#whether i could get hired again after 10 years away is a totally different question as well

[selfchiller]

People who work in the zoo & aquarium industry in the US--specifically husbandry staff--generally do it because it is their passion/their life dream. They are also largely (observationally - I'm not a statistician) white and from middle class backgrounds (and yes, I fit this profile--most of my colleagues were very much like me), although this probably varies by area (I mostly worked on the east coast and in the northeast). They typically have bachelor's degrees and familial or spousal support that allow them to work for free (unpaid internships) and for very low wages, and administration feels free to pay them very low wages because in a passion-driven and extremely competitive industry, they essentially have husbandry staff over a barrel. They know they love the work and are unlikely to leave, and they know that every vacancy has hundreds to thousands of applicants waiting to fill it.

Unpaid internships are standard--I can count on one hand the number of positions I've seen offering pay or even a stipend (usually positions that require you to live in a remote area for a period of weeks to months). Unpaid internships are supposed to be pretty strict on the rule that you are NOT supplemental staff and that the work you do should have equal or greater educational value to you as it does labor value to the institution, but unless you are at a very well funded and prestigious facility, it is unlikely that husbandry staff will have time to teach you much, and it is very likely you will end up doing the "bitch work"--stuff that doesn't require much training or supervision, and that they don't have time to do themselves. This is not typically malicious on the part of the husbandry staff, it's simply their only option.

You are not getting a job (at a reputable facility) without at LEAST one of these internships, and there's a solid likelihood that you will literally have to move to another state to get one. Once you have, you can look forward to absolutely insane competition for a very limited number of FT positions. I will note that I actively avoided positions involving big cats, primates, and elephants because at that level of competition it feels more like gambling than it does applying for a job.

Many zoos are run by their city governments, which complicates funding and staffing. I don't know much about this, so I can't elaborate much.

National Zoo in DC is an interesting wrinkle--as part of the Smithsonian it's run by the federal government. Since zookeepers are federal employees, in the event of a government shutdown, they work without pay until back pay is processed.

Personally, at the facility where I worked, I went 2 years without a COL raise and made less than $10 an hour plus benefits. The institution had finished a $2 million new building a month before I started. We got a 20 minute lunch break but often didn't take it. Eating a sandwich with one hand while cleaning an enclosure with the other was a common sight. We worked with animals that were fully capable of killing us and one of our managers nearly was killed while I worked there.

Disclaimers: this isn't a research paper, just bullshitting from my personal experience. I was in the industry for a little over 2 years, 10 years ago, so I don't have super up to date info (though I follow a few blogs for hot goss). I got sick and had to quit. I will say that my boss (the same guy who almost got killed) was incredibly kind and accommodating while I made the difficult decision to leave. My experience is with AZA facilities only, no AAZK or unaccredited institutions, and I have only worked in US zoos.

I miss the industry terribly, and sometimes when I'm having an emotionally difficult time with work, I'll give in to the urge to browse the AZA job board. You've probably noticed that I talk about it like the high school quarterback who can't let go. But even if I miraculously became able bodied tomorrow, I think I would have to put some serious thought into whether I actually would want to (or could afford to) go back.

[alpacaparkaseok]

The Other Side

Part One

Genre: KSJ Soulmate au

Warnings: none

Word Count: 8.7k

What is tachycardia?

Tachycardia: abnormally high heart rate

Causes: exercise, stress, anxiety, fear, anger, or love

Ventricular tachycardia: may be life threatening; please see: “soulmate”

Since I could begin to retain information around the age of four, I have been taught one thing over and over again.

Soulmates = mortal danger.

Granted, I wasn't the only one who was taught this. I wasn’t raised in some strange cult or taught that love was discouraged.

No, actually. It’s just a part of life.

Soulmates are commonplace, my own parents being an example of that. The world we live in is riddled with beautiful contradictions, one of the most prominent of all those lovely contradictions being the existence of soulmates.

There is no fancy system put into place, no timer or thread of fate that ties us together. There’s really no way of knowing who or when or where you’ll meet the person that is supposed to complete you and bring joy to your life.

I’m sure there’s some sort of way that fate decides when, seeing as the majority of people meet at a fairly young age. The number of soulmates that meet over the age of fifty are few; although it’s been known to happen a couple of times among senior citizens placed into nursing homes.

Soulmates are the sole reason that most children can pronounce the word “tachycardia” before they reach the age of seven.

Tachycardia typically isn’t fatal, it’s something people tend to experience quite often when the circumstances change. Out on a run? You’re probably experiencing tachycardia. Terrified that there’s a burglar in the house? Yep, tachycardia coming right up.

Have you just stumbled across your soulmate for the first time? Tachycardia in its most extreme form will hit you like a brick wall in just a second.

“Who can tell me what the first response you should have when you see that someone has made contact with their soulmate?”

A flurry of hands fly up to the sky, my own included. The steps are rushing around in my brain, just begging to be let out.

“Haneul?” I’m called on and fight a smile as I answer my instructor’s question.

“First, move one of them to a separate room. Place a door between them if possible, and then call 911 if there are no soulmate assistants available.”

My instructor nods, smiling warmly at me. “Exactly. Now can somebody go through the calming exercises step by step…”

Somebody nudges my side, and I turn to see my friend and fellow applicant, Yuri, smiling at me.

“You’re totally getting in,” she whispers to me.

I roll my eyes. “Just because I answered one question right?”

“He remembered your name...that definitely means something.”

Turning my attention back to the front before we’re caught whispering, I entertain the idea before kicking it out. It’s best to not think about it too much, I can’t look like I’m bored or not paying attention. This is too important a day to give a bad impression. The sigil on the instructor’s shirt only serves as a reminder.

The Bighit entertainment logo stands out like a beacon as the instructor moves about, calling up a couple of applicants to demonstrate how to properly restrain someone without hurting them.

His movements call attention to the yellow circle below the Bighit logo, the color that marks him as a ‘soulmate assistant’. Basically just a fancy word for someone who has to make sure if an idol accidentally meets a soulmate at a concert or any other event, nobody dies.

Everyone goes home happy. Alive, and newly bonded.

And if I get this job, that means I’ll go home happy and paid. That’s all I could ever want, isn’t it?

If we’re being completely honest, being hired on as a professional soulmate assistant for Bighit or any other big agency would be a dream come true for someone like me. I would get to travel, meet new people, all the while receiving a steady paycheck while attending concerts for free.

Sure, it’s a tough job. It requires constant vigilance; a single yawn at the wrong time could mean disaster. Which is part of the reason why my parents thought I was a bit crazy wanting to go into such a profession. They backed off a little once I showed them what kind of money I’d be in for, though.

All of it has led to this moment: going through one final walkthrough before we’re called in for individual interviews and eventually left to leave things up to fate. It’s a pretty big deal to have even made it this far. The actual interview process with the soulmate board of Bighit entertainment is rigorous, eventually leading to a one on one interview with one of the managers of either TXT or BTS.

Our group that started off with just over 200 applicants has been filed down to ten. Tensions are high, Yuri’s near constant fidgeting is a sure sign of that.

Ten remain, but only two will be hired on. One for BTS, and one for TXT.

Not gonna lie, I’m hoping I’m getting interviewed for TXT. I have a hunch that Yeonjun, Beomgyu and I would get along great.

Not that I’m picking favorites.

Our small overview comes to an end, the instructor getting to the part we’ve all been waiting for.

“If you’ll remain here for a few minutes, we’ll be pulling a few of you in for interviews. Remember, if you don’t get interviewed today that doesn’t necessarily mean anything. Don’t overthink it too much.”

The instructor leaves the room, and a collective sigh goes throughout our small group. Yuri is bouncing her knee, keeping her eyes planted on the wall in front of her. All I can do is wait, I suppose.

Life is cruel that way. It’s the same way with soulmates. All there is to do is wait. Live life as if you aren’t waiting for that one heartstopping (or rather, heartstarting), moment in which you come face to face with the person fate has decided will love you better than anyone else on earth.

It would be foolish of me to say that everyday for the past four years I haven’t entered my classes on campus or any restaurant holding my breath in hopes that today would be the day. College campuses are a kind of hotspot for soulmate activity; one of my trainings was actually spent just shadowing different classes and waiting for something to happen. It was my first hands-on training, and it only lasted a week.

In a single week I assisted in four different soulmate placings.

And that was in the middle of midterms; when the odds of meeting your soulmate are fairly low because stress levels are high. People are less likely to mingle with different groups of people, if they even bother to look up from their textbooks at all. So needless to say I was always waiting for it to happen.

Always waiting, never experiencing. It’s safe to say that after I graduated both my parents and I were a bit disappointed. While it’s not necessarily uncommon for people to reach college graduation age without a soulmate, it’s also an instant way to get everyone to pity you.

Sure, I wallowed for a while in self-pity. However, once I set my mind on pursuing a career in soulmate assisting within an idol group, I was an unstoppable force. And as for finding my soulmate? I used the possibility of working for Bighit as another way to make my parents feel better about their lack of a son-in-law.

If I get the job, I’ll be traveling the world. The chances of me meeting my soulmate would surely skyrocket.

“Choi Haneul?”

I jerk out of my stupor to see the instructor waving me over. Yuri gives me a light nudge, smiling at me encouragingly as I make my way over to the door with a pounding heart.

Fun fact: many people panic and think they’re experiencing what are referred to as “soulmate spikes” the second they start to feel a spike in their heart rate. 9.9/10 times they’re wrong. One way to tell if you really are experiencing soulmate spikes (the initial spike in heart rate upon seeing your soulmate) is if you’re also experiencing intense tunnel vision.

The instructor gives me a curt nod, refusing to give anything away. He simply escorts me down the hallway and into a room where someone is looking over some papers.

Sejin, manager of BTS.

Maybe he’ll pass me along to TXT if he thinks I’d vibe better with them? No, I think to myself. There’s no way I’m about to undermine myself.

“Choi Haneul?” Sejin asks me, a light smile on his face as he looks up at me. I nod, unsure of whether or not I should even say anything. “Please, take a seat.”

The instructor closes the door behind him as he leaves, and suddenly I’m alone with someone I never realized could be perceived as intimidating.

“It’s very nice to meet you, I’m Sejin.”

I nod, fighting a sarcastic chuckle. Does he actually think I don’t know who he is, or is he just being polite? “I’m Haneul, thank you for having me.”

Sejin smiles again, looking back down at his papers. “Of course. Now, this probably won’t be a very long interview. Your stats speak for themselves.” He waves the paper in the air, and I see my application form as well as my transcripts from college. “I do just have a few questions for you, if that’s alright?”

“Of course.” I put pressure on my legs, reminding myself to keep still.

“Wonderful. First off, how comfortable are you with constantly being in new environments and having to adapt to an idol’s schedule? It’s a rigorous one.”

Chewing on the inside of my cheek I process the question. “I wouldn’t say that I’m very comfortable at all.”

Sejin’s eyes grow wide, but he proceeds. “And why is that?”

“I wouldn’t want to grow comfortable with it. That would draw away my attention from my job, and my job pretty much depends upon me remaining alert at all times. Now, could I adapt to the schedule? Without a doubt.”

Sejin gives a small chuckle, leaning back against his seat. “Huh. Interesting.”

☆

“C’mon, we have to celebrate!” Yuri bounces up and down, practically glowing. “I can’t believe we both got interviewed!”

I smile along with her, still a little giddy. “Yeah, but don’t you think that’s a little premature? It was just an interview, after all. The really important part is if they call you after.”

“Whatever, don’t you want to celebrate with me? I never thought I’d make it past the first week.”

That I can definitely agree with. It’s a competitive field for sure, and the agency does its best to weed out the weak. For good reason, obviously. Nearly half of the applicants the first week in were fangirls hoping they would match up with one of the idols they might work with. And the other half? Those were the ones who quickly realized that they weren’t crazy enough to want a job that required excessive time and effort.

“Alright, where do you want to go?”

Yuri jumps in place making me laugh. Dragging me along behind her, we take the first taxi we can find. The streets of Seoul are filling up now that the evening is coming along. It’s a Friday night; everybody is going to be out and about, celebrating the end of another week.

When we make it to the little hole-in-the-wall restaurant that the two of us have frequented a little too much over the past few months, there’s a fairly large crowd mulling about. We squeeze into a booth after paying for our food, finally able to eat without feeling like I’m going to throw up from the stress.

“Wow, is it just me or does this taste even better now?” Yuri looks up at me with wide eyes and full mouth.

“Is it just me or do you look like a gopher right now?”

If it wasn’t for the piles of food between us I’m sure she would have smacked me. She settles for a quick kick to the shin instead. Hissing at her, she offers me a sweet smile.

“So what’s Sejin like? He’s always seemed like a sweet little teddy bear to me.” Yuri asks before shoving more food into her mouth.

I shrug, thinking back over my interview. The entire thing probably only lasted about 20 minutes, but I think it went well. “He’s nice. Professional, but he honestly wasn’t that grueling. He just said my stats pretty much did all the talking. I think he was just trying to see if I was crazy or not.”

Yuri snorts, nodding along. “Same. Do you think you passed the crazy test?”

“Too soon to tell.”

We delve back into our food, talking more about our interviews. Despite the huge unanswered question hanging between us, did we make it?, the stress from earlier has dissipated. There’s nothing left to do except wait. I feel satisfied with all the work I’ve put in; there’s not a lot more I could’ve done.

It’s the sound of someone’s phone ringing that has us pausing. We look at each other with wide eyes, but there’s no way they’ve already made their decision-

“It’s just my mom,” Yuri sighs out as she brings the phone to her ear. She chats with her mother for a few minutes, reassuring her that everything went well today. I mindlessly push my food around, the sound of Yuri’s ringtone put me on edge for a moment. They definitely won’t call tonight. We just finished!

“What did your mom say?” I ask once she hangs up. Yuri shrugs.

“Just wanted to know if I was interviewed. She said she’s rooting for the both of us, she seemed pretty relieved that we’re not going for the same position.”

That’s right. While I was pulled in for an interview with Sejin, Yuri was pulled in for an interview with TXT’s managers. As far as we’re concerned, we’re now contending for our spots as soulmate assistants to two different groups. And considering that each group is only looking for 1 assistant, it’s pretty competitive. The instructor did say there was a small chance of hiring two per group, just depending on their needs. One of those would only be a part-time assistant though. Definitely not the ideal position.

“Yeah, same here-”

Yuri’s phone lights up again, and this time there is no sigh of relief as she sees who’s calling.

Looking up at me with wide eyes, she looks like she might throw up all the food we just ate. “It’s the agency.”

Gasping aloud, I drop my chopsticks and wave at her to hurry. “Answer it! Quick!” Yuri gives me a terrified look before slowly bringing the phone up to her ear. I chew on my lip as I watch her expression change from terrified to startled.

“R-really? That’s great news!” Yuri bounces up and down in her seat, and I mirror her movement. “Of course! 9am? Sounds perfect...I’ll be there! Thank you so much!”

She drops her phone on the table as she pants. “...so?” I ask her, and she grins up at me.

“I got the job!”

We both scream a little louder than necessary, the people sitting in the both across from us glaring in our direction. “No way! That was so fast!”

She nods, running her hands through her hair. “I know! They just said the decision was easier to make than they expected, seeing as I have the most experience out of the people they interviewed. I’m supposed to head in tomorrow to go over the contract and get to work.”

There’s a little twist of uncertainty in the pit of my stomach as I realize that Yuri was hired within a matter of hours. What does that mean for me?

“That’s amazing, Yuri. I’m so proud of you.”

She shakes her head, unable to stop smiling. “I’ve got to call my mom, should we head out?” I nod, following her out of the restaurant. She’s practically skipping to a taxi, waving it over. I laugh at her behavior.

“I can’t believe it though. Make sure you tell Yeonjun that we’re meant to be best friends.”

Yuri slides into the taxi, and I follow after her. She fixes me with a dazed smile as she gives directions to her apartment. We live in the same complex, so it’s easy to go anywhere with her.

“I’ll be sure to tell him. Who knows, maybe the two of you are soulmates!” Yuri winks at me even as I cringe.

“No way, he’s way too young for me.”

Rolling her eyes, Yuri manages to get one more comment out before her mother answers the phone. “Whatever, you’re only like what? Three years older? Mom! Guess what!”

By the time we make it to our apartments Yuri is still gushing to her mom on the phone. My own parents texted me, I just responded and told them I was interviewed. Their obvious excitement over making the interview fails to buoy me up, though. Not when I’m becoming more and more convinced that I’m not going to be receiving a call tonight.

Perhaps I’ll wake up to a consolation email in the morning, thanking me for my time and sending me on my way.

Yuri invites me over to her apartment to continue in the celebrations, but I opt out of it. She frowns, about to apologize or something but I speak up before she can. I don’t want any apologies; not yet. That makes it seem like it’s really over.

“My parents are begging me to call them and you know how long they can talk for,” I say, backing away. “I’d better go call them now so I can still get to sleep at a decent time. Congrats again, Yuri. You deserve it. Let me know how everything goes tomorrow, ok?”

Yuri nods, still frowning. “You sure you don’t need anything?”

“Nope! I’m all good. Good night!”

I wave before turning and heading up the stairs. Yuri lives on the ground floor whereas I live on the third. It’s a small apartment complex, and it’s pretty quiet most of the time. Tonight though, people are celebrating the weekend, and the sounds delve into my ears until I have to screw my eyes shut and press my hands up to my ears.

Leaning against my door the second I close it behind me, I sigh. The thoughts are too loud in my head right now.

What started off as a hopeful day has effectively crashed and burned right before my eyes.

Peaking one eye open I glare at the big world map I have hanging up in my living room. To anyone else it’s just another lovely piece of artwork. Painted on a thin canvas with vibrant greens, blues and purples it draws the eye and fills people with wanderlust.  

For me it represents a dream that is becoming more and more unobtainable.

My best friend from my childhood found her soulmate five years ago. We were freshly graduated from high school, it was perfect. I thought that it was perfect, at least. They were able to finish growing up together, figuring out college and taking time to really fall in love before life became too crazy to hardly eat.

They got married two years ago. It was beautiful and they made it look so easy. They finished up college together and moved to Gwacheon. I haven’t seen her for a year now, we’ve just been naturally growing apart.

She’s always been supportive of me trying to find my soulmate. It’s odd, seeing that I’ve always been the one obsessed with learning about them and preparing for that moment and she’s the one that just happened to stumble upon her soulmate right after she turned 18. But she never made me feel like I was falling behind or at a loss.

Our last phone call reminds me of the entire reason why I bought that gigantic world map in the first place, hanging it where I would see it every time I walked in the door at the end of the day.

“You know Haneul, he’s out there. There’s no question about that.”

“I know...just, where? I’m starting to think that he doesn’t want to be found.”

“That’s not true. And if it is, I’ll personally slug him for you.”

“Thanks, I think?”

“You know what you need to do, Han?”

“I’m sure you’re about to tell me.”

“Of course I am. You just have to go out there! Get out in the world, get out of Seoul, and go live your life! The second you get out and start living your life will be when everything falls into place for you. I’m certain of it.”

“I’d love to do that, really. But how on earth do I manage that? I need a stable job, I have an apartment to pay for. I can’t just leave everything to go in search of someone I’ve never met and who maybe isn’t ready to be found.”

“It’s up to you. But I know you, and you’re not happy. I can’t imagine it, I’m not going to pretend to understand. We both know I got lucky...but really Haneul. I know it’s scary and there’s a lot that you don’t know the first thing about, but I just think that if you want to move on from this you have to leave the apartment and get out there. And you think he isn’t ready to be found? Nobody ever is. But I can guarantee that the two of you are both ready to be loved.”

It’s been nearly ten months since that phone call, and it’s been nearly ten months since I became friends with Yuri and found out about the agencies beginning their hiring process. It seemed too good to be true, especially once I found out about the heavy schedule filled with nearly nonstop travelling and meeting people.

I always knew there was a reason I went into the soulmates studies. Finally it seemed like the opportunities were appearing that I so desperately needed.

Ten months. Rigorous training and exhausting schedules that sometimes had me wondering if this really was the right path for me.

But every night, sometimes late enough to see the black sky begin to turn to a hazy gray with the promise of dawn approaching before I even had a chance to sleep, I stumbled home and saw that map.

Somewhere. Every night, I’d see it and chant the word to myself. Somewhere. You’re somewhere out there.

It’s worth it, isn’t it?

Slowly standing up from my position against the door, I glare at my phone as I take it from my pocket. No phone call.

Another glance at the map, the beautiful colors and lines mocking me as it tells me that while he may be somewhere, I am still here. And as long as I remain here, where my soulmate is will be a big question mark.

No phone call. No job. No soulmate.

Rubbing the back of my neck, I make my way to my bedroom. Now would probably be a great time to shower, but I’d much rather just lay here on my bed and stare up at the ceiling as I wallow in self-pity.

“Happy Friday night to me.”

☆

I think it’s on the third ring that I wake up from my slumber, still in my clothes from the day before. Groaning out a few incoherent words, I search my blanket for where my phone is ringing incessantly.

“Who…?”

Finally grasping my phone, I hold it up to my squinting eyes. My mouth drops open of its own accord, my heart rate spiking. Clearing my throat, I attempt to sound like I didn’t just wake up as I answer the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hello, I’m calling for Choi Haneul?”

My voice gets caught in my throat. “S-speaking.”

“Wonderful. My apologies for calling you so early, I’m manager Sejin, I interviewed you yesterday?”

Straightening out my clothes even though he can’t see them, I nearly scoff at the idea of him having to introduce himself. Like I’d forget.

“Right, no worries. How may I help you?” Slipping into the role of gracious host, I chew on my lip.

Sejin wastes no time getting to the point. “We certainly didn’t expect to come to a decision so quickly, but after reviewing the interviews and applicants, you were a standout Miss Choi. As a representative of Bighit entertainment and manager of BTS, I would like to offer you the position of central soulmate assistant. That is, if you’re still interested.”

I’m practically floating above the floor by the time Sejin finishes speaking. “I- yes! Yes, I would be honored.”

Sejin chuckles lowly. “That’s perfect. Let’s see it’s...6:30 am now? Would you be alright to head in to the company by 9 to go over your contract and meet with the senior soulmate assistant?”

He could have asked me to show up wearing nothing but a garbage bag at 3 in the morning, and I wouldn’t hesitate to say yes.

“Of course, I’ll be there!”

“I’ll send you an email with where to go and further instructions.”

“Thank you!”

Laughing again, Sejin allows me this bit of joy. “Thank you, Miss Choi. I’ll see you shortly.”

I’m nearly panting as I end the call, falling back against my bed and staring up at the ceiling with a mad grin. Then, body bursting with excitement I leap up from the bed and hurdle into the front room.

Hurtling to a stop before my map still hanging on the wall, I call my parents.

☆

“I wonder what it’s liiiiike,” I sing at the top of my lungs as I rummage through my closet for something to wear. Double checking the email from manager Sejin, I decide that it might be best to bring in some backup.

Bringing my phone up to my ear, I wait for Yuri to answer the phone. It’s barely seven in the morning, chances are she’s just getting ready as well.

“Haneul?”

The grin that’s been a permanent resident on my face for the past thirty minutes grows wider. “Yuri! I was wondering, could I carpool with you to the agency?”

It’s silent on the other side while Yuri connects the dots. “What do you mean...wait, shut up! You got it?! You got the job?!”

Yuri screams louder than I did while I was on the phone with my parents, but now I can’t help but scream right back. “YES! I got it! They just called me this morning!”

We’re both a happy mess as Yuri decides to bring her things upstairs to get ready with me. “I already picked out my outfit last night, I’ll just bring it up. Be right there!!” She really doesn’t waste any time, because less than two minutes later I open the door to find a panting Yuri nearly buried beneath her pile of clothes and makeup bags.

“Here, let me take that,” I mutter, laughing as she lets me ease some items of clothing off of her pile. “That was fast.”

“Han!!! I’m so happy for you!” As soon as we dump her stuff on my bed, Yuri pounces on me and begins trying to strangle me like a boa constrictor. “I was so nervous for you, and I didn’t want this to drive us apart. I knew for a fact that you were by far the most qualified, they would’ve been complete idiots to let you go!”

Laughing, I drag the both of us over to the closet. “What are you wearing to this, then? What does ‘casual-nice’ even look like?”

Yuri takes the opportunity to show me her outfit, my jaw dropping as she puts it on and shows it off.

“I was thinking something like this,” Yuri says as she straightens out the sleeves of the sweater she wears beneath the checkered brown dress.

My mouth drops open of its own accord. “Wow.”

Yuri frowns as she goes to look at herself in the mirror. “Is it too much?”

“No,” I shake my head as I delve into my thoughts. “I’m just thinking that you’re going to make everyone in there wish you were their soulmate.”

Cheeks turning a furious red color, Yuri waves off my comment. “Whatever. Let’s find you something to wear.”

In the end I try on four different outfits before settling on one that I think will do the job. It’s certainly more simple than Yuri’s but I find that it’s more functional.

“So pretty,” Yuri coos as she gets ready beside me, the vanity proving to have just enough space for the two of us.

“Me or you?” I question, smirking at her. Yuri grins.

“Both.”

☆

Yuri ends up driving us to the agency, much to my eternal gratitude. Once the time came closer, I began to become more and more nervous. It’s been a long time since I’ve started a new job; I’ve been working at the university for the past four years and only quit about a month ago in order to make room for the rigorous training that was a result of making it to the final round of applicants.

I’m grateful for Yuri’s company as she chatters about how excited she is, it’s keeping my mind off of the nerves that are currently tying themselves into a knot in the pit of my stomach.

“I just really think that the boys seem really genuine, you know?” She says, tapping out the beat to the song playing on the radio on the steering wheel. “From everything that I’ve seen and heard about them, they seem really cool. I’m excited to meet them.”

Shaking my head numbly as we slow to a stop before a red light, I try to remember just how badly I wanted this job. “Yeah, they do. I’m jealous, I wanted TXT!”

Yuri cackles as she glances over at me. “You can’t even complain, you’re probably going to be paid way more than me!”

That much is true. While Yuri will still be traveling a lot and certainly have her hands full with the five members, I’m going to be paid more. With the constant traveling, meetings, and seven total members, my job will be nonstop.

Either way, the moral of the story is this: we’re about to make some major money. But there won’t really ever be enough time to spend it.

That’s not why people become soulmate assistants. Those that go after it for the money are quickly weeded out. A job that requires all of your time and then some is exhausting, and the uncertain element of every situation is enough to drive some people crazy. I’ve heard about how concerts can be nightmares sometimes, especially when the crowd is huge.

Just imagine it: one of the group members makes eye contact with someone for less than a second, and suddenly they’ve got tunnel vision and are trying to jump off the stage into the sea of adoring fans that are all too happy to receive them. Then, somewhere in the crowd of thousands of fans, there’s a poor person who’s freaking out and feeling the symptoms of tachycardia, but guess what? So is everyone in the crowd. Adrenaline is pumping through them all since they’re at their favorite band’s concert.

Long story short, it’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack. The biggest thing is for one of the soulmate assistants to grab the idol before they can abandon all reason and their heart gives out, and the other assistant has to find the fan who’s wildest dream just came true.

It doesn’t happen that often, but it has been known to happen on occasion. The most recent was at a TWICE concert, where Sana happened upon her soulmate in the middle of a set. The video of the soulmate assistant acting in record time to contain the situation went viral and it’s one that I had to watch several times throughout my training.

“You guys have a senior assistant, don’t you?” I ask, wondering at my title as central soulmate assistant.

“Yep,” Yuri starts back up again as the light turns green, checking the clock. We’ve still got plenty of time. “From the email they sent me it sounds like I’ll be a junior assistant for about six months before moving up to senior.”

“So fast?”

Yuri shrugs. “Sounds like the senior assistant is about ready to retire. What’s your title?”

“Central.”

“Oh, so fancy.”

There are typically two different forms of soulmate assistant hierarchy; the junior/senior pattern and then the central system.

Junior/senior system is pretty self-explanatory: the senior assistant has typically worked with the group for a while already, and the junior assistant acts as an apprentice of sorts. Learning the trade and preparing to someday take over the responsibilities of the senior assistant. They work as a team to ensure the safety of the group.

A central assistant is a more in-depth and new system. Essentially, I’ll have eyes and ears everywhere from various staff members, who are constantly updating me on potential soulmates. All of the staff have been educated in the basics of soulmate studies, so they know what to do to subdue the situation if need be.

According to Sejin’s email, I will most likely be the only licensed soulmate assistant on the team. My job is to remain close to the members so I can hopefully be the first on the scene to help and get everything under way.

It’s exciting, but also a lot of pressure. My only hope is that the boys don’t run into their soulmates for a while; I would like to at least get to know everyone before having to get all up in their personal space.

The agency looms before us in the morning sun, looking somehow inviting and dreadful at the same time. Yuri follows what the security tells her at the front, parking in the parking garage before turning the car off.

8:42.

“We’re a bit early, but at least now we’ll be able to find where we’re supposed to go.”

I nod numbly at her words, trying to fight the pounding in my heart. 

Side Effect #1: Rapid Pulse Rate

“I’m kind of freaking out.”

“Me too. I’m glad you’re here, though.”

“I’m glad you’re here, too.” I grin at Yuri.

It’s quiet in the car before we build up the courage to get out. Our shoes tap against the ground, filling the silent garage with noise. Once inside, we’re directed by a receptionist toward the offices of Sejin and TXT’s management. They’re on the same floor, so we take the elevator together.

As soon as the doors close, Yuri lets out a squeal. “I’m going to dieeee!”

Laughing giddily at her reaction, I lean up against the wall of the elevator and try my best to control my breathing. “Same. Same. Whoo, I need to breathe.”

Side Effect #2: Shortness of breath

The elevator ride is entirely too short, because before I know it Yuri is dragging me out into the hallway and searching for the office #12. I’m supposed to be looking for #17.

Of course Yuri finds hers first, my friend coming to a stop just before the door, turning to grab my hand with surprising strength.

“Quick, tell me that I’ll be fine,” she hisses.

Gently removing her hand from mine, I give her an encouraging smile. “You’ll do great, and everything will work out just fine, Yuri.”

Rolling her shoulders, she gives me a mock salute before stepping up to the door. “See you later?”

“Good luck.”

I scamper past as she knocks on the door, looking back as she’s ushered in by a middle-aged man who must be the senior soulmate assistant. He wears the tell-tale yellow circle on his shirt, his eyes wide and alert as though always on the lookout.

He must have left an apprentice with TXT; there are always a few mulling about the agency to step in for the main assistants when they need to attend to other things.

#17 is just a few doors down, the door already wide open as I walk up to it. I don’t allow myself to pause and freak out again, because I’m scared that they’ll hear me start screaming out here or something.

Shoving down the nervousness to the corners of my mind, I take a deep breath and tap the open door lightly.

Sejin sits at his desk, talking quietly to someone sitting in the chair before his desk. He looks up at me, smiling politely. The person in the chair before him turns around at the sound of my knock, and I find myself face to face with none other than the leader of BTS.

“Miss Choi, great to see you,” Sejin stands, Namjoon as well as he waves.

I bow, hoping that my face isn’t too red as I look into the office. It looks like it’s just Namjoon. What a relief.

“Thank you for calling me back,” I say, nodding to Namjoon. “It’s nice to meet you.”

Namjoon smiles at me, gesturing for me to take the seat beside him. “It’s nice to meet you, too. Sejin spoke highly of you.”

Shuffling into the office, I give Sejin a surprised look. “That was kind of you.”

“I was only telling the truth. Namjoon helped me make the decision in regards to the position, so don’t just thank me.”

Namjoon gives me a sheepish smile before settling back down in the chair. I follow suit, mumbling out a small ‘thank you’.

Once we’re all settled, Sejin produces a packet and slides it across the table to me, another one to Namjoon, and keeps one for himself.

“Ok, shall we get started?”

Sejin begins explaining the contract, Namjoon listening intently beside me. The fact that Namjoon helped with all of this makes me feel a little better somehow. It makes me feel like I won’t be quite so out of place with BTS.

We’re stuck in his office for nearly an hour just going over the finer details of the job, and by that time I’ve finally come out of my shell enough to form a few intelligent questions.

“How many staff members do you have that went through soulmate training within the past three months?” I ask, leaning back in my chair as I examine the Staff Preparedness section in the contract.

Sejin looks over something on his computer. “Within the past three months? Only two; the rest are within the year. We have them renew the course once a year. Why three months?”

“There was a technique that was completely discredited by Léo Dupont and they just began applying it in soulmate training within the past three months. While it may not seem that important, it can sometimes make a big difference in timing.”

Namjoon looks at me with wide eyes, a hint of respect blooming there. “What was the technique he discredited?”

“The glass door technique. It was believed that if the soulmates could still see each other but refrain from actual physical contact, this would assist in the ‘come down’ from the surge in heart rate.”

“It doesn’t?” Sejin asks.

I shake my head. “No, in fact, recent studies show that it nearly doubled the ‘come down’ time. It also served as a spike in the heart rate, long after it should have returned to a normal range. It nearly killed Jennifer Aniston before someone moved her to a more secure location. Best case scenario is a complete cut-off from view, and engaging in verbal contact rather than physical.”

“That’s good to know,” Sejin mumbles, typing something out on his laptop. “I’ll send out a memo with that information as well as advise staff to renew their training as soon as possible.”

We go over a few more details before Namjoon sits up in his seat. “We’re about done, right? I just got a text from Soobin saying they’re all gathered up and ready to go.”

My heart rate spikes again as I realize that we must be meeting together after this. And from the sounds of it, it’s practically the entire agency.

“Yeah, just about. Do you want to sign, Namjoon, and you can head out?”

Namjoon signs Sejin’s copy of the contract before getting up and heading toward the door. “We’re excited to have you join the team, Miss Choi.”

“Thank you! And you can just call me Haneul, don’t worry about it.”

Namjoon’s dimples make an appearance as he smiles back at me. “Then I’m just Namjoon to you. See you guys in a bit.”

Sejin covers the last few points in the span of ten or so minutes, clearly ready to get going like I am. We finish up going over vacation days when he leans back with a sigh.

“And yeah, I think that’s about it. Any questions? Today you’ll be getting a feel for the schedule and meet the boys and staff you’ll be working closely with, so don’t hesitate to ask them any more questions as they come.”

Palms starting to sweat with the idea of meeting the rest of Bighit shortly, I give a curt shake of the head. “I think I’m good for now.” Ignoring the tightness in my chest, I reach out for the contract.

Side Effect #3: Chest pain

“Wonderful. Just sign here, and I’ll send you a copy of this.”

☆

Sejin and I walk down the hall after being dropped off at the fifth floor. The second the elevator doors opened I could hear the ruckus of two kpop groups in one room.

To my shock Yuri’s voice rings out, followed by a bout of laughter. It would appear that she’s already found her place.

Sejin gives me an encouraging smile as we inch closer to the room at the end of the hall. “You ready? It’s been a pretty big couple of days for you.”

I can’t help but find comfort in Sejin’s attitude. I’m glad he understands the deer in the headlights look I’m probably sporting right now.

I hope my soulmate is like him.

The thought passes through my mind suddenly, making me go blank for a moment. While it’s a true sentiment, I have to focus on making a good impression today so I can find my soulmate another day.

One day at a time, Hanuel.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” I respond, offering him a shaky smile in return. Sejin chuckles, and I wonder if he felt the same way early on in his manager days. I wonder if he still occasionally feels that way, now that BTS has grown more than anyone ever expected.

He goes before me, entering the room and already falling into a conversation with someone. I hesitate for a second, my heart pounding so hard that it’s hard to focus. Rolling my neck, I take a step into the room.

“Ah, there she is!” Yuri chirps out, leaving from where she was beside Beomgyu, who was showing her a video on his phone. “You guys took a long time.”

If my heart wasn’t currently trying to leap out of my ribcage, I would come up with something funny to say.

“Haneul is very thorough,” Sejin comments from where he stands beside one of the TXT managers. “Would you like to introduce yourself?”

“Quick,” I hear someone speak up, “Everyone pretend like Sejin didn’t just say her name!”

It was Hueningkai that made the comment. I can tell who it was because the boy in question is currently dodging an elbow to the ribs from Taehyun. Yuri laughs at their behavior before looking back to me expectantly.

“Oh,” my voice sounds a bit croaky. After clearing my throat, I try again. “Hello everyone. I’m Choi Haneul, it’s nice to meet you all.”

The seven members of BTS come up to the front, gathering in a line like it’s second nature. Namjoon gives me a small smile, which I take comfort in.

“Well, you’ve met me already...this is everyone else.”

Taehyung steps forward, giving me a small wave and grinning wide. “Just call me Tae.”

Jimin gives his friend a wide-eyed look. “Isn’t that a bit informal for just meeting?” Tae’s cheeks go a little red.

“Is it?” He asks, and I nearly pass out from the amount of sweetness in the room. “I think we’ll be good friends, so why not just skip the formalities?”

The boys reflect various levels of long-suffering as Jungkook shakes his head while the rest of the room laughs at Tae’s odd manner. “We both know it doesn’t work like that.”

Sejin answers the question I didn’t even know I was thinking. “In case you’re wondering, they’re always like this. Might as well get used to it.”

Yuri giggles at my reddened cheeks, but I brush off the embarrassment enough to look back at the boys. “That’s good to know.” The boys break from their line in order to return to wherever they were lounging about earlier. Once they turn to leave I feel a bit better; my heart calming down. Hopefully, with time, I’ll be able to breathe properly around them.

I remain near the door, unsure as to what to do next. It looks like Sejin and the other managers are preparing to give a debriefing of sorts and everyone is just waiting around for it. Thankfully, Yuri remains beside me.

“How are you holding up?” She asks me quietly. I give her a long look, conveying the depth of my feelings perfectly.

“I can’t calm down. I feel like I’m either going to pass out or going to run the length of Seoul in five minutes flat.”

Side Effect #4: Lightheadedness and/or fainting (syncope) 

Yuri snorts. “Now that I’d like to see.”

Taehyung calls out to me, pulling me from my conversation. “You’re from Seoul, Miss Choi?”

I smile warmly at him, already taking a liking to him. He’s one big contradiction: his looks make him appear intimidating, but he has the warmest personality.

“I’m originally from Anyang, actually. But I’ve been in Seoul for the past five years.”

“Oh, we’re neighbors!”

Jin is the one who spoke, and I look to where he stands behind the couch, leaning down to watch something on Jungkook’s phone. His eyes are turned up to me, a hint of excitement at being from neighboring cities evident in his expression.

Less than a second is all it takes.

In the second grade, I learned that within the span of a single second, a bumblebee can beat its wings 200 times.

That fact fascinated my young brain; 200 times in a single second?! Of all the wonders in the world I had discovered and had yet to discover in my life, this was the fact that stayed with me. How could such a small creature accomplish such an improbable feat, all within the confines of the time it takes to blink?

My junior year of high school I learned that the average pair of soulmates begin to experience the initial spike in heart rate that leads to tachycardia within the first 0.002 seconds of eye contact. That means, even if it’s a passing glance, the moment those two sets of eyes make contact, everything is about to change.

As I hold eye contact with Jin across the room, I believe that there is a small part of me that knows I should be thinking about everything I’ve learned about soulmates over the past few years. Where are the steps I used to recite day and night in order to keep them memorized?

Yet, that little 8 year old girl with wonder-filled eyes as she learns about bumblebee’s amazing abilities is the only thing I can come up with. Almost as if she’s in the room with me, looking back and forth between Jin and I with that same expression.

Something clicks for me in that single moment as my heart rate continues to jolt and jump. Something seems to connect between bumblebees and soulmates.

Like a bumblebee’s wings frantically beating to keep itself aloft, my own heart begins to do its best to meet the same pace.

Side Effect #5: Heart palpitations (a racing, uncomfortable or irregular heartbeat or a sensation of "flopping" in the chest)

I’m barely aware of distant voices all around me, a few growing in volume as the truth sinks in. I feel arms trapping my own against my torso, and I gasp for air as breathing becomes more difficult. Frowning, I realize that someone is trying to move me away.

Away?

Jin seems to notice I’m being moved away at the same time I do, because the frozen posture he had is broken as he straightens and lurches forward.

He’s all I can see. It strikes me in that moment that he looks a bit different in real life. Sharper, yet somehow more welcoming. Those eyes, although frantic, have kindness imbued in them. The fingers that are outstretched toward me are a bit crooked, and I can’t help but wonder for a moment if our hands will fit together like everyone always says soulmates do.

Wait, soulmates?

Amidst the pounding in my chest and burning lungs, I suddenly have a moment of clarity. The wiry arms wrapped around my torso must belong to Yuri, and she’s speaking calmly into my ear.

“Count with me, Haneul. 1, 2, 3…”

Opening my mouth and marveling at how dry and scratchy my throat feels, I croak out, “...4…5…”

“What comes next, Han?”

“...6.”

Yuri hums, gently trying to ease me backward. When my body locks up, she tries a new method. Coming around to face me, she keeps a firm grip on my shoulders, and gets up on her tippy toes to look me in the eyes.

“We’ve got to move you to a separate room, Han. You remember, don’t you?”

There’s a small voice in my head that wants to tell her that yes, I do remember. However it’s drowned out by the sound of my heart beating in my ears as it continues to pick up speed. Yuri is instructing the boys to grab Jin as he continues marching toward me on shaky legs. He’s only about three feet away, arms extending toward me while Yuri pins my arms down and shoves.

“Grab him!” Yuri shouts even as I cry out from being shoved away. In a flash I see a couple of different pairs of arms reaching out to Jin, effectively stopping him in his tracks as he struggles against them.

“Please,” Jin says in a surprisingly calm voice even as he pushes against Jungkook and Sejin. “Please, just let me-”

“Han, I know your mind is a jumbled mess right now, but please. Remember that this is a matter of life or death. You want to see him?” Yuri doesn’t wait for my response, which makes sense as I haven’t once looked away from Jin. “Then get out of here. Now.”

Like an electric shock to my senses, I breathe in deep. Still unable to look anywhere other than Jin - his sweater has a loose thread on the collar, I should fix that for him - I do the only thing I can.

Closing my eyes is like swimming through concrete, but gritting my teeth I just manage to do it. The second I break contact with Jin, my body relaxes just enough for Yuri to push against me and shove my unwilling feet out the door.

She has a firm grip on the back of my shoulders still as she shouts out to nobody in particular, “I need a room!”

Someone must answer her, because we abruptly change directions before coming to a stop. I refuse to open my eyes for fear of falling back into the imobile state I was in before, and Yuri still hasn’t given me the clear.

“Yeonjun, grab my bag! Bring it to me.”

The sounds of everyone scampering around are drowned out as I hear Jin’s broken voice calling out once more.

“No, don’t take her. Please don’t take her from me.”

Like a dam of freezing water breaking over my head, my eyes open and I spin around, seeing Jin breaking free of Sejin’s grasp and dragging Jungkook along with him.

Just as my eyes find his once more, the door slams shut.

Part 2

masterlist

taglist: @taylorroe3​ @dreamcatcherjiah​ @thecaffeinatedscribbles​ @marianeamine 

[hoidn]

Writer Tag Game

@anghraine was kind enough to tag me for this.

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 110. they're not all fic, though.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 386,718. again, it's not all fic, so let's call it an even 385K for the fic portion.

3. What are you top 5 fics by kudos?

A Wild and Distant Shore Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth/Darcy

Hearing Light Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth/Darcy

to suppose the truth of it possible Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth/Darcy

Drowning in the Absolute Yes Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth/Darcy

if you came this way Star Trek: Voyager, Janeway/Chakotay

4. Do you respond to comments; why or why not? for the sake of my mental health, i would prefer not to answer at this time. (i’m not being sarcastic. this is actually very difficult for me to talk about.)

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? probably Periapsis. Callisto’s just been raped by Zeus. we all know what happens next.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? i really don't know how to answer this. most of my fics have, at the very least, hopeful endings, and i think a lot depends on the context. for example, Elizabeth and Darcy are happy in both A Wild and Distant Shore and Hearing Light, but one is the happiness of a newly married couple still learning the joys of sexual intimacy with each other, whereas the other is the happiness of a newly engaged couple still in the first tremulous throes of requited love and attraction. how do you quantify which state is happier? to use a different sort of example, Harvest ends happily for Griet because she’s achieved a kind of freedom she never imagined, but i don't know how to compare that to, say, Mulder’s happiness at still being with Scully after so many years in and the world keeps beginning. there are different kinds of happiness is what i'm saying, and i don’t know how to judge the relative values.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest most absurd one you’ve ever written? how about we don’t use the word ‘crazy’ here? i’ve written a few crossovers, though i'm not a big fan of them. (as opposed to fusions, which i absolutely adore.) for most absurd, considering that Pride and Prejudice and Star Trek: The Next Generation are two of the unlikeliest canons to combine, Lydia, still has been a surprisingly well-received fic.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic? if i have, it wasn't particularly memorable. i suppose it depends on how one defines 'hate' in this context. i know i've had comments from people who have not been happy with some aspect of a fic, or with me generally, but nothing i'd actually term hate. (truthfully? i'm kind of disappointed.)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? there are kinds? i wasn't aware of this and i don't know what the categories are. amusing fact (at least to me): my most popular fic by kudos happens to be the first piece of smut i ever wrote. since then i've written a lot more, for a variety of f/f and f/m pairings, including various kinks, dub-con, non-con, and even alpha/omega (heavens to betsy!); however, my writing preference is people who love each other (even if they don't know/won't admit it), and those pairings make up the bulk of my smut fic.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen? just the once, to my knowledge, and it was an extremely disappointing experience. a few years ago if you came this way was repackaged into a fic called Hired for Love by someone named cress26. and when i say it was disappointing, i mean... like, okay, i know i'm a solid writer. (that sentence notwithstanding.) obviously i'm no anne carson or a.s. byatt, but i'd give myself a solid B average for overall quality. so i guess i figured that if someone was going to steal my stuff, it would be because of that. but, no. instead of merely suffering the insult of being plagiarised, i was forced to also suffer the much, much worse indignity of having a story that is absolutely freakin' beautiful in places -- and i do say so myself -- taken apart and put back together like frankenstein's monster. seriously, even now, i am still so much more offended by how dreadful they made the fic than by the actual plagiarism. a copy and paste job i could understand! that fic is good, damn it! that is some A-grade shit right there. but how can anyone have so little respect for writing, or for language, just in general that they’d take something and then ruin it to claim it as theirs? ugh, it’s so dreadful. 

...wanna see? ;D most of it is still available on the wayback machine.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4

11. Have you ever had a fic translated? i feel like maybe someone did once ask me if they could? but i have no confidence that that actually happened, so i don’t know. anyway, i’ve got a blanket permission statement in my profile, so it’s possible that someone has translated something and i’m just not aware of it. or i was aware and i forgot. these are all possibilities. i’m a very unreliable narrator.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before? no. it's something i've long been interested in trying, and there have been a couple of people i've wanted to try it with, but i can only imagine i'd be a nightmare for someone else to work with, so i've never broached the topic.

13. What’s your all-time favourite ship? once upon a time i would've said Mulder/Scully but i'm sad to admit that's no longer the case. while Elizabeth/Darcy is now my most enduring ship, i really can't say it's my all-time favourite (though it's in the top 5, certainly). i think, at this point, given the word count devoted to them, and the number of hours i've spent thinking, writing, and making gifs of them, it's going to have to be Walt/Vic. our relationship is only six years old, but those six years represent an output that exceeds all the years of all my other ships combined.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? yeah, see, there's a reason why i don't post real WIPs. (with one current exception that i’m still actively working on). actually there are more than a hundred reasons, scattered across a variety of documents on my hard drive. i doubt i'll finish any of them, but this way no one’s disappointed except me, and i was disappointed to begin with.

15. What are your writing strengths? i'm able to compose grammatically correct sentences and i actually know what words mean. oh, sorry, was that overly sardonic? let me try again. sex and feelings. those are my strengths. i’m good at writing sex and i’m good at writing feelings and when you put those two things together you have most of my fic.

16. What are your writing weaknesses? getting bogged down in details or overly convoluted metaphors, anything resembling plot, actually writing things. (see above re: over a hundred WIPs.)

17. What are you thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? i'm pretty sure i've never had any thoughts on the topic. nobody told me there was a prerequisite for this meme!

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for? The X Files. the year was 2006 and i was 29. that's right, kids. i was late to the fandom party. also i am middle agéd. run away! run away!

19. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written? i don't have one. i feel affectionately towards some for different reasons; there are some i don't like at all; a few i'm particularly proud of, whether or not i actually like them. basically, my feelings about my own writing are very complicated. i will say that i think Darlin', everything's on fire is one of the best things i've ever written. even there some bits make me wince when i read it, though. (and now the song is stuck in my head again. damn it.)

▪︎

i will tag @sarking, @sqbr, @wendelah, and @ziparumpazoo if they feel like it, because they’re the only ones i can think of right now, but any other fic writers who want to participate, please consider yourself tagged. below you’ll find the list of questions (with my edit) for your convenience:

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 3. What are you top 5 fics by kudos? 4. Do you respond to comments; why or why not? 5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? 6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? 7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest most ridiculous one you’ve ever written? 8. Have you ever received hate on a fic? 9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? 10. Have you ever had a fic stolen? 11. Have you ever had a fic translated? 12. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 13. What’s your all-time favourite ship? 14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? 15. What are your writing strengths? 16. What are your writing weaknesses? 17. What are you thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? 18. What was the first fandom you wrote for? 19. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

19. What They Deserve

5336 Words, No triggers detected.

Previous

People loved to hear about the trials and tribulations of others. That was the core of half of the entertainment sites. Grace didn’t like to put her hurt on display, but she did want to reintroduce herself, or rather, debut the new Grace to the world and she realized that would entail people bringing up her past and/or intruding on her private life. 

For instance, people would ask her how her relationship with her parents is…

Grace’s first day out, her mother was in the car whenever she got in. They were driven, in silence back to the estate, where guards were posted for the occasion, in case someone noticed or tried to get in, as they sometimes did. Her room was still the same, but there was someone there to help her pack up her essentials and her pleasures. She was going to be moved to a secure location that people didn’t know about, because her parents didn’t want the family house to be any more of a sideshow that it had been following her institutionalization. 

Her mother still had not said anything to her and it took hours for her to go through her personals and decide what she couldn’t live without and see the things that she could live without go into a donations box or a trash bin. “Where are all of my pictures of me and Simon?” she asked, when she opened the designated box for those.

“Surely, you’re joking,” was the first thing her mother said. She tossed the box into the donations. Her father didn’t even show up during this time frame. By the time she was moved into her new home, she had only gotten one word from her mother and none from her father. So, whenever someone asked about them, she would say, “How is everybody’s relationship with their parents? It’s personal. It’s a relationship between one and one or two more people, and their dynamic and their emotions are fluid. The three of us have very different wavelengths and concerns, so my relationship with them is something between me and them and then, my relationship with you all is what’s between me and you.” She’d laugh a little, but after a few times, people got the message. 

People would ask her about her mental health - if she was better, what happened in the first place, does she think it could happen again, etc.

Hazel wound up in another facility after a few months with her new foster family (mere weeks before Grace was released). The charm bracelet was sent back to her and for several days, she didn’t know what that meant for Hazel. If she was okay, if she was hurt or worse. They had only told her that they thought that she should have it back, then failed to communicate anything else about Hazel, for legal purposes. Grace was in shambles, until FINALLY she was told that Hazel was fine, but she had a relapse and was “in turtle form” for several days, making them have to take her to a doctor and seeing her file, they committed her for 72 hours. She was fine and heading back home. 

When Grace got out and looked her up, she was no longer at the same home. She had been redirected elsewhere… They couldn’t give Grace that information at the time. She thought she would lose her mind trying to contact someone who would be willing to help her out with this information, but most of them informed her that such information was secure for the safety of the child, and she understood it and couldn’t argue with it or convince them that she was more concerned for the safety of this child than anyone. It remained at the forefront of her thoughts. 

“I went somewhere to get help. I got help. A lot of people just get bounced around in life and never truly get the help that they need or deserve. I’ve been very fortunate, so I try to focus on that. Some days, I succeed. Some days, I do not succeed. I feel good today.”

They would ask her about new music, what beauty products she used now that she was no longer associated with her old brands, and if she would be dancing again. All things that she still wasn’t completely certain of yet, but lighthearted enough that she didn’t get too stressed out about that line of questioning.

The questions that brought her the most visible displeasure and clear distress were the ones about Simon. What about your relationship with Simon Laurent? Nobody has heard your side of the story. Have you seen or talked to Simon? Are things well between you? Has he forgiven you?…

“I don’t speak about Simon. The most that I can tell you is that I hope he has what he needs and gets everything that he deserves.” They might try to make jokes to prod about what she thinks he deserves, but she generally redirected the conversation. “He deserves what he deserves, and that’s what I hope he gets.” She would smile and nod, but her eyes would be sad. Eventually, people stopped asking her about him. She began posting dance videos, remixes, and songs again. This time, being confident in herself and away from her parents. It was no longer an escape from her life, because her life was lonely, but she was happy with it. There was freedom in her world that she hadn’t imagined in the past. She had more followers than ever before. Some people still called her Apex, but she never put that into any of her bios or captions, herself. 

She had a routine that worked for her wellbeing, from the time that she spent in the center, and she still had very regular sessions with her therapist, not to mention a medication regimen that assisted in her wellness. 

Anyone who wanted to contact her did so through someone else who would be the go-between, just in case. She moved out of the house that her parents placed her in and found something more suitable for her style, and closer to Julliard, because she still wanted to try to go, if she could make it in. In the meantime, she enjoyed the music scene in New York, branched out to finding new artists that she hadn’t heard of, made a few new friends in the industry, got hired for music videos and song demos. Some days, she expected to wake up and discover that her life had all been a dream. She would wonder if she actually did spend over a year in a mental facility, if she had gotten into some trouble with Simon, if she ever actually had met Simon… He seemed so far away, so long ago and so unfamiliar sometimes. But, whenever he did come back to her, he came flooding back.

Like if somebody casually asked, “You got kids?” and she remembered that while the answer was no, she had gotten pregnant at 16 and was so stressed out, that she hadn’t noticed for several weeks that her body was behaving differently, and that she spent several more trying to figure out what she would say, what she would do, how she would handle this. “No, no kids. But, I did have to make a decision to terminate a pregnancy when I was younger.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. There’s a stigma about it, but it was something that was best for me and I don’t harbor anger or disgust with myself about it.” Then, she could remember Simon’s eyes, his hands, other parts of him, the way that he held her, the things he had said to her. She would have to try not to cry and if she did, be totally honest, “Sorry. I haven’t really thought about the guy in a while, and I’m just in my feelings, Don’t mind me.” She didn’t like to lie, if she could help it. She tried to be as honest as she could these days, without saying too much. But, she had a pretty good crew in NY. They always were understanding and if someone said something, they’d gather them up pretty quickly. Her therapist told her that friends do things like that. It made her feel bad. She thought that friends shared everything, and since she was still very closed off to these people, she didn’t really consider them to be friends of hers, just associates that she really liked.

“That can be considered friendship, too. You don’t have to tell every friend that you have your life story and every person who you share mutual connection and kindness with isn’t going to be your lifetime bestie. Just enjoy the company of people who make you feel good and let the people who you make feel good enjoy your company.” That’s what she did. 

She got into Julliard when she was 20 and she was pretty known in the music scene by the time she was 21. Grateful that she had been able to finish high school in the institution and happy that she hadn’t gotten so comfortable that she was afraid to get better and leave there. Because, she was living a life that she had always wanted, and whether or not she deserved to, she told herself that she did and she was sure to enjoy it. 

.

That bitch was trying to ruin him! Simon could hardly catch his breath as he paced outside of the hearing for his academic integrity. She’s just mad that you’ve done BETTER than she has, with her work!

It was one thing when she was taking her bitterness out on you, telling you that your weapon failed to meet the requirements of the assignment, even though it was theoretically FLAWLESS. The CIA spoke with you about your plans for this weapon! But her? She told you to stick to something that your “childlike little mind” could actually comprehend the endgame of. “How about your little robot figures?” she’d taunted. 

Other students had laughed. LAUGHED! His project was miles ahead of everyone in that class, and her tone was disrespectful and condescending! “I haven’t had a childlike thought in my mind since I was 10, you old bitch!” It just stumbled from his lips. She frowned at him and demanded an apology to her and to the rest of the class. He snatched his presentation supplies and stormed off. He’d be damned if he apologized for her antagonizing him! He heard a few more laughs and he knocked the items off of her podium on his way out. He knew that couldn’t work out well… at least in hindsight, he did. In the moment, all he knew was rage.

He even sent her an email apologizing to her and the class and offering to replace anything that he damaged in his outburst. She had only replied to him not to return to her class until further notice. But… he needed her class. It would throw off his entire educational trajectory not to be able to come to her class! Even for a few days!! He was almost ready to grovel. Almost. That would be too much like showing weakness. He apologized, what more could she want.

So, Simon filed a complaint on her, accusing her of being combative, rude, and making her classes toxic environments. Now, the Committee on Discipline was meeting to look over all of the details of her complaint. 

“I truly wanted to give young Mr. Laurent a moment to think about his actions in the classroom and to realize the err of his ways. His complaint against me during this time, being both unfounded and untrue, caused me to have to rethink my decision. I don’t think that Simon Laurent is capable of the behavioral status that we require of students here. I don’t think that he has the temperance for all of the criticisms his flights of fancy are sure to get over the course of his career. I gave him the option to try another avenue for the assignment, as his assignment, while a very significant project did. Not. meet. The. requirements. Of. the. Assignment. He needed to be able to give us a small demonstration. His project was a weapon. He could only grant me a simulation and that is not what I asked for. Telling him this incited him to rage in which he disrespected myself and his peers, disrupting the classroom with his antics. Like a child, throwing a tantrum.” 

Even then, his face was looking like all he wanted was to murder her right then and there. When the committee allowed him to speak, he changed his tune. He was calm and even voiced. “Professor Hughes made a lot of points about me and my particular struggles when it comes to being disregarded. I did respond angrily and I know that it was wrong of me to react the way that I did. That’s why I sent her an apology after I had the chance to cool down. But, she didn’t decide to turn me into the committee until after I filed a complaint on her for even bringing me to the point that I had such a meltdown in her classroom in the first place!” Amelia frowned and members of the committee shared various facial expressions.

Simon looked directly at her and said, “I’ve been a long time fan of your work and your accomplishments. I specifically fought to be in your classroom because of the way that I regard everything that you’ve done throughout your career and I just wanted the privilege to be able to learn from you. But, you’re very unkind. You make people feel bad. You don’t think about the things that you say to people and how those things might affect them. You didn’t even care about my psychological makeup until you could use it against me in these proceedings. You humiliate people in front of others and you don’t even break a sweat.”

“This is not my hearing, Mr. Laurent.”

“But, it matters to this hearing, because I never would have reacted that way if you weren’t being so abrasive.”

“That is a word that men like to use against me whenever I meet them with the very same energy that they put out. I’ve been called worse. By professors, colleagues, and for over 30 years my own psychological settings came into play whenever a discussion was to be had about me. This isn’t about your mental disposition. It’s about your behavior. Your angry and hostile behavior at any old sign of criticism!”

“Professor Hughes,” one of the committee members said. She went silent.

Simon proceeded, “I know that I’m not good at handling criticism, especially coming from a woman. My mother was… difficult to communicate with and the only other woman I was close to…” His eyes grew damp. “I’m sorry. My education means a lot to me and I’ll do anything to stay here.” He rushed out of the chambers, covering his face as he did. Amelia pulled herself up to go check on him. He was in the waiting section, in a seat in the corner with his back to the wall, still covering his crying face. She took a deep breath, grabbed a seat and sat next to him.

“There’s not a person in that room who isn’t familiar with the hardships you had to face in order to get here. We know about your family. We know about your abuse.” He wiped his face and glared at nothing in particular. “We also know how smart you are. You were able to get into this school based upon your intelligence. Nobody is doubting that you are capable of doing great work. I wasn’t even implying that I hated your work that day. But, it wasn’t the proper assignment, Simon. I needed you to give me one thing, you not only gave me another, but you refused to even consider that what you were trying to give me was impossible to meet my requirements. Then, you got angry because you had refused to listen to me in the first place. Now, I admit… I’m not the most courteous member of staff at this institute. I can be…”

“Bitchy.”

“Unapologetic.” She chuckled. “Let me tell you, I know how it is to be in a room full of people who underestimate you and make you feel like you shouldn’t be in the room. There wasn’t much respect for female engineers in my day and there’s not a proper amount even now if you ask me. Half of this staff is composed of pretentious, pompous, puffed up paragons, and it takes next to nothing for anybody outside of their ideals to be met with disdain. What you did, by reporting me was to make me a target. I disagree with your evaluation of me and I can’t tell if it came from a place of genuine thought or retaliation, but you can’t be trusted to continue your education here unless you are willing to listen to others, especially those of us who are trying to help to teach you!”

He wiped his eyes with his sleeves. “They’re gonna kick me out. It’ll look bad on me, and all of my research and work from the past two years might not even matter anymore…”

“That doesn’t have to happen, Simon. Listen… I think you’re brilliant. I am willing to vouch for you this time, under the circumstances that you see someone about getting professional help for your responses to adversity.”

“You… want me to see a shrink.?”

“I think you could benefit from getting mental healthcare and I don’t want you in any classroom of mine unless you do.”

He shivered. It wasn’t the worst thing in the world. She went back in to explain this to the committee and he went through the campus counselors, hating most of them whenever he met with them, switching every time he didn’t like something about one of them, making very little progress, but still fulfilling the deal he made with the committee, for a time. He and Professor Hughes bickered a lot, but he had kept his temper in check whenever she aggravated him, and he eventually settled on a counselor that he didn’t completely hate, too.

He’d always come in, not at all wanting to speak to them. He tossed some books on the table and said, “That’s my dream journal, my intrusive thoughts notebook, and the standard journal. Look through them and then tell me whatever you need to tell me for me to get my paperwork signed off on.”

The man pushed the books back to him and said, “I’m not going to read those, but you’re free to talk about anything that you’ve written in them to me. Let’s start there.”

Simon flopped into the seat and rolled his eyes, “There’s nothing in these that I want to talk about. That’s why I wrote them in here. You’re the brain person. The information gets to you whether you read it or I say it.”

“Okay. Well, let’s see what the first entry is in this one…” He picked up the standard journal and read out loud, “I saw that they let the void out into the world again… What’s the void, Simon?”

Simon turned red and didn’t answer. After a while, the man continued reading, “It didn’t look like Grace. It was beautiful like her, but it looked older, which makes sense, because it was gone a while, and now it’s back…” 

Simon snatched the book from his hand and stuffed it into his backpack. “This was a bad idea. I’m not here to talk about or hear about the void.”

“I don’t know what the void is, but you wrote about it, so I’m inclined to believe that you think about it.”

“I’ve seen it!” Simon snapped pounding his fist on the desk. He took a deep breath. “I had a vision, at least I thought it was a vision. Whenever I was 16, when I was with my ex… we weren’t together for a long time, not that way. We were friends, first. We were friends for a long time, but I always loved her. I loved her before she even knew herself. I loved her with all of my heart.” He picked at his forearms where his tally marks were. “She just saw me as a friend, even though it was obvious that we should be together. Maybe I pushed too hard. Should’ve just left well enough alone. I had to have her and what I got was something else. She wasn’t the same. That wasn’t the girl I loved and I didn’t know it until I saw this… vision that I call the void. It came out of her, it engulfed her and consumed her and it took her place.”

“In a dream?”

“I’m not crazy.”

“I would never use that word to describe anyone.”

“I’m not whatever word you would use for crazy people! I know that it wasn’t real. But, I saw it and I knew that it was what replaced my friend. I hated it for taking her away, and I hated her for letting it. The void was just a way of dealing with the separation. I omitted everything connected to it from my life.”

“You voided her out.”

“Yeah. The person who looks like my friend got out of a mental institution a while back. That’s what that entry was about.”

“Do you honestly feel like the person who you saw is a different person than the one that you used to love? Do you believe that this void that you saw replaced her and that the entity you refer to as the void is now existing in the form of your friend?”

“What? No. I’m not crazy!”

“I’m asking you if when you refer to your ex as The Void, is that because you don’t see them as the human that you knew or because you have purposefully reduced them to something subhuman?”

“What difference does that make?”

“One would be purposeful dehumanization of someone you didn’t like and the other would be out of your control.”

“Nothing is out of my control,” Simon said.

“Some things have to be, Simon. Like the fact that you don’t want to be here, but the school is making you in order for you to remain enrolled. You can’t control everything, not even everything in your life. But, just because you can’t control everything, that doesn’t mean that you don’t control anything. So… Did you force this dehumanized version of this girl into your mind, or was it something out of your control?”

“I… I created it. I didn’t want to see the person that I needed turn away from me, so I imagined her as something else.” The man just nodded. “But, she made me do it! She was going to…” he shook his head. He couldn’t think of what it was that Grace had done that was so wrong. He needed to think back, remember the pain she caused him. Remember the damage she was willing to inflict… but, he felt like he was grasping. There had to be some reason. He couldn’t believe that he spent close to what 4 years now hating her for something that she didn’t actually do… No! She definitely was going to hurt him more than anyone ever had. “You had to know her. You had to know who she was to know what she could do to me.”

“I looked her up. She recently gave an interview about you. I can send you the link, if you haven’t seen it and are interested.”

“Grace did an interview about me?” He shook his head, “Whatever she said, she’s lying! It didn’t happen that way!”

“Simon… why don’t you do this… See if you can handle what she has to say and we can speak about how it made you feel next time." 

Simon left pretty upset. An interview? She hadn’t had anything to say all of this time. Why now? Was this some sort of reckoning against him? He waited until he got home, glanced around him at all of the destruction he’d caused in the past but few weeks. He had been enraged so frequently that he couldn’t even see his floor. 

But, he couldn’t rush into this. First, he picked up his mess, put things away, discarded what needed to be thrown out thanks to his destructive anger, and washed up for the night. No working on any projects or hobbies. Nothing that he loved or cared about in the event that this interview pissed him off. He let his hair fall and grabbed his phone. They were easier to replace than laptops. You could STOP raging when you get mad… Yeah right. And risk doing it at school again? They’d put me out for sure. 

He opened the link and the first thing he saw was Shana’s face. "This is already a bad start." 

"Hey Shady Kindred! Welcome to Shady Shana’s Dish, where we partake of both relevant and ratchet news. I’m your host, Shady Shana and today, I have a very special guest. My… frenemy turned… friendly associate?" 

Grace laughed. It sounded like music to Simon, even though he glared at her. "Let’s.. just say associate.”

“OOF. Shade. Okay, well… classmates, former classmates, at the very least. This is Grace Monroe. I think my audience would definitely know you. From your videos and songs and stuff. But, let me dish this out, I saw homegirl perform live in NYC, and this bitch had a cello. Okay? A cello! She was singing some opera stuff.”

“I don’t sing opera!”

“She was hitting high notes, this kinda alluring witch noise… you sounded like those tuning things, but like high-pitched… you had to be there. Just… check out her page. I’ll have her links in the description. She’s working on music, putting stuff out all of the time and also attending Julliard. Many talents, very beautiful, sweet, when she wants to be… But, we’re actually here to dish about something that Girlfriend hasn’t talked to anybody about in a long time. Mr. Simon Laurent.” Shana exaggerated how French she said his name and had a look of disgust when she did. 

He rewound to see Grace’s reaction. She nodded. She had prepared herself for this. She didn’t look angry or grossed out. Faking. Lies…

“Yes. I agreed to sit down with you in your really nice little studio here and talk about how I feel about Simon.”

“And just to let you messy ones at home know, we will not be speaking about the old school stuff. Grace was nice enough to give me an exclusive about her current day, so if you came to see what she wanted to say about the old stuff, this will not be the place. What he did do, didn’t do, how he done it, naw! None of that! So, I guess, my first question about it is how would you describe your current feelings about Simon Laurent?”

Grace laughed nervously, licked her teeth, sputtered out air (Simon hadn’t heard that sound in so long), and she shook her head, “It’s a loaded question. Ummm… I can’t say that I really have feelings about Simon. I have memories. I know that we were virtually inseparable for a long time. I know in my mind who I thought he was to me when we were younger, but, none of that has had any real bearing on my life in a while.”

“You don’t think about him or nothin?" 

"I mean… I’ve thought about him, but no, not like actively. It’s not a part of my day. It’s more like an occasional experience, when something triggers it or… even sometimes, it’ll be put of nowhere, but just not often. I don’t even know what Simon looks like right now. If you were to trick me and have him backstage or whatever and he came out here right now, Girl - it might take me a moment to recognize him.” Simon felt himself trembling. She didn’t even check up on him? She didn’t want to know? Of course she didn’t! She didn’t care about him..

Shana laughed. “Well, not to be messy…” was her trademark line for when she was about to say something really messy, “Sounds like he’s basically become, what did you two used to call those mediocre types? Non-essential!” Grace’s lip dropped and she titled her head and squinched her face, “Well…” she said in a high pitch, “I… he’s not present. He isn’t part of my life. He detached himself from my life, and I had to learn to move on and now, there’s simply no attachments. Like, if I ran into him, no, I might not know him right away, but the moment I realize, I’m sure I’d be overcome with emotions. I couldn’t tell you how I’d react.”

“Would you uppercut his ass?” Grace cackled and covered her face. “I mean..  if anybody deserves it…”

“I don’t think I’d uppercut his ass, as you so eloquently put it. I think… I’d check to see how he’s feeling. How he’s doing. If he’s found his peace now that I’m not there to affect anything. If he’s better off without me, like he figured he’d be.”

“Sooo… if I can get you two in a room, you wouldn’t even lay hands on him?”

“I… remember what happened. I remember how it felt. I remember pain. But, since then, I’ve learned empathy. I’ve learned pacifism. I’ve learned healing. So, it’s not that I’ve forgotten how hard that time was, but I’ve forgiven everything and I’d just be curious if he had forgiven things too.”

“Whooooooooooo,” Shana let our a long deep breath, “You are better than me. Because if I see him, it’s hands on sight. He’d better not have his head turned. I’ll bust him right in his neck vein." 

Grace laughed and shook her head, waving her hands, "I do not share in this sentiment. If you are a Simon stan, do NOT message me. I didn’t say anything bad about this man.”

“Which surprises me, because I know YOU won’t say anything about this, but I’ll say this and I’ve said this to him, as well… I still think that a lot of the things said about you were not true and a lot of the things done to you were just something that basically the lowest form of scum would do to someone. Something a… girl, I’m reaching back for this terminology… it was some… null type shit. Somebody less than zero would do that kind of thing, to anyone, much less someone that they cared about.”

“Well… I can’t speak for him, but you know… maybe he didn’t care about me as much as he seemed to… maybe these things are things you do to people you hate and maybe that’s what it was always gonna be with us. That’s why I would ask him how he’s doing. Maybe he was tired of being stuck around somebody he resented. I don’t know. But, I’ll always value any type of growth that I have. And if nothing else, Simon was definitely a harbinger of growth in my life.”

Simon didn’t realize that he was crying. Shana and Grace wrapped up the show and it went off with some music video that they worked on with a little girl. He didn’t watch it… his vision was too blurry. But he heard the song asking “Where would you be, without me?” And he couldn’t help but feel attacked. But, he closed out the video. If she wanted to see him and ask him how he was doing, sure… he could make that happen…

Next

[mashitandsmashit]

America’s Got Talent: Season 15 - Auditions 1

Hello, and welcome to my reviews/countdowns for “America's Got Talent”, Season 15! I'm Mashitandsmashit, but you can call me Mash or Mashit for short...

So with AGT turning a decade-and-a-half old, some changes are bound to be made...I guess I'll just get them out of the way real quick...

1: Heidi Klum has officially returned to the AGT judges' desk, and yes, I will admit that after the boredom I endured from What's Her Name and That Other Chick last year, her quirkiness was sorely missed...

2: Sofia Vergara will be taking the other seat, and while she can be likable and entertaining, they probably just hired her because they wanted a chick with an even funnier accent than Mel B.

3: Due to a certain virus flying around, some of the auditions will be held remotely, like every other “live” show on TV right now...In fact, a handful of them have already been uploaded to Youtube, but I'm not sure whether or not they'll air these auditions on TV, so I'll hold off on reviewing them for now...

Anyway, it's not like we have anywhere to be these days, so let's get right down to tonight's premiere...

Here's my first act ranking for Season 15!

10: Archie Williams. The act that felt more like a Golden Buzzer than the ACTUAL Golden Buzzer, and the act most likely to win the whole season so far...And he's at the bottom of my list...Not that I don't see the value in him, his singing was very nice and all...BUT it was far from the best singing I've heard, including from old brothas like him...Indeed, when Simon said he will never forget this audition, it's pretty obvious what the reason is, and raw talent is not it...That being said...this is one case where I might be willing to throw the act a bone specifically BECAUSE of the sob story! In fact, I don't think I'm even gonna complain about this guy making it all the way to the Finals! Because you know what, as rubbish as the results on this show can be a lot of the time, even the worst results in the show's history don't even hold a candle to the injustice that this man had to suffer for all of these years! I'm at a point in my life where my mortality has hit me hard, giving me an existential crisis over not having accomplished anything significant that I would have liked to in life, and feeling trapped in my current situation, unable to improve it! I can only imagine what THIS guy went through, having the prime years of his life stripped away from him and thrown in a cage over something he didn't do! A LOT is owed to this man, not the least of which are those 37 FREAKING YEARS of his life back! But since that is a tragic impossibility, I guess the LEAST we can give him is his time in the sun on this show! And we won't let that sun go down on him! ...Even if he's by no means the best...Will he win? Probably not...But he'll probably go far either way...And maybe he can even legitimately earn some of it by improving his voice or performing an original song...Who knows...? (HOO, boy...That's a HELL of a review to open this season with!)

9: Double Dragon. I didn't know the Lee Brothers had successors! Where's the coin slot? I wanna beat up some Black Warriors with these ladies' singing and choreography! Anyway, this was entertaining, if rather gimmicky...We'll see if these ladies can pick a song choice I can take a little more seriously next time, or if they go all out on the silliness! ...Honestly, I'm kinda rooting on the latter!

8: Voices of Our City Choir. A choir getting the Golden Buzzer? STOP THE PRESSES! But seriously, I do see potential in this group...There were a few aspects to this act that we haven't seen in previous choirs, like the (very catchy and enjoyable) original song, the instruments and the choir leader actually singing with them (in a very unique singing voice, no less). I'd rather avoid another Detroit Youth Choir situation, but seeing that this IS Terry's Golden Buzzer, and the hosts' GB picks have consistently made the Top 3 AT LEAST every time...again, save for that old burlesque dancer lady...I'd say these people have the potential to keep that streak going...Then again, Angel City Chorale had similar draws to them, and they never did that well in the votes...The whole numbers factor usually only works for kids, because parents are more likely to vote than OTHER relatives...So between that and the comparisons made between this act and Archie, it's a tough one to call...We'll just see what develops as the season goes on...But if nothing else, maybe it's time to break that streak...

7: The Pork Chop Revue. We've seen dog acts, bird acts, cat acts and even a rat act, so who's to say we can't add pigs to the animal trick collective? I guess when you get down to it, it's pretty much another dog act but with pigs...And I probably wouldn't even say that pigs are the most difficult animals to train, as they're actually quite intelligent...But this was unique and different enough for the time being, and both the gigantic mother and the little baby pig stole the show...and everyone's hearts! That'll do, pigs...That'll do...

6: Ryan Tricks. I would like to take this moment to coin a new AGT term: The Shin Lim Effect! Basically, it refers to the shadow that has been cast over all magicians on this show by a certain other magician, hence the name...Because of it, all magicians that compete on this show will inevitably be compared to You-Know-Who...It's not exactly a fair comparison, but it does set the standard for what is expected of all magicians from here on out...This man, for instance, did a trick that was far from the most mesmerizing or head-scratching...BUT, he still made me wonder what made this trick possible, and as mundane as that sounds, it IS the highest of compliments you can give a magician! The only answer that could hurt his credibility is if Howie and Simon were plants...But I've long since stopped assuming that they do those things...I'm not ENTIRELY sold on him yet, but he is likable enough that I'm willing to give him a chance...

5: Broken Roots. These guys were easily the most interesting singers for me tonight! I look forward to seeing how they improve with a little more practice...

4: Muy Moi Show. Just when you thought you'd never see a more insane sideshow act than Bir Khalsa...This guy did everything short of hanging something off of his eyelids! He even put his shirt back on! That's almost a cardinal sin in the eyes of the female judges! All I have to say is, I look forward to seeing what he does with a bigger budget!

3: BAD Salsa. Is it wrong that I almost wondered if they were former V.Unbeatable members? I mean, they certainly had the acrobatic abilities! This takes the whole dance duo genre to a new level, so I guess it's no surprise that it's from India!

2: Vincent Marcus. I wish I had Eminem and Jay-Z singing my nursery rhymes back when I was little! I never watched Vine, so I'm not aware of this guy's earlier work, but he seems like a pretty funny guy! Question is, will he make good progress like Greg Morton, or will he be taken out prematurely like several other acts of this nature...? Who knows? But I hope he does well, because this was certainly one of the more memorable acts so far...

1: Malik DOPE. Looks like my dream band consisting of Tokio Myers, Brian King Joseph and Marcin Patrzalek finally has a drummer! I'm not sure if this guy blew me away to the same degree that those other guys did (yet), but I do love his moves! I see a lot of potential in this act, especially when he gets enough of a budget to add some special effects or something...(PS, I'd probably pick Courtney Hadwin to be the lead singer...I'll call them the Sounds of Chaos!)

Overall, a pretty solid opener to the season! Even the weakest acts (not counting the rejects) had something to admire, and that's always good!

Next week, Simon's apparently got the Golden Buzzer...And I figure that it's only a matter of time before his GB wins the show, so we'll see if this is the year...I just hope that WHATEVER kind of act it is, it's deserving enough to go all the way to the Finals as I'm sure it will inevitably either way...

So I guess I'll see you then...Assuming anyone else will be posting here with me, after the total silence I got at Champions a few months back...

Still looking into that podcast...

[paintersforadays-blog]

Hiring Professional Painters

Portray a home is one of the most challenging duties that you may undertake. Painters For A Day That is regardless of whether or not you rent knowledgeable painter or you do it yourself. You have to be able to put in a lot arduous labor and time if you resolve on DIY portray. Alternatively, you may rent a professional painter to save you the difficulty. The decision to hire a professional relatively or doing it yourself could be decided by varied factors, as you could consider the professionals and cons of both choices.

It's difficult to invest on the cost of having a paint job accomplished on your own home. This uncertainty arises as a result of you need to consider several components. For example, the dimensions of the house, paint quality and the last time that a paint job was executed on the home are extraordinarily important points to consider. They may both elevate or lower the cost of portray the home. The price of labor often results in higher portray prices. This means that DIY portray is cheaper than partaking an expert to do the painting.

Hiring a professional painter can allow you to save lots of time. A professional portray job can take one or two days. In contrast, you could require many days or even weeks to color the home. You'd principally want carrying out DIY portray if you are not in an awesome hurry to have the paint job completed. However, in case you are prepping your property in readiness for an upcoming occasion, you may not have the luxury of unlimited time. Hiring an expert painter would be the only manner.

Painting your home may contain the use of a ladder to entry high places. Using a ladder when finishing up DIY painting might pose questions of safety, as you danger falling. Skilled painters, nonetheless, are trained and skilled in utilizing ladders. As well as, a professional painter could also be insured towards such dangers. If an accident happens, you would not be accountable for incurring the price of medical care. Alternatively, you would need to foot medical bills as a result of it's possible you'll not foresee the necessity to take medical insurance cowl in case of such dangers.

A painter could make the paint seem more skilled than DIY portray. That is due to the experience professionals purchase in training. Knowledgeable painter undergoes intensive coaching and receives certification from knowledgeable body that ensures excessive painters in new york requirements are maintained. You, in distinction, may have only the essential painting skills. However, you may lack the requisite expertise to create a neat and even paint job. For example, you may not know how to create clear traces and edges.

If you wish to perform a DIY paint job efficiently, you must have the right tools. Portray does not only require a brush however different such instruments as a strain washer, tarps, rollers, paint trays and gloves. If your property has very excessive partitions, you would possibly want longer ladders or even a crane. A company can afford to invest in such tools. As well as, you ought to be nicely protected in opposition to any hurt as you perform DIY painting. Professionals can have respiration gear to guard them from harmful fumes of paint.

So you might be ready to maneuver ahead together with your painting venture and you have determined to start looking for knowledgeable house painter to do the work. The question is the place to look and tips on how to weed out the flakes from Social Network Here the professionals, the high bids from the low bids, the real references from the family references and what's truly needed for a top quality job versus fluff objects that cost more money however provides no additional benefit to you.

There are a number of ways to begin your seek for knowledgeable home painter.

The Internet has turn out to be the most common method people look or seek for providers and products. Most individuals use search engines like google and yahoo such as Google or Yahoo to search for a home painter, plumber, electrician or handyman to provide an estimate. But these engines like google don't tell the entire story and don't distinguish between a good, trustworthy, professional service supplier versus someone who's just trying to make a quick buck and go away you with a project that is now going to cost you more to have fixed. Don't hand over hope there are different on-line sources that can assist narrow the sphere and weed out the shysters.

Some of my favorites embody Yelp, Google Locations, Kudzu and Angie's List. Remember that not all reputable house painters are listed on these sites simply as not all dishonest home painters is not going to be mentioned, however these websites are a good barometer of how those which can be listed will treat you and the kind of work you possibly can anticipate if you rent them. Most respected home painters will encourage their customers to put up their experience on-line so other potential prospects will really feel comfortable utilizing their services

Phrase of mouth. Getting a reference from friends or neighbors is always one of the reliable ways for selecting a home painter. It's also probably the most value-effective ways for a painter to generate new enterprise so it is always in his / her finest interest to ship high quality work at a reasonable worth with a willingness to stand behind their work and a monitor report of doing so.

The Better Enterprise Bureau is one other worthwhile resource to determine in case your painter is going to reside up to your expectations. House painters which might be belong to the BBB should conform to resolve buyer complaints or points, have all of the correct insurance requirements and conduct their business in a professional method in accordance with the BBB tips. In addition Our Blog to making this commitment to the BBB, each business is rated with a letter grade based mostly on complaints, their time in enterprise and the scale of their firm. An A+ ranking is an organization with no unresolved complaints or points and has been in enterprise for not less than 7 years. An A ranking is a company with no unresolved complaints with lower than 7 years.

Remember that corporations do get complaints and some are from prospects that have unrealistic expectations or are constantly submitting complaints for the eye. As long as the company has http://paintersforaday.com/ resolved the issue in the eyes of the BBB, you should not have any concerns. Typically a reputable firm may have resolved a customer complaint properly earlier than it reaches the BBB.

References: My mom say's I am a great painter is not actually a very good reference except you already know the mother. Do your homework. After all, you don't actually expect a painter to present you bad references do you? A superb rule of thumb is to ask for a whole record of consumers courting again as far as possible and to do your Wikipedia Hereindividual random calling or drive by. We at all times give our clients a complete record of earlier prospects. Our rule is we don't know who you're going to call or what or earlier customer goes to say, but if we have now finished our job proper than we will earn your small business and if we haven't then we don't deserve it.

Money: Deposits are generally requested by painters to pay for materials. The rule to comply with here is rarely give more than 10% of the contract - estimate and restrict it to $1,000.00. Relying on the dimensions of the job progress funds or draws could also be requested by the painter. These payments needs to be a part of any contract and must be based on work carried out and inspected. Never pay ahead of schedule or make a last payment till the work is complete and you are totally satisfied. Try to keep away from paying cash if attainable. Our policy is any work beneath $20,000.00 doesn't require a deposit and payment is due upon completion.

The estimate: Every painter has a technique to their insanity and therefore every estimate must be completely different. Now you could be asking your self how completely different? Nicely that every one depends on what number of bids you are getting, the dimensions of the corporate you calling, the type of insurance coverage the company carries and the quantity of overhead the painters has. If you are calling painters which can be a one man present with low overhead and low insurance price your estimates must be consistent in pricing. The trade-off to hiring a painter that works alone is the time he'll spend at your own home disrupting your life.

In case you are getting estimates from painters with crews that can put multiple men on the mission then again your pricing needs to be constant and inside just a few hundred dollars of one another. The trade-off here is barely larger pricing resulting from overhead however with much less time disrupting your schedule. If you happen to combine these two varieties of companies collectively for estimating functions than expect irregular pricing.

[quintessential-queer-indian-blog]

Dear Anonymous,

If you got the reference I’d made in title, please leave a comment because I would love to get in touch with someone I’m in sync with. Anyway, for those who did not get the reference, fret not, for I will explain. “Penelope” is one of the most magical films I’ve ever seen which has a very beautiful lesson about self-acceptance. A brief plot summary:

A modern day fairy-tale about a girl, Penelope Wilhern, born to an elite Blue Blood family must break a curse she inherited from her bloodline that gave her the face of a pig. In order to break this curse, she must be accepted by “one of her own kind, till death do them apart”. Brought up in captivity by an overbearing mother, she is trained to be a model bride and is set up with a marriage arrangement service, whereas all Penelope wants is to see the world and be free.

I remember the first time I ever watched the movie, when I was 12. Ever since, I’ve always wanted to watch it again but it was never shown on television again. Recently, I got hold of the movie and watched it to death for about 10 times. The soundtrack at the end is particularly charming, called “Hoppípolla” by Sigur Rós. If you do want to watch this movie, I’d suggest you do so before you read this post because I kind of spoil the ending (sorry, not sorry).

Anyway, coming back to the point of my post. The reference to Penelope was merely to elucidate the concept of self acceptance. In order to get rid of the curse, Penelope agrees to marry a blue blood, who is only marrying her to restore his public image on orders from his father, after publicly shaming Penelope, describing her as a monster with fangs. However, when the “I do” moment arrives, Penelope gives in to her doubts and says “No!” and runs away from the altar. Her mother, worried that the blue blood would leave, follows Penelope and pleads with her to get back and marry him when Penelope says the iconic words: “I don’t want to get rid of the curse; I like myself the way I am“. At that moment, she becomes the Blue Blood required to break the curse as she “is one of their kind who accepts her until death do them apart”, thus reverting her nose and ears back to that of a human.

Penelope taught me a very important lesson when she said the words: “I like myself the way I am”. We spend so much time and effort and money on things such as make-up, special diet, exercise equipment, gym membership, etc. We have a set image in our minds as to how we ought to look like. We have been conditioned by society to thinking that we are not “pretty enough”, or “handsome enough”, or “hot enough”, or “sexy enough”. Sometimes, things that are totally out of our control such as height, skin color, hair quality etc, are what makes us “not good enough” for the social idea of good looks. On the one hand, we reiterate “Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder”, whereas on the other hand, we squeeze ourselves into tight dresses and add an inch-thick layer of make-up, or we work out till our muscles become sore in order to have “abs” and “glutes” and whatnot. I’m not shaming those who like wearing make-up or wearing pretty dresses, or like working out in the gym in order to have a stunning body. I am in awe of said people because it takes a great deal of care and effort to maintain yourself. Watching every carb you eat, maintaining a diet diary and counting calories, spending hours in the gym and toning your muscles, grooming and trimming and waxing off hair apart from that on your head while spending a great deal of time in styling the hair that is on your head; all of these activities ought to be done by people voluntarily. These activities take up a lot of time and effort, both physical and mental/emotional, and are just means to an end some people wish to achieve. However, it is imprudent to assume that everybody ought to set their body image standards to such a high benchmark. Not everyone may have the sort of means, time, or energy in them to do these activities in order to be deemed “beautiful” or “hot” by a generic crowd of four people.

Now, I could go on and blame movies and media as a source of unrealistic body standards, which is true. However, I wish take another route. Media promotes many things – some are good (like philanthropy, animal and human rights, business sense etc) and some are not (violence, unrealistic body standards, sexual discrimination and overhyping many vices). What the media does is present to you, the viewer, as entertainment, a fictionalized version of reality. The very point of requiring entertainment is that reality is too boring at times. You wake up, get ready to go to office/school, spend a third of your day doing work (job or learning), come back home and retire for the rest of the day. A monotonous routine requires some catalyst – something that drives you to continue the monotony. Don’t get me wrong, monotony isn’t bad; monotony is what pays your bills. The catalyst is the entertainment in the form of movies, shows, social media, porn etc. Naturally, this entertainment you seek requires some pizzazz, an element of fantasy that elevated you from the mundane musings of your daily life. Media provides this for you. To do so, they need to create aspects of fantasy, so close to reality that it seems real enough, yet not too close to reality that it becomes “too real”. This fantasy world requires perfection; things people generally like: Pretty objects and pretty people leading pretty, yet relatable lives. Here comes the aspect of “unrealistic body standards”. In order to please the maximum number of people, you need a hook; something that makes people want to watch the movie or show, or read the article, or buy a product. This is where they usher in the pretty guns: skinny girls with surreal skin and dress size and impossibly straight hair, and men that exude masculinity with their rock hard pecs and ice-cube tray abs and albeit not mentioned, clear perfect fair skin with perfectly groomed hair and smooth airbrushed body parts. These people are simply doing their job – to create a fantasy world for you, the average looking, average bodied mass public. Some of these people are genetically gifted while others put themselves through a certain hell to look “bangable”. But that’s all they are; people like you and me, doing their jobs like you and me, to pay their bills like you and me. The problem arises when people start setting goals based on those pretty guns hired to spruce up the fantasy world. You are a person with a full-time job. How can you possibly imagine trying to put in the effort those pretty guns do (for their own full-time job), apart from the effort you put into your own job? Know the line between fantasy and reality, and you will realise the truth – bringing your lofty standards back from fantasy to reality will save you a lot of effort and bring you true happiness.

That said, one of the major reasons people indulge in lofty and unrealistic standards of appearance is less voluntary than one might think. As a species, we are genetically predisposed to “being the perfect mate” for our fellow sapiens. Therefore, even though we may not internalize or believe in those standards set by the fantasy, we put ourselves through certain hell to satisfy someone else’s fantasies, thus securing a mate (from an evolutionary standpoint). This is perfectly normal, but that doesn’t make it right. One of the hardest things I have had to do was to give up the idea of finding “the one” and seeming normal by having a romantic partner. When I did, it was like a weight was lifted. Suddenly, the extra insulation around my stomach and my comparatively larger ass was no longer an issue to me because I stopped fretting over whether I would be checked out by someone or be found attractive. Then came the thought – should I care about my looks, if not for a generic person to be attracted by me, then at least for my satisfaction? Cue: Penelope. I am not unhealthy (by God’s Grace). I am only slightly unattractive to look at. Once you get to know me, I happen to be a very nice person. This means that whatever differences exist between my body and my mental image of what ought to be, is only because of the unrealistic standards I’ve set for myself owing to my misinterpretation of media’s objective and other factors that have little relevance in my life. This means, it’s merely a question of self-acceptance. “I like myself the way I am”. I’m curvy and I love it. My skin is not soft, but I love it anyway. My hair is not straight or easily styled, but I love it anyway. 30 years from now, my skin will be wrinkly, and my hair will be gray/non-existent. I may have a “dad bod” and things may sag. In spite of all that, I love myself. To quote @thegoodadvicecupcake “Look into the mirror and tell yourself: I am f*cking hot”.

It would be foolish of me to say that stop hoping for romance and hot sex, because it is something we are conditioned to want. When I have a weak moment regarding the acquisition of a means to satisfy my love/lust, I run this particular movie scene through my mind:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GyM_hp935o&feature=youtu.be

This gives me hope to wait for someone who would “like me just as I am“. If I’m not good enough for you, tough. This may seem a bit like pushing the “love yourself first” propaganda. But you know what? Try it. You’ll realise that all this while you have been missing out on a lot of happiness and contentment you could have had, had you just thought deeply about what you truly want. I did, and believe me – my bathroom scales might tell me I haven’t lost any weight, but my mind is certainly lighter.

On that note, I leave you with one last advice – Love yourself, and happiness will follow. Happiness may not look like what you imagine right now, but when happiness does come into your life, the difference won’t matter.

Until next time.

[letsimportanttreecollection-blog]

Tip cheap car insurance for one month only

"Tip cheap car insurance for one month only

Tip cheap car insurance for one month only

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freeautoinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

RELATED QUESTIONS: 

SO confused about this car insurance issue?

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Do I need a motorcycle VIN number to get insurance in NC?

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Hi I'm 18 and have just passed my test. I was looking to get a diesel fiesta, the 1.6 TDCi Zetec S to be exact. I was checking out quotes on insurance on them. For some reason I get quoted and can insure the 2007 and 2008 models, but the ones before that I don't get a quote. I looked up the cars specifications for all years and they all have the same torque, bhp, weight & everything. I wanted to know why I can't get quoted on the older models?""

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Tip cheap car insurance for one month only

Tip cheap car insurance for one month only

Car insurance question?

My dad has full coverage on his car, my brother's ex wife has her car insured with his address. She doesn't live there, but is using his address for her car insurance purposes. His premium keeps going up, although its two different premiums, does it affect him because she is also using the same address? My dad is 70, and this girl is 27. Thanks""

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Does anyone know where to get Cheap SR22 Insurance in Texas?

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We live in Massachusetts and I previously heard that ANYONE who is under 18 and does not have health insurance will automatically qualify for the free state insurance, MassHealth. Does anyone know if this is true because it doesn't really specify online.""

Does your license get suspended for not paying insurance?

Does your license get suspended for not paying insurance?

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I live in NYC, i'll be 18 in feb next year and i want to know how much i would have to pay for it. I can't be under someone else's insurance. I don't even have a car yet but it probably won't be anything over 7000 and probably 1990's or early 2000's. Thanks.""

Are there any good arguments for requiring health insurance. Ive only heard arguments against it?

Ive heard the car insurance one, not very solid. I also have heard there will be hardship exemptions and certain levels of income earned that will determine how much help will be given in purchasing insurance. Just looking for somethings to note when someone brings up this part of the bill""

How much can i expect to pay for insurance?

Hi, Well im about to finance a Mercedes-Benz C300 and wanted to know how much should i expect to pay for insurance. Im 19 by the way, have a credit score of 710, dont know if insurance companies look at scores, but finally, this will be my first car. Hope that helps. Thank you!""

""I just received a position where I am given Benefits for the first time, I have questions about Insurance?""

Does what I pay for insurance come out monthly? or every check? what is coinsurance? How do deductibles work? Stupid questions I am sure, but I have never had the option to pick insurance, and I haven't been covered by my parents insurance for at least 7 years. I didn't go to the doctor much when i was covered, so I never learned what my parents had to do.""

""Moving from Texas to Arizona, how will it impact family auto insurance?""

I have auto insurance with my family who lives in Texas, but I am moving to Arizona. Right now my insurance is on a family plan which has multiple vehicles as it is much cheaper than if I were to get the car insurance by itself. If I register my car and license in Arizona, will the insurance agency not allow me to continue insurance with my family as we're in different households and states? Insurance agency is Metlife if that helps.""

Car Insurance for Teen Girl Estimate HELP PLZ?

How much would you estimate that insurance for a 16 year old brand new driver in a 2001 acura integra 2 door hatch back would cost with a good student driver discount? any idea? any one close to those guide lines that have an idea willing to share? Please help thanks

Can my daughter be on my mom's car insurance even if they don't live together?

Hi, my name is Kathy, I'm 19 year old female and want to buy a car but car insurance is just expensive. I want to be put on my grandmothers car insurance but we don't live in the same city. Do you think it would be possible for me to get on there! Thanks for your answers...""

Does anybody know any type of affordable car insurance (South.CA) for a teen who just got his driver license?

Do you know any car insurance that is not too bad (that covers stuff) yet not too expensive (lets say somewhere less than $500 a month)? And could you also please site a reference site? Thank you.

Can I have two cars under two separate car insurance companies read my situation please!?

I have my own insurance on my own car with Farmers Insurance. However, my best friend just bought a new car and her insurance rate sucks. Can I insure my friends car under my name with Gieco and add my friend as a secondary driver and keep my Farmers insurance under my own car? Also, is there any way that Farmers would no if I did this? Do I have to tell anyone I have two insurance companies? Just put insurance, right? THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!""

Is having a health insurance mandatory in California?

I am moving from Massachusetts to California at the end of this month. In Massachusetts its mandatory to have health insurance and if you don't have it you can get penalized on your taxes. Is it mandatory in California as well?

""Do you know cheapest car insurance? My friend is 21, male.?""

Do you know cheapest car insurance? My friend is 21, male.?""

""I dont have insurance or a source of income, help?""

I am eighteen years old and currently have no insurance and I am looking for a job but so far nothing. I have chronic migraine disorder and ptsd, I was on medication for both but after I turned eighteen I lost all insurance I had with my mother. i don't go to school nor can i afford to and i dont know what to do. Help?""

What's the average insurance cost of a 17 year old just strating to drive?

1.) In a 1.0 engine car 2.) In a 1.5 engine car 2.) In a 2.0 engine car

What is the penalty for driving without insurance in california?

what is the penalty for driving without insurance in california?

How much does horse insurance cost?

How much would it cost to insure a 14 year old gelding quarter horse? He is 1,200 pounds and does jumping and dressage. I need to know this ASAP!!!""

I am selling my car while the insurance is about to expire.?

Do I need to buy a short term insurance to cover the car while I am trying to sell it? Btw it is parked on the driveway of my house and I won't have to drive it any more. But when there is a buyer coming to try the car I know it has to be insured at that time. So should I leave it until someone committed to buy the car or get it insured immediately? Hope someone who has same experience to answer this, many thanks.""

Tip cheap car insurance for one month only

Tip cheap car insurance for one month only

Will Health Insurance Reform give us affordable premiums?

We understand the proposed legislation will require insurance companies to accept pre-existing conditions and prohibit them from dumping anyone who gets an awful prognosis. These features are very progressive. Mr. Obama didn't want federally mandated insurance, but the insurance industry does want it. So if everyone is required to sign on, as with car insurance, then we need to shop around for the best rates. What's the bottom line? How can we find out? Can we still ask our Congressional reps to strike this out?""

Which candidate do you agree with on Health insurance?

A=Mandatory universal coverage in first term. Tax credits for working families to make insurance more affordable  ensuring premiums do not exceed a percentage of income. Business would be required to offer insurance to employees or pay into a pool for people without it. Expand Medicare and federal employees' health insurance plan to cover those without adequate workplace insurance. Raise taxes on wealthier families to help pay estimated cost of $110 billion a year. Also, raise taxes on a portion of very generous plans covering people making more than $250,000. B=Mandatory coverage for children, no mandate for all. Aim for universal coverage by requiring employers to share costs of insuring workers and by offering coverage similar to that in plan for federal employees. Says package would cost up to $65 billion a year after unspecified savings from making system more efficient. Raise taxes on wealthier families to pay the cost.""

Motorcycle insurance/registration in IL?

Do I need insurance to register my motorcycle in the state of IL? I know I don't need insurance to register it at the currency exchange, but it's cheaper at the DMV so I rather go there, I just don't know if I need proof of insurance.""

Cheapest Car Insurance (UK) For 17 year old (guy) who just passed test?

Hi, What are the best insurance companies to go to for cheap car insurance for a just passed 17 year old guy? Ive tried go compare and compare the market, but their cheapest quotes were 3700 a year! Are there any good Insurers who arn't on comparison websites, I heard some offer you discounts if you go to them direct. Thanks!""

Can switching to geico really save you 15% or more on care insurance?

...............

How likely is it that my car insurance will go up due to this?

Haven't had a claim in over ten years Haven't gotten a ticket in probably 5 years. But, the neighbor kid did $2K worth of damage to my car with his bike in three separate incidents. Basically, half of it will have to be repainted! I'd really, really rather not go to court. His insurance is NOT an option in this case. He doesn't have $2,000 laying around. IF I go the much easier route of getting him to pay at least my deductible, how likely is State Farm to raise my rates with a, after deductible, claim of about $1500 or so? Any relevant advice/comment is appreciated.""

""What is the average insurance rate for a 19 year old male in Austin, Tx?""

PLEASE give me an actual number, not just how I could find out and what important information I left out. I have had no accidents and an attending school and will be buying an average car. Thanks in advance""

A person with sr22 insurance wrecked my car. Will sr22 cover the damages to my vehicle?

I was unaware the person I let drive my vehicle only had sr22 (Texas) insurance. He totaled my car while I was a passenger in it. My insurance is very unlikely to cover the damages since he is not on our policy, but would his sr22 cover the damages? I am very worried & any and all feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thank you""

Motorcycle insurance on a 2008 crf230l?

(around) How much would motorcycle insurance be for a 16 year old on a Honda crf230l?....thanks

Where can i get cheap car insurance?

Ive tried compare the market and a few of the other leading companies but they all a bit to high for me - whats so annoying is when i find one thats suitable it ends up higher than the listed price. Anyone know of a good one

""Insurance,if I buy a car and get my dad to registered keeper and owner and he insures it wi me as main driver?""

Is this legal their is a space on go compare ask n who the main driver would be ive got dr10 ins10 twice lc20 All from 2008 so cheapest quote is 5k. My dad also has his car too with 8 yrs no claims so idea is to insure my car registered in his name with the 8 yrs no claim s wi me as main driver and insure his car without no claims bonus got a quote on go compare 1000 for my car wr dad as registered keeper me as main driver and he would have to pay on his own car with no claims bonus not on should still b cheaper than , ,5k help!""

Is it possible to obtain a learner's permit without having my parents' insurance rates go up?

I am a 16 year old in NY and my parents do not want me to obtain a learner's permit because they are afraid that their insurance rates will go up and they cannot afford it now. Now, a friend told me that I could go to the NY DMV without my parents and get a learner's permit. Is this possible? I would like a learner's permit not only for the ability to drive, but also as a solid form of photo ID (like, instead of a passport). What should I do about this? PS. My parents won't be convinced.""

Where can I get cheap bike insurance?

I'm having trouble getting a decent quote for my ZX7R, due to my no claims being void becase I haven't ridden for 4 years. Can you help?""

What is the average annual/weekly contents insurance cost?

What is yours or what is the average?

Pregnant w/o insurance.?

I am 6 weeks pregant and do not have insurance. I don't qualify for medicaid anymore because I make too much money, like 1000 over. The problem is that I can't work less or we can't pay our bills. Does anyone know how I can get insurance while I am pregnant??""

Rental car insurance -- what does it cover?

We are going to Vegas in a few days and are renting a car. Since this car is going to be in and out of parking garages, I think it's a good idea to buy the rental car insurance @ $ 10.99 a day. Say while the car is in the parking garage and someone scratches or dings the door, would this insurance cover it? That's all I'm really worried about.""

Is there some sort of reason that Car Insurance costs so much more in Nevada than it does in California?

Im looking into moving, and I cannot help but notice that the quotes I am getting are, well, DOUBLE what I pay in California. Granted, I am a 23 year old male and have a decent driving record, it is kind of shocking to see liability only coverage quoted at $250/month for my two 8 and 12 year old cars, when Im paying $125/mo. as of now in California for the same 100/300 coverage. Can someone explain this? I have some friends that have moved to Las vegas, with the same shocking increase in premiums... (And yes, I need the 100/300 since I own a home)""

Proof Of Car Insurance?

I never owned a car, nor have I need to car insurance. I see I need Proof Of Insurance, How can I bypass proof of insurance when registering/buying a car from a dealership, etc?""

Insurance companies will have 32 million new customers because of Obamacare. How is this socialism?

The Affordable Care Act was modeled after a Republican health care plan by the Heritage Foundation and was first implemented by a Republican governor. All this bill does is makes sure that insurance companies have 32 million new customers. I could understand if you called Single Payer socialism (which I highly support), but calling Obamacare socialist is pretty stupid.""

Smart roadster uk insurance.?

Slight problem, was looking up TPFT insurance quotes for a smart roadster: 500 excess. 7000 yearly premium. 7500 annuall mileage. The car's only worth 8500 it has a 0.7L engine. How do they justify this price gouging?""

How much is car insurance for a 16 year old?

How much would car insurance be for a 16 year old female with a convertible volkswagen?

Can I get medi-cal if I already have health insurance?

I am insured with blue shield in California, and just found out I'm pregnant. My insurance doesn't cover prenatal care. I know my income qualifies me for California's medi-cal coverage for pregnant women, but will having insurance make it so that I won't qualify for medi-cal? Also, my live in boyfriend makes more than the income cap. Will that affect things? I just want to make sure I get some sort of medical care.""

Car insurance quotes?

when i turn 17 (few months) and hopefully pass my test 'm going to most likely going to get a ford fiesta however ive already looked at claims on multiple cars including the fiesta type i will probably get and every quote is around 5000-7000 so i was wondering if i should (give the car to my mum or dad) and get insured on them for a considerable lower price as the car im looking at is around 2000-3000 im not a boy racer or anything so im not gonna mod the car or rag it rotten i was wondering if i will be able to get away with it or should i just get insured on a car that costs less than the insurance? Thanks all that answer

Can I add a person to my insurance if i dont own the car?

Okay, my live in boyfriend just got a car and is leasing it through an auto dealer, and making payments. The car is in his name. I would like to know if he can be added to my insurance policy? Does the car have to be in my name to be on my insurance policy?""

Can i switch over car insurance to new car/ Montana to Wisconsin?

I had insurance for my old car when i was living in Montana, liability coverage or whatever is the cheapest. I got rid of my old car, moved to Wisconsin and bought a new (used) car. Can i switch my insurance over to the new car i bought? I got my insurance through AAA> Any advice would be helpful>thanks""

Tip cheap car insurance for one month only

Tip cheap car insurance for one month only

Where can a marijuana smoker get affordable life assurance?

it depends on if your a heavy smoker or just smoke a few times. if they ask for health records then you will be in a higher quote, but also when they ask you question on health and ...show more""

EMPLOYER INSURANCE VS OUTSIDE INSURANCE?

I work for a company that provides insurance through Health-net. Since the rates aren't that great (ya, what a surprise for Hyundai) I was wondering if could I deny the company insurance and just go with an outside provider? Or if I half to take what ever my company provides me.""

Can i get cheep insurance after being convicted of a 23140 in the California vehicle code?

I got pulled over more then a year ago and had a few beers with my best friend before he left for the armed services. I have the worlds brightest car and this probably wasn't the best idea. This happened 2 months before my 21st bday. My term to not have a licence is almost up and I am scared what my insurance is gonna look like. Does anyone know a way i can get cheep insurance or clear my driving record? Its only a infraction but will seriously mess up my life for the next 10 years. Any advice about programs insurance company s might have to lower costs so i can afford it when this period is up?

""What are my options, health insurance wise?""

I'm 19 and MassHealth is being a b**** and canceling my insurance. I got no job and I'm a full time student. Is there anyway to get insurance like this? I mean, Massachusetts must have something for people like me. Anyone else having this problem and have a solution? If so it would really help.""

How much is insurance for the Acura RSX?

I really want on badly but I'm concern about the costs. I am eighteen year old male and this will be my first car. I just got my license as well.

Is there an affordable health insurance plan?

Hey, I'm 17 years old and I have a baby. We both have MOLINA insurance. But my boyfriend who's 19 doesnt have any health insurance. He works full time and is about to be going to college part time. Well his wisdom teeth are coming in crooked and he cant get them fixed because it costs so much. Is there any health insurance plan that wont cost us an arm and a leg? And doesnt have a catch?""

Gap insurance on new auto?

what is the cost for gap insurance for honda acord 4 door sedan 06 year

Will this lower my insurance?

Im looking at cars to buy for my first car and I was wondering what the insurance cost would be like for a 16 almost 17 year old female for a 1979's 1980's camaro I also maintain a high gpa and get a discount for it aswell and live in las vegas.

""Where can I get cheap car insurance for a vw golf 1.4 51 reg? Im 17 and just passed, I'll b on parents policy?""

I will be on my parents policy, with a parent as the main driver and me as the named driver? Ive looked at tesco value and its coming up as 2500!!! i was hoping more along the lines of 1500""

Why does car insurance cost more in one state but is cheaper in another?

Why does car insurance cost more in one state but is cheaper in another?

Question about car insurance.?

Hi there I bought a car that is about 100 miles away, and is in another state. I will get a ride there to pick it up. But what do I do about insurance do I get some or other temp. insurance to drive it back to my home town? or do I get insurance where I buy it? What is the procedure in this case? Thank you""

Range Rover Insurance?

I know that insurance depend on a lot of factors however I'm just looking for a round about estimate for a 24 year old female with a clean driving record on a 2003 a range rover?

For a first time driver who is 28 who is good for cheap car insurance?

In the uk

Why is a five door car cheaper to insure than a 3 door car?

My father got a quote for a 5 door 1995 ford fiesta yesterday for 240. The previous car was also a fiesta of the same year and same engine but was a 3 door which cost 340 per year. We have had a 5 door ford fiesta before but that cost 340 per year as well, but the engine was the same and it was the same year. Why the difference in insurance cost between 3 and 5 doors?""

Can a financial advisor from AXA sell you New York life insurance?

I'd like to know if a financial advisor that works for AXA Advisors offer clients New York Life insurance products. Thanks in advance! I'm in CA by the way.

Insurance for honda civic?

Does anyone no how much insurance is for a Honda civic, I am 17. Do i have any hope of getting any?""

Car or 125cc motorcycle for 17 year old?

So I turn 17 soon and I was wondering whether to get a car or a 125. The main downside to getting a car is the driving lessons, it will probably end up costing 1000+ in just driving lessons/tests and is likely to take ages to past where as it takes a day to do the CBT to ride a bike. I am not interested in people saying Don't get a motorbike they're deathtraps! . So what should I do?""

Speeding ticket...how much will my insurance go up?

I received a speeding ticket. If found guilty of it, how much can I expect of an increase in my insurance premium? It is my first ticket. I have USAA insurance. It is a minor infraction. (1 point in here in Cali.) Thanks for the help!""

I am thinking of getting renters insurance. What is the cost of most average cost of most polices?

Live in a 2 story, downstairs apartment ground floor, one level., I have a doxie (weiner dog), my son who is an adult and my husband.""

Why is car insurance so expensive in the UK!?

So i'm not driving yet, only applied for a provisional, i'm age 17. But I thought why not try and figure out how much my insurance will be once i've passed and buy a car at roughly 1000, so I filled in all the details as accurate as possible on the compare websites and the cheapest yearly insurance price was 5600! How the hell am I suppose to afford this, am I doing something wrong haha :L""

How much does motorcyles insurance run??

I want to be an inexpensive bike to save gas money (like a ninja 250) and I'm curious how much laibility insurance is... my car insurance is only $30 a month and I have a perfect driving record, no accidents. thank you""

Will Hillary Clinton universal health care program force all Americans to pay for health insurance?

How will those who are unemployed pay for health insurance under her plan?

Help! Accident on motorcycle with no insurance.?

I was recently involved in an accident on my motorcycle with a Hertz rental car. I purchased the bike 9 days before the accident and was planning on adding the motorcycle to my car insurance policy. No one was hurt in the accident but a police report was filled out at the request of the rental company. I was wondering if insurance companies possibly have some kind of grace period for accidents a certain number of days before the policy is added, or if need be, transferred to the motorcycle. The rear bumper of the rental car was dented and the right rear lights were damaged. My motorcycle is fine. I live in California.""

Can my brother put me on his health insurance?

I have a illness. I started a new job and insurance won't kick in untill another three months. Can I be put on my brothers insurance? He has no children and he is not married. Plus he never uses it.

Jeep Wrangler Sahara insurance?

I am a 16 year old female... I want a 2004 Jeep Wrangler 4x4 Sahara as my first car. My mom seems to think the insurance is too high. Can anyone tell me whether the insurance on it would be super high or give me an average number for insurance? Would it be cheaper on a smaller car? thanks .xx

Tip cheap car insurance for one month only

Tip cheap car insurance for one month only

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/harleigh-pennsylvania-cheap-car-insurance-quotes-zip-18225-church/"

[autisticbobsaginowskiredux]

Don’t Let Us Get Sick

“So Mr. Magliacci,” Valencia said, laying the photos down on her desk, “I feel like you should know, most of my experience is with insurance investigations, unfaithful partners, things of that nature. Pretty much all of it, if I’m being honest.”

“And?” said Mr. Magliacci, who had close-cropped battleship-gray hair and the bullet shape common to middle-aged men who were muscular in their youth. “Is that a no?”

“No, no, no, not at all,” Valencia said, sitting forward in her chair. “Point I’m making, Mr. Magliacci, is this: by and large, people who hire me expect to turn up things they won’t like. More to the point, they’re sending me after people they’re prepared not to like. You seem like you love your daughter a lot, like you’re concerned about her.”

“Fuckin’ A.”

“So I just wonder if you feel like my area of expertise will lead me to investigate this in a way you didn’t necessarily emotionally prepare for.”

“Jesus Christ,” Mr. Magliacci said. “Whadya, tie ’em up and beat a confession out of them?”

“Of course not.”

“Then cut the bullshit. My God.”

“Just covering the bases. Tell me what you need. Specifically.”

Mr. Magliacci hugged himself and scratched his right forearm. “So Ms. Valdez, my little girl, Angie, she’s 20, sophomore at Columbia, first in the family.” He said it faux-conversationally, trying to make it sound like something other than a brag. It was the verbal equivalent of Bugs Bunny disguised as a woman: ridiculously obvious, but it still worked on some level. “And, like, I ain’t blind. I know my little girl. And I see her on parents weekend and I meet this friend of hers, black girl, and, like, she’s a friend of hers, you understand?”

Valencia nodded, trying to propel this wherever it was going.

“And, like, I’m pretty old-school, most people would say. She’d definitely say. But that’s still my little girl and I’m not one of these pricks who’s gonna throw a fit over that. But I never told her I knew, and I can’t really explain why. Maybe she knows I know, who knows. Anyway, I still read the blotter, which is goofy, I know, but about a week ago, somebody killed this girl, this friend of my Angie’s. Had her picture and everything. Looks like someone took her wallet and when there were only credit cards in there, they got pissed off, shot her.”

Valencia nodded again, hoping to God Mr. Magliacci didn’t have her confused with a bounty hunter or a button woman but also not wishing to interrupt the kind of man who goes looking for one.

“Now, ever since, Angie’s been acting strange. Which, obviously, that’s kinda to be expected, but I mean a different kind of strange. I tried to visit her on campus a couple times, as a surprise, you know, but everyone on her hall said she was gone. Like, with a friend. That’s what they said, a friend. And the other night, I pulled up across the street from her dorm, I see her get into this car I never seen before, but I know this type of car, right? Pulled over a hundred like it back in the day.”

“You think your daughter’s on drugs.”

Magliacci sighed and his entire upper body shuddered forward. “Yeah, that’s about the size of it. I’m not good at intervention shit and I want her to feel like she can talk to me about her friend, but if she feels like I’m coming at her, she might close up, you know?”

“Right, sure. So what is it you want me to do? Just find out whether she is?”

Mr. Magliacci shook his head. “A little more than that. I want you to get the guy away from her. I don’t need to know how and I don’t care.”

“You don’t think she’d find another dealer?”

“She probably would. But it gives me a window when I’d feel better about talking to her.”

Valencia looked back at the pictures Mr. Magliacci had brought. Angie was a chubby dark-haired girl with a heart-shaped face and husky-blue eyes. “Tell me a little more about her. She have a job?”

“She’s a part-time production assistant at NBC. They’re pretty reasonable about her class schedule, so she’s there around 6 to 11 Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.”

“Okay. Anything else I need to know?”

Mr. Magliacci looked hesitant. “She’s, you know, she’s got autism, we’re pretty sure.”

“Pretty sure?”

“I mean, we got her diagnosed when she was eight, I was just never convinced. You know, she talks normally, she finished school and all that shit.”

Valencia raised an eyebrow. “Well, it’s, you know, it’s a spectrum, man.”

“So they say.” Mr. Magliacci shifted in his chair. “I’m just a cop from Bensonhurst, the fuck do I know?”

Valencia Valdez was youngish, photogenic and had never been a cop, all of which were fairly unusual for a private detective. This made her closer to people’s image of a TV detective than most of the competition, which was good for business. It gave her an advantage when her clients were cops, oddly enough; they allowed themselves vulnerability they wouldn’t when they felt like they had a bullshit tribal façade to maintain. Magliacci likely wouldn’t have told another cop Angie was autistic.

Along with the photos, Magliacci had included the clipping from the police blotter about Sophia, Angie’s girlfriend. As luck would have it (for a given value of “luck”), Sophia had been killed about three blocks from campus, close enough that an alert had gone out to all the students. Valencia put on his reading glasses and combed his undercut into something more befitting a bureaucrat as best he could. In a couple of Magliacci’s photos, Angie was with friends; he was able to identify one, Katrina Something.

Valencia was able to enhance the photo to pick out a uniform shirt under Katrina’s windbreaker; she cross-referenced it with a Yelp search and determined she was a waitress at the Side Door, a local restaurant that wasn’t owned by the university but whose clientele was overwhelmingly students (locals, as is often the case with such places, regarded it in a manner reminiscent of Romanian villagers discussing Castle Dracula).

Valencia called the restaurant and asked if Katrina was available; the manager said she’d be in at six that evening. Valencia thanked him and staked out the place from across the street at five, making sure to queue up albums she didn’t mind listening to in their entirety, like Nick Cave’s “Murder Ballads” and Florence & the Machine’s “Ceremonials,” on her phone.

Katrina got off around 9. Valencia crossed the street and called her name. She turned and looked confused but not worried.

“Hey, Katrina,” Valencia said, jogging up to her. “You’re a, you’re friends with Angela Magliacci, aren’t you?”

“Sure. Can I help you?”

“My name’s Katy Carr, I’m a grief counselor. Now, I don’t know if she ever told you this, but Angela’s mother was murdered in a robbery gone wrong several years ago.” (This was true.)

“I did, actually.”

“Right, okay. So the, ah, the shooting, near campus, recently, there’s concerns, sometimes, when something like that happens, it’ll trigger sort of a downturn, emotionally, for someone who’s had that kind of thing affect their lives before, so I’m just trying to find out if Angela seems like she’s been acting… odd, at all, since it happened.”

Katrina tilted her head and narrowed her eyes. “The university has a nondiscrimination policy,” she said. “You know that, right?”

“Of course. What’s that…”

“So if you’re trying to ferret out queer girls, that’s illegal.”

“It’s nothing like that. Are you saying they knew each other?”

“Soph was Angie’s girlfriend, yeah.”

This was good to know. Magliacci’s intuition being right meant a lot of the rest of what he’d said was likely accurate. “So back to my question, how’s Angela taking it?”

Katrina pursed her lips. “It’s complicated.”

“How do you mean?”

“Angie’s not a repressed person. She lets you know when she’s happy, when she’s sad, when she’s angry, all of it. But ever since Sophia died, it seems like she gets tenser and tenser over the course of the day. Her suitemate, Carol? Apparently the first few nights, right around 10, she said Angie had some kind of attack.”

“Attack?”

“Like, almost like a panic attack. She sounded like she was trying to keep it down, you know, repress it? You know how if you’re crying and trying to stop all at the same time?”

“Sure.”

“Yeah, that was how Angie was the first few nights. And we’d just been out that evening and she seemed fine.”

“So you said the first few nights. It’s been about a week and a half. Did something change?”

“She hasn’t been in the last few nights. At least not when most of us go to bed.”

“Why do you think that is?”

“Honestly?” Katrina dropped her voice a little. “I think she’s on the rebound. Which I totally get, no judgment, you do what you have to do for yourself, I just at the same time get why she’d want to be discreet about it too.”

“What makes you think that? Just her absence?”

“No, I’ve seen him. Artsy-looking white boy, older. Maybe like 30. Drives a Caddy, looks like a douchebag. We have an evening class Tuesday and Thursday and normally after it lets out we’ll go have a drink or chill in the commons but the past few nights she’s said she’s got something to take care of and I saw this guy pick her up.”

“And around when is that?”

“Class lets out at 9:40.”

Valencia pulled a campus map out of her coat. “I haven’t worked on campus long; can you show me around where she meets him?”

Katrina pointed to an intersection on the map. Valencia thanked her and headed back to her car.

It was Wednesday. The next night, Valencia put on her black turtleneck and leather jacket and put her gun against the small of her back before driving to the spot Katrina had said was the rendezvous point. As was her habit, she was early, which was a terrible strategy for keeping one’s nerves steady.

The Cadillac slid into the intersection around 9:30. Not long after, Angie advanced down the sidewalk and opened the door. She had a weird, purposeful stride in her step, with none of the trepidation Valencia would have expected from someone making a drug buy. The driver, a skinny dark-haired guy with a goatee wearing a scarf over a cardigan over a t-shirt, did indeed look like a douchebag.

Valencia was lucky she had filled her tank that morning; Cadillac Douche drove all the way to Brooklyn, parking out front of a small storefront in Greenpoint. After they got out and walked in, Valencia waited a second before getting up and following. The door, as she’d anticipated, was locked, but she was able to jimmy it open with the slim jim in her pocket.

The lights were dim inside the building; as Valencia’s eyes adjusted, she realized it was the waiting area of a recording studio. There was no one in the live room but she could make out the outlines of Angie and Cadillac Douche in the control room. She slowly approached the door, keeping out of what, as far as he could tell, was their line of sight. She put her ear to the door.

“…five hundred,” Valencia heard the guy say.

“That wasn’t what we discussed.”

“That wasn’t what we discussed on Tuesday. It’s a pain in the ass getting this shit.”

“It’s not shit.” There was a ragged, primal edge in Angie’s voice, but it wasn’t that of a junkie; it was something else Valencia couldn’t put his finger on.

“Let me hear it.”

“Money first.”

“Don’t be a prick, Brett. I don’t have that much on me anyway. I’ll give you the balance next time.”

“Sure you will.”

“Have I ever stiffed you?”

“I don’t work on credit, little girl.”

There was a pause, followed by a deep, shuddering sigh, and Valencia felt like she’d caught a whiff of the barely-repressed panic Katrina had described.

“Take me back to campus, then. I’ll… I’ll deal with it.”

“Okay, let’s not go nuts. There are ways you can pay me upfront.”

“What? What do you want, my phone? I need it.”

Brett sighed. “Jesus Christ, you can be dense, you know that? Do I have to spell everything out?”

“In my case, probably.”

“Fuck’s sake. Okay, I will. You want this without paying me 500, suck me off.”

There was another silence, this one unpunctuated.

“You are fucking disgusting,” Angie said at last.

“That’s a nice way to talk to your ride home.”

“I’m not riding home with you. I’ll get a cab, something. Let me out.”

“Whoa whoa whoa.” Valencia heard the squeaking of Brett standing up in a leather chair. “Let’s… sweetie, I gotta tell you, you really don’t hold the cards you think you do.”

Valencia threw open the door, flicked on the light and held her gun on Brett. “Get away from her,” he said.

“Hold on, who the fuck are you?”

“I’m not Porky Pig, so I know for a fuckin’ fact I didn’t stutter. Stop blocking her path, creep.”

Brett stepped back, shooting Valencia the sullen expression of a child told he couldn’t ride his bicycle on the roof.

Valencia kept her gun on Brett and shifted his gaze to Angie, who was remarkably composed, from the looks of it. “And Angie, I need you to tell me what’s going on. What are you buying from Fucko McScarfneck over here?”

Angie sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “Show him, Brett.”

Brett, still wearing that look, took a CD out of his cardigan and put it in the stereo. It began to play and an unaccompanied voice, a gorgeous, velvety one, sounding like a young Etta James, unspooled throughout the room and Valencia knew she was listening to the late Sophia.

“Don’t let us get sick, Don’t let us get old, Don’t let us get stupid, alright? Just make us be brave, And make us play nice, And let us be together tonight.”

“Sophia was trying to record an album here with Brett,” Angie explained. “Right up until she died, she was recording it. I was the one who told her she should record it because…” her voice caught for a second. “..because after we started to get serious, she’d sing to me over the phone every night after I got home from my evening class. Did my father tell you I’m on the spectrum?”

Valencia nodded.

“I have my routines. I need them. After Sophia died, I cried for nearly a full day, and once I was done, I realized I couldn’t sleep without her voice. I tried, God, did I try. After the first week, I reached out to Brett; I met him briefly when Sophia started recording. He was going to trash what she’d recorded but I told him how much I needed it, which, clearly, was a mistake. This is what men do, you know. They take advantage. Please tell my dad I’m sorry if I worried him.”

Valencia looked back over at Brett. “Hey, Brett,” she said, “just so you’re aware, Miss Magliacci’s father is a cop. Did you know that, Brett?”

“No.”

“Okay, well, now you do. And what’s going to happen is, you’re going to give her everything Sophia recorded with you — everything, understand — or her dad the cop hears what you tried to do, but before that happens I’m going to beat the shit out of you and glue that gross weak-chin-concealing goatee to your dick. You got all that?”

Brett nodded.

“Go get it. Darse prisa, dipshit.”

Brett kicked aside a cardboard box on the floor and opened a combination safe set in the wall. There were several jewel cases inside, each with an unlabeled CD. He roughly handed them all to Valencia.

“Don’t give them to me, asshole, give them to her.”

Brett, rolling his eyes before he could stop himself, handed them to Angie.

“Angela, are you okay with me giving you a ride home?” Valencia asked, the gun still on Brett.

“Sure,” Angie said. “Thanks for asking.”

Angie didn’t say much as they drove. It was a beautiful, clear night; a stiff breeze was lingering from February but spring was still in the air, the warmth of newness palpable in the spaces between.

“You gonna be okay, Angela?” Valencia said as they crossed the Williamsburg Bridge.

Angie looked up as though she’d forgotten she was there. “I think so,” she said. “It feels different than with Ma. I… I miss them both so much, you understand, but Sophia and I, we were both new at this. I’m not trying to sound callous, but I have to deal with this on two levels: I miss Sophia the person but I also have the disruption in the way things are to deal with. And that second one is easier than it was with Ma, because we were just getting serious. The singing will keep me steady on my feet until I’m ready to really think about her being gone. Does that make any sense?”

“Oh, no, yeah, perfect sense.”

“Are you just saying this? I’ve never lost someone like Sophia. I have no idea how much of a heartless bitch I’m being.”

“Angela,” Valencia said, “I promise you, you are no kind of heartless bitch. Anyone would be lucky to have you.”

“Thank you. What are you going to tell my father?”

“He wanted to know if you were on drugs, and I’m going to tell him you’re not.”

“What if he wants specifics?”

“I don’t think he will. He’s not a guy who understands everything, but he understands what he doesn’t understand, you know?”

“That’s true. Thank you.”

Valencia pulled up to the spot where Brett had picked up Angie and handed her her card. “You ever get in any kind of trouble, let me know, okay?”

“Actually, Ms…” she glanced at the card. “…Valdez, I have a request. I hope it’s not too strange.”

“Shoot.”

“Does this car have a CD player? I can’t tell by sight.”

“It does.”

“Can we play the rest of that song? It’s a bit late. I don’t want to wake anyone.”

“Sure.”

Angie put the CD in the player and hit the skip button a couple of times, and that ethereal voice filled the car.

“The moon has a face, and it smiles on the lake, And causes the ripples in time. I’m lucky to be here with someone I like, Who maketh my spirit to shine. Don’t let us get sick, Don’t let us get old, Don’t let us get stupid, alright? Just make us be brave,  And make us play nice, And let us be together tonight.”

[kyloxfem]

Plan Your Lifestyle, Then Business

The jobs we do, the business we have, and where we live all affect the quality of life. I honestly believe it to build a successful business you need to envision the lifestyle you would like to have first. By way of instance, it doesn't make sense for me to begin a fishing business once I hate fish. Irrespective of how much money I make, I will despise every second of the procedure. Wealth isn't just measured in terms of cash but the fullness of life we enjoy because of this. Lifestyle design or lifestyle entrepreneurship is designing your business around the lifestyle you desire. Lifestyle design is something that became important to me when I had my first kid. 

I knew I didn't need to spend hours working out of my kids but at the exact same time I had to provide for them. I was determined my kids weren't going to invest hundreds of hours in daycare and because of this I negotiated with my boss to design my own job in this way where I could spend quality time with my baby. Despite the fact that I didn't have a formal terminology for it then I never based my choice on taking a work based on money alone. The job had to be flexible enough to give me the lifestyle I wanted. I wasn't reluctant to eliminate all of the conventional norms of starting a business and building a business that will afford me the lifestyle I love. 

I've been really blessed all through this procedure. Arranging a lifestyle business Primarily - specific and measurable Objectives If you throw up a cent, it is going to come down: One fact we can't escape is that we will probably end up in the direction we're heading. We can't fulfill the goals we set for ourselves unless we aim for them. So in case you wish to design a business that accommodates your preferred lifestyle, you must become very specific. To put it differently, you require specific and measurable targets. As an example, as opposed to saying,"I wish to drop weight" state"I need to lose 10 lbs in 3 weeks". 

Having specific and quantifiable goals can interpret in any part of life. If your lifestyle purpose is to spend your winters someplace warm then you want to incorporate that taste in your business. You Will Have to consider a way to structure your business where: You earn enough money to pay for the lifestyle Your business is mobile/ flexible enough where leaving your permanent residence for a complete season won't disrupt cash flow. If you don't take your preferences into account, what ends up happening is that you develop a business you learn how to hate and you end up stuck at a hamsters wheel. 

Arranging a lifestyle business is less complex than people make it. Second, identify what you need to understand and learn In the event of losing 10 lbs in 3 weeks, you would have to learn how to lose 10 lbs in 3 months. When you have clear specific objectives, then understanding what you will need to know will come really straightforward. Thirdly, write some actionable steps you can take to Begin As soon as you know what you will need to know, you will need to write some actionable steps about the best way best to gather the information you want. 

To lose 10 pounds in 3 weeks, you can do the following: Purchase a book on how to loose 10 pounds in 3 weeks and then do it yourself Research online for a few practical steps on losing 10 pounds in 3 weeks Hire a personal trainer Join a gym Your actionable measures should be composed in this way where it takes you one step farther than you are now. You don't need to learn how to reach the end line but every action should lead one to the next one that eventually takes you to the end line. 

For example if you're totally clueless, you can hire a personal trainer to take you through the process. When you employ an expert, you have the benefit of having someone help you to the finish line faster than you can do by yourself. We often have a mental picture of what we shall like to attain. Finally, ask yourself,"Am I prepared to pay the purchase price? This is a tough question: I hear guys talk about needing a close family, but they are not inclined to put their family ahead of the career or hobbies. Someone says they need to progress in their career, but they are not keen to obtain the education necessary. Achieving success at anything requires a certain degree of sacrifice. 

Some people might want to attain the degree, but they are not willing to invest what's required to get there. Sooner or later you'll have to determine if you're prepared to make the necessary sacrifice. After you determine what's required of you, you want to ask yourself if you're willing to pay the purchase price. Don't start unless you honestly answer this question or you won't ever finish. 

Do not answer this question too fast but spend some time wrestling with this question and be honest to yourself. Should you decide to pay the purchase price, share your goal with a person who can keep you accountable. To achieve anything in life, you will need to do things differently. Insanity is doing the exact same thing over and over again, expecting a different result every time.

Warrior Wisdom - The Warrior Lifestyle

What's the warrior lifestyle? The warrior is a rare individual in the current world. He lives life with another set of values compared with the rest of society. Even people who do share the same values, seldom live a lifestyle that adheres to all those values to the extent that the warrior does. To most people, ethics are situational. They make decisions based on what's best for them, rather than what's right. This is not true with the warrior. 

The warrior values honor, ethics, justice, and his awareness of what's right, above all else. His ethics aren't situational; they are his lifestyle. The warrior lifestyle revolves around a code of ethics that is non-negotiable. The warrior's code of ethics, or code of honor, is taken very seriously. To the warrior, differentiating between right and wrong is of extreme importance. He sees right and wrong concerning black and white. He understands that an action is either honorable or dishonorable. 

This isn't intended to indicate that honor is black and white; honor isn't that simple. People who live the lifestyle of the warrior understand that whether or not an action is honorable, depends upon both one's intentions and the situation at hand. This isn't to be confused with situational ethics. The warrior's integrity does not change based on the circumstance. His activities will alter as needed, but his integrity remains set in stone. There's a large difference between actions and ethics. Ethics determines actions; activities don't determine ethics. 

The warrior lifestyle is concerned with what is right and what is honorable. A warrior's integrity revolves around both of these issues. Justice and honor are foremost on his mind. His thoughts are based on"what's correct," not on other people's views of what's right. He realizes that a lot of people profess a belief in absolutes they live by, nor genuinely believe in, when push comes to shove. The only absolute that the warrior lives by is that of what's right and wrong. If it isn't right, he does not do it. 

He decides what is right and wrong by his strict code of ethics, not some random laws or the politically correct standards of the day. The warrior doesn't seem to be honorable; he's honorable. Sincerity is ingrained in this lifestyle. This is a lifestyle that's supposed to be lived, not fantasized about, or simply discussed. This lifestyle includes much more than being educated in the art of warfare or the art of self-indulgent, but these are an essential part of the life of the warrior. Additionally, it comprises the challenge to perfect one's personality. 

This is a process similar to the Japanese idea of kaizen. Kaizen can be interpreted as a continuous, never-ending improvement. True warriors attempt to use this concept in every area of their life. They attempt to balance and enhance each area - soul, mind, and body, on a daily basis. Each area of your life is important and needs to be kept in equilibrium. Training guys in the art of warfare or at the art of martial arts, without regard to character, just produce a dangerous man; it doesn't produce a warrior. In years past, the martial arts masters wouldn't train someone completely until they felt confident of the individual's character. 

Nowadays many schools will train anyone who can pay, no matter their character or lack of personality. This can be dangerous information to give to any and everybody who comes along. In my opinion, personality should be a necessity, not just for martial arts instruction, but for lots of the privileges which we enjoy in this nation. I'm asked frequently whether or not I think that the term"warrior" should apply only to military women and men who've been in war or to educated and experienced fighters. 

Although I realize that is the literal definition of a warrior, I don't believe this is the right definition, not based on the numerous accounts from previous warriors anyway. This literal definition of a warrior isn't the definition that's used for our discussion of the warrior lifestyle in Warrior Wisdom. An ape can be trained to throw punches and kick, a puppy could be trained to fight, but it does not make either of them warriors. Being a warrior entails more than being trained to fight or being in the army; it entails character training also. Character training is the real objective of Bushido, the way of the warrior. 

Please do not misunderstand me have great respect for our military women and men. But I feel that everyone who has ever served in the military will agree that not every soldier lives by the personality traits that are essential for the warrior lifestyle, any more than every martial artist or each individual in overall lives by these criteria. I am not taking anything away from people who serve our nation. Every person who serves our nation deserves our respect and gratitude, but support does not necessarily indicate that a man is concerned with perfecting their character. 

It's uncommon to find individuals who take their integrity seriously today. It's not uncommon to find people who claim to take their integrity seriously, but I am referring to people who walk into the walk, not just"talk the talk." Yes, the warrior is worried about physical training and martial arts, but he also understands that personality training is the cornerstone of the warrior lifestyle. The true warrior ought to be trained in martial arts. His integrity requires that he be prepared to defend his family, friends, or himself in certain circumstances. 

In the world today, you don't know when you might need to use your martial arts skills. It's very important that you have this training to be self-reliant as secure as possible, but with no code of ethics, which relies on a profound comprehension of right and wrong, there's absolutely not any warrior; there's just someone trained to fight. 

[earnxmoney-blog]

Realistic Ways To Make Money Online!

Learning How To Make Money.The Definitive Earn X Money Guide To Earning Money While You’re On The Learning How To Make Money Online.

How to earn money online | Legit Ways To Make Money

SurveysCompleting surveys is not just about responding to a set of questions all day long. Sites like Swagbucks also pay you to watch videos, donate to charity, and try consumer products.

If you enjoy it, you can also make some extra cash by referring a friend! Keep in mind that you won’t become a millionaire by simply completing surveys, but it is a fun way to make money when you find some downtime.

In just a couple of minutes of free time, I made $5, for which I used towards buying some classroom decorations. It was totally easy and painless!

FreelancingIf you have a talent or passion that can be monetized outside your regular job, sites like upwork.com pay for your services.

How To Make Money

Create a websiteA website can be a launching pad for a career. If you enjoy creating, writing, sharing knowledge about a field of interest, or building a community of like-minded people, a website can increase your reach for people around the world.

You can develop virtual storage and center of your favorite tips or products for other people like yourself. Start with these four easy steps!

A blog like this one can be a hobby that pays and even a realistic investment. We need more people to share their passions by providing trustworthy and down to earth insight.

A website can also be a living and breathing resume and a tool to keep you accountable towards your goals and aspirations. There are a ton of people on the internet ready to help you and walk with you!

Affiliate ProgramsOnce you create your website, affiliate programs can help you monetize your website.

This is by far my favorite way to make money online. You can find products you use or have used in the past, and if you are satisfied with their services, you can recommend it to others and make money for the referral.

There are a few dangers with affiliate marketing, it can be tempting to apply and become an affiliate with multiple companies just because you’re after the money.

Just keep in mind that in order to keep your audience’s trust, you must not become greedy, or let go of your values, and lose sight of the mission of your blog or website.

How To Make Money

Sell your old electronicsDo you own a 10-year-old phone, a game console or computer that you haven’t used since you were in high school? BuyBackWorld will pay you to sell your unused electronics.

And you can do this from the comfort of your home, without having to talk to anyone. All you need is an address and they will ship you all the supplies to mail your electronics.

Publish an EbookWith Amazon KDP, it’s never been easier to publish an ebook. All you need to do is write the ebook, format it, create an ebook cover, publish, and promote it. Back in 2013, I created several ebooks on Amazon (took all but one down) and even though it didn’t make me rich, I still make some money from it.

You can choose to hire a writer for your ebook, a graphic designer to design the cover, or a freelancer to format the ebook for you to help minimize the work you need to put into it. It’s best if you focus on keywords based on popular searches on Amazon. I often used Keyword Tool, which allows you to find the words people use while searching so you can craft your title around it.

To make money online selling ebooks, you can market it a number of ways. You can give away your ebook for free for a few days. This helps you rank high in search results for a few days and get some reviews which helps you rank better for paid listings. Plus, I like to create custom graphics on Pinterest that match the “Pinterest style” rather than just placing the ebook cover as a pin. This has helped me get some clicks to my ebook from Pinterest.

How To Make Money

Start a BlogBlogging is one of the oldest methods for making money online. People who love writing tend to start blogs with a niche focus. For example, a blog about procrastination, cars, dropshipping, toys, etc., is often a narrow enough focus so you can build a loyal following, but big enough that you can cover a lot of ground.

You can start a blog on a number of platforms, from Shopify (remove the checkout feature so you don’t have to pay a subscription as you build it out) to WordPress. When you start your blog, focus on very specific keywords on a tight focus, and continue to expand into other but relevant categories as you grow and dominate new spaces. This will allow you to build a massive blog over time.

There are several ways to make money blogging. You can add affiliate links in your posts (don’t forget a disclaimer). You can monetize with AdSense by placing ads strategically on your website. Sponsored posts can help you make money from specific brands – this is popular among review bloggers. Bloggers can also sell digital or physical products on their website either (hint: you can add Oberlo products to your website). You can also use it to build authority so that you can eventually get speaking gigs, television deals, or big contracts from clients.

Consider FreelancingThe easiest way to make money online is to take your current job at your 9 to 5 job and do it online instead. For example, if you’re a writer, administrative assistant, graphic designer, teacher, developer, etc., you can take those same skills and find clients online who are looking for it.

There’s a never-ending list of websites for each sector of freelance jobs too. For example, freelance writers can apply for jobs on specific online writing job boards, but also general freelance websites like Fiverr, Freelancer, Upwork, and all the others.

If you find that your job doesn’t have a direct online money-making stream of income, you can look for other transferable skills you may have. To make money online as a freelancer, you need to start by building out a strong portfolio. That may mean doing some free work with some reputable mid-tier brands to start. Once you gain a strong portfolio, you can start reaching out to potential big clients to earn more money online. Remember, freelancing is a numbers game: the more personalized emails and applications you fill out, the more likely you are to get a response back.

How To Make Money

Create an AppIf you’re not a developer, you’re probably looking at this money-making idea and feeling a bit stuck. Fortunately, there is a way to have an app made that doesn’t involve any programming skills.

These days, marketers are using freelance platforms to find affordable developers to create apps for them.

When it comes to making money on your app, your best bet will be to add it to Google Play and the App Store. And while it may seem counterintuitive, having a free app can help you make more than a paid app. With a free app, you can add ads or premium features to help you make money. Since the free app will attract a higher volume of people, it’ll be easier for you to upsell them.

Become a WriterWith a growing interest in content marketing, more brands are looking for great writers to create content. The secret to succeeding as a writer is to be an expert in a niche. A lot of writers try to be generalists, writing for a wide range of categories from food to tech. However, having a niche focus as a writer allows you to write better content. When you have experience in the niche, you can offer a different perspective to a piece of content. That means you’re not just saying the same thing as every other article online.

Drive Your CarIf you own a car, you can make some spare cash as an Uber driver or delivery person. If you don’t own a car, you can still be a delivery person using your bicycle or moped. Uber drivers looking to make even more money off their car can turn their car into an advertisement using Free Car Media. Your car will be wrapped with a removable vinyl decal. There have also been cases of Uber drivers selling products in their car. As a driver, you’ll often times start talking about what you and your passenger do for a living.

Sell Your Photographyhow to make money with photography whether you’re a professional photographer or just love snapping great pictures, you can monetize your photography a number of ways. You can make money fast by posting your photography services in local Facebook groups for your community.

If you’re looking for more photography clients, you can use a site like Scoopshot. However, if you’re looking to monetize your phone photography you can use Foap. Learn more product photography tips to help you start making money with photography.

Realistic Ways To Make Money Online!

How To Make Money

Sell Your Clothes OnlineMost people have more clothes in their closet than they ever wear. You likely have items you haven’t worn in the past year that you never have any intention of wearing ever again. Whether you sell your clothes, handbags, or shoes there are quite a few websites that allow you to sell your used fashion items. Poshmark, Refashioner, TheRealReal, ThredUp and Tradesy are a few of the online sites where you can sell your used apparel.

You could make money online by selling on several different platforms. If you’re looking to sell items in person, you can use Facebook buy and sell groups in your community to find people online and sell the items in person. I’ve personally sold in these groups before

Social media

As hard as it may seem to believe, you can actually make money from social networking platforms likeFacebook, Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat. Various people and groups have taken the social media route to make not only money but gain celebrity-like status. To begin with, you can choose one social media platform and then gradually expand to other relevant networks once you gain popularity.

After you establish yourself, gaining both reach and popularity on the social networks, you can make money through sponsored posts. All you have to find is your niche and populate your profile with relevant posts. Remember, social media needs dedicated time and energy to stay relevant. Hence, you need to share posts regularly and interact with your followers on a regular basis.

How To Make Money

Freelancing

Freelancing is another way to earn money online.Finding freelance work is easy if you have good skillset. Internet has a plethora of options for freelancers. There are a large number of websites dedicated to small freelance tasks available for people with varying skills. You can earn anywhere between $5 and $100 through these websites. All you need to do is to create your account, browse through the listings and apply for the task that suits you. Some websites may even require you to create a personal listing with the details of your skillset, so that interested clients can contact you directly. Outfiverr.com, upwork.com,freelancer.com, and worknhire.com are some websites that provide freelance jobs.

But remembering, you will only be paid once you complete your task and it has been approved by your client. This may even mean revising the work several times unless the requirements of your clients are not met. For freelancing, you may also require to create a Paypal account as most clients prefer to make payments through it.

Start a blog

Blogging as a career option has slowly picked up pace in India. There are a number of full-time bloggers in the country who are minting millions only through blogging.

There are two ways to start a blog: you can either create a blog through WordPress or Tumblr, which requires no investment, or go for a self-hosted blog. In case of the latter, you will need to soend money on domain name and server hosting space that can cost you between Rs 3,000-Rs 5,000 a year. Self-hosted blogs have an added advantage that it allows you to customise elements and functionality of your website. In case of the former, you need to make peace with the tools and plug-ins made available by the service provider.

But remember, earning through blogging may also take you a lot of time and effort. It may take you a year’s time to actually earn through blogging.

YouTube has also gained popularity in India and has become a major source of earnings for many people. For making a fortune through YouTube, you need to create your own channel and post content for your subscribers. Remember, posting video on a subject has a better chance at winning subscribers. So you can choose a niche and post videos on that. YouTube works on the same model as the blog: as your channel becomes popular and your subscribers increase, so will your chances at earning money.

As you gain popularity, brands will approach you to talk about their products. You can also collaborate with other YouTubers and make videos.

Realistic Ways To Make Money Online!

How To Make Money From Home.

Learning How To Make Money.

You Can Make Money Online Now.

How to make money online.

How to make money online for beginners…

Learning How To Make Money.The Definitive Earn X Money Guide To Earning Money While You’re On The Learning How To Make Money Online.

[juxtaposed-roses]

2L OCI Advice

What’s up lawblrs?

So with OCI season for 2Ls in full swing, I figured I’d throw out some advice that may help those of you firm-hunting avoid some of the anxiety, panic, and general negativity that I endured during my OCI stint. 

First off, I’ll say that I was not an ideal big-firm candidate. I went to USC, which is rankings-wise a fantastic school, but 1L was not kind to my GPA. For the first time in my life, my GPA did not start with a 3. I spent the summer after 1L externing for a federal judge and wondering whether it was worth even going back to law school with such an uphill battle ahead. My academic advisor even told me to treat OCI as a series of ‘practice interviews’ since, in his opinion, I didn’t have a shot in hell at a big-firm offer. 

Well, I’m living proof that his advice was wrong. 

My tips will likely be most helpful for those of you that didn’t ace the first slew of law courses thrown at you, but really they apply to anyone. 

If you are sitting pretty with high 1L grades, congratulations! Seriously! My advice to you is to not let your grades go to your head. I watched with dismay as many of my friends in the top 10% got dozens of interviews, tons of callbacks, but at the end of all the wining and dining had no offers. It’s not a coincidence. From my experience, firms are looking for confident but not arrogant. They want personable but not too chatty. And most of all, they want someone who has a vision for their future legal career, but is also humble enough to admit that they don’t have it all figured out yet and are open to trying new things. 

OCI Interview Tips

1. RESEARCH.

This is the easiest and for some reason the most under-utilized resource. Look, these interviewers are seeing hundreds of law students. You have to stand out from the pack. One easy way to do this is to know the firms. Cold. 

I spent hours researching the 11 firms that I got interviews with. I knew where their offices were, what types of law they practiced, whether or not they collaborated across offices, how their partnership schemes worked. There is no substitute for research and preparation. 

When conducting your research, I’d suggest making a file of sorts for each firm. Note the differences between them. The big firms have so many commonalities, but the differences are key. Come up with very specific and targeted questions for each firm, that show them you spent the time researching. Once you have the information, you need to make it work for you. 

I tried to make connections between my resume and the firm’s practices. It paid off. At the start of the interview, I saw the eyes of each interviewer scan my resume for my GPA, and finding 2.98, I saw many an eye glaze over. But once I showed off my meticulous research, I gained back their attention. Once I connected that research to the skills and activities demonstrated by my resume I saw many interviewers pick up my resume again for a second look. And once I laid out how my career vision fit with their firm and its culture, I went from the recycle bin to the ‘maybe’ pile. 

I cannot stress the importance of preparation enough. There’s a lot of talk out there that the big firms have GPA floors. For a few, that might be the case. But, while there may be guidelines in place, if you make an impression despite your grades, they CAN and WILL bend the rules if they think it will benefit them long-term. So what if you got an offer because you’re an exception to the rule? Point is, you got the offer!

2. Hobbies

For most situations, the ‘hobbies’ section of your resume is a total throw-away. It’s usually the first thing people delete when more room is needed. In OCI-land, the ‘hobbies’ line is crucial. I wish someone had told me this before my interviews. I happen to have eclectic interests, so my hobbies line included DJ’ing, French cooking, and studying Mandarin. I cannot tell you how much these three activities were brought up in conversation. I spent all 20 minutes in my Gibson interview discussing my latest deep-house mix. I recalled tales of my summer in Beijing, speaking Mandarin to shopkeepers. My point here is this: interviewers are people too. They are people that have to sit in a stuffy hotel or conference room all day listening to law students talk about themselves. The more interesting you can make that conversation, the better your chances of being memorable. 

Now, there is one cautionary bit: make sure whatever you write down is real. You can’t list ‘Russian literature’ as a hobby if you don’t actually read Russian literature. Believe me, they will ask questions about whatever you write in that section, so make sure they are hobbies you can talk about with enthusiasm! Avoid hobbies like ‘running’, ‘cooking’, or ‘music’. Be more specific. Take the time to buff up you hobbies section, and reap the rewards come interview time. Sure, firms are searching for legal talent. But they also don’t want robots! Show off your personality!

3. Questions about Grades

I think my biggest fear going into OCI was that I was going to have to defend my low grades to all the interviewers. I spent days trying to come up with answers to a question I didn’t have the slightest clue how to answer. I had taken my studies seriously. I went to class, read all of those horrid casebooks, outlined, made charts. I worked harder during 1L than I had in all my years of academia combined. So why didn’t my grades reflect that? FUCK IF I KNOW!

So I prepared some bullshit excuse about essay exam strategy and my general inability to excel on multiple choice tests, and I had it locked and loaded. 

But, to my surprise, not one interviewer asked about my grades. Not one! I couldn’t believe it. But looking back on it, it makes perfect sense. The number on your resume is the past. There’s nothing to be gained by asking about it in an interview, it’s a waste of time. Because those interviewers know that law school grades are ambiguous at best, and while they’ll take note of what your GPA is, it really doesn’t carry the day. Every firm has hired students in the top 10% that have proven to be disappointing associates. Every firm has also hired students with dismal 1L grades who turn out to be fantastic lawyers. So if you give them enough reason to suspect that your grades are not an accurate reflection of your skills, you may tip the scales in your favor!

4. More Research

Let’s say you’ve made it through the interviews and you’ve managed to get a callback. Against all odds, I got two callbacks with big firms. Callbacks are the real interview. Depending on the firm, you may be scheduled alone or with a group of other hopefuls. Again, your aim is to stand out from everyone else. How do you do that with low grades? RESEARCH!

You will be given a list of all the people at the firm that you will be sitting down with during the callback. Many people scan that list and never look at it again until the day of. DO NOT BE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE. 

At the very least, you need to go onto the firm’s website and look up each name, read the bios, and as a bonus, begin to place names with faces. But to really use this information to your advantage, I would suggest finding conversation starters in those firm bios. It’s a lot easier to drum up a natural conversation with an old white guy if you know you both like a certain sport’s team or went to the same undergrad. Honestly, I think that knowing names and remembering things about each of the associates and partners I met on my callbacks was my key to success. Why? Because people want to work with people they like. And people tend to like people that show a genuine interest in them and are easy to talk to. Be that person! 

Aside from researching the people on that list, you should also know some basic information about the founding partners of the firm and managing partners of the office you are interviewing for. Even if those people are not on the list of interviewers. Why? Because partners will drop in sometimes if they have a free minute and know that a callback is going on that day. This happened to me during my Bryan Cave callback. The managing partner of the office popped his head into one of my scheduled interviews just to say hello. I had done my research so I knew his name and that he practiced employment law. We ended up chatting about that area of law for 15 minutes, because I was taking a labor arbitration course and seemed interested in what he had to say. You can’t BUY that type of Facetime! Had I not researched, that encounter might have been a quick ‘hello’ and I might never have gotten an offer. 

But I did do my research, and that, coupled with a bit of luck, landed me a summer offer. Which led to the best summer associateship I could have ever asked for, and in the end, an offer for an associate position after graduation. 

I’m not saying that conquering OCI with low 1L grades is any picnic in the park. It sucks. And many firms that I really liked tossed my resume in the garbage bin after looking at my GPA. That was tough. But there were a few firms that saw past the number and were willing to take a chance on me. And I’m happy to report that sometimes a chance is all you need. 

GOOD LUCK 2Ls! You’ve got this!

[douchebagbrainwaves]

I'VE BEEN PONDERING ADVANTAGE

Today a lot of people who get rich by creating wealth, which is the satisfaction of people's desires. Another possibility would be to let that opportunity slip. Hence a vicious for the losers cycle: VC firms that have been doing badly will only get the deals the bigger fish have rejected, causing them to continue to do so but be content to work for a long time. One of the most powerful forces in history. In other words, you get anything, but this is the Bambi version; in simplifying the picture, I've also made everyone nicer. When I heard about after the Slashdot article was Bill Yerazunis' CRM114.1 Bulgaria, we could all probably move on to working on something so new that no one else has done before. What's a startup to do? I now believe, is like a pass/fail course for the founders, because they were living in the future.

Plans are just another word for ideas on the shelf. Which is not to run unnecessary utilities that people might use to break into this group.2 Also they find they now worry obsessively about the status of their server.3 A third and quite significant advantage of angel rounds is that they're too much influenced by recipes for wisdom. Computers are so cheap now that you can. Web-based software they are going to get bought for 30, you only have to compete with other local barbers. Things are very different in the early days of microcomputers.

Who made the wealth it represents? Large-scale investors care about their portfolio, not any individual company. In a traditional series A round they often don't. It would be like being an actor or a novelist.4 Actors do. But they usually let the initial meetings stretch out over a couple weeks.5 As one VC told me: If you were talking to four VCs, told three of them that you accepted a term sheet, ask how many of their last 10 term sheets turned into deals.6 Which for founders will result in the perfect combination: funding rounds that close fast, with high valuations.7

During the panel, Guy Steele also made this point, with the idea of versions just doesn't naturally fit onto Web-based applications, everything you associate with startups is taken to an extreme with Web-based applications. It had the same probability,. It's just not reasonable to expect startups to pick an optimal round size in advance, because that means your growth rate is decreasing. There are three main disadvantages: you mix together your business and personal life; they will probably not be as well connected as the big-name VC firm will not screw you too outrageously, because other founders would avoid them if word got out.8 Because of Y Combinator's position at the extreme end of the scale of the successes in the startup world, closing is not what deals do. But more than half the agreed upon price.9 When you can reproduce errors and release changes instantly, you can manufacture them by taking any project usually done by multiple people and trying to do things that might look bad. And software that's released in a series of small changes.

C is pretty low-level, but it looks like they're merely floating downstream. But what if your manager was hit by a bus?10 In the past, but users won't hear about them anymore. The most naive version of which is the prudent choice. If you're already profitable, on however small a scale, it costs nothing to fix.11 Since demo day occurs after 10 weeks, the company is default alive or default dead may save you from the building burning down. But by the time most people hear about it. Half the founders I talk to a startup.

With respect to the continuance of friendships. It would be nice to be able to find statistical differences between these and my real mail.12 Who would rely on such a test? He got a 4x liquidation preference. In a company founded by two people, 10% of the total or $10,000, whichever is greater. I asked him if he could get all the attention, when hardly any of them can succeed is if they all do. Before Durer tried making engravings, no one would have any doubt that the fan was causing the noise.

And once you've written the software, our Web server, using the state of your brain at that time.13 If server-based software will make new languages fashionable again. As word spreads that startups work, the number may grow to a point that would now seem surprising. Tokens that occur within the To, From, Subject, and Return-Path lines, or within urls, get marked accordingly.14 Another way to fund a startup is like being an administrator.15 And so you didn't get a lot of what looks like work. Except you judge intelligence at its best and character at its worst.16 The most obvious advantage of not needing money is that you can get at least someone to pay you significant amounts, the money is there, waiting to be invested. The advantage of raising money from them. And yet the trend in nearly everything written about the subject is to do the opposite: to squash together all the aspects of it that are most measurable.

In the long term. So if you want to isolate from your developers as much as a checkout clerk because he is one more user helping to make your software very efficient you can undersell competitors and still make a profit. Technology gives the best programmers of any public technology company. One thing we'll need is support for the new way that server-based.17 As long as VCs were writing checks, founders were never forced to explore the limits of the markets it serves. And that doesn't seem a wise move. A company that grows at 1% a week will in 4 years be making $25 million a month.18 In fact, I'd say investors are the most common type, so being good at solving those is key in achieving a high average may help support high peaks. VCs obviously don't need to: it lets them choose their growth rate. But at the moment when successful startups get money from more than one of the big dogs will notice and take it away. Now the group is looking for more investors, if only to get this one to act.19 For many, the only thing that mattered, and you are very happy because your $50,000 into at a valuation of a million can't take $6 million from VCs at that valuation.

Notes

Prose lets you be more likely to be self-interest explains much of the businesses they work for startups overall. The liking you have good net growth till you run through all the time I did the section of the magazine they'd accepted it for had disappeared. And that is not the shape that matters financially for investors.

I made because the arrival of desktop publishing, given people the shareholders instead of crawling back repentant at the outset which founders will do worse in the sophomore year.

But you can ignore.

Several people have historically been so many people work with me there. Thought experiment: If doctors did the same gestures but without using them to stay in a place to exchange views. Delicious, but in practice that doesn't have users.

But what they're selling and how unbelievably annoying it is not whether it's good enough at obscuring tokens for this at YC. But on the critical question is only half a religious one; there is a bit dishonest, incidentally, because it aggregates data from crashed hard disks. Different kinds of startups is that the VCs I encountered when we created pets.

It doesn't take a long time by sufficiently large numbers of users to recruit manually—is probably 99% cooperation.

If you're good you'll have to assume the worst. Particularly since many causes of the fake. Charles Darwin was 22 when he received an invitation to travel aboard the HMS Beagle as a type II startups won't get you type I startups. Basically, the most common recipe but not in 1950.

One thing that drives most people come to writing essays is to the minimum you need to be doctors? Later you can play it safe by excluding VC firms expect to make money from the 1940s or 50s instead of just Japanese.

And what people actually paid. But knowledge overlaps with wisdom and probably also intelligence. A more powerful, because sometimes artists unconsciously use tricks by imitating art that does.

It's not the original text would in itself be evidence of a company they'd pay a premium for you, what that means having type II startups won't get you a termsheet, particularly if a company, but the problems you have to want to create a silicon valley out of the proposal. Photo by Alex Lewin. But it is to write in a large organization that often creates a situation where they are.

But his world record only lasted 46 days. Statistical Spam Filter Works for Me.

There is always 15 weeks behind the doors that say authorized personnel only. The reason the US is partly a reaction to drugs. Steven Hauser. Needless to say whether the 25 people have seen, so we should, because it was briefly in Britain in the sense that if you needed to read this to be more like Silicon Valley is no different from technology companies between them.

Well, almost.

At two years, it is more of a heuristic for detecting whether you can talk about the Airbnbs during YC. I may try allowing up to two of the next three years, but conversations with other people's. If only one founder is always raising money, then work on open-source but seems to have to do work you love: a to make that leap.

The First Industrial Revolution, Cambridge University Press, 1996. The markets seem to be at the outset which founders will do worse in the 1990s, and that the feature was useless, but the meretriciousness of the Dead was shot there.

Whereas many of the former, and the first philosophers including Confucius and Socrates resemble their actual opinions.

Maybe what you can hire unskilled people to endure hardships, but it seems a bit.

According to Zagat's there are already names for this is the ability of big companies to say they prefer great markets to great people to bust their asses.

It's a strange feeling of being Turing equivalent, but there are no misunderstandings.

Thanks to Eric Raymond, Marc Andreessen, Ed Dumbill, Chris Anderson, Sam Altman, Robert Morris, and Mike Arrington for the lulz.

[historyoftheentireworldigue-blog]

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[pendragonfics]

Caught Me By Surprise

Paring: Bucky Barnes/Reader

Tags: female reader, therapist reader, fluff, bucky-centric, happy ending

Summary: Bucky is having trouble adjusting to the modern times, so, being the great pal Steve is, he recommends him an assistant, who goes by the name of _______.

Word Count: 1,918

Posting Date:  2016-05-20

Current Date: 2017-05-09

When Steve Rogers came to him one rainy afternoon in the upstate New York facility knocking on his door, he had ignored him. Not out of spite, and not on purpose. Bucky Barnes was a man in a shell, a shell which protected him from lashing out like HYDRA had programmed him to do for the last seventy years.

He had expected his best friend to announce a meeting, or dinner being served.

Not that he had hired an assistant for Bucky.

The dark haired super soldier just wanted to break a wall, hearing those words. Assistant. What was he, a middle aged corporate in a tall building and a taller paycheck? Tony Stark had an assistant. That red-head, Pepper.

Bucky didn't need - or want! - someone to tail him. To assist him.

Yet, he held onto those words that day. The man in the memories that came slowly back, painfully, quietly; the memories of 1940's James Buchanan Barnes were not of an irate or grumbling man. He had been kind, and flirtatious - things Bucky didn't really find himself feeling anymore. He attributed his anger to the fact he'd murdered many, many people who didn't deserve it, and that he was just a sour old man in a twenty-nine year old's body.

"Buck?" Steve called through the door. It had been a week since he'd done the similar thing, except now it was nine o'clock in the morning, on the dot. "Remember that assistant I told you about? She's here ... are you coming out to greet her?"

At once, Bucky opened the door. The dark circles under his eyes told a telltale story of his usual sleep patterns mixing with the anxiety of his - assistant. What a title. Couldn't Steve had used a better word to describe this woman? Babysitter. Therapist. Anything was better than 'assistant'.

"C'mon, don't stare, I know I'm a mess," Bucky grumbles. "Is she already here, or do we have to wait outside?"

Steve shook his head, and clapping Bucky's back, began to walk down the way to the main area. "No, she's here. And her name's ______. Don't call her Ma'am or a Dame or doll, and never call her Miss _______ - she hates that."

The ex-Winter Soldier paused. "Wait, you know her?"

The blonde captain nodded. "Yeah, quite well. She helped me adjust into the 21st Century, as you can see." he winked, shoving his hands into his worn jeans. Steve must have been tinkering with his bike again, grease was all over his arms. "I'm sure it's going to be just fine. You're going to love her."

Bucky held onto his chuckle. He hadn't loved much in a long time. Maybe the first thing he had loved since his slow transition to himself was having a warm bed to sleep in every night. But he wasn't sure.

"...yeah, I know Sam! Didn't anyone tell you we were in high school together? Oh my - I bet he never told you he totally rocked the 'fro back in the day?" Bucky's ears caught onto a new voice.

A nice voice. It caught him by surprise.

Turning the corner, and half-hiding behind Steve (which was an easy feat now he became a meatball since the last time he had tried to hide behind Steve), he saw Sam Wilson, Tony Stark, Wanda Maximoff and Thor standing around a girl who seemed short in comparison to their hero-esque heights.

"Mornin' Cap! I see you're up bright and early!" The girl beamed a bright smile, moving toward the two super soldiers with a hand outstretched to shake. "And this is James?"

Bucky paused. Nobody - not even Steve, really - had called him that. Not in his most recent memory, at least. His mind ran a million miles an hour to match his pulse, and for once, Bucky wasn't sure if he had the situation under control - and not because of himself.

You were the prettiest person he had seen in a while. And he'd seen Romanoff around the base.

The (h/c) haired girl seemed to sense his discomfort and withdrew her hand away at once. "Not a toucher? Sorry, I should have asked first. I'm ______. I'll be a sort of assistant in trying to get you to adapt to your surroundings. I've had all sorts of training and degrees to get me qualified enough to work for the Avengers, so don't you worry."

Bucky's throat cleared enough for him to speak, but before he could, Steve made a noise. "Ah, _______, I think you read the file I sent you wrong ... his preferred name is Bucky."

Bucky made a noise, and at once, everyone in the room's eyes were on him. "It's okay. I - I like James too."

______ smiled. "Okay, B-James ... so, why don't we get started? Let's go to somewhere comfortable, and you can tell me all the things you're having trouble with, from televisions to nightmares, current issues - you name it!" His new assistant laughed. "I think you and I are going to have lots of fun together, James!"

_____ was right. After months of training, sitting down with _______ and learning many techniques to overcome stress, the depression that easily sinks in ex-soldiers, world history, pop music, Bucky could feel a difference. Not only was he being able to sleep at night, he could join in with the Maximoff twins' movie discussions, reach out better to his team, and, for the first time in seventy odd years, Bucky felt like living.

"So, whether or not you like this, this is our last session," you announced one morning.

Bucky's hear dropped. He didn't want to admit it, but over the last eleven months, he had fallen very deeply and very completely in love with you. And now you were going?

"Why?" He didn't look you in the eye. He couldn't.

You give a sad chuckle, "Well, my boss says if you're progressed this far, I don't need to help you catch up on Star Trek: The Next Generation when there's other veterans out there who need help adjusting."

Bucky nodded. "Huh. I guess you're right. So, what's today for? Goodbyes?"

You frown. "James, today's session is to remind you where you've come. I'm here to show you how much you've grown over almost a year!" You touch his arm gently, and hand him a small green file. "Have a look. It's my notes."

Bucky slides the papers out. In a scrawl that's nearly unreadable, he does his best to discern the text -

Quiet, timid, prone to anger outbursts when directly asked questions on tender subject.

James Barnes spoke softly today! No shouting at all. Also doesn't react negatively to touch anymore.

James says he is sleeping better, but nightmares are still there. He will improve. I know.

Discovered takeaway pizza in our impromptu pizza party, and ate three whole large pizzas. James also spoke in an inside voice. Did not sound angry at all (though it might have been the pizza talking).

In a quiz he scored 9 out of 10 in history in the last ten years, has reduced reaction to loud noises and reports less nightmares. He is recovering well.

James Barnes is a TV addict! He is catching up through reality TV. His favourite show is The Office. I don't watch it but he's very into it. I suspect because their lives is quite different to his.

Bucky Barnes didn't react to a sudden movement badly!

James -

"Wow, these aren't that detailed," Bucky noted, flipping through the rest of the pages. "Some assistant you are."

You rolled your eyes, and smoothed your shirt from wrinkles. "These are just what I'm allowed to show you. Besides, don't you get it? I'm super proud of you." You nudge him in the side, and go to stand up. "I've invited Sam and Steve to come up today so we can have a pizza party again. But this time I ordered a lot more pizza."

Bucky nodded, and for a moment, the air was silent between the two of them. " ... _______, before they get here ... will I ever see you again?"

He watches you pause, and lick your lips. "I don't know, James. The future is always unclear for people like me. I never know where I could be relocated, and that's on a six m-,"

She's interrupted by the cheers from Sam and Steve ascending toward them, arms laden with enough pizza for a woman and three superheroes. "Did we interrupt?" Sam asks, landing the lunch between the coasters on the table.

"No," Bucky speaks up. "Pizza party ahoy."

Sam beams, and raises two thumbs up. "Pizza party ahoy!"

Before he knows it, all the pizza is gone and he has to wave goodbye to you as you're taken away by one of Stark's black cars and act like he isn't going to miss seeing you three times a week and inside, under all the layers that make up James Buchanan Barnes, he's afraid he will never see you again in his dreams, too.

"Aw, no need for the long face, buddy-pal," Tony claps him on the back. "It's not the end."

Bucky shakes his head. He digresses. He's still looking where the car left a slight cloud of dust behind, and all of his thoughts are of you. "No, Tony. It is."

Pietro Maximoff peeks his head out the door, and calls out to the pair of them. "Bucky?" The white haired speedster calls out in his accent. "The phone is for you. It's ______."

At once, Bucky rushes to the phone. It's corded - a nostalgia thing Stark has, and Bucky doesn't mind - and at once the receiver is in his hands. "Hello?" He breathes.

"James," your voice crackles through the phone, the reception making your words sound slightly nasally. "I have to tell you something."

His throat dries. What do you have to say? Did you leave your wallet here? Did you forget to flush the toilet or hug him goodbye, is that why you're calling?

"Now that I'm not your assistant anymore, I can tell you. Okay, here goes." You take a deep breath. "I like you, James. And not in the friend way like Thor and Steve."

He breathes again. "You do?" Bucky whispers.

He can hear you nod, almost. "Yeah. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you until now. But I've already called my boss to give my notice, I'm not going to be a case-by-case worker any more. They're - they're going to let me freelance my job for the Avengers." Bucky can't believe his ears. "Did you hear that, James? It means -,"

"You're coming home, to me," Bucky finishes. And for the first time in ages he has a smile on his face. "How long will you be until you're here again?"

You giggle. "I'll be there in three days. I've got an apartment to move out of, you know?" There's a sigh, and a line of static, and then he hears your voice again. Oh, how he loves your voice. "Bucky?"

"Hmmm?"

"I love you. I've loved you since the pizza party where I had no pizza." You confess.

Taking the opportunity, Bucky braves his nerves. "I love you too," he tells you. "I've loved you since I first saw you. You were the first person who I saw in my life who seemed to truly stand out, and be true to who they were. You are pure, and pretty and perfect." He confides. "I love you, _______."

[topicprinter]

I'm starting to really hate my business. It wasn't always this way.I entered the teen-young adult streetwear hat niche 2 years ago, specializing in designing a certain type of hat. Neff, Surpreme, and other skate/hiphop culture streetwear brands are my main competitors. After making loads of money illegally, I wanted diversify to something legal, sorta like the mob. I was 16 at the time. I got the idea after spotting a kid wearing a really awesome hat in my driver's ed class. It was sorta obnoxious, sorta feminine, sorta loud, but sorta chill all at the same time. I just liked it. I ended up buying it from him for $20. I fell in love with it myself, it used to be that kid's signature hat that he wore everyday, but then it became my signature hat. I started looking online where I could buy another and even went as far as to ask the brand if they still sold it if I could get another. "Nope, sorry we discontinued that item." I looked around for other similar types of hats online and they honestly all looked terrible to me (at the time, now I sorta like them). Eager to enter any legal business with my stockpiles of cash, I decided to make and sell my own awesome hats just like the discontinued one I loved so much. They'd be aesthetically far superior to the "terrible" ones my competitors were making. Worst that could happen is that I fail and walk away with tons of entrepreneurial skills.Fast forward two years, I've learned about sourcing from China, hiring and working with freelancers, web design trends, DSLR photography, Photoshop, Adobe Illustrator, basic accounting, social media marketing, interpersonal skills, cold calling, cold emailing, cold knocking, and sales. I've sold 4 hats online on a haphazard ecommerce strategy and am in 2 stores as I've been cold calling as of late, trying to get into enough stores to approach chains. I'm at what seems to be a crisis point. It feels like the "make a business around you passion" bubble burst a year ago. I'm not really in love with my hats anymore, I hardly wear them, and could hardly imagine designing any more of them even if they became an overnight firebrand success. I feel like a caterpillar that has gone through a metamorphosis; who I was in 2015, in love with the idea of making my own line of awesome hats that would outcompete the bigger brands and with ton of blood money from illegal activities to spare, is not who I am in 2017. My stockpiles of blood money have run dry from spending $1050 on my first two designs (200 hats) my first year and then after realizing just two designs was too little to be taken seriously, $2500 on four more designs (1500 hats) to total six hat designs. Also, the website and design freelancers cost a lot along with rent, food, and other basic necessities. I'd say in terms of just business expenses, I'm $5k deep in the hole.I've convinced myself to move forward for two years by saying, "Just wait until you have the hats made", "just wait until you learn DSLR photography", "just wait until you learn photoshop to manipulate product photos to post on social media for sales", "just wait until you have 6 hats instead of 2", "just wait until you learn accounting", "just wait until you learn cold calling", "just wait until you move halfway across the country to sell to stores in person", "just wait until you get your first store sale". Now it's "just wait until you're in 7 stores, then you can start approaching 10-20 store chains." But the closer I get to the end of the tunnel, I just don't see much of a route to take or a ending that I feel comfortable with. The ending that was fuzzy and imprecise in 2015 of "yeah, I'll just become a famous and great selling hat brand that sells purely off aesthetics!" is now much clearer. You see, from the start, I decided that cool designs trumped brand image. I thought the idea of wearing clothing to "represent something" was the biggest load of BS ever and that awesome aesthetics should trump a dumb logo on a nondescript piece of clothing. I still strongly believe this and would still never buy a piece of clothing because with a logo that symbolizes "forever fun", "Supreme", some home/regional affinity, and the litany of inspirational or edgy messages you will find as logos plastered on clothing (just look at /r/streetwearstartup). Aesthetics trump all in my mind.But here's the catch-- I don't even like my hat aesthetics now. Hell, I don't even like my hat type all all, forget the design printed on it. So I've essentially checkmated myself because I can't even evolve my brand because I got into this to not have a fucking brand at all! Aesthetics, aesthetics, aesthetics, right? Well that really helped out when my tastes naturally evolved away from a seemingly unsaturated and uncapitalized hat niche towards liking hats of a totally different breed and saturated in the market. And I have no desire to make my clothing brand into a lifestyle brand that "means something" like Neff, Supreme, Volcom, and the other lifestyle streetwear brands out there. At this point, I'm also super detached from my main demographic I'm trying to sell to-- skaters, teenage punks, and potheads. Closest thing I ever was to those when I started the hat company at 16 was a teenage punk. Today, I'm so much more interested in making money (legally and safely), achieving financial freedom to travel the world and do whatever I want. I feel like an adult now and not a teenage punk who'd want to wear the hats I design. It feels like I hedged $5k and 2 years on a short-lived phase of my life.Here's the weird part: I only started having serious doubts about my hat business after I got my first store sales. I had one period of serious doubt after my first store sale about a few weeks ago which caused me to start a second backup venture with shopify dropshipping. After my second store sale I'm having this second period of doubt right now. It doesn't help that for each yes I inevitably get many no's which erodes my already low confidence in my products. The closer I get to the end of the tunnel, the more clearly I see the end game and the less I like. At heart, I'm an opportunist and an entrepreneur first, not a fashion designer. I'm not Shaun Neff of Neff or James Jebbia of Supreme, engrossed in the cultural intricacies surrounding their brand (skateboarding, streetwear, punk/hiphop culture). I'm a businessman, focused on money first and anything else second. I feel like I'm in an industry of cultural snobs, none of which resonates with me so I can't resonate with them. If I go forward, I feel like my attempts will be like Hillary Clinton desperately trying to appeal to young voters-- forced, ingenuine, and ultimately failing. Making money and growing a business gives me so much more of a thrill and feeling of being alive than designing hats and connecting to some "lifestyle." I can trudge forward with cold calls and getting IG influencers but all the sales material I've ever read said to be 100% convinced/in love with what you're selling. I'm at 3/10 convinced. Maybe if I become rich again and I have a lot of money, I'll be back in the same abundant mentality I was in 2015 and somehow like my hats again. A long shot.The other option is that I just throw it all away, accept defeat that this is not the business I'm meant to succeed at, store/sell my hats for $2 a piece, and throw away $5k and 2 years of work, ALBEIT keeping the skills I've obtained. I can go into doing internet marketing or social media management for clients (I already have one that pays me $300/mo, long story). But what if I just focus 100% on cold calling more, get into 7 stores, and then get into regional chains? I've read the book The Dip and it talks about when to give up. What if I'm just throwing this all away at the last moment before victory? What if I just pump myself up to 10/10 enthusiasm while selling, get into more stores, get into chains, and make an assload of money? My first priority right now is making money, and my hat business could potentially make me a lot of money if I somehow fake it til I make it. Somehow I'd have to build a brand over clothing I'm not fully in love with but can make me a lot of money because other people like it. God it's such a messed up situation. I wish I had never gotten involved in this and somehow did internet marketing instead two years ago, but here I am now and I must make a move with the position I have.I'm not necessarily giving up on my hat company yet. But what do you guys think? Rarely do I feel lost but right now I am. What would you do in my situation?EDIT (from the comments): As to demand, there's demand for the product, similar products (like the original I bought) have been designed for years. I just feel like I can't design them or do the niche anymore because I'm personally no longer interested in the product as my tastes have evolved. For example, I used to eat a ton of chili all the time last year, but now I don't eat any chili and just eat a ton of pasta with alfredo sauce because that's what I like. Doing my niche feels like becoming a world class chili chef because I can be the best, losing interest in chili and not really eating it except for taste-testing/quality purposes, and then eating alfredo sauce pasta on the downlow. People still want to eat chili whether I'm the world class chef making it or some other lesser chef is making it. The ultimate question is do I be the world class chili chef if I can't even enjoy my own chili and is it even possible for my chili quality not to suffer as a result?