#which is great because I've done everything short of a human sacrifice up to this point. it's been a problem for over a year.

[torchickentacos]

My local bestbuy tech support counter is shockingly competent and wonderful. Over the summer there was the thing I posted about with my phone battery and the employee who drove to the next town over to get a new battery since they didn't have one for my old phone model. And THIS time, my wifi card was loose in my computer and he was like 'okay well it might come loose again because [xyz slightly-damaged but functional part], and even though it's fixed for now, I'd feel bad for charging you about it when it's not a full replacement so don't worry about it'. so shoutout to my local bestbuy again

[kyogre-blue]

In a big rush, I've caught up to RDCH manhwa, up to chapter 92.

There's a lot that happened. As always, the pace is breakneck, haha. Anyway, there's a few points I wanted to note.

First, I appreciate the respect for just punching someone in the face. This is why I respect SQH the most as Lostbelt King, because at the end of LB3, they go to punch it out with Chaldea. Here, in chapter 85, Hugo punches it out with Taurus and it's great. And then, Libra also eventually resorts to just directly punching Lee Geon, which is hilarious.

Speaking of Libra, she's done a bang up job as a villain. Very funny that she stripped at the end to the same level as Lee Geon. Even her top! In general, I feel like... this manhwa really has a foot fetish. The guys always lose their shirts, sure, but they also lose everything below the knee too, only keeping their hulk modesty shorts. But you also get Yooha losing her boots, while her jeans are otherwise fine, so it feels like they just really wanted to get her barefoot lol (Speaking of Yooha, I wonder if they're going to circle back to the evil god in her arms, or if this is it and it'll be considered that she's gotten control of it.)

Speaking of Hugo, the first couple chapters after the manhwa restarted were quite rough, since it was more flashbacks of Suffering(tm). Hugo really lives a different genre than everyone else sometimes, rip. I do like how he goes wild against Taurus. He and Lee Geon are very similar sometimes. They can have a similar mean sense of humor, and occasionally Hugo enjoys battle in a similar way.

There were also some moments for Yooha, Steven, Kevin... feels like a fairly okay support cast, which I like. Though of course, Lee Geon is the only useful one, haha

That said, the big ending for the Libra arc felt pretty cohesive. I can't really complain about the direction.

There are several interesting points that were elucidated. First, Lee Geon's moral compass is sometimes a bit hard to pin down, but he pretty directly states what he is opposed to: disregarding "the safety of others." Everything else is whatever, but people shouldn't be put in danger meaninglessly.

(In my fanfic concept development, this would mean... you can tell he loses it if he puts innocent people in danger. But for additional consideration, Lee Geon is not at all shy about going to down on anyone who crosses him and directly threatens murder in the novel. So you could say him losing it would come from the direction of starting to see innocent people as having wronged him. Hehehe)

Second, there's an interesting... hm, undercurrent? that is introduced here. Steven says that he is willing to sacrifice "everything Leo has accumulated" because otherwise humanity will lose "everything they've accumulated" in bold text. At the same time, Libra tries to claim that this world belongs to the divine gods, while "Baron Helmet" said the same for the unknown civilization when they invaded. There's this concept of accumulating resources or taking them by force.

Third, they also bring up several times that "the weak don't even get the right to choose" and "only the strong get to ask questions," which... is certainly in line with a battle series, but... yeah. Yooha does angle Leo's ideal of the strong survive as "the strong have a duty to protect the weak," and in a sense, all the weak people "choose" Lee Geon, which you can interpret as flashback Steven being wrong. But still... it's all good to say that Ophiuchus respects those who are willing to put everything on the line to become stronger, but most people simply do not have the necessary potential or opportunity. All they can do is choose who to pray to, but this assumes that there is a good choice to begin with. It's all a kind of concept that I don't really like, though I won't say that it's incoherent or anything.

Anyway, all that said, the last chapter for now is really something. Ah, Lee Geon making that face, damn... We finally see him get a bit stripped down emotionally. Yes, give me that backstory to add to my Lee Geon microwave spinning.

[catholicartistsnyc]

Meet: Laura Pittenger

LAURA PITTENGER is a NYC-based writer and director, and a Catholic Artist Connection board member. (www.laurapittenger.com)

CATHOLIC ARTIST CONNECTION (CAC): What brought you to NYC, and where did you come from?

LAURA PITTENGER (LP): I graduated from Ball State University (go Cards) in 2012 with a degree in theatre production and moved here almost immediately from Fort Wayne, Indiana. I have known I wanted to live in New York City since a high school drama club trip. Living here has shattered my illusions about what it would be like, but I think in some ways the reality is better than the fantasy. I never knew New York was so diverse and fascinating outside Manhattan, but I've really fallen in love with the entire East Coast at this point.

CAC: How do understand your vocation as a Catholic artist? Do you call yourself a Catholic artist? 

LP: In mixed company, I call myself a theater artist, or a Catholic, but not often both. When I get to introduce myself as such, it is a real joy, because that’s a much more complete picture of who I am. I think it's a label that is often maligned and misunderstood, but I don't make it a personal mission to correct every single person's presumptions about what it means. I try to let my work speak for itself. I couldn't have the ideas I do about life and being human if I weren't a Catholic, and it shines through everything I create, whether I like it or not. (I think that's the Holy Spirit. Right?)

CAC: Where have you found support in the Church for your vocation as an artist?

LP: Being on the board of Catholic Artist Connection, while it has been a lot of work, has also been so faith-building and rewarding and communal. Because I have not often found the support I need as a Catholic artist in the church proper - aside from individual priests and friends, who have been lifesavers - I want to make it my mission to be that open door for other Catholic artists. This is something I believe the laity can do and can do well. 

CAC: Where have you found support among your fellow artists for your Catholic faith?

LP: It really depends. Some people can see that the theater is a place where diverse creatures gather to present and grapple with interesting questions, and that gives them the curiosity to explore what it means to be a Catholic during this strange period of history. Some people aren't yet in that frame of mind, and that's okay. If I can be Christ to them, that's what I care about, and that's in my power to do. I'm actually embarking on a process with Project Y Theatre right now where I'm going to be doing a short adaptation of a piece by Hrotsvitha of Gandershaim, a Catholic religious sister who wrote plays in the 10th century, of all things. 

CAC: How can the Church be more welcoming to artists?

LP: By supporting groups like the Catholic Artist Connection! 

CAC: How can the artistic world be more welcoming to artists of faith?

LP: Ask more questions about faith instead of relying on pat and easy answers. Let religion appear onstage as more than a punchline or punching bag. Let's have stories about religious persons struggling, yes, but let's also have stories about them thriving in religious communities. We could all benefit from that kind of open-mindedness.

CAC: Where in NYC do you regularly find spiritual fulfillment? Do you recommend any particular parishes?

LP: I attend a parish in Queens - reach out to me directly if you want more specifics. Otherwise, in Manhattan, I'll recommend a few parishes that stand out:

St. Francis of Assisi is fantastic, very welcoming, diverse community, and caters to so many marginalized people.

If you want spectacle and the Seat of Everything in NYC, St. Patrick's Cathedral.

I have a special place in my heart for the Dominicans over at St. Vincent Ferrer, it was one of the first churches I attended regularly in the city. You might see a few familiar faces at the noon mass, and sometimes the Sisters of Life go there.

If you want to go to an 11pm mass in Times Square, check out the The Actor's Chapel/St. Malachy's. It's quite something. They have actors and singers galore so the liturgy is pretty beautiful.

St. Ignatius Loyola is a BEAUTIFUL Jesuit parish on Park Avenue, and the music is out of this world good.

CAC: Where in NYC do you regularly find artistic fulfillment?

LP: I have done a lot of work with Turn to Flesh Productions with my good friend Emily C. A. Snyder. I've worked with a lot of companies, some of which have moved away or developed into other companies - such is the nature of the theater!

To get inspired, I visit new places in the city. There are always new places to go. There are still neighborhoods I've never even set foot in and I've been here since 2012.

I read about 50 books a year on average. You have to keep your mind moving so it doesn't get stagnant. And there are a lot of independent used bookstores in the city that you should DEFINITELY support. The Strand is an institution. And Heaven help us, when we get the Drama Bookshop back, you should support them, too.

I also took a class recently with the Brooklyn Institute for Social Research when they had one on "Bible as Literature." Take any class that you can afford. Sign up for Barnes and Noble alerts, they always have famous people come to read from their books in Union Square. 

CAC: What is your daily spiritual practice?

LP: I pray throughout the day. My prayer life is extremely simple, basic, and conversational. I spent a long time dealing with anxiety and depression, and I have found it best to just live in the silence with God. I expect a lot of myself by nature, and so my biggest challenge has been learning when to ease off and just know that I am loved by God. I find a lot of comfort in spiritual reading. Read Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke.

I'm self-conscious of the fact that it seems like I often do the bare minimum of what is expected of me as a Catholic, but my heart is at peace - most of the time. It helps to find a spiritual director or regular confessor who knows you well and can guide you when you're feeling lost, and it was important to me when I moved here that I find one quickly. He's busy, but he'll make time.

CAC: What is your daily artistic practice?

LP: When I was writing my novel I wrote several times a week, and it was a real pleasure. It's good sometimes to work on creative projects that are simply for fun, because it's easy to lose sight of your art as anything but hard work. But, in general, I try to be really protective of my time and energy. I wouldn't say I have a daily practice, but I am trying to get better at doing at least one creative thing a day, even if it's just composing funny dumb tweets. 

CAC: Describe a recent day in which you were most completely living out your vocation as an artist. What happened, and what brought you the most joy?

LP: A collective of playwrights including myself have been meeting regularly with the New Sanctuary Coalition at St. Francis Xavier Church in order to write plays based off the interviews the NSC does with immigrants living in the city. It’s been a salve to the soul to find a way to share those stories with the world, they are urgent stories for our times.

CAC: You actually live in NYC? How!?

LP: If you want to move here and are not sure what you want, or if you don't have a big budget or any credit, or some other reason why you don't want to or can't rent your own apartment right away, I recommend starting in a short-term sublet. I arranged a sublet on Facebook in the month before I first moved here, with a girl I hadn't met. I found a sublet group on Facebook, and I know Craigslist (although sketchy) does have sublet opportunities as well. Technically speaking not all subletting is "legal," but NYC subletting laws are pretty draconian. There are legal sublets out there but I can't speak for all of them. It's a little ridiculous, but only the strictest of landlords really seem to care. Just something to keep in mind.

I will be very candid with you - if one of your parents has a very high paying job, you'll be in much better shape to rent your own place. Oftentimes landlords want renters with a guarantor who makes anywhere from 40x to 90x the monthly rent.

If you can find a roommate, do it. Keep open lines of communication about what your priorities are in a living situation. Those things typically come down to:

1. Distance from the train/Manhattan/jobs 2. Space in the apartment 3. Personalities 4. Interest in the neighborhood

If your roommate has a parent who can be the guarantor, or one of yours can be, you will be in great shape to find your own place, even without jobs right away. If not, subletting is your best bet. Do NOT be afraid to speak openly and candidly with each other about finances. You have to be realistic. You have to be wise.

I live in a neighborhood in Queens called Astoria. I share a 3bed convert (meaning it's 2 bed with no living room now because we made it into a bedroom) with a big kitchen, a decent bathroom, and a great landlord. I pay around $900 every month for this, and I'm paying for proximity to the train, proximity to Manhattan (I can be in Times Square in 25 minutes if the trains are running on time), and space. The price jumps up at least $500 a share once you try to find a similar place like that in Manhattan. Yes, the prices are insane. The cheapest studios I see are somewhere around $1500 and you usually don't get much space for that money. The more roommates you have, the cheaper your rent can be, but you will have to sacrifice things like privacy and quiet.

When I first moved here, I paid $750 a month for one half of a 2 bedroom apartment in the same neighborhood, but the landlord was not great, and we had mice and heat problems. You really get what you pay for, and sometimes neighborhoods (like mine) get trendier every year.

I found both apartments with a local broker who knows the neighborhood, and I found her on Craigslist. This is not a blanket endorsement of Craigslist. If something seems too good to be true, it definitely is.

Stay away from Williamsburg, or anything off the L train for now. Look up where the train lines are going to be shut down for long periods of time, and don't move there. Good neighborhoods to look at for lower budgets:

Manhattan: Inwood, Washington Heights, Harlem, Queens: Sunnyside, East Elmhurst, Astoria, Long Island City Brooklyn: Bushwick, Crown Heights.

I don't know Brooklyn super well, honestly, but there are parts of Brooklyn that are still affordable. The ones I listed are all really vibrant and diverse communities, and if you want to be a part of them, they'll be glad to have you. If you have your heart set on Manhattan, you will be paying a lot more for a lot less convenience (longer walk to the store, higher prices, fewer laundromats), but you will have proximity to a lot of cool stuff. 

CAC: But seriously, how do you make a living in NYC?

LP: When I first moved here, I got a job at a hotel as a food runner and then a server by attending an open call I found on Craigslist. I also got a job as a host at a Times Square chain restaurant because I had friends who were working there at the time and got me an interview. Another friend recommended a temp agency to me. I got a decent amount of work through there. Basically, it's easier to get a job if you have an "in," but you may have to start at the bottom of the barrel and work your way up.

Some weeks I worked five days at the restaurant, one day at the temp job, and mornings at the house of an actor preparing for a one-man show he was doing. I had to keep really careful track of my paychecks and budget to make sure I would have enough for rent. I made sure I had a cushion of money in my checking account just in case I had an emergency.  

The hours will be long and frustrating and you might cry a lot, but if you can stick with it through the tough times, I promise you that you will be able to work anywhere in the world and do anything you want to do, because you did it in New York. Go to open calls. Make phone calls. Walk in and be ready to fill out an application in person, and ask to see the manager right away. Be proactive. Let the rush of energy and fear from being in a new place help you take action.

The one thing I will say is don't let the job become your whole life. There are so many things to see and do here, and you want to have the time to enjoy them. It's not just about survival, it's about living well, and about having time to work on your art. Now I have one job in due diligence, with benefits and healthcare, that allows me to work on my theater stuff, my real passion, in my spare time. I've been with that firm for a little over four years. 

CAC: How much would you suggest artists moving to NYC budget for their first year?

LP: I moved here with about $5k, and it took me about $3k to get settled over a period of three months. I lived out of suitcases but clawed my way into an apartment, and took it from there. I also talked to my parents to figure out what my "bailout" fund looked like, and they gave me a ballpark figure - if things ever got really bad, I knew I could call them, but there was a limit, so that encouraged me to stay frugal. I didn't consider that money part of my budget, just a little peace of mind - and I still haven't used it. (But keep in mind, this was in 2012, so adjust for inflation!)

CAC: What other practical resources would you recommend to a Catholic artist living in NYC?

LP: Apply for an IDNYC. It's a municipal (city) ID card that comes with yearlong museum memberships that you can sign up for via the website and it's also a valid ID card if you're somewhat irregular in your living situation - anyone who can prove residency, even homeless persons, can get one! Also, make www.broadwayforbrokepeople.com your bookmark for discounted play tickets. Most theaters have discount programs based on age. You can also try for lotto tickets using the TodayTix app. 

CAC: What are your top 3 pieces of advice for Catholic artists moving to NYC?

LP: 1. Go to Mass, every Sunday. Try out different parishes until you find one where you feel comfortable and welcome. We have so, so many and they are waiting for you to fill them up with your time and talents. If they are in your neighborhood, so much the better.

2. Invest in your neighborhood. Shop local. Get to know the community. Attend local events. You're going to meet people you'd never have met back home, and most of them won't be artists, or Catholic - although some might be both! It will inform you creatively more than you know.

3. Surround yourself with people who treat you with the respect and dignity you deserve. This might seem like general life advice, and it is, but as a Catholic you'll find yourself facing challenges in the city, and as an artist in this city, you'll certainly be challenged. But at the end of the day, when you lay your head down, wherever you find a spot, you have to know you are safe and loved. Nothing is worth your respect and dignity, and do everything you can to maintain it. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you feel trapped and afraid. You aren't the only artist (or Catholic) to feel this way in this city.

[awed-frog]

hey! i wanted to let you know that i think your cas/stages of grief meta was absolutely amazing. cas's story never really made sense to me, it always seemed so inconsistent, like they had no idea where they were going with it, and your meta is the first i've read that made me see some central theme in it after all. so kudos for that :) just out of curiosity, you have any idea where they're going with crowley? bc his story is another one that always felt the opposite of straightforward to me.

Whats your hope for Crowleys arc on this season?

Hi! Thank you so much for all that! I am the most awful person, because not only I’m like, two months late in answering this but I’m also going to bundle it up with an anon ask. Sorry, @andallthewildthingsroared!

(I did write the overly long thing I promised you, though, so there’s that.)

I understand where you’re coming from - Crowley’s arc is sort of zigzaggy, but if you take away what was clearly bad characterization (such as that one-off threat to Sam complete with red eyes which never went anywhere), I sort of feel like we can know who Crowley is, and what he wants.

Background

So, just as a summary - we know he was a bastard, and that he had a stable enough relationship with his mother that he remembers her (not fondly), and that she up and left soon enough that it felt like she was abandoning him (eight is a bit soon to fend for yourself, even in the seventeenth century). We know he had a son, and since Gavin’s mother is never mentioned, I want to say unremarkable entity who died in childbirth? Because if this had been his great love, and if she’d survived long enough to be remembered by Gavin, I hope to God that would have been brought up in the narrative (come on). So, either Crowley didn’t give a damn about her, and got saddled with the kid for some reason, or he cared a lot and she died pretty early on and that’s possibly the reason he started being so awful to everybody (hello, John Winchester’s parallels). We also know he was a tailor, which, in those times, and for an orphan, implies either that Rowena used magic to help him out (unlikely for a number of reasons) or that he was actually a very smart, very talented kid who had to work his ass off during his apprenticeship, as was usual for the times. In this case, we’ve got someone whose life was out of his control from a very young age, and who knows what it’s like to be at a master’s whim. 

Demon deal

Now, what doesn’t fit with this picture is the idea a kid like that would sell his soul for a longer dick, as Crowley boasted to have done (also, as amusing as it is, this would be a moot point by now, since Crowley’s in a different body). What I consider more likely is that Crowley’s current vessel - the literary agent in his late forties possibly all work and all play as that job often entails - tried to make a similar deal (and that would be a reason for Crowley to stick with the body afterwards; after all, we know he’s vain and likes to sleep around, so, vessel for vessel, why not go for a bigger dong?); as for Crowley himself, I really can’t guess what happened. Gavin remembers him as a useless drunkard, and he certainly had no riches to pass on - so much so, Gavin was forced to emigrate to the Colonies. What did Crowley gain, exactly, in exchange for his soul? An intriguing possibility is that, like Dean, he took the deal to save someone else - perhaps Gavin himself from some childhood fever - and became a drunk asshole out of blind panic the closer he got to the deadline. I like this explanation, because there was always this weird pull between Crowley and Dean, and this would go a long way towards explaining it; but, really, this is one of those things it’s useless to speculate about - either the show will tell us, or it won’t.

(Another possibility I like, but which would have come up by now, is that Rowena sold her kid’s soul to pay for her own magic - a plot bunny I explored here.)

Whatever his reasons, Crowley’s time in hell took this primal lack of control over his own life and made it a thousand times worse. We still don’t know, exactly, how demons are created, how long it takes, and who decides which eyes you’ll get, and which job you’ll do. This is, like, one of the 2000 things the show could get into instead of inventing new lore (I’m not complaining, though - S11 was magnificent, and S12 has been very good so far). What we do know is that the entire process is excruciatingly painful; that it distorts, or takes away, your human soul. If we think about other soulless creatures we’ve encountered, what Crowley is makes a lot of sense. It’s not about being evil, exactly; it’s more about a lack of caring and empathy. There are moments where Crowley actually reminds me of soulless!Sam - like when he pushed Dean into Cain’s arms just because it was convenient on the short term. 

Crowley the crossroads demon

Becoming a demon is also the worst kind of punishment, we should assume, because it completely takes away your free will.

(This is not exactly true, since we’ve seen a lot of demons doing stuff on the side and betraying their masters left, right and centre - but I want to think those demons breaking ranks parallel the mess that’s going on in Heaven - that these are creatures that, under normal circumstances, ie, pre-Winchesters and pre-Apocalypse, functioned as mindless servants under a king. Like angels, demons can, theoretically, think for themselves, but I feel like they’re not designed to? Although, where the angels craved order - and orders - Crowley was hoping to get support by promising other demons ‘a say, a virgin and all the entrails they can eat’ - which means demons are perhaps not as happy as angels to give up their agency. And, well, it would make sense: they do not belong to a different species, after all. They used to be human.)

And so we’ve got the transformation from human!Crowley, indentured to some abusive master as a boy, to demon!Crowley, who’s got no choice but to follow his torturers around. Except, well, Crowley’s smart (too smart for his own good, probably) and ballsy and free will is something he cares about, very fucking much (and this is another tie to Dean). From what we know, it looks like Crowley schemed and schmoozed his way into acquiring enough weapons, knowledge, powers and secrets that he was almost part of the inner circle which was preparing for Lucifer’s return. And here is where his story gets interesting, because, to get Roman about it, “We rob the world, but he will rifle the deep. If the enemy be rich, Lucifer will be rapacious; if he be poor, Lucifer will lust for dominion; he will make a desert and call it peace.”

Crowley and the Winchesters

I don’t remember if it’s ever explained why Crowley chose to bet on the Winchesters, of all people, to go against Lucifer. I think we’re meant to not question this - to assume that they’re our main characters and fierce hunters and yadda yadda, but it’s still interesting that Crowley would know them - and well, at that. I like to think they’d been on his radar from the very beginning (or, at least, that Sam was) because of Azazel’s demented scheme, and it’s certainly possible Crowley knew everything about their dealings with Hell, including Sam’s death, Dean’s self-sacrifice, and how and why he was saved. He’s been shown, after all, to be one of the most knowledgeable characters on the board, and if he’s been keeping track of the Winchesters for years and years, that would go a long way in explaining his fond exasperation for their antics. 

Now, Crowley is, of course, fascinating and interesting in himself, but what is also worth noting is that his character, like Cas’ (and perhaps even more than Cas’), is relevant in light of his relation to Dean - and Dean’s sexuality.

The first thing here is - unlike Cas, who, inevitably, had a very strong relationship with Dean from the start which made perfect narrative sense, Crowley could always go either way. It can even be argued that logically, it would have made more sense to pair him off with Sam. First of all, there’s the symmetry (Dean and his angel, Sam and his demon); then there’s the fact Crowley’s got more in common with Sam than he does with Dean - the books, the art, the interest in weird languages and weirder mythology, a general ‘the end justifies the means’ attitude - I know we now have years of backstory to influence how we view those characters, but if we take them in isolation - sure, Dean and Crowley would have fun on a night out (and we’ve seen what they do together: play pool, get drunk, sleep it off with a various number of partners of unspecified gender), but Sam and Crowley - now, that had the potential of a real friendship of the minds (as I said, forget about their history and put aside Crowley’s shady morals for a second - can’t you see how much fun they would have had to explore the Bunker’s library together? how they could have planned thefts, Leverage-style, to recover some painting stolen by an oil magnate - how they would have fought at the end, because, of course, Sam wanted to donate it to a museum and Crowley, well, was planning on keeping it, because he0d bloody well earned it?). Sam becoming friends with a demon after the whole Ruby ordeal would have been a huge bout of character growth, in line with his ‘forgive and don’t judge people by their birth’ personality. And as for Crowley, it would have made sense for him to bond with Sam rather than Dean - if only for the obvious reason: Sam could still be (potentially) his future boss. The boy with the demon blood; the only vessel that can hold Lucifer. Honestly, since Crowley never wanted to be king in the first place, it would have made perfect sense for him to seduce Sam (platonically) and then guide him to the throne - there, problem solved. He would have been chief advisor of The One Who Was Foretold, right there at Sam’s right hand to keep an eye on his every decision, and he would have known, because he would have taken the time to get to know Sam, that Sam (even as a demon king) would be a fair ruler - and, more importantly, a ruler loyal to his old friends.

It was, really, the perfect scheme - and yet the idea never came up at all. In fact, Sam and Crowley lost another momentous occasion to get closer to each other - even after Sam fed Crowley his own blood, the relationship between them remained distant at best, and hostile at worst. That always struck me as really, really weird. Sam saw Crowley at his most vulnerable, and despite being Mr Forgiveness, he continues to hate Crowley with a vengeance and the whole thing never comes up at all. Uh.

I mostly think the main reason for this is very simple: Sam ‘I desperately need my own plotline’ Winchester is straight. Very straight. Pairing him with a man would have been weird. Mirroring the relationship Dean has with Cas - weirder. The thing worked until Ruby was around, but with Crowley they would have missed a lot of juicy subtext. And so, once again and despite all odds, Dean got yet another character to add to his court, and Sam was left with nothing more than Lucifer’s mild interest in him (or, as Sam himself put it in entaglednow’s side-splitting series, “Great, you get the epic love story and I get the creepy sadomasochistic non-con.”).

(This is another reason, by the way, why their refusal to be clearer on the whole ‘Dean is bi’ issue is hurting the show: it is partly, or mostly, because they’re desperate to keep that subtext going that Dean gets all the characters - people like Charlie, or Benny, or even Jody offering him to talk in her most suave mom voice - all of these things make sense in the narrative because they’re feeding the underlying subtext. And since this is, objectively, a Big Story and the core of who Dean is, and Sam’s only stake in it would be a tragic ‘I know I said I’d die for him, but I’ll now reject my gay brother out of moral virtue’ nonsense which clearly doesn’t apply to the character, he’s left with literally nothing to do. Really - most of the story seems to gravitate around these two open secrets - Dean’s sexuality, and Dean’s love for Cas; and since, as I said, Sam’s got nothing to do with either, and no reason to be mad about either, he’s left with no narrative role. Only yesterday @tinkdw was saying how the entire myth arc of S11 doesn’t make any sense without Destiel, and she’s perfectly right; most things, for a lot of time, have been about Dean’s heart.

And I want to add that I’m not okay, or happy, with any of this. First, I think it’s dishonest to include so much subtext that it basically props up your whole narrative while denying anything’s going on; and second, Sam’s a fantastic character and there’s a lot he could do - it defies logic and reason that they’re not using him better. Like, I still can’t believe the entire God reveal was only about Dean, that we still haven’t heard how Sam feels about Lucifer being around, that he’s barely had one conversation with his mother, and that he basically has zero relationships with other characters. Come on - there’s so many awesome things you could do with someone like Sam, why aren’t they doing them? On a show that’s supposedly all about the two of them, and only the two of them?)

Crowley’s arc

By having Crowley’s represent Dean’s eros to Cas’ agape (and I want to say this is a learned reference, but I’m really just thinking about YOI right now), the main mirror for Crowley, and therefore his character arc, was firmly established. Crowley would parallel Cas - and viceversa. The journey, for both of them, is to get closer to humanity (and ‘humanity’), and what’s been fascinating is that, of course, they start off in two very different places.

As I said in the beginning, Crowley’s all about control. He’s very Scarlett O’Hara about things, and he’s got good reason to be. In this, he’s heavily paralleled with Cas, but where Cas focuses his newfound (?) free will on everything but himself - hence the Jesus-like characterization - Crowley’s most consistent character trait is his selfishness. All of his schemes, and most of his ambitions, are ultimately directed at saving himself and avoid pain and death, which, to be honest, would be sensible from anyone’s point of view but is particularly understandable if we consider we’re dealing with a soulless creature who’s got no capacity to love and has endured decades, if not centures, of torture. What is most significant about Crowley, therefore, is the same thing that makes Cas stands out: how Crowley is learning about himself, and how to become who he truly is, through his love for Dean. This is something that we discuss every other day, so I won’t get into it (see for instance the ‘drowley’ tag on my blog, or read here, here or here), but it’s clearly become a major part of his character arc. 

(His decision to sacrifice that spear to save Cas, for instance, was a huge step in this direction - selfishness to selflessness - so huge I still can’t believe I watched it with my own two eyes. It will probably be mirrored, quite soon, by Cas making a step of his own - in his case, towards selfishness, ie, the Winchesters’ happiness, and therefore his own, and away from yet another idiotic heavenly battle plan.) 

As for what will come of it - the problem with this kind of Are you truly my enemy? characters - or, well, the trouble with everything - is that there is a limited number pf ways their story can end. And, again, the problem with Crowley and where his story is going is the same problem we have with everything else - Dean, Sam, Destiel and so on: it all depends on which kind of story this is, and what they’re trying to say with it. So, let’s have a look at it.

A) Crowley could remain his slightly evil self and die because of it - this would place Supernatural in a kind of ‘moralistic’ narrative: the good guys triumph, and the bad guys pay the price.

B) Or, he could try to do the right thing and get killed in the process: that’s the definition of tragedy, which somehow works even better when a character was despicable to start with - think Last of the Mohicans, or Severus Snape. In this case, his death would likely be the first (or the last) of many other significant characters.

C) Another possibility is that Crowley could become human, and that would be both interesting and heartbreaking to watch, because we know Crowley is very ambitious, but, as I said, my headcanon is that he became wary and power-hungry because of what was done to him in Hell. After all, Dean did get a kind of special treatment, but what he went through was also the standard procedure to destroy someone’s soul - so drunken tailor Fergus was probably on the rack for decades, until the last shred of humanity left inside him burned and withered, and it’s likely that at some point he had his O'Hara moment and that’s why he always puts himself first: because he’s bloody scared shitless to be vulnerable again. In this sense, a human Crowley would be resentful and terrified - and therefore, a beautiful character to watch.

(Not that there would be anyone left to watch, since if they go there, I think they’ll do it at the last possible moment.)

D) Or, Crowley could remain a demon but shift his priorities so completely as to work with the Winchesters full-time, sort of like Cas did. Now, this would be quite something because Cas and Crowley are often paralleled, but at the same time it would put Crowley in a difficult position: I am sure Sam and Dean would fully accept him as a member of TFW only if Crowley repented and behaved like an unpstanding citizen from then on, and how is all that compatible with being the king of Hell? Plus, what would happen to the other demons? Was Crowley making more demons when he had complete control of Hell? We know he turned Hell more bureaucratic and 'punishment fits the crime’ and whatever, but his demons were still eating human flesh, and I’m not sure they can even survive without? So, well, however noble Crowley’s intentions, that would be an uneasy alliance. If Crowley remains his lovable and snarky demon self, I see more of an Eric Northman ending for him: sure, he gets his throne and all sort of pretty distractions, but he loses his Sookie forever.

E) And finally: Crowley could be killed in a freak ‘accident’, maybe by an ally of the Winchesters who didn’t know he was sort of a friend (Mary is a prime candidate), or by Cas or Sam because of the greater good, or maybe even by Dean himself - but not by choice - and that would be a sort of fridging because it would shift the meaning of his death to the damage it’d do to his killer.

Which hypothesis is more likely? 

Well: first of all, we need to bear in mind a few RL factors. They’ll probably want to keep Mark around because he’s awesome, the fans generally like him so that’s another plus, and I firmly believe they still don’t know how they want Supernatural to end (or even what the next season’s theme is going to be) so a character like Crowley is a godsend, because when weird shit needs to happen or you suddenly need drama or whatever, you can always count on someone like that to make it happen (and that’s another reason why I don’t think Crowley will become human any time soon: it would severely limit the weird shit they can pull off) - which means, it’s likely they’ll keep him around for a while. And also: his death would bring nothing, narratively, to the table. For instance, John’s death and Bobby’s death sort of made sense, because the boys had some growing up to do, and killing someone like Cain or defeating Lucifer was important because it told us our boys are on the Good side even when it’s difficult, but now we know all this. 

To me - if we’re looking at the very end, there are only two ways this makes sense: either Crowley is killed off, or sacrifices himself, in some heartwrenching scenario so that his death will mean Cas or Dean or even Sam lives, or he becomes human - my headcanon is that he’ll still know how to do magic, because I’m a sucker for magician!Crowley - and walks away from the boys entirely. If Supernatural ends in tragedy, then it’s the first option all the way; but if its end is more like, there are no more monsters and you’re now free to open a car repair shop, then it only makes sense that both Cas and Crowley become human. Cas will be the sort of human who still stares up at the sky from time to time and will lie to Dean when Dean asks and say it’s okay (hopefully, Dean won’t believe a word of it and kiss him extra hard that night), and Crowley - Crowley likes to be the centre of attention, so I’m thinking politics. Or maybe he’ll hoodwink his way to the very top of a renowned auction house and meet some wealthy widow at his local golf club, and that will be it - a sort of happy ending, and the occasional drunk call to Dean to reminisce about that happy, happy summer they once had.