#which has got me thinking about the nature of grief and friendship and all that

[patchwork-crow-writes]

Grief Is

(Inspired by MyHouse.wad, so could potentially be a little spoiler-y. Perhaps go and experience it for yourself before reading on. Unless you don't care, in which case cool)

Grief is the phantom of a Discord ping, echoing through your head as you check again and again, hoping that this time they'll come back.

Grief is a two-headed dog that bays for your blood. Never resting, never relenting, it will not stop until it has you between its jaws.

Grief is a familiar world made strange and frightening, warping and fraying around you as you flail for something, anything, to break your neverending fall.

Grief is a robber that spirits your very breath away. Through black smoke and murky water, the very act of living becomes an unbearable ordeal.

Grief is wishing you could fall into a mirror, live another life, just for one last chance at something real.

Grief is a plane forever losing altitude, forever doomed to crash. It is at once unstoppable force, immovable object, and catastrophic impact.

Grief is a beach where time's corpse lies rotting in the sun. Caught in its snare, every instant asking what-if becomes its own eternal hell.

[queersekai]

SEKAI Bingo 7 (@sekaitransparents' 1 Year Anniversary Event): silly/funny OR flower meanings.

Chose flower meanings. Reasons for each one under the cut. The PSDs were made to match the flag, which were made based on colors of the flowers (because the original flags repeated the same color palettes and just put the flower on top).

Flags: Bluebellian (Ichika), zinnian (Saki), cireraean (Honami), irisian (Shiho), dandelinian (Minori), dahliaic (Haruka), daffodilian (Airi), lotusean (Shizuku), magnolic (Kohane), chrysanthean (An), sunfleurian (Akito), daisyan (Toya), peonian (Tsukasa), poppyic (Emu), hibiscian (Nene), lavendrian (Rui), hyacinthian (Kanade), pansyean (Mafuyu), marigoldian (Ena), and roseian (Mizuki)

Flower choices (usually when I say "and more," it means there's a negative connotation or one that isn't applicable):

Ichika: Bluebell, meaning loyalty, constancy, humility, and gratitude. Seems self-explanatory.

Saki: Zinnia, meaning thinking of you, remembering absent friends, and sentimentality. Considering Saki's return is what brought Leo/need back together, I thought it fit.

Honami: Cherry blossom, meaning (in Japanese flower language) transience of life, gentleness, and kindness. Seems self-explanatory.

Shiho: Iris, meaning (in general) eloquence, good news, light, faith, valor, wisdom, friendship, and a message. Shiho has (as of 20 November 2024) had two focus events featuring faith in the title, and Leo/need in general is about friendship. Also, White Day knight Shiho card (the 3* from the first set) gives me the valor vibes.

Minori: Dandelion, meaning overcoming hardship, faithfulness, happiness, and more. Minori is basically the poster child for overcoming hardship, given her struggles to become an idol.

Haruka: Dahlia, meaning elegance and dignity, among other things. Seems self-explanatory.

Airi: Daffodil, meaning regard, respect, self-love, and more. A bit more of a stretch, but the respect stood out to me.

Shizuku: Lotus, meaning purity, chastity and elegance, and more. Seems self-explanatory.

Kohane: Magnolia, meaning perseverance, love of nature, and nobility. Following Light Up the Fire, it was a Kohane event that showed Vivid BAD SQUAD persevering in their goal to surpass RAD WEEKEND. And then it was a Kohane event where they did that.

An: Chrysanthemum, meaning (in general) fidelity, optimism, joy and long life, "you're a wonderful friend," rest, and cheerfulness. I saw this and immediately thought Anhane (platonic but could be romantic too). I know she has a sunflower association already, but I used that for...

Akito: Sunflower, meaning adoration, pride, and more. Immediate Akito vibes from this.

Toya: Daisy, meaning (in general) loyal love, gentleness, innocence, purity, fidelity, patient endurance, and more. Tell me this isn't Toya, especially towards VBS and the Tenmas.

Tsukasa: Peony, meaning (in Japanese flower language) masculinity and bravery. I think it fits the new card, okay?

Emu: Poppy, meaning sleep, imagination, fantastic extravagance, and more. Ignoring all the negative connotations that were there, I got wonderhoy vibes.

Nene: Hibiscus, meaning delicate beauty. Nene was hard to come up with one for, so I went with something a bit generic.

Rui: Lavender, meaning love, devotion, and loyalty, among others. Leo/need can't be the only one getting loyalty meanings, alright? He's loyal to WxS and is deeply devoted to them.

Kanade: Hyacinth, meaning (for blue and purple) constancy, grief and sorrow, and, "Please forgive me." Seems self-explanatory given her father.

Mafuyu: Pansy, meaning thoughtfulness, merriment, remembrance, you occupy my thoughts, and, "Think of me." Mafuyu was another difficult one to come up with for, but I do think Kanade (and the rest of Niigo) occupies Mafuyu's thoughts, and Mafuyu can be thoughtful.

Ena: Marigold, meaning pain and grief, jealousy, and more. I know Ena has an association with daffodils, but this screamed Ena between her issues with art, her jealousy towards Mafuyu, and more recently with Where Does the Path of Thorns Go?

Mizuki: Rose, meaning (in general) love, silence, privacy, and conversations held in confidence. I mean... Where Does the Path of Thorns Go? Enough said, I think.

[tiredassmage]

veilguard thoughts!

rook + solas parallels edition

spoilery ofc because my head's not full of cotton balls today and i haven't stopped chewing on it all since i finished the game! so! this is a little endgame heavy; you've been warned for what's below the cut <3

the final first playthrough counter has come in just over 67 hours and i am all but physically holding myself back from launching right into another one with another rook because i had a blast. i'll concede it was a bit heavy on the exposition in the first several hours, but what followed has certainly won my heart, and i think the game is visually beautiful.

but i'm not even looking to do a full review here, but i think one of the most fascinating things this game did was set up rook and solas. so, two parts of preface then: one, i was a little determined to love this game and hoped it would at least perform decent. that's my spite about it, lol, but that's not the point, so we're not here about that. two, one of my admitted concerns when they had first announced this game having its own protagonist was... that i wasn't sure there was another person to finish solas's story other than the inquisitor, and this isn't a solavellan thing for me, though my beloved canon inquisitor is a lavellan. solas's friendship wasn't the biggest hitch in inquisition for me, but it was important to my inquisitor. he wanted to prove his friend wrong.

i don't believe hallaren had a plan at the time for how to achieve that. he wasn't sure it was actually possible to convince solas the dalish were not as lost a cause as he seemed to believe, but he had to try.

and when i started veilguard, i wouldn't say i'd have anticipated the parallels of solas and rook, nor how well they ended up working for me. i admit: they got me. i didn't see that twist coming. and the hindsight of losing varric from the beginning makes a lot hurt (i say that as a compliment). i think it's easy enough to explain why i didn't see it, why (my, at least) rook didn't puzzle it out, but i also readily admit i'm historically bad at seeing these kinds of things, so you're free to be amused on your own time, lol.

anyway. regret. not becoming what you hate, what you claim to fight against. not being beholden to what you were or what you've lost. the game hits these beats several times, and i think its a real beautiful repeating thing they've done if you hammer all the companion's stories with the main deal, and i did the memories of the dread wolf as well. rook and the inquisitor have a conversation about it that about touches on all of it way more eloquently than i could summarize.

and, of course, part of the reveal is solas did dabble with blood magic on the matter of varric's death, did set rook up for the level of regret and grief they must settle with to trap them in the fade - a prison fit for gods, a prison fit for a god's regrets.

and this is where i transition into blorbo-specific thoughts. because i think part of what fascinates and delights me so much about the rook and solas, potentially two sides of the same coin deal is how tyr's relationship with solas starts and then develops.

tyr does not trust solas from the outset. which i think is where a very interesting presentation of similar (at their roots) choices begins, as varric says: in a bar, as all good stories. one of the first story notifications we get is how rook chooses to handle the bar owner: charm your way out, or a more direct approach, and we're told varric takes note of this.

varric's own plan is an appeal to solas's nature. to talk his way out. as is varric's way.

normally, i'd call tyr the kind of character (having played with him as an oc in various medias for oh... going on 2 years, is it? maybe 3? time's fake, different post) to also prefer talking his way out. but he doesn't believe solas will listen. so he rebukes varric's plan of just waltzing up and charming him with his babygirl eyes.

then at d'meta's crossing, he spares the mayor. not because he doesn't hear the concern that the greedy bastard will fall to said greed again, and not out of an entirely conscious mandate for live with the consequences of your actions, but... in hindsight with other choices, i'd argue it's... from at least a little of that kind of place.

he tries and fails to reason with the first warden. several times. in the heat of weisshaupt, and with the recent conversation with solas about whatever it takes on his mind, he ends up decking the man. the stakes are too high for risking the first warden staying on his high horse again if another attempt at reason fails, is the driver of the decision.

i'd chewed for a while on how that would seem to make tyr's commitment to "talking things through" indicated by that first choice in the bar inconsistent. it all seems justifiable at the time, and he didn't get to the place with the first warden he was out of intentional malice, but he still wound up there.

much of that is natural by the circumstances he was presented. by making calls with the information and under the conditions that were present at the time, as anyone, not just rook, would have to do under such circumstances, if they traded places. sure, some of it is also by solas's engineering of his conversations with rook. by setting them up to be a leader asked to make those hard calls. maybe even for arguably goading them a bit into a situation where whatever it takes was their only feasible option. which neve has a great comment on:

this is, i think, most directly about varric's death, but also, personally, i have to say is applicable for solas's intervention during blood of arlathan.

so, back to blorbo for a moment. tyr begins from a place that mistrusts solas's motives. the I'm quoting you here, "lies, treachery, and rebellion" kind of mistrust. and then, as things progress, as the team unveils more about solas's past in the crossroads and through the murals, it circles back to what I think motivated much of his comment to varric that talking with solas wouldn't work: that even if solas has any regret for what's happened, he's too stubborn to concede, too trapped by the mistakes of that past to ever admit fault, to hear himself sound like the 'gods' he claims to despise. tyr continues to take solas's advice into consideration the whole time, true, because it's... hard to discount the only potentially close to the problem kind of advice and knowledge they don't... exactly otherwise have themselves. he's not sure what the other shoe dropping in that equation is going to look like, but he's more convinced it'll happen than he is entirely happy with the situation.

the murals create... a hunch. or develop it. that rather than just being too prideful about the harm he'll cause by tearing down the veil, that solas is trapped in this plan by his regrets and guilt for actions of the past. at that point, tyr... has a better understanding about how they got to this point, but it kind of only solidifies his reservations that solas might actually be reasoned with.

the one moment this is changed, then, is during blood of arlathan. because frankly i think that was one of the worst experiences tyr has in the entire game. elgar'nan's influence in their minds, and an incident where they're trapped with no conceivable way out and potentially facing down an archdemon again, not so long after weisshaupt that the losses have stopped aching.

whatever his reasons or motivations and whatever else happens, solas saves their lives. tyr can't find a way around that one, and he's not even certain he wants to. because it's one of the definitive moments where he didn't have a plan, and he was terrified the tables had finally turned against them, and they'd fail.

it's not... trust. but tyr's also spent all this time working with his team on this concept that change shouldn't exactly be beyond anyone if there's a little effort put in. and whatever his own feelings are, varric wanted to believe in his old friend, and so does the inquisitor - both people he respects greatly, and he's constantly calculating their desire for a better outcome into the rubix cube that is trying to figure out how to stop the gods.

the problem then, is that solas all but instantly takes advantage of this... lapse. this faint relaxation of tyr's guard against his manipulations. that whole little incident with the fade after ghilan'nain's fall is all but immediately after, and its a betrayal nearly thrice or so over in rapid succession: that varric's been dead this whole time, that solas has manipulated him and how he feels responsibility for the team and the regrets that arise out of having to make hard choices, especially in times like these, and then on the other side of the fade, that solas has gone to minrathous, solas is playing "hero" about it all in tyr's and the shadow dragons' backyard. and to add salt to the wound, in minrathous, it's been blood magic all along.

and, y'know. solas says sorry, says he won't tear down the veil by his own hand, but hands rook the weapon to do it for him. sets them up again. so maybe that's more like... four or five times, depending on your count and categorization of it all.

and rook has a choice about all of this to make, a certain level of peace they have to make with it all to even get out of the fade. and how much to follow varric's advice about don't become what you hate - what you were fighting all along, or trapped by what you lost.

here's tyr's opinion that solas has more than likely been beyond reason because he's too far gone on his own path to even see that he's done exactly that: that he talks like elgar'nan's control, he's just dressing it up in a different way. that he's trapped by what he's lost and sacrificed and admitting that will be too much.

and here's tyr's inescapable bitterness of having been betrayed, of having spent so long trying to be careful with the god of trickery only to have danced right to his tune the whole time. a fiery emotional response for a threat to his home, to minrathous that he's tried very hard to protect and leave a smidgen better than he found it in this whole fight.

by circumstance... and by a little of solas's own design then, rook and solas confront the same trouble of what sacrifice being a leader demands. what cost is too high? how much is too much?

i had the pieces at that point for the ending with mythal, but now i had tyr bitter and a bit more resentful about solas - in a kind of pain about betrayal that was still asking why? about it rather than worried about if regret was present or meaningful. which is where this came from in my head akdfnas;dfnsadf

you're both thinking it. and the endings directly focus on whether or not solas succeeds in tearing down the veil, but the thematic part of it, to me, was... do rook and solas recognize where they might be held back? does tyr act on the pain and resentment of betrayal and swing blindly at solas as repayment? or is it bigger than both of them? is it about posing the question to solas about regret? how much is it like what drove solas to this point to act on that resentment? is it just retaliation? or did either of them learn anything from that prison in the fade?

and that's what makes the parallel, and it's what sets them apart.

and that's how, still, in the end, i have tyr who is willing to choose trying to reason one last time. for the sake of the advice of an old friend. for the people that brought them this far, the ones who chose to believe against the odds. and maybe, even, a little bit for himself. a choice against letting regret and resentment rule.

for the sake of it and because i couldn't get this game out of my head, i checked out the other endings, just to see, and i... think i like sticking with convincing him the best for both of them.

the trick with the dagger swap i think is the only other fitting course of action tyr might've taken from that point, and i think some of its elements reflect similar beats here about... learning from the past, if you will.

the accusation of likeness to the gods is still there. the banter about wits. i am a fool who finally met his match. one might argue that's for underestimating rook, which... fair enough, but i think... it also falls in line with solas's regrets, the appeal to be made to his nature, the... want, in the end, to be proven wrong. to find a 'better' way, as once he suggested to the inquisitor, and as mythal's release from debt and rook and the inquisitor's forgiveness, if you will, finally allows.

and that is... very satisfying to have said between them, when it's been on tyr's mind the whole time. and... they can both be proven wrong this way: for tyr, that solas wasn't beyond listening, and for solas, that there was another way.

for both of them that they could move on from what these trials have made of them, what they have done, and what they endured.

and man... man that was good. and so, so satisfying. it worked, veilguard. you sold me on these two as parallels to each other.

and that's just... one of many things in this game that gave me a lot of emotions, but this has already been. a helluva ramble, so if you've made it this far, congratulations and i salute you, lol.

i'm sure i'll do it all over again and have even more thoughts about even more rooks to throw around and chew on with this and what it'll reflect about each of them and that's. MMM. that's delicious. i loved this game. if my brain and time cooperates, i'm sure i'll have more thoughts and maybe even some writings for it in the future, we'll see where the blorbos take me. xD

[thatscarletflycatcher]

can you tell me what your thesis is about if you're willing to share??

Hi!!! Yes, of course! I need to go over and over the description of this thing in order to turn in a precise and compelling project for the board (attempt #3 at finishing this cursed degree, here we go! *sobs*).

My area of interest has always been Medieval Philosophy, Metaphysics, Ethics, Virtue Ethics and Aristotelian Ethics-Politics. My very first attempt was writing something on Metaphysics (transcendentals) then Ethics Metaphysics (the role of intellectual intuition in moral reasoning in Aristotelian Ethics, Book VI of the Nicomachean Ethics)... Neither worked mainly because a problem when talking metaphysics is... well, there's few words to use and little to say and I have always been a very succinct academic writer (yeah, I know, but it is true).

When I reached acceptance about that XD I moved on to trying something about Aristotelian Ethics-politics. Alasdair MacIntyre is a key author in that area, and he's a favorite of mine because in agreement or disagreement he's thought provoking, he has a sense of humor, and he's a hater of the fun kind. I know it isn't proper to call or pick academic authors because they are fun, but hey, he is. He is a curmudgeonly old man (present tense: he's 95), who kind of manages to disagree with everyone because he hates being put in boxes, but he's also always been very willing and open to listen to other voices and change his opinions on things.

For example, the refinement and reformulation of many ideas between his After Virtue (1981) and his Dependent Rational Animals (1999) came (declaredly) through a reading of certain feminist theory, which brought to the foreground to him how little academic Ethics had focused until that point on disability and caretaking.

He's also always been a versatile author in the sense of breaching the barriers between disciplines for the purposes of philosophical inquiry -After Virtue has a great deal to say about Sociology, and Dependent Rational Animals talks a lot about dolphins XD.

I decided I wanted to write something about this guy, but I got stuck because if you are writing on an author specifically, alone, how do you manage to write something that isn't like, textbook regurgitation? Theoretically I know it is possible, but it was very paralyzing to me all the same.

Enter Elizabeth Gaskell with a steel chair.

I love Gaskell dearly for many different reasons. I love the way in which she writes nuanced, believable, textured characters. I love the treatment of grief in her work, I love the compassion she has for her characters, I love how she makes interesting, central, and natural relationships between parents and children. I love that she's versatile too, and that she saw writing as a vocation, and how she manages to talk about so many different things in a novel without making it come across as didactic or preachy. But one very special thing that has called my attention is her specific interest in communities, and community building through friendship.

Very often her "proposals" of "solutions" to social problems, specifically in her industrial novels, have been dismissed as the utopian sugary pap of learning to share and be nice of someone completely out of touch with reality, but I think those readings are fundamentally missing the framework that makes her ideas make sense and be solid.

As an aside, I feel like that ungenerous reading is kinda rich when Hard Times and its "imagination to power!" concept or Shirley and its marriage solution keep getting praise to this day. You know. It comes across as a bit double standard-y, if you ask me.

But back to topic, guess who did consider friendship, understood as the ties that unite virtuous people in the pursuit of the good for themselves and their fellow men, the very foundation of society, and mankind as essentially social, and therefore for ethics and politics to be a continuum? That's right, my boy Aristotle!

And to that, between other things, when talking about the Aristotelian tradition of Ethics Politics, MacIntyre adds teleological narrative as the element that frames and anchors virtue ethics in this scheme. What is more, he dedicates A CHUNK of chapter 16 of After Virtue to Jane Austen, and why he thinks she's "the last key representative" of this tradition (which has sprung a non negligible amount of scholarship on Austen and virtue ethics).

And I'm persuaded that Gaskell is a significant successor to Austen in this way too, and that the certain sympathy people often perceive between them comes from this aspect (because, in all honestly, it's clearly not about tone or style).

So that's the aim/core of my thesis: to present/analyze/contextualize Gaskell's work within the framework of the Aristotelian Ethics-Politics tradition as understood by MacIntyre.

Of course because I am, in Nelly Dean's description of Edgar Linton, a venturesome fool, this is clearly very ambitious, and I am making it worse for myself by doing things like harvesting circa 350 titles for a thesis that won't require more than 50 and that cannot be more than 80 pages long. The clown shoes can be heard from the other side of the world no this has nothing to do with the fact that I don't think I'll ever get a masters or a PhD where I might be able to develop this concept beyond a very summary overview of N&S and maybe Cranford and My Lady Ludlow if I'm lucky.

And that's how I should have sent something to my advisor three weeks ago (I haven't yet) and how I'm half agony half hope about the whole thing, because I'm scared and anxious and full on rowing through Nutella executive function wise. Maybe I should get a rubber duck.

[ellabsweet]

[*ੈ✩] 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐑𝐘 • 𝐄.𝐖

synopsis: ellie writes in her journal religiously, a foolish attempt at reconciling with her feelings and understanding what it is that happens to her particularly when she is around you

pairing: ellie williams x reader

warning: written in ellie’s pov as the entire story is told through her journal entries, if this is well received it might be a multiple part series, loads of angst and borderline emotional cheating

I saw her again this week. Or better yet, she saw me, and I don’t think I have ever dropped someone’s hand so fast as when her eyes glanced down towards mine and Cat’s intertwined, in the end that only served a purpose to make them both upset. She pretended not to have noticed me after that and deep down I couldn’t blame her for it, though it’s been nearly a month since our last conversation a part of us both know that a friendship shouldn’t experience something that feels like a break up.

Guilt is the second worst feeling I’ve ever experienced and still it comes pretty damn close to grief. Sometimes kissing Cat I pretend that it’s her instead, eyes shut from all reality it’s almost like I can shift her taste into whatever I imagine hers to be instead and in the moment it feels too good for the guilt to settle in, it feels like home. Which is a shame, in the end, because this is about me not deserving that comfort. I remember Cat had to stop me, push me off her to catch her breath with a laugh and she looked me starry eyed to say she’s never felt me so into her before. The strawberry in my lips turned to poison so fast. She didn’t know. Didn’t even understand why my face fell at the comment, felt the need to tell me it was just a joke but we both knew it wasn’t.

Cat is easy. Easy in a way that borders boring which means it’s safe. Life is hard enough as it is for me to keep having these impulses towards devastating gut wrenching love, the kind of love inevitable with her. I told her once when we still liked to pretend we were friends that she was something of a tornado, like this force of nature so inevitable to everything else that sweeps up everything off the ground, and she was so offended. Like I’d said she was destructive. But she is. I haven’t given her the opportunity to abandon me and still it has broken my heart to glance at her across a room and not run straight to her arms, not be the one making her laugh. It’s been too long since I’ve heard the laugh I would bottle and save to get drunk on hard days and now can’t even treasure for good ones.

To be loved by her, though I guess it may be pretentious of me to assume she loved me, was finally coming up for air, was watching a meteor shower, is probably the closest I’ve ever gotten to the moon and understanding what it is to moon over someone, she personified my astronaut dreams and I am a stupid asshole who keeps dropping things on Earth because they’ve got new found gravity. I miss floating and I hate all the things I’ve crashed on the ground, sometimes I’m not sure who’s shattering the most without her. (I do. It’s me. I’m taking this metaphor too far.) But she would hate me if she knew. I thought I had lived long enough as myself so I could find her but not having died for the cure only means I never get to have her, not fully, not if she knew. And I wanted her to know me. More than I wanted her to just love me, which is terrifying. That’s why we can’t be.

[dracomort]

One of my favourite things about Bluebeard is Draco’s unprocessed grief for his parents. Him imagining his parents having tea in a different room of the Australian mansion and pretending they’re sat behind him at Christmas js hits me in the feels, and also leads me to ask how would Draco process it eventually? How long would it take him? Has he come to terms with it by the time of The Diadem?

His unprocessed grief was definitely one of the things that stood out to me once I switched to Draco POV for Bluebeard and got into his head. It's a uniquely difficult experience for him. No one in the world has experienced what he has, and he can't confide in anyone other than Tom, lest he be thought insane or risk causing some sort of time paradox (at least... a bigger one than he already caused by spilling the beans to voldemort). He can't even be vague about 'a death in the family' or whatever because he isn't exactly mourning their deaths... since they will likely still be born in the future. It's the loss of the people that they were to him, closer to mourning a parent with dementia, I suppose.

And on top of that, Tom is about the least sympathetic ear possible, since he is quite confident that dead parents is ideal. If Draco's parents weren't dead/pre-birth, he'd prob suggest offing them anyway. That murdering his father did, in fact, not cure his deep seated resentment and abandonment issues is another matter.

I would say that grief comes out predominately when Draco isn't as close with Tom. As Tom is the only one who actually knows his past—and is, even unintentionally, the kind of person who elicits intense personal connection by nature of his personality—Draco develops a real emotional dependency on him to meet his needs for friendship, family and romantic love. All of his eggs are in one basket, so to speak, which is why the loneliness, guilt and misery in Bluebeard Chapter 3 hits him far harder than it would have if he'd still had his support network in place. To not have a single person in the world who has his best interests at heart is a foreign experience to Draco and very upsetting. It's also yet another thing that Tom can't understand as he has never had a support network. The contrast between the effects of similar traumas experienced at critically different ages is a whole other topic though.

Draco is an excellent compartmentaliser—arguably to his own detriment—so rather than process his grief, he shoves it down and ignores it, bar those occasions when his isolation is impossible to ignore. I think if Tom does leave England, even briefly, Draco will struggle to continue ignoring reality. He's the sort of person who uses social stimulus to numb negative emotions.

Lucius and Narcissa being born in this world will likely be the kind of comfort and closure he needs. He'd still miss them but it wouldn't be as severe. Now, if he's fucked up the timeline to the degree that his parents aren't born... that's when he'll actually have to come to terms with their deaths. Deaths caused by him.

[ghostatas]

Thinking about q codebreakers...

We all know phils got some angstry shit going on with elotes killing him, putting the scar on his skin nd not trusting him anymore. Wtoiles, on the other hand, has stated there's nothing personal about it and takes it lightly which makes me so UHHHHHHHH.

Because you have etoiles, who is surrounded by death everyday and THRIVES in it. It is his element, his nature to fight and COMPETE- he loves the adrenaline and rush that comes with it. For etoiles, it is all purely competitive fun and challenge- he plays for the game and the joy it brings him. That's also why hes against things like spawn killing and unnecessary griefing- it goes against moral code in competitions.

On the other hand though, you have Philza where death means losing EVERYTHING. Being on hard-core has hard wired into his brain to avoid and be afraid of death. But then here's his best friend and the person he would trust most with his back, stabbing him with no hesitation and even thinking much of it. Did he really mean that little to etoile, does the friendship mean so little to him? Idk just got me feeling man

[luxurychristmaspudding]

ON CALL! my fav frankie fic eva

maddieeeee!!!! hello my love!!!!!! thank you SO MUCH ily ily ily.

i've had the idea for on call for aaaaages, taken from the kings of leon song with the same name. it's such a simple sentiment - of being there for someone at any time, no matter what it is. at first it really was just babysitting, but the more i wrote in the very early days, the more they became people with a real fondness for each other.

which is how we got to a mini series! they were very natural characters to develop, and the loss bug has experienced is something frankie knows very well. it was so interesting and comforting for both characters to have things they struggled with that the other understood implicitly, which felt very special and sweet. it felt like a very gentle way to explore grief, if that makes sense?

as for the other chapter names - arizona was more for the vibe. just a slow, cosy night where they might look at one another and think - oh. i think i kind of like you. like a whisp of feeling that they'd look back on and laugh about, especially with the lyrics that taste/all i ever needed/all i ever wanted/too dumb to surrender.

mi amigo is a tribute to their friendship and how they lift each other up in so many ways. i have a headcanon that frankie is a big kings of leon fan, and i think he'd think of bug anytime he listened to that song, at any point in their relationship. it's very her, and it's cute to think of him wishing she had been around when he was younger, wishing they'd met sooner in some way, just because of the peace they bring each other. and also to imagine him a little flushed at the 'big old dick' bit before anything happens between them, and then how he'd laugh when bug hollers it at the top of her lungs in the car afterwards.

you and i is a tribute to their mutual love of fleetwood mac, and also because i couldn't decide on a kol song that fit the chapter. @jolapeno was a massive help with this one, so it's her i have to thank hehe. it's very simple, and feels like it really is just the two of them existing, which is the vibe i wanted to have.

as for the extras, they're also songs. super graphic is because bug would serve a fearful amount of cunt screaming 'fugly jeans' in the club, which frankie would find hilarious. weightless is by one of my favourite bands, and is actually written by a dad, talking to his son about his own dad. perfect - i had this sad idea that bug remembers the weightlessness of her dad at the end and then how she feels weightless to frankie, like he's losing her amidst the grief. and the immortals felt very much frankie and the boys. the open road, the path of greatness/it's at your fingers/go be the one that keeps on fighting/go be the stranger. just them finding who they are together, then hitting this older point where these lines feel pertinent: once you've had enough/carry on/don't forget to love/before you're gone.

the playlist for their whiskey night was also lovely to make. a lot of my stuff is music based, so it felt extra special to have so many people involved in what would be playing the night everything changes!

anyway. i've yapped way too much. if you want to know about the epilogue, let me know! ❤️

[magicalyaku]

Great, so apparently I read a lot in August, so now I have to wreak my brain to remember so many books. Thank you, past-me.

Ace Voices (Eris Young): My one non-fiction book of the year! I'm bad with non-fiction books because I should read them on paper and read them twice to grasp all the concepts which of course I won't do, so afterwards I don't really remember what I read. It took a bit to get used to the writing because it's very personal from the author's perspective, which is not how know my non-fiction books from the back then, but ultimately I liked this one for compiling a variety of different experiences about different topics from the aspec community, and especially to topics relevant to my own current writing. Might be a good ressource.

Wrath Becomes Her (Aden Polydoros): I've read pretty much all of the author's other books, with The City Beautiful being the my first and favorite. This one is his second best in my opinion. It's not a story to enjoy, because of war and death and grief, but it's very intense, an interesting idea and well-rendered. I only wish the author had written in his afterword why he picked that setting in the first place.

You Owe Me One, Universe (Chad Lucas): This is the sequel to Thanks a lot Universe, which I liked a lot. I think first one was stronger but there a themes that are better dealt with when a story and characters are already established. My memory is a bit wonky but I dare say this one is about change - growing up, changing family situations, friendships, can the bully become a better person and such. It's still pretty heavy in some parts while also idealistic in others. But really, if we're not idealistic in a middle grade book, then where else?

Brave Face (Shaun David Hutchinson): Oops, this being a memoir is actually my second non-fiction book in a year. I think it's the very first memoir I read at all. It was easy to read and to understand because it feel like a story with all the shit that happened. I guess, that's why some people have things to tell about their lives and others don't. It also gives a good insight why his books are they way they are.

Evergreen (Davin Greenlee): I waited 6 months for my copy of this! Was a real surprise when I suddenly got the shipping notice. Was it worth the wait? Hm. Not the first half. That was frustrating because my logic is different than the characters'. The protagonist was kept away by his mother from humans for his entire childhood and youth and how long it would have gone on, for safety reasons. But I think it'd be much safer to get a child used to the outside world where you have an excuse to hover around it as a parent and when something happens, because children naturally don't know things. Whereas when a 30-year-old man goes outside and embarasses himself because he doesn't know shit about humans, it's much worse. What did the mother think when she put a neighbor her son's age right next to his nose? Of course, he's going to talk to them. And don't be exasperated he fell into a pool when you didn't tell him the dangers! Just going on with "It's not safe" never helped anyone. Give them details! That was annoying. The second half, however, got much more enjoyable. One thing in the ending made me sigh because of course it had to go that route when there was another much more attractive choice right next to it, would have made the message stronger. But well. I do think the author has potential (and a lot of perseverance!)

Caught in a Bad Fauxmance (Elle Gonzalez Rose): Here's one I don't have a story about, so I have a hard time recalling what happened in the book. That's the reason I picked it in the first place, though, easy light-hearted read. I think I read most of this on the train to a convention, and I had a good time. Like "oh no, I should sleep a bit, but I want to continue reading because it's fun." And really, sometimes that's all we need, right.

Deke & Hat Trick (Fake Boyfriends 3+5) (Eden Finley): These covers absolutely don't fit what I usually read! Aah! 8D Explanation: I was sick in bed with a fever and the flu and needed something to keep the brain busy but not too complicated. Time for an audiobook, I reckoned. And somehow these were the only books my library had available that fit my tastes, I had not already read, or were too heavy. I have to admit, my expectations in these kind of books are very low, basically porn with a bit of story as decoration. So I was pleasantly surprised that they're actually not that bad. Nothing to win a prize, but they are entertaining, the characters are quite likeable, as is the writing and some of the more serious topics, like being gay in professional sports, are handled well (from an outsider perspective such as mine at least). After I finished Deke, I immediately put on the next one. And then, a day later I felt like I was being brainwashed and decided not to listen to any more of those (like ever). 8D Also, I still know nothing about hockey and don't want to know~

That's it for August. Expect the remaining reviews of 2024 in the remaining days of 2024. :'D

[samasmith23]

Why do fans hate Bruno from Ms. Marvel so much?

Back when I was still on Twitter and was reading Saladin Ahmed's run on Magnificent Ms. Marvel as it was being released on a monthly basis, something which really confused me was witnessing a fair number of Ms. Marvel fans talking about how they not only really disliked Kamala's childhood best friend Bruno Carrelli as a character, but even would go as far as to label Bruno as a "manipulative incel" and accuse his and Kamala's romance subplot in Magnificent Ms. Marvel as being "emotionally abusive."

Like... I've honestly never understood where these criticisms were coming from. Especially since I personally never got that impression of Bruno's character having read all 75-issues of G. Willow Wilson & Saladin Ahmed's initial runs. And while Ahmed did state in a tweet that the romance subplot between Bruno & Kamala was about "overcoming toxic pedestals," I still think a lot of the claims I've seen from fans that he somehow wrote Bruno as behaving like a manipulative incel or something is a massive stretch.

I personally took Ahmed's statement to instead mean that he was trying to convey that childhood-friendships-turned-teenage-romances don't always lead to the most healthy or naturally progressing relationships, especially one of them has an idealized version of the other even if both harbor similar romantic feelings for each other (which Kamala did for Bruno contrary to some fan claims).

And Kamala and Bruno both realized this and decided that even though things would always be weird between them, they should just "keep it weird but without the kissing" in Magnificent Ms. Marvel (2019) #15.

I always really loved this scene. Although I was personally a huge shipper of Kamala & Bruno as a couple, I honestly understood both of their perspectives about why they felt pursuing a romantic relationship together won’t work out them and feel they should just stay friends despite their feelings for one-another. Kamala acknowledges that she's not ready to commit to such a relationship since despite kissing Bruno she did so purely in a heat of passion when she was emotionally stressed due to outside factors like her Kree Stormranger Nanosuit negatively influencing her physical behavior to try and kill her nemesis Discord, as well as experiencing extreme grief and anger when her Abu dying in the hospital and receiving life-saving surgery and she was forced to go off and fight the supervillain Mister Hyde.

Conversely, Bruno realizes that the progression of his and Kamala's relationship has felt forced and unnatural due to him having an idealized version of Kamala in his head, and Kamala herself wasn’t ready to commit to romance due to all the hardships she was then-currently experiencing.

It's also worth noting that the worst thing Bruno did in Magnificent Ms. Marvel was briefly complain about them still not dating while on a trip to the state fair due to Kamala not being ready to do so despite previously kissing him, and angrily storming off (which he recognized was a mistake on his part in the very next issue).

But aside from that, Bruno never came across as particularly jerkish to me, since he never insulted or demeaned Kamala. And throughout Ahmed's run, Bruno was shown to be always willing to put Kamala's feelings and well-being into consideration. Whether it be helping her find her missing parents, comfort her when her father was dying, and saving her from being drowned by Stormranger.

Plus, it not like Kamala lacked any agency in their relationship, and she clearly held similar feelings towards him (both in Ahmed or Wilson's runs). And the fact that she and Bruno decided to simply remain friends felt very genuine and authentic to me when I read it.

So overall, the criticisms against Bruno always felt rather inflammatory to me, blowing the character's flaws wildly out of proportion to make him seem like the worst most unlikable irredeemable person ever.

I honestly just don't understand the outrage towards Bruno among other Ms. Marvel fans... I really don't...

[ash-and-books]

Rating: 3/5

Book Blurb:

A beautiful and unputdownable story about love, friendship, and the ghosts that grief can leave behind, The Other Ones is a heartfelt, contemporary romance with a haunting twist...

Salem Amani is a world-weary sixteen-year-old living with his mother and older sister in a haunted house. But all Sal really wants is to be ordinary, which is hard to do when you live in a house full of ghosts. And when a strange boy arrives on his doorstep asking more questions than he’s at all comfortable with, Sal’s efforts to be ordinary are put under even greater strain. Until Pax makes his offer: “I could help you with the hauntings...I’m good with ghosts.”

But despite his initial dislike of Pax, Sal can’t help but find himself unexpectedly drawn to the boy. And as the two grow closer, and Pax offers to help Sal scare away his ghosts for good, Sal finds himself sinking deeper into a lie concealing the truth about his family.

When the true nature of the “hauntings” is revealed, Sal must confront reality – or risk losing Pax for good.

Review:

He lives in a haunted house yet finds himself falling for the strange boy who appears at his doorstep. Salem Amani is a sixteen year old boy who lives in a haunted house with his mother and sister. He is a half-Egyptian boy who lives in a small English village... and then he meets Pax, a strange but endearing guy who is obsessed with the supernatural and wants to dehaunt Salem's house. This was a very autumnal slice of life young adult book that deals with friendship, grief, and a bit of romance. It's got a cozy setting and the book just feels like a nice fall read. The plot was really slow though and the characters just felt a bit meh overall. I think it's an alright read and definitely has cozy vibes, but I would just say it's cute and fine. It's a good read for anyone who wants an easy simple autumn read.

Release Date: August 20,2024

Publication/Blog: Ash and Books (ash-and-books.tumblr.com)

*Thanks Netgalley and Scholastic | Chicken House for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

[ahamkara-apologist]

3, 4, and 10 for Marcie and Aeris on the character asks?

The siblings!!! Love my sun and moon siblings

3. What is your OC's financial status? Are they just scraping by, making enough to live comfortably, or wealthy? Has there ever been a drastic change in their status? If so, what happened?

-Well, since Aeris and Marcie both share a glimmer bank and have the same weakness to going moneyblind when something they really want becomes available...the answer is 'it depends', but usually not a lot. Both of them really really want to save up as much glimmer as they can, but then a new gun comes up at Xur, or a pretty ship or ghost shell, and then ooo, there it goes again...

Amusingly, they're the two that you'd expect to have all the money, since Marcie is a Crucible champion and Aeris is the literal Young Wolf, but between Aeris's paranoia/FOMO and Marcie's love for fun ornaments, ships, and ghost shells- well. Let's just say that there's a reason why Aeris is so fucking sick of spicy ramen, and it's not because he abused that lifelong ticket of his willingly XD

4. Does your OC have a failed friendship or relationship they still think about? What happened? Is it an unresolved regret or is there a chance for reconciliation?

-Apart from the incident with exposing Petrichor to their memories in the Deep Stone Crypt, Aeris just has the typical woes of being autistic and fitting into society about as well as a square peg in a round hole, but Marcie's would be Cayde and Amanda. For Cayde, it's more that she never really got to say goodbye + was so stricken with grief that she had to send Aeris to hunt Uldren down (something that she still feels guilty/weak about), but for Amanda, it's entirely because of the whole debacle over Crow. Marcie may be a spitfire, but she understood that Crow =/= Uldren from the get-go, as well as the fact that Cayde never would have wanted Crow to take the blame for a dead man, so she was one of the first to vouch for him after Aeris brought him home from the Tangled Shore. Unfortunately, when Amanda found out who Crow used to be, she'd gotten pretty fond of the fucker, so it led to a huge blowout fight between the two of them. Neither of them were on speaking terms when Amanda got herself blown up because both were too stubborn/prideful to admit they were wrong, and it's something that Marcie regrets deeply

10. Is your OC sentimental or pragmatic? Do they keep mementos or only what they need to survive? Have they always been this way or did something happen to make them change?

-Aeris is very pragmatic, and really only keeps his work items: aka, armour, weapons, and a couple of sparrows/jumpships. He has a few items that he's very attached to, but they're pretty much just his bows or a couple of knives- him buying new guns is more of a nervous habit than actually wanting them, and he'll turn around and dismantle them just as quick. Marcie is the much more sentimental one, and the differences between their apartments is honestly pretty staggering. As for whether or not that's in their nature: for Marcie, it's most certainly an inherent trait, whereas Aeris's is more of a holdover from his time with his father pre-rezzing that became such a habit that it carried over even after his memories got wiped. Yusef used to be very fond of reminding him that he only survived because he was generous and kind enough to take him in and care for him, so to spite his father, Aeris used to just...not keep anything. It kept Yusef from having another means of controlling him by reminding him that everything he owned technically belonged to his father, which eventually just manifested into Aeris only growing attached to either bare essentials that he could justify needing via his work, or small things that he could easily hide in his clothes/gear

Send me OC asks!

[calliethetrekkie]

Triumvirate Prompts: Day 5

(Prompts Link)

#5. Favorite platonic duo?

I love all the duos both platonically and romantically (some more than others but still), but I guess for this one I'll go with these two:

It is criminal how underrated Kirk and McCoy's friendship is. It is always so hard for me to find content of them, at least in TOS, in any sense and it sucks because their friendship is so freakin' good. I could write a whole essay about them... and I'm actually working on one but I'll give the abridged version here.

I fell in love with their dynamic the minute I started watching TOS with The Man Trap. Kirk teasing McCoy about his old girlfriend, the natural chemistry between them and their actors, their professional relationship that can cause some tension, but they always make up quick. And of course McCoy finally killing the salt vampire despite it looking like his ex because it was killing Kirk, and he will never let that happen. That was all displayed there, and we get even more as we go.

Kirk always pressures himself to keep his strong Captain image on at all times and there's not many people he can let that drop around. McCoy's one of the few he's able to do that around. McCoy is always there to support him, encourage him, let him have just a moment to collect himself. When he's uncertain or struggling with his feelings/thoughts, McCoy is always right there to reassure him. Kirk may not always listen, but he still wants McCoy there to talk to him. He needs Bones to help him feel at ease. He needs that reassurance that he can pull through whatever he's facing at that moment. He needs that person who can reel him back when he's pushing too much. He cares so much about Bones and can't imagine being a Captain without him there.

McCoy is so fond of Jim. You can just tell by how he's always trying to support Jim and make sure that he's okay. Sure, as CMO that's his job, but it feels like he does go out of his way for Jim moreso than he does most. Most of the time when he's on the Bridge despite not needing to be there is to talk to Jim, whether it be to check on his mental well-being or to just give him a few minutes to have a friendly chat. He hates it whenever he angers or otherwise lets down Jim and almost seems to shut down when he does. Even so, if he sees Jim pushing too much or getting unreasonably angry at someone like Spock, he's not afraid to speak up and pull him back down. He knows and understands Jim so much and does everything possible to be there for him.

Hell, for all the grief that I give AOS, I think that the Kirk and McCoy dynamic is one of the things that they got absolutely right. It's not the same as in TOS, they're younger and meet on route to the Academy. Kirk is a lot more brash and arrogant, and McCoy is more gruff and down on his luck. Despite that, they still became best friends. McCoy went out of his way to get Kirk onto the Enterprise just because he knew how much Kirk wanted to be there. McCoy's still that one person where Kirk can drop his mask and be more of his real self around. The scene in Beyond where they celebrate Kirk's birthday alone, McCoy knowing how hard it is for him due to it being when his dad died and just being there for him and Kirk letting himself be vulnerable around Bones, is such a beautiful scene. Like I can imagine it in TOS it's such a good scene. It shows why their friendship is so freakin' good and I love it.

I think the scene that best shows the Kirk/McCoy dynamic is in Motion Picture. Kirk has drafted McCoy out of retirement, which the latter isn't exactly happy about, especially when he finds out it was all Kirk's doing. Yeah, it is kind of a crappy move, but why did Kirk do this? Because he's finally got the Enterprise back and has a mission. He's got his crew back, but he doesn't have either McCoy or Spock. He can't really do anything about Spock, but McCoy?

KIRK: I need you. Dammit Bones, I need you! Badly!

He can't do it without him. He just can't.

And despite all his grumbling about being dragged back, the second that McCoy hears that?

That's all it takes for him to agree. All it takes for Jim to literally pull him back to be by his side. In the end, he can't deny Jim. If he needs him, he'll be there. Always.

IDK, I just love them so, SO much. I ship them super hard, and I could go on about that all day. But seriously, their relationship is so overlooked by both fandom and pop culture, and it's a shame because it is so, SOOOO good. No matter what universe it is, Kirk and McCoy are always together, and it's beautiful.

[fancy-a-dance-brigadier]

BEN SISKO PLS

Benjamin Sisko? More like Beloved Sisko 😌

One aspect about them I love: I love the capital P Presence he brings to every scene. He’s such a force of nature! Of course there are the obvious examples like ‘In the Pale Moonlight’ and ‘Far Beyond the Stars’, where his presence is literally jaw dropping, but I think he brings such a monumental force to even the softer scenes. Force might be the wrong word, but I’m thinking about all his quiet moments with Jake, his tender moments with Kasidy, his grief when he’s in New Orleans after Jadzia’s death. You can feel every inch of what he’s feeling, all the love and passion and rage. This is more of a comment on Avery Brooks than Sisko I suppose, but he’s easily the actor that impresses me the most in any Star Trek show. He’s such a privilege to watch.

One aspect I wish more people understood about them: That he likes to have fun! I often see him cast in fandom as the stern father figure to his crew (which is a whole other kettle of fish) or people exclusively highlighting his actions in the Dominion War. But Ben is capable of goofing off just as much as anyone else! His delightful love of baseball is the obvious example, but there’s also the episode where he built the Bajoran lightship and flew it with Jake, or all the crazy stories of his youth with Curzon, or when we see him interacting with Jennifer for the first time. And while he opposed the Vic Fontaine holosuite (for very valid reasons), I got the impression that he did end up enjoying himself a teensy bit during that casino heist.

One or more headcanons I have about this character: His favourite musician is Nat King Cole. Joseph would always have his music playing while cooking, so Ben has a lot of fond memories growing up and listening to those songs. And he probably started learning to play the piano by trying to play them by ear.

One character I love seeing them interact with: This is so hard to choose! His interactions with pretty much everyone on the show are so rich, but I think I’ll have to say Kira for this one. The captain and first officer dynamic is always an interesting one (unless it’s TNG sorry not sorry), but the fact of Sisko being the Emissary adds so many layers. Of course there are the jokes about Kira’s boss being space Jesus, but I really do think they have one of the best relationships in the show. Two scenes in particular come to mind - in the episode ‘Starship Down’ when Ben’s injured and Kira’s trying to see him through it, and I can’t remember the episode, but the scene where Ben invites her to a baseball game. Very different scenes, but I think they do a lot to convey how much they care for each other no matter the situation. But then they’re also trying to work through the complex web of worship and every day interactions and station hierarchy and friendship and ugh it’s just so good!! It’s so good.

One character I wish they would interact with more: Jennifer Sisko. I don’t mean interact as in bringing her back from the dead, or having mirror!Jennifer play a bigger role (which would be kinda cool honestly), but rather I wish we’d got to hear more stories about their past interactions. Ben’s grief over her death is literally what kicks off the entire show, and I feel like we should really know more about her since she had such a strong connection to the main character of the show. I find it very difficult to believe that Ben wouldn’t talk about her more to keep her memory alive. I want to know what kind of dates she and Ben would go on, the little idiosyncrasies Ben loved most about her, the things she’d do that would annoy and charm him all at once, and the moments where he was most proud to love her.

One or more headcanons I have that involve them and one other character: He’s in love with Julian Bashir ❤️💙 I’m sorry, I can’t help it - Siskoshir is just too powerful of a ship to go without at least mentioning. I saw that one scene in ‘Past Tense’ when Ben brings Julian breakfast and that was it, no thoughts only Siskoshir. I think I find that ship so compelling because, even though they appear outwardly quite different, on the inside they’re birds of a feather. They’re both so passionate about the people around them, they’re both dedicated to their careers, and they’re both strong enough to survive immense the trauma that’s impacted them throughout their lives. But then there’s also what they can give to each other - Julian can help bring Ben out of his grief with his relentless brightness and optimism, and Ben can offer Julian the warmth of familial love that he felt like he’d lost once he discovered his augments. Basically, they’re the best I think they should kiss 😌

[acacia-may]

Hi Acacia! Got some Omori ships for the game: what are your thoughts on Sunburn, Cotton Candy, and (naturally) HeroMari?

Hey friend! What a pleasant surprise ^^ Welcome to my main. It's kind of messy & all over the place here with a ton of different fandoms, but I like to think that keeps things interesting. 😁

Thank you so much for this ask! 💖 I don't think I've ever written an actual, serious discussion about my OMORI ship opinions, so this will be fun. To avoid OMORI spoilers though, I'm going to put all this under the cut.

(Warnings: MAJOR Spoilers for OMORI. Mentioned heavy themes related to the game such as trauma and grief)

Sunburn

Aww it's cute. I think it makes sense, and I like it well enough. I love their friendship, their dynamic, and their interactions a lot. Sunny admires Aubrey and her strength so much, and Aubrey really shows off this delightful soft side in her interactions with him. The scene on the swings is very sweet, and I love that Aubrey finally managed to ask Sunny to keep in touch on One Day Left (even if it was a little awkward for her). When some of my friends came over to play the game, they actually audibly "Aww"ed during that scene, and I think that's very telling because Sunburn is a wholesome and feel-good ship. I can definitely see the appeal of it, and I enjoy a lot of content made by its passionate supporters.

That said, for me personally, I find it personally difficult to vibe with the idea of pairing Sunny off with anyone who was close to Mari and, therefore, is entangled in his trauma. For that reason, I much prefer to think about and enjoy his relationships with his friends in a platonic sense. This feeling extends to pretty much every ship involving any main cast member of OMORI to varying degrees, as I'll admit I still really enjoy some ships even if I personally, genuinely believe that after Mari's death, everyone would probably be better off just pairing off with random people we aren’t introduced to in the game if they wanted romantic relationships. (A/N: It goes without saying that HeroMari is not included in this because they were just flawless until they were doomed and brutally torn apart by the narrative through no fault of their own {Yes I am still bitter about that} and that if Mari had lived they would have gotten married & lived happily ever after, I have no doubt in the mind about that (more on that later...), but we are, unfortunately, talking about the world after Mari's death here).

I think especially for Sunny, the degrees of separation from Mari and his trauma are probably really important and a natural safeguard for him to avoid codependency in a relationship and his romance turning into “free therapy” in a way, if that makes sense? I feel like any ship with Sunny in it has the potential to go to a kind of unhealthy place if he hasn’t healed and gotten the help he needs before he tries to enter into that kind of intimacy and romance with that other person, but it’s just exasperated the closer that person is/was to Mari and the trauma. There’s a lot of healing that would need to happen before Sunny would be ready for any relationship with anyone, in my opinion, but especially one like that which, I think, personally gives me reservations about Sunburn as a pairing.

All of that said, my younger sister is a huge Sunburn enthusiast so, thanks to her, I have definitely thought about this pairing a lot more than I would have just left to my own devices and personal tastes. I can vividly imagine how and when they would get together. In my mind, they go to the same university and start spending a lot of time one-on-one together and really deepen their relationship there which eventually leads to love, marriage, and kids. I've never written in this Sunburn End Game universe, but it exists in my mind.

I will also admit that there is something really intriguing about Sunburn in the Neutral Ending (where Basil dies and Sunny moves away). Yes, it would be very dysfunctional, but I think there would be something so compelling and poetic in an incredibly depressed Sunny meeting up with a very jaded Aubrey years later and after rebuilding a relationship finally confessing the Truth to her and getting to reassure her that Basil's death wasn't her fault. I would read the heck out of that, but even though I can sometimes have a morbid curiosity with dysfunctional pining and broken relationships, I do like to think of Sunburn (in the good ending) as a functional and happy pairing for the both of them which is what they deserve after everything they've been through.

And I think the idea of Sunny and Aubrey being happy is the big selling point of this ship, and I can definitely vibe with that because I want good things for them. It's just not my personal favorite. But that is, of course, only my personal opinion and I am very supportive of the pairing and respectful of people who love it (like my sister). I certainly see the appeal because they really are very cute together and should they decide to pursue a relationship with each other in the future, I'd support it.

Cotton Candy

To be honest, I really don't personally vibe with any romantic pairings with Kim in them. I have nothing against shipping Kim, and I can certainly understand why people do, but for me personally, I think I really just perceive/headcanon Kim as someone who is just not at all interested in that kind of relationship with anyone.

In my mind, I like to imagine that Kim just kind of throws herself wholeheartedly into her future career as a paleontologist and that her one true love in life is dinosaurs (and possibly candy is a close second lol). I think she has very meaningful platonic relationships with her friends and her brother, and that's fulfilling for her so she doesn't have a want or interest for anything more than that. But that's just my personal headcanon about her, and I have nothing against anyone who sees or who wants to see Kim in a more romantic way. That's the fun thing about media--we can all have different perceptions, headcanons, and opinions. And I have a lot of respect for that and for the fact that we can all love the same story and characters while having our own perceptions and opinions about them and their relationships. I've enjoyed content that portrays Kim in a more romantic way than how I personally imagine her, but in general, it's really hard for me to imagine my personal perception of Kim in a romantic relationship or even wanting one, so I personally think of all of her relationships as strictly platonic.

And in that way, I do love her relationship with Aubrey as a BROTP. They have so much in common while also having these great differences because I think Kim is very abrasive whereas Aubrey is rough around the edges but honestly a lot softer than how I imagine Kim is. I'm also so glad that they have each other, especially for Aubrey to be able to have a close friend after her childhood friend group fell apart after Mari passed away. I like to think that they really connected and had a deep sympathy and understanding for each other having both come from homes where their parents had divorced. I think we get to see that Kim is very devoted to Aubrey, and given that Aubrey has a lot of abandonment issues, it's really nice to see how fiercely loyal Kim and the other Hooligans are to her. My sister and I make jokes a lot about the Hooligans (and especially Kim) kind of just adopting Aubrey's grudges towards Kel and Basil without any explanation. They're so ride-or-die, and I love that about them, especially Kim. I'm so weirdly fond of Kim, honestly. I actually have this (sort of wild) dinosaur plushie wearing cat ears and a flower crown that I named after her, and I really do love her relationship with Aubrey in a platonic sense but that's just me.

HeroMari

What can I say? It's objectively the best one! I think about them all the time and have actually cried real, genuine tears over how tragic this pairing is and how they deserved so much better. (Seriously I can't count the times I've put on BANNERS' "It's Gonna Be OK" and just bawled thinking about them).

Unfortunately, I don't find a lot of comfort in Mari Lives AUs (though I'll admit had way too much fun writing one for HeroMari week this year). They make me feel better for a little bit, but then I'll just start thinking: "It's not real. She's dead, and Hero is super miserable" so Hero finding healing and learning to be happy after Mari's death really became my niche which I've always been really worried about because I don't want to give the impression that I don't like HeroMari and don't wish that they had ended up together.

Obviously, without question, my favorite pairing for Hero is hands down HeroMari, and my ideal ending for him would be a world where she had lived and they had gotten to live happily ever after together. There is no doubt in my mind that they would have eventually married each other, probably had a bunch of kids, and grown old together in a world where she had lived, and I honestly can't imagine either of them with anyone else in a world where they are both alive. Unfortunately, that isn't an option anymore which is the only reason I even consider other pairings for Hero. The thing about Hero is that we know he had so many of these domestic dreams of settling down & having a family that he essentially gave up on when Mari died, and I wouldn’t want to see those be lost to him forever, if that really was something he wanted. So long story short, my desire for Hero to be happy even in a world without Mari tends to win out over my intense passion for HeroMari as a pairing and the fact that I can't imagine them with anyone else in a world where both of them are alive, if that makes sense? But I digress and that could probably be the subject of it's own super long, meta post so I'm cutting myself off...

Anyway, I've always been a huge HeroMari shipper. I actually kind of knew about it before I started the game, but I had misinterpreted some of the bits and pieces my sister had mentioned to me offhand and thought it was one of those situations where Hero had been in love with her but hadn't ever expressed it and/or that it hadn't been returned. Needless to say, I was thrilled when I finally played OMORI and learned this ship was the most obviously mutual, canon, and wholesomely in love pairing of all time. It's kind of a funny story because my sister (who is even more of a huge HeroMari shipper than me) was actually getting kind of worried because I hadn't mentioned the pairing at all while we were playing the game. When I finally made an offhand, shippy comment about them, my sister was so relieved and revealed she was worried I hadn't shipped them because I hadn't mentioned it. I said, "I thought I didn't have to. It's like saying 'Water is wet.' They're in love. What else is there to say?"

And that's HeroMari to me. They're in love. It makes sense and is extremely compelling, especially getting to see the heart-wrenching way Hero grieves for her after she is gone. To be honest, as much as I want them to be happy and wish they had gotten their "forever," the angst of this ship elevates it and gives it a depth that I find incredibly interesting and that has really stuck with me long after I finished the game.

I would also be amiss if I didn't mention how much I just adore their friendship, their devotion to one another, and the way they respected, admired, and understood each other. I think the fact they were best friends and (arguably) knew each other better than anyone else often gets overshadowed by the fact that they were in love, and I feel like there should be more discussion about how their relationship went so far beyond just the romantic feelings they had for each other which really makes that loss so much more devastating for Hero. Not only did he lose the girl he loved but he also lost his best friend in the world, and there is an added dimension of grief to that which I wish was explored a little more often.

Overall, Hero and Mari together whether in love or in friendship was just perfect. They truly brought out the best in each other, and I don't have words for how much I wish they had gotten to be together in the end. 💙💜

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Why I Staff on Corbacraft

A quick preface: This was originally meant for a message in #donator-zone on our discord server. I hit the character limit so I moved to my iPhone's Notes app, and typed this up while on a walk. I have since reworded a couple of sentences and corrected some grammar rules.

I was talking in #︱help-me today, and it has got me thinking about why I am here and why I do what I do. This’ll be a personal ramble, not any sort of “speaking as staff” thing. 

Emily joined this server a while before I did. she was young, so she didn’t speak in chat at all. I helped her with a thing once or twice, but not enough to connect with the community. Flash forward a year, maybe more. She’s playing on Corbacraft again. At that time, I didn't even know what the server’s name was or what they stood for. All I knew is I thought it would be cool to log in and walking from spawn, try to naturally find my sister’s base. (it wasn’t very hard, it was just straight ahead from the pvp arena in spawn in 2020 Orion.)

Anyway, the welcoming vibe and fun chat caused me to change my username to something less stupid, and to actually get back into minecraft. i mentioned to emily i thought it would be funny to try to apply for staff, because i used to engage in an activity known as “staff hunting”. I'd just apply and work where I was taken. Usually those servers would die out due to being run by 12 year olds. 

anyway

I hadn't played in some time at this point. So every now and then I'd just log on, and mine. I had no goal, or reason to mine. I didn't sell what I mined, I'd just throw away stuff I didn't care about and put the rest in my chests. While mining, I'd watch chat. I'd see the community interact with each other. I figured out who were friends etc. Occasionally I'd speak up and try to be funny in chat, which I have since been told is how I found the people I now consider my best friends. 

These friends, some gone and some still with us, “adopted” me. They saw I had no “group”, and they thought I was funny, so they included me in their friend group. This means the world to me, and I'm still so grateful for their friendship. 

At this point, I had been been playing for a couple of weeks or more and I heard back about my staff application. They accepted me! Newest helper in training. At this time, the staff team was split between our two servers, Orion and Alyx. The staff manager at the time, LadyOfTheRose, asked me where I wanted to staff. She strongly suggested I pick Alyx, and I saw it seemed a little neglected, so I picked Alyx. It was at this time where my reasons for being here started to take shape, and begin to grow into what they are today. 

Alyx was a more vanilla diamond economy survival vibe, so less players played there. They preferred all the frills and fancy stuff on Orion. So at this point I was torn between two servers. Do I spend my time staffing on Alyx, or hanging out with friends on Orion? For some time, I tried to balance this. But it came to a point where I'd frequently have to interrupt silly time to go resolve an issue on Alyx. So eventually I just became a mostly Alyx player. 

You may be wondering why I'd choose to spend my time on a neglected server where no one played when I could have totally been playing on the well staffed, popular one. Well the answer is right there. “well staffed”. Orion had no need of me. Alyx was basically just one moderator, beep. I and a few others became helpers on Alyx to lessen the load on her. It was at this time that my priorities shifted from “fun” to “service”. 

I am here primarily because I see this position as a form of service. I enjoy solving issues between players. I enjoy rolling back griefs and punishing rule breakers. I enjoy answering questions. I enjoy talking with players. and I love doing all of this because I love the community. 

I may not be an active Minecraft player anymore, but I am passionate about the community, and as long as I am here I will be taking a position of service and doing what I can to give back to this community that blessed me with the friends I hold dear now. 

Thank you for reading :)