#which is so fucking tiresome like! even though they are values that I share!

[kingcriccket]

Final thoughts on iron widow are that it is very fun to watch someone break stuff for a couple hundred pages but that it was pretty overhyped as anything beyond that. If it wasn't marketed as this groundbreaking feminist ThingTM I would have liked it more I think bcos politically it's a bit incoherent besides being very firm that girl power Is Good and sacrificing girls to be car batteries for mechs is Bad. Boo the patriarchy. Did Wu Zetian effectively utilize girl power when she slaughtered innocent people in her big dragon suit? etc

[huearmy]

Clumsy

This is Soulmate Series. I’ll be doing one for each member.

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Summary: Of all the possible ways in which your connection with your soulmate could’ve manifests, such as birthmarks or dreams, you and your person share physical pain. It would be enough for the two of you to want to get to know each other soon, the problem is that you are the most clumsy person Hoseok doesn't know yet, and all he wants is to find you and protect you from the world.

Pairing: Soulmate!au Hoseok x Reader.

Genre: Fluff, ANGST

Words:  5781

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: I dont really know if this is a warning or not but the is description of pain and injury, some of them are kind of... bad. Sorry.

Hoseok have a really clumsy soulmate. It had been two years since he started feeling your pain as if it is his.

He didn't found you yet, and the suffering of feeling under his skin your auto destructive nature increase his frustration.

You cut your fingers a lot, sometimes with paper others with knives while cooking, or with scissors doing some manual work - he can say the difference by now. You sprained your right ankle twice in eight months, and definitely have a cat that scratch you once in awhile. It's amazing how you get to know a person just because of the way they get hurt on a daily basis Hoseok can handle with your constant banging on furniture and doors, new bruises on hips, knees, elbows, and ankles almost every day. What he can't handle is when you do waxing. Like, don't you know that he will feel it too? Or don't you care? Can't you just shave for his sake? That fucking pain in his legs, under his arms and groin hurts to death. He never know when it is about do come, because apparently you are a person with a flexible routine and do these things when you have free time, he assumes, so sometimes he is having a normal conversation and suddenly he screams - and not the type of Hoeeok's screams that everyone is used to. Are screams of terrible pain and despair, that fill his eyes with painful tears.

Not to mention his horrible period cramps - Hoseok prefers not to think about it.

But he knows that you might suffer because of him sometimes too. For example when anxiety takes over him and his stomach aches and he can't breathe and his chest burns... besides the pain you must feel sad too. Or when he's tired from dancing,  arms and legs too sore to move, you wouldn't be able to walk neither.

Even if sometimes it looks horrible not knowing you, feeling pain instead, he would always picture your face in bed time. He would stare the ceiling and fantasy with the color of your eyes and the sound of your voice, each time building a different face that can't satisfied him. Just you in reality will be enough.

Hoseok has always been a romantic person, who likes to be in a relationship, to walk hand in hand in cute dates, and have someone to call his own. Since the first time he felt you hitting a little toe on the corner of a piece of furniture, though, he was never able to take an interest in anyone again. No girl, however incredible and beautiful, was enough to fill the void in him. Feeling you being stupidly clumsy started to be more exciting than flirting with someone he was actually seeing in front of him. He missed you so much without even knowing you.

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"Hyung, you want go eat with us?" Jimin's head apers in the door ajar, bringing Hoseok from his wondering.

"Sure" Hoseok smiled back, dead hungry, already standing from his desk. "Let's eat! Let's eat!" He sang with sound effects. "Oh" Before he could reach his friend he stumbled on nothing, a sharp pain in his big toe making presence.

"What was that, hyung?" Jimin laughed.

Looking confused to the floor, Hoseok giggled.

"She must be in a hurry." He stated, feeling that he is right.

"Oh." Jimin said surprised, although he's already used to Hoseok talking about you like that.. "You already know her this well?"

Hoseok laughed.

"Kind of. She is always tripping around..."

Hoseok let out a sigh. He needs to find you and protect you from the world, because apparently you can't to do it by yourself, and even if he doesn't know your face yet, or your voice... He loves you. And you are so damn clumsy! Every time you trip, beats your head into something or get sick he have a heart attack. Hobi just want to take care of you... He loves you.

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You are a really clumsy girl. Sometimes you just don't know how you still alive, or with all limbs in place. Like, when you were six you got the prowess of knocking over a bookshelf on top of yourself, and luckily only lost a milk tooth. When you were nine you fell three flights of stairs because you was looking at a plane trough the window, resulting in a whole week in hospital, during holidays. Seventeen was your age when you give up of collective sports, after breaking a girl's nose in a volleyball match by accident - and she was your team mate. You never learned how to drive for the world's sake and most of the time you order take out instead cooking.

You hate yourself for being so clumsy. You always did. Because is awkward and tiresome... And you are so ashamed sometimes, like when you dropped ice cream on your high school crush. But now you are also guilty. Two years ago when you first felt your soulmate pain - a slap in the butt, and for some reason it always happens - you knew he would suffer because of you. You swear that you try to be careful, but it's not enough. So you feel guilty. You feel you don't deserve your soulmate.

You need to find him. Find him to protect him from yourself. Ironically.

The day you both finally met the pain will go away.

"Y/N honey, can you help me here?" Your coworker, called you from the other room. You put the wedding rings in place to the great moment and calmly walked to her, confident in yours, not so high, high heels.

"Yes?"

Next to the window, the bride was having her make up and hair done in her white robe, and you couldn't help but get jealous. It happens in all your jobs with weddings, because all that beautiful brides found their soulmates...

Your coworker pull you to the corner, clearly annoyed.

"We have a problem." She said. This sentence can mean anything, so an alert light out in your mind.

"And it is?" You asked in concern.

"The groom's mother is allergic to roses."

Your eyes widened.

"The whole decoration is made of roses. We need to change for another flower. Right?" You said, already reaching for you phone.

"Wrong. The bride want roses. Even though her mother-in-law is having an anaphylactic attack at the moment for snooping around the church decoration she doesn't want to change. The luck is that it didn't happen during the ceremony and there is still time to fix it."

Your brain worked hard during a second - aside from the questionable selfish stance of the bride who probably already knew about such an allergy - working so many years with organizing events you already got a little used to it.

Remembering something promising you opened your instagram, looking for a florist you’ve worked with a few times.

"I know where to get really realistic artificial roses, and I can bargain a really good price if I go in person."

Your coworker smiled in adoration.

"Go get then, honey."

You demanded someone to continue your previous task over the radio, while texting the said florist with one hand. You are a clumsy girl who choose a job in which it is necessary to divide your attention between several tasks at the same time and still make everything perfect, without breaking anything and still having the chance of the client to change his mind at the last moment for you to have to solve it. And actually you are pretty good at it. Just to be sure you passed as far as possible from the ice sculpture being made in the lobby, asking for an uber and walking at the same time could be dangerous when around fragile things.

Your plan was to get enough money to open your own event company, and you're almost there, maybe in a year you could be putting the plan into action. You would love to find your soulmate already being successful like that, maybe it will help him or her not to find you so clumsy. Still, you would like more than anything to meet your soulmate soon, not in a year or more.

Every day when you left your house to work you daydream with you bumpim with a beautiful person on the busy sidewalk, or at the door of a café, probably spilling hot coffee on them, or finding them at one of the weddings you organize, being the cousin of the groom or something like that. Your relationship would begin with appologies, but it would be funny, and the future you both will have together would be bright, cute, with lots of hand in hand cute dates, and unexpected trips to the emergency room. Every time you see a bride's happy and fulfilled smile you think about it, not that you want to get married specifically, but finding your person is almost a necessity after two years of knowing that they are somewhere in the world waiting for you too.

You sat carefully in the back seat of the uber, so as not to hit your head, already counting in your budget from what you could get the money to pay the extra cost of fake flowers and programming your bargain in your head for a good value. But as much as your professional mode was turned on, you were having trouble focusing, a strange feeling in your stomach bringing you anxiety.

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At the restaurant  with the boys, filling his belly with delicious food and well-deserved doses of alcohol -  on a day off is ok to drinking early, and Taehyung is driving, not him - he still too thoughtful to fully have fun. He still thinking hard about you.

You didn't hurt yourself during the last two hours to remember him of your existence, but he just didn't forget not for a second. He even started to overthink about thinking about you so much, which isn't exactly normal, anxiety making him tense. The laughter of friends around him and the good food failing to take away from him the feeling that something was wrong. He wished he could pick his phone and call you to be sure you are ok. On the other hand, if something bad was happening to you, he would know in his own skin, so why stress so much?

All he wanted was to go home and sleep - after it took so long to arrive at the restaurant, stopping at several places before to shop and pay bills, it took most of the afternoon.

"Ah! It wasn't so! You are being mean to me, hyung..."  Jimin was whining about something Yoongi had said, making all of them laugh.

But Hoseok was still not having it. He got up from the table murmuring a 'I'm going to the bathroom', without waiting for an answer, or that they would notice at all. In the rest roo, he washed his face and made some funny faces to te mirror to relax himself.

"OK!" He excitedly said to himself, ready to get out of the bathroom and bright the world.  Hoseok almost had a heart attack as soon as he closed the bathroom door behind him, with a loud noise of a metal tray falling on the floor and glass breaking. A few meters from him, in the middle of the mess, was one of the waitresses, on her knees. Without hesitating, he stepped forward to help her. He helped her to get on her feet, searching everywhere visible if she got hurt. "Are you ok?"

"Yes sir, thanks. I'm just a little clumsy." The waitrees awkwardly smiled.

From the table, his friends watched the scene with interest, wich one of them knowing what bond of pain you two have and how awkward you seem to be, imagining that suddenly Hoseok could have finally found you, hoping that was you. But Hoseok already knew it wasn't you, the cuts on the waitress's knees didn't hurt him, he was just being polite to help, hoping that when you get hurt, you'll have someone to help you too.

Another waiter came to help, and he can go back to the table, going straight to the plate of food he had left unfinished, now feeling like eating. His six friends were staring at him in expectation. Hoseok swallowed his food and laughed flatly.

"It wasn't her." He said.

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You got that damn fake flowers in time to redecorate the whole wedding hall in time, and with a fair price. That kind of thing certainly raises your self-esteem, because damn, you are an incredible talented professional. On the way back from the florist, you had to go to the office to resolve some more bureaucratic issues, which delayed you to return to the wedding as a staff. But you can put on some makeup and perfume while you run to your uber, rigth? Yeah, just take of your shoes, and run barefoot to avoid twisting your ankle, and try not to run over anyone on the way. You almost entered the wrong car in your rush. Almost.

You texted your coworker telling her you would be there in twenty and made eye contact with the driver.

"I'll pay double if you go really fast." You said, putting on the seat belt.

The driver raised an eyebrow to you.

"Are you this late?"

"I need to attend a wedding on time." You smiled with you best puppy eyes.

He started the engine.

"Yes ma'am".

________________________________________________________________

They were already arriving home, Hoseok's mood a lot better, a little bit tipsy too. He was messing up with Jungkook and Yoongi while waiting for the elevator, the other boys stayed behind in the parking lot picking up the useless shopping bags of the day.  He was ok in changing his plan of get to bed early to more soju and beer on a karaoke night - nothing better than drunkly scream songs at the top of your lungs to a machine that gives you points for it to liven up a day that was strange.

Their dorm was a mess in less than ten minutes, smell of cheese snacks and fried chicken in the air, loud and exaggerated laughter, play order defined with rock paper and scissors. The youngers were struggling to set up the karaoke, Jin and Namjoon were giggling in they spot in the couch choosing the song for one another - expect loud screaming notes.. Hoseok went to the kitchen to put the beer on ice, but I couldn't find the cooler anywere.

He was looking in the pantry when Yoongi came after him.

"Need help?"

"I'm just not finding the cooler."

"Hmm." Yoongi leaned against the doorframe " Are you feeling better?"

"What?" Hoseok let a embarrassed laugh out.

"Stop. We all notice when you are not ok." Yoongi were serious "What happened?

Hoseok sighed.

"I felt weird the whole day. And the thing with the waintress got to me... I was anxious, but I'm ok now." He smiled "I know theres a rigth time to find my person, and I can't do much to speed this up."

Yoongi got silent for a moment.

"Aren't you afraid to find them? Not even a bit?" He asked without looking Hoseok in the eyes.

"No" Hoseok said without hesitation.

He knows Yoongi personal crisis about finding his own soulmate, how it scares and get to the insecurities of his hyung. But he don't feel this way. He already loves you too much to be afraid. Hoseok assurance didn't surprised Yoongi one bit, it actually made him smile.

"So I think a shortcut for you is to look in emergency rooms out there, at some point you’ll find them." He said.

"Oh hyung... I already thought about it, but it’s nothing romantic." Hoseok whinned reaching the cooler on the bottom shelf.

At the end Jimin chose a song for Jin and namjoon to sing together, a children's song that the two sang as if they were vocalists in a punk rock band. Teahyung slipped and fell on his butt dancing with them. Then Yoongi sang a party song like it was the most emocional and heart touching thing ever. Jungkook performed a really emocional song in a really emocional way, making most of them drunk crying. The beer was gone. Jimin and Taehyung practically serenade each other and got the lowest note of the night. When Hoseok's turn came Jin skipped the line and did a duet with him too, damn they’re lucky that the apartment is soundproofed, because the neighbors wouldn’t stand the screams.  About an hour singing the soju and the chicken were also running out, the maknae was sleeping in a corner of the sofa as if the noise did not exist, and some were already too dizzy to be jumping and dancing in the middle of the room. Hoseok was not one of those, even when it was not his turn, it was as if he suddenly had a lot of energy accumulated in his body - which can be considered strange as he is usualy a quiet drunk.

They were debating out loud what song to choose next, Hoseok with one of the microphones in his hand and a wide smile on his face when

it happened

.

For the boys who saw it from the outside, they couldn't understand what was happening. Hoseok's face contorted in pain and he fell to the floor abruptly. And there he stayed.

Inside he was in agony. In an instant he was fine and having fun, in the next everything hurt and it was impossible to breathe. His head was throbbing, as if he had been hit hard on the left side, making the world go round. His left shoulder also hurt so much that he couldn't even move his fingers - almost the same if it was broken. The skin, especially on the face, stinged like dozens of small cuts. But the worst was the burning chest, as if his lungs did not have the strength to draw air, the feeling was that he was drowning. It was like he was dying.

Jin and Yoongi were by his side in one moment, putting putting him on his back, not knowing what to do besides. They were panicked seeing their friend crying in pain on the floor when there was apparently nothing wrong with him.

"Hoseok-ah whats happening? Can you talk?" Yoongi tried with no response.

"We need to take him to the hospital." Namjoon stated.

"I'll take the car." Jin decided. "Can you guys pick him up?"

"Hyung, you are too drunk to drive." Jungkook, who woke up with the commotion, said with scared and worried eyes.

"What do you think we can do then?" Jin did not intend to shout, but he had no control over the situation.

Taehyung putted a hand on Jin shoulder. "Jimin is calling the emergency."

Infact Jimin was on his phone at the corridor, his choked voice asking for medical help.

The discussion of what to do or not, the boys obeying the emergency attendant's recommendations over the phone, the despair of the other members, the karaoke song selection menu still playing in the background ... Hoseok was not processing any of this. He just had a terrible thought. A realization that made him cry more than the physical pain he was feeling.

That was your pain. You were the one dying. He was losing you.

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Taehyung was the most sober of the group, so when the paramedics arrived, he was the one accompaning Hoseok in the ambulance -  the others called their manangers and waited to go to the hospital in aother way. He answered questions about what they drank and ate and about his hyung's medical history while the paramedic examined him in the tight space. Although he was unable to breathe or move properly, there were no physical signs of the pain he was feeling, and the information given by the youngest boy also did not help, because in fact there was nothing wrong with Hoseok's body, he he was unharmed and healthy.  

With the only sight being the ambulance's monochromatic roof and unable to breathe enough to speak, Hoseok just cried. He wanted to get up and run to find you, to save you ... even if he has no idea where you are, even without destiny he wanted to move, do something. The panic and anxiety playing with his head, making him think of a thousand possibilities of what could've happened to you. So much pain he has felt in the last two years connected to you, but nothing has been so scary. What if someone hurt you? If he had already found you, would he have been able to protect you? ... What if he never found you? Hoseok found himself hoping the pain would not go away, afraid that if the pain disappeared he would know that you are gone.

Hoseok were too devastated to hear Tae explaining about the soulmate bond of pain between you, nor the paramedic saying that then all he could do to help was a dose of morphine. He panicked even more when the medicine, injected into his bloodstream, started to take effect and his body started to go numb until he fell asleep.

Upon arrival at the hospital, a manager was already there to assist Teahyung and not leave him alone. Hoseok was referred for observation, as a 'soulmate case'. There wasn't much to do with him, so knowing the reason why he was admitted to the hospital, the nurses in the ward where Hoseok stayed decided to keep an eye on any patient with symptoms that matched his, just in case.

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It wasn't even high-speed fault or anything. In fact, when you asked the uber driver to help you get to the wedding faster, he decided to take less busy routes, without breaking any traffic laws, just taking shortcuts. And everything was going well, you would get there in time ... Until you came across a drunk driver who advanced the signal and hit the side of your car, rigth in your door. While the uber driver only had a wrist dislocation and the drunk guy had no more than a few scratches, it was a different story with you. Of course it was, otherwise it wouldn't be you.

A broken collarbone and left arm, a concussion with possible complications, and what was more frightening and you thought it was going to kill you, a broken rib piercing your left lung that filled it with fluid preventing you from breathing. You were sure you were going to die and everything you could think as you watched the firefighters taking you out of the hardware with a blurry view was '

damn my person must be freaking out now.'.

You didn't see it when you arrived at the hospital, since you were convulsing, but if you were awake you might have seen Hoseok passing by you to the oposite direction on another stretcher while you were being taken to the operating room. You spent about six hours in surgery and when they sent you to the intensive care unit, your condition was more stable, but the doctors still haven't considered you to beout oft risk. You were breathing with the help of devices and being medicated so that the clot in your head would dissolve. Visits were not allowed at first.

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Hoseok was feeling restless in his hospital room, the intravenous access to his arm, injecting serum and pain medication, was bothering him. He was numb and it was scary. The clock in the wall was showing eight in the morning. At this hour everyday, regardless of whether he is  awake and already working or sleeping until a little later, he would know you were getting out of bed to start your day, today he has no idea how you are... Or if... No. He doesn't want to think about that possibility.

A nurse came into the private room with a breakfast tray, making the mananger sleeping in the side couch to wake.

"Good morning" She said with a smile, putting th tray on Hoseok's lap. "Sir, the hospital café is open." She smiled to the mananger too, who got up and left still sleepy.

Hoseok satared to the food in front of him with a pout, not wanting to eat. The nurse took his medical record from the edge of the bed and made some notes, observing the dosage of the serum.

"How are you feeling mr.Jung? Any pain?"

"No. I'm... ok."

The nurse just nodded and writed some more in the record.

"Theres not much more we can do to help you, so untill twelve the doctor will come to discharg you."

Hoseok wasn't feeling talktive, so he nodded in silence. The nurse gave the door a suspicious look  and when she talked againg in was almost a whisper.

"We tecnically shouldn't have done that, but the other nurses and I think we found your girl."

It took him a second to understand what she meant by those words, and then he practically jumped on the bed, suddenly feeling energized. A lot of things running on Hoseok's mind. Noticing his agitation she went on talking, now with a careful look.

"This girl checked into the hospital last night, at about the same time as you, and suffered trauma that matches the pain you described you were feeling. I can't guarantee it's her ..."

"If I see her I'll know." Hoseok said with conviction, picking the tray and putting it on the side, ready to get up and go to you.

"Oh oh oh... calm down. You can't see her now, she is on ICU, no visits."

Hoseok thought he might cry in frustration.

"Please... I need to see her."

He looked so fragile and he pouted so cutely that the nurse couldn't do much besides melt and say yes to him.

"I'll talk to the head nurse and see what to do. But you have to eat everything huh." She said going to the door.

"Ok." Hoseok happily satarted to eat, and the nurse couldn't belive in the sunshine smile she was seeing in his face.

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Is not the first time you see yourself in a hospital room, everything is quite familiar to you like the antiseptic smell, white light, and some characteristic sounds like those of machines helping you to breathe. And no, it's not just because you are always hurting yourseol in dumb ways, you had to remove your appendix when you were thirteen, for example. What matters is that when you opened your eyes you already knew where you were and why, and all you could do at the moment was to press the red button on the side of the bed to call the nurse and cry with happiness for being alive.

The confusing part of it all was "Why am I in a private room?" You asked the nurse.

It was a clearly expensive private room, that you couldn't pay, if you used your savings to start your business you would have to work two years to recover the money. And why in heaven there were so many flowers in the room??? A lot of them of various diferent times of flowers. There must have a error and you were mistaken for another patient, because you don't know anyone who would give you so many flowers, much less pay a room like this to you. And even if there are balloons tied to the edge of the bed and one of them has your name written on it, nothing could convince you that you were not exchanged with somebody.

"I don,t know miss. You were transferred here yesterday morning with the bills already paid." He said without looking away from the screen beside you.

"Paid by whom?"

The nurse didn't know how to awnser you and left right after, letting you with just the tv control and still a lot of doubts and paranoia. You cell phone was destroyed in the accident, but you wanted it so badly. With it you could try to resolve this situation. The thing was wait till visiting time, it is probably your mother who comes to see you and she will know what to do.

Well, no one told you what time it would be, but waiting would do no harm. So at lunch, as other nurse were helping you to eat - since one of your hands is full of intravenous accesses and your other arm is in a sling because of the broken cravicle - a light knock on the door drew your attention to a silhouette visible through the frosted glass. The nurse besides you looked at his wristwatch and excused hermself to her feet.

Why did she look excited?

It confused you for a second, but maybe her shift was ending and the someone at the door was there to replace her, that's what you concluded. She went out and closed the door, leaving you alone.

The door opened again and a man - without nurse's uniform - entered. The nurse pratically pushed him inside. You were sure he was there to talk about the misunderstanding of the rooms, and you already had the arguments ready to apologize and try to make the situation less strange ... when you two made contact and you were speechless. And you knew.

Hoseok was so anxious to met you, the doctor didn't let him see you up close, and even if you were all intubated and swollen, through the window of the ICU, he knew you were his person. He got you a better room, and bought you flowers - all his members did too, thats why theres were so many of them, the baloons were Teahyung's idea -, and now he thinks everything was a little overhelming, making him afraid of your potential reaction.

But you just looked at him in silence, wide and watery eyes. The truth was that you were feeling so many things and your heart was so full that you couldn't form sentenses, couldn't chose what tell him first, you onl sure that your future were standing right in front of you, ans tha you already had a crush on him.

He hesitated for a moment.

"Hi." He said.

Your lips quiver lightly, and than you started crying.

"Im sorry. I didn't mean to worry you."

Hoseok didn't know if you were talking about the acident or everything else, but he didn't want you to cry for any reason. He walked at you and got a sit in the chair besides yor bed.

"Hey don't cry. I'm happy! Happy to see you!" He made a cute silly voice and smiled and you heart melted completly. "No need to cry or feel sorry, ok?"

He wiped your tears away with the back of your hand, and you both felt like electricity pass through your bodies from where they touched. You tried to lean towards him to not lose his touch, but the new angle brought a sharp pain in your shoulder, making you hiss. He went on a lot of apologies, asking if he did something wrong and if he should call the nurse. And all you could think was that you were doing it again.

"Did it hurt you??"

The voice that left your mouth was fragile and insecure. Hoseok understood and his face softened. He intertwined his little finger with yours, as he couldn't properly hold your hand.

"The moment I saw you all the pain was gone." He said, voice deep and chaming smile.

Your pale face got a new shade of red.

"God that was so cheesy!" You whined, all embarassed, if you could you would be hidding you face in your hands.

"It's true though! Do you want me to stop with cheesy things? I didn't mean it to be cheesy..." Oh my god you made him insecure, he was so nervous to talk to you, just like a teenager.

"No. Don't stop, please... I can be really lovey dovey, and I love cheesy dates and pda, and cliche displays of affection too. I live for those stuff. I literally work with it.." You tried to fix and his wild smiled made you relax.

"Good, because I draw hearts in everything." He said.

Hoseok exchanged his place in the chair for a piece of the bed beside you. He just wanted to be as close to you as he can, even if you weren't ok yet to get all the hugs he was holding back.

"But seriously. After I saw you for the first time yesterday, I didn't feel any of your pains anymore. I think it proves that you are mine."

You really startet to cry this time, it fisically hurted because of your wonds, but it was mentally and emotionally relieving. You were so happy that you didn't die and now was with Hoseok - your person, your soulmate. For so long you wondered what kind of person he would be, you imagined yourself being scold for your clumsyness, being called selfish or inconsequential for not thinking of someone else suffering with you. Of couse it was your insecurities talking. Now seeing that Hoseok is nothing but a sweetheart, you couldn't help yourself but feel even more guilt.

"Thank god... I'm so sorry for everything I put you through. "You said between light sobs.

"Hey... don't cry that I cry too." Hoseok took your face in his hands with all the care in the world, as if you were going to break if he got it wrong. "It's not your fault. And even if it is, I don't care ok? All waxing is forgiven."

Your eyes got wild and you pout.

"Sorry. I have horrible allergies to shaving, so I thought a momentary pain would be better than one that lasted for days."

Hoseok laughed.

"See, you were caring for me. And now I will care for you."

Hoseok was biting his tongue to not say that he already loves you - because he thinks it's too soon and theres no need to be hurry. Inside your head you are exactly the same. Instead of saing anything, Hoseok juts got closer and lightly kissed your forehead. You closed your eyes and sighed deeply. None of you said 'I love you' out loud, but you both understood.

Now I will care for you.

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I’ll be working on other members parts with no rigth date to post. Let me know if you liked it, so I can prioritize that.

Thankyou ~

[sonderlivra]

Eruri Valentine’s Weekend 2k18 Collab with the lovely @autiacorart !!!

A late submission, but hopefully worth the wait! :) It was a blast working with such a talented artist! <3

Blackout Café - A Modern Eruri AU

Summary: Levi is a grumpy dork. Erwin is a sappy dork. Basically they’re both dorks. And they meet at a coffeeshop.

Warning: Swearing ahead, oops.

“Fucking shit,” Levi swears, hurrying down the street. A power cut. Who the fuck expects a power cut in this day and age?

He is still grumbling when he bursts into the coffeeshop, looking around a little wildly for the electric socket.

“Fuck,” he swears again. He had forgotten that this was one of the smaller, less pretentious coffeeshops. It was why he liked the place, but right now, he wishes he was somewhere else, anywhere else that has better aids for his dying laptop.

But there is just one table next to a socket and that happens to be occupied, and he doesn't know if he can make it to another coffeeshop in time. Fuming, he stomps over to the counter.

“I need to charge my laptop.”

“Oh we can charge it here for you sir-”

“I need to work.”

The employee pales. “Um, I'm sorry sir, but that table is the only one-”

“Yeah, I noticed,” he snaps. He considers stepping on the other side of the counter where he could work next to the socket. It sounds unappealing and embarrassing and Levi glances back at the table. The man sitting there is casually reading something, the electric socket empty.

Bastard isn't even using it.

Squaring himself, Levi approaches the table, his mouth filling up with several gruff phrases that have worked for him before. When he reaches the table, the blond man, who has his head bent down over an unmarked bound book, looks up -and Levi freezes.

Holy shit. Levi is suddenly at a loss for words. This guy is hot.

His bright blue eyes are wide with curiosity and he smiles a polite smile as he says, “Can I help you?”

“Uh, yeah,” Levi manages to rasp and gestures at the electric socket next to the table. “I need that.”

The man glances at the wall and turns back to Levi, his smile widening. “Oh, by all means. Please, have a seat.”

Levi's brain short circuits again. What he meant was to ask the man to take another table, since there were quite a few empty ones around. But no. Mr. Handsome-Lawyer-Guy had to go and assume Levi wanted to share this table. Which he didn't, whether or not this man looked like an artist's rendition of fucking Apollo.

But his laptop​ beeps another “low battery” warning and Levi decides he doesn't care either way. With a grunt of gratitude, he plugs in his charger and slips into the chair opposite the man, resolutely keeping his eyes trained on the laptop screen.

With a deep breath and a mental command to fucking get a grip of himself, Levi pulls up the chat conversation and pings his client.

Sorry for the delay, Karl. I'm back.

The exchange goes on for longer than expected, with Levi having to upload and send a few of his drafts over the coffeeshop's slow WiFi. When he finally closes the conversation and leans back with a sigh, a low voice startles him by saying, “Busy day?”

Levi opens his eyes and blinks at the blond man: there is no mistaking that it was indeed him that spoke. His astonishingly blue eyes are still widened with interest, his firm mouth still has that polite, easygoing smile that -shit, the man has actual dimples. How the fuck is he even real?

“Uh, yeah.” Levi says, remembering that he was asked a question.

The man throws up a magnificent eyebrow. “Even on a Saturday?”

“Especially on a Saturday. Field day for freelancers.”

“Oh. I see.” He nods so understandingly Levi wonders if his earlier estimation was wrong, whether this man is not a lawyer but a shrink of some sort. Ew.

Again, the man's smile widens unexpectedly. “I'm Erwin,” he says, and offers Levi his hand. Levi takes it almost suspiciously. “Levi,” he mutters.

“An uncommon name,” the man says, eyes gleaming.

“As is yours,” Levi points out.

The man -Erwin -grins at that, showing a flash of neat, white teeth. “True.” He pauses, then continues, “By the way, are you staying? I'm going to go get myself another coffee.”

Levi hesitates. He really has no other plans, except for going back to the drawing board for Karl for the tiresome client. But he can spare a half hour, at the very least. Erwin is intriguing, and he would not mind getting to know him more. And maybe even get his phone number…

No. Levi is shocked at himself. He has never been this interested, this forward, to use Kenny's antiquated term, with anyone. His romantic track record is littered with casual flings and half-hearted attempts, and after Farlan, his record has been conspicuously empty for a long time. Is he really, finally getting out of that slump?

“Levi?” Erwin says softly, and he is brought crashing back to the present.

“Sorry.” He blinks and shakes his head. “I was trying to figure out my schedule. Yeah, I can stay for a bit.”

“Excellent.” The man beams at him and Levi feels another burst of indignance at his attractiveness. “What's your poison?”

Levi snorts. “I can get my own order.”

Erwin shakes his head. “I'm getting up anyway.”

Levi shrugs. “Oolong tea.”

Erwin’s smile falters.

“What?”

“You're ordering tea. At a coffeeshop.”

Levi raises his eyebrow. “So?”

Erwin recovers admirably and shakes his head. “Nothing. I should remember not to make assumptions too fast.”

“Meaning?”

Erwin laughs and Levi can't help but notice he looks a little flustered. “I was trying to guess what sort of coffee you'd drink,” he admits. “Sorry, it was presumptuous of me.”

Levi waves away the apology, interested. “So what do you think I drink?”

“Black.”

Levi snorts. “I drink it black when I do drink coffee so you're not half wrong.”

“Good to know. Well, I'll be back in a minute,” Erwin nods cheerfully and walks over to the counter. Levi quickly takes the opportunity to check out his appearance in the laptop screen, making sure his hair isn't too ruffled or that there isn't anything stuck between his teeth. When he is done with that, he sneaks glances at the counter over the top of his laptop. Erwin is massive: tall and powerfully built, he looks like he spends his free time pressing weights at the gym.

Damn.

Levi quickly switches to his phone and pretends to be browsing it when Erwin returns to the table. He places Levi's drink down with unnecessary grace before taking his earlier seat.

“Thanks,” Levi grunts, to which Erwin responds with another smile. “My pleasure.”

Ugh. Does he ever not smile?

They take a few sips of their drinks in silence, before Erwin thankfully breaks it. “So what sort of freelancing do you do, Levi?”

“I'm an architect.”

“Really?” Erwin looks inordinately interested. “Sounds glamorous.”

Levi can't help it, he lets out a bark of laughter. “Yeah, right. It basically involves drawing lines all day.”

“I'm sure there's more to it,” Erwin insists, leaning forward. “As far as I'm concerned, it's art.”

The statement endears Erwin to him, but he shakes his head. “There are some of us who would take offense at that. The drawing process is very precise and even scientific.”

Erwin waves his hand. “Of course, I understand that. But would calling it an art undermine its value?”

“In my eyes, no.” Levi admits. “But I draw for a hobby and maybe that makes me biased.”

“Did you draw that?” Erwin asks, his eyes gleaming. Levi looks down at his left arm, where most of his tattoo is peeking below the sleeve of his t-shirt. When Levi nods, Erwin hesitates and asks, “May I…?”

Levi can't help but feel a little self-conscious as he tugs up the sleeve. He's been asked this a dozen times before, so the request isn't exactly new. However, this is Erwin he's showing it to. Erwin, the real-life model, the hunk, the first man he has been genuinely interested in for years now. He remembers that this intense, insane pressure is why he hated dating to begin with.

Erwin’s eyes trace the rose curling down his arm, its vines twisting around a plain, sharp sword. It is filled with simple colours, the lines are basic, and the personal sentiment is evident only to him. He wonders what Erwin thinks of it.

“Stunning,” Erwin murmurs, and Levi hurriedly sips some tea to hide the heat in his cheeks.

“Thanks,” he mutters when he feels it is safe to show his face again. “It's my early work, though.”

“It's… absolutely perfect,” Erwin says, his voice still low.

That seems to break the spell, and Levi snorts. “What, really? ‘Perfection’ is a myth.”

“Perfection is subjective,” Erwin corrects him, that curious gleam still in his eyes. “Much like art.”

To that he has nothing to say. Meanwhile Erwin digs in his pockets and pulls out a surprisingly worn leather wallet. He plucks out a card and says, “Maybe this will substantiate my words. I'm an editor at a publishing house.” Levi takes the card, his heart thudding. “Maybe you've heard of us?”

Wings of Freedom Press. Levi has heard of them: an old company, going back decades, but not one of the big names. The title under the neat “Erwin Smith” simply says 'Editor’.

“I've heard of you,” Levi confirms. His chest is feeling more and more hollow with every passing second and the reason makes itself known with Erwin's next words.

“When I say 'perfect’ I mean it's exactly what I've had in mind for our next publication. We've been looking for an illustrator, and, at the risk of repeating myself, your art would be perfect for the book.”

A business proposition was all Erwin had in mind, nothing more. Levi feels like he could kick himself in the ass all the way home, the physical impossibility of it be damned.

“You just saw my tattoo. That's enough for you to make a decision?” He asks, stalling. Though the attraction is clearly one-sided, Levi feels resentful and badly wants to decline the offer. He only hesitates because this offer could be lucrative in the long run.

Just that, of course. No other reason.

“Art styles change over the years but remain, in essence, the same. I -let’s just say I have a good feeling about this.” Erwin says smoothly. “I can only say so much, but I urge you to consider it. I think you'll like what we can offer to you, and we would be thrilled to have you as a part of the team.”

“I already have a client.”

“Of course. If it doesn't take more than two months of your time to finish your contract with your current client, the offer is still open.”

Karl and his problematic specifications would be gone in two weeks at the most. That left him with little to no excuses for refusing Erwin.

“I understand that this is unconventional,” Erwin goes on, seemingly unaware of Levi's growing antipathy. “You can, of course, email me a portfolio of a few select works. We should be able to draw up a formal offer soon enough.”

Levi grits his teeth, still fingering the card. He wants to ask if he would have to work closely with Erwin but can't bring himself to say it. He doesn't know what he wants the answer to be, in any case.

“I'll think about it,” he manages finally. He doesn't want to make a choice now, when his emotions are all in a fucking mess, and regret it later.

Erwin suddenly seems to realise that he is sitting with a stranger in a coffeeshop. “Fair enough.” He swigs down the rest of his coffee and says, a little nervously, “I'm sorry if I came on too strong. I just -am very impressed by your skills and wouldn't want to pass up the opportunity to work with you.”

Stop. Just fucking stop. Levi wants to scream at the man, but he knows it is immature and unfair of him. Erwin wasn't flirting with him in the slightest, he sees that now. On the other hand, Erwin does seem genuinely impressed, and how can Levi blame him if he sees a business opportunity in that?

“Right.” Levi finds his teacup empty, and stands up. “Thanks for the tea.”

“Oh. You're welcome.” Surprised, Erwin stands up, too.

Levi hesitates, then offers him his hand. “Nice talking to you.”

Erwin’s face is almost unrecognisable, a stiff, polite mask. “And you.”

With a small, final nod, Levi gathers up his laptop and charger, and marches away. When he steps into the street, he stops for a moment, trying to remember if he's run out of cigarettes at home.

“Levi!” The coffeeshop's doors swing open behind him and Erwin strides out. “I forgot -is there any way I can contact you?”

Too surprised by Erwin's sudden reappearance, Levi nods. “Uh, yeah. Hang on.” He gropes in his pocket and finds his card case. Plucking one out, he hands it to Erwin, who squints at it as though it holds very important instructions. “And… this is your personal phone?”

Levi raises an eyebrow. “Yeah.”

“Then, would it be alright if I contacted you on this number? Outside of work?”

Levi stares at him for the full moment it takes him to realise what Erwin is implying. “Are you asking me out?” He asks him point-blank.

A now-familiar smile spreads on Erwin's face. “Yes, I am.”

Levi's heart is thudding erratically again, the hollowness from before replaced by so much warmth he feels like he could melt right there on Erwin's dress shoes. (And who the fuck wears dress shoes on a Saturday?)

“Wow,” he comments. “You hire people better than you ask them out.”

Erwin chuckles and Levi notices the slightly pink hue of his cheeks. Is Erwin Smith, the real-life model, the hunk, blushing? Well, damn.

“I'm a little rusty,” Erwin admits. “And a lot more used to hiring people.”

“Clearly.”

“So, is that a yes?”

Levi gives him a contemplative look, taking in the deep blue eyes, and the strong shoulders, and the trim waist. “It's a maybe,” he begins, and does not miss the disappointed flash in his eyes before finishing his sentence, “for the illustration gig. You can definitely buy me another drink.”

Erwin’s face lights up so quickly Levi nearly laughs. The man is like a fucking Labrador. “I'll text you, then.”

“Perfect.” Levi throws him a last smirk before walking away, fighting the urge to skip like a demented child, the expression on Erwin's face bringing an unnaturally sunny smile on his own.

Power cuts, Levi decides, are really fucking underrated.

A/N: My knowledge of architects and their work is very, very basic. Hopefully I haven’t misrepresented you guys!

Thanks again @autiacorart for so beautifully capturing the essence of my story in your art! And thank you all for reading!

[odysseuscomplex-blog]

The first time it got bad was my first summer here. I was pet sitting in a place with no A/C. It felt like I had literally descended into the fiery pits of hell. I’d wake up as though from a fever dream, saturated with sweat. I hadn’t established friendships firm enough to last over the summer yet. I was ahead of the game academically. Essentially, I just *didn’t have anything to do*. It was summer boredom more than real hand-on-heart depression probably.

The second time was winter-ish. I came back to a terrifyingly frigid city. If the first time was fire, the second time was all ice. It was the worst northern winter I’ve been through. There were extreme cold advisories pretty much every week. A couple of my closest friends were out of the country. I walked to the library, did things, walked home, not seeing a single soul. Apart from half-hour stretches where Judith Butler caused my brain to explode into joyous shards of regulatory ideals and queer parody, everything seemed like stagnation.

In that state, I wrote what would become the first chapter of my dissertation. It’s still what I think of as the best chapter. The thesis is strong and bold and for once I even persuaded myself. I look back at it and wonder how it came out of a brain wracked by isolation and frost.

The third time was after a breakup, again in the depths of winter.

It was something else. It was the worst yet. 

I had weaned myself off medication. I had majorly cut back on drinking. I was so very proud of myself. I thought that was the fix for everything. I thought I was some kind of cured.

Spoiler alert: I wasn’t.

I hadn’t discovered weed yet. Lawdy, the zz-quils I popped. I took baths, like you’re supposed to. I listened to mournful spotify playlists. 

The fourth time was..... just recently. And now.

There’s a tiresome familiarity. Part of my brain sinks down, starts tearing me apart, while another part starts to set up defences, gets into my particular brand of survival mode, developed after time #3. The survival mode involves clinging desperately, like some sort of tick or limpet, to the smallest snatches of joy and pleasure in every day. It involves persuading myself that feeling okay, just okay, for periods of half an hour or so *has* to be enough, because it’s all I’ve got.

It’s a strange thing. There are times when I “should” have been depressed but wasn’t. The summer after B left, and I was desperately sad, but I wasn’t depressed. Depression is not grief, though they share an awful lot. I was distractable. I threw myself full-bodied at “hobbies”, lifting and video games. Those things had the *capacity* to “take my mind off it”. That’s what people mean when they give you advice like that, because it worked for them, because their brains presumably weren’t as fucked as yours can get.

And then after another breakup, when I “should” have sunk into it and did not. I was sad. I was not depressed. I had the *capacity* to “bounce back”. People say, oh, you seem so much more resilient this time. But it’s nothing to do with resilience (which, of course, etymologically and literally means a “jumping back”: remember those “jumping priests”, the Salii?). What is it? Who knows. But sometimes my brain sinks down into that pit, and sometimes it doesn’t. Do I control it? I’m not sure. That’s the thing; that tangled aetiology, that snakey hydra. Exactly *how* is my brain fucked up? 

Purportedly neuroplasticity is a real thing. You literally think yourself into fuckery and the fucked up thoughts cut trenches in the turf of your brain, comfortable and familiar routes for the careering wagons to speed along. Screwy neurotransmitters? maybe.

The biggest thing for me was always trying to convince myself that I was “bad enough”. There are people who can’t get out of bed, who can’t sleep, who can’t eat; there are people who physically harm themselves. PhD girl, who never missed a deadline in her life? No, I must just be a fuckup.

But that’s the point. The illness is very, very good at telling you it’s not real. That’s a hallmark of the illness itself. So what’s real? Maybe everything, maybe nothing, but this is hardly a time for ontology.

---

It’s done wonders for my empathy. It’s put a million things “in perspective”. In a way, I am grateful for those things. It’s made me forgiving and understanding. Em-pathy: climbing into someone else’s suffering, feeling it as though it were your own?

There are so many breeds of “hard work” that aren’t socially valued. 

[mynameisananagram]

Ryder character questions

This post was made by @jedimasteramell but because no one asks me owt, I’m gonna answer all of them.

Also thanks @alicesaurus for reblogging this onto my dash!

Just some fun character development/get-to-know-them questions! Warning, there are some basic spoilers.

The basics! Whats their full name, gender, and sexuality? Describe their general appearance and/or include a picture. Is there anything you canon beyond what the game allows?

This is Greta Ryder. She’s a pansexual woman with a tattoo on the left side of her face and neck, and scars on her right cheek. Her make up is amazing.

Can’t always wear Initiative whites and blues, Whats their dress style like? Do they prefer casual wear, or being in armor? Is it the same as it was in the Milky Way? How, if applicable, has it changed since arriving in Helius?

She prefers the armour options in Andromeda; integrating angaran or Remnant tech is extremely helpful; generally though, she prefers to chill out in her badass jacket. All her outfits are functional and stylish, in her favourite colours.

Do they have piercings, tattoos, or notable scars? Do they dye their hair, or is it a gene mod?

The scars on her cheek are a remnant from a previous misunderstanding with a group of vorcha at a Prothean dig site. The misunderstanding was resolved amicably, but there were scars on both sides.

As for hair, it’s a gene mod, done more for convenience than anything else; having to dye one’s hair in between missions was incredibly tiresome.

What’s their personality like? How do they feel about being Pathfinder? How do they change, if at all, over the course of the story?

At first, she was incredibly unsure of herself. Spending most of her pre-Heleus career on fairly tame dig sites, the only trouble she’d face was from pirates and scavengers. Outside of her comfort zone she’s constantly second guessing herself. Thanks to SAM and the rest of her team, not to mention her successes, she’s becoming more and more the Pathfinder her father knew she’d be.

What’s their preferred profile, or class? Were they naturally inclined towards combat or technical skills? Were they a developed biotic, or did they first experience it with SAM?

Greta was always into technology, always the first to adapt to new tech in both combat and her scientific role. As such, she tends to prefer tech skills in Helus, with the combo of Overload and Incinerate being very useful. That said, the biotic Annihilation Field is awesome for close range combos.

Canon says they served in the Alliance before joining the Initiative, do you keep this canon, or have you made some changes? Explain their backstory either way.  

I’m a fan of the canon, truth be told. Greta has always been a sarcastic, highly capable nerd. She joined the Alliance, following in her father’s footsteps, but despite showing an aptitude as a combat technician, she found the idea of uncovering the mysteries of Prothean civilisation far too big a draw, and joined the scientific corps as a researcher and peacekeeper.

Everyone’s got one… List their (or your) favorite powers, weapons, and armor sets. Any special reason for these choices?

Throughout my Mass Effect history I’ve always loved the tech stuff. Overload and Incinerate are fantastic together, and good for basically every kind of enemy. As for weapons, the Disciple from ME3 is ace in Andromeda; I crafted I my own with armour-busting seeking projectiles and named it Deathlord. Couple that with cryo ammo and a crafted krogan hammer called Smash Bastard and the results are explosive.

As for armour, the health benefits of the Remnant armour is super handy, though the Maverick armour is a lot more stylish.

Its all in the family. Explain their relationship with Alec, Ellen, and their sibling. If you changed anyone’s names or added a different sibling in your canon, explain why.

As a rule, I don’t change canon. Greta’s relationship with her father is strained; there’s a lot of respect there but it’s not a traditional daughter’s love for her family. She is, however, extremely close to her twin, Scott. She wishes she could have spent more time with her mother.

What’s their favorite memory they have of their sibling? Of their parents?

The two weren’t close as children; the fact that they were twins was more of an embarrassment than anything else. Both wanted to be their own person and be as individual as possible. They only really became close in their late teens as they enlisted in the Alliance and realising just how similar they were to each other 

How have they dealt with the aftermath of Habitat 7? How deeply does this affect them?

It’s hard to put into words. While never close to her father, Alec was still Greta’s dad, and he was a huge figure in his life. Losing him in such a heroic manner was hard to come to terms with, and the only person she could talk to about it was in a coma. Breaking the news to Scott while he was comatose was especially hard. Couple that with all the pressure put on her by the Nexus leadership, not to mention the insulting interactions with Foster Addison, has left a psychological toll.

Thankfully, her family on the Tempest has helped her adapt to this. Liam is always good for downtime, Jaal is always happy to talk about feelings, and Vetra is good for forgetting about problems and shooting the breeze. Lexi’s medical and psychiatric advice has been invaluable.

As they unlock the memories, how does this change, if at all, their view of their parents?

There was definitely a lot more to her parents than meets the eye; as mindblowing as these revelations are, especially these Reaper things and the apparent destruction of the entire Milky Way, part of Greta can’t help but feel hurt that Alec never trusted either of his children enough to impart this knowledge while he was alive.

Explain the way they feel about their squadmates, both initially and over the course of the story.

Initially, Greta finds Cora standoffish and cold. Over the course of the story, she finds her creepy love for the asari to be kinda disconcerting, and would rather keep her distance.

Liam’s a laugh. Initially he’s a bit annoying and cocky, but there’s real depth to him, and he’s a real friend, if a little immature.

Vetra is a solid friend, and helping her and Sid become closer really solidified the friendship Greta shares with her.

Jaal is a sweetie. He’s always been a sweetie, and most likely will always be a sweetie.

Drack is the best space grandpa ever. If Greta ever realised that she needed a parental figure, she’d probably realise that Drack fits the bill perfectly.

Peebee is definitely affected by her abusive relationship with Kulinda, but regardless, she’s an insufferable, immature, edgelord of an arsehole, and Greta is happy to have as little to do with her as possible.

Explain the way they feel about the rest of the Tempest crew?

Gil is a cocky, arrogant twat who needs to take a good hard look at himself.

Kallo is the loveliest being in the entire universe, and if anyone hurts him in Greta’s presence, they’d better be good at running away fast.

Suvi is the most beautiful woman in the world to Greta. They don’t agree on matters of religion, but their shared love of the beauty of the cosmos and science in general (not to mention that accent) keeps the fire burning.

How about Nexus leadership and the people on the Nexus in general?

Kesh is awesome. Kandros is a solid guy. Tann is a snivelling bureaucrat. Addison and her goddamn poetry can fuck right off.

What were their reactions to the Angara and the Exiles? How did learning there was a whole new species in Helius affect them? How did news of the rebellion affect them?

“Huh, a brand new galaxy and yet life has evolved beings with the same limbs and facial arrangements as the Milky Way, that’s extremely unlikely but OK whatever” (I have something of a bugbear about the fact that aliens all looking the same but with different heads is just ridiculously implausible, and don’t even get me started on the female angara looking ridiculously oversexualised... also, while we’re on the subject, why are humans the only species in the known universe to evolve hair? The fuck’s that about?

Ahem. Anyway. The existence of a pre-existing species in Andromeda does change perspectives; the Nexus species came here for a home, but the Habitats chosen were already habitats to other species. To just set up outposts willy nilly would be dangerously close to the colonisation of the Americas by the Europeans, which began with genocide and devolved from there. Every decision the Nexus makes in Heleus has to be at the discretion of the angara.

To paraphrase Greta at the beginning of the game, what would we do if the angara turned up on Earth expecting to live there?

What about their interactions with the Kett?

Knowing their true origin is hard; it’s not like there’s a lot of choice in the matter but the idea of eradicating an entire species, however hostile, is a chilling prospect.

Did Ryder fall in love? If so, with whom? What drew them to that person? Would their sibling approve?

She is deeply in love with Suvi (though she won’t deny an attraction to Jaal, Keri T’Vessa or Reyes Vidal), for reasons explained above. Scott would approve, probably; he’d also most likely have been drawn to Mr. Vidal.

What does Ryder do in their spare time? What are their hobbies and interests? Do they share these with their friends, or are they more private?

Greta’s big into reading. She likes to read mind-numbingly complex scientific journals, but her favourite are asari pulp romance novels which she enjoys reading for comedy value.

How do they feel being in command of the Tempest? Whats their favorite part of the ship? Least favorite?

Greta still finds it uncomfortable being in charge, but she’s getting there. She loves hanging out in her quarters (being bigger than a lot of Nexus apartments after all, but her favourite place is the bridge, next to her beau and the stars.

How about driving the Nomad? Are they a good or terrible driver?

No comment. Don’t ask Jaal.

How do they feel about their connection with SAM? What’s their views on AI in general? Knowing Milky Way history and the attack on Eden Prime and the Citadel a recent memory, did the Geth influence this view? Does their view on SAM change?

Greta is pro-AI, and while understanding the quarians’ actions during their war with the geth, she finds it upsetting that most quarians are still anti-AI. The geth attacks on Eden Prime and the Citadel were terrifying, but Greta knows that AI are objective and rational in their behaviours, and attacking colonies and the Citadel is not standard geth behaviour; she would have liked to have been assigned to the task force investigating the geth attacks had she not had her Alliance career sidelined by her father’s own research.

As for SAM, she is a huge fan. No matter what happens, she’ll never be alone, not to mention the fact that she’s basically a superhero now, able to adapt her body and mind at will.

Favorite world they landed on? How do they feel getting to be the first human to step in many of these places?

Clear out all the predators from Havarl and Greta could live there forever; it’s so beautiful and twilight and there’s no shortage of Remnant to study. If she didn’t have such a wanderlust she could definitely imagine another life as a scientist seconded to Pelaav Station.

How do they feel about the Remnant? Are they worried? Curious? Simply accepting of what they can do with it?

Being a former Prothean researcher, Greta is right at home in a world filled with ancient, mysterious alien relics from a long lost civilisation. And being a tech head, the ability to couple Remnant technology with their own is a big draw.

Do they ever wish they could just return to the Milky Way? Do they miss anything in particular about their old home? Did they bring anything special with them?

It would be odd not to want to go home; for one thing, you just can’t get a decent steak on the Nexus, given the rationing and limitations. Sometimes it’s nice to fantasise about her former life, where if she ran out of something, she could just go to a shop.

Thankfully, her excitement and interest in the exploration and discovery far outweigh the minor inconveniences.

How do they feel about what they’ve accomplished in Helius? Are they proud? Worried? Do they feel positive about the chances for a cluster-wide unity? If they could change anything that had happened since everyone arrived in the cluster, what would it be and why?

The journey to Meridian and beyond showed the power of a united galaxy, even with the limited resources of both the Nexus species and the angaran resistance. Reuniting the 4 main pathfinders, with word of the quarians still out there too, not to mention the krogan colony, was a huge effort but this union drove out a terrible threat and learned more about a cluster than ever before. The overarching feeling of the whole experience is one of hope. There’s much more work to be done, but with everyone working together, there’s nothing that can stop us.