#which is the most disheartening thing ever because i love him so much

[femcharlemagne]

i can't stop thinking about my ex boyfriend but i cannot for any reason, good or bad, text him. and that's that on that

[puck-luck]

patchwork hearts | nico hischier

warnings: unprotected p in v, chatgpt-level swiss german (since google translate doesn’t have swiss german. only regular german. f u google translate), angst i guess (argument), make-up sex, pretty vanilla all in all, oral f!receiving, fingering.

pairing: nico hischier x fem!reader

request: Reader and Nico get into a fight before we leaves for away from away games in the west coast and they make up when he comes back (or while he is away). Request by @hockeygirl1328. thanks queen! sorry it took so long!!

wc: 3,345

The memory of the argument flashes through your mind when Nico’s face appears on your screen. It’s the cuddliest photo you’ve ever taken of him, scruff in full form and hair messy, but that still doesn’t improve your mood. Just before he left for this road trip, you’d gotten into a massive fight about his constant travel. You love Nico, so much, but he’s always gone. It’s your first season together and the adjustment from Summer Nico to Season Nico has been really difficult.

Maybe you were being selfish, but you didn’t want to miss Nico for another week. He comes home for a few days, then leaves for a few more. The cycle repeats over and over again and there’s not enough time for you and Nico to establish a routine. There’s not enough time for you to even see Nico some days, which is just disheartening. Your boyfriend is basically a half-version of himself and, most of the time, it feels like his only priority in life is hockey. You don’t even rank.

Nico’s words had hurt, even though you know in your heart that he was right. It was just excessive, the way he’d dug his claws into you with only a few words. 

As the phone rings out, you hear the echo of what he said. “You knew what this life was when we got together. I don’t have time for a constant guilt trip every time I leave!”

“I didn’t sign up to be an afterthought,” you’d fought back.

“Not everything is about you, you know,” Nico snapped. “The world doesn’t revolve around you– my world doesn’t revolve around you.”

His eyes had grown immediately wide and his jaw had dropped, like he couldn’t believe he just said that. You couldn’t believe he’d said that. The argument ended immediately– only because there was nothing you could muster up in reply. 

You hadn’t broken up with Nico for the mere statement, although you’ll admit that it crossed your mind. Instead, you’d sat in place as Nico’s many apologies fell on deaf ears. You felt almost catatonic as he’d kenlt down in front of you and tried to gauge your reaction, touching your knee with a gentle nudge. He’d wiped away the tears that leaked from your eyes, even though you’d tried to turn away from his touch. 

You’d slept over that night because you hadn’t felt you were able to move. The shock kept you in place. Nico had tucked you into his bed and relegated himself to the couch. When you woke up and you’d finally felt able to move, ready to face the boy, he was gone. There was a note on the door and a message left on your phone, both of which said roughly the same thing: that Nico was sorry he had to go, but he couldn’t stay. You knew why, of course. It was time for his California roadie. As much as you felt like an afterthought at times, you aren’t unreasonable. You know that he has to travel for his job. 

You’re still hurt, to be fair. No matter how many times Nico apologized after dropping that bomb, it continues to cut at you and pop up in your mind whenever he calls. You’ve answered twice over the duration of the roadie, but the conversations had felt stilted and forced. After the last call, just over a day ago, Nico had asked if he could come over to your apartment and see you when he got back. 

You think that he was calling a moment ago because he made it back to the Prudential Center and would be driving to your place soon. Your palms are a bit sweaty knowing that Nico is on the way. You don’t want to fight with him again and you have a feeling that he doesn’t want to fight either, but you know it’s not resolved.

You take the time before Nico arrives to calm yourself. You get a glass of water, you grab a handful of your favorite snack, and you sit on the couch to watch a bit of TV.

He calls again a few minutes later. This time, you answer.

“Hi, Nico,” you greet, voice quiet.

“Hi, I’m downstairs,” Nico says. “Just wanted to let you know I’m here before I come up.”

“Okay, Nee. I’ll see you soon.” You pull the phone away fom your ear and end the call, standing up to unlock your front door. You return to the couch and when he knocks, you call out to tell him that it’s open.

Nico comes through the door and toes off his shoes. “How was your day?” Nico asks, coming over to the couch to join you. 

“Not bad. I went to work and the gym and then I came home,” you reply. You attempt a smile at Nico when he sits on the couch and circles his fingers around your ankle, rubbing his thumb against your skin. “How was California?”

“I missed you,” Nico says. “It was hard to focus on the games when I was thinking about you. I’m sorry I left after the fight. I wish I hadn’t needed to go. I wanted to stay and make things better.”

The breath leaves your chest in a deep sigh. “It was unfortunate timing.”

“I know,” Nico agrees, nodding. “It gave me a little time to think about what to say to you, which is nice. I know I can’t really make up for what happened last week, but–” Nico takes your hand and grasps it. “I’m sorry I said you weren’t a priority for me. You are. You’re a huge part of my life and I wouldn’t be anywhere without you, supporting me and cheering me on and being there for me every day. I’m sorry I wasn’t more considerate of your feelings.”

You almost want to cry again after hearing him spout this heartfelt apology. Nico sits in front of you and waits, blinking patiently and chewing on his lower lip while you take in his words. The lines under his eyes are deep and you can tell that he lost sleep over something this past week, likely this incident if his words have any truth to them. You nod and reach forward, cradling Nico’s face in your hands. “I’m sorry for not giving you the benefit of the doubt,” you tell Nico. “I know you can’t help that hockey is such a big part of your life. I know you don’t mean to put me on the backburner. I just felt a little neglected and I’m sorry that I accused you of making me an afterthought.”

“You shouldn’t have to apologize because of how you feel,” Nico says. He slides his arm down to your waist. “I was caught up in everything else in my life and didn’t give you the attention you deserve. I never want to make you feel that way again.”

“You won’t,” you say. “I know you won’t.” You lean in and press a chaste kiss to Nico’s lips. After kissing him, you shuffle forward and tuck yourself against his chest. 

Nico pulls you onto his lap and cradles you there, kissing the top and side of your head. He touches as much of your body as he can, rubbing your back and your arms, your waist and your thighs. You breathe together, leaning against each other, and taking in the presence of the other person.

“Please let me show you how much I love you,” Nico requests after a few minutes, caressing your sides and looking at you with his big, brown eyes. “And how sorry I am for acting like I don’t care. I care, babe, I care so much.” He drops a kiss on your forehead, then your cheek. “Please.”

You don’t reply, but you turn your head and find his lips. You touch the scuff on Nico’s face, which he seems to have shaved over his roadie, but it’s starting to grow back. His hair is at risk of being deemed “too long” in his own opinion, so you touch the strands reverently, knowing that they’ll be gone sooner than later. 

“Let me take care of you,” Nico murmurs, dipping down to brush a kiss over your jawline. 

“Okay,” you whisper back, touching the side of Nico’s neck and the curve of his bicep. 

He fits his strong palms under your thighs, lifting you. You wrap your legs around his waist and do your best to distract Nico on his walk to the bedroom. You might still be a little sad about what Nico said a week ago, but the apology worked well enough that you’re trying to let it go. 

Nico lays you on the bed, kissing down your body and undressing you as he goes. His touch is loving, almost overwhelmingly so. He removes his shirt and settles between your legs, kissing from your calf to the inside of your knee, up your thigh and all the way to your hip bone. 

The only sound that fills the room is the shared sigh of relief when Nico connects with your core. As his tongue flattens and licks a stripe up your slit, Nico’s eyes flutter shut and his hands fix on your hips to pull you closer. 

Ninety percent of the time, Nico gets ravenous when he’s eating you out. Today is different. 

His tongue trails through your folds. The tip of the muscle traces every inch of your cunt before he even considers pressing closer. Nico takes his time– he savors the taste of your slick. “Mm, liebste,” Nico groans. “You taste so good.” 

He works his tongue against your cunt, licking around the rim of your entrance before flicking further inside. One of his hands comes to your front, thumb contacting your clit and rubbing soothing circles over it. His other hand travels underneath your body and you let out a startled gasp when his fingers dig into the flesh of your ass, dragging you even closer.

He’s systematic and precise, kitten licking at your insides. He focuses on one part of your body, then another– in this case, he goes from your hole to wrapping his all-consuming lips around your clit and suckling. 

His index finger finds your entrance and soothes the smooth ring, drawing circles over the outline of your most intimate area before you lift your hips into his touch. You’re silently asking for more and Nico understands that, gently pushing his finger inside. Just like with his mouthwork, he’s slow and attentive. 

The pad of Nico’s fingertip feels out your inner walls, welcoming the hug of your cunt around his digit eagerly and repaying you by trying to find that spot inside of you, the one that always makes you see stars. 

His hair has started to fall messily over his forehead, brushing his eyebrows. You find the strands with your hands, clutching at them and moving his head where you need it to be– for all intents and purposes, you keep him mostly aligned with your clit, but the movement of his head provides a friction that pure suction could not offer.

As you do this, his middle finger pokes at your entrance. The first knuckle disappears inside you with little resistance, then Nico starts to work on opening you up. His fingers scissor inside of you, spearing against the gummy ridges of your muscle, preparing you for his cock. 

You clench down a bit at the thought of his member, pleas for the length on the tip of your tongue. You know Nico is thinking about fucking you too, just based on the way he rolls his hips against the mattress and hums. 

He releases your clit from between his lips, which draws a whine of protest from you. Nico chuckles quietly and turns his head, planting a kiss on your inner thigh. Then, he dips his head and twists his wrist so that his palm faces upward. Nico licks between his two fingers, his eyelids open just enough that you can see how he looks up at you and takes you in. 

Nico draws away from your pussy only to ask, “Chunsch du, schatz?” 

He’s teasing you, plucking at an inside joke from when you felt you were brave enough to try to learn Swiss German. Thinking it would be sweet, you’d tried your hand at talking Nico’s native tongue in bed, but your words had just seemed too formal. Still, it’s something you can laugh over. Nico loves to parrot your effort at “Are you coming?” back at you, always smiling fondly when he does.

He’s worked his tongue back between his fingers, looking up at you with raised eyebrows. He waits for you to answer his question, sure to bump his nose against your clit when you open your mouth, so that you produce a moan instead of a sentence. Nico giggles at his little joke, cheeks dimpling and eyes crinkling. He brings his mouth to your clit and kisses over the bud, steadily pumping his fingers to really bring you to orgasm.

You whimper when he works a third thick finger into your entrance, stuffing you full. You know it’s necessary since his cock is also thick, but there’s a dull ache at the first stretch that has you writhing on the bed. 

“I know, I know,” Nico soothes, lathing kiss after kiss to your sensitive center. “But I have to get you all open for me, baby. So you feel good later, hm?” He bends his knuckles and comes into contact with your sweet spot, the rush of pleasure making your back arch involuntarily. Nico notices this and grins, eyes determined and set on continuing this feeling for you.

Your noises grow more slurred with each touch of his fingertips to your walls, especially when he flicks his tongue rapidly over your clit. He’s still teasing you, dangling the climax just out of reach with the way he’ll overwhelm your clit with his tongue and then slow down, licking flat stripes along the parts of your slit that he can reach. 

“Nico,” you lament with a frown when he pulls away again, just as you were about to come.

“Sorry,” Nico apologizes with a crinkle-eyed smile. He captures your clit and keeps his mouth there, beckoning his fingers and creating a vacuum around the bundle of nerves at the apex of your vagina. This time, he doesn’t let up– he goes and goes and goes until your hands have found their way back to his hair and pull so hard that there’s a stinging sensation along Nico’s scalp.

He allows his eyes to drift shut again, free hand dancing up your body until he finds your tits, finally giving them the attention that he feels they deserve. With a few harsh gropes, a pinch or two to your nipple, and even a tug at your chest, you’re unraveling over Nico’s digits and making your situation very well known to your neighbors.

“Bravo, süsse,” Nico praises over the heaving of your chest. He stays in contact with your center, but slows his movements to something that keeps you teetering on the precipice of pleasure rather than in the throws of it. “Do you think you’re ready for my cock?”

“Yes,” you rasp out, reaching for Nico and catching him by his biceps. You coax him forward, palms sliding up to his jawline. You lick over the seam of Nico’s lips and taste yourself already, the flavor of your cum only growing stronger when Nico parts his lips and slides his tongue against yours. “Fuck me, Nico.”

“Mm, hase, I’m not going to fuck you,” Nico corrects. “I’m going to take care of you. And you’re going to take care of me.”

While you were ready to protest the first part of his statement, your mouth quickly snaps shut when he finishes speaking. You lay back against the pillows, propping your head up, and you bring Nico with you. His body blankets yours, shifting atop you as he tries to remove his bottoms with one hand. His other roams on your torso, stroking the curves of your sides and stomach.

“So schön,” Nico murmurs.

“So beautiful,” you repeat, thumbing over his cheekbone. 

Nico reaches between your bodies and lines himself up with your entrance. Just like before, he moves slowly. He moves with purpose. You can feel every inch of Nico’s length as it sinks into you. 

When you roll your head back to let out a soft moan, Nico seizes the opportunity to paint a series of open-mouthed kisses on your neck. “I love you so much,” he mumbles against your skin. He rolls his hips, filling you further. “So much.”

“I love you too,” you reply, hands scrambling for purchase on the expanse of his back when Nico’s tip brushes against the cartilaginous wall of your cervix. He knocks against that wall again on his next thrust forward, only drawing out about halfway before snapping forward suddenly. 

Regardless of how he fills you, his movements are still tinged with reverence and tenderness. Nico holds you like something that will break under the pressure of his fingertips, but he’s still desperate to keep you close. He’ll let his hips fall flush with yours and remain there sometimes, then other times he’ll roll and snap his hips like your lives depend on it. 

You know that there was once an argument between you, but all that matters is the fact that Nico is here and he’s doing exactly what he promised he’d do: take care of you.

His hand finds your arm, then trails up to your wrist. He presses your wrist into the cushion above your head, but doesn’t stop there. He brings his fingers up to your palm, tracing over the lines that represent your love and your life. He slots his fingers between yours and intertwines your fingers, holding your hand tight as he continues to thrust into you. He repeats the same process on the other side, until both of your hands are wrapped in his. He pins you to the bed, but you feel only safe and secure, not trapped in the slightest. 

“You’re so tight around me, baby,” Nico says, ending his statement with a kiss. His voice is low and rough, breathless and nearly spent due to the tango you’re performing now. “Gonna fill you up, fill you ‘til all of my love is dripping out of you.”

You were already overwhelmed, but when he said that– and then nibbled your bottom lip after– you feel a dam break inside of you. You come suddenly and without warning, jaw dropping. A high keen falls from your mouth, only to be met with a coo from Nico and a deep grunt as he continues to fuck into your even tighter entrance. 

The squeeze of your cunt around Nico’s cock is enough to make him come too, the white spurts of cum filling your hole just like he’d promised. You can feel Nico trembling a bit from the aftershocks, your chest meeting his as you arch up into his touch and he deflates from exhaustion. He covers you just like a warm comforter and kisses you lazily, both of you wanting to stay connected after such an intense reunion.

You feel satiated, calm and happy that Nico came to you when he returned instead of going home and basking in the misery of the argument from a week prior. You certainly feel better now, after having gone through the throes of that low point in your relationship.

“Mm,” Nico hums, like he remembered something suddenly. His head tilts and he kisses along the crook of your neck. “During the break in February, I thought you’d like to come home with me. We can have a little couples vacation at home, just you and me. How does that sound?”

“Amazing, Nico,” you tell him, smoothing his hair beneath your fingertips. “That sounds amazing.”

note: read a stoner!nico fic recently that Cece reblogged and I tweaked. thinking of y'all! i think you'll see nico a lot sooner on this blog than you expect... perhaps a little "nico x ____ x reader".....

[bengiyo]

BL 2024 Review

It’s been another year of BL. I wrote a review of 2023 and 2022, and I find myself struggling to write about this year. I feel like I had some incredible projects that I connected with this year, but I also found myself far more bored and frustrated with certain things than I was expecting. The most disheartening thing this year for me was the drop off in the number of quality Korean productions, and the end of my patience with Thai BL squandering viewer time and attention. Let’s get into some of the big ideas.

Japan is Still Here

Last year I commented that a third of all Japanese BL I had ever watched came out in 2023. We got even more this year, and we had longer runtimes! This is good for the kind of viewer I am. I find that I enjoy Japanese shows more often than any other BL-producing country, and they held down the bulk of my watching for the year.

This year I was blessed with two shows tackling a similar premise (actors falling for each other as they film a BL) and they were both good! I loved I Became The Main Role of a BL Drama so much, and we’re getting a sequel in 2025! I wasn’t sure if I would enjoy a moodier take on this premise when At 25:00 in Akasaka showed up, but I ended up enjoying that, too!

I properly watched Ossan’s Love and The Novelist at the start of this year, and I’m so glad I did, because goddamn did I enjoy Ossan’s Love Returns.

I also remain thankful for Tadaima Okaeri and Twilight Out of Focus for giving us worthwhile BL anime.

I'm thankful for Perfect Propose for giving me a man in his mid-20s leaving his horrible job after getting fed and jerked off by an old friend.

I'm thankful for Takara no Vidro for unpacking obsession in a relationship and solving it with healthy communication.

Finally, I'm thankful for Love is Like a Poison for blending a legal drama with a BL so effortlessly, and making it such a fun ride. I love that Shiba Ryoma can't fight for shit and was so down bad for his man.

The Cross-Cultural Adaptations Brought Out Great Discussion

I was glad we got Cherry Magic Thailand and My Love Mix Up Thailand this year in the order in which we got them. It was useful because they both came from GMMTV, and I had opposite reactions to both. I loved what they did with Cherry Magic, and stand by what I said on the podcast that I think it’s the best version of Cherry Magic (even if the anime is my favorite). This was useful, because I was really put off by the attempt at My Love Mix Up, and think they got a lot wrong. I’m glad the good show came first so I didn’t feel like I was being a Japanese version stan.

Adapting from danmei, I really wanted to like My Stand In, but bounced off the show not taking the horror of Joe’s situation seriously. Moreover, I think the commerce of the BL pair required them to soften and redeem Up’s character in a way that felt disingenuous for me. I wanted that man to be unhinged and far more toxic than they portrayed him. If this is the trend, I’d rather Thai teams invested in BL pair commerce avoid toxic danmei in the future.

In Taiwan, I was so impressed with Unknown. Despite the missteps on the sexual turn, that was one of the most engaging dramas we had within the genre this year. I was impressed at how seriously they took their family dynamics. That being said, Meet Me at the Blossom didn’t land for me. I would very much like to see a wuxia BL that hits for me without the dubious and non-consensual bits.

Over in Japan, I don’t think I’m enjoying Our Youth that much, and I wonder about whether certain aspects of the source material didn’t translate properly with some of the changes I’ve seen mentioned by viewers. It’s been a difficult experience, because I loved the scene of Minase fleeing Hirukawa’s room, but the show has really lost its emotional core for me.

However, I actually really enjoyed the Japanese version of Love in the Air, and think MeMindY timed this well with The Boy Next World starting right as the last episode of Love in the Air Japan finishes. It was clear to me that the Thai team was involved in the adaptation, and that the makers of the Japanese version loved LITA. I think both versions bring out something noteworthy in the characters, and I hope that the show is successful so we get more work from MeMindY as a result of the connections made here, because it’s clear that the money situation in Thailand might not be so hot right now.

Thai and Korean Money Must Be Drying Up

We’ve been wondering when the BL peak would hit and the decline would begin, and I think we’re starting to see some of those changes. I worry about how little we got from Korea this year, despite three incredible showings from Love for Love’s Sake, Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo, and Love in the Big City. Beyond those three, I don’t really feel like anyone missed out that much on the other offerings (maybe Time of Fever, but I have qualms with that show).

Beyond that, I remain worried about how much talent has consolidated at GMMTV. It’s a worrisome sign that they continue to gobble up all of the talent. Regardless of personal tastes for a particular brand of BGP (business gay performance), it’s pretty bad for all of us when one corporation is the only one making money on boys kissing each other (@respectthepetty).

Despite how much Thai BL I dropped, I did genuinely enjoy the relationship and friendship dynamics of Cooking Crush, Knock Knock Boys, Love Sea, and The Trainee.

The Gay Things I Loved

Enough musing. Let’s just talk about other things that I loved. This is the section where I beg you to watch the gay things that matter to me, and not just the boys whose IG reels get reposted here.

I absolutely loved the entire experience of the Love in the Big City book club. When @lurkingshan pitched the idea, I had no idea how many people would earnestly participate, that Anton Hur would share his time with us, or that the show would actually be so good. LITBC was so good that conservative Koreans protested its airing. I loved everything we did this year around that book and show, and wanna say thanks again to everyone who engaged with us.

I also adored Marahuyo Project. I love that ANIMA Studios didn’t end after Like in the Movies. JP Habac came back with a banger. That show said it was LGBTQIA+ and it meant it with its whole heart. I really loved this show as a true examination of the evolving landscape of youth queerness in the modern era more than anything else I watched this year. Go watch it.

I did not expect a show about a reformed misogynist to be my favorite show of the year, but here I am still begging all of you to watch Don’t Care For An Old Man’s Underwear! (@isaksbestpillow)This show made me cry every single week because of how good every moment hit. I have rarely experienced such an immense feeling of compassion as I received from this show.

In 2022, we watched She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat, and we wondered if NHK would come back and finish what they started, and goddamn did they deliver. I think about Nomoto and Kasuga about as much as I think about Shiro and Kenji (What Did You Eat Yesterday?) now, and if Japan doesn’t figure out a way for both of those couples to meet, I will be forever disappointed. Go watch it. (@furritsubs)

Finally, I will be forever thinking about the confession through the wall in Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo, how they intercut the youth and adult sex, and the way Dohoe apologized to Hyeonho. Hwang Da Seul finally got all of the pieces right here. She loves to see a couple get back together after a big separation, and she succeeded here. This show earned its youth romance, and earned its reunion. She understands how important it is for gay people to stop trapping each other. We threw that cross in the trash, and cried because of Yahoo answers. We all won.

My Tastes are Changing

Last year I engaged with about 99 productions. This year it’s under 75 with 26 that I didn’t finish. I hesitate to say that the genre is getting worse, when I feel like things are where they’ve been for a long time. However, it’s clear that I’m changing and am less interested in seeing what I deem to be weak attempts at familiar storytelling tropes.

I think what I’ve noticed the most about my tastes changing is that it’s making me write less. The fandom has contracted dramatically on Tumblr, and I find myself growing distant from the predominant reactions. With there being less people to vibe with, I’ve been reacting less in real time. Despite that, I hope to continue posting round ups with my BL blurbs and @the-conversation-pod.

All in all, 2024 is a difficult year for me. I think I enjoyed BL less overall, but the things I did enjoy I enjoyed more than previous years. It’s a difficult space for me to navigate, because I think this is actually what I wanted. I will continue to appreciate that the BL genre enables the funding for the big gay projects that I love. So, even if I think GMMTV going literally all-in on BL is going to lead to a ton of garbage, I still remain hopeful that the homos with something interesting to say can make the projects they want.

[enden-agolor]

i fucking LOVE the way you draw/write jesse, as someone with a chubby/buff build i kind of struggle with insecurities about my size but the way you draw him makes me feel very good. idk im describing it badly but i wanted to ask if your design for him is more chubby or muscly?

Dude thank you 🥺🩵 You described it very well.

It really depends on which time frame I'm drawing Jesse in actually.

In the beginning, I imagine Jesse is quite scrawny. I mean did you see his work out routine in the beginning? He was was doing sit ups and punching flowers. He was definitely lacking muscle (but had enough to be able to lift Reuben up and down that ladder) and as the first couple episodes progress, he stays scrawny but progressively becomes more scarred up until the Portal Hallway episodes.

The Portal Hallway episodes, it takes place many months after the events of the Witherstorm. Jesse and his friends are going on many more adventures, really honing their skills that they acquired over the past few months. Jesse is much more built now. He's buff and tough with the true heart of a hero. Although, once he and his friends get stuck in the Portal Hall, that's when things take a really devastating turn for him. Feeling hopeless and lost for weeks on end, he begins to feel withdrawn from the positivity he was feeling before he ended up stuck here. Traumatic events keep occuring, and with these events, Jesse is of course drawn to remember and replay the events of Reuben's death in his head. He keeps the most of these feelings to himself because his group is already feeling so disheartened about their current situation that the last thing he'd want for them is to know that he's breaking emotionally, so he ends up taking less care of himself. He starts eating with the idea that he has to stay strong for his friends, but even those moments are rare. Food is scarce depending on what portal they are in, so when he finds food, he'll take anything that will keep his energy and strengths up.

By the end of it all, he's actually put on a significant amount of muscle. But it's kind of like a 'at what cost?' scenario.

Things get a bit better for him between then and Season 2 where he's eating better again and keeping all that muscle, but once Season 2 comes and goes, and with everything that happens in the Sunshine Institute and the Underneath, he loses a lot of weight.

It's only after Season 2, where he stays in BeaconTown and eventually finds a love life with Lukas when he really begins putting on weight once again. He's done with hero work. He's done with going on crazy life threatening adventures. Now he just wants to live life for himself rather than putting others first. Lukas helps him a lot through this, with body positivity and lots of love and affectionate touch, it's all the reassurance Jesse has ever needed to feel okay with being himself again. So he ends up putting on that happy weight that couples typically adopt over time when they're in a healthy relationship. Lukas treats him so, so unbelievably well. Finally Jesse gets to eat food for himself without the idea of needing to keep himself strong and powerful once he's finally retired. He indulges himself in his sweet tooth and loves to eat cookies, cakes, and other baked goods that Lukas will bake or bring home. He also really enjoys the fact that he doesn't have to eat alone anymore. He loves sitting at the table and enjoying a meal with his hubby. And the best part, which is something Jesse was horribly self conscious about, is that Lukas loves and adores his pudge. He is so supportive of Jesse's eating habits, but he doesn't hesitate to sneak veggies and fruits into Jesse's lunch box for work.

So yeah uh Jesse is chubby, buff and loved at the end of it all 😍

Here's some lil doodles of him I have lying around. The first one is pretty old and could probably use a touch up since now I don't see much of a difference, but you get the point ☠️

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Ryan Adamczeski at The Advocate:

It’s not lost on transgender youth that they “shouldn't have to feel like this” after an election.

President-elect Donald Trump will soon begin his second term, which already poses greater threats to the LGBTQ+ community than his first – particularly to the trans community, which has seen skyrocketing attacks on their bathroom use, sports participation, health care, and beyond in just the past few years, most of which has targeted youth. As restrictive state laws stand on the brink of becoming national, lawmakers and many in the mainstream media refuse to consider the voices of actual trans people. To bridge this gap, The Advocate asked young trans people about the biggest challenges facing them – and what the rest of us can do to help. The respondents are remaining anonymous out of an abundance of caution for their personal safety. Trans youth shared a widespread sense of exhaustion and disillusionment when Trump’s victory was announced. C, an 18-year-old trans woman, said that she “was able to vote for the first time, and I was really excited because it was my first time.” For those her age, today’s era of polarization and opportunism has been their introduction to politics.

[...]

These youth are acutely aware of how they had to come of age in an era hostile to their existence, in which the elected officials tasked with protecting them have instead used their power to hurt them. To S, a 20-year-old trans man, “it's exhausting to feel like our existence is constantly up for debate,” and it’s “really disheartening to see political leaders targeting people like me.” Still, he says he won’t let it stop him from doing the work that needs to be done. “As much as sometimes I just want to wallow in those feelings, I also feel really determined and almost inspired. I'm inspired by the resilience of the trans community and our allies,” S says. “Every day I'm seeing people stand up to push against the misunderstanding and hate towards our community, whether it's through advocacy and education, work, or simply living authentically.” The biggest concerns trans youth have now are access to gender-affirming care, and safety. As someone who “passes,” D says that he’s not as worried about a random assault as much as he is about having to hide who he is just to participate in his community.

[...]

S also voiced extreme concern over a potential national gender-affirming care ban, as he says “legislation that targets healthcare access, such as gender firming care bans, is life-threatening for transgender individuals.” This is true – The American Medical Association, the American Psychiatric Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, the World Medical Association, and the World Health Organization all agree that gender-affirming care is evidence-based and medically necessary for both adults and youth. Beyond the effect a ban would have on mental health, S worries “about the mental health toll of living under constant attack, especially for transgender and nonbinary youth who might not have the love and support that they deserve from their communities.” Now is the time that he believes “more than ever, trans and nonbinary youth need unwavering support and affirmation from their family, friends, and community.” “What people can do is just support our trans and nonbinary peers and friends, let them know that we're in this battle together, because constant support is needed,” C adds. “Ensure that we still feel like we belong and that we are loved, even during these really difficult times that we're going to experience.” “It's really important that people see us as just human, because we have so many things that excite us. I don't want people to only see that there's only one thing to meet, because I'm so much more than that,” she continues. However, there is only so much that interpersonal support can do in the face of legislative attacks. S says that “from elected officials, trans youth need policies that prioritize their safety and well-being, such as policy supporting access to proper health care and protection in schools and even beyond.” He believes officials also need to play a bigger role in the ongoing culture war by “amplifying positive narratives about trans people and actively working to combat the misinformation that fuels the discrimination and hate towards individuals like me.”

The Advocate has a must-read story on the terrifying impact of anti-trans policies the GOP trifecta under Trump will harmfully impact trans youths.

[milliesfishes]

Hii! First I wanted to tell you that I've been reading almost every fic you posted and, omg, I love all of them! I really like your style, your writing is really good! 💖

I was wondering if you are okay with me sharing an idea with you. You don't have to write it if you don't like it!

I was thinking about something where Billy and reader are in a relationship but she struggles with showing affection. She does love Billy, of course, but she just can't show physical affection. Every time they kiss, when they hold hands, when they hug, it is always Billy who initiates the physical contact. Maybe she isn't able to do it because she has a trauma or she was never shown love during her childhood... or maybe she's just a tough girl, idk, it could be anything. Billy understands her and waits for her to learn, that's why he always is kissing her, hugging her, etc (of course she's okay with it, he would never do something she doesn't want him to do) but imagine his surprise when one day she touches his hair and caresses it, then another day she hugs him from behind when he's working on something, then when they're walking down the street she grabs his hand... his heart would be this 👌 close to exploding omg he loves her so much and she's finally learning how to show him she loves him too 😭

꣑ৎ౨ৎOrdinary Things꣑ৎ౨ৎ

[fem reader] contains: pure fluff <3 pairing: billy the kid x fem reader summary: you have a hard time initiating touch and billy shows you how author’s note: anon, this is the sweetest thing, and you’re the sweetest thing and I’ve been thinking about this ever since you sent it <3 Pinterest Board Spotify Playlist

Easing you in. That's what Billy reminded himself to do with you, always. Ease you in.

He didn’t mean to baby you, not really. It just came so naturally. Like right now, he had you in bed with your head on his chest while he ran his fingers through your hair, soothing you to sleep.

If you’d been dropped on his lap directly from heaven you couldn’t have been more perfect. Achingly sweet with a heart of gold, you brightened his life like nobody else had. No words could properly express his adoration, no description ever seemed to be enough.

He would put you in his pocket if he could. The day you walked into his life, you changed it forever and he had absolutely no desire to go back to whatever baseless existence he’d been floating around in beforehand.

Unfortunately, even though love was perfect, that meant nothing else could be.

As time and trust stacked on top of each other and built you enough courage, you confessed to Billy the nature of your past. Manipulation and less than ideal tactics had ruled your being for a lot longer than he’d been around. You were naturally sweet, and it was a miracle your wonder hadn’t been squashed by the demeaning nature in which you’d been raised.

Truly, you were miraculous. He could never dream of seeing you any other way. The fact that you knew how to love at all was nothing short of amazing. Billy thanked higher powers every day for that, even if there were other things that were difficult.

Due to your rough upbringing, you struggled the most with touching in any capacity. At first it had been harder. He’d reach for you and you’d flinch just a little, which was disheartening, but he knew it wasn’t about him. There were ghosts in front of your eyes.

With patience and coaxing, you were able to move past that. You allowed his touches, even encouraged them, came to be comforted by them. His happiness at this fact could not be understated. Because Billy loved touching you in any way; holding you, kissing you, hugging you. It was his protective nature, but also his way of showing love.

And he never wanted you to doubt that he loved you.

For where you’d been, you’d come a long way. As his fingers brushed through your hair, he was reminded of that. A year ago it would have been unthinkable, having you like this with your head on his chest, his heart beating against your ear.

It was onto the next stage now.

A product of the rejection you’d faced in your childhood, you were never the initiator of any touching. Hand holding, kisses, hugging. Even with how you were right now, he’d pulled you in and you hadn’t resisted. Anything that had happened before had been a result of him reading you and recognizing that you wanted to be touched. But you’d never admit it.

Exhausting his options in his head over and over, Billy resolved that the only right thing to do in this scenario was to love on you. To give you constant affection and get you used to it and show you it was okay.

And that was the easy part. Whenever he had an opportunity to be touching you he was. In public it could be subtle as an arm around your shoulders, or his fingers intertwined with yours. Every little bit helped.

When you were alone, he gave you even more, his arms encircling you nearly always. Gentle kisses were pressed to every inch of you, accompanied by muttered words that made you smile. He was pulling you onto his lap at every chance, showing you that it was okay, that he wanted you to touch him, but also that he was okay with waiting for you to be completely comfortable.

It had taken a lot of build up to be able to get the opportunity to make love to you for the first time, and it was not something he’d taken lightly. Billy knew that it was a privilege he could not mess up for the fear of scaring you away. So he’d taken it as slow as he could, making sure to tell you how beautiful you were, to make his movements careful, to make sex out to be a positive thing. It turned out to be another stepping stone that brought you closer to him, which he was thankful for.

After that first night, you became clingy. Billy was more than happy to accommodate this, enjoying the warm kisses and morning cuddles that came along. But still, it was always him reaching out first, him running his hand along your back and getting you to roll over.

And that was okay. For you, his girl, his baby, his angel, he’d wait a million years and then some. He knew in your heart you were a lover, just like him, and you weren’t withholding this side of you out of cruelty. It just didn’t occur to you. Maybe it was even a way of protecting yourself.

So in the meantime, right here in his bed he relished your presence, the way you were swaddled in his sheets so comfortably, bare underneath and trying to be modest. It was endearing, more adorable than anything in the world. With one arm under you and holding you close and the other still stroking your hair, he kissed your head and whispered, “I love you.”

Time was on the side of all things good and true, and Billy knew that well.

Living an oulaw’s life, he had long given up on the idea of having a girl, let alone one so good as you.

When he met you riding in the rain one day, he’d fallen hard and fast and nearly right away. But he hadn’t expected anything to come of it. Now, a year later, he couldn’t imagine what his life would be without you.

You had enchanted him, captivated his whole being; body, mind, and soul. Nothing he’d experienced had ever come close to the feeling of even being near you.

Until you finally touched him first.

It had been ever so casual. The two of you had been relaxing side by side under one of your favorite spots under a tree in a nearby meadow. He had one arm loosely looped around you, sticking to his idea of keeping you close.

Then he felt your fingers in his hair, touching him hesitantly, then more purposefully. He froze, but didn’t react too much in fear of startling you.

You had never done anything like that before. Since he was touching you on your midsection, normally you would have only touched him there too, a sort of give and take.

But here you were, fingers running contently through his curls, which he was thankful he’d washed recently. He smiled to himself, and nuzzled a little more into you because it felt so good.

That was the first fruit of his labors.

The next happened when he was outside, mending a fence on the property. It was close to sundown, and already he could see the sky starting to turn pink and orange and purple.

Billy heard your soft footsteps behind him, and he was about to say something when suddenly he felt a soft pair of arms wrap around his waist, and then you were pressed to his back. With your head between his shoulder blades he could have sworn he felt a kiss buried there.

He wanted to laugh or cry tears of joy but he didn’t. Determinedly casual, he allowed a smile since you couldn’t see him, and said, “Hey, baby. Doin’ alright?”

You nodded into his back. “Uh huh.”

Right away he finished what he was doing with the fence and turned around, sliding his arms around you and picking you up off your feet so you were at eye level. He pecked your nose, his happiness nearly brimming over. “Hi pretty.”

“Hi,” you smiled shyly and he could have melted.

Shifting you so his hand was under your bottom and your legs were encircling him, he kissed you softly, once. “You hungry? I can make us something.”

That made you smile. “And we can cuddle afterward?”

Oh it was like you were trying to turn him into a stuttering puddle of pure joy. “Yeah honey,” he murmured, giving you another kiss for that. “We’ll cuddle all night.”

You had finally touched him first.

But, ever the realist, he waited a bit before not counting it as a fluke. Of course he trusted you and loved you but he also didn’t want to be unrealistic, wanting to meet you where you were at, not where he wanted you to be.

Then one day when the two of you were walking through town you reached for his hand, holding it firmly once it was in your grasp. And that night in bed after putting your nightdress on, you crawled over to him and fitted your body between his legs so you could rest your head on his chest, knowing he loved holding you that way.

The next morning, when he woke, he started to stroke your hair, the memories of the previous night warming him from the inside out, his heart fuller than ever.

It nearly burst when you looked up sleepily and leaned in to kiss him once, those big baby doll eyes looking up at him almost questioningly after.

Billy wouldn’t have been able to hold back his smile if he wanted to.

He slid his hand to the back of your head and pressed another series of kisses to your lips, your cheeks, your nose; anywhere he could reach.

You giggled a little, keeping your arms around his neck as he took you around the waist and rolled you over so he was hovering over you for better access. “Billy…what’s this for?”

He kissed you once on the mouth, his eyes roving over yours with a tenderness he couldn’t have described. “I love you.”

Softly, you let your hand slide up and tangle in his hair, and in your smile he somehow knew that you knew what he meant. “I love you too, Billy.”

It hadn’t happened overnight, and he wasn’t expecting you to suddenly be all over him. Not right away. But now you had a new way of showing him you loved him. Now he’d made you feel safe enough to touch him, kiss him, caress him when you wanted.

And it brought him nothing but happiness. Because he wanted to give you everything. You deserved everything he was capable of handing to you, and everything more.

Billy leaned down and kissed you with all the love he could summon. “Sweetheart. Baby.” he nudged his nose against yours. “My angel.”

You reached up for another kiss and he knew at that moment he would never get over it. Never get used to this feeling of utter love and adoration every time he was kissed or touched or loved on by you.

And he never wanted to.

[k-tarotz]

https://www.tumblr.com/k-tarotz/772594840477351936/would-enhypen-be-the-type-to-cheat-on-their-so?source=share

This for skz please

yk what? hell yeah

bang chan

seven of cups, ten of wands, knight of wands

no, but isn’t the most loyal

I don’t think so, but he would definitely be tempted by people at times. hot people. I don’t think he would cheat, because he definitely is pretty much an over thinker and would carry that guilt with himself for the rest of his life since he is a sensitive person, but he would pretty much be turned on by other people even if he is in a relationship already. sorta like the saying ‘doesn’t matter what starts the engine because he parks in the right garage’. wouldn’t tell his partner though, in order to avoid a fight. I also do think that he might struggle with something related to porn. I don’t think it’s an addiction, I wouldn’t call it that, but he would feel insanely guilty watching that if he is in a relationship. he seems aware that to some it isn’t a big deal, he just tends to overthink it quite a bit.

lee know

nine of swords, three of cups, seven of swords, the world, six of swords

hell nah.

he views cheating as such a dishonest and vile thing to do. I am pretty sure that he has already been cheated on before and it sort of destroyed his whole world for a while; caused him to be depressed. of course he got out of that depression with the help of close friends, (maybe some members actually), but he remembers how much it sucked. it’s like he can’t imagine putting someone through that himself when it took him so long to get over it. so just no. he feels too deeply for that to ever be on his radar.

changbin

ten of cups, queen of cups, six of swords, seven of swords

sort of

okay, I don’t think he would but I don’t think he is completely repulsed by the idea. realistically, he knows it’s not worth to do it but might playfully flirt with random strangers or colleagues. I say playful because he would paint it as a joke, and he would actually make jokes as well. ‘don’t let your girlfriend stop you from finding your wife’ type of vibes. not that he would make it physical or fall in love with someone else but he would check other people out for sure, but unlike chan he sorta has no shame. I do think since physical cheating is normalised in korea he wouldn’t view being ‘playful’ like that as cheating, even if his thoughts would stray.

hyunjin

four of cups, king of swords, ten of wands

no, not his thing.

if someone ever suggested for him to cheat on the person he loves dearly it would sit so heavily on his heart. in his eyes if you cheat you do not appreciate what you have, the love that someone else gives you. to him it’s nothing more than mistreating someone you love, who has put their whole trust in you just for a few moments of sexual pleasure. to him, it’s genuinely a thing that’s dumb, something that reveals someone’s actual character. if the love is real you would never even think of doing that, you know? and he would never date someone who he isn’t ready to give his heart to. he is simply just smarter than that, in his own eyes. his goal in life is to love in a way that’s real and sincere, if cheating were to come up in his relationship in anyway he would be incredibly disheartened.

han

three of pentacles, strength, three of wands

yes.

I cannot put it in a nicer way, his motive for cheating would just be ‘exploring his options’. it’s like he doesn’t want to limit himself and explore his opportunities, even though he knows it’s something wrong to do. I think that motivates him even more? perhaps turns him on even, because he knows he shouldn’t do it but ‘can’t help himself from doing it’. he absolutely could, don’t get him wrong, that’s just something he tells himself. I believe his main reason for this is the fact that it feeds his ego, which makes him more confident. especially if the person doesn’t even notice they have been cheated on. ‘bonus points’ if they are older than him. overall really immature with it.

felix

two of swords, five of swords, the moon, four of pentacles

just no

absolutely not, it wouldn’t ever even be on his radar. not on his mind, wouldn’t ever occur to him to do that; even during the hardest of times in the relationship. he is more mature than that, cheating in general is a huge turn off and he views it as childish. it gives the vibe off ‘I don’t have time to play these games’. would definitely even break up at the mere threat of cheating, or the first solid evidence his partner thinking about it. he has a very ‘no nonsense’ energy, definitely confused about why anyone would ever do that. it’s not an entitled energy, it’s just not anything he ever had the desire to do or even thought of doing, so he views it as a childish act.

seungmin

two of swords, six of swords, death

no lol

I had to “fight” for a third card to fall out because his energy is simply like ‘did I stutter? I already said no’. honestly what a king. either way, he wouldn’t cheat simply because if there is ever a problem in a relationship his immediate desire is to fix it and work on it together, as a team, not create more problems. besides, even if he would have the opportunity to do so he would simply not notice it at all. when he is in a relationship he only sees his partner, and no one else. it wouldn’t even be a possibility, because it wouldn’t be a part of his reality. if there is a problem he just wants to start fresh with his love, not possibly ruin his life and delay happiness he could experience. at the worst case scenario he would just choose to value himself and break up with the person.

i.n

the chariot, strength, queen of pentacles, six of cups, four of pentacles

yes but no?

he is pretty childish with it, but still very responsible, at least he tries to be. he wouldn’t ever cheat out of a desire to cheat, but he would at times flirt with people to make his s/o jealous. not because he is attracted to the person or wants his partner to feel insecure, nothing along those lines.. how do I say this? it’s kind of like a smug energy, done because he knows it will piss his s/o off but that’s not exactly his end goal. his end goal is to have jealous/make up sex with his partner. it’s more exciting and rough, whatever that means. so in that sense it’s childish, but he wouldn’t be sexually or romantically attracted to anybody else. prolly something be would grow out of if he dates someone that is more mature than he is.

not at all what I expected, changbin and jeongin what the hell 🔥🔥🔥 I don’t got no words for han y’all can make up your own opinions 🤧 either way don’t take this too seriously, at the end of the day they can all change anytime.. 🩷

– Candy

[katsu28]

hi my lovely kait!

i saw your requests were open and i actually was thinking about if ive ever requested smth from you before (i think maybe once but im not sure)

i was wondering if i could get ‘Kissing away their tears’ with charles but i wouldn’t mind if you wanted to do it with anyone else as well! i’ve been craving some hurt/comfort.

love you and have an amazing day <33

hali!!! love u love u thank u for being so sweet <3 here's some hurt and (hopefully) some comfort for u!

charles leclerc x reader, 1.4k. request something from here!

You can tell that Charles is dejected the moment he climbs out of the car. He doesn’t have that spring in his step he usually gets after an exhilarating race, and his feet drag on the asphalt as he trudges over to the weighing station with the rest of the grid, barring the podium goers. 

Carlos finished high up in the points, which is a win for Ferrari and you know Charles is happy for him, but you can’t imagine what it must feel like to constantly miss out on points and positions while his teammate consistently comes out in the top five every time. 

Formula One is a different breed of competition—your teammate might be your friend, but they’re also one of your biggest rivals. You fight to keep your seat, race after race, season after season, and this downhill spiral Charles has been in ever since his home win has been disheartening to say the least. 

You don’t know much about the strategy of it all, but you know Ferrari’s hasn’t been working out for him. He’s had a rough go of it lately, and your heart hurts for him. 

Charles looks up to where he knows you are, lifting his hand in a haphazard wave at you before being ushered away to the media pen. You’ll wait for him where you always meet him after races.

Somehow, he looks even more defeated than before as he trudges into his driver room after post race interviews conclude. He throws his paddock pass off to the side. You’re sitting up on the countertop, legs swinging mindlessly, only stilling when Charles shuts the door behind him. 

“Hey,” You say softly, gently. 

“Hi. Thank you for coming.” He tries his attempt at a smile, but it doesn't reach his eyes. You hold out your arms, and immediately, Charles steps forward, folding himself into your embrace. You know Charles well enough to know that he won't believe you if you compliment him right now, so you don’t. You sit with him in the heavy silence instead, waiting for him to make the first move. “I’m sorry I could not do better.” 

“You did the best you could with what you were given, Charles,” You say assuringly, rubbing a hand over his shoulders. He sighs long and hard, like you’re just telling him what he wants to hear. “I’m proud of you.” 

“Can we just go back to the hotel now?” He asks quietly, muffled because of how his face is buried into your neck. “I’m done for today. Anything else can wait until tomorrow.” 

“Of course,” You hum, carding a gentle hand through his hair one more time before releasing him. Before he can get too far, you kiss him, short and sweet. He smiles then too, a little bigger than before, but still quite sad. 

Charles puts on a pleasant facade as you make your way through the paddock back to the car park, taking pictures with waiting fans, signing things for them if he can reach them like most drivers do whilst leaving the track. Most of them are sweet to him. They tell him to keep his head up and believe, that a few bad races don’t discredit how talented of a driver he is. 

There’s a few hecklers as usual, upset fans who’d made bets on Charles’ performance and lost that money, people who say he could be doing so much better—as if them telling him that would magically make everything alright again. You give your own deadpan stare to that lot from where you hover a good distance away from him, not caring that they can definitely see you. 

Charles may be media trained, but you’re not. You have no problems with shutting up a few twats with your expertly crafted death glare. Fred Vasseur might call you in for a meeting with the PR team if he sees the photos on social media, but you don’t care. 

The car ride back to the hotel is understandably silent, but Charles still holds your hand tightly, rubbing absentminded circles along your skin because it soothes him, every so often lifting it to press a kiss to your knuckles. You don’t push him to talk, and you don’t think you need to. You know him well enough to know he’ll let you in when he’s ready. 

Dinner is room service and holds a little more conversation, though you can tell Charles is still off in his own world, thinking about everything that’s gone wrong these past few races, wondering if he could’ve done anything to get a better outcome. 

You come out of the bathroom after brushing your teeth, well and ready to go to sleep and forget this day, but instead you find your boyfriend sitting at the end of the bed, hunched over with his head in his hands. At the sound of the door opening, he looks up, and you can tell he’s been trying hard not to cry. 

Glassy eyes stare back at you, the beautiful green eyes that you adore filled with so much pain and sadness it makes you want to cry too. His teeth dig hard into his bottom lip, but it still wobbles just the slightest. 

It isn’t until you’re across the room, sliding on your knees to hug him against you that the final string holding Charles up snaps, and he leans into you heavily, pressing his face against your shoulder with a shuddering breath. He cries and cries, and you let him, holding him as tight as you can just so he knows you’ve got him. 

You’ve always got him. 

His body shakes with silent sobs, hot tears soaking into your shirt, and all you can do is murmur quiet reassurances into his ear, even if the feeling of wet cotton against your skin makes you want to peel yourself out of it. Charles needs this, needs to let it all out so he can focus on what lies ahead without being dragged down by the past. 

Eventually, his sobs come to a hiccupping stop. He lifts his head, red rimmed eyes meeting your own tearful ones. His nose is even running a little bit, and if it were anyone else you’d push them away, but it’s Charles. “I’m sorry. I don’t—I don’t know why…” He trails off without finishing his sentence, seemingly at a loss for words. 

“Oh, my love,” You sigh, stroking both thumbs over the apples of his cheeks. You press your lips against his, hoping it can convey just how much you love him without you having to even utter the words, wiping away his tears gently before drawing back to look at him. As much as you hate it when Charles cries, he’s pretty like this. Tears cling to long, dark lashes, mussed hair a soft tornado of brown from how your fingers had been running through it. “You have nothing to be sorry for. And you never have to explain anything to me, yes? I’m here for you, always, no matter what.”

“Thank you,” He murmurs, leaning back in with his forehead against yours. “Thank you, mon amour. Your support, your love, it means everything to me. You are why I can keep doing this. ” 

You shake your head. “No I’m not.” Charles cocks his head, and you poke his chest, right over his heart. “That is why you can keep doing this.” 

One more poke, this one softer and on his forehead. “And this. Your mind and your heart, your determination, your strength, that is why you keep going. You are the most hard working, talented, brilliant driver I’ve ever seen. You can bounce back from whatever this is, and you will. But not because of me, because that’s the kind of person you are.” 

Charles pats the spot next to him and you oblige, looping your arm through his once you’re there, leaning against his shoulder now. He lays a lingering kiss to the top of your head, a silent gesture of appreciation towards you. He appreciates you more than he can put into words sometimes, a fact that hasn’t and will never change.  

Even though he’s still frustrated and sad and upset, this silence seems considerably lighter as you sit with him. You hope for brighter days ahead, and you’ll always try your best to be his strongest support system, no matter what the future holds.

follow @katsu-library to be notified when i post new fics :)

[marchsfreakshow]

Stars [Stan Bowes]

Fluff / Angst

Star watching was your favourite past time, always had been. So it's no suprise that Stan wanted to join you this time around.

Erm first Stan thing pls be nice to me this will sound horrible. I'm currently on Stan Bowes brainrot I fucking hate him he's an asshole but I also adore him it's very annoying. So.. expect this to be self-indulgent.

Not proofread lol.

No one's perspective

⊹˚.⋆ ₊꒷ᘏᘏ︶ଓ︶꒷꒦⊹˚ᗢ₊꒷︶ଓ︶꒷

Stars are the least lonely things in the universe. Other stars are constantly surrounding, never leaving alone.

Which is why you supposed they were so interesting to watch late at night. A lonely one in the sea of other stars. Tonight was no other night. Just the hill away from the city, with a blanket resting on it. You looking up and admiring those stars. It was silent, as silent as you could get when you could hear the hum of city life in the background. That was, until another car pulled up on the dirt road behind you.

Looking back into the night, you could only see a figure walking up to you. They reached the blanket and sat down next to you. "Room for another?" Ah, the man you were currently in lust with. Despite the instant guilt tugging at your heart, you went for his lap, curling yourself up on his chest and his shoulder. "Missed me that much huh?"

"Yeah.." You admitted sheepishly, glancing up at Stan. The moonlight only glowed, an unnoticeable light shining on the both of you dimly. The only response you got from the man was him lifting your chin to meet his eyes, pressing a kiss softly to your lips. The softest, sweetest kiss Stan had ever given to you.

Another star shining brighter than the one you focused on earlier. Your focus shifted to that star. "Never noticed how pretty the sky looks.."

"because you're never paying attention to the night sky. You're too busy..."

Silence for a few moments. Another stinging guilt pulling at your heartstrings. Maybe you shouldn't've said that. It pulled the both of you back to that disheartening reality. It wouldn't cause a beautiful supernova like the stars do when they die. It wouldn't be like any breathtaking space view you imagined. The reality was rocks and dust hurling itself through another planet, crash after crash. Never finding a moments peace. A reality that you didn't want ever. But one you were most likely stuck with.

The lust would only work for so long, and you both knew it.

"I'm sorry."

Dimly lit eyes close to yours as those words were spoken. "Those words shouldn't be towards me Stan."

He shook his head. Rested his head to yours, just enjoying a few moments of quiet. Quiet under those damned stars. Those stars that meant absolutely nothing but everything to you at the same time. Remicisint of this horrid, dreadful yet thrilling and love filledl affair. A love filled affair...

Love...filled..?

That's not right. It shouldn't be love, never. It was always lust. Love only made your hear-

"love...a shooting star." Eyes away from the man, up at the black and purple sky, a quick shoot of light over your head. To be with Stan without guilt. That's what you wanted. To be his pretty face hanging off his arm as he drove you around those places you loved.

Another kiss. Another sweet, soft kiss pressed your parted lips. Carried on as you found yourself, losing your soul into his once again.

Those damned stars.

⊹˚.⋆ ₊꒷ᘏᘏ︶ଓ︶꒷꒦⊹˚ᗢ₊꒷︶ଓ︶꒷

Tags: @babygorewhore / @taintandviolent / @oceanblvd111 / @nahoyasboyfriend / @coentinim / @slutforgarlogan / @briaroftheroses @am3ricanh0rrorwh0re /. @evanpeterspeter / @feefymo / @fear-is-truth / @lacucarachapisser / @marchsfreak / @saintlucretia / @jazz-berry / @corrodedmilk

[iveriee]

hiii!! how are you lovely? id like to request a tom riddle x soft!hufflepuff reader? reader has seen him as her best friend since first year but then she over hears him talking about how he does not care for her :( so now he just wonders why she’s no longer “clingy” or sweet to him. hurt&comfort, angsty ish, i just want a grovelling riddle 🫠🫠

★;ANSWER: Of course! I'm doing well, Thank you for asking. I apologise if this is not to your liking.

★;CATEGORY: Angst.

★;PAIRING: Tom Riddle x Gn!Hufflepuff!Reader

★;SUMMARY: in which.. he repents his actions.

★;PS: This fic contains severe mentions of toxicity and a slight implication of death and violence. If anything of the sort makes you disheartened, then i would suggest you not to read this. As I mentioned, I have been quite stressed due to my examinations and Henceforth the quality of this fic may be a bit lower than expected. I attempt my very best to improve my writing. Once again, English is NOT my first language and hence, feel free to correct any grammatical incorrections. Writing non-yandere fics is quite strange for me and i apologise if I have accidentally made him into a yandere. I'm aware you mentioned a Fem!Reader, however I'll be doing a Gn!reader as to be more inclusive!Of course I had to use 'perhaps', 'henceforth' and 'quite'. And of course, i had to make Abraxas Malfoy an utter jerk.as it's a headcanon of mine that the Malfoys are all jerks.

Perhaps they presume us not to cling to others—to adhere to the cinders of a strained candle, of a relationship that ceased to live. To cater to it's ghost, it's bones. With one ray of aspiration, that the other would return. Yet you did. You had ever since that day. That evocative day in the Great Hall. That day when you ventured to befriend Riddle. That day when you shelved your sorrow as if it was a gruelling test you so utterly detested. And perhaps, you always would do so. Whether it was inadequate or purposeful, you paid heed to him. For six years, you had done so now. Yet none of your amiability ushered reciprocation from him. None. You'd praise his talents. You'd jest with him. You'd attempt to find solace in his ignorance. Of course, that was, not possible. You were human after all. Perhaps, it was due to you being a Hufflepuff? Perhaps it was as he did not how to convey his feelings? Perhaps, you utterly and desperately desired to invent an excuse for his behaviour.

And Henceforth, one abominable day, when your potion transformed indictable, far off the path of the accurate instructions—You tilted your gaze downwards. The mortification was quite too much for you. The air smeared you, resulting in quivering. A mere reach for your quill felt like a distinguished task. To mix lumber to the fire, An awful act happened. Which, of course, had to include him. Prying your ears, you examined. To distinguish the start, Riddle was frowning at the sight of your dismay(perhaps, not your dismay..).. If you had, perhaps, attempted to tell anyone that, they'd blaze into laughter. Of course, he did not look any less appealing, even whilst frowning. (If you knew the correct reasoning, that is)

However, of course, somebody had to destroy such a thing and that git was indeed Abraxas Malfoy. Perhaps, he ought to diminish the tension. And Henceforth Malfoy cast a repulsed look...at you..perhaps? "[Last Name] is a scatterbrain." He spoke to Riddle. "I think you're acquainted with them, My lord?" Imbecile you concluded to yourself, scowling. Yet the act that cast the most anticipation was Riddle's response. Your heart blazed. Sweat grazed your cheeks. Would, he, perhaps, come to your defence? It was juvenile,a foolish reassurance, the concluding luminosity of your life. Perhaps he cared. The mere wonder of it made you smile. (albeit somewhat slight)

If Tom concealed his feelings, then, perhaps he was quite proficient at it because his thoughts were utterly and completely inscrutable. Your frame began quivering. You steadied your gaze and examined him, with a surge of internal reassurance. "If that is,perhaps, what you believe to be true, then I must say, I do not care for [Last Name] and nor do i have no intention of paying heed to them." He stated firmly, causing Malfoy to flinch. "They are merely a classmate and a stranger to me."

Engulfed. That was the stature of your luminosity. Engulfed by him and the vicious wave that was sorrow(certainly a wave you'd never get over of). Tears plunged your cheeks before you could make of it and your lips closed on eachother. Restraining your palm against your mouth, you quivered. No, this had to have been another formidable nightmare of yours—it had to have been. He could not have been so...cruel. He had to have considered you as an acquaintance, at the very least . You loved him. You indeed did. With all your heart. Ever since the day you first gazed upon him. And yet, this was the conclusion, the answer to your persistent affection? You had splurged years in the aspiration that he'd...care. You were, sincerely and utterly pitiable. Life was an anguished tale. And, of course, you were the one having to suffer it.

And henceforth, this very abominable day, you quit your attempts to gain heed and he began his.

[★]

Perhaps nobody at Hogwarts with an orderly mind would have ever believed that Tom Riddle yearned after a mere Hufflepuff . Neither would the Hufflepuff in interrogation. Of course, he displayed no clues of mourning. On the budding days, he discovered no need for your juvenile affection. It was otherworldly to even wonder that he would require you. You brought no assistance to him and he regarded you as a 'mere nuisance.' Yet as herbage mutated copper—honed and gnawing, plunging onto the vicious month of October, The Hogwarts castle glinted with eerie ginger and blazing green, the act of ignorance from you towards him became...perplexing.. to say the very least.

It felt vacant. He felt vacant. As much as Riddle cherished his pride, He was almost wounded by your actions.You no longer bothered to praise him tenderly or adhere onto him. You no longer attempted to even gaze at him. However, as he had reassured himself quite alot of times, he had no requirement for you. And so henceforth, he persisted with life, excelling and being applauded like every other common day. Yet, you cannot merely plunge sorrow by detaining it. And perhaps, it shall make the matters worse when it rises, sizzling up to the surface to swamp you.

That sorrow certainly rose early.

And assisted with a broth of envy and guilt.(though, of course, he would never admit so) You had, at last—created proper friendships with amiable people, unlike, a very certain somebody whom you, precisely, despised now. To examine you speak to others, to see you content;considerate, sympathetic (Not with him, of course) slashed him with envy so utterly disdainful. In an instant's heed, He began to covet you, to crave you. He ought to have your affection once again. To possess your sweet, agreeable praise again. To have you clutch onto him. To fluster you, and—And perhaps, even kill to do so. Of course, the victims' identities were quite evident. Perhaps, it was merely amusement he required from you. Or perhaps, he may have, though quite unlikely, fallen in love.

And so henceforth, one agreeable day, when you had attempted to plod to the Black Lake—only to be approached by him. You felt satisfaction and hatred as you utterly refused to gaze at him.Your reasoning,being,the way he gazed upon you. You felt a rooting inclination to speak, yet, of course, you did not, allowing him to begin this clutter of a 'conversation'. (you could swear to Merlin that you had examined sorrow in his eyes!). The silence stirred distant. He spoke. "Greetings, [Name]." It felt as though you had, perhaps, heard the most astonishing wonder in the world. "I aspire that you are doing well?" You scowled at such a cloyed question. "I suppose i should get to the point, shouldn't it? Indeed, I would like to apologize for my behaviour. As you are aware Malfoy is—"

"An imbecile, yes." You responded curtly, frowning at the mere sight of him. He was,perhaps, too bewitching for you to be furious at. "Quit the Formalities, Riddle..."

"Is that so?" He questioned, inching quite near, smiling viciously. "In mere words, i would be honoured to rekindle our.. friendship." His smile diminished and his handsome face reeked of vulnerability. It was equivalent to viewing lime skies. Your heart ached to embrace him, to weep onto his chest, to allow him to comfort you—Yet, you could not fulfill it. You had dignity. And yet, you had love. Towards him. And perhaps, you always would. Tears boiled once more, and you gazed at him. He embraced you, and you had what you had so potently ached for. His hands cupped your cheeks as he smiled at you and you returned the act, though in tears. Joyful tears. Perhaps, he even shed a tear himself. (though unlikely). He pressed his lips onto yours and so did you. Profoundly. "Repentance, perhaps, inched us nearer, didn't it, love?"

[shorthaltsjester]

if i ever have to see another thought piece on the description of the white picket fence outside of fjord and jester’s place in mighty nein reunited indicating jester’s unhappiness in the relationship i will burn the world to the ground.

a) heteronormativity doesn’t exist in exandria !

b) fjord isn’t your Typical Male Love Interest Guy. if i ever have to read someone say that shit again i’m gonna (correctly) assume they haven’t paid attention at all to campaign 2 and any of fjord’s character arc.

c) perhaps, jester lavorre, woman who was raised on the ideology of romance novels and sexuality as exchange, might just find it uh… not a terrible thing that the white picket fence is falling apart outside since… fjord explicitly does Not feel like those romance novels to her, instead he feels comfortable. the way that a brightly painted but rarely used house might, especially when the couple in question spends most of their time adventuring together… which is an essential part of jester’s motivations throughout the campaign.

d) the reason fjord and jester seem unhappy in the reunion might be because, well, uh, whereas everyone else was getting a “vacation”, jester and fjord’s life together (specifically the fact that Fjord Loves Jester Enough To Risk The World (Momentarily) To Save Her) was the inciting action for an apocalyptic demigod being released - they Were unhappy. who wouldn’t be given those circumstances. jester nearly died, and fjord felt like the god that once saved him had now abandoned him, i am so truly sorry that their romance was not satisfactory for your vision of atypical romance (which, by the way, is literally reinforcing the restrictive romantic tropes you think you’re criticizing, so good job i guess). i would be much, much more concerned if jester and fjord Weren’t clearly dismayed.

e) both fjord and jester are individuals whose entire lives and character are defined by the expectation (both external and internal) that they behave and emote a certain way. that they’re in a relationship with someone who they feel that they can show that they are frustrated with or disagree on the layout of their house with or have different ideas on how to deal with the looming threat of a demigod is incredible. jester and fjord are emblematic of a relationship in which the characters Aren’t meant to be, but they Want to be together and they want to understand and support the other person so they work at it. we wouldn’t have conversations like “you seem disheartened..” “i am very disheartened! you almost died!” if they didn’t take the time and care to communicate with one another.

f) if you want a honeymoon era joyful queer romance, yasha and beau are right there! they are explicitly horny and in love and bright about it! if queerness is your measure of “trope breaking” i am very sorry to tell you that queer people partake in white picket fences, and i’d actually argue that in terms of Lifestyle Metaphor, beauyasha are more adherent to the whitepicket fence, nuclear familyism. this isn’t a detriment to them, just, very literally, beau works a 9-5 where she comes back to her housewife who gardens and cooks dinner and their future includes explicit reference to children. comparatively, fjord wants to address some issues in his past, jester is an artist, and both of them are interested in adventure for the foreseeable future.

g) if you truly think that a single part of laura’s description of the part-time abode of fjord and jester overrides every interaction and choice that both laura and travis make towards fjord and jester caring for each other in a deep and meaningful way that goes beyond the weird fandom constructed Man/Woman characters being portrayed by a married couple i truly, Truly have no idea why you even watch the many hours of content that cr is when you could… play/write your own shit.

[eldritch-spouse]

I definitely wasn't binging through Krulu's tag like a horny depraved soul with no life (which i am) when i found this:

Pinnie I need to know how Krulu responds/reacts to Admin's existential crisis and crippling anxiety telling them that they're useless to him now that he has no need to hide and he can just dispose of them if he wants to.

[Fem reader.]

TW: Slight angst; Religious mindsets.

It's wonderful seeing your lord in such high spirits.

You never made note of it before, mostly to avoid being insulting, but it bothered you that Krulu felt unsafe all the time, resigned himself to the darkness of his sacred floor, didn't look beyond the walls of The Clergy's Eye or set foot onto his own garden.

It was disheartening.

He's a god! He's your god! He should face the world with nothing but pride and elegance, his might is to be witnessed and revered by all- Hiding is unbecoming of his perfect nature.

You suppose you have to thank Miara for all of this. For the safety and confidence Krulu now exudes, for the push she gave him to finally finally impregnate you- For your beautiful baby boys who have now grown up to take Earth's main annexes by storm! Life is good.

Life is wonderful.

But it's so, so scary...

Ever since your higher stopped using you as a vessel -There's no need for such anymore, after all- A depressing distance has been cast between you two. Something stifling.

You're so very happy for him, for Adelo and Adrul who can now communicate with their second father openly, see him in the flesh so much more often than they once did, for the two of you even -Because you do like witnessing Krulu's glory- But... Things just aren't the same.

You no longer feel Krulu in the back of your mind, caressing your thoughts and murmuring to you. His presence on your body is so diminished you feel naked. Unsafe. Out of sorts. You feel useless as his servant. This isn't right. It's something you're ashamed to admit, but you wish he'd return to your form.

What's wrong with you? To be wishing misery upon your lord...

You're his chosen, you're the mother of the rulers of Eden and Perdition, you're loved dearly by your lord and your angel- So... So why is it that you feel small? Like an ant? Without Krulu... You're just a human. Just a girl.

Tears prick at your eyes.

It's stupid, it's so stupid. You should be happy. This is a day of celebration! Your sons have come to The Clergy to partake in celebration with their parents and the core team after their impressive feats. And instead of spending quality time with the people closest to you...

You're sobbing on a faraway bench.

Pathetic.

You don't even hear the footfalls approaching steadily.

" Chosen. "

To say you sprung up like a startled feline is to put it flatteringly lightly. Your lord stares at you from a great height, gaze ever hardened, though you've been his servant long enough to spot the creases of worry in the corners of his eyes.

" M- My lord, excuse me- I'll be joining the festivities in no time. " You stammer, wiping the tear trails on your face and hoping your makeup isn't smudged to absolute shit. But it probably is.

Krulu makes a chuff, then takes a seat beside your figure, not looking directly at you. One set of arms rests on their hips, another steeples its fingers, the remaining one adjusts some of his jewelry.

" Speak. What troubles you? "

To the point. You've come to love that about him.

" Nothing serious, my worship. " You sigh. " You know how fragile the human mind is, I'm just being silly. "

The siadar's tail rattles across the floor.

" Our minds may no longer be interwoven, but make no mistake, I know when you dare lie to me. " He warns, eyes narrowed. " Your pain is still my pain, however. And to hurt me is not wise. "

You curl further into yourself on the bench, sniffling. " My deepest apologies- "

" I will not ask twice. What ails you? "

Slowly, you crane your neck back, meeting only the charred side of Krulu's face. With perhaps the most shaky and futile of inhales, your lips let loose.

" I'm scared. "

The siadar straightens slightly.

" My lord, I would never doubt your words- But I doubt myself. We aren't as close as we once were, and that's amazing! That's good! But... I feel so hollow without you in my body. What duty do I have now? I know it's stupid of me -I know I'm foolish- But ever since you've ceased to use me as a vessel, I've been so... Miserable. "

The shame coating your cheeks burns brighter than a thousand dawns, so you opt to bore holes into the stone of the garden's pathway.

There's a deep rumble from beside you, and soon, your small frame is lifted, deposited in the crevice where your lord's long legs cross, facing forward to the garden's expanse just as he does.

" You are going through withdrawal. "

Krulu begins, giving all your thoughts pause.

" Have been, for quite some time. "

Four hands touch your body, two loop around your neck in a familiar hold that has you sighing in comfort. The other pair rubs your sides up and down.

" I never did think it had reached this state, but then, you have a most insufferable habit of hiding your distress from me. "

" I... I don't want to disappoint. "

The implication is loud, even without being verbalized. A pause passes.

" Pray tell, what bred the idea into your mind that the mother of my heirs is expendable? " He challenges, met with silence for a few moments.

" Was it something I imparted onto you? "

And, when you think about it deeper, there was never a moment where Krulu made you feel as if you were nothing but a body. Or that you would someday outlive your use. Your sentiments are strange and you can't place their source aptly.

" Never! I don't recall a single thing you've said or done to me that could cause this- I think I'm just... Having some type of episode? " What a wonderful thing to say, you snort inwardly to yourself. Yes, you're going mental.

" Episode, hm? " Krulu chuckles above you. " Close enough. You got there on your own, songbird. "

" I- Lord Master, I beg your pardon? " Did he actually confirm you're going insane?

The siadar shudders at the title bestowed upon him, a squeeze of powerful claws reminding you not to rile him up now. It slipped.

" Just as when I took hold of your form your organism experienced many changes, you are now going through several more as well. " He explains simply. " My departure is intense, I would be alerted if you did not react to it. "

You blink, staring into his blazing orange hues. " ... But it has been years, lordship. "

Krulu's grin turns slightly mocking. " Indeed it has. "

You can only blink vapidly again, prompting him to laugh loudly and pet you almost condescendingly.

" How many years did you live as my vessel, lesser? "

Oh. Oh.

No fucking wonder you've been feeling this way for so long. Oh boy, this is going to take a long while... Who knew a hormonal imbalance could last this long, and be this devastating. Maybe to a doctor, it would be extremely common knowledge, but you often forget said information, because it hardly ever holds relevance these days.

You feel even dumber now. Dumb as a door. May the ground grow a hole and consume you immediately.

The berating inner-monologue about to kickstart in your mind is halted entirely by the sensation of Krulu's thin lips against the top of your head as the massive entity curls to shield you from the world at large.

" You are hereby ordered to seek me as soon as these flares of inadequacy show themselves, understood? " Even if his words hold supreme authority, you feel the insurmountable care behind them.

" My chosen is my adored and my adored is the light of this decrepit world. You hold more value than the universe could ever hope to achieve to me, yet you do not even realize it. " He whispers.

And you cry.

You sob like a fucking baby.

You wail into your lord's arms, full of relief, of love, passion and reverence and complete fanaticism- Enough euphoria to blind you for seconds of total bliss. It's almost like an orgasm, in a peculiar way.

He holds you throughout the entire catharsis, silent, stable like a stone wall. Only when your quiet sniffling has petered out does he speak again.

" Come to us, Adrul did say he has many tales of his time in Wrath. His mother should listen. "

You stand with Krulu's help, a smile as bright as the sun on your face.

Everything is okay.

You'll get through this.

For him.

Always for him.

Everything for him.

[suusoh]

Haha c’est pas grave, chérie ! French is a very romantic language, we all know. So, I believe that Johan (or Anna for that matter) might use this to catch off guard their Darling with French terms of endearment. They are multi-lingual after all. 

Alors, La Première Leçon: Termes d’Affection ! 

Mon Cher/ Ma Chére- My dear (we all know this, very classic)

Mon cœur - My heart (You consume them, you are their most vital organ.)

Mon beau/ Ma belle - My beautiful (perhaps too superficial for Johan and Anna, but you are the most beautiful thing they have ever seen, especially when you have tears in your eyes.)

Mon Chouchou - My pet, my sweet (derives from the term for cabbage or pastry, do not let that fool you ! It means you are so sweet and delicious they could devour you !) 

Mon lapin - My rabbit (you can run, but they will always find you.) 

Ma moitié - My half (this speaks for itself, no ? You complete them of course.) 

So Johan might say « It’s ok, mon petit lapin, you did so well planning your escape. Come lay here with me, I can tell you why you failed. »

anon... anon. why is it like I'm the one that got rizzed up here. are we- a-are we about to kiss? 😳?

BUT WAHHH THANK YOU ANON ALL OF THESE ARE SOOOO GOOD. LIKE SO DEAHTLY GOOD I CAN'T WAIT TO USE THESE THANK YOUUU!!!!

I think Johan would be an avid fan of mon cœur and mon chouchou!!! ah the mon chouchou one is so perfect!! As if I haven't written enough about johan just biting his darling's cheeks out of nowhere. His personal pastry.

" It’s ok, mon petit lapin, you did so well planning your escape. Come lay here with me, I can tell you why you failed. " SHITTT ANONN YOU ATE THAT. I GO INSANE OVER THAT SOFT YANDERE KINDA CHARACTERIZATION FOR HIM FHAJKSFHJ. NOT HIM ASKING YOU TO LAY WITH HIM IM CRYINGGGG THIS IS SO GOOD.

It's so infuriating because he'd think of you escaping him as an almost recreational activity for your benefit? Like he'd be leaving small "clues" and hints at times on concocting the perfect escape plan. Not that he genuinely wants you to escape, but he treats you escaping him as seriously as one would treat a cute bonding activity like solving a jigsaw puzzle together <3. Which makes you feel all the more insulted and somehow it feels demeaning in a way— not that he meant for it, he really does think it's a lighthearted activity— but he'd see how disheartened you'd feel ,that it's as if he's insulting your intellect then, he'd stop leaving game hints after or advice on how to plan a better escape. He doesn't mean to make you feel discouraged, he's just trying to be supportive of your favourite"past-time activity" :( he thought you knew that there would be no true escape and that you trying to escape is just a small way of having fun.

(and also it's his way of knowing if you'll start trying out new methods he won't expect. like let's say one day you genuinely vanish and were able to stay on the low for a few days, he'd be slightly wary after that, and just calmly make it sound like it's a light discussion so that you can have a friendly banter and chat about how you escaped him this time. That way he can take note and mentally catalogue it.)

"MON LAPIN" WITH ANNA THOUGH................ MUCH THOUGHTS. SO MUCH THOUGHTS TO LINGER ON ACTUALLY.......

I defnitely think Anna has a predator/prey kink. Unlike johan who reiterates that you will not escape him, I bet anna likes to actually make you believe you have a REAL chance at escaping every once in a while. Only because she finds it funny how crestfallen you'll be once you realise that your "serious" escape attempt wasn't even close at all, and that you only got that far because she let you. Though I will say as much as she admires your tears and almost genuine fear, if you choose to escape from her one day and she sees you laughing? smiling and almost having fun? and that you only ran out because you expected her to chase after you? She might just fall in love all over again.

[unit-22]

Why the Evangelion Rebuilds are Awesome (mostly) (to me) (TO ME)

Y'know, I know that a lot of people dislike the rebuilds, but honestly, the rebuilds are my boy. My blorbo. My silly little guy. As much as I enjoy the original series and EoE, I think that people tend to dislike the rebuilds because they're not as iconic, and that may be true, but I love the rebuilds because of what message they're actually sending in the larger narrative context.

I mean, it's so disheartening to see Shinji grow through the series to only regress along with all the other characters, compared to seeing him grow as a person and follow the same pattern of regression (which is primarily shown through his trauma response to Kaworu dying) but end out differently in the end. In EoE, Shinji was immediately forced back into the field in an extremely vulnerable emotional and psychological state that only worsened as the movie went along and he saw the horrific fates of everyone around him. He felt as though he was alone and he was punished for opening to SOMEONE and then being forced to kill him as if he was nothing but another enemy when in reality he was the only person Shinji felt truly loved him. No matter he was emotionally screwed over! In fact, and I don't plead this ever, I'd say that on some level his mind must've legitimately snapped. By the end, he was still alive and the world didn't fully end, but it was a desolate version of itself and everyone Shinji cared about was still dead. Rei was dead, Misato was dead, Kaworu was dead. The only thing left was this girl who repeatedly showed how much she hated him, who refused to give him kindness when Kaworu gave it so easily, who was still alive but barely and decided to choke her out to put her out of her misery and to make sure he didn't have to suffer through another loss. And we don't find out what happens after that. It's a masterful ending, but so soul-crushing and so hopeless. Beautiful in it's horror.

However, compare this to the rebuilds, where Shinji and the funky bunch end up actually connecting and growing emotionally as time goes on. Asuka gets close to Mari, who obviously loved her very much and Asuka cared about as well. Rei connects with the villagers and is able to build her own soul and sense of self as time went on. Misato and Ritsuko grew closer as time went on and built an organization to help humanity and despite everything, Misato still loved Shinji and that love and trust saved the world. Shinji got the time to properly sit down and process his trauma. He was given space and time. And so by the final showdown in THRICE UPON A TIME, he was matured enough to take the advice of people he loved in order to craft a new universe and give his loved downs a happier ending. He gets his own happy ending.

It's a message of connection and hope and the importance of human understanding. The forces of heart and mind and will coming together to create miracles. Literally saving the world with the power of stable mental health and love. It's one of the most beautiful character progressions I've ever seen (even if there are some writing decisions I don't agree with and some interpretations I personally don't understand (shoutout to those two guys on the internet who said Rei and Kaworu were a couple bc they were standing next to each other, I'd like to personally say what the hell) )

Also, I think we can all agree that the rebuilds had an absolute fire soundtrack. I still get chills listening to stuff like The Ultimate Soldier, Fate, God's Gift, nerv euro, Beautiful World (all versions), and One Last Kiss.

Anyways, sorry for the long post. I just adore the rebuilds. Yes this spawned from me sad watching 3.33 over and over again. bc why not.

[vnzndt]

what are your thoughts on dream not being behind dream fanart for most of the time 🤔 i have been rotating that around in my head for a bit so i would love to know your thoughts

i won’t lie it was a little upsetting but it makes sense to me. he doesn’t owe us transparency when it comes to things as minuscule (at least in the grand scheme of the video & his controversies) as his fanart account and while it feels less personal than it used to a lot has changed since it was created :’) i was down over it for a bit but i realized pretty quick that these little bits and pieces that have always placed us “closer” to dream in comparison to other fandoms/their content creators have been disappearing for a long time now and in the end it’s definitely for the better as he said himself. i get why people feel disheartened though. i will hold onto his little replies to artists forever and ever and i’ll definitely miss the twitter activity but im much more excited for him to get a breath of fresh air than i am upset that we’ll miss out on liking sprees or spaces or priv tweets or whatever it be

i will say i feel very lucky to have witnessed the creation of the fanart acc & got to experience it while (i’m assuming) it was still only run by him back in 2020. and i feel even more lucky to be his first ever reply on the fanart acc and the first ever shoutout WOOOO (subtle brag im sorry i feel like now is the time to reminisce more than ever)

for a minute i was (selfishly lol) a little demotivated because there’s such a high in chasing a dranart like/rt and so much reward in the thought of dream himself seeing your art but i took a step back and realized it’s probably for the better (especially because, on a more personal level, i think it’s unintentionally created some insecurity & jealousy in the fanartist community, which isn’t dream’s fault whatsoever but it’s definitely something i’ve noticed & struggled with in the past)

all in all it’s been a good run :’) he’s still the same dream we’ve always known with all the same appreciation he’s always expressed for the creatives in his community and i will love him always for the opportunities he’s granted to so many of us just by simply supporting artists in the way he has

[ninadove]

watching character ai lukadrien create the most heart wrenching debilitatingly angsty love story to ever love story ever

Hey, I can tell there’s no malice behind your ask, but — don’t do that.

I write fanfiction myself, and a lot goes into it:

1. Unreasonable amounts of ✨ Time and Effort ✨

Just the other day, my WIP kept me up until 2 AM, because I wanted it to be neatly polished before even sending it to my beta readers (@paracosmicfawn and @dragongutsixofficial). The first thing I did the following morning was re-read it again, to correct any typos and inconsistencies my tired brain might have missed the night prior.

2. Research and analysis

For a cute little Lukadrien scene I wrote with my ✨ awesome girlfriend ✨ — something that was never even going to be published — I went through a dozen different sources trying to get a better understanding of what meditation actually is and to capture the philosophy behind it accurately. This does not make me special — all authors do it out of dedication and love for their craft, but it’s energy that could be spent doing literally anything else, especially when you consider how horrifyingly lonely the writing process can be (see point 1).

Also, there’s a reason I spend so much time making analysis posts on Silly Little Blorbos who do not exist! It gets my brain running and allows me to sharpen my understanding of the characters, so I can write them properly in my works.

3. A unique perspective on the characters, the source media, and life in general

Which gives all the flavour to my favourite AO3 works out there.

Like, yes, that extract you sent in your follow-up ask is cute, I guess, but it’s also incredibly generic:

When actual living breathing human (or Senti) beings share their work with you, they’re inviting you to a special part of their brain that they’ve decorated with their own experiences, references and visuals — things that they love and passed onto their favourite characters, so they can hopefully reach you. For instance, Character AI would never have had the genius idea to compare Felix’s eyes to an aurora borealis; this could have only sparked from @wackus-bonkus-maximus’ brain. Similarly, my version of Felix will often reference works of art and literature that left a strong impact on me as a child — an impact I’m sure can also be sensed in my approach to storytelling and even in the way I structure sentences and paragraphs.

Which leads me to my final and most important point:

4. EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE™

Because let’s be real — there’s a reason our brains latch onto certain characters, and said reasons aren’t always sunshine and rainbows. I’ve cried more writing about the Senticousins than over the loss of certain people or relationships in my own life. Long before that, I latched onto Clive and gave him everything I felt was missing from my life as a teenager, so I could live vicariously through him. And of course, I always make my characters some flavour of queer, because for a long time this was the only outlet I got for my own feelings and identity.

It takes a lot of vulnerability to put all of this on the Internet for others to read and judge, and it’s very disheartening to see that people would rather ask a machine to spit out some easily digestible but impersonal interactions than give your work a chance.

I can guarantee there are beautiful pieces of fanwork out there that will cater to your tastes and haunt you for years in a way Character AI or Chat GPT never could. And the good news is — if you don’t find anything, it means it’s time to write it yourself!

And of course, I cannot end this post without encouraging everyone to read about the writers’ and actors’ strike currently unfolding in the US.