#which i really don’t want to do anyways so she should be grateful that im even fucking doing that

[blkwag]

church people are so annoying

[m4y4wasnthere]

dallas winston dating hcs!

warnings: a bit suggestive; almost sa? encounter; drinking/smoking mention

a/n: this is my first time doing this lolz, im so srry if its bad!! 🤞🤞

took a long time for him to open up to you, especially after his trust being broken by sylvia

treated you like every other girl; dirty pick up lines, teasing; until he realized you were different and you guys got way closer

first time he opened up was about why he moved from New York to Tulsa. needed to escape from from the emptiness of his own household.

You cried as he told the story, which made him realize how much you actually cared for him. how much he hated to see you cry.

“dal, i’m so sorry. i had no clue you went through- just- all of that.” you wiped your face for the 5th time in 1 hour. your eyes were glazed with gloss as you made eye contact with him.

he looked at you, his heart sinking at how you looked. red eyes, tear-streamed face. he hated seeing you all torn up, it made him stop his pacing on your carpet floors. shes crying, not because of me..but because of what I went through. she cares. he would never cry infront of you, but this time his eyes started to ear up too.

he sat down on the bed next to you, and slowly pulled you in for a hug. you hugged him tight, whispering sweet nothings.

“dal im so sorry”...”you didnt deserve any of that”… “you’re amazing for getting through all of that.”

silence filled the room after a shortwhile, interrupted sometimes by your short sniffs.

his arm was caressing your side, and you felt his breath hitch.

“i-… i love you.” he whispered, his heartbeat quickening with each second of silence passing.

you tilted your head up to his and stared into his beautiful eyes. he struggled keeping his eyes against yours, awaiting your response. he was ready to get up and run, expecting a rejection.

“I love you too Dallas” your voice was clear, contrasting your sweaty palms and your tear stricken face.

Both of you stared into each other eyes in comfortable silence.

he’s never said i love you again after that, he does show it, most he would do is say “you too”

he’s 50/50 with PDA, it depends on who you guys are with, where you guys are at, etc.

he 100% gets super jealous + overprotective of you really easily, if a guy doesn’t leave you alone , he will end up in a fight (you’ll end up scolding him for it)

A soc walked up behind you and touched your waist, “I never knew a greaser could be such a broad..”

You turned around and gently took his hand off of you, “Don’t touch me.” You thought of other things to say, but anything too violent would have you getting jumped.

“Aw c’mon, it was a compliment. You should be grateful.” His voice thickens and he grabs your waist again with more force. Dallas starts walking over to you.

“I don’t feel comfy with a gross Soc touching me!” You struggle pushing his hands off, Dallas ends up right behind you. His arms loosely wrap around your neck, “Is this guy bothering you, doll?” He kisses your cheek, not breaking eye contact with the Soc.

“Oh I see. You’re Dallas Winston’s little slut. Y’know what, I didn’t want to sleep with you anyways” before he was able to walk off, Dallas punched him in the face. Buck had to break up the fight and he ended up limping back to his mustang.

Dallas doesn’t like you smoking often because he knows its bad, despite him going through packs like candy. Once every blue moon you guys would smoke together in his room.

You get drunk easily, and when you’re drunk, you can’t shut up. Dallas had to drag you upstairs to his room so you would stop telling everyone you were horny or you had to pee.

• more suggestive ones •

you guys do it ALOT. quickies are his thing and he doesn’t care where you guys are

he’s a brat tamer. if you don’t act right, he’s dragging you back home and making sure your ass hurts.

lots of choking, pinning you down, tugging at your hair

his favorite positions are doggy style and missionary because he can ‘control’ you way easier. he does like seeing you ride him but sometimes he wishes he could control the pace better, and ends up going into missionary again

he loves overstimulating you, can’t get enough of you moaning his name (ego booster)

[verilly]

Hiiiiii, so I read a fic where Aqua went to his old home and his daughter is all grown up. He had a wife in his previous life and I want your take on it please. But I read your rules that you won’t do requests that involved kids and marriage so I’m not sure if this counts. If it does, then I’m just happy that I get to share this concept I saw and see what you think about it :)

No cuz I actually really like this idea… so, I’ll let it slide

Logically: Reader will be older than Aqua because… yeah. It works like that so…~~ I’m also having a hard time like placing what age they’d be because like I don’t know how easy it’s be for reader to believe him that like “yeah bro I’m your dead dad that got reincarnated” so I just…???? But I don’t want to make them too old either because Mr doctor man was like ~~32? So like.

Also the doctor is a loser man with my gf bcs he’s an idol otaku so like that would just be very unbelievable if he had like a whole thing but I’ll stop

I don’t think I have the time or emotional capacity to write a full fic for it right now, but I’ll write bullet points…

Aqua/The Doctor (Goro) with Past-Daughter!Reader

SPOILERS AHEAD.

For the sake of my brain’s health, I’ll say that you were 7 when Goro went ‘missing’.

Which would mean that he was 25 when you were conceived. And the perfect age where you could have some sort of recollection of him in your life.

When Aqua goes back to his hometown, originally it was intention to find his old body’s corpse, however, the old nurse he used to work with that had his child slipped his mind.

“Goro Amamiya, has their been any information on him after he went missing?” Aqua asked, the person at the front desk of the hospital shook her head, “Ah, I see…” Aqua turned his head to look back at Akane who was sitting on a lounge chair, fiddling with her phone, “What about Nurse Nozaki?”

The Nurse does not actually have a canon name I could find, so I just came up with something! (The “Nurse” character im talking about it the woman who was commenting on Goro’s obsession with Ai and love for Sarina.)

Another addition for this story is that the Nurse is about a year older than Goro, meaning she was 26 when she gave birth to the reader. And in current time, she would be about ~50 years old.

“Oh! Nurse Nozaki left to take a well needed vacation with her husband two days ago, you just missed her!” The worker paused for a second and put a finger on their chin, “What is it that you needed to talk to her about?”

“It’s a… family matter I wanted to talk to her about.” Aqua lied through his teeth, though he wasn’t directly lying. After all, that was his past daughter he was trying to find.

“Well then, Nurse Nozaki has her kid live close by, their somewhere in town here.” The worker rummaged through the computer, “Ah, here. Important information for Nurse Nozaki. I’ll give you her line number and…”

Aqua hates the way the worker didn’t double check on his true intentions, but he was still grateful on how he could still see his daughter thanks to that. He did the math in his head, if his “daughter” was 7 when he went missing, then now you’d be a fully fleshed adult.

He considered just letting his past life go and leave you be, but he still wanted to be able to see what you’re up to. Who you grew up to be, fuck, even if you even remembered your father.

Aqua ordered Akane to stay back, but to his dismay, she came along with him anyway. He quickly snuck the address into his phone, and followed the route until he saw you standing outside making a phone call.

He couldn’t be sure that it was you at first, but he could take his chances, after all, he wasn’t planning on staying here for too long. Though, the person standing before him did look like you. Same hair color, same eyes, same marks on the body. What made it more evident was your personality, it wasn’t easy examining it from a distance, but the phone call seemed to be enough for him.

It was you.

Now, how should he approach you?

“Akane,” Aqua tilted his head to look at her, “How would you approach someone you used to be really close to but… grew apart as life went on?”

“Oh! Hmm, let’s see… it really depends on their personality—“

I’m gonna cut off Akane there because, hah, I don’t think I can fit the perfect personality for everyone so yeah.

But Aqua would lie to get to know you, pretend that he was a childhood friend of yours that you just so happened to have forgotten.

“My name is Aqua, your mom gave me your address. We played together when we were younger.” Aqua lied.

“Oh! Aqua! Yeah, that rings a bell.” You lie right back, he didn’t know if that’s just how you always acted or if you were just trying to be kind, “What brings you here?”

“I just thought that we could catch up with each other, that’s all.” He sat on the curb in front of you, which you follow quickly after, “Like… how is your love life going?”

You went on to explain things going on with your life, even though you weren’t quite sure if he was an actual stranger or someone you once knew, you still felt somewhat of a bond.

Then Aqua went on to investigate you on his old self, more importantly, how you felt about him.

“Oh, well, my father has been missing for 17 years now. He’s probably dead, but… I always thought he’d come back home.” You get teary eyed, “He never did though so… I guess I lost hope. Either that or he did just run away, but I doubt he’d do that.”

“… He sounds like a good man.” Aqua’s eyes darken, he couldn’t dare to look you in the eyes, “And you sound like a good girl. I’m sure we would’ve come back to you.”

“Thanks, friend.”

A few hours later, Akane and Ruby would find Goro’s body.

Guess who was their to comfort you?

•••|•••|•••|•••|•••

Akane is best girl btw…

Masterlist on profile or #cendriilon masterlist

[mobiused]

sorry i didn’t meant to imply that bbc was a healthier working environment earlier on, more so that they tried to project this image and so fans were under the assumption the girls were well treated (or if not well treated, at least not subject to the abuse they were) and that it has only been in more recent years (although to be honest i don’t know what im considering recent in this case, late 2020/early 2021? but i may be remember completely wrong) when the girls started opening up more about their experiences. i do really appreciate the examples you gave regarding the girls themselves sharing how much freer they feel at ctd, and i personally trust ctd more than modhaus any day.

No no no its okay no need to apologise haha I was wondering if that was what you meant anyway. I answer asks for both you the asker and my followers anyway so I want to cover all bases.

You're right that up until about 2020, international fans didn't really think twice about BBC mistreating them, which I think was an interesting side effect of their stan loona meme virality - and at the time not a lot of content that foreign fans could easily engage with so a lot slid under the radar. Hyeju mentioned the story about being forced to lose 6kg in a week first in 2019 on a FOTM episode, as well as crying in bed because of starving herself, but fans... didn't really seem to pick up on it at the time. I think it was honestly after I first answered the ask where I collated the jaden jeong imgur folder that people frequently refer back to now, and when the girls started speaking out more, when momentum began picking up. (I don't wanna sound like I'm taking credit here, I think we should all be grateful to team subbits who translate so much content that brought the mistreatment to our attention). As well as dieting, another instance that I think is forgotten about is the maknae line car crash in 2018 where the girls were forced to perform and do fansigns the day after, and a fansign account a week later suggested that the girls were, or at least Hyeju was, actually still injured/emotionally distressed from the crash - I think there's many orbits who don't even know they ever had a car crash. Hanbits have a habit of talking about mistreatment either on privs (which obviously wuebits would never see) or directly via emails to the company because they think negative press is embarrassing/shameful to the girls and don't want the girls' career to be associated with negativity so never made incidents like those a big thing - but I remember so many hanbit tweets complaining at the time - but back then the divide between wuebits and hanbits was even bigger, maybe because of the Choerry boycott misunderstanding, so again, it never made it to international side.

I forgot about this earlier, but not only do CTD not control what the girls eat, but the staff actively remind Yeojin to eat, as well as Vivi cooking for her, since its something she struggles with. I think that represent what kind of company they are really well.

[viv-is-dumb]

so idk who to talk to about this or if i’m even in the right but i’m gonna talk about it anyways because i hate it. This is a long vent post in which i complain about my gfs family and a specific situation.

I live with my girlfriends family. I fear that i’m not grateful enough of the way they took me in…but her mom is a bitch. Her dad is a creep (arrested twice for having cp. He was bailed out this last time and the first time there was no evidence to prove the person in the footage he had was a child) and her brother is fun unless he’s around EITHER of them. He acts like a cringey millennial who mistreats his animals because it’s funny on the internet. I don’t like any of them and i think i should be more grateful but i just can’t. Her mom is AWFUL to be around, she has the aura that basically tells you she doesn’t want you there and I know for a fact that she doesn’t like me. She also acts different when her fucking husband is home. They also have the view that “oh if you work you don’t have to do the dishes” so nobody does the dishes because EVERYONE WORKS. They have no ingredients in the house because they all are out all the time so if before i got a job I had to eat the scraps they left here. Frankly they are abusive but it’s not as bad as my family so i think i should be thankful they put a roof over my head and food in my stomach but that’s really hard when that’s the BARE MINIMUM! They also took me on vacation (they didn’t have to) so i feel like i’m being stupid and ungrateful. Regardless, The reason i’m making this post is because the mom came in and was like “we gotta stop turning the ac fan on all the time and leave it on auto” which like…yeah. I get that. Whatever. She was a bitch about it. The reason it was any kind of argument because I COPIED HER TONE!!! I literally just copied what she was giving me. It gets so hot in my gfs room that if they were in it they’d refuse to stay in it. This should not have pissed me off so bad but it did because of her tone. She doesn’t treat me like i’m human most of the time. It pisses me off so bad and i can’t wait to move away and for both me and my gf to cut her and her stupid fucking husband off. She IMMEDIATELY called her husband and complained so he called me and was like “yeah she was mad anyways here’s what you can do to fix it” but the issue there is that I KNOW WHAT TO DO TO FIX IT!!! HE TREATS ME LIKE IM DUMB!!!! I’m not just sitting in this room with all fans off. Im not fucking stupid contrary to popular belief. Anyways i’ll suck it up and be fine tomorrow.

[1d1195]

✨part two✨

Okay BESTIE INDEPENDENT WAS SO GOOD!!! Idk where to begin tbh! He’s so wild for saying he loved her the first day he met without even asking her on a date first?! Crazy but I love him 😊 oh and you know I love when you throw in multiple tropes! Okay so I really felt for this MC :( I mean duh I literally always find something relatable to them lol anyways I felt so bad for her, everyone NEEDED her and I kinda felt bad because my girl was being used :( even if some didn’t do it with the “bad” intentions my girl is just being taken advantage of 😭(idk why I was so hurt I’m probably just projecting my own shit lol ) ANWAYS HE NAMED HER POPPY😭😭😭 he obviously “kitten” named dropped on the first day but him wanting a special nickname for her is just so 😭 all of this was giving rom com vibes especially when he would ask her out and his little moments of him never really giving up!! My heart BROKE when she was explaining why should couldn’t date anymore💔 and it’s so valid especially for he constantly giving her all! No one should settle for less though bc there are people who will love you the way they need too!! Anyways for some reason the MC was constantly giving me major Tulips vibe lol idk why but for some reason she reminded me of that story! ALSO loved the way it ended with them both being a bit sick and just finding comfort within each other 😭 such a sweet ending loved this one shot!!!!! So so good bestie!!!

I’m so OBSESSED that you’ve found a new book bf bc from what you told me about that basketball one this hockey one must be SO GOOD!! What are your fave things about this man?!?

Now my absence lol bestie I had to travel for a funeral lol I’m fine don’t worry like not even sad tbh! Anyways the most draining/anxiety inducing was just being around family members I haven’t seen in years or that I just simply don’t know lol and you know my thoughts about extended family so there’s that lol couldn’t be on my phone too much so I couldn’t even get out of awkward convos 😔AND technically it was my last full week off bc I start school next Thursday 😭 its such a horrible schedule bestie I fear this quarter will kill me lol anyways asides from that I also dyed my hair again🤭 it’s now a deep purple and Im kinda obsessed lol it’s so fun for me!

Missed you so much Sam😭 I hope your week/weekend was great! Also hope that you’re treating yourself well because you deserve it bestie! Wishing you the absolute best as always and I’m sending you so much love!!!! LOVE YOU!!-💜

I wish you could see the face I made when I read "my girl was being used" RIP to us. You're not projecting, that was literally the point of her unfortunately. I am nearly out of nicknames. I am hitting the bottom of the barrel STRUGGLING to come up with more ideas. I'm trying not to be TOO cliche. I have a few more left in me and then I gotta start looking internationally (if I remember correctly, you speak Spanish. Is mi vida an acceptable pet name for a FMC? that was one of my ideas.) Poppy is basically Tulips I just wanted to do this storyline a lot. But they're essentially the same and I was worried that it would be too obvious but I'm glad it's still working! It seemed to be a hit for which I'm so grateful ��� Glad you liked it even if I broke your heart. I def loved making Harry sick but still caring for her. I think it's like the ultimate test of love.

WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE. He's smart, funny, he is OBSESSED with her. He brings her gummy bears and is so kind and caring about her past relationship. He's SO supportive and just lovely. Like she's writing a spicy roman-tasy novel and where I would be hella embarrassed (exhibit A being my secret blog life) she tells him all about it and he wants to read it and it's just so cute. He's also a wicked nerd. Which is adorable. Because he's like on the fast track to the NHL but here he is obsessed with Lord of the Rings. Like so adorable. I think basically I'm a softie for a book boyfriend that pays attention to the lead and is just so lovely.

I'm so sorry for your loss even if you're not that sad. I've been that way about the last few funerals I've been to, so no judgment here. Family really is the worst. Awkward convos and small talk is the worst AND ON YOUR LAST WEEK OF BREAK UGHHHHHH. I'm sorry, that sucks. I hope your quarter looks worse than it is. What's on your schedule this term? I love that you die your hair so often! I'm so not brave enough. I have virgin hair and have never done anything to it. Not really something I'm interested in enough to commit. I know it'll grow back and whatnot but still.

I treated myself by reading a whole book when I should have been working on lesson planning but oh well. There's always tomorrow 🤭

LOVE YOU!!!!

xoxo

[kdipshit]

Hard Knock Life ;

I’ve spent years trying to weed through this mess in my head, but it’s getting so clean now, It’s like the cord of thoughts in my brain was hiding some pretty cool stuff under it, pretty dope realisations. Yanno I didn’t go outside and run or walk or workout because my mum would laugh at the people who did that. I wouldn’t speak up because my mother would judge those who did. How can I say this without sounding like I’m an ungrateful daughter who doesn’t like her mum, that’s not true, that the furthest thing from the truth. I love my mother and I don’t blame her, I don’t even think I knew enough to even piece it all together. I feel like im making no sense, but im trying to read this damn chord but it’s hard. I feel like right now, im actually sick so maybe it’s the best time to talk about the rotten seeds imbedded in my brain, I’ve got a headache, im nauseous as fuck, im kinda high a little bit so im not in as much pain, my headaches aren’t fkn normal they’re fat fkn migraines that effects my neck, eye, temple, shoulder, jaw, sometimes it makes my teeth hurt or like they’re falling out lol, it’s pain I can’t open my eyes my vision goes black it’s so dramatic and so fitting for a BPD bitch lmao.

Anyways, I think that convo was getting a little like fucked up so I needed to get my mind off it, idk man I feel like I’m just rambling, I’m thinking too much about the reader and not shifting my attention back to just writing.

I have an appointment with my drug & alcohol Therapist tomorrow and like ugh. I’m feeling sick so it automatically makes me not want to go, she has only asked me of one thing, and that’s to sort my licence out, and do you think I’ve done that? No I haven’t done that, because idk why. I forgot. Like idk why I didn’t go do my licence, I guess I don’t fucking care that much. I don’t feel good today mannn, but I did still do my morning routine, most of it, which just consists on me cleaning my room, making my bed, putting music on and taking my meds lol, I’m back in bed now, but I still feel good and super grateful because my room is clean, my meds are taken, and I don’t really have to worry about anything else until a little later, I’ve given myself the space to chill, which I need sick she’s a sick girl. Oh yeah I applied for a job yesterday like full on went into the shop and handed my resume. I’m excited for the response. Sick of waiting for this other bullshit job, hours are better and it’s closer than my old job and my old job was literally 1km away.

I feel like my mum dropped me, not like physically, but she dropped her association with me when I was like 13-14 she kind of gave up on me and just let me run wild in my own brain, with no help or direction on where to go. She didn’t wanna talk to me about anything, she didn’t wanna hear anything from me, she didn’t care how I felt, what was going on at school, she didn’t care about me, or didn’t make it feel like she did, so I got a boyfriend who I became extremely codependent towards. My mum ignored me, for years, and didn’t talk to me unless we got drunk together, for years, I’m talking like 10 years she left me alone, it was awkward to talk to her, it was horrible, I missed a ghost it felt like, I missed her but I didn’t even know her.

Y’all I know I said goodbye but I’m soul tied to this man. I can’t let him go and I’m a freak for holding on still, thats how I feel, the last thing he said to me was how beautiful I am, and how much he loves me, so why is it so fucking horrible. Why does this feel so horrible, I shouldn’t reach out, thats not what I should do. Not anymore, I make myself look like an idiot, and all these thoughts are just so silly to me. But I miss him, and I don’t know if its because he’s my favourite person, or because he’s the only person to ever get that closet me… like he knows me in a way no one else can, I wouldn’t let them anyway…. I landed a job interview with a company I’m really enjoying, I don’t want to go because its a far journey, and its all too new, I just wish I had ‘him to talk to right now. I just wanna talk. It always turns into an argument, I miss him. ha. I do, I miss him, I still see him everywhere, I see him in me, I see him in everyone, and all the songs that are playing are song I was singing when we were together, yang, all that r&b shit, wee belong together by Mariah Carey just started playing, like, fuck off. Am I not tormented enough? I cant see myself with anyone else, and if that means I’m single forever then I’ve accepted that, and I’m okay with that, no one compares to my first love. And I’m not sick and tired anymore, I’m okay with that, I can understand that, and I’m okay. I guess he’s just a character that lives in my head, and thats the only way I can make peace with not being with him. Maybe he doesn’t even exist? Maybe he’s in a happy relationship, maybe I don’t even love him and I’m just in a mood swing, maybe im in love with someone else, maybe I’m in love with someone I can’t be with BECAUSE I can’t be with them, maybe I’m meant to be with someone else. Idk. Because I have loved after him, and some even more intense than my favourite person, but with my FP, I just don’t know….. I’m bound. Not for too much longer now… surely. I am so ready to let this go, soooooo ready. Omg, I still have his ring in my draw I gave him as a promise ring, he got me one swell, I know we were so married, anyways I still have his ring. Idk where it is but I know its hidden somewhere, that ring is my goodbye. I’ve always known it thats why I kept it. Just like I kept my goodbye from him for so long. The ultimate disrespect to myself. I was open for him for this long, my very first love, my first everything, it was 100% a relationship that was more grown than we were, way more grown. we were acting and living like we were so much older than we were. We were pretty locked in. And it was okay with me because I was following in my parents footsteps, young love, the seriousness, all the ugly. I accepted it all, and I loved all of him, for everything he was inside and out. ill always have love stored away somewhere for him, but choppitty chop chop Jesus Christ its HURTINGGGGGG MEEEEEEE. How??! gahh damnnn I’m tryinggg….. why don’t you fucking do it lmaooo, okay okay okay your right. Were gonna do it together girlie, aswell as let go of the anger I have towards my mother, since it all came out at the same time. Ugh, my counsellor told me to be honest tho so I am. I’m so much stronger than this, holding onto all of this bull fucking shit. I don’t need to hold onto anything, at all. The only thing that exist is this moment right now, thats it and thats all. Consciousness feels pretty trippy btw. Idk why I said that, I think I went into the void of the moment, lmao. Its good to not have to think or feel for use a little bit, everything disappears. All my problems leave, all my overthinking.

He kept me in line, and told me off, he guided me, he helped me, he loved me he cared for me. I can do all of that myself. If its really that, that I want. I guess I’m lonely, and he’s the only other person who can cure that for me. I feel a sensation of completeness when I’m talking to him, no matter the topic, or argument. I forgive him, and I let him go, please.

I love all my ex’s lol, not gonna lie, they all made me so crazy for them, all my ex FP’s , LMFAO, no one does it better, I wanna say I miss having a FP but I don’t, except for that one fkn FP that won’t loosen its grip on my mind, I’ve learned to live with him, its peaceful sometimes, but its still a fucking parasite. I’ve also decided I’m not going to take that job with that cool company in the city, its too far, ill keep an eye out for the other job I wrote a whole cover letter for. The universe has given me options and I am so thankful for that. Thank you thank you thank you. For everything, for it all <3 I was trying to whack the weeds out without looking at them in the eye, how rude.

[thesingingrevolution]

so many people complimented my dress and told me i looked pretty which was so nice….. i got attention from so many people but it kind of hurts that i got almost nothing from the people i craved it the most 🥲 i feel bad lmao i should he grateful but yeah

i don’t have a crush crush but there’s three guys i kinda of like, so recap:

• mechanical engineer, not in my program, was in one of my classes last year (we had “dinner”together once and i lost my shit it’s in an old post)

• neuroscience, in my program, he complimented me a lot at the beginning of the semester but hasn’t really talked to me recently :(

• literally not sure right now but it used to be biochem, in my program, roommate’s friend, have never met him

for the engineer guy i like him because he’s so sweet. he was already really nice to me and it’s so great to speak to someone who is kind like that. he’s really smart and outgoing, i enjoyed his company a lot and would like to be friends with him still, hopefully i’ll see him around more and we can get together some time. i considered asking him to this dance but since we weren’t super close i figured it would be awkward, and also taking a date would mean i don’t get to speak to others 😭 so that’s all for him, since the party was for people in my program and their dates. i forgot to emphasize more earlier but he is adorable. literally golden retriever type boy 😭

as for the neuro guy, he’s the one that’s literally stunning. i cant explain but so you have an idea i told another friend in my program today when i saw him in line and she literally said “he looks cute from the back” HE DOES. his face is perfect and he’s super super handsome. he’s really smart and i fucking love it when he talks in class cause his voice is sooooo deep and soothing and nice and i get so upset when he’s sick and doesn’t go to class it’s happened like twice already and it’s so annoying help 😭 anyway he used to tell me nice things sometimes and i went the opposite direction an embarrassing amount of times so i could talk to him a bit longer while we walked 🙃 anyway i feel like we haven’t spoken in so long and i feel very…. distant. but i literally catch him staring at me in class idk if im delusional but sometimes it seems like he might like me a little but it’s weird because he’s kind of reserved but also super popular im so confused regarding him. but what felt so nice was that when he saw me today he waved and smiled soooo beautifully i almost 🫠 we were in that aforementioned line though (I HATE THAT LINE 🎤) so i don’t know if he saw my dress i hope he did so many people liked it i hope he liked it too im ??/!/?/? i wish i could have talked to him…..

as for the last guy he just kinda proved to me it’s a waste of time lmao. he is really really cute on paper seems like everything i want but naur so bye to him because I KID YOU NOT this man spoke to everyone but me and he had drunk girls hanging off him all night this girl literally fell to the floor and he had to keep lifting her and it was just weird to see idk i am not about that so if that’s what he likes to do i am not going to butt in he can have these types of friends lmao but something tells me it’s not really my scene so 😭 but yeah. it’s nice he helped his friend but it rubs me the wrong way when someone is close with hundreds of drunk women sorry not sorry ?

the best part was definitely the neuro guy smiling at me. he looked so handsome. i hope i can get closer to him. we are so different but maybe. idk. i don’t want a boyfriend but it does give my life excitement. Heheh tee hee hee

[tweekfilms]

one year, ten thousand bad moments (and good)

happy new years eve from the i caught l-o-v-e au

unironically this was the best new years eve that chase had ever had.

nine months ago he would have said it was the worst new years eve because he had no boyfriend, a million load of emotions, and a breakup that still stung

now he could say that 2022 wasn’t the worst year nor the best year, it was just ok

“CHASE” molly screamed

“woah you have a lot of energy tonight” chase laughed as molly just shrugged

“i always have a lot of energy and you should know this” molly said

“anyways what’s up” chase asked

“we’re going to do a cheesy resolutions and what we’re thankful for so join us on the couch” molly bolted to the couch

chase sat next to alex who just smiled and asked

“what were you thinking about”

“this whole year. thinking about how the things that seemed to unphase me really did impact me” chase explained

“well why don’t we start with you. what’s your resolution and what are you thankful for” alex said a little too loudly which caught the attention of everyone else

“well um thankful for a good support system, this year hasn’t been full of ups especially march and i just became broken but as the year progressed i met someone who became my biggest support system and the best person in my life” chase looked at alex and he blushed

“as for resolutions, learn to fully heal from things in the past” chase shrugged

“aww we love you” molly cooed

“anyways my turn. im thankful for you all and even though you all piss me off sometimes, you’re my best friends and as for resolutions, get into college” gert tried to act slightly indifferent but her tone said the opposite

“im thankful for three new friends i got to meet this year and for nico who became my girlfriend after years of pining. my resolution… stay friends with you all for the rest of my life” karolina went up next and nico just softly kissed her

“well since its my turn, obviously im thankful for you all but i want to give chase a special thanks for making me be a part of your family and to your mom for making my dad happy and ive always wanted a brother and now im glad i have one” nico spoke

“awww so you love me” chase teased

“shut it stein” nico rolled her eyes

“what’s your resolution nico” alex asked

“make karolina the happiest she’s ever been” nico just gave karolina a soft look to which she just kissed her

“well im thankful for this amazing group of friends and you all really make my day. as for my resolution, i just want to pass freshman year” molly had a handful of food in her mouth when she spoke

“well that leaves me, im grateful to everyone in this room for being my friend. um chase you came into my life in the most unexpected way but i couldn’t have asked for a better person to well be my boyfriend and thank you for being such a beam of light in my life” alex was blushing and so was chase

“and your resolution” nico asked

“come out to my parents hopefully” alex sighed nervously and chase just took his hand

they continued to share stories from the year and by the time the clock reached 11:59, everyone got up to countdown

when the clock hit 12:00, chase heard nico say

“HAPPY NEW YEAR BITCHES”

chase let no time go to waste and gave alex a kiss and he was surprised but eventually kissed him back

“damn” alex laughed

“i meant every word i said” chase reminded him

“i’m glad you’re starting off 2023 with a smile on your face” alex said thoughtfully

“because of you and everyone else in this room. you brought the light back in my life” chase smiled softly

“well are you ready for what the new year will bring” alex asked as he held out his hand to chase

“ready as i’ll ever” chase took his hand as they went back to their friends who were still smiling and laughing

2023 will be kind to him

[lovers-in-japan-reign-of-love]

Btw Im bored and Im craving an angsty fic. Somehow I managed to be on your blog knowing your good at it. Anyway could you do part two of avenger cast x teen reader wherein the reader have cancer and got remission but rhis time the cancer is back. The cast and fans know about it and they are all supporting to your battle. When the cancer got worse the reader thought of giving up but the cast still encourage to fight. Its up to you if you want the reader die or not. (But for me I wanna more super angsty that I wanted reader to be dead lol)

So that's all hope you can make it and make my heart in tears heheheh. Anyway have a good day and be safe.

Notes: I’d like to thank @huntective-kyeo for the request!! I hope you enjoy it.

I mean no disrespect by writing or posting this, and in no way do I take the themes and topics discussed in this story lightly. So if you’re triggered by any of this, I suggest not reading it.

I would also like to apologize for any cancer treatment misinformation in this story. I will gladly change anything I get wrong.

I don’t own any of the gifs/pictures used.

Warnings: Some angst probably, mentions of cancer, depression, mentions of cancer treatment, spelling/grammatical errors, medical inaccuracies, cliffhanger, a really bad cliffhanger, anything else I failed to mention ⚠️

Characters: Vague mention of Marvel cast, possible mention of doctors and family members, anyone else I failed to mention

Part 1: Click Here

Masterlist: Click Here & Here

Word Count: 1305 (give or take)

You’re in bed, staring at the ceiling. The early signs of emotional numbness is beginning to take root, drowning the overwhelming emotions within you. Your brain refuses to process the information you’ve been told, which only makes the whole situation worse. Cause who wants to hear that their cancer came back? After fighting so hard to be in remission, it comes back at full force. Who wants to hear that? You recognized the signs that you were beginning to feel unwell, so you went to your doctor. They ran their tests, and you waited.

The somber tone in your doctor’s voice was all you needed. Unlike last time, you hadn’t caught it in the early stages. This comeback had been faster, a little more aggressive. It hadn’t progressed enough that it couldn’t be treated, but precautions were made to ensure your full recovery.

Your doctor recommended you begin treatment immediately, so you did. It was also recommended you let your work know, and you hesitated. You agreed that you should let them know, since they were fully aware of your last battle with cancer. Of course, they were only made aware once you were in the clear. And you’d been on a break from filming and promoting, so that gave you plenty of time for treatment and resting. Now... Now, you’re going to start filming in a matter of days.

After muddling over the topic, you chose to let the producers know. You sent them a quick text explaining the situation, and anxiously awaiting their response.

=================================

You’d been met with understanding from the producers, who were more than willing to put your scenes on hold until you recovered. While grateful for the accommodation, guilt began to flood you. How long are they willing to wait? The last time you had cancer, it took a long time before you fully recovered. Maybe you shouldn’t have agreed to the accommodation. Maybe you should’ve just sucked it up and done your scenes.

Fuck.

A knock snapped you out of your thoughts. You took a second to realize your doctor, Alanis Baker, was standing in the doorway to your hospital room. A small, but comforting smile was on her face, a clipboard in hand as she approached you.

During your first diagnosis, you’d been recommended to Alanis, having been told she was the one of the best in her field. It didn’t take long for you to see why. Her honest, personable behavior made it easy to get along with her. You came to realize that even though Alanis hated delivering bad news, she had to do it regardless of how it made her feel. She wasn’t known to sugarcoat anything; and while her bluntness may not be everyone’s cup of tea, you appreciated it. You needed it.

“Good morning, Y/N,” Alanis starts, a small smile on her face.

You mumble out a morning.

“We’re going to run a few tests,” your doctor explains. She’s giving you an almost apologetic look. “Just to see how everything’s going so far.”

You nod. Your heart feels like it’s jumped in your throat. You expected this, and you’re anxious to see how you’re progressing. It feels like you’re improving. You can only pray the test results match.

=================================

You’re… not improving. The cancer is seemingly getting worse. Still treatable, but it’s not reacting to the chemotherapy like the doctors had hoped. So that meant surgery. Probably multiple surgeries.

Alanis tried her damndest to inform you of all the benefits that come with surgeries, but you just couldn’t understand. You couldn’t understand why the cancer wasn’t going away with chemo. You couldn’t understand why it was getting worse. It didn’t make sense to you. Nothing your doctor, or any doctor could say would make you understand.

Part of you had to wonder if surgery would even do anything. If it progressed to the point where Alanis was attempting to sugar coat it, in her own way, then maybe you shouldn’t…

No, you think, snapping back into reality. You can’t give up, not now. You beat this before, you can do it again! You have to keep trying.

But is it worth it?

=================================

Your first surgery was fast approaching, and you were on the verge of throwing up. You knew it was important. You knew it was necessary to improve your health. But you were nervous. What if something went wrong? What if you didn’t wake up? What if it didn’t do anything?

What if you got worse?

“You feeling okay, kid?” Your ears perked at the voice. It was Robert. Him and a few of your co-stars had come down to visit you. The production crew let you have time off in preparation for your surgery, which was nice. But you needed something to keep you distracted. That’s where your co-stars came in. If they’d finished their scenes for the day they’d visit you or call or FaceTime—whatever they could do to stay in contact.

“Same as always,” you sighed. You didn’t tell them about how you were feeling. You didn’t want to hear what everyone else was saying. You’ll get better. Just keep fighting. You’re so strong, you’ll get over this. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. You were numb to the comfort they intended to bring.

Robert nodded, “I can’t imagine what you’re going through,”—here it comes—“but don’t let it control you.”

Your brows furrowed. “What do you mean,” you asked.

“Don’t let your thoughts control you,” he said, giving you a gentle look. “You’ll have your ups and downs, and those downs will feel like they’re suffocating you. Don’t let them take over. You’ll get better, you will.”

You knew there was truth in his words. Robert had his own struggles, his own ups and downs. He was speaking from his own experiences.

“I’ll try,” you said. “I can’t make any promises though.”

“Do what you can.” He placed a hand on your shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. “We’ll be here for you every step of the way.”

==================================

The day of your surgery came faster than you thought. Robert’s voice rang in your head, and you tried to focus on that instead of your nerves. Your family, after wishing you well, was escorted to a waiting area.

After all the necessary preparation, you were put under.

==================================

It felt like only minutes later that you woke up. You were groggy, your mind hazy from the drugs. Was the surgery successful? Deep down, buried under the disappointment and growing cynicism, you hoped it was. You didn’t want to be sick anymore.

You heard voices. They sounded muffled, far away. Turning your head, you saw the door to your room was slightly ajar. You squinted, but your vision seemed blurry. After what felt like a lifetime, your family walked in with the doctor behind them. They were smiling but there were tears in their eyes.

“How’re you feeling?” the doctor asked.

You hummed softly. “’M fine,” you slurred. “Tired.”

The doctor smiled. “We’ll make sure you get lots of rest, okay?” You nodded. “You’ll stay here with us until you’re well enough to head home, how does that sound?”

You mumbled a ‘fine.’

“Okay.” The doctor’s smile looked almost strained before looking at your parents. “I’ll give you all a minute. Call us if you need anything.”

Your mother nodded. She was trying her damndest not to cry.

“What’s wrong?” you mumbled.

“Nothing,” your mother said, her voice soft but shaky. “We’re just happy you’re awake.”

You hummed and nodded.

“You did great today, (Y/N),” your father remarked. His voice sounded strained. “You’ll be out of here in no time.”

You smiled and nodded. You were starting to fall back asleep. Maybe once you’re more cognizant, you’ll ask about the surgery. And why your parents seemed so upset.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

@ceciele

[spikesbimbo]

Drunk in Love

Summary:  Getting drunk and confessing your love for your “boy” friend and fucking him was most definitely not what you expected to go down on the usual night.

Pairing: Issei Matusukawa x Reader

Tags: Timeskip!Tattoed Mattsun, softdom!issei Hurt/comfort, friends to lovers, smut, fluff, virgin!reader, Unptrotected sex, non-penetrative sex, fingering, oral, pussy/thigh job, clit slapping, sweet dirty talk, praise, drunk sex

Word count: 7.2k

A/N: I heard pussy job and I wrote a whole ass novel

18+ Minors DNI

You run your finger over the condensation of your empty drink, drawing shapes (or what you thought to be shapes, you couldn’t tell at this point) waiting for your dear friend, Makki to bring you a refill of your cocktail.  

“Here ya go.” Makki said as he returned with your beloved Malibu Sunset. The smooth coconut rum bringing you back to your first and favorite drink that you ever got drunk on in high school. You smiling at the memory

“Thanks.” you say. Your reply being mumbled by the liquid already in your mouth.

This all started with Iwaizumi calling Mattsun up, you and Makki hearing “You wanna get wasted?” on the other side of the phone. And with pleasure, you two were already packing your stuff up, shoving yalls “pregame” bottles back in the bag. The three of you made your happy way there climbing through the fence of the abandoned skate park you were in. Needles to say it was abandoned for a reason, but what’s life without a little danger.

You three and the rest of the third years have been friends since high school, meeting in freshman year, and now including Oikawa’s girlfriend. You actually didn’t like Oikawa at first, his “pretty boy” demeanor making you internally cringe. But his personality grew quickly on you, being the perfect target to tease you and Iwa clowning him over everything.

Now back to you on your nth drink, complaining about your previous job that fired you because u got injured, even though you know you wouldn’t have lasted long there anyways because you weren’t that academically inclined. Bright? Whatever you wanted to call it.

And as-usual it wasn’t long before your crybaby ass immediately called Makki and Issei and “tried” your best to tell them what happed with your dramatic self-induced tears running down you race, while Makki urged to you to try to calm down and Issei straight up laughing at the state your were in, snot running out of your nose. You recoiling at the thought, hoping they forgot. (Spoiler, they didn’t)

But now you nanny for a rich couple and you get payed good to play with cute babies all day, sounds good to you! Luckily, you had the week off due to them going on a vacation, you think it was France, no, the south of France. Must be nice.

Cue to now, Mattsun chuckling and leaning on you and Iwaizumi; both of you, especially Iwa, being visibly done with his shit. Him reminding you about the times you bought him some random shit, which you went out of your way for since he always payed for you, like that chopper keychain because you said it reminder you of him.

He didn’t know what compelled you to say his 6’2, tattooed built self looked like a tiny reindeer but okay. It still meant a lot to him, hooking it onto his motorcycle keys. But you knew he appreciated it, despite his appearance he’s a softie.

“You wanna try this’” He says gaining his composure offering you one of the shots he got.

You took one of the mini glasses, not being the type to back down and promptly swung the drink to the back of your mouth, quickly coughing before it even reached your throat.

“This shit is fucking gross.” You coughed out bringing the glass down from your lips.

  “Imagine being sober. Can’t relate.” He said taking another shot.

  “I guess I should do that but ive passed the point of giving a fuck” You said sending yall into a giggling fit while somehow Makki was thrown in to support yall from falling over. You two carry on laughing ignoring everyone’s stares at you thinking about how much yall fit perfectly together.  

   Makki rearranges himself to sit back in his chair, far away, from the both of you, whispering “Damn. I’m really third wheeling.” under his breath. Getting a snicker out of Oikawa sitting next to him.

   “When your best friends are ignoring you. Sad times.” He continues bringing his bottle to his mouth getting no response.

  Issei chuckles and gets up shoving his hands in his pocket reaching for the cigarettes. Pulling them out while failing to find his lighter

  “Fuck.” He muttered

  “Any’all got a light?”

  No one responds so you sacrifice yourself “Yeah” you say reaching into your pocket grabbing out your prized possession of a hot pink, bedazzled lighter that you did yourself, reaching out to hand it to him.

  “Don’t lose it” you stated seriously trying not to break a smile.

  “K’ sweet cheeks.” He said smirking into the butt between his lips as he walked away. Your face now burning up, hoping that everyone would think it was because of the alcohol.

  You mind wanders, thinking about the “dates” you two go on, from watching shows you “forcing” him to watch some romantic anime, to going to the skatepark, to playing video games with the rest of the 3rd years (which you don’t really like but you’ll play for him) and him surprising you with takeout, you bringing out candles trying your best to make it cute with him telling u everything you everything about his day.

  And you always tried to remain calm, even though sometimes he deserved to get his ass beat, like that one time he broke one of your favorite pair of heels. It honestly hurt him even more, he wanted you to get mad at him but no, you just acted like nothing happened. Making the guilt rise in him. Let’s just say didn’t have to lift a finger for the next few weeks.

You basically babied him, taking care of all his “chores”, mainly making him food when you were at his place knowing he hated doing it. Makki teasing you for acting like his housewife, leading to you slapping the shit outta him while trying to cover your now red cheeks.

You’ve never been so grateful for your attire at the moment, blessing yourself for not wearing your usual outfits of short skirts and cute tops, defending yourself saying what housewife dresses in beat up vans and baggy clothes. You definitely not imaging yourself in that position for the rest of the day.

 You expressed that you just liked to take care of people, which was true. You always looked out for them, bringing an extra umbrella, to bringing cookies you made at 2 in the morning to school, always carrying band-aids (yes, the paw patrol ones you took from the kids you babysit).

You checked the time on your phone seeing it was late since the sun at last went down, your lock screen being your dogs to their complaint since they have a group photos of you all from high school as theirs. To which you replied “They’re my babies” getting a groan and huff out of them.

  Seeing the notifications of your group chat you grinned at the contact name you and Issei gave each other; yall jokingly call each other pet names, his contact being honeybun and yours being pumpkin, even including Makki in your contacts as pudding bc then it wasn’t weird, right? no.

  “What’re you smiling at y/n?” Oikawa cheekily asks teasing you. You turn to him giving him a dirty look, not having enough energy to deal him right now.

  “Don’t listen to his bullshit.” Oikawa’s girlfriend says. You’re thankful for her. She was always on your side, being the only other girl in your friend group. To be honest you just wanted her and you to hang out most of the time, but of course to your disapproval her boyfriend and his friends had to join in.

  “Fuck this. Fuck you. I’m sleeping.” You say getting up to her objection, the only thing on your mind wanting to retire for the night.

  “You sure you’ll be fine? Let us at least walk you home.” She said already grabbing her boyfriend’s arm.

  “Nah, im good. I live right down the road.” You try to say not slurring. The last thing you want is him teasing you even more, especially in this state, knowing you, you’d probably start crying at the slightest irritation when youre this drunk.

    You started to “walk” towards your house resting  your hand against the brick walls to not lose your balance, leading you to run into Issei. You stopped to watch him lean against the alley holding a cigarette between his index and middle finger.

  “I’m hiding like a bitch” He says noticing you, resting his weight against the wall.

 “Wanna be a bitch with me? He grinned  blowing out the smoke out with his words.

You didn’t reply, just walking over to him, just being around him made you feel warm.

"Fuck its windy.” He says trying to light a new cig.

“C’you make me a house?” He asks.

You go up and put your hands around his cigarette, this not being your first time. Your hands wrap a little tighter to prevent the wind from burning out his flame. He joins you with his free hand helping, finally getting his cig to light.

 “Thanks doll” He smirks.

“No problem princess.” You reply earning a laugh out of him.

He takes his first hit with his and your hands still wrapped around it. He gets an up-close look at your hands, noticing how tiny they were, seeing all the scars that he never noticed, making a mental note to ask you how you got them later.

His head gets close to yours for the first time in a while due to his height. You glance at his face, noticing his features seeing some stubble growing on his face.

“You ain’t shave?” You ask, never seeing it in the past, while he was moving back up, blowing the smoke away from you.

“What, you don’t like my majestic beard? “He jokes. Making you giggle almost losing your balance before catching yourself on the wall.

  “s’too much work.” He starts. “You wanna shave it for me?” he says slightly leaning towards you. Handing you back your lighter knowing you didn’t need him to carry it because your pants actually had pockets in them for once.

You let out a soft laugh not responding again. He catches on, you got quiet when you were tired and he made out that you were walking towards your house.

“You going home?” he asks already knowing the answer.

“Yeah.” You respond more than happy to have him walk you back, him already moving to walk next to you.

He walks you home, you two talking about random shit, both of you forgetting about your skateboards leaving Makki to deal with them. And even though you’re drunk as fuck you’re still in the right state of mind, carrying a normal conversation with him. But just because you’ve built a tolerance doesn’t mean you can do basic tasks, like walk correctly.

When he reaches your house, he types in the keycode, your first dogs birthday, being glad that you, him and Makki have each other’s memorized.

He leads you into you house setting you on the couch, petting your dogs that ran up to him.

“Mommy’s not feeling too good” He said giving them the affection they deserved.

“Yes I am.” You slurred getting them attention on you now.

He walked over to your counter putting on the playlist that you two made together on shuffle, High fashion being the first to play. You didn’t like when it was quiet because too many thoughts would run though your head. You were in no way sad, singing the lyrics while you were laughing barely being able to hold yourself up as proof.

Remembering you were tired, he takes you off the couch and borderline carries you to your room, , setting you on your plush blankets that you had so many of because it was warm and comfy.

 “Easy, there. Try to sit up.”He said, trying to ask you what draws your pj’s were in because he didn’t want to snoop around; neither of you being bothered that you were half naked, what’s the difference between panties and a bikini, he thought remembering the times you’ve been to the beach together.  

Well it was maybe the fact that you were clinging onto him because u stumbled into him and he was closest stable thing around and you wouldn’t let go because it was cold and you couldn’t stop shaking.

 He ignores his thoughts and grabs the shirt he got out figuring you don’t need to change your bra because you told him and Makki that it was normal to keep it on for a few days after they were in awe as you were explaining how expensive they were. You calling Oikawa’s girlfriend to prove your point as she immediately agreed with you…Sometimes you might have got a little too comfortable with them.

You hear the song in the background change to Love Songs, you humming along, “Hope you smile when you listen.”

You were still holding on to him, your boobs squeezing against him, him only being able to put a t-shirt on you, while you looked up at him with your red glossy eyes making him burn up.  

You fidget timidly with your face now in his chest while gripping his sweater. Trying to build up the little courage you had. He tilts your head up making you look at him, wondering what you were thinking about.

  You try to express yourself, but you can’t get the words out him having no idea what is going on in your head at the moment.

“It’s okay to be nervous sometimes. Tell me” He gently says reading your body language. He was intuitive, so there was no way you could hide your feelings from him.

But you knew you could trust him, him having full self-control, always staying collected and following through on what he said he’d do.  He went out of his way to avoid any friction coming between you two, him never raising his voice or starting an argument.

“We need to talk.” You started. “About something important.”

“Ok…What is it?” He questioned rubbing his hands on your back. You were so nervous, were you really about to say this? Confess your feelings that you’ve pushed to the back of your heart for so long?

“I… I l… I love your face. And the stuff in it. and around it.” You spoke, being surprised you did it stutter.

He stood there, hands stopped moving trying to process what you just said.

“Just you, in general…”  You finally confess trying to state three things at once barely getting your words out.

But he understood exactly what you meant, or maybe he was warping what you said to fit what he wanted.

  "I don’t even know when I started liking you, but this shit won't go away." You restated

  Nope. He clearly just heard you say that.

  He doesn’t understand what’s so different about today. Yall have been in this scenario multiple times taking care of each other, sometimes including another into the mix.  

You didn’t understand either. You just felt like the time was right, even though you know it wasn’t the best idea to confess while you were drunk off your ass.

But you couldn’t help it, your feelings overflowing, which you never until this day let get the best of you, being vulnerable and trusting is not your usual . Youve never even had a crush on anyone, him being to only in your whole life to make you blush.

  Who you been vibin' wit and why I can't make you mine?

  You should have seen the signs that you feel for him when he helped that lady that lives down the street from him set up her Christmas lights or when he first met your dog that wasn’t fond of men, but it instantly liked him. And you loved his selflessness it was something you admired and applauded.

  “y/n” He tries talking you down, making sure you weren’t just saying this because of alcohol, deep down knowing he felt the same, you always being in the back of his mind.

You were generous with your time too, always being there for him. You knew he was softer than he appeared, he was tender, sensitive and vulnerable. He tried his hardest to not get into situations where anyone would get hurt, like breakups, arguments, and so on.

Which is why he won’t make the first move. He pushes his feelings to the back of his head. He values your friendship more than anything, but he can see what develops. If love is meant to be, it will happen.

I told you I am down for the worse or the better. But I keep sticking to you cause them four stupid letters

    “You make me so happy. And I’ll always care about you. Okay? He says breaking the silence, trying to reassure you.  

  “You mean so much to me—something I can’t even put into words because nothing can compare- I’ve wanted you since that day you tripped and bust your ass in the school hallway I still want you even though you drive me insane.”

  “Iss-“ You tried to get out only to have him continue talking over you.

  "I love that you can’t leave the house without a jacket. I love the wrinkles that appear on your forehead after you call me crazy. I love that it takes you hours to get ready. I love that you always know how to make me feel better. I love that even when you don’t agree with my decisions you always trust me to make them.  I love that when I spend a day with you, I can still smell you on my clothes; and I love that you are the last person I think of  before I go to sleep at night."

  You stood there awestruck for what feels like eternity until you mustered the bravery to speak “I didn’t expect you to feel the same way-” You said, being dumbfounded because from what you’ve seen treats everyone “nice”, were you really getting special treatment?

  He tilts your chin up, locking his dark eyes with yours. “Baby I don’t know if your notice but you and Makki are my only people that aren’t my family that call me my first name.”

He has a point. You think pushing yourself more into him, trying to fuse your bodies together to hide, not relaxing what you were doing to him. He tries to nudge your legs to the side but you won’t let go still clinging onto him.

“fuck” He groans. You pulling back wondering why until you looked down and noticed. A smirk appeared on your face as you reattached your self to him like velcro. You were feeling bold, the liquid courage still in your system driving you to slide your fingers down his chest, looking him in the eyes before stopping at his waistband.  

He knows what you’re doing, him being in this position multiple times. Does he really want to ruin your friendship like this? He hasn’t even asked you to be his girlfriend. He tries to push you off him already knowing you were gonna complain. But what he didn’t expect was for you to whimper out his name in that pretty voice of yours.

 He tried to keep his calm, blood already rushing down. “You know what you’re doing”

“yeah” You start.

“y’don’t want me?” Giving him your pouty face that you know he’s weak for, hoping that’ll work, insecurity piling up. Was it because your boobs weren’t that big or that fact that you were dressed like man? Was he not attracted to you right now, only liking you when you were dolled up?

“Fuck” You think. You should have worn something cute instead of dressing like a whole ass man even with your makeup fully done. Its not like you were supposed to know you were gonna get fucked today.

His were burning holes into you now, thinking of how to say “No, I would be more that happy to fuck you!” to his best friend, soon regaining his consciousness finally speaking.

“Fuck no doll, ive wanted you for a minute. You know me better than I know myself. How did you not notice my feelings?”

 You got me singing love songs, love songs, love songs

“You’re really hard to read” You replied trying to maintain your seductive act, resting your hands back on his chest.

“So are you.” He said lowering his head, you still looking up at him, taking in your gleaming eyes.

Sex ain't the only thing that's on my mind But you get me so excited, whoa

Your heart was beating so wildly that you could only take little sips of breath. His hands running down your waist stopping at your hips.

“Can I kiss you?" He asks "...yeah” you attempted to say as confidently as you could, nodding your head along with it.

His face bent down, hot mouth breathing over you. His lips slowly moved, brushing over yours, the liquor on his lips that you hated; only choosing fruity drinks even though you got relentlessly teased you for it.  You pushed further into the kiss desperately wanting more. Your teeth clicking his from being impatient, wanting to suck him in. Your hands sliding under his shirt subconscious desires reaching out.

Irreplaceable Tattoos from your neck that drop down to your ankles

“You’re drunk…” he says snapping you out of your trance.

“So are you.”

He dove in for another kiss much more passionate than the previous one, arguably needy, pusing you on the bed to which you more than happily comply. He tugs back not letting his mind get the best of him, disconnecting your spit trial leaving you panting. “You sure this alright?” He says deep down hoping you still say yes.

  You pull him back for your answer, your grabby little hands working their way back up his shirt. He gets the hint and pauses your lips rendezvous, taking off the turtleneck that he looked oh so good in, before seeing his unclothed body.  You’re admiring his body in a new way, before just complimenting him whenever he got a new tattoo, now up under him tracing them like a lovestruck teenager.

“When did you get this one?” You quietly ask, his ears closer to you than they’ve ever been.

“I got it that day you faked sick”

“What! You said were gonna take me!” You sulked, turning your head away from his as much as you could, crossing your arms.

He let out a slight laugh before gently taking your face in his hands, guiding you back into the kiss.

This is not really what he imagined for your first time. He’s an old-fashioned romantic who likes to take one step at a time. But then again nothing was ever normal with you. That said, when he falls in love, he falls deep.

“You’ve done this before?” You uttered.

“Hmm?” He mumbles, unmoving his lips from you kissing you, moving towards your neck.

“You still with that other girl?”

“No. I broke it off her, everything that came out of her mouth was bullshit, and no she wasn’t my girlfriend.”

“You didn’t trust her? You added. Trying to distract him until you could think of a way you could say “hey in my 21 years of life I’ve never got passed kissing a guy.”

“Our relationship was purely built on lies, I’d second guess everything she said. He replied, wondering if you were interrogating him.

“Why’d you wanna know?” He asked bringing his face up from your skin.

“…No one’s ever touched me like this, fuck.” You bashfully admitted, thoughts racing through your head that he didn’t want you anymore because you weren’t experienced.

But he knew what was running through that pretty head of yours, his fingers reaching out to with your hair trying to comfort you.

“You’re a virgin?” He curiously asked dragging his hand to your cheek, you leaning into it.

“y-yeah” you muttered trying to move your eyes away from his looking down at his body.

“I thought you had a boyfriend before” he said, softly turning your jaw to make you look at him. Your eyes diverted from his arms back to his eyes.

“We weren’t actually dating” You quickly say trying to clear up the misunderstanding. “He was my friend and seatmate that pretended to be my fake boyfriend to get me out of some trouble” you spewed out “and I guess I forgot to tell everyone that it was fake.”

“Even if we were that doesn’t mean we fucked.” You sheepishly replied.

“So… what trouble did your fake boyfriend get you out of.” He questioned knowing how much trouble it must have been for you, miss independent, to go to such lengths.

“Umm, well…this guy wouldn’t stop flirting with me even after I told him I don’t like him, even following me to my other classes.”

He wasn’t surprised, you were definitely a sight for sore eyes, in fact the prettiest thing he’s laid his eyes on, your beaming eyes, your dimple when you smiled, your pretty face, your “ugly” laugh, he could go on for days.

“Why are we talking about this” You whined, reaching your hand back out to him.

He took a hint and continued kissing you, bringing you closer to him while you attempted to take you shirt off. His hands helping you seeing as that you were struggling, being lost in his touch, finishing by moving you up more on you bed, pushing your plushies out of the way, to your protested because “they had feelings too.”

He ignored you, bending down to pull your panties off stopping once he saw the slick coming through them.

“Fuck baby you’re wet” He breathed dragging his fingers across your clothed slit earing a whimper from you, leaving his fingers drenched.

 Shawty, you wanna feel good, I wanna feel good too Don't I make you feel good?

“M’always wet.” you responded.

From what? He questions taking off your soaked cotton panties, tossing them to the side.

“From me?” He smirks bringing his hand back towards your heat. You not even comprehending what he just said, just knowing that you’re ashamed of how worked up you were getting.

You were in awe. You’ve always known his hands were big, but in this situation your mind wondered. His fingers were so much bigger than yours knowing you can barely fit two inside your with out it hurting, and not in a good way.

“Do you know how pretty you are? It’s honestly distracting.”. He says kissing down your whole body, stopping at your breasts, licking lazily around and coming back to the nub. The attention on your nipples making you squirm and he finally lets go, you grateful that he stopped or you would have almost cum, how embarrassing.

“I thought you said were gonna get them pierced” He remembered, you going on a whole rant about how cute they were.

“You said u were gnna get em with me” You looked back on, reminding yourself making him promise to get them with you because you were too scared of the pain.

“That was the same day you played sick and I got that tattoo.” He stated lightening the mood, hoping you can calm yourself down before you actually embarrass yourself.

He picks back up and continues kissing all the way down your body, you playing with his hair while biting your lip to muffle your moans and whine until he reaches your entrance.

He parted your legs, your pussy laid out before him, believing you no have reason to be shy about it either. He paused, admiring your swollen cunt and puffy clit, you were beautiful.

The feeling that he didn't want anyone else ever in his position overtook him. He let out a little breath on your clit and you thrashed around. He wasn't going to play. “I’ll take care of you.”

His lips travel over your skin, light and heated before settling himself between your legs, grabbing you by your thighs and dragging you closer. “That tickles.” you giggle, nerves making you kick your legs, almost hitting him in the face before he grabs them. He puts them down locking your legs with his arms, lowering himself until he’s on the ground facing you.

“Does it make you nervous when I stare?” he teases while your covering your face trying to hide the blush he caused.  He puts his mouth on you, quickly gripping your thighs, his hands leaving imprints in your skin dragging you even more into him, deprived kisses taking over your body. 

“yer so pretty” You purred seeing the sight of his big build between your legs, your fingers grabbing onto his curly dark locks, tugging them.

  Issei moans, his voice radiating through your body, forcing out a cry, blessing him with your pretty voice. “I-Issei!” You cry, never feeling like this before, your vibrator and hands doing it no justice.

“Shh, just look at me, doll.”

You can barely make out what he says, so drunk on pleasure. You try your best, doing anything to see the pretty man beneath you. But you get interrupted by your pleasure, your back arching not being able to control your body, grinding down to meet his lips, heat rising in you.

He kisses through your wetness playing with your bud. You choking on your spit, back arching again your body tensing up. “Issei,” You beg, grabbing him knowing what you want but not being able to express it. Luckily he can read you like an open book, knowing what you want, driving you over the edge as he makes you see stars. “Good girl,” he sighs when he feels you let go of his wrist letting him bring you your first orgasm.

“Look at your thighs shaking so much.” He teasingly cooed, wrapping his hands around them, bringing you out of your daze.

Shawty, your body is so exciting

Arching your back into the blankets, letting out a whine “Want your fingers.”.

He lets out a condescending laugh. “You need to learn to be patient. You just came and you’re already so eager for more?”

But by the time he finished your body went limp, you were totally weak, body loose-limbed and pliant. Your mind clouded by lust and deep in your own world. You gasped out a little sob, unable to comprehend anything beyond the discomfort and the need to have it gone. You can’t think straight all you can do is take action, grabbing his arm him easing his fingers into to you.

It’s not too tight, is it?” you ask clenching around his fingers.

 “Just relax… let yourself feel it” He says barely being able to move in you. Fuck so were so tight.

“I love the way you look with my fingers inside you.” He added starting to thrust them inside you, making you let out a string of moans.

“Look how good you take it.”  

“Fuck, you’re so messy.” He groaned feeling the slick running down his hands, before taking them out.

“Issei-i,” You cried when he pulled away, pleasure leaving you, tears coming back.

  He shushes you easily, his fingers wiping your tears. You were so precious to him, your moans music to his ears.  He slows down repositioning his fingers, making you let out a whimper squeezing around them. Your brains so crowded you can’t focus, can’t gather the strength to speak when he thrust them faster inside you.

  Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you fell back, fingers curling inside you, chanting his name over and over, incoherent words coming out of your mouth begging for more. 

You pussy tightens as you cum, unable to breath, letting out gasps and whines. Him still fucking you, fingers not stopping, pushing them in and out relentlessly feeling both pain and pleasure. You lay there, wet in your own cum not giving yourself a break before you went and got what you really wanted, his cock.

His eyes followed the movement of your hands as they pushed down his boxers, revealing the length of his cock, that jutted proudly from his hips. He was so pretty, so virile and handsome. Wondering how lucky you were to be in such a position with him.

You pushed away those thoughts and focused on him, pulling him forward gently, but he followed his encouragement. One of his hands tilted his cock down toward your lips. “Open your mouth for me, baby.”

You parted them instantly, tongue sliding slightly outward, and then you whimpered as the warm weight of his cock slid into your mouth. You let your eyes flutter closed and swirled your tongue around the tip of his cock not knowing exactly what you were doing, but it was working, tasting the salty tang of the precum that wept from his leaking slit. You moved your tongue as the he put his hand into your hair, gripping the strands and pushing deeper into his mouth.

“You look so good on your knees like that. “He says meeting your eyes once again, almost cumming from the picture below him.

“Slowly, baby, I’m not going anywhere.” He says slowing you down by grabbing your hair, making a pace that you follow.

“Yeah, that’s it, baby, just like that.” Seeing that sinful look in your eyes with your redden swollen lips.

You moan feeling yourself drip down your thighs, getting even wetter giving him head. Trying to ease the discomfort by closing your legs, griding them together, trying to find some friction. Your ears hearing “That’s so fucking hot.” watching the scene unfold beneath him.

Your jaw hurts, trying got make him cum faster using your hands and lips together hollowing your cheeks. “Oh fuck, oh, Jesus, fuck yes, there, just like that, fucking Christ" he groans out, his voice sounded beautiful to your ears, knowing he was about to cum.

He finally lets go cumming in your mouth, you swallowing it all, trying not to wince at the taste. “Did I do good” You ask waiting for his reply. Your doll eyes, so red and worn out looking up at him for approval. Fuck he was whipped.

“Yeah…fuck baby”

I love when you get on top and you ride it

You get back under him, his cock resting on you, drenched and clenching around nothing, resting in your cum. You working yourself up against him.

“What makes you think I’m going to fuck you?” He says to your complaint.

“You’re not ready yet.” he mumbles against your whining. Spreading your legs, slapping your clit a few times before letting his cock rest on your folds. Finally getting “seated” he picks up your legs and puts them both on one of his shoulders your thighs warming his cock, your knees touching his cheek not moving, getting a kick out of how desperate your were for him.

“s-stop being mean” You cried reaching out for him to come closer, needing affection after all you’ve been though.

“Aww, poor baby, you want me to take care of it for you? He says leaning into you, reaching your kiss, tasting the remnants of the cum in your mouth.

He plundered your mouth and slowly teased his cock over your entrance, catching it against your clit and making you whimper into the kiss, clearly wanting to be fucked. Your kiss turned you sucking on Issei’s tongue and lips, biting the swollen pout until his lips were red and puffy. He pulled back and looked down at you, a beautiful mess under him.

His fat cock head pushed between your folds. The moan escaping both of your lips was primal. You were turned on beyond imagination and the way he was thrusting forward, spreading his leaking precum on your wet clit was almost too much. He quickly picked up his pace fucking your folds, his warm head brushing against your clit with every movement, but your greedy self wanted more.

The fact that he made you cum so easily made you proud. Just because you’ve never gone this far with someone else doesn’t mean you’ve never cum, you’ve had a lot of practice over the years, being insatiable, the sheets soaked underneath you from your previous orgasms being proof.

“Keep your eyes open, look at me, baby.” He moans getting your attention him.

You tried, you really tried, but the way he was stroking you, imagining what it’d be like to actually sit on his cock, the lewd sounds echoing in the background leaving you unable to focus.

He taps on your cheek eventually getting you look at him, keeping your mind on him by placing his fingers in your mouth you letting him, hazily sucking on them, not being able to close your mouth.

“Oh, baby, you’re drooling everywhere.” He grumbles. Your spit dripping onto his fingers, the friction of your thighs making him feral, moving at an even faster pace. Your body bouncing with every thrust.

“You gonna cum after I cum on your little clit? Come one more time for me, I know you’ve got it in you.” You sob feeling the puddle beneath you, time slowing, fire pooling in your tummy.  Listening to his words you let yourself go. You come with a silent scream as the pleasure ripped through your body, your nails scratching his soft skin. Your vison fading to black feeling him lose his rhythm and moaning a mixture of curse words along with your name, feeling him cum on your tummy before resting his head in your neck while letting your legs go.

“So good for me, look at how much you came.” He says breaking the static. You whining into his shoulder, emotions high, never doing this before.

“I know, baby, I know. I’m right here, just breathe.” He says. You two laying in silence for an unclear amount of time, him rubbing your back while you rest in his chest almost dozing off.

“Are we still…friends?” You croak out trying to hold back your sobs already knowing the answer that you two were defiantly not friends now and never would be just friends again.

“Friends don’t do this type of shit” He maintained grabbing your shoulders to sit you and him up. You were worried, did he only do this with you because he was drunk? You were anxious that you scared him away because you just poured your heart out to him and pushed yourself on him. You left your head down, tears already coming out to your dismay. You moved your hand up to wipe them but he beat you to it.

“Look at me… I love you.” He says holding your cheeks in his palm. You in awe, hoping that you weren’t imagining it, that this was real life.

“R-really” You question making him worry too, preferring to forgive and forget rather than letting this a divide between the two of you in case you went back on your feelings. You were so overwhelmed, never feeling love until this moment, so happy that the person you longed for liked you back. Yours tears running once again.

 “Shh, shh, it’s alright...Don’t cry.”

You don’t even know why you were crying, the hangover already getting to you making you get a headache. You groaning in his arms complaining that your head and throat hurt.

“Ill be back” he says detaching himself from you, letting you know he was coming right back.

He walks to your fridge opening it to see every drink but water, having too dig through all of them, especially the absurd amount of apple juice guessing it was your “once a year craving for it”. He finally got you some cold water, putting It in a cup and waked back to your room.

  “Issei” you whined not picking your head up from the pillow.

  “Shh baby im right here.”

  He sat down beside you on your bed lifting your head up. “Here drink this” he reassured, to which you ignored not wanting anything to go in your mouth, just wanting the day, or night as it was now, to end.

  “It’s just water, honey, look.” You sat yourself up with his help seeing him in just his boxers, you remembering your still naked, not caring enough to cover yourself. He held to glass to your mouth, babying you, tilting it far back enough to where you could drink it. The water hit the back of your mouth feeling like a shot making you cough.

“I know, it hurts. I’m sorry but we have to” He stated. You continued to drink it, feeling the stinging in the back of your throat, him comforting you, calling you “good girl” which was unsurprisingly working.

  He put the cup on your dresser when you finished, climbing back into bed with you leaning your body into his. “Have you ever thought about...us? Y’know, as an...item?” he said causing you to look at him with wide eyes.

 “Call me selfish, but I don’t ever want anyone else to touch you.” He insisted making you cheeks flush. You try to think of a way to respond, not wanting to keep him waiting.

“You’re the best thing that has, and ever will, happen to me. Not only am I deeply in love with you, you’re my best friend.” You stammer out, your shaky hands somehow made there way to his neck, letting them fall slowly before he grabs them dragging you in for a kiss before you got to even see his face.

“Everybody has always thought we’re a couple.” He continued taking his time kissing you all over your face. “Then I guess we should be.” You retort, kissing him back before you could see his reaction, not wanted to be embarrassed anymore today. But he caught you, holding you still “Really “y/n? Like deadass?” He asked.

  “Yes dummy, I want to be your girlfriend” You say causing him to grin swearing you’ve never seen him smile that big, before he gives you one last kiss.

  “I always kiss you on the cheek, why are you blushing now? He teases laying back down, you following along. You just snuggle into him mumbling something along the lines of “m’tired”, he understanding and speaking to you in a soft, gentle voice while helping you to bed, so he doesn’t make it harder for you to sleep by being loud. “I’m here love, I’m not going anywhere.” He whispers into your ear mkanig your heart swoon one last time before you pass out.

  “I l-love you issei.” You sleepily mumble.

“Tell me this when you’re sober.” He says stroking your head.

“Just relax, close your eyes...”He murmurs, your heart beating slower every second. Both of you together, lazy, slow presses. Limbs pressed together, chests heaving, fingers trailing down backs, tracing lazy patterns.

  “Oh!…” He remembers. “If you really wanna get them pierced, we could get matching ones.”

© all content belongs to spikesbimbo. do not alter or repost .

[pwarkluv]

❝ idk you yet ❞ - p.js

park jisung x reader | angsty, fluff | 1.6k words 

WARNINGS | TW: mentions blood, abuse, drug and alcohol abuse, smoking, lowercase au, non-idol au, high school au, badboy!jisung, mature language/cursing, reader is like an angel sent from heaven for him, jisungie just in need of love :(

SUMMARY | being an outcast has him wondering if he’ll ever be happy. cue you, the new girl, stumbling into his life (literally).

AUTHOR’S NOTE | inspired by the song “idk you yet” by alexander23! also AHHH this is my 100 followers special fic :) THANK U LOVES FOR 100 IM SO SHOCKED CJSBFKEJD <33 the writing is a little crappy because i’m currently on my period and my patience for sitting down and writing this went down halfway through lol but I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, ENJOY THIS JISUNG FIC BC JISUNG MY BABIE AND SO ARE YOU GUYS!

whenever anybody thinks of park jisung, they think of the chains and dark clothing he wears. they think about the faint smell of smoke and men’s cologne that follows him wherever he goes. 

they think of the boy who grew up on the wrong side of the tracks. 

but what they don’t think about are bruises on his face he fails to hide whenever he walks into school, the dejected look on his face whenever random people give him disapproving looks, the way his smile slowly faded into a permanent frown wherever he went. 

jisung quickly accepted his reputation at school and in their little town, not having enough energy to feel insecure about it like before.

the only group of people that even remotely cared about the boy were his best friends in the whole entire world, nct dream.

they were outcasts just like him, the most “fucked up group of boys” in their town (the people’s words, not theirs).

see, they were your typical bad boy group straight out of your typical fanfic. bad grades, smoking in their free time, getting into fights, always being late to class; not a single person had hope in them.

but behind their scary and intimidating facade, all seven boys were big softies with misunderstood hearts and difficult backgrounds.

people were just too dense to look into it, only judging them based on their looks and personality on the outside. 

❝ how can you miss someone you’ve never met ❞

love was a foreign thing to jisung, the only form of love he’s ever felt being from his friends. his parents were… interesting to say the least. 

jisung’s father was a hard-core alcoholic, his mother being a major druggie. with no siblings in the house, jisung was usually their main target to push around and beat up.

and so because of this at a young age jisung learned to distance himself from other people and found different ways to release stress.

he started smoking when he was 14, the warm and hazy feeling of the smoke entering his lungs comforting him.

if jisung humored himself enough, maybe smoking could count as his first love. it was always there for him, never leaving him alone even if he wanted to quit. 

he relied on it knowing it was the only constant in his life. 

now of course the boy has heard of proper love, love like in the movies or shitty romance songs he hears on the radio.

and he won’t lie, there were moments he thought about what it felt like to be in love. but he knew that would never happen, at least not in their small town anyways. 

he just wanted to be loved. 

jisung would never admit it but sometimes he’d be jealous of the old couples walking down the street in their own world like it was just them two against the universe. he was jealous of the happy kids running around, their mother’s and father’s fondly smiling at their child. he was jealous of all the “normal” kids in his neighborhood. 

jisung wanted that, craved that. 

but most importantly, the boy wanted love.

❝ cause i need you now but i don’t know you yet ❞

everything hurt. 

his head, his body, his mind, his heart; everything was in pain.

jisung walked down the empty streets of their city, a trail of blood following behind him as he accepted his fate. the boy was 99% sure he had a concussion and at the very least had a few broken ribs. 

he felt like this was the end, and he was ready.

-

wandering aimlessly around town, you decided to take a late night walk to familiarize yourself around the area. you had just moved into the city a week ago, spending all seven days trying to help your family unpack and rearrange your cozy new home. 

now that you were finally free of the smell of tape and the dust of the boxes, you decided it was best to get to know the place you were living in. 

the autumn air seemed to settle at night as you shivered, cursing yourself for not bringing a jacket of some sort. the sight of a convenience store up ahead of you brought you relief as you rummaged through your pockets wondering if you had enough money for ramen.

your steps became excited as you found a couple dollars, fondly thinking about what type of ramen you should buy. you became so lost in your thoughts you didn’t even notice the poor boy who was staggering in front of you, or the trail of blood he left behind. 

-

jisung pushed himself to reach the convenience store a couple feet away from him, in desperate need of supplies to at least try and fix himself. 

if it didn’t help in any way then oh well, maybe death was indeed an option. 

grinding his teeth though the pain, he did not expect to feel a small body bump into him. had he been at his regular health, jisung would’ve easily been able to keep still but because of how much blood he was losing the boy was knocked down like a bowling pin.

“holy fuck.” jisung cursed the feeling of the concrete floor colliding with his ribs. he didn’t even notice the girl who had bumped into him sitting on the floor dumbfounded, freaking out over his state.

“oh my fucking god.” the girl said, capturing his attention. jisung glared at the stranger, mentally acknowledging the fact she was pretty. 

but her being pretty won’t get you anywhere, he scolded himself. she’ll leave you just like everyone else.

“a-are you okay?” she said, eyes glancing at his black eye. jisung rolled his eyes, already annoyed. “does it look like i’m okay?” he replied, his deep voice catching the girl off guard. 

“just, fuck off.” jisung said closing his eyes as he laid back down on the floor, knowing he couldn’t force himself to get up anymore. he didn’t even have to open his eyes to know she left, hearing the sound of her footsteps walk away.

the boy sighed as he laid idly on the floor, wondering what sin he committed to lead him to where he is now. not even she wanted to stay, the tears threatening to fall as his thoughts buried him alive.

“why can’t i just die?” jisung said out loud, asking no one but himself.

“because i won’t let you.” a voice replied as jisung forced himself to sit up in confusion. it was the same girl he had bumped into, but this time she had a first aid kit with her. he gave her a lost look despite knowing what she was here to do. 

jisung’s mind just couldn’t wrap around the fact that a total stranger would even bother to help him. 

“now sit up.” she said softly as she bent down to open the box, the boy slowly followed her instructions. “i’m sorry this might sting.” she said though jisung didn’t mind because she was much prettier up close.

-

the next ten minutes were you trying to fix his wounds against the shitty chairs outside the convenience store.

jisung didn’t even bother mentioning his broken ribs, not wanting you to freak out. you cleaned up what you could and the boy was beyond grateful for that.

you subconsciously rubbed his back in a comforting way whenever you’d apply alcohol to his open wounds, trying to ease the sting. you held his hand for him to hold and though he was a big boy and had a high pain tolerance, he still gave it a squeeze just to keep your hand there.  what the actual fuck is this feeling, jisung asked himself as he watched your determined figure work on him.

it was cold and in order to better work on his wounds, the boy offered to give you his hoodie which strangely had no traces of blood on it. you gladly accepted, the faint smell of blood and his cologne engulfing you up. 

the sight of you in something so big and so him made his chest swell in pride.

jisung couldn’t even formulate a sentence as you cursed at the time once you finished patching him up, fleeing the scene before he could say anything with a small smile, his hoodie still on. 

❝ and can you find me soon because i’m in my head ❞

the thought of your soft hands on his, your voice, your whole presence; everything about you couldn’t seem to leave the poor boy’s mind. it was now monday, and waiting for his class to start already made him want to go home.

if only i got her name, jisung daydreamed with his head resting on the palm of his hand. the classroom was loud and bright, people occasionally giving him looks but the boy didn’t mind. 

“jisungie~ did you hear we have a new kid?” jaemin asked, poking the boy’s cheeks. the boy only gave him a pointed look before sighing. 

“hyung i don’t really care.” jisung replied, looking back out the window. 

jaemin only gave him an offended look before grumbling a bit. “i don’t know maybe you will.” he muttered under his breath as their teacher walked into the room. 

❝ yeah i need you now but i don’t know you yet ❞

their homeroom teacher stood in front of the class, jisung tuning out his voice. the boy once again sighed as his teacher called for their attention, explaining they had a new girl in their class. “now make her feel welcomed,” he said before turning towards the door.

“y/n, please come in.” the teacher said and jisung almost fell out of his seat when he saw you walking through the door with the same smile you gave him a couple days ago.

“hi i’m y/n and i hope we can get along.” you bowed to the class, a familiar hoodie you were wearing catching his attention. 

isn’t that mine, jisung thought to himself as he bit back a smile knowing you kept it all along. 

[babbushka]

hey sweetie! Happy new year! yayyy im so excited for the new writings coming up! i've got a request that i think it will be pretty funny with biker kylo! ''its a fancy dress new years party, and person a is shook seeing peson b all dressed up for once''. i feel like they wouldnt go to a party with a lot of people but maybe she could ask him to dress nice? just for the two of them? like a date? smutty-ish? pretty please?

A/N: Hello my dear! Thank you so much for this request, I think it's so sweet and though it started out funny it turned sappy, lol. I hope you enjoy the little ficlet I've come up with. Wishing you a very sweet new year!!

1.2k, warnings for descriptions of food, mostly fluff!

You had said to get there at sundown, and to dress nicely. Kylo didn’t know what the fuck that meant, dress nicely. He spends most of his days in stained and torn t-shirts and faded black jeans, what was nice? He couldn’t ride his bike in nice clothes, he’d burn the shit out of his legs right through any trousers he might have stored in the back of his closet -- all of this internal monologuing is why he’s late.

He’s not that late, not really, the sun only went down twenty minutes ago, but Kylo had had damn near a nervous fucking breakdown throwing his clothes everywhere, trying to figure out what he could wear that would be nice.

It’s the first Rosh Hashanah that you’re spending together, and he doesn’t want to blow it. You’re the woman he would take home to Ma, if he still spoke to his mother, he doesn’t want you to think he ain’t serious about this relationship that you’ve built together. He is serious, and that’s why he’s late.

He’s late, but he thinks he looks nice. He’s praying that he does, anyway.

To try and soothe some of your potential anger, he stops by the florist on his way to your apartment and picks up a big bouquet of your favorite flowers, and tries not to crush them on the drive over. Parking his motorcycle in the dedicated spot, he climbs the four story walk-up, and runs his free hand through his hair, before ringing your doorbell.

Not even a full second goes by, before you’re yanking the door open, and Kylo is about to brace himself for being yelled at, but when he sees your big grin, he lets out a sigh of relief.

“You made it!” Throwing your arms around his huge frame, you hug him tightly. If Kylo had been a smaller man, he would have been knocked backwards from the force of your embrace.

“Of course I made it, why the hell wouldn’t I? You told me to be here, so I’m here.” Kylo hugs you back, holds you tight and walks you backwards into your apartment enough that he can shut the door behind you.

Kylo doesn’t spend a lot of time at your apartment. It’s not because he doesn’t want to or anything, it’s just a little further out of his way than his own place. You both work close together, and his apartment is closer to work, so it always tends to just be the meeting place.

He likes your apartment though, it’s nice, cozy. It’s very you, which sounds stupid, but is something that always makes Kylo feel at ease. He likes the way you decorate, the way you so clearly have put your touch on everything -- it’s so different from his own approach that he has half a mind to be embarrassed. Maybe he should give you his keys and let you make that damn apartment feel more like a home, but then that would mean you’d never be allowed to leave.

“I thought maybe you couldn’t get the time off work.” You grin at him when he finally releases you.

“I’m my own boss, sweets, I make the schedule.” Lighting up a cigarette and puffing on it for a few seconds, Kylo winks at you, “Whole shop’s closed for the holidays.”

Crossing your arms in front of your chest and cocking your hip, you look him up and down, licking your lips and smirking, “That’s very impressive, you know Just like your outfit. I didn’t know you owned a suit.”

Kylo gives a sarcastic little spin on the heel of his boot, showing off the black ensemble that he had managed to dig out of his closet. It was just a jacket and trousers, with a tie that he had actually tied himself, not one of those bullshit clip ons. He’s got a white button down underneath, and he’s grateful for the way his hair covers the tips of his ears because you can’t stop lookin’ at him.

“Just the one.” Kylo blushes despite himself, still not used to the pleased scrutiny you often subject him to, he mutters, “Surprised it still fuckin’ fits.”

“It’s a little tight.” You whisper playfully, pinching at the shoulder seam where the fabric is struggling to contain him. He only huffs out a laugh, a big plume of smoke going with it.

“Alright alright. Where am I takin’ you?” He offers you the flowers, which you happily accept.

“Nowhere, come in.” Throwing the invitation over your shoulder, you walk into the kitchen to find a vase for the flowers.

Confused, Kylo frowns and follows you like the duckling he is, “What do you mean nowhere -- oh.”

In the formal dining room, Kylo is confronted with a long table completely covered in food. There’s so much food that he actually can’t see the tablecloth underneath all the serving platters -- gefilte fish, potato latkes, matzo ball soup, fennel and apple salad, roasted cauliflower and pomegranates, kugel, the biggest fucking brisket that Kylo has ever seen, and of course, an even bigger round braided challah taking center stage.

“Do you like it?” Nervously, you look at him from the kitchen, and Kylo snaps out of his reverie to make his way to you.

“Goddamn you are divine.” Kylo picks you up, kisses you all over your neck and cheeks, “It smells fuckin’ delicious, this can’t be all for me. It’s way too fuckin’ nice for me.”

He doesn’t put you down yet, not yet, wanting to keep you in his tattooed arms forever and ever.

“Now you know why I told you to wear the suit.” You laugh, feeling silly that it’s just the two of you, but, “It’s a special occasion, I wanted to do it up right.”

“You did good, sweets.” Kylo nods, trying not to get too emotional. “Come sit real close to me and tell me all about it.”

The last time he had a big spread like this for a holiday was...damn, he can’t actually remember. When he was a kid, before he fucked off and ran away from home at fifteen. No one’s cooked for him in general in just as long, probably.

Kylo takes his suit jacket off because it really is too tight around the shoulders, and sits down at the head of the table, pulling you directly onto his lap, your pretty self snuggling right up against him even though there’s a perfectly good chair next to him. Kylo starts kissing your neck again, making you squirm and laugh from the way his teeth scrapes against your skin, but then Kylo pulls away abruptly.

“Wait -- there ain’t any fuckin’ fish heads, are there?” He asks, surveying the table for the traditional dish.

“No, those always creep me out.” You scrunch up your nose, and Kylo lets out a sigh of relief.

“Me too, I don’t like shit that’s still got its eyeballs in it.” He shudders dramatically, “Makes me feel bad.”

“I know what you mean, but rest assured this dinner is head-free.” You pat his cheek lovingly.

Kylo catches the hand and pulls it to his lips, pressing a chaste kiss to your palm.

“Well... maybe for dessert?” He looks at you expectantly, and it takes you a second to pick up what he’s saying, but when you do, you roll your eyes and groan.

“You’re so annoying.” You say, really meaning I love you.

“Yeah.” He replies with a toothy grin, really replying I love you more.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

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Tagging some Kylo lovin' friends!

@mochabucky @sacklerscumrag @artsymaddie @bitchydecisions @direnightshade @thembohux @kylorenswhxre @sunflowersinthesnow @babayagakeanu @safarigirlsp @steeevienicks @materialisthicc @hswritingrecs @rosi3ba3z @chapterhappygirl @schopenhauerdeathsquad @loverofallthings @groovetoob @bxnnywriting @angel-bxby3 @smallgirlbigpersonality @lovelyyy-luna @2000andwhat @raddo1975 @cornmousequeen @metsienmenninkainen @caillea @painttheskylineforme @holding-on-to-starwars @caitlin-was-here @icarusinthesea @princessflip @goddessofsprings @mrs-gucci @baubub @bucky-j-barnes @mindyoshiii @beachwoodmonet @darkhairedmenrule @eagerforhoney @nekonaomitard @einmal-im-traum @justlenastuff @0nihiime @ohsolonelyghosts

[loousir]

(Vampire Story) Chapter Two

Masterlist | Prev. Part | Next Part

All characters depicted are 18+

Warnings: Mention of the v-card word, mention of crazy ex and reader being bi, reader being watched

-------------------------------------------------------------

The day went on with little incident and otherwise nothing happening. Minimal assignments, everyone was just getting used to the atmosphere of the new highschool year. Lunch for Kai was a different story.

---Kai's P.O.V.---

Kai sighed as he walked out to one of the courtyards that he was told held the cherry tree Darian mentioned. He looked around for a moment and observed the area, spotting the blonde who had invited him. Darian had seemed to find Kai as well, waving him over.

Kai took the spot next to Darian who was looking around for someone. "So, Kai, what brings you to this school?" He asked, looking up to him after. Kai shrugs, not wanting to say the real reason why he was here. "My parents moved here recently and this is the closest place to my house." That was a flat out lie but he seemed to buy it.

"You know, there aren't many guys like us here. Why wouldn't your parents move to a, oh, I dunno, a not human territory?" Kai shrugged. "No clue, they never tell me whats going on in their life anyways." That was true, Kai is always left in the dark when it comes to why he's sent to do things but once he saw you, he knew why they sent him to this school.

"Look, I don't really wanna talk about my family." He said, pushing his hair back slightly. Darian raises his hands a bit as to say he wouldn't press anymore after the aggressive response. "Anyways, I saw you staring at (Y/n) in the gym this mornings." Kai looks over to him with a skeptical glare.

"He's a virgin."

Kai raises his brows slightly. "What?" Darian rolls his eyes. "Probably in the way you're thinking but not what I meant. He's not marked and has never been drank from. And as far as I'm concerned, he's single." Kai "ohs" softly before seeing you walking along side Andy. You looked over and saw him too, offering a small wave and a smile. Kai returned the gesture.

Good to know he's available.

Darian seems distracted as Kai kept his eyes on you. You and Andy had sat down under one of the weeping willows to eat lunch together. "Darian, are there any other vampires in this town?" Kai asked, looking over to the blonde. Darian nods and locks eyes with Kai. "There's a few. Be careful about them, they aren't exactly here to play nice." He pauses and texts something on his phone.

"And be careful with (Y/n). Im pretty sure he's got some eyes on him that aren't yours." Kai nods and thanks Darian for the warnings. Lunch had passed pretty quickly, Kai asking Darian for more "need to know" information. But of course, things had to be cut short as the bell rang, saying lunch was over.

---(Y/n)'s P.O.V.---

You sighed and fiddled with your pencil slightly while sitting in class. You knew this teacher would be no fun but damn. This was just not it. Kai was sitting in the seat next to you which was the window seat. Both of you were fortunate enough to sit in the back of the class. The teacher was mumbling on about something when you heard something fall. You looked down then looked under your chair by your foot to see a mechanical pencil that wasn't yours.

Right as you went to pick it up, another hand collided with yours, making you glance up. Kai was in very close proximity. "Sorry," he whispered to you, grabbing the pencil. You shook your head and when you both sat back up, the teacher was looking at you and Kai. A couple other students were looking too.

"Sorry Mr. Wells, Kai dropped his pencil."

Kai nodded and held it up as "proof" while you did the classic "Im the teachers pet" routine. Mr. Wells gave a slightly skeptical nod before going back to what he was doing. Kai smirked and looked over to you, catching you looking at him. He winked before turning back to his paper.

You blushed softly before doing the same. Andy was one of the students who had watched it unfold but was the only one who noticed the aftermath. You were ever grateful this was the last class of the day.

The final bell rang and you packed up, waiting for most of the students to clear out before standing. Kai and Andy seemed to have done the same. "Are we still going to that Cafe?" Kai asked, slinging his bag over his shoulder as he stood. You nodded and stood up as well, looking over to Andy who was waiting by the door for the both of you.

"Let's get going."

---------------------------

The three of you had made it to the Cafe pretty quickly thanks to Andy. It was a small, family run place that always gave off fall vibes, even in the middle of summer. You placed your orders before talking about the surrounding shops and neighbourhoods. Kai listens intently as you speak, thankful you're telling him about the area.

The moment that you had paused to thank the waitress, Kai took the chance to change the subject. "(Y/n), can I ask you about yourself? Like what you do for fun for example." You were in the middle of taking a drink but nodded none the less. "Yeah, uhm," You pause for a moment and think. "Well..." You listed off a few of the things you liked to do in your free time. One of which was going on picnics.

Kai smiles and watched you as you talk. Andy simple sat quietly and played on his phone, not really interested in making a new friend. "Oh and, Andy is my best friend. I see him as a brother." Andy looks up at the mention of his name and looks between you and Kai.

"What?" You roll your eyes. "If you weren't anti-social for once you would know what I was saying." Andy's lips press into a straight line. He breathes in to say something before stopping himself, knowing you would have comeback for whatever it was. "Whatever. I'll warm up to him..." He mumbled out. You looked to Kai with a smile and a shrug.

Kai smiled a little more as well and takes a sip from his own drink. "Do you think I could know a bit about you?" You asked as he set his cup down. "Sure. But where to start..." You said to start at the same place as you, with likes and dislikes.

"I enjoy reading, and stargazing. I can't think of much else I enjoy doing off the top of my head but..." You smiled and shook your head. "No worries, I'm sure we'll learn more as we talk." Kai nods and Andy looks to the both of you. "Hey uh, I gotta get home soon. Do you want a ride back to your place?" He asked, looking between you and Kai again.

"Please. Is it alright if we cut it short today?" You asked looking up to Kai. He nodded, "I don't mind. There are plenty of other days we can talk." You smiled and stood up, going to wait in line to pay the bill. Andy looks up to Kai. "Hey, uhm, I should warn you about his crazy ex. She's kinda freaky so you might run into her. If a chick with heavy eye make-up and a blonde streak tries to confront you, that would be her." He spoke only loud enough for Kai to hear but he nodded and took the warning seriously. "Thank you for telling me, Andy." He nods and looks to you making your way back over to the table.

"Lets get going."

------------------------------

1301 (sorry these have been so short, also not proof read)

[astronartists-writes]

Helloooo:)

May i request a Twice reaction to their Fem! s.o being protective of them?(like in a healthy way, not possessive)

Have a good day:3

a/n: i was so excited when you sent me this because it was super early that i got this from when i posted everything else.

hope this turned out okay!

Masterlist

TWICE with a protective s/o

TW: mentions of sasaengs, mentioned worries about toxicity

CW: none! :)

fem!reader, race unspecified :)

Park Jihyo

when you first showed her your protectiveness, she was a little worried that you might end up being overbearing

but as time went by, and you were super chill about her living her own life, she realized that you weren’t someone she should be concerned about.

you were perceptive to her feelings, so the second she seemed uncomfortable, you would shoot a nasty glare at whatever was making her feel so

usually it was sasaengs

sometimes it was her stage outfits

the glare was always the first warning

if the glare didn’t work on people, you’d wrap an arm around her as a second warning.

if those warnings didn’t work, you’d start responding in place of Jihyo, your tone flat and dismissive

she thought it was hilarious

it eased any anxiety she might feel

because The Glare can’t really work on an outfit,

you would usually offer her your jacket, or would carry a small blanket around to cover her legs with while she sits

you always made sure to ask if she wanted your jacket or the blanket, giving her a choice of rejection

she’s an independent adult, and you treated her as such

you’ve got her back, and she feels safe when you’re around.

Im Nayeon

i feel like nayeon would be protective of her s/o as well,

so you being protective wouldn’t faze her.

it’s just natural

you always asked her if she was feeling uncomfortable with something, and did everything you could to help her fix it if she was

you could honestly be her personal security guard, you were that effective.

you once practically threw a bitch that was getting a little too close, and she was scared at the time, but laughed a lot when the video surfaced

all of twice’s stage outfits are kind of ridiculous sometimes, and you often complained about the discomfort of not only nayeon, but the other members as well

you knew how uncomfortable clothing that showed a lot of skin could be — especially short skirts,

so you empathized, even going to managers to ask if it was really necessary for the members to wear certain things

she felt very loved when you showed her your protectiveness, and always made sure to make you feel loved, too

Yoo Jeongyeon

personally feeling very protective of jeongyeon right now, hope she’s feeling lots better

so you make sure to give her plenty of space, asking questions once, and not pressuring her for an answer if she couldn’t give you one.

you treated her the way you treated everyone else,

only really being protective of the way people spoke to and/or about her

if you felt something was uncalled for, you immediately told the person who said it off,

sometimes you ordered them to apologize,

sometimes you told them calmly that what they said wasn’t very nice, and gave them a disapproving stare

tbh, not many instances happened where you had to tell them off,

so you tried to express your care for her in other ways

like making her food, getting her tea, sharing your clothes

jeongyeon would tell you clearly if you were to cross a boundary, and you would immediately make sure to never cross it again in order to avoid being possessive

she felt comfortable with you

you never once made her feel bad for not liking something, or not wanting something to be done,

so she was able to openly communicate with you with little to no fears

Hirai Momo

momo liked the two of you doing your own thing for the most part

being independent together was nice

she liked being able to depend on each other for things as well, though

like emotional support, and someone to always have her back

one of her favorite things was seeing you get protective

it usually happened at the smaller things, not the bigger things because you couldn’t be around for many of the big things

like if a bee or a wasp got too close to her, you were right there to move her out of the way

if you saw her shoelace untied, you’d get down and tie it for her so she wouldn’t trip

if you saw someone look at her in a way you didn’t like, you would put an arm around her out of the need to make sure they didn’t try anything harmful

she wasn’t helpless, but it felt nice to show her she could rely on you if she needed to.

Minatozaki Sana

because of her cuteness, you often felt very protective of her

however, we all know that sana is not innocent

she’s an adult, y’know

anyway

at first, she was a little irritated at how protective you could be

you were far more obvious about it than subtle

after a while, she got used to it, and thought about how you didn’t question her choices

you didn’t even try to control her

she liked it a lot

you liked to latch onto her arm in public when there were a lot of people, and she enjoyed holding your waist, poking you in the side every once in a while to get a cute little giggle out of you

the display of protection she liked the most was you tugging down a skirt if you thought it was riding up too much

she liked that you didn’t want anyone to even see the safety shorts, especially when you explained that you just didn’t want her to feel embarrassed if someone posted pictures online

usually when you did something protective, you tried to make it playful.

every once in a while, you’d poke her butt when you pulled her dress down

Myoui Mina

you weren’t protective of her too often because she’s not a very social person,

but you took every opportunity you could

mostly on days she was on stage or doing other activities and you were with her

she stayed home the rest of the time, and while she used to be mostly alone, having you around was something much appreciated

because you were mostly in the safety of your own home, you usually were protective about comments on the internet

she would look through them for things she could improve on — some people left some pretty good constructive criticism

but there would always be hate comments

it’s something to expect from being in the industry

not everyone is going to like you, and the people who don’t can be very cruel

she had learned to mostly not take comments about her personally,

but if you happened to glance at what she was doing out of curiosity and found a comment you didn’t like,

you’d get a little peeved

you’d tell her that she should mute those comments so she wouldn’t see them anymore

this resulted in a very brief argument, where you quickly apologized for the misunderstanding

and explained that you just didn’t want her to feel bad

she thought about it a little and nodded, thanking you for the concern, but explaining that the comments didn’t really get to her

so you’d shyly request to read them with her, dragging the people that left mean comments through the dirt

it made her laugh

if someone dared to say something about her in front of you, though... all hell would break loose.

your protectiveness in public only occurred when the members were being mobbed

you’d hold her hand to make sure she didn’t get pulled away, shooting glares every which way.

your protectiveness made her laugh in private, and made her feel safe in public

Kim Dahyun

you only really protected dahyun when she was frightened or startled at first

which was quite frequent

but after a while, you found yourself saying you’d go before her in things she was nervous about

and then even in things she wasn’t nervous about

the urge to keep her safe was just really strong at that point

she was never actually bugged about it

she liked having a doting girlfriend to hide behind

she even stepped in a few times when you looked nervous, too, eager to keep you feeling safe

she would not be able to do much for you while at high places, though

so even if you were also scared, you’d just clutch her hand and shakily walk with her across area that seemed sketchy.

she gave you a kiss every time you stopped,

and that motivated you enough to keep going

after the hell of high places, she wouldn’t let go of you, trying to show you just how grateful she was by praising you and comforting you

you didn’t feel so scared at the end of it, though

she was grateful for your protectiveness, and was just as protective of you

Son Chaeyoung

she is tiny, so it would be easier to lose her in a crowd than others

she’s responsible enough to not get lost, but you liked to hold her hand just in case

our chaengie is playful,

and so sometimes she’s a little bit too focused on messing around with you to notice potential danger

like a car coming down the narrow road

so you’d tug her out of the way, continuing your conversation without another thought

she usually payed a lot of attention to her surroundings, so the fact that she didn’t realize there was a car was surprising.

you didn’t mention it because you were just keeping her safe, but she was very flustered

if the weather suddenly got colder than expected, you always had a hoodie and a jacket on you

as soon as you saw her shivering,

you’d shed your jacket and hoodie, handing the hoodie to her wordlessly before putting your jacket back on.

you didn’t want her to get sick

she never gave that hoodie back, but she always brought it with her after that.

when people had you on edge, you wouldn’t leave her side

if they were decidedly too much, you’d hold her hand,

and if you really didn’t like a person, you’d straight up just tug her away from them with you (if they followed, you’d totally bark at them)

Chaeyoung found your protectiveness romantic, and wouldn’t trade it for anything

Chou Tzuyu

Tzuyu can hold her own pretty well

she can be quiet, and intimidating, so you weren’t actually protective in a way that people other than her could see

you stayed next to her when you were together, keeping it normal looking if she seemed endangered by anyone

if she needed to get out of a situation, she’d tap your wrist two times and you would get her out of there by any means.

she wasn’t allowed to be mean because of her job, but you could be as mean as you felt needed

another way you were protective was reporting harmful comments and/or posts to JYP directly

always under an anonymous alias

sometimes the two of you would end up looking through rumors and laughing at the ridiculous ones

like a secret boyfriend

that one you screenshot and sent to Tzuyu, who sent it to the group chat for the TWICE members so you could all scoff at it

when you asked if she felt overwhelmed by anything you did, she denied it

she felt comfortable when she was around you. she found your protectiveness sweet.

[kdipshit]

Well I Got The Thing I Needed, I Guess…

I have to learn to do everything my own way, as doing something with someone else’s perspective is just not possible. I have to be difficult all the time huh…

My body stays the same even tho it feels like my brain switches. Perspectives change. Beliefs. Realisations. Like the person I was 1 hour ago was dark and gloomy and quick to anger. irritated. But BPD irritation. I wanted to turn into a tornado and rip thru my entire house taking everyone up in it. Lol. Jk. But fr… and the person I am now is nothing like that. I don’t even think that way at all, why would I even want to it sounds like a war zone over there. Lets remember the parts of ourselves that occupy the body when the body is feeling so dark. She’s still us. Thats still me. Lol how do I say that? Im still me. Thats better. Im so sick of these walls in my brain keeping me from the other sides of myself, I can’t stay in the dark space for very long without scratching my way out. And its painful. Am I supposed to stay in that feeling until it passes? Coz sometimes it feels like it doesn’t fucking end, so I grab my bong and then I’m better. But weed is limited. Sometimes I think ill be better if I was just on the right meds. Im still very upset about my psych trip. And it makes me feel so discouraged to even continue trying…. But. I will keep trying. As long as I have weed to lean on, I’m straight as. But I’m not ignoring the darkness by trying to feel better. I can look at it in another perspective. I gotta do better. I gotta do better. The bruised knuckles do give me character tho. I should message A more quickly next time, she really did an amazing job at switching my perspective, its like she knows exactly how to talk to me. Im so grateful.

+ the weed makes me write better. Its easier to write down the thoughts… I found myself sounding like my hippie ass aunty telling my little sister that thoughts become things lol. Its such a shame that I’m actually crazy because no one really believes me lol. thoughts do become things tho, she was right, I just didn’t see the bigger picture, and I guess no one ever really will until they can for themselves. THANK YOU FOR PAIN. You give your shadow self love by learning how to thank the pain, and the hard journey, and the sleepless nights and teary eyes. Learning better methods, keeping yourself out of thought loops by treating every single day as brand new. Realising no ones got a problem with me lol. Im not a problematic person.

anyways…. Whats been going on wed chyall? Lol imagine all that trauma dumping and then I sip my tea. Your turn aunty. I’m always trine rush finish something because the act of doing something for too long freaks me out. Thats gotta be that ADHD hoe, which will be fixed if I fkn get my right meds bro wtf!!! D: like so much of my problems would be fixed if I just had the fun goddamn meds Jesus FUCK. Is it that hard around here? They think imma pill popper bro won’t even give me valium anymore, dogs. No fkn wonder why I’m smoking like smokey mother fucker, my shits al the way fucked up my boy. Give me the fucking pills lmaoooo. And up them anti-psychotics while your at it lmaoooo.

Does anyone else have conversations with other people in your head? Thats a normal thing right? Well the convos in my head are too quick to for me to write down, but they be having me fucked up on some different shit. I just did it, I just stopped a bad thought for manifesting bigger and replaced it with a better one AS SOON as it appeared. Sometimes I’m not quick enough and it catches me instead. I sat with myself today, I don’t even remember what I wrote in the ideation one. But I remember what mindset I was in, I’m curious to see how honest with myself I was. I can be honest with myself right now and day I don’t think I did good enough. There were times where I was thinking I really don’t wanna do this anymore. I forgot what I needed to remember, which was to redirect all go those feelings into positive ones, I know these things, but at some point, every emotion on peak feels the same, so I was historically crying on the way home, recklessly, because I forgot to remind myself, to switch the thought, look at everything else thats good, and setback or something super annoying happening is because your energy is needed elsewhere!! Butterfly effect, nothing in the end is bad. Its just a redirection, stop being so controlling, and let it be, let it flow, while you only control yourself, your reactions and your thoughts. Thoughts determine emotions, and emotions are my kryptonite.

The problem is my thought patter, and how it recycles the same 10-30 sentences over and over again. Some fkn crazy delulu, some that genuinely make sense cuz, and then the same normal other shit, right???? lol. Idk what I’m saying anymore but sometimes I ramble write (all the time) and I read it back and its dope as fuck and I actually make sense.

My poor knuckles are busted all because I knocked and no one answered. Well nah fuck, it was that, and then it was the non answered door last week too, its the non answered phone calls its the non answered emails like broooo. Should not be this hard to see a psychiatrist in my city I swear to god. Without weed I’m completely self destructive, I need to build my strength on my other positive coping mechanisms because typing really hurts. And I love to write. Self destructive me is very overwhelmed and unsure how to untangle everything so everything comes out as a big fat cry.