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hollygl125 · 2 months ago

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On the background of one Dr. Gilbert Grissom (a few further thoughts):

This is a note from my first story on my two favourite science nerds, and I’ve been meaning for a while to put it up here on Tumblr as meta. I’ve also added some additional thoughts at the bottom.

I’m sure almost anyone reading this probably has their own thoughts on Gil Grissom and his background, so I wanted to expand a little on what my thoughts on Grissom were when writing this, beyond what fit into the narrative. (I guess I should give a spoiler alert on this, but I assume anyone reading this has seen to the end of the first season of CSI: Vegas; consider that your spoiler alert for my comments in the last paragraph.)

Growing up in the era he did, and seeing his parents’ marriage when he was a young child (his mother later claimed she and Grissom’s father had never spent a night apart when he, her late husband, was still alive), I imagine a young Gil had at one time vaguely expected he would grow up, get married, and have the stereotypical nuclear family—because he would have thought that was just what one did.

Toward the end of his doctoral studies (which he apparently completes at the age of 22, though I don’t know if that’s after his August birthday in 1978 or before it in 1979), when he’s finally around enough people his own age, he meets a girl who likes him and who is nice to him, and he starts dating her, and he thinks himself in love—he just doesn’t know any better.

There’s no spark, but Grissom doesn’t recognize that. He’s also really into his studies and his other scientific pursuits, and they always take priority—science takes the pot. When the relationship with the girl ends, he isn’t upset. He still generally imagines some future family life for himself, though, because, again, that’s just what one does.

After his relationship with the girl ends, he tries to date occasionally, but his heart is never in it, and he’s very much just going through the motions. He doesn’t have any trouble getting dates if he wants them because, hello, he’s young Billy Petersen, and he’s a stone-cold hottie. He doesn’t even have to ask girls out. The liberated ladies of the 1970s (and on) are asking him out. Still, there’s never any spark on his side, but he doesn’t really get that; he still doesn’t know any better.

Plus, the science and now his job still always take priority; he loves them both. This is a self-perpetuating phenomenon because, as the things that really interest him take priority, his attempts at dating and anything even resembling a relationship (and I don’t imagine there being any other relationships of note, nothing longer than a couple of months, maybe, at maximum—and even then with him barely seeing the women) do not go well.

As a result, even more Grissom prioritizes science and work. So then the dating and any attempts at relationships go even worse; he’s really not into them, and his heart is still never in it; ultimately, they make him feel sad and disconnected from humanity. At the same time, due to all the horrendous things he sees on the job, his opinion of humanity is plummeting.

As this continues, he begins to think there is something wrong with him; he sees something inherently lacking in himself and how he is with other people, if he tries to get too close to them. He builds walls: barriers between himself and other people, barriers between himself and the rest of the world, barriers between himself and humanity.

Grissom’s earlier vague ideas of an eventual marriage and possible family fade out completely. He otherwise remains good-natured but detached. He fears being known. A shell grows around his heart. He still very occasionally goes out on a date or a few dates and maybe very, very, very rarely goes home with a woman, but at that point it’s all just to prove to himself that he’s made the right decisions and he’s not missing out on anything; it still leaves him feeling sad and even more disconnected. Things stay like this for quite some time.

Then, nearly twenty years into this process, after he is (in his own mind) truly a confirmed bachelor for life, he meets this young woman. Her beauty and her brilliance and her wit (I think he’d find her witty, given how much they seem to speak the same language and operate on the same wavelength) and all her other charms all hit him basically at once, almost simultaneously. For the first time in his life, he feels a spark, and she feels it, too. For the first time, he really cares about beauty.

But by this point Grissom has put up all these walls and grown this shell, and he’s fully convinced of his own ineptitude in relationships. So he has absolutely no f***ing clue what to do about it—this spark, this woman, this beauty. He feels like he’d be this inexperienced teenager trying to court the woman, because he’s never done any of this properly; he’s never actually cared about a woman like this before. He’s convinced that he would ruin any serious romantic relationship with the woman, that he’s just not good enough for her. And, the longer he knows her, the more convinced of her goodness he is.

For over seven years, Grissom has no real clue what to do. But then really, even though he seems to learn for a while, we could say that for seventeen and a half years he still doesn’t completely get it; he still has this underlying insecurity about his own suitability for love and relationships and marriage; he still thinks he’s not good enough for the woman. In the end, though, I think he gets it. He is fully obsessed with his wife (in the best possible way), and I honestly don’t think he gives a f*** about much other than her.

Now, if perhaps you want a reminder of the hotness of a young (’80s) WP, this is my favourite GIF. I also recommend you check him out as Richard Chance in To Live and Die in L.A., Russell Murdock (seriously, the DILFiest of all DILFs) in Amazing Grace and Chuck, and Stud Cantrell in Long Gone.

(This note complements what I describe in the third chapter of my first story, so I’d recommend checking that out If you’re interested in reading more!)

I have to admit that my ideas on Grissom’s background really were a “necessity is the mother of invention” kind of thing. I needed him to have a backstory that fit with my understanding of him from canon but that also got me where I needed to go in terms of the story I wanted to tell about him and Sara and their first meeting.

But I will also admit that I have very much drunk my own Kool-Aid on this matter; what was once an invention for storytelling purposes has very much become my own headcanon. The more I’ve thought about it, the more it makes sense to me. If Grissom had never even tried to be in a relationship, to date, etc. before Sara came along, he wouldn’t have been so resistant to it all. He wouldn’t have been so convinced of his own unsuitability, his own inferiority, his own unlovability. For that shell to have grown around his heart, something else has to have happened. He has to have gone through the motions. He has to have at least tried to put himself out there. He has to have tried and failed at least a little bit.

Anyway, that’s my opinion; your thinking may vary! 💛

#gsr #otp: gsr #sara x grissom #grissom x sara #gil grissom #sara sidle #💛: survivors in the night #survivors in the night: a las vegas love story #how is he so hot???#he’s so handsome here #my thoughts and feelings on the two lovely science nerds

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blackjackkent · 4 months ago

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The bloodspattered key that we got off the Illasera display under the Ilmater temple doesn't have any indicator on it of what it goes to, so Rakha's only option is to try it on every lock in the Flophouse, I suppose.

She does take a quick look at the house rules in a book on a table in the lobby:

And the tenant logs on the counter:

None of these names ring any bells to her. There's also this in a book behind the counter, though, which is interesting:

"Extensive top floor extension?" Wyll says, reading over Rakha's shoulder. "Didn't notice that from the outside."

"For twenty gold, you would think they'd have done a better job," Jaheira murmurs dryly.

Upstairs, a stocky fellow in worker's clothes accosts her as they're trying to look around:

"What d'you reckon, lass?" he says, with the cheery conversational tone of someone who doesn't have anything better to do. "You trust these Steel Watcher thingymajigs?"

"Sure, why not?" Rakha says distractedly, already focusing on scanning the room for possible uses for the key in her pocket.

"Aye, do you now?" the man says impatiently. "Don't trust the whole thing, meself. S'all right while we can get work repairing 'em. But what happens when they build something else to do that? It's no good, I tell you."

Rakha, who did not ask to be part of this conversation, finds the beast in her head idly considering whether the man's body would fit into the nearby wardrobe if it were chopped into pieces.

She's distracted from pursuing this line of thought, however, by another set of voices from the other side of the dormitory area:

The master? Rakha thinks curiously. There are a number of troubling potential meanings for this - the Absolute? Bhaal? Bane? Gortash?

[STEALTH] Listen in.

Rakha is, in the general run of things, not particularly subtle - but these people are not paying much attention to their surroundings.

"The master said we have enough. The Black Mass is about to begin," the woman says.

"It's not for the master," the man says with a gleeful sneer. "It's for me. I want a beating heart there, ready for me when the Mass is complete and we're finally granted our freedom." He turns his head, enough that Rakha can see his eyes are glowing pale red. "After two hundred years of rats, I think we deserve a real drink."

Rats. Rakha remembers her foray into Astarion's mind the night he drank her blood - and the image in his memories of his teeth sinking into the belly of a squirming rat, draining it dry.

These are vampire spawn.

"There's no time," the woman says. "We are expected back at the palace."

"Relax." The man laughs. "The Black Mass won't start until master drags Astarion from whatever hole he's hiding in. We have time to find one more person."

(A/N: Had to pause here and look back to see what exactly Rakha knows about Astarion's history, because she managed to avoid learning anything about his scars. At this point - she knows Astarion was a slave to Cazador and that Cazador sent hunters after him, but not really much beyond that.)

All of Rakha's suspicions are confirmed. These are, indeed, more of Cazador's spawn, out on the hunt for victims in the way that Astarion has described from his past. Some of what they're saying doesn't make sense, though. Freedom?

As usual, Rakha is nothing if not direct. "What's a Black Mass?" she asks matter-of-factly from behind them, making both spawn jump.

A broad smile slides easily onto the man's face at once as he turns to face her. "Hello, beautiful," he purrs, winking at her. "I didn't see you there."

Wyll and Lae'zel both bristle at once at Rakha's sides. Rakha, for her part, doesn't move, though she feels a shudder of disgust as the vampire's eyes rake over her.

Wretch. Kill him, murmurs the beast urge in her skull. Show him how it feels to bleed...

"We were just discussing a... celebration being held in the palace of Cazador Szarr," the woman says smoothly. She, unlike her companion, seems uninterested in Rakha as anything more than a distraction; her smile has a pasted-on quality.

"You should come!" the man echoes eagerly. Rakha can see the subtle curve of his elongated incisor teeth. "It'll be the talk of Baldur's Gate."

Rakha stares at him, deeply puzzled by this conversational gambit. She still doesn't know what a Black Mass is, but the general implication is obvious. They are luring victims. "I don't normally accept invitations from strangers," she says coldly.

The man's smile widens. "Thank goodness we're such good friends, then!" he says brightly.

The woman rolls her eyes. "This is not the time, Petras," she snaps.

Petras gives an exaggerated sigh and lifts his hands in surrender. "Yes, dear sister, I know we have places to be. We'll leave once our good friends here have departed." Again that smile that shows every one of his teeth. "I look forward to seeing you at the palace, though," he tells Rakha. "It'll be a once-in-a-lifetime experience, I promise."

Rakha's mind is racing. The beast is growling, awake and angry after the strain of the past few days and all the people around her that she has held back from striking. And the clear and unmarred part of her brain, though weak in comparison, is also angry.

These are Astarion's brethren, eagerly seeking new targets for consumption and torment. They, it seems, are willing servants to whatever Cazador is plotting at the moment - something that he needs Astarion for. They are dangerous; they are monsters.

Wyll hunts monsters. This is a killing with purpose. It must be. It would protect their victims; it would protect Astarion.

Before she can fully process the thought, her knife is out in her hand, lashing forward, and she has a brief glimpse of a flash of alarm across Petras's face...

And then her blade passes through empty air.

Jaheira laughs under her breath, not unkindly. "A sight I have seen all too many times," she murmurs. "I could have told you it would do no good."

Wyll smiles slightly and reaches out to put a hand on Rakha's arm. "One of the nastier tricks vampires have up their sleeve," he says. "But I can't say I don't agree with the sentiment, anyway."

#bjk plays bg3 durge #rakha the dark urge #definitely hearing rakha's line in the tone of that john mulaney bit #“i didn't know he know how to DO that”

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pikahlua · 1 year ago

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Did you see the extras from volume 39? I read ruk’s translation of the imamura and am curious about it. Does it come off more as a cultural Japanese being-very-humble sort of thing ? Or is there something more going on under the surface that is worrisome?

It reads as not only super Japanese but super Horikoshi. Culturally, the west doesn't always talk about this sort of concept in the same way. What he's really talking about is how there is this ideal version of MHA that gets published when all people working on it come together and do their jobs. In the interest of the MHA final product, Horikoshi's editor is willing to take the heat for doing something that could be seen as inconsiderate of the other mangaka serialized in WSJ. Horikoshi is also being self-deprecating out of politeness to show how grateful he is for what his superiors occasionally do for his sake. He's also showing his gratitude to the fans by apologizing for any disappointment these changes may have caused them and for setting new, potentially lower expectations for us. A lot of these bits that are self-deprecating or show low self-esteem are very much Japanese cultural things.

I say it's super Horikoshi too because Horikoshi often behaves like something of a perfectionist. He does tend to apologize for not being basically a manga machine. The dude cranks out enviable quality and quantity each week all things considered. I'm pretty sure every mangaka on earth is jealous of what he accomplishes. But I'm sure in Horikoshi's mind, his efforts never quite achieve his most desired goal--to draw MHA the way he plans it from the outset. He speaks often of time constraints and physical limitations that prevent him from accomplishing everything he wants (which I imagine is 19 immaculately drawn pages each week). The thing is, other mangaka draw less detail because of these time constraints. Horikoshi's drawing goals are actually very lofty for the amount of detail he always puts in. What he manages to accomplish already is quite honestly insane. These goals and his implied level of perfectionism seem to be the root of a lot of his apologies, but I think he also is apologizing to himself for not getting to finish everything he wants to. And striving for perfection by trying your best is a big piece of the Japanese zeitgeist.

If your question is if we should be concerned about some hidden cry for help, I'd say no. Japan does have horrible work-life balance, and mangakas are notorious for such backbreaking schedules especially, but this is all the norm. Horikoshi speaks on these issues in no way that surprises me. I suspect Horikoshi doesn't often adjust his weekly drawing plans to what's feasible. He doesn't compromise. He's probably got the highest expectations for himself out of everyone. And he's likely been burnt out for quite a while now.

Also, the final line about not being fit for society reads like a joke. That whole bit about not causing trouble for others by meeting your deadlines is also very Japanese and collectivist. It's a normal collectivist society thing to not want to be a burden to others. Hell, just look at Izuku. You may read him as special for his heroism, but very much about Izuku reads more like the (ideal) Japanese everyman to whom readers are meant to relate.

#anon ask #ask pika

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heartberrydog · 16 days ago

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inquiring out of curiosity and love for your craft and your analysis!

the impression I get from your interpretation is that dazai only ever slept with chuuya - or mostly chuuya, anyway.

for the context, the impression I personally get of dazai in the context of his sexual relations is that he does sleep with people - not neccesarily only women but he doesn't talk about it - as a coping mechanism and an escape from loneliness. as a way to brush off other people, to being briefly, if only physically, understood by someone. dazai is still a very alienated person, after all, and in most cases he either fucks and dissapears or has friendly relationships where he doesn't fully reveal himself - he does enjoy people and encounters with them, he just can't stand actual, true intimacy (or when it's said out loud). but on top of it all I think that dazai either already had relationships with chuuya of sexual or romantic nature before, though it wasn't discussed openly and wasn't neccesarily exclusive/commited - or he wishes he could have something like that with chuuya some day. also he, very likely, has used his body for information or other professional exchange before, I think nurse scene hints at that.

has he only ever truly considered chuuya in your take? I'm very curious as to how you interpret women that dazai apparently broken hearts of by chuuya's own words, or his stalkers/mailers. is it not of interest to you and you don't see him from that lense or it's rather that the nature of this relationship doesn't seem sexual to you? maybe he just does it all for fun? how do you view chuuya in this regard, has he ever had sex or attempted relationship with anyone else? with who, if yes, random one night stands or people from the business? in what time period in your interpretation they start being sexual with one another? how do you interpret the whole "I want to die with a beautiful women" thing, the usual dazai bullshit or a hint at his desire to be understood/accepted or something else entirely?

sorry for the unusually long question/text wall, I'm genuinely extremely interested in your takes on bsd and soukoku because they seem very interesting and well though out (as well as your texts hehe). I hope it doesn't trouble you to answer!

Hi hii! This is such an interesting ask!!! ( ˶°ㅁ°) !!

Genuinely thank you so much for leaving it! 💗💕 These are all things I have very specific opinions about that I’m always waiting to talk about!!! o( > ᗜ < )o ₊˚⊹♡

Okay let’s take these in order 😈

Firstly, yes, I do believe that in the canon Universe, or, well, my personal rendition of it, Dazai would only sleep with Chuuya and nobody else.

BUT, I agree that he would sleep with random people (Well. Men, I headcanon him as strictly gay) in an AU where he either doesn’t meet Chuuya as young as he does in canon, or has made a habit of sleeping with people before he meets Chuuya, or gets separated from Chuuya for a really long time and genuinely doesn’t think they’ll ever see each other again.

The canon Universe, doesn’t fit any of those criteria, so 💔 (except perhaps the being separated one, but whether he saw Chuuya again or not was ENTIRELY in his hands in that scenario. So he always expected them to reconnect, because it was always his choice to make, and he knew that he was going to make it someday. He literally called them meeting again in the dungeon a “reunion long in the making”)

Now as for why I believe this, there are a handful of reasons, and I feel like they all kind of tie into each other.

Firstly, I believe Dazai to be on the asexual spectrum. The aromantic one, too, but that's not particularly relevant in this situation. I think he's somewhere under the demisexual umbrella, which means that he genuinely cannot enjoy sex with someone he doesn't know very well/feels connected to/whatever. And I believe the only person he's actually capable of feeling this way about is Chuuya.

To me, he's at the very far end of the spectrum, in the sense that he wouldn't want that with anybody at all, but he just so happened to meet the ONE person that meets all of his hyper-specific criteria that would allow for an exception. This head-canon is mostly based on vibes (and projection) but I also think it fits thematically for him.

His ability literally entitled No Longer Human is touch-based. And, he feels like that ability dehumanizes him. Abilities dehumanize mostly everyone in BSD, and especially people that are... Anywhere but in the ADA. They turn children into tools, into weapons. This is shown time and time again, and even more so, despite there being an argument to make about how Dazai's intelligence is what actually dehumanizes him, NLH is the icing on the cake. That ability is so useful and so overpowered, it is the final thing that turns him into an elite weapon.

And NLH is bound to his skin. It is activated by touch. Can we be surprised he grows to distain it? Not only because of the dehumanization, but also because he keeps needing to fucking touch people. Strangers. Over and over.

This is also why I think he wears his bandages. They are placed in such a peculiar way. Covering every inch of his skin that isn’t covered by clothing except his hands. Even his fucking neck, in what context would someone need to touch his neck? He can't cover his hands because that would render his ability useless. He cannot cover his face because he needs to see and breathe, or whatever. But in his teens, he does cover half of it. At least half. At least he's not leaving it fully bare.

This motherfucker is so touch repulsed it's insane. And the way he uses his ability, when he has to, reinforces this. He nullifies Atsushi's ability for the first time with a single finger. He places one single hand on Chuuya's neck when they first meet. He never touches more than what is strictly necessary, when it comes to strangers.

Was that “I'm not interested in hugging men” moment towards Atsushi really a “I'm not gay” moment, or was it “I'm not interested in hugging. I don't want you touching me. But I have to play that off. But I have a persona to keep up.”

So, I don't think sleeping with people would work as a coping mechanism. He wouldn't find any escapism through that because bare touch, to him, is inherently vulnerable.

The reason why I feel like he might do it anyway in AUs where Chuuya is not present for whatever reason, is because he is desperate for that closeness to somebody and he doesn't have anybody to project that onto, so he goes into it every time hoping something will change; it is nothing but a stale, fruitless habit. Or, he'd use sex strictly as self-harm, and if he's never had sex with Chuuya at all in such an AU, he probably wouldn't even know it's not supposed to feel like this and he is meant to enjoy it.

And even if this wasn't the case, other people aren't capable of understanding him in the slightest. It would be irritating simply because the person is incapable of reading his mind and doesn't know the hyper-specific way he wants to be treated and fucked. Dazai? Expressing his… wants?? 😨😨

And otherwise, if Chuuya is an option, why would he bother with someone else? Why would he have uncomfortable unfulfilling sex that he hates if the only person that understands him in the exact way which he wishes to be understood, is able to fulfill all of his desires perfectly without him even having to voice them, and that he is simply just interested in and fascinated by like no other is RIGHT there? Having sex with someone else when Chuuya is an option would make the encounter even worse for him, because he's aware of what he could have instead.

So, whatever complex relationship they do have would be exclusive imo, simply because Dazai knows putting the energy into having sex with someone else wouldn't pay off at all, and would only work at making him feel bad, dirty, and uncomfortable.

That being said, I do agree he was taught to use his body as a tool. I think all Mafia members are. This is not only shown through the nurse scene, yes, but also through that Kyouka scene where her first idea for distracting someone is using her "womanly charms". A 14 year old girl. Sigh.

But, Dazai is clever. And he is especially clever with his words. Even though this is a standard Mafia practice, and something he has been told and taught to do, he's able to dodge ever having to actually end up having sex. He can flirt, and he can tease, and he can withhold and dangle sex like a prize until his goal is achieved before the act is even initiated. Then he slips away from the situation. He'd touch the other person using his hands at MOST, when someone is being incredibly stubborn and not budging at all, because that's detached enough, and nobody is actually touching him in any way, he's doing all the touching, and he also mostly uses his hands as the outlet of his ability as well so it helps making it feel like a strictly work-related affair. And he'd know how to talk his way into making that seem like enough, how to make that seem like more than enough, even.

Plus, being instructed to use his body this way would only make him even more touch-repulsed, I fear. Not only is he a weapon, but now he's being reduced to a mere undefined object, too, because of his godforsaken body. He is told to give up all of his personhood and his identity and dignity in order to fulfill a goal. He is being viewed as nothing but a means to an end. Never a fucking person.

His body is the only thing that is permanently his, that he cannot get rid of even if he tried, and he is taught time and time again that it is nothing but a tool. Through fighting, and using his ability, and even offering it as a sexual object, it is nothing but a tool. Of course he feels uncomfortable in his own skin, of course he hates it, of course he wants to cover it up, and of course he never wants anyone to touch him ever again.

Regarding the next point, I have a lot of thoughts about Dazai's relations with and opinions on women as a whole. As in, I think he's deeply misogynistic.

The only reason this slips by people, including the audience, is because he’s not conventional about it in the slightest. Misogyny is not just screaming from the top of your lungs that women don’t deserve rights and they belong in the kitchen, or whatever the fuck. Misogyny can be the very societally acceptable, you know… Disregard for a woman’s boundaries and not taking ‘no’ for an answer *cough* the waitress *cough*. Or leading women on/lovebombing for entertainment and without guilt, as I believe he has done with those women Chuuya says he ‘left crying’.

Plus. He threatens Dazai with giving those women his address, right? Which implies that Chuuya has their contacts, somehow. And Chuuya uses the specific phrase “you left crying” so it’s safe to assume Dazai initiated those interactions then called it quits. Even more so, it implies that he gave them Chuuya’s number instead of his own, presumably because he didn’t want further contact. If it was a consensual one-night stand kind of deal I don’t think those women would have any reason to be crying? Even if they wanted it to happen again, Dazai not wishing for that wouldn’t be heartbreak. Maybe if he acted particularly loving for spectacle and then gave them his [Chuuya’s] number and those women were expecting something more? But I don’t think that’s the case either. Like I don’t think pretending that he loves the person he’s having sex with would serve Dazai for… anything. It wouldn’t help make him feel less alone, and he wouldn’t believe those lies himself. It would be entirely futile unless he’s trying to get some entertainment out of simply fucking with the women’s heads and hearts, which I believe he would do if he wasn’t touch repulsed. So. He does it. Without touch having to get involved. Catch my drift?

So, no, I don’t think those relationships were sexual. I do not think they were anything at all, honestly. They were either transactional (as in, other instances of Dazai using his body, except he only needed to use his charm and good looks and it didn’t have to go further), or they were just Dazai being bored.

He views women, and the prospect of the romantic/sexual they believe can happen (which can’t, not only because of the aforementioned aro/ace identity and touch repulsion, but also because, again, I believe he is STRICTLY gay) as entertainment or tools, and nothing more.

With Higuchi, for example, he flirts with her strictly to distract her attention and plant the tracker. Same thing with Sasaki. We joke about the whole “I’d say she’s sexy as hell” line all the time but like… Is that REALLY what you want to say to a woman you just rescued from death?? And then when he flirts with her he does it strictly to gain something, and he immediately ‘ships’ her with Kunikida for no reason. You know, as if women should always be put in relation to men and any woman/man interaction that isn’t hostile must be of romantic nature?

The woman who dies in the first Ranpo episode, he immediately starts going on and on about her looks. Of a dead woman. And how he wishes, if she was gonna die anyway, she would’ve committed double suicide with him. The way he starts objectifying and viewing this corpse in regards to himself IMMEDIATELY 😭 Lmao.

I’m not saying I expected him to have genuine sympathy. This is Dazai after all. I’m just saying that he jumped to objectifying her SO quick. He always does.

And I don’t believe this is because he’s actually attracted to them. The opposite, actually. Attraction, romantic or sexual or of whatever kind, to Dazai are very, very delicate things, as I’ve detailed previously. He is not one to play with something like that simply for fun.

Even more so, if he was taught to use his body to gain things, do we think the accent of that fell on men or women? It would be safe to assume it was both, right, because that would be objectively more useful?

Okay. Then why does he never use these methods with men when he’s in the ADA? I don’t think saying he’s not attracted to them really works here, because this is not about who he is or isn’t into, this is a work-related affair. Don’t think you could reasonably claim he was into Higuchi, for example.

Well, I think it’s because with a woman, he’s always in the more dominant position, you know, the masculine position. Which he would never willingly be in a genuine sexual relationship, so it helps detaching from the situation. If he was trying to flirt with a man, due to the ways seducing a man and seducing a woman tend to differ, which he was taught, he’d have to be on the more submissive position, aka the feminine position. We see that Dazai doesn’t have a problem with being perceived as feminine (the whole Snow White thing as a concrete example, and just?? his way of being??? he presents very feminine tbh), so that’s not the problem here. It’s not the emasculation. It’s because he’s undeniably (key word because he’s still technically the object in such a relation with a woman, but he intentionally spins that around so the woman is always more objectified than him) the sexual object in this situation, not the other man + in a situation where he’d be able to be the masculine counterpart in an M/M type of flirting situation, it could also be argued that he simply has too much respect for men to objectify them like that.

I mean, not only has Dazai never had any good or important relationships with women, he hasn’t had relationships with women at ALL in his formative years. Kouyou or maybe Gin are the closest, but I don’t think strictly workplace relationships would count enough to make an impact.

Otherwise, all of his friends were men, his partner and the person he worked with most was a man, his boss was a man, his mentee was a man. Idek what I should call Hirotsu in relation to him, but he is a man too.

Two of these people stand out, the most important people to Dazai at the time. That being, Chuuya and Oda—Dazai’s sole examples, at the time, of what a human is like. Both are very masculine men. The humanity which he reveres in them, is mostly made up of masculine traits.

What Dazai considers humanity is the capacity for great emotion, the inability to stomp it even when it would benefit the person. What he reveres in Chuuya most is his anger, his violent outbursts, his cockiness, his power. You know, the most masculine kind of emotion. Violence and masculinity are historically interlinked.

What he reveres in Oda is kindness, which would be a stereotypically feminine trait, yes, but it is kindness through the masculine lens. It is kindness through protection. Even if he doesn’t do it lethally, or misses on purpose, we see that Oda is willing to resort to violence if for the means of protection. When he picks up Akutagawa in Dead Apple, he starts shooting aimlessly. Dazai himself challenges this when he tries to force Oda to shoot that Mimic member before he shoots Dazai. What he is testing there is How much violence is Oda willing to resort to for the sake of protecting? How much will he sacrifice his ideals for his loved ones?

Through both of these, he has subconsciously equated humanity with masculinity.

Which is also a big part of why I view him as genderqueer, because he doesn’t view himself as human, so he doesn’t view himself as fully a man either, but I have another ask in my inbox where I can get into more detail about that. This is still relevant here, though, because it makes his misogyny gain hints of internalized misogyny as well. (EDIT: Here’s the post for easy access <3)

(And even though he interacts with a lot more women in the ADA, all of his important relationships still remain with men. His ‘human’ scope extends to Atsushi and Kunikida, and maybe Ranpo, but it’s still just… Men. He recognizes Yosano, for example, as a woman worthy of respect but he doesn’t. He doesn’t really care for her existence. He’s not a RADICAL misogynist to the point where he would bring down any woman, he recognizes that women have merits, he just puts the women that do and the women that “don’t” in separate categories, and only deems one of those groups worthy of respect. Plus, even with women he does respect, he doesn’t interact with. He doesn’t care for them. Most notable interactions Dazai has had with women where he wasn’t objectifying them were that scene when he’s talking with Kyouka on an ear piece, and the scene where he tells Gin she’s grown. And the Gin scene is fucking debatable considering it could be argued he did that for no reason other than to embarrass her.)

Anyway. This derailed a bit. POINT WAS. Dazai’s “attraction” to women is superficial and objectifying, and his only notable relationships are with men. And also, idk where this could be inserted organically in the analysis so I’m just gonna add it here: I believe the womanizer trope is inherently misogynistic.

So… No. I don’t think those relationships were sexual. Explained in too many words 😔

Chuuya gives me a very different impression, though. I find this so funny because I have basically assigned Dazai every kind of queer identity under the sun, in some way (+ I also believe he’s autistic. Should’ve probably mentioned this in the touch-repulsion thing too but I forgot), and then the only thing Chuuya has is... bisexuality 💗

Maybe a hint of demiromanticism. Actually. Yeah. Definitely demiromanticism. But that is IT.

So, I do think he’d sleep around very casually. Honestly I could see Chuuya sleeping with almost every adult in the BSD cast 💀

Or, well, I think he’d be willing to, but it’s debatable if the other person would, and he’s not going to be the one to initiate anything, so…

Which brings me to the answer to the other question. I don’t think he’d go for people in the business himself, he’d probably only initiate things with strangers, but if someone from the business happens to initiate it (and is also sober and legal ofc ofc), he’d most likely go along with it.

Not trying to say he’s like ahajsn a slut or anything. He’s just a chill guy 😔

But, if I were to actually justify this belief, I think Chuuya is a very very flexible individual. So much of his existence is based on catering to others, so of course he is. I also don’t believe he’s very picky when it comes to these kinds of things. He doesn’t exactly have a type when it comes to looks, and he doesn’t view sexual relationships as something that needs to have personality compatibility, so as long as someone isn’t plain icky, he’d probably accept sleeping with them.

Plus, if the other person initiates it, that’s always an ego boost, you know? And even if they don’t, I do think this man KNOWS how to flirt + he’s hot 😔

I couldn’t tell you how he picks the people he goes for, honestly. Probably just vibes. He’s not like Dazai to psychoanalyze every detail about each person down to the micro-habits or whatever. Probably due to him being neurotypical. And regardless, he can mold himself to most types of people and their personalities/wants/needs. The only thing I don’t think he’d be able to do is act submissive, honestly. That one’s just not in his nature 😔

But I don’t think he’d try actual relationships with anyone. Honestly he didn’t even try with Dazai either, it just kind of happened. I believe he understands the risks dating someone brings to someone with his… occupation. And dating someone from the business would be suuuper awkward + he can’t really deny the power dynamic, considering he ranks above most people in the Mafia, and since Dazai’s departure there aren’t any executives for him to date.

I just don’t think he finds appeal in workplace relationships. Dazai is an exception because their relationship was never just strictly workplace, and technically they met before either of them were even working there.

Still believe his and Dazai’s relationship would be exclusive, though. Not because it is anything official or discussed or acknowledged, but simply because Chuuya understands the way Dazai is. Not only does he know that Dazai would never be capable of sleeping with anyone else, but he also knows that Dazai possessive. And, strangely, I do think Chuuya… respects that, in a way? Like he respects Dazai and their bond too much to go around sleeping with other people when he knows Dazai would be opposed to it, even if he never voices it. I actually have a fic idea in the works that tackles this but… I never know when any of my ideas are actually gonna end up getting written 😭

As for when they start being sexual with one another, I don’t have a concrete time. I like not having specific head-canons for these kind of things so I have more freedom with my fics, and also because I’m so full of ideas I could NEVER settle with a single time or place or way that could start and be happy with it. There are always variations.

Though as a time-frame, it’s almost always between 16 and 18, mostly leaning on early 17/late 16—after Stormbringer, in any case. If needed for a particular plot line, or character beat, or whatever regarding the form of the text, I’m also willing to do 22+. I don’t think I’d ever go 16-, though.

Shjensjs I feel like this could’ve fit better somewhere in my gigantic misogyny rant, but I saved it for the end specifically because it was mentioned here. I have… takes on that. Dazai’s whole “suicide with a beautiful woman” spiel, i mean.

I’ve said some of my opinions on Dazai’s suicidality as a whole in the previous analysis, and I do stand by that. I find the fact that he moreso enjoys the attempts and the romanticized idea of death than actual death relevant here. Doing it with someone, specifically a woman, adds to the romanization.

I’ve seem people say before that this is moreso about Dazai being lonely and not wanting to die alone, which I do agree with but in a bit of an unconventional way. His loneliness cannot be filled, and he is aware of this. He knows dying by someone’s side won’t make him feel less alone, but he likes the idea of feeling so, or at the very least the idea of other people not perceiving him as lonely.

Don’t think I’ve mentioned this before, but I do think Dazai, much like any man ever, feels the societal pressure to be attracted to women. It’s the “default”. Due to me viewing him as autistic, I believe he’d psychoanalyze the shit out of societal norms and bend himself to meet them so he stops feeling so alienated from his peers (it doesn’t work ofc). Which is another reason for him to dislike women, really—him being attracted to them is a societal expectation that he is not capable of meeting, and so he pretends he does. I meannn… He never really showed interest towards women until he left the Mafia, right? Until he was out in the “normal” world, per se? No longer in the underground where being gay was probably, at the very least, acceptable as a vice?

The ideal of this ‘romantic suicide’ isn’t about the woman (but it has to be a woman, otherwise it wouldn’t be perceived as romantic. Gay people aren’t exactly recognized by society + once again that thing about Dazai subconsciously respecting men too much + him not wanting to be seen as gay), or about dying by the side of someone he loves (even more so, one of Dazai’s ways of showing affection is precisely being AGAINST a person dying. This isn’t about a genuinely romantic suicide, it’s about a romanticized suicide. About it being perceived as romantic by outsiders), as dictated by the fact that he is particularly looking for a woman he is not acquainted with in any way. It’s literally his leading offer with any new woman he talks to. Motherfucker STARTS conversations with this 😭😭

Plus, this ideal reinforces his objectification of women and his use of them for his entertainment. Through wishing for a double suicide with a woman, he is basically saying his death should also, ideally, mean the death of a woman. He is saying women interest him most when they’re willing to kill themselves (or when he can mess with them, in a broader sense). He is, again, viewing the value and existence of a woman in relation to himself and what they can provide him. He is carelessly including a, hypothetical, sure, but potentially real woman’s life in his fantasy of death; he seems to be okay with sacrificing the life of any random and probably mentally unwell woman in order to fulfill a goal of his.

This is why it makes me so mad when people in fics make him offer double suicide to someone he’s genuinely interested in 😭 Namely Chuuya, obviously, but shhh.

Dazai doesn’t think dying by someone’s side is genuinely romantic, just superficial romantic. He romanticizes his own death (and doesn’t care for the woman he’d do it with enough to even form opinions on hers), because he doesn’t value his own life, but he’d never do that with someone he genuinely cares for. When he cares for someone, he wants them to live so bad it’s honestly… a little endearing, sometimes. How he values life so intrinsically and subconsciously despite his upbringing, and his desensitization to death, and his belief that he is inhuman and incapable of genuine emotion.

+ It’s literally CANON that Dazai wouldn’t want to commit double suicide with Chuuya 💀 That time in SB where Mori agrees that Dazai’s wish for the perfect death would finally be fulfilled if he got killed by Guivre, but says he knows Dazai will fight anyway because if he allowed himself to be killed, nobody would be able to save Chuuya and they’ll essentially commit double suicide together?? And then Dazai says “Committing a double suicide with you would be the worst. Just this once, I’ll take this seriously”???

Like, both interpreting this as Dazai intended it to sound (double suicide with Chuuya is entirely repulsing to him because them dying side by side would ruin the romanticism), or as what he was probably actually feeling (he will not be able to enjoy his death, even if it is exactly as he’s idealized it, if he know Chuuya will also have to die due to his selfishness) lead to the same conclusion. THIS FUCKER DOESN’T WANT CHUUYA TO DIE!!! He doesn’t want his death to mean Chuuya’s death!!! Because he views Chuuya’s life as more precious than himself, and because Chuuya is dear to him and one of Dazai’s most prominent love languages is feeling responsible for the lives of those he cares for. Especially so in Chuuya’s case. Especially when Corruption is involved. I like to think this is more romantic than wishing to die with a random stranger.

MOVING ON. You have nothing to be sorry for!! These are always my favorite kind of asks to reply to. I adore talking about my opinions and writing analyses wbsksj especially if I can be sure someone’s interested in reading them!! (๑>◡<๑)

If you’re interested in more of my weird little opinions I talk about them unprompted all the time in my ao3 comment replies <3 I have a hunch you might enjoy going through the comment sections and seeing what analysis you can fish out. Or just leave more asks. That definitely works too. I love asks >:D

Have a fantastic day!! 💕💗💓💕💗

#🫀 — asks!#💌 — analysis!

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gemini-queen42 · 27 days ago

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Mini Batb: OTH lore dump + doodle :]

So, in Other Than Human Lumiere is both the maitre d' & Princess Eve's ballet teacher- [In-depth explanation/story bit under the cut]. Maestro Forte gets involved via playing the music to be danced to when he can (sometimes there's other people, other instruments- the ballet practices kind of evolved/ get worked out to be these mutually Beneficial practice times)(kinda cool) But Forte is the one who gets most involved with it, and That is the beginning of Lumiere & Forte's.. very strained (questionably) amicable... acquaintanceship...

[I know, I know- Forte's expression isn't giving what it's supposed to... this kind of overall isn't giving what I wanted it to but I'm not. fixing it today so. sorry lads hgjdgk]

[I vaguely refferenced an art piece of ballet dancers from the rococco era for Lumiere's fit and.. mmm . hmm. hrm.]

the way Lumiere became Eve's ballet teacher went something along the lines of this:

little Eve has suddenly become Very Insistent that she MUST learn Ballet ASAP. In fact, she demands she must start lessons Tomorrow at the Latest. Thing is, they don't exactly have a qualified ballet teacher just.. on hand. The princess has expected lessons in ballroom dancing and whatnot but Ballet isn't exactly among that repertoire. And the hiring process is a very thorough one, which especially cannot be properly completed by tomorrow morning starting on short notice this very afternoon (This is the staffing of a Castle, after all- and Cogsworth is a man very dedicated to his job).

Eve doesn't take no, Cogsworth doesn't sacrifice quality- there's a bit of a stalemate. luckily Eve has never learned to be subtle about anything in her entire life and is very, very loud with her displeasure. Usually that's not a postive, but here it's what allows Lumiere to take notice and inquire on what's got their petite Evie so worked up today- and thus learn of the situation.

L: "Well- I could teach her."

C: "...you know ballet?"

L: "Well, I'd sure hope so- I spent my teen years as a professional ballerina."

C: "And what of your duties as Maitre d'?"

L: "Ah, mon ami- you worry too much~ It's only temporary, non? For until you find an actual teacher to hire" (Implied: or until Eve loses interest)

The plan was that Lumiere would serve as Eve's dance teacher temporarily as a perfect solution to satisfy the princess while giving Cogsworth time to be his meticulous self with finding someone who could do it full time- (should this be more than a passing whim of the girls') Of course, that's not how it goes- Time passes, more pressing matters occur for the majordomo, Lumiere has little troubles operating all her duties, Eve & Lumiere work out a good system for them- yippee!

Now lets talk about Forte's Role in all of this:

Forte is our favorite internal Bad Influence. Somewhere on here I've discussed before how a lot of Eve's views were shaped by forces & people that are outside our main servant cast. Forte would be one of those forces and likely the Most consistent.

Forte is the type of guy who thinks "I am more skilled than you, and thus I am Above you." He desires power, and renown, and respect, and not to deal or do things he considers beneath him.

Perhaps the only reason he so easily complies with the whole ballet situation is because the songs are classic, respected things. And often times, he can play what he desires instead- times more focused on the art of creating & matching choreography to the music. That, and it's for the princess.

He is, in a sense, a perfectionist in nature- at the very least, he is one when it comes to criticizing others.

Eve included- although he frames it as something friendlier, as "advice". And Forte's opinions are very much- All the things that feed into all the toxic ideals, behaviors, & issues that ballet has a history of! The pursuit of perfection, perfection down to the bones, perfection that Breaks people.

All the ideas that Lumiere is being SO CAREFUL to keep Eve from falling into- because she's seen what that's done to people. and the princess, with all her flaws, has become like a little sister to her- and even if she wasn't, Still!- but the slope is a subtle one in its beginning seeds, hard to detect if you're unfamiliar- and so Lumiere can't do much to call Forte out on it. Because nothing he says is Blatant enough to do so.

So Lumiere just has to try and counteract it, and hope that either Eve takes her word over Fortes- or Lumiere will notice if things go south.

Except- well, Lumiere is also the maitre d', so she can get busy- and, well, she doesn't really need to be there if Eve is Just Practicing- and.. well, often Forte is there as well, without Lumiere there to respond- and..... Eve can be surprisingly sneaky for certain things.

It is a battle lost and proven to be when the Enchantress makes her entrance, and Eve can hide nothing as The Beast.

There is an undercurrent of guilt, in Eve's mind when she'd blatantly disregard Lumiere's words.

There is an inescapable guilt, in Lumiere's mind when she's realized how she's failed the girl.

[This post feels messy overall so if there's any bits that are hard to read/you don't understand let me know & I'll try to explain/fix them<33]

#sorry that got angsty near the end but like #I mean can you really say it was unexpected??#I need to stop looking at the art I hate each time i look again #but I REFUSE to be perfectionist with it..#Maestro Forte's wig was trying to kill me initially mayn #I keep failing to give Lumiere her fake lil make-up mustache...#her og concept stuff/her vibes are supposed to be like. at least kinda Drag King-y and I keep FAILING her girl I'm so sorry..#This is such a messy post in general..#Trying to include things I want ppl to read in the Actual Post instead of just tag rambling but I worry that's the Problem here...#gem stop yapping in ur tags #batb: Other Than Human #batb: OTH #batb: OTH Lumiere #Princess Eve #batb: OTH Princess Eve #forte is.. not that different from cannon?? but also my memory is bad so #play it safe #batb: OTH Maestro Forte #batb: OTH Cogsworth #since he's mentioned #doodlez #Lore #ramblez brambles #batb #beauty and the beast

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autisticgirliesbracket · 2 years ago

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What makes Dendy from OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes the autistic girlie ever of all time? Here's what the people have to say:

Dendy-related asks/reblogs: x This post will be updated after each round!

Image ID in alt text and under the readmore.

[Image ID. White slide with a screenshot of Dendy in the top left corner. She is surrounded by text boxes which read,

"literally just look up a photo of her and youll understand. buuuut lets see uhh. she shows special interests in technology and these things in the show called pow cards. she has trouble understanding others emotions. her expressions are so. yknow. :|. when she shows up the show literally has this running gag where it plays a YAYYYY stock sfx in the bg. its literally the autism creature yippie. also shes just really cool and deserves to win everything ever. thank you for your time. watch ok ko."

"She's the little tech dork trope but I actually like how she pulls it off! She's constantly impressing K.O. and K.O. even calls her 'A science wizard' once! One of her nicknames that's canon is literally just 'Science baby' and I think that's so cute for her- She even says that she taught herself coding because it's a way to express herself, and I love that so much for her! Anyways I think she's more autistic coded than canonically Autistic but I love her anyways and think she'd fit right in!"

"Idk I just think she's cute and some other people like her, I hope she does well in this bracket"

"Shy, intelligent, and very good at hacking. Takes idioms literally and can act insensitively, but is sweet and has good intentions. Special interests are technology and trading cards. Often accompanied by the sound of kids cheering (not ASD related i just think its neat)."

"Okay, so: Dendy from OK KO is portrayed from the very beginning of the show as a young girl (around KO's age, since he's somewhere around 6-9) who is very logical and structured in her way of seeing the world, but struggles with social cues and expectations that aren't clearly laid out. She has a keen special interest in POW Cards (in-universe trading cards, basically), and this is how she first meets and connects with the protagonist KO. What I adore about this show is that it highlights what lots of people consider to be her being autistic, in a positive light. She has character arcs and self improvement like all of the characters do, she's not perfect, but her way of thinking and being is not demonized in any capacity, even if some characters occasionally don't 'get' her perspective, that's shown the same way as when /she/ doesn't get /their/ perspective. It's not canon that she's autistic, but there's a lot in this show that is coded without being stated explicitly, and because the show is very heavy handed (it is a kid's cartoon!) you get a lot of the positive messages you might expect like "celebrate differences" and whatnot without ever explicitly saying that she's autistic. However I think that it was very much intended! There are probably way better infodumps on Dendy being autistic than this one, haha, but I love her so much!"

"OUGHHH I CANT EVEN WORDS!!!! ANY DENDY CLIP SHOWS IT, SHES THE WORLDS BEST KAPPA UFHFHDBSB"

"Look at her. Silly kappa. I love her. She loves computers. She doesn’t understand emotions. She loves her friend K.O. She wants to be a hero. She’s so good. My sweet baby"

"she has a special interest (coding/robot stuff), she has trouble with empathy, she doesn't pick up on social cues, and more stuff I can't completely put into words cause I'm really bad at that :,)"

"I resonated very deeply with this awkward little kappa but aside from that I got the vibes from her monotone and formal speaking pattern and the way she struggled with understanding social cues or sarcasm. She's also extremely literal and logical to a fault sometimes (like myself) and she's got special intesests in tech and pow cards. She does struggle with understanding how her actions may effect others sometimes but she means well and does try to show that she cares once she does understand. I also see her backpack ("hack-pack") as a comfort item for her as she tends to take it with her everywhere and doesn't allow others to touch it, including her best friend, K.O."

"She's shown to behave in a way where she doesn't show her emotions that much, but when someone brings up her special interests she becomes a gremlin (In this case, POW Cards), she stims on screen, she's shown to be hyperfixated on technology and that's where she's able to infodump and such, im not sure how to explain this very well but yeah, as someone who is autistic themselves, i feel dendy is a great autistic girl!!" End ID.]

#autistic girlies bracket #autistic girlie masterpost #ok ko! let's be heroes #dendy

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applesandbannas747 · 2 years ago

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hi there ✧⁠◝⁠(⁠��⁠▿⁠⁰⁠)⁠◜⁠✧

I've been getting into fence recently, and got given the novels for my birthday today, and I was wondering...where do they fit into the canon of the comics, and the reading order?

also, follow up....are they going to ruin the comics for me, because I've read a lot about mischaracterisation, ableism, racism and worse in them recently?

Hey friend! Welcome to Fence!! And of course happy birthday—I hope it’s been a great one! 💜

So the novels exist in a weird pseudo-canon black hole. I honestly believe they were supposed to be more canon than they ended up being but either Pacat realized that he let the author of the novels, Sarah Rees Brennan, get ahead of the story in his excitement OR because of fan reaction/further consideration after Disarmed came out, Pacat ended up backtracking. The novels are meant to take place after RIVALS (volume 4) and before RISE (volume 5) and cover a couple of weeks in that stretch of time. However, RISE picked up right after RIVALS with no hint of any adventures having happened. The novels are not referenced at all—the biggest nod to it is Seiji wearing a watch. That’s the only acknowledgment of it at all, which is strange because some pretty substantial developments happen in the duology that could not be ignored. That is to say, RISE continues to develop something the novels conclusively resolved with no explanation other than the events of the novels simply never happened. Pacat has said that the novels are 80% canon, but the events clearly aren’t included in that 80%—the characterization from the novels does carry over to the comics, so if you notice a difference between volume 3 and RIVALS (volume 4), that’s where that came from. (Striking Distance was written before and during RIVALS (volume 4), despite being published after it.)

The novels are completely unnecessary to read and irrelevant to the plot. So if you read the novels, it’s for your own enjoyment. You probably came to them the same way most Fence comic fans did—through a love of the story and the characters and a desire to spend more time with them. Some people loved the novels, finding them fun and easy read. Some people love what SRB did with the characters. That’s cool for them, but fair warning that the characters are one dimensional caricatures of what they were in the comic and are painfully stupid. Like they are emotionally and cognitively at the level I’d expect to see in 8 year olds. The way Nick is treated by the narrative is incredibly belittling of poor people, treating them like idiots who don’t know anything and are unable to solve their own problems—but good thing the rich people are there to take care of him! Seiji’s obviously written as autistic in the worst way. As someone that’s autistic, I cannot articulate in a way allistic people can understand how much it hurts to have your special interest betray and mock you/what you are. Seiji is like is Sheldon Cooper and Miranda Sings had a child. And the narrative thinks it’s god’s gift to autistic people for it. His entire personality is stripped away and replaced with the author’s idea of autism and it sucks. SRB knows so little about the characters that she looked at Eugene, saw a brown kid, and labeled him Mexican through implication—also had him not understand racism against Asian people despite being Asian too. She implied that Nick’s gay as well rather than his canonical bisexual. Aiden’s honestly bordering on abusive toward Harvard during Striking Distance, and Williams has a really fucked up interaction with some of the boys that’s literally sexual harassment even though it wasn’t framed that way by the narrative. Beyond that, in my opinion, SRB doesn’t know how to write chemistry and in fact turned me heavily off Aiden and Harvard as characters as a ship. She also dented Nichoji’s appeal for me when I consider her characterization. So you’re not even getting any good moments there for the trouble imo.

If I were you, I’d skip the novels. They don’t add anything to canon and you’re not missing any context by ditching them. And you’d be saving yourself a lot of cringing, discomfort, and anger of varying degrees depending on where you fall on things. If you want specifics, please feel free to message me on or off anon! I tried to be as spoiler free as possible here haha

If you want to explore more on your own, you can check out some other asks/thoughts! (These all contain novel spoilers)

My full review of Disarmed

Autism representation in Seiji

Seiji in general

Eugene

Eugesse as a concept in Disarmed

Eugesse interactions in Disarmed

Nick's bisexuality

Coach Williams and sexual harassment

I also found an ask from someone saying they regret reading the novels while going through my posts to compile this list, which I thought was too hilariously on-topic to omit

(PS a birthday song for you to enjoy uwu)

#jackshit #thanks for the ask!!💜#fencessy #(compilation)

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bonnielunkas · 2 years ago

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I know this took awhile, I haven’t really had much time to send this - also I took very long writing these because, well, I think my username is enough of an explanation. But here it finally is:

Fazbear Frights Characters Autism Diagnosis:

Samantha (Coming Home)

- I absolutely refuse to believe this child is neurotypical.

- She has a very specific bedtime routine that she needs to do every night:

- Write at least a paragraph in her diary

- Brush her teeth

- Go to to the toilet

- Drink half a glass of water

- Touch her toes four times

- Brush her hair fifty times

- Say goodnight to her dolls

- Samantha is picked on by her peers because they think she’s weird. A lot of autistic people have been bullied and/or socially isolated for not "fitting in".

- She is described as "hard to read", and conveying feelings can be difficult for autistic people.

- When she visited two psychologists, she begged her mother not to take her back there because both of them expected her to play with a messy pile of toys. To me, this seems like she has sensory issues about messes and messy environments, finding them overstimulating.

Alec (Lonely Freddy)

- Clearly shown to have trouble with social cues and social situations in general (example: When his kindergarten teacher said he was a bully, probably because he couldn’t tell from her tone that she meant it in a negative way and he didn’t know what the word meant, so he smiled, thinking it was praise).

- This line, which has no neurotypical explanation: ""If they’d asked, he might have said, ""I’m not like you, and I’m not like Hazel, and that should be okay.""

- From my understanding, behaviour issues in neurodivergent children can actually just be that they’re overwhelmed and/or overstimulated, but have troubling communicating that. So, basically Alec (or at least my interpretation of his character).

Greg (Fetch)

- He has multiple fixations that can come off as hyper-fixations and special interests:

- The compulsion he has to search the abandoned pizzeria for no specific reason (which doesn’t fade even after Fetch kills the neighbours dog. He still feels as if he needs to go there.), hyper-fixation.

- His enthusiasm about topics like the Zero Point Field and Cleve Baxter’s experiments, special interest.

- It’s not mentioned it the story as much as the others, but plants could be a special interest.

- A minor detail, but, Greg is described as not being "adventurous with certain foods", and this leads me to think he might have sensory issues with food - mainly because choice of words fits my experience with food related sensory issues.

- Personally, I believe that most kids who aren’t accepted by their peers because they don’t confirm to social norms tend to actually be neurodivergent (like Greg).

Sergio (Sergio’s Lucky Day)

- A major part of Sergio’s character is his trouble understanding social cues. Because of this, he tends to mask his emotions in order to please people (example: pretending to have the same likes and dislikes as Violet) and avoid being judged, which is basically the universal experience for neurodivergent people everywhere.

- Neurodivergent people can have intense attachment to objects. They can empathise with these objects and are very connected to them. This reminds me of how Sergio becomes very attached to Lucky Boy to the point of considering him a friend - I mean, Lucky Boy is implied to be sentient but I still think this counts.

Dirk (Felix the Shark)

- Another example of object attachment and connection: as a child, he felt a kinship with the animatronic because they were both misunderstood outcasts. He continues to view Felix this way as he grows up, to the point where he gets angry when someone tells him they found Felix creepy as a kid.

- Fixation is one most important themes in the story and it’s almost always shown with Dirk, who has a lot of fixations that seem close to ND fixations: Felix and finding the Freddy’s location that had him, puzzles, mysteries and a novel called The Dogged Dogmatist.

- He’s a Freddy’s fan, so he’s automatically autistic /j

nah it's fine that this took a while!! i understand :]

anyways, i'm just gonna take these all as canon now bc you got a lot of points,,,

how dare you cook /j

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haeminlgc · 2 years ago

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Open event 005 Personality Types

MBTI: INFJ-T

The Advocate Haemin is an introvert (to absolutely no one's surprise). While he may be quiet and reserved, preferring to observe before opening his mouth, that doesn't mean he doesn't know how to have fun or relax around those who consider his true friend, often choosing to share a smile and laugh with them. Being alone doesn't phase him and he often welcomes peace and quiet, opting to read a book or watch a movie in his downtime. Fiercely loyal to his friends there's not a thing he wouldn't do for them; Haemin is ride or die once you've worked your way into his inner circle. However, if someone betrayed his trust he would feel immeasurable hurt, to the point of cutting them out of his life forever. Advocates tend to creative, principled, and altruistic which Haemin is. The whole reason for him wanting to become an actor is so that he can become a source of comfort for others, someone they can watch and potentially forget whatever troubles them for a few moments of time. His moral compass and integrity are strong, they are what guide him on his chosen path in life. With this though comes the intense privacy that he likes to keep, very rarely letting anyone see him in a vulnerable state since he wants to be seen as reliable and strong.

Enneagram

The Servant The empathy that defines this type, allows them to easily see when someone is suffering and give them a hand, without saying a word. They’re selfless but don’t lose sight of their own needs. They’re also quite objective and try to focus on dealing with things the best way possible. Kindness and taking care of others a very big part of his personality to the point of occasionally putting himself last when he can see that someone else is hurting. Haemin is the typical mom friend, always having your best interest in mind and ready to dote on you with food and drink. He always has a sympathetic ear to lend and will tell you when you need to stop wallowing in self pity (though he might not take his own advice on that part).

Daemon

Oryx You are a resourceful and enduring individual who is possessive over their people and things. More so than others with antelope daemons, those with oryx may be mistaken as low energy; they're patient people and efficient workers, private until the final product is complete. When push comes to shove, they're willing to stand their ground and are loathe to show vulnerability even to their loved ones. Oddly enough, the Oryx fits Haemin fairly well. While I wouldn't call him posessive over his friends, he is protective over their wellbeing and would be vocal if he thought they weren't treated well. People who don't know him would think that he is mild mannered (which he is) and relaxed, but he is also highly organised and diligent in his work, a bit of a perfectionist if you will, though he is learning to be kinder to himself and not impose impossible expectations to reach.

#lgc:personality #&&; ( hc )#&&; ( wc: 395)

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misty-caligula · 2 years ago

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Disorganised thoughts about s2e7. I’m away from home sadly and so these are just what I’ve had popping into my head:

I was right! Hallucinated psychiatrist crossed off my bingo card.

Also... oh no. Hallucinated psychiatrist!

---

Big question: what precisely was Walter texting Misty about? Its assumed it’s like “Oh I love you Misty oh no” but what if it’s been him trying to warn her about something? Like, if he’s not part of the cult conspiracy angle.

---

Also, Misty being SO PROUD about her perfect body cover up and then having it just be found... Did she make a mistake, or did someone figure out what she did... maybe someone who is also a citizen detective? Maybe someone who thinks like her?? Maybe someone who she just broke the heart of and responded with... a vendetta??? Hmmmm?????? I mean what would be most fitting for poor Misty in this moment but a taste of her own medicine from a scorned Walter?

---

I knew that Shauna would hold a huge grudge about the baby, I didn’t expect Lott to just do.... that. Holy SHIT. And Shauna’s look at her handiwork was like... so cold. And the way the others just stood by. Oof...

---

The way that Shauna would not let the baby go, the way she still talked to it after she buried it, she has such trouble letting go. I half expected Jackie to answer her, it was worse that she didn’t...

---

The mental clusterfuck for Van though... going through SO MUCH and like, even she said as much in the cabin that she became convinced it had to be for SOMETHING. And then now to have a death sentence which is so... undramatic. It’s not fire, not wolves, not freezing to death in the wilderness. Just a quiet, private thing... I dunno it’s getting to me. The way that she lost her faith in Lott just as Tai built hers, which was based on Vans to begin with. The way that she can’t buy into Lottie’s cult now, can’t handle the false hope. I’m wondering if she ends up having some miraculous recovery, how that’ll affect her. How it’ll affect her if she doesn’t. How her lack of money management looked like poor planning and suddenly took a turn. Given that Van was never meant to make it out of the wilderness I wonder if they’re going to actually let adult Van die. Then again, the whole show has only taken quite a short time in the adult timeline, it might be left ambiguous by the end of the show, with Van facing an uncertain future and just having to take it day by day.

As we all do, in the end, whether we like to admit it to ourselves or not.

---

Misty’s adorable stage show. Of all the opening theme moments the one I least expected to actually end up in the show as is was the red curtain. Very cute. Walter’s morse code heart.... I don’t like the guy but even I softened a little at that. Even though it’s all in Misty’s head. anthro Caligula is someone I didn’t know I needed and oh my god I loved.

---

Tai admitting to herself that she can’t be there for her family, giving up the ring. I wonder to what extent she thought that doing so would involve pursuing Van. I wonder whether she even considered that she might not be available. Does she REALLY want to follow through with this now?

---

I never considered that they’d remix the theme, or that it’d work so well to be so unsettling. The whole episode was so interesting with the way they changed all these standard conventions they’d set up for so long. Yellowjackets consistently manages to play with expectations and go off in really cool directions.

---

More to come.

#yellowjackets #spoilers

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flightfoot · 2 years ago

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Man, wasn't expecting to see Jade on this list. Kind of a deep cut there. She was great though, I loved her as a kid.

Also I'm watched every series these characters are from, so I can actually do this list!

I like all these characters, but I definitely like some more than others. There are a few I haven't seen in a long time though, like Jade. Been awhile since I watched Jackie Chan Adventures.

Worst to best:

Sasuke: Dude was a prick who was only actually properly friends with Naruto for like, half of the Wave arc and the Chuunin exam, he didn't join up again until the end of the series, after he and Naruto had machoed themselves out. He had his complexities, but it just got grating to see Naruto put everything on the line for him when they were only actually friends for a month at most.

Satsuki: I really like Kill la Kill, but Satsuki isn't really as memorable and developed as most of the other examples on this list. I'm iffy on even calling her a deuteragonist honestly.

Catra: Sorry Catra. She's a very interesting and complex character, the audience really gets to know her emotional struggles and see her change and grow, but I have some frustrations with her as well that keep her at a lower ranking on this list. With all the stuff she pulled and the amount of detail we get into how she screwed over some of her compatriots, I really wanted a proper conversation between say, her and Scorpia and Entrapta talking about how she'd hurt them, what she was thinking when she did so, and how she'd changed.

Ron: I always liked Ron more than Kim, I felt like he was allowed to be more awkward and fun and struggle more to get better and to change than she was. It felt like he really progressed, especially with how he gradually got a better handle on his Mystical Monkey Powers.

Jade: I really liked her as a kid her age (which makes sense, since that was kind of the point). I don't know if I'd like her as much now, but I loved how spunky she was, how she'd stand up to the adults when need be, and was more competent than they gave her credit for - though she wasn't infallible and could get in trouble too. I'd consider her the main protagonist of Jackie Chan Adventures though, despite it being named after Jackie.

Alphonse: He's just so sweet and devoted, he and his brother make a great team. I especially love how he constantly sneaks cats in his armor XD. I'd hesitate to call him a deuteragonist though, I think Roy Mustang fits that better.

Homura: We're in the top 3 now. Homura's a wonderfully complex character with a fascinating arc, I love how in later episodes of PMMM we get this complete recontextualization of what kind of person Homura is, she's fantastic.

Zuko: ...do I really need to explain why he's a great deuteragonist? There's a reason his character arc is often held up as one of the gold standards in storytelling, especially for redemption arcs.

Adrien: Okay look. Zuko's the better character, no doubt, but this is about who your favorite deuteragonist is, and Adrien changes my brain chemistry in a way that Zuko doesn't.

Bonus round: list all nine in order of favorite to least favorite!

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elliepassmore · 1 year ago

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A Study in Drowning review

4/5 stars Recommended if you like: dark academia, Gothic vibes, fairytales

This is my first Ava Reid, so I wasn't really sure what to expect going in. The writing style felt very mellow and the plot did feel like it moved pretty slowly. On the other hand, I really enjoyed the attention to detail Reid put into the language and culture of the book (Myrddin actually is a famous Welsh poet, and hiraeth is a Welsh word for a deep sense of longing/homesickness for a Wales that never was/is impossible to return to). I thought it was neat to see those little details sprinkled throughout the story.

I was definitely very surprised when I started this book because, even for the first handful of pages, I genuinely thought this was set in pre-Victorian/Industrial times...but then the characters mention telephones and radio and cars (and I'm pretty sure TV comes up at some point?!) and that really threw me off. It definitely seems as though Hiraeth, and Effy in particular, belong to one time period while the rest of the book's world belongs in another. It was a little jarring every time those things came up.

That being said, I liked how atmospheric this book was. Effy loves her college and the city it's in, and that love comes through the pages with her descriptions of the streets and the fog and the water she's able to see from the library. Hiraeth is in a totally different realm, far off in a rural landscape riddled with cliffs and stormy seas and fog. I liked this setting in a completely different way and think it was very fitting for the home of the writer of a fairy story.

This book is somewhat confusing for me, because there are so many great things in the book and there are so many things that have so much potential, but then there are moments like with the pacing and time periods and with the 'mystery' that leave me feeling meh about it.

The central 'mystery' is mostly Preston thinking Myrrdin didn't write Angharad and Effy thinking he did. Preston actually has some good points, even Effy has to agree, and the two of them end up on mostly the same side trying to figure out who actually wrote the book, even if it turns out to be Myrddin. I really like this concept and the path the two of them go down trying to determine authorship and the way it brings them closer together reminds me of Ship of Theseus , which I love. But....I also clocked who the author was from the first moment Effy begins thinking deeply about Angharad. Imo, the solution is very very obvious and neither Effy nor Preston even so much as consider it until the very end of the book. For a mystery that is otherwise so twisty and intriguing, I felt kind of let down by this.

Effy is a literary lover stuck in the architectural college due to the fact that she's a girl. She's desperate to take advantage of the opportunity to redesign Hiraeth to prove that she has what it takes to be in the literature college, but at the same time has to mitigate the anxiety she's had her whole life as she ventures away from her comfort zone. Effy definitely has a lot of passion to her, but she also holds a lot back and doesn't always entirely engage with what's around her. She has a troubled backstory (family and more recently) and the snippets we do get to see of that are interesting, but I'd've liked to have seen more of it.

Preston is a literary scholar who is working on his thesis, aka proposing Myrddin didn't write Angharad. Honestly there isn't a lot to say about him. He can be abrupt and rude sometimes, but overall he's not even that bad. Definitely not the rudest love interest I've come across. I do wish he was a bit more inclined to believe Effy about the magical stuff, but I also get why he isn't. I would've liked to see his character fleshed out a little more since I don't feel like we get to know him very well and he seems to go from 0 to 100 regarding Effy.

I have to say, I did....not like the xenophobia on display in this book. I get that Effy realizes she's wrong and gets over it, but it still really didn't sit right with me that she was immediately so against her neighboring country and the people that live there (which, based on our geography would be England, so fair for Wales, but in the book reads more like France so??). And then Preston just gets over how awful Effy was to him in the beginning and they get together at the end. Idk, I just don't like the dynamic and how quickly everything was brushed over since I think this book takes place over a relatively short period of time.

I would say this book is okay. There were some parts of it that I particularly enjoyed and then there were parts that I feel could've used a little more depth and nuance. The pacing of the plot is also a problem for me since it goes fairly slowly until the very end and everything seems to happen at once with little buildup.

#book #book review #books #book recommendations #fantasy #bookstagram #booklr #bookblr #bookaholic #bookish #ya fantasy books #ya fantasy #fantasy book #a study in drowning #ava reid #dark academia #gothic

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servin-up-surveys · 2 years ago

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survey #088

(taken december 14th last year; uploading surveys done while gone)

Can you read lips? NO. I am *HORRIBLE* at trying to read lips, like I absolutely can't.

Do you have trouble feeling excited for other people when they receive good news? Oh absolutely not, I definitely get excited too!

Do you know anyone whose parents are homosexual? I know I have a mom friend who is bi, but she's in a relationship with a man currently. I don't THINK I know anyone full-on gay that's a parent?

Do you consider yourself patriotic? In what ways? Hell no, this country grosses me the fuck out.

Are you part of any online communities? If so, which ones, and how did you get involved in them? I'm in a meerkat RP circle, I'm an admin at the SH wiki (which I have been awfully neglecting lol oops), and I'm active in my WoW main's guild.

Have you ever purchased clothing that you were too afraid to wear? HA yes, when I was still a teen-ish I had this honestly really cute black crop top that just says "FREAK" and I only wore it for a single picture, lol. It would never fit me now. I actually think I mighta got rid of it.

What is your lover's middle name? He doesn't have one.

When was the last time you saw your last ex? Well I saw a PICTURE of us on Facebook like a day or two ago, and fucking finally FB allowed me to delete them. I haven't seen her in person in years and never want to again, either.

Who was the last ex you talked to? Sara.

Who is your best friend? Pick only one. My boyfriend Girt.

Who was the last person to flirt with you, other than your lover? Some random dude on dA, he got blocked real quick lmao.

Would it bother you if your lover flirted with other people? Uh yes???

What exes do you still associate with? None.

What is a topic that interests you so much that you could read about it for hours? Meerkat behaviorisms.

Are there any holidays that you hate? If so, which and why do you dislike them? Columbus Day because that man didn't discover jack shit. Thanksgiving (its roots anyways, it's definitely evolved) because it's a literal celebration of genocide and slavery, etc.

Do you have a secret that you’ve kept for a long time – years, maybe your entire life? If so, why haven’t you told anyone about this secret? Yes, and I don't tell anybody because they affect nobody, are entirely benign, and just really don't matter.

What was the very first social media site you signed up for? MySpace.

If you were in a coma, who would be making healthcare decisions for you? My mom.

What’s something you’ve done that sounds too crazy to be true? The only thing that comes to mind is how many times I've been admitted to psych hospitals; like I lost count many visits ago. I would estimate I've been like, six times. I feel like people who know that would expect me to be crazier than I am.

Does anyone in your family smoke? My dad and his wife do.

What’s your opinion on hunting? Trophy hunting? Fucking barbaric, repulsive, diabolical, just evil. IF however you are hunting for food and have a respectful, appreciative mindset of the animal, then I'm more okay with it than I once was, because here's the thing: that deer you killed out in the beautiful woods, and probably rather quickly, ABSOLUTELY had a better life than that mistreated, miserable cow that was raised simply to be killed and probably given LESS than the bare necessities. I want to emphasize though, mindset is so important here; I wouldn't support you if you were tracking a deer seeking the "thrill" of just killing it. Like in that case, get fucking help. Be very respectful and extremely appreciative of that animal's unwilling sacrifice.

Have you ever had a pet escape and run away? Oh my god I will never forget Teddy doing this one winter night in the snow. I was going BALLISTIC as my dad ran and later drove after him. If I remember well, he ended up being at the pond not too far from our place, which he and Dale (another old dog of ours) had run to before to play. Thank god he was okay, at this time he just still had good energy and was very into marking his territory and smelling EVERYTHING. He also really, really enjoyed the snow, he used to love zooming through it and just playing.

Do any of your exes know each other? Jason and Juan knew and didn't like each other (at least, I was aware Juan openly didn't like Jason, I'm not really sure if Jason felt anything about him). Tyler MIGHT have known either of them, too, I don't know.

What’s an opinion you find impossible to take seriously? "Dinosaurs aren't real," especially when they add on, "Satan put those bones there to lead us away from God." You are PURELY fucking delusional.

Have you met that person that can get into your mind through a sentence? Yeah, Jason. Probably still to this day. He had so much goddamn power over my emotions without even intending it, and I feel like that hasn't fully gone away.

Have you heard of Jeffree Star? What do you think of him? Yes, I genuinely like him and who he's grown into and think his work ethic is fucking unreal.

Who do you think you have cried over the most? lol do I really need to answer this???????????

Do you hate celebrities with big boobs and have had plastic surgery? lol grow up?????? People can do whatever the fuck they want with their own bodies.

Is anybody in your family schizophrenic? If so, what is their life like? A half-sister is, but I've never met or spoken to her; I've seen literally a single picture of her in my entire life. I have no idea what her life is like. Sometimes it rears up to bother me more than usual, how Dad's only kids he interacts with at all are me and my immediate sisters... Even his other daughter Misty had to reach out to HIM when she and her children visited here to go out to dinner so he could actually meet them. Like, that shouldn't be his child's job. Misty is understandable bitter about how she grew up (her mother was absolute, total, 100% insane shit that couldn't even keep custody of her BECAUSE she was fucking mental, and Dad didn't take her), and I just wish she didn't have to be by Dad acting more like a dad to her. WOW welcome to the family therapy session y'all

What’s something somebody can do to make you hate them instantly? Say something inappropriate about a child came to mind first, but there's really a lot of other stuff, honestly. Just being a shitty, gross, violent, and/or forceful person.

Are there regular trains in and out of your town/city? Yes.

What was the last animal you saw, and was it a pet? Roman, right now, 'cuz he jumped up onto the desk to chill by me.

Have you ever watched an anime series, start to finish? Yeah, multiple.

Do you feel the need to rant about anything right now? If so, go for it. So my Tumblr account just RANDOMLY got terminated yesterday (I seriously mean it when I say I did absolutely, positively nothing whatsoever) and I'm rather annoyed by it. This has already happened to me once on my old account, and it took like around a week to get the damn thing back.

How many serious relationships have you been in? Three. Ish. I don't really know what to consider Sara's and my former relationship. Like I feel like we had genuine feelings and did some romantic things without much shyness or anything, but idk. Jason and Girt were/are SO much different from what she and I had.

Do you have a lot of regrets? Yes, and they fucking haunt me and refuse to let me go so I can maybe even mildly like myself.

Have you ever been so angry that you screamed out of nowhere? Yes. I know I've done this a couple times into a pillow, maybe other times without but idr.

Do you have any plans for Valentine’s Day this year? NEXT year I know I want to do at least a LITTLE something. Girt had Covid this year so we couldn't hang out that day and it super bummed me out, really.

What do you usually buy for snacks when you go to the cinema? Almost always popcorn, rarely some sort of candy.

Look to your left and name five things you can see. Presents for Ash's kids from Mom, the closet, the stand with the printer on it, paper shredder, and a cute piece of random artwork on the wall from who knows where.

Do you like having your lip softly bitten when you’re kissing? bro get outta my bedroom

Who is your favourite YouTuber? Overall? It'll probably always be Markiplier, he's my idol, but I really haven't watched him anywhere near regularly in like... two years? His content just generally isn't my style anymore, but I still love him as a person to death. You know, I'm really not too sure WHO my active favorite is anymore. Maybe John Wolfe or Game Grumps, I really don't know.

Have you ever been hopelessly in love with a celebrity? Nah. I have my fangirl episodes, but "hopefully in love" has never been the right phrase at all. I know none of these people personally and therefore can't even truly LOVE them and have always known that absolutely nothing is ever going to happen between me and any random person on the Internet. I can just melt from afar lmao.

What was the last band shirt you wore? I'm quite sure it was Ninja Sex Party. Thankfully it doesn't say the name of the band on the shirt lmfao I wouldn't want to explain that ever.

How many pairs of glasses (not sunglasses) have you owned? I know at least three.

What color is your flash-drive? Hot pink.

What is your favorite color(s) of eye-makeup? B L A C K

Have you ever worn a thumb ring? Yes; that's where I put mine and Sara's friendship ring. Safe to say I don't have it anymore.

What brand of TV do you own? Uh I'm pretty positive it's a Vizio?

Are high school football games fun? Ugh, no. I used to have to go to them quite a bit when my older sister was a cheerleader. There were always wasps and shit around/under the bleachers, it was hot, too crowded, and I just had absolutely no interest in sports. They were also way too long to me. I know a lot of the time Nicole and I didn't even watch, we'd just go find something weird to do that generally involved getting dirty, meeting with other kids that were as bored as us, and going under the bleachers when we weren't supposed to lmao.

When was the last time you had a particularly hectic day? Oh hell if I know.

To whom do you feel the most important? Mom and Girt.

How long has your favorite song been your favorite? Since it came out early this year lmao.

Is one of your favorite colors yellow? No, I actually really don't like yellow.

How old are your siblings? Tbh I only have my two immediate sisters' ages memorized, which are 29 and 24. Others are in their 30s. Katie might even be close to 40, idr and can't math.

Ever had a fishtank in your room? No.

Do you drink more soda than anything else? Not anymore! It's generally flavored sparkling water.

Do you know anyone who wears camouflage often? my brother in christ I live in the SOUTH

How many jobs have you had? Three.

Do you hate your last ex? I VERY much don't like her, at all, but I'm past my "ugh I hate her" phase. I ain't wasting my energy on hating someone I never have to see or speak to ever again.

Are you ashamed of any of your family members? My uncle who my family no longer associates with. He's a fucking filthy slug of a human being.

Have you ever been in a courtroom? Yes.

Were you a chubby child? No, I was pretty normal.

Are you afraid to sing in front of people? Yes. To get you to visualize the sheer extent, in the over three and a half years Jason and I dated, he heard me sing ONCE, at church.

When did you last dance with someone? Uh with Sara a few years ago.

Do you feel awkward watching sex scenes? Yes, but not AS bad as when I was like, a teenager. I still do feel exceptionally uncomfortable if it's with my mom present, though.

Did you ever have senior photos done? No. I wanted to, we just... didn't, I don't remember why.

Do you attend church regularly? You literally could not even PAY me to go to church, never mind regularly. It's complete fucking brainwashing and greatly diminishes genuine, confident self-worth. I don't consider myself a Satanist, but even I can still say hail thyself, hunty.

Have you ever wanted to be a teacher? lol absolutely not.

Are you currently listening to music? Yeah, "Modern Love" by Mother Mother just started.

The person who last spoke to you in person, what is their name? Donna, but Mom to me.

The person who last texted you, tell me their name? Still Donna, lol.

What was your favorite class to take in school? Art courses and German.

Have you ever had a pixie cut? No, but I'd like one one day... Both my mom and hairdresser have told me I would look amazing with one now, which I really appreciated, but I just can't convince myself. I know it's a stereotype that fat people usually can't pull off short hair, and trust me it was ballsy enough for me to get it as short as it is now, I'd just be so obsessively paranoid that people would think I'm uglier with a pixie cut.

Is your signature legible? I think so, yeah.

If the person you like/love proposed to you right now, you would say? I know I'd say yes even though I know it's unwise to do so this early. Thankfully I'm pretty damn sure just given Girt's intelligence and dedication and strong pragmatism, he knows way better than to do that anytime soon.

Are you satisfied with your current camera? I sure am, and I'm actually pretty excited, I know Mom is ordering a pack of lenses (polarizing, ND, and UV) for it for Christmas!

When was the last time you felt ignored? Um idk. Probably during some family dinner at my sister's, I know I've been totally talked over adn brushed off more than once.

Is smoking an immediate turnoff to you? I won't ever attracted to a smoking man til I saw Richard Kruspe bro 😭 lol but generally yes, celebs don't count, right?

If given the opportunity, would you legally change your name? Nah, too used to this one and plus I like it.

Has religion ever come between you and a friend or family member? Yep.

Has anyone ever told you that you were worthless? Well, in fucking essence, Sara has.

If you jumped out the nearest window, would you live? Yes, very easily.

Is there an animal that scares you? I have a very intense irrational fear of larva, like maggots and stuff. Cicadas also notably freak me out, I can't handle their eyes. Whale sharks are another irrational fear, their mouths creep me out. Australian spiders like their funnel-web are freaky too.

When you get blood tests, do you feel faint afterwards? No.

Do you think you will have a date for prom? Whoa now buddy you are WAY late, lol. I went to Jason's senior prom and he went to mine.

Are you afraid of being cheated on? Not really, at least not with Girt. I hope this doesn't sound all arrogant or full of myself, but just factually, this guy wanted me way too long for me to even really WONDER if he'd cheat on me. He's directly told me he wanted to date in high school, but he didn't do anything because he was concerned what people would think of the age gap. Then Jason came along and he respected that.

Do you know how to play poker? It's actually funny, I did as a KID but don't now, hahaha. I really enjoyed it as a child, just obviously without monetary gambling.

Is your face shape oval, heart shaped or square? I genuinely don't know.

When was the last time someone asked you to go somewhere? When Girt invited me to his place Friday for his sister's birthday.

Do you have small wrists? Yeah; even with my size, my wrists are definitely noticeably small. Like I can slip those security bracelets off at the psych hospital (lmfao what a talent) or like the skating rink to show you paid.

Are you someone’s best friend? Girt always calls me his. <3

What’s the biggest annoyance in your life right now? The state of my legs, really. I'm gonna get on fixing this shit, I've had enough. It stops me from SO much.

Do you know anyone that smokes weed? I know one major pothead irl as well as one online; I'm certain others do it, but being a pothead is like, literally a major part of these two girls' personalities.

How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? A hell of a lot.

Thinking back to the person you fell hardest for, do you still feel that way? Nope.

If you’re a girl, what’s your bra size? Funny thing, I actually don't know. I know I'm naturally a C-something, but being my weight, I'm not at all convinced that's accurate right now. This is gonna sound wild, but I haven't had a properly-fitting bra in literal years; I just wear some that were Mom's that somewhat fit, but absolutely not properly, but enough to where it's not incredibly obvious with clothes on. I'm pretty sure I need something custom because if the cup fits, the back doesn't, and if the back fits, the fucking cup doesn't. It's extremely annoying, but bras are not cheap, especially when you're not a standard size.

Ever known anyone who did business with a prostitute? I have zero idea.

If your parents are divorced, how old are your step parents? Kim is a couple years younger than Dad, so mid/late 50s.

Do you like your step parents, or are they assholes? She's an intolerant bigot/obnoxious Christian, but she has good traits, too.

[TW: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE/ABUSE] Ever had an abusive parent or other family member? No, thankfully.

Ever walked in on your parents while they were getting busy? If so, how many times and how old were you? No; I find it SO hard to accept that my parents ever did have sex lmao, they were SO incompatible and just never got along, it seemed like growing up.

If you were to get pregnant as a teen, what would happen? Well, I woulda kept it, because at the time I was pro-life. Thank fuck this never happened.

Do you prefer broccoli or asparagus? Broccoli, I absolutely hate asparagus.

What was the last flattering thing someone did/said to/for you? Uhhhhhh let's see probably something Girt said, he honestly says stuff like that a lot. ;__; <3

Do you know anybody that believes that magic/witchery truly exists? Yep, my sister Misty to name just one.

Roughly how hot are the summer temperatures where you reside? Usually 90s, sometimes low 100s. I absolutely hate it.

#survey #surveys #personal questions #random questions

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