#which is the ep that released the week I officially got together with my now husband

[punk-ass-poet]

i am once again filled with Such A Desire to make a TAZ stolen century animatic to Hunger by Florence & the Machine. god

[caltropspress]

RAPS + CRAFTS #34: Snotnoze Saleem

1. Introduce yourself. Past projects? Current projects?

I go by the name Snotnoze Saleem. So far, all projects under this alias have been released on Illuminated Paths, including the mixtape Intifada, the sister EPs Shards I & II, and the most recent EP Samizdat, all self-produced. I don’t want to give too much away as of right now since I prefer to announce music when it is fully complete, but I got a collab tape with an amazing producer coming up, and I’m always working on my own stuff.

2. Where do you write? Do you have a routine time you write? Do you discipline yourself, or just let the words come when they will? Do you typically write on a daily basis?

Any and everywhere. I used to have a routine where I would write on my lunch break at work, and then afterwards after smoking. I don’t particularly like employment, so I always had a source of agitation to pull from, however that routine has recently been shattered due to a layoff. But I’ve been slowly finding a new groove until the next source of daily annoyance gives me more ammo, and even without a job, there’s always something. I discipline myself by sitting down and saying, “I’m going to come up with at least a few bars here,” or, “I will find a pocket in this weird ass beat,” but during that window of discipline I’ll let the words come as they may. I make an effort to jot down interesting thoughts or turn of phrases every day, even as little as just two words that I think sound interesting when put together. I tend to feel panicky if I feel I haven’t written anything for a few days straight, which can happen.

3. What’s your medium—pen and paper, laptop, on your phone? Or do you compose a verse in your head and keep it there until it’s time to record?

It used to be strictly pen and paper because I thought it was more “official,” but as time progressed I found myself thinking in bars all throughout the day, and I found it much more convenient to just pull my phone out and type whatever it is that came to me. I don’t think I’ve ever kept a whole verse strictly in my head; I’d be too afraid of forgetting it.

4. Do you write in bars, or is it more disorganized than that?

Usually disorganized, and then I find a satisfying order and rhythm for recitation. A few times a song will be more focused and will come off as what you could say are logical thoughts, like my one song “A Foreign Army Invaded My Funeral Procession” from Shards II, but that wasn’t even on purpose. It kinda just came out that way.

5. How long into writing a verse or a song do you know it’s not working out the way you had in mind? Do you trash the material forever, or do you keep the discarded material to be reworked later?

Nah, I don’t trash anything - always keep it. I’ve used lines I’ve written years prior, or recycle entire verses on a new beat if I think it fits better. When I’m in that discipline window I mentioned earlier, I’ll just write whatever, doesn’t have to make sense (not like the finished version has to) or be on any type of beat or rhythm or cadence, just get the juices flowing. It’s usually pretty clunky at first, but once I’ve gotten used to the beat then I can make adjustments. If I’m working on a verse and I haven’t reached that breakthrough beyond, say, a week or two, then it may be time to move on to something else, but that doesn’t mean I’ll never go back to it again.

6. Have you engaged with any other type of writing, whether presently or in the past? Fiction? Poetry? Playwriting? If so, how has that mode influenced your songwriting?

I used to write screenplays when I was younger, and little short stories. I don’t know what happened as I aged, but I find it hard to write organized thoughts and sentences like that nowadays - you know, “proper” sentences. I think the biggest influence it has on me now is just the fact that I’m not a stranger to the act of writing my thoughts down since I’ve been doing it for a while in some shape or form. I would like to read more poetry as well.

7. How much editing do you do after initially writing a verse/song? Do you labor over verses, working on them over a long period of time, or do you start and finish a piece in a quick burst?

The production plays a big role in this. If I have a beat that really gets a strong reaction from me, like my blood starts boiling as soon as I hear it, I can knock out a big chunk of a verse quickly, or maybe even a whole verse. Other times, it’s just a matter of reciting it either out loud or in my head over and over and over and over and over again until I’m fully satisfied with every word and pocket.

8. Do you write to a beat, or do you adjust and tweak lyrics to fit a beat?

Always writing to a beat, though I may pull from the random thoughts and feelings I’ve jotted down during my day-to-day. But the beat is usually the biggest factor in helping with writing a verse as opposed to little blurbs. If it’s something crazy, like some clamorous buzzsaw synth with a vocal sample of an elderly woman gasping or something, then the words will match that atmosphere. If it’s something calmer, I will adjust accordingly.

9. What dictates the direction of your lyrics? Are you led by an idea or topic you have in mind beforehand? Is it stream-of-consciousness? Is what you come up with determined by the constraint of the rhymes?

Man, I will pull from anything. My immediate surroundings, maybe a sign I see on the street; or something someone said earlier that I thought was funny or strange; a memory; a feeling I had at a particular moment; a meme or tweet I saw online; the news; a sentence from a book; whatever. Despite the seeming randomness though, I think there are always a handful of topics in my mind that I tend to dwell on or go back to, and it seems like I attempt to compile those disparate sources to fit within those topics even if I didn’t really set out to do that when I started. 

10. Do you like to experiment with different forms and rhyme schemes, or do you keep your bars free and flexible?

Hmm, those seem like the same thing to me. I would say I do both. Lately I’ve been making a conscious effort of trying not to use “obvious” rhymes, so instead of rhyming, for example, “feature” with “creature,” maybe I’ll go with “people” or even “facetious” or something. See, it doesn’t really rhyme, but it kinda does and you can make it work. I think that makes it more interesting. Nothing wrong with “obvious” rhymes though - more of an exercise to keep my mind sharp. 

11. What’s a verse you’re particularly proud of, one where you met the vision for what you desire to do with your lyrics?

I mentioned a collab tape with a producer earlier. I got a song on there that I really think I left the planet on. I wrote it when I was bedridden with COVID, and I think the combination of my brain being in such a vulnerable state and the beat really speaking to me helped with my writing. Don’t get COVID, by the way. Of the stuff I have out at the time of this writing, I like the song “Embryonic” from Shards II. It’s a kind of spoken word thing over a noise sample. I like hearing what different people think I was going for on that one.

12. Can you pick a favorite bar of yours and describe the genesis of it?

That’s a really tough one. It might be recency bias because it just came out, but I like when I said, “Bantustan bandit back on that bolshevik bullshit.” I like the alliteration and I enjoy using political terms in a somewhat irreverent way. “Bantustan” is in reference to the areas in the West Bank that are designated for Palestinians, which have been compared to the Bantustans of Apartheid-era South Africa, which were designated for black Africans; “bandit” in reference to flippant use of samples; and “bolshevik bullshit” because I guess my raps tend to lean pretty left-wing.

13. Do you feel strongly one way or another about punch-ins? Will you whittle a bar down in order to account for breath control, or are you comfortable punching-in so you don’t have to sacrifice any words?

I don’t think I have any authority to tell people how they should or shouldn’t rap. 99.9% of the time I don’t use them because I just don’t need to, and it makes a song easier to perform. But on my song “Nymphs” off of Samizdat (where the line I highlighted in the last question is from), I actually punched-in most of the lines because I was inspired by people like RXKNephew who I feel do it in a unique way, and I just thought it fit the beat. Just seemed like a fun thing to try out. But I don’t really whittle anything down. I have good breath control and sometimes it could even give it more flavor when it sounds like your lungs are about to burst before you finish a line. 

14. What non-hiphop material do you turn to for inspiration? What non-music has influenced your work recently?

Novels of all types, although my favorite authors are ones who can be funny about very serious things - satirical, you know - or know how to play with the English language. The real world. History and politics. Jazz music helps me with finding flows because it is so free and organic. And I really love noise and punk music for the energy.

15. Writers are often saddled with self-doubt. Do you struggle to like your own shit, or does it all sound dope to you?

I like what I put out. It’s not lost on me that many people may find my style outlandish and maybe even unlistenable - that’s okay. It sounds like me and whoever it’s meant for will find it and enjoy it. 

16. Who’s a rapper you listen to with such a distinguishable style that you need to resist the urge to imitate them?

Well, the flow on “Nymphs” was done on purpose as a direct tribute, but otherwise I think I’m weird enough as a person (in a good way) that I can take influence from my favorites such as DOOM or ELUCID and it would still come out sounding like me, if that makes sense. 

17. Do you have an agenda as an artist? Are there overarching concerns you want to communicate to the listener?

I would like to show the listener that rap is a limitless genre and the best genre and the culmination of all genres, where you can say whatever you want, however you want, and that you can really make a beat out of anything. Real-world concerns would focus on eradicating oppression of all people on the basis of who they are (or any basis really) and the use of everyday language in creative and “foreign” ways. 

RAPS + CRAFTS is a series of questions posed to rappers about their craft and process. It is designed to give respect and credit to their engagement with the art of songwriting. The format is inspired, in part, by Rob McLennan’s 12 or 20 interview series.

Photo credit: Delaney Nash

[tarasmithshifts]

𝐁𝐀𝐍𝐃 & 𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐃𝐑

ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴍᴇ ɪɴ ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴅʀ: my name is tara smith, but i'm known as 'azrael'. in 2016 with my friends, kitty and jj formed a band we called 'utopia' and we started on youtube and soundcloud by doing covers, and when we got more popular, we made our first original song. it was called "SOS" (yup it's this one from ABBA but let's pretend yk) and it went viral on soundcloud and very popular on youtube. we got recognision, and it opened the door to music industry.

ᴍʏ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅꜱ ɪɴ ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴅʀ: kitty (lily buckley), jj (jack hart), billie eilish, willow smith, conan grey, harry styles and a lot of more!

ꜱ/ᴏ: billie eilish

ᴅɪꜱᴄᴏɢʀᴀᴘʜʏ: we debuted with an ep called "CANNIBAL" as we watched "the show"Hannibal" while writing and it was a huge inspo for this ep. it was also a success, we went on small tour in venues. first in america, then in europe.

⍣ ೋ we went super popular after we released our first single from our first album called "LOST IN OUR PAST" (2019). it was a huge success. album was full of 70s beats, vocals, etc. we were nominated for multiple awards and won all of them. we became one of the most successful artist of the year, and later even in decade. Our tour sold out in few minutes, and so that's how we did our first world tour. we performed at grammys, the biggest festivals like coachella etc. we won grammys for best album, best group, best group performance, best single & song of the year. we weren't ready for this kind of success, critics after all called this album a "renaissance of 70s music" we became pioneers of group music then, we mixed modern pop, 70s & 80s. we did covers of old songs, and on our tour performed with multiple artists, like tears for fears, fleetwood mac (which was crazy!!!!). at the time me and kitty got together.

⍣ ೋ after the success, we had multiple fights in the band, but we were still making music together. I started to make solo music, but only for fun. we got to work with conan grey, and we made a song "killing me" (yupp also this one but let's pretend!!!) in 2021 our bands needed to split up, as jj decided to left.

⍣ ೋ it was a huge case, fans protested, wanted to know what happened, but we decided to stay quiet. everything was clear, jj wanted something else from life. he started to work as a "ghost writer"

⍣ ೋ after band has split up, i called my managment that i want to release solo music. i didn't want to give up on music because of this situation. week after official announcement from band, i posted info about my first single of my solo album "GLOBAL DRUGS"

it was a huge success, i didn't think that i would go on world tour and sing in stadiums again. i brought kitty with me.

some of fans favourites

⍣ ೋ in december 2022 after i finished tour and came back to u.s., my agent called me that he wants to meet me and kitty. we met 2 days later in new york, in a studio we recorded first ep as "utopia". when we came in, first thing we saw was jj talking to some people in the studio. well, we were so back.

⍣ ೋ in march 2023 out of nowhere we dropped our second album called "WE ARE STILL HERE" and people went CRAZYYY. we had no idea how this album is gonna shake the whole internet and critics. it was completely new - it was jazz, 70s, soul, r&b. something that people claimed we didn't fit. but here we are :)))

⍣ ೋ in may 2023 i attended my first ever met gala, and there, in an interview i confirmed that this was the last project of ‘utopia’ for now. i said “we disappeared out of nowhere and left you all without any information. this is something like a goodbye, but we do not confirm that it will last forever. it depends on our feelings.” i also confirmed that i will release music as solo artist and that kitty will join me as a drummer

⍣ ೋ in may 2023 a week after met gala, i showed the world my summer tour, and except the festivals of course, there were 4 stadium concerts, “bonus” ones, only in europe. Paris, Barcelona, Berlin and final one in London. that’s the time when me and kitty broke up, after, as media called it “London accident”. (there will be another post about it, but basically kitty got herself into alcohol and drugs, and during the London show for almost 2 hours we couldn’t find her, and when my team finally found her, she was completely not contacting with the world around her, and it was not the first time.she couldn’t perform and i didn’t want to cancel the show)

⍣ ೋ in september 2023 i started dating harry styles, but only to january 2024 - we realised that we would love be each other besties than lovers 🤭 (bc in this dr he is a little younger and one direction split up later than in cr, his album “Fine Line” was released in 2024, and “Harry’s House” in late 2025)

⍣ ೋ in january 2024 i confirmed my second solo album, that will release 15/03 🫶

⍣ ೋ after release of this album, me and billie were spotted in public, spreading dating rumours, which we confirmed some months later

"ᴏɴᴄᴇ ᴀɢᴀɪɴ, ᴜᴛᴏᴘɪᴀ" - pinterest board

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

April 2021 Part 2

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Love Poison 2 Ep 3 - incomprehensible plot, confusing characters, terrible audio, I’m dropping this one. 

Second Chance Ep 2 - they are my adorable babies and I LOVE THEM. Must protect Jeno at all cost. Chris, come on, boy needs you. (They’re the jock/nerd pair.) Then there’s the friend-to-lovers (Paper & Fah) and cafe cute boys (M & Near). We got artful injury tending (finger & lip) and some jealousy or something. Is the script good? Hell no. Is anything happening? Nope. But I’m INVESTED in the nothingness. 

Lovely Writer Ep 7 - mostly set in the past, but the child actors they got were decent. I actually liked how they explained Sib’s behavior (I mean losing your BFF + figuring out you’re gay at the same time gotta mess with your head). We got touch my lip, carry baby to bed, let’s sleep facing, face touch, hair touch, and a hand kiss as well as The Kiss. With so many intimacy and caring tropes, I’m well pleased.  BONUS: NO SOUND EFFECTS. Please make then have fired the sound tech. OHPLEAESEOHPLEASEOHPLEASE. 

Fish Upon The Sky Ep 1 - I like it. Might as well break the 4th wall if you’re gonna do a voice over. Some super cringy moments but I think that’ll improve post makeover. Yet again we have a BL poking fun at its own tropes. 2021 is definitely the year of meta. Oh and Phuwin’s English is really good. 

Call It What You Want Ep 1-2 - it’s slow and more arty than I expected. The actor playing the main character looks eerily like Up (Gene in Lovely Writer) + an ex of mine - it’s disconcerting. 

Brothers Ep 10 - my two got together and ARE ADORABLE. I actually really like how they dealt with Khun’s seme ownership freak out. That’s some sexy communicating, boys! So many couples (and triads) I’m well confused, but I only love KhunKaow so no one else matters.  

Y-Destiny Ep 2 - cute, bit raunchy, kinda fun, about a million tropes in one tiny ep. I’m getting So Much in Love meets something from Strongberry. No bad thing... no real good thing either. But I was expecting a lot worse. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai 

HIStory 4: Close To You (Taiwan) Ep 4 (AKA Ep 7-8) - I don’t wanna blog about it. I can’t even think about it. I’m still gonna keep watching it. Conclusion? I’m trash. 

Word of Honor (China) Ep 22-24 - Wen is as much as a drama queen as Gene (in his own special way). Most of his past is now revealed plus obligatory bathing scene. (Is Gong Jun contractually obliged to be topless in all his dramas or is it just for the good of the planet? Asking for a friend.) A good 60% of the time I have no idea what is going on (so many names! who is this Lovelace putz allasudden?) but I don’t care cause they so pretty. 

Most Peaceful Place (Vietnam) Ep 3 - didn’t drop this week, or was it only 2 episodes? I’m so confused. 

We Best Love 2 (Taiwan) Ep 6 fin - It’s GREAT, they’re great, everyone’s great, the world is great. So pleased to get Shu Yi and his dad talking Japanese. I love it when Taiwan makes use of bilingual actors (see Because of You) almost as much as them flexing their marriage equality muscles. The full circle pool kiss was adorable and this series is officially a favorite. (@heretherebedork your boys don’t end unhappily but they don’t get an HEA either, everyone else does. I think you’d be okay with this one.) 

Stand Alones 

Tell the World I Love You (Thai BL movie) released into theaters? Or not? Haven’t heard anything about it. 

Breaking News 

Bite Me got a full trailer and it looks GOOD. Mark Siwat seems to be carrying this one, which is fine, we all know he can (especially if you’ve seen his non-LBC stuff). Quality controls seem relatively high, although this may only be a fund-raising trailer. No eng subs at last check but I’m disposed to be hopeful. It feels like we are in Oxygen territory and that was one of my favorites last year. 

You’re My Sky dropped what they’re calling an “official pilot.” No eng subs. I think this is a tester trailer to raise funds. MDL listing makes this sound like a standard college BL, but trailer portrays a sports romance. Stars almost-familiar new faces from Y-Destiny. It’s like we have a new crop of BL actors chomping at the bit to take over from MaxTul or MewGulf, and with the 91 line aging out*, maybe they aren’t wrong? 

* Don’t crawl into my craw, they’ve most of ‘em said they don’t wanna keep doing BL after turning 30 and frankly, why should they? 

Gossip 

Nitiman dropped BTS from their publicity shoot. No eng subs. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Some shows may be listed later than actual air date for International accessibility reasons. 

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

Spring Line Up:

Close Friend the series (Thai trailer) April 22.

2gether the movie (Thai trailer) April 22 to Thai theaters.

Nitiman (Thai) May 7 on One31.

I Told Sunset About You 2 (Thai) May 27 on LineTV

Ossan’s Love (Hong Kong) June to Viu

I joined MDL under this handle AbsoluteBL. Find me there if you like, currently it’s just ratings, tracking, & three lists: 

Japanese BL & Live Action Yaoi Manga

Korean BL

Taiwanese BL

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression Ep 52 - Kami's avatar plan & Momotaro Dentetsu!? The aim behind the huge spread of conspiracy theories, and related Youtube videos.

K: Hi, this is Dir en grey's Kaoru with this week's episode of The Freedom of Expression.  Joe san, Tasai san, welcome.

K: (To Tasai) You're wearing that.

T: I really like this, I wear it to all sorts of places.

K: Really?

T: Yes. Girls tell me I'm cool when I wear it, it made me feel kinda cocky. Haha

J: You should be!

K: When I saw this (on Tasai) I didn't realise what it was, I didn't remember it. Haha, like was this really ours?

T: When I first heard about this, I heard that Kaoru had made it with great detail, haha.

K: Well, speaking of Dir en grey, we've decided to release a new single.

*applause*

K: At this point it will be in Spring.

J: I see. I can't wait for it.

K: The song will be called 'Oboro'

J: How are you progressing with it?

K: Uh, at the moment we are just starting the mixing..we are at the start of February now.

J: So, like, you can see the finish line already?

K: Hm, well....yeh. We've all finished our parts.

J: Ah, I see. The members' performances are all over.

T: Uh, at the end of year announcement, the talk about the avatars, with Kaoru playing really high up, haha.

Kami: Um...um, are you gonna make a music video for it?

K: Eh?

Kami: You will make a music video, right?

J: Oh, a music video?

Kami: Yeah. Will you make it as an avatar video?

K: Well..we havn't really thought about it yet.

Kami: I am really interested in that, I really liked that idea.

J, T: Ehhh.

K: Thank you.

Kami: I kinda want you to make another one.

K: Oh, for the new song too?

Kami: Yeah, I really want you to make one for the new song.

T: Ah, but you said you havn't thought about that this time?

K: Not at this point, no.

Kami: Why don't you let me do it?

J: Haha

K: Eh? Let Kami make it?

J: Kami, do you have any talent for that type of thing?

Kami: Well, I mean, I reckon I could do it.

T: He reckons he could?

Kami: In my own godly way...I'd like to have a go.

J, T: Ohhh.

Kami: Thats right.

K: Will it work?

T: Haha

J: Yeh, because don't they usually do this type of thing in the workshop?

K: This is a brand new development, right?

T: Yeh, Im pretty surprised too.

Kami: I understand that, but I do think it would be good...like to have it reviewed in the workshop.

T: Ahh, like he wants to raise his reputation.

J: Yeh, but its quite ???*1. Kami, do you have confidence?

Kami:Yes, I do.

J, T: Ohh.

T: He's amazing.

J: Kaoru, he said he's confident?

Kami: Um, it might turn out kinda fun style though.

T: Fun style?

K: Fun style...we don't really have that image though.

J: Right.

K: Well...I'll have to ask the other members.

T, J: Yeh.

Kami: Kaoru, you are the leader, so there's no need to do that.

K: No no no. Its precisely because Im the leader that I have to ask.

J: Haha, yeh, just telling them out of the blue that the god from your own youtube channel will be making an avatar video..they would say thats not a leader!

Kami: No, but say something skillful.

K: Well, I'll just ask them.

T: I'm sorry to say this Kaoru, but I kinda wanna see this happen.

J: Really?!

Kami: A video produced by Kami..what do you think, Joe?

J: Well, it could be scary...

T: Haha.

J: Its not really about something incredible happening, its more like what is gonna come out of the limits of this god.

K: I personally don't have any problem with it, but as for Dir en grey, thats a group decision.

J: Well, yes.

K: It depends on that.

J: So, we'll hand the issue over to you for now to get the other members' approval.

K: Yeh.

Kami: Im being quite brave here, but I also have another request. I've had another idea.

J: You are being brash, aren't you?!

T: He is asking a lot today.

Kami: I thought it might liven up the show a bit.

J: Ahh, ok, go ahead...

Kami: Should we all play Momotaro Dentetsu together?

J, K, T: Momotetsu??

T: Ah, thats a good idea, I'm all for that!

Kami: Lets do it.

T: I really like Momotetsu..

K: Everyone's playing it recently, aren't they?

T: Yeah, its really popular at the moment.

J: I'm sorry, I reacted when he said the name..but I actually don't know what Momotetsu is...

T: Well, its a board game..

K: A board game style video game.

J: Oh right. What is 'tetsu'...like trains?

K: Yes.

T: Do you know Monopoly?

J: Yes, I know that.

T: Its like a train version of Monopoly.

J: Ahh, ok. Well, lets do it! Thats ok. How would we do it?

K: Well, we can think about that later.

J: Yes, ok..but that means its a posibility?

K: Will Kami play too?

Kami: Oh, yes! Thank you!

J: He sounds so happy, haha.

T: Kami, how will you join in with the game?

Kami:.....Yeh, how will I?

J: Yes, you tell us.

Kami:....how would I? I'd have to get some one to do it for me.

K, T: Haha

J: Like a representative of Kami?

Kami: Yeah.

T: Another person that we've never met will come, right? haha. Kami won't have met them, it will be a total stranger.

J: Dubious, right?

K: Ahh, but I havn't played Momotetsu in ages.

T: Ah, in the newest version you get stronger privileges, and its like you can make deliveries freely*2

J: So we are looking towards actually doing this, for now.

K: Well, yeah, its ok. We've got the start of two new plans.

J: Yep, one is a Kami produced avatar video for the new single.

K: Its not really 'produced by' though, more like 'made by'.

T: Making it on his own

J: Yeah, he's making it on his own for us.

K: Its more reassuring that way.

J: Haha, like, not in a collaboration?

K: I approve it of that.

Kami: Im making it on my own, but I don't have any money, so I want to get the money for it from you.

K: No, I can't do that.

J, T: Hahaha

J: He said he wanted to do it himself. He asked you if he could do it! If you want to do it yourself, you have to deal with the cost yourself.

K: This show has zero production cost anyway.

J: Haha, is that right? Thats tough.

T: We finally got a decent mic stand.

K: Yeah, but its kinda been reformed.

J: The mic stand fell over before didn't it? 

K: ???*3

Kami: I don't have any money!

K: Well, it doesn't have to be that high quality.

J: Yeah.

K: He doesn't need a camera though.

J: No. So there are two conditions as for making an avatar vid: one is that Kaoru has to get the permission from the other members, and the other is that Kami has to cover the production costs himself.

*On screen note: Permission was gained from all members in the following days*)

T: Yeah. ????*4, like to show he's made it all himself.

K: Yeh, because if we paid for it, we'd have to approve the whole thing.

J: Oh, yeh, like an official check?

K: Yeah.

J: That would be a bit different. What do you think Kami?

Kami: If I make it, can I sell it?

T: Haha, 'If I make it can I sell it'??

K: No, you cannot. That is that is the biggest rule.

Kami: Oh, please let me sell it!!!

K: That totally depends on how good it is.

J: Right, you might allow it if it was outstanding.

T: Haha

K: Ok, Joe, lets look at today's topic.

J: Yes, 'A monthly income of ¥1million. Chaging tune during game commentary. What is the aim of the massive spread of conspiracy theories, and related Youtube videos?' Well, there is a lot of news surrounding the American Presidential election last year, but a huge amount of conspiracy theories and fake information is spreading even amongst Trump supporters in Japan. Within this are big ones like, 'Trump will unleash martial law, and mass arrests of traitors will begin', 'Nancy Pelosi has been arrested', etc etc. There are even theories that are circulating only in Japan, and which are spreading through Youtube videos and round up sites. Within those, there is one user who brings up such material in the middle of game commentary videos, and can make up to ¥1million per month. The posibility that they are doing it for the advertising revenue cannot be denied. Well, its like, is it ok to spread lies in return for money?... this news questions the 'freedom of expression'.

K: Well, conspiracy theories have been around for ages, havn't they?

J: They always have, yes.

K: But since covid started...there have been...like, a load of theories coming up about it, right?

J: Yeah.

K: I kinda get the sense that a lot of conspiracy  theories about covid have grown to be seen as almost the truth.

T, J: I see.

K: You don't even know whats a conspiracy theory or whats real news now.

J: Well, yeah. In relation to covid, I also don't know what is actually correct. In some sense, there are certain voices that are louder than others, and if you mix in these conspiracy theories, you get this kind of....well, like with these protests in relation to the American election, or even without that, these theories do spread.

K: You kind of watch them in a funny sense to start, but then it feels like they gradually loose power.

J, T: Yeh.

K: There are people who will end up believing them though.

Kami: Um, that game commentator who is talking about conspiracy theories in order to make a profit, I don't like that. I want him to try harder, like, don't be influenced by money.

T: No no no. Kami has been talking about money a lot, haha

J: Yeh, like, 'Can I sell it?' He's only telling other people not to be influenced by money.

Kami: Yeah, gods are influenced by money...gods are. I kinda understand how this guy feels. I can't help it.

J: You can't help it?

Kami: Yep.

J: You can't help it for money?

Kami: Yeah, I take it back, its ok to be influenced by money.

J, K, T: Hahaha

J: Kami, you're weak!

T: That was a quick turnaround.

J: I was pretty shocked that this guy can make ¥1million per month though.

K: Well, if his view count grows...

J: Yeah. 

K: Those numbers would be impossible for this show.

J: Haha, yeah, everyone please help us out with that. Even if we aimed to make ¥1million, conspiracy theories take up a lot of time, right?

T: Yeh, but how about we feature some conspiracy theories?

J: If we will get like this guy, right?

Kami: Ah, lets go with some conspiracy theories!

J, T: Haha

K: There are probably people out there really putting thought into making new conspiracy theories, aren't there?

J, T: Yeah.

K: It sounds pretty difficult. Like, what type of conspiracies would fly?

J, T: Right.

J: ???*5

K: Like Kami's?

J: Kami's conspiracy theories, haha. But it is difficult. Hm, eventually we'll have a 'Freedom of Expression conspiracy theories edition'.

T: Well, lets do more of this kind of stuff.

J: Tokyo Sports loves this kind of thing, doesn't it?

T: Yeah.

J: Do your sales go up when you feature this stuff?

T: Well, not really with conspiracy theories, but we sell at lot when we write about UFOs and stuff. People are really curious about things that are 'unknown'. They really are.

J: Hm.

K: Ok, on that note, lets finish here. Thank you very much.

*1,3,4,5 Couldn't catch/figure out

*2 I've never played Momotetsu so Im not sure if im understanding the explanation right. 

To top page

[musedblues]

Call It Fate Call It Karma

summary: In which your band gets signed to the same label as Queen, and Brian May takes a whole bunch of fun out of your new musical journey.

a/n: Here’s what to know… There’s an age gap! This takes place sometime in the 1980s and reader is in her twenty’s. There are also mentions of sex / sexual situations. (Not 18+ just be aware!) Here’s what’s been dubbed as The Bitchy Bri Fic! Title from this song!

w/c: 10k

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

Everything changed as you’d started to lose hope. And you owed it all to Jim Beach.

It was the afternoon you and your bandmates managed to sneak past the receptionist desk at EMI and present the reel of tape you called you an EP to a bored producer called Watts; Jim Beach was already occupying his office. By then, you’d been to every other record label in the city and were prepared to be kicked out of this one all the same.

But then the producer agreed to listen to your tape. Watts sat with his feet on his desk and a glazed over look in his eye as two of your only three songs played. Jim spoke up from the back of the room when your third and final song started to crackle to life.

“Well, aren’t you going to give them a shot?” He asked, in a warm, gentle tone.

“What are you three called?” Watts asked.

“Loba.” Wilda piped up, picking her nails in place of her guitar.

“It means ‘she wolf’ in Spanish.” Joane pointed out, twisting strands of her pale fringe as she perched on the edge of the bench at your side.

“Can you lot throw together the couple hundred bucks it takes to record, by the end of next week?” The producer asked.

“Yes.” You spoke up, though you weren’t sure how you’d get the money, this was the opportunity of a lifetime.

“Beach! Manage these lady wolves, will you?” Watts dragged his feet back to the floor with a thud.

“Me? I-I well,”

“You’ve got Queen, and who else? No one.” Watts exasperated. “McCartney has half our staff on lockdown this month and Iron Maiden has already gotten our three best workers to quit. You liked this mediocre garage rock well enough to say something…” The producer gathered your tape and tossed it to the manager with kind eyes and a smile under his furrowed brow. “Now everyone leave my office.”

You’d barely processed the life changing news as Jim turned toward you and your band with a grin that just kept growing.

“What do ya say, girls? Wanna make a record?”

///

You worked overtime and Joane got a second odd job to come up with the money to make a real-life record. And in a matter of a couple of months, you had an all new stage show, a new shiny Fender bass, and your very own album.

Well, almost. The record was in the final processes of being pressed. Watts helped put it together with his feet propped on the soundboard he manned. Past his usual cigar, he mumbled suggestions and even some encouragement; as you Wilda and Joane perfected the songs from your EP and threw together a couple more. Joane was praised for tightening her drum kit and bringing back up sticks. Wilda’s method of retuning her prized guitar worked without a hitch. You sang all your worries away with your bass playing in time. It was as easy as ever to work together, and one thousand times more terrifying all the same.

Jim lingered by on days like those, and on nights you’d booked gigs at local pubs and places of the like. On tea breaks, and in storage closets turned green rooms, Jim helped you and the girls make plans for the future. He carried around a pad of paper to jot down every time one of you thought up a new goal or two.

You went on and on about the sounds you heard in your head, and how you dreamed of bringing them to life. Of the words you longed to share with the world, and your favourite old tunes that never failed to inspire and excite.

Wilda dreamed of parties and people and places, the things she’d say on guest appearances and press tours. She dreamed of stages much more grandiose than the rickety old ones you were so familiar with now.

“We’d quite like to be as big as that other band of yours, one day.” Joane quipped, to a smiley Jim Beach. She was always going on about Queen. Bet she never dreamed of being graced with the assistance of her favourite band’s very own manager.

“No worries there.” Jim chuckled. “You ladies are a well-oiled machine compared to those four old bats. You’ll see for yourself tomorrow at the party.” He seemed to raise a brow like an omen but you couldn’t help but grin from ear to ear.

///

Your first ever album had been slowly climbing the charts since it’s release at the start of the week. When your single aired for the first time, Joane parked her old beaten down truck outside of your flat and turned her car’s radio up all the way. You dismissed your neighbour’s pleas for peace and quiet by hopping in your drummers ride and speeding away to EMI, squealing along to your very own song the whole way there.

You met your guitarist outside of the company’s biggest office. Inside, the three of you hurried through a few pages of papers, and scribbled your signatures along odd dotted lines. Just like that, you were signed.

Even though Loba was gifted a bottle of champagne and a couple of snapshots to prove it, the label decided a proper party was in order to welcome you. Apparently, EMI liked to use every excuse they could to make use of their loft and it’s impressive bar top that wrapped around nearly every wall.

So no sooner than you’d shuffled into the head office, you were escorted out and up to the very top floor. The party, Jim said, was already in full swing.

And that’s when you met his other band. Though he never said so outright, you could tell Jim was most excited to introduce you to the only other group he’d had the pleasure of working with till now. Behind poorly placed streamers and the backs of people too busy carrying on conversations to notice you, there was Queen. All lazily huddled together against a spot at the long and winding bar.

When Jim made his presences known, you and the girls stopped in your tracks and traded a few nervous glances.

Freddie Mercury was all of a sudden shifting his weight before the lot of you, casting a sweeping gaze across each of your faces.

“Miami, are these the children you’ve adopted now that we’re all grown up?” Freddie asked, greeting the manager and turning his oxen eyes to your band. His champagne sloshed in the glass he held near his chest as he threw one arm around Jim’s shoulders.

“Awe, you talk about us?” You jabbed an elbow toward the manager though you couldn’t quite reach where he stood. As his grin only grew, the rest of the band shifted closer.

“Boys, meet the girls.” Jim smiled, introducing you each by name.

But you couldn’t be sure if Roger even heard the manager’s introduction. The blonde floated up to your guitarist like he’d been supernaturally dragged across the room to meet her. Wilda stood before him, trying desperately not to pick at her nails, and smiled. You wanted to laugh, but you wanted to hurl. It was just too much, the way Roger seemed to drool at the simple sight of her, like Pepe Le Pew.

“What are you lovely ladies called, again?” He asked in a voice just as rasped as you’d come to recognize over the radio. Wilda blanched and seemed to go shy all of a sudden, but you weren’t.

“Loba.” You shrugged speaking in the drummer’s direction.

“What?” John asked, stepping closer to the other side of you, standing taller than you expected him to be.

“It means she-wolf.” Joane piped up, reciting her favourite and well-practised line. It always saved her from going too quiet, that fact.

“Uh-huh.” Roger seemed to agree, shifting to stand at Wilda’s side instead of ogling her head on- holding her gaze all the same.

“Better than their almost name. Guess what it was, lads.” Jim raised a brow to Freddie. Oh no. With Joane likely having shut down at the mention of her old idea, and Wilda entirely preoccupied with whispering to Roger, everyone turned to glance at you- Left with no choice but to bury your embarrassment and answer.

“Doin’ Alright.” You admitted through a smile, because if you didn’t laugh, who would? It was your drummer, resident Queen fanatic’s idea, one you talked her out of shortly after joining.

“How bloody un-o-fucking-riginal,” Brain huffed and crossed his long arms over his chest.

You had barely officially met the guy. He loomed near the back of the gathering and stood in silence, till then. And you might have thought he’d only been joking if it wasn’t for the way his stoic expression remained unchanged when your eyes met his for the first ever time.

“Hate to break it to ya, but your name was already sort of taken, too.” You pointed out, giving a weak mocking curtsy at the vague mention of her majesty. Queen’s guitarist’s glare remained.

“Oh, I like this one. Good ear, Miami.” Freddie sauntered over and nudged you away from Brian’s burning gaze. Roger was pointing Wilda out to the balcony, where a rowdy group grew larger every time you glanced out beyond the open glass doors.

“Don’t mind him.” John cocked his head toward the sulking guitarist, and handed you a bubbly drink. “He’s in the middle of a divorce and a midlife crisis, it’s really quite the combination.”

“Poor thing.” You stuck your lip out on your turn in Brian’s direction, as Freddie yanked you toward the balcony, laughing all the while. The wild-haired guitarist watched you leave with an expression you couldn’t quite understand, though you wanted too.

But before the lot of you could spin your separate ways and dance until sunrise, one of the men from the head office stopped in front of everyone with a smile.

“Nice to see you’re all already so well acquainted.” He said, in a sickeningly posh tone. Roger draped an arm across Wilda’s slim shoulders as the rest of you hummed in agreeance.

“So how would you like to tour together, then?” The man grinned. Freddie flourished, making a grand gesture and saying something about how that was the best idea he’d ever heard in his life. Joane turned to you, not even attempting to hide her squeal of excitement. Jim shared a look with John, like a proud father.

“Good. Because that’s what the label wants.” The man nodded and turned to Jim with instructions to phone him to start planning. Freddie swept you away to kick off a night of fun, and when you turned to see if Brian cared at all, he was gone.

///

Your single topped the charts in the US. Jim came into your work, feigned an emergency and gathered the rest of your band to share the good news over a celebratory brunch. You might have won over the yanks, but Queen had stolen the hearts of billions long before you’d written your first tune. So it was naturally decided your band would open for the much more renowned group.

You turned your two weeks notice into your job, and blew your last paycheck on an all-new wardrobe. If you were going to prance around America with the likes of Queen, you had to look the part. Some platforms and a few dazzling dresses found their way into your suitcase a week before it was time to go.

By the time you met up with the other band at the airport, you knew Roger well enough to stick out your tongue as a greeting. He’d come around your flat once, trailing behind Wilda to crash a night out you’d been planning all week. And again to steal her away from your last band meeting. When you, Joane and Wilda sleepily trudged through the waiting gates, he stole your guitarist away for the third time, and you wondered what might become of them.

You were still dazzled by Freddie, charmed by his laugh and stunned when he insisted on sitting next to you on the plane ride over, to share gossip. All of his friends seemed just as taken with the ethereal singer, too. John sprung up from his catnap to go help Freddie find the best snacks the airport had to offer. And while Jim sat going over the schedule with Joane, Brian sat across from you with his arms crossed and his legs a mile apart.

“Are you excited?” You wondered because you really wanted to know if someone who’d done this a time or two was still thrilled by it. But mostly, you wanted to get the lanky guitarist to open up a little. If you were going to spend a whole month and a half near each other, wouldn’t it be nice to get to know the guy a little?

“I’m tired.” Brian nodded, his hazel eyes fluttering toward the windows.

“Lighten up Mr. May. You could have my job. Was just sent to phone Fred’s cats and we haven’t even left home.” A man as gangly as Brian shuffled to sit at your side, adjusting the sunglasses on his head that did little to hide his thinning hair.

“I’m Crystal, that’s Ratty.” The guy pointed across the lounge to another slim, long-haired fellow bent over an open acoustic guitar case.

“We’re everyone’s personal lackeys and will be glad to lend you ladies a hand all the same.”

You thanked the guy with a chuckle and felt charmed enough by his sudden kindness to admit your growing nerves. But then Freddie and John were back, and the plane was ready, and it was time to go on tour.

///

The first week flew by in a flash. You were jarred by the size of every new arena and crowd that filled the seats. You lost yourself entirely to the music that blared from the speakers at your band’s command; but never got used to hearing the songs you once plucked away at in your bedroom, fill stadiums.

Going from entertaining grotty pubs to seas full of people wasn’t something you ever expected to happen. The sound of their collective cheers directed to your band didn’t seem real. All you could do was play on, and sing with your friends until the time came to rush to another green room, catch your breath, and a glimpse of the headlining act.

You usually only saw Queen in passing- in revolving hotel doors or shuffling about the same backstage halls. If you weren’t on stage, your band was hauled off to radio stations for interviews while Queen partied on. And if your band had an afternoon to do as you pleased, Queen was off signing records and privately touring art museums.

But there were the rare occasions your paths crossed for longer than a minute or two. John would always make a point to ask after you, from time to time. He said you and the girls seemed to be handling the road like old champs.

“I’m too busy to be bothered with stage fright.” You laughed, when John asked how you looked so at home in front of the crowds that had started to sing along to the songs you played.

Where most of Queen felt like friends your parents warned against staying out past curfew with, John felt like your older brother; who waited up to sneak you back home with a kind word.

Freddie always invited you to the after parties and nights out, even when he knew Loba was meant to do a photoshoot one city away. And when you failed to show up, the singer would always say he’d missed you. And you believed him, because of the nights he’d sneak in your hotel room to share the last of the liquor that had knocked the rest of his bandmates cold. Freddie went out of his way to include you and the girls more often than not.

But Roger seemed to include himself in your groups circle any chance he could get. He trailed behind Wilda, sure, but he seemed genuinely fond of chatting away with you and Joane all the same. And when your guitarist and Queen’s drummer partook in their weekly game of playing hard to get, you were awarded tiny moments with just Roger.

Like the time everyone crashed before midnight, and the two of you stayed up by the quiet hotel poolside, with an acoustic. It wasn’t long before your goofing around turned into some kind of jam session, and you were writing a song together. Roger insisted you keep it to use, and left the cocktail napkin full of scribbled lyrics tucked between the strings of Wilda’s guitar that you’d been left in charge of.

Then, there was Brian.

He strolled ahead of you off of the riverboat where both of your groups had been invited to enjoy a day off, cruising around somewhere in America’s deep south. You couldn’t help but watch Brian’s figure move as it seemed to tower just over all the people at his side. It was time to head back to the hotel, or at least, time for your freshwater adventure to end. Everyone was glad for the easy-going ride, still tired from the night before.

Maybe that’s why he was so quiet all afternoon. Brian usually was, but there was something more to his silence today. And you didn’t know the guy well enough to figure, or dare ask why. The weather was nice, and Queen was received with reverence every place they went. Brian had no reason to sulk- none you could possibly understand.

A slew of people with cameras and questions flocked to the boat docks as the one and only Freddie led the way, pretending to introduce Crystal as some kind of rockstar in his own right. The roadie ate up the attention as Brian’s pace set your own. You couldn’t move until he did. And while he stalled, cameras flashed and a desperate middle-aged man held a skinny microphone toward the band.

“Brian, how are you finding America?” They asked in a mousy pitch.

“Oh, it’s lovely here, as always.” Brian politely grinned, curling his fists in his jacket pockets, from what you could see.

“How’s touring with another group? Queen usually don’t need the support of an opening act.”

“Right.” Brian seemed to agree in a curiously cynical tone.

“They’re called Loba, and we quite like having them around.” Roger was suddenly shaking your shoulders like an overzealous coach. You chuckled at his antics as Brian dared to glimpse at the commotion.

He turned his gaze over his shoulder to look at you for a moment. It might have been the most exciting part of your whole day, considering how Brian hardly ever looked your way till now. But why did it have to be like that? What did you ever do to the guy?

The best you’d ever gotten from Brian was an empty hum when asked if he cared if you sat in the only open seat at his side, during some dinner. And over that meal, he chattered away with the likes of his band, and even yours. And maybe it was because you became utterly paranoid by his silence to break it with all of the questions you had for the guy. But he never spoke to you. The seat at Brian side seemed a void in his peripheral. And you were growing a bit anxious by the thought of actually being invisible to Brian. So you started speaking up.

When Freddie asked you with help on matching one of his many jackets with a pair of trousers, you’d already made up your mind, but twisted around to ask what Brian thought. His brows upturned in a painfully confused expression as he hesitantly gave his answer to Freddie’s clothing debacle. You got your own answer too, that at least Brian heard a voice coming from the space you existed in.

When both tour buses stopped for gas one random midnight; Roger raced you into the convenience store and distracted you from buying anything in place of dancing to The Cars tune crackling from the overhead speakers. Your spontaneous party was broken up when Brian breezed by with his freshly purchased candy bar in hand.

“We are on a schedule you know?” He glared your way on his turn to leave.

“I’m sorry you weren’t invited to the dance party Bri.” You mused, stopping the guy in his tracks, who turned to look at you in the way he did. “We’ll let you sulk in the corner of our next one, since it would obviously kill you to actually join in the fun.”

But all that got you was a roll of Brian’s hazel eyes and a cackle from Roger. That was the norm. Brian either seemed to pretend you weren’t there, or traded you bone chilling glares like you’d wronged him in a past life. But you’d never known less of a person than you’d known of Brian May, and you were beginning to wonder if going about finding out more was worth it.

///

By the time your next soundcheck came, Queen had nothing better to do than bop about the stadium to wait their turn. You and the girls rushed through your usual set up but decided to change things around for your second to the last song. And while you started to unplug it was decided Joane would have to turn a certain drum fill into a solo while Wilda rushed off stage to retune her only electric guitar to properly close out the show.

Brian overheard, from the place he stood arguing over an amp with Ratty, who’d kindly agreed to stick close by your band during times like now. The roadie shuffled over to take your bass away, while Brian issued a complaint.

“You’re going to retune? Just use a bloody capo and don’t waste everyone’s time.” Brian shifted his weight, furrowing his brow your way. Though you weren’t the guitarist in question, you seemed to be the one and only person Brian felt most comfortable yapping at.

“There’s more than one way to do things, you know?” You pointed.

“Yeah,” Brian shrugged, agreeing with you in a breathtaking turn of events. But then again, not really… “The right way and the wrong way.”

“Christ no wonder you’re divorced.” You shook your head in the guy’s direction. His eyes might have been pretty if they weren’t burning into yours with such disdain. Then you both made a show of storming past each other. You were getting really sick of his attitude, and what it did to yours.

///

“Oh no. Oh no, no, no!” You cried, cradling your bass that had fallen from the stand to the concrete floor below. The neck was ever so slightly cracked and a tuning peg was bent and your heart was near stopping. When you looked up from the ground, you saw Ratty cursing out one of the stadiums impish young stagehands. The kid had blown an amp and sent it smoking, and your guitar flying off the stage in his rush to run from the trouble he’d stirred.

You clutched your one and only instrument to your chest and hurried away for help. Ratty was wrestling the broken amp, Crystal was nowhere to be seen, and John was off phoning home. You recalled the sights of the city from yesterday’s afternoon off. There was a guitar shop across from the Chinese place where you stopped for lunch.

So you raced past Joane and shouted that you’d be back in an hour. The exact amount of time you had until it was time to go on stage.

You ran down the city streets with your bass in your arms like a wounded child. The guitar shop appeared like a beacon.

Inside was blaring a song by Led Zeppelin you might have wanted to sing along too if your heart wasn’t in your throat. There was a mass of teenaged boys crowded the counter. You waited, held your breath and checked the clock as it ticked away at a frightening speed. By the time the boys buying strings and straps shuffled away, you threw your broken baby to the older man behind the counter. He assured you the fix would be a breeze and tried to sell you an overpriced Gibson while you waited. You stood drumming beats on the sales counter and tried not to scream when the clock showed you’d only had ten minutes left to waste. A couple more later, your bass was in your grasp. You threw an extra bit of cash to the guy and ran off in a flurry, praying to make it on time.

You’d never ran so fast, certainly. You didn’t even have time to apologize to a kid on a bike who had to swerve out of your way. You burst through the back doors of the stadium, much to the shock of the doorman. When he shouted at you to take it easy, you ceased running to walk as fast as you could toward the green room.

Brian was the first familiar face to greet you after the nerve-wracking scene.

“So nice of you to finally show up.” He let out a mocking cheer from the place he kicked back on a torn leather sofa. So relaxed in his gloom. Your heart used to ache at the thought of his troubles. At the sight of his far off gaze as his friends joked on around him. When Freddie would drunkenly whisper to you details of Brian’s trying year. But the guitarist’s sneers your way were getting old, and the ache in your heart for him was slowly growing cold.

Freddie spun to greet you, let out a sigh of relief like an anxious mother, reaching out to adjust your shirt collar skewed under the strap of your instrument.

“Well, my guitar had to get fixed one way or the other. And unlike you, your highness, we haven’t got a gaggle of roadies to call upon.” You swatted Freddie away and snapped toward Brian.

“No, but what’s ours is yours. Next time ask for help.” John spoke like a stern father, tossing you a bottle of water and pointing toward the clock on the wall. You had about a minute to run out on stage.

“Let her learn the hard way, Deacy. She seems to like it that way.” Brian rang. You dashed away before you had time to curse him.

“Brian, stop being such a bitch, I mean, my God.” Freddie whined as you stormed off, glad for once that someone else seemed fed up with the guitarist’s sharp tongue, too.

///

When the show was over, John insisted you hop along his band’s tour bus back to the hotel. The other two-thirds of your band were still enjoying the amenities of the afterparty, and you were in the middle of trading bass themed horror stories with Deacy. So he kept on talking as you walked to follow him, settling near the front of the ride as it travelled to your latest hotel.

As Queen shuffled to cross the bleak lot to get to the grandiose lodge, Brian was the last to leave. He shouldered past you with that same old sullen pout. His eyes caught yours for a moment before he took another step, but something about the usual interaction was the final straw for you.

“What the hell did I ever do to you?” You demanded to know, as Brian’s bandmates disappeared inside the hotel. Brian stalled reluctantly and turned to face you with pursed lips and the smallest shake of his head.

“Look,” He began, as you stood ready to get to the bottom of whatever this was. “I’ve really never meant to be so cross with you. And I’m sorry my temper’s been so easily getting the better of me. I am sorry.” Brian nodded. He looked exhausted, like this was the millionth time he’d had to give a similar speech, but he did so in such a genuine manner- that you could only stand and trade a perplexed gaze to the lanky guitarist.

“It’s… it’s best if we just keep to ourselves, yeah?” Brian concluded, turning away with one final nod. You didn’t get the chance to agree, or disagree, or understand what just happened before Brian was on his way, and you were on your own.

///

After the tour was said and done, a new year was just kicking off. And the label was pushing for another album right out the gate. You and the girls had two months to throw together a collection of new songs, and were struggling for most of the time to do just that.

The song Roger helped you write was the best one you had to offer, and Joane was nearly crippled under the stress of being creatively confined to a certain amount of time. You’d never had such a hard time working together before, and the pressure was building up between each of your bandmates in a way you were afraid of.

When Watts strolled in to take control of the soundboard you’d been fiddling with all morning, you couldn’t help but to warn him against changing any of your settings. You and the girls were finally making some kind of progress, albeit bickering along the way. Poor Jim could only sorrily sigh each time one of you turned and ask for his help. This bit of work was a little outside of the managers league.

And Watts only seemed to egg you on, pressing the few buttons you asked him not to.

“You want to control this soundboard so bad, have at it.” He stood in a huff, “I only strongly suggest you don’t fuck this up.” The producer hissed before slipping out of the door. He smiled a smile that made you queasy, and you nodded knowing full well you were on thin ice.

Jim left you and the girls to fight over tempos and key changes and came back from the studio’s kitchenette with an unexpected announcement.

“Brian is coming.” He said, matter of factly.

“What’d you call him for?” Joane groaned from the floor, where she laid fiddling with her kit.

“Because Queen is the best help I know. But Freddies in Barcelona, John’s with his family, Roger is MIA and Brian is right down the road. You lot have a day left, and I’m running out of helpful ideas. And quite frankly, you girls are in need of a lot of it.”

“Yeah, maybe, but now nothing will get done.” Joane countered. “Not with the way he and y/n square off like old alley cats.”

“He’ll be here in five. Come on lady wolves… Claws up, plugs in.” Jim pointed as he sat back down on the studio sofa, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Wilda shot into a speech, begging you over and over to keep it cool. The sooner you started, the better. She was right, and you wanted nothing more than to get this record finished. So with a nod, you accepted your fate.

Brian strolled in the studio right on time. His eyes looked desperate for sleep, and his already wild mane seemed even more unkempt. His small smile Jim’s way made you want to reach past the wall Brian put up, and shake his shoulders, and tell him it was okay to be actually happy once in a while.

Maybe it was the time that had passed since the tour. Maybe Brian forgot that he’d cared so little for you, and that’s why his faint grin lingered when his eyes met yours, past the glass of the recording booth. You willed your own weak smile his way, weary of this new civility, but just as tempted to take it in stride.

“Hello, ladies. Let’s see what you’re working with so far, shall we?” Brian leaned in and spoke just to you, it seemed. Maybe it was because you were closest, front and centre before the guy in a little glass box.

You’d felt more vulnerable than ever, under his forest coloured gaze. There was no place to run off and hide. You were right in Brian’s line of sight, right under his thumb, as he pressed a button stopped your band from playing to suggest a few dozen changes.

You knew he was here to help. And Jim looked so hopeful, tapping his foot to the beat in the corner of the room. So even though your throat was going dry as Brian settled his eyes on your bass- you played on. When he stopped you again, your blood began to boil.

“Please tell me you plan on adding a keyboard? A harmonica, something else?” Brian grimaced.

“We only play on the record what we can play on stage as a three-piece.” Joane raised a drumstick to make a point.

“Yeah well, it’s sure sounding that way.” The older and wiser musicians voice crackled through the speaker.

“Fuck you, that sounded good!” You hissed into the mic, wielding your bass like a weapon. That might'a been the best take you’d done all day.

“Yeah, but it didn’t sound great. If I turned my car radio on to that I’d fall asleep at the wheel. Joane, try using your snare on the bridge, instead of the cymbals. Y/n… from the top.” Brian sighed, sitting back in his chair like an exhausted parent.

You sighed too, adjusting your headphones and tossing Wilda a glare, a sign that you couldn’t keep your cool much longer.

You tried harder. But Brian kept stopping you. And every time he did, you couldn’t be stopped from cursing him just a little. If he’d only give you just one chance to find your rhythm, you might’ve made a whole record by now. When you told him as much, he let you play on for almost half a song before he’d stopped you again. When he did, you nearly exploded. But Joane snapped first. She got up from her kit, chucked her headphones, and stormed away. You slung your bass away to follow after her, but Wilda was quicker and raced out of the back to chase Joane down.

That left you with time enough to break out of the glass box and give Brian a few choice words.

“Way to fucking go, drill sergeant.” You gestured toward the guy who was slow to rise from his place before the soundboard.

“It’s not my fault she decided to-”

“Yeah, it is. Thanks for showing up and doing fuck all.”

“I came here to help you, and I could do if you’d stop acting like a damn child.” He pointed a finger your way, and the fire in his gaze sent a chill down your spine for the first time ever. You weren’t afraid of him. You were only stunned by the way he spoke to you. The way he always had. Why did Brian bother showing up here tonight?

“We might be able to take some of your suggestions if you stopped stopping us! Why don’t you just stick to pissing your own band off? You do it so well.”

You’d heard him trade sharper words with Queen. Roger told you that Brian was just working through some things. John said he’d always been like this. You just couldn’t understand why you got the worst of it.

“Well, it’s clear you’ve got more than enough hell to give your own group. You might sound less like the second place winners of your primary school’s talent show if you learned to stop making so many executive decisions.”

“I have a suggestion for you.” You decided, “Why don’t you take all your bleeding suggestions and fu-”

“Yeah, alright, let’s all take a break.” Jim intervened as you let out an exhausted sigh that doubled as a frustrated cry. The manager waved Brian over and the two men started to share a word as you stormed out of the back from fresh air and a clearer mind.

“He’s right you know. We sound like a washed-up wedding band.” Wilda shouted your way as she stayed leaning back against the hood of her car with a cigarette in hand.

“Where is Joane?” You asked, already knowing the answer. Wilda glanced at the empty parking spot where your drummer’s new mustang was earlier today. Great. Just what you needed.

“Right. Let’s forget everything, and finish. We’ll just… get it done.”

And so that’s what you did. Brian was gone when you ventured back in, and his absence left a familiar little ache in your heart. You didn’t like shouting at each other like cross siblings. You’d wanted to be his friend more than anything, at the start of all of this. The stars that might have aligned for that chance were all askew by now.

Jim left you and Wilda to go fetch some takeaway. Then he sat around the small table in the studio and shared dinner and some words of wisdom with the two of you. You thanked your manager for being so kind, and forgiving of your antics thus far. He chuckled and said something about having witnessed and dealt with much worse. Jim stayed a while longer, while you and Wilda worked together, and it was you who had to encourage the guy to go home and get some rest.

He entrusted the key to the place to you and your bandmate and left you to finish up for the evening. And you did, eventually. You and the eager guitarist listened back to the tapes and added in riffs and fills, and even a few of Brian’s suggestions; until well past midnight. But right on time for the label.

You could sleep soundly knowing you’d finished when you were meant to. But your dreams were full of worry that the record still wasn’t good enough.

///

“You did what?” Joane shrieked in the hall of your flat.

“We had to finish, Joane. You never came back, what else were supposed to do?” You yelled back, worry saturating your tone. It was far too early to be having this fight.

“You were supposed to wait for me!” Joane shouted, looking to you with big sad eyes. You rushed to remind her that you were out of time, and she could have shown back up and helped you finish, but she didn’t. And in her typical fashion, the drummer spun on her heels and stormed away, fringe flying far behind her shoulders as she shouted something about never coming back.

The girl had been known to fly off the handle on occasion. There was the time she drove your van away from a sketchy Welsh pub you travelled miles to play in, because Wilda called the drummers shoes ugly. Or the time she nearly chucked her cymbals from your third story flat window. You prayed that this episode was like the others you’d endured as you shut your door and rushed to get ready. It was time to take your record to the head office.

No one was particularly happy to find your three-piece only consisted of two when you showed up with Wilda to present your latest creation. Jim flashed a couple of smiles as the tracks played on, but all you noticed were Wilda’s shrugs. The record was done. But under unexpectedly trying circumstances and lacking a lot of help from your drummer. It wasn’t what you’d envisioned. The label still decided it was good enough, and sent you to fill a couple of talk show slots before the week was up.

You went with your guitarist to a couple of press junkets, and watched as your dazzling friend gave away answers she’d been practising since before you’d played your first gig. The only thing that made her umber eyes glow brighter was the sight of Roger Taylor waiting up after a certain interview. He invited her back to wherever it was he’d run off to, and Wilda had the decency to look toward you with a furrowed brow.

With a sigh, you agreed to handle the rest of the press on your own. Because she deserved to have the fun she’d been wishing for with the capricious drummer.

Four talk shows, three guest appearances, and one very hectic game show later, it was time for your record release. Roger phoned to assure he’d bring Wilda back in the nick of time. But Joane wasn’t answering her phone. You’d hoped after a bit of space that your drummer would come back around. But she wasn’t any place you’d gone to look. You spent until the witching hour driving to the places you knew she might have been and came up short.

When the time came to get ready for the party, half of your time getting ready was spent trying to hide the dark circles under your eyes. Before you left home, you took a couple of shots and prayed tonight wouldn’t crash and burn around you.

///

The mansion belonged to the head of the company, a place he’d invite people to when celebrations were too grandiose to fit in EMI’s loft. You wondered if you were the last to arrive when you opened the massive carved doors to find the stunning home littered with faces most of whom you didn’t recognize. One you did finally emerged from the crowd.

“Thank God you made it, I feared I’d have to put on a show instead.” Freddie chuckled, greeting you with glee. You ruffled the boa around his neck, thanked him for showing up, and wondered where you could find the drinks.

“I’ll take you round back dear, but you’d better hurry. The old important men are tired of waiting.” You could have explained how you’d waited up in hopes that Jonae would phone. And how when the phone did ring, it was Wilda worrying that she’d missed the only flight back home. But you only gave Freddie a sorry smile and spun into the garden. There was a bar in the veranda, where a handsome man made a show of mixing you a drink, making little passes along the way.

The time you thought you were stalling by answering all of the dude’s dumb questions was very soon interrupted. All of a sudden a towering guitarist was casting a shadow over you, and swiftly excusing the man behind the minibar.

“It’s about bloody time you showed up.” Brian rang in a mockingly sweet timbre. And as your stomach fluttered with nerves, you knew time was up. But how could you release a record without the rest of your band?

When you started to argue as much, Brian clamped his fingers around your arm like a vice and yanked you away from the bar and the drink you didn’t even get to try.

“Saving the day again, are you?” You rang dryly, as he towed you away. Brian’s face was set in its usual frown, one you’d become so familiar with that his smile on magazine covers made you look twice. He said nothing as he marched you out of the yard and into the mansion. You figured he’d part ways from you once you passed through the doors, but his grip didn’t loosen on the way down the empty marble hallway.

“Let me go.” You struggled, huffing out the words as you fought his grip and won. Before you had time to storm away, Brian spun to face you.

“Would you grow the fuck up? There is a room full of people depending on you and you’re acting like a fucking child, like always.”

“I’m not a child.” You hissed, curled your fists and glared up at Brian as he loomed over you. His shirt was unbuttoned halfway down his chest. His feet and fiery eye’s pointed to back you into the corner. But you wouldn’t let him get to you. “I’m trying my best it’s just not fucking good enough.”

A bit of a waver passed through your tone, as you targeted the words through your teeth. You watched Brian bend at the knee to look right in your eye, and pretended not to hold your breath.

“No, you aren’t.” Brian pointed a finger right at you and spoke in a low, unnerving rumble. “I’ve seen you at your best and I can guarantee you’re far from it, tonight.” He snarled, glaring you up and down with those dangerous hazel eyes. They raked over the span of your figure before landing on yours once more. “You look a bloody mess.”

“Because I’ve been running around till two in the damn morning, trying to find Joane! And when I couldn’t, I had to finish everything all on my own again. Because Roger took Wilda away and bought her nice pretty shoes and put her in good graces with all the higher-ups, and unlike her, I have to earn that shit myself.” You yelled, the dam holding back your bottled up emotion had crumbled in the overflow. You could feel the threat of tears stinging the backs of your eyes as Brian stood gaping at you in your outburst.

“So now I’ve lost my voice from all the interviews and the lack of sleep and I probably won’t be able to sing on tour to promote this shite album with a single you’ll switch off when it comes on the radio, anyway!”

And before you’d even stopped shouting, it seemed, Brian had his hands on either side of your face, and his lips pressed to yours. Your back was pushed to the wall and it took great effort not to melt down it with the way you were consumed by an all new kind of fire; mixed among the usual. But above it all, you were too shocked to kiss him back. Then you parted from each other, and past his unbuttoned top you watched the rise and fall of Brian’s chest while he caught his breath and stared at you.

“What the bloody hell was that?” You asked in a stunned hush. Brian blinked and shook his curls.

“I’m, I- I don’t- I didn’t mean-”

“You think you can just kiss me and, I don’t know, that everything is just magically going to be okay?” You wondered in a fluster, knowing there was nothing that could be done about the blush burning your cheeks. After months of frowning every time the two of you passed each other he kisses you?

“No. No I- I’ve always wanted to kiss you and I just thought I knew better than to do it.”  Brian held up a hand like he was swearing not to come closer. Talk about some seriously mixed messages.

“What?” You asked in an embarrassingly high squeak.

“I wanted to kiss you before I even knew your name. And it just seemed like the entirely wrong thing to do. So I shut you out, and my ire kept getting the better of me, and that’s not an excuse, just the truth,” Brian sighed, at what seemed like a sudden loss for words as his eyes searched yours.

“Well, you’ve gone and done it now.” You pointed out with the faintest laugh despite everything. Brian shook his head, asking, in a way, to understand what you were on about.

So you shook your head too, and latched onto his loose collar. You yanked Brian closer because you weren’t angry. You were actually feeling fine all of a sudden about everything. Only sure that you had to kiss him again good and proper. It was your first kiss with him, really, as your mouths moved together. Brian’s fingers were wrapped around your arm again, less claw-like than moments ago. And he didn’t seem too keen to break away from pushing you a little closer to the wall, a second time around.

But just as you lost yourself to the feeling of Brian’s frame moulded against your own, your name was hollered from somewhere down the hall. Music grew louder over the speakers that reached out to the sparsely decorated hall. Brian let you go, and you released your latch on his shirt to wipe your lips in a hurry.

But before you could scurry away, you watched Brian watch you prepare to bolt, and couldn’t help the small smile blooming across your face. He smiled, too.

You looked a mess. You were a mess. And you might’ve been one step away from fucking this whole thing up. But for the first time all year, you accepted it.

///

Your second record, somehow, was praised by the label and adored by the steadily growing following you’d gained. The old burnt out hippie man who ran your home town record store stood from his torn leather stool and applauded you, the day you came in to buy the Talking Heads new record.

“You’re really finding your sound, man.” The old hippie grinned. You told him to sit back down and thanked him despite your embarrassment. He asked you to autograph the cash box and gave you a discount on the album you bought.

After your single reached the top five in the charts, you talked Joane back around. It wasn’t easy. You had to promise you’d keep a cooler head, and she did too. She started stopping over every Sunday with a book of songs for you to think up a tune to, and turned the radio up every time one of your hits came on air. You laughed when she danced around your coffee table like it was the first time she was hearing your band name on the lips of a local dj.

Wilda cut all her hair off and wore the shoes Roger bought her everywhere. She talked about him after every breath, but you knew she hadn’t talked to him in months. Queen were busy planning a tour of Europe and trying to save the families that hadn’t already slipped through the cracks at the homes they bought but hardly visited.

You knew because you called Freddie to ask after Brian.

“Why are you asking about Brian?” You could hear the smile in Freddie’s voice, after he’d finished gabbing about the others.

“I want to know how all you boys are, naturally.” You panicked, realizing how lame your excuse was as you spoke it into the receiver. Freddie only hummed after a beat, and let another silence linger before speaking up again.

“I know you both secretly care for each other. Just give him time love, he’ll come around.” Freddie chirped before giving you a sweet farewell and hanging up.

Throughout your ever-changing year, Freddie had been more than kind to you. He’d become your friend. He gave away secrets like a kid at a slumber party. And when Brian came up in his conversation, Freddie always got serious. When the singer told you about the rough year Brian had been through, and the state of his well being, Freddie seemed to look at you with all of the seriousness in the world. Like he was desperate for you to understand. Did he know you were desperate to understand? Did he know Brian kissed you?

You could have phoned Brian. But you were too busy secretly hoping he’d ring you.

///

Your only notable call came from Jim, who gently nudged you to agree to being Queen’s opening act, once again.

“It’s what the fans want, according to the label. It’s what the label wants.” Jim explained, in the soft, kind, way that protected the guy from ever receiving a glare or harsh word from you, or Brian, you realized.

“We’ll do it, if the royal court isn’t up in arms.”

“Freddie said, and I quote, 'Beg her on my behalf and tell her I’ll fly home from Barcelona to do it myself if she even thinks of saying no.’”

So you called your band, packed a bag and showed up to the airport at five in the bloody morning with a smile on your face.

And then you were off. For the first week, a local band had been chosen from each new city, to open for Loba. By the time you, Wilda, and Joane took the stage, each audience of what seemed like billions were more electric than the last. You’d never had more fun, jumping around to the music you’d worked your ass off to create with the girls. You each ran off stage, changed in a flurry and ran back to the sidelines to watch Queen light up the black ink night. And like the last time, that was about the only time you’d see much of them- till one show got delayed when a wicked storm showed no signs of passing.

Roger took Wilda to dinner, and she followed his burning trail after about a minute of pretending she wasn’t at all interested. Joane made a speech about everyone catching up one sleep, before she crashed in your bed with her shoes still on. After unlacing her heavy boots and tossing them aside, you went to find your favourite band of boys gathering in the lobby with plans to go out.

“Now the party can really start.” Crystal grinned, reaching to wrap a strong arm around your neck as he pulled you to follow the gang to the limo in waiting. You broke loose of the roadies hold and shoved him into the back of the car before crouching in yourself.

A couple of girls you’d never met sat on either side of Freddie, and cast their doe eyes to John who scooted over to make room for you. And holding the bassist’s attention was Brian, who had yet to look your way all week. Ah, just like old times. You both had been busy. But you couldn’t stop from wondering if there was something more to it…

Had you upset Brian beyond your wildest dreams, when you kissed? Did he smile at you after it happened in the way people who were so angry did, that their furry appeared in a mask of calm?

Or… did you finally get him to shut up for good? Did he realize how unremarkable you were? That you weren’t even good enough to bicker with any longer? Pushing his buttons was one thing. But you always hated the times you and Brian paired harsh words with those deadly glares. Now that you were getting the silent treatment though, you’d take his arguing with you with a relieved smile.

Freddie pulled you along into a club adorned in sickening green uplighting. The purple-tinted insides held a crowded bar and a dance floor where patrons overflowed toward the restrooms. Some tune by The Velvet Underground was pulsing through the speakers as Freddie spun you around, dancing you both closer to the mass of people doing the same.

You noticed members of your group beginning to lose themselves in the crowd when you decided a drink was in order. The bar was packed, so much so that you nearly couldn’t turn to see who you’d wedged yourself against until you felt him tense up.

Brian kept his eyes on the wall decorated with drink options and dared not move as you shifted to notice him. His hip jabbed into your side, his white knuckles rested on the ledge of the bar brushed against your arm as he drew his hands together.

“Aren’t we going to talk about it?” You asked all of a sudden. If it were up to you, you would have cornered Brian like he’d cornered you, that night. But the tour had been so busy, and this was the closest you’d been since the night he pushed you against the wall… And you couldn’t take it anymore.

Still, Brian kept his eyes pointed front and said nothing.

“You kissed me first, ya know?” You spoke plainly, desperate for a response.

The barman shoved a tall drink toward Brian’s chest just then, at the same time Freddie reached past a few strangers to yank his guitarist toward the dance floor. As he was pulled away, Brian’s eyes swept over yours, and they were prettier than ever.

///

You’d nearly forgotten all your troubles that weekend, as everyone rushed to make up the cancelled show with two in a row, and one another city away with no time to sleep, not really.

After a montage of screaming crowds, ringing guitars, and squirming in and out of too-tight clothes, a three day break awaited the lot of you at long last. You trekked behind familiar faces down a lime green hotel hall, and dreamed of sleeping until you were good and ready to wake up.

Freddie waved as he twirled into his room, and Roger followed Wilda all the way down the hall. And while you watched your feet move toward your room number a few dozen doors away, you were stopped in your tracks.

You grinned when you recognized the feeling of the fingers around your arm, and the way Brian dragged you in his tow. You didn’t have far to go, just behind the door he was already closing in one swift move…

And in a flash, the door was shut and he was kissing you like how he did before, without a word, all of a sudden. Like he was trying to suck the life out of you. You kissed him right back, like you’d been dreaming of doing since you knew how nice it was.

And then you shoved him away. Because you wanted this, but not like last time.

“You’re not going to leave me in the quiet after tonight are you? I might at least be able to stand the radio silence if I knew what it was all about.” You searched Brian’s face in the dark. All the while, you kept ahold of his shirt sleeves and slowly found your way to his haphazardly made hotel bed.

“I was afraid.”

“Afraid?” You couldn’t help but chuckle. He’d treated you with all the interest of a passive-aggressive house cat since the day you met. Brian went quiet as you guided him to sit on the mattress, leary to close the space between you until he spoke up again. Though his long fingers fell feather-light against your hips, you only kept yours on his shoulders and held his gaze, silently hoping he’d speak up again.

“Of how desperately I’ve always wanted you.” He whispered while his fingers curled to grip you the slightest bit closer. “There were about one thousand reasons I was afraid of ever kissing you, and they all seemed even scarier after I did.”

Brian let his eyes rake up your figure before meeting your own. His lips were close enough to brush yours now. It made such sense, now. All those looks weren’t really glares. All those bitter words weren’t so malice. The tension that lied between you and Brian was all to do with how badly you’d wanted to be this close all along.

Maybe he was afraid to cross that line, because of all the love he’d so recently lost. Or maybe it was because of how young and dumb you really were. And maybe it was because of something you wouldn’t come to find out for a while, yet. You decided there wasn’t time to worry over why, tonight. That could come later.

“I hope you realise now, there’s nothing to fear.” You wrapped a hand around Brian’s neck and watched his eyes search yours in the dark. Then he nodded, softly bumping his head against yours. He pulled you closer between his legs and kissed you. You pushed him to lay down and started on your mission to show Brian just how fond of him you really were.

“I’m still pissed that we could have been doing this ages ago.” You breathed a laugh as Brian’s teeth grazed your neck.

“Never could handle not getting your way, could you?” He hummed against the skin you’d started to expose.

“I mean it.” You chuckled, tugging at a few of Brian’s highlighted curls. His head lulled until he was looking at you again. Brian stayed perfectly fitted against you while his eyes peered into yours. You recognized the uncertain look on his face, but it was different than before. Softer. Sadder, maybe. 

“You really want this?” He asked in a soft timbre.

“Yes.” You nodded, tracing the length of his nose just because. A bit of quiet lingered after your assurance.

“But do you want me?” Brian asked in a hush. His sweet voice saturated in a worry you didn’t realize he had.

“Yeah,” You nodded again, searching his pretty hazel eyes as you placed both of your hands on the sides of his lovely face. “I want you Bri.”

The kiss you shared then was one that meant more than you knew a kiss could. There was something about Brian, a part of him you’d always longed to know. You felt closer than ever to that side of the guitarist now, when he deepened the kiss, and you felt him smile.

///

You woke up with a song in your head.  A melody left over from a dream. But instead of rushing to find a pen and paper, you rolled over to covet the warmth of your unexpected company.

Brian draped an arm across your middle and hummed in delight when you nuzzled closer. You stayed like that, perfectly content in the tangled up sheets, watching the patterns of the sun through the window on their slow shift across the room.

“We’re going to have to leave this bed at some point you know?” You sat up a little after dozing off for the third time in a row. Brian stayed happily tucked close to your side. “And someone is more than likely going to figure this out.”

“That’s fine by me.” Brian shrugged, peering up to you from the pillows you leaned against.

“We’re supposed to hate each other.” You reminded through a sleepy chuckle. Brian only grinned and blinked, conjuring up a thought.

“I never hated you. I might always be sorry for picking such fights. I did always want the best for you, I just had a nasty way saying so.” Brian murmured thoughtfully.

He caught your eye once more and the corners of his mouth turned up when he looked to find you were already staring at him, trying to memorize the perfect outline of his profile against the bright sunlight. You inched lower to meet his gaze, and said,

“I think we might’ve finally figured out what’s best for both of us.”

And the way Brian looked at you then sent a chill down your spine that raced back up and shot through your heart in one go.

“S'Just, sometimes you’re a real bitch.” You joked to fight the way your heart was beginning to beat like a drum. Because you weren’t quite brave enough to fall all the way in love yet. But you decided just as quickly that Brian was probably worth falling for.

“I know. And sometimes you’re fucking unbearable.” He countered with a smirk.

“Yeah, I guess so.” You noted with a laugh. You had it real bad for this guy. And that kind of scared the shit out of you. How could this have happened so quickly? How had you failed to see it coming? What if it was over no sooner than it began?

“But…” The only thing that broke through your hesitancy was Brian’s long fingers slowly trailing across your jaw.  "Do you want me?“ You echoed his statement from the night before, in a hush. You’d only just realized the depth in asking so.

"Yeah.” Brian said, wrapping a lean arm snug around your middle without a moment’s hesitation. “I want you.”

And he said so like he was trying to encapsulate all the things that made you whole and wonderful and unbearable all at once. And even then, you giggled before leaning in for a kiss.

You spent the rest of what was left of that morning doing all the things you’d done the night before. And when you decided to finally get dressed, you and Brian hopped into your clothes while squabbling over what and when to tell your friends.

You hoped you’d get to hear his maddening whinging on for the rest of forever. Because if it ever became too much, at least you’d finally discovered some pretty effective ways to shut each other up.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

[aylinaliens]

I am officially caught up on Oxygen and I started it yesterday, so that’s a new record. I’m so freaking obsessed! And, I’d love some recs because I need more to watch. My first step into the world of Bls came from My Engineer which was brilliant and frustrating, but I loved it. Now, I’m just looking for more and more and more, and this started in July 😂. I’d love some recs and to pop in randomly to chat about the bls if you’d be up for it because they all kill me ~♉️

Sorry for the delayed response but I wanted to take some time to compile a list of recs for you. I tried to mainly rec ones that are mainly available on YouTube, Viki, Line TV, and Netflix but if you need help finding links to watch them let me know!

I highly recommend these (based on the previous ones you’ve seen or ones that I personally loved):

Cherry Magic: This is a Japanese BL that’s currently airing but it’s so good and easily my favorite of the year. It has a wacky premise but it’s very heartwarming, realistic, and soft.

Like In The Movies (aka Gaya Sa Pelikula): This recently ended like a week ago but it was a masterpiece. GSP accurately depicts the struggle of being the LGBTQ+ community and is just generally really well made in terms of the script, cinematography, and OST. There were quite a few BL’s from Philippines released this year but IMO this was the best.

He’s Coming to Me: Incredibly underrated which sucks because it’s really good. The premise is very unique and it’s another accurate depiction of the struggles that LGBTQ+ individuals have to go through. This is pretty angsty but hilarious/heartwarming/adorable at the same time.

Theory of Love: People either absolutely adore TOL or absolutely despise TOL. I personally adored it because I’m a big fan of angst, flawed characters (oh boy were they flawed), and OffGun so it’s one of my favorites. But fair warning the characters are frustrating. So frustrating that you’ll probably want to reach through the screen to smack them but if you hang on till the end it’s worth it. Plus they just released a special episode like a month ago and it really improved any issues I had with TOL.

The Untamed: this is technically labeled as being a ‘bromance’ because of China’s censorship laws but like...it’s extremely obvious that the two ML’s are more than just platonic bros. In the book it’s based on they were together romantically and the drama does a good job of expressing the love they share with subtle (and not so subtle) looks, dialogue, cinematography, touches, and music. The Untamed is very long and at times confusing but 100% worth it.

History 3 Trapped: This was my first introduction to BL and it spoiled all other ones for me. It’s about a gangster and a police officer who go from enemies to lovers. The plot is messy but the chemistry between the leads + second leads makes up for that.

Where Your Eyes Linger: This is a Korean BL and almost everyone I talked to ended up loving this. Sadly this is really short (only 8 episodes that are 10 minutes long) but it’s worth it. It’s about two childhood friends—one of them is the son of a wealthy family and the other is his bodyguard. It handles the friends to lovers excellently and plus the leads have a ton of chemistry.

Mr. Heart: Another Korean BL that was produced by the same company that did WYEL. It’s also short but it’s fluffy and adorable which is a big shift tone from WYEL but I loved both equally.

Life Love On The Line: Another Japanese BL! It came out this year and I feel like it’s really underrated. It’s based on a short manga so the length of the series isn’t that long (4 ep that are 20-30 min long) but it still manages to effectively tell a beautiful love story.

Kinou Nani Tabeta? (What Did You Eat Yesterday): I’m only on episode 1 but...woah. People need to stop sleeping on this. It’s a slice of life drama centered around two men in their forties who are already together. It’s wholesome, soft, and makes me feel all warm inside. Please give this a chance okay?

I Told Sunset About You: I haven’t finished this yet but it’s honestly a masterpiece. The cinematography...the OST...the acting...the script...I’m in complete awe of the whole thing.

Gameboys: Another wonderful PINOY BL! It’s set during this year when the pandemic is going on and it was really good—so good that it got a GL spin off (Pearl Next Door, I highly rec this too even if it’s not BL) and a season 2 which comes out next year.

Hello Stranger: Honestly the Philippines are thriving this year because this was another stellar BL! It’s kind of like Gameboys in how almost the whole drama is filmed over video chat/social media but it was very cute. I believe Hello Stranger is also releasing a movie next year.

Ingredients: This is literally just a very long supermarket ad that’s been going on for 8 months now but it’s adorable. It’s a very low stakes fluffy BL where nothing happens plot wise yet you can’t put it down. Plus...they were roommates ;)

Sotus/Sotus S: not one of my favorites but it’s one of the OG bl’s for a reason. So many people loved the first season but didn’t care for the second (but it was the complete opposite for me). This is kind of the one of the most quintessential Thai BLs out there so feel free to give it a try.

History 2 Right or Wrong: Bls rarely center around mature individuals let alone parents so when I found out the premise of this I was sold. Its only 4 episodes so it’s not the most fleshed out thing ever made but it was incredibly adorable, fluffy, and as honest as they can to address LGBTQ+ parenting. Basically it’s about this college student who ends up as a babysitter for his professor (yeah okay that premise is not for everyone so just be aware if you don’t like that kind of thing) and they fall in love. The whole thing is so fluffy and heartwarming!

Ossan’s Love: This is a Japanese BL about this thirty year old office worker who finds himself in a weird love triangle between his married boss and roommate. I know it sounds like a mess and trust me it definitely is but it’s hilarious. It was a wild ride start to finish but I loved (and hated) every second of it.

Diary of Tootsies: Okay this isn’t a typical BL I guess but it’s about three gay men + their lesbian best friend so you know what? I’m including it on this list. It’s hilariously dumb yet also addresses serious topics like homophobia/sexually transmitted diseases. It’s underrated and I’m so sad about it because it’s genuinely a delight to watch.

YYY the Series: do you know those crack videos on YouTube full of memes and references? Yeah. That’s basically YYY summed up. The whole thing makes zero sense because of how chaotic it is but despite how it’s constantly makes everyone ???? it also has a TON of heart. It’s so dumb but it had me reflecting on my life all the time. I really rec this not just because of how hilarious it is but also because it breaks the mold of other BLs! Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t have a comedic show and talk about consent and how important healthy communication is in relationships because YYY does it perfectly and so much more.

Dark Blue Kiss: I didn’t love this but you might. It’s a sequel/spin off to like two other series (Kiss Me & Kiss Me Again) but you don’t have to watch the others to understand this. Just know that the leads have been dating awhile before the start of the series.

Great Men Academy: People debate if this is a real BL because the main character is a girl who can transform into a boy but I think it still counts. I really enjoyed this and thought the whole cast had a ton of chemistry between them—it was sweet, funny, and had the right amount of angst.

HIS: this is a Japanese movie (I know you said dramas but I enjoyed this so I figured I would include it too). It’s beautiful, angsty, and sweet. There’s a prequel series this is based on but you don’t have to watch it to understand what’s going on.

I have way more recommendations but I figured I would stop there. Hopefully if you give these a go you enjoy this and my asks are always open if you ever want to talk about BL :)

[crybabybomin]

My brothers friend - Hamada Asahi

Pairing: reader x Asahi / reader x Brother!yedam

Warnings: None 

Word count: 2.229

Masterlist

okay so im writing this on the 20th of july and 28 minutes ago the debut teaser was officially released so im a mess rn. Im so happy to see them finally debuting. I’ve been following them all since the first ep of ygtb. 

——

You're Bang Yedam’s older sister, Bang Y/N. You love singing too but art is your passion. Your brother is very supportive of your work. So are you for him. You two are very close in age. You are only 11 months older than him. So sometimes it feels like he’s your twin.

You’ve seen him perform multiple times. You were interviewed for the YGTB finale. You love seeing him perform, because he looks so happy on stage. You also met some of his members. You met Jungkyu and Jeongwoo when they were preparing for their Last Dance stage. But other than that you haven’t actually talked to the other trainees.

But today you are meeting your brother in his dorm. Your mom also gave some presents to give to all the boys. So here you are standing in front of his dorm with a huge bag full of presents. You already texted Yedam you were almost there so when you knocked on the door he immediately opened the door.

“Y/N!!!” He said happily and took you inside. You walked into the living room and a lot of boys sat there watching tv. They all looked at you and then yedam said “Guys this is my sister Y/N.” They all said hi and then you remembered the presents “Okay so mom packed some presents for you so I needed to give these to you.” They all stood up and you gave them their present.

“hey Asahi and Mashiho are still in their room. Someone tell them to come.” Yedam says. Then Jungkyu calls one of them. After a couple of minutes two boys come in. They are kind of shocked to see you. Well one doesn’t really react but stops walking in and the other just looks confused.

You smile at them and hand them their present. “Hi I’m Y/N also known as Yedam’s sister.” They introduce themselves and you think Asahi is kind of cute, but you push it to the back of your mind. Then you all started watching tv and you sat in front of the couch against yedam’s legs.

Then you started getting hungry. You stood up and said “Should we order food because im starving.” They all nodded and you said “I’m paying so choose whatever you like.” All of them were impressed. “what do you do for work Y/N.” Jaehyuk asked you. “I sell art and design stuff for people.” They all wanted to see what you make so you showed them some pictures. Then they decide on what to eat so you order for delivery.

You all started talking after so you could get to know them. You liked all of them but you actually really got stuff in common with Asahi. He likes art too and is more quiet than others but hes actually really nice. You feel a spark in your chest and you keep staring at his face.

The doorbell rings and you and Asahi both stand up. You look at each other and decide both to go to the door. It was actually really handy since there was quite a lot of food for all of you. You walk back into the living room and sat down to eat. You weren’t that hungry but it seemed like the others were. You laughed at them. “Y’all need to see yourself eat, you eat like beasts.”you said and they smiled at you but continued to eat. You laughed again. When its all done you offer to clean and they played a game to decide who needs to help you. Funny enough its Yedam.

When you are cleaning you talk a bit. “I do have to leave in 30 minutes Yedam, I have something I have to do in Seoul but it’s still a secret so I can’t tell you what.” And he looks at you suspiciously but lets it go. “I wish you could’ve stayed longer. We don’t see and talk to each other a lot.” He says “hey I call you all the time, you just don’t pick up the phone.” And you nudge him in his side.  “yeah im sorry about that.” You tell him its okay and after you are done you grab your stuff and put on your jacket.

“hey guys it was nice to meet you all and maybe I will see you all soon again.” You say to them. “you're leaving already?” Asahi asks you. “yeah I have some stuff I need to do in the city so I need to be on time.” You answer him and wave them all goodbye. You give yedam a hug and you leave.

The thing you have to do is actually signing up for the scholarship you got. Its an art school and after that you are meeting your 3 new roommates and they are going to tell you when you can move in. This is the secret you have for Yedam because you are gonna live way closer too him, because your dorm is in the same building as his.

Your roommates told you that you could move in next week and so that’s why after the meeting you went straight home and started to pack everything. You had quite a lot of stuff but the room you were moving into was also kind of big.

———

Today was your moving in day. You have talked to your roommates a lot the past week and you 4 went a long really well. They also don’t like kpop so they don’t know your brother which is for the better. You did tell them about your tiny crush on Asahi so they wanted to know who he was. After you are done moving in you decided to go to your brothers dorm. You texted him and he told you he was training but you could go anyways since some of the members were there but he didn’t know who in particular. So you rang their doorbell and Yoshi opened the door.

“hey y/n, how are you? Btw yedam isn’t home.” He says “oh I know but he said I could come over anyways.” “Yeah of course come in. Only Hyunsuk, Asahi, Jeongwoo and me are home, but hyunsuk, Jeongwoo and me are about to leave for food. Wanna come?” He asks you and you think about it but you aren’t really hungry so you decline. “That’s okay, im going to tell Asahi you are here or you could say hi yourself.” He says “i’ll do it myself. Have fun together. See you all later.” They leave together and you knock on Asahi’s door.

“Come in.” You hear him say and you walk in. “hey its me. What are you doing.” You saw him hunched over a drawing. “just drawing something but it’s not good.” He says and you look at him “its okay we all started somewhere, and my drawing are definitely not always great.” He shows you his drawing and he says “i can’t seem to get the proportions right and I don’t know how to change them.” You kneel down besides him and take his pencil in your hand. “is it okay if I make some changes.” You ask him and he nods. “You just need to make the shoulders a little bit smaller and the chest a little longer. Like this.” And you show him. He looks very shocked by what you just did and you laugh at him.

You help him a little with the colouring but after that you just sit down on the chair beside his desk and look at him draw. Hes really handsome and he looks so cute, concentrating on his drawing. You only realize that you are staring when he looks at you. You immediately look down to his drawing and he smiles at you but you didn’t see that.

He gives you a paper and says “you look kind of bored so here, draw something yourself.” You smile at him because you love drawing and you decide to draw him. You sketch really fast and after a 30 minutes it already kind of looks like him. You two are drawing in silence for a long time and after an hour you are done with your drawing. “hey Asahi I drew you, look.” He looks at the drawing and blushes “why did you drew me?” He says and you kind of got embarrassed by his question “i don’t know really, you just looked really peaceful when you were drawing.” “well thanks anyway, it looks very pretty.”

“hey wanna know something cool?” You say and he nods. “I actually moved into an apartment in this building today.” And he looks at you “wait really.” And you nod. “You wanna see it?” You ask him and he says “yeah not like we have anything better to do.” You laugh and grab his hand. And run to your dorm. Its only two floors down so you just run on your socks. You grab your keys and open the door. Your roommates are in the living room and the look at you and Asahi. And then they look at your hands, so then you realize you are still holding his hand. You try to remove your hand but he doesn’t release his hand.

“so y/n is this the boy you’ve been talking about, Asahi right?” He releases your hand and looks at you. But he nods at your friends. You glare at your friend and they laugh at you. You decide to show Asahi around and show him your room. You had a mural behind your bed and a lot of art everywhere. “damn this looks so cool.” He says “thanks I tried really hard on it.” After you show your room you decide to go back to their dorm and when you arrive Yedam is back.

“hey y/n, where were you? Wait you were with Asahi …. Outside …….. on your socks?” You and Asahi both laugh and then you remember he doesn’t know about your new house. “Omg yedam I can finally tell the secret I was talking about. I actually moved into this building.” “wait really omg that’s so cool now we can see each other more often.” He says and he hugs you. Then he looks between you and Asahi and moves his eyebrows. You blush but Asahi motions a silence sign at him.

You spend the evening at the dorm and then decide to go back to your apartment. You were actually put into a groups chat with yedam and all of his members. Which is really funny since they roast each other all the time and send ugly pictures. You decide to put your phone away but then you get a text in the group chat.

Mashiho: come get Asahi he keeps talking y/n about you and its getting annoying

Asahi: Are you this stupid jeez?

Y/n: Wait what…

Mashiho: oh shit I really am stupid huh

Then you receive a face time call from Asahi. “hey y/n I have to say something abut I can’t come to your dorm right now.” “its okay but what do you wanna say.” You kinda have an idea but you also think he just wants to say that he sees you only as a friend. “wait I actually wanted to ask if you wanted to come to the rooftop like right now” “uh yeah sure” you were actually just wearing a shirt and some joggers. You put on some shoes and walk to the rooftop. He was already waiting for you. So you stood beside him.

“hey what did you wanted to say.” You ask him and he looks nervously at you. “So okay I just wanted to say that I like you, like I like like you, as in more than friends. Like a boyfriend and girlfriend way. And I know that we don’t know each other for that long but the moment I met you, you brightened up my world. And I might I have ruined our friend ship with this but I just wanted to say this and we could just stay friends if you want.” You were surprised because he never said so much at one time. He just sighs and then you realize you havent said anything. “wait Asahi I like you too I was just surprised by your sudden confession. I’ve liked you since the first time we talked.”

He looks at you and then he smiles. “Wait for real?” He asks and you nod. “so you wanna be my girlfriend…..?” And you nod again. Then he hugs you. When he lets go of you you shiver. He takes off his hoodie and gives it to you. “Here, you can always think about me when you are wearing it.” He says and you look at him “as if I don’t think about you enough.” And he laughs and hugs you. “now that I don’t have a hoodie on you need to keep me warm with your hugs” He says and you smile. “well I hope I can keep that promise, cutie.” You say and he buries his head in the crook of you neck and the night end with you two watching the stars.

[malumsmermaid]

The Truth is Out There

Back at it with another Collab Event headed by Laura and Steff!

Prompt: “Kissing you is all I’ve thought about since the moment we met.”

Event Masterlist         My Masterlist       Buy me a Ko-Fi

My AU was Alien!Malum and I chose to do it as an X-Files AU, but you won’t have had to have watched The X-Files to understand what’s going on, however there are some spoilers.

Sourced some of my information from Cryptid Campfire, specifically the Bigfoot Mountain tome (eps 31-38) and Yuletide Yeti (ep. 63)

Warnings: X-Files Spoilers, male giving/receiving oral

Word Count: 5.4k

One: Missing 4-1-1

After years and years of working on the X Files, Special Agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully were finally retiring. Over the past couple of years, Fox had been training up a fresh agent he’d met during a guest lecture at the FBI academy. Agent Mulder was there to talk about profiling in “extreme circumstance,” promising that the eager students could ask him questions pertaining to any other topic following lecture related questions. The first agent he called on, Michael Clifford, struck him with the earnest expression on his face as he asked about the X Files Project, but also with his appearance. His hair was dyed black, eyebrow pierced and an earring dangling from his earlobe, reminding him of his late friend, Langley.

The aged agent took to Agent Clifford quickly, taking the young man under his wing and teaching him all he had learned over the past thirty years. The more time he spent with the younger agent, the more he reminded him of Langley. His skill with computers, the clothes he would wear when they met up outside of the office, even a few of the new games he would describe when asked about them sounded like something Langley would’ve enjoyed. But there were also things that were distinctly Michael, which Mulder came to like about the younger agent, taking to him quicker than anyone he had met since the loss of The Lone Gunmen. 

After two years, Mulder and Scully both decided that it was finally time for them to retire, knowing that they were leaving the X Files in good hands. 

The day after Mulder and Scully’s retirement party Michael was back in his office...or rather closet. He’d been officially assigned to the X Files two weeks ago, to help with the transition period before Fox and Dana left. The small room felt strangely empty now that Michael was the only one in there. When the three of them all squeezed in there when Mulder wanted Michael’s opinion on something or over the past two weeks, Michael had found it hard to imagine having to do this before the files were digitized, when filing cabinets jutted out away from the walls. 

He was sitting behind Mulder’s desk, laptop in front of him, the camera covered by a piece of blue masking tape, files that Fox had asked him to go over open on the screen. Michael spent most of the morning fixated on reading through these different cases, only being pulled out of it by a gentle knock on the open door. 

He looked up, pushing his glasses up his nose to see who was interrupting him. His heart fluttered and stomach did a somersault when he laid eyes on the man occupying his doorway. Dark curls, glowing skin, and a jawline that Michael would kill to kiss were all he was able to process before the man had fully entered the room. He approached Michael’s desk, tattooed hand reaching out, “I’m Calum Hood, your new partner.” he stated, waiting for Michael to take his hand.

Michael rose to his feet, office chair rolling into the wall in his haste. “Hell of a way to ask a man out,” he joked as he shook Calum’s hand, lower lip rolling into his mouth when he realized he’d voiced that thought aloud.

Calum let out a good natured laugh at Michael’s response, smile pushing up his round cheeks and crinkling his eyes. Michael let out an anxious, relieved laugh, taking Calum’s hand and shaking it firmly. “So,” Michael started, “what happened to get you sent down here?”

Calum looked at Michael, slightly bewildered, releasing the blonde’s hand and going to lean on Scully’s desk. “Well, I finished up grad school back in May, getting my Masters in Zoology, so I was looking for a job because...student loans. Anyway, a couple weeks after graduation, I was checking my email for any responses from employers. And I found a job offer from the FBI. They said that they anticipated an opening coming up within the next few months and that they needed someone with my expertise to fill it. I didn’t know what they’d need a zoologist for, but I figured it was an offer and it definitely wasn't working at a grocery store and coffee shop to make ends meet, so I took it. Finished up at the academy two weeks ago and this morning while I was getting ready I got a call saying that I was to come here today, that I had been officially assigned to the X Files, and where to find you.”

Michael nodded, “So you’re going to be the Scully to my Mulder then,” he stated confidently. 

Calum hummed, slowly beginning to take in the office, “Suppose I am.” he started, eyes landing on the “I Want to Believe” poster Mulder had left behind. “So, do you really believe in this? Like, how did you end up here?”

Michael chewed his lip, shrinking behind Mulder’s desk. “I mean...I don’t think any of it is improbable. I’m much more interested in cryptids and mythical creatures than aliens and government conspiracies, though Mulder and Scully definitely got plenty of evidence of both of those, even if some of it did end up mysteriously destroyed or disappeared. But it is also hard to argue against aliens, especially with those videos that Tom DeLonge’s organization put out. Mulder claimed to have come across a mothman once, but I doubt that that’s what those creatures were. The description of the one Scully shot doesn’t match up with mothman at all, other than the red eyes. The things they encountered blended in with the forest surrounding them and didn’t fly. Mothman has wings, that’s why he’s called mothman! I just...don’t understand how Mulder came to that conclusion, may have argued with him over it a couple times.”

Michael continued to explain how he’d gotten involved with Mulder, how they’d become friends over the past two years, leading to Mulder requesting that Michael be moved to the X Files before his retirement, ensuring that someone would be able to continue his work under an official capacity, that the X Files wouldn’t become buried under dust like they had been before Mulder came along. “Anyway,” the blonde finally concluded, “I suppose since you’re here now, I should send you some of these files that I’m going through, get another perspective on them and all.”

~~~~~~~~

Later that week Michael met up with Mulder after work. He smiled when the young agent came into the room, inviting him over to their corner table. “So, how’s working as a solo agent going?” Mulder asked once Michael had settled into the open seat.

Michael laughed softly, shaking his head. “I was a solo agent for maybe two hours. Sounds like they were planning for your retirement the second you both started talking about it. Agent Hood is pretty nice though, can’t wait to get more of his thoughts when we actually get out into the field.”

Mulder nodded, mouth twitching into half a smile. “Should’ve known they’d have someone to counteract you ready. He a doctor?” 

“Nah, zoologist. Probably best given my tendencies towards cryptids.”

Michael continued to sit there explaining everything he’d learned about Agent Hood in the past week, skipping out on the part where he found the other man incredibly attractive. Mulder sat there with rapt attention, nodding along as Michael detailed their discussions about the files that Mulder had left for him.

They left the bar a couple of beers later, Mulder giving a stern reminder about not trusting people before they parted, slipping Michael a piece of paper as they gave each other a handshake and hug.

~~~~~~~

After a couple of years working together, Michael and Calum were incredibly close. They were out in the field, staking out the office of a man that they were told would provide a lead on a young boy who’d gone missing in Virginia’s Shenandoah National Park, who Michael believed may have been taken by a bigfoot. Once again, Michael was explaining to Calum how a bigfoot could possibly be the culprit in this situation. 

“Look, there are different variations of bigfoot sighted on every continent except Antarctica. Among them there are three different types of yetis, differentiated by both size and color, in a single mountain range. So I’d say, biologically, it would be safe to assume that in a country as large and differentiated in climates as the US, it makes sense that there would be variations in Sasquatches in different parts of the country. As I’ve mentioned before, the classic bigfoot descriptions that we’ve gotten from the Patterson-Gimlin film and other sightings in the Pacific Northwest are different from sightings in other parts of the country. Generally, East Coast Sasquatches are smaller than their West Coast counterparts, less….thicc, for a lack of a better word, and for some reason ones in Florida are particularly pungent, hence them being called skunk apes.

“There are cases of children who’ve gone missing in the same circumstances this child has, being found in caves or places that they couldn’t have possibly reached in the amount of time they’ve been missing, at least not on their own. And some of those kids say that they were rescued by a large, hairy man, or a bear, like that kid in North Carolina a year or two ago. The question is, do bigfoots see this small, helpless child and take them in to take care of them and set them out where they can be found when they hear searchers nearby, or do they just see them and go “ooh cute” and then the kid wanders away while the bigfoot that picked it up is out foraging.”

“That’s all well and good Michael.” Calum started, a smile playing across his lips at the joke he was about to make, “But couldn’t it just as easily be aliens?”

“It’s plausible.” Michael said, missing Calum’s joke. “There are even some people who actually believe that, because there are occasionally UFO sightings around the same time as a surge in bigfoot sightings, that perhaps bigfoot is extraterrestrial. I personally don’t think that, I think they’re just a terrestrial species we need to protect and study further, maybe they’re just as interested in the strange lights in the sky as we are…...wait there’s our guy.”

Calum looked out the window and across the street, nodding as he spotted the man that had been described to them. He jumped when he realized that Michael was already out of the car and striding across the street. He easily caught up with the blonde, the pair of agents walking side by side as they approached. 

“Hey doc!” Michael called, reaching into his pocket for his badge as the man ahead of them turned, “Federal a--” the man took off, ducking down a side street. “Shit!” Michael broke into a run, tossing the car keys to Calum, “head him off!”

Michael kept up with the man, weaving through the narrow streets, finally catching him when he ran into a dead end. “Please, don’t exterminate me,” the man whimpered, turning to face Michael, hands raised.

Michael stared, momentarily confused until he realized that he was looking at a familiar face. “Hey, no, it’s ok, I’m not the bounty hunter. My name is Agent Clifford, I was told that you could answer some questions I had about the missing child.” Heavy footsteps came from behind him and the alien clone started, brown eyes darting from side to side, looking for an escape. Michael held up his hand, “It’s ok, it’s just my partner, Agent Hood, he doesn’t want to hurt you either, we just need information to find this little boy.”

Calum came to a stop next to Michael, assessing their surroundings before his eyes landed on the man Michael was talking to. Immediately his eyebrows furrowed, “That’s...that’s fuckin me. Mike, why are we looking at me?”

Michael chewed his lip, but there was no denying it. Despite the lack of tattoos, the less defined muscles, and the fact that this man had a mop of curls instead of the buzzcut Calum had been sporting, there was no denying that the man in front of them was a carbon copy of Calum Hood. “Cal,” he said softly, using the same tone he’d had for the clone, “I promise we’ll discuss this later, but right now we need to find the kid, and the man in front of us can help with that.”

Calum swallowed thickly before agreeing, “Yeah, ok. C’mon, let’s get back in your office, Doc, ask you our questions and then get out of your hair.”

~~~~~~~

Two days later they found the young boy, wandering outside an opening in the mountainside when he heard his name being called a hundred feet below. Two rescuers climbed up the sheer face to get the kid, Calum and Michael following, using tree roots for hand holds. The two rescuers rappelled back down once one had the boy safely perched on their back. Michael, meanwhile, went to investigate the small cave, Calum reluctantly following behind. “You know,” he said softly, “if there is something that brought the boy in here, it’s probably not going to be happy if it finds us in its home.”

“Not gonna be here long.” Michael said simply, pushing a little further back.

Calum hummed softly, looking around the small space. Michael called from the back of the cave and Calum ran over, worried that his partner had discovered whatever actually lived in this space. Instead he found Michael crouching at the edge of what appeared to be a bed, made of woven twigs, leaves and down feathers, and much larger than what a five year old would need, or even be able to make, especially in the three and a half days he’d been missing, with the only way in and out of this cave being a 100ft drop. 

“Wow,” Calum whispered.

He pulled out his phone and took a few photos, Michael laying on the stone floor in front of it for reference, ends of the apparent bed extending a few inches beyond Michael’s head and feet on each end. He opened the measuring app, taking screenshots as he got the measurement of the length and width of the nest, 7’6” long and 5’4” wide, for his report later. Once he was done documenting the nest, Michael carefully crawled in, skimming the surface. 

He let out a gasp, quickly pulling an evidence bag from his pocket and carefully picking up a clump of hair. “This is laying on the surface of the nest, not woven in like the rest of the material, which means….” Michael explained excitedly, green eyes gleaming as he looked up at Calum.

Calum smiled, finishing his partner’s sentence, “It came from whatever lives here. That should be good for your theory Mike, now let’s get back down to the camp with everyone else, before Bigfoot makes us his new pet.”

Michael scowled at Calum’s playful tone, but carefully crawled out of the nest, examining the cave one more time as they slowly exited, hooking back into the ropes and rappelling back down, picking their way through the brush and back onto the trail. They caught back up with the two rescuers they were with, who had already radioed ahead that they had the boy, so everyone should be heading back in too. They made it back to camp after half an hour of walking down the trail, the young boy halfway to falling asleep on the rescuer’s shoulders until his parents cried out upon seeing them appear at the edge of the treeline. They set him down and he ran to his parents, letting them scoop him up and cover his face with anxious kisses. Michael and Calum both smiling as they watched the reunion. The family climbed into the ambulance to go to the hospital so their son could get checked out, one of their friends following in the car, but he seemed perfectly fine. 

~~~~~~~

Once all the volunteers were accounted for, Calum and Michael got in their car and drove back to their cabin, where they’d stay one more night before returning to the Pentagon in the morning. Calum cooked up some pancakes in the small kitchenette and they sat on the edge of his bed to eat. “So…” Calum started, “We still need to talk about why our informant was...y’know...me, but not.”

Michael nodded, swallowing his syrup soaked bite of pancake. “So, you don’t have any recollection either in your childhood or during college, of missing any time? No strangely realistic dreams that poke at the back of your mind?” 

Calum stared into the distance, pensieve expression on his face as he dragged a piece of pancake through the extra syrup. Finally he spoke, “There is a night, during finals in undergrad. I remember leaving the library, and then I remember waking up on my dorm room floor, nothing in between. It was probably about 1am when I left the campus library to go home, and then 7am when my roommate’s alarm went off so he could get ready for his first exam. He didn’t remember me coming in either.”

Michael nodded slowly, setting his plate aside and going into the kitchen to rinse his syrupy fingers. “Lemme see something,” he said softly, crouching behind Calum on the mattress.

He nodded and Michael carefully ran his fingers over the back of Calum’s neck, gasping when he found a little bump just under the skin. “What is it?” Calum asked softly.

“I think it’s the same thing that Scully found after she was returned.” Michael explained softly, “Whatever it is, we’re not taking it out.” He added firmly.

“So...you think that maybe I’ve been taken?”

“It seems that way, nothing else explains why you’ve got a clone running around.”

Calum nodded, about to say something else when Michael’s phone rang. He frowned at the screen, not recognizing the number, but answered, “Agent Clifford.” His face grew panicked as he listened to the person on the other end. “We’ll be right there.” he stated before hanging up. “Your clone is in trouble.” he stated, stepping into his shoes and grabbing the keys, Calum following after him, shoes in hand.

He sped through the mountainside town, skidding to a halt in front of the office where they’d waited a few days before. Instead of sitting in the car this time, they ran through the front door. They split up to search the rooms, Michael finding the hybrid cowering beneath a desk. Michael crouched on the floor by him, softly trying to hatch a plan to get him out of there safely when there came the sound of a scuffle in the next room. Michael smacked himself in the head, “Fuck, Calum looks like you, shit. Okay, look, I’m going to go distract the bounty hunter and save Cal, get out of here.” 

The hybrid nodded, slipping out of the room after Michael, going the opposite direction of the commotion as Michael slipped the silver needle out of his pocket. He entered the room the noise was coming from, seeing Calum pinning the bounty hunter to the floor. He swallowed, calming his nerves slightly, clicking the handle of the needle. The soft “pft” that the needle made as it appeared from the handle caught the attention of the bounty hunter, looking up from where Calum was holding him down, struggling further against the agent atop him. Michael stepped further into the room, raising his hand with the needle in it, slowly waving it as he said “This is not the man you are looking for.”

“Michael, for fucks sake” Calum groaned.

“Oh I’m sorry, I don’t plan to run into another Calum clone out in the world and see them get fucking murked!” Michael exclaimed, before turning his attention back to the bounty hunter, “Look, this guy is who they sourced the human DNA from for the clone you’re after. And if you’re after him because of us, he didn’t tell us about whatever he’s working on, just how to find a lost kid. So...Calum, run on three.”

Calum stared, but listened, Michael counting down as the bounty hunter stared. Calum dropped him right when Michael said three, scrambling from the room. Before he had time to react, Michael was on the bounty hunter, pushing the needle into the back of the man’s neck, pulling his shirt over his nose and mouth as the neon green substance began to bubble from the wound. He pulled the needle out as more green goo frothed forth and ran from the room and down to the car, where Calum was waiting. As soon as Michael closed the door Calum sped off back to the hotel. “One Calum makes me flustered enough as is,” Michael muttered, clicking his seatbelt, “Two? Fucking nightmare for my sanity. At least he doesn’t act like you too.”

Calum tried to ignore what Michael was saying, heart racing from what he was going to pretend was the fight he’d just been in. “Where do you think he’s going to go?” Calum asked softly after a moment.

Michael shrugged, slouching down in his seat. “Hopefully somewhere safe, skipped town if he’s as smart as the man he came from.”

Calum was thankful for the darkness as he continued to drive, cheeks turning pink. 

He pulled back into their space in front of the cabin, nudging Michael before he got out of the car. He took a deep breath, smiling at the scent of honeysuckle filling the air from the bushes nearby. He heard Michael’s door close and turned to look at the blonde, smile on his face. “We going in?” Michael asked, tilting his head toward the cabin door.

Calum nodded, licking his lips as he slowly made his way up the gravel path towards the cabin. The plates of half-eaten pancakes still sat on Calum’s bed, probably extra soggy and cold by now. He hummed, kicking off his shoes as Michael came in, closing the door behind him. Calum glanced back saying, “Hey, thanks for saving my life back there…”

Michael hummed, stepping out of his own shoes, “You seemed like you had it pretty under control when I came in.”

Calum scoffed, turning around and taking Michael’s face in his hands, searching the blonde’s face for half a second before leaning in and kissing him deeply. Michael hummed, kissing him back immediately, long arms wrapping around Calum’s broad shoulders. Calum pulled away after a minute, licking his lips, savoring the taste of Michael on them before he whispered, “Kissing you is all I’ve thought about since the moment we met. Figured now was as good a time as ever.” 

Michael nodded slowly, leaning his forehead on Calum’s. “Anytime would’ve been perfect by me, so long as it actually happened.”

Calum laughed softly, leaning in and kissing Michael again. “Any other way you’d like me to show my gratitude?” he teased softly, a hand making its way down Michael’s arm.

Michael leaned into Calum’s touch, letting out a gentle whine. Calum hummed, pressing a light, experimental kiss to Michael’s neck, fingers reaching to pull at the hem of Michael’s shirt. Michael let him remove it, hands landing on Calum’s bare biceps as Calum stared at Michael in awe, eyes exploring the blonde’s bare torso in a new way. 

Calum’s hands began to explore the expanse of pale skin, fingertips gingerly tracing the tops of his hip bones, hovering over the waistband of his jeans. Michael let out an impatient whimper, wrenching the hem of Calum’s black tank top from where it was tucked into his slacks. Calum let out a small grunt of affirmation, reaching behind him and tugging the shirt over his head, tossing it to the side. Hunger consumed him, pressing his chest to Michael’s, feeling the slighter man bounce slightly as his back met the cabin wall. He leaned in, holding Michael in a sucking kiss, one hand firmly on his waist while the other tangled in the messy blonde hair. 

He pulled out of the kiss after a minute, barely breathing as he let his lips trace Michael’s jaw, coming to rest by his ear, teasingly sucking the lobe between his lips, giving it a gentle tug. Michael was softly keening, fingers weakly pulling at Calum’s muscular arms, trying to urge him to the floor in front of him. Calum let out a low chuckle, voice a rasp in Michael’s ear, “Lucky we got ourselves together the one time we’re not in a shitty motel with paper for walls, huh Mikey?”

Michael let out a whine, hips pressing forward as Calum worked at the blonde’s zipper, shimmying the black denim down Michael’s thighs to his knees. His lips traveled Michael’s chest as his hands nimbly pulled at his own belt, loosening it and removing his slacks, kicking them to lay near his tank top. Meanwhile, Michael had continued to work his own pants down his legs, leaving them pooled around his ankles. 

Calum gave Michael a small smile, leaning in for a soft kiss before sinking to his knees on the wooden floor. Michael stared, green eyes wide as Calum’s lips travelled up his pale thighs, fingers tracing circles over the soft cotton boxers. Finally, Calum removed the last piece of fabric concealing Michael from him. He licked his lips as he watched the hardened length spring forth from beneath the fabric that now pooled at Michael’s ankles. 

Michael whined, bucking into Calum’s hand as he took hold of him, left arm wrapping around the backs of Michael’s thighs for support as he teasingly flicked his tongue against Michael’s tip. The salty taste of him made Calum lose what little composure and control he had planned to have, letting out a gentle moan as he ran his tongue over Michael’s tip again. “Like how I taste, Cal?” Michael attempted to taunt, but his voice came out clearly breathless, Calum’s lips wrapping around him like it was all they were ever meant for.

Calum easily took Michael in his mouth, slowly bobbing his head up and down the length, tongue working over it naturally. His hand stayed at the base of Michael’s cock, but when he pulled his mouth off of him to catch his breath for a moment, curiosity struck, removing his hand from Michael, who bucked his hips forward in protest, until Calum’s hand cupped his balls, fingers fondling him and causing a higher moan to leave his mouth. Calum continued this new strategy for another moment, taking deep breaths before finally returning his mouth to Michael’s length, this time relaxing fully and taking him all the way down. 

Michael made a noise that almost sounded like a strangled scream, blunt fingernails digging into Calum’s scalp as he searched for hair to grip. That thought alone was enough for Calum to consider growing his hair out again, solely for Michael. He continued his work, Michael now thrusting shallowly as Calum continued to bob his head. “Please, Cal…” he whimpered out, hips jumping again as Calum’s brown eyes met his green.

He held his head still, letting Michael grip the back of his head as he began to fuck Calum’s mouth, Calum letting out a muffled moan at the thought of Michael using him like this. He unwound his left arm from behind Michael’s thighs now, pushing his boxers down enough to free his own length. He used his thumb to spread the arousal leaking from his tip over himself, trying not to move as he finally began to give his own cock the attention it had been aching for. 

His brown eyes closed, wanting desperately to cry out for Michael, an action made impossible by the other man’s cock brushing the back of his throat. “Look so pretty like this, mouth full and...fuucck…” Michael gasped, continuing to grip at the back of Calum’s head with one hand, the fingers of the other digging into his shoulder. 

His thrusts quickened, and Calum could tell that Michael was chasing his orgasm now, readying himself. His whines of Calum’s name grew higher in pitch and more frequent before he finally came apart, his thrusts shallow as he filled Calum’s mouth. Calum’s eyes fluttered, letting Michael work himself through, swallowing what he was given. 

Once he was finished he pulled out of Calum’s mouth before collapsing on top of him, his breathing labored. Calum held him, letting him recover while he sat back on his heels. He pressed gentle kisses to Michael’s cheeks, neck, chest, fingers running through sweat-damp blonde hair. Michael stirred slightly, head lifting and resting against Calum’s shoulder. “I’d offer to return the favor,” he slurred out, “but I’m kinda gone...wow baby,” fucked out mind testing a theory he’d been building based off of how Calum reacted when he was complimented, both for work and on his talents.

Calum preened at the praise and pet name, giving more fuel to Michael’s theory. He sat Michael against the wall, tucking his own aching, still hard, member back into his boxers and getting back to his feet. He scooped Michael into his arms, carrying him to the bed and tucking blankets around his frame. He whined as Calum fixed his hair, arms working out of the blankets to reach for him. Calum smiled, taking a hand and kissing his knuckles, “Just gonna clean up the cottage and then we can snuggle. I’ll take up your offer for our morning shower. Would suggest taking the scenic route home if we weren’t expected at work.” 

Michael whined at the suggestive wink Calum gave him before he went to pick up the piles of clothes, tucking them into their respective suitcases before he picked up the plates from what had been his bed all weekend. He scraped the syrup soaked pancakes into the trash and set the plates in the sink to soak, bagging the extra pancakes and putting them in the fridge. 

Everything straightened up he made his way to the bed, flicking the lightswitch before he crawled under the sheets. Michael was already half asleep when Calum pulled him to his chest, laying on his back and staring at the ceiling. He smiled at the feeling of Michael shuffling his body closer, rubbing his shoulder as Michael flung his arm over him, “G’night Calum.” he whispered, scared of breaking the moment, of waking up and being in separate beds again.

“Good night, Mike,” Calum returned, smile on his face as Michael’s breathing slowed, letting himself drift off as well.

~~~~~~

Calum woke the next morning to Michael’s fingers trailing the ink on his chest. He smiled, it was rare that the morning after the conclusion of a case that he’d be the one to wake first. Usually Michael would be just beginning the process of getting out of bed by the time Calum was out of the shower and dressed, blonde hair sticking up in all directions. 

Calum squeezed Michael’s shoulders, causing the blonde to look up at him, green eyes suddenly bashful. “Cal,” he started softly, fingers continuing to trace the patterns in his skin. “We need to talk about last night.” Calum raised a thick eyebrow, brown eyes concerned. “Not...not the kissing and the blowjob part, that’s still...that’s great, I love that and I’m still on for shower reparations if you are...the...the before that, before your...you called.”

Calum smiled, relief filling his chest as he nodded, hand resting on top of Michael’s, before apprehension began to flutter back in. “Yeah...we do. What are we gonna say about that? We do have to include...him, in the report.”

Michael sighed, glancing at Calum’s hand atop his before he said, “I’m gonna give you some of the files on Scully when we get back. Need you to know why you can’t take that thing out of you. I don’t think I could watch you go through that, especially not now. I wanna do everything in my power to find out why that happened to you, if it’s what led to you being here, working with me. And I’m going to make sure they don’t try and take you again, not when I’m here.” Calum shushed him, reaching out to rub his cheek gently. “Hey, it’s ok, I trust you, right? I’ll do whatever you say is best. And no need to put all that on yourself, I’m here, partners, right?”

Michael smiled, nodding and leaning up and pressing a kiss to Calum’s lips, “Partners.” he affirmed with a smile.

Taglist: @irwinkitten @calpops @goth5sos @empathycth @wildflowergrae @talkfastromance4 @maluminspace @notinthesameguey @cashtonasfuck @sexgodashton @castaway-cashton @afihemmings @treatallwithkindness @theyorthemrecords @another-lonely-heart @ghostofmashton @opheliaaurora23 @loxerofmine @youngblood199456

Micheal Taglist: @adoringlrh @koalacal @lashtonswildflower  @loveroflrh​ @valyntlne​

Calum Taglist: @daisyangei​ @califl0wer @angelicfluffs​

Slash Taglist: @tigerteeff​

To Be Added to my TagList

[stranger-who-writes-fiction]

Superman & Lois - Ep. 102 “Heritage”

In which the Sad Dad vibes and teen angst continues!

Spoilers!

Lois gets the opening and closing narration this week! And generally has more to do, which is nice.

The fam has officially moved to Smallville, so the boys are gearing up to start school...or are they???

Well, Jon is. Jordan is told he has to stay home until he can get his nascent powers under control because they don’t want him to accidentally flash frying a classmate. Which he almost did. Last week. 

Clark calls Jordan’s accidental heat vision an ‘ocular release of energy.’

This decision, of course, leads to some FAMILY DRAMA. Jordan feels like a freak! Jonathan is upset that they’ve had to move! Clark feels like he’s failing as a parent!

Oh and also the guy in the Master Chief suit is on the hunt for Kryptonite. Which is, you know. Troubling.

SO it’s off to school for Jonathan and off to the Fortress for Jordan!

Lois, upon Jonathan asking why Jordan gets to go flying with dad: “At least we have the radio!”

One plus side about the show being ‘grounded’ and ‘prestige-y’: the high school drama is of a more believable variety. Still tedious, but at least it’s not dated 90s tropes.

...Well, okay. Not entirely true. Sarah Cushing’s personality thus far is ‘nice girl who’s dating a jerk’ and yes, the line “What do you see in that guy?” is said aloud. So.

Win some, lose some.

MEANWHILE, AT THE FORTRESS:

Love the actor they got for Jor-El. He’s perfect, in that he feels like an homage to Brando, Crowe, but is also his own distinct version. I dig it. 

But there’s no giant key made of dwarf star matter because this is GROUNDED and REALISTIC and none of that SILLY CW NONSENSE, WE GOT HBO MAX MONEY. 

Back to the Lois vs. Edge plot:

For all the folks wondering how Lois working at the Planet was going to continue, what with the show being set in Smallville...

WELL.

Edge now owns the Planet, so he re-writes a negative article she’s written about him, which leads to her quitting, and going to write for the Smallville Gazette.

Which is operated by Chrissy Beppo.

Who is...named after the super monkey? 

Does this mean we’ll eventually meet other Smallville residents named after super pets? Like Marsha Whizzy, or maybe Kenneth Comet.

Seems a weird choice when ‘Bibbo’ is right there.

ANYWAYS.

Best line of the episode: “You know what babe? You do your Superman stuff, and I will do my Lois Lane stuff.”

MEANWHILE, THE SAD DAD VIBES INTENSIFY as Grandpa Jor-El reveals: Jordan...will never be like you, Kal-El. His human DNA is too limiting.

Which is a very interesting plot point (that was sorta mentioned/explored in Future State!)

So, about the boys: I still find them...mostly annoying. But I appreciate the dynamic they’re establishing: Jordan has always required more time and attention due to his anxiety disorder, and Jonathan has always had to look after him and compensate--this carries over into the new status quo where Jordan has the super powers and Jonathan further feels that his brother is getting time and attention and he needs to make sacrifices and changes for him/the family. 

This leads to a really lovely moment between the brothers at the end of the episode that I genuinely enjoyed, so. I’m hoping that there will be more of that and less of ‘drama with Sarah’.

(Also if you think that sounds a little like another pair of Super siblings...it does! And also hold that thought.)

The OTHER big twist is that Master Chief AKA Captain Luthor comes from a world with an EVIL SUPERMAN.

To be clear, the set-up is very obviously, ‘Our Clark will prove Captain Luthor wrong re: thinking he’ll turn evil,’ so I’m not seriously suggesting we’re in for a full-on Injustice situation. I just find it funny, how quickly they pulled out the ol’ evil Supes.

(The one we saw in Elseworlds doesn’t count since that wasn’t Clark.)

And maybe this one isn’t either! I admit complete ignorance as to the comics stuff they’re pulling from; I guess it’s somehow connected to Project 7734 (Which is ‘hell’ upside down, as any fifth grader with a calculator will tell you) a counter-Kryptonian force put together by Sam Lane, I think? 

IDK. Like I said, comics blind spot.

The episode ends with Grandpa Lane looking a bit spooked at the ominous 7734 keychain Captain Luthor gave him, and Captain Luthor still on the hunt for Kryptonite! DUN DUN DUUNNNNNN.  

And now, time for a segment I’ll call: Gettin’ Super Salty w/Stranger wherein I will stash all of my frustration regarding the fact that this spin-off doesn’t really want to be a spin-off.

Okay, so first up! As mentioned, the Fortress design has been changed because the silly Supergirl version does not vibe with the new serious aesthetic.

Their loss! More Legion Rings, baby Sun Eaters, and impractical front door keys for Supergirl!

The sunstone AI details the last days of Krypton, and only one (1) pod is shown escaping the destruction.

Thanks, I hate it.

I do appreciate that Jor-El at least kinda appears to be wearing clothes that match the look of Supergirl’s Krypton. I wasn’t paying close attention to the buildings in the hologram, no clue if they match the architecture we’ve seen thus far.

Like, I get it. There’s no time to pause the plot and be like, ‘hey, just FYI, I’m not the sole survivor of Krypton, my cousin escaped as well’ but also AAAARRRRRGHHHHHH. 

You’re using the versions of the characters introduced in Supergirl, the least you can do is namedrop her once. ONCE. That’s all I’m asking. XD

They missed their opportunity, actually; when the boys were like, ‘We have so many questions!’ All you had to do was slip in, ‘Are we related to Supergirl?’ Bam. Done. Never need to go back to it, you’ve acknowledged it, continue on with your solo Sad Dad adventures!

(Except I guess that wouldn’t work, since so much of this is built on Clark being the Lone Protector of the earth. If you allude to other heroes being around, your whole character motivation/struggle makes less sense.)

I get it but I don’t have to like it. XD

They shoulda just set this on another Earth!

Circling back to the sibling dynamic: I hate how now I really want Kara to someday appear on this show and hang out with the boys and be like, ‘ah, yes, I know the feeling, my sister and I were the same.’

That’s it, that’s all the crossover content I need. I realize Melissa is moving on to bigger and better things but MAYBE SOMEDAY. XD (Or maybe I’ll just write a fic, who knows.)

I can’t remember if I brought this up already but it is hilarious to me that anyone still thinks of Superman as a reporter--most modern takes treat it as an afterthought and here, it’s dispensed in the first episode.

It has not been brought up since.

Like, much is made about Lois leaving Metropolis, and what that’ll mean for her career, but no one in Smallville is like, ‘Clark, wow! Farming? That’s quite a career change!’

(I assume he’ll be farming, since they mentioned starting the farm up again.)  

...You think anyone will drag the writers for tossing aside Clark’s ‘true calling?’ 

Who am I kidding? Supergirl fandom is not watching this show, they’re just harassing the people running the social media accounts. 

SO OVERALL: The good remains good! The meh remains meh! I appreciate that this version of Clark and Lois exist as we inch ever closer to the release of the Snyder Cut! But also the behind-the-scenes stuff continues to hang over everything like a terrible cloud! Here’s hoping those problems are addressed!

[feliciamontagues]

My Ranking of Every Hercule Flambeau Episode (S01-S08)

There are some spoilers for S7 and S8, but they are fairly vague and pretty much the sort of thing that you might see on the official press release. So not true spoilers as such. Also this is totally subjective and the result of my own personal biases. It’s also behind the cut because it’s looooonnng. 

8. The Two Deaths of Hercule Flambeau (s06e10)--

So, this episode is *fine*. It’s hardly the worst episode of the show, but it’s easily the weakest of the Flamby eps, despite their being a few isolated moments I enjoy. (Hercule getting a long overdue bedroom scene for one :P)

My main gripe is with this episode is the uneven way Lisandra Flambeau is written. The script seems to flip-flop over whether we are supposed to find her sympathetic or not.  On one hand,  many scenes imply that she genuinely loves Hercule despite them having a shotgun marriage after only a few days of knowing each other. On the other hand, she does not hesitate for a minute before poisoning an innocent (Fr. B) for no other reason than to hurt Flamby, which makes her lose a lot of sympathy points.

And as a result, it seems to make Flambeau seem like more of arse than normal for betraying her, while somehow also absolving him of responsibility for doing so, because she turns around and does *THAT.*

And ngl, it does make me a little uncomfortable that while the character of Lisandra (as an Italian) is possibly not meant to be interpreted as a POC, the actress portraying her definitely is. (Sara Martins is of Afro-Portuguese descent).  Which makes the uneven characterization (and underwritten-ness) seem even more glaring, especially  when compared to that of the other (white) women in Flambeau’s life (his first love Rebecca and his daughter Marianne, arguably Lady Felicia as well). It just leaves a bad taste in my mouth even if  in all likelihood, the part wasn’t written with Sara Martins in mind.

I think a much more interesting approach to Lisandra would be to have intending to betray Flambeau all along. Maybe she had her own agenda for seducing Flamby, meanwhile he thinks he’s the one using her for his plan. Maybe she does develop some feelings for him along the way, but it only makes her hesitate for a moment before going ahead with her original plan. That way, she keeps her agency and isn’t reduced to the “woman scorned” stereotype while also leaving the writers free to ship Flamby with others in the future without seemingly endorsing guilt-free adultery .

Other random note: I can’t take  parts of this episode seriously because the “Crown of Lombardy” is very obviously Guinevere’s crown from BBC Merlin with no attempt to alter or disguise it. 

7. The Daughter of Autolycus (s04e05)--

Not gonna lie, I am not really a fan of “character has long lost relative that we’ve never heard of until now” plots. And that goes double when said long-lost relative is a child or sibling. As such my low ranking of this episode is partly due to unconscious personal biases against that trope.

That being said, if we had to get a long-lost relative that we’ve never heard of until now plot, I’m so glad we got Marianne--even if it takes her another episode to really live up to her potential. 

I have to knock off a few more points for Nero Hound as a villain. For one thing, he was played by Nancy Carroll’s real-life hubby, but they didn’t let let him interact with Lady F at all. Such a *waste.*  Also Nero Hound is far too similar a name to Nero Wolfe, and I’ve definitely confused them on more than one occasion). He’s also rather generic in my opinion, even compared to some of Flambeau’s other “generic mobster” rivals/associates like the ones in S8.

However, there are some moments in this episode I genuinely like--particularly the theft “imagine spot” and Flambeau’s bishop disguise in general. Plus, the scenes where Flambeau and Marianne appear together are excellent, as are the hints that Marianne will become a redemptive trigger in Flambeau’s life.

6. The Judgement of Man (s03e10)--

Again, the low ranking of this one may be due to personal biases.  In this case, I’m still low-key bitter--five years later-- at the BBC marketing department for baiting me with the idea of Flambeau actually interacting with the rest of the squad (esp romantic tiems with Lady F)  and then giving me the absolute minimum of Felicia/Flambeau flirting and no Flambeau/Sid and Flambeau/Mrs. M interaction.

But there are other reasons why this is in my bottom 3 Flambeau episodes. 

Honestly, I feel like an equally compelling episode about the Vatican’s complicity in Nazi art theft could’ve been made without having to insert Flambeau in it. I mean I suppose it does make sense to have the art thief character  in the art episode, but still I feel like both Flambeau backstory and important historical lesson about Nazis, the Church, and Jewish art suffer from being crammed into the same episode. 

That being said, Mrs. McCarthy’s duchess disguise in this episode cleared my skin, watered my crops, etc, which is why I’ve ranked it higher than the previous two. 

5. The Folly of Jephthah (s08e05)

It loses a few points because I got very exited about the idea of Marianne becoming Bunty’s thief gf cool new friend, and yet in the episode itself, they only shared one scene and didn’t really interact much in it. That being said, I did like like that Bunty and Mrs. M had a bigger role in this episode than the squad usually gets in Flambeau episodes. 

Overall, I feel this episode works a lot better than most of the other “backstory-heavy” Flambeau episodes, because we’ve already gotten the Marianne-related exposition out of the way and can focus more on allowing her character, Flambeau’s and their relationship with each other to develop.

I’m also a bit smug in that I predicted (or at least hoped for) this exact character arc for Marianne within a few weeks of “The Daughter of Autocylus” airing and that my hopes came to fruition so beautifully.

It doesn’t particularly impact the ranking too much, but I do feel like this episode deserves a special shout out, because it has established a (hopefully-continuing!) pattern of Father Brown calling Flamby  almost exclusively by his first name, which is a major significant step in their bromance and deserves recognition as such. 

4. The Blue Cross (s01e10)--

As someone who was first exposed to Father Brown through reading the stories for a college course, I always find it especially interesting to look at the episodes that were adapted from Chesterton. 

This episode is neither the most faithful book-to-show adaptation (which is probably “The Three Tools of Death”) nor is it the best (imo “The Sign of the Broken Sword’) , but it is arguably the most significant. “The Blue Cross” was the first ever Fr. Brown story and is probably the most well-known. It’s also the first real look we get at the character of Flambeau, who (in the stories and arguably the show as well) is probably the closest thing we get to a clear character arc.

The show keeps some of the important elements of the short  story: Flambeau’s clergyman disguise, the switching of the packages. But it also has the challenging task of upping the relatively low stakes of the story, as well as introducing a major recurring character that resembles his book counterpart but remains distinct enough to justify the fairly different direction show canon is taking him. 

The show does this reasonably well--if not particularly imaginatively. I do enjoy some of the touches (I’ve written an entire meta before about Flamby’s reading material on the train and how it relates to his character)--particularly the show’s choice to have Flambeau fixated on religious art specifically (RIP for Flambeau’s Dairy Company though. It will always live in my heart).

Unfortunately in the adaptation, loses a few points for not really using the show-original characters particularly effectively. It loses still more for Flambeau’s characterization in this episode . He comes across as much more  serious and menacing in this episode than in all the others. It works okay when we consider this as a standalone episode but provides some glaring Early Installment Weirdness when we compare it to other episodes. 

3. The Penitent Man (s05e15)--

So as the rest of this list  will testify, I have strong preference for the “fun” Flambeau episodes over the more series ones. This is the exception that proves the rule--the  serious, cerebral, melancholy episode that simply “works” for me in the way that some of the others have not.

A lot of it is due to the more-intense-than-usual Flambeau character focus that goes into this. Sure, we’ve met his (presumably ex-by-now) wife, his daughter, and his first love by this point, but all of those episodes focused primarily on Flambeau as an extension of the relationships with others. (”The Judgement of Man”  in particular is far more Rebecca’s story than Hercule’s.)

Whereas this episode is very definitively focused on Flambeau himself and allows more nuanced exploration of two of the most defining facets of Flambeau’s character:  (1) his fascination with religion--and spiritual salvation in particular--  as  something he seems to resist and crave in near equal measure  (2) his almost masochistic streak of recklessness.

Even though Flambeau’s supposed “piety” is revealed to be all part of his heist plan, there are strong hints that his desire for redemption and atonement are at least somewhat genuine, even if he is not  ready to pursue them just yet. 

Off topic, but a few random things of note in this episode: this episode all-but-confirms bi!Flambeau, wet!Flambeau at the end is extremely relevant to my interests, Father Brown attempts to smuggle Flamby a lock pick from the beginning and has the audacity to say “ I only use it when I get locked out of the presbytery.”

Also, it has this iconic exchange:

Goodfellow: What is that awful smell?

Father Brown (covered in sewage): It’s me

2. The Honorable Thief (S07e10)-- So nearly all of the Flambeau-centered episodes from S3 on  have been a little preoccupied with filling in some of the gaps in Flambeau’s backstory, which is *fine*, but honestly, I feel like in doing so, they’ve really lost sight of why we fell in love with the character in the first place. 

 He’s vibrant and clever and funny and over-the-top. But most importantly, Flambeau is a lot of fun. Therefore, it follows that episodes that feature him should be a lot of fun too. 

And well... they are all fun in some way,  but they aren’t as fun as they really could be. John Light is insanely charismatic, but charisma can only go so far when the episode in question is a downer.

Fortunately, this episode is the furthest thing from a downer imaginable. It’s absolutely delightful from start to finish. The plot is serious enough to keep things engaging, but also light enough to keep us from getting too distracted by angst. 

I’m also incredibly biased in favor of this episode, because it finally gave me the Felicia/Flambeau ship tease I’d been passionately hoping for (if not really expecting to get after “The Judgement of Man” disappointed me). But it was so much and so good, and I wasn’t ready for it.

In a broader sense though, this episode really delivered with Flambeau/squad interaction in general--which was a key component that has been missing from most of the other episodes. And the Father Brown & Flambeau interactions were also has heartwarming and funny as they always are.

If I have one tiny little gripe with the episode, it’s that Daniel is not Sid. He has enough broad similarities with Sid that I can’t help but wonder if the episode was originally written with Sid and then hastily re-written when Alex Price couldn’t return. That being said, he was a likable enough guest character in his own right, and I wouldn’t mind seeing him again.

1.  The Mysteries of the Rosary (S02e05)-- Perfection. Not only is this THE definitive Flambeau episode, but is also one of the best episodes of the show overall. It has everything: the birth of bearded Flamby, bromantic road trips, a treasure hunt, great guest turns from Anton Lesser and Sylvestra Le Touzel.

I think part of the reason this episode resonates so strongly with me is that it’s really the first proper sense that we get of Show!Flambeau as a character. Sure we officially met him in “The Blue Cross,” but considering he didn’t show up until halfway through the episode and was in disguise for most of it, we didn’t really get much of a sense of who he is.

This episode changes all that and sets Flambeau up as the character we will know and love for the rest of the series--charming, urbane, funny, passionate, a carefree carpe diem exterior masking (or overcompensating for?) a sense of uncertainty and conflictedness.

Somewhat off topic, but as great an episode as this is for Flambeau’s character, it is nearly as wonderful for both Sid and Father Brown’s characters. We get to see Sid’s  ease with Father Brown, the casual camraderie that the two of them have--as well as Sid’s protectiveness (and jealousy) when Flambeau decides to gatecrash their bromantic road trip. 

Honestly, there are so many things that are great about this episode that I don’t think I could possibly list them--but one little detail that really struck my the last time I watched was that the first proper glimpse we see of Flambeau in this episode (we see him in shadow in a flashback before) involves him  saving Father Brown’s life.  Whereas the last proper glimpse we see of Flambeau is after Father Brown has saved Flambeau’s life.  Thematic reversals. Cinematic parallels. We love to see it. 

[insidious-intent]

Hey! Hope you're having a good day! 🤗 I would like to hear your thoughts on the RNM finale!

Alright! I have my morning breakfast food and beverage here, so let’s do this! Everything is under a cut because this got long. 

- This entire finale was somehow excruciatingly boring? Did anyone else feel that. There was 0 action, -1 adventure, and we didn’t even get Max cosplaying Thor level of entertainment this time.

- The first minute and a half resolves EVERY SINGLE PLOT THREAD FROM LAST WEEK. No bomb goes off, Liz saves the day, Jesse Manes is officially canceled. 

- And then immediately we jump to “a week later” and everyone is fine, no one is worried about physical injuries or how they all almost died. Liz is supposedly taking care of Maria but that can’t be seen because 2 women cannot be shown together for more than 3 seconds at a time. No one else has visited Maria? Her own mother isn’t glued to a chair in her room? Sheriff Valenti isn’t investigating any of this? ANYWAYS. But Michael is there after a week to talk about how he felt. So at least the romance is still alive. 

- So what is a guy to do after having a deeply emotional 1-on-1 with your “could have been dead” girlfriend? Why visit his ex, of course! Malex destroy the toolshed, which bless, at least we can stop talking about that one torture source. But ya know that shed had to also further the plot, skeletons and key and all. 

- Also shoutout to @frenziedblaze for noting how malex had their first time over a shallow grave. I will never unsee that. 

- Max somehow manages to have the same emotional vibes with his girlfriend and his sister. Except he only makes out with one of them. 

- Max manages to be real cute with Jenna (idk how I started supporting this brotp) and gets her to do “undercover” work for him to see what the real handsome ex-fiance wants with Liz. 

- Turns out Diego might be ready to steal Liz’s research instead of convincing her to work with him. So instead of, idk, confronting the guy, or telling Jenna to stall him, or IDK, ASKING ALEX FOR HELP, Max says “blow it all up.” The real upbeat soundtrack to Max physically destroying everything Liz worked on, was a choice. 

- Please note that ep 12 had 3 bombs, which were in play in the first minute of ep 13. And yet, the only space without a bomb (Liz’s lab) is the one that blows up. 

- Meanwhile, in Guerinland, New Mexico - Michael Guerin confesses his love to a woman he has apparently been dating for a year. Said woman ALSO reciprocates his feelings. However, Maria would like to use her powers, which now canonically will no longer make her sick, but Michael cannot sit back and watch Maria fade away (for unknown reasons). So here must the beloveds depart. Ok. 

- On the other side of the set, Michael and Alex are reading a diary written by Secretly Good Guy Tripp Manes, and for some reason Isobel Evans. Please note that Isobel Evans has used about 6 opportunities to comment on the eternal love and joy between Michael and Maria, yet for some reason she’s back on Team Malex, with 0 conversation about wtf happened. Ok. 

- Tripp Manes, much like his future descendant Alex, fell for shiny aliens with great cheekbones and full lips. Can’t blame them. Tripp talks about their connection being “cosmic” and a high pitched scream resonates from malex fandom as Michael and Alex look at each other for a single second. This is all fine. Also Jason Behr in a suit and hat is a sight to behold.

- And we find out nothing about what Nora was building in that shed, but something about the “stowaway” on their ship. Cool. 

- The best and most emotional beat of the episode was the Cameron sisters reuniting. I was sobbing during their conversation. I love them both a lot. Also here’s to Charlie being Isobel’s next love interest. 

- Aliens can’t seem to stop setting Liz’s lab on fire. This time she responds with walking away from Max, who does nothing to stop her or follow up with an apology. Cool. She ends up watching the ocean, and I gotta say I still stan Liz Ortecho. 

- Rosa Ortecho owns my whole heart. And I’m very proud of her telling her mom to screw off, and for deciding to go back to rehab. 

- SPEAKING OF HELENA ORTECHO. The woman who was supposedly scheming since episode 1, and managed to kidnap not 1 but 3 people with no problem whatsoever, was suddenly completely irrelevant again. She was mad that Jesse’s murder coverup will turn him into a hero (and I have some things to say about that considering Rosa’s murder coverup did the opposite). So instead of idk, going back to scheming with Mimi Deluca, Helena is just going to drink her troubles away. Super cool. 

- All of this leading to a beautiful yet tragically brief Kylex moment where Alex confirms that Kyle is his bff, and that Flint is ok and can be redeemed (hear hear). 

- AND THEN WE GET ALEX SINGING. lkajsdflkasdfkjahsdflkjasdlfkjasdf. I was slayed. Tyler’s voice, the face, MICHAEL AND ISOBEL COMING IN TO WATCH. IT WAS EVERYTHING I WANTED FOR MALEX. 

- So of course Michael was like, this sucks, our romance is a tragedy, I don’t even like the song, goodbye. I can’t believe this dude broke up with Alex every single episode of this season, including breaking up with Alex TO HIS DAD, while he was ‘napped.

- BUT ON THE OTHER HAND. GREGORY “LIBERTY” MANES, the bestest brother on the planet, who liberated Alex from his abuser (get it?) sat and watched Alex perform and then clapped when Alex finally made the move and bagged his tiny, blue haired nerd. It was beautiful. I may have cried. 

- FORLEX. 

- BUT WE STILL AREN’T DONE. So the full season long chanting of The Power of Three finally comes to fruition. And even though Isobel is like maybe we should do more research, her 2 bros are like it’s cool! and open the door lock thing. We find out Nora was building a prison(?) for the “stowaway” and the pod squad accidentally release him, only to realize he’s...Max Evans with a better groomed beard. I just. I-

And now we have a potential year and a half wait to see how the 82 other plot threads will be resolved (@booksmartstreetstupid has an amazing list) 

So let us all collectively turn to fanfics to help our sanity, and pray that we all return next year. 

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

July 2021 Wk 2

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Don’t Say No Ep 0 (AKA LeoFiat Special Episode) - backstory from TT2 using previous footage plus new stuff to add chemistry, agency, and flashbacks. Full recap here. Officially, the series starts Aug 6, but all release dates out of Thailand should be taken a large grain of salt. (Or dousing of fish sauce, if you prefer. Which I do. Seriously tho, I just made marinara with fish sauce instead of salt. It’s AMAZING.) 

My Boy the series Ep 2 - I get what my issue is with this show, every character is just a little bit skeezy. I’m not into creepy. This one is not yet bad enough to drop, but could be a matter of time.  

Golden Blood Ep 3 - basically we got a first date, also symbolic gift exchange and the importance of the Sky’s blood. This episode was to establish friendship and intimacy between the two characters so when one or both of them are at risk going forward we feel it more. Worked for me. I like that we even get a fight scene in a slow episode like this. 

The Best Story Ep 1 - finally more YinWar, although it’s only supposed to be a 3 ep miniseries. (Bold claim in the title, it means this f’er better have a plot.) It’s a slow moving high school Thai BL pulp on a classic crush trope, but with better acting and production values than most. Our POV Best seems to be out, at least to his friends, so props for that. Yin & War play similar personalities to their respective roles in Love Mechanics so this feels a little like it’s the story of Mark’s first crush. Still it looks like it’s going to sing your feelings trope reliant so I am... WARY AF. 

Top Secret Together Ep 9 - if there is anything I like less than sing your feelings it’s a white elephant party. So I pretty much skipped the first half. My boys were adorable, of course, but even they tropetted (that’s a word I just invented it’s trotted + trope) out the sponge bath. NO ONE IS SAFE. If they don’t getcha with a guitar, they’ll getcha with a wet towel. 

Oh hey, I think I just invented Thai BL’s operating slogan: 

If ya can’t get the boy with a guitar get him with that wet towel. 

Is it me, or does that sound weirdly kinky? 

Nitiman Ep 10 fin - and that’s it? Okaaay? So it’s was fine and cute and repped a relatively healthy relationship and... absolutely nothing happened. And I thought Oxygen lacked drama, but this was basically "a month in the life of uni students.” Seriously, just 2 cute boys trying to figure out how to have a relationship. And there it is. The cabal of matchmakers was funny tho: the Fellowship of the BbombJin does sound like something Tolkien would come up with, only gayer. Got all the tropes in the finale - coming out, distance, water, hand kiss, public claiming via phone, gift giving, including The Gear, etc.. RECOMMENDED so long as you don’t expect much story.    

Hometown’s Embrace Ep 4 - couldn’t find it and frankly, I’m not fussed. I’m dropping this one for now. 

The Yearbook Ep 0 15 min sampler (?) - could be the first episode, it’s confusing as it officially starts next week. Anygay, way different filming approach more indie influenced than usual but with Thai BL pulp pacing and pat plot. But the acting is good and it’s focused on one couple so I’m intrigued. I think it’s trying to be the Thai BL pulp version of I Told Sunset About You. 

Y-Destiny Ep 15 fin - just a wrap-up check-in. Cute boyfriends being cute and getting a little switchy. I particularly loved the ghostly 3some and their frubble. LOTS of tropes. Honestly the most improbable thing about this show was that there would be that many queer couples in one friendship group, all happily in relationships at the SAME TIME. Under real life stressors this is guaranteed to cause a breach in the space time continuum. 

This week in amusing captions: “Food that you spooned for me.” I’m a big food cuddler myself, been known to spoon a watermelon on occasion. No, that’s not a euphemism, I have a perfectly natural inclination to hug spherical things. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Monster in Law AKA Mẹ Chồn Dâu Cáo (Vietnam) Ep 12 - I’m watching is because I like the main couple but if they aren’t on screen together i kind of check out. This ep ended with spying with the intent to cause drama, which ought to be a crime, but then all of high school woudl be spent in lock up. 

Ossan’s Love Eps 5-7 - Darren’s kid is a new character, so is the female friend (maybe faen fatale?), so we are diverging from the original. I definitely like this adaptation better, although it’s still more sit-com soap than it is BL. 

Light On Me 3-4 - this one airs 2 eps a week (Tues, Thurs) also Viki has started airing, so things are getting litigious out there. Ep 3 was a very awkward dating stich which I found rough going (I get serious second hand embarrassment syndrome), but nicely dramatic with hints at secrets and fence mending. 

Be Loved in House: I Do (Taiwan) Ep 9 - OMG they are so soft and SO CUTE and so awkward and then so soft and so cute allover again. They’re like the BL couple version of this:

In Case You Missed It

Korean queer studio Strongberry dropped their short film The Confidential Coffee Break. I loved it. It’s a monologue pice about two closeted older gay professors about changing times and the nature of acceptance (self and others) in modern day South Korean academia. Go watch it. It’s in the Kinou Nani Tabeta? vein. 

They also dropped Sweet Curse. It’s basically low-gore atmospheric horror but with very high heat BL (explicit so be aware). Longer and with a larger cast than their usual stuff, but not much. 

Breaking News

KinnPorsche is on the rocks. The author disaffiliated afrom the production company, Filmania. From the author’s statement it seems like the KinnProsche team/writer hasn’t been paid(?) and the author is taking a stand and withdrawing from the project. I can only tell you want this means in Hollywood speak, and you can read that here.  

Chinese danmei wuxia(?) Immortality and Winner is King rumored to be getting live action adaptations. I know nothing more. This is not my fandom. 

Thai/Korea joint project Peach of Time also got a trailer. This has JimmyTommy in it, but I don’t think it’s a Mii2 vehicle. Looks like Jimmy has a different pairing. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Some shows may be listed later than actual air date for International subs accessibility reasons. Monster in Law and Ossan’s Love are listed on Monday because they show up whenever they show up during the week.

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

[thirstyforred]

Wild Hungover ‘77 OCs & Lore 11/??

logo by @stillness138 🤗

idek what to add, it's been in my bean for the past 2 years now

Red Riders

No one seems to know where Red Riders, a cold chrome band that one heard off before, came from. It's like they just appeared one day and got Night City by storm. But all three of them, Mona [bass, vocals], Varhe [vocals, guitar], and Nam [drums] happened to be very attractive and had a distinctive aesthetic. And what punks of Night City love the most is some good, strong aesthetic.

It also happened that after their debut during The Silverhand’s Battle of the Bands in November 2067, Sylgie, owner of Samurai Club, the newest, hottest NC scene at the time, contacted them with a sweet, sweet deal. Sylgie didn't have much experience in actually managing bands, but she knew the right people in NC and was determined to make Red Riders big. And even tho later Riders accepted a pact with the devil that is a contract with an industry giant MSM MediaCorp, they never shied away from social commentary and managed to keep their cool and style.

The first album, named simply Red Riders came out barely four weeks after the Silverhand's Battle. It was a real reminisce of that first concert - lyrics full of lack of understanding of the world as it is and rebellion against it, all basically screamed into the microphone and ears of the listeners by main vocalist Varhe. Powerful bass and drum rhythms, the actual definition of what cold chrome is about, dirt and cold sounds that might be more at home in Totentanz than in more mainstream clubs, but somehow it just worked. With songs like Where the FUCK am I?? and WTF even is this place playing almost on the loop in radio Vexelstrom, Red Riders' first album was the hit of winter '67/'68.

The band played many gigs all around the city and at least once or twice even in some forgotten bars in Badlands, and in the meantime, they partied and made connections with other bands and influential people in Night City. In the summer of '68, they released ep PROJECT MAYHEM, which really solidified Riders images as the drink&riot kind of band. Especially after the summer music festival organized by various radio stations in the city, from which the band was kicked off from the night before their concert, but returned and played their set anyway. It was Red Riders' first performance in NCRadioFest, but thankfully not the last one - they returned for the second time, tho not in the full lineup, in '72.

In '69 premiered their second, vague, autobiographical concept album  -  ETERNAL WINTER. It was still weird and exciting, and only raised more questions about where the Riders even came from. Around this time it was also revealed that the group has a contract with MSM, which to this moment was kept secret. Fans started to turn away from music that was making them feel something, but all it took to bring them all back was the concert in Reconciliation Park that Riders played in the spring that year. It was more of a spontaneously thrown together wild music fest - on makeshift stage played with Riders some other more alternative, but successful bands like The Cartesian Duelists. Between the songs, Riders addressed their fans and the controversy and then premiered their upcoming single, Tramore Bitches, with some really poignant lines: "We care, seriously, but this city is a bitch, so we won't say no to the eddies we don't deserve." Folks saw that while yeah Riders have some backup, they still will do whatever they want and not much really can stop them. Single Tramore Bitches went gold, and with some help of corporation Avera, CEO of whom was a close friend with Nam, a somewhat edited and remixed version of the song became the official theme song of CyberOlimpics hosted by Night City 2070.

Before the fall of '70 really hit Riders announced that they're going on hiatus - they wanted some time for themselves and their personal projects. Folks were crying and dying on the streets, but Riders were fast to assure that it doesn't mean the end of the group, and soon after came out Mona's first solo album. Varhe released a few eps as well, and only Nam strayed away from the music, only sometimes guesting on other artists' projects.

The only thing that surely could be called their group project during that time was a three-part album curated by Mona. Forgotten Dreams was a collection of covers of almost lost to the DataKrash songs from the beginning of the XXI century - each rearranged and performed by different artists from Night City. With the only exception being the Riders themselves who, in duets and solo, and as a whole group, covered 10 of them. The first part of this project came out in '71 in spring, and the second in fall, but thank's to the whole Digital Dead Bodies controversy that one passed by almost completely unnoticed.

In January '72 Varhe played in Unplugged for Justice in Reconciliation Park, which despite the fact that he was the only Rider at the time in Night City, was recognized as Red Riders severing all their ties with Avera and Ascalon Club, and denouncing both. In the summer Forgotten Dreams III was released and by the end of the year, it finally got all the awards it deserved. The New Year concert was even announced and Samurai Club started selling ticked for the gig when the news of ripper gang targeting and kidnapping Mona came out, and even tho the whole thing ended more or less good, the show was called off.

Red Riders still managed to surprise everyone and on New Year's Eve they streamed their new year wishes and right before the midnight hit, they announced a new album, My photographer is a vampire out and free to download from their website. And as if that wasn't enough of surprises, barely a minute into 2073 they released also their last album. Also digital, also free, also unaffiliated with MSM MediaCorp, and titled Something ends, something begins. Their last concert happened to be during NCRadioFest '73, which played only Nam [on syths] and Varhe [bass] with additional musicians from different groups. And with that bittersweet goodbye, Red Riders officially disbanded, and all dropped from the music scene disappearing to whatever place they came from. For a hot second, some people claimed that they still saw Nam and Varhe in NC clubs, but by the end of the year, it was almost as if Red Riders were never there in the first place.

[dailyexo]

[INTERVIEW] Baekhyun, Kai - 191217 Vice: “SuperM are the Avengers of K-pop”

"It’s a November evening at New York’s Madison Square Garden. Even though the house lights are still on, the excitement is palpable in the voices of twenty thousand fans singing along to every background track as though it were the main attraction. The reason for that enthusiasm is currently underneath the stage: in a few moments, K-pop supergroup SuperM will rise, veiled in smoke and clad in black and silver, to finish the first leg of their sold out We Are The Future Live tour.

Formed by SM Entertainment (one of the ‘Big 3’ record labels in K-pop) in partnership with Capitol Records, the group -- quickly dubbed ‘the Avengers of K-pop’ -- is made up of seven members from four other already wildly successful groups SHINee, EXO, NCT 127 and WayV. SuperM’s eponymous debut EP, with its lead single “Jopping”, dropped on October 4th, followed by a Los Angeles showcase that shut down Hollywood streets and was live streamed worldwide. Just a week later, they celebrated a historical no.1 on the Billboard 200 -- making them the first ever K-pop artists to hit the top spot with a debut release.

It’s worth noting that SM has experimented with supergroups and ‘special units’ before, but these are typically temporary and Korea-centric -- a live performance here, a special single there. SuperM, as you’ll likely have noticed, has been aimed directly at the international market since the very beginning. In harnessing their individual strengths and fandoms -- all members maintain their roles in their original groups as well as their solo careers -- SM have formed a group with effectively 14 million collective albums sales and almost four billion music video views to its name before it even started. United in this way, the artists bring a new kind of energy that fans are lapping up. Just two months on from release, the video for "Jopping" already has over 47 million views.

So who are these seven members?

Taemin, the 26-year-old industry veteran among them, debuted in 2008 with SHINee. Fans watched on as he grew from a shy teenager to a fearless artist who is now famously looked up to by his peers. Baekhyun, the eldest and designated leader of the team at 27, is one of EXO's lead vocalists, known for his cheekiness. Then there’s Kai, also from EXO, who happens to be spellbinding, ballet-trained performer. Taeyong, one of NCT's main rappers and lyricists, is something of an enigma. His full-time bandmate Mark, the youngest of the supergroup at 20 years old, also helps out on the rap front. Completing the line-up are two NCT members who are also part of their Chinese subunit, WayV: Ten, a multitalented Thai artist, and Lucas, a Hong-Kong born heartthrob.

We caught up with the group to discuss how they deal with nerves, feeling like rookies again, and the new releases they've got planned for 2020.

Hi SuperM! During your debut showcase back in October you mentioned being nervous. Has the US tour been less nerve-wracking?

Taeyong: First off, it’s been so great to be back as SuperM to perform in front of all our US fans! We’re having so much fun. It was less nerve-wracking because now we’re a lot more comfortable with each other and had much more time to practice and perform together than we did for the debut showcase.

How was the process of connecting with each other, since you come from different groups but have known each other for years?

Kai: I think all of us were very open to each other, wanting to get closer. Despite already having a senior-junior relationship, we were all open to teaching each other and we had a lot of great conversations. I personally tried to connect to the rest of the guys like an older brother from the neighbourhood. We joke around a lot and have fun together.

What's one thing you learned from each other so far?

Ten: We’ve been learning so much from each other in many different aspects, but if I had to choose one thing, it’s probably music. We all come from distinct music styles, so it’s cool to learn from each other when we’re together. It makes me look forward to every day.

Can you tell us how you prepared for this tour?

Mark: Our preparation time was more limited than we would have liked, so we were very committed those sparse days we got together. We rehearsed in various ways: for example, we built a replica of the stage at a gym to rehearse, and of course we rehearsed at the actual venue as well. The energy was always really good.

What was your first impression of "Jopping", both as a track and as a word?

Mark: The strong SMP [SM's signature genre, a blend of pop, rock, R&B and hip-hop with bold choreography] vibe struck me the most. I could feel how vast the track was just by listening to it, including the depth it held. I honestly believed that it was the right song for SuperM's debut. As for the word, I thought it was a good idea. It fits the energy we wanted to deliver as a message and it felt cool to be introducing the world to a new word of our own.

You all perform solo stages at the concert. Which is your favourite and why?

Ten: Everyone is obviously so amazing, so it’s hard to choose one. But if I really just had to choose, I’d choose Taemin’s solo stage. In just five minutes, he showcases his vocal abilities through “Danger”, then kills it for the choreography and overall performance aspect during “Goodbye”. As I watch him perform, I can’t help but to think that he is one of the most impressive all-around artists out there. I hope to be an artist like that someday.

You guys have clearly launched with a unique strategy. What other innovations do you want to make in the industry?

Taeyong: It’s been really cool to be given the opportunity to be part of something new and innovative like this. As a team and as individuals, we all want to showcase new and innovative stages and performances to our fans. It’s been a fun journey working together and figuring out how to showcase our styles within our performances on this tour, both as a group and individuals. We hope to continue to bring fresh new ideas as artists who perform on stage.

You all have years of experience behind you, but with SuperM you are technically rookies again. What advice would you give to your younger selves?

Baekhyun: I do think of us as rookies again as SuperM. And the synergy we’re able to create with this specific combination of members makes for a whole new set of charms. If I were able to give advice to my younger self, I’d definitely tell him to continue to work hard, because people will notice you as long as you try your best.

Can fans expect another official release from SuperM soon?

Mark: I don't want to give out any spoilers, but we did perform two new songs during the tour already. Fans may already be expecting another comeback and I want to assure them that we are currently working on new things to show our fans. We are trying our best to create something that will meet or maybe even exceed our fans' expectations. Hope they like it.

What are your expectations for 2020?

Taemin: Because we’ll be back in the U.S. promoting for the tour, I’m excited about experiencing all the different cultures and famous spots at the different regions we’re headed. And of course I’m so excited to see all our fans there!

Mark, in NCT 127's recent interview you jokingly said that you came from the future. Now SuperM's tour name is We Are the Future. What does this mean to you?

Mark: I believe that "future" is and has always been the motto and the mindset of everyone at our label. Whatever it may be, we all try to focus on the next step and make plans for what's ahead of us. Our aspiration is to lead the generation through our music and art.

SuperM have just announced their European 2020 tour, stopping off in Paris on 26 February and London on 28 February."

Credit: Vice.

[colde0channel]

[ENG] 180530 COLDE - DAZED INTERVIEW

Q. I was hesitant right before I came to see you. I wasn’t sure what questions to ask. I assumed ‘music’ was the only clue that explained your name ‘Colde’. 

Colde: That’s absolutely right. I never had the intention of creating a visual stereotype of the work I’ve been doing so far. I’ve rejected using other elements besides music.  It’s the same reason why I wear a hat/cap when I sing. That’s why I’m reluctant to be exposed in the media and I hardly do interviews very often. I’ve been doing that for the past two years, I’m now working as a solo artist as of this year. I thought this time, I’d have to brand myself differently. This is my first magazine interview with Dazed.  (t/n: He feels more confident performing on stage. He explained in previous interviews that he’s in fact a ‘timid’ person. This interview took place in 2018. Colde officially debuted with 0channel as ‘offonoff’ in 2016.)

Q. That sounds great. So let’s start this with, what’s the meaning behind the name ‘Colde’ ?

Colde: There are certain words that I love, and one of them is ‘Cold’ . When I visualised it as an image, I thought it fit well with my voice and appearance. I’m naturally not a bright person but the name ‘Cold’ goes well with a calm feeling. There are lots of meaningless typography (names) so that’s why I put an ‘e’ at the end of ‘Cold’. (Cold + e= Colde) (t/n: He mentioned on Red & Yella, that he got the name using a word generator. Although his name is Colde and with a voice that sounds ‘cold’ too, he wishes to bring warmth with his music.)

Q. What type of person is ‘Colde’ aka ‘Kim Heesoo’ like in real life? Are you as quiet and calm as when you sing?

Colde: I like to think positively, and I’m usually quiet. However once you get to know me, I like to joke around. I tend to discuss deeply about what I love;  like collecting vintage items, old books and I love taking film photos that I can directly connect to music. Which I then keep in a stack of archives. Also riding an old car. I write songs with that kind of inspiration. I know a lot of people have been curious. (t/n: In fact he has a tattoo of an ‘old car’ on his right arm. Also the film photos he took in Texas (2019) were used for his LOVE PART 01 EP cover)

Q. What other things do you do, when you’re not doing music?

Colde: Talking (to friends)? Or watching a movie. I enjoy drinking tea peacefully while reading books. I like going to clubs but only when it’s for work, like planning a performance or parties. (laughs)

Q. Don’t you sometimes dream of escaping in a fit of anger?

Colde: Hmmmm, well I would take a walk on the Han River Bridge and just sing. Then sing loudly until I can’t hear my voice and the sound of cars.

Q. When you know you have enough control of yourself, it’s not as easy as it looks. So far, do you think you’ve been able to compete only with music rather than revealing yourself (into the public). 

Colde: When me and 0channel moved together as a team, we solely focused on ‘offonoff’ as opposed to individuality. Our concept was not to let anyone know about us, like Margiela (brand). It was difficult to continue with that kind of concept as a crew (team). But with that, it’s constructed well in its own way. I would express it as ‘branding’.

(t/n: It’s almost saying as if ‘offonoff’ is a brand of its own. Martin Margiela who owns the brand, remains to be a private person.  “Constantly challenging people’s expectations, the label persistently presents the idea of anonymity within their collections, and often sends models down the catwalk with their faces concealed so the concentration is on the clothes.” source: vogue  )

Q. I agree. Nowadays, we do the branding ourselves. Offonoff and Colde’s music reminds me of the phrase you either ‘like it’ or you ‘crave for more’ . Without a doubt, both of you have different opinions. When you work on an album, how much do you or both express your own preference(s)?

Colde: For my solo music, they’re all centered around me so everything is decided by my opinion.  Whereas in comparison to teamwork (offonoff), our opinions are half and half. We combine both of our ideas, well enough to make it work. That’s why it takes longer to work on the album. Which is the same for other things besides music. From a month before the album was released, we gathered every week to have visual meetings. Discussing ideas on how we would like the music video(s) to turn out. So I think we have good teamwork and synergy based on that.  

Q. I heard that your first solo single ‘Your Dog Loves You’, from song writing to music video and album promotion was done without any label.

Colde: When we were still promoting as ‘offonoff’, our previous label (HIGHGRND) positively reflected the opinions of artists. So there weren't any conflicting issues. When I wrote this song (YDLY), I told myself “I’ll pursue this, there’s no one stopping me.”  I started working on the album (YDLY) thinking about my dog; Samna. Even though we’ve been apart for a while, I still feel a sense of happiness. I realised that love is truly incredible. I wanted to express the meaning of my love and gratitude (for her), so that’s why I wrote about Samna as my first single. ‘Your Dog Loves You’ is a song that conveys my honest self and emotions with sincerity. Thus recording (the song) is important when doing music.

Q. What type of branding will be added to this song? 

Colde: For this song, I think my real name ‘Kim Heesoo’ best represents me than Colde. To Samna, I live as ‘Kim Heesoo’ (laughs). We will be selling T-shirts with the release of this album. Some of the proceeds (from selling the shirts) will be donated to ‘CARE’, an animal shelter organisation. They also helped with the music video shoot. 

Q. Is Wavy a type of movement?

Colde: That is correct. It's not just a concept or a crew but it's going to turn into a ‘brand’. Essentially it will then form as an ‘official label’. I'm still thinking about how I'm going to make it interesting, once it's unveiled. I can't tell you any more details, please keep an eye out . (laughs)

Q. It seems that promoting the song strategically is as important as good music.

Colde: I guess you could say that. When me and 0channel made our first song (Mood. mixtape [2015]) as ‘offonoff’, we tried to complete it with a high quality visual. With that, we started a website for it. The goal was to make the site accessible for everyone to access, and I paid attention to the small details. (offonoffart.tumblr.com) Which I think played a part of the promotion. It’s the same process for my solo music. I’m not only good at making music, but I should get the most out of using webzine, youtube channel and SNS websites (instagram etc). I also like to observe and explore how people use these websites.

Q. Are there any public figures (eg. actors, writers, artists) or anything that you are interested in nowadays?

Colde: Vintage shopping. In my spare time, I would make a trip looking for only vintage items.

Q. In your opinion, is nostalgia for old (things) any special?

Colde: Without them (old things) what would be left after the person passes away? Money? I don’t think so. If I leave something that is special (to me) I’d regard it as if it’s my child. I believe that whoever is influenced by me, will be greatly inspired. If you have a distinctive preference, the meaning of life will look even more different. Then I’ll be able to explain that clearly to someone, before I die. 

Q. What’s the latest thing you’ve purchased?

Colde: Yesterday I bought a candlestick decorated with crystals on it. There’s a favourite shop that I like, whenever a new item comes in the owner would always contact me first. I also bought postcards and old magazines.

Q. Does that kind of preference also similar with fashion?

Colde: I love anything vintage in Japan and the UK. When I talk to my friends, ‘vintage’ is always the subject of the conversation. (t/n: He visited both countries before.)

Q. It is evident that cool musicians like you dress well. I think that’s why we’re able to film Eli’den Men with you today. 

Colde: I’ve been offered a lot of fashion photoshoots and I’ve disappointed many, even though it’s a great opportunity. I had to decline them. I’d rather make a proposal for myself first, planning to do projects which connect music and fashion. Having the chance to work on Eli’den Men, I was so excited that I knew it would be fun. Even wearing eleven outfits was a challenge for me. 

Q. How do you feel after filming it?

Colde: I feel great because I got to wear many pretty clothes. (laughs)

Q. What is the relationship between fashion and music for you? 

Colde: I think my own criteria of fashion determines whether I'm an artist or not. Anyone can identify if an artist’s identity is connected to fashion. It doesn’t necessarily mean an artist has to dress well. I don’t think I can look my best, without that connection between work and clothing. It’s very important to show your personality through fashion. For example, when performing as offonoff’s Colde, I would wear my cap pretty low. Because that’s the character I set up for myself. I’m the type of person who doesn’t want to make eye contact with people, who’s also timid, passive and a reserved person. But in reality I’m gloomy and an introvert.  After becoming a solo artist it’s getting better, now that I’ve started to open myself up to the world.  Hence why I decided to appear on the show ‘BREAKERS’. The process of opening myself is revealed through fashion.

Q. I can feel the sincerity from your honesty. From now onwards I have high hopes of what’s going to happen next (for his next music release). 

Colde: For my next second single; the keyword is  ‘Fashion’. (Colde - WAVE [EP]) These days, I’ve been so immersed in my work. I’ve been planning this (album) since last year. It’s going to be a lot of fun. I’m planning to get a head start on this around June to July.

Q. So will we meet again next month?

Colde: I’d love that (smiles). I think it’s more meaningful if it’s with DAZED. Please look forward to my new music and upcoming projects.

✧ original source here

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