#which is great bc it helps me develop the Theme of this guy more and being stuck between two lives

[starryeyed-seer]

Have determined Enoch fights at zee by lighting himself on fire, charging at target, and then knocking them into the water to kill (because Enoch is a self made man-thing who gave himself the ability to breathe underwater and very sharp claws)

[faggotmox]

I've seen the light, I'm absolutely obsessed with the pitt and I'm feral for Noah Wyle. Explain him to me. I need to know more.

(oh my god this got so long im sorry slap my hand slipped)

noah, my boy my babe my little whump whump, got his break out role in er as john carter. carter ended up being the focus of the first 11 seasons out of 15, returning to finish the series in season 15. i know after er noah got a main role in falling skies, & the librarian franchise. sadly his career never got much bigger BUT he is a really good actor & the roles he does choose he really crushes.

now...john carter :) if you enjoyed him in the pitt i urge you to run a train on er. carter is a great character, he starts out as a surgical intern in season one before realizing he isn't cut out (pun!) for surgery & his real love is in the emergency department. its so fun going over everything that happened to carter in my head. he's such a dynamic character that changes a lot, even just episode to episode.

like how to summarize john carter? the song africa by toto is actually his theme song lmao. like season 9-12 carter storyline is like verse for verse africa by toto which sounds like an indictment but isn't. the sad little rich white boy goes through a personal tragedy & then flies to the fucking congo with tv brand doctors without boarders to figure out his priorities & then decides to use his families INSANE (theyre the richest family in chicago from like exploiting coal or something in the early 1990s & he feels white guilty abt it) fortune to cure aids in africa. which sounds like it'd be terrible but...but i promise isn't.

also he's kinda bisexual king if im honest. like fr fr he & peter (his mentor in season one, & friend after) have wild sexual chemistry & when carter becomes addicted to narcotics (he got stabbed in the er by a patient with a giant cake cutting knife! bc he must suffer) peter is the only person he trusts & takes him to a treatment center. then when luka (a croatian er doc that convinces him to go to africa) is thought to be dead in africa carter goes back & is determined to find his body. like carter, is it gay to fly across the world to recover your ex girlfriend's ex boyfriend???? i think it is. he, luka, & abby have the most dysfunctional chemistry in er history im sorry.

like carter is just some rich guy who lost his brother to cancer & wanted to become a doctor to help people. he's also super cute when he cries or flips out :)

is this what you wanted to know slap? lmao also if you've seen the pitt watching er would be fun imo bc you will clearly be able to draw lines between the two shows & characters. to be robby is clearly a current day carter that has finally grown into mark greene's shoes as mark always thought he would. i think doctor robby is a nice nod to a more modernized version of mark's character while still being carter too. also if you like the political side of the pitt then er was the show that set the tone for that. its not a medical romance. er makes a point to highlight how the healthcare system fails & the systemic issues within medicine (which is personified in the 'big bad' of the first 10 seasons, dr. robert romano).

my only criticism of er thats popping out on my current rewatch is that somewhere in like maybe season 9, but i think season 10 & on, is that sometimes they kinda write medical problems/illness as a moral failing & that aways rubs me the wrong way a bit. maybe im just rose colored goggles over the first 8 or so seasons, but i really feel like they dont often fall into that.

but i'll point out something that i think is a really good thing about er. it's an ensemble cast that gets fully developed (for the most part, minus a few) & storylines are allowed to arc over seasons. you get good slow burn, well-developed stories that weave in & out over large chunks of episodes. most characters get a decent amount of screen time, even secondary/background characters (shout out nurses chuny & helah & yosh). i dont think a lot of shows achieve that. also so many of the characters are multifaceted, theres things you like or dont like about them, things they do that are upsetting or bad but also good.

OH! also there's a character named dr. weaver. she's a disabled lesbian who kicks ass & is a great doctor, but she's also a hard ass. kerry is such an interesting character, i adore her. plus they actually write over many season kerry realizing she's a lesbian to becoming comfortable to living a gay little life & it's pretty good.

thanks for coming to my ted talk--

hey this gif works perfect for my case!

[lunadreamscaper]

I grew up on the manga adaptation of Maximum Ride. Maximum Ride has shaped a lot of who i am. it helped me develop my art style. it's themes are something that still impacts me. there's something about a found family of genetically modified human-"freak of nature" children with superpowers and wings constantly being on the run from the institute that made them and abused them in their experiments to help them rule the world!

i think the manga adaptation is the better part of this franchise. because i remember going back to read the actual novel myself and just... having to stop completely... because it was so much more worse than i remember????? and then going back and rereading the earlier manga, well it's.. not the best either xD not to mention some parts that kinda aged poorly. at least it was just small stuff. probably. the movie adaptation is by far the worst part of it and i didnt even finish it.

for so long in my childhood part of the excitement of going to the movie theaters was rhe hope i might see a trailer for a maximum ride movie. and one day my family showed me a real trailer and i screamed out of joy. but when i actually got to see the movie?? i barely got through the beginning bc it was so... bad??? they had already changed the story so much. all the characters seemed to hate each other. Angel wasnt the sweetheart she was normally depicted as and Fang was immediately sexualized in his intro instead of introduced as being the mysterious and aloof guy he is. btw, the three oldest characters of the main cast were 14. rhey did a hot shirtless "just came out the shower" intro for a buff 14 yr old. technically they all in lore look okder than they are but that actor had to at least be 22 lmao

my least favorite part of maximum ride aside from the poor writing was making them young but their experimentation made them look older. Max and Fang were FOURTEEN! AND THERE WAS AN ADULT CHARACTER IMPLIED TO BE FLIRTING WITH FANG AND MAX WAS LIKE ALL JEALOUS BUT WASNT CONCERNED ABOUT THE FACT THIS ADULT YOUNG WOMAN WAS FLIRTING WITH THIS 14 YR OLD BOY!

ik hes the love interest but????? STOP IT???? STOP SECUALIZING HIM???

i feel like if the oldests were 16-17 thatd be better and make more sense for them to sorta look like adults if the looking older than they actually are was really that important. bc they did look young adults or older teenagers.

i really wish they didnt discontinue the manga series though. goddamn cliff hanger. NarRae Lee was an amazing artist, saw that shes still making manga which is great! hope she's doing well. (i really loved her little comic bits she did about her life at the end of some of the manga, those were fun, i think she advertised her twitter but i couldnt find it shfjsj)

basically is what im saying is that James Patterson should give me the rights to Maximum Ride so i can do better :) for free!!!!!!!!!/silly

the maximum ride fandom is probably... so dead... and obscured now. but shout out to those who remember maximum ride,

[nursc]

hey! I hope this isn’t a weird question, but I was wondering if you could explain in detail what it is that draws you to spapel as a ship. I really want to like them, but a part of me feels a disconnect in that the writing almost positions the ship as something to benefit spock but not so much chapel. I was hoping that maybe, as a christine fan you could help me put it into perspective and understand it more.

(I really hope this doesn’t come off as rude, I genuinely would love an analysis of how spapel deepens christine’s character bc I love the concept of them)

i don't mind! and i hope i can explain well, i'm not the best sometimes at explaining things i love because. i end up babbling and only scratching the surface.

honestly, i do understand where you are coming from; it does enrich spock’s story more than hers. it plays into the themes the show is analyzing: his culture, his identity, how he connects with the world. they are opposites: she is someone who is greatly defined by being human, who is at ease in most social situations, who laughs easily and emotionally connects with people. and if we go back too discovery, michael recommends that he connect with the person who is farthest away from him. i tend to read that quote more as connected to sp*irk, but i think it can be applied here as well. to love her, to try and understand her, is spock stepping out of his comfort zone. which to me, is a very interesting concept. to see someone who is regarded as stoic loving someone who is more outwardly emotional is a great trope. to see him connecting with his emotions because of them?? that’s quality content. i love it when we can see people growing with each other. how a relationship affects and changes them.

but, that's not your question, is it?

how does this relationship benefit christine?

i think textually, we have to go to the ending of spock amok. christine says that relationships require mutual sacrifice, and that's why she avoids them. in the latest episode, we get spock literally risking another war with the klingons by waiting before destroying the ship in order to save christine. that's a big sacrifice. if we think about the fact her other famous relationship was with her professor, and that reading that now, in 2023, we recognize a woman in a relationship like that, marked by such a power imbalance, is the one making all the sacrifices.

so she was not talking about being the one doing the sacrificing. she was talking about being the one who always has to sacrifice for the relationship. the one who always suffers. spock, in this latest episode, broke that cycle.

i've been rewatching the west wing lately, and i think they provide a good example of that. donna, one of the main characters, who is clever and extremely capable, got involved with an older guy when she was in college, and she dropped out to pay the bills till he was done with his residency. and then he broke up with her. in these sort of relationships, the younger woman is the one who is always giving up parts of herself to appease a guy.

when she is around spock, she is at her brightest and wittiest. her most vibrant self. there are exceptions, of course. she retreats at the end of serene squall, acting like the kiss didn’t matter. but that’s what i find interesting! the development of the relationship, two people moving around each other and trying to figure out how they fit. and with spock, it is an interesting fit. part of why i love them, is.. that she is her most vibrant self around him. she always seems so happy, so delighted, and i love seeing christine happy.

how does it benefit her? i think for starters, christine allowing him to be completely in -- i don't think a relationship with spock specifically would allow any less -- would be something risky and different for her. something she tries to avoid by having one night stands and breaking up with people before it gets too serious. she would be putting her heart on the line and if it worked... the benefits? he is kind, and he is smart, doesn't underestimate her and values how smart she is. that's someone she can be herself with. someone she can talk to like an equal, who will treat her like an equal.

and i love a good pining story gone right! it is tropey! and i gotta be honest, i don't need something to fully benefit one party for me to like it. i like relationships that are hard, and require work. this relationship would require loads of it, they are complicated people, but it would also never be boring. with spock by her side, she'd never have a boring night off, they'd find something to do, even if it is just talking (because talking to him is incredible in her eyes... and like canonically, he is a clever guy with a quiet sense of humor). but it does benefit her as a person, to have someone who is more calm, more precise at her side. who can help her see things from a different perspective, who challenges her, emotionally and intellectually, to be at her best.

i think it deepens her character because love, and how someone is in love, it an important part to understanding someone. how they react, if they are afraid. to have someone like spock, that we know, and who is super complicated, to see how she reacts and loves him, gives us a good understanding of her character: she is loving, patient, warm, with a killer sense of humor, who does want to get into his pants, and despite all her protests about not wanting to get involved, gets involved. it provides us a very rich look into the sort of person she is!

also they are fun and pretty. that's like.. a big draw for me, i'm not gonna lie.

sdfghjk. i hope this helped, and made some sense?? honestly, to me they are a very interesting duo, and i think he provides a good balance to her personality, allowing us to get some great scenes. and it didn't come off as rude!

[yumeirochaser]

saw shin ultraman!!

okay so!!! this is a really good film!! i enjoyed it a lot, and it really got the assignment stylistically and thematically. but i do feel this is more on higuchi over anno. i really like the cast, but this movie feels oddly clinical on the human parts? like i really like the cast, they are GREAT, asami's a pretty good protag and i adore lipiah a lot, but i wish we got more of them like, developing dynamics and relationships, bc it doesn't really focus on the emotional part there. it kinda left me wanting more there

the aliens are really well done too! lipiah is such a good and pure ultra that i wish we got more of him bc i really loved him, zoffy's a good spin on how vague M78 was at the start, and mephilas and zarab are absolutely fun and compelling villains to watch on the screen

the aesthetics, sounds and feel are a good combination of retro and modern, i kinda wish higuchi got more credit from fans for this film bc i feel he sold the emotional and stylistic stuff really well, esp since the script is utilitarian at times. he was what made this film really work. i think anno's script mostly nails the themes, i like the criticism of the world governments and militarism in it, but it does get kinda muddy at the end bc he changes the way they beat zetton. i remember he hated tiga having normal people help tiga beat the bad guy so like lol. i do think he had to add that theme at the end bc it's a fundamental part of ultra, that humans can grow by themselves, but it def felt like he had to have the ultra more involved with clenched teeth lol. but that's just the end. i feel most of the film Got The Assignment

i adored asami and lipiah and i wish we actually got to see their bond actually develop on screen. they are just really good characters. also wow asami is very prominent in this film. trigger got lapped by ANNO with girl rep even with the pervy scenes added that's so fucking sad. i do think the visual of lipiah constantly looking at shinji's dead body to remind himself what he's fighting for and what he's protecting is so haunting and good. i really love him...i need more of him. also them dividing ide into a funny girl and an otaku was fun. i liked that

i think act 2 is way stronger than act 1. i feel that them introducing so much stuff at the start didn't leave space for the human core, which did kinda hurt the ending. but if the sequel is more focused and straightforward and gets to show more of the cast, it could improve this

but yeah, the lack of a strong human heart and a lil lack of polish is kind of my only big thing with this movie. everything else is really good!!! i really enjoyed my time with it, and it left me wanting more. lipiah pls marry me. looking forward to this and rising's sequels!!!

also wow this and rising being leagues better than UGF is so good. who could think having actual writing and a budget could make a movie good???

[ericsangyeon]

addicted - l.sy

‘He was like fire, she was his igniter. Together they were each other's addictions.”

pairing: sangyeon x female! reader

word count: 7.0k

genre: angst, fluff, suggestive

theme: gang au sorta??

warnings: SMUT!!, profanity, drinking, guns, blood, kidnapping, bang chan and skz are villians

a/n: hey guys! i wanted to try writing a fic bc why not! this is my first tme ever writing smut so be nice. also this was edited many times but there could be mistakes so just bare with me. enjoy it! i worked really hard hehe -t :D

playlist moodboard

~

“Kevin oh my god. I'm not going to that criminal ball.” I roll my eyes at my best friend.

“Pretty please? You can finally meet Jacob! And I'm pretty sure a certain someone wants you there too,” Kevin smirks from the other side of the work area. I stop cleaning the countertops and stare up at him with wide eyes.

Kevin, and his boyfriend Jacob, are members of the underground mafia group TBZ, which never gets brought up when I'm with Kevin because he knows it makes me uncomfortable. That was until Lee Sangyeon came into the picture. Sangyeon is the leader and “big boss” (as Kevin calls him) of TBZ, and has somehow found interest in me. Ever since Kevin brought him into the cafe a month ago during one of my shifts, I kept bumping into him everywhere. From work, to campus, to even near my apartment. He tries to make small talk with me, which I always ignore and keep distance from him. I see him all the time despite wanting to, and I want nothing to do with him…. even though he literally looks and talks like an angel sent from heaven. I'm positive there is some sort of an attraction between the two of us. But don't tell anyone I said that. Lee Sangyeon is hopelessly attractive and I couldn't help myself to have developed a crush on him. If it wasn't for his shady career choice, I would have hooked up with him in an instant.

“How many times do I have to tell you Kevin? I want nothing to do with him,” I cry while Kevin snickers.

“He's not even that bad, he only hurts people who have wronged him” Kevin explains.”But never mind about him, Jacob really wants to meet you and you said you’re free Friday so please, please pl-”

“Fine oh my god.” I huff while Kevin claps, pleased with himself. “One problem, I have nothing to wear.”

“Not to worry about that sweetheart, I got that covered. Just text me your measurements.” Kevin says. I was going to try to argue with him but I knew he would win no matter what, so I just shot him a thumbs up.

“Anyways babes I gotta go to class now. See ya y/n!” Kevin grins, blew me an air kiss which I caught with a small smile, and walked out of the cafe.

I sigh and put the cleaning supplies away. As I went to greet a customer, all I could think was - it's just a ball, with your best friend and his boyfriend. What could possibly go wrong?

~

On Thursday night, as I was getting ready to make dinner, there was a knock on my apartment door. I went to answer it, but found no one there when I opened it. Instead, a white box with a small bag on top, both had my name on it. “Oh yes.” I thought to myself. “The criminal ball.”

I grabbed both items and brought them to my room to open them. I unsecure the first box to be greeted to white tissue paper and a note on top, which I pick up and read the writing.

“This colour will look ravishing on you. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”

Or at least that's what I thought it said. It was written in a script that I had never seen before, and it certainly wasn't Kevin’s handwriting. Maybe Jacob’s? I put the note aside and unwrap the tissue paper to take out the dress and my jaw drops. I pull out a ball gown that was wine red and had a lace strapless top with a semi-poofy skirt attached. Below it were gold open toed high heels. I laid everything down on my bed and reached for the small bag that was on top. Without checking first, I pull out what was in that bag and gasp. In my hands is a beautiful gold mask with black silk fabric to wrap around my eyes. Fuck. Kevin never mentioned it being a masquerade ball? Now I have a higher chance of running into Lee Sangyeon since I probably won’t be able to tell who's who.

I send Kevin a quick text saying thank you for the dress, cursing him out for not telling me that piece of info. To finish my day, I made my dinner and went to bed early.

~

Friday night at 6:45pm, found me applying my last coat of lipstick as I stood up from my vanity chair. Staring back at me in the mirror was a completely different person. I loosely curled my long straight hair so it was falling down my back in waves. My makeup was not too heavy, yet not too light. My eyeshadow was a nude colour to contrast with my mask, as well as my lipstick was wine red to match my gown. The dress and shoes fit me perfectly (thanks Kevin), as well as the finishing touch, the gold mask.

My phone beeps and I looked down to see a text that the car Kevin sent for me was here, so I grabbed my phone and clutch and locked up my apartment. “Goodbye bed, I’ll see you later tonight.” I thought to myself, smirking.

The car waiting for me downstairs was gorgeous and sleek, and when I entered the back seat, the driver tipped his hat at me and we were on our way.

After driving 20 mins out of the city, the driver turns onto a single sided road where in the distance, I could see a huge house with bright lights shining.

“Oh my god.” I whispered to myself as the driver pulled up to a mansion - no - castle with a staircase leading to the entrance. The car stops and I could feel myself start to get nauseous. The driver came to open my door, lending me a hand so I could get out of the car safely.

“Have a great evening, Miss y/n.”

“Thank you, I do hope so.” I smile softly as I turned to walk up the staircase on this warm June evening.

As I was walking in the big hallway that led to what I'm guessing is the ballroom, I went over my rules for tonight. 1) Don't trip 2) stay with Kevin 3) avoid Sangyeon at all costs.

But of course, when the guards opened the big double doors for me to enter, everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at me as I walked further into the room. I see someone come forward from the crowd of people and my eyes go wide because I know it is not Kevin or Jacob.

Lee Sangyeon is walking towards me like he had been waiting for this moment, and there was nothing I could do about it.

He looks amazing of course, like a walking marble statue that came to life. His light brown hair was pushed back to reveal his amazing eyebrows and smirking lips and he was dressed in a black velvet suit that was so low cut that I could see a glimpse of his defined pecs. He wore a black velvet mask over his brown eyes. Sangyeon had me very much weak at the knees right now so thank god everyone went back to minding their own business.

“Y/n! I'm so glad you could make it.” He smiles at me. That goddamn smile. “You look exquisite.” Sangyeon said to me as he reached down, grabs my hand and softly kisses it while staring at me.

My breath hitches. “You don’t look too bad yourself.” I softly smile at him. “Now excuse me,” I whisper, attempting to create some distance. But his hand on mine got tighter.  “May I have this dance?” Sangyeon asks. I nod my head, not sure what took over me. He softly smiles at me and leads me toward the dance floor, where other couples are dancing already. As we were nearing the dance floor, I felt myself trip over my gown. Before I could faceplant with the floor, rough hands were on my waist pulling me up.

“Be careful y/n.” Sangyeon chuckles and I thought I would throw up on his designer shoes.

He puts my hands on his neck and grabs my waist to pull me close to him. Sangyeon starts to sway me back and forth, eyes never leaving mine. As we danced for a few minutes, I felt his thumb lightly brush against my hip bone and I saw him slightly leaning his face towards mine. I finally jumped out of the trance he put me in and unwrapped my arms from his neck.

“I can’t do this. Excuse me.” I told Sangyeon as I brushed past him, leaving him on the dancefloor alone.

I speed walk over to the bar and spot a familiar black head of curls standing with a brunette boy wearing a similar tux.

“Where have you been, asshole?” I yell behind Kevin, making him jump and then smile at me.

“Hey y/n you made it! Meet Jacob, my boyfriend.” He gestures towards the man next to him wearing the same mask.

“Nice to meet you, Jacob. Kev, I'm getting a drink and then calling a cab to leave. I can’t be here.” I say while looking around.

Before Kevin could say anything back, I turned my back to him and ordered red wine from the nearest bartender. I sigh and drink my wine and look over at the guy who is standing next to me.

“Rough night?’ He smiles at me.

“You could say that.” I smile back as I drank more of my wine.

He chuckles and extends his hand to me.”I’m Bang Chan.”

“Y/n.” I shake his hand back.

His smile faded once I said my name.”You’re Lee’s girl?”

I stare wide eyed at him. “I'm who's girl??”

Before he could answer me, a body was standing between us. Sangyeon.

“Piss off Bang, she's mine.” Sangyeon growls at him.

“Excuse me?” I said but no one seems to hear me.

“Chill out Lee, I was just getting to know her, but I’ll leave.” Bang Chan waves bye to me behind Sangyeon’s back and walks away.

Sangyeon turned around and looked at me, his defined jaw clenching tightly.

“Y/n, we are leaving.” He states.

“I am not going anywhere with you!” I yell back while a muscle in his jaw twitches as he clenches  his hands into a fist.

“Y/n. I suggest you go with him before he tries to shoot someone, because he will.” Kevin appears and says behind me, squeezing my shoulder. I just nod my head at Sangyeon. Kevin would never put me in danger. Right?

Before I could even say bye, Sangyeon grabs my hand and is leading me out the ballroom door, out of the castle and towards his car.

He opens the passenger seat car door for me. “Get in.” He says to me. I glare at him as I get in slowly.

Sangyeon shuts the door and walks over to the driver side, gets in, takes his mask off, and starts the car without even saying anything. And we are off to god knows where.

The entire drive was silent. Sangyeon is gripping the wheel tightly, rough fingers scattered with rings turning white. I'm too scared to move, only moving my hands to remove my mask and my heels that were starting to hurt my feet.

20 minutes later, we are back in the city and Sangyeon is pulling into a parking garage surrounded by guards. He pulls into a parking spot, and leaves the car after stopping it. I open the car door to follow him, barefoot and all.

In the elevator I kept trying to glance over at Sangyeon, but he’s looking straight ahead, defined jaw still clenched. The elevator door opens and I gasp. I walk out behind Sangyeon to see a beautiful penthouse common area surrounded by glass windows overlooking the city night sky.

Before I could even admire the place and the city lights that surrounded the room, my back is being pushed against a hard wall to face a livid Sangyeon. He grabs  my wrists and leans in.

“How dare you talk to other men, especially him.” Sangyeon growls in my ear. “You’re mine.”

I stare at him in disbelief as he faces me again. “I-I will never be yours. You can't tell me what to do.”

A smirk slowly appears on his face. “Oh yeah? We will see about that, princess.”

Before I could even think of a witty response back, Sangyeon grabbed my face and his lips were on mine, and I felt my tough interior crumble as I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him even closer, bodies touching.

He kisses me again. And again. Like he is possessing me. And it was working as I kissed him back hard. “You are mine” Sangyeon whispers against my lips. “No one else’s.” Sangyeon starts kissing down my neck, lightly sucking on certain parts, while I’m biting my lip trying to hold back my moans. It felt so goddamn good, but I'm stubborn and didn't want him to have the upper hand. Sangyeon sucks hard on the crook of my neck, making me release my lips and moan as I feel him smirk against my neck. He won, I lost and now I am melting into his touch.

Sangyeon kisses my shoulders and exposed collarbones, stops and chuckles into the crook of my neck.

“You know I picked this dress for you. Not Kevin.” he says while unzipping my gown.

“What?” I whisper, shocked.

“You heard me.” Then my dress is on the ground, leaving me in just my black strapless bra and panties.  Sangyeon is staring at my body with lust covered eyes as I just stare back at him, both of us breathing heavily, a boner starting to appear in his velvet suit pants.

“Wow, you’re so fucking beautiful.” He says quickly before kissing me again hard on the lips, shoving each other's tongues deep inside our mouths.

“Jump” He mumbles against my mouth and I obey, wrapping my legs around him as he carries me to his bedroom, never breaking the kiss.

When we enter his room, he lays me down softly on the huge mattress and proceeds to take my bra off, leaving me topless.

“God, these tits.” I hear him growl as I hiss at the cold air hitting my bare breasts, but the hissing quickly turns into moans as Sangyeon takes my right nipple into his mouth and sucks on it while playing with the other one using his hand.

“Fuck.” I moan loudly, mouth parting.

After rotating, sucking and playing with my breasts, Sangyeon removes his mouth from my nipple and starts to kiss down my stomach, inching towards my panties.

“You're such a good girl for me.” He coos on my stomach as I moan and squirm. Sangyeon brushes his fingers lightly against the fabric of my panties and looks up at me and mouths “you sure?” I nod my head back. He smiles before removing my panties with his teeth. I am now bare naked in front of a fully clothed Lee Sangyeon.

Sangyeon positions himself right in front of my pussy and spreads my legs open as I gasp and watch him lean down. He kisses and sucks on both my thighs, guaranteeing hickeys in those spots later on.

“You’re so fucking ethereal, Y/n.” Sangyeon mumbles and kisses the tops of my thighs softly, and before I could even think, his mouth was on my clit and I scream.

“FUCK Sangyeon oh my god!” I arch my back and moan loud as he licks into my clit.

“So wet me for me already.” He murmurs against my pussy.

He starts to suck and kiss my clit and I can’t breathe. I could feel his tongue exploring my entire pussy, eating it up as if it was his favorite food. My hands found his soft light brown hair and as I ran my hands through it, he sucked on my clit even harder. After for what seemed like seconds, Sangyeon comes up for air and proceeds to put a finger slowly in my hole, pumping in and out.

“You tasted so good, I can’t wait to see how you take my fingers and then my cock.” Sangyeon rasps out as he adds another finger as I'm a moaning mess below him.

“FUCK! Im gonna-” “Cum for me babygirl.” He says while pumping his fingers faster. I arch my back and scream his name while I cum onto his rough digits. He removes them from my pussy and sucks on the juices that got on them.

“Tastes so sweet.” He says while licking his fingers clean and staring directly at my hooded eyes and parted mouth.

Before I can even catch my breath, his lips are on mine quickly, stands up from the bed and unbuttons his blazer, revealing his amazing toned upper body and taking off his pants and boxers, cock slapping against his abs. He was huge, I gulp knowing that that's going to be inside me soon.

“I'm on the pill!” I hear myself blurt out. Sangyeon chuckles at that.

“Good to know y/n.” He says with a smile while running a hand through his hair before positioning himself over my body, hands on each side of me and aligning his cock with my hole.

“This is gonna hurt.” I thought to myself, since the last time I had sex was high school and it was awful to say the least.

Sangyeon starts to slide his dick in slowly and I can’t breathe again.

“Fuck. You're such a tight baby girl.” He rasps out as I let out a string of curses.

Sangyon thrusts into me slowly at first, but when he realizes i'm no longer screaming and just moaning, he removes his cock and slams it back into me hard and fast, which makes me lose my mind. He swears under his breath a few times before he speeds up the movements. I wrap my arms and legs around him, leaving scratches on his back as he leans closer to me and touches his forehead with mine.

“You're so beautiful sprawled out like this under me princess.” he growls into my ear as he thrusts even harder into my pussy, making both of us swear and moan each other's names as I move my hands from his back to his hair and he moves his to play with my nipples.

Between Sangyeon pinching my nipples and his cock tearing me open, the pleasure flowing through right now is something I have never felt before.

“Shit y/n!” Sangyeon grunts and thrusts hard once more into my pussy and pulls his dick out and uses his right hand to pump out his orgasm all over my stomach. His other hand reaches down to rub my clit in circles while kissing my neck and leaving more hickeys to help ride out my second orgasm of the night.

“Fuck Sangyeon!” I scream as I release all over his fingers once again. He licks it up again and mumbles “so sweet princess.” while looking at my dilated pupils.

He gets off me and rolls over so that he's beside my overstimulated body but head is tilted towards my direction.

“Are you okay?” Sangyeon asks me, concerned eyes looking over my shaking body that's struggling to even look at where he is.

“I'm amazing.” I respond back softly, him sighing in relief as he strokes my cheek with his knuckle.

“I've wanted to do this for so long.” He whispers and smiles softly at me.

“Me too.” I whisper back smiling as he kisses my lips softly and jumps out of bed, and runs into the connected bathroom fully naked leaving me alone in his huge bed, body paralyzed.

Sangyeon returns with a washcloth and a bowl of warm water and moves my shaking body so I'm lying on his leg while he dips the cloth in the water and starts to clean me up.

“You did so well for me. You were so beautiful when you came. So beautiful for me.” He murmurs to me fondly, rubbing the cloth over my body tenderly as I'm falling in and out of slumber. As I fall asleep, Sangyeon gets into bed next to me and tucks us both in. He kisses my forehead and wraps his arms around my waist and I rest my head on his chest.

“What a night.” I think to myself before dozing off in Sangyeons strong arms, moonlight shining through the huge windows.

Tomorrow is a new day, where we decide what happens next. But one thing's for sure.

I am addicted to Lee Sangyeon.

~

Light shines through the windows as I open my eyes to an unfamiliar surrounding, and then it hits me. I had mindblowing sex with Lee Sangyeon and now I am lying naked, tangled in his bedsheets. I feel an arm loosely draped around my bare waist. As I sigh and glance over next to me, I find Sangyeon lying on his side, staring at me with fond eyes.

“Good morning, beautiful.” He whispers to me in his deep morning voice. Swoon.

“Good morning, handsome.” I whisper back to him with a smile on my face.

I untangle myself from his arm, and attach my lips softly to his. Sangyeon does not react at first, but proceeds to kiss me back softly and full of tenderness as he cups my face into his hands. I break the kiss and lay my head on his bare chest.

“Last night was amazing.” Sangyeon murmurs into my hair and kisses my temple as I nod back.

Oh fuck, I just remembered. I sat up and faced the man with wide eyes.

“What's wrong baby?” Sangyeon asks, genuinely concerned.

“Fuck, what do I tell Kevin?” I gape at him.

Sangyeon chuckles loudly, eyes crinkling as he grabs my waist and pulls me down towards him. He tickles me, making me laugh.

After lying in bed for what seemed like hours and just talking, Sangyeon reaches over to the night table next to him. He grabs his phone and starts to furiously type as I just stare at his fingers flying across the screen.

“I told Jacob he is in charge over at the house this weekend, which means I get to spend it all with you.” He says as he puts his phone back down. Apparently, now I was spending the weekend at Sangyeon’s luxury penthouse. Good thing I didn’t have work this weekend.

After taking a shower in Sangyeon’s massive ensuite bathroom (and looking at myself in the mirror, in shock at the sight of my hickeys across my body), I changed into the clothes he left me, which seems to be his boxers and a blue and pink pullover sweater. I walk out of the bedroom towards the kitchen to find a very shirtless Sangyeon putting waffles on the island counter. He briefly explained to me earlier that he sent all his staff home, including his cooks, so it could just be us in the penthouse.

“Wow, waffles? You really know the way to a girl's heart.” I say amused as I take a seat on one of the island chairs.

He laughs loud and leans over the island, arms resting on the counter. “It's one of the only things I know how to make, so expect take out the rest of the weekend.” Sangyeon says with a smile on his beautiful face as I wolfed down the waffles in front of me.

“One day I’ll teach you how to cook.” I wink at him.

Sangyeon grabs my hand softly and rubs his thumb over my knuckles and kisses them softly. “I would love that, y/n.” He says with a smile on his face.

The rest of the day is spent just relaxing. Sangyeon shows me around his penthouse, from his impressive indoor gym to his walk in closet in which he implies that will once be mine as well. I ignore his comment. Afterwards, he shows me the tv room where a massive flat screen was attached to the wall and asks me to pick a movie, which I pick The Notebook.

“Really y/n?” Sangyeon rolls his eyes as he sets the movie up.

“Yes Sangyeon really. Now come sit here and enjoy.” I respond as I pat the spot on the leather couch next to me.

After the movie, and laughing at an almost crying Sangyeon, I go to retrieve my phone from my clutch to find 15 missed calls from Kevin.

“Oh good! He didn't kill you!” Kevin cries in my ear after picking up after the first ring.

“Yes Kev, I'm totally fine.” I respond quietly.

“Did you guys fuck?” Kevin asks and when I don’t respond, he screams into the phone, which makes me cringe and move the device away from my ear.

“OMG I KNEW IT YOU HAVE TO TELL ME EVERYTHING! WAS HIS DICK AS BIG AS JACOB AND I THOUGHT?” He yells into the phone as I softly chuckle and proceeds to tell everything to a panicking Kevin.

“Holy shit. I owe Eric $50.” Kevin sighs into the phone after I explained everything to him.

“You were betting on me? Anyways I don't even wanna know.” I say annoyed.

“Are you guys like a thing now?” He asks me.

“I'm not entirely sure.” I reply unsure.

“Well no matter what, I support you sweetcheeks.” Kevin assures.

I snort. “Thanks Kev, right back at you. Gotta go now eat dinner, I'll update you later.”

Kevin laughs. “Enjoy Sangyeons big d-” I hung up on him.

That night found Sangyeon and I, fully clothed, cuddled in bed and holding each other, just listening to each other's heartbeat and making small talk.

“Sangyeon, how did you become the leader of TBZ?” I asked, looking up at him from where my head was on his chest.

He sighs and looks straight ahead. “For generations, a Lee has always led the gang, no matter what. It was between my cousins and myself, but my elders picked me, as my dad was the former leader before he passed and I've always been a leader, even since I was a young boy,” Sangyeon replies.

“I’m so sorry.” I say to him. He smiles softly and kisses my cheek.

“Don’t worry about me princess. Tell me, what are you studying?” He asks me.

“I'm studying childhood studies and english lit  so after I graduate I can enroll in a teachers college. I wanna be an elementary school teacher.” I answer him proudly.

Sangyeon smiles at me fondly. “You will be an amazing teacher.” He says while stroking my face with his hands. He kisses me softly as I melt into his touch.

After not being so sure about Sangyeon, I have come to realize how amazing he is. I can feel myself starting to like him more and more each day.

I am his and he is mine and in the end, it's him and I.

~

Months pass, and Sangyeon and I can’t get enough of each other. Everyday when I finish my shift at work, he picks me up and we either go to his place or mine to have dinner. Last week I even taught him how to boil pasta! But, sometimes we don’t even make it to dinner because I end up riding him in the back of his luxury car. Whoops.

One day while we were lying in bed after having sex, I sat up.

“Wait Sangyeon, what are we?” I asked him, facing where he was lying on his back.

Sangyeon sat up next to me.  “Well y/n, I'm extremely fond of you and think you are the most intelligent and beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on, and I wish to give you nothing but happiness and satisfaction. I would love nothing more than for you to be my girlfriend,” He says to me, a glimmer in his eyes.

I stare at him, shocked because no one has ever said anything like this to me, and then I felt myself smile at him as I wrap my arms around his shoulders.

“Yes Lee Sangyeon, I will be your girlfriend. I will be yours.”

He smiles wide back at me. “Then you are all mine.” He whispers back as he connects his lips with mine for a passionate kiss.

Kevin thinks it’s hilarious that I wear more turtlenecks more often, which always makes me turn beet red. Because when Sangyeon and I have sex, he doesn’t just bite, he chews on my body like a fucking dog (“Doesnt it feel so good though?” “Kevin I swear to god.”) I have also gotten to meet Sangyeon’s entire gang, made up of 11 men including himself, and watching Sangyeon speak to them so confidently and leader-like makes my heart flutter. Yeah, I definitely think I’ve fallen in love with Lee Sangyeon.

A rainy Thursday afternoon found me finishing up my shift at work, getting ready to close the cafe as the only employee left. Sangyeon had texted me earlier saying he couldn't pick me up today due to an important meeting, so I was stuck walking home alone. Which was fine with me since my apartment was only a ten minute walk from the cafe.

As I was locking up the cafe doors, I heard a car engine behind me. I turned around smiling, expecting to see Sangyeon, but my smile faded, when the window opened and Bang Chan was in the passenger seat, pointing a gun at me.

“Y/n. Get in the car right now so no one gets hurt.” He commands me in a monotone voice.

“Never.” I sneer back at him and start to back away from the car.

“Fine. Guess we are doing this the hard way.” He replies.

Before I could sprint away, someone appeared behind me, put a cloth to my mouth and grabbed my waist. As the world around me went black, all I could think was, “Lee Sangyeon is going to murder you for stealing his girl.”

Blood. Blood is dripping from a gash in my forehead when I regain consciousness. I look around frantically to find myself in what looked like an abandoned warehouse with my hands and legs tied together with heavy rope.

“Help!” I scream loudly, but that did not do anything for my situation. Instead, Bang Chan enters with another man holding a rifle and I feel another scream forming in my throat. The rope tied around my hands and legs were digging into my flesh and I could feel blood emerging from them.

“Ah y/n! Lee’s playtoy! Glad to see you awake!” Bang Chan claps and smiles at me wickedly while I just glare back.

“TBZ knows you're with us sweetheart.” He says. “We told them it's either you or the money.”

My mouth opens and then closes. “What money? I swear I don't know anything, he never tells me about his work,” I cry to him.

“LIES!” Bang Chan screams. “Han. Go get her.” The other man - Han - walks over to me, ignites the rifle and puts it against my head hard. I start to cry even harder and squirm in my spot even though I feel the rope burning getting worse.

“We are going to try this again y/n. Where is the money?” Bang Chan yells into my face. I spat at him and Han forced the gun to my already bleeding forehead harder.

“I'm done. Shoot her.” Bang Chan shouts.

“No, please don't shoot!” I cry, knowing nothing will make a difference.

As I felt Han press down on the trigger, I stop thrashing and sat still. At this point, there was nothing I could do to stop this myself.

Lee Sangyeon, don't forget about me.

“DON’T FUCKING TOUCH HER!” A familiar voice yells behind Bang Chan.

I wail loud with my last bit of strength I had.  “Help m-” BOOM!

Around me, I see the building collapse, rubble hitting my head as it knocks me over. Gunshots were loud and clear although my ears were ringing loud.

The last thing I remember before blacking out again were strong arms pulling me out of rubble.

Beeping. White ceiling. That is what I see and hear when I finally regain consciousness again. Looking around the plain room, I can see that I’m in a hospital bed. There is a bandage on my head and I can feel both my wrists and feet bandaged tightly, as well as an IV in my right arm. I move my head to the right slowly to the hallway window and see guards are positioned outside the hospital room. “Anything for Lee Sangyeon’s girl.” I think to myself and chuckle.

Wait. Sangyeon. Where is he? Is he alive?

“Hey sweet cheeks.” I hear a voice from the other side of the room. I slowly turn my head to see Kevin standing up from the couch that is in front of my bed and smiling at me.

“I'm glad you're okay. You woke up earlier than the doctors thought. You don’t have to worry about the Stray Kids gang anymore. They all died in the explosion.” He explains to me.

I nod my head slowly.

“Sangyeon. Where is Sangyeon?” I rasp out to Kevin.

Kevin softly smirks and shakes his head at the ground. “He's okay, he was here a few minutes ago, he hasn’t left your side in days. I’ll go get him, he's just getting his bandages touched up. He got injured in the explosion while pulling you out of the rubble.” Kevin tells me as I feel tears in my eyes. He would’ve sacrificed himself to save my life.

After patting my head softly, Kevin left the room to get Sangyeon, leaving me alone crying softly.

“Y/n.” I gasp and sit up and look towards the door, where the love of my life, Lee Sangyeon is standing with white bandages on his left arm and tears streaming down his scratched up, but beautiful face. Seeing him standing in front of me, makes me cry even harder. Without saying anything, I rip the IV out of my arm, slide out of the bed and jump into Sangyeons arms, and engulf him in a hug, which he gladly returns.

“I thought I lost you.” I cry into his shoulder as he sits down on the bed with me on his lap. I move my head to stare into his beautiful eyes, that still have his usual shimmer, even after all that has happened. “You'll never lose me.” He whispers fondly as he cups my face in his hands and wipes away my tears softly with his right thumb.

Sangyeon held me like I was a broken doll, fragile but sweet. He whispered sorry to me over and over again, which I quickly shushed and ran a bandaged hand through his soft brown hair.

“I love you so much.” I say to him, grabbing his neck softly and pulling him towards me.

“I love you more princess.” He says while smiling wide at me, which made me smile back at him as we connected foreheads.

~

“God Sangyeon. Go take a shower you stink.” I say to him as we enter his penthouse after being in the hospital for days, which ended with the doctor clearing both of us. I got the bandages on my head, hands, and feet, and he got his bandages removed.

“And you don’t smell y/n?” He smirks at me as I scoff. “Shower with me.” He says, eyes darkening as my breath hitches.

“Okay.” I nod, and we are on our way to his huge ensuite bathroom.

We both strip out of our dirty clothes and get into the massive glass shower, me going in first with Sangyeon following.

I watch him pump the liquid from the shampoo bottle into his hands, and lather the shampoo into my hair as he stands behind me.

“You’re so fucking beautiful Y/n” Sangyeon tells me as I lean my back into his chest. His hands lightly trace my body, lingering on my lower stomach and my breasts. I could feel his erection growing, and being the little greedy bitch I am, I grind down on it slowly. All of a sudden, he turns me around and attaches his lips to mine hard, and we are both caught in a rough make out session. He breaks the kiss and stares at me with lust clouded eyes.

“Are you gonna take care of this princess?” Sangyeon asks me while his eyes are motioning to his cock.

“Yes Sir.” I reply, not sure where that came from, as he pushes my shoulders down lightly and I feel myself fall to my knees.

Without thinking, I grab his hard cock with my hands and pump it a few times.I licked the slit tasting the precum that had come out, before sinking my mouth down his shaft softly, making him swear under his breath.

“Fuck you’re such a good girl. You suck my cock so well.” He hisses while grabbing my hair and guiding my head back and forth while I lap up his precum. He guides my head so that I swallow his cock and I gag on it a bit, which makes him growl loudly. My watering eyes glanced up at Sangyeon to see his head tilted back, mouth open partially.

“Fuck y/n I’m gonna cum. Gonna dirty up that hot mouth of yours.” Sangyeon rasps out as I feel his hot cum go down my throat as he rides out his orgasm. I release myself from his dripping cock and swallow the cum that had landed in my mouth.

“Fuck y/n. Princess. You're so good at that.” He cooes at me while helping me stand up and kisses me quickly and firmly on the mouth.

“Do I get something for being good, Sir?” I ask him while batting my eyes together, trying to pout as much as I could.

“That depends, what do you want? You want me to fuck you in this shower until you can't walk” He asks me loudly.

“God yes!” I answer him. Sangyeon picks me up like I weigh nothing as I wrap my legs and arms around his broad body.

“FUCK!” I scream as Sangyeon slams his cock into my pussy without any warning.

“You’re so fucking tight, shit.” Sangyeon curses under his breath.

I moan like crazy as Sangyeon fucks me hard, every thrust hitting my g-spot.

“You feel so good y/n. Your tight pussy feels amazing around my cock.” He rasps out before sucking on my jaw, making me arch my back and moan. I could feel my orgasm coming already. Sangyeon is a sex god and he knew how to have me cumming within seconds.

“I'm gonna cum in you, y/n, ok? I want you to feel my hot cum inside of you.” He growls in my ear as I loudly moan. I couldn't even answer him, I just nodded my head while leaving scratches on his back.

“FUCK!” We both scream and cum at the same time, I shudder feeling Sangyeons hot load entering my pussy. He drops his head onto my shoulder, whispering praise in my ear as I'm shaking in his arms. Both of us panting and sweating, even underneath the water. When he pulls his cock out, his cum and my cum is dripping fast out of my pussy. Sangyeon puts me down but I start to fall over, so he catches me and starts to snicker.

“Well I guess we have to take a real shower now and clean ourselves up.” He says amusingly as I roll my eyes and smack his chest as he laughs.

~

June 2021, I finally graduate college! As my name is being called, shouts and cheers come from the audience as I look and see the entire TBZ gang jumping up and down. My smile grows even bigger when I'm shaking the headmaster's hand and see Sangyeon, my boyfriend of one year, in the audience holding a bouquet of red roses with a huge proud smile on his face. After enrolling in teacher’s college and officially moving in with Sangyeon, Kevin announces to everyone over a gang family dinner that he and Jacob are getting married, and that I'm his best person, which makes the whole gang erupt in chaos. Sangyeon has to calm everyone down, and congratulates the happy couple fondly, knowing that everyone will be as supportive when he finally asks his best girl to marry him.

Two months later I found myself at the MoonBae wedding. During the reception, Kevin calls all the non-married men and women to the dance floor so he can throw the bouquet. What shocks everyone the most is when I catch it, making Kevin and Jacob both scream and tackle me in a hug. Sangyeon chokes on his glass of scotch and turns purple watching the whole event unfold.

Sangyeon proposes to me one quiet night four months after Kevin and Jacob’s wedding as we are both drinking wine and watching the sunset on his penthouse balcony.

“Y/n, You are the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me.” He says to me with tears in eyes as he gets down on one knee. “Will you marry me?” Sangyeon asks.

“Yes! Of course I’ll marry you. ” I answer him crying.

Sangyeon smiles wide at me and picks me up and spins me around before kissing me passionately.

“I love you so much y/n l/n.”

“I love you more Lee Sangyeon.”

“You’re mine forever.”

“And I'm yours.”

well i hope you enjoyed! sorry if it was bad or rushed again it was my first time hehe

stream breaking dawn and support tbz on kingdom :D

[kingofthewilderwest]

what do you think of the ending of fmab? do you think it was well-written how ed was able to give up his gate of truth? i personally think it's a deus ex machina bc even if it WAS possible to give away your gate, it's kinda cheap that it has the same worth as Al's soul when it was established souls are invaluable. also even if ed did learn alchemy isnt all too great, i can still never see him choosing alchemy over their bodies even before he learned this lesson

I think it’s a downright *BRILLIANT* ending.

I would say it’s clearly planned from the beginning. Arakawa established the rules of equivalent exchange from the start. And one of the things she shows is that Ed could trade his leg for Al’s soul. I’m more used to hearing the FMA fandom joking about that exchange rather than Ed exchanging Al’s body and soul for the Gate of Truth, a gateway which is so powerful that entering inside of it provides you with all knowledge and understanding of the universe, not to mention the power of alchemy, which allows you to manipulate matter in magic-esque ways with ease. To me, it’s weirder to swap a leg with a soul, but I accepted the premise there (given as it’s a soul without a body, I can fly with it), so I’m more than fine accepting the exchange of Ultimate Knowledge And Power Of Everything with one human’s life.

Given as every character has a gateway, and it’s tied up into your identity, it seems just as plausible to me that someone could give up your gateway, just as you can a soul, or a leg, or your eyesight.

And it’s to note that... Truth has a say in the exchange. Ed is still the person offering his gate; Truth is the being accepting it. Truth approves of Ed’s loophole. Truth is the arbiter who takes things away when someone commits the taboo of Human Transmutation, and Truth intentionally takes away body parts that are representative of the person’s flaw. Truth knew about Ed’s arrogance from the beginning; Truth knows about what Ed learns now.

And what is it that Ed has learned?

As far as Ed and lessons, I believe that Ed giving up his ability to do alchemy is the entire demonstration of Ed learning a lesson. It’s the culmination of his character growth arc, in a way. 

Ed started as an arrogant character, one who believed alchemy was the ultimate way in which he could solve challenges - in some ways, rise above humanity's struggles. Alchemy will provide a solution to saving their bodies, too, he believes. Throughout the series, Ed and Al realize that they're only human. Moments like being unable to save Nina, or witnessing the birth in Rush Valley, or going through all the near-deaths they have in their adventures... make them see that what's truly great about humanity is its... humanity. Ed becomes humbled in understanding what he can and can't do, and at the same time, comes to find where the greatest value in his experiences are: his friends and family and the people around him.

FMA lets us know humanity's abilities are limited. We can't do everything. We can't raise the dead. We can't create life from nothing. This is all interconnected into the scholarship of Amestrian alchemy, especially as taught by Izumi: all living things are small in the grand scheme of the universe, but they’re interconnected into something incredible. We are one part of All is One and One is All. BUT. Humanity is also beautiful in what it can do: unite together, help one another, live together, fight for what's right. And as the FMA manga and FMAB shows, humanity is a beautiful thing, and all of human life should be cherished. It doesn't matter if you're a chimera, or a soul bound to armor, or Ishvalan, or Amestrian, or Xingese: your life is profoundly beautiful and worth being saved.

It’s to note that the reason the good guys win against Father is because of FMAB’s theme of how humanity unified is the ultimate best thing of humanity.  It’s this bonding strength of humanity that allows them to defeat Father. It’s the Dwarf in the Flask’s downfall to underestimate the power of working together over brute power and alchemical doings.

Likewise, the solution to getting Al’s body back isn’t alchemy: it’s the bond of the human spirit.

Ed giving up alchemy isn't a throwaway last minute deus ex machina, I’d say, because it’s integrated into the biggest themes of the story and the plot developments and Ed’s character development and more. By the end of the series, Ed has become humbler and wiser in acknowledging the limits of alchemy and the strength of humanity. It’s Ed having learned his lesson that alchemy is not all-powerful, to the point that it’s fine to give it up... to sacrifice it, in the ultimate act of solidarity to be with his brother.

The way I read you describing Ed’s exchange, you’re suggesting Ed never learned alchemy isn’t too great, or that Ed wouldn’t prioritize alchemy over physical bodies. Yet I think that Ed giving up alchemy is the culmination of an entire series of Ed learning better about alchemy’s strengths and weaknesses, and Ed growing into appreciating the strength of human character. Ed isn’t just trading clappy science for bodies here. Ed is making a trade to get what he finds most important: a promise to his brother kept, and a sacrifice to make his brother and him move forward in their personal lives. What Ed finds the more important thing isn’t the power of alchemy... but what he can do as a human with his brother. 

ALL of Al is now trapped behind the gate... without this exchange, Ed would never be with his brother again. And that bond Ed has forged with Al was always powerful from the start of the series, and inseparable, and deeper than his love for alchemy. And Ed, with an even greater appreciation for the human spirit at the end of the journey, is more than prepared to drop alchemy for a human bond.

Ed giving up alchemy is fine because he's human, and will be able to experience the great things of human life without alchemy. He'll be able to be with his brother again. He'll be able to live a life with Winry. Alchemy isn't needed for that. Alchemy can't save everything, anyway - they couldn't save Nina with it. Ed's much less arrogant than before, and is willing to give up alchemy for something he understands is much more beautiful and important. 

I’m sorry that this is a skimpy (for me) response, because I’m writing off the top of my head rather than pulling open the text and posting in manga graphics demonstrating my points. It would be fun to talk about this in more depth. Analyzing specific quotes and scenes throughout the manga and anime. Looking in depth at that final conversation with Truth. That stuff. But. I also recognize I have significantly less time in my life than I have in eras past. So I hope this answer suffices! In short, I feel like Arakawa had this ending planned from the start, interwove it with many important concepts that she developed through the series, and came up with a CLEVER AS FUCK loophole as to how Ed and Al can exit Truth’s presence whole - the brothers, who have shown to be intertwined in their beings throughout the series, can now walk together out one door.

[atalana]

[copied over from my cr blog, also this is gonna get long, i’d apologise but im not sorry]

okay, so

this is a rant probably about 7 years in the making, bc when i first watched lok i had not done any music study, i had not done any composing of my own, my knowledge of music theory was at a primary school level and i still thought tv soundtracks were just made by one person composing a whole cache of music and then the audio editors pick and choose what track to place where

(spoiler alert that’s not how film and tv scoring works, i have now done a music composition course where we had to score a short film, among other things, and i have so much more respect for tv composers jesus christ)

but this one stuck out to me even way back then, bc me barely knowing what a leitmotif was was like “hey this one little refrain keeps popping up whenever bolin does lavabending, and i like it, i’m gonna see if it’s on the soundtrack”

it was not, and that’s sort of where i left it back in 2014, but i actually did a rewatch of lok pretty recently out of nostalgia, and then noticed it even more

and to explain why (and this is also a little bit why five’s stuck out to me in tua, i’ll get to that in another ask), let’s cover, leitmotifs, and tv scoring in general

so a leitmotif is basically just a short musical idea that represents something in a piece of music. when i studied motivic development we were encouraged to make that motif four notes or less, and then develop it into something longer (aka a theme), because if you can constantly come back to a really short idea while keeping the piece moving, that’s what makes a piece of music memorable

(you can ignore those rules on purpose but that’s a different essay)

so the most common way that a leitmotif shows up in soundtracks is to represent a character or a location - you play the motif when that character shows up or when you’re in that location and boom, the audience associates that motif with that person place or thing, and you can then use this to tell the audience things without actually telling them. for example, star wars playing the imperial march whenever someone does something darth vader related - darth vader isn’t on screen, but you can feel his presence, because his music is playing

and if we were a film score, where we have two hours to show one particular character’s development, great! we give them a simple motif, and then as they grow as a person we change their motif to reflect what is happening to them, until we end up with something that communicates on a subconscious level how much they’ve grown. we toss in as much symbolism as we can, and we have a really great soundtrack that’s instantly memorable

tv scoring, is harder. partially because of time constraints (have you ever composed half an hour of original music a week, and had to make sure it fits perfectly with every beat of what’s happening on screen? these guys have), partially because there’s a much larger focus on ensemble casts

so what atla and lok do, for the most part, is not score individual character motifs for everyone. this is fairly common in tv soundtracks, instead we score ideas, concepts, and feelings - these’ll come up a lot more and give you more information than just “oh hey this character’s on screen”

the avatar state, for example, has the strongest and most recognisable theme across both shows. i’m linking an atla track in here because it has the best example but you’ll know this shows up with korra too - and with particularly important moments for wan, for kyoshi, etc. they also appear in the opening of both shows, four strong notes that start and end on the same note (in the case of what i’m linking, it’s an F#)

the first part of this track is the more uncertain, pensive theme that comes up when both avatars are feeling doubt/worry/sadness, but then it transitions into the more recognisable four. worth noting though, those are both basically the same motif. if i write them out back to back, you’ll notice they both have four notes and start and end on F#. if i had to guess, four notes four elements, and it comes back to the start because the avatar is a cycle.

korra has a theme for when she’s fighting, but not an individual character theme. the airbenders as a concept have a theme, republic city has thematic instruments, as do some big name characters, like iroh and his tsungi horn (this is also a cross-series thing, he’s always playing it in atla, it shows up when zuko has to make big moral decisions, and when we first meet iroh in the spirit world in lok, it shows up there too, to let the audience know who this is before we properly see him)

so, if korra doesn’t get a single theme and instead has several for different aspects of her life, and mako and asami follow along with the mood of the story like all the other characters, the fact that bolin has a personal leitmotif at all, let alone a solid, developing one, is pretty remarkable!

now, granted, it mostly starts with book 3, before then he was like every other character, but it has clear symbolism through those last two books! and, initially i thought it was related only to his lavabending, since that’s most of when it shows up, but since my rewatch, i’ve started calling it his hero theme

see, when people wanna criticise mako and bolin, usually the comments they get are that bolin’s too immature and mako’s too serious/uptight. but like, that’s how they work, you can’t analyse either of them without the context of the other. since they were little kids on the streets, bolin chases his heart and mako makes sure they don’t die from it, that is their entire childhood. and neither would have got here on their own because mako wouldn’t take the necessary risks and bolin wouldn’t take the necessary precautions. (like. remove either one from the equation and they’d still be working for the triple threats bc s1 and their flashback miniseries make pretty clear that bolin got them out and mako kept them out)

and then book 2 proves it! because it splits team avatar up, and what happens? bolin is totally taken advantage of by varrick and used as a pawn in his evil plan and mako ends up in jail

so what’s book 3, to them? it’s, being able to find themselves without having that codependency. mako no longer has someone to protect, which is what he’s based his whole life around so far - bolin’s doing fine and he’s no longer dating either korra or asami. and bolin’s trying his hand at some of that responsibility (look at how he immediately adopts kai who is explicitly them but younger because he wants to be the older brother for once). most importantly, they find the rest of their family, and stop being defined by being orphans. they don’t have to be that singular piece of a puzzle, they can just be themselves. and that’s where bolin’s character really starts to shine, because that’s when they bring in the bending plot, and bending, perhaps more than any other character, really gets to the heart of who bolin is

if you want more of my thoughts on that i have an essay here, but tl;dr: bolin’s an extremely powerful earthbender, but he’s not a metalbender because metalbending requires you to double down on the earth characteristics and think like an earthbender, and bolin doesn’t, he’s too fluid for that, which is one of his major strengths, so of course he can lavabend

and finally - to his motif itself! (as a note, i’ve put all of these in the same key to show where it repeats, but there’s a variety of keys used in the show)

as far as i can find, it first shows up in s3e8, when bolin stuns p’li with this well placed shot

[Edit: it first showed up in the s2 finale, but again in a simplified version and again with him doing something heroic with earthbending, so we can still start the analysis here]

mako volunteers bolin for that job, because he knew bolin was capable of it. why? because bolin landed an identical shot earlier in the episode, after trying to metalbend, getting frustrated he can’t, and cheating with some extremely well aimed earthbending. it’s just a short refrain and you barely notice it, but it’s the first connection of this motif with the theme of bolin’s bending

it looks like this, and it’s always played on a trumpet, which is part of why i call it the hero theme, because, if you’re looking at music from a western perspective, trumpets were used to herald kings, and then used to represent military glory, and then when superhero themes started happening, they used trumpets too - it’s basically western music shorthand for hero these days

(it’s also symmetrical so that helps with the good vibes)

and he’s saving everyone here, so it’s linked to his bending, but it’s also linked to his heroism

it ties the two together, and they are tied together.

when’s the next time it shows up? episode 10, when the brothers are in prison in ba sing se, and bolin tries to metalbend them out. again, he’s doing this to save people, and this motif gets a few notes added on to the end in a raising pattern - they’re inspiring, but they don’t go anywhere. which is exactly what happens in the scene, because he’s trying to go about this in the wrong way. mako believes in him, but it won’t (and doesn’t) work

it appears in episode 12 when bolin saves everyone from ghazan destroying the temple, in a more fancy orchestral remake of the first version - it’s impressive, but it hasn’t actually developed yet, it’s just his discovery of it

the book 3 finale already has its own fucking amazing soundtrack, i love that entire episode’s score, but it gets its own moment there too, and the first real development!

because what we hear is not what we’ve heard before. we know it’s the same theme, because it’s using those signature trumpets, but it’s the second part of this phrase, the answer to the question supplied by the first one. why? because bolin’s figured out who he is and he’s starting to use it. it still hasn’t settled yet though, it’s early days and he’s still just turning ghazan’s lava back on him, so again, it raises, leaving it on a question mark

it doesn’t appear in s4e7 when he lavabends as a warning against the escaped prisoners, because he’s using it as a threat, not to help people. but it does later in the episode when he uses lavabending to save them from kuvira. and that’s when we get the first full phrase, question and answer

it keeps the first motif identical, takes out the first note of the second, and ties them together - except now it’s not open ended, now it knows where it’s going - it’s been three years, at this point bolin is confident in both himself and his bending

and then that phrase appears all over the place in the finale, because all bolin does is save people - everyone from the exploding building, he slows the giant mecha with lavabending, he saves opal, he slows the giant mecha again by collapsing a building on it, and most importantly, he’s the one rescuing his brother this time, instead of the other way around (though that one doesn’t get a motif appearance bc admittedly a fuck ton of other things are happening in the soundtrack at the time)

so to that question asked in book three - who is bolin when not next to someone else? well, funnily enough, we saw it in book two as well, just in a warped way, playing nuktuk. it just wasn’t truly him because it was created by varrick, and he needed to get away from varrick too. the question put forward by the narrative is who is bolin, and the answer given by the music is, he is a hero. and i don’t know why bolin is the only one to get a theme like this, but i think it may have something to do with the fact that, while everyone in team avatar has been a hero and saved people, he is the only one who has, from the start, solely been motivated by wanting to help people. he follows his heart, and his heart cares, about everyone. it’s been the driving force behind almost everything he’s ever done. and i love him so much

[transsexualhamlet]

asmr i psychoanalyze my favorite war criminal, aka calling out norman the essay

basically all of my thoughts on norman on one callout post because i care him (both manga and anime are discussed)

LINK TO RAY PSYCHOANALYSIS:  https://chaoticgaymess.tumblr.com/post/646749875570196480/ray-81194-the-long-explanation 

this is going to be ungodly long so here’s a keep reading, essay below the cut

((tw for suicidal ideation and self harm, brief discussion of eating disorders))

Disclaimer: no shipping is included here this is just about norman also they’re kids who call each other siblings

Thoughts: So you may be thinking, Rowan, why do you yell about the colorless war criminal so often? Well the answer lies in your honor the court hates to see a girlboss winning. Norman is a girlboss :) Yes norman is a tiny twink who can't lift a milk jug. And he is a girlboss :) Obviously I don't condone, um, eugenics and all, but that's not the point the point is that he satisfies my need for more characters like Levi motherfucking Calder from Unwind because I’m apparently an edgy 13 year old. Also all of his problems are violently things I can fix and I keep him around as a pet project because someone needs to give him a hug and slap him on the face

I diagnose him with things: 

-pisces man :pensive:

-is he albino? Not literally. Is his skin so pale he would catch fire if he went outside at noon? Yes.

-autism: Yes I’m aware that calling him autistic makes him, problematic rep by perpetuating the autism unfeeling savant stereotype whatever but have you considered i’m autistic and I’m projecting also he’s L with standards? Anyway traits of AuTism he has: hyper   fixation, canonically breaks and fixes things over and over because like ofc he does, doesn’t understand Emotion, hyperaware of body language at the same time as it all somehow flying over his head, low empathy, sensory experiences™, min maxed in certain areas, and I don’t think he’s got social interaction quite right? There’s something off about it

-gifted kid (derogatory) This is self explanatory but basically him being the smartest and the best in a competitive environment caused most of his issues, such as the perfectionism, the need to succeed, the lack of self esteem and ridiculously high expectations on himself, giving himself no breaks or time to relax, the “i must be productive with every second of my day or i will die” deal, the “peaked at 11” thing, the way in which he goes through life like there’s going to be a fucking test on it

-Eldest Daughter™ lmao. Norman’s always had to be mature, he’s always had to be the best, he’s always had to do the things Ray got out of bc he’s a snitch and Emma got out of because Isabella likes her. Norman gets respect from Isabella only if he excels, and her bar for him is astronomical. He doesn’t have the Mommy Issues that Ray has, but it’s because for him Isabella basically just reflected his expectations on himself, whereas with Ray it was more personal.

-low empathy (part of the autism thing): this one needs more explanation, but it’s not a bad thing in and of itself. Cognitive empathy is a thing and he can use it, but he does not instinctively understand other people’s emotions, or even recognize them properly, especially when the person is not like himself. This is obvious in Emma. Man has no fucking clue what’s going on in her head or why she does what she does, but he can predict what she will do in any given situation very well. He could understand the suicide attempt from ray he predicted more because Ray’s an easier equation to solve, and someone who’s more similar to him. I know he gets it because, well, motherfucker’s just as self desctructive as him, just in a more dignified manner.

-he’s got some sort of chronic illness. This is also me projecting and a headcanon but he’s got something going on, even before lambda pumped him full of growth hormones or whatever which they maybe should have Not Done but oh well. (I assume this just didn’t happen in the anime, since he’s still so fucking short) But he's So weak. He passed out when it was too hot. He passed out when it was too cold. He can’t open a pickle jar. His skin is too pale and he’s skinny af. He’s much more prone to sickness and probably has asthma too? But in the case that he did actually have something going on, I don’t think grace field would see the need to treat it, if it didn’t impact the quality of his meat? Isabella’s probably just “you have chronic pain and you get migraines? Great, take some tylenol and do some calculus.” Can’t say that probably helped anything.

personality type: ISTJ

Basically, he’s the most boring personality type to exist, and personally as an enfp i do not respect him. But basically this means he’s a fucking nerd that gets his projects done for school the day they’re assigned, is probably the president of the Anime Student Council™, and could probably get away with premeditated murder (ok actual istjs this is a joke don’t skin me)

The only trait that norman doesn’t have on the istj thing is telling the truth. Yeah, he values the truth, but like, that doesn’t apply to him, clearly. Bitch is a notorious liar.

The only other personality type he has any similarity with is intj, which is the same except it’s more rare and a purple theme instead of a blue theme. Sadly, that’s not him though, because although he can care more about some kinds of philosophy overall this isn’t the case and ray already occupies this personality type tbh. 

strengths and weaknesses: This one’s kind of obvious, but he is aside from the crazy insane intelligence good at planning. Extremely good at planning. He can predict any outcome and figure out how to prevent it, using all his resources. For example he’s physically weak and someone could literally just walk up and stab him, but it doesn’t impede his progress on his goals because he’s surrounded himself with strong, mentally inferior people who would die for him in a heartbeat. He never gets stuck in some “everything is shit and i can’t do anything” deal like Emma and Ray do, he always works through it and has confidence in his abilities (in as much as he will solve the problem or die™. Weaknesses other than his twink body include his Low Wisdom score. It’s funny how he’s often associated with an owl, the mans is 14. He thinks he knows what he’s doing. He doesn’t. Plus obviously his fundamental misunderstanding of so much of everything going on around him, the fact that he lies not just to the world but himself, his refusal to take care of himself and his incredible cowardice. His achilles heel is being forced to, actually confront his actions.

what he likes about himself: He does pride himself on his mental abilities, and his judgement, which in his opinion is the only correct opinion and the only correct way. In the past, he likes being seen as a leader, he likes being responsible for other people. He likes his ability to manipulate and lie, because he sees it as an asset, and I honestly think he enjoys being william minerva more than he enjoys being Norman. He prides himself on his unhealthy expectations and the fact that he is able to meet them. Honestly, he does think he’s better than everyone else, mentally, though it’s humbled by his self hatred. Cursed thought: If Norman had self esteem he would be light yagami. 

what he doesn’t like about himself/insecurities: Oh god, nearly everything. His appearance, his status, his superiority, his physical inability, his own mess of a mind, also have I mentioned his appearance. He’s obsessed with self control. He wants everything he sees wrong with himself gone. And I understand why having control of everything is necessary and appealing, everything for him has always been rigid and planned out from moment one, he was even more regulated in lambda, and though he desperately wants to Not Be Food, he has no idea what to do with the chains now that he’s broken out of them. So he just wraps them around himself. Regulates to an unhealthy degree when he sleeps, what he eats, when he actually takes even minimal care of his own problems, what he looks like, how much of himself he lets show, the expressions on his face, the literal thoughts inside his own head he will shut down if they are not Correct. It’s literal self harm. Norman, please stop it.

motivations/goals in life/general philosophy: To be honest, I’m not sure he knows what he wants. He sure thinks he does, he could sure give you a memorized answer, but it means nothing. He wants to excel. He wants Emma to be happy. He wants to be perfect and for that to make everything perfect. But he doesn’t realize everything he’s working towards will do pretty much the opposite of that. He’s a crippling perfectionist, and pretty much everything he does is motivated by his fear of failing. He picks the certain path, he doesn’t wait for anyone else, he doesn’t care if it’s not nice. Emma foils that a most of the time because he cares about her, but it can only go so far, especially after he’s had so much time without her to develop a Complex. His philosophy is very contradictory, basically the tokyo ghoul “everything bad that happens to you stems from a lack of ability”. All of his problems are his fault. All the world’s problems are his to fix. If he can’t fix them, it’s his fault, it’s because he wasn’t strong enough, and not being perfect condemns someone forever, including himself.

how he’s perceived by others vs how he actually is: In most people there wouldn’t truly be much of a difference, but with Norman things are different, because, well, most of his personality in grace field is a put on, as well as the tough guy dictator thing he radiates after lambda. How he appears to someone is determined by the context of their meeting- the kids at grace field see him as a nerdy, weakish, pretty boring kid who is really caring and kind. The researchers at lambda see an obedient, beaten down and perfectionistic boy. The lambda kids see him as an infallible leader, ruthless and genius, a good man who knows what’s right. But in truth none of that is him. It’s a fucking chess game to him, putting on different faces, lying and pretending and treating everyone differently. In truth? He’s a fucking coward. He’s scared out of his mind and he’s tired and he can’t take pain, he’s obsessed with reaching some goal he deems is necessary that in the end is going to be his death because he doesn’t want to face the consequences of his actions. He’s taken on the role of someone evil, though deep down he’s not, he feels it’s easier to live that way because it strips him of his conscience. 

interpersonal relationships: In general, Norman sees all relationships in a pretty dim light. He sees everyone as black and white, for the most part, and other people make no sense to him intuitively, he has to figure them out like a puzzle. He’s manipulative and not particularly kind, but he follows all societal expectations to a T, overly focused on his appearance and placing the person he’s interacting with into a Category™. So he can be truly kind, to people he feels deserve it, to people who he values and doesn’t see flaws in. He gets incredibly attached to people he loves, protective, though he often doesn’t take their own feelings on the matter into consideration, and he’s ruthless with anyone who he deems a bad person. With people he understands and relates to, though, things can be different. If he sees someone as like himself, he will drop all the social interaction police bullshit and cut to the chase of whatever he wants or needs from them, and he’s not very forgiving in any manner, if he thinks what someone did is actually bad.

Emma: Norman obviously cares a lot about Emma, and honestly views her as better than anyone else. He realizes her moral integrity and all of the things she has and he doesn’t, and admires it. Because of his black and white view, Emma is like an angel to him. She couldn’t do anything wrong if she tried. But he comes to treat her as something to be protected instead of respected, and although he realizes she wouldn’t like what he’s doing, he fundamentally cannot empathize with her and doesn’t try to understand her. Their personalities are very literally opposite. Norman really needs to fucking listen to her. And Emma needs to understand that Norman doesn’t have a single ounce of empathy and you really do need to spell it out for him. Emma can only convince him when she has logical reasons for her actions, which she, doesn’t often have. And Emma gave Norman too much slack, because she didn’t see past the surface, and Ray never wanted to warn her, even though he knew the dude was showing a bunch of red flags, because you know. It was kind of an unspoken deal between them. (on ray’s part)

Ray: His relationship with Ray is a lot more complicated than with Emma. He understands Ray, where he doesn’t understand Emma, and he can see right through anything Ray does. And this makes things really tense between them, because Ray doesn’t, take kindly to being psychoanalyzed. If someone perceives him he will deck them and Norman is just there silently perceiving him at all times when Emma doesn’t see it. They are both constantly in competition with each other, but they care about each other a lot, though it’s kind of in a derogatory way. They both recognize each other as fundamentally fucked up, and silently agree never to bring it up with Emma. They’re nice to each other when she’s around, but all pretenses disappear when she’s gone. Ray is always frustrated with Norman, because Norman’s never been intimidated by him, and though he tries his best not to be vulnerable around him, Norman can always see through it, whereas Ray can’t crack Norman’s fake fucking smile no matter what he does. Norman will always take Emma’s side, and doesn’t see Ray as a good person at all, but he still understands and can excuse him, he takes measures to be… worse than Ray, which is better in his mind, because it’s rational, and ‘not selfish’.

Isabella: She has always had ridiculously high expectations for Norman, and treats him kind of harshly compared to the others. Bitch has heat stroke and Isabella’s first question is a calculus problem instead of like, “are you ok”. She knows he doesn’t complain about anything ever and she doesn’t stop him from being Terrible to himself, because it makes her job easier. They want smart kids, not mentally adjusted kids. She does really care for all of them, but she basically overrides it, she gives them what they want, not what they need, lets them be exactly what they’re making themselves. Isabella is distant with Ray but gives him anything he wants, she’s close and super nice with Emma, but Norman is… it’s weird. Isabella is proud of him because he meets her astronomically high bar. But at the same time, Norman never really cared for her that much and has never pretended to. Once they discover The Thing, though, he has a revelation, and it doesn’t take him long to switch his entire perspective about her. He’s pretty much like. Oh. She’s like me. That explains it, time to treat her like I treat myself: fucking brutally. Passive aggressive as hell. The kind of energy the :) emoticon at the end of an email gives. He does like just go “yeah we should kill her” at one point, which. You know, ok. When he got shipped out it was hhhh really interesting because Isabella knew full well he knew he was walking to his death and Norman was like “are you Truly Happy?” and just went :) and she was like h u h and tried to get him to talk while they were walking there because she feels Bad about it and he just. Did not. He didn’t say a single word just kind of smiled menacingly at her and I think it was half a sort of rebellion and half because he viewed her as similar to himself and therefore felt no need to put up any front with her, no words were necessary for him to impart exactly how he felt about it

Lambda kids: His relationship with the lambda kids is weird and bittersweet. I think he really truly does care about them, they were in a similar situation to his and he wants them to get what they want. However it is not a healthy or beneficial relationship, they see him as a god and don’t realize that he’s killing himself to give them what they want, he’s basically adopted them when out of anyone norman’s the one that should least be in charge of kids. I think he’s honestly younger than them but I’m not sure if they even know. He acts like their fucking mom, and that’s from what he thinks mothers are like… like isabella?? Giving them what they want, not what they need, lying to them, showing a front, caring deeply for them but at the same time using them for his own ends. And it’s not helpful for him. He thinks he knows what they need, but what he’s doing is what they want. What they need is therapy,(and so does norman), and he doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with using them as weapons because they love him. It makes him feel good, to be seen as perfect, to have people who don’t know how weak he really is. But it’s only making him worse, and he’s enabling everything the lambda kids are doing wrong as well. They need like, Yuugo and Lucas. Some actual adults who are actually wise and have the ability and the knowledge to take care of them and understand their mental problems and maybe actually address them. And actually be nice to them. But um sadly. 

what he’s doing wrong: It’s pretty obvious, but… Norman, you maybe *shouldn’t* commit genocide? You’re not helping emma, you’re not making anything better. You’re not helping the lambda kids, you’re enabling them. You’re not helping your friends from grace field, you’re ignoring what they want. You’re not helping the world, you’re eradicating an entire race from the face of the earth and murdering the poor for the crimes of the fucking 1%. You’re not being a martyr, you’re a selfish piece of shit liar you little coward, you just want an easy way out and you want to die on your bloody fucking hill instead of admitting you’re wrong. Grow up, cringe little man.

why he went wrong: I think most of the reason this happened was the way he was raised combined with the kind of person he is. Norman would have turned out fine, if there has been good adults in his life who actually cared about his well being. Instead he got people who just wanted to control him and make him what they needed, and family who largely didn’t realize there was anything wrong. Ray being an ass to him most of forever probably didn’t help but well, that’s just Ray. Even then, he would have managed alright if he escaped with the rest of the kids because he would never have been separated from the experiences that caused the rest of them to realize demons weren’t all evil. In lambda he didn’t have anyone supporting him or telling him when things went too far, so he fell into relying on himself alone, pushing himself further with absolutely no limits. All he saw was enemies and allies, and things got stratified. He never had a lucas or a yuugo or mujika when he would have needed it, instead he found children who wanted him to be in charge and a world that made it so he had to be. Everything was an echo chamber for his worst thoughts, so they just became more and more dominant.

what he needs: To put it simply, he needs Emma and Ray to cut to the chase and slap him across the face and make him take care of himself. He needs to be forced to see everything for what it really is- this edgy 14 year old committing atrocities to feel better about himself? He needs to be told that what he’s doing is irrational, because in reality, it is. There are better solutions that he’s ignoring, both to his own suffering and the demons, and the way he’s going now no one will truly be happy because of it, that there is no requirement that things be perfect and this bullshit doesn’t make him stronger. He needs someone responsible to take the fucking dagger out of his hands. He also needs someone to babysit him and make him go to bed at a reasonable time.

i describe his personality through songs on my spotify playlist for him:

-outrunning karma by alec benjamin: this one super applies because it calls him out for making shitty decisions, being manipulative and a liar, and having blood on his hands in a very calm and subdued manner, that he knows this is wrong and yet he chooses to keep running faster and faster towards destruction, that he means to escape it through death

-empty by boyinaband and jaiden: yes this is a song about anorexia yes it also applies to norman i’m not saying norman literally has an eating disorder (but honestly it wouldn’t be far out of character if he did) but metaphorically this applies to his method of ignoring his needs, both emotional and physical, in favor of seeming in control 

-toxic thoughts by faith marie: this one speaks to his gifted kid trauma. Man’s got perfectionism running his entire soul. He’s terrified of failing, because he’s always been at the very top, he’ll beat himself up over any miniscule mistake and forces himself to keep at bad habits that keep him Productive, but he won’t ask for help no matter how much he’s suffering because that would be failing, he fights with his mind, this song basically tells him “yeah i feel you but you need to stop that”

-no time to die by billie eilish: ignore the romantic overtones but this is emma and norman, emma who trusted norman and was lied to, betrayed, for norman’s greater good, and norman who refuses to feel or hurt because of it, who refuses to apologize or see himself as wrong, pushes forward because he’s going to Pass Away

-achilles come down by gang of youths: hhhhh it's like. His vibe. Obviously you can disregard the lifestyle specific shit but it's. It's achilles come down you have to understand it’s like the same deal as friend, please just like french and longer

-friend, please by 21 pilots: i feel like i don't have to explain this one but it’s more to the manga (not the anime where he kind of figures out he done did wrong by himself instead of committing unforgivable sins and still going yeah this is valid before emma is like holy fuck). He is like sorry emma I cannot fix anything I’m going to die :) *coughs blood* and emma going like stop it stop it stop it fuck you see you fucked up and i forgive you just stop don’t walk away while he’s like “no<3”

why im a repressed little norman kinnie even tho he’s my exact opposite: I don’t generally kin ppl like norman, honestly he’s an infj I have no clue how it happened but I’m pretty sure it’s because of my intense desire to project onto a little man who cannot lift a milk jug and has chronic pain and decides you know what I AM tired of being nice i DO wanna go apeshit. Also he’s a twink. A little bastard. He’s a terrible person and I go mood every time he does anything. I said mood when he fell out of a tree. Don’t know what this says about me, I swear I wouldn’t commit no genocide. He’s like the inverse of Yoichi Saotome, and somehow i kin him too. Damn.

Miscellaneous headcanons:

-man’s SO attached to his william minerva cloak. He’s a wispy little bitch, you know he’s wearing that thing inside the house, he’s fucking cold. It also makes him Look Important he can retreat into it like an emo middle schooler with an oversized sweatshirt

-although you could probably get Mad street cred from having two whole brands you know he’s not gonna whip it out and show off his lambda thing he’s incredibly self conscious and his chest hasn’t seen the sun in years

-norman’s got MAD laundry skills to be able to wear like, all white all the time while constantly murdering people. I think he’s the only one who knows to do the laundry. And Ray is the only one who knows how to cook.

-but even then there’s gotta still be a few questionable stains on that thing, but if anyone asks he’s like “ketchup” “I’ve literally never seen you eat anything with that much color” “ketchup :)” *coughs blood*

-he’s probably thought “well i have not literally coughed blood yet today so I am not legally obligated to take care of myself”

-He probably adopted much of his current personality from taking on the persona of william minerva. I’m calling him out for being like me, he’s a blank motherfucker, he absorbs personality traits from characters he plays! He’s just not in theatre so it’s a bit more intense!

-the first time he sees barbara Eating Demon Meat he kinda stares and goes oh cool! not for me and violently exits the room. Like it's hilarious bc he thinks that's really gross on a moral level though he understands why she would do it 

-Which is even funnier bc I’m not sure about the canon on this but there was That Chapter Cover that one time that kinda seemed to imply norman eating demon meat which i absolutely latched onto because I’m terrible. He was just politely eating it. With a knife and fork like why dude. As to a possible reason for him doing that I can come up with, of course barbara does it out of spite, but man we don’t know the properties, if it had some sort of painkilling aspect to it or it was like, caffeine, you know he would, but he would Definitely not talk about it

-I kinda disagree with what the anime did in episode eight? It was good I liked it and the imagery was fantastic but also have you considered Norman could not kill someone with his own hands if he tried, or even physically injure them? That’s what his minions are for shawty. That doesn’t make it any less bad, of course, but the manga captured it perfectly by the fact of he carries around a dagger and a scepter in the capitol battle, but he never even raises it out of more than intimidation. He walks through calmly like he’s not scared at all but he makes sure all the lambda kids do all the actual murder, he just stands there impartially, clearly The Mastermind, as the kids fucking murder the queen of the demons. And I think that’s more profound because he’s, a coward. And he doesn’t realize being the one who orders the strike makes you just as responsible as the one who sticks the knife in someone. The knife is just there to Compensate™  for the fact that he weighs like eighty pounds.

-he’s more of like lady macbeth (because he’s a girlboss) than macbeth himself. He has blood on his hands, but it’s the kind of blood that you can’t wash off. He never killed anyone himself, and he cannot admit he never would have been able to.

-the last thing is that there are definitely epic things about the anime, episode 8 was my favorite so far, goddamn that imagery and the bitch walking through the city while it burns down with the screaming asmr going on behind him my god. We stan. But like the downside of, letting Emma and Ray get to him before he commits first degree murder makes the whole thing lose a lot of his value. In the manga (oh my god look at me being a pretentious manga fan please) it fit more of his ideas- he never backed down, and he planned for Emma coming and trying to stop him. Of course he wanted Emma to stop him, he wanted it with all his fucking heart he was pleading for it to happen but the man wouldn’t give himself what he wanted if he was held at gunpoint. He knew she’d come and he made absolutely sure she wouldn’t be able to stop him. So when she came and he said “you’re too late”??? It kind of said it all, in the fact that he was disappointed that he got his way. He still thought he did the right thing, but deep down there where he shoved all his thoughts and feelings he desperately wanted to be saved from himself.

So yeah, those are my thoughts. Feel free to eviscerate me if these are not Correct he is just my favorite girlboss who I feel the need to yell at

[rfamess]

RFA + V and Saeran at a party!!

alright friends. picture this: a party. what kind of party? that is for you to think about. i’ll give my 2 cents on what they prefer, but their behaviors still stand. If you’ve ever been to a party, (and I consider just hanging w friends a party as well... literally anything is a party if you want it to be a party) you know DAMN WELL you can find a specific type of person at every single function. we’ve got the corner standers, we got the emotional rollercoaster, the bitches getting crossed, the couch chillers, the flirt, the table dancer. you get the vibe.

in short, this is a (very) drunk rfa at a party.

Jumin

- you already know this guy only drinks wine.

- two bottles; one red, one white (very bold) double fisting them.

- wine drunk is the best drunk lemme tell ya.

- he is just so relaxed. GODDAMN he’s chill

- he’s so chill that he could walk up to zen and take a drag of a cig. shocking. why would he do that? he would never do that! (he’s drunk bby)

- personal morals have left the chat

- definetly happy and very social. Likes to tell very good stories— and they are good. very funny guy

- total opposite from his work self, which many people know. it’s refreshing to see him let loose

- and when i say let loose i mean let loose

- oh, the function? he owns it. not only is he the life of the party, it’s actually in his penthouse. he literally owns it.

- he has the potential to throw a gatsby-like party, but he likes to stick with his close friends and colleagues. people are allowed to bring a plus one. the more the merrier. but not too many lol

Zen

- oh this guy? he’s a professional partier. balls to the wall type drinker.

- shotgunning beer, pong master, stack cup, ride the bus, shots, up jenkins. he plays them allllll

- very competitive. VERY. he gets really into it, but he’s not like a competitive jock type, he’s just very passionate.

- he will accept his losses with grace and dignity, as well as with a nice handshake with his opponent.

- his passion sometimes causes him some accidents. will probably bump into you, apologize and call you some sweet pet name, and then return back to his zone.

- everyone loves to talk to him. not just bc he’s handsome, but he is just so genuinely nice and can hold a great conversation, even while completely obliterated.

- he’s the kind of guy that goes around and makes sure everyone is having fun

- smooth moves. very flirtatious, duh. can literally charm anyone.

- ngl he’s probably also a horny drunk. he’s not creepy or anything. he is definitely very courteous and respectful, but sometimes he has a lot on his mind...

- you can probably find him at one of jumins gatherings, at a work friends house, clubs, etc.

- he also loves themed parties. he really gets into it

Saeyoung/Seven

- he goes so hard.

- another themed party lover. especially costume parties.

- would probably show up in a costume even if it in fact was not a costume party.

- sorry, have you ever listened to tik tok by kesha? seven literally IS the party. “the party don’t start til I walk in”

- freestyle dances literally any chance he gets. definetly starts a dance circle— everyone loves a good dance circle

- he’s not a good dancer. he’s not bad either. but dancing with the stars is not in his future

- he’s wasted, but even if he wasn’t, he’d still be the life of the party. it just becomes magnified by however many drinks he’s had.

- very much parks and rec tom haverford vibes. snake juice episode. classic.

- he gets antsy to build things for no reason. tries to do small physics balancing things or maybe just do something productive, like cooking. he never cooks so he has no idea what he’s doing. will probably set the smoke alarm off, sprinklers will be going and people will be partying with INDOOR RAIN.

- that’s his legacy— the guy who set off the sprinklers at that party that one time

- you could probably find him crashing random peoples parties. he hears one going on in some apartment on the street and somehow he gets in and nobody questions it.

Yoosung

- you already know he gets DRANK.

- he doesn’t drink alcohol, the alcohol drinks HIM.

- he always goes over his limit. not bad enough where he’s incapacitated, but he for sure blacks out a lot of the time

- he’s kind of like a mix of his two besties ;) zen and seven. he’s a dancer, but he’s a COMPETETIVE DANCER. lol he probably challenges people to a dance off or contest. also likes table top games.

- he is prone to.... emotion. which is okay! but it happens

- once in a blue moon he’ll cry over something minor, but then start crying-laughing over it 2 seconds later.

- he finds a wii console buried tucked away in a drawer somewhere. he really brings it together when mario kart or wii sports resort gets pulled out. especially if it’s the sword play one. his find gets him clout at the party lol

- probably sees someone he thinks he wants to talk to... he overthinks how to approach them a little too much. but he’ll take a shot and go do it

- it always works out, he’s very friendly and likeable.

- he attends his college parties and always ends up making friends but he’s also hammered so he might not remember it much.

- probably wakes up in a random field somewhere the next morning. he is very confused.

Jaehee

- she goes to town on hard liqour. she can handle it alright.

- genuinely wants to fight everyone. not in a bad way, more of a “let me show you how fucking strong i am” way. it sure brings an audience

- people accept her challenges— she always beats them. probably turns them into drinking competitions too.

- like zen, she’s very competitive. she might lose her composure a little bit, but always self soothes and gets right back into it.

- 2 words: HYPE. WOMAN.

- she can get ANYONE excited about ANYTHING. always cheering others on and having them break out of their comfort zone (if they choose to do so).

- very big emotions. fangirls a lot. flirts a lot. a little dramatic, but she’s very entertaining.

- another great story teller— she loves to talk to people about the things she loves or crazy things that have happened to her.

- once she sobers up a little more, she is quite the helper. she helps clean up, helps people who might be throwing up. she’s a gentle care taker and welcoming presence :)

- she attends house parties a lot. usually her office friends, but sometimes zen brings her to his friends parties.

- she doesn’t party a lot since she works so much but when she does, she goes DUMMY!!

V

- very creative guy. he’ll have a conversation with someone and midway through he goes HOLD THAT THOUGHT!! because he’s had a little intrusive lightbulb moment. runs to go write it down or do a quick sketch then return to said conversation.

- if there’s a hot tub, he’s in it. he’s so in it. he has a glass of champagne and just sits. a lot of the time he never changes he just keeps his clothes on in the water. people question his judgement

- he’s not super animated like a lot of others, he’s more chill, but he’s also very excitable.

- he’s very giggly. anything could make him laugh.

- he really stays true to his hobbies while drunk too.

- photographer/videographer. but since he’s at a party and he’s drunk, they aren’t professional photos. a lot of them end up blurry. but a lot of them turn out great!

- he leaves disposable cameras everywhere so people can just pick them up and take their own photos— he sends out all the pics after they get developed.

- he’s definetly the type to go around making sure everyone is safe and helping them whenever possible. he doesn’t take a lot of time for himself :(

- he parties with jumin at his penthouse. they have a lot of the same friends and it’s a familiar place.

- he doesn’t go to giant parties either, mostly just friends in the comfort of his or someone else’s home.

Saeran

- I don’t think Saeran drinks very much, to be honest. But hypothetically….

- he’s obsessed with making fancy cocktails. they are so beautiful. but they get infinitely worse the more he drinks them lol

- his parties are always with his close friends, probably at his own house. he’s more of a homebody. and the presence of his friends is very grounding

- he really likes to play tabletop-turned drinking games

- he also likes to make games up! kind of like true american in new girl. he’s actually really really good at making up rules on the spot and they always turn out super fun.

- he’s definitely the kind of guy you want at your party if you want to have a lot of fun just doing random shit.

- speaking of random shit, just like his brother he also gets spikes of energy to just go do something. he makes homemade ice cream in a plastic bag. he rearranges the furniture. he will learn magic tricks in about 2 minutes and then show everyone he knows.

- will try and flirt with you. like a lot. he’s incredibly endearing and gets kind of handsy. and by handsy i mean he wants to hold your hand briefly. both of his hands clasped around one of yours.

- he likes to do really harmless pranks. like so harmless that they’re just hilarious. he’ll take someone’s phone and sign them up for mailing lists they don’t want. he might replace a family photo with something else. or maybe just hide behind a wall and jump out and scare someone when they walk by!! PRANK CALLS. classic.

- he’s really funny. like really fucking funny. without even trying. and boy does he love to make people laugh. he’s comedy gold and a pro with the one-liners.

- after drinking he will fall asleep ANYWHERE. on the floor, in a chair, under a desk, on top of a desk, he could fall asleep standing up. all his friends have pictures of him just sleeping in strange places.

[itsclydebitches]

ngl voyager gets a whole lot of very disproportional hate from the fandom and i'd hazard a guess that a lot of that is just garden-variety misogyny (and probably racism mixed in, considering how many of the most prominent characters are women, poc, or both). like, is voyager perfect? absolutely not. and no spoilers but there was a lot of executive meddling that wound up leading to the finale/conclusion being lacking and there's a lot of reasonable dissatisfaction with that--but again that was largely thanks to the execs fucking the show over and i recommend looking into that if you can once you've finished the show. but overall? voyager is trek right to its very core--it has heart, it's about family, and it never loses sight of that imo, even if some episodes are weaker or just duds (but, like, would it be a trek series without some episodes that just kinda suck but are still fun to watch???)

anyway, i absolutely love that you're getting into voyager, it is my all-time favorite trek series to this day for a lot of reasons, and i hope that ppl like that anon dont put you off bc i'd love to continue to see your thoughts as you watch the series!

Oh, it would take a whole lot more than some anons being salty that others enjoy things to turn me off :D 

Thus far (I lost internet last night so I’m still only on Episode 7 of Season 2), Voyager is the Trekiest Trek I’ve watched. Which is a weird sentence, but I mean it in the way you said it’s “trek right to its very core.” What is Star Trek, if we strip the intent of the story down to its basics? It’s about exploration, discovery, that “wagon train to the stars,” wrapped up in the argument that life is fundamentally good. We have problems, but we can work past them. We have differences, but they strengthen us. Diversity is the lifeblood of the universe and the future will continue to improve so long as we embrace that. 

Voyager is (again, from what I’ve seen so far!) basically a love song to that premise. I didn’t do too deep a dive because I’m trying to avoid spoilers, but I did look at a couple threads discussing why Voyager is so hated. Again and again I saw the same reason pop up: wasted potential. Now, a lot of fans left it at that (as if the answer to what potential Voyager apparently missed out on is self-evident. It’s not), but those who did expand on the idea consistently claimed that the show needed to be darker than it was, even if they rarely said it like that. Why aren’t the Federation and the Marquis at each other’s throats? Why isn’t the crew going crazy under these circumstances? Why aren’t characters getting killed off left and right in hostile space? “Anything could have happened out there and they played it safe!” but the “anything” here is always... awful. There’s this very pervasive idea that the world is inherently cruel, people are inherently divisive, that when pushed to the brink everything will fall apart... and that (while making for one kind of great story) is very much not Star Trek. 

See, Voyager created an unimaginable scenario--lost in space, 75 years from home, forced to live indefinitely with strangers--and their answer to the question of “What happens?” is “People make it work.” They learn to respect one another, they uphold their ideals, they maintain a love of life and discovery, and they create a family. And that’s fucking fantastic. That’s Star Trek! I’m not going to pretend there aren’t problems with the show, with plenty more to come, I’m sure, but I don’t think this is one of them. Why do so many viewers think that hatred, horror, death, and growing jaded is the only potential here? Why would they expect that in a Star Trek show whose premise is the very antithesis of those things? 

“But they don’t do enough with those things, even if they have happy outcomes.” They do plenty, they just do it in an episodic rather than serialized nature. I can point to multiple episodes where the replicator rations or Maquis differences are driving the characters’ actions. “But without that horror there’s no conflict.” There’s plenty of conflict. Hostile aliens aside, I just watched an episode where Tuvok and Chakotay are pissed as hell at one another because they fundamentally disagree over how to handle problems, but--because they’re adults with a well-tested respect for one another--they apologize and work through it. “But the characters don’t develop at all.” You mean they don’t grow harder. That’s not the same thing as no development. Tuvok is figuring out how to be more flexible, Chakotay is becoming more willing to accept cultures he doesn’t agree with, Harry is growing more confident now that he’s far from home, the Doctor is learning to see himself as a person, Paris is grabbing his second chance with both hands by making strong ties, and Janeway is learning to command and care for her crew simultaneously. I honestly believe that a lot of people think of “character development” as the character becoming a fundamentally different person, unrecognizable from where they started out. But  characters can also grow into the people they wanted to be in the first place. “We’re far from home, in hostile territory, tempted to do horrific things to survive... but no. Right now at least, we’re holding onto who we are. We’re scientists, so we’re going to explore and learn. We’re peaceful, so we’re going to make friends with as many species as we can. We’re members of a society that teaches acceptance, so we’re going to form a family on this spaceship.” That’s incredible!! Did fans miss why Seska was an antagonist in the episode she was unmasked? Because she was trying to convince them to give up everything they believe in in the name of survival, an ends justify the means argument. And the crew said no, we will not give up what we believe in just to make it through. I legit saw a ton of fans saying some version of, “I can’t believe they were that far from home and actually followed Starfleet’s rulebook.” It’s because those rules don’t exist for the hell of it. Overlooking their practical function, they’re a philosophy that the characters believe in, and they’re figuring out how important that part of their identity is to them under these circumstances. Am I willing to steal a specie’s technology if it gets us home? Am I willing to die to help another uphold their own philosophy? (Chakotay in “Imitations”). What regulations should we bend or change to accommodate our new situation? The first two things Janeway does are a) giving the guy who just came out of a penal colony a rank and b) deciding that she needs to be more familiar with her crew than is normally encouraged for a captain because she’s essentially their mom now. Developing doesn’t have to mean characters do a 180 on their initial personality, or characters getting killed off when stuff gets “boring” so that others can do edgy things in response. 

Voyager upholds Trek’s premise and runs it to its logical conclusion: 

Voyager has the most literal trek--a trek back home. 

Voyager has the most diverse crew--a woman Captain, Native American First officer, black Vulcan, Asian-American communications officer, and a White Dude pilot that realizes he wants to be soft and kind towards those who took a chance on him because Toxic Masculinity who? 

Voyager has the most literal family--not just a 5+ year mission, but a crew who expects to raise the next generation. They have no choice but to work together, so they indeed come together rather than pulling apart

Except they do, of course, have a choice. In “The 37′s” the crew is allowed to stay on the Earth-like planet with a city of other humans and Janeway is convinced that a sizable number will choose that. After all, they may never get home and this is a safer, kinder future for them. In fact, the real question is whether so many will stay that they can no longer run the ship... but Janeway would never dictate her crew’s choices in that manner. So she swallows her worry down, opens the door... 

... and finds that not a single person decided to stay behind. And the show has ensured we understand that this is not just because they all have some unshakable belief that they’ll get home (many don’t), but because this is their family now. This is home. 

And fans want to toss that out for a generic, gritty, sci-fi adventure where hope is scarce, the universe is cruel, and people need to be pushed to the limit just to admit that they maybe, sort of, like each other?? Obviously like what you like, but that’s a hard pass for me. I’ll take the bridge crew comforting each other in “Twisted,” thanks. Besides, we already have shows like that. And we already have DS9 which grapples with many of those dark, pessimistic themes. Voyager feels like a breath of fresh air, even within the breath of fresh air that is Star Trek as a franchise. It’s a show that says, “Yes, when everything goes wrong people will come together. They will love each other. They will make it through.” 

What’s more Star Trek than that? 

[mangora]

Everyone else is doing season rankings so here’s mine:

1. Revenge of the Island- the characters were wonderful, the setting was cool, I loved the relationships, and the ending was great. I wish it was longer so we could’ve gotten more development out of characters like Anne Maria & B and more relationship development for things like Jo & Brick’s friendship but overall very good!

2. World Tour- The songs were wonderful and I loved Alejandro & Heather, easily the best finale, Noah development was iconic, and platonic Gwourtney was good while it lasted. I definitely didn’t like things like DJ’s curse and Coderra and the love triangle but when the writing was good, it was good.

3. Ridonculous Race- the cast was so colorful and the new set up was interesting! I liked how they explored things like platonic and familial relationships more. The ice dancers were also great villains. I know everyone doesn’t like Nemma but tbh I thought they had a good friendship. Loved all the teams and how they all got at least a little arc before departure. The best written by far, the only reason it’s farther down than ROTI and World Tour is because while I loved the characters and their writing, my emotional attachment to the first two generations is a lot stronger yknow. It’s nothing personal, if I didn’t have that it would be number one for sure.

4. Island- The original! I feel like the characters were blander here but the challenges were cute and it was what it said on the box: a classic teen drama show. I don’t have a whole lot to say but I can’t dislike it at all besides some of the gross-out. Also DJ, the original Bridgette & Geoff, and Cody helping Gwent happen just have special places in my heart (as well as duncney before the last episode)

5. Pahkitew- Pahkitew was very weird and I definitely have bones to pick with the end of Scarlett’s arc as well as Sugar’s gross-out humor, the treatment of Sammy, and Dave’s Dave-ness. But I also loved Shawn & Jasmine a lot and how their arcs complimented each other, they’re very clearly two separate characters who can help each other develop without relying on each other for fan intrigue. Also the build up to Scarlett’s arc was lovely and the mechanical island twist was foreshadowed well. I’d definitely change some things but all the characters were fairly fun even with their flaws.

6. All stars- All stars was a mess that relied on ableist tropes both with Alejandro and Mal, and dropped character arcs or went totally off track, and tbh I hope it’s retconned in the newer seasons. But, it had some good. Mal had a lot of potential and their good vs. evil theme could’ve easily been blurred and complexed by the morally gray nature of characters like Courtney and Duncan. I liked Duncan a lot in this season actually, like more than I did in any other, and the idea of rehashing old challenges with a twist is very cool. It could’ve been written way better but it had potential and I give it points for that. Also I’m attached to Mal and for its credit the show gave me him so I have to at least give it second to last.

7. Action- hot take, action was terrible. Leshawna’s arc and watching her fight through hatred for getting what was rightfully hers as well as realizing she made a mistake by talking badly about people she liked was pretty decent (even though I feel like a lot of it was fueled by anti-blackness on the part of the writers) and she should’ve won, DJ quitting because he felt bad for partnering with Chef, the Chef/Chris development, and the Gwen & Duncan friendship were great...and that was it. The season was way too drawn out, Courtney in this season was a stuck-up caricature of her original self, they totally ruined Trent with ableist tropes, Duncan did nothing but bully people especially Harold, the way Beth treated guys was gross, Bridgeoff conflict was terrible, Heather got pretty much no development, Owen was just a fat joke the whole season and it was so sad bc he’s more than his weight which isn’t a thing to make fun of anyways, the aftermath segments were lame filler, Leshawna was done so dirty she worked so hard and deserved to win, and the authors like couldn’t decide if they wanted to make Justin evil or not so it was just a mess. Also Duncan’s transphobic comment was just,,,,unnecessary as shit. This season is the worst with gross-out imo too. Just like all stars it had a good concept but awful character derailment, except this one was drawn out as fuck and disgusting. It’s just sad I can’t stand it.

[we-rate-tmnt]

I request: Leonardo. Please and thank you 🙏.

Idk if everyone loves Leo or if my header and avatar just remind everyone about this amazing blue boy. (This one’s super silly btw. I’m just sillier as time goes on. Character development I guess?) 

The iconic leador Leonardo (1987)

Bro idk why but I loved this Leo. I have a tiny memory, especially with this version but I clearly remember that I thought he was the funniest and the coolest. I mean, he had swords, what was I supposed to do as a 7-year-old. NOT like him??? Anyway, while Raph was the best at insult comedy, I think Leo had the best puns and punchlines. I really like how nonchalant this Leo is compared to his iterations, going along with really silly ideas and having fun along the way. But because of this, his leadership is a little forced at times, he seems like such a chill and fun dude that when he gets serious, I have to squint and ask ‘are you Leo? Or were you just putting on act a moment ago?’ Or my perception is entirely warped over time. Either way, good turtle boy, could have used some work tho. 5.7/10

Here comes grumpy lad wooo this is all read very monotone btw Fearless Leader (2003)

What. What the fuck happened. I was actually so confused when Leo turned really angry and serious and almost manic. I thought that episode when he popped into Casey’s window and was like ‘Hey bitch lets go beat the shit out of some lowlifes’ I was WOAH THERE BUDDY BACK UP BACK UP BACK TF UP. It was so sudden to me and when it was finally explained, it made some sense??? Like yeah, character development is great an’ all but this ain’t it chief. I can’t imagine what it was like having to wait for these episodes to release one at a time. Bc I watched every episode back to back on Youtube and I was genuinely bamboozled. But when you have an experience like that where guilt is weighing down on you from a situation you couldn’t control, it would’ve been HELLA HELPFUL to have at least a flashback, like a line saying ‘I was so useless!’ at BARE MINIMUM. Like right after Shredder is booted off to Planet Zula, Donnie would notice that Leo didn’t seem all that happy and would ask why and Leo would get upset and yell at Donnie saying that ‘You wouldn’t understand’, ‘You don’t know how I felt, how I feel because of that’, etc. Like you don’t even have to say he felt guilty or helpless, just give us something to grab onto. We’re merely six-year-olds who thought they could climb the YMCA rock wall in easy mode but instead the script riders harnessed us up on the hard one and wouldn’t let us come down until we rang the little bell at the top. I think that is the only problem I had with his Leo. The sudden change of calm and decisive to angry and irrational was so jarring that it felt unnatural without that crucial context. If you want a surprise reveal, at least hint at the reveal (like just about every Disney movie with their ‘twist’ villains) not wait until the very last moment. I think this might be my least favorite Leo and I think the season where he stood out the most and seemed the strongest was Fast Forward (Which was GOOD FIGHT ME), especially in scenes with Dark Leo, his clone. He sees so much of himself in Dark Leo but he also sees something he had once grasped (AKA the poorly written character arc, I CANNOT stress how bad I thought it was). Although, I honestly think he’s a really good character and he’s a pretty neat guy. However, this score is entirely held up by Fast Forward and his connection with Usagi, sword bros to the end of time. 3/10 (2 for FF and 1 for Usagi)

And now a Leo that makes me genuinely feel UWU Leo (2012)

I cannot stress how much I like this guy! Like his design is so appealing, his dedication, his obsession with Space Heroes, like I FUCKING LOVE IT. And everyone knows, that shit with Karai, at first when they didn’t realize they were related, I can let slide but kajsdflksadf what even like why did the writers feel the need to add in more ‘love interest’ implications like yuck yuck yuck. The only two interactions with Leo and Karai that I really like are when Leo defeats her using the healing hands technique and when Leo has a goth/emo/punk/idk I’m new here phase and they team up and EXPLOSIONS. He was introduced to us as being incredibly naive and his idea of leadership is from some old cartoon that’s basically star trek but ethically questionable. After his fights in season 1, to the finale with the technodrome, you can see his growth. He’s able to formulate plans and make life or death decisions. BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE. When Leo got hurt, I felt like the oof sound effect mixed with some tears I normally shed at some Shojo manga bs. While the episodes following were super weird, it was a nice way to help Leo recover, not only physically but spiritually (Although I don’t remember the spirit arc at all except the epic Raph vs Fishface fight, so we’re skipping that). When Master Splinter really died, you could tell there was a huge impact on Leo, but he had to remain stoic and lead the family now. A lot of heartbreaking moments in this series came from Leo and I’m glad they took at least some thought into developing him. Tiny head Leo will haunt my nightmares, but the giggly fanboy will warm my heart constantly. 6/10

I only have one word for this Leo (Heroes in a Half Shell: Blast to the Past)

This is a super crazy bad idea accent on the super crazy bad part have I mentioned it’s also a really terrible idea/10

Okay, spoiler alert, didn’t really think this Leo was that grand Leo (2014/2016)

Painfully average. He didn’t stand out that much, Raph was part of the focus and had that touching scene at the end, Donnie was ICONIC and Mikey (with his weird-ass eyes) was super lively and funny! Leo? Uh, I don’t remember a single line he said. Because he never really grabbed my attention, I don’t have too much to say on this version. The Raph and Leo fight felt forced and the whole ‘keep this stuff that could turn us human a secret’ was pretty pointless and was added just to cause drama, I don’t even remember what that Splinter and Leo conversation was about. Design-wise, really neat! You can see some more traditional Japanese clothing/style mixed with modern (I’d feel a lot better about this assumption if some could tell exactly what the heck he’s wearing, but I get traditional Japan warrior vibes from it) in his look which was super neat! Other than that, if you like him, please tell me why because I don’t get. He was just kinda eh. 5/10

AHHH MY BOY YASSS WHOOO!! Neon Leon (2018)

Okay, I loved Ben Schwarts already from Parks and Rec but like him being Sonic AND Leo, like DUDE. He’s super funny by himself but teamed up with this shows writing and animation, it makes it hilarious. I literally love this Leo so much, maybe because we’re alike but honestly, he’s amazing. I love his design with the red and yellow crescents accenting his skin and livening up his color pallet. He has a very healthy and natural dynamic with his brothers, he’s the first to know what’s wrong and tries his best to make up for his actions. This is really prominent in the most recent episodes, along with the episode portal jacked. In both, Leo is separated from his brothers. Portal Jacked is in a more literal sense, while Air Turtle handles in more of an emotional sense. While both are brief, Leo sees his error and tries his best to make it up to them. I love his dynamic so much and it’s so nice to see something like this compared to the unnecessary drama and tension between the brothers in the previous series. It’s refreshing and this is something a younger audience needs to see; instead of fighting, it’s better to work together and improve yourself along the way. Improvement is a big theme for Leo here. He’s a goofball, makes jokes at every opportunity and isn’t quite skilled at fighting or using his weapon. But he grows over time, he learns to manage his power and he’s working on mastering it. He’s trying to put aside his narcissism more and focuses on his family. I think the approach they took with him rising to leader rather than slapping it on his forehead was the goddamn best decision they could make. He’s making plans, finding loopholes, helping out and getting out of his comfort zone. I cannot stress how well this show has handled Leo, along with the other characters. I can’t wait to see more episodes about his growth and I am awarding him with one of the greatest honors I could give... 10/10

Storytime: I drew a super cute 2012 Leo, you should look at him. Shameless self-promo, but you should follow me on my main blog bc I’m nice and I draw pretty pictures. Also. I have a little 2012 Leo Happy Meal toy??? I think??? guarding my window and he’s been there for YEARS. I need to bring him in and refresh his paint job.

Wow! I didn’t expect this many requests for Leo, so the blog will be momentarily spammed with the requests, but it shouldn’t be too much! Up next should be the last turtle (Mikey) and then we can get to some REALLY great requests I’m eager to answer. As usual, please comment and reblog! I’d love to hear your opinion!

[petruchio]

hi, i read the hunger games years ago, and i enjoyed it but i definitely wrote it off as not that great (i think mostly bc i struggled to connect with katniss when i was 13, which is very interesting and also bc i found peeta at the time to be very 1-dim) but your posts have definitely gotten me excited to read it as a more mature person and to see more of the interesting critiques it has to offer. anyway! i was curious if you ever read uglies by scott westerfield, and ur thoughts on it!

yes this is awesome!! im so glad you enjoyed my posts and that they helped inspire you!!! i think the hunger games are great books to reread at later points in your life because since they were marketed as ya, a lot of people read them when they were super young (myself included!!) and a lot of the themes and social commentaries went over our heads... and coming back to them now, especially after like. the world of the past decade... so many of the things the books critique have become even more visible since the books came out and they’re awesome to reread and think about them with our modern consciousness!! ms collins... truly so ahead of her time <3 

and yes i have read the uglies!! i haven’t read it in YEARS honestly, so i don’t know if i have any super eloquent or coherent thoughts about them, and i also don’t think i ever finished the last book. i think it’s called specials? as far as i remember it was kind of that dystopian, post-fall-of-civilization thing and then she goes out and finds the society that lives off the map and falls in love with the guy who was raised outside of their society with crooked teeth and who doesn’t care what he looks like. i think i stopped reading the last one once she became a special because i didn’t really think it was in line with where the books should’ve gone (in my like, early preteen opinion) i think a more effective arc would’ve been her becoming at least a “pretty” and then realizing that physical perfection means nothing so long as you are not spiritually fulfilled and then just like, yeeting. i think the villains in the book were pretty flat as far as i can remember, so i think by the end i just was kind of bored haha. i also don’t really like books where the main character becomes some kind of superhero type figure because i think it’s kind of a cop out for actual character development (see: twilight, original trilogy of the grishaverse, divergent... it’s a common ya trope but i think it usually leaves it kind of hollow)

but!!! i could be totally wrong considering i was like a child when i read them and i haven’t thought about them in a while beyond the few scenes that i remember really clearly for some reason (like the scene where she decides which side of her face is more attractive... formative experience for me as a young girl :/) i think it’s probably a really interesting commentary on our appearance obsessed society and the superficiality of the modern world, but i honestly don’t remember it clearly enough to have more defined thoughts about it at the moment haha!!

[magnumdays]

The Episode of Lost Opportunities AKA 2x16

SO I wrote this before watching the promo, then I did and now I know most of us are just FREAKING out about next week (and I’m freaking out the most because ummm they’remakingmyfanficintoanactual EPISODE!!! How does one deal with this????)  but if you want a break from freaking out, here are some thoughts on last night’s episode!

So even though 2x16 was perfectly enjoyable, I’m going to have to officially re-name it “The Episode of Lost Opportunities” because there were so many plots and just tid-bits they could have done great things with.

So yeah not really a review today, instead I’m going to (in true Jenny Nicholson fashion) make a numbered list of things I think they should have added /done something with, in no particular order.

Miss nr. 1. Not having Higgy tease Magnum back with British pet names. I’m honestly devastated by this. Like what would a little sarcastic “come on luv” or a “Dearie, come here” from Juliet have cost them? The closest we got was Babe take our selfie.

Nr. 2. Not having Mr. Dorky Helpful But Cute guy ask Higgy out. I really thought this was where it was going with him being all “it’s just our second date, we met online” and yeah even though he looked about 12, it would have fit the episode. 

Plus they could have had Magnum standing to the side gesturing like “go for it” and her either saying yes or no and later her and Magnum having a little chat about it. The Yes with him being all “I convinced you to do it” proud and also mildly jealous. The No, with her being all “he’s a suspect” or “he went on a love bus tour!” or “I’m not ready, bc of the dead fiance, remember him?”

Nr. 3. Which takes us neatly to - drowned guy should be bringing up some feelings for Juliet as I’m fairly certain back in Day of The Viper they mention something about how Richard washed up on the shores of something-something (I mean obvs he was shot before but I’d still imagine some associations there).

Also her own almost drowning in 1x19 (even if this episode’s dude wasn’t drowned, it did seem so at first and he was still in the water). I just feel maybe there could have been some feelings here that our favorite duo actually talked about. Just a nice little call back to either one of those would have been great. One line! Is that too much to ask for?

Nr. 4 on the list of missed opportunities is for me going to be Theresa (Teresa?). TC’s old flame. And this is a big one! 

I honestly would have loved it if they went with this - as in have him not be so damned noble and let the childhood sweetheart go. Like, why not have them actually try to make a go at it?

Maybe she could have been there with just her boyfriend rather than husband to make it less of a thing and then maybe give it an episode or two and have them talk over the internet before she comes back and they get back together! Because why can’t anyone have a girlfriend? Like why do all of the guys need to be such lone wolves? 

I mean, I get it, because they are a family/brothers, but having even just one more minor female recurring would be interesting and would add dimension to the gang and characters!

Now this is like one of those random side plots that don’t really do much because in the end nothing has changed. Other than us learning a little more about TC, which is nice, but it doesn't seem like it will actually impact future episodes and didn’t really connect a whole lot with the episode. TC is just off getting closure to a relationship we never knew he needed closure for. Which means we’re not super invested.

I feel like this is a bit of a problem with the show in general. We get really nice and moving and character developing stuff for characters we haven’t been shown to need, as with Kumu last week and now TC. Rick and his dying “dad” Ice-Pick and even Shammie with his lying army buddy. Even Gordon and his son. Jin and his sisters and that’s why he steals.

These things could all have had 100 times more impact if they’d established these problems/ relationships earlier. Like if we had learned Kumu's husband had cheated on her and had a child with another woman (or maybe that Kumu is a bit sad she never had kids on her own) sometime before - over the past 30 episodes, wouldn’t last week’s episode, where she finally reaches out to the husband’s kid, would have been so much more emotionally satisfying? 

Same if Theresa had been mentioned as TC’s great love and maybe him being sad some episodes ago (or even back in 1x19 when his dad doesn't come to visit - that could have been about him seeing a post about her getting married and him being upset about it and connecting with Rick about that.) 

Like I get that maybe sometimes they just throw random things in there but at the same time why do they need to do that? Want to do that? Isn’t there someone keeping track of the big picture? Giving characters long running story arcs over a season or even multiple ones should be someone’s job. 

If it’s not, I volunteer! 

Seriously Lenkov I’m currently unemployed and totally up for it, just give me a call! I already know we think the same... (Marriage of Inconvenience). 

Nr. 5 Not having Gordon comment something on the fact that he’s been called to a murder scene on a Island Love tour bus site by his favorite PI duo. Like yeah they’d have told him why they were there but he still should have teased them about it! Like “What were you two doing here anyways? Something going on?” and both of them giving a horrified “NO!”.

Nr. 6 when the guy says “is he crazy?” after Magnum jumped into the waterfall pool thing, not having Higgy be all “Yes, he is”, then jumping in after him, was a huge miss. That would have been so funny and shown how much alike they are (even if Higgy will always be the sane one...)

Nr. 7. Not having Magnum and Higgins try to pretend to be together when the bus driver catches them. I mean come on! At least some more hand holding! Snuggling? I’m not saying to just kiss already okay maybe I am saying that.

Nr. 8. Not one real Miggy moment in this episode? I mean lots of bickering and maybe for a moment with her being all “well done” when he tells the cheating a-hole he’s an idiot for having an affair. And if the camera had stayed on him for a few seconds more when they’re toasting at the end we know we’d have gotten a Mangum looks had Higgy soft heart eyes moment. But we didn’t. But other than that, not really much feel-y moments even if we got plenty of cute stuff.

Nr. 9.  Sandy and how they find out Sandy is the killer! Like what? She cut the bus’s fuel line  which makes no sense, she’d wouldn’t want to trap herself right?  Sandy if you’d just not cut the fuel line and stayed with the group, you’d have been taken back to civilization and no one would have figured you out! Or you should have left right away on car/4-wheeler you must have prepared for escape, not stayed around! You could have left down long before the cops got there or the autopsy revealed anything. Same for why does she give her knife to her date? Why not just throw the knife away? She’s in the jungle, big chance it will be found. Not.

And why kill someone in the middle of nowhere, making yourself one of the, like, 8 suspects? Like come on girl, for a hit woman you’re not that clever. Also if you had a gun, why strangle a guy 2x your size? That’s not a smart plan either. Just get a silencer and shoot the guy when he’s on his morning jog back in the city or something! I feel like the only reason they had her be the baddie was so Magnum/ Higgins could say “Shot through the heart” // “How is that for poetic” all dramatically after Gordon took her down.

Problem nr. 10. Tied in with this I just think Sandy as the killer should have not happened. 

In fact, I think having the sweet loving wife as the killer would have been wonderful. 

It would have been a much better twist! Dead guy could have been poisoned (traditional how wive’s kill their husbands… just saying) and then he fell off the cliff. They could surely have found some weird clue to that, like maybe his throat is all swollen and stuff to make them think foul play and then when they’re moving the body towards the end, Magnum realizes it’s poison.

But Higgy stayed back with the ‘grieving’ asthmatic widow and oh no! Must rush back to save my one true love platonic partner. 

We could have had some sort emotional moment where the Wife got Higgy with a knife at her throat and is all “He was supposed to be my best friend, my partner, my everything and he did X” and Magnum being all “Well that woman you’re holding a knife to is my (best) friend, my partner and she didn’t do anything so please put the knife down!” Or something. 

I mean I know that sounds like I’m off in Miggy fanfiction land but honestly I think they could have made it work (this is hilarious when re-reading after watching next weeks trailer). She could have teased him about the best friend bit but then she could have been all soft, “Thomas. Thank you. I’m glad you're my friend.” And the episode could have ended with how love just never seems to end well for anyone which would have been way more on theme for the vibes in this episode (and frankly whole show because no one gets to have a romantic relationship for more than, like, 3 episodes).

Nr. 11. Higgins hair. Not putting it in the fluffy “Blood In the Water” style was a big miss because that hair made her look so freaking adorable. Just saying. I mean both my babies are always adorable I just love the poofy fluff hair from that ep!

Anyways, those were my 11 missed opportunities for episode sixteen!

My fave bits were Magnum and Higgins fake couple thing at the start. Magnum being all like “While we’re up here we might as well take a selfie!” and then when talking to the old couple his, *I’m just gonna keep my hand here, on your waist! I’m real smooth* move. 

I enjoyed the fast action pack-ed-ness of the whole ep and the pretty Hawaii scenery we got. The more I watch Magnum PI the more I want to visit Hawaii (one day when there is no Corona, I’m much richer and 20h airplane rides are suddenly comfortable, I will!) and just enjoying all the amazing natural beauty and stuff.

The Rick and TC’s interactions were also highlights, I loved the whole “just pretend to walk by”. Like so middle-school yet so relatable because who hasn’t done that when we’re like, is that Lisa from second grade? And just we walked down the cat food aisle perusing cat food (when we most def. don’t have a cat), just to check if it is indeed Lisa.

Also this made me crack up so hard.

Magnum: Muffin? 

Higgy: Could you please not refer to me as a breakfast pastry.

That’s just so on point for Higgy I can’t even!

You guys agree with my missed opportunities? Or have any of your own for this or any other episodes?

______

(And who is desperately searching for a time machine to steal so it can be next week - right this minute!! LIKE!!! I’m still freaking out from the trailer.)

[normal-thoughts-official]

Do you have any hcs for Magnus taking ppl to pride for the first time? I kinda feel like he’d act as a guide for others, making sure everyone feels safe and happy during their first time. Like, I can picture him bringing daylighter Raphael out for the first time, showing Meliorn around (bc even though they’ve been around for a while, the Seelies don’t really do human stuff) and holding Alec’s hand while he looks around in amazement.

well surprise surprise this got very long. bet y’all never saw that coming

ok so i particularly love this ask because like, the idea of meliorn going to pride for the first time is a riot and i adore it

like seelie society has developed completely independently from mundane society in every way, hell, it existed before humans did. so there's absolutely no reason whatsoever to believe that their culture even has the concepts of gender of sexuality, and believing that it would be the same as modern western ones is just straight up anachronistic tbh

so like personally i hc that seelie society has no gender (and therefore no concept of sexuality in the way that we see it), so the idea of pride- doesn't even make sense to them, cuz there's no concept of these identities, much less a history of oppression that would bring forward the need to celebrate their resistance like there currently is

so meliorn would want to go just to like, see what that's like and what's it all about. and the whole time they're just following Magnus around and like, taking notes. hm, interesting, what is this trans thing again? ah yes, people who dont think their personality matches the one mundanes believe would be brought by their genitals. hm. fascinating. and Magnus is just like, laughing loudly and it's the best pride he's ever been to, because he knows how ridiculous queerphobia and cishetnormativity are, but meliorn can make that so clear in their words in a way thats just, like, fantastic to hear, you know? and they dont even mean to, but it's great all the same

plus meliorn actually does feel good because a lot of people look at them and smile broadly or even wave, especially younger people who are just like, in awe of them and Magnus, who are so unapologetically gnc and indisputably beautiful, and looking at them is just like, inspiring, you know? and Meliorn has never felt this admired and appreciated and they dont even fully understand why, they're just walking around in their usual clothing and leaf makeup and everyone is just like, in love with them. and it's nice. they can tell there's an edge of sadness to the whole thing, like how their normal everyday existence seems to be so shocking and refreshing for these people, but mostly they feel good about it

later they bring their findings to the other seelies - you know, the ones who dont usually leave the realm and are way less familiar with mundane culture(s) than they are - and the others are like. shut up. there's no way this is real. the shape of their genital defines what wavelength they are supposed to find appealing? this makes no sense. and meliorn's like "idk what to tell u buddy i literally physically can't lie" and they're like surely this is an elaborate prank

but anyway it's fun and nice and they enjoy it greatly and ask Magnus a lot of questions, and Magnus loves going with them more than anyone else because its just so fun and the way this is completely unnatural to them feels refreshing - Magnus doesnt have to explain why he feels the way he feels, for once, but rather he has to explain why people dont get that, and thats a good change tbh

okay onto other ppl im sorry for this tangent djdndjdndk RAPHAEL YES. god i just. okay i love the mental image of Magnus taking Raphael to pride aaaaaaaa

like okay first of all so many layeRS to make this emotional, okay. the fact that he's now a daylighter and can enjoy being out in the sun, the fact that this is a bright costumed parade and it kinda reminds him of the día de los muertos parade and makes him feel at home, the fact that he gets to celebrate and meet other ace ppl - just, so many good things going on here dundidmdi

and Raphael was kinda unsure about going because 1- pride can get pretty sexual at times, and while he gets it and doesn't mind other people's business, he doesn't want to be hit on or participate in that; 2- big crowd makes senses go craycray and it can get very overwhelming and he's scared of overload, plus it's just not his scene in general with huge parties and such. but a part of him does want to go and he's torn, so of course Magnus is immediately like "oh dear, don't worry, i can take you, i'll make sure it's good" and Raphael is like okay

so Magnus takes him and it's :') nice, because as always he’s just so attentive. disclosure i’ve only ever been to the São Paulo pride so i’m gonna go with how it works in here but im assuming it’s not that different in like, other places. also São Paulo currently has the biggest pride parade in the world along with NYC so you know, i think it’s influential at the very least

anyway so he finds a section that’s led by ace pride groups, one that’s considerably small (in number of ppl) and spacious, and it’s. nice. very nice. magnus makes it a point to paint the ace pride colors on raphael’s face (we deserve raphael in makeup tbh) and raphael is all like “it’s fine, it’s not like i’ll want to draw a lot of attention” (like he isn’t wearing the ace flag colors already) and magnus is like hush, let me have this, i want my boy to have a good pride experience. so raphael lets him and hides his smile and lets him, and it’s. cute okay

also idk why but i have the mental image of raphael seeing some other latino guy with some sign like. “i’m not your fetish” or something of the sort, and kind of tearing up because his whole life he’s been seen as this kind of sexual fantasy that couldn’t not be about sex, much less not be interested in it, and he feels seen. and it’s nice, okay

and as promised it’s not too overwhelming in matters of like people, tactile issues and such (there’s little magnus can do about the noise other than spell raphael to decrease his sensitivity so he doesn’t get overwhelmed, which is not ideal because it makes communication a bit harder between them, but he does it anyway if raphael asks him to), and if raphael gets tired, they can always turn into a corner and take a portal back home and cuddle the post-crowd jitteriness away. so it’s a success. and raphael hugs magnus later and thanks him and says that it was so great, that he’s missed this, the energy and the colors and the sun, and he never thought he’d get to have it again, and he did thanks to magnus. and magnus hugs him back and tells him “anything for you, my boy,” and it’s the sweetest thing okay im emo

also okay this still falls under Raphael and Meliorn but the POLYCULE okay, or at least saiaphaeliorn. like sign me the fuck up for the 4 of them together at pride, meliorn and magnus helping make some cute pride-themed makeup on the other 3, just aaaaaaaaa. maia looking absolutely gorgeous with her face framed in the bright bi colors, maybe a sunny dress with the trans flag colors? just because i think she’d look so cute in like, a mostly white dress with baby pink and blue details, okay. simon just paints the pan flag on his cheek but it’s still vibrant and cute and it suits him. and ghhghghghg meliorn delicately painting raphael’s face with colorful glitter..... effervescent, okay. just beautiful

and they get to hold hands in public and laugh and crack jokes and simon loves the music and the festival and raphael smiles fondly at him and maia singing along (him and meliorn definitely don’t know what the fuck they’re singing, but it’s okay because they’re clearly happy and that makes the two of them happy too) and just duahsdiahdaiuha soft okay. also they all get to experience meliorn’s takes on the whole thing and it’s fantastic and as usual meliorn gets raphael to laugh until he almost cries, and simon smiles brightly at the sight and gives meliorn a peck for their efforts, and just aaaaaaaa

in short they’re SOFT and i’m SOFT. and look yes i know that usually parades esp big ones are super crowded (lord knows the SP pride parade is an experience) but if in SP with 5 million ppl parading i could find sections with less people where you had enough space to walk holding hands and hear each other and not be overwhelmed, then i’m sure they can too, especially with magic and powers at their disposal. so i’m going to have this

also like. as much fun as this is for magnus (and it definitely is, it’s very nice to get to enjoy to be himself openly, and to bring kids there for their first time, and you know), it’s also bittersweet because like. he was there at stonewall, he was there for the first pride, you know? and apart from the obvious part where he lost so many friends who were there, there’s just. the very bad memories of the riots, because as important as they are and as much as he obviously doesn’t regret them, riots are hard, they are the language of the oppressed. he’s had to magically protect people from being shot by the police, he’s had to withstand trial by the Clave for using magic to shield the people from the tear gas and risking being seen, he’s had to save a lot of lives and he’s failed at it sometimes, too (i’ll always hc that he’s the reason neither Marsha nor Sylvia died during the riots and you can pry that away from my cold, dead hands). and he’s also seen it be whitewashed and lose some of its resistance and meaning, he’s seen Sylvia be booed at a later march when she spoke against imprisonment, and he’s seen so much be lost

and in that sense going to pride with alec later on might be his favorite, because it’s not like, a first time where he’s trying to get everyone to have the most fun they can and shit, you know? plus alec loves watching more than he does participating, he feels way too exposed in the crowded streets with so many openings and whatnot. but watching from a rooftop, where he has the best view, can still hear the sounds and enjoy the colors and the beauty of it from a distance? that’s perfect for him, and it’s a different experience

and magnus sits by his side as they watch, hand in hand, and reminisces about everything that he’s experienced after so many years, all the changes he’s seen, how he feels pride but he also feels loss and he feels old, and he fears what happens if pride’s history is forgotten, you know? and alec listens to him, listens to his version of this story, playing with magnus’ fingers and just enjoying the sound of his voice and the sight. and it’s nice. alec is always super attentive and enjoys hearing him talk and magnus can get lost in his memories unapologetically, you know? and it’s good

but that’s later on, of course, when they’ve already attended plenty together. for alec’s first pride he probably wants it to be like, perfect, so much so that alec has to tell him to slow down again, because of course magnus wants alec to have The Full Pride Experience, but alec would rather soak it up slowly than participate in a lot of stuff, anyway. magnus paints the rainbow flag on his cheek (one of the only occasions alec lets magnus put glitter on him, then promptly complains for the next three months because i swear that stuff is still on my skin, magnus, the other day i found some on my shoes! and magnus laughs at his antics as always and alec is forced to laugh too and can’t even be mad) and they kind of stay more by the end, and alec is kind of smiling in disbelief to himself the whole time as he watches all the colors and the unapologetic way people express their pride, and magnus can’t stop looking at him and grinning, too. and they walk hand in hand and it’s cute

(later, magnus says, see, mundane culture isn’t so bad, is it? and alec looks at him with a way more serious look, full of joy and happiness, and says, no, it isn’t. and kisses him and thanks him for everything, and it’s sweet)

also I'm soft thinking about Magnus reminiscing about planning the first pride along with "his dear friend Brenda" to Alec and/or Raphael, them putting their arms around his shoulder as he tells them the softer stories, too, the good things they did

small bonus: Magnus plays 2 truths and a lie with Simon regarding his memories of past prides, and Simon gets it wrong every time and is all wide eyed by the end, which makes both Magnus and Raphael laugh :)