#which is usually fine except it's also usually unnecessary

[wallabywannabe]

here I go again, trying to tactfully explain in an email to my vet that prophylactic antibiotics are not recommended by American Animal Hospital Association Dental Guidelines, and even if they are needed, they don't recommend THAT one.

[alien-girl-21]

The Käärijä Research Paper (tm)

aka: Error Analysis of the Use of English Articles in Jere Pöyhönen Interviews in 2023

(Before we start, a couple of clarifications: firstly, I am a linguistics student and this research was my final project for my psycholinguistics course, secondly, this was a group research and I have gotten permission from my friends to share these results with y'all so tysm to them, and lastly, the og work is LONG, 50 pages long, so I'm condensing it into the important bits)

Findings and explanations under the cut <3

Before sharing the actual research, i'm going to share some important terms for you guys to understand the overall layout of this work.

Error analysis: kind of self explanatory, it's the process of analyzing errors, specifically in one's speech, more on how we did this later.

Omission: The alienation of a linguistic form in speech (i.e. I go to (the) supermarket.).

Addition: The opposite of omission, putting an unnecessary linguistic form in a sentence (i.e. It's the maybe half and half.).

Substitution: Exchanging a linguistic form for another one (i.e. He admitted to have stolen a wallet. Instead of: He admitted to having stolen a wallet.).

Overgeneralization: Looking at a grammatical rule and thinking it applies to every case with no exceptions (i.e. finding out verbs conjugated in the past end in -ed and creating conjugations like writted instead of written). Also known as intralingual transfer.

Negative transfer: When your mother tongue (L1) seeps into your second/foreign language (L2) (in this case it's foreign language, but I'll still call it an L2 for simplicity's sake), if we're talking about Spanish negative transfer it can look like: the car red (Spanish adjectives go after the noun, unlike in English). Also known as interlingual transfer.

Local error: An error that does not affect the overall meaning of the sentence, making it still understandable.

Global error: An error that affects the overall meaning of the sentence, making it difficult to understand without clarifications.

Okay, with that out of the way, let me explain what we did:

We decided to make an error analysis on how Jere utilized articles (the, a/an) throughout 2023, for this we considered 2 interviews and 1 Instagram live, the interviews were: KÄÄRIJÄ TRIES LITHUANIAN FOOD (uploaded on 12/04/23) and Episode 3: Käärijä and friends (uploaded on 26/12/23), the ig live was the one he did to promote the release of Huhhahhei on 19/10/23, the dates are important for later.

Now, to do the error analysis in itself we followed Rod Ellis’ proposal for error analysis which follows four main steps:

Identifying errors: Self-explanatory, you see what errors one has committed.

Describing errors: Once you see the errors, you describe what exactly the error is, it can be with grammatical categories, or with omission, misinformation, addition, misordering, and substitution.

Explaining errors: After describing the error you need to explain why this error was committed, the two main ways are through overgeneralization and negative transfer.

Error evaluation: After all this, you identify how the error affected the overall message of the sentence being spoken, was it local or global?

We put these steps into a chart and listened to the interviews and identified the errors we found, it’s a really long chart, so if you want to see it fully you can find it here (hopefully). After identifying all the errors and doing our own error analysis we… well, analyzed the data, duh, according to the objectives we set up for the research.

Our first objective was to identify errors Jere has committed regarding articles in the three videos I mentioned. What we analyzed was more grammatical, so what grammatical structure he used the most. He usually omits an article before a noun and with adjectives, like in: “We go to bar with my producer…”, or “Käärijä goes to boat.”, or “I am fine, uh… little bit tired.”. Obviously, this is kind of expected because Finnish does not have articles, but he also adds articles when it is not necessary, like in: “I have the one festival.” Here are the charts of the grammatical trends:

Then we focused on the describing errors part of our analysis. In this part, we found out that he usually finds himself committing omission errors, with 67 in total across the three videos, like I said before, expected, however, the second most common error is addition, this means he adds an unnecessary article in a sentence, and what’s interesting is that he usually does it with the article “the”. Since this is not an actual academic article I will speculate with a full chest: I think he does this because people are usually taught that “the” is the only article in English (only definite one, but not the only one), and that nouns usually have an article accompanying them, so I think that he adds the when he is unsure if an article needs to go there or not. Finally, there was only one case of substitution: “This is the lovely story.”, not really sure why he did this, but it’s interesting that it only happened once. Have the charts and graphs:

We moved to the next step: explaining errors. When we started this research, we thought that we would only have negative transfers since, ya know, Finnish grammar and all, and we were kind of right? He has committed negative transfer errors the most, with 66 in total, but he also had 23 overgeneralization errors, which I didn’t really expect to happen with articles that much. Not much else to say here, have charts:

Lastly, error evaluation. He made mostly local errors, which is what mainly characterizes his speech, we know what he’s saying, he just usually lacks some grammatical form that doesn’t affect his overall meaning. He did have 15 global errors that unless you have the context, it can be a little confusing to understand what he’s trying to say (like in the ig live he said “here tour” when he wanted to say “here in the tour”). Charts!

Our final objective was to see the evolution of these errors, has he made more or less as time went on? Well, since we all can see and hear, he has made a great improvement! You already have the charts above to understand that, but I just have to explain it. In the first interview, in April, he made 50 mistakes in total, by the ig live he had cut those in half, and by the latest interview he gave in English he had cut the mistakes in half again! Have the graphs to accurately see this:

He has improved so much in such a short amount of time! Even more impressive when he hasn’t really taken any formal English classes, just by talking to Bojan and Alessandra. There’s a difference between language learning and language acquisition that was proposed by Stephen Krashen (cool dude, if you’re interested in language learning, go check him out). He says that people usually learn more by acquiring (unconscious) rather than learning (conscious), and you can see that Jere has learnt so much by acquiring English through his friends and his own experiences! And this is just looking at how he uses articles, there is also a distinctive change in how he uses other grammatical forms (but that was too much work for just 2 weeks, maybe I’ll do it later, no promises on anything, though). Even if we’re not talking about his grammatical and syntactical forms, his pronunciation has improved as well! My friends were fascinated by how his accent seemed to develop from video to video, which was very sweet because his accent is one of my favorite things about his speech, but that’s off topic.

The general takeaway from this research is: Jere still has a lot of Finnish tendencies in his English, he has developed his own grammatical structures to communicate in English, and how much he improved in an 8-month period is kind of insane, especially for an adult (who are the age group who have the most trouble learning languages). He’s the it-girl of blowing off a linguist’s mind (me, I’m the linguist)

That would be all!! If you have any other questions, feel free to ask! I'm more than glad to answer them

[snookienthusi4st]

Near nsfw hc’s when 🤑 maybe the alphabet 🤤

gotchu anon, ty for the req!!

sorry i’ve been busy w work, brat tamer saiki req i see you and i will get to you someday i promise

near nsfw alphabet

warnings: smut, language, gn reader

nsfw under the cut

a(aftercare)

aftercare isn’t foreign to him! he’ll happily take care of you afterwards, and it might give him a bit of an ego boost seeing how relaxed you are with him around

b(body part)

i feel like his favorite on himself would be his hair, just cause he twirls and plays with it a lot. if you gently pulled his hair during sex, he’d cum no questions asked

his favorite on you would be your hands or your neck, he likes kissing you there

c(cum)

not super messy with his cum and usually prefers inside you or in your mouth, doesn’t seem like he’d like unnecessary messes :b

but he’s fine with adapting depending on what makes you feel comfortable

d(dirty secret)

would love being a sub but it’s more of a fleeting thought for him

unless you wanna try it and then he’ll agree and let you take charge

e(experience)

little to no experience, but he catches on fast with how smart he is

if you’re a virgin, he’ll be touched that you trust him enough for something that vulnerable and it’ll make the whole experience more meaningful to him

f(favorite position)

if he’s a dom, having you in his lap with him deep inside you

if he’s a sub, missionary with you on top

g(goofy)

if you ever laugh during sex because something funny happened, he’ll give a small lighthearted scoff and maybe chuckle if it was funny enough

sex is a bonding experience to him so anything that makes the both of you happy is a win for him

h(hair)

he’s incredibly clean looking, and as long as it’s hygienic he does not gaf what you look like down there

i(intimacy)

he’s so sweet bro

like whoever’s in control, he’ll be so physically careful!! and if he’s on top he’ll make sure to tell you how thankful he is that you love and trust him this much

“that’s it, just like that..you’re perfect, i love you so much. keep going, i’ve got you.”

j(jackoff)

he didn’t often until you got together, and now he can’t stop thinking about you when you’re away

k(kinks)

he’d have a praise kink for sure, feeling your hands on him and your voice telling him how good he’s making you feel

plus he’s totally a switch but besides that he’s pretty vanilla

l(location)

he’s not really anywhere else except the spk building but on the case where it’s somewhere else, he’ll probably want to wait until you two are somewhere more private

m(motivation)

so mr. low libido does get sexually frustrated from time to time, in which he’ll be just a bit rougher with you in bed

but besides that, he doesn’t really get like turned on unless it’s obvious you want to do it

n(no)

no heavy bdsm, he’s too scared to actually hurt you

also no exhibitionism, he’d be wary of anyone watching you two go at it

o(oral)

would go with giving over receiving since having you below him instead of equal has never really been his preference

also there’s something so addictive about the feeling of your hands in his hair and gently tugging him where you want him

p(pace)

slow and steady, his ass is winning the race

don’t get me wrong, he’ll go faster if you ask, but he just likes getting to feel you and savoring the feeling because of how little his sex drive is yk

q(quickies)

sees the helpfulness to them, but would probably never do it unless you wanted to

u(unfair)

he normally likes pleasing you quick as he can plus he doesn’t wanna overwhelm you so it’s never intentional, but he does have a slower pace so it might seem a bit unfair

if it’s obvious you want more, he might catch on in the moment and stay the same pace with that little knowing smirk on his face

v(volume)

he’s a whimperer i can just feel it

but he���d be around the average volume, not too loud but you can still hear him fine

w(wild card)

would totally be into using toys on you like vibrators

and since he’d be in charge, he’d talk so cocky

“you’re shaking, y/n. you want me to stop? no? hold still then, let me take care of you.”

“that’s the spot? right there? that’s it, let it out, ‘m right here..”

x(x ray)

a little above average size wise, but he seems like a grower

y(yearning)

he has a low sex drive but he’ll be turned on if he knows you want it

like if you get touchier with him and communicate to him that you want to, that’ll get him hard real fast

z(zzz)

gets to sleep pretty fast, since the man can already nap like a cat, but he tries to wait for you to fall asleep first

[valtsv]

your tags about leaving school and shit, did you LIKE being an obnoxious problem child? could you have just followed the rules? or are you too edgy for that? hope you grew up.

also, sorry if you have a diagnosis or s/t that forbids you from staying in school (or if you were escaping bullies instead of just being above the rules as many loser teens are).

i was incredibly antisocial and unpleasant as a kid both because i was abused and neurodivergent and also because i became an obnoxious problem child as a result of that. and i don't think that it wasn't my responsibility to want to be a better person and do better by others (which i eventually decided to work on after a lot of self-reflection and brutal honesty), but a lot of teenagers are kind of miserable assholes (although i was unusually problematic due to having no healthy outlets for the way i was mistreated and poor role models for my behavioral development) because they're powerless and treated like shit, and then when they escape that they usually grow out of it. the problem isn't usually the kids, it's the way they're disrespected and given no explanations for why except "you're a teenager" and expected to just put up with it. and it's fine to be annoyed by kids and teens, but it's also worth trying to understand why behavioral problems are so common, and to not take out your annoyance on them for reacting in an understandable way to being trapped in an extremely shitty situation. this reaction was unnecessary i think.

[frenchfrywrites]

it keeps repeating, will you please complete me?

MINORS DNI

Warnings: top cis male reader (implied switch), bottom Leona Kingscholar, internalized homophobia, self discovery, mild angst maybe?, gay awakening, very lowkey armpit/scent kink (?), blowjobs, eating ass, safe sex (a lil? Could be safer lmao), situationship turned relationship

“You've been staring at me a lot lately,” you'd meant it playfully, flirting with him as you've been doing for months, finally working up the nerve to call him on it. It started with little glances now and then, but for the last few weeks he's hardly taken his eyes off you. You've jerked yourself off too many nights in a row thinking about his beautiful brown eyes staring you down in the locker room.

Leona only ever willingly studies if you're there with him. He's a godawful study partner, when he does cram with you. He'll do anything but study. Usually he sleeps or bitches about something unimportant, but today he's been gazing at you— nearly unblinking— for the last 5 minutes. It's distracting.

You'd meant it lightly, trying to be cute, expecting him to blush and confess, but Leona looks scared. So often he boasts about being a predator, but right now he looks like a deer caught in the headlights.

“No I haven't,” he growls, “I'm not-” he swallows, his gaze hardening, “I haven't.”

This is not the reaction you'd thought you'd get, so your brows furrow in confusion.

“Uh yes you have? It's okay,” you smile, touching his hand with your own, “I've been looking too, you know” Leona jerks his hand away.

“I'm not gay,” he insists. And that makes you pause.

“I never said you were,” you reassure, “I only said you've been looking. That's okay,” relief slowly returns to his body. He clears his throat,

“Yeah? It's not weird?” He asks, sounding so unsure it makes your heart break. You remember this, what it felt like to start looking— so to speak— for the first time.

“Not at all. You can look all you want,” you hum, smiling softly, “I'd let you touch if you wanted, too,” you admit with a hum. Leona flushes, gazing at you openly now that he has permission.

The two of you leave it at that for now. You'll bet money that whatever this is will snowball into something more, but you're content if all he wants to do is look for now. 

-

The conversation comes back up again, as you thought (hoped) it might. Leona comes to you after gym, once the locker room has been cleared out. His hair is up, which is an unnecessary detail to note, except for the fact that it makes him look all the more handsome in your eyes. It also reveals his face to you, leaving him nothing to hide behind. 

He stands there silently for a second, completely still beside you, his gaze heavy and predatory. Your bag is packed, and you go to grab it and leave, since he hasn't said or done anything, but the sound of Leona's voice stops you.

“You said it was okay to touch.” It isn't a question. Confusion lasts for a second and then you're nodding, remembering exactly what it was that you said to him.

“Sure.” You set your bag down and turn to him, offering your body to his curious eyes and hands.

“It's fine, as long as we don't kiss,” he decides, placing his hands hesitantly on your pecs. You hum, absentmindedly. Whatever it takes not to scare him away.

“Take your shirt off,” he demands, tugging at the fabric. You do as you're told, your hands trembling slightly and your cheeks hot with flush.

Leona pokes and prods, pressing a finger against your nipple, cupping your chest like they’re boobs, feeling up your biceps, then lifting your arm to inspect your pits. He steps into your personal space— so close you could kiss him, but you won't— squinting at the hair there.

Then his face is pressed oh so close to your armpit, and he's smelling you. You almost can't believe that he's doing this and claiming not to be into you, or men in general. It takes everything in you not to laugh at how this seems like a bad gay porno come to life.

“You smell so much different than the girls I've been with,” he hums, pulling away to look at you as he says it.

“I imagine,” your voice comes out deep and quiet. Leona licks his lips, his tail flicking from side to side. Before you can say anything more he busies himself elsewhere, taking notice of your cock tenting your gym shorts.

He tugs your pants open, peering inside, then hums, impressed. He looks up at you, seemingly for permission; you nod, granting it.

Tugging your waistband down, he wraps his hand around your cock. You sigh softly, leaning against the lockers, and reaching out to hold onto his arm to ground yourself. As if magnetized to you, Leona leans further into your space, so close you can feel his breath against your skin as he holds you in his hand.

“It's weird touching another guy's…” he trails off, leaving the words unfinished as he rubs his thumb over your tip.

“None of the girls…” he trails off again, “well, maybe some of them did have dicks, I dunno,” he seems to be talking to himself, but you hum as if you're listening, “sometimes they just wanted to suck me off, y'know?” Your heartbeat is pounding so hard in your ears that you can barely even hear him, but you nod anyway. You choke on your spit before stammering,

“Is that something you'd want to do?” And you know you're pushing hard against the lines of the imagined box that Leona has trapped himself in, but the look he's giving you right now emboldens you.

He holds you tight in his fist, glaring you down, thinking it through, and then he's shrugging and falling to his knees before you.

“Whatever, sure,” he scoffs, “I just want to see what all the fuss is about.” You nearly laugh at that, instead giving him a sincere smile.

“Yeah, I get it,” you reach over to dig a condom out of your bag, “I like giving head,” you add, passing it to him. Shock morphs into frustration on Leona's face so quickly, if you blinked you would've missed it. He snatches the condom from your hand.

“Whose dicks are you sucking?” and oh, ain't that cute. He's jealous.

“Nun'ya,” Leona scoffs, and opens the condom, ignoring your bait. As he rolls the condom onto your length you mumble “nun'ya business,” to yourself, despite him not falling for your bit.

“If you keep annoying me, I'll bite you,” he threatens, smirking while showing off his canines. You tug on his hair, and Leona laughs out loud.

“So…” he hesitates now that he's so close to your cock, “what do I do?”

“What do you like?” you prompt, holding his head softly, mostly to have something to do with your sweaty, shaking hands. Leona returns his attention to your dick, sizing it up, before kissing his way from your tip down to the base. His hands station themselves awkwardly on your thighs, his thumbs digging into your inner thighs, causing a tingle to run along your skin.

Leona inhales your scent, completely beside himself, then sucks your head into his mouth. He'd joked earlier about his teeth, but he's very conscious of keeping them clear of your dick as he sinks you deeper into his throat.

He's a natural, taking you deep into his throat, sucking and swallowing around you like he's been dying to get a taste of you. His eyes flutter shut and his tail sways steadily from side to side as he begins to bob his head up and down along your length.

“Fuck,” you hiss, “feels good.” Leona hums at the praise, laving his tongue along the underside of your cock. He pulls up to suckle on your tip, taking a moment to catch his breath. His hand comes to stroke the bit of you that's not occupying his mouth.

You're unable to hold back soft moans and whimpers as he sucks you off, and they echo along the locker room walls. Thank god you're the only two in here.

Leona's quick to get you back down his throat, choking a bit along the way, but quickly recovering. If you weren't so focused on him you might've missed it, but you catch the soft purring coming from him. You rub the spot behind his ears, far too affectionate for what he's doing and how he came about doing it, but Leona leans into your touch, moaning along your length.

“Shit, I'm not gonna last much— hah — longer,” you confess. Leona hums in acknowledgement, bringing one hand to fondle your balls. “Leona,” you gasp, warning him as a shudder courses its way through your body, and then you curl forward, caging him in and holding his head flush against your cock while you fill the condom.

It's only when your body feels limp and sluggish with post-orgasmic haze that you release him and lean back against the lockers.

Leona coughs once your soft cock leaves his mouth, peeling off the condom, tying it off, before tossing it into the nearest trash can. You reach a hand out to help him up, and Leona takes it, shakily rising to his feet. He's hard, his cheeks flushed as he wipes drool from his chin. Pride is radiating from him as he gives you a smug grin.

“Yeah,” he coughs again, his voice thoroughly fucked, “I get why girls wanna do that.” Again, Leona doesn’t give you the chance to get a word in edgewise before he's turned around, and is swiftly making his way out of the locker room. “Thanks,” he calls just before the door can close behind him.

You stare at the door for a solid minute before tucking yourself back into your pants and sighing so loudly it echoes against the walls. You're so fucked for indulging in whatever the hell you've got going on with him. But if it leads to him blowing you more, you really can't complain.

-

“You said you suck dick?” Leona's question comes so suddenly out of nowhere, and he says it so nonchalantly that for a moment you honestly believe you've misheard him. The two of you are in the middle of a chess game in Leona's room, having not spoken about him sucking on your dick since it happened a couple of days ago. If it weren't for the evidence of your missing condom, you might've written it off as a particularly good and realistic wet dream.

“Yeah,” you move your rook, capturing his knight. Leona growls at your success, and goes quiet as he thinks. Naively, you assume that's the end of it.

“You'd suck mine?” he asks, finally moving his bishop near one of your pawns. It takes everything inside of you not to rush out a “yes,” showing him just how desperate you are. You pretend to think about it for a moment.

“Yeah,” you push your chair away from the table, “right now?” Leona shrugs,

“If you want to.” He sounds like he's doing you a favor, but his tail wagging excitedly and the excited grin on his face gives him away. He pushes his chair back and you get yourself between his legs.

Gently, you undo his pants, and pull his cock out. You drool, finally getting a good look at him. All you've had up until this point are crumbs, glances when he's changing before gym, and the tent you caught when he'd walked away with a hard on after sucking you off.

“Nice,” you hum, to quell any insecurity he may be having. Leona grins, his chest puffing up with pride. You stroke him to full hardness easily (a little too easily. You seriously wonder how long he's going to claim he's not into men).

“You got a condom?” you ask. Leona bristles,

“Shit—”

“When's the last time you had sex?” you ask, despite part of you not wanting to know the answer. He avoids eye contact,

“Been a couple'a months,” he huffs. You continue stroking him,

“You've gotten tested?” He nods,

“Yeah, 'm good,” you grin up at him,

“Me too,” you state before taking him into your mouth. Leona swears, his hands flying to your head. Hid dick may be impressive, but you're a good cocksucker, and take him down your throat with ease.

“Oh fuck,” he groans, staring down at you with wide eyes as you start sucking him off properly. Your hands roam, massaging his hairy thighs, rubbing circles into his flesh as you drool and swallow along his length. Even if you weren't harboring a dangerous crush on him, you think you'd worship Leona's cock all the same; his dick fits so nicely in your mouth, and his reactions have you hard and leaking in your pants, it'd only make sense to give him your best.

He's moaning your name, his voice cracking and pleading, leaking pre into your mouth, his hips jerking involuntarily, his hands tight on your head, purring up a storm. Selfishly, you want him changed from your blowjob. You don't want him looking at girls any more, you want him addicted to your mouth. You want to do something special for him.

You pull off his cock suddenly, and Leona whines openly, a “please,” nearly falling from his lips. He swallows his words when you rub his tip against your lips, stroking him, then kissing his groin. Your other hand, the one not stroking his cock, presses lightly against his rim.

Leona twitches, looking down at you with wide eyes. He looks fucked dumb just from having your mouth on him. Sweat drenched hair clings to his forehead, his mouth is open and panting, his chest heaving.

“Anyone ever put their mouth here?” you purr. Leona shakes his head dumbly. “Want me to?” He audibly gulps before nodding.

With his permission, you nestle yourself under his dick, and lick his hole.

“Fuck” he gasps, pre leaks like a faucet from his tip as you lick and massage his rim. You get him wet with saliva and drool. It'd be better with lube, and you'll apologize for the dull ache that will come later, but you're able to slip in a finger. At first, Leona tenses at the intrusion, and then as you lick and wiggle your finger he relaxes and opens up for you. He melts into the chair, his cock twitching as you continue to stroke him off.

He's close, and you'd rather not get cum in your hair or on your face, so you keep fingering him as your mouth returns to his cock. You take him down your throat, and curl your finger towards his prostate.

“Fuck— fuck, oh god, cumming, gonna cum, ah,” his orgasm must've sneaked up on him, because that's all the warning you get before he's filling your mouth. He flutters around your finger, his hips weakly thrusting his cock further down your throat as he rides out his orgasm. You steal a glance up at him as you swallow his cum, and you know you're going to be committing his face to memory, and jacking off thinking about it later.

“Off,” he murmurs softly once he goes soft in your mouth. You let his cock out of your mouth slowly, gently pulling your finger from his ass.

“Good?” you check, doing him the favor of pulling his pants up. Leona wipes the sweat from his brow, nodding.

“Yeah, you were alright,” he states. You laugh (because you know damn well that was better than “alright”) getting to your feet. Leona immediately looks at your hard cock tenting your pants. You almost expect him to ask to return the favor, but he pulls his gaze away from you, and back to the chessboard.

“Your turn,” he mumbles.

With a smile, you sit back down in your chair, and think about everything and anything that'd make your erection go away.

-

It only takes a day for Leona to knock on your door. He looks slightly awkward, a little embarrassed, but not ashamed.

“Can I come in?” he asks. You step back to let him in. He's quiet for a good second, avoiding eye contact.

“I can't stop thinking about it,” he finally states.

“It” of course being your finger in his ass.

“Neither could I, when I first tried anal,” you admit, plopping yourself down on a chair in the living room. Leona follows you, sitting stiffly on a chair close to yours. His typical lazy attitude is all gone right now, and honestly it's a little unsettling.

“You've tried it?” He asks.

You give him a look, one that says “are you kidding?” without you ever having to say the words. Leona huffs, knowing the question was a dumb one.

“How 'm I supposed to know you bottom,” he mumbles to himself, then turns to you, trying (and failing) to look smug and confident, “can I fuck you?” His lack of tact makes you crinkle your nose with ire.

“No,” you pause for a moment, considering it, imagining it. Your cock twitches with interest. “Not yet at least. You've done enough of sticking your dick in holes,” and now Leona's looking more comfortable. He looks hungry, staring you down. You try not to think too hard about how that’s all this all started.

“Anyways,” you rest your head on your hand, looking him down, “aren't you here to get fucked?” He chokes on his spit,

“No,” he snaps, then swallows and looks away, “I mean, I don't know, maybe?” and then he's looking at you all hopeful. He's so cute it makes you want to scream.

“C'mere,” you pat your lap, testing him. Leona does as he's told, straddling you, clearly very unsure of himself. You can't have that.

You let one hand hold his thigh gently, as one goes to touch the spot behind his ear, the place you petted when he sucked you off and purred. That seems to calm him down a bit, and he looks at you expectantly.

“Listen, if you want this, that's alright, but you gotta stop pretending you're something you're not,” Leona bites his lip, “I don't want you acting like you don't want this.” He nods, understanding. He swallows heavily,

“I don't know what I am,” he confesses quietly, barely above a whisper, “I don't know, I just know I—” he nearly looks like he's going to bolt. “I just like you, and I like how you make me feel. I want this,” with a shaky breath he continues, “I want you to fuck me.” You give him a reassuring smile,

“That's all I needed to hear, sweetheart,” Leona visibly relaxes at the pet name, “you don't have to know what you are, or whatever, I just needed to hear you be honest with yourself,”

“Fuckin' corny,” he huffs, but he's smiling down at you, more relaxed than you've seen him in weeks. You think he needed to be honest with himself more than you needed to hear it. You squeeze his thigh and ignore his comment,

“I like you too, and I want to kiss you,” you add. Leona nods, leaning down to capture your lips. It's sweet, and you're grateful you're able to do this before you fuck him stupid.

He takes the lead, deepening the kiss by licking against your lips. You tug on his hair, pressing your tongue into his mouth, licking inside until the two of you are panting. When you pull back to get a good look at him, a string of saliva connects your mouths. Leona's pupils are blown wide, and his hands hold onto the front of your shirt.

“I couldn't stop thinking about your mouth,” he whispers, whimpering when your hand comes down from his head to cup his face. He leans into your touch, opening his mouth when you press your finger against his bottom lip.

It's astounding how much more eager and pliant he is now that he's open with how he feels. He wants you bad, and it's obvious.

“Tell me more,” you prompt, caressing his face as your other hand presses against the tent in the front of his pants.

“As soon as you left, I had to jerk off again. I—” he hiccups a moan, grinding into your touch, “I tried to put my fingers inside again, but it didn't feel the same. It was good, but not enough,” his claws dig into the fabric of your shirt.

“Cute,” you murmur, and Leona's eyes widen. You wonder if any of the girls he's slept with ever dared to call him cute before. “I wanna take my time with you,” Leona whines at this, shaking his head in protest, “hey,” you squeeze his cock roughly, and he keens, “I said I want to take my time with you, but I guess I'll go slow next time, because you're aching for it, huh darling?” you coo, teasing him. Leona nods all the same, letting out a purr at the promise of a next time.

“You've waited so long already, haven't you?” you murmur, tugging on the hem of his shirt. Leona practically tears it off for you. The hand that was on his face moves to play with one of his nipples as you kiss him again.

“Fuck me,” he demands, against your lips, “fuckin' please,” he adds, halfheartedly.

“Get undressed for me,” you help him off your lap, smirking at how he takes a moment to find the strength to stand, and leave him— with a kiss before you go of course— to grab condoms and lube. Before you know it, you're naked on the chair, with Leona in your lap, holding onto your shoulders, slightly digging his nails into your skin.

“Alright baby, lift your hips a bit,” you instruct, so you can slip your now lubed fingers between his cheeks. Leona does as he's told, sighing when you press your fingers against his hole.

“Gotta relax,” you remind him, moving his hair to the side so you can kiss at the place where his shoulder and neck meet. Leona wraps his arms further around your neck and slumps his weight against you, his cock hard and leaking against your abdomen.

“Yes,” he gasps as one finger slips past his tight ring of muscle and inside of him. “Yeah,” he moans, as it sinks deeper into him. You rub and press against his insides, and it's not long before you can slip in another finger.

“Ungh,’ he chokes when you scissor and fuck your fingers deeper into him, curling into his prostate, “yeah, yeah, more, fuck,” he babbles, grinding himself against your hand. His tail flicks from side to side, and he nuzzles into your skin, letting his canines graze your flesh as you stretch him open for your cock.

“Fuck me, I want it, I need it, please,” he whines once you get a third finger inside of him.

“Just a little longer,” you promise, feeling him rut and leak against your stomach. Leona growls, his patience running thin. You keep your word, and after a minute or so you slowly slip your fingers from him.

Leona sits back on your lap, quickly tearing open a condom and sliding it over your cock. He messily slathers lube along your shaft and then hoists himself up. With your help, your cock slides between his ass, and the tip presses against his hole.

“Let me know if it hurts,” you state, kissing his cheek gently. Leona purrs, lowering himself onto your cock. He cries out when the tip of your cock pops into him, and slides down fairly quickly onto your dick. He takes it like a champ, gasping and moaning like a bitch in heat as you fill him up.

“Oh my god,” he whispers once he's fully seated in your lap. You bite your lip, using every inch of energy to not thrust your hips up and fuck him. You let him adjust to the sensation.

Leona clings to you, panting, eyes wide. “Oh my god,” he whines again, “there's so much— it feels so— hah,” he buries his face into your shoulder, moaning your name, “move, please, fuck me,” he begs softly.

“Leona,” you moan, holding his hips gently and bucking your hips into him. Leona goes limp on top of you, which you expected. Part of you wishes you'd moved this to the bedroom, that you had him in missionary, or even doggy style instead, because fucking him like this is a lot of work. Luckily, you don’t think either of you will last long. 

“You’re doing so well for me,” you pant, squeezing and massaging his hips, “taking me so good, like you’re made for takin’ my dick, baby,” Leona flutters around you, keening at that. He’s purring and moaning and drooling on your shoulder, taking all you give him. 

It doesn’t take long at all for Leona. You wonder if he’ll be embarrassed about it later, but he cums within minutes, without warning, spilling all over your stomach with a weak moan of your name. You fuck him through it, and then still when he shivers. He moans, then whines, then finally groans, 

“Don’t you dare fuckin’ take your cock out of me.” Your hips twitch at his words, and lust pools within your loins. You don’t know how long you sit like that, with Leona warming your cock, catching his breath. 

“Keep fucking me,” it’s supposed to come off like a demand, but it sounds more like a plea. You obey, slowly fucking him, getting closer and closer to finishing. “Cum, inside of me, fuck me ‘til–” he chokes as your head brushes against his prostate, “until you’ve cum, fuck me,” he moans. 

“Gonna-ah cum,” you murmur, as you fuck him faster with each thrust, chasing your orgasm. Leona whimpers, 

“Please,” and it sends you over, lodging yourself deep inside of him and fucking your cum into the condom. 

“Good?” you ask once your hips still and you find your voice again. Leona nods, 

“Yeah, I guess,” he finally dislodges himself from your shoulder, leaning back and smiling at you, “I don’t know though. Maybe you should fuck me again so I can see if I really like it or not,” he flips his hair over his shoulder, and you’re half surprised he doesn’t wink to really sell the act he’s putting on. 

“You’re lucky I like you,” you huff, slapping his thigh gently. Leona laughs, his nose scrunching up cutely. “Let me clean you up, and then I’ll fuck you so hard you’ll forget your name.” 

Leona stops laughing at that, and instead licks his lips. “I’ll hold you to it,” he says gruffly, sealing the promise by leaning in and kissing you.

[bethanydelleman]

I have a very specific question and I hope you know the answer (or where to look 😅): If I remember correctly when Fanny originally was sent to Mansfield she was first accompanied by a servant and joined by Mrs. Norris on the last part. Was this the normal, proper way for children to travel or would a parent / guardian come and pick them up instead of sending a servant?

Let's say it's the beloved child of Lord and Lady X, they're 8 years old and have a long journey ahead of them to go home. Would loving Lady X travel to her child and bring them back herself or was that seen as overbearing and unnecessary when you have trusted servant Y who will keep the child safe and spare you the hassle?

Thank you so much for your work it's always so insightful!

Thank you!

First a caveat, that was the way that Mrs. Norris proposed that Fanny should travel, but it is not what actually happened:

"...I will engage to get the child to Mansfield; you shall have no trouble about it. My own trouble, you know, I never regard. I will send Nanny to London on purpose, and she may have a bed at her cousin the saddler’s, and the child be appointed to meet her there. They may easily get her from Portsmouth to town by the coach, under the care of any creditable person that may chance to be going. I dare say there is always some reputable tradesman’s wife or other going up.” Except to the attack on Nanny’s cousin, Sir Thomas no longer made any objection, and a more respectable, though less economical rendezvous being accordingly substituted

Mrs. Norris's plan is to send Fanny with a stranger from Portsmouth to London and then with her housekeeper. Sir Thomas clearly did not think this was sufficient. Given what he does for Fanny later, I assume he sent a male servant to fetch her, but we aren't told.

Now as for children traveling, I believe they did often go without their parents. Many children in Austen's and other novels go to boarding school and it doesn't seem like their parents accompany them. However, they would almost certainly send a trusted servant with them. In Wives & Daughters by Elizabeth Gaskell, Hyacinth sends her daughter Cynthia, who is a teenager, to France to boarding school completely alone and is criticized for it. She does arrange for Cynthia to stay with family along the way.

If we look at how dependent women travel, which I believe would be similar to children, a male servant is sent most of the time (Elizabeth & Jane's journey to London for example). Fanny is sent with a male relative, William and then Edmund. It is implied that it would be fine for Fanny to travel with Henry Crawford, a gentleman friend of the family. Georgiana Darcy is with her companion Mrs. Younge and at least one (maybe two) male servants. The Dashwood sisters travel with Mrs. Jennings, who would count as a chaperone, she likely has servants with them as well.

The less well-off Miss Steeles travel with a reputable gentleman but not a servant because they can't afford one. Catherine Morland's shocking journey home was shocking because she was unaccompanied (female and only 17). Jane Eyre was sent alone with just the coachman (she was 10) and the school found that odd, so usually a child would be accompanied by someone. Frederica is picked up from school by her uncle in Lady Susan, though that was also because he had to consult with the schoolmistress.

As for real humans, I have read that Jane Austen herself always traveled with one of her brothers, even when she was a confirmed spinster.

So I think it's fairly likely that Lady X could send her beloved child to travel with a trusted servant or three or a relative. I don't think it would be crazy for her to go herself, since Edmund travels all the way to Portsmouth to fetch Fanny, but it would probably depend on the length of the journey and the social commitments of the parents.

[vavoomed-for-crowley]

Crowley Cosplay Test

Finally, I was able to test my Crowley Cosplay. I am still working on the wings but the rest of the costume is finished. I am very happy with the result and want to share it with you, as long as the journey to the end result. I went for S2 turtleneck Crowley.

Feel free to leave some feedback but pls remember to be kind!

and because I am scared the wig won't last long, I also ordered another wig to Cosplay manbun Crowley as well.

Read for more for the full journey of the costume

Because honestly, there went so much wrong with the Cosplay, I was ready to give up a couple of times.

1) the wig

I ordered a red wig but it was too bright. Usually, there are two common ways to dye a wig but they wouldn't work for me. So I ordered colored hairspray but they delivered the wrong color. I didn't get a refund so I didn't dare to order again. And I couldn't get the same color hairspray at the shops. So instead, I got face paint and hand-dyed the wig layer by layer. It took me around two hours.

I styled and fixed the color as usual by Got2Be hairclue.

2) The easy parts

I had the black turtleneck and the pants at home. My pair of pants broke two weeks ago but it's easy getting another pair of black pants. The new pair are much tighter but since Crowley always wears very tight pants, I am fine with it.

I got the scarf from Etsy. The shoes are second hand. The belt can't be seen but it had a gold snake as a belt buckle, which I painted black and kept the eyes gold as a reference to Crowley's eyes.

3) The vest

Usually, I can trust Amazon with the size charts. It always fits. Well, except this time. Crowley wears a black leather west with a very deep V-neckline. I had to choose if I get a black leather vest or a vest with a similar deep neckline. I chose the second option. But when the vest arrived, I am telling you, David Tennant himself wouldn't have fit in it. It was HUGE. I could've worn it as a dress. And I can sew. But this was so complicated that a friend had to help me out. We had to reschedule our meeting three times and spent an entire day on that thing.

4) The coat

The collar of Crowley's coat is very special and most coats with such a collar are very expensive! I spent about 4 hours of research to find a perfect coat that I could afford. But by the time I could order it (like a month later), it was sold out and I spent another 2 (!) hours looking for an alternative. It was a bit too big but my friend helped me to sew it as well.

5) The glasses

I got these pretty cheap from AliExpress. It was easy to remove the unnecessary temple stem at the top of the glasses. This was, next to the scarf, the easiest part to do.

Yeah. Well, that's it for the outfit. I will do an extra post for the wings sometime later.

[adobe-outdesign]

thoughts on the loyal three or Ogrepon and her mask forms/tera forms?

I already did the Loyal Three Ogerpon's mask form here, but as for the other Ogerpon masks/face reveal:

Ogerpon has a pretty cute face, which is about what I expected. I don't know if anyone was surprised by this, but I kind of automatically assumed that a Pokemon wearing a big "scary" mask would obviously turn out to be a cute little thing that has never done anything wrong in its life.

Between it having the mask or having if off, I like the "on" design more—'mons that try to be overly cutesy usually don't appeal to me much personally, and this one's no exception. That said, I can certainly see the appeal for those who really like that kind of aesthetic. The Ogerpon in the DLC having a sympathetic backstory also never hurts as well.

As for the design itself, it takes after the peach from the momotaro legend (to hint that it's the hero and not the oni villain), with a orange face, a stem, a black area that kind of resembles a pit, and leaves. That's a fun design inspiration, and the black adds some contrast while the face pops out with the orange coloration. I also like the feet a lot, which manage to look like they're wearing sandals despite just having two leaves and nothing else.

My only issues with it are that I dislike the random markings on the torso—they don't go with anything else in the design and add nothing to it. The black dots on the face are also pretty unnecessary and clutter the design, though at least those aren't as noticeable. Otherwise, it's a fine design.

As for the other masks: the original is the best in my opinion, but the cornerstone is the next runner up; the dark grays accent the blacks already in the body, so while it's a bit weird to have gray leaves, it at least looks fairly coherent (though I do dislike the random neon blue tusks(?) on the mask). The hearthflame tries to something similar with the orange color, but that distracts away from Ogerpon's face too much (also, again with the random blue).

The wellspring mask is probably my least favorite. The blue isn't a color already in the palette so it looks less natural than the other three forms, and the mask (supposedly based off the legend of Tatsuko) isn't as oni-like or frightening as the others, which means it looses the contrast between said mask and its real face, which is a shame. The crystaline tears are a cool idea, at least.

(Ogerpon technically has some tera forms for its masks as well, but I'm not going over them because they're basically just the original masks but with horns and some extraneous elements around the outside. They're fine but they feel pretty unnecessary given the lack of any meaningful changes.)

Tl;dr: Ogerpon's cute. Don't think you needed me to tell you that one. The various other masks are varying levels of decent, with the wellspring being the worst of the bunch. Overall, an interesting concept and a fairly good 'mon all around.

[curops]

I loved your m4 headcanons, what about Butters Tweek and Craig when sick?

I love sharing my thoughts let's go

Butters

Very hesitant to get help

Stems from negative childhood experiences when sick (I have a hunch that Stephen and Linda weren't the most empathetic parents)

Tries to suppress illness for as long as possible

This means ignoring symptoms, pretending his nose isn't running, swallowing coughs, stifling sneezes, standing when dizzy-- anything to be healthy

This endeavor tends to be fruitless, his skin shows fever well and being sick scatters his thoughts

If asked directly how he's feeling he'll stammer out an incriminating and poorly thought out excuse that does nothing except assert his illness

Another giveaway of him feeling unwell is self isolation

To avoid the guilt of contagion and possibility of getting caught, he'll stand slightly further away from others in conversation or avoid groups altogether

Avoiding groups also keeps his on-edge body from getting overwhelmed by all the activity-- which illness makes him more susceptible to

Slightly above average immune system

Tweek

Hates being sick

Incredibly stressful experience for him all around

It makes him feel out of control and increases his paranoia

Very in tune with his body-- checks his own temperature three times a day and overthinks any possible symtom

Even if he sneezes in a hay field he'll become convinced it's something that will kill him in 10 days

Doesn't hide being sick from his friends, he'll rant about his symptoms and what they might mean and if he should get medical attention and how soon

Usually, it's never really that serious.

There's a slight increase in clinginess when he's sick

A slight lean toward whoever he's standing by for some airborne passing of support

He fidgets more when sick as well, hair twirling/tugging, cheek biting, cuticle picking; stuff that keeps his body occupied while his mind races for a diagnosis

Hates medicine but has a nasty habit of taking too much in desperation

Piss poor immune system from the coffee

Craig

Honestly can't care less when he's sick

Doesn't even notice it sometimes, he'll wake up and go about his day as if it were any other until someone points out how pale and sweaty he is or his body gives out

At which point he'll just do what has to be done to get better without much kicking and screaming

Measured doses of medicine, bed rest, sometimes he'll find it boring and unnecessary to stay home but he doesn't go out of his way to pretend to be healthy

Doesn't have the best perception of his own sickness, can't tell the difference between allergies and a flu. Anything to do with sickness kinda just jumbles together in a bundle of unpleasantness in his mind

Which makes diagnosing a real chore

"What hurts?" "Here, I guess." "How much? What kind? Squeezing, pinching, pressing-?" "I dunno it just feels weird I guess."

Usually he's fine though

Above average immune system

Rarely gets sick and even more rare is it a serious ailment

Though if it was, it'd fly under the radar for a long while

[philologique]

perpetually fascinated by how the thai series i've watched tend to translate vulgar intensifiers,¹ and specifically thinking about โคตร,² which i'm just gonna write as "kho:t" for the rest of this post (pronounced with an aspirated k or the 'ch' in 'loch' and an unreleased t at the end; the colon just makes the o long)

heads up that i don't actually speak thai and i'm not any kind of translator! just an english speaker with a pretty good ear who spends approximately two-thirds of all waking hours thinking about language. footnotes and stream of consciousness thoughts on ongoing phonological change(!!) in footnotes under the cut.

anyway! kho:t literally means ancestry, clan, descent, or lineage,⁷ but is used an intensifier that wiktionary describes as "slang, sometimes considered vulgar." ⁸

i think about thai intensifiers—and specifically kho:t—all the time in the context of episode 5 of bad buddy. pat's "it was so depressingly lonely for me" is the last pin you can hear drop before the dam breaks, but what he says is แม่งโคตรเหงาเลยเว่ย, (maeng kho:t ngao loey woey). which is a bit rawer? cruder? three of those five words (แม่ง,โคตร,เว่ย) are sometimes are translated as "damn," including just a few sentences earlier when pat says "while you were away, my life was so damn happy."

when i first watched bad buddy i didn't know a single sentence in thai, and i have no idea how any other choice might have hit me in that moment. but at least twice a week i wonder whether and how that translation choice might have affected the english-language bad buddy fandom. damn, it was so lonely. so damn lonely. so freaking lonely. so desperately lonely. so depressingly lonely.

of course, it was all of those things.

¹ Shout out to Methawee Yuttapongtada for their article, "Intensifier as Changed from the Impolite Word in Thai," without which it would have taken last-year-me months longer to tell what pat was saying. i was playing the audio of this scene on a loop in my brain and assumed that the velar fricative was a /kʰ/, but there are so many spelling options for word initial /kʰ/ and word final /t/ that i gave up experimenting with spellings and looked for english-language linguistic literature on thai intensifiers.

² Theoretically pronounced /kʰôːt/ but often (usually?) realized by young speakers in contemporary thai as [xôːt] or [χôːt], which is a whole other thing (that is vastly more interesting to me personally).³ ⁴ i feel like (at least gen z) speakers use a velar or uvular fricative in more or less free variation with an aspirated k, but i haven't come across any literature on it other than in descriptive studies of northern thai.⁴ ⁵ Either way kʰôːt rhymes with the "tô:t" in the thai word for sorry, which you'll probably recognize if you've watched anything in thai!

³ I know this is rough IPA lol. the unreleased diacritic looked weird on tumblr and struck me as unnecessary for phonemic transcription given that all word-final stops are unreleased. also i'm fine with just using the most commonly used latin-script tone diacritics for standard central thai. to me IPA's value is in precision and facilitating common understanding; i don't feel like any of that's lost by not using IPA tones here.

⁴ PHONETICS THOUGHTS re /kʰ/

I kinda think [kʰ], [x], and [χ] are in more or less free variation phonologically among most speakers today in all environments except before close/high front vowels—คิด is pretty much always [kʰit], and from watching a bunch of cooking shows 'salty' (เค็ม) seems to be not-quite-invariably pronounced with a [kʰ].

...but then i think boom used a fricative (possibly [ç]) when saying คิดอะไร at one point in last weekend's hidden agenda?? and 'okay' (โอเค) seems to have a fricative at least half the time i hear it. i would hazard a guess that if you did several hours of (ideally) informal linguistic interviews with central thai speakers of different ages: (1) everyone would have some velar or uvular fricatives, (2) the fricative /kʰ/ would be more common among younger speakers (vs older speakers) in all (syllable-initial) phonetic environments, (3) individual speakers would be most likely to pronounce /kʰ/ as a fricative before more open/low and back vowels and in true consonant clusters, (4) individual speakers would be least likely to pronounce /kʰ/ as a fricative before closer/higher front vowels, particularly /i/, and (5) speakers would be more likely to pronounce /kʰ/ as [kʰ] when they're paying attention to their speech, e.g. reading off a list of words in isolation—which takes us to:

SOCIOLINGUISTICS-ish THOUGHTS re /kʰ/:

I know i just talked about the phonological constraints and possible ongoing sound change for the phoneme /kʰ/ but i think it's super NOT free variation in practice, even before a vowel like /a/. this is just based on observation from contemporary dramas/cooking shows/interviews/songs (which is another thing i have Thoughts about), but i feel like at the moment it's largely a register thing that maps imperfectly onto levels of formality (and also friendliness? one hyper-specific almost-baseless hypothesis i'd like to test is that you'll hear more fricative /kʰ/ in constructions with the particle 'na' (นะ)). i would also guess that if there are any attitudinal studies on the pronunciation, they would reveal that most speakers view an aspirated stop as the "proper" way to pronounce syllable-initial /kʰ/.

i would love to look at whether /kʰ/ is realized as a fricative more or less often in constructions with certain particles, as an easy proxy for certain kinds of register. (i would also want to look at this with different first- and second-person pronouns, although so many of them are roughly gendered or would correspond to the relative age of the speaker and listener that it would almost certainly skew the results and might just tell us more about the demographics that are leading this phonological change! which is also useful!) ANYWAY if i win the lottery maybe i'll go back to linguistics for real bc i miss it desperately and want an excuse to study this 😭

re attitudinal research, I would really want to poll and have linguistic interviews with thai speakers of central thai as well as bilingual speakers of central thai and northern thai, isan/lao, and other tai and non-tai minority languages in thailand. i'm interested in questions about possible interference from those languages vs the extent to which speakers might emphasize differences between their respective minority languages and central thai (even where they may not exist) for the sake of maintaining regional/cultural identity through language (or something?? this is really poorly articulated but as an example i'm thinking about how my dialect of swiss german uses the same construction as standard german for the verb "to hurt" (Weh tun/Weh tue), but swiss german speakers think of "Weh tue" as a uniquely alemannic construction and instead use the word "schmerzen" when speaking/writing swiss standard german, effectively inventing a "german" construction that the local language can be in opposition to. see also fn 5 and 6 on northern thai below.)

⁵ Those studies note (if i recall correctly, this is off the top of my head lmao) that kʰr- consonant clusters in northern thai effectively drop the r and realize the k as a fricative.⁶ which. i'm not convinced this is uniquely part of northern thai so much as a productive phenomenon across central and northern thai that's just highly register-dependent in the standard language. (i would argue that at least the dropping of 'r's and 'l's from consonant clusters absolutely is just part of central thai phonology at this point. if being able to pronounce a consonant cluster—or a rolled r, for that matter—is a sign of ~good education or ~elocution rather than something that any subset of speakers learns as part of the spoken language when acquiring the language as children (which is possible, i just have not observed it), then—apart from the extent to which it conveys social meaning—i don't really think of it as a fundamental part of the language itself. this is maybe kind of a hot take lmao)

⁶ There was also a clip i watched—i think it was from the 1000 stars bts of khaotung trying to speak northern thai—where someone basically articulated that same rule to him, like "for ครบ just say /xop/"

⁷ From sanskrit, hence the silent r in the thai script.

⁸ I don't know nearly enough abt thai language or culture to meaningfully analyze the implications of that etymology or how โคตร might best be translated with minimal context. i'm guessing "damn" might be at about the right level of intensity/vulgarity as an intensifier, but it carries such explicit religious implications that i'm hesitant to use it?? i'm happy to let the translators and subtitlers make the difficult decisions while i just ponder stuff about sound change

[strxnged]

CHILUMI: # a chasmic mistake.

CHAPTER II: establishment.

chapter summary. in which neither childe nor lumine are willing to admit that they care. in which they may break some bones.

wc. 5.1k. genre. enemies to lovers, action/adventure.

table of contents / next chapter

“It’s not like I usually care how others see me. In fact, unless it affects my plans in any way, I simply do not think about it.” Childe’s voice was cheery, matter-of-fact.

“That explains a lot.” Lumine rolled her eyes.

They sat next to each other on the ridge of a cliff, legs dangling into the vague darkness. She didn’t much like making small talk with him, but it was better than uncomfortable silence as they rested.

“But like I said, there are exceptions,” he continued.

She asked herself for the hundredth time why she chose to get stuck down here with him. The Chasm was far too dangerous for her to wander alone. There was nowhere for her to step away to, and she had no choice but to hear him out.

“Of course there are,” she muttered, masking no venom.

“Ah... Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever get you to change your mind about me.” 

She could hear what would be some semblance of remorse in Childe’s voice, if he was the kind of person whose tone you could trust. Which, as far as she was concerned, he wasn’t.

“That’s all, girlie.” He stretched his arms behind his head with a sad little smile. 

“Oh, yeah, you gonna cry?”

He sighed. “What then?”

“I’ll laugh at you.”

“And? You’re already laughing at me.”

Lumine felt her betraying heart sink, a bit of guilt defying her attitude. “Well, thanks for sharing. Now I know how to piss you off.”

“You’re also already doing that.”

“Mission accomplished.” She paused, wanting to ask something but being unsure whether he would give it a straight answer. “What’s your mission, Harbinger?”

“Hm! Why should I tell you?” he said with a smile in his voice.

Lumine shrugged. “You sure as hell don’t have to.”

“Well, since you’re so desperate to know,” he simpered, “my goal is world domination. Simple as.”

Lumine eyed him. “Fine, don’t tell me.”

“No, I’m serious. That’s my goal.”

His look seemed to be sincere, but of course she still didn’t know how sincere that actually was. 

“Someday I’m gonna rule the world. All will know my name and despair.”

He still looked sincere and she couldn’t believe it. Lumine snorted, and then guffawed, and then roared with laughter. “There’s no way. That’s so childish!”

Childe’s mouth fell agape, offended. “What’s the matter with it?” he whined.

Lumine wiped her eyes and shook her head. “Nothing at all, Childe. Nothing at all.” A yawn overtook her as she caught her breath. It felt good to laugh that hard. Maybe he was good for something, even if he oughtn’t be so proud of it.

She pushed herself to her feet, marching herself to the concave in the wall in which they’d set up a tiny camp. It consisted of a briefly functional fire pit, a stash between two boulders for their packs, and one leather blanket. She yawned again and sent a cross frown at the rock-hard floor. This would be less than enjoyable.

“Hm? Callin’ it a night? I can keep watch if you like.”

“I’m a light sleeper. It’s unnecessary,” Lumine replied, adamant. She hated the idea of Childe trying to protect her in any way.

He acquiesced. “If you say so.”

Initially, Lumine tried to take a position on the other side of the smouldering fire pit. It was uncomfortable, but she’d rather that than share a blanket with a Fatuus. This sentiment lasted until she began to feel suspicious that he was up to something across from her.

“Scoot over, Harbinger.”

“Getting cold, are we?”

“Shut your mouth. You better not snore.”

Childe simply laughed, stretching his arms behind his head and then moving himself over to allow her room. She lied down at his side, making an unprovokedly nasty face at his back. Then, she turned her shoulders away.

The whole time, she kept one eye open and one hand on the hilt of her sword. She was not aware that Childe was doing the same. By the time their fire had burned out, she’d dragged the blanket a bit further over her shoulders in response to the chilly air of the cave threatening shivers down her spine. Her mind was running through all the ways this could go, all the regrets she may have if she wasn’t careful. 

It was, perhaps, true that sticking next to a warrior who claimed to want to protect her would be safer than facing the cursed caverns by herself. And it was also true that she liked to keep her enemies close when possible, and that this appeared to be the perfect opportunity. But Lumine couldn’t shake the dread in the pit of her stomach every time her eyes had met his during their travels, and the unrelenting chill that seemed to radiate from him. There was something terrible about him, something that was exaggerated in its concealment. Something that was deeper than his association with the Fatui and his hailing from Snezhnaya. There was something that, at his core, denied him hesitation in his bloodthirsty pursuit.

There was no true tenderness in him, unlike all the rest she had met in Teyvat. It was as if he, also, was of another world.

What calamity could have borne such a monster?

She did sleep, eventually—dreaming of dark worlds and cold, soulless oceans—but awoke within the reaches of an hour to a slight rustle of the blanket and a clamour of beastly cries echoing against stone. She took to her feet after only a moment, sword drawn.

A flash of blue light reflected on the grey cavern walls revealed the Eleventh Harbinger’s usage of his vision upon what Lumine understood to be now defeated hilichurls. She dashed out from the small camp to greet Childe’s side once again, just in time for the two of them to be surrounded by reinforcement of several mitachurls and samachurls.

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” she spat, rushing towards a larger enemy. 

“Oh, I figured you wouldn’t mind my dealing with it.” He slashed Hydro at two mitachurls, dispelling them immediately.

“You figured wrong.” Lumine gave the mitachurl a frustrated kick.

“My bad, girlie.”

“And don’t call me that.” She dodged a swing of the monster’s weapon with a duck of her head.

“You really are a light sleeper, huh?” An arrow came from his direction and struck it in the head. It fell to the ground with a grunt and dissipated. “And not much of a morning person, it seems!” he added.

Something seemed to be different about the energy these Hilichurls seemed to have. They had a dissonant glow to them—a black agony holding their attacks steadier and harsher than usual.

Lumine shook off the unsettling feeling, shouting instead, “That one was mine!”

He ran past her, raising his Hydro-infused daggers at the remaining hilichurls. “You know,” he said, voice quite casual for someone in the middle of slaughtering beasts, “you really seem to talk a lot more without that imp Paimon speaking for you.”

“She makes things easier.” Lumine cleared her throat. “Usually.”

“She makes it a whole lot harder to get to know you.”

“What do you think this is, a candle-lit dinner?”

“If you like.”

Lumine gritted her teeth and cut down the last monster, twirling her sword and sheathing it with force. She promptly walked back to their little camp, grabbed her bag, and continued in the direction from which the hilichurls had come. She ignored the peevish smirk on Childe’s face as he followed her actions. 

“You hungry? Shall we hunt ourselves some breakfast? Perhaps light ourselves a few candles to go with it?”

She scowled and shook her head. “No. I can go days without eating.” With brutal timing, her stomach growled.

“Is that so?” he replied with a smug tone. “Well, I’d rather not eat alone, anyways. Don’t worry, I won’t have you lift a finger; I’m built to provide for women.”

“Oh, what, you can sniff out your food?”

Childe seemed a bit surprised. “Well, yes, I can.”

Lumine let a laugh slip and raised her brow at him incredulously. “You can’t be serious.”

“You must be an awful hunter yourself.”

“I’m a woman, not a bear.”

“You’re calling me a teddy bear? I’m flattered. Perhaps my sweetness has finally reached you.”

“Shut up.”

Childe mimicked zipping his lips and throwing away the key, and seconds after, his eyes latched onto something. He met Lumine’s gaze, gave a sarcastically long sniff, and proceeded to aim his bow.

Zwip.

“See? Breakfast.” He jogged forward to finish off his prey.

He’d shot a Hydro fungus right through its center; the poor thing was still writhing in the stream he’d spotted it in. “And we’ve got water to boil it in! Marvelous. We shall eat like kings and queens.”

“Yeah, kings and queens of fungi pisswater.”

“You’re just upset that I told you so.” He lifted the fungus by the tentacles around its head, dangling it before his own face with a wide, toothless smile. It was downright creepy, the way his eyes darkened and his smile shone.

“And what convenient cooking utensils are you gonna use to boil the brute?” Lumine asked.

Childe’s gaze latched on her, some remnant thirst for blood sending shivers down her spine. “Fire.”

She resigned not to ask any more questions. His useless response and acute expression dissuaded her from acknowledging him at all, for the moment. His gaze was so intense, like a hawk’s while catching a rodent in its beak. It didn’t suit his soft features, with the exception of those eyes of his. Those cold, empty, blue eyes.

Sometimes she needed a reminder that she was tagging along the side of a sadistic Snezhnayan killer.

—

Apparently, Childe’s idea of procuring proper cooking utensils was to simply locate a Fatui camp further into the Chasm willing to allow use of their resources—which, honestly, Lumine wished he had done much sooner, even last night. She hated Fatui but she hated going hungry more. 

He had led the two of them into another, wider area, in which there were structures along the walls that seemed to be out-of-commission mining constructs. On and around them, enemies of Lumine patrolled—but many of them were comrades of Childe and of the Cryo Nation. The camp they came across had two Legionnaires sitting around a fire, apparently gossiping up a storm. The distorted conversation became easier to hear as Lumine and Childe drew nearer.

“I heard that The Fair Lady went over to Inazuma. I’m thinkin’ she’s trying to rizz up the Electro Archon.”

“You’re kidding! Lucky Archon. She could rizz me up any day.”

“Bold of you to assume she’d even want to look at your ugly ass face.”

“Hey! Just a hypothetical, man.”

“Hello, boys,” Childe interjected, marching into camp. Lumine held back, letting him flaunt himself until they offered their resources and paychecks and livelihoods to him.

They both started as they noticed him. “Oh, it’s the Eleventh!” The Hydrogunner said, relatively less shocked than Lumine expected. “What brings you all the way down ‘ere?”

“Harbinger business,” he said with a smile in his tone. “You boys got rations?”

The Cryogunner nodded. “Yup.”

“Mind if me and my companion use your cookware?”

“Sure…” The Fatui Skirmisher eyed him.  “Why don’t you got your own?”

“Slipped my mind on the way,” he said casually. “C’mon, girlie, let’s feast.”

Lumine took a step into sight, and paused. All three Fatui were watching her without trying to kill her, and she hated it.

“What’s the hol’ up, stranger?” The Hydrogunner Legionnaire asked her, putting his large hand on the handle of his gun.

“Mm, nothing.” Lumine sighed, walking into the camp.

As they cooked up the Fungi—which yielded a terrible smell, and a confounding taste—Lumine couldn’t help but notice that neither Legionnaire was taking his eyes off of her for long. Childe was jolly and friendly with them, asking about their work and how they spent their time. From what she gathered from their conversation, a huge aspect of their job was dedicated to waiting for things to happen.

After a “nice rest,” as Childe put it, the two cavern travellers set off from the camp further into the maze of mining infrastructure and stalagmites and cold, open cave air. She could make out some parts of the cavern’s ceiling thanks to the murky indigo glow splayed across sections of it. She recognized the substance to be similar to the mud she’d been trapped in earlier, only this was much thicker and more potent. Such substance also littered the cave floor and even the wooden pathways they took along the mining structures.

Lumine wondered where in Liyue they were beneath now. Perhaps they were under the harbour, or the mountains, or the islands. If they somehow made a tunnel straight up, would they end up in the sea? How did these pillars of stone hold up such a great land? 

After another hour or so of walking they came across another camp with two scruffy Fatui Geochanter Bracers pacing its outskirts. Childe greeted them respectfully. And greet Childe they did, but the mutual respect was nowhere to be seen.

“Who does this guy think he is?” one asked. They both scowled at him, holding their weapons at the ready. 

“I’m No. 11 of the Harbingers.”

“Sure you are, pal,” the same replied, sending his colleague a sickly smirk.

Childe, in turn, frowned. “You don’t recognize me?”

“Why should we?” the other asked in a drawl, cocking his head. “We haven’t caught word of any Harbingers for ages. Even if you are whichever Harbinger you say, it’s frankly meaningless.”

Childe and Lumine met eyes, and Lumine quirked an eyebrow. He shrugged, facing them again. “Alright, boys. We’ll leave you be.”

As they walked away from the camp, they heard the skirmishers laughing to each other. “That kid expected us to believe he was really a Harbinger. A Harbinger!” The roaring laughter echoed down the chamber as they walked further away. “Chasm must have gotten to them.”

Lumine noticed Childe clenching and unclenching one of his fists, brows furrowed. She was about to tell him to shake it off, when she heard a bit more.

“What a damn riot. Who was the bitch with him? Didn’t know Harbingers had girlfriends…”

Before she could think it through, her sword was suddenly in her hand and she was turning on her heel to teach them a lesson. It would be oh so satisfying to crush their voice boxes under her heel. But she felt a hand on her shoulder, and at Childe’s imploring expression, she sighed.

“I don’t think they’re in their right minds. No need for unnecessary bloodshed.”

Lumine nearly spat as she replied. “Drunk or not, I don’t let Fatui talk about me like that.”

One corner of Childe’s lips lifted, threatening a smile, but he instead pressed his mouth into a line. “I know, girlie. But I don’t think it’s just alcohol.” His eyes wandered into the darkness around them, settling on a patch of black mud on one edge of the cave.

She followed his gaze. “What the hell is that stuff, anyways?”

“It’s sort of…” He clicked his tongue. “I don’t really know.”

“What were you going to say?”

Childe ran his right hand through his hair, apparently thinking very hard. “It’s nothing your type wants to be around, that’s all.” He shrugged, and at last started to walk again. “Or those skirmishers, believe it or not.”

They continued to walk for what felt like hours. Lumine was becoming more shamefully comfortable with him leading the way. She found that she couldn’t stop thinking about him stopping her from attacking those men—those men whom she normally would wipe the floor with, and who had equally pissed him off. He didn’t want “unnecessary bloodshed.” What did that mean, by his terms?

—

There was something about the image of Childe that she had in her mind that suited this kind of environment. Running in the shadows, searching for what she did not understand. His perpetual energy and smiles, but his pale, insipid gaze.

“How… How do you see so well in the dark?” she asked him, barely aware it had been out loud until he turned to her with a raised brow.

“What do you mean?” he responded. He tossed the Hydro glow between his hands like it was an insignificant playground ball. “Are you referring to my vision lantern?”

She squinted at him. “No. You’re only using that for me, aren’t you?”

He gave her a smile that seemed a little too genuine for her comfort. “How’d you know?”

Lumine crossed her arms. “I asked you a question first.”

He grimaced. “Well, alright. You’re no fun.”

“Mhm. You gonna answer it?”

Childe paused, peering at her for a second with a smile still faded onto the corners of his lips. “Alright. You really want to know? Fine.” He took a deep breath. “Although, I will warn you, it’s not a… per se… charming story. Nor have I… told it many times.”

Lumine didn’t say anything, waiting for him to continue.

“Well… there was a time,” he said, “when I was young, about 14 years old. I ran away from home one day. Schneznayan winter forests are not forgiving to young folk out and about, and soon enough I was being chased by the beasts of the land. I escaped, but only by the fluke of,” he extinguished the Hydro lantern, throwing both of them into the haunting pitch black of the Chasm, “...darkness.

“It was then, in that darkness, that something… took me in. I was not my fathers, nor my own, nor the Tsaritsa’s. Something gave me a new home. Something taught me the ways of that darkness. Something… or someone… changed me.”

Lumine then realized that Childe was gripping her arm, a fierce look in his eyes. She could not see anything but the pale blue of his irises. Fear crept up her throat, though she knew not quite what it was of.

“She taught me all I know. Anyways, I got out alright and went back home after that.” He released her arm and relit the lantern. “All’s well that ends well, and now I can see decently in the dark! My eyes just adjusted over the time I spent there.“

Lumine noticed her heart speeding and she took a shaky breath, hoping it would calm her. “I see.”

He appeared to notice. “Are you alright, there, girlie?”

“I’m fine…” she mumbled. Yet another reminder, it was, that this was no ordinary  man, that evil dwelt just behind those clear blue eyes. Yes, it suited his behaviour, but in a way it still shocked her. There seemed to be moments when he was just a rival to her—a rival, but someone she would not like to live without. “And don’t call me that, Harbinger.”

Childe simply laughed. “I’d like you to meet my master someday. She’d get a kick out of you. You’re feisty enough. I think you might even be able to hold your own in a duel against her, for at least a few seconds.”

Lumine tried to shake off her chills. “You say that like we’re ever going to get out of this hell-hole.”

“You still don’t trust me, huh?” Childe directed his gaze into her eyes, appearing a bit bothered by her sharpened glare right back. “I see,” he resigned, talking as if to himself. He began to walk again, heading towards a suspended bridge across a dark gorge. “What more shall I do, hm?”

Lumine recovered herself and dashed a few paces to catch up with him. Until he had slivers in his palms from repairing the boards of the houses that were destroyed by Osial’s wrath; until he mourned the lives of the innocent nearly lost by his reckless choices…

“Traveller, will you ever stop blaming me for what happened in the harbour?” he asked, as if hearing her thoughts. “I was only following orders from the Tsaritsa; and the people of Liyue triumphed, didn’t they? Someday, maybe, you’ll stop villainizing the Fatui just because you got roped into the Adventurer’s Guild before meeting me.”

“But you are villains.”

“How many treasure hoarder families have you forced into hunger by intercepting their plans? How many innocent soldiers have you bruised and broken simply because they opposed you? Traveller, don’t you wonder what drives you to follow someone like me?” An unwelcome shiver went up Lumine’s spine. “Is it not because you, as well, desire the thrill of battle, the flourish of power, the breeze of narrow escapes?”

She could not respond, for she neither had the words nor the time.

Childe and Lumine, during this discussion, had been walking under a rock overhanging the mining passage right before the bridge. A low growl—initially ignored, but succeedingly telling—has come from above it, and a scamper preluded a deep scraping sound of a giant rock against a massive wall. Whatever creature had been disturbed by their conversation had somehow caused an overhang the size of a ship to crumble from the wall and freefall straight towards them.

With only a moment to think, Lumine sprinted to the ravine bridge ahead, crossing it faster than she had known her legs to be capable of carrying her. She could only hope that Childe was close behind. The boards beneath her feet seemed to falter—and then there were no boards beneath her feet. She was falling—reaching—grasping and pulling herself up the bridge whose ropes from the direction she had come from had no posts left to be tied to. The planks became makeshift ladder rungs for her to hang onto, but some great elemental force behind her made any effort to do so futile. Securing her position as best she could with an uncomfortable placement of her legs on the hanging boards, she looked over her shoulder only to be utterly baffled by the sight.

Beneath the enormous rock which appeared to be frozen in time, the scrawny young man was gone, and the cycloptic beast of an unleashed Electro delusion posed instead. This was Tartaglia, the Eleventh of the Fatui Harbingers, and he was shrouded in black and purple as he channeled Abyssal energy upwards. Lumine could only watch as the swirling darkness of Foul Legacy grew at his command.

It was then that his head turned to face her for a moment, perhaps meeting her gaze. As his face was entirely masked, she could not fathom why he looked at her, but she was now convinced she’d imagined it. He was flying around the overhang fast enough that she could not see the motion itself, only a black blur between positions. At the increments where he stopped, he was slashing violet energy upon the rock. Then, he stopped in the air over the ravine with a final stroke, and the immense rock exploded and fell to the ground as amassments of dust and pebbles.

In the aftermath of the detonation she could just barely see, through the dust, his limp figure falling fast into the ravine. She scrambled down the rest of the bridge with her pack weighing heavily on her back and her heart weighing heavily in her chest. Reaching the bottom of the hanging bridge after what felt like an eternity, she breathed in what faith she had that the ravine floor would be close, and lept from the last “rung.”

Her feet hit the ground a bit later than expected and she lost her balance, teetering onto her hands, which were raw from climbing. She could immediately feel the unsavory mud-stuff between her fingers as she tried to push herself to her feet—and failed, finding her energy to be rapidly decreasing. It was as if her very life force was being claimed from her body as she crawled through the mud to reach Childe’s fallen form.

Before she made it to him, he slowly sat up. Lumine watched as he gazed at his own hand, heaving and trying to catch his breath.

“Ch-Childe—”

He seemed to surge from his daze, facing her in the darkness with his pale eyes. They seemed to still glow with a little purple from his prior Foul Legacy transformation. “Traveller…”

She sighed with relief and exhaustion at the sound of his voice. “What… what the hell was that?”

He tried to catch his breath. “That was me preventing the rock’s impact from bringing down the whole cavern on top of us. Not with much proper preparation though… yeah, that’s gonna have me pretty drained for awhile.”

“I think this mud stuff’s not helping.”

He gazed around them to where she was gesturing. “You’re right.”

Childe made to rise and Lumine marvelled at his strength. She hadn’t been using all her strength to destroy a colossal overhang, and she had found the mud had already sucked away most of her physical energy. She wasn’t sure if she’d be able to follow suit. But she wouldn’t have to; without another word, the Eleventh of the Fatui Harbingers scooped her up into his arms and carried her until they were out of the mud. Lumine couldn’t muster the energy to complain or resist. She was shocked by the warmth of his body and tenderness of his grip, even amidst his heaves of exhaustion. She could hear his racing heartbeat in his chest, where her head involuntarily rested. To her relief, he promptly set her down against the ravine wall and crumbled to the ground next to her.

Neither of them spoke for a few minutes.

Childe was first to break the silence. “Well, we survived.” He stretched his arms back behind his head with a huff. “Wasn’t that fun?”

Lumine, feeling a bit more energized, dropped her jaw at him. “I thought you were going to die.”

“Isn’t that all you’ve ever wanted?” he chuckled, looking a bit wistful.

“No,” she snapped, and immediately regretted it. “I mean, I’d rather I never saw you or any of the Fatui again, I don’t care whether it means you have to die or not.” At his smug expression, she tried to change the subject before he could tease her again. “Anyways, I wouldn’t like to be down here by myself. I feel like I’d go a little insane.” She did mean that.

Childe laughed and then started to cough, leaning forward. “Yeah, not possible,” he managed to get out. “Girls like you are as insane as they come, comrade.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” She watched him clutch his chest, more worried than she thought she ought to be. And yet her pride was no longer as pressing as her concern. How had he known what to do, up there? How had he known destroying the rock before it touched the ground would save them? “Hey, why the hell did you call me ‘comrade’? I’m the furthest from it.”

“It’s that or I get to call you ‘girlie.’ Besides, we’re stuck down here together whether either of us like it or not, so I think that makes us comrades in some way. And, well… you haven’t tried to kill me yet, comrade.”

His empty smile shut Lumine up as she wondered to herself what would be next.

As it turned out, darkness was next. Childe had exhausted himself to save the both of them—excessively, Lumine thought, and necessarily, Childe assured her—and he could not muster a hydro lantern for the time being. She bothered him to teach her how but he could not offer significant instructions. It seemed that yet again, vision bearers did not quite know how to relate to her visionless abilities however similar they appeared.

She wanted to go on still, and Childe said the only way they were doing so would be together. Lumine agreed, until he clarified.

“I mean we have to physically stick together. You don’t know what lurks at the depths of the Abyss—what can snatch you and drag you further into the darkness.”

“You mean the Chasm,” Lumine corrected him.

“Yes, that’s what I said, isn’t it?”

Lumine responded with silence, unable to make out his expression through the lack of light.

“Besides,” he continued, “I need your help if I’m going to walk very far.”

“And you think you can lean on me.”

“Yes.” He was rather confident.

Lumine thought for a moment, huffed, and linked her arm around his. “If it’s the only way, then fine.” 

Childe seemed to hesitate, his body stiffening at her touch, as if he hadn’t been the one to suggest it in the first place. After a second, however, he relaxed, and she could almost feel the warmth of the smile glaring from his face. It was a victorious smile, no doubt.

The two started to walk through the ravine.

Their fates were suddenly very much in each other’s hands, Lumine realized.

The truth was, as she had seen Childe’s figure fall out of the air, that Lumine had imagined many scenarios. The first, of course, had been a fearful vision of her attempts at exploration all by herself. Before Childe, before Paimon, she had always been travelling with Aether. Rarely had she been truly alone, especially while in such damning circumstances. She thought about the fact that, had Childe not lived through the fall, she would have been stumbling in the darkness without someone to blame it on. Without someone to lean on her. Without another’s life to protect.

The second vision was of a world without Childe—perhaps a safer one, but in some dreadful way, an emptier one. Yes, empty of a life that ought to carry on. As much as she would claim to hate him, she was unable to even conceptualize his death being a good thing. She’d had opportunities to kill him herself. Really, she’d rather she had taken those opportunities herself before she had grown attached to him, rather than being unable to protect him from death.

The third vision was seemingly not her own. For as she watched him fall, she had felt herself falling. She had felt the wind racing past her face, her body growing limp, and her end approaching. 

She had known dread.

author’s note. wowie! chapter two! this was one of my favourites to write for sure; finishing this chapter determined me to finish the whole fic.

please consider leaving some thoughts so far. it would be greatly appreciated.

— table of contents / next chapter

➳ GENSHIN MASTERLIST

[sasoxichomoshi]

hey! i'm planning on writing a lol vampire au heavily inspired by castlevania and i want nilah as one of the protagonist monster hunters, but i have very little idea on how to write her. there are veeeery few good nilah fics (and i found only one that was nilah-centric) so i dont have much fan material to base myself on.

i find nilah really hard to write because we don't know a lot about her prior to ashlesh and writing a character that only feels ona emotion is a challenge. i still intend on making ashlesh and their deal a thing (although not necessarily as extreme as the runeterra version) but I really wanted to hear from the greatest nilah expert out there. do you have any tips/suggestions? what are things you feel are missing in most nilah fanworks?

i always wanted to make an overall guide on how to write nilah, but never felt comfortable in doing so, but hey now i have an excuse!! thanks frend

first i want to say that most of fanfics out there are fine and there are even some of them i like a lot despite not agreeing the way they write nilah (i guess that's what we call creative freedom lol), and nonetheless im very grateful for people picking her to write about

that said, yes you are totally right, nilah is hella difficult to write, like god level difficulty, because not only you have to know nilah, but if you're going to write her having any interaction with another character you have to know that character too (more than superficial knowledge); for example, nilah often refers to another people by their *full name* or titles, so it's something you have to keep in mind (the only exception i can imagine to this is if she's faking not knowing something for the sake of a higher objective that cannot be achieved by the use of brute force)

nilah unending happiness might sound like a big problem, but it has to be one of the most chill parts of her character; usually people tend to focus too much on the happy side of the thing, and in fact she doesn't work like this!

nilah is happy all the time yes, but it works more like a feeling of excitement than of genuine happiness, and the thing is: nilah feels other things too. well, she doesn't feel them literally, but she *believes* she feels them, it's her human part rationally thinking and mentally pointing "oh now i should feel anger" "now it's a moment of sorrow" and the moment the thought leads to a feeling, it is immediately cut by her curse

nilah lives by her principles and values inherited from her human part and past, and that's what she uses to guide her. all her feelings are suppressed by ashlesh, so she has to rely on her logic, basically

the demon's influence feels much like a grasp; it feels like its hands tightly holds nilah's head; ashlesh is oppressive, he's always watching her... and she still keeps him in control through her rituals and meditations (and even with her intelligence)

people overlook this one too, but nilah is very smart and cunning; years of reading made her a walking encyclopedia, and her tongue can be as sharp as her urumi, BUT her spiritual training with the seventh layer order also made her mindful and sensible: she's smart, but she'll only use knowledge for good; she's cunning, but she won't be if unnecessary or for personal gain.

she weighs the consequences of her actions especially when interacting with other people (which brings me to another point that nilah navigates interaction by social cues, she guesses the pattern and goes by it cause 1) she only feels joy and 2) she's contacting another cultures and lands, so it's kinda of a process of trial and error)

also, if i may say, the impression "an intimate evening at oyster bill's" gives about nilah is that she can read intentions very clearly (probably an ability she got from ashlesh), she may not know why people act the way they do, but she knows when someone is lying or being honest (or threatening her)

with these explanations in mind, here's a quick guide by topics to follow when writing nilah

INTERACTIONS

she's very reserved about herself and her past - even when writing her paired with someone, i dont think she would talk about herself, her past is forgotten and she lost herself to joy, remember that

she's moderate when speaking - if you're going to make her sound happy, do it with balance, the only moment she sounds exceptionally happy and excited is in battle

she's not emotional (logically) - she wont act "in the heat of the moment", as i said, she's thoughtful with her actions

ashlesh also "interacts" with other people - tho of what we have been presented so far makes him looks mysterious, here i believe people SHOULD flex, go for your imagination

INNER THOUGHTS

if you feel like really writing her PoV, try to follow that idea of the logical thinking i explained above and keep it short and objective

you can also describe ashlesh's influence for that emotional seasoning (as i explained above)

but (and it's my personal favorite) you can also totally avoid diving into nilah's PoV for that mystery flavor that works so well with her - no one understands her and trying to do so can create interesting settings

MANNERISMS

she always uses people full names or titles - and in this case using titles when not sure about the characters full names can help, but i advise not overuse it

whenever nilah speaks with someone, insert small mentions of recitations during the interaction - with parsimony, the better use of it happens as a tool to drive conversations; nilah can use it to avoid a question, change topics or end conversations (and the inverse can happens too!!), be creative when use it and be sure to include meaningful conversations/interaction between her lil' recitations

nilah make use of mudras, hand gestures - they can be widely used to be honest (it's more frequent when she do recitations/meditates), but you can also make creative use of it (e.g. she inserts signs in the middle of the mudras to sneakily pass a message)

DON'Ts (personal opinion)

avoid making her childish like the hell

dont make her have the joker smile all the time please please please

she doesnt laugh at everything

this one is veryyy particular of me, but nilah wont go out there mentioning ashlesh name or saying things like "this is ashlesh the lord of joy, one of the ten kings, demon of the seventh layer and i control it blah blah blah" - even if she's asked directly i doubt she would give a full answer, AGAIN she's thoughtful and objective, she wont go out there giving this kind of information for free, avoid this

i think these are my main points, ofc dont let them hold yourself on some idea, i really dont wanna hurt any creative thought by somehow "imposing" my views

something that i always have in mind is that everyone is writing nilah's epic somehow, and i believe nilah would like to see everyone's thoughts about her turning into stories

thanks so much for the ask, and sorry for the delay (and maybe i wrote it too big lol), if you have another questions please it will be a pleasure to answer them ^u^

[eolewyn1010]

Downton Abbey Fashion 3 - Edwardian outdoors fashion

We're still on coats and walking suits pre-war, but we have yet to look at the younger generation of Crawleys. And I will have to begrudgingly admit that while I can't stand Mary, I am in general an admirer of her fashion choices.

Hm. This coat would be an exception. Admittedly, it does have embroidered lapels, but I don’t see the pattern well enough anywhere that it looks other than abstractly flower-ish to me. Other than that, it doesn’t seem to fit quite right? It’s honestly one of the more unassuming Mary looks, but it was also grabbed for her in a haste and I don’t think we see this again afterward. Oh well, on to the prettier bits.

There we go. Usually, Mary’s outdoor looks are spectacular. Look at this tailored suit! So grey and yet so glamorous. I love these little toothed elements around the collar and on the cuffs. Unnecessary buttons are usually the death of me because ew, stitching on buttons. But I can’t deny that the effect is great. Also, the velvet ribbon around the hat pops nicely on the otherwise uncolored outfit.

Thanks, Mary – this is a nice coat. Beautiful color, looks clean and streamlined, nowhere near the shabby chic of the first one. And again, the velvet elements pop very finely. And I definitely need to find out the Crawleys’ milliner; the first hat is doubtlessly one of my favorites. How do you load velvet, tulle, feathers, and a brooch up there without making it look cluttered? It helps that the rest of the outfit, including Mary’s jewelry, is very understated. Also, the coat is a holdover to season 2.

The white London walking suit. Not a personal favorite of mine; I feel it’s a bit lacking in those nice contrast elements the blue coat has, but there’s no denying it looks very good. Love the stitching on the upper part of the collar; it ties in the color scheme of the hat. The hat itself – well, again, this particular asymmetrically drooping style is not my favorite, but it’s perfectly coordinated with the suit, and the ribbon adds up with gloves, shoes and umbrella to a nice framework. Slightly suspicious of the pockets in this jacket though. I hope to someone those are actual pockets and not just decorative flaps.

Another banger! I’m tempted to call this an Eton jacket because of the waist length, but I’m not secure enough in my terminology. And this one comes with contrast elements again; I love it. The collar style is new, and then there are these adorable little turnover-cuffs! And the little soutache embroidery on the front which seems like a nod to military fashions… You know, maybe it is an Eton jacket after all. Mary wears this one a couple times, with various hats as we can see – again, this asymmetrical style, and one of the big plumage spectacles I personally prefer because I’m overfed on modern fashion understatements. Go big or go home. But also, consider: pockets.

I’m not a 100% sure about this; like some of the Dowager’s dresses, it seems to be a liminal outfit. Without a hat, it looks very indoor-sy, but with the hat, it’s fine enough for a stroll in the park. Anyway. High-waisted skirt because Mary meets a potential suitor, so she’s gotta show off her figure, and fluff above the waist because pigeon chest is not quite dead yet. The long pearl necklace in the first picture is foreshadowing the upcoming overlong fashions of the 1920s. No more notes; this looks nice and appropriate for summer, and purple dresses Mary quite well.

--------------

I don’t know what to make of this suit, tbh. I’m here for the cream-and-black contrast; this is almost a recolored version of Mary’s blue coat and as such very nice. Only, it looks like it doesn’t fit Edith quite right, wrinkling up in the chest area when she’s standing up straight. If this is another attempt in dressing her down, it doesn’t make sense; the Crawleys can afford to tailor every damn thing to the millimeter. At least with the mourning suit not quite fitting Mary, they had established before that it was an unexpected event and they didn’t know if the girls still had fitting mourning garb. Oh, well. Contrary to Mary’s opinion about Edith’s fashion sense, this one looks very nice with the dark blue blouse and hat, and it compliments her hair color. Also, the last picture is of season 2 – one more of the instances where they keep something over a season change.

This one fits better, but I’m not a fan of the brownish grey color. Of course, the situation is unflattering for Edith’s skills in intellectual conversation and flirting, so a not-very-flattering color on her makes sense. Thanks for the subtlety? On the plus side, the collar of that suit has some nice embroidery.

The orange walking suit! Hm? No, this isn’t spectacular or anything; it’s just the first instance of Edith wearing a color that’s going to become pretty iconic for her, although it doesn’t have the same character significance for her yet that it has later on. She pairs it with dark blue a lot; here, she’s going with black and white. Nice hat on the right, only I could swear I have seen it elsewhere before? Did she steal it from Mary? In any case, I like this style better than the little bowl hats Edith predominantly wears this season.

--------------

And then there’s Sybil, who has her signature color cut out more clearly than her older sisters – she wears more light blue than anything else, outside and in evening dresses. Check out this nice walking suit! Love the embroidery and the cute little tassels and the pleating on the front. Plus the dark blue piping around the collar giving it a little extra pop.

More of the same color, although this is a little more washed-out. I’m here for pinstripes though! This coat is much longer, almost to the knees. Also way more streamlined. I like that she’s repeating the hat, but with a different ribbon on it. The suit Gwen is wearing is technically also Sybil’s, and it’s cut in a much similar fashion as the previous one, but I’m surprised that it’s such a strong color contrast with the rest of Sybil’s wardrobe. It also might have been altered slightly to fit Gwen.

[setaripendragon]

Cress - Part 5

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 I think this was probably my favourite part to write, honestly. I did so much unnecessary research into Constantine's family tree to make the timeline make sense. I now have the entire Constantine lineage plotted out in a notebook somewhere. I'm probably never going to use it for anything, but I have it! =D John Constantine does not want to deal with this shit.

John is not having a great day. He’d started it hungover, and then his ex had dropped the spawn off round at his apartment because she had some emergency come up, so he’d been forced to turn down a job of his own. Which was not ideal, given his finances were not in the best of states. Then he’d panicked because Joanna was getting into all his magical tomes and cursed shit, and getting his daughter cursed would just be the rotten cherry on top of the already shitty cake of his life.

So having the doorbell ring out of the fucking blue right when he’s trying to convince the spawn to lie down for a fucking nap is perfectly in line with how this day is going. That is to say; bad. It makes him want to lie face-down on the floor and never get up again. “Right,” he tells Joanna. “You stay there, I’ll be right back.” He says it out of wishful thinking more than any real expectation of her doing what she’d told. She is, after all, his daughter.

He goes and opens the door – because he might as well get the next awful thing over and done with – to find some random bloke on his doorstep. He’s wearing a smart dove grey blazer over a t-shirt and fancy jeans, which makes him look like both a rich businessman and an asshole. It does not endear him to John at all. Neither does the fact that he’s actually kind of handsome when John looks past the rich asshole clothes. “Wot?” he asks, very flatly.

“Uh, are you Constantine?” the guy asks, which is not good. People who ask for him by just his last name are always looking for some kind of magic shit, and John is trying not to do too much magic shit around Joanna. It’s dangerous, for one thing, and also he’d rather his daughter didn’t follow him into this shit line of work.

“Not today,” John says flatly, but then adds, “come back next week,” because he can’t turn the fucker away entirely. He needs the money. Even if rich twats and magic are never a good combo. He’d suggest tomorrow, except Dani didn’t say how long this supposed ‘emergency’ of hers is supposed to last. Better to make it a week.

The man on his doorstep sighs like the delay of a mere week is enough of a disappointment to crush the air from his lungs, his eyes falling closed and shoulders slumping in tired resignation. John’s stupid fucking bleeding heart decides now is a good time to remind him it exists. And he’d been doing such a good job at forgetting it was there, too. “Oh, fucking fine,” he huffs, crossing his arms and leaning against the jamb. “What is it?”

“I’m looking for someone,” the man begins hesitantly, like he’s not sure how best to go on.

John narrows his eyes. “Someone that don’t wanna be found?” he challenges darkly. “Cause I’m gonna need a lot more convincing before I agree to that, mate.”

The man shakes his head quickly. “No, he’s a friend. He missed a date last week, and- Well, I’ve had reason to wonder if he might be in trouble, these last couple of years, and this was the last straw. I just want to make sure he’s okay, that’s all.”

Well… Finding people with magic is generally pretty easy these days, what with most everyone forgetting magic is even a thing that might need to be guarded against. And it’s not usually dangerous to do a quick bit of scrying. At least, not unless you’re trying to peek in on Hell or the Fae Courts or something. So it should be okay to just get this done quick and get paid, even with Joanna in the house.

“I charge an hourly rate plus the cost of any components used in the requested spells, plus hazard pay if whatever you want doing results in potential loss of life or limb,” John informs the guy as a warning, even as he steps back to hold the door open wider; an invitation, just not a verbal one. Just in case.

He crosses the threshold without missing a beat, and none of John’s wards go off, so he’s not possessed or in any kind of magical disguise. Good enough. John herds him into the living room, ignoring the bland reassurances spilling out of the guy’s mouth that money isn’t a problem. As if John hasn’t figured that out for himself, thanks.

Joanna peeks over the back of the couch at them. John raises his eyes to the heavens. “I told you to stay in bed,” he chides. “It’s nap time.”

“No it’s not. It’s work time,” she corrects officiously. “I can help!”

“Sure you can,” John agrees, crouching down in front of the couch to look up at Joanna very seriously. She looks back, wide-eyed and triumphant. “You can help by going and having a nap so you’re not cranky later.”

Joanna scowls fiercely. “I’m not a baby,” she insists.

“No, you’re not. Don’t see what that’s got to do with having a nap. God knows I’d much rather be napping than working, and I’m all grown up and everything.”

“Then you go nap,” Joanna suggests slyly, “and I can do the magic.”

“Not a chance, squirt,” John informs her. “Go on, get. If you’re good and actually get some sleep, I’ll let you see one of the magic books at bedtime, alright? Just one!” he interjects before she can try to wheedle for more.

“Fine,” Joanna sighs, sliding off the couch to stomp back off to the bedroom.

John rolls his eyes again and shoves back to his feet, biting back a groan as his back complains at him. He’s only thirty, for god’s sake, and yet he feels so fucking old. “So, who are we looking for?” John asks as he drops unceremoniously into his favourite armchair, refusing to allow his customer any room to comment on the scene he just saw.

The bloke sits down on the newly vacated couch with a grimace. At first, John thinks he’s just being snotty about the ratty old couch, but then he says “I was hoping you’d be able to tell me,” in a very sheepish sort of voice, and he realises it’s in answer to the question.

“You don’t know your friend’s name?” he demands. Suddenly, he finds himself wondering exactly how much of that sob story the guy spun back on the doorstep was a lie specifically designed to get him through the door.

“He never told me!” the bloke protests, making a very good show of wounded innocence. “And after the fifth time we met up, it seemed a little rude to ask again.”

To be fair, John has admittedly gotten himself caught in a trap like that a time or two, so it’s not entirely implausible. He’s still not sure he believes it, but… God, he just wants this over and done with so he can get paid, and then maybe go have a nap right alongside Joanna. “Alright. Do you have a photo?” he asks.

The guy shakes his head.

“Some clothes of his?”

He shakes his head harder.

“Anything that’s been on his person?”

He hesitates, thinking, before shaking his head again.

“A lock of hair?”

That one wins him a snort and a very droll look.

“Do you have anything I can try to track him with?” John demands, at the very end of his rope and about two seconds away from being entirely done with this farce.

“I was hoping you would,” this fucking guy replies.

Yeah, John’s done. He stands up, and this fucking guy has the nerve to raise his hands in a placating gesture. “What the fuck is your game?”

“No game,” this fucking guy assures him. “I just assumed that, since you’re in the same business as ol’ Lady Jo, you might have some family stories of him. Maybe some family heirloom he gave her for that job he asked her to do? I honestly don’t know, but I’m grasping at straws here, and you’re the best lead I’ve got.”

“Old Lady Jo?” John echoes, not liking where this is going.

His fucking customer gives him a wary look. “You didn’t know your ancestor liked to muck about with the supernatural, too? She made a bit of a name for herself in the late seventeen hundreds.”

John had known that, actually. It was old stories about her, the ones his dad had passed down to him, that had inspired him to start playing with magic in the first place. And even though sometimes he regretted it more than anything, he’d still apparently had enough awe left in his heart to name his daughter after her.

But most of those stories had been set in the eighteen hundreds. The only one he could think of that was supposed to be that early in her life was the one about how she’d won a boon that set her on her course to make the Constantine name one to remember in the world of the occult.

“You’re looking for the Sandman?” John demands incredulously.

“The-” his customer begins, his eyes going very wide in a look of dawning, and faintly outraged, comprehension.

John snorts before he can help himself. “Jesus, you’re clueless,” he mutters, dropping back down into his chair reluctantly. To his surprise, his customer laughs at the comment instead of getting offended. It wins him a little bit of John’s good will back, but he can hardly dwell on it, because he’s coming to an unfortunate set of realisations of his own. He’s re-examining their whole conversation through this new lens of family history coming back to haunt him, and going cold right down to his fucking bones as the pieces click into place.

After all, it’s mid-July right now and the story of how Lady Joanna met the Sandman said that she’d ambushed him at a meeting with his immortal not-Jewish friend at the beginning of July every century. Hells, it’s the right year, too. And this man called the Sandman friend, and said he’d just recently missed a date, and knew about the job he’d tasked John’s ancestor with.“Jesus fucking Christ, I’m clueless,” he breathes in genuine horror at his own carelessness. “You’re him, aren’t you? The Wandering Jew.”

The asshole rolls his eyes. “I’m not-”

“-Jewish,” John finishes for him. “I know, but it’s not like you’ve introduced yourself, either. This time or the last.”

That gets a blink, and then a burst of startled laughter. “Oh, I’m picking up his bad habits now. Sorry. I’m Robert. Gadling, originally, but it’s Golding right now. My friends call me Hob.” He leans forwards to offer John a hand, which he shakes with a distant sense that this might just be the most normal weird thing to ever happen to him. It’s very surreal. “So, back to the issue at hand; can you find him? I mean, ‘the Sandman’ is more of a title than a name, isn’t it? Would that be enough?”

John can only stare at him helplessly. Gadling – should probably think of him as Golding, he probably wouldn’t appreciate his cover being blown by a careless word – stares back, desperate enough that John’s silence doesn’t even deter him. It’s a bit tragic. This blessed fucking idiot really doesn’t fucking know. The Dream Lord’s infamous immortal companion really is just as clueless as your average mortal moron.

“Mate,” John says, with emphasis enough to make Golding’s face fall. “Everyone’s been looking for the bloody Sandman. No one’s had any fucking luck for the last seventy years. What do you think the sleepy sickness is?”

Golding goes pale.

“Seventy years…?” he breathes in horror.

John nods, feeling pretty bad for the guy who’s just figuring all this out now, instead of having grown up with these facts like John did. Every Constantine from his grandfather down to his daughter knows that the sleepy sickness coincided with the disappearance of the Sandman.

“Fuck. Fuck!” Golding swears, punching the arm of the couch, before pressing that fist to his lips to stifle any further cursing. John personally thinks he’d feel a lot better if he just yelled for a bit, but he does appreciate the restraint, given there’s a – hopefully – sleeping kid in the bedroom just down the hall. Then he drops his hand and fixes John with a look that makes him want to stay very still until the threat passes.

John swallows hard and tries to wait it out, the hard calculations he can see going on behind Golding’s eyes. “Don’t make me regret this, Constantine,” he says direly. John doesn’t answer, because he can’t fucking know if he’s going to regret it, but he’s sure as fuck going to try not to get on this guy’s bad side. Golding is fucking immortal, after all, but John certainly fucking isn’t. “You said,” Golding begins, voice measured and cold, “that you could use a lock of hair to track someone.”

“You implied you didn’t have one,” John replies, just as measured.

“How about blood?”

John stares at this man. “You have the Sandman’s blood?” There’s no way, no possible way that he took it, right? So it had to be a gift. And here John had been thinking the Sandman hadn’t given Golding his name as a matter of trust. Clearly fucking not.

“After a fashion.”

John doesn’t have to be a genius to put that one together. After a fashion. After a fucking fashion. No wonder Golding opened with a fucking threat. John swallows hard and reaches out, fumbling blindly across the side-table for a pack of fags. He really rather desperately needs a smoke right now.

Because if word got out that this man has the Sandman’s fucking child in his keeping… John doesn’t want to think about it. He doesn’t want to think about it, but he is doing. It would be a fucking bloodbath. Occultists, magicians, exorcists, the ones with bad intentions and the ones with good – arguably worse, in John’s opinion, the sanctimonious fuckers – they’d all want a piece of this kid. It’s horrifying to think about, and it’s not the worst of it. At least, not for John personally.

Golding saw Joanna.

It doesn’t need to be fucking said that if John puts Golding’s… Ward? Kid? Adoptee? If he puts this kid in danger, Golding would pay him back measure for measure. “Jesus fucking Christ,” he breathes, hands trembling as he fails and fails to get his lighter to spark. “Fuck,” he swears, hands dropping. Golding reaches out slowly, gently takes the lighter from his lax, still shaking fingers, and sparks a flame for him.

John fatalistically accepts the help and leans forward to light his fag. He takes a deep drag as he sits back again. “You… you have the-” he tries, but he can’t actually bring himself to say it out loud.

“Yes,” Golding says flatly, turning John’s lighter over and over. “Can you find him?”

John breathes out a cloud of smoke. “I can fucking well try.”

[girlwholikestoread]

My least favorite to My favorite books I read in 2023

24. May The Best Man Win by Z.R. Ellor: I wanted to like this book so badly, I really did but this is probably the only book I read this year that I didn’t like. The story is about Jeremy Harkisis who is a transgender cheerleader and his ex-boyfriend Lukas who is the all-star football player; the two exes are both trying to earn the title of Homecoming King. Honestly I loved the idea of this story just wasn’t a fan of the direction. First I did like Jeremy for most of the book, honestly his attitude towards Lukas in the beginning of the book made me not want to root for them and he just seems so mean and selfish, I understand that was the point and usually I don’t mind reading about characters who are mean and selfish but learns their lesson at the end but, Jermey was just so unnecessary cruel to his friends despite all of them showing him support and kindness. I liked Lukas a lot and honestly he was the only reason I had any motivation to finish this book and I thought the ending was cute. Overall a big let down and Lukas deserve so much better.

23. Radiant Black, Vol. 3: Rogues’s Gallery: It was the first book I read this year because my brother insisted I read it. It was fine, I’m personally not a huge fan of the series but I think the story is pretty good. Overall I gave it 3 stars on GoodReads so not bad.

22. Blackwater by Jeannette Arroyo and Ren Graham: So this book was different…not in a bad way. I actually really liked this book but this went in a direction I did not expect. So the story about Tony Price who is a popular high school track star and a quiet boy named Eli Hirsch who has a chronic autoimmune disorder become unlikely friends. Seems like your standard romance, except it’s not. Eli has a special ability to see ghosts and most recently he’s been seeing a ghost of a fisherman, while that happens Tony gets bitten by a werewolf-like creator which turns him into one. The story was alright, I was a bit confused at times but I still mostly enjoyed it. The romance was also lacking. Tony and Eli have a few cute moments together but I wish there were more, and I wished there were more interactions between the side characters and the main character. Overall Loved the spooky art style, I would recommend this for Halloween.

21. The Black Flamingo by Dean Atta: I Devoured this book, I couldn’t put this down because I was so invested. The story is about our main character Micheal who throughout the book will grow up and start questioning his sexuality, gender expression, and his relationships. The story is formatted like a poem which I really liked. Seeing Micheal throughout his life from his adolescent years to his adult years, seeing him grow and form meaningful relationships was such a great reading experience. Overall beautifully written story, I hope Micheal and Kieran ended up together.

20. Husband Material by Alexis Hall: This book was great. I loved Boyfriend Material and immediately bought Husband Material once I finished the first book because I needed to know what was next for Luc and Oliver. This book did great continuing the story of all the couples from the first book, and showing that Luc and Oliver were made for each other. I especially liked Luc's shitty ex-boyfriend from college. I really wanted more information about that relationship and seeing Oliver stand up for his parents was so satisfying…but then the ending happened. Honestly I liked the ending, I thought it fit Luc and Oliver who always has an unconventional relationship so them deciding marriage isn’t for them makes sense, I just wasn’t a fan of the execution of them making that decision. Overall much like Sherk 2 perfect squeal.

19. The Princess and the Grilled Sandwich by Deya Muniz: This book is so fucking cute! I loved the characters, I loved the artstyle, I loved the cheese pun, I loved everything! This book is about Lady Camembert and how her before she passed wanted her to marry so she can get her inheritance and rights to her father kingdom, which could only be given to a man and he only had one daughter; she decided to disguise herself as a man and inherent everything but is forced to live a low-profile in order to not lose everything. However she breaks this rule and goes to a ball hosted by Princess Bri, they form a friendship and slowly start falling for each other; the only issue is that Bri believes that Camembert is a man. This story was cute, fun, engaging, and the ending was perfect! Overall I devoured this book like a grilled cheese sandwich.

18. Sorry Bro by Taleen Voskuni: This book was so good! This book is about Nareh who after ending her relationship with her boyfriend who, while wasn’t a bad person just wasn’t for her, decided she wants to explore her options dating with both men and women. During this she meets Erebuni and she becomes her wingwoman and helps her find a new guy or girl. However during this they both start following each other, with Nareh falling hard first. The book was great, it was a bit slow and I personally didn’t find her issues at work a compelling subplot but thought everything else great. I loved Erebuni and thought she was so sweet and understanding and like Nareh and her mom talk after she came out. Overall Sweet and Sapphic

17. I wish you all the best by Mason Deaver: This was the first book I read with a Non-Binary MC. We follow Ben De Backer who on Christmas day decides to come out to their parents as Non-Binary, this however doesn’t go as planned and they end up kicked out of their home on Christmas and have to call their estranged sister Hannah and her husband Thomas who they haven’t met yet. This leads to them having to live with her and start a new school where they meet Nathan Allan and start a friendship. This book made me cry a few times. Ben goes through a lot in a short period of time. Building a relationship with their sister, trying to make new friends, and figure out how they feel about their parents. This book is amazing and Ben and Nathan's relationship is so pure and it’s hard to find sweet innocent romantic connections in books nowadays but Ben and Nathan were so sweet. Overall this book felt like a hug on paper.

16. I’ll Be Home For Christmas by Mason Deaver: We loved a Christmas squeal! This takes place once Ben and Nathan have graduated and Nathan is attending college while Ben is taking time off school and living with roommates. Ben flys to Hannah house for Christmas Eve and plans to bring a surprise for Nathan by bringing his dog back home. Unfortunately their perfect gift plan ended up blowing up in their face when it snowed in and flights started being canceled. This short story is very sweet and does a great job showing us how Nathan and Ben are now. Ben’s determination to bring Nathan his beloved dog was so sweet and the ending was the perfect ending. Overall Ben and Nathan are a couple goals.

15. Ocean’s Echo by Everina Maxwell: I loved space adventures with a hint of romance, it’s one of my favorite combos. This book was written by the same author of Winter Orbit and it takes place in the same universe, however this isn’t a sequel since Kiem and Jainan aren’t mentioned and we have new main characters. In this book we follow Tennal, an absolut flirt who is constantly getting himself in trouble and Surit a Lieutenant who is very by-the-book. After Tennal gets himself in trouble yet again he’s forced to join the military where he meets Surit and they are forced to work together and forced to sync; and syncing is a type of merging of the minds. However Surit doesn’t want to sync because Tennal has made it clear he doesn’t want to be controlled. This leads to them coming up with a plan to get Tennal out of the military while keeping Surit rank. While this is happening they start slowing noticing a power struggle within the military. This book had me on the edge of my seats and I couldn’t stop listening, the romance wasn’t much which is fine because the overall plot was so intriguing it made up for the lack of romance. Overall Space politics are confusing but in a fun way.

14. Boyfriend Material by Alexis Hall: This is the funniest book I read all year. Hands down. Boyfriend Material is about Luc O’Donnell who is the child of two retired rockstars and because of this he’s constantly in the spotlight and usually for all the wrong reasons. Wanting to clear his image he needs to find a perfect boyfriend, which he does with a successful educated man named Oliver Blackwood. They enter a fake dating situation which benefits them both. Luc and Oliver's relationship moved along so naturally and Luc is so funny. All the side characters were great too and while I knew what the ending was gonna be I was still surprised on how it ended. Overall UK comedy is undefeated.

13. She Gets the Girl by Racheal Lippincott, Alyson Derrick: Sapphic slow-burns are perfect for the summer. In this story we follow Alex Blackwood who has lots of issues both in her family and her dating life and Molly who has a close relationship with her family but never had a real date or relationship. The two are polar opposites but come together to help each other out, Alex helps Molly get with her long time crush Cora Myers and it helps Alex prove to her ex that she’s a better person. Molly and Alex are so cute together, Alex encouraging Molly to come out of her shell was really sweet, and I related to Molly a lot. Overall Sweet, Sapphic, and I want to learn how to roller skate

12. Imogen, Obviously by Becky Albertalli: This book was so cute. In this we follow Imogen Scott who is a huge Ally and very involved in queer media. She visits her best friend Lili who’s thriving in college making new queer friends and everything is great…except Lili told a small lie saying that her and Imogen are ex’s and that Imogen is bi. Not wanting to make her friend seem like a liar she plays along, however while doing that she starts falling for Tessa, who is one of Lili's new friends. Imogen is such a sweetheart and one of my favorite main characters, The cover is also one of my favorites this year. Overall “I’m not homophobic, I’m an Ally”

11. A Mark on My Soul by Jordon Greene: This is the only book I read that didn’t have a happy ending. In this we follow Noah who decides to come out as gay to his friends, family, and publically online. When this happens he gets a message from a “secret admirer” which turns out to be his best friend Parker who’s in the closet. This book ripped my heart in half and ended up sobbing my eyes out. I already knew how Parker's story ended because I accidentally spoiled the ending for myself but despite that I grew so attached to Parker and wanted him to be happy. This book was a hard read for me but I loved it so much. Overall Parker deserves better!

10. The Long Run by James Acker: Ngl I almost DNF this book. I didn’t like the first 3 chapters and since I was listening to this book on audible I also wasn’t a big fan of Sandro’s VA, but chapter 4 is where I truly got invested and I’m so glad I keep reading because I ended up loving this book. In this story we follow Bash and Sandro, who are both finishing their last year of High School and after kissing at a Party they form a friendship. This is a true slowburn because even though they kissed in the beginning they stay mostly platonic and do “dude-bro” stuff. I also love that Bash never makes the fact he’s Bi a big deal, he just accepts that he fell for a guy and doesn’t care. Sandro and Bash are so cute together and I loved them so much. Overall Bash the Flash and the Italian Yeti are my OTP

9. Time Out by Sean Hayes, Todd Milliner, Carlyn Greenwald: I found out a lot of people don’t like this book and it honestly breaks my heart. In this we follow Barclay who's basically a sport legend in his school, at least he was until he decided to come out very publicly and the reception wasn’t what he was anticipating, because of this he leaves the Basketball team and help his friend Amy with school related politics where he also meets Christopher and together they help the voiceless have a voice. Barclay and Christopher's relationship is so sweet and wholesome I loved reading about them watching movies and kissing goodnight. I love non-sexual intimacy. Barclay is also great, he’s really kind and understanding given the circumstances of everything that happened to him. Overall everyone on GoodReads is wrong.

8. Snowflake Kisses by Jordon Greenee, Yayira Dzames: Skylar and Jacob are back! In this book we follow Skylar and Jacob who are spending their first Christmas together. Honestly this book is just vibes, no big conflicts, no third act breakup, no Jacbo’s dad, just pure sugary vibes. Seeing Skylar and Jacob have snowfighters, cuddle in the car, and get each other thoughtful gifts, everything was just so nice. Skylar's parents were also great and seeing them treat Jacob like family made my heart skip a beat. Plus I loved art. Yayira Dzames did an amazing job capturing the characters. Overall My favorite Christmas comic.

7. Iris Kelly Doesn’t Date by Ashley Herring Blake: Small confession, I wasn’t a big fan of Iris in the first two books (Delilah Green Doesn’t Care and Astrid Parker Doesn’t Fail). However I ended up liking her a lot at the end of this book. In this we follow Iris who has given up on dating and sticking to casual hook-ups after her two failed relationships. Unfortunately for Iris who’s a romance author she suffered from writer's block and needed to find inspiration. We also follow Stevie, a struggling actress with anxiety issues trying to get her big break while helping her ex keep her community theater studio open. When Stevie finds herself in a web of lies her and Iris start a fake relationship, this helps Stevie prove to her friends that she doesn’t need her feeling protected and helps Iris find inspiration for her needed book; they of course start actually falling for each other. Iris and Stevie have amazing chemistry throughout the book and I loved how patient Iris is with Stevie when it comes to sex and intimacy. The consent checks and making sure they both enjoyed each other was so hot. Stevie such as sweetheart and I related to her when it comes to how she views sex and her anxiety and Iris is great too. Overall Stevie has my whole heart.

6. The Sun and Star: A Nico di Angelo Adventure by Rick Riordan, Mark Oshiro: Fun fact I didn’t read any Percy Jackson books before this but I liked this anyways. We follow Nico di Angelo the son of Hades and his boyfriend Will Solace the son of Apollo as they travel through the underworld to find their friend Bob who was left behind in Hades Realm. Despite not reading anything Percy Jackson related I loved his adventure, Nico and Will bounce off each other perfectly and I wish there were more books where the main couple are already together because seeing these boyfriends act like boyfriends made my heart flutter. It was such a fun ride from beginning to end and I enjoyed it so much. Overall I should read Percy Jackson.

5. The First to Die at the End by Adam Slivera: This book destroyed me…so 5 stars. This is a prequel of They Both Die at the End, in this book we follow the first ever Decker and see Death-Cast go live for the first time. In this we follow Orion Pagan who lost his parents young and suffers from a deadly heart condition and while he has big dreams for his future he doesn’t see himself living long enough to achieve those dreams and we also follow Valentino Prince who moves to New York with his twin sister to start his molding career, however that’s cut short when he gets the call at midnight. I cried like 4 times reading this book, it was amazing. All the side characters were great and I love multiple POV’s in books. Overall I need more Death-Cast books.

4. Astrid Parker Doesn’t Fail by Ashley Herring Blake: Jordan Everwood is hands down my favorite character. This is the second book in the Bright Falls series and I couldn’t wait to read this one. We follow Astrid who just ended her engagement and is trying to focus on work, we also follow Jordan who helps her grandmother renovate her inn to avoid having to sell. After a not so great first interaction they find themselves working together to fix the inn for a reality tv show. As they work together they start to get to know each other and open up to each other about their family, relationships, and jobs. I loved Astrid in the first book and was so excited to see her story continue and I loved her and Jordan's connection. Overall “You deserve a destiny Jordan Everwood”.

3. The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid: This book was so good! In this we follow Monique who has just been assigned to write the autobiography about famous Hollywood Icon Evelyn Hugo and her glamorous and scandalous life. Evelyn is probably the most complex character I’ve read this year, out of all the characters she felt the most human, she made mistakes and did things she regretted but also had moments of kindness and had to make really tough choices. I liked Monique however if I had to change anything I wish we focused on her more, but what we have is great. Overall I need this to be a movie.

2. Last Night at the Telegraph Club by Malinda Lo: This book has amazing writing, I stayed engaged the whole time and couldn’t stop listening. We follow Lily Hu who is a seventeen year old Chinese American living in ChinaTown. This story takes place in 1954 when the red-scare was a big threat for Chinese Americans. Due to this Lily faces many problems, her father may be deported, her friend group is changing, and she starts developing feelings for other women especially her friend Kath. She and Kath start going to an underground lesbian club called the Telegraph Club. This book was so good, I can barely put it into words. Overall Speechless

1. The Sunbearer Trials by Aiden Thomas: I loved this book! I knew this was gonna be number one because this was the only book I’ve ever dreamt about after reading. In this we follow Teo, a seventeen year old trans son of Quetzal who finds himself in a century old battle to the death. Teo has no training and is convinced he will not make it out alive. I adore everything about this book, the comedy, the characters, the world building, and the plot twist left me speechless. I cannot wait for part 2! Overall I already miss Teo, Niya, Sol, and Aurelio.

[rolandkaros]

idk i just think if the player wants to be complaining about the other player’s attitude after retiring in front of everyone then goes to play doubles just fine is a little too shameless

i really think it just goes back to my point that like. it doesn't really do much to speculate? like congrats, you figured it out, she wasn't actually injured..........iga still won the match...and she'll survive getting criticized about stuff that (aside from the weird insincerity comments) i think is fair for someone to point out. and i don't think that complaining about a player's attitude proves or disproves faking an injury? shameless, maybe, if they actually are faking, but that wasn't really my point anyway

i also don't feel like playing doubles is necessarily proof that it wasn't a real injury. there could have been treatment in that time, or else part of the motivation to retire in singles was so she could keep playing in doubles. and whether or not you consider that a valid reason to retire is neither here nor there, but once again, it all goes back to my point, that accusing someone of faking an injury really does not accomplish anything except risk seeming insensitive, since we really have no idea what's really going on with that particular player.

like, i get you, maybe her behavior wasn't good, like you said, maybe it is shameless, but none of that was ever really part of what i was saying in the tags on that post. i think it's fair to accuse/critique people all day long for making weird comments (e.g. navarro getting roasted for talking smack which i think was very deserved lol). that was what i was meant when i said there are so many things to complain about when it comes to players' gamesmanship. i just feel like injury faking doesn't need to be brought up in that conversation, it just feels unnecessary.

and at the end of the day, if you disagree, that's ok! don't let me tell you what to do or how to act, i just think it's not worth it like 99% to even bother, and i'd rather let players possibly get away with it than accuse an actually injured player of faking (no matter how likely it appears to be that they are). there are usually other things to complain about anyway.