#which is funny cuz like. basically NONE of the ones i mentioned has a DEFINITIVE age lmaoooo

[djevelbl]

Quick question — how old is IM!Mugs supposed to be? Cuz in my mind he's IM!Cup's twin (even tho they're really not), yet I vividly remember this point in The Labyrinth Arc™ where IM!Cup is reminiscing about their parents and through his memory we're shown he was at the youngest a toddler when IM!Mugs was born, maybe even a little older (my headcannon is that he was 5 years old, but to each their own)

So yea. I'm very curious now (it WILL affect a story I'm making. probably at least)

[byulsgrease]

if you arent too busy, can you write a idol!hwasa x idol!reader, wherein they both have to practice with each other for a special stage. However on the first meeting they become starstruck and cant believe somethings are real, but soon warm up to each other?

i'm not terribly busy but this still took a while anyway oops - sorry this took so long anon! here you go :D

if anyone has requests for the other members hmu cuz I've got 2 more hyejin reqs after this one (not that I'm complaining)

"who says we can't do something on our own?"

(hwasa x idol!reader, ~1.2k words)

cw: food + alcohol mention (y'all know how it is)

I named someone Minjeong - it's not Aespa's Winter, idk anything about 4th gen gg's - 민정 is my Korean name so it's just what came to mind

"Hey, wake up. You've gotta see this. GET UP," a voice piercing through the fog of your sleep.

What a rude awakening. Your shoulders being shaken vigorously by a pair of small hands meant they belonged to none other than Minjeong, your youngest group member. You rolled over to glare menacingly at her with one eye open, trying to pull your brain out of the slumber. All you could see was the bright light of her phone shining in your eyes - a video of some kind. But then you heard the audio:

"Have you seen the clip?" asked the interviewer.

"Yes, my members and many MooMoos made sure I saw it"— Moos? Oh, it's Hwasa. WAIT. Both your eyes flew open as you sat up and snatched Jeongie's phone out of her hand to stare at the video. Your mind immediately flashed back to the interview you did last week - they asked who you most wanted to collaborate with, if there were no limitations. Your ears started to heat up at the sheer thought of the flustered mess of an answer you gave - of course you said Hwasa. Both of you debuted relatively close to each other, within a year, but never interacted much over the years. Mamamoo as a group was a force to be reckoned with, but there was just something about Hwasa specifically. You mostly just admired her unique singing voice and undeniable stage presence, and her relentless drive to always be herself in an industry constantly trying to fit women into a box.

Finally snapping out of re-living that embarrassment, your attention turned back to the phone in your hand. The interviewer must've asked her to send a message in response to you, because you couldn't believe that she was waving and saying, "How haven't we gotten to know each other better over all these years? I'd love to work with you on something sometime," curtly dipping her head in a slight bow.

"SEE? You needed to see that," Minjeong rushed to say, full of energy. "And close your mouth, your jaw's on the floor," jokingly pointing.

You side-eyed her and shut your mouth. "Is this what Loco felt like when she called him during Hyena on the Keyboard?" you wondered aloud.

"At least she's not calling you while on camera," she commented, knowing full well that you'd probably embarrass yourself again if she did. "But hey, at least she noticed you! Can I have my phone back now?" It would be a dream come true to collaborate with her, but cross-company collabs... always a pain. that couldn't be helped. The fantasy abruptly ended with demands from your rumbling stomach. Done with your what-if's, you placed the phone back in your maknae's outstretched hand to get up and make breakfast.

~~~~

With award show season rolling around, the crazy scramble of rehearsing for special live stages without leaking sets and collabs began. Checking your email that morning showed a schedule to record the backing track for a special live stage, but that was it. With who? You texted your members a screenshot, but they all told you that block of time in their schedule was empty. A solo stage? The solo mini-album you released this cycle did relatively well, the title track got a music show win, but not a multi-week chart-topper by any means. Possibilities turning over in your mind, you stepped out from your place to head to the company, totally in the dark about what was in store.

The recording studio always smelled the same along with the couches, a comfort for all the insanely long nights and crack-of-dawn early mornings over the years. With a bit of time to kill, you plopped down on one and gingerly patted the worn cushions as some kind of symbolic thank-you for supporting you (literally).

A hesitant but loud knock sent your gaze directly to the door. Watching it slowly open, you leaned forward to see who it was. Needless to say, your jaw fell to the floor again as you clapped a hand over your gaping mouth, eyes widening. Like a soldier obeying a command, you immediately stood up as straight as possible and bowed profusely at Hwasa, sporting a very similar expression on her face (which you failed to notice, your mind running a million miles a minute).

After a series of frantic bows and miscellaneous utterances to each other, she spoke. "It's nice to finally meet you," she said with calm, surveying your frenzied state. "I guess we're granting that collab wish from your interview, huh?"

The red-hot embarrassment leapt to your face. "I...I definitely made a fool of myself answering that question. And our maknae showed me your interview clip too, which was cool, but never did I think it would actually happen," you stammered. I should probably stop talking.

"Well, here I am," she half-smiled coolly. "Let's get started, I'm really looking forward to finally work with you on this," a gleam in her eye and a hint of excitement in her voice.

The studio suddenly felt a lot smaller with her in it, despite there only being your managers, the producer, and the both of you - less people than you and your members alone. Both of you remained relatively quiet the whole time, rather unsure of what to say or talk about. You watched enough MMMTV to know that all the members on their own were shyer than together, and Hwasa knew the same was true for you. But the work basically took care of itself, seamlessly taking turns in the recording booth, witnessing each other's work style and process. The both of you knew your way in front of a mic, seasoned professionals by now. Upon wrapping up, you bowed politely to each other after a quick exchange of KaTalk info, a short and sweet goodbye.

That was... anticlimactic. I mean, it's finally happening - I can't believe it. But maybe I was too idealistic about maybe creating a meaningful relationship with her outside of work... What does she think of me?

~~~~

In the days leading up to the collab stage, you kept going back and forth on whether to reach out or not, despite now being in possession of her contact info. What would you even say? Thoughts of a witty one-liner or relatable meme came to mind, but maybe she'd assume the worst - that you were clout-chasing, or something. Anxieties abuzz, your phone vibrated in your pocket. The KaTalk notification sprawled across your screen. Speak of the devil, it's her.

"Hey, awards season has me stressed. I know you must pretty busy right now too, but I somehow get off early tomorrow if you wanna grab dinner after work?" You had to reread that one. Oh, what? She's inviting me?

Trying not to be weird about responding too quickly, you typed out, "Wow, yeah, that sounds great! ^^ wait, your company doesn't care about you going out to eat during award season?"

"nah, they stopped having that kind of control over us a while ago, we are the money-maker of the company, after all 😏"

"so I guess this means they don't check your phone either ㅋㅋㅋ"

"nope :)"

You proceeded to set a time and place to meet, someplace with meat.

In the process of feasting on an inordinate amount of gopchang imbued with a splash of beer, you learned a fair amount about each other. You talked career, professional aspirations, the weird habits of your members, and more. What surprised you most was the amount of things she already knew about you, having admitted to watching some of your behind-the-scenes content after seeing your interview clip.

"Ah... I'm sorry if I came across as distant during that first recording session," she confessed, pausing to sip her beer. "I honestly didn't know what to do with myself, I felt a little star-struck."

"Oh what?? I felt the exact same, so no worries - and sorry if I came off similarly distant," you rambled back. A bit of silence fell between you, acknowledging the mutual sentiment. You spoke up after a bit, "Thanks for inviting me out tonight, I didn't realize how much I needed this."

"Thank you for making the time, I had fun getting to know you better," she articulated with a smile. "Maybe it'll make the collab stage better," she added on jokingly. You responded with a nod and expression of mutual affirmation.

~~~~

After that, messaging each other became a regular occurrence, that gopchang outing having broken the ice. Honestly, you tried your best to talk about anything besides work, but the baseline of shared understanding connected you in a way that came more naturally than it did with your non idol friends.

You stood across the way from her at the sound check for the final stage, dressed in joggers and slides. Funny to think that you'd be recording this for real in a couple hours, making eyes with the blinking red light on the cameras surrounding you. It sucks that fans wouldn't get to experience the energy and atmosphere of the performance - Hyejin alone is one thing, but adding someone else into her stage presence? Unmatched. There's nothing quite like a live performance - and while you knew everyone in the industry dealt with the consequences of the pandemic, it certainly took a toll to perform and not feel the energy from fans. But realistically, nothing you could do about it. The sound check went over smooth like butter. The stage chemistry came flowing naturally between you both, even when bare-faced and dressed in just sweats.

And when the time came for the actual filming, you both absolutely killed it, an upbeat mash-up of TWIT and your title track. At the very end came a sliver of hesitation before throwing your arms around each other with a big smile for the ending fairy, proud of the work you accomplished together, and a mental fist-pump to yourself for making friends with one of the industry's finest.

Once again walking to a restaurant that served mostly meat to celebrate, you playfully proposed, "We... should do that again sometime." A little puff of air came out her nose in amusement.

"Yeah, we should. Too bad we're gonna have to wait a whole cycle before we can release anything else together again," she sighed longingly.

"Who says we can't do something on our own?"

[nc7dr3am]

IF LILY DATED...

HI this is a long post. the idea for this was inspired by my favorite @delicatejisung who also has an nct dream oc that you MUST follow. also i know the edit sucks. also also i write very light nsfw stuff in this. like mentions but no smut cuz i don’t do that. HOWEVER there are no nsfw mentions w jisung. ik teens do whatever and lily is only a year older than him but 1.) i will not do that because he is still a minor and 2.) they just aren’t like that together. they don’t need it

THIS IS ALL HYPOTHETICAL NONE OF IT IS OFFICIALLY CANON. lmk which ones sound cute cuz even tho it’s not gonna happen .. lilno and chenlil might have stolen my heart

mark:

you can bet they’d be so completely in love with each other

very sweet, very romantic

“baby” “babe”

in front of the camera they’re normal, the same amount of affection as usual, oftentimes less

lily, when mark is talking or being unintentionally attractive: *bites bottom lip, looks up a little, seems like she’s trying not to smile*

he does his rap in mfal to her randomly and it’s cringey and funny but he does it to make her smile because he knows it’s her fav title track

when she sings he smiles so wide because in his opinion. there is no sound more beautiful than her voice

they talk to each other so well. like. they can sit for HOURS just talking and it never gets old to them

writes genuine love letters to her but will cringe and hate himself if he gives them to her until she gets teary and smiles

her basically giving him book reports about the books she reads and he literally falls more in love with her when she’s screaming about the novels because she is so PASSIONATE

her falling asleep in the practice rooms or studio late at night because she INSISTS on staying with him

and when he kisses her he likes to tilt her chin up with his hand of holds both sides of her face

hyuck taking credit for the whole relationship

she has a collage of polaroids of them, of him (including some of the ones from qtah) that are separate from her other photos of friends (she has a lot)

mark has a few polaroids of her that he keeps by his bed and he always smiles when he sees them

HE 10000% WRITES SONGS FOR HER AND SHOWS HER BUT HES REALLY NONCHALANT ABOUT IT

she never calls him oppa (even a bit before they start dating tbh)

when she has to do sexy performances or just acts sexy you will 100% find mark at his most awkward

they will have fun doing ANYTHING they’ll be happy through anything if they’re together

they could go through five watermelons in a day

konglish all the time. and getting excited/thinking something is funny and jumping and screaming

“can i have your netflix password, lils?” “mark you’re literally richer than me and still use all of my accounts”

her getting embarrassed by him and giggling

she will continue her campaign to get mark to play spiderman

lazy days making music, him watching her cook, binge watching american reality shows she likes, and literally just days where theyfe in bed and make out and talk and make out

shopping trips all the time

they love to do activities together. like, they’ll go places and try new things

she’s desperate to visit his home and his family

and they have their ideal life planned. like. if they weren’t idols they’d get an apartment together. they wanna have some pets together. they have trips they’d like to go on together

they grew up together, they’ve loved each other for years, they’ve been pillars of support

but as much as they’ve loved each other they grew to be IN love with each other

but teased by every unit especially 127. wbk.

they’re more.. private than the others. they’re alone together a lot and don’t overdo it in front of the others

SLIGHT nsfw below. no smut but. and then some fluff near the end <3

ummm so like. vanilla for the most part even tho lily is a bit more ✨wild✨

oh um. ass grabs. when they’re alone but. constantly

when they get comfy with each other (read: when mark finds confidence and is comfy) he will always have his hands on her ass

even just resting there

mirror selfies with his hand on her ass

if he can’t touch her ass, it’s always a hand on her thigh

very affection when alone together, moderate when they’re with others

he likes to lay on her stomach and she loves when he lays on her shirtless

so many days where they just lay in bed together, tangled in lily’s blankets, music playing in the background, lazy makeout sessions... need i go on? CUTE SHIT

mark isn’t great at expressing his emotions publicly, and they hold so much of their relationship just between them. they both always know how much they love each other

renjun:

so they’re SOFT

song covers together

she tries to learn mandarin but. she ends up getting frustrated that she can’t get it and renjun kisses it better

he tells her the wrong words in mandarin a lot and it has fucked her over a lot, especially in lives

“oppa, how do you say ‘i bought that shirt for renjun?’”

*in mandarin* “i am in love with renjun”

they’d be a bit more obvious about their feelings, a bit more touchy

when they confess, they’re together right away, no questions asked. they literally need each other

sleepovers every night and they’re generally really cozy

lily reading, renjun drawing, a movie playing on her laptop that they aren’t paying too much attention to

renjun has specific articles of clothing he puts aside in his closet because he KNOWS she’s gonna take those specific ones

he is very into giving her flowers and little gifts

shes asked him to give her mf art lessons LMAO

ended with them covering each other in paint and making a MESS

they’re silly together, they’re the couple who knows how to cook but starts playing with the ingredients and makes a mess

they leave sticky notes for each other everywhere

lily jumping into his arms

constant pecks on the lips. the dreamies are sick of it. so sick of it.

deep talks late at night

lily being funny and having a box of his stuff in her room even though they live in the same place

nomin threatening renjun

but then lily fourth wheeling with them all

somehow they become even more of a savage duo

when they make eye contact while performing they’ll make faces at each other

he turns the koala joke into her pet name

so he calls her koala and she calls him a pain in her ass

SOFT KISSES he always cups one side of her face

he braids her hair a lot or does cute little styles

lots of cafe dates

will KILL any of the others if they wake her up when she’s sleeping

the type of romance that’s sappy but also they can most definitely roast each other

she likes to wrestle him LMAOO

the way they’re basically chenji’s babysitters is SO FUNNY it started to happen a lot right after they got together

they want to adopt a puppy and name him moomin

SLIGHT nsfw below. no smut but. and then some fluff near the end <3

okay so it’s kinda.. more hesitant and sometimes she takes the lead more than he does

their make out sessions are more heated but don’t always lead to something

like the way it’s going youd THINK it’d be something, but then they just decide to watch a movie and go to bed

he really likes her neck and collarbones but can’t do much to her neck because yknow they’re idols

there’s almost no insecurity in their relationship

it’s very relaxed and loving, and everyone around them can see and feel the love

jeno:

a bit unexpected

a ✨whirlwind romance✨

lilno? more like lilmino because jaemin is always there

a part of her was genuinely sad that she broke up nomin and everyone looks at her like she’s crazy

torn between her love for him and letting him go if jaemin confessed

they can be a bit more obvious in front of fans than the others, because for some reason there isn’t much suspicion there

in front of czennies he lowkey flexes and picks her up over his shoulder a lot, has his arm around her a lot, and they wink at each other from across the set

he holds her waist a lot, and he’s super protective

but also the !! softness !!

have literally been walked in on several times of them just peppering each other with kisses and laughing and its literally lowkey a movie romance

working out together

practicing dances together

the type of guy to literally ignore everything she’s saying because her beauty distracted him

she hits him on the arm for that

passionate kisses

there have been too many times where the others walk in the kitchen and lily is sitting on the kitchen counter with her arms around jeno’s neck as they’re just making out

they’re the couple that’s yelled at by the dreamies the most because sometimes they need to chill out

LMAO THEYRE LIKE THE HORMONAL HIGH SCHOOL COUPLE

and like they love each other deeply and fully, it’s not high school in that regard

but they giggle too much and are kinda all over each other sometimes

they use pet names just a BIT too much

the older guys are a bit more protective of her with him than they would be with any of her other options

cuz while they’re softies

they escalate their relationship super quick

and it’s RIGHT for them

but the hyungs are protective

jeno surprisingly isn’t that jealous because if he could actually get lily

he knows neither of them are going anywhere

him constantly telling her how beautiful she is

her encouraging him and telling him he’s so talented and more than he thinks he is

when they ride the tandem bikes (i think that’s what they’re called? the bikes with two people?) it’s just jeno pedaling

OH and when they make eye contact during stages it only enhances their stage presence because they both wanna look sexy for their boo

jeno is rooting for lily solo because he knows she deserves it

super sweet and wholesome and they make each other smile so WIDE

she pops his zits for him LMAO

cuddles for DAYS and jeno’s fav thing is when she falls asleep in his arms

touches his muscles all the time

SLIGHT nsfw below. no smut but. and then some fluff near the end <3

they make out so much OMG

a bit wilder than she would be with others

she loves to run her hand down his abs

when she does that or touches his biceps it lowkey turns him on

jeno is a bit more reserved than the others at times, but with lily he feels utterly HIMSELF

he doesn’t feel like the jeno who is just a hot rapper. he feels more than that with her

they bring the light out in each other

hyuck:

another unexpected pair but a lot more expected than jeno/lily would be

they’re both literal sunshine and they would be such a beautiful couple

lily aka the only human alive to fluster hyuck

and even THAT doesn’t happen very often

hyuck’s lap = lily’s seat

SO touchy and affectionate but not in the way lily/jeno would be

it’s like constant hand holding, hugging, sitting on each other, leaning on each other, stars in there mf EYES

while they still tease each other and mess around

i have a very specific image in mind of them waking up together, hyuck leaning over her, the biggest smiles on their faces, and then kissing each other

and lily’s just like “hi” with the cutest smile, and then he says it back with the same smile

it might surprise you but hyuck POSSESSIVE

will gatekeep her and not let anyone hug her

always calls her his girlfriend in front of the members

he stands behind her with an arm around the middle of her torso a lot and she’s just absentmindedly playing with his fingers

only a tiny, lil bit obvious in front of czennies because they’re both so affectionate?? and before they dated lily would call him the love of her life?? and keep her face close to his?? this is NORMAL for them

but one of the biggest clues is hyuck being physically unable to not stare at her lips sometimes

they read each other’s tarot nearly every day HAHAH

very romantic as well

she sings him “you are my sunshine” all the time, just stroking his face and staring at him with all of the love in the world

like i said, they still tease the fuck outta each other and roast each other and are at each other’s throats but then they can flip INSTANTLY

he kisses her knuckles and traces her face

he games and she’s falling asleep on his lap

127 squad doesn’t like when they’re being forward because haechannie is the maknae

she loves life cuz more hyuck = more taeil

he will move mountains to make her laugh or see her smile

he’s begging sm for a sexy dance break with the two of them

she’s obsessed with how gorgeous his skin is

the type of boyfriend that notices the tiny little things

he’ll do things/get things for her just because he thought of her or remembered something she said

SLIGHT nsfw below. no smut but. and then some fluff near the end <3

another one that’s a bit wilder

theyre not shy LMAO

steamy intense makeouts like

how is he so good? lily is very satisfied

overall they’re such a fun beautiful HAPPY couple

theyre both so loving and wonderful and there is not one single doubt in anyone’s mind that they love each other fully

jaemin:

literally impossible in any universe

chenle:

lily and chenle have always been two sides of the same coin and he had been waiting for so long

the SMILES

the most beautiful happy smiles at each other ALWAYS because how did they get so lucky?

they were each other’s first proper kiss (canonically, as well)

it’s perfect because they’re best friends and always have been

nothing much changes except the affection and little things because they’re both still best friends

jisung being on all of their dates

he always buys her expensive shit and she hates it so much

she puts on lipstick JUST to kiss his cheek

jisung has walked in on them vibing, on them making out, and yeah he’s sick of it and so happy he only saw them kissing

always sleeping in the same room (usually at his place 👀) but theyre a huge mess when they sleep at night and someone ends up hitting the other because chenle moves too much for her liking

they’re still competitive and of course they still have their alliance

because dating or not, they would fight to the death on that rooftop

chenle literally will kiss every inch of her face because he likes hearing her giggles and he can’t believe he finally got his lily

CUDDLING ALL THE TIME and they’ve fallen asleep on the couch in the dorms and when they’re sleeping HARD the others like to see how many things they can balance on their heads

he will HYPE HER UP ALWAYS

but then say summ like “her face is weird tho” after and unless they’re in front of fans he ends up kissing her after she hits him

when she has to be sexy on stage, he is HERE FOR IT even if the stage is with another person because!! YES his girlfriend is hot, he’s LUCKY

she loves going to his house!! mostly because his family but also

they get to have privacy and be a couple

they’ll hold hands on camera cuz they don’t give a single fuck

they’re definitely outed and have to go public

which just makes their competitive streak and constant roasts WORSE

she loves the sound of his laugh but will yell at him if it hurts her ears

threatens to get one of his predebut photos tattooed on her

a big part of them loving each other is annoying each other and being soft behind the scenes

always together

SLIGHT nsfw below. no smut but. and then some fluff near the end <3

the more intimate aspects of the relationship were really weird at first

but they’re very compatible so it was just fun to them

he WILL honk her boob. has done it in front of the others by accident and jaemin forbid her to see him for a few days

they kinda taught each other how to kiss way before they dated so it was funny when they did it as a couple

peak friends-to-lovers and even czennies can’t help but love then

jisung:

god their shyness is kinda annoying

really confident in private- they talk a lot, they’re very good at just chilling

but lily has to be the one to hold his hand because he’ll get nervous even when he’s so comfy in the relationship

i mean not that the dreamies have time to be in a relationship, but jisung was so SCARED to kiss her and have his first kiss

she thought it was funny

clumsy duo and they tease tf outta each other for it

chenle always being around

they can’t tell who the members are more protective over in the relationship

hugs!!! she loves to backhug him and he thinks it’s cute cuz she’s so tiny

they watch harry potter too much

she has almost convinced him to ride a rollercoaster but ended up failing

he makes fun of her height a lot and then she’ll trip him or something

he’s kinda protective and gets insecure that he’s younger than her sometimes but she just kisses his cheek and tells him to stop worrying

tbh they’re the most innocent, wholesome couple

they wanna go out on dates and they do but catch another member tagging along to babysit them

she gets wine drunk next to him and he can’t drink so he just has this drunk woman on his hands and doesn’t know what to do but honestly she just wants him to cuddle her to sleep

his voice is her favorite sound and she wants him to sing more

whenever anyone says something weird about jisung they both hold up the handcuffs cuz

they’re super weird they can be so confident and then one of them gets flustered and will be a shy baby

trading lines in concerts

lily making cute faces at him, staring at him blankly, winking at him, acting cute to him in front of fans

they share one braincell together and probably accidentally outed themselves by using pet names and like. holding hands on live

and then the OH SHIT face happens

they’ve given the older members heart attacks because he’ll give her a piggyback ride, they’ll hug really tight, or WORSE... they’ll give each other a lil kiss

they’re more innocent by nature but they love kissing and he loves holding her face because her skin is pretty and soft

he wears her perfume on his wrist so he can smell her and smile

the type of boyfriend who is CLUELESS about girl stuff

he wants her to try a different hair color. like a weird one

she refuses

taeyong actually loves them together so much

them dating and being IN LOVE and jisung still gives her cash for her birthday

the “i love you’s” are so. cute. and full. of. LOVE

she is merciless when theyre playing something against each other. she’ll TRY to get him out

usually lily is clingier but when she’s standing and jisung is sitting with his arms around her waist and his head squished to her side it’s so cute

he gets randomly really clingy at times and won’t let go of her

emotional bub will get teary because he loves her so much

[fallenangelloyalty]

One helluva orgasm

Well , dont kniw how great this is gonna sound.... but what that fuck, ain't one mother fucking ear gonna hear.... resavore dogs........... life goals.. . I have always daydreamed about, (only when I had a head full of rage and a body full of nothing)... standing in the corner, waiting for some to come scream with me..... mmmm, who did I steal those last two lines from.. or where... if you dont already know, I dont need to tell you.... are your curious at all????.... fuck it, the suspense is killing me.... mudvayne you fucking asshole , unmusically inclined,  self centered prick!!!!!... lmao... I always wanted to say that... fuck me Alex, talk about rambling thoughts..... fuck... it might sound bad. But I just have too much up there stored away behind doors that all have different key holes..... so you would think that if the key dont fit... dont go in there.... and I think , if the shoe fits, fucking wear it.... I wear a 7 by the way..... if you wanna buy me some shoes and call me out on some shit.... lol..    always hustling somehow... momma needs new shows and I'm broke as fuck.   .. funny thing is, fuck being with or without.  . I'm gonna survive either way..   and still be happy... most of the time.. as long as I dont go reenter the wrong door.... who needs keys, when you leave all the doors open. . I'm not afraid of who might go in there. I dont wanna leave anyone or any being, aka entity,  left locked in there. If you are in my mind, I gotta look out for ya.... i have done some shady shit in my life, but I'm come to realization that when i lay down at night, my conscience is bare..... damn, that line has been taken by zakk wilde.... he would be proud.... fuck what an i thinking. He dont hive a fuck either.... ... fuck me I feel like a retard genius sometimes... statistically the average genius is a housewife..... with a score of like 140 or something....  because a high IQ is fucking logic... common fucking sence.... street smarts basically.... and I got more of that than anyone I've meet with a college degree. ... fuck me Alex, so much wasting talent, I work at IHOP as a server, taking it up the ass everyday from "the man".... I could have been a fucking porn star, and or prostitute,  with very selected clientele,  and taking it up the pussy..   although I love to play with ass.... omg, I honestly hope no one finds this one and reads it

.... therebus only less than a handful of people that could read this and get it, other than that, I'd be locked up at rusk again... . . Damn, at least there I would get free room and board, free food, too be honest, alot of free entertainment... and last but definitely not least,  there would be plenty of listening ears that hear me as well...   ol. .. focus.... damn I'm in a tight spot (oh brother where are tho)... just in case it went over your head. Or wherever your neurotransmitters in up... I'm guessing In the hippo campus 

.. and that's not a school for hippos... I think it could be a place close to where all the dope smoking, free spirited hippies loss all there shit.... fuck me Alex. Talk about multitasking. I was  playing with ass and  masterbating earlier and feeling the music.... ok back to the top.... alot of times, during a body full of nothing and a head full of rage. I wanted to pita cigarette out in someone eye... someone who would deserve it by the way..  and say to them,  can you see  clearly now.... your welcome,  dont mention it.... just chalk it up to be

helping carma out... it's either a bitch or a blessing..  and the second thing I conjured up within this head full of bullshit,  is I would love to pull out my knife and cut your fucking ear off, which you wouldnt miss cuz its perfectly useless to you, and say can you hear me now, you fucking slut ass , whore ass, deaf bastard..... ok .. finally , back to my point... like I said I'm sure none of this is gonna matter anyways... fuck, to me it means everything.... say you had a piece of clothe,  maybe a 12 in by 12 in piece of material.... and that fucking shit mattered to you... It would matter to me too. . ......... (sidetrack). Do I wanna be on or off the rails of the crazy train. After scrolling al the way to the top of this psychotic piece, that flows from my mind and off my lips like cum I'm trying to spit out...or in this case flows from my mind and off my fingertips... hence, I'm typing you fucking unreceptive robot covered in dirty flesh ... *I'll tell you where else these finger tips have been tonight, if you could hear me.... but you cant, and I know that fir a fact, cuz if you are reading this and really trying to comprehend what the fuck I'm trying to say, unless you are a fucking trooper and have some fucking depth to the soul and really digging what the fuck I'm saying like we are kindred spirits and connected by something that is far from tangible ... you are having to read each sentence two or three times to feel it.. hell if you had to do that,  you ain't made it this far................................... should be safe enough now to say what the fuck I mean and mean what the fuck I say.... 

Fuck the poor pitiful me cop out... it's not about that.... it's about you, poor pitiful you... and by you I mean 98% of the people I communicate with... ok maybe 98. 2%... wait, I'm gonna put this on the table.. throw it out there for ya... open mouth insert foot.. biting off more than you can chew and walking around naked I. Your living  room... feel free.... jagged little pill... yes you..  and ne of course... he is my question,  and it's not one for you to answer,  cuz truth does not exist, but the lies do... perversion of the truth... misguided in misderection..... Chad gray.   Hiw the fuck , how in the hell can people be so two faced... how can someone or anyone fir that matter, be close to someone and not wanna even try to understand one another... answer,  people dont like what they dont understand... they fear the unknown.....  if they are not benefiting from it... gaining from it.. they dont give a fuck.... no concept of sacrificial love.... .... guestion...  and of course rhetorical again.... how can they say they love you.... they dont even fucking know you.... never tried... ....reality check.... do on to others as you wish them to do unto you.... common fucking courtesy of the human race... we are all connected in

[hoseokmylovesworld]

Picture of Love | 10

Pairing: Photographer!Hoseok x OC x Producer!Yoongi

Genre/Warnings: Hoseok AU/Yoongi AU/Includes strong language, mentions of sex

Words: 5,340

Summary: Charlotte Galloway is the leader of the up and coming girl band, “She-Bang”, with a side hustle as a photographer for anyone who will hire her.  She meets a fellow professional photographer named Jung Hoseok who helps “She-Bang” realize their dreams and Charlotte to make a love connection along the way.

I pull out my phone as I search for pajamas to wear after my shower and I text Leyah asking where everyone was. 

"We're all in the boys' room watching them play video games"  was her reply. I nod to myself in understanding and head to the bathroom to change into my pajamas for the night, happy to hopefully to get most of tonight to myself as I hear a knock on the hotel door. I throw my pajamas back on top of the dresser for later to answer the door. I sigh as I look out the peep hole to discover it was Darren. I still hate that our relationship isn't what it used to be recently and we basically struggle to keep things cordial between us. I open the door to be greeted by his handsome smile and inviting eyes. 

"Hey." I blurt out, not knowing what else to say.

"Hey." So you're not gonna make this any easier, okay.

"What's up?" 

"Oh, nothing...Can I come in?"

"Oh! Yeah. Of course." I almost shout, realizing we were still talking awkwardly in the threshold of the hotel room. I stand aside to let him into the room and we move to the bed room area. As I sit on the bed, I get a text from Leyah that just reads "I'm sorry." which I can only assume she's referring to the fact that Darren suddenly showed up at our door shortly after I arrived back when he was originally playing video games next door. And Darren loves his video games. "You had to tell him I was back." I text back quickly.

I put my phone away and placed my attention on Darren. "So what are you up to?" He plops himself onto my bed. "Nothing, just watching some TV." He nods, very obviously trying to figure out what to say next.

"So, Mezzanine tomorrow?" He brings up our gig for tomorrow thankfully. "Oh, yeah! I'm super hype!" We finally settle into a smooth and comfortable flow of conversation. 

Just like old times.

I find myself smiling brightly at the thought that we were able to revert back to being comfortable in each other's company and cracking jokes like we used to...that is until Darren asks about my night. "So how was your night? You're back a little late." He notes. I sigh before answering.

 "Um, it was good. Went on a date." As if you don't already know. 

He nods. "So...did you go out with that Hope guy?" I sigh once more as I drop my head, already losing patience with this conversation. "Yes, Darren." He just nods again. 

"...You've been going out with him a lot..." 

"Yes, I have." I whisper shortly, my attention suddenly glued to the TV. Great an infomercial. 

"Don't hate me for asking this." He voices after a few long moments of silence pass. 

"What?" My head snaps in his direction, knowing what his question would be. 

"Is he... treating you right?" Feigning a pathetic attempt at a concerned face.

"Why, 'cuz you could treat me better?" I say raising my voice.

"I never said that." He rushes to defend himself, cocking his head to the left.

"No, no you didn't." But you were thinking it. 

"I was just making sure you're-" 

"I'm what? Hanging with the right people? That's not your responsibility or your concern-" 

"You're not my concern?" He questioned, getting offended.

"No, I am not." I sneered, my left hand turning to a fist and the right wrapping tightly around the TV remote.

"Char you're one of my closest friends, of course you're my concern-"

"Well I'm not your burden." Or your girlfriend. 

I'm met with silence and a floored yet somber look from Darren so I continue. "So don't worry about my dates with Jay." I march over to my dresser to busy myself with finding an outfit for tomorrow because I couldn't stand to be near him any longer. 

"...So they are actual dates then? Like he takes you out to fancy dinners and shit like that?" I pause and scoff at the indirect accusation and his equally as accusing tone. I know Darren enough by now to know the underlying subtext in everything he threw at me. 

"We haven't had sex yet, if that's what you're asking." I spit at him over my shoulder. He visibly deflates and his body untenses, confirming my suspicions. My eyes roll back into my head as I refocus on shoveling through my drawers. 

"Once again, that is not what I was trying to say. You can stop putting words in my mouth now." He grated sternly, trying to dig himself out of this never ending hole. 

I let my temper get my best of me and allow Darren to distract me from my task as I whip my body around to face him with a newfound animosity inside me, ready to be unleashed on him. "But it is. It is what you were asking and I don't appreciate it . And I'll stop feeding you words when you start saying what you mean." I snapped all while dangerously pointing my finger in his direction. All formality was gone from my voice because of the level of ridiculousness the situation has reached. I was over this conversation before it started and its about time I let Darren know that he doesn't have any sort of claim on me. 

He takes my statement in before shutting his eyes tightly and collecting his thoughts. "Look Char, I'm sorry, I just-"

"Are you? Sorry, I mean? You definitely don't seem like it. Honestly you seem like you got the answer you wanted and now you're trying to find an excuse for me to feel sorry for you. Admit it. You're relieved...You're elated to find out that no one's defiled my body in a month. 'Oh Char's not having sex with anyone? I still have time to make my move.'" I say in a deep voice, giving my impression of Darren as he sits politely waiting for my rant to be over. 

I make my way over to where he sits on the foot of the bed and loom over him, making fierce eye contact the whole way. "I have been and will continue to sleep with who ever I want and none of your 'concerns' are going to stop me." I hiss, making air quotations around concerns. I shut my eyes tight in frustration and move away from Darren as he reaches out to touch me. 

How fucking dare he?!

"No!...God, things were going so well! You just had to ruin it didn't you!?" I shout with abandon, wondering how we even got here.

Darren opens and closes his mouth, before actually deciding on what to say next. "Char, I...I know I've been a fucking dickhead lately and I cant seem to stop pissing you off, but you have to know that was never my intention and I do want things to go back to the way they were before."

No you don't. I roll my eyes so hard at this, I fear they'll get stuck. They didn't.

"And I'm sorry I fucked everything up-and not just recently, I know that-I just wanted to be sure that-you have to know I just wanted you be safe...and happy." In the middle of his speech, he makes his way over to me and I allow him to rest his hand on my arm as he shares his sentiment. I take a few deep breaths to calm down and eventually shrug his hand off of me, much to Darren's dismay. I feel the need to distance myself yet again so I drift back to the bed and Darren makes a wise decision to sit himself in the padded chair across from me.

"I just don't understand what you want from me." I start looking down at the carpet and fiddling with my already perfectly manicured nails. "I mean we flirt around each other for a year and a half and nothing comes of it, but suddenly when I finally find someone I might actually be interested in, you decide it's okay to be openly jealous...I'm sorry, but it literally does not work that way."

"I know that Char-"

"You have a funny way of showing it." I deride just above a whisper.

"I realize that, I realize that I've been an asshole-"

"Try douche-nozzle of the year." I interject once again.

"Yeah, that and sometimes, I just don't know how to act when-"

"Yeah, I fucking noticed!" I couldn't help, but laugh out loud at that one.

"Char!"

"What?!"

"Can you please let me speak? Please? I'm trying to apologize here and you are just-"

"Fine, go ahead...Sorry." I brush him off and immediately apologize when I see his annoyed face and realize I had in fact interrupted him while telling him to go on.

"I just...yes, I felt...some type of way when I saw the Hope guy come out of literally nowhere and basically sweep you off your feet."

"Why though? That is what escapes me. Sorry if I missed it, but it just went over my head, I guess." I shrug, my sentence dripping with sarcasm as well genuine intrigue.

Darren focuses on one spot on the floor as the gears almost visibly turn in his head on how to respond to my query. After two or so minutes, he takes a breath and sits up slightly as if to speak, when instead he lets out a hearty laugh. Any hint of curiousity or patience on my face had dropped and promptly been replaced with hostility.

"I suppose now I have to ask what it is that's so funny?" I cross my arms and wait for whatever silly excuse he has to offer. Why do I even entertain this?

"Nothing...Nothing is funny I promise. I...I knew what I wanted to say to you when I walked over here...I knew what I wanted to say when I showed up and knocked...but when I saw you it-it was like everything just left." He created a visual of his words with his hand in a wiping motion and laughed bitterly once more.

I feel my teeth grind together without my permission. "Then tell me what is it is you wanted to say initially. Before the ridiculousness ensued." I mutter ardently, hoping this conversation would end soon.

"You know what, nevermind." He gets up and makes his way to the door, but not before I jump in front of him to stab my finger into his chest.

"You're infuriating, you know that?" I look up at his looming frame with a ferocity in my eyes I haven't released in years. "You come in here with your accusations and your petty arguments, trying to incriminate me when you're the guilty one, Darren! And you know it! Nevermind? Are you fucking kidding me? You owe me that after this stunt you pulled today." I continue to dig my finger nail deeper into his chest with every poke. 

"You feign innocence and play the victim when you're the one instigating the trouble! You claim you're confused and J-Hope, is his fucking name by the way, you claim he's the problem and the reason why you're feeling this way when really it's you! It's your ego! It's the only child in you that always gets what he wants, it's the ladies man that's been rejected for once in his sorry life, it's you goddammit! How dare you come to my room and make me out to be the bad guy? It's literally not my fault you couldn't man up and stop being a pussy!" Through the inescapable, raw rage and tears that couldn't seem to stop falling down my face, I can just start to notice the absolutely crushed expression on Darren's face at my words. His jaw and fists were clenched, his eyes that harbored unshed tears looked everywhere, but at me. He looked pained.

I'd never seen him so utterly damaged. My hand instantly flies to cover my despicable mouth at the realization that I did that to him. My hand reaches out to grasp his arm and after a few fleeting seconds of contact, he shrugs it off and brushes past me to the door one more time. I all but chase after him and try grasp either of his arms.

"Darren, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I swear I didn't mean any of that-"

He lashes around to face me, his feral, but upset face startling me a bit. I gasp and recoil back, no longer looking to touch him. "Really Char...You didn't mean all that shit?" He demands, incredulously. I shake my head, helplessly. "No, no." I whimper pathetically as I feel more tears begin to blind my vision.

"Just some of it then?" He offers, scrutinizing me. I have no answer and the urge to break down and cry is entirely too strong for me to continue any type of conversation so I just look at my bare feet to avoid his fierce gaze. It's funny how the hot seat can be switched that quickly. A second ago I wanted to slap him and now I just want him to forgive me.

"I'm-I'm just gonna go then-"

"No! Please don't go like this." I take a step towards him, but keep my hands to myself. "I am sorry." I plead.

Darren spares me one last glance before he walks to the door. He hesitates to open it, giving me a sliver of hope, but he comes to his senses and exits quickly to avoid anything else that might slow him down or make him stay.

I stay in place for what seems like five minutes or at least until Vicky and Carrie come into the room. I immediately go to dry my tears and try to get rid of my sniffles because I can't stand the idea of someone seeing my cry over a guy. Especially if that guy is Darren.

"Char! What's wrong?" They cry as they go to comfort me. I practically duck out of their embraces and grab my clothes off of the dresser. "Nothing...where is Leyah?" I clear my groggy, cried out voice. "She's still next door, talking to Darren. He kicked us out." I laugh humorlessly. Of course my best girl friend is Darren's best friend as well and she will most-likely be in the middle of our fiasco. "What happened, Char?" Vicky approaches me, I ignore her question and race to the bathroom. "I'm taking a shower."

After letting everything out in the shower, I crawl into bed, fully intending to pass out on sight and just forget this whole ordeal ever happened. About thirty minutes after I get out of the shower, Leyah finally comes into the room and she just offers me a kind Leyah-grin before getting ready for bed. Yeah this is bad. 

When I attempt to think of something that might cheer me up other than Leyah. J-Hope immediately pops into my head. I grab my phone and text him about the performance in hopes that he might come see me. I fear the joy of performing might not even be enough to lift my spirits, so I'm enlisting the help of the sun incarnate, A.K.A. Jung Hoseok. He replies quickly saying he'll be there and just like that I have something to look forward to tomorrow.

The next day, I was the first to wake up, as usual, around four in the afternoon and got ready for the day. Not even the excitement of performing at the Mezzanine could put any pep in my step or erase this deep frown on my face. The girls hit the showers one after the other and proceed to do their own thing in the hotel room. Vicky and Carrie give me pitiful, curious looks, hoping I'll confide in them sometime today. Nope.

What concerns me most is that Leyah hasn't even acknowledged me yet, but I cannot tell if it's because she's being her normal self or if she took Darren's side last night and thinks I'm in the wrong and I can't take the suspense. Watching her decide what to wear today in front of her closet, I take the opportunity to approach her.

"Hey, Leyah. Can I talk to you?" I whisper, hoping the others in the next room can't hear me. She turns to me with a bored look on her face. "Is it about Darren, by any chance?" She droned. "Yes."

Leyah sighs loudly and a knowing smirk appears on her face. "You don't have to prove anything to me, Char. Darren may be my best friend, but so are you and to be honest, you were both dead wrong." I can't help, but chuckle at her incredibly true statement. She focuses back on her clothing as she continues. "He should never have even come over here last night and if I'm being honest, it's my fault he did-sorry about that by the way-"

"It's not your fault-"

"And I hear you said some... offensive things." Her eyes focused on nothing in particular, as if she was reliving Darren telling her what happened here. I look down guiltily. "... Yes." I mutter.

"... But nothing that wasn't true." She offers me a humorous side eye. I fight the urge to laugh again as I reply. "Even so, I shouldn't have said them. He looked really upset and... I don't know how to fix it."

"You're upset too... no?"

"Yes, I am... he seriously rubs me the wrong way sometimes, but I know I really fucked up."

Leyah suddenly gives me her full attention with one hand on her hip and one resting on her wardrobe. "I'm proud of you."

Her reply made my eyes pop out of my head and my brows stoop down low. "H-huh?"

"I'm proud of you." She repeats. "I thought you would have held a grudge 'cuz he hurt your feelings-"

"I refuse to admit he hurt my feelings." I immediately defend and Leyah just points at me and tilts her head, as if to say 'That! That right there.' I just roll my eyes in response.

"I'm glad to see you actually trying to make amends is what I'm saying."

"Thanks... I'm glad to see you showing emotion." I utter sheepishly to the ground.

"Hey, I can... emote." Leyah makes lazy jazz hands to enhance her argument and I huff out a laugh.

"Yeah, okay... thanks, Leyah. This is why I love you."

"Ew, your welcome." She cringes and continues to look for an outfit. I just laugh at her and make my exit. As I'm about to exit the room I hear Leyah mumble just under her breath "Love you too." and I feel a blinding smile split across my face. Caught ya.

I look back at the night stand clock and realize it's almost time to go and I'm made aware that I have a favor to ask of Leyah. I spin back into the room, startling Leyah.

"Oh, would you mind checking on the guys for me?" I try to show off my best set of puppy dog eyes. She basically deflates and give me a 'you can't hide forever' look, but agrees anyway.

"Thank you so much." I sang and went to leave the room again, but not before letting Leyah know what I heard. "Oh, and I heard that!" I toss over my shoulder.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." She whines in the distance.

The girls and I join Darren and Kyle in the hotel garage to pack the van. When the job is done and the crew makes their way inside, I notice Darren stay behind to make sure everything was secure and I decide to strike.

"Hey, Darren. Can I talk to you real quick?"

Darren barely acknowledges me, clearly still pissed off from last night, and looks around the garage before making brief eye contact with me.

"I don't know if now is the time Char." He says quickly before heading to the driver's seat and I grab his arm before he can enter.

"Okay, after the gig then?... Please?" I squeeze his arm gently and turn on the puppy dog eyes again. He sighs and looks to his far right at nothing of importance. "Sure, Char." He uttered as if it hurt him to give in to me.

"Thank you." I whisper before we part ways and head to the venue.

The Mezzanine is thankfully already packed with bodies from wall to wall, almost more than the last time we were here and I hope it's because they're here to see us.

Aubrey, the club manager, welcomes us as we enter through the back entrance around 7:50 PM. "Hi! I'm so glad you guys could come and play for us, I've heard good things about you guys."

I thank Evan mentally for the promotion as I shake Aubrey's hand. "Thank you so much for letting us perform!" I say in my bubbly leader-voice.

I was pleasantly surprised to learn that the Mezzanine actually have stage hands to help the music acts set up. This place is more official than I originally assumed. That left me too much time to avoid Darren backstage, as if he wasn't already doing the same thing to me. 

As soon as the instruments are set up, the girls and I take the stage and give the Mezzanine the best performance they ever saw. "We are She-Bang! Goodnight!" I yell into the mic at the end of our set, receiving an even louder, enthusiastic reaction from the crowd. I guess they were here for us, that or we just gained a lot more fans.

After we dismantled the the equipment and the regular club music started pumping from the speakers, the group decided to stay and party for a little while, as usual. We all grab drinks from the bar and hit the crowded dance floor.

I can't help, but dwell on the fact that I didn't see Jay in the crowd tonight. Not that I could detect many faces, but his, I could usually pick out of the bunch. He is one of a kind. He didn't even bother to text me or call and tell me he couldn't make it and that's what actually pissed me off. But we aren't even together so I guess I can let up a little bit with the 'not calling' mess. J-Hope is a busy man, he probably got caught up in something.

I find my own place in the sweaty, gyrating throng of people and shake off the unnecessary thoughts, literally. As I look up from my tipsy stupor, I spot Darren from across the room. How we got so far apart is beyond me and I was thankful for it, until he began to make his way towards me and I started to panic. You asked for this, Char, it's now or never.

But as I mentally prepare myself for this conversation I see Darren's eyes narrow on something behind me. He stops in his tracks and his neutral expression turns to one of anger as I feel a pair of hands cover my face, gently from behind. I'm overtaken by fear just before a familiar cologne fills my nostrils and a beautifully deep voice fills my ears. "Guess who?". I turn around immediately in wonder, all thoughts of Darren gone from my mind. I am met with J-Hope's handsome, smiling face and his wandering hands on my hips. Not a second later we were each devouring each other in a messy, tangled kiss.

"I missed you." I breathed out heavily once we departed.

You just saw him yesterday.

Shut up.

"I missed you too." He laughed easily.

"I thought you weren't coming for a minute." I wrap my arms around his neck and we instinctively sway to the music.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that, I got caught up with something for work. I missed most of the set actually, but I made it! You guys sounded amazing... from what I heard." He finished timidly.

See? Overreacting as usual.

"It's okay, Jay. I am glad you made it. So now you can dance with me." I said flirtatiously, pressing my body closer to his.

"Of course." Was his response as he held me tighter and moved to the beat. Jay and I take after the crowd and grind our bodies together. I press my backside to his groin and roll my body on his and I can feel his reaction through his jeans, causing a smug smirk to grace my lips. All the while, Jay is tending to the weak spot below my jaw, causing my legs to slightly weak.

I make a conscious, but split decision to request that Jay and I take this party elsewhere. We've known each other for a few weeks now, it's obvious we're sexually attracted to each other and it helps that Jay is one of the most wonderful people I've ever met. And I haven't gotten laid since a week before we met. What's holding me back? 

The only reason I haven't pursued him this way before was because I wanted to take things slow since I actually might have feelings for him. Who am I kidding, I definitely have feelings for this kid. But I don't want to be his girlfriend, if that makes any sense. That word still stirs up anxiety in me. Jesus please take the wheel.

I open my eyes and intend to lean up and share my raunchy ideas with Jay, but I'm distracted by Darren's disappointed gaze from where he sat in the back of the club with Leyah nursing her drink and minding her own business directly next to him. 

We share a few more moments of silent, tense conversation until Leyah realizes what he's staring at and literally grips his chin in her hand and turns his attention towards her. After Leyah has a couple choice words with Darren, without responding, he decides to take a seat at the bar and mind his own business as well. I send Leyah a nod in thanks, then I hear J-Hope's smooth voice in my ear.

"Everything okay?" I quickly turn around to face him fully. "Everything is fine." I answer and place a sloppy kiss to his lips promptly as incentive for my next demand. Before I can open my mouth, J-Hope beats me to the punch.

"You wanna get outta here?" He asks as he strokes my cheek gently with his thumb. "I thought you'd never ask." My blissful reply causing a smile to spread across his face. "Just lemme tell the girls and we can go." He nods and follows me to the back of the club.

I approach Leyah, who seems to have been ditched by everyone already. "Hey, where is everyone?" Leyah puts down her drink and nods at Jay behind me. "Scattered around the club, they didn't leave, don't worry."

"Good. Well, Jay and I are gonna head out. Ya'll gonna be okay without me?"

"Yeah, sure." She shrugs, her hooded eyes and usually bored demeanor told me that she would be just fine without me, indeed.

I chuckle. "Is Darren okay?"

"He's... Darren. Didn't like what he saw too much, but... what are you gonna do?" Her eyes drift to Darren, sipping his drink morosely at the bar. She tried to shrug off the pity she felt for her best friend for my sake.

"Alright, well, I'll see you guys later." Leyah just waves in response and goes back to sipping her drink and browsing her phone.

J-Hope and I make our way through the crowd, to his car and once inside, he turns to me. "Have you eaten?" Oh.

"No, I haven't." I say, feeling out the situation.

"Oh, well, my friend told me about this neat restaurant on 9th. Would you wanna go? Or did you have anything in particular in mind?" He finishes with that hopeful smile. Yeah, your place.

Attempting to conceal my shock, due to Jay asking me to dinner instead of to fuck, I force my face into a kind smile. "Nope, anywhere's fine." It's okay, we can wait an hour to get some.

We travel for about five minutes to the place J-Hope mentioned. He finds parking, opens my door for me and leads me to the entrance with his hand rested on my lower back as usual. Above the entrance is a barely lit up logo of the restaurant's name; Taste Me. I tilt my head slightly in intrigue at the name, but shake it off. My attention is then brought to the view through the window of the establishment. It is hard to make anything out through the dark veil of the curtains, except that there is candle light and it is empty inside. I grow more and more suspicious of this place the closer we get, but I keep my thoughts to myself as Jay seems pretty excited about this place.

As we walk in, my suspicions, though I'm not sure what they are, are confirmed. The room was a small square shape with a door directly to the back and the walls were a rich, dark wood. Oak? Mahogany maybe? I'm not sure. The lighting in the room was pretty dark. There was only one small chandelier and a few candles on two brown, pub tables near the windows. In front of the door sat a young, blonde, woman dressed in all black on a bar stool who was scrolling through her phone. Okay.

It had great potential to be a quaint little restaurant... if only it had furniture... and food... and people.

Jay and I approach the woman who doesn't bother to look up from her phone in the slightest. "Excuse me." He tries to get her attention after a few moments of awkward silence. She looks up in a fright, as if she had no idea people had just walked into the building. "Yeah?" Is she says with a hint of annoyance in her voice. I know she didn't.

"We'd like a table for two please, if you don't mind." Jay demands, getting a little annoyed himself.

The girl's eyebrows sky rocket, so as to communicate that she has no idea what he's talking about. "What?" she mutters in shock.

"I said may we please have a table for two... please." He repeats, losing patience. I fight back a smile at the sight. The blonde also seems to be fighting back the giggles as she endeavors to come up with an answer to the question. "Uhhh... erm-I..." She continued to stammer.

Oh, for the love of God.

"Do you have any tables available, or not?" I snapped at her, just wanting to get this over with. I'm trying to laid here, lady.

"Um, sure." She finally forms a complete thought, though she is still fighting off laughter and it's pissing both me and Jay off. "You can just-just go through that door and someone should be there to help you out." She pointed to the door directly behind her.

"Thank you, I guess." Jay says and lets me drag him through the door. As I turn the knob and open it, I can hear the world's worst hostess let out a whimsical laugh from behind us and J-Hope let out an authentic gasp. We allow the door to close behind us as we stand there in complete awe.

Suddenly, I'm overcome with equal amounts of amusement and embarrassment as I burst out in a fit of laughter.

Taking in all of the different types of dildos, vibrators, plugs and costumes I realize J-Hope and I are standing in the middle of one of the biggest adult toy stores I have ever seen.

This is rich. 

[iamrheaspeaks]

per·i·pe·tei·a 1

Erik x OC! (Morrigan)

Word Count: ~1.3k

Bold text: Erik

Regular text: Morrigan

Warnings: None

A/N: Here I am starting something new when I have shit to finish 🤷��‍♀️ The inspiration for this came from Season 1 Episode 2 of The Blacklist. The military time format I use is referred to as the Day Time Group (DTG) and the format is as follows DDHHMM(Z*)MONYY which translates into; 2 digit day, time in 24 hour format, military identifier*, 3 digit month code and year. As always lightly proofread/edited. Enjoy! 💋

*: Military identifier is basically like a generalized location marker. I’m using U, which is CA.

Part 2

per·i·pe·tei·a /ˌperəpəˈtēyə, ˌperəpəˈtīə/ noun: a sudden reversal of fortune or change in circumstances

Erik

060900UJUN

I think that she knows. I’m not absolutely sure yet but she definitely knows something. Everything about her has been withdrawn lately. Normally our eyes meet in the mirror when I walk into the bathroom and she’s brushing her teeth. For the past couple of days she’s been doing everything in the shower. She froze when my hand grazed hers yesterday, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her retract it so quickly. We both reached for an apple out the fruit basket at the same time. Our kiss goodbye this morning was…forced and dry. She definitely knows.

Morrigan

June 6 6:30pm

I’m in my car in contemplating going home. Everything about the man I married is starting to feel more and more like either a mystery or a lie. I’ve been walking around on eggshells for days. And to think that, that stupid kiss this morning gave me away. I haven’t even begun to fully process this shit. But I know better than to tell anyone or ask for actual help. That much I do know. Who is this man that I call husband?

070900UJUN

Once it hit 22:00 and she still hadn’t made the effort to come home that was all the confirmation I needed. Since it didn’t seem like she’d be returning for the night I started to initiate my burn protocol. It wasn’t until I removed the wooden box I had hidden under the floorboard in the mudroom that I realized how bad it was. How much she knew. She probably doesn’t even realize she left it but I noticed it. I’m trained to. Blood on the box smeared right underneath the latch. She said she cut her palm slicing strawberries. The GPS tracker I had installed in her watch told me exactly where she was so there was no need to go find her. She’d have questions and when she was ready…she’d ask them. I spent the rest of the day trying to pinpoint how I missed it? When did she find it? How long has she known?

June 7 3:00pm

I was not myself at work and everyone noticed. I’m normally the one to volunteer to work the front desk because on days when it’s dead it gets the most traffic. Today I was in the common kitchen with the TV off just sitting in one of the chairs. I didn’t even realize Claire was in there until she dropped her teacup. It shattered on impact just like mine did the day I found the wooden box underneath the floorboards. The good thing about working in Human Services was how big on mental health they were. As soon as my boss noticed how withdrawn I was she let me take the rest of the day off. All the ‘people we serve’, that’s what we have to call them, were out with their families for the day so we pretty much just all sat there waiting for the phone to ring and staring at each other. I stopped by the diner before going home, I don’t really know why. The waitress kept trying to make me order my usual pancake special because I ‘looked like I could eat’. I could eat if I wasn’t wrapped in my thoughts about returning to the one place I should feel safe.

071700UJUN

I’m sitting in the living room on this damn blue couch I hate just waiting. Statement piece my ass. I cleared off the coffee table so now all that was on it is my wooden box, the lid flipped up with all its contents laid out. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breathe in as I finally picked up on the sound of her key turning in the lock. She’d been sitting in the car for 15 minutes. Nothing good was going to come out of this but this job was starting to change me. —

When Morrigan finally stepped into the house she was on high alert but tried not to show it. Morrigan knew Erik was home because his car was in the driveway and the living room light was on. Setting down her keys and work badge she stepped out of her shoes and hang her jacket on the coat hook before advancing. Heat shot through Morrigan’s body as the sound of her heart beating started to burn in her ears. Morrigan’s russet colored eyes set on the scene before her. Upon approaching the entryway that wooden box was staring back from the coffee table.  Open with all its contents laid out. 7 Passports, at least 8 various forms of currency, Driver’s Licenses from every state they’ve visited in the last 2 years, 3 flash drives and a 357 Magnum with ammo. By time she finally laid eyes on Erik he was already looking at her. He was no doubt gauging Morrigan’s reaction this whole time. Waiting for a sign.

“Welcome home! How’s Tracy?”

Morrigan swallowed hard at the mention of her friend’s name. He smirked as he continued to rattle off names of people that frequented all the places she’d been recently. Growing more confused. The tone Erik spoke with was very off-putting. The universal signifier of ‘I know something you don’t know’. Hauntingly calm. Morrigan grabbed her arms; rubbing her thumbs over her shoulders as she lightly shook from the chill it gave her. He noticed it all. “Hasn’t felt like home for awhile now.”

“You wanna know what gave you away?” He questioned, leaning forward elbows rested on knees. He turned his head in her direction before cocking an eyebrow. Silently demanding a verbal response.

Fingering her plump bottom lip, “It was the kiss.” If a kiss were what you’d actually call it. Compared to how it normally was that kiss was the equivalent to the forced cheek peck a teenager gives their mom with one foot out the door. Morrigan couldn’t wait to get away from him. Just like right now.

“Good girl. What else you find?”

“Nothing, really.”

“That’s kinda funny cuz somethin’s missin’.”

“Trust? Honesty? Transparency?”

“Where’s the flash drive Morrigan?”

“They’re right there, Erik.”

Erik crashed his fists into the coffee table causing some of the items to flip about and topple to the floor. A part of him had grown fond of having Morrigan around. That was the only thing keeping Erik from going full-blown Killmonger. He bore his teeth like an animal, nostrils flaring as he asked one more time for the item in question.

“Oh! You mean this?” Morrigan questioned as she as she pulled the flash drive from inside her bra. Before tossing it over the table right into his lap sitting in the chair across from Erik and mirroring his posture. Legs spread, elbows rested on knees with head cocked to the side. While Morrigan wore a giant smile as Erik stared back with a look of confusion. He couldn’t figure out for the life of him what she was smiling about.

“So tell me, Erik. Why me?”

“The shoes. That’s the day I knew I had you. I left them at your old place while I was away. I came back for them but you’d already left for work. When I grabbed them I noticed that you had drawn a heart in the dust that settled on them.”

“The fact that you never mentioned it is how we knew I got you.”

“We?”

“Don’t worry N’Jadaka. Everyone has a weakness.” Morrigan offered as she sat back relaxing in the chair crossing her legs still wearing that smile. Finally the fun begins Morrigan thought to herself, waiting for Erik to make his move.

A/N: Questions, comments, theories, and anger welcome 😈

Tags: @savagesensitivity @cancerianprincess @another-imaginesblog @loosewindmill @bidibidibombaclaat @muse-of-mbaku @chaneajoyyy @itsangeludaku @eriknutinthispoosy @im5ftbutmythroat66 @theunsweetenedtruth @blackpinup22 @fonville-designs @wawakanda-btch @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @nickidub718

[canaryatlaw]

Today was....ugh. I mean it was mostly fine but I'm just in a rotten mood right now because of a few circumstances. But we'll start from the top (like we always do). Alarm goes off at 7 am, I manage to get out of bed even though it's gross and rainy and literally my least favorite type of weather, it's not like I really have a choice at this point. Gotta get those damn hours in. So I make it to work without incident (I came very close to getting through the metal detector without it going off....I swear it was like a second delayed. One day) then when I got up to my office I quickly finished off the timeline I was working up for the polish kidnapped twins (I'm not gonna take the time to explain that right here, so Tuesday night's post if you'd like to know more) mainly just adding the doctors report, then gave that to the lawyer, and then was effectively out of work. So I told everyone that and just like, hung out for a while to make sure they knew haha but nobody really had anything for me so I shrugged and said okay, I'll work on trial ad, which was a good move. I never really know where I'm gonna go with these things when I sit down to write them, which is true for a lot of the things I write. Some of it is basically done for you if you have a deposition transcript or something similar, but crosses are still different and such. So I got the direct and cross mainly hammered out throughout the day and I'm pretty satisfied with them. The case is being charged as first degree murder, and the defense is putting up a justifiable self defense defense, but the facts of the case very much indicate that it's actually a second degree unreasonable self defense case (which is when a person has a genuine belief their life was in danger, but that belief was objectively unreasonable). But we have to argue our side and why it shouldn't go to the other, so it's interesting. But yeah, I messaged my partner back and forth for a while and we got some good stuff done. I also had some inspiration to go to the stans donuts website and write to them about the incident I witnessed there about 3 weeks ago now. The inspiration came from a Facebook friend who wrote into the "not your mother's" brand of hair products about how their labeling saying "you have so much shopping and everything to get done how would you have time to shampoo your hair??" and pointing out the people really in need of the products are those that don't have the time to wash their hair because they're working very hard to make a name for themselves, and the company actually loved the idea and are now changing the message on all of their products, which is like, super awesome. So it somehow gave me the idea to report the incident. I tried to make it very clear that I did not want to get any fired or in trouble here, and that I genuinely think the male workers just didn't know any better, and that's the issue I have. So I told them what happened and how disturbed I was by it, and how I very strongly felt that if there was a female employee present there is no way in hell she would've let them kick the girl out. So I really just encouraged them to share this kind of stuff with their male employees so they can actually recognize this kind of situation and not throw someone out because they were "causing trouble" when really they were the victim of harassment and you just threw them out right to where their abuser was. So I felt good about that. Somewhere in the afternoon I got an assignment to look up cases and statutes in an old motion they were using as a template for a new one, and wanted to make sure all the case law and statutes are still valid law (the legal term for this, for some strange reason, is called "shephardizing"). So I basically went through and came up with a detailed list of the cases their cases had cited to and such, and I thought it was pretty well done. Around 4 I heard we were getting a TC in right now because our courtroom was on "duty" week, which means they stay up all afternoon to handle any cases that would've gone to a different calendar but that one is down for the day already. It was just a stip because the mom couldn't get her lawyer there, so it without TC without prejudice (meaning they can re-litigate it in the future, but they have to take TC within 48 hours of taking PC so it's somewhat frequent to do it that way). The petition was something alright, it was like, substance abuse, BITING YOUR CHILDREN and a bunch of other bizarre things that the correct legal term for is "yikes." She also messed up her children's birth dates when going over them with the ASA....whoops. So that was mildly entertaining at least. So when that was mostly over I went back upstairs and put the finishing touches on what I was working on and sent it over before heading out. Oh, I forgot to mention, my back has been insanely killing me for the past 24 hours or so, to the point where I had to take my heating pad to work with me today because I knew there would be no way I could even function without it because it's just so damn bad. Ugh. So for that reason I did not go to kickboxing, which of course I already expressed my annoyance at the other night, so I just went to Starbucks instead and started typing up my opening statement. It's so funny, cuz I sit down at the computer and just type "opening statement" as the title with no idea what I actually want to write, but then my brain just goes, and a couple minutes later I have some well-crafted paragraphs with a solid theme running through. The whole thing about this case is the victim was this bigger guy and the defendant is smaller, so you know the defense is gonna be all about how much bigger he was and how much he feared for his safety, so I decided the best way to rebut that narrative was to turn it on its head and go with the "big lovable teddy bear" persona instead. I decided that instead of being called "William Jones" his friends called him "Willie" and will proceed to only refer to him as that for the entire trial, just because I know that kind of shit endears people and it works very well, lol. So I got this whole thing worked up about how the defendant thought that just because of his size he had to be a threat to him, and he was a threat he was going to eliminate, by any means necessary. I think it's a fairly good way to flip the other narrative to make it work to our advantage. I almost wished I could've brought race into the problem, but none of the races of the parties were specified and I think it would've been wayyyyyy stepping over the line to pull out of thin air that the victim was black and the defendant was white so I could make my narrative about prejudice against the "big scary black guy" who was really just a big sweetheart. I recognize that that would've been way out of bounds though so I didn't go anywhere near it. A little past 7 I start walking over to church for small group, only for one of my small group leaders to pull up to the curb in her car and drive me the rest of the way, lol. We had a bit of confusion at the beginning because the church is like going nuts getting ready for Easter (I shit you not, they have a like, 8 food tall paper mache carrot in the kids section and I have no idea why) and the rooms were being cleaned so we got shuffled around a bit but eventually ended up in our regular room. The guy I was talking about last week was there of course, and we didn't get to talk quite as much, but there was definitely an undercurrent of something going on there, and I started like teasing him lightly and just kind of laughing and idk, it's just nice. Like if it doesn't go anywhere I won't really be disappointed, but it would be cool if it does. I just don't want to get my hopes up over nothing, not this early at least. I had like, a really hard time focusing in small group today for some reason I can't identify, but we talked about the similarities in the stories of Cain and Isaac which I thought was interesting because you never see Cain portrayed through any sort of redemptive arc, and he never really achieves redemption in the story, but God does give him another chance. And we talked about why God would've liked Abel's sacrifice and rejected Cain's, and all I could think of was that I was definitely told as a child in Sunday school it had something to do with God wanting sacrifices in meat, not fruit and vegetables and that's not exactly in the bible haha so that was interesting. It was a "knowing God" week which are great of course, but I really love the "loving others" weeks because you know that's kind of my thing. But anyway. We ended, I walk down to the blue line station and get onto the train, anddddd here's where everything starts to fall to shit. As soon as I sit down I'm aware I'm being watched, but I just ignore it and try to do my own thing, but pretty soon this guy is trying to get my attention, and just how he's looking at me makes me immediately uncomfortable. I knew, unfortunately, where this was going. So he starts telling me how pretty I am and I try to just be like "thanks" and turn back away but then he starts saying how he doesn't see a ring on my finger and I was like "uh no, I'm not married" at which point he takes it upon himself to move into the seat right next to me and is literally inches away from me and okay I am VERY uncomfortable at this point. So I go with my one tried and true excuse, and just blurted out "I do have a boyfriend though" (which, of course, I don't). But, thankfully, that did the trick and he backed off, but he made it VERY clear that was the only reason he was doing so, because he didn't want to cause any trouble with my "boyfriend," otherwise we could be together. And I'm just sitting there so ridiculously uncomfortable and while all of this is happening, there are other people in the car. I make eye contact with a few of them when he's right next to me and I'm certain the panic was very clear in my face, but not one even batted an eye to do anything about it and I just.....god, I hate that so much. I hate that I have this picture of myself in my mind telling any guy to fuck off if he tries to do anything, but then when something actually happens, I turn into a scared little girl who just tries to appease him in the easiest way to get out of the situation. Like goddammit, I should be better than this. I'm a feminist, dammit. I shouldn't have to resort to telling a man I have a boyfriend to get him to back off, I should assert that I'm not interested and that's enough. But I didn't, and I kind of hate myself for it. Next time, maybe. It depends on the context too of course, how many people are actually around, so if the guy decides he doesn't like my answer he can't somehow grab me without anyone seeing. The other question it brought to my mind has to do with intersectional feminism, and it is admittedly something that's been brought to my head on several occasions lately- that when a man makes me uncomfortable, does it have to do with his race? It's not like white men never make me feel uncomfortable, they do plenty of the time. But sometimes when a black man makes me feel uncomfortable I feel a stab of guilt somewhere that that probably has to do with a racist view I have somewhere deep down, but like, I don't know, I don't think race is the determining factor but it might be there?? And of course I don't want that. But then I'm faced with situations like tonight where the man who was harassing me was black. What does a white feminist do while being harassed by a black male? How does intersectionality work here? This is me genuinely asking, because I'm just not sure how I'm supposed to feel about any of this. Like should I not have as much feelings of misogyny about the situation as I would if it were a white man? I'm totally convinced I would've been just as uncomfortable if it had been a white man. I just....I don't know. I don't have any answers, just lots of questions. Sigh. I was going to switch compartments at the next stop but thankfully the guy got off instead and I breathed a big sigh of relief (while sparing a glare for those who sat through the incident and did nothing). When we make it to my stop, the bus is "delayed" 2 miles ago like it was two weeks ago with no telling how long it'll be delayed, and after all that I was like nope fuck this shit, so I just get a Lyft home because I'm tired and upset and my back hurts and I just want to go home, dammit. When I did get home I watched the episode of powerless I had recorded while I was on my computer and shortly after started getting ready for bed, and that was my day. I'm just......gah. I'm so frustrated. With men, with society, with myself for not being as strong as I pretend to be. I'm just so frustrated. But anyway. Sleep is definitely needed about now, so I'm gonna go do that. Goodnight my dears. Rest well.

[miss-pettigrew]

(1)a BUNCH of long asks coming your way, i'm so sorry I just love discussing KS with other people so I run my keyboard down lol.... so I finally read your latest post on KS. Anyway, I thought it was mind blowing on the point that the current story is almost always being narrated by Bum, so perhaps all the images are in Bum's perspective--which makes complete sense to why Sangwoo is always 'yaoi' sized compared to poorlittle Bum. I threw my hands up in surrender to you after that paragraph

Firstly,here’s the rest of the asks: 

To move onto my question, actual penetration seems to be the next step between Bum and Sangwoo in their 'physical relationship'. But part of me thinks that Sangwoo will never do it with Bum. Many times in the past chapters, Sangwoo has expressed dislike for homosexuals. Hell, he even dresses Bum as a country gal to (imo) remove any masculinity from Bum and sort of 'project' this image that Sangwoo is holding hostage a woman, not a man (imo again). 

There was only one time (I think) during a sexual act when Bum and Sangwoo exposed their dicks to each other, which was that one BJ scene where Bum gets Sangwoo off and pulls out his own dick. Honestly I can't remember if that was accurate or not cuz it's very hard for me to read those earlier chapters (I get so nervous and disturbed omfg). But going back to that BJ scene, Bum is still dressed like a girl as well.

So for my question (finally) I know you said that Sangwoo will /most likely/ give Bum some sort of sexual reward after all this, but do you think that Sangwoo will some how 'feminine Bum' in order to justify their sexual acts? Perhaps slapping that bra onto Bum?? Another question that just came into my mind was this.. it's goes back to your point about how Sangwoo looks so much bigger and whatnot.

You've said that you're not a sensitive person in your post and I also agree with that for myself. I've seen a lot of things in the past and I don't get too affected by it all. I usually can shrug off things pretty easily. But what I can't shrug off is rereading those earlier chapters.

As I stated in my past question, I get deeply disturbed and really anxious even /thinking/ about the situation that Bum is going through (don't get me started with the arc where Sangwoo was acting kind to Bum--I was hyperventilating the entire time). Do you think that because the story is most likely viewed through Bum's eyes, that the anxiety and panic or any emotion anyone gets when reading these chapters is a mirror to Bum's?

It's probably an obvious answer but I'm curious to reading your response. And also, if you believe that it is a mirror, what about during the short time Ji Eun took control of the narration? Is there something different? Sorry again if these are stupidly long asks and that I spammed you with all of them, but you pose such good analysis that I feel like I wanna dive deep with you on it as well LOL... ANYWAY THAT'S IT I'M GONE NOW LOL.

Secondly - hehe, thank you! I really am enjoying this even if it is slightly embarrassing how much I think about all this stuff. It’s interesting because nowadays I don’t normally need to wait for anything - media wise (except videos games but that’s on me). Like, with Netflix, all the episodes come out at one time and there’s no time for speculation or analysis. Until YOI, I hadn’t waited on anything, so I found myself reading a lot of meta and analysis and I guess I figured this is the time to get involved and do my own.

Thirdly, this is a great ask, and there’s stuff in here I hadn’t really thought about and there stuff in here that I have so I’ll do my best with both of those.

So that next step question? It’s an interesting one, and one that I don’t have any final opinion on, but rather a few directions I could see where it could go. Because you’re right, Sangwoo is homophobic and that does manifest in the sexual encounters with Bum. And yet, he also just clearly doesn’t give a fuck as long as he’s getting something out of it. So it’s a very unique mindset to be in when it comes to sex. Because nothing outside of how Sangwoo thinks, feels or reacts matters. He’s not completely homophobic because society, as a whole, tends to be homophobic. But because he sees it as a... difference? weakness? something to take advantage of and look down on. Like for him, it’s just so weird that this little freak likes men wow he’s such a freak but that also this freak surprises me and will do anything for me and I’m into it.

So the panel that keeps coming to mine is the “have you even had sex yes” panel with the dildo. And that concerns me because, well for one, Bum has had sex - and I don’t think a single time has that sex been consensual - just rape. And he and SANGWOO have had sex? And I sort of talked about this before, but clearly Sangwoo doesn’t consider what they’ve as “sex” despite it definitely being yes. So maybe he’s just one of those penetration=sex or maybe what he and Bum are is completely outside of anything he would normally define. I’m not sure. 

So, my concerns lie in how does Sangwoo expect Bum to participate in this sexual portion of the murder? If he involved Bum as anything more than shock value for Jieun or will he try to have him lose his supposed virginity? Eh, probably not but maybe. And I realize I’m not answering your actual question here so let me get to a point.

I, personally, hope that “penetrative sex” is not the next step in their sexual relationship. Now - or ever. Because Sangwoo will hurt Bum. There is no gosh darn way he knows how to sleep with other men. He’s probably never even heard of lube - women are supposed to be doing all the work for him here. Plus, prep and going slow, like we have literally just seen how little time or care he takes when sleeping with someone because with Jieun he sort of just gets right in there - at least according to my reading of their intercourse. Time is a funny thing when it comes to sex scenes though. But, to get to your point, penetrative sex sort of makes sense when it comes to Sangwoo and his idea of power and control and homophobia. He simply wants to Bum submitting to him. That’s really what any sort of sexual interaction with Bum requires, I think? 

But you bring up a good, and interesting point. Bum has never been sexually naked in front of Sangwoo. And I think that’s on purpose. But not necessarily because Bum being naked would remind Sangwoo that he’s in fact, a man, but he had no problems messing around with his flat chest before. So the lack of boobs aren’t an issue. Instead, it might be more, he just doesn’t consider Bum’s pleasure a priority. He just assumes Bum’s gonna get all the pleasure he needs out of pleasing Sangwoo and that’s not really Sangwoo’s priority to solve.

So if he and Bum do have sex again post-Jieun (and I expect they will) it’s important to note that it’s not really a “reward” for Bum. But rather something Sangwoo will want to do because he feels close and intimate with Bum and wants to get his rocks off again, and Bum is expected to go along for the ride. And that’s the thesis of this. I’m so sorry how much I ramble. I guess, in short, the feminization won’t really... come into play here? Or rather it will but because submission is the key.

To your second question, I’ll put the thesis right up front.

AB-SO-FREAKING-LUTELY. Like, y’all, that’s the entire point of reading this story. And that’s why I started off my whole meta series over how GOOD Koogi is as a story-teller because she does a near flawless job of getting you into Bum’s head/mind without you having a single clue. Why were we all so upset at Sangwoo sleeping with Jieun? I even admitted if gave me the actual feeling of that time I was cheated on because for us, we had just been cheated on too, through Bum. Even though, taking even half a step back - um, they are not in a romantic, consensual, healthy relationship. Sangwoo can and will have sex with whomever we wants. But for Bum, not one whole chapter ago he made Sangwoo tell him what he and Jieun had done together. And for him, his assurance that Sangwoo had not slept with Jieun has been both betrayed and thrown right in his face, can we’re only getting a taste of that betrayal. Bum is breaking, and we are along with him. 

I can’t decide if I think Bum knows what’s coming. If he’s going to have to help kill her. I have a feeling he doesn’t, especially now when the fact he’s watching Sangwoo sleep with her is all he’ll be able to process, and obsess, and destroy himself over. 

Every step of the way, we are meant to feel a little what Bum feels. That’s good, psychological horror at its finest. All of our sane rational selves know that this story is horrific, and abusive and something none of us would want any real part of. But hip hip hooray this is fiction and the point of fiction is to explore parts of ourselves (and I mean this holistically, like us a species) in situations and relationships and terror that we hope  to never find ourselves in. That’s why humans have told stories since the dawn of time (and to like, pass down history and shit but you get my point).

And as far as Jieun, I mentioned it briefly before, but Jieun is 10000000% a foil/mirror for Bum. Break down their roles in the narrative and they are the EXACT. SAME. PERSON. Both love(d) Sangwoo, they’re devoted to him. They WANT him. Both have consciously placed themselves right into Sangwoo’s hands. And like, think about that dinner scene. People are making such a fuss because Jieun is being “mean” to Bum. But she’s acting like literally anyone would. She’s acting like Bum would if the roles were reversed. Nevermind, she’s acting like Bum IS ACTING because they’re both jealous, and possessive and wanting Sangwoo’s attention and affection. 

We got into her head because narratively, we’re basically still in Bum’s. No, Jieun and Bum are not the same person. But the distinction we’re meant to see, I theorize, will be the moment when Jieun finds out who Sangwoo really is. I seriously doubt she’ll react like Bum did. I imagine she’ll reject Sangwoo instead of getting on her knees and confessing love for him - like she even has the opportunity. 

I admit to being a little bit disturbed by the fandom’s overall reaction to Jieun. But in the same note, I doubt most are stepping back to see her as a mirror to Bum because Bum doesn’t see that. He sees her as a threat to him and to his relationship with Sangwoo. So I get the defensiveness on the part of the fandom, especially since most of y’all seem to be pretty young and it’s hard for your brains to take a step back. Hope that doesn’t offend, but it’s true because I was a teenager once too and I know what it’s like. lol.

This was long, but it’s also sort of my brand. Hope this was good!