#which fuels itself
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Portfires add even more sorceryness! It's hard to see but you can almost make out my magical staff (an 18th century artillery portfire on a stick). Also shiny cannon for clout.
me (decorated in bloody runes): man why did we ever stop worshipping golden idols this shit rules
severed bull’s head i carry with me for advice: if you mix sulfur, charcoal, and saltpeter together you will become a powerful sorcerer
#sounds suspiciously like gunpowder#hmmmmm#but the mixture for portfires is a little more sorcerer-y#because it includes potassium nitrate if i remember correctly#which fuels itself#so even water won't douse this 18th century flare#the only way to put out a portfire is to cut off the flame and let it run out of its fuel#thanks for teaching me this#Fort Ticonderoga#also the Artillery School at Fort No. 4#a new event this year#will feature a lecture on portfires!! for reenactors that is#reenacting#effervescent#Royal Artillery#1777
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Day 1 of writing ultrakill: hehehe machine powered by blood!! Mankind is dead, gabriel wants to fuck that machine
Day ???? Of writing ultrakill: hell is alive. Hell is alive and we are the entertainment, marked by blood as the fuel. The terminals watch us: for they and we are ultimately what’s left of humanity. They are an archive of everything mankind has ever achieved and one of its last remaining idols. There is nothing left to consume but yourself. The loop will endlessly repeat until either entropy- or yourself finally, mercifully ends it. You and Gabriel are tools now without purpose and now you must find it. Through Gabriel are you able to reach peak performance, the penultimate version of yourself. Through V1 Gabriel is able to achieve a form of deliverance- ecstasy through a newfound freedom. This is a wretched, bloodied love story that’s alive with every player as its intestines and entrails- eating itself whole. By killing each other- you will destroy everything you have left. You must break the loop today or the loop will repeat tomorrow. Gabriel really wants to fuck that machine and V1 wants that angel BADLY
#brace yourself im having another ultrakill thought#I think loops and cannibalism are vastly undervalued when it comes to ultrakill’s story#cannibalism in the way that V1 is consuming what’s left of itself- its own purpose to fight fueled by itself fueled by itself and so on.#which again ties into the theme of cycles#Gabriel in the way that the council had essentially ‘eaten’ one of their own whole at the slightest sign of imperfection#and yet Gabriel is able to break a clear cycle#just as V1 is able to break hell out of its dying cycle of eternal punishment by just killing#am I. am I making sense#can you tell I fucking love the violence layer#also throw in something about lust renaissance / greed insurrections attempting (and succeeding in a way) to break the cycle of torment#ultrakill#rose talks#for my next trick I will write terminal X V1 completely unironically#analysis
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I know I’ve made other posts talking about or alluding to this but like. obviously there are like the old hollywood movies in the sort of dyke subtext canon (all about eve, rebecca, johnny guitar, etc) but like. there are so many movies that like 10 people have seen but I have such a clear gay vision or interpretation for it. most of them aren’t even GOOD. and yet!!
like the great lie is the one that haunts me the most (or the women but I think that one is kind of different for me perhaps bc I’ve already talked about it here a lot or perhaps bc I think of it as being more well known and watched than I think it actually is? actually it’s probably that I think it is an overall good and well executed and entertaining movie which isn’t really true of most of these tbh). but I also think a lot about like when ladies meet, or old acquaintance, or sadie mckee, or the shining hour, or the model and the marriage broker, or a woman’s secret, or the bigamist, or craig’s wife, or born to be bad, or separate tables, or even dark victory to a degree. others too certainly those are just the ones that come to mind. for half of these it’s not even like oh these women are gay together it’s just like hey I think she’s a lesbian. and I’m right. but my genius will never be fully appreciated in my day unfortunately.
#a woman’s secret has kind of been haunting me since I watched it like a week or so ago in that it’s literally got so many interesting#pieces and facets and I find so much of it very interesting but they just like really don’t dig in or come together so it’s enough that#I think about it and not remotely satisfying which I’m beginning to think is just how I feel about nicholas ray’s stuff. I don’t really#have a large sample but like born to be bad is not a movie that I think is good but it has like infected me somehow. which i did and still#do largely attribute to joantaine. but like idk. and also I wanted to like Johnny guitar and obviously there’s a lot of interesting stuff#in there to dissect it just… feels unsatisfying/like it doesn’t come together. idk what it is.#also like it is fully sampling bias that across the three I listed as noted subtext and then all the others I listed#there’s uh. 4 joan crawford movies 4 bette davis movies 3 joan fontaine movies#but it’s still really funny to me lmao… I will say how did I not list ANY babs movies… that can’t be right… I mean like night nurse#and ladies they talk about def have some gay moments and like. walk on the wild side exists lmao#but I wouldn’t really consider any of those to be consistent with the thing I’m trying to describe here lol#anyways. I think that’s enough rambling for now.#old hollywood#my post#also I would happily expand on my vision for any of these lmao. it’s just that I think it generally requires a certain familiarity with the#movie itself and. a lot of these I wouldn’t necessarily recommend? not that they’re all bad just like. not incredible idk#which kind of hinders this a bit. and now like I could give background provide clips etc but then that’s requiring a level of effort#that I’m not gonna spontaneously exert while sitting in bed Thinking. which is what this post is lmao. (‘that’s enough rambling for now’#I said several tags ago… a fact which I could easily change but shan’t.)#(edit of prior tags to say that I wrote the tags before mentioning the women in this post bc idk for a moment I lived in a world in which#everyone knew the women was about dykes. so anyways it’s now 5 joan movies 4 joantaine movies#which is neat. the sampling bias is also fun bc like yes 5 joan movies is a lot to mention but I’ve seen like 30 joan movies so.#of course there are other movies of hers where I would be calling her gay but like im less invested. joantaine is a lot funnier to me bc#I’ve only actually seen 7 joantaine movies. and like ok including the bigamist is admittedly wild given that my queer interpretation of it#is like. her and ida lupino who do not so much as meet in the film. but the extent to which I wish they did fuels me)
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right wing propoganda is crazy in india it is downright like india is turning into israel 2.0 and these people are proud of it.
#'caste system is a western concept' KILL YOURSELF#'leftists are americannabes' girl what even is THAT? YOU ARE THE ONE SUPPORTING A US FUNDED GENOCIDE#'hinduism society is so perfect they had british change it' cue adivasi dalit women silence#girl idk what hinduism society even is i thought it was a religion whose term was coined by the british#and y'all call yourself proud hindus while 'embracing' decolonisation like israel embraces itself as a part of eurovision#despite it being the most 'progressive' democracy in middle east 🤓#which btw is in asia#?.#anyways hindutva bridgade brainwashing is just awful#india is gonna be in more danger because of these fucking hacks#i'm scared as a hindu queer woman#i have been attacked by these so called protectors of sanatan dharma#physically#i nearly was hospitalised last year due to a saffron mob in a queer friendly bar during pride month#for ahistorical shit they'll spew their pinkwshing by radfems like hindulivesmatter will end#shameful spineless fucktards using kashmiri pandit genocide to fuel hatred against minorities and alienate them#for a hindu rashtra#i hope you bastards choke on your hatred and fucking perish#like the way y'all cheered on the death of tens thousands of palestinian people#i hope your propoganda and hatred gets to you and bites you in your own ass. hard#just end yourself u genocidal monster of a zionist#israel will be dismantled#and so will savarkar's ideals#from the river to the sea palestine will be free#and we will witness it happen godspeed
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42,000 people. 42,000 people with full lives and memories and family and a culture that is being erased. 42,000 people. My mind can’t even comprehend that number. Innocents. Infants. That’s a larger number than people who live in my city.
42,000 people are dead. Israel is committing genocide. This is an ethnic cleansing. It’s not only been going on for a year but for A HUNDRED years.
Read “The Ethnic Cleansing of Palestine” by Ilan Pappe, an Israeli historian. Learn the history. Educate yourself.
Call your representatives. Advocate for a ceasefire. Free Palestine. 🇵🇸🇵🇸
#as a year since the start of a genocide that would take 42k lives has passed#I’m taking the time to read and learn more#and it’s only fueled my grief and rage#I found out someone I called a friend for over two years#is denying that this is a genocide#and reblogging Islamophobic content#And saying that Israel is ‘just defending itself.’#which is a well-documented smoke screen for a 100-year long genocide#(again do your reading)#I’m disgusted that someone who calls themself a leftist would say that#we haven’t been friends in a while cuz they were very cruel to me and ppl I care abt#but this is still totally shaking me#42k people are dead.#but they’re going around saying this isn’t a genocide#no one will see this I have no internet presence#but for the love of god please educate yourself on Israel’s actions#many innocent people live there#they are not their government#but the government is committing an ethnic cleansing#and we can’t stop talking about it and we can’t deny it#idk where I’m going w this#the Palestinian people matter#their stories matter and their culture matters#their LIVES matter#the least we can do is continue to advocate for them and learn about them#and understand the genocide committed against them#because that’s what it is#a genocide#and we should call it that
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@beatingheart-bride
In turn, Randall squeezed her hand back, as he drew in a deep breath. Despite his best efforts, clinging to the notion that his parents would at the very least be understanding once everything was laid out on the table for them, seeing that Emily really meant him no harm and that they truly were in love, there was no denying that growing cold pit in the bottom of his stomach, worsened only by her suggestion. A part of him sort of wanted to (however lamely) protest, instead suggest they save it for another day, and just enjoy themselves for now...
...he knew, in his heart, she was right. They would have to tell them at some point, and it was better to do it now rather than later; Randall had never been one keen to lie to his parents, and he knew the guilt of keeping such a massive secret from them would eat him up from the inside out. Thus, it was just better to get it out of the way-for both his and Emily's ease of mind.
"You're right," he sighed, as he brought her closer, wrapping his arm around her as he nodded, "They...they do deserve to know. I'll, uh...I'll give them a call in a little while, tell 'em when I'll be home, and that you'll be with me. We'll...we'll tell them together."
He punctuated this with another loving kiss, this one pressed to her cheek as he reassured her, "It'll be alright, Emily."
#((it's all the sort of thing that fueled sci-fi novels and films for decades-but now it's a reality))#((and in some cases sci-fi has a funny way of sort of predicting the future when it comes to medical science!))#((what was once the stuff of fantasy-organ transplants; artificial aids; what sounds like b-movie fluff on paper))#((has actually turned out to be pretty viable in the medical sector; which itself is pretty cool!))#((and same! as someone who has been in the same boat in terms of mental health struggles; and for a long time))#((it's a great relief that we don't live in a time where every doctor is gung-ho to perform a lobotomy))#((or some other horrible kind of treatment that does more harm than good!))#((the humanization of people with mental health struggles; better understanding of those conditions))#((changing social mores; de-stigmatization; we really have come a long way!))#((there's still room for improvement of course but still; we've made a lot of steps in the right direction!))#outofhatboxes#beatingheart-bride#V:Dark Shadows
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Never thought about this till now but I think I'll be irreperably damaged by Act III when we fight Gabe for the last time and the end rank score shows us Kills: 1 S
#.#..#...#....#.....#Nico al Habla#Ofc act three could go a completely different direction#Maybe it pulls a P-2 and makes us fight an entire hoard of enemies before reaching Gabriel#Making the kills score be all jumbled.Making his death just be one digit amongst all the others#Which would also mess me up#Something something 'Gabriel cant remember how many he'd killed. The machine that does him under cant differentiate him either'#Or maybe his death ends up being the end of the game itself and we get no score screen#Cuz. I am firm in my opinion that Ultrakill ends in V1's death#Mankind is dead. Blood is fuel. Hell is empty#And shit like that#Everyone dies. Except maybe heaven? But who knows maybe the machines find a way#Or the citizens up there are going insane as well#This game is making me insane#I take back what I said a month ago about it not taking over my JJBA fixation
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i entertained the idea of pursuing graphic design as a career but didn't like neither a community college course i took or the 3-day workshop at a university in my nearest city at the time. but i get so gd riled about it that i'm like. what if i could change the system. i should be a graphic designer
#^ guy with no experience who is too overconfident and fueled by spite#i understand at least to some degree the bureaucracy that goes into shit like graphic design but. we as a society have to strive for better#corporate memphis will actually melt my brain one day mark my words#personal#oh also i'm gonna be real as hell the student loan debt i would have to take on for a career that i could not guarantee i would succeed at-#--entirely scared me off of the idea. which in itself is sad and i knew it at the time. but it makes me sadder now.
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//lara hea rtfi /lia my belorbo :]
(or: instead of getting back on track wrt tumblr rp now that i finished TMA im catching up w 🧚tail bc sb rt'd an op of it and i am Nostalgic)
#mun babbles //#also now that im way older n Not mega depressed i can appreciate the sheer fucking BULLSHIT n cartoon/'fairy tale' logic it runs off of LMA#ft nostalgia for my v brief ft oc aka lucys older sister by one year n 'si' oc who has existential issues for obv reasons#music make go brrrrrrrr even if it has lots of overlap wrt wind/wendys kit#it also has unique shit too like debuffs physical based enchantments (ie pumping heart rate etc) diagetic music and horror movie fuel <3#(lattermost of which being using subsonic sounds Just outside range of hearing to give ppl hallucinations n otherwise fuck w their senses)#since while a lot of is based on the Literal physical nature of sound (physical vibrations of air) theres also bits based on the process of#Hearing / the brain itself processing the sound as well#(incidentally in retrospect most of the nightmare fuel shit is the latter for obvious reasons LMAO)
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The song of death compells me so.
#Its lull is enticing and harmonic. beautiful melodies i can't deny the gorgeousness off#Still. the plane tugs at me. reminds me that i have unfinished business. that people still want my presence. dare i say. beg for it.#I am a unique person. unfortunately.#i provide what most others won't. what i offer only few others do too.#i know the amount of people that wish me dead outnumber the ones that want me alive. it's hard to cling onto few threads that dangle me.#i am rotting. i don't know when I'll grow. I've been stubborn for so long. i don't think i can grow out of my immaturity.#which is an immature thing to state of myself in and of itself.#I don't know how long i have left. i dont know if i should just try to burn everything i can in my body to make a#raging beautiful fire before i get snuffed. or if i try to cling on to the little resources i have to keep myself burning.#i doubt I'll find more fuel to burn. but we'll see. the future will come. tomorrow arrives. time marches as it always does. unrelenting.#negative#/negative
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when i was a kid i hated the all american rejects and their song gives you hell that played on the radio because i thought there was a finite amount of swearing that you could do and i thought the reason kids werent allowed to swear is because if they were allowed theyd get all willy nilly with it and use up all the swearing. and i was mad at the all american rejects and their song gives you hell because i was like by the time im old enough to swear theres not gonna be any swearing left because these guys are using it all up every time they play this song and people sing along and i hated them for their selfishness.
#tag for when im talking#to be clear i thought swearing replenished itself but slowly. like fossil fuels or something.#i thought of it as a natural resource.#i dont know when i stopped thinking this but that song was on the radio when i was like 10 or 11 or maybe 12#which is sort of too old to be thinking of shit like that i think it was one of those things that you just wake up one day#and youre like why did i think that. that doesnt make any sense.
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i want to draw something fucked up
#old Caedys. which isnt fucked up by itself but itll fuel the little evil scenarios in my mind#MAKE THAT MAN OLD
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so white dwarfs are like star skeletons (?)
#shitpost#what im thinking about#is sirius being a binary star#the brighter sirius a still burning away and circling basically the corpse of sirius b#which has gone and run out of fuel & blown itself up & it was long ago enough that it's lost all its remains#only the inert core's still there but even that's shining bright enough to be seen#also one of regulus' stars is spinning fast enough that it's kinda oblong & enough to affect the light it emits and we know this because it#s emitting polarized light? or something like that#space is so. whack.#marauders shitpost
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Andrus Laansalu talked about making Disco Elysium at EKA (Estonian Academy of Arts)
"Initially, the church wasn't a focal point. There were certain characters that needed to visit this location, and I asked, "Seriously, what do we have in our church?" The others replied, "Nothing at all. Our church is completely bare—just a wheel, really. It's quite basic."
That's when I decided to unleash my creativity in the design. For example, they chose to install a glass structure at the top of the church to create a reflective surface. It was like placing an optical clock up there. Therefore, one of the most crucial aspects of designing the church was ensuring the lighting was just right to create the desired atmosphere."
"Let me show you an example of Baroque architecture, which is rich in detail. We're also designing the interior of the church based on large cathedrals. However, the foundation you use might not yield the expected results, because the church itself doesn't require such intricate details. Sometimes, it's about simplifying the design."
"I used Articy for the initial scriptwriting of Disco Elysium. The image only represents a tiny fraction of the text and choice variables involved. This system was also the reason I eventually abandoned the project after a year of outlining the script and shifted my focus to becoming a sound designer. My mind struggled to keep up with the dynamic graphic rules, but fortunately, a more talented writer took over afterward."
"In terms of sound design, it's essential to develop different layers to bring out the charm of the church as a cohesive space. Although this represents only a small portion of the overall design, each layer actually requires a significant amount of time to compose the whole....... Whenever there's a shift or a change due to the dialogue itself, you need to adjust the background sounds. Each time you modify the details in the dialogue, I have to refine the background audio, ensuring that these elements build upon each other like an intricate layer of work."
"It's funny how many scenes involve characters getting smacked in the face. My job was to recreate those, so I locked myself in the bathroom with a recorder and hit my forehead until it turned red.
As a sound designer, I really dig those unsettling, drill-like sounds. So, I mixed in creepy lectures, metal scraping, moans, and cries of pain—because I just love that stuff! (laughs)
Players will be moving through all kinds of areas, so it's super important to make the sound transitions feel natural, trying to create a more immersive vibe in certain spaces.
With all the scenes featuring big cranes, you can hear them from far away, and I wanted to capture that eerie ringing in your ears. That's going to be a thing throughout most of the game. I've found ways to really mess with players while they're playing!"
"I've come across a lot of old objects (like phones and radios) that I needed to perfectly replicate the sounds. I started to become a bit of a hoarder, buying up different models of old phones whenever I found one to add to my collection. The sound effects I can simulate from them are really impressive."
"Some of the devices don't actually exist in real life—just a mix of architecture and tech. When I need to create sound effects, I first look for something similar that exists in our world, then I try to simulate what the sound and appearance of that thing might have been like a century ago.
Towards the end of the game, there's a character carrying a fuel canister. We needed the sound of the canister, so we dug one up from our garage—it had been sitting there since it was five! I realized this would make the sound perfect. So, it had been there for 50 years, and after 40 years, it finally found its purpose.
In some places, I needed unique sound waves, and recreating them was a real headache until one day I happened to walk by a swimming pool and stumbled upon an old wartime torpedo. You can rotate the torpedo's probe, and it slowly rises up, like a proud zombie head. The sounds it made were exactly what I needed!"
��How did you manage to get funding?
"Well, since we're in Estonia, you just need to know a wealthy person. You don't need five people—just two who can network, hang out together, and convince them to keep investing! (laughs) Back then, we constantly ran out of money and would tell them, 'Oops, looks like we spent it all! Can you invest a bit more?' That's how we made it through!"
🙋How did you all come together to make the game?
"Luck. It usually doesn't happen this way, and that's the key difference. It has to be. If not, you couldn't create a game of this scale - well, I mean in terms of budget. But creatively, Estonia definitely has writers and artists who can pull it off. With such a small population, there are a lot of quirky folks who are good friends. We were really lucky, though - lots of fortunate circumstances came together. It brought the right people together, allowing those talented fools to collaborate with us. They had experience but hadn't tackled projects of this magnitude before. So yeah, luck is pretty important!"
Lecture experience shared by 白兔YIYANG SUN on 小红书, reposted & translated by me with her permission.
#disco elysium#inspiration#I was so touched by the parts#50 yrs later the old fuel can was found#and the torpedo does art not harm#i need to take down notes#sobbing#you guys are a miracle
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So why do you hate the advertising industry?
Hokay so.
Let me preface this with some personal history. It's not relevant to the sins of the advertising industry perse but it illustrates how I started to grow to hate it.
I wanted to be a veterinarian growing up, but to be a vet you basically have to be good enough to get into medical school. I do not have the math chops or discipline to make it in medical school. I went into art instead, and in a desperate attempt to find some commercial viability that didn't involve moving to California, I went into graphic design.
I've been a graphic designer for about seven or eight years now and I've worn a lot of hats. One of them was working in a print shop. Now, the print shop had a lot of corporate customers who had various ad campaigns. One of them was Gate City Bank, which had a bigass stack of postcards ordered every couple months to mail to their customers.
Now, paper comes from Dakota Paper, and they make their paper the usual way. Somewhere far, far from our treeless plain there is a forest of tall trees. These trees are cut down and put on big fossil fuel burning trucks and hauled to a paper mill that turns them into pulp while spewing the most fowl odors imaginable over the neighboring town and loads the pulp up with bleach to give it a nice white color.
Then the paper is put on yet another big truck and hauled off to the local paper depot, then put on another big truck and delivered to my print shop, where I turned the paper into postcards telling people to go even deeper into debt to buy a boat because it's almost summer. The inks used are a type of nasty heat sensitive plastic that is melted to the surface of the paper with heat. Then the postcards are put on yet ANOTHER truck and sent to the bank, which puts them on ANOTHER truck and finally into the hands of their customers, who open their mail and take one look at the post card and immediately discard it.
Heaps and heaps and literal hundreds of pounds of literal garbage created at the whim of the marketing team several times a year. And thats just one bank in one city.
I came to realize very quickly that graphic design was the delicate art of turning trees into junk mail.
And wouldn't you know it there are a TON of companies that basically only do junk mail. Many of them operate under the guise of a "charity," sending you pictures of suffering children or animals and begging for handouts and when they get those handouts the executives take a nice fat cut, give some small token amount to whatever cause they pay lip service to, and then put the rest of the cash right back into making more mailers. "Direct mail marketing" they call it.
Oh but maybe it's not so bad, you can advertise online after all. Now that there's decent ad blocker out there and better anti-virus ads usually don't destroy your computer anymore just by existing.
Except now when I search for the exact business I want on Google it's buried under three or four different "promoted search items" tricking me into clicking on them only to shoot themselves in the foot because I searched for the specific result I wanted for a reason and couldn't use those other websites even if I felt like it.
And now we have advertising on YouTube and on every streaming service, forcing more and more eyes onto the ad for the brand new Buick Envision that parks itself because you're too stupid to do it on your own.
Oh thats ok maybe I'll get Spotify premium and go ad free and listen to some podcasts- SIKE we have the hosts of your show doing the song and dance now. Are you depressed and paranoid from listening to my true crime podcast about murdered and mutilated teenagers? That's ok, my sponsor Better Help can keep you sane enough to stay alive and spend more money.
It's gotten so terrible that now you have content farms, huge hubs of shell companies that crank out video after video to get more and more precious clicks. Which if the videos were innocuous maybe that wouldn't be so awful except now you have cooking hacks that can actually burn your house down and craft hacks that can electrocute you being flung into your eyes at the speed of mach fuck so some slimy internet clickbait jockey doesn't need to get a real job.
It of course goes without saying that animals are also relentlessly exploited by clickbait companies that will put them in compromising situations on purpose to create a fake fishing hack video or even just straight up killing them for sport by feeding small animals to a pufferfish that rips them apart for the camera.
And all of this, ALL of this doesn't even touch how adveritising is the death of art in general. Queer topics, any kind of interesting art, any kind of sex or substance use topics are scrubbed clean and hidden at the behest of advertisers.
Sex education, a nude statue, topics such as racism or sexism or bigotry in general have tags purged or hidden from search, even life saving information about SDTs or drug use, because if someone saw that and complained then Verizon might sell fewer tablets and we can't fucking have that.
Conservative talking heads often bitch and moan that they're being censored on social media. The stupid part is, they're right! They are being censored! But it's not by a woke mob, it's by ATT and Coca Cola not wanting their adspace sharing screen time with their stupid fucking opinions.
However, they won't ever figure that out, because the talking heads they get their marching orders from like Tucker and Jones ALSO rely on the sweet milk flowing from the sponsorship teat and they aren't about to turn on their meal ticket so they have to come up with even stupider shit to say for the train to continue rolling.
I managed to rant this far without even getting into the ads I see for the beauty industry. The other day a botox ad described wrinkles as "moderate to severe crows feet" as if wrinkles are a symptom of a fucking serious disease! Like having a flaw in your skin is a medical problem that you need thousands of dollars of literal botulism toxin to fix! I was incandescent with anger.
Advertising is a polluting, censoring, anti educational and anti art industry at it's very core. It destroys human connections, suppresses human thought and makes us hate our own bodies. It ads no value, actively detracts from value, and serves no real purpose and I believe it should be almost if not entirely banned.
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my girl — jeongin x f!reader ; the boys find out their youngest has a gf
(1.3k words)
It’s a once in a while thing for the boys to be able to eat out together.
Challenges usually pose through schedule conflicts, one or the other being absent, and timing. They can never truly catch a break. So, when the first sign of a temporary alignment showed, they took the opportunity in a flash.
It was going to be their first dinner together in months, one of their off days.
Usually, the next challenge of indecisiveness would present itself. However, their youngest is quick to suggest a place.
Apparently, they had really good jjajangmyun.
(The boys didn’t know then, but it was because the faster they could decide where to eat, the faster he could go visit you.)
(They also didn’t know then that jjajangmyun was your favorite.)
A chorus of laughter echoes through the little corner store as they’re served their third plate of food. Jeongin didn’t lie about their food, and it was a safe enough space for them to celebrate the end of their latest comeback season.
“Seungmin, you’re getting really brave with your jokes about PD-nim.”
“I ran that contract renewal like the military.”
They spend the night joking, revisiting their past, and being hopeful for the future. A few grateful messages are exchanged after liquid courage is brought to their table. And while a simple night, the boys knew they’d remember this day for the rest of their lives.
There’s quiet pop music playing in the back—the kind you’d hear in the early 2000s. And Han Jisung orders another plate of jjajangmyun.
“Ayen, the food here is crazy good. How’d you find this place?”
Jeongin snaps out of his mental chant at the call of his name, fox-eyes trained on the older boy before the question reverberates in his mind. “My girlfriend recommended it.”
A pin drops.
Their youngest has a habit of lying, taken after his roommate, Seungmin. He usually does it with sneaky smiles and a few giggles. However, both signs indicative of lying are absent, and the boy has the audacity to refill his plate and keep eating as if he hadn’t just dropped a bomb on his members.
“Girlfriend?” Hyunjin is the first to speak, asking the boy to reiterate what he had just said, even though he heard. Loud and clear, in fact.
“Uhuh.” Jeongin replies through a mouthful of food. “What?”
He looks curiously around the table. His friends’ eyes are glazed, and he’d expected the conversation to be over three minutes ago, but it doesn’t.
Jeongin is in the middle of another bite when all hell breaks loose.
“Girlfriend?!” It’s said even louder now, more amplified, and Hwang Hyunjin stands from where he was previously seated in pure disbelief. All the while, their eldest is having an existential crisis. “Innie, what do you mean?”
He perks his head up, pursing his lips slightly and tilting his head. “What’s the big deal?”
“You have a girlfriend and you didn’t tell us?” It’s Han’s turn to be perplexed, and it’s humorous the way his features mimic the dramatic shock on Hyunjin’s.
Seungmin simply keeps eating.
“Yah, Kim Seungmin. Why aren’t you as surprised as us?”
“I already knew.”
“Seungmin knew, but not us?!”
“Not my fault he trusts me with dating advice.”
That boy definitely knows how to add fuel to fire. Chaos erupts as the younger half harass Seungmin for knowing before them.
“How long have you been dating?,” Minho asks.
“Just around 3 months now.”
If Chan was out of it then, you wouldn’t know how to describe his state now. Felix sits next to him to comfort the poor boy.
“My baby has been dating for 3 months, and I didn’t know anything.”
“Sorry.” Jeongin responds bashfully, scratching the back of his head. He knew his hyungs would act this way, which had led to his decision of keeping it hidden for a while. He thinks he should’ve just told them right away.
Though, he thought they’d known by now. He wasn’t exactly the most secretive about it, and he was sure he’d mentioned you before.
And although shocking to suddenly hear that their youngest (and their baby) had a girlfriend, they will not have his head for it. They know he’s responsible enough to know what not to do, and it was a little touching to know the boy had enough time to fit romance in his life.
“Show us what she looks like!”
The boys get a selfie of you that’s set as his lockscreen, and it’s enough proof to have the boys cooing at how adorable you two would be together.
“Motherfucker, she’s really pretty.” Changbin comments.
“I know.”
Meanwhile, Han and Hyunjin are making up fake scenarios in the corner, scrolling through photos and videos. Then a message.
While their youngest is distracted, Han quickly taps on the notification.
(8:23pm) innie: I miss u
(8:30pm) ynie: miss u too!!!!
(8:31pm) innie: Wish you were here right now
(8:32pm) ynie: aren’t u celebrating with ur friends rnnn
(8:32pm) ynie: stop texting me and enjoy !!!
(8:33pm) innie: But i miss u
(8:33pm) innie: Call me later?
(8:36pm) ynie: after you spend time with ur friends let’s call
(8:37pm) innie: Wanna call now. Just for a second
(8:37pm) innie: Haven’t heard your voice in a while
(8:37pm) ynie: ok fine >:( give me like 10-15 mins
(8:51pm) ynie: i’ll call now
“Oh my god, she’s calling.”
That’s definitely enough to get Jeongin’s attention.
“Give me my phone back.” He reaches out to them, but Hyunjin is fast enough to swipe it.
“Answer it!” Changbin instigates.
Jeongin’s eyes widen in horror when he hears your voice go through his phone. “Innie? Oh—hello.”
You sound so shy, and Chan feels like he’s about to cry. “She calls him Innie.”
The youngest finally snatches his phone back when all Hyunjin could do was stare at you through the screen of his phone. You were real. Yang Jeongin actually has a girlfriend.
“Hi.” He mumbles, moving away from their table to talk to you privately. Though, before he does, he makes sure he leaves a threat to the boys not to follow him. “‘M sorry, did they scare you, baby?”
“It’s okay, I was just surprised.”
Jeongin visibly melts at the sound of your voice. “The boys know about us now.”
“I figured.” You laugh, and the service at the restaurant doesn’t do the warmth of your laughter any justice. He can’t wait to see you later.
“Can I see you later?”
“Mkay, but just… enjoy your time with the boys, okay? You told me it’s been a while since all of you were able to relax over a meal like this.”
“Fine.” He sighs, before a smile creeps on his face. “They liked your suggestion.”
“That’s good. Now go!” There’s a pout on his lips when you shoo him away. “Go have fun, go! I’m hanging up now. Love you!”
“Love you too.”
The wide, bright smile remains on his face even when he goes back to their table.
“Who has our Ayen smiling like that?”
“My girl.”
“Innie’s getting soft.” Minho teases.
Seungmin, on the other hand, fake vomits at his response, and another chorus of laughter bursts from their seats. The night continues through conversations over Jeongin’s sudden revelation, and the promise to let the boys meet you properly next time. He agrees if they promise not to scare you away.
And while he’d kept you a secret for a while, he can’t help but feel a tinge of happiness in his heart that the most important people in his life know about you now, are even eager to meet you. There is no better contentment than all of the people he loves aligning with one another.
The entire night, Jeongin itches in anticipation to hold you in his arms and hear your voice in person after his schedules had torn apart his much needed quality time with you. And when he asks to leave, they don’t need to know where he’s going.
One look at his face, and the only evident answer is you.
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