#happy birthday to the girl who never stopped searching for the heartbeat of the stars!

[wondrousmay]

Character Discussion Series: Toyama Kasumi (BanG Dream!)

In honour of Kasumi’s birthday (14th July), here’s my tribute to her!

Toyama Kasumi is a character that has a special place in my heart. She may seem like the usual “genki protagonist” at first glance but Kasumi is a fascinating character once you take a deeper look into her story.

Kasumi’s search for “the heartbeat of the stars”

To understand Kasumi, I think we need to understand the beginning of her journey: everything began one night when young Kasumi heard the heartbeat of the stars. This kirakiradokidoki feeling (sparkling and heart-pounding) was her “sound of beginning” (Searching For Stars event). When she heard/felt this, she got the feeling that something was going to happen. She kept searching and searching for this feeling again but was unable to find it. Until she came upon a trail of star stickers that led to Ryuuseidou (shooting star) and Random Star. Kasumi’s declaration of “This is it!” when she watched Glitter*Green performance is something I can relate to. That feeling when I’m watching a really good performance that made my heart pound with excitement. Kasumi wants to share this feeling with other people. This led her to finding the most important STAR: Saaya, Tae, Arisa, Rimirin.

In the last ep of S03, Kasumi tells Asuka that the beat of the stars were everyone she met along the way. In her special episode from her Sound Of The Beginning card (Searching For Stars), Kasumi tells us that she wanted to go back to tell her young self that the beating sound of the stars that night wasn’t just a dream. In her search, she found the members of Poppin’Party and all her friends from the other bands.

And because of this, the heartbeat of the stars is not only the guide for Kasumi but for all of PoPiPa too. It is the reason why they came together to play music and it represents the bonds that they share together (STAR BEAT! –Hoshi no Kudou-).

Kasumi’s LIGHT DELIGHT

Kasumi is not always the happy-go-lucky and genki character. She has her moments of doubts and failure too. The SPACE audition arc is important to Kasumi’s character. After hearing from Owner that she was the worst performer out of PoPiPa, she took this failure incredibly hard. She practiced alone in the dark, ruining several picks and cutting her fingers. She became isolated from the rest of band, fixated on improve her skills and losing the reason why she wanted to perform at SPACE in the first place. Kasumi overreacted when Arisa confronted her about it: Why is Kasumi working so hard to perform at SPACE? Was all the pain and hurt from failing worth it? Was it really fun? Kasumi thought that her friends weren’t having fun with her anymore because she was the least skilled. Ultimately, she lost her voice because of this paralyzing fear. However, this was not why any of the members join the band in the first place and Kasumi will finally be on the same page with the rest of PoPiPa when they all share their feelings in park (which led to one of my favourite scenes: them splitting up the lyrics of Mae e Susume and singing the new arrangement together).

There are other instances where Kasumi faced problems that she couldn’t solve with her “pushing forward and hope things work out” attitude: in S02, Tae’s involvement with RAS and her denial that everything would be okay led to their disastrous cultural festival. Of course, this isn’t her fault alone but this was an issue that every member of PoPiPa was in denial about until it was too late. It was something that the whole band needed to overcome together.

Kasumi’s leadership style

Kasumi is a “doer” type of person and her leadership style reflects this. She is the one who pulled the members of PoPiPa together and the one who brought the girls of the Girls Band Party together. As CHU2 said, she is the initiator.

She can be pushy, blind to the feelings of others and too enthusiastic especially at the beginning of the series but she has her friends’ interest at heart. She genuinely wanted to be friends with Arisa despite Arisa’s resistance at first. She listened to Rimirin and respected her decision to not join the band. She pulled Tae into the band with her passion for music and her determination to perform at SPACE despite her skill levels. Kasumi’s fight with Saaya made Saaya realized that she doesn’t have to bear the burden alone. She should be true to her feelings and talk about them with her family and friends.

Yes, her reckless optimism can backfire on her. In Double Rainbow, Kasumi continued to push forward and tried to get Arisa to practice with them as normal, hoping things would work out. Her actions hurt Arisa but Kasumi recognized her mistake and how she crossed a line. However, Saaya told her that Kasumi’s ability to take action, whether it was the right or wrong one, was admirable. Like Tae said, Kasumi was the only one who could pull the band back together.

In S03, Arisa was the one who came up with the plans about how to maximized their votes for Girls Band Challenge but she was hesitant about performing at CiRCLE and DUB out of fear. Kasumi was the one who pull them forward, encouraging PoPiPa to try out new things. The results are not the only important thing but it’s also the memories of the things that they experienced together on the journey.

In Live Beyond!!, we see how Kasumi's actions and attitude influenced those around her. However, this is not a one-way relationship because Kasumi is also influenced by the people around her as well. With the encouragement and support of her friends, she was able to move forward and do her best to help live performances grow alongside the performers. I'd like to describe Kasumi as a sensitive soul. Her interpretation of "lives are like living creatures" took me and even the Owner by surprise. I think the common interpretation of this phrase is that no single live performances are the same even with the same setlist. Each performances will be different and that's how people should experience live performances. So for Kasumi to say that lives are like living creatures and we have to help them grow and change into something better really emphasized how creative and thoughtful she is.

Kasumi’s song writing skills

Kasumi is PoPiPa’s lyricist and we can understand more about her through her songwriting and lyrics. In ‘Someday, A Poem for You’ event, we got to know more about Kasumi’s lyrics-writing process when Lisa asked for advice. Kasumi writes about things that gives her “sparkling and heart-pounding” emotions. She explained that there are a lot of sparkling and heart-pounding things in places that seem completely ordinary. She wants to share these emotions with everyone so they can feel them too. Lisa puts it into simple words: Kasumi changes the way she looks at things to make them shine. We can see a lot of ordinary and mundane things in PoPiPa’s lyrics, for example, in Girl’s Code, Home Street, Kizuna Music, Photograph, etc. Their normal everyday routines are precious for Kasumi and she puts these feelings into her lyrics. “Kasumi is a genius.” – Nakamura-sensei

In ‘Message For You event’, we got another wonderful example of Kasumi’s writing skills in her end of year speech as the representative of the First Years. Kasumi’s usual approach to writing lyrics, capturing the sparkling and heart-pounding feelings from her memories, helped with her speech writing. She went around talking to the friends she made, remembering how she felt during various events and took inspirations from other people’s words. Her speech was the best example of how Kasumi’s mind works. I highly recommend watching/reading Message For You event!

Another example that I want to talk about is Mae e Susume’s lyrics and how it reflects Kasumi’s relationships with other members of PoPiPa. During their first SPACE audition, Kasumi was the sole singer of Mae e Susume. After a discussion with friends, the general consensus was Kasumi wrote the majority of the lyrics. Here we can see how Kasumi viewed her friends and how they inspired her to keep on moving and never give up on reaching their dream of performing at SPACE.

Each of the member’s solo lines in the current version of the song can say a lot about Kasumi’s feelings. She likes Rimirin a lot but she doesn’t push her to do something she’s not ready for (to initially join the band). Her after-school guitar sessions with Tae were the start of their friendship. They bonded through the three chords and Kasumi understands Tae’s passion for music. Her conversation with Saaya under the starry night sky and their promise to sing together someday were important moments for the both of them. And Kasumi’s interactions with Arisa have always made her more honest about herself. Kasumi will realize that while being in a band and playing music can make her feel sparkling and heart-pounding, they are not the only things that make her feel this ways. It’s being with Saaya, Rimirin, Tae and Arisa and doing these things together that makes her even more sparkling and heart-pounding!

Meeting Kasumi has changed my life for the better and I owe her a lot.

[thescreamingraven]

A promise

Dabi x reader

Genre/warnings: Fluff and angst, domestic, slight mentions of injury.

Words:  2 203

Summary:  A promise is something to be kept then why do you insist on breaking it?

“Mom! Daddy’s home” Your daughter screamed at the top of her lungs as she charged to the door. When it opened, Dabi couldn’t even get one foot in your house before she clung to him.

“I’m home.” Dabi smiled softly, picking up his little girl.

You appeared from the kitchen and approached the two of them. “Welcome home.” You cooed gently, reaching up and running your fingers through Dabi’s hair.

It’s been like that for a few years, peaceful and quiet.. It was a bit difficult at first, when you told Dabi you were pregnant and were planning to keep it; he started to avoid you, ignoring your calls and messages, but after some soul searching he came around. You both knew deep down that it was the right thing to do, even if it was going to be difficult.

After that, you both quickly bought a small house together in a safe area outside the city. You took a break from heroism and Dabi stopped going on missions for a while. The nine months were tough with your hormones taking a toll and Dabi being not the most patient person ever, it had an impact on your relationship. Also, the fear of bringing a new life into this corrupted world wasn’t the best either, but here you were… countless sleepless nights later.

Your little girl was almost eight now, which was exciting on its own. She was the perfect picture of her dad. You sometimes wondered if she got any genes from you or was it all her Dabi. Who knew that a hero and villain could create someone so pure, so sweet, so innocent and so loud…

You leaned against your kitchen counter and looked at the two most important people in your life. Your daughter was sitting in Dabi’s lap babbling about her day and showing the pictures you helped her draw. You instinctively touched your stomach. “We need to tell him” You whispered to yourself, rubbing small circles on your stomach.

You decided to try a new recipe you saw online, which proved to be quite a challenge. It was something you never cooked before and the steps were confusing. You massaged your temples and jumped a bit when you felt someone’s arms around you.

“Here, let me help, you must be tired…” Dabi Purred as he took the knife you’ve had in your hands and placed it on the counter after that he gently kissed your cheek

“Well, hello to you too.” You giggled, relaxing into his warmth.

“Your shoulders feel a bit stern.” He said placing a kiss on your shoulder and reaching to get another cutboard from the upper cabinet.

“I’m fine. I didn’t even do that much today.” You mumbled picking up the knife once again.

“Still….” He looked at his daughter who was scribbling something on a piece of paper, from this angle she looked like an angel, deep down he still couldn’t believe that it was his daughter, even if she did look a lot like him. “She can be a little… active sometimes.”

He looked at your phone. “New recipe, huh?”

“Yea thought I’d try cooking something new.”

“How do I… cut this?” You murmured to yourself, holding the knife horizontally.

“If you do that you’ll cut yourself, Hold on, give me your hands,” Dabi said as he once again stood behind you, intertwining his hands with yours and assisting you in cutting.

“Getting handsy, huh?” You teased.

“Don’t get any ideas miss, I’m taken,” He looked at you and nuzzled slightly into your neck “And happily so.”

You giggled, planting a small kiss on his cheek.

“Have you ever cooked this before?” You asked soothingly.

“I cooked something similar, I think… When I was little, I need to help out a lot because of my siblings, so I learned how to cook.” He explained. “I think my mom used to cook something similar.”

“Huh, maybe you should drop this whole villainy thing and become a chef.” You chuckled, turning around to face him.

“Oh yeah, I’ll conquer the world with my amazing cooking skills…” He remarked, pulling you closer.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and scratched his scalp gently. You both looked at your daughter, who was now distracted by the TV.

“You know she’s really excited about her birthday tomorrow.” You chirped.

“Did she ask for that dog again?” He smirked.

Tell him

“You okay?”

Now or never, just spit it out

“She asked for a puppy again.” You mumbled turning your back on him, once again focusing on your dish, Dabi cocked his eyebrow and sighed.

“No, seriously, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” You smiled faintly. “I’m just glad your back is all.”

You glanced at him and saw that he wasn’t going to let this go, so before he could continue pressing the matter, you mumbled. “I think it’s finished… think you can get her?”

He gave you a suspicious look but nodded nonetheless. He walked towards your daughter while you began to set the table.

He sat down near her, patting her head. “Dinners ready.” He cooed softly.

Before she could get up, he gently pulled her into a hug and whispered. “Mommy seems a bit off today, do you know why?”

“No, but,” She hesitated and looked at her father, he gave her a slight nod and she continued “Mommy cried today… I asked her why but she didn’t tell me…”

“I see,” he mumbled. “Well, get your butt to the kitchen.”

“But my drawing…”

“You can finish it later…” He chirped slightly patting her back.

She gave him her drawing “Do you like it?”

“Of course I do now, cmon” He picked her up while her loud giggles filled the room “time to eat.

The dinner went by quietly while your daughter’s favorite cartoons played in the background you and Dabi barely kept any conversation going. The guilt of keeping it from him grew bigger and bigger by the minute.

Dabi could see that you were nervous about something, but decided not to start that kind of discussion in front of your kid. The last thing she needs is to worry about her parents fighting, he thought.

When the dinner ended, you suggested washing the dishes while Dabi put your daughter to sleep. It didn’t take you that long to finish and the stars outside looked so gorgeous tonight, so you decided to go get some fresh air and do some soul searching, so you put on Dabi’s jacket and your shoes and stepped outside. The night was warm with no trail of wind anywhere; the crickets were loudly chirping. You looked up at the sky and got lost in it; it was difficult not to, There were so many stars, different sizes, ones brighter than the others. You were so overwhelmed by the night’s sky that you didn’t even notice Dabi coming up to you and leaning down on the porch next to you.

“Have room for one more?”

You jumped slightly.

“Sorry didn’t see you there…” You gasped.

“But Yes, I think there’s one more free spot right here.” You teased, tapping the railing, signaling him to get closer, and he did. He wrapped one of his hands around you and pulled you in.

“She’s something else huh..?” He quietly mumbled, “Hell, I still can’t believe that’s she’s ours… we made her…”

With a sigh, he gently turned your face so you would meet his gaze.

“Tell me what’s wrong”

Before you could say anything he quickly interrupted, “Don’t say nothing, I know you well enough to know when something is bothering you.”

You let your head fall, scared to meet his gaze.

“Were you going to tell me?” You asked with simple directness. “About the mission.”

“Oh…” He sighed. “You heard that…”

You gave him a sad smile “Yeah,” You finally lifted your head facing his piercing blue eyes.

“You never keep things for me….” You murmured. “So wh-?”

”Your doctor left you a voicemail.” he said with a casual tone. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

He saw your expression change like lighting, and the look of guilt replaced any frustration you might have had.

He’s going to leave you.

You should’ve told him before it was too late.

“I…” You signed, “I was going to tell you…”

“When?”

You hesitated. “Soon…?”

“Bullshit,” He snapped. “two months Y/n, that’s a long time. And you know what’s worse, I had to find out from your doctor… and on accident too.”

“I’m sorry.” You Sniffled. “I just…” Suddenly it became all too overwhelming, and you began to sob. “I thought… I thought maybe, you didn’t want it… and maybe you’d leave… like l-last time”

He saw you break down before his eyes. “Y/n…” He pulled you into his warm embrace, slowly messaging your back.

“Look at me.” He cupped your cheeks and made you face him. “I want this… alright?”

“R- really?”

“Yes, of course, I do…” He cooed softly, wiping away your tears with his thumb. “you’re not getting rid of me that easily. And besides, I’m happy that our little angel will get a sibling, maybe she’ll calm down a bit.” He smiled.

“I just wish you’ve told me…” He pressed a gentle kiss on your forehead. “Let’s go inside, we wouldn’t want you to get sick now would we.”

You lay entangled in Dabi’s arms, feeling his slow and calm heartbeat, while he draws small circles on your back.

“So is it dangerous?” You finally broke the silence.

“No, just some basic stuff. Don’t worry, it won’t take that long… I’ll be home before morning. It will be like I never left.”

You lifted your head from Dabi’s chest.

“You know she’ll be crushed if you don’t come.” You murmured, nuzzling away a stray of hair from his face.

“I will, I promise, I’ll come back to you… and when I do…” we can both go pick up that mutt she keeps babbling on about.”

You repeated confusingly. “Mutt?” You giggled. “You got her a dog.”

“Quiet,” He shushed.

“You’re such a softie Toya… where did my big evil villain go?” You teased.

“Shut up you snot,” He pressed your head back on his chest “it’s your fault you know you did this,” he retorted.

Before sleep could overtake, you whispered something to him.

“I love you… please come back to me…”

“I love you too Y/n, and I will that’s a promise”

After that, you slowly drifted away to a deep slumber.

Half of the city laid in ashes, the street where Dabi was thrown during his little encounter only had one street light left. He slowly began to crawl to a nearby boulder thrown by none other than Endeavor himself. It was supposed to be a simple low-key mission; they needed to retrieve some supplies from one of their warehouses. How did something so insignificant attract the hero’s attention?

“I know you’re there, old man, you can come out. Noth-” He winced in pain, trying to at least slow down the bleeding. “I can’t really do anything now.”

He could see two figures approaching him, yet even in the dead of night, he knew who they were.

“You know I never thought that Shoto would-” he coughed.

“But you did it, you actually did it.” He chuckled.

Both figures quickly appeared before him, kneeling down next to him, talking about something Dabi could barely understand. He looked at Shoto, who was seemed to be panicking. “We need to get him help.” Endeavor stated while wrapping something around Dabi’s torso.

“I knew this day would come… eventually, I just didn’t expect you to-” Dabi began to cough drastically.

“Stop talking, son, and save your strength.” Endeavor advised.

“He’s bleeding out fast.” Shoto shuddered while trying to keep constant pressure on the wound. “Keep your eyes open, Toya. “Shoto pleaded.

“You’re such a softie Toya… where did my big evil villain go?”

Dabi tried to push himself up, mumbling something under his breath, but Shoto stopped him. “I can’t die here… I promised her… I-” Dabi started to tremble.

“I think he’s confused.” Shoto blurted.

“I love you… please come back to me…”

“Just hold on alright? We’ll get you some help.” Endeavor comforted.

Dabi could feel himself getting colder, he could feel himself slipping away. So he made a decision. He pulled Endeavor closer by his collar.

“Listen, you old bastard.” he coughed. “124th. Cherry street.”

Endeavor stared at him, confused and dumbfounded, not knowing what to do.

“Repeat it to me.” Dabi barked.

“124th. Cherry street.”

“Good. If I don’t make it Keep them safe for me…” Dabi winced in pain. “And tell…. tell, ” Dabi mumbled something under his breath, before slowly passing out.

The sound of the sirens was blocked by Shotos screaming and Endeavor murmuring something like a chant or prayer. Yet the only thing that Dabi could hear was the voices that sounded almost angelic. They pulled him deeper into the darkness like sirens luring him into a song he could never leave.

“I love you… please come back to me…”

“I love you too Y/n, and I will, that’s a promise”

[softsebnbuckystan]

Soul ties - Part 7 (Bucky Barnes au)

“You had a speech, you're speechless

Love slipped beyond your reaches”

"Steve told me about what happened. Are you okay?"

"Sure. Don't worry, Bruce," you said as you looked through the microscope. "We have work to do."

"This doesn't mean we can't talk about it if you need to."

You watched him mixing chemicals with hesitant hands. "This should work, by the way. I think I found the right..."

"What? The right what?"

"Shit," he muttered as foam started forming at the surface of the liquid. "We need to leave. Now, Y/n!"

Bruce ran towards you and dragged you out of the lab, closing the fire door. You were still right in front of it when the explosion went off, deafening you for a few seconds. You looked around you, wondering why no one else was freaking out about the lab blowing up.

"Y/n, hey, it's fine."

You looked around you. You were hearing Bruce again, but where was he? You pulled your hair, tears running down your face and your heart beating out of your chest. Everything seemed blurry and dangerous. Why wasn't anyone scared?

"I'll go get someone." That wasn't Bruce. Who? All you knew was it was a woman's voice.

You fell to your knees : why didn't they hurt?

"It's okay, I'm here. Breathe." You knew this voice. Of course you did. Why weren't you able to see whoever had spoken? Your vision was less blurry than before, but still... You couldn't think straight.

"Here. Do you feel my hands?"

A pressure on both your shoulders encouraged you to nod. You did feel hands on your shoulders. Looking up, you recognised his long dark hair, then the two blue orbs staring at you.

"Breathe in, slowly. You got this."

"Wh- what's happening?"

"Nothing bad. Just breathe. I got you."

Your feet left the ground as Bucky carried you somewhere. Your breathing was fast, just like his pace. You laid your hand on his chest, instantly feeling his heartbeat under your palm. It was so much slower than yours. You closed your eyes, shifting all your focus on this single heartbeat, doing your best to forget about yours.

"Okay, I'm sitting you down right now. You can open your eyes, it's fine."

You couldn't let go of him. You must've been grabbing his shirt really hard, because he decided to sit down next to you and keep holding you. When you opened your eyes again, you were surrounded by billions of stars. The familiar room soothed you, and so did Bucky's presence at your side. Your breathing calmed down progressively.

"Thank you," you whispered. "What happened? The lab exploded and...nobody cared. Is everyone okay? Did Bruce get out?"

"It was a minor lab malfunction. It was a minor explosion. No one got hurt."

"Minor? No, it was...it was so loud." Unwelcome memories were flashing before your eyes and you shook your head to drive them away. "It was like Sokovia all over again."

"Oh, alright... Look at me." You tilted your head up and met with his blue eyes. "You had a panic attack. It made you feel everything stronger. That happens, okay?"

"Does it? Do you have those to?"

He nodded with a sigh. "They're normal. After what you went through..."

"What gave you yours?" You bit your cheek. "Sorry. I just...when whatever this was happened, I saw them again. My parents. The bomb making our rooftop fall over their bodies. It was..."

"Hey, I'm here now." Bucky hugged you tighter and you gave in to the embrace. Damn, being close to him made you forget about everything else. "I have those in the middle of the night, sometimes. Whether it's because I remember something H.Y.D.R.A made me do or a nightmare waking me up, they're always like what you went through here. Thing is, you don't have to go through those alone."

You hesitated before taking his hand.

"H.Y.D.R.A.? As in...the ones that did those things to Wanda and Pietro?"

"Yeah."

"I didn't know they'd done those things to you too. I'm sorry."

Bucky gave you a weak smile before looking down at your joined hands.

"They're the one who gave me the arm. I mean, not this one, but...that's them. The super soldier serum, too."

"I'm guessing they didn't make you fight the Nazis..."

"I fought for them." He looked away, letting go of your hand. You furrowed your brows and grabbed it back.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that," you said. "But you're back now. Alive."

"At what cost, though?"

"We wouldn't have met." You blushed instantly after saying that sentence. "I mean..."

"No, you're right." He looked back at you as he leaned his head against the wall behind you. "Sometimes I just feel like I can't get rid of what's left of them. I can't be the old me again."

You waited before saying anything back, putting some orders in your thoughts. "I never knew the old you. But I like who you are now."

Bucky paused for a moment, scrutinising your face as if searching for a lie. "I still feel, look too much like...like him. The arm was a first change, but..."

"It's not that easy. I get it. Just...know that's okay, too. It takes time to heal."

--- Two days later

"Look who's up, if that isn't the birthday girl!" Sam exclaimed as he handed you a cup of coffee. You'd just walked into the kitchen and you already had a smile on your face. "Happy birthday."

"Thanks, dude."

"And look who woke up hours ago? Damn, y'all have messed up sleep schedules."

"Shut up, Sam," you and Bucky said in unison, causing you both to laugh a little.

You hadn't heard from Darren in two days, but you weren't feeling that down about it anymore. You'd been getting to know Bucky more and seeing him laugh along with you and Sam as the sun rays hit his profile felt like home.

"Happy birthday, by the way."

"Thanks, Bucky." You smiled to him but looked away pretty fast – this might or might not have anything to do with Sam looking at you with a grin.

"Anyway," he says, "I hope you're not busy working with Banner today because-"

Your phones buzzed, and the three of you read the name of the expeditor. You hesitated before you grabbed your phone and read the text Darren had sent you.

"Got plans for your birthday?"

"It's not what I wished he'd said...but it's a start, I guess." You let out a sigh, pondering what to respond with.

"Before that husband of yours interrupted me, I was actually telling you about your plans for the day, lady."

"Really? And what are those plans exactly, bird guy?"

"First, don't call me that or else I cancel the stripper Nat hired for you."

"The what?" You almost spat out your coffee, triggering Sam's laugh and bringing an amused smile to Bucky's face.

"I'm kidding, Y/n. We did plan a party, but no stripper. Sorry."

"You'll be the death of me. But thank you for doing that for me." You shook  your head as you end up laughing along. Your mood darkened a bit when you read the text again. "Should I tell him to come?"

"If you want to." Sam shrugged. "Just remember how he talked to you the other day, and don't be too nice with him, alright?"

"What about this : I do, actually. It's up to you to show up tonight at the compound, if you really want to be there or not." Bucky tilted his head to the side before he nodded. "Okay, sent. Now what can I help with, for tonight?"

"Nothing! Bucky's picking up the cake last minute tonight, and Scott and I are in charge of the playlist."

"Then I'm sure it'll be a sick playlist. In a good way, of course."

"You like his music taste?" Bucky asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Stop bickering, the two of you. And as a matter of fact, yes!" You chuckled  at the thought of tonight's party. "Who will be there, by the way?"

"Pretty much everyone. Nat's coming back from D.C. for the occasion and Tony and Pepper said they'd come too. I think Sharon said she'd be there, and..."

"Ooooh, that'll make Steve happy," you chimed in.

"Don't say that in front of him. They kissed once and he's not even allowing us to tease him about it."

"He's no fun," you complained.

"I heard that!" Steve shouted from the other room.

"Go see elsewhere if we care, old man!" Sam laughed at your comeback, and you heard Steve chuckle as well.

Damn, your birthday was off to a good start. You could only hope that feeling would last.

-- I KNOW it's getting long, but bear with me and I promise you won't regret where these two will take you! I'm starting to think this will be 15 parts long max. Might be shorter too. Let me know what you thought about this part!

P.S. – Tell me if you want to be added to the tag list !

Tag list :

@ginger-swag-rapunzel @joscelyn02 @coniumalces @bluemoon-icecream @lady-loki-ren

[hellotvshowtrash]

Angel

Requested by @elijahs-wife​ : Hi Ashlee!! Could you write a fic using the prompt "I think I'm in love with you and I'm terrified"? Sending love 💗💗

A/N: TEHANI THANK YOU FOR THE REQUEST ily 💗 I’m sorry this took me a little bit!! I wanted it to be something worth posting! I’m still iffy on it. 

I don’t think I will never NOT be terrified to send something out into the void, so please like/reblog if you enjoyed!! and if you want to read any more from me, feel free to send me a request! I love all our mikaelson boys (except Finn tbh sorry) so i’m down to write for more than just Elijah!

Elijah Mikaelson x female!reader

Word count: 2,970

tw: kind of sad, mentions of being an orphan, not a whole lot!

credit to the gif creator!!

Elijah stood in the crowd, absentmindedly sipping his champagne while listening in on different conversations. Laughter bubbled throughout the compound at another Mikaelson ball. He sighed and made his way to find his brother. He heard Klaus from far off, bickering with Hope about the dress she had chosen for the night.

"Dad, it's my birthday ball. I should be able to wear what I want!" She huffed. Elijah turned the corner into one of the various hallways of the compound, coming around to see the father and daughter facing off.

He chuckled, "Children, please," he said, eyeing Hope's admittedly short dress. Her hair was curled and she sported a sky blue cocktail dress. "Although your father may have a point," Elijah stated, raising an eyebrow.

Klaus gestured to Elijah, "Thank you, brother!" He exclaimed.

"I'm 18! I'm going to wear whatever I want," Hope said, storming into the party with finality. Elijah walked closer to his brother, putting a hand on his shoulder, stifling a laugh.

"She is very strong-willed, like her father," He said, raising his champagne flute to his lips. Klaus glared at his brother and sighed. "She has a point though. She is a young woman now. Just give her this one night to do and wear what she wants." The men turned and departed the hallway, heading back into the party. Klaus grabbed a champagne flute and headed to stand on a flight of stairs. Elijah stood at the base, looking into the crowd again.

"May I have your attention!" Klaus called out into the large room, "I would like to say a few words about my daughter, Hope." Klaus smiled down at her as he began his speech. Elijah continued to scan the room. His brother's voice faded from his ears when his eyes landed on a woman amongst the crowd, standing with his sister Freya. She was beautiful, wearing a blush coloured, floor-length dress. Her Y/C/H hair flowing down her back in an elegantly curled braid. She beamed up at Klaus as he gave his heartfelt speech about Hope. Elijah felt an unfamiliar sensation in his chest, a feeling he hadn't felt in a very, very long time.

In unison, the crowd lifted their glasses and cheered, "To Hope!" The woman put her glass to her full, pink lips. The room erupted into conversation and movement, and Elijah lost sight of her. As if jogged from a trance, Elijah put his champagne on the nearest surface and began searching the crowd once more. He pushed passed strangers and friends alike to get to where he had spotted her. He broke through the other side of the crowd, looking around for her or Freya. He found the two making their way around the outskirts of the party, talking and laughing together. He took a second to compose himself, putting his left hand in his suit pants pocket. Taking a deep breath, he followed after her.

"Good evening," he said casually, coming up behind the two women. They turned and Freya greeted him with a smile and a warm hug. The stranger stood by with a polite smile on her face.

"Elijah! I was wondering when I'd see you," she pulled away and turned to the woman next to her. "Y/N, this is my brother, Elijah." Freya smiled at Y/N.

"Hello, Elijah," She greeted, extending her hand. Rather than shaking it, Elijah took her hand and raised it to his lips, kissing it softly. Blush crept up Y/N's cheeks as Freya's eyebrows raised.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Elijah said, not taking his eyes off her Y/E/C ones. "May I have this dance?" He heard her heartbeat quicken as she gave a small nod, letting Elijah gently tug her to the dance floor.

"I guess I'll just hang out here! By myself!" Freya called after them, huffing to herself.

--

Y/N was a New Orleans French Quarter witch. That was how she and Freya had met and became friends. Y/N had started coming around the compound more and more frequently over the following weeks, becoming closer to the Original family. Rosie cheeks and stolen glances at Elijah filled her visits under the excuse of hanging out with Freya. She loved her friend, truly, but she couldn't get her mind off of the oldest Mikaelson brother. He, on the other hand, seemed to distance himself from her after his first introduction. She had hoped that she didn't offend him in some way. “Maybe I’m just not his type,“ She thought to herself.

"Y/N?" Freya's voice sounded in Y/N's head, jogging her from her thoughts.

"What, I'm sorry?" She looked at her friend, confused. They were sitting on a couch located in the library of the compound, pulling a late-night together. Her thoughts of Elijah had distracted her mid-conversation.

Freya rolled her eyes. "I asked if you'd like to come to the Halloween party we're throwing here this weekend. Hope wants it to be a big event, and you know Klaus would do anything to keep her happy." Freya smiled at Y/N.

Y/N nodded, thinking about the father/daughter relationship Hope and Klaus had brought a sad smile to her face. She was glad Hope would have the love of family throughout her life. Y/N was alone in New Orleans, growing up in different foster homes and halfway houses. Her real family unknown to her, she had been tossed from house to house because of the unexplainable things that happened around her. Until she met Vincent, back when he was still married to Eva Sinclair. He taught Y/N about what living in New Orleans really meant for people like her. He made her feel like she belonged.

"I'd love to come! Costume party?" Y/N asked, sipping tea from her mug.

Freya nodded, "Hope wouldn't have it any other way."

–

Elijah rolled his eyes. "I will not be wearing a costume. I believe I may just stay behind and let you all enjoy the fun," He said to Hope and Klaus. Hope was trying on her little red riding hood costume for the party that night when she turned and glared at Elijah.

"Come on, Uncle Elijah. Auntie Bex is! I even got dad some devil horns that he's going to wear, right dad?" She looked over at Klaus who grimaced and looked at Elijah pleadingly.

"Yes, darling, I'll wear them," He said, defeated. Hope smiled and looked back at Elijah. Elijah shook his head again, turning to exit the room.

"Y/N will be there," Hope exclaimed as he walked toward the door. Elijah stopped in his tracks and closed his eyes, sighing. She knew that would get him to come. He wasn’t as good at hiding his feelings as he thought he was, or maybe Hope was just perceptive. Hope smiled triumphantly to herself as she turned back to the mirror to look at her costume once more, perfecting the details.

--

Y/N entered the compound, her dress flurrying around her as she was met by a large crowd of people. The sun had set and the party was in full swing. The Mikaelson’s sure know how to throw a rager, she thought to herself. She walked farther into the crowd, her dress and cloak billowing around her. She headed toward the bar, keeping her eyes peeled for Freya.

"There you are!" Freya's voice came from behind her, muffled by the music. Y/N turned and saw her friend dressed in a bright pink dress, star wand in hand with a large crown atop her head. Y/N stifled a laugh at the sight.

"And what are you supposed to be?" Y/N said over the music.

Freya frowned, "What, you don't get it? I'm Glinda! You know, from The Wizard Of Oz?" She flourished her wand in Y/N's face and laughed.  Freya was already a few drinks in. "Who are you supposed to be?" She asked, her words slightly slurred.

Y/N looked down at her costume, and back up to Freya. "I'm Sarah Sanderson! From Hocus Pocus," Y/N twirled in her spot. She and Freya giggled as Y/N spun. Mid-spin, she spotted Elijah coming down the stairs and her breath hitched in her throat. She didn't take Elijah for the costume type, so she hadn't expected him to be here tonight.

He looked absolutely regal in his black suit and tie. Large white angels wings sprouted from his back. He looked around the room while coming down the stairs, not yet seeing Y/N. Freya followed Y/N's gaze and saw Elijah.  She drunkenly put an arm around Y/N's shoulder.

"You know, I think you have a thing for my brother," She accused. Y/N blushed, turning away from the angel.

"I'm the last person he would be interested in if I was," Y/N cast one last look his way before turning back to the bar, ordering a drink. "Let's get this party started," She said to her friend, giving her a smile. She reminded herself to not get attached. Everyone leaves eventually.

--

Y/N and Freya were joined by Rebekah, but they couldn't quite tell who she was dressed as. All they could tell was that it was tight and it was spandex. The three danced and drank in the middle of the party, not a care in the world. Elijah watched from the bar protectively. Something about this woman was so magnetic, so charming. He couldn't bring himself to admit that there was a flame ignited in his heart at the sight of her. He doesn't let people in. She's a mortal witch, her life span was the blink of an eye compared to his. No, he wouldn't let himself get attached. She would see him for the monster he was. He turned to mingle with the crowd, although he never let the three women leave his line of sight.

Y/N was having the time of her life with her friends, drunkenly dancing the night away.

“I’m going to go grab more drinks!” She slurred to the other two girls. They cheered in response as she turned and stumbled toward the bar. She caught the bartender's attention and ordered. He returned with three shot glasses and she thanked him, turning to get back to dancing. Before she could take a step, she collided with someone.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” She cried, slurring her words. She stumbled back to look at the person she collided with, finding the handsome angel she had been eyeing earlier. He pursed his lips, wiping the front of his suit with his handkerchief. “Elijah,” she gasped, “I am so sorry, let me he-”

“Do not bother, Y/N,” he said, holding his hand up. He glared in her direction, not looking in her eyes. She gulped at his response.

“Please, let me make it up to you,” She tried dipping her head to catch his eye. He turned and motioned to the bartender for more shots.

“Have a pleasant evening,” He nodded curtly at her and turned to walk away, leaving her standing there, unsure of what just happened. Anger flared in her chest as she watched the angel walk away. She grabbed one of the shots that the bartender had set out and downed it quickly. Taking the other two to her friends, she let the music take her away, continuing to party.

-

The night continued on and the party began to thin out, while the three girls in the center of the dance floor kept going, laughing and dancing. Elijah had kept his eyes on them, amazed at how the two witches could keep up with the vampire. Elijah looked around at the few stragglers left, sitting around drunkenly talking to one another. He made his way across the compound, heading towards the stairs to head up to his room for the night. The music was quieter now,  not as upbeat. Y/N saw him moving across the dance floor and stumbled as fast as she could to get in front of him.

“Elijah,” She slurred,  “Please let me apologize for earlier. Dance with me!” She scooped him away before he could object, wrapping her arms around his neck, not letting him leave.

“Y/N I-” He started, but she shushed him, swaying to the music.

“Elijah I know you don’t like me that much, and I don’t know why but I just want to let you know that I’m sorry for spilling those drinks on you and I’m sorry for making you hate me for whatever reason,” she drunkenly let her head fall on his chest while she spoke, her eyes fluttering shut.

Elijah’s eyes widened at her speech, his hands falling to rest on her back. She hummed at his touch and smiled, eyes still closed. “Y/N… I apologize for making you feel that way, that was not my intention.” He looked down at her, “I just wanted to keep you safe,” He whispered.

Suddenly Y/N slumped into him, dropping like dead weight. Elijah reacted quickly and scooped her up, seeing she had passed out. He looked toward Freya and Rebecca who had already fallen asleep on the couch, snuggling into each other. His heart warmed at the sight of his sisters together. He refocused on the beautiful woman in his arms and began to climb the stairs, heading toward his room. He gently opened the door and crossed the room, laying her in the bed and covering her up. She adjusted into the comfort of the bed, grabbing Elijah’s hand as he slid his arms out from underneath her.

“Stay with me?” she mumbled. His heart softened and he silently agreed, stripping out of his wings and suit jacket. He crossed to the other side of the bed and slid into it, careful not to touch her. She turned to him and opened her eyes slightly. “Will you hold me?” she asked quietly. Tears brimmed her eyes.

He nodded and opened his arms to her, confused and worried. “What’s wrong, darling?” He whispered.

She moved into his open arms and placed her head on his chest, wrapping one arm around the front of him tightly. He felt his shirt dampen where her head lay. He held her close, rubbing one hand up and down her back, waiting for a response. He felt her start to tremble next to him.

“I think I’m in love with you, and I’m terrified,” she whispered into him. She let out a small cry, scared of his reaction. “I’m terrified you’ll hate me for telling you. I’m terrified you’ll leave if we do end up together. I’m terrified of everything falling apart. I’m terrified of people leaving.”

Elijah’s heart cracked at her words.

“Y/N.. I think I’m terrified to admit the feelings I have for you. I wish nothing more than for your safety and happiness,” He kissed her hair and he felt her relax in his arms. She had fallen asleep on him, inebriated and vulnerable. Elijah held her for the rest of the night, stroking her hair and cherishing the moment.

-

When morning came, Y/N thought her head would explode. She groaned and rolled over, putting her hands over her face. The bed was empty beside her. How did she get in the bed? Her memory was fuzzy, but she remembered large white wings and strong arms carrying her. She sat up in bed, suddenly panicked, realizing who’s room she was in. What else had happened? She concentrated, squeezing her eyes shut.  “I wish nothing more than for your safety and happiness,“ She remembered hearing his deep voice whisper to her before she fell asleep. Her heart thudded heavily in her chest. Had she dreamt of this confession? Did her drunken subconscious trick her into hearing his voice?

Someone cleared their throat in the doorway, startling her. She looked up to see Elijah holding a tray with water, aspirin, eggs, and toast. She blushed intensely, trying to brush her hair down and make herself look decent. He smiled at her warmly. “Good morning. I apologize for startling you,” He said. He crossed the room to her, putting the tray on the nightstand and sitting on the bed next to her.

He stared into her eyes, warmth flooding his chest. “It wasn’t a dream,” he said quietly, confirming her silent hope. He heard her heart flutter at his words.

Tears brimmed her eyes again. She bit her lip and looked down at her hands. “What does this mean for us?” She whispered.

He reached out and moved her chin to look at him. “It means I love you.” He smiled at her. Tears spilled onto her cheeks as she smiled and leaned forward, closing the space between them. She kissed him with no regard for the world around them. Her hands moved to his neck, tangling in his chestnut hair. He pulled her close, deepening the kiss and laying her on the bed. The eggs and toast got cold before Y/N got to them.

-

“I’ve been wanting this since you asked me to dance that night.” Y/N said, playing with Elijah’s hand as they laid side by side. “I haven’t been able to get you out of my head.” She smiled.

He adjusted to put his arm around her and pulled her close, kissing her head. “You will never have to be terrified again. I am here and I’m not leaving you. You have my word.” He moved her chin with his free hand to gaze into her Y/E/C eyes. He kissed her again, hoping to convey his pent up love and lust in one kiss. He knew he’d never be able to make her understand the depths of his affection for her. Just as he knew he may never know the extent of hers for him.

She pulled away slightly and whispered, “I love you and I’m not terrified anymore.”

[san-station]

Come home • Hwang Hyunjin

Pairing: Hwang Hyunjin x Reader

WARNING: kinda angst?

↝Word count: 2k

A/N: Imagine it's around 1940 - 1950

You were slowly dancing in the living room, all alone, while the jazz music from the record player flowed through the house into your ears, making you breath in a small bubble of nostalgic and happiness. Your beloved friend, Seungmin, was taking care of your children, well informed of the special evening so you decided to embrace yourself with your traditional ritual. 

You arrived home pretty late, tired of working all day, although, the warm feeling of your home inviting you to relax on that special day was very promising, so nothing could stop you from opening that bottle of red wine, taking off your hurtful shoes and setting the music up. It brought you a bit of tranquility in a whole industrialized country where working was the first priority for safety.

You glanced at every little detail around you, the shelves where pictures and some toys rested, paintings that your children did gathered over the floor, promises made on those walls that will never be true… and so, you finally saw it. It was a small velvet box covered with a few dust particles. You slowly stepped near it and grabbed it with your free hand. 

You sighed and opened.  

It’s a special evening, you remembered. 

“March 20th. 

Today is a special day, right? How are you doing? Are you eating well? This nostalgic is sickening the walls from our place, darling. Can you imagine the green walls getting darker and darker each time we say your name? We know you probably won’t read this on time but… happy birthday! It’s the first one away from us… How does it feel? Do you miss us? Sure you do, mister 'I love mi family so much I'll die for them'. That letter was cute, to be honest.

Anyway, remember we’re happy for you! Oh, and Rodie wrote a poem for you, it says ‘One day I’ll be tall, one day I’ll be strong, one day I’ll be like you, that day might be soon’. Isn’t it cute?! He misses you so much, I really hope you’re okay. Stay safe and you’ll come home very soon. 

Yours forever, 

Y/N ”

~

“April 19th.

Today, Rodie wanted to go stargazing, he said he saw a shooting star and wished you were here. Then, he cried because he was pretty sure that saying the wish out loud won’t make it happen, but I made sure to let him know that we will see you soon, Jinnie! You know... while I looked at the stars, all I could think was you, you and your beauty, you and your kindness, you and only you...

Your eyes are watching the same sky as we are, did you know? So basically we’re all stargazing together!  We still have this, tho haha.

You’re the brightest star of all the galaxy, darling. Also, thanks for your letter and the little poem, Rodie was bragging about it at school all the week, even the teacher said he should stop but he’s a proud boy showing how much you care about him. 

Anyway, stay safe.

Yours forever, 

Y/N.”

~

 “April 27th

I got fever for the whole week, Jinnie, my sister took care of me the whole time, don’t worry! Yet, as I was sleeping with the delusional heat, I suddenly felt your warm arms around my waist, back hugging me while we sleep. I could listen to your heartbeat, and I was trying to match mine with yours. And I heard you whispered that you'll be here soon! Was it all a dream? I wish you were here.

Sometimes I dream you’d touch my belly and ask if I'm doing okay, if we are doing okay. And I’d say that you don’t need to worry about the growing life that’s getting stronger everyday inside of me, we've been through this before, this is just another round!

  I didn’t want to wake up, however, Rodie asked to write you something again since we didn’t received a response from the previous one. He says ‘Dad! Did you know that elephants can’t jump?! And that pandas can be 12 hours eating?! I once ate for three hours because mom’s food is awful but I couldn’t throw it away, I love her too much... When are you coming home? Uncle Chan just arrived and he said he was with you for a couple of days but you had to go to another place… Where are you know? Take care, goodnight, Dad!’ 

He learned a lot today… I hope you’re doing fine and come home soon, love. We’ll wait for your letter. 

Yours forever, 

Y/N and Rodie.”

~

“May 14th

Your best friend Chan came home today, he says I’m getting fatter and I almost punched him in the face. Well, he’s not wrong, I hope you’d be here when the time comes. 

Some days I miss you more than others, but some days I miss myself more than you… I can’t recognize myself in the mirror if you’re not here, my love. Rodie wakes up every morning asking for his daddy but he knows you’re doing your best. Be safe, Jinnie… We love you.

Yours forever,

Y/N. "

~

“May 25th

Once again I’m standing here with my tainted fingers, today is colder than yesterday but warmer than the day before… I keep searching for answers to an unsaid question, and all I can think about is you, your soft lips against my cheeks, your bright smile making my heart skip beats, your loud laugh catching everyone’s attention, your sweet voice asking me to dance with you even if there was no music playing… Gosh, even if you're not here I fall in love more and more with you. I miss you...

We’re waiting for you, my love. It’s been a while since we got one of your letters but I’m certain you’re getting ours… We love you! Come home!

Yours forever,

Y/N.”

~

“June 30th

Today… Today was a nightmare, Hyunjin. I couldn't bring myself to write this but ... I found a letter at the mail station a month ago, it was from someone called Seungmin, he said you worked together for a while… I waited a month to write this but here it is. 

I’ll never forget you for doing this, Hyunjin. My heart is broken, I don’t think my tears will ever stop from falling, I feel like dying whenever I look at your pictures and… I can’t do this anymore.  Even when I know you’ll never read this, I need to write to you because, someday, this feelings would get to you in a way, meanwhile, I’ll let myself suffer because of what you did...

Yours,

Y/N.”

~

“July  6th

I yelled at Rodie today… He was demanding to see you but I can’t, not now. Chan visited us, he told me to stay strong but how? Does he even know how much a broken heart can swell and tear you apart from the pain? Does he know how difficult it is to breath when your chest is constantly on fire? It’s killing me inside every second, Hyunjin. I don’t want this, I don’t like to feel this way when I know you can’t feel anything… I don’t want to tell Chan how I feel… I… I’m broken because of you. 

Y/N.”

~

“July 13th

My sister looked at my belly and she cried��� You made my sister cry, Hwang Hyunjin… You make me cry every single time of the day… I know you probably would be so sad knowing this, knowing you’re the reason I walk numbly from a place to another, the reason why Rodie can’t sleep, the reason why Chan and my sister have to take care of us. I said I don’t need their help but they insisted, they always do.

Now we’re having a beautiful dinner with your favorite food, my speciality… I miss you, and I know someday I’ll feel better, but right know I want to die slowly and painfully, it would hurt less than this mess. 

Y/N.”

~

“July 19th 

I finally stopped crying, Jinnie… but everything feels wrong. It feels… empty… my heart… 

Rodie won’t talk to me anymore after we fought, he speaks more to Chan than me. I don’t know what to do and I know you won’t answer, but… what should I do? 

Oh, we met Seungmin today, he visited us supresily. He’s kind. He told us about your stories together. After he left, I cried one more time… Listening how considerate you were with him… I love you. 

You know? This is not what I asked for. If you would ask, I would give all for rewriting an ending or two for the family that I knew, for the girl I used to be… For being yours one more time. 

Yours forever?

Y/N.”

~

“September 16th

Hi… Her name is Sam. Did you remember when we were joking about that name? I must say, she deserves that name. She looks like me, but she has your little mole below her eye and I kissed it, they same way I used to kiss yours. Congratulations, Jinnie, you have a daughter! (...)”

The music stopped playing a while ago, and the only sound filling the house was your little sobbs reminiscing the whole escenario. 

 “Ugh…  

I can’t do this anymore... “ 

~

“December 24th

Rodie wrote a letter to Santa. He asked for his dad, he asked to turn back time and stopped this, but he realized destiny is very machiavellian and sometimes, wishes won’t come true. 

By the way… Your friend Seungmin, he volunteered to take care of us, he said he owned you this for saving his life one time, he’s really generous. He saw how lonely I was and he’s trying to put a smile on my face, but only Sam and Rodie can do that. Sam, Rodie and you.

The idea of you still next to us as a family... that hunts me everyday. How beautiful would that be? Sam would climb to your back till she can see everything from your height. Rodie would make me chase him and ask for ice cream, and I’ll eventually buy ice cream for everyone… Hyunjin, I miss you so freaking much… this is just so unfair...

Yours forever,

Y/N, Rodie and Sam.”

~

“December 31st

Hyunjin, happy new year… The war is over! I miss you more than I miss the old me, now, when I look at the mirror, sometimes I don’t even know who’s the one in front of me, all I know is that my heart belongs to you and will always be yours. Sam is getting bigger every month! She started to make weird baby noises trying to repeat my voice. Also, she loves music! She moves her little body when we play music.

We all wish you were here. This is the first December without you. I can't keep asking you this because is impossible... Come home, baby.

Missing you,

Your family. "

~

“February 14th

Rodie got lots of candies from a lot of girls and boys in his class! They said he looked like his handsome father and they’re not lying, my love. Happy Valentine's Day.

This is going to be one of the last letters I’ll write for you, not because I don’t love you anymore, ok? It’s because I think it’s time to keep the good memories we made in my head, my safeplace. And writing this is a reminder of you being gone. I don't like that, you're here with me.

I took Sam and Rodie to the first place we met, the college cafeteria! Rodie hated it for a second, then he got a lot of attention and felt like the prince he is. Sam slept all the time placed in my chest, I love her… she’s so calm… I wish she knew how much her father loved her without even being born… We love you, Hyunjin.

Yours forever,

Hwang Family.” 

~

“March 20th

Happy birthday, my love! 

I know you can’t love me anymore, but you did it once and, for me, it meant the whole world. So, now. my love for you stays still as if it was the first time we said ‘I love you’... I was shaking so much that day… Thank you for loving me the way you did, thank you for giving me the opportunity to raise a family next to you. You’re gone, but you’ll always be in our hearts and minds, I’ll be sure to talk to Sam about you non-stop. 

You broke my heart by losing your life that day. I know it was for your country… that doesn’t mean you lost your family or friends, we will always remember your laugh, your face, your warmth, your cute smile, your bright eyes, the ways words came easily from your mouth, the way you showed your love so intense, the way you existed was... wholesome.

I love you, Hwang Hyunjin… And, like the old times… 

Please,

Come home.

Your one and only.”

(....)

Masterlist

[godlydolans]

Tumblr won't let me answer this ask so I'm doing it this way-Pt.3

This is some star-crossed lovers shit that I cry over! I argue with my parents about the whole marrying into your own caste bullshit almost everyday. I really hope and pray this way of thinking changes because it really is a pain in the ass 😤

Y/N was going through a rough breakup when she'd first met Grayson. The guy she had been dating was from her own culture, a Doctor and her parents really liked him for their daughter. While the initial one year had been great, she quickly realised he wasn't the right guy for her. He was too controlling, too busy, too toxic. She had to break things off despite what the society would say.

For the longest time after that, Y/N closed herself off. She only left her dorm to go to her classes, occasionally going to the nearby diner with her girlfriends to ger food and then back into the dorm. The happy go-lucky girl who loved to party on the weekends was lost somewhere.

It just so happens that the night her room mate literally dragged her out of the dorm and to a party at some club she didn't care to know the name of, was the very night Grayson also attended his very first 'college party' per say.

Grayson Dolan had never been to frat parties in his life because he never went to college but had definitely heard great things from his sister and some friends that went to UCLA. One of those friends had invited him and his brother to the party his friend was throwing and Grayson was not gonna let the opportunity pass.

So what if he didn't go to University? He could still say he knew what college parties looked like!

So it was on one of the three outdoor patios at Q's Billiard Club that Grayson and Y/N first saw each other. She was there because the loud music was starting to make her head ache (she'd gotten a little too used to the usual quiet of her dorm room). Grayson was there to catch some fresh air, the tightly packed club was making him a little claustrophobic. And it wasn't like they were the only two people outside that night, but still both of them couldn't stop their eyes from going back to each other.

Y/N had noticed the new face among her friends' group when everyone had gathered around the pool table and how could she not? His bright smile and loud laugh were both extremely hard to miss. She had noticed how charismatic and magnetic he was and she'd be lying to herself if she said her eyes didn't search for him while she was inside just so she could see him smile once again.

There was just something about that smile..

Grayson had also noticed her when she had been talking to some guy, smiling from ear to ear as one hand played with the ring on her little finger. She was beautiful. He could tell that much even under the horrible lights of the club but now that she stood just few feet away from him, he could really see how beautiful she was.

Jesus Christ.. he'd thought, she had such beautiful dark long hair, big doe eyes with long lashes adorning them, thick eyebrows framed her exotic face beautifully and let's not even talk about the 'voluptuous' lips, as he likes to put it. That sharp bone structure could cut a loaf of bread and he couldn't stop himself from stealing glances her way. Usually Ethan is the shy one, but that night, Grayson would swear cat had got his tongue. The poor guy was sweating bullets, trying to find something to strike up a conversation with Y/N, but whenever he would open his mouth to say something, his nerves would get the best of him and he would eat his words before they had the opportunity to come out.

She eventually went back inside, making Grayson curse under his breath for losing his chance to talk to her. Little did he know he'd be getting introduced to Y/N very soon by their common friend, Ashton. Bless his soul.

The majority of the night, Y/N and Grayson spent together, talking about everything from their aim in life to freaking politics. She was extremely intelligent and he was a great listener along with having an interesting mind. Neither could stop themselves from getting infatuated with the other.

After that night, they met again at next weekend's party, then the next one and the next one. Grayson had started counting the days untill Saturday, when he could see her again.

Y/N, on the other hand, was starting to get wary about these meetings because she knew she was starting to really like him and that's what she couldn't allow herself to do. She knew getting involved with Grayson would only lead to heartbreak because there would never be a future with him. But she didn't have the the will power to stop seeing him either.

Ultimately, she decided she would not think too much and let the chips fall wherever they may. She really liked Grayson and Grayson really liked her and if she was lucky, things would not get too serious to the point where she'd have to rope in her family.

This would be her little secret, that's all.

Only, that's not all. And her little secret would not be so little. What was only supposed to be just two friends-who-knew-they-liked-each-other hanging out, turned into a three year long serious relationship. What was only supposed to be a crush she thought she'd get over eventually, turned into something so much more serious and permanent.

Y/N fell head over heels in love with everything that makes up the man that is Grayson and don't think she didn't try to stop those feelings in their track!

In the three years they were together, they took a break three times, the first time because Grayson was afraid what his fans would do to her if they found out. The second time because of what Y/N's family would do to her if they found out and the third time was solely because Y/N didn't know what to do about the situation she had trapped herself in. (But they obviously found their way back to each other!)

The poor girl loved her family more than anything else in the world and she didn't remember ever hiding something from either her mum or her dad. And while she knew that she wasn't wrong for loving Grayson, not at all, because loving him and being loved by him seemed like the most right thing she'd ever done, but the fact that she was hiding her relationship from her parents for three years definitely gave her multiple sleepless nights.

She tried to tell them several times when things were getting serious between her and Grayson, but everytime she would chicken out because she wasn't ready to choose between her family and the love of her life. She knew her family would never accept him no matter how perfect he was because he didn't share the same cultural background as her and she knew that if she chose him, she would be disowned within a second.

If someone would have asked her to choose between any guy and her dad even two years ago, she would have chosen her father in a heartbeat. There was even a time in the early stages of her relationship where she had made those cute little 'open when' cards for Grayson, giving them to him on their one year anniversary. She had gotten the idea off of pinterest and she remembers hesitating while making the 'open when you're getting married' card because she was so sure she wouldn't be the one that'd get to marry that amazing man.

Y/N knew there was zero way she would get to have Grayson as her husband no matter how much she prayed for it, so she didn't know what to write in that particular card. After going over words and crumbling four pieces of paper, she finally wrote just five words in the card and folded it shut with teary eyes. Grayson had a tendency to misplace things and there was a high chance this card would never even be opened by him, but she still made it and gave it to him.

Now fast forward to two years later, Grayson stood before her with one knee bent, holding a beautiful diamond ring with both hands and saying the most beautiful speech while she stood infront of him, absolutely bawling her eyes out and covering her mouth in shock. It was the eve of her birthday and she had just gotten off the phone with her family, during which Grayson had stood silently to the side, making sure to not make a single noice because he couldn't risk being heard by your parents. The proposal had come as a total shock to Y/N but there was no doubt in her head that she had to say 'yes' when she saw him getting down on one knee and flashing her favourite smile in the entire world to her. She didn't think about how she'd tell her family that she was freaking engaged, or about how they'd react to having Grayson as their son in-law, or if they'd even want to see her after she'd break the news to them. All she knew in that moment was that Grayson was her man, the love of her life. No other man could ever take his place and she just had to make him officially hers. Staying away from him was out of the question. She'd tried that and failed miserably. At this point, she knew they were meant to be together, that's all she cared about.

"Yes," she'd breathed, a choked sob escaping her lips when a tear rolled down Grayson's cheek. She got down on both knees in front of him and launched herself into his arms. "Yes, yes, I will marry you!"

He had not wasted a second in taking her face in his hands and kissing her lips with everything he had. They had each other, that was enough for now.

That year when she'd gone home for her Diwali, she had asked her mum and dad to sit with her and with a pounding heart and shaky breaths, she had finally told them about Grayson. She was very aware that this would be her last diwali with her family but she knew her love for Grayson was nothing to be ashamed about. She hadn't committed a crime, she'd just fallen in love.

"I'm marrying him before new years, dad." Y/N had lifted her head up from her lap, pulling out from under her high neck top, the ring that she'd worn like a pendant around her neck. The sparkle of the diamond made her mother gasp. Her father sat in front of her, motionless, not even looking at her. She knew she had really hurt her dad and his teary eyes were making her heart break into a million pieces but she couldn't reach out and comfort him. She didn't have the right to, anymore. "Dad, trust me, he's an amazing man! You would love him if you met--"

"Tell her to get out of my house." He'd commanded her mother and stormed out of the room, without spading her a glance.

"Mum please--"

"Don't call me that! You clearly didn't think about your mum while you were messing around with that American--three years, Y/N?! You didn't feel ashamed of yourself?! And today you came here to invite us to your wedding?! How dare you?"

So yeah, she got kicked out of her house on the night of Diwali. At least she didn't get a slap to the face..? She just booked a room in a hotel near the airport, preparing to fly back to her fiancé at the crack of dawn. He was waiting for her with open arms when she came home the next day, letting go of her travel bag and absolutely crumbling into his arms. Her broken sobs were muffled by the fabric of his shirt as he held her head against his chest, placing kisses on her forehead every now and then.

"I'm sorry," he kept whispering in her ear, feeling awful for being the reason his girl got dsowned by her parents. "I'm so sorry.

"He didn't even look at me, Gray! Called me a disgrace!" The pain was unbearable. She couldn't breath, her heart seemed too heavy and the image of her father's pain stricken face kept roaming her mind. "They hate me, Gray."

"They are your parents, Y/N, they can't hate you. They are just mad. They'll come around eventually." He didn't know whom he was reassuring, himself or her. This isn't how he had imagined his wedding would be, with no family member attending from the bride's side. He really wished he could take some of her pain away, but all he could really give her was a promise to always be by her side through everything. He promised her he would never leave her. Never ever leave her.

They were bound by fate after all.

Just a day before the wedding, when Y/N was looking for the personalised cufflinks she'd bought as a wedding gift to Grayson, she stumbled upon a fat envelope on Grayson's side of the wardrobe. Opening it in curiosity, she found all the 'open when' cards that she'd made for him all those years ago. All the cards had been opened except for one.

Open when you're getting married.

The words were written in cursive on top of the card, the seal of it was still intact, meaning Grayson had really listened to her instructions, despite the curiosity nagging him everytime his eyes would fall on the envelopes. She didn't even know he had kept all the cards, Grayson tended to lose things easily.

Looking at the card, she remembered that day she'd sat down in her living room with all these papers scattered around her, doubting if she'll even get to marry Grayson. And now here she was, sitting in her future bedroom that she'd share with her soon to be husband. She would be marrying the man of her dreams tomorrow. And even though her day wouldn't be perfect because of the absence of her family, it would still be her day. The day she would finally be Mrs. Grayson Dolan.

Y/N took the cufflinks out of the wardrobe and held the card in her hand, walking over to Grayson's wedding suit that still hung on the hook of the wardrobe, just about of be taken to the venue for the wedding. Smiling with teary eyes, she slipped the card into the pocket of his coat along with the box that contained the cufflinks. It was a miracle that she found the card just a day before the wedding. It was all fate.

And the next day, while Grayson was getting ready, Ethan informed him that his almost wife had kept a gift in the pocket of his coat and had asked him to tell Grayson that. The groom had eagerly shoved his hand into his coat's pocket and found not just one gift, but two.

The cufflinks laid forgotten on the bed when his eyes fell on the card and he hastily opened it, finally getting to see what was written inside.

Just five words that brought tears into his eyes.

I hope it was me...

He smiled at the words, his throat tight and eyes filled with tears as he read the words over and over. Their love was powerful, they were meant to be together and together, they knew they could conquer anything. Yes, the path they had chosen to take was not an easy one, but he knew deep in his heart that things would get better.

And thankfully for them, Y/N's parents finally came along two years later. The cause of that was the little bundle of joy that Grayson and Y/N had created together. Things were starting to look up again, Y/N's dad was smitten with her little baby girl and her family loved Grayson once they got to know him. These days, her dad has been trying to get his son in-law into Cricket so they can watch together on TV when the World Cup rolls around. Grayson, on the other hand, has other plans. The Best Husband In The World is now set to earn the title of The Best Son In-Law In The World too, what with sneakily buying tickets for the whole family to watch the World Cup finale in the freaking stadium.

"I've got the best seats! He's gonna have a great view of the whole thing." He beams as she lays her head on his chest at night.

"You didn't have to do that, babe."

"Oh c'mon, he gave his freaking daughter to me, I know how hard that must have been now that I have my own, it's the least I can do for him."

Needless to say, Y/N's dad is over the moon, watching the match from the stadium with Grayson sitting beside him. Gray looks so cute and hot cheering for her country, she would definitely have pounced on his had they not been with her family, sitting among what looks like thousands and thousands of people.

But it's okay. They have all the time in the world for baby making. He's all hers just like she's all his.

[mari-onberry]

Day Three: Soulmate AU

Read on AO3

Deku, tired from a long day of training, was content to go home and sleep for a few hours. But All Might interrupted his plans, stopping him in the hall before he had the chance to leave for the day. 

“Young Midoriya, I must tell you something. Can we go somewhere more private?” All Might asked. Deku reluctantly followed, not completely sure what he was planning to talk about. Once they were in a private room, All Might composed himself before explaining. “Midoriya, I’m sure you’re aware of what happens when you turn 18.”

Deku nodded– so that’s what this is about. He would turn 18 tomorrow, and find out who his soulmate was. He had been excited for it for a while, but it had slipped his mind, since he had been so focused on his hero training.

“Well, there is one small problem. Those who hold One for All are not able to be together with their soulmate.”

At first, Deku assumed this was some sort of plan that would eventually lead to a surprise party, or a prank that one of his classmates managed to rope All Might into. But the severity in his idol’s eyes told a different story. He had obviously been hurt by this very fact.

“Wait… what does that mean? Will I not have a soulmark?”

All Might frowned. “Well, yes and no. It means that, if you choose to keep One for All, your soulmate will not show, but if you don’t choose One for All, your mark will stay but you won’t be able to show any feelings for them or you will start to lose your power. I’m sorry to tell you this so quickly, I just didn’t know how…”

That prompted Deku to ask him– “So you had a soulmate before, but you had to leave them?” Once said, he immediately regretted it. It was obviously a tough subject for All Might, and it wasn’t really any of his business.

However, All Might still felt it necessary to tell Deku. He braced himself, and finally told him. “Young Midoriya, my soulmate is your mother, Inko Midoriya.” Deku’s eyes widened with confusion as he processed this information. “When I was your age, my teacher told me about the soul mark’s confliction with One for All. I saw my soul mark, but I never knew who my soulmate was. Not until I met you and your mother. During your first year, I noticed her mark and that it matched mine. I never told you because…”

“But– but, my parents–” Deku answered what All Might was about to say.

“Because, I knew you would be devastated learning your parents are not soulmates. But, Midoriya, you need to know this because…” he paused, not wanting to say it out loud, “that is why you are quirkless.”

Deku sat, needing to think for a moment. He couldn’t believe all this information coming at him all at once, and he was angry that All Might hadn’t told him earlier, but he did understand; such bad news would be hard to tell anyone you cared for.

“Can I at least find out who my soulmate is?” He asked, imagining the following morning, like he had 100 times before. He would stay up until midnight, and stare at his arm, waiting for his tattoo to appear. If it was anyone he knew, it would probably be easy to tell right away. And if it wasn’t anyone he knew, then he wouldn’t try to search for them. He would simply turn them down and keep One for All. The latter option seemed much more likely, anyway.

“I wouldn’t recommend that. To know who it is, and then to choose One for All, that is even crueler.”

What he said made sense, and if Deku wasn’t clouded by his curiosity, he would’ve listened. “I’ve waited all this time, how could I not wait to find out?”

All Might gave in. He had done the same thing, and although it was hurtful, he wouldn’t change a thing. He couldn’t imagine living without knowing who his soulmate was. “All right, young Midoriya. But I trust you will make the right decision?” He didn’t want to pressure the kid, but all his other choices for successor had already found a soulmate. Plus, now that Deku had been training for years, All Might couldn’t imagine anyone else holding One for All after him.

Deku smiled and nodded. No matter who it was, he would choose One for All. At least, that’s what he hoped.

Deku was shaking with excitement and anxiety as he counted the seconds to midnight. He was tired from the day, and although he had planned on taking a nap, he couldn’t sleep after all that had transpired. He counted under his breath, knowing he could never turn back once he saw was appeared. And when his alarm went off for 12, he couldn’t open his eyes. This would change everything. But he also knew it wouldn’t matter nearly as much as it would have before; he had to turn his soulmate down. So it wasn’t as life-altering as he had always hoped.

He took a few deep breaths, and then slowly opened his eyes.

What he saw on his arm was a sketch of space, a swirling of the sun, the moon, and a star, framed by the constellation of freckles on his arm. Deku paused. He knew this tattoo. He racked his brain for the place he’d seen it before and then it came to him– it was the exact symbol that Todoroki had discovered on his arm a few months ago, and the same one that Bakugou had found on his birthday a couple months after that. He froze. How could he have matching tattoos with his two friends, let alone those two?

His mind went back to that day in January when Todoroki had come into class with his mark, the girls crowding around him, hoping that theirs would match his. And then to that wild day when Bakugou came into class, fuming at the news that his mark matched Todoroki’s. The class had laughed, baffled at the fact that they were supposedly soulmates. Even Deku laughed, but was ultimately happy for them. So learning that he was a part of equation made things even more complicated.

And then, Deku remembered that he had to turn them down.

If it had been anyone else, that process would be easier. But after all, they were his soulmates.

There was no way he was sleeping that night.

The next morning was rough. Although he didn’t know how he would face the class, he had made a promise to All Might– and there was no way he could give up One for All just for love. That would be much too selfish. No, he had to go to class, no matter what.

He looked down at his arm and wondered: would he have to live with the mark there his whole life, as a reminder? He hid his mark with long sleeves, not ready to reveal it to anyone yet, especially not Todoroki or Bakugou.

As he sat down to get ready for class, he could feel eyes staring down the back of his neck, which he could tell belonged to Todoroki. When he looked ahead of him, he saw Bakugou purposefully avoiding eye contact. More eyes focused on him: Iida, Ochaco, Tsuyu. He realized that even though he wanted to hide it, everyone remembered his birthday. However, he decided he had no choice but to ignore it if he wanted to keep his sanity that day.

He suffered through class after class of whispers about him, classmates trying to peek at his arm, and most of all, thoughts of everything that was worrying him. What do I do? Who is my soulmate, Kacchan, Shouto, neither? Both? The most overwhelming thought was just why me?

Unfortunately, he couldn’t escape interrogation. Ochaco came up to him after class. “Deku, I know this is a little personal, but everyone’s been asking me all day about who your soulmate is.” Her face flushed. Deku knew her birthday wouldn’t come for another few months. For a second, he wished his soulmate was her. Then, he realized how much pain it would cause her to know they could never be together, and he was relieved. Thinking about this, however, caused his heart to hurt, remembering Bakugou and Todoroki every day, how they would fight every morning but inevitably make up by lunchtime. How they would smile at each other in small ways when they think no one is looking, only to hide their happiness seconds later. He couldn’t put them through this, not after all that time they spent coming to terms with being soulmates.

He brought his eyes back up to Ochaco’s when he was brought back into reality and realized he had interrupted her talking with his mindless muttering. “Oh no, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t sweat it,” she said. “I know this can be a hard topic for some people. You don’t have to talk about it.” She walked away, then shouted, “See you tomorrow!”

Yeah. Tomorrow.

Once again, Deku had no idea what to do. That night, he laid awake for hours, trying to decide whether or not he should talk to Todoroki and Bakugou about his predicament. He ended up in the morning extra tired and still having no clue.

Unfortunately, he was early and ran into the couple in question before class. He could feel his heartbeat in his throat when they confronted him outside of the classroom. Todoroki started, “Izuku, we think something is going on.” It was obvious they had a discussion about this beforehand.

“Uh…” Deku thought about what to say, but his mind was racing too fast.

“Dumbass, I told you he wouldn’t want to talk.” Bakugou snapped. Todoroki frowned.

“Don’t be so harsh, Kacchan. You know Shouto is your boyfriend.” Deku had no idea what to say about his life, but he knew how to make peace between Bakugou and Todoroki.

“How could you possibly understand that?”

Ouch. Deku bit his tongue, still not knowing what to say.

Todoroki broke the silence. “I know it’s none of our business, but we’re worried about you.” When he said that, he looked at Bakugou, who looked away, obviously agreeing but not wanting to admit it.

Deku gulped. All his emotions were conflicting inside him. If you tell them, it will be harder for you to keep your quirk, mixing with Don’t they have a right to know, as well as What would All Might do?

Finally, Bakugou, who was getting tired of Deku acting so secretive, grabbed a hold of his arm. “Kacchan!” Deku shouted. He looked Deku in the eyes, and let go of his arm. Todoroki looked genuinely scared, but Deku knew he was also curious to know what his mark was.

Deku sighed, defeated. He wanted them to know, and he was willing to suffer the consequences. He pulled up his sleeve, and showed them his matching soulmark.

At first, the two couldn’t process the image. Then, they both simultaneously pulled up their sleeves and looked at their soulmarks. A swirling galaxy interwoven onto all three of their wrists. They were all speechless. Even Deku, who almost couldn’t believe they actually matched.

“What does this mean?” Todoroki whispered, barely audible.

Deku was suddenly overwhelmed. What have I done? I’m going to have to tell them now. He closed his eyes, then proceeded to look back up at them both, his eyes starting to water.

“You know I care about you both greatly, right?” He didn’t wait for an answer before continuing, “I didn’t want to hurt you. And I don’t know what this means,” he said, gesturing to the mark, “but I do know that I can’t be with either of you. One for All doesn’t allow the holder to be together with their soulmate.”

As the information sunk in, Bakugou regretted forcing Deku to reveal his mark. Deep down, he had always hoped their marks matched. But instead of expressing his regret, he laughed. There was also irony behind it– Bakugou had also always wished to somehow be the holder of One for All, to be mentored by All Might.

Todoroki, on the other hand, melted to the floor, head in hands. He slowly began to realize how ridgid this choice was: Deku could either give up his dream, or leave him and Bakugou, knowing that their relationship would never be the same again. There was no happy ending for them.

“I love you two, you know that, right?” Deku asked, not expecting an answer. He then turned on his heel and walked away, catching a glimpse of his mark and wondering if it seemed just a little fainter than seconds before.

[sanammma]

Ten Years Gone - Chapter 1

Hello there people :D This is kind of my first time trying something like this and I really hope it works out well. For some reason, I feel like this is gonna be a story about her more than him. I guess we’ll see what happens.  Thank you very much @callmethehunter for helping me out with this, I don’t know what I’d do without you. I hope you like it!

3rd April 1975

……………………..

It was a particularly chilly night in London. The winter had finally ended and the days were getting longer. The beginning of spring had filled the air with the fresh scent of flowers. It was nature’s tender way of telling people that their dark days were coming to an inevitable end. The clouds were scattered carelessly across the night sky, welcoming the moon in a sweet longing. The young woman smiled to herself as she looked through the bookshop’s window. She loved the nighttime so dearly. She found it very hard to sleep at a reasonable time simply because she adored the vibes in the air.  She was gazing at the stars, searching for something she had forgotten. Every night, she was searching for an old warmth she missed so much but denying it with her stupid pride.

Looking away from the nighttime sky and back at the line which was in front of her, Madeline noticed that it was still quite long even though she had been here for two hours. She smiled as the next person stepped closer to the desk. She gave the pregnant woman in front of her a warm, grateful smile and tucked a small strand of her brown hair behind her ear. She looked at the book that was held dearly between the woman’s arms. Her eyes moved to her name by the right corner of the cover “ By Madeline Clarke.. who would’ve thought? The woman put the book on the desk and pushed it towards her. She grabbed Madeline’s hand with both of her hands and shook it with a huge grin on her face. “I found something very special in your novel, Miss Clarke. I always felt like I could relate to many fictional characters but with yours, it was very different. I couldn’t relate to them, I couldn’t imagine myself living their life. I was only able to be their friend. It was a kind of a mutual understanding, a very strange relationship with characters that are not even mine! It’s amazing. It was a great read, overall. Thank you for putting your efforts into this. I really appreciate it.” Her voice was slightly shaking and her face was red. Madeline was very happy, even though she’d heard similar compliments. She couldn’t get used to it, she didn’t want to. “Who shall I sign this to?” she mumbled. “Lisa” The pregnant lady responded with a cheerful sigh “You?” “The baby girl” She answered. “I’m planning to give it to her on her 12th birthday.” Madeline beamed with warmth and signed on the first page beside her name. She shook the lady’s hand again and thanked her for coming. She looked at Frank, her assistant, who was talking to the librarian, as the lady walked away. He nodded at him and turned around, stepping closer to Maddie and whispering something in her ear. “Yeah okay, I’ll finish this guy and we’ll call it a day.” Maddie murmured. She turned her head back to the line of people and the world faded away when she saw him standing in front of her. She blinked a few times as if she was in a dream as a cocky smile was drawn on his face, enjoying her reaction. For a few seconds, the entire world froze as their eyes were fixated on each other, speaking a secret language of a worn out love and a painful longing. They felt like they were alone in the room until they were thrown back into reality. He kept his victorious look as he pushed the book towards her, touching her fingers slightly which sent shivers down her spine. She looked up at him in confusion, she was happy to see him again but she didn’t understand what he wanted. She thought they ended it for good the last time they met. “I enjoyed every chapter, every sentence, every word, every letter.. Great job Miss Clarke.” Robert said with a very well hidden tint of mockery. “I wonder what will you do now? What’s next?”

“I am not so sure, Blondie. I think I’ll take a break.” She answered as she signed the first page, intentionally sloppily. She took a breath and continued, almost whispering to him.. “to find something worth writing about”. His smirk turned into a cautious titter as he took back the book. He replied, more to himself “I think you really need it”

Madeline’s heart was beating very fast in her chest and she felt a growing need to cry. Frank was watching the tense exchange of looks and the vague conversation. He heard the fed up sighs behind Robert so he reacted fast, declaring it was time to close the bookshop, politely asking the people to leave. Maddie stood up and apologized to them. She promised that she’d continue the next day. Robert opened his mouth, trying to talk to her but she was already walking away from him. She went to the bathroom and he intended to follow her but he thought better of it. She pushed the bathroom door and went straight to the sink. Her legs were weak and she was very tense. She splashed water on her face and rubbed her eyes. What’s wrong with me? I can handle this! I don’t need him.. I’m fine on my own Madeline took a few deep breaths and gathered her courage as she stared at her pale reflection. She sighed and walked out of the bathroom. In a matter of a few minutes, the bookshop was nearly empty save for a few workers, Frank, Robert and Maddie who was searching for Frank. Robert was casually sitting on the desk that she was using when he saw her walking towards her assistant. “I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me..” she reassured the man. “Okay then, take care of yourself. I’ll see you tomorrow!” Frank answered, giving her a gentle pat on her shoulder.

After they heard the door being shut, she sighed and looked back to Robert who was keeping a little distance between them. “What the fuck are you doing here?” Maddie asked, raising her eyebrows slightly. “It’s nice to see you, too, Maddie.” He said, with obvious ridicule. She giggled with embarrassment and gave in to the overwhelming feeling of happiness of seeing him again. He couldn’t hide his proud grin when she said “I.. I really don’t know what to say”. He simply opened his arms, inviting her for a hug. A few seconds later, his strong arms were wrapped around her and his golden hair tickled her cheeks. He breathed in the coconut smell of her hair, protecting it in between his ribs. This time, you won’t run away.. Their embrace lasted more than a casual friendly hug. Both of them couldn’t let the other go, as they both knew that this was the only way they could just love each other without boundaries, without hiding behind fake walls of pride. This and.. something else His hands started caressing her lower back with a familiar need and her heartbeat got faster.She was fighting her desire as she moved back with a shy chuckle.  A strange silence filled the space between them, it wasn’t awkward though. They just kept gazing at each other, as they did, a countless other nights.

Shhh, I wanna look at you..

Finally, he broke the silence" So, The Monster, huh?! What a brilliant piece of work! To be very honest with you, I never thought you’d make it to the Sunday Times Bestsellers! “He teased with a wide grin on his face. She raised her eyebrows and said with a chortle “Yeah but I did, didn’t I? I proved you wrong. You owe me an apology” “An apology? In your dreams, luv.” Robert laughed, his dimple deepening. “So what now? What are you here for?” “Nothing in particular. You’re a person I cherish so much and I miss you. Wanna take a walk?” Robert said, with a simplicity that annoyed her “ A walk?” She repeated, crossing her arms. “I don’t bite I swear..” he paused for a few seconds and whispered “ unless you want me to..” She playfully slapped his arm and they both laughed. “Okay, fine. You came all the way here, I’ll give you a walk.”

He nodded and walked towards the door with her. They smiled to the security guard and walked far away from the building. She put her hands in the pockets of her jeans. The air was cold and smelled of fresh flowers. Their arms were brushing against each other as neither of them made the first move. As they were crossing a small road, a car was driving and it almost hit them if it didn’t stop about two feet away. Robert’s intuitively wrapped his arm around her put his hand on her shoulder and pulled her closer to him. As he saw the car stop, he dropped his hand and giggled nervously. She smiled at him and grabbed his hand to put it back on her shoulder. He gave her a silly grin and gazed at her. He felt a warmth run through his body as he was close to her.

I was her love, she was my queen.. I can steal that from Jimmy, can’t I?

He had missed these long walks they used to take together, always sneaking out in the middle of the night and wandering around in the streets. He loved how honest and raw she’d become in the night. She laughed harder, cried more, talked more and loved more, the thought made him smile to himself. At night, she was her true, beautiful self, not hiding behind any kind of a barrier or mask.

Her hair was tickling his arm and he took his time admiring the familiar sensation. His mind took him a sweet short journey to their days together and he caught himself smiling as he looked into the distance. His hand reached into his pocket and he took out his pack of cigarettes. She glanced at him and he responded spontaneously “Want one?”

A smirk was drawn on her lips and she said in a sarcastically sophisticated tone “It’s an old habit. Just like you are.. But here you are.. so yeah I guess”

“Stop your bullshit and take it. Let’s have fun and enjoy the night as it lasts” He chuckled with sad eyes.

She returned the sad look, knowing that this night will most likely end very badly. She took a cigarette and he lighted his and then hers. Memories flashed before her eyes and she felt a painful longing in her chest, almost a nostalgia, a homesickness

Home is where the heart is.. and you are my home..

Madeline took a drag off her cigarette and blew the smoke in his face making him cough. “I find this very amusing..” She giggled. “Your idea..”

“Well then excuse me..” He took her hand and brushed his lips against it, placing a tender kiss. “A part of the fun” he grinned cheekily. She raised her eyebrows and chuckled at him. She pulled back her hand and said “ I appreciate the gesture, but how dare you ?!”

“Sorry, luv. I couldn’t help it” he winked with a grin and held her hand again. They kept on walking in the same old familiar silence. They didn’t need a lot of words to communicate. They were both enjoying their cigarettes and the fresh perfumed air, just for a bit, reliving a love story that was buried under the dust of time.

They passed by a little group playing some classical music and Madeline stopped to admire their talents along with a few people standing next to them. Her eyes always glowed when she heard something she liked, and he loved seeing her like that. It reminded him of the first time she went to a Led Zeppelin concert. The memory made him smile.

They watched the musicians as they skillfully played their instruments. Robert was so busy staring at her features instead of looking at them. He couldn’t keep his eyes off her, he had missed her way too much, her brown wavy hair, her hazel gloomy eyes, her lips, her neck, her chest.. everything.. He inhaled and sighed sadly. She could feel his eyes fixated on her and smirked victoriously. She enjoyed the power she had over him, she loved how much he was lost in her. Quickly and rather arrogantly, she thought that she was the one who had self-control.

Robert stepped towards her and placed his hand on her waist while the other held her hand tenderly. “Shall we?” He asked. Madeline grinned and rested her other hand on his shoulder and moved her chest closer to his. They swayed to the rhythm and it wasn’t long until some of those who had stopped to watch had joined in the celebration. Everyone was dancing to the sweet sound of music, the band was happy, the people were happy, everyone was enjoying their time. He brought her even closer to him and he rested his chin on her shoulder. She could feel his breath on her neck and couldn’t help but sigh. He pushed her hair back and kissed her neck softly. She closed her eyes as lonely, lost tears raced on her cheeks. “What are we doing?” A faint whisper escaped her shivering lips.  He tightened his grip and whispered back “Dancing..”

[getalittlecountry]

Firefly Glow

Feyre hadn't even been back for a full week and the moment she stepped into the house Mor pounced. After she pulled her mate off of her she begged her to help her with the task of planning Cassian's birthday. They assumed since the war was over and the bad guys were dead there was nothing to worry about.

Everyone just sort of picked up where they had left off. Rhysand had his mate back, Elain was content with Lucien. Azriel and Mor were warming up to the idea of each other.

But they didn't realize that I was still broken. I was still awkward and unsure. I hated myself, the things I had done during the war. I couldn't stand to look into the mirror and remember it all. I still felt the blood on my hands. I still heard the screams in my ears.

And nothing was going to change that. Nothing was going to put me back together and nothing was going to right all the wrongs that had been done.

I was still fae.

I was still a weapon that didn't know how to be held.

I was still afraid of myself and everyone else around me.

There was a knock on the door. I jumped slightly as I turned to see Feyre stick her head into the door. Her hair was lighter, her face fuller. She looked better than she had when she first came back from the spring court. She was happy, she had her mate. She had her family. She was at home here in this house with these people. She belonged here.

Feyre and Elain knew where they belonged, who they wanted to be with. They adjusted, they adapted. They were so different from me, and I hated knowing I couldn't change. I couldn't move from where I was stuck inside my fear. My sisters were happy.

And I had no idea where I belonged. I didn't even know who I was.

"Hey. You're not dressed," she stuck her bottom lip out as she came into my room, "aren't you coming?"

I shook my head, "no. I don't think Cassian would want me there anyways."

Last night, before we all went to bed, I yelled at Cassian. I was always yelling at him, but this had been our biggest fight yet. He told me to let Elain go, to let her be happy and loosen my hold on her and I lost it. I told him he would never know the pain of watching someone he loved being pushed into that cauldron. He would never feel the pain of his heart breaking as he wondered if she would be breathing when she emerged. That I couldn't loosen my hold because she's my baby sister and I had to protect her.

Cassian had screamed back at me. "actually I do," his cheeks went red as his hands ran through his hair, "I watched them shove you into that water, Nesta. I know what it feels like to feel your heart break. I know-" he stopped and shook his head, "it doesn't matter. You've made up your mind."

He left me standing there stunned by his words, by his pain. When I helped him with his wings he never looked like it hurt. He looked like he was a warrior, fighting his feelings. The way his face crumbled when he said he cared for me, it warmed something cold inside my chest.

Feyre cleared her throat and my eyes focused on her again. She raised an eyebrow, "oh I think he will. It's his birthday Nesta, we need normal again. We've been stuck in a war zone for too long."

I sighed, looking down at my hands and seeing red slowly creep over my pale skin. My fingers curled into a fist before it could go too far, "no. I just. I can't. I'm sorry."

Feyre sighed and sat down on my bed, "Nesta. We love you. Whether or not you want it, we've accepted you. You're our family now. So please come to Cassian's party. He tried so hard to pick things you would like."

I wanted to laugh, but the sound didn't come out. Instead I snorted and shook my head, "why would he pick things I like? It's his birthday."

Feyre shook her head, "you're both so fucking blind it's pathetic. Fine don't come. But don't hold it against me if that big brute comes and finds you. He'll drag you kicking and screaming to the party I know he will. Because whenever I asked him what he wants for his birthday, he just says he wants you there. With a smile."

I bit my lip hard. Cassian was always trying to get me to smile. Even before the war was over, when we were still waiting for word from my sister, he tried to make me smile to no end. He was the only one who tried to thaw my ice. He was the only one who ever got close enough for me to think about caring for.

Cassian wasn't terrible, not that I would say that out loud. He was big, he was cocky, but on the inside he was mush. He was sweet and caring. He stepped up and held me when I cried in front of him. He never held it against me, he never made fun of me. He was the only thing that helped me through the darkest nights that came with war.

And yet I was still so scared to face him now. I hadn't seen him since he came back from checking the camps after word got out that hybern was dead. I didn't meet him in the lawn like everyone else when he landed after weeks away. I stayed in my room, listening as they hugged and celebrated. Our fight last night was the only interaction we had had for the last three months.

Because I was too afraid of myself, of what I might do if I was to go down there and meet him after weeks apart. I knew I'd make a fool out of myself. I knew I would end up even more embarrassed than I was now. Because something begged me to go to Cassian. Something told me to wrap my arms around him and to never let him go.

And I couldn't let myself give in. I couldn't give into whatever it was that pulled me, because once I did I would never be the same. I would never be able to pull myself out of that abyss. Cassian would be my downfall.

I didn't need another way to lose more of myself.

Feyre touched my cheek. I had almost forgotten she was still here, "Nesta he cares for you. It's not the same way he cares for the rest of us. Don't let him believe it's all for nothing."

I closed my eyes, "I know Feyre. He just... scares me."

I let the words slip past my lips and there in those three words Feyre saw it all. My littlest sister finally knew my biggest secret. She wrapped her arms around me and held me tightly.

"I was scared of Rhysand too, when I first came here. But sometimes the best things that happen to us, are the ones that scare the hell out of us. Trust me Nes," she pulled back wearing the biggest smile on her face, "sometimes it's worth the risk."

"I'm not worth the risk. I'm still broken," I whispered feeling so out of my element. I was admitting things I had never wanted to admit before.

Feyre touched my shoulder and sighed, "broken isn't the same as unfixable, Nesta. Especially when there are so many people who want to help you find your missing pieces."

I let out a slow breath, "when he breaks my heart into a million little pieces and I get to spend forever wishing I never let him in, then I'll remind you of this very moment."

Feyre laughed, "I've seen the way he looks at you. It's as if you put the stars in the sky. Cassian would do anything for you Nesta, hold your hand until the end of time. Trust me. He will never ever hurt you."

She walked back to the door and then let herself out. The room was suddenly quiet and I felt a chill despite the fire inside my veins. I turned back around and looked at my reflection. Was I that girl? Was I even a shadow of who Cassian thought he was in love with? I didn't think I could ever be someone who was lovable, someone who could love someone else.

But I realized sitting there that I wanted to try. I would try to be that girl.

For him.

---

His panic hit me as I pulled my dress on. I couldn't explain it, but I felt it course through me as I stood staring at my reflection. The dress was deep purple and clung to my curves in all the right places. The back was made up of black lace, the front cinched perfectly below my breast. I never felt as beautiful as I did with my hair pinned to one side. My curls were loose and sparkled with whatever spray I had taken from Feyre's room.

The house was quiet. Everyone had already left. Cassian was panicking, he didn't see me among the crowd. I closed my eyes and I felt his panic surge through me. I felt his disappointment. He really wanted me there. He was waiting for me. Even after our fight, after I yelled at him. He still wanted me there on his birthday.

Maybe I really had been wrong about everything.

I smiled as I closed my eyes and winnowed myself to the outskirts of the forest. I let out a breath, a little unsteady as I opened my eyes. I was still getting used to winnowing and all the other fun attributes that come along with this fae body. I waited a minute until my legs were steady again and then went towards the noise of the party.

There was a fire burning in the center. There were fireflies dancing around the night sky. Their lights played with the light from the bonfire. The flames danced a heartbeat away, behind the trees. They called to me. I shook my head and started searching for him. I could feel him, if I focused hard enough I could find him without missing anything. I could smell him. Sandalwood and leather wrapped in one. I shivered, imagining him laughing at some stupid joke another girl told him.

What if he didn't want me? The thought crossed my mind as I imagined finding him with some pretty Illyrian girl with wings. He wouldn't want someone like me, a fae that didn't have wings. A woman who killed innocents on the battlefield without even knowing how she did it. How could someone love someone as vicious as me?

Something warm slipped down my chest and eased the anxiety that had suddenly filled my heart. I saw Cassian ahead of me, something stirring inside my chest. My hands didn't shake, my body told me to go towards him.

I stopped behind the group of them. Mor stood close to Cassian, his hand on the small of her back. Feyre was curled up in Rhysand's side and they were all talking. I let out a slow breath and the conversation stopped. Feyre saw me first, she wore the biggest smile. Cassian's shoulders were stiff as she nodded at him to turn around.

"Happy birthday," she whispered as his hand fell off of Mor's back and he slowly turned to look at me.

His eyes went wide, going down the length of my dress and back up again. I couldn't help but smile as his mouth fell open, his hair hung loose on his shoulders. He looked even better in his simple white tunic without his leathers. His tattoo peeked out the top of his shirt and I wanted to run my fingers over it. He stepped towards me, his panic was replaced with want. With the need to touch me.

He reached out his hand and I took it.

"Happy birthday you big old brute," I whispered as he pulled me in.

He didn't get a chance to reply. I stood up on my tip toes and I didn't over think it. I heard Feyre telling me that he was worth the risk. Letting Cassian into my life, into my heart, was more than worth the risk of losing myself all together.

So I leaned in, pressing my lips to his as he caught me around the waist. I heard everyone else cheer, someone was clapping and someone was crying, as I kissed him. I felt something flutter inside my chest, I felt something pull me further into him.

Our argument was long forgotten as he pulled away. His brown eyes were bright as the flames illuminated his face. He was smiling so wide I was sure it hurt his cheeks. But he held me tightly, afraid I would change my mind I'm sure. But I wouldn't change my mind. Not about him.

Not when he had finally been my first real decision now that I had made in this new life.

Cassian pushed a loose strand of hair behind my ear, "you look beautiful."

I blushed slightly, "thank you."

"Can I uh. Can I have a dance?"

He laced his fingers through mine and I followed him out onto the makeshift dance floor. Everyone gave us space and then the music slowed down. Cassian grabbed my waist and started to push me around the floor in a traditional dance. I couldn't help but laugh as I stumbled and made a fool of myself.

"You're terrible at this," he was laughing along with me. I couldn't help but smile as he spun me around and then dipped me down.

Then Cassian pulled me up and placed my feet on his. He started to float us around the floor, the air rushing around me and the laughter bubbling out of my throat. I had never felt so light, so happy to be somewhere before.

"You're beautiful when you smile," his deep voice hit me and I looked up to find him staring at me. His brown eyes were full of mystery, full of something that still terrified me. But the warmth inside my chest, the fact that I felt so safe in his arms, made it easier to believe in us.

I held onto him tightly, "you're the only one who can make me laugh this hard."

His smile was beautiful, "I only want you to smile like this. Always."

"I can try," I whispered softly, "for you."

I leaned in and kissed him softly. His lips moved with mine, his hand holding my waist tightly. As if he was afraid I would run away, as if the spell could be broken. I leaned into him and held on for dear life.

"You scare me, Cassian," I said softly into his shirt. I felt the edge of his wing, running my finger gently over one of his many scars, "but someone told me you're worth the risk."

I felt the tips of his fingers slip down my arm. His touched burned me worse than any fire ever could, "we're worth the risk."

"I'm in love with you, Cassian," I whispered as I looked up at him. He pulled at the bottom of my lip and then pressed the pad of his thumb against my skin. I wanted him closer, I wanted to feel all of him. In the moonlight I realized how far I had already fallen for him.

It was all or nothing now. He had my entire heart in the palm of his hands. I could only hope he would understand how fragile it was

"That's good to hear sweetheart. Because I'm in love with you too," his voice was deep, his breath warm against my cheek. When I looked up at him through my lashes I saw it all there in his face.

He was my person. The one, the only one strong enough to survive my fire, the storm that raged inside my soul.

His eyes sparkled as I kissed him once more. That's when it happened, when I felt him slip into my soul. It surged inside my chest. The word, the ancient bond. It threaded us together, our souls sighing with relief at finally being found.

And there in the middle of an open field two very different hearts melted into one. In the glow of the fire, underneath the bright stars of Velaris, I finally accepted my mate.