#whether i wanna or not but my mom can just do whatever the fuck she wants

[cthulhus-curse]

Leather & Lace

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 4,012

Warnings: Age Difference, Breeding, Degradation, Jealousy, Mommy Kink, Nursing, Pervy!Stepmom!Wanda, Possessive Behavior, Praise Kink, Slight fluff, Somnophilia, Strap-Ons, Vaginal Fingering | 18+ Minors DNI

Summary: After a split-second decision, Wanda finally gets what she wants from her lovely little stepdaughter.

Eyes remained emotionless as a front to the anger that lay beneath them. Watching intently, they studied the somber scene, narrowing as they watched a hand lower to a spot they had previously claimed as their own — of course not officially, but you could only dream.

You hadn’t spoken a word during the entirety of the morning. Glaring at your father was second nature at best as you hid behind the excuse of him being away for too long and never having time for you. Adulthood carried on many things, one of them being a disdain for being around him. The same couldn’t be said for your stepmother though.

Wanda laughed as the man whispered something in her ear, biting down on her bottom lip — it was a move you found to be adorable each time you feasted your eyes upon it. She was finishing off the dishes, breakfast already having been served in earlier hours. The perfect housewife was to keep you all fed, to be a submissive entity for your father to walk all over.

“We were thinking about going to the park today. Wanda wants to take the twins there,” your father piped up when turning to you. A set of twin brothers from Wanda’s previous marriage were the only ones to keep to sane as you watched the relationship between your dad and stepmom develop further for years. “Wanna come?”

“Whatever,” came your huff. The harsh gaze Wanda threw at you made you squirm, but your eyes faltered and ignored it out of fear.

“Come on, don’t be like that. We just want to have some family time-”

“Not my family,” you repeated as you had many times through the years. “I’m not a kid. I don’t need mommy,” you turned to Wanda staring daggers, “to take care of me. The only reason I haven’t moved out is because I’m waiting to finish college. Then I’m getting the fuck out of this shit town.”

“Y/N, don’t you dare talk like that,” your father warned.

“Or what? You’re not even around enough to give a shit about whether I move or not. It’s always work, work, and wo-” as you rambled on about his absence since his divorce from your mother, his phone rang. Not even a Saturday, the boys with their father for the weekend, could be spent in peace with his own family. “Speak of the devil. Are you gonna answer that?”

Without a word, your father excused himself. During the early years of having moved with him, you surely blamed him for the lack of parenting he carried out. You’d move with your mother if she wasn’t halfway across the world teaching English as a second language in various countries, living her life to the fullest as she ignored her motherly duties. All through high school you had been alone. Now in college, the one person you didn’t know you could count on was the surrogate caregiver who pranced to your side.

“Darling, that’s no way of speaking to your dad,” Wanda said in a low voice, tender as fury rose from the depths of her words. “You should apologize. Can you do that for me, sweetheart?”

“I’m not doing jack-shit for you. You’re not my mom, you bitch.”

Surely the tone was harsher than you meant it to be, especially when the woman towered over you in the kitchen, you sitting on the stool by the island gulping down a know of fear. She tilted her head and suddenly all the years of anger, hatred, and surprising lust you felt for her vanished, let alone for the last one of course. With dark viridescent eyes dripping with need, she dropped her gaze to your lips.

Neither of you were fazed when your father ran to get an overnight bag ready. His job called for spontaneous trips across the world much like your mother, seeking out investment opportunities for this technology company, and yet most of the time you deduced he was simply using it as an excuse to fuck his secretary — same as he had done with your mother before marrying Wanda.

While he was adding the finishing touches to his bag, distracted as ever, Wanda grabbed your arm. She didn’t hesitate to use undying strength when pulling you away, the heels of her flats clicking against the hardwood floor when you made your way upstairs. Regardless of how much you attempted to twist away, she still held you in place.

“Stupid girl,” she growled. “It’s time we have a little chat about those icky moods of yours.”

You never expected to find yourself thrown over your bed, the woman locking the door as quick as she could. Many times she’d be the one to crack it open and watch as you undressed, a hand shoved between her legs as she hummed at herself. Not that you knew, but she was devoted to making you hers.

“You’ve been in a terrible mood all week, I get it, but don’t you ever dare speak to me like that,” was the first thing Wanda yelped as she towered over you, you sitting by the edge of the bed while she stood proudly. “You need to learn to behave.

“Oh shut up.”

To say her fury escalated at that would be an understatement.

“What’s gotten into you?” She frowned at you, crowing her eyes before stalking forth. As soon as Wanda tilted her head once again, a trademark move of hers, you knew you were done for. She explored your features, eventually averting her gaze down between your legs that you were rubbing against one another. “Oh I see.” A smile spread across her face as she softened up. “Does it maybe have anything to do with this?”

Eyes widened as Wanda, who was well pressed against you, heavy hot breaths falling on your face, cupped your clothed sex. She roughly pressed her fingers against you until she rubbed you, giving you pleasure even with the layers you wore. The hum she let out was all-knowing. Leave it to her to solve a mystery that to you ages to come up with an answer for.

“Wanda what are you-”

“Shhh be quiet, baby. You wouldn’t want your dad to find out, right? Don’t you want to be a good girl for mommy?” She raised her eyebrows, deep green eyes crawling into your soul and pulling out the submissiveness that lay beneath, and you couldn’t help but nod immediately. “Good. Now let me make it better. Your little pussy is all sticky and needy huh? I bet you get all hot and bothered when you see mommy. Tell me, sweetheart, have you touched yourself before? Has my pretty girl made herself cum at the thought of her mommy? I know you have, I’ve seen it. Those fingers look so cute inside your cunt.” She leaned in dangerously close. “Maybe I can show you some of the pictures I’ve taken of you like that.”

“Sometimes,” you admitted to her question, although in your hazy mind you couldn’t tell which one. Closing your eyes, you gripped the bed sheets while she rubbed your clothed cunt lazily.

“Yeah? Well, you have to remember that this is all mine. Mommy owns this pretty pussy of yours. Whenever you want to play with my property, you have to ask for permission.” Wanda sighed with relief as she allowed herself to bask in the wet noises your throbbing pussy made while she touched it. Even with your pajama pants on, she could tell you were oozing with juices. “You have no idea how long mommy’s been waiting for this. I’m glad my beautiful princess seems to like it.”

You didn’t fight back as she began tugging off your clothes until you were fully naked, her own being thrown over the floor only moments later. Being pushed back, you allowed your head to hit the mountain of pillows, the chill of the Fall coming through small gaps in your window causing you to shiver.

Seeing Wanda in her nude gloriousness made you drool. Perfection was her name. Her breasts stood perkily waiting to be played with, a toned stomach, slightly full with beautiful rolls, sitting there adorably crafted just for your enjoyment. There were stretch marks along her thighs, chest, and tummy which you urged yourself to kiss, only she hovered above you before you could so much as move.

Lips pressed against your own languidly. Numerous times you fantasized about what it would be like to kiss her, to have her naked frame brushing against your own, hard nipples on your skin, as your mouths danced to a steady rhythm.

“Touch me, please. Just fuck me or something…” you murmured as Wanda dropped a chaste kiss on your mouth. “Do it now. Fuck,” you grabbed her hand and let it fall on your pussy, humping it as you did with your pillows. “That’s good. Oh Wanda that feels so fucking amazing.”

“How pathetic,” she noted with raised eyebrows. Rather than keep touching you as you wished, Wanda slapped you harshly, brushing against your clit slightly and making you scream. “I said to stay quiet. Are you too stupid to understand? Maybe you’re just a mindless little slut for mommy. I bet there’s not a thought behind those pretty eyes of yours, huh?”

While you wished to relinquish some power, you quickly realized Wanda wouldn’t let you have any of it. After years of stressfully marrying your father, all she wished was to turn the tables, to have a submissive pet to use as a means to relieve all her stress. Watching you from afar, peeking through your door or even taking lewd pictures of you without your knowledge only enticed her madness; especially when she rummaged through your underwear drawer and stole a few pieces to wear while getting herself off at the sight of such images. Her craving for you drove her to the depths of desperation. You’d have to do as she said whether you liked it or not.

Fingers teased your entrance, a mocking laughter coming from Wanda as you squirmed beneath her. Neither of you noticed nor cared about the words of goodbye your father threw into the ghost house, the front door closing as you had a space just for yourselves. A weekend entirely devoted to her destroying you and claiming you as her own — how fun.

“I really should punish you for having such a dirty mouth. Cute princesses like you shouldn’t be saying those words, or making their mommies sad at that,” Wanda explained as she placed a kiss along your jaw, fingers making quick work to sloppily thumb at your clit. Folds were then parted, her hand coated with your slickness. When you sobbed at her words, she chuckled. “Oh but you’re just a little puppy, aren’t you? My lovebug doesn’t know any better. That’s okay. I’ll let it slide just this one time, but if you behave like a stupid whore again then I won’t hesitate to punish you.” She smacked her hand against your aching cunt. “Am I clear?”

“Yes,” you breathed out, arms wrapped around her shoulders as you pulled Wanda close.

“Yes what?”

Crying, clinging to her for dear life, you gave in. “Yes, mommy.”

“Good girl.” In all the years you had known her, never did you feel so many tremors running down your body in the presence of Wanda. “Now lay back and let mommy play with you, toy. Let me see how many fingers I can fill your cute pussy with.”

Heat radiated from her body as she began easing her fingers in your tight hole. For a moment she closed her eyes and thought back to the times she had seen you in compromising positions on top of a girl she knew was a friend from college, touching herself while imagining . Kate was never liked by your stepmother, and seeing as she possessively swiftly thrust a pair of digits inside grunting ‘mine’ beneath her breath, it was clear why.

“So wet and so fucking warm for me. Oh baby you feel divine,” Wanda moaned as she pressed her thumb against your clit, the two fingers inside your sticky, aching pussy being pushed deep until her knuckles brushed upon you. “My little baby was just so fussy. Can’t think straight without mommy’s help? Now, next time your princess parts get icky like this, you tell me about it. No need to be a bad girl. Just tell mommy and she’ll make it all better.”

“Yes, mommy,” you whined. “I wanna cum.”

“Already? Oh no little one I’ve barely touched you! You can go a bit longer for mommy, right? I know you can,” she announced. The way her tits brushed with yours, nipples erect and hypnotizing enough made you want to suck harshly on them. With her newly found position as her mommy, you’d surely ask for that. “Good baby bears only cum when mama bear says so, and I know my girl is really good.”

While making out with her, Wanda nipped oh so softly on your lower lip to silently ask for permission that you gave her. Wetness coated your mouth as she swirled her tongue inside, exploring the area while devouring your own tongue, making all that was yours her own. All she desired was to own you, and without much effort she got exactly what.

“You’re such a little whore, you know that, right? I’ve seen the way you touch yourself. Do you think about me when you stretch your pussy out with two fingers, sweetheart, or is it your friend that you imagine? You don’t need her. Mommy will teach you how to be good, and I promise I will always take care of my pretty angel. I don’t think she can do that, can she?” Wanda’s jealousy was rampant, but had always remained silent and simply waited for the time to take her prey as the predator she was. “Hmm and you’re so tiny. Such a delicate doll. It’s so cute how much of you I own already.”

By no means were her movements tender. She had waited long months to have you, always coming second to the disdain you had for humanity let alone for Kate. The poor thing was nothing but a friend you had fun with at times, but Wanda wasn’t about to let you whore yourself off to someone else when she was to care for you. Daily inspections would be a must to ensure her little one was hers.

“So full,” you whispered with your heart on the line for her. All Wanda did was curl her fingers up, making you scream with her mouth hovering above your own. “I’m so full with you, mommy.”

Your velvety walls clamped down harshly against her causing Wanda to grunt. “Hmm time for my little puppy to cum. Be good and show me what I want. Show me who your rightful owner is.”

When you finally did come undone, Wanda was there kissing your pleasurable screams away, still deep in your pussy fucking your through your orgasm, not letting you catch your breath as she made you hers.

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

During certain nights Wanda found her desperation growing by the second. She didn’t have trouble slipping away from her shared bed with her husband and instead waltzing into your room, a rather large toy nestled comfortably between her legs. Entering your room in the depths of darkness was nothing new, but with the hunger she felt, it would be the first time she took you without caring for what you had to say in response.

Earlier that day you had excused yourself to explore the world with friends. Weekends were the only times where you got to relax, to ignore all the workload being crammed through the week and instead find your inner peace. Since the weeks you’d been secretly seeing Wanda you’d spend extra time with her, the boys and your father away on certain occasions, so not having you around was a rather lonely task your stepmother had to get through by herself.

All Wanda had wished to do was wrap you up safely in her arms and nuzzle her face against your shoulder. After having cleaned on that day, the twins having gone away with your father on a camping trip, she entered your room. There she found a frame picture of you and her from when you finished your first year of college and were taken out to dinner as a means to celebrate. Once she undressed herself and eased down on a stuffed animal of yours, one she gave you as a birthday present the previous year, Wanda began getting herself off. Humping the plushie and teasing her clit with one hand, the other held the picture in place as she eyed your shining face, moaning your name as she came.

Now in the late hours of the night, she’d finally get her toy to play with.

When she first shifted over the bed, you slurred slightly. The last thing she’d want was to awaken you from your peaceful slumber knowing you never got enough sleep with all the stress that floated around you.

“Close your eyes, baby,” Wanda’s voice was low as she pulled at your pajama pants along with your underwear, her silk robe already pooling on the floor. “Let mommy touch you a bit. I’ve missed my little slut so much.” Laying you on your side, your cunt in full view, she ran a hand through your slick folds. “So wet already. Oh I bet you spent all day fantasizing about being fucked like the whore you are. Now be a good girl and take my cock.”

While still asleep she grabbed her strap and slid it up and down your slit, making sure to pry your legs open a bit so she could swirl it across your clit. Once fully coated with your juices, jerking herself off a bit as though it was real, Wanda began inching inside, groaning as she basked in the sloshing sounds that came as she stretched out your tight hole.

Strong hands went to grip your hips in place. Wanda pressed her faced against the back of your neck, cheeks flushed and barely visible in the dimly lit room as she fucked you nice and slow. Even in your sleep you were responsive, little noises coming from your parted lips. The deeper she moved her cock in your pussy, the more you stirred.

“Mommy?” You groggily asked, eyes fluttering open slightly. “What’s going on? I feel really weird.”

“It’s okay, princess. Mommy just missed you. Won’t you let me touch you?” Although exhausted, you nodded. “Good girl. I even brought the special toy. You can have all of mommy’s treat. Do you want it now, baby?”

Hugging you from behind, Wanda pumped her cock in and out of your puffy cunt, a hand sneaking between your legs to stimulate your clit. She had to remind you to be quiet, that only good girls would get rewards. The last thing she wished was to alert your father of the rather taboo relationship you held, especially knowing it would come to an end.

For a few moments your mommy allowed herself to enjoy the feeling of your pussy. She desperately wished to truly understand how tight you were as your walls held her faux cock, the toy sliding past your folds as you hungrily took it all. Neither of you minded the mess that formed on your sheets, Wanda being far too blissed out as she desired to take everything from you – your sanity, your freedom, and your love would be all hers.

“Whatever my baby wants she gets,” she husked out.

Wanda pulled out her cock, leaving you empty and sobbing with exhaustion. Right as she was about to squeeze her drenched length, you grabbed her wrist, turning over so you could face her. She left you with droopy eyes and drool falling down your chin.

“Mommy, inside please,” you begged. Grinding yourself down against her bulbous dildo, you threw your head back. The way in which you clung to her, hands on her shoulders with eyes drifting down to her uncovered tits made her pity for you grew. “Please, I need it.”

“Oh but honey I don’t want to get my fleshlight all dirty.” Wanda nuzzled her face against your own, her flushed cheeks brushing yours. “Maybe if you beg a little…”

“Please mommy! I promise to be such a good girl, a whore, and let you use me whenever you want to. I need you to stuff me. I can't stop thinking about you inside me filling my pussy up with your treat. You can use me even when I say I don’t want to. Please, just cum inside me. I need it so bad.”

Wanda was more than content with your response. She cupped your face with a hand, the other guiding her strap-on back inside your pussy. “Hmm such a good slut. So desperate to have her cunt pumped full with my cum. Maybe I can even give you a baby. Would you like that, sweetie? For mommy to stuff you so full that you have my pups? Oh how cute you’d look.”

The redhead didn’t waste any time squeezing her cock halfway inside you until white sticky drops began squirting in your pussy. Foreheads remained together, your lips tenderly touching down upon hers, kissing mommy innocently, as she filled you up. With cum dripping down your inner thighs, Wanda made sure to fuck all of the seed back into you.

“Mommy’s fleshlight,” Wanda breathed out as she held you in place, hips moving and turning your bodies into one. “All mine. No one can have this pussy, baby. Only I can stuff you with pretty pups. Never forget that.”

“I’m full,” you cried. Not only did you have your cunt all pumped with cum, but also Wanda’s thick cock stretching you out.

“I know baby, mommy knows.” Wanda kissed your worries away, eyelids feeling heavy as she shared her love with you. She pulled down your head so you’d press up against her chest, humming calmly. “You can use your mouth if it’ll make it better, darling. Latch on. Mama is here to help you get some more sleep, okay?”

Nodding, you did as you were told. You had yet to reach your climax, so close yet too tired to beg for more. Wrapping your lips around one of her erect nipples, you latched on quickly. Many times you spend laying on top of Wanda, your hazy mind drifting you into Sandman’s realm, as she helped you relax against her. It was one of the many ways she coaxed your stress from school away.

While you began falling asleep once again, mouth suckling on Wanda’s breast, the older woman thrust her hips. She spent the rest of the night using her fleshlight – your aching cunt – before removing the strap from her waist and riding one of your thighs. Holding you close to her chest, mouth agape over skin, Wanda moaned whenever her clit brushed against you. She was practically dripping – only a few minutes passed up until she came undone after having brought you orgasm after orgasm.

To your dismay she was gone by the time you woke up in the morning. That Sunday was spent happily dancing around each other, Wanda’s hand brushing against your ass from time to time before she pressed you against the kitchen counter from behind when no one was looking – it was the perfect opportunity to grope your tits then. Each little moment the two of you got alone, you were sure to make the most of it. And of course when you showered, your stepmother was there peeking through the curtain with a hand between your legs – at least until you invited her inside, through the week rewarding her with various texts with lewd pictures of you she’d treasure forever.

[sensationallysangwoo]

𝚆𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚈𝚘𝚞’𝚛𝚎 𝙼𝚊𝚍: 𝚂𝚞𝚋!𝙲𝚑𝚘 𝚂𝚊𝚗𝚐-𝚆𝚘𝚘 𝚡 𝙵𝚎𝚖! 𝙳𝚘𝚖!𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚂𝙼𝚄𝚃🩶

🩶*𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚒𝚌 𝚒𝚜 𝚠𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚗 𝚂𝚊𝚗𝚐-𝚠𝚘𝚘’𝚜 𝙿𝙾𝚅*

🩶𝚂𝚊𝚗𝚐-𝚠𝚘𝚘 𝚌𝚊𝚗’𝚝 𝚔𝚎𝚎𝚙 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚝-𝚊𝚜𝚜 𝚖𝚘𝚞𝚝𝚑 𝚜𝚑𝚞𝚝 𝚊𝚏𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚗 𝚊𝚛𝚐𝚞𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝, 𝚜𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚍𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚘 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝.

🩶𝚆𝙰𝚁𝙽𝙸𝙽𝙶𝚂: 𝙼𝙸𝙽𝙾𝚁𝚂 𝙳𝙾 𝙽𝙾𝚃 𝙸𝙽𝚃𝙴𝚁𝙰𝙲𝚃!𝚂𝚖𝚞𝚝, 𝚊𝚍𝚞𝚕𝚝 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚝, 𝚂𝚞𝚋!𝙲𝚑𝚘 𝚂𝚊𝚗𝚐-𝚠𝚘𝚘, 𝙵𝚎𝚖𝙳𝚘𝚖!𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛, 𝙼𝚊𝚜𝚘𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚜𝚝!𝚂𝚊𝚗𝚐-𝚠𝚘𝚘, 𝚂𝚊𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚝!𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛, 𝙻𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚋𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚊𝚐𝚎, 𝚜𝚕𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚗𝚊𝚖𝚎-𝚌𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚑𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚢, 𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚎𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚔 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚚𝚞𝚒𝚗𝚝, 𝙿𝚞𝚜𝚜𝚢𝚍𝚛𝚞𝚗𝚔!𝚂𝚊𝚗𝚐-𝚠𝚘𝚘, 𝚊𝚛𝚐𝚞𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚊𝚐𝚎 𝚐𝚊𝚙 (𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙳𝙴𝚁 𝙸𝚂 𝙰 𝙻𝙴𝙶𝙰𝙻 𝙲𝙾𝙽𝚂𝙴𝙽𝚃𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙰𝙳𝚄𝙻𝚃!)

🩶𝚃𝚊𝚐 𝙻𝚒𝚜𝚝: @trashk1tty , @torasgfreal , @dilfismz , @pulparindos , @reddead-salem , @daeholuvs , @radarbiterlover , @partyb0yyyy , @nicki-lovesolderfictionalmen , @sawlover353 , @m4nbl00d 𝚂𝚘 𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢 𝚒𝚏 𝙸 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚘𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝙸’𝚖 𝚊𝚕𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚞𝚙 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 #𝙲𝚑𝚘 𝚂𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚠𝚘𝚘 𝚝𝚊𝚐 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚠𝚊𝚢!

🩶𝚂𝚙𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚊𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚔𝚜 𝚝𝚘 @nicki-lovesolderfictionalmen 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚛𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝! 𝙴𝚗𝚓𝚘𝚢! 🩶

🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶

🩶Sang-woo’s POV🩶

A sigh escapes my lips as my chest heaves. The tight, sharp ache in my temples throbs as I’m sitting on the couch. My girlfriend is mad at me. We don’t fight very often at all but today, for some reason, every little thing I say or do gets under her skin.

I know she has been stressed out lately due to some family drama. Her mother has been causing problems, specifically. I told her to just tell her to back off. Tell her don’t even bother talking to us if she’s going to be nosey and judgy 24/7. I’m beyond tired of her letting her mother walk all over her and pick on her. It’s getting to a point where it’s affecting our relationship, almost. She did not appreciate my input.

“You act like you know everything Sang-Woo. Not everyone’s as cold as you, you know? It’s my own Mom, okay? I can’t just tell her to back off and never talk to me again.”

“So you’re going to let her keep using you as a doormat? You’re okay with her coming in here and nitpicking and judging you, and me, too? You complain about the way she acts but you don’t want to do anything about it, tell me, why is that? It’s practically your own fault that you keep letting her critique you.”

I felt my face burn as I said that. It’s the truth, though. And people need to be able to handle the truth, plain and simple. Even if it is your own family.

“Why are you such a smartass? Why can’t you just support me and understand me, huh? I can’t just cut her off. I do love her you know..” She huffed.

“Well, it’s true. You gotta face it whether you like it or not. You never stand up for yourself and you just let her pick on you every single day. But whatever. Be miserable.”

Her lack of boundaries frustrates me to no end. She’s so soft-hearted, which is why I love her so much. But she can be too soft-hearted for her own good.

She storms away to the bedroom. I remain on the couch. If she wants to be stubborn, then fine. I said what I said.

I go to the kitchen and start fixing some ramyeon, since she’s so mad at me she’s not going to cook. She comes around the corner silently and starts making herself a cup of tea. “So you’re not going to talk to me huh.” I say, breaking the heavy silence. She glares at me.

“You just don’t wanna know when to keep your mouth shut Sang-Woo.”

“And what if I don’t?”

“What if you don’t? You wanna fucking see what happens if you don’t?”

Her threat excites me. I feel the blood rush to my dick instantly. That familiar throb followed by the feeling of desperation for relief. “What happens if I don’t? What are you gonna do little girl, huh?” I tease back. I really, REALLY want to see what she will do.

“On your knees.” She commands.

Here we go. I’m so fucking horny my head is cloudy. Seeing her pissed off just really, really does something to me.

I drop to my knees obediently. As I’m looking up at her, she takes my cheek in her hand. “You stupid fucking whore. Always running your mouth. I’m gonna shut you up, alright.”

I swallow thickly. No one, absolutely no one on this Earth, could ever know I’m on my knees for a girl over half my age. I have a reputation. But whenever she’s barking commands at me like a dog I can’t help but feel weak in the knees.

She pulls her sweatpants down and grabs a fistful of my hair. “Let me put that mouth to work, you stupid slut. Shut up for once.”

I am painfully hard. It literally fucking hurts. Just the feeling of my pants brushing against my dick is agonizing. I pull my glasses off and instantly bury my face in her perfect pussy. I lap and suck at her clit as she harshly pulls my hair.

“Ughhhh Sang-woo….g-good boy…” she gasps. The praise just makes me even harder somehow. My tongue dances along her folds. She tastes so sweet, so delicate.

“Gonna cum all over that pretty face of yours Sang-woo-ah.” She moans crudely.

I groan at this, licking and sucking on her clit harder and harder until her thighs shake.

I’m licking up every last drop of her juices as she cums fiercely. Making her lose control with my tongue turns me on more than anything.

“Come on. We’re going to the bedroom.”

She pushes me down on the bed roughly. She yanks my pants down and I groan at the cool air hitting my dick. She digs her fingers into my thighs, holding them down roughly as she kisses and bites along my hips, leaving hickies. I’m absolutely dying to feel her hot, wet mouth on my dick.

“P-please..Please…” I choke out. A steady, clear dribble of pre-cum leaks out of my tip. “Please suck it, please.” I beg. If my friends or my colleagues knew I was this pathetic in the bedroom, absolutely no one would respect me. But I just fucking love it.

“Hmmm…should I? Should I suck it, baby? Is that what you want?” She coos as she rubs my tip against her cheek. The friction makes me choke out a sob. “Please…I want you to—AHH.” I can’t even finish my thought as she shoves my cock in her mouth, almost deepthroating it. The pressure and heat feels insane. “I’m gonna fucking cum in your mouth.” I warn her.

She pulls her mouth off my dick at an instant. “What the fuck, already? You’re such a fucking slut. I haven’t even had my mouth on your dick for a whole minute and you’re already gonna bust. This is a punishment so no, you’re not fucking cumming yet.”

All I can do is moan in response. I can’t even form a coherent thought right now. I just want to cum. Suddenly, an idea pops into my head. I should challenge her. I want this to be the best “punishment” yet.

“So that’s all you’re going to do? That wasn’t even a good blowjob.” I sneer.

My smirk is wiped off of my face by a sharp slap on my cheek. It stings in the absolute best way. “Shut up or I’m leaving you with blue balls.”

“You won’t. You want this just as much as I do.”

“Baby, I have a vibrator in the drawer over there. I don’t need you, you fucking dumb whore.”

Suddenly she walks over to the drawer and I think to myself, ah fuck, maybe the backtalk was a stupid idea after all. My balls literally ache. I need to just feel her tight walls around my dick, I need to shoot my cum deep inside her and knock her up, I need to. Fuck.

She pulls out…rope? From the beside table. I have never seen that before.

“Bet you didn’t know I had this, huh. Since you chose to act like a tough guy, this is the consequence you have to face.”

She wraps the rope around my wrists, tying a tight knot. She then fastens my wrists to the bed post.

Now that I have absolutely no freedom, she’s going to tease me til I break. I know it.

She hovers her bare pussy over my dick and I swear I can feel her heat radiating off of it. I buck my hips up, trying to thrust into her but I can’t. I want it so fucking bad.

She laughs at my attempts. “You want this pussy, don’t you, baby? Huh? Let me hear you beg for it. Beg.”

I’ve never ever been this desperate for any woman EVER. “I want to feel your cunt so badly..please…please princess…I want to be deep inside you…Want you to fuck me so hard.. Wanna put a baby in you.” I’m babbling like a fucking moron. I look up at her, sweat coating my hair and my dick feeling as full as ever.

She slowly lowers her hips onto mine. She grabs my dick and inserts it into herself in a painfully slow manor. I moan like a fucking pornstar at the feeling of her warm cunt squeezing my dick. I feel so filthy and needy.

She sits all the way down and I feel the tip of my dick slam against her wall. She moans out a loud “Fuuuuuck” and wraps her pretty fingers around my neck. She starts pounding herself up and down on me and it feels so fucking good I can barely see. My vision is clouded by pleasure and I feel all of the air leaving my lungs as she chokes me out.

Slowly I feel myself slipping away. Black spots form in my peripheral vision as I start feeling faint. The only thing keeping me conscious is the raw, immense, animalistic pleasure I feel from her sopping wet cunt squeezing my cock. I can feel my vocal cords vibrating as I moan uncontrollably.

Slowly, she releases and I gasp for air. I feel almost…drunk. I’m woozy and out of it and all I can focus on is the feeling of her slamming herself down onto me mercilessly.

“You. Little. Fucking. Slut.” She grunts each word as her beautiful hips connect with my thighs. “Look at yourself. Tied up with a girl over half your age fucking your brains out. You’re old enough to be my dad you disgusting perverted old man. Who the fuck do you belong to?”

She slaps me again as I moan out her name like it’s the only word I have in my vocabulary.

“You! I belong to you, princess!” I cry out. I sound so fucking whiny. I can’t believe this little girl reduces me down to this. I’m not complaining though. I can’t get enough.

She slips her fingers into my mouth and I suck obediently. I moan around them as I look deeply into her eyes. She looks so fucking gorgeous. Her perfect body bouncing up and down on my dick, treating me as her own personal fucktoy. This is where I belong, underneath a goddess.

I feel my stomach squeeze and my thigh muscles tighten. I’m gonna cum any second now.

“Aww is someone going to cum? Go ahead, cum for me since you’ve been such a good boy.” That’s all I needed to hear. Her fingers find their way into my hair. Pulling tightly, she rides out her own orgasm. The stinging sensation on my scalp paired with her tensing up around my dick is enough for me.

I practically scream as I explode inside of her. My orgasm lasts at least a minute. I’m filling her to the brim with my cum, so much so that I can feel it pooling onto my own thighs mixed with her own juices.

I’m on autopilot. My brain is absolutely empty, for once. I feel used. Fucked out. Braindead. Pussydrunk. Both of our chests are shiny with sweat, heaving rapidly as we look at each other lovingly. She unties my wrists.

The corners of my lips upturn as I look at her, still on top of me as she tries to regain the strength to get off.

“Sang-woo…” she coos. Her hand gently strokes my cheek.

“I’m sorry about earlier. I will try to understand you better and see things from your perspective, from now on.” I say softly.

She smiles widely at me. She climbs off of me and rolls onto the bed next to me. She grabs my face, kissing me deeply. I melt into the kiss as I wrap my arms around her waist. She lays her head on my chest. “It’s okay, sweetheart. I forgive you.”

My arms tighten around her. The feeling of her weight on top of me paired with her warmth is enough to lull me to sleep.

🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶

Well guys I hope you loved it ahhhh!!! I’ve never written a male POV before but it was fun for a change! Sangwoo is so subby to me but mayhaps I’ll write him as a dom to try it out! I think I will make a master list soon as well. We shall see. Question can you do a master list on mobile? Please tell me lol! See you guys in the next fic have a good night!!✌️🩶 -G

[youtellmeman]

Random sully family headcanons

Including- lo’ak, neteyam, Jake, neytiri, and kiri

Jake

Definitely dropped all of his kids at least once. Like it’s actually so bad neytiri didn’t let him hold tuk for a minute just cause she wanted to give her a fighting chance and he still managed drop her

“Babe cmon she’s my kid too I just wanna hold her for a bit I promise I won’t-” “No you are a skxawng. You will not drop this one before she’s had a chance to learn to walk.” “But-” “No.”

Despite dropping his children he still manages to be all of their favorites at one point or another. For the boys it was when they turned 7 to age 10 cause he was so willing to throw them around and lift them by their ankles.

This does end up in them all getting in trouble sometimes when they play too rough and one of them gets hurt . “shhh stop don’t cry your fine you don’t need your mom”- him and whichever son isn’t hurt.

For the girls it’s when their toddlers. Jake was definitely always a patient in Kiri’s make believe clinic cause ik that girl was playing doctor

And dear dear tuk gets him where it hurts most. “Daddy let me do your makeup” really it’s just face paint but he will end up looking like a clown. And don’t let tuk catch him trynna wash his face. It’ll be clash of clans up in there.

“Tuk I have to go out I have duties.” “Leave it on” “babygirl daddy can’t-” tears start to well as soon as he tries to fight back. Def attends a meeting or two with his face covered in a blend of colors

Ok ok now not family Jake

Can’t handle spice for shit I’m sorry someone had to say it look at that man he may be blue but he was white first that mf can’t take it

Let neytiri or even you make him something with a lil kick. Keeps clearing his throat and wiping the dribble from his nose like y’all can’t tell he’s literally dying.

Along with the whole food thing I think he definitely knows how to cook. I’m not saying he’s stellar but bro can wip something up when needed

Definitely forgets how big he is sometimes like he spent so much of his life being normal height and part of it being bellow that he will just smack right into thing or get stuck cause he swore he could fit. He cannot

I also feel like he gets still gets phantom pain in his legs like from being paralyzed before moving over to his avatar completely. Like it’s such a big mental hurdle that I doubt it goes away

Last but not least. And this is my personal favorite. Definitely goads his children into shit.

“Well if you’re too scared” “pussy” “I knew you wouldn’t”

Doesn’t work on kiri cause she just walks away from him

The other three tho, fucking horrible will immediately loose all prior hesitation and just go balls to the wall with whatever it is.

Neytiri

My wife 🙏

Okk mom neytiri up first

Fucking soccer mom bro doesn’t give a damn will fight for all of her kids even if they’re wrong

Corrects them in private but in public, will square up don’t play

Also feel like I’m the beginning she was definitely the stricter parent but as things changed she softened up where Jake took over being more rah rah

Will stand by Jake on most things but sometimes he goes too far and trust me he hears about it

Despite Jake having the boys favoritism in the adolescents. Before and after they are big mommas boys.

As toddlers yo they are up her ass constantly to the point where she has to ask her mom if this is normal.

“Sa’nok my sons they stick to me like sap from a tree it cannot be normal.” “They are children it is what they do.” “Mother I cannot relieve myself without one them following.”

When they get over it though. Heartbroken truly distraught. The first time one of the boys decided they’d rather hang out with their father she was betrayed and Jake of course didn’t help.

As teens they’re not as clingy as they once were but they definitely come to her for comfort or just affection. Whether it be random hugs from her or just cheek/forehead kissed from their mother they’re all about it

The girls and her are different I feel like. They’re definitely close especially tuk with how small she is. Her and kiri though I feel as though they connect more through their spirituality

And she def teaches kiri how to bead and sow and make clothing. I think they have little daughter dates where they’ll make an afternoon of just making beads and song cords. Chatting or sitting in a comfortable silence

Moving on cause my girl isn’t just a mom

To rival Jake. Spice monster bros. Tears it up without a second thought. She doesn’t even blink

I feel like it definitely becomes a big thing for a minute like norm grows a Carolina reaper just to see how na’vi taste buds react to what we consider to be real hot and she eats that shit like it’s a cherry

“Ok so this is a Carolina reaper it’s really hot so I’d suggest just taking a small-” *throws that shit back like a shot* “I-” “tiri spit it out.” “Why ma Jake, it tastes good. Could I have another?”

And I feel like it’s just her like the other na’vi def feel the heat on it. She goes around offering her new favorite snack to everyone and leaves a trail of pain in her wake. Offers one to Mo’at, simply gets a shake of the head paired with

“I will not be taken by Eywa today”

Way better cook compared to Jake. Kids will shoot her a painstaking glance as a plea for help if they see him cooking something they know he has no buisness making and she’ll take it upon herself to slip in some spices and correct some of his mistakes when he’s not looking. Saving her husbands dignity and her children’s pallets.

Tears up the dance floor don’t play with her. Feel like Jake introduces the concept of dance battles as a joke and it becomes a thing within the clan but everyone knows not to challenge neytiri cause she with whip ur ass McJagar style

Snorts when she laughs. Real loud too Jake thinks that shit is hilarious until he honks like a seagull one day and they agree to go cut out the laugh jokes for the sake of their marriage

Neteyam

Best big brother every don’t play with it

Takes after his mother in the sense that he is more than willing to kick ass for his siblings

Someone made fun of kiri for not being a “real” part of the family once and they had to call Jake to restrain him (def let him get in a few good ones before pulling him off)

The kind of older brother that steals his baby sister when his mom isn’t looking

Gets to the point that if neytiri or Jake can’t find tuk they’ll just assume she’s with neteyam cause he’ll just snatch her up and she LOVES it

Despite being less of a trouble maker then lo’ak he still definitely does shit he shouldn’t the only difference is he’s better at being sneaky

I think he’s more cautious around humans compared to his brother but he’s definitely really curious too

Ends up getting introduced to some of our music from earth.

Bro is SZA’s number one fan a thousand years later

“I might kill my ex, not the best idea~” singing to himself quietly unaware of his brother and spider giggling in the bushes. “Bravo! Give us more! More I say!” “Oh shove off lo’ak!”

He def got that rnb voice though boutta guve ninat a run for her money

Takes after his mother on the whole spicy food thing. Loves Carolina reapers too, he thinks it’s so funny to eat them and then breath real hard in his brothers direction just to watch his eyes tear up

Despite being able to sing can’t dance for shit, two left feet when it comes to rhythm lord help him truly

Really good at hunting, takes after his mother once again

The only person good enough at stalking that can sneak up on neytiri without her having to pretend she doesn’t hear him coming.

Weapon of choice is a bow although I feel like he has really good aim no matter what, throwing knives, slingshot, even a gun when his dad teaches him. Just a natural

Will say though someone give this boy a hug cause the amount of pressure he is under being the eldest son holy cow bro

Feel like this leads to neteyam having anxiety attacks just at the thought of having to take over the mantle one day.

Always goes to kiri when he has them she’s the only person who can calm him down

Lo’ak

Despite loving his family I think he can feel really isolated from them at times

I think him and kiri bond sometimes just over feeling like the odd ones out.

He compares him self to his dad and older brother so much like it’s just sad plus he’s always in trouble so it doesn’t help much

Even though him and his dad have their problems he strives so hard to make him proud

If he had to pick a favorite sibling it would be tuk, because despite neteyam being all over her and her being a snitch from time to time. Tuk just adores lo’ak

“Tuk you can’t come with me, it’s for big kids only” “I’m big!” “Cmon tuk it’s fine you can hang out with me.” “No! I want ‘ak I don’t wanna go with tem” “….damn bro how’d that feel” “ouch”

It’s almost tragic Fr, but he almost always folds when it comes to her. The only time he says no and stands on it so when he thinks she’ll get hurt or won’t be able to keep up.

Him and kiri besides being sad together also hang out pretty often

I think, like kiri and neytiri , she and him make beads together tho it’s more kiri doing it and him trying and failing

They having matching necklace pendants. He wears his in his hair as a charm cause he feels like that’s where it’s closest to him

While he does hold resentment towards neteyam I don’t think it’s enough to mess up their relationship. They were kids together and I think that means more

So that being said. Huge pranksters but only on their father.

The about of times Jake has had water fall on him out of no where is almost sad. They place decoys so he thinks he outsmarted them and then bam, face full of colored powder.

“Hah, those suckers. What do they think, that I’m stupid or so-” *leaf hits him in the face dousing him with bright orange pigment. Followed by the snorts and chuckles of his sons* “I’m gonna kill those damn kids”

Takes after his daddy, cannot handle spice. Minutely better then Jake but like not really

Neytiri makes this na’vi version of chilli and she has to make a tamer version for him and Jake. Even tuk can take spice better than them

Also really interested in human culture and ends up with his own little music taste

Feel like he’s big on 90’s rnb and hip hop. Destiny’s child, dr.dre, Tupac without question

Definitely spits hard ass bars for fun sometimes.

*Spider beat boxing shitily in the background while lo’ak is laying the ground work for some life changing shit. Mean while Jake is watching from afar with their mother* “that’s my son”

Will dance and he will eat y’all up with that shit. Norm lets him watch just dance videos sometimes when he comes over. Changes the course of his life

Will get jiggy with it everywhere and anywhere. Would kick everyone’s ass in dance dance revolution if they had it

Hunting, he’s alright

Bros nothing super special cause he’s clumsy as fuck and loud therefore everyone and their mother knows he’s coming but he’s not that bad in combat

Sometimes

Feral fighter, will bite and scratch, real dangerous with a knife. I’d definitely say he’s more of a close contact fighter over distance

Kiri

(We need more kiri love out here man)

Jake’s princess I’m sorry

She has that man wrapped around her finger and she KNOWS it

Will literally get in trouble with neytiri over it sometimes

“Dad can I go out foraging?” “No I want you to watch over tuk today.” “Please dad? Can’t lo’ak do it?” Qeue the sad baby eyes “of course baby girl you’re right.” “Tsk ma Jake so foolish”

Loves all her siblings so much tho and if she ever feels left out she knows she can go to them they’ll comfort her and make her feel like one of them again

Def starts shit with lo’ak for no reason, she just thinks it’s funny to make him mad

Will ease off sometimes when she knows their father went off on him recently though

That’s when him and her make neteyam’s life difficult poor boy.

Is neither here nor there on the spice scale. Better than Jake and lo’ak for sure but no where near her older brother and neytiris tolerance. Besides I don’t think she really cares for it anyway

Loves to cook, very bad at it

Truly comical how many times neytiri and even mo’at have tried to teach her. Like she’s given the family food poisoning multiple times

Makes Jake try everything cause she knows he won’t say no

Subject to tuk’s makeup makeover also but is usually a good sport

Music cause I have to now

She’s an indie girl don’t play

Pheobe bridgers, Liana Flores, salvia path

Girl in red (😋🤭)

Cannot sing but is an okay dancer

At least by na’vi standards cause I’m convinced she cannot figure out human dance moves for the life of her

Lover not a fighter

And I mean that literally that girl ain’t throwing or catching hands anytime soon

She’ll bite a bitch quick and in a hurry tho if she really must

Fr Fr tho she’s a healer we know this miss girl is one of the best there is in the class

Taking after her mother and her mothers mother ofc

I do think however that she likes fishing. Not using a bow, stick and string waiting patiently fishing. Always returns her catches to the wild after praying to eywa in apology for stressing out one of her creatures

[hockybish]

MIA

l hughes sister au l lola hughes l masterlist

"Lola hasn't shown up yet has she?" Maisie asked. She was missing her future sister-in that she had gotten to know well as she was now of the only influential females in Luke's life that actually liked her.

"Her flight should be landing in a couple of hours. Once we get unloaded I'll go pick her up." Luke set a timer, to make sure he would have enough time to get there on time. "Wanna come with?"

Luke and Maisie got there with plenty of time to spare, so they took the time to just talk since they were still working things out in their own relationship.

"Shouldn't she be out by now? It's been a couple of hours."

"Yeah. She should be" Luke looked around from the spot where they were sitting. It was a high traffic day and there were quite a few people milling about.

Luke stood up to get a better look. He scanned though the crowd, only to come up empty. "Watch for her, I'm going to stand in line at the desk over there, maybe they know something?"

He stood there for what seemed like for forever. In the meantime, Luke had a chance to shoot a message to Jack and called Mason.

“No I haven’t really seen her in a week” Mason admitted to the frustrated Luke.

“Shit” Luke mumbled. The desk attendant was beckoning him forward it was his turn. “Look I gotta go. Can you look around? Maybe Z knows. Call me if you find anything”

“Likewise” mason was worried about the girl he was in love with.

Luke pocketed his phone, stepping up to talk to the lady. He grabbed the paper that had Lola’s flight itinerary on it and showed it to her.

“Can you tell me anything about this flight my sister’s on? I thought it landed a while ago but I haven’t been able to find her and she’s not answering her phone.”

The lady nodded and started typing and clicking away on her computer coming up with answer for the desperate brother.

“Well I can’t tell you whether she’s on the flight. But that plane did get in on time about an hour ago and everyone should be off by now. I’m sorry there’s not much more I can do. Maybe check baggage claim?

--

"Hey man, please tell me Lola is in Vancouver with you. And she's not missing again." Luke asked into the phone.

He raced back to the lake house, only to find Jack was the only one there. Luke dreaded calling his eldest brother, but he knew it was for the best if he did, just to check that box off.

"What do you mean, she hasn't shown up yet?!" Quinn was trying to keep his cool. He was the one to deal with their sister the last time she decided to run away.

He didn't have time for it this time.

"I don't know Q. I went to the airport to pick her up and she wasn't there. I thought maybe her flight got in early and she didn't want to wait for us, so she got a ride home. But she isn't here!"

"Fucking find her. And whatever you do, don't tell mom or dad, yet" Quinn grumbled hanging up on his brother.

He wasn't worried or at least he tried to convince himself of that. He had complete faith his brothers would find her. But just incase he started making a few phone calls of his own.

--

"Lola Clementine Hughes if you are here you better fucking come out right now! There are people worried sick about you." Trevor barged into the place where Leo had been staying.

"Guys I told you yesterday she isn't here anymore. She left." Leo jumped at the loud voice.

"She left? So she was here at some point in time?" Mason frowned. When they were there yesterday, the rookie failed to mention Lola had been there. "Do you have any idea where she went?"

"Shit. I wasn't supposed to say that." Leo looked at the ground not wanting to make direct eye contact with either of his teammates. He started picking at the skin on his thumb, his nerves starting to get the best of him.

"Carlsson tell us everything you know right now, and we'll help protect you from her brothers, who probably kill you if they knew she was at your place and you let her slide right through your fingers."

"Clem asked me not too."

"Dude. Her family is just worried about her. That's all."

He shouldn't have been so scared of her brothers or her extended family like that. but he was because that family included a lot of guys who were bigger than he was. And the thought of something happening to her brought out his stutter again.

"Uh. I ran into her in the hall before the flight to Vegas. She asked if she could stay at my place while we were gone. I told her sure. And she left a few days later. I honestly don't know where she is now. I swear!" Leo spilled the beans on what he knew.

After they interrogated the child a little more, Mason and Trevor were satisfied that he really didn't know anything more and was telling the truth.

“Where do we go now?” Mason climbed back to Trevor’s car.

“Alex” Trevor replied taking off.

"Lola what are you doing here?" Matty asked the girl who had just shown up at his door unexpectedly at three am.

He had gotten back from Boston early that morning. They had a game the next and he needed sleep if he was going to do well so they could stay alive.

"I need a place to stay for a bit. I promise you won't even know I'm here." Lola looked around the simple apartment, it could a little more furnishings, but at the same time seemed very Matty.

"Aren't you supposed to be in Michigan?" He cocked an eyebrow and pursed his lips.

Matty could tell she was running away again, he didn't care though. His home would always be open to Lola.

"I can't. Jack-" She wasn't going to get into it right now and Matt could tell and wasn't going to press the matter any further for now.

"You want to go to my game tonight, if you're not to sick of hockey. We can dress you up in Leafs' gear, no one will ever know you're there."

Lola shrugged, it could be fun

[wazzappp]

So. What if Jaime had chemoreceptors on spots his armor? I have four potential explanations/reasons.

One: the less creepy version: certain types of bugs taste with their feet, etc. Not beetles, but they do. They can land on things and identify whether or not they’re food that way. So, fingertips and or balls of his feet have the ability to taste.

Two: the raptorial version. The forearm blades/upper forelegs are raptorial. If he’s fighting/hunting, he might wanna be able to sense if this is food or not, once he sticks his blades in. So taste receptors on the blades. Possibly little pores like ampullae of lorenzini (detects electrical impulses, so might help with finding muscles to cut to incapacitate prey), or thermal pits like vipers (to help locate large veins to slice.)

Three: antenna version.

The upper forelimbs kinda look like antenna, could give them sensory function (in suit). Maybe sensitive to pressure on the tips, with chemoreceptors clustered on the tip (active investigation, like he’s poking at a thing) and trailing in a rough line down the limb towards his main body (passive investigation, like the wind blows a smell to him)

Four: scout version. The scarab is an infiltrator, part of infiltrating is collecting data, so the armor must have a whole fuck-ton of sensors on it, so the scarab can get lots of data to send to Reach. Khaj isn’t interested in the reach, but that doesn’t change what it was designed for. So lots of sensors everywhere, with taste/smell receptors clustered on the ends of limbs (feet, hands, blades)

Thank you, have a nice day!

Hey. Hi. Not to be dramatic but I’m going to marry you now. This is not a request. Put the ring on

Hoooooooooly fuck I love the Ampullae of Lorenzini idea so much. I know there aren’t really insects that have them (as far as I know) but I don’t fucking care they’re SO COOL. The gel inside ampullengang might need to change because it’s meant to detect electromagnetic fields underwater but that’s like. The only real issue here.

Fuckkkk you could have so much fun with behavioral shit too. Movement might cause his mantis blades to try and lash out to attack whatever’s triggering them. In battle this could help with quick instinctive attacks that might not be possible if he was doing it consciously. BAD news is that means he has to get a grip on them real fucking quick so he doesent hurt anyone on accident. OHHHH MY GOD WHICH WOULD MAKE DUCK-TAPING THEM DOWN IN MY LAST LIL AU BLURB EVEN MORE FUN LETS FUCKING GOOOOOO.

Oh god accidentally hurting a family member. His worst fucking nightmare. Delicious. I am drinking that shit like lemonade.

Yes I added his little clawsies in the diagram you can fit SO many knives on this boy.

THERMAL!! PITS!! Holy fuck I did not know there were beetles that have these but there ARE. They’re called fire chaser beetles and they can sense fires from MILES away and holy fuck I love them. Their sensilla (sorry for spelling it wrong in the drawing lmao) are stored in the thorax and are infrared receptors. These contain liquid which expand in response to the infrared radiation, and touch a nerve, which tells the beetle where heat is coming from.

For Jaime this would be weird as FUCK. It’s more just a sense of 'HEAT WHEREMST’ than infrared vision. It is nice for telling his mom when she forgot to turn off the oven though.

[alaskan-wallflower]

here’s my sandy lore

that nobody asked for

in my head sandy was actually a really good girlfriend to soda…at least, at the beginning. she was raised in an extremely strict, christian family (because oklahoma is pure bible belt). pony himself said he liked sandy just fine, and i think at one point, sandy did love soda.

i’m going to say this now but i don’t think soda was the perfect boyfriend either. nobody’s perfect, and nobody’s going to be a perfect partner, because perfection doesn’t exist. i think at times, soda could be REALLY insecure. all he’s got is his looks, but tulsa has plenty of good looking guys who are also college bound, and who make more than he does at the gas station. and i think that insecurity could impact him as a partner. i think sometimes he could be way too hard on himself, and no matter how much sandy tried to reassure him, the insecurity obviously didn’t go away, which may have frustrated her because she felt he didn’t listen. another thing i notice with soda is that he moves fast with relationships. he’s only sixteen (yes, going on seventeen, but that’s still awful young) and he wants to propose to her. maybe that weaned her off a bit. am i saying her cheating is his fault? absolutely fucking not. but i am saying soda is flawed too, and its the catalyst for the next part.

i think that the love sandy used to hold for soda faded away. that wasn’t his fault. it wasn’t her fault. some things just aren’t meant to be. it definitely wasn’t his fault and i don’t want it to seem like i’m villainizing either of them. that’s just the way the cookie crumbled. over the last few months of their relationship, she tried to love him back, but she just couldnt. but she also couldn’t bring herself to break up with soda. he’s a really sweet guy, after all, and she can’t bear the thought of breaking his heart, at least not to his face. so, what does she do? she tries to get him to break up with her.

sure, it’s stupid. it’s absolutely the wrong choice, but she doesn’t know what else to do. she ends up becoming a bit mean to soda, and will kind of pick at his insecurities that she worked so hard to heal…it’s all an attempt to get him fed up with her. and in the midst of this, she finds a new lover. a soc boy who looks like a greek god and whose folks make more money than double that of her parents. she swears every time there will be her last, but she can’t stop. he’s a drug she can’t stop taking, and she knows it’s wrong, but she can’t stop. everything ends after a pretty big fight between her and soda—she’s the only one yelling. she doesn’t know why she’s yelling, she really doesn’t. she’s screaming at herself to stop but she can’t, she can’t bear to see the absolute hurt in soda’s eyes, but she also can’t bear to keep this faux relationship going. it ends with him stupidly chasing after her, and her telling him she doesn’t wanna see him again.

when she gets home that night, her parents are furious. her dad’s holding the pregnancy test, her mom is sobbing. they start screaming at her because “how could she do this to their family?!” and “you’ve disgraced us and the lord” (because again, they’re extremely religious and i think she dealt with some religious trauma) and it ends with her dad throwing her stuff at her, telling her to pack her bags and get out because she wasn’t allowed back home. she’s disowned. she would give anything to go back to sodapop’s place, but she knows she can’t break the news to him. it’s not his anyway, she’s sure of it. the timelines didn’t add up. he’d notice her growing belly and the normal signs of pregnancy and the moment that kid came out, she knew it would all be over. she can’t do that to him. she can’t hurt him like that.

so she runs. she takes her car and drives off into whatever direction she can. she doesn’t know what to do, whether she should tell her new lover or what, all she knows is it’s going to be a long ride to her grandparents places and if they don’t take her in she doesn’t know what she’ll do.

[themuseinthewoods]

Headcanons for coming out to the characters Troy (2004)

thank you @streets-in-paradise for encouraging me to just go ahead and write this, I really needed that. Your my biggest supporter writing for this fandom anyway, I seriously appreciate you so much.

I'm bisexual, and imagining these guys reacting well had really helped me, I wanna put it out there so maybe somebody will also find comfort in this. Covers both modern and ancient times.

It doesn't matter which part of the rainbow you are, I tried to cover all bases. Love y'all!

I use Queer and LGBTQIA+ as umbrella terms

Characters are Achilles, Patroclus, Hector, Paris, Helen, Briseis, Thetis (Achilles mother), and Odyessus

this is basically pure fluff. fluffier then cotton.

Achilles

Okay, your attracted to more than one gender? good for you! thanks for telling him.

you don't want a relationship or sex with anyone? Send em his way, he'll either sleep with them or tell them off for trying to get with you

your not the gender that you were assigned at birth or non-binary? he's confused, but he will do his best to understand.

if this is in the ye old Greek era, he's very supportive and very protective. He prides himself in the fact that you trust him to keep your secret or to know this about you if it isn't a secret and he will defend you against anyone

he's added a couple names to his 'i have killed list' for you

If its modern era, well, he can't kill people for you but he will protect you.

will take you to pride parades/events, he'll let you do his makeup/hair, he's not wearing an outfit besides a t-shirt that says safe person

for both eras, your family doesn't accept you? fuck that, they don't deserves you, he's your family now, come on, his moms your mom now and Patroclus is your new cousin

he gives good (if not aggressively encouraging) pep talks and will hold you while you cry, if you need to, although he doesn't believe you have any reason to cry because he has a very fuck the haters approach

Patroclus someone please make more gifs of him

poor, sweet, innocent child

he knows the basics, but he is gonna ask so many questions for you regarding everything

he's so supportive though

thinks (knows) you're so brave to tell him this, you're his new role model

ye old Greek era, he will include it in any ballads he writes including you and what makes you so unique

in modern era, he knows.

oh fuck, he knows more then YOU do

he may be a little straight boy but HE HAS BEEN TRAINING FOR THIS

will go to pride parades/events, you want to dress him up with makeup and hair? sure, but only if you want him too

for the both, he will support you, even if you have others, he's your personal cheerleader

Hector

okay so, this guy

this guy will realize through you all the issues with troys support systems for LGBTQIA+ are kinda lacking and in both the ye old Greek era and modern times, depending which one

he's a lil confuzled, ngl, but he will take every idea he has for you for tweaking and opinions until its the best it can be

hes a quiet supporter most of the time, there is obviously more to you then your identity as someone who is Queer, your a separate person, duh

he gives the best hugs though, and he'll let you cry over something related to it for a while, he will eventually tell you that whatever it is doesn't deserve your tears or your time

your family doesn't support? whether you were kicked out or cut off, he's got you

you live with him and his fam in the palace and he acts like you have always been there

Paris

Asks so many questions when you first come out

cries because omg you trust him enough to tell him something so personal, what did he do to deserve this?

big supporter, even if he sometimes forgets, he is really trying his hardest

gives me bi vibes so much honestly

take him to pride events and he will cry because you trust him so much

Helen

shes so confused at first

not because she doesn't know what you mean by why you look so scared

she'd hope that at least her past would help you know that you will never be judged by her unless you are a violent, hateful bastard we don't like Menalaus here folks-

so protective

she'll do pride events, heck she'll host them, go all out with the rainbow decor

adopts you as a part of her family whether yours supports it or not

Briseis make more gifs of her please

this sweet girl hugs you so tightly

she's so excited, shes gonna tell you other people she's heard of and she is gonna tell you which God or Goddess is gonna favor you the most

will help you with anything

transitioning? she'll get you clothes that make you feel more like yourself

non-binary? will find you outfits that have no gender

attracted to a certain type or multiple? shes your wing woman

not attracted to anyone? that's fine, in her eyes your even stronger then the gods

will dress up and do her hair and makeup for pride

Thetis (goddess and mother of Achilles)

supportive mum <3

hugs you so tightly all the time now

in modern times, she'll get a t-shirt that says free mom hugs, with a rainbow next to it

she is so supportive, she brings everything from condoms and snacks, to painkillers and friendship bracelets, to water and a spear change of clothes and shoes

in ye old Greek era, she will get her son to kill anyone who is to rude

Odyessus

supportive

might just say "huh, cool. thanks for telling me"

hugs you more often though

i don't know what else to write

he's only going to pride events if you beg

will end anyone who harms you

love y'all so much!

hugs, hugs to everyone.

[dbnightingale24]

A Sneak Peek To ‘The Dog House Isn’t The Best, But It Can Still Be Our Home’

The final installation to ‘Pavlov’s Dog’

~~

 Finally getting back into the swing of writing!! It’s been a crazy month, so I haven’t been able to write like I want to, but I think we’re finally getting back into a habit...well, as much as a habit as one can get into. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy it, and I can’t wait finish this up and post it!

Warnings: Swearing, Arguing, Heartbreak, Crying, Co-Parenting...ish

Word Count: 2163

~~ 

Ransom’s P.O.V.

“You can’t be here,” you muttered as met me at your parents front door.

“You won’t answer my texts or calls-”

“Because we’re done! Ransom, please stop. Please! This hurts too much and we need to just call it quits!”

“Why? Because of what I said?! I know it was fucked up and I fucking apologized-”

“Ransom, I can’t do this right now! I can’t deal with you and all of your bullshit-”

“What bullshit?! I love you!”

“I don’t wanna do this with you again. Please, don’t make me do this again.”

“You love me-”

“What does that mean?! Honestly, what the fuck does that mean in this situation?! I said it before and I’ll fucking say it again: you’re a fucking bully, Ransom! You don’t care about who you hurt as long as you get your way, and I can’t do it! I’m no saint, but I’m not that terrible! Whether or not he’s your child or not, he didn’t deserve to hear you speak about him like that!”

“He is my child,” I confessed softly.

If the situation hadn’t been so damn serious, I would’ve laughed at the look of pure bewilderment on your face. You were probably wondering how I could’ve been so careless, cause it was all I could think about since Marta told the both of us.

“I can’t...I can’t do this right now, Ransom. I have to-”

“Y/N, I love you. I love you so much and I’ll do whatever it takes to prove that,” I promised as I got down on one knee.

“You can’t be fucking serious right now!” you snapped as your eyes went wide.

“We’re meant to be-”

“Ransom, please don’t do this. Not right here and not right now,” you sobbed as you shook your head.

Why didn’t I listen? Why can’t I ever just fucking listen?

“Why not? It’s difficult, but it’s not impossible! We can do this!”

“Ransom, stop it! Please don’t do this-”

“Marry me, Y/N. Just say yes. We can do this, all you have to do is say-”

“No, Ransom,” you sobbed. “I won’t marry you. Not right now and not like this.”

“Y/N-”

“This isn’t how this is supposed to go. You don’t propose as a last desperate plea! I’m not some fucking toy, I’m not your Mom, and I’m not your fucking therapist. I can’t be your fucking scapegoat-”

“You wouldn’t be!”

“That’s all I would be! Ransom, I can’t do this-”

“Yes, you can! Just say yes! We can move, we can start over, we can start our lives together-”

“No we can’t! Ransom, this isn’t going to solve all of the problems we have-”

“But it can!”

“Ransom, please don’t make me give you a definite answer right now, because you won’t like it.”

“Just say yes! There’s no reason not to-”

“They’re a million reasons not to! Ransom, no. I can’t just jump into this because I’m in love with you-”

“Jump into this because you know it’s right!  We’re right for each other and we have been-”

“What about your son?!”

“What about him?! She did all of this out of spite and jealousy-”

“So he should suffer?! He did nothing and-”

“He doesn’t even know me! He’s gone this long without knowing me, and he’s probably better off for it!”

“Do you even hear yourself?! That’s a fucking cop out and you know it!”

“I never wanted a life with her!”

“You still fucking lied to and manipulated her, Ransom! I hate to break it to you, but they’re consequences to your actions!”

“Listen, I know I fucked up and I hurt you...I’ve hurt others, but before this...Y/N, we were doing so good! Please! I love you and you love me-”

“Love isn’t enough, Ransom. Not this time,” you sobbed as you backed up. “Please, just leave me alone, Ransom. Stop sending flowers, stop coming up around, stop calling and texting...please, just let me go. I love you so much, but I can’t take this anymore. You’re one way with me in private, and completely different in public and I just can’t...you’re not a bad guy, Ransom. I know you want the rest of the world to see you that way as a defense mechanism, but I know you. Truly know you and I don’t like the asshole you pretend to be. I never expected you to be perfect, and yeah, I could live with a lot of things, but you’re just making excuses for yourself! You don’t try at all and I won’t...I can’t the only guiding light in your life. I can’t be the only thing you care about, especially when you don’t even care about yourself!”

“Sweet Thing-”

“No Ransom, I love you, but I can’t keep making excuses for you-for myself so I’ll be able to stomach the shady shit you do! Love is not enough-”

“Everything I’ve done is forgivable!”

“Tell that to Fran!”

“You were fine with it before-”

“Just because I stomached it, doesn’t mean I was fine with it, and ya know what? That’s on me. I talked myself into believing that you were trying to change because of how well you were treating me, but that was all bullshit, wasn’t it? It was all an act-”

“No, it wasn’t! I love you-”

“Ransom, I can’t do this anymore. Love is clearly not enough...not anymore.”

“Y/N-”

“Please go,” you sobbed softly.

What other choice did I have? The resignation was in your eyes, and it had been there since we got back to my house that day. I can’t even blame you, because it’s my lifestyle that put us in the position we’re in, isn’t it? There’s not even a ‘we’.

There’s only me.

You could barely even look at me today, and why should you? Why would you? Lets not pretend any of this shit is on you. From day one, I’ve been getting all of this shit wrong, for reasons that shouldn’t have mattered. I should’ve gone after you the right way when I had the chance, but pride and fear got in the way and I stayed silent. Then, when I finally decided that it was time to go after you, it was because of my bruised ego. Then, despite all of the hell you ended up going through, you still gave me a chance.

Why do I have to fuck up everything? Why can’t I ever bite my tongue, especially when my temper flares up.

You were 100% right in everything that you said. You and I have had so many talks about our shitty childhoods, how terrible our parents were, and what the fuck do I do? The second the words left my mouth, I knew you were more furious with me than anything else, but I couldn’t stop myself.

Fuck Marta.

Yeah, I know my actions have consequences and all that shit, but she did this out of spite, and a stupid weak attempt to win me back. She knew I would snap, especially with Linda being there, and it had nothing to do with our son getting to know me.

“Tell me why I shouldn’t throw you down the fucking steps right now?!” I snarled as I threw the results of the paternity test down. “You little bitch-”

“He has a right to know-”

“Bullshit! Marta this is all bullshit! You don’t give a fuck if that kid knows who his father is or not, and-”

“He’s your son, Ransom!”

“Then why wait until now?! You tell me about him after how many years?!”

She said nothing as tears streamed down her face.

“FUCKING ANSWER ME, MARTA! YOU JUST RUINED THE MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP IN MY LIFE-”

“YOU TOLD ME YOU LOVED ME!” she shouted at me. “You told me you loved me, took half of the inheritance and the company and left!”

“Don’t fucking blame me because you didn’t cover your own ass, Marta! You’ve always known the type of man I am, so I don’t know why you truly believed you were so fucking so special when I-”

“Because you made me believe I was! You made me-”

“Jesus Marta, has no one ever taken you out? Showed you a good time, fucked you senseless? I do a few basic things and you thought a ring was coming? I barely even had to work get that money, but and it’s my fault?! Have I not made sure you’re taken care of? You’re sister and Mother are taken care of, aren’t they?! I’m the one keeping the family afloat in accordance to Harlan’s wishes, not Walt, so I’m still taking care of you! So what the fuck?!”

“What the fuck is so special about her?! What’s so fucking great about her that you’re ready and willing to change your ways?! Why do you get to have your happy ending?! All you do is take from and hurt people! So no! I wasn’t about to sit back and let you live in some fucking fairy-tale!”

“I hope you don’t expect me to help you raise him-”

“He’s your son and now he knows who his Father is!”

“He also knows I don’t want him, and whose fucking fault is that?! You didn’t think about him at all! Not only does Linda know, but you made sure to crush his soul!”

“That’s not-”

“Not what? Not fucking true? It fucking burns you, doesn’t it?! You’re not the fucking saint that everyone thinks you are! At the end of the fucking day, you’re just as terrible and two faced as the rest of us!” I spat at her, venom laced in every word.

She’d probably been holding it in for a majority of the talk, but she finally ran to the trash and threw up everything in her.

“Exactly, as much as you hate me, I can read you like a fucking book. You’re not as holy, perfect, and saint like as you’d like for everyone to believe. Fuck you, Marta!” I yelled before I started to storm out.

“What...what do you think is gonna...happen?” she breathed once she finally got herself together. “You think...you think she’s gonna take you back after you abandoned your own son? After...after all the things you’ve...said? She’s too good for you, Ransom. She doesn’t want damaged goods.”

It’s not like she was wrong.

There was no way in hell you’d take me back, especially if I would’ve abandoned my own child...again. So, I’ve been trying. Really trying. The kid isn’t so bad, and more times than not, I enjoy spending time with him. It’s just not how I imagined things at all. I never even wanted kids until I had your attention, and you’re the only one I ever wanted children with. However, things are what they are, and I do my best to make him happy. Even if you weren’t in the picture, I know what it’s like to have shitty parents.

You were right in saying that my carelessness isn’t his fault.

So, I take him to ball games, I try to care about how he does in school (even though I didn’t care about school, at all), I bring him to work and show him what might be his one day, I call when I’m not around, I don’t yell at him when cries (like my fucking mother did), and I try to control my temper around him. So far, he’s a pretty evened out kid, and I won’t be responsible for fucking him up.

“He’s asleep now,” Marta smiles at me as she makes her way down the stairs. “He had a great day, Ransom. Thanks for the surprise trip to the museum.”

“Yeah well, he’s my son too,” I shrug as I get up. “I’ll be back next weekend to pick him up-”

“Stay. We can talk, watch a movie-”

“Marta, don’t. Nothing has changed between us, it’s the same as they’ve always been.”

“She barely even looked at you today, Ransom.”

“That doesn’t mean I fell in love with you.”

“Ransom-”

“You got your revenge, Marta. I don’t know what the hell else you want from me. I help you raise our child, you and your family are still taken care of, I keep you looped into everything that happens with the publishing company-”

“What’s so wrong with me that you can’t even try to make it work, Ransom?”

“You’re just not her, Marta. That’s not meant to hurt you. That’s not to make you feel small, and I don’t want to argue. I have loved Y/N since kindergarten and it’s only grown over time. Yeah, I’m an asshole, that’s not lost on anyone, but I do truly love Y/N. You made sure to kill any chance of that relationship turning into something real, so you win. At the end of the day, you win. I’ll see you next weekend,” I nod before making my way out, leaving Marta heartbroken once again.

~~

taglist: @emerald-evans​, @maroonsunrise83​, @nomadstucky​, @autumnrose40​, @fuckingbye​, @companionjones​, @whiskeytangofoxtrot555​, @mazda098​, @pono-pura-vida​

[eddievanhammettmunson]

Land of Infinite Wonder

Arbors note- I got inspired while listening to Light My Love by Greta Van fleet. You should give it a listen.

Warnings- fluff, a bit of angst over Eddie’s mom.

Summary- sometimes after a shit day all you need it the one you love.

It had been one of those days. You missed your alarm and ran late, you tripped getting out of bed, traffic was a bitch, everything seemed to move two miles an hour today. You were miserable. You had a shift after school and that was equally as crappy. Customers treated you like shit and you dropped and shattered something and got yelled at by your boss.

After getting home you lay on your bed and stare at your ceiling. You lay there for what feels like hours. You watch the evening turn into the night, as the night falls and gets deeper a debate begins to take hold in your mind. “Do I call him? It’s a school night. I shouldn’t. But he said if I need him. Ugh fuck it”

You grab the phone off the wall and dial Eddie’s number. It rings for a bit when a click happens and an irritated groggy voice answers the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hey Ed’s” you breathe quietly into the receiver.

His voice softens. “Hey sweetheart. Sorry we didn’t see each other much today. Had to work after school.”

“Me to Ed’s.”

“You okay sweets? Why are you callin so late?”

“Do you wanna go on a late night drive with me and then get high and skip school tomorrow?”

“Babe where is this coming from?”

“I had a real shit day Ed’s. I’m tired. I just wanna spend time with you.”

“Okay baby. Whatever you need. You wanna drive or me.”

“I wanna drive. I’ll pick you up outside your trailer in 10.”

You arrive at Eddie’s trailer and he gets in the truck. You reach over and hold his hand as you drive around Hawkins blasting your favorite music. Eventually you drive up to the lake and park down by the seaside. Leaving the music on you grab a pillow and blanket from the back of the truck and you lay down in the back. The two of you get high and then lay down beneath the stars.

Eddie wraps around you as a big spoons. Tucking his head into your neck he just listened as you hummed along to your favorite song with his hands around your waist. Eventually at your favorite part you begin to sing.

“Your mind is a stream of colors

Extending beyond our sky

A land of infinite wonders

A billion lightyears from here now”

You stop singing and start stroking the arms wrapped around your waist.

“This song reminds me of you Ed’s.”

“What?”

“The song. It reminds me of you.”

“Why?”

“Well I think your mind is beautiful Eddie. It makes my life so much brighter. I’m grateful to have you in my life Eddie. Thank you for this tonight. I really needed this.”

You hear Eddie sniffle behind you.

“I love you sweets”

“I love you too Eddie.”

He squeezes you into him and gives you a peck on the shoulder.

“Dance with me sweets”

“What?”

“Come on dance with me.”

Eddie stands from the back of the truck and pulls you with him. He begins to waltz to the song. One could debate on whether or not it was a song you could dance to but it didn’t matter he made it work.

“Wow Eddie I didn’t know you could dance.”

“My mom and I used to dance all the time. She loved to dance.”

“I wish I could have met your mom.”

“I wish you could have too. She would have loved you.” He pulls you into him so your head is resting on his shoulder. He guides the two of you back and forth to the song and every once in awhile he slowly spins you around.

After dancing for awhile he can tell you’re getting tired so he leads you back to the truck and puts you in the passenger seat. He drives you back to his trailer where he helps you get ready for bed and he lays you down and curls up behind you.

He begins to sing Into your ear. You recognize it immediately.

“Your mind is a stream of colors

Extending beyond our sky

A land of infinite wonders

A billion lightyears from here now”

When he finishes the lyrics he leaves a kiss on the top of your head.

“Goodnight sweets.”

[circumlocutive]

My Adderall is hitting and I just wanna shit this text post out before I start work.

I don't think there's a practical point to this kind of navel gazing at this stage in my life, and really it's more of a symptom of an issue in psychiatry with labeling phenotypic categories that don't have much correlation to biochemical mechanisms. But. I do still wonder about whether my avolition and related executive dysfunction/motivation crisis is " better " characterized as a CPTSD thing than an ADHD thing. And whether that should play a role in my expectations for functioning.

Like functionally I'm still going to treat my symptoms the same either way (it doesn't respond to CBT, DBT, or a few diff antidepressants, but does respond adequately [if inconsistently] to stimulants), so from a pragmatic angle fussing over which label is better is not useful to me. It's mostly identity wanking - unless the labels can implicate something actionable, all they really seem to do is saddle you with their sociocultural baggage.

I'd say I have evidence suggesting a genetic predisposition to ADHD traits (which I generally conceptualize based on handling in the broader psych literature as an innate/biological/"nature" [as in nature vs nurture] based thing, like the impairments are there whether or not the environment is good or bad though of course environment influences the final result). My dad is very ADHD and was long before he was a combat veteran if you listen to stories from his family, my dad was adopted bc he had a teen mom so highly likely she had something up too, and my brother is so textbook autism (and autism and ADHD genes run around skipping hand in hand) (stimulant side note these are not definitive scientific correlations I'm making here, autism looking presentation could be related to my brother being abused too and having far less social support, could be related to my mother's psychotic lineage [autism and schizo/bipolar/psychotic spec genes also run around skipping hand in hand], could be a lot of shit).

On the other hand, it is so obvious I have CPTSD (which I conceptualize as a nurture based, acquired dysfunction that does also alter your "nature" in the sense it affects your genetic expression. But while trauma will change your innate biochemical settings, I see the biggest distinction from ADHD in that cptsd wouldn't manifest without external initiation). In the narrative of my life, my current difficulty with motivation makes more sense as. Well. Something to do with living in constant fear for my life in my developmental period. How can I find anything as compelling or salient as preserving my life against a direct, explicit, and omnipresent threat. How am I supposed to give a fuck about tasks if no one is breaking plates over my head about them or depriving me of food and shelter. My whole risk reward system calibration is fuuuucked.

Realistically, I have issues with emotional regulation/motivation/self care because of the combination. I probably do have congenital neurological differences inherited from my parents, and then the extreme circumstances of my youth made for maladaptive neurological conditioning (think in the firing/electrical circuitry) + hormonal release + epigenetic changes + downstream effects that further stunted my prefrontal cortex and amygdala and striatum and whatever structures associated with emotion and reward. Some of the conditioning may be reversible with therapy/safe life experiences but the baseline performance won't be adjusted without biochemical intervention. Maybe that should play a role in setting my expectations for my performance and "improvement" over time.

Idk I have more feelings about labels and the ways they change our perception of the bio phenomena underlying "mental illness" and the self, but I need to do work instead of wasting hours getting the words out and refining them

[tgirlblogger]

Dear Diary,

CW: Eating Disorder, Self Harm, Suicidal Ideation

Same old same old really. Generally an okay day, somewhat bad, but hey when does it ever get good right?

Finally got to skip lunch again, hunger is quite possibly one of the most exquisite feelings in the world. It gnaws at you and hurts you and it is incredible, because you know you're working towards your goal. You know the burning feeling is good for you. What kinda sucks/kinda is good about it is that it just goes away if I don't think about it. I'm really only hungry until usually ten or eleven. Like sure I know I could eat, but it just doesn't hurt. I'm pretty sure this is normal for everyone, but I'm super afraid to ask whether or not it is, because what if it is in fact normal and I essentially ask "is it normal for people to have 2 legs? Is it normal to breathe with your nose? Is it normal to blink?". So I'm doing it indirectly with this diary, but then again really nobody reads these, so I probably won't get a response.

I'm trying something new today, which is drinking water instead of snacking or whatnot. I feel that if I stopped just eating random junk I would be well under 105 right now, and its working pretty well. We got this juice drink or whatever that has "0 calories" and I trust it enough that I will drink it and expect it not to give me any calories or whatnot. I know that it means <5 calories, but I only drank 2 today and at most 10 cals is like nothing. The juice (it actually might be soda) is super tasty, and like its kinda killed my appetite. + I drank a bunch of water too. Unfortunately I super really need to pee but like most problems just kinda go away if you don't think about them. So all I ate today was just some leftover noodles from Saturday when we went to that restaurant. Pretty good stuff, and I can eat it without guilt because its the only thing I ate, and hopefully today I can get my act together and throw a bunch of it up.

It turns out that yeah I was right and wrong and no I won't get HRT on my first referral I have to wait more. I think I already knew this. I kinda hate my mom, because like she's jsut sooooo. I can't describe it tbh. Like I said I was gonna kill myself if she didn't let me get HRT and she just kinda laughed it off? Genuinely a motivator for me to kill myself, but I'm too cowardly to really actually do it. Sure I've got excuses but deep down its because I don't want to. I think she laughed it off because to her knowledge things have been great and I haven't cut in weeks, and you know what? Fuck that, fuck her, I'm going to cut right here right now as I type this.

Just did, feels great. I think it was just styro, but really shallow though. What sucked is that I definitely could have done two cuts, since I can't really gauge how well the shitty bandages I've got will do, and you can't really tell how much a styro cut will bleed until you've waited a bit. I can't even enjoy watching myself bleed anymore. So sad. Makes me wanna kill myself a little bit more.

But then again I'm not feeling overwhelmingly suicidal. Just like I want to do it, but not today you know? Someday soon hopefully. I call it suicide but that isn't really it is it? Its mostly for dramatic effect. I don't want to die, I want to cut my wrists open for them to see and then for them to save me. I don't know what it is I want really, maybe I do want death, maybe I want attention. I want things to go my way with no negative consequences ever.

Today was the first day of semester 2. Whatever. School is whatever for me, because it just comes and goes for me, even if it dominates my life. I've become a bit more self conscious about myself, even if its just for a really stupid reason. So like I've heard a voice say "loser" around me like twice now, and like it might be directed at me? I don't know the source of the voice, and I don't quite know if it even is directed at me, but like occam's razor right? Like there's some part of me that hopes its just to their friend or whatever and its happened twice because of coincidence, but like on the other hand, what else? But like whatever, whatever, I don't know, its stupid. I might just be overthinking things. Maybe it isn't even the same person saying that.

I did some volunteering, I've already said my piece about it in a previous entry. I'm halfway done, 4 out of 8 times. I also emailed my form, it has 4 lines so it lines up well. Don't have much else to say, I guess I should be proud? I do kinda feel proud, but like whatever.

Being true to yourself is what I need. It's essentially what being trans is all about, you discover yourself and realize that you've just been lying. I developed this theory but it also already exists I think (idk I googled "three selves theory" and yeah I think thats it I couldn't be bothered to read the whole blurb) but like there's three versions of you. There's you, there's the you in your head, and there's the you you present yourself as to others. In the ideal world all 3 are aligned, but I don't think it could ever truly be aligned. Unless you're like some cishet normal guy and you're very shallow but also exactly what other people like. Then maybe you've got it nailed down. But like anyways I feel like most of the time the voice in my head is just lying to me. And I know I'm lying to myself but like my internal monologue still says that shit. idk. I've lied to myself and others about a lot of stuff. Some of the stuff I say even here is just kinda lies, like I don't quite really know if I'm onto shit or if I'll think about it later and even realize I was just lying. Because in the moment I feel like I'm being truthful, but like idk. Like I don't even know if me as me is a separate person from [DEADNAME]. Like sometimes I do sometimes I don't. (btw I don't actually care about my deadname all that much, I just kinda censored it for privacy reasons) (also it hardly really counts as a deadname does it? Its not like I have any other names, and its not really dead is it, everybody still uses it). But like at times I feel like we're two separate people, but at times I feel like its just one continuous thing. I'm not even really sure if I'm trans. I don't even know if I want to be a girl anymore, or if I'd just be comfortable as an effeminate man. I have this distinct image in my head of me a few months prior, where my hair was shorter and whatever, and I look a lot like just an effeminate boy, and like being kinda weird here it makes me kinda horny. I kinda want to look like that again? There's a bunch of reasonings on why I want to look like that again but like it all feels a bit fake. It just feels like I go back upon that image and it feels more me than any girl version of me I could picture.

But at the same time I want to be a girl, but like I feel like thats just lying to myself. Like I'm an egg but just for detransition? I feel so confused. I don't want to be a man, I don't want to be a boy either, and I want to be a girl, but it doesn't feel me. Or it does? Like maybe its just because I'm looking back with rose tinted glasses or whatever its called and it's just that I want to be a girl with kinda short hair? Being weird again I think the image of myself was from when I accidentally caught a glimpse of myself with my phone camera while I was fumbling around with my phone, and back then I got like super horny at the idea of fucking my clone. So like was it good back then? Was I at as "me" as I ever would be? But I remember having this elaborate fantasy of getting struck by magic, being cloned, and helping her transition and she would help me transition. So like I still wanted to be different than what I was? I'm sorry that that was kinda weird.

This diary isn't truly a diary. It's kind of a desperate vie for attention. For someone to read any part of this and reblog or comment or message me about how they pity me so so much and how I'm so valid and how etc etc etc. And I don't have an excuse. This is exactly what this is. I feel that if I say I'm sorry I'm being disingenuous, because I do feel bad, but I don't feel sorry.

I think there's some internal transphobia that I actively do, like saying how I'm not a real girl or saying that cis people are the normal people, and that's once again a vie for pity. But I feel like some of it is bleeding over into the real me. I don't know. Can someone tell me I'm a girl? Can someone tell me how despite it all I'm actually trans? I need it.

[tojikai]

OH GOD KAI… (sorry in advance for the thesis that is this message)

I know that Satoru always plays it safe with condoms/plan B but birth control isn’t 100% 😭 she could still be pregnant 😭

I’m going to find comfort in the fact that Satoru probably would’ve had a more emotional reaction on the spot if Naomi was pregnant. (I’m coping so hard right now) I’m hoping that Satoru finally cuts his mother out for good and let’s his father know how fucking disgusting she is.

I can’t imagine what Satoru was thinking. The woman that raised him using him as a security blanket for her own selfishness and then the woman he thought he could have a companion in proving that she’ll do whatever it takes to tie him to her even if it’s not what he wants. aside from himself… who does he really have as a support system? he has his therapist yeah, but that’s not the same as having your person. my heart definitely goes out to him.

What the fuck was Naomi calling his mom for??? “Hey I tried to r*pe your son and it didn’t work and he’s really angry what do we do now?” YOU made the decision to follow through with it knowing damn well he doesn’t love you, you own it. don’t try to blame literally everyone else for your cruel actions because no one forced her to do anything. she made the decision to take the decision away from satoru and for that, she’s scum 🤷🏽‍♀️

i sincerely hope Satoru does put Naomi behind bars… and his mom, or at least gets a restraining order on the two of them. they’re horrible people worth less than the ground they walk on and i hope satoru’s dad lets him rain hell on them two.

now toji… i’m happy they’re both open about not being each others first choices but that’s Yui’s dad. he has every right to be uncomfortable with the fact that Satoru has openly confessed his love for y/n but i hate that he invalidated her feelings of being uncomfortable and told her to get over it when it came to a pet name she didn’t wanna be called. y/n even said it’s not the fact that he talks about his late wife in general, it’s about HOW he makes her feel when he does mention her. there’s a big difference because he only does it in a way that compares the two. and then weaponizing her pain to drive home his point??? that’s definitely not cool.

it’s safe to say the honeymoon period is over and now they’re going to be dealing with the baggage of their past relationships. satoru is always going to be a presence in their lives and so will megumi’s mother (through toji’s words) whether they like it or not. i kind of hate that satoru is willing to give up time with his daughter to make sure toji doesn’t get upset (don’t punish yui 😭) communication is going to be key and they’re going to need to see if they want to work through it because love isn’t enough sometimes.

i wonder what y/n would do if satoru told her what naomi and his mother tried to do… i think she probably should know since it involves yui’s grandmother and who knows what that crazy bitch will do (to yui) to keep satoru. personally, i think that y/n should beat the shit out of her, for EVERYTHING that woman has done. to y/n, to satoru, to yui, to satoru’s dad? i know for a fact she wouldn’t let him deal with everything alone if she found out and part of me hopes they can rely on each other for this.

i’m still hoping for a gojo endgame with a reunited family myself, but i mostly just want everyone to be at peace regardless of what happens 😭 i think satoru has shown actual progress and willingness to ensure y/n and yui’s happiness at the cost of his own and i’d love to see them reunite and get through this stronger than ever 🥹

you killed it again kai! i have so many emotions and thoughts and i can’t wait to see what happens next. thank you for sharing your work and i hope you have a fantastic week! much love 🥰

OMGGGG i enjoyed reading this a lot !! esp. the part where you pointed out how yn's problem was not just toji mentioning his late wife. but rather, how it makes her feel. it wasn't a surprise to her that he'd talk about her at times since she knows about his past, what made yn sad was how it seems like he was trying to tell her to do what she does. that's why she said she felt like a 'placeholder.' :'(( and yeah, the betrayal satoru felt when he found out how his mom spoke w naomi abt it is just too much, and the fact that he has to bear it by himself too :((( as for him giving up their time together w Yui so as to not upset toji, does not only show selflessness but also his hopelessness. he's thinking abt long term, like the school events thing mentioned, which implies that he really thinks that he's got no chance w yn anymore yet he's still trying to make it all up to her 🥹 i feel like satoru's been through too much during these past few chapters😭 anyways, thank you much for sharing your thoughts and for your support <33 it took a bit for me to respond to asks, but i hope you're doing well~ take care !!

[solar-halos]

so fucking bored (if u haven’t heard) that i wrote out some stuff about the career annie longfic

• i’m still not completely sure whether or not i want it to be an au where the only thing that changes about her life is that she was brought up as a career, but i think im leaning away from that idea. she’s still going to have mommy issues (as in issues w her mom) though

• her and finnick are still gonna be childhood sweethearts. so much of the other longfic was based in hcs i don’t personally believe in and this will be one of them just bc the thought of them only being together for about 5 years actually makes me so genuinely sad

• however, this makes fleshing out their relationship even more interesting imo. they still break up, like in the longfic, except it’s way sooner. like finnick comes back from the arena and is trying to talk annie out of volunteering and she gets so fed up with him insinuating that she won’t be able to handle it (who could, honestly?) and he gets so frustrated that he can’t really explain himself properly that they go their separate ways

• and, like in the longfic, annie starts talking to other people, but id want to take this as an opportunity to flesh out how dating works as an academy student. i can’t imagine that they’d wanna date other students, but maybe a lot of ppl there would actually prefer to date non-careers. idk though could be something to think about

• i’m still keeping in zale though and none of u can convince me otherwise. might go an absolutely sinister route peeta said she went insane after watching her district partner get beheaded but he never said if SHE [redacted] [reading this back it sounds like i’m trying to say that she beheaded her district partner. that’s not what i meant i think she’d definitely get remembered for that i’m just saying maybe she was more involved in that than we initially thought… much to think about)

• finnick doesn’t mentor annie but it’s pretty tense whenever they’re in the same room at the same time for dinners or whatever but it also gives her time to think about what the capitol is doing to him. i think she’d figure it out a lot faster than the annie in the other fic bc of that career bg + she’s a lot older now

• now that i’m writing this all out im realizing that this is barely better than them only knowing each other for five years. if anything it’s probably worse bc they’re together for one year and have a bitter breakup and then meet together in the capitol and then after annie wins she gets so embarrassed that he was right about her not being able to “handle it” that it takes them even longer to reconcile. which does sound interesting don’t get me wrong i just don’t wanna write it. so actually i think this is my cue to go and workshop this some more

[takeyourheart]

au where akechi doesnt fucking die

hear me out ok. ok

so. shido engine room. coggoro's got the gun pointed at akechi. akechi gets up and points gun at the pt. joker points his gun back. but then joker shoots coggoro and then akechi shoots the button and then slides under the door as it closes (i dont actually remember off the top of my head if it closes from the top or bottom but Just Go Along With It)

akechi is a free man now. he can do whatever he wants without trying to undermine his dad. except he spent so long trying to do that that he forgot how to be a person (classic identity crisis)

and then the fuckig holy grail thing happens and akechi tags along because he literally has nothing better to do he quit being a detective because he fucking hated the job or something like that and then when the holy grail fuses mementos and reality all the pt disappear except akechi because the public doesnt see him as a pt and hes like What The Fuck

and then akiren fucking kills god with satan and yay. happy ending! except then maruki fucking happens and i have no idea how it would change with akechi being alive. maybe his mom is actaully alive now and akechi is like FUCK. god DAMN you maruki. bitch ass

which begs the question of whether or not akechi has to "wake up" to true reality like the others since he didnt have to in canon p5r but now hes not dead so like. hm

this isnt shuake bait i promise

also no im not making it so the pt automatically forgive him for bein a bitch ass mothafuka it wouldnt be funny. i wanna see haru being the most passive aggressive threatening bitch ever and akechi is fully aware she Could just kill him. also futaba.

[killerpancakeburger]

Vent///

This world really fucking hates introverts. Like. Holy shit. Can you let me live?? We can’t ALL be the life of the party or whatever. No I can’t be besties with my 20 coworkers. Who cares. Why does it matter for a JOB!!!! Why can’t it be enough to be polite and amiable!!

And I can’t help but wonder if I get those comments bc Im young and/or a woman?? Cos I have a male coworker twice my age who's even more asocial than me and guess what!! No one harasses him for it!! He even gets his own office, working peacefully! Without the pressure to change his whole personnality or something!!

My boss even somehow tried to psychoanalyze me or something, asking if I was happy rn and how many friends I had in school. Im sorry. How the FUCK is it any of your business????

As if it wasn’t hard enough having to hear my mom ask why I'm *still* not happy/not better mentally. At least I know she asks bc she feels bad for me. But my boss??

Besides that, I feel backstabbed by how she suddenly mentionned needing an accountant, and not an assistant. 3 months ago YOU said I could CHOSE whether I do the training to become one or not?? That NO ONE would be FORCED?? You didnt react when I said no in front of the others, and suddenly you summon me alone in ur office to tell me the opposite?? That either I do your bidding or Im out?? She perfectly knew three months ago that she'd need an accountant, and yet she let me believe for THREE WHOLE MONTHS that I could remain at my current position? That I could get it as a part time and now suddenly I can only get the part time if I get promoted??? When she perfectly knows I need the part time bc of my chronic fatigue????

And despite all this she'll dare to say to my face that I can be honest about everything?? As if shes not gonna be mad if I tell her she strang me along all this time.

I don't want the promotion cos Id rather have less responsabilities/workload bc it allows me to feel less pressured. Also bc the additionnal work isnt interesting imo. But I could consider it ig. *If* I wasnt cornered into it.

She's now basically telling me that I can’t reject the training to get promoted bc I need to try and see if I like it. What kind of reasonning is that...

It's just. I felt like I was finally finding my footing. Only to get kicked down like that.

This isnt helping at all. This doesnt make me wanna fit it, it makes me wanna quit the job and lock myself home forever. Like yeah I know I cant reasonnably hold down a job when I'm absent twice a month and late almost every day, sometimes even by 45 min. I know how it looks. I wasnt always like this. Every day I wish I could go back. Get my health and energy back.

Guess I won't work then. It's a waste of a diploma, but it was naive of me to imagine that companies would be any more understanding of my handicap than university was.

[chidoroki]

Black Clover ch373

With Nebra deploying a large forest of mist to buy the siblings some time to formulate a plan, Nozel suggests that their best course of action is to rely on Noelle's absurd magic power in order to defeat Acier. As much as I wanted Nozel to be the one single-handedly take down their mother, I can't deny that Noelle is the best bet. Of course she's been growing stronger exceptionally well thanks to her being apart of our main squad of Black Bulls, but I love how this move also shows how much faith Nozel has in her abilities.

My wish wasn't in vain though because my man does indeed get his own moment to shine! I just didn't expect it to happen.. like this. I had imagined that if Nozel was going to get an upgrade during the fight against mom that he would sport some kind of mercury armor similar in style to her steel one, kinda like how Noelle's is, but dude is out here really looking like the silver surfer. But hey, if it grants him some 1v1 action against Acier then I shall not complain! Him bringing up her past advice about how Nozel should use his magic to protect his siblings is the absolute best and I'm so happy he can show his mother just how serious he takes this promise of his! If Noelle was the best option for offense, then we'll find no better fit for defense than Nozel!

Call me dumb, but I'm not actually quite certain what the two siblings do in order to assist Noelle. I wanna believe they're providing extra mana for her to charge up her upcoming attack? Or perhaps lend a hand with control? Well, whatever they're doing, their support goes a long way and nothing thrills me more than seeing this family finally work together as a team.

Okay, so to no one's surprise, Nozel's mercury is indeed toxic to even him. I think we all kinda assumed that but with how he applied it to himself back during the Elf arc after his fight against that compass chick I wasn't completely sure. Perhaps that quick patch job across his stomach from where he got impaled wasn't too bad at the time, but I can see how having the magic all across his body like this would be much more harmful. I was about to question whether Acier has this drawback with her armor, but mercury is more toxic than steel, so there's that.

Between Nozel hurting himself by maintaining his silver guardian spell and these two withstanding whatever pains comes with being this close to Noelle charging up is madness. I admire the determination y'all have but can ya please be careful?? I want all of you to survive this fight thank you very much.

Something something guilt complex and redemption arc coming in full blast. Again, I'm glad they're finally accepting how horrible they've acted towards Noelle and wanna become better siblings, but please don't knock yourselves out with this!

Ah for fuck's sake, another one. Nozel, we forgave you ages ago, sweetie! Relax! You can't be a family if you're not around anymore!

Ah, yeah, I can't really blame Nebra. I know it doesn't seem like a totally serious reason for all the backlash she gave Noelle, but I can understand how being tormented by the very image of someone you cared for so deeply could make every day difficult if you had to see that person so often. Kinda like a haunted memory that never goes away.

Solid's reasoning is a bit easier to relate to I think. Seeing someone younger than you, or really anyone else, have the potential to do something you always thought possible of yourself really does plant some unnecessary jealousy into you. It makes you start thinking stuff like "well how come they're able to do that and I'm not?" "how did they accomplish that before me?" "why are they better than I am when I understand this certain thing more?" etc. I think it's a common mindset when you're in a creative headspace, whether it's about art, writing, editing or anything like that. Or even physically like with sports and stuff. You can't help but feel a bit bitter when you see others succeed, especially during competitions or in a society like the Clover kingdom where royal status and squad rankings are so highly praised.

If you listen closely you can hear me clapping loudly at their apology. It's more believable and heartfelt that they say it now after the events of last chapter and this one as they finally came to Noelle's aid rather than if they had said it on the fly or without stepping in to help during the fight.

Girl has a heart of gold to accept the apology so quickly and I'm completely fine with it too. It's all Noelle ever wanted really, to be accepted by her siblings and feel worthy of the name Silva.

Pfftt good god, this spell is massive. I also noticed from the previous panels to here that her sea dragon form disappeared.

Look at this man, tanking strong hits like this. I wish we got a bit more of the action between Nozel & Acier, but I get that the other sibling's apology was equally as important and deserved their own moment. Perhaps the anime can extend the fight between mother and eldest son.. if and whenever it returns. At least I hope so. Anyways, giant laser beam of water coming your way, mom!

Now Acier, out of all the spells to use, why would ya use a water bird in an attempt to stop this attack when you're more than capable of producing steel?? I think that was a mistake on your part, honey.

Ahh.. rest in pieces you magnificent queen. At least, I assume this is her end as her grimoir is crumbling. Although, sister Lily didn't disappear after she was defeated... but then again, she was very much alive when she became a paladin in contrast to Acier who was basically brought back from the dead. Sigh, I just ruined my own slim hopes of her being able to stay around after this battle.

Oh it was certainly a very long time coming, however many years old Noelle is by now in fact, but yes, the Silva siblings are finally acting like a true family and I'm so very proud. Damn, I can't wait to catch glimpses of them behaving normal around each other. I shall eagerly await every interaction between these four to see how much they've all grown. They're precious to me and when the day comes that this fight becomes animated, I will be highly emotional.

Haven't a clue on when the next chapter(s) will released but I'm perfectly fine with what we got this time around. Having no Black Bulls show up like I had originally wanted was actually real nice and I appreciate it since the Silvas got their own time to heal and improve themselves. All that aside, can we let my man Nozel rest, please? Dude looks like he's five seconds away from passing out.