#which i am pretty confused about because i didnt eat anything crazy.

[125storejuice]

.

[yengyangyo]

berry | k.s.w

pairings: kim sunwoo x female reader

genre: college au, friends to lovers

summary: you are in denial that you have a crush on your own friend, kim sunwoo until he made you confess your feelings.

word count: 1.9k

note: i wrote this on sunwoo's birthday. its quite late to post it cs i kept on postponing it sksksk but yea this was inspired by sunwoo's berry. enjoy reading! xo

-

you had sunwoo on your mind for days that you are lacking of sleep. it doesnt sit quite right for you to have this 'romantic' feelings for your bestfriend. meanwhile, sunwoo is not helping you to clear up your mind at all. he's just always there beside you no matter what.

he'd wait at the bus stop just to go to class together with you in the morning even when you're running late. lunch time together is a must unless one of you had other plans. both of you are just stuck together anywhere you go.

so for once, you thought it'd be a good plan to avoid him today. you woke up early that morning to get to class and you texted sunwoo that you had a discussion with your groupmates. this went on for a few days, you were making excuses everyday but sunwoo believed you.

until he couldnt take it anymore.

you felt your phone vibrating in your pocket and you saw sunwoo on the caller id. you were hesitating to pick it up until you felt someone grabbing your wrist from the back, turning you around.

"found ya!"

sunwoo appeared in front of you with the brightest smile. you couldn't help but to feel happy and welcomed by him that you started smiling unknowingly. you get back to your senses seconds later and avoided his eyes.

sunwoo knew something was wrong when he saw your expression fell. he glanced at your phone that kept ringing. he ended the call and your phone went off too.

"why arent you answering my calls? are you still busy?"

you couldnt stand seeing sunwoo looking all gloomy and upset. you felt bad for ignoring him so you tried making up excuses again.

"oh yea i was about to pick it up. sorry,"

sunwoo pouted and wrapped his arm around your shoulders. he's using his favourite perfume again today, you noticed. that scent happened to be your fav of him too. you felt weak and wanting to crawl into a hole or something.

"im craving chicken today. how about chicken and beer for dinner tonight?"

sunwoo turned his head at you, waiting for an answer. you looked up at him and his face was only inches away from you. you looked away, flustered. he had always been this way but only now you noticed how you felt about him which made it more awkward to be this close to him.

"i dont know, sunwoo. i'll have to check with my groupmates," you said, pretending to check your phone for your nonexistent messages.

"its friday come on. i havent hang out with you for days already," sunwoo whined and that made you laugh.

"alright but i get to choose where to eat,"

-

you chose the chicken restaurant near your neighbourhood where you both are regular customers there. the place was crowded with youngsters like the both of you, drunken with beer and chicken.

you were also getting tipsy from drinking. the first 30 minutes of the dinner went normal. asking how each other had been doing with the college life.

sunwoo sighed and rested his chin on his right palm. his eyes falters on you, searching for something. you looked away, feeling a bit burdened and transparent, because sunwoo knew you werent acting yourself these days.

"hey," he called you but you didnt answer and still avoiding the eye contact.

"hey look at me,"

you were startled at the warmth on both of your cheeks. sunwoo was cupping your cheeks to make you look at him straight in the eyes. you didnt know if this warmth was from his hand or from you blushing.

"what's wrong?" he asked. now his hand moved to yours, holding it tight. "you're avoiding me these days. do you think i didnt notice?"

silence fell between you two, just staring at each other. the guilt creeping up inside you and you didn't know where to start.

its the smallest gesture from him that create butterflies in your stomach.

that one time he opened the water bottle for you when he saw you struggling and saying that you're such a baby. his laughter filled the room when you frowned at the remark. you know how much he loves annoying you and in the end he always made you laugh too.

on rainy days, he'd always share the umbrella with you and keeping you close to him so you wouldnt get drenched. sometimes he'd gently rub your arm so you wouldn't get too cold.

sometimes he'd call you names like how boyfriend and girlfriend do, jokingly. though, you somewhat enjoyed it and played along. pretending to cringe but actually was flattered by him.

at this moment, your hand in his, eyes boring into each other, you just want to scream at him how much you love him.

you smiled in defeat and pulled back your hand.

"there were just so many thoughts going on my mind lately, sunwoo. im so sorry,"

he didn't question you any further and he nodded his head.

"whatever it is youre thinking, i just want you to know i'm always here for you,"

you smiled, this time sincerely at him.

"you always are sunwoo. i appreciate that,"

he smirked, "after all, i am the best that you got,"

you rolled your eyes and gave him your disgusted face.

"so are you gonna tell me what's bugging you?"

"i think i like someone. he's just always running round in my mind these days,"

you didnt know where the courage came from to blurt out that out of your mouth. sunwoo who was halfway shoving a piece of chicken in his mouth, stopped. he put it down and looked at you, doubting himself if he heard that right.

"i couldnt stop thinking about him. that pretty much explains that i like him right? or is it just my mind playing games with me?"

you swore you saw his face fell for a second but he went back to the usual sunwoo after that.

"does he know about your feelings?"

you shrugged, "nah. im still trying to find out what i really feel about him. should i tell him?"

sunwoo didnt say anything and chugged down his beer until its empty.

"yea why not," he answered simply. "he must be really lucky to have you,"

you laughed, "i havent done anything yet. there's a possibility that he'd reject me too anyway,"

its funny how you talk about this like its some stranger to sunwoo when you are talking about him. you felt light hearted a bit after letting that out.

"who'd reject you?" sunwoo said while playing with that piece of chicken, not looking at you anymore. "you're pretty and fun,"

you raised an eyebrow, wondering if you heard that right. he was still poking the chicken with his fork, eyes hazy and lips pouting.

"so you're not gonna tell me who is this guy you have a crush on?"

"you'll find out soon,"

-

sunwoo offered to walk you home though you kindly told him he didn't have to. he insisted and now you are walking beside him. he was suddenly quiet after the conversation you had with him.

"is that why you're avoiding me? because you have a crush on this guy?"

he asked, hands in his pockets, eyes looking forward. you looked at him, feeling a bit weirded out by his cold tone.

"no... okay maybe? i dont know. i just needed some time to myself,"

sunwoo fell quiet again for the rest of the walk home. when you reached the front gate of your house, you looked back at sunwoo. he looked like he was upset. you walked up to him and pat his side.

"hey thanks for walking me home. i'll tell you everything when i'm ready okay?"

sunwoo didnt say anything and you turned around to get out of that awkward moment.

"no i'll tell you everything right now okay? hear me out,"

you stopped in your tracks and facing him in confusion. he was pacing around, his hands are restless in his pockets.

"before you confess to him i guess i have to make a move on you first," sunwoo said, this time he raised his voice. "this is why people are saying we should always tell what we feel before we regret it and i dont want to regret it but i think im too late,"

you are worried at him. he looked like he was about to break down right in front of you. you wanted to comfort him but you didnt get what he's trying to say.

"sunwoo, i dont understand. what is it?"

sunwoo stopped pacing around and stopped directly in front of you. you swore you saw his eyes tearing up and you wanted to cry too. you thought, the alcohol has made both of you emotional.

"i like you,"

you both felt like the world is weighing down. it was as if the time has stopped for you two. you were staring at each other in disbelief.

"i know you like someone else and i shouldve told you sooner. i kept on putting back my feelings behind," sunwoo halted, gasping for air. "im too late now but i have to tell you this,"

"sunwoo-"

"i dont care who he is. but i want you to know that you deserve of love. you kept on telling yourself you dont deserve anyone. you know how badly i want to tell you that im here? i want to love you," sunwoo was practically shouting at this point. he sighed, "shit im already am in love with you,"

at those words, your tears came streaming down like crazy. you've never seen him cry but tonight he looked beautiful even when he's crying. you lurched forward and wrapped your arms around him. he buried his face in your neck and you felt his warm tears on your skin.

"im sorry. i just wanted to let that out after keeping it for so long. this is the worst timing huh?" he murmured under his breath.

you shook your head and laughed. you let go of the hug first and cupped his face in your hands. teary eyes staring at each other.

"sunwoo its you,"

"what?"

"i love you too,"

you closed the distance between the two of you, kissing him for the first time. that caught him off guard but then smiled in the kiss. it was sloppy but sunwoo is for sure leading you well at this. you both craved for this for a long time already. you were still crying of relief and touched by his confession.

"you should've told me before i start crying like an idiot," sunwoo looked down at you, smiling with his swollen eyes.

you laughed at him and you snuggled more into his embrace not wanting to let go too soon. you realized how much you miss him after those dreading days of ignoring him. he rested his chin on your head while gently patting you.

"im sorry ive been ignoring and denying my feelings for you,"

"its okay. thank god we actually like each other though," you both laughed at the same time and you havent felt this happy and giddy before.

"so i can actually call you my baby now?" sunwoo asked smirking at you playfully, knowing how much you hated it before.

"that's still cringy but sure, babe,"

[julie-thefatones]

Ghost of You || Luke x Reader || Part 4

A/N: Your best friends with Julie, since the stamp was removed from the boys they are able to be seen by lifers at choice and can touch lifers at choice, but are still ghosts. You and Luke grow closer and closer starting to go from friends to more than that and everyone starts to notice, it just takes a little longer for you two to figure it out.

Part 1 , Part 2, Part 3

Side Note: The song that Luke "writes" about Y/N is in fact Moving Along by 5 SOS look it up its a good one

Word Count: 3,088

WARNINGS: 16+ (Sexual References)

It had been weeks since yours and Lukes encounter, in fact you guys have barely talked.... Anytime you guys hung out it was always with the group and only the group and every time he would barely even look at you, you didnt really know what to think of it .... you missed him, yeah you knew that it was gonna be different than before but not this different... You were walking out of 4th period when Carrie came jogging down the hall to catch up with you "Hey Y/N! im gonna walk with you" She said in her normal high pitched Carrie voice, you gave her a shy but inviting smile and then hugged your books to your chest, you hadn't really felt like your self since this whole thing happened, Carrie could see the sadness in your demeanor "Are you okay Y/N? you have been down for like..... weeks" Carried asked with concern, you kind of sighed because thinking about it was hard enough let alone talking about, but you thought your friend deserved an explanation, you glanced in Carries direction "Not really" you said with sadness in your voice "Me and Luke had an... incident so to speak a few weeks ago and it kind of caused a rift in our friendship and now he won't even look at me or talk to me....." you sighed and looked down at the floor "I miss him" you said in a barely audible sad tone, Carrie came closer to you and put a gentle hand on your back showing she cared "Can I ask ... what happened between you and Luke.... you guys were so close, like it was rare to ever see you guys not together" Carrie asked in a soft tone trying not to be pushy, you contemplated on telling her or not *What do I got to loose* you thought to yourself then stopped walking, turning to face Carrie

"Okay.... you just cant tell anyone okay" you said getting close enough to Carrie so that only she could hear what you were saying, her eyes widened with intrigue "Yeah, I promise Y/N" she said urgently to insure you knew that she wouldn't tell a soul "Me and Luke......" you started saying, then stopping to look side to side, to make sure that no one was listening to what you were saying, then looking straight back into Carries eyes "Me and Luke, almost slept together... like it was going to happen but then ... Alex and Reggie Poofed in and then it was a huge mess and then Me and Luke agreed to just be friends and now we are here" You said in a slight urgent whisper, Carries mouth was wide open with shock with her eyes bugged out of her head "Carrie?" you said widening your eyes in concern to why she wasn't answering yet "Carrie!" you exclaimed in hopes she would snap out of it "YOU AND LUKE WHAT!" she yelled in which you immediately slammed your hand over her mouth "Can you not yell maam" you said with tight lips and wide eyes, Carrie shook her head yes under your mouth and relaxed, you released your hand from her mouth in which she started talking instantly "Im sorry! you and Luke what? why am I just now hearing this" Carrie exclaimed in a whispered tone, you sighed and continued walking down the hallway, in which she followed after you "Because I didnt want anyone to know .... I didnt want to make a big deal.... especially since Luke isn't even talking to me ..... I don't know... I just really really miss him" You said in a melancholy tone, Carrie looked at you as if she was gonna say something and then Alex poofed in right in front of you and Carrie, stopping you both in your tracks "Woah! Hey Alex" You said in a high pitched tone, you thought you would be used to them popping in like that by now but you weren't "Luke misses you too! hes driving me crazy" Alex exclaims motioning his hands from his head like he is going out of his mind, You just look at Alex not really knowing what to say, Carrie just looking back and forth from you to Alex waiting for one of you to speak again, Alex continues on with his rant "Y/N! hes so mopey, hes just sitting around all day writing in his stupid freaking song book with his sad Luke face! and anytime I try to ask him to do something or ask him what wrong he just looks at me with that face you know that Luke face that is just like brooding and HIS LUKE

FACE!" Alex says in frustration all while pacing back and forth in front of you guys, messing with his hair in frustration and annoyance, and then he abruptly stops in front of you with wild eyes, grabbing both your shoulders "Y/N! you gotta go make up with him or something! I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Alex exclaims, you had to admit this was slightly entertaining you couldn't help but chuckle, but then you sighed thinking about the *You gotta make up with him* part of what Alex said "Theres nothing to make up, we aren't fighting ..... we just ..... I guess aren't as close as we were" You said back to your sad voice , Alex rolls his eyes throwing his hands up in the air doing a slight twirl to face away from you and then a quick motion back to face you "BULL CRAP! YOU GUYS CANT GO FROM ALMOST BONING EACH OTHER TO NOT TALKING AT ALL THAT FAST!! YOU GUYS NEED TO TALK! NOW" Alex exclaims, now pushing you toward the door, Carrie just laughing and then following after to not miss anything "GET HIM OUT OF MY STUDIO, AND FIX HIM!" Alex continues pushing you out the door, him and Carrie just standing in the hallway looking out the door as you walk down the street in major confusion to what just happened, Alex sighs "I really hope I got through to her but wasn't like mean ya know" he says tilting his head to the side as he watched you walk away through the school doors, Carrie tilting her head in the same direction but snapping it up ward to look at Alex "No I think you did a great job! very well executed" She said with reassurance, Alex snaps his head up to look back at her "Thank you, ya know I just ..... I really want Luke out of the studio" He said bringing his hand to heart.

As you walked down the street you decided you weren't gonna go see Luke, it just felt too weird and you didnt want to impose, you just decided to go home... you just wanted to sleep! not talk to anyone or deal with anyone! just sleep! you thought to yourself....... your feet dragged you up the stairs into your room, you slammed the door and face planted on your bed when you noticed something in the corner of your eye... It was your guitar, Luke had kept it with him since he gifted it to you just to keep it safe, but there it was, with its own stand and everything, then you noticed a note sticking out of the strings, you quickly rolled out of your bed to stumble over and read it, you gently pulled the note out of the strings being careful not to damage the guitar in any way, the front of the note read To: Y/N you could tell it was Luke who left it there because of the awful, but cute hand writing, it smelled like him and you thought that was a weird thing to think but .... you missed that smell, you took a moment thinking about the last time you breathed in his scent.... flashing back to the night you guys almost..... you shook your head bringing your self back to focus and opening the letter

Dear Y/N,

Hey.... long time no talk eh? how are you? I don't know why im asking that this is a letter not a text message..... anyway! here's your guitar, figured it wouldn't be any good to ya if you didnt have it. It didnt have a strap or anything so I took the liberty of picking one out for you, I figured you would like this one it has checkers all over it, It will match your vans... and my vans too! thats pretty cool .... I almost bought one for my self I think still might, look at us matching guitar straps! Reggie is gonna be so jealous! Anyway, I hope your doing good ... Oh! and good luck on you French test! I know you were nervous about that, I know youre gonna rock it! you always do

-Luke

You closed the letter holding it to your chest and smiling, you lightly lifted the guitar strap with your finger to look at it, you chuckled noticing that you were actually wearing your checkered vans today. You removed your finger letting the strap fall gently back to place, you sighed curling your legs up to your chest. You remembered that the band had a show tonight... *Should I go?* you thought to your self... you initially thought you wouldn't go, but it would be nice to support your friends, and maybe you and Luke should talk *Okay Im gonna go!* you thought to your self confidently, but first you needed a nap.

It was 7:00pm, you arrived at the venue of the gig 30 minutes before their performance, the place was packed! you knew you should have gotten their earlier, but it was hard enough to get out of bed to get here... wasn't exactly easy for you.

You danced along with the bands that were on before Julie and the boys, you noticed Flynn and Carrie across the venue, they noticed you back waving their hands in the air in excitement for you to join them, You grow a big smile and excitedly run over to join them... you hug them in a greeting, and just then you heard the announcer say "Please put your hands together for Julie and The Phantoms" the crowd goes wild, Julie and the boys had become quite popular in your town, You, Carrie, and Flynn made it a point to be the loudest ones out of everyone though. Julie entered the stage, alone like she always did, she made her way over to the keyboard and sat down. She pressed one button on the keyboard in order for the boys to poof on stage, Luke immediately starts singing while simultaneously playing the guitar "Thinking bout you lots lately! Have you been eating breakfast alone like me! Thinking bout you lots lately Oh are you moving along!" You had never heard this song before, it must have been new, Luke played and sang effortlessly, you didnt really notice the lyrics until you noticed Carrie and Flynn looking at you with curious wide eyes, Luke sang with such passion in his voice, he always did but this time seemed different. When the bridge came Luke found you in the crowd his eyes getting big but then locking his eyes with yours as he sang, not breaking his stare, singing "Scared of moving on, but you're already gone So if you're moving on, won't you just tell me? Scared of moving on, but you're already gone So if you're moving on, won't you just tell me?" As soon as the bridge ended he broke your gaze, you shook your head in order to get your self to recover, you look over at Carrie and Flynn who were watching you for your reaction, you look back up at the stage, Luke and Reggie were doing their classic move of sharing the mic during the chorus, then Luke broke off, playing the melody on his guitar with such... what seemed like anger, or frustration. You started questioning if you should have even come tonight *Was this a mistake..... he looks mad* you thought to yourself, now biting your thumb due to your new anxiety toward the situation. When the song ended Luke shook his hair which was now damp with sweat, and then he stared at you, you couldn't tell what his emotions were at this moment.... *oh boy, how am I gonna make it through this night* you thought to your self.

The band had a great set, after the new song they played Finally Free, which was one of your favorites, then they did Bright. You were really proud of your best friend and how successful her and the boys were becoming. The whole event was over and the place was now pretty much empty, it was just you, Carrie, and Flynn waiting for Julie and the Boys to come out from the back. You were super nervous to see Luke, you didnt know what to say, was that song about you? you wondered to your self.... in the middle of your internal crisis you saw Julie coming from the back with Alex, Reggie following behind all smiling and then Luke shortly after them, he wasn't smiling though, he was just anxiously messing with the hair behind his head. Carrie and Flynn ran up to Julie to give her a hug to congratulate her on the show, you broke your gaze from Luke in order to do the same, you quickly ran over to give your best friend a hug "Congrats Jules! that was an amazing show!" you exclaimed and then motioned to the boys "All of you!" you said looking at all of them, and then setting your eyes on Luke just a little longer than everyone else, he just shyly smiled in response "Thanks Y/N!" Reggie Exclaimed "Did you like the first song? Luke wrote it about you!" Reggie continued with a big smile and a slight chuckle at the end, Lukes eyes widened with annoyance, Alex just turned slowly to face Reggie, his eye twitching in the process, Reggie just looked confused at both of them "What? was she not supposed to know" Reggie asked like he really didnt know, You just stood there shyly, not really knowing what to say, Carries eyes widened "Well!! Flynn! Julie! Alex! and Reggie! I think there is something over here you guys should see its really cool?" Carrie said breaking the awkward tension, or trying to at least, motioning everyone in to the other side of the venue in order to give you and Luke some privacy "Why whats over here?" Reggie asked confused, in which Alex pulled his arm with annoyance rolling his eyes "Just come on reg!" Alex said with a frustrated tone pulling him in the direction Carrie was leading everyone. Soon enough they all disappeared behind a curtain on the other side of the venue, You turned to look at Luke who had his hands in his front pockets, he looked up to make eye contact with you, a half smile appeared on his face as you guys shared a look, you couldn't help but smile a little too. Luke lifted one leg up and then hoped forward to get closer to you "Soooo....." He said as if he didnt know what to do next, You put your hands in your back pockets, then motioned your shoulders forward a little "Sooooo" You echoed back to him, he chuckled "Did you like the show?" He said motioning toward the stage, you nodded your head yes "Yeah!! you guys rocked it as usual" You said, you felt awkward because you had so many things you wanted to say but you didnt want to overwhelm him or feel like you were over stepping, He made a slight whistle shaking his head yes then looking down at his foot which was resting on its heel motioning side to side, "Was that song really about me?" You blurted out with out even thinking, or realizing what you were doing, Luke froze and then looked up with wide eyes, his lips still pursed from whistling and then he relaxed his position putting his foot down and removing his hands from his pockets "Okay, we're just gonna jump right into it..... yeah! it was" he said with a slightly frustrated tone, you bit your lip not really understanding "Wh- why?" you asked truly wondering why he wrote it, you guys both agreed to be friends and you guys never dated so what was there to move on from, he looked at you scrunching his eyebrows together "Why?" He said back confused to why you were confused, you don't know why but you were getting angry "Yeah!" You said throwing your hands in the air "Why Luke! Why everything! Why have you been avoiding me! why have you been so absent!!!" You exclaimed, starting to tear up "So what we almost slept together! BIG DEAL! THAT DOESNT MEAN YOU HAVE TO CUT ME OFF! THAT DOESNT ME YOU

HAVE TO

TURN AWAY FROM ME!" You didnt realize it but you were yelling, tears were streaming down your face, you wiped your tears with the sleeve of your jacket "I missed you so much..... so much Luke..... so yeah why?" you said softer with a crack in your voice, Luke bit his lip in frustration "You wanna know why?!" he exclaimed moving one step closer to you "Because you mean more to me than I could ever imagine someone meaning to me, youre the most amazing person I have ever met!" He exclaimed, now him growing tears in his eyes "AND WHEN YOU KEPT SAYING WE'RE JUST FRIENDS IT EFFING BROKE ME INSIDE BECAUSE IM SO IN LOVE WITH YOU THAT IT HURTS! OKAY! THAT THE FACT YOU DONT WANT ANYTHING MORE THAN JUST FRIEND SHIP KILLS ME INSIDE! SO YEAH I AVOIDED SEEING YOU BECAUSE EVERYTIME I SAW YOU THE PAIN WAS UNBEARABLE BECAUSE ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS GRAB YOU AND HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS AND CALL YOU MINE!" He yelled, grabbing his hair in frustration "There ya go! thats why!" he exclaimed finishing his statement, You stood there gathering the ends of your jacket sleeve in your fists, looking at Luke with red puffy eyes, and before you could respond Luke picked up his guitar, wiped his eyes and poofed out.

[incorrect-miraith-quotes]

(A/N yes, this is an incorrect quote acc but I can write actual good stuff too 😳)

Drinks and Sunsets

7:00 AM (3 hours before the match starts)

“Renee!! Wake up please, there is breakfast!” Natalie shouted at the closed door infront of her. Renee had fallen asleep at an ungodly time trying to find out more about herself and well, it didnt work out the way she wanted. She groaned, squeezing her eyes tight while moving her arms up. She stretched and eventually popped her shoulder which caused her to scream but not really scream if you understand what I mean. She cursed at herself for not going to sleep earlier knowing that there was a game today. She sat up, shading her eyes from the window that shown the bright sun. Her head turned to the door when she heard knocks coming from the other side. “someone’s there” Renee’s voices whispered, echoing throughout her ears. “No shit sherlock,” She hissed.

“Wra- I mean Renee~ wait no- sorry. Renee are you gonna eat?” Elliot sputtered, clearing his throat. “Depends on what it is,” She sighed. “It’s uH..pancakes I think? I dont know, Ramya was chosen to be the one who cooks today. They looked..burnt,” He explained, shuddering from the thought of Ramya’s pancakes. “I guess, give me a minute to get dressed and I’ll head out. Wait for me?” Renee asked, getting up and walking to her dresser. “Uh..yeah, yeah I’ll wait for you. Dont worry about a thing..you worried cause I’m not..haha..ha..,” Elliot trailed off, sliding down to the floor until he hit his arse on the concrete. Renee chuckled to herself in his stupidity and got dressed. She wore a black tank top with short grey shorts and her black sneakers with her ankle high socks (black of course). She unlocked her door and peered over to the tall man crouched next to her door, falling asleep.

“Wake up Elliot, I thought I was the one to wake up hm?” She flicked his forehead, causing him to rub the spot where he was hit. “Ow ow ow- Why??” Elliot questioned, confused as to why he was hit. “You were gonna start drooling so..anyways, breakfast?” Renee pulled him up, almost falling backwards. “I mean that’s why I’m here right? Right? i hope Im right..,” Elliot trailed off again, starting his journey towards the kitchen with the small woman behind him. Everynow and then he would peek back to make sure she was still there and not inside a portal. “You’re safe with him” Renee looked up at Elliot, the voice echoing throughout her mind. “You like him dont you” Renee looked up at the ceiling and scrunched her face in annoyance, internally screaming at the voices. “I don’t, you guys always assume things,” she whispered, looking at the random framed pictures hung up on the wall. “Elliot!” Renee shouted at the still walking man. He jumped slightly and flinched, “y-yeah? What’s up?” “Kitchen is right here doofus,” She nodded her head towards the room, “How did you manage to miss this big ass room??” “I guess it was an accident, never done that before haha,” He sighed and apologized. The so called pancakes were sitting on a top of a white ceramic plate, getting colder by the minute. “I wouldn’t even dare to try them..I mean you could but- It probably wouldnt be good..,” He walked over to the counter, “If you want, I can cook somthing up for you?” “That would be nice thank you and uh..can you make me some coffee? You know how I like it already,” She sat down at the large dinner table, laying her head down. “Yeah I can do that for ya, anything you want in particular?” Elliot asked but was met with silence. He peeked over and saw she was sleeping soundly with her head in her arms. Elliot took off his sweater and draped it over her shoulders then went back to the kitchen.

8:37 AM (1:30 hours before the match starts)

“Breakfast is ready Renee,” he shook her gently until she stirred, “Mornin’ beaut- I-I mean um..sleepyhead..? Yeah..that’s the word..sleepyhead.” “Mmm..mor-“ She clears her throat and rubs her eyes, “morning..sorry I fell asleep I just didn’t get enough sleep last night.” She looked down at the scrambled eggs and toast that were neatly placed onto the plate infront of her. “It’s fine, I didnt wanna bother you because I thought you’d kill me,” He admitted, taking off the apron that was tied around his waist. He placed it on the hook next to the fridge where a stickynote was left by Octavio not to touch his jello. The only person he let touch his stuff was Natalie. Renee picked up the fork and began eating. “You should date him” “No,” She whispered, furrowing her brows as she picked up a piece of egg with her fork. She watched as the tall man made her coffee just the way she likes it; black with a little bit of sugar and creamer. She was never one to like sweet coffee like everyone else. He poured the jug’s contents into her prefered mug. He added the little things she liked and carried it over to where she was sitting. She thanked him with a small, almost unnoticable, smile. Renee sat there with her cup close to her nose, smelling the bitter coffee aroma. She cooled it before sipping it slowly, enjoying the taste of her morning coffee.

“Hey Elliot, do you know what time it is?” She questioned the other who was washing the pan. He checked his phone and replied, “8:52” Renee stood up and brought her plate to the sink after she was done eating. “Could you wash these for me? I need to freshen up in my room,” She handed him the plate, “thanks.” She started making her way towards her room; which consisted of one right and a lot of walking straight. But she never got tired of it since she was happy she lived comfortably with her friends. The 2 rooms that were next to hers were Natalie’s and Ajay’s. The boys were on the opposite side so in front of her was Elliot. The hallway she lived in held 6 legends at a time 3 girls, 3 boys. Renee’s hallway had Ajay, her, and Natalie and then Octavio, Elliot, and Tae. The others had their hallways, some with empty rooms for future legends. Natalie was never really in her room since she was always with Octavio. It was weird, seeing two polar opposites living together. Then there were Ajay and Tae, she managed to make friends with him. I’m pretty sure Tae is still annoyed but is warming up to her.

“Oh! Youre awake finally,” Natalie smiled, walking out of Octavio’s room, “You never woke up so I had to get Elliot to help me..” Renee stood there at her door with the key in the slot, “Yeah, Ive just been...thinking.”

“Hm, well I hope you get some more sleep. Oh and goodluck with the match today!”

“You arent participating today?”

“Non, Ive been feeling unwell for the past few hours”

“Why aren’t you in bed then?”

“Well, Tavi was getting Ajay but he hasnt come back yet”

“You should be resting Nat..”

“Im okay I swear! Pas besoin de s'inquiéter,” She smiled softly and weakly. She was still in the large shirt Octavio gave her to sleep in and pajama pants. She had a small nessy plush tucked into her elbow, being squished tightly. “Chica! Get back in the bed right now or else im going to llevarte allí yo mismo,” Octavio came back with soup and meds, shouting at the sickly girl. “Ah, Tavi.. Je suis désolé I was just wondering where you were.,” She hugged the plush closer to her fragile body. “Come here conejita, lets get you better,” He lifted her up into his arms, still carrying the supplies Ajay had given him, “When you are done being sick I am going to....”

“Lovebirds,” Renee sighed and closed the door to her room, preparing for the match ahead of her. She got her battle gear on and re-did her messy bun into a neat one. Her kunai rested on the counter, untouched in its holster. She picked it up and unsheathed it, smiling at the small sparks of void that emitted out of it. She put it away and hooked the holster to her belt. “You know you wanna be like them, you cant deny it” The voices teased. “You guys really want me in a relationship huh,” Renee flopped backwards onto her messy bed. She didnt have time to make it in the morning but now she can. She checked her phone and scrolled through her social medias. Elliot made her download them and every now and then, Elliot will make her post a picture or something. She always got tagged in fanart and random posts about her in the matches. She would occasionally like some and they would freak out and thank her. She scrolled through her tagged until she came across one post. It was fanart of her and Elliot, sitting together with their hands intertwined watching the sunset. Renee blushed slightly at the art. She saw that Elliot had already liked it, but seeing as he likes all posts that he got tagged in, it wasnt weird. She hesitantly liked it and turned off her phone. “Maybe I do like him” Her thoughts were interupted when someone knocked at the door.

9:34 (couple minutes until the match starts. The ship still has to arrive at the arena, World’s Edge)

“Renee! Get yuh ass over here ‘cause the match starts soon!” Ajay’s voice boomed through the door. Her footsteps could be heard on the other side as she walked away. Renee stood up and stretched while walking towards where Ajay just was. She opened the door to see Elliot walking out of his room. “Oh hey Ren..can I call you that? Im gonna call you that..anyways, hi. Wanna walk together?” She nodded, “Okay cool, lets start heading over before everyone leaves without us.” They walked in a comfortable silence over to their friends. Octavio was in a corner moping since he didnt have his love interest with him while Crypto spied on him from another corner. He was still mad that Nat rejected him a few weeks ago to be with Octavio. It was crazy hearing that he was sulking around in his room for hours on end. But back to the main girl in this story, Renee sat down on one of the couches that sat in the middle of the room. Everyone was ready to board the dropship to head over to the arena. Here is what was going around, Gibby and Ajay were laughing together,Octavio was..unenergetic for once, Tae was in the corner, Loba was fixing her nails while Rev watched her on the wall, Alexander was playing around with his gas, and lastly Ramya was chewing gum while playing on her phone. It was always bustling in the living space because its where everyone socialized other than the bar. A small yet loud alarm was sounded to let all the legends know it was time to board the dropship.

“Woo-hoo! It’s finally time to go,” Octavio said unenthusiastically. Everyone walked in one-by-one or in pairs. They all strapped up in their skydiving equipment and was prepared for the long drop ahead of them. Renee stood next to Elliot’s room in the ship while the others either went to their rooms or sat in the middle. (Reference back to the season 3 trailer for room placement) Renee was flippping her kunai peacefully while Elliot rambled about something in his room. She enjoyed listening to him talk about nonsense while the quiet humming of the ship was surrounding them. It was peaceful, atleast to her. It blocked out most of the voices and when she was around Elliot they seemed to shut up and occasionally tease her. The drop ship shook a bit and Elliot tripped a little but caught himself. Renee didnt mind turbulence since she didnt really care about anything really, she tenses up a bit sometimes but thats about it. Her scarf end swayed as the ship lowered slowly. Suddenly the screens flashed on and displayed everyone’s banners. Everyone gets a chance to customize and submit their banners to headquarters. The teams were as listed,

Lifeline, Crypto, and Gibraltar

Octane, Caustic, and Bloodhound

Mirage, Wraith, and Loba

Revenant, Pathfinder, Bangalore

Rampart

Everyone stood on their respective platforms also known as where the screens flashed their names. The champions were shown not even a minute later, Wraith’s team was shown and she said a voiceline to taunt her enemies of the day. The metal shifted under their feet and lowered slowly, revealing the bright, cold arena. Everyone at this point was used to the cold though, they were glad it was world’s edge because kings canyon during those months was scorching. Comms were switched on and everyone tested out the mics. Everything was set up and ready to go so teams started dropping towards their locations. Wraith was jumpmaster and pinged on the map, Fragment West. Everyone knew both of Fragment was dangerous and it was hotdrop that game too. You can bet that there were multiple death boxes surrounding the small yet large area. Wraith was already kill leader with 7 kills from the popular spot. Bullets were heard in the distance and Wraith portaled to gain some speed while Loba teleported and Mirage had to run. He wasn’t a running person for long distances so he just took wraith’s portal.

“W- Wait up you two! I dont have a movement ability!!” He cried out to the two girls. The two looked at eachother and giggled while looking back at the energy drained man. “Danger move” Wraith looked around and pinged an enemy and phased away out of danger. Again, Loba teleported away and Mirage was left alone to run away. They hit him good but he managed to get behind cover. Wraith lended him some shield cells and syringes and shot at the other team with her sentinel. The other team was Octane’s team and they were stacked; Octane had gold armour while his teammates had red evo. Octane also had a peacekeeper that he got from a carepackage just next to them. It was a long fight, from gas being thrown on them to the ring closing in on the two teams. They had been fighting for so long they didnt even realize that there were only 3 teams in total left. Wraith’s team, Octane’s team, and lastly Pathfinder. I would say Pathfinder’s team but his teammates died and the banner timers ran out, he was left solo.

“Everyone try to watch your backs, the robot could try to ambush one of us,” Loba turned to face her teammates, occassionally looked up and around for the tall simulacrum. “Spotted him, up there. He has a longbow and what seems to be a flatline on his back. I could snipe him down if that’s what you want,” Wraith calmly called out, pulling out her sentinel and charging it. “Go ahead beautiful,” Loba replied. In an instant, a loud, charged sentinel bullet was shot and killed the robot up on the hill, instantly eliminating him. Now, it was just Octane and Wraith’s teams left to fight. “Nice kill Re- I mean,” He cleared his throat, “Nice kill Wraith..” Wraith smiled and thanked him silently while eyeing down the other team. Seconds went by and both teams rushed eachother. Bullets whizzed by eachothers heads and occasionally hit their shoulders or legs. Octane’s team was low on meds while the other team was low on ammo. Another minute of fighting passes and Wraith’s team is deemed the champion. When they were back in the drop ship everyone congratulated them for winning even though they were in a tight spot. There was an after match party happening in an hour so everyone went back to their rooms to clean up after a long day and get dressed. Renee was first to her room to take a shower while the others stayed in the kitchen or hallways sparking conversations with eachother. While Renee took her cold shower, Elliot decided it was be such a good idea to just waltz into her room to ask her a question not knowing that she was relaxing without voices for once.

“Hey Renee! I was just wondering if you wanted to match for the uh..,” He paused, looking around, “Renee? Where are you??” He looked around the empty yet messy room. Clothes thrown everywhere and notebooks and hairties were strewn about. Her messy bed showing how much she slept that night, which it wasn’t much. He began to worry about her well-being and if she even actually took care of herself. He heard the loud shower running so he went and knocked on the bathroom door. But before he actually knocked, he thought about the things that could happen if he knocked on her bathroom door when she didnt even know that he was in her room. He’d be killed. Before he knew what was coming he accidentally knocked on the door infront of him like a reflex. He heard the girl inside gasp loudly with a few things dropping. He startled her, which was a first for him. He was in shock and did not want to move. “She’s like a T-Rex, if I dont move she cannot see me-“ He was cut off when the door swung open and a semi-dryed off Renee was standing in-front of him. She had her body wrapped with a towel and her still damp hair dripped along the floor and her scarred shoulders.

“How are you in here and what do you want,” She said firmly with an annoyed face. “One, your door was open, two, I wanted to ask if you wanted to match outfits for the after match thing..,” He sighed looking away, “Nevermind, it was a dumb question of course you dont.” He turned and apologized but before he could leave the room Renee stopped him. “Who said I didn’t want to? I wouldn’t mind matching with you,” She stepped over to her closet and sifted through the dresses section, “What color or style were you thinking of?” Elliot was astonished that she actually agreed to do anything with him. “I was thinking accents of purple..? I think it would look nice on both of us,” He sat down on a nearby chair in her room, looking away from her slender body. “Fine with me, now turn around,” She made sure he had his eyes closed and was turned around in order to change. She dropped the towel and peered back just in case. “You want him to see you” “Tell him to turn around” “Let him touch you” The voices were surrounding her but she managed to ignore them. When she finished getting dressed she had Elliot turn around.

“Wow..,” Elliot had no words for the sight in front of him. She wore a long black dress that had a slit on the side with a fluffy, purple boa draped over her shoulders and she was wearing heels making her as tall as him. She played with her hair a bit out of embarrassment while looking away. “You look..amazing,” Elliot was admiring her features that he acted like he’d never seen before, “I just- have no words.” “I dont look that good relax,” Renee walked over to her dresser and put on a necklace that had a purple gem in the middle. “Are you going to just stand there and not go to your room and get dressed?” Renee peered over at him from the mirror. “Right..right yeah, Ill be back to ‘pick you up’,” He opened the door and quietly shut it behind him. She sighed and thought out loud, “What am I going to do about him?” She put her hair in a half bun-half hair down sort of style and finished her look with mascara and a slight tint to her lips. She slipped on short black gloves and grabbed a clutch that had small purple accents on it. “He will like it” “For once you look nice” “People are going to judge you” “Nobody will approach you” “People are going to hate you” The voices started off nice but went downhill and piled hate after hate onto her. She pushed them away and mumbled to herself that tonight will be a good night. Light knocking was heard and she went to open the door, her heels clicking with every step.

“Ready to gooooo-“ He looked her up and down and smiled, “You’re beautiful” He tucked a stray strand from her hair behind her ear, “Let’s be on our way before the limosu- limosio- limo gets here.” He held out a hand and she gladly took it. They held hands for most of the way until Renee let go to check her clutch for something. She pulled it out and checked it before slipping it back in. It was her Apex ID, aka the only way to get into Apex events. You can be one of the legends but they wouldnt let you in without it since people knew how to look almost identical to them. She didn’t regrab his hand after that, she wanted to make sure no one saw. When they got to the front of the building everyone was in their formal attire. Octavio was wearing a green suit top with tailored shorts to go along with it and Natalie wore a white party dress that had orange and blue accents, Anita was in a classic suit talking to Loba who was in a short gold dress, Crypto was in a white suit with green accents, Rampart was in a blouse and office pants, Gibby was in a suit while Ajay wore a long blue dress, Bloodhound wore their goggles along with a suit that had a red cloth in its pocket, and Alexander wore a plain black suit. Revenant doesn’t dress up he said. Pathfinder simply went as himself for the night. After a couple minutes of waiting the limo drove up to the curb of the building. Everyone piled in close together and began conversations with eachother. Elliot and Renee sat really close together due to the limo being quite small for a bunch of legends. Some minutes pass and Renee’s eyes are starting to close. She finally let the sleepiness take over her and her head softly fell onto Elliot’s shoulder. He looked over at her and smiled. Most of the legends eyed them and mouthed for him not to move one bit or she would murder him.

“Elliot..,” Renee mumbled in her sleep, “I..love you..” The small sentence was only heard by the man allowing her to sleep. He tensed up but relaxed as her arm draped over his. The limo pulled up to the event center and a red carpet was dramatically rolled out for the legends. One-by-one everyone was walking down the red carpet either together or solo. Im guessing you can guess which ones walked solo. Elliot nudged Renee and she slowly opened her eyes. She yawned quietly and her eyes met his. They looked at eachother and then she backed away, standing up. She turned away and quickly walked out of the limo and Elliot followed shortly after. Elliot caught up and walked beside her while she covered her eyes from the flashing of the cameras. He enjoyed all the attention on him but Renee never did. He realized what was happening and walked directly infront of her, taking the spotlight. The taller put his hand behind his back and Renee allowed herself to grab and squeeze it lightly. He led her somewhere private and sat her down on a wall away from everyone else.

“You okay? I know you dont like the atten- attentin- eyes on you,” he knelt down, matching his eye level with hers. “I’m fine, you dont have to worry about me so much you know,” She sighed and leaned back slightly, “Let’s just get back to the others before they think were fucking or something.” Elliot offered a hand but she declined, pushing herself up from the wall. She swayed her hips with every step she took towards the doors. Her dress flowed down neatly from her waist down to the carpeted floor. He watched her walk away as the boa she wore bounced with her strides. “W- wait up Renee!” He yelled, fast-walking towards her but she was already through the doors. When he made it through, it was bustling with legends from other ports and random game organizers. There was loud music playing from speakers up above and most of the legends were by the bar including Anita and Loba. Others were either on couches or talking near walls with each other. There were people dancing in the middle of the room where flashing lights and more sparkled along the area. His eye caught the bright purple boa from across the room.

“Hey Ren, glad I finally found you,” He sat next to the now relaxed woman, “Let me guess, appletini?” She gave a side-glance towards him while she sipped the drink he guessed. It was her usual at the Paradise Bar so it wasn’t weird. Minutes went by and the found themselves laughing at eachother from stupid jokes and random stories. A slow-dancing song played on the speakers and everyone got with a partner.

“Wanna go dance with me Ren?” Elliot grabbed her hand, pointing to where everyone was partnered together. “I can’t really dance Elliot, I dont know if I could do it,” Renee responded back to him, covering her face with her boa. “Oh, come on you can’t be that bad at dancing. It’s not that hard, come on I’ll teach you,” He grabbed her hand and pulled her off the seat to take her over to everyone else. He brought her to the dance floor and held her close, guiding her hands to where they were supposed to be. He placed her hands on her lower waist and swayed side-to-side with her. “See? I told you it wasnt that ha-“ He winced as she stepped on his foot, “It’s fine, I forgive you since you’re a beginner.” She apologized anyways and held him closer. As the song came to an end everyone seperated except for them.

“This is nice,” Renee pulled away from his arms, “Want to go somewhere more..quiet?” Elliot’s face contorted to a confused yet happy expression. “I know just the place Ren!” He grabbed her hand and practically sprinted out the doors with her, bringing her to a cliff just off the side of the road. He sat down far away from the edge and patted the spot next to him, signalling for her to walk over and sit next to him. The sun was setting and it was the most beautiful thing that Renee had ever seen. “Oh wow Elliot..I never knew about this spot,” She couldn’t stop gazing at the orange and red hues surrounding the hot ball of gas. “My mom would take me here sometimes, from the sunset, the sunrise, and the stars oh my god the stars. She’d make them so amazing but one day she got so sick and she couldn’t take me anymore. So everytime we get to come here I come out here, to escape the whole legend thing and relax by myself. But now, I see two pretty things infront of me..the sunset and well, you,” He gently grabbed her hand and her reddish face was hard to see in the dark. She turned her head towards him and he smiled softly. “This reminds me of something I saw today, a post with a drawing of us. There’s just one thing missing to complete the scene I believe,” Renee saw him thinking and it looked like a lightbulb just turned on in his head. He leaned in and so did she. They closed their eyes and-

kissed

The scene matched the vibe of the social media post that Renee had randomly come across. It was a strange feeling to Renee, for she had never felt this way towards anyone before. Atleast, not a time that she could remember. Elliot had a goofy smile plastered on his face afterwards. She grinned and leaned on his shoulder as they gazed at the stars that started to peek from the horizon. “Alright yuh lovebirds, get yuh asses inside before we leave without yuh guys,” Ajay leaned against the door, watching them. “Oh, alright. We’ll be right there Ajay,” Renee looked over her shoulder to the other girl and smiled softly. Ajay nodded and closed the door behind her. Elliot was the first to get up and then offered a hand for Renee to grab. She gladly took it and he hoisted her up to her feet. She brushed off any dirt that may have gotten onto her dress. As they went back inside, no one really looked at them apart from quick glances. Anita signalled to them over at the entrance that they were leaving the event. They held hands as they rushed over to the group, not wanting to let go of eachother. Anita counted them and led everyone back to the limosuine so they could pile in the same way they did when they arrived.

(Back at the Apex Dormrooms)(Specifically Elliots Room)

The two were sitting on top of the bed in Elliot’s room, talking. Everyone had just got back to the dorms and they had rushed out so they could get some privacy. “So..what are we now?” Renee turned towards Elliot, who was fidgeting with his hands. He looked up and shifted into a more comfortable position to look at the girl next to him. He looked back infront of him and flopped back onto his bed, staring at the ceiling. “Whatever you want us to be, Ren,” His eyes glanced at her features from the angle he was in.

“I want to be...more than friends-“

“Best friends?”

“No-“

“Best best friends..?”

“Elliot-“

“What?”

“I want to be together, as in I want us to date and do things that couples do,” her head turned towards him. “A-are you sure?? I-I-I mean I dont think Im that bad at being a boyfriend but are you really sure you want to be in a rela- rele- be with me???” He stammered, not knowing what to say. “Yes,” was all she had to say when Elliot pulled her in close to lay down next to him. He kissed her cheeks and her forehead multiple times before stopping to stare at her beauty. She giggled and smiled then held him down into a cuddle position on the bed. “This is what I’ve always wanted, despite me acting like I never did,” She admitted, tracing circles on the others chest. “Did you want to sleep here for the night? Or..we’re you going to go back to your room?” Elliot asked, but got no response from the other. Renee was fast asleep in his arms, snoring softly. Elliot smiled a loving smile and kissed her forehead lightly then fell asleep quick with the warmth she amitted.

E X T R A

Octane walked into Elliot’s room, knowing it was unlocked and because he was his best friend. He had his phone in hand, ready to ask a question about the future match. His eyes darted towards the bed after noticing that the lights were off. There, he saw his best friend with the stone cold girl, who never really showed emotion. He gasped quietly and opened the camera app on his phone. He snapped a picture but before he knew it, the flash went off and lit up the entire area of the man’s bed. Renee groaned and covered herself more with the blanket that was draped over her and Elliot. He quickly stepped out of the room where the couple rested and snickered at the photo he caught. His first thought was to post it, his second? To post it and then print it and frame it. He didnt want to seem like a bitch so he decided to post it with the caption, “Found the lovebirds mating LOL” Within a matter of seconds, the post flooded with likes and shares. Which meant that all if not most of the legends would see it. You bet that Elliot and Renee we’re furious when they both came across it the next day..

THE END

word count: 5,445

Hope you guys enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it :] <3

Quotes will resume Monday,, 2:00pm CT

[violetnotez]

HC: Being Handcuffed to the Boys

I only did Midoriya and Bakugo because Im lazy-sry- but I hope you enjoy! :)

|Part 2 w/ Kirishima+Shouto|

(RULES | MASTERLIST| REQUESTS OPEN!!! :))

Midoriya

Midoriya, as sweet and intelligent as he is, was NOT that smart that day

He was studying hero terminology, laws and rules to help him be a better hero, until a thought popped in his head- what if he needed to know how to use handcuffs? Like in some random situation where he needed to detain someone and the only thing he could was use handcuffs, could he do it?

Of course he could but he over thought it and convinced himself he COULDNT and began to slightly freak out

So of course he called you, but he didnt give you ANY info to go off of why he needed you so badly and it kind confused and worried you

“Y/n- I need you to come over quickly”

“Why, is something wrong or-”

“No, no, nothings wrong! Just- come over soon-please?”

“Im coming, Im coming, dont worry….”

When you finally got to his dorm room, you expected him to have some super important news to tell you- like he was hurt, or there was a huge pop  quiz you two needed to study for ASAP...but you were met with  blushing Midoriy holding hndcuffs

KiNkY

You just stared at him and at the handcuffs with a huge WTH face

You dont have the slighest idea of were he had HANDCUFFS

“Umm care to explain why you have handcuffs?”

He explains it to you, and you wanna laugh at how adorably overreactive your boyfriend is but you dont because you wnt him to know you take his concerns seriously

 So he tells you his plan- he was going to put one side of the handcuffs on you as if your were a villian, and one on him (the smart thing to do, he said, so if they couldnt escape because theyd be attached to him), and then take them off. Easy peasy!

NOT EASY PEASY

He put his side of the hand cuff with ease, but when it came to you it took FOREVER

He was so scared to hurt you (like pinch your skin or something) it took him 3 whole minutes to crank it closed

“Midoriya, why are you taking so long?”

“Well-I dont want to hurt you!” he blushed, sweating alittle as he tried his best to not potentially hurt you

“Your not going to hurt me- besides, I thought I was supposed to be a ‘villian’?”

“But- your not a villian- your my girlfriend! And I cant hurt my girlfriend!” he would protest as you laughed at his cuteness

Once it was finally on, Izuku felt way more relaxed- he did it,he could do it, and he wouldnt have to worry about some wierd freak scenario where he couldnt use handcuffs

So, naturally, you ask is he could unlock you guys since he was content with his work

“Yeah of course!” hed say with a sigh of relief until he’ll realize- he forgot where the key was

He’ll start sweating alot and you’ll get super concern

“Izuku, are you all right?”

“Umm….”he confess timidly, “I may or may not have…. Forgotten where the key is.”

Not gonna lie, youre gonna freak out a little

Your literally HAND CUFFED to your boyfriend

He spends 30 minutes in a rampage looking for it (yanking and dragging you around his room in the process)

“I know its here, I just had it, Ill find it I promise-”

Your wrists was turning red from the constant yanking and you had to finally just tell him to stop and figure out another way out of them

You two sit on his bed and thought for a moment- Midoriya’s first thought was Iida and Ochaco, since their his best freinds

But you didnt know for sure what they would do but ask awkward questions and freak out a little like you both did

You then thought of Mina with her acid quirk, but then thought better of it- she didnt have the best control over it and you didnt feel like having your skin melted off

And she was besties with Kaminari and Sero, the biggest pervs at UA, so if they even caught a glance at you two theyd take it the wrong way and you two wouldnt hear the end of it

You giys pondered on what to do next until Midoriya finally got an idea

“What if we go to Hatsume? She has so many gadgets she must have a way to unlock us”

You groaned- you were okay with Hatsume, her perosnality was a little- loud- which was fine, its just you could totally tell she had the hots for Deku and you didnt really appreciate that side of her...but she was your best bet….

“Fine, lets go”

The walk to the her workshop was tortorius- you two both wrapped yourselves up in your biggest jackets to hide the handcuffs so no one could see (even though it was the middle of the afternoon) and holding each others hand so it looked like you were just holding hands and nothing more

It was nerve wracking- you didnt want any of opur classmates to talk to you, let alone see you until you had those CUFFS OFF

When you finally get there, you were so grateful Hatsume was by herself 

And as perky as ever

Izuku tells about your guys predicament timidly as you both have huge blushes

But Hatsume doesnt seem to care about your embarrasment or how you got into that situation at all- shes just excited to try out a “new baby” 

She interjects Izuku with a loud outburst and begins to whip out a bunch of crazy looking gadgets

You look at Midoriya with a skeptical look but you allow her to get close and try to relese you guys

Surprisingly, after a few minutes you were free, and the sound of cold metal hit the tiles

You both rubbed your wrists happy to be out of those restraints

You start to laugh from relief, thanking Hatsume and turning to Midoriya with a stern grin

“Im  not going to ask today….but one day I will figure out how you got those handcuffs”

*small gulp from Izuku

Bakugo

Some days you wonder if your friends WANT to die

You and Bakugo had had a thing for each other for weeks

It was painfully obvious- you would be a blushing mess with Bakugo, giving him the biggest comebacks whenever he was mean to you all the while so red you looked liked you would explode

Bakugo was such a rude dirtbag to you most of the girls wondered how you restrained yourself from slapping him, calling you mean names and criticizing you for the smallest things

But if anybody hurt you or even said you were cute or pretty

OH NO

He would become so angry and possessive it was terrifying

So, since all of Class 1A was sick of hearing you deny any sort of love towards Bakugo and sick of almost getting their hair fried off by Bakugo if they even mentioned your name, they decided to take matters into their own hands

One day, Mina had called you over, leading you over to Kirishima and Bakugou

Your heart already began to quickly start beating just being near him

Bakugo huffed, hating how just seeing that annoyingly pretty face of  yours put his body into overdrive

“Whyd you bring this extra over?”

You rolled your eyes with your cheeks on fire, pretending like the comment didn't hurt as Mina gasped at his blatant rudeness

“Whatever, Bakugo, your just still bitter that I beat you in training last week-”

“Howd you beat me?! I was distracted for 2 seconds, that was no win-”

“Really?! So eating the dirt because I had KO-ed your cocky ass doesn't mean-”

“It means jack shit baka!”

Unknowing to the both of you as you bickered, Kaminari was sneaking behind you two with a pair of handcuffs while Sero followed him with an evil grin from behind

Before you two even knew it, Kaminari had clasped one side of a pair of hand cuffs to one of your wrists and one to Bakugos, Sero using his tape quirk to keep you two from squirming

You were confused and startled on what was even going on, while Bakugo was extremely pissed off

“What the hell do you think youre doing you idiots!”

“Cool down Spiky, or youll blow a fuse!” Sero laughed at his handiwork as you both squirmed to get out on the restraints

“Im gonna do worse than blow a fuse,” Bakugo spat at the whole grorup, “Im gonna blow up your asses into space once I get out of this!”

“Ohhh no your not!” Kirishima smirked at Bakugo”s clearly agitated face and your distressed expression “You two are going to stay like this until you can act like normal human beings around each other”

“Kirishima this isnt cool!” you whined, “How long am I going to have to be attached to this rabid hedgehog?!” You nodded towards Bakugo, who clearly didn't like your comment

“Rabid hedgehog?!” Bakugo shrieked, “Say that one more time and Ill-”

“And youll blast me into space? Fry me into Hell? Kick my ass into next week? Save your breath Katsuki, Ive heard every threat you can throw at me!” You snapped at Bakugou, your annoyance and stress of being stuck to him for God’s no how long making you jumpy-you cant be stuck to your crush YOU CANT

Bakugo looked like a fish gulping for a water as he was looking for a come back to that, as Kirishima, Sero, and Kaminari looked shocked and amused by a stuttering Bakugo

“You guys are gonna stay together for as long as you need to,” Kirishima said, “we have the key to unlock the cuffs, so when you guys are ready- just come and get one of us!”

The group walked out, Sero and Kaminari betting how long it would take you two to have an agreement as Kirishima pushed them out the door

You stood there with Bakugou awkwardly for a few moments, him unable to look at you-his cheeks were on fire because of one little thing you said earlier

And you didnt even know GOD DAMMIT

You looked at Bakugou, thinking he was just ignoring you like usual- the BrAt

You sighed, “Look- if were going to be chained up like this, might as well get some things off our chests….” you swallowed hoping he couldnt feel your hand shake from being so close to him

He didnt say anything, your voice ringing in his ears and making me him shiver- GOD DAMMIT WHY WAS HE SO DAMN WEAK FOR YOU

He didnt say anything for a while, making you feel hurt and kinda bored

“Fine then, if you dont want to talk, at least walk with me to the kitchen-”

“You called me Katsuki.” He grumbled, still not wanting to look at you

“What?” You looked at him, confused on WHY he wouldnt look at you and why calling him by his first name was such a big deal

 “You called me by my first name-Katsuki.”

“Okkkkaaaay,” you drawled out, completely confused and annoyed, “dont know why that would bother you so much but can we plese just-”

Bakugo huffed in annoyance, his cheecks on fire, “You dont get it do you baka?! No one calls me Katsuki because Id kick their asses if they ever did-but-”

“But what?” you asked kinda gentle, seeing Bakugo struggling to say something to you and curiosity was getting to you

Is He GoNnA ConfeSS ;o

“But-you-said….it...and I-I-was...okay with it….” he struggled out, his face contorting so much to just push that out of him you were kinda worried

You looked at him, completely amused and not really taking him seriously

“That was it? I said your first name and you didnt have the urge to rip my head off like you usually do? I guess we can consider that progress!” you kinda laughed nervously, making Bakugo wish you would laugh again and then cursing at himself for thinking that

He hated how you made his head feel dizzy and it was making him angry

“You dont get it do you baka?!” he shouted aggresively, “I was okay with it because I like you and I fucking hate it!”

You stopped breathing, your eyes wide with shock and your brain seeming to shut down

“You-you-like- me? Like- more than a- friend?” you stuttered, looking at his face which was now obviously red

“See anyone else in the room? Of course its you who else would I fucking say that to!” he retorted, wishing the heat in his face would BACK OFF

OH CRAPPPPPPPPPPPP HE CONFESSED YALL :D

“I like you too….Katsuki,” you smiled, watching his face get even redder

  “Awww you look so cute blushing!”

“Shut up you baka!”

You laughed, making him feel all warm and squishy inside

“Well, I guess Kaminari is going to owe Sero $20- we deifnitely got this figured out in under an hour.”

-----------------------------------

I hope your day (or night) is going well!

REQUESTS + MATCHUPS ARE OPEN!

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Fifty-One

Table of Content or Part Fifty

Wattpad

Word count: 4.6K

Warning(s): explicit language, drug abuse, minor sexual situations, violence

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My stomach aches with laughter as Duff delivers his punchline of his joke, my hands coming up to cover my mouth as I try to chew my fried mozzarella stick and he takes a sip of his beer, laughing as I snort, which only causes me to laugh even harder, until the both of us are laughing possibly the ugliest anyone has ever laughed, and I'm discarding my food into a napkin because I'm laughing too hard to try to chew it.

My eyes are watering, and thin tears roll down my cheeks.

We finally calm down, seeing people glaring at us for being so loud, but we ignore them.

"That was pretty good." I give him credit where credit is due, shifting in my seat a little and taking in a sharp breath as my sore thigh takes notice of the movement.

"Are you okay?" He asks me and I nod.

"It's still sore." I tell him, trying not to take notice of the expression on his face that flashes for a split second.

Nobody could understand why the hell I went right back home when I got out of the hospital like Nikki hadn't put my life in serious danger.

It wasn't like Nikki had intentionally shot at me. He didnt know what the hell I was and just kicked into to survival mode.

I didn't see the big deal in staying with him.

Tommy, Vince and Mick didn't even know what really happened. Doc had told them the same thing he told me to tell the press: I dropped Nikki's gun on accident, while trying to move it, and it went off and caught me.

He didn't want them to know the truth because they were working on the new album, and he didn't want to "create conflict" within the group.

So the only people that knew the truth aside from Fred, Doc and Nikki, was Duff, Slash, Steven, Izzy and Axl.

It wasn't long after that, that Axl informed me he wrote "You're Crazy" about me as a joke, but realized he was pretty right to write it because, in his words, "you staying with the crackhead heroin junkie that already treats you like shit, then fucking shot you, just solidifies my theory that you're actually, medically, out of your mind, and your insanity isn't just 'to be determined' anymore" and I asked him if he "wanted to be the pot or the kettle?"

The irony of him--out of all people--calling anybody else "crazy" was beyond me.

Thirty-two years later and he still dedicates the song to me every time they play it live.

After we're done eating our Sunday lunch, we pay and head to my car, slowly, because I'm limping and Duff's walking slow so he doesn't leave me.

"So, I kinda did something for your late birthday present." He informs me out of nowhere and I raise my brows.

"What do you mean?" I ask, fumbling to get my keys from my purse, shielding my eyes from the harsh sun in my face as we head to the parking lot.

"Mandy and I broke up." He states and I raise my brows.

"...You broke up with your girlfriend as my birthday present?" I'm confused and he chuckles it off.

"No!" He nervously rubs at the back of his neck. "She broke up with me, actually, but that's not what your present is."

"She broke up with you? Are you okay?" I ask.

"It's a girl, Viv. There's plenty more decent girls to choose from when I'm ready to be in a relationship again." He shrugs.

"Did she tell you why she was breaking things off?" I question.

"Just needed space or time or something like that, I don't know. I was kinda drunk when she called to tell me."

"She broke up with you over a phone call?" I raise my voice, my nostrils flaring.

"Viv, chill out." He let's out with a laugh, nudging me with his arm. "You haven't let me explain the good part of this."

"Well then explain." I clear my throat and he rubs his lips together.

"I talked to Nikki last night 'cause he and Tommy came around to hangout with us for a little while." He explains.

"Mhm?"

"I mentioned the fact that you were kinda getting back into dancing and he said he'd been meaning to ask me about it because you'd told him about Mandy letting you use their rehearsal space to dance."

"She didn't even know I was using it, you just sneak me in whenever she's not there. Well, at least, you did. I'm assuming she got the key back from you."

"You're not letting me finish." He points out and I roll my eyes and sigh.

"Okay. I'm listening."

"Nikki and I conspired together, and I'm buying the place from Mandy, and Nikki is going to pay for any renovations and cleaning up it probably definitely needs."

I stop walking, my face falling, unable to say anything.

"So...happy birthday?" He cautiously finishes, not able to gauge how I'm gonna react.

I just start crying.

"I-I'm sorry, if you didn't want that we can--"

"--I'm not crying because I'm upset, I'm crying because I'm happy." I tell him, wiping my running mascara.

"Viv." He smiles a little, and I hug him to me, my arms around him tightly as I squeeze my eyes closed.

"Thank you." I mumble to him and he kisses at my hair for a second.

"Happy birthday."

I knew on Nikki's part it was an attempt to apologize without actually saying "I'm sorry for shooting you" because if he said "I'm sorry" it would mean admitting he was wrong and I was right about his drug use.

And Vivian could never be right about anyone over-doing it with their bad habits.

I shut the front door, slipping my kitten heels off by the door before I calmly step through the house to get to our bedroom so I can change from my church dress.

Nikki's passed out in our bed. I've gotten to where I have to wake him up and get him to bed or just sleep next to him in the closet.

I accidentally rolled over and stabbed myself with one of his used needles a few nights ago so I've been praying he's been using clean needles and isn't going to transfer anything weird to me.

I change clothes and get into our bed, watching him sleep, at least I think he's asleep.

"How was church?" He asks me, keeping his liner smudged eyes shut and I run the tip of my finger over his bare chest.

"It was good." I reply. "It ran late again today." I lie, not wanting him to find out about Duff and I eating lunch again.

"Oh." He yawns, turning over to face me and I get a little closer to him, hooking my leg around his hip and he grins softly, resting his hand on the curve of my back.

"So, Zutaut called again." I tell him and he sighs out.

"Nope." He sits up and I untangle from him, rolling my eyes as I follow him into the bathroom.

"You didn't even let me finish." I argue, crossing my arms and leaning against the doorway as he puts the toilet seat up to pee.

"I don't need to let you finish. This is the second time he's called in the three days and you told me the first time he called he was wondering if I'd be up to produce your friends' album."

"I love how they're strictly just my friends as soon they inconvenience you. Which I don't even consider this an inconvenience."

"Then what is it, Viv?" He flushes the toilet and steps to the shower to turn it on.

"An opportunity to actually listen to our--'our' meaning 'your's, too'--friends' music. And help them get it put down on an album that actually stays true to their sound instead of trying to add all the extra bull crap that everyone else that's wanted to produce them, has done." I state as he gets his clothes off and gets into the shower.

"What's in it for me?" He asks over the sound of the water.

"Um, the satisfaction of helping a hungry band reach their dreams and share their music? Also helping them get money because once the kids see the album is produced by Nikki Sixx they're gonna buy it because they trust your opinion on good rock music?" I suggest hopefully.

"I want blowjobs." He cuts through the sentimental atmosphere I created in my mind surrounding friendship and dedication, and I glare at the shower as my face drops from it's smile into an unamused expression. "Like, on-command blowjobs. Anytime, anywhere."

"You want me to drop to my knees the second you snap your fingers? Ha!" I scoff.

"Then I'm not even gonna consider producing them."

"Oh my goodness gracious, fine!" I give up, letting out a heavy sigh. "For how long?"

"Um, until I come?"

"No, I mean over what duration of time do I have to sacrifice the wellbeing of my jaw for your disgusting and degrading satisfaction?"

"Until you get arthritic to the point of not being able to get down that low without throwing a joint out of place." He says and I raise a brow, yanking the shower open.

"I am not gonna be in my fifties getting on my knees every time you want some head." I state and he laughs.

"If I have to give you on-command BJs, you have to go down on me on-command."

"You don't even have to tell me to eat you out, I'll gladly do it without the say-so." He says as he shapes his lathered hair straight up with his hands and I have to keep myself from laughing at his childishness. "And can you close that, It's kinda nippley out there." He motions outside of the shower and I shake my head a little before pinning my hair off of my shoulders with a hair clip on our counter and start pulling my clothes off.

I get in with him and he smirks.

"Am I in trouble?" He asks and I raise my brows before reaching my hands up to squish down on his hair that he's got perfectly sculpted upward with shampoo. "No, Viv!" He tries to protect it, laughing loudly.

Tom Zutaut had pressed at me to convince Nikki to at least consider producing "Appetite for Destruction."

Everyone that was interested in Guns N' Roses wanted to alter their music or add unnecessary elements to their signature raw sound. He knew Nikki advocated for people not compromising on what they want, especially with their music, and knew he would never try to produce the album the way he wanted it, but the way the band wanted it.

The only problem there was in the plan...

I roll my eyes as Nikki takes a bump of coke to try to pull himself out of his heroin induced stupor as I fall back in the seat across from him in the limousine, wiping my smudged lipstick from around my mouth, panting, hot and bothered because he started something and couldn't get his prick up to finish it.

Oh, the joys of body function inhibiting drugs.

"Okay, c'mon." He says as he takes a deep breath.

I get back on him to straddle his lap, my hands pulling my dress up my hips and pushing my panties aside while he rubs at himself.

It doesn't seem like he's getting any harder, and the mood is ruined.

"Babe, it's okay." I sigh out, calmly, although I'm frustrated.

"Fuck." He curses, just as irritated, his boot harshly kicking the edge of the seats across from us, his fingers grasping at his hair.

I fix my panties back and move off of him, smoothing my dress back down as he tucks himself back into his pants and laces them back up.

"I'm sorry, Viv." He turns his head to the side to look at me while he's leaning his head back.

"It's fine." I assure him. "Not like I need to be putting that much pressure on my thigh anyway." I add and the atmosphere in the car immediately tenses up.

He doesn't reply, putting his shades on to prepare for the flashing cameras bound to find us.

He despises the press.

I don't blame him.

Once we get stopped, Nikki's opening the door, tightly grasping at my hand.

"Nikki! Nikki!" They all seem to be shouting, followed by questions such as, "you guys working on the album?", "what are some songs we can expect on the new album?", "when are you releasing a new record?", "is it true you went to rehab for heroin?", "are you still on drugs?"

"Vivian, there's pregnancy rumors, do you know who, in the band, is the father?" Someone shouts and I ignore them, keeping my head down and my eyes closed, letting Nikki cut through the reporters and get us into the venue to meet Tom and let Nikki experience his first official Guns N' Roses show.

...Nikki hated it.

He was ready to leave only two songs in and showed absolutely no interest in spending his time producing them.

He wouldn't even really pin point what exactly he didn't like about their music or their playing, he just didn't like it.

He admits now that he was so fucked up that night, in particular, that he wouldn't have known what was good music if it hit him in the face.

I figured that might have been the case since he was the first one to put in for Guns N' Roses to join Mötley Crüe on the "Girls, Girls, Girls" tour and advocate for their music.

His mood swings gave me whiplash.

"What do you think so far?" Tom asks Nikki as Nikki takes a sip of his drink.

"I don't see the fuss." He states, and Tom and I exchange looks, confused.

"W-What?" I ask, furrowing my brows. "Are you kidding me?"

"Did I stutter?"

"W--C'mon, Nikki, you haven't even heard some of their other stuff. These kids have the potential to be extraordinary, they're almost there. You can't just write them off like this."

"I'm not writing anybody off. They're my friends and I dig their enthusiasm but I can barely find the time to work on our own album, let alone produce someone else's and they're not striking me enough to make me want to sacrifice more of my time to produce them."

"Baby, if you would just give them a chan--"

"--Viv, I said 'no'." He sternly scolds me and tears swell up in my eyes because I could have sworn Nikki would have really liked their music.

"I'll be right back." I tell them, stepping to the bathroom to dry my tears.

At the time I thought Nikki was just being an asshole.

He didn't tell me he didn't want to produce them because he wouldn't have done the kind of job they deserved for their talent on their debut album.

He wanted to do right by them, and that meant staying as far away from their music as possible.

He didn't tell anyone that because that would have been him admitting he had a problem.

"Lose the nasty attitude, Vivian." Nikki orders as I stomp into our house while he shuts the front door behind him, locking it.

"Why? You gonna toss me aside, too?" I hiss, taking my jacket off and throwing my purse onto the coffee table, crossing my arms.

"Will you just drop it? It's not like there aren't thousands of producers that would love to help them out." He takes his jacket off, tossing it to the couch.

"What is wrong with their music? Is it their sound, their personality, their--"

"--Vivian, I said 'drop it'!" He barks.

"I have every right to be angry, Nikki! You clearly might not give a fuck about them but they are my friends--who I know good and damn well have immense talent and there's even some of it that's yet to be untapped--and I just wanted you to give them an actual shot at achieving the thing all of them have worked their asses off for and dreamed about since they were kids!" I throw my hands up.

"I'm done talking about this." He states, stepping to our bedroom.

"I'm not!" I take my heel off and throw it as hard as I can at his head.

It hits the back of his hair and he stops in his tracks.

"Tom said it himself, and you heard him: Guns N' Roses will be the biggest rock n roll band in the world if they just get someone behind them that can guide them to where they need to be!" I ball my fists up at my sides, digging my nails into my palms.

Nikki just slowly turns to face me, his eyes wild, his breathing labored, and a out of line theory sprouts in my mind, but the way he's been acting lately it won't surprise me if it's true.

"Is that why you won't help them?" I ask him, cutting my eyes. "Because they're possibly going to dethrone Mötley Crüe?"

The fact that I'm insinuating he gives a fuck about bullshit "competition", especially in regards to his friends, just infuriates him more. I see it in his eyes.

He just turns back around and goes to our bedroom, slamming the door shut.

I roll my jaw, my eyes drifting to the beautiful display of his gold and platinum records on the wall beside the hallway that leads to guest bedrooms.

My skin of my knuckles is splitting open when my fist collides with the glass of the "Shout at the Devil" Gold award.

Platinum's next.

Just before I'm going for "Too Fast for Love", Nikki's screaming from our bedroom doorway, Jack Daniel's in hand.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" He shouts and I just shoot him a glare before taking the "Too Fast for Love" plaque off the wall. "Put the fucking plaque down Vivian." Nikki orders, stepping closer to me.

"Produce their album." I demand, acting as if I'm going to drop it.

"Put. It. Down. Vivian."

"Or what? You'll shoot me again?" I taunt him and he grinds his teeth. "Produce their album." I repeat.

"Go to hell, crazy bitch." He snaps.

"You go first!" I holler back, hurling the award at the wall and it crashes into another plaque and they both shatter to pieces.

I turn around just in time to see Nikki pouring Jack all over my Bible that he'd plucked from the coffee table, just before pulling his lighter out.

"Stop!" I shriek, rushing to him.

I'm too late, though, and he's lighting it up and throwing it into the empty fire place just as I make it to him.

A God-awful feeling of dread fills me as Sikki looks very proud of himself.

I can't even look at him right now.

Walking to the kitchen to wash my bleeding hand off and get it wrapped up, I start to think a mile a minute.

My heart clenches in my chest as tears line my lashes.

How predictable of Nikki Sixx to burn a fucking Bible just to piss off a christian who's had said Bible since childhood...but it somehow shocks me that he'd do it to me, I guess.

I glance down at my wedding ring.

I've noticed it feels more and more like a weight with every argument he and I have.

Our entire relationship was just an open body of water that, that freaking ring was dragging me deeper and deeper in to.

The pressure was starting to get painful and I needed air.

My finger tips tug at my wedding ring and I leave it on the kitchen counter before I'm walking to our bedroom-- while he's still in the living room-- locking the door and heading to the closet, quickly gathering every lick of heroin, coke, and pills before going to our bathroom and flushing all of it, all the while Nikki's banging his fist against our bedroom door.

I hear a loud crash, and realize he kicked the door in.

"Vivian!" He screams as I'm giving the final flush to the last bindle, opening the bathroom door.

He's pushing me aside rather roughly and stomping to the toilet as the sound of the tank refilling with water let's him know what I've been doing.

"What did you do?!" He seethes at me, finger in my face, eyes shot, five o'clock shadow framing his gritted teeth.

And I just turn around with the intention of getting my shoes back on and leaving.

His hand is catching in my hair and yanking me back to him.

"Nikki, fuck off!"

"Don't fucking walk away from me!" He yells.

"I should have walked away from you six years ago!" I exclaim, tears of anger rolling down my cheeks.

This gets his attention because he's letting me go, an obvious expression of hurt on his face.

"I should have never slept with you. I should have never dated you. I should have never told you I'd marry you and I never should have taken vows to love and honor and protect someone who can't even get off of drugs long enough to love and honor and protect me." I sniffle and he blinks at me slowly as if holding back on his emotions.

"Then walk the fuck away." He hisses at me, rolling his jaw.

I left.

Nikki called Vanity.

And I went to find Duff.

I shut my car door before making my way into the Seventh Veil, running a hand through my hair as music blares through the speakers.

I glance around, hoping they're here because I've been up and down the strip and they've been nowhere to be found.

My prayers are answered when I look to see the massive fluff of blonde hair and I walk over to the table where Duff, Izzy, Steven, and Slash are, yanking a chair from a neighboring table and sitting with them.

They give me weird looks, Steven glancing around to check for Nikki or any of the other guys, before exchanging looks with Duff and Slash while Izzy seems unphased, his eyes on the same thing mine are on: the dancer on stage.

"Um...Viv?" Steven asks me cautiously and I side eye him.

"Yeah." I mumble.

"Uh, a-are you here alone?" He asks.

"Yep."

"Do you like strippers or something?" Slash asks me next.

"Nope."

"Did Nikki piss you off?" Duff's next.

"Yep."

"Is your hand alright?" Steven motion's to my hand that's got a scabbed over, bloody cut over the top of it.

"Shh, guys, she has to keep a clear mind so she can properly construct her plan to ask the dancers if they've accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior." Izzy sarcastically puts in and I cut my eyes at him as he takes another drag of his cigarette.

"Talk all your shit, Stradlin. Just gives me more motivation to curate ideas to make your life harder."

"Your existence in itself makes my life harder." He scoffs.

"Good that means I'm fulfilling one of the purposes God gave me for my life."

"Is your other purpose getting your husband so heated he throws you out of the house?"

"Oh, I'm sorry." I pretend to feel sorry, poking my lip out a little. "I forget I can't be upset with Nikki around you because you get bothered at the thought of anyone being upset with your gothic, heroin hounding, drug buddy because you're kindred spirits that have bonded over being tortured artists."

"Oh, go read your Bible." He tells me.

"Can't. Nikki set it on fire." I shoot back and Duff chokes on his drink.

"He what?" Duff asks me, like he's trying to contain a little anger over it.

"So we can expect the Sixxes to get a divorce?" Izzy asks me, clearly joking, and I shake my head.

"No, he's just being a junked-out prick." I mumble, crossing my arms.

"Do you wanna get your anger out by aggressively throwing our money?" Steven asks and I blink.

"I'll go politely put the money on the edge of the stage." I say and Duff finishes his drink, setting the glass face down.

"Alright, let's get outta here." He tells me with a sigh, standing up. "We'll see you guys later."

"Alright, man." Izzy nods. "Viv." He adds.

"Izzy." I reply.

"Bye, Viv." Steven and Slash both say and I smile a little.

"Bye, guys."

I follow Duff out of the club, and he nearly trips coming out, causing me to grab at his hand and arm to try to help him keep balanced, and a few flashes go off, signaling paparazzi and I audibly groan as they move in.

My hand shields my eyes as my other hand holds tightly to Duff's arm as asinine questions are thrown at me but I ignore them.

The bastards got a good enough shot at just the right second--with me holding onto Duff with both of my hands, the two of us sharing wide smiles because we were laughing over him nearly tripping to the ground--that it definitely came across as "a picture's worth a thousand words" but the only words told by that picture was that we were a little more than friends...and that's what the headline spun it up as by the time it landed in Nikki's hands.

The argument it led to sparked the birth of "You're All I Need", delivered by the vocals of Vince, from the demented mind of Sikki Nixx himself.

"Where'd you park?" Duff asks me in my ear over the sound of photography and strangers talking at us, and I tug him into direction of my car that's parked down the street against the curb.

"Welp that's something I'm gonna get to explain to Nikki." I state as soon as we get into my car.

"He knows nothing's happening." He replies, laughing it off.

"Yeah, right." I say under my breath, as I start heading down the road. "Where to?" I ask, stopping at a stop light.

"Oh, I don't know I was just trying to keep you from swinging on Izzy." He admits with a chuckle and I shake my head a little.

"I'd never hit Izzy. Axl, definitely, Izzy, no. He's my favorite."

"Izzy's your favorite? How'd that happen? You two are, like, polar opposites." He asks me with an amused smile.

"He agrees that Sid probably killed Nancy." I inform him and he throws his head back and let's out a frustrated, but humorous, groan.

After finally deciding to just get milk-shakes, we sit in a corner booth of Denny's and once we get out orders, Duff's clearing his throat.

"So, I saw you guys at the show earlier."

He tells me and I raise my brows, sipping at my strawberry milkshake. "You didn't tell us you were coming, we could've told them to take you guys backstage."

"We weren't able to stay very long afterwards...Nikki just wanted to see you guys play together live." I explain.

"Oh." He nods, before asking the dreaded question: "what did he think?"

"He digs you guys." I lie, giving a little smile.

The guys never knew Nikki was approached to produce the album, each of them found out later.

I think they're secretly glad he never touched "Appetite for Destruction."

That album would have been an absolute train wreck under his junkie guidance, just like everything else that Nikki seemed to be apart of in 1987.

[stoneqoldcrazy]

One year with Queen

This is just gonna be a big appreciation post about Queen and the people I’ve met this past year sdlkjkdsjlf I’m gonna leave it all under the cut

I’m not too sure how to start this off because this has been one of the most worst years for me honestly but I’ll try my best ldkskjdls

I should explain something first before I get into this. I have been battling this kinda strange phobia called emetophobia (fear of vomiting) all my life and it recently (like 2016) hit me real hard and it has been real difficult for me to eat. I know that sounds strange but I have been battling with this difficulty since 2016. Another strange thing that I have been battling since 2016 is this weird “gaggy” feeling. This feeling causes me great anxiety and it still disrupts my life. 

Now on with this year sdjlkdskj so I had a bad feeling that this year was gonna be terrible and I was right. This year started off with me getting sick which, of course, is fucking TERRIFYING for me. What made this so much worse, though, was that the spring semester of college was starting up for me. These were both my first ever on-campus classes and I missed the first day for both of my classes. I only had two college classes because I was still in high school at the time sdklsdk I hope this isn’t confusing :( anyways I absolutely HATE missing school and not only did I miss school but I also missed some days at work. There were times where I went to work for a few minutes and I had to sit in the office and calm down but I was sent home. This hit me hard because I also hate missing work and my anxiety has never been this bad. I still look back at how disappointed I was in myself. This happened near late January to early February and my parents took me to the psychiatrist because holy Fuck my anxiety was bad. My psychiatrist pretty much said that I needed to get checked if this “gaggy” feeling was something physical. So throughout February, I had to go to the hospital multiple times and I am still surprised by how I got through it all. I had to get my esophagus fucking stretched like KLDSKLSDKL but that didn’t help at all. It was anxiety. Throughout like February through April I was still having trouble getting back up on my feet from me getting sick (yeah I was That disturbed) and from the hospital visits. During these months, I felt that strong gaggy feeling WHILE at work and I still experience it sometimes but back then I had to actually sit in the office at times and have people do the buffet (I work at KFC and I also suffer from intrusive thoughts so I was afraid I would think of something gross while being surrounded by the strong smelling foods). Now you might be wondering how this all relates to Queen. Well, whenever I had to be sent home from work, I felt terrible and I wanted to cry dsklfj but Queen was there to help me pretty much. One thing that I vividly remember was when I was coming back from one of my hospital visits. I was so terrified that it was gonna go wrong because it was a barium swallowing test thing but I made it. While we were leaving the hospital, I put on my Queen. I remember Delilah playing and I couldn’t help but smile because it was like Freddie was sharing his happiness with me. This is why I love the song Delilah btw sjdlkjkdls. There were SO many moments like these. One song that pulled me through all of this was Somebody to Love. I would just lay there and close my eyes listening to it and I swear it has fucking healing powers sddskldskl. As time went on, I eventually met up with my psychiatrist and I found myself a therapist and I felt so happy. As I was driving home, I noticed Teo Torriatte playing and its lyrics just made me go crazy go stupid in a good way like??? It made me smile so much it felt like Freddie was there with me :(. This was during like May I think?? May was the month I finally graduated high school. It wasn't anything special but I did decorate my graduation cap something Queen related and I even kinda rose my fist in the air when I got my diploma like?? My Younger self would not do something like that sdlk. Oh, also for my award ceremony, I fucking wore a Freddie shirt and tight checkered pants, which was something my younger self would DEFINITELY never do. It seems like Freddie gave me that confidence. Another thing that Freddie gave me was the realization that I can play piano?? I got my keyboard in like may and my first ever song I learned was Bohemian Rhapsody and I still love playing it along with Freddie. I never thought I could play piano but here I am playing fucking Bohemian Rhapsody sjdkl. 

I’ll continue on in the summer time (if ur still reading this and ur brain isnt fucking goo by now i love u DSKJLKLDS). This past summer we decided to go to Washington D.C. because I love history. Well, my anxiety gets bad whenever we go on long car rides because Oh No What If I Get An Anxiety Attack And We’re Already 3 Hours Into The Drive? What pulled me through the 8 hour car ride was Queen of course. For example, during like the first hour of the car ride I was looking up at the stars thinking “oh it’d be cool if ‘39 played” aND ‘39 STARTED PLAYING and then Keep Yourself Alive started playing?? Anyways this was our second time in D.C. and this time it honestly sucked. I didnt really get to do the things I wanted and my intrusive thoughts were getting pretty bad. My intrusive thoughts got even worse in the car ride back home. I, of course, had my Queen playing and Breakthru started playing. That pretty much saved me honestly. Like?? If I could only reach you If I could make you smile If I could only reach you That would really be a breakthrough. That hit HARD dklkd. Fast forward to fall time. I’m now in my first real semester of college. This was also the first time being in therapy. This semester was stressful because of my speech class, but I pulled through of course with a 96. I passed all my classes with As. One thing I remember was me driving to college and I had Queen playing in my car like normal. It was different this time, though, because I was going to my first speech. I was nervous but when I was about to pull into my college, my radio switched to CD mode and started playing my old Queen CD that I made back in January. This confused the hell out of me because like?? Radios arent supposed to do tHAT but We Are The Champions started playing??? That sounds fake but I swear I’m still not over it dskl. Time forward to October. That month sucked ass honestly. My intrusive thoughts were getting SUPER bad and I felt extremely lonely. What pulled me through, though, was Freddie’s solo album. I’m pretty sure it got released on spotify during this time and that was fucking PERFECT timing. 

So, Queen has pretty much made this year bearable somehow. Queen has been there for me through it ALL. I will forever appreciate Queen and all that they have done honestly. I also REALLY appreciate Freddie dsjkl I never really looked up to anyone but now I have someone to look up to when I’m having trouble. Freddie is a very relatable person as well. I never could relate to anyone as a gay person and I’m glad I found Freddie. I live in a small religious town in the south so most of the people here are homophobic dsjkldkl and my mom is real religious so yeah it’s fun dslj. When I found out about Freddie’s religious parents and how they took his Gaeyness i was like. oh fUcjk anyways Queen and Freddie are like best fucking friends to me to be honest and I hope to form more memories with them as the years go by. 

Speaking of friends and memories,, this is the best fandom I have EVER been in and I mean that. I have met so many lovely people and I am STILL surprised by all the love that my edits get??? It’s so surprising and I now have about 530 followers?? I’m so fucking mind blown sdkjl but I’m gonna tag some people who are just indescribably amazing and who have helped me through my Tough Times: @moustachefreddie @seven-seeds-of-rhye @freddie-mercurys @asupersonicwoman @queenofindecision @i-live-for-queen @39-brian @a-hysterical-queen-bih @bambirex @his-majesty-king-mercury @leatherjacketmazzello @ogrebattles @mrbadguymercury @darlingfreddie

[numberfivefinn]

who: @numberfivefinn​ & @krt-hmml

what: kurt pays finn an unexpected overnight visit after the big fight with rachel.

where: finn’s bachelor apartment

when: wednesday august 23rd (i think)

triggers: none 

KURT had left the apartment so quickly he hadn't even packed a change of clothes or his moisturizer, let alone a proper overnight bag. He didn't even take his keys. All he had on him was his wallet and his cell phone. While he had no specific plans on where he would go when he left, there was really only one option. Finn was the only one in their friend group who didn't live with either Jesse or Rachel, and he was Kurt's family so he had to take Kurt in. The smaller boy knocked on Finn's door and, as Finn answered, he realized he couldn't really explain why he was there. "Hey, what's up? Are you free tonight?"

FINN had just settled in his couch after a long day at work, a Dr. Pepper in one hand and the Apple TV remote in the other, scrolling through streaming services to find something to watch. He eventually landed on something he'd watched before, only because he was feeling his eyelids getting heavy and he didn't want to miss anything in case he fell asleep. With one foot rested on the table (a habit he gained after having to constantly elevate his injured knee), he leaned back in his seat, ready to chill for the rest of the night. Just when he put the remote down, he heard a knock, much to his surprise as he wasn't expecting anyone. He got up, opening the door that revealed Kurt behind it. "Hey brother. I am now," he half-joked, but he knew with himself that he definitely did not have plans. "I was just relaxing. Long day at work. Why this surprise visit?"

"Good!" KURT exclaimed before inviting himself into Finn's place. His back to his brother, he allowed his smile to falter for a brief second as Finn asked why he was here. As he turned to look at him, his expression was back in place. "Because we're going to officially be brothers soon! With the wedding coming up, I thought it would be good to spend some quality time together"

FINN closed the door behind his new company, settling himself back into the couch and patting the spot next to him for Kurt to sit. "That's cool of you to think about that, Kurt. I appreciate that," he said sincerely, the corner of his mouth tweaking up into his signature smile. "Things still busy at Vogue.com?"

KURT kind of felt bad that Finn was so happy about quality time, as it wasn't his primary motivation for the visit. But it was certainly a happy unintended consequence - a silver lining to the shit St. Berry had caused. He closed the door and sat down next to Finn. "Incredibly busy. I'm going to miss it when I resign, but I'm sure my fashion career will keep me incredibly busy."

You're always so good at what you do, so I'm sure you'll be awesome taking the next step as well," FINN nodded, lowering the TV volume down so it wasn't interfering with their conversation. "Can I get you anything to drink? Or snack on?"

"Thanks, that's very kind of you." KURT couldn't help the slight blush and smile that reached his face. He glanced at the TV, not really interested in whatever Finn was watching but perfectly content to have it on in the background. "Just water, please."

“Alright, water coming up,” FINN confirmed, getting up from his seat to get some water from the fridge. He came back with a glass of water and a bowl of cashews as he was feeling snackish himself. “So, did you wanna do something or talk about something?”26 August 2020

KURT watched Finn go into the kitchen, letting the expression fall off his face for a moment. But when Finn turned around and headed back to the couch, Kurt's mask was back on his face. He took the water, drinking a little bit of it as Finn asked him. "What were you watching?" Kurt asked, glancing back at the TV.

“Oh, this?” FINN asked, pointing at the TV. “Westworld. It’s pretty sick. I’ve seen it all before though so it doesn’t matter that I’m not paying much attention.” He shrugged, stuffing a few cashews in his mouth. “Have you seen it?”

KURT shook his head, he had not seen it. "It's the one about the virtual reality park, right? I've heard good things about it." Kurt's phone went off and, despite all the drama, he looked at it without a second thought. Surely, Jesse and Rachel weren't dumb enough to text him so soon after what had just happened. Except they were, or at least Jesse was. Kurt sighed at his phone and frowned

“Yeah, basically. They make robots who are as human as humans can be, so the people who go to that park don’t even notice the difference. And people go batshit crazy, killing and screwing people left and right,” FINN described with a soft laugh. He trailed off seeing Kurt’s phone go off and the reaction his brother had to whatever he saw on it, starting to grow worried for him. “What’s wrong, Kurt?”

"Hm? Oh, nothing. Just-" KURT was going to say fashion world drama, but he didn't want to lie. So he decided to downplay what really happened instead. "Rachel and I got into a dumb fight this afternoon. Nothing to worry about." He smiled back at his brother. "So, anyways, this sounds like a show Sam would like. Maybe him and I will start watching it soon"

FINN blinked in confusion and shock. Him fighting with Rachel too? What was going on? And why couldn’t he understand it? “What do you mean a fight? What’s going on?”

KURT hesitated. He couldn't tell Finn, because it wasn't his place to do so. Eventually he shook his jead. "I can't say much, it's Rachel's business. But she's been kind of awful to me lately and I called her out on it and it spiraled from there."

FINN knew Rachel had her mean moments, but they usually stemmed from her being dramatic or feeling strongly about something. “I’m sorry, bro. That doesn’t sound like fun. I know she’s your best friend.”

"We've had fights before and I know we'll be okay in a few weeks. But this isn't like other fights and I'm.....not sure..." KURT sighed again, not willing to say that he felt like they couldn't recover from this one, or that he felt like he was losing his best friend. His facade was long gone, and now he just looked sad and defeated. "I think even after everything calms down, it's going to be different between us."

FINN inched closer to his brother-to-be, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder for emotional support. “It’s really that bad?” He couldn’t even imagine what it could be, and without insight from either side, it was difficult to provide advice. “It probably feels like that now, but like you said, it’ll be okay again in a few weeks. You just both gotta take some time to cool down and talk again, and you’re gonna find out it was all a misunderstanding or something.”

KURT didnt stop Finn from putting a hand on his shoulder, but he also knew he had to be careful so Finn couldn't see his texts with Jesse. "It's not a misunderstanding." Kurt said, his voice so low it was nearly a whisper. "Things can still be okay if they're different, though. That's more the thought process I was going with here"

“I hope so. For your sake,” FINN comforted, squeezing Kurt’s shoulder lightly. “Are you talking to Rachel right now?”

"No, Jesse." KURT admitted. "Rachel and I fought in my living room, and Jesse was home so he heard all of it." That was technically true

"Oh," FINN uttered, pursing his lips into a pout. "How do you feel though? About being in this fight with Rachel?"

"Awful." KURT blurted out, then got another text from Jesse. He was in tears before he finished reading it. "God, sorry. I....hate crying. This is all so stupidly dramatic"

FINN got a little uncomfortable as Kurt started shedding tears, always unable to react naturally when someone in front of him cried. "Hey," he began as he wrapped his arm tightly around his younger brother. "It's all gonna work out. This is just temporary. I know it." Was he just repeating himself at this point? He wasn't sure what to say or do to make things better, but watching Kurt this upset was quite frankly upsetting him too. "Hey. The bakery across the street is still open for another hour. You want be to grab you some cheesecake?"

As Finn held him, KURT leaned into his brother and started crying harder. He didn't react to what Finn said....he knew Finn was trying to help while not understanding what was happening and he appreciated that. The Finn continued and Kurt's tears stopped briefly. "....Cheesecake?" He asked in a tone that confirmed he did in fact want some.

FINN let Kurt cry it out a little, knowing there wasn't much he could really do. Bottling up emotions were definitely not good either, something he had far too much experience with - hence the many chairs broken in his hands. His eyes perked up a little when Kurt got quiet, taking that as a green light on the cheesecake. "I'll be right back, then." He rubbed Kurt's arm gently before swooping out of his hold, grabbing his keys and wallet before heading out. "Help yourself to more water or whatever's in the fridge if you feel like it. I think I have some diet soda if you want that as well. And go wild on the Apple TV - I have pretty much anything."

KURT nodded at Finn's instructions. "Thanks." He responded, still crying but not as heavily. Once Finn left, he found Friday Night Lights on Netflix. It was a total soap opera, but he hoped Finn would appreciate the football aspect of it.

After facing a difficult decision of how many slices to bring, FINN finally came back from the bakery with a bag in his hand. "I wasn't sure how much you wanted, so I got four slices. Two original and two strawberry. I'll eat whatever you won't or give it away to my neighbor tomorrow," he stated, laying out the boxed slices on the coffee table in front of the couch. He proceeded to go to the kitchen for some spoons and forks, not really sure what one ate cheesecake with. "Enjoy." He took a seat himself, looking up at the TV. "What did you end up watching?"

When Finn got back, KURT was cuddled under a blanket. It was clear he had been crying, due to more texts with Jesse. He paused the episode, which he was only a few minutes into, as Finn set the cheesecakes down. He picked up a strawberry slice and took the fork from Finn. "Thank you" He wasn't as upset now, but he was still sad. "Friday Night Lights. I thought you would appreciate the football element of the show. It's like the OC meets sports"

"Oh cool. What's the OC?" FINN wasn't very caught up in the TV world, but he tried to be as cultured as he could, especially because he had met his fair share of actors during his career who his PR team had wildly encouraged him to photograph with, despite his lack of knowledge of who they actually were.

KURT "Youve never heard of the OC? It's a drama that takes place in Orange County, California. It focuses on four rich teenagers, its a total prime time soap opera!"

"Oh, is that the show with Rachel Bilson? She's hot," FINN realized, and it totally wasn't because she was a short brunette with the initials RB. "I never watched it."

"Yes, she's in that. With Adam Brody, and Mischa Barton and....oh my god, I'm blanking on his name - that guy who starred in Gotham." KURT left Netflix and went into Hulu, pulling up the OC. "You have to watch an episode of it with me"

"Yeah, that guy," FINN said pointing his finger, kind of connecting the dots because he had actually seen Gotham. "Whoa, this is like, old. At least older than I thought it was."

KURT "Yeah! I remember being in elementary school when it was on. Dad was usually too tired to monitor my TV viewing habits back then."

“Did he ever have the energy to monitor your TV habits?” FINN joked, letting out a quick laugh. “I remember that Mischa girl being really popular among the guys in middle school, though. I was busy playing football and playing video games so I didn’t watch a lot of TV.”27 August 2020

"Not really, no." The OC had started airing just a couple months before KURT's mom had died, though, so Burt's energy levels were even lower than usual at the time. But Kurt decided to keep that detail to himself, because he was already sad enough tonight without mentioning the immediate time after his mom's death. "I was a bit preoccupied, myself. I know she was partying with Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie a lot, though."28 August 2020

“Whoa, really? Didn’t know she was that type,” FINN claimed. Not that he really paid attention to what celebrities were doing when he was 13. He took a sip of his soda, leaning back in his seat as he continued watching. “Did you like the cake?”

"I dont think she's that type anymore. There were a lot of mental health issues with her around that time." KURT explained, then looked up at Finn as he mentioned the cheesecake. "Yes, thank you" he smiled a little. "Uhm, would it be okay if I stayed here tonight? I realize Rachel's leaving for her show soon but I dont want to run into her before work tomorrow."

"Huh," FINN uttered, not too actively engaged with the topic. "I have to admit that I don't always know the best way to comfort someone, but you always order cheesecake when we go out for dinner," he admitted. He wasn't always the best observer nor was he good at paying attention to details; a flaw he wasn't quite proud of. It was definitely something he had to work on during his relationship with Rachel, so he always hoped he didn't mess up with the things he at least thought he knew. "Of course. The guest room is open for you. I just gotta clean out some stuff from there first."

"Oh, no. You've been great. With the cheesecake and a place to sleep and letting me gush about the OC. I really appreciate it, Finn" KURT turned the episode off, because he knew Finn wasn't really watching it. "You don't have to clean anything out, just as long as i can get to the bed"

“You sure? It’s kinda messy in there because it’s been unused for a while,” FINN stated, but shrugged since he didn’t seem to mind. “I’m gonna hit the hay. See you in the morning?” He grabbed the cheesecake that was left, putting it in the fridge and doing a quick, lazy clean-up of whatever was left out in the living room. “Oh, clean sheets should be in the closet in the guest room. I’m sure you’ll find it.”1 September 2020

"See you in the morning." KURT repeated in response, watching Finn put the cheesecake away. He nodded at the explanation on where to find the sheets. "Thank you, Finn" He added before disappearing into the spare room

FINN turned off all the lights before heading to his own room for the night. Something about having someone in the apartment made him feel less alone, and for the first time in a while, he went to bed feeling a little bit less lonely.

[freebooter4ever]

my dad group texted my brother and i, highly unusual, and i think jordan was weirded out too cause his response was equally short and confused. on the list of things my little brother and i have never discussed, our dad’s relative interest or lack there of in our lives is pretty high. dad’s been messaging me since october, asking about stuff like where my next living plans are (which he has never done since i first moved out age eighteen), and i’ve only been vaguely responding to the point blank questions cause its just. so. weird. i think my grandpa’s death has shaken dad’s worldview a bit more than he’s been letting on.

he alienated my brother and i pretty much immediately after his secretive marriage to the bottle blonde rich bitch when i was 22. he kicked my brother out as soon as jordan turned 18, and when i discovered this by coming home one summer and seeing jordan wasnt in the house, i got so fucking mad that it was the first time i ever had a full out screaming match at my dad. and apparently this display of anger was when rich bitch decided she didn’t like me (probably valid, but also ironic because pretty much from birth it was known in my entire extended family that dad and i were almost identical personality wise, and both of us have tempers where we will not get mad at anything but frustration will build up and up until on the rare blue moon it boils over, and oh boy. watch out. those moments were the only times i was ever scared of my dad as a kid and i think it only happened twice in my entire life)(if she thinks im crazy when im angry, she should see my dad)

but i was crazy mad because while i was lucky enough to be put in therapy due to attempting to starve myself into non existence at age 13 (many many sessions of ‘family’ therapy with me in the center of a long couch silently trying to pretend i was invisible and my mom two feet away at one end and dad on the opposite end of the couch, and my mom doing all the talking, ranting and raving about how im starving myself to punish her. and then the therapist kicking both my parents out and trying to convince me to say a few words, and her finally getting me to realize that how my mom treated me was not normal and not something i needed to put up with if it made me sad and scared, and then the therapist realizing that i was still too sad and scared to confront it, and her and i coming up with a compromise where we would tell my mom that i was just ‘really attached’ to dad’s house and it wasnt that i was terrified of living with my mom or liked my dad better, it was that i just really liked living in one place instead of out of a suitcase and moving every week), and so had both the therapist and my dad supporting me when at fourteen i finally said enough was enough and demanded that my dad get full custody so i didnt have to spend every other week with my abusive mother anymore - while i got out of that situation, my brother didnt. i tried, he knew that it was my decision to live full time with dad and i made it clear he could do the same, but just as it was a given that i was identical to dad’s personality, my brother was identical to mom’s so i think he was more attached to her than i was. either way, he always refused and insisted on continuing to live between both of them. after i hit driving age, my dad transferred responsibility to me for shuttling my brother to and from my dad’s house to my mom’s apartment. dad’d lock himself in his room, or go to the gym, and i’d turn on an endless rotation of star wars movies for jordan and i to watch before i had to take him to his next week’s place (phantom menace was our favorite cause darth maul was just cool ok, dont judge).

anyway, the last day i ever stayed at my moms house, my brother was there. and i must have been twenty or twenty one because he would have only been around seventeen. but even at seventeen he was well over six foot five cause he got all the height in the family which was totally not fair but thats besides the point. so while i was there my mom flew into one of her alcohol induced rages, and took it all out on my brother. i had intellectually figured that all the anger my mom used to take out on me had then transferred to my brother once i stopped living there every other week, but up until that point i hadn’t actually seen it. she started shoving him, and punching him, and not enough so it would hurt much, because as i said he was well over six feet and she was barely five six, so he could pretty well block any thing she dished out. but he was cornered, and he looked scared. and i was hiding useless on the stairwell, crying, and begging mom to stop. and it only stopped cause jordan managed to slip out the front door and once he escaped mom went back into the kitchen, still yelling and angry. and i took the chance to grab my school bag and leave in solidarity. and my brother and i stood there awkwardly on the porch, me still crying, and him smoking and trying to look cool and not like he just got chased out of the apartment by a woman half his size. and i promised him we wouldnt go back until she calmed down, and that she was being unreasonable and he didnt deserve any of it, and id figure out somewhere to go. and we started walking down the sidewalk, but not together because we were never that close. he wandered off somewhere to smoke. and that’s as far as i remember.

this day came up in conversation with my grandma in the months after grandpa’s death, during one of our many three am can’t sleep conversations in grandma’s kitchen (grandma would wake up, i’d hear her get out of bed and wake up too. she’d make herself tea and eat some graham crackers and we’d sit together at the table feeling the third empty chair like an ache). grandma brought it up, because apparently, even though i cant remember this at all, i had my no/kia brick phone in my school bag (a minor miracle because i hated carrying around cell phones for the longest time), and i actually called grandma. and grandpa and her came to pick me up, and they found me sitting on a wall a block away from my mom’s apartment, and then we drove around till we found jordan, and then we all went back to my grandparent’s house. after bringing this up, grandma then, completely unprompted, told me something that child me thought about regularly - she said that even though her mom died when she was 8, leaving her to help raise her two younger siblings, grandma thought in some ways it was easier than what my brother and i went through with the divorce and my mom leaving. i used to regularly - not wish my mom dead, exactly - but wish i could pretend she was dead, rather than her just not being there anymore. especially since, when i was suddenly thrown into being her sole emotional and physical punching bag now that dad wasn’t filling the role anymore, a lot of the times being around her post divorce was not a good thing. (I cut off all contact with my mom finally at age 25 and haven’t looked back)

so yeah, i was fucking pissed that i had worked so hard to try to mitigate the damage i caused by leaving jordan alone with my mom for pretty much the entirety of my high school years...only to have my dad kick him out barely a few years after i left for college and thus putting my brother at my mom’s mercy. ostensibly my dad kicked my brother out because of his drug addictions, but my brother was the most mild mannered addict i’ve ever known. the worst thing he ever did was steal a couple hundred dollars from me, but he never got violent, he never got angry. other people got angry at him. my aunt once tried to fight him in a hospital elevator because he sold my cousin heroin or meth or some shit and my cousin ended up impaling a knife in his chest in front of my grandma, which is a whole nother story. but jordan was only nineteen when that happened. my cousin? thirty six. and a long time violent and angry drug addict with a record (he threw a book at his professor’s head and got kicked out of grad school while on cocaine once, which is how he ended up back in washington state and needing a new drug dealer - hence my brother suddenly getting involved) (same cousin later flew into a drug fueled rage in his forties and almost beat his girlfriend to death) (my brother was long since clean by then and had nothing to do with our cousin getting drugs at that point)

all this to say my dad’s rich bitch new wife didn’t think a drug addict and mentally ill artist fit into her picture perfect family, so dad started making it clear we were not welcome at family functions unless we complied with very strict rules. ironically, jordan was let back into the fold first partially because i can hold a grudge for a very long time and i was very very terrified of my mom and dad was the sane stable one and i had trusted him to take care of everything even without me there and dad had failed pretty spectacularly at that. im still bitter at my dad for his secret marriage and subsequent moving into her million dollar mansion and throwing my brother out. but also partially because jordan started following all of dad’s rules, got himself cleaned up (he moved in with his girlfriend, and i think being out of mom’s house had a lot to do with getting over his addictions), started studying computer science, found a really good software engineering job, suddenly dad approved of him. i also partially antagonized rich bitch wife by doing silly things like wearing black leather pants and the most provocative clothes i owned whenever i went over to their house. rich bitch was a very simple narrow minded person with a lot of prejudices. i imagine i was not seen as a good influence on her two younger daughters. and eventually they stopped seeing me altogether. even when i was living in washington for all of 2017 - the only time i ever saw dad was when he’d come visit my grandparents alone. the day before i took grandma on the train to move to ohio, we were supposed to all have dinner together at our family’s favorite place to eat out - crossroads mall - and the rich bitch refused to show up. that’s how petty she is. she also is so dumb she’s under the delusion that kids get into drugs if they don’t have dogs (????) so that’s why she forced my dad to get a dog for her spoiled brat youngest when the girl went into high school. my dad dislikes animals, so i will say one of the highlights of this marriage is seeing my dad become a dog person. the rich bitch and her daughters mostly ignore the dog, but my dad is so attached to max that he even lets the little puppy sit in his lap while driving. anyway, anyone who thinks dogs are the sole answer to preventing drug addictions can go to hell.

yeah, blah blah blah, to sum up its WEIRD for my dad to suddenly be texting my brother and i unprompted, and asking me about my life and my plans. i dont really know how to deal. i miss him. he was always the closest person in my life to the point where even when i moved away for college, i still assumed after i graduated i’d just move back in with dad so it was only four years being gone, cause why would i ever want to live anywhere else?. i kept thinking if i could hit some level of success that he would approve of, that maybe eventually i could become somebody his rich bitch wife would associate with. but that never happened, obviously. 

[motleyfuckingcruee]

I Think I'm Okay (Vince Neil x Reader)

Part 1

Summary:

You are hooked on hard drugs and you can't seem to escape them. You meet Vince at a party that your friend is throwing. He sees that you're struggling, and can kind of sympathize with you. He tries to help you in every way he can

Warnings:

Drugs, fluff, language, suicidal thoughts

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!!! PLEASE SEND THEM IN!

THIS WILL ALSO BE A SHORT SERIES!!!

MOST OF MY ONE SHOTS ARE BASED OFF OF SONGS SO I WILL START LINKING THEM:

I Think I'm Okay

COMMENT IF YOU WANT TO BE ON A TAGLIST! OR GO TO MY BIO TO ADD YOURSELF TO ONE!

//

You do two lines of blow. You rub your nose afterwards, feeling the high hitting you. You feel like you can run a marathon. The music and the grinding, sweaty bodies are only background noise. The only thing you can hear is the frantic beating of your heart and every breath you take. You feel the couch dip beside you.

You almost expected it to be your best friend letting you know it's time to leave. Instead you find a gorgeous blonde man looking into your (E/C) eyes. Your eyes start to unfocus the longer you stare at him. You watch his mouth start moving, almost as if he's talking. Then his voice finally floats to meet your ears.

"Did you hear me?" He asks, laughing at you.

You shake your head. "Nahh, I didn't," You slur. You can't help but think about how beautiful he looks.

"I said, 'I'm Vince Neil and you're way too pretty to be sitting here all alone," He repeats, a smirk on his face.

You don't even blush at his words like you would if you were the tiniest bit sober. "I'm (Y/N) and you're way too sexy to be at this place," You respond. You aren't even sure if that made any sense.

"You're wasted aren't you?" Vince asks, his whole demeanor changing.

He went from "I'm going to try to fuck you" to "Do you need me to get you anything? Cuddles?" in the matter of two seconds.

"I might be a little," You answer, leaning into him without meaning too.

You've already shot up some blow not even an hour before. You're feeling pretty good right now. You highly doubt that you're going to remember Vince's name, or that this conversation even happened.

Vince starts talking again, but you don't hear him. You can only feel the vibrations coming from his body. You just realize that your laying on his chest. He's si comfty and warm. You just need to close your eyes for a few minutes. Yeah, just a few minutes is a all you need......

----

You wake up in an unfamiliar room and a pounding headache. You groan.

Where the hell am I? What the fuck happened?

The door opens, revealing a tall blonde man. You furrow your eyebrows. He looks familiar.

"Good, you're awake," He says, coming over to sit on the edge of the bed. You look at him with a confused expression on your face. "You don't remember me, do you?"

You smile, your face heats up from embarrassment. "You look familiar. I just can't remember your name."

"Glad to know you at least recognize me," Vince chuckles, looking down at his lap.

He really is gorgeous. You don't know what it is about him. He's just.....wow.

"Would you mind filling me in on what the fuck happened last night?" You ask, swinging your legs over the side of the bed. Your bare feet hit the cold hardwood floor. You don't remember taking your shoes off, but then again you don't remember anything from the night before.

"I started to talk to you, and then you passed out," Vince explains calmly.

"God, I didn't come onto you before I passed out, did I?" You ask. Your cheeks turn a deep shade of red.

Vince laughs. "You did say I was sexy." You bury your face in your hands. "But, to be fair, I called you pretty."

Your eyes widen. This gorgeous man called you pretty?

He' probably only saying that to make you feel better, That pesky little voice says.

"Y-You did?" You stutter, feeling even more embarrassed.

You get embarrassed a lot. The only time you don't blush every time a guy says a word to you is when you're drunk or high. . . .which is most of everyday now.

"Of course I did," Vince smiles. "I have to say, you're even more gorgeous now that I'm sober."

"You were high last night too?" You ask.

Vince shakes his head. "Nope. I was a bit buzzed from the whiskey, but that was it." He pauses, thinking over his next words. "You were high?"

You nod, feeling ashamed for some reason. What does it matter what this guy thinks of you? It doesn't, but it really matters to you for whatever reason. "I shot up some blow along with snorting it."

"You shoot up?" Vince asks, his face filled with worry.

"I don't need your sympathy or a lecture, alright? I know it's killing me, but I need it to be normal. I've been on it for so long," You explain, hoping you don't sound like a psychopath.

That's how you feel sometimes when you're off blow for even a few hours. You feel crazy. You feel like you're completely losing your mind, but no one seems to notice. It's not like you have many people that care for you anyways.

Vince sighs. "I just don't want you to ruin yourself, (Y/N)."

"Why are you acting like we've known each other for years? We haven't. We just met ladt night. A meeting I don't even remember!" You exclaim, throwing your hands up.

"I don't know what it is, but I care for you," Vince answers.

You know you're overreacting. You know you need to calm down. You take a few deep breaths, running your fingers through your hair. For some reason that always calms you.

"I'm sorrry," You nearly whisper. "You've taken me in and made sure I didnt end up dead somewhere because I was too fucked up to think straight. Thank you for that, by the way."

"It's no problem," He answers, grinning at you.

You sigh. "I guess I better get going."

"No!" Vince almost yells as you move to get up. You jump, staring at him. His face turns red as he realizes that he scared you. "Stay for breakfast. Please?"

You grin. You really like this guy. He's the sweetest man to be in your life since. . . .well he's the sweetest guy that's ever been in your life ever. "Alright."

Vince leads you down the stairs and into a grand kitchen. It's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen and probably the most expensive.

Vince makes you both breakfast. He would constantly look up at you, then look down when you'd catch him looking. It was like you were in high school again. Like you're having your first crush.

As you and Vince ate, he told you about his band, Mötley Crüe. You've heard their stuff before and they're really good. Vince has a great voice. You didn't even know it was him until now.

You managed to keep Vince talking about himself for the entire time you both ate. You really didn't want to talk about yourself. You just know as soon as you tell him about your past he'll leave. That's what they all do.

You both finish up eating, and you decide it's time for you to go. You take a peek outside and immediately know where you're at. It'll be a thirty minute walk back to your shitty apartment.

Vince walks you to the door with a huge grin on his face.

"I'll see you around," You say, opening the door.

"Wait!" He says, and you turn to face him. "Do you want to go out with me later this week? I'll be free on Friday."

"Yeah, sure," You say without hesitating. You mentally slap yourself for sounding so desperate.

"Great!" He says, his eyes lighting up. He hands you a slip of paper. "Call me later."

You nod. "Bye Vince."

"Bye, (Y/N)."

You walk out onto the porch. You look down at the paper. A grin pulls at your lips. You start to walk home.

Halfway there, the craving comes back. The need to get some blow. You start to sweat and you feel your hands get clammy.

Funny. With Vince you didn't even think about blow. Or any of the other drugs you take on a daily basis.

Maybe Vince will be the person to save you.

Tags:

All fics: @the--blackdahlia @sugar-content @sharon6713 @siliwanoel @charlyallise

Vince: @moon-beame

[weiqiankun-blog]

beauty you hold.

female reader x mark lee 

pretty frickin soft 

my first piece of writing so i do hope you enjoy reading it 

3k ish

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You'll admit, working at a coffee shop had it's quirks but there were just sometimes when all you wanted to do was go home and just sleep cause after all you were an exhausted college student and lets just say times were...tough sometimes. You've been working at your local coffee shop for awhile now and youve made friends with the other workers keeping in mind that theyre all quite older than you but atleast you have one close friend who works with you, this of course being one of your bestfriend's yuta. When you first met yuta, you kinda thought he was a pushover and a bit too bossy (or atleats thats what you said to him when you were explaining why you didnt approach him when you guys first met but actually it was only cause you were too scared). But ANYWAY, you were first to start working at the coffee shop, its name being 'Euphoria Cafe' and once you saw the help wanted sign through the window you were probably the first to apply cause you loved that place. Need a place to study? Euphoria, Need a place to relax? Euphoria, Need a place to sometimes see a few cute boys from time to time?... Euphoria (hotel?trivago (sorry i just had to)) so yeah. you got the job obviously and it was difficult at first to get used to how to use all the machines and everything but eventually you got the hang of it. And this is when your (not yet) best friend yuta comes waltzing in as the newly hired worker and you were kinda nervous cause yeah sure you're good with making friends but that doesn’t change that fact that you're terrified of embarrassing yourself especially in front of someone you found intimating.

So your first day together was awkward to say the least, there were many glances on both ends and all you guys said to each other were hi's, sorry's, here ya go's, and bye's when you guys left eventually. The next day it was like something snapped inside of you and you were having a really good day and you were just happy for ledgit no reason but when you're in moods like this, you kind of forget how to act around people or not forget but it's just a lot more free? So when you come into work you see yuta just getting in as well, and out of nowhere you just shouted, " hey yuta!!! how's your day been, excited for work?!" and the shock on his face was priceless and he just turned around and said, "oh, hey y/n, its been good and yeah i guess you could say i am", and to be honest you were kinda surprised he knew your name cause you guys literally never talked before yesterday and today was the first actual conversation you guys were having so naturally you asked, " oh woah, you know my name?", " well yeah, you know my name so...", "good point good point". And that was the start of a beautiful friendship, you guys grew really close and pretty fast and what surprised you the most was how jokingly flirtatious he got and it was definitely a joke cause at this point in your friendship you guys have seen TOO MUCH (dont be weird not like that) of each other to catch any feelings. You guys came to work together almost every day with him basically clinging onto you cause he needs affection and you obviously giving him it cause um who could resist. So yeah life was nice other than the crazy amount of work you had to do for college but OTHER THAN THAT just great :(.

Well anyway (yes this is a mark fluff just waittt) after  few months of working there another employee joined and you recognized him almost instantly, he was in almost all of your classes but you guys barely talked, actually you guys only talked when you were forced to (partnered up and stuff). He wasnt in your shift but you always saw him leaving when you and yuta coming in. Eventually, mid-term break came along and yeah you were excited as hell but yuta was leaving to back to his hometown in japan so you would be pretty lonely. But then... you come into work one day not really being aware of your surroundings because you were too absorbed in your music but then when you walk in you see mark behind the counter not looking ready to leave at all so you said, "oh hi mark" (get the reference?) clear confusion coming out with your words and mark acknowledged it so he replied, " hey y/n, oh i asked if i could change my shift time because this works better for me so youll be seeing me for a while haha", " oh okay then i look forward to working with you", you say while nodding your head slightly. so mark right, you always liked him, not like crush sense but you thought he was cool you guess, and theres no denying that he was pretty cute but you never even had the idea of liking him until one day. So you come into work and suprisingly mark's not there he was usually early but you just thought oh he probably had something to do and didnt really care (#sorrynotsorry) but then in comes an extremely disheveled looking mark with messy hair and ripped jeans and a hoodie on and you were concerned to say the least. Thankfully no customers were in the shop yet and mark just runs to the counter panting and you genuinely think someone's been chasing him but he later explains he woke up like 2 minutes before he came to the coffee shop cause his phone ran out of battery hence alarm=nonexistent basically. That day you had a lot of customers and since you guys had to stay the entire day by the end of the day you were exhausted. When it was about an hour to closing mark just went on his break and it was just you in the shop because he just went for a walk which he regularly does for his break, something you noticed. but there werent many customers so you were okay but when you turned around to the register you saw a pink post-it saying: stay back today for a bit?. you already know mark wanted to just relax after work today and you guys had stayed back after work sometimes and you enjoyed it so you smiled and continued with the order for the customer. eventually he came back and you smiled and nodded and he smiled back and that just made you smile harder. so the day was finally over and you went to sit infront of the counter and took off your apron while mark was busy making something that you figured was his but when he was done you realized he had two drinks in his hand one being your favourite, a hot chocolate and one a berry smoothie. He placed the hot chocolate infront of you and you were like huh? and he said, “you drink this practically whenever you have the chance anyone would know it's your favourite". your heart kinda fluttered but you were like gurl dont be dumb staph but that didnt really stop much. you guys moved to the sofa after grabbing a few snacks (this was the main perk of getting the end shift cause you could stay back). You guys were facing each other and the windows were all still open blowing chilling air in and although you loved it you were cold and being the dumb one you are you forgot to bring a jacket so you shivered but you were fine after you closed the windows or so you thought for like two seconds and then you were like yeah no i be cold. "so care to explain why you came in looking like a wreck today" "so are you implying that i look good every other day" " well im not denying it.." you were always quite flirty with everyone unintentionally (sometimes intentionally) but mark kinda got used to it " i just slept really late yesterday and today wasnt the best" "i can tell but hey whats up?" "eh just stuff" "oh also ive been meaning to ask how long are you going to be working this shift?" "oh you want me to stay i see" "please, if anything the opposite" "mhmmm sure" he says with a smug look on his face, "well until your boyfriend comes back" you spat out your drink," my boyfriend?!" confusion was plastered on marks face and he said" yeah the guy you were working with before i came, yuta i think his name was?" you genuinely couldnt stop laughing until you eventually explained that he was just a bestfriend and you noticed a look of relief on his face? but pushed it aside. suddenly mark just got up and went to the back where you heard rummaging. after a few minutes mark came back with a t-shirt on and his hoodie in his hand. He threw over to you "stop shivering and wear this" he says he sat next to you this time causing you heart to basically jump out of your chest he wasnt that close or anything just him being kind. you mumbled a thanks. after a few moments of silence mark asked " so do you have a boyfriend?" "no you?" "nah. hey wanna lock up and just walk" you were actually glad he asked cause you were kinda tired of being in the cafe for this long and you thankfully nodded ---- you guys walked to a nearby park just talking about literally anything that came to your mind at this point you guys were pretty close and both of you guys knew things about each other that a lot of people dont, irrelevant and meaningful, like he knows that you only like the ends of those soda gummies cause apparently then have the most taste, but he argues that it all tastes the same, that doesnt stop him from eating the other end when you dont want it though, and you know that whenever hes stressed the only thing he wants to do is talk to someone he trusts and you were the same that way. as you were walking you werent really focusing on anything cause your heart was kinda all over the place cause youve officially developed a big fat crush on this idiot and you knew he didnt feel the same but then you being so absent minded caused you to trip and almost instantly mark grabbed your hand to stop you from falling over and you just started laughing while mark asked you if you were okay. you guys continued to walk in silence with the howling wind filling the air, although you guys were nothing you couldnt ask for more in this moment. you were reaching for your phone when you realized mark was still holding your hand you just stopped walking and froze staring at your hands clasped together (they werent intertwined but just holding ya get?) and obviously every force has an equal and opposite Reaction (its SciEnTifiC oKaY) so since you stopped walking and you were connected to mark he kinda was pulled back and this is when you noticed how red his face was and that surprised you but at the same time youre sure you were too (but like im brown so you wouldnt even be able to tell ay ay) "you only noticed i was holding your hand this entire time now?" "uh.. well.. ummm-" "sorry do you want me t-" he said as he started letting go "no no its fine i was just surprised thats all" and you guys continue walking except now your fingers are intertwined and your heart beating double time. you truly liked mark for his personality, for the way he made you laugh, the way he made you feel, the way he treated you, you really liked him. you guys found a a green patch that was pretty empty and decided to sit. mark was pretty sleepy so he asked if he could put his head on your lap and you said sure. it was pretty late at night but you werent scared if anything you felt safe and happy. mark did that to you and as you looked down at his face you truly realized how beautiful he was. his skin was so smooth and the fluorescent lights along the park were reflecting on his round glasses that shaped his face perfectly. you then hesitated before taking his glasses off cause you noticed he takes them off whenever hes tired so you just wanted him to feel comfortable. he opened his eyes at that and looked straight into your eyes, his eyes truly glimmered in the light as if they were shining stars of their own but what you didnt know is that those same eyes have been staring at you all night admiring your beauty and presence. you give him a slight smile and he does the same before shutting his eyes once again. you kinda wished he didnt because you wanted to stare into his eyes for more but atleast he was getting rest. this is when you decided to play some music. it was calm and relaxing and always helped when you were feeling stressed and you could tell mark was for whatever reason cause he refuses to tell you and since music was such a huge part of your life you hoped it would help him too. you started singing along lowly and not to brag or anything but your voice wasnt half bad, after all you were a music major and one of the instruments you play was your throat so you sounded pretty nice and mark seemed to agree with this cause he then reached for your phone and paused the music to say, " i like your voice better" and you being way too scared to sing infront of him refused but eventually he convinced you by saying he would sing as well which he did and you guys sounded nice.

after staying for a bit longer you decided it was time to go home so you told mark to get up and he obliged. he held his hand out for you and even after helping you up he continued to hold it. he insisted on dropping you off to your dorm which hes visited before to watch a movie or two but thats all. on your way back you asked him, "mark are you sure you dont want to talk about whats stressing you out?" "no its okay really, thanks for caring" he replied "anytime and if you change your mind just call me okay?" he nodded you guys reached your house by now and mark with such sincerity in his voice said" thanks for today, really" "we do this almost every week what are you talking about" " i know but just thank you for being you" he says while staring admirably at your face "look mark, well first you know im always here even if we arent working the same shift anymore im glad we became as close as we are now cause i truly cant imagine my life without you and yeah i know its really cheesy but its true but most importantly you need to stop beating yourself up whenever you mess up. youre human and we tend to make mistakes sometimes and thats fine because i know you mark and i know at the end of the day you’re going to be an amazing dancer and youll be great at whatever you want to do so i dont know whats bothering you but whatever it is i know you can overcome it so just keep your head up high and be strong but dont be afraid to talk to people about it. and mark, im just saying all this cause i care abo-" interrupting what you were saying mark comes closer and kisses you. His lips were warm contradicting the the cold weather and one of his hands was around your waist ever so gently pulling you closer to him while the other was on your neck gently caressing it. his lips were so gentle yet so passionate as if you could feel all of his emotions, your eyes were closed and your hands were around his neck and then your fingers ran through his hair. you dont even know how long the kiss went on but you had to pull away cause you were out of breath. Your foreheads were against each other and noses almost touching his eyes were closed and he mumbled under his breath " thank you, thank you so much. thank you for being the person you are and for making me feel the way i feel. every time i see you im so mesmerized by the amount of beauty you can hold. everything you do makes my heart beat faster and im just so glad that youre in my life and im really sorry if you dont feel the same ill act like this never happened if you want me to but i really like you and i have for a long while and i just want to compliment you everytime i see you and hold your hand and kiss you to show you how much i appreciate you and god y/n you make me feel things i dont think ive ever felt befo-" "mark..." you say moving your head to look a him, he hesitantly opens his eyes expecting a rejection "i like you too" you say before giving him a deep but quick kiss and after that he lift you up and hugs you and start cheering almost about how happy he is. And that was the start of your relationship with mark lee <3

3:00 AM 1/24/2019 (this is when I wrote this can you frickin believe wow welp.. that was it)

[jayascorner]

life isn’t that bad

~part 1

josh dun x reader

•

•

•

(past flashback thing i guess..)

i leaned on the small, brown piano as i listened to my boyfriend play beautiful sounding chords on it. i watched his fingers glide across the keys, something about his fingers playing made me feel happy. then he starts singing.

“you know...

i’ve always been collected, calm, and chill.

and you know...

i never look for conflict for the thrill.

but if i’m feelin’...

someone steppin’ towards you, can’t describe just what i’m feelin’..

for you.” he stopped.

“that’s all i have so far.” he smiled up at me.

i always loved his voice and how he had a natural talent. but this song, it’s like he wrote it for someone. i mean... i am his girlfriend.

“that was beautiful!” i beamed.

he smiled shyly. “thanks. i uh.. i wrote it for you.”

“that’s the cutest song i’ve ever heard.”

he smiled and stood up. he came towards me to lean in for a kiss.

that was a good day. but sadly, i never heard the rest of the song.

••••••••end of flashback••••••••

(6 years later)

obviously this is not like how most stories go. no, tyler and i never ended up happily ever after. no, we didn’t end up getting married and having a totally problem less life. life definitely isn’t perfect. and things happen, like my first relationship not lasting forever. crAzY rigHT?! wrong.

it’s really hard to get over someone that seems like ‘the one’ to you. when it turns out wrong, it’s like your whole world flips up-side-down. tyler did seem like he was the one, but i guess he wasn’t. in fact, i bet he’s already married now, he is really good looking.

i did end up getting over the fact that i broke up with a perfect guy eventually. but he is still fresh in my mind. i know, we were young. i was only seventeen. of course it didn’t work out. it took me a long time to get over it, though. even though that was six years ago, i still remember it fully as if it just happened. weird, huh?

yes, i’m still single, and haven’t found anyone, really. it’s kinda sad. well, actually

i’ve found someone. his name is josh.

it wasn’t until later that night, or should i say morning, i got a call from josh.

i picked up my phone to answer the call. it was strange he was calling me at 12 in the morning, so something must’ve been up.

“hey jish. why are you up so late?” i asked through the line.

“sorry y/n. i just wanted you to know that my band made a new album.”

oh yeah! he’s in a band! twenty one pilots! i forgot!

i’ve listened to stressed out, but not anything else really. only because it’s been on the radio a couple times. but the lead singer’s voice sounds very familiar.

“oh. ok... what’s it called?”

“oh it’s called trench.” he said.

“did y’all just now release it?” i asked.

“yup. i bet our fans are going ballistic. we haven’t released an album for a long while, ” he said, chuckling. i laughed “they probably are.” “well, i’m telling everybody in my contacts and i guess you were the first person i thought of.”

i could feel that he was smiling through the other line. “really?!” i asked, all the sudden feeling really happy.

“yeah...anyways, sorry for bothering you.” he apologized.

“no no you weren’t bothering me. i’m wide awake.”

“oh good...are you bored?”

well..i mean...kinda. ok yeah. i’m bored now that i think of it.

“yeah i am bored, actually. i have nothing to do.” i said.

“ok do you want to come stay with me? i’ll just be contacting all my friends about the album.”

how could i say no? he’s offering me an opportunity not to be bored out of my mind! yay!

“yes. anything to make me not bored. uh...you have food right?” i asked, suddenly feeling hunger in my stomach.

“yeah? why?” he asked, confused.

“i don’t know...i’m hungry for some reason.”

“you like pickles?”

“I LOVE PICKLES DO YOU HAVE THEM?!” i asked, pure joy coming out of my voice.

“yeah actually, i have a huge jar of them. i got it from a friend. i’m pretty sure it was a joke, but you can have some.”

“OH MY GOSH REALLY?? THAT IS ACTUALLY A LIFE SAVER. PICKLES ARE LITERALLY MY HOLY GRAIL!”

apparently that was funny to josh because he started cracking up. but really, i was being serious.

“okay then— you-you can have the pick-pickles” he said in between laughs.

“YESS THANK YOU!! okay so i’ll come over right now. we can listen to the album.”

“okay sounds great.”

“‘kay, bye jishwa.”

“bye (y/n/n).”

i ended the call. i’ve always like the nickname he had for me. like, it’s unique. only he calls me that. if someone else calls me that in front of josh, he’ll be like ‘nope. get your own nickname for her’ or something like that. is pretty amusing. he’s also protective over me, and i really appreciate that.

“LET’S GO WOOOO!! I DON’T EVEN CARE THAT IT’S IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!! WOOOOO!!!” i shouted to myself as i grabbed my keys. i tossed them and caught them like a cool person and walked out the door.

“wait.....” i realized i literally had a tank top and shorts on. AND NO SHOES. “i do not look presentable, do i?” i said to myself.

later when i put better clothes on, like a t-shirt and leggings, i slipped on some tennis shoes before finally walking out the door with my keys.

~lil time skip~

*knock knock knock*

i waited for the door to open.

the door opened with josh in a t-shirt and pants. somehow, the man still seemed to attract me.

“hey! that was fast.” josh said, a big smile spread across his face.

“you know me.” i said, josh making a way for me to come in. i spread my arms out so i could hug him. i don’t know...i just really felt like getting a hug from josh. he wrapped his arms around my torso. i rested my head on his shoulder. “how was your day?” he asked. “good so far, it just started.” i smiled.

“oh that’s right. well how was your day yesterday?” he pulled away.

“it was alright i guess. nothing really happened much, but i can tell you that today will be great.” i said, while making my way to a nearby couch. y’all sat down together on the end.

“i know my day will be awesome . it starts with you.”

“thanks. anyways, enough with the cheesies now i want to hear the album.”

“okay. now you can do whatever you want while i contact people.” he said. i nodded in response.

then i remembered that he had a whole jar of pickles, and then suddenly got really hungry. but little did i know, there weren’t pickles so pleasing to my eye. meaning, there was only one.

“oh yeah...so you have pickles?” i ask, a smile creeping on my face.

“oh uh...about that...i got a little hungry.”

he says, looking down.

“YOU ATE MY PICKLES?!!” i shouted standing up. i marched to the fridge.

“well technically they’re not your pickles. they’re mine. i was gonna let you have them.”

“why did you eat them then?!”

“i didn’t eat all of them. and besides, i was hungry.”

i managed to find a jar of pickles, or should i say jar of pickle. i looked up and gave him a death stare. “how much were there originally?”

“um...i forget.” he said, but i could feel he was lying.

“oh really?”

he sighed. “no.”

“that’s what i thought. now how many were there?”

“...” he said. he SAID. dOT DOT DOT.

“wow you just said ‘dot dot dot’. but seriously how much. i won’t be mad.”

“...fine. about six.”

“YOU ATE FIVE?! I THOUGHT YOU DIDNT LIKE PICKLES!” i shouted. i wasn’t mad, i was just shocked.

“there was nothing else to eat.”

“why? i thought you have a lot of food.”

“i’m....on a.....diet?” he said, more a question.

“yeah. a pickle diet. not to mention, i saw you eating ice cream two days ago.” i stated.

“that’s because...“ he paused to think of some made up excuse. “i just started my diet today!” he triumphantly said, probably happy that he found an excuse that i would possibly buy. wrong. i didn’t buy it.

“whatever you say josh. anyways, it’s fine i’ll just have this pickle. i need to go on a diet, too.”

“i’m sorry for eating your pickles y/n.” he said, shamefully.

“it’s fine josh. don’t sweat it. i totally understand though, pickles are amazing.”

“they’re okay i guess. i mean, i have similar foods that you might like.”

i stop mid-bite in the pickle.

“...”

“like what?” i asked, out of curiosity.

“um..let’s see.” he looks in the fridge. “i have cucumbers.” he looked back at me. “if you like those.”

“do you have ranch?” i asked, because like cucumbers, but they’re even better with ranch in my opinion.

“uhm, what kind of ranch?”he asked.

what kind of ranch?? what is he talking about. uhh yeah i’ll have some chocolate ranch. thanks.

“what do you mean?” i asked, because i’ve only heard of regular ranch.

“like flavors. i have chipotle, coleslaw, buffalo, and jalapeño ranch.”

oh.

ohhh.

i’m so dumb.

now i know what he’s talking about.

“can you put samples in bowls so i can taste test them? ‘cause i don’t know what they taste like.” i ask, walking in the kitchen where he was.

“yeah.” he said.

with that he got three small bowls out and put each type of ranch in it. “this one’s homemade.” he pointed to the jalapeño ranch.

“so it must be good.” i said with a smile.

“i don’t know, do you like spicy?” he asked. i shrugged “depends on how spicy it is.” i dipped a cucumber in it and took a bite. i stopped and my eyes widened. i looked at josh like ‘seriously dude? you MADE this?’

he quickly noticed and chuckled. “is it good?” he asked.

“holy crap dude. why haven’t i tried this ranch before? this is amazing!”

josh smiled at me. “so, you want that one?” he pointed to the dip you were using.

i nodded, dipping more cucumbers in it, as if i couldn’t get enough of it.

“okay.” he got some more of the ranch into a bowl that had enough for me to eat.

now lemme say something, josh is really nice. i don’t know if he’s nice like this to everyone, or if he has- well, um...feelings for me. which i don’t think so. and i don’t know how to feel about him, whether he’s a friend, or more. i would only like him if he liked me back, y’know, that sort of thing. of course he’s attractive to me, but i need to wait to see if he would possibly feel the same. but there’s just one thing, i don’t want to ask him in person or anything. so yeah, there’s that. phew! i got it out of me.

after a while of silence, nothing but me crunching on my cucumbers, i hear this voice in a sing-song way say something that vaguely sounded like ‘cover me’.

and then this really awesome bass line kicks in, followed with a drum beat.

i start bopping as i feel the music. josh looks over at me, and smiles at my sudden liking for this song. “this is jumpsuit. the first song on the album.”

“it’s catchy.” i said, a grin finding its way to my face.

“oh, just wait until the words are sung.” he said.

and that’s when i heard the first line. yes the ‘i can’t believe how much i hate.’ and for some reason, the voice is strongly familiar...

“why do i know that voice?” i mutter to myself, but josh seemed to hear.

“um, stressed out was on the radio a lot. you might recognize the voice from that.” josh says, confused.

“yeah i’ve heard that before, but that sounded familiar, too.” i said. i totally knew the person, he was just on the tip of my tongue. “w-what’s his name?” i asked, my nerves picking up as if i had known this guy before.

“his name’s tyler.”

hey guys, so apparently this was too long so i had to cut it in two parts. i hope you liked this first part :))

i will be updating the second part shortly, if you’re wondering :)

—yaya

[cryinggameff]

Sixty Eight

Randi

Cayden was gone for work all week, and I was struggling being without him. He called several times a day to check in or just talk but it wasn’t the same. Being away from him was almost physically painful right now. It’s like the baby actually knew he was gone and made me feel this pull towards him.

The only thing keeping me going was that he had promised to take me away once he got back. He had been saying for several weeks that he was gonna bring me to Jamaica because I was all he could think about while He was there last. Until then I was just focusing on work and hanging with my friends. My mom was staying at the house currently because Cay called her behind my back and told her I needed her help while he was gone.

“Have some breakfast,” she said, pushing the plate to me.

“I’m not ready to eat yet, I’ll just have some juice.”

“You need some real calories, hows the baby supposed to grow?” She said. I looked down at my small bump, taking in what she said.

“Maybe just a little bit,” I mumbled, sitting at a chair. She made me a plate with way too much excitement and brought it to me. I started nibbling away and she watched my eat. It was just like Cayden was here.

“So when’s your next appointment?” She asked.

“When Cayden gets back. It was supposed to be a bit ago because I’m over three months but I kept putting it off,” I moved aside the eggs that were looking very off putting for some reason.

“Are you gonna find out the gender?”

“I don’t know yet. I kind of want it to be a surprise,” I shrugged. She shook her head.

“Then how am I supposed to start shopping!?” She looked at me like I was crazy. I laughed.

“You can by it when he gets here,” I offered.

“So you think it’s a boy?” She said. My brows came together.

“I have no idea.”

“You said he,” she smiled. I blushed. It was just a habit, honestly I didn’t really think about it that much. I was just focused on getting the baby out safe and sound and surviving the pregnancy myself. A boy would be cute though, and a lot of fun for Cay. But so would a little girl, and I could really see Cay spoiling her.

“Maybe I’ll find out,” I said. I looked at my watch. “I have to go to my appointment now. You can go home mom, I’ll be fine here,” I got up from the chair.

“Go ahead. I’ll clean up. Are you sure honey?”

“I’m sure. I’ll call you if I need anything. I’m not gonna be here until later tonight anyways,” I pointed out.

“Okay then. I’ll head out soon, I’ll have my cell, I can be here in 5 minutes,” she smiled.

“Okay. Bye mom, I love you,” I grabbed my things and prepared to leave before she could make me late.

When I got to Dr. Williams office, the secretary was on the phone and typing away on her computer she looked so flustered. I wondered why it was so busy. I had to sit and wait until she got off the phone.

"So sorry to keep you waiting dear. All appointments for today are cancelled. Mrs. Williams went into labour this morning," she said.

"Oh! Wow, how exciting," i said, imagining the day i would be in that position.

"Yeah, she was getting ancy, she was a week over due already. How far along are you?"She looked at my bump with a smile.

"4 months. I still got a while to go," i ran my hand over my small bump.

"It will go quickly from here, dont worry," she said. That sounded comforting and frightening.

"Im sure it will," i said simply.

"She left a message for you by the way," she said, turning to her computer. I wasn't surprised, Dr. Williams was a family friend by this point and she would feel bad about cancelling one of our appointments. "She says she emailed you the hospital shes at with visiting hours and that you're welcome to come see the baby."

"I hadn't checked my email," i said, pulling out my phone. I checked my mail and sure enough there was an email from her. "Thank you for letting me know. Ill give her a call. Thank you," i said.

"No problem hun. Did you want to see someone else?" she asked. "Dr. Hillinger is in today."

"No thats fine. Thanks though. Have a good day," I said, grabbing my phone off the counter. I left the office and went back to my car. I debated whether or not to go back home but decided i might as well go to the salon. I didn't really wanna be home alone anyways.

Cole

Ty was staying with me for the last few days and we had been having a good time, i loved having him around. Honestly, i got really lonely being here on my own. I didnt have him, i didn't have Randi or any of my other friends. I didn't wanna tell him that though. That day we were going to go watch a basketball game, id gotten the tickets a while ago because i knew it was a game he wanted to see.

"Yo, lets go man," i yelled at him from the door of my apartment. He was fixing his hair in the mirror in the bathroom. For a dude who was supposed to be all tough and shit he cared a lot about his appearance, especially his waves. He finally came out and i opened the door to leave.

We had to wait to get into the arena because the line was crazy.

"I told you we should have left earlier," i said.

"Chill, we'll get in soon," he said squeezing my hand which was in his.

"Man whatever," i mumbled, looking around at all the people. That's when i saw the people beside us, an older couple. They were looking at us like we had horns growing from our head or something. I scoffed and Trey turned to look at what i was staring at. This wasn't my first run in with openly homophobic people, hell i'd had things thrown at me by strangers before. But i doubted Trey had experienced this before and i wasn't sure what he would do or feel. I would have understood  if he dropped my hand or back away, but he pulled me closer to him and said,

"Can we help you?" to the man and lady. They looked shocked and both of them went as red as tomatoes before turning away. I smirked and looked at Trey. It was a confidence booster seeing him stick up for us like that, that he didn't deny me when it would have been easier.

"What?" he asked when i continued to look a him.

"Nothing," i said, but the truth was in that moment i realised i was dead ass in love with Trey, like i could really see myself spending the rest of my life with the nigga, and that terrified me. I let go of his hand and put my hands in my pockets. He looked a bit confused but didn't say anything.

The game was good and all and we had a fun watching but the day just went left after that incident. I knew it was me, i was acting off and he noticed. We barely talked on the way back to my apartment. When we got there he just packed his things because he was leaving that night.

"Well, i guess imma head out then, i gotta get home," he said, closing the duffle bag that was on the bed.

"I'll walk you to your car," i said, getting up from the bed.

At his car we paused and awkwardly kissed, then he got inside and that was that. I knew i shouldn't have left it like that but i was feeling overwhelmed, id never felt like this before, honestly never thought i would. The scariest part was i didn't know if Ty loved me back. I decided to go for a run instead of staying in my place so i could clear my head.

Ty

I had just gotten back in to town when my phone rang. I picked it up because it was likely work.

"Yo," i said.

"ey, its me," Cayden said.

"Was good my nigga? How that deal going?" I pulled up at the light and put my phone on speaker.

"Niggas aint have my money yet, im giving them one more day, after that i'm bout to bounce," he was moving stuff around in the back.

"Why you even give them another day?" I chuckled. "You getting soft my nigga,"

"Man, it aint even like that. I know dude."

"Aight, bet. What you need?" I asked, wondering why he was calling me.

"Go see Randi for me," he said. I should have guessed.

"Aight, but you know theres already niggas there watching your place right?"

"It aint that, i need someone to check if she need anything. That reminds me, pull up with food. Ice cream, saltine crackers, that's what she be craving," he said. Damn, i thought, this pregnancy thing sounded like a trip. Cayden was happy as hell though, and i was happy for him. I was pretty excited to be an uncle too.

"Man she be having you be her servant and shit huh?"

"You have no idea," he mumbled.

"Lucky i like your wife, i'll go."

"Good looking out," he said. "And yo, don't be having no smart mouth, she be all emotional and stuff cause of the baby."

"Ill be good," i promised with a smirk.

"Cool. I gotta go, catch you later."

"Bet," i said, then hung up. Well there went my plans to go home and crash.

It was around 9pm when i got all the stuff and pulled up to the house. I rang the doorbell and waited for a minute. She opened the door after a minute.

"Ty?" she said, surprised.

"Hey nugget," i smiled, walking in past her. She closed the door and followed as i walked to the kitchen. "Are you home alone? What happened to your friends?"

"I sent them home," she said with a shrug. "I was getting annoyed of having people fussing over me."

"Thats fair," i said, putting the bag from the store down. "Well your nigga sent me, made me get you shit too."

She opened the bag and pulled out the ice cream, crackers and some other stuff id gotten. She smiled which then quickly faded.

"What?" i said.

"Nothing," she said, all teary eyed and lip quivering. Well fuck. I stood there confused and not sure what to do. Maybe eating will help, i thought. So i went to the drawer and got a spoon. I handed it to her hesitantly. She opened the ice cream and started to eat it. She continued to cry while eating it. Wow Cayden had been right, but i aint even say nothing.

"I saw Cole today," I blurted. That was one thing i knew made her happy. That was her nigga. "He asked about you."

"How is he?" She asked around some ice cream.

"He's good," i nodded, "we went to a basketball game."

"Thats cute."

"It was until he started acting weird," i mumbled. She wiped her tears and sat down on the stool.

"What happened?" she asked. I barely even knew.

"Well i told some people off in line that were looking at us, then he got all quiet. But i don't know why he'd be mad that i stuck up for us," i shrugged.

"Did you ask him?" she said, passing me a spoon. I dug my spoon in and started eating too.

"Nah. I was lowkey mad that he was being pissy after i drove all the way there to see the nigga. He be confusing me. Dating girls was easier," i sucked my teeth. Randi laughed. I grinned, it was way better to see her laughing than crying.

"If its hard that means its the real thing. Just let him know you love him and move on," she suggested. My brows came together.

"We don't really be doing all that," i said simply.

"You clearly love him Ty. Why can't you say that?" She asked. I shrugged.

"Men," she rolled her eyes.

We ate more food for a while until it got really late.

"You should go to bed, doesn't the baby need sleep or something?" i asked seriously. She died laughing.

"I am tired though, ill probably go up," she looked at her phone for the time. "You can stay if you want."

"Thanks but i gotta head home, i gotta go do something later tonight," i said, getting up and stretching. She walked me over towards the door. "Hit me up if you need anything."

"I will," she said, leaning up to kiss me on the cheek. "Be careful tonight," she said, giving me a mom look. I nodded and stepped out. I got int my car and finally went to my house.

Randi

The next morning i woke up early to go to the florist. I wanted a nice bouquet because i was going to see Dr. Williams for a little bit in the hospital. My mom was coming along because they were friends, i was glad to have the company.

"Those are really nice," i said to a bouquet she was holding.

"I think so to. Lets get a toy or something for the baby," she suggested. I walked over the where there were cards and stuffed animals. There was a really cute giraffe staring at me, and i picked it up. It had these huge eyes and was so soft.

"You used to have a giraffe, one of your first toys, that thing was so dirty but you loved it," My mom said from behind me. I smiled. I could imagine me as a baby playing with this little guy.

"I like this one," i said.

"Ok, we can do the flowers and that," she said. I shook my head.

"Its not for her," I said. "Im getting it for myself."

"Ok," she said confused, but picked up another toy. "ill go pay."

I smiled and went to go pay for the giraffe. This was the first thing id ever buy for my baby, i hoped he or she would like it.

"Thank you for coming by Randi," Dr. Williams smiled big. She was holding a little pink bundle in her arms.

"Of course. Im so happy for you. She's beautiful," i said.

"You'll be holding your own soon. Want to practice?" She asked, moving the bundle towards me. I was nervous for some reason. Not like i hadn't held babies before, but id never held one while i was several months pregnant myself. I hesitated but she practically shoved the baby into my arms. I held the baby in my arms and looked down at her, heart racing. To my surprise she was alert, eyes fixed on me. God, those eyes. Id never seen such pure love, and innocence, trusting anyone and everyone. For a second i saw a little version of my own eyes looking up at me and my breath caught in my chest. But i blinked and it was gone.

When i got back home i went up to my room to lay down. Cayden face timed me shortly after and he asked me what id done all day. I told him id gone shopping and saw Dr. Williams.

"I got something today, for the baby," i said, blushing. He smirked.

"Lets see it," he said. I lifted up the giraffe to the screen.

"His name is George," i said. He chuckled and i giggled.

"I love it," he said. I paused for a moment.

"She let me hold her baby today," i said, looking down at the toy. "She was beautiful Cayden."

"I bet she was," he said.

"Yeah, but for a second...i didnt see her...I saw our baby," i whispered. I was surprised he even heard me. He cheesed and i laughed a little. I probably sounded insane.

"What did he or she look like?" he asked.

"It was a boy," i said, pausing to think back to the moment "really small, but fat cheeks, curly hair like yours," i smiled, getting a little emotional. It was joy though, not sadness. "your mouth, but the eyes, where like looking at myself."

"Damn, he sound like a good looking nigga," Cay said. I nodded.

"He was," i murmured, running a hand over my belly. "I cant wait to meet him."

"I know, me too," he said.

We talked a little bit more then said i love you and goodbye. I wished he was here to hug me right now, but he wasn't, so i got into bed with the little giraffe and put it on his side of the bed.

"There," i smirked. I turned the light off and went to sleep.

[onceuponamirror]

It's crazy to me that your % is that low? Your fics are pretty popular. I didnt realize the problem was that bad

honestly i have it pretty good all things considered!!! i am very lucky and pleased to get the reviews that i do, and i know that my average is pretty solid in comparison. 

but that’s kinda the point i’m trying to make, so i’ll explain thoroughly about how i got those readership numbers.

i’m sorry this is dumb amounts of long and is depressing and has math in it (ew)

so—as a freelancer, i run my own business, so i’m in the habit of keeping track of simple numbers and statistics. 

and i’ve been struggling to put into words the frustration i feel (as well as similar feelings i know other authors have as i’ve spoken to them about it) about how reader engagement—especially when the platform is fandom, of which the whole purpose is fan engagement—never felt in line with readership counts, etc. 

and i couldn’t really express it, ironically, without feeling just really confused about what the “industry standard” was, more or less. is what i’m feeling valid, because these are actually low comment numbers? am i just late to the game on how it works? does this feel high? is it low? what’s the average? 

i’m very annoyingly one-track-minded and a weepy ass emotional person so i decided i needed some statistics to confirm or deny what i was feeling. so i started doing some math, to have some facts. 

i used to work retail, and one of the things we would track is conversion. 

as in, how many people come into the store that actually buy something? and/or, how many people come onto a fic that leave a comment?

to do this, the process is: number of sales divided by number of people who came in. so if 300 people came into the shop and 75 people bought something, the conversion would be 25% of people were buying.

in our case of fic, let’s say a story has 1000 hits and 50 reviews. think this is pretty generous example when it comes to fic, but the conversion would be 5% of readership “bought”/commented.

so first i went looking across a few different fandoms to get a sense of this. i found a oneshot—from a couple years ago, granted—that had currently 17k hits……..and 27 reviews. SEVENTEEN THOUSAND. 27 reviews. (that’s the number without author replies)

goddamn!!!!!!!!! that is really fucking depressing. not even doing that math. i’ve got more numbers and they’re sad as hell, so at a certain point i stopped looking at oneshots, especially older ones. 

then i went to a long, popular, completed fic in the bughead fandom, which has what i think a lot of us would consider good review counts. 

conversion? approximately 1.7% overall. 

what about rereads, you might ask? sure! 

let’s say a completed, multi-chapter fic has 25k hits, and 500 reviews, not including author replies. this seems like a pretty solid, average number, right? possibly even unaverage. and we’ll be generous and say half of those hits were people rereading the fic twice. 

so 500 reviews at 12.5k hits is 4% of readership commenting.

now, let’s say it’s a third of readership rereading over time. 500 divided by 8333 jumps the number up to 6%

so, in the breakdown of per chapter, i can only do my own but—for example. as of right now, my latest chapter update on stealing home got 700 hits. as of now, 40 reviews. 

that’s approximately 5% of readers who read the latest update and then commented; 11% if i’m being very very generous and assuming all those people were actually rereads. but, i kind of doubt it. 

and 40 reviews!!! hot damn, that’s great. please, please, please, don’t misunderstand that i am incredibly grateful for every single comment, and again, i fully realize that’s a more generous number than many more deserving fics get. 

but again—that’s part of my point. 

it’s not perfect math by any means 

(and if you disagree with my numbers, please, anything other than basic math and i fall apart, so i could be embarrassingly off about the application of the equation and in which case i will eat my words. let me know if i’m wrong)

1. there’s no way to track exact hit numbers per chapter. i do it by just writing down the hit count right before i post a chapter, but obviously this isn’t precise.

2. because hit count isn’t necessarily even an individual person every time. but i googled this, because listen i’m nothing if not obsessively thorough, and ao3 does track IP, so clicks by the same person within a reasonable span of time only registers as one hit. 

            a. but again, those hits can count for rereading, over time

3. there’s a certain amount of shrinkage in these numbers, as ao3 doesn’t offer individual statistics like FF does.

4. on the other end, there’s also a valid amount of growth in a fandom like riverdale, which i feel like really swelled in size over the summer. but people still aren’t commenting on fics they may be reading retroactively.

because it’s not just my fics that i was tracking the review-to-hit ratio with; these numbers are pretty consistent, i’ve found. popular fics and lesser promoted fics as well. 

don’t get me wrong

i feel really lucky that my fics are p visible within the fandom, i do genuinely feel like they’re appreciated or at least being more or less well-received, especially because a lot of the reviews i get are so thoughtful and wonderful, and i am really pleased as punch about all that. 

and i’m personally not doing it for the reviews. i’m really not—i love writing, i love the storytelling, i find it immeasurably satisfying and i’ll keep doing it regardless. 

but it sucks, to be completely frank, to feel like you’re doing all this work and then shouting it into a vacuum. but you also know it’s not a vacuum, because you can see people reading it. you can see that it’s got hits. so then what? 

maybe you don’t know what to say. maybe you can’t muster the energy, or the time. maybe you didn’t like the chapter and you didn’t feel like leaving constructive criticism, that’s all okay. maybe you are one of those rare people who reviews later on, when you have time. 

maybe you’re a ghost with a wifi password. maybe you’re one of those people who doesn’t like to admit you read fanfic, which, hey, honestly i get. but the guest features exist and i know that you know it. 

really, there are plenty of factors. authors get it. it’s really, genuinely all chill, amigos, but that can add up, that’s all. 

and i promise you, it’s draining for the people putting out the content for you. we just want a little nudge so it doesn’t feel like said vacuum.

tl;dr

this is something that i’ve been thinking a lot lately now that i’m writing consistently—and at length, i spend hours and hours of my time on stupidly long chapters—and suddenly just feel….hyperaware of it all, whereas i definitely wasn’t before this past summer. and i’m hoping y’all weren’t aware of it either. 

i know i have a tendency to sound preachy so that wasn’t my intent, and frankly i kind of regret starting this math equation because it just made me more depressed, but hopefully idk, y’all find it as interesting and important as me. 

but i hope the takeaway is, regardless, review if you read it. 

[nie7027]

Super5 headcanons part 5

Minegishi sighed.

"For the last time I won't help you sell Shimazaki on ebay" minegishi stopped cutting the vegetables and turned to look at him with what in any other person would have been a raised eyebrow "I dont even think it is possible"

"Who would even buy him?" Shibata helpfully added from where he was washing the dishes "Besides world domination our friend... doesnt seem to be that useful for anything else"

Hatori stared when Minegishi just silently nodded

"I dont know! But thats not the point" grunted Hatori while shaking his head "it's time for some retaliation-"

"so your idea for retaliation...is to sell him on ebay?" deadpanned Minegishi. Hatori wasnt dumb, he could hear the snicker behind that flat expression.

"Laugh all you want!" hatori said pointing an acussatory finger to Minegishi "But I am tired of letting Shimazaki do whatever he wants with us without facing any consequence!"

"Are you still mad about the raccoon thing?" Shibata laughed and dried his hands to pat Hatori on the back " C'mon Hatori! It was just one rabies shot and the doctor said it was just in case "

Hatori flustered when this time Minegishi openly snickered "You got rabies shots? Arent you supposed to get those as kids?"

"why would i know? Do you even have yours?" hatori mumbled embarrased

This made Minigishi stop laughing "I dont know"

"Aha!" exlaimed Hatori completely forgetting his embarrasment to latch on this "what if that bastard decides to bring ANOTHER raccoon in here?!"

"He wouldn't-"

"Are you sure? Absolutely sure?"

At Minegishis lack of response Hatori exclaimed victoriously "See? And this is why you have to suport me on my plan!"

"Sell him on ebay you say..." Minegishi muttered while tapping the kitchen counter with his fingers

"You cant be seriously considering this Minegishi" Shibata said increduously "Have you lost your minds? We arent selling our friend on internet."

"Hes not my friend" hatori quipped

" And I never said i agreed on selling him on ebay" Minegishi continued "But Hatoris right and its time we put to some limits on him"

"YES"

"And thats why we should talk to him instead of THAT"

"SHIBATA NOOOO"

"Shibatas right"

"NOOOOOOO" Hatori cried miserably, victory had been so close "whyyy?

"Im sorry buddy but thats the right and mature thing to do" said Shibata not sorry at all

"Hatori stop whinning and go set the table so we can finally eat"

Minegishi rolled his eyes at Hatoris sulking form and finished cooking with Shibatas help

Once he entered the living room to place the finished food on the table he noticed Hatori glancing around dubiously

"Is something wrong?"

" I was just wondering if i should put another set. Is the bastard going to eat with us?"

"Speaking of which" called Shibata entering the room behind Minegishi with the last of their homemade food "Where is he?"

" i don't know" shrugged Minegishi " he was annoying me because he was bored and you were late and i told him to go and find something else to do before i choked him"

"And he just did as he was told?"

"I had to threaten him with starvation and not buying his cereal first but it worked"

Shibata hummed "He probably went dog sighting"

"Probably"

"How long was that?"

"Like 5 minutes before you arrived"

" Then it will be a while before he returns"

Minegishi shrugged again "I wouldnt worry about him"

They were hawlfway throught their food when Hatori noticed something In shimazakis makeshift cabinet

"Are those his glasses?"

Minegishi turned to where Hatori was pointing "yes"

"I thought he wore them always" shibata wondered

"I guess he did listen when I complained about dogs saliva on the glasses if he is indeed dog sighting"

"Im pretty sure he is" Shibata said confidently "Dog saliva? Really?"

"Yeah between that and paws stains on his clothes..."

"oh, i know! The first time was really difficult to get rid of the stench of trash but i found..." Shibatas words died in his mouth when he saw Hatori stand up to pick the glasses.

Minegishi stared confused "What are you doing?"

Hatori didnt respond and when he made his way to his forgotten backpack Shibata facepalmed.

"Buddy, no. Did you seriously bought those?"

Hatori turned around with a devilish smile on his face while clearly hiding something behind his back. "Well i actually never thought you would help me with the ebay plan"

Minegishi looked at Shibata with a look that said he clearly was expecting some kind of clarification.

"We passed a toy store on our way here and Hatori saw... something. I cant explain. Just show him already" said Shibata shaking hs head clearly dissapointed.

Hatori proudly revealed the things on his hands

It was two pair of glasses. One were shamazakis and the others were one of those funny looking glasses for disguises with crazy swirly colourful cartoon eyes that seemed to wink when moving around and stupid antennaes that ended in a pink cotton ball hanging from the sides.

It was the stupidest thing Minegishi had ever seen.

"You do realize he wont fall for this. Do you?" Minegishi deadpanned once again "He will immeditaley feel the movement of those antennaes"

"Have more faith in me" huffed Hatori while taking off the apparently removable antennaes making the glasses look a little less stupider, but stupid nonetheless.

Minegishi picked both glasses and turned them around. He had to give some credit to Hatori. He managed to find a pair with the exact same shape as Shinazakis and made with the same cheap plastic. They were perfect ...except for one thing.

"They don't weight the same" minegishi said raising the toy glasses. To be honest he wasnt sure, but it was an educated guess.

"You gotta be kidding me right?" Hatori exclaimed "who cares? He wont even notice that!"

Fucj this shit i quit

[momkiddies-blog]

New Post has been published on https://momandkids.fun/2019/03/11/chrissy-teigen-asked-for-pet-hamster-advice-and-the-internet-didnt-disappoint/

Chrissy Teigen Asked For Pet Hamster Advice And The Internet Didn’t Disappoint 

Chrissy had questions about her pet hamster — the internet had answers

Chrissy Teigen is only a few years into this whole parenting thing, but she’s already straight up nailing it. She allowed two-year-old daughter Luna to have a pet hamster, a thing I’ve vowed to never do in my home because I refuse to be the only one cleaning the cage, which is exactly how it would go. Trouble is, hamsters are a bit more complex than Teigen (or probably any mom) bargained for, so she took to Twitter to get a few things sorted out.

Like, why won’t this little thing stop nibbling its damn cage?

“Luna and I bought a hamster today. Her name is peanut butter. John is not thrilled, which makes me love her more,” she quips.

Luna and I bought a hamster today. Her name is peanut butter. John is not thrilled, which makes me love her more.

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 11, 2019

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Teigen asked Twitter for advice on how to handle their new family pet — because who even knew how totally baffling hamsters can be? Like, what do they eat?

They told us we can feed her anything. My mom said “rice?” And they go “no, not rice”

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 11, 2019

And you can’t…touch them? Alrighty then.

They also said “don’t really touch her for a week. Then touch her a lot or she’ll bite you” it’s very confusing, being a hamster mom

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 11, 2019

Apparently they’re not super great at cohabitating?

I said “should I get two so they can have a friend?” And the lady said no, one will end up with a lot of bully scars. So any hamster tips are welcome

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 11, 2019

They’re also pretty much the ninjas of rodents.

I just went to take a picture of her and I honestly can’t find her

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 11, 2019

OMG.

is this normal pic.twitter.com/CkBLm0G39Z

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 11, 2019

Once Teigen opened up about her hamster’s, um, quirky behavior, she must’ve gotten some chiding for the creature’s living quarters. She quickly put all concerns of Peanut Butter’s personal comfort to rest. This is one spoiled little fur-girl.

Please don’t feel bad for her. We got her everything and more and a giant space to roam in. If I had a safe enclosure for a hamster farm, i would have that.

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 11, 2019

Let the panicking and obsessing continue.

I feel like she doesn’t know how to drink out of her hamster drink thing. I keep showing her and i am starting to feel dumb

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 11, 2019

The internet was extremely helpful and reassuring during Teigen’s time of small pet confusion.

YES! My hamsters always do this when they're adjusting to a new cage! Maybe try putting some safe toys in there!

— ash (@assshhleeyyy) March 11, 2019

Hahaha yes, look pic.twitter.com/ks1MNF1ZWj

— Klout Alana (@AlanaCoo) March 11, 2019

Um I hope so pic.twitter.com/jWH5y0Bnws

— ezza (@ericamaartinez) March 11, 2019

Our hamster Jet. Agree on the touching. Give them time to adjust and then hold them every day. I was dead set against one and he’s actually pretty fun & sweet! pic.twitter.com/GAg4TxN54m

— Donelle Underwood (@donelleu) March 11, 2019

Also, this horror show is totally a thing and the real reason a hamster will never live in my home. When my cousin first started teaching, she got a hamster for her kindergarten classroom. She had no idea she bought a pregnant hamster and came in one morning to what I can only call hamster carnage. I will never as long as I live forget that phone call.

I had hamsters when I was little. One had babies and then ate the babies. My advice is don’t let your hamster have babies

— Katlyn (@ThatGirlKatlyn) March 11, 2019

UGH. Why, hamsters? Just…why?

I may still be traumatized from my hampster eating her babies. One was badly injured but still alive so I tried to put it out of its misery by offering it cough syrup. Turns out it wasn’t too interested in drinking the cough syrup and slowly died.

— Jessica Jamison (@NotTheRealJess) March 11, 2019

These little things do not mess around, y’all. But if anyone can handle cannibal animal craziness with all kinds of chill, it’s Teigen. She’s always extremely open about dealing with the ins and outs of pregnancy and motherhood. We also already knew she was very into her pets.

View this post on Instagram

bebes and pups

A post shared by chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) on Feb 26, 2019 at 7:04pm PST

But above all, she’s a loving momma to Luna and sweet baby Miles, so it’s no surprise that when her little girl wanted a hamster, Teigen made it happen.

View this post on Instagram

finally playing together!!

A post shared by chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) on Feb 7, 2019 at 9:21am PST

View this post on Instagram

hibernation

A post shared by chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) on Jan 6, 2019 at 3:25pm PST

Obviously she will do anything to make them happy.

View this post on Instagram

all this and u can’t even buy Aladdin on iTunes

A post shared by chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) on Dec 20, 2018 at 6:52pm PST

OK, maybe not anything. Probably best to get control of the one before adding to the Legend-Teigen ham-ily.

When Luna discovers that she can probably convince you to get another hamster & name her jelly. pic.twitter.com/5HFe2ph4Yw

— Steven Wine (@id6klub) March 11, 2019

The post Chrissy Teigen Asked For Pet Hamster Advice And The Internet Didn’t Disappoint  appeared first on Scary Mommy.

Source: Scary Mommy