#which i dont think she realized which is a big difference

[freakinator]

thinking about kab and the thing about her i think is she knows just enough to keep herself safe Generally but not enough to really predict what would happen should something more... complicated??? unforeseen??? idk whats the right word to use but something not covered by someones reputation and/or vids happen, believe it or not this also affects her view of clownpierce (we'll get to that)

for example, mapicc has a reputation for being an violent, angry, & impulsive guy and nothing else which makes sense but is incredibly surface level and something that only really works if you dont have a lot of experience working with him

another is reddoons, his betrayal after the base incident while shocking is not unforeseen but his reputation as being a guy whos seen as being a reasonable person whos fairly loyal to his team made it seem like something he wouldnt do even tho it absolutely is

regarding how it affects her view of clown, since he isnt perfectly aligned with his reputation she instead pivots in the complete opposite direction and forgiving basically every crime he does even tho hes something much more mild and complicated than either his reputation or her view of him will ever be (think madonna-whore complex which is especially obvious when it comes to kabs vs woogies view of him)

another side effect of this Just Enough amount of knowledge aside from being blinded by her own expectations is that it frustrates ppl who think shes oversimplificating things (like me and seemingly several other tumblr users as well) especially when she claims that shes objectively correct and the smartest in the room at any given moment

how this roughness in her analysis affects her in the server still has yet to be fully seen but we do still have at least a couple months until the end but 'til then shes just gonna keep stumbling as more and more complicated situations pop up as is typical in lifesteal to happen and eventually shes gonna have to learn to adapt or else she'll be suffering the consequences one way or another

[thedrotter]

as a little treat i am sharing with you little Aya doodles I've done over the last few days to unwind ww just little expressions based on lines in-game because those are always fun to draw. nothing too special just biscuit

it's Aya because upon doing bizarrely throughout playthroughs of the game for still unspecified project purposes I've gained a soft spot for her she's my daughter now my mental tier list on my favorite characters is so confusing right now

[yelloworangesoda]

maxwell and sammy are all mine and i love them like my children but its pretty hard to divorce them from fnaf enough to make them straight up ocs. sammy especially bc hes technically not my oc, even if i made up every aspect about him except his name and dead twin sister

[arolesbianism]

Why must I only be capable of coming up with cool art ideas long past midnight

[neostellarjpg]

inner mono-dialogue

the more time i spend being davepeta with you the more i realize almost every single problem in my life was caused by my obsession with being this unfeeling cool dude

but youre cool already

like in the way that actually matters

youre chill and friendly and just nice and thats all there is to it

youre shamelessly yourself even if everybody around you is a jackass and gives you shit for it

youre similar to jade and john in that way

i really envied that about them

but its different actually being at the control panel and feeling where that earnesty comes from

it makes me wanna match your energy and keep that pawsitivity ball rolling even if it ends up being weird or cringe or whatever

fuck man do you know how exhausting it is building yourself social hoops to leap through all the time and when you trip up even once its suddenly the end of the world

what kinda dumbass does that its like dealing with life in hard mode for no reward

fuck that noise

i like your way better

Nepeta's heart burns and shines inside you.

:33 < thank you :))

:33 < but you know

:33 < i dont think doing things your way is unrewarding

:33 < its like

:33 < a shield!

Dave scrunches up with discomfort.

X33 < i dont mean that in an insulting way!

:33 < the fact is that shields are just purractical sometimes

:33 < it doesnt make you cowardly to hide behind one

:33 < in the same way that it isnt cowardly for a predator to hide in the bushes when stalking prey

:33 < its just a way to make sure you dont get hurt!

:33 < purrsonally i found shields too cumbersome

X33 < im a hunter after all!

:33 < and i guess maybe the same goes for my personality

:33 < its not really that im purrticularly brave for being myself

:33 < i just didnt have a say in the matter in the furst place!

:33 < honestly if i had a choice i would have loved to be more like you dave

:33 < you can befriend people almost effortlessly

:33 < and its beclaws youre also just a nice person

Dave recoils in surprise, but Nepeta passionately pushes forward.

:33 < fur real! i f33l it inside you! theres a really strong sense of empathy there

:33 < its just like mine! just smarter, and a bit more analytical

:33 < whenever we encounter someone mew, its like i f33l you lock onto them, and you gather so many insights into their purrsonality without even trying

:33 < and you can use that to bond with others without giving every part of you away

:33 < which unfortunately

:(( < i never really knew how to do

Nepeta sours with unpleasant feelings. Your brows scrunch together with both pain and sympathy.

Nepeta has a big and complex heart. She tried her best to keep it from spilling over, but it always did in the end. And it was embarrassing. It was embarrassing when your friends dismissed your hobbies or focused in on your strange quirks. It was embarrassing when they revealed they knew about your crush on Karkat that you'd worked so hard to hide. And it hurt whenever he would say mean things about you. He and anyone else.

But you always puffed out your chest and sucked it up. You stuck to your guns no matter what. Because it was fun! The things you liked, the people you liked, were fun, and they made you feel good. Why couldn't anyone else see that? And why did it seem like they never gave a single thought to who you were?

You curl in on yourself. Your chest hurts. You suddenly really miss Equius.

And you miss Rose. You miss Jade. You miss John and Karkat and Aradia and Tavros and Terezi and all the others. You miss all the people you can go outside and see whenever you wish, and you miss all the people that you have no hope of ever seeing again. You feel the choral echo of all the times you've ever felt this need for comfort, this thrumming pain searing hot inside you, like hunger wracking your stomach.

You clench your teeth. You remember being on your bed, curled in blankets, not having eaten a proper meal in days. You remember holding your stomach and sneaking to the kitchen, turning your shoulder at every step to look fearfully behind you, only for your fingers to falter hopelessly on the handle of the refrigerator, knowing there was nothing for you inside.

You shake with anger. You know that feeling. The feeling of being chased by something much bigger than you, a hulking silhouette of menacing strength following your scent through the thicket. You'd clutched a beast carcass to your chest, barely breathing as you stalked clumsily through the trees, performance wavering from exhaustion and hunger.

You'd almost died. You'd almost died often. And then after escaping death so many times, it one day claimed you. Casually. Unflinchingly. And the world beat on without you, leaving you stunned by your own insignificance. You'd looked out onto every preceding moment of your life, wondering if there was anything to truly be proud of in the face of your friends accomplishing all these fantastical things. You'd felt lonely before, but after that, you were truly walled off from every single person you knew.

And now, despite everything, you're alive again. Twofold, together with someone.

A warmth coats the ache inside your body. The two parts of you swirl together, feeling and tasting each other, trying to understand themselves.

It feels like a hug.

[ceranchi]

Fem stripper dazai [part 1]

Fem dazai

Warning:nsfw,club,se/x, stripper,y/n,fem dazai, dazai x reader, dazai x fem reader ،dazai headcanons

[like and comment if you like it for part 2]

_ fem stripper dazai, who is an alcoholic, believes that it makes her feel less and distracted.

_fem Stripper Dazai who always had several scars, bloody lips, bruise marks and slap marks on her body

_fem Stripper Dazai, whom no one had touched for love, in bed, the kisses were always dirty, quick and for their own desires.

_fem stripper Dazai who had not been satisfied well in sex

_fem Striper Dazai who lived in a small and messy apartment

_fem Stripper Dazai , who actually worked mostly in the back rooms and slept with men and women for more money .

_fem Stripper Dazai, whose hands and part of her neck were tied with bandages

_fem Stripper Dazai, who happened to meet you in the middle of the night next to the club door when she was not feeling well and wanted to go home.

_fem Stripper Dazai who finds out you are a college student and looks for your friend to borrow his essay for tomorrow's class.

_fem Dazai stripper who goes to check inside at your request but stays next to you when she doesn't find your friend.

_fem stripper Dazai who sits with you on the bar stool and drives the other strippers and men in the club away from u

_fem Dazai stripper who sees how you don't belong in such a place and turns your eyes away when you see naked dances.

_fem stripper Dazai who talks to you and stays by your side. When you insist that she can be comfortable and leaves, she smiles and says that she can't leave a little girl alone in a place like this, she is so used to such places.and everyone knows her here

_fem Stripper Dazai, that when u mumble wrongly +what does my stupid friend do in a place like this with these people ?why he wont pick up his phone ?and when you realize what you said, you apologize and look at him with big eyes, she smiles. And she says that it is not a problem, that she has heard worse things

_fem Dazai stripper who tries to silence the sadness in her voice when you ask her about her job.she raises her shoulder and says indifferently, "I don't care which woman or man I accept in my bed. What matters is their money."

_fem stripper dazai that thinks u are so cute and small

_fem stripper dazai who is older than u a few years

_fem stripper dazai who when she smiles make your heart beats so fast and god ! U dont even think that you have seen such beautiful brown eyes and a smile

_fem stripper dazai which does not look different or special from other club girls. Dark hair and dark eyes, but something about her makes her very attractive and special.

_fem stripper dazai who take her hoodie from her personal closet in the club and gives it to you when u shiver from coldness

_fem stripper dazai who doesn't believe in love but she may feel her heart drops in her hand every time u laugh or when she saw u in her hoddie

_fem stripper dazai, who drives u home when your friend wont show up and u promise to give her hoddie back

_fem stripper dazai who jerked off that night in her bed with thought of u

Part 2 👇

[cpvnksabm]

Things I Think RTC Did Well In Disability Rep (in 2016-2018 scripts)

exactly what it says in the title. i'm not touching on the pre-2016 scripts because i dont know enough about them and i'm not talking about the 2022 script changes for obvious reasons.

disclaimer, this is all my own opinion as one disabled person, other people may feel differently and that's fine.

Ricky's disability in general

Ricky is a young person who uses mobility aids. He can't talk, implicitly due to dysarthria. He has a degenerative disease, specifically a rare disease which is heavily implied to be neuromuscular. And it's stated outright that his disease is lifespan-limiting and that he's dealt with his own mortality in life.

And all of these things are very underrepresented!

I'm not going to claim that all of these things were explained perfectly or explored in detail in the canon. But just having them on-stage, in my opinion, is a big deal in itself. And it's also a big deal that Ricky is a main character, who has the same character depth as the abled characters, when so many characters like him are reduced to ableist props for other characters' story arcs.

I understand there's been some confusion about the specifics of ricky's disability, in the fandom. And I know part of the confusion comes from the fact that the script didn't explain everything, and glossed over most of the details. But honestly? The fact that so many RTC fans didn't initially understand parts of his disability - such as the fact that it's likely neuromuscular, or the fact that his inability to speak is implied to have a physical cause - just makes it more important that these things were represented on-stage in the first place. They're so underrepresented, little-known, and poorly-understood that many people don't pick up on them even when they are represented!

Just showing these underrepresented disabled experiences on-stage has potential to help a lot of disabled people feel seen, which matters.

Ricky as a victim of ableism

Okay, this one might be controversial, but i'm speaking from the heart here.

Ableism is a huge part of Ricky's backstory and character - the whole Zolar thing is stated to be a coping method to deal with isolation & cruelty. Throughout the musical Ocean infantilizes him in dialogue, and in her song she argues point-blank that he has no reason to be alive due to his disability. The rest of the choir aren't perfect either - sure, nobody else says anything ableist, but they're all bystanders to Ocean's overt ableism, nobody really holds her accountable or acknowledges that what she's saying is fucked up. On top of that, Ricky says after his song that nobody listened to him while he was alive which, combined with the whole choir being shocked upon learning about his deeper thoughts, pretty clearly implies that they all ignored him previously.

And it's so fucking realistic.

Look. I'm not saying that Ocean's ableism was ever handled perfectly in canon. I am saying that when I saw a post-2022 production with the able-bodied Ricky script, I got a sinking feeling in my gut when we got to *that* part of WTWN and I realized the ableist lines had been removed/replaced. Because facing ableism is a huge part of my disabled experience that I barely ever see even acknowledged in media, let alone represented accurately, and the more I face ableism in real life the more I feel I can relate to Ricky, and that is so important to me.

Depicting bigotry in fiction is always difficult to do right - it's a rough balance between "this is not okay and we should not imply that it is" and "many people believe this is okay, wrongly, and that needs to be shown accurately". Sure, you can make it so the antagonist character is overtly ableist and every sympathetic character explicitly says "I do not agree with your ableist views!" and that way it's 100% clear that the ableist actions are wrong. But real ableism isn't just like that. Sometimes real-world ableism is a group of perfectly nice people who just never think about the disabled kid, or how he's doing or whether someone should talk to him, because they've been taught to ignore him. And sometimes it's a girl who swears to God that she's a good person, who considers herself an ally, whose voice stays sweet and kind as she switches between talking to her disabled classmate like he's 5 years old and claiming he doesn't deserve to live.

I think the brutal honesty of ableism in RTC is important. Yeah, it's pretty fucked-up when you think about it - Ocean openly sings about why Ricky shouldn't live, every ableist character is presented sympathetically, nobody is ever actually held accountable for ableism on-stage - and that's just like real life. I'd like to think that it could act as a wake-up call to some abled fans, who are similar to Ocean (+ others) and who could learn to understand the flaws in their worldview when they realize you're not supposed to agree with what she says in WTWN. But even more importantly than that... it makes me feel seen, in a way that I couldn't feel if Ricky's experiences with ableism weren't shown so realistically.

SABM, like, all of it

Do I even need to explain this? Disabled person has a whole furry-themed musical number. That's cool as fuck. God I wish that were me.

Okay, seriously. I think SABM is wonderful and important for a number of reasons. Like all of the character songs, it's important for expanding Ricky's character - not only is it a main glimpse into his interests, but it sets up for us to learn more about his personality and the selflessness that would later lead to the touching Savannah scene. It shows us his deep internal thoughts - it confirms that he has deep internal thoughts - and explains how he's been coping with the ableism he faces.

SABM is weird. I like that. I like that Ricky gets to have weird interests and a weird self-insert fantasy, while being disabled - I like that being disabled isn't treated as his "weird" trait, such that giving him weird interests as well would be "too much". Because that happens a lot! Disabled people are expected to be completely average in every other way to "make up" for our disability. And, yeah, SABM is kind of horny - and that makes sense! Ricky is a teenager, he's in his final year of high school, most people his age do have sexual fantasies. Other characters also reference sex in various ways so it makes sense that Ricky would. And I think it makes sense for SABM to be weird because part of Ricky's backstory is being ignored and isolated due to his disability - that's the sort of thing that, long-term, can leave people without a clear reference point for 'weird' and 'normal', or just leave them having no reason to care about being 'weird' because they're ignored anyway.

But also, if I may get analytical for a moment. Throughout the musical until SABM, Ricky faces a lot of ableism from Ocean, which isn't really commented on - she infantilizes him, both by assuming he's incapable of deeper thought/understanding and by being shocked at the idea that he might talk about porn or sex, and she also argues that he doesn't have a reason to live with his disability. Ocean is a flawed character and an unreliable narrator, but for the first half of the musical, you could be forgiven for thinking maybe you're supposed to agree with her and view Ricky as some pitiable child.

And then in comes Ricky's introduction, followed by SABM. And clearly Ricky isn't mentally a child, in any way - he's developed a whole complex story with deep worldbuilding so that he can imagine himself having sex with alien catgirls. But it also makes it clear that Ricky does have valuable ideas to contribute and, heck, just things he enjoys - which feels significant to me when a few songs ago it was being argued that there's no reason he should be alive.

As I said earlier, the ableism Ricky faces is extremely realistic and relatable to me. And SABM makes it clear that Ocean's ableist views about him are untrue and harmful, without breaking the realism for her to turn directly to the audience and say "By the way, you aren't supposed to agree with most of what I say about Ricky - I'm an unreliable narrator speaking due to my own biases!"

Basically - SABM is a subtle deconstruction of all the ableist things said to/about Ricky throughout the musical. It's an incredibly important part of the musical and an important way to represent a disabled character. And it's also a fucking bop.

Why this is important

Representation matters. That's a concept that has been explained a lot, by people who can articulate it better than I can - I won't fully explain here, just google "why does representation matter".

Look - over the years, many aspects of RTC's disability rep have been criticised in various ways. And a lot of that criticism is completely justified. Many topics were handled confusingly, not fully explained, and not properly explored like they could have been; erasure was pretty much baked into the script, with Ricky becoming able-bodied in the afterlife, and while some productions have tried to alleviate this by retaining his mobility aids nobody has found a workaround for his inability to speak in a genre where it's important for him to sing; and in recent years his disability has been entirely erased from the script, in an incredibly ableist way.

I'm not saying RTC is perfect; far from it. But if I thought there was no value in RTC's disability rep, and Ricky was just some offensive caricature, I wouldn't be in the fandom.

In fact, it's because I love Ricky and see him as valuable disability rep that I think it's important to criticise the parts of the musical that aren't handled well & the issues with disability erasure. RTC had good disability rep - that's why I think it should be improved, why it can be improved, and why i think we should fight against erasure. That's a big part of why I hate the 2022 script changes! Because they erased something that was important to me!

A lot of the things I loved about RTC in the first place are things that I frequently see glossed over, or downright erased, in fanworks. I think sometimes people don't realize the significance of these details, so I wanted to share why I think it's important! Some of these details really need more exploration and more love!

Overall, I think it's important to understand that media can't always be sorted neatly into "good representation" or "bad representation". And that talking about the good things and criticising the flaws can both be important. I really wanted to share my perspective on this topic. Thanks for reading!

[sweetmoons]

Appreciating Quackity's hard work and hoping him the best AND realizing he fucked up big time can mutually exist. Now to address some talking points

"He had his p*do brother working on the project":

This is literally all speculation and one of the past admins even said they don't think it's him. Quackity states it isn't true but says he can't speak further on the subject since its being handled with the proper authorities likely meaning the person involved in this that is a groomer has had the police contacted on them and it's now become a legal case. He can't show you proof without compromising the case and potentially putting more individuals in danger.

"Hes a big creator he should get over the doxing":

You are bat shit insane if you think this. Quackity currently lives in America a place notoriously known for deadly police force ESPECIALLY against people of color and immigrants. If he were to get swated the likelihood of him getting injured is much higher than that of a White American getting swatted which may I just say is already super high. People die during police raids very often in America.

"Fuck [the admin who first made a statement] this is all her fault"

Listen to yourself for 5 seconds you absolute bumbling idiot. Do you really think that will help this situation? She and the other admins have every right to speak out about their past experiences and hold Quackity accountable for his mistakes. I'm not even gonna say her name because of the amount of negative attention she's already getting from Twitter and I dont want people with poor intentions to seek her out. The issue comes from the mistake of leaking his information which people then weaponized against him which was NOT her intention.

"Quackity is sending his fans to harras the past admins"

You are also a fucking dumbass if you think after him speaking about the dangers of doxing and death threats he is trying to get people to dox and send death threats to the past admins. I do agree he should've made a statement asking people not to harras the past admins at the beginning of this stream. But this is different then him directly saying her name or replying directly to the tweet like some other creators have done in the past .

Conclusion: No one here is perfect. Believe it or not people make mistakes and what matters is the willingness to change and take accountability. This isn't the end of the god damn world this is a learning experience for everyone involved and an opportunity to do better in the future and in Quackitys case to mend his past mistakes. Now if it turns out that Quackity was facilitating a groomer with full knowledge of what they were doing then this situation becomes infinitely worse and should be handled accordingly, but really the only proof right now is word of mouth and some admins saying it is that person and others saying it isn't so immediately assuming that what was said on Twitter is true isn't the wisest idea.

[nakylvr]

dealer!dani angst 😭😭 (waiting for part 2).

dealer!dani is getting so popular omg… but hear me out… what if we had a streamer!megan?

-🪼

im gonna be so real i dont really watch streamers like. at all so thats why this took so long...but im here now!! so lets talk about it 😁

warnings/tags: fluff, streamer!megan, f!reader, mild language, established relationship, nsfw content under the cut

streamer!megan who told you that she was a streamer the second you asked why she had such a big recording set up in her bedroom, grinning while excitedly explaining everything to you. she knows most people don't think it's a real job, so she feels quite reassured when you tell her how cool you think it is that all she has to do is play video games while recording herself and she makes money off it. she goes into detail about every piece of her set up like it's her most prized possession, then turning red when realizing how much she was ranting about it before you assure her that it's cute to see her so excited about it

streamer!megan who unfortunately will keep you up in the middle of the night because she's streaming a brand new game that just released. even though she's usually quiet when she's focused on playing, she has to answer questions or comments people are putting in the chat. however if it's any type of fps, fortnite, or a scary game, she will probably start yelling halfway through leaving you throwing a pillow at her to either be quiet or turn it off. which she then apologizes over and over again the next morning when you clearly didn't sleep

streamer!megan who will try to make you play games with her, practically begging on her knees saying that she won't even be streaming and that she just wants to play with you. when you eventually give in she has you sitting there with her for hours playing different games to see what is the best for you and how you play in different games. she'll play fortnite with you, but she will probably end up leaving you behind or you end up dying because she didn't hear you ask her for bandages fifteen times. minecraft is probably the best bet for you two to play together unless it's a scary game, in which you two keep switching who's playing before just turning it off and attempting to sleep.

streamer!megan who will take you to E3 and other gaming conventions with her, even if you try to say no, she's already bought everything and it's all booked. she stays by your side the whole time, her hand never letting go of yours knowing how crowded and chaotic the environment of any convention can get. she buys everything she sees in sight along with anything you want, food, figurines, autographs, exclusive games, everything. she doesn't hesitate to spend her money on things you want or like, even if you try telling her you don't want it, she will still buy it for you. this does mean you have to meet other streamers as well at these conventions, but most of them are nice she reassures you and that she talks to a lot of them or plays with them

streamer!megan who accidentally revealed you to all her followers when she started a live while you were gone, forgetting you would be coming back resulting in you walking into her room and wrapping your arms around her shoulders, not realizing she was live while giving her a quick kiss. she freaks out the second after, and quickly starts explaining she's streaming and that everyone watching just saw, making you freeze thinking you fucked up. megan reassures you that you didn't mess anything up when she sees your face drop, grabbing your hand and pulling you onto her lap and deciding to take it as the opportunity to go public. needless to say, her fans love you

streamer!megan who essentially doesn't sleep, whether she's streaming or not she's playing games into the late night as you lay on the bed trying to convince her to sleep. you managed to come up with a few different ways to get her off the games, some not so as innocent as others when she isn't streaming. when she eventually goes to sleep it's so late that she's still asleep when you get up in the morning like normal, her arms around you in a tight grip to keep you from moving much, leaving you forced to sleep more. not that you'd complain. except for when she wakes up and whines about how tired she is and you tell her again that if she didn't stay up so late that she wouldn't be so tired

streamer!megan who eventually convinces you to play with her while she's streaming, telling you it'll be fun and that she promises she will be fair when playing (she cheats.). you tell her it has to be a game you like though, and she will agree immediately, grinning widely when it's all set up and she starts the live. that being said, no matter what game you're playing, she isn't really paying attention to the game or the chat like she normally would, instead her gaze keeps lingering on you as you genuinely enjoy playing with her while thousands of people watch. her fans notice it instantly, and when you realize and question her on it, she almost cries when explaining that it just makes her so happy to have someone who really enjoys being with her to the point they'd be live in front of thousands playing video games

streamer!megan who is so easy to shop for during the holidays or her birthday. all you have to do is go through her steam cart, see what new games have released she doesn't have yet, or look on gamestop and easily be able to find multiple things for her. she gets so excited, jumping up and down like s little kid no matter what she opens and gets, kissing you multiple times saying how much she loves and appreciates you

streamer!megan who you've figured out how to get her off the game when she's not streaming by touching yourself and purposefully emphasizing your moans just to see her head snap backwards with wide eyes when she hears what you're doing, immediately getting off the game no matter if she remembered to save the file or not

streamer!megan who begs to touch you when you're pleasuring yourself to get her off the game, only for you to tell her she isn't allowed to, causing her to whine and beg more to just get one taste of you

streamer!megan who you've eaten out while under her desk and she's streaming, your eyes staring up at her as she tries to keep quiet before ending up turning off the stream and game to grab your hair and push you closer to her

streamer!megan who's hands you've tied behind her back while she sits in her gaming chair and you give her a lap dance. she squirms around so much, begging you to untie her hands so she can touch you to the point tears well in her eyes

streamer!megan who asks if she can take pictures and even record during the act, promising they'll stay on her phone only solely for when you're not around and she's needy.

streamer!megan who sits you on her lap when she's playing and not streaming, not realizing the way you keep moving around until you're fully grinding against her thigh. her eyes go wide when she does realize, pausing the game to put her hands on your hips to drag you along her thigh, murmuring how dirty you are to act like this while she's playing

[spaloonbabooguuscooties]

You could drink your whole life away and still never get that taste out of your mouth.

half commission for @salempie half completely self indulgent dreck pieced together from our insane conversations abt franke and elka. told myself id finally write a big explanation for all of the dum shit between these two for context so Thats Under The Cut.

so I already wrote some stuff about elka and franke's relationship back in whispering rock so feel free to look at that too . it goes over elkas blindness/‘seeing’ with clairvoyance and how her and franke started talking & all that good stuff

SO FOR STARTERS. a lot of thsi wont make sense without a big breakdown of elka herself. because elkas potential as a character is like insane to me. like just the idea of her in the long run of her life reads as something so potentially tragic; a young girl whos plagued with visions of doom and destined to be an outcast even in her own home for things she cant control and clings to the One vision of her wedding that she thinks is 'happy' even despite the fact she doesnt really love the person in it. im choosing to take the li-po doc as canon here because its funny shes the only one with backstory-

but my fucking god even the smallest look into what her parents are like is soo fucked up to me. and i do think elka especially gets a lot of influence from her mother; its funny how easily you can fit mabel doom into a box just from what elka says about her. knees deep in an avon-esque pyramid scheme and leaning into her daughters depressing ass visions & taking her to therapy at age 11 (which would be good if not for the kind of person you can already assume she is & so i doubt the therapist she has really does her any good. i think they share one). she reads as a very I Am My Daughters Best Friend type of mom to me and i can see elka being a centerpiece of the conversation when she has her Amway Girls over for drinks. wine-mom that lets her kid sip from the glass so she can feel like a big girl type deal.

and you can tell that elka is trying to hard to be too mature for her age even in her campster posts. how she writes letters to nils' mom and exchanges baking recipes with her and that feels like she really only interacts with middle aged women and not really many people her own age outside of camp (like her moms friends). which makes sense shed feel the need to ‘grow up’ early when shes probably had to process so many hard things at a young age bc of her visions.

theres a lot of filling the blanks here of course.

elka obsesses over nils to an overbearing degree even despite the fact he treats her like shit ('you promised no talking' and so on) and she treats him bad right back. she leans onto stereotypical heterosexual ideals like taking care of him and overblowing how Manly and Protective JT is and she admires romance stories like pride and prejudice and it feels like she Projects Soooooooo much of what she wants onto boys she barely feels anything for without knowing what its actually supposed to feel like. and clearly she WANTS that ideal future, a happy marriage, an actual romance- but according to nils even when they were dating she ignored him most of the time, which just seems Very Telling

like shes filling a role, overcompensating for emotions and lacktherof she cant digest quite yet, and it only makes more sense when you know shes had visions of their future together. how could that be bad for her? shouldnt it be like the books and movies? but she doesnt really connect the fact that her visions are only for Doomed futures, and if she does she certainly doesnt show it. Doomed relationships. it's been a part of her family for generations and she isn't turning out much different, is she? i dont think she even realizes thats all she ever sees yet, just that its Going to happen. that it's Her future, and it always will be

and like, her only reference for a real marriage so far has been her own parents, and she already Knows they have an affair, and theyre doomed to split, (and i actually like to think they were in rough waters anyway and elka was a child meant to mend a crumbling marriage but thats a whole other thing) and so without a framework for what an actual healthy relationship is supposed to be like she cant really grasp that her relationship with nils Isnt that and isnt ever going to be. she can only cling to this one happy idea of the future, and thats why she keeps chasing him, self fulfilling the actuality of her situation and creating and fostering the unhappy life they will inevitably live together.

and that bleeds into everything else in her life, of course, because as the years go on, as the visions grow in number it just makes sense for her to fall into the predictability of her life. she always knows whats going to happen, her visions are Never wrong- so why try to change things? shes had time to process tragedies days, weeks, months, years before they happen, shes had time to settle into every crack of her life. her parents divorce, her various break ups, her future with the psychonauts.

“and she's already seen so much of a future with [nils] she feels trapped almost. Like she has to be happy in it or else it just means her life is miserable. And it's a mixture of pride and fear of the unknown that keeps her clinging to the One thing she knows. BUT LIKE!!! She knows what's gonna happen! It's easier to grieve when she's been grieving for years... She wants so badly to be happy, But to do that she has to step into the unfamiliar. And that's more terrifying than staying the same miserable person she's always been.”

and thats where franke comes in— and yeah you Do have to take a lot of liberties for frankes character since it’s basically, like, all the info for her is just that shes a Supreme Baby Dyke but thats enough for me. i think she has protective butch itch in her . on campster shes defensive over other women evidenced in the way she keeps watch over the girls cabins for lili when elton is pursuing her . but shes also eager to please and constantly trying to make kitty laugh and also Very naive. but she tries! and i think it only solidifies more as she gets Older and really gets a hold of her feelings & her powers. this is incredibly franke to me

and i think as they grow older together— because i think franke and elka Do stay friends, both because elka is just pathetic and needs that positive connection even if she doesnt realize it and because i think franke is a very Loyal person & annoyingly persistent if you let her be . and i am also a kitty/franke truther. because kittys also important in this web we weave

because i think franke and kitty stay together after camp, to a point— theres a falling out facilitated on kittys end and they break up, but reconnect, and franke kind of... saves kitty from herself a little, from her strict military father whos love only extends thru finances , from her own stifling future , she drives all the way to bakersville in her shitty van handmedowned from her dad and they move in together eventually . they get jobs at the motherlobe , because it’s a pipeline to a decent job, because it’s whats easy, because franke doesn’t really have a future, because she’s never really been good at much, because shes never had much sense, because franke doesnt really care as long as she can live and help, sometimes, if she can, and because kitty’s there, and because elka’s there, and shes so used to being elkas eyes now and shes good at it. shes good at being the muscle of the missions when her colleagues lack it, when hypnosis and predictions arent enough. she likes it that way.

and elka appreciates frankes company. she listens, shes sweet, she does little things for her that no ones ever really put the effort for before; she likes her. franke is strong and bold and makes her laugh and shes always there but god elka cant let go of that future, of that box shes put herself in, that her mothers put her in, of being a Good Wife to a Loving Husband, of getting married normally and falling into unfailing familiarity. thats all shes ever wanted and shes not going to jeopardize that . not for franke, who may not be a boy but is handsome like one, whos always held her after every break up with nils and the men that filled empty days inbetween.

and elka is too stubborn to recognize those feelings anyway. too prideful to accept a way out. too set in her cycle no matter how much she hates it, her little self fulfilling tragedy of her own making, wallowing in her own doom. she struggles for control of her own life when she feels like every choice has been made for her anyway, she puts up her walls and carefully constructs what people see. but franke was always harder to trick, because while empathy isnt a particularly useful psychic power it’s certainly an inconvenient one. all franke has to do is get too close and all those carefully crafted walls fall apart, and elkas control is gone, and thats all she really has. and she tries to distance herself, really she does, but franke is also too persistent. and elka wears gloves, keeps contact that would make her walls crumble from happening as best as she can, but she cant really keep herself from the brief moments where she feels like someone actually fucking cares about her.

and that slightest lack of control, the need to wrestle it back is why she proposes to nils the next time theres a falling out— she knows how it happens, she plans every detail. and he accepts, despite everything. gets her a cheap ring and it feels like lead on her finger and its nothing at all like how shed thought it to be when she was a kid, theres no feather light feeling in her chest, only that dreadful reality that she cant turn this back. BUT WHAT CAN U DO LMAO

elka doesnt tell franke about this engagement until later, on their way back from a mission. late at night when neither of them can sleep, and franke invites elka to smoke in her van, because its been so long since theyve been alone like that, because elkas been so strangely absent lately. and because of everything, because frankes always so damn nice, because elka hates the feel of the ring on her finger, because she let herself get high alone with franke fucking athens whos always been so good at pulling her apart— the truth of it all spills out and its messy and emotional and she hates it, she hates the life shes made for herself, but franke makes it easier to bare and now shes here and shes so close and god she wishes she could see her smile again, she wishes she could see franke, thats all she needs right now and she cant but she can touch her and she can hold her and for tonight, she can be known, she can let those walls crumble, she can be something else just for once here with franke . she can kiss her here in this van, touch that happiness for just a moment, and forget the future that waits for her outside of it. franke begs her to forget the wedding, to just let herself be happy— and god, she wants to, but it means turning her back on everything shes known and everything shes saw to be inevitable, and franke has never been in her future, so if it were supposed to work out why hadnt she seen it and she cant, she cant take that risk but she can have this, even if its temporary, she can have it.

and just as soon as she gets a taste of it, its gone. after that night, after the missions over and theyre back at the motherlobe and have to pretend like nothing happened (franke doesnt, of course she tells kitty about it, she tells kitty about everything.) but that brief moment together haunts elka every time she sees franke, sees herself through frankes eyes, sees herself in her wedding dress because god its all franke can think about! of course it is! she knows how much elkas destroying herself she knows how much misery shes wallowing in that kiss in the van felt like an emotional punch to the teeth and she hasnt ever forgotten it and all she can do is sit and watch while elka throws herself into a loveless marriage. she can come to her wedding and see the way the bride and groom kiss with the emotional weight of a wet towel no matter how hard elka tries to hide it under a pretty dress and bouquets of flowers and meticulous planning.

and elka resents nils but she cant really hate him, its not his fault, not really. he feels trapped just like she does and his feelings of misery only cycle back into hers . they fight and gnash and wear away at each other and its a relationship thats crashed and burned a million times before elka even said i do. and its inevitable that she falls into her mothers habits, a sip of wine here and there to loosen up, until it turns to a glass, until it falls into a bottle on nights when whatever work nils does runs late.

but franke’s still there. shes always been there, hasn’t she? always trying to play knight, always trying to save her, dragging her home when shes stumbling over herself because god who else is going to do it but her? who else is left to care? certainly not nils. never nils. because franke knows her. because franke pities her. shes always pitied her. shes always known. and elka hates it, she resents it, but god in the same breath she’s desperate for it, she envies it to her very bones. elka is a mess but after frankes done with her she has someone to go back to that loves her. and god what elka wouldnt do to have that. to take it and keep it for herself because shes never ever got to have that movie romance shes always wanted.

so now comes this.

because elkas particularly miserable and particularly spiteful and she needs to get franke to understand, just for a moment, drink with her and get on her level and she needs her there with her no matter how her pity makes her feel. no matter how much it makes her shake with anger and envy and desperation, but god the way franke looks at her, the way she still tries to salvage what they have, the soft, slurred way she tells her that it’s okay but its not okay, none of this is okay, it never has been and she just wants franke to shut up and see that, and if she cant then she’ll show her, she’ll show her all the raw angry desperation, with too much teeth and hands that claw and grab and she’ll know why everyones always said she’s too much.

and she knows this puts her on nils’ level too. that this makes her a cheater, that shes no better than he is now. no better than her father and his affair. but god, she wants to be selfish. she wants to be in control. just for once. she wants to feel right and she wants to feel happy and she wants to feel loved. thats all shes ever wanted. and franke will let her have that, just for a little while, at the very least.

anyway. sorry. sorry for being crazy . this isnt even getting into the shit after the comic takes place . elkas stupid brainworld thag she has to overcome in order to finally be allowed in the polycule and live happily ever as worlds first lesbian divorceman

sorry for all the shit i make up instead of caring about actual characters with screentime . bye !

[bytedykes]

one thing i noticed (and loved!!!!) in nimona is the different eye-shine shapes. specifically the way they changed as the story progressed, specifically focusing on ballister and ambrosius

[ID: screenshots of Ambrosius and Ballister speaking. They both have a similarly shaped, rhomboid, square diamond eye shine. /end ID]

in this first scene their eyeshines are a very similar square diamond shape. they still share it right after the part where ambrosius cuts ballister's arm off

[ID: screenshots of the two of them looking at each other, both still with a matching eyeshine shape. /end ID]

however immediately after, when ballister falls through the hole in the platform we get a brief shot of his face:

[ID: slightly blurry closeup of Ballister's face. His eye shines now seem more square. /end ID]

later we see ballister creating his new arm, and immediately after when nimona knocks on the door we see his eyes again, and the shines are completely square. not really any ambiguity to it, the tilt of them is entirely gone

[ID: closeup of Ballister's face, the eyeshines now square with the flat edge on the bottom. /end ID]

ballister isnt super consistent with this, but from here on his eyeshines remain mostly square. there are a few moments when they tilt again to resemble how they were in the first scene, eg. when he's telling nimona he's not a villain, and when she reminds him that ambrosius cut off his arm and he tells her its complicated, as well as more later that i wont get into now

[ID: screenshots of the above mentioned scenes, in both Ballister's eyeshines have a more oblong rhomboid vertically-oriented shape. /end ID]

BUT!!! a bit later, when he and nimona bump into ambrosius as they're breaking out of the castle,

[ID: screenshots of Ambrosius and Ballister looking at each other, both again with diamond shaped eyeshines. /end ID]

wow look at that they match again! ballister's are a bit more square and ambrosius's are more elongated, but again they have a very similar shape! however immediately after...

[ID: closeups of Ballister's face. In the first his eyeshines are square, in the second they are more diamond shaped. /end ID]

the first screenshot here is when he says "did you see the way he looked at me?" to nimona. the second is right after he says "he really thinks I killed the queen." by this point you probably can tell where i'm going with this post

also this is the part where i just now noticed nimona's upper earring on her left ear is a star hoop :) very neat

nimona snaps ballister out of his daze (square again), makes him promise he wont freak out (still square) and then he rides off on rhino-nimona (square). when he sees and almost runs over ambrosius in the hallway, the brief seconds he's looking at him, his eyeshines tilt again into a diamond. no screenshot of this one because it's hard to get the timing right on motion shots

when ballister wakes up back at the lair they're square again

[ID: screenshot of Bal in the lair, his eyeshines square. /end ID]

when he's looking at the photo wall (at ambrosius's photo specifically) i expected them to become diamonds again, but here they stay square! i am quickly realizing this post is mostly an excuse to stare closely at ballister's big baby seal eyes

[ID: screenshot of Ambrosius's photo, where his eyeshines are upright triangles. /end ID]

in the photo ambrosius's eyeshines are triangles which isn't a shape we've seen on him before. i dont think this really means anything though its just neat

skipping to the part where ambrosius says he'll be the one to hunt down ballister, his eyeshines are triangular here too, in person this time

[ID: closeup of Ambrosius's face. His eyeshines are triangular. /end ID]

during his declaration to "find ballister, and bring him to me" however his eyeshines are briefly diamond shaped again

[ID: Ambrosius looking down in sadness or resignation, with diamond eyeshines. /end ID]

back to bal. in the subway, both nimona's version of ballister and the real ballister have square eyeshines.

[ID: Nimona-as-Ballister with a pathetic expression, and the real Ballister with a disapproving one. Both have square eyeshines. /end ID]

in the next scene where the knights are looking at the subway footage, ambrosius's eyeshine shape has changed again:

[ID: closeups of Ambrosius's face. He has oblong reverse triangle eyeshines. /end ID]

they are now long triangles. my eyesight isnt awesome so the first time i watched this part i thought they were hearts :) but theyre triangles

i dont have it in me to rewatch the entire movie for this post so skipping to way later when ballister is trying to convince ambrosius the director is the one behind the queen's murder. the lines said are important here too

[ID: Ambrosius's face right before Ballister pulls out the phone with the video proof. Second image is Ballister's face after the phone is shot from his hand. Ambrosius has diamond eyeshines and Bal has square ones. /end ID]

the line bal is saying in that screenshot is "it doesn't matter. you shouldn't need proof. you know i'm not a murderer." then:

[ID: Ambrosius is pointing a sword at Ballister. Ballister's eyeshines are square, Ambrosius's are hard to see but resemble diamonds. /end ID]

AND THEN:

[ID: Ambrosius looking up at Nimona when she shoots into the air. His eyeshines are triangles. /end ID]

during their nacho meetup at the [checks notes] tavern? bar? nacho place? whatever. their eyeshines are square and triangle respectively

[ID: three consecutive shots of their conversation. Ballister has square eyeshines; then Ambrosius has triangular eyeshines; the last picture is of Ambrosius putting his hand over Ballister's prosthetic one. /end ID]

their shapes remain this way for a while until a key moment where ballister looks at nimona's rampage and realizes he fucked up BAD

[ID: closeup of Ballister's face, with distinctly diamond eyeshines. Behind him a fire rages. /end ID]

it's not clear in the screenshot but the fire in the background is ALSO diamond shaped which probably means nothing but again, is pretty neat

and then yeah basically from there their eyeshines stay the same shape to the end of the movie including the epilogue. i cant add any more images to this post though so i will have to stop here!!! just take my word for it. their (i say their but i really mean ballister's, because ambrosius doesn't get any more good eye shots after the beginning of the epilogue) stay their respective shape until the very end

"wow, nik, this post was beyond pointless" you might be thinking and yeah maybe!!! this may be all coincidence and i may be looking for things that are not even remotely there!!! but guess what i sat here for over an hour taking screenshots and putting this post together so by god i WILL see it to its end

my idea is that the changing eyeshine shapes represent their paths splitting and then coming back together again. at the beginning they have the same eyeshine shape; they're together, they understand each other, they think the same way. (this is a good time for me to note that the director's eyeshine shape is also a vertically oriented rhombus.)

then the betrayal happens. ballister kills the queen, ambrosius cuts of ballister's arm. they still have the same eyeshine shape here; but then ballister falls and ambrosius doesn't fall with him. this is where they separate - this is the betrayal

after making himself a prosthetic ballister's eyeshines are a different shape, more clearly now. he is apart from ambrosius, they're no longer a unit. however his eyeshines still appear as diamonds occasionally, namely in moments where he's with or thinking about ambrosius (or the institute, im mainly thinking of the "im not a villain" line when he's thinking i'm still a knight, i'm still good)

ambrosius's eyeshines are still the same diamond-like shape. when he and ballister see each other again they briefly share a shape again. it's not as similar anymore, and they're not the same as they were. there's still this rift of betrayal between them. but in that moment they're having, well, a moment

in the closet when he's thinking of ambrosius's betrayal (did you see the way he looked at me?) his eyeshines change between square and diamond

then cut to ambrosius, who's eyeshines are also a different shape now: when he's formalizing his betrayal to he and ballister's relationship, officially declaring that he will be the one to hunt him down. but there's a moment where his armor is being put on where he looks down with guilt and diamond shaped eyeshines

i dont even want to talk about the subway footage part because i still keep mistaking the long triangles for hearts which is killing me. killing me DEAD. if his eyeshines were really hearts when he was saying things like "something doesn't feel right, he hates freestyle jazz" i think i'd just explode or something. moving on

during the confrontation at the institute, before ballister tries to pull out the phone and is telling ambrosius he has proof, ambrosius's eyeshines are diamonds! just like in the beginning! i think here it's more representative of how he wants to believe ballister, despite the director whispering in his ear not to, how he badly wants for all of this to be a misunderstanding and for proof that ballister didn't betray the institute, didn't betray him. he doesn't want to lose his best friend (and more)

but ballister's eyeshines are square here- like he says a few seconds later, "you shouldn't need proof." he's being betrayed again, ambrosius doesn't believe in him after all. but even when pointing a sword at ballister he looks at him with diamond eyeshines. when nimona begins doing her thing his eyeshines are triangles again, like he and ballister are fully diverging paths again

you get the idea. their eyeshines are representing of their emotions about, and relationship with each other. so then why don't they go back to the diamond shape at the end of the movie? why are their eyeshines different even when it's clear that they've made up, they're happy now, things are different?

well i DO have an explanation for this. things are different now! they're no longer under the thumb of the institute (is this a good time to mention again that the director's eyeshines are also diamonds), a section of the wall is down, the kingdom is different! it's changing!

and so have they! the way i'm choosing to read into this, is that they're not the same people as they were at the beginning of the movie. they're not both brainwashed into thinking the same way, having the same ideology where cutting off your boyfriend's arm instead of disarming him isn't only justifiable, it's what's expected. now they're their own people, who aren't under constant pressure of a legacy or an institute. they've grown! and now it's okay that they don't think the exact same, because they love each other, and are now capable of loving each other like this

tldr this movie is great i love it here :)

obviously this might all just be a coincidence and im just overthinking it lol but whatever i spent this long reading into it i might as well hit post

edit: people have mentioned that ND retweeted stuff relating to this so it IS intentional! yayy i love being right

also for the love of god do not add undescribed images to this post. it takes like two seconds to describe a screenshot just use the same formula ive used for every single image here. please i can't keep doing this

[starr666]

Cw: submissive!idia shroud x fem!dom!camgirl, whip usage, slight embarrassment kink?,

Minors dni

By scrolling past the line below, you are consenting to seeing nsfw content

————————————————-

Fem dom cam girl reader x Idia Shroud

He lost the bet— Idia Shroud, Gloomurai— the forever anxious, introverted, gamer boy, who’s only stroke of confidence comes from his smarts or his expertise in the world of gaming— had lost the bet to her. His best (and only) friend had beaten him at a new fighting game that came out, loser had to do whatever the winner says…and who knew that it would lead to his best friend having him laying on her luxurious bed with nothing but a cover over his shivering body and high quality cameras covering the different spots in the room, y’know, for perspective. While she stood at the edge of the bed, body adorned in black lingerie, royal blue bows accenting the corset-like middle, and fishnets her curves more defined than ever. She looked down at Idia with rope and a leather whip in one hand, gently swiping it across the other gloved hand and some rope tucked under her arm. An assortment of dildos that were compatible with her strap’s harness.

“A loser’s debt is quite deep, isn’t it, Gloomurai~? Now be a dear and wave to that camera for me, hm?”

The blue haired man attempted to further hide himself under the cover to hide the ends of his hair turning a bright pink, but as soon as his arm was up, she briskly made work of him with the rope, arms behind his back in a beautiful style. She pressed down onto his back and he immediately knew that meant for him to have his ass up for her and the cameras to see, and the next thing he feels is the whip making contact with his ass.

crack

“Since you dont know how to follow directions, you won’t be able to touch me through this whole process…now, go on, look at that camera riiight in front of you and tell them why you’re in this predicament.”

His head lifts to look at the camera that showed his face and he is already struggling to stop himself from drooling from the first hit

“I-I- l-lost tHe bet—” he stuttered out, his voice slightly cracking from the pressure

CRACK

“Louder, less stuttering.”

“A-ah~, yes ma’am— I lost the gaming bet to you.”

“And what does that mean for you?” her tone dropped, the words almost coming out in a hush but still loud enough for the microphones to pick up on

“That I…have to join your cam show for the day-“

“Good boy~.”her gloved fingers were already covered with lube and she wasted no time pressing her middle and ring finger into his ass, already meeting his prostate and feeling him clench in pleasure.

“Oh you poor thing, have you been anticipating such an opportunity with me? You’re already clenching around me~”

“Mm~N-no- ma’am.“

slap

“Are you sure? Because mistress doesn’t like liars” her other hand was wrapped around his throat, the statement was growled into his ear

“O-okay…m-maybe a little bit…”

another slap to his ass was made and he let out a screechy moan

“Cut the shit, you’re my biggest donor, aren’t you~”

his hair turned completely pink as he realized that she knew from the beginning…but he didn’t find much time to bask in such a thought after she added another two fingers, which were essentially sucked in by his needy hole

“Tsk…tsk…tsk, what a pathetic slut. Might as well make it worth your while, top donor~”

He tried to keep it quiet but the microphones still picked up on his gulp and whine that followed shortly after he no longer felt the fingers in his ass. Before he gets the chance to ask what happened, he groans as he feels a sudden fullness take over him

“Ohmygoditssofuckingbig” he whispered under his breath

“Oh…you think that’s big darling? This is just from my starter pack…I’m going to fuck you until you can truly call me your top donor~”

A/N: hehehe, get it, like a top who is also a sperm donor-

[personasintro]

i know mentioming kiko triggers most of the readers but i think yall should grow tf up like shes my roman empire and i think about her a lot u know 😔😔 when this chapter, where she told jungkook the truth, came out i hated her just like others and i was like "shes so evil like how can she do this to jungkook". but as time passed i just realized that shes the realest character because if i were in the same situation i might have done the same thing(?) Like i dont know exactly what id do but because of fear i couldve done the same so i cant really judge her. like we all know having a child is a big responsibility and she was scared and of course she wasnt ready for this and obviously its her body and her choice and she did whatever she thought was good for her. I think throwing a mud at her and criticising her is too much because she suffered enough already and i truly dont understand why do yall hate this woman so much?? I mean yeah she shouldve told jungkook everything because jungkook really deserved to know and we all knkw he would understand her and her choice but she was scared and not ready. Like we cant even imagine the pain she was going through because as i mentioned before having a kid is a big responsibility and she was the one who had to carry the baby for 9 months and give birth and everything and she was not ready. like yeah jungkook would be on her side but so what?? his support would be a great help but mothers still have to go through pain, fear, uncertainty and so many emotions and i think men would never get this (im sorry, i know jungkooks an amazing man but he still wouldnt get it okay???) and i trully feel sorry for her and of course the way she handled the situation was so wrong and i do not support her for that, for example, for lying to jungkook, breaking up with him without telling him everything, then lying to him that she cheated 😭😭like she was so stupid for that and she made him suffer so much like imagine u told him u cheated on him and he still wanted to give u a second chance,even though he was in so much pain??? like i understand him and yes he deserved to know everything and she was so wrong for getting back to him and still makkng him believe she cheated but I feel so sorry for both of them and i really understand kiko and her fears and im her apologist because everyone makes mistakes and obviously she wasnt a perfect person. I hope she will be happy in the future because she dont deserve all this pain.

thank you for sharing your thoughts on this! we've had quite a lot conversations about her character and to be honest, she might be one of my favorite characters i've ever written. not because I love her or anything, but because she's so interesting to me. and i've said this before many times, but i guess people perceive things differently based on the point of view which is completely understandable – if the story was about them, kiko being y/n – some opinions and reactions might've been different. i do believe there would be many opinions of what she did and it being not right, but i guess readers would show more mercy with the way of how they talk about her character or they would definitely not use so many curse words ahaaha

[autismcatboy]

i hear the sunspot is a story about being human first, disabled second and a bl third. it doesnt flow like a bl and has very brief moments of romance because its not intended to be read/watched a romance.

the mangaka did not write it as a BL because she herself wasnt even familiar with it as a genre until after she started publishing. she was writing a story that just happens to also feature queer romance.

the live drama is not going to end with them getting together. its an adaption of just one series within the story and even at the most current series, they only barely got together.

the story is not unrealistic in how it handles communication (or lack thereof). its a lot easier to judge characters (and people in real life) when you think you have all the pieces, but the reality is we know very little about how others truly feel and when you have a lot going on and pulling you in different directions, its hard to know it yourself.

continued below the cut, spoiler free.

taichi and kohei are busy adults. between work/school, family and personal health, they dont have a lot of free time. many people dont have ways to contact friends they made in school because usually, you just see each other and dont think about exchanging contact information until later.

exchanging contact information is a bigger step to take in japan compared to places like the us. taichi uses a flip phone until hes pushed to get a smartphone after it breaks. data plans are expensive and many are selective about when and how they use them, and chatting apps like line are usually the main form of communication method. many people in the us dont like to give out their number or social media (which is also a feature of line) to people they know, like coworkers or classmates.

theres some pretty big assumptions about japanese culture and what its like to be a young adult by fans watching the drama that, in my opinion, just arent realistic. you're thinking like a bl fan and not like what people actually do in real life.

i hear the sunspot is a story about navigating the awkward, the hardships, fumbling and coming to terms with the things we may not like about ourselves. this isnt just about being disabled. able bodied, fully healthy people have things they dont like, push off and ignore. we see this in taichi, and how he continues to push that hes happy, nothing is wrong, he's just a big goofball and doesn't have anything below the surface and a lot of you have fallen for it.

relationships rarely go "we met, we fell in love, and now we are together and everything is perfect with only mild and entertaining drama." in fact id say they almost never do. people get scared to get close to other people, people dont think about if their feelings are romantic love or not when theyve never considered they might be gay. people get busy and distract themselves from addressing the things theyre not ready to look at and understand. all of these things happen much more often and often subconsciously, too.

people are mean and bullheaded when they feel like their comfort zone is threatened. people *run* when they feel like their status quo might change and they dont know what that will look like.

its easy to say someone is being ridiculous when you dont have their full story or dont stop to consider their circumstances. will it be different from how you'd react? absolutely. you lived a different life and had different experiences shape who you are.

but its equally as ridiculous to assume you know exactly how you'd react better than someone in their situation. no one is perfect, and definitely not 20 something year olds figuring out how to be adults after tough moments completely changed their childhoods. your early 20s, especially, is about thinking youre an adult and realizing just how little you know about adulthood. its easy to look back on when i was taichi and kohei's ages and say "oh there is a /lot/ that i fucked up with and couldve done better".

i hear the sunspot is about being human. the mistakes, the drama, the pain and the laughter. it happens to also have a gay love story but its not written to *be* a gay love story or even to be any love story in the first place.

if youre not willing to wait, and consider all the troubles that come before and during their relationship, this is not the story for you. save yourself the time, its got a long way to go. maybe come back in a few more years and see if the story resonates differently.

theyre not going to dive right into a relationship when they still barely know themselves.

[yourlocalmerchgirl]

Your Person

Bobby Goren X neurodivergent F!reader

Summary: Bobby has spent most if his life feeling like he didn't belong, that it wasn't possible for him to connect with someone the way everyone else does, that is until me meets you, his person.

Warnings: Cannon level violence and language. So much fluff, love and acceptance. mentions of Panic, anxiety and death/dying. Minimal use of Y/N. Very little physical description of reader

Authors note: This is story was a labor of love and my love letter to Bobby Goren and the way Vincent D'Onofrio played him. I've never connected with or seen myself represented in a character the way I do with Bobby Goren. I dont think you need to of seen Law and Order: Criminal Intent to enjoy this story.

The midsummer sun shinned down on Bobby’s face as he walked to the coffee shop. The sun feels similar to warmth that spreads throughout his chest whenever he sees you. The smile you always give him. God that smile. It’s different than the smile you give everyone else around you.

He can’t help but smile thinking about the day you met. How flustered and embarrassed you were when you’d run into him causing his coffee to spill everywhere. How he felt something tug In his chest when your big hazel eyes looked into his when you realized it spilled on him. He wanted to wrap his arms around you and tell you it was ok when it was clear you were prepared to be yelled at.

Bobby knew the moment he started falling for you. He tried to fight it at first because it scared the shit out of him. Pretty much resigning to the fact that he’d always be alone. His job was demanding, which was hard for a lot people to deal with. So he had stopped entraining anything that wasn’t serious. He wanted someone to share a life with, someone that would accept him, quarks and all. So he didn’t want to waste what little free time he had with someone who only wanted sex.

As he dips into the cafe the cashier greets him with a tired smile.

“Welcome in, just to let you know we close in 10 minutes”

“No problem, I’ll have a large coffee cream and sugar”

“Oh, Ah is (y/n) in today?”

“Umm I’m going to grab the owner” she replies eyeing him suspiciously.

Bobby doesn’t blame her, she doesn’t know him, he hasn’t been in, in about a month. She’s doing the safe thing by getting someone.

“Hey, theres this guy out front that I’ve never seen before asking for Y/N”

“Ok, I’ll go up and check it out. Why don’t you start your end of day tasks”

Stacey makes her way to the front to see who’s asking for you. She’s very happy to see it’s Bobby, the one person you’ve really taking a liking too since he started coming in.

“Hey Bobby, sorry about that”

“It’s no problem, I know she was just being safe, doing the right thing”

“She’s here, back in her usual spot doing some ordering on her laptop” Stacey says as she hands him his coffee.

“I wont stay long, I know your trying to close up”

“You’re welcome to stay as long as you want. She’ll be really happy to see you, but you didn’t hear that from me” Stacey chuckles.

She’ll be happy to see me?

Bobby is rounding the corner into the seating area at the exact moment you happen to look up from your laptop.

The way you light up sends a sea of warmth crashing against his chest. He waves awkwardly and you return the wave.

“Hi” he say unable to contain the smile dancing across his face.

“Bobby! Hi. You’re alright?” The smile creeps across your face.

“What do you mean I’m alright?” He asks tilting his head to the side to watch your expression as he sits.

Fuck. You can feel your skin heating up as you pull your eyes down too your laptop.

He realizes by your reaction that he sounded accusatory when he didn’t mean too.

“I didn’t mean for that to sound that way”

“I didn’t mean anything by it, it’s just been a while since I’d seen you in…uh not that I expect you to come in. I know you’re busy. I um just was worried when it had been a while.” At this point youre face is on fire, you’re making an absolute fool of yourself with your word vomit.

She worries about me

“We’ve had several intense cases back to back. We pretty much were working around the clock. Only went home to sleep. Not that I was really sleeping either.” He says studying you intently, trying desperately to figure out if you feel the palpable connection that’s between the two of you.

“I wish I’d know, I would have brought some stuff from the cafe down for you and your partner.”

“That’s really very sweet of you”

“It’s not like you come in everyday, but regularly enough that I just thought something might of happened to you in the line of duty” you say without thinking, almost like you’d forgotten you were talking to him.

Bobby tilts his head trying to look at your face.

“You really were worried about me. I didn’t mean to worry you”

The realization crashing down on you like a brick. Fuck. I really said that out loud.

“I ah. Man I’m saying a lot of things. I’m sorry I’m trying not to be weird. Didn’t really mean to say that out loud” you say dragging your hands down your face as you pull your eyes up to find him already looking at you.

His deep brown eyes are soft, his smile kind as he watches you.

“No it’s not like that. It’s nice to know someone’s worried about me.”

“I’m sure lots of people are worried about you, you’re pretty awesome.”

OH MY GOD. I need to stop talking. What the hell am I doing. This man is not interested in my flattery. Where is literally anyone to cut into this conversation to save me from myself.

Just then as if you materialized her yourself you notice Stacey over Bobby’s shoulder coming towards the two of you.

“Did our girl over here tell you she’s testing out some new recipes for the bakery case? And that she’s knocking it out of park?”

“No she didn’t, she must of forgotten to tell me how much of a badass she is.”

Your face is beat read at that point, meanwhile the both of them are smiling ear to ear talking about you.

“Yea she’s like that, she’s too modest really. I tell her all the time she needs to brag about her pastries more often”

“Man you two are quiet the pair today” you laugh

“Besides, why brag about myself, I’m just an average baker. I’m no Gordon Ramsay”

“I don’t see Gordon Ramsay making apple danishes and apple bread. I bet you could kick his ass” Stacey adds as you all begin to laugh.

Bobby relishes bring included in this moment of banter. Seeing how light and free you are when your wall is completely down and there’s no anxiety in sight.

“I’d love to try them, can I?” Bobby cuts in.

He doesn’t miss the way your face lights up at his comment.

“Sure, I think there’s still some left from my test batch this morning let me go check”

You say before going out back to check.

“Can I ask you something about her?” Bobby asks, his voice soft with a hint of hesitation.

“Of corse you can, though I might not give you a answer”

Bobby can’t help but smile at Stacey’s direct protectiveness of you. He’s happy you have a friend like her.

“Does she have a boyfriend?”

“No she doesn’t” Stacey says arching your eyebrow in curiosity.

“Do you think she’d want to go to dinner with me?”

Stacey looks over her shoulder to see if you were coming before answering.

“I’m going to be real honest for a second. Yes, honestly I think she would love to go to dinner with you. She really enjoys when you come in and truly was worried something had happened to you when you didn’t for a while. But with that being said don’t ask her if you’re not serious about going actually. Don’t ask her just to blow her off or to only get what you want when it’s convenient for you.”

“I get where your coming from”

“I’m not trying to say you’re the type to do that. She just-she has a big heart and people love to take advantage of that. She doesn’t trust or open up easy. At times she has crippling anxiety. So just be patient with her. Your smart and perspective, I’m sure you’ve noticed that her anxiety eases when she sees that you’re here”

Bobby knows exactly what Stacey’s talking about. He picked up on your anxiety immediately, notcing that over time when he’d come in at peak times you’d sometimes be drowning in your anxiety. But he swore you’d look up and connect eyes with you and he’d see your expression soften, your body become less tense. He always thought it was his eyes playing tricks on him, letting himself see what he wanted to see. But Stacey confirming it was real made the fire in his chest burn hotter.

As they can hear you coming back Stacey leans in quickly to Bobby so you don’t hear.

“She finds comfort in you, please don’t take that for granted”

Bobby nods, you’re too close now to respond. He appreciates the serious heart to heart with Stacey.

“Hey sorry it took so long, I think they taste better heated up so I was waiting for the little oven to heat up so I could warm them up for you”

“Well I’ll leave you guys to it, I’ll be in the office for a bit doing payroll. Welcome back Bobby, it was nice to see you” Stacey offers before leaving the two of you alone.

“Thank you, you didn’t have to go through all that trouble for me”

“Oh no it’s no worries, really. Oh I ah should have asked do you need it packed up? You probably need to get back to work.”

“Im actually all done for the day. But I can go, I’m sure you want to go home.” Bobby says as he starts to stand, worried he’s over stayed his welcome.

“Oh ok, here let me pack these up for you”

You’re disappointed, Bobby can tell by your tone. He feels clueless navigating stuff like this sometimes. He never wants to come off as over baring or clingy, he’s been sold so many times that needy guys aren’t attractive.

“It was nice to see you today, hope you like the pastries” you offer unable to tamp down your smile. There was just something about Bobby that drew you too him, that made you feel like there’s this electricity between the two of you.

Bobby’s half way through the doorway when he doubles back. His hearts pounding but he just has to do it.

“Sorry, one more thing. Would you like to go to dinner with me sometime?”

“Like…on a date?” You ask shifting on your feet nervously. It couldn’t be could it?

“Yes, If you’d want that. If not id still like to go as friends.” Bobby wonders if you can see if his heart pounding in is chest because, fuck- he was nervous.

“I’d really like that…to go on a date with you”

A genuine smile rolls so quickly over both of your faces as both of you look at each other in awe.

You go around the counter to get a piece of paper and a pen.

“Here, this is my number just let me know when it works with your schedule and I can make it work with mine”

“Heres mine as well”

The way your fingers graze his when you take his card send electricity shooting through his whole body.

“I’m off the whole week because of all the over time I’ve worked, are you free tomorrow or is that to short notice?”

“No, that works for me I can do that”

Your smile makes Goren feel like he’s the only person in the world.

“Does 5 o’clock work?”

“Works for me”

“Where can I pick you up?”

“You can pick me up here”

“Oh ah I don’t want to rush you, making you get ready here”

“Oh” you let out a little laugh. “I just live upstairs. Stacey and I both do”

“Just ring the buzzer for Apartment 1 next to the graffiti covered door and I’ll come right down”

——————————————————————

The buzzer sounds as you quickly pad across your apartment to the call box.

“Hello”

“Hey it’s Bobby, sorry I’m a little early”

“It’s ok, let me grab my shoes and I’ll be right down”

Bobby fidgets with his hands, rubbing his thumb into the palm of the opposite hand while he waits.

He can’t help the smile that comes at just hearing the door click open and it only grows as you open the door and step out on to the sidewalk. The way the early evening sun hits you makes you look ethereal.

“You look beautiful, I like your dress” Bobby beams.

“Thank you so much, I had to get it when I saw it, but never had a reason to wear it” you smile.

“You look very handsome” you try to turn away but he catches a glimpse of you blushing. Bobby thinks it’s so cute when to get shy like this.

“I really like your suite, it’s a nice color on you” you say reaching over and rubbing the fabric between your index finger and thumb. “It’s soft too” you say with a smile.

Bobby lets out a content hum, the sound makes you painfully aware that you actually did in-fact feel the fabric of his suite coat.

“Oh god I’m sorry” you say pulling your focus to the ground. “I have this bad habit of feeling the texture of things”

“It’s ok, I get it. You’re a tactile person. Please don’t feel bad. I also have a bad habit of touching things. Picking things up and checking them out or playing with them. And most people really don’t like it when you touch their stuff. I try not to but I just can’t help myself.”

“You can feel my dress if you want”

Bobby can’t help but smile at the gesture and the meaning behind it.

His finger tips lightly graze the bare skin of your arm as he takes the fabric of your sleeve between his fingers.

The little giggle that bubbles out of you when the sensation of his touch tickles you leaves him breathless.

To any just passerby this scene unfolding must look awkward. And it is, but it is the must beautiful kind of awkward. The both of you showing vulnerable glimpses of yourselves to one another and being met with nothing but acceptance.

“Do you like Italian food? There’s a great place near here I thought I could take you too, if you’d like”

“I love Italian, that sounds great”

The two of you fall into comfortable small talk as you walk to the restaurant.

The two of you are met with a warm happy welcome when you walk into a quaint restaurant.

“Welcome back, Bobby! Your usual table and meal tonight?” The hostess says with a smile.

He comes here often

“I…ah actually would like table for two tonight” Bobby responds as he turns to smile at you.

“Wonderful, right this way” the waitress beams

“Their food is very good here. The veal parmesan is my favorite but you really can’t go wrong with anything here”

“Can I get anything else to drink besides water for the two of you?”

“I’ll have a glass of red wine please”

“And for you miss?”

“Oh, just water is ok for me”

“I’ll ah I’ll just stick with water too”

“No, no it’s ok, please have the wine”

“Sorry I should have asked if you were ok with alcohol.”

“Really it’s ok. It’s not like that. I just… I’m admittedly very nervous about tonight so if I mix that with alcohol, I’ll just talk your ear off” you laugh.

“I think I’d like that” he smiles. He could listen to you talk all night long.

It’s at this point you’re painfully aware that the restaurant is getting very busy. A huge party arrived taking over one whole side of the tiny space. You’re trying to ignore it, to just focus on the sound of Bobby’s soothing voice. You so badly want tonight to go well, and certainly having a panic attack within the middle of the restaurant would not help in that.

The two of you order dinner, as the loud drone of conversations are crashing together. Your heart starts pounding as all the chatter becomes impossible to sort through. You squirming around in your seat as you try to sooth yourself doesn’t go unnoticed by Bobby. He sees your pulse quickening in the glow of the restaurant, as your eyes squeeze shut. He knows right away you’re having a panic attack without you having to say anything as he springs into action.

Quietly he goes up to the hostess, explaining that you’re not feeling well and asks to pay for dinner and for it to-go.

When he turns back you’re gripping the table so tightly your knuckles are white.

Bobby kneels down next to you,smoothing his hand up and down your back. The way you relax into his touch fills his chest with that familiar warm sensation.

“Why don’t we go” he softly says into your ear.

I really fucking did it now

Letting out a pained sigh you slowly stand. You can’t even bring yourself to look at him as he guides the two of you out of the restaurant, his hand never leaving your lower back.

“Are you ok?” He tilts his head trying to look at your face.

You can feel yourself retreated further and further inward, embarrassed and upset with yourself.

“I should go, I’m sorry I ruined your night. Thank you for taking me out, or atleast trying too”

You turn to walk away but Bobby reaches out for your arm, stopping you in your tracks.

“Please wait. I’ll take you home if you’d like. But you need to know you’d your not ruining my night.”

“That’s very nice of you but…” you start but Bobby cuts you off when he sees tears in your eyes.

“Hey, do you like ice cream? What if we got ice cream and walked around the park?

“Wait you want to continue our date by getting ice cream when we couldn’t even get though dinner”

“I won’t tell if you won’t” Bobby smirks

“Ok” you smile

“Maybe there will be a lot of ducks at the pound” you say smiling up at him as the two of you exit the ice cream parlor.

“You like animals” it’s less of a question and more of making a mental note out loud.

“I do. I love animals. I like them more than most people because all they want is to give and receive unconditional love. They don’t judge you. They’re just there for you.”

“I never thought about it that way, but you’re right. It really is unfair that some of us have to feel that way.”

“It is because I don’t think you ever fully get used to being an acquired for most people. I just wish It hadn’t taken me so long to realize most people were just using me.”

Bobby’s both saddened and surprised by your comment. On one hand it hurts him that you’ve ever had to feel this way, that you’ve had to experience that same kind of loneliness. And on the other hand he’s never had someone pull the thoughts right out of his own head, to be able put to words to what that exact feeling is like.

A thought occurred to Bobby- Would she let me hold her hand. Before he can stop himself hes sliding his hand softly down your fore arm to lace his fingers with yours.

“Is this ok?” Bobby asks bashfully asks as the two of you enter the park.

The way you lock eyes with him when you answer, the way you’re filled with pure happiness radiating off of you makes the breath catch in his throat. He’s never felt this free before with anyone and he’s prepared to make sure you feel that you’ll always feel that way too.

—————————————————————-

That one date turned into the two of you seeing eachother every day that week that Bobby was off.

That week turned into months, 4 months to be exact and as you burst onto the street below, your arms full of bags Bobby cant remember a time he was happier.

“What’s all this?” He laughs as he takes the bags as you two wait for a cab to his place.

“We havnt gotten to see each other in a couple weeks, I though I could cook dinner for us and we could just relax, watch some movies or read.”

“You don’t have to go through all that trouble”

“Well I want too, besides I got a new cookbook with some of the gift cards you gave me for the bookstore. So there’s some stuff I’ve been dying to make.

“ you know.. you didn’t have to do that you know. You didn’t have to send that gift card over”

“I know. But I was upset I couldn’t take you to the book store to get that new book you’ve been excited about. Were you able to get it?”

“Yes! I was able to get the last signed edition they had” you beam up at him, unable to contain your excitement.

“I havnt finished it yet, but it’s so good Bobby! I brought it so you could see it, can I show you?”

“Of course” he smiles as he leans against you, looking on as you show him the book.

“Do you mind if shower quickly?”

“Of course, no rush. I’ll get started on dinner. Take your time, don’t worry about me” you coo, wrapping your arms around his neck as you push yourself up on your tippy toes to kiss him.

As Bobby wipes the steam covered mirror with his towel he can’t help but stare at his own reflection, desperate to see himself the way you see him. Everything about being around you feels like a dream, still In disbelief that a girl like you would choose to spend time with him. That a girl like you who’s so kind, patient and loving wants him in her world.

Bobby knew he wasn’t for everyone, that most people thought he was to weird, obsessive and by the book. He had a short fuse when it came to other peoples bullshit and could be somewhat of a loose cannon but the moment someone made comments about him he would shrink back into himself because deep down he always believed their hateful words.

But when you look at him, your eyes are always filled with a level of love and empathy that he’s never received from anyone before. Bobby knows he’s weird, that there’s a lot about himself and his personality that he can’t help. When it comes to you though he feels free, he never feels out of place or like he doesn’t fit into society when he’s with you.

The sight of you swaying to the music you have on as you cook makes his heart thunder in his chest.

I love this women

“Dance with me for a moment while dinner cooks” Bobby whispers, his breath fanning your neck as he wraps his arms around you nuzzling into you.

“I don’t know how too” you giggle, never getting enough when he’s like this- clingy and playfully romantic.

“It’s ok, follow my lead. I’ll teach you.” Bobby relishes moments like this. He loved teaching you things.

“There, that’s it, just like that” he coos as the two of you glide around the kitchen.

You let out the cutest content hum as you buried your face in his chest. He gradually slows the two of you to a stop as he holds you In the middle of the kitchen.

“What are you thinking about?” He asks kissing the crown of your head.

You tilt your head up to find his deep brown eyes watching you intently.

“I’m thinking about how happy you make me”

Just as he’s about to reply Bobby’s work phone starts ringing. He lets out a gravely growl.

“I’m sorry, that’s work I have to get it”

“It’s ok” you whisper stepping back to busy yourself taking dinner out of the oven. You try to hide the fact that you’re sad, but it’s useless, Bobby knows he can feel it, he knows your micro-expressions like the back of his hand.

“This is Goren” he answers the phone as he steps into the living room.

The rest of the phone call is in a quick hushed tone. You can tell Bobby’s frustrated by the call.

“I-I have to go. I’m really sorry. There’s a huge development in our case and they need me”

“It’s ok. I’ll just put this in the fridge and go too”

“No no. It’s ok please stay. Make yourself at home. I will be back I just don’t know when.”

“O-okay”

This couldn’t have come at a worse time is all Bobby can think as he makes his way to the station. You’re always so good about his schedule but this is the first time he’s had to leave abruptly like that for work and while you were at his place no less. A place you havnt been many times and he knows your probably anxious right now about being there alone.

“What’s the update?”

“The manager of a motel in the Catskills called the tip line saying a father and two children matching Nathan and his kids checked into his motel a couple of hours ago. Chef wants us to go out there and stake it out.”

“Alright let’s head out then”

——————————————————————

“Sorry to have to call you in Bobby” Eames says finally breaking the silence in the back of the stake out van.

“It’s fine, wasn’t trying to be short on the phone” Bobby waves his hand as he’s looking out the window.

“Eames I think I got something” he says handing her the binoculars.

“Over there at the vending machine, I think that’s Lilly, Nathan’s daughter”

“She was pretty glued to you when we were there for questioning drew you that picture, maybe she remembers you. If she does she could get us access to Nathan.”

Eames and Bobby cautiously approach the little girl at the vending machine.

“Hi Lily, do you remember me and my partner Alex? We came to your house a few times.”

“Yes, policeman Bobby. Did you hang my picture up?”

“Of course I did, right next to my desk just like I said.” Bobby says kneeling next to Lily.

“You did! I hope everyone likes it!” Lily’s eyes light up as she scoots closer to Bobby.

“Can you tell us where you dad and brother are?” Eames asks

“They are in the room. Dad and bothers hair is turning blonde but the room is really stinky so I came out here. Dad said mine would change too.”

“He’s bleaching their hair” Bobby says locking eyes with Eames.

“Sweetheart, do you think you could take us to the room, we’d like our hair blonde too.”

“Ok, but could I have some more chips? I’m hungry”

“Yes, let’s get you some more chips” Bobby says pulling a dollar from his pocket and slipping it into the machine and handing the chips to the girl.

“Can you show us the way? we don’t know where to go?”

“Mmhmm” Lily hums happily as her little hand grabs Bobby’s.

Bobby and Eames hang back a moment as Lily enters the room.

“Daddy! My friend are here and they got me some chips!”

Nathan looks up to unexpectedly to find the pair starring back at him, scrambling he draws his gun.

“Hey..hey point your gun at me not my partner.” Bobby’s voice booms

“We’re just here to talk Nathan, we walk to help you.”

“Bull shit you don’t want to help me. You don’t give a shit about me. You just want to take my family away.” Nathan gestures angrily, turning his attention back towards Eames.

“Hey what did I tell you focus on me, not my partner.”

“We do want to help you, and we will. We will make sure that you have access to therapy and meds on the inside.”

“Fuck you man I’m not going away, you’re not putting my kids with strangers” Nathan reaches for Lilly while waving his gun at Bobby.

“Daddy please stop shouting at my friends”

“Shut up, they’re not your friends, they want to take you away from me just like they did with mommy”

“Why don’t you let my partner take the kids to the diner to get some food and you and I will have a talk.”

“Give her your gun and phone, put them on the floor and slid them over to her, no funny business” Nathan motions his gun towards Eames.

Bobby does what he’s told. He knows it’s risky but he needs to get Eames and the kids out of here.

“Lily can you draw me some new pictures to hang up at work?”

“Ok I can do that” she says as she takes Eames and her brother’s hand and they all leave.

“You know she looks up to you, ever since the two of you came poking around the house asking question she’s talked about you guys nonstop. It’s pretty cruel to tell a child you care just to get what you want.”

“I’m not lying. I hung the picture up next to my desk.”

“You’re the one lying to her about us taking her mother away.”

“If you hadn’t of been hanging around asking questions….” Bobby cuts Nathan off mid sentence.

“Nathan. Your embezzling money, stealing from your clients. We’re doing our jobs asking questions.”

“If you didn’t come around asking questions that made my wife suspicious she’d still be alive.”

“Don’t put that on me. You killed your wife not me.” Bobby shouts unable to keep his cool any longer.

“You don’t get it do you? This is a eye for a eye situation”

“So what, you want to hurt me? You want hit me? Go ahead, give me the best you’ve got.” Goren snarls.

Nathan laughs

“Only one of us is leaving this room and it’s not going to be you Bobby”

“You’re really stooping to a new low threatening a detective.”

“It’s not a threat. Your not leaving this room alive”

Bobby’s starting to panic, his heart pounding against his chest as he try’s to figure a way out.

“If you kill me youll never see your kids again, you’ll loose everything.”

“I already lost everything when you forced me to kill my wife. My only choice is to take you out.” Nathan says as he takes a step closer

“And what are you going do when your daughter comes in here and sees you’ve killed her friend.”

“Do not talk about my daughter. She needs to learn that the world is cruel and that not everyone is what they seem” Nathan spits as he digs the gun into Bobby’s chest.

Bobby’s mind races as he try’s to slow his breathing. He knows Nathan wants to see him panicking, he’s desperately trying to ease his mind. In all of his career he’s never felt this close to death, he can’t do that to Eames or to you.

“Hope you told the person you have at home that you love them because you’ll never see them again”

In an instant all Bobby sees is your face, the way you looked into his eyes as he lead you around his kitchen in a dance. Everything about it was so simple and romantic and then you told him how happy he makes you. And then he never got to tell you how happy you make him, how he’s never loved anyone the way he loves you. The idea of never getting to see what life would be like with you makes him see red and he snaps.

“Well come on, do it if you’re going to do it” Bobby Growls. The pain of his thoughts being flooded with moments that would never be with you, hurts worse than death it’s self he’s sure of it.

A rapid secession of bangs rings out from the other side of the door rendering Nathan distracted for a slipt second. Bobby lunges forward grabbing ahold of the gun and kicking his knee trying to knock him down.

He pushes against Bobby causing him to stumble back, he attempts to take a shot at Bobby but when does he pushes hard back into him. The bullet lodges into the wall as Nathan regains his footing holding the gun on Bobby.

Eames bursts through the door in this moment.

“Nathan drop your weapon” she shouts holding her gun on him.

“Your going to have to shoot me or I’m going to shoot your partner”

Nathan lunges torwards Bobby and with out hesitation Eames shoots him in the b chest in self defense.

Bobby sits there in the back of the van, his head in his hands as they make the couple hour drive back to the city.

“Are you alright, Bobby?” Eames asks needing to check on her partner.

“Am I am ok? No I’m not ok. I almost died. Almost never saw her again.” He grits out, frazzled and shaken by the whole ordeal.

“Ugh sorry. I didn’t mean to yell, I’m just shaken up”

“I heard what he said to you. You love her don’t you?”

Bobby nods in response, afraid to say it out loud.

“Does she know?”

“No” Bobby shakes his head with a low voice. He lets out a long breathy sigh as he leans his head back against the wall of the van before closing his eyes.

“I feel loved too” Bobby breaths out into the dark quietness of the van as they pull back into the station garage.

Bobby never talks like this, so Eames knows he’s being genuine and vulnerable with her.

“You go, I’ll go up and do our paperwork before I go home.”

“No it’s ok”

“You’ve had a long night, you deserve some rest. Take a few paid days off. If the captain has an issue with it he can take it up with me”

“Thank you, Eames” Bobby gives her a tight lipped smile before heading to his car.

You’re all he can think about on you his drive home. He’s so distraught and disheveled over tonight’s events. All he wants right now is for you to crowd his senses, to be in your arms with your hands messaging through his hair as you tell him everything going to be alright.

As Bobby pulls up to his places he hope that some luck is on his side, that you’ll still be there but he fears it’s unlikely. After a few minutes he drags himself inside. You left the light on above the sink for him, there’s a note telling him that dinner is in the fridge for him. He takes this as a sign that you’ve left and his shoulders sag a little.

He just stairs at the small plate of food on the counter. His nerves are still through the roof from work but he knows he needs to eat, not really remembering the last time he did. He’s aimlessly pacing around the kitchen picking at the plate of food when he notices warm dim light coming from his bedroom.

Maybe she did stay.

Bobby stops in his tracks at the sight of you sound asleep in his bed with a your book laid across your chest. He can’t help but tear up as he sinks down on the bed next to you, leaning over you to grab your bookmark off the bedside table. As he gently takes the book off your chest and places the bookmark inside he notices your wearing one of his undershirts as a bed shirt.

Softly he lets his body fall onto yours, his head nuzzling into the crook of your neck.

“Mmhmm Bobby” you hum sleepily as you wrap your arms around him tightly, one hand instinctually messaging through his short greying curls.

Bobby lets out a ragged breath as he melts further into you.

“What time is it? I should go and let you get some rest.”

“Please…don’t go. Don’t leave me alone” Bobby chokes out.

“I-I I’m not going anywhere Bobby”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not tonight, not right now. I’m just to-I was just to scared I’d never see you again. I just want to be near you”

“Why don’t we take a shower, that will help sooth you.

Bobby watches you in complete awe of the way you move around the bathroom getting the shower ready, at how caring and loving you are with him. It’s hard for him to believe that all of this is real. That someone like you would truthfully care for him, would want to spend time with him. It’s hard for him to trust people because of his line of work and the life hes had, but opening up to and trusting you was the best decision he ever made.

Taglist: @malindacath @aselys @jupiteress @yesalwayswelles @samfromstardewsgf23 @pixiehex1985 @celticwitchofsorrow @capondi @thatsjustdandy @storywriter12 @namesirrelevant @lzrdonaleash @thegirlthatwillstealurman @modestlyabsurd @cheyanne-chan @darkangelforever333 @gertieisayellowjeep @shuilian @elefrog25-blog @nightsore @dumbasswalkinghere @liviadrusilla44 @musicalwayshelp0193-blog @malevolent-muse @mandy426 @missingfromthephotographs

[elainsgirl]

I just had to let this out: I was lurking on Elriel edits on tiktok and saw lot's of comments on why people prefer Elucien or Gwynriel and it's always one of the following reasons: it's too predictable, 3 sisters and 3 brothers, Elain doesn't deserve Az or can't handle his darkness. Always one of these.

Like they don't even bother to list as to why they want their own ship or have solid reasons aside from how they don't like Elriel so they like another.

It almost sounds like: Elriel isn't good so I want ... or ... ship.

It's amazing how most like/want their own ship because of their dislike for Elain/Elriel.

I can't wait for her book to come out so that Sjm can prove how all had been wrongly judging Elain's power and personality ❤️. How she has an amazing strength and is beautiful inside and out. How she is strong enough to handle Azriel's darkness, altough I think the main reason Azriel wants to be around Elain is because he admires and loves her light/her peacefulness.

I also want more to realize that Azriel has this domestic side which longs for the peace and quiet that Elain can offer in relationship. Them sitting in the garden and her baking bread while he taking it from her like the husband of the house. These are already shown to us. I just hate how people ignore that some couple are like this and if that is boring and predictable to you then maybe read some mystery romances that are less predictable as to who will end up with who 😬.

Elriel is so beautiful and underrated within the fandom that it hurts 🤧

They are all thropes together. Opposite attract yet also very similar to each other, forbidden love and pining/yearning, dark and light/ moody and sunshine, friends to lovers and maybe also love at first sight since we don't know much about their POV yet and to when exactly the attraction started. And I can go on and on

Hey anon 🫶

Saying elriel is too predictable is so funny because thats the point. You’ve successfully managed to pick up the foreshadowing Sjm was laying out, Nessian were predictable and obvious yet no one cared as much. 3 sisters x 3 brothers is literally fate and seems predestined which is the whole point of the acotar series. Idk I just think if you really hate the direction the series is going in you can always dnf instead of criticising it. It is a book from the fantasy genre which is often filled with cliches or repetitive plots. Im not even going to argue w Elain not being able to handle Azriels darkness- those antis just coddle elain and treat her as some oblivious child.

Most antis only ship Ga/El bcs they just dont like elriel. With the other ships they’re so undeveloped that you can shape them to be however you want which is 10x more favourable.

YES! I can’t wait for Elains book to change so many peoples minds about her and show how much of a beautiful strong character she is in her own way, a different kind of strength. Im hopinh Elains character makes more people opem to softer coded fmcs. I agree, Elain seems to offer Az peace and quiet. Two people that can just exist together, understanding and truly seeing the other the way no one else has. She isn’t afraid of Azriel, his powers or scars and he didn’t back down and act as though she was crazy during acowar. They’re not afriad of each other. I truly love how Mass wrote them to be & cant wait for her to explore them more. Azriel’s domestic side always comes out with Elain and its just the cutest watching the big, scary shadowsinger blush bcs of Elain, taking her out, flying with her etc.

Elriel truly have the best tropes, and I know more people would like them if Lucien wasn’t Elains mate or Elain was more Nesta/Gwyn coded which sucks but these same people will read the elriel book and maybe change their mind - and see the amazing couple they were missing out on for years 🤭

I think thats one thing im really intrigued to know - Elain and Azriels first impressions. What was going through Azriels mind when he smiled at Elain clutching her fork. What did Elain see in Az that put her at ease and made her ask him questions. There’s so much backstory for elriel that I hope Mass writes and gives to us.