiding them.

Nikaidou opened his naturally large eyes even wider. Since their eyes met perfectly all the way here, his face that screamed, I didn’t know you were there at all, was extremely transparent.

He muttered to him, as though resigned to the situation,

“The bus is here. Let’s get on it, Fuwa.”

“…Right.”

They did not talk to each other even as they sat next to each other in the two-person seat. Fuwa still had his phone in hand, and Nikaidou was vacantly staring out the window. Neither of them said anything like, “What a coincidence,” or “What happened?”

The bus arrived at the nearest station fifteen minutes later.

Although Fuwa intended on naturally parting from him in this way, Nikaidou indicated his destination with his chin.

“Come.”

Without saying “What a pain,” he followed Nikaidou to the fast food restaurant on the first floor of the multi-tenant building. (2)

Nikaidou silently lined up at the register.

"Welcome. Will you be eating here today?"

"Yes."

"Then, may I take your order?"

"I'll have one of whatever is the most expensive thing in this store."

"Okay?"

The cashier was immediately bewildered.

As he was getting second-hand embarrassment from what he was seeing, Fuwa went to the second floor seats.

After a while, Nikaidou showed up carrying a tray. Apparently he couldn't carry it by himself, as employees were following him. The tray was piled high with food, so it did not look like it was for two people at all.

When the employees left, Nikaidou sat in his seat and spoke.

"Here, eat."

"Is that how you offer food to someone?"

"Just shut up and do it now!"

Forced by pressure, Fuwa reluctantly took a bite of a hamburger. He had actually snatched food in the hospital room he had visited, so he was not at all hungry. When Fuwa finished eating one, Nikaidou looked relieved. He himself finally took the food as well.

Ah, so this is hush money?

Fuwa guessed.

It probably meant that he was not allowed to reveal that they ran into each other at the hospital. He couldn't ask anything about this matter. Furthermore, he is telling him to infer all of that. What a self-centered guy, he thought, but he stopped pressing it. Having him be quiet with this signified that Nikaidou trusted him greatly.

Nikaidou was hiding the fact that his uncle Shigeyuki was in hospital from the club members. Perhaps Shigeyuki asked him not to tell anyone. And Fuwa knew that Nikaidou had been visiting him frequently. That kind of thing would be divulged by someone close to him, and that information source was Nikaidou's younger brother. Because he knew, he was careful not so that they would not meet, but they ended up doing that regardless. In that sense, this whole situation was Fuwa's mistake.

Fuwa had a certain special quality.

It was the ability to get information even without seeking it.

Even though he wasn't extending an antenna from himself and collecting information, the things the people around him hid or wanted to hide entered his ears. He noticed that when he received a piece of coloured paper from his homeroom teacher at his elementary school graduation ceremony.

It was a collection of messages for the graduation ceremony, but among the trite and hackneyed phrases like "I'll do my best even after I graduate," he was unable to take his eyes from the words written by one girl.

Fuwa-kun has long ears, so bad things about Fuwa-kun are the only things I was afraid to say—.

He couldn't believe his eyes when he first saw that. He had no interest in the conversations of girls, so he never strained his ears for them. And in the first place, saying that he had "long ears" was in itself a loose-tongued thing to do. It may have happened that he did not notice the girl was hiding something and inadvertently said it aloud.

From then on, he began to be careful about his speech and conduct. He avoided topics that seemed like they would infringe on privacy as much as possible, and did not left out anything that he heard. It felt like the number of people who one-sidedly talked to him excessively increased, perhaps because he devoted himself to the listener's role. There were many people who wanted to talk, even without him asking. They could not help but vomit out the words that they kept close to their chests.

In addition, there were also many times when he accidentally overheard and learned something. The other day, he learned why Nikaidou often wore a white hoodie. When he went to the school infirmary, there was a health report there forgotten by the nurse. It was written that Nikaidou Eisuke was hypersensitive to light, and that if he was exposed to ultraviolet rays for a long time, it would cause skin inflammation.

And, there was another thing. He knew Nikaidou's secret—.

Ootaguro had also vaguely perceived it, and only Nikaidou himself thought it had not been found out. Ootaguro was not as meatheaded as Nikaidou thought he was. Nikaidou was smart, but lacked objectivity. He couldn't see himself very well.

Fuwa stuffed his mouth with his last bite, then washed it down with coke.

"Alright, it's all eaten."

"Ugh, I'm not gonna be eating hamburgers and fries for a long time."

When they exited the restaurant, Nikaidou pointed above his head.

"I'm gonna be stopping by the store up there."

"Oh, then see ya."

Nikaidou smiled, looking satisfied, and climbed the steps to the store.

Fuwa looked up at the sky.

The sound of a flute could be heard, and faint lights emerged.

At Yata Shrine, the summer festival called the Amatsu Star Festival was currently underway. Along the long stairs that stretched from the torii gate to the front shrine, bamboo tubes with the tops diagonally cut were arranged with lit candles inside them. The swaying flames were like whispers, enticing people to where the sounds were.

Sway, sway.

O marebito, o heretic gods.

Are you aratama tonight, or nikitama? (3)

Hanazawa, Shiragiku, and Seo, dressed in yukata, stopped at the top of the steps.

"Wow, the stairs of light are so beautiful!"

"Look at the interior. It's still continuing."

"Let's go."

The lights flickered, as though beckoning them. They passed between the bamboo tubes and looked back, and saw a river of light.

"Are the boys going to be here soon?"

Hanazawa confirmed the time.

"I wonder if they successfully completed the time warp."

"The girls' mission is to see it with our own eyes, after all."

The three giggled as they headed for the front shrine.

The five boys of Kazemai High School were also visiting Yata Shrine, but they could not afford to enjoy the festival. They first thing they did in the morning was to do an ablution ceremony by bathing in cold water (misogi). They also refrained from eating meat and fish since yesterday.

On this day, Minato and the others were wearing colourful kimonos and hakama, looking just like Heian nobles. Masa-san was dressed all in white. The ordinary vestments (jousou) of a priest was a dyed and patterned kariginu, a hakama in a colour that corresponded to the priest's social position, a cap called a tateeboshi, a ritual baton (shaku), and shallow clogs (asagutsu), but the kimono was all white with only a little decoration at the cuffs. (4)

In actuality, Yata Shrine was reviving the ritual "matoi" (target shooting), which had died out, and the Kazemai High School Kyudo Club boys were serving the roles of the archers.

Minato moved awkwardly in the clothes he was unaccustomed to wearing. The weights of the pure silk kimono and the practice clothes he usually wore were different, and he took care not to make it dirty.

"Masa-san, are we really going to be okay? We're wearing these flashy kimonos and hakama, and shoes made of wood. We're doing rissha, aren't we?"

"The target is big, and you'll be fine if you move as you practiced this morning. Exposing your chest in summertime is troublesome since your kimono sticks to you with sweat, but it works as a natural cooler."

"In the first place, why is it that except for the one priest, everyone else are boys from ages twelve to eighteen?"

"In ancient times, Yata Shrine was a shrine thatwas connected to the practitioners of Shugendou, and the purpose of 'matoi' was to exorcise vengeful spirits. As you can see from folk tales like Momotarou and Issun-boushi (5), 'douji' (boys) are said to have the power to exorcise demons--evil spirits. And in the ancient documents left at Yata Shrine, it is written that the archers are chigo, that is, young trainee monks with unshaven heads at Buddhist temples. The discussion of wanting to revive it has been brought up by the parishioners for a long time, but I only got enthusiastic about it when I talked about it with Tommy-sensei."

"So 'innocence' is the opposite of 'vengeful spirits'. (6) But why would there be young monks at a Shinto shrine?"

"Before the Meiji era, there was the syncretism of Shinto and Buddhism, in other words, Shinto and Buddhism weren't distinctly separated. Apparently, it wasn't unusual for priests to double as monks."

"Oh, I see."

When the festival music (matsuri-bayashi) ended, the archers and parishioners, with Masa-san at the head, stood before the shelves that held rice, salt, water, sake, fish and other offerings to the gods. The parishioners were serving as the kaizoes. The target (oomato) was made of flattened reeds that were woven together, and a piece of paper put on top of it had the character for "demon" written on it.

They received a purification rite from Masa-san's mother, who was a priest, to purify their sins and impurities (tsumikegare) of their mind and body. (7) She shook the ooasa, a rod of plain wood with shide (zigzag paper streamers) attached to it, left and right and left again, and then a sprig of sakaki tree was dipped into entou (salt water) and sprinkled. (8)

Masa-san walked a few steps ahead of the line, and then knelt (kiza) with a bow and white-feathered arrow in hand.

He chanted with a resonant voice.

Upon careful consideration, what one would call a treasured bow of divine empowerment (9), is something that strenuously exerts the virtues of joue (10), clears away the mob of hindrances,

And defeats the evil forces that block the way to samsara. Indeed, there is nothing that surpasses a divine bow and secret arrow for a vessel of expelling evil forces.

Now, the five great dragon kings have descended upon this dojo and will establish barriers that will block these evil spirits…

When he stood up, he had his bow and arrow in his right hand, and exposed his chest by slipping his kimono from his left shoulder. With both hands, he reverently held the bow parallel to the ground and then pointed it towards the target (mato-tsuki). He gripped the bow in a slanted position and drew it back to its limit, and then released the arrow.

His next arrow also hit the center of the target.

When Kaito, the oomae, lifted his bow, Ryouhei also lifted his own bow without missing a beat. After him, Seiya, Nanao, Minato and Masa-san imitated Kaito’s movements.

Kaito slowly brought the head of his arrow close to the target.

“Aiiiiiie!” After he shouted his yagoe, his arrow flew towards the target.

After him, Ryouhei also released his arrow with a “Yah”, and Seiya, Nanao, Minato and Masa-san followed.

Aiiiiiie, yah!

The yagoes crawled along the ground, the sounds that violently cut through the wind being linked together.

When the six shootings were over, there was a big round of applause from the spectators.

“What was that? Were those Kazemai students who were shooting?”

“Holy crap, that was amazing! We can take pictures, right?”

The female high school students who were watching as a way to kill time were in high spirits. Hanazawa, Shiragiku, and Seo, who were watching over them, were also leaning forward in excitement.

“Since they called it a ritual, I was wondering what they were going to do, but wasn’t it pretty cool?”

“It really did feel like we time-warped back to the Heian era.”

“They were moving similar to the Momote Shiki of the Ogasawara-ryuu school.” (11)

While the worshippers were chattering noisily, Kaito drew his bow tightly once again. There was a dignified air surrounding him.

The yagoes were shouted one after the other.

Six voices.

When the last shot brought down the demon, a thunderous round of applause arose.

After they finished their greetings, Minato and the others changed into their regular clothes.

Tommy-sensei met them with a smile.

“You’ve all worked hard on your mission. Congratulations to everyone for safely returning to present-day. You all looked very handsome.”

The parishioners also gave them words of appreciation and gratitude.

“What a mystical ceremony it was, as though we became lost in an older world. Many of us parishioners are getting on in years, but the ones who will create the future are you young people after all. Now, now, eat up.”

“Then, itadakimasu.”

They took the food before them. At the naorai (12), Ren was also there along with the parishioners, going around pouring alcohol for each person. A naorai also had the meaning of cleansing the body obtaining the offerings to the goods through eating and drinking the offerings and sake at the end of the ritual, but at Yata Shrine it had a strong sense of a party given in recognition of a person’s services.

It was a long-awaited and precious festival. They also wanted to go around to see all the stalls.

After talking for a while, the boys stood from their seats, leaving the adults who were drinking.

It was a complete transformation from that refined world, and they flocked to the area lined with red lanterns. The scents of sauces and sugary things mingled together. Nanao was called out to by girls as they passed by him, and he answered them with smiles. They went halfway down the row of stalls, when Minato and Ryouhei decided to take on the target shooting stall.

“I think I’ll aim for the sweets on the right. What about you, Ryouhei?”

“I see. I’ll be aiming for that mascot ‘Reclining Kaehru-kun.’”

“Alright, then, it’s a match.”

The two carefully aimed and pulled their triggers. Despite Minato bombarding it with bullets, the small box of sweets did not fall down. He persistently continued to shoot, and when he thought that it finally fell, he was disappointed when he was told that “it doesn’t count if it doesn’t fall behind the shelf.” As Ryouhei declared, he got the “Reclining Kaehru-kun,” and handed it to Nanao.

“Oooooh, this is amazing! Thanks, Ryouhei. Let’s go over there next.”

The group went to the goldfish scooping stall next.

Nanao and Seiya, with Kaito between them, were standing by.

“Seiya, Kacchan is a master at goldfish scooping.”

“Oh really? Show me what you got.”

Kaito’s eyes glinted. A daring smile appeared on his lips.

He readied his scoop in his right hand and the bowl for the goldfish in his right, and then passed his scoop under the water. He quickly slid it sideways and got one fish at the start. He then got a second one, a third one, a fourth one, and then the bowl was filled with goldfish before they knew it.

“Good job, Kaito. Alright, I’ll try too.”

Seiya gently put his scoop in the water and chased the swimming goldfish, but the fish escaped before he could put them in the bowl.

“Aaah, it got torn.”

“Seiya is surprisingly crap at this.”

“Sir, one more turn.”

Seiya paid the fee.

“Kaito, teach me your secret.”

“Watch closely, okay? First, you gotta put the whole scoop into the water. You should scoop by aiming for the fish at the surface and moving horizontally as much as possible, and making sure that the tail is getting on the paper.”

As he was saying that, he caught another one. Even the man at the stall said, “Give it a rest, kid,” with a wry smile. Perhaps because he listened to Kaito’s advice, Seiya got two fish this time.

Nanao kept aiming for the bigger fish, but at the end he did not catch a single fish. He returned his torn scoop to the man and pointed at one spot where the goldfish were crowding together.

“Kacchan, get that black fish with the stuck-out eyes buried under those red goldfish.” (13)

“Hmm, it’s big, and that location is ugh.”

“You can still do it, can’t you? Get it, get it!”

“Can’t be helped.”

Badgered by Nanao, he reluctantly attempted it, but his paper scoop got torn when he got close to the fish.

“Ooh, what a shame, kid,” the man at the stall said with a pleased face. They decided to bring back only three fish, and Nanao chose a fish to his liking. In the meantime, Minato and Ryouhei went to take a look at the neighbouring stall.

After they received their goldfish, Kaito looked around.

“Narumiya and Ryouhei aren’t at the stall next door at all?”

“Aah…, this happened a lot back then. Whenever those two are at a festival, they really get into it and disappear before you know it. Well, it’s fine.”

“Huh, it’s really ok? You not clinging to Narumiya, I mean.”

“Yep. Today, I’m sticking close to your side.”

Kaito recoiled from Seiya, who was smiling with his eyes narrowed.

“Hah? Why’s that?”

“In this kind of place, the possibility of you rather than Minato getting caught up in trouble is much higher. And you have even less self control when it comes to Nanao. As you wished, I shall specially take care of you today.”

“When did I wish for that!?”

Next to Kaito, who was scratching his head, Seiya was ready to burst into laughter.

“Okay, I texted Minato and Ryouhei our meeting location and time, so let’s walk around together.”

Nanao responded, “’Kay, pazarinko (14). Where should we go next? The turtle scooping stall?”

“Turtles, huh…those things get huge in the future. We can’t bring them back with us.”

“I wanna get big too.”

“Then, milk scooping?”

“Ooh, maybe! Moo-moo scooping~.”

“That’s not even a thing! If you’re talking about scooping, there’s yo-yos and gemstones.” Kaito answered, getting worked up and taking the joke seriously. (15)

The three disappeared into the crowd while jostling.

At the same time, Minato and Ryouhei had also noticed that they had lost sight of their friends, and looked at their phones.

"So we're meeting in front of the shrine office. There's still time until then. What do you want to do, Ryouhei?"

" I wanna eat yakitori. (16) You mind if I line up at that stand over there?"

"It's cool. I'll wait under this tree."

Minato left the lively avenue lined with stands, heading for the zelkova tree.

The rhythm of the festival music could be heard in the distance. Since from the morning he had been busy with the setup of the oomato and learning how to strip during a rissha ceremonial shooting, observing the festival from a little further away also wasn't bad at all. The flickering of the river of light pierced his eyes.

Just when he was about to twist off the cap of the plastic bottle in his hand, someone with their hand raised approached him from the front. At first he couldn't recognize their face since it was lit from behind, but it turned out to be Ren.

"Hey, Minato-kun. We sure do meet a lot."

"Ren-san, is it okay for you to be here?"

"Trying to drive me off, eh?"

"Ah, no, I was just wondering if it's okay for you to not be at the naorai."

"Oh, it's already in the final stage, so they probably wouldn't know if just one person is missing."

Ren stood next to Minato and similarly twisted the cap off his plastic bottle.

"How's it going with kyudo practice?"

"Thanks to having Masa-san teach us, I think everyone improved, as well as me."

"I heard that you were taught by a sensei who is famous in the kyudo world. Aren't you unsatisfied with Masaki?"

"That absolutely isn't true! Saionji-sensei and Masa-san are both my precious teachers. If I never met them both, I might not be shooting a bow today."

Ren suddenly laughed, but there was something cold about the way he did it.

"Really, that's good to hear. Masaki had been worried for a while. He told you that 'If you don't fix that bad habit, the more you shoot, the more it will hurt,' but he worried that he should have said, 'Once you fix that bad habit, you will get even better,' and that he made a mistake in how he should have said it. Thinking that there’s nothing good about a coach who lowers his athlete's motivation."

"Eh, he was?"

"Even for those who teach, there's actually a real anxiety about whether or not what they are doing is really okay. Masaki did kyudo for many years, but as a teacher, he's a beginner. Everyone's an amateur for the first time they're doing anything. Studying, exercise, the arts, work, raising children—everything has a first time."

"—That's true."

People wavered whenever they are doing something. Even if they weren't aware of it, even if they weren’t in pain or suffering, they were always making choices. Even after the time of the initial resolution, in the end they still didn't know what was the correct answer. One could only cast away doubts such as if there was another choice, and go the way one believed in.

Minato asked something he had always been curious about.

"Ren-san, you don't do kyudo?"

"Yeah, I don't. There was a time when I thought I'd try it, but I missed the timing."

"So Yasaka-sensei didn't encourage you to do kyudo."

"Uh huh. I was already a full-fledged adult, and I was the child of his daughter's second marriage partner, so he probably refrained from doing that."

"...What?"

"You know Masaki's mother remarried, don't you? I'm the kid from my dad's previous marriage. I'm not related to Mom and Masaki by blood."

The wind blew, and the flames swayed all at once.

The leaves rustled and wriggled.

Minato groped for something to follow up with.

"Ren-san, are you trying to surprise me again? Even I won't fall for it anymore."

"Oh, so Masaki didn't tell you. Well, maybe he didn’t bother telling his student about it. It's about unrelated people after all."

Minato very much remembered his thirst. The scar on his left flank ached.

Ren always spoke like there was a hidden meaning in his words, but he really couldn't see his true meaning this time.

"Minato-kun, I actually hate you a little bit. I thought that when Masaki finished his ten-thousand shots, he could be freed from our grandfather's binding spell, but he relapsed back into being bow-crazy. He was about to go on the same path as the grandfather he avoided so much."

"Is it bad to love kyudo?"

"I don't think it's bad, but I do think it's constricting and uncomfortable."

Minato wanted to refute him. No, you're wrong.

Masa-san, Shuu, and Minato were certainly struggling, and might be suffering, but those shouldn’t be all that there was.

"Masa-san's tsurune is really beautiful. I don't believe it's the sound of someone who is shooting in suffering. I enjoy shooting a bow. It's frustrating to not be able to do things as they go in my mind and not getting considerably better, but even so, I love kyudo."

Ren's eyes stayed the same, with only his mouth smiling.

"It is said that Yata Shrine's Amatsu Star Festival is perhaps for appeasing Amatsu-Mikaboshi, who is branded as a malevolent god. For my home, you are a marebito—a guest. Nobody knows if you are a good spirit or an evil spirit." (17)

"Ren-san..."

"Fufu, you are too amusing... It's a joke, I'll be leaving my little brother in your care."

Ren lifted a hand and left.

Ryouhei showed up in his place, bringing along Seiya, Kaito and Nanao.

Minato blinked his eyes from the dazzling, diffusely reflected light.

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#tsurune #tsurune translation

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toonstarterz · 6 years

Text

BECAUSE I’M NOT POPULAR, I’LL READ WATAMOTE: CHAPTER #141

The first half of Golden Week is over, and Tomoko has found herself the object of “platonic" affection for four different suitors. And as our intrepid heroine muses over the which of them to pursue, out of nowhere comes the dark horse. Once thought to be missing in action, this little girl, having been there since the very beginning, threatens to overtake the competition in one psychotic swoop.

Chapter 141: Because I’m Not Popular, I’ll Go to School with Kii-chan

The things that Stuffed Yuu-chan and Pals have seen...

Ah, the classic Introvert Burnout. I had a feeling Tomoko would be drained after having what may have been the most socially stressful time of her life. Not simply for being social, but for how much she had to navigate as a fish out of water. Each “date” involved a new experience for Tomoko to address, and that much effort at once can be really exhausting for a layabout like her.

That my friend is what we in the TvTropes community call, “Tempting Fate”.

Heeeeeere’s Kii-chan!

Can’t even begin to tell you how much I love this entrance. We all know who Kii-chan is. But even those outside of the loop would get a feel for who she is. Adorable and sweet-natured, but disturbing due to an apparent lack of negative emotions (even when appropriate). Ah, Kii-chan, it’s been far too long.

Nothing to say here, really. Just think it’s a particularly lovely picture of Tomoko.

Because the popularity of a manga series is largely dependent on real-time reception, it’s very common for mangakas to add new, “popular” characters, or give the spotlight to characters who’ve been out of focus. Watamote is no exception. It may seem contrived to bring Kii-chan back after being gone for a while, but it works here because it relies on Kii-chan’s character to it, instead of a series of implausible plot developments. Kii-chan is just considerate of her cousin’s schedule–that’s all we need.

The first hint of Tomoko’s reawakening as the role model onee-chan.

One of the perks of being a sporadically-appearing character is that you can really see just much the art style has evolved since the character’s last appearance. For Kii-chan, she hasn’t really changed much design-wise other than being a little taller. But even then, the linework is much cleaner and consistent this time around, which compliments the more “everyday slice-of-life” approach Watamote’s been embracing.

If only she could grow a nose.

The best thing about this type of censorship is that you don’t necessarily have to understand what's being censored. All you really need is a bit of context to put the pieces together. The outlines are detailed enough that we can see the characters as some kind of humanoids with animal features. And given what we know about Kii-chan, it makes perfect sense.

Y-Yeah, I...I’ve totally heard of that show.

Other than the whole Ucchi situation (which is slowly becoming an unintentional blessing), this is the last of the misunderstandings that still needs resolving. It’ll be hard, though, since this particular issue isn’t that troublesome. For now...

Look at that platonic sibling bonding.

Perhaps I’ve been conditioned by manga/anime, but I find it refreshing how Watamote has managed to develop the Kuroki siblings’ relationship while avoiding any incestual subtext. Lots of series oversell the sibling relationship by having them be overly affectionate and clingy. With Watamote, their bond feels organic because they don’t have to be touchy-feely. An unspoken quality time is all there is to it.

It’s hard to get a read on Tomoko’s emotions here, but at the very least, she seems troubled. It could very well be that Tomoko just realized that she’s changing in regards to the media she consumes. The former her would’ve probably jumped on the Kemono Friends bandwagon, but the reality is, Tomoko’s otaku interests are being compromised by the mainstream, at least as mainstream as rap battles get.

But the kicker is...she realizes this change isn’t all that bad.

Of course, nothing beats watching anime with your psychotic cousin.

The whole “pet-sitting” relationship they have here is a tricky one since each side is trying to accommodate the other based on “flaws” that don’t exist (or no longer exist). This usually results in an endless cycle of misunderstandings that lead to nowhere, but this confusion has transcended that cycle to develop into a progression of sorts. Similar to the Ucchi situation, the absurdity became so frequent that it just became reality. One that each side has been influenced greatly from.

With her constantly adorable face, you forget that Kii-chan is a middle-schooler and is therefore old enough to know about things like sex and perversion. Like Yuu-chan, she may look innocent, and while she was aware of such things as a kid, she didn’t really get it until they approached high-school age.

You know, I read this really good manga called Kaguya-sama: Love is War (shameless plug, I know), and they actually had a chapter about a rap battle a while back. Given that both series tend to be up-to-date on contemporary trends, it makes me wonder...has rap suddenly become a hot thing in Japan? Or has it always had its niche audience?

I’m sure many fans knew that this was going to be an inevitable development whenever Kii-chan showed up again. Unlike Tomoko’s school friends, Kii-chan wasn’t there to see the slow, gradual growth of Tomoko’s character, so it must have hit her like a ton of bricks to see her precious onee-chan go from helpless loner to mature teen in the blink of an eye.

Sometimes I wonder just how pitiful Kii-chan thought Tomoko really was...

Why would you censor Disneyland now of all times?

Those of us who were clamoring to get close-ups of the photos taken in the Disneyland arc finally get their wish.

The Kowarith photo is my favorite, even though two-thirds of the people in it are faking their asses off. While that may be my personal bias towards the Tomoko-Yoshida-Yuri trio, I think it reflects a better sense of kinship between the girls. The effort is there, phony as it is, to support each other in an awkward situation, which is fundamentally what the series is all about.

The assumedly Fireworks photo is also pleasing, make no mistake. You can definitely feel more genuine emotions (or lack thereof) being expressed than in the other photo. But this focuses more on the individual than how they work as a collective group, despite there being more people. The girls ultimately look like six different colored Skittles–part of the same package, but each unique.

Could this be the start of Kii-chan revitalizing her perception of Tomoko as a super popular girl? I sure hope so.

How ironic. Kii-chan’s perspective of Tomoko is starting to grow ever so gradually on the upside, whereas Tomoko’s perspective of Kii-chan grows more and more negative.

Hang on, is that supposed to be some fake Dragonite shirt? Neat.

At this point, people assuming that Yoshida as some kind of punk based on her looks is a dead horse of an issue. Some stereotypes exist for a reason, I suppose.

I see your game, Nico Tanigawa, using a deliberately vague line about “two girls” to make your readers overanalyze a single panel. All I have to say to that is that I am completely and utterly guilty.

One of the girls is probably Yuri, if only because she’s the only girl to appear in both photos. As for the second girl, your guess is as good as mine. I’m inclined to say Ucchi because if Kii-chan only has their appearances to go on, then Ucchi and her emoji-face make quite the impression.

I’m getting Yuu-chan vibes here with the way Kii-chan phrases half-insults with a friendly demeanor.

+ 1 TO THE HAREM.

Kii-chan is definitely that relative you leave a self-imposed boundary on. Fine in small doses, like at parties and family gatherings, but long-term exposure is unhealthy for the brain. This isn’t even a wholly exaggerated fantasy on Tomoko’s part. Okay, the eating bit is a little much, but given that Kii-chan allegedly dreams about treating Tomoko like a pet, the latter is right to be a little concerned.

There needs to be an AU one-shot of Tomoko, Tomoki, and Kii all going to the same school at the same time. Right. Now.

I do appreciate that despite Kii-chan’s deteriorating sanity, Tomoko doesn’t view her as a lost cause and even tries to put a positive spin on it. Reconciliation Arc is a-go!

Did Kii-chan really have that big of a growth spurt, or has Tomoko just reached her peak in height? Not sure how far the genetics will go, but Kii-chan becoming taller than Tomoko is only going to make her even more intimidating.

This little scheme of hers is definitely reflective of the “old” Tomoko, but there’s a nice reversal going on here. Instead of Tomoko trying to make things sound cooler than they actually are, she’s trying to make things seem worse. Of course, Murphy’s Tomoko’s Law states that anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Especially if Tomoko wants it to go right.

Ah, Ogino. The only character whose relationship with Tomoko has remained relatively unchanged despite indirectly having the most impact on Tomoko’s life.

Better update her Wiki page now.

It’s pretty telling how it’s these two who cause Tomoko the most grief. It’s not the delinquent who routinely bashes her face in, not the pervert(s) lusting after her little brother, and not the otaku who passive-aggressively teases her. As for why, I think it boils down to the fact that Ogino and Kii-chan challenge her comfort zone the most. It also doesn’t help that Tomoko doesn’t interact with them as often as the others, so she hasn’t really had the time to get desensitized by them.

This freakin’ teacher, man.

The second worst part of Ogino’s “help” is that she never actually lies. Sure, she exaggerates to hell and back, but it’s always loosely based in reality, like some cheap movie adaptation of a best-selling novel.

But the worst part of it is...you can’t hate Ogino for it. Her personal assessment may be founded on largely suspect reasons, but it’s still an honest assessment. I have no doubts that Ogino really is proud of Tomoko, and that’s exactly why she’s the best worst teacher.

That’s true. If Ogino gave that spiel to people like Hijirisawa or Hatsushiba–y’know, people who don’t know her as well–they might actually buy that crap. But people who know Tomoko like Yuri or Nemo, people like us, can tell that Ogino’s sugarcoating the whole thing. Kii-chan, with her terrifying skill for knowing too much, is no exception.

Ah, I see. This is one of those put-all-the-secondary-characters-who-we-haven’t-seen-in-a-while-into-one-chapter chapters.

Can’t complain, though. I like Itou.

“Or something” can also be translated as “lust after Tomoki”.

We don’t really have much to go on for how Itou views Tomoko, but I think it’s reasonable to think that she may not see her in that good of a light. Not only did Tomoko give off a weird impression when she played off the whole fist bump thing, but Itou’s “powers of perception” probably made her aware of Tomoko and Komiyama’s frenemy-ship, hence her “warning” that Komiyama was around.

The Inherent Awkwardness of Second-hand Relationships: The Life of Tomoko.

Betcha’ no one saw this interaction coming. Whether it’ll lead to anything more remains to be seen. Itou’s still got the whole “friendship potential” going on with Futaki, but given that she has the tolerance to BFF Komiyama, I see no reason why she can’t befriend a psycho like Kii-chan.

That desire to “loudly blow” is Kii-chan’s inner demons screeching out in desperation for release. I pity the fool who unleashes the beast.

That does sound like your typical amateur definition of a psychopath, doesn’t it?

For the record, I don’t actually believe Kii-chan is a psychopath, despite the jokes I made. There are way too many moments that discredit such a claim. Now, if you were to accuse Kii-chan as being some sort of deviant (sexual or otherwise) I might see that. But ultimately, I think Kii-chan was just a victim of having her innocence shattered too fast and too soon, which made her more, uh, crafty than Tomoko could handle.

Man, it’s been a long time while since we last saw Dicky-chan, hasn’t it? Hope we get to see more of her (and Sayaka, for that matter) after this chapter.

I love how even when she’s collecting masturbation material, Komiyama has to hold her camera phone all lady-like. If the term “purevert” ever needed a concrete definition, this girl would be it.

Main Character privileges, that’s why.

Get. The. FUCK. Out. Of. Here.

With each subsequent appearance, Komiyama’s standard for what constitutes a bitch primed to steal away her Tomoki-kun falls hilariously lower. It’s not enough that a girl in their class makes two seconds of eye contact with him, nosiree. Any girl with an inkling of a relationship with Tomoko is not immune, even if it’s his own damn cousin. Granted, I don’t think Komiyama would be so pathetically scummy as to confront Kii-chan about it like she did to Yoshida.

...I hope.

“Best friends” may be stretching it now that we’ve gotten this far in the series. However, there is one aspect of Tomoko and Komiyama’s relationship that triumphs over all the others:

Absolute candidness. Even now, the only one who gets to see the complete, raw package that is Tomoko Kuroki is Komi-something. While Tomoko has made substantial friendships with the likes of Yuri, Nemo, and Katou, Tomoko still restrains herself just a tad lest she pushes them away. It’s only with Komi that Tomoko bears her full ugliness, which I think has developed into some freakish level of respect/understanding that none of the others can claim.

Damn, even the bishounen dude gets to make an appearance. All we need know is Lethal Chef Girl to make a cameo and I’m set.

Nope. Any game is an away game when your “harem” shows up to cheer you on.

A few people have expressed discontent with how the chapter seems to end so abruptly, and it’s a fair criticism. It may be the lack of a “Next time...” tagline throwing people off, but while this chapter indeed ends at an odd point, it’s not that unprecedented. Some of the previous chapters ended this way, like that time Komi was all “Oi!” at Yoshida at the cafeteria, which indicates that this chapter is likely one of those series-of-vignettes that also doubles as a build-up chapter.

On a positive note, while the chapter does feel prematurely ended, how the next chapter plays out if it is connected to this one is sure to be a surprise.

#watamote #watamote review #chapter 141 #no matter how i look at it it's you guys' fault i'm not popular!#tomoko kuroki #kiko satozaki #ogino #itou #kotomi komiyama #akari iguchi #tomoki kuroki #that one bishounen dude #review

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sharkfish · 7 years

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Ugh, stop tempting me with all your Sterek posts! I don't have time to watch a new show! Do you think I really need to watch in order to read some fic about them? Or can I just skim wiki about the show haha

oh you absolutely do not have to watch the show and in fact i would recommend you do not. i started reading fics kind of randomly a couple weeks ago and had never seen the show – i wasn’t going to bother but it’s streaming free on amazon prime so i watched a few episodes just trying to get an idea of like… their voices and mannerisms? anyway it’s real bad. like, i talk shit on supernatural for not being a good show, but teen wolf is… in another category of not-good tv. and even the fandom seems overall pretty miserable about everything that happened past s3 or so (multiple people have told me specifically to stop watching past s3 if i make it that far) (spoiler: i won’t). watching the main character (scott mccall played by tyler posey) is real painful. i’m cringing thinking about it.

TEEN WOLF SPOILERS FOLLOW FOR ALL SEASONS PROBABLY

the main thing you’ll probably want to know about teen wolf is re: werewolf lore [link to teen wolf wiki]. even a lot of tw au fics feature werewolves, which i expected to really hate but i am actually pretty into. i’m still relatively confused about what exactly it means to be an alpha, beta, or omega werewolf in tw-land (no relation to a/b/o in an spn fandom-style omegaverse, though those exist too!!!), but as long as you realize it’s unrelated to a/b/o stuff you can generally figure out what it means in the context of whichever fic you are reading.

otherwise, here’s what you need to know: setting: beacon hills, california (fictional but probably somewhere in nocal). scott mccall got bit by a rogue alpha werewolf, turning him into a werewolf. he is not relevant, but he does accidentally fall in love with a girl (allison argent) from a family of werewolf hunters. his best friend is stiles stilinski (played by dylan o’brien, who you may know from the maze runner), the boy with a polish name so unpronounceable it isn’t even actually said in canon until later in the series (it’s Mieczyslaw, though many older fics use various difficult-for-americans polish names). stiles talks too much and is super bi. they meet derek hale, who is a hottie werewolf. (derek is played by tyler hoechlin, who is currently running around with this beard that is really upsetting to me because i am not generally into beards but i’m actually really into his beard, ugh, god dammit.) he is very broody and really just gives off some alarming edward cullen vibes in his first appearances in the show. very grumpy and mysterious and quiet and shirtless a lot. there’s a scene where he pushes stiles into a wall that is one of the gayer things i’ve ever seen since the last time dean and cas were on screen together. (seriously – there’s a similar scene between scott and stiles a couple episodes prior that is extremely non-gay, and then stiles and derek start staring at each other’s lips and fixing each other’s jackets and shit, WHOA.)

stiles is in love with lydia martin, who is a super popular pretty redheaded girl who is dating jackson. stiles’s mom died when he was younger (cancer i think but i am not sure) and his dad is the sheriff.

derek fell in love with kate argent when he was 16-18 (canon never specifies derek’s age and there is confusing info specifically in response to his age during the kate thing) (are we never told his age bc he and stiles’s antics are a little gay and stiles is only 16 at the beginning of the show? idk), not knowing she was a hunter. she used his love for her to trick him and ended up murdering his entire family (mom: talia; dad: idk his name; sisters: laura and cora [one of them may have survived the fire but died later? i am confused about this] [and then i guess cora wasn’t really dead at all?? that all happens later in canon and doesn’t come up in fics very often]) in a house fire. also i’m pretty sure derek killed this other girl he loved when he was younger (paige) – i’m not sure of the details but he’s real fucked up and guilty about it even though it is generally presented like he does not deserve that guilt.

other notable characters: erica, isaac, and boyd are members of derek’s pack. sometimes in fic isaac is in a poly thing with scott and allison which is p cool! erica and boyd are usually together. ummm there’s also a chick named kira who is a kitsune (i have no idea what that actually means in the tw verse) and might hook up with scott in later seasons. chris argent is allison’s hunter dad but some fics portray him as an ok dude. peter hale is derek’s uncle and is a creepy dick.

fics!!! k i have read a LOT of sterek fics (like.. hundreds…..) in the last couple of weeks but here are the 3 that have made it on my bookmarks list so far:

Love Runs Wild by DevilDoll derek and stiles are porn stars who do like softcore werewolf-human porn for a magazine called neckz ‘n throats. stiles shows up to a shoot with a hickey on his neck and this is Bad News cuz werewolves have this whole thing about marking (!!!) and derek is like really upset but trying to pretend it’s fine and he’s not all in love with stiles. this is probably a good intro to general ideas the tw fandom has about werewolf mating rituals. also it’s just in general A+ smutty good times.

Sell Your Body to the Night by Dira Sudis (dsudis) this one is about 16 year old sex worker stiles, hired by rich werewolf derek. so… like… warnings for all the consent implications re: being a 16 year old sex worker, and generally i stray away from underage stuff even if both characters are the same age, but this is a really beautiful sweet love story, and i can’t believe i’m describing something that is tagged with watersports as a “beautiful sweet love story,” but it really is. (i am not into watersports lmao but am glad i read this anyway. it’s one scene at the beginning of ch9 that can be skipped but tbh unless you are super squicked, i would suggest reading it bc the scene manages to come across really intense and intimate and all around great despite, you know, someone getting peed on.)

Cornerstone by Vendelin derek is a marine vet and stiles is blind. derek makes a dick out of himself and stiles kind of forcibly befriends him anyway and it’s sweet and fluffy and all-around wonderful as fuck. this was the first sterek fic i ever loved and i hope i don’t forget that feeling (i was just lamenting last night that i have zero memory of when i went from someone who was real scared of the spn fandom in general bc wincest was the only ship anyone ever talked about to dedicating 90% of my available brainpower to destiel – how did i even hear about it?? when did i start reading fics??? what kind of fics did i read??? how did i feel about them??? i have no idea!!!).

also i went through most of @bleep0bleep‘s fic rec list [link] and enjoyed the vast majority of them so i would definitely suggest checking that out for some good fics!!! (i read a bunch of bleep0bleep’s fics, too, and they are also great [link to their ao3])

keep me updated!! send me the good fic links!!!!

ps i am vaguely working on my first sterek fic. destiel is the first fandom i’ve ever completed fics for (i do have one (1) unfinished merlin fic that predates any of my spn writing, but that’s it) and the only thing i’ve written in years so it’s super weird/fun to play in another sandbox!

#robotsnchicks #sterek #sharkrecs #teen wolf #sharkprimer

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tipsycad147 · 5 years

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What's up with energy play? Six secrets of fun and consensual energy sharing

Posted by Michelle Gruben on Jan 08, 2018

Energy play is the voluntary exchange of subtle energy between two or more people. It is usually—but not always—accomplished through physical contact. Energy play is quite common within magickal groups. I personally began actively seeking out partners for energy play sometimes in my mid-20s, and have had many interesting conversations on the topic. (The best bits of which, dear reader, I am eager to share with you.)

Most people in metaphysical communities are familiar with some variety of subtle energy technique or modality. Reiki and yoga have helped to mainstream the concepts of energy exchange, chi, the chakra system, good vibes, bad vibes, etc. There’s also quite a bit of discussion about certain aspects of energy work that aren’t strictly voluntary: Psychic vampirism and psychic empathy. These concepts are related, for sure, but they’re not the same thing as fully conscious (and consensual) energy exchange.

Yet there is not a lot of discussion online or in books about what I call “recreational” energy play. Doing energy transfers because they feel good—or let’s be honest, because we’re curious or skeptical about psychic energy.

Yes, I know—there are all kinds of other good reasons to practice energy transfers. For healing, for psychic development, for spellwork, just to name a few. But I'd like to focus for a while on the least-known form of energy work—the “just because” kind. We’ll also keep it simple by talking about one-on-one energy transfers, though energy play can also be a group activity.

Isn’t anybody talking about energy play? In fact, yes. This discussion of subtle energy owes a huge debt to the online BDSM community, particularly folks involved in vampire role-playing. Their early online forums were among the first to hash out the mechanics of (usually one-sided) energy transfers in a specific way. The terminology (not to mention ethics) of BDSM play are relevant to energy users—whether you’re kinky or not.

I’ve seen energy play listed as a check box on fetish dating sites (such as FetLife). However, if you’re a Witch or occultist, the prevailing views on psychic energy among the mundane kinksters may leave you cold. Just check out this definition from the BDSM Wiki:

Energy play is a subjective emotional practice that frequently is said to have spiritual and transcendental connotations. Generally speaking the top will seek to stimulate a response from the bottom without the use of physical touch, though specific experiences may vary wildly.Energy play is frequently said to include techniques of: muscle-tension/relaxation, hormonal or sensory stimulation through touch or imagination, emotional self programming, Endorphin manipulation through SM techniques to produce a chemical high, repetition, slight of hand/confusion, hypnosis and stress techniques to create a suggestible state for the willing, and use of cold reading and interrogation techniques.Some energy players claim use of techniques that include more esoteric notions that include energy field projection, chakra manipulation and similar notions that are not scientifically verified.

Yikes. It’s clear that some of the few people who are writing about energy play think it’s all just a clever mindfuck, and that’s fine. But I don’t think that its correct to view energy play either as a merely a psychological delusion or a sexual fetish. Those of us who know, know better.

I've decided to respond to the information void by contributing a few facts and opinions about energy play from a magickal perspective:

1. You don’t have to know anything, join anything, or be anything to participate.

Energy work (and play) are fundamentally about channelling universal life force energy. That sounds rather lofty, but it’s just another way of saying this: You already have everything you need.

Everyone can give and receive energy. We’ve all been doing it since we were in the womb (or before that). The only real differences come in our ability to notice and control what we’re doing, and to articulate it in a way that other people can relate to.

Energy work is not a religion. It does not require membership, initiation, activation, equipment—or even, really, belief. Other people can teach you skills. But no one can give you access to your own energy.

2. A really skilled partner will knock your socks off.

I know what at least some of you are thinking: All of this sounds a little woo-woo to me. Where are the meters to measure this so-called energy? Where is the proof?

All I can say is, if you persist in exploring and seeking out energy experiences, you will eventually meet someone who knows what the hell they are doing. This person will blow your mind, scramble your chakras, curl your toes and leave no doubt—at least in the current moment—that what you’re experiencing is as real as can be.

Most of the time, subtle energy is quite…subtle. You mostly notice it when you’re paying attention, and sometimes, you can’t be absolutely certain it’s there at all. There are outliers, though. And they are intense, unsettling, and delightful.

3. There is an unspoken etiquette to energy play.

One of the things I’ve noticed from years of doing energy transfers with different people is that most encounters follow the same basic script. This is very interesting to me. (Especially since I know there’s not much literature on the subject.) It seems like magickal people have independently arrived at a broad consensus about how energy play should happen.

Some examples: Most energy transfers start with a sort of “energy handshake”—a light touch of the palms or wrists to sample the other person’s energy. If everything is agreeable, then the exchange can proceed from there. Energy transfers are usually centred in the hands, arms, and heart. For casual play, most will block off their lower energy centres (below the heart or solar plexus).

The unspoken rules may seem esoteric, but fortunately, it’s not that hard to learn. Energy etiquette is basic stuff centred around consent and courtesy. Don’t be a jerk, don’t have too many expectations, don’t drain or dump on people. Grounding before and afterward is good energy hygiene and good manners, too.

4. Some people like to give, some people like to receive. (Neither is bad.)

If you’re doing energy with someone for the first time, you can usually assume that the exchange will be reciprocal. You will take turns giving and receiving, or mingle both participants energy in a sort of pool or loop.

However, don’t be surprised if the person tells you, “I’m better at receiving,” or “I’d just like to send if that’s okay.” Most people do seem to be better at one or the other. It’s more fun and less frustrating to work with a complementary partner. (You can find a match purely with psychic sensation—but using words helps, too.)

Unfortunately, some energetic types inevitably get stigmatised. This is crap. If all the participants are happy with what’s going on, there’s no more or less value in being a giver or a recipient of energy. It is a wonderful service to offer energy to others as a gift. But the skilful acceptance and transmutation of excess energy is another act of service.

A little while ago I mentioned psychic vampirism. Psychic vampires are the bogeyman of the energy-aware community—people who thrive by leeching energy off others without giving anything in return. Some psychic vampirism is consensual, some is accomplished through manipulation and subterfuge. But the phrase has unfairly become a pejorative for anyone with an appetite for receiving subtle energy.

5. Energy play is not sex.

But it’s also not completely different.

This can sometimes be problematic, but it doesn’t have to be. It comes back around to communication and consent.

The flow of psychic energy can feel a lot like sexual arousal. It runs through some of the same pipes. It can lead to sexual gratification (and sexual attachment). And it is essentially the same thing as sex: The ecstatic, creative life force in motion.

However, none of that is an excuse to be creepy during regular (i.e., non-sexualised) energy play. Don’t assume that an energy partner wants to be your sex partner. Don’t direct sexual/genital energies at someone unless they have indicated that they want that. And if you get too hot and bothered during energy play, take a minute to slow the flow, ground yourself, adjust your pants—whatever needs to happen to maintain composure and courtesy.

Lots of people think “energy” is a code word for some sexual fetish. It’s why non-witchy friends and family squirm and look uncomfortable every time I talk about it. Thanks to a bunch of salacious popular tantric books and whatnot, this is probably the single biggest misconception about energy play.

Personally? Yeah, I have used energy play to audition potential sexual partners. It makes sense to do so, because I don’t like to have sex with anyone who isn’t very sensitive to energy. But I also regularly do energy with people without any sexual attraction or intentions. I tend to think of sex as a subset of energy play—not the same thing.

6. It feels amazing because it is amazing.

Human beings live and thrive on sharing. Research shows over and over that forming meaningful connections with others is the most emotionally satisfying thing we can do. To give and receive is to feel truly alive.

At its best, energy play is more intimate than sex, more profound than prayer, more pleasurable than any vice human beings have yet come up with.

People are trying to exchange energy all the time…with food, with physical contact, with money, with conversation. Energy play strips all of that away to get at the most primal transaction possible between human beings. Whether you call it chi, prana, spirit, pneuma, or something else, it doesn’t matter. What we are talking about is nothing less than sacred—star stuff, stolen fire, the very breath of the Universe. It cannot be bought as a commodity or service (and I would certainly be broke all the time if it could be).

I’ve shared just a few observations about energy play, but there’s much more to discover on this fascinating topic. Please check back for more about working and playing with subtle energy.

https://www.groveandgrotto.com/blogs/articles/whats-up-with-energy-play-six-secrets-of-fun-and-consensual-energy-sharing

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spaceorphan18 · 7 years

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HI - would you mind expanding on your point about Chris covering the whole Darren thing with Hansel and Gretel in TLOS? I'm still super behind on the series, only on book 2 but would be intrigued as to what you mean. I'm not worried about spoilers for the series, so would love to hear your thoughts. Love your episode ranking and your meta is always great so am always up to hear your thoughts and opinions on things!

Nonny #2 Well, Darren is my fave. But I also adore Lea and Jenna and Dianna tons. And Kevin. And I know some people have said some nasty things about Lea over the years, and I’d hate to see that they’re true because I’ve met her and she was incredibly sweet and generous with her time. Also, if you don’t mind me asking, what Hansel and Gretel thing? I didn’t catch that as a reference to Darren at all. (Chris is also a fave, so pls no one think I’m bashing/attacking him)

Okay. I should start by saying that I really should know better than to half-state things. I really should go all in an explain myself or just not post it.

Before I go on digging myself in a bigger hole because apparently y’all really want to hear about this, I need to clarify one not really related thing but since I’m lumping today’s controversies into one place – With the exception of Mark, who I think is a first class douche bag, I like all of the cast of Glee just fine. I don’t think they’re perfect, but I don’t think any of them are bad people, either. Most of them I don’t have strong opinions on at all. Just wanted to state that’s where I stand on that.

Okay, I may regret this later - here we go.

First of all, I’m assuming a majority of you already know the story of Hansel and Gretel. The two kids who go walking in the woods, and nearly get eaten by a witch and live to escape. Rather popular fairy tale.

Here’s a summary of the story within the Land of Stories mythos.

“Gretel explained that Hansel’s death was an accident, but a welcome one; she had pushed him without knowing they were standing on a cliff. She says she and Hansel were famous after their adventure with the witch, and Hansel enjoyed his fame too much, taking credit for killing the witch and using the story and his sister to get attention. Tired of being a part of “Hansel & Gretel”, she pleaded guilty so she could finally be “just Gretel” in prison“ -TLOS Wiki

Also, two quotes from Gretel that seem relevant.

“No one cared about me. They just cared about ‘Hansel and Gretel’. I just wanted to be Gretel, just Gretel, not no matter what I did no one would let me be just Gretel. It was like my brother had become an invisible ball and chain I was forced to carry around for the rest of my life.”

“The worst thing one person can do to another- besides eat them, of course- is to reduce their identity to being only half of something. When someone is treated as 'half of’ or 'less than half’ of one identity, they are no being treated like a human at all. Everyone should have the right to individuality.”

—

When I first read this, my first thought was, oh, I wonder if this has anything to do with Klaine.

So, let me elaborate -

1. Chris has a tendency to use his books as a way to self reflect? As therapy? As a way to work through is baggage? Look - I don’t know Chris personally, so all of this is educated guesswork, and should be taken with the grain of salt that I’m giving out. I should stress that my opinions should not at any point be taken as facts. Based on interviews, second hand accounts, and the four (brief) times I’ve met him, I find it apparent that Chris self-inserts a lot in his books. This is a thing writers often do. Struck by Lightning was an exaggeration of his high school experience. He’s often stated that Alex and Conner are versions of him. I’m sure Stranger than Fanfiction will have nods to Glee. It’s something he’s mentioned in many interviews. I should add, though, unless Chris mentions it, none of us knows for sure what is and isn’t based on real life events. None of us were there, so none of us have the authority to say what actually did or didn’t happen. It’s all speculation - which doesn’t mean much at the end of the day.

2. I should stress the the influence of real life events can be and usually are exaggerated in fiction. At the end of the day, Chris is writing stories, and whether they were influenced from real life or not, the story on the page should not be taken as what happened in real life.

3. During Glee’s run, Chris had/s been very vocal about being overwhelmed by the phenomenon that was/is Klaine. He also mentioned, several times, that he never wanted Kurt’s individual story to be lost at the alter of Klaine. Independence is an important thing to him (again, taking from context of various interviews), and he didn’t seem to be comfortable when people came at him about Klaine and nothing else.

Anyway, from the excerpt above, I got the feeling that Chris felt that sometimes Klaine was a heavy burden he didn’t always want to deal with. Which is a fair way to feel about the thing.

~So, you think Chris wants to push Darren off a cliff? No. I don’t think Hansel is Darren. (Though, if it is, it’s exaggerated greatly) I do think he might have wanted to push Klaine off a cliff from time to time, though.

~So, you think Chris hates Klaine? No, I don’t. Chris has said a lot of positive things about Klaine over the years. I don’t think he liked, however, his identity being reduced to being only the K in Klaine. And no, I don’t think he really liked being one half of a beloved power couple. (Which I don’t think has anything to do with Darren personally, Darren just happens to be the other half of the equation)

~So, what does this have to do with Stranger than Fanfiction again? As far as I can tell - this Hansel and Gretel thing is the only time anything Darren related (via Klaine) has really stood out to me in Chris’s fiction. Is Darren in other places? I don’t know - I don’t know Chris or Darren, and I don’t know what is a direct reference outside of minimal guesses and what Chris explicitly says.

I do know that Chris is careful not to bring up Darren because he very much does not like the fact that people so vocally (and sometimes harmfully) ‘ship’ he and Darren together. (Darren has mentioned on numerous occasions how much Chris hates that.) And therefore I don’t believe he’s going to bring it up in Stranger than Fanfiction. Again - I haven’t read the book, so I don’t actually know what’s in it yet. And - I could be totally wrong. It’s mild speculation, based on Chris’s trends, that I mentioned he probably wouldn’t bring up reference to Darren in the book. But really, I do not know.

—-

And as an added bonus, because these things always lead down this road and someone will probably ask eventually, the one time I’m ever going to discuss it – What do you think the nature of Chris and Darren’s friendship is?

Well - here are the facts that I know (man, I wish I had my sources ready to go like a good researcher - but I’m too tired to link):

Fact: Chris and Darren have both stated in interviews that they are friends with each other. (My opinion - Glee is a family, and Chris and Darren seem to me, to be good/decent friends, who get along with each other as any family member would with another. I don’t think they are as close with each other as they are other cast members, but they’ve both stated they definitely do not hate each other either.)

Fact: Chris and Darren have both explicitly stated that they are not now or ever have been in a relationship with each other; and both are in individual long term relationships. (My opinion - and it seems to bother the fuck outta Chris that people people ship he and Darren, so he and Darren at some point discussed how to tackle public exposure, which is why they didn’t appear together that often in public settings. How ever they are in their private lives, we are not privy to outside of things they’ve explicitly shared with us.)

Fact: Darren identifies as straight. (My opinion - the only person to who can identify your sexuality is you.)

Whatever you want to extrapolate from that, be my guest. But that’s all I’m going to say on the matter.

Please do not send me wank about this. I will not reply, and you will be automatically blocked.

Hopefully, this rounds up all inquiries well enough.

#man this took me two hours to write #I'm tired #and hopefully I'll piss less people off tomorrow #we'll see...#Anonymous

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illpage2-blog · 7 years

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Ba1b - Collaboration 1000 word report

Collaberation is working together with someone to produce something so basically all commission work is a collaboration to a degree, all magazines are a collaboration of artists editors photographers models and so on. Collaboration is made easy by technology so we can work with people all across the world.

Something can always be learned from collaboration. Sometimes when two people work together you get a contrast between their styles that works really well like Andy warhol and Jean-Michel Basquiat. Other times the work is good because the artists styles are similar.

Some advantages to working as collaboration are you can combine your skill sets or learn new skills, gain more exposure and you are able to create more work faster than you would be able to on your own. A good example of this is the Great Wall Mural in Los Angeles by Judith Baca who had the help of 400 community youth and artists. Because the mural was so big it made sense to involve more people and also give them an experience. Collaborations should always work like this where both parties have something to gain from each other.

Great Wall Mural in Los Angeles by Judith Baca

Recourses that are not available to you on your own can also become available, for example you want to design some skateboards but you can't just start a skateboard company, then you approach a skateboard company and propose a collaboration. You may learn some things and in the future may be able to make some skateboards on your own.

To me there are two different types of collaboration. Collaboration where you are facing a project and have to come up with ideas and visuals. Or what I call live collaboration when you take turns to draw and/or paint onto the same surface. Live collaboration can be exiting because you don't know what the other person will do next.

Andy warhol and Jean-Michel Basquiat did this kind of collaboration. Andy Warhol wasn't as popular at this time and was hoping that he would have a bit more success if he worked with Basquiat. Usually this is the kind of thing that works seeing as if you work with someone else in theory it can double both your fan bases and give you more exposure.

Andy Warhol would paint big corporate logos onto the canvas and then Basquiat painted over in his neo-expressionist style which is exactly the opposite to Warhols style but compliments the work well. Andy Warhol would sometimes get a bit frustrated when Basquiat painted over his work. This is kind of how live collaboration works you have to just see what happens and hope it turns out well.

Hype

Adidas uses 'adidas originals' to maintain hype around their products. Adidas originals are constant collaborations with artists, creatives and designers. This works because people like to see new artwork or two brands they like working together, the same way if you see a movie cast has two actors you like you may become more interested.

Adidas Originals x Palace skateboards

Collaborations help older brands to stay relevant and help new brands to get exposure. However when collaborating with a bigger company will usually set the terms and sometimes will try to take the rights to your design.

When a brand is just licensing artwork for a collaborative collection it is important that the ownership of the designs remain with the artist unless you are selling your work to them for a higher price. Sometimes Brands will set restrictions on product distribution, who actually sells the product. Sometimes only one of the companies actually have the product in their stores. Supreme x north face for example is only available from Supreme. When doing collaborations it is important to look over the contract to make sure all of these things are suitable for you.

Musicians always need visuals made for them from clothing to album covers and photographs. Collaborations between musical artists and fashion brands happen all the time.

North face x Supreme

Collectives

Straight white male fine artists find it hard to get exposure because no one is interested in them anymore. This is a reason to work with other people as a group. Artists have been doing this forever under the names of their movements. It is a tool to help you survive as a creative.

Anyways is a collective of creatives who work with companies on creative projects based around visual communication. They have worked with companies such as the BBC, Google and ASOS. They are part of something called the HudsonBec group which is made up of three different companies who share offices and recourses with each other. Being conjoined to these other companies must be very useful.

There was one artist in particular who stands out for working as a collaborative couple. Bob and Roberta Smith was actually just one man Patrick Brill who was having trouble getting work. He thought he would get more work if he chose the pseudonym Bob and Roberta Smith and he did. Also the fact that he did fake being a couple made him even more interesting.

So making yourself a collective is actually about how you market yourself the same way a brand has its brand image you have an image as collective. Instead of your work just being work of a white male it becomes work of a collective that has a mood or culture of its own and may become known for a house style. The same way hip hop artists do the same thing by grouping together like 'odd future'. Then they create merchandise and clothing lines together. Group events are a lot better as well because you have more to show.

So I think the best option is to be part of a collective of different types of creatives who you are good friends with and you can all help each other out. Constantly making things together like Andy Warhols Silver factory, not just artwork but music, fashion, photography and film because being around other creative people really helps workflow. Even if you are just working in the same space under the same collective name but on different projects it is good for exposure because all the music and art link into one another.

Bibliography

Anyways, About [Internet] Available from: <http://www.anyways.co/about > [Accessed May 2017]

Hypebeast

Here's What You Need to Know About Collaborations in Fashion and the Legality of It

[Internet] Available from: <http https://hypebeast.com/2016/7/legality-of-fashion-collaborations> [Accessed May 2017] Wikipedia,

Bob and Roberta Smith

[Internet] Available from: < https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_and_Roberta_Smith> [Accessed May 2017] Hypebeast,

Matt Parker: Details In Collaboration

[Internet] Available from: < https://hypebeast.com/2015/10/mark-parker-details-in-collaboration> [Accessed May 2017]

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ellenartpaige · 7 years

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On Monday 23rd- Friday 27th of January 2017 I enjoyed my time exploring Berlin the capital and largest city of Germany. I have never been to Germany before or been on educational trip abroad before so this was an exciting new experience to absorb.

The General Aesthetic:

My impression of Berlin was that the architecture of the buildings were grand, impressive and a spectacle to look at and enter. What I really like about the architecture aspect was that although consisting of strong and very large yet infrastructures, everywhere felt like it had a very open feel with breathability to it. Everything looked really well cared for and respected. Although it was also a very decorated place with splashes of spray paint splattered in gatherings sometimes in more unrefined parts like alley ways or on the side of a flat building surface next to a demolition or construction site but if there was graffiti there it was usually an impressive work that strikes as picture worthy and beautiful with a lot of colour to it.

In general Berlin was a superbly pleasant place that wasn’t very busy or hectic as one would presume of a city but I’m guessing this is all because of how spread out this very large city is which made the trip so easy and peaceful. On the weather experience I found it was easily baerable although warm clothing, gloves and scarf was however essential.

The Museums:

What I loved most about my journey was the fine quality of the variety of highly impressive museums and galleries that they had to offer. Berlin should really take pride in its vast range of galleries that made the journey so worth the time and the money.

The Finance:

Germany wasn’t too expensive either it was pretty similar in comparison to my own country however I did hear that the pints could be pricier but luckily that isn’t something I like to drink. What was really great was being able to obtain a museum pass that was only €12 with a STUDENT CARD (I must remember to bring to all my journeys). The Museum pass gained me entry to a delightful range of top museums in Berlin which made the exploration run really smoothly and worked out much cheaper than paying admission each time in every museum.

The Accommodation:

The Hostel I stayed at was called the Generator it was a pleasant Hostels with comfort, facilities and services all to a great and pleasing standard! .

The Dilemma of the Trip:

There was one thing that didn’t go so well. The compulsory and one and only mask museum called the Ethnologisches Museum (also known as the Ethnological Museum) was shut down for a relocation!!! In all honesty I was gutted, but I and everyone else laughed it off easily. Although this museum offering the most relevance to my mask Field project the other handful of museums that me and my hostel group resorted to seeking out was fantastic and thoroughly compensated for this error.

How I Researched on my trip:

I took many photos on my fast moving and active journey through Berlin’s wonders and it will be these treasured images and my memory that I can look too to influence more mask designs that I wish to create for my 3D project.

The Research in Pictures and Drawings:

These are the first few pictures. (Plane picture from the Monday travelling and the rest from the activities on the following Tuesday).

This is the Ethnological Museum that was unfortunately shut for a relocation during my visit.

An interesting theatre that I often passed.

Me excited on the plane to Germany!

After realising the problem with the shutdown Ethnological Museum. My first visit was a trip to the Berlin Wall to witness the fun graffiti art that adorned it:

I loved all the colours that flowed to one another and the fact that it was a very long strip of wall that had art piece after art piece going all the way along it, it made the long walk a fun and interesting one. I really felt the voices in these illustrations too as a direct call out to the eyes and mind of the public being in such a great location of a very long and popular path route it really pulls the eyes to its attention.

Next stop was the Bode-Museum where I captured these images of the artworks I enjoyed shown below:

The art here really had a continuous flow with each other as a collection. It was rather a graceful and gentle rhythm found in the art here as if the art wants us to listen to a soft voice or message.

On Wednesday the 25th of January I went to the Bauhaus-Archiv Berlin (also known as the Museum of Design in Berlin). I was not allowed to take pictures here but I didn’t realise till after I took a few shots and was then swiftly approached by a member of staff to give me the message. I instead went on to absorb the artwork through a deep study of reading and examining the artwork from differing angles. I also spent some time drawing the artwork too.

The Bauhaus was a fun exhibition because I could sense a quirky vibe that can be seen to grow in unusual and surprising ways from the artwork here. I felt like this collection had a more fast paced and spontaneous rhythm that bounced off and too one another like ZAP ZAP. I feel like this museum reminded me of what it feels like to get a thrilling flow of ideas coming in all at once.

After the Bauhaus that day me and my group who were a mixture of creatives from different practices in the art school a part from a few who I already knew from my illustration course took a trip to visit one of Germany’s landmarks. The landmark I visited was the Brandenburg gate which according to my research is a monument and symbol of the tumultuous history of Europe and Germany but also of European unity and peace.

I really enjoyed making new friends who I can continue to work alongside with my ongoing Field project and gaining additional variety to my artistic contacts who I can gain a lot of ideas and insights to further expand on my creative knowledge and practice.

On Thursday the 26th of January I set out with my newly acquainted friends Lucy and Lauren who are both from Fine Art who I didn’t know before going on this trip, to a TATE MODERN gallery showing leading artist in contemporary art, Artist Bhupen Khakhar’s artwork.

I liked this piece because of the use of transparency, interesting collage and layering.

This is a piece I liked because of the colour contrast that tells me straight away that Khakhar has a mindful of negativity in his sleep here.

I love the vibrant colour pallete that makes the image deceptively happy at first impression.

I was really enjoying the layering and wash work of his painting technique with this piece.

I really like that quote “You Can’t Please All”.

What struck me at first with Khakhar’s paintings in the exhibition was the incredible use of vibrant colours in his works that really caught my attention at first glance and drew me in. But once I inspected the work with a closer examination a more disturbing and unsettling aura became more louder the more I looked at it and noticeable in every one of the paintings present in the gallery.

From the paintings alone it became clear to me and the gang that this artist was a homosexual in a time and place where there was no acceptance or place for this behaviour within the society. The paintings became saddening and also slightly maddening that some would say became slightly more insane or uncomfortable with a look at the next painting across the wall. But what I only could receive from Khakhar’s personal life exposed this way was that there was a pained discomfort about himself in a community and world that could not accept him for who he truly was.

Also in his paintings it showed an also sad insight into a time in Bhupen Khakhar’s personal life when he became severely ill with cancer to which he painted himself covered in disease seen spread in painful rashes all over the body. Both in the room of the exhibition shows and internal pain and an external/physical pain with both just as sore as each other. I can see how this work really relates to my topic of Men’s Mental Health in my subject and how it also can be useful to my mask making to which I intend to carry this topic into.

I also snapped some shots whilst travelling to the exhibitions that day, some of the glorious buildings and some of the beautiful views.

Next up we decided to walk to the Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe and to take a look at the “place of information” and attached underground centre that holds the names of approximately 3 million Jewish Holocaust Victims.

According to my brochure the memorial also known as the Holocaust Memorial is designed by architect Peter Eisenman which comprises 2,711 concrete stelae and was built from 2003 to 2005. To be honest I didn’t understand the concrete blocks and didn’t feel as though they gave off any sense of being a memorial whatsoever. It was far too unclear and vague that I could only see what it actually was which was just concrete blocks. I can understand the controversy that has so heavily come about from my research. See here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memorial_to_the_Murdered_Jews_of_Europe#Public_reception_and_criticisms

It wasn’t until I had experienced the information centre below that I was certain of a most horrible time in the world’s history of the Holocaust. But still I could not link the architecture of the monument with the holocaust which was just so separated completely as being too irrelevant. The place of information underground centre was a very overwhelmingly terrible reminder that made me imagine and feel the fear of the victims and witnesses of the Holocaust. There was some rooms that I could not be in for too long as it was too much death to hear as they played out story after story of a victim one by one on an endless tape and in another there was a room where I read every note that was handwritten onto toilet papers, torn pages from a book or anything the jews could get their hands on explaining their fears, experiences and thoughts that brought me closer than ever to the victims as I recited the exact words they had processed as they wrote it down on that material. I hated so much what has happened to so many people we as a group all felt pretty awful by the end of it, hurt and teary eyed. We only hope that something like this will never happen again.

To make the most of our last full day out in Berlin we ended the day with an adventure back to the museum island area which is towards our final stop at the hostel for the night. The Museum Island is made up of 5 spectacularly large museums (shown below).

1 is the Altes Museum (Old Museum) – A collection of classical Antiquities/Eqyptian Museum. 2 is the Alte Nationalgalerie (Old National Gallery) – A collection of 19th century painting and sculpture. 3 is the Neues (New Museum) – An Eqyptian Museum for Pre and Early History. 4 is the Pergamon Museum – A collection of Classical Antiquities/ Museum of Ancient Near East/ Museum of Islamic Art. Finally 5 is the Bode Museum that I went to on the Tuesday (Sculpture Collection/Museum of Byzantine Art/ Works from the Gemaldegalerie/Numismatic Collection.

The island was beautiful and we wanted a cheer up after the sadness we felt for the experience we had at the Jew memorial site so we went on in to the Alte National Galerie.

The Alte National Galerie

This was what I enjoyed inside this fantastic Museum:

I really enjoyed this museum because it had a lovely large variety of artwork that would take me to a new experience with every brilliant piece that pulled me from one room to another. I particularly fell in love with the stunning paintings of dream like places that took me away to the new and wonderfully constructed places of outstanding beauty and I also was captivated by the paintings that had a lot of action and people involved in physical labour it made it ever more interesting with a moment so full of movement yet frozen magically in time. Like a picture taken unknowingly to the people hard at work I feel like I had travelled back in time and I was spectating from within the room or space to which they were all so concentrating working in. I just loved becoming a part of the work especially when there were paintings so huge and positioned so it almost fit the entire height of the room making it close to the ground level to which I was standing on, I could almost step into the works.

The final choice of museum that day was a visit to the Neues Museum also known as the Egyptian Museum. From word of mouth this place was apparently fantastic, my friends who had already seen said they loved it.

Here is the pictures of the artefacts that I enjoyed in the Egyptian Museum:

This Egyptian Museum experience was great I loved how much symbolism there is and I wish I could translate the encryptions or have the translations to hand so that I could work them out so I could get a little closer to this alien culture. There was a lot of modified faces and also animal heads or features used on the artefacts that I could easily pick elements from for my mask designing if I wish too. I liked entering a new world of artefacts to walk amongst it made my world feel so different and their world feel so unusual.

On the Friday we had time to explore a little more of the city and its public graffiti art in its nooks and crannies.

My Drawings:

These are observational drawings of artefacts I enjoyed at the museums and some mask ideas that came about during my time in Berlin.

Observational study from within a museum in Berlin.

Observational studies from within a museum in Berlin.

Mask ideas completed in the Generator Hostel I was staying in and some coffee shops in Berlin.

Mask idea completed in the Generator Hostel I was staying in and some coffee shops in Berlin.

Mask ideas completed in the Generator Hostel I was staying in and some coffee shops in Berlin.

For some of my mask designs I have been looking at masks that reflect happiness, pride and wisdom as I thought about the positive feelings of enjoying life and myself as a contrast to the more pained work that reveal a loss of this sight of the world that I have returned to seeing again. I can connect to both of these contrary ideas with my own experience and path that I can recall. So therefore I feel it is my duty with this time on this project that I am combining with my subject topic of men’s mental health to show both experiences and to hopefully take a mind to another direction to grow in oneself through a desire for a wonderful and rewarding change.

It was all worth research hunting and absorbing the ideas of even more creative minds first hand in a new environment and culture it really was a beautiful and enjoyable place and I felt very welcome by the friendly faced German people there. I definitely feel like I have learned a lot from going outside of my home to witness the art of further afield it has expanded my knowledge of the creativity present in the world. I want to even go further out of my comfort zone and go beyond the UK if I can for next time simply because I’ve learnt how exciting it is to get out there and find the art. It’s an adventure that has a lot of purpose to my position as an illustrator and the results really pay off and provide a lot of insight about the culture and fascinating perspective and extraordinary experiences that differ or relate to my own.

Berlin Trip – What a wonderful time! On Monday 23rd- Friday 27th of January 2017 I enjoyed my time exploring Berlin the capital and largest city of Germany.

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