#which is a: unfortunate for me bc i had the idea long before that podcast but i now worry it will come across as an imitation

[nat-20s]

Logically I know that you shouldn't do creative work (such as a podcast) in order to become a peer with other creatives but also like oooooo there are so many creatives I'd love to actually interact with oooo I'd love to collab on something OOOOO I would love to have a voice actor that I know from another podcast in my own podcast

[a-canceled-stamp]

20 Questions for Writers

Thank you @motleyfam, @crows-murder and @selkienight60 for the tags! ^.^

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

22

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

157,488

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly DC, but Star Wars, Marvel, Malevolent (Podcast), Good Omens, and MHA make appearances too.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Long Way Down (To The Bottom Of The River)

Then Came the Morning

A Leap of Faith

Talk To Me

There Are Softer Oak Trees

5. Do you respond to comments?

I used to respond to every comment fairly quickly but recently I just haven't had the time :(( I appreciate every single comment though, they bring me such joy 🥹

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

That would be cardboard box - the first (sort of) hurt no comfort I've written >:D

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably There Are Softer Oak Trees :)))

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do!!!! Or...I'm giving it a shot at least. Not for DC, but for Malevolent. Might post something real soon :3

10. Do you write crossovers?

Nope!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I didn't even know this was a thing before today. That being said, I don't think so??

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I would love to collab sometime :3

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I cannot pick one because I don't really have A favorite. But Stucky (Marvel), DinLuke (Star Wars), Merthur (Merlin), SuperBat (DC), TimKon (DC) and Science Girlfriends (Orphan Black) are all ships I enjoy.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

Dying Is Easy, Living Is Harder. I have many ideas for it but unfortunately, I'm not obsessed enough about the characters to fulfill them lmao. Also An Unexpected Visit bc similar to the previous one I have a lot of ideas, but I just don't think I am talented enough to actually write those ideas.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've rewritten this answer 10 times, but no version felt right. At one point, I decided I was just gonna skip it. BUT NO. I'm gonna stop worrying about other peepz opinions and just say what I actually believe. And here it is.

I know how to make my writing more immersive with various details like sounds, smells, sensations etc. (and I LOVE doing this. The only issue is I sometimes do it either too much or too little ahdjkhsd)

I am VERY nitpicky. This can seem more like a flaw (and it is), but it has also helped me grow and understand what I like and dislike about my writing. It also means I spend a lot of time editing which makes posting SO much more satisfying (tho sometimes I gotta get those shorter fics out there for the instant serotonin boost lol)

I'm not a huge fan of characters who say/do things that don't make sense considering the genre/plot. Spending more time on this is challenging since I both dislike and SUCK at writing dialogue (why is English so HARD??), but it is also a lot of fun bc I think I am getting better at it.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Well, that part about being nitpicky is obviously a lie bc I didn't realize question 17 was gone ahdjshdkj. But I was the one who noticed it first among my friends so...maybe? Nope lol

English grammar. I have to double check every time I write a message to online friends to make sure what I've written is actually a sentence that makes sense.The thing is - I think I'm pretty good, but I actually suck. One time, I wrote mold wine instead of mulled wine in a fic. Never living that down. This is I think why it takes me so long to edit lmao.

Being too harsh on myself and not allowing myself to feel proud about my accomplishments/comparing my writing to other people. Yes, compared to other fantastic writers I suck, and it will always be like that. It's something I'm still struggling to accept, but I'm getting there!

Writing quickly. Like shutting off my brain and just writing doesn't work for me. I have to be there and edit every single sentence that I don't like, and I think this is why it takes so long for me to finish the first draft. Def gotta work on this!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Hmm. Instinctively, I think it makes more sense to write something like, "Person A said something in a language I didn't understand" than to write in that language. It's more fun that way. And if both the pov character and I don't understand what Person A saying it makes me sympathize with the pov character more.

That being said, if I ever see someone writing in Swedish in a fic, I will be immensely happy (and horrified)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Rise of the Guardians on ffn. The fic is still there and is still hot garbage, but I did have a lot of fun writing it.

20. Favourite fic you've written?

I know what my LEAST favorite one is hjkahdsjk. Nah but for real, I love all my fics for very specific reasons. Like I have a sort of emotional connection with all of them depending on where I was in life, how I was feeling emotionally at the time, etc.

My top 3 would probably be Long Way Down (To The Bottom Of The River) bc it was the first fic I put a lot of thought and effort into, There Are Softer Oak Trees bc it makes me soft and fuzzy when I think about it, and cardboard box bc the comments made me fkn cackle.

It feels impossible to tag people who haven't been tagged yet but imma go with @miles2g0, @lurkinglurkerwholurks, @they-reap-what-we-sow, @liverobinreaction, and @bonesbuckleup. No pressure ofc!

[exquisiteagony]

i was tagged by @pastlink! thank you!!!

rules: list your top 5 favourites of your fics, what they're about, and why you're proud of them, then tag some fic authors to do the same!

this got long so it’s under the cut

1. ‘i’ll tear you apart’

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29901996/chapters/73591080

summary: To most, a butcher’s work was messy. Crude. Unrefined. For the ordinary person - however much of a relative concept ordinary way - to butcher something was to fuck it up in a manner unclean and unrepairable.

this is the first dead dove fic i ever wrote! it was inspired by a photoshoot wednesday 13 did dressed as a butcher, and to this day its still perhaps the nastiest thing i’ve ever written! i remember writing it at a rather unfortunate moment, and certainly some of the aspects of it were written out of spite, but i still adore it!

2. ‘carnival days’

https://archiveofourown.org/works/35199232

summary: “I still don’t like this,” Joel said quietly as they watched the gates open for them.

The Carnival was perhaps one of the strangest places Johnny had told them about. He’d spoken of it like it was something miraculous and contradictory, intangible despite the assault on the senses, feeling eternal and yet somehow as brief as a mayfly.

inspired by the shiraz lane song, as well as the book ‘the night circus’ i think this is one of my best fics to date. i was trying to create a vibe of wonder with some underlying creepiness, and i’m still so happy with how it turned out!

3. ‘prometheus into the flesh you carve the pledge’

https://archiveofourown.org/works/35963878

summary: Niko took a steadying breath as he raised the shotgun to his shoulder, the weight of it against him almost comforting. It was so cold the air hurt his lungs, but he’d only have one shot at this. The deer was too large for him to be able to take it down with an arrow, but the shotgun was so loud, and the deer so easily spooked. Running after it would be a waste of energy, and going at a more leisurely pace would run the risk of something else deciding that deer would make a tasty supper.

And the more shots he fired, the easier it would be for the crows to find him.

this was inspired by a rob zombie song, ���crow killer blues’. i had it plotted out for a short while before i sat down to actually write it, and wound up developing an au i now have two sequels planned for. it’s certainly got one of my lower hit counts joel moment sorry but i think it’s some of my best work

4. ‘salvation a far cry which i will return’

https://archiveofourown.org/works/40570605

summary: Pelle held his breath so it didn’t mist the air, barely daring to blink lest something happened during that brief moment when his eyes were closed. Beneath him, the cold of the snow began to seep in through the layers of his furs, and Øystein’s weight above him was firm, pinning him down with as much mercy as the hard, wintry ground.

Øystein’s hair hung down, tangled with twigs and dark and lank, the strands clumped and feathery.

recently i’ve been feeling a bit burnt out and frustrated with my bc works, so i decided to take a mini break from them. i didn’t want to completely stop writing, however, so i started writing for mayhem on a whim after listening to a podcast episode. the little break has helped a lot, and i came up with some ideas i never would have without it, this being one of them. i’d probably lump it with the ‘prometheus…’ fic in terms of vibe, just a little bit creepier

5. ‘blooddrunk you call me insane, degenerate blooddrunk with a razorblade’

https://archiveofourown.org/works/36665743

summary: Niko Vilhelm was reviled in vampire circles, and for good reason.

Vampire hunters were infamous in vampire circles anyway, because no vampire looked forward to what awaited them after death, but Vilhelm had a particular reputation for cruelty.

who knew that a children of bodom song would inspire perhaps my greatest au? born out of a crappy mood like some of my other nasty fics, ‘blooddrunk…’ is one of my best fics to date. whilst i don’t think it’s my first time writing torture or vampires, it was the first time i’ve written actual major death, and i left it on a purposeful cliffhanger, not expecting febuwhump to give me the inspiration to make it the expanding series it currently is!

and a special mention to ‘belladonna and aconite’ (https://archiveofourown.org/works/38767368/chapters/96934908) for being my longest fic to date, and the first time i’ve really written original characters and have them play a major part. this fic ties some loose threads together and sets up the next few fics, all from the point of view of shiraz lane!

and a final shoutout to my murder channel series (https://archiveofourown.org/series/2556715) for being my first favourite project in the bc fandom! it’s been a fun journey to write it, and whilst i’m sad to see that journey come to an end, it’s pretty much fun it’s course

tagging @outcastedang3l , and as far as i know everyone else has now been tagged, so i’ll leave this open for anyone who hasn’t been tagged but still wants to participate!

[practicalmagicintuitions]

“The fates lead the willing and drag the unwilling”

I was thinking about that last MT podcast HC had when he mentioned stoicism and a book I have but I haven’t read yet. So I decided to deep dive in a little bit because I studied philosophy at the university at a very basic level but I always wanted to know more, so this seems a good occasion. I am also interested in what HC could see in this philosophy school. I think we all know at this point he is interested in things that interest his people, not necessarily him or he is dropping ideas, new things fast. So one part of this will be a summary of stoicism because I feel many people have misconceptions or don’t know what is this just saying this is sh*t even don’t have the slightest idea about it. The other part will be a little HC armchair analysis by me throughout this topic. And I also decided to read the book he mentioned - Viktor E. Frankl Man's Search for Meaning - and maybe I will walk through it or give you a summary if you interested. 

Bare with me, because this turned out to be long, but I had to get out his from my system.

Not soon after the pandemic and the lockdown started in 2020 Penguin Random House said the print sales of Marcus Antonius’s Meditations are up 28% for the first quarter of 2020 vs 2019, while print sales of Letters from a Stoic are up 42% for the same period. The ebook sales rose by 356% . This boom was because of the pandemic but the popularity of modern stoicism has been an upcoming thing for a while especially since people like Bill Gates or Warren Buffet allegedly used stoicism in their business and Thomas Kaplan is supporting a Stoicism Course at Brown University. But unfortunately, modern stoicism has become kind of a ready-made lifehack, a self-helping method, that’s why books like Ryan Holiday’s one could be published and becomes a success. This is where I see modern stoicism’s faults. 

Stoicism seems a good school to support or to follow in the pandemic because this is about we have to accept the things we have no control over. Probably that’s why the sales went up. This is about don’t letting uncontrollable things or events messing with your judgment and clarity. Fear, screams, panic, rages don’t help. And I think we can agree this is true. Aurelius wrote his Meditations in the middle of a battle when his men were dying not just because of the fights but because of a pox epidemic and top of that he was an Emperor. So to maintain his sanity he had become a stoic. He didn’t have an influence on the epidemic so he just accept it and didn’t spend his energy raging about it. 

Stoicism was founded by Zenon around 300 BC. And it was a thriving and popular school without huge wars or pandemics or anything. Back then it was not a reaction to something but a preparation for something. More directly prepare yourself the thing you cannot be prepared for. And probably this is the OG stoicism most valuable teaching that there are events in this world we simply cannot control. What we can control however how we react to those events. Are we remain calm or think this is a catastrophe. Let see a very basic example. We are mortals, we will die no matter what. This is a sure event we have no control over. What we can control that our view on this. Will we panic? Refuse to even talk about death or refuse to make a will because “OMG I will die then!!” Like spoiler alert, it will happen, will or no will. Or we understand our time is limited and try to enjoy it and not see smaller inconveniences are tragedies. I am sure we all know people who think if they spill themselves over with coffee or the handle of the grocery’s bag comes off it’s a pure tragedy and they are capable of thinking about this all day as something it is happening with them always an exclusively. 

Until this, I think it’s all good we can use this in our daily life. What is dangerous in the OG stoicism is that the stricter wing of it thought emotions as a whole or almost all of it cause confusion so you basically should eliminate emotions to have that clarity on life. That’s why Diogenes wrote that the wise is emotionless. And this is the main and very valid criticism again stoics, that with taking away the emotions they basically ripping of humans from something very unique valuable, important, because our emotions make us humans. And because living totally emotionless is kinda impossible this goal is not realistic, so it causes many frustrations ( oh my... even more emotions!) Because think about it, who are described as emotionless? Psychopaths. 

You have cases, events, when your emotions, even overflowing ones are right and acceptable and suppressing them, could be dangerous. Because realistic or not Marcus Aurelius and Seneca and the other stoics idea was not just watching the world and letting things happen, shrugging a shoulder and say nothing, no! Their philosophy and aim were to eliminate the bothering things which not let you think calmly. And since we are talking about philosophy the reality of this in practice is secondary. Critics also think ( and maybe the modern stoicism is going in this direction) that a hardcore stoics care only about themself and their egos while Seneca says friendships are important and in general most stoics accepted positive feelings (to a certain extent).

Stoicism comes back to life mostly in psychotherapy around 1900 by Paul Dubois ( before him there was another new wave of stoicism in the 16th century) and that’s where Victor E Frankle is connected to this topic. I haven’t read his book yet but I know his method is called logotherapy (logos= meaning) and this was born in the deepest existential crisis when his whole family was killed in a concentration camp and he felt he had remained only one personal freedom, the way how he reacts to the circumstances. Frankle invented his own method so he is not just planted some ancient in the modern world but he in fact thought Socrates and his philosophy is his inspiration. I won’t talk about this more until I read his book. 

* I wanted to listen to the whole podcast again, but I couldn’t so I just went to the part we care about now.

So they are talking about morning routines and he mention that one of his teachers in primary school said to him “Always expect the unexpected” This is pure stoicism and while I am not suggesting he is lying I noticed he likes to blend his current interest with his childhood memories like when he said at the WitcherCon how they had to build a fantasy castle in the school (or something) and this was such good preparation for him because he has a fantasy series now. Convenient right?

So he mentioned the teacher and a little later hinting that he is into stoicism lately. Question is, which comes first? The teacher with the stoic idea or the stoicism as a new interest somehow repainted his childhood memories? 

Then he again is talking about the stoic’s way of control. Or does he? 

“ focusing on the thing you can control and make yourself better to control them” 

This was never part of the OG philosophy because that is not about being a control freak. It is actually the opposite. If you cannot control something let it go, not force things to go on your way and if you failed then you let go. 

The next part it’s not about this topic but I have to mention it because I kinda overlooked it when I listed this at the first time.

He is asked about the fitness industry’s mistakes and he said

“I wouldn’t be the kinda person to point my finger at anyone and say there is a big mistake there…. I wouldn’t ever want to point to finger at anyone saying there is a mistake ���

So… should I insert the FO post here? And I know the question and the answer was about fitness but he clearly has no problem pointing fingers at people. 

This leads to us again to the control topic. His FO post is creaming about controlling. “ You don’t like the way I am dating? You don’t like I have a covid romance? Then I will tell you what to do and how to behave because I need to have control over my fandom”

When the host asked him about overcoming obstacles he mention the book - Victor E. Frankl Man's Search for Meaning. (he also said it’s difficult to give advice…)

While he is talking about the book (and for me, it’s clear that the host doesn’t give a damn about this) so HC’s whole tone is changed. Just compare when he is talking about MT and training and so on, he is so irritating and unlistenable but here he is calmer, doesn’t use his voice so expressively, doesn’t emphasise that much in a sentence etc. This to me shows he is actually craving after something more, something deeper, something serious. Not just talking about his ties and blueberry smoothies. I don’t think is dumb (I think he has dumb choices thought) I think he could be more both as an actor both as an individual because when he was talking about the book I felt he has a true, genuine interest and it was a one-second opportunity to talk about something interesting not just fart powder.  

I feel his interest in stoicism is an attempt to validate why he is oppressing his feelings. I am sure he does this because he is uncomfortable with his feelings, past and present. For example, I think instead of the bullying his main trauma is being sent away from home to a boarding school and experiencing cold treatment from his mom (the infamous stop calling story). But he oppressing this because I guess all of his brothers he is looking up to loves their mom and he feels he needs to be a good son but questioning his mom means he is a bad one. So instead of admitting that he is hurt and damaged by it he is saying the bullying was his worst experience. 

This means to me he doesn’t understand stoicism, ancient or modern he just wants and moreover, he needs something he can hold and cling to, something that gave himself meaning. As a book’s title says: Man’s search for meaning. And I feel HC does this maybe a little bit desperately. Searching for the answers and this moment he thinks stoicism is the key to finding what he is looking for while in reality, the main problem is he doesn’t ask the right questions. And without them, he won’t find any answer. Or meaning. 

Title quote from Seneca

[kae-karo]

fic writer interview!

i saw @prince-liest do this and thus i will take ur 'tagging anyone who wants to do this' seriously lmaoooo (also hi btw hope ur well!!! 💜💜)

How many works do you have on AO3?

ahaha,,,,,159 lmao

What's your total AO3 word count?

fdsjkkjlsfdklj as of today, 2,089,769

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

only three fsdjkldslfkj the phandom (dan&phil), bnha, and genshin!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

chosen (x) - zhongchi (genshin)

to love (and be loved in return) (x) - kaeluc (genshin)

little bird (x) - dabihawks (bnha)

feet don't touch the ground (x) - xiaoven (genshin)

i knew you were fire (x) - dabihawks (bnha)

honestly none of that surprises me except that little bird is still up there, although i think i owe that to sif (@the-final-sif) for sharing it around the time it got posted since it was partly inspired by her raptor stress grip post!!

the rest are all chaptered fics, which is mostly what i expected to be in the top 5 lmao

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

yes!!! always!!!! no matter what u comment, i will respond!!! and if i don't, it's probably cause ao3 didn't notify me properly or i didn't see it in my inbox or something

as for why, it's mostly to do with like...i know how hard it can be for some people to comment, even just a bunch of heart emojis or a 'i loved this!' or something short and simple? and it means a lot to me that ppl are going out of their way to say something nice, no matter how small, and it's really really important to me to acknowledge that

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

hmm,,,,,this is a hard one, cause for a very long time, my policy was that my fic would always have a happy ending? and for a long time, that was true!! but the dabihawks interaction (during the raid) broke me, and from an emotional standpoint, i think freeing icarus (x) is probably the one that has the angstiest ending of the two or so that i wrote in that time?

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

u know i really haven't written any crossovers? it's normally not my thing cause my brain typically focuses on a single thing and doesn't really have the capacity to think about more than that, so i end up writing just au-style or fusion-style (shoutout to that one bnha but it was scooby doo fic i wrote - x)

i don't think i'd be opposed to writing a crossover but i'd have to be SUPER inspired by the idea and both fandoms lmao

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

aha yes, i have. the only straight up hate i've received was on a kaeluc fic (surprisingly not because it was kaeluc, but bc i was 'mistreating' kaeya in the fic) - to be entirely fair, the commenter pointed out something that i hadn't realized myself, and it led to a second piece of the story that helped me tie up some loose ends, but...let's just say they weren't very kind about their feelings lmao

other than that, i had someone very upset because i didn't tag which character was bottoming in a fic (valid if that bugs u!) and they read through most of it before getting to the smut (and said that they enjoyed everything up to that point) then said they were 'disgusted' by it. i have opinions on that and a few other comments they made, but i will keep them to myself lmao

and beyond that, just a few ppl on my xiaoven fic saying that they were unhappy about the background kaeluc (which is tagged lmao) - really no hate whatsoever til genshin, honestly, which is...very hmmmm :) lmao

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

yep!!! mostly vanilla or vanilla-adjacent lmao i'm not super into heavy kink, although i know if epi reads this she's gonna call me out for being a monsterfucker bc of my dragon!zhongli smut :) lmaoooo but really i tend to write pretty vanilla smut! i also prefer to avoid any noncon/dubcon or hate sex or anything particularly angsty, just not my jam to write!

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

hmm i don't think so? although i don't heavily monitor ao3 (or wattpad/ffn), so i can't really say that for sure lmao

Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!!! i've had a few fics translated to russian (little bird is one of them!) which is very sweet and i hope that anyone who prefers to read in russian has been enjoying those fics!!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

alksdfjklsdf only once, and it's deadass how me and rose got together. we decided to co-write a podcast au fic for the phandom (x) and ended up flirting via google docs asldkfjkldsfj

What’s your all time favourite ship?

what a horrible question, making me choose between my children like this!!!! sdlfkjdskf tbh i'm not sure i have a real answer bc it changes as i go? and 'favorite' is so vague,,,,,favorite to read? to write about? to think about? asdklfjkjsdfk i really don't know if i have an answer, but i'll maybe say kaeluc for now lmao

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

well first and foremost, with only 2 exceptions, i never post a fic unless it's done. i tend to follow wherever my passion leads my brain, so i'm notorious for jumping around between stories and taking breaks from long fic and returning later on to finish them, and i know that i would not do well under the pressure of posting something unfinished and trying to finish it in a timely manner

that said, many wips sit in my google doc folder, but one is Well Known as the one that has followed me through both the phandom and bnha (rose keeps asking who i'm gonna switch the chars to in genshin, but i think it suits bakudeku too well to do that) - only the lonely survive. it sits at like 36k in my wip folder, and i adore the story dearly and i want very much to finish it, but it never makes it quite to the forefront of my motivation, and so it rarely if ever gets worked on...i hate the idea of 'never' finishing it, but it's unfortunately quite likely that i won't 😭😭😭

What are your writing strengths?

emotion!!! and immersion!!! it's my goal in a fic to make it as immersive as possible and saturated with emotion to help convey that feeling of being in the place of the pov character, and i think i do it pretty well. also just bc i feel a little obligated to say it - another strength is actually sitting down and putting words down. i know that's a struggle for a lot of writers and i often get,,,,lovingly bullied? i guess? lmao for being able to bash out a few k in a day most days

What are your writing weaknesses?

this isn't so much a weakness i guess but i am basically incapable of treating crack fic as crack. if i have a cracky idea, it will, without a doubt, end up turning into a Perfectly Serious fic somehow (notable 'crack treated so seriously that it's no longer crack' fics include: todoroki doing the freeze-the-ocean thing from frozen 2, 'shmigaraki', todo and denki get together bc of vine references, the league sells feet pics, shiggy and natsu own a nightclub/bakery, scooby doo but make it bnha, and dabi getting his ears pierced at claire's)

but in all seriousness, i think my main weakness is that i often get comfortable? and i'm not one to typically push myself forcefully out of my comfort zone when it comes to stories that i come up with on my own, which often means that ideas inspired by discussions with others are what prompt me to branch out and try new things?

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i think, like anything, it has its place? there are certainly stories where it makes sense to do that and even adds depth to a story, although i personally am not exceptionally comfortable enough with other languages (except maybe asl) to do that in fic myself without the assistance of someone very comfortable with that language lmao

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

the phandom! not really my jam to write rpf anymore but it definitely got me started and i'm really grateful for my time writing there, as everyone was super supportive and kind, and it was really a perfect place for a beginner to get comfortable and practice

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

again, forcing me to choose between my children...i really don't know that i can pick one fic bc they all exist in such wildly different spaces? i poured my worldbuilding soul into the king of disaster series (mainly dabihawks - x), exile (dan and phil - x) was my first massively long fic, our hearts are heavy burdens we shouldn't have to bear alone (chayea - x) is probably my favorite character/character dynamic study, i'm exceptionally proud of the smut in chosen (zhongchi - x), the list goes on and on and on lmao like. i could probably list half my fics as favorites in some regard dsflkjdfsjkl

anyway, tyty bellamy for putting this on my dash so i could do it as well!!

tagging: literally anyone who wants to do this, i have so many writer friends slkdjfjklsdf but please please tag me if u do it so i can read urs!!! 💜💜💜

[aethersea]

you know what, I never do these things, but actually I’ve decided I would like to get to know people better! I would like to partake of the mortifying ordeal! I would like to talk about myself for a bit!

ok for the next...let’s say five days I will answer any of these things that people tag me in, or any random personal questions you plop in my ask box. I don’t have an ask meme on hand but just....pick one you’ve seen recently, or make up questions of your own, and I’ll answer. (the answer might be ‘nope that’s private’ but I will answer.) (@ the anon who asked for book recs - I see you, I’ve been thinking of books all day, I’m going to give you SUCH a long answer, I hope you don’t regret your choices bc it WILL be full of gushing)

alright, let’s go!

🌻 Tag 9 people you want to get to know better

Tagged by @booksandchainmail​

Last Song: I’m currently listening to “Falcon in the Dive” from the Scarlet Pimpernel musical on loop. I watched one or two Scarlet Pimpernel movies when I was just barely too young to fully get what was going on, and the story’s held an odd but deep-seated place in my heart ever since. A few years ago I found out there’s a musical and most of the songs are pretty stellar (go listen to “Madame Guillotine” if you like big ensemble broadway numbers, it’s a banger, the bit where he cries out for God has been running through my mind on and off for a few days now haha not like that’s topical or anything), so every once in a while I spend a few days listening to them a lot.

Sometime last year I read the actual book, and got super into the whole concept of the Scarlet Pimpernel for a while. I plotted out Pimpernel aus for several fandoms, I read the entire wikipedia article, and I went looking for bootlegs of the musical. I didn’t find one, but I did find a full radioplay-style recording of the script, complete with full musical numbers, and listened to it like a podcast.

Reader, I was so disappointed. The play adds some scenes, bc a lot of the dramatic tension of the novel comes from internal conflict and that doesn’t stage super well, and the very first scene of this play – a play written in the NINETIES – features our dashing hero rescuing some aristocrats from a French prison, and then saying to the person in the next cell, who begs for rescue but is not an aristocrat, “We have enough of your kind in England.”

Enough! of your KIND! What in the merry frickety HECK my dudes!! The book has some rather unfortunate™ takes but it is from 1905, it’s regrettable but sadly to be expected. This play is from 1997. It has NO excuse. This scene wasn’t even in the book! What! the heck!

I was so disheartened that I lost my excitement for the play, and a couple songs later I stopped listening. It occurred to me just a few days ago that you could actually stage that ironically, with the person in the cell giving the audience a “can you believe this” look, and then the rest of the play could feature assorted non-aristocratic ensemble members constantly looking at the audience like they’re on The Office. And hey, maybe that’s what they did, or something similar – maybe that was never meant to be taken as a cleanly heroic stance, and the play deals with it in a complex way. It’s possible. I wouldn’t know. Kinda doubt it though, based on song lyrics.

Favorite Color: red, probably

Last Movie: I watched that new lesbian christmas movie with my family for christmas, the one with kirsten stewart and the guy from schitt’s creek. it’s very sweet and good and kinda sad, and I really enjoyed it. it also incidentally has the best gay best friend trope in probably anything ever, bc it’s not a trope (I didn’t realize until several hours after watching that it technically fits), it’s just a guy who is the protagonist’s best friend, and they’re just all gay, and then when he Gives Relationship Advice as a gay best friend always does, it’s advice about how to deal with your partner’s hangups around coming out.

actually every part of the gay best friend trope becomes better when they’re just best friends who are both gay. the big dramatic gestures (in this case, driving some ungodly distance in the snow on no notice) go from “haha how kooky” to “queer man will do anything he needs to to rescue his queer friend from an isolating & potentially triggering situation”. the relationship advice isn’t “honey you deserve some self-respect, treat yourself”, it’s a deeply sincere reminder of the vulnerability that is shared across almost everyone’s queer experience, and look I could ramble about this for a long time before reaching a coherent point but I’m INTO IT, okay? I’m into it.

Last Show: you want me to remember what show I last finished???? impossible, cannot be done, it was a long time ago and the adhd has eaten everything that happened before last week. here, instead I’ll tell you about another movie I watched, late at night with my mom in cozy companionship just a couple days ago. it’s called Quigley Down Under and it’s about a cowboy who goes to Australia and kills a bunch of racists, 10/10 would watch again. it’s from 1990 but it feels much older, with the music choices and the cinematography of a 70s Western. the cowboy is great, honorable and fearless and kind, but the breakaway star of this movie for me is the woman who attaches herself to his side and refuses to leave. her name is Cora, and she’s crazy, in the sense that she’s not altogether tethered to reality, but this never for a second diminishes her agency. she’s fierce and clever and compassionate, and she basically never does anything she doesn’t want to in the whole movie. her arc is about overcoming trauma by taking charge of her own fear and facing it head-on, she is never belittled or dismissed by the narrative or the protagonist, and look she’s just so cool. I love her. she’s so vibrantly alive. her story could probably have been handled with a bit more nuance, but honestly for the 90s it’s pretty great. I’m no expert, but I found nothing objectionable in it, just a bit of heavy-handedness.

anyway the theme of the movie is that racism is evil and racists deserve to be shot, and this too could have been handled better (not a single aboriginal character speaks a single line of english in this movie), but it follows through on that message in every way, while still being a fun kinda campy cowboy movie. overall a very good time.

Currently Watching: started showing my sister Hilda the other day, and she’s liking it! I love that show, it’s so incredibly cute. can’t wait to see season 2

Currently Reading: lmao I wish. lately the brain has firmly rejected all attempts to read anything of any length. currently pending, bc I was halfway through them when my brain stalled out, are tano’s fic What Does Kill You Can Make You Stronger, Too, a Toby Daye book - I think it was The Brightest Fell, I got like half a chapter in and haven’t picked it up in over a month, the Locked Tomb series, and probably a few other things too. ooh! also a book called Making Sex by thomas laqueur, which is my fancy academic reading that I’ve been doing in short bursts for the past year or two when I feel fancy and academic. it’s about the development of the concept of biological sex and of gender in Western society, and it’s fascinating. has among other things introduced me to the idea that until quite recently, fathers were a matter of faith. the mother? yeah, you can watch the baby pop out, we all know who the mother is. but the father? how can you know? how can you really know? we have paternity tests these days, but for all of human history up until now, we've just had to take fatherhood on faith. (not to mention we didn’t even know what fathers were contributing to the production of a fetus. clearly it was something, since you can’t get pregnant without a penis getting involved, but we have literally not known what until the past few decades. and that is wild. it has colored ALL of human history, all of our conceptions of society and family and kinship and gender, all of it, and it hadn’t even occurred to me until it was spelled out for me in this book, and it’s just......wow.

Salty, sweet or savory: for christmas my sister and I made seven different types of cookie, most of them involving chocolate somehow.

Craving: no bc I ate so many cookies. unless sleep counts. or maybe pringles, it’s been many moons since last I had a potato chip and I miss them.

Coffee or Tea: no thank you

Tagging: @coloursisee, @krchy-tuna, @sam-j-squirrel, @xzienne, @mirandatam, @viciousmaukeries, @sepulchritude, @elidyce, and @navigatorsnorth bc it’s been a while since we’ve talked, and I’m super hyped that you’re married now. v happy for you!

[damienthepious]

pride... plus lizard kiss... WHAT a GOOD DAY

Day 3 - Affection/Kisses [Day 1] [Day 4]

The Love You Breathe

[ao3]

Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast

Relationship: Lord Arum/Rilla

Characters: Lord Arum, Rilla

Additional Tags: Second Citadel, Alternate Universe - Pirate, Penumbra Pride Week, Penumbra Pride Week Day 3, Minor Injuries, Mild Blood, Mild Peril, Magic, Mutual Pining, (categorized as 'other' bc arum is nonbinary when i write him bye), Lizard Kissin' Tuesday

Summary: The end of Moonlit Hermit, if Arum was a sea monster instead of a lizard, the Keep was a coral structure in the deep dark of the ocean, and Rilla was still... Rilla.

Notes: The Penumbra Pride Week prompt for the day was Affection/Kisses, and since I already pretty much wrote out ALL my thoughts about How The Lizard Kisses in my other fic, this was what came out instead. I've been yelling about this Second Citadel Pirate au on tumblr for like a month and a half now, and instead of like... writing it in order like a normal human, this happened. The summary pretty much gives all the context I think you need, but if you care at all about that context you can check this tag for the general gist of the au. Also, I mostly based sea monster!Arum on a coral snake, and those DEFFO don't have gills, but he's also partially inspired by a specific kind of aquatic salamander that keeps gills into adulthood, and I don't care about rules. :3 Name from the song Underwater, by MIKA.

***

Point the first: it is good that the Keep is now in slumber, because it means the Keep can begin to heal.

Point the second: it is unfortunate that the Keep is now in slumber, because it means there is no longer any active magic maintaining the bubbles of (breathable, necessary) air in Arum’s workshop, and as a consequence there is now water lapping at Rilla and Arum’s toes.

Arum glances down, brow furrowed in vague irritation, but then his eyes widen in panic as they flick up towards Rilla.

“Uhhh,” Rilla says, and the water is coming quicker, now, pouring around her ankles, rising alarmingly towards her knees. “A-Arum?”

“Keep,” Arum says, voice sharp and strained, but there is no answer, no cessation of the inflow of ocean. He reaches a hand towards Rilla, and when he grips her wrist she twists her hand to grab his in return, her instrument dropping forgotten into the frothing water. “Keep-”

“It’s not gonna wake up, Arum,” she says, eyes wide. “That exhausted- it’s going to be out for a while. Can we- could I- dammit, there’s no way I could get to the surface before- and even if I did, the damned bends would probably-”

Arum darts his gaze around wildly, combing through his quickly-submerging, chaos-strewn workshop for something, anything that could help, but-

But Arum has never been tasked to create something for the purpose of saving a human. Nothing his hands have made would do anything but hasten Amaryllis’ death.

If she were only made as Arum is, he thinks desperately, water rising until they are both floating, feet leaving the workshop floor. If she could only slip between the air and the waves as easily as he-

Oh, he thinks. Oh, of course.

He can save her. He can keep Amaryllis from drowning, in this place where he he has forced her, alone in the darkest depths with only a monster for company. He can save her from the death of which he is the certain cause. It will only require that he gives to her a part of himself.

(Arum wonders, vaguely, if he has not done so already.)

The water is rushing in too fast, and Arum does not have time to think of an alternative solution. There is only this; he grits his teeth, hisses a dismayed curse, and meets Rilla’s eyes as the gap of air between the two of them and the ceiling quickly shrinks.

“I can- I can help you breathe, if you allow me,” he says, his voice a rapid-fire staccato. “It will not be- pleasant.”

“It can’t be less pleasant than drowning, Arum,” Rilla says, glancing up at the approaching ceiling and clinging to Arum’s arm to keep the frothing influx of water from pushing her under preemptively. “If you have an idea, I’m all ears, here.”

He lifts two hands, and she does not flinch when he cups her face in them, and this close he can just barely make out the difference between her pupils and the near-black of her irises. Her brow furrows - confusion, not distrust - and she waits for him to explain. There is no time, though, and the water is lapping up over her chin already, less than a foot of air between Amaryllis and death. Arum opens his mouth, and in the last moments of air he says, simply, “Trust, Amaryllis.”

She sucks in a breath before the water rises over her mouth, her nose. With her face in his hands she nods, her eyes fixed on his, and then the water slips over them entirely.

Arum exhales the last of the air in his lungs in a billow of silvery bubbles, and then grimaces as his gills pull open, sucking in a breath of sea. Rilla holds her breath, her eyes screwed closed against the salt, still allowing him to hold her face in his hands, and Arum knows that there will be consequences for this. He knows that, but when he tries to measure the weight of her life against his own-

He cannot comprehend a different choice.

It has been ages since Arum has tried to work magic like this, but there is something natural in the act that makes it feel easy. He closes his teeth on the side of his tongue and blood ribbons out into the water, already electric with the magic of desire, with the force of Arum’s will, and then he carefully, gently tilts Amaryllis’ head back, all the way back, angling her head slightly to the right. She allows him this, eyes still closed, expression determined, and he had asked her for trust but he hadn’t held any real hope that she would be capable of giving it to him, not really. Not like this.

There is no time to contemplate, though. His window is slipping, and humans can only hold their breath for so long.

Arum focuses. He focuses on his will, on his blood, on his very nature. He opens his mouth wide, tilting his head, and then he slowly, carefully closes his jaws around Amaryllis’ fragile throat. Pinpricks, he thinks. His tongue is throbbing where he’s pierced it open, but from her, he will only require droplets. She makes a noise when his teeth press into her neck, muffled soft, but she doesn’t try to lower her head, or to push him away.

The smallest drops of blood slip out from four minuscule wounds, two on each side of her neck, and mingle with the saltwater and then with Arum’s own blood, and where they meet there is sudden, sparking light. Arum pours himself out, pours his will into the water, into their mingling blood, into Amaryllis, and he thinks, breathe, breathe-

The pinprick wounds on her neck flare bright, frothing and fizzling as Arum’s desperation sketches new lines across her skin, and Amaryllis suddenly has gills to match his own, and when she automatically draws in a fitful pull of water through the new openings and her eyes flutter open to meet his own, he drops his hands from her cheeks to her shoulders and thinks, something monstrous in her eyes, something monstrous that I put there, oh Universe protect-

But then she is touching her gills, inspecting them with a look of shock - not displeasure - and then staring up at him and breathing, breathing as he does, even and easy and for the moment safe.

Now that it is still, the ocean having finished its violent entrance, the ambient bioluminescence lights up the water from the inside, filling the space with an eerie, rippling glow that dances hypnotically across Arum’s striped scales. The way he is looking at her- it is almost more wild than what he has done. The way he is looking at her… it is making it difficult to think of his mouth on her skin as anything other than a kiss. Rilla’s heart is pounding, and she knows without a doubt that it is more from Arum’s hands, Arum’s teeth upon her, than from her brush with drowning.

“Amaryllis,” he says, and his voice ripples too, thick and humming and uncanny in her ears, and his hands are still on her shoulders and her sides, and the water is not rushing anymore, but Rilla’s head stills spins. “Amaryllis, are you…”

Her chest feels heavy with the water in her lungs, breathing this way is slow and strange, and when she speaks her her voice draws wide and wavering.

“Arum.”

His name in her voice is a pearl, a pain and an animosity transmuted into something strange and shift-shining and beautiful, something hidden but bright, and through the green-blue water Arum feels it like something stuck behind his ribs. She is looking at him with a wonder he cannot stand. He does not deserve- he saved her, in technicality, but she would not have needed saving in the first place were it not for him. His choices, his failings. She is… Amaryllis is…

Arum has the distinct impression that if he asked her to stay, right now in this moment, she would understand what he truly meant. She might even consider it, for a moment.

That is why he knows that he cannot ask.

That is why he knows that he must now let her go.

[prydon]

a ( VERY LONG) long island geek rundown

aka me just rambling on about paul for paragraphs upon paragraphs, complete with pictures.

so i went to the con with the lovely @haiileyrutledge aka maggie who drove me all the way there from the philly bus station (god bless), it was our first time meeting in person and i still can’t really believe we did this just a few months after we were just kinda joking about going together on twitter when we hardly knew each other

literally the first second we walked into the con, before we’d even gotten our badges, paul mcgann was sitting RIGHT THERE at his autograph table and i may or may not have started aggressively hitting maggie in the shoulder and freaking out and hissing “he’s there, HE’S THERE” and she had to drag me past him so we could get our badges

then we sat in on the panel before his to make sure we got good seats for his. it was a panel with wendy padbury and frazer hines and they were adorable!! by the end of their panel we were literally buzzing tho bc we knew what was next

when paul came in the first thing he did was squint up at the ceiling and complain about the brightness of the lights, like “oh this is quite harsh isn’t it” so they turned them down for him, much to maggie’s chagrin bc she’s a photographer and it made it very hard to take nice photos (look forward to her uploading her photos btw, she got some GREAT shots regardless of lighting)

then we all sang happy birthday to paul, per the interviewer’s instructions! it was v cute. someone uploaded a video of it on youtube. (i took one too, but it was much worse quality)

first question the interviewer asked was what the secret to paul’s eternal youth was, which paul took a SUSPICIOUSLY long time thinking about before finally just claiming it was his insomnia. how not sleeping is supposed to make you look better i have no idea, but it’s clearly not hurting paul’s appearance, despite him “not having slept since the nineties” (his words)

and so on went the panel. it was quite fun, and though i’d heard almost all the anecdotes paul told before, they weren’t ones he’d told a million times and the interviewer asked interesting questions about his brothers and some of his earlier roles.

he also asked him about holby- the most recent episode, even- which i was not expecting lol. he asked paul if gaskell was really dead, and paul was just like “lol it’s a soap, who knows what could happen” and joked about another soap character whose death had turned out to be a dream. 

also of note is that paul never called gaskell by name once and exclusively referred to him as “doctor death” lmaooo. i actually know why this is- he mentioned on a radio show a week or so ago that a holby city fan yelled “doctor death!” at him in the street once- but he didn’t....explain this background to the panel audience, so i’m sure many were baffled by it :”D the interviewer was like “so your most recent role, professor john gaskell-” and paul was literally like “ah, yes. doctor death!” asoifjsaij what a dork

^ this pic is actually from the sunday panel but god, actual dork with a heart of gold paul mcgann being juxtaposed next to menacing shots of “doctor death” was never not hilarious 

speaking of holby, I GOT TO ASK HIM A QUESTION DURING THE Q & A, and i asked him what it was like working with guy henry! he said working with old friends is tough bc they know all your acting tricks lol. he went on gently roast guy and say he’s looked like he was 40 since they were at rada and that one of their professors told guy that he was the kind of person who wouldn’t find real success until he WAS like 40 bc he just had one of those faces, and lo and behold, that was case. notably, paul said all of this while holding eye contact with me since it was my question, and i was literally trembling by the end of his response bc i can barely hold eye contact with my family members let along PAUL JOHN MCGANN

he also said “fuck” at one point. at another he pulled the cap off his water bottle with his teeth and maggie and i were both like...*sweating*

after that we got our photo ops! then managed to get some food in us, and then i went to get paul’s autograph and give him his bday gift, which i already detailed here [x] so i won’t get into that. notably he also called maggie photogenic and said their photo op looked like a housewarming photo of a couple just moving in. we were both dying afterwards.

theeeen that evening i attended a dinner party for fans with vip passes that the stars also attended! the food was v yummy. there was ice cream too.

unfortunately i didn’t end up at paul’s table, but i was at the table next to him so i may have eavesdropped. my table had jon davey, who plays cybermen and daleks and ood etc, and who was very funny and decidedly attractive, and who at one point pulled out his phone and showed me this video while nearly dying of laughter over it

paul was actually late to the dinner because he crashed a painting panel!!

^ here’s him painting his tardis picture with his dorky ass reading glasses on. what an old man. i love him

he did show up eventually, and ended up drinking a decent amount of red wine and i’m pretty sure got tipsy and at one point misheard the person next to him as saying “penis hands” and was like “penis hands???? PENIS HANDS???”

all my table ended up leaving early but paul’s all stayed hanging on his every word bc that’s the effect he has on people :’)) so i ended up scooting over there just to listen. at one point his assistant came over and whispered to me that paul HAD gotten the letter i gave him with his gift and he WOULD read it tonight and i was like “omg no it’s ok, i didn’t need him to reply asap or anything, i just wanted him to have it!!”

i left the dinner when paul left- his table were the last ones out- and maggie was outside the dinner waiting for me and may have collapsed into a fit of giggles when she saw paul. then we went to our airbnb and fuckin CRASHED because we were so damn exhausted

on to SUNDAY

i started placing bets on what paul would be wearing that day on sunday morning, since i know he only has like three different con outfits that he wears. lo and behold we get to the con and he’s wearing THE EXACT SAME CLOTHES AS SATURDAY. like, down to the scarf and shoes. they were 100% the same.

idk why he was, but he must have washed them, or he must be an ethereal being incapable of sweating because he was just as nice and fresh as the previous day [shrug]

we wandered around the dealer’s room for a bit, maggie bought a vinyl from a charity sale booth and i bought a couple dwms with bb eight on them bc why not

my lovely internet friends and fellow paul superfans @savageinkspillage and @paulmcgannlesbian both paid me to buy them autographs, and i was happy to oblige because it meant i got to talk to paul again

i went up to his booth and he said “good to see you again!!” and told me he was so touched by the birthday card :”0 and thanked me again for the drawing!

i told him what names to sign to for the autographs and there was an incredible moment where i told him to address one to “brittany” and his brain like. short-circuited and he tried to spell it out to me except he spelled it some ridiculous white mom way like “B-R-I-T-N-I-Y” or something and i just stared at him for a moment not sure if he was fucking with me before being like “.....no?”

once i told him “two t’s” he got it and said “like the place!!” and asked me if i knew where brittany was in a stern teacher voice and i was p sure it was france but not 100% so i was just like “d-don’t quiz me”

he also let me take pictures of him holding the autographs that i could send to my friends, which was very sweet!! here’s him with @savageinkspillage‘s.

he was very determined that we let them dry before taking them because he didn’t want them to be smudged, and blew gently on them himself like a dork.

before we could go, he also fully just was like “give me a hug” and got up and hugged me AGAIN. THREE PAUL MCGANN HUGS IN ONE WEEKEND. T H R E E.

then after he hugged me he noticed the bowie vinyl that maggie had just bought in the dealer’s room and was like “!!!!!! is that a vinyl!!!! can i see!!!”

maggie was like “of course” and handed it over and he was FAWNING over the thing and promptly informed us that it was definitely an original print bc it was made of a special sort of material only used to make records in the 70s, and that it had never been played. maggie said she got it for $10 and he was like “TEN BUCKS??”

he also sniffed it because apparently “that’s what you did with vinyls” and took it out of its sleeve (with maggie’s permission) and freakin’ messed with it to show us how bendy the materal was before giving it back to maggie and emphatically telling her to “treasure that”.

he asked us where we got it and i said it was at a table in the dealer’s room, next to where they were keeping his painting from the night before. upon hearing about the painting he was immediately like “noooo don’t remind me of that!! i’m so ashamed!!” and i was like “WTH PAUL NO IT WAS SO GOOD”

here’s paul’s painting!! it’s lovely!!

also at one point maggie’s hoop earring fell out and full on, like, made a break for paul mcgann and rolled behind his chair. she was embarrassed but he just picked it up and messed with it, feigning putting it on his ear and saying he wished he was a girl so he could wear earrings like that and i was like “you should get your ears pierced!” because he SHOULD. he just laughed.

we literally had a whole, like, probably 10 minute conversation with him and he was just so lovely and funny and warm and thanked me one last time for the drawing before we walked away soasifjsaoifj 

THEN it was time for his sunday panel!! it was a great change of pace from usual panels, it was called “doctor’s orders” and run by a podcaster who’d based it on advice columns- basically, he asks paul a bunch of questions looking for advice that he’d gathered from fans and paul had to impart his wisdom.

here are just a few choice tidbits from the panel:

q: what do i do if my boyfriend never puts the toilet seat down? paul: get rid of him

q: there are beehives in my house, what do i do?? paul: don’t kill them!! bees are our friends. move out. let the bees have the house instead

q: boxers or briefs? paul: briefs. *pointed look at audience* some of us need the support.

he was asked the trolley problem and said without hesitation that he would move the trolley to kill the one instead of the five. he also endorsed stealing from businesses to feed the hungry (unsurprising because *cough* he’s a socialist). he revealed that he shoplifted all the time as a kid as a right of passage in working class liverpool and asked the audience to raise their hands if they’d ever shoplifted. when a decent amount did, he called it a sign of a healthy society. he doted on his sons quite a bit which was adorable, and said he was the “soft touch” when they were growing up while mum was bad cop.

at one point he said if liverpool won the premiere league he’d “sit naked here in front of you” and then immediately was like “...i don’t know why i said that.” the audience was roaring with laughter the entire time. it was legitimately the funnest panel i’ve ever been too :’0 and we had front row seats!!

at the end, the host opened the panel up to the audience to ask their advice questions, and maggie asked one about how to survive while studying abroad in london next year. paul gently ribbed her at first being like “well, remember to sleep and eat” but then reassured her “you’ll be fine” and i could physically feel her melting beside me.

after the panel he chatted a bit with the women next to us, who i know to be old guards of paul mcgann fandom. i didn’t hear much but i did hear paul refer to “that brexit shit” lol.

the last time maggie and i saw paul, he seemed to be leaving the con and nearly tripped over a remote control cybermat on the way out, which was cute.

all in all...i really don’t have words for how amazing this was. i couldn’t have asked for a better environment to meet my favorite actor in, and i have gained so many wonderful memories that i can’t even keep track of them all, and i can’t wait to do it again.

[rorypcarson]

it’s hope??? again??? yes u read that right here’s my son rory love us this blog is so new so nothing will be in the tags i hate everything lmao anyway like this or message me to plot ily bye

triggers: car crash, drunk driving, stroke, abortion, death, depression ( mention )

╰☆╮ DACRE MONTGOMERY ─ RORY PEARSON identifies as CISMALE and uses HE/HIM pronouns. they’re a YOUTUBER/MUSICIAN, and they’re only TWENTY-TWO ! they’re said to be +CANDID, but also -DESPONDENT. i guess that’s why they’re known as THE ACCIDENTAL BILLIONAIRE in the tabloids. ( kendall schmidt, logan henderson )

did i use two btr bois as his vc??? u bet ur ass i did & i have no regrets ok anyway on to my son 

background: 

rory pearson was born and raised in fairhope, alabama.  his parents were teenagers when they had him and lived with his grandma scarlett.  his mom jean marie was ousted by her parents when she told them she was pregnant and his dad’s mom took her in with open arms.  

of course his grandma wasn’t going to let them live in the same room in her house without being married, especially with her grandbaby on the way.  so after talking with them, and his parents agreeing, they went to the courthouse and got married three months before rory came into the world.  

rory was born on april 20th, 1996 and he was without a name for six days.  his parents couldn’t decide so they named him rory wyatt vincent pearson.  he was always told that since his parents couldn’t decide on naming him after jean marie’s grandfather or greyson’s father, they picked a third name and gave him both of their names for middle names.  

when rory was two and a half years old ( not really half, it was june ?? ) his parents graduated high school and went out for a party.  unfortunately their designated driver wasn’t so sober and the group of four recent graduates crashed into another car.  

his father was in the passenger’s seat and died on impact, his mother was pronounced dead in the ambulance on the way to the hospital.  

scarlett legally adopted rory after that and raised him.  she always told him stories of his parents, but avoided telling him anything about what happened to them for as long as she could.  

he was ten years old when he saw the memorial and recognized his parents from their yearbook photos and came home asking about it.  

honestly this is jumping ahead a bit but rory didn’t learn to drive until he was twenty years old.  and even now, esp now, since he lives in nyc he doesn’t drive often. 

okay when he was seventeen years old he met bethany in an airport.  he was on his way to a college interview on a connecting flight that got cancelled due to weather conditions.  they were both sitting in the same terminal so they got to talking and !!! hit it off

bro legit asked her out 5 seconds after their flights were announced to be back on

“hi yeah we just met but we’ve got two hours before your flight leaves so wanna go grab some food with me???” 

and the rest was legit history

he can remember every moment of their conversation and first date like it was yesterday. oh my god he was SO IN LOVE 

the human embodiment of the hearteyes emoji

and so the pair stayed in touch and went on a couple more dates and the boy was so gd smitten that grandma scarlett took his phone during one of their phone calls and was like “darlin if you don’t fly down here to meet me i’m going to think my grandbaby is just talking to a complete stranger on here.” 

and then bethany flew down and met scarlett and she was so excited because !!!! her grandson had a girlfriend !!!! 

grandma scarlett was the biggest supporter of anything rory did in life oh my GOD 

at his graduation it was just grandma scarlett in the crowd for him but boy did it sound like the whole crowd was cheering for him when his name was called 

anyway flash forward to he’s in college and he’s moved away to be closer to bethany.  which should not have affected his life but when he was looking at colleges fr fr after acceptances the boy chose one closer to his girl

we love a softie ok 

anyway on bethany’s 19th birthday he took her to an airport and was surprising her with a trip to disney that he’s been saving up for for MONTHS !!!! 

and at the airport he was like all jittery and nervous bc in his pocket he had an engagement ring but he did his bEST to hide it all from beth bc surprises 

not that he planned the whole thing ( he did ) but it just so happened they were in the same restaurant waiting for their flight as their first date way back when

and in the middle of dessert, the waiters singing happy birthday this boy attempts to be sly and gets down on one knee.  but didnt realize there would be someone coming up behind him to keep up the singing and he ..... kinda caused a mini avalanche of people

and he apologized and is like still on one knee and now he’s looking at bethany with a BRIGHT RED face and he had had this whole speech worked out in his mind ok but all that comes out is, “i love you, please marry me?” in like an awkward stutter because he just TOOK OUT AN ENTIRE WAITSTAFF 

somehow bethany said yes ??? and they’re engaged ??? 

oh and someone got the whole thing on camera and like that happened 

the video skyrocketed to the most viewed video entitled “i witnessed an awkward proposal???? and she still said yes?????” 

which is also lowkey how he started his youtube channel ?? 

“hi yes it’s me the guy who proposed to an olympic athlete while taking out a whole waitstaff?? i dont know why she said yes either but i love her??”

and for a long time it was mainly vlogs of him and beth and him and his friends 

okay so fast forward and rory’s graduated college with a degree in history education bc he wants to be a teacher and he’s got to fly back to alabama and miss his graduation because he got a phone call and grandma scarlett had a stroke

so the boy is freaking out but it’s fine !!! grandma goes home and he winds up staying down and now he’s trying to figure out how to be with beth, find a job in ny, but also take care of his grandma 

for a while he toys with the idea of moving grandma up to new york and helping her find a place.  so he goes back to new york to talk to beth about it and he’s freaking out and he gets home and she tells him she’s pregnant

of course he never expected to be like 20 and having a baby but ??? whatever.  now he’s freaking out because his grandma is not doing good and he’s worried about her and now he’s got to figure out what to do with a BABY ???

and bethany then tells him she wants to get an abortion and rory’s already stressed and so he flips bc of emotions and they get into a huge fight and it just winds up with him leaving and heading back to alabama and bethany in their apartment  

so rory goes home to alabama and he keeps getting notifications on social media about bethany so he just shuts his phone off and i’m talking like he goes days without touching his cell phone.  he takes a hiatus from youtube because he’s freaking out and 

two months after he’s home he seemed like scarlett was doing better so he took her to a party in town to see some of her friends and at the party scarlett had another stroke.  

she died six days later, never waking up from the medically induced coma they put her in.  

flash forward a couple more weeks after he’s working with lawyers for his grandma’s estate and rest assured scarlett pearson had nothing but her house, her garden, and her beat up corvette that her deceased husband wyatt bought her for their anniversary one year

so its a shocker to find out that scarlett pearson was worth 43.7 billion dollars 

and now that money all goes to rory because he’s her only living heir ???

so rory gets this BOATLOAD of money and the local newspaper picks it up which brings it to the national news and somehow it made international news

“local alabama boy from youtuber to billionaire overnight” 

so he kept his grandma’s house in alabama because ..... he can’t seem to let that go and why should he ?? its a good house and holds a lot of memories

but he does in fact buy a brownstone in manhattan its HUGE and he doesn’t have enough things to fill the whole space up but ??? he’s working on it slowly. 

he created a makeshift recording studio in one of the upstairs rooms and has been working on music, which is new to him ?? he was always a bit artistic but never sure enough to like try it out

oh and he’s returned to youtube, he’s got a decent following i guess 

i mean lbr he’s hot ???? and sings ??? so ??? ya know 

personality: 

okay so this is long already so im gonna keep this short n sweet

rory is a sweet boy, never really an athletic type always more focused on his studies than sports.  

spent a lot of time with his grandma and he’s very easily attached to people he’s close to.  not exactly clingy, but it’s really hard for him to let people go i guess ??? 

used to love shows like survivor and big brother and amazing race. always toyed with the idea of applying to be on amazing race but he never had anyone who would go with him, or could for that long.  

he’s a real kind hearted guy and clumsy as fuck

a bit awkward when you first meet him but ??? you warm up quickly and so does he

clumsy af as noted earlier 

kind of depressed ??? idk he’s not seeing anyone for it but post losing beth, his grandma, and like the possibility of a family in the future he’s kinda ..... morbid 

puts on a happy front for youtube

oh and he does a podcast talking about stuff with his friends idk what exactly but ?? its prob music and movies lbr

connections: 

best friend(s)--self explanatory; people who he gets along with and they’re like his ride or dies.  

nerd friends--give him someone to geek out with please he’s SUCH A NERD !!!! or someone who likes learning random things he’s got u 

musical friends--people who he met through starting to delve into music 

youtube community--give me people who !!! met through youtube and often do colabs together.  probably ppl who were shooketh when he came back and was like “bro i have 40 billion dollars????”

wealthy friend(s)--give me someone who will teach this boy how to be wealthy ??? like cause he knows nothing about that he struggled a lot growing up and with college and several part time jobs he doesnt know how to like party or anything 

idk anything else 

[ariyadaivaris]

two questions: 1) why is kenny a bad person? be specific if you can, I honestly want to understand. 2) what's the better lgbt+ representation you mentioned in your post? Not trying to be mean I'm really and truly ignorant about these things and you seem like you know something. Help me understand so I don't support bad people/content.

uhhh kenny isn’t GREAT, i know that that varies from person to person but i personally don’t think he’s a good dude. back when he first won the iwgp heavyweight championship off of kazu, he had an interview where he said that the “local” (japanese) talent were complacent and lazy and the gaijin wrestlers (the only ones he mentioned being white, ofc) were just hungrier and wanted it more and people like naito and evil were very rightfully pissed off. (also kazu and misu had a match like a week later in the middle of a monsoon while kenneth was off who KNOWS where so like #Whatever) 

he also booked a convicted sex offender/p*do for an event? on the preshow? i think he also used his ring and then claimed he didn’t know abt the dude when he’d associated with him before and also when people were pissed about it he responded VERY sanctimoniously bemoaning how cruel people were to judge him for this lmao. (the dude’s name is chasyn rance if you wanna...go verify stuff i really dont wanna delve into. all that on here its a sensitive topic) he’s also best buds with michael elgin whos an abuser so thats neat

also like a few weeks ago tanahashi criticized kenneth on a podcast and said that his matches were all flash and no substance and you could just as easily skip to the last five minutes because thats where ALL the story is, which, i mean, disclaimer i agree with! kenneth heard this and freaked OUT, which is WEIRD because tana has a history of giving his coworkers constructive criticism and advice bc he’s a veteran and its like he’s trying to help people improve and not be complacent??? weird! anyway kenneth started insulting everything from tana’s hair to his wrestling and its just generally REALLY poor form and behavior

idk it varies depending on who you ask and im not...the best memory? sammy hiromutakahashl and ava purplesandgolds both do INCREDIBLY valid work pointing and laughing at kenny and if you delve into their archives you could probably find more in-depth and like, credible criticism of him? but tldr he can eat a pile of dirty socks

AS FOR OTHER WRESTLERS YOU CAN SUPPORT!!!!!!!!

charlie morgan is a british wrestler and a lesbian and she’s very very butch and very very cool!!!!!!! she’s the current ace of pro wrestling eve and its rightfully earned, she also wrestles in progress and she has like, THE most incredible moonsault. also this which kicks ASS

ddtpro (and tokyo joshi pro) is at the very least friendly to The Gays!! one of the co-founders, dino danshoko, is a gay man and his gimmick is HMMMM A LITTLE FLAMBOYANT AND UNCOMFY TO WATCH AT TIMES but coming from a man who is very explicitly incorporating his gayness into his wrestling and yknow what...thats valid. also i think he became champ recently FUCK yeah dude gay RIGHTS

a wrestler named asuka has wrestled for ddtpro to boot, but she mainly works in wave, and she’s trans! you can find an interview she did with lgbter over here! also she and daisuke sasaki had a very cute romance arc for a bit it was excellent

dragon gate has the ICONIC tribe vanguard, and i know they’ve got several queer wrestlers in their ranks that i unfortunately don’t know TOO well bc i dont watch dragon gate, but i DO know yosuke santa maria is VERY cool and i love her and she jumps real good

CANDY LEE!!!!!!!! SHE’S THE CURRENT IPW WOMEN’S CHAMPION AND I WOULD LAY IT ALL ON THE LINE FOR HER her twitter is very very good go look at it and love her and support her

progress wrestling in general is usually PRETTY good re: Ze Gays!! besides charlie morgan, killer kelly and laura di matteo also wrestle there (UGH we love iconic lesbians), and so does KNOWN light of my life and yours too probably jack sexsmith, THE pansexual phenomenon. sexy starr is canonically a thing. we LOVE romance and we love queer romances being the heart of goodness and honesty and bravery. PLEASE support my boys. i love them so much

ive got a bad memory and also limited knowledge of things but randy myers? i believe? is very cool and weird and talented and he sings sometimes and yknow what that is? valid

sadly i don’t know many lgbtq+ luchadors off the top of my head because im a fool and a coward tumblr user luchagoth might have more valuable input on that than i do!!! ^^;

i know this is long and winding and poorly worded but i hope this can be like, at least an...introduction? an IDEA of where to go? there are so many more spaces that don’t throw you just table scraps or suggestions of support, there’s the A Matter Of Pride events that you can find on full in youtube, there are so many promotions and wrestlers out there that are good and i hope you can find folks you like and wanna support!!!

im sorry this is a weird bad post i hope i could help even a bit, thank you for being patient with me and for being curious in the first place, whatever you decide to do from here is your choice but whatever choice that is i hope you find happiness and peace in it!!

[limerencehqs-blog]

      ◜ஐ      /    * .          casually shows up l8 2 the party w a generic brand of coffee 2 drink bc they’re broke asf and can’t afford starbucks. [mark vc] hello everybody i go by nicole and welcome to my intro !! i’ll keep the info about me p short --- i’m twenty, go by she/they pronouns, and live in the est timezone !! while my life isn’t super hectic, i can get busy from time 2 time w work and other life things :-(( so pls b patient w me !! i’ll try 2 make it up 2 u, i promise. i love strawberries ,, and i frequently fall down youtube holes :-)) i’m currently in one now ,, send help. anywho, now i’ll move onto hanbin !! below the cut you’ll find some info about them !! however, i still need 2 set up their stats, bio and connection page ,, but i’m still down to plot !! just hmu or s m a s h that like button. ok ily. 

PARK JIMIN — ♔ The Paparazzi just spotted CHAE HANBIN on the street. THEY are supposedly 20 years old, and are a part of the group GEMINI as a SINGER. If you run into them you might notice they’re FELICIFIC and LOQUACIOUS, but also PEDANTIC and DIFFIDENT. * hanbin identifies as a demiboy, so their pronouns are they & he !! 

ALSO tw below for panic disorder.

biography and personality !! 

ok let’s start w the basics. hanbin was born in seoul, tho their parents weren’t exactly ready or prepared to raise a baby, so they put him up for adoption. that’s where hanbin’s adoptive parents come in !! a sweet lil australian family w no kids at the time -- they took hanbin into their home when he was just two months old, and they loved hanbin SO MUCH. they spoiled ( and continue to spoil ) them rotten tbh. 

hanbin grew up in melbourne, and bc of this, they have an accent !! tho they’re kinda insecure about it :-( ,, they often have a habit of talking A LOT ( seriously ,, this kid loves to ramble ) but that only causes them to feel super annoying and very bad :-( 

hanbin was brought up alongside their younger sister -- their adoptive parents’ biological child. she’s four years younger than him, and was sort of a surprise addition to the fam. nevertheless, hanbin was super stoked !! 

believe it or not ,, hanbin didn’t want to be a singer. they were planning on going away to uni for forensic science -- they’re a major crime nut and have seen ALL episodes of criminal minds and dexter at least three times. 

hanbin began singing when he was little, though it was more so just for fun ; a hobbie if u will. they sang in their school choir, that was about it. when in their second year in high school, hanbin joined an a cappella club ,, and they had a performance which somehow, someone filmed and put on the good ol’ internet ,, and before hanbin knew it, they were being scouted ?? which was ?? surprising 2 them ?? they didn’t think they were good ok. 

initially, they were super against the idea of auditioning, but their sister kinda made it seem super cool and she was just so proud and happy when hearing the news that hanbin didn’t want to let her down :-( he ended up auditioning, and well ,, clearly it went alright bc here he is !! one half of the group gemini ( which is funny bc he’s a gemini :-) ,, ) they debuted in 2013 ,, and things started off super great !! 

that being said, relocating from australia to south korea was difficult, and hanbin still struggles with learning korean. they’ve lived in south korea long enough now that they’re able to get around and understand things on their own, but learning languages is tough for them, and they get frustrated easily and it’s just ,, a lot for them :-( they’re able to write and read fairly well, but speaking is a whole different thing to them entirely. they kinda let other people do the talking for them, if they can help it. tho, when they do interviews requiring english, they’re ALL for it -- whilst also lowkey trying ( and failing ) to hide their accent. i told u, this kid LOVES to ramble on. 

he and his sister still video chat often, and she even travels to south korea whenever she can, to see him. she loves him vm :’) and he loves her, too. it’s just a wholesome relationship w them ok :’) and if hanbin likes someone ,, chances are they’ll mention their sister and talk about her for like ,, an hour to them. he also talks with his adoptive parents and if he’s texting someone ,, odds are they’re his adoptive parents. they may be super far apart geographically, but they’re still attached at the darn hip. ( hanbin’s a family person if u couldn’t tell ) 

unfortunately though, with the move to seoul, hanbin suffered from anxiety -- which lead to panic attacks :-( they don’t experience attacks on a frequent basis, but they do happen every now and again, and hanbin’s always afraid of them happening tbh. they dread the thought of having one while out in public. that’s why, whenever they’re not fulfilling obligations, they’re most likely indoors, holed up with a good crime novel or listening to crime podcasts. 

they’ll bust out random crime facts whether u like it or not >:-) 

they try to help write their own songs when they can, but find they’re not too good w words :-( they once rhymed orange with door hinge when they were ten ,, and that was about the highest point in their writing career ;;

also random fact of the night ,, hanbin’s a virgin and doesn’t know much about the good ol’ act of fornication -- or anything sexual really ,, rip. they get super flustered about that kind of stuff when it’s mentioned ?? which is gr8 bc they blush really easily and it’s super noticeable. ofc they just hide their face and repeat “ end me now ” until it’s over.

i think that’s it 4 now. im honestly half asleep, and this took 2 hours to put together and look over 2 make sure it was coherent. i fell asleep in between writing :-( 

quick plot ideas !! 

um ,, i’d cry if this happened but ,, a biological sibling maybe ?? bc hanbin doesn’t really know their birth parents ,, but maybe they find out about them and thus, their sibling too ?? 

their confidant !! or just close friends tbh. im a sucker for fluffy floof :’) 

mutual crushes :-)) or one-sided crushes ,, u know ,, if u wanna crush ur soul w angst. either works~ 

enemies ?? hanbin doesn’t really have a mean bone in their body, yet they somehow have a strong disliking for this person ?? OR, they strongly dislike hanbin ?? maybe bc of their constant optimism. 

maybe these 2 were seen in public once and people started shipping them idK it’s a cool thought. 

i have 2 get to bed bc work 2morrow ,, but pls feel free to suggest any plot that comes 2 mind tbh !! in no way are my wanted plots limited to just the ones mentioned above !! also thank u for reading. ilysm. 

[mtvwind]

“This week is obscure The Blackout reference week”

R: So since I was enjoying Matty yesterday I couldn’t share a song til today, and here’s something really sad: the song I wanted to share with you doesn’t appear to exist on the internet! I got it from MySpace, who, as we know, recently lost everything. 

J: Womp!

Until I get home to upload it to the blodge, what are your memories of MySpace?

OG MySpace, nothing! I was Bebo through and through. Would go back to Bebo. Bebo over LinkedIn any day.  Modern MySpace I remember because we were the only two people in the world registered.

Oh, new MySpace!!!

Did you forget?

I did.

I can’t understand how

The rest of the world did.

What a shame. A crying shame.

Justin Timberlake died for nothing.

The real daddy.

Right, we’re dangerously close to making this about Lance Bass.  

Ah, you discovered my plan. 

MySpace was one of my prime downloading spots back in 2006.  I was pro at finding fake profiles for bands that had been set up with downloadable songs. 

I was all about youtube2mp3.com

YouTube wasn’t really a thing yet when I was stealing from MySpace

God so old.  Limewire before that I guess.

Yeah, I guess. I uploaded to Tumblr so fingers crossed this works.  Tell me what you think of the distinctly average pop punk song.

Initially I’m disappointed that “Baby Baby” is not Baby One More Time.  Did you ever watch The OC?  It reminds me of that.  

I did not. 

It’s very that. 

Do you recognise the singer?

You mean the singer that sounds like every other singer of that era?

Yes

I do not. 

You’re in for a treat let me show you a pic of him:

Shut up?

For real!!!

Omg. Isn’t life a full circle?

This is a short-lived pop punk side project band fronted by none other than Sean Smith! (I think it came after that photo but it felt right)

I feel cheated.  Let me listen again. 

Go ahead, enjoy. 

Oh god I can hear it now.

I don’t know who else was involved

They too have faded into obscurity

Or how long ago it was, unfortunately.  However I’m sure he did YOU. ARE. DEAD. MEAT! t-shirts. I want to say it was just before Dirty Love.

There was not a t-shirt that man didn’t try to sell.

He’s still doing it with his podcast.

Jesus. 

I still have a Dirty Love t-shirt but I do not ever wear it

I once ran out of clean washing and was forced to wear a The Blackout shirt I bought from Pulp. In fact I am once more out of clean washing so watch this space

Outside?? Where people are??

To be fair I had a jumper on.  But I knew.

Fun fact: I actually have a few TBO shirts I still wear!  The numbers are dwindling as I put more and more of them into retirement. 

I like the idea of a retirement village for merch of bands that nobody cares about anymore.  Just populated by Black Veil Brides. 

It’s this drawer. 

You have many drawers.

There’s a girls medium Fall Out Boy shirt from 2007 in there, but regrettably I am no longer about the size of a medium girl.

Omg, about the size of a MEDIUM GIRL

This week is obscure TBO reference week

I have to say nothing fits me anymore that’s for sure

I have 2 XL TBO tees, one of which I have literally never worn.  The other is the one with the gates of hell on that looks like a metal band shirt.  That one is my fave.

I wish I could sell merch.

I’d buy your merch.  The ‘You Are Dead Meat’ shirts came about when Watkins still walked free.

We should use that as a historical marker, like BC/AD. 

Difficult though, because where do you pick as your day zero?  I’d pick the day that we all woke up and read about him being arrested on the BBC. 

That was literally weeks after we’d seen him if you recall.

But I know you’d pick the sentencing, aka the day you came out with “he did WHAT-kins?”

That was by far my magnum opus.

Among your best pun work.  Under appreciated by the Twitter community. 

An artist is never truly appreciated in his own time. 

Alright, Van Gogh.

There’s a joke about ears but today has been too long for me to think deep about it.

Is there?

There’s always a joke. 

There’s always a bad pun.

Okay, here’s a question: you can pick ONE figure from our musical past back to relevance.  Who?

Oh man. Sean would be the most grateful but he’s the least talented.

In music as in sex, amen. 

Oh my god.  I was going to say Kate Bush, but, Sabrina. 

Omg.  Interesting and unexpected choice. 

I’ve been trying to bring Boys back for a few years. 

I resent your comment on Mother she’s very relevant

Correct, that’s why I changed my mind.  Oh - can I bring back the Singing Nun?

I was thinking about her yesterday! I would bring back Steve from costingless.com

Wow, I certainly would not.

He was great.

Was he, though?

We’ve remembered him.

That’s not always a positive. 

[chanxyeollie]

do i need to even say who i was tagged by ofc u know it was @stan-the-best-stan-monsta-x my fave thx boi

THE LAST …

1. drink: pepsi

2. phone call: my coworker/close friend lol because my manager apparently did not recall my texts lmfao

3. text message: rofl it was to my friend abt jikook’s cover 😂

4. song you listened to: actually yeah it was also jikook’s cover of we don’t talk anymore

5. time you cried: i teared up yesterday watching p101 tbh,,, i won’t lie

HAVE YOU EVER …

6. dated someone twice: not even once 😎

7. been cheated on: see above lol

8. kissed someone and regretted it: ?? no

9. lost someone special: .......no...... *knock on wood*

10. been depressed: i mean i once cried on my floor for five hours in a row but,,, after i was fine so i’ll say no

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: no!!! :D

LIST THREE FAVOURITE COLOURS (12, 13, 14):

black

pink

mint green OR like a nice muted gray i guess

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU …

15. made new friends: @stan-the-best-stan-monsta-x lookin at u bud

16. fallen out of love: umm,, like with a band. but like otherwise no

17. laughed until you cried: yes. always at like 4am. until i couldn’t breathe. also probably bc i run around when i laugh?? like what

18. found out someone was talking about you: no? o wait yes someone at work smh

19. met someone who changed you: ,,,,,,no

20. found out who your true friends are: unfortunately i did it the hard way but ya

21. kissed someone on your facebook list: haha

GENERAL STUFF

22. how many of your facebook tumblr friends do you know in real life: :( none of u because im poor

23. do you have any pets: three cats~~~

24. do you want to change your name: (réka u are correct) um yeah bc shocker secret:::::: aluri is not my birth name gasp

25. what did you do for your last birthday: no one said happy birthday to me so one of my only friends who did took me out for lunch rip thank u friend

26. what time did you wake up: 9:30? 10?

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: i was...on tumblr...reading? lookin thru a tag? on youtube? idk to be honest

28. name something you cannot wait for: fuckin, a day where i don’t wanna die instead of go to work lololol

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: at 11 before she went to work. she listened to a murder podcast with me lol

30. what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i wish i wasn’t a socially anxious person i feel like i would cruise thru life if i wasn’t so D: all the time

31. what are you listening to right now: minisode 16 on the my favorite murder podcast. if you like true crime and cats, check it out.

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes but not since high school. OH FUCK WAIT A GUY NAMED THOMAS (same thing) CREEPILY ASKED FOR MY NUMBER LAST YEAR GSHDDFGHGADFK

33. something that is getting on your nerves: my skIN CAN U PLEASE CALM DOWN I WATER U I NOURISH U WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT

34. most visited website: tumblr/yt/mweor

35. elementary school: ?? do i need to say the name i mean im not going to but i went to three anyway, one in england, two in canada

36. high school: catholic af we had mass and everything

37. college: yeah im enrolled in uni rn i hate it

38. hair color: dark brown

39. long or short hair: like,,,, titty length lmfao idk

40. do you have a crush on someone: yes his name is chanyeol

41. what do you like about yourself: my eyebrows are straight fire they’re the perfect shape and it was the only thing i was blessed with

42. piercings: earrings

43. blood type: no idea. my parents don’t even know.

44. nickname: n o

45. relationship status: single cat lady

46. zodiac sign: capricorn, allegedly very hard working

47. pronouns: she/her

48. favorite tv show: my favourite show ended but it was how i met your mother

49. tattoos: none

50. righty or lefty: a smudgy lefty im afraid

FIRST …

51. surgery: i had a piece of my mouth/gums snipped off but like it took 2 seconds so it doesn’t really count

52. piercing: ears i was a smol bab my mom didn’t give a heck

53. best friend: her name was chelsea that’s all i remember.

54. sport: .....hip hop classes lmfao *looks at 2 left feet* what was i thinking

55. vacation: fuck i have no memories idk

56. pair of sneakers: white sketchers lol

right now …

57. eating: air

58. drinking: pepsi

59. i’m about to: get ready for work :(((((

60. listening to: still minisode 16

61. waiting for: my next paycheck //shakes fist six more days

62. do you want kids: yeah i mean my kids will be true memes i can’t pass up that opportunity

63. do you want to get married: yeah but then again what am i saying ive never experienced romance what do i know

64: what career do you want: something in entertainment, realistically tho nothing like wtf i have no idea

WHICH IS BETTER …

65. hugs or kisses: i have only experienced one

66. lips or eyes: eyez eyez eyez

67. shorter or taller: taller? i mean what truly IS short and tall u know

68. older or younger: always been into older men :/ and actually,, older friends my younger friends are special rare exceptions ily

70. nice arms or nice stomach: well i feel like im not gonna know unless someone strips in front of me so like either or whatever

71. sensitive or loud: well it depends if u’re only always sensitive or loud i would struggle to get along with u 

72. hook up or relationship: relationship?

73. troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker,, i can be the only hesitant one here or everything would be ‘oh,,,r u sure,,, is this okay....are we okaY????’

HAVE YOU EVER …

74. kissed a stranger: nO

75. drank hard liquor: No!

76. lost glasses/lenses: like for a short period of time

77. turned someone down: dgsdgfafvdf yes

78. had sex on the first date: nooooooo

79. broken someone’s heart: no unless someone was secretly pining after me

80. had your heart broken: yeah but after crying for five hours i was literally fine dfgsfdjg

81. been arrested: nO but like,,,, i have had two seperate run ins with the police and it was very very awkward

82. cried when someone died: ...on tv

83. fallen for a friend: yeah and fucking yeah it was not a good time

DO YOU BELIEVE IN …

84. yourself: like in what context. do i believe in myself making a killer grilled cheese? yes. do i believe i can get all A’s in school? NO

85. miracles: coincidence but not miracles

86. love at first sight: mmm no

87. santa claus: if i say yeah do i still get presents

88. kiss on the first date: ?? well like its not something to believe/not believe in like it isnt a mythical creature lol

89. angels: if there are where is mine :/

OTHER …

90. current best friends name: aluri. did i just name myself? yeah. you bet.

91. eye color: hazel/green with some orange in there.

92. favorite movie: walk of shame!!!! good heckin movie woohoo i finished before work im proud!! anyway whoever read this lmao you’re the real mvp thx. and im not gonna tag anyone because i always tag the same two ppl im so sorry rofl so if anyone wants to do this,,,, like pls do it and tag me so i can learn abt you.

[thepermanentrainpress]

THE PERMANENT RAIN PRESS INTERVIEW WITH CASSANDRA MAZE

Congrats on the release of your sophomore EP, Asymmetry! What were the major themes behind the four tracks? Where did you draw inspiration from?

Thank you very much! The overall theme of Asymmetry is celebrating your idiosyncrasies and peculiarities—the things that make you distinct, unique, and wonderfully asymmetrical. According to some studies, humans are supposed to be more attracted to faces that exhibit perfect symmetry. True though this may be, it doesn’t take into account the beauty found in the strange and unexpected. What I always find most interesting and intriguing about a person are the traits that set them apart from the pack. Those are the things that inspire me.

Lead single “I Don’t Need Your Love” is an anthem of self-love and acceptance. Why was this message important for you to present?

We waste so much time and energy focusing on the negative narrations in our heads, allowing them to convince us that we’re not good enough. I’m as guilty as anyone. Practicing self-love has been anything but straightforward and easy. But writing “I Don’t Need Your Love” was a huge turning point for me. At the time, I had just flown to L.A. to audition for The Four on FOX, they had contacted me after seeing my Instragram while I was in the midst of the Velocity tour, but unfortunately was not chosen to compete on the show. I was also in the midst of a turbulent breakup and suddenly needed a place to live. I felt a lot of disappointment all at once, so I wrote an anthem to help get me through it all, and to help empower others who may be going through similarly tough times.

What I realized in the process of writing and recording this track, was that all my fears of failure and loneliness were totally unfounded. The more I worked at nurturing the positive voices in my head, the more confidently I could embrace my independence. It may be a cliché, but it bears repeating: you must love yourself first, before you can love somebody else!

As an artist, you showcase your fierce personality through your lyrics and song composition. Take us through your writing process, studio time and overall sound; how does it come together?

A song always begins with a spark. Sometimes it’s a lyrical hook, a melody that won’t leave my head, a drumbeat, a chord progression, or any variation in between. Depending on how I’m feeling in the moment, I’ll take said spark to either the piano or guitar, or start up a Logic session, and toy around with chords, instrumentation, lead vocal melody, etc., until something resembling a song starts to reveal itself. On rare and special occasions, this process takes minimal effort and time… those are reaaally good days, aha. Once I’ve fleshed out the main components, like lyrics and melody and groove, I like to connect with a producer (for Asymmetry I worked with the fabulous Ryan Worsley), to get another perspective and start recording the music professionally.

Your debut EP, Velocity, came out around a year ago. How have you grown as an artist and performer since then?

I’d say I’ve become a lot more comfortable in my skin not only as an artist and performer, but also as a person, since releasing Velocity. In the spirit of Asymmetry, I’ve come to accept the parts of me that are offbeat and quote-unquote imperfect… like I’ve been known to talk to myself on occasion… I’m not afraid of the dark unless I’m alone… I’m constantly tapping my feet to some rogue rhythm… I’d say this acceptance has led to me being bolder onstage, while not worrying so much about what people might think, and it’s given me the strength to be myself and to let people in. I want everyone to feel at home at my shows. I want them to feel like they belong… because, they do.

You recently completed a music video for “Boom” with the team at Pixel Point Media (who you’ve worked with multiple times). What details can you share?

I did and I cannot WAIT to share it! We shot this music video in just a few takes, so my dancers, my crew and I had to nail our moves and behind-the-scenes movie magic each time we hit record. Confetti and hair flips abound. I attempt to dance. It will be released the first week of December!

Let’s talk about #LiveLoopingThursdays! You’re also a talented instrumentalist and looper, and there’s no better evidence than in these videos. Where did this idea originate? How do you decide what songs to cover?

That’s very kind of you to say! I’ve been looping for almost 10 years now, ever since I saw KT Tunstall perform Black Horse & The Cherry Tree with her Akai Headrush loop pedal on the Jools Holland Show. So I thought it was time to finally share my love of live looping with the online world! There really isn’t a rhyme or reason to how I decide which songs to cover, other than picking songs I like ;) But I have begun to receive song suggestions from viewers, so I’m sure it’s only a matter of time until I start looping songs by request!

You perform throughout BC and Canada, this year you’ve had shows in Chilliwack, Vancouver and Toronto. Any more live dates coming up?

Yes, I do! I’ll be performing at The Railway Club on December 28th for a Toddcast Podcast Friday Night special with Elle Wolf and Little Crow. I’ll be performing solo with my loop pedal and haul of various instruments, so if you’re intrigued by the live looping element, I recommend this show! For tickets and more info, you can visit: https://www.facebook.com/events/380192559389832/.

As a Coquitlam (and BC) native, what are your favourite things to do in our province? Favourite food spots?

Hiking and taking time to appreciate the unparalleled natural beauty that exists here in our province! Buntzen Lake in Anmore is one of my most loved hiking spots, since it’s quite close to where I live. And after a long hike, there’s nothing better than a well-deserved and delicious meal. If you’re a fan of Mexican food, I recommend Originals Café Mexicano in Port Moody. Make sure to order the guac + chips (made fresh in house!) to start.

If you could be any ice cream flavour, which would you be and why?

Well I’m practically always on the drug known as caffeine. I love coffee. So I’d have to say chocolate espresso. It’s tasty and provides a pick-me-up! Flavour meets function, as far as I’m concerned.

Written by: Chloe Hoy Photo credit to: Nik Molson