#which i doubt was a reason going forward because the series really pushes you to hate five

[aroace-number-eight]

One of my worse fears when I do rereads of the series is that I look at moments where the characters are obscenely rude and/or make offhanded comments and gestures, and they're actually not OOC moments or contradict previous establishing character traits, because the reality is that they're total assholes and we just choose to believe they're nicer than that

[alexanderlightweight]

Wednesday prompt :) what if the reason Valentine made Luke a wolf was that a wronged nephilim in a parabatai bond can declare the other an oathbreaker, to trigger divine judgement, and if the judgement finds fault with the other you get back your soul piece and the other is punished? What if Alec, faced with another entitled and selfish rant, just snaps and declares Jace an oathbreaker?

okay so I couldn't figure out a way that would work like you were wanting but i did really like the idea that traditionally, a ritual with the silent brothers as a conduit to raziel is the only one allowed to judge and break a parabatai bond

this is actually an au of all your cracks i'll paint gold. because my thought is that an alec who didn't have the faith or hope to wait to give jace till the very last minute (because until the first rune is taken, some part of alec still believes jace is coming). this alec knows he's about to be deruned and he wants to lose his parabatai bond on his own terms. because fuck if he's going to let the clave tear him from jace, he's going to ask raziel to judge them and whoever ends up taking the brunt, so be it. because only raziel can judge the bond between him and jace.

also a part of alec expects to be the one judged as an oathbreaker. he's really tangled up in his own thoughts at this point and he knows he's not thinking straight which makes him doubt himself.

alec wants answers and to fuck the clave by not letting them get their way.

also tbh, for parabatai, i think the loss of the bond itself, especially not knwing what is happening would feel like divine punishment itself. especially for two peple who are so devout to the bond.

i hope you still enjoy <3

lumine

-

Alec doesn’t know what to do, but there is only one thing left to try and Jace is going to lose him either way. This is the most selfish thing Alec’s ever done in his life and he almost doesn’t do it, until he thinks about how long he’s been sitting here, alone.

Jace isn’t coming. Alec knows that at this point. Wherever his parabatai is with Clary, it’s far beyond anywhere that Alec can reach him in time.

And Alec can’t stay sitting here, waiting to be deruned whenever Imogen gets bored of making him wait.

Treated like he isn’t a Commander and not even given the choice of someone as a witness of his own to keep watch.

“I demand the presence of a Silent Brother for an oath.” Alec rasps to the next shadowhunters who pass, and they wince, looking at him with concern but they shake their heads.

Imogen has scared them all with his imprisonment and Alec is paying the price. Alec is normally the backbone of his Institute, the shield between him and the clave and while they trust him to do that, Alec’s never been their official leader or had the chance to make these hunters completely his.

It’s with a snarl and the determination of spite in his heart — because what was the point of any of this? Of denying himself and Magnus even a moment of anything if this is the way things end — and Alec spits his blood and saliva onto the ground.

It’s grueling work.

Alec was already tired from patrol and the mess with Meliorn when they dragged him to a cell and pronounced him a traitor.  There’s been no soul sword and no trial. They want an example and they’re not afraid to use Alec as one.

Where once, Alec would have assumed he had the protection and privilege of the Lightwood name, he knows now that none of it is true. He’s protected himself and his siblings by his own merits, despite their name, all of these years.

So, Alec reaches deep within himself and calls forward the blood magic that every nephilim is told about but rarely any ever attempt.

It’s a brutal, vicious magic that can turn even the simplest of magical desires into an onslaught of eldritch curses.

Alec uses the blood from his split lip and cut cheek and paints a series of runes before placing his hand down and willing it to activate.

His fingers shatter from the pressure he’s using t push down at the same time the array activates and Alec smiles in satisfaction, copper thick on his tongue.

—

“The Silent Brothers have been summoned and so will remain, especially for a trial we were not notified of.”

“Because this isn’t a trial.” Alec rasps out, “I’ve been asked no questions and offered no recourse. I request two things of the Silent Brothers, one of each.”

“Your requests?”

“I declare a broken oath between parabatai. I wish to let the angel judge my parabatai and I’s bond, not the clave.”

Alec isn’t going to fight his deruning, he can’t.

But he’s not going to let the clave strip away his bond, the angel himself can do that.

“The second request?”

“After the first is finished.” Alec says firmly, not about to let them know that his request depends on how the ritual goes.

“Very well. You will need a warlock to maintain your vitals.”

Alec hates to do it, but there isn’t a warlock who he trusts more than Magnus and Alec is very tired of being betrayed.

—

“What is going on?” Magnus asks tightly, because the Institute is full of strange nephilim and there isn’t a single one he recognizes. Which normally isn’t strange, except it wasn’t like this even a week ago.

“You’ve been requested to monitor and maintain the vitals of the nephilim, Alexander Gideon Lightwood, during a ritual.” The Silent Brother escorting him informs him with their invasive way of communication.

Magnus freezes, because this sounds dangerously close to the idea that he’ll be holding Alexander’s life in his hands.

“And he knows I am the warlock working with him?”

“You are the only warlock he would agree to work with.”

Magnus wonders at what that means and curses the flare of hope in his chest. As he enters the room he frowns, noticing it’s heavily guarded by what are clearly clave guards.

They sneer as he passes and Magnus lets his glamour drop, smirking as they flinch from him.  The cell-like quality of the room means he’s not prepared for Alexander when he enters, though he should be.

Alexander looks exhausted and worse than Magnus has ever seen him, and his eyes are dull. There’s a small spark, the softening of Alexander’s gaze on him. When their eyes meet there is wonder and curiosity for a brief heartbeat before Magnus’ glamour goes back up and Alexander’s eyes drop to the floor.

“Well, this is not how I imagined seeing you again.” Magnus says, trying to soften his words but he’s surprised, and he can’t help it and the hope makes him coy. “In my dreams, I imagined crashing your wedding. Not being summoned here to keep you alive.”

Alexander lets out a hoarse, defeated laugh and shakes his head. “There’s not going to be a wedding to crash, Magnus. I’m being deruned for treason. If I’m alive in a week, it’ll be considered impressive.”

Magnus feels his heart crack with the icy hands that have suddenly grabbed it.

“Tell me, everything, Alexander. Now.”

Alec sends him a weary, hopeless gaze and then shrugs, his hoarse voice forming words that tear into Magnus’ cracking heart.

—

Alec recites the words of his oath, the one that will allow Raziel to judge the bonds of his and Jace’s soul.

If he’s to lose this, then he’s going to do it by his own choice.

He expects the pain, when it comes, but it’s more excruciating than he thought it would be. 

The part of Jace’s soul that is melded with his own is burrowed tightly. It writhes and tugs and fights leaving, and Alec is too tired to do anything but accept the pain and the struggle. He doesn’t even have the energy to fight for himself, he certainly doesn’t have the energy to fight for Jace one last time.

Instead, he lets him go and wonders, whose soul will be returned to who.

—

Magnus has never seen such a gruesome, intimate ritual in all of his life, and it galls him at how many are watching it.  He’s keeping Alexander’s heart beating only through the strength of his magic, or Alexander would be lifeless on the flat table they’ve laid him on.  There is nothing to comfort him or ease him from the cold marble and Magnus seethes that he wasn’t allowed to add any kind of magical cushioning.

It’s as if they want Alexander to feel the most discomfort possible.

He can see it in Alexander’s eyes, the surprise and confusion of waking up and it breaks apart the walls he tried so hard to hastily rebuild.

Alexander didn’t expect to wake up and Magnus was the only one he trusted to make sure that if he did die, he was properly taken care of. Death is an intimate affair for shadowhunters, and Magnus knows the honor he’s been given, but every part of this except keeping Alexander alive feels like a curse.

Because what could have happened in the mere days since they last talked and saw each other, to send Alexander spiraling so low? When he was so proud in his own misguided beliefs the last time they saw each other.

“His soul and bond have been judged. Alexander Lightwood’s soul has been returned to him; he has not broken the oath of his bond.”

Alexander doesn’t look pleased by the pronouncement, if anything the distress and grief grow before they’re hidden away.  It’s then that Magnus realizes, while there are a variety of important shadowhunters, there isn’t a single person there connected to Alexander. 

“Is family not allowed?” He asks casually, smirking at the Silent Brother, because all of their order know Magnus’ reputation enough that it’s better to indulge his curiosity.

“There was no family willing or available to come.” Is what he’s told instead of something like, ‘they’re not allowed’ and Magnus, Magnus itches with the urge to destroy something.

“And Alexander?”

Whatever information Magnus is about to learn, is interrupted by Alexander himself.

“My second request, to the Silent Brothers. To request the right of severance. A trial of law.”

Magnus is curious and he raises an eyebrow imperiously at the Silent Brother standing near him.  Magnus hears the mental sigh before he’s told, “to request such a thing, means the clave has first betrayed the nephilim requesting it. There is no risk besides the soul sword knowing it is a lie and he is still due to be deruned. If he cuts himself from the clave, the clave cannot destroy first destroy him.”

“Does he need a magical aid?” Magnus asks without thinking, because of course he wants to help Alexander get away from the people doing this to him.

“Only comfort, when the strength of his own will finally fails him.”

Magnus wonders what that means but he has no further interest in what is being said and he takes the five steps that separate him and Alexander.

“What will happen, when you succeed in the next ritual?”

“I might fail.”

“You won’t.” Magnus assures him, his fingers light as he boldly places his hand on Alexander’s shoulder. Alexander stiffens for a moment and Magnus almost moves, before Alexander visibly relaxes and leans even closer.

“I’ll be allowed to leave the clave, though I doubt any Institute will take me. I wouldn’t trust them either, not anymore.” It’s a bitter thing for Alexander to admit and Magnus can tell. “I’ll still have my runes; I won’t be hunted. I can hide in the edges of the mundane world if I need to. I’m sure Night Markets have some use for what I can hunt.”

Magnus tsks and tightens his grip on Alexander’s shoulder and sends a soothing, warming pulse through Alexander’s muscles. His shadowhunter has been shivering since the ritual and not a single shadowhunter has offered him a blanket.

This entire time he’s been dressed in thin clothes, the kind nephilim are buried in, as if his fate is already decided on. Magnus is going to burn the horrendously white shirt and pants Alexander is wearing and never let him wear the color again.

After Alexander agrees… of course.

—

Alexander’s voice is low, but strong as he speaks his truth upon the soul sword. It carries across the room as he grips the soul sword and speaks.  He looks at no one but Magnus as he talks, repeating line for line the various laws the clave have broken in his case. Even Imogen looks a little pale when he’s done, as if hearing the truth of her own crimes is worse the committing them.

Alexander seems stunned when he’s finished.

As if he didn’t really think it would work, as if he thought he might actually be in the wrong and Magnus heart breaks.

“Alexander—” Magnus murmurs as he walks towards him, for his shadowhunter’s eyes haven’t once looked away from Magnus’ unglamoured ones. His dark eyes are weary as he watches Magnus, there’s no satisfaction in having one.

Hazel eyes widen in shock as Alexander watches Magnus reach out and wrap his fingers around the hilt of the soul sword.

“None of it has ever been a game. I would cherish you, darling. Far more than the clave, your family, your parabatai or even your exalted angel, Raziel.” The sword doesn’t stop him from speaking, because it isn’t a lie. Raziel cares little for the race he created and what Magnus is starting to feel for Alexander can’t be matched even by a divine being.

Let alone the petty, hateful mortals that have brutalized Alexander’s heart and soul so badly.

“What if you get tired?” Alexander asks and Magnus knows he’s too worn to voice the ‘of me’ aloud.

“I will keep you for every moment of your life.” Magnus tells him, swearing upon an angelic relic that croons temptingly to the corrupted blood in Magnus. “I will never throw you from me. Or give up on you. Whatever exists between us, it can grow to whatever we let it and no matter what that is, I will never abandon you. You, just you, would be enough, Alexander.”

Alexander wraps his trembling arms around Magnus and nods, “then take me away. Please, Magnus. From all of it.”

Magnus smirks at the one Silent Brother who never approached him and Jem nods in return. If his friend hadn’t told him about the properties of the soul sword in detail, this never would have worked.  However, Jem isn’t afraid to toe the line of nephilim law and Magnus has never seen him so enraged as he was when he pressed against Magnus’ mind in secrecy earlier.

The clave cannot refute Magnus’ words, not when sworn on the soul sword or witnessed by two Silent Brothers and that means that this is binding.

The clave no longer has any say or power over Alexander, only Magnus does.

[k7l4d4]

K Reviews and Rants: Miraculous Ladybug Season 5! Episode 21

Alright, onto the episode that is supposedly meant to show Lila finally getting figured out.

Now, I'm gonna ignore the usual Lila Manipulates everyone BS. This episode has two big problems with it.

Firstly, it tries to present Miss Bustier and Damocles as reasonable authority figures... yet neither of them ever actually try and get the students' direct input or seriously question the out of character career requests for them. Additionally, it has Mylene get on a soapbox about kids "being forced to pick their futures so early in life" or something stupid like that. (Takes a deep breath) I literally had to change what I wanted to do for work three times growing up. Now, I'm not that old, I'll admit, but I have firsthand experience with having to make a change in career choice after making a decision. This episode treating Mylene as making some profound statement, when she's basically just rephrasing the simple fact that there's no guarantee a person is going to maintain the same career in life after school as some kind of criticism of the educational system. Now, I know NOTHING about the French Educational system... but when it tries to push an aesop like this right after literally showing everyone cheerfully and eagerly acting as if they didn't have a perfect idea of what they want to do in life, it just comes off as awkward. Oh, and them further making Adrien into a damsel in distress with nothing more of substance to him then his crush on Marinette was... uncomfortable on so many levels.

Secondly, this episode going full sympathetic retcon on Sabrina in the most blatant way possible. For a series that has done basically nothing with her besides have her be Chloe's goon, they are trying very hard to pretend she hasn't been Chloe's willing accomplice all this time. They are acting as if she's never gotten anyone hurt or damaged anyone's lives on Chloe's behalf before, despite this very season showing how she ratted out Marinette's "Crush" to Chloe in Derision and Chloe using that to play a mean prank on Marinette... and ignoring all the times she's lied and stolen on Chloe's request, without a hint of protest. It's hard to see Sabrina as an innocent bystander or dupe when this season is the first time she's ever shown any guilt or remorse for being Chloe's lackey... and it being the first time she's done something THIS bad doesn't really work when she's stating it's because her dad's a cop (when that's never mattered to her before) and because "helping Chloe has never hurt anyone" (which is just a straight-up lie). It feels less like she's turning on Chloe out of guilt or remorse and more because she's upset that Chloe is seemingly replacing her with Lila... when this episode really makes it feel more like Lila is making Chloe HER "Sabrina."

Anyway, rambling Forward over. Onto the review! As always, please forgive my profanity.

Episode 21: Confrontation

Okay, now we get the opening scene of Adrien struggling with an orientation form with Plagg pointing out how simple it is. Just... writing down your request for next year's school and your career goals. Admittedly, I can see why this would be hard with Adrien; bullshit writing decisions or not, Adrien struggling to figure out what he wants to do with his life makes perfect sense. Although I sincerely doubt that this would be a hardlocked "one and done" thing that is absolutely binding, because that would be utterly fucking stupid. Because if this kind of thing WERE absolutely binding, then you could have the biggest slacker in school write down the name of the fanciest, most exclusive school in the area that comes with a lot of perks and then slap down some stupid answer, and I doubt any school in the world would put up with something that easily abused.

...And we hear from Adrien that he isn't even writing down what HE wants, but what his father has DECIDED for him. REAL great development here, nice to know that the kid who literally BROKE OUT OF HIS OWN FUCKING HOUSE is still too chicken to figure out what he wants out of life. Also, the fact that they once again made Adrien's life decisions and attitudes be about someone else (how MARINETTE will feel about his dad making him move to London) is of course just fine. /s

Ugh, fine, I guess hearing Plagg show solidarity with Adrien is nice. Still kinda annoying, since Plagg is pretty much always just the goofball, rather than a serious individual.

Okay, so it looks like these orientation forms do have a safety check, in that the teachers review things with the students to see if they have the qualifications to go to their chosen school for their studies of choice... now how does this get ruined? Oh yeah, Marinette gets a "strange feeling" now that she and Alya aren't the class reps. Clearly this strange feeling has NOTHING to do with the person she KNOWS is a liar and manipulator who will screw over anyone for her own benefit is now the Class Rep, surely not!! Also, "entrusting us with their hopes and dreams!" Dramatic much? It's not as if they can't just apply to schools of their choice anyway... can they? I've got no fucking clue how the French Education System handles this crap.

Let's see what they wanna study...

Alya: Wants to be a Reporter, needs to specialize in Literature.

Nino: Movie Director. Weird how his love of music and DJing disappeared.

Mylene: "Defender of the Earth." Wow, they couldn't even pretend to have her put down a serious job, could they?

Ivan: Stay-at-home-dad. ...Huh, I honestly can't say anything snarky about that, it takes guts to be cool with that kind of life, I just hope he knows what that kind of commitment entails.

Rose: "Hairstylist," okay, not too weird... "For Unicorns." Never mind, they really aren't even pretending to have her be serious, they are straight-up insisting Rose is a delusional idiot. That might sound harsh, but come the FUCK on, there's a line between having an innocent idealism still, and unironically wanting a job that involves working with mythical creatures. Who knows, maybe Unicorns actually exist in MLB, I doubt that her job is even remotely applicable. Wait, she got told Unicorns don't exist... and changed it to "Hairstylist for Dragons."

Juleka: I couldn't even hear what she said, but given Marinette's comment on "that being SO you," I'm gonna assume it's something insanely stereotypically "goth."

Sabrina: A nurse. Because she "loves taking care of other people." I am cringing, because it sounds like they are trying to insist Sabrina being Chloe's enabler and minion is something positive that "Chloe tainted" or some shit like that. Also, she's never shown any indication of wanting to take care of people before, EVER.

Chloe: "I don't need to do anything since I'm already rich." They are seriously this fucking stupid. They can't even give her wanting to be something snobby and "powerful" that will let her pander to her own ego, they seriously are treating her like an unironic "Ideal Rich" stereotype. News flash, even RICH PEOPLE HAVE STUFF THEY LIKE TO DO. God fucking dammit.

Lila: I'm not even going to type her answer since it's a bare-faced lie meant to make her look good, which she even admits to.

Also, I'm genuinely confused on why we never got Nathaniel's, Max's, or Kim's. I'm not even gonna pretend to touch Alix's situation with a ten foot pole.

Seeing Marinette fretting about "entrusting her classmate's futures to such awful girls" really, REALLY annoys me. The entire fucking REASON that Lila is even class-rep is because of the authors trying to pretend that Lila transferred in BEFORE the elections for Class Rep took place, when I'm literally looking at the timeline and she explicitly came LONG AFTER.

Yada yada yada, Lila lying through her teeth again. Wow, not even ten seconds and she's having Sabrina destroy the original forms and forge new ones. UGH. "You're using too many words to explain your plan!" HAHAHA ISN'T CHLOE BEING A DUMB BLONDE STEREOTYPE HILARIOUS!? I AM ENJOYING THIS AND NOT PISSED OFF AT ALL!!! And WOW, Lila's "brilliant plan" is to just... frame Marinette for replacing everyone's forms with ones that would make them miserable. There are clearly no holes in this, certainly not the fact that Miss Bustier KNOWS now that Sabrina can and does forge signatures and handwriting, and that the whole "frame Marinette for doing something awful" routine only has a 50% success record, even with Lila's bullshit in effect. This isn't stupid, nope, not one bit. /s

And we get a reminder from Chloe that Andre is a stereotypical scumbag politician, it's been a while since the show has been willing to do that. I wonder if it has something to do with the show trying to pretend he's a good dad because of Zoe?

Also, apparently the lynchpin to Lila's plan is having Sabrina lie and say that MARINETTE made her forge the papers... wow, people will totally buy that the girl who does anything and everything Chloe says would ever take orders from someone other than Chloe, that's definitely what will happen. Much shock, much brilliance. /s

Wow, literally having Chloe gush over Lila's plan being "utterly villainous." They aren't even pretending to be subtle in the slightest. This is pathetic. And now Sabrina's blowing into her weird whistle in a panic because she "can't do this." Girl, you have been Chloe's lapdog and have had no problem with ruining lives in the past without a hint of regret, don't pretend you have a conscience NOW of all times. Also, what the FUCK is with that stupid whistle? Where did it come from, and why is it only NOW something so important to her??

"Helping Chloe doesn't hurt anyone" YOU LITERALLY TRIED TO STEAL MARINETTE'S DIARY IN SEASON ONE CUT THE BULLSHIT. "Forging documents and lying? It's different!" No. IT IS NOT. YOU HAVE LIED ON CHLOE'S BEHALF MANY TIMES IN THIS SERIES ALREADY!!!

And after a moment of pointless cruelty (and more "I didn't do anything wrong!!" whining from Sabrina) by Chloe, we are now back to the reappearance of... ugh. The "Resistance." What have these idiots accomplished again...? Oh right, they publicly harassed Adrien's father, fell hook line and sinker for Hawkmoth's idiotic "scheme" to conceal his identity again, lead a fairly pointless resistance against Hawkmoth after he gets the Ladybug Earrings... and that's about it. What a joke.

Okay, and somehow Damocles hears them and is looking for them on the basis that they are intruders. He's honestly not wrong, since I sincerely doubt they are supposed to be hiding in that weird nook in the school after class hours. Apparently Nino's "brilliant plan" is for all of them to go to the same high school... for many, MANY reasons, that feels utterly fucking stupid to me, since there's no guarantee that any of them would get schedules that would let them meet up, there's no guarantee that the school would be able to accommodate their future goals and ideals, and, oh yeah, THEY DON'T NEED TO GO TO THE SAME SCHOOL TO STILL BE A TEAM.

And it seems Damocles is a fan of their plan. Not terrible, but that feels like the kind of thing that's gonna get out of hand in the worst way VERY QUICKLY. Also, Nino thinking his plan will be able to fix Adrien's problem would be hilarious if it didn't illustrate how stupid the writers are making the cast for the sake of plot. And yup, the little problem of them having different dreams and goals that are incompatible with all going to the same school immediately crops up.

While Marinette takes a call, Mrs. Mendeleev is tattling on the "Resistance" to Mr. Damocles. For once, she's absolutely right that them lurking in the boiler room is unacceptable. Not only is it breaking several rules, it's just plain dangerous to be in a place like that without a good reason. And... Damocles is covering for them. That would be sweet if it weren't liable to get him in massive trouble. Oh, looks like Mendeleev is unsatisfied with how Damocles runs things. I mean, so am I, but I doubt she'd be any better given her track record.

"It's so unfair that we have to decide what we want to do so early on in life!" MYLENE, IF YOU THINK THAT THIS IS THE BE-ALL END-ALL OF YOUR LIFE, YOU ARE FUCKING DELUSIONAL. Changing careers and exploring different subjects and career paths is NORMAL. People who go into one thing and never divert from it are the EXCEPTION not the rule. I wanted to become a programmer, then got into IT, before I finally ended up as a Pharmacy Technician. Them acting as if "taking a bunch of different courses to figure out what we want" is this groundbreaking thing pisses me off. They come off as spoiled brats, especially when each of them had pretty clear ideas on what they wanted to do right off the bat. This is fucking stupid.

No no no. I'm not even remotely pretending to entertain them acting as if trying to "take a stand" against filing these forms THAT THEY ALREADY FILLED OUT AND HANDED OVER by "striking" is anything other then performative BS. I have had my fill of performative BS for a while now. Fuck this.

Seriously, why the fuck do they have Juleka speaking so fucking QUIETLY? This is just fucking bizarre. She's capable of speaking at a normal volume without issue, she's SPOKEN at a normal volume without issue THIS SEASON, why is she having this problem NOW OF ALL TIMES!? Ding Dong, Rose points out the fucking problem with doing a "strike" when it comes to something THEY HAVE ALREADY DONE.

And it looks like MAYBE Adrien has pushed himself to do something other then be totally enslaved to what Gabe wants of him... and we don't even get to see it. Who bets that it's Adriennette shit? ...Yup, it's Adriennette shit. He literally didn't even list anything, he just said he "wanted to be with Marinette." If that's supposed to be touching, it fails. It's just him basically wasting a form by treating it like a love letter.

And Chloe dumps the form in the emergency bathroom that she and Lila are hiding in. How did no one see them all enter at the same time, and why was no one suspicious? And I cannot repeat myself enough, them trying to act as if Sabrina just NOW has a conscience PISSES ME OFF.

And we get a scene of Caline taking Lila at face value. For fuck's sake, this better not be binding... and Damocles is taking Lila's bullshit rationalization on why Alya obviously put down "Optician" at face value, FUCK. THAT. THIS is why this guy needs to be kicked out of his position, he SUCKS AT HIS JOB. Seriously, why the fuck would ALYA WEARING GLASSES MEANS SHE WANTS TO MAKE THEM FOR PEOPLE!? And Mrs. Mendeleev just saying "her grades allow it" really proves she's no better at this job then Damocles is. Uuuggghhh... your JOB should be to call in Alya and TALK WITH HER since her homeroom teacher has literally JUST POINTED OUT THAT THIS IS UNUSUAL FOR ALYA. FUCK THIS SHIT.

"Juleka wants to repeat the year" NOPE. FUCK THAT. END OF FUCKING STORY. You do not get to CHOOSE TO REPEAT A YEAR!!!! FUCK THAT FUCK THAT FUCK THAT!!! WHY ARE THESE IDIOTS NOT QUESTIONING THIS!?!? Wow, the speech impediment that didn't exist until recently, truly a "brilliant reason" for her to want to be held back WHICH IS NOT A THING THAT HAPPENS. And another sign of Mrs. Mendeleev being just as useless as Damocles in that she doesn't oppose a child apparently sabotaging her own education.

And NOW we get the class reacting to the news!! How will the writers fuck THIS up, I wonder?

"You sure you didn't get mine by mistake?" Kim saying that would be funny if it weren't for the sheer stupidity of the teachers and Damocles apparently being dumb enough to just buy Lila's bullshit at face value AND Miss Bustier doing NOTHING to actually oppose it!!! Oh, and another Dumb Blonde joke, but this time it's Rose who's the butt of it.

And whatever drama this should result in gets sidetracked by what looks to be Juleka getting Akumatized. Let's see if that'll actually go through with it or if they'll bring back the Resistance's bullshit "tactics" again. Also, why is Gabe/Hawkmoth acting like he's got this history of akumatizing people during Teacher Rep Meetings when this is the first time these have ever even been MENTIONED?

And the magical charm proves to be immediately useless! Who didn't see that coming, show of hands!

And it's Reflekta again. UGH. Also, them trying to act as if not being (verbally) understood or listened to is a recurring problem with Juleka falls flat when she's never had this speech impediment prior to this season. Her issue was being SEEN, not HEARD, dumbass writers. Yup, they are using the dumb tactics, and putting themselves in danger in the process. Kiddies, it's WAY TOO FUCKING LATE FOR THAT.

Huh, they actually bothered to give an old Akuma an improved version of their prior power!! Now if only it wasn't the Akuma LEAST USEFUL TO GETTING THE MIRACULOUSES!!! Also, the fact that their classmates didn't immediately run when they saw that the Akuma was Reflekta, especially since this one operates as a hive mind it seems. It's also kinda stupid that they are trying to tie Reflekta's powers of image copying with the motivation of "staying with her friends" since it just plain DOES NOT FIT REFLEKTA AS AN AKUMA.

This plan is even stupider than normal. Not only was the Akuma taken out in less than a handful of minutes, they basically just got lucky that they took out the "real Reflekta." This was a waste of time.

Now back to the school, where Alya and the rest ask Lila what happened at the conference. SURELY this isn't a plot, SURELY this isn't all a trick- Oh who am I kidding, of course it is. Yup, Lila immediately passes the blame onto Marinette. And Chloe immediately pulls out the fact that Marinette's the only one with an unaltered form as "proof" that this is all her fault, and Lila says it's all because they voted her to be Class Rep. Wow, what a "brilliant plan."

Marinette immediately points out the obvious flaw in her being the one to make the fake forms. And when Lila tries to flip it on her, Marinette calls out Sabrina, who Chloe shoves in front of herself. HOW the class can't smell that this is staged, I have no clue whatsoever. AND SABRINA FINALLY GROWS A SPINE!! WHOOPDY-FUCKING-DOO!! WHO GIVES A SHIT!? IT'S TOO LITTLE TOO LATE TO GROW A FUCKING CONSCIENCE WHEN YOU'VE BEEN ACTING AS IF YOU'VE NEVER DONE ANY WRONG UP UNTIL NOW!!!

And Chloe, because of course they are still keeping her the dumb one, loudly calls Sabrina a traitor and says that "wasn't the plan." Lila tries to run damage control... by immediately throwing SABRINA under the bus and claiming that Sabrina is the liar, and was "just being used by Marinette." Seriously, CHLOE ADMITTED THAT THIS WAS THEIR PLAN!!! HOW STUPID IS THIS!? EXTREMELY STUPID!!! Also, wow, calling Marinette a "Civilian Monarch." She isn't even trying anymore.

And Sabrina, no, she is not turning everything you say against you, she's lying. Turning what you say against you is when you repeat what someone says in a way that means differently from what they intend. What she's doing is lying, blatantly, calling you a liar, and trying to gaslight you into going along with what she wants, and she's not being even remotely subtle about it. WHY ARE NONE OF THEIR CLASSMATES REACTING TO THIS!? WHY!?!?!

Yeesh, even if you ignore how stupid and blatant Lila's lies are, this is genuinely creepy how she's openly trying to gaslight and badger Sabrina into doing what she wants and agreeing with her. It's sincerely disturbing to see her being this fucking obvious.

Also, it's kinda weird how Sabrina emphasizes that her dad is a policeman.

And after Sabrina runs off, Chloe literally tells Sabrina to 'heel,' like a dog. THAT'S the Miraculous they think suits Sabrina best... how nauseating. No joke, this part of the episode is making me sick to my stomach.

Wow, a classic "I'll have my dad fire you(r dad)" threat from Chloe. Haven't heard one of those in awhile.

And after Lila begins bragging about how great of a liar she is (SHE REALLY ISN'T PEOPLE!!!), and threatens Sabrina, Sabrina springs her trap and reveals she engineered a public confession. This would be cathartic if it weren't TOTALLY STUPID HOW LONG LILA'S LIES HAVE BEEN MAINTAINED BY PEOPLE TAKING HER AT FACE VALUE OVER ALL ELSE!!!!

Yadda yadda yadda, Sabrina grew a conscience and revealed everything to Marinette, acting as if she hasn't tried to gleefully ruin lives and damage reputations at Chloe's behest before. And they seriously built an entire fake bathroom with a one-way window-mirror thing just to catch her. How obnoxious. Seriously, all they did was put up a "bathroom busted" sign and that was enough, and the school never tried to call a plumber or something!? THIS IS STUPID!!! They should've been aware this ENTIRE TIME that the actual bathroom was perfectly fine, making this entire plan of Marinette's as sound as a pile of SAND!!!

"I'll fix everything." Fix WHAT!? By all accounts you just faked the bathrooms being out of order, switched out a mirror for a back-up bathroom that never needed making and thus probably cost the school quite a pretty penny to make, and wasted several school hours by enabling Lila's idiotic plan involving those orientation forms WHICH SHOULD NOT HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN THAT BIG OF A FUCKING DEAL!!!

Caline says they owe Marinette an apology, they kinda do. They also probably deserve to be fired since they've shown nothing but raw, unfettered ineptitude THIS ENTIRE FUCKING SEASON AND EVERY EPISODE INVOLVING LILA!!! Wow, Chloe actually bothered acting on one of her threats to call her father!! TOO BAD THAT HER DAD DOESN'T HAVE THE POWER TO GET RID OF DAMOCLES!! I agree he needs to go, but Andre doesn't have the power to do that. Mayor of the year, people, Mayor of the fucking year.

I'm just tuning out the rest of this, since it's basically Damocles FINALLY bothering to act like a proper educator and Andre going back to his Season 1 days of being a slimeball politician that throws his weight around to keep his daughter's image clean. Oh, and it looks like the only reason he went along with it was because Audrey was coercing him with her present, CLEARLY they are "in love," and this isn't downplaying Andre being a self-serving spineless leech. Heck, this makes him MORE of a spineless leech since he's getting pushed around by Audrey FOR NO FUCKING REASON.

"Now you're not getting fired either!" Audrey, he's your husband, not an employee, and he has more authority than you. Fuck this bullshit.

And the entire class rallying around Damocles would be more touching if he weren't a fucking joke of a principal on every level. We also see the Magic Charms FINALLY BE FUCKING USEFUL!! Who knows, maybe this unknown until now power will actually be fucking relevant... yeah, I don't believe it either.

Yadda yadda yadda, character shilling for Damocles by acting as if he's always been a good principal and not a fucking joke with no spine. And now we get the scene of Caline joining the "Chloe is pure evil and always has been, so there's no point in trying to change her, point and scorn her as nothing but trash" club. And we get a "I thought you could change if people reached out to you!" speech which acts as if the token gestures that never went anywhere were really meaningful attempts to reform her, blech. And Caline's "punishment" for Chloe is literally just the "extra help" she said Chloe would need last episode reframed as a threat. Idiotic. And apparently Lila has an entirely separate identity as "Cerise" on top of her somehow tricking three women into believing she's her daughter and HOW MUCH FUCKING MORE DO THE WRITERS PLAN ON SHILLING HER AS THIS MASTER MANIPULATOR!? BECAUSE SHE AIN'T ONE!! SHE IS A TEENAGE GIRL WITH FUCKING DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR!! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!!!

[metanarrates]

what gets me about the loz series is how it is insanely ripe for subversion. so much of the series feels like its building up for a plot twist, for an internal deconstruction, to tell us that everything was a lie that is now being torn down. but the final twist never comes, and thats felt the most painfully in totk, the game that is the number one most built for subversion, and arguable the game that subverts itself the least.

it also celebrates the empire of hyrule and zelda place as a ruler and link's role of hero to a degree that hasn't really been felt before, ocarina of time and twilight princess and the windwaker all hold varying levels of suspicion and melancholy to those systems of power, the wind waker going as far as to let the old hyrule be washed away. even skyward sword which celebrates the creation of the later questionable kingdom has an edge of hesitance with demise declaring his curse, regardless of how literally you interpret the curse itself, it holds a thematic weight of referencing the future suffering that occurs within the kingdom they build, of the cycle of war and violence and fate etc. totk almost seems to actively fights against any criticism of those things.

totk ends up feeling almost tired, botw sets up the beginning of a new era for zelda, both a return to its roots and a new direction. i feel like a lot of people were feeling like we were gearing up for a great grand plot twist, to have all those old referenced games dug up and recontextualized. and then it just, doesn't do that. there is no plot twist, everything is played straight, nothing changes.

no matter how much loz reinvents itself, it remains the same as it ever was. the cycle continues, forever.

the sense of incoming deconstruction comes from the fact that ideas of fate and the divine right of kings and such are inherently unsustainable ideas! a clever person may notice that and assume that the unsustainability and the doubt are purposeful elements. unfortunately, the creators do not treat those ideas as unsustainable, both for cynical moneymaking reasons and for reasons of genre convention. while breath of the wild and other games, as mentioned, put forward some doubt on the idea of fate, the series fundamentally cannot deconstruct itself. to do so would be to make its internal engine fall apart.

ultimately, loz is a conservative series. both in terms of its actual politics and what it's willing to do artistically. it cannot push the envelope too far because that would make it lose its mass appeal. acknowledging the negative aspects of fate and the divine monarchy or what the fuck ever is honestly part of its appeal. you can have a greater nuance of writing acknowledging that those are a shackle on the characters and series. but, in the same breath, you reaffirm them as integral to the world and therefore good. zelda struggles with failing as princess, but in the end, she becomes the barrier maiden she was always meant to be. link's issues as a hero molded him into silence, but his silence is a necessary part of his projectability as a player character. at the end of the day, the formula remains as it ever was lol. totk just did away with the nuance because the writers didn't feel like making it more than a cash grab. it's not going to ever deconstruct itself no matter how much you wish it would.

[zestezele]

THE MIDNIGHT THRESHOLD - Chapter One

The silence reigning in the manor had remained pristine for decades. The dust lay dormant, unmoved on the ground, and the shadows were continuous, never even ruptured by daylight. Tonight though, on the 23rd of November, a knock on the door could be heard...

9:27 PM. Night had long since fallen at this latitude. School was over, and, eager to release the frustration hoarded all day long, Ellie violently kicked the door. It was the entrance to an abandoned mansion, once a luxurious abode of a rich and influential family, now fallen into disgrace for nearly a century, sealed off from the world. For her boyfriend Kai’s birthday, she wanted to find something special, something rare and unheard of. What better place to uncover a quaint pair of leather shoes left in a closet, or a diary hidden under a floorboard, full of unknown - yet useless - gossip? Who knew? And to ensure Kai would like his present, Ellie brought him along. Him, and his best friend Jake.

The door cracked out of its hinges, spun on one edge, and fell loudly to the ground. A cloud of dust rose into the air, carrying the scent of history and oblivion. Jake lit a flashlight and cast a glance over the blonde girl’s shoulder.

"Actually, I don’t think it’s a good id..." he tried to say but couldn't finish his sentence. Ellie turned and pushed on his head, making the boy bend forward until his face almost met his stomach, and ruffled his hair.

"You had a great idea! Ask Kai, he was really eager!" she teased. The young woman smiled and stepped into the manor, followed by her astonished yet quietly proud boyfriend. Jake muttered something only he could hear and kept behind.

Flailing moths flashed in the beams of their torch lights. Ellie coughed, the smell of decay stinging her lungs. She covered her mouth with her T-shirt, and the two boys immediately imitated her.

"If even bums don’t squat here, there’s probably a reason!" Jake mumbled through the fabric.

The rest of the group ignored his sudden doubt and apprehension. The oaken parquet creaked beneath their feet as they ventured further inside, and the dust settled again.

"What if the roof collapses on us?" Jake asked nervously.

Intrigued by his friend’s remark, Kai pointed his light at the ceiling, which was peeling away in large flakes.

"What if the police come and arrest us for tres..."

Before he could finish, Ellie and Kai simultaneously directed their flashlights at the redhead moaner. Ellie smirked and asked: "Remind me, who had the idea to come here in the first place? And we’re like five miles from the nearest living soul. You should only be worried if trees were cops because all that’s out there is forest!"

Kai added: "If ya don’t have the balls to keep going, 't’s fine, ya can clear off, ya know?"

Ellie set a disapproving glare at her boyfriend, then approached Jake and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I know you’re a brave guy, aren’t you? Come on, we’ll be careful, I swear. I’m sure we’ll leave this place with some good memories!" she reassured him.

Kai sighed, then gave Jake a friendly punch on the chest."Yeah, sorry, mate… ya’ll see, it’s gonna be dope!"

Jake looked down, running a hand through his hair. Ellie quipped: "Besides, we’ll be short on freckles if you leave!" before turning and pushing ahead. Jake chuckled.

The dust stirred up by the door’s fall had finally settled after their brief exchange, and they could breathe freely again. By the glow of their flashlights, a vast hallway was revealed. A dark, faded carpet stretched across the floor, its once vibrant crimson and gold tones still faintly visible. Supported by two parallel wooden colonnades, a grand staircase led to the upper floors, and towering over the scene was an imposing crystal chandelier, swaying and rustling like a tree of glass leaves as the new wind blew in from the open door.

Behind the wooden pillars, a series of doors opened into the lateral wings of the building. Opposite the entrance, across the long carpet, an archway loomed, like a mouth full of darkness, whispering luring hymns to the teenagers. The three directed their beams toward it, intrigued but slightly unsettled. Jake gulped, and Ellie exclaimed: "Let’s start there!"

On their way toward the obscurity concealed by the ominous arch, Kai found a mirror. He wedged his torch under his armpit and stared at his reflection with attention. As he adjusted his chestnut-brown hair, Ellie yanked him by the collar of his sweatshirt.

"But!..

- You'll do your hair later, pretty boy, we’ve got to get you something, remember?"

As they crossed the threshold, the three of them drew closer together. Even the vocal couple felt a latent sense of intimidation. Shoulder to shoulder, the trio emerged into what appeared to be a dining room. They tried to survey the room in silence, but the shadows were so thick that their flashlights struggled to pierce through. They could just make out the silhouette of a table... Jake opened his mouth: "Do you...?"

BANG!!!

A chorus of screams erupted deep from their throats, goosebumps spread across fair skin, and two shivering sheaves of light were frantically directed toward the source of the intrusive noise. The startled teenagers could make out the shape of a bird taking flight in the darkness. Kai had dropped his torch and was gripping both Ellie’s and Jake’s hands tightly.

"Ah ha ha!..." Ellie burst into laughter. "Just a silly old crow! Ah ha!"

She quickly regained her composure.

"Uh, guys, it’s okay! Honey, you can let go of my hand now.

- Oh, yeah, sorry!" Kai stammered as he realized he had been holding both their hands for far too long.

Ellie approached the object that had fallen under the bird’s talons and caused the loud noise.

"It was a candelabrum, with... candles. They must have left in a hurry..."

She ran her flashlight along the length of the table. Other candelabrums stood untouched.

"Kai, do you have your lighter? A little more light would help!"

Her boyfriend nodded, kindled all the candles and one cigarette for himself. He offered the pack to his friends, but Jake declined with a wave of the hand. Ellie and Jake spoke at the same time:

"Not now, maybe later!"

The lurking menace of the darkness and silence slowly began to fade. They spoke aloud across the now illuminated dining room, sharing their discoveries and laughing. The manor was starting to feel almost familiar.

"Look, Kai! I’ve found something for you!" Ellie waved a silver hand-mirror in the air, showing it to her boyfriend. Kai chuckled and took it gratefully.

"I’ll keep it, thanks! But it won’t be enough, ah ha!" he kissed Ellie’s hair.

"Greedy!" the girl teased, and pointed toward a door that led to the west wing. "Now, let’s head that way! Grab some candles!"

Jake, who had been rummaging through an old buffet, pulled his head out, covered in cobwebs, and spat out dust. The next room was actually a small, round stairwell. The steps seemed sturdy enough. Kai tested the first ones, pushing down hard on his knees. The others followed, and they emerged into what looked like a personal, cozy office. It was filled with well-stocked bookshelves, a wide desk, a comfortable chair, a cold hearth, and a chest of drawers, along with a spare bed.

"I’d love to study here!!" Ellie exclaimed, her eyes shining with excitement. Jake moved closer to the shelves, reverently browsing the book titles with infinite curiosity.

"If only my bedroom was this big..." Ellie mused as she sat at the desk like it was a throne, with her boyfriend perching on the corner of it. With the cigarette dangling from his lips, Kai said: "Why don’t we come here more often? Could be a nice hideout!"

"I wish I could take all these books with me!" Jake added, engrossed in a thick volume on industrial history.

Kai stood up, walked toward the only window, and moved the curtain aside. He inspected the shutters... which promptly fell one floor down, noisily landing in the courtyard below. The room soon smelled of wet autumn leaves. When his cigarette burned out, he tossed the butt into the fireplace.

"Oh!" Ellie suddenly yelled, pointing toward something they hadn’t noticed before. She jumped to her feet, and the three teenagers gathered around, their attention drawn to a strongbox lying on the hearth’s mantel.

It was a heavy cube of rusted metal, and its lock was holding firm.

"I guess we’re not the first ones who try to open it!" the redhead commented, as his friends tried every combination they could think of.

"It’s weird no urbexers took that safe with them before...

- How could we open it?

- Do ya think it’ll break if we smash it on the ground?

- They're not the kind of guys to be scared by ghost stories...

- Let’s find a rock in the forest!

- Sure!

- Why don’t you try heating it so the lock yields? It’s old… maybe we can set a fire?"

Jake’s suggestion hit the mark. Ellie and Kai glanced at the ginger boy with approval and ran toward the bookcases, but Jake shouted and pulled them back by their shirts. "Nooo! Not the books! Find something else!"

The couple crossed their arms, and Kai asked: "What else, then?" Ellie pointed to a pile of old documents. Jake meticulously inspected each page before offering it to the nascent fire. It was, after all, only bank statements and productivity reports. "Millions of dollars... How come..."

Kai emptied all the drawers onto the floor, breaking them over his knee to feed the flames with the wood. Soot rained down from the sleeping chimney.

"Hotter!" Ellie commanded, gesturing to the boys, who were searching for what to throw into the fire next. "The painting!"

The young woman was pointing to an ugly frame.

"Wait, Kai!... Maybe it’s worth s..." Jake tried to finish his sentence, but once again, Kai ignored him. He climbed onto the sill, unhooked the picture, and jumped back down on lithe feet.

The silence that followed would have been absolute, if not for the crackling of smoldering paper and burning splinters. Ellie, Kai, and Jake stood frozen, hearts beating in unison with the same thrill of adventure and trespass, for behind the painting was a hidden hole, concealing a small wooden case made of pallet wood. They approached, intrigued by the mysterious box.

"I’ll do it!" Ellie extended her hand and took the case. She managed to open it with her bare hands, pulling the nails out of the wood a knife out of soft butter. Inside, nestled in a bed of hay, was a handwritten note and something wrapped in fabric. Jake took the page and began to read aloud:

"This is the proof of my weakness..."

Ellie and Kai, working together, unwrapped the item from its cloth. It was a necklace, a gleaming golden chain – the ultimate silversmithery of the previous century - elegantly carved. And it sheltered no precious gem. It had a coal-black pumice stone.

"...I should have had this thing destroyed years ago..."

The two of them reached out to touch the fragile stone, but pulled back, hesitant to handle the strange relic that seemed to have traversed eras.

"...I still hope the untamable can be mastered..."

The discovery had a mythical quality, as if it belonged to a tale, one of the kind they used to live as children.

"...If you find it, show more strength than I did, and please, rid the world of this thing. M.T.H."

Ellie finally seized the necklace and exclaimed with a delighted voice: "This is what I’m taking with me!"

Kai nodded and patted his girlfriend’s shoulders. "It’ll look great on ya!

- I don’t think it’s a good id..."

Kai snatched the note from Jake’s hand and threw it into the fire.

"Ya’re such a buzzkill tonight! What do ya think it’s gonna do? Rrrrh..." He rubbed his eyes and muttered: "Aah... sorry, Jake, I shouldn’t have...

- Boys! Stop arguing and look! Isn’t it beautiful?"

Ellie had slipped on the necklace and was gently dancing around. "This is surely some rare jewel!" Jake felt a surge of apprehension and anger flooding his whole body. If he could have just one wish granted in his life, it would be to be teleported far from here. He clenched his fists, wanting to cry, overwhelmed with frustration. Kai strode toward Ellie, took her hand, and kissed her hair again. "Ya’re beautiful!" he said. As he began to sway in rhythm with her, Ellie stopped and looked down. She coughed, then coughed again, as if an eternity of smut had gathered in her lungs. Kai tightened his grip on her hands and asked, "Ell? Ell... are you okay?" trying to find a way toward her eyes. Ellie doubled over from the coughing fit, folded, pulling away from Kai’s hands and pointing a finger into the air. She croaked in a low voice: "One sec'... I need..." Kai recoiled several steps back, taken aback.

Ellie stood tall and straight, stretching her arms and letting out a growl of relief. Under the confused, disbelieving eyes of her boyfriend and her friend, her chest... flattened and hardened. Her shoulders grew rounder and more muscular, her legs lengthened. And noticeably, they became hairier. As the slow transformation continued, her skin became drenched in sweat, as though she were enduring intense physical exertion. She moaned and laughed at the same time.

[E] My chest! Feels like it's cracking open … Why am I... laughing?

Except for the upper part of her pants, her clothes no longer fit the young man – as it must be said – she was becoming, and they tore to rags. Her jaw became more angular, and her face transformed drastically, from soft and feminine to sharp and masculine. Her long, wheat-colored hair shortened and darkened like night. And what couldn’t be missed, even under torn pants, was unfurling and swelling between her legs.

[E] No! No, don’t look at me! Please, Kai, don’t...

The young man now standing where Ellie had been was black-haired, pale, thin, and tall. Handsome.

[E] I...

Dark rings encircled his eyes, as if he hadn’t slept for centuries. His body glistened with sweat. He licked his arms to taste the salty moisture and smiled before laughing loudly. "FINALLY!!!" His shout, full of energy, extinguished the candles, plunging the office into darkness. The two boys were terrified, trembling like rabbits caught for the last seconds in the headlights of an oncoming car. The stranger cracked his knuckles and asked: "So? You’re the ones I have to thank, huh?"

Kai, now looking like a small, frightened puppy next to the dark figure, started to cry. He couldn’t recognize even one inch of the soft, familiar skin in this muscular stranger. With a boyish voice, he barked: "Where’s Ellie?!? Gimme Ellie back!!!" He glanced madly at the necklace and, in a swift motion, ripped it off the unfamiliar neck. An evil laugh echoed through the room, and the demon whispered: "Too late."

No one would ever know how Kai’s face was soaked with tears and snot. No one would ever know how red his face had become from crying so much. Kai turned and ran for his life. "HELP!!! H-..."

Four loud footsteps, then a stop. Full rest. Was that all Kai had managed in his escape? Jake felt as if he had two hearts beating in his feet, pulsing against the ground, draining him of all blood so he couldn’t move. How he managed to steadily turn his flashlight in the direction Kai had run, he couldn’t say. His body wasn’t his anymore. He had become a machine, a robot, programmed by instinct to survive by suppressing fear. His blood felt like acid... He wanted to run too, but instead, he fell to his knees and soiled his pants.

[K] Run... Run! I have to run. Just keep moving. Don’t think. Don’t stop. Why don't I move?

Kai was frozen midstride behind Jake, motionless.

[K] Slow... Stopped... I'm... losing... Jake... Ellie... Help me... I don’t want to go... please...

A human statue. But not one made of stone, marble, or iron. A statue made of thousands, millions of insects, crawling from his skin down to his very flesh. Kai’s flashlight slipped from his hand, which had turned into a writhing mass of millipedes, cockroaches, ants, and moths. The human figure held its shape for a few seconds longer. Dark eye sockets wept spiders as tears. The jaw slowly dropped, gaping open, revealing a silent throat from which a cloud of flies emerged. Then, Kai collapsed grotesquely, as if sucked in on himself, crumbling into a pile of teeming insects amidst his clothes.

Jake remained silent, unable to do anything but stare at the pile of bugs, on which a sweatshirt, a pair of jeans, and a pair of sneakers lay eerily out of place, as if floating above the crawling swarm. The shoes spewed insects like disturbed anthills. "Do you like it? Heh, I thought it was a good idea too, though..." The presence yawned. "...I’m a bit rusty, could’ve been more original. Anyway, you’re the one I have to thank! Congrats!" The man squatted and gave Jake’s shoulder a few warm taps. "What do you want? Tell me, I’ll give it to you. Some money? Or maybe you want to be a lady-killer?" Jake couldn’t speak, as if he was choking on his own tongue. What could he say? He couldn’t even bring himself to look at the demon. Kai... Ellie...

"I..."

The demon pouted in confusion and tilted his head. "You?" ...

"I want Ellie and Kai back!"

- Oh, how boring! You humans are still so emotional and predictable. You know, I really wanted to thank you! The only way I could give you your friends back right now would be to split you in two halves..." He made a vertical slice motion with his forefinger and whistled the sound of a blade. "… and shape two versions of your friends from it! But trust me, you wouldn’t like that. Oh boy, you really wouldn’t. So, ask for something else, now! I’m not known for my patience. Bore me again, and I’ll cook up something spicy of you!"

- Who... who are you?"

Jake wasn't sure he really wanted to know. The question felt dull, painfully dull. The entity - the demon - was surely going to tear him to pieces.

[J] This is my time...

But the question seemed to be taken seriously.

"I’ve had many names and many forms. Hades, Mictlantecuhtli, Ereshkigal, or perhaps you know me as... Anubis!" A wave of black fur sprouted over the man’s skin. His head morphed into that of a jackal, and he snapped his sharp fangs in front of Jake’s face. Jake flinched and began to wail.

"M-my f-friends are dead! If you're going to k-kill me, just do it, please!" he shouted through his river of tears. The sobs didn’t stop as Anubis moved closer, his canine muzzle breathing warm air onto Jake’s face. One second. One minute... When Jake realized he hadn’t been torn to shreds of meat or reduced to a pile of bones, his crying slowly dimmed. Anubis laughed again, and as he changed back into human form, he continued: "Dead? Kill? You humans always use such grand words!

- If they’re not dead, then what are they?!

- Let’s just say... they’re not the same anymore, ha ha!"

The transformation into his jackal form had shredded the last remains of Ellie’s clothing, leaving Anubis standing bare in the dark. If not clad by the surrounding shadows, his malehood would have appeared fully exposed. The dark-haired young man walked over to what remained of Kai. In the halo of the flashlight, Jake saw the god picking up Kai’s clothes, shaking the insects from them, and putting them on. Anubis even seemed to shrink in size, now looking exactly like a teenager, the same age as Jake, Ellie, or Kai - two years shy of twenty.

"Show me what the world has become! I want to have some fun. And if you’re a good guide for me, little carrothead, you know what? I might just mold your friends back from two random bodies out there!"

[wondrousmay]

Character Discussion Series: Toyama Kasumi (BanG Dream!)

In honour of Kasumi’s birthday (14th July), here’s my tribute to her!

Toyama Kasumi is a character that has a special place in my heart. She may seem like the usual “genki protagonist” at first glance but Kasumi is a fascinating character once you take a deeper look into her story.

Kasumi’s search for “the heartbeat of the stars”

To understand Kasumi, I think we need to understand the beginning of her journey: everything began one night when young Kasumi heard the heartbeat of the stars. This kirakiradokidoki feeling (sparkling and heart-pounding) was her “sound of beginning” (Searching For Stars event). When she heard/felt this, she got the feeling that something was going to happen. She kept searching and searching for this feeling again but was unable to find it. Until she came upon a trail of star stickers that led to Ryuuseidou (shooting star) and Random Star. Kasumi’s declaration of “This is it!” when she watched Glitter*Green performance is something I can relate to. That feeling when I’m watching a really good performance that made my heart pound with excitement. Kasumi wants to share this feeling with other people. This led her to finding the most important STAR: Saaya, Tae, Arisa, Rimirin.

In the last ep of S03, Kasumi tells Asuka that the beat of the stars were everyone she met along the way. In her special episode from her Sound Of The Beginning card (Searching For Stars), Kasumi tells us that she wanted to go back to tell her young self that the beating sound of the stars that night wasn’t just a dream. In her search, she found the members of Poppin’Party and all her friends from the other bands.

And because of this, the heartbeat of the stars is not only the guide for Kasumi but for all of PoPiPa too. It is the reason why they came together to play music and it represents the bonds that they share together (STAR BEAT! –Hoshi no Kudou-).

Kasumi’s LIGHT DELIGHT

Kasumi is not always the happy-go-lucky and genki character. She has her moments of doubts and failure too. The SPACE audition arc is important to Kasumi’s character. After hearing from Owner that she was the worst performer out of PoPiPa, she took this failure incredibly hard. She practiced alone in the dark, ruining several picks and cutting her fingers. She became isolated from the rest of band, fixated on improve her skills and losing the reason why she wanted to perform at SPACE in the first place. Kasumi overreacted when Arisa confronted her about it: Why is Kasumi working so hard to perform at SPACE? Was all the pain and hurt from failing worth it? Was it really fun? Kasumi thought that her friends weren’t having fun with her anymore because she was the least skilled. Ultimately, she lost her voice because of this paralyzing fear. However, this was not why any of the members join the band in the first place and Kasumi will finally be on the same page with the rest of PoPiPa when they all share their feelings in park (which led to one of my favourite scenes: them splitting up the lyrics of Mae e Susume and singing the new arrangement together).

There are other instances where Kasumi faced problems that she couldn’t solve with her “pushing forward and hope things work out” attitude: in S02, Tae’s involvement with RAS and her denial that everything would be okay led to their disastrous cultural festival. Of course, this isn’t her fault alone but this was an issue that every member of PoPiPa was in denial about until it was too late. It was something that the whole band needed to overcome together.

Kasumi’s leadership style

Kasumi is a “doer” type of person and her leadership style reflects this. She is the one who pulled the members of PoPiPa together and the one who brought the girls of the Girls Band Party together. As CHU2 said, she is the initiator.

She can be pushy, blind to the feelings of others and too enthusiastic especially at the beginning of the series but she has her friends’ interest at heart. She genuinely wanted to be friends with Arisa despite Arisa’s resistance at first. She listened to Rimirin and respected her decision to not join the band. She pulled Tae into the band with her passion for music and her determination to perform at SPACE despite her skill levels. Kasumi’s fight with Saaya made Saaya realized that she doesn’t have to bear the burden alone. She should be true to her feelings and talk about them with her family and friends.

Yes, her reckless optimism can backfire on her. In Double Rainbow, Kasumi continued to push forward and tried to get Arisa to practice with them as normal, hoping things would work out. Her actions hurt Arisa but Kasumi recognized her mistake and how she crossed a line. However, Saaya told her that Kasumi’s ability to take action, whether it was the right or wrong one, was admirable. Like Tae said, Kasumi was the only one who could pull the band back together.

In S03, Arisa was the one who came up with the plans about how to maximized their votes for Girls Band Challenge but she was hesitant about performing at CiRCLE and DUB out of fear. Kasumi was the one who pull them forward, encouraging PoPiPa to try out new things. The results are not the only important thing but it’s also the memories of the things that they experienced together on the journey.

In Live Beyond!!, we see how Kasumi's actions and attitude influenced those around her. However, this is not a one-way relationship because Kasumi is also influenced by the people around her as well. With the encouragement and support of her friends, she was able to move forward and do her best to help live performances grow alongside the performers. I'd like to describe Kasumi as a sensitive soul. Her interpretation of "lives are like living creatures" took me and even the Owner by surprise. I think the common interpretation of this phrase is that no single live performances are the same even with the same setlist. Each performances will be different and that's how people should experience live performances. So for Kasumi to say that lives are like living creatures and we have to help them grow and change into something better really emphasized how creative and thoughtful she is.

Kasumi’s song writing skills

Kasumi is PoPiPa’s lyricist and we can understand more about her through her songwriting and lyrics. In ‘Someday, A Poem for You’ event, we got to know more about Kasumi’s lyrics-writing process when Lisa asked for advice. Kasumi writes about things that gives her “sparkling and heart-pounding” emotions. She explained that there are a lot of sparkling and heart-pounding things in places that seem completely ordinary. She wants to share these emotions with everyone so they can feel them too. Lisa puts it into simple words: Kasumi changes the way she looks at things to make them shine. We can see a lot of ordinary and mundane things in PoPiPa’s lyrics, for example, in Girl’s Code, Home Street, Kizuna Music, Photograph, etc. Their normal everyday routines are precious for Kasumi and she puts these feelings into her lyrics. “Kasumi is a genius.” – Nakamura-sensei

In ‘Message For You event’, we got another wonderful example of Kasumi’s writing skills in her end of year speech as the representative of the First Years. Kasumi’s usual approach to writing lyrics, capturing the sparkling and heart-pounding feelings from her memories, helped with her speech writing. She went around talking to the friends she made, remembering how she felt during various events and took inspirations from other people’s words. Her speech was the best example of how Kasumi’s mind works. I highly recommend watching/reading Message For You event!

Another example that I want to talk about is Mae e Susume’s lyrics and how it reflects Kasumi’s relationships with other members of PoPiPa. During their first SPACE audition, Kasumi was the sole singer of Mae e Susume. After a discussion with friends, the general consensus was Kasumi wrote the majority of the lyrics. Here we can see how Kasumi viewed her friends and how they inspired her to keep on moving and never give up on reaching their dream of performing at SPACE.

Each of the member’s solo lines in the current version of the song can say a lot about Kasumi’s feelings. She likes Rimirin a lot but she doesn’t push her to do something she’s not ready for (to initially join the band). Her after-school guitar sessions with Tae were the start of their friendship. They bonded through the three chords and Kasumi understands Tae’s passion for music. Her conversation with Saaya under the starry night sky and their promise to sing together someday were important moments for the both of them. And Kasumi’s interactions with Arisa have always made her more honest about herself. Kasumi will realize that while being in a band and playing music can make her feel sparkling and heart-pounding, they are not the only things that make her feel this ways. It’s being with Saaya, Rimirin, Tae and Arisa and doing these things together that makes her even more sparkling and heart-pounding!

Meeting Kasumi has changed my life for the better and I owe her a lot.

[haloguyfttp]

This was supposed to be a short post about some mild salt with Clorinde being given much better treatment than Kujou Sara, but I got a little heated because I really like Sara and hate Hoyo's complete failure to do anything with her. If you go into this anyway... uhh, thanks, and sorry.

So I know they're different characters and all but... whenever I see the cutscene near the start of Fontaine Act 2, where Navia and Clorinde fight that whole army of Gardemeks, and specifically with how badass Clorinde is in it, I just feel salty because like... Goddamn imagine if Kujou Sara was given half this treatment.

Idk if I've mentioned it yet on here but I love Kujou Sara and the completely unfocused story, which for some reason barely involved her whilst forcing us to do unrelated quests that felt like a random forced date event for Yoimiya and Ayaka made me quit after Inazuma's story concluded. So coming back years later and seeing another serious-looking Electro character who gives off the same vibes on first meeting being given this much attention just makes me even more upset.

Something that irritates me even more is that so many characters now have gotten story quests and hangout quests, including damn near every new character, but Kujou Sara STILL hasn't been given ANYTHING. She like, shows up as a side character on rare occasion and THAT'S IT!

Funnily enough another character I also fucking LOVE from a much older series, Bleach's Soifon, has the exact same problem. Somehow like over a decade later Hoyo wrote a very similar character but failed to improve on it in the slightest. Both Sara and Soifon have so many similarities, and that painfully includes similarities in their writers' failure to do anything with them. Like they're permanently stuck in this middle ground where they're supposed to have had some development after whatever arc was focused on them, but actually pushing that development forward would mean changing them from how they were at the start, so they're just... stagnant. This even includes the endless joke of "Oh she simps for another female character who's superior to her and we're gonna run that joke into the fucking ground", because any good character development would basically require you to remove this aspect of their personality or at least tone it down from "Fanaticism" to "Respect". But we can't overuse 1 joke if we did that now can we?

Anyways just had to get that off my chest. Hoyo already got me back with Arlecchino, but here's my fingers-crossed prayer that after like 2 years of no development they'll finally give Kujou Sara something (I doubt it).

[acourtofthought]

I take it you saw that Bryce x Azriel theory too, and you’re not a fan? Lol

Was I that obvious? 😂

This is yet another theory where people are pushing too hard for something that logically makes no sense.

First off, Bryce and Az together would be AWFUL. What about their two personalities seems like a fit to people? She dislikes "alphaholes" which Az kind of is, was a party girl and social while Az likes his space. What do either of them have in common? They are literally from different worlds and don't have anything that connects them on a deeper level.

Also, SJM has confirmed that Bryce and Hunt's story is a trilogy, that if she were to move forward with additional CC books it would be from other characters POV of which there are many she wants to tell.

No that doesn't mean Bryce and Hunt's love story will be three books at which time they'll end their relationship and Bryce's journey will continue on where she'll end up having an entirely new POV in an entirely new storyline with an entirely new love interest. That's like saying Feysands trilogy ended with ACOWAR and Feyre was going to get a new POV with a new romantic interest after that. SJM might love Bryce but I highly doubt she's so special that she'll be the star of two different series, knocking the ACOTAR characters out of the way of the heroes and heroines of their own world.

SJM has said that these series, while crossing over in HOSAB / HOFAS will need to stand alone. Meaning ACOTAR only readers aren't going to have to know anything about the CC world in order for ACOTAR to still make sense. That means Bryce is not going to suddenly be living in Prythian, a land where she doesn't speak the language, falling in love with Az, becoming BFFs with Nesta, kicking it with the IC as her new found family, ruling over the people of Prythian who could give a shit over what blood runs through her veins considering she has not lived in their world and has not fought with them in the last however many centuries. It's all good and exciting that the power of Theia runs through her veins but there's a bit more to earning someone's loyalty than that. Can you really see the High Lords deferring to a newcomer who did nothing to save their people during Amarantha? Hybern? Not to mention it already looks like they've got another of Theia's descendants in their midst (Rhysand, through the unnamed daughter).

People are taking that sword and dagger prophecy way too literally. Just like the Suriel saying, "stay with the High Lord" didn't mean stay with Tamlin, it meant something else. Just like Ruhn's bloodline ending with him most likely does not mean he's going to die. "When sword and dagger are reunited, so too shall our people" could simply mean that because the dagger is probably what drew Bryce to Prythian, it's going to be the reason she learns about their history, how they're all connected and how she can use that information to save her world. It could mean they were the ones meant to lead her to a portal to Hel to get the help she needs. Or maybe SJM will eventually do one major battle scene down the road (Avengers Endgame style) where everyone joins in to defeat a major threat then they all return to their own worlds).

In the Discovery of Witches trilogy there's a prophecy that says something like, "the witch with the blood of the lion and the wolf will end the children of the night" and everyone figured it meant she'd end the vampire race but what actually happened was so far from that. Prophecy's in books are never what you think, the end result is always some twisted version but initially delivered in a way that gets you looking in one direction. With Bryce's prophecy, it doesn't mean that whoever holds the sword and dagger are destined to be lovers, causing them to completely forsake the rest of their lives to be together and it doesn't mean that SJM is going to take two completely different worlds in two different series and smash them together, turning Prythian into an unrecognizable place full of merpeople, seaotters, wolf shifters, angels, etc. who bring with them the knowledge of guns and drugs and cellphones and sneakers. It doesn't mean that Bryce is going to take over as the new star of the ACOTAR world and it doesn't mean they're going to take over as the new main characters of Midgard. Each series already has their FMCs and MMCs.

Bryce's loyalty is still going to be to her brother, to her friends on Midgard, to her parents, to her people there, to her chosen mate who is currently being tortured (meaning if she were to fall in love with someone else while Hunt's future is unknown it would come off as completely heartless). People need to respect that these are series that stand alone, no matter how SJM connected them, rather than trying to constantly combine them. Do you know how many Arrow and Flash crossovers / cameos there were? Yet they never merged and became "The Adventures of the Arrow and the Flash!" They remained as two different series with their own stories to tell.

It makes me LAUGH when people call Gwyn and Az a crackship yet go hard on Bryce and Az considering Bryce and Az can't even communicate, Bryce lives on an entirely different planet, is in love with someone else who she calls her mate, and Az felt something spark in his chest for Gwyn then Gwyn flirted with him.

Bryce / Az as mates is yet another example of someone showing off their knowledge of lore and mythology, pulling random excerpts from the book to support their ideas while ignoring the canon that discredits them rather than actually focusing on who SJM is as a writer.

[chenziee]

Ash

Attempt #idk-how-many to see if this finally shows up in the goddamned tags because I care about this verse and this fic okay

Once again, I bring you an offering of some extremely soft Lawlu with a dash of Law being embarrassingly in love (which really isn't any different from canon), feat. Law taking some romantic phrases and little bit too literally.

This is part 3 of the vivre card/Ashes of Life series but as usual, you absolutely don't need to have read the other two for this to make sense!

! Manga spoilers for chapters 1030 onward, mostly 1043 and 1044 ! Light angst with a happy ending and a lot of comfort :)

[ Read on AO3 | Full Series | Ko-Fi ]

—————

The Skull Dome of Onigashima was shaking, pieces of rubble and wood falling off the ceiling and walls. It was no wonder with all the fierce battles that were going on—really, in Law’s opinion it was more of a shock that the building was still standing after their fight with Kaido on the roof, the All Stars and Tobi Roppo going wild all over the place, not to mention the Straw Hats. They were probably doing more damage than all their enemies combined. Hell, Straw Hat himself came crashing through the goddamned floor only minutes earlier riding a pink fucking dragon.

How very Straw Hat-ya, Law thought to himself with some undeniable, if questionable, amusement.

“The fuck are you smiling about, Trafalgar?” Eustass asked with disgust.

Law scowled, quickly wiping the smile off his face as he looked at his tentative ally. “Speak for yourself,” Law shot back, eyeing the manic grin on Eustass’ lips. 

Seriously. 

He was surrounded by idiots.

First Straw Hat and Roronoa, now Eustass—all of them a bit too happy to pick fights with people for no reason for Law taste.

Although, Law didn’t have much room to talk.

Huffing to himself, Law stood up to his full height, leaning Kikoku’s long blade against his shoulder as he took in Big Mom’s large, threatening presence. She was staring down at them, hair aflame, sword in one hand, thunder cloud in the other. Random things brought to life were dancing at her feet, all of them laughing and taunting him and Eustass. A wide smile was plastered on her face, a smile that couldn’t be more different from the one Straw Hat always wore whenever facing a strong enemy. It was icy cold, born not of the thrill of battle but of pure bloodthirst, lacking any care for anything or anyone.

Law much preferred Straw Hat’s idiotic, excited grins even though they always gave him a headache in the end.

“You have that disgusting expression on your face again,” Eustass said with a click of his tongue.

“Fuck off, Eustass-ya. Focus on the enemy,” Law retorted but he schooled his expression back to neutral.

What was he even doing, thinking about Straw Hat while he had Big Mom raging and ready to kill right in front of him? How stupid. But somehow, he couldn’t help but feel lighter because of it. Because that’s what Luffy did, wasn’t it? Making people stop doubting themselves, giving them hope when there was none, pushing them forward when they saw no path ahead.

Even now, he was on the roof fighting Kaido after he was already defeated twice, stubbornly charging forward to show the way to all the warriors fighting inside the Skull Dome. He would beat Kaido no matter what it took, no matter how many times he got beat down—he would always bounce back like the rubbery idiot he was and finally bring dawn to Wano. And Law had no doubt that he would succeed.

Shaking his head to clear it, Law chased all these useless thoughts away. No matter how confident in their—and Luffy’s—victory he was, they were still facing two Emperors.

Really, having fought them both, he could describe them as nothing but monsters. And honestly… It was fun. And even if it meant he had to work with Eustass, he would make sure to drag Big Mom down from her perch, from the comfortable, untouchable seat of an Emperor of the Sea.

The Rocks’ era was over two years ago.

Now, it was their era to claim.

Flexing his hand, a smirk pulled on Law’s lips. How much would it take to dethrone two relics of a time long gone? How much to claim their seats?

He was sure they were going to find out soon.

“K-Room.”

He was going to bring Big Mom down right here, right now. And then he was going to watch Luffy as he tore the rest of the old world down.

—————

Gasping for breath, Law finally let himself drop to the floor, completely spent. For a moment, he wondered if he could just pass out and sleep for a week now—he deserved at least that after overusing his awakened powers and sending Big Mom who knows how far underground, right?

“Captain!!” 

He heard his crew cheer from somewhere but he didn’t bother looking in that direction; he only closed his eyes, leaning his back against the rubble as he relaxed. Now the only things that remained was cleaning out the fodder, the All Stars, and Kaido.

Law took a deep breath, focusing his Observation Haki to gauge the situation. Honestly, it was near impossible to tell what was even going on inside the Dome but he couldn’t say he cared. It was enough that he couldn’t find either King’s, Queen’s or Jack’s presence. Beside that… the only thing that mattered to him was the roof.

“Straw Hat-ya,” Law muttered, finally opening his eyes to stare at the ceiling where he could sense Luffy’s and Kaido’s Voices.

They were both much weaker than they were at the start of this night but they were still raging to go… although Law could tell Straw Hat was about as exhausted as Law himself. It wouldn’t be long for that fight to be over as well.

“Captain! Are you okay?!” Bepo asked with urgency as he fell to his knees next to Law to check him over.

Law only hummed noncommittally, barely paying attention while he focused on the Voices above. Why were there three now?

And then… there were only two again.

And a split second later… only one.

A single Voice.

And it wasn’t Luffy.

Law’s eyes widened as he shot up, ignoring his protesting body that refused to move. He needed to make sure. 

Law paid no attention to Bepo’s cry, the mink probably shocked from the speed and suddenness of his best friend’s movement, but Law just didn’t care. Not now.

“Room,” he growled, a tiny sphere appearing around his hand for a second before it flickered out of existence again. Law clicked his tongue impatiently, before trying again, "Fucking—Room.”

Finally, his power listened to him and a Room came to life, holding stable, and Law continued, turning his hand up to his chest. “Scalpel.”

“Captain, what are you doing?!” Bepo cried in alarm.

“Not now, Bepo,” Law snapped.

“Have you finally lost it, Trafalgar?” Eustass asked then, voice mocking.

“Shut up!” Law really didn’t have the patience for any of them right now. He could feel his heart being a mile per second as he took it out of his ribcage, his breathing shallow while his mind went completely blank, his vision narrowing until he could barely see anything. “Hold this,” he told Bepo absent-mindedly before he dropped his heart into Bepo’s lap.

He could hear Bepo fumbling to grab it, probably terrified something would happen to the organ with it being treated so carelessly by its owner.

Law, however, simply reached into the hole that was left in his chest, searching—searching for something that should be so easy to grab but that he simply couldn’t find. It couldn’t be gone, it simply couldn’t… Where is it? Please no no no—

Finally, his fingers touched something that didn’t belong in the crevice and Law quickly took it out, clenching it in his fist for a moment. He was scared to look at it. He could already feel it—he could feel the burn, feel the size, feel it falling apart. He didn’t want to look but there was nothing else for him, nothing to do, no way to avoid it. Fuck, he could hear it from his Voice anyway.

He was just so scared.

Taking a shaky breath, Law opened his hand to look at the piece of paper on his palm—or what was left of it.

“Did you seriously just pull a vivre card out of your fucking chest? Are you actually insane?” Eustass asked with his voice completely blank and Law could just imagine the weirded out expression he was probably wearing right then. But then, Eustass continued, “Wait. Don’t tell me that’s—”

“Straw Hat…” Bepo breathed quietly, carefully.

Law didn’t react to either of them. He only gulped heavily, watching as the tiny, oh so tiny piece of paper moved weakly across his palm, getting smaller with every second as the edges burned more and more. There was barely anything left. Barely enough to hang onto any hope.

“What are you doing?” Law growled, but he could barely hear himself. There was a hum in his ears, a white noise that didn’t mean anything, didn’t serve any purpose but to drive him even more mad.

He refused to believe this.

The paper had to be lying.

There was simply no way, no way that Luffy lost.

No way that his life was about to disappear, leaving behind nothing but a few specks of ash.

He had to do something. He blindly reached his free hand, searching for Kikoku, getting ready to get up but his legs weren’t listening to him. He didn’t have any strength left to even move, much less fight.

And then… it was too late anyway.

“No—” Law could barely let out before the last bits of paper scattered into the air, leaving behind nothing more than the ghost of the feeling of burning embers on his palm.

For a moment, it was like time had stopped. Law couldn’t breathe, couldn’t hear, couldn’t feel anything. He only sat there motionlessly while Bepo panicked beside him, Eustass cursing somewhere so very far away. And still, the only thing running through his mind was no, this can’t be happening.

What kind of sick joke was this?

They had come so far; they brought all these people together, they pulled off this raid, they beat all the strongest enemies… The only one left was Kaido and up until this very moment, Law had no doubt he would witness yet another miracle of Straw Hat’s own making.

He never even considered this possibility. If he had known, he would have never—

He shouldn’t have left the roof.

He should have helped.

He should have been there.

But he didn’t and he wasn’t and now he was here; alone. Left with nothing but a hole in his chest and a few pieces of dust on his skin that were just a reminder of what used to be a solid chunk of paper—one full of life which was stronger than any other, with determination to pull through anything and still burn brightly like the sun.

So why? Why did this happen?

Law barely flinched when the ceiling came crashing down and Kaido’s booming voice demanded Momonosuke’s head, declaring Luffy’s death in the same breath.

It wasn’t a surprise to him, after all. It didn’t fucking matter what Kaido said at this point.

“It was a short-lived dream…” Eustass muttered.

“Suppose it’s the cold, hard reality. We have nothing left,” Law replied, voice completely void of emotion. He still couldn’t tear his eyes away from charred, black remains of Luffy’s life-force still clinging to his skin.

“Fuck this. I’m going to fight, Trafalgar. I’m not surrendering just like that,” Eustass announced, slowly getting to his feet even though his movements were sluggish and wobbly.

And Law knew—he knew that was the right thing to do. He, too, was going to fight. This was no time to sit here and be completely useless…

But before he could so much as look up, something stopped him. “What the—”

Completely frozen, Law could only watch with wide eyes as specks of dust and ash gathered in his palm, swirling in place as if guided by a non-existent gust of wind. It took Law a long moment to realise what was happening; and how could he? It was ridiculous, completely unheard of, and if Law didn’t see it happening in real time, he would never have believed it.

But there it was, the very same vivre card that had burned down to nothing a mere minute ago, back in one piece as if nothing happened and only growing bigger each second.

The wave of powerful haki that followed seemed almost redundant then. And when the deafening beat of a drum started echoing in his mind, Law had no doubt what was happening anymore. Or well, he still had absolutely no idea what was even going on but he did know the most important thing.

“Fucking idiot,” Law sighed as his fingers curled into a fist around the full-sized, alive vivre card, clutching it close.

“What’s going on? What’s this sound?!” Bepo asked, paws on his ears as he looked around with confusion.

“Just Straw Hat-ya doing something ridiculous. Again. Don’t worry about it, he’s really going to finish it now.” Law let go of a tired breath, finally allowing himself to relax again. He felt so exhausted… As if the fight with Big Mom wasn’t enough, Straw Hat just had to go and make it worse.

He was going to have a word with this idiot when this was all over.

“Uhm, captain?”

Cracking one eye open, Law glanced at Bepo, humming questioningly.

Bepo fumbled for a moment, looking like he was trying to pick something up while absolutely terrified to touch it. Only when he managed to raise his paws up, did Law realise why. “Sorry. What—what about your heart?”

“Shit I completely forgot,” Law groaned, forcing himself to sit up again before he reached over to grab the organ from Bepo’s awkward hold to put it back in place. “Thanks.”

“Freak,” someone noted.

“Fuck off, Eustass-ya.”

—————

Whatever Law had expected to happen when Straw Hat had come back, it sure as hell wasn’t that. He still wasn’t sure what did actually happen but watching Luffy, with his hair and clothes pure white, jump and run around, change sizes however he wished, bend the very laws of nature to his own will, and laugh like a maniac the whole time… It was both completely surreal and perfectly Straw Hat at the same time.

And watching him now, having fun during the celebratory festival as if nothing happened…

Law just felt so tired.

“Captain? Are you okay?” Penguin asked when Law got up from the ground where he and his crew had been drinking at the sidelines of the heart of the festival.

No, Law's mind immediately supplied but he bit his tongue, refusing to let the word slip out.

“I need a break,” Law said without elaborating.

Penguin looked like he was about to press him but when their eyes met, he deflated and nodded, making Law sigh in relief. He really didn’t feel like explaining the frustration he felt right then—not to his crew, not to his friends, not to anyone. He was sure Penguin, Shachi and Bepo could understand what was on his mind either way, after all the time they’ve known each other. 

Without another word, Law turned around and left, leaving the noise and energy of the festival behind. He didn’t even know where he was heading, he simply knew he needed to get away; get somewhere where he could breathe, where he didn’t have to put up a facade of being alright.

Because he wasn’t alright. Not after Onigashima; the fight with Kaido, Big Mom, and everything after… It was too much. And with everyone celebrating and all the stress falling away, it was getting impossible to hide.

He really didn’t want to see anyone but of course, it couldn’t be that easy.

“Torao!! Finally found you!”

Heaving a deep sigh, Law stopped in his tracks, rubbing at his forehead. He already felt a headache coming; he wasn’t ready for this conversation but he knew there would be no point in trying to run away from this stubborn idiot. He always had a way to find Law wherever he would try to hide.

“Straw Hat-ya. What is it?” he asked when the other captain stopped next to him, out breath but with a wide smile plastered on his face and Law hated how his heart skipped a beat at the sight.

“I just wanted to see you! Your friends said you went on a walk so I thought I’d join you!” he announced proudly.

Law didn’t respond, he only turned away and started walking again. 

“Oi, Torao. Wait for me,” Straw Hat said, obviously taken aback by Law’s lack of communication.

“Then keep up,” Law shot back. He wasn’t even sure why he was being so short with him but he was just so annoyed.

They walked in silence for a moment and Law could feel Straw Hat’s gaze on the side of his head the entire time. He wanted to snap at him to stop staring, to just go away but somehow… he didn’t even care anymore.

He wasn’t surprised when Straw Hat finally spoke up, probably unable to bear the silence anymore, “Torao. What’s wrong?”

Law closed his eyes momentarily, praying for patience. He couldn’t say anyone was listening to him, however, and he felt his blood-pressure raising as he gritted his teeth. “Take a fucking guess,” he hissed.

Straw Hat tilted his head to the side, his eyebrows scrunching up into an adorable frown—one that only made Law even more annoyed. “I won’t know unless you talk to me, Torao…”

“Fine! You want to know what’s wrong? You’re what’s wrong!” Law finally snapped, running his hands through his hair in frustration, knocking his hat off in the process but he didn’t even care. “What the fuck were you thinking? You just let Kaido push you to that point without asking for help and without anyone even fucking knowing! And then what happened?!”

“Tora—” Straw Hat started before stopping himself. He quietly watched Law as he started pacing back and forth and continued ranting.

“Actually, I don’t even want to know what was running through that empty goddamned head of yours. Probably fucking nothing because you never think. You never stop to plan anything, never even wonder what might happen! Did the fact you already lost once and ended up in a fucking labour camp mean nothing? Why are you always so fucking reckless—”

“Law!” Straw Hat finally called before he grabbed Law’s arm, forcing him to stop in his tracks. “Law, look at me.”

“Fuck off, Straw Hat-ya. Let me go!” Law growled, trying to pry his arm out of Luffy’s vice grip without much success.

“No! Law, please. Look at me. We won. We’re both fine, all of us are fine. Nothing—”

“Don’t you dare say nothing happened!” Law interrupted as he finally yanked his arm free to instead point at Luffy’s chest, poking him hard just above his heart with every word that followed, “You. Fucking. Died.”

Silence followed his final statement. Luffy simply looked at him in silence, those large, honest eyes seemingly peering right into Law’s soul and taking him apart to the last atom while Law only stood there, glaring back at him as he panted lightly, out of breath after his tirade. He didn’t even care if he sounded pathetic and childish; he was just so angry. Angry and frustrated and tired and so scared.

It took a full minute before either of them moved but finally, Straw Hat opened his mouth, speaking quietly, “But I didn’t die, Law. I’m here now.”

Law clicked his tongue. “Luffy, you fucking died. Your vivre card burned to nothing in my fucking hand and I could do fuck all about it.”

And that was the entire heart of the matter, wasn’t it? That Law didn’t know until it was too late, that he couldn’t do anything about it, that he was completely and utterly helpless. Helpless in supporting him, helpless in protecting him, helpless in bringing him back.

It was only thanks to luck, the absolute ridiculousness of the Gum Gum Fruit, and Straw Hat’s endless willpower that he was even standing in front of Law right now. Law couldn’t do anything to support the love of his miserable fucking life when he most needed it.

He knew Luffy wouldn’t have wanted his help in the first place. He knew the best thing he could have done in that situation was to take care of Big Mom. He knew.

And yet…

“I’m sorry,” Luffy said finally, voice serious.

Law sighed heavily. “No, you’re not.”

“Well, I mean—” Straw Hat folded his hands behind his head, a small pout appearing on his lips— “I’m not sorry about picking a fight with Kaido, he deserved it!”

“See?” Law groaned while rubbing the bridge of his nose. Why was this idiot so—

“But I am sorry I scared you. Really.”

As soon as Law heard those words, it was like all energy drained from him and his shoulders sagged. He didn’t even care anymore; he just wanted to sleep and not have to think about any of this. Why was he even so angry in the first place? It was all done and over already. No what-ifs or alternatives could change what really happened and Luffy was right—they were okay now and everything worked out.

So what did it matter?

Clicking his tongue, Law turned away. He wanted to pick up his forgotten hat and just leave but before he could so much as lean down, Luffy’s fingers closed around his wrist, stopping him. He looked at him questioningly but before he could so much as say anything, Luffy shook his head, tugged at Law’s hand gently… and smiled.

“Come here,” he said quietly, opening his arms in invitation.

Law scowled, not moving a muscle but he didn’t protest when Luffy took a step closer, his arms snaking behind Law’s back and pulling him into a hug. It still took him a moment but soon, it became impossible to fight the warmth and security of Luffy’s embrace and he let himself relax, sinking into the feeling.

Letting go of a shaky breath, Law buried his face into the crook of Luffy’s neck, his arms coming to wrap around Luffy’s waist, pulling him closer. Suddenly, Law realised this was the first time he had touched Luffy since before the battle of Onigashima—really, when was the last time? Probably in the Amigasa village the morning before the raid, when they had exchanged a quick kiss before they each went their own way, to their own crews and their own ships.

After the battle, Luffy was unconscious for days and being cared for by Tony; there was no reason for Law to hang around. He really only got to see him earlier today once the festival started but Luffy being Luffy, he barely said hi to Law before he ran off to raid every stall he could get to.

Maybe… all Law needed was to feel his warmth, touch his skin, smell his hair—make sure he was real, solid, breathing.

That he was alive.

“I’m not going anywhere, Torao,” Luffy mumbled quietly as he slowly ran his fingers through Law’s hair.

“Back to stupid nicknames, are we?” Law asked instead of acknowledging his words.

Straw Hat snickered. “You love it!”

“Fuck off, Straw Hat-ya,” Law sighed.

At that, Luffy only laughed harder. “I love you, Torao.”

Law clicked his tongue, his fingers curling into the fabric of Luffy’s yukata. “Shut up.”

“No. I love you!” he sang, his voice shaking in amusement.

“Fine!” Law snapped. “I love you too. Happy?”

“Yep!” Straw Hat announced proudly and Law could just picture the impossibly bright, blinding smile that was undoubtedly plastered on his face. “Now I just need some of the meat Sanji was cooking before I left to chase you…”

Law groaned. And here he thought they were having a moment… “I take it back. I fucking hate you.”

“What?! But I was going to share with you!”

“I don’t want any,” Law said and despite himself, a smile pulled on his lips.

“But it looked so tasty,” Straw Hat whined.

With an amused huff, Law finally pulled away from Luffy, taking in the adorable pout that was adorning his lips. He didn’t resist the temptation to kiss it away.

But, even after they separated, the unhappy expression stayed in Luffy’s face and Law chuckled, shaking his head at the sight. “You can have the meat, I don’t care.”

Immediately, Luffy’s face split into that blinding grin that made Law fall in love in the first place and he cheered, grabbing Law’s hand to drag him back towards the festival. Law barely had the time to grab his hat off the ground before Luffy’s rubbery pull gave him no choice but to follow.

It was hours later—hours during which he was forced to literally wrestle a laughing Luffy away from the food stalls and their desperately crying owners, only to instead end up goaded into playing many of the available games with Luffy, the Straw Hats, his own crew, Kaido’s son, and Eustass of all people—that Law realised the weight he had been carrying around for days had lifted.

And he wasn’t tired anymore.

[soul-of-the-sanada]

Memories of Christmas - Sariel Noir - Chapter 2

Sariel's Christmas event story, in his POV.

Chapter 2 Part 1

—

I stepped forward again, truly intending to leave her to it this time. However…

MC: Sariel, wait!

Sariel: Yes?

I turned back. She opened her mouth to say something, but then shook her head and laughed it off.

MC: No, just… Don’t push yourself too hard.

Sariel: I won’t.

(I get the sense she swallowed her initial words…)

I didn’t have to wait long to discover what those words were.

…

The next morning, MC had already visited my office with the question already on her lips.

MC: Isn’t there anything I can do to help you?

(I see–that must be what she tried to ask me last night.)

She’d said she was on the way to Chevalier’s room yesterday.

I had no doubt that the prince was able to discern exactly what she’d been thinking.

(He never cares to do anything that’s not strictly necessary, but…)

It was possible that he had graced her with his advice in return for finding the rare book he’d requested.

(In which case…)

Sariel: You’re already plenty busy with your job and your usual lessons, no?

MC: Like I said, it looks like we’ll be able to finish up early at the bookstore. Also…

She met my gaze, unyielding.

MC: Could you test me during our lesson today?

Chapter 2 Part 2

—

MC: Could you test me during our lesson today?

(...A-ha.)

(There have been plenty of occasions where she has dutifully worked on her studies before coming to our lessons, but…)

On this occasion, it was highly possible that she had crammed her knowledge with a view to strike a deal with me.

MC: If I pass the test, I’d like you to offload some of your work onto me.

(There it is.)

She was well aware that I would not permit her assistance under normal circumstances.

I suspected the reason she stopped herself from asking last night was because she was yet to calculate what it would take to convince me.

(Either she gleaned something from her conversation with Prince Chevalier, or she spent all night coming up with a plan.)

(That’s why she came here first thing to make me agree to her terms.)

Faced with her steely, resolute gaze, all I could do was give a deep sigh.

(Goodness me… Your rate of improvement is nothing short of spectacular.)

Sariel: Very well. However, as I’m sure you’re aware, I will not be lenient or go easy on you.

MC: Of course. I understand.

…

In order to deal with the ceaseless myriad of problems that continued to arise, I rushed about the palace giving out instructions.

Just as I was catching my breath after attending to a series of issues, I heard voices chatting brightly just past the end of the corridor.

(I can hear MC… and her faithful pet.)

Staying in the shadow of the door, I stealthily peeked into the room.

MC: It’d probably look better if you decorated the right hand side a little more.

Rio: Somewhere around here?

MC: Yup, perfect.

I looked in to see a superbly decorated room, along with the two individuals who completed it.

(I merely asked for the rooms open to guests to be decorated, but…)

This was MC we were talking about. She must have anticipated the fact that the princes would spend time here when choosing to decorate the room.

MC: Thanks, Rio! When you step back and look at it from afar, the decorations make a really pretty picture.

Panic rose within me as she took a step back only to catch her foot on the furniture, her gaze focused on the ceiling.

MC: Whoa!

Rio: MC!

She lost her balance and I leapt forward, just managing to catch her before she truly fell.

Sariel: I’m glad to see you absorbed in your work, but please don’t get too carried away.

MC: Oh, Sariel… Thank you.

I slowly reached for her cheek…

Chapter 2 Part 3

—

Panic rose within me as she took a step back only to catch her foot on the furniture, her gaze focused on the ceiling.

MC: Whoa!

Rio: MC!

She lost her balance and I leapt forward, just managing to catch her before she truly fell.

Sariel: I’m glad to see you absorbed in your work, but please don’t get too carried away.

MC: Oh, Sariel… Thank you.

I slowly reached up to stroke a thumb over her cheekbone.

Sariel: You were preoccupied with your studies rather than sleeping last night, weren’t you?

MC: I know. I did weigh up the positives and negatives, though.

MC: Sorry for making you worry, but I have to disagree with you on one thing. Getting carried away is what I’m good at, so I won’t stop.

(She’ll be the death of me.)

Her dedication was clearer than anything. I smiled.

In the end, MC passed my test with flying colors, and she earned the right to assist in the devil’s work.

As such, I entrusted the preparations for the ball on Christmas day entirely to her.

Although the usual preparations were nothing to be worried about, the scale of the ball held at the palace was huge.

Accordingly, the number of leading figures and foreign visitors among the guests was sizable.

(Moreover…)

Various parties and gatherings took place during the holiday season, and each of them were host to a wealth of conversation.

Some of it was politics-related, and some was no more than gossip, but…

(The quality of the ball itself is often a hot topic of conversation.)

The guests were extremely attentive to how much time had gone into the ball preparations, and how much effort had been put in to create a pleasant atmosphere.

(Usually, planning the event is my one worry when there’s a ball coming up, but…)

It appears I needn’t worry about it anymore.

I parted ways with MC and Rio, then walked down the corridor again.

(MC is extremely sharp-sighted, and it was almost a given that her faithful pet would assist.)

In addition, I had already arranged for the other princes to be consulted in regards to the planning.

(Now…)

…

Sariel: Thank you very much for divulging the information.

Cyran: It was a pleasure. We’re the ones who get forced to clean up his mess, after all.

The hellcat’s right-hand man brought me news of the ‘entertainment’ being planned for this Christmas by his master.

(To think he’s planning to release a swarm of clockwork mice… How terrible.)

(Why can’t he utilize his talents in more… USEFUL areas?)

(That man is a terror and a menace, through and through.)

Just as I was devising a way to burn his foolish inventions, another troublesome matter presented itself to me.

(The final matter I must attend to may be the one that weighs on me most of all…)

Chapter 2 Part 4

—

(The final matter I must attend to may be the one that weighs on me most of all…)

The source of my sorrow was not to do with anything inside the palace.

…

(Ah.)

The snow had stopped and sunlight filtered into the ballroom, making the rose-decorated tree in the middle seem to glow.

(It’s beautiful.)

The tree was positioned at every Christmas ball the palace held, and I had never looked at it in an appreciative light before.

(It just goes to show how much of a difference MC’s detailed, complementary decoration choices make.)

(Either that, or merely knowing that she was the one who poured her soul into decorating it softens my heart.)

What began as a sigh of admiration for her work turned into a deep, somber huff as the final challenge of the day loomed over me.

It concerned a letter of invitation I had received.

The party was being held in a territory a distance from Rhodolite, and it would run from the day before Christmas until Christmas Day itself.

It would be a wise decision for the king’s regent to attend.

(However, I have plenty of things keeping me far too busy here. The ball is one thing, but I’m certain more ‘fun’ lies in wait.)

(In all honesty, I’m extremely hesitant to let the palace be without my supervision.)

In an effort to somehow avoid attending, I recently put myself through a whole day of travel to visit the outlying territory in question.

However, my predictions missed the mark. I was unable to secure an exemption from attending the party.

(And the most bothersome part of it all…)

…was the requirement to bring a plus-one.

(It is almost certain that if I mention it to MC, she will immediately put herself forward. Alas…)

Chapter 2 Part 5

—

(It is almost certain that if I mention it to MC, she will immediately put herself forward. Alas…)

What happened the last time MC left the palace flashed before my eyes…

-flashback-

Servant: This bouquet of flowers addressed to MC arrived, but…

Rio: Oh no…

Sariel: I see they’ve been laced with poison.

-end flashback-

(Not to mention, she is but a temporary resident in the palace with all things considered.)

It was not hard to imagine how tongues would wag if she were to accompany a devil such as I to a party.

(Although, I remember what she said…)

-flashback-

MC: I really don’t think you’re the devil you make yourself out to be.

-end flashback-

(Despite what she said…)

(She’s wrong. I am a devil.)

The very planes on which she and I exist are different.

(Some may call my hesitancy being overprotective, but…)

(People can say what they like.)

(The last time I want is for something to be… sacrificed.)

(If a sacrifice is to be made, then… I would rather–)

Footsteps echoed through the ballroom, and I lifted my gaze to greet the person whose presence I had already discerned without looking.

I could recognize her by that presence alone; it was different to anyone else I had ever met. It was special.

MC: Sariel! Just the person I was looking for.

MC: Could I possibly accompany you to that party?

°•*⁀➷Masterlist

[seventeenlovesthree]

I agree! I believe it's all a matter of perspective here - stageplay!Taichi is in a lot of distress and may look at the past with rose-tinted nostalgia goggles. Under normal circumstances, he may have looked at it with a lot more nuance - because the whole point of Adventure and 02 was showing how he eventually did become more considerate.

Obviously, young!Taichi did do a lot of things that can be considered hotheaded, stubborn, reckless or ignorant, he was by no means "perfect" - like you said, he was only 11 years old for the most part. This becomes especially apparent when you take File Island arc and isolate it from the rest of Adventure - because at this point of production, Hikari wasn't really part of the planning yet (and thus also not part of Taichi's arc) and his entire character was mostly condensed to "action hero protagonist running headfirst into trouble, because somebody HAS to". There wasn't an arc here yet, he was just there to be THAT part of the squad. (And he usually also does act stupid for "plot" reasons.)

When you then add the Etemon arc and everything beyond that, his development becomes a lot more distinct and is a vital part of the ongoing series.

Due to him rushing Agumon to evolve, pushing him with inappropriate, aggressive measures (partly out of a twisted sense of responsibility for the sake of the group, partly because he still hasn't learned to take others into consideration), it causes the dark evolution to SkullGreymon. *cough* Death symbolism, part 1. *cough*

Startled by this experience, he becomes more reluctant and scared of acting for a while - until a dream sequence of his younger self shows him that giving up is never an option.

Still, he hasn't fully grasped the idea that his actions may have consequences if he's not careful - hence why him acting recklessly almost gets himself killed when he wants to walk through the electrical fence. However, his hesitation is the reason why Sora gets captured and he blames himself for that. *cough* Death symbolism, part 2. *cough* It's the first glimpse of him getting that he shouldn't do things JUST by himself and that there is a difference between recklessly pushing forward and courageously facing your fears. Thus, the real Perfect level evolution can happen and MetalGreymon saves the day.

Vamdemon's arc is mainly about him actually acting like a leader who values the strengths of those around him better - up until the point when they return to the Digital World together with Hikari. (This becomes more clear when you also take the novel's narration into account, even if it displays Taichi's doubts a bit differently.)

Here we have two different angles: Angle one is him getting into the fight with Yamato, because he himself doesn't want to see anybody else die, but Yamato tells him to BE CONSIDERATE of how everyone else feels about it. Taichi ends up ready to sort his issues out with Yamato - who in turn, is not ready to do that yet, which is why he leaves Taichi behind, contemplating his own attitude.

Angle two is him getting stressed due to feeling guilty and overprotective of Hikari - which causes him to get loud, emotional and even a little aggressive once things don't go as planned. He doesn't want her to die because of him, as she almost did before due to him having been an inconsiderate kid... *cough* Death symbolism, part 3. *cough* And even though he slides into self-sacrificing tendencies at this point a lot (and will continue to do so, in the stageplay as well), he knows he needs to think things through more and also uses strategic measures to move forward in order not to cause unnecessary sacrifices.

Long story short, I think you can spot a pattern here - Taichi does something reckless, then has to come to terms with the consequences, may become reluctant and regretful, even depressed for a while, before he can get out of it stronger and wiser than before. And I thiiiiiink that's what the stageplay may have tried to hint at too: That young!Taichi was eventually always able to DO something, even if he had to make mistakes to get there first. And his 17-year-old self doesn't really feel capable of moving forward at all, hence why he idealizes his past self. Though he may have overlooked the steps he had to take back then to get there and now he is overthinking TOO MUCH, without being able to act... Plus, the stageplay also elaborates on how everyone thinks he is acting weird. That he is pushing himself, not able to cut himself some slack and so he is merely "playing the role of his former self", who, in his memory, was the courageous leader he thinks he ALWAYS needs to be.

Tldr; Taichi has lost sight of himself and still has to figure himself out (for years and years to come).

I recently saw a post on here about the Digimon stage play where tri. age Tai says he idolizes his younger self. His ability to take action without hesitation is something he misses.

But there's also stuff like this-

Early Adventure Tai did a lot of stupid shit. Some of it still makes me laugh. Some of it- like the Gabumon example- makes me cringe. Some of it was downright mean-spirited, but always in a childlike manner. I don't think he understood what he was doing to Gabumon due to his age.

I feel like older!Tai might purposely choose to ignore these moments when thinking of his childhood self. SkullGreymon is hard to forget. But stuff like this? Stealing and whacking Izzy's computer? Sneaking food when the others were discussing divvying it up? No, he doesn't see it. He doesn't want to see it. He's molded the boy who saved two worlds into an idol.

Hilariously, kiddie!me did the same thing.

[mionemymind]

Chapter 3: The Harsh Treatment

Fake Memories

Series Summary: After Y/n is caught cheating on Wanda with Carol, Y/n would do just about anything to get Wanda back into her life. But was it even Y/n’s fault that she cheated? Or was it the new enemy set on revenge?

Chapter Summary: What will happen to Y/n as the team pushes her past her limits? 

A/n: I lied, I decided to be nice and post it now. Honestly, the amount of support that I’m receiving from this fanfic has literally made me smile so much. I really love all of you who read and/or comment. You mean the world to me. Let me know what you think. :) (Not my GIF)

Warnings: Starvation, harmful thoughts, curse words, self-doubt, mentions of blood, injuries, angst

Word Count: 5k

Masterlist

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 |

Y/n abruptly woke up at the feeling of pressurized gas coursing through her body. She quickly sat up, unable to see anything in the white fog. The cold feeling only lasted a couple seconds before F.R.I.D.A.Y stated, “Fire has been contained.” Y/n hugged herself for warmth as she waited for the fog to disappear. This was the 13th time this month that she was woken up with pressurized gas. At first, it was foam but someone in maintenance had changed the system after the 5th time she woke up. 

Y/n looked at her surroundings and sighed at the damages to her sheets. There were burn marks along with small amounts of frostbite from the gas. “At this rate, I won’t have money for food.” With a grim face, Y/n got up from her bed and proceeded with taking everything off her bed, a routine she unfortunately started to learn. 

Y/n didn’t know when things got worse. If she had to guess, maybe it was after the whole fiasco with Wanda. The team had been on edge ever since then. “They probably thought I hurt her,” Y/n thought at the time, but it was far from the truth. She had wanted to explain herself to the team but dismissed those thoughts with, “What’s the point in trying? I’ll always be guilty to them.” 

As for Wanda, the still heartbroken girl didn’t dare to speak to the team about that night. Even she didn’t quite know what happened. Since that night, she only lied to herself stating that maybe Y/n had done something. It would probably remove the guilt she had when she thought of the blood running down Y/n’s face. But even the lie couldn’t repress the truth from her thoughts. 

After she collected her bedding, she threw it away in the trash can along with the other damaged beddings. Y/n grabbed her wallet off her night stand and opened it. She couldn’t feel it, but her heart dropped at the sight of the lack of money she had. Only a $20 dollar bill as well as a couple ones were left. She closed her eyes and tried her best to keep herself calm, to try and act like the world wasn’t closing in on her. It was a couple minutes later when she opened her eyes and looked at her wallet again. “This was supposed to last me for the rest of the month.” Y/n rubbed her forehead, feeling the overwhelming stress from her lack of funds. 

One might ask, “Aren’t you an Avenger? Shouldn’t you make a shit ton of money.” And at one point, Y/n would say yes, she did. But it all came back to that night. A week after, she had overheard a conversation that went…

“I just don’t understand why you’re doing this to her.” Y/n was about to go around the corner, but decided to wait at the sound of Steve’s voice. “It’s simple Rodgers - unless I have to remind you why we needed to redo the glass in the conference room.” Steve sighed at Tony’s simple minded actions. Y/n could practically feel him crossing his arms in a disapproving manner. 

“Well she did work fair and hard for her money Tony - this just feels wrong.” Y/n heard a couple clicks before Tony replied with, “This is for Wanda. Anything to get Y/n out of here by her own means is worth it. If you have a problem with this, you must not care as much for Wanda as I thought.” Steve sighed again seeing as he was morally put in an awkward position. It was either care for Y/n or care for Wanda. “That’s what I thought.” Tony left with a smug look on his face as he clicked more on the screen in front of him. 

It didn’t take long for Y/n to see the effects of Tony’s decision. Her pay day was the following day and the overwhelming sense of panic and anxiety rose up within her as she only had $400 to survive until the next pay day, which was a month later. Since then, her food portions have been small to say the least. Y/n learned that she only had enough money for the month to eat at least once a day and even that was cutting it. The dramatic changes to her diet had slowly affected her powers but it recently had an exponential increase. 

This was her fourth month of hardly eating when her powers started to flare at night. It has gotten to the point that Y/n couldn’t control them in her sleep leading to F.R.I.D.A.Y having to deal with her fireside. But her powers weren’t the only thing that has changed. If anyone were to actually look, they would see that Y/n had gotten skinnier. Her literal glow was getting duller and duller the more time passed.  

However, Y/n refused to feel sorry for herself. The sentence “I deserve this” was burned into her head. The brain tricks she puts herself through even allowed her to convince that Tony's decision was right. That Wanda didn’t need to tell the truth to the team. That Steve didn’t need to defend her. And that the team certainly was allowed to make her feel like nothing. Because to Y/n, if she didn’t deserve this, then why would you possibly treat a person like this? Just why? 

Of course, Wanda didn’t notice these changes at all. The girl was trying her best to avoid Y/n as much as possible. She always had exit strategies in place in case she were to be in the same vicinity as Y/n. However, Wanda also didn’t notice that lack of Y/n’s presence. Much to her dismay, Y/n’s efforts were the reason they didn’t see each other much. 

What Wanda did notice though was the slow and gradual decline of snacks in her cubby. It left her to question whether Natasha was done doing these small favors for her. But her reports were still getting done. 

The red head didn’t have much room to think though as she got slammed down on the mat from the other red head. “Take a ten - you’re distracted and we can’t keep going like this.” Wanda grumbled at another failed attempt to flip Natasha over. Hand to hand combat was one of the few subjects that Wanda hated the most. With the help of Natasha, Wanda got up and walked over to the waters on the other side of the room. She was gulping down the remaining when Natasha’s words caught her off guard. “What happened?” 

Wanda cocked an eyebrow while still drinking her bottle, needing more elaboration. Natasha faced Wanda while hundreds of thoughts racked her mind. Luckily for her, Wanda had trained her on how to make them quiet enough that Wanda wouldn’t be able to hear. When Natasha found the right words, she said, “I am not doubting you. I am doubting her…” Wanda closed the bottle and looked around the room to avoid Natasha’s eyes. This had been the first time that anyone from the team had remotely even asked her about that night. To be frank, she hadn’t expected Natasha to be the one to break the ice. Usually it was Steve that would act like the team’s counselor. Guess things change. 

Wanda sighed and recollected her memory for the night that continued to haunt her. “One minute, I left to get a drink from the bar. - she said that she needed to go to the bathroom. The next minute, I come back to see her all over blondie.” Wanda’s grip on the bottle tightened at the words she was going to say next. “I thought it was a mistake - that she could have been too drunk that night - b-but her thoughts were so - loud.” Wanda slammed her fist at the table in front of her, tears already falling down her cheeks. “A-a-and I saw everything-” 

The broken hearted girl didn’t have much energy left in her to continue. She dropped to her knees and sobbed into her hands. Natasha kneeled beside Wanda. She pulled the poor girl into her arms, trying her best to physically comfort her. But nothing could really make Wanda feel better. What could you say to a girl that saw every moment where her girlfriend has cheated on her? Nothing - you say nothing. 

“It’s quite pathetic actually,” Tony said as he spun the rod, causing his player to score in foosball. He was currently versing Steve as the two decided to quietly speak about Y/n’s actions for the past couple weeks. Going on the defense again, Steve shot back but Tony was quick to block. “She’s probably just trying to get her money back.” Steve huffed from the sudden slap shot as well as Tony’s rude words. 

For the past couple weeks, Y/n had gone from trying to win Wanda back to trying to win the whole team back. The first thing they noticed was all the completed mission reports and the continuation of it. Clint was the first to jokingly comment, “Bruce must really love mission reports.” But the genius bore a confused look before replying with, “It wasn’t me. Even I haven’t had anything to do in my stack for a couple days.” Bruce had a displeasured look on his face. Clint just assumed it was either he wanted to do his stack of reports or the comment was actually true...or maybe both. 

When it was time for the meeting, Clint had asked everyone in the room, minus Y/n, on who was completing the mission reports for everyone. “Well, I’m doing Wanda’s and mine,” Natasha claimed as she sat in her usual spot. No one was able to detect her lie, but then again, Natasha was always good at lying. 

Clint was quick to figure out that the only person remaining must have been the person responsible. With a straight forward voice, he explained to the team that Y/n had been completing everyones, besides Wanda’s and Natasha’s, reports. Still, Natasha sat there, copying the confused looks on everyone’s faces. She didn’t care to tell them the truth, it wasn’t worth it. However, the meeting proceeded with little comment on Y/n’s actions. She wasn’t worth the mention. 

“What if she actually is trying to say sorry to us?” Steve couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty for Y/n, but Tony’s words made the guilt go all away. “Oh - so miss Hydra over here actually wants to apologize - hilarious Steve.” With that, Tony quickly spun the rod and scored the final point, making him win the game. What the two failed to realize was the fact that Y/n had overheard their conversation. She no longer felt hungry for the day and had retreated back to her room, feeling overwhelmingly numb from the confession she heard.

It was a new and different day for Wanda. She had managed to want to try and sit in the common room with her team seeing as sitting in her room no longer gave her the same satisfaction anymore. Scrolling through the tv, she was about to pull up Bewitched when the following words appeared on the screen:

Bewitched is longer provided on Netflix. Please see related tv shows. 

“What do you mean it’s no longer available?” Wanda frustratedly questioned. And here she was trying to have a good day. “Sorry kid, I guess Netflix took it off their streaming service,” Clint said as he leaned over the couch. “No why would they do that?!” Wanda said with an exasperated look. Clint simply shrugged, Netflix did have an awful reputation for getting favorites removed or canceled. “No clue, but you could try other shows.” Wanda crossed her arms and huffed at his suggestion. “I was really feeling Bewitched today.” Ruffling her hair, Clint left after saying, “Try to feel for something else.” 

However, Wanda had failed to feel anything but angry for the remaining of the day. It wasn’t until she sat in her room for the night, aimlessly finding shows in her room when she noticed Bewitched on her home screen. She quickly clicked on it noticing that all eight seasons are there for her own viewing. Her mood immensely increased for the night as she fell asleep in the middle of season two. 

Outside of her room, Y/n had been cleaning up the compound for the night. It was getting harder and harder to clean the kitchen when everything in her wanted to just take a couple of snacks for herself. Her hunger was constantly on her mind as well as the stupid flashes that have sporadically appeared more and more everyday. But she wanted more than anything to prove to the team that she is a good person. Stealing, no matter how minor, was probably the last thing she needed to be labeled as. 

When she completed for the night, she returned to her room but paused outside of her door when she heard the Bewitched theme song loudly play in Wanda’s room. A small smile appeared on her face as she walked back into her room and slept on the floor tonight.

“Did it ever occur to you that I love you - like a lot?” The couple were laying in Carol’s room decorated with punk rock posters and pictures of their team. Small plants were placed around the room while Malcolm in the Middle was used as background noise. 

“Nah. I haven’t heard you say it in approximately - 10 minutes?” Carol laughed as Y/n glanced at her watch. They laid on their sides as they faced each other, their faces being only inches away. “Well I do.” Carol cupped Y/n’s cheek as she soon grew mesmerized. 

There are words to always describe feelings with someone but they all felt overused or incomplete. Because everything felt like this daydream colored borders with warm tones and retro filters as she glanced at Y/n. She felt like she was watching a show that she would never get tired of. Even if the show was in color or black and white, new or old, slow or fast, she would watch just to see her. Just her. 

“You do what?” Carol flicked Y/n’s forehead at her response. “Kidding - kidding.” Y/n said as she rubbed her forehead. Carol rolled her eyes and kissed Y/n’s head as she cuddled into her arms, legs tangled within the sheets. “I do love you.” Y/n kissed her hair as she combed it with her hand. “I know,” she whispered, hoping Carol would pick up on the secret reference. Because to Y/n, yeah, she’s worth a whole galaxy. 

It was the middle of the night when Steve woke up from a nightmare that shook him from his slumber. Rather than staying in bed to force himself to sleep, he got up and headed to the kitchen for a late night snack. 

Heading into the pantry, Steve pursed his lips noticing that Y/n’s cubby had been empty for weeks it seems like. The guilt that was slowly forming inside him kept building and building. Although he knew he could try to do something about it, the loyalty he had to his family - to Wanda. That was something he didn’t want to break. 

The relationship with Wanda and Steve was something similar to a father and daughter relationship. Steve had always wanted a kid of his own and Wanda had lost her father. The irony of it all just happened to work for the two. Even though Wanda nor Steve would admit it out loud, they viewed each other as the roles that needed to be filled in their lives. They needed each other regardless of titles.

But then there was Y/n. The troubled girl that made Steve absolutely nervous with how quick her and Wanda seemed to like each other. It absolutely didn’t help Steve’s case when the whole team found out about Y/n’s past. His anxiety had practically skyrocketed. It eventually led to a one on one talk with Wanda about how sometimes we need to protect ourselves before letting people in. 

But Y/n was still there. Breaking down Wanda’s walls. So just like any Dad would, Steve watched over. Making sure his girl was always happy and safe. So while Natasha may have refilled Wanda’ cubby and did her reports, Steve had carried Wanda to bed during nights she couldn’t sleep. He made her tea for times that she didn’t want to talk, which was often. He tucked her in at night and cuddled with her when she needed a shoulder to cry on. He was just there. 

But so was she. She was there whenever Wanda cried at night. She was there when Wanda would sometimes forget to eat after busying herself all day. She was there to take care of Wanda. She was there when Steve wasn’t. And that meant everything to Steve. So why couldn’t Steve be there for Y/n? 

There were a lot of unanswered questions roaming around Steve’s head. Rather than pondering more about them, he walked around the tower, eating a pack of cookies for himself. Just as he was turning the corner, he glanced towards the conference room to see Wanda asleep in front of her reports. However, the more alarming part was the girl that happened to be right in front of Wanda. Steve quickly grew on high alert and observed Y/n’s actions. However, after a couple minutes of harmless actions, Steve forced his shoulders to relax. “She’s just doing reports - calm down,” Steve thought. 

But he couldn’t calm down. The guilt had maneuvered it’s way back up to his throat as he actually noticed the pale state of the once bright girl. For someone that had literal fire abilities, she lacked the glow of any raging fire. Feeling nothing but guilt all over, Steve felt compelled to say something - anything. But he froze. He didn’t know what to say. 

However, the opportunity soon was lost as Y/n finished everyone’s stack of reports. Steve hid around the corner as Y/n passed him. Hearing a door close was when Steve stepped out of hiding. He glanced towards the direction of Y/n’s room, feeling every need to go to her. But his footsteps led him to Wanda. He picked her up and carried her to her room. Wanda will always be first in Steve’s heart. And nothing could change that. 

“We have to stop this treatment Tony.” Steve waltzed into Tony’s lab the very next day. For once, he couldn’t sleep for the remainder of the night. Y/n was all over his mind. The guilt was practically eating him alive. 

Tony rolled his eyes at Steve’s dramatic fashion for entrances. “Oh - good morning Tony - how are you - I’m actually pretty good.” Steve rolled his eyes as he stood in front of Tony, a hologram in between the two. 

“Cut the crap Tony - I’m being serious.” Steve crossed his arms. This needed to end. “And you think I’m not Rodgers?” Tony was quick to respond, already growing irritated by the conversation. 

“This isn’t right - none of this right.” Steve wiped the hologram to finally get a clear view of Tony as he grew frustrated by the second. Tony simply swiped it back, not wanting to deal with the issue. “Well maybe if she just quit - we wouldn’t need to worry about anything. It’s not my fault Fury hired Ms. Hydra - and if he finds out I fired her, he would not allow it at all.” 

“But can’t you see that your stupid plan isn’t working? All we’re doing is abusing the girl.” Steve wiped the hologram again but Tony simply walked to a different station and continued his work. Angry with his response, Steve walked around the table and stood beside Tony. 

“This needs to end Tony,” Steve said through his gritted teeth. The man was clenching his jaw so hard, it almost looked as if he was going to break his teeth. However, Tony quickly glared at Steve at the mention of his threat. 

“Don’t you fucking dare. Can’t you actually see that I’m trying to protect Wanda.” Steve tilted his head at the awful reasoning for his actions. “How is this protecting Wanda? Why are you even trying to protect her?” 

Tony slammed his fist into the table, feeling his anger rising by the second. “We - no - I need to protect her Steve!”

“Why Tony? Why?” 

“Because I’m the goddamn reason her parents and her country is dead. I’m the reason that everything she ever loved is gone. I’m the reason for her sadness. She, of all people, deserves happiness. And I sure as hell won’t let anyone else hurt her anymore - no more Steve.” Tony didn’t give Steve a chance as he walked out the facility needing a day drink more than ever. 

It was lunch time and all Wanda could think about was the need to cook paprikash. She didn’t know when the last time she had actually cooked. And seeing as the majority of the team was on missions, she could actually cook without interruptions or lingering eyes. 

Walking into the kitchen, Wanda tied her hair up and started to take out the necessary ingredients for the meal. It was when she was talking the spices out when Vision had appeared out of nowhere, nearly scaring the girl. “Vision!” 

Sensing a slight rise in her heart rate and anger, Vision had quickly apologized. “Sorry Wanda.” Wanda shook her head and quickly resumed prepping. “I will try to work on making my presence known. If I may ask, what is it that you’re doing?” 

“I’m making paprikash.” Vision’s mind grew curious at the word and quickly searched his database for it. “I see. A traditional Sokovian food.” Wanda didn’t realize it, but she had felt a little annoyed at the synthezoid’s presence. It wasn’t anything he did, but Wanda desperately wanted alone time for herself. 

Before she could ask, Vision had said, “Good morning Y/n.” Wanda’s quickly grew wide as she avoided glancing in Y/n’s direction. She hadn’t stayed in the tense position though as Vision announced, “Oh - it seems she had left before saying hi back.” 

Feeling ever more frustrated with people’s presence, Wanda was about to ask him to leave but noticed the confusion written all over his face and didn’t hesitate to ask, “What is it Vision?” Vision pursed his lips and contemplated his words. It was visibly obvious to see that he was trying to wrack up what to say. “I think...it’s just…” He sighed knowing that this was going to be a sensitive subject to the witch but knowing everything she's been through, lying was not the best option. “It’s just that Y/n-” Wanda quickly cut Vision off in desperation to know what Y/n had done to Vision. If the girl were to even lay a finger on him, she was sure to deal with it herself.  “What did she do? Did she hurt you? I swear-” Seeing her eyes turn red, Vision immediately explained himself. “-No no no. It’s not that, the complete opposite actually.” Wanda’s eyes slowly turned back to normal. When Vision saw that her heart rate was close to normal, he continued. “It’s just that...Y/n’s vitals have been decreasing in a fluctuating matter. Some days it would be a small decrease, but some days it would be a big decrease. Overall, her health has been poor.” Vision looked back at where Y/n once stood. If he hadn’t quickly analyzed her, he wouldn’t have noticed that today’s vitals was record worst. “Although she does have physical injuries, she seems to continue to radiate pain throughout her body even when those injuries have healed. It starts through her head and it spreads like a radio wave through her nervous system. I’ve done my calculations and the leading cause could be migraines...” Vision soon was in deep thought, trying to recalculate just to make sure what he was about to say was correct. “...but it doesn’t make sense.” 

Wanda tilted her head. Processing this information was hard seeing as at her darkest moments, she wanted nothing but Y/n to be hurt. She deserved it for all the pain she caused her to go through. But hearing it now? That was a different story. It was like an internal conflict was going through her. Should she even care about Y/n’s health? “What doesn’t make sense?” Vision looked hard into Wanda’s eyes as he said, “Migraines shouldn’t cause her heart to stop multiple times.” 

Wanda stared at Vision, processing the information that the love of her life is practically dying. “A-are you sure?” Vision slowly nodded. “However, after some calculations, I do believe she will be okay. She only needs a good source of food for her healing regeneration to fully heal this.” Wanda relaxed at Vision’s words. Although she has been through immense pain through these past couple months, having Y/n gone from her life like that would hurt more than anything. 

Before Vision could continue his explanation, F.R.I.D.A.Y stated, “Emergency alert. All available Avengers please head to the quinjet per the request of Mr. Stark and Mr. Rogers.” Quickly, the two headed to the plane as the important part of Vision’s explanation was missed. Little did Wanda know, Y/n would not heal any time soon. 

The trio arrived on the quinjet and wasted no time trying to figure out the mission that was ahead of them. There was a serious feel in the atmosphere sensing that this had to be bad. There was no way that it couldn’t have been. Because if it wasn’t, they certainly wouldn’t have invited Y/n to this mission. 

Lately, the girl has been assigned to only solo missions. Y/n couldn’t quite remember the last time that she was on a mission with any team member nevermind the fact with the whole team. 

“Backup is needed immediately after touch down. Vision and Wanda, meet up with Steve and Sam at the Northeast corridor. Y/n, you are assigned to the entrance,” Tony stated through the intercom. 

The feeling in Y/n’s stomach worsened. Not only was she hungry and sleep deprived, she didn’t also have a partner with her. It also didn’t help the fact that the flashes have gotten worse. Y/n couldn’t help but pray for a miracle. After all, they were dealing with the very people Y/n hated - Hydra. 

Y/n couldn’t quite tell when things on the mission got to shit. Maybe it was the fact that as soon as they touched down and went to their assigned positions, Y/n received a massive swarm of Hydra agents. It didn’t help that her health regeneration was not at its peak or these agents actually were decently trained. Or was it during the third wave, that was currently happening, where Y/n tested the limits of her body. 

Seeing the onslaught of agents coming her way, Y/n decided it was time to test out her new ability. She rapidly swung her right arm, building momentum as the fire within her right side blazed. As soon as the enemies were close, she released a fire tornado in their path. It had managed to take out at least half of the wave, but more and more kept coming. 

Pressing her comms, Y/n said, “Can someone send back up my way?! There’s too many for me to handle.” Y/n kicked back the agent that was about to stab her in the back, but was too distracted to the point a different agent was able to cut her leg. “Fuck.” 

Y/n quickly released an ice wall that at first glance, appeared to be the same height as the Great Wall of China. She hoped the barrier would give her enough time for her backup to appear. Focusing all her energy on her fireside, Y/n aimed at any agent near her, using her arm as a flamethrower. 

However, worry immediately grew when no one had responded to her call within a couple minutes. Before she could request again, Nat had spoken bitterly in the comms, “On my way.” Sighing in relief, Y/n continued to fight off the agents the best she could. 

But no matter how hard she tried to buy herself time, it seemed that Natasha was taking forever to come. It had gotten to the point that multiple lashes already appeared. Her healing regeneration couldn’t keep up at all. Not only that, but her body was either giving up from exhaustion or blood loss. It was only during the last couple agents when Natasha had shown up and quickly killed the remainder. 

Y/n glanced at the assassin and noticed the lack of any injuries on her and it was as if she barely broke a sweat. “What happened? I almost got killed.” 

Natasha glared at Y/n as she responded with, “I helped Bucky and Rhodey on the way, they needed it.” Y/n swallowed the lump in her throat knowing the redhead in front of her had practically lied. If backup was needed, it was always voiced through comms. 

Even if Y/n had wanted to confront Natasha about it, she couldn’t. Natasha had already left to head to the quinjet. Y/n simply limped a couple feet from her. When Y/n arrived, it seemed that everyone else was already prepared for take off. Feeling ever more guilty, Y/n simply sat at the closet seat to the entrance that was away from the team. But something inside her broke even more noticing the lack of any questions or concerns from the team in regards to her injuries. 

Not even bothering to buckle up, Y/n sulked in her thoughts when she realized, “Why doesn’t anyone care about me?” 

Tag List: @halobaby​ @arelyitsherec8​ @blackxwidowsxwife​ @cristin-rjd​ @madamevirgo​ @trikruismybitch​ @paradiselost916​ @mmmmokdok​ @morbid-gaymer​ @dailyavengering​ @itsnottilly​ @helloalycia​ @randomshyperson​ @tomy5girls​ @daenerys713​ @ensorcellme​ @lezzzbehonesthere​ @imagine-reblog​ @sighsam​ 

[ziracona]

For the record what /should/ have happened at the end of Inquisition is Solas is going to break some of the veil to restore magic and power [[not somehow inexplicably be going to nuke the world?? To death?? Like I’ve been in the fade as a human a dwarf an elf and a qunari we were all just fine??? Or letting the old gods out again??? Which was the whole reason it went up?? Like..:Anyway]], enough of it to change how the world works, which will eternally upset the power structures in Thedas, and then use that power to lead an army to restore lands to the elves, since they’ve been thrown out of even the shitty reservations Andraste gave them.

He should have been awake for centuries, trying alone to fix things in better ways and failing, driven to isolation even among his own, in the burned wreckage of his good intentions, not awake for one year and viewing everyone he sees as not a real person [[Boring and unlikable motivation??? I mean I’m glad they had him change that by the end, but? It’s like a boring ‘intellectual bro’ failing that kind of guy would give his D&D pc. Also doesn’t really fit his characterization in-game? Like damn bro for someone who didn’t see anyone as people most of the time you sure cared if we delivered flowers or made life better for the mages]]. All of that would be in line with history of the game! The knights who tried to protect the Dales during the Exalted March of the Dales were all followed by a wolf companion? Him, trying to help. Trying to save them again. Let him have lived in the ashes of every attempt for centuries. Let him have been pushed and drained, not just woken up and still somehow feeling the most qualified around for every choice after seeing his last choice broke things in half.

He should have tried everything else and given up after a string of ‘I’ll act and make it better, I’ll act, and make it better,” all falling to a memory of “he ruined it, he caused this.” Alone for centuries. Chosen to do the only thing he could and go all the way, accepted dying alone and dying as the villain as inevitable, and decided to at least make that worth it to himself once, and leaned hard into the “I’m big and bad and doing this alone.” Become an expedient force of destruction carving out lands and a chance for his people, becoming everything, to draw blame from the elves onto himself, and pursued the most expedient from A to B path forward possible, despite the carnage, to assure the results he knew would be best, even if he knew it would probably also get him killed alone, and painted the villain forever again. Because nothing else had worked, and it was too late to back up after everything lost. We could have had a fuckin Sword of Damocles and DA could have knocked it out of the park ripping off Code Geass twice in one series and they just biffed it so hard!!

EDIT: OH and I should have been able to see that if my little Qunari did nothing, the man would die alone succumbing to his eons old fate one last time and ending in his biggest fear, still trying to, and sort of doing, something deeply good, for which he will be hated for all time, while my guy had the power to save him from that. But knowing if he tried to help, he would himself be seen as a beacon of evil and all he’d sacrificed to gain, in chantry reforms, in freedom for Mages, in lives for the elves of Orlais, in perception of the Qunari, would be turned against them and called into doubt and leave them in the ashes of his good intentions. And fighting should have broken out full scale at the end of the game, and he should have been able to, instead of either choice, abominate himself into a dragon by calling on his bloodline, and go out shielding the guy from a falling mountain or something just once at the start of a war Zhuzhi Lang style and been at peace.

[ptergwen]

Hi val! Got a request, it's okay if you don't wanna write it, but can you write about peter telling the reader he's going on a huge mission and he's excited about it but the reader is so worried they end up arguing? But when peter gets back from mission all bruised, the reader is still upset but dresses his wound anyway and it ends up with fluff??

abort mission

w/c: 2.4k

warnings: mentions of blood, swearing, and angst

a/n: woah woah woah i ended up writing way more than i expected but i loved this request so much :,) i hope you do too

-

“we’re staying in this, like, super fancy castle while we’re there. it’s gonna be awesome,” peter rambles to you. he takes all the clean shirts in his drawer and throws them into a suitcase.

he’s packing for a mission in europe with the avengers, and you’re here to say goodbye. you’ve been pretty quiet while peter gives you as many details as he’s allowed to. it’s always an honor when the team invites him on. he gets so stoked about it. you’re happy he’s happy and gets to pursue his passion, but you’ve noticed a pattern.

every time peter leaves the country with earth’s mightiest heroes, he comes back in worse condition than the last. it seems like they protect everyone except peter. he’s oblivious to the fact that the end result is always his suffering. he’s just glad to be there. really, he gets nothing in return except scars that never heal, not even a permanent spot on the team. 

so, you’re not thrilled he agreed to go.

“plus, i get to miss two weeks of school.” peter beams, getting onto his knees to zip the suitcase. “feels like a vacation almost.” “you like school, though,” you remind him. you’re sat at the edge of his bed while you watch, rather than help. he hops up again with a shrug. “i like vacations more.” “it’s not a vacation,” you mutter to yourself, then speak up.

“how are you gonna catch up? that’s a lot of missing assignments.” with that same innocent smile, peter walks over to you. he grabs both your hands and laces your fingers together. “i’m a fast learner. besides, ned said he’d help me.” you sigh, looking down at the floor so you don’t have to look at peter. “or, you could. make it into a little study date when i get back,” he suggests while playing with your fingers.

“i don’t even want you to go,” you finally admit and meet his sparkling eyes. nothing could ever dull them. “why not? you’re gonna miss me?” peter teases, pressing a couple of kisses to your palm. “you don’t have to. i’m pretty sure france has wifi.” he wiggles his eyebrows. “oui oui, mademoiselle, eh?” despite yourself, you giggle at his french accent and tug on his hands. he sits down next to you with a chuckle.

“nat has been giving me lessons,” peter explains, you quirking an eyebrow. “she speaks french?” “she speaks a lot of languages, actually. she’s so cool.” peter scoots closer to you and sets his hands on your waist, his voice dropping. “you’d love her.” your face twists up in confusion at the idea.

you don’t have anything against the avengers, obviously. they’re good people. you’re just not the biggest fan of them at the moment, considering the circumstances they’ve put peter under.

“peter, i don’t want you to go,” you repeat more seriously than before. your teeth sink into your lower lip. “and, it’s not because i’ll miss you.” “none taken,” peter jokes, implying there should’ve been a no offense. he then realizes how distressed you look, so he cuts it out. “sorry, sorry. i’m done now. how come?”

you take his hand again and hold it tight. “what if you get hurt?” you ask in the nicest way possible, out of care. “i don’t wanna see you hurting, pete. this mission sounds really... dangerous.” he runs his thumb over the back of your hand, his grin faltering a bit. “it is, but i’m ready for it. i’ll be fine.”

you’re not convinced yet. that line he likes to overuse isn’t enough to do the trick.

his eyes searching for yours, peter brushes a piece of your hair back. “have a little faith in me, babe.” “no, i... i do. i have the most faith in you, peter.” you find yourself frowning as he twirls your locks around his finger. “that’s not the problem.” peter’s voice becomes a whisper. “what is it, then? talk to me.”

you do the opposite because you’re afraid you’ll upset him further, which is the last thing he needs right now. your silence prompts peter to fill it. “would it make you feel better if i say mr. stark is keeping an eye on me?” he’s smiling sheepishly, you scoffing. “oh, like he kept an eye on you in amsterdam?”

the only eye related activity that happened there was peter almost losing one of his. he’d come back with an eyepatch and couldn’t see out of it for over a month. to this day, there’s still a bit of blood in it when you look close enough.

“i already told you, that was my fault,” peter grumbles, turning so he faces forward. “i didn’t listen to him-“ “who gives a shit? he’s the one who put you in that situation!” you blurt out. you’ve been way too patient this whole time, and now you’re reaching your breaking point. “you say that like i didn’t wanna be there.” peter clenches his jaw, still mostly calm.

“either way, mr. stark,” you mock what peter always calls him, “was supposed to keep you safe, and he didn’t. i’m scared it’s gonna happen again.” letting out a noise close to a growl, peter stands up from the bed. “you’re not listening to me, y/n. everything was fine. i just-“ you’re not in the mood to hear him make excuses, so you interrupt.

“do you know any other sixteen year olds who fight literal terrorists on their free time?” you rhetorically ask and get to your own feet. peter tries to walk away from you, only you follow him. “you’re a kid, peter, in case you forgot.” he spins around to give you a nasty look. “do you know any other sixteen year olds who stick to fucking walls?”

your heart starts to race from his sudden outburst. he’s scary when he’s mad, and he almost never gets mad at you. all you can do is blink dumbly. “didn’t think so,” peter spits. “this is what i’m supposed to do, help people. is that so wrong?” his breathing becomes ragged as his anger grows.

“what about you? are you helping yourself?” you speak softly, expecting an answer this time. “you’re not my fucking therapist, y/n,” he deflects the question. “i am your girlfriend, though. i care about you so much, you know that.” eyebrows furrowed in concern, you reach out for peter. he takes a step back. it doesn’t take long for tears to cloud your vision.

“i was excited to share this with you, and i thought you’d be happy for me.” peter balls his hands into fists at his sides. his voice stays low. “instead, you made it all about yourself. you can never let me enjoy team stuff.” you’re speechless, peter nodding as he lets his words sit. “thanks for the support.”

“you’re an asshole,” you laugh out bitterly and wipe under your eyes.

he didn’t mean to make you cry. he was so caught up in himself, he didn’t realize you were.

peter’s whole demeanor changes. “y/n, baby...” he attempts to put a hand on your cheek, but you hit it away. “get off of me. what did i just say?” you sniffle, your tone harsh in contrast. “you’re an asshole, peter.” he changes his mind about feeling bad. you’ve berated him way more than he did you, anyway.

“you should go. i have to be up early,” peter decides, even though he’d said you could stay the night. whatever, you don’t want to anymore. “fine,” you agree shortly. “i’m leaving.” he stands there while you collect your things, shoving them into your bag. you’re going slow enough so he has a chance to stop you. he doesn’t.

you pass by him on your way to his door, sucking in a breath. here’s your official goodbye. “see you later, peter. don’t die.” “mhm, i won’t,” he replies, his tongue poking at his cheek. with one more shared look between you two, you make your grand exit, no doubt informing may of her nephew’s behavior before you’re gone.

peter immediately regrets the way he talked to you, and that you’re leaving things like this. you were only trying to protect him. you’ll never be able to save the city like he does, so this is how you do it. he truly is an asshole for not seeing that.

frustration consuming him, peter kicks over his fully stuffed suitcase, its contents spilling out. he grits his teeth.

“fan-fucking-tastic.”

-

you don’t talk to peter the whole two weeks he’s gone except for some are you alive and yes texts. he’d called you quite a few times, and was sent to voicemail for all of them. he gave you the benefit of the doubt because of timezones.

it was actually because you declined, which peter knew deep down was the real reason.

he’s coming home from his mission today. you’re not sure when or if he plans on dropping by. you’re not sure you’d like him to, either. you don’t really get a choice in the end.

there’s a series of knocks at your window, at some ungodly time in the night. you’re all too familiar with this routine. it’s peter.

you slip out from under your covers, a scowl already painting your face as you go to the window. surely enough, peter is perched in front of it, clad in red and black. the suit must be new because you’ve never seen it. you push up the window and step aside so he can get through.

“thanks,” peter mumbles, climbing into your room less gracefully than usual. he’s sort of wobbly when he lands. “yeah,” you dully acknowledge. “how was france?” “uh, good. you know, lots of cheese and all that.” his voice is muffled from his mask, since he hasn’t taken it off yet. that’s odd. “i was talking about the mission, but cool,” you almost laugh back.

“the mission was... fine,” peter clarifies and scratches the back of his neck. he never describes something as simply being ‘fine.’ when the boy talks, he lectures. you’re starting to get worried. “that’s good. at least you didn’t die, right?” you say to lighten the mood. peter awkwardly chuckles. “haha, yeah. thank god for that.”

you hum and walk over to sit on your bed, peter staying where he is. “what time did you get back?” you wonder, a completely harmless question. “um, this morning,” he says in response, raising your suspicions. “why’re you still in the suit, then?” you squint at him. “i like it, by the way.” “thanks, y/n/n. i, uh,” peter trails off, no good explanations coming to mind.

you’re quickly developing a hunch for what what down. you wordlessly get up again, meeting peter by your window. he’s nervous to see what happens next. peter’s shoulders slump when your fingers land on his mask. you carefully lift it, revealing his face to you. his banged up, bloody face.

“surprise.” peter musters up a grin, you tossing the mask at his chest. you’re beyond angry now. it’s not at him, athough it is at his injuries. “please don’t be mad,” he nearly begs, you shaking your head. you go to leave your room for some space. peter’s fingers wrap around your wrist, pulling you back. “i should’ve listened to you, okay? i’m sorry,” he genuinely apologizes.

you still don’t say anything while you look over his beaten body. there’s a gash with stitches in it on his chin, a deep slice across the bridge of his nose, cuts littering his cheeks. he’s even got a busted lip for good measure. this might be the worst condition he’s let you see him in.

“you were right, y/n. i think... i think i’m gonna sit the next one out. it’s too much for me, clearly,” peter continues, fingers sliding down to lock with yours. “you should say you told me so.” “how... how did this happen?” you manage to get out instead. “the bad guy fought me,” he says with the hint of a smirk. “i won, though.”

it’s a relief that he’s handling this so well, even earning a laugh from you. that puts you more at ease.

“this is probably a dumb question, but are you okay?” you brush your thumb over peter’s cheekbone gently, avoiding his scratches. “not really. my face hurts a lot, and flash is gonna tease the hell out of me on monday.” his lips form a line, arms looping around your waist. it’s very much welcomed by you.

“you just spent two weeks trying not to die, and you’re worried about flash?” you snicker and draw a heart on his skin. peter shrugs a shoulder. “he’s so mean to me.” he brings you in closer to him. “besides, this is the normal kid stuff i should be focusing on.” you’re glad he finally came to terms with that. you’ve been saying it for the longest time.

you smile wickedly at him. “exactly. so is all that homework you have to make up.” peter lets out a breathy laugh, you laying your head on his chest. “i missed you,” he tells you quietly. “really wish i could kiss you right now.” “i missed you too, pete. so much,” you murmur into him. your hands settle on his biceps. “and, i forgive you.” “thanks, baby,” peter exhales.

“of course. once your lips are healed,” you pull back from his chest, making a kissing noise. “pucker up, lover- oh my god.” you’re looking up at him with wild eyes. peter gets reasonably startled from it. “what? what’s wrong?” “you... you’re bleeding!” you point at his stitches. he winces, touching the spot. there’s blood, alright.

“crap. do you have a bandaid or something?” peter gives you an apologetic smile. “mr. stark said i should cover them when this happens.” maybe, tony isn’t so bad after all. you nod and take him by his hand. “yeah, in the bathroom. come with me.”

peter sits on the edge of your bathtub while you patch up his chin. he tells you more about the fun parts of his mission, you placing the cinderella bandaid over his gash. you have those from a while ago and also regular ones. however, he preferred the princess design.

“you saw the real mona lisa? like, in person? that’s insane.” you grin, smoothing down peter’s bandaid one last time. “yeah, she’s even prettier up close.” peter returns the smile. “thanks for taking care of me, y/n. i swear i don’t deserve you sometimes.” now pouting at him, you crouch down so you’re at his level. “it’s the other way around, peter.”

“let’s just agree to disagree,” he concludes and tucks a stray hair behind your ear. “i love you, okay?” “i love you, too.” you press a light kiss to his bandaid, getting a giggle from peter.

yeah, it’s going to be hell finding replacements for his lips.

[wardenannie]

Just friends

In the beginning they aren’t friends at all. Not even remotely. 

Hange is too excitable for Levi, and Levin too severe for Hange. Though the scientist attempts to feign cordiality between the two of them, Levi does nothing to conceal his disdain. It is only after Erwin calls them into his office and speaks to them sternly that they finally come to a silent agreement with one another. 

Just friends begins with a sort of truce. An understanding between them that perhaps they aren't so different, or they are, but they can learn to overcome those differences for the sake of synergy in the field.

That is what Erwin wants, after all. 

They still poke fun, but it's more lighthearted than it was before. More playful. There is a gentleness to it, a light. It brings some levity to those brutal, bloody days that linger in the backs of their minds. They actually begin to take some small comfort in each other’s presence, though neither of them are willing to admit it allowed, and most certainly not to each other. 

When just friends becomes staying up and drinking tea and whisky into the budding hours of dawn, neither of them can say. But more than once they are the only two left standing among a field of drunken allies.

They look at one another, and even Levi, dead sober, sipping his tea, cannot help but smirk.

When Hange passes out in his lap he reluctantly allows the contact, that is until they drool on him, at which point he surreptitiously slips a pillow beneath their cheek. 

He pretends not to watch them sleep, only for a moment.  

He doesn’t find their peaceful expression enchanting. He doesn’t secretly find them handsome with their russet hair covering their eyes, mingling with their lashes. He pushes it out of their face anyways. 

They’re just friends.

Just friends becomes casual touches. Passing smiles (or affectionate scowls in Levi’s case). It becomes easy nights spent in silent company. Nights spent in Hange’s lab, or lounging in the library. It becomes silent understanding, a fleeting consciousness of what the other is about to say or do. 

Just friends becomes a sort of casual, platonic intimacy that has their comrades whispering and casting them knowing glances. But they simply ignore it. They are just friends after all. 

When just friends begins to entail tending one another's wounds is about two years after their first meeting. Hange limps to his quarters, calf a bloody tattered mess from a nasty three-meter bite.

"I can't go to the infirmary," they explain. “If Erwin finds out about this he’ll bench me.” 

He scolds them as he treats the wound with iodine and wraps it in clean gauze. 

“You need to be more careful, four-eyes. It could have taken your leg clean off,” he tries to disguise the way his hands shake as he cleans each of the shallow gouges which hug Hange’s calf in a gory half moon. 

They hiss and wince as dirt and debris are washed away, leaving only ragged flesh which will surely scar. 

Levi pretends that their obvious discomfort doesn’t perturb him, but it does. Another new development. He cares for them, loathe as he is to admit it. 

Just friends becomes sharing a bed with surprising swiftness after that. 

It is after a particularly gory expedition beyond Wall Maria. Many of their comrades fall, never to rise again. The blood runs in rivers over the fallow earth, bones crunch between massive, inhuman teeth. And the screams. The screams bite into both of them; leaching into their very cores and clinging there like poison; breeding doubt, fear. 

The knock comes on Levi’s door well past midnight. That he is still awake is a coincidence he cares not to consider too closely.  

He knows its Hange without asking. Who else would be so bold as to disturb Captain Ackerman’s beauty sleep? 

“Come in?” He’s reading a book by candlelight and doesn’t so much as glance up as Hange Zoe enters the room, shutting the door carefully behind themself. 

“Levi...” 

He glances over the top of his book; stare cool but not unkind, “Why are you bothering me so late at night, shitty-glasses? You should be asleep.” 

Hange lingers at the threshold, clad in loose sleep clothing. Levi pretends he can’t see their nipples poking through the gauzy fabric of their shirt, “I could say the same about you.” 

A long, pained silence passes between the two of them. A quiet sort of understanding. 

Slowly, Levi lowers his book into his lap. Then he peels back the covers, scooting over and making room for Hange beside him. 

“Bad dreams?” He asks, already knowing the answer he will receive.

Hange crosses the room and sits on the edge of the bed, they rest their elbows on their knees, steepling their fingers in front of their face, “Yeah. You?”

Levi swallows thickly and nods. 

“Can I...” Hange turns their face away, glancing out the window in a paltry attempt to disguise their flush, “Can I stay here tonight?” 

Levi doesn’t so much as hesitate, “Yes.” 

Tentatively, Hange lowers themself into the mattress, stealing away one of Levi’s pillows. They don’t touch. They don’t speak a word once Hange has settled in beside Levi. The captain simply reaches over his comrade and snuffs out the candle, cloaking them in darkness. 

And so just friends becomes best friends in a night. 

The territory of best friends is accompanied by a new found respect for one another. A respect that runs deeper than that which had already existed between them. Occasionally Levi will glance up at Hange to find that their eyes are already on him. Usually they are smiling. But on rare occasions their expression is more contemplative; thoughtful and distant. 

Levi tries not to think about it too deeply. What it could mean. What they could be thinking while they stare at him with such intensity. 

Then the meaning of just friends who happen to be best friends shifts again during a hard fought battle beyond the suffocating succor of the Walls. 

Levi jerks awake, head throbbing, mouth dry and tasting of blood. The world around him is blurry at first, and he struggles to recall where he is until it slowly comes into focus. 

There are arms around him, supporting his aching head and clutching at his hand. A voice calls out to him, low and panicked. 

“Levi? Oh thank fuck, Levi,” it’s Hange. Levi can’t quite remember where he is, but he could place Hange’s voice anywhere. Slowly, they come into focus over him. Their head is ringed with sunlight that shines from behind them, creating the illusion of a halo around them as they look down on him. 

It strikes him how perfect they are. Gorgeous. Handsome. Hawkish nose and wide, bright eyes, olive skin and russet hair. Imperfectly perfect. 

Their wine-colored eyes shine with worry. They touch his face, tenderly, “Can you speak?” 

“Yeah,” Levi rasps, and it finally comes back to him. A titan had emerged as if from nowhere and swept him out of the sky, knocking him head first into the cold, hard ground. Hange saved his life, felling the thing at the last moment before it took the Captain into its jaws. 

For a moment it is enough to stun him. But isn’t that what best friends do for one another? 

It is that night in Levi’s tent that they go from being just friends who are also best friends, to best friends who kiss in the dark. 

Hange refuses to be parted from him. Insisting that he needs supervision due to his possible concussion. Levi doesn’t argue as they help him to his sleeping bag. Outside the stars hold their silent, glittering vigil, and the moon hangs low and radiant in the sky, bleeding through the canvas of the tent just enough to allow for some visibility. 

“Try to stay awake,” Hange says softly, sitting beside him. They touch his forehead, pushing his hair away from his eyes. Their touch lingers, and Levi cannot help but notice the way their eyes seem to glimmer in the dark. 

When they lean forward and press their lips to his it is chaste, delicate and fleeting. But when they try to pull away he cups the back of their neck and tugs them back to him, sitting up slightly so he can kiss them from an improved angle. 

“Just friends,” he rasps between hurried kisses. Hange occupies all of his senses, from their earthy scent to the sharp taste of them on his tongue. He loves it. He would gladly drown himself in Hange Zoe. 

Hange nods, curling into his side, kissing him again, “Just friends blowing off steam.” 

Just friends, best friends, best friends who kiss in the dark; they carry on that way for months. Stealing kisses in those quiet moments between meetings and missions. 

It isn’t long before hands begin to roam. Curious fingers searching over one another’s bodies as they chase each other’s tongues over eager, sliding lips. But they hold back. They resist that primordial drive for sex with everything they have. Because how can they be just friends if they’re having sex? How could they cross that line without jeopardizing everything they have built with one another? 

But the others know. Mike, Nanaba, Moblit, even Erwin... they all know. The teasing glances have turned to those of legitimate concern, the passing comments have turned into genuine appeals for common sense. And so they are met with the second reason to remain just friends, best friends, friends who kiss in the dark; the life of a soldier is not one which can accommodate love. Real unconditional love. Duty will always take precedent. 

Then comes the night where kissing in the dark is not longer enough. 

It was never really enough, but things finally reach a boiling point. 

Hange is in their lab, working well past midnight when Levi stumbles in. He is clad in nothing but a pair of loose fitting sleep pants, slate eyes wild. He is flushed, covered in a thin sheen of sweat. 

A nightmare. He’s had a nightmare. Hange bleeding in his arms. Dying. Not from a wound inflicted by a titan but from a series of bullet holes bored into their middle. Weeping blood, crimson welling over his fingers despite the pressure he applied. 

The image clings to the backs of his eyes, boring its way into his soul, his heart, his mind and consciousness. Hange; killed by another human, not a titan, but a man. Suddenly nowhere feels safe or sacred. He wants to take Hange into his arms and flee. Flee until the world cannot catch them. 

Kisses in the dark could never fix this. It feels like nothing could fix this. 

“Levi?” Hange turns away from their work, a collection of bubbling beakers resting on the wooden countertop. Their expression is one of concern as he crosses the room and pulls them roughly into his arms. 

“I can’t fucking do this anymore,” He snarls, and then he kisses them roughly, pushing the small of their back into the hard edge of the counter. The beakers rattle and several spill over with the force of his body against theirs. 

Hange moans into his mouth, melting into him, arms winding around the back of his neck as he helps them up and onto the counter. They shift backward, experiment forgotten, and suddenly they are anything but just friends. 

Levi buries himself in Hange with little foreplay or preamble, but they are already wet and pliant, ready for him. 

The sex is fast and desperate. Hange buries their face against Levi’s neck, feeling the erratic pace of his pulse as he delves into them. 

“I love you,” they whimper. Because they do. With everything they have they love their Captain. Levi Ackerman. Humanity’s strongest. Theirs.

Levi fucks them harder for it. Because it can’t be. They’re just friends. Best friends. Friends who kiss in the dark and make frantic love at the thought of losing one another. Just friends.

Just friends. 

Just friends. 

Levi comes inside of Hange with a broken sob. Their fingers are in his hair, lips on his as they follow him over the edge. They’re crying, too. Tears mingle between their mouths as they work one another up again. 

They dress, but only long enough to reach Levi’s quarters, at which point they peel away their clothing and fall into bed together. All of it is wordless, silent knowing passes between them. Each anticipates the other’s movements and react with according passion. 

They make love again. Slower, softer. Hange’s soft cries fill up the room, punctuated by Levi’s muffled grunts as he buries his own noises in their damp skin. 

“This is perfect,” Hange whispers, nails raking down Levi’s switching back. And then they say it again, “I love you.” 

Wetness floods between them as Hange comes first. Levi rocks them through it, body wracked with pleasure, mind wracked with confusion, fear of what will happen come sunrise, when this new, precious thing between them has been exposed to the light of day. 

But is it really so new? Has he not always loved Hange Zoe? Have they not occupied his every waking thought for years as he refused to acknowledge his own attractions?

He looks down as he fucks into them, finds their wine-colored gaze is locked on his face. They reach up and cup his cheek, soft moans slipping past their lips as his hips stutter and he finishes inside of them for the second time that night. 

“Hange,” The way he speaks their name is ragged, like a desperate prayer on his lips. He kisses them. He never wants to stop kissing them. 

“I love you,” Hange breathes between kisses. They roll onto their sides, their faces illuminated by a shaft of silvery moonlight through the window. “You don’t have to say it back but I can’t be just friends anymore, Levi. It’s driving me crazy.” 

They kiss him, “Seeing you.”

Again, “Touching you.” 

A third time, slower, wet, lingering, “But not being with you.” 

Levi’s hands are on their hips, caressing up their sides. He feels the goosebumps he leaves in his wake, and knows he shares a similar physiological reaction to Hange’s own touch. 

But they’re just friends. Just friends, best friends, friends who kiss in the dark, friends who make desperate love and whisper heartfelt confessions under cover of night. Just friends. 

Hange touches his cheek, “Say something, please, Levi.” 

His lips part, but he struggles to find the words to express his emotions. Nothing makes sense in that moment. The world has tilted on its axis, everything is changed, and yet nothing is. 

“We were never just friends, shitty-glasses,” he says, finally. His eyes are glassy, gaze turned up to peer out the window at the night sky. The stars show their brilliant faces, glittering, and Levi wonders if perhaps their fate is written somewhere in that serene darkness. 

“We’ll keep it a secret for as long as we can,” Hange reassures him, settling there head against his chest, where they can hear his heart beating steady and strong. They run their fingers over his sternum, between his pecs and down the expanse of his abdomen, toying with the trail of downy hairs beneath his navel. 

“They already know,” Levi sighed, and he presses his mouth to the crown of Hange’s head. His eyes flutter shut, savoring the earthy sent of his lover. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

You’re all that matters, he tacitly implies. 

“They know that we were never just friends.” He pulls the sheets over their sweat damp bodies. Cum stains the fitted sheet. 

“They don’t approve,” Hange says softly, half asleep, lulled by Levi’s steady breaths.

“I don’t give a shit what they think. We deserve this.” Happiness. Even if it was fleeting. Even if one of them died come dawn, it would have all been worth it; to have been loved, to have known love. 

They drift to sleep in each other’s arms. 

Just friends, who became best friends, which in turn because friends who kiss in the dark, then lovers. Two people in love.

But they are soldiers, and they both know that whatever time they might have is borrowed. So they treasure it as best they can. 

[daydreamtofiction]

7, 21, 22

7: Post a snippet from a WIP 

From Five, the next instalment of the Glass series which I still have no idea when I’ll get around to finishing (including an edit w/faceclaims made by moi):

Rosie leaned forward, elbows against the bar, studying Vaughan's face. He had turned away, distracted by a pretty woman in a sparkly dress, his eyes following her as she walked across the room.

"Should I just go?" she asked sarcastically.

"Hm?" He turned back to her quickly and let out a laugh. "I was just looking... respectfully."

"Sure."

He smirked and took a sip of his drink. "Jealous?"

"No."

"Sure."

"Vaughan."

There was a seriousness in her tone that caught him off guard, made him fall silent. She wasn't smiling, her face hard as she glared back at him.

"What?" he asked quietly.

"Nothing." She shook her head, looking down at her drink before lifting it to her lips and downing it in one. "I'm going to say goodbye to your mum and dad, then I'm heading home."

He watched her in confusion as she stood up, observing from his seat at the bar as she hurried through the crowd and hugged his parents, found her father and kissed him on the cheek. She glanced back at him as she headed for the door, pushed it open and disappeared without a smile or a wave.

She walked through the dark car park, heels clacking against the tarmac as she rummaged through her bag for her phone.

"Hey..."

His voice made her stop. She sighed, letting go of her phone and reluctantly turning around.

"What was that about?" he asked as he walked towards her.

"I'm just fed up, Vee. All this back and forth, it's boring."

"Alright well I'm sorry-"

"Are you not bored too?" She shifted on her feet, crossing her arms over her chest. "You're a grown man and you're still messing with me like you did when we were teenagers."

"You mess with me too. It's just... what we do."

"Yeah well I think I'm done."

He took a step closer, his brow furrowed over pale blue eyes. "Where's this come from?"

"I don't know. Just tonight, seeing your mum and dad so happy and in love, and then seeing you eyeing up some random girl."

There was a moment of silence as Vaughan thought carefully, trying hard to compose his words.

"Do you... have feelings for me or something?" he finally asked.

"I have done," she replied bluntly. "More than once over the years. And I know you've had feelings for me too. We act like this flirting is all just banter but it's not, is it."

"So, what are you saying? You want to...?" He gestured between them awkwardly.

"No- well, maybe." She sighed and rolled her eyes. "I don't know. It's just- we're not kids anymore, Vaughan. I think I'm done with all of this."

"Done with all of what?"

"This. Wasting my time with these little crushes we keep having on each other; the teasing, the games, the never letting myself get too attached to other guys because you're always in the back of my mind. You're thirty years old for Christ's sake, and I'm not far behind; if nothing's happened between us by now then I doubt it ever will."

"Rosie..." he whispered, taking another step forward, close enough to touch her now, to reach out and place his hands on her arms.

"Oi, you two!"

They both turned to see Sadie standing at the door.

"Flora's about to give her speech, are you coming?"

He turned back to Rosie, his eyes flitting across her face, but no words left him.

"You should go," she said softly.

He tilted his head and sighed.

"Really," she insisted. "We see each other almost every day. It's not like we won't have time to talk about this."

21: Do you prefer writing chaptered fics or one-shots?

I love them both for different reasons. I’m a short story writer by profession. It’s my craft, my jam. I love oneshots because they’re similar in some ways to the short story form.

But there’s something so exciting about putting out a multi-chapter story. Getting to flesh out characters and give them fully realised arcs. It’s also amazing watching an audience come back chapter after chapter; seeing people get so invested in a story/series you’ve created is truly the best part of writing and posting fanfic.

22: Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process?  How do you come up with titles?

It varies. Sometimes the title comes to me immediately. Like Sublime Dexterity, for example, as soon as I got the request to write something about Sherlock’s hands, the title came immediately. Other times the title is literally ‘title’ until after I’ve finished writing, then I’ll sit and drive myself crazy trying to come up with something.

I love a good title. I’m always writing down words or phrases I read/hear, thinking ‘that’d make a sick title for a story’.