#which I think is interesting considering how he’s having trouble fitting into other’s expectations for him. he knows what he likes but it’s

[hotdogmchiggin]

Aw shit they put the horrors of late stage capitalism into my Pokémon Mystery Dungeon 😔

(Mostly) Based on the mouthwashing dev QnA about each character’s favorite Pokémon. Couldn’t get the idea of throwing them into PMD out of my head.

Typical job at the Poke Express Guild:

Some more bonus drawings below

Jimmy secretly wishes he was a mega rayquaza but he’s just a poser who’s obsessed with pikachu’s popularity and position as the mascot. So. A mimikyu.

Daisuke is a zorua because it’s the closest to weregarurumon and I think it matches his vibes. Just a guy who causes a little bit o mischief here n there :)

I did make Daisukes weregarurumon wishes come true (No mega rayquaza for jim)

I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to do with the background so I threw them into the dungeon. WOE upon ye

[onceuponaoneshotfanfic]

Absolutely LOVE your Roy Kent fic! Could you do a fic with Roy or Jamie where the reader is really self conscious about their body? Like they are worried they are too big to be with someone that’s a footballer. Thanks!!!

Dress You Up

Roy Kent x Reader

0.8k words

Warnings: Language, feeling self-conscious, flirting and allusions to smutty things

Oh my gosh, how did this get lost in my ask box?? I'm so sorry 😓 I hope it came out good ❤️

You stared at yourself in the mirror, turning this way and that, trying to find any angle that you didn’t hate. When you and Keeley had found this dress at Harrod’s, she’d gushed about how hot you looked in it, how Roy was going to lose his mind. And you’d believed her, deciding that the charity gala was worth the splurge, especially considering the credit card you were using was Roy’s, at his insistence.

But now, even with your hair and makeup done, you felt… ridiculous. Instead of seeing the goddess Keeley had insisted you were in the fitting room, all you could see was every extra kilo, every place where the dress clung to you, and not in the way you’d hoped.

Your mind wandered to the guest list Roy had mentioned during dinner last week. The whole team, of course. Lots of rich old men, ready to open their fat pocketbooks for Rebecca’s fundraiser. And models. Actresses. The kind of women Roy Kent usually went for.

With your brain swimming with images of women whose bodies looked photoshopped, women you’d seen Roy with in magazines before the two of you began seeing each other, you grabbed your mobile, losing every ounce of excitement you’d about this night. In no time at all, a growling voice answered.

“Hey, you almost ready?”

The lump in your throat growing, you closed your eyes. “Actually, I’m not feeling well.” Not a complete lie. “You, er, should go on your own, Roy.”

There was a long pause on his end. “Well, this is fucking awkward then.”

���What is?”

Your doorbell rang. “I’m on your fucking porch,” Roy chuckled. “Can I at least say hello? Haven’t seen you all day. Fuckin’ miss you.”

The tenderness in his voice softened your resolve. “Just a quick moment, alright?” Your heels clicked against the tile of your front hall as you walked to your front door. “Don’t want you to catch whatever I’ve come down with.”

Roy expected to see you in sweats or pyjamas, with your hair in a sloppy bun, face probably tired. What he absolutely was not expecting was you in a beautiful dress that hugged every single one of those curves he loved. His eyes took their sweet time trailing up your figure until they landed on your face.

“Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck,” he hissed, thick eyebrows raised.

You squeezed your eyes shut. “I know, I look-”

“Fucking hot,” he finished for you. “Like, if we don’t get in the car right now, that dress is going to be in the fucking shrubs.” He reached out and took your hand. “How the fuck are you not feeling well and looking like that? You got some flu that makes you sexy as hell?”

Heat flooded every inch of your skin. “You think I look… good?”

Roy’s eyebrows scrunched, as if your question was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard. “Fucking course I do. Might have to leave the gala early so I can come back and make you feel better.” He tugged you close to himself. “Unless you’re coming with me. In which case, I know some dark corners at the venue where we could get into some trouble.”

Unable to help yourself, you brought your hands up to fiddle with the lapels of his suit jacket. “You sure you wouldn’t be embarrassed to be seen with me?”

Another ridiculous question, according to Roy’s facial expression. “Why the fuck would I ever be embarrassed to be seen with you? If anything, I’m scared Jamie Tartt’ll try to steal you from me.”

“I mean…” You shifted awkwardly in Roy’s arms. “There’s lots of models and shit there, right? Gorgeous, skinny women-”

“Women I’m not interested in,” Roy cut you off. “Women I wouldn’t give a second glance to. Especially with you in the fucking room.” He kissed your forehead tenderly. “Won’t be able to keep my eyes off of you. And my fucking hands will be just as dangerous.”

You nudged Roy’s nose with yours, the knots in your tummy starting to unravel. “You sure?”

He let out a soft chuckle before pressing his lips to yours briefly. “Very fucking sure. Now come on, put me out of my fucking misery. Say you’re coming to the ball with me.”

In his eyes you could see so much adoration, love, tenderness, and more than a little lust. It was enough to make you stand up straight and tighten your grip on him.

“You know some dark corners huh?” you teased.

A smile broke out across his bearded face. “Plenty,” he assured you, his hands wandering a bit. “I’d love to show ‘em to you.”

“Fine,” you conceded. “Come in while I grab my purse?”

To your surprise, Roy shook his head. “If I come in there, we are not making it to the gala on time. We’d probably barely make it to your bedroom.”

A wicked smile spread across your face as you tugged his tie, pulling him inside with you. “We can be a bit late, can’t we?”

“If you insist.”

[hollygl125]

On the background of one Dr. Gilbert Grissom (a few further thoughts):

This is a note from my first story on my two favourite science nerds, and I’ve been meaning for a while to put it up here on Tumblr as meta. I’ve also added some additional thoughts at the bottom.

I’m sure almost anyone reading this probably has their own thoughts on Gil Grissom and his background, so I wanted to expand a little on what my thoughts on Grissom were when writing this, beyond what fit into the narrative. (I guess I should give a spoiler alert on this, but I assume anyone reading this has seen to the end of the first season of CSI: Vegas; consider that your spoiler alert for my comments in the last paragraph.)

Growing up in the era he did, and seeing his parents’ marriage when he was a young child (his mother later claimed she and Grissom’s father had never spent a night apart when he, her late husband, was still alive), I imagine a young Gil had at one time vaguely expected he would grow up, get married, and have the stereotypical nuclear family—because he would have thought that was just what one did.

Toward the end of his doctoral studies (which he apparently completes at the age of 22, though I don’t know if that’s after his August birthday in 1978 or before it in 1979), when he’s finally around enough people his own age, he meets a girl who likes him and who is nice to him, and he starts dating her, and he thinks himself in love—he just doesn’t know any better.

There’s no spark, but Grissom doesn’t recognize that. He’s also really into his studies and his other scientific pursuits, and they always take priority—science takes the pot. When the relationship with the girl ends, he isn’t upset. He still generally imagines some future family life for himself, though, because, again, that’s just what one does.

After his relationship with the girl ends, he tries to date occasionally, but his heart is never in it, and he’s very much just going through the motions. He doesn’t have any trouble getting dates if he wants them because, hello, he’s young Billy Petersen, and he’s a stone-cold hottie. He doesn’t even have to ask girls out. The liberated ladies of the 1970s (and on) are asking him out. Still, there’s never any spark on his side, but he doesn’t really get that; he still doesn’t know any better.

Plus, the science and now his job still always take priority; he loves them both. This is a self-perpetuating phenomenon because, as the things that really interest him take priority, his attempts at dating and anything even resembling a relationship (and I don’t imagine there being any other relationships of note, nothing longer than a couple of months, maybe, at maximum—and even then with him barely seeing the women) do not go well.

As a result, even more Grissom prioritizes science and work. So then the dating and any attempts at relationships go even worse; he’s really not into them, and his heart is still never in it; ultimately, they make him feel sad and disconnected from humanity. At the same time, due to all the horrendous things he sees on the job, his opinion of humanity is plummeting.

As this continues, he begins to think there is something wrong with him; he sees something inherently lacking in himself and how he is with other people, if he tries to get too close to them. He builds walls: barriers between himself and other people, barriers between himself and the rest of the world, barriers between himself and humanity.

Grissom’s earlier vague ideas of an eventual marriage and possible family fade out completely. He otherwise remains good-natured but detached. He fears being known. A shell grows around his heart. He still very occasionally goes out on a date or a few dates and maybe very, very, very rarely goes home with a woman, but at that point it’s all just to prove to himself that he’s made the right decisions and he’s not missing out on anything; it still leaves him feeling sad and even more disconnected. Things stay like this for quite some time.

Then, nearly twenty years into this process, after he is (in his own mind) truly a confirmed bachelor for life, he meets this young woman. Her beauty and her brilliance and her wit (I think he’d find her witty, given how much they seem to speak the same language and operate on the same wavelength) and all her other charms all hit him basically at once, almost simultaneously. For the first time in his life, he feels a spark, and she feels it, too. For the first time, he really cares about beauty.

But by this point Grissom has put up all these walls and grown this shell, and he’s fully convinced of his own ineptitude in relationships. So he has absolutely no f***ing clue what to do about it—this spark, this woman, this beauty. He feels like he’d be this inexperienced teenager trying to court the woman, because he’s never done any of this properly; he’s never actually cared about a woman like this before. He’s convinced that he would ruin any serious romantic relationship with the woman, that he’s just not good enough for her. And, the longer he knows her, the more convinced of her goodness he is.

For over seven years, Grissom has no real clue what to do. But then really, even though he seems to learn for a while, we could say that for seventeen and a half years he still doesn’t completely get it; he still has this underlying insecurity about his own suitability for love and relationships and marriage; he still thinks he’s not good enough for the woman. In the end, though, I think he gets it. He is fully obsessed with his wife (in the best possible way), and I honestly don’t think he gives a f*** about much other than her.

Now, if perhaps you want a reminder of the hotness of a young (’80s) WP, this is my favourite GIF. I also recommend you check him out as Richard Chance in To Live and Die in L.A., Russell Murdock (seriously, the DILFiest of all DILFs) in Amazing Grace and Chuck, and Stud Cantrell in Long Gone.

(This note complements what I describe in the third chapter of my first story, so I’d recommend checking that out If you’re interested in reading more!)

I have to admit that my ideas on Grissom’s background really were a “necessity is the mother of invention” kind of thing. I needed him to have a backstory that fit with my understanding of him from canon but that also got me where I needed to go in terms of the story I wanted to tell about him and Sara and their first meeting.

But I will also admit that I have very much drunk my own Kool-Aid on this matter; what was once an invention for storytelling purposes has very much become my own headcanon. The more I’ve thought about it, the more it makes sense to me. If Grissom had never even tried to be in a relationship, to date, etc. before Sara came along, he wouldn’t have been so resistant to it all. He wouldn’t have been so convinced of his own unsuitability, his own inferiority, his own unlovability. For that shell to have grown around his heart, something else has to have happened. He has to have gone through the motions. He has to have at least tried to put himself out there. He has to have tried and failed at least a little bit.

Anyway, that’s my opinion; your thinking may vary! 💛

[blackjackkent]

The bloodspattered key that we got off the Illasera display under the Ilmater temple doesn't have any indicator on it of what it goes to, so Rakha's only option is to try it on every lock in the Flophouse, I suppose.

She does take a quick look at the house rules in a book on a table in the lobby:

And the tenant logs on the counter:

None of these names ring any bells to her. There's also this in a book behind the counter, though, which is interesting:

"Extensive top floor extension?" Wyll says, reading over Rakha's shoulder. "Didn't notice that from the outside."

"For twenty gold, you would think they'd have done a better job," Jaheira murmurs dryly.

Upstairs, a stocky fellow in worker's clothes accosts her as they're trying to look around:

"What d'you reckon, lass?" he says, with the cheery conversational tone of someone who doesn't have anything better to do. "You trust these Steel Watcher thingymajigs?"

"Sure, why not?" Rakha says distractedly, already focusing on scanning the room for possible uses for the key in her pocket.

"Aye, do you now?" the man says impatiently. "Don't trust the whole thing, meself. S'all right while we can get work repairing 'em. But what happens when they build something else to do that? It's no good, I tell you."

Rakha, who did not ask to be part of this conversation, finds the beast in her head idly considering whether the man's body would fit into the nearby wardrobe if it were chopped into pieces.

She's distracted from pursuing this line of thought, however, by another set of voices from the other side of the dormitory area:

The master? Rakha thinks curiously. There are a number of troubling potential meanings for this - the Absolute? Bhaal? Bane? Gortash?

[STEALTH] Listen in.

Rakha is, in the general run of things, not particularly subtle - but these people are not paying much attention to their surroundings.

"The master said we have enough. The Black Mass is about to begin," the woman says.

"It's not for the master," the man says with a gleeful sneer. "It's for me. I want a beating heart there, ready for me when the Mass is complete and we're finally granted our freedom." He turns his head, enough that Rakha can see his eyes are glowing pale red. "After two hundred years of rats, I think we deserve a real drink."

Rats. Rakha remembers her foray into Astarion's mind the night he drank her blood - and the image in his memories of his teeth sinking into the belly of a squirming rat, draining it dry.

These are vampire spawn.

"There's no time," the woman says. "We are expected back at the palace."

"Relax." The man laughs. "The Black Mass won't start until master drags Astarion from whatever hole he's hiding in. We have time to find one more person."

(A/N: Had to pause here and look back to see what exactly Rakha knows about Astarion's history, because she managed to avoid learning anything about his scars. At this point - she knows Astarion was a slave to Cazador and that Cazador sent hunters after him, but not really much beyond that.)

All of Rakha's suspicions are confirmed. These are, indeed, more of Cazador's spawn, out on the hunt for victims in the way that Astarion has described from his past. Some of what they're saying doesn't make sense, though. Freedom?

As usual, Rakha is nothing if not direct. "What's a Black Mass?" she asks matter-of-factly from behind them, making both spawn jump.

A broad smile slides easily onto the man's face at once as he turns to face her. "Hello, beautiful," he purrs, winking at her. "I didn't see you there."

Wyll and Lae'zel both bristle at once at Rakha's sides. Rakha, for her part, doesn't move, though she feels a shudder of disgust as the vampire's eyes rake over her.

Wretch. Kill him, murmurs the beast urge in her skull. Show him how it feels to bleed...

"We were just discussing a... celebration being held in the palace of Cazador Szarr," the woman says smoothly. She, unlike her companion, seems uninterested in Rakha as anything more than a distraction; her smile has a pasted-on quality.

"You should come!" the man echoes eagerly. Rakha can see the subtle curve of his elongated incisor teeth. "It'll be the talk of Baldur's Gate."

Rakha stares at him, deeply puzzled by this conversational gambit. She still doesn't know what a Black Mass is, but the general implication is obvious. They are luring victims. "I don't normally accept invitations from strangers," she says coldly.

The man's smile widens. "Thank goodness we're such good friends, then!" he says brightly.

The woman rolls her eyes. "This is not the time, Petras," she snaps.

Petras gives an exaggerated sigh and lifts his hands in surrender. "Yes, dear sister, I know we have places to be. We'll leave once our good friends here have departed." Again that smile that shows every one of his teeth. "I look forward to seeing you at the palace, though," he tells Rakha. "It'll be a once-in-a-lifetime experience, I promise."

Rakha's mind is racing. The beast is growling, awake and angry after the strain of the past few days and all the people around her that she has held back from striking. And the clear and unmarred part of her brain, though weak in comparison, is also angry.

These are Astarion's brethren, eagerly seeking new targets for consumption and torment. They, it seems, are willing servants to whatever Cazador is plotting at the moment - something that he needs Astarion for. They are dangerous; they are monsters.

Wyll hunts monsters. This is a killing with purpose. It must be. It would protect their victims; it would protect Astarion.

Before she can fully process the thought, her knife is out in her hand, lashing forward, and she has a brief glimpse of a flash of alarm across Petras's face...

And then her blade passes through empty air.

Jaheira laughs under her breath, not unkindly. "A sight I have seen all too many times," she murmurs. "I could have told you it would do no good."

Wyll smiles slightly and reaches out to put a hand on Rakha's arm. "One of the nastier tricks vampires have up their sleeve," he says. "But I can't say I don't agree with the sentiment, anyway."

[pikahlua]

Did you see the extras from volume 39? I read ruk’s translation of the imamura and am curious about it. Does it come off more as a cultural Japanese being-very-humble sort of thing ? Or is there something more going on under the surface that is worrisome?

It reads as not only super Japanese but super Horikoshi. Culturally, the west doesn't always talk about this sort of concept in the same way. What he's really talking about is how there is this ideal version of MHA that gets published when all people working on it come together and do their jobs. In the interest of the MHA final product, Horikoshi's editor is willing to take the heat for doing something that could be seen as inconsiderate of the other mangaka serialized in WSJ. Horikoshi is also being self-deprecating out of politeness to show how grateful he is for what his superiors occasionally do for his sake. He's also showing his gratitude to the fans by apologizing for any disappointment these changes may have caused them and for setting new, potentially lower expectations for us. A lot of these bits that are self-deprecating or show low self-esteem are very much Japanese cultural things.

I say it's super Horikoshi too because Horikoshi often behaves like something of a perfectionist. He does tend to apologize for not being basically a manga machine. The dude cranks out enviable quality and quantity each week all things considered. I'm pretty sure every mangaka on earth is jealous of what he accomplishes. But I'm sure in Horikoshi's mind, his efforts never quite achieve his most desired goal--to draw MHA the way he plans it from the outset. He speaks often of time constraints and physical limitations that prevent him from accomplishing everything he wants (which I imagine is 19 immaculately drawn pages each week). The thing is, other mangaka draw less detail because of these time constraints. Horikoshi's drawing goals are actually very lofty for the amount of detail he always puts in. What he manages to accomplish already is quite honestly insane. These goals and his implied level of perfectionism seem to be the root of a lot of his apologies, but I think he also is apologizing to himself for not getting to finish everything he wants to. And striving for perfection by trying your best is a big piece of the Japanese zeitgeist.

If your question is if we should be concerned about some hidden cry for help, I'd say no. Japan does have horrible work-life balance, and mangakas are notorious for such backbreaking schedules especially, but this is all the norm. Horikoshi speaks on these issues in no way that surprises me. I suspect Horikoshi doesn't often adjust his weekly drawing plans to what's feasible. He doesn't compromise. He's probably got the highest expectations for himself out of everyone. And he's likely been burnt out for quite a while now.

Also, the final line about not being fit for society reads like a joke. That whole bit about not causing trouble for others by meeting your deadlines is also very Japanese and collectivist. It's a normal collectivist society thing to not want to be a burden to others. Hell, just look at Izuku. You may read him as special for his heroism, but very much about Izuku reads more like the (ideal) Japanese everyman to whom readers are meant to relate.

[autisticgirliesbracket]

What makes Dendy from OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes the autistic girlie ever of all time? Here's what the people have to say:

Dendy-related asks/reblogs: x This post will be updated after each round!

Image ID in alt text and under the readmore.

[Image ID. White slide with a screenshot of Dendy in the top left corner. She is surrounded by text boxes which read,

"literally just look up a photo of her and youll understand. buuuut lets see uhh. she shows special interests in technology and these things in the show called pow cards. she has trouble understanding others emotions. her expressions are so. yknow. :|. when she shows up the show literally has this running gag where it plays a YAYYYY stock sfx in the bg. its literally the autism creature yippie. also shes just really cool and deserves to win everything ever. thank you for your time. watch ok ko."

"She's the little tech dork trope but I actually like how she pulls it off! She's constantly impressing K.O. and K.O. even calls her 'A science wizard' once! One of her nicknames that's canon is literally just 'Science baby' and I think that's so cute for her- She even says that she taught herself coding because it's a way to express herself, and I love that so much for her! Anyways I think she's more autistic coded than canonically Autistic but I love her anyways and think she'd fit right in!"

"Idk I just think she's cute and some other people like her, I hope she does well in this bracket"

"Shy, intelligent, and very good at hacking. Takes idioms literally and can act insensitively, but is sweet and has good intentions. Special interests are technology and trading cards. Often accompanied by the sound of kids cheering (not ASD related i just think its neat)."

"Okay, so: Dendy from OK KO is portrayed from the very beginning of the show as a young girl (around KO's age, since he's somewhere around 6-9) who is very logical and structured in her way of seeing the world, but struggles with social cues and expectations that aren't clearly laid out. She has a keen special interest in POW Cards (in-universe trading cards, basically), and this is how she first meets and connects with the protagonist KO. What I adore about this show is that it highlights what lots of people consider to be her being autistic, in a positive light. She has character arcs and self improvement like all of the characters do, she's not perfect, but her way of thinking and being is not demonized in any capacity, even if some characters occasionally don't 'get' her perspective, that's shown the same way as when /she/ doesn't get /their/ perspective. It's not canon that she's autistic, but there's a lot in this show that is coded without being stated explicitly, and because the show is very heavy handed (it is a kid's cartoon!) you get a lot of the positive messages you might expect like "celebrate differences" and whatnot without ever explicitly saying that she's autistic. However I think that it was very much intended! There are probably way better infodumps on Dendy being autistic than this one, haha, but I love her so much!"

"OUGHHH I CANT EVEN WORDS!!!! ANY DENDY CLIP SHOWS IT, SHES THE WORLDS BEST KAPPA UFHFHDBSB"

"Look at her. Silly kappa. I love her. She loves computers. She doesn’t understand emotions. She loves her friend K.O. She wants to be a hero. She’s so good. My sweet baby"

"she has a special interest (coding/robot stuff), she has trouble with empathy, she doesn't pick up on social cues, and more stuff I can't completely put into words cause I'm really bad at that :,)"

"I resonated very deeply with this awkward little kappa but aside from that I got the vibes from her monotone and formal speaking pattern and the way she struggled with understanding social cues or sarcasm. She's also extremely literal and logical to a fault sometimes (like myself) and she's got special intesests in tech and pow cards. She does struggle with understanding how her actions may effect others sometimes but she means well and does try to show that she cares once she does understand. I also see her backpack ("hack-pack") as a comfort item for her as she tends to take it with her everywhere and doesn't allow others to touch it, including her best friend, K.O."

"She's shown to behave in a way where she doesn't show her emotions that much, but when someone brings up her special interests she becomes a gremlin (In this case, POW Cards), she stims on screen, she's shown to be hyperfixated on technology and that's where she's able to infodump and such, im not sure how to explain this very well but yeah, as someone who is autistic themselves, i feel dendy is a great autistic girl!!" End ID.]

[applesandbannas747]

hi there ✧⁠◝⁠(⁠⁰⁠▿⁠⁰⁠)⁠◜⁠✧

I've been getting into fence recently, and got given the novels for my birthday today, and I was wondering...where do they fit into the canon of the comics, and the reading order?

also, follow up....are they going to ruin the comics for me, because I've read a lot about mischaracterisation, ableism, racism and worse in them recently?

Hey friend! Welcome to Fence!! And of course happy birthday—I hope it’s been a great one! 💜

So the novels exist in a weird pseudo-canon black hole. I honestly believe they were supposed to be more canon than they ended up being but either Pacat realized that he let the author of the novels, Sarah Rees Brennan, get ahead of the story in his excitement OR because of fan reaction/further consideration after Disarmed came out, Pacat ended up backtracking. The novels are meant to take place after RIVALS (volume 4) and before RISE (volume 5) and cover a couple of weeks in that stretch of time. However, RISE picked up right after RIVALS with no hint of any adventures having happened. The novels are not referenced at all—the biggest nod to it is Seiji wearing a watch. That’s the only acknowledgment of it at all, which is strange because some pretty substantial developments happen in the duology that could not be ignored. That is to say, RISE continues to develop something the novels conclusively resolved with no explanation other than the events of the novels simply never happened. Pacat has said that the novels are 80% canon, but the events clearly aren’t included in that 80%—the characterization from the novels does carry over to the comics, so if you notice a difference between volume 3 and RIVALS (volume 4), that’s where that came from. (Striking Distance was written before and during RIVALS (volume 4), despite being published after it.)

The novels are completely unnecessary to read and irrelevant to the plot. So if you read the novels, it’s for your own enjoyment. You probably came to them the same way most Fence comic fans did—through a love of the story and the characters and a desire to spend more time with them. Some people loved the novels, finding them fun and easy read. Some people love what SRB did with the characters. That’s cool for them, but fair warning that the characters are one dimensional caricatures of what they were in the comic and are painfully stupid. Like they are emotionally and cognitively at the level I’d expect to see in 8 year olds. The way Nick is treated by the narrative is incredibly belittling of poor people, treating them like idiots who don’t know anything and are unable to solve their own problems—but good thing the rich people are there to take care of him! Seiji’s obviously written as autistic in the worst way. As someone that’s autistic, I cannot articulate in a way allistic people can understand how much it hurts to have your special interest betray and mock you/what you are. Seiji is like is Sheldon Cooper and Miranda Sings had a child. And the narrative thinks it’s god’s gift to autistic people for it. His entire personality is stripped away and replaced with the author’s idea of autism and it sucks. SRB knows so little about the characters that she looked at Eugene, saw a brown kid, and labeled him Mexican through implication—also had him not understand racism against Asian people despite being Asian too. She implied that Nick’s gay as well rather than his canonical bisexual. Aiden’s honestly bordering on abusive toward Harvard during Striking Distance, and Williams has a really fucked up interaction with some of the boys that’s literally sexual harassment even though it wasn’t framed that way by the narrative. Beyond that, in my opinion, SRB doesn’t know how to write chemistry and in fact turned me heavily off Aiden and Harvard as characters as a ship. She also dented Nichoji’s appeal for me when I consider her characterization. So you’re not even getting any good moments there for the trouble imo.

If I were you, I’d skip the novels. They don’t add anything to canon and you’re not missing any context by ditching them. And you’d be saving yourself a lot of cringing, discomfort, and anger of varying degrees depending on where you fall on things. If you want specifics, please feel free to message me on or off anon! I tried to be as spoiler free as possible here haha

If you want to explore more on your own, you can check out some other asks/thoughts! (These all contain novel spoilers)

My full review of Disarmed

Autism representation in Seiji

Seiji in general

Eugene

Eugesse as a concept in Disarmed

Eugesse interactions in Disarmed

Nick's bisexuality

Coach Williams and sexual harassment

I also found an ask from someone saying they regret reading the novels while going through my posts to compile this list, which I thought was too hilariously on-topic to omit

(PS a birthday song for you to enjoy uwu)

[bonnielunkas]

I know this took awhile, I haven’t really had much time to send this - also I took very long writing these because, well, I think my username is enough of an explanation. But here it finally is:

Fazbear Frights Characters Autism Diagnosis:

Samantha (Coming Home)

- I absolutely refuse to believe this child is neurotypical.

- She has a very specific bedtime routine that she needs to do every night:

- Write at least a paragraph in her diary

- Brush her teeth

- Go to to the toilet

- Drink half a glass of water

- Touch her toes four times

- Brush her hair fifty times

- Say goodnight to her dolls

- Samantha is picked on by her peers because they think she’s weird. A lot of autistic people have been bullied and/or socially isolated for not "fitting in".

- She is described as "hard to read", and conveying feelings can be difficult for autistic people.

- When she visited two psychologists, she begged her mother not to take her back there because both of them expected her to play with a messy pile of toys. To me, this seems like she has sensory issues about messes and messy environments, finding them overstimulating.

Alec (Lonely Freddy)

- Clearly shown to have trouble with social cues and social situations in general (example: When his kindergarten teacher said he was a bully, probably because he couldn’t tell from her tone that she meant it in a negative way and he didn’t know what the word meant, so he smiled, thinking it was praise).

- This line, which has no neurotypical explanation: ""If they’d asked, he might have said, ""I’m not like you, and I’m not like Hazel, and that should be okay.""

- From my understanding, behaviour issues in neurodivergent children can actually just be that they’re overwhelmed and/or overstimulated, but have troubling communicating that. So, basically Alec (or at least my interpretation of his character).

Greg (Fetch)

- He has multiple fixations that can come off as hyper-fixations and special interests:

- The compulsion he has to search the abandoned pizzeria for no specific reason (which doesn’t fade even after Fetch kills the neighbours dog. He still feels as if he needs to go there.), hyper-fixation.

- His enthusiasm about topics like the Zero Point Field and Cleve Baxter’s experiments, special interest.

- It’s not mentioned it the story as much as the others, but plants could be a special interest.

- A minor detail, but, Greg is described as not being "adventurous with certain foods", and this leads me to think he might have sensory issues with food - mainly because choice of words fits my experience with food related sensory issues.

- Personally, I believe that most kids who aren’t accepted by their peers because they don’t confirm to social norms tend to actually be neurodivergent (like Greg).

Sergio (Sergio’s Lucky Day)

- A major part of Sergio’s character is his trouble understanding social cues. Because of this, he tends to mask his emotions in order to please people (example: pretending to have the same likes and dislikes as Violet) and avoid being judged, which is basically the universal experience for neurodivergent people everywhere.

- Neurodivergent people can have intense attachment to objects. They can empathise with these objects and are very connected to them. This reminds me of how Sergio becomes very attached to Lucky Boy to the point of considering him a friend - I mean, Lucky Boy is implied to be sentient but I still think this counts.

Dirk (Felix the Shark)

- Another example of object attachment and connection: as a child, he felt a kinship with the animatronic because they were both misunderstood outcasts. He continues to view Felix this way as he grows up, to the point where he gets angry when someone tells him they found Felix creepy as a kid.

- Fixation is one most important themes in the story and it’s almost always shown with Dirk, who has a lot of fixations that seem close to ND fixations: Felix and finding the Freddy’s location that had him, puzzles, mysteries and a novel called The Dogged Dogmatist.

- He’s a Freddy’s fan, so he’s automatically autistic /j

nah it's fine that this took a while!! i understand :]

anyways, i'm just gonna take these all as canon now bc you got a lot of points,,,

how dare you cook /j

[haeminlgc]

Open event 005 Personality Types

MBTI: INFJ-T

The Advocate Haemin is an introvert (to absolutely no one's surprise). While he may be quiet and reserved, preferring to observe before opening his mouth, that doesn't mean he doesn't know how to have fun or relax around those who consider his true friend, often choosing to share a smile and laugh with them. Being alone doesn't phase him and he often welcomes peace and quiet, opting to read a book or watch a movie in his downtime. Fiercely loyal to his friends there's not a thing he wouldn't do for them; Haemin is ride or die once you've worked your way into his inner circle. However, if someone betrayed his trust he would feel immeasurable hurt, to the point of cutting them out of his life forever. Advocates tend to creative, principled, and altruistic which Haemin is. The whole reason for him wanting to become an actor is so that he can become a source of comfort for others, someone they can watch and potentially forget whatever troubles them for a few moments of time. His moral compass and integrity are strong, they are what guide him on his chosen path in life. With this though comes the intense privacy that he likes to keep, very rarely letting anyone see him in a vulnerable state since he wants to be seen as reliable and strong.

Enneagram

The Servant The empathy that defines this type, allows them to easily see when someone is suffering and give them a hand, without saying a word. They’re selfless but don’t lose sight of their own needs. They’re also quite objective and try to focus on dealing with things the best way possible. Kindness and taking care of others a very big part of his personality to the point of occasionally putting himself last when he can see that someone else is hurting. Haemin is the typical mom friend, always having your best interest in mind and ready to dote on you with food and drink. He always has a sympathetic ear to lend and will tell you when you need to stop wallowing in self pity (though he might not take his own advice on that part).

Daemon

Oryx You are a resourceful and enduring individual who is possessive over their people and things. More so than others with antelope daemons, those with oryx may be mistaken as low energy; they're patient people and efficient workers, private until the final product is complete. When push comes to shove, they're willing to stand their ground and are loathe to show vulnerability even to their loved ones. Oddly enough, the Oryx fits Haemin fairly well. While I wouldn't call him posessive over his friends, he is protective over their wellbeing and would be vocal if he thought they weren't treated well. People who don't know him would think that he is mild mannered (which he is) and relaxed, but he is also highly organised and diligent in his work, a bit of a perfectionist if you will, though he is learning to be kinder to himself and not impose impossible expectations to reach.

[misty-caligula]

Disorganised thoughts about s2e7. I’m away from home sadly and so these are just what I’ve had popping into my head:

I was right! Hallucinated psychiatrist crossed off my bingo card.

Also... oh no. Hallucinated psychiatrist!

---

Big question: what precisely was Walter texting Misty about? Its assumed it’s like “Oh I love you Misty oh no” but what if it’s been him trying to warn her about something? Like, if he’s not part of the cult conspiracy angle.

---

Also, Misty being SO PROUD about her perfect body cover up and then having it just be found... Did she make a mistake, or did someone figure out what she did... maybe someone who is also a citizen detective? Maybe someone who thinks like her?? Maybe someone who she just broke the heart of and responded with... a vendetta??? Hmmmm?????? I mean what would be most fitting for poor Misty in this moment but a taste of her own medicine from a scorned Walter?

---

I knew that Shauna would hold a huge grudge about the baby, I didn’t expect Lott to just do.... that. Holy SHIT. And Shauna’s look at her handiwork was like... so cold. And the way the others just stood by. Oof...

---

The way that Shauna would not let the baby go, the way she still talked to it after she buried it, she has such trouble letting go. I half expected Jackie to answer her, it was worse that she didn’t...

---

The mental clusterfuck for Van though... going through SO MUCH and like, even she said as much in the cabin that she became convinced it had to be for SOMETHING. And then now to have a death sentence which is so... undramatic. It’s not fire, not wolves, not freezing to death in the wilderness. Just a quiet, private thing... I dunno it’s getting to me. The way that she lost her faith in Lott just as Tai built hers, which was based on Vans to begin with. The way that she can’t buy into Lottie’s cult now, can’t handle the false hope. I’m wondering if she ends up having some miraculous recovery, how that’ll affect her. How it’ll affect her if she doesn’t. How her lack of money management looked like poor planning and suddenly took a turn. Given that Van was never meant to make it out of the wilderness I wonder if they’re going to actually let adult Van die. Then again, the whole show has only taken quite a short time in the adult timeline, it might be left ambiguous by the end of the show, with Van facing an uncertain future and just having to take it day by day.

As we all do, in the end, whether we like to admit it to ourselves or not.

---

Misty’s adorable stage show. Of all the opening theme moments the one I least expected to actually end up in the show as is was the red curtain. Very cute. Walter’s morse code heart.... I don’t like the guy but even I softened a little at that. Even though it’s all in Misty’s head. anthro Caligula is someone I didn’t know I needed and oh my god I loved.

---

Tai admitting to herself that she can’t be there for her family, giving up the ring. I wonder to what extent she thought that doing so would involve pursuing Van. I wonder whether she even considered that she might not be available. Does she REALLY want to follow through with this now?

---

I never considered that they’d remix the theme, or that it’d work so well to be so unsettling. The whole episode was so interesting with the way they changed all these standard conventions they’d set up for so long. Yellowjackets consistently manages to play with expectations and go off in really cool directions.

---

More to come.

[flightfoot]

Man, wasn't expecting to see Jade on this list. Kind of a deep cut there. She was great though, I loved her as a kid.

Also I'm watched every series these characters are from, so I can actually do this list!

I like all these characters, but I definitely like some more than others. There are a few I haven't seen in a long time though, like Jade. Been awhile since I watched Jackie Chan Adventures.

Worst to best:

Sasuke: Dude was a prick who was only actually properly friends with Naruto for like, half of the Wave arc and the Chuunin exam, he didn't join up again until the end of the series, after he and Naruto had machoed themselves out. He had his complexities, but it just got grating to see Naruto put everything on the line for him when they were only actually friends for a month at most.

Satsuki: I really like Kill la Kill, but Satsuki isn't really as memorable and developed as most of the other examples on this list. I'm iffy on even calling her a deuteragonist honestly.

Catra: Sorry Catra. She's a very interesting and complex character, the audience really gets to know her emotional struggles and see her change and grow, but I have some frustrations with her as well that keep her at a lower ranking on this list. With all the stuff she pulled and the amount of detail we get into how she screwed over some of her compatriots, I really wanted a proper conversation between say, her and Scorpia and Entrapta talking about how she'd hurt them, what she was thinking when she did so, and how she'd changed.

Ron: I always liked Ron more than Kim, I felt like he was allowed to be more awkward and fun and struggle more to get better and to change than she was. It felt like he really progressed, especially with how he gradually got a better handle on his Mystical Monkey Powers.

Jade: I really liked her as a kid her age (which makes sense, since that was kind of the point). I don't know if I'd like her as much now, but I loved how spunky she was, how she'd stand up to the adults when need be, and was more competent than they gave her credit for - though she wasn't infallible and could get in trouble too. I'd consider her the main protagonist of Jackie Chan Adventures though, despite it being named after Jackie.

Alphonse: He's just so sweet and devoted, he and his brother make a great team. I especially love how he constantly sneaks cats in his armor XD. I'd hesitate to call him a deuteragonist though, I think Roy Mustang fits that better.

Homura: We're in the top 3 now. Homura's a wonderfully complex character with a fascinating arc, I love how in later episodes of PMMM we get this complete recontextualization of what kind of person Homura is, she's fantastic.

Zuko: ...do I really need to explain why he's a great deuteragonist? There's a reason his character arc is often held up as one of the gold standards in storytelling, especially for redemption arcs.

Adrien: Okay look. Zuko's the better character, no doubt, but this is about who your favorite deuteragonist is, and Adrien changes my brain chemistry in a way that Zuko doesn't.

Bonus round: list all nine in order of favorite to least favorite!

[elliepassmore]

A Study in Drowning review

4/5 stars Recommended if you like: dark academia, Gothic vibes, fairytales

This is my first Ava Reid, so I wasn't really sure what to expect going in. The writing style felt very mellow and the plot did feel like it moved pretty slowly. On the other hand, I really enjoyed the attention to detail Reid put into the language and culture of the book (Myrddin actually is a famous Welsh poet, and hiraeth is a Welsh word for a deep sense of longing/homesickness for a Wales that never was/is impossible to return to). I thought it was neat to see those little details sprinkled throughout the story.

I was definitely very surprised when I started this book because, even for the first handful of pages, I genuinely thought this was set in pre-Victorian/Industrial times...but then the characters mention telephones and radio and cars (and I'm pretty sure TV comes up at some point?!) and that really threw me off. It definitely seems as though Hiraeth, and Effy in particular, belong to one time period while the rest of the book's world belongs in another. It was a little jarring every time those things came up.

That being said, I liked how atmospheric this book was. Effy loves her college and the city it's in, and that love comes through the pages with her descriptions of the streets and the fog and the water she's able to see from the library. Hiraeth is in a totally different realm, far off in a rural landscape riddled with cliffs and stormy seas and fog. I liked this setting in a completely different way and think it was very fitting for the home of the writer of a fairy story.

This book is somewhat confusing for me, because there are so many great things in the book and there are so many things that have so much potential, but then there are moments like with the pacing and time periods and with the 'mystery' that leave me feeling meh about it.

The central 'mystery' is mostly Preston thinking Myrrdin didn't write Angharad and Effy thinking he did. Preston actually has some good points, even Effy has to agree, and the two of them end up on mostly the same side trying to figure out who actually wrote the book, even if it turns out to be Myrddin. I really like this concept and the path the two of them go down trying to determine authorship and the way it brings them closer together reminds me of Ship of Theseus , which I love. But....I also clocked who the author was from the first moment Effy begins thinking deeply about Angharad. Imo, the solution is very very obvious and neither Effy nor Preston even so much as consider it until the very end of the book. For a mystery that is otherwise so twisty and intriguing, I felt kind of let down by this.

Effy is a literary lover stuck in the architectural college due to the fact that she's a girl. She's desperate to take advantage of the opportunity to redesign Hiraeth to prove that she has what it takes to be in the literature college, but at the same time has to mitigate the anxiety she's had her whole life as she ventures away from her comfort zone. Effy definitely has a lot of passion to her, but she also holds a lot back and doesn't always entirely engage with what's around her. She has a troubled backstory (family and more recently) and the snippets we do get to see of that are interesting, but I'd've liked to have seen more of it.

Preston is a literary scholar who is working on his thesis, aka proposing Myrddin didn't write Angharad. Honestly there isn't a lot to say about him. He can be abrupt and rude sometimes, but overall he's not even that bad. Definitely not the rudest love interest I've come across. I do wish he was a bit more inclined to believe Effy about the magical stuff, but I also get why he isn't. I would've liked to see his character fleshed out a little more since I don't feel like we get to know him very well and he seems to go from 0 to 100 regarding Effy.

I have to say, I did....not like the xenophobia on display in this book. I get that Effy realizes she's wrong and gets over it, but it still really didn't sit right with me that she was immediately so against her neighboring country and the people that live there (which, based on our geography would be England, so fair for Wales, but in the book reads more like France so??). And then Preston just gets over how awful Effy was to him in the beginning and they get together at the end. Idk, I just don't like the dynamic and how quickly everything was brushed over since I think this book takes place over a relatively short period of time.

I would say this book is okay. There were some parts of it that I particularly enjoyed and then there were parts that I feel could've used a little more depth and nuance. The pacing of the plot is also a problem for me since it goes fairly slowly until the very end and everything seems to happen at once with little buildup.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #088

(taken december 14th last year; uploading surveys done while gone)

Can you read lips? NO. I am *HORRIBLE* at trying to read lips, like I absolutely can't.

Do you have trouble feeling excited for other people when they receive good news? Oh absolutely not, I definitely get excited too!

Do you know anyone whose parents are homosexual? I know I have a mom friend who is bi, but she's in a relationship with a man currently. I don't THINK I know anyone full-on gay that's a parent?

Do you consider yourself patriotic? In what ways? Hell no, this country grosses me the fuck out.

Are you part of any online communities? If so, which ones, and how did you get involved in them? I'm in a meerkat RP circle, I'm an admin at the SH wiki (which I have been awfully neglecting lol oops), and I'm active in my WoW main's guild.

Have you ever purchased clothing that you were too afraid to wear? HA yes, when I was still a teen-ish I had this honestly really cute black crop top that just says "FREAK" and I only wore it for a single picture, lol. It would never fit me now. I actually think I mighta got rid of it.

What is your lover's middle name? He doesn't have one.

When was the last time you saw your last ex? Well I saw a PICTURE of us on Facebook like a day or two ago, and fucking finally FB allowed me to delete them. I haven't seen her in person in years and never want to again, either.

Who was the last ex you talked to? Sara.

Who is your best friend? Pick only one. My boyfriend Girt.

Who was the last person to flirt with you, other than your lover? Some random dude on dA, he got blocked real quick lmao.

Would it bother you if your lover flirted with other people? Uh yes???

What exes do you still associate with? None.

What is a topic that interests you so much that you could read about it for hours? Meerkat behaviorisms.

Are there any holidays that you hate? If so, which and why do you dislike them? Columbus Day because that man didn't discover jack shit. Thanksgiving (its roots anyways, it's definitely evolved) because it's a literal celebration of genocide and slavery, etc.

Do you have a secret that you’ve kept for a long time – years, maybe your entire life? If so, why haven’t you told anyone about this secret? Yes, and I don't tell anybody because they affect nobody, are entirely benign, and just really don't matter.

What was the very first social media site you signed up for? MySpace.

If you were in a coma, who would be making healthcare decisions for you? My mom.

What’s something you’ve done that sounds too crazy to be true? The only thing that comes to mind is how many times I've been admitted to psych hospitals; like I lost count many visits ago. I would estimate I've been like, six times. I feel like people who know that would expect me to be crazier than I am.

Does anyone in your family smoke? My dad and his wife do.

What’s your opinion on hunting? Trophy hunting? Fucking barbaric, repulsive, diabolical, just evil. IF however you are hunting for food and have a respectful, appreciative mindset of the animal, then I'm more okay with it than I once was, because here's the thing: that deer you killed out in the beautiful woods, and probably rather quickly, ABSOLUTELY had a better life than that mistreated, miserable cow that was raised simply to be killed and probably given LESS than the bare necessities. I want to emphasize though, mindset is so important here; I wouldn't support you if you were tracking a deer seeking the "thrill" of just killing it. Like in that case, get fucking help. Be very respectful and extremely appreciative of that animal's unwilling sacrifice.

Have you ever had a pet escape and run away? Oh my god I will never forget Teddy doing this one winter night in the snow. I was going BALLISTIC as my dad ran and later drove after him. If I remember well, he ended up being at the pond not too far from our place, which he and Dale (another old dog of ours) had run to before to play. Thank god he was okay, at this time he just still had good energy and was very into marking his territory and smelling EVERYTHING. He also really, really enjoyed the snow, he used to love zooming through it and just playing.

Do any of your exes know each other? Jason and Juan knew and didn't like each other (at least, I was aware Juan openly didn't like Jason, I'm not really sure if Jason felt anything about him). Tyler MIGHT have known either of them, too, I don't know.

What’s an opinion you find impossible to take seriously? "Dinosaurs aren't real," especially when they add on, "Satan put those bones there to lead us away from God." You are PURELY fucking delusional.

Have you met that person that can get into your mind through a sentence? Yeah, Jason. Probably still to this day. He had so much goddamn power over my emotions without even intending it, and I feel like that hasn't fully gone away.

Have you heard of Jeffree Star? What do you think of him? Yes, I genuinely like him and who he's grown into and think his work ethic is fucking unreal.

Who do you think you have cried over the most? lol do I really need to answer this???????????

Do you hate celebrities with big boobs and have had plastic surgery? lol grow up?????? People can do whatever the fuck they want with their own bodies.

Is anybody in your family schizophrenic? If so, what is their life like? A half-sister is, but I've never met or spoken to her; I've seen literally a single picture of her in my entire life. I have no idea what her life is like. Sometimes it rears up to bother me more than usual, how Dad's only kids he interacts with at all are me and my immediate sisters... Even his other daughter Misty had to reach out to HIM when she and her children visited here to go out to dinner so he could actually meet them. Like, that shouldn't be his child's job. Misty is understandable bitter about how she grew up (her mother was absolute, total, 100% insane shit that couldn't even keep custody of her BECAUSE she was fucking mental, and Dad didn't take her), and I just wish she didn't have to be by Dad acting more like a dad to her. WOW welcome to the family therapy session y'all

What’s something somebody can do to make you hate them instantly? Say something inappropriate about a child came to mind first, but there's really a lot of other stuff, honestly. Just being a shitty, gross, violent, and/or forceful person.

Are there regular trains in and out of your town/city? Yes.

What was the last animal you saw, and was it a pet? Roman, right now, 'cuz he jumped up onto the desk to chill by me.

Have you ever watched an anime series, start to finish? Yeah, multiple.

Do you feel the need to rant about anything right now? If so, go for it. So my Tumblr account just RANDOMLY got terminated yesterday (I seriously mean it when I say I did absolutely, positively nothing whatsoever) and I'm rather annoyed by it. This has already happened to me once on my old account, and it took like around a week to get the damn thing back.

How many serious relationships have you been in? Three. Ish. I don't really know what to consider Sara's and my former relationship. Like I feel like we had genuine feelings and did some romantic things without much shyness or anything, but idk. Jason and Girt were/are SO much different from what she and I had.

Do you have a lot of regrets? Yes, and they fucking haunt me and refuse to let me go so I can maybe even mildly like myself.

Have you ever been so angry that you screamed out of nowhere? Yes. I know I've done this a couple times into a pillow, maybe other times without but idr.

Do you have any plans for Valentine’s Day this year? NEXT year I know I want to do at least a LITTLE something. Girt had Covid this year so we couldn't hang out that day and it super bummed me out, really.

What do you usually buy for snacks when you go to the cinema? Almost always popcorn, rarely some sort of candy.

Look to your left and name five things you can see. Presents for Ash's kids from Mom, the closet, the stand with the printer on it, paper shredder, and a cute piece of random artwork on the wall from who knows where.

Do you like having your lip softly bitten when you’re kissing? bro get outta my bedroom

Who is your favourite YouTuber? Overall? It'll probably always be Markiplier, he's my idol, but I really haven't watched him anywhere near regularly in like... two years? His content just generally isn't my style anymore, but I still love him as a person to death. You know, I'm really not too sure WHO my active favorite is anymore. Maybe John Wolfe or Game Grumps, I really don't know.

Have you ever been hopelessly in love with a celebrity? Nah. I have my fangirl episodes, but "hopefully in love" has never been the right phrase at all. I know none of these people personally and therefore can't even truly LOVE them and have always known that absolutely nothing is ever going to happen between me and any random person on the Internet. I can just melt from afar lmao.

What was the last band shirt you wore? I'm quite sure it was Ninja Sex Party. Thankfully it doesn't say the name of the band on the shirt lmfao I wouldn't want to explain that ever.

How many pairs of glasses (not sunglasses) have you owned? I know at least three.

What color is your flash-drive? Hot pink.

What is your favorite color(s) of eye-makeup? B L A C K

Have you ever worn a thumb ring? Yes; that's where I put mine and Sara's friendship ring. Safe to say I don't have it anymore.

What brand of TV do you own? Uh I'm pretty positive it's a Vizio?

Are high school football games fun? Ugh, no. I used to have to go to them quite a bit when my older sister was a cheerleader. There were always wasps and shit around/under the bleachers, it was hot, too crowded, and I just had absolutely no interest in sports. They were also way too long to me. I know a lot of the time Nicole and I didn't even watch, we'd just go find something weird to do that generally involved getting dirty, meeting with other kids that were as bored as us, and going under the bleachers when we weren't supposed to lmao.

When was the last time you had a particularly hectic day? Oh hell if I know.

To whom do you feel the most important? Mom and Girt.

How long has your favorite song been your favorite? Since it came out early this year lmao.

Is one of your favorite colors yellow? No, I actually really don't like yellow.

How old are your siblings? Tbh I only have my two immediate sisters' ages memorized, which are 29 and 24. Others are in their 30s. Katie might even be close to 40, idr and can't math.

Ever had a fishtank in your room? No.

Do you drink more soda than anything else? Not anymore! It's generally flavored sparkling water.

Do you know anyone who wears camouflage often? my brother in christ I live in the SOUTH

How many jobs have you had? Three.

Do you hate your last ex? I VERY much don't like her, at all, but I'm past my "ugh I hate her" phase. I ain't wasting my energy on hating someone I never have to see or speak to ever again.

Are you ashamed of any of your family members? My uncle who my family no longer associates with. He's a fucking filthy slug of a human being.

Have you ever been in a courtroom? Yes.

Were you a chubby child? No, I was pretty normal.

Are you afraid to sing in front of people? Yes. To get you to visualize the sheer extent, in the over three and a half years Jason and I dated, he heard me sing ONCE, at church.

When did you last dance with someone? Uh with Sara a few years ago.

Do you feel awkward watching sex scenes? Yes, but not AS bad as when I was like, a teenager. I still do feel exceptionally uncomfortable if it's with my mom present, though.

Did you ever have senior photos done? No. I wanted to, we just... didn't, I don't remember why.

Do you attend church regularly? You literally could not even PAY me to go to church, never mind regularly. It's complete fucking brainwashing and greatly diminishes genuine, confident self-worth. I don't consider myself a Satanist, but even I can still say hail thyself, hunty.

Have you ever wanted to be a teacher? lol absolutely not.

Are you currently listening to music? Yeah, "Modern Love" by Mother Mother just started.

The person who last spoke to you in person, what is their name? Donna, but Mom to me.

The person who last texted you, tell me their name? Still Donna, lol.

What was your favorite class to take in school? Art courses and German.

Have you ever had a pixie cut? No, but I'd like one one day... Both my mom and hairdresser have told me I would look amazing with one now, which I really appreciated, but I just can't convince myself. I know it's a stereotype that fat people usually can't pull off short hair, and trust me it was ballsy enough for me to get it as short as it is now, I'd just be so obsessively paranoid that people would think I'm uglier with a pixie cut.

Is your signature legible? I think so, yeah.

If the person you like/love proposed to you right now, you would say? I know I'd say yes even though I know it's unwise to do so this early. Thankfully I'm pretty damn sure just given Girt's intelligence and dedication and strong pragmatism, he knows way better than to do that anytime soon.

Are you satisfied with your current camera? I sure am, and I'm actually pretty excited, I know Mom is ordering a pack of lenses (polarizing, ND, and UV) for it for Christmas!

When was the last time you felt ignored? Um idk. Probably during some family dinner at my sister's, I know I've been totally talked over adn brushed off more than once.

Is smoking an immediate turnoff to you? I won't ever attracted to a smoking man til I saw Richard Kruspe bro 😭 lol but generally yes, celebs don't count, right?

If given the opportunity, would you legally change your name? Nah, too used to this one and plus I like it.

Has religion ever come between you and a friend or family member? Yep.

Has anyone ever told you that you were worthless? Well, in fucking essence, Sara has.

If you jumped out the nearest window, would you live? Yes, very easily.

Is there an animal that scares you? I have a very intense irrational fear of larva, like maggots and stuff. Cicadas also notably freak me out, I can't handle their eyes. Whale sharks are another irrational fear, their mouths creep me out. Australian spiders like their funnel-web are freaky too.

When you get blood tests, do you feel faint afterwards? No.

Do you think you will have a date for prom? Whoa now buddy you are WAY late, lol. I went to Jason's senior prom and he went to mine.

Are you afraid of being cheated on? Not really, at least not with Girt. I hope this doesn't sound all arrogant or full of myself, but just factually, this guy wanted me way too long for me to even really WONDER if he'd cheat on me. He's directly told me he wanted to date in high school, but he didn't do anything because he was concerned what people would think of the age gap. Then Jason came along and he respected that.

Do you know how to play poker? It's actually funny, I did as a KID but don't now, hahaha. I really enjoyed it as a child, just obviously without monetary gambling.

Is your face shape oval, heart shaped or square? I genuinely don't know.

When was the last time someone asked you to go somewhere? When Girt invited me to his place Friday for his sister's birthday.

Do you have small wrists? Yeah; even with my size, my wrists are definitely noticeably small. Like I can slip those security bracelets off at the psych hospital (lmfao what a talent) or like the skating rink to show you paid.

Are you someone’s best friend? Girt always calls me his. <3

What’s the biggest annoyance in your life right now? The state of my legs, really. I'm gonna get on fixing this shit, I've had enough. It stops me from SO much.

Do you know anyone that smokes weed? I know one major pothead irl as well as one online; I'm certain others do it, but being a pothead is like, literally a major part of these two girls' personalities.

How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? A hell of a lot.

Thinking back to the person you fell hardest for, do you still feel that way? Nope.

If you’re a girl, what’s your bra size? Funny thing, I actually don't know. I know I'm naturally a C-something, but being my weight, I'm not at all convinced that's accurate right now. This is gonna sound wild, but I haven't had a properly-fitting bra in literal years; I just wear some that were Mom's that somewhat fit, but absolutely not properly, but enough to where it's not incredibly obvious with clothes on. I'm pretty sure I need something custom because if the cup fits, the back doesn't, and if the back fits, the fucking cup doesn't. It's extremely annoying, but bras are not cheap, especially when you're not a standard size.

Ever known anyone who did business with a prostitute? I have zero idea.

If your parents are divorced, how old are your step parents? Kim is a couple years younger than Dad, so mid/late 50s.

Do you like your step parents, or are they assholes? She's an intolerant bigot/obnoxious Christian, but she has good traits, too.

[TW: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE/ABUSE] Ever had an abusive parent or other family member? No, thankfully.

Ever walked in on your parents while they were getting busy? If so, how many times and how old were you? No; I find it SO hard to accept that my parents ever did have sex lmao, they were SO incompatible and just never got along, it seemed like growing up.

If you were to get pregnant as a teen, what would happen? Well, I woulda kept it, because at the time I was pro-life. Thank fuck this never happened.

Do you prefer broccoli or asparagus? Broccoli, I absolutely hate asparagus.

What was the last flattering thing someone did/said to/for you? Uhhhhhh let's see probably something Girt said, he honestly says stuff like that a lot. ;__; <3

Do you know anybody that believes that magic/witchery truly exists? Yep, my sister Misty to name just one.

Roughly how hot are the summer temperatures where you reside? Usually 90s, sometimes low 100s. I absolutely hate it.

[fersrsbizniz]

Finally back on my bullshit with the Beast Wars rewatch.

Today is the day for “The Probe”.

To my followers unfamiliar with this show, yep, that’s the title.

I’ll try to keep my nonsense to a minimum for those who clicked this in curiosity, I may have gone a little overboard last time…but I did offer a warning.

Cue the guitar!!!

You know, I would have loved to see more of Cybertron but I get why they couldn’t. I did see in a few gifs that they make it there in the sequel (I never watched that). I’ve heard warnings about Beast Machines, though, so a little gun shy about watching it.

Considering there’s a whole two seasons + more season one episodes, your probes are in fact, not going to do as you say, disembodied voice.

Ah, Cheetor and Rattrap are going to race home.

If that’s not the look of disappointed parents I don’t know what is.

I stand by my statement with that chastisement, too.

They’re picking up a signal!

And here I am once more wondering why they chose to make the asses so obvious and THERE (unless it’s for the butt jokes because I giggled with the thunk they put there, ngl)

Everyone is so excited!!! Except for Dinobot 😢

Which makes sense. I may not know a whole whole lot about what happened to these characters before they got here (and I rightly can’t remember if Megatron has a proper leg to stand on with his conquest at any point or if it’s just a bunch of mustache twirling), but I know what trouble Dinobot would probably be in for aiding Megatron, regardless of who he is currently helping. I feel for the guy; especially since he definitely is NOT the mustache twirling one. He is complicated with his passions for turning robots into slag, and I’m so curious to see how he came by that even though I know it’s never to be answered. If he could (unlikely) would he even want to go home? What would the Maximal top brass do to him upon his return? Yeah, I’m seeing exactly why he’s not happy about this.

Not to mention—regardless of his disposition—he would probably miss any interaction with individuals like him in any capacity if he managed to remain on the planet.

Now they’re building their array (of course on Predacon grounds). Shenanigans ensue, Cheetor goes to scout, and Dinobot is told to keep working.

Rattrap is not catching on, which is surprising for the usually sharp bot, but his sensors are probably preoccupied by his own interest in getting off of the planet. And once explained, Optimus offers a sweet gesture, but things aren’t so simple my guy. Dinobot does have a sense of self that may not 100% fit your expectations and he might not mind that, although others will.

This is a big L Tigatron…and I feel for you.

Cheetor…you walked right into that. ASSESS THE SITUATION BEFORE YOU ENGAGE GDI. You are new, yes, but by this point you’d think that would have been taught to you?!?!

Tarantulas, I want to be mad, but with what I said up there, I have to give you a pass. Also am not quite sure why I hated you so badly when I was a kid. Sure you’re creepy, and maybe a little too sensual when trying to eat someone, but can’t think of that moment when I just began despising you. Maybe it’s growth in my part.

Or maybe I just need to see whatever scene it was again.

Well, the Predacons found out. They connected the dots.

Rattrap being as gentle as ever with people’s emotions…

“Oh, to the Inferno with both of you” *BOOM* I laughed and I can’t even pretend I didn’t.

There’s so much I love about this scene, the accuracy of weaponry, the literal claw removal via Rattrap’s quick shot, the “I don’t think so” and the “and I really don’t think so” with the fun mechanical sounds, but especially this:

They are begrudging friends and I love it (I’ve always been a bigger fan of begrudging friendships over the other way this could be seen but you all do you and I’ll do me over here)

Of course all that accuracy is shot now that the rest are here.

Cool flip Dinobot, if only you could have had the chance to do something with it. It was smart of them to go for the heaviest hitter though. I just wish I could have seen you get Megatron in the face. Alas, Blackarachnia did that to you. At least Rattrap got his aim back to avenge you somewhat.

You know, until the little transformation issue.

Don’t know if they needed that triple take there of your half-baseball thing, but good on you Optimus.

And good on you too, Rhinox! I did get to see someone deck Megatron today! This is really nice, considering, uh, that explosion which definitely ruined all your hard work during this episode.

But hey, the others came to rescue you before Megatron could end you so, win there, right?

So dejected 😞

Perhaps a bummer of an ending but I did enjoy the episode. And of course, I am forever thankful to the 4K person(s)—The one who downloaded the stuff and the other tumblr user who let me know.

[cjrae]

Series: React to a Reaction. Episode 20: Thornapple

Here we go again!

1.) "Maomao takes a moment to consider Jinshi's status:

Maomao: Who is this man really?

Oh my god is it finally happening?

Maomao: Knowing would only land me in more trouble. It's got nothing to do with me.

You have got to be kidding me. I suppose I should be happy that she accepts the truth, even if she refuses to look at it."

I believe another commenter used the term "avoidant little shit" and it fits. As frustrating as it is (especially for Jinshi, eventually), the fact that she DELIBERATELY avoids looking at this tells us a lot about how she feels about Jinshi, far more than anything she says or thinks.

2.) "And for as much as he likes Maomao, sometimes Jinshi really doesn't know what the hell he's suppose to do with this girl."

Oh, look, their dynamic in a nutshell!

3.) "Gaoshun teases Jinshi for acting like a child by holding his nose. I wish Gaoshun would get off that already. It's so fucking patronizing. And I know Jinshi has responsibilities and expectations and all that shit, so he has to behave a certain way in public, but does Gaoshun really have to enforce all of that when it's just the two of them relaxing at home?"

In short, yes.

Gaoshun and Jinshi's relationship is interesting, because of the power imbalance. Gaoshun's job is to ensure that the prince is competent - Jinshi's happiness is not a part of this equation. That doesn't mean that Gaoshun doesn't care, but as you put it a while ago in a different review, the prince is powerless to escape his duty.

It takes on more significance as the shadow of his Former Majesty looms over the royal family. Jinshi mentions how the Emperor is only interested in "ripened fruit." His preferences for large busts takes on darker mindset when you realize that he is making a point of choosing his concubines who are grown women, not prepubescent girls, as a political break with the previous administration.

Jinshi is not just a member of the royal family - until a baby boy is born somewhere in that harem, he's the Crown Prince. Which means that not only does the Emperor need to show that he is temperate, competent and not a pedophile, but that his heir is also worthy of taking the throne.

There's a lot of trauma hanging over the royal family that's shaped the Emperor, Jinshi, Ah-Duo and others that we'll see next season. (Or if you start the manga/light novels).

Gaoshun has a hell of a tightrope to walk. And, frankly, he doesn't get to make the call about how Jinshi is raised. He and Suiren have to follow the orders they're given about how to raise him.

4.) "Alright, okay, so Jinshi takes this… concoction to suppress his manhood. I'm trying to figure out mechanically exactly what that means, and I think I know, but wow. What a thing to do to yourself...What is wrong inside Jinshi's head or life that this is something he does?"

This "concoction" is the funniest fucking thing to me, because we saw Maomao pick up the prescription a couple of episodes ago and be confused about why the packet was filled with potato flour. It's specifically taro powder. Someone tell the bubble tea places that too many taro bubble teas are gonna make all the guys unable to perform! Seriously, as fun as the medical mysteries are and they're usually beholden to a modern Western interpretation of medicine and science, occasionally the author pulls out some really weird BS that reminds me not to take it too seriously.

Also, doesn't this just introduce another interesting parallel between Maomao and Jinshi when it comes to self harm with some greater good justifying it?

5.) "We learn that Gaoshun is a GILF grandfather."

You had it right the first time.

6.) "Oh Jinshi…. doesn't know about the baby switch? What the hell? I was convinced he did know. So how did Lady Ah-Duo treat him? I mean he went over to her palace to drink with her alone. The emperor really thinks Jinshi is his little brother huh? Who does know about Jinshi's true identity then? Just me? Do I even know? Have I gotten something mixed up here?"

No, he doesn't know. And neither does the audience really, at this point. Maomao offered a speculation, but that's it.

Something to remember though is that we were just told that Jinshi is 19. Over a year has passed since the first episode (I think it's about 15 months?) which means when the series started, he'd probably just turned 18. He's been doing this for five years as of this episode, which is concurrent to when His Former Majesty died and the succession happened. We also know that before this, Ah-Duo was the Emperor's only consort - which would mean that he was most likely monogamous for all that time.

We don't know much about Jinshi's childhood at this point, but given how determined the characters are to create a break with the previous ruler and how Ah-Duo acted to protect Lishu, I think it's reasonable to assume that this small, nuclear family also worked very hard to keep Jinshi away from His Former Majesty and under their protection - for very gross reasons that are obvious. That would have created a strong bond with Ah-Duo no matter what the status of their biological relationship.

7.) "So why send Maomao away? Is Jinshi concerned after the assassination attempt that it's too dangerous to keep Maomao close? Does he see sending Maomao to the Rear Palace as a way to keep her out of Lakan's grasp?"

As much as Jinshi is fundamentally a good man, he's also a political animal. He usually has more than one reason for the things he does. As Maomao notes, Lakan can't get to her in the Rear Palace, which means that in the Jinshi vs. Lakan power struggle, Jinshi just pulled out his big trump card.

Also, with Lady Gyokuyou pregnant, she's gonna need a food taster even more than before. We know that there were multiple attempted poisonings when she was pregnant with Princess Lingli, which means that as much as Maomao likes the assignment and is happy to do it, the risk just went up.

But Jinshi's duty is very clear. His job is to make sure that baby is born safely - and Maomao is the best person for the job. So, back she goes!

8.) "Lihaku is at Verdigris House and he over hears the news that one of the princesses is about to be bought out and he's terrified that it's the one he's in love with. I may care about Lihaku's personal problems some day, but it's not today."

I suspect Lihaku will grow on you. When he first meets Maomao in her freckles, he's not exactly happy about the cat fishing (from his POV), but we've seen him settle into a sort of big brother role over the course of the Suirei investigation.

Also, you are about to get one of the FUNNIEST scenes in the entire show with Lihaku next episode and if your opening GIF isn't Jinshi twitching, I'll be shocked. :D

The Apothecary Diaries

S1E20 First Watch

Here's where I watch The Apothecary Diaries for the first time and give my thoughts, analysis, predictions, and occasionally I stumble into a joke.

To start at the beginning:

Episode 1

My character/locations cheat sheet

Suiren - Jinshi's attendant

Lakan - strategist. Maomao's biological father.

Lihaku - the military officer who took Maomao out of the Rear Palace

Basan - an officer who is related to Gaoshun

Sir Kounen - Jinshi's older acquaintance who died

Suirei: court lady who doesn't like Maomao

Concubine Loulan - the new Pure Consort

Maomao wakes up. In Jinshi's bed. It's better than recovering in the infirmary.

Suiren helps Maomao prepare to see the others who are all eager for answers. The others also includes Basan, who can fuck all the way off. Why is this guy in a perpetual state of pissed off?

Jinshi hasn't pieced together what happened and asked Maomao to explain. She explains the parts of the conspiracy that she's noticed. That Sir Kounen's death was part of this shocks Jinshi. We get a glimpse of someone ordering replacements of the ceremonial items that were stolen. That person is the exact same guy who was around at the deaths of Sir Kounen and the official who ate poisoned seaweed. Still whoever is the mastermind, must have been aware of the metalworker's technique for this conspiracy to work.

Maomao takes a moment to consider Jinshi's status:

Maomao: Who is this man really?

Oh my god is it finally happening?

Maomao: Knowing would only land me in more trouble. It's got nothing to do with me.

You have got to be kidding me. I suppose I should be happy that she accepts the truth, even if she refuses to look at it.

Suirei and her coconspirators went to a lot of trouble to try to kill Jinshi. What is the connection between Suirei and Jinshi?

Oh Suirei is dead. She took poison. Made from her morning glories perhaps? And she was the sole mastermind behind the incident. Right.

Lihaku is here. He's starting to grow on me. Or maybe he just seems preferrable after having to tolerate Basan. What is with all the men in this palace anyway?

Lihaku: Well anyway the mystery's been solved. I'll see you.

That should not have made me laugh the way it did. The way he just drops this very much not solved case and walks away. Lihaku proves he is not the man for Maomao at every turn.

Maomao wonders if Suirei is the type to commit suicide. She thinks maybe, because Suirei was so apathetic, but their last conversation was so strange. She talked about resurrection medicine, which is impossible, but if Suirei took a poison that only made her appear dead... and Maomao can figure out the antidote, then maybe she can "resurrect" Suirei and maybe get some answers? Or is there something else going on here?

Maomao is on to something, and she is so excited. She asks Jinshi for a favor to speak with the doctor who examined Suirei's body. Her enthusiasm for solving mysteries is on full psychotic display, and even having seen it before, Jinshi is a little taken aback.

Gaoshun doesn't want Jinshi in the morgue.

But:

Jinshi: Where the apothecary goes, so will I. Gaoshun: *sigh* Naturally.

Gaoshun, sweety, if you already knew, then why did you bother?

It seems Suirei was depending on this doctor who is in love with her to perform her autopsy, because he never cut her open to find out what kind of poison she ingested. Maomao reveals that the woman in Suirei's casket is not in fact Suirei. She then taunts the doctor into revealing the truth, that he didn't perform the post-mortem.

Gaoshun is quick to get between the angry man and Maomao.

Maomao's theory is that Suirei concocted a strong poison, containing thornapple, that made her appear dead, but later when the affects wore off, she had help from her coconspirators to replace her body with someone else's and escape. We get another glimpse of our mysterious man. To be able to get in and out they disguised Suirei as a vendor.

Jinshi thinks it's crazy to risk taking such a dangerous poison. Maomao is quick to admit she would do it. And Jinshi knows her all too well, because he says she would do it simply for the pleasure of it.

Maomao has some professional respect for Suirei and all the skills, planning, and daring it took to pull this off. Maomao seems a bit unhinged here; she laughs maniacally as she considers how to get the elixir recipe from Suirei.

Then she quickly switches affect to sweetly ask if she may have her leg restitched. And for as much as he likes Maomao, sometimes Jinshi really doesn't know what the hell he's suppose to do with this girl, because he's completely exasperated that she would wait so long to mention that her leg is bleeding. But of course she waited. She will always put her own well being behind everything else.

Oh. Concubine Loulan. We haven't seen her in quite awhile. She has one of her attendants whisper in her ear and we see her eye narrow for just a moment. Was she receiving word about Suirei? Is Lady Loulan involved in this scheme somehow? Why come at Jinshi?

Jinshi is sitting up alone at night thinking. We've seen him do this before and find something to smile about. This time, he's pensive, troubled. Thinking about the mystery that is Suirei; how she came into the palace and what her motives were.

Then we have the greatest conversation ever between Jinshi and Gaoshun with so many wonderful twists and turns.

Gaoshun comes in to share a drink with Jinshi after tending to Maomao. Jinshi has been thinking a lot about Maomao, and particularly about what to do about Lakan.

Gaoshun drinks first, testing for poison or an aphrodisiac? Just what does Jinshi have to drink here that tastes so bad? Gaoshun claims that Jinshi need not drink it, but Jinshi claims it is his duty as a eunuch??? Okay man...

Gaoshun teases Jinshi for acting like a child by holding his nose. I wish Gaoshun would get off that already. It's so fucking patronizing. And I know Jinshi has responsibilities and expectations and all that shit, so he has to behave a certain way in public, but does Gaoshun really have to enforce all of that when it's just the two of them relaxing at home?

Jinshi tells us here that "Jinshi" the eunuch is 24 years old, and that "Jinshi" is a persona he uses to operate in the Rear Palace.

Alright, okay, so Jinshi takes this... concoction to suppress his manhood. I'm trying to figure out mechanically exactly what that means, and I think I know, but wow. What a thing to do to yourself. Gaoshun threatens that this stuff will one day make Jinshi impotent. Maybe, quit taking it then? Like why is Jinshi risking it? Is this really expected of him? Like, what if something happened to the current emperor while he doesn't have an heir? Wouldn't the empire need to Jinshi as their back up? Why would he even be permitted to risk impotency before the line of succession is secure? It's really fricking odd to me.

What is wrong inside Jinshi's head or life that this is something he does?

We learn that Gaoshun is a GILF grandfather. And that anger-management nightmare Basan is about to wreck some lady's life with marriage. He's only 19, like Jinshi.

Jinshi is only fucking 19? He's, like, just barely an adult. Still a teenager. What a horrible world he lives in, that it would crush this young man with so much responsibility before he has even lived two decades. I want cry, and wrap him up safe and warm and make him some soup. Is it okay that I just want to mother this young man? Can we get Ah-Duo back?

Gaoshun wants to retire, but he can't do it until he sees Jinshi settled. Jinshi says he'll do his best. But at this pace, it's going to take him 10 more years to marry Maomao, so hopefully Gaoshun's grandkids won't be completely grown by the time he gets to meet them.

Oh Lady Loulan can speak! I've never heard her use words before. And Jinshi is sparkling. I feel sick when I see it now. Loulan is constantly changing her look to the point that the emperor cannot recognize her, and I'm sorry what? That's weird enough to be important.

We learn that at least the current emperor isn't a fucking pedophile like his own father was.

Oh Jinshi.... doesn't know about the baby switch? What the hell? I was convinced he did know. So how did Lady Ah-Duo treat him? I mean he went over to her palace to drink with her alone. The emperor really thinks Jinshi is his little brother huh? Who does know about Jinshi's true identity then? Just me? Do I even know? Have I gotten something mixed up here?

Jinshi wonders why the emperor hasn't fathered a new crown prince already. Yeah like what the hell? He didn't even have another wife after Lady Ah-Duo lost her uterus, until he inherited the throne and the Rear Palace. He's got at least 4 main wives, 2 that he doesn't touch, and 2 that he definitely does. And also, like, all the other lesser ranked ladies of the harem. What is this guy doing? Or rather not doing?

Jinshi sounds like he would like a prince to come along so he could gtfo of the line of succession and do his own thing.

Speaking of babies. Lady Gyokuyou is looking exhausted and... pregnant? Yup she's preggo. And Maomao gets to go be a midwife! Yay!

It seems every time Maomao puts down roots she is ripped away to go some place else. This time she literally put down roots when she planted her herb garden. She's come to enjoy this life here, and the people in her orbit. And being near Jinshi. But now, who knows when she will be able to come back.

So why send Maomao away? Is Jinshi concerned after the assassination attempt that it's too dangerous to keep Maomao close? Does he see sending Maomao to the Rear Palace as a way to keep her out of Lakan's grasp? Is this because of Jinshi's conversation with Gaoshun? Does he intend to get serious about finding a wife, one who isn't Maomao?

Maomao is comforted by the thought that she will be away from Lakan, and wonders if this is Jinshi's way of looking out for her. For sure it is. As much as Jinshi would like to keep Maomao around , he will always let her go if he thinks it is better for her. He did it before when he fired her from the Rear Palace the first time.

I am a little excited for Maomao to reunite with the ladies of the Jade Pavilion, even if it means more space between her and Jinshi.

Wow, Lady Gyokuyou's baby has gotten big. How much time has passed? I was thinking a year, but maybe it's closer to two or three? Maomao sees the emperor enjoying some family time and thinks there may be more to him than she thought. I can't read that guy at all. Maomao spares a thought for how difficult the emperor's position is politically with his concubines.

Lihaku is at Verdigris House and he over hears the news that one of the princesses is about to be bought out and he's terrified that it's the one he's in love with. I may care about Lihaku's personal problems some day, but it's not today.

To start at the beginning: Episode 1

Next Episode

Coming Soon!

[studiojeon]

use me | jjk

this is part of my troubled outsiders series. i think you can read this by itself though :)

| summary | -   Jungkook was not someone to establish relationships and bonds out of interest, you knew that. Or maybe not, truth be told, he was an authentic enigma, so open yet so closed and shielded from others to see through, and that didn’t exclude you.

warnings: language (?), mentions of hook ups and situationships. mentions of emotional trauma.

contents: a compilation of moments that contributed to the growth of their relationship, jungkook is hard to read, jungkook is hard to read, jungkook is hard to read and sus. oc is kinda whipped and scared af. chaeryeong knows who you are and where you live. jk and oc are scared to let each other in. friends to lovers, idol!jungkook x student!oc.

author’s note: i hate this, but i have to get it off my chest. (the narration is off af but if i keep it in my drafts for longer this will never see the light of the day). p.s. thank u so much for the support on the last drabble <3

playlist: rain by trey songz (feat. swae lee). 

words: 4.75k

“JK?” as his broad back faces you, you call out his name timidly, not missing the way he swiftly turns around as soon as he hears his name come from your lips. Hair wet and darker than usual, a very big sweat stain at the center of his hoodie. He had just gotten out of practice, you assumed. 

“___?” he replied with the initials of your name as well, one of his tired grins plastered on his face, he must have been exhausted. You had caught on to him just as he walked out of the practice room in front of the elevator on your way to your office, right when you needed him, but now you weren’t so sure if it was a good idea to pester him. Even so, you didn’t know anyone else you could ask for help, aside from Linh who was currently in her own office doing other tasks you had assigned to her.

“Are you busy right now?” your eyes stare at him shyly, in hopes that he was willing to help you out, because you wanted to be around him, so maybe he could share a bit of his positive energy with you, the past week had been hellish.  “Could use some help returning all those heavy stacks of paper in my office”.

“Of course! Why didn’t you give me a call earlier though? It’s pretty late” he walked by your side and you enter the elevator, beginning your adventure around the company.

Jungkook was fun. Always bubbly and reciprocative, constantly trying his best to make you laugh and make the absolute best of your situation, even if he could be a bit stubborn at times. You liked the spontaneity he provided though, the way he would switch from one topic to another and how he would make silly faces at you whenever you locked eyes. 

He didn’t know, but in pure ignorance, he had just made your day ten times better. 

In the past week, you had received a lot of counterarguments, one by one, on how useless your management tactics were. Granted, you hadn’t expected for your ideas to be welcomed with open arms, but at least you had hoped they would take them into consideration. You had also been assigned a team, in charge of social media management, who worked monotonously and with little to no insertion in the actual target audience… your logic was: how can you advertise products to an audience you don’t even have the mere interest to know? You had designed a strategy, presented it, and no one paid any mind to you. 

But for the most part, you felt lonely. Had no one to talk to, nor go to whenever you needed your spirits to be lifted up.

Chaeryeong was busy busy with group projects and work. To the extent where she would get up at seven in the morning and come back at 12 pm. It wasn’t always like that, so you didn’t worry too much, but the fear she would wear herself off like usual still crowded your mind.

You close your office door with a sigh. Tired from everything, but somehow, your heart a little fuller, knowing that maybe you could use Jungkook in the future to give you a lift. Both figuratively and literally because he had offered to drive you home, being the gentleman he was.

“Why do you look like a sad puppy?” he asked you once you were sitting by his side in his very expensive and luxurious mercedes. Tinted windows and jet black shiny paint covered the outside of his car, the smell of air refresher and pinecone filling the inside. Mans was getting hotter by the minute.

“It’s friday night after the longest week of work. How can I not?” you put on your seat belt and lean back against the leather cushions. He pouts in response to you, with a concerned look on his face. 

For a second you wonder if he did this with most coworkers… being nice to them and offering them drives after having met them just a few times before. Kinda risky behviour, considering his position and squeaky clean reputation. You figure this would only last a bit before he realized he had more important things to be focusing on.

“Do you ever get chased home?” you ask randomly. 

With one hand on the wheel and the other leaned against his door he meditated on his response. “It happened once… And then I moved out, got a new car and everything. Shit was wild” he chuckles and you think that was the first time you had heard him curse, like ever. Jungkook, friendly and everything, wasn’t too big of a talker, but with you he found himself spilling, without giving it much thought. It felt refreshing to hear his voice and listen to his stories and the way he expressed himself. He was more interesting than he seemed, apparently. “Aren’t you hungry, by the way? We can have something to eat before i drop you off”

Traffic was hellish in Seoul everyday at every hour, and choosing to drive through Itaewon on a friday night wasn’t the smartest decision on Jungkook’s behalf, but you didn’t have the heart to tell him that. Considering the demands of his job, he probably didn’t know his way around the city that well. You conclude taking a detour wouldn’t hurt. “I’m starving actually.”

He ends up taking you to a restaurant near your neighborhood you had mentioned being good and not crowded at all, the latter catching his attention immediately. It was a modest but nice place owned by a very funny and loud ahjussi. The man had lost count of how many times you had come down from your apartment at 11 pm and asked him to make you vegetarian tteokguk, but they were enough so that he could memorize your five orders by heart and the amount of saewoo mandu you could down by yourself in five minutes. You were making him rich at that point so the least he could do was comply when you gently asked him to shut the place down for you. Jungkook hadn’t asked you, but you knew how things could get awkward and dangerous quickly if too many people found out about him being there. “Ahjussi, you don’t have to” the boy protested as he noticed that the man had shut the blinds for him.

“It’s okay, boy. _____ has been single handedly paying the remnants of my mortgage for over a year now, I don't mind doing this for her.” he joked in his usual nature. already writing down your order and patiently waiting for Jungkook in front of you to voice out what he wanted for a meal. “And well, you and your friends are making our country proud, it’s the least i can do to thank you”

“Ah, thank you.” Jungkook bows to the older man. Your heart softened in your chest, seeing how considerate he was towards other people. He must be great with parents, you think. “Do you really not get that many people around here?” he asked worriedly once he sat back down on the wooden chair.

“We do! But she’s the one who comes the most often” he nods toward you and Jungkook smiles once he found your gaze, a glint of playfulness in his eyes. 

“Can you recommend me anything, miss?”

“Of course, sir. Yeol-ah, double up my order. Drinks are on me today.” You yell at the man’s son in the kitchen, who was still a bit older than you, but also close to enough to let you order him around shamelessly. You knew him quite well, actually. He was Chaeryeong’s boyfriend after all.

The tall boy pokes his head out of the kitchen door with a very confused expression plastered on his face. “Aren’t we supposed to close in like, an hour?” Chanyeol asks his dad in front of you.

“Just go cook, I'll explain later”.

The two men go back into the kitchen and Jungkook looks at you with an amused expression on his face. “What was that?” he laughs.

“I’m very popular, you know?” it probably wasn’t a good idea to go there, but you felt a little drunk on his voice that night, and you also knew your friend didn’t mind. “In fact, Chaereyong from ITZY is my best friend, who would have guessed?”

“Yeah and my son is her boyfriend, who cares?” Byung-ho yells back at you from the cashier, pulling a hiss from your lips. 

Jungkook still continued to stare at the both of you with confusion and intrigue, you guess he thought you were both joking.

“Wait, really?” he utters after a few seconds with big doe eyes and a pout on his lips, a combination that appeared when he was either confused or lying, which wasn’t the case then.

“Yes, my guy.” you laugh. “That juicy legged shortie is indeed my wife”

Jungkook loved the food, to say the least. It was all vegetarian and korean as fuck, a combination he never throught was possible, but downed like thristy camel. He was a loud eater, which was fitting of him and his politeness, something else you had noticed that night. You were the opposite, and actually despised the sounds of other people eating, yet, looking at him enjoying his meal so much made you feel full yourself. He made you feel like a kid in some ways too, brought back the times when being around others wasn’t so hard, and you still could have a sense of security around you. Talking to him was rather easy, maybe because of his welcoming nature, or because in fact he actually was interested in whatever stupid shit you were saying, something most people around you didn’t do. He also, amongst other things, seemed very interested in your job and the likes, always asking questions and absorbing information like a five year old. You had explained to him the five key steps of process design and the psychological effects on marketing in society to which he always responded with wide gentle eyes and attentive nods, not once looking bored or… annoyed in any way. 

Was he like that, with every girl? Because you weren’t anything special, there were many other girls who worked with him everyday and even if you hadn’t seen him in his work space, you could guess by the way most women in your company look at him whenever he passes by that either they were just as captivated as you by his beauty or that he had fucked them. You wouldn’t be surprised if he was just trying to get into your pants either, it wouldn’t be the first time it happened to you nonetheless.

“I can walk from here, JK” you mention once you found yourselves walking towards the parking lot. A bit sad about the expense you had just made on food, it was your fault for trying to seem cool and rich, neither of which you were. 

“Oh no, I’m not letting you do that, girlie” he unlocks the door and gets in, not even letting you finish or allowing you to fight back.

“My apartment is literally a block away” you protest in the car anyways. You fear you had been too much of a bother, and deep down, didn’t want him to feel like you were seeking his presence unnecessarily.

“Well, good for you. But, you paid for the food, which was a lot, and i don’t want my sugar mommy walking by herself at 12 pm on a friday night” you first freeze, and then burst a very loud giggle.

“Whatever” you slap his bicep and roll your eyes. “ Next time you can pay if it bothers you so much.”

“So there will be a next time?” wide eyes stare back at you. “Count me in. I´ll pick where we will be going, just lemme know when so i can plan ahead” he rambles, a little too excited about your suggestion. 

He drops you off with a smile on his face and hopefulness in his eyes, promising to see you around the company. You, on the other hand, feel a tad confused as you enter your apartment building. What was going on? 

You had overthought things so much your entire life that it suddenly became too tiring to do. During the past few years you had to learn how to detach yourself and just ride the wave sometimes. Once you had turned eighteen, everything started moving at a very fast pace, the pressure of adulthood fell upon you like a brick and everything was so overwhelming that you started to simply let the course of your existence take you wherever it needed to.

That’s how you ended up going out with Jungkook at least once a week for dinner or a drive around the city for more than two months. Without even noticing, he became so engraved in your everyday life that whenever he’d cancel plans because of work, you’d find yourself with a void in your heart and a rush of boredom filling your senses. Even if you found yourself in your living room with the company of your best friend whom you had seen at most four times in the past two months, you were still wishing you could share that intimate space with him instead, willing to let him a bit more into your life, in hopes that maybe he would do the same. Sue you, you were curious over the most intricate details about his personality, how his personal sanctuary looked and if the smell of his room is just as good as his car’s. You could bet a thousand dollars (maybe a little less, considering the unconventionalism that characterizes him) that he also had a few plants that only remembered to water three out of seven days of the week. 

Hopefully life would draw you closer to more people like him.

"How's your boyfriend doing?" Chaeryeong asks you from the kitchen counter, sweet popcorn cooking in you popcorn-maker. 

You sigh. "What boyfriend?"

She was a lot of things but oblivious, and you weren't either, just when you chose to be. "Cut the bullshit, you know who i'm talking about". The fake red head waits for your response as she pours the snack into a big bowl, and you on the other hand take this as an advange to search around the room for answers.

"He's just a friend" you say. "And he's fine, i guess… He doesn't really talk much about himself" you mention, matter of factly.

Chaeryeong nods beside you, understanding what you meant. Then, proceeds to tell a tale about her experience meeting the dark haired boy. "He's literally so quiet, but like, so incredibly kind. Once he tripped over and fucked up some of the decoration at an award show" she grabs a popcorn and continues her story. "He looked so panicked I thought his eyes were about to jump out their sockets — His eyes are huge, by the way." 

"I know" you smile.

"My point is, he started to help the staff put everything back in order again. I think he's the only idol I've ever seen do something like that… i decided i liked him then" her beautiful features light up with mischief. "I bet he fucks great too."

You slap her leg. Hard.

"I'm only telling you this now so you don't get caught of guard when he actually manages to fuck you," her soft hands run through your messy hair, motherly touches easing the fluster in your body. "You know he's a big whore, right?" She adds after a while. 

You didn't. According to Chaeryeong, who seemed to keep tabs on every single colleague of hers, Jungkook had quite the body count, not that you didn't have your suspicions before. Frankly, she only knew of two girls inside her company who had had some sort of situationship with him, but for the same reason, she also knew he had some history with other girls from different groups. "Yikes" you laugh nervously, in admiration of their ability to remain calm and collected without giving anything away to the public.

Thanks to your friend, you had heard lots of tea about other singers in the korean industry before, most of which were not as sweet or kind as they portrayed themselves to be, some even using their social status to get their way with girls. But for some reason, Jungkook had never made his way to your gossipping sessions, nor any other of his band mates (except for Jimin, who, if you remember correctly, used to have some sort of beef with one of Chaeryeong's company members). You guess it was because of his unproblematic nature that people chose to give him a pass for his sexual endeavors, not that they were of anyone's concern either. 

A knock is heard against your office door. "Miss _____?" A girl with a brown bob cut pokes her head through it, the dim lights of your office shining upon her incredibly healthy locks. "Jungkook asked me to deliver this to you" sliding completely into the room, she places a box with a note on it on your desk.

"Thank you so much" you wave her off as she walks right out. 

The package had a strawberry flavored canned tea and a bento box inside. 

"I remember you telling me you'd never tried tofu pancakes before, so I made some for you last night. Hope you enjoy! - JK

P.S. Text me when you're done, maybe we can hang out tonight."

You felt like crying, in all honesty. The pancakes were heavenly, and he even added some slices of avocado and a few scoops of rice for you, despite not being the biggest fan of the fruit himself. With a warm heart and relief washing over your body because you wouldn't have to waste money on lunch that day, you had had half of your meal before said boy gave you a call.

"Did you like them?" He said almost immediately. "My assistant told me she already delivered them to you" he adds in a rush.

"Jesus boy, calm down." You giggle at his excitement. "Let me eat in peace".

"No, tell me right now." he demands with a fake angry voice. Cutie.

"They're alright".

"Figured… you have no sense of taste anyways" the hangs up. A giggle escapes your lips. Boy was something else.

Later that day, the weekend started it's course. Jungkook had offered to drive you to the Han River, careful to mention the fact he prepared a bunch of snacks for you two just about five times during your call. The place was almost empty, given that the rest of the city was doing something else more fun than staring at the night sky while sitting on itchy grass. Yet, you wouldn't change the setting for anything else. Usually, when you and Jungkook were out, he'd be in silent wary of your surroundings and the people who could be watching you. It broke your heart, knowing that most of the time he couldn't frequent places most regular people had the pleasure of enjoying, like the movies, for example, or a food stand in the middle of the street. Still, in that moment, the handsome man in front of you seemed as relaxed as ever, munching on grapes and strawberries as he sat in silence beside you. 

"This blanket is so soft, isn't it?" he commented all of a sudden, caressing the fabric with his hand. The thing was made out of polar fleece, no shit. You just nodded and grabbed a piece of fruit from his container. "One of my friends gifted it to me on my birthday" he adds.

"I know. It was me".

"Well, maybe you do have a sense of taste after all" he complies as he lays down on the surface, eyes facing the night sky above you.

"Says the one who uses toe socks" you say back, poking his weak spot.

Instead of going back and forth with you as he usually would, he just winks and closes his eyes. He looked so peaceful and serene beneath you, features carefully carved on his face and slightly blushed cheeks from the cold wind. Jungkook was like that, randomly over confident and flirty with you, but just as quickly would refrain from even disagreeing with you in the first place, scared that you would snap at him. He hadn't told you this, but the way you saw thoughts hidden in his eyes whenever you made a statement let you know his true intentions, leaving you to wonder where that came from.

"Are you tired?" You ask after a few minutes. Still with his eyes closed, Jungkook denies.

"I just don't want to look at you right now," he turns to the side, back facing you as an offended expression finds its way to your face.

"Yah" you slap his back playfully, not letting him finish.

"Because you look too pretty." he mumbles the remnants of  his statement.

Your breath catches in your throat as a shiver climbs its way down your spine. Why was he like that? He had no right tugging on your heart strings like that (if he was being serious in the first place because you never knew with him). You sigh, the blush his words provoked stinging your cheeks.

"You're supposed to say I'm pretty too" he turns around with a playful smile, expectant.

"You just go around giving compliments so you can get them back?" you hiss. "Why so insecure?"

"I'm not insecure, at all." He sits up again, ready to fight you and anyone who dares question the grandiosity of the confidence he had worked so hard for. "You can ask Linh about that".

To say you looked horrified was an understatement, hopeful that what you thought he meant was not it. "You fucked Linh?"

"Well, that's not for you to know". 

What a gentleman, you think. And at the same time, ouch. He had just slammed a door on your face.

"That would explain the way she looks at you whenever you come by the office" you realize. Frankly, the girl looked a bit too panicked whenever Jungkook decided to barge into your space, usually bored out of his mind during his english lessons, laptop and notebook in hand, or struggling to get the questions right. 

"Well good afternoon to you too" you ironically greeted once he sat in front of you, frustration written on his face. Linh, who stood by your side, suddenly fidgeting with the papers in her hand.

"Not the time, _____" he slammed both hands on your desk, startling you and your friend beside you. "Why the fuck did you make me enroll into this in the first place?" 

"I did not make you do anything, dude. I just gave you an idea" you excused yourself, eyes back on your computer. You didn't miss the way Jungkook's eyes briefly followed Linh out the room, though. 

His eyes looked back at you, leg bouncing impatiently on the floor as he leaned back with a pissed off expression on his face. You'd never seen him this way, so you took that as a cue to enter under paid therapist mode. "What's wrong?" You questioned gently.

"I feel incredibly incompetent right now." His hands roamed across his face with frustration. A sigh escaped his lips as he held tears back. "School's always been this way for me, always trying my best and constantly underachieving" he explained.

He was obsessed with winning, you’d even go as far to say more than he was with his job (which was a lot). It didn’t root from narcissistic behaviour though, but rather out of external pressure to constantly overachieve and exceed expectations. He was mostly good at doing that, but everyone had an achilles heel, yours was reading for example, his was studying and school.

"Jungkook, you passed most of your classes with more than 90%, what are you talking about?" a fact he had brought up to you randomly when you mentioned absolutely nearly failing most of your literature classes.

"Yeah, except for English." he shook his head in the way he would when he'd feel conflicted or insecure. "I don't know what i'm doing wrong".

"Did you fail something?" you tried to get some more insight into the situation, still unsure of where all his worries came from.

"No, there's just this sentence I can't properly put together" he turned his notebook towards you. "Ah, just look"

There were some words he had to conjugate and properly place in order to form a grammatically correct sentence, more than five attempts written in neat penmanship on the page evidenced the boy's battle with the assignment. He missed one very important aspect of it, though. "There's a fucking word that's missing, dude" you explain, grabbing the pen from his hand and showing him where the mistake was. "It's not your fault, it's the teacher's".

Jungkook's serious expression didn't go away though. "Well, damn".

You had some sort of emotional trauma with having people ask you for help, it made you think that they didn’t actually care for you as a person but rather just your skills. That was the way you’d grown up and what your position in society seemed to be as well, the one you could butter up and taste when you got bored. Heart had been broken many times too, whenever you’d realize what you thought to be a genuine connection was merely pure interest. Those thoughts clouded your head when Jungkook would randomly enter your office with a frustrated expression on his face, yet, that occurred less often than it didn’t. 

Jungkook was not someone to establish relationships and bonds out of interest, you knew that. Or maybe not, truth be told, he was an authentic enigma, so open yet so closed and shielded from others to see through, and that didn’t exclude you most of the time, hence your wish for him to let you in a bit more before you could allow yourself to free fall into whatever was going on between you both.

You reach for the fabric of his hoodie, tugging his sleeve with your fingers just because you really liked the color of it, and maybe because you wanted to feel closer to him. He doesn’t react to your touch, just looks at your hands briefly as they play with the edges of his clothing. “Where did you get this from?”

“An online store, I think.” he replies softly, reaching for your hand on his arm, caressing the surface of your nails. “It’s a unisex brand, i can send you their link afterwards.”

“Is it too expensive?” you inquire, not only to keep the moment afloat, but because you genuinely liked most of his pieces of clothing, especially his hoodies and shoes. Jungkook laughs at your question and looks at you with a smile.

“I don’t think i would know, ____. I’m rich.” he says, playfully. And he was right, what was expensive for you might just be cheap as fuck for him, you wonder if when a lot of money is in your hands you start to become very tuned out from what’s affordable or not anymore.

“True.”

“I can buy you one, though. I don’t mind.” he adds. Soft look in his eyes, a pure and genuine offer that you had to deny.

“I didn’t say i wanted one” you lie, only partially, because although you’d not mentioned it, you did actually want it. “I just think it’s pretty” you finally let go of him.

“Or do you think I look pretty in it?” he pushes, a sucker for compliments.

“Yeah, that might be it.” you admit, because there was no point in denying your irrefutable attraction to the man, as much as you hated to be vulnerable, especially in front of him.

“I think it would look prettier on you”.

Don´t copy or repost please. by studiojeon on tumblr.