#which i bet ienzo/zexion has a lot of

[firestorm09890]

started reading The Stranger

[chenoehi]

been thinking thoughts about KH3, MoM theories, etc a lot lately and this is my current brain rot:

All the Org XIII ancient keyblade wielders seem to treat Sora with either derision or kindness.

Eg. Marluxia and Luxord are friendly to Sora when they’re fading away. Marluxia thanks him and Luxord gives him a card to help him. Luxord was arguably never unkind to Sora prior but he was still antagonistic. Larxene isn’t kind per se but she shows a different side briefly and even smiles at him in the end, which for her actually seemed genuine.

Meanwhile you have Xigbar/Luxu and Demyx. Both of which are, frankly, bastards (affectionately! I love them your honor) to Sora in KH2, DDD, and KH3 even when they don’t need to be. Like, just thinking about Xigbar antagonizing the shit out of Sora in KH2/Radiant Garden and like Cardi B I’m wondering what was tf reason.

Based on what we know of him now, we can make educated guesses as to why he acts that way — his character file is illuminating and offers a lot of insight as to why he may feel differently about Sora, in addition to how nosey af we know Luxu is.

Demyx initially acts friendly but that’s really just him addressing Roxas imo which he makes pretty obvious by speaking directly to Roxas in KH2. And while he was objectively terrible to Roxas in terms of ditching him on missions in Days, he was never actually rude or unkind to him that I remember. For the most part he’s friendly with him both in game and in comics (that I know of). And he seemed alright with Xion.

Sora? Nah. He’s sarcastic as shit and while I love me some barbs, I tend to agree with the opinion that sarcasm is veiled contempt.

In fact contempt is the word I feel fits best for how both Xigbar and Demyx act/feel toward Sora.

But Riku? Demyx calls out to him in Remind and starts talking like they’re besties, he smiles at him softly — which is not at all weird or like his soft smile for Ienzo, no not similar in the slightest — and he gets up in his personal space, which, while not entirely unusual for Demyx, is in contrast to his interactions with Sora. It’s made a little creepy by the odd familiarity with which he’s treating someone he’s supposedly just met — and not even properly. (it’s actually crazy to me but rn I’m realizing the org members almost never introduce themselves to anyone lol Sora has no idea who these people are, like he literally doesn’t know what to call them so he just says “it’s org 13” bc names? what’s a name?)

And this single solitary interaction between Riku-Demyx for me is all just so strange because there’s few people on record in the games that Demyx is actually friendly toward. Xigbar, Ienzo, Roxas, maybe Xion, now Riku. That’s an ..interesting mix. I’m not counting Vexen because dude was finding every excuse to walk away from science boy in RG before getting sucked into the scheme via manipulation (and arguably his own ego, cause you know, he’s the only one who could pull it off bc no one would suspect him). He literally claims himself that he had no real friends outside of Xigbar and we know that association alone is 👀 At one point Axel speaks somewhat kindly of him, but then Demyx was saying how much quieter it was and how he’s glad the loudmouths were unalived in Castle Oblivion. Not very neighborly of him, but then again Axel and Zexion were friendly enough to bet on who’d die next only for Axel to axe (aheh) him so a lot of that backstabbing shit went on. So maybe he was cool with Axel but clearly not enough to be friends with him, even though he apparently wanted friends. (On another note, I still find it super odd Axel chose to defend Demyx to Roxas instead of piling on, we never even saw them interact. It’s weird.)

It’s unfortunate we don’t get to see Xigbar/Luxu interact with Riku on his own but, like with Demyx, I think he would be less bastardly than he is with Sora. Maybe it’s a keyblade master thing, maybe Riku’s just earned more respect, or maybe he just can’t stand that Sora is the ‘hero’ putting others (Riku et al) in danger constantly by needing to be rescued or protected — at least from Xigbar/Luxu’s perspective.

[jcmorrigan]

I have attempted to keep my contempt for Kingdom Hearts III to a minimum. However, it has come to my attention that there are several jokes being passed around about how mean and ineffectual Yen Sid is as a teacher. I’m not demanding everyone change their tune right now and like Yen Sid. He’s not for everyone. But I went through a journey over the course of this series going from disliking him to flat-out loving him, and it really dismays me that I can pinpoint why everyone thought he was so bad in III and it, to use a phrase that has almost lost meaning, “doesn’t exist in a vacuum.”

Historically, Yen Sid has been a punching bag for this fandom. I know. I was there. Doing some of the punching. The problem was we were given Organization XIII and weren’t really sure what to do with them. For one, if you didn’t play CoM in between 1 and II (and not having SEEN Marluxia trying to chess-game everyone to their deaths), which was my story, you got Naminé saying “Good or bad, I cannot say” followed almost immediately by Yen Sid saying that though the Organization would pretend to have emotions , it was a ruse. I can’t pinpoint exactly why the Organization XIII fandom happened (I’m not sure it was so simple as “They’re hot”), but if it was anything like my case, I think it stems deep down from seeing these cool character designs and quirks on a bunch of VILLAINS and feeling the pull of the good/bad binary that suggests you can’t enjoy them as villains and must make them redeemable enough to make fan content of. This is starting to veer into a whole other essay, so I’ll cut it off here - I’ll just say if you know me, you know I figured out that “fun team for fan content” and “moral role models” are not necessarily symbiotic. ANYWAY. ABOUT YEN SID. The other thing I think we have to remember is that at the time, the only people who understood how Nobodies felt were the Nobodies. Ansem the Wise also thought they were emotionless evil. We found out in DDD, whether or not that was planned in advance, that Xemnas basically conditioned them to think of themselves that way. 358/2 Days is so poignant in its depiction of the Sea Salt Trio because you see how the rest have been groomed to be divided and not care about friendship or emotions. So in a way, the Organization defense squad was right, and I think that ended up being kind of the point - Yen Sid was telling us all we knew about this “mysterious entity” that didn’t interact with humanity, and that arc was concluded through Ansem realizing he should’ve treated Roxas like a human person. So that clears away KHII Yen Sid.

BBS Yen Sid was where I really grew to love him as a character. He understands that Terra and Ven need to follow their hearts, and in their individual visits, he basically tells them “Eraqus would not like this, but I know it’s important to you and I trust you, so I’m going to look the other way.” When Aqua visits him, you see a completely new side of him. It always hurts me so much when he has to tell Aqua that Xehanort and Terra have murdered Eraqus. Because he pauses a bit before saying Xehanort’s name. That man was his friend, and all this time, he was hoping there was redeemability in him. (Perhaps contributing to him being later jaded toward Xemnas’ associates, hmm?) But he pauses even longer before saying Terra’s name, and I sincerely believe this is because he recognizes the pain he feels at knowing Xehanort isn’t the person he thought he was...and even more than not wanting to feel it, he doesn’t want Aqua to feel that way about Terra. Yet he knows in the end she deserves the truth. Also, BBS kind of acts “fix fic” toward Fantasia itself, of all things. When I took my stance on KHII Yen Sid, this made me retroactively look at Fantasia and go “What a jerk in how he treats Mickey.” Which really isn’t the case at all - he’s tough but fair, and Mickey kinda BROUGHT THE WATERY APOCALYPSE DOWN UPON HIS LABORATORY. But the end credits scene of Yen Sid and Mickey deliberately subverts Fantasia. The Sorcerer’s Apprentice has Yen Sid strip Mickey of the hat, which Mickey doesn’t want to give up. BBS ends on the note of Mickey feeling that, since he couldn’t save his friends, he didn’t deserve the Keyblade (which is the same pattern as Yen Sid’s hat) anymore, and he tried to give it up. Yen Sid instead hands it BACK to him encouragingly, and this is likely where he awarded Mickey mastery. It takes a scene where we’re used to him punishing the naughty trickster and flips it on its head - when Mickey himself thinks he’s finally gone too far and nothing but a failure, Yen Sid wants him to keep dreaming, keep growing, keep learning.

DDD! Yen Sid tests Riku and Sora for Mastery, and ultimately encourages Riku to self-actualize! He assures Riku it’s okay to mix Light and Dark, which is almost UNHEARD of in this universe! He reaches out to Kairi, he allows Lea a second chance - he’s on top of it all!

So let’s get into KHIII. People have said Yen Sid berates Sora too much. And I’m not saying that’s not true. People have said it’s stupid that Yen Sid doesn’t actually act like a “teacher” or introduce a lot of the mechanics from BBS he would’ve known about, like armor or skimmers. And it kind of is. But I think it’s the old KHII sourness that’s bleeding into this interpretation, because honestly...this is not a Yen Sid problem.

This problem affects the characterization of pretty much every main cast member in KHIII.

Sora is now more focused on his own failings than trying to help others (please compare his reaction to Rapunzel to his reaction to Quasimodo back in DDD to see how selfish he’s become). Riku has almost nothing to say or do. Kairi has been watered down - no sense of humor or sass or initiative, to say nothing of the great offensive death scene. Aqua’s time in the Realm of Darkness seems to have had no noticeable effect on her until Re:Mind retroactively patched it in, and her solitude wasn’t explored. Ventus gets barely anything to do or say beyond being a yes-man. The conflict between the Wayfinder Trio? Swept under the rug. Same with Sea Salt, though at least Axel, Roxas, and Xion all feel like themselves, at least. Vexen, whose primary character trait was “grump who hates everyone,” decides midgame that he is no longer grumpy and does not hate everyone. Ansem, Seeker of Darkness? Don’t even get me started; there is no similarity between this ominous harbinger of Master Xehanort’s will and the mad scientist nihilist from KH1. Master Xehanort himself? Has magically gone from “I must explore the Darkness to see what answers of the universe will be revealed when Kingdom Hearts comes, despite the Light acting as a policing force I find unfair” (BBS) to “I hate that everyone acts like a good person but it’s so fake. I want to remake the world and rule over it to make it better” (KHIII). Meanwhile, Eraqus, whose arc centered around fanaticism taken to an extreme that led him to attack his own adoptive child, is now the voice of forgiveness, acting as forgiveness for Xehanort when it was Eraqus’ lack of forgiveness for any slight that kicked off the problem in the first place. I personally love Ienzo as he is, probably because he’s more sincerely happy now and the seeds were planted in DDD for this characterization, but if you add it up, he’s very jarringly different than the Zexion we were used to.

Yen Sid is a victim of the same character assassination that hit pretty much EVERYONE else in this game. Why is he a bad teacher? Because the guy in charge of writing his dialogue didn’t bother to line it up with BBS or DDD for consistency. Why didn’t he show the characters how to do anything worth anything? Because, again, the designers of III decided to switch the BBS mechanics for Attraction Flows and Formchanges without taking lore and continuity into consideration (and for the record, I love Attraction Flows and Formchanges, but we couldn’t have everything, and we need to be aware of the fact that game design dictates a lot of the story; the reason Sora is missing so much power in the first place is because we need to justify starting the game at level 1). At the very least, they allowed Yen Sid to actually travel to the Keyblade Graveyard to rescue his charges when everyone had a betting pool on him “Sitting in his chair doing nothing” during the end times. And that probably involved a lot of haggling over licensing of Fantasia. They at least wanted to show him caring about the others to that degree.

Like I said, Yen Sid isn’t for everyone. If you don’t like him because you just don’t like him, fine. I didn’t come here to try and change everyone’s mind. But I just think it’s a little bit unfair to harp on how much of a “bad teacher” he is in III when this lines up with none of his prior characterization, but lines up perfectly with how much the rest of the cast is bad everything-else.

[square-enix-headcanons]

May I request the Organisation member's reactions to Demyx starting (or trying to start) a food fight with them? :)

asdhjkashd Yes yes you definitely may

Xemnas

Oh fuck!

Is basically Demyx’s first reaction. It was an accident! He didn’t think Xemnas would warp there!

Demyx dares to mess with Saix on occasion, but Xemnas is kinda terrifying

So poor Dem is probably shivering and would love to run away, but he knows Xemnas would just follow him if he tried

Xemnas stares at him for a few moments before saying anything

“Demyx. I believe you have something better to do than such activities?”

Demyx just nods and for once actually goes to do his work

Xigbar

“Heh, do you really think that’s a good idea, kiddo?”

It’s a vicious fight

Demyx is pretty good (and uses his water to shield him), but Xigbar is a sniper

The entire room ends up flooded and full of food

Xigbar takes a long look around and just goes “Well, have fun cleaning that up” before disappearing who knows where

Xaldin

Unamused, and probably dodged the food Demyx threw

“Really, Demyx? I would have assumed you were too old for this.”

Not too shocked - he did have to watch smol Ienzo a couple of times, and well, kids will be kids - but definitely not in the mood for it

Demyx doesn’t try to start one again with him

Vexen

Not exactly shocked; he took care of a kid, and even Ienzo could be a bit mischievous at times, but he is surprised since he assumed everyone in the Organization was too mature for a food fight

Immediately suspects Demyx, and yep, Dem’s the only one in the room with him

Demyx will get scolded viciously

About how ridiculously immature it is, and anyway, why would he dare do this to the Number Four in this Organization while he’s just Number Nine, etc

Lexaeus

Like Vexen and Xaldin, he’s had stuff like this happen before, but that was a long time ago

Not really up for a full-on food fight, but he will throw back one handful of food

Well, one of his handfuls. Which is still a lot of food

Demyx ends up with his face covered in food while Lexaeus calmly leaves

Zexion

Let’s hope Demyx didn’t hit one of his books

“Demyx, I don’t have time for this.”

As long as his books are safe, Zexion doesn’t really care - and honestly, he kinda wants to do a food fight, but in the end, he doesn’t

Might leave an illusion of himself behind so he can get away without any more food thrown his way.

Saix

Demyx was tired and annoyed and Saix was pestering him at lunch again, so he just threw some of his food without thinking

Instant regret when he notices what just happened

Saix wipes the food off his face, turns around, and leaves, so for a moment Demyx relaxes again

Little did he know he’d end up with much, much harder missions now

Axel

100% up for it

Demyx throws some mashed potato at him, and without hesitation, Axel throws some jello

Both of them are laughing so hard it’s hard to aim to be honest

Manage a mess a million times bigger than it has any right to be

When Saix comes in to stop them, Axel just pelts him with mashed potato

(Saix is very unimpressed, but Axel doesn’t care)

Luxord

He likes to act all posh, and it’s mostly accurate

But hey. A gentleman needs to unwind from time to time, and this is a prime opportunity

When the first bit of food hits, Luxord just chuckles and slowly gets up - Before quickly throwing some food at Demyx and ducking under the table

Might try to make a bet with Demyx - Whoever ends up with more food on them has to clean up

At first, neither of them uses their abilities, and Demyx was losing

Then he used some water to wash off the food on him, which meant that Luxord was free to use his own abilities, too, and it’d still be fair

It’s a close call, but Luxord wins against a by now very very wet Demyx

Marluxia

Well, Marluxia is into gardening. He probably goes through 10 coats a week because of dirt and grass stains; he at least won’t care about getting dirty during the food fight

His reaction depends on his mood. If he’s busy, he would just dodge the food Demyx threw and leave

However, if he’s in a good mood, he might even humor Demyx for a bit

Not for long, but they trade a few throws

It’s kind of amusing, really, and with all his scheming, Marly can use a bit of fun

Larxene

Woops

Demyx was still tired and didn’t pay attention, and he thought it was... Someone else

(Not that he said so, he’s smart enough to tell Larxene he mistook her for Roxas or Luxord would be a Bad Idea(TM))

Larxene stares at him for a moment, then throws the food back with enough force to knock Demyx off his feet

Demyx flees asap

Roxas

???

“Demyx why are you throwing food at me?”

Demyx has to explain that he wanted to start a food fight. Throwing food at each other for fun

Roxas is a bit confused at first, but he tries it out

And hey, it’s fun! :D

Their battle goes on for quite a while, and they probably get Axel, Xion and maybe some others to join in as well

In the end, Saix notices the commotion and gives them all a lecture, before tasking them with clean-up

Worth it though

Xion

Pretty confused, like Roxas

Once Demyx explains, she’ll try it out too

Doesn’t get as much into it as Roxas, so they don’t end up with a long battle involving half the organization

They do trade a few throws though, and cause quite a mess

Xion convinces Demyx to help her clean up, and they manage before Saix finds out about it

[nadziejastar]

How Isa Became a Seeker of Darkness

So, I obviously think the idea that Isa willingly became a Seeker of Darkness is ludicrous. Terra became a Seeker of Darkness by having his rage exploited. Riku (Replica) became a Seeker of Darkness by having his jealousy exploited. I thought it would be interesting to speculate more in-depth on what emotional weakness Xehanort exploited to get Isa to fall to darkness.

Secret Ansem Report 2

I have made a grave mistake. My study of the "darkness of the heart" began with a simple psychological test and quickly snowballed. Spurred on by my youngest apprentice, Ienzo, I constructed a massive laboratory in the basement of my castle.

Unbeknownst to me, my six apprentices then began collecting a large number of subjects on which to perform dangerous experiments into the "darkness of the heart." As soon as I found out, I called my apprentices together and ordered them not only to cease their studies, but to destroy the results of their research thus far.

Upon his advice, I decided to review the data obtained at my basement lab. That is when I discovered the "Ansem's Reports." Though they bore my name, the only one I had written was number 0. Apparently he had gone on to pen numbers 1 through 8 himself. Yes — the first subject in my foolish experiments.

Zexion has a weapon called “Taboo Papers” which is part of Wild Gear. This may be a reference to the reports that Ansem the Wise discovered before he realized the dangerous experiments his apprentices were conducting without his knowledge. Saïx’s Wild Gear weapon is called “Crescent” and it is shaped an awful lot like the astrological symbol for Black Moon Lilith. This is the reason why I think both of these weapons are referring to the experiments on darkness.

The Tower: When the Tower card appears in a Tarot reading, expect the unexpected – massive change, upheaval, destruction and chaos. It may be the loss of a loved one or any event that shakes you to your core, affecting you spiritually, mentally and physically. There’s no escaping it.

Wild Gear is “The Tower” in Luxord’s deck, and it is very appropriate for the concept of Black Moon Lilith.

The Two of Pentacles: This suit represents something supportive that is available to you. The figure-eight image is a symbol of immortality and eternity. The card is a sign that you have to believe in yourself even if you aren't feeling confident.

“The Tower” is shaped like the Two of Pentacles.

Axel's weapons have a lot of alchemy symbolism. Saïx is a moon-based character, and his weapons are heavily based on astrology. One weapon is named “Astrologia” and another is named “Horoscope,” and they both incorporate astrological symbols into the design. Both of those weapons hint that Isa is associated with the zodiac sign Cancer (ruled by the Moon). The weapon named “Twilight” hints that he is also associated with the zodiac sign Pisces (ruled by Neptune). These two water zodiac signs are the most emotional ones---the polar opposite of Saïx, who shows almost no human emotion. There’s also a weapon shaped like the symbol for the asteroid Vesta, known as “The Guardian of the Sacred Flame”. Astrologically, Vesta defines how you see your mission and truth in life and the world.

Black Moon Lilith is the geometric point in the sky that marks the furthest point of the Moon’s orbit around the earth, the apogee. It’s the mathematical point that’s exactly in between the Earth and the Moon–essentially, empty space. It is a dark void, which stays approximately nine months in each zodiac sign.

In an astrology chart, Black Moon Lilith represents a person’s primitive impulses and behavior in their rawest form. Psychologically, it is a point that represents how we react to emptiness and isolation. It brings up deep and primal issues like repressed feelings of rejection, rage, and the refusal to give in. 

One of KH3's most important themes is "facing your fears". Knowing where Black Moon Lilith is located in a birth chart can reveal information related to the shadow self. It reveals our deepest fears and how we project those fears onto others.

Black Moon Lilith in Cancer

The Black Moon Lilith in Cancer reflects a deep fear of abandonment. Cancers are the nurturers in society, but are prone to feelings of loneliness and lack of support. Lilith in Cancer brings up issues around dependency and co-dependency and detests people that come across as needy or clingy; this is a part of themselves that they dislike and therefore project these issues onto others.

In Cancer, the shadow is caused by the fear of abandonment and it manifests as intense separation anxiety. I think the writers were inspired by this idea with the plot for Abrabah in 358/2 Days. Aladdin was reluctant to rely on his best friend Genie even though he really needed help, and the novel hinted that there was a parallel to Axel's past with his best friend.

Aladdin: See, Genie and Carpet took off to see the world. It's what Genie always wanted, so I wished him the best and all, but...

Goofy: You miss him.

Sora: Man, things must be REALLY quiet with Genie gone.

This theme was continued in KH2, where Aladdin really missed Genie, who had gone away. He felt lonely. Saïx appears to be very ashamed of this aspect of his human self and projects this “weakness” onto others, like Roxas. He also has mixed feelings towards Axel due to this issue.

“Bet you don’t know why the sun sets red. You see, light is made up of lots of colors. And out of all those colors, red is the one that travels the farthest.”

Something interesting is that the Cancer zodiac sign (ruled by the Moon) begins on the day of the summer solstice, which is the longest day of the year. Day 255 is called "The Longest Day" and it's when Axel tells Roxas about the red sunset. Black Moon Lilith is the furthest point of the Moon’s orbit from the Earth. It represents total darkness---an empty void. I think it's cool how the Kingdom Hearts writers incorporated astrological concepts into the story like this. But how does all of this relate to the plot?

Secret Report 4: Experiments of the Heart – Notes on Subject X, Excerpt 2

Secret Report 4 is obtained after clearing Battlegate 4 at Toy Box: Galaxy Toys / Kid Corral.

My pilot studies used a handful of subjects, but none possessed the fortitude to endure them. Ultimately, all suffered mental collapse. I knew it would be a heavy blow to lose a subject as unique as she. Upon discovering the tests I've been conducting, my master demanded that I cease my work immediately and destroy what research I have compiled. Worse still, he ordered the release of my remaining subjects. She is gone. Where is Subject X now? Has "wise" Master Ansem hidden her away? —Xehanort 

In KH3, one of the reports on Subject X was found in the Kid Corral. This is also the world where Young Xehanort learned that he can create vessels by putting a heart into an empty puppet. Young Xehanort split the world in two, and separated Andy’s Toys, in order to test the strength of their bond. 

Young Xehanort: In this world toys have hearts. And those hearts come from a powerful bond. So what happens when those bonds are stretched to their limit? When they are worlds apart, can cloth and plastic hold on to their hearts? All I needed was a wedge to widen the divide---someone like you to fill them with distrust and doubt. And that chasm you created can be filled with a vast darkness.

Young Xehanort took Buzz through a portal in the Kid Korral, then revealed that the darkness in him was born when he was separated from Andy. This loneliness created a chasm that Xehanort was able to fill with darkness. Sora and Woody dispelled the darkness of his isolation by surrounding him with the light of their friendship. 

“Well, I think you can be inseparable, even if you’re apart. It’s like, if you feel really close to each other. Like best friends.”

I wonder if Young Xehanort did something similar with Lea and Isa using the Datascape, which is itself another world. And since Lea and Isa’s connection was so strong, Isa’s heart didn’t collapse and he became the unique Subject X, the most prospective candidate for becoming a vessel for the X-Blade. Saïx seems to have huge issues with being alone. He said there was no meaning in fighting alone and got really upset when Sora said that he wasn’t alone. Lea and Isa lost their hearts right outside of the Datascape. It looked kinda similar to when Axel brought Xion back and collapsed afterwards. That was the last time he saw her. Maybe Lea went inside the Datascape to retrieve Isa, who was put in there as part of the experiment. 

“You’re letting yourself get too attached to them.”

“Right, sir, of course, sir.” Saïx spun on his heels.

That was all he wanted to say to me?

But just as Saïx started walking away, he caught a barely audible murmur—

“You’ve changed.”

He listened to Saïx’s receding footsteps, and his gaze dropped to his own feet.

“You sure I’m the one who changed?” he said under his breath.

There's also various hints in the story that Isa was very clingy towards Lea. Since he was described as a quiet boy who only came out of his shell for Lea, this is a very believable personality trait. It seemed like this was supposed to be an important aspect of Isa’s character and would explain some of Saïx's warped personality traits. I also like that we can fight Anti-Saïx during the fight where Roxas is trying to leave the organization. Isa's fear of abandonment was probably the weakness that was exploited by the apprentices. Axel remarks that Saïx has changed several times in 358/2 Days. And a few of those times, it seemed related to the clingy and needy aspect of his personality. One instance is when he said Axel was getting too attached to Roxas and Xion. And in the manga, they reinforced this idea by hinting that Isa became easily attached, like he did with Pluto. 

“I thought I told you not to get too involved.” Saïx swung his chair, turning his back on Axel. Axel could feel nothing but a will of rejection from that back.

“Just look at it. I won’t say any more than that.”

For Saïx to say that, he probably doesn’t intend to tell me any more. 

Axel stared at Saïx’s back. 

The two of us have definitely changed since those times.

“…I wonder which of us it was that changed,” muttered Axel, and Saïx’s shoulders trembled for just a second. Without waiting for an answer, Axel left the room.

Another instance is when Axel was trying to get Saïx to open up to him by putting his hand on his shoulder. Then Saïx coldly brushed his hand off and refused to tell him anything. This cold rejection made him think how much things had changed between them.

Within one of them, Terra, I sensed something. The boy, though well-intentioned, seeks power single-mindedly. And that kind of hunger is a seedbed for darkness. I had found my vessel.

Black Moon Lilith is all about emptiness, incompleteness, being estranged, and feeling like you are lacking something or someone important.

“If your best friend goes away, you’re sad, and if you get to be with them, you’re happy,” Naminé added. “Isn’t that how it is, Axel?”

“…That’s about the size of it.” Axel nodded and sat down on the remaining empty sofa, staring at the sea-salt ice cream he held.

Maybe this is why Isa was viewed as a better candidate for a vessel than Lea. Xehanort may have found him a better seedbed for darkness due to his emotional dependence on Lea and his vulnerability. Master Xehanort turned Terra into a Seeker of Darkness by exploiting his desire for power. I think Isa's darkness was fueled by loneliness. The same feeling Axel suffered from for the entire story, causing him to chase after Roxas like a lost puppy. 

Sora: Your “loneliness” only made Buzz and Woody’s connection stronger.

Since they both shared the same pain, I think it would have made their connection stronger in the end.

[leonawriter]

ok I need to- just-

Zexion, talking to Riku in the memory-created Destiny Islands.

“That’s all that’s left in your heart: dark memories. Your memories of home are gone - each and every one.”

Riku rejects the idea, and lists off his friends, citing them ‘his closest friends’ as he hangs his head.

“And who threw away those friends? Maybe it’s your own actions that you’ve forgotten. You destroyed your home!”

“All of the Islands you grew up on were sundered - scattered. Many hearts were forever lost to the darkness. Because of what YOU did!”

“You were pulled into the darkness then, and now you belong to the darkness. You should look - look, at what you truly are!”

Right. So. 

Knowing what we do from Birth by Sleep, the Ansem Reports, and 3D?

Zexion do you even REALISE how much you’re projecting your own issues onto Riku here?

Because, yeah, he so is. Ienzo was a kid when Terra-Xehanort was let into the Castle, younger than Riku was. But he still retains the same bonds as before he became a Nobody; he shows sadness and grief that after 3D, we know is real. 

Here Zexion is, accusing Riku of everything he has done, and calling him things that he could be and that isn’t yet, and telling him that he’ll never be able to face anyone again (which is most likely where a lot if not all of his insecurities in KH2 came from! remember “how will I face anyone?” “like this”?, nice job, Zexion) and... don’t you wonder if perhaps Zexion sees a bit of himself in this kid?

Because I think what’s happening. Ienzo was taken in by Ansem, and looked after primarily by Even but also the others (which we have to assume includes Dilan, Aeleus, and Braig in that), and then after Xehanort arrived it... would only make sense if Ienzo did indeed spend some time with the guy. I think Xehanort encouraged Ienzo to take an interest in his work, and at some point started encouraging him to want to go further, and to make his guardians push further in the research. 

And, yes, Even and the others should have said no, but as far as any of the Organisation knows, Nobodies don’t feel guilt, so why would any of them say “It was my fault, you don't have to blame yourself for this”? They wouldn’t know there’s a need.

Which would mean that Ansem would start making this assumption that somehow a child is capable of shouldering the responsibility as much as any of the others, and separately to that, Zexion grows up feeling that part of blame does lie with him, and that you were the one who destroyed your own home applies to him, too.

And all that said... how much d’you wanna bet that he’s still got these issues? The scenes where Lea wakes up, and the one where Lea’s been looking around for ages for Braig and Isa, those are the first times he’s been awake and aware since his death at the hands of the Riku replica - and, ironically, Axel (who is now Lea).

I just think that Ienzo is more likely to use logic and push his own emotional issues down, bottle them up, and act as politely yet distantly as possible to everyone he sees as having failed, and then the moment someone says ‘no, we don’t actually blame you, and we want you around’, he’s just... in shock. And either right then, or some time later in private, I can see him starting to cry, because being accepted wouldn’t have been something he was planning for.

[aliceslantern]

Beyond this Existence: Atonement, chapter 5

Ansem always had a penchant for strays, so it's not at all surprising when he takes in the orphaned child Ienzo. The boy's presence changes everything, far more than Even is willing to admit. Ienzo's brilliance seems promising, but the arrival of a young Xehanort pushes the apprentices onto a dark, cruel, inhumane path which will affect the future of the World. And even once it's all over with--once Xehanort is dead--they still must pick up the pieces, forgive one another, find a way to atone for their atrocities, and struggle to accept the humanity which has been thrust upon them.

Or: Even's journey from BBS through post-KH3

Read it on FF.net/on AO3

---

“How is he? Has he yet stabilized?” He recognizes the deep voice almost instantly. Lexeaus. Ah. So I lived.

He can’t open his eyes, can’t, in fact, move at all. But the moment he’s conscious pain invades, his innards feeling vaguely liquified.

A second voice, hoarse, almost inaudible--”No. Not yet.”

“You needn’t speak, Ienzo. I know it’s still painful.”

Ienzo?

“I’m fine,” the second voice mumbles. He doesn’t sound fine; he sounds very ill, or worse. “You should--” A cough, one not full of phlegm but inflammation.

“You’ve been taking good care of me. I’m back on my feet. You, on the other hand, need to rest. And to avoid talking for a little while.”

“Okay.”

A warm hand grasps his wrist, taking his pulse. A pen scribbles numbers. He must've been given painkillers; he sleeps.

This time he's able to open his eyes.

He recognizes the space instantly; it's his old med bay, in Radiant Garden. Why on earth is he here, not in his sterile, pristine facilities at the castle?

Lexeaus had called Zexion Ienzo.

Oh dear.

Was it possible? Had they--regained hearts somehow? Had they found the answers in Kingdom Hearts? And how was he still so injured if it's been that long?

He hears the door creak and slits open his eyes.

He sees the boy--the young man--rummaging in his cabinets. He looks much the same as he ever did, though, he notes, the boy (Ienzo?) Is dressed in white, apprentice garb. The boy turns and Vexen quickly shuts his eyes again.

The boy clears his throat. "I'm not sure if you can hear me," he says, haltingly. His voice is much clearer, and certainly the same timbre as Zexion's, but it carries something soft and alive in it Vexen's never heard. "Even… it's me, Ienzo. I'm sure the old names are a shock to hear."

Old?

"We're human again. We found out… once a person’s Heartless and Nobody have been vanquished, they reform in the place they were split, whole. But with our Nobody's injuries. Which is why you're so hurt. I… I've no idea what truly happened to you, but you're rather unstable. You and Dilan both. But I'm tending to you."

Human?

"If you could speak… open your eyes… twitch your fingers… the EEG machines are broken and I've no magic. I'm not even sure you're in there."

Human and powerless.

"I--" He exhales thickly, and Even (the name fits again like a glove) realizes he's upset. Twelve years of emotion battering him, he presumes, child to adult in one instant. The concern wells up in him, consumes him; the pain sears him, and he's no idea whether or not it's physical.

---

Again, Even wakes. He can feel motion returning to him bit by bit, and he can close his fingers into weak fists. The physical pain is less potent now, but instead one thing floods him, sickly and constant.

Guilt. Rivers of shame, streams of remorse. Guilt for the way he stopped caring about Ienzo, guilt for all he did to the people of their experiments, agony about Ansem. Darkness can only excuse so much.

"Hi, Even."

Ienzo's back. Even can't bear to speak to him, though he's sure he can. He feigns unconsciousness, slitting his eyes open for glances of the young man.

Ienzo looks pale, thin, the boyishness gone from his face, but the change makes him look unhealthy. His hands, when they feel Even's pulse, are clammy, oddly warm without gloves. Even can't remember the last time he's actually seen them. He's aching to look the boy in the eyes. He chances it, once, while Ienzo fusses with the bandages on his chest; gone are Zexion's steely, empty blue eyes. The humanity is back, soft, opening.

He can tell from a glance that Ienzo is in agony.

More horrifying yet, he can just see below Ienzo's collar when he leans over--thick bruises surround his windpipe, along with an angry red scar.

He'd had difficulty speaking.

Who dared do this to him?

Unconsciously, the boy pulls his collar up. Even forces his eyes shut. "I'm afraid there's a lot to catch you up on," Ienzo says in that same frighteningly gentle tone. He explains about Xehanort, about the time travel, about the vessels, the hearts the Nobodies are regrowing, the Organization's real goal, the Keyblade War from the old times. "I… I could really use your help, Even. I know I was so dreadfully cold to you. I… I am sorry. You were always kind to me when I was small. You were there when Master Ansem was not--" His voice catches. "Excuse me, I am feeling unwell."

Even hears him sit and chances another look. Ienzo sits with his head in his hands, rocking slowly, trying not to cry.

No, boy, cry. It's alright.

"I… forgot how much this hurts," he says, with a dark laugh. "I am… so unsure of who I am… you'd doubtless find it fascinating. Can you imagine the psychological journals, Even? What happens when you try to give a twenty-year-old man an eight-year-old's heart?" A sob. "I'm so sorry. I… am trying to pull myself together. They need me. But I could never let them see me like this."

Cry it out, little one.

For a time, Ienzo does just that, a sound that makes Even's heart (heart) ache, triggering another vein of remorse.

I should have protected you.

"I'm sorry," he repeats. Even shuts his eyes again. He feels Ienzo take his hand. "This is most unbecoming, isn't it? I bet you'd say I'm making a disgrace of myself. I have to… check on some things. Get some rest."

For a long while Even lies reeling. His physical pain lessens  into a throb, while his heart seems to grow heavier and heavier with regret, the I should'ves and that's my faults. Ienzo and Ansem take center stage, his abuse and dishonesty towards them pounding in time with his heart.

Ienzo comes and goes every few hours. Even is too much of a coward to talk to him.

"It's… bizarre," the boy says. "Your body… is healed. Why aren't you awake?" Even hears a click, sees bright light; he wills himself to flinch as little as possible as the boy forces his eyes open. "Even, if you're pretending, it's alright. We can work through this."

Don't move. Don't move.

"If only we had a replica for you… or one in general…"

Why do they need one?

"I miss my old friend. Come back soon."

He's gone again, and Even aches for him. The loneliness is nearly as potent as the guilt.

He can't lie like this forever. He needs to make a decision, needs to talk to the boy, needs to begin to figure out where to go from here--

"You're so full of shit."

It's the voice that startles him. Braig. Of course the man is back too. He opens his eyes. Unlike Ienzo, he's in the Organization coat still.

The true vessels.

The fool.

Even stares at him. "Is there a reason you're here?" His voice is hoarse from disuse, but clearer than he thought. "Perhaps to put an old man out of his misery?"

Braig smirks. "You wish," he says. "I've been watching these tender scenes play out between the two of you. Who thought Ienzo would be such a softie? To think, he was wanted."

"By Xehanort, I presume?" He spits.

"Who else?" Xigbar shrugs. “He's good. So quickly. A heart and instantly everything changes. But there's no point getting rid of him. Xemnas is sentimental. Who would’ve thought?"

So callous. Even scowls.

"How's humanity feel?" he asks, with a smirk. "You look like death. Bet you feel like it too."

"Is there a reason you're here?" he repeats.

"Let's just say I have a proposition for you." He scowls a little. "We could use you. He could use you."

A spark, an idea. "Why should I? What do you have to offer me?"

"We're closer than ever to Kingdom Hearts. If that doesn't intrigue you, I don't know what will." Xigbar comes closer, his footsteps almost silent. "Would you rather stay here? Crappy place, overworked and underappreciated… reminders of the past everywhere. Doesn't it just hurt. "

He has to restrain himself from rolling his eyes.

"If you can barely look at Ienzo…" He clucks his tongue. "Why don't you think about it? I got the impression you never liked humanity anyway."

"Nor you," Even says softly. "This life just doesn't suit creatures like us."

Xigbar smirks and disappears into a dark corridor.

---

An idea comes to him slowly, fettered by guilt and headaches, and Ienzo's surprisingly loose tongue. Zexion was verbose but careful; Ienzo talks almost constantly, with little ability to stop himself.

"I'm… almost at my wit's end," the boy admits. "I'm inundated by what we did… I knew it, factually, but Zexion made my memories so cold. To feel it…" He rumples the curtain at the window. Even's glad he doesn't look at him; it means he can watch him. "How could we? I… I don't understand how we made the leap. Was it all the influence of Xehanort, or darkness? Why did they let me--do this?"

The weight of it might just choke him. They'd started this darkness, made it spread faster than it would've naturally; they upended a balance just to see what would happen, with little care who or what was lost.

I took an oath.

Even's a bloody hypocrite.

"I've been trying to help them," Ienzo says. "Sora, the restoration committee. They've been so terribly gracious about it. It truly is the least I can do. I've given them everything that I had, but you classified and encrypted so much. They have a right to know what really happened. Maybe if they know… their outside perspective can help us put a stop to it. I… wish you were here, Even. There's so much you never told me, things that could be of use. We… need a light. I don't understand a whit of your research, the small bits I've managed to decrypt. I wonder if this reformation process has given me some form of brain damage." A wry laugh. "These emotions do make me feel… much clumsier. Doesn't help I've been using you as a captive audience. But the others… truly cannot understand what it is I'm going through. I wish I were able to find it fascinating. Mostly it is hampering my ability to be of use."

He's silent a long time. When he speaks again, it's much more quietly, to himself. But Even's always had good hearing.

"If I can break the code… find Roxas… it could change everything. But the bodies… I need to know what Even knew."

He hears Ienzo leave. Slowly, Even sits up. He feels weak from being so still for so long, but otherwise functional.

It all makes sense. Everything.

Yes. This would be how he can atone.

---

Xigbar returns soon after. Even's already sitting waiting for him. "I'll go," he says tiredly. "Seems to be the only way to further my research. I've no need for such... paltry emotions."

Xigbar's grin is killer.

---

The transformative process is just as painful the second time. Again the emptiness. He feels his mind wander, tempted again by darkness, by the ability to set bonds aside, but he reigns himself in each time. Thinking of Ienzo, his devastation, of his betrayal of Ansem's trust. He doesn't feel quite hurt anymore, but it weighs heavily on his conscience. No matter.

He can fix this. He will fix this. No matter the cost.

He acquiesces to the New Organization’s demands, because they, too, need replicas. All the more excuse to perfect what he knows, to leave the most flawless in stock for Roxas and for Xion--though he can barely remember the latter. All he has of it-- her --are his own reports. But if she were with Roxas long enough, she’ll be important. More convenient yet, Xemnas wants her, her easy mimicry of power.

There are too many familiar faces in this New Organization--Organization Rehash, Larxene calls it, and Vexen can’t help but agree. Xigbar, Saïx, Xemnas, the four neophytes.

Saïx is initially welcoming to him, and visits him again.

“To what do I owe the pleasure,” Vexen says evenly.

“I wonder if you feel it too,” the man says.

“Feel what, nostalgia? That’s all this Organization is.”

“You gave up your new life. That says a lot about you. Was this truly about research?”

Vexen turns, sorting the lies he could tell.

Saïx knots his hands. “I gave mine up too.”

Vexen rolls his eyes, turning back to the new replicas, still forming in their chambers. “Yes. And?”

“I wish to… put an end to this nonsense. I sense you may feel the same.”

Vexen looks at him, his gold eyes (so like Vexen’s own, now--he tries not to think about it more than necessary) somewhat unreadable. Is this a trick? Are they trying to lure him out?

Saïx leans in a little, drops his voice. “Let me help you,” he says softly. “Together, we can put an end to this Organization.”

Vexen feels the gut punch; caught. Yet, he reads earnestness in Saïx’s tone.

“You were once my teacher,” he continues. “I know what you’re capable of, and vice versa. I think--if we’re careful and clever--we can give the other side what they need.”

“How am I to know you won’t merely turn me in to Xehanort?”

“It matters not to him whether you fill out the ranks so long as he gets his bodies. Not since you and Demyx have been… ah… retired. He’s spread himself too thin, shattering his heart so. He wouldn’t notice a thing.”

Vexen inhales.

“I don’t want to be this way. I don’t want this to be my legacy. I’m sure you feel the same. We must end this suffering.”

“And how do you propose we do that?”

Saïx smiles. “Simple,” he says. “We do what he asks--and have a third party ferry a replica over to Radiant Garden. One whose movements are hardly ever noticed--because that’s the way he likes it.”

Vexen has an idea where this is going. “...Do I even want to know who you have in mind?”

The smile becomes even larger.

---

Demyx agrees to meet him in Radiant Garden. To be so close to Ienzo but unable to contact him is a sensation that sits oddly in his breast. Vexen explains it as simply as possible, but Demyx’s reaction is relatively theatrical.

“What? ” He’s making much too much noise--Vexen clamps a hand over his mouth.

“Quiet, you dunce,” he hisses.

Demyx swats his hand away. “But dude, why would you pick me?”

“I cannot let the chosen catch wind of this, understand?”

Immediately he gets defensive. “Oh, I see, it’s because I got benched.”

This is more frustrating than he could have hoped. His tone is much shorter, and louder, than he intended. “I got “benched” too.”

“What! Hey, quiet.” Now it’s Demyx’s turn to try to silence him.

They both look around and see nothing, though admittedly this is meaningless. Vexen turns away, trying to think.

“Okay, man, look. Real talk? Backstabbing those guys would be stupid.”

Vexen rolls his eyes. As if this life is truly worth anything.

“If they find out, we’re yesterday’s toast. I mean, what’s in it for me?”

Vexen wonders if this angle is the right one. “Forgiveness.”

He seems genuinely surprised. “Huh? For what?”

“Men like us--in the pursuit of science, we sometimes make terrible mistakes. Lose sight of our mission to help people. But now I can help someone with my research. Now, I can atone.”

The boy’s been listening with interest, a calculating gleam in his eyes. But what he says next is only further disappointment. “I’m not a scientist.” He turns to leave, with a dismissive wave.

Something very like panic overtakes him--if the chosen heard of this--”Wait, wait, wait!” He grabs Demyx’s shoulder. The younger man shrugs him off with ease.

“C’mon, dude. I’m useless, I’m chicken, we’re not friends. I can count the amount of times we’ve hung out on one hand--less than one hand. I didn’t even know you in the old life!”

Enough of this. For a moment, Vexen wishes he had more patience with Demyx in the past, if only to make this encounter easier. “Fine, fine. But listen.” He pulls the boy close. “This is Saïx’s doing.”

Demyx’s eyes widen almost comically. “Huh? No way.”

Good. He has his interest. “It’s true. The whole thing was his idea.”

“Huh… no fucking way…”

“He wants to atone too. But, he is one of the chosen, so his hands are tied. Hence my actions on his behalf, hence my need for you to act on my behalf should all go awry.” He’s listening intently, Vexen notes. He could use Xehanort’s callousness towards Demyx to his advantage. “As you said, we are far from friends. No one would ever suspect you.”

“So I’m not doing any fighting?”

“Correct. And more importantly, no benchwarming.”

He smiles, and Vexen knows he’s won. “Yeah baby! Sign me up! Yes! Demyx time.”

Vexen sighs heavily. This certainly would be interesting.

---

He’s more than a little alarmed when he catches wind that the “chosen” are seeking Ansem. Apparently, the man’s been spotted in Twilight Town. Xehanort’s Heartless intends on intercepting him. The man is too dangerous.

Vexen doesn’t hesitate. He’s abandoned Ansem once; never again.

He’s been mostly ambivalent to his status as a Nobody, but it does grant him a certain strength he didn’t have before. He’s able to stop Xehanort’s Heartless, to let Ansem escape. It comes to him, in a flash--the chosen hardly ever watch him, now that they’ve gotten their bodies--perhaps he could let Ansem know, to get the word back to Ienzo and the others. Perhaps he and Demyx could rendezvous, with the replica. Ienzo would need his help. Doubtless the reunion would be… dramatic, but he knows the boy is capable of completing the task at hand.

It’s time to shore up. Time to stop being a coward. Time to apologize.

But he is glad that, as a Nobody, he cannot feel much.

Ansem looks as though he’s aged much, much more than twelve years, despite the fact that he could not age in the realm of darkness; it seems as though there are many more years between them than merely five. He’s with some teenagers, those friends of Roxas, those assisting, albeit in a very tertiary manner.

Even struggles to find the words, to assuage them all he means no ill will. “My dear Master,” he says slowly. “You are safe.” It’s a lame, tone-deaf beginning. Because they are anything but.

“Who’s there?” one of the teenagers yells.

In a shockingly even-keeled voice, Ansem asks, “Even, is that you?” A beat. His expression barely changes, all coldness and indifference--not that Vexen anticipated anything more. “So, those Nobodies were your doing.”

Vexen lets the Dusks appear. Then, very deliberately, he bows. “I have been waiting for this,” he admits. “Gave up a normal life in order to plant myself in the Organization. And when I heard Xehanort had gone looking for you, I realized it was my chance to find you as well.” And keep you safe. “For you see, I, too, wish to atone.”

Ansem’s expression is closely guarded, but he very nearly smiles. “Is that so?” he asks slowly.

“How could I not? To be human for those days again… made it all so real.”

The teenager who’d yelled gave him a once over. “You’re one of them, aren’t you,” he spits. “Sora told us about you.”

Vexen ignores him. “I wish to help. I… realize you have no reason to trust me.” He chances taking a few steps forward. “I also realize any apology I offer could never possibly be enough.”

Ansem is silent for several moments. “Am I not at fault, as well?” he asks.

“You…” He wants nothing more for these teenagers to disappear. “You still didn’t deserve the fate you received.”

His eyes are empty--so empty. He turns to the children. “Thank you for all your help, but this man will not harm me. Come, Even. Apparently we have much to discuss.”

Vexen wills the Dusks to disappear. They walk for a long time in silence, the two of them, in this perpetual sort of twilight.

“We cannot return to the mansion. It’s being watched for now,” Ansem says. “Keep your voice low.”

“We seek to take down the new Organization,” he says. It’s beyond odd to be this close to him.

“We?”

“Myself. The man you knew as Isa.”

Ansem smirks. “And how do you propose to do this?”

“In these intervening years… I did perfect the replica program. More or less.” He doesn’t feel pride any longer. “We have a… third party willing to deliver one directly to Radiant Garden, for Roxas’s heart. To Ienzo.”

Ansem’s calm exterior slips, for just a moment. “How… is my boy?”

“I did not see him for very long,” Vexen says. “He is… well. Whole again.”

“You hesitate.”

“Of course I do.” He takes a breath. “He’s received his humanity after years of numbness. The adjustment… I fear it’s not been easy. But I have faith. His brilliance has only grown with him.” He sighs. “With this replica, and our ally, I wish that you, Master, will go to him.” Ansem says nothing; his face is stony. “I realize the feelings you have are complicated. But he needs someone to help him, and I must keep my cover.”

“...Yes. Quite.” He nods. “However could I face that poor boy?”

“With the warmth and grace you’ve always had,” Vexen says softly. “Once this is all over… humbly, I would like to return as well.” If he survives the process. “That is, if you’ll have me. I wish to do nothing more than to ease the pain I’ve caused. I should like to regain your trust.”

Ansem nods once. “This is a good start.”

---

It pains him, to not be present for all this, but his own feelings and notions are irrelevant. He dresses the replica in a coat to protect it, wraps it up further in a blue blanket--almost like an infant.

Demyx arrives--on time, for the first instance that Vexen’s ever witnessed. “So, here we go, right?” He’s smiling.

“...Quite.” He touches Demyx’s shoulder. “I must… thank you for doing this.”

He shrugs. “I’ve been thinking about it. It’s not right for Xehanort to use us for his own stuff, you know? It kinda bites.”

Vexen chuckles. “Indeed. I’m afraid I must ask one more thing of you.”

He rolls his eyes, but his tone is affable when he says. “For pete’s sake, what now?”

“You and I must lie low, once this is through. We must wait and hope for Xehanort’s defeat.”

Demyx glances down at the replica, in its swaddling. “...And then what?”

“Whatever you like, I suppose.”

He bites his lip. “Yeah… that might be nice.” He hefts the replica over one shoulder. “This thing is hollow, huh?”

“Not for long. You know where to go?”

“Yeah, get the old man. I hear you.”

Vexen sighs. “Good luck, Demyx.”

For just a moment, before he disappears into darkness, Demyx smiles, and it’s the most genuine expression Vexen’s ever seen him wear. “You, too.”

---

He can’t be certain that Ienzo receives the replica, can’t chance checking. He goes to an anonymous world, hides in the wilderness. He waits, and to a degree he prays. Weeks pass. He wonders if he should chance contact, should see how things have gone--between Ienzo and Ansem, and along with Dilan and Aeleus, there shouldn’t be any issues with the procedure.

Then he feels an ache in his heart--the heart he doesn’t quite have. The piece of Xehanort. Without hesitating, he returns to Radiant Garden, knowing that he will not have the ability to travel for long.

Because it’s withering, and dying; he can feel the sickly pain, the feverishness, inexplicable agony in his whole body. It must’ve worked. They must’ve beat Xehanort.

It’s all over. At last.

[nadziejastar]

How do you think losing their hearts at young ages would have effected the development of Zexion, Saix, and Axel?

Day 173: The Gamble

Author: Luxord

I find myself envying the children. Perhaps some fundamental difference exists between those who become Nobodies as adults and otherwise.The longer you have lived, the more you are positioned to lose with such a gamble. But a child can look forward, unafraid even in the face of immeasurable odds. I doubt they even see life as a gamble the way we do.

Those 3 are definitely the most sympathetic members due to their age. They grew up in a cult. I think they are all emotionally stuck at the age they became Nobodies. I hope you don’t mind if I cover this in separate parts. Each of the characters deserves their own post.

Zexion

Deep inside that castle in the world that never was, Zexion was heading for a small room. From ahead of him, a lone man’s footsteps rang out as he dashed noisily down the stairs.

“Zexion! Zexion!”

The man–Vexen, was calling out to Zexion.

“What is the matter? Please don’t be so noisy,” Zexion answered coldly.

Zexion didn’t really like this man, who was at times loud and exaggerated.Liking and hating are emotions we lost when we became nobodies, but memories from our time as humans remain. Yes, since I was a human I’ve hated this man. But, because of his research, there is also reason for respect.

To understand the effect losing his heart had, we need to know what Ienzo was like as a human. He lost his emotions, but what kind of emotions were they? Why did he hate Vexen ever since he was a human child? My guess? When Ienzo ran off it didn’t seem like it was the first time. A lab isn’t where most kids want to spend all their time. He probably was bored and wanted to play. He wasn’t even afraid of the Unversed. That’s how desperate he was for stimulation. But Even would always retrieve him, and they’d focus on research stuff.

Ienzo never spoke, or smiled as in any of the flashbacks we saw of him as a kid. Even could probably see that Ienzo was gifted and would make a great scientist one day. So he tutored him and groomed him in his research. Even loved Ienzo, but I don’t think he realized that a child has certain needs, like socializing and playing. He didn’t let Ienzo play and didn’t understand how badly he wanted to. Ienzo didn’t speak up because he was an adopted kid. He wasn’t comfortable asserting himself.

The next day, Roxas was in Twilight Town again, this time with Zexion. Before Roxas joined them, Zexion had been the youngest member of the Organization. Now he was closely observing the newbie’s behavior.

Without that Keyblade, our plan will never succeed.

When Zexion thought back on their erstwhile research, the “plan” seemed to him like a contradiction in terms—trying to reclaim what they had lost through their own actions. He didn’t believe they had done anything wrong by studying and producing the Heartless. It just so happened that in that process, they had forfeited their own hearts.

Ienzo was an orphan, so he already had been through trauma. Then Ansem the Wise was banished and he lost his heart when he was about 7 or 8. He said he didn’t think they did anything wrong by producing the Heartless. While Xaldin said they became Nobodies to escape emotion, Zexion talked like losing their hearts was just an unintended consequence of creating the Heartless. He didn’t even understand why they were trying to get their hearts back. Seems like he was kept in the dark. He was so young when he lost his heart that he didn’t actually have much life experience having one.

“You mean…I don’t have a heart?” Roxas questioned, mystified.

He doesn’t even know what a heart is. I ought to understand a little bit more about it. After all, I used to have one, and I was studying it, too. I remember the surge of emotions so well from the time when I had a heart, but I can no longer feel them. Now all we have are the memories and the quest to regain those things.

“Correct,” Zexion told Roxas. “None of us do. Which is why we seek them. We will merge with the multitude of hearts that is Kingdom Hearts. And you will help us amass them. Each member has a distinct role in achieving the Organization’s objective. Yours is to gather hearts by defeating the Heartless with that Keyblade of yours.”

He still remembered what it was like to have a heart. But he didn’t seem to miss it that much. I think it’s likely that Ienzo was so unhappy as a kid that he genuinely didn’t care about having emotions. Especially since he probably lived in terror of Xehanort/Braig every day. I’m sure he had some idea that shady stuff was going on in the castle. He probably saw and heard many things. But he wasn’t told the truth about any of it.

Despite his secretiveness, Zexion was the only one Lexaeus said he trusted in his report. I think its because he was so young when he became a Nobody, he didn’t really have an agenda or ulterior motives of his own. He’s only concerned with self-preservation, which is following orders and staying in Xemans’ good graces. Saïx wanted him eliminated because he was competition for being the perfect lap dog. Both of them were too young to join willingly and are similarly terrified and submissive to Xemnas. 

“What…what is he?! No one’s ever taken in the darkness the way that he can! It’s absurd…!” Collapsing to all fours, Zexion pounded his fists on the floor.

Axel had never seen such an emotional display from him. Well, this was the first and last time.

Finally, Zexion looked up and noticed the Replica. “Wh—? Riku?!” He shrank back in fear.

He was absolutely terrified in Castle Oblivion. I bet he lived in fear every single day.

“Naminé’s betrayed you. Sora eliminated Larxene. The question is which one of us will be next to fall,” Axel commented.

Scowling, Zexion did not turn to face him. “…It might be you.”

“Me? I doubt that.”

Zexion had never trusted Axel one bit. In fact, he had never trusted anyone besides the original members of the Organization—those he had once known in the laboratory. But he found two especially untrustworthy: Saïx, who had somehow wormed his way into Lord Xemnas’s confidence, and his close acquaintance Axel.

Zexion never trusted Axel and Saïx. He was very wary of anyone who wasn’t an apprentice. It shows how he had a cultlike mindset when he was in the Organization. But when he’s recompleted, notice how different he acts. Ienzo never spoke in BBS. He never smiled. So it’s not like his change in demeanor was just because he had a heart. He was very upbeat and acted like he genuinely wanted to help Lea find Isa. Aeleus is way more quiet, because he probably had a lot more personal guilt over his actions. Ienzo was talkative to the point Lea found it annoying. Lea was probably weirded out by how unusual he was acting, honestly. Ienzo never seemed the slightest bit bothered by the fact that Axel took out Zexion. Nor did he act like he cared about any previous rivalry between him and Saïx. 

Wouldn’t surprise me if Ienzo actually felt a strong sense of affinity for Lea and Isa. They were the only other kids in the Organization, so naturally he’d notice them. He probably never hated them. If anything, he probably longed to be friends with them since he was so lonely. He was always too afraid of Xemnas to trust them, though. But after recompletion, Xemnas/Xehanort weren’t around anymore, so his REAL personality came out. Like Lea, he was robbed of a childhood and is stuck in a state of arrested development. I think Ienzo is socially still at the level of a kid. He seemed kinda naive honestly. Like he didn’t understand why Lea would be uncomfortable around him. I think he would have been genuinely happy to be friends with Lea and Isa. I think he’d be desperate to have ANY friends close to him in age. I don’t see Lea being friends with any of the apprentices. But if he had to pick one, it would be Ienzo.