#whether by my hands or anothers
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"Are You Here for Me or the Soup?"
"Are you sure? It's good soup!" commission of Reth from a friend in the Soup Server
#art#artists on tumblr#palia reth#palia fanart#fanart#commission#what a lovely self indulgent art I can stare at#i need#i crave#more art of the boy#whether by my hands or anothers#he has rot my brain
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yet again, chat noir has gotten me out of art block, and become my default for when i don't know what character to draw,,,,, HE'S JUST STANDING THERE! BEING PRETTY!!! IDK MAN
#another one of those drawings that took an ungodly amount of time for some reason#(i spend too much time making my lines clean)#anyway#I REALLY LIKE THIS ONE? IDK WHAT DRUGS I WAS TAKING TO MAKE ME DRAW THE ANATOMY THIS WELL BUT I'LL TAKE IT#this is super refreshing cause i feel like my art has been really lacking lately and i haven't been drawing as much as i want to#and then i did this cause the iPad is very convenient and i really like it!!! :D#(((((debating whether i want to get an iPad for myself or not)))))#ml#mlb#miraculous#miraculous ladybug#chat noir#my art#ml leak free#i made him more soft beef than the usual skinny lanky that i do and it was fun :)#also yeah i did the shading by hand idk how to download procreate brushes
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Do not let the Protestant Work Ethic Beast in your head win!
You are not alone! You are not the sole difference between death and life! You are a person who will at some point need to take a break!
That is why there is community! That is why there is organizing! Do not despair because you, alone, are not currently boots on the ground fixing things! Do something, but do not let that something be collapsing!
#I will not be firebombing a walmart I have a dad to care for#Rn Im at work keeping the lgbtq center at my school open and cheerful#That's all I can do rn#that and tell yall not to kill yourselves#if you do I'm dragging you back cause I'm not doing this shit alone#Fuck Trump and his mama we aren't letting doomer shit win#You really wanna kill yourself over a bitch ass christian piss baby?? You're gonna let that man be your 13th reason?#It will be awful I will not lie to you. It will be miserable#But he is a bitch ass motherfucker and a coward who stands on nothing but his crumbling wealth and the hatred of his fans#Take a breather. Refresh. Drink a cold fanta orange with me cause that shit fucking slaps rn#Then get on the ground and get shit going whether that's packing your bags to go to a safer area or getting ready to throw hands#But the last thing we're gonna do is sit here and act like no one will survive to see another day#Cause I will. I will see the next day if it kills me#we will see another day and that day will be another one closer to palestine being free#that will be another day closer to ensuring human rights for all#another day closer to progress and a separation of church and state#another day closer to the rest of our lives#Do not collapse but I am here to pick you up if you do#And if I'm not someone else is#fuck it we ball#ex christian#religious trauma
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UUGHH I JUST HAD THE WORST DAY IM SO ANGRY AND FRUSTRATED GRRRR !!!!! goes to draw my best friend @jumjum-crafts 's guy to blow off steam
★ version without text + reference image under cut :
★ song : "STATIC ELECTRICITY HUMAN – Computer Flavor" – kairikibear
#before you ask . dear jummy – yes . this was what the ask i sent you the other day was alluding to#i have a very complicated relationship with your colin . but you should be aware of the fact that seeing him invokes intense primitive –#– feelings within me . and one cannot decipher whether they are positive or negative#in any case#JDHDHDJRJRHT I HATE MY LIFE#I HATE THIS SHIT#I WANT TO BE DEAD#there's so much stuff happening every day and im constantly overwhelmed and tired and it's so hard to get out of bed and i don't even want –#– to wake up in the morning . every day just gets worse than the last#everyone around me is doing so much . living their life to the fullest . making huge future and career decisions and planning way ahead#and what am i doing ?#im laying in bed . crying because today was just too much to bear . trying to gain an ounce of happiness by ripping out another piece of –#– my soul to hand out to someone i admire#is this what it's going to be like forever ? bleak nothingness ? constant desolation ?#...#im gonna go to bed#dhmis#dhmis art#dhmis colin#colin the computer#fanart#fanart for a friend#vocaloid#vocaloid inspired#i actually had a lot of fun with this . even if the background was the biggest pain i ever had the pleasure of drawing#this entire song makes me feel comfortable#i might make something for someone else#and im debating if im actually gonna be doing a halloween drawing in the first place . at least one that will be on time with the holiday#whatever#please ignore me
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bonus lee viorel warmup from over a month ago bc I keep holding out on y'all
#my art#mine#my ocs#viorel#unsure whether to put this in the pressure tickles tag or not...#those are painter's hands btw lmfao#between all of them painter gives him the hardest time (because they work as a team the most)#imo viorel's dynamic with the monsters is the most interesting of all my ocs because#he doesn't get romantically involved with Anyone until after the escape#there are a few moments of homoerotic tension (he catches sebastian emerging from water once and has a Moment)#(and both of them are smokers. to save fob fuel they do that thing where you light one cig with another)#(and they swear up and down that there's nothing gay Abt it but everyone who's seen it is just. doing that the rock eyebrow raise at them)#but like overall his dynamic with seb painter and eyefest is platonic and based on the need to survive#before all else
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here. go listen to body to flame by lucy dacus.
#I keep looking for someone who’s uploaded it on tumblr. guess I must take matters into my own hands now#top 10 songs that eviscerate you in public#it’s about having a History its about defying definition its about the blurred edge between intimacy and isolation#and whether it’s even possible to know another person! it’s ABOUT when you’d do anything for someone and how terrible that really is#fellas I am clawing at the walls#cata fm
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Thoughts on: Ikoku Nikki
I am currently reading Ikoku Nikki by Tomoko Yamashita and I noticed that like a solid quarter of the scenes in this manga do absolutely nothing to drive the plot forward.
It's not even funny banter or world building or whatever, it's literally just mundane little scenes like this:
You could honestly skip all of these scenes, and the plot would still make just as much sense.
But the thing is, I think doing so would make this manga considerably worse.
The manga is about a 15-year-old girl being taken in by her very introverted aunt, after losing her parents in an accident. And these mundane little scenes do an incredible job of grounding the whole story.
For one thing, it fleshes out the characters, it makes them feel real. You can really believe they all have their own lives with their own thoughts and feelings, their own problems and worries which are largely unrelated to the main plot.
It also makes the story feel very realistic. Like, yeah, sorry your parents just died, but you still need to go to school and worry about stuff like fucking lunchboxes. Yes, you just took in your orphaned teenage niece, but you still need to work... and maybe tidy up your room?
Just like in real life, the rest of the world in this manga doesn't care that the main character's world just got turned upside down. The earth just mercilessly keeps on spinning, and the protagonist has to go on living somehow, with all the mundanity and irrelevancy that comes with everyday life.
#Ikoku Nikki#Tomoko Yamashita#manga and stuff recommends stuff#it's also hands down the best manga I read in a long time#just wanted to make that clear in case it didn't come across in my little analysis#also love how the manga focuses on how you can never truly understand somebody else no matter how hard you try#because they're a different person#but also how you should still try to understand them regardless#and how it's not up to you to decide whether or not your actions hurt another person's feelings#it's up to them and only them#last but not least that's solid advice about using a box cutter
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Maybe I did this to myself but it does irk me when people see me knitting and they ask who it’s for and I say it’s for me and the immediate reaction is “you should sell it” yeah… let me spend at least a week’s worth of my free time making an item I like, want, and would wear just to sell it on etsy, making at most a £2 profit on materials and not being compensated for my time whatsoever 👍🏻
#i say maybe i did this to myself because historically i have gifted most of the items i have knitted#because the venn diagram of things i like to knit vs things i like to wear is actually 2 circles that don’t touch#i looove making hats. i HATE wearing hats#also i love making baby clothes but i don’t have a baby and i��m not going to have a baby#however lately i’ve gotten really into knitting socks and i really like to wear knit socks. it’s like the most affordable way for me to get#quality wool socks. and i’m going to be watching my shows anyway. the time will pass anyways#but it feels like people are deliberately making me feel weird for wanting to make stuff for myself and not profit off my hobby#and like i’ve made 3 pairs of socks to gift already because ‘tis the season or whatever. and i’ve started another pair for a friend whose#birthday is in january#genuinely it’s very weird to hear ‘you should sell it’ or ‘oh i want one!!’ about an item i’m making for myself. after 18 years of gifting#or donating basically everything i’ve ever knitted. like i’ve gifted 2 double bed size crochet blankets#everyone i’ve known who’s had a baby has gotten a cardigan or a blanket or hats or all of the above#i spent october making poppies for the church. i’ve never even stepped foot in my village church mind you. my neighbour asked me to help#do you know what i own? that i’ve knitted? a pair of mittens and a pair of socks.#you want some socks from me? alright. that’s anywhere between £6 and £10 for the yarn and that’s optimistic#i’m currently making myself a pair with hand-dyed yarn that cost me £18 including delivery#the needles i use cost me more than £10. time… let’s call it 24 hours per sock#i don’t know anyone with 18 years experience who makes minimum wage so let’s call it an even 600 for my time. tbh#DO YOU SEE how this isn’t a viable side hussle??? i physically cannot charge what my socks are worth#if i like you and you’re willing to wait; socks are free or cost whatever the yarn costs#if i don’t like or know you venmo me £620. and you’re still going to have to wait.#just pisses me OFF when people suggest i make an etsy page and they say it like they’re doing me a favour or giving me great financial#advice. like you’ve seen me sitting here all evening and i’m barely done with the cuff.. do you actually think selling these for £20 maximum#is going to help me out. i’m not selling them. they’re FOR me. i’m making them because i want them#also when my friend’s family was saying this to me and i was like ‘well the yarn cost a fiver’ and they got quiet and i was thinking yeah…#a fiver is the maximum you cheapskates would pay isn’t it. a fiver is cheap sock yarn bought on sale. or yarn that probably isn’t actually#good for socks. like don’t presume to give me financial advice when you’re this out of touch with the market please#next person who asks when i’m going to start selling socks is getting this whole rant in entirety tbh i don’t care anymore#personal#edited to add that i didn’t even get into etsy fees or whether i would even be noticed among the mountain of dropshippers LOL
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A brief foray into the military ranks of TKEM characters…
It’s no secret that our favourite boys from the Kingdom of Corea have a history in the military - but apart from Gon being bottom of his class in the Naval Academy (as confirmed by Choi Gitae in Ep4), what else do we know? As with every tiny detail that sparks my interest in this show, I took it upon myself to find out, and gave myself a headache in the process. Let’s have a look, shall we?
Lee Jihun:
I’m starting with him because he’s the only one I could find a concrete answer for, thanks to him being from a universe very similar to ours. Though we only see him very briefly in Ep16, from that short scene we can glean a little bit of information about what he was doing:
To find his rank, one needs only to look at his epaulettes. You can see that his are black, with three gold stripes: two thick ones, with a thin stripe in the middle. This identifies his rank as follows:
He’s a Soryeong, which is the equivalent rank to a Lieutenant Commander.
However, what I find perhaps more interesting for Jihun is this badge he’s wearing:
Though it’s blurry when you zoom in, I’m pretty sure it’s this one:
You heard it here first, folks. Lee Jihun is a Navy SEAL. They didn’t have to include this detail - you’d probably have to be quite familiar with the military to recognise it straight away, and I doubt that even most Korean fans would be able to recognise it, because I can tell you for a fact that I wouldn’t be able to recognise the equivalent for my own country. Someone on the production team decided this, and I want to give them a big kiss on the mouth, because now it’s confirmed that the sweet little Jihun we saw grew up to be totally badass after his abusive father passed away. I sincerely hope that it was a good life that led him to joining this branch of the military, and not some combination of horrible factors that pushed him into joining one of the most intense and dangerous branches… hm. I’m not going to dwell on that, actually. You can all make your own conclusions here.
Now… to the Kingdom. *sigh.* This is where things start to get more vague and confusing. I’m going to start with ranks first, and then go onto what they were doing as one big section because, spoiler alert, I haven’t got any sort of concrete idea.
Lee Gon:
His rank is easiest to determine, because Choi Gitae says it explicitly when they met at his father’s funeral in Ep4. I cross-referenced this with the closed-caption Korean subtitles, and everything adds up nicely: though he’s the Commander-in-Chief of all the armed forces in the Kingdom, thanks to his position as the monarch, while he was actually serving, he rose to the rank of Daewi, or Lieutenant - the highest rank of the junior officers - before leaving the navy.
Jo Yeong:
When we see Yeong in his navy uniform in Ep6, this is what we can see:
Once again, that same pattern emerges on his epaulettes of two thick stripes surrounding a thin stripe - he’s a Soryeong, a Lieutenant Commander. This means that Yeong ranked one rank higher than Gon before he left the navy, which is something that brings me quite a lot of joy.
However, something I like even more than that is Yeong’s current title, as the leader of the Royal Guard. We all know him and love him as Captain Jo, but in Korean he’s referred to as 조영 대장 - Jo Yeong Daejang. This is what Gon calls him in the iconic “Are you having fun, Captain Jo?” and you can also see that title of Daejang on his character page on the official TKEM website. On WordReference, this is what happens if I search for 대장:
Ignoring the results about other things, it doesn’t seem to mean “Captain” explicitly, it’s more like a general kind of leader title. His rank isn’t necessarily “Captain,” it’s whatever Daejang is equivalent to. So… how good is a Daejang? Looking at the South Korean armed forces, in the army, air force, and marine corps, Daejang is equivalent to General, and in the navy, Daejang is equivalent to Admiral. To put this into context a little better, the only rank in the South Korean navy higher than Daejang is Wonsu, and this rank only exists on paper and has never been given to any officer of the South Korean armed forces. To achieve this rank of Wonsu, you’re appointed from the rank of Daejang when you have “distinguished achievements.”
In conclusion: Yeong has an incredibly high rank in the armed forces, second only really to Gon himself, assuming no one from the Kingdom has ever been appointed the rank of Wonsu either. However… there’s a first time for everything, and though I’m only speculating and of course could never say anything for sure, if anyone was going to get those distinguished achievements needed to be a Wonsu, it would be our Jo Yeong Daejang.
Choi Gitae:
I’m including him briefly because I have a bone to pick with the subtitles. In English, he’s Captain Choi. In Korean, Gon refers to him as Hamjang, which, as far as I can tell, doesn’t exist in the South Korean navy of our universe. In the Korean subtitles in Ep4, he’s named as 최 소령, Choi Soryeong, and he’s just… he’s not that. Let’s take a look at some pictures:
The epaulettes on the first picture and the star badge on the second tell us that his rank should be this:
He’s a Junjang, equivalent to a Rear Admiral (lower half). Not a Captain, and not a Lieutenant Commander. As for the Hamjang/Junjang disparity, I’m going to suggest that Hamjang is the Kingdom of Corea’s equivalent to the Republic’s Junjang.
So, what was everyone doing in the navy?
The only clue we have is a badge:
This is from Yeong’s uniform, but in Ep6 Choi Gitae was wearing the same, and Gon was wearing a gold version of it. However, for the life of me, I can’t seem to figure out what it is! The design seems to be that of a ship sailing through the waters, but that just gives ✨navy✨ in a general sense. Browsing google images, I’ve noticed the same golden badge that Gon wears on other high ranking members of the South Korean navy, so maybe it signifies a high rank? Or maybe it just means that the wearer is in the navy? I don’t know! I can’t work it out! What it tells us at least is, if Yeong isn’t wearing a “specialised” badge like Jihun… it’s unlikely that he served in any kind of special forces… which I feel is a piece of information that might break some hearts in the fandom as their headcanons shatter into pieces. I’m disappointed too, because when I saw Yeong’s badge without paying attention to any of the other characters, I thought that the two shapes on the sides looked a little like submariner dolphins, so I’ve spent half a year or so thinking that’s what Yeong did in the navy, before I realised that Gon and Choi Gitae had the exact same badge.
So, if anyone has been bothered enough to read this far and also happens to be a Korean military buff, I would love you forever if you could tell me exactly what this badge means, and whether it gives us any indication of what Yeong or Gon or anyone else was doing in the navy. However, maybe it’s good that it’s unclear, because that leaves fic writers plenty of room to wonder about what Gon and Yeong were doing in the military - whether they were doing different things, strengthening their bond as best bros doing the same thing, and if you’re on the same side of this fandom as me, whether they were repressing some big feelings at seeing each other in their military uniforms, or whether they were engaging in certain activities that are maybe stereotypical of sailors cooped together on the same boat without women to spend their nights with… there’s plenty of room for interpretation :D
#my favourite thing that I’ve learnt from this is Yeong ranking higher than Gon in the navy#there’s SO MUCH POTENTIAL THERE#something else that ep6 demonstrates is that soryeong is a rank in the corean navy because yeong hands gon’s flag to someone with that rank#it was said verbally and it was consistent with his uniform#so why is soryeong consistent but not hamjang/junjang?!#ANSWER ME KIM EUNSOOK#another honourable mention is… do you guys remember the yoyo kid’s older form?#he appears in the republic to bully shinjae and he’s also on gon’s rowing team#anyway you can see him in the funeral in ep4 and he’s also a soryeong#something that’s interesting to note is that no one in uniform in ep4 is wearing that mysterious badge#not even choi gitae even though he’s wearing it in ep6#it makes me wonder whether they added it as an afterthought#i wouldn’t be surprised#tkem#kitkat’s tkem deep dives#lee gon#jo yeong#lee jihun
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Brain in Daylight Hours: There is no mental or emotional space for writing. There are no new ideas, and no structure for old ideas.
Brain after Dark: Here's 38 new ideas, 3/4 of a structure, official permission to write, and -- oh. The only place to write in the dark is your phone? ... Never mind.
#writing#well#not writing at the moment#I saw a post about characters doomed by the narrative#and the fridged wife trope#and it got me thinking about Apricots#about whether Jess should be dead from the start#and how much it matters that it's a multi-POV story with hers as one of the vital points of view#and whose POVs are ultimately included#and how they kind of mimic the classic 5 stages of grief in a way#but each has to escape their part of that cycle in one form or another#and about how each is a reflection of me in some way because of course they are because that's how I write things#and about how the villains are a reflection of my views about certain things too#and about how the story takes shape#and how it's someone who was dead long before Jess was ever born who's really been doomed from the start#Basil is doomed by the narrative and he knows this#Jess thinks she's doomed by the narrative but she has the chance to change that#Noah resents the narrative because he believes someone has to be doomed by it and he hates the idea of anyone being doomed#Ian thinks there has to be a way out of the narrative if he can just move props around the stage the right way#Kade finds the events of the narrative lonely and sad but knows that clinging to a prologue only makes the rest harder to read#Luciana has believed most of these things at some point#now she believes that while the narrative deserves to be destroyed the characters in it do not so all she can do is endure#and none of these are exactly organized thoughts#or give me any insight into the structure of the plot#or the things I've been struggling with#but it was almosf coherent for a whole hour tonight#and only the idea that writing on my phone until 2 or 3 am would hurt my wrists/hands/eyes stopped me#if only I could keep the light on just a little longer at night#it's a risk to my budgie's health and I refuse to do that#but I wish I could write in the hours my brain says I'm allowed to write...
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fourth year running of my kaneda shotaro costume I havent even added a single patch to the jacket since I first made it even tho every year I say I'm going to. #lazynation
#why fix what's not broke... shrugs#AND i have red climbing trousers so i can wear most of it on the walls tn.... just not the gloves i suppose but ill take them anyway#for group photos. i do have red/black shoes i got for sport climbing too but i havent broken them in so prolly wont wear them#excited for ittt. and i still have uses on a punchcard for this gym even tho i havent been for months so its basically free entry#which is great bc ive spent soooo much money the last week and now w new glasses too... 💀 my pocket has a hole burned thru it fr#not mad into halloween but i do like wearing this costume bc i get to talk abt akira to everyone who asks whether they recognise it or not#the hyperfixation trapdoor opening up...... rubs hands together devilishly etc#since im cycling there too i should ask someone to take a pic of me pretending to do the bike slide sjkdfh#ive barely climbed in the last 2 weeks what w my period etc so prolly gonna find it rly tough but ill take it easy#anyway not leaving for another 2 hours..... i should actually start mouthwashing >:)#.diaries
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moving in three weeks
pros: moving in three weeks!! 😁👍✨🇮🇪✈️🧳
cons: moving in three weeks 😐🧍🏼📦💶😰🏡
#speak friend and enter#im so excited!!! but im also so scared!!!#well. at the end of the day it's really kind of out of my hands whether or not it goes well. i suppose#but it's worked out so far so i have no reason to believe it won't continue to work out in some way or another. life uh finds a way etc etc
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still trying to figure this stuff OUTTT lol heres a fast doodle
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#I'm curious as to whether I'm just weird or this is a general neurodivergent thing#these are all awful to me but the sump pump is a special kind of evil#the one in my house doesn't turn off when it's empty so you have to unplug it or stick your hand in it and grab a wire to make it stop#it sounds like if i fell in it would literally kill me#I'm a 25 year old woman and i have noise specific anxiety lmao#neurodivergent#tumblr polls#these are just a few of the worse ones for me but other sounds do it too#particularly grinding or whining sounds are really bad#or voices when i do not wish to hear them from like another floor of the house#adhd#anxiety#autism#(aka three things i have that probably factor in somewhere here haha)
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yk I really do appreciate what those "how much of this site are americans" polls are for, because I always appreciate some good unlearning of american exceptionalism, however like - the people setting these things up have got to know that like. their poll written in english might just maybe might kinda get more results from people who are fluent in english and live in, I dunno, the place with the largest english speaking population. Just maybe. yk.
#my posts#another hit nothingpost from your sexiest mutual#anyway yeah sorry that's been bugging me cause like I get what's happening here but like#I grew up with way too much carefully handed down stats knowledge esp with regards to gathering data from individuals#If you're making an online poll about whether or not a person owns a device that connects to the internet#I wonder what kind of responses you'll get
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.
#these past two weeks have been so intense that ive just.. not spoken about it once i got home from work#blocked it all out#my beloved colleague whose desk is next to mine has cancer#breast and uterus. she needs two major surgeries#they just diagnosed her two weeks ago#so we've been trying to deal with that as colleagues and friends#because we love and miss her and i am so deeply sad as well#but i feel like i couldn't process that at all bc two days after the news of her diagnosis i was asked to take on half of her work#on top of my fulltime#which i agreed to do bc i like her tasks and i want to help her and i also know i can do it#but it does feel very off bc i know i don't earn enough money for this workload to be long term and it is def like this#for the coming four months at least#so i did tell my manager that i would like a raise and. that bitch told me to BUY MORE SECOND HAND SHIT.#i seriously thought i saw my life flash before my eyes#then the day after she asked one of my colleagues who's been with the firm for over 30 years whether she was looking for another job maybe?#which caused that colleague to instantly go home in tears and be home from basically a nervous breakdown the past 1.5 week#which is her full right and i support her with all my heart but bc my management sucks it meant that we had to also carry her tasks ofc#i felt soooo spread thin and super super angry actually but i didn't even realise how angry i was until last thursday my colleague w cancer#came by the office. and talked about all of it. and i suddenly realised how sad i was but then also how angry#but i was just blocking it all out trying to stay afloat#bc we told her about what the manager had said and she said “i hope that i get the chance to really tell her how it is someday.”#“because the stress she causes with people can actually kill you. just look at me.”#and the rest of the day i felt so ready to be done with everything actually#but seeing her anger made me see my own anger#and released me of my own pent up emotions bc i had actual leg pains this week and it was purely psychosomatic#i then managed to tell some friends yesterday about what was going on and their outrage spurred me on even more#so today i emailed hr. demanding a raise#doing this amount of work while constantly feeling like the house is on fire while also struggling financially seriously makes me suicidal#and i am not joking#so.. if nothing comes of that im leaving that job and not looking back
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