#which is not the same thing and doesn’t pack the same punch imo

[pop-punklouis]

-

[bowie-boy]

NOTES: For the first eleven episodes of Community I wasn’t keeping track of trans Jeff moments but I will when I rewatch. I also starred the key trans Jeff episodes (imo of course)

Without further ado...

Every transcoded Jeff Winger moment (I can remember) because he’s a trans man:

1x12*

getting punched in the face is his “male rite of passage” according to Pierce

1x14

“I’ve never been someone’s dirty little secret” the fact that he is now?? Transcoded

“I’m afraid of things getting official. If you say it you might later have to UNsay it.” Jeff was definitely terrified of coming out and realizing he was faking it huh

1x17*

Jeff is uncomfortable wearing short shorts in public and wants to wear his own clothes, he gets very uncomfortable when questioned about it

Abed says Jeff is 30% the trans guy from Boys Don’t Cry

Once again! Gets very defensive when accused of being panties

Coping with hypermasculinity is so trans

1x20

“What is THIS Jeff?” “My chest????” “What are you packing in these pants” “guys-“ this entire exchange is trans

1x25

Jeff being so done with tr*nny dance

That moment of him and Troy with the trans cookie in the same frame >>>

2x01

“An old drinking buddy who may or may not have had a sex change” makes Jeff cut Abed off and ask questions, I think he got nervous

2x03*

Blood test at a physical! Testosterone

2x06

Jeff is very protective over his suit

2x07

Jeff and Troy laughing about Y chromosomes because they don’t have them 😌 (yes Troy is trans too)

2x08

very proud of his chest, doesn’t want to cover it up at all

Jeff is very quiet during the period conversation

(I’m actually writing a fic about Jeff’s coming out that takes place during this episode)

2x10*

Jeff looking so confused and annoyed when Pierce said “I broke my legs not my gender”

Jeff giving Troy a manhood experience for his birthday!!!

2x12

all the women enter the same bathroom as Jeff

2x15

Pierce reading a supportive speech in case Britta is LGBTQ+ and telling Jeff to “wait for the one” he has for him

2x17

Jeff uses nipple guards when running

2x18*

“Abed...can I tell you something I’ve never told anyone else?”

Jeff had to wear a girl’s costume for Halloween

“Everyone kept saying what a pretty little girl. After a while, I stopped correcting them. What was the point?” Wow TRANS

2x21

“You disqualified yourself from this conversation [about women] the second you decided to grow a wang” “I regret nothing”

3x04

Jeff keeps his toiletries in a safe

3x05

Jeff being a vampire is transcoded I don’t elaborate

3x06* (this is just a great Jeff ep in general)

Threw a gay party and it was great

His dad fucking DISOWNED HIM?????

3x09*

“foosball was just masculine enough to get by without throwing it catching”

Jeff had a pony tail as a kid

“I changed my clothes, my hair, my personality”

“Foosball is how I defined myself as a man”

Jeff wearing a hoodie at the end of the episode?????

3x12*

Jeff “has bad posture and sometimes looks like he has boobs” according to Britta, a statement which made him uncomfortable and deflated his self esteem

Jeff really wants the award for most handsome young man

3x13-14

Flannel

3x17

“A man’s got to have a code. I can only assume a woman has an equivalent to that, like a codette or something” okay trans

3x19

Jeff really doesn’t like being separated from his jackets

4x01

I just think Jeff leading a dance with another man who is in drag is very trans coded okay

4x02

Jeff is so obsessed with his body that he must be a trans man proud of his transition

4x05*

“Jeff’s at the point in his life where he needs a strong father figure to come out to” is this not canon trans man

“You seem like a self made man.” “I mean, I kind of had to be.”

The entire scar thing

Jeff’s stepbrother or half brother or whatever being too “soft” for his father to like?? But Jeff who is hypermasc still not being enough????? Okay canon trans

4x07*

Jeff is really enjoying his manly barber shave

4x10

everyone bought Jeff a hoodie for Christmas

4x11

Jeff is really scared of commitment to things regarding permanent choices or his own identity, maybe he struggled with this for his transition when he was younger

5x04

Jeff “would rather look at himself naked than the people he sleeps with” because he’s proud of his transition

5x07

Jeff and Duncan did a boys’ night! Maybe Duncan knew him before he transitioned and it made Jeff uncomfy until now

5x08

“my penis needs no enlargement” proud of his transition af

5x11*

Jeff is/was obsessed with GI Joe which was like Thee boys’ cartoon

He can’t visualize his future which is trans

They bought him an it’s a boy mug 🥺

6x04

Jeff is really supportive of the dean’s sexuality, literally trans

Like Frankie is basically canonically a lesbian or at least queercoded

The dean is canonically queer

Why else would Jeff be there if not for the fact that he’s trans

6x05

Jeff getting mad when someone says he hits like a girl and taking his shirt off

6x06

Jeff is stressed about his emails being leaked —> he got outed?

6x08

Jeff is really proud of his scenes in the movie, he wants the world to see him fully transitioned and how manly he is

6x10

Jeff hoodie trans

He won’t shut up about cars because he wants to seem big and manly

Also in general his halloween costumes are all hypermasc. I think the study group really helped Jeff feel better about his gender identity and really made him feel safe. Thanks for reading!

[italwayshadtobeyou]

It’s always interesting to me which episodes I find great on a rewatch vs. the first time around. Some of them gain added depth; some of them remain about the same; others just... fall apart. Random examples:

“Pilot” and season 8′s Amelia episodes pack a bigger punch if you’ve seen “Carry On.” Sam will get to have his normal life-- at a price he doesn’t want to pay. It’s bittersweet and beautiful.

I still enjoy the MOTW aspects of “Wendigo” and “Bloody Mary”; however, it irks me to know that the implication that Jess is haunting Sam will never get resolved, or even discussed, in the over three hundred episodes ahead.

While "Swan Song” itself does not become a much better or worse episode (IMO) on rewatch, it does add a dark, delicious note to previous episodes that deal with Sam’s childhood and college acquaintances. Is Becky from Stanford among those possessed-- and, if so, did the demon maybe even set up the case with the skinwalker? What about the nice teacher who encourages Sam to write? Did Rachel Nave really make out with Dean, and if so, did she do it to drive a wedge between the brothers?

Since “angels are basically asexual alien drones who lack a human understanding of individuality, privacy, and the body” is a very different premise than “local MLM stalks straight man,” “Despair” throws a new, perverse, and unintentionally funny light on 11+ years of scenes where Cass violates Dean’s personal boundaries. Does he pop up in the bathroom because he didn’t think about it, or because he has a secret scat fetish? Does he plan to jerk off to the sight of sleeping Dean? Is he always going through the Winchesters’ stuff because he actually needs their MacGuffins, or is it a Joe Goldberg thing?

Season 15′s God-wound arc becomes annoying when you know that Chuck will heal it after 9 episodes, just by talking Sam into hopelessness. I can’t rewatch it-- even the episodes I thought were good the first time ‘round, like “Atomic Monsters”-- without wondering why Chuck doesn’t do it sooner. Or why he doesn’t, y’know, just snap his fingers and teleport a bunch of downers into Sam’s bloodstream.

[gffa]

I’m halfway through The Clone Wars: Stories of Light and Dark and it’s about what I expected, it’s mostly just straightforward retellings of the episodes.  I had hoped for a bit more thoughts being woven into the perspectives, though I wouldn’t say any one of the stories I’ve read yet is worthless, either.  It’s perfectly serviceable so far, is generally my feeling.  (Mild, mostly general feelings spoilers so far, but feel free to block the “#solad spoilers” tag if you want to remain completely unspoiled!) General thoughts on the stories I’ve read: “Sharing the Same Face” (Yoda) by Jason Fry - I’ve always enjoyed Fry’s writing and he really does a great job with Yoda’s point of view and the mix of whimsy and ancient wisdom that he contains in this mysterious mix.  The moments Fry describes in the story, especially Yoda first touching down on Rigosa, the way he’s constantly feeling the clones’ emotions, the sense of wonder at the life around him, the way he sits down mid-battle to meditate left me feeling wonder at that anew, really are exactly what an anthology like this should be.  I’d have read the book just for this story alone. “Dooku Captured” (Dooku) by Lou Anders - I like Anders’ writing as well and this was a very solid Dooku pov.  A lot more could have been done with it, I feel like it was a missed opportunity to examine Dooku’s feelings on his lineage (there is one line that mentions Qui-Gon that got me in the feelings place, though!) or a chance to really go full-throttle with the hilarity like he did with Pirate’s Price, but it was more middle of the road and a fairly straightforward retelling.  I think it would have been served better picking a lane (hilarious or feels-laden) instead of half-and-half between the two, but I did take notes for caps that I wanted to yell about, so clearly I enjoyed it. “Hostage Crisis” (Anakin) by Preeti Chhibber - I think my own expectations of Anakin’s complexities of character got in the way of this story, because it has some cute Anidala moments, but other than that it’s a very straightforward retelling of the episode that really doesn’t examine Anakin’s character at all or the bigger themes in SW, which felt like a huge missed opportunity for me.  But, again, those were my expectations going on and the tone of the story wasn’t what I expected, so that’s not really fair.  Worth reading if you want some cute, light-hearted Anidala moments. “Pursuit of Peace" (Padme) by Anne Ursu - I have mixed feelings about this one, I feel like it’s a mix of my own expectations getting in the way again, that there are moments that I really enjoyed about Padme’s view of the Republic falling into economic ruin, that she’s really kind of unsympathetic to Mina’s point of view, and of course all the discourse surrounding Padme’s speed about how buying people is making the Republic poor.  Other than the way she thinks about the bounty hunters (giving snide nicknames to them didn’t really feel like Padme to me, but that might be a personal thing), I feel it was pretty faithful to what would have been going through Padme’s head in the episodes.  It’s just that that’s kind of complicated re: whether that makes for a good Padme story. “The Shadow of Umbara” (Rex) by Yoon Ha Lee - Sadly, this one was actually the most disappointing to me, because it’s such an intense arc in the show and it’s not that Rex’s character doesn’t have weight here, but that there’s really nothing added to what we already get on the screen. It’s a perfectly fine retelling of the story in text form, but with such an important arc to the story, I wish there’d been something more to this version of it.  There’s nothing wrong at all with the story itself!  It’s in what I can’t help wishing it had been instead. “Bane’s Story” (Cad Bane) by Tom Angleberger - Angleberger does great with upbeat, fun narrative styles (Chewbacca and the Forest of Fear! is a hilarious book for that) and I very much enjoyed his take on Cad Bane.  It doesn’t add anything to the episode, you don’t really get a sense of who Cad Bane is that you didn’t already know, but it’s an enjoyable ride along the way, just a fun story to read. “The Lost Nightsister” (Ventress) by Zoraida Córdova - This is the strongest story of the book so far, imo!  I’m only halfway through it, but this is what I wish the whole book had been like--there’s a lot of moments that really dig into Asajj’s character and what place she’s in mentally/emotionally after the genocide of her people by Dooku and Grievous.  The sense of aimlessness, the scattered and hurt feelings, the lack of focus, the loss of her sisters, it’s all woven in really well.  I’m only halfway through the story but it’s packing exactly the punch I’d hope for from it.

[thessaliah]

Understanding Beast VII: Olgamarie’s and her family’s Sin in FGO

Note this is speculation meta which might or might not get jossed in the future, or change when I go through another branch. It's to explore what's said in the game, adaptation and other related (Nasu approved) material to speculate the themes of part 2. Working with contrasts with previous plot relevant Beasts, setting aside Tiamat animated parallel (which could get for Beast I in the future when Solomon temple is out as well), Goetia works the best because of the origins:

King Hassan (in disguise) warns in Babylonia through flowery language warns of two evils in particular. One is pity (or compassion), and another, the complementary one, shame (or regret). Beast VII sin hasn't been assigned, however it's very likely it'll be this one. I think I've covered up since the beginning of Lostbelt my suspicion Beast VII was the culprit because this sin was particularly fitting with Lostbelts and Crypters.

Beast I and Beast VII have some sort of connection, to each other. Holmes call Beast I attack the present from the past, while Beast VII from the future. It's the destruction of the past, the end of the future which somehow provokes this.

The Time Temple is compared by Da Vinci with Chaldeas, both as conceptual replicas of something on a smaller scale. Chaldeas is probably connected to Beast VII and the bleaching because it was made to observe the future, 100 years to be precise.

Now, talking about sins seems excessive, but I'm just using some contextual language since we speak of Beasts. Evils of Humanity. Beings who bear their fangs against the Human Order of the present to safeguard the Human Order. Well, of course, we're talking about the more plot-relevant ones and we can ignore Kiara or Kama for this lore definition. That's what I'm sticking with. Given that clarification, we should recap what was Beast I to understand why Animusphere are Beast VII and why Olga in particular, rather than her father (for now?).

Beast I was the consequence of a system designed to protect the Human Order and help humanity evolve. An observation system composed first of Solomon, who died, and then the 72 pillar demons. This birthed humanity incineration in their pride and anguish of humanity perceived meaningless and suffering. It was pity for that history of pain that led to extinguish it fire to use that energy and makeover the species (and the planet) from scratch. It was because they had the authority to do so. They were a system made to evolve humans, and one with human emotion and agency, unlike Solomon who could perform his duty because he had neither of those. Roman, the human born of Solomon's wish for a second life, countered such a statement denying the rights of such authority, returning Solomon's blessings to God, completing that task. Because he believed in many futures chosen by people themselves, and not chosen by him or his replacement. The reason why Goetia became Beast I and not Solomon was because Goetia had freedom to be angry and snap back, but Solomon admitted he didn’t have such freedom, so the potential of that evil was inherent in the system: an observation system to evolve humanity. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but perhaps it is when it demands it to have the reigns and control of it.

Back to Animuspheres. Why them? Creating Chaldea seems beneficial for humanity. Well, it is... but only if Chaldea is treated like was treated under Romani, Da Vinci and Gordolf: as a group that answers emergencies that endanger the present at the time rather than in potential for a future danger. Let’s remind what Olga said in Fuyuki:

(cutting because image heavy)

On a first read, it sounds innocent, but actually, is a fairly arrogant claim. The speech beforehand should be revised (in particular with the recontextualization Mortalis Stella gives it having Emiya being angry with Olga and the Animuspheres):

Basically, if Solomon and the 72 demon gods were Observers and Administrators to evolve Humanity (something Roman undid so humanity would be free to choose going their pace). Animuspheres fashioned themselves as Observers who ensure or validate Humanity future. The results of over 2000 years of experimentation. Now here’s the question, if Beast VII is the Beast made of this system, why was Olga, and not her father, the one who transformed? While in the past, I believed Marisbury would be Beast VII, I always have to wonder one thing: what could lead a man as self-assured and pragmatic to experience such shame and regret (if that was the Beast sin as I speculated) so I had to headcanon something like “whatever he saw in the future made him feel ashamed”, but thinking about it, he couldn’t be that for a similar reason Solomon wasn’t Beast I: he didn’t have the mindset for it (in Solomon’s case, it was because he had no freedom to choose to be angry - but this weakness also exists, even in Roman who dislikes watching and making people sad, he just diverted from his potential danger by his  personal journey as human). Marisbury’s simply someone who resolutely points a gun at himself and blows his brains out with a smile. He still could have been an evil of Humanity, like Solomon probably was (not the Servant record version), just unhatched because the sin assigned was never nurtured. His daughter on the other hand... Unlike her dad, Olgamarie accomplished nothing, she’s deemed as a failure, no matter how she tries, even less apt for Celestial Bodies Faculty than her father’s star pupil, Kirschtaria Wodime. She even clings to her ‘life’ in Fuyuki because of her regrets, expresses her cries for her own insignificance in her last moments unable to accept it’s over.

There surely are other factors, like humanity torturing her (Specimen E), her death, potentially being an artificial being, or family indoctrination. But it’s still Olgamarie’s choice and her flaws which led to this transformation. The emphasis made on Olgamarie’s choice was present in the Lostroom when Lev asks her what she’ll do and she doesn’t have an answer to him. Her only answer is in the game or in the storyline where she parrots they’ll protect the future:

And now we’re back to Melty Blood: Backalley Nightmare. In that story, there's an argument of approaches to how to protect humanity. One is Sion, who abandons the big picture of 'preventing' a crisis and more 'do what little I can do' with the present. This is what Chaldea, the Chaldea after Olgamarie died led by Roman and his successors, has been doing, even in the Lostbelts. They try to protect what they could, and trust for the best. The other is Siamlin, who like Animuspheres did, is trying to observe the future and take measures to prevent it before it happens, no matter what she does, she justifies it as for the sake of the future.

(and there's this warning right here).

Simultaneously there're two Olgamaries. A dead one, presumably from Siamlin’s timeline, is a child ghost with mysterious powers and says this: “The future will not change.” The other Olgamarie is actually from one of Atlas’ simulations but has become a real timeline (due to Ghost Olgamarie’s power). That Olgamarie meets Sion and has a change of heart. This is why I made emphasis on Olgamarie’s choice and agency earlier, because that Olgamarie takes FGO Olgamarie’s proud statements in the beginning about her and Animusphere’s mission and abandons it:

Our job to guarantee the future, but whose future do we guarantee? We say that we're going to ensure the future, but what kind of future do we think is good? We expanded on the land, we built cities, we crossed oceans, we travelled the skies, but for what purpose?

She concludes that, to change the future, working with the little things of the present should be more important. This speech she gives to Flauros before he detonates the bomb, and  it changes everything because no bomb goes off. Nobody died. Flauros changed his mind and agreed. While the ending is all poetic and symbolic. The result is Sion winning. And the materialization is what Olga (this Olgamarie) wants, same as Roman, a bright blue future which is the symbolism for “endless possibilities” (also mentioned and reminded in Lostroom by Lev to her). The future can change.

Well, I was lengthy, but I laid out something: Beast VII being Olgamarie, other than whatever tragic thing Nasu will toss to “soften” the blame, makes a lot of  sense if it’s the Beast of Shame/Regret who ends the present from the Future. Animusphere (or Animusphere experiment) connected to Chaldeas and filled to the brim with feelings of not being good enough, and who thought needed to ensure humanity’s future. However, I think the one who has to defeat Beast VII is Olgamarie herself too. Because there need to be clear that humanity doesn’t need anyone to validate the future for them and the approach to change what’s the come is more “focusing on what little you can do now” than “obtain a great power to change things” which is what Olgamarie concluded in that manga (ironically FGO Olga strongly preached for latter in her speech; it’s no surprise U Olga exists partly, IMO, due to this). It’s possible that the thematic resolution will be similar, give or add new themes with more packing punch and characters involved.

P.S. Moonlight Lostroom OVA and Mortalis Stella in particular make emphasis that Olgamarie has doubts about her mission, but it seems she sticks with it. But once again, it’s important that these got (belatedly) added to reflect the post Melty Blood manga retcons.

[wemblingfool]

With Beast Wars triumphant return, as well as Cheetor and Skybyte appearing in Cyberverse, and Barricade finally getting pulled out of the bayverse, it's really wonderful to see the G1 deathgrip finally beginning to loosen.

But there are still a ton of characters and designs who deserve to be rescued from obscurity. (Mine is by no means a complete list)

Beast Era- There was just so many, that if I don't limit myself, this list will be nothing but BW. Avoiding Beast Wars US show characters because they get 90% of the attention.

Razorbeast: Was just an empty toy-only character until Furman got ahold of him and did his typical magic to obscure toy only characters. Razorbeast was the best thing from IDW's terrible BW comic.

Botanica: The first (and only serious) plant TF. She would be amazing to see expanded.

Jetstorm: Like a bad gameshow host, Jetstorm was a joy to watch in Beast Machines. He also had a brilliant design that never got justice.

Hydra: From Beast Wars Neo, Hydra was a really lonely Predacon.

Killer Punch: Also from BW Neo, he was a conspiracy theorist on the level of The Question, or The Lone Gunmen. Imagine him sitting in his mother's basement (if Destrons/Predacons had mothers), blogging on the internet about how the original Megatron was secretly an autobot double agent.

Robots in Disguise- Everyone, honestly. Y'all really need to stop the RiD hate train. But here are the stand outs (for me)

Scourge: Is much more interesting a character than anything that's been done with "Nemesis Prime," since.

Gigatron: I go with Gigatron because IMO, he was much more interesting than his US Megatron version. Six modes and driven insane to the point of each mode having a unique personality.

The Predacon Trio: Darkscream, Slapper, and Gasskunk. Skybyte makes the occasional appearance recently. He needs his troops, who were fun enough on their own.

The Autobot Brothers: Sideburn, Prowl, and X-Brawn.

TAI: The best computer the autobots have. In any continuity.

Unicron Trilogy- The biggest continuity outside of the extended G1 continuity. As usual, too many to list.

Thunderblast: Not the most interesting toy, but she was a fun character

Shortround: Dude was a toy collector. He's one of us. He deserved to be brought back.

Brushguard: A decepticon botanist who loves old b-movies. What's not to love?

Ransack & Crumplezone: One of the most iconic duos in all TF

Landmine: We need more grumpy old robots, beyond Ironhide and Kup. Also, autobot construction vehicles are very rare.

Vector Prime: Amazing given how important he was/is, at how little he's been used since. The "multiversal singularity" thing was hands down one of the dumbest narrative moves, but that's no fault of Vector Prime's.

Override: She was an interesting design, and deserves to have more done with her.

Bayverse-

Blackout: neat design and a fairly blank character

Ransack: He's a friggin' biplane!

Sideswipe: same

"Daytrader": A Steve Buscemi transformer. Another Swindle-type character. He deserves to be rescued!

Crosshairs: Fairly big personality, which is rare for a bayverse TF, and an interesting design. I'd take him before G1 Crosshairs.

Animated- Just turn TF into animated for a few more years and I'll be happy. But, in terms of moving characters forward

Prowl: What's not to love? Peaceful nature loving ninja.

Bulkhead: A clumsy, sweet gentle giant with the soul of an artist. Everyone thinks he's an idiot, but he's the best spacebridge technician on Cybertron.

Sentinel Prime: Never been a more fun Sentinel, and never will be!

Lugnut: He just kinda got dumped.

Blitzwing: Would kill to see a future Blitzwing take after him instead of the dull as dirt G1 Blitzwing

Aligned- To be honest, i hate this trainwreck as much as I do Bayverse. But there are still concepts and characters worth salvaging

Knock Out: Dude was a blast. One of the only enjoyable things in TFP.

Soundwave: The only interesting Soundwave out there, imo.

Strongarm: She deserves moving forward

NuRiD Decepticons: Unique and fun designs, all of them! Would love to see Steeljaw and Bisk again!

Bumblebee- It is small. And it is broken. But it is still good... Yeah. Still good.

Shatter & Dropkick: Very much afraid these two will be quickly forgotten about and abandoned.

Cyberverse- it did a lot of new things with old characters. But it did bring some new and unique characters to the table.

Clobber: Sorta stole TFA Lugnut's design while being an amazing new character. She's something we've never seen before- a female big muscleheaded idiot brute. Female TFs are now becoming common enough that we're starting to get variety.

Wild Wheel: Nothing about him wasn't amazing. The show was cancelled before he even appeared, though.

Thunderhowl: Like Wild Wheel, didn't show up until Cyberverse was cancelled.

Hammerbyte: same

Botcon- While under Fun Publications, Botcon became nothing but milling out more G1. But under MiB and 3H, and even in FP's early days, they did give us some unique characters.

Fractyl & Packrat: I don't think there's a more iconic set of characters to Botcon than these two.

Shadow Striker & Roulette: Shadow Striker has gotten to move forward a bit. She appeared in the movie line, which that version was then the inspiration for Cyberverse Shadow Striker, but her sister has been all but forgotten.

Flareup: She's a very bubbly and upbeat personality, who happens to take an almost fiendish glee in blowing stuff up. She's the best thing FP ever did.

Landshark: One of the most hated FP characters, and I've never understood exactly why. He'd be brilliant if he got good fiction:

Landshark doesn't know where he got his name from and he doesn't really care. Some 'bots tend to confuse it with "Landmine", but once Landshark pulls his fist from their abdomen they don't seem to get it wrong anymore. Always the practical jokester and seen by his peers as a wiseguy, he often makes light of even the most dramatic situations. Once, he had one of his power claws ripped off of his body by a blood thirsty Narliphant. Landshark didn't fret about the situation; he simply turned to Flak and asked, "Can you give me a hand?"... Flak was not amused. Able to transform his auxiliary battle platform into a hydraulic booster pack, he has the strength to wield two massive power claws capable of ripping open an enemy's armor plating. This feature also gives him the ability to cling onto or climb up almost any structure. While in vehicle mode, Landshark enjoys intimidating, and then plowing down, anyone that stands in his way.

Like I said, these are all just scratching the surface. But these are all some of my most favorites.

[dvarapala]

“We have each other, and we’re kind of the same, you and me.”

the strength of the wolf is the pack // @squibbed 

they’re kind of the same, in a way. two sides of the same coin. they’re also completely different in other ways. and sometimes, udyati feels torn between being calm and understanding - because she does understand him - and complete and absolute anger. 

rage, one might even say.

because how dare he? how dare he shut her out like that and then come back with... with platitudes! how dare he come back and expect her to let him into the fold (which, to be fair, she would) just like that?! without some sort of apology?!

or maybe this is his apology.

if it is, well, apologies for the language, it sucks. 

but this is hurley. and he tries. he tries so hard. and she sees that. and she gets that, respects that, even. yet she still feels like she’s walking around with the piece of glass he had all but jammed into her heart last time they spoke.

so maybe it’s time she draws a line in the sand. maybe it’s time she sets some hard boundaries.

personal growth, and all that.

“we are,” udyati nods. “and we do.” and there’s a quiver in her voice but she continues anyway: “but---but i’m not going to smile at you and be here for you, and take your hand and lead you to the music room, and sneak into the kitchens with you, cheer for you at your quidditch games, and ask you about imo, only for you to turn around and shut me out when the going gets tough. i... i know what happened to you. and i’m glad you felt safe enough to tell me. and i hate that it did and that nobody did anything to stop it. but you can’t hurt other people just because you’ve been hurt. and---and it hurt, hurley.”

and it still hurts, hurley. in fact, it’ll probably continue to hurt for a long, long while.

“so that’s where i stand. i’m, um---we have each other, and we’re kind of the same, you and i. but... but i’m done. not with our friendship. not by a long shot. i’m just not gonna be... i’m not your---i’m not your verbal punching bag. you, uh, you don’t... i don’t want to make you shine, make you feel better, while---while you make me feel worse. and i know that’s... that’s not what you meant to do. but you did. and---and i think, i mean, i’m sorry to say it because i know you still...” 

she remembers the ‘screw up’ debacle. big, black blocky letters on his face. hurley slinking into herbology afterwards. madam sprout sending him away to the hospital wing. the letters went away but the irreparable damage never really did. instead of reminding him of that, udyati takes a deep breath as her eyes soften. the habit of instinctively protecting hurley corman is also something that never really does go away. so she dips her words in honey and vanilla, makes them more palatable, hopes they’re soft instead of wicked sharp shards. “...um, i know you don’t like it or like to hear it. but... but we both need to look in the mirror, and, uh, and inside of ourselves. because i want to be your friend. believe me, hurley, i want to be your friend more than anything. but i don’t want it to be at my own expense.”

with a shaky sigh, udyati adds: “i... i don’t---i thought that at this school, the teachers would be kind and understanding. you know how that turned out. then i thought i’d make real friends. and for the most part i did. i have. but... but when you pushed me away, it reminded me so much of amma. she does it all the time too. sometimes she doesn’t even know she’s doing it. and when i look at you now it’s just that same hopeless feeling i get when she’s angry at me. because i don’t know what to do. i don’t know how to make it better. i don’t know if it’s gonna happen again and i don’t want to spend so much of my time worrying about whether or not you’re gonna let me in or push me out.”

it’s like there are two hurley’s now: before and after. before hurley is a jokester. after hurley takes every negative thing that has ever happened to him and sharpens it so it’s a blade, lets it fester, lets the poison coat his tongue.

and udyati is tired, and exhausted, and sad. just very, very, very sad.

“i just need some time, hurls,” she whispers, and ducks out of the classroom. “i’m sorry.”

[loopy777]

Random question. What which fanfic (that is a story) that you have posted, do you think is the most popular? You think it’s ‘Traitor’s Face’, or is it one of the Maiko’s fic?

I guess it once again depends how we’re defining ‘popular.’ My multi-chapter stories have more reviews than my one-shots, for obvious reasons, but when we compare them by Reviews-per-Chapter, my most popular thing is actually a Zutara short story with 30 reviews (on fanfiction.net) that I wrote for a contest with a word-limit and made too scattered to be very good at anything it’s attempting. (Except that last gag. That’s solid, if a little more crass than I usually go.) Going by kudos, though, seems unfair to my longer projects.

So here’s some of my most popular stories, according to the reviews-per-chapter metric (based on fanfiction.net reviews):

Holy Matrimony - 1 chapter, 24 reviews - Oh, hey, another Zutara, although this one is a religious satire starring some characters I labeled with Avatar names.

Cages - 1 chapter, 23 reviews - This one deserves to be near the top. It has Zuko and Toph in it, has no romance whatsoever, and I think I did a really good job exploring their characters. This one also has the most Kudos on AO3 of all my works, easily, which goes to show my relative lack of feedback there is probably less about the platform and more about most of my stuff not being good enough.

The Contract - 1 chapter, 21 reviews - My most popular Maiko story, a one-shot comedy. I had the idea for this one during the drive home from work, and I had the whole thing planned out by the time I pulled into my parking space. I banged it out that evening and published it. It’s mostly just silly. And it’s my most popular Maiko. I don’t what that goes to show, but it goes to show something, I’m sure.

The Avatar & The Fire Princess - 14 chapters (so far), 183 reviews - There’s a reason this alone of all my Completed stories is getting a sequel. The sequel volume is dragging the average reviews per chapter down a bit, but the first volume continued to pick up reviews even after it finished, so in the long term it will probably recover its old rate.

Best Served Cold - 4 chapters, 51 reviews - Sokkla, in general, is good business, and this one succeeds by being relatively short amongst my multi-chapter works but still packing a good dramatic punch. However, its review per chapter count of 12.75 puts it below most of my one-shots.

Retroactive - 31 chapters, 374 reviews - This story comes out to ‘novel-sized,’ which is probably the sweet spot for multi-chapter works. It’s long enough to tell an epic tale, but not too long to the point where it intimidates people. And that’s with it being impossible to discuss without spoilers. Pretty good, even though my average one-shot beats it in the reviews breakdown.

Traitor’s Face - 81 chapters, 909 reviews - This wound up with about the same reviews per chapter rate (11 and change) as one of my 7-chapter shipping week novellas. I think that’s pretty amazing, considering its intimidating size and the utterly ridiculous ship it’s centered on. However, it’s a good thing I’m not interested in popularity, as it’s a pretty pathetic return on five years of work.

Samsara: Mai's Long Day - 52 reviews, 7 chapters - This is my most popular multi-chapter Maiko fic, with a pitiable 7 and change reviews per chapter. I expect that the appeal is that it’s also a Groundhog’s Day fic, and those are interesting in and of themselves and are usually really good when done right.

.

(I didn’t mention AO3 statistics much because I get a lot fewer comments there than my fanfiction.net reviews. And it seems unfair to compare kudos-per-chapter. Anyway, the relative popularity of my fics doesn’t really change per platform.)

.

So, nope, my most popular stuff is neither Traitor’s Face nor my Maiko stories, by this way of measuring things, and in fact they’re among my least popular stuff. If I want reviews and comments, my best bet is to keep doing Zutara rom-com one-shots. If anyone has a better way of breaking down popularity, feel free to drop a line. But I don’t get enough buzz (that I’m aware of?) to do any other kind of comparison, IMO.

Of course, we could try to discuss popularity without involving math.

But what am I saying? That’s crazy talk.

[bidnezz]

11:45

Here on Ao3.

Pairing: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood

Rating: T (for language really). Workplace AU, Coworkers, Lunch Thief, Silly, Apology notes, Simon is adorable imo

Summary:

Alec’s body is still, his hand tucked into the crumpled bag before him, body heavy and cold with the realization that his pasta is gone.

He digs, quick and rushed, unforgiving to the bag he won’t be able to reuse tomorrow but that’s the least of his worries right now. His fucking pasta is missing. He removes what’s left of his lunch, staring desolately at the tupperware of mixed fruit and bag of crackers, something purple and foreign stuck beneath them.

He grabs it, a piece of paper that’s been neatly folded into fourths, opens it up with shaky fingers that he’s sure is from the lack of food in his system and not at all from the completely valid and necessary outrage he’s filled with.

Sorry! I’ll pay you back!

Was looking for some inspiration and saw a tumblr post with the prompt:

who keeps stealing my lunch and leaving apology notes?

Tuesday 11:43am

 Alec stares at the digits in the bottom right corner of his computer screen, swears he can hear the ticking of a clock in his head. He wills it to go faster, knows it won’t, but tries anyways.

 Two minutes is all he needs, honestly.

 He thinks of his bag in the fridge. Boring, brown, and crumpled from re-use the day before. It’s the treasure it holds that has his stomach responding, begging the gods that preside over this particular section of pixels to somehow speed up time.

 He’s starving, hungers for the leftover chicken pasta that graced his and Izzy’s dinner table last night. If he thinks really hard he can even taste the hint of cream on the back of his tongue, heavy and savory. Maybe that’s just his saliva. Maybe he’s died from hunger and has gone insane.

 His eyes are drawn back to the screen when the numbers change with sloth-like speed and the mantra of food food food in his mind bring him to his feet, his chair protesting at the sudden movement.

 Nobody notices, nobody cares but him that he’s going to lunch 15 minutes early, and he likes it that way. He prefers the company of his grumbling stomach and beeping of the microwave before the only sounds in the room are scrapes of his utensils against the tupperware and content sighs of happiness. It’s his favorite part of the day, the 15 minutes he gets to himself before he prepares for the drama and insipid tales of parties he has no interest in ever attending that his coworkers like to push on him.

 His coworkers aren’t bad, if he’s honest. They’re normal for the most part, and he’s done his best to stay in the relatively good graces of almost everyone. Everyone near him, at least.

 Alec doesn’t venture very far in terms of cubicles, choosing to stay contained and focused on his work. But sometimes when he’s been away from Izzy for too long he’ll feel the creepings of loneliness and a need for human interaction and he’ll drag himself down two-to-the- right- one-up until he’s peering over the edge of Simon’s desk, patient and waiting until the bespectacled boy offers him a story about his band’s gig the previous week, or wistful stories about his best friend that’s just a friend, and he’s totally not in love with her, shut up Alec why are you laughing?

 So things could be worse, he thinks to himself as he reaches into the refrigerator for the paper bag and settles himself into his favorite chair with his back against the wall. He could have coworkers that are raucous and annoying, who squawk and screech when they talk. Or he could—

  Thief!

 Alec’s body is still, his hand tucked into the crumpled bag before him, body heavy and cold with the realization that his pasta is gone.

 He digs, quick and rushed, unforgiving to the bag he won’t be able to reuse tomorrow but that’s the least of his worries right now. His fucking pasta is missing. He removes what’s left of his lunch, staring desolately at the tupperware of mixed fruit and bag of crackers, something purple and foreign stuck beneath them.

 He grabs it, a piece of paper that’s been neatly folded into fourths, opens it up with shaky fingers that he’s sure is from the lack of food in his system and not at all from the completely valid and necessary outrage he’s filled with.

  Sorry! I’ll pay you back!

 The loopy scrawl looks elegant but does nothing to quell his rising blood pressure or satisfy the ache in his stomach. He crumples the paper, tosses it into the trash bin across the room where it belongs, and snaps his tupperware lid open to stab at his fruit with a fork that really doesn’t deserve the harsh treatment.

 He’s going to find out who did this, and he’s going to…

 Well, Alec is too hungry to think of what he’s going to do to them, but he knows it’s going to be bad. Very bad.

   --–

   11:34 Wednesday

 The low hum of keyboards and the occasional mouse clicking that he’s used to doesn’t calm Alec’s racing thoughts like it normally does, doesn’t try to lull him into the dream-like trance of his peers. Most days it does, but today is not most days.

 Today is the day Alec has begun to see his coworkers for what they really are. He doesn’t care if Lydia—who sits in the adjoining cubicle to his left—is pristine in her work and mannerisms and polite to a fault. Doesn’t care that she’s always polished and perfect in the coworker handbook, which doesn’t exist but really should because who steals people’s lunch? What he does care about is that he knows for a fact Lydia still has a stack of post-it notes she asked to borrow last week, a pack that has been almost completely used up to leave reminders and notes around her desk. She still hasn’t given them back, or offered him a new pack, and Alec pushes back the errant reminder in the back of his head that she offered and he refused.

 Because now she’s a suspect and he trusts no one.

 He stands, slowly as not to arouse suspicion, and when he passes her desk he does a quick glance around to see if he notices anything else that belongs to him on the dark wood.

 As hard as he tries, Lydia is perceptive and offers Alec the same picturesque smile she always does, teeth white and blinding in the fluorescence, and Alec does his best to hold in his guilt at his mental accusation.

 He’s early to the break room, earlier than usual, and he hopes that he’s rewarded with the mouthwatering teriyaki chicken and rice he prepared for today. It’s one of his favorites, and he feels his mouth flood with just the thought.

 He grabs at the crisp paper bag, sets himself down in his usual chair and reaches in to find—

 Money?

 There’s a note with it, red paper embellished with little gold swirls that trap the $20 bill.

 Sorry again mon pétit chef !

Hopefully this covers whatever I’ve stolen

I promise I’m not a bad person, just hungry!

Your food is the best. ♡

 He’s infuriated. This monster is mocking him now, taking the time to doodle on apologetic notes while he savors every last bite of Alec’s carefully cooked meal. They have the time for jokes and notes, surely they have the time to bring their own damn lunch.

 The only thing left in his bag is the empty, but thankfully washed, tupperware he had packed this morning. Damn it, he thinks as he shoves his fingers through his hair and heads over to the vending machine, angrily forcing the crisp bill through the slot and punching in his choices. Chips and cookies, highly nutritious and sure to get Alec through the day in a wonderful mood.

 He jabs at the coin return button a few times with no response, and when he glances down he can’t help the strangled noise that leaves his throat and the anger that forms a prickle at the corners of his eyes.

  Machine does not give change.

 He’s never used the vending machine before, not in his one and a half years has he ever needed to. But now…

 Now, he’s forced to sit at his table with a defeated sigh and $20 worth of snacks.

   --–

   Thursday, Alec comes prepared.

 In the morning he comes in wary with his lunch held close to his chest, and he sets it down in the same spot as always. Only this time, there’s a note taped to the front of his bag, a yellow post-it note that he hopes gives Lydia a hint, whether she’s the culprit or not. “Stop eating my lunch” it reads, big bold and to the point. Just like Alec.

 The day passes uneventfully, and though he’s confident nobody will be touching the cut up steak, potatoes and veggies in his bag this time, he’s still suspicious of everyone.

 Simon comes over to pass him a flyer for his show tonight, bright orange and the art is drawn by my best friend Clary, she’s so amazing isn’t she? I mean it, it’s amazing artwork. You know in a few years time this will probably be worth a lot of money, like a collector’s edition or--

 Alec’s ambiguous stare unsettles Simon and he adds a weirded out “Dude are you, like, okay?” before he shrugs and heads back to his own cubicle, Alec’s undecided eyes following his every movement with a sharpness he’s never needed to hone until now.

 Perhaps he’s covering up, trying to extend an olive branch beyond the monetary.

 Alec won’t accept, though. Won’t forgive and forget until he knows for certain that it’s Simon, and has a confession straight from the source. Why doesn’t Simon just admit that he’s been taking Alec’s lunch and apologize? Why does he have to do it in a roundabout way now that he’s been called out? Be a man, Simon Lewis. Admit your defeat, and stop eating my lunch.

 At 11:45 Alec’s visit to the refrigerator is prompt and purposeful, renewed with vigor because he has no reason to believe his lunch has been stolen again. Not until he’s sat on his chair with another empty container and note, livid.

  Or what?

I’ve repaid you for my trespasses.

Sorry again, mon pétit chef!

Today was especially tasty.

xo

 Fuck.

  --–

   Friday’s plan is foolproof, Alec smiles to himself, whistling as he steps up to his chair and sets his thermos and rustled paper bag on his desk. It’s unseemly, looking out of place and cluttered, but it’s a precaution he has been forced to take now, because he’s figured out how to get out of this predicament he’s been caught in all week.

 Gone are the days he comes home, starving to the point of exhaustion because Alec really does rely on his lunch to get him through the days. It’s hard to concentrate on numbers that begin to jumble together on a flickering screen that only agitates the pounding in his temples.

 So he’s decided that he’ll bring a lunch that wont spoil on his desk, something that will still be edible after 4 hours of room temperature climate. He’s testing it with his favorite soup, chicken noodle with extra chicken and veggies, his broth rich and hot filled with all the flavors that make his mouth water.

 Perhaps having his food in such close proximity to him all day is not the best idea. He eyes the thermos, then shakes his head because he’s being ridiculous now. He’ll survive, and at 11:45 when it’s time for lunch his soup will still be warmed and tasty and completely untouched by him or any conspiring coworkers.

 Only by the time lunch rolls around his thermos is only half-full and he’s already got cracker crumbs on his shirt because self-control is severely underrated and Alec is literally hungry all day long. So he savors what’s left of his lukewarm soup, tips his head back to drink the leftover vegetable bits and pieces that have settled at the bottom of his thermos with a grimace. It’s not the worst lunch, but it’s not satisfying and the high hopes he had set himself on this morning are shattered like the last cracker he crunches in his mouth.

 At 12:40 he’s about to head back to his desk when curiosity strikes him.

 Slowly, as if he wasn’t sure what would be on the other side of the door, he pulls open the refrigerator. His stomach twists bizarrely when he sees the carefully tented green paper in the spot he normally leaves his lunch. It looks oddly fitting, he thinks for a moment, like it belongs there instead of the unsightly brown paper bag he always leaves. He reaches for it, turning it over and feeling the weightlessness of it on his palm, despite how heavy it feels in his chest.

 Mon pétit chef -

I’m sorry if I’ve scared you off.

Here’s to hoping Monday brings new gifts.

Enjoy your weekend.

xo ,

M.B.

 Alec feels his face heat up, warmer than he’s ever felt in the confines of his kitchen with the fire high and wrapped in the air. The irritation sparks up again, and Alec doesn’t know why he suddenly feels so embarrassed and intrigued, but he knows it’s all too much to take in right now so he stuffs the note in his pocket and stomps to his desk.

 He scans the room before he sits down, most people are in the break room enjoying their lunch before the hour is up. Most people except Catarina Loss, three-to-the-right-two-down, who meets his eyes with a patient smile. Alec pauses, for the briefest moment he wonders if this is his thief, M.B., but then she looks away, returns back to her work as quiet and unnoticed as always.

 He doesn’t know much about her, and he makes a mental note to get whatever information he can out of Simon later without being obvious.

   --–

   Monday brings Alec in with hesitant, unsure steps, and he feels as if he’s walking into a bad idea.

 He sets his bag down on his desk, pulls out two brown paper bags, and stares.

 He would probably look insane if anyone walked by, watching these two lunch bags with such intensity he’s surprised they don’t burst into flames, but he’s early and Raj who sits behind him is the only one around at this time. Alec doesn’t care about Raj, nobody likes Raj. He’s an ass and if he wants to look at his lunch bags for 5 minutes then Raj can screw off.

 Chill, Alec, he can hear Jace’s words repeated in his mind. He sort of had a panic attack at Jace’s house Sunday afternoon when he realized he had no idea what he was going to do about Monday’s lunch.

 Jace knows about Alec’s lunch dilemma. Knows a little, at least. Enough for Alec’s freak out to seem a little less random and crazy.

 But still a freak out nonetheless, and now Jace isn’t here to calm him down, but he’s got his affirmation in his head that it’s really not a big deal, it’s just lunch.

 He snatches the offending bags, taking quick steps to the refrigerator where he sets them down side by side, one lightly rumpled bag next to an unblemished bag with the simple letters M.B. on them.

 What the hell is he doing? He must be losing it. All these numbers and long hours in a stuffy office all day long are turning his brain to mush and now he’s making lunch for his thief—not his thief. A thief. A lunch thief.

 Damn it!

 This shouldn’t be complicated at all, this shouldn’t even be a thing for heaven’s sake. It’s just lunch, it’s not a date and he doesn’t even know who’s on the other side of these notes. He’s acting like a teenager with these silly games.

 His fingers twitch, ready to reach out and snatch the bag to toss it in the rubbish along with any other stupid ideas he might have come up with, but he leaves it alone. Whatever this is, he’s being dumb about it, because it’s just food and maybe his mom would be proud or something, because Alec is feeding the less fortunate.

 With a nod, Alec regains his composure and heads back to his desk, feigning the confidence he sure as hell doesn’t feel, and when he slumps in his chair it’s definitely not because of a stupid lunch bag.

   --–

   11:45 comes so slow Alec is surprised he isn’t bald from ripping his hair out with each passing minute that feels like an hour.

 He stands, an attempt that was intended to be slow and purposeful but comes off as awkward and causes him to sway with misstep. Nobody sees, but he feels stupid regardless.

 While nobody notices him in his cubicle, he sees the usual smile from Lydia as he passes her, but this time Catarina is watching him and they make eye contact on his trip to the break room. Her expression is calculated, studying his movements and he hopes to god he doesn’t trip and embarrass himself.

 When he opens the refrigerator he’s disappointed to see the brown bag with the initials back in place, looking as though it hasn’t been touched. He grabs it to toss it away so he doesn’t have to take home the shame of his failed attempts at—

 Alec pauses, because he doesn’t even know what he would call this. Friendship? Peace offering?

 Whatever it is, he’s done with it for good.

 When he lifts the bag, though, it’s light and the food inside has clearly been consumed.

 He grabs his own bag and hurriedly makes his way to his seat, reaching in unceremoniously to retrieve the folded note he’s hoping is in there. He’s victorious, and he knows he looks bonkers with the huge grin on his face but he doesn’t care because he’s alone for now, and he’ll smile if he wants to. He sets the note down on the table, his eyes tracing over every letter slowly, admiring the swooping penmanship that he wants to rewrite with his fingertips.

 Mon pétit chef -

Today’s gift was from the Angels themselves .

I feel very special, so I’ll answer your request.

Looking forward to tomorrow.

xo,

Magnus

 He picks at his food, for the next 15 minutes, rolling the name he’s asked for over in his head, tastes it on his lips like the sweetest word he’s ever said. Magnus.

 It’s impossible to get back to work after lunch, but Alec does his best, honestly tries so hard to focus on the numbers in front of him but it eludes him. So he welcomes the distraction when Simon pops into Alec’s space, typing away at his phone and half-attentive to his own story that he’s regaling Alec with.

 “—and then Maureen was like ‘Oh, Simon, you’re so smart you should be the one running this place!’ and guess who walks past the office?”

 Alec gives a noncommittal grunt, and that’s enough for Simon because he continues.

 “Mr. Bane!” His voice is grave and he stops plucking at his phone to watch Alec’s reaction, deflates when the only response is a raised eyebrow. “C’mon Alec, work with me here. Mr. Bane,” he repeats as though that will get the point across.

 Alec shrugs. Simon rolls his eyes.

 “Mr. Bane is the guy who runs this place. He’s like the Sam Walton of Walmart.”

 “Sam Walton Bane is a weird name,” Alec responds, his fingers tapping quickly at the keypad to his right. He’s good at multi-tasking.

 Simon groans and smacks his palm to his forehead in an over-dramatic show of frustration. Simon has always been a bit over the top, but Alec supposes he has to be since he sort of owns a band. “No, Sam Walton is the guy that invented Walmart or whatever, you know the big chain? Magnus Bane is the guy that invented this place,” he supplies, though his voice comes out dejected because he’s sure Alec isn’t even interested anymore, if he ever was.

 But Alec’s brain halts suddenly, his fingers ceasing all function at the mention of the name he’s been repeating all day to himself.

 “Wh-What?”

 “Dude, if you’re not gonna listen I’m gonna go talk to Maureen,” Simon sigh and steps away from Alec’s desk where he was leaning against it. He’s ready to leave, takes the first few steps out of the cubicle before Alec seizes his arm, tugging harshly to bring Simon back. “Ow! The hell?”

 “Who did you say invented this place?” The words sound stupid coming out of his mouth, he knows that’s not the proper way to say it, it’s Simon-speak, but he doesn’t care. His brain is on auto-pilot as it tries to catch up.

 “Magnus Bane,” Simon repeats slowly, as though Alec is a child.

  Magnus Bane.

  M.B.

 Fuck.

   --–

   Alec calls out sick Tuesday, his head pounding with the stampede of a million questions that will never receive an answer if he doesn’t go back to work. But curling up in his bed and burying himself in all the blankets he owns seems like a better idea, and Izzy is gone at work all day so really who’s to stop him?

 Wednesday follows in the same fashion, only now he can’t stop googling pictures of Magnus, and good god, the man is literally perfect. He’s so gorgeous it makes his heart feel tender with loneliness because he knows Magnus is way out of his league. Magnus works 2 floors above him—well, Alec uses the term work loosely, because when you’re the head bitch in charge, what do you even do?

 Oh god, he’s just called Magnus a bitch.

 Magnus doesn’t know, can’t possibly know, but Alec still feels sheepish, and he ducks his head under his pillow to suffocate his shame.

 Not 5 minutes later, he’s got his nose pressed to his phone as he takes in the glorious sight of Magnus Bane on the cover of some trite magazine. He looks exactly like his notes would paint him to be, Alec thinks, sighing as he scrolls to the next photo. That’s how Izzy finds him hours later, cheeks flushed and jittery, thoughts and images of a man so unattainable Alec wants to cry.

   –--

   Thursday is sluggish and slow for Alec, his body genuinely retaliating against him for forcing house-arrest on it, depriving it of the essential vitamins and exercise it’s used to. He blames his inability to concentrate on this fact, and when he tosses two lunch bags into the refrigerator in the morning, he holds tight to this excuse. He’s too out of it to think straight, to really deduce why he still brought an extra lunch for Magnus.

 Why is he bringing Magnus lunch in the first place? The man has enough money to quit his company and live lavishly until he dies. Not that Alec wants to think about Magnus dying.

 Mr. Bane, he should be saying instead. Because he really doesn’t know Magnus enough to be on a first name basis with his boss.

 Little lunch-time notes from a stranger are one thing, but now that he’s wholly aware of the situation, this has to be the last of it. There has to be something against feeding your boss delicious food every day and getting flirty little notes in return, he’s sure of it.

 Something stirs in his peripheral on his way back, and he sees Catarina frowning at him, though she remains silent.

 He’s so lost, he doesn’t know what’s going on in this place anymore. His boss is stealing his food and flirting with him via notes like a kid, his coworkers are watching his every move, and on top of it all he hasn’t told anyone Magnus’ identity so he’s all alone in this.

 By the time 11:45 comes around Alec isn’t even hungry, his mouth is satisfied with the nervous energy it’s consuming because he’s got plenty of it right now.

 He opens the refrigerator to see his two bags unmoved, checks Magnus’ to make sure, and sits back in his seat dejectedly when it’s true.

 There’s a noise at the door to the break room, followed by a soft click, but Alec is too preoccupied in his thoughts to notice.

 He’s pushing around forkfuls of his spaghetti, jabbing his fork rather forcefully into one meatball in particular, but it does nothing to settle his nerves. He hears noise to his side, the soft tap of expensive shoes on tile, the door to the refrigerator squeaking open, the rustle of a brown paper bag with the initials M.B., and his heart races a few beats faster than normal.

 “Is this seat taken?” the melodic voice questions, and Alec feels his jaw lock up, his body tense around the tupperware in front of him.

 “N-Not at all,” Alec stutters. Dear lord, have mercy on his soul.

 Beside him, hand grasped on the back of the only other chair at Alec’s table, is Magnus Bane, asking to sit next to him. Him, of all people.

 Alec’s eyes travel first to the fingers curled around the plastic of the chair as he pulls it out, to the slender arm that connects to an equally slender but toned body and how does he even fucking know that? How can he tell what’s underneath the suit and tie Magnus is wearing?

 Surely the hundreds of google images don’t factor in. No.

 Alec gulps, and he finally meets the hesitant but curious gaze before him and jesus christ this man is beautiful.

 “Thank you, Alexander,” he speaks, his words pouring out of him like warm honey. And Alec chokes. He chokes, on what he has no idea, but he chokes in front of Magnus Bane.

 “H-How… My name?”

 It sounds stupid, he sounds like he can barely string a sentence together, and Magnus watches him. He can see he’s trying not to laugh, of course he knows Alec’s name, he’s probably done his own research on his employees, and he’s obviously caught on that Alec knows exactly who he is and he wonders if maybe google ratted him out to Magnus about his search history, because the smug look is awfully suspicious.

 “Would you prefer I call you mon pétit chef?”

 The magical laugh makes the teasing almost worth it, but Alec is beyond mortified now, because what does someone say to that?

 Magnus reaches across the table, his fingers graceful and soft as they brush along Alec’s chin to tilt it back into place. And Alec doesn’t say anything, won’t ever mention the way Magnus lets his fingers linger on Alec’s skin to anyone, or the way he feels electric in all the spots Magnus touches.

 “N-No. No thank you,” he murmurs, not sure why he’s being so polite when this is clearly not a formal setting, but rationalizing it to the fact that Magnus is his boss and also so insanely gorgeous and Alec is just so average that there’s no way he can form coherent thoughts in his presence.

 “Your cooking really is quite heavenly,” Magnus manages, popping open the lid to his tupperware, Alec’s tupperware, that looks so dingy and dirty in Magnus’ polished hands. It all feels so very domestic, despite Alec having never sat across from anyone so brilliant and extraordinary in his life.

 Staring at him now, face-to-face, Alec thinks that the photographs and magazine covers don’t do him the justice he deserves, don’t quite capture the immortality and timelessness of his face.

 “I’m glad you like it,” Alec says softly, his gaze everywhere but Magnus, because even though they’re drawn to him like moths to flame, it’s too much to bear for a prolonged period of time.

 But there’s time, he hears the whisper of the words in his head, feels them stretch across his consciousness with the promise of the future.

 He’s only just met Magnus, only started his silly correspondence a little over a week ago, but he feels a connection he didn’t know he was missing.

 Suddenly, a questions pops into his head and passes through the filter of his mouth before he can stop it, a question he’s been mulling over for days now since he found out who Magnus was.

 “Why did you steal my lunch?”

 Magnus laughs, loud and genuine and Alec basks in the sound, feels it warm the shakiness in his sweaty palms still.

 “Catarina is one of my oldest friends,” he begins, his eyes twinkling. “I came to visit her one afternoon for lunch and I saw you sitting in here alone, in that very seat.” Alec feels the heat rise to his face and he shifts uncomfortably at how predictable and boring he is. “I thought to myself, ‘what is this gorgeous man doing here all alone?’ And then you took a bite of your food, closed your eyes and looked so peaceful that I decided then and there I needed to try this amazing food.”

 Alec balks, his mouth threatening to fall open again, but he attempts to keep his composure. Magnus looks pleased with himself.

 “You could have just asked me to make you something,” he whispers, more of a thought to himself than to Magnus, but he hears it anyways and gives a low hum.

 “Where’s the fun in that?”

 Where indeed, Alec thinks, and he takes a bite of his lunch he’s made for them today, peering up at Magnus through his lashes, watching his response as he takes his first bite of the dish. And maybe Alec’s in the wrong profession because the soft moan and euphoric look on Magnus’ face makes Alec feel more accomplished than a day filled with numbers and data entry.

 The humor that their first meal together being pasta is not lost on Alec, and he smiles across at his lunch thief, wondering if he’s going to steal more than just his food.

 He kinda hopes he will.

[elminx]

On Divine Timing and When to Cast Spells

There’s an old Chinese proverb that goes “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.”   When people ask me about timing and spellwork, this proverb always comes to mind.   In a very real sense, the best time to cast a spell is BEFORE YOU NEED IT but most of us are not precognizant (enough) to know when you will need a spell in the future - so the second-best time to cast a spell is always now.  When you need it. But that’s not really the answer that people are looking for and I get that.  So here’s my personal reasoning behind when I choose to cast spells.  

Now > Good Astrological Timing > Phase of the Moon > Day of the Week I’ll break this down in a way that hopefully makes sense.

NOW

How important is the thing that you need?   In the end, if you feel called the cast a spell you there is a reason.  You should examine this need.  The more immediately you need the results, the quicker you should cast your spell and maybe you don’t have time to wait for the proper moon phase or hope for a good planetary alignment to help you out.    My caveat to this is that spells do require planning if they aren’t something you’ve done before (once I’ve done a spell 2-3x I can often go from decision to implementation in about 30 minutes so long as I have any components on hand.)    My second caveat to this is to think carefully before you cast a spell during a void of course moon.  Almost everybody is lower energy during a void of course moon and you won’t likely have as much oomph to put into your spell.  This is especially true of anybody with a strong Cancerean element to their birth chart of whose chart is Moon centric in general.   If its cleansing magic, go ahead - if its anything else, wait until the moon has changed signs.  If you can’t wait, you probably don’t need magic you need something else (a doctor, a lawyer, a therapist?). There are many apps out there that track void of course moons for you - this is specific to where you are and needs to be calculated for accuracy. GOOD ASTROLOGICAL TIMING

As the planets move through the sky, they interact with each other and with the Earth in different ways that add energy to our daily lives.   Think about all of the talk about Mercury retrogrades and eclipse seasons - some energies are good for spellcraft and some not-so-good.   Learning astrology and how it can help or hinder your craft is, IMO, one of the greatest things that you can do to enhance your witching. Some astrological events add energy that can be harnessed by everybody. They include (but are not limited to): anytime a planet changes signs, anytime a planet “stations” (goes retrograde or direct after going retrograde), anytime two planets aspect each other in the sky, full and new moons...I could go on about this for hours.  Use this energy.  It makes your witchcraft easier because you don’t need to add as much energy to your spells - using divine timing allows you to work with the energy that IS ALREADY THERE. Simple examples of this include: cursing a couple when Venus is square Mars in the skies, making a road opener oil to counteract the effects of Mercury retrograde, or casting a success spell while Jupiter is in Sagittarius.   The ways to apply astrological events to your spellwork are endless and highly individualized which I will get into next. This one requires knowing your birth chart well.  Use the current transits of the planets through the sky when they aspect your birth chart.   This involves knowing the planets, houses, and transits well but this is all information worth knowing!   For instance, you could not get better divine timing (IMO) for Crown of Success work than to perform it when Jupiter crosses your midheaven and into your 10th house which rules success and work.   This is tricky - the outer planets only transverse our houses a couple of times in our lifetime - but the Sun, Mercury, Venus, Mars, and the Moon do so regularly.  In fact, the Moon does so every month!

PHASES OF THE MOON

This is still an aspect of diving time, it's just divine timing on a much quicker scale.   The moon goes through every single of the horoscope every 28 days so if you want to cast a spell with the moon is in Pisces (for whatever reason), you AT MOST need to wait 28 days to cast this spell.  The same goes for doing magic with the full moon or new moon. Other astrological timing is hit or miss but you can guarantee that the moon is going to do what you need to do quickly enough that it is reasonable to wait for the proper moon phase (New, Waxing, Full, or Waning) for most work that doesn’t need immediate results.  Some spells are naturally cast better on a waning moon and some better on a waxing - I’m not going to go into specifics in this because this should be general spell knowledge.  Use this to your advantage - it will ALWAYS help you. That said, I will always choose other astrological timing over moon phase.  I would rather cast a Road Opener when an outer planet stations direct (a major shift of energy in the forward direction which can be harnessed for the spell) even if it's not during a waning moon which is the traditional phase for a road opener spell.

DAYS OF THE WEEK

If you’ve got nothing else, days of the week do just fine.    Monday is a moon day so casting a moon centric spell on a Monday under the right moon phase will pack a lot of punch.   If you want to work with Saturn energy but aren’t going to have a good Saturn aspect in the sky or in transit to your chart for a while, cast it on Saturn’s Day (Saturday). Lastly, as always, take this with a grain of salt.  If you don’t believe in the days of the week - don’t use them!  If you don’t connect with the moon - maybe moon phases aren’t for you!

Like my work?  Please consider buying me a Kofi.

[wellship]

Hello hi I just wanted to say I am absolutely here for Leah and Haley being girlfriends... hippie artist and pretty fashion girl??? Match made in heaven. Thank you. My crops are watered.

LISTEN…….. You have hereby given me permission to wall-of-text about why I love this ship so much lmao…

I already started off loving Haley because she’s IMO the best bachelorette in the game. I love not only how she grows as a character (compared to some of the others who can feel stagnant, even though I love them all too) but how her “growth” doesn’t mean that she sacrifices her personality completely.She was the first villager I ever romanced playing SDV because I was curious to see how she would be written and I was so, so pleasantly surprised. It’s so easy and common for characters like Haley to either stay as a shallow caricature of a “mean, girly girl” forever as a punching-bag for the writers’ projections, OR for her to do a complete 180 as if being girly, or interested in fashion, or not academic are bad traits to be “fixed” in order for the character to become likeable - especially since this was essentially a first-person dating sim, which often plays into the fantasy where a mean girl is turned into a totally pacified wifey-type by the (usually male) PC. I was fully expecting and bracing for Haley to go from being a caricature of a “mall brat” Mean Girl to being a caricature of an “I’m not like other girls” Cool Girl (or worse, “I’m so glad I Grew Up and realised all I need in my life is my hubby!”, but I wasn’t quite getting that vibe from SDV).

But that didn’t happen. Major props to CA for creating a character who DID grow and learn to appreciate things outside of her little bubble without feeling the need to abandon/criticise the things she used to like. She learns that shopping/makeup/boys (wink) etc. aren’t the only important things in her life, and she expands her horizons, but those things are still important to her. As someone who’s also interested in fashion and makeup it was refreshing to see those hobbies still portrayed in a positive light as opposed to something she had to “move past”.

So. Anyway. That’s why I love Haley so much and why I particularly like a narrative of her discovering she’s a wlw (thank you Stardew Valley for watering MY crops by giving everyone canon bi~ reads) as it ties in with her growing and maturing as a person.

And so when I looked at the roster of girls in Stardew Valley I felt like Leah was the best one to complement her character in a relationship:

Haley’s biggest obstacle in her life right now is that she’s very sheltered and, as a result, a little spoiled. Her parents are globe-trotting and her older sister has been left to look after her. The age gap between the sisters doesn’t seem to be that big and Emily isn’t very confrontational at the best of times, so I think she just took the path of least resistance, which was to do everything herself rather than argue with Haley who still sees her as a peer and not an authority figure.Leah, conversely, has had to become extremely independent and self-sufficient, very recently. Her narrative plot line about leaving an (if not abusive, then at least implied to be toxic/unhealthy) relationship and a position where she was “comfortable” but unhappy is very fresh and it’s exactly where Haley needs to be. Leah is in a prime position to, basically, give Haley a kick up the rear and tell her to get her act together, but without it coming off as too sanctimonious or parental since Leah is still going through it and learning herself. Two young adults navigating their way through adulthood and pulling each other along rather than one grabbing the other by the hand and “fixing” them.

The flipside of this is that Leah is in her position through choice, which she was privileged to be able to make. She CHOSE to leave behind a life in the big city and a stable career to pursue the aesthetic of living in a little country cabin and making art all day. Haley wants the opposite, but can’t make it happen. Haley would KILL to be able to pack up her life and move to the city to pursue her dreams - Fashion? Photography? Fashion photography? - but she can’t. She’s sheltered because she has everything provided for her in Pelican Town, but that doesn’t translate to having the same opportunities for forward momentum as Leah. Her parents aren’t implied to be very supportive of her dreams, so they’re not going to fund a move for her, and we constantly see that there are limited employment opportunities in Pelican Town unless she wants to work for minimum wage at Joja. So she’s kind of stuck. Narratively, we’re supposed to see Leah’s desire to move from the city to the country as a positive story arc (because it mirrors the player’s) while we’re supposed to see Haley’s desire to move from the country to the city as somehow being shallow or consumerist, and I think Leah herself would fall into the trap of thinking that way, which would be eye-opening for her.When you look at it, their narratives mirror each other. It’s easy to say that Haley is spoiled and out of touch with the “real world”, but Leah is also out of touch with reality in that not everyone can do what she did. I like Leah a lot and I’m not saying her life or her decisions were easy - and she definitely does seem to be genuinely “roughing it” and struggling for money when we meet her in-game - but she still got there by choice and she still does have a safety net of sorts, since it’s implied she could probably get re-hired in whatever lucrative field she worked in before moving. Haley doesn’t have that - her “safety net” of her parents’ house and her sister only works to support her as long as she stays put.I can see this being a really delicious and rewarding narrative point between them as they started to get to know each other, because I think they would probably HATE each other at first, lol. Leah would think Haley was childish and represented everything she disliked about “fake” city living while Haley would think Leah was pretentious and ungrateful.

Also I definitely love that hippie girl/mall girl contrast BUT please consider - Haley is also an artist and I think they’d both “get” each other on that level. Nobody in town considers Haley an artist. Leah is a “real” artist, a fine artist and a sculptor. Elliott is a “real” artist by way of being an author. Emily is a “real” artist for her sewing and… y’know… general aura. Those are defining aspects of their character. But to the other people in town, and even to the player, art is not one of Haley’s notable features. Her photography is just a throwaway idea. She’s the shallow, frilly, pink, bubblegum-scented boy-crazy “girly girl” who just also happens to take photos sometimes.But photography is serious TO HALEY. It’s pretty much the only thing she does around town other than wandering aimlessly. She has some pretty impressive equipment and she even builds a dark room for herself, either implicitly converting it from a walk-in wardrobe (which demonstrates how she sees her own priorities, regardless of how others see her) OR she builds it from scratch, which is even more dedicated. I think Leah is the best person in town to recognise that Haley is also an artist who’s dedicated to her craft and probably the only person to really encourage her to pursue it, to tell her that it’s worthwhile and not just some silly hobby. Leah would be able to see a lot of her own internal struggles over art in Haley, about whether it was “good enough”.

Conversely if there’s one thing Haley has which Leah lacks, it’s confidence. Leah is full of self-doubt about her art, her life choices, etc. whereas Haley’s main issue is apathy; once she finds something she’s actually passionate about, she’s very self-assured. I think once they broke the ice and started to become friends, if Leah expressed even a smidgen of self-doubt Haley would shut it down with very over-the-top but sincere pep talks.

I also just think their personalities contrast well, lol. Haley is extremely blunt but she’s not really trying to be rude, it’s just that the things she say often come from a sheltered perspective (i.e. “appearance is important to me” -> “[my concept of] appearance is important to everyone” -> “I should tell people if they’re doing Appearance wrong”). Leah on the other hand is very casual and polite but also hard to offend. She’s mostly content to let the odd comment roll off her back, but as we’ve seen with Kel, she’s also not afraid to tell people off when they’re being inconsiderate, which is what Haley needs - someone who won’t ditch her for putting her foot in her mouth, like most would/do, but also someone who won’t just enable her to stay sheltered.

Also in the context of this being a wlw ship/narrative, I think Haley would need a partner who was comfortable in their own sexuality since Haley (and her thematic counterpart Alex) are both extremely stuck in compulsive heterosexuality and sort of need a partner who… isn’t? Or else they’d just get sucked into a “will-they-won’t-they” vortex for a million years where neither of them know how to make the first move. Leah is the only bachelor(ette) who by default has any canonical LGBTQ relationship before the farmer, and that energy just translates well for Haley, IMO. I think if Haley found out Leah was a wlw then it would force Haley to reconsider her assumptions about her own sexuality.

Leah would go absolutely googoo gaga over Haley IMO and it’s just fun to picture her at the start of their interactions being like “god dammit she annoys me so much but DAMB .. .. .. girl pretty”

I doubt anyone read all of this but I HAD FUN and I’m really really glad to see such a positive response to that art!! I would love it if more people started shipping and making content for them 👀

[daughterofluthien]

Rules: Pick 5 shows, then answer the following questions. Don’t cheat. Tag some people.

Tagged by @brambleberrycottage! Thank you!!

(a note: these are not necessarily my fave shows or anything, but they are the shows that are more on my mind than others :P)

Teen Wolf

Star Wars Rebels

Stargate: SG-1

Leverage

Parks & Recreation

Who is your favorite character in 2? Kanan Jarrus. He has a fantastic character arc, he’s a wonderful mentor and space dad, and he’s probably my fave Jedi (and character) in all of Star Wars. Sorry about it, Obi Wan 

Who is your least favorite character in 1? I mean, I don’t tend to focus on least favorite characters too often. However, I do generally have a vague desire to punch Theo in the face anytime he’s onscreen.... He’s slightly better in 6B with the (incredibly rushed) redemption arc and all that, but like. Also.

What is your favorite episode of 4? Oh man, that’s a really difficult question for this show, actually. But for sheer creativity and memorability, I’d probably say “The Rashomon Job.” That was one of the ones that really stuck in my from when I first watched the show, and it ended up being just as good as I remembered.

What is your favorite season of 5? Hmmm I wanna say either S3 or S5. The harvest festival arc in 3 is great, but all the Leslie/Ben stuff in S5? Beautiful and iconic.

Who is your favorite couple in 3? I was a Jack/Sam shipper way back in the day, and that honestly hasn’t changed.

Who is your favorite couple in 2? Kanan/Hera! They’re just... !!! They care about each other! They’re supportive! They just love each other so much and I have so many feelings

What is your favorite episode of 1? “Frayed” Like !!! The entirety of 3A up to this point has been building up to the idea of Scott being/becoming an Alpha, and, like, throughout the season we see him do little Alpha things -- being a leader, pretty much everything about his relationship w/ Isaac, etc. And then!! Then!! This is the episode where he actually starts to realize it! And where he actively chooses the leadership role!

And I’m sorry, I’m not done talking about this episode yet, because I honestly just have so many feelings?? And it’s got this one moment. One moment in particular. Which may be one of my favorite moments in the entire series. Like the whole set up is really good (it’s also one of the few TW eps where anachronic order actually worked), and there’s this whole moment in the middle where Scott and Isaac have to calm Boyd down and keep him from attacking Ethan, as Boyd thinks the Alpha Pack killed Derek. And then, at the end of the episode, Isaac (who did not get upset about Derek in the same way Boyd did) learns that Scott isn’t healing from the wound he got fighting the Alphas, and he just. Absolutely freaks out and attacks Ethan.

(The show directly parallels Boyd’s reaction about Derek to Isaac’s reaction about Scott, and !!!)

BUT THEN. Then Scott comes out. And he roars.

And it’s not technically a roar, but he yells Isaac’s name and it has power behind it. And everyone (including Boyd) notices.

But Isaac!! Isaac stops! He responds as if it was a roar! And I’m!! Gonna go!! Absolutely!! Feral!!!

Ahem.

Anywho that’s my fave episode of TW, and I really love my Alpha son

What is your favorite episode of 5? Oh man, I don’t actually remember a lot of specific favorite episodes, even though I know there’s a lot of eps that I really like... I’m thinking “Flu Season”? But also that’s just one among many very good episodes.

What is your favorite season of 2? I’m gonna say S4, actually. I thought the show had a really strong ending, and I love the final arcs of all the characters.

How long have you watched 1? So I started watching in... 2012 or 2013 I think? And then watched off and on through at least part of S4. Then I started a rewatch here in the year of our Lord 2020 and uh. Here we are :P

How did you become interested in 3? This was actually one of the first fandoms that tiny!Carolyn was ever involved in! My mom discovered it back in like... 2003 or something, decided it was not inappropriate for her barely nine-year-old daughter, and from then on we were both pretty much hooked. 

Who is your favorite actor in 4? Mmm frick, do I have to pick? Probably either Christian Kane or Aldis Hodge. But also Beth Riesgraf is fantastic, too, the whole show is just so delightful. 

Which do you prefer, 1, 2, or 5? Okay okay okay. So. Rebels is definitely the tighter written and better show, imo, but also I’m having a ton of Teen Wolf feelings right now and I just care so much about this characters. So like, currently and tentatively, Teen Wolf? (Sorry P&R, I love you, but straight sitcoms are probably never going to be my pick, even though it is really good)

Which show have you seen more episodes of - 1 or 3? So like, this is really just a contest of how many episodes each show has, right? Since I can’t imagine picking a show for a game like this if I hadn’t seen all the eps? Anywho, seeing as Teen Wolf has 100 episodes and SG-1 has 213 episodes, I think SG-1 is the clear winner here.

If you could be anyone from 4, who would you be? So like, I wanna say Amy Palavi, the waitress in their Brewpub in S5? She doesn’t have a terribly intense life or tragic backstory, but she also gets to befriend and hang out with Parker -- along with some mild involvement in shenanigans -- so that seems ideal, honestly.

(And yes, I know she gets kidnapped in that one ep, but that works out all right in the end, so I’m still down.)

Would a crossover between 3 and 4 work? Weirdly, absolutely yes. I’ve actually read a few that were pretty good.

In fact, according to Word of God, Leverage and Stargate actually take place in the same universe? Apparently there were going to be a flashback gag with Eliot going through the gate as part of one of his many past jobs, but they weren’t able to do it, due to the sets already have been dismantled.

Pair two characters in 1 who would make an unlikely but strangely okay couple? Huh, oh man. I’m not usually much of rarepair person tbh. And like this is literally something I’m pulling out of absolutely nowhere and haven’t actually thought about before now. But maybe Sydney/Hayden? or Sydney/Lori?

Overall, which show has the better storyline, 3 or 5? Y’know, I was gonna go with Stargate with this one, but actually the big storyarcs were never my favorite part of SG-1. Whereas P&R actually had some really good and emotionally compelling arcs. So I’m actually gonna go with Parks & Rec with this one.

Which has better theme music, 2 or 4? Neither of them really have much theme music to speak of, but if we’re just talking about music, then Rebels is the clear winner here. Like seriously, props to Kevin Kiner et al., it has some seriously fantastic musical cues. Heck, the score for the finale got nominated for an emmy.

Tagging @whitecatgraycatblackcat, @experimentaldata, and @darnitjack! Also, as always, feel free to do this if you feel so inclined, and please tag me and let me know!

[retrauxpunk]

thoughts on cardigan/august/betty

AKA the songs that taylor swift herself referred to as the teenage love triangle. the whole album is packed with excellent lyrics dense with meaning but this trio in particular is a great narrative and i wanna talk about it.

okay so imo there are two main ways to interpret this love triangle: 1) the standard f/m way, and 2) the sapphic way.

i’ll refer to the three people as betty, james, and august. i know august isn’t necessarily the narrator of august’s name ... but it works as a name and it’s a pretty name and i like it so there.

interpretation 1: the standard f/m/f love triangle

betty is a girl and james is a boy. this is kind of the most obvious/easy interpretation, because james is typically a boy’s name. and skateboards (‘one time i was riding on my skateboard’) and levis (‘dancing in your levis’), while not unambiguously masculine by any means, kind of hint at a boy ... if taylor was trying to make it obvious that james is a girl, she could easily be more obvious by mentioning more typically/obviously feminine things.

betty and james are a couple. it went wrong at a school dance (‘your favourite song was playing / from the far side of the gym’). james either refused to go to the dance in the first place (but somewhat changed his mind and ended up arriving partway through it), or attended but was standoffish and reluctant to dance/hang out with betty (‘i was nowhere to be found / i hate the crowds’). maybe they were already having a rough patch and that’s also why he didn’t go to the dance.

betty is upset because obviously she wants her boyfriend to attend the dance with her and spend time with her and dance and all. but james doesn’t. so she dances with another boy (‘plus, i saw you dance with him’) because she’s lonely/upset and/or just wants to have fun at the school dance.

i’m imagining this other boy to be a friend of betty’s or maybe a romantic rival of james’s. maybe to betty he’s just a friend and she’s just trying to have fun at a dance after being ditched by james, or maybe betty views him as a potential romantic prospect and in a moment of weakness after being ditched at the dance by her boyfriend james, decides to dance with this other boy to feel better about herself ... maybe as a kind of petty revenge on james. who knows.

james sees betty dancing with the other boy and gets jealous and mad, interpreting this as something akin to cheating or at least some kind of betrayal. he leaves, and on his way home august pulls up in her car.

the line ‘a figment of my worst intentions’ suggest to me pretty strongly that james’s worst intentions at this moment are something like ‘i’m angry at betty for dancing with that other guy, i should get back at her by getting with another girl as revenge!’

and in this moment of weakness, august is there inviting him to go on a drive with her ... and he does. and this turns into a summer affair, where all through the month of august he basically ghosts/ignores betty and cheats on her a whole bunch with august.

i say cheating because of the line in august that goes ‘you were never mine to lose’ ... as in, she knows james isn’t her’s because he’s in a relationship with betty. august, as the ‘other woman’, has no claim on james. because he’s betty’s, not hers.

alternate version of this is that betty and james weren’t officially a couple, but rather ... they clearly were into each other romantically but hadn’t quite made it official yet, but then the drama at the school dance happens and james fucks off and has a summer fling with august. which isn’t exactly cheating per se because betty and james weren’t together but ... they both knew they liked each other so it’s still a big betrayal when james to suddenly get with august and spend summer with her instead.

that said, ‘i knew you’d miss me once the thrill expired’ suggests cheating to me ... the thrill of it being forbidden. (though arguably not-technically-cheating-but-ditching-your-love-for-someone-new could also be a thrill, just because it’s someone new...) 

betty hears rumours of james’s cheating/betrayal from inez and either breaks up with james (if they were together officially) or essentially cuts him off (if they weren’t). james has massive regrets and shows up at betty’s party to try and win her back.

interpretation 2: the sapphic love triangle

in terms of basic storyline, this interpretation is pretty much the same as the first one, in that james and betty were together in some way, then james ditches betty at a dance, she dances with a boy, james gets mad and in a fit of spite/vengeance gets with august and has a thing with her all summer long (possibly cheating, possibly not-technically-cheating-but-still-betrayal-of-a-sort) ... so i won’t rehash it further ... BUT in this version james is a girl.

cases in favour of james being a girl: 1) taylor swift, a woman, sings the song. makes sense that the narrator is therefore also female. 2) james and inez are the names of blake lively’s daughters. seems like a hint that james is a girl, then. 3) there’s actually nothing explicitly gendered about james except for the name ... in which case see point 2). 4) riding a skateboard and wearing levi’s fits pretty well for a sapphic girl ... as does black lipstick and sweatshirts.

i think both explanations are pretty plausible and i enjoy both of them ... but the sapphic one a little more because, well, obvious reasons. it’s more interesting/original and adds some more meaning to some lyrics that wouldn’t punch as hard if it were m/f, such as ‘will you kiss me on the porch / in front of all your stupid friends?’ -- it takes on a new layer: judgemental/homophobic friends

also this tidbit doesn’t fit in neatly to this very rambly thing i just wrote but i wanna say, ‘a friend to all is a friend to none’ suggests to me that when james first got in august’s car, it was because james wanted to hang out in a platonic way (at least that’s what they tell themselves/betty) and then it turned romantic/sexual ... and it could also suggest that when betty first became aware of august, she knew/suspected that august had a thing for james but james told her ‘nah, august is just a friend, and i want to keep hanging out with her because i want to keep being friends with her’. 

anyway. just wanted to get that out there. 

these songs are excellent and the album is excellent.

[aharris00britney]

ASKS 16

haha remember in July when I said I was gonna answer stuff every month... yeah me neither 🙈🙈 anyways lots of stuff under the cut

Anonymous said: You should get along with other Simblrs and start a new cc group now that PTS is disbanded, your hairs and clothes are always amazing! :D

Firstly thank you! Most of the clothing in AxA is 99% ayoshi with me going in after and cleaning/adding some stuff. So I give him props for the clothes :P As far as a ‘new PTS’ style group idk, there are a lot of amazing creators on simblr but I think the reason PTS was such a special thing is because the bond they all had. I feel that when working on collabs with some of my really close friends (such as the one coming out this month with @dogsill​ and @ayoshi​) because we have known each other for over 2 years now. A group of friends built only for collabing purposes would be more of a hassle than an enjoyment imo. <3

Anonymous said: HELLLOOOO! just curious bc why not but what is your favorite creation that you have made??

It varies every month to be honest lmao. If you asked me to pick a favorite hair from each month? Easy, always the last release of the month. But favorite hair ever? Awwww shucks 🤠 lmao I would say my Madison Hair is one of my favorite hair releases, I am planning to revamp it soon to work with my Mia ombre accessories and tidy the mesh up some. 

Anonymous said: hello, when will this collection be free for public download please? /post/186706149526/patreon-08-19

That came out in August luv, go to my downloads page and click AxA 2019

Anonymous said: Hi! Idk if you do wcif!!!! But if you do, wcif the freckles on the girl with the short hair on the BOP AHOOB collab?? If you know! Thank you much in advance!!!!!

Hey! You’ll need to send Bowl-Of-Plumbobs a message for that WCIF, that was his Sim otherwise I would link you. Sorry hun

@lumalinrose-sims​ said: Not a question, but you are like so cool I can't even--

thank you lmao I appreciate it, your profile pic it pretty cool :P

@ang3lba3 said: sarah is so pretty!!! is there a way to download how she looks in its entirety, or no? (sorry if this is a silly question im pretty new to the sims) 

not silly don’t worry :P the Sarah hair is for download on the post, the sim can be downloaded here but she is a bit outdated as I have changed her somewhat since then. 

Anonymous said: Hihi just stopping by to tell you how much I love your hairs!!

thank you so much! I appreciate the love<3

Anonymous said: hi! i just wanted to say that i love your cc so much i and always look forward to your posts! you make the cutest cc ever and honestly you're probably my favorite cc maker. you also seem like such a chill and genuine person we truly stan.

fgvhbjn thank you lmao I am literally TOO CHILL irl lmao I let people run over me so much but it’s whatever. Thank you again for the super sweet message. Have a great day if you’re reading this :)

Anonymous said: Heeeey we have the same name

Austin club :P great name til you’re trying to sign something and it looks awful (at least for me I can’t do my signature for shit)

Anonymous said: the collab with bop is so boring and dull it’s drier than a cracker it’s a no from me

well not everything is going to be someones cup of tea lmao I’m sure there is someone that enjoys it which counters you’re negative view <3

Anonymous said: Hi I love your cc! I have almost all of it in my game and I love your tropical punch palette so much I was wondering if you would ever consider releasing the palette.

If I ever make an ombre accessory tutorial video I will release a set of actions for the palette. If you wanna use the palette feel free to grab the hex codes from S4S.

Anonymous said: How did you become a ea game changer? Was it through Tumblr or youtube?

About a year ago SimGuruKate was the community manager and had applications for Tumblr Game Changers, I applied and got accepted. Follow SimGuruFrost on Twitter to stay up to date on when new applications are open.

Anonymous said: Are you going to upload the hair you made on your livestream? I literally love your work and am a Patreon subscriber!!!

Hey! The hair will be in my October voting (I think) and if it wins, release will be November. If it doesn’t win I will put it in November voting and so forth til it wins. Also thank you for watching the stream and supporting me on Patreon 

Anonymous said: hello!! i just wanted to see if knew is there’s anyway i can save my cc and save files somehow where i can download them again if my computer breaks so i don’t have to download it all again.?

zip your Sims 4 folder and upload it to Google Drive/SimsFileShare/OneDrive. Then when you install Sims 4 again you just replace the folder made in Electronic Arts in your Documents.

Anonymous said: what face do you make when your in love with a bee?

this is an old anon so I doubt they’re gonna check for this, and I can’t find the joke on Google so.... anybody know it?

Anonymous said: i love these collab sets they are honestly gifts from above

mhmm gifts from above for every collab except those in October... those are from below  👹 😳

Anonymous said: the pack is sooooo cute i love everything omg!!!! The male stuff is so adorable i can’t wait to download   

Anonymous said: you guys are the only ones i go to for packs i would love to see build buy items in the future we don’t get a lot mm stuff like that

Anonymous said:i just want to say thank you for putting in so much time and hard work and dedication to creating cc for us. i hope there's never a moment when you feel unappreciated, and i want you to know we all love you!

@primadonnaliferiseandfall​ said: all hail you and ayoshi for the cc pack its so pretty omg!!!!

Anonymous said: omg the kings have delivered!!

Anonymous said: since we got axa 2019 and 2018 will there be an axa 2020? 👀

Anonymous said: Great job on the pack! Everyone's items look gorgeous! Thank you for making this, you talented human being.

Anonymous said: ilysm! that’s all 💓💫

Anonymous said: just wanted to let you know that your content is absolutely amazing and i love it all :) sending love from the uk👍

Anonymous said: would you and ayoshi consider sharing the psds for some of the stuff in your collab? please?

thank you guys so much! Me and Ayoshi were super super happy with the AxA 2019 release and we are so happy with how many people have liked it. AxA 2020 will be a thing, yes. Also I have been working on PSDs that are super easy to navigate. I will get those up soon hopefully.

@graphicpickles​ said: Hey um, I dont know if you were aware of this but your discord link is broken ^^"

hey! this is super late sorry, discord link should be working now. If not: https://discord.gg/CtQR9tb

Anonymous said: Why would you include a cc hair in a preview for a cas review

because I liked the hair and wanted to use it 😗

@goddesssimmerina​ said: I just stopped by to tell you how much I LOVE your content. *_* I just went through and downloaded soooo much! xD I actually just switched to using MM hair and i'm so glad I did because I'm finding so many of you amazing creators and I thank you all sm! :*

awe thank you!! I appreciate it. Welcome to MM hair world :P

@moonbrightsims said: whats ur origin id?

AHarris00Britney

Anonymous said: how are your photos/screenshots so high quality? seriously, do you use a mod for it or idk editing? or maybe your settings?

Ultra Settings, and I use SRWE for HQ pics. 

Anonymous said: if you don’t answer this ask you’re straight

It has been answered. I am no longer straight. Was a hard two months not answering this 😔😔😔

Anonymous said: Hi, would you mind teaching us how you make the LoDs of your hairs? I opened one of them in S4S and found out your LoDs are great looking. I use decimate tool in blender and they look really bad.

I edge split everything before I decimate in Blender, I also delete the hairline and extrude the mesh inside the head before decimating as well. Really confusing to explain in words sorry. Might make a tutorial.

Anonymous said: omg ur cc finds blog has apink namjoo as icon and header. i'm.. sCREAMING. austin knows royalty

yes ma’am now where is the comeback

- it was at this point I realized I have caught up with my last asks post and have answered 4 things over again from Asks 15. Well... I guess that’s it folks

see yall in asks 17 in 2 months.... maybe the end of October idk

[jeebsy]

Titanfall 2 Titan Guide Part 1

I’m back again with another guide. If you are new to Titanfall, welcome! This is a somewhat extensive overview of each Titan & how to use them against other players. I am not the best player out there but I’ve played enough and have a good understanding of each titan. Hopefully at least some of you will find this guide useful. See you on the frontier pilots!

Feel free to add your own tips or correct me if you think I’ve made a mistake.

Because of just how long this got I’ve split this guide up into 3 parts. This is Part 1 which will go over the Atlas Chassis Titans ‘Ion’ and ‘Tone’ and the Vanguard Chassis Titan ‘Monarch’.

Below the cut because this is long.

First I’ll say there is no be all end all way to play the titans. Most if not all titan kits are useful in certain situations and as such you should experiment with each to find what works for you. I’ll be giving my recommendations for kits and explaining my choices at the end of each titans segment.

I’ve split each Titan up into 6 sections, going over (in order):

"Titan Name:" Quick overview & what to learn first with that Titan to get good.

Using them Against Pilots

Using them Against Titans.

Their Core.

General Tips/Tricks

My recommended Titan Kit.

Monarch: One of the more complicated titans to use, Monarch is a great pick and my personal favourite. IMO she may be the best Titan in the game. First things first, learn when to use her 'Rearm' Ability. This ability turns her from a faster baby Legion, into a power house in her own right (As well as her core but we will get to that later). By using it, you replenish her other 2 abilities & her dashes. This is amazing & so versatile, I don't even know where to begin. Use it for a burst of damage with 2 'Rocket Salvos', use it to gain 2 charges of shield with 'Energy Siphon', use it to get in close & engage, use it to disengage. Hell, use it to make a pizza & pick the kids up for after school hangouts, the thing is so darn versatile! Personally, I like to use it when I'm engaging. Dash up, 'Energy Siphon' to get some shields, 'Rocket Salvo' my target for damage, Rearm & 'Rocket Salvo' for some more damage, & then depending on the titan I'm fighting & their health, Either keep the pressure up by firing & then 'Energy Siphon' to stay alive & get the kill, or retreat with 'Energy Siphon' to stay alive & run away. 

Against pilots: Monarch has a lot of tools at her disposal. The 'X0-16 Chaingun' is an amazing pilot killer if you can land your shots, as it's 3 shots to kill a pilot. 'Rocket Salvo' is also good, as the splash damage from it is usually enough to kill any pilot in it's vicinity. Keep your distance from pilots though, as Monarch has no defensive options to mitigate damage besides building up shield. 'Energy Siphon' doesn't grant a lot of shield from pilots (Enemy Drop ships, Reapers & Titans do, however). So keep the range, & eliminate the pesky flies with your 'Chaingun'.

Against Titans: Monarch is a beast. Even without any upgrades, she is able to hold her own against most of the cast, granted she has a way out. Like Northstar, Monarch requires a lot of cover & poking tactics to deal bits of damage to the enemy. 'Energy Siphon' + 'X0-16 Chaingun' makes this tactic work well, as you can stun them & get a few shots off before the enemy titan has a chance to properly engage you. Keep an open escape route for her when she runs out of shields & let her abilities recharge before re-engaging. Her gun is good but not the strongest, so she relies on getting critical hits against other titans more often than not. Wash, Rinse & Repeat for profit. She isn't a tanky titan until you get her cores going, so keep her alive & do some damage here and there.

'Upgrade Core' is quite possibly the best core in the game. It turns a mediocre to average titan at best, to the best unit in the game in only 3 short payments of 100% Core Build Time. Not only does she get an upgrade to her abilities, but she gets a full bar of shields on top of it + Upgrades can stack with each other, leading to some sick combos! Lets break it down; each core has 3 upgrade paths possible, & depending on what you pick will affect your play style.

TIER 1 has 'Arc Rounds' & 'Missile Rack'. 'Energy Rack' isn't important unless you are playing with friends, or want to be a nice guy. 'Arc Rounds' allow a monarch to have extra ammo in her 'Chaingun' & it will drain 'Vortex Shield' & 'Heat Shield' of an Ion & Scorch respectively. BUT the best part of it? It deals more damage to shields. This may seem like a nice little effect, but Shields are more durable than most people realize at first, & this one perk basically negates that advantage completely. (It also increases damage against Particle Walls and Gun Shields. Same as vs normal Shields, +50% damage.) 'Missile Rack' is also respectable, as it doubles the amount of rockets fired from 'Rocket Salvo'. This makes 'Rocket Salvo' pack 2 punches! Very fun to use :)

TIER 2! All 3 options are good here. 'Energy Field' is situational & can stack with 'Energy Rack', so it is somewhat useful in Frontier Defense, but not as much in multiplayer. It will grant shields for every target you hit, so it is possible to gain full shields with a single Siphon. Likewise, you can shield multiple friendly titans when combined with Energy Transfer but setting up those conditions is all down to luck. It is Good for stunning groups of enemy Titans though. 'Rearm and Reload' + 'Maelstorm' are both decent upgrades. If you want a longer ranged Monarch, I recommend the former, as it will allow you to keep up Baby AGGRESSIVE SUSTAINED COUNTER-FIRE on enemies, & increase your DPS with the 'X0-16 Chaingun'. If you are more close quarters & want lots of damage quick, go with 'Maelstorm'. It will tear enemy titan health up like no other tomorrow, as well as decimate any pilot foolish enough to try & steal your battery. It's very good against Scorch & Legion as well, as their slow maneuverability doesn't let them escape. Combine 'Maelstorm' with a well timed 'Energy Siphon' to keep enemy titans stuck in the smoke.

TIER 3! This is where all of the power in Monarch lies. These abilities are fantastic in their own regards, but combine them with previous tiers & you have a monster. To start off, 'Superior Chassis' turns Monarch into the embodiment of death itself. With no weak point spots & 2 extra health bars, Monarch becomes a monster & can stay alive a lot longer. Combine this with her kit 'Energy Thief', & she is hands down the best & hardest to kill titan in game. This pairs well with 'Missile Racks' & 'Maelstorm', as your increased health allows you to play close quarters against the rest of the cast & decimate any one of them with intense damage output. The other noteworthy choice is 'X0-16 Accelerator' which turns your Chaingun into a DPS machine. This upgrade is for those who want to sit back a bit more & engage at a distance, as the upgrade increases damage & the fire rate for the Accelerator. Combined with 'Arc Rounds' & 'Rearm and Reload', & Monarch has a higher DPS output than Legions 'Predator Cannon'! Congratulations, your baby Monarch has now become a Legion! "AGGRESSIVE SUSTAINED COUNTER-FIRE!" Awe look, her first words!

TIER INFINITE! After Tier 3, Monarch can keep getting her core, but it will only replenish her shields + give you an 'Electric Smoke'. This allows her to still be able to stay in the fight & replenish her shields. A good strategy is to save a core, & when your shields run out during an engagement, pop the core & boom! Full shields once again. This can keep Monarch alive for a lot longer than intended.

General Tips:

If you are first to drop with her, or only one on the map/far away from combat, use her 'Energy Siphon' on enemy drop ships to gain some shields back.

Rocket Salvos serve 3 uses: 1) directly after melees, as the recovery time to bring X0-16 back up after one is long, 2) to get that last hit and doom or kill a titan when you ran out of bullets, or 3) to break Particle defensives.

Monarch's rapid acquisition of Electric Smoke from her repeated usage of Core Abilities, means that utilising Electric Smoke as a genuine smokescreen is a genuine potential tactic for retreating Monarchs. You can also use it offensively paired with maelstrom. Smoke also stacks so dropping 3 at once will melt a Titan.

Kit Recommendations:

Titan Kit: Overcore or Turbo Engine.

Overcore is a no brainer. Start with 20% core charge allows you to get your 1st core a lot quicker. Pair with the ‘Battery Back-up’ boost for the best effect.

Turbo Engine gives monarch 2 dash charges and paired with your rearm ability allows you to dash 4 times allowing amazing amounts of mobility.

Monarch Kit: Energy Thief or Rapid Rearm.

Energy Thief is super powerful. It allows you to gain your upgrade cores 10% faster and every time you execute a Titan you gain a battery thus increasing survivability. This is my personal pick.

Rapid Rearm reduces the cooldown of rearm so you can spam your abilities more often.

Titanfall Kit: Drop Shield

Only two choices for this and it’s more a preference thing. Drop Shield gives you a nice safety area to retreat to if you need it.

Build Suggestions:

All Purpose Build:

Core Upgrade 1: Arc Rounds/Missile Racks

Core Upgrade 2: Maelstrom

Core Upgrade 3: Superior Chassis

Healer Build:

Core Upgrade 1: Energy Transfer

Core Upgrade 2: Energy Field

Core Upgrade 3: X0-16 Accelerator

Ion: If you want to play laser baby herself, the first thing you gotta learn is how to manage her energy. It shows up as a bar to the left of the reticle, & depletes when you use her abilities + alt fire 'Splitter Rifle'. Using her 'Splitter Rifle' from the "hip" is the only one that doesn't eat energy.

Against Pilots: Fighting pilots with her is very easy. First off, her 'Laser shot' is a hitscan ability, meaning you just aim for the pilot directly & zap em. If you miss with that, her alt fire 'Splitter Rifle' will deal massive damage with the split beams to pilots, making quick work of them. 'Vortex Shield' will protect her from almost every pilot weapon, so keep it out to protect her health against enemy Anti-Titan weapons & ordinance. Once the enemy needs to reload, wait for them to appear to take them out with said methods above.

Against Titans: At first, it can be a bit difficult to learn. She doesn't have great damage output, so you have to play a bit more passive/defensive against most of the other big boys & girls. 'Splitter rifle' is far from the best gun against other Titans, due to it's low damage output. Use it to do bits of damage to your enemies when they are out of cover & not paying attention to you. Don't expect to destroy a Titan with it, your abilities will do that for you. 'Vortex Shield' is her best friend, & will catch almost everything thrown at her, from Legions army of bullets, to Northstars tether traps & so on. DON'T USE IT AS A CRUTCH THOUGH! I have killed numerous Ions & been killed as Ion for simply holding the shield up even when the enemy isn't shooting, just to protect my Titan. Don't make that mistake. Use it when you see the enemy shooting, & put it away when they are not. You will save energy in the short run, & health in the long run. 'Tripwires' are very effective against other Titans as well, yet they cost a bit of energy. However, if you are fighting a CQC Titan like Ronin &/or Scorch, place those suckers down to keep the space. 'Laser Shot' is useful IF you land crits. Otherwise, it uses precious energy which could be better used for Vortex. She doesn't struggle too much with the others until she runs out of energy. Before that happens, try to create some space & get to safety to let it safely reload. IF you do run out of energy, try to focus your 'Splitter Rifle' on the enemies critical spots for extra damage, & make a tactical retreat. You can still use 'Vortex Shield' when almost out of energy, but it will be very weak & constantly dying on you.

'Laser Core' is an amazingly strong core if your opponent is in the open. Because you slow to a snails pace, you need to catch your opponent where they have everywhere to run, but nowhere to hide. This will then proceed to destroy them to kingdom come. It has no limit on range, so you can snipe enemy Titans, Pilots, Grunts, Ticks, Etc. from anywhere on the map, as long as you have line of sight! So save it when the opportunity presents itself. You can also dash as the core starts up, so use that to position yourself properly (Like popping around a corner to stare down a hallway, jump out of cover on an enemy, etc.)

General Tips: 

Similar to Northstar the best playstyle for Ion is a more passive style, with you peeking around cover to fire a laser shot and then retreating until it is off cooldown. 

Regardless of how the animation plays the ‘laser core’ comes out of the player camera which is closer to the top of the Titan model. You can use this to shoot opponents over a lot of cover, effectively ‘head glitching’.

Even though they are called trip-wires and again regardless of how they look, your trip-wire ability act more like proximity mines with a very large blast zone. They will also do full damage regardless of whether you hit an opponent with one or all of the mines.

Kit Recommendations:

Titan Kit: Overcore

Ion doesn’t really need any of the other choices and you can’t go wrong with starting with 20% core charge.

Ion Kit: Entangled Energy or Zero-Point Tripwire

Entagled Energy can be useful to keep your energy up if you can land crits.

Zero-Point Tripwire is my personal pick as it allows you to place your tripwires without using energy, effectively giving you free damage.

Titanfall Kit: Drop Shield

Only two choices for this and it’s more a preference thing. Drop Shield gives you a nice safety area to retreat to if you need it.

Tone: The easiest Titan to use, & for good reason. She is a solid Titan all around, & can easily exceed any offensive or defensive strategies used by you. First thing to learn is her 'Tracker Cannon'. This thing will destroy pilots in one hit, & has splash damage to boot with it. Learn how to aim with it, because like Northstar, it takes some time getting used to & mastering. It will also cause a lock on to any armored enemy (Reapers, Titans & Dropships). This is very important when using her to damage opponents.

Against Pilots:  Tone is one of the best. Once you master her 'Tracker Cannon', enemy pilots will stand no chance. Don't spam the shots though, as tempting as it may be. Line them up, as Tone has a hefty reload to go through, which pilots will take advantage of. Her 'Particle Wall' is great for protecting her while she reloads, & great for keeping her safe against pilot ordinance & Anti-Titan weapons. Use her 'Sonar Lock' as well to pinpoint where pilots are. You can use her splash damage to clean up any pilot who managed to limp away behind a wall or inside a building.

Against Titans:  Tone is solid against most of the cast, but can struggle here and there. Your main damage output is going to be from your tracking rockets. So the first goal is to lock onto your opponent with 3 pings. This can be done from direct hits with the 'Tracker Cannon', splash damage from it, or a ping of the 'Sonar Lock'. If you are fighting another pesky Titan that uses a shield or wall (Scorch, Legion & Tone), you can use your 'Tracker Cannons' splash damage to still get a lock on by shooting the ground near them. This isn't really effective against Ion though, due to the size of her 'Vortex Shield'. Once you are locked on, the enemy titan will know this & have a message saying they are. Less experienced players usually don't pay attention to this during all the chaos, so you can let them rip & they will die quickly to repeated barrages of this. Experienced players can usually dodge them with dashes or other defensive options though, so you need to be a bit more ambiguous against them. Try to stay safe behind your 'Particle Wall' as you exhaust your opponents abilities + dashes until you can keep locking on & damaging with your rockets. Your rockets can also go around walls if you aim them properly, so try & hit enemies as they retreat with them to keep the pressure up. Properly placing yourself before the fight is important though, as depending on the titan you are about to fight will require you to change the distance you engage. Scorch + Ronin + Legion = Long Range. Ion + Monarch = Medium Range. Northstar = Close range. This will make life a lot easier.

'Salvo Core'  is one of the best cores in the game. You can easily fire it at an opponent & watch them die. The rockets follow your reticle to wherever you are looking, making it very useful in plenty of situations. A good strategy is to fire it directly up into the air & then bombard your enemy with them like artillery. This ensures almost every rocket will hit, & while they are still worried about you, they won't be able to focus on the death above ready to spank their cheeks in. It's quick, versatile, & deadly.

General Tips: 

More experienced players will anticipate your tracking rockets so try and mix up when you unleash them to throw off opponents who count your hits. (E.g fire them soon as you lock on your first time, then your second lock fire a few more times before unleashing the rockets, then next lock fire one extra time after lock etc).

You can lock onto more then one target before firing your targeting rockets. However even though firing off like 30+ rockets looks cool you will be locked into the animation until all rockets are fired so keep that in mind.

Kit Recommendations:

Titan Kit: Overcore.

Whilst Tone can make good use out of the dash or double smoke kits, their salvo core is ridiculously powerful. As such starting with 20% core charge is the best option.

Tone Kit: Enhanced Tracker Rounds or Reinforced Particle Wall or Pulse Echo.

If you can reliably hit crits then enhanced tracker rounds can be really useful. It applies two locks per crit allowing tracking rockets to be fired more often and will make it harder for opponents to anticipate when you fire your rockets.

Reinforced Particle Wall increases duration and the amount of damage it can take. Great all round utility and for if you find yourself out of position often.

Pulse Echo is my personal pick. After a short delay your sonar pings a second time. This allows you to get another lock if engaged with a Titan and allows you to see targets through walls which is very powerful.

Titanfall Kit: Drop Shield

Only two choices for this and it’s more a preference thing. Drop Shield gives you a nice safety area to retreat to if you need it.

[cupidoargiades]

final warning

A/N - please click here for the full MX mafia masterlist. this will be shownu's chapter of the MX mafia series :) i had so much fun writing something so ... different ... for once. you'll see what i mean if you read it, but don't @ me if it's too much for you to handle: i don't put trigger warnings for nothing. thank you!

TW - imo, this thing is a disgusting abomination, so please don't take these warnings with a grain of salt: angst, gore, degradation, torture, dominance, physical pain, anxiousness, violence

NOTE - this will be your final warning, (no pun intended) proceed only if you're sure you're not (easily) triggered by any of the trigger warnings i wrote above. i tried my best to write down as many warnings as possible, just to make sure i don't accidentally trigger someone who just wants to read some angst. thank you for reading, and enjoy ... i guess ...

-

"unless you have my, and only my permission, never go to the basement."

those were the words shownu told you from the second you joined MX. it was pretty obvious what was going on down there; it wasn't called a torture chamber for nothing, but nonetheless you had always been curious. the urge of sneaking to the basement was growing bigger and bigger, as there was no sign of permission being given anytime soon; he didn't trust you that much yet. the curiosity started taking over your decisions, driving you crazy until the point that you couldn't help but try and go downstairs.

somewhere in the middle of the night, you stood in front of the basement door. you took a soft breath before placing your hand on the door handle, which sent shivers down your spine. it was oddly ice-cold, contrary to the other ones in the building.

pushing the handle down, you slowly opened the creaky door, and clicked the lights on. the staircase was dimly lit, and you walked downstairs, your feet now cold on the concrete floor. even before looking around, you felt a sense of fear and anxiety wash over you.

glancing over the dark walls, you took a shaky breath. rows and rows of weapons, different kinds of electrical cords and a shelf with tasers, knives and even some surgery equipment. a mental image of shownu using those weapons on a victim gave you the shivers, as a big freezer caught your attention.

it was dirty and stained. upon opening, you found many body parts of all sizes wrapped in thick, bloody plastic with a price tag on each bodypart. from hands and feet to femurs and hearts, you inspected them before pushing one package aside and spotting a full on head in there, skin turned pasty white with blue lips. you quickly recoiled and closed the freezer, noticing both your body and breath get shakier.

lastly, there was a big collection of papers. newspaper articles, email screencaptures and pictures of targets. the pictures of the people were by far the worst, a red cross over their face if they were assassinated. you tried to read one of the newspaper articles titled 'Five bodies found dead in downtown Seoul' but you were interrupted by the door aggresively slamming shut.

your breathing hitched as the clicky sounds of footsteps came closer. freezing in your spot with your back towards the staircase, a warm hand covered your mouth as another squeezed your neck, making it hard for you to breathe. "what'd i tell you?" he said clearly. you now realized it was shownu, which was both a big comfort and a intimidating threat; maybe the biggest one you'd experience in your life.

with shaky breathing you tried to turn your head to him, but he turned your face away from him again. "answer me, you worthless piece of shit! what'd i fucking tell you?!" you hesitated once more before he abused the control of your breathing by squeezing his hand tighter. your hands reached the one wrapped around your neck as you tried pulling it away, but you failed miserably.

"y-you told me to not go here- unless i was allowed to.." you whimpered, as he let go of you entirely. you collapsed on the floor, trying to catch your breath. he grabbed your wrists and dragged you to the chair in the middle of the room, making you cry out for help.

"shownu- please..! no- i only wanted to-" "i don't care, you whore" he interrupted you carelessly as he kept you in your seat, tying your hands behind your back tightly, followed by your ankles that were now secure against the chair. you softly whimpered and let your head hang down. you disobeyed him, and now you were about to suffer the consequences.

"why me..?" you softly said, just above a whisper. "because you didn't listen to what i said. and bad girls get punished." he simply said, cracking a smile before leaning down to your face. "and in my mind, punishments are the same as torture." he whispered.

"see those weapons on the wall? you've had a bit of time to inspect them, haven't you? how about you pick one." he suggested, walking over to the wall as he ran his fingers over some of the weapons' sharp blades or edges. "these cords are my favourite," he said, grabbing hold of two electrical wires. "but maybe that's a bit too... harsh for you" he said. "you're way too fucking dainty and delicate for that.. disgusting"

scared to death, you barely managed to even see the weapon wall, thanks to your tears blocking the view. "come on, clio, pick a toy for us to play with" he said innocently, yet sounding so threatening. "or- do you want me to pick? what an honour.. i can choose what to abuse you with? it's like christmas..!"

his eerie laughter gave you goosebumps as he took the cardboard box of surgery equipment. "all right, these should be fun.. wanna get an overdose? maybe you'd like a skin transplantation or- ooh- look at this, your nails pulled out.." he said softly, looking at his options before taking a rusted pair of pliers.

"say goodbye to your pretty, pretty nails, clio" he said, putting the box back on the shelf as he went behind you to reach your bound hands. "first up, the left ring finger.. always a disappointment for the person you're gonna marry.." he said, placing the pliers on the white part of your nail and pulling softly.

you tried to scream for help once more before he told you nobody, even if they heard you, would come and help. "not even that softie i.m. will come and get you, he's too scared of me. scared to mess with me. you should learn a few things from him, hm?" "please- i beg you- s-s.. stop!" you cried out, before he pulled a little harder. you prepared for the big moment, but it never came.

a loud clanging noise filled the room as the pliers hit the floor. his hand harshly met your neck as you flinched. "i hope that's gonna do the job of showing you why you should never come down here."

you now noticed you had been holding your breath the entire time, making you pant once he finished his sentence. "oh my god- thank you..! thank you, thank you, thank you.." you said, swallowing some thick saliva that formed from the fear you had a while ago as he untied your wrists, and then your ankles.

at first you were relieved he didn't actually do anything, but then the anger kicked in. "wh- why did you fucking do that..?!" you said, raising your voice as you tried to catch your breath. "couldn't you just- tell me to leave?! what if you actually ripped out my nails, you douchebag-" you said, jolting at him to kick him, punch him, smack him; anything to let out the anger.

before you could hit his stomach with your foot, he grabbed you by the ankle and floored you, your head bumping on the concrete floor after you fell. a dizziness filled your head, and shownu's tall figure was only made scarier thanks to the light behind him.

he noticed the fear in your eyes after he saw you crawling away, back now flush against the wall. "look- i'm not as bad as i seem, i promise. i just don't trust you yet. i have to show you i'm not one to fuck with, and you should never take my words with a grain of salt."

you couldn't say anything. for the second time that night, you were frozen in your spot. he patted your shoulder and gave you a heartwarming smile. "come on, get back to bed. you're gonna need it" he said with a chuckle before pulling you back on your feet.

eyes wide, he took you upstairs, where the boys were waiting in their pajamas. "is this what you woke us up for..?" i.m asked quietly, yawning as he wiped the sleep out of his eyes. he was quickly silenced by shownu gawking at him, before kihyun stepped forward to place a hand on your shoulder.

"your neck's all red.. and what's with your head..? let's do something about that, alright?" he said, taking you to the kitchen where he grabbed a cooling gel and an ice pack out of the refrigerator before leaving alone so you could calm down after all that had happened.

they quietly bickered outside of the kitchen, and you carefully listened in. "hyunwoo- what did you do to her..? she flinched when i put some cooling gel on her neck.. what if she takes revenge on you?" kihyun said in a disappointed tone. shownu only stammered a quick "i told her not to go into the basement, yet she did. she has to know doesn't need to mess with me or she'll get hurt. besides, a girl as delicate as her can't even be angry at me without getting scared off in two seconds."

hyungwon started to scold him too, trying not to raise his voice. "she's killer at aiming guns, you know, literally. be careful what you wish for, hyunwoo, because you just might get it."

wonho looked around before spotting your head peeped around the corner. he quickly walked over to you before someone else noticed and took you by the upper arms. "stop eavesdropping, clio, you're gonna get yourself killed.. please go back to bed, i'll make you some breakfast tomorrow, okay? 9 am, i'll see you downstairs.."