#which is good cause i felt bad that he got up early to drive me and then. they had to reschedule me anyways. so it all ended up working out

[seventh-district]

oh, the unmatched relief of cancelled plans

[nectardaddy]

OH CAPTAIN, MY CAPTAIN. . . single dad! meian + f!reader

✮⋆˙ notes/CWs - brief mention of parental death, heavy underlying emotions, meian's a flirt when he wants to be, typos probably

It was all too early for the man that morning, the sun barely even breaking the horizon when his alarm went off. He rubbed at tired eyes the whole morning, fighting off the urge to do nothing more than get back in bed. But he couldn't do that, even if he had the chance - he had more than just himself to take care of. 

His daughter, Himawari, always, without fail, fought him on waking up; and now that it was earlier than normal, it was a complete lost cause. She fought against waking up, fought against getting ready, and fought against going outside because she refused to wear a jacket. But the chill outside turned her off to the idea of going to school all together. Stubborn, and moody from the change of schedule, he had to all but drag her to get in the car - she fought against that too.

They had to get to her school earlier than normal, his schedule clashed with all other times to meet with her teacher - a prerequisite, of sorts, to meet all new families at the beginning of the year - and he finally bit the bullet and asked for a time before school. Thank god her teacher agreed; despite the coaxing and near begging the man had to do to get his daughter in the building to begin with. 

She walked beside him, arms crossed over her chest with a scowl; a rather adorable sight at how small she was and the Hello Kitty bookbag she adorned. (But Meian told anyone who would listen to not let her fool them, she was as devilish as they came.) He shortened his strides whenever he walked with his daughter, he was tall enough that one stride was about three of hers; so he opted for picking her up with a groan. “Come here, you're killing me.” 

She fought against being picked up as well, “put me down!” A loud whine that nearly echoed in the empty hallway, “I don't wanna’ be held right now!” He only sighed as she squirmed against him, but eventually gave up once she realized she was no match. 

“It's not my fault you walk slow,” he groaned, but the smallest of smiles peaked at his lips once he cut his eyes over to her. She pouted, huffed, and did anything she could to make him feel bad; but it didn't work. 

“Maybe you just walk too fast.”

“Keep telling yourself that, Hima.” 

The hallway was long, almost liminal as the doors seemed to never end. Each decorated, or not, which showed the personality of who occupied it. The school was basically empty, besides the few staff members who got to work early on their own free will, and quiet. Quiet enough to hear the small sigh of defeat from his daughter, and she now rested her head on his shoulder. “Dad, I'm tired.” 

“I know.” Good god did he know. “Maybe if you went to bed on time you wouldn't be so sleepy.” 

“But I can't sleep when you're not there,” she sighed again. He felt his heart drop at her words, even though he knew them all too well. Every babysitter he ever had loved the girl, but every single one had never gotten her to fall asleep. The girl refused every time; and if she didn't, she laid in bed until she heard the front door open and shut, and the familiar voice of her father. She would drive herself to sleep deprivation all because Meian wasn't there. “I miss you too much to go to sleep.” 

“I know,” he repeated, much more softly than the latter. Filled with care, and hinted with regret, though he knew he had no other choice but to not be home. Games were important, not like the stray practices he would miss here and there; and the games that were later in the day he unfortunately couldn't bring her to. “I miss you too.” There was a small moment of silence, not knowing what to say as he felt his daughter fidget with the sleeve of his shirt.

The man prided himself with his encouragement skills and wise words, but more often than not he couldn't find them for himself. There was a missing piece to his mind it seemed, gaping and dreary as he wished nothing more than to be a good father - but to him, he always fell short. There were times he wasn't home, important events like school plays and concerts missed from commitments to his team, he couldn't help her with her homework as he wasn't home when she got back because of practice, and the period of time away for nationals felt like a stake through the heart every time it rolled around. 

An optimist with others, but a pessimist with himself. Always falling just shy of what he thought a good parent should be and what a good parent should do. It was utterly exhausting.

Despite his aching heart and rattling mind, he gave her a small smile and desperately tried to change the subject - more for himself rather than her. “Why don't you tell me about your teacher?” 

He heard the girl hum before she lifted her head to look at him with tired eyes. “I think you'll like her,” a tone that finally seemed to melt away the prior attitude. “She's really nice, not like my teacher last year, and she makes crafts with us.” She smiled, the first time that entire morning, “yesterday we read about bunnies and we made plates that looked like bunnies.”

“I know, you brought it home.” He smiled at the reminiscent thought; he came home just after she did, and she all but knocked him down running to show him the plate with construction paper and pom poms glued to it. “I'm actually pretty jealous, ‘sounds fun making bunny plates.” He chuckled, “you think the guys would want to make them?” Hima was well aware of the team he played for, moreover his teammates. She often saw them at the handful of practices and games that he took her to, but more so knew of them through the stories he shared.

She laughed at his question, and he took a silent sigh of relief. “Mr. Hinata might,” she giggled, “but I know Mr. Bokuto would!” The child picked favorites, most definitely; however, her favorite, out of all of them, was Sakusa - and he still had no unearthly reason why other than the dry humor he offered. Every practice he ever brought her to was always met with Hima hanging off of the man, annoying him, and pressing every button Sakusa had - and Meian let her, a silent act of revenge for the consistent arguments he started with Atsumu.

“You're right, he would.” Bokuto was just as childish as she, if not more - he would probably beg the man to make one if given the chance. “Do you want to show him yours later today?” While he didn't plan to take the girl to practice, the sentiment of longing still lingered in the back of his mind; twisted and turned until he felt sick. The awful feeling of thinking he spent too much time away from her returned; and he hoped bringing her with him might mend how he felt, and maybe make her tired enough she would, for once, go to sleep on time. 

“Really?” She asked excitedly. The girl cheered just before continuing on with her child like rambles. Himawari could go on for hours, days really, if he let her (which he more often than not did). She enjoyed talking about just about anything, and would find side story after side story as she went on through her rants. But the man never minded, he found it endearing that the girl had picked up his outgoing attitude. 

He smiled as she continued on, rounding a corner to the hallway that her classroom was on. The school was quite big, a primary school that housed kindergarten through sixth, so every grade level was split into smaller hallways. The man surprised himself that he could remember where to go, as the only other time he went was when she was in first grade. 

“She's really pretty, y'know?” Meian cut his eyes towards the girl, still holding her within his arms, and scrunched his brows.

“Who?” The word laced with confusion as his daughter only giggled again.

“My teacher.” He couldn't help but let a small breath pass his lips, and fought against rolling his eyes entirely. Himawari was prone to talking up the people within her life; which was an admirable trait to have, he was happy the girl wasn't a bully. But she was apt to make the older women around her larger than life - to play matchmaker. The girl couldn't remember her birth mother, she had passed when she was only a year old, but Meian made it a point to consistently remind the girl of her. Consistently reminded her, and himself, they were never abandoned. 

That never stopped Hima from yearning for another woman's presence though. Didn't stop her from the small smiles she would give her father when talking about women much older than she, his age, with an err of playfulness that made him roll his eyes. So to her latter statement he only hummed, “and what do you say about me then, huh?” 

“That you're old.” 

“Ouch-” he rolled his eyes at her nonchalant attitude, “I'm not even that old, Hima.”

“Yeah, ok.” Her sarcastic tone made him sigh, and he thought to himself that maybe he allowed her to hang about Sakusa all too much - his blunt choice of words rubbed off on her in ways he couldn’t imagine. Never rude, but curt replies that never failed to make him groan. But he kept his mouth shut on the topic as he continued walking, and thanked the stars he was almost to his destination. 

“Put me down, put me down!” The girl began to squirm in his arms, desperately trying to escape him to go to her teacher’s room that finally came within their view. The man quickly caved, picking his battles wisely with his daughter’s already flighty mood, and figured it wasn’t all that bad for her to be excited for school - quite the opposite really. 

He watched as his daughter ran through the doorway of the open classroom, and heard a cheery voice greet her from the other side. The voice was light and airy, joy mingling amongst syllables with every word spoken. There was an intent behind it that felt sound, secure - a voice that most definitely belonged to a second grade teacher. 

“Dad said I can bring my bunny plate to his practice and show his friends!” 

“Really? That's so cool, I bet they'll love it.” A small smile peaked on his lips at the woman’s words; although he couldn’t see it just yet, he could practically hear the smile she wore. “Did you get to show your dad yet?” 

Yet. 

The word alone made his steps slow just before he reached the door, letting his pace taper off before completely stopping and he let out a silent breath. It was her job to care, to provide comfort and joy, to create a sense of security and structure - but Himawara had no structure in her life. And it was all his fault, or so he thought. The girl, frankly, never knew her father’s schedule, as it always dialed and changed according to the needs of the team. He desperately tried, at any given opportunity, to cling to time with her - and while he cherished every second, it was never enough. 

He couldn’t help her as much as he liked with homework - yet. He couldn’t pick her up from school most days - yet. And he couldn’t find it within the chasms of his mind to give himself grace - yet. 

“I did! He put it on the fridge!” He wished he could be more like his daughter - happy and unknowing in the reality of real life. A childlike sense of certainty that everything was fine, that one could find joy in everything if they looked hard enough, and an unwavering belief that her father did everything under the sun for her. He couldn’t help but smile softly at the thought, and allowed the burden of ‘yet’ to pass him. 

“Now that's where real masterpieces go,” she mused. “Did you tell him the book we read?” 

“Not the title at least,” he chuckled as he rounded the doorway. “Everything else about it? Absolutely. I could probably quote it to you at this point.” A joke that landed fairly well, as he heard the woman laugh in response, but the comedic energy the man once held was quickly replaced with awe as he leaned against the doorway.

Himawari was wrong, utterly wrong. Her teacher wasn't pretty - she was beautiful.

He felt his stomach lurch to his throat, a brief sensation but one that made him cough. The realization that the woman was his daughter's teacher made him feel rather small, stupid even, and wildly out of his element. He woke up that morning and simply got ready for practice - a slam packed schedule as the practice started just after this meeting would be over - and now he deeply regretted it. 

“‘Morning, Mr. Meian.” He felt like a puddle of the man he once was only seconds ago, before she said his name. A subtle code switch that he picked up on from her - a voice for talking to children, and a voice for adults. He felt his mind go blank and nearly asked her to talk to him as if he were a child, maybe then he wouldn't have been so enamored. 

He couldn't help but linger in the doorway to the classroom, the exposed skin of his arm leaning against the cool wood of the frame. Hands shoved into the pockets of track pants as he watched the woman retrieve papers from her desk. Only then did she meet his eyes and his breath hitched in his throat. She paused for a fraction of a second, her pace stuttering just before forcing her eyes to the ground and continuing on. 

This was terrible. 

“You can come in,” her voice was softer in comparison to her latter statement, nervous even. It made him second guess why he was here in the first place, despite the flicker of his daughter playing with a puzzle on the floor nearby.

“How are you?” He asked, trying to fight against the heat that wanted to surge to his face. He felt silly making small talk, the man always fell flat on his face when it came to it, but felt even sillier if he had said nothing at all. 

“Tired,” she spoke through a chuckle, and he could tell. Behind a, semi, forced smile was tired eyes and a look of exhaustion. It was only Wednesday, and he suddenly felt bad for making the meeting in the first place. “But I'm here. How about yourself?” 

“About the same as you,” he smiled. “Sorry again for wanting this meeting so early, it's the only time that worked.” An apology didn’t seem like it should be enough now that he looked at the woman. Albite pretty, she looked weary, burnt out, and he sensed a twinge of discontent - like she didn’t want to be there in the first place. Groveling may have been a better thing to do, but it wasn’t as if he had a choice in the time he chose. He exhausted all other options from a meticulous schedule that was downright impossible to change.

“Don't worry about it,” she shrugged, “I'm just glad you didn't want it way after school.” 

“Feels like a crime to make you stay that long.” 

“It should be.” She met his eyes again and smiled, one that seemed genuine rather than forced this time. And he watched her eyes flicker to the other side of the room after a moment. “We can sit back there,” she motioned towards a semi circle table in the back of the room. “It's a little cluttered, but it's better than sitting at a desk made for a second grader.” The table didn't seem cluttered in the slightest; occupied with stacks of papers and different containers, each having a different color that he only guessed was for ease of organization. 

She sat down, he followed, and began shifting the papers and containers over, now lining the edges with organized chaos than the latter neat piles. “Sorry,” she chuckled. “They come back here to work with me, so keeping everything neat is almost unheard-of.” 

He let a laugh pass his lips just before he cut his eyes to his daughter, then promptly returned his gaze to her. “Trust me, I know. She'll pull out everything and decide she doesn't even want to play anymore.” 

He felt his heart squeeze when she laughed in response, it was a laugh he could easily get used to, a laugh he wanted to hear more often than just at school. It was gentle, lighthearted, and voluntary - it didn’t feel like a laugh she had to force, as he suspected she did often. His mind kept circling back to the sound as she spoke; he didn’t even realize she had formally started the meeting just minutes ago. His thoughts were the furthest from where they should have been, as he couldn’t seem to take his eyes off of her. 

Dazed, seemingly on cloud nine, he didn’t register that she spoke of grades, behavior, and reading level. He simply nodded along as he tried to memorize every detail of the woman in front of him: her eyes were dark and tired, she had smile lines on the sides of her lips, of which he guessed were from years of doing nothing but, her clothes were casual but nice despite the knowledge that children were frankly disgusting, and the side of her dominant hand was stained with multicolored marker, which he only imagined was the set up of a craft for later today. 

“Do you have any questions?” The sentiment jerked him back to the present, and his fuzzy mind cleared quickly once he realized he didn’t register a single thing she spoke about. “Anything you want to add, maybe?”

“When's the next time you're doing these meetings?” The only query that made headway in his mind left his lips at the same time; speaking without thinking, and noticing too late what managed to tumble from his tongue. 

“Conferences?” There was a sense of confusion riddled in her voice; if he were listening, he would have known that his daughter was doing just fine - excelling even. 

“Yeah,” he nodded. And despite his better judgment, he doubled down on the sentiment entirely. “When's the next time I can talk to you?” He watched the woman’s eyes widen, and for a moment he felt like an idiot until he noticed a barely there, bitten back smile. 

“You could always email me?” It was a subtle change in conversation, but one that both picked up on quickly. He was convinced the woman was trying to make his heart stop when she locked eyes with him, a cheekiness to the once serious discussion now diminished. “I respond pretty quickly actually.”

“Do you, now?” He leaned forward slightly, enough to rest his elbows against the table. At first the distance between the two was vast, professional, but he closed the door to professionality and locked it when he leaned in closer to her. She bit the inside of her cheek, still fighting the smile that desperately wanted to bloom on her lips. “That's good to know. But, I feel like I get a million emails every day. I'd never live it down if I missed one from you.” 

“Things happen,” she shrugged with a gentle chuckle. “Did you have a better alternative though?” It was then he realized she wasn’t talking to him like a teacher anymore; instead, the tone had shifted again. This was actually her - not a teacher, not a professional - her. A coy change in the color of her voice that made his heart do flips, but played upon regardless. 

“Getting your number was one.” 

The battle between her and her ever growing smile ultimately ended in defeat at his proposition. Her lips pulled upward in an inviting smile and she cast her eyes to the table, a sheepishness washing over her at the man’s boldness - but she couldn’t deny that she liked it. “It's not every day I give a parent my personal number.” 

“We don't need to talk about school.”

“Then what exactly would we talk about?” 

“If you're free this weekend, or any weekend really?” The question left his lips with ease, despite the nerves that overflowed him when he first entered. He saw her eyes flicker back up to meet his own, catching his gaze once more, to which his heart hammered in his chest. 

“What did you have in mind, Mr. Meian?” 

“We don't have to decide that now,” a cheeky reply as he flashed her a smile. “We have until Saturday to figure that out.”

“I guess we do.” She looked down again, biting at the inside of her cheek, before reaching next to her at a stack of sticky notes. “You better not use this to ask me questions about second grade math,” she teased as she wrote the number down. Her handwriting was pretty and neat, a whimsy to it that matched her job to a tee. Once done, she took it off the stack and handed it to him, their fingers briefly touching as he took it from her. There was a pause when their fingers met; her fingers were cold against his own and it sent a shockwave through him. He could die happy if he was able to feel that again. 

“That sucks. Because I've been really struggling with adding and subtracting.” He broke the brief silence with a boldness, one that looked all too good on him, and he smiled again. She rolled her eyes and laughed at his statement, “I’ll text you later today.”

“I hope you do.”

taglist (open, send an ask)

@causenessus @softpia @renardiererin @kodzu-ken @phoenix-eclipses

@wyrcan @honeekyuu @wakashudou @wolffmaiden @eggyrocks 

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@jadeoru @hyunteru @kameyyy @nekozaki @sandwhitches

@knightofwands-upright

[strawbrrycuteblog]

Hiii, I need more domish wolf jake pls😭

jake and you were in y’all’s bedroom kissing slowly whilst watching a movie. you straddled his lap while making out with him, burying your tongue in his mouth.

Jake lets out a deep growl, grabbing your hips, pulling you closer against his hardening cock, still thrusting upwards against you. “Babe, you're driving me wild. I need to take you right now.”

you could only moan as you grind down against his hard cock, rutting roughly against him, “please please..”

The soft fabric of his sweatpants were enough to turn you on but not enough to get friction on your little clit, he noticed and chuckled again, “do I get to play the strings tonight pup?”

He held your chin as you had a pout and nodded, “I need it so bad jakey, need your body so so bad..”

He smirked and pulled off your soft shirt, your boobs popping out as the cold air hit the surface of your warm skin, a gasp slipping from the plush of your lips.

“That feels good doesn’t it?” He flicked your nipples with his fingers, pinching them which made you arch your back, a loud moan coming out of you as he did so.

He took his time kissing your neck and collarbones, sneakily scenting your body as he rubbed his ears against you while sucking on your boobs, the nipple caught between his teeth while he massaged your other breast.

The tan skin he has colliding against yours, the lamp on the bedside table made the spit he left on your nipples glisten and shine, as if it was a jewel, to him. They were.

He moved down to your stomach, kissing along your ribcage and tracing or licking every beauty mark on your soft skin. His hands held your hips as he went further down and got to the cloth hiding his dinner.

He pulled your shorts down, along with the panties, he felt your hands go to his hair as an attempt to pull his close to your leaking folds, but he listened as his nose brushed against your clit, pulling soft breathes from you before a moan when he licked a stripe up the middle, going over it again and again until his tongue start to hurt.

His jaw dropped as his fingers parted your folds, the glossy little fuck hole he had was causing him to grind against the bed, he pushed his tongue into the tight area, stretching it out as a prep, the entrance to his apparent heaven made to fit his dick perfectly was the peak of his days at most times.

Of course he loved seeing you and loved hearing your jokes but the bond that came with slipping into you was like no other, especially when you were a virgin before him. He got up on his knees, shuffling his sweats down as he came up and put his hand over your mouth;

“Spit.”

At his words you did, spitting into his hand so he could go back down and rub it over his cock, jerking it a few times as his ear went flat and his hips jolted.

He knew if he went in you right now he’d probably come waiting three minutes, but he would try to hold out.

He started to push his tip into your hole, making you whimper as Jake was very thick, the size kink he had went crazy everytime he tried to put his dick in you. “Come on pup you gotta open up for me..” he spoke firm as he swore your pussy was trying to reject him even though your eyes were rolled back.

He ripped through the hard rejection of your cunt and began to slam himself into you.

“Yes! Like that!”

Was all that came out of you while he ripped your pussy apart, your legs on his shoulders as his balls slapped against your ass. He groaned while trying to hold back from coming to early. That was until he heard a squeal come from you and the next thing he knew he was filling you up till the brim, pumping his cock into you until the cum was spilling out.

“Fuuuccckk…pup soon we’re gonna need condoms.”

He watched you shake your head, he knew you liked raw sex, no stupid barrier between y’all when you could just take pills.

But besides that your orgasm hitting you, your legs cramping from the position before Jake dropped them and shot blanks into you as he he grunted.

After a few minutes of lying there in the comforter he took you to the bathroom and got into the bathtub with you. The hot water relaxing the both of you.

[cringefailvox]

Yooo you have an Alastor + Vaggie-centric AU 👀👀👀 what are some of the details if you don’t mind me asking jagsjajhsjsk

OKAY SO. back in april, birdsaretoddlers and i were talking about the potential hilarity of a vaggie/charlie/alastor poly dynamic and then we accidentally got way too into vaggie/alastor as a concept, which spiraled into a whole au that has unfortunately not left the discord server but MAYBE. SOMEDAY......

the barest bones of it are essentially that vaggie represents everything that alastor finds most pathetic & baffling in other people: dogged, singular loyalty to a cause & a person based on sheer loving devotion, with no ulterior motives or plans beyond protecting and supporting that person. and of course she rubs him the wrong way extremely frequently, just as much as he gets on her nerves. she's nearly codependent with charlie while alastor would rather chew off his own foot than be tethered to someone in that way. he's the type of sinner who exemplified vaggie's mission as an exorcist, the kind of demon she wouldn't have thought twice about cutting down because he clearly deserves it. he's never felt remorse in his life and vaggie has been walking on her knees for a thousand miles in the desert repenting since the day she fell. they are diametrically opposed.

AND YET. alastor recognizes a lot of his own traits in her as well! she's guarded, secretive, violent, has a lot of trust issues, and possessive of what she considers hers. alastor knows exactly what that's like. but vaggie is mystifying to him, because he cannot for the love of g-d understand what kind of sentimental nonsense could drive her to recklessly put her life on the line for charlie over and over and over again, with no regard for her own safety and NO other motivations besides?? LOVE??? sounds fake but ok.

vaggie also sees some of herself in alastor too, as much as it rankles—she's reminded viscerally of herself in the early days after losing her wings and her eye, suspicious and traumatized and deeply mistrustful of charlie's good intentions. couldn't even fathom that kindness could be genuine in hell. she looks at alastor and all of his trust issues and decides "redeeming this guy is impossible, but i really think i could at least get him to stop biting," you know, like you'd think about a reactive shelter dog who keeps growling at your handful of treats. you'll never be able to take that dog out in public without a lot of precautions and low expectations, but at least at home, it'll trust you not to hurt it if it lays its head in your lap.

for alastor's part, his whole interest in vaggie starts off as a way to cuddle up to charlie (and piss off lucifer), but he rapidly gets way too invested because there's no such thing as doing anything ironically for long, and it's kind of his Move, yk? he worms relentlessly into someone's life until he firmly has their attention, and then when he realizes he's in too deep and tries to withdraw and they cling, he's like "?? leave me alone??" (bird: "the ol vox special gets him literally nowhere") but now VAGGIE is invested too bc she's reluctantly fond of this creepy weirdo who eats deer carcasses in his room and for some reason let adam almost kill him defending the hotel, he doesn't get to just crawl away and die from his injury now that she's finally starting to like his freak ass. of course alastor is a nightmare patient and vaggie's bedside manner is atrocious so they're really bad at it. but they're trying and that's what matters!!

(also, charlie is weeping with joy in the background of all of this—her two biggest supporters, getting along!! kind of!! she's so proud of them both!!!! [alastor has completely forgotten that this venture started off as a way to manipulate charlie. get polycule'd, idiot]).

hopefully one day we'll manage to turn this into an actual fic, but for now enjoy these highlights :]

[xhoess]

Fashion and design

Masterlist

Hongjoong!model x fem Bod! Fotographer

Summary: Hongjoong is a model and has his own clothing line, you are his fotographer for the day. When you saw that you got a chance to shoot hongjong you didn't believe it. You have been a fan of his clothing line for a while and are absolutely obsessed with it, but what you don't know is that he has been following your work since that day you started to post your photos.

Genre: romance(?), mature content

Warnings: without protection(wrap it up!!!), hongjoong down bad for you

You where sitting on your bed with your laptop, checking if you have anymore jobs for the next weeks. You see that next week on Wednesday you have a shoot scheduled with the Kim hongjoong. Designer and model. Your jaw drops in shock, why did he chose you to be his photographer, he has never even met you?

You quickly pick up your phone and dial your friends number.

"Jongho you will not believe who I will be shooting next week" "you sound exited, so probably someone famous?" He guesses. "Well yes ofcourse someone famous but I'll give you a hint, he is one of my top 3 designers in the fashion industry right now" you hear jongho think on the other side of the line, "hmm, is it Kim hongjoong?" He asks "YES it's fucking the Kim hongjoong, how did he find me I'm not even that famous I only had a couple professional collaborations" "I don't know y/n but I do know you definitely need to accept this, this is such a huge opportunity" He said "you're right, but I would never in a million years decline this anyway" you laugh.

You and jongho talk for a couple more minutes before you hang up to get ready for bed. But before you get up to wash your face you quickly accept the job offer. You can't wait till next Wednesday.

You were ready to lay in bed but your phone pings, you got an Instagram DM of a online friend you made recently, he was the absolute sweetest and helped you with a few dilemmas. You've told him almost everything that happened in your life the last few months and he's a good listener.

The week goes by very slow but it's finally Wednesday. You grab your stuff and drive to your photo studio. You've never felt so nervous to do a shoot, but it's logical, it's the biggest one yet.

Once the door is unlocked you turn the lights on with the light switch, you always forget how bright that light it's. Especially when it's still dark outside, which is right now because you need to come at least 2 hours early to set everything up.

About 1 pm there was a loud knock on the door, you rushed to the front of the studio to open it. "Hi, come on in, I am y/n l/n I will be your photographer today!" You say kindly, trying not to freak out in the meantime. "Hi y/n, my name is Hongjoong. I am glad you excepted my request, I love your work" He says while bowing slightly to greet you.

"You're kidding, I absolutely love the clothing line you have going on right now. Is it true you design every piece by yourself?" You ask. Hongjoong nods "yes, and I absolutely love doing it. Maybe I do it a bit to much, it causes a lot of stress but at the end it's all worth it" "I'm sure it is" you say.

A few minutes later you showed Hongjoong the dressing room where he could change clothes in private. While he was putting on the first outfit you put on some music, if it's silent you can't function properly.

When he came out of the dressing room you sure you stared a little too long at him "you like it?" He asked, smiling slightly. "I swear it's the best one yet, I love it when there is a lot of accessories in a outfit" you say. "I know" Hongjoong said, you were confused, what does he mean he knows? But you let it slide. You where not gonna let this get awkward. You told him to stand in front of the camera and the rest of the shoot went by quickly.

It was now 3 pm, the shoot was done and hongjoong went back to the dressing room. But he forgot his phone on the table next to the camera. When you picked it up to give it to him you saw a message from yourself on his phone. When i say your heart dropped it was not an understatement. Did you send him a instagram message? You questioned yourself so you went to double check on your own account. But no, the only one you had texted was your online friend. It couldn't possibly be him right?

You knock on his dressing room door and he sticks his head out, "y/n, what's up" "can you explain why you have a text of Me on your phone?" You say. "What? Where you going through my phone" "no you left it on the table next to my camera and I send a text message to what I thought was my online best friend but then your phone pings and I saw my username pop up. So explain, why were you being someone else?" He sighs "Come in please"

Once you've settled on the couch he begins explaining, "look, I can't follow you with my real account, people would've start questioning things and they would've started texting you about me. It was never my intention to Lie to you about it. But I love your work and I just wanted to contact you about it at first" he explained. You get it, you really do but you start to think back to all the conversations you had with him. And you remember one very clearly, last week when you hung op on jongho you texted him saying 'omg I am gonna photograph Hongjoong, now I am gonna see if he's really that hot in real life'

"I texted you ABOUT you, I've said so many stuff about you? I'm so embarrassed" you say and you can feel your cheeks burning. "You are embarrassed? I am the one who should be embarrassed" Hongjoong said, he sits down next to you and tries to make sure you have nothing to be ashamed of.

"But am I as hot as you thought I should be?" You don't answer. "Too shy to say it now, you said worse things about me tho" you looked at him "don't remind me hongjoong" you say, clearly ashamed of what you said. "Yk it's kinds hot when you told what you find hot about me like 3 monts ago, haven't stopped thinking about it since. Oh and the way you send daily vlogs about your day to me is so adorable, it's the highlight of the day. But when you send me that one outfit haul with the black long dress for the party, the one with the split and the cleavage was showing. I would be lying if I didn't get off that night"

"Are you serious?" He nods "yes, you have nothing to be embarrassed about y/n. I'm worse" "you're not worse" you state. While he was talking you where staring at his lips. "What compliments did you like the most then huh?" You say.

"When you said my hands would make a pretty necklace, got my head spinning while thinking about it" He said. "Let's make it happen then" you say.

Hongjoong lips attached to yours, the kiss wasn't so loving, it was rather hungry and messy. He pulled you on his lap and, he groaned in your mouth when you moved your hips downwards. His hand creeps from the back of your neck to the front, he disconnected the kiss and looked at you. You already looked fucked out and he had barely even started.

"Just as pretty as I imagined" He said. "Just shut up and fuck me already" you whined. "I'm taking my time with you" "well I am not taking my time with you" you slid of his lap and sat on your knees in front of the couch, in-between his legs.

You buckled his belt lose and in the process your hand brushed against his hard on, he bit the inside of his mouth to stay silent. His eyes stayed on you the whole time while you were u dressing him. Now he is only left in His underwear.

You get up and sit on his lap again, you connect your lips together and slide your hand from his torso to the waistband of his pants, you slide your hand in his underwear and you wrap your hand around his cock, you can already feel the precum comming put of his tip.

You start stroking your hand up and down, hongjong needs more, he bucks his hips upwards and moans in your mouth.

You get down on your knees again and take of his underwear in the meantime, his cock springs free and your hand is around it again in no time. You lower your head and lick his cock from the bottom to the top, he throws his head back and cursed your name. Once you reach the top you take the tip in your mouth and swirl your tongue around it.

He grabs a fistful of your hair and pushes you down a bit, you give in and start to bob your head up and down in a smooth motion. After a few minutes Hongjoong pulled out of your mouth "I can't hold it any longer and I want to be in you when I cum" He says, out of breath.

He lays you down on the couch and starts to prep you, he wets his fingers by sucking on them and God that looked hot. He first fingers you with two fingers but he soon noticed that you're so wet that he can easily add another one, you moan at the stretch when he adds the third finger.

"I'm ready joong" you manage to get out, and he does not need more consent. "Do you have a condom?" He asks, you shake your head "shit" He curses, "I'm clean" you say, looking at him with big eyes, "me too, you wanna do it without?" You nodded at him.

He hovers above you and lines up, he moves his hips slowly to let you adjust. Once you've adjusted fully he bottoms out slowly just to quickly push his cock back in. He looks at the way your boobs move when he pushes himself back in and decides to grab one of them, gently squeezing it.

"I can't hold it in much longer baby" He whines, you clench around him and he fastens his pace, his hand wraps around your neck and squeezes it, not to hard but hard enough to feel it. "You where right, pretty necklace" He says out of breath.

"I'm cumming" you moan, and a few seconds later you do, while you cum you clench even harder around hongjoongs cock and you moan out his name. That sends him over the edge and cums too. His semen is spilling out of you because it's so much.

Both of you are laying breathlessly on the couch, rethink about what just happened.

I just had fucking sex with Kim hongjoong, was the only thing you could think about.

Leave a like if you liked it!!! X.R

[d1xonss]

Desert Rose

Chapter 6 ~ Metallica

✧ Pairing : Daryl Dixon x Rose

✧ Era : Season 1

✧ Word Count : 4.6k

In this chapter ~ With the plan of the CDC in motion, the whole group packed up everything and headed for the long and boring journey to get there. The trip hit a few unexpected bumps, leading to even leaving a member behind, but the question remained once they arrive if any of this was even worth it at all.

"Alright, y'all know what to do if anything goes wrong, just honk twice and we'll all pull over." Shane said, clapping his hands together.

This morning was hectic to say the least as we all got ready bright and early to head off towards the CDC like Rick had planned. Everything felt rushed as the group packed up the entirety of the camp, gathering our most precious belongings into small bags as we gathered around for one last moment before diving straight into the uncharted territory. It was nerve racking.

I could sense immediately that everyone was uneasy about this decision, now more than ever knowing that we were actually going through with it. Since I first woke up this morning there had been nothing but tension and anxiety filling the air, though nothing seemed to change. In fact, the need to get there faster only grew with how quickly Jim seemed to be slipping away. 

After Shane's long and drug out speech, the directions in which he recited for us to go, Morales stepped up next as he looked to all of us with saddened eyes. "We're...we're not going." he hesitantly announced.

Our eyes looked to him and his small family, unsure if they knew what they were doing. "Are you sure?" Rick asked the man.

He nodded, "We're sure. We have some loved ones hauled up just a few hours away. And I gotta do what's right for my family." he confirmed.

The situation then only grew tenser as the rest were forced to say goodbye to some good people they had known since the outbreak first started, feeling as though they were losing them for good. But no one wanted to stop them from finding the rest of their family, only offering tearful embraces as they parted with heavy hearts. I only waved towards them with a small smile, silently wishing them the best even though I hadn't known them all that well.

Through everyone's emotions we all wished them luck as we watched them pile into their car and slowly drive off down the dirt road, honking and waving out the window until we couldn't see them anymore. Genuinely I hoped that they would be okay and continue to be safe going off on their own, but there was something about the situation telling me that something bad was bound to happen. Though I didn't want to jinx or dwell on it, so I just let it go.

Everyone then began moving towards their own vehicles now seeing as they were fully gone, causing me to shake my head at my thoughts and jog over to retrieve my bag before we left. Though upon a second glance, I quickly realized that there was little to no room anywhere else in the many cars lined up in front of me. There was one spot left in Shane's Jeep, while the other option was in Daryl's pickup. Awesome.

I couldn't lie though, it wasn't that hard of a decision as I found myself instantly moving towards the truck, lingering towards the passenger side as I opened up the door. "Mind if I ride with you...?"

He huffed with a shake of his head, "Whatever."

My brows raised as I ignored whatever mood he was in, hopping in with my bag and set it down by my feet, beginning the drive to the CDC as soon as the RV started to move and lead the line of vehicles. The anticipation weighing heavily on each and every one of us. I glanced out the window as my elbow leaned against it, staring at the entirety of the forest passing by as we slowly made our way down the little mountain. There was a long silence that followed, but it wasn't uncomfortable. However, I grew bored of it after only a few minutes and found myself mindlessly looking for any cd's laying around if I was lucky.

Surely he and his brother had some type of music in here considering they either look like they listened to hick country or death metal. Which one, I wouldn't know for sure until I found wherever their secret stash of music was in this rusty thing.

Daryl quickly took notice of me poking around and I could tell he didn't like it. "The hell ya doin?" he asked, taking his eyes off the road for a split second.

"Do you have any cd's?" I asked him. I couldn't even remember the last time I had listened to some music, and I was dying to get away from the silence.

"In here." he said, pointing to the center console.

I opened it and looked in, noticing he had a decent number of cases lined up against each other which brought a small smile to my face. Flipping through them quickly, one immediately caught my eye, taking out the disk to place it in without a second thought.

"What'd you pick?" he asked.

I just held my finger up, signaling him to wait for it to start playing. He rolled his eyes, but managed to keep his mouth shut until, For Whom The Bell Tolls by Metallica started to blast through the shitty speakers.

He looked back at me in clear disbelief before shaking his head, "Nah, ain't no way yer a Metallica fan."

I glanced over at him with a nonchalant shrug, "Well, believe it. There's dead people walking around, clearly anything is possible these days."

My comment caused a flicker of amusement to flash across his face, the corners of his mouth twitching up slightly before he looked back toward the road to keep driving. I leaned my head back on the cushioned seat, resting my eyes and tapping my fingers on my legs to the rhythm of the song as I listened. Although there was still a dull pressure in the front of my head that was causing me to grow much more tired quicker than I anticipated. And before I knew it, I had drifted off to sleep without even realizing, feeling the truck vibrating soothingly as he drove.

My heart about fell out of my chest when I felt someone lightly shaking my shoulder as I somehow submerged myself in a deep sleep, "Rose?" I heard Daryl's voice rasp. My eyes snapped open as I turned over quickly to face him, still trying to wake up as he continued, "Come on, somethin happened, we're all pulled over."

I nodded slowly as I processed his words, following him out of the truck and walking side by side to see what the issue was. Except I couldn't help but replay the moment Daryl woke me in my head a few different times now that my brain was actually registering what was going on. That was the first time he called me by my actual name, and for some reason it caused a flutter to erupt in my stomach, hearing his gravel voice say it so clearly. Though I seemed to drop it before I could linger on it too much, focusing on the actual problem at hand as we all surrounded the RV.

Jacqui came out breathlessly, "Y'all, it's Jim, he's looking really bad, I don't think he's gonna make it." she said sadly.

It was a tough pill to swallow, nearly an impossible thing to accept, but Jim reluctantly informed all of us that he wanted to be left behind. Practically the entire group began to protest, wanting to think of another solution rather than just ditching him on the side of the road, but that wasn't what he wanted. I didn't know how I felt about the sudden idea, but in the end, it was his choice. And no one else could really seem to argue with that as there was simply no other resolution.

Rick and Shane trailed back into the RV with hesitance as they removed him from the mattress he was laying on in the back, gently taking him by each arm to support him towards a tree up a small grassy hill to our right. They placed him down on the ground, making sure he was comfortable before everyone else began going up to him to say their goodbyes.

God this was depressing, parting ways with Morales and his family just this morning and now having to say goodbye to a dying man that chose to be all alone when he passed. The situation was enough to send my stomach twisting in remorse. One by one I watched everyone say something to him with a certain sadness on their features, some hugging him before swiftly turning back down the hill before it got to be too much. 

I didn't do much other than a simple wave with a nod, not knowing if I could find the right words before slowly turning to head back toward the truck.

"Rose, wait!" Jim suddenly called.

I was taken off guard at his wish to speak to me, but who was I to say no? "Yeah?" I asked in a soft voice, crouching down to his level.

"I wish I could've gotten to know you better," he said with a smile "you seem like a great person and you're strong. Never stop fighting"

I was honestly at a loss for words, his sincerity leaving me speechless. I hardly knew this man at all and here he was, giving me a piece of advice and confidence after only knowing him a few days. If anything, this just made me feel even worse for him than I did before, making it harder to turn back around and leave.

I nodded in genuine appreciation, "Thank you, Jim. I'm so sorry this happened to you..."

He smiled a little, "It's okay," he breathed, "I'm seeing my family again...that's something I can't wait for." 

My lips curved up to return his smile, giving his hand a squeeze before turning back to trail down toward the road, noticing Jim had called Daryl back to say something just as he did with me. I didn't look back even though I may have wanted to, opening the door and closing it again as I stared down at my feet, waiting for him to get back. I couldn't help but think this was all a waste of time now, heading towards the CDC while Jim was left behind here. It didn't feel right.

Not a minute later I felt Daryl return to the driver's side, starting the truck back up with a sputter to follow the others ahead of us once more, not even giving the man a second glance as we passed. I didn't ask what he said to him, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little curious.

A variety of different songs played as an hour passed, driving down the long and tedious roads. But suddenly, Daryl's voice was the one to break the silence which surprised me greatly. I could've sworn at first that I imagined it.

"So, how'd ya end up findin the group anyway?" he asked, not looking over at me.

I hummed, "Well...when they were stuck it Atlanta, they saved me from a bunch of walkers...I guess they just heard me and came running. But Andrea for one wasn't a big fan of helping a stranger, believe me she made that very clear." I muttered with a scoff, "To be honest, I didn't even want to come back with them to camp."

He then looked over at me a bit curiously, "Why?"

I shrugged, "Because I figured I was better off on my own, away from people. That's kind of how it's always been for me, so I didn't like the idea of coming into a group so suddenly."

He grew silent for a moment or two after my comment, leaving the entire conversation nearly up in the air as I thought he was done speaking. But again, he surprised me. "So, that means you ain't stayin?"

My eyes glanced over at him for a second, desperately trying to study him and figure out what was going through his mind. Though something I was able to catch was a hint of displeasure in his eyes, but I could've been completely off about that. I mean, why would he of all people care if I stayed or not?

"I wasn't going to at first," I admitted, "But I guess I came to realize that it's kind of nice having people around. And I don't know, maybe a change would be good for me."

I attempted to open myself up a bit more since I decided to put my trust into these people. Normally I would've never in a million years said any of that to him, wanting to stay closed off in fear of being judged for what I had to say. But somehow this...felt different. It almost confused me with how well I could talk to him so effortlessly. But then again it shouldn't have, seeing as he was a good listener. Just like I tried to be.

He didn't say much in response to my answer, just a ghost of a smile appearing on his lips before turning all his attention back to the road, Metallica still playing loudly in the background.

The road trip of a journey finally led all of us to what seemed like the CDC, the giant and expensive building being on the outskirts of everything else. But we all silently knew this was the place, the metal guard rails blocking every single thing was kind of a big giveaway. My brows furrowed with worry as I saw the number of dead walkers laying outside, piling up around the sidewalk, but that didn't stop anyone else from getting out of their vehicles to scope the place out.

I was quick to follow as I stepped out of the truck, the worst smell hitting my nose instantly the moment my feet hit the ground. There were walking corpses scattered everywhere, a small group of them wandering around not too far off from where we were parked. Yet, none of them had taken notice to us, though it was only a matter of time before they did, knowing we needed to be fast about this.

We all quietly took our weapons and gathered around together in a small circle, watching each others backs as we sprinted up towards the large, fancy structure as fast as we could. My eyes stayed firmly on the walkers just a few feet away, glancing back at them over my shoulder every few seconds to make sure they stayed in place as we figured out how to get inside. I prayed that the doors would open, granting us a little hope that we all desperately needed after coming all this way.

But my hope was instantly squashed the moment we got close enough, seeing shutters over the glass doors that was blocking us from entering completely. Upon realizing that we had hit a dead end with darkness approaching, the group was quick to panic, the kids clinging to their mothers as the rest of us tried to figure out what to do.

"Rick- Rick, this is a dead end." Shane said to his friend, trying to pull him back away from the doors as there was clearly no way of getting inside. But Rick was stubborn, trying to find a way we could break through as he paid Shane no mind from just behind him as if he wasn't even there.

I glanced over my shoulder again as if on instinct, this time seeing the walkers had now moved closer towards us, their eyes locked in our direction as their limbs flailed around wildly. "Walkers!" I yelled to get everyone's attention.

"You led us into a goddamn graveyard!" Daryl yelled to Rick as he quickly began to load his crossbow, firing it towards one of the monsters.

"He made a call-"

"It was the wrong damn call!" I interrupted him. I was angry and very panicked. I didn't want anyone else to die and if we couldn't get in we needed to leave. Right now.

"Godamnit, shut up! Do you hear me? Shut up!" Shane yelled right back at me, turning to Rick to attempt to convince him to leave, wanting to head toward Fort Benning instead like he wished from the beginning.

That alone set everyone into a fit of different arguments as none of them liked either idea, wanting to just leave instead of standing here right out in the open. It made no difference to me where the hell we would go after this, it didn't fucking matter. What was important right now was getting the hell out of here alive before we were too dead to discuss the matter further.

I tuned out their frantic voices as they yelled at each other, stepping up further towards the walkers to stab a few of them in the head before they could get too close to the others. Their blood began to spray in all different directions as I hit them, ripping my knives back out of their heads quickly to move onto the next, seeing bolts fly by my head as Daryl had the same idea. Neither of us couldn't be bothered to listen to their disagreement, not when there was danger heading our way in every direction. 

But right before I could kill the next one in sight, I felt my arm being gently tugged back toward the vehicles, looking up to see Daryl. "Come on, we gotta go." he spoke in frustration.

I didn't need to be told twice, following his lead so we could make an escape. But we both seemed to stop in our tracks when we heard the sounds of the shutters opening, squeaking loudly as they rose. The two of us looked at each other for only a split second before bolting back toward the doors, following along everyone else.

My steps were cautious as I raised one of my knives, unsure if we could completely trust this place, or better yet anyone else who still lingered behind the thick walls. It was then a sudden voice came from the top of the stairs, loud enough to give us a heart attack.

"Anybody infected?" the man asked, a shadow lining over his features.

Rick swallowed before stepping forward, "One in our group was...he didn't make it."

My brows furrowed a bit at why Rick felt the need to bring it up, though I didn't linger on it long as my gaze searched to scan the big, white room we walked into. Everything was clean and neat like it hadn't been touched in years, a futuristic vibe circling through the entire place.

"Who are you?" he then asked, "What do you want?"

"A chance." Rick breathed.

"That's asking an awful lot these days." said the man before pausing to think, to consider. "You'll all submit to a blood test...that's the price to get in here."

Rick nodded assertively, "We can do that."

He remained silent for a few more seconds as he eyed us suspiciously, almost as if he was rethinking his decision, before his eyes looked back to the outside as he saw the amount of walkers now filling the streets. He opened his mouth again only to tell us to grab the rest of our things as he planned to shut the heavy doors, informing us that they would be remained closed as this was our only chance to do so.

None of us hesitated then to take off back outside in a flash, gathering up everything we needed from our vehicles parked along the sidewalk before sprinting right back. We quickly slipped by the few corpses that continued to reach out for us, rushing past their slower steps as we all made it back just in time before the shutters came down once more at the press of a button. The locks then clicked loudly, the sound nearly bouncing off every wall with how much of an echo was present in the room.

The man then nodded for us to follow him as he introduced himself as Edwin Jenner, telling us that he was one of the doctors that used to work here before the outbreak. Though I didn't fail to notice how he didn't linger on the subject for long before he went into talking about the structure of the building, how secure and safe it was as we all stepped inside an elevator. The space alone immediately made me grow uncomfortable, not quite fitting all of us comfortably as I was being squished in between Glenn and Dale in the back. My shoulders were scrunched up uncomfortably by my neck, feeling Glenn trying to step aside the minute he noticed, muttering a small apology.

The ride was finally cut short after we passed a few floors, landing on the fourth as it dinged and came to a stop, the doors opening to freedom. Jenner led us further down a long hallway and towards a room on the right to take us in to get our blood drawn just as we promised in the first place. I tried not to think about it too much as it didn't seem like a big deal before, but now that it was practically staring me in the face, it was all I could think about.

My breathing picked up a little and my hands began to sweat when I knew it was almost my turn to go next. I've always been a bit afraid of needles, but I knew I needed to do this in order to have a safe place to sleep tonight. Imagine that. There were literal monsters outside that were constantly after us the second we let our guard down, but nope. Needles. That was my breaking point.

Daryl noticed from a distance how fidgety I was becoming and caught my eye from a few feet away across the space. He gave me a nod in reassurance as if that would somehow give me the confidence I needed, but I still appreciated it nonetheless as I managed to smile in return. Swallowing thickly, I anxiously inched closer to the table the moment Andrea was finishing up.

A heavy breath passed through my lips as I sat down in the hot seat, briefly closing my eyes as I prepared myself, "Afraid of needles?" Jenner asked.

I just nodded my head silently as my eyes remained closed, trying to think about anything else other than the thing about to pierce through my skin. Though I was surprised to feel someone grasp my right hand gently just before Jenner got a chance to do anything. I opened my eyes again to see Glenn giving me a smile as he squeezed my hand slightly, giving me the comfort that he was right there. I found myself nodding thankfully before closing my eyes again, trying to distract my mind from the slight poke where my vein was.

"Oh son of a bitch" I muttered to myself when I felt the blood rushing out of my body.

Glenn snickered softly, but never let go of my hand as Jenner took as much blood as he damn well pleased, "Take it all why don't you. Bleed me dry." I sarcastically quipped, acting as if I was giving birth.

"I just need a small tube full." he informed.

I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, "Small my ass."

A few people around me let out a light chuckle at my behavior, only opening my eyes again when I felt Jenner placing a band aid over the hole he put in my body. Exhaling through my nose, I felt a little more relieved now that it was over and done with.

"Hey, we think she might've gotten a concussion not too long ago, could you maybe take a look?" Glenn suddenly asked.

Jenner nodded his head and pulled out a small flashlight from his pocket as he shined a light in my eyes to check my pupils. He instructed me to follow his finger as he waved it back and forth over my vision a few times before clicking it back off with a nod. According to him I only was at a stage one, and it looked like the worst had already passed, informing me that I should wait another day before I should be back to normal. Thank God.

Though when I stood up from the chair, I began to feel a little lightheaded and almost stumbled to the ground from sudden dizziness as I got an instant head rush. Glenn thankfully caught my arm the moment he noticed and helped steady me as Jenner glanced down towards me in question.

"None of us have eaten in a while." he informed the man.

Jenner looked at my state for a moment before nodding towards the doorway we once came through, "Follow me."

He then then surprisingly led us to a large cafeteria where he offered us food, water, and anything else we needed that he could provide. We all sat ourselves around a large table, having our first actual meal in months. Everyone was talking loudly, laughing and drinking some wine that Jenner brought out as we enjoyed each other's company.

It nearly felt like some kind of movie as I lived in the moment, actually enjoying myself for the first time in a very long time. These people I now surrounded myself with made me feel happy and just a little less lonely, thinking back to myself that I clearly made the right decision to stay put. That could be the wine mixed with the concussion talking, but my words were far from a lie.

The group then quieted down suddenly as Lori agreed to let Carl try some of the wine that was being passed around, after a little convincing from Dale and Rick. We all watched his face carefully as he raised the glass up to his lips, before slamming it back down on the table with a disgusted look.

"Eww!" he exclaimed, his face scrunched up, "That tastes nasty."

Everyone burst into laughs at his reaction while Lori just nodded in approval, "That's my boy." she praised with a smile as she poured the rest of the wine into her glass.

"Why don't you just stick to soda over there, okay bud?" Shane advised towards the kid as he pushed it closer to his direction.

"Not you, Glenn." Daryl was quick to say.

The man heard the brief mention of his name and looked up from his spot next to me, "What?" he laughed in confusion.

"Keep drinkin little man, I wanna see how red your face can get." Daryl continued with a slightly scrunched nose.

I laughed at his words which quickly caught his attention from where he was placed across from me. He sent a wink over in my direction and continued to eat his food, occasionally taking a swig from the bottle he was drinking straight out of. I liked seeing this side of him, or of anyone actually. It was nice to watch them all just enjoying themselves for one night, not having to worry about a damn thing. But it was especially amusing to see Daryl loosen up a bit, and Dale finding just about anything hilarious with the amount of wine he consumed.

"So where is everybody, Doc?" Shane suddenly asked after a few moments of bliss.

The room went oddly quiet in an instant after that, all of our eyes traveling to the doctor. Jenner looked uncomfortable with the question, but still felt the need to answer it anyway as he couldn't ignore the elephant in the room any longer.

He informed us that he was all that was left here and the others either evacuated with their families or "opted out"; committed suicide. There was no cure, and no hope for the future as far as he knew, leaving us all in an awful silence as the hope we once had, dimmed into absolutely nothing. It remained dead silent in the room as we all tried to process his words, Glenn being the first one to speak out of everyone.

"Dude, you're such a buzzkill man." he directed at Shane with a groan.

It remained incredibly awkward as we continued to eat, still talking somewhat and laughing occasionally but the vibe of the room felt different considering the disappointing news. I really took the time to think about everything he said to us just moments ago, suddenly getting a bad feeling about the missing details he obviously avoided. 

~ Thanks for reading!

[lunatic-pudge]

Postal Doe Headcanons (Cause I Love Her)

-Aight, so, I know Postal Doe is supposed to be the female counterpart Postal Dude, BUT, I think it'd be cooler if she was her own separate entity. She's a bad bitch who deserves to be her own person

-Which leads me to my next headcanon that Dude and Doe are twins. When they were younger, they were very close since they were really all they had due to having a wonderfully shitty childhood. Caring for each other cause their parents couldn't be bothered too. While they did have similar intreats, there are some differing things between them.

-For starters, Doe wasn't a religious nut like Dude was. No matter how much people tried to indoctrinate her, it just didn't work like how they wanted. If the family was going to church, she was doing whatever she could to avoid it. If people tried to corner her and tell her how she's gonna go to Hell if she doesn't repent, she tunes them out and dismisses them. This has put a strain on her and Dude's relationship, especially when they got older and Dude's schizophrenia started to worsen. Now, Dude and Doe know everything about each other (obviously, they're twins and have always been there for each other), she knows about his deteriorating mental health, she knows she could just ignore him and his ramblings about how she's gonna burn in Hell for all eternity and that he doesn't want that for her, but Doe found it easier to just distance herself away from her own brother.

-When they were in their early twenties, the two had a huge falling out which resulted in them not talking for a few years. Doe took this as an opportunity to skip town and have a little reset on her life. Also, before the falling out, she was there for Dude and the Bitch's wedding. She never liked the Bitch, finding her to be stuck up and just not a good person for her brother. The Botch was quick to help drive a wedge between the siblings cause she hated Dude interacting with other women, even including family

-It was a rough start at first. Having to start from the bottom and work her way up. She was able to make a name for herself in the Arizona punk/metal scene. I can see her being a musician, playing the guitar and bass, and even being a bit of a singer as well. Being apart of several bands throughout the years. She would have side jobs on the side to help keep money coming in and was able to get herself in a more comfortable position than what she used to be in.

-Definitely a lesbian, but I can also see her being asexual. An asexual woman enjoyer? I'll let you decide on it. I just know that she likes women and isn't afraid to admit it. She's had her share of lovers in the past and WILL flirt with you if you are a fellow baddie. I need this woman to be with a cottagecore girl ASAP. I really like the opposites attract trop

-No back to the more sad stuff! It took a bit for the news of what happened in Paradise and Dude's hospitalization to get back to Doe. To say she was shocked when finding out would be an understatement. Poor thing felt horrible. She has basically abandoned her brother and had let him get worse. She tries to get in contact with the mental hospital, but they wouldn't let her visit him. She had to go on with her life knowing what her brother did and how she wasn't there for him like she should've been

-Doe tired to get updates on Dude but the hospital was rather unhelpful and uncooperative with her. When Dude got out of the hospital, Doe was able to get back in touch with him. It had taken a while for them to repair their relationship, but they're on way better terms now. Doe does what she can to help Dude. Doe wasn't happy to be dealing with the Bitch again, but she put up with it for the sake of her brother. Homegirl celebrated when Dude and the Bitch finally divorced. It was a dream come true

-Now while Dude and Doe were able to patch things up, they aren't very involved with each other's lives. They do get into some disagreements though, like Dude's health pipes. She gets on him about using them but he argues that he can do whatever he wants. I can see them also just being like typical siblings and picking on each other. But for real, Doe does not like that her brother smokes crack. She'd rather he smoke weed but he really can't cause it makes his schizophrenia worse

-Conclusion: I want Postal Doe just as much as I want Postal Dude❤️

[disventurecamptakes]

yesterday was a very rough day for me. I was very anxious which caused me a lot of stomach pain and headache. Kept walking back and forth hoping and praying that when the episodes drop I won't see what I ended up seeing. I could barely sleep the night before it either. Then I saw the google drive link for the episode on twitter, downloaded it and skipped straight to the end just to see who goes home, hoping that all that constant pain and fighting wasn't for nothing. Turns out they were all for nothing. I made a comment about it on reddit then I just cried my eyes out. All for nothing, yet another lose and proof that I have no luck, that nothing in my life ever wants to work out the way I want. I cried and my chest hurt so much that I passed out and my mom had to take me to the hospital. I am fine and can think and talk properly now, however i have no desire for anything anymore. Absolutely nothing. And whenever I think about what happened I just feel bad. I was able to watch season 3 episode 16 in full a few hours ago and was completely let down by how they wrote him. It was so awful. I was able to stomach how he went home last season but here? This ain't it. I haven't felt this bad watching a disventure camp episode in my life and I have 0 desire to continue watching it, and as someone who constantly defended the show this really hurts more than it should. I feel like I got stabbed. Alec haters won, I lost. Congrats to everyone who wanted him to go early, you won, he's not gonna compete ever again. I bet all of them are celebrating right now, good for them.

So this leads me to my goodbye. Everyone i know told me to leave everything about this show behind for my own well beng. And that's what I'm going to do. Thank you to everyone who liked me, and to those who didn't, I am sorry. I had some fun times here and I'm happy I was able to make some people laugh either with my pants jokes, my fanarts or with my love for Alec, which yes, is genuine, I do genuinely have a crush on him even if he's not real, even if he's a piece of shit, he's my piece of shit. i'm gonna keep this account up for a few more hours then I will delete it for good unless the mods will be faster than me and delete this thread before it for being too off topic. No more coming back unless maybe some miracle happens and I find out that either him or another character I really love will compete in another season. But i'm not gonna be that lucky because this whole thing proved that I never will be, no matter how much I beg for it. Why remain here when I'm not interested in any of the future episodes and the show will likely end for good after it, if not forever then definitely for a couple of years. No point in staying here. Goodbye and as Alec once said, "Connor is my husband, and I love him."

Anon are you okay?

[moondust-imagines]

Princess (2) - MJF x Reader

Part one here

Maxwell Jacob Friedman could (and should) die in a hole for all you care. The last text you had from him was from 3 weeks ago, which was also the only text from him. You should have expected this, he probably just wanted to brag to the entire AEW roster about how easily he got you into bed. You had been silently cursing him for a week now, not that you could share your frustrations with anyone, if your family found out they would be furious.

You hadn't been paying attention as you wandered into the house, suitcase trailing behind you, it served as a reminder of the mountain of laundry you had to do before you left in 48 hours. You left it at the bottom of the stairs as a problem for later you to deal with. You headed to the kitchen as you scrolled quickly through twitter, just to see if anything interesting was happening, you barely noticed your father standing there.

"Who's Max?" He asked gruffly making your head whip up from your phone.

"What?" You replied with an incredulous laugh. He gestured to the bouquet of red roses on the counter.

"They're for you. From Max, he wants to take you to dinner apparently"

What the hell is he sending you flowers for? To make up for ghosting you? A quick look at the card lying on the counter next to them confirmed it was him.

Princess,

Dinner?

Max

That was enough to ignite a new kind of rage in you. 3 whole weeks of nothing then some stupid flowers with 3 words on them?! How dare he? Hunter seemed to notice the change in your mood quickly.

"Do I need to kill someone?" He asked

"Nope, I'll do it myself thank you" You muttered before snatching the flowers and card then storming up to your room.

His number was already dialled by the time you dumped the flowers on your dressing table. With every ring you could feel the rage building up inside you. When he picked up on the fourth ring, you were ready to kill him.

"Hey-" He spoke calmly, as if he had done nothing wrong.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" You interrupted

"Woah woah, I just sent you flowers and that's the thanks I get?"

"Yeah, flowers my dad just gave to me. With a note that barely has a sentence on it. Are they supposed to make up for three weeks of radio silence?" You ranted, desperately trying to keep your voice down so no one in the house would overhear.

"So that's a 'no' to dinner then?"

"Fuck you Friedman"

-

Max pulled the phone away from his ear as he heard the line disconnect. A slight frown settled on his features, maybe it wasn't his brightest idea to send those flowers. He could feel someone looking at him from the other couch in the dressing room.

"What?" He asked abruptly

"Did she like the flowers?" Dax asked

"Her Dad found them" Max muttered

"So it completely backfired like we said it would?" Cash said

"Shut up"

Max stormed out of the locker room. The last thing he needed was another lecture about what a bad idea it was to keep in contact with you. Between his friends telling him that you would only cause trouble and the glares he got from people backstage that had known you for years, he knew this was different. What he felt for you had to be different. You wouldn't get out of his head, no matter how much he ignored you.

But now you were doing the ignoring and he had no idea how to apologise to you.

2 more weeks past and he still couldn’t get through to you. Every call went to voicemail, every text was left on read and it was driving him crazy. FTR had started just walking away the second he said your name. He had an idea, probably not a good idea but who would stop him?

-

You hated being at an arena this early, you couldn’t even do some bumps because the ring wasn’t set up yet. Your father had insisted you had came with him, he had barely let you out of his sight since those damn flowers showed up. So you found a quiet spot to go over your promo for tonight.

Barely even 15 minutes later a security guard came up to you looking mightly pissed off, with a very sheepish man following him.

“You know this guy?” The guard asked gruffly. Max was giving you his best puppy dog eyes, you glared at him for a second before answering the guard.

“Yeah I know him, thanks for not kicking his ass” You replied. He gave you a curt nod before walking off, glaring at Max as he passed.

“Are you fucking insane?” You hissed, grabbing his arm and dragging him away.

“You weren’t taking my calls, what was I supposed to do?” He answered. That made you stop in your tracks.

“I don’t know, not show up here? Do you understand what my grandpa will do if he finds out your here? Or, god forbid, my dad and uncle Shawn?” You ranted

“Princess-“

“Don’t call me that! You don’t get to call me that after you ghosted me!”

“Look, I’m not really one for apologies but give me one more chance. I’ll be different this time”

You couldn’t figure out why you were still standing there, your brain was screaming at you to slap him and walk away. When you hadn’t moved away, he took your hand in his to pull you closer. Your lips were inches away when you finally, his hand slipped around your back holding you to him as he finally kissed you.

“Alright, one chance Friedman” You whispered as you parted. A grin spread across his lips before he pulled you in again. You were too wrapped up in him to notice anything around you.

Hunter was marching through the halls of the arena, his PA was struggling to find you to pass on the message that your promo for tonight had changed. He knew you like to hide yourself away in dark corners so as he turned another corner he wasn’t surprised to see you, until he realised what you were doing. Was that that little shit Friedman??

“What the hell is this?!”

[idkwhatimdoinghere1655]

Austrian GP 2024!

Mads' Race Recap!

I don't even know where to start I can't lie. That was an absolute shit show I swear to God. It was big action in the beginning, then a mid 40 or so laps, then a mental finish. We shall be doing this in constructor standings order, as per usual.

Red Bull - I'll start off with Maxie, then we'll move onto my favourite driver ever. Pulled away, beautiful, as per usual. Even if he doesn't have the fastest car, he is still putting it up there, getting really big gaps from the McLarens, Mercs and single (we'll get onto that) Ferrari. The fights with Lando definitely prove Max's ability, he did a lovely job to keep it in front. Now. Checo. The fuck is this man doing? The minute he signs an extension, the minute he turns astronomically shit! Matt from FP1 said a very good point. Even when Max had 3 TYRES FOR A WHOLE LAP, he still beat Checo. Like... What? In FP3, Charles had a quicker single lap than every single one of his laps apart from the last one. What is he doing? I don't understand. It's just baffling. Also, Max's bad pit definitely hindered it, and if that hadn't have happened, maybe him and Lando wouldn't have started fighting so early.

Ferrari - Carlos had a good drive, nice little old P3 for us which is always nice. I do like seeing a Ferrari on the podium, always. But you know me, I always do. Unproblematic drive, I was shitting it when him and Oscar were fighting since we all know how that always ends, but the McLaren was faster, it wasn't worth fighting him too hard, in my opinion. But the P2 would've been a lot better, but beggars can't be choosers, I am simply glad we got a podium in the first place and better points too. And Charles. My sweet darling Charles. This weekend has been nothing short of COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY SHIT FOR THE MAN AND I AM NOT HERE FOR IT IN THE SLIGHTEST!! Sprint Qualis were a nightmare, the sprint was good, that triple overtake at the start was fucking lovely. Qualis were awful. The race was awful. It was fine, and then he dropped and then he was in the pits and I was waiting for another DNF like Canada, but they just had to put me through seeing him in p20 through the whole pissing race it felt like. The frustration was real. He did insanely well to get to P11, and he deserved DOTD more than Lando. So did Oscar. And Max. It was just bad. A lovely 1.9 pit stop, but I do not want to hear what he has to say after the race. Not at all.

McLaren - Right can Lando just stop whining? Is anyone else getting annoyed with him? That's what happens when you fight Max Verstappen, that's just how it is. Since Miami, he has gotten very cocky and I am not here for it. I'm glad he didn't get points, since he can't get further away from Charles so everything is all good. Racing is racing, that's just how it is. Oscar did lovely, if he hadn't had the lap deleted in qualis, he could've won it. Really nice drive from him overall, wasn't happy with the Charles contact of course, but from what I saw, neither of them really had much fault, and Charles got the brunt of it worse unfortunately.

Mercedes - Can I just say I loved how Lewis took accountability for his actions (someone should make notes of that). He said he was sorry, the pen was the pen, he messed up and he took it in his stride instead of whining like- OK I'll stop. I didn't see much from Lewis this weekend overall, he's performing better than at the start of the season. He didn't cause any trouble, he got on with it. GEORGIEEEEEE BOYYYYYYYY! YOU LATTE DRINKING KATE MIDDLETON LOVING YABADABADOODAH LOOKING BEUATIFUL BASTARD! I will not complain at all for this one, not at all. He was waiting for it all to fall apart, as it did, and he didn't pull a classic George Russell and fuck it up when he's ahead. Loved it, loved hearing the British anthem. I'm not very patriotic, but it was bloody lovely. Thank you George, you're a legend.

Aston Martin - What on Earth is going on? Double Q1 exit, Fernando finished pretty much last, Lance finished BEHIND the man who was nearly 2 laps down after contact (Charles) and their driving was fine. Lance had some decent overtakes, Fernando did get a penalty which was deserved to some degree I suppose. But even the commentators said that Fernando doesn't have the fight anymore. I love Nando, and I want to keep him around. Mercedes, get on it. They were the 8th fastest car on track after qualis, which is ridiculous. As well as the fact that the wheelie bins, the French tractors and the Haasterclasses finished above them. They're supposed to be top 10 runners, but they can barely get in the top 15. Obviously, Lance and Fernando make mistakes like everyone does, but this is clearly something a lot more than Lance and Fernando messing up.

VCARB/RB/REDBULLSHITTYEDITION - I didn't really see either of them that much, to be honest. Q2 exits I'm pretty sure, I don't remember much of them from the- Oh shit I've literally remembered as I was typing. Yuki used some... choice word to describe the way people were queuing in the pits. You can read more on that here. He has been fined, and he apologized profusely, I do believe he wouldn't have said it if he knew what it meant, but it doesn't excuse it. Not happy with it, but he did seem remorseful. Anyway, Daniel had some good overtakes, some good points as well after is little P9 finish.

Haas - It's official, I am a Haas fan. I fucking love these two. 'Save the tyres, Kevin' 'Fuck that'. I LOVE KEVIN MAGNUSSEN WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. And he didn't get any penalties this weekend so that's always nice. Nico literally beat Checo, so that's brilliant. They both did a fantastic job, I thoroughly enjoyed watching these two this week. I love these two together. They went from 'suck my balls' to 'my favourite Dane'. Not crying, you are.

Alpine - It's getting better, I suppose? The car is less tractor like, I guess. I do love a good Alpine battle, but I will always be on the side of Estie. I don't know why. Not a bad performance, glad Charles caught them or else that would have been embarrassing. I don't have much to say, to be honest.

Williams - Williams was doing Williams things, I guess. Yeah I don't know what to say. Sorry.

Kick Sauber - Poor Guanyu Zhou can this man ever catch a break? Only one with no Q2 appearance. Again, I didn't see much from them, to be honest.

[real-total-drama-takes]

yesterday was a very rough day for me. I was very anxious which caused me a lot of stomach pain and headache. Kept walking back and forth hoping and praying that when the episodes drop I won't see what I ended up seeing. I could barely sleep the night before it either. Then I saw the google drive link for the episode on twitter, downloaded it and skipped straight to the end just to see who goes home, hoping that all that constant pain and fighting wasn't for nothing. Turns out they were all for nothing. I made a comment about it on reddit then I just cried my eyes out. All for nothing, yet another lose and proof that I have no luck, that nothing in my life ever wants to work out the way I want. I cried, then my chest hurt so much that my mom had to take me to the hospital. I am fine and can think and talk properly now, however i have no desire for anything anymore. Absolutely nothing. And whenever I think about what happened I just feel bad. I was able to watch episode 2 in full a few hours ago and was completely let down by how they wrote him. It was so awful. I was able to stomach how he went home last season but here? This ain't it. I haven't felt this bad watching a total drama episode in my life and I have 0 desire to continue watching it, and as someone who constantly defended the show this really hurts more than it should. I feel like I got stabbed. Chase haters won, I lost. Congrats to everyone who wanted him to go early, you won, he's not gonna compete ever again. I bet all of them are celebrating right now, good for them.

So this leads me to my goodbye. Everyone i know told me to leave everything about this show behind for my own well beng. And that's what I'm going to do. Thank you to everyone who liked me, and to those who didn't, I am sorry. I had some fun times here and I'm happy I was able to make some people laugh either with my pants jokes, my fanarts or with my love for Chase, which yes, is genuine, I do genuinely have a crush on him even if he's not real, even if he's a piece of shit, he's my piece of shit. i'm gonna keep this account up for a few more hours then I will delete it for good unless the mods will be faster than me and delete this thread before it for being too off topic. No more coming back unless maybe some miracle happens and I find out that either him or another character I really love will compete in another season. But i'm not gonna be that lucky because this whole thing proved that I never will be, no matter how much I beg for it. Why remain here when I'm not interested in any of the future episodes and the show will likely end for good after it, if not forever then definitely for a couple of years. No point in staying here. Goodbye and as Chase once said, have a good life./c

[disventure-rewrite-takes]

yesterday was a very rough day for me. I was very anxious which caused me a lot of stomach pain and headache. Kept walking back and forth hoping and praying that when the episodes drop I won't see what I ended up seeing. I could barely sleep the night before it either. Then I saw the google drive link for the episode on twitter, downloaded it and skipped straight to the end just to see who goes home, hoping that all that constant pain and fighting wasn't for nothing. Turns out they were all for nothing. I made a comment about it on reddit then I just cried my eyes out. All for nothing, yet another lose and proof that I have no luck, that nothing in my life ever wants to work out the way I want. I cried and my chest hurt so much that I passed out and my mom had to take me to the hospital. I am fine and can think and talk properly now, however i have no desire for anything anymore. Absolutely nothing. And whenever I think about what happened I just feel bad. I was able to watch season 3 episode 21 in full a few hours ago and was completely let down by how they wrote him. It was so awful. I was able to stomach how he went home last season but here? This ain't it. I haven't felt this bad watching a disventure camp episode in my life and I have 0 desire to continue watching it, and as someone who constantly defended the show this really hurts more than it should. I feel like I got stabbed. Jake haters won, I lost. Congrats to everyone who wanted him to go early, you won, he's not gonna compete ever again. I bet all of them are celebrating right now, good for them.

So this leads me to my goodbye. Everyone i know told me to leave everything about this show behind for my own well beng. And that's what I'm going to do. Thank you to everyone who liked me, and to those who didn't, I am sorry. I had some fun times here and I'm happy I was able to make some people laugh either with my pants jokes, my fanarts or with my love for Jake, which yes, is genuine, I do genuinely have a crush on him even if he's not real, even if he's a piece of shit, he's my piece of shit. i'm gonna keep this account up for a few more hours then I will delete it for good unless the mods will be faster than me and delete this thread before it for being too off topic. No more coming back unless maybe some miracle happens and I find out that either him or another character I really love will compete in another season. But i'm not gonna be that lucky because this whole thing proved that I never will be, no matter how much I beg for it. Why remain here when I'm not interested in any of the future episodes and the show will likely end for good after it, if not forever then definitely for a couple of years. No point in staying here. Goodbye and as Jake once said, It's giving./c

its giving 😞✊🏼

[aurorafables]

From the Grey, Chapter 3.

Here we go again :)

Pairing: Noah Sebastian X Nicholas Ruffilo

Warnings: 18+, Explicit, Angst, Past character death, Suicidal thoughts

Tags: M/M, F/M, Slow burn, Childhood friends, Friends to lovers, Family drama, Band fic

Word Count: 4.3k

Cross-posted: AO3

3.

It was barely past five in the morning, but I felt like I couldn't wait any longer. As quietly as possible, I sat up in bed, got out from under the covers, and headed towards my bag to put on the clothes I had prepared the night before. When I successfully completed this task without waking Maya, I snuck off to the bathroom to freshen up a bit before heading out. I was waiting to finally step out the door of their house, because for the last two days I felt like I was locked up.

The whole madness started when Maya couldn't even bear the thought that I didn't want to spend all my two free weeks with her. Therefore, from the moment I arrived, she tried to persuade me to stay with her with nice words, and when that didn't work, she tried to convince me that it was my duty to spend all my free time with her. It all got so bad that the day before I was already counting down the minutes until the plane took off, and I couldn't even sleep properly. When we got into bed at night, Maya blinked at me from under her long eyelashes, then her hand slipped under my boxers, and… I felt that if I gave her what she wanted, maybe she would leave it alone until morning. We had sex so that I would silence her guilt-inducing monologues. To pass the time. And these thoughts did not let me sleep.

I placed a quick kiss on Maya's bare shoulder and then I was gone. While I was waiting for the taxi in the morning orange sunlight, I lit a cigarette. My hands were shaking, even though it wasn't cold at all. I wanted to blame it on tiredness, but I know it was caused by the turmoil of repressed emotions. I rarely felt like yelling, but then I really wanted to. I texted Noah from the airport about my approximate arrival time. I didn't want to call him because he must have been asleep. It was only five in the morning in California when I got on the morning flight. I managed to take an hour's nap before we landed, and after a bit of rest, the past few days with Maya felt less desperate. I headed to the rental car, and after I picked up the car, I still had two hours of driving ahead of me, so I got a big cup of coffee beforehand.

It was ten o'clock when I decided on the way to call Noah because he didn't answer my message. “Good morning,” I greeted enthusiastically, to which a small grunt was the answer. It's like waking a bear from its winter sleep. I laughed at myself. “It would be time to get up to start my breakfast.” “Where are you?” Noah asked sleepily. "Less than an hour and I'll be there," I told him. “Scrambled eggs, please.” “Pff… and what makes you think there are eggs in the fridge anyway?” “Have you ever seen yourself when hungry? There must be something in the fridge that you can throw together for me.” Noah was silent for a moment, then sighed dramatically. "Maybe you’re right, but I'm not sure I can follow that logic this early," he admitted. “Okay. I want scrambled eggs, that's the point,” I said unflinchingly, with a laugh in my voice. “And a coffee will come in handy, too. For both of us.” Noah made a noise that sounded like agreement.

As I drove between tall rocks and evergreens, I listened to his breathing. It's been eight days and I'm already missing him. We didn't part as best friends, and it all seemed to take a heavy toll on my past week. I wanted to sit down and talk. Somewhere along the line I lost track of Karin and couldn't wait to catch up. Maybe she wasn't the best person, but if Noah needs her, I'm definitely not going to stand in their way. We'll be fine - I'll even be nice to her - as long as she doesn't hurt my best friend. I wanted to make sure that I would support him in anything, and if I had to, I would stand up to anyone for Karin. “Noah,” I sighed, which was answered by a small whimper. I smiled. I think he's half asleep already. “I'll see you soon,”I told him quietly, because I didn't want to wake him up. I could almost see his sleepy eyes, his messy hair, the pillow mark on his face. With such an intense tour, we all needed a few long naps. I ended the call and tried to keep myself awake for the rest of the time admiring the nature. The sun was shining, I could feel myself sweating even under my sunglasses.

It was almost noon when I arrived at the lakeside cottage. I parked next to Noah's SUV and took out my package from the back seat. The first thing that always stood out when I got there was the peace and quiet, and the crystal clear air. Birds chirped, ducks quacked in the distance, but no human noise penetrated the shelter. It's been a while since I've seen another car coming up the little road, and I think that's what Noah loved so much about this place. Sometimes it meant more than anything to be able to shut ourselves away from the world, especially to him. He needed silence and solitude as much as he needed thousands of fans to sing with him. That's how it worked, that's how he was able to recharge.

I went up the small stairs to the terrace and took out the spare key from under the flower pot, which I then used to open the front door. The floor creaked under my feet as I entered the living room. I tried to sneak upstairs quietly, but the wooden stairs wouldn't cooperate with me. It's okay, it was time to wake up Noah anyway. First I dropped my bag into the empty room, then carefully opened into Noah's room.

The blinds were still drawn, but the sun still flooded the small room with orange light. There wasn't much inside, just a bed, a wardrobe, a floor lamp, and a comfortable, ancient armchair next to it. Noah was lying on his back, one long, tattooed arm bent over his head and the other resting on his bare stomach. He slowly opened one eye, and when he was sure it was really me, he smiled lazily. He looked exactly as I imagined on the road: like a sleepy kitten just waking up. I completely banished the thought of how rough we were with each other last time, my legs started on their own towards the bed. I knelt on the mattress and kissed his cheek, then after a little hesitation I hugged him. I was afraid that he would push me away or just would have remained motionless like a piece of stone, but my worries were unfounded. He wrapped his arms around me, and I fell headfirst onto his pillow between his shoulders and neck. His skin was still warm from sleep, his shower gel mixed with his own scent and a little sweat. Everything I know, everything I love… he smelled like home. “I missed you.” “I missed you too.” “I'll make you breakfast.” “I'm not against it,” I muttered to him, but he still didn't let me pull away.

I turned a little to the side to catch my breath, and then I saw the oppressed cigarette stubs in the ashes. “Did you smoke?” I asked him, but I tried not to be judgmental. Noah has had issues with weed before and I preferred to have someone with him when he lit up to remind him to be moderate. Of course, I would never admit that to him. "In the evening… maybe… a little," he said contritely. “I was bored. Then I called Jesse and we talked for about three hours.” “You can also call me if you are bored.” “I didn't want to spoil your evening with Maya.” I was glad he couldn't see my face. I'm sure he would have been able to tell by the flutter of my eyelashes that something was wrong. Would it have bothered me if he would have called me to prevent something that, unfortunately, for my taste, was closer to fucking than to making love? No, I don't think so…and maybe that call would have saved me the guilt. “You can call me at any time,” I assured him and slowly unwrapped myself from the hug. “I know,” he answered, scanning my face. “You look tired” “Uhm, yeah. The trip, and things like that,… “ I said half-heartedly and started towards the door, then looked back at him. He was already sitting up in bed, hair was a mess and his face was a little grumpy. Neither of us really liked mornings. “I'll take a quick shower, then we'll eat something together. After that, I might sleep a little, if that's okay.” “Of course, whatever you want.”

I went back to my room, looked for clean underwear, a pair of comfortable shorts and a t-shirt, then locked myself in the bathroom. I was already undressing when I remembered I left my toiletry bag outside, but I was sure Noah wouldn't mind if I used his shower gel. I put my hair in a bun on top of my head, then stepped into the small shower and turned the water to lukewarm to freshen up a bit… and wake up. According to my sense of time, it should have been well into the afternoon, but here it wasn't even noon. I'm still having a hard time getting used to the time difference, but since we've been touring all over the world, I've been able to practice a bit. I quickly toweled off and put on my clothes. I felt much better. When I walked down the stairs to the kitchen and smelled the coffee and fried bacon, I smiled straight away. "Sit down, I'll bring the breakfast," Noah said as he pointed to the table with the wooden spoon. My scrambled eggs soon arrived, medium done, just the way I liked them accompanied with a cup of coffee. Noah sat across, waiting for me to taste it. I knew he wasn't going to start his own portion until he saw my reaction. I dipped one corner of the toast into the egg, then bit into it. I may have played a bit when I let out a contented moan with my eyes closed.

"This is divine," I said happily as I continued to eat. Noah smiled back, then joined me. We cleared everything off our plates in ten minutes, and I offered to wash up, but he shook his head firmly. “Get some more sleep.” I didn't object, I really needed some rest. I stretched out, drank the last sip of coffee, then got up from the table. I stepped behind him as he sat hunched over by the small table, resting my forearms on his shoulders and snuggling up to his face. He took a deep breath, then he returned the gesture. I think we spent too much time with my cats. “Thank you for the breakfast, it was delicious.” "I'm good at scrambled eggs," Noah chuckled. “Not just in scrambled eggs. Or are you modest because you want to hide from cooking?” I teased him. “Calm down. If you want some cereal, I'll mix it perfectly with the milk.” I laughed tiredly. "Tomorrow," I answered with a yawn. ”But I'll take care of the dinner. Talk to you later,” I said, straightening up and walking towards the stairs. "I'm glad you're here," Noah said after me, and when I turned around, I returned his grateful smile.

I allowed myself two hours of sleep, which is why I set the alarm, but when I turned off, I fell back asleep almost immediately, only to have stupid dreams. I was finally woken up by a call on my phone. Suddenly I didn't even know where I was, I was just blindly trying to fumble for my mobile on the bedside table. With half-opened eyes, I looked at the too-bright display on which Maya's name was flashing. I sighed, bit my lip and waited. I should have picked it up, but I didn't want to, and the feeling was terrible. I texted her when I got off the plane, another when I arrived at the lake, she knew I was fine, at least that's how I reassured myself when the ringing stopped. However, I opened our messages again and quickly texted her that the signal is not the best, and I will call her tomorrow. It was past four-thirty, which meant I'd slept more than two and a half hours, but I still didn't feel completely fresh, in fact. My eyes wanted to close, it was hard for me to get out of bed, but I didn't want to stay, because I should rather sleep at night. It's enough if my biorhythm gets completely confused during a tour. I pulled out the shades, squinted for a while, found my glasses in my backpack, then headed off to find Noah.

I walked around the house, then following the sounds and I found him on the terrace. They video chatted with Matt. Noah put his feet up on a chair, stretched out comfortably on the other, and if I had to guess, he had gin and tonic in his glass. "Hello, Nick," Matt greeted me as I walked into the video with messy hair. “Good morning,” I told him in a hoarse voice, then I sat down in the bean bag armchair. “This is too comfortable. I could go back to sleep,” I complained under my nose as Noah turned to me and smiled at my problem. “There's beer in the fridge. And a lot of other alcohol.” “And I will stay with the boring coffee again,” I yawned, making myself comfortable.

Matt and Noah planned for at least another hour, sometimes asking for my opinion on how to continue the tour. There were other times when we had to work during such a short break, but it was a great luck that we were like a big family or like a group of friends, and so it was much more relaxed. We joked with each other, we could pour our hearts out, we could honestly share our opinions with each other. So when Matt said goodbye to us, I didn't feel tired, as if I had sat through a long meeting with the publisher, but rather I was in a good mood because of the many laughs. We went into the cottage later and since I promised to take care of dinner, I threw together some grilled chicken with salad. Noah has been really committed to a healthy lifestyle these past few months and I've been supporting him where I can. Of course, that didn't mean we didn't drink alcohol sometimes or eat things full of sugar, but I've always believed that the key is not to completely avoid certain foods, but moderation. That's why I was surprised that he smoked weed the night before.

After a delicious dinner, we sat out on the terrace with a beer in hand. It was already dusk outside, the crickets started chirping, and the sweaty heat was replaced by a pleasant, summer evening with a slightly chilling wind. Noah settled into the other bean bag chair, his head tilted back, the muscles on his neck tensed under his tattoos. There was no sign of Karin on her skin now, at least not in a visible place, and that reminded me that there were some topics we should talk about. “So… Keaton's song…,” I started with a topic deemed safer. I heard that Noah was talking about Matt wanting to sing Sympathy by Too Close To Touch on the fall tour. Noah opened his eyes, looked at me and nodded. “If only a few people love him and discover what a great artist he was, then I've already reached my goal. He deserved more.” Noah's voice was hushed with emotion, and I reached for his free hand without thinking. We intertwined our fingers like we used to when one of us needed support. "And it will help you, too," I remarked, then took a sip of my beer. Noah has always had a very peculiar way of dealing with losses.

We already made it through our umpteenth summer festival, and it was only the end of June. It was hellishly hot on stage in our black clothes, the setting sun shone into our eyes the whole time, but the show went incredibly well, the audience was cooperative despite the heat, and it filled all four of us with energy. After we got off stage and I put my guitar down, the first thing I did was pour the remaining bottled water over my head. I tied my wet hair and couldn't wait to get back to the hotel so I could take a shower. I was about to go into the tent next to the stage when I noticed Bryan, Jolly, and Folio standing around Noah, who was leaning on the edge of a dumpster. “What happened?” I asked them. Jolly handed his water to Noah, who rinsed his mouth and gasped. “It got bad as soon as we got down,” Folio answered me. “Must be the fucking heat.” In the meantime, Matt also arrived nervously, trying to assess the situation. “I'm fine now,” Noah growled at us. He poured the water around his neck and then took off his tank-top. His face was still very pale, but he wasn't panting so fast anymore. “What? Do you want to see me throw out again? The show is over today.” Matt asked him if he was sure he didn't need medical help, and when Noah shook his head firmly, Jolly looked at me meaningfully and began ushering the others into the tent.

"Everything's okay. Really." Noah turned to me, and his voice was much softer than before. “I've seen you a couple of times when you were sick,” I folded my arms in front of my chest. ”After nights of partying or lonely drinking sessions. Also in the hospital when you had tubes hanging out of you, so you can't scare me. Not even if you're a jerk.” Noah's lips curled into a tired smile, then he slid down next to the thick trunk of a tree. I sat down in front of him on the grass. “I didn't even want you to go in with the others,” he confessed. I smiled too and started fiddling with a blade of grass. The heat was really terrible, but I think I figured out what else could be the problem.

“It happened on this day, didn't it?” I asked him quietly. Noah raised his dark eyes at me, and he didn't need to say anything else, he was a completely open book in front of me. "I'm fine," he confirmed again. "There was just a moment when images flashed…" he buried his head in his hands, then smoothed his hair back before continuing. “Like in my nightmares, except now I was awake. It happened when we were on stage and I wasn't expecting it. That's it.” “Don't you think it's too much? I mean.. to perform Dethrone every single time?” I asked him, something that had been in my head for a long time, but now was the perfect time to bring it up. A song in which Noah relives his worst childhood memory of the day of the car accident and blames God for the fact that no one but him got out alive. The lyrics from a few minutes before were still echoing in my head… full of exact details.

"Let me take you back to when I was killed and born again Woke up in the light convinced my life had made it to its end Burning up beneath the sun while my father drained of blood If he's there, I've got a message for the man that's up above, fuck you If he's home, I've got a message from below Getting out is not enough if nobody else can come"*

It was the day he lost his father, he got to his religious grandparents, and to the claws of his mother. He was eleven years old at the time, and from one moment to the next, the ground completely slipped from under his feet. I was never into religion as a kid, but Noah talked a lot about what it was like to belong to a community - which sounded more like a cult - when they were forced to. My family did not go to a community or church, but I also understood those who found it comforting to believe in a higher power. I didn't mind if someone was an atheist either, I didn't choose friends based on that. However, when thirteen-year-old Noah told his story shortly after we met, that the only person who really loved and understood him died next to him while on vacation, I had to realize that when someone is angry with God, it doesn't just happen. If someone feels this way, there must be a very good reason. “The fans love it,” he shrugged his shoulders with a small proud smile, then the features on his face solidified. “And I.. I die a little every time so that I can rise like a phoenix and be stronger than before.”

I got goosebumps again as I thought about this conversation from a few weeks ago. We just sat on the terrace, we were silent, holding each other's hands and listening to the little noises that were part of the summer evening. Noah asked for my lighter and lit the candles on the table, because in the meantime it was getting dark. The candlelight danced on his face as he looked ahead and slowly drank his beer.

“I would like to know what did I hurt you with the last time,” I broke the silence. “I felt bad afterwards and I don't even know what was wrong. I don't want it to happen again.” Noah looked at me over his beer bottle. I pulled my hand away to light a cigarette and waited patiently. I didn't want to hurry, I knew that if I gave him time, he would tell. “I don't see Karin anymore. And I overreacted things last time.” I was filled with both relief and worry at his words. “Oh. Does this mean you two broke up?” Noah snorted and pulled one of its long legs under him so he could face me better. “We've never been together. We were just… trying to get what we needed from the other. And by that I don't necessarily mean sex. Not only that,” he explained with a pained smile. “Obviously, it didn't work.” "I'm sorry," I said with a lump in my throat. I was too sensitive when it came to Noah. I always soaked up all his pain like a sponge, as if I could ease it, even though I couldn't and could have learned that in these situations he needed a strong Nick. Noah chuckled softly beside me, shaking his head as he did so. I looked at him with a confused face. “I don't think you're sorry,” he answered my silent question. “You tried to talk me out of it for months. You were right.” “I'm not sorry that you and she don't meet anymore. But I’m sorry, because you didn't get what you wanted.” Noah looked up from under his eyelashes for a long time, then took the last sip of beer and set the bottle down on the wooden floor next to him.

“Not everyone can be as lucky with their relationship as some people,” he pushed my leg with his own. I turned away from him and started staring at the darkness, somewhere above the lake. “You and Maya are getting along, right?” He could have asked that question at any other time and I would have smiled and nodded at him without thinking. “Yes, everything is fine with us,” I finally said, but the words came very hard. With more guilt and anxiety immediately. Noah leaned forward, elbows on knees, and waited. I was wondering which of us would give up sooner this time. The wind picked up even more and thunder could be heard in the distance. “Nick?” he asked urgently. It didn't last long. I sighed, smoked the last of my cigarette, then extinguished it in the ashes. “The past week has been a bit messy. I got home tired and was impatient with her.” "Nick, you are the most patient, devoted, empathetic person I know," Noah said with confusion in his voice. "You don't know this side of me," I told him, hiding my hands in the sleeves of my hooded sweatshirt. Noah followed my every move with his eyes. “Don't hide from me, please,” he whispered pleadingly. I sighed again, this time I couldn't even deny the frustration. “Maybe there are problems, but I will fix it.” That was the end of the conversation, and luckily Noah understood. He nodded, then stood up and bent over the table to blow out the candles one by one. We sat in the dark for at least another hour, listening to the approaching storm and each other's breathing.

*Bad Omens - Dethrone

[foreignobjecticus]

Went to the gallery, went to the nursery, went to the deli. Getting a feyspeaker print framed, bought SO MANY plants, and got some of that nice cake I haven't had in five months. My nails have all grown so long from not being outside doing things, so one snapped unexpectedly deep into the pink and now I'm living with that taped up until it grows out. Bah.

It was sunny today. I've got so many trays lined up with seeds planted (late) for seedlings. The garden hasn't been ploughed yet but it's got some celery? growing. I bought giant pumpkin seeds. >:)

i haven't been in a picture framing gallery since I was a kid. I remember it vividly, set up in an old church down the road from us. Prints, photographs and paintings lining the walls way up into the rafters. Frame samples on the walls. Felt a little bit like home given dad visited to get his photographs framed so often.

I've listened to half of my friend's new album. Honoured to hear I'm the first to listen to it besides his wife. I've only got half way because I got so tired, but it is pretty good and he's written new stuff he hadn't played me before too.

Lovely sunny days now. I might have to go up on Thursday just to get into practise, do a loop over the house. Friend is getting back into gliding and I'd like to go for a fly with them at long last.

I'll probably cut back on the journalling here now I'm feeling good again lol. I stayed up late to do some work last night so I should sleep early. Want to do some modding etc. but that will be a weekend thing I think.

My hair's getting way too long but I haven't got another cut booked until after the show. This will force me to try the longer Aylin-imprisoned style I was considering. But tbh I think after the show, I'm going to go full bald. >:) I am ready.

TMI paragraph

Irritated with my hormone pills. Way too much acne makes my back look horrendous. Face is bad too but not as bad as it was on the other pill. I want to stop them all together tbh but I detest periods above all other symptoms. A little curious to see if it's causing my general digestive issues too (which have been much less noticeable as I get through the digestive infection. Less noticeable? Masked? We'll see)

Life is goooooooood. It was so nice to get out of the house and go driving. I might go to the bookshop town on Thursday for the market too. Saw a mutual rec that Ace book by um Angela Chen? Iirc. Might try to find it there. Could get lucky. Maybe I'll take the motorbike.

Eeeeeeeeeeeee can't wait to repot my plants. Ahhhhhhh I'm so happy, I'm alive and freeeeee of sickness nearly lol

[pbandjesse]

Today was a really busy day! Which felt really good. I am very tired but it was a good day and I feel accomplished.

I didnt sleep amazing. I would wake up a lot. James told me they woke up and were like, wow that was a terrible sleep, and then looked at the clock and it was 1230. So that sums up how not good it was.

It didnt help that it was grey outside. It would storm later on, but would actually be beautiful for most of the day. I had a pretty easy ride into camp. And I arrived around 8.

I struggled this morning though. When I got to camp the plan was to go and spray paint the tables. I got them all dry and clean and started. I got through the first table and started the second when my paint stopped working. That's okay I have a second one. This one worked beautifully for about 30 seconds and then just. Nothing. It was absolutely full but nothing would come out. I was so upset. I didn't know what to do and was having a terrible time.

I decided I would drive up to arts and see if I had another primer and I did! But this one also didn't work despite being full and I was so upset. I texted Heather and she said it was okay and we would come up with a solution later (turns out her husband sells paint and he will bring me primer next week). But I needed a moment to calm down I was so upset and frustrated.

While I was driving around camp trying to sort this out I ran into one of the leaders of the group coming at 10. He was there at 830 because he had something to do in the area so I told him he could hang out in the lodge. But then once I got to the office I realized that his group would actually be in the dodge house. Oops. So after stopping to take 45 pictures of a wooly caterpillar I went to tell him where he could go.

The walk there helped. I felt a little calmer. And would take a different walk back and just enjoyed being in nature and how beautiful it was today. My mood improved greatly.

I had to answer some emails. I accidently replied to the office and not the teacher for my feildtrips on Tuesday so I had to send an apology and get all her questions answered and I felt very stupid for messing that up again. I am just so bad at replying all!! Like I was told not to do it my entire 20s and now I'm supposed to do it all the time. Ugh. Thankfully the teacher got back to me quickly and it was all fine.

Me and Sarah would go to the dodge house and waited for the group. This was funny though because we were expecting 20 middle schoolers but they were actually 8 highschoolers. And honestly that was better.

So instead of breaking into two groups we stayed together. I would have them for team building, then Sarah taught them archy and bbs, and Sarah and Nick would do Zipline. And finally, before lunch, we would go see the horses.

And they were such a great group of boys. First we did team wall and they got everyone up and over in 1 minute and 10 seconds, which is the fastest time I have ever seen a group do that. Very impressed. I kept laughing cause it was hilarious to me that they just basically bounced everyone up.

Next we did A frames. Sarah had gone and set up bbs and archery but once she came back we were able to run both frames with the chaperones. The kids were better at it go early. The adults over thought it, and I like to let people try their ideas without me telling them the solution but the adults were actively not doing what I told them would work so I was like alright, you fail then. Which did end up just hurting me because I was on a rope but it's all good.

We finished up there with whale watcher which they liked. Took them a bit but they had good techniques and it was fun. 2 minutes and 6 seconds was their best time. Which is pretty good! Most groups don't get past a minute.

I passed the lead to Sarah and we walked to archery. I enjoyed talking to everyone. And it was fun watching Sarah explain things. I might get archery certified. Might be fun.

I would leave them to keep working in the office. I wanted to start thinking about the free choice program for next summer. I would tosk to Heather and Alexi about it and made lists and started mapping out those ideas. Which I think will be really fun. I think it will help with the apathy that seems to have settled over camp that makes me a little crazy. I want people to be all in and whatever I can do to help that is important to me.

I had a really nice conversation with Alexi about that and her hopes for next year. It made me feel good that I can help make things happen.

Elizabeth would be working on building the new Ikea desks with Heather. But it was very slow going. Lots of drawers and little parts. She was getting frustrated plus everything was dusty. We would help later.

But in the meantime Joe asked me to drive with him up to the barn, where I would drive him back in the gator. Can do. He had to figure out where his keys were so after we carried all the Ikea boxes (which were very heavy!!) out of the truck bed I waited for him in the truck for a few minutes.

It was fun driving the gator. I also just enjoy talking to Joe. Even when he's grumpy I do really like him and think he's a really nice man. We chatted about camp projects and cars. And after dropped him off at the office I drove back to the dodge house to meet the group.

They were still at horses so I went and met them there. They were very excited to pet the horses and feed them. A few of them kept announcing that that was what they were doing which was very funny. It was a very sweet experience. I'm so glad they had fun. We found out that the reason the group was so small was because everyone else in the group chose to go to Hersey park instead!!! They chose us over a theme park! That's so cool.

And they really did like it. After we left the horses I told them to wash their hands before pizza. And then once we were seated I told them all about camp and encouraged them to apply to be counselors next year and all of them were raising their hands saying they want to apply and had questions but it was great. I really hope they do apply because I loved their energy and I think they would do well to bring that energy to camp. Like they are similar to Tony and Manny. Just cool and young but will still be a little camp cringy and it's perfect. That's what we need.

They would share their pizza with us. Which we appreciated. And then I drove me and Sarah and Nick back to the office.

Where Elizabeth was very much struggling because she realized she put the desk together wrong. It was all upside down and she has stripped all the screws trying to take it apart and she was super upset and stressed about her Halloween costume because she needed grey paper. And so we told her we would handle the desks and I was pretty sure I had grey paper. I would run up to the art building when she said she couldn't find it and I was able to find some large sheets and saved the day. She complimented how tidy the art building was and I wished her luck with her costume (her and her friends are going to be crayons) and told her to have a nice weekend.

When I got back to the office the wedding was starting to use our porch for their gift bags for their guests as they come in. So I put all the recycling away and we brought in all the Ikea.

And then me and Sarah got to work. Heather would help. It was not going well at first be ause I didn't understand the Ikea nuts which are actually cam locks. So after watching a YouTube video I was able to use my pocket tool and it came apart easily. Which felt good. Getting it back together correctly took some thinking. Me and Heather and Sarah struggled through it was we did eventually figure it out. We had to take it apart a little more but we would get it. And soon we had a desk!! Sarah put the top on and started putting the drawers in and building the next set of drawers while I started building the next desk.

And I made the same mistake Elizabeth did!!! I put the top and bottom on backwards. Ugh. Thankfully I knew how to fix it now and it only took a minute. I was so mad at myself though because it was literally the same mistake. And I shd been so careful. Terrible.

Heather was in the main office building a chair while we did our desk building. The uncle of the groom was just talking our ears off through the door. Which was fine but Sarah was like. He needs to go somewhere that is not here. Which was funny. Even the guy's wife was like, maybe we should get moving, mostly because she was really cold. And the storm was coming in. The sky was turning grey.

Once the second desk was done I got my stuff and headed out. Wished everyone a nice weekend. And was on the road.

It was a long drive home. Mostly fine, it did start raining and it was a little heavy for a minute. I would get home at 440. And was really happy to be back.

I put my stuff away and took a shower. I started working on a project with my charm collection and while I was doing that James came home! I was happy to see them but pretty quickly they had to head to get their mom to take her to get their new car.

While they were gone I wouldnt do much. I mostly was just really tired.

And so I got in bed. Which is where I have remained. James would make spaghetti when they got home. We are in bed together. They went and worked on their editing for the podcast and I watched videos and was just a lump in bed.

Now though it is time to sleep. I am very ready. I have a long day tomorrow. With the market and then an event at the museum. I miss being an educator there sometimes but I really love what I'm doing now. It's nice I can pop back in sometimes. Though I am sad to miss dinner with James's cousins tomorrow it's alright. I hope they have fun.

Sleep well everyone. Until next time!

[incomingalbatross]

@brambleberrycottage I read Vespertine! Saved most of it for the second long drive of my Christmas break, and enjoyed having it. :)

I liked it. The worldbuilding premises of "ghost problems" and "conscripted spirit warfare" felt very Jonathan Stroud, but I think I like Rogerson's style better. I...wasn't sure how I felt about the use of some Catholic aesthetics and vocabulary, but it WAS really cool to see a medieval-fantasy-world's religion actually make use of medieval cathedrals and stained glass and illuminated manuscripts and so on. A depiction of Fantasy Not-France that includes gothic cathedral spires?? It made the whole thing feel more grounded, unexpectedly. (Also, I appreciate that the Catholic-coded Fantasy Religious Orders aren't evil. On the whole.)

I like Artemesia, too, and her relationships with the people around her. She's got quite a bit in common with El Higgins in the "stubborn unhappy goodness" department! I would definitely read more about her. (...Although, after reading Artemesia and Muderbot and El relatively recently, I'm feeling an unexpected craving for a first-person narrator who enjoys being around people. Where are all the extroverts at :P)

More spoilery comments under the cut:

Poor revenant. :( I assumed it was going to end up as a Friend but I wasn't expecting the backstory.

Also, poor revenant for being handed a girl who is this bad at noticing her own needs. Very stressful.

Again, I really liked that the religious orders were caring and benevolent, and even the messed-up members of the structure like Leander and the Divine felt more like... people who had slipped through the cracks. Even with all the Dark Secret Backstory, it didn't feel like the tired old "organized religion as a corrupt institution" take.

Speaking of Leander! I DID guess pretty early, I think, that he wasn't evil, mostly because we keep getting glimpses of him looking less evil when he thinks no one's looking. Poor boy is just Very Stressed. I did not at all guess the Divine's deal, though.

I was excited when Marguerite showed up, because I could tell she was going to get Unexpected Depth, but the eventual conversation between her and Artemesia surpassed my expectations. I love all complicated sibling-adjacent relationships, and I think theirs qualifies by the end.

I also love the guards! And that the people in general so consistently look at Artemesia and see she's a hero—a refreshing approach to this sort of "rogue hero on the run" thing. But I especially love the Captain (even if I don't remember how to spell his name).

Also Priestbane! So glad she got her horse back.

This isn't exactly spoilery but: I really like the worldbuilding choices that feel like medieval Europe, as said above. It feels honest in a way a lot of medieval-ish aesthetic fantasies don't, though I couldn't quite pin down how.

Additionally, the aesthetic choices do a good job at making Artemesia Very Cool. Which I approve of. And I like the way Rogerson writes imagery, in general. It's just...pleasing to me.

My favorite scene might be down in the tunnels when she realizes the revenant is also a kicked goat. It feels like one of the biggest turning points, even though they'd been building friendship for a while, and brings together all the parallels between them in a way I really like.

I would love to see Artemesia run into her little brother in a sequel.

I am also staring at the spirit classification chart, very suspiciously, and I am thinking WHERE DO SUICIDES GO IN THIS.

Seriously, I kind of assumed the penitent was a suicide. But no, that cause of death isn't listed here at all... I am Eyeing This Omission With Interest.

Anyway, thank you again for this! :)