#which hey they can absolutely go the route of sam choosing to let it go but that doesn't mean the problem is gonna go away

[autumnrory]

this season of ted lasso saying sam should forgive racists who vandalized the restaurant and  then you know, dropping anything to do with that storyline immediately afterwards

and the saying jamie should forgive his abusive father bc hating him apparently isn’t good for him or whatever

doesn’t feel great tbh

[thosetwistedtales]

SPARE NON-SPOILER DEATH STRANDING TIPS ANYONE ? ? ?

Hey fandom, this is something I’ve meaning to put out for a bit now but since some of my friends have started the game I figured no time like the present, so—-

Does anyone have any tips or tricks they remember from their playthrough of the game or have picked up recently that have made the game easier or smoother for them to get through? If you can think of any just add yours in the caption and let’s see how many we can get on one post!! @begitalarcos & @trcstfunded & @fourrarri here’s some of my own tricks, or lessons I remember from my playthrough!

You can take on more than one order at a time so long as you’re careful to not overload Sam and watch your time, especially if you’re going for a premium delivery. This can save time both in-game and time put into doing deliveries, you’ll have to use your best judgment on how many deliveries are do-able in one run, and account for not only what Sam can take, but the proximity of the delivery locations.

Kojima meant for this game at it’s core to be about building connections. TRUST YOUR FELLOW PORTERS TO HELP YOU! I know it can be tempting to load Sam up with extra ladders and ropes and pairs of boots but---- have some faith that the players that have come before you are there to help and want to see you succeed. I can promise you one of each is perfectly fine and you will NEVER use that extra ladder or rope you feel you must bring along in the name of JUST IN CASE. Why? Because of other players having already left behind their own paths and ladders/ropes along tried and true routes for you to use :). The worst that could happen is you have to backtrack a little and even that’ll be easier without any extra equipment on your back. Have faith in your fellow porters, they want to see you succeed.

Study the map before each run and PLOT YOUR FUCKING ROUTE ACCORDINGLY. Is there a river you’re gonna have to get across? Are you gonna be traversing mountains to get to your delivery location? Is there a MULE camp to avoid or territory you’re gonna have to run through? Plan for those things and expect them so you aren’t surprised when you walk upon them and can face whatever challenges they present.

 Make sure you allow Sam and BB to rest/sleep at each and every distribution center you find. THEY BOTH WORK HARD AND DESERVE NAPS OK. Not only does this recharge them both and prepare them for future deliveries but each distro center unlocks a bit more story, more BB memories. If you’re a stickler for finding every bit of story you can make sure Sam sleeps in each of the distribution centers, especially after you’ve located a new prepper or location.

Also, be sure at each distribution center that you fuck around and have some fun in Sam’s room!! You may think you’ve found everything to explore in Sam’s room but each new distribution center/chapter of gameplay unlocks potential extra scenes! Also read your emails and interviews and journals! Not only will this educate you on the game lore and often be the only way some of your big questions will be answered, but in regards to emails, reading them will often be the only way to unlock more deliveries from certain preppers.

Pay attention to how you pack cargo and your backpack! On his own Sam has the grace of a drunken dock worker SO pack accordingly. Balance is important so make sure you’re distributing weight evenly and pay attention to what goes where and the effect placement can have should you fall. Back should mostly be used for big pieces of cargo since its where most of Sam’s strength is. Sam’s suit has 4 points where smaller cargo can be attached and its worth noting should he fall the cargo on these will not shake off! The tool rack should be obvious and is mostly meant for whatever tools you happen to have (Ladder,Rope,PCC, small cargo). You’ll also have a utilities pouch! You dont need to carry Sam’s grenades and such on his back, thats what the pouch is for). Early on you should be able to get away with auto sort but as you get further along in the game and deliveries become more difficult you’re gonna wanna figure out what works best for what cargo and get good at organizing things yourself, or using auto then checking and possibly reorganizing things as you see fit.

MAKE CONNECTIONS!! There is a BRIDGE LINKS option in your menu! USE IT. It’s basically a log of players/porters you have interactions with during your playthrough. It’s also where you can form STRAND CONTRACTS. It’s basically the equivalent of favoriting another player/porter and increases the likelihood of their equipment and structures making an appearance in your gameplay which increases your odds of being able to give them more likes and them being able to find and like your structures as well!

Recycle and drop used/ruined cargo! There is absolutely no reason to ever lug around any extra weight than absolutely necessary. You can either drop it or, if you’re just that diligent and against being a litterbug you can take it to a waystation or distro center to recycle which gives whatever material is left back for future fabrications.

Find each and every prepper and waystation you can! Not only does this uncover and fill in more of your map but it also increases bandwidth for building structures and well as open up more deliveries to increase your porter grade. Porter grade IS important because it’s how you upgrade Sam physically and make him stronger and more durable (Being able to hold his breath longer, increase his stamina gauge, better his balance and decrease his risk of falling)

Be sure you are working toward increasing your connection level with different preppers and waystations! Not only does this increase your porter grade and connection level with individuals but each connection-level unlocks rewards! Some of which will be equipment upgrades or blueprints I guarantee you’re gonna want (hint: THE JUNK DEALER)

Note the difficult passages on your journey and what would make getting through them easier because as you play you will receive equipment later that you’re gonna want to remember these locations for. However when building structures always keep in mind your bandwidth and make sure whatever you build is useful and going to get a lot of use!

BTs are not as terrifying as they’re made out to be. Yes discretion can be the better part of valor however do not panic if you get got by a BT and find yourself in a battle with a catcher or hunter BT. They are beatable with enough time, patience, and ammo, or you can always choose to run away from them as all you need is to leave the tar area to escape. Either way, keep your wits if you’re faced with BT’s, they aren’t as scary as you think.

TAKE THINGS AT YOUR OWN PACE & HAVE FUN. Whether that means focusing on each individual till you reach max connection before continuing on, or if you wanna focus on the story first! There is no wrong way to play Death Stranding as it was made with the journey in mind to be the important aspect of it. And hey----

Tagging these peeps for their insights cause I’m sure you all will have more to add to this!! @chiralcrystallization​ , @team-trash-panda​ , @savage-rhi , @tineidaelux , @argetlam007​ , @deputyrhiannonhale​ , @ramadiiiisme​ , @maskedprepperkid​ , @goldenbridgessss​ , @nemodoren , @hiiggsmonaghan​ , @idontfindyouthatinteresting​ , @higgs-the-god , @twirlingsmoke

[ofstarsandvibranium]

Save A Spot For Me

Fandom: Marvel (College AU)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

As requested by anonymous: Bucky Barnes x reader where he always saves a spot for her in their one uni class and everyone noticed and ships them

You: sooooo...here’s the thing..

Bucky: late again.

You: yup. save a seat for me?

Bucky: of course

You: 😁 thanks!

Bucky shakes his head with a fond look on his face. He pulls open the door to his next class, one that you share with him. When he entered the lecture hall, there were already a few students in their preferred seats. 

Bucky made his way to one of the middle rows, choosing a seat for him and then proceeding to place his things in the seat beside him, a place for you. As he dug out his supplies for the class, his buddy, Sam, waltzed into the room, heading straight for the seat next to Bucky, the one he was saving for you. 

As soon as Sam grabbed for Bucky’s bag, he was stopped, “Hey, hey! Woah! That’s Y/N’s seat!”

Sam snorted, “And where’s Y/N right now?”

Bucky shrugged, “Said she was gonna be late.”

Sam shook his head, “Snooze, you lose!” he proceeds to move Bucky’s bag to the floor and sits in the seat that was preserved for you.

The brunette frowned, “You couldn’t have just sat in the other chair beside me?” with a shake of his head, Bucky moved his things to the other chair next to him. He then pulled out his notes and began to read the content from last lecture. 

Soon enough, more and more students began to file into the hall. Whenever one would come up to Bucky, they’d ask, “Y/N’s seat?” to which he’d give them a sorry look accompanied with a nod. However, many didn’t seem too upset. Oddly enough, people would smirk at him or give him a knowing look. 

“Why are people looking at me weird whenever I say that I’m saving a seat for Y/N?”

Sam chuckled, “Probably because we can all see how much you like her?”

Bucky scoffed, “What? No! I-I don’t like her! We’re just friends!”

“Mhmmmmm, keep tellin’ yourself that, man,” Sam gave a looking showing that he was unconvinced by Bucky’s words. 

Bucky frowned. He opened his mouth to retort, but was interrupted when Professor Coulson entered the room. His mouth shut immediately and he picked up his pen, ready to take notes. 

____________

You absolutely hated living off campus. Well, no, that’s not entirely true. Living off campus meant you didn’t have to deal with the RAs, campus police, annoying floor mates, sharing bathrooms with 50+ people, etc. You had more privacy, a bathroom you had to shared with 3 people, and amazing roommates. The downside was not having the convenience of being closer to your classes. Instead, you had to take the bus to campus and the bus was never reliable. Like today. The bus driver decided to take a different route to the college than the usual and it’s going to make you late. Again! This will be your fourth tardy to class and you’re really hoping Coulson doesn’t rip you a new one in front of everybody. 

At least Bucky said he’ll save you a seat. He’s a nice person like that. A nice person with gorgeous blue eyes, a beautiful smile, soft chocolate brown hair-UGH! Get it together, Y/N! You can’t crush on your friend like that. Was he a friend? You don’t really hang out outside of class. And you two usually only text about school. Maybe he’s not a friend then. But you’d like to be his friend...maybe more. 

The bus finally arrives to campus and you mutter, “Finally!” under your breath as you practically hop off the vehicle and run towards the lecture hall. You’re twenty minutes late. 

You head towards the back door of the lecture hall, slipping in as quietly as you can. You look down to see Bucky and you tip toe over to his row, whispering apologies to the students you pass. Bucky spots you and shoots a smile, removing his bag from your spot. You’re grateful that Coulson’s back is to you as he’s drawing a graph onto the board. 

Just as you’re about to sit down, Coulson calls out your name, “Y/N, you know the rules.”

Everyone’s eyes turn to you, staring expectedly. You sigh, straightening your form as you stand, “I’m Y/N L/N and I’m late because my bus driver thought it was a good idea to take a different route to campus, which made me twenty-five minutes late to class.”

Coulson nodded when you sat down, “Alright. Now as I was saying-”

You drown out Coulson’s voice as you hurriedly open your notebook to write down all of the notes he’d put on the board. When he begins to erase them, you open your mouth to tell him to wait, but Bucky’s hand lands on your arm. He scribbles down something at the corner of his page. You lean in and read it:

Don’t worry. You can copy my notes later. ;)

Your shoulders deflate with relief and you mouth, “Thank you,” to him. 

He shrugs and mouths back, “You’re welcome,” then goes back to writing out his notes. 

After class, Coulson calls you up to his desk and you feel yourself tense as you approach, “Yes, sir?”

“So, I hate to do this, because you’re actually a really great student and you’re doing so well in my class, but I do have to give you a warning that if you’re late again, that’s an automatic absence.”

You nod understandingly, “I know, sir. I don’t mean to be late, you know. It’s just the bus-”

“I understand, but why doesn’t your boyfriend give you a ride?”

You look at him confusedly, “Boyfriend?”

“Barnes,” he says with a smirk, “The guy who always saves you a seat and secretly gives you heart eyes whenever you speak up in class?”

You honestly didn’t know what to say to that, “O-Oh, uh, Bucky and I-”

“Babe, you ready to go?” you look to the door and see Bucky’s head popping in. 

“Uh, yeah?” you say unsurely. 

He nods, “Let’s go then! Sam and Steve are waiting for us so we can head to lunch!”

“O-Okay!” you say and shoot a nervous smile to Coulson, who’s practically beaming at you. You wave at your professor and exit the lecture hall. 

You then frown at Bucky, “Why’d you do that? Now he thinks we’re dating!”

He chuckles, “You make it sound like a bad thing.” you follow him as he continues to walk towards the cafe, “Besides, you don’t wanna embarrass the guy, do ya?”

You snort, “Why not? He embarrasses me all the time!”

“Which is you fault, by the way,” Bucky says with a pointed look.

You feign offense and point a finger at him, “It’s not my fault and you know it, Barnes!”

_______________________

The day after that, you get to campus early, as you told Bucky via texting him a selfie of you on campus. He proceeds to send you a selfie back showing you he’s already at the hall with a seat saved for you. 

He waits patiently as you make your way over, doodling in his sketchbook yet another picture of you. So deep into his doodling, he doesn’t notice one of his classmates settling in the seat next to him, until another classmate from behind speaks up. 

“Hey, blondie! You better take a different spot! Barnes doesn’t like anyone else sitting next to him other than his tardy girlfriend!” 

Bucky grunts in dismay when he realizes Brock Rumlow, the campus asshole, is speaking. He looks over his shoulder with a frown, “Shut up, Rumlow, before you dumb down everyone’s IQ!” he then turns to his classmate with a sorry expression, “Sorry about him...Sharon, right?”

She nods, “Yeah, and sorry. I didn’t know this was Y/N’s seat. I usually sit up front, but my neck is starting to hurt since he’s been using the overhead lately. I’ll move down a seat.”

“I really am sorry.”

She shakes his head, “Don’t be. I think it’s cute that you do that for Y/N. You really like her, huh?”

Bucky feels his face start to heat up, “Well, uh, yeah.”

“You guys would make such a cute couple. You should ask her out! In fact, bring her to movie night that my sorority is holding for the school! It’s a thriller movie so if she gets scared, you can hold her and stuff.”

He nervously chuckles, “Yeah, I’ll, uh, I’ll think about it.”

“I hope you mean about the movie and not asking her out. Because you should definitely do it,” she sends him a wink and then moves down a seat. 

A few minutes later, you burst into the room, earning a few playful hollers and applause from some students. You take a bow and then continue to climb the steps towards your seat. You carefully place a coffee cup onto Bucky’s desk, “Here.”

He takes it with a scrunch of his nose, “What’s this for?”

You settle in your seat and gave a shrug, “I mean, you save me a spot for every class. You don’t have to, but you do. So thanks for saving me the effort of looking like a dumbass for searching the room for an empty spot.”

“You’re welcome, but it’s not a big deal.”

“Still. I wanna thank you.”

“While I appreciate the coffee, maybe you can thank me another way?” he then slaps himself on the forehead, “Wait! I just realized how that sounds and that’s not what I meant!”

You throw your head back with a cackle, “I didn’t think of it that way at first, but now that you pointed it out, yeah, it sounds wrong.”

Bucky groans, “Sorry. Sorry. Anyway, what I meant was that...maybe you wanna...go on a date sometime?”

“S-Sure!” you say surprisingly. 

“Great!” Bucky says with much relief, “I hear there’s a movie night comin’ up. Wanna go?”

“I heard it’s a scary movie so I’ll definitely be covering my eyes for most of the film, but sure.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll hold your hand and protect you if need be,” he says with a smirk. 

“HALLELUJAH! PRAISE THE LORD!” a booming voice echoes throughout the lecture hall. All eyes land on Sam, who’s standing on the other side of Bucky. He cups his hands around his mouth and hollers, “LADIES, GENTLEMEN, AND THOSE IN-BETWEEN, JAMES BUCHANAN BARNES HAS FINALLY ASKED Y/N L/N OUT!” students from all over the room burst into applause and cheers which makes you and Bucky want the ground to open up and eat you both. 

[storiesbeyondthestars]

Let’s talk shipping *insert sarcastic yay here*

I said that it was my personal belief that this season was going to lay the foundation for relationships. I honestly expected this season to be more character-driven than it was. There was actually a LOT of action, so it tooka bit away from that, in my opinion. I can absolutely see why they say they have a problem with too much plot (which I said in my first post about my s7 thoughts).

They did lay ground work for many potential ships, though none of them were overly successful in my opinion. These are the ones I saw:

Hunk/Romelle - Hunk was actively bragging to her about the lions and there was a bit of a connection there. I think this one was kind of tossed aside by...

Hunk/Shay - She tackles him into a hug, okay. This one was very obvious and very last minute. (Also they brought the whole balmera to earth lol RIP ocean tides.)

Keith/Shiro - same stuff as always with Keith wanting to protect him and clearly idolizing him, though seeing little Keith with older Shiro...yeah...

Hunk/Pidge - Some people could argue that Pidge choosing Hunk was super sweet and proof of this. I personally think it would actually be kind of cute if Pidge’s first crush was on Hunk, because who could blame her? That’s harmless.

Keith/Hunk - Keith being the most impressed with Hunk. Being so supportive and going with him. Yeah. I could see it.

Ezor/Zethrid - I can get behind this. Out of nowhere but hey, go be evil lesbian space pirates together. That’s fine. 

Krolia/Kolivan - I don’t even know what to say to this but Krolia told Keith ‘i’ll never leave you’ then left him for Kolivan (and the mission) so, you know. I mean, she spent like 20 years in space after leaving Keith’s dad so like, all the power to her?

I’m going to talk more about these three:

Keith/Acxa  This one I can see where it’s coming from but it’s still a little weird to me if this is the route they’re going for. Ezor and Zethrid certainly think that this is the case, so they’ve probably talked about the fact that Axca doesn’t want to hurt Keith before. 

There’s still a small chance that they’re related, though Krolia didn’t bring that up (though maybe she didn’t feel like she had to because there surely would have been some kind of flashback or flashforward to something). 

Outside of that, lets picture this from Acxa’s point of view: you’re in a welbum, probably think that you’re going to die there, then this Paladin saves her life, realizes she’s Galra, still thinks she could be a person, works well with her, turns out to be half-Galra himself, and is hot as shit. Can you blame her? I mean, come on. That side of things absolutely makes sense to me. 

Keith, less so. He saved her life once, and then recognized her. She saved his. Then she let him go and didn’t kill him. So he could be repaying that. The only other explanation I’ve got that would work from his side was if he saw something in the future. 

Though Keith’s reaction to the whole ‘love’ this being ‘let’s just fight’ is fucking funny and describes him so well. He’s not devoid of emotions, surely he would have shown something if this was the case? 

Oh well, she showed up at his father’s grave. She also decided to wear a crop-top jacket like him so yeah. 

I genuinely don’t like this, because outside of those moments there’s no development. 

Lance/Allura

Firstly I have to say, Allura having feelings for Lance is NOT a rebound by that point. Sam Holt went back to Earth and a month later, Voltron had vanished. The were gone for three years. Then in the flashbacks it said it was 4 years on Earth. So they’ve been traveling for a year. That’s a year to get over Lotor and develop feelings for Lance. It’s not rebound.

From my point of view, my opinion only, it is bad writing though. If there were more moments of them together, small little things like smiling at one another over comms or getting along during the gameshow or stuff? Then I’d be all ‘that’s fine’. 

It came out of nowhere though. No hints. No hints. Then feelings. What the heck? I hope someone can point out something I missed in my mass binging of S7 to fix this. Like, I can grasp the Keith and Acxa thing more than this one.  Lance and Allura definitely had more development in general, but in this season it’s not there until it is. That’s NOT good writing. That’s shoe-horning it in. Especially with Veronica teasing him.

(Though Allura entirely shedding off the title of Princess certainly does sort of put them on the same playing field.)

Look, Lance and Allura could be very cute together. They really could. It just isn’t written well this season. 

Keith/Lance

I actually did like their dynamic for the most part this season. Why? Lance didn’t feel useless here. Keith genuinely treated him like a space ranger partner. He didn’t belittle him for the most part. Not when it counted most. Their actions show an extreme amount of trust in one another. 

Lance shows no hesitation in calling Keith their leader, no hesitation in following his orders. When they were floating in space, their words were all cutting and terrible to one another. It’s clear that there’s some hurt for Keith leaving, which is totally fine. I wish they had actually addressed these issues more. 

I mean, in the gameshow, his reasons for picking Keith were arguably the sweetest (along with Pidge’s for Hunk). Leader, part-Galra, and the future? 

That’s really odd word choice right there people. Not to mention his expressions. He looks goddamn love struck.

In what world is calling someone ‘the future’ (when you’re not speaking in a sense of the children are the future) a platonic thing? Look, Lance can go with Allura in the end, but this boy is bi and Keith was his awakening. 

Of course, there was Keith being a little turd a few times. In the gameshow where Lance is sweet and then, for some reason, the host skips over Pidge and goes to Keith next? For some reason? Only for Keith to pick Lance. Look, maybe Keith was genuinely annoyed because Lance kept getting the answers wrong so he was being a shit. It happens. I don’t think so thoug. They thought they were picking someone to save. Either he trusted that Lance would be able to do something to get them out, or he wanted to save Lance. 

Optimistic side of me: Keith had a gay panic when he heard what Lance said.

Pessimistic side of me: Being an ass.

A weird in-between part: Keith’s been alone with his mom for two years and became worse with social cues.

Honestly, Lance looked all dreamy-faced when Keith picked him until he realized what he said. I think maybe that Keith’s aloofness was a bit off-putting to him, since he was getting over his heartbreak over Allura. It’d make sense that he’d jump on the fact that Allura might like him.

Keith’s other moment with him was when he said ‘don’t miss’ and I think he was teasing but it came out a little rough. The thing is, we know Keith didn’t mean it because he still ran forward as the distraction. He KNEW Lance was going to succeed. 

It’s not much to go on but the trust is still there. The delivery is rough on Keith’s end instead of Lance’s now (two years away will do that to you). 

Shiro/Adam

...I am so sorry that this fandom got Dumbledored. 

Look, I am super happy that Shiro is canonically gay. That’s amazing! People can point to him and say ‘he’s amazing in every sense and he’s gay’ without hesitation.

Except, you could look at those scenes and think that they were, in fact, just roommates. The only reason we know this isn’t the case is because we were told. This is the exact same thing JK Rowling did with Dumbledore. Mind you, in her case it was after everything had been published and she got her paycheck for it. Small, barely there hints and then verbal confirmation. Dumbledore was a super-respected person and yeah it’s great that he’s gay. 

So why couldn’t you show it. I sincerely doubt that they’ll go into depth about it in S8. If they do I will be surprised. 

There’s...no way I can even make headcanons about what they were like together. I’ve seen more of Keith/Acxa than this!

So that’s my point of view on ships this season. What does it mean? It’s all up in the air until the last episode of S8 but they left many different paths open. I am very curious to see where they take it, even if it means everything is completely open in the end. 

[jadewritings]

You’re More Than That Part 10

Author's Note: Okay guys, I need your help. I ended it there because I wanted yalls opinion. Should I switch it to Dean or keep it at Sam????? Very hard decision here!!!! (P.S. I realize this is so late lmao but)

Pairing: Sam Winchester x Reader, Dean Winchester x reader (???)

Word count: 1 , 466

Warnings: Hard Decisions, fluff?, idk let me know

Summary: An ex of yours drives you away. But, in doing so, you’ve stumbled upon something much more dangerous. You must decide whether to be on the streets and on the run or with the most dangerous of them all.

That morning, you woke up to an empty bed. It felt lonely without Sam there. But it also left you to think about previous nights. Last night was incredible. You and Sam had only kissed before and now, you'd gone all the way with him. Your fingers slide over your lips, remembering the way he kissed you. It was extraordinary how he made you feel. And you realized, you were falling in love with him and you couldn’t believe it.

You remember him kidnapping you, almost ending your life -twice- and then protecting you from Crowley. Him trying to kick you out then you choosing to stay and protect him. Them going to war with another mob. Memories invaded your mind.

You needed to find Sam to see if things escalated while you slept.

When you run out of the door, you run smack into Sam.

“Running away?” he asked sarcastically.

You replied with a smile, “It’s called ‘to be smitten’ because emotions hit you and knock you off balance.” you realized he hadn’t kissed you yet. Wasn’t he supposed to do that? Were you not a ‘thing’ yet?

You could have kissed him yourself. Men didn’t always have to be the ones who made the first move. Or you could have pretended not to care at all and go about your day but, instead, you hugged him. You brought him in close, wrapping your arms around his neck and resting your head on his shoulder, running your fingers through the back of his hair.

He didn’t hug back, like he was too stunned. You released him, afraid you’d done something wrong but the smile on his face told differently, “What was that for?”

You looked down at the ground, “I-I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

His hand came up to your chin, lifting it so your eyes met his, “Don’t be. I just wasn’t expecting a hug. I liked it, you’re a good hugger. I do have to leave again, sweetheart.”

You were saddened at the thought, “Where are you going?” you asked.

“I have some business to take care of.”

“Is this business with you and Crowley?”

“Y/N, I like you a lot, but I’m only going to say this once. If you don’t want to be involved in what my family does, don’t ask questions. Once you’re involved, there’s no way out.” Sam scowled.

You sighed, “Sam, I’m already involved. And maybe I don’t want out. Maybe I want to be part of the family.”

Sam’s frustration melted a bit, “Is that what you really want?”

You nodded firmly, “I want to be with you. I want to stay with you. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.” You blushed a little, you didn’t realize that those would be the words to shoot from your mouth.

Sam grinned for a second but then turned serious, “Well, let's talk about this when I get back, maybe over dinner.”

“Does this mean you want to take me out on a date again?”

“I wouldn’t call it a date. Just two people eating.”

You scowled, frustrated. Why does he deny the attraction? One minute he’s hot, the next he’s cold. 

“If you want to take me out you’ll have to call it a date.”

“Okay, fine.”

“Fine.”

And then he left. You huffed onto the bed. You didn’t know what to do now. You could follow Sam, see what he’s up to. You could follow John and see what’s going on. But, at last, you decided on just getting something to eat rather than stick your nose where it didn’t belong.

When you entered the kitchen, you saw Dena sitting and eating a sandwich.

“Hey, shortcake. Ya hungry?”

“You have no idea. It’s been a crazy morning and I just realized I haven’t eaten anything yet.”

“I hear that. I needed to replenish myself. How about I make you a sandwich?”

“Oh, thanks, but you don’t have to, I can make my own.”

“Please, allow me. If it weren’t for you, my brother might be dead.” He stood from his seat and grabbed the bread, “What kind of sandwich do you like?”

You thought for a moment, “I think I’m in the mood for a grilled cheese.”

Dean smiled, “You’re in luck! I make the best east of Mississippi.”

You gasped in fake surprise, “What’s your secret?”

“I make sure the cheese is melted perfectly.” He laughed.

“Isn’t that what everyone does?”

“Yeah, I guess. Actually, I think mine are the only ones I’ve ever had. So, nothing to compare it to but they’re still good.”

You take a bite of the sandwich and it’s remarkably delicious. 

“You know, I wouldn’t expect anyone here to owe me anything. I just did what anyone else would’ve done.”

“Trust me, shortcake. What you did proved your loyalty to us. Even Cas was impressed, and that’s saying a lot.”

You’d forgotten about Castiel. “Castiel?”

“Yeah. Maybe he won't be such a jerk to you anymore. But don’t worry, you’ve got the Winchester family’s protection now. Even Pops was impressed with you.”

You were deep in thought, “You guys are all really close aren’t you?”

“You know what they say, blood’s thicker than water.”

“So that’s true for your family?”

“Absolutely.”

“I guess that makes sense with all your family’s been through.” you smiled.

Dean’s eyes widened, “What did Sam tell you? Did he tell you the business?”

You glared at Dean, “ No, but Sam just got shot. And you all act like it’s just another Tuesday. So I’m gonna take a really wild guess and say it’s the norm for your family.”

Dean’s eyes dropped, that statement seemed to sadden him, “Yeah, unfortunately, it’s not too out of the ordinary. But we’re gonna take care of Crowley.”

“What are you going to do?”

“That’s family business, which we don’t discuss.”

Jeez, no one was willing to give you an inch huh?

“Well, can you tell me more about yourself?”

“You wanna hear about me?” Dean scoffed, “Yeah, I don’t buy it.”

“I do..” you drifted off. What’s the point? Even though you may have earned their respect they still didn’t trust you. Sam has been on and off but Dean was always an open book. Didn’t hurt that he was sexy too. Dean ripped you from your thoughts.

“Why? So you can find out more about Sam?” he looked hurt.

“No. I want to know more about you. I said nothing about Sam in that statement.”

Dean's eyes lightened and he smirked, “Okay, first, you have to tell me something you like about me.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, you could go the seduction route, but that might hurt Sam, or you could go easy, more of a deeper level of flattering. You decided the latter.

“Your personality.”

“Ugh, that’s what girls say about ugly guys!” he pouted.

“You’re definitely not ugly, ya dummy. I meant you have a great sense of humor. Girls love that stuff!”

“Like I’m an actor or something? Like, I’m entertaining?”

“Yea, kinda. You just don’t take things too seriously. You’re fun to be around.” you replied.

“I can be serious, ya know. Just like Sam.”

You shook your head vigorously, “Don’t change. Serious is boring. I like you just the way you are.”

“Okay, I’ll take that as a compliment. You passed the test.”

“Ooo, yay! What’s my prize?” you giggled.

Dean thought for a moment, “You can ask me some personal questions now.”

“Do you enjoy what you do?” was the first question on your mind.

“What, you mean the family business? It’s okay. I get to spend time with the family and I wouldn’t want to do anything else.”

“You’re always so honest with me. Thank you. It’s so refreshing.”

“There’s no reason to lie. Especially when I’m attracted to you.” and at his comment the blood rushes to your cheeks. You knew if it came down to it, it would be a tough choice to choose between the brothers.

“But what about you? Do you find yourself attracted to me?” Dean asked.

If you told him what you really thought, you’d might end up having some naughty nights with the man. Sam was always running off while Dean always looked after you.

“So? What do you say? You think we can move it up a level past ‘friends’?” he asked, impatiently. 

•Part 11•

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[amwritingmeta]

12x19 Deconstruction: Part I - The Reunion Exchange

Hello, you lovelies! Man, what a day. What a rush. What a high! All of Friday I was smiling like a damn fool, I was, literally, giddy, barely able to sit still, much less concentrate on anything that did not have to do with the glory of The Future. (See what I did there?) (I know you did, you clever minxes.)

I would love to do a scene-by-scene deconstruction of this entire episode, and I will continue to dip into it because it’s just too good not to do so, but for now I’ll talk about Those Two Exchanges: the Reunion and the Mixtape. 

Before I begin, I just have to give an honourable mention to the recap sequence of the episode, ending on Dean saying “Welcome back, sweetheart.” What an incredible way to set the tone for the underlying sentiments of what we are about to see. Kudos to whoever edited that together.

The Reunion Exchange

So, Sam and Dean are in the War Room, discussing Kelly Kline. Here, the scene action and the brothers’ dialogue provides us, the audience, with exposition pertaining to…

a) Sam - as the Lord of Research b) the brothers are still looking for Kelly Kline c) time is becoming an issue, as in it’s running out d) they don’t know how they’ll handle the situation if they do find her

Enter - Cas. And they have the following exchange:

Cas: Hello. Sam: Hey. You’re alright! Where’ve you been? Dean: Let me rephrase that for Sam - where the hell have you been? And why have you ignored our phone calls? Cas: Where I was the reception was… uh… poor. Dean: No bars? No bars. That’s his excuse. Wow. Cas: I was in Heaven. I was working with the angels. When I saw Dagon had captured Kelly I thought they could help. Sam: And? Cas: Nothing. Sam: Well, at least you’re back. We’re glad you’re back. Dean: Really? No, I’m sorry, okay, ‘cause while you were striking out in Heaven we had a shot at Dagon, and we lost. Cas: …I know. I received your messages. Dean: Oh, you did-you did receive the messages? Okay, that’s good. Sam: Dean. Dean: So, not only were you ditching us, but you were also ignoring us. That’s great. ‘Cause we really could’ve used the backup. But you were too busy with - what was it? Nothing? Cas: Dean, I— Dean: What the hell’s wrong with you, man? You know, whatever - that’s… Yeah. Welcome back. Sam: Dean.

Now, this dialogue is written like a piece of music, each character presenting a different part of the melody and, honestly, it’s fucking perfection.

Cas offers up one of the most intriguing components as we, the audience, almost immediately are made aware of the fact that he is lying to Sam and Dean. We know it wasn’t his idea to contact the angels, he didn’t think they “could help” - Kelvin appeared in his path, the angels reached out to him, so straight away we can tell something’s clearly off here. However, his regret is honest, and we know this because we know Cas, and whatever he’s doing, he’s doing it out of love for Dean for these two men.

Personally I was terribly happy that he was so upfront about having been in Heaven. I was worried they’d try to have Cas lie about it, dragging his working with the angels out into this great big deception that would ultimately be what turned Dean away from him, bringing on that separation that so many meta-writers, myself included, have been speculating about, a separation that is still, possibly, inevitable. But more on that in another post. I’m very pleased they didn’t go down the Deception and Separation route. Then again, there are so many things to be pleased about in this episode, so let’s move onto:

Sam. (Getting his researcher-mojo on at the beginning: I like.) Sam is immediately relieved and happy to see Cas, glad that he’s okay - just as he’s been certain for the past few weeks that Cas would be okay. He’s been reassuring Dean that this is the case and hasn’t been getting involved in the search to the same extent as we’ve seen Dean immerse himself, tirelessly trying to find out whether Cas is dead or alive. Sam’s lighthearted attitude continues throughout the scene, not only to counterweigh Dean’s frustrated anger, but to show the complete opposite in how the brothers relate to Cas through how differently they’ve related to his going missing.

Now for Dean. Once his first look of abiding love, lit as though the very light of Heaven itself is shining down on him at the sight of the man he’s started thinking might actually be dead, never to return to him (I mean, do we not hear the Hallelujah choir in the background here?), he is absolutely pissed that this selfish, inconsiderate bastard strolls back into the Bunker with a “hello”, and some flimsy excuse about poor reception. This asshat who has had him worried out of his mind, looking everywhere for him, checking every obvious place that an unidentified dead body might turn up, and a few not so obvious places, too, no doubt. And then this idiot delivers the gut punch: he’s actually been with the angels, who have done nothing but screw all of them over. Again and again.

I commented earlier that Dean’s face here:

…has everything to do with his realising immediately that Cas is hiding something from him, and I believe it does, but the expression is twofold (as so many things on this brilliant show often are.)

After watching the sequence of events, which starts with this exchange in the War Room and lead up to Dean knocking on Cas’ door and realising he’s gone, I had a second impression: in this first meeting, Dean is way too wrapped up in his own anger to take stock of anything but how Cas, clearly, after everything, still finds it so easy to just up and disappear without a word. Yes, both brothers immediately know something’s up. The way Misha delivers that “Nothing” it’s so clearly a lie - because staying away for nothing is completely out of character for Cas - that even I would have noticed, had I not already known about the whole Joshua situation. But Cas' feeling “off” isn’t what this exchange is about, not yet, that comes later in Dean’s bedroom.

For now, in the moment depicted, well, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Dean wear this expression before. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this angry. At the mention of Cas chumming it up with the angels, considering how the rest of the episode shapes up (let’s count the callbacks to memorable moments in the DeanCas love story, shall we?) this particular revelation of Cas’ choices is such a callback to how Dean related to Castiel - and, especially, to Heaven - in season four, that I’m surprised I didn’t see it immediately.

This expression is about Dean thinking Cas is choosing Heaven over the Winchesters. Over him. That this is where it’ll end for them.

Dean even says it twice, that word that grates the most about Cas’ actions: Dean feels ignored. He feels as though he’s insignificant enough to Cas that the angel can up and leave and stay away from him like this, seemingly without even giving it a second thought. (Of course, Dean, you are wrong wrong wrong.)

How well Dean (more or less) knows Cas is also shown in how Dean goes into attack mode after the Cas-gone-back-to-Heaven revelation: Cas has just hurt Dean very badly and Dean is going to hurt him right back, by pointing out how his absence caused them to lose a fight that could prove pivotal to the greater scheme of things. Dean lets Cas know how his actions hasn’t merely failed the brothers, but their mission to save the world, and Dean knows how important fulfilling that greater mission is, has always been, to Cas; clearly more so than Dean could ever be. And so Dean’s lashing out. He can’t help himself. He’s been sidestepped and left behind too many times and he’s done with just taking it.

It’s also very telling, and, to me, hilarious, how Dean never balks at bunching himself and Sam into a “we” when speaking to Cas, meaning he expresses his private viewpoint, but can’t make the conversation so intimate as to actually label himself as an “I”, but when Sam dares do that in this exchange he gets this look from Dean:

...telling Sam in no uncertain terms not to presume he speaks for him when expressing happiness at Cas’ return. Like, how the hell dare Sam? Hasn’t Sam been present for all of Dean’s teeth-gnashing and gun-cleaning and waitress-distraction? This is fucking personal to Dean and if Dean wants to rip into this dickhead, then, by God, Dean will do so and Sam better stay the hell out of it. Of course, he’d also better be perfectly ok with Dean continually speaking for him and determining his viewpoint when using terms such as “we” and “us” when ripping into said dickhead.

This exchange and the following one between Dean and Cas in Dean’s bedroom gives me Brologue from 11x23 feels. The subtext is so strongly that of two people who love each other deeply, but don’t know how to tell the other, afraid they’ll get the wrong reaction, filled with their mutual fear of rejection. The biggest difference from 11x23 is, well, let’s cue the mournful cello and, if you’ll humour me, move into Part II: The Mixtape Exchange.

It’ll be up within the next hour, just fyi. :) x

[carey-pricemas]

Truth or Dare- Alex Nylander

Ok roll with me that Alex and Derek Grant are still playing with the Americans cause I think it works better. Ok? Ok! I hope this is what you had in mind anon! Enjoy guys!

Warning: truth or dare shenanigans!

Anon Request: Hey absolutely love your work! and I was wondering could you write one with Alex nylander where him and the reader are not really together but they have something going on and then they are playing truth or dare with a group of friends and one of them dares the reader to eat peanuts off Alex's lap? Sorry if it's confusing 😂😘

~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/

              You don't know how you ended up in this position, but here you were.

              You face inches from Alex's lap.

              Ok so you did know how it happened, but it was a long story.

              You and Alex had been best friends since you were babies. You had even remained close even when the Nylanders moved to Sweden.

              You were there when he was drafted by the Buffalo Sabres and when you snuck into his hotel room that night to talk, he kissed you.

              Since then neither of you had mentioned it, nor had you kissed him again.

              It was like a freak accident.

              But you wished it was more. You had decided to go the clichéd route and fall in love with your best friend. You thought that kiss might have meant something, but Alex acted as if nothing had happened and nothing had changed between you, so you followed his lead.

              When he moved to Rochester to play for the AHL team, you had switched colleges to be closer to him. You guys had been inseparable since, spending almost all of your time together and even leaving some clothes at each other's places for when you had late nights or were just too tired to leave.

              His teammates on the Americans had decided to throw a party one night, and Alex had decided to bring you along.

              You were having a great time and getting to meet some of the teammates he hadn't introduced to you yet, when it happened.

              Derek Grant announced that it was truth or dare time.

              "Oh no" you whispered.

              "I'll be fun! Come on!" Alex drug you towards the circle where everyone was gathered. You sat next to Alex, worry filling your stomach.

              This was going to end terribly you just knew it.

              You watched as other people were dared to do silly things, or really gross things (Derek should NEVER do a strip tease for Brady Austin again). Some of the girls chose truth, as well as some of the foreign players.

              It was actually hilarious to watch and listen to.

              Until Derek Grant turned an evil eye on you.

              "(Y/N), truth or dare?" You gulped and looked at Alex, who raised his eyebrows. You couldn't say truth because Derek would ask you the one question you didn't want to answer, but then again dare wasn't a safe option either.

              "Dare" you mumbled. God you were going to hate yourself for this.

              Why had you let Alex bring you again?

              "Yes! I dare you to...." he paused and looked around the room, his eyes stopping on Alex briefly. "Ok I got it! I dare you to eat something off of Alex's lap!"

              "WHAT?" you both yelled out together. Derek and the others laughed, one of the teammates getting up and going to the kitchen.

              "Yup! You're going to eat off of Alex's laugh. What'd you bring us, Bodie?"

              "I found some peanuts!" He handed the pack of nuts to Alex, snickering.

              "Don't even say it" Alex said, glaring at his teammates. He looked at you and gave you an apologetic glance. "What if she doesn't want to do it?"

              "Then I get to choose another dare!" The glint in his eye made you think he had an even more embarrassing dare planned if you opted out of this one.

              "Let's just do this" you grumbled. Alex sighed and opened the pack, putting a few peanuts on his knee.

              "Further back!" one of the guys called out. Alex sighed and moved the nuts. "That's good!" You sighed and eyed the small nuts resting on his thigh.

              "I really hate all of you" you muttered. The guys laughed as you grabbed your hair, pulling it back. You took a deep breath and leaned forward.

              Which was how you found yourself inches from Alex's lap.

              You eyed the offending peanuts and closed your eyes, gently picking them up with your teeth and chewing them before moving back to your original seat, your face bright red. The guys let out cat calls and hollered at you. The girls shot you apologetic looks, but didn't leave their eyes on you for long.

              "I'm going to go to the bathroom" you said. You stood and quickly looked at Alex, whose face you noticed was also red. "Alex can take my turn." You made your way out of the room and took a deep breath.

              That couldn't have been much more awkward then just answering an embarrassing truth question.

              "Hey" you jumped and looked at Alex, who stood behind you. "Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

              "No worries" you leaned against the wall and sighed.

              "Sorry about that" Alex gestured towards where the game was continuing. "I didn't know..."

              "It's ok. Not your fault." You gave him a small smile. "I think I'm going to head home though. I'm pretty-"

              "I love you" Alex blurted. You blinked at him wide eyed, not expecting that.

              "What?"

              "I'm sorry! It was my idea! I didn't expect you to pick dare though so-"

              "Alex" you interrupted. He looked at you. "From the beginning."

              "I kissed you that night in Buffalo and then you played it off like it never happened..."

              "That's because that's what you did!" you defended.

              "That's what Willy told me to do!" You rolled your eyes.

              "Your brother also isn't the smoothest with the ladies."

              "True" Alex admitted. "But then I was confused. Did you not like me? Did you like me? Cause I was head over heels for you and I just couldn't figure you out. So Derek was throwing this stupid party and I talked him into truth or dare because you ALWAYS pick truth and then you picked dare and screwed me up and so-"

              "Shut up, Alex." Alex immediately stopped talking. "Why didn't you just talk to me?" Alex opened his mouth. "And I swear if you say anything about Willy, I'll punch you." Alex closed his mouth. "Alex..."

              "How do you bring that up without ruining your friendship?"

              "By talking to me, dummy" you said exasperatedly. "News flash, Alex. I didn't push you away when you kissed me or make a big deal of it, did I?"

              "No" he said sheepishly. You rolled your eyes. Men.

              "Guess what Alex? I love you too."

              "Thank god." His arms wrapped around you and pulled you closer, pressing his lips to yours gently.

              "Alex?" you asked breathlessly as he pulled away. "Next time you bring your brother into our relationship, I'm KICKING you in your lap."

              "Noted."

~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/

Ok guys let me know what you thought! And yes I pick on poor Willy (I left his fashion choices out though which is more than I can say for Uncle Leo XD)! Up next: Sam Morin!

[dustydreamsanddirtyscars]

What do you make of Dean having so few kills this season & none since 12.11? At first, I thought the writers might just want to showcase Sam a bit. But now it's actually a pattern, where Sam or a guest actor get the big hero moments, never Dean. It really stood out for me in last night's episode, where Dean got to finally carry the Colt but Sam was the one who actually used it against 'both' bad guys. I'm hoping that it's not just Dabb's bias but that there might be a story reason behind it?

@suebsg9 said: I am just curious about your opinion on Sam getting another kill. Not that I minded Dean being victim especially to a god he did do a very good job getting out of the plastic wrap. And enjoyed what you had to say about the latest episode. I miss Dean getting big kills.         

Hey you two!

Hope you don’t mind replying to both your asks in one go. I thougt it would make sense, as they are about the same thing. :) 

While I am absolutely not convinced this may not just be due to writers/showrunners bias, I do think it should be considered a conscious pattern that will culminate in some sort of resolution with likely pretty painful and bad outcome. We have seen the pattern not just with Colt, but something similar too with Dean never getting to actually shoot the grenade launcher for example. So Dean being the one to carry the Colt (while still ultimately imo definitely not knowing the full story about how the BritMoL managed to get it in their hands in the first place - meaning he doesn’t know that Mary was the one choosing the gun over her sons lives) and not shooting it, imo may pave up to a moment in the finale where Dean will maybe fire the gun, but potentially not because he wants to per se.

I personally don’t mind Dean not getting “big kills” all the time. In fact I rather liked that Dean is showing in his very human measures and ability that he can be one huge force to mess with - even for a God. I find that to be much more powerful than if Dean just shot the Colt. The most iconic Colt moment will remain Dean’s Azazel kill anyway and that is kind of where I think the season is headed again loosely based on some of the vey loose spoilers circulating at the moment on the finale “with something disturbing and shocking happening”, the Js shooting some “scene with lots of past characters” that happens after the blackout of the ending of the episode or that the fandom will “hate Lucifer even more than it already does after the season finale” (this last bit annoys me most because it to me suggest we will still have fucking Lucifer - way overdone and boring and repitiive Lucifer in S13 *huge and long sigh* - please kill that character off, please!!!)

So what am I going on about? I personally could imagine that at the end of the season all of the Mary and Lucifer alignments may come together after all. There was a lot of focus on Mary as Lucifer’s vessel in the first half, so I wouldn’t be surprised if that got revisited. Basically I have like three different scenarios that I could see play out in one way or another or as a combination.

1) The finale will somehow feature Sam as Lucifer’s vessel again. But then Mary will intervene and offer herself up as her way to “make up for being the one to “start it all”. So Lucifer would skip vessels and with that of course torture the Winchesters in new volumes. Then I suppose Ketch may factor in into the story too and I could imagine him being the one to shoot the Colt expecting it to kill Lucifer, but of course we know that won’t work and therefore he ends up killing Mary. And after that possibly trying to do the same with Sam and Dean.

That is one possibility, but I rather think actually that instead of Ketch (who would factor in on this arc in some other way) Dean will be the one to fire the Colt, but not because he wants to, but because he is forced to do it by Lucifer or Daegon or someone else.

That would bring together the threads of Dean being shown to be forced to do things against his will by his loved ones as well as bringing in the Colt and Dean firing it in a new way. And I feel it would match the markers of “Lucifer being hated even more” if Dean was force to kill his mother and it would definitely count as “disturbing”.

2) I can see the scenario described above also imagine to play out not with Lucifer who possesses Mary, but Daegon instead, because that would bring the show full circle to the end of S1 when Dean has the Colt aimed at John possessed by Azazel and can’t bring himself to shoot him. It would make a whole lot of sense if they revisited that scene imo. I mean, I wouldn’t want that burden to sit on Dean’s shoulders to be the one to shoot Daegon and in order to kill her also kill Mary, but in reation to poetic symmetry it would absolutely work. And this time Dean would be able to pull through. And maybe then Ketch would shoot Dean, because he can’t be without Mary or sth. ;P

3) In a turnaround to the ending of S11 where Mary’s return was aligned with Sam getting shot, another possibility would be that this time a season may end with Mary leaving and Dean getting shot. Now, it could be that Mary is the one to do it. Whether accidentally while wanting to fire the Colt at someone else or because she is forced to do it by Lucifer or Daegon or hell, even, Ketch. I know there has been talk about death foreshadowing and while I personally didn’t get that vibe from mayn scenes, I guess one could say that if you saw those, this is what they may lead up to. Though if we talk death, I personally would always have thought rather metaphorical death in so far as Dean would rise as a more free person, but that’s a topic for another time.

So these are kind of the ways how I see the Colt and Dean not firing it could be revisited or tied up. Of course it is also more than possible that Dean will simply be the one to pull the trigger of the Colt when killing Ketch, but yeah, I’d prefer something less “blah”. ;)

In any regard and while of course the season finale spoilers are to be take with a bucket load of salt, I think this season could end with more than one Winchester death (which of course won’t be permament) and the scene that the Js talked about they filmed for S13 could be understood as a scene on Heaven.

All that said, there are two more thoughts that I have been kicking around in my head and one would be - though I am fairly certain they won’t go that route, because it would render the entire season “useless”, because nothing would have truly happened - that maybe at the end of the season it would turn out that Dean was in the Empty after all. But again, I don’t think the “it was all a dream”, would be something they’d do, because yeah that’s lazy and bad writing 101 and would basically confirm that Dabb had no clue what to do with this season and therefore pulled a 360 right at the end.

Much more than that though and this has popped up as an idea in a conversation with the lovely @lemondropsonice who propsed what if Amara returns? While I think it’s sadly wildly unlikely to happen, I have to say I would LOVE that, because wouldn’t that be just beautiful? For her to return, because she expected that giving Dean his mother back would heal him and make him happy, but instead it all just got a million times worse and so much got destroyed. I would love that because it would emphasize how much she actually care about Dean - she defintely seems to have cared about him a lot more than his actual mother does. So what if she returned and asked if she should “turn back time” and let Mary keep resting in peace? It would be a twist on the “it was all a dream”-scenario that I would be able to live with, if Dean was able to rememeber everything that happens and the development wouldn’t be erased from the Winchesters’ brains. Yet, it would undo nephilim problem for example and various other things.

Question of course would be if Dean would be able to tell her “do it” or if he’d plead for her to not do anything, that he may not be happier as she had hoped for him to be, but that he is glad that he finally knows the truth and that he values that more than living with a memory that was comforting at the time, but sadly never truly real.

Of course all of this and any of these scenarios would place major emotional torture and hardship on Dean that is beyond comprehension or may actually see him hurt badly or dying due to his family’s misplaced trust etc., but yeah I guess while endings like this couldn’t redeem how awfully executed and written this season was, it sure could show that maybe the showrunners and writers may have realized that they may have to do a better job in S13.

[type2diabetestreatments-blog]

Ask D'Mine: What to Do When You've Got No Insurance, No Money

New Post has been published on http://type2diabetestreatment.net/diabetes-mellitus/ask-dmine-what-to-do-when-youve-got-no-insurance-no-money/

Ask D'Mine: What to Do When You've Got No Insurance, No Money

Got diabetes and need some help? You've come to the right place.

Every week, we take reader questions and do our very best to be informative and helpful (and make you smile a little) here at our diabetes advice column, Ask D'Mine, hosted by veteran type 1, diabetes author and community educator Wil Dubois.

Send us your queries related to life with diabetes — nothing is off-limits here! (except of course specific medical instructions for your own care; that's what doctors are for)

Need help navigating life with diabetes? Email us at AskDMine@diabetesmine.com

It's tough times out there, and for proof, here's a pair of questions from the trenches that'll make you reach for the Kleenex box:

Steve from Minnesota, type 2, writes: I had my diabetes well under control a couple of years ago with an A1C under 6 once, and in the low 6 range typically. Then I lost my insurance and can no longer afford medical care. The critical drug that helped me achieve good numbers was Actos, but it's so expensive I had to stop taking it. Now my blood sugars are screaming high. I finally just quit checking because there's no point in knowing if it's 450 or 500. What to do?

Wil@Ask D'Mine answers: First and foremost, let's all sit down and have a good cry.

There. Anybody feeling better? No? Yeah... it didn't help me as much as I thought it would either. Next time, we'll all try Primal Scream Therapy.

So you're absolutely right: you can't afford your Actos. I checked with Epocrates and they show the "approximate retail price" ranges from a low of $193.48 per month for the 15mg tabs, up to a high of $239.99 for a month's worth of the 45mg tabs. Not exactly chump change. I'd also bet even though this was your "critical" diabetes drug, it probably wasn't your only one.

So what to do?

Naturally, I have a plan.

First, I want you to go on the Akins Diet. (Hey, I said I have a plan, I didn't say you were going to like it.) Don't worry, this won't be forever. But in your case, an as-close-to-zero-carb-as-possible diet is good medicine. For God's sake, your blood sugars were running in the 500s last time you checked! You're at risk for glucose toxicity at this point. Cutting the carbs to the bone is an emergency measure to try and save your kidneys from extinction until we can get your diabetes medicated into submission again.

Second, go here to find the closest Federally Qualified Health Center (FQHC). These are non-profit clinics that are subsidized by the feds and will see you on a "sliding fee" basis. You don't need health insurance. How much you pay depends on how much you earn. You may be able to see one of their docs for free, or for a very small co-pay. Get the next appointment available.

Third, and here's where it gets really good, most FQHCs are really well plugged into Patient Assistance Programs, called PAP in the biz. This is all you need to know about PAP: you can probably get your Actos for exactly zero dollars and zero cents per month. PAP programs are run by the Pharma companies and are actually pretty generous when it comes to helping out those who are uninsured and sorta broke. For instance, Actos is made by Takeda, which uses an annual income of at or below 300% of Federal Poverty Level (around $32K for a single person) to qualify patients for assistance.

Oh... but there's one other little thing I forgot to mention. There's... umm... ah... a dark cloud of sorts over Actos at the moment. Actos may, or may not, be the smoking gun in an increased risk of bladder cancer. The FDA issued heads-up warning about the drug in June of this year and within 5 hours the water was filled with sharks in suits. There're now dozens of law firms licking their lips and trying to line folks up for class action suits against Takeda. Late night TV is full of call us if you took Actos ads and there are gazillions of websites launched by law firms trolling for clients.

So... I dunno. The jury is still out on Actos—literally and figuratively. You'll need to talk to your new doc at the FQHC about whether the Actos is still the best bet for you at this point or not. But if so, remember that it'll take about six weeks to spool up to maximum effectiveness in your body, so keep on the Akins thing until the med is working again.

Bottom line, you'll need to take something for your diabetes, given how high your blood sugar is, and in your circumstances, the FQHC and PAP is the best way to get from where you are back to an A1C in the sixes. Whether you re-start Actos, or start something entirely new really doesn't matter.

So let's reserve the screaming for Primal Therapy and our politicians, rather than your blood sugar altitude.

Note: a fact often missed in the media is that not having insurance is only one problem facing PWDs in our country. Sometimes you can have insurance and still be in the same I-don't-make-enough-f*ing-money-to-pay-the-bills-and-keep-myself-healthy boat. Consider, for instance:

Janet from California, type 1, writes: I am a single mother of three kids in college. I have diabetes, I have insurance, however I can't afford the test strips, needles, and now 4 diabetic medications along with depression, high cholesterol, high triglycerides, and low vitamin D medications. I need to take care of myself but I cannot afford the co-pays. Do you have any suggestions? My A1C is 10. Now the doctor has added more testing and increased my units on Lantus & Apidra. I am ready to give up and just stop taking all medications. HELP!!!

Wil@Ask D'Mine answers: So I looked into it, and the cost of an average funeral in the United States is between $7K and $10K. According the Federal Trade Commission funerals "rank among the most expensive purchase many consumers will ever make." How's that for depressing?

My point?

Oh sorry. I wasn't being clear. I was just letting Janet know that she actually can't afford to "just stop taking all medications." She's a type 1. If she stops her insulin she'll die. And dying is expensive. And her three kids will have to drop out of college and spend the rest of their lives flipping burgers at McDonalds.

Believe it or not, Janet is actually in a worse situation than Steve is. If you have insurance, you can't get PAP. So that route is closed. Being underinsured, or being well-insured with an empty bank account is a special kind of hell.

But not to worry. Again, I have a plan. And again, it's not a great one, but it will do for now. So there are two approaches here, and we can mix and match them. The first is medical triage. Triage is just a way of prioritizing the most urgent needs. Remember in the old M*A*S*H TV show when the helicopters would bring in the wounded soldiers and the docs would dash out and figure out who needed to go into surgery right now and who could wait an hour or two? (Oh crap, now I've got the M*A*S*H theme music stuck in my head where it will haunt me for the next three weeks.)

Well, when times are tough, you can do the same thing with your health care—and I like to say "blood sugar first." Hey, at an A1C of 10 your blood sugar is cytotoxic. You're killing yourself in slow motion and the folks at the dialysis center are getting excited thinking of all the money they'll make off you (at more than $70K per year, that's better than seven funerals!). So in my mind, nothing else really matters if your blood sugar is a train wreck. That means insulin and test strips are the top priority. I wasn't clear if you were on anything other than the two insulins for your diabetes, but in a crunch, you could drop any other diabetes meds because it's more than possible to control your diabetes with the Lantus and Apidra alone. Ya just gotta take enough.

So using triage, you might choose to just take care of your diabetes for a while until you get it on track. Ignore everything else for a time. Will high cholesterol kill you? Yeah. Probably so. But it will take a long time to do it. Eat smart for a while to minimize your risk, but if push comes to shove you could back-burner the cholesterol issue for a year, or until your oldest kid graduates and frees up some cash flow.

Stopping your depression meds cold turkey can be dangerous, so talk to your doc about how to safely get off them if you need to. And so on and so forth. Only treating your most urgent needs during a financial emergency is a valid form of medical treatment called harm reduction. It's not the "standard of care," but desperate times call for desperate measures.

But, wait, maybe you don't need to ignore your other health challenges. Do I hear the thundering hooves of charging horses and the sound of bugles? I do believe the cavalry is coming over the hill to rescue you and it's... it's... Wal-Mart?!

OK, not quite the boys in blue that I was expecting.

Here's the deal. Open your medicine cabinet and look at your cholesterol med. Is it a fancy brand-name drug or an older generic? Rather than stop your cholesterol med altogether, talk to your doc about getting a prescription for a generic that you can get on the $4 formulary at Wal-Mart, or one of the other big-box stores. Meds for your depression and trigs are also available as generics. You can also get vitamin D supplements over-the-counter in bottles that are the size of rain barrels. And even if the generics aren't quite as effective as the fancy-pants name brand ones (and many are much closer than we've been lead to believe), it's still better to have some control over your cholesterol than none at all.

Now, on to diabetes penny pinching: One thing to check is whether your insurance has a preferred insulin brand. On the fast-acting front we have Apidra, Humalog, and Novolog. Frankly, it's the same as Tide, Cheer, and Gain. Hey, they really all work pretty much the same, and if one insulin brand carries a lower co-pay, so much the better for your wallet. Similarly, the basal insulins Lantus and Levemir are more-or-less interchangeable (there's more of a difference between them than there is with the fast-acting juice, but if you can save a bundle of money, then you can adjust).

Next, let's look at delivery devices. We all love pens, but many insurance companies will give you a lower co-pay on vials and syringes. If you're out-and-about a lot, it's hard to beat a pen of fast-acting to cover meals in public, but most of us take our basal in the privacy of our homes anyway, so using a syringe once or twice a day really isn't that big of a deal if it will help you keep the lights on, food on the table, gas in the car, and the kids in college.

And if push really comes to shove, depending on how high your insulin co-pays are, you can buy old fashioned Humulin-R, 70/30 mix, and NPH insulins at Wal-Mart under the ReliOn label for $24.88 per vial. That may be less than your co-pay. Speaking of ReliOn, I've been playing with their Micro meter recently and have found it to be remarkably accurate. The strips run twenty bucks for 50. Again, if this beats your co-pay, switch over. You should also Google your favorite test stip. You might be surprised. I saw Presto strips online at Amazon for only $14. Crazy!

Bottom line: just because you have insurance doesn't mean you always have to use it. Sometimes just getting out your wallet is cheaper than going through your insurance.

So shop smart. Stop (some meds) smart, if you must.

But don't stop all your meds. Oh, and my apologies to the funeral industry. I know times are tough for you guys, too.

This is not a medical advice column. We are PWDs freely and openly sharing the wisdom of our collected experiences — our been-there-done-that knowledge from the trenches. But we are not MDs, RNs, NPs, PAs, CDEs, or partridges in pear trees. Bottom line: we are only a small part of your total prescription. You still need the professional advice, treatment, and care of a licensed medical professional.

Disclaimer: Content created by the Diabetes Mine team. For more details click here.

Disclaimer

This content is created for Diabetes Mine, a consumer health blog focused on the diabetes community. The content is not medically reviewed and doesn't adhere to Healthline's editorial guidelines. For more information about Healthline's partnership with Diabetes Mine, please click here.

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