#which is sort of a basic building block. as far as unsettling tones go

[arowizards]

when brennan said hundreds of needle-sharp transparent teeth he did that for alex ward and ME. <3

[stuff-from-the-void-matron]

Laurel Wreaths & Animal Teeth (7)

(c!Technoblade x fem!Reader)

(I know y’all are getting tired of waiting for Techno to arrive, so am I! But I have no solid control over the story plot lol but I swear it’ll happen soon!! And y’all know the drill! Reblogs and comments keep this story going. So if you want a chapter 8 then please show this chapter some love! <3)

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(FORGOT TO MENTION ART!

The amazing 'YeetUsFeTUSDelETusss' on DA was so cool and drew two pictures to bless our eyes!!)

READER HERSELF!

READER PROTECTING HER BOYS!

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Only Tubbo showed up the next day, and he said he sadly couldn’t stay for long because him and Tommy were needed back at L’manburg for a while. Meaning him and Tommy wouldn’t be able to visit for a bit, but they’d try to visit as soon as possible! Hearing they’d not come see you for who knows how long made you pretty sad. You honestly looked forward to when they’d visit. It was honestly the highlight of your day. But you knew whatever nonsense was going on in L’manburg currently would need their attention. Though you wondered what exactly was going on. You recalled a decent amount of the ‘history’ of the Dream SMP but you knew you could be misremembering or even mixing things up. But you did remember the big things that happened. Like the wars and stuff. So needless to say you were concerned.

‘What point in history am I in right now? Whenever it is, L’manburg is apparently still standing,’ you thought pensively before asking Tubbo what was going on that they’d need to stay in L’manburg.

Tubbo sighed and said it was ‘just some drama’ but apparently their, meaning his and Tommy’s, older brother figure Wilbur had been president of L’manburg for the entirety of the time L’manburg had existed. But some new citizens who joined them found out he’d not been properly elected and didn’t think it was fair to everyone that Wilbur had basically just made himself president without any input from everyone else. Which you could see was not right but this information told you that you were in the pre-election time. Which meant Schlatt and Quackity hadn’t won yet… But that hinged on this universe even being the same one that you’d watched on youtube. Things could be different here for all you knew. You’d always believed in the multiverse theory so who was to know WHICH universe this was. Or how you even got here. All you could do really was to just… wait and watch.

A couple hours passed during the short visit and towards the end Tubbo showed you how to message others, ie; him and Tommy mostly. You’d known how to message others and put in commands and stuff in regular minecraft but you’d just sort of never thought to try those things here in this place. Though to be fair you’d been dealing with a lot of stuff so fiddling with your inventory and everything hadn’t been your top priority. And when he’d mentioned messaging him your first thought had been ‘how?’, because this was a ‘real life’ minecraft, where things were very similar but not always exactly like how it was in the real game. The biggest difference being that there was no computer keyboard or ‘screen’ for the type/chat option to be at the bottom of like in the game.

But to your surprise the place to type in a message was actually IN your inventory. More specifically it was at the very bottom of the main section right below where your items were stored in the hot bar. You’d never paid the long ultra thin box at the bottom any mind, assuming it was just part of the weird design. But no, Tubbo showed you with his inventory how if you tap on the thin box (that you’d honestly thought was just a line) it expands into a typing window! Your eyes widened at that and watched as he tapped the typing box again and a little keyboard appeared below the typing box and he started typing something into it. You squinted and he said to message someone you needed to be sure to type ‘/msg’ and then whoever’s name you’d like to send the message to!

He demonstrated this by typing out the first part then right after it typing your ‘name’; aka Reader. Briefly you wondered why it had been made that but you brushed that thought away to focus on what Tubbo was doing. You saw him type ‘hi reader!!’ before hitting Enter. Then a second later you heard a soft ‘ping!’ sound and you just KNEW your inventory was waiting to be pulled up. Like knew in an instinctual sense. Like how you knew to blink or how to walk. Just an instinct you couldn’t explain so you brought it up and there at the bottom the ‘line’ was flashing a pale red. So you did what Tubbo had done and tapped it, revealing the little typing box. Only this time it had a message in it! It said, ‘Tubbo whispers to you: hi reader!!’ and you smile. Excited now you type out a message to him and hit send. He got it and laughed after he read it. 

‘Reader whispered to you: hello my little goat boy!! :)’

After that he blinked when more messages popped onto his text box. These were from Tommy and Wilbur it looked like. With a sigh he checked his clock and dismissed his chat box before saying he was sorry but he had to get going. He’d actually stayed longer than he was supposed to. You were sad to see him go but knew he’d be back, and hey, now you could message him and Tommy to make sure they got back to L’manburg safe instead of just wondering like before. So you told him to be careful on his way back and to message you that he was safe home when he arrived, and also if he needed any help. He laughed and cheekily said he would but gave a shy smile when you pulled him into a hug and gently knocked your antlers with his horns, but he happily returned it. Not so secretly enjoying the affection. But he had to pull back and leave.

That left you to your own devices.

-0-

With nothing better to do you initially spent the next three days building a couple fountains in the village (which was getting pretty big..). One tiny frog shaped one in the little grotto at the west side of the village and a much larger more traditional one in the opposite side of the village. You’d even set up park benches, flower plots, lamp posts, and stone sidewalk around the bigger one. It was very pretty and the villagers seemed to be enjoying it. But after that was done you’d sorta gotten bored. You weren’t really inspired to do anything else to the village so you thought of ways to occupy yourself. Eventually a metaphorical lightbulb flickered to life above your head and you got an idea. 

You could go to the Nether! 

Sure you weren’t the biggest fan of the place but it beat sitting around twiddling your thumbs waiting for a reply from your only two friends like some loser. And hey, you liked giving piglins gold. They made cute little piggy snorts when they were happy. So with that loose plan in mind you got up from where you’d been lounging by the creek and brushed yourself off before heading out to the place outside the bamboo and prickle berry wall you’d placed the first Nether portal. You crafted one real quick before tensing up when you heard the sound of rustling behind you. Assuming it was a creeper or something you glanced back, not that it would hurt you but you still found it unsettling for anything to be sneaking up behind you. You caught a brief glimpse of something small and white disappearing into a cluster of ferns. You paused, wondering what it was but then about a block to the left of the ferns a chicken and her chick walked out from around a tree. ‘Oh, must have just been a baby chicken’, you thought with a mental shrug before turning back to your task of lighting the portal with your flint and steel.

Once activated you stepped into the purple swirling mist and your vision warped before you ended up in the Nether again, stifling heat and all. 

-0-

You’d been exploring the Nether for what felt like hours. The place was goddamn enormous! You’d followed the same sand block trail from the last time you’d been here, seeing the piglins and a few striders along the way. And to your delight a familiar little piglin baby started following you. She (you think she’s a ‘she’, that’s the vibe you’re getting anyways) had to be the one you’d played with the last time you’d been in the Nether. You crouched down and patted her head and pulled a golden carrot from your inventory before gifting it to her. She squealed happily and munched on it. You kept walking along the sand path before reaching the fortress. That’s when you diverted your path to the right and started exploring that way, careful to keep laying down sand as you did. You thought the baby piglin had stayed back but after a while of walking you heard a soft snort and glanced down to the left of you to see her happily trotting along with you, still nibbling on the golden carrot.

You wanted to melt, she was such a cutie pie. You stopped and asked if she should be travelling so far away. Won’t her parents miss her? She blinks and seems to understand you before shaking her head ‘no’. You figure she must have some pretty lenient parents. But you suppose piglins are sturdier than humans so it makes sense they’d keep their kids on a looser leash than humans would. So you ask her where her parents are and if they’d be okay with her wandering off with you, a stranger. She tilts her head and shrugs. You purse your lips and ask if she can take you to her parents so you can ask if they’d be okay with it. This time she shakes his head no. So you ask her why and she seems to be thinking how to answer before she goes over to the closest block of sand and starts drawing in it. You look over her shoulder and see her drawing three hearts. Then your stomach sinks when you see her draw an ‘X’ over each heart, meaning one thing..

“Oh sweetie, did your parents lose all their lives?” you ask in a gentle tone.

The tiny piglin nodded and your heart broke for her. You asked some more questions and discovered she wasn’t really being taken care of by any one piglin. The other piglins knew her parents were gone so they’d sorta chip in to make sure she had food. But that was really it. This made you feel worse so you just sighed and patted her head and said she could join you while you explored the Nether. She snorted happily and you two continued on your way. Eventually after walking for a bit you came across a warped forest. You had to admit the biome was much prettier in person. The stark contrast between the Nether’s usual red color scheme and the teal of the warped forest was really beautiful. Even the weird little green/orange fungus that were growing everywhere were cute. You even picked a handful to keep, placing them in your inventory before continuing your little jaunt with the baby piglin. 

That last thought made you mentally pause and realize that you couldn’t just keep calling this kid ‘baby piglin’. So you stopped walking and looked down before saying you forgot to introduce yourself. She could call you Reader (since that’s what your little name thing said..). Then you asked what her name was. She blinked before snorting a little, like she was clearing her throat, and said, “Azogamay.” 

You smiled and said you liked her name, making her give a cute little tusked smile. Then as you continued exploring you both made small talk. Nothing deep (how deep could conversation get with a little kid) but you asked each other the usual questions. Like favorite foods, favorite colors, favorite animals, etc. Then Azo (you’d taken to shortening her name to make it easier) answered one of your questions with some gibberish that made you pause. You glanced down at her and gave a ‘huh?’ that made her giggle before apparently remembering you weren’t a piglin. She said she forgot and spoke Piglin. That made you raise your eyebrows because you’d never thought about other species in the game having their own language. But now that you were thinking about it, it totally made sense. Of course they would, duh. Now very curious you asked her to teach you a little! Like did she know how your name would be said in Piglin? Her answer surprised you…

“Eaderray!” she said in her quiet baby voice.

Now you two had entered a wide soul sand valley, which made Azo anxious. She hid behind your leg, making you recall that Piglins didn’t really spawn in this biome or like soul fire (which is super common here). You had to admit the place was rather creepy. It didn’t help that the soul sand beneath your feet was emitting a rather creepy whispery wail. So you decided to turn back and try another direction. Azo seemed relieved and trotted along behind you. But once you were walking again you remembered your last thought and had a vague feeling about this ‘piglin speak’ and wanted to hear more. So you asked Azo some other words, just to test this theory of yours. And well…

Skeleton? Eletonskay…

Blaze? Azeblay…

Strider? Iderstray…

Lava? Avalay...

Gold? ...Oldgay (that may have made you snicker).

But you got the idea and honestly you cannot be held accountable for your reaction after you realized Piglins honest to fucking god spoke PIG LATIN.

You lost it. You laughed so hard you doubled over and had to brace your hands on your knees to keep from collapsing onto the ground. Azo didn’t know what was so funny but your laughter was contagious and she ended up laughing too, intermixed with little snorts that made you laugh even harder. It was a whole cycle. And by the end of it you’d laughed so hard you started coughing and had to sit down to catch your breath. The giggles returned a couple times but eventually you got control over yourself enough to be able to breathe normally again. As you sat there, little Azo looking up at you in amusement, you couldn’t believe the absolute batshit nonsense that was happening in your life right now. But out of everything that had happened, you think finding out Piglins spoke pig latin had to be the funniest. Though you wanted to test your theory further so you said to Azo,

“Ellohay Azogamay, isyay isthay ightray?”

Azo’s eyes brightened and she perked up, looking close to bouncing from excitement as she realized you were speaking ‘Piglin’ to her. She started babbling at the speed of light, in a way that all excited toddlers seemed to be able to do. While it was cute enough to pull a chuckle from you the downside was that you could not understand a single word Azo said. You got her to slow down, telling her you didn’t speak Piglin fluently so she would have to go slow with you otherwise you’d be lost. She nodded, just happy that you could understand Piglin. So she slowed down a lot and chatted with you that way. And that’s pretty much how the rest of your time in the Nether went. You traversed through the hellish dimension and brushed up on your pig latin with the little piglin. 

It has definitely been a LONG time since you’d even thought about the made up ‘language’. You’d had a friend in elementary school who had been Obsessed with it. It was all they spoke sometimes and they’d talked it up so much that it caught on with the rest of the class, yourself included, and soon everyone was using it to write notes to each other, like a secret language. You’d even speak to each other only in pig latin during recess and lunch breaks. You’d been fluent in it and didn’t even have to think before speaking. Though after a year it had lost its popularity and everyone slowly stopped using it since the fad was over. But you still remembered a good deal of it. Enough to speak it slowly anyways. But the more you used it the easier it was to speak it. It was like riding a bike you supposed, you never truly forgot it.

-0-

Things were going fine until they weren’t. You’d stopped to have lunch in a crimson forest, more for Azo’s benefit than your own, and were sitting and eating for a while before Azo started playing with a baby hoglin. Which had been fine, you’d seen baby piglins and hoglins do that in the game before, no biggie. But they’d gotten rambunctious the way kids do when they’re playing together. And while chasing each other around Azo had smacked into one of the adult hoglins, which had pissed it off enough for it to snarl angrily and start chasing Azo. And Azo in turn began squealing in fear while running away. You’d dropped the steak you’d been idly munching on and sprinted after the two. Sadly the hoglin was closer to Azo than you and managed to get one good hit in with its tusks, the force behind it practically yeeting Azo up into the air. You yelled in horror as you watched the baby piglin fall down into a lava filled ravine. 

Panic flooded your body, you knew zombie piglins were fireproof but regular piglins were not as far as you knew. Let alone baby piglins who just took a direct hit from a damn hoglin. So without thinking about it you dove into the ravine after Azo, catching her in your arms and fully planning to hold her up above the lava since it wouldn’t hurt you. Once she was in your arms you jerked back instinctively, not sure why, just maybe bracing for the impact with the lava. You waited but… nothing. About that second you realized that you weren’t moving anymore. You’d come to a halt and at first you wondered if maybe you’d landed on a block and not noticed. But… one glance down revealed you were not in fact standing on a block. Actually you weren’t standing on anything. You were hovering about 3 or 4 blocks above the bubbling lava at the bottom of the ravine. You were so stunned that you almost missed the sniffling snorts that started up next to your face but thankfully they broke you out of your shocked state. You looked at Azo and your heart broke when you saw her tearing up and looking close to crying. Forgetting momentarily about whatever the fuck was going on with you floating you focused on soothing her.

“Aw sweetie, are you okay? You took a hit from that hoglin, where does it hurt?” you cooed.

She was babbling mostly, being too upset to try to speak English. And understanding crying pig latin was almost impossible. So you just asked her to point where it hurt. She reached for her back and side and you softly told her you were going to lift her shirt a little bit to see if there was a mark, and she nodded shakily and sniffled while you did. You winced at the blooming bruise and adjusted her so you were basically cradling her and with your free hand you opened your inventory and started looking through the potions. You grabbed a healing potion and uncorked it before offering it to Azo, whose snout wrinkled at the potion. You told her it was alright, it was a healing potion that would make her feel better and get rid of those bruises for her. She looked unsure but still let you raise the mouth of the potion bottle to her lips so she could sip it. She took a few sips before hiccuping, potion swirls wafting off of her after she did. The baby piglin blinked and felt the pain in her back and side start to disappear. 

You smiled and said that must feel better, Azo nodded and was happy she wasn’t hurting anymore. You let her take one more sip for good measure before putting the cork back into the bottle and stashing it in your inventory. But once that was done you were reminded of your current predicament. You were still floating in place above a ravine of lava.. With zero clue on how to move too. Briefly you internally panicked at the thought of just.. never being able to move again!! Being stuck fixed in one spot forever with no way to get down or live freely! Though before you could panic further you took a deep breath and told yourself to relax. This wasn’t permanent, it couldn’t be. There logically has to be a way for you to move. You got yourself stuck here and you’ll get yourself down as well.

And the last thing you wanted was to look scared with Azo here with you. She was just a little kid and needed the only adult around to be strong for her. So you put on a smile and reassured her that things will be okay and you’ll figure out how to get them both safe on land in no time. Azo nodded, looking less worried than before. So you started trying things you think would get you to move. You could move your limbs no problem. Proven by how you could move Azo around with your arms and kick your legs about without issue. But your body as a whole was still locked in place. Though when you leaned your upper body to the left you hit a breakthrough! Tilting your torso to the left managed to move your whole body to the left by about a block and a half! Now onto the right path you started leaning your torso this way and that, figuring out what movements actually got you moving and which ones didn’t. Figuring out how to move side to side and forwards and back was pretty easy. But it was figuring out up and down that was tricky. 

At the moment going down was the last thing you were interested in, what with the lava beneath you. So you tried focusing on going up, and after a lot more wiggling about that you were sure made you look like an idiot to anyone who could be watching (Azo only giggled a little) you finally figured out that to go up you had to tense and stretch your torso a specific way. Like exactly how you would do if you were trying to reach something on the top shelf, only you didn’t have to move your arms or legs the same way, just your torso. Like how people straighten themselves to seem taller, not slouching at all. After getting that down you manage to go up and then over out of the ravine. Which was a relief and a half. Now that the threat of sinking into lava wasn’t a worry you instead fixated on getting down. Thanks to figuring out how to get up you had an easier time getting the hang of getting down.

Once your feet touched the ground the floating thing disappeared and gravity was restored to you, making you able to walk around normally again. You gave a small cheer, Azo snorting happily as you carried her back to your spot on one of the crimson mushroom tree tops. Once seated you let out a breath and felt your shoulders relax. You hadn’t even been aware they’d been so tense, but you guess it made sense what with how you just sorta had a weird physics related mishap. But now that you and little Azo were safe you felt like you could breathe again. 

You took a golden apple out of your inventory and took a bite, the sweet juice soothing your metaphorical ruffled feathers. You noticed you mostly just eat for the taste now. Which was fine you guessed. When you glanced down you held the apple close to Azo’s face, asking in semi-good piglin if she wanted a bite, chuckling when she eagerly sunk her little teeth into the sweet fruity flesh of it. You gave her the rest and just watched the other Nether inhabitants mill about peacefully. Today had been a wild ride for sure. At least compared to your usual peaceful days. You leaned back against the lump of red fungus behind you, Azo cradled in your arms, and sighed calmly. You’d been ready to rest your eyes when you heard a soft ‘ping!’ that had you blinking back into focus. It was your communicator app thing. Thinking it was just Tubbo messaging you to say goodnight or something you casually opened the message. But when you did you raised an eyebrow at the note from your kid.

‘Tubbo whispers to you: the election is tomorrow afternoon, can you come? 

‘Tubbo whispers to you: i’ve got a bad feeling.. i’m not trying to pull you into our mess’

‘Tubbo whispers to you: but idk i’d feel better if you were there.’

You had a bad feeling too… You hoped what you likely knew was going to happen DIDN’T happen but.. it probably was. So you sent back a quick reply to Tubbo.

‘You whisper to Tubbo: of course I will! you can show me around your home! :)

You tried to keep your reply upbeat and happy, not wanting to feed into the teenager’s worry. Even though you were probably more worried now that he was. But regardless.

It looked like you were visiting L’manburg.

[izabellq]

DREAMS -> Akaashi Keiji

summary: a soulmate au where you see each other in your dreams.

pairing: akaashi keiji x gn!reader

word count: 3k

contains: angst, fluff, open-ended (also, if you guys spot instances where i specify gender, let me know and i’ll try to fix it asap! i edited this but sometimes, things just slip by)

akaashi keiji thinks the world is cruel.

he swipes the dust off the leather bound book before carefully sliding it back into it’s alphabetized slot. he carefully maneuvers himself around the oak wooden shelves, letting his feet track footprints into the burgundy rug below him. with a sigh, he realizes he is yet again desolated. a library reverie dedicated solely to himself and his predestined soulmate. yet, it seemed the universe had yet chosen one quintessential for him. akaashi didn’t need perfect, but on some days, he just wanted to have someone.

the macrocosm was seemingly convinced he was unfit to wield one. strung on the idea that he was intolerable and unmatchable. akaashi’s pessimistic attitude had betrayed his hopeful one, and soon, he was unable to shield himself from the knowledge that perhaps-- there was no one in the world meant for him.

(he still desires one, because he’d love nothing more than to connect with the person who he was bound to meet. he wants to depict their love in unrealistic fairytales.)

nights go by where he falls asleep and lounges in his fantastical library. he decides he could write a book with all the time he has to himself. but then again, he knows better than anyone that most of his projects remain unfinished. he’s lost inspiration, captured by the nasty talons of writer’s block. he thinks he’s at the end of his rope, and for a second he believes it’s about time he goes down a different career path. but he doesn’t do that. mostly because he’s unsure, and partially because he’s still filled with hope.

(but when his soulmate never shows, he comes to realize that hope is a fickle thing.)

it's one random day of the week where akaashi’s schedule isn’t as rigid as it habitually is. after a long afternoon of practice (which doesn’t stray from the norm) he��s desperate for sleep, and despite knowing that taking a nap would complicate his circadian rhythm, he was rather desperate.

drifting towards the soulmate reality became a feat he was more than used too. the vertigo he commonly experienced was quick to depart as he molded into his surroundings, the familiar scent of paper musk and printed ink leaves much to be desired.

though, if there was one thing that was slightly unsettling— it was the disruption of books laid despotic on the floor. akaashi, though only sometimes forgetful, had never once committed such a polluted act. he was always careful to restore books to their proper position once concluded, so he wondered what possible entity could have disrupted the neat nature of his lonesome library.

(it’s when you round the corner that all his presumptions were answered.)

oh dear, he thinks, you’re a winsome mess. books pulled into your chest, pajama pants folded past your ankle, a tank top only doing so much as to cover your chest and stomach. your mouth is shaped into an ‘o’ as if his presence was the most stupefying thing around— when really, it was you. 

(a book slips from your grasp, a reverberation follows shortly. he tries not to wince as it lands on its pages, folding the corner of the paper.)

the moment of shock is lost and your look of astonishment is replaced with mild skepticism. “who are you?” you ask, almost defiantly. 

“akaashi,” he replies honestly, though the look on your face seems to morph in some sort of revelation that he can’t understand. 

“say it again,” the stern tone of your voice lets him know that it wasn’t a mere request but a demand. he isn’t quite sure why you’re so on edge but because he already seems like the most rational one between the two of you, he doesn’t argue.

“my name is akaashi keiji,” he repeats himself, his concern only multiplied by the sting of comprehension creased into the sight wrinkles of your face. a part of him truly understands the circumstance before him, though a portion of him doesn’t want to give into the naïveté— because for so long, he was cursed with the belief that he didn’t deserve a soulmate. 

“your words keep getting… blurred,” you tried your best to explain, though no matter how detailed your explanation, the experience couldn’t be put into perfect words. “you know what that means… don’t you?”

of course he knows. on days where he thought his life was the one exception— he researched every story about soulmates as he possibly could. some were undoubtedly fake, others were heartwarming, but the one common piece of information he stumbled upon was that soulmates couldn’t hear personal information about the other whilst in their dream world. perhaps to prevent early encounters or just to make the process seemingly endless; either way, akaashi was well aware.

“i didn’t think i had a soulmate,” he lets his guard down decently low, though the flutter in his heart alerts him that it’s all going to come crashing down eventually. 

“neither did i,” you admit, placing down the books wrapped in your arms onto the floor. he wants to question what you could possibly be doing, but there’s more alarming inquiries he needs answers too.

good thing you seem just as eager to figure out why today was any different. “did you do anything today that might’ve been different from your usual routine? i went to bed at eleven… which isn’t any different from any other day.”

that’s when it hit akaashi�� the answer was so obvious. “we live in different time zones. that’s the only reason i can think of…”

he trailed off, having been caught in the most frustrating loop of incredulity. all this time… you were right there… so close yet so far. the only thing that had separated his years of getting to know you was a different sleep schedule. in due time, he may look back at this incident and laugh— but right now, he felt cheated out of the most basic human experience ever.

(like a story, this was only the rising action— or perhaps the exposition, because this was truly the start of something new.)

he wants to speak, to reach out and connect with you in all the ways he’s only wished to do, but your harmonious laugh distracts him from his thoughts. “i never understood why my soulmate reality was a library. i guess that’s because of you, right?”

he doesn’t understand your change in personality in the same way he can’t tell when bokuto’s in a bad mood until it’s happening right before his eyes (though others would beg to differ). he’s desperate to learn everything there was to know about you— most importantly, your name. It’s the only thing he wants to know.

instead, he settles on, “what are you doing with those books?” 

it’s obvious you weren’t expecting that question, but then again, how was akaashi supposed to ignore the books you're defiling by simply letting them scatter on the floor? 

with a shy giggle, you respond, “well… since i thought i was alone, i was going to make a huge fort with them… ya know, cause i'm not much of a reader.”

from the red tint of your cheeks to the way your head was slightly tilted to the left was surefire proof of your discombobulation. and to akaashi, it seemed to hold such a power over him that he was unable to keep check his usual deportments. screw etiquette! this wasn’t even reality! 

“i’ll help you build one,” he offers, picking up a book from the ground. he runs his thumb over the edges, smoothly out the wrinkles that had surfaced. 

your head perks up, an opulent grin painting the once grimace. “really?!”

(for a smile like yours, he’d do just about anything to safeguard it’s fluoresce.)

back in the real world, all day his thoughts are occupied with you. you exist, your real, somewhere out in the world, your waiting for him. it’s a condolement he’s not willing to gamble with. he finds himself wanting to take more naps, just for the chance to indulge in another conversation with you. of course, it meant the eye bags under his eyes had sunken into a deeper shade— not noticeable to anyone that wasn’t him, and considering the effect it had on his everyday appearance, he’s come to the conclusion that it’d be nearly impossible to visit you every day of the week. it wouldn’t stop him from trying though.

from the side of the volleyball court, kuroo nudges bokuto skeptically. “what’s with that look on akaashi’s face… it’s starting to freak me out.”

bokuto hums— in approval? in contempt? who knows, but he’s happy. “he told me he finally met his soulmate. he’s just excited!”

“ah,” kuroo clicks his tongue knowingly, “i thought he didn’t have one?”

“turns out, they just go to sleep and wake up at different times. konoha thought it was pretty funny,” bokuto relayed, a chuckle bubbling under his throat. for so long, he had witnessed akaashi’s self-doubt and insecurity, and while parts of them still existed, it seemed to be slowly resolving itself. he couldn’t be more happier for his best friend.

“well, tell him to start focusing, i want to beat you guys when you’re at your best,” kuroo smirked, narrowing his gaze onto bokuto.

“you’re so on!”

(for the rest of practice, they had to endure akaashi’s love-sick gaze. fukurōdani still won.)

a month had passed since your very first interaction together. getting to know each other was more laborious than first intended. some words remained blurred, preventing the other from learning anything that might accelerate the rate of introduction in the real world. akaashi just wanted to know your name. it’s how he came to learn that while the universe was giving, it was also relentless.

“hey! i've been waiting for you, you know! i want to show you something!” you call from under the makeshift book fort. having just arrived, he knows from this point on, he has around thirty minutes before he’s awoken for dinner. 

thirty minutes, four times a week— the only times he’s ever been able to talk to you, due to the tight schedule you both live in. it’s too little, too small, and he feels selfish for wanting more. 

crawling under the fort, he pushed himself up to the side, wanting to give you as much room as possible in the cramped spot. in your hands, you have a book— it’s thin, meant for children, pages that combine to tell a moral. when you hand it over, it takes him less than a second to deduce the story and it’s plot. not because he’s some genius who had read every book on the face of the earth but because this story was rather popular in other parts of the world.

“sleeping beauty,” he reads aloud. his fingers run over the cover, trying to mentally depict what could be so important about this story that had you desperately trying to show him.

“it’s one of my favorite stories,” you sigh, propping your elbow on top of your thigh, leaning the weight of your face on your dominant hand. “my grandma used to read it to me all the time.”

oh. oh. you’re not asking what he thinks you're asking? right?

“can you read it to me, please?”

you are asking. his heart beats against the tightness of his chest, his ribs feel a tad out of place. and he knows— soulmates or not, he was utterly and completely yours. his cheeks flame and he attempts to hide it under his shirt.

“are you blushing?” you ask, and he can practically feel the teasing grin on your lips.

“no,” he mutters. 

you shuffle from your spot and coincidentally; tower over him. your hands and legs trap his body under your presence. you’d practically be touching him if the soulmate reality allowed you too. akaashi finds that to be the greatest travesty of them all. even though it’s practically impossible, he can feel your warmth radiate around him as if you were actually there. 

“does that mean you’ll read to me?” you ask, the battering of your eyelashes ever so visible. he doesn’t understand how you came to that conclusion, but it only tells him you knew exactly how’d he’d answer before he did.

“i’ll read it to you… just don’t laugh, okay?” akaashi opened the book, flipping the white picture-pages until he had reached the first chapter. you giggle, obeying his request with much hypocritism. you moved to sit beside him, leaning just a bit aways over his shoulder to follow along.

(akaashi isn’t a prince, but he’s more than willing to be yours if you asked.)

“i’m moving… so who knows? maybe we might meet in person one of these days,” you declare. It’s been an entire year now since he’s met you and it’s safe to say he’s utterly whipped. now in his second year of high school, he thinks he’s gotten to know you well enough to the point where the only thing left to learn is your name. 

(what’s your name??)

“you’re moving? above or below the equator?” he jokes.

luckily, you laugh-- knowing that there really isn’t much you can say without your words becoming a blurred mess. “i’m still above the equator, loser. actually, if we’re going to get really specific— i’d say the northern hemisphere.”

you guys laugh at your puny attempt of a joke. really, you know it meant no difference, and the fact that you can only rely on fate to carry you through is pitying to say the least.

“i can’t wait to meet you,” akaashi declares honestly, pulling on his fingers in habit. he wants to say more, anything that remotely rhymes with i love you, but he wants to save that special moment for the day he meets you. he knows more than anything that you’re waiting for the same.

“i can’t wait either— honestly, i think my mom might be more excited than i am. i talk about you all the time, you know?” you softly lean against your book fort, your eyes as happy looking as your smile.

(yeah, it’s safe to say he can’t wait.)

akaashi and writer’s block do not coexist peacefully. 

struggling to find words to replace the repetition created on pages, desperately searching for a means of inspiration-- he’s awfully close to giving up.

with a huge essay due tomorrow and a huge game he can’t afford to lose on the same day, he stresses over the fact that he may not be able to put his one-hundred-percent effort into both. even in the middle of a library (he should note: in the real world), a place where solitude was absolute, it provided no peace of mind.

it’s only when a small child, no older than five, wobbles out of the kid’s section with a copy of sleeping beauty, that akaashi’s reminded of you. with a small smile, he calms himself down. after all, you are his greatest muse.

(you’d probably laugh in his face if he told you that.)

after moving away from your hometown, which wasn’t quite as jarring as you expected it to be, you were quick to make friends. you wouldn’t call yourself a social butterfly— but contrary to most teen dramas, new students weren’t ‘fresh meat’ ready for the picking. finding a comfortable group of people you could associate yourself with, you found that most of them were volleyball fanatics (not because they actually played the sport, but because there were a lot of cute boys on the teams around the area, or so they say). either way, going to one of the games was inevitable. like a sort of inauguration you had to go through if you truly wanted to be considered part of the group.

you wouldn’t have it any other way.

after all, akaashi plays volleyball— that much you knew. the team name couldn’t be said, but at least you knew the sport he associated himself with. although he wouldn’t admit it, he was good, his team was good; after all, they made it to nationals and that was more than enough substantial proof. and while you didn’t want to get your hopes up, you were going to watch the national matches. you wondered… could this be the day?

walking up to the main arena, there was a certain ponderosity in the air that you couldn’t describe. it was as if a crushing truth was about to fall on your shoulders, and not knowing where it was about to fall from— you felt a crawling chill.

at the same time, akaashi had just finished the first game of the nationals match, split between wanting to rest or attend to bokuto’s high spirits. he’s attempting to walk into the main arena to watch the karasuno vs inarizaki match, but with his team basically surrounding him in their own attempts to make their way through— he deems the effort fruitless. 

just as he approaches the door, so do you.

but you're too busy keeping up with your friends.

and he’s too busy trying to squeeze past a ranting bokuto.

your hands graze each other’s, and simultaneously, you both receive a shock that runs down the basis of your spines. something prompted him to search for the cause of the odd feeling, and in that moment, he finds you. your back is faced towards him, your hair made no difference in the immediate recognition process-- but he’s sure that he’s met you before. he just knows it. the answer is on the tip of his tongue, a fraction of a second away from being revealed. 

he watches as your friends wait up for you, before your social circle turns around the corner and disappears from his sight (he gets hit with a strong sense of nostalgia from that). his heart stings, for reasons he can’t quite place. he’s never been too good at distinguishing his feelings anyways. bokuto is ushering him towards the stadium seating area, and the answer once on akaashi’s mind had dissipated into the air.

once he turns the corner, the moment is forgotten.

it’s only when he falls asleep later that night, not having dreamed of you, that it dawns on him.

akaashi keiji thinks the world is cruel.

CHECK OUT MY MASTERLIST HERE!

[zak-bucks01-blog]

Experimental Music Composition - Church Walk Student ID: 21815459 Module: MC568 Experimental Music Composition

Introduction:

For this composition I have been tasked with the creation and conceptualisation of an experimental track along with writing a journal in order to document the experience and process. With the help of a hand-held recording device, I spent time field recording throughout the weeks, trying to capture sounds that I thought would be interesting to use in the production or sounds that would in any way compliment the overall finished composition.

The Concept:

The initial part of this process was coming up with a strong concept in which the following music could stand upon. This is the part of the journey that I found most difficult, trying to put some kind of a story or background/thematic idea to the music without it being purely technical is something that I have been aware of in music from other experimental artists, but never something I had ever attempted to do myself. I tried sitting down and listening to the reference music that I had heard in my Experimental Composition module but after some time trying this, hearing other people’s concepts behind their music was thought provoking but not entirely helpful in terms of having a sudden spark of personal inspiration. Feeling a little bit like I had already struck a creative block, I decided to think about the local environment and how I could manipulate it into sourcing creative sounds.

I felt that the best way to get started be to just spend time outside exploring, I did think of going to nature-based areas, woods and large parks to capture that environment but I thought that might leave me with some quite dull sounds to work with. Instead, I decided to go straight into the local town. It was just getting past 6pm, when I arrived and parked my car in a local, fairly dilapidated car park. I called the lift to reach the ground floor and suddenly realised that the mechanics of the lift were making a noticeable screeching sound as they were rising to my floor. To create this sound again, I took the lift to the ground floor, took the stairs back up to the top floor and called the lift a second time, recorder ready. The sound of the lift amplified through my headphones was intense, it enhanced the low-end bass frequencies, a rumbling sort of sound plus the high-end screeches of the mechanics sounded great. Once the lift arrived, I kept recording and deescalated to the ground floor. This time holding the recorder to the floor of the lift in order to capture more of the low end frequencies. I also captured the autonomous female voice, letting me know that I was “going down” and I repeated this process once more as I had realised the doors of the lift were making an odd “clinking” noise, they must have been slightly loose and were wobbling. I was unsure where to go next but then suddenly I noticed that I could hear church bells in the distance. Realising it was a Sunday, the local church was open. This is what sparked the concept idea for my track. Heading straight over - still recording, I captured the sound of church bells with increasing volume. I walked straight into the church and was greeted by a choir already set up directly in front of me and just by mere chance, then they all started singing at once. This seemed like such a perfect opportunity so I went to sit directly at the front pew to capture as much as I could. I recorded a few of their songs once I felt I had enough. Another set of recordings done. As I was on my way out, the organ player started improvising on the spot. After recording him for a few minutes I headed off back home to make a start on arrangement. The concept idea that had come to me while doing these recordings was based on religion, maybe in a controversial way. Since I had already recorded the mechanics of the lift before I heard those church bells, it gave me the idea that my concept could be a reflection of religion being a kind of industry/machine. The cross over between modern day industrial/mechanical sounds combined with the spiritual/spectral aesthetic related to religion could really make a haunting pair in my mind.

The Production:

I had a rough idea for a structure in mind at first, I wanted to have a full church choir recording acting as the main theme throughout the piece, along with the mechanical lift sounds to create some kind of noticeable structure, intro, verse, chorus etc. After doing some arrangement and sound manipulation with effects and pitch, I quickly realised that not only was this not working because the choir was over powering, even after EQing to reduce high and mid frequencies dramatically but also that the choir had its own tempo which was slightly out of time, trying to pin point it was very difficult. I did wonder if time stretching the audio would make a difference, but I didn’t go this far as I was also wondering why should I go along with a traditional song structure while creating an experimental piece in the first place. Instead, I left the church recording to one side and focused on the lift recordings. Firstly, I started by going through all the lift recordings one by one and cutting out the clips that had different qualities to them such as tonality or dynamic differences. I ended up having quite a wide variety to play with. After cutting out a piece that had more low end frequency than the rest, I added some basic reverb (EnVerb) to widen it out as the original recording was quite claustrophobic. I then had a try with effects like chorus and phaser but these seemed to cheapen and take away the uniqueness of the sound, a little bit too gimmicky. Finally, I came to experimenting with distortion, using a plugin called “PhatFx.” I also added some basic tape delay and a single band EQ along with a graphic EQ to remove a chunk from the overpowering bass frequencies that PhatFx provided. This worked wonders, I’ve always been a fan of overly distorted noise in music, a good example would be the lower end pulsating from “Merzbow – Requiem” (timestamp - 6:25). For the rest of the lift recordings that make up the “middle section” of the composition, I used the same plugins throughout with varying settings, particularly on EQ. I sometimes opted for a delay pedal found under the pedalboard plugin section purely because I find it easier to work with and is usually my go-to delay effect, I also added a tremolo effect from the pedalboard plugin to further compliment the disorientation. There are parts of my track that resemble a “scrambling” sort of sound, this was accomplished by simply using different lift recordings that had differentiating tonalities to them, some picking up more of the screeching mechanics and wobbling doors with less of the floor rumbles but is mostly due to the heavy amount of distortion which emphasised the differences. A good comparison to these sounds could be intro section from “The Body – For You” (timestamp – 0.00). Using multiple of these scrambling, static-like sounds and cutting them up appropriately, I managed to make a kind of disorientating rhythm section. This was very useful for me as the Experimental Composition module that I’m studying has taught me that sometimes it’s useful to have some concepts of familiarity when creating experimental music, but not too much. It provides the listener something to grab onto as it resembles a recognisable quality in a more generalised sense of music.

After working for some time on the lift recordings, I had created somewhat of a structural piece already and decided that it would be best to have the church walk recording as the “intro,” and the lengthy organ improvisation recording to be my outro, the lift recordings being the “middle section.” Moving onto the church walk recording once again, my original idea of having this be the main point of focus throughout the song was simply not going to work, it would be far to difficult for me to integrate this into the chaos of the lift recordings. I also struggled trying to edit the church walk, other than a bit of EQ to remove the mid and low frequencies and pitch shifting downwards by only 1 semi-tone to add some unsettling vibes, I didn’t do much with it at all except use it structurally for a build up into the mid section. I also barely used the church choir recordings that I had, sadly I just couldn’t find space for them to fit in. Instead, this was also added into the intro, I used the “one-two,” speech from the conductor as my own count-in and only a small snippet of the choirs first harmony. Again, I didn’t do much with this recording, I wanted to keep it as raw as possible to really make it feeling like you walked straight into a church. Lastly came the outro, I knew I wanted to use the organ players improvisation here so I went ahead and attempted to make it sound as unsettling as possible to fit the feel of my overall track, adding downwards pitch shift by 6 semi-tones and reverb but most importantly, an octave pedal plugin. This allowed me to really emphasise the lower octaves of the organ which turned it into something resembling the inside of your stomach while digesting some unhealthy food. Very unsettling, but some of the sheen from the original recording still came through which resulted in an odd mix of deep low end octaves but with a shimmering almost spectral like quality in some areas. The real challenge on the outro was some kind of bridge between the mid section and the organ outro, I tried a few options like repeating the “lift punch” section again but that seemed a little unimaginative. Instead I created another rhythm by cutting out a tiny part of the lift recording and looping it to create a clicking sound. This was a nice tear away from the chaos of the middle section and a bridge to the outro. By using the single band EQ, I was able to add to the build-up by increasing the frequencies every few bars, about 200 – 300Hz at a time. This ranged from 1440Hz to 2450Hz. I also used the lifts autonomous voice “down,” to drop into the outro.

At this point I felt the structure was complete, it has an intro, a build up into a mid-section and a bridge going straight into the outro. Some parts of the track have recognisable musical qualities while other parts are off putting and I would consider the piece to be at an experimental level. All that was left to do was some mixing, compression and fine tuning any effects that I already had in place.

Here are some screen shots of the various effects that I used:

[ineverhadmyinternetphase]

Take Me On An Adventure

AO3 Link

Genre: Oneshot, Queerplatonic relationship, they’re figuring stuff out slowly, 2009 phan

Summary: Fiction.  Exploring the facets of their new relationship is tough on both Dan and Phil, but by the end of it, they feel a little more like they know where they're going. Continuation of QPR verse.

Warnings: Extreme lack of plot, some discussions of difficulties surrounding being in a QPR

Word Count: 3k

A/N: I've wanted to update this verse for ages, but just haven't had the time, so here is a short little excerpt for the meanttime ^_^

Now, and as ever, for my dearest Charlotte <3

Title from Tom Rosenthal's 'About the Weather'

--

Long distance was hard, harder than Phil would have imagined it to be. He’d kind of thought it wouldn’t be a problem for him, when in the past he’d envisaged some kind of future relationship he might be able to have. The physical stuff wasn’t so important to him, after all. He was all about the emotional, the knowing that someone else out there was his, and solely his. The not feeling quite so alone in his skin.

He had that, with Dan. Miraculously. But it still wasn’t enough.

The trouble was, Phil had had a taste of what it was like to be around Dan now. He’d been able to touch his fingers to Dan’s arm, to knock his ankle against Dan’s knee when they were sat watching tv together, to carefully link his fingers with Dan’s when they were out in public. He’d got a taste, and now he was greedy.

Skype was all well and good, but it wasn’t enough.

Dan called him ridiculous, when Phil tried to explain this. He chuckled with that laugh that made the corners of his eyes crinkle, Phil’s favourite look, and said, “Mate, I didn’t think you had it that bad.”

“Do you not?” Phil asked, a little desperately. “It’s like, I can’t even talk to my mum without wanting to blurt out your name every two seconds.”

Dan’s eyes closed off, just a little, just then. Phil’s heart tugged in response.

“So she knows, does she?” Dan asked carefully.

“Yes. Well, no. Well, not exactly.” Phil grimaced, taking a moment to think. “Like, she knows about a Dan. She just doesn’t quite know what this Dan is to me.”

Dan ducked to hide behind his hair again. The skype connection only allowed for a grainy image, so it was hard to read his expression, which Phil hated. He was learning a lot of things about Dan, but one of the key ones was that Dan tended to show his true feelings through his expressions. He’d go on rambling rants about the things he loved, but superficially – it was hard to get at what was really going on inside his head. Especially when he felt insecure.

Phil was learning how to read him, though it was taking a while.

“Is that ok?” Phil asked, leaning in towards his screen. “I mean, do you mind?”

Dan shook his head quickly. He bit his lip, avoiding looking at the camera.

“Are you sure?” Phil pressed. “You could tell me, you know. If it wasn’t.”

“I could?” Dan’s lips twitched into a small, shy smirk, the one that made Phil’s stomach wriggle.

Phil nodded.

Dan shifted on his crossed legs, resting his chin on his fist. He was avoiding looking at Phil again. “I mean, what would you even tell her?”

Phil lifted a brow. “What do you mean?”

“If you were talking about me.” Dan’s tone was carefully neutral, his gaze hidden behind his slightly ridiculous, very Phil-like fringe. “What could you even say? I’m a friend off the internet?”

“No,” Phil said immediately.

“Why not?” Dan’s tone was almost savage, now. “That’s basically what this is, right? Friendship.”

Phil blinked. He was thrown by Dan’s words, a little confused, a little hurt, even. They’d talked about it, in person, when he’d had Dan in his arms and got him to melt, all his hard edges to soften down to something truer. They’d talked about what they were. Phil was sure they had.

But what if, somehow, he’d been reading it wrong?

“Is that you want it to be?” He finally worked up the courage to ask.

Dan dug his fingers into his cheek. “Doesn’t matter what I want. That’s what it is.”

Phil looked at him in confusion. This was another reason distance was hard – it wasn’t as easy to understand Dan when all Phil had was a grainy image and his words. Often, a lot of what Dan said was contradicted by what he did. He’d laugh and call Phil sarcastic names all while curling up on his lap, which negated any hard meaning they might have had.

It was difficult to do that over skype.

“I am completely confused,” Phil confessed after a beat of silence.

Dan laughed. It was a harsh chuckle deadened behind his fingers. “Why am I not surprised.”

Phil shook his head. Something unsettling nestled itself under his heart, caught up in the way Dan was still avoiding his eyes. He knew this happened sometimes, that Dan got stressed, but he didn’t usually close himself off from Phil. He usually blurted out everything he was feeling, all his insecurities, his fears.

Maybe this time, his fears were too close to home. Or too close to Phil.

Either way, Phil didn’t know how to unpack them this time. Dan was too far away for him to reach out and hold, and without that, Phil wasn’t quite sure what to do. He was clumsy with his words, much better with his actions. That was part of the reason Phil had known Dan would make a better youtuber than him one day – Dan was articulate, expressive, could talk for hours without stopping once he got going. Phil found it more difficult.

“When are you coming back up?” Phil asked in a desperate bid to rescue this conversation.

Dan was still avoiding looking at the camera, now picking at bits of fluff on his bedsheets. “Dunno. Whenever, I guess.”

Something sharp twisted in Phil’s stomach.

“Soon, though?” Phil pressed, unsure whether the reassurance was for himself or for Dan. “There’s the Halloween gathering. The youtube thing, in London. I’m going.”

Dan glanced back at him then, looking at the screen, and for a second he looked inordinately, inexcusably young. His voice was morose. “But I’m not a proper youtuber.”

“Yes,” Phil argued stubbornly, “You are. You’ve got subscribers and you’ve got videos. There. Proper youtuber.”

Dan was smiling, just a little, even if he was trying to hide it. “Yeah, but I’m not on your level.”

“I thought we’d curbed your fanboying tendencies, Dan.”

“Shut the fuck up.” Dan pressed a hand to his mouth, presumably suppressing a smile. Phil could still see his cheek dimpling. “I mean, I can’t go to a gathering.”

“Why not?” Phil leaned in closer, the urge to fix things growing and growing. It was much easier in person, and ever since their first meeting, Phil had this irrepressible urge to be around Dan constantly. It wasn’t an easy thing to ignore.

“For one, I’m not invited,” Dan pointed out.

“I just invited you,” Phil argued right back.

Dan made a face at him. “You’re impossible. I just started, and my videos aren’t even good, I can’t just—”

“You’re in Phil is not on fire,” Phil pointed out again. “People love that. My subscribers ask about you all the time, you’re totally able to come.”

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say. Dan curled himself into a ball, retreating into himself again, his expression closing off. “Yeah, sure. They’re your subscribers. You can go.”

That sharp thing twisted inside Phil’s stomach again. The fear that maybe he’d been going about this all wrong tied his innards into knots, so he forced himself to ask, voice small, “Do you just not want to see me again?”

Dan held his expression for a minute, and then his face crumpled. He shook his head. “No, of course I want to see you again.”

Relief flooded warm through Phil, and he took a breath. “So come to the gathering.”

Dan looked up at him again, straight at the camera, his expression unreadable.

Phil stared back imploringly.

“Alright,” Dan relented finally, and Phil was sure he caught some relief hiding in his tone. “I’ll come.”

---

Youtube gatherings were heady, rowdy affairs. People were flooded everywhere, talking and drinking and laughing, and there was hardly any space to breathe even if they were outside. Plus, they were in London. Phil didn’t much like being in London. Buildings blocked the sky and there wasn’t enough green.

He was remembering why he didn’t usually go to these things. His contemporaries in youtube tended to be loud, social people, even if they didn’t quite fit into the usual crowd. But put a bunch of misfits together in a place they felt safe and suddenly everyone was on top of everyone, and there were very few that Phil felt he had anything in common with at all.

PJ, of course, but he wasn’t there and still had some reservations about Dan (totally unfounded, in Phil’s opinion). It meant Phil was keen to keep Dan separate, though, and also, Dan. He was really all that Phil was focused on.

Dan was clearly uncomfortable, at least to Phil’s eyes. Sure, Dan might be drinking and chatting loudly with some of the others in the room, but his tone was forced and his eyes were tired. He bounced with a sort of nervous energy, and there was always some part of him that was touching Phil – fingers, sides, an ankle hooked over his, an arm around his waist. It was possessive in a way Phil liked, but also felt a lot like Dan was seeking comfort from him.

After they’d made the rounds and Phil had talked to everyone he needed to to look polite, introducing Dan where necessary, Phil gripped Dan’s elbow and leaned in close to his ear. “Want to get out of here?”

“Already?” Dan looked surprised, but not disappointed.

Phil shrugged, confessing quietly, “I tend to just stay as long as I’m obligated to, and then disappear with the food.”

Much to Phil’s relief, that charmed a grin out of Dan. “Why am I not surprised.”

“Yes, well,” Phil nudged Dan across the floor, squeezing between tightly packed people, “Now you get to come with me, so.”

“I’m the luckiest,” Dan agreed in what was probably supposed to be a joke, but came out sounding a lot more like he really meant it.

Phil flushed, tried not to think about it, and dragged Dan outside.

They found solace on the edge of a fountain, food shared between them. Dan seemed to relax the moment they were away from people, but he still sat unnecessarily close to Phil, all squidged up against his side with his arm touching Phil’s and his head dangerously close to Phil’s shoulder. They were basically the same height, but whenever they sat together Dan seemed to make himself smaller, like he could tuck himself up into Phil and hide forever.

Phil would let him, too, if he asked.

The noise was dimmed out here, faded to the background when Dan was by his side. Phil could tell he was staring at Dan, had been staring most of the night in fact, had seen it on the faces of his friends and peers, the ones who were wondering who that guy on Phil’s arm was. The ones out of the loop were, at least. The ones who’d seen their dailybooths and tweets sent Phil much more knowing looks.

Phil didn’t like those so much at all.

“This is better,” Dan said unexpectedly from beside him.

Phil drew himself out of his thoughts, focusing in again on Dan to find him looking down at the ground. Phil nudged him, shuffling closer. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Dan turned his head and gave Phil a small smile, not one that made his eyes crinkle, but his dimple did appear. “Yeah, much better.”

“I’m glad.” Phil was itching to reach out, to wind himself around Dan somehow. They hadn’t had much time to themselves at all yet, all Phil had been able to manage was a quick hug earlier before they’d had to draw away and head into the crowds.

So now Phil took a breath, reached out, and grabbed Dan’s hand.

As clumsy as ever, Phil missed the first time, instead just knocking his hand into Dan’s. On a second attempt, he managed to link their fingers together.

Dan sent him a bemused stare. “Did you just?”

“Shut up.” Phil flushed, bumped his shoulder affectionately against Dan’s.

“You did just.”

“Leave me alone.”

Dan shook his head, but his dimple had made another appearance. He gave Phil a look full of fond. “You’re hopeless.”

“Leave me alone,” Phil whined, leaning in and miming biting at Dan’s shoulder. A memory of their first day together floated through him, how happy and on top of the world he’d felt that Dan existed. He still felt like that now.

Dan made a small noise that might have been a chuckle, and then glanced down to where their joined hands were resting on his lap. A strange expression flitted across his face.

Phil was tempted to ask, but he didn’t. Instead, he just squeezed his fingers around Dan’s. They still had the whole night together, staying in London. There would be time to talk. For now, Phil just wanted to hold Dan’s hand.

Dan squeezed back, sending him another brief smile. “You know a lot of people here.”

“I’ve been doing this for a while,” Phil shrugged, still caught up with staring at Dan. “Mostly they know me. I don’t remember half their names, if I’m honest.”

Dan’s lips twitched. “Bad at networking.”

“There aren’t that many people online I’m interested in,” Phil answered, and leaned in closer still.

Dan shuffled his feet, but he didn’t lean closer. He didn’t draw away either, he just… didn’t lean closer. This wasn’t how he’d been last time, when he’d been clambering all over Phil, asking to try kissing him, then just winding his way into Phil’s arms. Maybe Phil had been wrong to expect that, but… well. This was a little strange.

Maybe Dan just didn’t like crowds. He’d said as much to Phil before.

Dan’s fingers squeezed Phil’s again, and he took a breath, glancing down at the floor. “There aren’t that many people who seemed to know me, though.”

“You just need some more time.” Phil squeezed back. “A few more videos, they’ll all know your name.”

“I don’t know why it matters, really,” Dan muttered. “I just like doing what you’re doing. And it’s fun, making videos, and you say they’re good, though I don’t really believe you.”

“They’re good,” Phil said bracingly. He held his tongue about Hello Internet. He, personally, loved seeing anything Dan made, editing mistakes and awkwardness and all. And Phil had no doubt that Dan would grow into his channel. He’d already shared some of his best ideas with Phil, and Phil knew they’d be good.

Dan gave him a small smile. “I know you think so. No one else will, though, it’s like – it’s the same with everything, really.”

Phil’s forehead creased. “What’s the same with everything?”

“The same as, like, everything.” Dan’s voice had lowered, and he was speaking faster. Phil had to duck closer to catch every word. “You always think what I think, and that’s amazing, but does it really matter if no one else thinks it too?”

Phil had a feeling they weren’t just talking about Dan’s videos anymore.

“Like, if it’s just something the two of us know,” Dan continued, falling into his stride, “Then what’s to say it’s even true? Or real? It might just be the two of us making stuff up to feel better about ourselves.”

Phil thought that over carefully, squeezing Dan’s fingers in his before he answered. “If the two of us agree on something, then that makes it real for us.”

“Yeah, but like, that’s not the same as objectively real,” Dan argued, his expression twisted up. “What if there’s nothing objectively real about any of it? What if we’re just lying to ourselves to make it feel better?”

“We’re not talking about your videos anymore, are we,” Phil asked gently.

Dan turned to him, his face all scrunched up. He let out a little, defeated sigh. “I guess not, no.”

Phil squeezed his fingers, then dropped Dan’s hand in favour of offering him an arm to curl up under. Dan did so, burrowing under Phil’s shoulder and laying his head against Phil’s chest.

Phil pressed his face into Dan’s hair. It was quiet out here, away from the noise of the gathering, easier for Phil to unwind. He didn’t feel tense, not when Dan was in his arms and they were finally talking. He wanted to learn every little piece of Dan, eventually, to figure out why he sometimes went quiet and sometimes closed off. Phil wanted to learn how to round off those sharp edges, how to get Dan to smile his wide, crinkly-eyed grin more and more often.

“Is it that important to you?” Phil murmured eventually, his arm tight and warm around Dan. “What other people think?”

Dan let out a low sigh. Instead of answering, he said, “My mum asked if I was off to see my boyfriend again today.”

Phil blinked. “Oh?”

“I told her no,” Dan said a little savagely. “Because you’re not. Are you?”

Phil swallowed. His throat was stuck.

“She had enough trouble understanding when I told her I liked boys and girls,” Dan mumbled into Phil’s shirt, not lifting his head. He was almost trembling against Phil. “She does get it, though. Sort of. She’s just about there. I can’t – I can’t tell her something else on top of all that, when – she had enough difficulty with that, I can’t just throw something else at her—”

“It’s alright,” Phil soothed, rubbing his hand slowly up-and-down against Dan’s arm.

“It isn’t, though.” Dan shook his head against Phil’s chest, warmth moving. “I don’t know what to tell her. What to tell anyone. Those people in there—” he gestured back over to the gathering, not moving away from Phil, “—They all think they know, too, because I was stupid and used dailybooth the way everyone else was using it—”

“There’s nothing wrong with that, Dan,” Phil murmured.

“There is,” Dan answered savagely. “There is, because I hate it, I hated every second of it, and with you I finally felt like – like maybe there’s another option—”

“There is,” Phil promised, and wrapped both arms tight around Dan. “I told you, I don’t like any of that stuff either.”

“And I believe you,” Dan reassured, sniffling. “But what if the rest of the world doesn’t?”

Phil bit his lip and held Dan tight. His head was pressed into Phil’s shoulder, and Phil kept him there for a moment, squeezing so tight in case it might help hold Dan together. Everything felt easier when he had Dan in his arms – easier, and right. There couldn’t be anything wrong with it. Dan’s fears, his insecurities – Phil had heard them all before, from his own head, all throughout uni up until he’d decided it just wasn’t worth it. But then along came Dan, and now—

Now, Phil thought both of them could finally be safe from all that.

“It doesn’t matter to me,” Phil answered softly after a long moment of silence. “What everyone else thinks. It doesn’t matter, because I have you, by some miracle – and you’re the same as me.”

Dan let out a low, disbelieving laugh. He clutched tight at Phil, clinging on, and Phil let him and held him back. Dan was quivering, all his nervous energy from earlier rippling through him in slow, continual shudders.

Phil held him close and closed his eyes, and drank in all that was Dan.

“I guess I’m just insecure, still,” Dan mumbled eventually, drawing back from Phil to bump their shoulders together again instead. “Everyone’s reading into things between us. I don’t know what to tell them.”

“Honestly? I don’t, either,” Phil confessed quietly. “I think my mum’s thinking something similar to yours. Hasn’t asked me yet, but – well. I don’t often skype someone for five hours every day.”

Dan bit back a smile. He sent Phil an almost-shy glance. “Same.”

Phil grinned.

Dan reached between them and caught Phil’s hand in his, linking their fingers together again. “I’m just – I worry that maybe this is something we’ve just made up. Like, is there anyone else even remotely like us out there? Being… together, without being together, you know?”

“I know,” Phil answered, squeezing Dan’s hand. “And I’m not sure. Maybe, somewhere out there on the internet. We could do some googling.”

“I might do that,” Dan answered thoughtfully, glancing up at the sky.

Phil watched him closely, tracing his expressions. He’d already picked up from their conversations that Dan stayed up in his head a lot, that he liked knowing his place in the universe, where he fit in with everything else. Phil could see why this might matter to him slightly more than it did to Phil.

But still, Phil had to check. “You’re happy though, right?”

Dan blinked, glancing over at Phil with a questioning look.

Phil bit his lip, squeezed his fingers in Dan’s. “About us, I mean. Us being – whatever we are. You’re happy?”

Dan looked at Phil for another moment, and then he broke out into a smile. His proper, crinkly-eyed smile. “So you get insecure too, huh? Never would have guessed it.”

“Shut up,” Phil muttered, shoving at his side.

Dan chuckled. He leaned into Phil. “To answer your question – yes, Phil. Of course I’m happy. You’re amazingphil, and I don’t even have to try and be something I’m not with you. That’s amazingly refreshing.”

Phil grinned. “Isn’t it.” He could empathise with that all too well – no longer having to push himself to be something he wasn’t, to feel something he couldn’t. This way, he got Dan, and he didn’t even have to do anything other than be himself. It felt too good to be true.

Dan smiled back at him, but then his face grew more serious. “But you don’t mind if I – if I don’t call you my boyfriend? I just – that’s so—” he screwed his face up.

“I know,” Phil reassured, feeling the familiar twisting of his insides at the word. Dan wasn’t his boyfriend. Dan was everything but his boyfriend – something sweeter, something warmer. Something safer and better.

“I’m going to find something to call you, though,” Dan said determinedly, “Because I need a way to tell the rest of the world to keep their hands off.”

Phil snorted. “Don’t worry, you’ve done that well enough on Twitter.”

“Not well enough to some of the people in there,” Dan muttered darkly, and wrapped a hand around Phil’s waist again. He leaned in close, resting his head on Phil’s shoulder. “You’re definitely spoken for, Phil Lester.”

Phil didn’t bother biting back his smile this time. He just let it grow, spreading across his face, and leaned his head against Dan’s.

[thedefinitionofbts]

Our First and Last (Ch. 2)

Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch. 5 | Ch. 6 |  Ch. 7 | Ch. 8 | Ch. 9 | Ch. 10 | 

Ch. 11 | Ch. 12 (Final)

Pairings: Jeon Jungkook x Reader (MAIN) | Park Jimin x Kim Taehyung | Jung Hoseok x Min Yoongi | Kim Namjoon x Kim Seokjin

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Soulmate Au, Scifi

Words: 4.5K

The second time you saw Jungkook was on the morning of your eleventh birthday.

Your parents had been in shock when you begged them to forget about throwing you a birthday party because you just wanted to spend a day at the park alone. They even questioned if you were feeling sick, in which you vigorously shook your head and told them you were actually feeling better than ever.

It was the honest truth, or at least part of it.

As much as you wanted to at the time, you didn’t tell anyone about the life-changing event that happened on your tenth birthday last year. No one you knew in the Yin Dimension would even believe you anyways. Being able to come in contact with anything, let alone anyone, from the Yang dimension was blasphemous, and you were not planning on becoming a laughing stalk or have your parents worry about your mental well being at such a young age.

Besides, keeping such a secret just made you feel giddy and excited on the inside, and you figured it was probably the way some kids feel when they had an imaginary friend that only they could see.

You tentatively walk up to the spot in the secluded area of the park where you last saw Jungkook exactly one year ago. The breeze was a little chilly and the morning dew drops in the grass made the ground glisten under the sunlight.

You patiently wait as you snack on the chocolate chip cookies your mom had baked the night before. As the minutes tick by, you start to get an unsettling feeling in your stomach. You didn’t want to think about it, but the worry in the back of your mind was always there, no matter how hard you tried to burry it. You never wanted to admit it, but sometimes you would inevitably question whether Jungkook was even real and whether that day had even happened. A year feels a lot longer the younger you are because it takes up a greater portion of your life, and fuzzy memories start to decay a lot quicker.

The sun was high in the sky now, signaling the pending arrival of midday. You feel the presence of its warmth, more than usual, a heat that normally doesn’t quite make it to the Yin dimension.

And that’s when you knew.

“Y/N!” You hear a gentle, husky but familiar voice call from behind you.

You turn to see the man materializing in front of your eyes, and before you could say anything you jump into his strong arms. He picks you up and wraps you in his warm embrace. The fresh scent of honey and flowers lingers on his shirt, and the doubt that was consuming you moments ago completely washes away.

“How long will you be here?” You ask as Jungkook pushes you on a swing. You vaguely recall his short visit last year and had desperately been praying that he would stay a bit longer this time around.

“I actually don’t know. I can only feel it when it’s the last day, and as far as I’m concerned, the number of days is pretty random.” You hear Jungkook’s voice from behind you, he sounds relaxed but there’s a bit of hesitation tangled in his words.

You jump off the swing and walk back to him. His attire was slightly more casual this year, wearing a dark turtleneck sweater and jeans. His hands are now in his jean pockets and he’s fiddling with the gravel beneath his feet.

“Can you tell me what I’m like when I’m older?” You ask curiously, tilting your head and looking up at the twenty-nine year old, tall and perfectly toned male. Realizing that he’s met the twelve year old you all the way up to the thirty year old you because of the way your timelines run.

“Well, I can’t tell you too much because that could potentially cause a tear in the fabric of time and once those threads realign, the events could get all jumbled.” He explains with a nod, proud that he was able to somewhat simplify it for you.

You look at him confused, mouth slightly open and eyebrow raised. Everything he was saying just sounded like gibberish, and you didn’t know how to respond or begin asking the next question.

Jungkook laughs remembering that you were still only eleven and most likely haven’t been exposed to theoretical physics yet.

“Basically a paradox” He tries again and breaths a sigh of relief as you nod in superficial understanding.

As the years go by, your longing for Jungkook only grew stronger. Up until you were seventeen, you had never felt self-conscious when you were with him, but now the butterflies swirling in your stomach were really no joke.

He was twenty-three, and undoubtedly hot as hell, and that’s not an attempt to describe his temperature. He was always handsome, with chiseled features, a tall nose, plump lips, and that pair of dark chocolate doe eyes that you’ve known since the first day you saw him. In all honesty, his appearance hasn’t really changed all that much from the first time you met him seven years ago, but it was your attraction to him that did.

Up until then, he had always been a brotherly figure, a best friend of sorts that came to visit you every year around your birthday. Giving you comfort, consolation, trust and support throughout those hectic and awkward pre-teen transition years, where the rebel inside of you would peak out of its shell every so often. It’s not that you wanted to scream at your mom for poking her nose into your life, but you had let your anger get the better of you two years ago.

“Hey, we all have to go through that phase” You remember Jungkook saying to the fifteen year old you back then. He had gently rubbed his thumb in circles on the back of your hand as he continued to calm you down with wise words and reassuring gestures. The familiar warmth you had come to know, enveloping your body the same way it always did whenever he was near. He always knew exactly what to say and do to make you feel better, like the first drop of cool rain after centuries of drought or the welcoming warmth of a cozy fireplace during a snowy blizzard.

“So what do you feel like doing today?” the twenty-three year old Jungkook asks when he notices you had fallen silent, getting lost in your thoughts again. He was wearing an oversized sweatshirt paired with distressed blue jeans, and even though his outfit was probably as casual as it can get, you found it hard to look at him for too long without getting overwhelmed by his attractiveness.

Yes, it was normal for girls your age to be attracted to the opposite sex, but so far no one in the Yin dimension had even come close to making you feel the way Jungkook did. There were a lot of guys at school and several that showed interest in you, but you always managed to find something you disliked about each and every one of them. They were always either too full of themselves, too lazy, emotionally immature, socially awkward, physically unattractive, or simply just “not your style”.

“Ummm, how about we go to an art museum?” You suggest, but immediately regret the words you just let out of your mouth due to the stew of nerves bubbling up inside you. Art Museum? Who thinks of going to a boring place like that? You mentally scold yourself for your stupid idea, and the feeling of regret for wasting the limited amount of time you have with Jungkook before he inevitably has to leave again washes over you.

“Uh, yeah ok” Jungkook says, scratching the back of his head and giving you a cheerful smile, completely unaware of the emotional struggle you were dealing with in your head. His skin was glowing warmer than you remembered, probably because he was in the midst of his prime. You had read about the Yin and Yang essences peaking at around age twenty, and seeing it with your own eyes made the fact seem even more tangible, but it also meant your own Yin essence was gaining in strength too, which made you even more self conscious about your ghostly cool toned skin.

But it’s too late to change your mind now, so you just go along with it.

“I think there’s a really famous one a couple blocks away.” You say while looking around at the tall buildings of the city. It was a modern looking metropolis, but there were some buildings obviously inspired by ancient architecture. You remembered your mom telling one of her friends who came to visit the city that the museum is a must see, so you were praying to god that Jungkook will find it interesting as well.

It was a cloudy day, and the weather forecast predicted a thunderstorm would sweep across the area, so perhaps the museum wasn’t such a bad idea after all. The museum wasn’t hard to find, since it’s located on top of a hill, which, according to the internet, was the city’s highest point with an elevation of 300 meters.

When the two of you reach the top of the marbled steps of the museum entrance, large ivory pillars surround you. You tentatively walk up to pull open the heavy wooden doors, but find that to be a struggle in and of itself. Jungkook walks up behind you and gives you some much needed help.

“After you” He says as he holds the door open in the most gentlemanly way. You feel a bit of heat rising in your cheeks and hope the flush of color isn’t too obvious against your ghostly pale skin.

“So I’ve noticed that everything in this dimension is almost like a mirror image of the things in the Yang dimension, except with some slight alterations, the obvious one being it’s significantly less warm toned.” He says, as he examines the painting more closely. His eyebrows were furrowed, and he really looked like he was deeply engrossed in the swirl of colorful objects.

You take some time to absorb his words and the information he just revealed to you. You were always cautious when the topic of the Yang dimension or your future came up, because you knew Jungkook had to be careful when it came to the fabric of space-time.

“What do you think the artist is trying to convey to the audience?” You ask, putting the main focus back on the painting itself. You hesitantly peak at the smooth curves of his side profile before quickly whipping your head back towards the painting.

“This painting screams the aftermath of falling into temptations” Jungkook says after a moment of thought. “I think it goes along with the main theme of this entire museum.” He turns around and points at the statue of an angel with black wings that you’ve felt drawn to since walking in. You hadn’t pointed it out right away because you wanted to seem mature, so you refrained from immediately bursting out with curiosity upon seeing the statue.

“Is it just me, or is it hard to take your eyes off of that thing once you look at it?” You ask as you stare at the angel with no face and a pair of wings made up of raven black feathers.

You faintly hear Jungkook chuckle. “Well, that just means the artist did a good job. It’s supposed to be extremely alluring, much like temptations in life.”

You peel your eyes off of the mysterious statue and look at Jungkook. Not nearly as alluring as you. You think to yourself as your eyes gloss over his smooth skin and delicate but manly features. You feel a familiar flush rise up to your cheeks again and quickly turn away before Jungkook makes eye contact with you.

Even though you can’t see his face, you can tell he’s smiling and probably thinking about things you can’t even begin to wrap you head around. There was so much you wanted to ask him, but you didn’t want to burden him with questions he shouldn’t answer.

Suddenly a loud burst of thunder crackles from outside, startling you so much that your first instinct was to grab a hold of Jungkook’s arm. Then you hear the rain pellets hit the glass window, at first slowly like the ticking of a clock, but soon gathering frequency and drowning out all other noise.

“Oh, sorry” You nervously apologize as you let go of Jungkook’s arm, feeling the heat leave the surface of your palm and fingertips.

Jungkook just smiles and reaches over to tuck a piece of stray hair behind your ear. Then he slowly lowers his arm and gently intertwines his fingers with yours. You feel the coziness of your hand fitting perfectly with his, and it was almost like time stopped for a brief moment.

“If I remember correctly, there’s a coffee shop with a killer view up here” He says, as he leads you up the marble staircase to the top floor of the museum.

When you finally reach said coffee shop, Jungkook goes up to the counter to order two overflowing mugs of hot chocolate topped with fluffy white marshmallows. You guys find the shop to be empty since everyone was probably sitting at home avoiding the storm.

“Would you like to sit on the balcony?” Jungkook asks when he walks back to you.

You nod eagerly, seeing that the balcony had a retractable roof so the rain wouldn’t get the nice, expensive looking seating area wet.

Sitting across from Jungkook, you were able to get the clearest most detailed view of his facial features. You noticed the way his eyes disappears and his face scrunched up whenever he laughed too hard, and when his bunny-like teeth would peak out between his soft plump lips, giving him a youthful look that could only be described as utterly adorable. You wanted to memorize it all, to somehow solidify this hard to describe feeling, etch it in your brain so it could never fly away.

You chatted until the rain stopped and both of you had swallowed the last drop of the warm sweet hot chocolate. The sun was beginning to peak through the clouds, and the panoramic view of the city was coming back into view. It was then you could tell it was almost dusk, which meant you and Jungkook had already spent the whole day together. The sky was painted with lavender and baby blue hues; the fresh breeze left the lingering scent of spring in the air.

“They’re actually really nice,” You blurt out before you could stop yourself.

“How would you know, you weirdo” You hear a kid shout from the back of the classroom.

You clearly remember the day you were thirteen, sitting in middle school physics, when your science teacher was teaching the chapter on the Yang dimension. She was going off about how different the people are, and how we could never get used to such a warm, heated world in our current bodies. Some students were commenting on how people from the Yang dimension are probably monsters, not even understanding the ways of the cycle. You were so annoyed by their childish jokes that you couldn’t stop yourself from voicing your frustrations in the middle of class.

“Minseok, we don’t call other students those kind of names” The teacher, Ms. Lee, had scolded the boy at the time.

But the accumulation of comments like that over the years made you conscious of your own personality. You really didn’t have that many friends in middle school, and was deemed a loner by all the popular students. You were introverted and found social interaction to be mentally and physically exhausting at times. There are people who crave company, but you weren’t one of those people. You definitely preferred being alone, the times you could get lost in your own thoughts was what appealed to you.

What if he thinks I’m weird and doesn’t want to come see me anymore?

A wave of panic would always hit you whenever the thought of Jungkook abandoning you crept up your spine. He was your only true friend, the only person that did not drain any energy from you but instead refueled your desire to truly live like how passionate dreams would spark world-changing inventions.

The thought of him not showing up at your usual yearly meeting spot terrified you more than anything. And you had long started to question if it was dangerous to get so attached to something so out of your own control.

It was your eighteenth birthday and you found yourself, yet again, standing in the same spot in the middle of the park. The grassy flower field that held mixed feelings derived from the miraculous collision of universes that maybe weren’t meant to collide, the place that tasted of hopeful beginnings and bittersweet endings. You close your eyes and listen for his voice.

“Hey”

You finally hear the familiar, soothing sound that was music to your ears.

Opening your eyes, you see the young man standing in front of you in an oversized white t-shirt and blue jeans. He’s smiling at you, eyes sparkling under the sunlight and brown hair ruffling in the breeze.

“Hey” You say back, shyly walking up to him, that familiar feeling of nerves firing up in your system yet again.

“How was your…ugh…how was your year?” You ask, noticing that he looks leaner and slightly tanner than the previous year.

Jungkook laughs a little. “It was surprisingly boring,” He says with a grin. “But yeah, I’m back in college, so no more work I guess” He scratches the back of his head, a habit you’ve noticed he has.

“Aging backwards seems so weird” You comment, finally realizing that you’re entering college soon and Jungkook’s going “back” into college. The concept of losing knowledge that you used to have seems mind-blowing.

“Aging forward doesn’t seem all that normal either” He jokes. “I mean, think about it. How hard would life be, not knowing the future? Like how do you guys even choose majors and careers if you don’t know what kind of life you’ll enjoy living?”

You think about what Jungkook says, and realize, surprisingly, he has a point.

“I guess it just depends on how you look at it,” You finally say, making Jungkook laugh and ruffle your hair. You had gotten taller over the years, but you were still tiny compared to the fully matured Jungkook. He was reaching his prime and even perfection could not describe how mesmerizing his physical appearance was.

“You want to go to the lake?” Jungkook suggests. He looks around and takes in a long breath of fresh air; you seize the opportunity to trace his sharp jawline with your eyes. Damn, sharp enough to cut cheese. His presence never failed to captivate you in the most breathtaking and awestruck way; provoking emotions you didn’t even know you had.

You nod, excited to go to the lake your city was famous for. The natural wonder attracted tourists from all over the world every year, and today was the perfect sunny spring day to go.

The lake was an incredibly gorgeous site to see. It’s water clear and blue with a mirror-like surface that glistened under the sun’s bright beams. The flowers were starting to bloom, their white petals creating a stark contrast with the background of blue-green grass. The weeping willow trees arched over the edge of the water, gently sweeping it’s calm smooth surface.

Walking on the sidewalk that curved along the lake’s outline was so relaxing, you could hear some birds chirping in the bushes and some people chatting in the distance, time was almost slowing to a stand still.

The two of you walk side by side, in the most comfortable type of silence. Jungkook’s body was so close to yours you could feel his warmth spread over to your own body. Then his hand slightly brushes over yours, and you wonder if you should make the first move and grab a hold of it because the urge was definitely there. After a moment of inner debate, you sum up the courage to reach for his hand. His soft smooth skin soon comes in contact with yours, and the moment your hands are interlocked, you feel him squeeze your hand tightly, signally that he’s been wanting the same contact. You can’t help the smile that’s spreading over your entire face, and you notice the slight upward curve of Jungkook’s lips as well.

“Hey, let’s ride one of those pedal boats” You suddenly suggests when you see the couples sitting in them side by side and having a blast figuring out how to maneuver through the water.

“Sounds great!” Jungkook chirps, expressing pure joy.

His bunny smile was coming out again as the two of you try to balance and get on the boat. It was wobbly at first, but the two of you soon get settled in comfortable positions.

Getting into the pedaling rhythm was quite the struggle though. Jungkook was much stronger than you, so the boat kept curving in one direction. Laughter fills the air as the boat swerves in awkward circles, but the silliness of it all doesn’t even bother you.

“Jungkook, take it down a notch” You had to continuously remind him to pedal slower because he would often lose track of how hard he was pedaling as he pointed out the various plants and the beautiful scenery around the lake.

“Oh, sorry” He would apologize, and then laugh when he saw the playful pout that showed up on your face.

“You workout a lot don’t you?” You ask, despite knowing the answer was obvious, but you wanted to know just how he managed to get so toned and lean.

“Yeah, I go to the gym sometimes, but I spend more time in the dance studio” He replies, making eye contact as he focuses his attention back on you and away from the scenery.

“Whoa, you dance?” You ask, surprised because the idea of Jungkook being a dancer had never crossed your mind.

“Yup, I like the feeling of expressing emotional urges with my body” He clears his throat as you cough a little, almost choking on your own saliva at his comment. “As you can see, I’m not exactly eloquent.” He laughs and you join him.

“Yes, I can see that now” You say in between spouts of laughter.

The hours tick by and soon the sun is setting behind the mountains again. It wasn’t until the two of you were getting off the boat that you noticed Jungkook was still holding your hand. He never let go. It felt so natural that you weren’t even aware of it until you looked down. Jungkook notices you looking at your still interlocked hands and quickly lets go, while clearing his throat nervously again.

You hear him mumble a quite “sorry” and you can see the burning flush in his cheeks. You attempt to suppress a giggle at his cute reaction.

A couple of days later, Jungkook tells you it’s almost time for him to leave again. He takes a deep breath as he promises you he’ll be back, and you could see the gentle rise and fall of his chest paired with the sincerity in his eyes, knowing these goodbyes have become one of the hardest things for you because of his visits. You should be used to it by now, because he’s never able to stay long, but it’s always hard to accept the fact that the next time the portal opens will be a year from now.

There’s only hours left, and time relentlessly ticks by as the two of you relax under the large branches of the park’s oak tree. You lean back on Jungkook’s chest and watch the wind pick up speed, as the sound of ruffling leaves fill the air.

“Jungkook?”

“Hmm?”

“Do I eventually have to start going through the portal…or…”

“There’s a scientist who researches dimensional universes that you’ll have to visit soon. He’ll tell you everything you need to know.”

You sit up and look at Jungkook.

“You’ve met him already?”

He nods, lost in his thoughts again.

Normally it would frustrate you when someone tried to be mysterious and hinder your thirst for knowledge, but you wholeheartedly trusted Jungkook, putting more faith in him than anyone you’ve ever known because you knew he had his reasons.

It was not long before Jungkook stands up, signaling that it's time. He helps you up off the ground, and hesitates as he looks at you and back at the ground, biting his lower lip, seemingly nervous for some reason. He then takes a cautious step closer to you, so close that your bodies were almost touching, and tentatively wraps you in a warm embrace.

“I’ll miss you,” He whispers in your ear, as you breath in the wonderful scent of his cologne mixed with the natural fragrance of his body.

You can feel your heartbeat pulsing up to your neck, but the warmth of Jungkook feels so comforting the the world around you just sort of dissolves. You tightly hug him back and the two of you stay in that position for as long as the ticking clock allows for.

When Jungkook finally releases you, you quickly wipe away a tear that has slid down your cheek. There was still so much you didn’t understand, but none of it mattered because the only thing you truly wanted was to be with him.

His charming doe eyes, deep enough to hold several universes, never lose contact with yours, even as the image of him standing in the open grass field surrounded by lavender wild flowers gradually begins to fade. You wave goodbye, feeling that familiar sense of longing saturate your heart once again as you watch him disappear into thin air.

Another year to go before you meet again, but even when he was gone there wasn’t a single second you didn’t think about him.

Jungkook, the name that would float around on top of the fluffy clouds during the day and amongst the shiny stars at night

Jungkook, the boy whose doe eyes you saw every time you closed your own

Jungkook, the indescribably feeling that no book, song, or movie in the Yin Dimension could even come close to conveying

Jeon Jungkook--- the missing piece to your puzzle

…